#who totally approves of the new lady

[arc-misadventures]

An Arc’s Revenge

Juniper: So… Let me get this straight… There’s a kid at school named, Cardin Winchester?

Jaune: Yes.

Juniper: And, this kid tends to bully you at school.

Jaune: Among others, but it’s mostly him.

Juniper: And, he’s been bullying you by knocking your stuff over, shoving you around, and general blackmail you into doing his school work.

Jaune: He also shoved me into a rocket launcher, and sent me flying.

Juniper: H-He did what?! Okay, no… let’s, let’s just put that on the back burner for now.

Jaune: Okay.

Juniper: So, you decided to come up with a plan to get revenge on, Cardin for all the things he has done to you. Now, instead of coming up with some elaborate prank that would totally humiliate him. You decided to go the opposite route… and, fuck his mother?!

Jaune: Yeah, pretty much.

Juniper: Why the hell would you do that?!

Jaune: Well, at first at went to, Carla…?!

Juniper: Mrs. Winchester! You are not getting on any friendly ground with her bucko!

Jaune: Okay… I went to, Ms. Winchester, and asked her if she could give me any information on, Cardin. What are his biggest fears, secrets he doesn’t want exposed, things like that. She understood I wanted to get revenge for all of his bullying. But, then, Ms. Winchester purposed a plan that would really upset, Cardin.

Jaune: That I fuck her.

Juniper: Wait! This was her plan?!

Jaune: Yep. Apparently she wanted to teach, Cardin a lesson too, and she thought, ‘What better revenge can a guy get, than fucking his bully’s mom.’

Juniper: Are you kidding me?! That seriously can’t be the reason behind why she slept with you?!

Jaune: Well, she also mentioned some things about… a dry spell, sexy blonds. And, something else afterwards about being sexually satisfied? I wasn’t sure what she meant by that.

Juniper: Good gods! Okay, I’m going to have a word with, Ms. Winchester. Acheius, you go talk to your son I… oh gods…

Acheius: Jaune, I can’t believe you would do something so childish!

Acheius: Nice job out there son! That’s a pretty dame you bagged out there!

Jaune: Ehhh… What?

Acheius: And, with a woman twice your age too!

Acheius: Juniper actually wanted me to bang her to get back at the husband for what she said to, Juni. He died before I could.

Jaune: Mom wanted you to do what now…?

Acheius: I can’t believe that my son would stoop to something so low, and depraved! Didn’t I teach you better?!

Acheius: Your mom would have done it herself, but she was pregnant at the time.

Jaune: You didn’t teach me any…?! Wait, Mom would have done it?!

Acheius: I can’t believe my son would do such a thing… I am so disappointed in you…

Acheius: I’m so proud of you! Here’s 200 Lien, treat the lady to a nice dinner!

Jaune: Okay…?

Acheius: You are ground for a week… No! A…?!

Juniper: Jauney~!

Acheius: Uh oh…

Jaune: Y-Yes?

Juniper: After much consideration, and discussion with, Carla. I approve of your relationship with her.

Jaune: You do?

Acheius: Beg pardon?

Juniper: Yes, Carla is a kind, and caring widow who is searching for a lover to share her life with, and we both agree that you are that man!

Jaune: Okay…?

Juniper: So you two go on, and have a wonderful time together, okay dear?

Jaune: What the hell is going on…?

Juniper: Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to have a world with my new BFF~!

Jaune: ‘BFF?’

Jaune: Dad… What the fuck just happened?

Acheius: I have no idea… One moment she’s screaming at you for bedding a woman twice your age, now she getting all buddy, buddy with her; I haven’t the faintest clue what just happened.

Juniper: Oh, Jaune?

Jaune: Yeah?

Juniper: Remember: If you use a condom your pee-pee will fall off! Okay? Bye~!

JA: …?

JA: Ohhhhhhhh…

Jaune: That certainly explains the 180 she just performed.

Acheius: Yeah. Your mother has always had a thing for babies…

Jaune: I know…

Jaune: She’ll kill me if I don’t knock, Carla up within the month won’t she?

Acheius: Maine you at worst.

Jaune: Shit…

[reveluving]

Sweats nervously...

Erm..obesesive stalker! Graves x reader...🧍🏻‍♀️

Drops this and runs away

(headcanon by call.me.c0k3 on tiktok//)

WAIT COME BACK

WHO’S GONNA READ THIS THING I MADE NOW!!!!!!!!

Includes: mentions of s~mut; voyeurism, dubcon, mutual masturbation (minors DNI!), allusions to taking out those who wronged you, lovestruck!Graves takes it one step further in this one.

COD x shy!wife thots closed! Thank you, everyone, for your time & amazing minds! I sincerely hope I can do this again with y'all soon! 💌

Come & check out my COD m.list!

Good news, we can go about this with both shy!reader or operator!reader wise. So, STRAP IN.

Generally, just know that he has the means to learn about you with a few clicks on his computer, and he will use that to his advantage. That doesn’t mean he won’t be able to catch every little bit about you just by talking to you, of course. No doubt he’ll learn more than enough surface-level information about you within the first five minutes of you talking. 

Way more than the average strangers meeting each other for the first time, only to forget the other’s name within days. Plus, the Phillip Graves knows how to talk, but this isn’t some lady he’s trying to sweet talk for the night and then be on his way hours later. No, those days are over, and he never particularly enjoyed them anyway. 

You, on the other hand, were a spice of life. The darling he never thought he’d find, the dream he had locked in the back of his mind years ago because he thought with how tainted the universe is, including himself, it was just false hope at this point.

