#who would i be without my emotional support homosexuals? nothing

[waitmyturtles]

As this film will be getting much more coverage during awards season, I thought that this analysis and reflection of Leonard Bernstein's queer sexuality, and how it was rendered in the film, was worth reading.

Certain emphases in the article below are mine. As an East-Coast American, in many ways, I feel like Leonard Bernstein is musical family; that a Hollywood-driven film about him would leave out important details of the context of his sexual and emotional life is... to be expected in the Hollywood West.

****

The film celebrates Leonard Bernstein’s musical duality, but fails to seriously engage with his bisexuality.

By Jennie Livingston

There’s a heartbreaking scene in Bradley Cooper’s “Maestro,” about the marriage of the composer and conductor Leonard Bernstein (Cooper) to the actress Felicia Montealegre (Carey Mulligan), in which, as the couple argue in the bedroom of their Upper West Side apartment, Macy’s parade inflatables glide past the windows. A giant Snoopy echoes a Snoopy we saw in a family scene; it also gestures at the awkward gulf between Bernstein’s private and public lives, as if the musician himself were yet another helium-propelled icon from the Thanksgiving pantheon. Montealegre’s accusation, “Your truth is a [expletive] lie!” nails Bernstein’s privilege, condemning the habits and appetites he expects his family to tolerate and support.

The film gets right so much of who Bernstein was, allowing us to take in how he was, all at once, ahead of his time, a victim of his time, a gay man, a bisexual, a father, a nonconformist, a narcissist. “Maestro” is full of heart and craft, with riveting lead performances. It’s a film about a musician that doesn’t exaggerate or glorify the creative process, or suggest artists are either superhuman or subhuman.

The film drops you into the heart of creation so that you feel the excitement of the new, particularly in eras (the 1940s through the ’70s) in which Leonard Bernstein revolutionized how the public experienced classical music. As the decades shift, so does what we see: Early scenes use an aspect ratio (4:3) and color world (black and white) from the ’40s; then the film almost imperceptibly brings in color, before finally stretching the frame out to widescreen — all without banging you over the head with its cinematic cleverness. The cinematographer, Matthew Libatique, deserves special applause for his command of light, space and movement. An opening scene in which the young Bernstein leaps onto a bed, slaps his partner’s butt like a timpani, then runs right into Carnegie Hall in his bathrobe and boxers, is as thrilling as any time-compression or dream sequence I can name.

Although it’s clear that Cooper’s directorial hand is nothing less than breathtaking, the film becomes increasingly disquieting. In the first third of the film, the script sets up an intoxicating premise: a queer Jewish man inhabiting the already-antisemitic world of classical music falls in love with a woman. It can happen. It particularly could happen in a world in which gay artists were always in danger of being exposed and ejected from the institutions they depended on. In the ’40s and ’50s, when Bernstein and Montealegre met and married, psychiatry still considered homosexuality a disorder to be treated or cured. (A note on my language describing Bernstein’s sexuality: In an early letter, Montealegre tells Bernstein “you are a homosexual and may never change.” More recently, his daughter Jamie has referred to him alternately as gay and bisexual.)

Early on, the script follows Bernstein from dating the clarinetist David Oppenheim (the man in bed in that opening scene, played by Matt Bomer) to his courtship with Montealegre, an actress with high cheekbones and an intelligence and warmth that are just as sharply defined. One day Lenny’s walking alone in Central Park and runs into Oppenheim, who’s strolling with his wife, Ellen Adler (Kate Eastman), and baby in tow. By now Bernstein’s also married. Addressing the child, Bernstein jokes that he has slept with both of her parents! And adds with a kind of wild glee, “but I’m reining it in.” The mother and child go one way; Bernstein and Oppenheim head downtown. Soon Oppenheim is clasping Bernstein’s face, and they are both feeling, regretting, reliving what couldn’t have been.

If only the film itself weren’t an exercise in “reining in” Bernstein’s sexuality. Granted, the movie primarily concerns the relationship between Montealegre and Bernstein. It’s about two people creating a family, a family that has issues, partly because the wife spends years tolerating, resisting, commenting on, accepting and suffering from her husband’s dualities. But about a third of the way in, the queer characters all but fade out. They’re there as a light visual presence, but not as people with stories and interior lives.

After Oppenheim and Bernstein’s intimate stroll, Lenny and his lovers are reduced (in Montealegre’s eyes) to a series of obstacles to respectability, and (in the audience’s eyes) to a series of outfits, mannerisms and even clichés, like a coke-fueled party during which Bernstein talks on the phone to his daughter Jamie. Did some gay men in the ’70s skate on the surface of drugs and anonymous sex? Yes, and if the film tells me Bernstein was there to witness and experience it, I believe it. What I don’t believe is that he never experienced relationships with men built on conversation, intellectual intimacies and sustained physical contact. It wouldn’t have taken much — one or two scenes — to suggest that the gay relationships that Bernstein cultivated were in fact love affairs. That may have been worth noting, including in the service of telling the story of the marriage.

“Heterosexuals have never known what to do with queer people, if they think of their existence at all,” Carmen Maria Machado writes, in a memoir tracing the invisibility of certain narratives. I don’t want to believe that the director and his co-writer are incapable of writing well-rounded gay characters, but paradoxically, the failure to render Bernstein’s male lovers as three-dimensional people distracts from the central couple’s romance. I longed for more insight into the nuances of Bernstein and Montealegre’s conundrum, and details of his queer life could have provided it. Flattening Bernstein’s gay relationships to a series of knowing glances and brief encounters seemed to underline the main couple’s essential heterosexuality, rather than emphasizing their relationship’s complexity.

Because, in life, Bernstein kept seeing men — and not only at the events the film allows us to briefly glimpse. Ultimately, he left Montealegre for a younger man, Tom Cothran (Gideon Glick), who worked in classical radio. If included, this risky decision could have been a great turning point in the film. Scenes of Bernstein attending the dying Montealegre are moving; they could have been more meaningful if we had understood the drama and sacrifice behind his loving presence at her bedside. He didn’t just drop out of one or two coke-fueled soirees; he left a relationship.

The film ends with Montealegre’s death and suggests Bernstein never recovered from the loss. In life, after his wife’s death, Bernstein reconnected with Cothran, as a friend. Soon after, Cothran himself died, of AIDS, the plague that claimed the lives of so many men of his and Bernstein’s generations. It must have been a cavalcade of griefs for Bernstein; it must have been so complex for this artist to have struggled — with his desire to honor his desires, with his realization that the world was becoming increasingly open to “out” queer artists as viable public figures — and with the divisions between his queer worlds and his family. I wonder if Bernstein longed for Montealegre more acutely in the 1980s. Perhaps, together, they could have absorbed the horror of the AIDS pandemic.

The decision to leave out AIDS feels as if the filmmakers simply don’t know, or mark as significant, what happened in the world during the years between Montealegre’s death in 1978 and Bernstein’s own death in 1990. What viewers get instead is a near-final sequence of Bernstein grinding with his young conducting student to Tears for Fears’s “Shout,” then wildly dancing on his own. That these flashes of ecstasy occur in a room full of other young men, many of whom will die soon, is an odd understatement from a film obsessed with the passage of time.

Jennie Livingston directed and produced the award-winning documentary “Paris Is Burning,” and the shorts “Who’s the Top?” “Through the Ice” and “Hotheads.” Other work includes directing for the TV series “Pose” and creating an original projection for Elton John’s show. Livingston is currently at work on a nonfiction feature film, “Earth Camp One.”

[pinkywritesstuff]

can you write a story where pinky comforts brain after a bad day maybe😼😼

Brain tossed and turned, the gift of sleep failing to reach him yet again. Every time he tried to close his eyes, he’d open them again mere seconds later, wide awake without an inkling of tiredness. Even as Pinky slumbered soundly next to him, his quiet noises usually allowing Brain to drift off, he still couldn’t fall asleep.

And he knew exactly why.

His plan for tonight had been a complete disaster. Not in the traditional sense, nothing exploded or melted luckily. But still, something horrible had occurred that left him without words.

For the rest of the night.

He had constructed an idea involving him using public speaking as a means to motivate the world into following his rule. Brain was optimistic that he would be able to express his potent vocabulary to encourage millions to benefit the good of the world. Was it a little corny? Certainly. Though he presumed that the population would support someone looking out for them without much hassle in this melancholy society.

Why did he have to be so wrong?

As soon as he stepped to the podium to present his great speech that he’d been advertising and preparing for days prior, the crowd turned on him. Badly. He had only gotten to say a few words before chaos ensued. The jeers of the people mocking him were cruel and unjust. Callous and insulting. Almost ridiculous, yet still based in reality.

“Look at how small he is!”

“He’s clearly an idiot. His forehead is the size of my pickup truck!”

“Great! Another fat politician to manipulate us.”

“You’re ugly!”

“You are overweight. Really fat.”

“Shut up!”

“No one cares about you. Get off the stage you moron!”

Brain tried easing the people to continue his speech, but soon, items began being thrown at him. Vegetables, the free pens he handed out earlier, even dangerous things like chairs. The crowd was livid, and their harsh yells continued to ring loudly in Brain’s ears.

“Pointless idiot!”

“Overweight dumbass!”

“Loser with no life!”

He felt sick to his stomach, lightheaded and weak. His heart pounded in his chest, his breath becoming labored. These dreadful phrases just kept coming, over and over again. It almost became like a mantra of sorts. And all he could do was blankly stare and avoid the occasional object haphazardly thrown in his direction. Brain swallowed a lump in his throat, doing his best to not cry.

He was so lost until he heard a familiar voice speak over the microphone.

“Stop hurting Brain! He’s trying to help you! Can’t you see that? Poit! Just leave my boyfriend alone!”

Pinky was far too kind to try and assist him with calming the crowd. Brain felt a little better knowing his partner was on his side, defending him to the very end.

Unfortunately, his admittance of the two being romantically involved proved to be the nail in the coffin.

The people got aggressive, the shouting increasing to a deafening degree. They raised their fists and Brain could only whimper as he began hearing insults thrown at both him and Pinky.

“Homosexual garbage!”

“Your boyfriend is as ugly as you!”

“I thought you were pathetic before but now that I see you’re in a same-sex relationship, you suck even more.”

“Fa-”

And that’s when he heard it. The infamous f slur. Brain only recently came to terms with his sexuality and when he looked up the word, he was more than a little unnerved. This was the first time he’d been called it though. And it hurt.

He felt himself grow dizzy as the people began to chant the word aloud. It was maddening how inconsiderate and cruel the public could be, not even giving him a chance to show what he could do. Brain was so lost in emotions that he didn’t even realize he’d been pulled off the stage by Pinky, who was grasping onto his paw with a worried expression.

“Brain, are you alright? Brain?”

All he could do was nod, his eyes still widened in disbelief at what had just unfolded. Brain bit his lip as he felt Pinky’s hold on him increase in intensity.

“Don’t listen to them. Narf. They don’t know that you’re the bestest mouse on the planet and they don’t need to know. I love you, Brain. That’s all that matters.” Pinky kissed Brain’s head soothingly, attempting to comfort him to his best ability.

Brain blinked at his partner once, his mind still in a haze. Still, he tried to show Pinky that he’d helped, thought it wasn’t entirely accurate. “T-thanks Pinky. I’ll be fine. I promise.”

He wasn’t fine. That was the furthest thing from the truth.

The entire walk back to the lab was silent. While the duo walked with their fingers intertwined underneath a starry night sky, Brain averted his gaze from Pinky, trying to hide his upset state. Pinky didn’t even say anything to lighten the mood, which was completely unusual for him. When they’d reached their cage, Brain went to bed instantly with Pinky following suit not too long after.

It was only 10:00. He wasn’t even tired.

Time passed and Brain still could not sleep. Pinky was a naturally quick sleeper, so he was already out and would likely remain asleep for a long time. He turned around to face his companion’s calm form. His face softened out when he noticed how peaceful Pinky looked and the miniscule smile that graced his lips. Brain blushed a little; Pinky was extremely adorable when he slept.

And yet, he still didn’t feel any better about what had happened earlier. In fact, he felt even more distressed now.

Brain couldn’t believe that such vicious and abrasive comments existed, that people could even bother judging him before they knew him personally. Though he relinquished in the support that Pinky brought him, he still felt vulnerable, inferior. Like everyone else saw him as a disappointment.

He knew that these words wouldn’t leave his mind, at least not tonight. Brain needed to contemplate all that had occurred in a secluded area, away from prying eyes (Pinky specifically). So, deciding that sleep was out of the question, Brain sat up in the bed, pulling the blanket away from his body. He was careful as to not accidentally make a sound when exiting.

Things were going well so far. Hopefully Pinky wouldn’t notice the shift in weight on his side.

The short mouse stood up, freezing for a moment, and glancing back towards his friend, who was thankfully still asleep. Brain sighed in relief before he began to walk away from the bed. He took quiet steps, hoping that nothing would deter him from finding a place to hide and ponder. He needed this mental break.

Brain almost reached the cage door, preparing to pick the lock open with his crooked tail when he heard the bed creak behind him.

“Brain? Where are you going so late?”

Drat. He’d been caught dead in his tracks. What was he to do? Acknowledge Pinky’s question and fess up to everything? Ignore his partner and pretend that he didn’t hear him, which would absolutely cause tension in their relationship?

Not wanting to discuss with Pinky his emotional instability, he decided on the latter option, which he would definitely regret at a later time. Brain trudged farther away from Pinky, not responding to his question as he continued working on the lock.

“Are you okay? Zort. Is something bothering you?”

There was no stopping him, was there? He didn’t really have a choice. Pinky would be adamant about knowing what was up and would not silence easily. Groaning in annoyance but putting on a look of contentment, he turned around to face Pinky, who looked extremely concerned and unsure.

“Uhm…everything’s alright Pinky.” Brain slowly moved away from the cage door, trying not to reveal any of the thoughts that were currently invading his mind. He came up with a quick lie to further sway his companion. “I was just heading back to bed after…uh…taking a last look at my notes for tomorrow’s plan. Nothing to fret over. Go to sleep.”

Pinky quirked an eyebrow, not buying Brain’s fib in the slightest. He sat up from the bed and began walking slowly towards the megalomaniac. “I don’t believe you. You look all scowly and sad. Is something wrong? Do you wanna talk about it?”

Brain felt himself stall as Pinky approached him. Curse his inability to lie in a stressful situation. Pinky had seen right through his façade. His friend’s emotional intelligence was truly befuddling.

“I assure you that I’m fine as I stand currently. You…you don’t have to worry about me at all. We don’t have to discuss anything.” He tried backing away from Pinky, but his legs just wouldn’t move. It’s like he was stuck in place. “Really, Pinky. It’s fine. We can just return to the bed and prepare for tomorrow night. Everything’s just great.”

The taller mouse shook his head, maintaining his watch on Brain’s now anxious face. He continued to walk towards him, almost demandingly.

“Zort. You’re lying Brain. I can tell. Is this about what happened earlier at your speech thingy?”

Oh no. He knew about that. He’s understood that Brain hadn’t been okay after the failed plan. Pinky knew. How he’d known was not a question that Brain was worried about. Rather it was the fact that sooner or later, he’d need to fess up to Pinky about what had truly been happening.

