#who’s a constant sui risk??

[psychoticwillgraham]

*talking about funerals with mom and sis for some reason*

me: ‘well y’all should just throw me in the dump bc I have no insurance due to being a constant suicide risk’

sis: ‘well then don’t fucking kill yourself because if you do, im not footing the 12k bill to bury you because suicide would be inconsiderate to us and wouldn’t deserve a burial. moms not allowed to pay either, so your ass is getting burned’

me: *through watery eyes* ‘ok :))’

[raytorosaurus]

can you pls explain to me what happened on tbp tour? i know the recording was bleak with the haunted manor and all that, but i keep hearing little things about the tour and i can't seem to find any information on google?? like some ppl on here have mentioned some things about frank's health and that he was on pills so idk if it was a drug issue or a chronic illness thing?? i think g and mikey suffered a lot of mental health stuff?? just please gimme the run down?! i love u

okay so this might get a little long so i’m putting it under a cut but basically in summary: they are insane. they’d already put themselves through a lot of emotional pressure writing the album in a haunted mansion where their producer was encouraging psychological warfare among them, and then they threw themselves into a LONG and gruelling tour and honestly made it as difficult for themselves as possible every step of the way. they were dealing with mental and physical illness and they pushed way past the point of exhaustion. they were reaching major life milestones (all of them got engaged at least once, three of them got married) but spending entire years away from home. they became the face of a subculture they didn’t particularly feel like they had anything in common with, and then they got some really bad press that was extremely demoralising because it wasn’t about the music, it was about the actual message of the band, which had been twisted and misinterpreted.

but if you want more detail (cw for sh & sui ments):

so the page for this tour got taken down from wikipedia for some reason but it’s archived here and it’ll give you an impression of just how huge this tour was.  legs kept getting added on to the tour because they thought this was the band’s, like, one big chance to take over the world so they didn’t want to say no to anything because they thought that’s what the album deserved. at the start of it they effectively played two sets a night - the black parade front to back and then some revenge and bullets songs as an extended encore. they did it all in thick, non-breathable wool jackets and trousers, and they did it six nights a week with almost no breaks - basically the only breaks they did get were when they were travelling between continents lol. the wiki page i linked lists the dates of the tour proper, but they were also playing album launch shows in multiple countries in the months before it fully kicked off. the spot that looks like they had a nice long break between july and october was actually almost fully taken up by pro rev LOL.

gerard and ray were actually the only members who made it through the full tour. cortez filled in for both mikey and frank at different times. mikey left fairly early - in april 2007, after getting married to alicia backstage after their show in vegas in march. he left for a honeymoon and didn’t come back until september for the final couple shows of pro rev. he also opened up a bit about how hard 2006 had been on his mental health while they were writing the album, so the break was much-needed. frank left a couple of times for shorter stretches, once because of an illness in his family and once because he had a wisdom tooth complication and couldn’t fly to australia. also, yeah, the constant touring took a toll on his physical health at times and he wouldn’t take breaks when he needed them - i’m sure you’ve seen the pictures of him onstage attached to an oxygen tank. bob was recovering from third-degree burns at first and then had persistent issues with chronic pain in his wrist and had to take a couple of months off playing or risk permanently disabling himself, and for at least most of those dates he was replaced by tucker from thursday. beyond that they did have to cancel several dates in may 2007 because everyone except frank and gerard (including most of their crew and the band muse) got terrible food poisoning from some catering chicken (frank escaped because he’s vegan and gerard because he slept through catering that day lol).

projekt revolution saw the band, like...really fucking exhausted. at that point they’d started getting kind of sick of playing the characters of the black parade. ray in particular talked about feeling disconnected from their audiences because of the uniforms and burned out by the repetition (this article’s pretty interesting because ray doesn’t talk about that aspect of the band very often in public). so for the festival shows they gave up playing parade in full and doing two sets every night for a bit, but now they were playing in extreme heat with a shit tonne of pyrotechnics lol. pro rev was meant to be the end of the tour, but they added a couple of extra shows in mexico to ritualistically kill off the black parade because i would expect no less from this band (that was october 7 2007, which is when the black parade is dead was filmed). and then they added another leg, and another...and they essentially ended up doing what basically amounted to a second full world tour without ever stopping the first one lol. it wasn’t only long but also so over-the-top in terms of theatrics and staging that they barely even broke even financially at the end of it. which is like. crazy. they had five full buses of stage equipment and a sound and lighting system that took five hours to set up and three hours to dismantle every night.

so if you’ve watched the infamous reading & leeds show you’ll recognise the “fuck the daily mail” thing, which is because after tbp came out they published satanic-panic-lite type articles calling mcr a suicide cult that promoted self-harm and stuff. you gotta understand that the emo subculture, whether or not it was connected to mcr, was one of the biggest laughing stocks of the noughties. notably, there were a series of riots and hate-crimes in mexico against “emo” kids (largely due to in actuality to homophobia, of course), and mcr would get asked about it so often that they felt like they were being blamed for it and that they needed to apologise for it. gerard in particular has spoken quite a bit about how much he struggled with feeling like tbp was being misinterpreted and taken out of context when it was such a deeply personal album to him. then things got even worse in may 2008, around the end of the tour, when the daily mail reported on the “emo cult” again, this time explicitly linking the tragic suicide of a 13-year-old girl to mcr. obviously this is, like, the antithesis of everything the band stood for, and they took it really hard. it spiralled even further, with gerard making a public statement about it, fans protesting at the daily mail offices, an inquest into the tragic suicide, and the daily mail doubling down and claiming that mcr should be grateful for the extra “publicity” they were getting from all of this. yeah. there’s a long section detailing all of this in not the life it seems, if you can stomach reading it.

the peak of this kind of aligns with the actual end of the black parade world tour in may 2008 in madison square garden. this is another one of those infamous shows - again, there’s an entire section in not the life it seems dedicated to it. it was a dream come true to play msg, especially for gerard and mikey, but they were completely burned out by that point. apparently the show itself was great and they were full of energy, but gerard was speaking to the crowd like the band was about to break up, and apparently the vibes were not great backstage. frank was so nervous about the show that he took a bunch of pills to get through it and has almost no memory of it. after they left the stage, ray found gerard in a dressing room and advised him to take a break or start another band that nobody knew about so it wouldn’t be the end of mcr for good. apparently gerard wrote boy division in the taxi on the way home after that gig but i can’t remember where i read that now so i might be wrong about that bit.

anyway, then none of them really saw each other for several months. frank started leathermouth because he can’t live without touring (ray played with them once too), but besides that the first time they were together again was for ray’s wedding later that summer. according to himself, brian schechter (their manger up until then) was fired over phone the morning after someone’s wedding so i have to assume it was ray’s given the timing lol (unless it was when gerard and lynz had a little ceremony or whatever, idk when that was).

anyway happy ending at least: they got back in the studio in october 2008 in new york to record desolation row for the watchmen movie and had such an amazing time that ray flew down to la (where gerard had recently moved) and he, gerard, and bob jammed around and wrote four new songs in no time. over the next year or two, the rest of mcr followed gerard to la one by one and started working on conventional weapons and they swore it would be a fun album to write and that they wouldn’t put themselves through the black parade recording process again. anyway then they scrapped it last minute to write danger days instead lol.

but yeah like. i think it’s easy to forget now in 2022 just how huge mcr was during parade era, but how they got completely misinterpreted in bad faith by, like, the media and culture as a whole. it’s probably fairly common for bands like them to be kind of misunderstood in their lifetimes but hailed as visionaries years or decades later, so it’s kind of like really fucking exciting to see mcr actually active again during the time when i feel like they’re finally started to get appreciated for what they really are. which is the greatest band in the world if you ask me but i guess i am a little bit biased <3

[khazadspoon]

saw your post in the Sleuth tag, if you're still taking prompts I'd love to see what you do with Kiss Prompt 3. A breathy demand: “Kiss me” - and what the other person does to respond. Tang Fan/Sui Zhou or Wang Zhi/Ding Rong

This will be my first Sleuth fic and I am excited. Thanks for prompting me! I went with Tang Fan/Sui Zhou so hope you enjoy it. 

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Tang Fan was an intelligent man. He was more intelligent than a large portion of his peers, had been recognised by the Emperor for his talents, thwarted villains and judged cases fairly whenever he was needed. Tang Fan was an intelligent and educated man. 

What he was not, was a smart man. 

For all the time they had been living and working together, through each hardship they had endured, there had been one constant. When they came home, Sui Zhou cooked. It didn’t matter if it was quick and simple or if there were numerous dishes that took hours to prepare; Sui Zhou cooked. That was all he had thought of it as, at first.

When Tang Fan heard the gate close and Dong’er give a happy cry of “Sui da-ge!” he immediately stood from his desk. He rushed out and smiled, broad and thrilled at the return of his closest friend. Sui Zhou smiled back in the small and contained way he always did. 

“Welcome home, Guang Chuan!” He said brightly. 

Sui Zhou bowed his head and removed his hat. “I’ll get changed and make dinner.” 

And surely enough, the routine continued as it always did. Sui Zhou came out of his room sans uniform, sleeves secured above his elbows, and his hair half tied to keep it out of his face. 

Tang Fan almost always preferred to see him like this; there was a softness to the usually stern and upright officer when he cooked, his features relaxed as he measured and prepared ingredients, the occasional joke or teasing comment passing his lips as he cooked no end of delights. He was a handsome man, beautiful really, and the simple happiness on his face as he cooked only made him more so. Tang Fan had ceased to ignore the admiration and affection he felt when he saw that happiness.

At the table, the three of them ate with simple conversation between them. There was peace in the city, and it made for a relaxing change. Tang Fan happily accepted the food Sui Zhou placed in his bowl, humming in bliss as the flavours of each dish flooded his palate. He complimented Sui Zhou’s choice in dishes and accompaniments, nearly grinning at the embarrassed flush that fell on his friend’s cheeks at each compliment. 

After dinner Dong’er went to bed, her eyes drooping after a long day helping Tang Fan organise the mess that his documents and manuscripts had gotten into. Tang Fan helped clear the table and followed Sui Zhou to the kitchen. 

As they cleaned their fingers brushed. Tang Fan saw from the corner of his eye how Sui Zhou stayed close, closer than was necessary each night, and was hit by his own stupidity. 

It came in a rush. 

How had the possibility not occurred to him before? Sui Zhou cooked for him, cleaned with him, cared for him, gave him a home and was always by his side. The simple fact that Sui Zhou might love him was as clear as day now he thought about it. 

Tang Fan was not a smart man, it seemed. 

He carefully placed the dish in his hands down into the water bowl. With his heart beating as fast as a horse galloping along a dirt road, he looked up at Sui Zhou with wide eyes. 

“Tang Fan?” The man asked, worry forming on his face. 

“You love me.”

The words struck almost like a blow. He saw the colour drain from Sui Zhou’s face and the dry cloth in his hands was suddenly gripped tight enough that it strained. Tang Fan blinked and tried to regain some control. 

“You cook for me every night even when you are tired. You have saved my life on more than one occasion and have never asked for anything in return. Why? Why would you do that if you didn’t love me?” He asked and stepped forward, closer, something in him calling out to be near to the man who had become so important to him. “Even after I left you... you let me come back. Even after I have put you in harms way and caused trouble for you, you let me come back.”

Sui Zhou stared at him, his expression turning from shock to a strange resignation. “I will always bring you back if you need a home. What’s mine is yours.”

The words were soft and Tang Fan felt a sob rise in his chest. “You love me and you never said a word.”

“You might have left again if I had.” I couldn’t risk it, he left unsaid. 

The breath fled Tang Fan’s lungs in a strangled breath as he reached out, fingers brushing the dark blue of Sui Zhou’s outer robe. In a quiet voice, so unlike his usual voice, he gasped “kiss me.”

For a long and terrifying moment nothing happened. Sui Zhou stared at him with an unreadable expression until Tang Fan stomped his foot. “Guang Chuan kiss me right now or I’ll-”

Then, a kiss. 

Sui Zhou’s lips were chapped, but not unpleasantly so. His breath was warm, his arms warmer as they wrapped around Tang Fan’s waist. He was pulled into Sui Zhou and the little breath he had left was stolen by a kiss that was so full of love it overflowed. He kissed back, lips and tongue meeting Sui Zhou’s with fervor and need that seemed to burst from him like thunder from a summer storm. Fingers gripped at his back, the hard lines of Sui Zhou’s chest pressed against his own, heat suffusing into him from every point of contact. 

 He felt the counter at his back and gasped as he was lifted onto it, their lips parting as Sui Zhou gazed up at him with dark eyes. 

“Again,” Tang Fan whispered. He slipped his fingers into Sui Zhou’s hair and drew him closer, between his spread knees, desire and joy mixing in his chest. He wondered for a moment if it was healthy to feel this happy over a kiss and ignored the thought a second later. 

Sui Zhou kissed him again and it was all that mattered. Sui Zhou was whispering I love you against his lips, hands holding him safe and warm, the lingering scent of home cooked meals in the air, and that was all that mattered. 

Tang Fan may not have been a smart man. He may have taken months to realise that he was loved, but he was a lucky man. As Sui Zhou kissed him breathless, he knew he had a gift greater than any learned scholar in the capital; he had a loving home.

[kelleah-meah]

Year of the Ox

Just a little info on what this year may mean to those of us born in the year of the Snake.

Snake Birth years of the Snake: 1917, 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013. Next year of the Snake is 2025.

Anticipate a fortunate and successful year because Snake is in a harmony trine with Ox and Phoenix (Rooster). There will be opportunities for advancement, career goals can be attained, and relationships deepen. Snake’s work will be recognized and rewarded. Others admire your wisdom, insights, and resourcefulness. Just don’t allow Ox’s stubborn influence to make you unreasonable or too demanding. Be mindful of how you approach difficult subjects or manage certain relationships. Intelligent compromise benefits everyone. The element Metal empowers Metal Snake born in 2001 or 1941, and Water Snake born in 1953.

Source

Overview

* The prediction is valid for 2021 (year of the Ox) starting from Feb. 12, 2021 and lasting to Jan. 31, 2022. In Chinese zodiac, Ox, Snake and Rooster are San He (triple harmony) for each other, so you Snakes will be compatible with Tai Sui in the Ox year 2021. In the aspect of horoscope, it is mainly expressed in auspicious stars, constant good news and happy events, and help by others in work and career for smooth development. Therefore, the 2021 horoscope of Snake people can be very good and you will often be pleasantly surprised in life. So just forge ahead and strive for better results.

Wealth

With good luck for wealth in 2021, you people born in the Snake years will get some windfalls and many opportunities to make money with the blessing of the auspicious star Tian De. Make sure you keep clear accounts in the cooperation, otherwise it will cause a lot of trouble. In 2021, you will get considerable income from work and it may even keep rising. However, it is worth reminding that you should be restrained from spending extravagantly even if you are paid well.

Career

As for work and career, everything will go well with you Snake people and you may even get promoted to be in power. If you have always worked hard, you will stabilize the foundation and usher in the opportunity of promotion. Governed by Shang Guan, a star in charge of creativity and talent, you Snake people will constantly come up with ideas and inspirations this year, and show your talents fully. This will be definitely good for brain workers. However, Shang Guan is also a star of sensibility and individualism. Influenced by it, you will display a strong character, even become opinionated and make a showy display, which will cause you a lot of trouble and bring interpersonal obstacles to your work and life. In view of this, you are suggested to be modest and low-key this year, do more and speak less, as out of the mouth comes evil.

Health

Under the positive impact of San He, you will not have too much trouble in health. Children can bounce with health, but parents should guard against accidents. For adult Snakes, you may feel a little stressful at work, but still can be in good health as long as you alternate work with rest and keep regular hours. As for the elderly, you will remain hale and hearty, enjoy the peaceful later years, and even have the energy to participate in the leisure activities or go out to travel.

Source

* General overview of the personality of those born in the year of the Snake

Snake Personality

Enticing Snake is creative, attractive, and talented. Snakes can be very sociable when they want to be. When they are in the mood for it, they enjoy making friends and creating contacts and networks.

Snake is known for thinking and intellectualizing. Therefore, Snake can appear cool and aloof at times. Snake possesses both charm and a mysterious quality; she won’t reveal her thoughts to just anyone. If she allows you to get close, you will discover that Snake is caring, sensitive, compassionate, and a humorous person.

Snake is extremely determined, strives for success, and follows desires regardless of circumstances. Unlike Dragon who accomplishes goals through intense outward actions and activities, Snake accomplishes goals through careful plans and calculations. Snake is not afraid to take risks and has immense mental capacity to turn the outcome in her favor.

Source

[thedreaminus]

Exchanged Roles

ff.net | A03

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

As predicted by Raizel, M-21 slept peacefully in his tank. Sometimes, when M-24 spoke to him, he started to smile. Anyway, M-24 felt that way. Everyone else described it as more of a smirk. So M-24 got used to talking to his old comrade. According to Raizel, M-21 heard his voice and it reassured him, though he could not understand words.

Oddly enough, Tao picked up his habit and it was not long before M-24 caught him sitting in his camping chair next to M-21's tank, chatting cheerfully about an application-independent Card Terminal Application Programming Interface for smart card applications. The name alone was enough to cause headaches in M-24. Technical innovations were practical, but there were limits to his personal interests.

M-24 wanted to pull Tao away from the tank at first, but then changed his mind. M-21 was sleeping and would not understand Tao's words anyway. He concluded that Tao's verbiage has not resulted in any unbearable headache. But M-21 would hear his voice. Perhaps it would be something like a first step that would help M-21 get used to the people he would live with under one roof from now on.

Since M-21 - according Frankenstein - was making good progress and yet he would be sleeping in the tank for a few weeks, M-24 was much occupied. As previously mentioned, they had given up their original plan to train on an island because M-21's condition required constant monitoring. Now instead of being hounded on bare earth by Frankenstein, they were being hounded within four walls. This increased the panic factor even more.

-.-.-.-

Frankenstein leafed through M-21 test results. Judging by his expression, the man was pleased with what he saw. He muttered to himself and nodded here and there once. Then he suddenly turned around and caught sight of Regis.

The young Nobles could not prevent his flinch. Frankenstein wore the grin on his face. The grin that tells every enemy with a touch of intelligence and the will to survive that he only had a few seconds left to breathe.

"Regis, I have to talk to Gajutel."

Regis initial, ill-concealed fear shifted to the unexplained confusion that everyone felt at these words. Everyone except Raizel. The Noblesse exchanged a long look with his Bonded and then nodded venerably.

-.-.-.-

Calling a clan leader turned out to be a stroke of luck in retrospect. They were attacked, at two points at the same time. The Union came to the KSK with a plan and set about destroying their environment piece by piece. With that, they probably intended to elicit the rebels of their last problems. They succeeded very well, but the Union had probably expected less with Raizel, Frankenstein and three clan leaders.

At the same time, Crombel took advantage of the distraction, sending his lackeys around the school to take the children as hostage. M-24 and his comrades went to the school and none of them were there to protect the house. Despite all her security precautions, Crombel had managed to track them down to M-21.

When Yuri mocked them, they all got ice cold. The enemy in their home? The place that was so important, to not only Raizel but also Tao, Takeo and M-24 . A sanctuary that gave them the security they needed so much.

Yuri enjoyed the obvious horror, because it spurred him on to another sentence that particularly hit M-24 hard: "Crombel just wants what belongs to him." the greasy man bowed awkwardly to M-24, "I hope that your partner has recovered well? He will need it." The sentence made Yuri laugh until the moment Rael appeared. M-24 left the young Noble the responsibility and took the moment to rush home.

-.-.-.-

Rael had helped them to take the children to the lab, but something seemed to have gone wrong at home. M-24 had intercepted and sent them to the replacement lab, one floor down. But now the children were supplied. Raizel, Boss and the other Nobles had returned. Now it was time to see after M-24 and of course, after M-21.

"M-24?!" Tao slipped around the corner. He had only a short time to catch a glimpse of the blood on the ground and M-24 who stood in front of M-21, before Frankenstein had gotten to them and pulled Tao behind him. There was an eerie silence in the room. Scary enough that Tao shut up and voluntarily backed away to the wall.

The laboratory was partially destroyed. The tank was shattered and its contents leaked to the ground. Not far away from the tank, a motionless body laid stained with blood. Most of all, however, M-21 mesmerized him. The man stood diagonally to them. His body also showed traces of blood. However, Tao could not detect any injuries from his current position.

Opposite him, M-24 was standing and speaking reassuringly to his old partner but there was no indication that he heard him. M-21 just stood there, letting his arms hang down his head. The now really long gray hair covered his whole face. A hose was still hanging from his arm.

"Tao, leave."

The Boss's voice sounded strangely loud even though he had spoken very quietly. Tao blinked and was about to retreat discreetly when M-21 turned his head and looked at him. In his eyes, a white-blue fire seemed to glow, strange stripes ran across his cheeks, and as M-21 raised his lip a little, one could clearly see the impressive fangs.

"I'm already gone." squeaked Tao.

-.-.-.-

M-21 was sleeping again. M-24 had come to the lab with him in his arms, and laid him on one of the free couches. It turned out he had been injured, but his wounds were already healed. The body in the lab was one of Crombel's henchmen. He had tried to steal Frankenstein's data, which had turned up after a brief search in the clothes.

From what they suspected, the agent had broken into the lab and ravaged it trying to steal the data. Then he had tried to take M-21 and died. Pretty fast. M-21 had ripped his throat out.

"Frankenstein," noticed Gejutel after he had patterned the sleeping M-21 in detail and listened to what Tao had told his comrades about his strange behavior, "Now every race is represented."

Frankenstein sighed. The older Nobles raised an eyebrow. "Are you not pleased with this? This must spur your curiosity "

"Shut up Gejutel"

-.-.-.-

M-24 tried to focus on his reading. The mood in the house was generally depressed. The incident between Rai and the Union-Elder, the abduction and poisoning of the children, the damaged school and last but not the least, Crombel's attempt to kidnap M-21 again. The big man gave a long stretched sigh. Since he had started to get stronger, he had become more and more emphatic. That's why he knew exactly when Rai, Frankenstein or someone else was not feeling well.

It was hard to shake off so many negative emotions and focus on the positive aspects of their lives.

A movement at his side tore him out of his thoughts.

M-21 had turned around. M-24 could now see his face and immediately reached out his hand to pacify him, patting his head as he had always done before.

M-21 was now stable enough to rest outside the tank. Nevertheless, M-24 could not lose the feeling that Frankenstein didn't want to risk losing another tank to M-21. To be fair, the last one was probably more on Crombel's agent.

M-21 growled softly like a furious dog. A very small, angry dog. His energy wavered and trembled before it slowly withdrew. M-24 precautionarily left his hand where it was and spoke in a low voice to his comrades until he was sleeping calmly again.

This energy, it was completely unknown to him. Why? By now he had experienced a broad segment of auras and energy from Nobles, humans, and modified humans for comparison. Why did M-21 not fit into any of these patterns? And why was it impossible for him to read his mood?

To face his old comrade, while he was completely out of his mind without even knowing what was going on with him, is not a pleasant experience. Raizel had calmed him down and Frankenstein later praised his gentle attending to M-21, trying to reassure him. According to the two, M-21 had been able to hear him and recognize him.  That is why he had not attacked Tao or rest of the household.

He should be able to be satisfied with that. Although he would have preferred to contact M-21 on an emotional level. M-21's inexplicable behavior had made M-24 restless. It was like seeing M-21 through a thick wall of ice. Just a schematic of a living being, of the person who was like a little brother. Was it because of what Crombel had done? Had he lost that soulful connection with his comrade now?

M-24 prayed that M-21 would be normal when he awakes.

-.-.-.-

As if he reappeared from deep waters. Almost reluctantly. His mind was drowsy and he would love to cuddle up in the pleasant warmth and continue his sleep. M-21 moaned softly. Not out of pain, but more in protest. He hid his face again in the strange, soft thing that smelled so pleasant to protect his eyes from the annoying brightness.

Next to him, someone chuckled, amused. As M-21 made preparations to pull the fabric over his head, which was probably his blanket, the chuckle turned into soft laughter. It was annoying and he immediately knew what would follow. As if to confirm, someone knocked him gently on the head. When it did not work, he nudged his forehead and then tugged at his ear.

"Stop ..." M-21 muttered, half-heartedly waving his hand in the direction of where the hand came from.

"Realy, I am glad that you feel better."

"M-24 ..." he opened his eyes. No cheap hotel or any abandoned building where they sought shelter. Instead, a clean little room with large windows, from which light fell directly onto the bed. Directly above his head, on the wall, hung a calendar with a giant puppy image. Puppies ...

He blinked hard.

His comrade leaned over him, blocking his view of the puppy calendar.

"M-21? Something wrong?"

"Puppies ... there were dogs."

"Yes, I got the calendar from Sui."

From whom? M-21's thoughts started to work. He turned on his back and looked up at the ceiling. "We ... we are not in the Union anymore, are we?"

"No," M-24 shook his head, "It's been several weeks since we freed you from Crombel."

M-21 shuddered and tensed involuntarily. Now that it was mentioned, he remembered what had happened. What Crombel had done to him. The man had been so fascinated by his claws. After he was finished with him, they only vaguely resembled his initially transformed nails. He had developed into something monstrous under Crombel's hands. So many experiments, operations and concoctions until he was unable to remember. The pain and the feeling of being completely leached were all that was left behind.