Brain halted, fighting back against the sudden increase in emotions rising within him. He was at his breaking point; guess he just had to come clean now. There was no way out. “Alright, you got me.” Brain started, his voice laced with sarcasm, anger, aggression, and a little sorrow. “That whole entire speech plan was a failure. And for once, it was for something that wasn’t exactly my fault. That sounds great, right? Well, it’s not.” Brain’s face fell, his breath hitching before he resumed. “For once, a plan failed because of things I claim I can control, but I actually can’t. Those people only saw the worst parts of me. Ones I’ve been trying to alter for years now so that I may appeal to the masses. I finally go out as myself and look where that got me! People threw produce in my direction. I got called offensive names. Just for my looks. And, Pinky, just face it, I believe their statements were accurate.”

Pinky gasped, running over to Brain quickly before attempting to console him by placing his paws on Brain’s shoulders. “Brain. You know that what those people said was just stupid. You know that. I care about you…”

“You don’t understand, Pinky! You’ll never understand these hardships I’ve had to go through my entire life!” He pulled away from his companion, his agitation increasing rapidly and his tone raising to an agitated shout.

“Look at this.” He gestured towards his body, trying to get his point across by all means necessary. “I’m overweight, pathetic, and no one cares about me. I’m judged before I’m even given a chance to do something for the greater good. People hate me for simply existing. It’s not like you where you walk into a room, and everyone instantly wants to be your friend. I work harder than anyone to gain appreciation for the things I do, and it never works out in my favor. Others just see me as a chubby loser with no meaning in life.”

“Brain, I sometimes don’t feel good about meself too. Narf. I don’t just walk into a room and make friends, at least for the most part. And you are not a loser. You are incredible and smart and super handsome…”

“Just listen!” He cut Pinky off again, though he didn’t even care about hearing what Pinky had to say; he needed to get this off his chest before it caused him to collapse internally. “Don’t you understand what they called us at the speech? When you tried defending me, they hated me even more simply because I’m in a relationship with someone of my exact gender. I’ve only recently accepted that side of myself, and I’m already being put down for it. I just…I can’t…”

A garbled sob slipped out. Brain allowed a few tears to run down his face. His control over himself was gradually dissipating. He only felt worse when he saw Pinky’s upset expression, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. Things were escalating. And Brain wasn’t done yet.

“I’m worthless, Pinky! I fail at everything I do! It’s how the world sees me apparently. And everyone was right. I’m just a pretentious, moronic, useless, stupid fa-”

He was silenced, not by his own volition, but by Pinky forcibly pushing him to the floor, restraining him with his own body. He was about to respond in alarm before he felt lips press against his own. This kiss was aggressive and messy yet still tender and calming. Brain closed his eyes as he accepted all of Pinky’s intense feelings which seemed to transfer between their connected mouths. He held onto his partner’s back tightly, moaning softly as the kiss deepened.

Pinky was the one to part for air, Brain huffing heavily after the unexpected kiss. He and Pinky sat up, still gasping for breath. But before he could process what happened, he was grabbed by the shoulders as Pinky stared at Brain face-to-face, with a look that could only be described as enraged.

“No, no, NO!! Brain, you DO NOT say those awful words to yourself or to me! Poit! You are NOT any of those things you said. Not even close!! And you DO NOT CALL YOURSELF THAT HORRIBLE WORD!! I looked up what it means on the Goggle site earlier and it’s most definitely not okay to call yourself that unless you’re positive about it! You are incredible and amazing, and I love you so much! Troz! You don’t deserve those meany-mean people’s attention! Do you understand?!” Pinky yelled, louder than he’d ever yelled before.

Brain wasn’t expecting Pinky to be this hostile with him, but he wasn’t entirely opposed to it. His friend’s kind but firm words made him feel a little better, though he continued to hold in tears.

Pinky seemed to notice this, moving his paws to cup Brain’s cheeks and rub them gently. His angry scowl turned into a soft smile as he inhaled and calmed down. “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think you’re overweight. I like your chubby head and belly. They’re so much fun to squish! Zort!” He nuzzled Brain’s nose, causing the pink-eyed mouse to blush again. “Those people don’t see what I see in you, Brain. But their opinion doesn’t matter. As long as I love you, that’s all that matters to me.”

Brain held his breath, trying to hold in a very aggressive outburst. Pinky was truly his everything, his world. But he still felt this nasty feeling inside. Like even though he had his partner, it still wasn’t enough.

As if Pinky had read his mind, he pulled Brain closer, placing a small peck on his temple. “I can tell you’ve been holding in a lot recently.”

All Brain could do was sit without words, still attempting to contain his feelings.

“You don’t have to hold back for me, love. Let it out. You’ll feel much better when you do.”

Overcome with emotions that were becoming too much for him to bear, Brain proceeded to bury his face into Pinky’s chest, sobbing hard. He was so exhausted of all those horrific words poisoning his thoughts. Still, he was relieved that Pinky didn’t care about him allowing him to let himself go a bit. He held onto his companion like his life depended on it.

Pinky calmed Brain, lovingly tracing his fingers through Brain’s fur, and whispering soft, comforting words in his ear, hoping it would help. Luckily, it seemed to be working.

As Brain continued to bawl, he couldn’t help but feel as if not all these tears were as a result of what those people had said. Some were certainly from the fact that Pinky was still with him, aiding him with all these problems and loving him boundlessly. He was so grateful for Pinky. Especially at times like this.

After what seemed like hours, Brain sighed, his built-up feelings fading away slowly, but surely. He hummed, pulling his head from Pinky, and staring into his partner’s soft blue gaze. He sniffed a little before allowing himself a light smile.

Pinky took this as a sign that Brain was finished crying. He placed his paws on Brain’s cheeks, scrubbing the excess tears off with his thumb. “Are you feeling better now, Brain? Poit. Are all those nasty-wasty feelings gone?” he asked delicately, his voice in a faint whisper.

Once again reduced to silence, albeit because of entirely different reasons, Brain could only nod once before he pushed himself forward, resting his face into Pinky’s chest once again, but this time in a tight embrace. Almost instantly, he began to place kisses along his companion’s body, anywhere he could reach. Pinky reacted appropriately, breaking out into fervent giggles as the two fell to the floor.

“Braaaaaaaaain!” Pinky’s entire face was red in a deep blush, his smile bright. “What are you doing?”

Brain smirked suggestively at Pinky, brushing his fingers along his partner’s fur as he briefly stopped kissing him to respond. “Why, Pinky. I’m simply showing my appreciation for you in a way we both can comprehend.” He nuzzled his nose against Pinky’s chest, almost purring. It was primitive, but he couldn’t be bothered.

“Naaaaarrf!!” Pinky swooned, his breath catching as he exhaled as Brain continued to hold him close. He could hardly believe how snuggly Brain was being. His heartbeat became louder; he was positive that Brain could hear it now.

“I do hope this isn’t too much. Over-stepping your boundaries is something I never want to do to you, considering how much I care about you.” Brain was still a little insecure about his…romance skills. He never wanted to make Pinky feel uncomfortable.

“Of course not, Brain!” Pinky placed a soft kiss on Brain’s nose, causing the latter mouse’s face to flush darkly. “It’s perfect, darling. Please keep going!”

He happily obliged to Pinky’s request, grabbing his lover by the waist and continuing to show how much he truly loved him. Brain peppered kisses along the crook of Pinky’s neck and on his collarbone, making sure not to miss a single spot. It didn’t take him long to begin kissing Pinky’s face too, occasionally sneaking a peck onto Pinky’s lips to add an element of surprise.

Pinky burst into hysterics once more, his infectious laughter leading Brain to chuckle slightly in between kisses. “Oh, Brain! I’m so happy you’ll be okay! Troz!” He cupped Brain’s cheeks to stop him temporarily. “I love you.”

Brain couldn’t help but smile in Pinky’s tender hold. “I love you too,” he whispered gently, before pushing himself forward to begin kissing Pinky once more.

While he knew that others would hold him back and ridicule him, Brain was positive that Pinky would be there to love him and cherish him during all the harsh turmoil.

As long as Pinky loved him, the world would come to him someday.

 No one could do anything about that.

[mcu-and-buckybarnes-things]

Spy Game is so overlooked by shippers that I have to play with AI to get myself supplied.

So I tried to test which one of the popular AI models is the most shipper friendly (actually no, I was just bored), and here are the results.

To my question of do you see any homosexual aspect in Tom/Nathan relationship,

Gemini answered:

The film "Spy Game" doesn't explicitly depict a homosexual relationship between Nathan and Tom. Here's why:

Focus on Different Aspects: The movie prioritizes themes of loyalty, sacrifice, and the moral complexities of espionage.

Brotherhood/Mentorship: The relationship leans more towards a strong brotherhood or a strained mentor-student dynamic.

Historical Context: Released in 2001, the film predates a more open portrayal of LGBTQ+ characters in mainstream cinema.

However, there can be subtext interpretations, and here are some points to consider:

Physical Closeness: In some scenes, their physical closeness might be read as more than platonic depending on the viewer's perspective.

Emotional Connection: Theirs is a deep emotional bond forged through shared experiences and danger.

Limited Options: Spies often operate in isolation and rely heavily on their handlers, creating an intense intimacy.

ChatGPT:

While there are moments of emotional intimacy between the characters, particularly as Muir reflects on his past experiences and the choices he made, the film does not overtly suggest a romantic or homosexual aspect to their relationship. The focus remains primarily on their professional dynamics and the complexities of espionage.

Interpretations of relationships in films can vary among viewers, and some may perceive underlying themes or dynamics differently. However, within the context of "Spy Game," there isn't explicit evidence to suggest a homosexual aspect in the relationship between the two leads.

Copilot:

I have not seen the film Spy Game, but based on the web search results, it does not seem to have any explicit or implicit homosexual aspect in the relationship between the two leads, Nathan Muir and Tom Bishop. They are portrayed as mentor and protégé, and their friendship is tested by their loyalty to the CIA and their personal values. There is no indication that they have any romantic or sexual attraction to each other.

However, some viewers may interpret their relationship differently, depending on their own perspective and experience. Some may see a subtext of homoeroticism or homosociality in their interactions, especially in the scenes where they are physically close or emotionally vulnerable. Some may also compare their relationship to other films that explore the theme of homosexuality in espionage, such as The Imitation Game1 or The Spy Who Came in from the Cold. These interpretations are subjective and not necessarily supported by the film’s narrative or the intentions of the filmmakers.

Ultimately, the relationship between the two leads of Spy Game is open to various interpretations, but there is no clear evidence of a homosexual aspect in the film.

Claude:

I have not actually seen the film Spy Game, so I don't have direct knowledge about the relationship between the two lead characters. Without watching the film myself, I can't really comment substantively on potential homosexual undertones or aspects of their relationship dynamic. Movies can sometimes depict complex relationships between characters that go beyond surface appearances, but analyzing that would require me to experience the work firsthand. I don't want to make unfounded speculation.

Claude was a disappointment.

Gemini on the other hand, can even write some pretty decent fanfics as long as you feed it with appropriate prompts.

I mean it’s nowhere near human writers in terms of originality, attention to details, character arcs, etc., but they are entertaining enough as short stories when you can find literally nothing for your niche & rare couples.

ChatGPT is also not too bad in this regard.

None of them can write explicit stuff though.

[givemearmstopraywith]

as a nonbinary lesbian, i was curious how you navigate your faith whilst being queer - if that's something that's even a thing for you.

(thank you for the additional message about this!! i do identify as a nonbinary lesbian but the lesbian aspect is still something im learning about for myself x)

it's a huge thing! my queerness and my faith are completely interrelated and i dont think one would exist without the other- they are mutually enhanced by each other, but admittedly its very difficult in spaces where frequently the community of faith rejects or undermines my queerness, and honestly? the queer community frequently also rejects and undermines my faith. its weird! but i also know that the profundity of my identity mirrors the profundity of God's own- as much as people struggle to understand the depths of who God is and how he loves, i feel like queer people experience the same thing- the struggle of the hegemony to understand how they love and who they are. we refer to God as a he and we call jesus his son, but lesser known is the fact that shekinah, the spirit which is said to have covered mary at the immaculate conception, the force with allowed her body to carry a god, is written of in the original hebrew using feminine pronouns. which is such a small way of acknowledging how synonymous queer identity- particularly nonbinary or trans identity- is with the idea of God's identity.

in terms of navigating homophobia in the church and in faith, i think a lot of it is born out of ignorance and a long history of misinterpretation of the bible. many rabbis teach that the sins of sodom were not homosexuality, but economic injustice: the sexual element to the sin told in genesis was that the men of sodom wanted to have sex with angels, a grave sin rooted in ancient jewish mysticism. it was never about men having sex with men: it was about men having sex with angels, which is incidentally also the impetus in the jewish flood narrative for the destruction of humanity. and jonathan and david- i love, so deeply, how 1 samuel talks about their relationship, that jonathan loved david as his own soul, his own nephesh, a word that has no direct translation in english but in hebrew encompasses means life, self, person, desire, passion, appetite, emotion. psyche, sentience, breath. it is that which passed from God into man and made him alive. its a deep profundity of love, and it is between two people of the same gender, and to say that homosexual love exists in scripture in some capacity does not at all seem at odds with a god who is written in in a multitude of gender expressions. so that's the biblical foundation for navigating my faith and my identity: there is nothing in scripture at odds with me. and i'm sure there will be a christian who comes trotting into my inbox citing leviticus 18. leviticus 18 should be of no concern to christians. it is jewish law. you are not jewish: you are christian.

in terms of the church, i will not lie! i went for a job interview to be a children's minister and was passed over for the job because the church did not support inclusion. i am often scared of being blackballed because of my identity. i am privileged in that i pass as cis: trans is not a term i would ever apply to myself. and i've chosen to be single so i can focus on school, so my sexuality doesn't come up often. but i'm out to my school chaplain, and she's been incredibly supportive and encouraging. i am also fortunate that i live in a very liberal city and attend an anglican school, so i have never encountered direct homophobia or transphobia in terms of my schooling. in fact ive felt supported and loved by my peers- even in places that i think people don't expect to see it, like classes where there's three women, me, and twenty priests-in-training. and i am lucky and, i think, unusually lucky. i spent time as a child in spaces that were intensely homophobic- people who, when i expressed my joy at the legalization of gay marriage in the us, were horrified and said i would go to hell for my support. and as a young lesbian, as someone who knew i was different from my peers but couldn't quite figure out what, it was an awful experience that set my development back exponentially. i'm not going to say that the church as a monolith is a safe place for queer people. it's not. but God is profound love: God loves us. and there are many, growing places- as there have always been- in the church where queerness is not at odds with the practice of faith. so i carry my identity close to me, i don't advertise it, but i know that where humanity does not have the capacity to love me for who i am, God's profound love is capable of far more than i could ever imagine. and that comforts me a lot.

[boymeetsme]

posting this here where no one will ever see it because i want to get it out but not i do not feel like being vulnerable with ppl irl rn lol:

my middle school bestie got married, and it’s such a strange and happy feeling to not be jealous or angry. i feel that way with everyone else, even if i met them senior year of high school. i think it’s an insecurity or something. maybe i wish i had been cooler or more loved by these people so their weddings feel like personal snubs. the world does not revolve around me, but sometimes my emotions make me feel like it does.

so it’s weird to me that this wedding, for a middle school bestie who i lost contact with but picked up again in high school, with a childishly toxic history that should make me 10x more angry and jealous, even though i wasn’t even able to go to the wedding, makes me so happy. i am so, so happy. and i feel even happier when i try to pick apart that emotion and find nothing bad to taint it.

i first met her girlfriend at a little house party where the objective was to get high and drunk and play beer pong in the garage. i was nervous to the point of shaking because i always am, but more so because i was going to someone’s house who i had never met before to meet a couple dozen other people i had never met before, and finally reunite with a girl i who had a million qualified reasons to not like me. her girlfriend, without question or pause, hugged me like i was already a friend. i got high and properly tipsy for the first time that night, then did a bunch of other toxic stuff later (driving under the influence, messaging a guy i shouldn’t have, etc), but everything in the garage was so good.

at the time, i still held the belief that homosexuality was a sin and i should love the sinner, hate the sin. i considered what i’d do if they got married and how i’d turn down a wedding invitation. another red flag on top of many. then i accidentally outed them to one of their families and started a whole thing. more red flags. but somehow…it ended up alright? through no help of mine, obviously, but they got an apartment together and a cat and somehow i still kept getting invitations to come hang out and meet more of their friends. they bought me food and booze and took care of me when i got too high and thought i needed to go to the hospital. they moved, i got married, and then i moved just a few yards away from where they live. i walk out my door every morning and chance a sleepy “hello” with my best friends. even though the man i married is the best, most loveliest anti-social hermit, they invite him and tease him and feed him and treat him like they treated me so kindly in the beginning.

months ago, her girlfriend came over to show me the engagement ring she would be proposing with. with a cinematic view of mountains and lush forest around them, they got engaged. in a more fair world, i would’ve been at the wedding. tons of other people would have been at the wedding. i know the situation behind why that couldn’t be, and i just feel bad they had to go through it. i can’t imagine having to beg my parents to be at my wedding. i hope they never have to beg for support like that again. anyways.

my middle school turned adult best friend sent me the link to the pictures this morning. no school because one instructor is sick and i have online exams in the others, so i slept in as long as possible. i’m still in bed right now typing this. i went through every picture, them glowing like fairies in white dresses and my grimy reflection peering back in the darker photos. i don’t feel one drop of anger or jealousy. i just can’t stop looking at how beautiful they are together. they used to be so unhappy separately. i don’t know first hand for one, but i do for the other. she was self-conscious and self-loathing. now she looks like a fucking model and i honestly want to be jealous but i can’t because she’s so happy!!! there is more happiness in one of her smiles now than i saw in all the years prior combined. i want to keep seeing them smile.

someday they might move away to the mountains they love more than this honestly disgusting city. i know they’ll hate being away from friends and family who stay when they go. part of me wants to pack up with them and move to the closest house to theirs so we’ll always be neighbors, but i don’t know where my husband and i’s cards will fall. i just hope until the time comes and they go, i keep getting to be a part of their happiness. i love them so much!!!

[lanawinters-ily]

The Cracks of a Broken Heart

Lana & you share everything with each other, but what if she is hiding something? What if you change this forever?

Pairing: Lana Winters x Reader (platonic??)

Word count: 900

Warnings: my raw emotions hehe

(this gif 🥺 my poor baby)

Lana felt like a walking cliché at this point. God, how could she be so very stupid. It was hard enough being a secret lesbian in the 40s, surrounded by homophobia & shame over homosexuality everywhere she turned. And now she had fallen completely for the one person who had always supported her.

She looked over the table at you on the other side, your aura sparkling with pure joy & a beautiful gleaming smile etched across your kind face as you laughed along with the girl beside you. Lana’s gaze always seemed to find you, no matter where you were, or how far away you were, or who you were with. And she resented your addictive nature. It was like a cruel magnet, bonding Lana against her will to the woman that she could never have, but the one who fed her soul in a way that was instinctively primal.

She couldn’t live without you, so her secret love would stay under strict lock & key, the key then thrown into the darkest depths of the oceans to drown in sorrow.

As Lana looked up again from her spiral of self pity, she saw that you had noticed her. Your eyes met in a teasing lock, so intense that Lana felt as if all her emotion was being dragged out of her muddy irises into your own; secret whispers told through a teasing glance. Your happiness was infectious despite her aching chest, so Lana simply smiled in your direction to abate any stalling signs of doubt or anguish across her face. You moved forward, intertwining your long fingers in Lana’s own, a mocking slow dance of platonic affection as you pulled her nearer & whispered,

“I need to tell you something.”

This was not abnormal for your friendship, both of you becoming safes full of confidentiality for each other, Lana’s sexuality being the most valuable gold hidden under a heavy code. You both knew each other like the back of your hand; every secret, every lie, every emotion. Well, except one of course, but Lana had sworn to take that to the grave.

But still she dreamed of your life together. Running away to some deserted field to live in a flower-filled cottage in which you would laugh all day, & cuddle all night. You would bake your own bread & maybe even tend to some animals, or permeate each room with a flock of plants. Lana didn’t care where your hypothetical love would take you both, she just knew that with one look at you as hers, she would be the happiest woman in the world - no riches, or material worth could replace the sheer mountain of love she had carved for you.

“Lana, you’re daydreaming again, save that for your bed sweetheart,” Lana’s heart clenched at the term of endearment, & her pale skin flushed with red at the connotations of bed around you, her creative mind dancing around with suggestive thoughts.

You were now both alone, & had taken both of Lana’s hands in your own as she realised you were slightly sticky with nervous perspiration, & trembling slightly to the touch. You were anxious. Wow, this must be quite the secret to pierce your confident persona. Lana squeezed your fingers reassuringly, the gentle caress a reminder that you were safe with her, & that nothing could ever break your iron-strong bond to each other.

You took a deep breath, & sighed out; “Lana, I’m questioning my sexuality, & you have to keep it a secret.”

Lana’s heart leaped at this admission, the impossibility of your union suddenly shifting to a chance in her mind. All of her dreams raced through her head as she embraced you in a comforting manner, to mask her true elated response.

“Oh love, of course I will. It’s ok, you’re safe with me.” Lana cooed, whilst stroking your cheeks; “How do you feel about it?”

You looked up at her & grinned, saying; “Better now that I’ve told you. There’s this girl that I like who’s in our class,”

Once again, Lana’s lovesick brain took over, odds now narrowed down even further - a lottery turned into a small local draw. Her chances were now narrowed down to a handful of classmates, not that she thought you payed attention to any of them much.

“She’s been questioning too! And we are questioning our feelings for each other, together.”

As suddenly as it had soared, Lana’s heart plummeted towards the concrete below them, anchored by the truth. Her fantasises that floated above her head in a dream-world of heaven dropped back down to Earth, back to reality, back to normality.

The girl was not her. Lana was not certain of much in her life, but her sexuality had been a constant since she was around 10 years old. She was a lesbian, no doubt in her mind. As her English-riddled brain told her, questioning means uncertainty.

Uncertainty means someone else. You belonged to someone else. You shared Lana’s exact dreams, but her face was missing, torn out & obscured by the expression of another.

How does blood pump through the cracks of a broken heart?

Taglist: @ka-s @ninaahs @stayevildarling @babypocahontas @lilypadscoven @winters-witch-bitch @basicasshole @bottom4delia @forevercountess @violentwavesofem0tion @sporadicsupercorpquotesmonger @liberosisaspire @mellowalieneggsknight @supremeinlilac @thecasualgeek1 @lucykilljoy @mrsdeanhoward

[rainbowsky]

To the person who sent me the thousand word essay, if you check out my ask policy I don't publish these kinds of long asks. I used to get tons of them and it got to be too much. Also, a lot of your comments contain anti talking points that I will not publish on my blog. But I can respond to some of the issues you raised.

TW/CW - brief mention of homophobia and suicide.

Basically your message was a sort of cataloguing of your doubts about BJYXSZD. To quote your closing paragraph, "Ah....i am just desperate for them to be a couple after all these months and the bts videos and inteviews, but it just doesn't add up anymore. So, as a confused fan, i thought about seeking reassurance to you."

I don't think it's my place, nor is it really anyone's place, to try to convince you or reassure you that GGDD is real. You will either believe or you won't believe. In my experience, people who are filled with doubts and in need of a steady stream of candies and clues to keep them satisfied are going to find themselves on a constant emotional roller-coaster of euphoria and misery.

Let go of your need for certainty.

As I've said in the past, when you let go of your need for certainty you will find that certainty comes a lot more easily. People who need certainty approach GGDD like a detective agency or a hungry ghost, focusing on their craving for proofs and candies that never quite seem to satiate them, and they miss out on the real joy of just being a fan.

A lot of the doubts you listed are things that don't really fit with why BXG believe BJYXSZD. We don't base our belief on the fact that they did a BL show together. We don't base our belief on the fact that they get along well together. We don't base our belief on candies. We base our belief on the insight we accumulate over a period of time, and that's not something that can be passed on to someone else. It's something everyone has to discover for themselves.

GGDD have nothing to prove. BXG have nothing to prove. We are all just here to enjoy them, love them and support them.

My advice: just relax, let go of your need for certainty, and enjoy GG and DD. Certainty will come or it won't, so there's no need to fret over it.

A couple things I felt the need to respond to:

Hidden relationships

Hidden relationships are totally a Thing in the entertainment industry, of course. Andy Lau with his 24 year hidden relationship is a great example. But you seem fixated on the idea that if GG or DD were hiding a relationship, it must be a heterosexual one.

Heteronormativity is a huge part of why so many fans have a hard time believing that GG and DD could ever be a real couple. There can be endless signs that a man is in a gay relationship and the fans will just dismiss it all, but if that man so much as smiles at a woman, fans are immediately ready to believe he's in love with her. Heterosexuality is seen as the default, and that makes homosexuality invisible to a lot of straight people.

You mentioned Leslie Cheung. I recommend this excellent post if you want to see why the world wasn't ready for him. He was an inspiration to LGBTQ people, without any doubt. I think he was equally a cautionary tale for a lot of people, even if the tragedy of his death wasn't necessarily directly related to his queerness or how he was being treated by the public.

There's a trope in society and in media and entertainment, that queer people are tragic figures. Queer characters are often presented as emotionally and psychologically turbulent people who meet untimely, tragic ends. Queer stories tend to be focused around "the struggle of being queer" and the rejection, fear and bigotry queer people face. The violence, the death, the suicides.

How could this not feed into the fears we have as queer people growing up in an often hostile world? How could a story like Leslie's fail to scare as many people as it inspires?

And besides, there are closeted gay couples in the entertainment industry in China.

I have talked about the whole hidden relationship thing, the whole 'needing to appear single' thing, in the past. You can find some of those posts linked at the end of this one. I've also talked about the pressure to appear single (along with the pressure to enter a straight marriage) previously here.

DD and the anti bullshit you've read

I can tell you've read a lot of anti lies in your travels. You're carrying a lot of the toxic ideas that antis spread online. I'm going to take a wild guess and say you spend most of your time on Twitter and YouTube, where these lies are part of the air people breathe on those platforms.

The rumors of DD being in a relationship with that heiress are nothing but harassment and bullshit. She is a known celebrity stalker who has caused scandals with multiple celebrities. Antis spread those lies because they are harmful to DD, not because they're true. DD denies them because they are false, not because he's got something to hide.

DD has never once been spotted with her. He's never once been photographed with her. There exists in the world exactly zero evidence of any common thread between her and DD. Zero evidence that they've ever even been in the same room together. Zero. There's no candy, nothing.

Meanwhile the candy connecting DD and GG together is so abundant it would put Willy Wonka out of business. There are constant reports of them being seen together, evidence of them being together, etc. Some of that stuff is stalker material that I won't share on my blog - such as DD's suitcase being spotted in GG's car a few days ago - but yeah, if you believe in the stalker heiress BS but not GGDD, that only speaks to your ignorance of the situation.

One of the things I find most frustrating about being a BJYXSZD BXG is that we are constantly characterized as spectacularly naive and deluded, meanwhile it's our most vocal critics - the antis, toxic solos and insecure turtles - who unquestioningly believe anything they read.

As for 22*7, you can always tell a DD anti by their willingness to claim DD should have spoken openly about GG during the whole scandal last year. No one who knows anything about GG and DD or about the situation could say in good faith that DD should have spoken up. I view that whole attitude as a litmus test for who knows and understands and truly supports GGDD, and who is either uninformed or an anti.

You can read more about that here and here.

And no, GG has never issued any statement denying BJYXSZD. Neither of them has.

BJYXSZD is not based on old BTS and interviews

I sometimes get sick of seeing clips and photos and metas about the Untamed, I sometimes get tired of talking about the same old interview clips and BTS. I see these things as ancient history - something fun to visit every now and then, but not where I want to live. I don't base my present belief on any of that. All that stuff can ever really do now is give us background on how things started and give us a bit of insight into how they get along and interact.

No BXGSZD that I know of bases their belief on "old BTS and interviews."

Both GG and DD have interesting new projects and endorsements. There's a ton of new content coming out all the time. We still regularly see new evidence that they're together. The past stuff is just for context.

Wrapping this all up, I'll just reiterate what I said before. No one can, or even should, convince you that GGDD is real. That's something you'll have to make peace with for yourself. If you want to get there faster, just relax and enjoy being a fan, and take some time to learn more about GGDD. Certainty may come in time. If it doesn't, well at least you had fun!

Since you are a newer fan I recommend checking out my BXG glossary, along with my masterlist post for some of the things I've talked about in the past.

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

I’d disagree with the anon that Paul was “incapable” of love, but I do agree he was very distanced, and pretty cruel (to women) when he was younger. (It was unfortunate they bought into the love at first sight myth, but he was also a charmer, and dropped affection and got colder after fucking them.)

But I just can’t see romantic interest on Paul’s end. I’m sure he loved John, but a lot of the “sexual/Romantic evidence” really can just be as construed as platonic love. I feel there may be some confirmation bias looking for “clues”. (Not an attack on anyone, but some of the analysises seem to try too hard, really).

He does make references, with the whole “calling him babe during concerts”, and “in bed” but that could just mean he’s not uncomfortable with coming off “gay”. He has a quote about it somewhere I think. He’s supportive of the community at any rate.

This is kind of my own bias, but at times I think he��plays it up a little during the present day? Again, I’m positive he did love John a lot, but with how he is, a charmer, good at manipulating his image, he knows there is a benefit to building up the “magical” Lennon McCartney dynamic. John’s dead, and the old conflicts have faded, so he has no reason not to. I don’t think he’s anti-social, or a psycho or anything, but he certainly does put a lot of thought into his image, especially now, with how he wants to leave his legacy.

I’m less knowledgeable about John, and the speculation about his mental illnesses, but on his end, I can certainly see it. Maybe he’s just blind, but the looks are very much…yeah. He does seem to rely Paul a lot, and hold him in very high regard (REGARDLESS of what those old male biographers might make of him). You just know he was suffering over Paul, poor bastard.

Not sure if anything happened. I think Paul knew though, and either ignored it, or was kind, knowing John wouldn’t act on it. OR he didn’t notice! With the whole “we shared beds A LOT. you would think he’d make a pass at me, darling~”

I guess that’s how I see it. I don’t really have strong feelings on the nature of their relationship, or want them to be “confirmed”, so I try to be as objective as possible! Not a shipper, but not a male biographer. In fact, I was very put off learning the ship was a thing at first! With every fan base “having to” ship the main male leads, that’s what I thought this was. But after three years, reading actual books, primary stuff, I’ve began to change my mind on its legitimacy, and this was my conclusion. But new information can always change!

(Sorry for the long long analysis, god! I just took my adderall and I should go eat! Feel free to block me for spam/harassment.)

Yeah, this is basically my big mclennon dilemma: did Paul love John?

Of course he loved him, but I mean did he harbour any homosexual feelings towards John - and I just go back and fourth on that a lot.