He had turned into a beast at the push of a button, with no control and no way to defend himself or even remember. The collar ... his voice. M-21 reached for his neck, wincing in surprise as his fingers touched smooth, warm skin.

It was gone. The damned thing was gone.

M-21 knew that the experience should really affect him a lot more. He should not just lie here in a strange bed and feel so safe.

A touch on his shoulder startled him out of his thoughts. M-24 frowned and squeezed carefully, as if to confirm that he was there. They stayed like this for some time. Until the moment M-24 began to recite what had happened to him after M-21 went to get his medication, but did not return. And M-21 just listened to him.

-.-.-.-

At the same time, the rest of the household was sitting in the living room, drinking tea and busying themselves with the little things that needed to be done. For example thinking about repairing the school as soon as possible. To their credit, the modified people tried not to break out into sweat that often when the Nobles had a strange conversation among themselves or when Frankenstein decided to revive his old friendship with Regis's grandfather.

At some point during this evening, Tao stopped in the middle of his mind braining for the school and looked over at Takeo. The sniper seemed to be lost in thought and Tao had to wave his hand in front of his face to grab his attention.

"It's too easy," said Takeo, readily and unsolicited. His eyes flicked over to Tao.

"You mean M-21?"

"All the trouble, traps and manipulation by Crombel. Now M-21 is here talking to M-24. Just like that…" Takeo struggled for words "I'm worried. What if M-21 is a bait? What if he was manipulated?"

They exchanged a look. This theory was not that unlikely. Crombel had been trying to fool M-24 in the past. The thought that he used M-21 to finally reach his goal was not at all outlandish. If that was the case, then M-21 was an enemy moving in their midst.

"Maybe we are judging too fast," Takeo ran his long hair and sighed. "After all, we do not know anything." It was obviously unpleasant for him to judge a person he seemed to know so well. Of course, they only knew M-24 stories and yet there was such a comradely feeling for M-21. Strong enough to make them talk to him even when he slept.

"I know someone who can tell us more ... Boss!" Tao turned to Frankenstein with a beaming smile. Like an entertainer greeting a new star guest on his show. Frankenstein smashed Tao's beaming smile with the more practiced ease of a man who was used to throwing people to the ground.

"M-21's condition is privy to only him and M-24."

Tao's grin faded and he shrank beneath Frankenstein's gaze. "But M-24 ..."

"We are worried," Takeo objected carefully. "What if M-21 was manipulated by Crombel?"

"He was."

“And that's why we need to know ... wait, he was?"

Frankenstein sighed and put his hands on each other. "Crombel's experiments have damaged M-21's memory: short-term memory, and more. He drove his body to autonomously erase neuronal connections in the brain to make it easier to manipulate him."

They sat there petrified. No memories, or even more dangerous: memories that were scattered. This meant no security and therefore no trust.

Tao knew about the Union, and partly through M-24's statements he had understood  that it was common practice in the Union to erase the memories of lower level test subjects. Not only to make them docile, but to avoid any permanent mental damage in promising experiments that may arise due their harrowing experiences. Even modified humans had limits as far as pain tolerance and permanent burden on the psyche went.

Now the autonomous capping of neuronal connections ultimately may only mean that M-21 unconsciously repressed probably a good part of his memories to protect himself. Sure, Takeo and he did the same. The only question was to what extent M-21 did and how much Crombel had his game with him.

Frankenstein looked at them thoughtfully. "Well, that's probably the most serious question. Even if we suspect that it only concerns the events of recent months."

"Then ... then why? If M-21 remembers M-24 and trusts him, what did Crombel want to use it for?"

"Oh, I am sure that this man actually have something else in mind," strangely, Frankenstein smirked. "He is a bungler. At first he tried to make M-21 stronger, where he suceeded only  halfway. However, in an unfortunate way and very crudely." Raizel sighed loudly at this sentence and the ensuing mockery in his voice, but somehow did not feel compelled to intervene. The remaining Nobles successfully gave the impression of sheer dislike.

Frankenstein continued, "Then he tried to wipe out his memories to make him docile. Here comes the point where the order is wrong. M-21 has changed too much for Crombel's understanding. His brain, its nerve cells, bones, almost everything has become flexible. In every attempt to manipulate his memory, the brain formed new neuronal connections."

"Uh ..." Tao snapped his fingers. "As an algorithm? Is there something like that?"

"It's a little more complicated than that." Frankenstein picked up his cup and looked thoughtfully into it. "Crombel could not control M-21's memories, but his experiments triggered a nasty effect, which he then used along with this ... collar for his purposes."

"The band is destroyed." Takeo had seen Boss melt it down. With too much sadistic joy on his face.

"It was primarily used to administer M-21 drugs that drove him down." Frankenstein cleared his throat. "You saw what happens when he's upset?"

"You mean the matter with Crombel's agent in the lab?" M-21 did not necessarily made a friendly impression back then. But nothing else happened ... or? He had not even touched his comrade. Frankenstein hovered between sincerity and curiosity as he waved the contents of his cup.

"I'm curious about how he'll develop."

"Frankenstein."

"Excuse me Master, I should not be so concerned about a patient."

Well, that was less insightful than they had hoped. While they watched Frankenstein anxiously - with a lot of gaping, because he giggled too strangely - the RK team silently wondered if they should be worried about M-24 and M-21 or not.

Note: If you are reading this I am on vacation! *eat some exotic fruit* Well, we are slowly getting closer to the end of this AU *ahhh* I am happy about that too. There are four different versions of the third chapter. I was really scared to never get it ready ^^

[rusocialpod]

What are the basic phrases you need to know when travelling? Often, native English speakers believe that everyone speaks English. So when they travel, they don’t bother learning the language of the place they’re visiting. After all, it’s fine to get by in English, right? Well, maybe. But there’s a much better way of doing things. I’m not saying you should become fluent in the language of every place you visit (unless that’s your dream). I am saying that learning just a few words and phrases can hugely enrich your travel experience. When you travel, you will benefit from doing a little research on your destination. Learning just a few basic phrases can be invaluable. I’ve been travelling around the world since 2003 and during that time, have lived in 23 different countries. My goal at first was to spend as much time as possible learning the native language of each country, before moving on. Some languages I was quick to forget. Others I’ve maintained fluency in to this day. Along the way, there were a handful of countries I visited that I never intended to spend more than a few days in, so I didn’t try to become conversant in the native language before arrival. Yet, I’d still invest whatever time I had available in learning as much of the language as I could in advance - even if it was only enough to get by. This is because my personal travel style is to avoid using English as much as possible. Why? It’s really not that hard to get by in another language, and it opens you up to cultural experiences that you’d otherwise miss. Researching a place on the Internet can only get you so far. The locals know the best places to eat and shop, the stand-out sights to see, the most beautiful beaches and the most unforgettable cultural experiences. Fail to learn any of the local language, and you’ll miss all this. You lose out on more than you probably realise. That’s why I always learn a little bit of the local language in whatever amount of time I have available, even if it’s only hours or minutes. For instance, I made the most of a single hour, learning the basics in Polish. Of course, you won’t want to waste your time memorising words and phrases you’ll soon forget or will never use. In my years of experience in travel and language hacking, I’ve found the following words and phrases to be the most important to learn. So the next time you’re heading out to a foreign country where English isn’t the first language, spend a few minutes researching the following phrases in the language of the country you’re visiting. These are the most important phrases to learn, though for some reason they’re often sprinkled throughout phrasebooks rather than being featured on the first page. I’ve included translations for German, French, Mandarin Chinese, Spanish and Italian. Let's get started! 1. “Thanks” The number one word you should learn to say before visiting any country is “thanks”. It’s polite and people will appreciate the effort you’ve made to acknowledge them in their own language. German: Danke French: Merci Mandarin Chinese: Xiè xie Spanish: Gracias Italian: Grazie 2. “I’m sorry” For the sake of good manners, it’s good to know how to say sorry. You can say it when moving through a crowd, or when a general apology is required. German: Es tut mir leid - “I am sorry” or Entshuldigung - “excuse me” French: Je suis désolé or pardon Mandarin Chinese: Hen bàoqiàn or duì buqi Spanish: Lo siento or perdón Italian: Mi dispiace or perdono 3. “Hello” What’s the first thing do when initiating conversation? You greet them, like so: German: Hallo French: Bonjour Mandarin Chinese: Ni hao Spanish: Hola Italian: Ciao 4. “Can I have…” When you travel, chances are you’ll be eating out, spending time in bars, and buying souvenirs. This is a handy phrase to know for ordering in a restaurant, bakery, coffee shop or bar. German: Kann ich einen Kaffee haben...? - Can I have a coffee?” French: Je voudrais un croissant. - “I would like a croissant.” Mandarin Chinese: Wo yào zhè gè “I want this.” Spanish: ¿Me trae dos cafés, por favor? - “Please give me two coffees.” Italian: Posso avere… “I can have…” 5. “How much does it cost?” It helps to be savvy while travelling, as well as being mindful of whether you’re staying within your budget German: Wieviel kostet das? - “How much is that?” French: Combien ça coûte ? Mandarin Chinese: Zhè shì duoshao qián? Spanish: ¿Cuánto cuesta? Italian: Quanto costa/costano? (single/plural) 6. “Yes” “Yes” is one of the simplest words to learn and it helps that it tends to remain constant across many Romance languages. German: Ja French: Oui Mandarin Chinese: Shì (Technically there is no word for “yes” in Mandarin, but in many cases ‘it is’ works - otherwise, you’d repeat the verb of the question) Spanish: Sí Italian: Sì 7. “No” Why would you learn how to say “yes” without learning the translation for “no”? German: Nein French: Non Mandarin Chinese: Bú shì (Similarly to yes, as explained above, this actually means ‘it isn’t’, as there’s no single word for ‘no’ in Mandarin. If you put bù (‘not`) before the verb in question that tends to be what you need) Spanish: No Italian: No 8. “I am…” “I am” is a much better phrase to learn than “My name is…”. Why? You can apply it to a range of topics – not only your name but your job, nationality and many other things. It’s the perfect phrase to use with Tarzan speak. German: Ich bin... French: Je suis... Mandarin Chinese: Wo shì… Spanish: Soy… Italian: Io sono… 9. “What’s your name?” After you’ve introduced yourself, you’ll want to know how to ask for an introduction in return. German: Wie heißt du? French: Comment vous appelez-vous ? (formal) or Comment tu t'appelles ? (informal) Mandarin Chinese: Ni jiào shénme míngzi Spanish: ¿Cómo se llama usted? (formal) or ¿Cómo te llamas? (informal) Italian: Lei come si chiama? (formal) or Tu come ti chiami? (informal) 10. “How are you?” If you find yourself in conversation with a local, it’s a mark of common decency to ask how they are. I find that people across many different cultures who work in service roles really appreciate it when you take the time to ask how they’re doing. German: Wie geht es dir? French: Comment allez-vous ? or the informal Ça va ? Mandarin Chinese: Ni hao ma? Spanish: ¿Cómo estás? Italian: Come stai? 11. “Great!” A quick, go-to response if someone asks how you’re doing. German: Ich bin großartig! - “I am great!” French: Ça va bien ! - “I am good!” Mandarin Chinese: Wo hen hao! Spanish: Bien Italian: Buona! 12. “Again, please” A beginner in any language will have trouble understanding what a native speaker is saying, as they will talk at a fast pace. Don’t panic – just ask them to repeat what they said. If you’re new to the language, you don’t have to memorise how to say “Sorry, can you repeat that” - a quick “again, please” will usually do the trick. German: Bitte wiederholen Sie - “Please repeat”. French: Répetez s'il vous plaît - “Repeat, please”. Mandarin Chinese: Máfán ni zài shuo yibian - “Please say that again” Spanish: ¿Disculpa? - ¿Perdón? or ¿Cómo? - “How?” Italian: Vuole ripetere, per favore? - “Could you repeat that please?” 13. “More slowly, please” This is another phrase you can use when natives speak really fast. It reduces the risk of them repeating themselves at the same pace. German: Langsamer, bitte French: Plus lentement s'il vous plaît Mandarin Chinese: Gèng màn, qing Spanish: Más despacio por favor Italian: Più lentamente per favore 14. “Sorry, I Don’t Understand” If you’re having issues communicating with a native speaker - tell them! German: Entschuldigung, das verstehe ich nicht. French: Je suis désolé, je ne comprends pas. Mandarin Chinese: Wo ting bù dong. Spanish: Lo siento, no entiendo. Italian: Mi dispiace, non capisco. 15. “Where is (the)...?” You’re navigating a new country. Chances are, you’ll get lost now and again. Don’t be afraid to ask a local for directions. Even if you can’t follow their directions, you can get them to show you your destination on a map. German: Wo ist (der/die/das)...? French: Où est (le/la)... Mandarin Chinese: Zài nali...? Spanish: Dónde está (el/la)... Italian: Dov'è (il/la)... 16. Goodbye Another phrase that’s really good to know. German: Auf wiedersehen (formal) or Tschüß (informal) French: Au revoir Mandarin Chinese: Zàijiàn Spanish: Adiós Italian: Arrivederla/ci With these words and phrases in your pocket, you’ll endear yourself to the locals, and you’ll have a more authentic experience. Speaking even a tiny bit of a foreign language makes you feel more thoughtful, widens your world view, gives you buckets of self confidence… and it’s addictive. Once you’ve had a taste of talking with someone in a language that isn’t your own, it can be really hard to stop! Are there any words or phrases that you try to learn before travelling? Is there one particular go-to phrase that you think should be on this list? Let me know in the comments. The post 16 Must-Know Words and Phrases For Any Language appeared first on Fluent in 3 months - Language Hacking and Travel Tips.

[defleurtradingco]

Kettle Corn

Movies weren’t exactly a past time Fortunato ever got to enjoy. Maybe occasionally, but he was usually far too busy to sit down for anything other than a meal and paperwork in the later days.

But there he sat, feet up on the chair below him, slouching in his seat with a bag of kettle corn in one hand and the other right inside, plucking out pieces.

He couldn’t understand why his grandchildren (grandson and grandniece in reality) needed so many things to begin with. Computers, weird meals that were easy to make, just heat them up, and now a home theater. It was like having their very own showing room all to themselves (the actual showing room was elsewhere.) Regardless, everything was done by a machine, and done fast. Not always accurately, but, still.

It had taken Solaina a little digging but she did manage to pull up a few old foreign films for him to peruse through if he ever got bored during the late night hours when most everyone was asleep. It wasn’t like he needed to sleep anyway. And now that his bodyguard actually HAD places to be that weren’t involved with his job, it made the evenings just a touch lonely.

His hand hit the bottom of the bag. Empty. So he crumpled it up and stuck it into the cup holder, resting his hands on his belly and closing his eyes, not actually interested in watching any movies anymore.

Some of the lines reminded him of other things though.

A couple madly in love, some big conspiracy winding around them in the background, danger, romance, all that. Despite it being really glamorized on the screen, he couldn’t help but admit that there was some kind of truth to it, in essence. It didn’t always play out as neatly, but the spirit of it was definitely there.

How long had it taken him to fall into whatever this ‘love’ thing was called? Was that even what it was to begin with? Who knows. Maybe it was. He was a lot different when he was a young man, as opposed to later in life. He still had the spark, some of the naivety.

The vampires sure did a good job scaring a lot of it out of him though, that first time. So much so, he had to smirk.

He was terrified. Who wouldn’t be?

The meeting had gone entirely wrong, what few men he was able to bring with him from overseas were killed quickly and in horrific ways. Ripped apart, bitten and shredded by teeth and claws, flying fur and beating wings. They’d never stood a chance. Negotiating with vampires… what was he thinking?

They didn’t kill him however. Most of what happened after was a blur, though that might have been due to how swollen his face had gotten. But, in the end, it was Lowrey, some strange outcast that had shown up out of seemingly nowhere, who shuffled with him down the street and out of the rain.

It was horrible then. Feeling that powerless. But they had a common goal and found it was far better to work together for payback than to go at it alone.

And so they did, for an entire year. To Fortunato at least, it was like finding a second and much stronger half of himself he didn’t know existed. The beasts that once terrified him seemed so small and insignificant, once he realized that he could be in control. That he could put them down if he so chose. It wasn’t always easy, but he could do it. With Lowrey’s help of course.

No doubt he saw it too. The rogue vampire was drawn to it, partially. Who knew what his other reasons were. Maybe he too liked having somebody he could trust at his back. Fortunato never really asked.

It was like war, though. Men who bled together, and ate together, and slept near one another every night in the wake of rain or shine and death. Bonds formed. It was an inevitability. They weren’t in any trenches, sure, but the battlefields for them were the back streets, the factories, the side of the river, the harbors, the basements and the attics, and all the darkest corners people dare not tread.

They went in them together, and they came out of them together, leaving the places empty and silent.

And then something happened.

He remembered his hands cupping a face and the quietest of whispers fluttering past his ears, or coming from his own lips. Feelings of utter joy and maybe others that made him feel like he was doing something wrong at the same time.

They were reciprocated though. Most of the time neither of them said anything at all. No touching, no looking, no speaking. Outside, anyway.

Indoors, it was anything they could think of.

What he remembered most of all though were the occasional verbal barrages of words that would just fly out of his mouth without him even really thinking about it.

“Sans toi, je ne suis rien.”

“Tu me rends tellement heureux,”

“Je suis fou de toi,”

Between kisses, after them, before them. It didn’t matter.

“Je t’aime pour toujours.”

He’d get sprinklings of that Irish garbling of a language, but so long as they were saying the same things, he didn’t care WHAT language they were spoken in.

When he opened his eyes again, the movie was drawing to a close.

As the years passed, the knife’s  influence had more and more of an effect on him. He spoke less about what he felt because there was hardly anything worth sharing on that front, he craved more blood, his ambitions grew larger and were much higher. Things became deadlier and more risks were taken.

Lowrey stayed by his side though the entire way through.

Did he ever get tired of it though?

“I’m a hard man, Fortunato. Sometimes, I want a little softness here and there.”

Was that what he wanted? What HE craved?

The phrase was still bothering him, even days later. Even after he’d sorted everything out. They showed their cards, they knew where the other stood now, and there were no problems.

But still, he was still incredibly bothered.

He had even apologized to the Irish man at the end of their conversation. “I am sorry I could not give you what you have now.” Not to make him feel bad, or guilty. He wanted to give Lowrey those things, but he didn’t have them. “…But I am glad you have them now.”

The vampire seemed pretty happy. And without the knife’s constant humming pulling at his thoughts, he could see that much more clearly now. Lowrey was faithful, all the way until the end. Even Fortunato couldn’t blame a man for moving on to someplace else once there was nothing left.

He cleared his throat and held his attention back on the screen. Credits rolling, some song playing quietly…

There were some things he could not control as hard as he tried, and as much as he wanted to believe otherwise. Just that thought alone was disturbing. It made him feel… almost fearful again. Vulnerable certainly.

But he’d get through it, like everything else. With a big sigh he stood up and brushed some of the crumbs off his shirt from earlier, moving out onto the aisle and leaving the theater.

Besides, there were more pressing matters to attend to at the moment than petty feelings. Maybe it was his instinct telling him, if he even still had that anymore, that things were going to get quite shaky in the coming days.

[pullgram4-blog]

News regarding ABC conjecture and Riemann Hypothesis

There have been a couple news stories regarding proofs of major theorems. First, an update on Shinichi Mochizuki’s proof of the abc conjecture, then an announcement that Sir Michael Atiyah claims to have proven the Riemann hypothesis.

Shinichi Mochizuki’s proof of the abc conjecture

Quanta Magazine has a story today saying that two mathematicians have concluded that Shinichi Mochizuki’s proof of the ABC conjecture is flawed beyond repair. The story rightly refers to a “clash of Titans” because Shinichi Mochizuki and his two critics Peter Scholze and Jakob Stix are all three highly respected.

I first wrote about the abc conjecture when it came out in 2012. In find the proposed proof fascinating, not because I understand it, but because nobody understands it. The proof is 500 pages of dense, sui generis mathematics. Top mathematicians have been trying to digest the proof for six years now. Scholze and Stix believe they’ve found an irreparable hole in the proof, but Mochizuki has not conceded defeat.

Sometimes when a flaw is found in a proof, the flaw can later be fixed, as was the case with Andrew Wiles’ proof of Fermat’s last theorem. Other times the proof cannot be salvaged entirely, but interesting work comes out of it, as was the case with the failed attempts to prove FLT before Wiles. What will happen with Mochizuki’s proof of the abc conjecture if it cannot be repaired? I can imagine two outcomes.

Because the proof is so far out of the mainstream, there must be useful pieces of it that can be salvaged.

Because the proof is so far out of the mainstream, nobody will build on the work and it will be a dead end.

Michael Atiyah and the Riemann hypothesis

This morning I heard rumors that Michael Atiyah claims to have proven the Riemann hypothesis. The Heidelberg Laureate Forum twitter account confirmed that Atiyah is scheduled to announce his work at the forum on Monday.

I was a fan of Atiyah’s work when I was a grad student, and I got to talk to him at the 2013 and 2014 Heidelberg Laureate Forums. I hope that he really has a proof, but all the reaction I’ve seen has been highly skeptical. He claims to have a relatively simple proof, and long-standing conjectures rarely have simple proofs.

It would be great for the Riemann hypothesis to be settled, and it would be great for Atiyah to be the one who settles it.

Whereas Mochizuki’s proof is radically outside the mainstream, Atiyah’s proof appears to be radically inside the mainstream. He says he has a “radically new approach … based on work of von Neumann (1936), Hirzebruch (1954) and Dirac (1928).” It doesn’t seem likely that someone could prove the Riemann hypothesis using such classical mathematics. But maybe he found a new approach by using approaches that are not fashionable.

I hope that if Atiyah’s proof doesn’t hold up, at least something new comes out of it.

Update (9/23/2018): I’ve heard a rumor that Atiyah has posted a preprint to arXiv, but I don’t see it there. I did find a paper online that appeared to be his that someone posted to Dropbox.  It gives a very short proof of RH by contradiction, based on a construction using the Todd function. Apparently all the real work is in his paper The Fine Structure Constant which has been submitted to Proceedings of the Royal Society. I have not been able to find a preprint of that article.

Atiyah gave a presentation of his proof in Heidelberg this morning. From what I gather the presentation didn’t remove much mystery because what he did was show that RH follows as a corollary of his work on the Todd function that hasn’t been made public yet.

Michael #Atiyah at the #HLF18:

“Solve the #RiemannHypothesis and you’ll become famous.

But if you’re already famous, you run the risk of becoming infamous.”

Sense of humour above all!#RetransmisionesQS pic.twitter.com/SWU1gXvm87

— QuinteScience (@QuinteScience) September 24, 2018

Update: More on Atiyah’s proof here.

What are these theorems?

The abc conjecture claims a deep relationship between addition and multiplication of integers. Specifically, for every ε > 0, there are only finitely many coprime triples (a, b, c) such that a + b = c and c > rad(abc)1 + ε.

Here coprime means a, b, and c share no common divisor larger than 1. Also, rad(abc) is the product of the distinct prime factors of a, b, and c.

This is a very technical theorem (conjecture?) and would have widespread consequences in number theory if true. This is sort of the opposite of Fermat’s Last Theorem: the method of proof had widespread application, but the result itself did not. With the abc conjecture, it remains to be seen whether the method of (attempted?) proof has application.

The Riemann hypothesis concerns the Riemann zeta function, a function ζ of complex values that encodes information about primes. The so-called trivial zeros of ζ are at negative integers. The Riemann hypothesis says that the rest of the zeros are all lined up vertically with real part 1/2 and varying imaginary parts.

Many theorems have been proved conditional on the Riemann hypothesis. If it is proven, a lot of other theorems would immediately follow.

Related posts

Source: https://www.johndcook.com/blog/2018/09/20/abc-conjecture-riemann-hypothesis/

[azveille]

Vaginal mesh has caused health problems in many women, even as some surgeons vouch for its safety and efficacy

Regina Stepherson needed surgery for rectocele, a prolapse of the wall between the rectum and the vagina. Her surgeons said that her bladder also needed to be lifted and did so with vaginal mesh, a surgical mesh used to reinforce the bladder.

Following the surgery in 2010, Stepherson, then 48. said she suffered debilitating symptoms for two years. An active woman who rode horses, Stepherson said she had constant pain, trouble walking, fevers off and on, weight loss, nausea and lethargy after the surgery. She spent days sitting on the couch, she said.

In August 2012, Stepherson and her daughter saw an ad relating to vaginal mesh that mentioned 10 symptoms and said that if you had them, to call a lawyer.

“My daughter said, ‘Oh mom — you have every one of those,’ ” Stepherson, of Tyler, Tex., recalled.

Vaginal mesh, used to repair and improve weakened pelvic tissues, is implanted in the vaginal wall. It was initially — in 1998 — thought to be a safe and easy solution for women suffering from stress urinary incontinence.

But over time, complications were reported, including chronic inflammation, and mesh that shrinks and becomes encased in scar tissue causing pain, infection and protrusion through the vaginal wall.

Katrina Spradley had a vaginal mesh implanted in 2008. Years later, she started having physical problems. A physician discovered that the device had eroded through Spradley’s vagina. (Terry Spradley)

Katrina Spradley, then 49, was about to have a hysterectomy in April 2008. She said that she told her physician that she also had urinary issues — every time she would laugh, cough or sneeze, she would leak urine. It happened so often that she would wear sanitary pads. A urologist was consulted and determined that implanting vaginal mesh at the same time as the hysterectomy would repair her bladder problem, she said.