In my last response to an anon I wasn’t necessarily trying to argue that Paul was romantically/sexually attached to John, because all in all, I don’t believe he did - but it probably came off that way because I didn’t particularly like the way the anon had phrased some stuff (like calling him “a master manipulator” and “incapable of love”) and so I just sort of wanted to show that the relationship was more nuanced then just “john was simping for paul”. My overall point with that response was more so that whilst I think Paul struggles in showing real affection and emotions, I don’t think he was incapable of love prior to Linda. I think he did really love John (in whichever form of love you want to take it: romantically, platonically etc.)

And so my point I guess wasnt so much that Paul was always capable of love (because I think he did at least love his family, his close-friends, probably Jane etc.), but maybe more so that he was always capable of intimacy with another person, though he struggled with it.

But yeah, he was quite cruel to a lot of the girls he slept with in the 60s, but I wouldn’t say that suggests he was incapable of love (i know thats not what you’re saying but other people might interpret it through that lens) I would just say he was young, dumb, ridiculously rich and famous and not emotionally mature enough yet to really empathise with most of those girls. Not trying to completely excuse him, but like, i dunno, i always just try to view people from the most human perspective. Everyones an twat sometimes yknow

I also really struggle to see romance on Pauls behalf towards John - the only times I think “wait but maybe he did fancy john back” is when I read some of his lyrics (like in ‘Coming Up’, ‘Yvonne’s The One’, and to some extent ‘Here Today’ - though I think interpreting Here Today as strictly platonic love is still a valid interpretation). I mentioned this in a different post though, that analysing his lyrics just isnt particularly convincing for me, because it feels more like speculation - and also as someone who does write songs, I know that a lot of lyrics just arent as deep as we wish they were. It is really difficult to be truly introspective and honest in a song, without exaggerating or hyperbolising or fictionalising any autobiographical aspects.

I do see your point with Paul possibly playing up the “Lennon/McCartney m a g i c” - im not entirely sure how much I agree, but I do agree to some extent. I think he’s always been very image conscious, and being in what is probably the all-time most famous pop band definitely wouldve heightened that. Even as a teenager I think he’s always just had this natural charm about him, and that tends to stem I guess from a need to be liked; I think you can see it in every interview he’s ever done to be honest. Its not necessarily a bad thing, (because id take a charmer over a rude knobhead any day) but I guess it sort of just shows that Paul is flawed like everybody else. Also, just read @mothernatures-sons tags and I agree with her - Paul just knows when to be a nice person! Nothing wrong with that! It isnt manipulative like the last anon suggested, its just how most people are: polite :) Ive heard a lot of anecdotes from people who have worked with or met Paul and the majority of them say he was a just a nice guy. Not saying he was never an arsehole (cause yeah he was pretty cruel to those girls in the 60s) but I think overall, hes a pretty good guy 👍

On the other hand though, you could also say that superficial journalists are looking for superficial answers - and Paul knows what the people want to hear. But occasionally ill hear an interview that does seem more intimate then most - I havent listened to it in awhile, but the interview he did with Sean I remember felt more honest to me then most. And when he said he’d like to spend the day “in bed” with John, to me that felt like a genuine and fitting response. Because, whilst it has sexual connotations, it also just feels like he’s saying he’d just like to sit around, chat, dont chat, just whatever with John for a day. Like he would just like another moment of intimacy with him.

I think we are pretty much in agreement on most of this though! At first I was also like “nah, mclennon isnt real, teenage girls just love shipping guys!” (I am a teenaged girl and I can confirm this lol) but then it just sort of became apparent to me through reading more and more about their relationship that there probably was something more on Johns behalf. If John wasnt in love with Paul, then it feels as though a lot of things he said and did just dont add up (the big one for me is him marrying Yoko so soon after Paul married Linda - like I really cannot come up with a heterosexual explanation for that!)

But when it comes to Paul, though ill have moments of doubt, I dont think he was in love with John (homosexually) and I do think a lot of the evidence on Pauls behalf seems like a stretch (but like you, im not having a go at anyone, because I understand that it is easy to carried away, plus its fun - but realistically, most of Pauls evidence just is not convincing to me). He’s comfortable with his sexuality, and I really do try to respect that and not force a gay interpretation of quotes or songs from him, unless it is genuinely making me question his sexuality and mclennon.

PS dont worry, I didn’t take this is spam at all!! And also, I would never block someone just for disagreeing with me! I enjoy discussion and I think its good to engage with people who disagree with you! To be honest, id only block someone if they were purposely being a real arsehole <3

[transsexualhamlet]

the problem with sherlock and watson (yuumori)

Feel free to ignore honestly this is a giant opinionated and not well informed ramble but yeah here it is for those of u that follow me for some reason, this is probably pretty controversial so yeah feel free to scroll past

also spoilers for anime onlys, we’re almost there though

So I’ve been Thinking about these two recently, and yeah, to be fair I’ve literally never read or watched any other adaption of sherlock, so I’m just speaking as to what I can tell, but yeah. I’m not sure at this point if it’s really a complaint or just an observation, but I do have some slightly confounded observations about how things are different from what I expected with them.

Mostly my Confounded Observation is just... Watson is straight?! I don’t mean in a literal way, he definitely has Bi Wife Energy TM but... you know, he’s comparatively straight.

Of course, I understand why the author might want to make sure watson doesn’t really get in the way of sherlock and liam (which is honestly hilarious but understandable) and for the purposes of the story it does make sense, but it’s... you know, again I haven’t consumed literally any other sherlock content so I wouldn’t know but from what I’ve heard watson’s always a flaming homosexual and well, it’s not like this series lacks for those, but?? 

It’s not just that he’s straight in the sense of his sexuality, it’s that... he’s a straight character in the sense that he’s like, normal? Kind of overly normal? I was kind of expecting more out of him, to be honest, and to see him just be like, a functional human being who seems to be doing totally fine in all ways? That... I don’t know, it’s kind of weird. Especially in contrast with Sherlock, who as everyone can tell is violently not doing just fine.

Since this part of the manga will be covered in the anime soon, I think this is timely, but I feel like this is just made painfully obvious when the shit goes down between him and sherlock.

Speaking on the nature of their relationship here, it’s weird. Because you know, the author is clearly going sherliam endgame (istg if they don’t just make it official i cant take this anymore) and I support that lmao, they’re like my favorite dynamic- but yeah, it’s obviously different from the other adaptions, where, you know, sherlock and john are ambiguously gay people.

Like, it’s honestly comical how in this series that is significantly gayer than every other one that watson is so clearly a Heterosexual Man honestly

But Sherlock still, clearly isn’t, and I think there is something to be said about how he feels about John, though of course in the end he... obviously chooses Liam. (and considering John’s kind of ass character in this version, he was right to do so)

I mean, just look at them.

We’ve got this obviously autistic obviously gay man who is violently codependent with this mild mannered british dude. Sherlock’s feelings for this guy are complex, and they’re clearly very different from the ones he has for Liam, but they’re certainly there. Sherlock clearly has no idea of romance, no idea of the boundaries between platonic and romantic relationships (and neither do I, but,,, yeah) and I think what Sherlock feels for Watson is like a queerplatonic relationship, but like.... not reciprocated?? 

It’s so weird for this to be the case, but it so clearly is? In the part where they explore that, it goes into how, like... Sherlock doesn’t really know how to function without Watson, dude’s holding up his entire mental health without even really doing anything, and Sherlock feels fucking awful when he is no longer Watson’s like, #1 person. The fact is, the same thing is going on with him, though they’ve existed like this for years it���s clearly not going to work anymore- Sherlock is basically having to choose between him and Liam, and you know what he’s gonna do. But it’s still an awful feeling for a bond that strong to break.

The thing about it really is that for Watson the tie was never that strong in the first place. Watson is so... without conflict in his character. And this is something that actually honestly bothers me. He’s so lawful good it’s infuriating. He’s steady, he’s calm, he’s rational and he’s emotionally mature, he can manage himself fine and care for everyone he needs to. He’s doing just fine even though Sherlock is caught up in this ridiculous murder drama, and that’s what makes the relationship so... I don’t know, off in this version.

Sherlock needs Watson, and Watson cares about Sherlock, but not nearly to the same extent, and he’s like. Not really doing it right? For someone who’s been with him for presumably years at this point, Watson doesn’t really feel like he knows Sherlock all that well. And that sucks that that’s the truth. 

In every other story with friendship/romance tropes like this, the characters have conflicts like this, but when one person thinks the other doesn’t care for them that way, they’re wrong. It’s like oh no, I’m a burden, I’m being clingy, he’s got a life to get back to and I don’t, I’m too much, he’s better than me etc... those are things Sherlock’s type of character tell themself, but the catch is that’s not actually the case, they’re just Mentally Ill. Having that just... be true in Sherlock’s case is kind of heartbreaking, as much as it’s clearly for the Sherliam agenda.

The problem is just that Watson here is just so lawful neurotypical that he just doesn’t really get Sherlock. He’s got this strict moral code, and he kind of makes it a problem to Sherlock. He says all the things that Sherlock would expect everyone to say, but it’s not what you’re supposed to say, you know? He’s all like murder is bad stop doing that I won’t be your friend if you shoot people we don’t do that >:(, be civil be nice stop putting yourself in danger Don’t Do Drugs etc etc. You know, of course that’s sensible information, but it’s... not what he needs to fucking hear? That’s like the school counselor going hey guys, just say no :D THAT DOESN’T WORK. And you’d think that Watson would get this by now? All it’s doing is hurting him more. It’s genuinely making me dislike Watson, and that’s not something I want to do.

I think it works for the purposes of this specific narrative, because they don’t want to create problems with Watson being left behind, they want to say that he’ll be fine on his own so that it will all work out fine. And yeah, of course I want that, I don’t want there to have to be conflict of sacrificing John’s emotions for Liam, but I feel like they didn’t have to sacrifice John’s character for him. 

This series could have a Watson who cares deeply about Sherlock and has some weaknesses and conflicting emotions about him without them being romantic. We haven’t seen how Watson dealt with Sherlock’s “death” yet, I don’t think, but... I don’t really like the thought that this Watson would honestly be fine. He’d be sad, he’d be mad, but he’d get over it and get on with his life and is objectively in a better situation without Sherlock. Yeah, I just... don’t like that.

I want to see a Watson who understands Sherlock. Isn’t that what he’s supposed to be? I want to see a Watson who cares for Sherlock so much that he has to make hard decisions, that he has to make the wrong decisions sometimes, that he has internal conflict because of it. I want a Watson who gets that Sherlock is nothing without him, who gets what’s going on with him and Liam, who’s trying to help him and keep him on track and maybe failing. I want a Watson who’s genuinely conflicted about leaving Sherlock for Mary because he knows it will hurt him, who worries about his ability to take care of everybody, who shows his problems from you know, being in a literal war, who wonders how to portray Sherlock in his books. We can have that without losing Sherliam, man. He doesn’t have to be Hideyoshi Nagachika (god, no one needs to go thru that shit), he just has to have at least a bit of emotion, bro. I want to see a Watson who’s struggling with what to do. Like. Even once. 

Instead we have this. This dude who is just... a nice, rather clueless guy who helps out sometimes and who’s just a bit too much of a rule follower to fit into a story like yuumori.

Sorry to just complain on main here I just think he was done a bit dirty here and it’s bothering me, if u have thoughts or info about other portrayals feel free to hmu i have become a bIT hyperfixated

[maraudersbutmuggle]

Sirius is Disowned, Part 2. Check out Part 1.

London, July 26th of July, 2012. Content Warning: Toxic Masculinity, Homophobia, Violence, Physical Abuse. Sirius had been wearing the ring that Alphard gave him with pride. Actually, it looked pretty cool on him. Sirius saw his Uncle in a family dinner the day before he left for Rome. He had told everyone that he had business there. He didn't explain any further. Nobody questioned Alphard. Well except one person: Orion. Sirius couldn't pinpoint why his father hated Alphard so much. "I don't blame him, Sirius" Alphard had once answered, "We were horrible to him, me and Cygnus, when we were children. We never liked him" And Orion always repeated that Alphard was a bad influence on Sirius. That made Sirius like Alphard even more. But after his departure, Orion still didn't shut up about it. Sirius had been counting the days for the summer to be over and go back to Hogwarts. Regulus had recommended staying low, and trying to be nice. Sirius was following his brother's advice. But only because he wanted to ask permission to spend the rest of the summer at The Potters'. Perhaps if his parents were in a good mood, he might have a chance. So he was silent at dinner. Sirius was trying to ignore what his parents said. "I'm am so proud of you Reggie, darling" Walburga was saying "Being prefect is an honor" Of course Regulus, the good and perfect son, had gotten the perfect badge a few days ago. Sirius' exams results weren't bad. But nobody noticed that. "Thank you, mother" Regulus answered embarrassed. "Were you prefect, mother?" Sirius asked without thinking. He indeed needed magic to shut his mouth. Walburga's smile disappeared. Orion dropped his fork on the table, making Sirius' jump. Orion had the ability of losing patience easily. "I was just simply asking" Sirius said looking down. "No" Walburga answered, taking a sip of her wine "I wasn't a prefect. Neither do you, so..." Sometimes Walburga acted like a child. Sirius felt like she was constantly provoking him. Making him explode. They fought, Sirius said something stupid. And that's when Orion intervene. One punch or slap made Sirius finally shut up. Always the same. "I was..." Orion interrupted "I used to follow you everywhere, just to make sure you didn't get into trouble" he took a bite of his food "Remember that, darling?" Walburga seemed uncomfortable. She gave her husband a little smile. Sirius tried so hard not to roll his eyes. "Well, today we are talking about Regulus" She said "Samantha more wine" she raised her glass. As Samantha brought the bottle quickly, Sirius noticed Orion was getting furious. He detested it when Walburga drank. Sometimes Walburga liked contradicting her husband. Sometimes Walburga liked contradicting everyone. "Amm... Actually is not a big deal" Regulus said "I don't know what the fuzz is about..." Reggie was shy and nervous when Orion was around. He was afraid of him. Sirius feared him too, but unlike Regulus, he couldn't control what he said. "Of course is a big deal, darling" Walburga stroked Reggie's hair. She'd never done that with Sirius. Sirius tried to ignore that. Everything was fine. Perhaps they would let him go to The Potters' if he was nice. He was cutting his meat, when Orion spoke again, and he jumped. "What is that?" Sirius took a while to learn, Orion was talking to him. His father pointed to his new ring. "Oh... am just a ring..." Sirius murmured, putting the hand under the table. "What was that?" Orion spoke louder. One time, Orion had told Sirius that men never spoke between teeth. Always loud and clear. "A ring, sir" Sirius spoke up, wondering why the hell Orion never bothered Regulus. Just him. Orion laughed "Why does it look familiar?" Sirius saw Walburga's expressionless face, and Regulus' concerned one. Looking at him. Sirius swolled. Be nice. Be nice. Be nice. "It was my Uncle Alphard's" Sirius expected some yelling. But Orion simply snorted. He didn't say anything to Sirius. Which was a relief. But Orion turned to Walburga. "Speaking of Alphard, Wally. What do you think he is

doing in Rome? Suspicious isn't it?" Orion continued the conversation as if they were two old ladies, gossiping. Walburga smiled "How the hell should I know, darling" she spat "I don't control what my brother does" "Well you know my theory, darling..." "What theory?" Fuck, Sirius didn't learn, did he? But what else could he do if they were talking about Alphard. When Orion turned to look at him, he added "Sir?" "It's stupid..." Walburga began. But Orion raised his hand and she was interrupted. "It's okay, Wally" Orion said "I think it is rightful to tell our children what their uncle is really like..." "You have no proof, Orion" Walburga clenched her teeth. "Anyway, I think Sirius deserves to know Alphard is not the person he thinks" Orion smiled evilly "What are you talking about?" At this point, Sirius couldn't shut his mouth. "Orion..." "Alphard uses drugs, parties, drinks and has sex with random people and hookers" Walburga rolled her eyes as if she didn't believe it. "With men" Orion added. Regulus almost choked with his food. A million thoughts ran through Sirius' mind. Especially all that Alphard said the day he said goodbye. How he regretted his choices. How he tried to convince Sirius to be himself no matter who he felt attracted to. Did this mean that Orion was right? "That's not true!" Sirius spatted angrily. Sirius had been raised following strictly what The Bible said. Sirius still remembered what his nanny Mrs. Syre used to said about gay people. "Those bloody homosexuals. We need to pray that they end up in hell, where they belong". But it was 2012. Sirius had learned to be respectful. Albus Dumbledore the headmaster of Hogwarts was gay. Edgar Bones, his classmate was gay. Sirius knew what gays were like. Feminine and all. Alphard wasn't like that. "It is, son" "You have no proof" Orion laughed "Why the hell do you think Alphard hasn't married?" "He is a free spirit!" "Is that what he told you?" Orion laughed "How innocent..." "Mother say something!" Sirius protested Walburga continued to drink her wine. Sirius sighed. "Reggie?" Regulus blinked. "You like Uncle Alphard, don't you?" "Uncle Alphard is nice" Regulus muttered "Your bloody uncle is corrupting your minds...." Orion pointed at them with his fork, angrily "He is a fucking faggot, And if you spend a lot of time with him, he will turn you into that..." "THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS! THAT'S HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING!" Sirius was losing his bloody temper. He stood up. "SIRIUS SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN" Walburga warned. Eyes full of hate. "How can you be so calm, Walburga?" Sirius pointed to his father "He is insulting your brother" "THAT'S IT EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Walburga yelled, she turned to Sirius "And you have no right to treat me like that, young man" "Apologize to your mother!" Orion yelled "Apologize for what you said about my Uncle!" Sirius yelled back. Orion stared at Sirius with eyes full of venom. "All you have to do is behave like a proper man. Like a proper Black" "Maybe I don't want to!" "ORION, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Walburga roared "You just hate that your ego is hurt" "This is what I been telling you, Wally!" Orion protested "Sirius had spent too much time with Alphard. He had changed. He is becoming rebel and responding... Look at that hair, is too long..." "What the hell does that mean?" "Maybe he's turning you into a puff..." Sirius was trembling with rage. Orion was saying lies about Alphard. And now about himself. Sirius thought about what Alphard told him. How he shouldn't let them mold him the way they want. How Alphard admired him for speaking up for the things he didn't like. Sirius thought about Remus. How he was different. He was special. And there was nothing wrong with him. Perhaps Alphard was different as well. Perhaps he was different too. "Maybe I am a puff" At that moment, he mostly said it to provoke Orion. And he reacted, because he threw his glass against the wall, breaking it into a million pieces. Everyone jumped. Walburga yelled. "What did you say?" Everyone

in their right mind would say sorry, and not speak again. Regulus was asking him exactly that with his pleading eyes. But Sirius was out of his mind. Or he just didn't care anymore. Or he was an idiot. "I said that maybe I am a puff" he repeated more clearly "Sir..." Sirius felt Orion's fist on his face before anything. He was on the floor. Nose and lip bleeding. He wanted to cry so badly but the tears didn't come out. Orion grabbed him by his shirt. His face was red with fury. "You were supposed to come out right!" Orion said desperately "You were supposed to be the heir!! You cannot be a faggot. Tell me you are not one!!" Sirius was definitely an idiot. "I am a faggot" his voice was hoarse and he coughed blood. But Orion was hitting him again. All that Sirius could see between punches, was Regulus crying and begging. "PLEASE FATHER STOP! PLEASE STOP!" And Walburga. Walburga was next to Regulus. Her face didn't flick or show emotion. She just stood there supporting Regulus and watching all. I give up. Sirius thought. Now I know there's no sign of love. They don't love me. Never did.

[zombiegurlmode]

Sad that Camren Shippers are to blame. But alas, scape goats are necessary for someone to thrive

I’m not done ranting apparently. Clearly, after all of my satirical nature has come to pass, truth of the matter is, for someone who spoke so openly and highly of valuing love and honesty and all that jazz. Your words cut deeper than any knife could. And for someone who openly “claims” of being a part of the LGBT+ community, (whereas the numbers are thriving so much that more letters are added and we’re almost about to fill in the entire alphabet) we have yet to receive such a backlash coming from “supposedly” one of us. Imagine the horror right? True, perhaps your words may have been misconstrued by the public at large or twisted in some form to suit everyone’s selfish needs. I mean after all, isn’t that what camren shippers are called for - delusional AF and toxic as hell. Well, we don’t deny it and couldn’t deny the fact that yes, there are plenty of us who are quite enthusiastic to a fault. Honestly, tell me in what space or bygone era have toxic people never appeared in. Truth of the matter is, it’s how you deal with things and toxicity that affect each and everyone of us. Happiness is only a matter of possessing the right attitude. And no one, not any one, can take that away from you. Not even hardships.

There are several things I would like to personally address though. Camren shippers most likely than not have in some way or the other connected with you. We all something that we could relate to, From your internalized phobia, or from you getting to finally openly admit your own sexuality and fully embracing it wonderfully, or some other things that the others felt truly connected or as you love to so put it “resonate” with you. So don’t blame your fans if they are passionate in expressing themselves because all humans have escapism in them. And to some, perhaps, this is the only means they have some semblance of control to freely express themselves openly. No one is undermining your hardship when you were outed, or that fact that you were bullied for it, or pressured to act in a certain acceptable way so you may be deemed as socially normal “acceptable” human being, whereas all you truly deserve was love and compassion. But I would like to remind you of one very fine detail. When you were outed, camren shippers were there to support you. Because they (wasn’t here yet when it happened so I can’t include myself) understood well above and beyond that what you encountered was so horrendous. You were cheated and robbed of that one pleasure and right given to every LGBT+ member to pride on - the true nature of coming out. See the thing is, the homophobes corrupted the words coming out so much that even as LGBT+ members sometimes forget the true existence of it. it’s not about public declaration or waving the flag, or marching in rainbows, or stamping a giant sign across your forehead declaring that you’re a proud, frolicking, fun-loving, women-loving lesbian (or in any way the others identify themselves as). No! Coming out and its true nature is simply coming to terms with yourself on your own pace and leisure. So truly I am sorry that you have been cheated out of this privilege. But it wouldn’t be fair for you to lump it together with your emotions and throw it at your brethren (if you even consider us as such). Perhaps, that is not your intention. Just to be clear, I am not invaliding how you’ve felt or how you’re feeling now. No one has the power to do that to someone else - I’m referring to telling others how to feel. Yet the message we perceived is quite clear. That we, as a collective known as Camren Shippers, who “supposedly” belong to the LGBT+ community (ok, maybe not all of us. that’s too presumptive on my part) and pride on understanding your own volitions caused this very volitions to surface or in your words “manifest” in you. We are the hindrances that robbed you of your chance to have a decent flirtation towards the same sex. Ironically speaking, Camren Shippers were the ones also on the forefront of defending your honor when some boy belonging to a particular boy band along with his bandmates ridiculed and degraded your feminine existence simply because they thought they were joking around. I mean aren’t jokes like that - it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Jokes most often than not are made at the expense of others. Doesn’t make it any less right, but then again who are we to blame them for something they thought of as a joke. Let’s all face it people, we are all guilty of this act. And yet, the CS never did falter. Carrying their banners of delusions and brandishing their armors of grandeurs, all in the name sake of defending someone who is belittled for the sake of “fun and games”. Even after deliberately attacking the CS for their enthusiasm and calling it invasive, they were still there for you especially so when they saw how pressure started affecting you. They were always so attuned to you that they were the first to notice signs that you may possibly be queer or you may possibly be undergoing some form of inner conflict. They all wish you good health and as you put it in words “send their love to you” so you may never feel alone enduring all this pain. And now imagine the heartache that every shipper might or might not be going through right now. Because apparently, that same support that they have been sending you is perceived as pain and suffering from your end. How would you feel if the very thought that the love and adoration you have causes someone pain and insecurity? So far, all that you have discussed is the negativity that surrounds an apparent DEAD SHIP. Negativity? Sounds familiar right? You preach on it on numerous occasion. You even wrote a song 50FT. Maybe you should be the one to listen on your own attunement. You brought so much negativity on the topic whereas it was meant to be about your coming out. Again, sorry that you’re coming out seemed more like a burden than liberation for you. And again, I apologize that we are the reason behind it.

Just to clarify. We never undermined your suffering. We know all too well the pain that one undergoes in this journey called self discovery of one’s true sexuality. To be honest, those of us who fear coming out or being outed because of rejection, bullying, disowning, we are the lucky ones. There are some of us who undergo far more threats by simply accepting who they truly are. They fear for the safety of their family, they fear for their own safety, they fear the valid threats of rape and degradation and being treated as if you are worse than animals. There are those individuals where the very soil that they stood upon view homosexuality as ILLEGAL and violation of such law would yield severe punishments. So tell them, tell them that they don’t know the risks, the pains, the sufferings, the deteriorations of ones’ sanities, tell them that they don’t understand it because all they ever care about is Camren. Tell them that they’re only glimmer of hope on priding on someone that may have found what they yearn for is invalid. Tell them that living vicariously on your life brings so much distraught on your otherwise calm existence. Tell them that and they have been the first ones to apologize that you felt that way. Because I’ve read their posts and I’ve felt their pains. And we are sorry to cause you so much pain.

I will remind you. No one forced you to audition for xfactor in the pursuance of your dream. You even have the support of your family for your journey. And we are all grateful that you did. Otherwise, we may not even have bothered you so much. Otherwise, we may not even know that you existed. So let me remind you that the industry you belong to - spotlight is king. So don’t go complaining if your put under the it - that’s the point of the industry my dear, the limelight. I’m a purchaser, I can’t complain if my daily tasks comprise of purchasing goods. Otherwise, I have no business being a purchaser. I’m clearly in the wrong field if I felt that way. So it wouldn’t be fair to tell your fans (if you even consider us as such) to blame us for putting you under the spotlight. May I make a suggestion? Try holding a concert without the lights on next time. You do have sensitive eyes because of the lack of melanin in your eyes. We get that.

Also, you know Becky G never did mention about camren. You brought it up on your own. Just like you’ve given us “it’s camren yo!”. You did say and i quote (uh oh i’m sure going to butcher this. I failed in quoting people all the time) “i don’t really talk about it” and then preceded to have entire litany about camren and whatnot. Ok, I get it, it was part of your coming out process. Cool. Then you’ve touched upon how reading fanfics have ruined you. And made you feel like a predator. Firstly, camren fanfics are intended for shippers only. Like all mediums, they have their own specific intended audieces. For you to wander into uncharted terrains, you must have understood the risks it entails. I don’t know which ones you’ve read, but most fics from decent authors have disclaimer on them. Did you even bother reading the disclaimer? On the onset of something that made you feel awkward or uncomfortable or disturbing, you should’ve stopped on your own and never be bothered with it again. That’s the usual thing to do. If any human find something or someone repulsive, they would ceased to seek it. But it bothered you so much and made you feel like a predator then you’ve read the entirety of it (maybe i’m exaggerating, ok a good chuck of it, sounds better?) Well someone did tell me it could have been born out of curiosity. Yeah curiosity did kill the cat, you know? Unless of course you’re a masochist, then now I finally understand and I have nothing more to add.

So for my parting words, I would again extend my deepest, sincerest apology I could muster in my current sane state for being the cause and hindrance for your inner peace and wellbeing. I am not mocking you. This is just the nature I write. Troublesome, I know. But I’m being honest. If my being a fan of you, and shipping you in our own little niche, caused you so much pain and suffering then I respect your wishes. It would be foolish of me to continue pouring my support to you when all along I’m actually doing the opposite and harming you in the process. I mean what decent human being would like to inflict pain unto others. So in honor of my last words relating to your brand Lauren Jauregui or the very dead ship that apparently troubled you so much, I bid you the very best. May you flourish on your career and find inner peace and true happiness forever and always. I would not like to be a fan of any brand that I’m the apparent cause whether directly or indirectly impedes in attaining their endeavors. All the best in your album release and who knows maybe I’ll stumble upon your music again someday. 

[yourdadsghoulfriend]

In light of these recent anons, it’s time for

Post-Trauma Storytime

Triggers include: verbal, mental, emotional, and physical abuse/ stalking/ threats/ sexual harassment/ gaslighting/ et al.

So back in 2016, I was a young and naive homosexual who was starting to date more. I came across a man named Aziz who was very persistent. He would go on praising me, talking about lifting (he was the 6th greatest body builder in his 250+ lb weight class in the world), etc. and at the time while I felt obligated to answer all messages that came my way, I was flattered to be noticed by this Adonis of a man.

Some time later Hurricane Matthew blew through Florida and everyone was sheltered at home. Turns out, it passed us with only minimal damage and after wasting some 36-hours alone at home, Aziz reached out at asked to go to dinner.

We ended of going to a restaurant and he procedes to order for me. I’m taken aback but fine with his choices. I thought it wasn’t worth fighting over and just politely say I’m probably going to order a beer next time. He begins what would be a night full of subtle insults towards me.

At one point he answers some texts on his phone for some time and finally says, “oh it’s just my ex-wife, don’t worry, I’m in the process of divorcing her, I just used her for a green card.”

The red flags aren’t even beginning to stop there.

Finally towards the end of the meal, I go to the bathroom. I come back out and he motions to leave.

“Wait, we haven’t paid yet!”

He mutters something like, don’t worry or I’ve got it, grabs my arm and yanks me away.

He wants to go dancing and having thouroughly had my fill of him enough, I implore I’m tired and am just going to go home. He’s persistent and says I have to go, but I stand my ground and share it’s late and I have to wake up early in the morning.

Some time passes and over course of the next few days, he keeps pestering me for a second date. I insist I’m not interested and he suggests sex instead. I’m still not interested and it escalates

“Well then you owe me $42.”

I’m taken aback and ask for what? He explains for my part of the dinner and says I either pay up or put out.

I can’t believe this is happening and refuse saying I never asked him to do so and block him.

Shortly after he finds me on Facebook. Instagram. LinkedIn. The messages continue with increasing frustration. At one point I swore I saw his car parked at the edge of my work’s parking lot, and enough was enough.

I wrote him saying I’m not paying, and I owe him nothing. This didn’t sit well and he proceeds to threaten me, “well, Orlando’s a small town and I’m sure I’ll see you around to get my money one way or another.”

Enough was enough. I wrote this message to him and sent it to him:

He stopped after that and I never heard from him again.

Since then I’ve been very reluctant to date and put myself out there. I’m still apprehensive with men in all aspects of my life. It’s only gotten worse as the last few men I’ve dated have all been abusive to their own extent.

In a way, I’ve been scarred.

It’s hard for me to open up to strange men. I’m wary of compliments from them. I’m increasingly uneasy when being flirted with. I have issues with trust and vulnerability, even with men who are obviously only platonic friendships.