Spradley, of Dawson, Ga., also had endometriosis — a condition resulting from the appearance of endometrial tissue outside the uterus that most commonly causes pain (painful periods, heavy bleeding, pain with sexual intercourse). And so, when after the surgery, she began having stomach cramps, she thought that was the reason. Physicians told her there was nothing wrong, she said.

In 2011, a urine test she took for her truck-driving license showed blood. Later, while having sex with her husband, his penis got scratched a few times. It took a visit to a physician with her husband to detail his discomfort to find mesh eroding through Spradley’s vagina, she said.

Chrissy Brajcic, a Canadian who struggled for four years with persistent infections following a mesh implant, became the face of mesh victims with a Facebook page. Brajcic died in December 2017 from sepsis at age 42.

About 3 million to 4 million women worldwide have had mesh implanted to treat urinary incontinence and prolapse, said Shlomo Raz, professor of urology and pelvic reconstruction at UCLA school of medicine. About 5 percent — or 150,000 to 200,000 — of those have complications, he said.

“But when you have complications, it’s hard to treat,” Raz said.

Among the complications: chronic pelvic pain, erosion of mesh into the vagina, incontinence, obstruction, pain in the groin, hip and leg, and pain during intercourse. Raz also believes, based on his experience, that 20 to 30 percent of the complications are what he calls “lupus-type,” causing runny nose, muscle pain, fogginess and lethargy. He bases this on the fact that, after removal, the patients are cured of these complications.

“If you remove mesh, and lupus-type symptoms disappear, the mesh is responsible,” Raz said.

Michael Thomas Margolis, assistant clinical professor at UCLA, has removed more than 600 mesh slings in patients since 1998. He has served as an expert witness on polypropylene mesh in lawsuits for plaintiffs and most recently for lawsuits filed by the states of Washington and California.

“I have never implanted through a woman’s vagina a polypropylene mesh or sling system ever, because of the complications,” Margolis said. “I had concerns when they first came out — but my concerns were the tip of the iceberg.”

Once the damage is done, it cannot be corrected, Margolis said.

The American Urogynecologic Society (AUGS) and the Society of Urodynamics, Female Pelvic Medicine and Urogenital Reconstruction (SUFU) support the use of polypropylene slings for stress incontinence. Their joint statement says that “Polypropylene material is safe and effective as a surgical implant.”

Raz and Margolis disagreed. Raz, who said that many of the AUGS physicians who wrote the positive position statement were his fellows, said: “I don’t agree based on my experience. I found that in the long run, we have created a monster, planting mesh in young women — some of them you can never cure.”

Margolis said that many of the authors of the AUGS and SUFU joint position statement “receive substantial money from mesh manufacturers.” He also said: “I have been a giant thorn in AUGS’s side. They should at least acknowledge their financial conflict of interest.”

According to the AUGS board of directors website, some of the directors do have financial interests in companies that make mesh.

Dionysios Veronikis, director of female pelvic medicine and reconstructive surgery at Mercy Hospital St. Louis, who has removed 250 to 300 mesh slings a year, said that problems result when a mesh is not implanted properly. He also said that women need to see a surgeon who does many of these surgeries. Their patients have fewer complications, Veronikis claimed.

He also said that “some of the [mesh] products have helped many women.”

“The slings I do, although synthetic, have helped many women,” he said. “I put the sling in differently. I don’t follow the instructions that are outlined because I have a unique skill set that allows me to make the operation fit the patient. I don’t make the patient fit the operation. That is the flaw. There is no one size fits all, and not every woman wears a size 7 shoe.”

Two years ago, Roxann Bentz was 67 and had a cystocele (prolapsed bladder) and some urinary incontinence. The Bucks County, Pa., woman researched physicians to repair the problem. Bentz, a registered nurse, was aware of poor outcomes and found a surgeon who specialized in the procedure. “I knew he had done many of these,” she said.

Bentz, an active woman who enjoys biking and canoeing, said the recovery was fine, and she has had no problems since the surgery.

Raz, who said he has removed 1,800 mesh implants in the past six years, said vaginal bacteria creates a potential for chronic mesh infection and pain in some patients, and mesh should not be used in the vagina.

“We took patients with pelvic pain and mesh complications and those without pain. We removed four segments. All of those with pelvic pain were positive for live bacteria in the mesh,” Raz said. “Those without pain had no DNA positive for bacteria in mesh.”

More than 100,000 lawsuits have been filed against makers of mesh, according to ConsumerSafety.org, making it “one of the largest mass torts in history.”

In October 2016, a judge upheld a $14.3 million jury award for three women who were injured by a Boston Scientific mesh device, and in 2015, Boston Scientific announced a settlement of $457 million for 6,000 mesh lawsuits.

Kate Haranis, a spokeswoman for Boston Scientific, said the company stands behind its products and noted that “Nearly one million women have been successfully treated with Boston Scientific Urogynecologic mesh and our pelvic floor therapies are supported by more than 60 clinical publications.”

Lawsuits have been filed by the states of Washington, California, Kentucky and Mississippi against mesh maker Johnson & Johnson and its subsidiary, Ethicon, saying that product marketing should have provided more detail about the risks. They accuse the company of deceiving physicians and patients, and say the mesh has destroyed the quality of life for some of them, according to the Associated Press.

In response, 63 surgeons in Washington wrote a letter in December to state Attorney General Robert Ferguson denying that they were misled, and expressing the concern that the lawsuit would “eliminate the mid urethral mesh sling as a treatment option for women in Washington.” This, they said, would have a negative impact because the sling is standard surgical treatment for stress urinary incontinence.

Jeffrey L. Clemons and two other physicians who signed the letter disclosed they had been retained by the defense, but that they were not being paid nor receiving any assistance.

Ethicon called the lawsuit filed by Kentucky “unjustified” and said “the company plans to vigorously defend itself against the allegations.”

Among the more notable settlements: In April, a New Jersey jury awarded $68 million to Mary McGinnis for her debilitating injuries caused by a mesh made by medical device company C.R. Bard (Mary McGinnis v. C.R. Bard, Inc.). The company said it would appeal, and that McGinnis was aware of the risks.

Endo International settled 22,000 mesh lawsuits in 2017 for $775 million and said its president and chief executive, Paul Campanelli, called it “a very important milestone for Endo to have reached agreements to resolve virtually all known U.S. mesh product liability claims.”

In 2008, according to the Food and Drug Administration, “the number of adverse events reported to the FDA for surgical mesh devices to repair POP [pelvic organ prolapse] and SUI [stress urinary incontinence] for the previous 3-year-period (2005-2007) was ‘over 1000.’ ” The agency said the complications included mesh erosion through the vagina, pain, infection, bleeding, pain during sexual intercourse, organ perforation and urinary problems.

From 2008 to 2010, the FDA received 2,874 reports of complications associated with surgical mesh. The FDA’s literature review found that erosion of mesh through the vagina is the most common and consistently reported mesh-related complication.

According to a study published last year, all surgical meshes in the United States were cleared by the FDA’s 510(k) process, “in which devices simply require proof of ‘substantial equivalence’ to predicate devices, without the need for clinical trials.” The study also said that “recalled meshes associated with adverse effects may, indirectly, continue to serve as predicates for new devices raising concerns over the safety of the 510(k) route.” The authors conclude that improvements for regulation are “urgently required.”

An FDA spokeswoman said that the agency is making improvements. The agency reclassified surgical mesh in 2016 for transvaginal pelvic organ prolapse (POP) repair from Class II (which includes moderate-risk devices) to Class III (which includes high-risk devices). “FDA is reclassifying these devices based on the determination that general controls and special controls together are not sufficient to provide reasonable assurance of safety and effectiveness for this device, and these devices present a potential unreasonable risk of illness or injury,” the final order reads.

In addition, the agency is, “issuing postmarket surveillance orders to 34 manufacturers who had cleared 510(k)s for transvaginal repair of pelvic organ prolapse,” the spokeswoman said. As a result of the FDA’s actions, she said, “all manufacturers ceased marketing of surgical mesh intended for transvaginal repair of posterior compartment prolapse (rectocele). Only three surgical mesh products intended for transvaginal repair of anterior compartment prolapse (cystocele) remain legally marketed.”

The FDA is also planning an advisory meeting on Feb. 12 to share evidence and expert opinion about the safety and effectiveness of transvaginal mesh.

Margolis said removing mesh that has scarred into place is like trying to remove bubble gum from hair or rebar from concrete.

“I have seen women with their vaginas essentially mutilated. So scarred and disformed as a result of the chronic inflammation and scarring from the mesh as to be left with a nonfunctional vagina or dysfunctional bladder and urethra,” Margolis said. “When tissue, the vagina, bladder or bowel is damaged enough, no surgeon can fix the tissue past a certain point — and I see that with great regularity, even after mesh was implanted years before.”

If women are concerned about complications because of a mesh, what should they do if they are plagued by stress incontinence or prolapse?

There are nonsurgical options, such as Kegel exercise and pessaries, that can help with stress incontinence, Margolis said.

Raz and Margolis prefer slings made from organic, biologic material such as tissue or tendons from their own patients.

Margolis also said that the Burch procedure, a surgical procedure in which the neck of the bladder is suspended from nearby ligaments with suture is excellent, but noted that it, too, can fail.

Vaginal mesh is no longer being used in Australia, Ireland and Scotland. In July, the United Kingdom instituted a temporary ban while long-term damage is assessed.

[cassandradodds]

Jury Awards Record $57.1 Million in Transvaginal Mesh Case

On September 7, 2017, a Philadelphia jury awarded $57.1 million in damages to a Pennsylvania woman who was injured by pelvic mesh implants made by Johnson & Johnson’s Ethicon division.

The 51-year-old woman suffers constant pain and incontinence because the mesh migrated from the insertion site and damaged her urethra, Philly.com reports. Doctors operated three times to remove two devices.

This verdict is the largest awarded in a pelvic mesh suit. The award includes $50 million in punitive damages. In December 2015, an Indiana woman was awarded $12.5 million; a New Jersey woman received $13.5 million in February 2016. In April 2017, another New Jersey woman received $20, and a Pennsylvania woman received $2.1 million in June.

National law firm Parker Waichman notes that Ethicon is not the only mesh manufacturer facing legal action. Boston Scientific, C.R. Bard, Cook Medical, Coloplast, and American Medical Systems also face substantial numbers of lawsuits over their mesh products.

Pelvic Mesh Devices

Pelvic mesh—transvaginal mesh—is used to treat women’s pelvic organ prolapse (POP) and stress urinary incontinence (SUI). SUI and POP occur when the pelvic structures that support a woman’s uterus, bladder and intestines weaken due to childbirth, surgery, or aging. The organs drop (prolapse) into the vagina, causing incontinence and bowel and sexual problems.

The mesh device is implanted to provide support for the organs and relieve pain and other symptoms. Before transvaginal mesh came to market, surgery for POP and SUI involved creating support for the organs using the woman’s own tissues. Surgeons began using surgical mesh in the 1950s for hernia repair. Several decades later mesh products gained U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approval for POP and SUI surgeries.

Injuries and Complications

Women who have filed transvaginal mesh lawsuits allege they have suffered complications including

mesh protrusion into the vagina

infection

inflammation

nerve damage

scar tissue

organ perforation

painful intercourse

urinary and bowel incontinence

Many women who have experienced transvaginal mesh complications have needed additional surgery to attempt to remove the mesh and to repair organ damage. Often, however, these surgeries are not successful. Some women are caught in a cycle of repeated episodes of mesh erosion and surgery to remove protruding mesh. In other cases, the mesh has become embedded in the woman’s organs and cannot be removed. In legal documents, women have said they felt they were worse off after the surgery.

J&J Withheld Information about Complications and Injuries

Evidence introduced during the trial indicated that J&J manipulated the literature about problems with its pelvic mesh products and withheld information about complications and injuries from doctors, Philly.com reports.

Many of the lawsuits allege that Ethicon failed to warn the women and the medical community about potential complications. With adequate warnings about pelvic mesh complications, women say they would have chosen the older surgical technique.

In a 2011 safety communication for women and health care providers, the FDA said serious complications associated with transvaginal mesh “are not rare.” Further, the agency said, it is “not clear that transvaginal POP repair with mesh is more effective than traditional non-mesh repair in all patients with POP and it may expose patients to greater risk.”

In January 2016, in response to thousands of lawsuits and reports of mesh failure and complications, the FDA issued two orders for transvaginal mesh devices. The first order reclassifies vaginal mesh devices from Class II, the moderate-risk device category to Class III, the high-risk category. The categories are assigned depending on how likely it is that a particular device will cause serious and permanent health consequences or even death. The second FDA order requires vaginal mesh manufacturers to submit premarket approval (PMA) applications to support the safety and effectiveness of their vaginal mesh devices.

Carl Tobias, who teaches product liability law at the University of Richmond in Virginia, believes Johnson & Johnson should consider a comprehensive settlement for all the pending pelvic mesh cases. “There’s no sense in continuing to shell out for the defense costs and suffer the reputation damage that comes with each win by the plaintiffs.” Tobias explains.

Help for Women Who Have Suffered Transvaginal Mesh Injuries

If you or someone you know has suffered injuries or complications from a transvaginal mesh device or have undergone additional surgery to remove the mesh or repair organ damage, the attorneys at Parker Waichman LLP can evaluate your legal options. For a free, no-obligation consultation, fill out the online contact form or call 1-800-YOURLAWYER (1-800-968-7529).

        from Parker Waichman http://www.yourlawyer.com/blog/jury-awards-record-57-1-million-transvaginal-mesh-case/

from WordPress https://parkerwaichman.wordpress.com/2017/09/12/jury-awards-record-57-1-million-in-transvaginal-mesh-case/

[parkerwaichmanlaw]

Jury Awards Record $57.1 Million in Transvaginal Mesh Case

On September 7, 2017, a Philadelphia jury awarded $57.1 million in damages to a Pennsylvania woman who was injured by pelvic mesh implants made by Johnson & Johnson’s Ethicon division.

The 51-year-old woman suffers constant pain and incontinence because the mesh migrated from the insertion site and damaged her urethra, Philly.com reports. Doctors operated three times to remove two devices.

This verdict is the largest awarded in a pelvic mesh suit. The award includes $50 million in punitive damages. In December 2015, an Indiana woman was awarded $12.5 million; a New Jersey woman received $13.5 million in February 2016. In April 2017, another New Jersey woman received $20, and a Pennsylvania woman received $2.1 million in June.

National law firm Parker Waichman notes that Ethicon is not the only mesh manufacturer facing legal action. Boston Scientific, C.R. Bard, Cook Medical, Coloplast, and American Medical Systems also face substantial numbers of lawsuits over their mesh products.

Pelvic Mesh Devices

Pelvic mesh—transvaginal mesh—is used to treat women’s pelvic organ prolapse (POP) and stress urinary incontinence (SUI). SUI and POP occur when the pelvic structures that support a woman’s uterus, bladder and intestines weaken due to childbirth, surgery, or aging. The organs drop (prolapse) into the vagina, causing incontinence and bowel and sexual problems.

The mesh device is implanted to provide support for the organs and relieve pain and other symptoms. Before transvaginal mesh came to market, surgery for POP and SUI involved creating support for the organs using the woman’s own tissues. Surgeons began using surgical mesh in the 1950s for hernia repair. Several decades later mesh products gained U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approval for POP and SUI surgeries.

Injuries and Complications

Women who have filed transvaginal mesh lawsuits allege they have suffered complications including

mesh protrusion into the vagina

infection

inflammation

nerve damage

scar tissue

organ perforation

painful intercourse

urinary and bowel incontinence

Many women who have experienced transvaginal mesh complications have needed additional surgery to attempt to remove the mesh and to repair organ damage. Often, however, these surgeries are not successful. Some women are caught in a cycle of repeated episodes of mesh erosion and surgery to remove protruding mesh. In other cases, the mesh has become embedded in the woman’s organs and cannot be removed. In legal documents, women have said they felt they were worse off after the surgery.

J&J Withheld Information about Complications and Injuries

Evidence introduced during the trial indicated that J&J manipulated the literature about problems with its pelvic mesh products and withheld information about complications and injuries from doctors, Philly.com reports.

Many of the lawsuits allege that Ethicon failed to warn the women and the medical community about potential complications. With adequate warnings about pelvic mesh complications, women say they would have chosen the older surgical technique.

In a 2011 safety communication for women and health care providers, the FDA said serious complications associated with transvaginal mesh “are not rare.” Further, the agency said, it is “not clear that transvaginal POP repair with mesh is more effective than traditional non-mesh repair in all patients with POP and it may expose patients to greater risk.”

In January 2016, in response to thousands of lawsuits and reports of mesh failure and complications, the FDA issued two orders for transvaginal mesh devices. The first order reclassifies vaginal mesh devices from Class II, the moderate-risk device category to Class III, the high-risk category. The categories are assigned depending on how likely it is that a particular device will cause serious and permanent health consequences or even death. The second FDA order requires vaginal mesh manufacturers to submit premarket approval (PMA) applications to support the safety and effectiveness of their vaginal mesh devices.

Carl Tobias, who teaches product liability law at the University of Richmond in Virginia, believes Johnson & Johnson should consider a comprehensive settlement for all the pending pelvic mesh cases. “There’s no sense in continuing to shell out for the defense costs and suffer the reputation damage that comes with each win by the plaintiffs.” Tobias explains.

Help for Women Who Have Suffered Transvaginal Mesh Injuries

If you or someone you know has suffered injuries or complications from a transvaginal mesh device or have undergone additional surgery to remove the mesh or repair organ damage, the attorneys at Parker Waichman LLP can evaluate your legal options. For a free, no-obligation consultation, fill out the online contact form or call 1-800-YOURLAWYER (1-800-968-7529).

        from Parker Waichman http://www.yourlawyer.com/blog/jury-awards-record-57-1-million-transvaginal-mesh-case/

[the-invisible-overlooked-one]

My (seemingly) "UNbeliveable" Life-Story:

(a "SOLO-carreer" )

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My life had been totally DEVOID of "female youth" from the very beginning: I have had NO sister, NO girl-friend, NO fiancée, NO wife, NO daughter EVER ! :((( All my Life up to now I had been trying IN VAIN to get to know & to get in close proximity & finally into a relationship with a YOUNG Lady or Girl. :´-(

I was NOT allowed to be the Brother of a Sister, the Boy-Friend of a Girl-Friend, the Fiance of a Fiancee, the Husband of a Wife, nor the Father of an own Daughter.

Thanks to the fear, mistrust and shyness of you Ladies I have nothing but been alone all my life. :-(

And instead of explaining to me, what disturbes you talking to me & looking at me (and what I could possibly change),  you just say: “I don´t believe, you never had a girl-friend. I think you´re joking!” :-O Or you just ask ME: "What has been the reason for the failure ?", allthough I hoped to learn THAT from YOU. :-(

I have several UNmet needs & lacks of needs concerning the YOUNG Femininity to yet satisfy:

For brotherly/sisterly Love, for Love in Life-Partnership & Relationship & for fatherly/daughterly Love.

In meinem einsamen Leben hat das "Junge, Weibliche" immerzu nur gefehlt, schon von Anfang an: Ich hatte keine Schwester, keine Freundin, keine Frau, keine Tochter !!! :(((

Ich durfte kein Bruder einer Schwester sein, kein Freund einer Freundin, kein Verlobter einer Verlobten & kein Vater einer Tochter.

Dank dem Mißtrauen & der Scheu und Angst von Euch Damen war ich mein ganzes Leben lang nur allein. :-(

Und statt mir zu erklären, was Euch so sehr an mir stört (und ich ggf. daran ändern könnte), sagt Ihr mir nur: “Das glaube ich Dir nicht, daß Du noch NIE ne Freundin hattest. Ich vermute, Du veralberst mich!” :-O

Oder ihr fragt mich: "WORAN scheiterte es denn immer ?", obwohl ICH doch diese Frage endlich von EUCH geklärt zu bekommen hoffte. :-(

Daher habe ich MEHRERE UNerfüllte Bedürfnisse & Bedürfnis-Mängel gegenüber JUNGER Weiblichkeit auszugleichen:

Nach geschwisterlich-schwesterlicher Liebe, nach lebenspartnerschaftlicher Liebe & Beziehungserfahrung & nach väterlich-töchterlicher  Liebe.

Dans ma vie solitaire, il n´y a eu de la Jeunesse féminine ou de la jeune Fémininité jamais ! Je n´ai eu une sœur, une amie, une coupine, une fiancée, une femme, une épouse ou une propre fille de moi-même jamais !!! :(((

Grâce à la peur et défiance de vous femmes je n´ai été que seul toute ma vie. :-(

Et au lieu de m´expliquer ce que vous gênes de parler avec moi et regarder moi (, et me dire ce que je peux changer peut-être), vous me disez: >>Je ne croix pas, que tu n´ais eu d´amie jamais ! Je pense, que tu raconte des bobards !<<

Ou vous demandez moi: >>C´était à cause de QUOI ?<< , bien que MOI, je veux apprendre ca de VOUS ! :O

Je n'ai pas été autorisé à être le frère d'une soeur, le garçon-ami d'une amie-fille, le fiancé d'une fiancée, le mari d'une femme, ni le père d'une propre fille.

What can I do ????? …. :-S

Que puis-je faire ????? ..... :-s

WAS kann ich tun ????? .... :-s

Ich hatte leider noch NIEMALS eine Freundin oder Frau. :-( Wer mag mir helfen, das zu ändern ? :-)

I never ever had a girl-friend or wife in my whole life. :-( Who wants to help me to change that ? :-)

Je n´ai eu d´amie ou femme jamais ! :-( Qui veut m´aider à changer ça ? :-)

Please send Post to the following adress (I am NOT here in the Internet truely ;-) !):

GERHARD MARTIN , the lonliest Man in the Universe

D-7900 Freiburg

Germany

(Elternanschrift / Adress at Parents / Adresse chez les Parents: D-87527 Sonthofen, Germany)

PLEASE WRITE ME LETTER-POST INSTEAD OF E-MAILS. I AM NOT really HERE in the internet ; I AM OUTSIDE IN THE REAL WORLD: :-D

Bitte schreibt mir Brief-Post, Leute ! Ich bin schließlich nicht "hier" im Indernetz, sondern DRAUSSEN in der Wirklichkeit. :-D

Écrivez-moi des lettres, pas d´e-mail, s´il vous plaît ! Je ne suis pas "ici" à l` internet; je suis dedans la réalitée. :-D

Raitim Leta long mi , plis. Mi no stap long "hia", long internet. Mi stap arasait, long laip tru . :-D

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(1.): CLAIM OF RESPONSIBILITY:

INexperiencedness, aloofness, shyness and "(in)voluntary" Celibacy

I am thoroughly fed up & through with ….

I am a lonely “Upper-Allgäuer”-Ian in exile” trying to escape from winter and loneliness. At the risk that no one believes me, but I am now already 37 years young and had unfortunately still NOT A SINGLE girl-friend or wife ever before. (That it is because of my physical appearance, I do not really believe, but for some unknown reason, pretty young women are always just passing by, just like I’m not there. Or are they just as UNcertain as I am ? :-S ). For 21 years I had imagined a completely one-sided relationship with a (former) classmate as being “my girl-fried”, and now I’m glad I finally woke up and finally would like so much to catch up. I want to learn & experience what it means to give true emotional and physical love and finally get it in return. I would like to let YOU help me in this. 0:-) Important to me is particularly unsparing honesty and openness, so addiction to romance, to relationship and to misunderstood physical love (Sex-rubbish) may get NO breeding ground, as well as “abstinence-from-love”-addictions.

https://www.publishersweekly.com/978-0-06-254860-3

https://www.harpercollins.com/9780062276032/escape-from-intimacy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otynMEeMStg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOYAPOk5rpY

To me it is all about the showing of vulnerability (need-based awareness, understanding & communication). I am afraid when I think back to the experienced lonely years. :O Many problems I’ve caused just myself (especially my own aloofness), but unfortunately, I am anything but an “expert on women” (although I would like to be, and always wanted to be); maybe that´s because I only grew up with two brothers. (I now also accept more and more the question of how much the women are “experts on women” THEMSELVES or not, or to what extent they may be “experts on men” …and how much I am an “expert on men” myself ???)

What I openly want to admit with this, is:

The behavior of women is simply a book of 7,777,777 seals for me, but I’ve learned that one usually THEN is sending out unintelligible  signals or double-messages when he / she is NOT really aware of what he / she even wants to express and to achieve. I myself will therefore say more consciously: I have great fear of rejection and discouragement by women, which I like, because I’ve NEVER experienced anything different before. :O I feel loneliness, sadness and helplessness for 37 years now, because if I get no response(s) of YOUNG women & Girls (except contempt and withdrawal) at all, then I do not know how I can fulfill my need for female solidarity and closeness. I am intimidated by discouragement and allegations very quickly, because I have truely a lot of respect for women, but maybe I do not dare to express that enough ? :-S What hurts me most of all, is when I read, that even veritable dream-girls write to me, that they do not really believe me that I’d never had a girl-friend or wife by my side, ever. :O :( But the tragic irony is that NONE of them really offers any interest towards me or even WANTS to have me around. At least I conclude this from their more than restrained reactions. Perhaps it´s because they assume & imply that I would be a Macho-man, who had LOTS & LOADS of girl-friends yet. That makes me infinitely sad. :( Women say about themselves, they want to be “CONQUERED” ; … I´m afraid I am a pacifist, not a conqueror. :O)

If this text touches your soul, then you’ve already helped me to some extent, as far as you tell me SO, too. :) Please dare to break the silence that is almost audible in the room. Since August 2011 I have now even embraced the first pretty young women (… which of course have all had someone as a boy-friend, as they revealed to me ).

But there´s a LOT more possible I´m sure ! :) And I want to have one or two own children! =D (Especially a daughter, something young & female for once in my life)

I wait, (-but not for the sake of waiting-) on your request or offer ! :D

Hopefully see you soon ! Dare, please !!! :) (I still did not get TOO close to any woman yet ! ;-)

I have the love-experience of a 12 - or 13-year old Teenager. :O I know of no kiss, no fondling, no long-term cuddling, caressing …not even an amorous look in each other´s eye. :(

I sure cannot do EVERYTHING ALL ALONE, right ??! ;-)

GERHARD

https://www.studiblog.net/2014/06/04/why-women-dont-like-nice-guys/

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(2.): REMNANTS FROM THE PAST & SELF-FULFILLED DIAGNOSISES:

Thanks to the fear, anxiety and mistrust of you ladies I had been alone all my life. :-(

And instead you´d tell me what bothers you so much about me (and what I could possibly change) you only tell me: “I do not believe, that you have NEVER had a girl-friend ! I guess you´re joking ! ” :-O Or, YOU ask ME: “WHAT was the CAUSE for the constant failure ?” even though I hoped to get this issue finally resolved by YOU. :-(

And everything began THIS way:

CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL of KEMPTEN (Upper-Allgäu, Bavaria) 1975:

Parents just used to hand over their children to Strangers & leave them to the hospital, and doctors just used to send parents back home. It was common practice in "children´s hospitals" at that time. Beds for the relatives of the children weren´t even THERE.

Twice (at age 8 months & age 1 year and 1 month) I had emotional experiences of complete neglection of my needs for DAYS, accompanied by most careful “medi-cynical” care:

- “Lumbar puncture” ( removal/extraction of "liquor" from the interior of the spinal cord )

- “when bumping it, Child shows no compensatory movements, child simply drops to”

- “Tendons-Reflexes can not be assessed, because of intense crying”

- "Arms always held far to the side, when sitting and lying"

"permanent holding the arms spread aside NOT noticed (by the Parents)"

- X-rays, blood serum levels, EEG, ECG, antibiotics, …

- Etc. …

+ BUT: no love, no peaceful proximity, closeness, nest-warmth, basic-trust or being accepted :-(

Moreover, my “other-directed” mother stopped to breastfeed me after 4 weeks , on the advice of the violent “child experts”. This would be indeed "obsolete" & “from the Past”, they said …. “empirically superior”. : O

She has expressed the suggestion towards me that I was probably strapped or "fixed" for the sake of extracting liquid from my spinal cord. :-S :-O :-(

My mother said that she had noticed I had changed a lot after she had brought me back home from the Children’s Hospital. I had become a cry-baby, if only she wanted to touch me or just turn on the back.

I have an image in mind:

Could some hopelessly overworked nurse no longer bear my screaming for my parents , and started to choke, shake and jolt me out of helplessness and UNawareness for needs ? :O

UNTILL TODAY I feel strange sensations of narrowness, tightness and crampedness in my throat, and a racing pulse in my throat. Sometimes even spinning-sensations and dizziness !

I can only imagine that I have experienced my life depending completely to the weal and woe of a young woman, which had not responded empathically to my desperate cries, but with almost lethal VIOLENCE instead. That would explain WHY I confronted pretty young women all my life, as though I would beg them to let me live. Women write to me, I seem to be “cramped” to them, so they feel overwhelmed, overburdened & overtaxed.

For the following empathic words of a nice lady (after a “seemingly fruitless” Rendez-vous) I am really very grateful:

“You know, maybe you’re searching too desperate. I believe you, that you want to know love for once. But the more you try something desperately, the less it works.

It can also scare off , if a woman reads that you haven´t had any experience, that you have never had a girl-friend, but you really want it desperately. Thus, the woman is under pressure.

You are very open and honest, but maybe you should not divulge & reveal so much from you IN THE FIRST PLACE ?!

For a proper acquaintance one needs time, patience; and perhaps you expect too much at once? You are certainly very desperate when it comes to love. But you also really leave that impression, one can notice so. “

YES ! This creates mutual fears of expectations, I’m sure. And love sure cannot be “forced”.

I am now trying to learn to trust and use the trust into the knowledge, that GENERALLY any woman can love ME at any time !

Then I am hopeful that I send out less signals of aloofness…and can get back more signals of proximity. It ALL depends on reciprocity. 0:-)

March, 4. / 5. of 2012: NEVER AGAIN “UNtouched”:

My first night of love:

I have now, after 37 1/2 years of complete loneliness, made love with a young woman for the very first time. How joyful & loving ! ^_^ ...but also exhausting, overwhelming & overtaxing !!! :-o -_- PHEW !!!

Previously, before THIS date, NOT even ONE GIRL had shown “mercy” to me.

A stigma was taken away from me. :-) … But a real relationship is, unfortunately, still written in the stars … (sigh).

SHE had said, that SHE had made HER "first experiences" with the other Gender at age 12 or 13 ! :-o ...and I did now at the age of 37  1/2 years. Two completely different worlds seem to have "collided" there... but honestly: Maybe it had been a FIRST REAL experience of true closeness & making love for the BOTH of us ?! ;-) 0:-D

And … to react to a hasty, tacit assumption :

No, I’m definitely NOT interested in other MEN ! :-(P I am disgusted by so called “gay” men, who (-I´m sure-) are just irritated about their real love-needs, and I have even once had a harmful, personally disappointing experience with a 50-year-old "gay" man, which I’m still embittered about today. :(( They can ignore me as much as they want, the ladies, but: NO woman had ever been acting SO disrespectingly towards ME, like THIS guy! I feel fear and disgust towards men who do not want to BE one. :O Please confirm to me credibly, that you REALIZE, RECOGNIZE & ACCEPT my needs as a MAN towards young, inviting, fertile, fresh FEMININITY ! O.K. ?

(Here in the Internet, I have, however, also occasionally received sex-addicted offers from women, too. BUT: Not a hundredth as many as YOU might think !!! :-P And Gerhard can already distinguish between real physical love and sex ! You don´t need to worry! To “get rid of women” NEVER had been a problem to me, by the way. :-) But to make contact with young, attractive women, on the other hand, really had been an aggravation, all the more. :-O :-( It scares me when I hear that women RATHER assume, that I was a gay “Homo-Lullu”, than that they would be willing to offer me a chance to get to know them. : (

YOUNG women make it as hard for me as probably possible, I’m afraid. :-(

Since 1995, young ladies DO NOT TALK TO ME ANYMORE out there in reality. :O (And they even were at a loss for words towards me, BEFORE this.) They behave & act digital-media-addicted and autistic. They talk only with their ears and hear the voices of people who are not there. :-O But I am no longer heard by them. :(

Also, I am aware of irritating evidence of contradictory, UNconscious ways of thinking & feeling, if I get messages here in the Internet:

JUDGEMENTS ONLY SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THESE PEOPLE, WHO ARE JUDGING:

For young women, I “am”:

-Too honest and too dishonest

-Too open & too sealed

-too directly & too restraint

-Too alternatively & too conservative

-Too homophobic & too gay-suspicious

-Too attractive & too unattractive

-Too eloquently & too quiet

-Too serious & too cheerful and silly

-Too shy & too briskly

-Too impetuous & too LITTLE Macho

-Too long & too short

-Too picky & too less picky

- Too JUDGED & too few judged

I’m afraid, I do not know, how I ever could even begin to correspond to this convoluted and contradictory claims . :-S

Women probably do NOT know at all what they really want. Can that be true ?:-S

AND …: Women always wish me “Good Luck & Much Success !” …and pass me over to the next, next on,… Lady :-(

I can not stand to hear this anymore ! I´m fed up ! :( Sigh

DARE to approach at least for ONCE !!! What’s wrong with you, Ladies ? :-O

And with the words “I like the way you write!” women make “unmistakably” clear that THIS was the last message from them that I´ll get to read.

And yet another inexplicable Phenomena:

Whenever I actually had a good start with talking to young ladies out in the real world (especially with serene, small, natural, blonde “bundles of joy” :-D), then these ladies soon …had departed to Cologne. :O

For whatever reason just always to THIS place. :-S I wonder now, what they would do, if I moved to Cologne myself. :-S Hmmm ???

I was often told, it wasn´t because of my physical appearance, if women turn away from me so much. But gradually I have SERIOUS doubts about this theory. My appearance seems to deter enormous. : O-BUH! I sure AM the safest “contraceptive” that exists.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wyct_8OL1Zg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSyOb8nKR20

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9N1i9NPGrVA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCkGwz-mrYc

https://www.studiblog.net/2014/06/04/why-women-dont-like-nice-guys/

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(3.): LOVE AT LAST LOOK ? & merely “FLEEING ACQUAINTANCES”  :-S

A request:

I feel sad, lonely, desperate, helpless, frustrated, disappointed and totally confused, …even more I ‘m scared if I’m aware of the efforts with which I try, to get female attention of young ladies… but get NOTHING but rejections. :-O :-(

I need feedback, confirmation and encouragement when I turn to young women (who I would like possibly), that it’s O.K. for you when I try to meet you closer.

Otherwise, I do not know how I EVER can satisfy my need for female proximity and closeness … or even just once can meet nice girls for companionship. :-(

Please tell me just ONCE in my lonely life that you like to have my presence and offer to me the chance to make a closer “sniffing” possible …. and how you do feel when you’re reading THIS … O.K. ?

Instead of always assuming hastily, that I´d EVER HAD a girl-friend already. :-O

EUREKA ! I think I got it! :)

Maybe I have found the essential explanation NOW why my efforts towards women, which I liked, had NEVER been rewarded by the hoped-for success:

Ironically, I, who do NOT fulfill or meet one of the popular men’s clichés *, have had (-a lifetime long-) only trust to the “love at first sight”-recipe ??? tz-tz-tz-tz-tz !?

What did I expect to get (except skepticism, confusion, helplessness and uncertainty), if I offer to all young immature ladies, EVERYTHING but what they are USED to receive from men … what they know … and consequently expect ? :-S

Sure, that too fast, hasty & commentless retreat & withdrawal from me (-which I know just too well of young ladies-) , maybe had been a (misread) sign to me, to believe that only in the very first few seconds / minutes of a new meeting a success would be possible. :-S But if I encounter women with EXACTLY THAT attitude & belief , they will be able to feel my impatience, tenseness and anticipatory anxiety. And feelings always come in mirror image: The women then feel that way, too. The danger is unfortunately large that they do not understand to express those emotions … and rather flee instead. :-O

And they HAVE withdrawn from me, a lonely 37-year-old life long. : (

Therefore, I find it so enormously difficult to imagine that even AFTER getting a rejection of a lady who I like, maybe there´s still basically the possibility of a “reconciliation, understanding and forgiveness”. :-S I just had NEVER experienced something different than pretty young ladies turning away from me … without a single word …or even complaining at me. : ( And then LEAVING me, just to be NEVER seen again ! :-X

I’ ve consciously decided to learn patience, confidence and trust in long-term success (with sufficient lead time to “sniff” at each other). Expectations have influence on the result. In longer term, there are plenty of options to re-encounter, as long as one (1.) believes in this… and (2.) tries it in a relaxed manner. :-)

And THEN there will also be a chance of getting to know each other nearer ; at least it´s not completely excluded ;-) ? Right ? ^_^

… Perhaps even love at LATER view?

Then there still remain the KNOWN, other difficulties:

- My shyness and uncertainty caused by the enormous experiences of rejection & failure in young women

- My inexperience with everything "young feminine", because I grew up WITHOUT sister, no girl-friend or wife … and consequently had no daughter, either.

- The wordless fear of women, THAT I was a ruthless macho-man … AND their equally big fear that I was NOT a macho-man.

- The digital media-addicted autism of young ladies today. They do not even notice me when I speak DIRECTLY to them. : (

(I do not even hear: “Heeey, You’re disturbing my wireless reception/connection !” from them.)

- My most fervent desire for DIRECT communication (WITHOUT media-dependency)

- My honesty, openness and questioning mindful view of life

- The painful tragedy that most women (and men) confuse the physical love, the “making love” with sex … and sex with a natural need … and I have quit to do this ,ever since I awoke from my abstinence-addiction.

- OTHER very common misunderstandings about “what love is all about”…like addiction to romance ….or addiction to relationship (either to as MANY ones as possible….or to “the ONLY One” :-O )

- The “-Self-fulfilling-Prohecy”, if I write publicly, no woman would want me

- The lack of economic appreciation for my work.

- my humble life-claims in OTHER affairs, too

* (Macho-Man, womanizer, mama’s boy, swot, intellectual, full failure, “dynamic maker”, etc …)

And: EUREKA! No. 2:

I had another insight:

Since the moment of my procreation I miss a “life-affirming impulse”, a life-and-loving impulse, a “divine spark” …. All my past life, I never had felt “wanted” … just “tolerated” best. : (

But this deficit I can only fill up with the beloved, lacked Things myself. And exactly THIS also explains my error, and my deterrent effect on women:

I have encontered the women who interested me, always in a such a manner that they could perceive my begging. I tried to PERSUADE the ladies to love MYSELF INSTEAD of ME loving myself. : O But actually NO woman in the world is ABLE to do this, and because of this unspoken fear , to be overburdened & overtaxed with such a task, they always drew back from me intuitively. : (

I now can fully understand this. ONLY I myself can learn to accept MYSELF FOR MYSELF…. to be THEN capable of love for someone else. :)

So, I try to accept me now as the “wanted/willed-by-myself.” :) Only if I can cope alone with me -WITHOUT a woman-, then I am ready for a love-relationship WITH a woman. :)

Anyhow, 1 Question still remains absolutely UNanswered:

If the YOUNG women really claim so much, that being CASUAL, RELAXED, OPEN MINDED, OPEN-ENDED, UNselfconscious , UNbiased & NOT binding would be so essential for dating, then I ask myself, WHY the heck these young Ladies & Girls always treated me with such ARTIFICIAL (negative) IMPORTANCE all my Life long, as to EXclude & ignore me so extremely, that one almost could SMELL the Tension !?!? Why do you GIVE such a big , "women-created" Significance to me , by treating me so exceptional & by creating an absolutely artificial Weighting of my Person & my Actions, if you´re really supposedly so much into Easiness, Relaxation, Looseness, Indifference, Non-Commitment & Open-Endedness ???

That´s a fundamental CONTRADICTION for me !!! WHAT do you actually WANT ???

Please CHOOSE & DECIDE finally !!! OK ?

And secondly:

Why is it, that your cold Ignorance, your silent Arrogance, your scary Silence & your emotional Coldness towards Me is so darn EASY for you ?

HOW do you manage so effortlessly to create & hold all this Tension so EASILY , WITHOUT being exposed to any kind of Consequence as a "Mirror-Image", or without receiving any Form of Resonance at all ???

How is is even POSSIBLE, that all your Crampedness & Tenseness towards me stays so FREE of any DISadvantages for YOU ???

Honestly: You´re CREEPY to me ! :-O

https://www.studiblog.net/2014/06/04/why-women-dont-like-nice-guys/

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(4.): WASTED MANLY FRESHNESS:

I am afraid of withering, before I have flourished ever !

"O.K.", you young Ladies & Girls of Middle-Europe:

Now you have ALMOST managed to DO it: If you just let some MORE YEARS of my manly Youth & Freshness go by UNused ... let them slip through my Fingers in vain, ...waste them & ignore them to Death... then I will become finally THAT much withered, that from then on, you can claim a new & very useful Excuse for excluding me & ostracizing me further on: And that IS, that I finally... FINALLY will have become "TOO OLD" for You !!! :-( After apparently having been "TOO YOUNG" for you finicky & picky Ladies all my Life BEFORE !?!? :-/ SIGH :-(

CONGRATULATIONS !!! For such a senseless, nonsensical, UNsatisfactory & self-fulfilling Accomplishment !

Already NOW I have a presentiment of  HOW enormously BIG the Sadness & the Fear will be, which I´ll feel, as soon as I in fact will have grown SO OLD, that young & still-fertile Femininity up  to Age 40, will turn their back on me , for reasons of "faded, vanished manly Vitality & Freshness" ...after they have let my Attractiveness & Energy slip away in vain & UNused !

How shall I ever MOURN enough for this UNbelieveable, INcredible,...because so UNnecessary & so AVOIDABLE Misery of a completely "overlooked" & bypassed Life of a Man ?!?!

How shall I ever overcome that "Primary Shock" , which I was exposed to very early in Life ( in 1975 , by a young overworked Nurse, who almost STRANGLED me to Death) & ever overcome this (seemingly) INsurmountable deep Ravine, between ME & female Youth/young Femininity, when from now on there´s also the Difference in Age between ME & unused, fresh & fertile Femininity ???

What Perspective & Chance will be left to me, to ever catch UP on all that, which the Girls & Ladies already always had REJECTED to me & have DEPRIVED me of, when I still was young & fresh myself ???

I am afraid, that FEMALE Youth will become only MORE aloof, repellent, unapproachable to me, & thus even MORE scary to me , that way.

And: As this always is a mutual thing..., but the Girls & Women never ever become AWARE (enough) of their own Fears, Insecurity & Confusion, they therefore rather keep their Distance towards me, by judging me & labelling me as being "strange" , "weird" or "suspiciously crazy". :-/

This way, young women & Girls not only distract (themselves) from their own Fears, Insecurity & Confusion, NO, they also add some "artificial Significance" to ME (-without noticing so, of course-), which I definitely do NOT necessarily "need" to have, nor do I WANT to have it !

From the very beginning, I miss also a "consequential Resonance" & a "resonant Consequence" in all the Actions, Activity & Behaviour of female Youth ! WHERE on Earth had ever been the Correlation & the mutual Mirror-Images of the Behaviour, the Feelings & the Needs of young Femininity, compared to MINE ???

WHERE had been any Evidence of THEIR Longings & Wishing & Wanting (towards ME) ???

Why did the Girls & young women always make it AS EASY AS POSSIBLE for me all my Life, to "avoid" THEM (the other way round) in my former Addiction-to-Abstinence ???

Why had this been so darn EASY ...without experiencing ANY Resonance , either for THEM or for ME ???

I do NOT understand that at all !!! This is a Division by Zero !!! Here, the natural Laws known to me, face an arbitrary Exception of NO rational Definition or Explanation !!!

:-/

Soon, I´ll maybe end up like THIS Man here, who stayed young... because he stayed Single !:

among "HE searches HER":

GIRLS, WHAT DO YOU WANT ???

A nice Guy, with Humour, good-natured & a loyal Soul. Someone who will listen to You, understand You ...and who´s ready for any .. well, almost any Deed ! And also is handsome. Then finally open Your Eyes !!

My best Friend is such a Guy, but unfortunately, he´s too shy to talk to You Ladies. With Age 42, he´s probaly just in the right Age for You... so please write to him via E-Mail-Adress....

I am afraid of withering, before I have ever flourished !

From mw OWN personal Life-Experience, I could not even TELL nor KNOW, that Women actually DO have interest in the male Gender at all, ... if there hadn´t been the OLD, withered, worn-off, MARRIED Women , with (almost) grown-up Children !!!

As much as YOUNG Women & Girls have only avoided, ignored, shunned, spurned & "overlooked" me arrogantly all my Youth & my young Adulthood long, the OLD Ladies have been all the more obtrusive, importunate & troublesome towards ME , ever since I was a little Child !!!

From the Days of my Childhood, I was surrounded by nothing but "Aunties" , "Mommies" & "Grannies" !! :-( UGH !

All this almost crossed the line to "Child-Abuse" ! An older Man once used the Word "Prostitution", referring to this Situation.

If only 1 single young Women or Girl only ONCE had pressed so hard on me, adored me , swarmed (a)round me, only 1/thousandth as much, as those Armies of OLD Ladies always have done incessantly since my Childhood, .... if I therefore only ONCE had experienced a Fraction of this exuberant, foaming-over  Interest & swollen, bloated Attention of the OLD, barren Femininity, ... by the YOUNG, FRESH, FERTILE & UNused Femininity for a Change, ... then I would be MARRIED now for many Years already ...and I would be the Father of 10 Children !

But instead of that, I have to now fight & fend off the unrelenting Storm & Attack of the encroaching, possessive, seizuring , occupying, possession-taking, "militantly-nice", troublesome, obtrusive, importunate, pushy, withered, used-up, worn-off, expired, faded, weather-worn, married, widowed, UNattractive, sterile, barren ... but horrible, awful, FORMER Femininity, for the Rest of my Life !!!

"Gery" is NOT the Abreviation of "Geriatrics", OK ??!!!!!

Definition of the Term "Menopause":

= The Age, from which on the Women all of a sudden "PAUSE" their hitherto existing, previous emotional Indifference & their Arrogance towards me ... for the Rest of their Lives.

I am afraid of withering, before I ever have flourished yet !

Why do only YOUNG Women & Girls NOT like "Nice-Guys" ? Whereas the OLD Women are even ADDICTED to those ?

The old Geezer-Ladies can even HATE me to the Core....but they never ever callously IGNORE me, like the Girls do ! :-( SIGH

--------

But it´s ME, actually, who is in an acute Hurry: My Time is running out, my "biological Clock" is ticking ! How shall I be able to get in Contact with YOUNG, FERTIL Femininity right in Time, ...when I have grown OLD myself, and have become worn-off & exhausted ???

And, what´s worst: I also won´t ever be able to be the Grandpa of my own Grand-Daughter, that way ! :-O

And when I´ll finally once have become an old Geezer of 99 Years myself:

NO OLD Lady will ever step TOO CLOSE up to me again !!!

Either I can finally manage to CATCH UP on my UNmet Needs for Contact with FEMALE YOUTH ...& HEAL UP this open Wound... or I´ll just stay Single untill the very last Day of my Life !!!

I am afraid of withering, before I ever got to flourish yet, in the first place !!!

https://www.studiblog.net/2014/06/04/why-women-dont-like-nice-guys/

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https://www.xing.com/profile/Gerhard_Martin14

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History and Purpose of Wahnmache/ MahnWache: ————————————————————————

Founded around 1991 by Gerhard Martin (Guitar & Keyboard & Drums) & Daniel Robert Oelbauer (Drums & Violin) as „TOLLHAUS“ (T.od O.hne L.angfristig L.ebenswerte H.offnung A.ll U.nseres S.eins ), while studying in the Gymnasium Sonthofen. Our first and only public Concert (Winter 1994) took place WITHOUT us, since we were NOT informed about it right in time. As NOBODY could be found for playing the bass, the „Band“ never grew to bigger extent than 3 men (additional Guitar-Player Andreas Reck joined in late 1993). And 1994 had been the year of the tacit disbandment, too. The project just diverged without comment. Some „easy & silly listening“-Folk-Rock-Band took the name TOLLHAUS for their Band…and I named my solo-project „WahnMache / MahnWache“ as an equivocation to the German word for a „political or admonishing vigil“ and the „making of madness“. It now is a solo-project, but it does not necessarily NEED to stay one, right ? ;-) Please help to develop these recordings into full wholesome songs with any instrument that would help to complement the expression of it. Strongly demanded would be Drums and Bass …but any other instrument is wellcome, too, as far as it can be useful to transport the emotional message of this music MORE, or in a new and interesting way. Please, let me know, WHAT your interpretation and supplement of my music will sound like. OK ?

Gerhard „Gerre“ Martin

Listen to my own Music-Compositions, please: d*-*b

It´s really expressive instru-metal Music , containing many influences, from "BACH to KRACH".

https://www.myspace.com/gerhard-martin

https://www.myspace.com/gerhard.martin

https://www.myspace.com/wahnmache-mahnwache

https://www.myspace.com/mahnwache-wahnmache

https://www.myspace.com/wahnmache.mahnwache

https://www.myspace.com/mahnwache.wahnmache

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http://www.soundcloud.com/wahnmache-mahnwache/albums

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http://www.metal-archives.com/artists/Gerhard_Martin/679837

http://static.metal-archives.com/~metalarc/board/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=116026&start=80

>>

This one is very awesome, since the band is called "WahnMache / MahnWache"

<< >>

Wow ! Love this one. Their music isn't too bad, either.