Thankfully I’m working through it. Tumblr is a great resource for slowly opening up more and practicing vulnerability in the vacuum of a safe and supportive space of people you don’t know in real life.

That’s not without limits. For the sake of my mental health, I will often forego answering any asks or messages. I will practice space and distance. I do not owe anyone anything.

So for the recent abrasive, abusive, overly demanding, and overly sexual anonymous messages, understand my outlook. I will continue my healing for myself, and I will not be deterred by your projection and manipulation.

[woman-loving]

Impacts of Attitudes Toward Bisexuals: Passing, Denial, and Invisibility

Selection from "Inside, Outside, Nowhere: Bisexual Men and Women in the Gay and Lesbian Community," Kirsten McLean, Journal of Bisexuality, 8, 1-2, 2008

Knowledge of the exclusion of bisexual men and women within the gay and lesbian community has a significant impact on bisexual men and women who look to this community for support. Many of the participants in my research were well aware that bisexuality was not seen favorably by some members of the gay and lesbian community, and though they participated in parts of the community, they were well aware that revealing their bisexuality could be a problem in certain spaces. Several participants who participated in the gay and lesbian community acknowledged the difficulties of telling some gay men and lesbians they were bisexual, and said they often hid their bisexuality and let others assume they were lesbian or gay.Barbara (age 54) admitted to letting assumptions that she was a lesbian slide for fear of exclusion: “I wouldn’t dare deny people’s assumptions that I am a lesbian, because I’d be alienated. I just want to blend in.” Fiona (age 26) was more explicit, telling people she was lesbian rather than bisexual: “I say I’m a lesbian, but I’m not really proud of that at all. I feel it’s about how I’m positioning myself at the time, and I’m going there because I like girls, not because I like guys. But it could backfire one day.” Aaron (age 23) preferred the rather ambiguous term of queer in some contexts: “If it’s the campus group, I identify first as queer and second as bisexual. Sometimes people assume I’m gay and it’s not an issue. I don’t correct them anymore, although I used to.”

Several of these participants acknowledged that passing as gay or lesbian compromised their sense of identity as bisexual but felt it was necessary to avoid being ostracised from the gay and lesbian community altogether. Nathan (age 22) expressed this well when he said: “I feel a lot of the time I have to hide my bisexuality to be a part of the community. I guess I’m not really being honest about who I am. I find a lot of gay men are really misogynistic, which makes me uncomfortable—and less likely to come out as bi to them.” Hiding one’s bisexuality when participating in the gay or lesbian communities is nothing new; in their research conducted in the 1970s, Blumstein and Schwartz (1976a, b) found that bisexual men and women often reacted to hostility from the homosexual community by suppressing their bisexuality, or at the very least their interests in the opposite sex. Recent research argues that being aware of negative stereotypes of bisexual people sometimes discouraged bisexual women from self-identifying as bisexual for fear of loss of legitimacy and efficacy, fear of shame, and fear of negative consequences. This in turn sustains the invisibility and “cultural anonymity” of bisexual women (Ault, 1996, p. 318).

Some of the participants in my research preferred to “blend in” with the gay and lesbian community by passing as gay or lesbian, or let assumptions of being gay or lesbian slide without challenging the truthfulness of these assumptions. However, others stated that if they were asked, they would identify themselves as bisexual. For example, one female participant said: “Normally I would let people make their own decisions about me and I wouldn’t hide my male partner, but I wouldn’t volunteer that I have one straight away” (Sharon, age 31). Few of the participants in my research who were involved in the gay and lesbian community openly identified as bisexual within the gay and lesbian community or challenged assumptions that they were gay or lesbian. Instead, maintaining a gay or lesbian persona was seen as necessary to protect oneself from judgement, discrimination,and conflict with others in the gay and lesbian community.

Not being truthful about one’s bisexuality, however, creates significant issues for bisexual men and women. Having different personas, often with conflicting values and ideas, and having to act in different ways in different contexts, does little to help maintain a healthy bisexual identity (McLean,2001). Furthermore, dishonesty or secrecy about “key areas of one’s life create a distance from other people, preventing potentially enriching experiences” (George, 1993, p. 104). This is an issue of some concern in light of recent Australian research by Jorm, Korten, Rodgers, Jacomb, and Christensen (2002) that found that bisexuals overall have a lower level of mental health as compared with homosexuals and heterosexuals.

The researchers inferred that feelings of stigma or experiences of discrimination, which were not measured, may play a part in this.The health effects described above are only one possible consequence of repressing one’s bisexual identity. Israel and Mohr (2004) argued that antibisexual attitudes themselves can have negative impacts on bisexuals:

“Negative attitudes create a context of hostility for bisexual men and women than can affect many areas of their lives. ... Such experiences with negative attitudes may adversely affect mental health and well-being of bisexual individuals. ... Internalization of such negative attitudes by bisexual individuals may create a barrier to developing a positive bisexual identity.” (p. 119)

Research on antibisexual attitudes towards bisexual women argues that these “cast doubt on the existence of authentic bisexual experience and identity  by  providing  alternative  explanations  for  apparent  bisexuality” (Rust, 1993, p. 226). These doubts can also be internalised by bisexual men and women via what Weinberg et al. (1994) called “continued uncertainty” that can persist even after accepting that one is bisexual. According to Weinberg et al., this “continued uncertainty” is expressed in the frequent questioning of the validity of one’s bisexual identity and continual doubts about whether one is “really” bisexual. Furthermore, support and understanding are crucial to the development and maintenance of a healthy bisexual identity. Allowing people to assume one is heterosexual, gay, or lesbian rather than bisexual means that one cannot begin to find the support,acceptance, and validation necessary to develop a fully integrated sexual identity. Without this, many bisexual men and women continue to feel uncertain, embarrassed, ashamed, or guilty about their emotional and/or sexual attractions to men and women.

CONCLUSION Although participants in my research were more likely to go to community events and gay and lesbian nightclubs than get involved in gay and lesbian groups, there are also large numbers of gay men and lesbians who do not actively participate in the gay and lesbian community. The reason for such low levels of participation by Australian bisexual men and women in the Australian gay and lesbian community, however, could be attributed to the antibisexual attitudes that were considered, by many participants, to exist in the gay and lesbian community. It could be suggested that participants’ ambivalence towards the gay and lesbian community may have come from a perception that they would be excluded or discriminated against because they were bisexual, not merely because of a lack of interest in participation.

Bisexual men and women are therefore less likely to participate in a space where it is known that others have experienced rejection, or where they envisage they may be unwelcome. When participants did get involved in the gay and lesbian community, their experiences were mixed, and participants held considerable fears and suspicions about the attitudes of members of the Australian gay and lesbian community towards bisexuality as a whole. As a result, few had direct contact with gay men and lesbians in organizational or community group settings with which to experience positive reinforcement or acceptance of their bisexuality.

The belief that bisexuality is not accepted within the Australian gay and lesbian community also explains why many participants in my research preferred to “blend” into the gay and lesbian community; when attending events and festivals, or going out on the gay and lesbian scene, participants were assumed to be lesbian or gay (or sometimes, heterosexual), and few challenged these assumptions. Participants felt that openly identifying as bisexual among gay men and lesbians would lead to them being ostracized, or denied a space in which to express their same-sex desires in a safe and supportive environment. The risk of losing access to that space was seen as far greater than any risks associated with suppressing and hiding their bisexuality. As a consequence, the tendency for bisexual men and women to suppress their identity to fully participate in the gay and lesbian community reinforces the idea that bisexuality does not exist in the first place—therefore confirming the illegitimacy of bisexual identity as a whole. This significantly contributes to the invisibility of bisexuality on the sexual landscape and also has a number of implications, beyond the scope of this article, on the ability for bisexual men and women to activate for greater inclusion within the gay and lesbian community.

Overall, the participants in my research had a complex relationship with the Australian gay and lesbian community. By participating in the gay and lesbian community either by “passing” as gay or lesbian or letting assumptions of homosexuality slide, they were able to gain “insider” status in that community by being seen to identify in the same way as other members of this group. However, a revelation of their bisexuality within this context was seen to put this “insider” status at risk, and therefore participants were often involved in the gay and lesbian community without being completely honest about their bisexuality, as well as other elements of their lives such as their relationships. As a result, participants also played the role of “outsider,” making it difficult for them to feel a real sense of belonging in the gay and lesbian community. The “catch-22” of these tensions is that by believing they would not be fully accepted by the gay and lesbian community, many of the bisexual men and women interviewed were reluctant to participate in this community in the first place, at least on more than a social level, and many harbored rather ambivalent feelings about the gay and lesbian community itself—thus reinforcing their status as “outsiders” to the gay and lesbian community.

[bigfan-fanfic]

High School Musical feels to me like a very gay narrative, and doing a close reading reveals this fact. Long post ahead, with analysis of lyrics and story beats that contribute to a queer reading of the story

Basically, Troy is the repressed gay who hides in the closet, and Gabriella is the outcast nerd who is just discovering the gay, never knowing before then how she doesn't fit in. She talks about how she has been outcast before, because she was different. While in and of itself this is not particularly specific to the queer experience, Gabriella’s journey of becoming comfortable in her skin is prevalent to the story and a queer reading of HSM. Likewise, Troy’s growth in his confidence to do what he wants even though it’s easier and more comfortable to bow to societal pressure is also queer in its telling.

In "Start of Something New,” they both have that realization that this thing they're feeling is so right for them, they feel a belonging. :It feels so right/to be here with you” and “I feel in my heart/the start of something new” seems less to me an anthem for love at first sight and more simply the recognition of this feeling of attraction to someone - and despite Troy and Gabriella being ostensibly cishet, the combination of this song and the use of drama/the arts as a stand in for homosexuality in this reading make it feel as though both are nervous but excited in discovering their queerness - another interesting thing is that each of the love songs in HSM are gender neutral, and thus play the same if sung by two people of the same gender as by a hetero couple.

This moment is a growth for Gabriella’s queer journey - prior to the song, she is nervous and afraid to socialize, but afterwards she is open and excited to discuss with Troy their experience and be friendly. Troy is a little more closed-off, foreshadowing his journey of trying to stay in the closet - he makes a point of saying how this was something he’s never done before and is not a typical part of his character.

They meet later, and Gabriella's a little more confident, although not technically "out" yet - she doesn’t hide her interest in the “singing thing” and though she doesn’t want to be seen as the Freaky Math Girl, she does have no qualms about showing off her intelligence in class. Basically, despite this being a new territory for her, she is more comfortable in her skin. Troy, meanwhile, basically thinks about his gay experience but hides back in the comfortable closet, returning to being a jock’s jock and ridiculing Ryan and Sharpay, the story’s flamboyant representations of the “out” gays.

Ryan and Sharpay are interesting villains, and they read to me as what might be termed the LGBT+ gatekeepers, since we have drama/the arts as our allegorical stand-in for the queer community. Ryan and Sharpay are unapologetically gay, but they are also used to the ostracism they recieve and thus as a reaction, they have become fiercely protective of their safe space - Sharpay’s fear of the musical being taken over here reads as the worry of LGBT spaces being co-opted and appropriated by cishet people and thus returning them to marginalization.

The song "What I've Been Looking For" is a big jazzy pop number for out gays Ryan and Sharpay, further referencing their absolute comfort in who they are. However, when Troy and Gabriella sing it, it's a soft romantic ballad because they're still on the journey to discovery of their queerness. The lyrics are really gay in "thought I was alone/with no one to hold/but you were always there beside me" - the song is about finding a love when you thought you never could, and if that doesn't scream gay I don't know what does. Despite Kelsi’s insistence that Troy and Gabriella’s way is how it is “supposed” to be sung, the song works just as well as a hopeful romantic tune about the future as it does a celebration of finding acceptance of any kind, even platonic. Again there’s a reference to “this feeling like no other” - this song follows up “Start of Something New” as a continuation of the journey to self-acceptance, and speaks of finding comfort in the experience of meeting those like oneself -  “I never had someone/that knows me like you do/they way you do.”

“Get’cha Head in the Game” is here to show the environment Troy lives in - he’s being constantly pressured, and the song is fast paced and imperative. It also provides a contrast in lyric theme, referring to the “head” instead of feelings and heart. Troy’s tonal shift in the middle of the song where he sings about his heart feels like now that he’s had this gay experience and knows this truth about himself, he can’t go back fully into the closet.

The posting of the callback list feels very much to me like Troy and Gabriella being publically outed as queer. When Troy and Gabriella are "outed," there is a reaction of support and others "coming out" in solidarity, but those voices are shouted down by those seeking not to upset the status quo. The song is chaotic and loud, with walls being broken down and students from different groups merging - Chad mentions later in dialogue that the social hierarchy is breaking down. Interestingly enough, despite the general tone of the song being disapproving and admonishing, everybody joins in the dance and shows support, until Sharpay literally shouts everybody down. This kinda feels to me like saying that the majority of people would be accepting and tolerant, except for a minority of vocal voices who dominate the conversation and push their agenda of hatred.

Homophobic Chad manipulates Troy back into the closet to protect the status quo, and a heartbroken Gabriella sings about how she "thought [he was her] fairy tale," and that really says to me like a gay thinking they've found a relationship only to be heartbroken by realizing the person was straight or too closeted to continue on. She “confused [her] feelings with the truth” and thought “[he] felt it too,” but luckily the ensuing fallout of Gabriella and Troy forced apart and into their respective closets makes their straight friends realize their horrible mistake and do their best to repent, becoming “allies” to them.

“Bop To the Top” is just a fun number, again showcasing Ryan and Sharpay as confident in who they are. However, the interesting part is that Ryan and Sharpay’s world is breaking down around them as well, just as it is for the straight people. Sharpay snaps at Zeke because she can’t quite comprehend this guy from the straight side reaching out to befriend someone of the queer set, and her walls go up. In her own way, she’s trying to restore order as well - however instead of forcing Troy and Gabriella apart, she instead tries to make it so they must prove their commitment to one side or the other - making it so that their activities with their friends take place at the same time as the callback - basically a choice between their closets or the queer community, but with the help of their allies, Troy and Gabriella bring everything crashing together - though the straight majority floods the theater, they do so in support of the community she has protected. At this moment, Gabriella and Troy have overcome the external queer-phobia.

And then the big emotional number at the audition, "Breaking Free," really feels gay to me, in that the song is about the world trying to tear this couple apart but with their faith in each other and themselves, they can rise to new heights. The verses each feel like an anthem to a queer experience in fighting against societal pressure and having confidence in who you are. “The world can see us/in a way that’s different than who we are” is about the pressure to conform to gender and sexuality norms, “but your faith, it gives me strength/strength to believe” they can break free and be themselves. In particular the bridge where they sing "more than you/more than me/not a want/but a need" gives me "born this way" vibes and describes the need to be who you are even when others might not understand. And yet, even in all of this, they are supported and tolerated - the audience dances in the seats and claps to the beat and supports them.

And then "We're All In This Together" is of course the fantasy of tolerance and overcoming bigotry within and without the LGBT community, where everyone is singing together in harmony, where there is nothing but acceptance of the differences that make us all special and unique, with the recognition that we are all human. 

[mikauzoran]

Lukadrien: Among the Wild Things: Chapter Eleven

Read it on AO3: Among the Wild Things: Chapter Eleven: Confrontation

The royal mausoleum was dim and a little dank; the solid stone walls and the flickering torches did little to keep out the dark chill of death.

Adrien led the way down into the crypt where the kings and queens of the past slept underneath the floor tiles and life-size statues in niches along the walls were the chief markers of which tenants rested where.

Luka found himself more than a little unsettled. He was just waiting for one of the statues to move, and he could swear he felt their eyes on him.

Adrien, however, made his way through the tomb seemingly unbothered by the images of his deceased forebearers. He also appeared to know exactly where he was going, quickly heading to the end of the row.

Luka guessed that Adrien had been to visit his mother many times over the years and was well accustomed to the place.

“Maman,” Adrien breathed, voice filled with emotion as he went up to the statue of a lovely young woman posed seated on a stone bench. She smiled tranquilly, her sightless eyes giving off a dreamy quality.

Adrien sank to his knees at her feet, placing his hand on top of her folded ones and resting his head in her lap.

“I missed you,” he whimpered. “It was so hard not even having a picture of you. I was afraid I was going to forget your face just like I’m forgetting your voice.”

Luka bit his lip, tempted to go kneel beside Adrien and wrap his arms around his mate to hold him together. At the same time, though, he didn’t want to interrupt the clearly personal moment.

Before Luka could decide, Adrien regained his composure and rose to his feet, turning his attention to the statue standing behind his mother’s with his hand possessively resting on her shoulder.

Luka had no trouble recognizing King Gabriel from the portrait Adrien had pulled out of the desk drawer in his mother’s room the night before. Surprisingly, Gabriel’s statue didn’t look new. It showed the same wear and weathering as his wife’s, indicating that the King had probably ordered the two made as a pair when the Queen had died.

“Father,” Adrien levelly addressed Gabriel’s imposing image as it scowled severely in judgment. “…I’m sorry that I didn’t say goodbye…. I’ve regretted that, but you made me feel trapped, so I didn’t think I had the option. I had to escape while I could without looking back. I hope you can at least appreciate the decisiveness of my actions.”

Predictably, Gabriel made no reply.

Adrien took a step back with a sigh, now addressing both parents as he continued, “I’m sorry that I was never really the son you’d hoped for. I’m sorry for all the disappointments.”

He then turned to look at Luka, holding out his hand for his husband to come take.

Luka swiftly answered the entreaty, coming to stand by his mate’s side, holding his hand as they presented a united front.

“I think you two always knew I wasn’t interested in women,” Adrien snorted softly. “Maybe you knew even before I did and that’s why you always said disparaging things about people who experience homosexual attraction. Maybe you thought it was some kind of choice I could un-make or an urge I could fight if I were strong enough…but it’s not.”

Luka inched in closer so that his shoulder pressed supportively against Adrien’s.

“I tried,” Adrien pleaded, his voice strained by building tears. “I tried really hard to be the son and heir you wanted. I just couldn’t make myself, quote-unquote, ‘normal’…and I’ve learned now in the past six months that that illusory ‘normal’ doesn’t exist. I don’t have to fix myself,” Adrien asserted, the tears leaving his voice to be replaced by strength and conviction.

“There’s nothing wrong with me that needs fixing. It’s okay to be gay. It’s actually something really beautiful and special…something that makes me me,” he tried to explain as a sad-but-daring-to-hope smile shyly tilted up the corners of his lips. “And I’ve found someone who loves and treasures me just the way I am.”

He nervously smiled at Luka before looking back to his parents’ statues. “Maman, Father…this is Luc…my husband.”

“It’s an honor to meet you, Your Majesties,” Luka greeted, crossing his left arm over his chest and inclining forward into a slight bow, not really sure what the protocol was for meeting deceased royal in-laws.

“Maman, you would have loved him,” Adrien insisted excitedly, but then his expression sobered, and he amended, tempering his remark, “…at least…I’m sure you would have loved him if you could see past him being fae and married to your son.”

Luka squeezed Adrien’s hand, signaling that he was right there beside Adrien no matter what.

“I hope you would have eventually seen past all that,” Adrien added softly. “He takes good care of me, Maman. He’s a good person, and his love and support help me get a little closer to my full potential and being the person I want to be,” he testified, praying that his assurances would have been enough if she’d still been living.

“I have the kind of love you told me fairy stories about, Maman,” he informed her pleadingly. “Please don’t despise me just because I couldn’t find that kind of happiness with a mortal woman.”

Next, Adrien turned back to his father, a wry smile sliding into place on his lips as he chuckled, “Sometimes you did things that made me think, ‘See? He really does love me after all’. …I know you would never approve of this marriage,” he admitted with a melancholy shake of his head, “but there’s a part of me that hopes that my happiness with a fae man wouldn’t kill that little spark of affection you felt for me.”

With a tearful choke, Adrien retreated into Luka’s arms, burying his face in his mate’s chest. “I guess we’ll never know, though.”

Luka shook his head in disagreement, insisting, “They would have come around. Maybe they would have resented me for a while, and I’m sure they wouldn’t have approved of our union, but, after some time passed, they would see how happy we are together. They wouldn’t be able to begrudge a marriage that made their son happy.”

“I think you’re a bit too naïve, My Love,” Adrien sighed, but Luka’s assertions did make the tears stop. “My world can be cruel and uncaring.”

“Yes, but I refuse to believe that any parents who managed to produce a sweet, compassionate, loving person like you could reject their son because of who he loves,” Luka continued to fight Adrien’s assumptions.

“…Maybe.” Adrien finally allowed the possibility to germinated and take root in his mind. “Maybe they would come around after a while.”

“You’d win them over eventually,” Luka assured, squeezing his beloved tightly, happy to see Adrien through all the ups and downs that came with facing the demons of the life he’d left behind.

 Once Adrien regained his composure and bade his goodbyes to his parents, they headed back to the Queen’s chambers where they found Alya and Nino waiting for them, making themselves comfortable in the sitting area of the room on the settee.

“Dri!” Alya trilled in delight when she saw him, scrambling to her feet and dashing across the room to envelope him in a hug that knocked the air out of his lungs.

“It’s good to see you, Alya,” Adrien chuckled as best as he could without the benefit of oxygen. “Thank you for coming.”

She pulled back so that she was at arms’ length, holding him by the biceps to study him better. “Sunshine, you never told me you were the crown prince of the Kingdom of Agreste!” she accused.

Adrien shrugged and gave a sheepish smile. “I mean…you knew I was a prince. I told you that.”

She rolled her hazel eyes and snorted impatiently. “Yeah, but you took Luc for your mate—no offence.”

Luka smiled wryly, lifting and lowering his eyebrows in a manner that clearly stated that he was used to this kind of abuse and didn’t take it to heart.

“I thought you were the prince of some backwater, no-name kingdom,” Alya explained, “but here it turns out that you’re, like, the prince!”

“Technically, he’s the king now,” Luka pointed out helpfully.

A blush of embarrassment sparked to life on Alya’s cheeks, and her lips rounded into an “O” as she remembered the whole reason Adrien had come to the palace in the first place.

“I’m really sorry about your father, by the way,” she offered sheepishly, suddenly feeling bad for the way she’d been gossiping just the day before about the news of King Gabriel’s death and what the kingdom was going to do what with their prince missing.

She remembered the way she’d caught wind of the Queen’s death six years prior and had spent a prodigious amount of time and energy feeding on the conspiracy theories surrounding it. All at once, she felt ill because she’d treated her dear friend’s tragedy as a form of entertainment.

“I’m really sorry, Dri,” she repeated it earnestly, knowing as she squeezed his arm in support that she could never make any of it up to him.

Adrien nodded, looking down at the floor as he whispered a tired, “Thank you.”

Luka and Nino were at his side at once, resting comforting hands on shoulders and giving his hair loving tussles.

A thin smile spread across Adrien’s lips, and he looked back up at Alya with a deep weariness in his eyes. “It’s been difficult, but I’m making it through somehow. Having Luc by my side has been a blessing.”

Alya nodded, feeling awkward and, for once, unsure of what to say.

“But let’s focus on happier things, shall we?” Adrien forced himself to smile wider, trying to inject an air of levity into the conversation. “Did you hear about the wedding and the coronation scheduled for this evening?”

Alya’s eyes lit up, and she latched onto the new topic with unfeigned enthusiasm. “Oh, yes! I was just pumping Nino for information when you came in. It sounds so exciting! The pomp and the ceremony and the big feast afterwards!” She gave a vulpine bark of delight. “I wish I could see it all for myself. I’ve always dreamed of human celebrations like this.”

“You can come,” Adrien informed with a shrug that suggested it was as nothing for him to make her wildest, most cherished dreams come true.

“Really?” She almost stopped breathing.

Adrien nodded and shrugged again. “I’m king. If I say you can come, you can come, and if anyone has a problem with that, they can get over it because my word is literally law,” he assured, taking a heady pleasure in his newfound control. “…I mean, until I can foist the leadership of this kingdom upon someone else, but…”

“I would literally die of happiness,” Alya whined, near tears as she squirmed in excitement.

“Nino will have to chaperon you,” Adrien laid out the conditions.

“I can do that,” Nino gladly volunteered, looking forward to having more time to chat with the interesting fae woman.

“Just for safety,” Adrien explained. “My subjects can be a little…backward…when it comes to issues of embracing diversity. Some of them might be a bit uncomfortable if they knew you were a fox spirit, so I think it’s best if you stay close to Nino so he can help you out and keep you safe.”

“No complaints here!” Alya assured chipperly.

“And we’ll have to see about getting you a suitable dress for the event so that you fit in,” Adrien continued, voicing items of concern as they came to mind. “Nino, could you take her to see Marinette about that?”

Nino gave a snort, shaking his head as he grinned. “Marinette is going to kill you.”

Adrien waved away Nino’s assertion. “Marinette won’t kill me. Marinette loves me. She’s got at least twenty dresses just sitting around that she could make some quick adjustments to for Alya.”

“Marinette is going to kill you,” Luka snickered, imagining the seamstress’s face when Nino arrived with the request from the young king, her eyes bloodshot from working through the night on the coronation/wedding outfits. “She’s going to be livid.”

“It’ll be fine,” Adrien insisted, unconcerned. “I have faith in the supernatural abilities of my Royal Court Seamstress. There’s a reason she’s the youngest person ever to hold the title.”

“There will be shrieking,” Nino chuckled. “She’s going to take me by the shoulders and throttle me in your place.”

“You’ll survive,” Adrien promised with a wink, going over to where the decadent breakfast Alya had brought was spread out on the coffee table. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m starving.”

“You’re going to be able to hear the shrieking all the way in town. People are going to think a demon has descended upon the land,” Nino muttered resignedly.

“They already think that about me,” Luka hummed as he followed Adrien over to the sitting area.

Alya arched an eyebrow in confusion. “How could they confuse you with an oni? Have they never seen one before? Don’t they have picture books? Didn’t you tell them you’re a kelpie?”

 By the time Adrien and Luka returned from their morning out and sat down to breakfast, the rest of the castle inhabitants were starting to get up and move about, getting on with their day.

Nathalie soon appeared to give them their first briefing of the day, and then it was a flurry of servants and advisors coming in and out, checking about this, asking about that, all working together (or at odds with one another) to prepare for the day’s events.

It reminded Luka of watching his mother in action at a town hall where everyone gathered to make their concerns and desires known. It boggled Luka’s mind how many different decisions Adrien had to make, how many people’s concerns he had to deal with, all the orders there were to give.

Luka wondered if the daily life of a king was always like that or if it were just because of the last-minute nature of the wedding-slash-coronation.

Everyone seemed to be in a rush, and everyone was vying for Adrien’s time and attention.

“I hate you,” Marinette announced as she came in just after noon for a fitting.

“You love me,” Adrien corrected, encircling her in a warm hug.

“No, I really think I hate you,” Marinette snorted, even as she squeezed him back. “I love Alya, however, so I’m definitely keeping her. I’m not so sure about you.”

“Were you able to find a dress that could be modified for her?” Adrien inquired as they pulled apart and Marinette went to the rack she had brought in to get the garments for Luka and Adrien to try on.

“Yes, I actually have a gorgeous orange dress that’s going to look ravishing on her. I did the measurements and marked it up for alterations. Manon’s working on it now,” Marinette informed.

“Nino’s going to faint when he sees her,” Luka hummed happily. He had been pleased with the chemistry between them that he had witnessed during breakfast, and he had high expectations for Alya in formalwear.

“Are you shipping them now?” Adrien snickered as he accepted the garment bag from Marinette.

“Nino is a good man; he deserves happiness, and I think Alya could be a good fit,” Luka replied with an innocent shrug, as if he weren’t actively scheming to get them together.

“I’m in favor of this pairing,” Marinette reported. “Nino’s been a mopey mess since you’ve been gone, leaving him with no one to moon over. If you’re going to be going back home to the fair folk before long, it would be nice if he had someone to take a romantic interest in so that he didn’t feel so lonely.”

“Yeah,” Adrien sighed, feeling guilty. “It would be nice if he had someone. I don’t want him to feel left out, especially now that both of us are going to have partners.”

“He’ll find the right person in time,” Marinette tried to assure with an encouraging smile. “Nino is a great guy; he’s bound to find love…so go on and try your suit out, and don’t worry so much about Nino.”

Adrien nodded, going behind the screen to change.

Luka nearly overheated when Adrien came out wearing a three-piece suit. The jacket was a long, royal blue tailcoat with striking silver embroidery tastefully done down the front of the jacket and around the sleeves. White pants and an ascot completed the look, and, as much as Luka loved his husband in his everyday clothes, Luka found that expensive clothing really suited Adrien.

“I think he’s speechless,” Adrien chuckled, running a hand through his hair, mussing it up. “Excellent job, Marinette.”

“I don’t know if I can really take the credit,” Marinette snickered. “My suit wouldn’t be half as stunning if you weren’t smoking hot.”

“True,” Adrien laughed, giving a spin to make the coattails fan out.

Luka gulped.

“All right.” Marinette gave Luka a clap on the back as she pushed a second garment bag into Luka’s arms. “Your turn, if you think you can walk.”

“I’m fine, thank you.” Luka cleared his throat and held the garment bag in front of himself to preserve his modesty as he slunk uncomfortably across the room to the changing screen.

His own outfit was nearly identical to Adrien’s saving for the colour scheme which was inversed. Luka’s jacket and vest were white while his pants, ascot, and the embroidery on his jacket were a beautiful blue to match Adrien.

“If you need help putting anything on, just ask,” Marinette called out helpfully. “I’ve dressed plenty of people in my line of work, so you won’t scandalize me or anything. Most nobles have people who dress them, so it’s really not a big deal.”

“I’m good, but thank you very much,” Luka assured as he fought a little with the innumerable buttons.

When he was content that he looked presentable, he stepped out from behind the screen and was more than satisfied with the effect his appearance had on his mate.

Adrien’s eyes dilated, and his mouth dropped open slightly as a hearty blush spread across the bridge of his nose from one cheek to the other.

Luka zeroed in on Adrien’s throat as he swallowed hard.

“Marinette, if you don’t mind, I think I need half an hour alone with my husband to discuss important marriage stuff,” Adrien informed as he strode across the room, grabbed Luka, and dipped him into a hungry kiss.

“No, no, no, no, no!” Marinette protested with an exasperated huff, watching futilely as Adrien pulled Luka back up only to escort him over to the bed (stealing breathy kisses the whole way) and push Luka down onto it.

“Adrien, I swear, if you harm so much as a button on those outfits, I will assassinate you myself,” she growled, lamenting the fact that she had done too good of a job making both grooms look incredibly handsome.

“I love you, Marinette, but get out,” Adrien hummed happily. “That’s an order.”