<<

http://www.bandnamen.de/w.htm

13 Wahnmache/Mahnwache-Music-Videos:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqwPjRzTey7XU4mYpLRSyVcUTakF-iGFe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ryb_x4to0OE&list=PLqwPjRzTey7XU4mYpLRSyVcUTakF-iGFe&index=1

Download ALL Wahnmache/Mahnwache-Songs (mp3) HERE !!!:

SÄMTLICHE Wahnmache/Mahnwache-Stücke (mp3) hier zum Herunterladen !!!:

Télécharger TOUTES les Chansons de Wahnmache-Mahnwache (mp3) ICI !!!:

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/bnz7h83mttvthis/AAA2HdfmtKO9-k5shZuMRU-ga?oref=e

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

My (hopefully OVERlooked) "Music-Parody-Project":

>>Neg.(ativ)-Narz.(ißmus)<<:

https://myspace.com/negativer-narzissmus   https://myspace.com/negativer.narzissmus

https://myspace.com/negativ-narzissmus

https://myspace.com/negativ.narzissmus

https://www.reverbnation.com/negativernarzissmus   https://soundcloud.com/negativer-narzissmus/albums

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https://www.twine.fm/negativernarzissmus http://www.reverbnation.com/musician/burtcocaine https://www.orfium.com/profile/negativer-narzissmus/ https://www.orfium.com/profile/negativer.narzissmus/

https://www.orfium.com/profile/negativ-narzissmus/

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https://www.indabamusic.com/people/negativ_narzissmus   https://www.hype.co/negativer-narzissmus https://www.hypedsound.com/negativer-narzissmus

Download the FULL Album "zu allem Überfluß" as a ZIP-file with mp3-Songs:

Das vollständige Album "zu allem Überfluß" als ZIP-Datei mit mp3-Liedern:

Télécharger TOUTES les Chansons (mp3) de l ´Album "zu allem Überfluß" ici:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/894rrtqdpgi4o6n/ZORN%20%E2%80%93%20Zu%20allem%20%C3%9Cberfluss.zip?oref=e

https://www.dropbox.com/s/894rrtqdpgi4o6n/ZORN%20%E2%80%93%20Zu%20allem%20%C3%9Cberfluss.zip?oref=e#sthash.aAJfIaFq.dpuf

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I am a MOVIE-STAR now !!! B-)

And even with "half-NUDE-scenes" !!! 8-o ;-) :-P :"> =D Mmmmmh ! ^__^WHEEEEHHH !!!

From Minute 0:35 on, can be seen ! 8-D WOW !

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iU9TUB_KsH8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECdxwD2KcWU

The COMPLETE documentary-film (40 min) for Download:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/hib6jlsj8e7ne44/20140910-2015.m.mp4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xBGxTJKNQc

And finally, I had been engaged in THIS Cinema-Movie B-) as the MAIN supernumerary star:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ke6MaplcKdY

The Scene where I appear was filmed in Oberstdorf, Bavaria at the Schattenberg-Ski-Jump-Ramp ! It´s some mixture of Entertainment & Documentary about the short-sighted British Ski-Jumper Michael "Eddie" Edwards !

Voilà ! ^__^ Enjoy !!!

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My life had been totally DEVOID of “female youth” from the very beginning: I have had NO sister, NO girl-friend, NO fiancée, NO wife, NO daughter EVER ! :((( All my Life, I only have been applying myself totally IN VAIN for experiencing some YOUNG Femininity ! :-O :'(

Thanks to the fear, mistrust and shyness of you Ladies I have nothing but been alone all my life. :-(

And instead of explaining to me, what disturbes you talking to me, looking at me (and what I could possibly change), you just say: “I don´t believe, you never had a girl-friend. I think you´re joking!” :-O Or you just ask ME: “What has been the reason for the failure ?”, allthough I hoped to learn THAT from YOU. :-(

In meinem einsamen Leben hat das “Junge, Weibliche” immerzu nur gefehlt, schon von Anfang an: Ich hatte keine Schwester, keine Freundin, keine Verlobte, keine Frau, keine Tochter !!! :((( Ich habe mich mein GESAMTES Leben lang immer nur VERGEBLICH um etwas "WEIBLICHE JUGEND" bemüht gehabt ! :-O :'(

Dank dem Mißtrauen, der Scheu und Angst von Euch Damen war ich mein ganzes Leben lang nur allein. :-(

Und statt mir zu erklären, was Euch so sehr an mir stört (und ich ggf. daran ändern könnte), sagt Ihr mir nur: “Das glaube ich Dir nicht, daß Du noch NIE ne Freundin hattest. Ich vermute, Du veralberst mich!”:-O

Oder ihr fragt mich: “WORAN scheiterte es denn immer ?”, obwohl ICH doch diese Frage endlich von EUCH geklärt zu bekommen hoffte. :-(

Dans ma Vie, la jeune Fémininité n´a que MANQUÉE seulement ! :-O :-X

Je n´ai eu une soeur, une amie, une coupine, une fiancée, une femme, une épuse, ou une propre fille de moi-même jamais !!! :((( J´ai essayé à trouver un peu de la Jeunesse féminie totallement EN VAINE. :-O :'(

Grâce à la peur et défiance de vous femmes je n´ai été que seul toute ma vie. :-(

Et au lieu de m´expliquer ce que vous gênes de parler avec moi et regarder moi (, et me dire ce que je peux changer peut-être), vous me disez: »Je ne croix pas, que tu n´ais eu d´amie jamais ! Je pense, que tu raconte des bobards!« Ou vous demandez MOI : » C´était à cause de QUOI ?«, bien que MOI, JE veux apprendre ça de VOUS.

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[am-i-untouchable]

My (seemingly) "UNbeliveable" Life-Story:

(a "SOLO-carreer" )

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My life had been totally DEVOID of "female youth" from the very beginning: I have had NO sister, NO girl-friend, NO fiancée, NO wife, NO daughter EVER ! :((( All my Life up to now I had been trying IN VAIN to get to know & to get in close proximity & finally into a relationship with a YOUNG Lady or Girl. :´-(

I was NOT allowed to be the Brother of a Sister, the Boy-Friend of a Girl-Friend, the Fiance of a Fiancee, the Husband of a Wife, nor the Father of an own Daughter.

Thanks to the fear, mistrust and shyness of you Ladies I have nothing but been alone all my life. :-(

And instead of explaining to me, what disturbes you talking to me & looking at me (and what I could possibly change),  you just say: “I don´t believe, you never had a girl-friend. I think you´re joking!” :-O Or you just ask ME: "What has been the reason for the failure ?", allthough I hoped to learn THAT from YOU. :-(

I have several UNmet needs & lacks of needs concerning the YOUNG Femininity to yet satisfy:

For brotherly/sisterly Love, for Love in Life-Partnership & Relationship & for fatherly/daughterly Love.

In meinem einsamen Leben hat das "Junge, Weibliche" immerzu nur gefehlt, schon von Anfang an: Ich hatte keine Schwester, keine Freundin, keine Frau, keine Tochter !!! :(((

Ich durfte kein Bruder einer Schwester sein, kein Freund einer Freundin, kein Verlobter einer Verlobten & kein Vater einer Tochter.

Dank dem Mißtrauen & der Scheu und Angst von Euch Damen war ich mein ganzes Leben lang nur allein. :-(

Und statt mir zu erklären, was Euch so sehr an mir stört (und ich ggf. daran ändern könnte), sagt Ihr mir nur: “Das glaube ich Dir nicht, daß Du noch NIE ne Freundin hattest. Ich vermute, Du veralberst mich!” :-O

Oder ihr fragt mich: "WORAN scheiterte es denn immer ?", obwohl ICH doch diese Frage endlich von EUCH geklärt zu bekommen hoffte. :-(

Daher habe ich MEHRERE UNerfüllte Bedürfnisse & Bedürfnis-Mängel gegenüber JUNGER Weiblichkeit auszugleichen:

Nach geschwisterlich-schwesterlicher Liebe, nach lebenspartnerschaftlicher Liebe & Beziehungserfahrung & nach väterlich-töchterlicher  Liebe.

Dans ma vie solitaire, il n´y a eu de la Jeunesse féminine ou de la jeune Fémininité jamais ! Je n´ai eu une sœur, une amie, une coupine, une fiancée, une femme, une épouse ou une propre fille de moi-même jamais !!! :(((

Grâce à la peur et défiance de vous femmes je n´ai été que seul toute ma vie. :-(

Et au lieu de m´expliquer ce que vous gênes de parler avec moi et regarder moi (, et me dire ce que je peux changer peut-être), vous me disez: >>Je ne croix pas, que tu n´ais eu d´amie jamais ! Je pense, que tu raconte des bobards !<<

Ou vous demandez moi: >>C´était à cause de QUOI ?<< , bien que MOI, je veux apprendre ca de VOUS ! :O

Je n'ai pas été autorisé à être le frère d'une soeur, le garçon-ami d'une amie-fille, le fiancé d'une fiancée, le mari d'une femme, ni le père d'une propre fille.

What can I do ????? …. :-S

Que puis-je faire ????? ..... :-s

WAS kann ich tun ????? .... :-s

Ich hatte leider noch NIEMALS eine Freundin oder Frau. :-( Wer mag mir helfen, das zu ändern ? :-)

I never ever had a girl-friend or wife in my whole life. :-( Who wants to help me to change that ? :-)

Je n´ai eu d´amie ou femme jamais ! :-( Qui veut m´aider à changer ça ? :-)

Please send Post to the following adress (I am NOT here in the Internet truely ;-) !):

GERHARD MARTIN , the lonliest Man in the Universe

D-7900 Freiburg

Germany

(Elternanschrift / Adress at Parents / Adresse chez les Parents: D-87527 Sonthofen, Germany)

PLEASE WRITE ME LETTER-POST INSTEAD OF E-MAILS. I AM NOT really HERE in the internet ; I AM OUTSIDE IN THE REAL WORLD: :-D

Bitte schreibt mir Brief-Post, Leute ! Ich bin schließlich nicht "hier" im Indernetz, sondern DRAUSSEN in der Wirklichkeit. :-D

Écrivez-moi des lettres, pas d´e-mail, s´il vous plaît ! Je ne suis pas "ici" à l` internet; je suis dedans la réalitée. :-D

Raitim Leta long mi , plis. Mi no stap long "hia", long internet. Mi stap arasait, long laip tru . :-D

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(1.): CLAIM OF RESPONSIBILITY:

INexperiencedness, aloofness, shyness and "(in)voluntary" Celibacy

I am thoroughly fed up & through with ….

I am a lonely “Upper-Allgäuer”-Ian in exile” trying to escape from winter and loneliness. At the risk that no one believes me, but I am now already 37 years young and had unfortunately still NOT A SINGLE girl-friend or wife ever before. (That it is because of my physical appearance, I do not really believe, but for some unknown reason, pretty young women are always just passing by, just like I’m not there. Or are they just as UNcertain as I am ? :-S ). For 21 years I had imagined a completely one-sided relationship with a (former) classmate as being “my girl-fried”, and now I’m glad I finally woke up and finally would like so much to catch up. I want to learn & experience what it means to give true emotional and physical love and finally get it in return. I would like to let YOU help me in this. 0:-) Important to me is particularly unsparing honesty and openness, so addiction to romance, to relationship and to misunderstood physical love (Sex-rubbish) may get NO breeding ground, as well as “abstinence-from-love”-addictions.

https://www.publishersweekly.com/978-0-06-254860-3

https://www.harpercollins.com/9780062276032/escape-from-intimacy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otynMEeMStg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOYAPOk5rpY

To me it is all about the showing of vulnerability (need-based awareness, understanding & communication). I am afraid when I think back to the experienced lonely years. :O Many problems I’ve caused just myself (especially my own aloofness), but unfortunately, I am anything but an “expert on women” (although I would like to be, and always wanted to be); maybe that´s because I only grew up with two brothers. (I now also accept more and more the question of how much the women are “experts on women” THEMSELVES or not, or to what extent they may be “experts on men” …and how much I am an “expert on men” myself ???)

What I openly want to admit with this, is:

The behavior of women is simply a book of 7,777,777 seals for me, but I’ve learned that one usually THEN is sending out unintelligible  signals or double-messages when he / she is NOT really aware of what he / she even wants to express and to achieve. I myself will therefore say more consciously: I have great fear of rejection and discouragement by women, which I like, because I’ve NEVER experienced anything different before. :O I feel loneliness, sadness and helplessness for 37 years now, because if I get no response(s) of YOUNG women & Girls (except contempt and withdrawal) at all, then I do not know how I can fulfill my need for female solidarity and closeness. I am intimidated by discouragement and allegations very quickly, because I have truely a lot of respect for women, but maybe I do not dare to express that enough ? :-S What hurts me most of all, is when I read, that even veritable dream-girls write to me, that they do not really believe me that I’d never had a girl-friend or wife by my side, ever. :O :( But the tragic irony is that NONE of them really offers any interest towards me or even WANTS to have me around. At least I conclude this from their more than restrained reactions. Perhaps it´s because they assume & imply that I would be a Macho-man, who had LOTS & LOADS of girl-friends yet. That makes me infinitely sad. :( Women say about themselves, they want to be “CONQUERED” ; … I´m afraid I am a pacifist, not a conqueror. :O)

If this text touches your soul, then you’ve already helped me to some extent, as far as you tell me SO, too. :) Please dare to break the silence that is almost audible in the room. Since August 2011 I have now even embraced the first pretty young women (… which of course have all had someone as a boy-friend, as they revealed to me ).

But there´s a LOT more possible I´m sure ! :) And I want to have one or two own children! =D (Especially a daughter, something young & female for once in my life)

I wait, (-but not for the sake of waiting-) on your request or offer ! :D

Hopefully see you soon ! Dare, please !!! :) (I still did not get TOO close to any woman yet ! ;-)

I have the love-experience of a 12 - or 13-year old Teenager. :O I know of no kiss, no fondling, no long-term cuddling, caressing …not even an amorous look in each other´s eye. :(

I sure cannot do EVERYTHING ALL ALONE, right ??! ;-)

GERHARD

https://www.studiblog.net/2014/06/04/why-women-dont-like-nice-guys/

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(2.): REMNANTS FROM THE PAST & SELF-FULFILLED DIAGNOSISES:

Thanks to the fear, anxiety and mistrust of you ladies I had been alone all my life. :-(

And instead you´d tell me what bothers you so much about me (and what I could possibly change) you only tell me: “I do not believe, that you have NEVER had a girl-friend ! I guess you´re joking ! ” :-O Or, YOU ask ME: “WHAT was the CAUSE for the constant failure ?” even though I hoped to get this issue finally resolved by YOU. :-(

And everything began THIS way:

CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL of KEMPTEN (Upper-Allgäu, Bavaria) 1975:

Parents just used to hand over their children to Strangers & leave them to the hospital, and doctors just used to send parents back home. It was common practice in "children´s hospitals" at that time. Beds for the relatives of the children weren´t even THERE.

Twice (at age 8 months & age 1 year and 1 month) I had emotional experiences of complete neglection of my needs for DAYS, accompanied by most careful “medi-cynical” care:

- “Lumbar puncture” ( removal/extraction of "liquor" from the interior of the spinal cord )

- “when bumping it, Child shows no compensatory movements, child simply drops to”

- “Tendons-Reflexes can not be assessed, because of intense crying”

- "Arms always held far to the side, when sitting and lying"

"permanent holding the arms spread aside NOT noticed (by the Parents)"

- X-rays, blood serum levels, EEG, ECG, antibiotics, …

- Etc. …

+ BUT: no love, no peaceful proximity, closeness, nest-warmth, basic-trust or being accepted :-(

Moreover, my “other-directed” mother stopped to breastfeed me after 4 weeks , on the advice of the violent “child experts”. This would be indeed "obsolete" & “from the Past”, they said …. “empirically superior”. : O

She has expressed the suggestion towards me that I was probably strapped or "fixed" for the sake of extracting liquid from my spinal cord. :-S :-O :-(

My mother said that she had noticed I had changed a lot after she had brought me back home from the Children’s Hospital. I had become a cry-baby, if only she wanted to touch me or just turn on the back.

I have an image in mind:

Could some hopelessly overworked nurse no longer bear my screaming for my parents , and started to choke, shake and jolt me out of helplessness and UNawareness for needs ? :O

UNTILL TODAY I feel strange sensations of narrowness, tightness and crampedness in my throat, and a racing pulse in my throat. Sometimes even spinning-sensations and dizziness !

I can only imagine that I have experienced my life depending completely to the weal and woe of a young woman, which had not responded empathically to my desperate cries, but with almost lethal VIOLENCE instead. That would explain WHY I confronted pretty young women all my life, as though I would beg them to let me live. Women write to me, I seem to be “cramped” to them, so they feel overwhelmed, overburdened & overtaxed.

For the following empathic words of a nice lady (after a “seemingly fruitless” Rendez-vous) I am really very grateful:

“You know, maybe you’re searching too desperate. I believe you, that you want to know love for once. But the more you try something desperately, the less it works.

It can also scare off , if a woman reads that you haven´t had any experience, that you have never had a girl-friend, but you really want it desperately. Thus, the woman is under pressure.

You are very open and honest, but maybe you should not divulge & reveal so much from you IN THE FIRST PLACE ?!

For a proper acquaintance one needs time, patience; and perhaps you expect too much at once? You are certainly very desperate when it comes to love. But you also really leave that impression, one can notice so. “

YES ! This creates mutual fears of expectations, I’m sure. And love sure cannot be “forced”.

I am now trying to learn to trust and use the trust into the knowledge, that GENERALLY any woman can love ME at any time !

Then I am hopeful that I send out less signals of aloofness…and can get back more signals of proximity. It ALL depends on reciprocity. 0:-)

March, 4. / 5. of 2012: NEVER AGAIN “UNtouched”:

My first night of love:

I have now, after 37 1/2 years of complete loneliness, made love with a young woman for the very first time. How joyful & loving ! ^_^ ...but also exhausting, overwhelming & overtaxing !!! :-o -_- PHEW !!!

Previously, before THIS date, NOT even ONE GIRL had shown “mercy” to me.

A stigma was taken away from me. :-) … But a real relationship is, unfortunately, still written in the stars … (sigh).

SHE had said, that SHE had made HER "first experiences" with the other Gender at age 12 or 13 ! :-o ...and I did now at the age of 37  1/2 years. Two completely different worlds seem to have "collided" there... but honestly: Maybe it had been a FIRST REAL experience of true closeness & making love for the BOTH of us ?! ;-) 0:-D

And … to react to a hasty, tacit assumption :

No, I’m definitely NOT interested in other MEN ! :-(P I am disgusted by so called “gay” men, who (-I´m sure-) are just irritated about their real love-needs, and I have even once had a harmful, personally disappointing experience with a 50-year-old "gay" man, which I’m still embittered about today. :(( They can ignore me as much as they want, the ladies, but: NO woman had ever been acting SO disrespectingly towards ME, like THIS guy! I feel fear and disgust towards men who do not want to BE one. :O Please confirm to me credibly, that you REALIZE, RECOGNIZE & ACCEPT my needs as a MAN towards young, inviting, fertile, fresh FEMININITY ! O.K. ?

(Here in the Internet, I have, however, also occasionally received sex-addicted offers from women, too. BUT: Not a hundredth as many as YOU might think !!! :-P And Gerhard can already distinguish between real physical love and sex ! You don´t need to worry! To “get rid of women” NEVER had been a problem to me, by the way. :-) But to make contact with young, attractive women, on the other hand, really had been an aggravation, all the more. :-O :-( It scares me when I hear that women RATHER assume, that I was a gay “Homo-Lullu”, than that they would be willing to offer me a chance to get to know them. : (

YOUNG women make it as hard for me as probably possible, I’m afraid. :-(

Since 1995, young ladies DO NOT TALK TO ME ANYMORE out there in reality. :O (And they even were at a loss for words towards me, BEFORE this.) They behave & act digital-media-addicted and autistic. They talk only with their ears and hear the voices of people who are not there. :-O But I am no longer heard by them. :(

Also, I am aware of irritating evidence of contradictory, UNconscious ways of thinking & feeling, if I get messages here in the Internet:

JUDGEMENTS ONLY SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THESE PEOPLE, WHO ARE JUDGING:

For young women, I “am”:

-Too honest and too dishonest

-Too open & too sealed

-too directly & too restraint

-Too alternatively & too conservative

-Too homophobic & too gay-suspicious

-Too attractive & too unattractive

-Too eloquently & too quiet

-Too serious & too cheerful and silly

-Too shy & too briskly

-Too impetuous & too LITTLE Macho

-Too long & too short

-Too picky & too less picky

- Too JUDGED & too few judged

I’m afraid, I do not know, how I ever could even begin to correspond to this convoluted and contradictory claims . :-S

Women probably do NOT know at all what they really want. Can that be true ?:-S

AND …: Women always wish me “Good Luck & Much Success !” …and pass me over to the next, next on,… Lady :-(

I can not stand to hear this anymore ! I´m fed up ! :( Sigh

DARE to approach at least for ONCE !!! What’s wrong with you, Ladies ? :-O

And with the words “I like the way you write!” women make “unmistakably” clear that THIS was the last message from them that I´ll get to read.

And yet another inexplicable Phenomena:

Whenever I actually had a good start with talking to young ladies out in the real world (especially with serene, small, natural, blonde “bundles of joy” :-D), then these ladies soon …had departed to Cologne. :O

For whatever reason just always to THIS place. :-S I wonder now, what they would do, if I moved to Cologne myself. :-S Hmmm ???

I was often told, it wasn´t because of my physical appearance, if women turn away from me so much. But gradually I have SERIOUS doubts about this theory. My appearance seems to deter enormous. : O-BUH! I sure AM the safest “contraceptive” that exists.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wyct_8OL1Zg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSyOb8nKR20

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9N1i9NPGrVA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCkGwz-mrYc

https://www.studiblog.net/2014/06/04/why-women-dont-like-nice-guys/

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(3.): LOVE AT LAST LOOK ? & merely “FLEEING ACQUAINTANCES”  :-S

A request:

I feel sad, lonely, desperate, helpless, frustrated, disappointed and totally confused, …even more I ‘m scared if I’m aware of the efforts with which I try, to get female attention of young ladies… but get NOTHING but rejections. :-O :-(

I need feedback, confirmation and encouragement when I turn to young women (who I would like possibly), that it’s O.K. for you when I try to meet you closer.

Otherwise, I do not know how I EVER can satisfy my need for female proximity and closeness … or even just once can meet nice girls for companionship. :-(

Please tell me just ONCE in my lonely life that you like to have my presence and offer to me the chance to make a closer “sniffing” possible …. and how you do feel when you’re reading THIS … O.K. ?

Instead of always assuming hastily, that I´d EVER HAD a girl-friend already. :-O

EUREKA ! I think I got it! :)

Maybe I have found the essential explanation NOW why my efforts towards women, which I liked, had NEVER been rewarded by the hoped-for success:

Ironically, I, who do NOT fulfill or meet one of the popular men’s clichés *, have had (-a lifetime long-) only trust to the “love at first sight”-recipe ??? tz-tz-tz-tz-tz !?

What did I expect to get (except skepticism, confusion, helplessness and uncertainty), if I offer to all young immature ladies, EVERYTHING but what they are USED to receive from men … what they know … and consequently expect ? :-S

Sure, that too fast, hasty & commentless retreat & withdrawal from me (-which I know just too well of young ladies-) , maybe had been a (misread) sign to me, to believe that only in the very first few seconds / minutes of a new meeting a success would be possible. :-S But if I encounter women with EXACTLY THAT attitude & belief , they will be able to feel my impatience, tenseness and anticipatory anxiety. And feelings always come in mirror image: The women then feel that way, too. The danger is unfortunately large that they do not understand to express those emotions … and rather flee instead. :-O

And they HAVE withdrawn from me, a lonely 37-year-old life long. : (

Therefore, I find it so enormously difficult to imagine that even AFTER getting a rejection of a lady who I like, maybe there´s still basically the possibility of a “reconciliation, understanding and forgiveness”. :-S I just had NEVER experienced something different than pretty young ladies turning away from me … without a single word …or even complaining at me. : ( And then LEAVING me, just to be NEVER seen again ! :-X

I’ ve consciously decided to learn patience, confidence and trust in long-term success (with sufficient lead time to “sniff” at each other). Expectations have influence on the result. In longer term, there are plenty of options to re-encounter, as long as one (1.) believes in this… and (2.) tries it in a relaxed manner. :-)

And THEN there will also be a chance of getting to know each other nearer ; at least it´s not completely excluded ;-) ? Right ? ^_^

… Perhaps even love at LATER view?

Then there still remain the KNOWN, other difficulties:

- My shyness and uncertainty caused by the enormous experiences of rejection & failure in young women

- My inexperience with everything "young feminine", because I grew up WITHOUT sister, no girl-friend or wife … and consequently had no daughter, either.

- The wordless fear of women, THAT I was a ruthless macho-man … AND their equally big fear that I was NOT a macho-man.

- The digital media-addicted autism of young ladies today. They do not even notice me when I speak DIRECTLY to them. : (

(I do not even hear: “Heeey, You’re disturbing my wireless reception/connection !” from them.)

- My most fervent desire for DIRECT communication (WITHOUT media-dependency)

- My honesty, openness and questioning mindful view of life

- The painful tragedy that most women (and men) confuse the physical love, the “making love” with sex … and sex with a natural need … and I have quit to do this ,ever since I awoke from my abstinence-addiction.

- OTHER very common misunderstandings about “what love is all about”…like addiction to romance ….or addiction to relationship (either to as MANY ones as possible….or to “the ONLY One” :-O )

- The “-Self-fulfilling-Prohecy”, if I write publicly, no woman would want me

- The lack of economic appreciation for my work.

- my humble life-claims in OTHER affairs, too

* (Macho-Man, womanizer, mama’s boy, swot, intellectual, full failure, “dynamic maker”, etc …)

And: EUREKA! No. 2:

I had another insight:

Since the moment of my procreation I miss a “life-affirming impulse”, a life-and-loving impulse, a “divine spark” …. All my past life, I never had felt “wanted” … just “tolerated” best. : (

But this deficit I can only fill up with the beloved, lacked Things myself. And exactly THIS also explains my error, and my deterrent effect on women:

I have encontered the women who interested me, always in a such a manner that they could perceive my begging. I tried to PERSUADE the ladies to love MYSELF INSTEAD of ME loving myself. : O But actually NO woman in the world is ABLE to do this, and because of this unspoken fear , to be overburdened & overtaxed with such a task, they always drew back from me intuitively. : (

I now can fully understand this. ONLY I myself can learn to accept MYSELF FOR MYSELF…. to be THEN capable of love for someone else. :)

So, I try to accept me now as the “wanted/willed-by-myself.” :) Only if I can cope alone with me -WITHOUT a woman-, then I am ready for a love-relationship WITH a woman. :)

Anyhow, 1 Question still remains absolutely UNanswered:

If the YOUNG women really claim so much, that being CASUAL, RELAXED, OPEN MINDED, OPEN-ENDED, UNselfconscious , UNbiased & NOT binding would be so essential for dating, then I ask myself, WHY the heck these young Ladies & Girls always treated me with such ARTIFICIAL (negative) IMPORTANCE all my Life long, as to EXclude & ignore me so extremely, that one almost could SMELL the Tension !?!? Why do you GIVE such a big , "women-created" Significance to me , by treating me so exceptional & by creating an absolutely artificial Weighting of my Person & my Actions, if you´re really supposedly so much into Easiness, Relaxation, Looseness, Indifference, Non-Commitment & Open-Endedness ???

That´s a fundamental CONTRADICTION for me !!! WHAT do you actually WANT ???

Please CHOOSE & DECIDE finally !!! OK ?

And secondly:

Why is it, that your cold Ignorance, your silent Arrogance, your scary Silence & your emotional Coldness towards Me is so darn EASY for you ?

HOW do you manage so effortlessly to create & hold all this Tension so EASILY , WITHOUT being exposed to any kind of Consequence as a "Mirror-Image", or without receiving any Form of Resonance at all ???

How is is even POSSIBLE, that all your Crampedness & Tenseness towards me stays so FREE of any DISadvantages for YOU ???

Honestly: You´re CREEPY to me ! :-O

https://www.studiblog.net/2014/06/04/why-women-dont-like-nice-guys/

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(4.): WASTED MANLY FRESHNESS:

I am afraid of withering, before I have flourished ever !

"O.K.", you young Ladies & Girls of Middle-Europe:

Now you have ALMOST managed to DO it: If you just let some MORE YEARS of my manly Youth & Freshness go by UNused ... let them slip through my Fingers in vain, ...waste them & ignore them to Death... then I will become finally THAT much withered, that from then on, you can claim a new & very useful Excuse for excluding me & ostracizing me further on: And that IS, that I finally... FINALLY will have become "TOO OLD" for You !!! :-( After apparently having been "TOO YOUNG" for you finicky & picky Ladies all my Life BEFORE !?!? :-/ SIGH :-(

CONGRATULATIONS !!! For such a senseless, nonsensical, UNsatisfactory & self-fulfilling Accomplishment !

Already NOW I have a presentiment of  HOW enormously BIG the Sadness & the Fear will be, which I´ll feel, as soon as I in fact will have grown SO OLD, that young & still-fertile Femininity up  to Age 40, will turn their back on me , for reasons of "faded, vanished manly Vitality & Freshness" ...after they have let my Attractiveness & Energy slip away in vain & UNused !

How shall I ever MOURN enough for this UNbelieveable, INcredible,...because so UNnecessary & so AVOIDABLE Misery of a completely "overlooked" & bypassed Life of a Man ?!?!

How shall I ever overcome that "Primary Shock" , which I was exposed to very early in Life ( in 1975 , by a young overworked Nurse, who almost STRANGLED me to Death) & ever overcome this (seemingly) INsurmountable deep Ravine, between ME & female Youth/young Femininity, when from now on there´s also the Difference in Age between ME & unused, fresh & fertile Femininity ???

What Perspective & Chance will be left to me, to ever catch UP on all that, which the Girls & Ladies already always had REJECTED to me & have DEPRIVED me of, when I still was young & fresh myself ???

I am afraid, that FEMALE Youth will become only MORE aloof, repellent, unapproachable to me, & thus even MORE scary to me , that way.

And: As this always is a mutual thing..., but the Girls & Women never ever become AWARE (enough) of their own Fears, Insecurity & Confusion, they therefore rather keep their Distance towards me, by judging me & labelling me as being "strange" , "weird" or "suspiciously crazy". :-/

This way, young women & Girls not only distract (themselves) from their own Fears, Insecurity & Confusion, NO, they also add some "artificial Significance" to ME (-without noticing so, of course-), which I definitely do NOT necessarily "need" to have, nor do I WANT to have it !

From the very beginning, I miss also a "consequential Resonance" & a "resonant Consequence" in all the Actions, Activity & Behaviour of female Youth ! WHERE on Earth had ever been the Correlation & the mutual Mirror-Images of the Behaviour, the Feelings & the Needs of young Femininity, compared to MINE ???

WHERE had been any Evidence of THEIR Longings & Wishing & Wanting (towards ME) ???

Why did the Girls & young women always make it AS EASY AS POSSIBLE for me all my Life, to "avoid" THEM (the other way round) in my former Addiction-to-Abstinence ???

Why had this been so darn EASY ...without experiencing ANY Resonance , either for THEM or for ME ???

I do NOT understand that at all !!! This is a Division by Zero !!! Here, the natural Laws known to me, face an arbitrary Exception of NO rational Definition or Explanation !!!

:-/

Soon, I´ll maybe end up like THIS Man here, who stayed young... because he stayed Single !:

among "HE searches HER":

GIRLS, WHAT DO YOU WANT ???

A nice Guy, with Humour, good-natured & a loyal Soul. Someone who will listen to You, understand You ...and who´s ready for any .. well, almost any Deed ! And also is handsome. Then finally open Your Eyes !!

My best Friend is such a Guy, but unfortunately, he´s too shy to talk to You Ladies. With Age 42, he´s probaly just in the right Age for You... so please write to him via E-Mail-Adress....

I am afraid of withering, before I have ever flourished !

From mw OWN personal Life-Experience, I could not even TELL nor KNOW, that Women actually DO have interest in the male Gender at all, ... if there hadn´t been the OLD, withered, worn-off, MARRIED Women , with (almost) grown-up Children !!!

As much as YOUNG Women & Girls have only avoided, ignored, shunned, spurned & "overlooked" me arrogantly all my Youth & my young Adulthood long, the OLD Ladies have been all the more obtrusive, importunate & troublesome towards ME , ever since I was a little Child !!!

From the Days of my Childhood, I was surrounded by nothing but "Aunties" , "Mommies" & "Grannies" !! :-( UGH !

All this almost crossed the line to "Child-Abuse" ! An older Man once used the Word "Prostitution", referring to this Situation.

If only 1 single young Women or Girl only ONCE had pressed so hard on me, adored me , swarmed (a)round me, only 1/thousandth as much, as those Armies of OLD Ladies always have done incessantly since my Childhood, .... if I therefore only ONCE had experienced a Fraction of this exuberant, foaming-over  Interest & swollen, bloated Attention of the OLD, barren Femininity, ... by the YOUNG, FRESH, FERTILE & UNused Femininity for a Change, ... then I would be MARRIED now for many Years already ...and I would be the Father of 10 Children !

But instead of that, I have to now fight & fend off the unrelenting Storm & Attack of the encroaching, possessive, seizuring , occupying, possession-taking, "militantly-nice", troublesome, obtrusive, importunate, pushy, withered, used-up, worn-off, expired, faded, weather-worn, married, widowed, UNattractive, sterile, barren ... but horrible, awful, FORMER Femininity, for the Rest of my Life !!!

"Gery" is NOT the Abreviation of "Geriatrics", OK ??!!!!!

Definition of the Term "Menopause":

= The Age, from which on the Women all of a sudden "PAUSE" their hitherto existing, previous emotional Indifference & their Arrogance towards me ... for the Rest of their Lives.

I am afraid of withering, before I ever have flourished yet !

Why do only YOUNG Women & Girls NOT like "Nice-Guys" ? Whereas the OLD Women are even ADDICTED to those ?

The old Geezer-Ladies can even HATE me to the Core....but they never ever callously IGNORE me, like the Girls do ! :-( SIGH

--------

But it´s ME, actually, who is in an acute Hurry: My Time is running out, my "biological Clock" is ticking ! How shall I be able to get in Contact with YOUNG, FERTIL Femininity right in Time, ...when I have grown OLD myself, and have become worn-off & exhausted ???

And, what´s worst: I also won´t ever be able to be the Grandpa of my own Grand-Daughter, that way ! :-O

And when I´ll finally once have become an old Geezer of 99 Years myself:

NO OLD Lady will ever step TOO CLOSE up to me again !!!

Either I can finally manage to CATCH UP on my UNmet Needs for Contact with FEMALE YOUTH ...& HEAL UP this open Wound... or I´ll just stay Single untill the very last Day of my Life !!!

I am afraid of withering, before I ever got to flourish yet, in the first place !!!

https://www.studiblog.net/2014/06/04/why-women-dont-like-nice-guys/

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https://www.facebook.com/gerhard.martin

https://plus.google.com/+GerhardMartin-74

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBVRJNfbwczTPTR0V_lThCw

https://www.youtube.com/GerhardMartin-74

http://gerhardmartin.blogspot.de/

https://www.gerhard-martin.jimdo.com

http://gerhard-martin.tumblr.com/

https://gerhard-martin.jimdo.com/

http://de.gravatar.com/gerhardmartin

https://www.flickr.com/people/gerhard-martin/

http://www.spin.de/hp/Gerhard-Martin/  

http://www.spin.de/hp/Martin-Gerhard/  

https://www.joindiaspora.com/people/67853d0f2a3acfb9

https://myspace.com/gerhard-martin

https://www.reverbnation.com/musician/gerremartin

https://myspace.com/gerhard.martin

https://soundcloud.com/gerhard-martin

https://soundcloud.com/gerhardmartin

https://www.metal-archives.com/artists/Gerhard_Martin/679837

https://www.twitter.com/Gerhard_Martin_

https://twitter.com/GerhardMartin74

https://about.me/gerhard-martin

http://pinterest.com/gerhardmartin/

http://www.care2.com/c2c/people/profile.html?pid=492369955

https://informedplanet.org/-GerhardMartin

https://www.linkagoal.com/Gerhard_Martin

https://gerhard-martin.livejournal.com/profile

https://www.minds.com/Gerhard_Martin

http://forums.nexopia.com/users/gerhard-martin.5178870/

http://de.termwiki.com/User/Gerhard-Martin

http://gerhard-martin.skyrock.com/

http://gerhard-martin.skyrock.com/profil/

https://listography.com/gerhard_martin  

https://www.linkedin.com/in/gerhard-martin-600385150/

https://www.xing.com/profile/Gerhard_Martin14

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History and Purpose of Wahnmache/ MahnWache: ————————————————————————

Founded around 1991 by Gerhard Martin (Guitar & Keyboard & Drums) & Daniel Robert Oelbauer (Drums & Violin) as „TOLLHAUS“ (T.od O.hne L.angfristig L.ebenswerte H.offnung A.ll U.nseres S.eins ), while studying in the Gymnasium Sonthofen. Our first and only public Concert (Winter 1994) took place WITHOUT us, since we were NOT informed about it right in time. As NOBODY could be found for playing the bass, the „Band“ never grew to bigger extent than 3 men (additional Guitar-Player Andreas Reck joined in late 1993). And 1994 had been the year of the tacit disbandment, too. The project just diverged without comment. Some „easy & silly listening“-Folk-Rock-Band took the name TOLLHAUS for their Band…and I named my solo-project „WahnMache / MahnWache“ as an equivocation to the German word for a „political or admonishing vigil“ and the „making of madness“. It now is a solo-project, but it does not necessarily NEED to stay one, right ? ;-) Please help to develop these recordings into full wholesome songs with any instrument that would help to complement the expression of it. Strongly demanded would be Drums and Bass …but any other instrument is wellcome, too, as far as it can be useful to transport the emotional message of this music MORE, or in a new and interesting way. Please, let me know, WHAT your interpretation and supplement of my music will sound like. OK ?

Gerhard „Gerre“ Martin

Listen to my own Music-Compositions, please: d*-*b

It´s really expressive instru-metal Music , containing many influences, from "BACH to KRACH".

https://www.myspace.com/gerhard-martin

https://www.myspace.com/gerhard.martin

https://www.myspace.com/wahnmache-mahnwache

https://www.myspace.com/mahnwache-wahnmache

https://www.myspace.com/wahnmache.mahnwache

https://www.myspace.com/mahnwache.wahnmache

https://www.myspace.com/wahnmachemahnwache

https://www.myspace.com/mahnwachewahnmache

https://www.myspace.com/frank-dube.wahnmache

https://soundcloud.com/frankdubes-musics/sets/mahnwache-wahnmache

http://www.soundcloud.com/wahnmache-mahnwache/albums

http://www.soundcloud.com/mahnwache-wahnmache/albums

http://www.soundcloud.com/wahnmachemahnwache/albums

http://www.soundcloud.com/mahnwachewahnmache/albums

http://www.soundcloud.com/wahnmache/albums

http://www.soundcloud.com/mahnwache/albums

http://www.soundcloud.com/gerhard-martin/albums

https://soundcloud.com/gerhardmartin/albums

http://www.reverbnation.com/wahnmachemahnwache

https://www.reverbnation.com/musician/gerremartin

https://www.orfium.com/profile/wahnmache-mahnwache/

https://www.orfium.com/profile/mahnwache-wahnmache/

https://www.orfium.com/profile/wahnmache.mahnwache/

https://www.orfium.com/profile/mahnwache.wahnmache/

https://www.orfium.com/profile/wahnmachemahnwache/

https://www.orfium.com/profile/mahnwachewahnmache/

https://www.twine.fm/WahnmacheMahnwache

https://www.twine.fm/MahnwacheWahnmache

https://www.twine.fm/WahnMache

https://www.twine.fm/MahnWache

https://www.hypedsound.com/wahnmache-mahnwache

https://www.hypedsound.com/mahnwache-wahnmache

https://www.hypedsound.com/wahnmachemahnwache

https://www.hypedsound.com/mahnwachewahnmache

https://www.indabamusic.com/people/wahnmache_mahnwache

https://www.indabamusic.com/people/mahnwache_wahnmache

https://www.indabamusic.com/people/wahnmachemahnwache

https://www.indabamusic.com/people/mahnwachewahnmache

https://www.indabamusic.com/people/wahnmache

https://www.indabamusic.com/people/mahnwache

https://www.indabamusic.com/people/gerhard_martin

http://wahnmachemahnwache.bandcamp.com/

https://elcheaporecordz.bandcamp.com/album/mahnwache-wahnmache

https://www.hype.co/wahnmache-mahnwache

https://www.hype.co/mahnwache-wahnmache

https://www.hype.co/wahnmachemahnwache

https://www.hype.co/mahnwachewahnmache

https://plus.google.com/104633444816610301516

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzpFdHXSBrYNBtpRm6vNYVg

https://www.facebook.com/wahnmache.mahnwache

https://play.spotify.com/user/wahnmache-mahnwache

https://wahnmache-mahnwache.jimdo.com/

https://mahnwache-wahnmache.jimdo.com/

https://wahnmache-mahnwache.tumblr.com/

https://wahnmachemahnwache.tumblr.com/

https://mahnwache-wahnmache.tumblr.com

https://mahnwachewahnmache.tumblr.com

http://www.last.fm/de/user/WahnMache

http://www.last.fm/de/user/Gerhard-Martin

http://www.metal-archives.com/bands/WahnMache_-_MahnWache/3540416849

http://www.metal-archives.com/artists/Gerhard_Martin/679837

http://static.metal-archives.com/~metalarc/board/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=116026&start=80

>>

This one is very awesome, since the band is called "WahnMache / MahnWache"

<< >>

Wow ! Love this one. Their music isn't too bad, either.

<<

http://www.bandnamen.de/w.htm

13 Wahnmache/Mahnwache-Music-Videos:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqwPjRzTey7XU4mYpLRSyVcUTakF-iGFe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ryb_x4to0OE&list=PLqwPjRzTey7XU4mYpLRSyVcUTakF-iGFe&index=1

Download ALL Wahnmache/Mahnwache-Songs (mp3) HERE !!!:

SÄMTLICHE Wahnmache/Mahnwache-Stücke (mp3) hier zum Herunterladen !!!:

Télécharger TOUTES les Chansons de Wahnmache-Mahnwache (mp3) ICI !!!:

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/bnz7h83mttvthis/AAA2HdfmtKO9-k5shZuMRU-ga?oref=e

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

My (hopefully OVERlooked) "Music-Parody-Project":

>>Neg.(ativ)-Narz.(ißmus)<<:

https://myspace.com/negativer-narzissmus   https://myspace.com/negativer.narzissmus

https://myspace.com/negativ-narzissmus

https://myspace.com/negativ.narzissmus

https://www.reverbnation.com/negativernarzissmus   https://soundcloud.com/negativer-narzissmus/albums

https://soundcloud.com/negativernarzissmus/albums

https://www.twine.fm/negativernarzissmus http://www.reverbnation.com/musician/burtcocaine https://www.orfium.com/profile/negativer-narzissmus/ https://www.orfium.com/profile/negativer.narzissmus/

https://www.orfium.com/profile/negativ-narzissmus/

https://www.orfium.com/profile/negativ.narzissmus/  

https://www.indabamusic.com/people/negativer_narzissmus  

https://www.indabamusic.com/people/negativ_narzissmus   https://www.hype.co/negativer-narzissmus https://www.hypedsound.com/negativer-narzissmus

Download the FULL Album "zu allem Überfluß" as a ZIP-file with mp3-Songs:

Das vollständige Album "zu allem Überfluß" als ZIP-Datei mit mp3-Liedern:

Télécharger TOUTES les Chansons (mp3) de l ´Album "zu allem Überfluß" ici:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/894rrtqdpgi4o6n/ZORN%20%E2%80%93%20Zu%20allem%20%C3%9Cberfluss.zip?oref=e

https://www.dropbox.com/s/894rrtqdpgi4o6n/ZORN%20%E2%80%93%20Zu%20allem%20%C3%9Cberfluss.zip?oref=e#sthash.aAJfIaFq.dpuf

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I am a MOVIE-STAR now !!! B-)

And even with "half-NUDE-scenes" !!! 8-o ;-) :-P :"> =D Mmmmmh ! ^__^WHEEEEHHH !!!

From Minute 0:35 on, can be seen ! 8-D WOW !

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iU9TUB_KsH8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECdxwD2KcWU

The COMPLETE documentary-film (40 min) for Download:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/hib6jlsj8e7ne44/20140910-2015.m.mp4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xBGxTJKNQc

And finally, I had been engaged in THIS Cinema-Movie B-) as the MAIN supernumerary star:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ke6MaplcKdY

The Scene where I appear was filmed in Oberstdorf, Bavaria at the Schattenberg-Ski-Jump-Ramp ! It´s some mixture of Entertainment & Documentary about the short-sighted British Ski-Jumper Michael "Eddie" Edwards !

Voilà ! ^__^ Enjoy !!!

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My life had been totally DEVOID of “female youth” from the very beginning: I have had NO sister, NO girl-friend, NO fiancée, NO wife, NO daughter EVER ! :((( All my Life, I only have been applying myself totally IN VAIN for experiencing some YOUNG Femininity ! :-O :'(

Thanks to the fear, mistrust and shyness of you Ladies I have nothing but been alone all my life. :-(

And instead of explaining to me, what disturbes you talking to me, looking at me (and what I could possibly change), you just say: “I don´t believe, you never had a girl-friend. I think you´re joking!” :-O Or you just ask ME: “What has been the reason for the failure ?”, allthough I hoped to learn THAT from YOU. :-(

In meinem einsamen Leben hat das “Junge, Weibliche” immerzu nur gefehlt, schon von Anfang an: Ich hatte keine Schwester, keine Freundin, keine Verlobte, keine Frau, keine Tochter !!! :((( Ich habe mich mein GESAMTES Leben lang immer nur VERGEBLICH um etwas "WEIBLICHE JUGEND" bemüht gehabt ! :-O :'(

Dank dem Mißtrauen, der Scheu und Angst von Euch Damen war ich mein ganzes Leben lang nur allein. :-(

Und statt mir zu erklären, was Euch so sehr an mir stört (und ich ggf. daran ändern könnte), sagt Ihr mir nur: “Das glaube ich Dir nicht, daß Du noch NIE ne Freundin hattest. Ich vermute, Du veralberst mich!”:-O

Oder ihr fragt mich: “WORAN scheiterte es denn immer ?”, obwohl ICH doch diese Frage endlich von EUCH geklärt zu bekommen hoffte. :-(

Dans ma Vie, la jeune Fémininité n´a que MANQUÉE seulement ! :-O :-X

Je n´ai eu une soeur, une amie, une coupine, une fiancée, une femme, une épuse, ou une propre fille de moi-même jamais !!! :((( J´ai essayé à trouver un peu de la Jeunesse féminie totallement EN VAINE. :-O :'(

Grâce à la peur et défiance de vous femmes je n´ai été que seul toute ma vie. :-(

Et au lieu de m´expliquer ce que vous gênes de parler avec moi et regarder moi (, et me dire ce que je peux changer peut-être), vous me disez: »Je ne croix pas, que tu n´ais eu d´amie jamais ! Je pense, que tu raconte des bobards!« Ou vous demandez MOI : » C´était à cause de QUOI ?«, bien que MOI, JE veux apprendre ça de VOUS.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[the-unimpressive-man]

My (seemingly) "UNbeliveable" Life-Story:

(a "SOLO-carreer" )

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My life had been totally DEVOID of "female youth" from the very beginning: I have had NO sister, NO girl-friend, NO fiancée, NO wife, NO daughter EVER ! :((( All my Life up to now I had been trying IN VAIN to get to know & to get in close proximity & finally into a relationship with a YOUNG Lady or Girl. :´-(

I was NOT allowed to be the Brother of a Sister, the Boy-Friend of a Girl-Friend, the Fiance of a Fiancee, the Husband of a Wife, nor the Father of an own Daughter.

Thanks to the fear, mistrust and shyness of you Ladies I have nothing but been alone all my life. :-(

And instead of explaining to me, what disturbes you talking to me & looking at me (and what I could possibly change),  you just say: “I don´t believe, you never had a girl-friend. I think you´re joking!” :-O Or you just ask ME: "What has been the reason for the failure ?", allthough I hoped to learn THAT from YOU. :-(

I have several UNmet needs & lacks of needs concerning the YOUNG Femininity to yet satisfy:

For brotherly/sisterly Love, for Love in Life-Partnership & Relationship & for fatherly/daughterly Love.

In meinem einsamen Leben hat das "Junge, Weibliche" immerzu nur gefehlt, schon von Anfang an: Ich hatte keine Schwester, keine Freundin, keine Frau, keine Tochter !!! :(((

Ich durfte kein Bruder einer Schwester sein, kein Freund einer Freundin, kein Verlobter einer Verlobten & kein Vater einer Tochter.

Dank dem Mißtrauen & der Scheu und Angst von Euch Damen war ich mein ganzes Leben lang nur allein. :-(

Und statt mir zu erklären, was Euch so sehr an mir stört (und ich ggf. daran ändern könnte), sagt Ihr mir nur: “Das glaube ich Dir nicht, daß Du noch NIE ne Freundin hattest. Ich vermute, Du veralberst mich!” :-O

Oder ihr fragt mich: "WORAN scheiterte es denn immer ?", obwohl ICH doch diese Frage endlich von EUCH geklärt zu bekommen hoffte. :-(

Daher habe ich MEHRERE UNerfüllte Bedürfnisse & Bedürfnis-Mängel gegenüber JUNGER Weiblichkeit auszugleichen:

Nach geschwisterlich-schwesterlicher Liebe, nach lebenspartnerschaftlicher Liebe & Beziehungserfahrung & nach väterlich-töchterlicher  Liebe.

Dans ma vie solitaire, il n´y a eu de la Jeunesse féminine ou de la jeune Fémininité jamais ! Je n´ai eu une sœur, une amie, une coupine, une fiancée, une femme, une épouse ou une propre fille de moi-même jamais !!! :(((

Grâce à la peur et défiance de vous femmes je n´ai été que seul toute ma vie. :-(

Et au lieu de m´expliquer ce que vous gênes de parler avec moi et regarder moi (, et me dire ce que je peux changer peut-être), vous me disez: >>Je ne croix pas, que tu n´ais eu d´amie jamais ! Je pense, que tu raconte des bobards !<<

Ou vous demandez moi: >>C´était à cause de QUOI ?<< , bien que MOI, je veux apprendre ca de VOUS ! :O

Je n'ai pas été autorisé à être le frère d'une soeur, le garçon-ami d'une amie-fille, le fiancé d'une fiancée, le mari d'une femme, ni le père d'une propre fille.