Stewing and clenching her fists and jaw, Marinette stormed towards the exit, threatening over her shoulder, “Don’t you dare rip his clothes off with your teeth, Adrien! I will kill you. Take them off like civilized people and hang them up on the rack in their bags. Then copulate like bunnies. I don’t care, but don’t you dare—”

Marinette nearly got hit by the door as Nathalie entered the room.

“—Oh! Lady Sancoeur! I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you there.” Marinette hastened to curtsy.

Adrien rolled off of Luka with a startled yelp, looking very much like a chastened schoolboy caught by his mother.

“…Am I interrupting?” Nathalie inquired blandly, her eyebrow arching upwards.

“Marinette was just making sure our clothes fit for the ceremony,” Adrien explained sheepishly.

Luka—who had been inoculated to this brand of embarrassment by being walked in on by or walking in himself on his mother, Rose, and Juleka—tried to stifle his laughter and an amused grin with varying degrees of success.

Adrien was adorable as he blushed and fidgeted nervously.

Luka leaned in and pressed a comforting kiss to his temple. “Everything seems to fit wonderfully, so we were just about to change back into our regular clothes until it gets closer to time for the ceremony,” Luka added to lend Adrien’s story credibility. “Marinette is truly amazing to have completed such a daunting task so quickly and so well. I’m extremely impressed.”

“Oh, well,” Marinette laughed bashfully, breaking out into a wide grin of pleasure at his lavish praises. “I couldn’t have done it without the help of my team. I’m very lucky to work with many talented people I can trust implicitly.”

“And we’re very lucky to have you to lead them,” Nathalie added, nodding her approval (a rare commodity).

Then, Nathalie was back to business, getting to the point. “The rings have just arrived from the jeweler, and we need to make sure they fit and meet with your approval so that there’s enough time to make corrections, if there are issues.”

“Oh. Right,” Adrien responded as one coming out of a reverie. He furrowed his brow and pursed his lips as he got up and came over to inspect the rings which Nathalie had fished out of little satin bags.

“Sorry. I know we talked about getting rings for the ceremony this morning, but…” He nervously began to twist the ring Luka had made for him around his finger.

It didn’t feel right to replace it or even to take it off. His subjects might not consider the ceremony that Anarka had officiated at or the private rituals Luka and Adrien had exchanged in their room that first day they committed themselves to one another to be legitimate or legally binding, but Adrien did.

The makeshift ring Luka had placed on Adrien’s finger that day was a real wedding ring to him, and it felt wrong to renounce it like this.

Luka came up behind Adrien, wrapping his arms around him to give him a supportive squeeze. “It’s okay, My Love,” he assured, gingerly taking Adrien’s hand and slipping off the ring, moving it over to the ring finger of Adrien’s right hand. “It doesn’t really matter which finger it’s on, does it? Isn’t the important thing that I put it there?”

Adrien hummed thoughtfully, studying the effect of this new placement.

“…Yeah,” he finally sighed, nodding decisively. “I guess you’re right, but this is only for the ceremony. Tonight, we’re switching them back. My real wedding ring gets pride of place.”

“As you wish,” Luka easily agreed, letting Adrien switch Luka’s ring from his left hand to his right as well so that they could try on the new rings.

Luka reached out for the one that Nathalie indicated was Adrien’s but then stopped, looking uncertainly at the advisor. “I remembered to tell you about my iron allergy…right?”

Nathalie gave him the vaguest hint of a smile as she assured, “You did, and I triple checked with the jeweler, so there shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Thank you.” Luka smiled nervously as he hesitantly picked up the ring, poking it with the tip of one finger first to test it before taking hold of it with confidence.

Both of the rings fit comfortably, and the fitting ended without incident.

Marinette finished inspecting both outfits and identified small details that could be improved while Nathalie gave the boys what felt like their dozenth briefing of the day.

Even after Nathalie and Marinette were both satisfied and left, that didn’t end the whirlwind of people coming in and out of the Queen’s chambers, needing Adrien’s approval or input on this or that.

Luka felt like he barely had time to breathe as the day quickly slipped away and, suddenly, it was time for the ceremony.

[thecringefailintherye]

Oliver! (1968) Live (re) watch!

i have already seen oliver!, but not in ages, so i decided to watch it again, enjoy

very long post warning

fuckin hell these opening credits are LONG

i love the fact instrumentals of songs in the movie are playing

i have chocolate popcorn, apple lucozade and oliver! on, life is good

yes i know mark lester is oliver ive seen this like 20 times can i watch the film now

OH ABOUT FUCKING TIME

god is love

IS IT WORTH THE WAITING FOR IF WE LIVE TILL 84 ALL WE EVER GET IS GRUELL

i forgot how much of a banger food glorious food is

LOOK AT BABY MARK LESTER 🥺🥺🥺

ads in middle of movie be like

its harry secombe!

AMENNNN

oliver gets bullied the movie

look at this poor kid

MOREE????????

oh yes oliver i love this song

O L I V E R

poor kid

without any bannister yikes

the one who named him........O-L-IV-ERRR

oh were outside now

olivers just been kicked out oh shit

but on the plus side he has a cute ass hat on

BOY FOR SAY AL

look at oliver 🥺 he deserves better

SOWERBERRY MORE LIKE SHITTERBERRY

theres a severe lack of thats your funeral and i shall scream

noah claypole more like noah clayprick

“perhaps... if i had a tall hat?” BABEY

HES GOT HIS TALL HAT ON YES OLIVER

oliver said dab on them haters from your old gaff youre a funeral advisor now and theyre still homeless

DONT INSULT HIS MUM FUCK YOU NOAH

YES OLIVER KILL HIM

yes stuff the nine year old in a coffin and sit on it well done

"OLIVAH ??" "Yes im here: ((("

ITS MEAT!

oliver deserves better man 

im gonna cry and were like 25 minutes in.

ik its not mark singing but whoever it is CAN SING WTF

i want to give him a hug

OH SHIT HES RUNNING AWAY

hes in the lettuce

LONDON YOU MADE IT !

yes oliver trains exist

DODGER!!!

whach you starin at aint ya ever seen a toff

the beak

look at lil jack wild

me more hintimate friends

cockney accent™️

the artful dodga

CONSIDERR YOURSSELF AT HOEME COSNIDER YOURSWLF OEN OF THE FAMILY !!!!!!!!!!

im sorry i love this song

look this scene is awesome, but it would be COMPLETE with charley oh wait he was demoted to extra and everything interesting abt him was given to dodger

he should have gotten the nobody tries to be ladeeda or uppity bit I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

this cast is BIG

okay i am a Charger Enthusiast but do we all agree there is something oddly homosexual about oliver and dodger in this song

note how dodger is scared of the police FORESHADOWING

ive taken to this SO STRONGITSCLEARWEREGOINGTOGETALONG

how many extras is this ???? yall better be gettin paid

its dodga comin up

this set is sraight out of the book i love it

CHARLEY MATE IM SORRY THEY MADE YOU AN EXTRA 

“oh not again” does dodger just always show up with random workhouse kids 

ah yes fagin the character whos still a negative jewish stereotype

more and more big cast

THESE SAUSAGES ARE MOULDY! (am i going to freak out whenever charley does anything because i love him? yes)

stfu drink your gin

is this a laundry?? no fam 

THE BEST FUCKING SONG IN THIS MUSICAL

IN THIS LIFE ONE THING COUNTS

sorry if i dont add to this until pick a pocket or two is done bc its a straight banger

this song is EVERYTHING 

hard at work lol ok

did he make those himself??? no

couple a wipes

EMBROIDERED THEM??? no

petition for all oliver twist adaptations to refer to charley as master bates like the book and for him to have actual lines and not have his actor switched at least three times

i dont even now who charley is at this point because his actor is switched many a time im just gonna say purple blazer kid is charley

anyway charley bates supremacy

whos bill sikes??? NO

fuck bill all my homies hate bill

rum tum tum is a banger

go bed now

take your hat off in bed dodger

movie fagin has rights

fagin leaving where will he go

BET IS THAT YOU

FUCK OFF BILL NO ONE LIKES YOU 

NANCY NANCY HES HERE !!!!!! bet deserves everything and more ily 💖

NANCYYYY!!!!!!

its a fine life more like its a banger

wheres all of bets lines gone

bet 🤝 charley (being demoted to extras)

its not funny anyore bet.. bet girl please sing youre the best fucking thing about this song

such a happy song about domestic abuse

THERE SHE IS THATS MY GIRL BET I FUCKING LOVE YOU

bullsye rights!

i hate how this movie made fagin more symathetic but he’s still a “greedy jew” stereotype

oliver?????

at this moment fagin knew he fucked up

nancy you deserve better than bill

oh hi dodger forgot you existed

and the rest of you except oliver

ah yes charley “sausages” bates i missed you

THESE FUCKING KIDS THEY ALL LOVE BET AND NANCY MY HEART

im a regular gent i am. no dodger you arent

why is “permit me to assist you across the road” so fucking funny

pov dodgers back on his bullshit so you have to pretend to be a horse and cart for him

not “sir artful” 😭😭😭

anyfink for youu

WHAT FISTICUFFS???!!!

i feel sorry for the child extras man theyve prob had to film this scene like ten times

THESE KIDS CAN SING

 the boys dancing with eachother is too fucking wholesome i love this

again, movie fagin rights

weed riissk lifee and limmbb

you promised we could go see the angin!!!!!

ats on boys time were off

THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SONG

HOW COULD WE LET HOW COULD WE FORGET OUR DEAR OLD FAGIN WORRY!!

mate that aint single file did you not hear him

am i the only one who can hear london bridge is falling down in the back??

our pockets hold a watch of gold that chimes upon the hour!!! a wallet fat an old mans hat!!! the jewels from the tower!!!

WE KNOW THE NOSEY POLICEMEENNNN

dodger and charley (i am SURE charley is purple blazer kid even if havent seen this film in ages) are GETTING INTO THIS

oliver 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

movie fagin rights pt 27238227

DODGER OLIVER COME ON!!!!!!!!! alright dude chill

ARE YALL SEEING THIS SHIT, I WAS RIGHT, I TOLD YOU THAT THE LAD IN THE PURPLE BLAZER WHO SINGS “a wallet fat an old mans hat” WAS CHARLEY BATES AND GUESS WHAT HE FUCKING IS. I WAS RIGHT, PURPLE BLAZER KID IS CHARLEY YOU CAN LEAVE NOW

no dont were only an hour in

three kids on the back of the omnibus what will they do

dodger and charley said be gay do crimes

ah shit now look what youve gotten us into dodger

IT WASNT EVEN OLIVER IT WAS CHARLEY AND DODGER GO AFTER THEM

are dodger and charley straight up framing oliver for a crime they commited while also helping him escape

yes they are why are we surprised 

i hate to break it to you dodger but hiding oliver in a meat sack doesnt work

OLIVERS ON THE ROOF????

charley and dodger got oliver into this mess and they are not going to get him out

WHY DIDNT YOU LOOK AFTER HIM????? right calm down fagin

how could i help it :((((

no bill!

stan nancy

“two other boys stole it” no shit

BROWNLOW !

run bitch run

right intermission time now

AND WE’RE BACK!

entr acte

who will buyyy

strawberry girl is carrying this

oliver owns my heart pt 278983728938728

this is a banger wtf

okay its done now right

right?????

UHH BILL???? DODGER???? BITCH WHY TF ARE YOU HERE

have bill fagin nancy and the boys been stalking oliver???

NO SHE WONT FAGIN!

shit.

fuck bill

this scene is far more sadder when you think of how the boys have just seen the only woman they see as a mother figure been hit to the flo or, im not crying, you are

as long as he needs me :(

FUCK YOU BILL

rose maylie is that you?!

look at lil oliver!!

BILL FUCK OFF

i hate bill

“look at his togs! he’s got books too!” charley and dodger are my emotional support kids

anyway have i mentioned i hate bill, bc i hate bill.

I REALLY REALLY HATE BILL

even fagin aka the guy whos keeping these kids as pickpockets has more morals than bill

WE STAY CALM!!

no bill i havent heard a dying chicken

act one was just childish antics now we have THIS

fuck bill

YOURE TELLING ME THE BOYS WATCHED THAT????

jack wild is a banging actor. he genuinely looks terrified 🥺 

this film.. 

a mans got a heart hasnt he?? yes you do!!!

a full song dedicated to movie fagin rights?? did i ghostwrite this?? probably

banger

ithinkidbetterthinkitoutagain!

villains theives and nine year olds

MR BUMBLE?????!!!!!!!!!!

fuck bill pt72898376728909878199

bill youre traumatising him

cmon nance do something!!

also completely forgot abt this but uh does monks exist in this i forgot bc we have had no mentions of him yet

nancy tell him who bill is!!!

bullseye deserves better

uhm what is going on

bill sikes more like bill yikes

oliver what are you doing

BILL TERRIFIES ME

FUCK

omg oom pah pah????

leave oliver alone bill hes like nine

oh banger

OOM PAH PAH THATS HOW IT GOES!!!!!!!!!

just asking are nancy and bet lesbians bc they look it

COULD IT BE OOM PAH PAHHHHHH

god i love this song

IT SHOOOOOWSSSSSS

its the same oom pah pah

“She was from the country but now shes up a gumtree she let a fella feed her then lead her a long” foreshadowiinnggg

OOM PAH PAH! OOM PAH PAH! OOM PAH PAH!

nancy is so fucking smart

getting the whole pub singing and dancing to smuggle out oliver? clever

fuck

bill.. no.. bill.. bill????

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKC

BILL GET OFF HER

NANCY NO

HE STRAIGHT UP COMMIT MURDER AGAINST THE NICEST CHARACTER

BROWNLOW DO YOU NOT HEAR NOTHING

nancy deserved a better death than to be killed by bill fuck bill

EVEN BULLSEYE HATES YOU BILL

ARE THEY ACCUSING BULLSEYE OF MURDER

FUCK YOU BILL

movie fagin rights + fuck bill combo?

youre telling me fagin had an ESCAPE ROUTE??? AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HOUSE THING??? THE WHOLE TIME???

BILL DONT KILL THE CHILD

BILL

fuck, well. #

“WHAT DO I DO!?” “LIVE UP TO YOUR NAME, DODGE ABOUT”

ten quid says dodgers been caught

oh no all fagins shit is gone

BILL DONT KILL THE CHILD PT 2

FUCK YOU BILL

GOD I HATE HIM

OLIVER MATE ARE YOU OK

never have i been so happy to see a character die

rest in shit bill

hi dodger thought you got caught n went to australia 

god, this film is so fucking good.

reviewing the situation 2.0 goes hard

MOVIE. FAGIN. RIGHTS!

FAGIN YOU CAN BE A GOOD MAN YOU KNOW YOU CAN

DODGER??????????

IM TOTALLY NOT CRYING RN

FAGIN NO DONT TAKE IT

FUCKING PLOTTWIST

IT MADE IT LOOK LIKE FAGIN WAS GONNA GIVE THE WALLET BACK TO DODGER BUT NO

once the villain you’re the villain to the end

i completely forgot abt this scene since i’ve been reading the oliver twist book and in that dodger gets arrested and fagin gets hanged but here they get away?

god this is bittersweet

I THINK WE’D OUGHT TO THINK IT OUT AGAIN!!!!!

thats where the film should have ended, i get olivers the main character but it ending on dodger and fagin walking out into the sunset is such a pleasing ending man

oliver gets his happy ending abt time

YES CONSIDER YOURSELF AND BE BACK SOON (THE BIGGEST BANGERS IN THE FILM) CREDITS SONGS!!

well.. that was a journey and half