What can I do ????? …. :-S

Que puis-je faire ????? ..... :-s

WAS kann ich tun ????? .... :-s

Ich hatte leider noch NIEMALS eine Freundin oder Frau. :-( Wer mag mir helfen, das zu ändern ? :-)

I never ever had a girl-friend or wife in my whole life. :-( Who wants to help me to change that ? :-)

Je n´ai eu d´amie ou femme jamais ! :-( Qui veut m´aider à changer ça ? :-)

Please send Post to the following adress (I am NOT here in the Internet truely ;-) !):

GERHARD MARTIN , the lonliest Man in the Universe

D-7900 Freiburg

Germany

(Elternanschrift / Adress at Parents / Adresse chez les Parents: D-87527 Sonthofen, Germany)

PLEASE WRITE ME LETTER-POST INSTEAD OF E-MAILS. I AM NOT really HERE in the internet ; I AM OUTSIDE IN THE REAL WORLD: :-D

Bitte schreibt mir Brief-Post, Leute ! Ich bin schließlich nicht "hier" im Indernetz, sondern DRAUSSEN in der Wirklichkeit. :-D

Écrivez-moi des lettres, pas d´e-mail, s´il vous plaît ! Je ne suis pas "ici" à l` internet; je suis dedans la réalitée. :-D

Raitim Leta long mi , plis. Mi no stap long "hia", long internet. Mi stap arasait, long laip tru . :-D

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(1.): CLAIM OF RESPONSIBILITY:

INexperiencedness, aloofness, shyness and "(in)voluntary" Celibacy

I am thoroughly fed up & through with ….

I am a lonely “Upper-Allgäuer”-Ian in exile” trying to escape from winter and loneliness. At the risk that no one believes me, but I am now already 37 years young and had unfortunately still NOT A SINGLE girl-friend or wife ever before. (That it is because of my physical appearance, I do not really believe, but for some unknown reason, pretty young women are always just passing by, just like I’m not there. Or are they just as UNcertain as I am ? :-S ). For 21 years I had imagined a completely one-sided relationship with a (former) classmate as being “my girl-fried”, and now I’m glad I finally woke up and finally would like so much to catch up. I want to learn & experience what it means to give true emotional and physical love and finally get it in return. I would like to let YOU help me in this. 0:-) Important to me is particularly unsparing honesty and openness, so addiction to romance, to relationship and to misunderstood physical love (Sex-rubbish) may get NO breeding ground, as well as “abstinence-from-love”-addictions.

https://www.publishersweekly.com/978-0-06-254860-3

https://www.harpercollins.com/9780062276032/escape-from-intimacy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otynMEeMStg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOYAPOk5rpY

To me it is all about the showing of vulnerability (need-based awareness, understanding & communication). I am afraid when I think back to the experienced lonely years. :O Many problems I’ve caused just myself (especially my own aloofness), but unfortunately, I am anything but an “expert on women” (although I would like to be, and always wanted to be); maybe that´s because I only grew up with two brothers. (I now also accept more and more the question of how much the women are “experts on women” THEMSELVES or not, or to what extent they may be “experts on men” …and how much I am an “expert on men” myself ???)

What I openly want to admit with this, is:

The behavior of women is simply a book of 7,777,777 seals for me, but I’ve learned that one usually THEN is sending out unintelligible  signals or double-messages when he / she is NOT really aware of what he / she even wants to express and to achieve. I myself will therefore say more consciously: I have great fear of rejection and discouragement by women, which I like, because I’ve NEVER experienced anything different before. :O I feel loneliness, sadness and helplessness for 37 years now, because if I get no response(s) of YOUNG women & Girls (except contempt and withdrawal) at all, then I do not know how I can fulfill my need for female solidarity and closeness. I am intimidated by discouragement and allegations very quickly, because I have truely a lot of respect for women, but maybe I do not dare to express that enough ? :-S What hurts me most of all, is when I read, that even veritable dream-girls write to me, that they do not really believe me that I’d never had a girl-friend or wife by my side, ever. :O :( But the tragic irony is that NONE of them really offers any interest towards me or even WANTS to have me around. At least I conclude this from their more than restrained reactions. Perhaps it´s because they assume & imply that I would be a Macho-man, who had LOTS & LOADS of girl-friends yet. That makes me infinitely sad. :( Women say about themselves, they want to be “CONQUERED” ; … I´m afraid I am a pacifist, not a conqueror. :O)

If this text touches your soul, then you’ve already helped me to some extent, as far as you tell me SO, too. :) Please dare to break the silence that is almost audible in the room. Since August 2011 I have now even embraced the first pretty young women (… which of course have all had someone as a boy-friend, as they revealed to me ).

But there´s a LOT more possible I´m sure ! :) And I want to have one or two own children! =D (Especially a daughter, something young & female for once in my life)

I wait, (-but not for the sake of waiting-) on your request or offer ! :D

Hopefully see you soon ! Dare, please !!! :) (I still did not get TOO close to any woman yet ! ;-)

I have the love-experience of a 12 - or 13-year old Teenager. :O I know of no kiss, no fondling, no long-term cuddling, caressing …not even an amorous look in each other´s eye. :(

I sure cannot do EVERYTHING ALL ALONE, right ??! ;-)

GERHARD

https://www.studiblog.net/2014/06/04/why-women-dont-like-nice-guys/

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(2.): REMNANTS FROM THE PAST & SELF-FULFILLED DIAGNOSISES:

Thanks to the fear, anxiety and mistrust of you ladies I had been alone all my life. :-(

And instead you´d tell me what bothers you so much about me (and what I could possibly change) you only tell me: “I do not believe, that you have NEVER had a girl-friend ! I guess you´re joking ! ” :-O Or, YOU ask ME: “WHAT was the CAUSE for the constant failure ?” even though I hoped to get this issue finally resolved by YOU. :-(

And everything began THIS way:

CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL of KEMPTEN (Upper-Allgäu, Bavaria) 1975:

Parents just used to hand over their children to Strangers & leave them to the hospital, and doctors just used to send parents back home. It was common practice in "children´s hospitals" at that time. Beds for the relatives of the children weren´t even THERE.

Twice (at age 8 months & age 1 year and 1 month) I had emotional experiences of complete neglection of my needs for DAYS, accompanied by most careful “medi-cynical” care:

- “Lumbar puncture” ( removal/extraction of "liquor" from the interior of the spinal cord )

- “when bumping it, Child shows no compensatory movements, child simply drops to”

- “Tendons-Reflexes can not be assessed, because of intense crying”

- "Arms always held far to the side, when sitting and lying"

"permanent holding the arms spread aside NOT noticed (by the Parents)"

- X-rays, blood serum levels, EEG, ECG, antibiotics, …

- Etc. …

+ BUT: no love, no peaceful proximity, closeness, nest-warmth, basic-trust or being accepted :-(

Moreover, my “other-directed” mother stopped to breastfeed me after 4 weeks , on the advice of the violent “child experts”. This would be indeed "obsolete" & “from the Past”, they said …. “empirically superior”. : O

She has expressed the suggestion towards me that I was probably strapped or "fixed" for the sake of extracting liquid from my spinal cord. :-S :-O :-(

My mother said that she had noticed I had changed a lot after she had brought me back home from the Children’s Hospital. I had become a cry-baby, if only she wanted to touch me or just turn on the back.

I have an image in mind:

Could some hopelessly overworked nurse no longer bear my screaming for my parents , and started to choke, shake and jolt me out of helplessness and UNawareness for needs ? :O

UNTILL TODAY I feel strange sensations of narrowness, tightness and crampedness in my throat, and a racing pulse in my throat. Sometimes even spinning-sensations and dizziness !

I can only imagine that I have experienced my life depending completely to the weal and woe of a young woman, which had not responded empathically to my desperate cries, but with almost lethal VIOLENCE instead. That would explain WHY I confronted pretty young women all my life, as though I would beg them to let me live. Women write to me, I seem to be “cramped” to them, so they feel overwhelmed, overburdened & overtaxed.

For the following empathic words of a nice lady (after a “seemingly fruitless” Rendez-vous) I am really very grateful:

“You know, maybe you’re searching too desperate. I believe you, that you want to know love for once. But the more you try something desperately, the less it works.

It can also scare off , if a woman reads that you haven´t had any experience, that you have never had a girl-friend, but you really want it desperately. Thus, the woman is under pressure.

You are very open and honest, but maybe you should not divulge & reveal so much from you IN THE FIRST PLACE ?!

For a proper acquaintance one needs time, patience; and perhaps you expect too much at once? You are certainly very desperate when it comes to love. But you also really leave that impression, one can notice so. “

YES ! This creates mutual fears of expectations, I’m sure. And love sure cannot be “forced”.

I am now trying to learn to trust and use the trust into the knowledge, that GENERALLY any woman can love ME at any time !

Then I am hopeful that I send out less signals of aloofness…and can get back more signals of proximity. It ALL depends on reciprocity. 0:-)

March, 4. / 5. of 2012: NEVER AGAIN “UNtouched”:

My first night of love:

I have now, after 37 1/2 years of complete loneliness, made love with a young woman for the very first time. How joyful & loving ! ^_^ ...but also exhausting, overwhelming & overtaxing !!! :-o -_- PHEW !!!

Previously, before THIS date, NOT even ONE GIRL had shown “mercy” to me.

A stigma was taken away from me. :-) … But a real relationship is, unfortunately, still written in the stars … (sigh).

SHE had said, that SHE had made HER "first experiences" with the other Gender at age 12 or 13 ! :-o ...and I did now at the age of 37  1/2 years. Two completely different worlds seem to have "collided" there... but honestly: Maybe it had been a FIRST REAL experience of true closeness & making love for the BOTH of us ?! ;-) 0:-D

And … to react to a hasty, tacit assumption :

No, I’m definitely NOT interested in other MEN ! :-(P I am disgusted by so called “gay” men, who (-I´m sure-) are just irritated about their real love-needs, and I have even once had a harmful, personally disappointing experience with a 50-year-old "gay" man, which I’m still embittered about today. :(( They can ignore me as much as they want, the ladies, but: NO woman had ever been acting SO disrespectingly towards ME, like THIS guy! I feel fear and disgust towards men who do not want to BE one. :O Please confirm to me credibly, that you REALIZE, RECOGNIZE & ACCEPT my needs as a MAN towards young, inviting, fertile, fresh FEMININITY ! O.K. ?

(Here in the Internet, I have, however, also occasionally received sex-addicted offers from women, too. BUT: Not a hundredth as many as YOU might think !!! :-P And Gerhard can already distinguish between real physical love and sex ! You don´t need to worry! To “get rid of women” NEVER had been a problem to me, by the way. :-) But to make contact with young, attractive women, on the other hand, really had been an aggravation, all the more. :-O :-( It scares me when I hear that women RATHER assume, that I was a gay “Homo-Lullu”, than that they would be willing to offer me a chance to get to know them. : (

YOUNG women make it as hard for me as probably possible, I’m afraid. :-(

Since 1995, young ladies DO NOT TALK TO ME ANYMORE out there in reality. :O (And they even were at a loss for words towards me, BEFORE this.) They behave & act digital-media-addicted and autistic. They talk only with their ears and hear the voices of people who are not there. :-O But I am no longer heard by them. :(

Also, I am aware of irritating evidence of contradictory, UNconscious ways of thinking & feeling, if I get messages here in the Internet:

JUDGEMENTS ONLY SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THESE PEOPLE, WHO ARE JUDGING:

For young women, I “am”:

-Too honest and too dishonest

-Too open & too sealed

-too directly & too restraint

-Too alternatively & too conservative

-Too homophobic & too gay-suspicious

-Too attractive & too unattractive

-Too eloquently & too quiet

-Too serious & too cheerful and silly

-Too shy & too briskly

-Too impetuous & too LITTLE Macho

-Too long & too short

-Too picky & too less picky

- Too JUDGED & too few judged

I’m afraid, I do not know, how I ever could even begin to correspond to this convoluted and contradictory claims . :-S

Women probably do NOT know at all what they really want. Can that be true ?:-S

AND …: Women always wish me “Good Luck & Much Success !” …and pass me over to the next, next on,… Lady :-(

I can not stand to hear this anymore ! I´m fed up ! :( Sigh

DARE to approach at least for ONCE !!! What’s wrong with you, Ladies ? :-O

And with the words “I like the way you write!” women make “unmistakably” clear that THIS was the last message from them that I´ll get to read.

And yet another inexplicable Phenomena:

Whenever I actually had a good start with talking to young ladies out in the real world (especially with serene, small, natural, blonde “bundles of joy” :-D), then these ladies soon …had departed to Cologne. :O

For whatever reason just always to THIS place. :-S I wonder now, what they would do, if I moved to Cologne myself. :-S Hmmm ???

I was often told, it wasn´t because of my physical appearance, if women turn away from me so much. But gradually I have SERIOUS doubts about this theory. My appearance seems to deter enormous. : O-BUH! I sure AM the safest “contraceptive” that exists.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wyct_8OL1Zg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSyOb8nKR20

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9N1i9NPGrVA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCkGwz-mrYc

https://www.studiblog.net/2014/06/04/why-women-dont-like-nice-guys/

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(3.): LOVE AT LAST LOOK ? & merely “FLEEING ACQUAINTANCES”  :-S

A request:

I feel sad, lonely, desperate, helpless, frustrated, disappointed and totally confused, …even more I ‘m scared if I’m aware of the efforts with which I try, to get female attention of young ladies… but get NOTHING but rejections. :-O :-(

I need feedback, confirmation and encouragement when I turn to young women (who I would like possibly), that it’s O.K. for you when I try to meet you closer.

Otherwise, I do not know how I EVER can satisfy my need for female proximity and closeness … or even just once can meet nice girls for companionship. :-(

Please tell me just ONCE in my lonely life that you like to have my presence and offer to me the chance to make a closer “sniffing” possible …. and how you do feel when you’re reading THIS … O.K. ?

Instead of always assuming hastily, that I´d EVER HAD a girl-friend already. :-O

EUREKA ! I think I got it! :)

Maybe I have found the essential explanation NOW why my efforts towards women, which I liked, had NEVER been rewarded by the hoped-for success:

Ironically, I, who do NOT fulfill or meet one of the popular men’s clichés *, have had (-a lifetime long-) only trust to the “love at first sight”-recipe ??? tz-tz-tz-tz-tz !?

What did I expect to get (except skepticism, confusion, helplessness and uncertainty), if I offer to all young immature ladies, EVERYTHING but what they are USED to receive from men … what they know … and consequently expect ? :-S

Sure, that too fast, hasty & commentless retreat & withdrawal from me (-which I know just too well of young ladies-) , maybe had been a (misread) sign to me, to believe that only in the very first few seconds / minutes of a new meeting a success would be possible. :-S But if I encounter women with EXACTLY THAT attitude & belief , they will be able to feel my impatience, tenseness and anticipatory anxiety. And feelings always come in mirror image: The women then feel that way, too. The danger is unfortunately large that they do not understand to express those emotions … and rather flee instead. :-O

And they HAVE withdrawn from me, a lonely 37-year-old life long. : (

Therefore, I find it so enormously difficult to imagine that even AFTER getting a rejection of a lady who I like, maybe there´s still basically the possibility of a “reconciliation, understanding and forgiveness”. :-S I just had NEVER experienced something different than pretty young ladies turning away from me … without a single word …or even complaining at me. : ( And then LEAVING me, just to be NEVER seen again ! :-X

I’ ve consciously decided to learn patience, confidence and trust in long-term success (with sufficient lead time to “sniff” at each other). Expectations have influence on the result. In longer term, there are plenty of options to re-encounter, as long as one (1.) believes in this… and (2.) tries it in a relaxed manner. :-)

And THEN there will also be a chance of getting to know each other nearer ; at least it´s not completely excluded ;-) ? Right ? ^_^

… Perhaps even love at LATER view?

Then there still remain the KNOWN, other difficulties:

- My shyness and uncertainty caused by the enormous experiences of rejection & failure in young women

- My inexperience with everything "young feminine", because I grew up WITHOUT sister, no girl-friend or wife … and consequently had no daughter, either.

- The wordless fear of women, THAT I was a ruthless macho-man … AND their equally big fear that I was NOT a macho-man.

- The digital media-addicted autism of young ladies today. They do not even notice me when I speak DIRECTLY to them. : (

(I do not even hear: “Heeey, You’re disturbing my wireless reception/connection !” from them.)

- My most fervent desire for DIRECT communication (WITHOUT media-dependency)

- My honesty, openness and questioning mindful view of life

- The painful tragedy that most women (and men) confuse the physical love, the “making love” with sex … and sex with a natural need … and I have quit to do this ,ever since I awoke from my abstinence-addiction.

- OTHER very common misunderstandings about “what love is all about”…like addiction to romance ….or addiction to relationship (either to as MANY ones as possible….or to “the ONLY One” :-O )

- The “-Self-fulfilling-Prohecy”, if I write publicly, no woman would want me

- The lack of economic appreciation for my work.

- my humble life-claims in OTHER affairs, too

* (Macho-Man, womanizer, mama’s boy, swot, intellectual, full failure, “dynamic maker”, etc …)

And: EUREKA! No. 2:

I had another insight:

Since the moment of my procreation I miss a “life-affirming impulse”, a life-and-loving impulse, a “divine spark” …. All my past life, I never had felt “wanted” … just “tolerated” best. : (

But this deficit I can only fill up with the beloved, lacked Things myself. And exactly THIS also explains my error, and my deterrent effect on women:

I have encontered the women who interested me, always in a such a manner that they could perceive my begging. I tried to PERSUADE the ladies to love MYSELF INSTEAD of ME loving myself. : O But actually NO woman in the world is ABLE to do this, and because of this unspoken fear , to be overburdened & overtaxed with such a task, they always drew back from me intuitively. : (

I now can fully understand this. ONLY I myself can learn to accept MYSELF FOR MYSELF…. to be THEN capable of love for someone else. :)

So, I try to accept me now as the “wanted/willed-by-myself.” :) Only if I can cope alone with me -WITHOUT a woman-, then I am ready for a love-relationship WITH a woman. :)

Anyhow, 1 Question still remains absolutely UNanswered:

If the YOUNG women really claim so much, that being CASUAL, RELAXED, OPEN MINDED, OPEN-ENDED, UNselfconscious , UNbiased & NOT binding would be so essential for dating, then I ask myself, WHY the heck these young Ladies & Girls always treated me with such ARTIFICIAL (negative) IMPORTANCE all my Life long, as to EXclude & ignore me so extremely, that one almost could SMELL the Tension !?!? Why do you GIVE such a big , "women-created" Significance to me , by treating me so exceptional & by creating an absolutely artificial Weighting of my Person & my Actions, if you´re really supposedly so much into Easiness, Relaxation, Looseness, Indifference, Non-Commitment & Open-Endedness ???

That´s a fundamental CONTRADICTION for me !!! WHAT do you actually WANT ???

Please CHOOSE & DECIDE finally !!! OK ?

And secondly:

Why is it, that your cold Ignorance, your silent Arrogance, your scary Silence & your emotional Coldness towards Me is so darn EASY for you ?

HOW do you manage so effortlessly to create & hold all this Tension so EASILY , WITHOUT being exposed to any kind of Consequence as a "Mirror-Image", or without receiving any Form of Resonance at all ???

How is is even POSSIBLE, that all your Crampedness & Tenseness towards me stays so FREE of any DISadvantages for YOU ???

Honestly: You´re CREEPY to me ! :-O

https://www.studiblog.net/2014/06/04/why-women-dont-like-nice-guys/

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(4.): WASTED MANLY FRESHNESS:

I am afraid of withering, before I have flourished ever !

"O.K.", you young Ladies & Girls of Middle-Europe:

Now you have ALMOST managed to DO it: If you just let some MORE YEARS of my manly Youth & Freshness go by UNused ... let them slip through my Fingers in vain, ...waste them & ignore them to Death... then I will become finally THAT much withered, that from then on, you can claim a new & very useful Excuse for excluding me & ostracizing me further on: And that IS, that I finally... FINALLY will have become "TOO OLD" for You !!! :-( After apparently having been "TOO YOUNG" for you finicky & picky Ladies all my Life BEFORE !?!? :-/ SIGH :-(

CONGRATULATIONS !!! For such a senseless, nonsensical, UNsatisfactory & self-fulfilling Accomplishment !

Already NOW I have a presentiment of  HOW enormously BIG the Sadness & the Fear will be, which I´ll feel, as soon as I in fact will have grown SO OLD, that young & still-fertile Femininity up  to Age 40, will turn their back on me , for reasons of "faded, vanished manly Vitality & Freshness" ...after they have let my Attractiveness & Energy slip away in vain & UNused !

How shall I ever MOURN enough for this UNbelieveable, INcredible,...because so UNnecessary & so AVOIDABLE Misery of a completely "overlooked" & bypassed Life of a Man ?!?!

How shall I ever overcome that "Primary Shock" , which I was exposed to very early in Life ( in 1975 , by a young overworked Nurse, who almost STRANGLED me to Death) & ever overcome this (seemingly) INsurmountable deep Ravine, between ME & female Youth/young Femininity, when from now on there´s also the Difference in Age between ME & unused, fresh & fertile Femininity ???

What Perspective & Chance will be left to me, to ever catch UP on all that, which the Girls & Ladies already always had REJECTED to me & have DEPRIVED me of, when I still was young & fresh myself ???

I am afraid, that FEMALE Youth will become only MORE aloof, repellent, unapproachable to me, & thus even MORE scary to me , that way.

And: As this always is a mutual thing..., but the Girls & Women never ever become AWARE (enough) of their own Fears, Insecurity & Confusion, they therefore rather keep their Distance towards me, by judging me & labelling me as being "strange" , "weird" or "suspiciously crazy". :-/

This way, young women & Girls not only distract (themselves) from their own Fears, Insecurity & Confusion, NO, they also add some "artificial Significance" to ME (-without noticing so, of course-), which I definitely do NOT necessarily "need" to have, nor do I WANT to have it !

From the very beginning, I miss also a "consequential Resonance" & a "resonant Consequence" in all the Actions, Activity & Behaviour of female Youth ! WHERE on Earth had ever been the Correlation & the mutual Mirror-Images of the Behaviour, the Feelings & the Needs of young Femininity, compared to MINE ???

WHERE had been any Evidence of THEIR Longings & Wishing & Wanting (towards ME) ???

Why did the Girls & young women always make it AS EASY AS POSSIBLE for me all my Life, to "avoid" THEM (the other way round) in my former Addiction-to-Abstinence ???

Why had this been so darn EASY ...without experiencing ANY Resonance , either for THEM or for ME ???

I do NOT understand that at all !!! This is a Division by Zero !!! Here, the natural Laws known to me, face an arbitrary Exception of NO rational Definition or Explanation !!!

:-/

Soon, I´ll maybe end up like THIS Man here, who stayed young... because he stayed Single !:

among "HE searches HER":

GIRLS, WHAT DO YOU WANT ???

A nice Guy, with Humour, good-natured & a loyal Soul. Someone who will listen to You, understand You ...and who´s ready for any .. well, almost any Deed ! And also is handsome. Then finally open Your Eyes !!

My best Friend is such a Guy, but unfortunately, he´s too shy to talk to You Ladies. With Age 42, he´s probaly just in the right Age for You... so please write to him via E-Mail-Adress....

I am afraid of withering, before I have ever flourished !

From mw OWN personal Life-Experience, I could not even TELL nor KNOW, that Women actually DO have interest in the male Gender at all, ... if there hadn´t been the OLD, withered, worn-off, MARRIED Women , with (almost) grown-up Children !!!

As much as YOUNG Women & Girls have only avoided, ignored, shunned, spurned & "overlooked" me arrogantly all my Youth & my young Adulthood long, the OLD Ladies have been all the more obtrusive, importunate & troublesome towards ME , ever since I was a little Child !!!

From the Days of my Childhood, I was surrounded by nothing but "Aunties" , "Mommies" & "Grannies" !! :-( UGH !

All this almost crossed the line to "Child-Abuse" ! An older Man once used the Word "Prostitution", referring to this Situation.

If only 1 single young Women or Girl only ONCE had pressed so hard on me, adored me , swarmed (a)round me, only 1/thousandth as much, as those Armies of OLD Ladies always have done incessantly since my Childhood, .... if I therefore only ONCE had experienced a Fraction of this exuberant, foaming-over  Interest & swollen, bloated Attention of the OLD, barren Femininity, ... by the YOUNG, FRESH, FERTILE & UNused Femininity for a Change, ... then I would be MARRIED now for many Years already ...and I would be the Father of 10 Children !

But instead of that, I have to now fight & fend off the unrelenting Storm & Attack of the encroaching, possessive, seizuring , occupying, possession-taking, "militantly-nice", troublesome, obtrusive, importunate, pushy, withered, used-up, worn-off, expired, faded, weather-worn, married, widowed, UNattractive, sterile, barren ... but horrible, awful, FORMER Femininity, for the Rest of my Life !!!

"Gery" is NOT the Abreviation of "Geriatrics", OK ??!!!!!

Definition of the Term "Menopause":

= The Age, from which on the Women all of a sudden "PAUSE" their hitherto existing, previous emotional Indifference & their Arrogance towards me ... for the Rest of their Lives.

I am afraid of withering, before I ever have flourished yet !

Why do only YOUNG Women & Girls NOT like "Nice-Guys" ? Whereas the OLD Women are even ADDICTED to those ?

The old Geezer-Ladies can even HATE me to the Core....but they never ever callously IGNORE me, like the Girls do ! :-( SIGH

--------

But it´s ME, actually, who is in an acute Hurry: My Time is running out, my "biological Clock" is ticking ! How shall I be able to get in Contact with YOUNG, FERTIL Femininity right in Time, ...when I have grown OLD myself, and have become worn-off & exhausted ???

And, what´s worst: I also won´t ever be able to be the Grandpa of my own Grand-Daughter, that way ! :-O

And when I´ll finally once have become an old Geezer of 99 Years myself:

NO OLD Lady will ever step TOO CLOSE up to me again !!!

Either I can finally manage to CATCH UP on my UNmet Needs for Contact with FEMALE YOUTH ...& HEAL UP this open Wound... or I´ll just stay Single untill the very last Day of my Life !!!

I am afraid of withering, before I ever got to flourish yet, in the first place !!!

https://www.studiblog.net/2014/06/04/why-women-dont-like-nice-guys/

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History and Purpose of Wahnmache/ MahnWache: ————————————————————————

Founded around 1991 by Gerhard Martin (Guitar & Keyboard & Drums) & Daniel Robert Oelbauer (Drums & Violin) as „TOLLHAUS“ (T.od O.hne L.angfristig L.ebenswerte H.offnung A.ll U.nseres S.eins ), while studying in the Gymnasium Sonthofen. Our first and only public Concert (Winter 1994) took place WITHOUT us, since we were NOT informed about it right in time. As NOBODY could be found for playing the bass, the „Band“ never grew to bigger extent than 3 men (additional Guitar-Player Andreas Reck joined in late 1993). And 1994 had been the year of the tacit disbandment, too. The project just diverged without comment. Some „easy & silly listening“-Folk-Rock-Band took the name TOLLHAUS for their Band…and I named my solo-project „WahnMache / MahnWache“ as an equivocation to the German word for a „political or admonishing vigil“ and the „making of madness“. It now is a solo-project, but it does not necessarily NEED to stay one, right ? ;-) Please help to develop these recordings into full wholesome songs with any instrument that would help to complement the expression of it. Strongly demanded would be Drums and Bass …but any other instrument is wellcome, too, as far as it can be useful to transport the emotional message of this music MORE, or in a new and interesting way. Please, let me know, WHAT your interpretation and supplement of my music will sound like. OK ?

Gerhard „Gerre“ Martin

Listen to my own Music-Compositions, please: d*-*b

It´s really expressive instru-metal Music , containing many influences, from "BACH to KRACH".

https://www.myspace.com/gerhard-martin

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https://www.myspace.com/wahnmache-mahnwache

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https://www.myspace.com/frank-dube.wahnmache

https://soundcloud.com/frankdubes-musics/sets/mahnwache-wahnmache

http://www.soundcloud.com/wahnmache-mahnwache/albums

http://www.soundcloud.com/mahnwache-wahnmache/albums

http://www.soundcloud.com/wahnmachemahnwache/albums

http://www.soundcloud.com/mahnwachewahnmache/albums

http://www.soundcloud.com/wahnmache/albums

http://www.soundcloud.com/mahnwache/albums

http://www.soundcloud.com/gerhard-martin/albums

https://soundcloud.com/gerhardmartin/albums

http://www.reverbnation.com/wahnmachemahnwache

https://www.reverbnation.com/musician/gerremartin

https://www.orfium.com/profile/wahnmache-mahnwache/

https://www.orfium.com/profile/mahnwache-wahnmache/

https://www.orfium.com/profile/wahnmache.mahnwache/

https://www.orfium.com/profile/mahnwache.wahnmache/

https://www.orfium.com/profile/wahnmachemahnwache/

https://www.orfium.com/profile/mahnwachewahnmache/

https://www.twine.fm/WahnmacheMahnwache

https://www.twine.fm/MahnwacheWahnmache

https://www.twine.fm/WahnMache

https://www.twine.fm/MahnWache

https://www.hypedsound.com/wahnmache-mahnwache

https://www.hypedsound.com/mahnwache-wahnmache

https://www.hypedsound.com/wahnmachemahnwache

https://www.hypedsound.com/mahnwachewahnmache

https://www.indabamusic.com/people/wahnmache_mahnwache

https://www.indabamusic.com/people/mahnwache_wahnmache

https://www.indabamusic.com/people/wahnmachemahnwache

https://www.indabamusic.com/people/mahnwachewahnmache

https://www.indabamusic.com/people/wahnmache

https://www.indabamusic.com/people/mahnwache

https://www.indabamusic.com/people/gerhard_martin

http://wahnmachemahnwache.bandcamp.com/

https://elcheaporecordz.bandcamp.com/album/mahnwache-wahnmache

https://www.hype.co/wahnmache-mahnwache

https://www.hype.co/mahnwache-wahnmache

https://www.hype.co/wahnmachemahnwache

https://www.hype.co/mahnwachewahnmache

https://plus.google.com/104633444816610301516

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzpFdHXSBrYNBtpRm6vNYVg

https://www.facebook.com/wahnmache.mahnwache

https://play.spotify.com/user/wahnmache-mahnwache

https://wahnmache-mahnwache.jimdo.com/

https://mahnwache-wahnmache.jimdo.com/

https://wahnmache-mahnwache.tumblr.com/

https://wahnmachemahnwache.tumblr.com/

https://mahnwache-wahnmache.tumblr.com

https://mahnwachewahnmache.tumblr.com

http://www.last.fm/de/user/WahnMache

http://www.last.fm/de/user/Gerhard-Martin

http://www.metal-archives.com/bands/WahnMache_-_MahnWache/3540416849

http://www.metal-archives.com/artists/Gerhard_Martin/679837

http://static.metal-archives.com/~metalarc/board/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=116026&start=80

>>

This one is very awesome, since the band is called "WahnMache / MahnWache"

<< >>

Wow ! Love this one. Their music isn't too bad, either.

<<

http://www.bandnamen.de/w.htm

13 Wahnmache/Mahnwache-Music-Videos:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqwPjRzTey7XU4mYpLRSyVcUTakF-iGFe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ryb_x4to0OE&list=PLqwPjRzTey7XU4mYpLRSyVcUTakF-iGFe&index=1

Download ALL Wahnmache/Mahnwache-Songs (mp3) HERE !!!:

SÄMTLICHE Wahnmache/Mahnwache-Stücke (mp3) hier zum Herunterladen !!!:

Télécharger TOUTES les Chansons de Wahnmache-Mahnwache (mp3) ICI !!!:

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/bnz7h83mttvthis/AAA2HdfmtKO9-k5shZuMRU-ga?oref=e

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

My (hopefully OVERlooked) "Music-Parody-Project":

>>Neg.(ativ)-Narz.(ißmus)<<:

https://myspace.com/negativer-narzissmus   https://myspace.com/negativer.narzissmus

https://myspace.com/negativ-narzissmus

https://myspace.com/negativ.narzissmus

https://www.reverbnation.com/negativernarzissmus   https://soundcloud.com/negativer-narzissmus/albums

https://soundcloud.com/negativernarzissmus/albums

https://www.twine.fm/negativernarzissmus http://www.reverbnation.com/musician/burtcocaine https://www.orfium.com/profile/negativer-narzissmus/ https://www.orfium.com/profile/negativer.narzissmus/

https://www.orfium.com/profile/negativ-narzissmus/

https://www.orfium.com/profile/negativ.narzissmus/  

https://www.indabamusic.com/people/negativer_narzissmus  

https://www.indabamusic.com/people/negativ_narzissmus   https://www.hype.co/negativer-narzissmus https://www.hypedsound.com/negativer-narzissmus

Download the FULL Album "zu allem Überfluß" as a ZIP-file with mp3-Songs:

Das vollständige Album "zu allem Überfluß" als ZIP-Datei mit mp3-Liedern:

Télécharger TOUTES les Chansons (mp3) de l ´Album "zu allem Überfluß" ici:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/894rrtqdpgi4o6n/ZORN%20%E2%80%93%20Zu%20allem%20%C3%9Cberfluss.zip?oref=e

https://www.dropbox.com/s/894rrtqdpgi4o6n/ZORN%20%E2%80%93%20Zu%20allem%20%C3%9Cberfluss.zip?oref=e#sthash.aAJfIaFq.dpuf

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I am a MOVIE-STAR now !!! B-)

And even with "half-NUDE-scenes" !!! 8-o ;-) :-P :"> =D Mmmmmh ! ^__^WHEEEEHHH !!!

From Minute 0:35 on, can be seen ! 8-D WOW !

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iU9TUB_KsH8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECdxwD2KcWU

The COMPLETE documentary-film (40 min) for Download:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/hib6jlsj8e7ne44/20140910-2015.m.mp4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xBGxTJKNQc

And finally, I had been engaged in THIS Cinema-Movie B-) as the MAIN supernumerary star:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ke6MaplcKdY

The Scene where I appear was filmed in Oberstdorf, Bavaria at the Schattenberg-Ski-Jump-Ramp ! It´s some mixture of Entertainment & Documentary about the short-sighted British Ski-Jumper Michael "Eddie" Edwards !

Voilà ! ^__^ Enjoy !!!

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My life had been totally DEVOID of “female youth” from the very beginning: I have had NO sister, NO girl-friend, NO fiancée, NO wife, NO daughter EVER ! :((( All my Life, I only have been applying myself totally IN VAIN for experiencing some YOUNG Femininity ! :-O :'(

Thanks to the fear, mistrust and shyness of you Ladies I have nothing but been alone all my life. :-(

And instead of explaining to me, what disturbes you talking to me, looking at me (and what I could possibly change), you just say: “I don´t believe, you never had a girl-friend. I think you´re joking!” :-O Or you just ask ME: “What has been the reason for the failure ?”, allthough I hoped to learn THAT from YOU. :-(

In meinem einsamen Leben hat das “Junge, Weibliche” immerzu nur gefehlt, schon von Anfang an: Ich hatte keine Schwester, keine Freundin, keine Verlobte, keine Frau, keine Tochter !!! :((( Ich habe mich mein GESAMTES Leben lang immer nur VERGEBLICH um etwas "WEIBLICHE JUGEND" bemüht gehabt ! :-O :'(

Dank dem Mißtrauen, der Scheu und Angst von Euch Damen war ich mein ganzes Leben lang nur allein. :-(

Und statt mir zu erklären, was Euch so sehr an mir stört (und ich ggf. daran ändern könnte), sagt Ihr mir nur: “Das glaube ich Dir nicht, daß Du noch NIE ne Freundin hattest. Ich vermute, Du veralberst mich!”:-O

Oder ihr fragt mich: “WORAN scheiterte es denn immer ?”, obwohl ICH doch diese Frage endlich von EUCH geklärt zu bekommen hoffte. :-(

Dans ma Vie, la jeune Fémininité n´a que MANQUÉE seulement ! :-O :-X

Je n´ai eu une soeur, une amie, une coupine, une fiancée, une femme, une épuse, ou une propre fille de moi-même jamais !!! :((( J´ai essayé à trouver un peu de la Jeunesse féminie totallement EN VAINE. :-O :'(

Grâce à la peur et défiance de vous femmes je n´ai été que seul toute ma vie. :-(

Et au lieu de m´expliquer ce que vous gênes de parler avec moi et regarder moi (, et me dire ce que je peux changer peut-être), vous me disez: »Je ne croix pas, que tu n´ais eu d´amie jamais ! Je pense, que tu raconte des bobards!« Ou vous demandez MOI : » C´était à cause de QUOI ?«, bien que MOI, JE veux apprendre ça de VOUS.

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[learnspanishfans]

16 Must-Know Words and Phrases For Any Language

What are the basic phrases you need to know when travelling? Often, native English speakers believe that everyone speaks English. So when they travel, they don’t bother learning the language of the place they’re visiting. After all, it’s fine to get by in English, right? Well, maybe. But there’s a much better way of doing things. I’m not saying you should become fluent in the language of every place you visit (unless that’s your dream). I am saying that learning just a few words and phrases can hugely enrich your travel experience. When you travel, you will benefit from doing a little research on your destination. Learning just a few basic phrases can be invaluable. I’ve been travelling around the world since 2003 and during that time, have lived in 23 different countries. My goal at first was to spend as much time as possible learning the native language of each country, before moving on. Some languages I was quick to forget. Others I’ve maintained fluency in to this day. Along the way, there were a handful of countries I visited that I never intended to spend more than a few days in, so I didn’t try to become conversant in the native language before arrival. Yet, I’d still invest whatever time I had available in learning as much of the language as I could in advance - even if it was only enough to get by. This is because my personal travel style is to avoid using English as much as possible. Why? It’s really not that hard to get by in another language, and it opens you up to cultural experiences that you’d otherwise miss. Researching a place on the Internet can only get you so far. The locals know the best places to eat and shop, the stand-out sights to see, the most beautiful beaches and the most unforgettable cultural experiences. Fail to learn any of the local language, and you’ll miss all this. You lose out on more than you probably realise. That’s why I always learn a little bit of the local language in whatever amount of time I have available, even if it’s only hours or minutes. For instance, I made the most of a single hour, learning the basics in Polish. Of course, you won’t want to waste your time memorising words and phrases you’ll soon forget or will never use. In my years of experience in travel and language hacking, I’ve found the following words and phrases to be the most important to learn. So the next time you’re heading out to a foreign country where English isn’t the first language, spend a few minutes researching the following phrases in the language of the country you’re visiting. These are the most important phrases to learn, though for some reason they’re often sprinkled throughout phrasebooks rather than being featured on the first page. I’ve included translations for German, French, Mandarin Chinese, Spanish and Italian. Let's get started!

1. “Thanks”

The number one word you should learn to say before visiting any country is “thanks”. It’s polite and people will appreciate the effort you’ve made to acknowledge them in their own language.

German: Danke

French: Merci

Mandarin Chinese: Xiè xie

Spanish: Gracias

Italian: Grazie

2. “I’m sorry”

For the sake of good manners, it’s good to know how to say sorry. You can say it when moving through a crowd, or when a general apology is required.

German: Es tut mir leid - “I am sorry” or Entschuldigung - “excuse me”

French: Je suis désolé or pardon

Mandarin Chinese: Hěn bàoqiàn or duì buqĭ

Spanish: Lo siento or perdón

Italian: Mi dispiace or perdono

3. “Hello”

What’s the first thing do when initiating conversation? You greet them, like so:

German: Hallo

French: Bonjour

Mandarin Chinese: Nǐ hǎo

Spanish: Hola

Italian: Ciao

4. “Can I have…”

When you travel, chances are you’ll be eating out, spending time in bars, and buying souvenirs. This is a handy phrase to know for ordering in a restaurant, bakery, coffee shop or bar.

German: Kann ich einen Kaffee haben...? - Can I have a coffee?”

French: Je voudrais un croissant. - “I would like a croissant.”

Mandarin Chinese: Wŏ yào zhè gè “I want this.”

Spanish: ¿Me trae dos cafés, por favor? - “Please give me two coffees.”

Italian: Posso avere… “I can have…”

5. “How much does it cost?”

It helps to be savvy while travelling, as well as being mindful of whether you’re staying within your budget

German: Wieviel kostet das? - “How much is that?”

French: Combien ça coûte ?

Mandarin Chinese: Zhè shì duōshǎo qián?

Spanish: ¿Cuánto cuesta?

Italian: Quanto costa/costano? (single/plural)

6. “Yes”

“Yes” is one of the simplest words to learn and it helps that it tends to remain constant across many Romance languages.

German: Ja

French: Oui

Mandarin Chinese: Shì (Technically there is no word for “yes” in Mandarin, but in many cases ‘it is’ works - otherwise, you’d repeat the verb of the question)

Spanish: Sí

Italian: Sì

7. “No”

Why would you learn how to say “yes” without learning the translation for “no”?

German: Nein

French: Non

Mandarin Chinese: Bú shì (Similarly to yes, as explained above, this actually means ‘it isn’t’, as there’s no single word for ‘no’ in Mandarin. If you put bù (‘not`) before the verb in question that tends to be what you need)

Spanish: No

Italian: No

8. “I am…”

“I am” is a much better phrase to learn than “My name is…”. Why? You can apply it to a range of topics – not only your name but your job, nationality and many other things. It’s the perfect phrase to use with Tarzan speak.

German: Ich bin...

French: Je suis...

Mandarin Chinese: Wǒ shì…

Spanish: Soy…

Italian: Io sono…

9. “What’s your name?”

After you’ve introduced yourself, you’ll want to know how to ask for an introduction in return.

German: Wie heißt du?

French: Comment vous appelez-vous ? (formal) or Comment tu t'appelles ? (informal)

Mandarin Chinese: Nǐ jiào shénme míngzi

Spanish: ¿Cómo se llama usted? (formal) or ¿Cómo te llamas? (informal)

Italian: Lei come si chiama? (formal) or Tu come ti chiami? (informal)

10. “How are you?”

If you find yourself in conversation with a local, it’s a mark of common decency to ask how they are. I find that people across many different cultures who work in service roles really appreciate it when you take the time to ask how they’re doing.

German: Wie geht es dir?

French: Comment allez-vous ? or the informal Ça va ?

Mandarin Chinese: Nǐ hǎo ma?

Spanish: ¿Cómo estás?

Italian: Come stai?

11. “Great!”

A quick, go-to response if someone asks how you’re doing.

German: Ich bin großartig! - “I am great!”

French: Ça va bien ! - “I am good!”

Mandarin Chinese: Wǒ hěn hǎo!

Spanish: Bien

Italian: Buona!

12. “Again, please”

A beginner in any language will have trouble understanding what a native speaker is saying, as they will talk at a fast pace. Don’t panic – just ask them to repeat what they said. If you’re new to the language, you don’t have to memorise how to say “Sorry, can you repeat that” - a quick “again, please” will usually do the trick.

German: Bitte wiederholen Sie - “Please repeat”.

French: Répetez s'il vous plaît - “Repeat, please”.

Mandarin Chinese: Máfán nǐ zài shuō yībiān - “Please say that again”

Spanish: ¿Disculpa? - ¿Perdón? or ¿Cómo? - “How?”

Italian: Vuole ripetere, per favore? - “Could you repeat that please?”

13. “More slowly, please”

This is another phrase you can use when natives speak really fast. It reduces the risk of them repeating themselves at the same pace.

German: Langsamer, bitte

French: Plus lentement s'il vous plaît

Mandarin Chinese: Gèng màn, qǐng

Spanish: Más despacio por favor

Italian: Più lentamente per favore

14. “Sorry, I Don’t Understand”

If you’re having issues communicating with a native speaker - tell them!

German: Entschuldigung, das verstehe ich nicht.

French: Je suis désolé, je ne comprends pas.

Mandarin Chinese: Wǒ tīng bù dǒng.

Spanish: Lo siento, no entiendo.

Italian: Mi dispiace, non capisco.

15. “Where is (the)...?”

You’re navigating a new country. Chances are, you’ll get lost now and again. Don’t be afraid to ask a local for directions. Even if you can’t follow their directions, you can get them to show you your destination on a map.

German: Wo ist (der/die/das)...?

French: Où est (le/la)...

Mandarin Chinese: Zài nǎlǐ...?

Spanish: Dónde está (el/la)...

Italian: Dov'è (il/la)...

16. Goodbye

Another phrase that’s really good to know.

German: Auf wiedersehen (formal) or Tschüß (informal)

French: Au revoir

Mandarin Chinese: Zàijiàn

Spanish: Adiós

Italian: Arrivederla/ci

With these words and phrases in your pocket, you’ll endear yourself to the locals, and you’ll have a more authentic experience. Speaking even a tiny bit of a foreign language makes you feel more thoughtful, widens your world view, gives you buckets of self confidence… and it’s addictive. Once you’ve had a taste of talking with someone in a language that isn’t your own, it can be really hard to stop! Are there any words or phrases that you try to learn before travelling? Is there one particular go-to phrase that you think should be on this list? Let me know in the comments.

The post 16 Must-Know Words and Phrases For Any Language appeared first on Fluent in 3 months - Language Hacking and Travel Tips.

Shared by learntospeakspanishquickly.com: http://ift.tt/2rYwQnZ from Blogger http://ift.tt/2qlF9NJ

[cassandradodds]

Judge Refuses to Toss $13.7 Million Pelvic Mesh Award

Woman Awarded $13.7 Million, Ethicon Threatens to Appeal

After a Pennsylvania state judge refused to strike down a $13.7 million transvaginal mesh lawsuit verdict, Johnson & Johnson and its Ethicon unit immediately indicated that they would appeal to the state Supreme Court. This, despite the judge’s reprimands that the plaintiff’s suffering was real and enduring.

Court documents indicate that the plaintiff filed her mesh lawsuit in June, 2013. She was implanted with transvaginal tape manufactured by Ethicon Inc. to treat urinary stress incontinence, also known as SUI, in 2005. In 2007, the woman began experiencing a sharp pain in her vagina. Her doctor then found that the mesh had become exposed and she underwent surgery to correct the problem. Three years later, in 2010, a second surgery was performed to again correct the problem. In 2012, one year prior to the transvaginal mesh side effect lawsuit being filed, the woman began experiencing pulling sensations and more pain due to the scarring from the prior surgical procedures and the implant.

The woman won a jury verdict of $13.7 million in 2016. The jury found that the TVT sling used in her original surgery was not reasonably safe. The verdict came within one month of the U.S. Food and Drug Administration’s (FDA) re-classification of transvaginal mesh from a Class II—moderate risk medical device—to a Class III—high risk medical device. The agency has since pronounced that TVM mesh use is no longer considered the preferred method of treatment for SUI or Pelvic Organ Prolapse (POP). Both conditions are common in older women who have had children.

The woman alleged in her lawsuit that transvaginal mesh complications left her with constant pain and discomfort as well as a minimized ability to engage in sexual activity with her husband. The lawsuit is in the Court of Common Pleas of Philadelphia County, Pennsylvania.

Ethicon attempted to have the award disqualified alleging that, in its view, the woman’s pelvic pain was intermittent at best and that her claims concerning emotional harm were “unqualified.” Judge Kenneth Powell, of the Court of Common Pleas of Philadelphia County, Pennsylvania, took exception to the defendant’s argument. “To characterize [plaintiff’s] testimony in this way is to minimize her real damages to an unreasonable degree,” Judge Powell wrote in an opinion. “This is not merely ‘intermittent’ pain—it is chronic pain, pain that will be with her for the rest of her life, with no real prospect of resolution.” Despite this, an Ethicon spokesperson said the medical device maker intends to appeal.

Ethicon faces 164 lawsuits in the Philadelphia courts, as well as another 31,630 lawsuits in Ethicon, Inc., Pelvic Repair System Products Liability Litigation consolidated before U.S. District Judge Joseph R. Goodwin in multidistrict litigation (MDL) 2327 in the Southern District of West Virginia. Meanwhile, device maker, Boston Scientific, indicated in its Form 10-Q report filed with the U.S. Securities & Exchange Commission (SEC) in November 2016 that it was involved in more than 40,000 lawsuits related to transvaginal mesh filed by plaintiffs who allege various transvaginal mesh complications.

The personal injury attorneys at Parker Waichman LLP represent numerous women in transvaginal mesh lawsuits. The firm continues to offer free legal consultations to anyone with questions about filing a transvaginal mesh lawsuit.

Court Slams Ethicon

The Philadelphia court ruled that it does have personal jurisdiction under Pennsylvania law over Ethicon, which is headquartered in New Jersey, because the corporation carries on a “continuous and systematic part of its general business within this Commonwealth.” Parent company Johnson & Johnson has 16 subsidiaries in the state of Pennsylvania. The Court also ruled that state-law design-defect claims are not preempted by federal law since Ethicon used the 510(k) route to obtain FDA approval for the TVT, which verifies that a medical device is “substantially equivalent” to an already-approved device. “The United States Supreme Court has determined that the Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act’s preemption provision does not apply to product liability claims regarding medical devices that underwent 510(k) clearance rather than the premarket approval process.

Mounting lawsuits note that transvaginal mesh implants were never clinically tested for safety or efficacy prior their release to the market and implantation in thousands of women. The 510(k) enables device makers to receive clearance for their medical devices and avoid clinical testing should they be able to prove that the new device is substantially equivalent to an already approved device.

The court also found that the lawsuit is not time-barred, even though the plaintiff was prescribed the TVT in August 2005 and did not file her lawsuit until June 2013; there is a two-year statute of limitations. “… [i]n cases of complex medical causation, it is not at all self-evident that the cause of injury was the fault of a third party,” the court indicated adding that, under the “discovery rule,” the statute did not begin until she the woman viewed a television commercial that described transvaginal mesh products as defective.

The court also found the punitive damage award to be constitutional, particularly because a critical element is “the degree of reprehensibility of the defendant’s misconduct.” The four-to-one ratio between compensatory and punitive damages was found to be well within the limitations of a 2003 U.S. Supreme Court ruling.

The court criticized Ethicon for having “deceptively withheld important information about the risks of undergoing a TVT implant procedure,” and that “the jury was free to determine that Ethicon provided warnings so deliberately misleading as to warrant the imposition of punitive damages.” What’s more, three Ethicon executives testified that the device maker was aware of the risks involved with the devices but neglected to issue appropriate warnings.

The case is on appeal to the Superior Court of Pennsylvania.

Legal Help for Women Suffering Serious Side Effects Associated with Pelvic Mesh, Slings

If you are a woman who suffered serious side effects following POP or SUI surgery involving mesh or a sling, the medical device injury attorneys at Parker Waichman may be able to help. Contact the firm for a free, no obligation, and confidential case evaluation. To reach Parker Waichman call 1-800-YOURLAWYER (1-800-968-7529).

from Parker Waichman http://www.yourlawyer.com/blog/judge-refuses-to-toss-13-7-million-pelvic-mesh-award/

from WordPress https://parkerwaichman.wordpress.com/2017/01/27/judge-refuses-to-toss-13-7-million-pelvic-mesh-award/