So, for you to just suddenly appear before him, be it as the unassuming beaut next door or the stunning force to be reckoned with, oh, he is going to make sure you know that he’ll treat you the way you deserve.

Even if how he goes over them behind the scenes can be a little… extreme. 

He wants to make the best impression on you. Will he totally change his personality and appearance just for your approval? Well, no. If you find out the guy who’s been trying to impress you isn’t really being himself, then he knows it’ll be an immediate turn-off. 

And as excessive as the things he does may be, he also wants this to work. For the relationship to bloom, to flourish as best and as genuine as possible. He’s never cared for anyone like this since… ever! 

He knows the name of the guy, no, the kid that broke your heart years ago. Growing pissed the longer he read the conversation you had with your girlfriends, about his cheating and even fault you for his ‘last resort’, all because you had dreams to chase, priorities to focus on. 

Apparently, he’s now a big name in his town. Perfect. Nothing a little exposure of his company for money laundering and inhumane working conditions to the press couldn’t do the trick. 

Or in terms of the shy!reader, the bogus buyers who never paid you for the floral arrangement you made the entire day. Easy, he’ll just anonymously transfer all of their savings to charity or some pet shelters nearby. You adore pets, and those teens clearly didn’t need the money anyway. 

He made sure to take note each and every one of them, of anyone who wronged you for future reference. 

Other than private parts of your life, he enjoys scrolling through your social media; fixated on pictures that had you in it, even imagining future photos or videos you’d take together once you two get together. No matter how many people were in it or what it was about, his eyes go straight to your figure. Screenshots aren’t uncommon, either, especially cherishing the genuine joy in your face. 

Then, there are the things you love.

He knew you’d adore the things he bought for you, regardless of what suited your fancy, like dresses, lipsticks, books, random knick-knacks. Anything. He traced the history of you scrolling through the store’s website on your phone via his system, buying the ones you lingered on the longest. He knew you’d like the restaurant he brought you to on one of your dates, not necessarily because it was fancy, though that was the icing on the cake, but what made your eyes sparkle was the fact that it specialized in your preferred cuisine. There were the little things too; your favourite songs, how you prefer the cake from bakery A to bakery B because the latter’s more dry, or even the irresistible smile on your face whenever he looks over at you with an amused raise of his brow. 

Hell, even quirks that you never knew you had!

Then, there were the… nasty ones. Absolutely filthy.

The kinds where he wished he wasn’t just the tiny camera on your vanity table or the tampered lens on your phone when you tossed it to the side, frustrated as you tried to chase after the peak of your orgasm. Yearning to help you, to give you what you were aching for when your fingers, pillows or toys weren’t enough. He’s never been so frustrated, his cock pulsing in his hand for more, even if he was handling himself a bit rougher than usual as he watched your gorgeous body arch and thrash on the sheets. 

The tiniest last grain of shame he had vanished the second he heard you moan out his name, and oh, how the stars have aligned in his favour. 

If he wasn’t sure before, he sure as hell is about his ways now.  He’ll make sure he’s the man of your dreams, if not, better.

˚ · . f i n . · ˚

[jonesywrites]

I feel compelled, so I must.

*Now with images for context

Man I shit you not, I have so much stuff to do like SO MUCH but I also have ADHD and a tendency toward hyperfixation so I am compelled, I tell you.

I'm writing for a whole ass other ship, filming, and editing for my YT channel. But I saw gifs, and I read tweets, and I saw hot takes and then I decided to react to Season 3 Part I for my channel.

I AM OBSESSED.

I'm in the middle of editing my reactions to Ep 1-4 and I just HAVE to chime in with these observations I keep having as I go through and re-live each Polin scene while editing. I know some of this has been seen/said before but I'm a newb to this fandom and I just finished listening to all of the audiobooks (save Simon and Daphne's story) so I just gotta! I OBSERVED A LOT and there's a lot here, so . . .

Colin turns to the Featherington house as soon as he arrives home and greets his family.

Because whether he's aware of it or not, he's thinking of one of those Featheringtons, who happens to be standing there as he debuts "the new Colin" to the people he cares about the most -- which includes Pen, they are telegraphing to us in this moment -- (right after testing some of that newfound charm on a gaggle of giggly girls). I don't think he greets her right away because he isn't ready yet but you can see his smile/smirk when he spots her -- like "Yep, Pen, feast your eyes, it's the new me, and NOW I'll bet you'll want to hear about my travels."

Eloise is the first person to spot that he may not really be into this "new Colin".

The show GOES OUT OF ITS WAY to let you know this isn't really Colin, that his heart isn't really into it, from jump. The siblings Bridgerton do a little "we see each other" when he questions her about trying to fit into society after all this time -- they're two sides of the same coin. He's too sensitive and romantic for the rakes of the ton and she's too independent and free-thinking for the boring trappings of the marriage mart, but here they both are. Pretending.

Colin goes out of his way to test his new charm on half the ladies at the Queen's garden party thing BEFORE he approaches Pen to talk for the first time since he got back -- at first glance he's just doing his thing, being the new him, enjoying himself and his new ability to woo the ladies but IT IS THIS AUTHOR'S HUMBLE OPINION THAT HE WAS TESTING HIS CHARM TO ITS LIMITS BEFORE HE WENT OVER TO THE ONE GIRL HE ACTUALLY WANTS TO/TRUELY ENJOYS CONVERSING WITH TO LAY IT ON HER.

Wanna bet me he wasn't thinking about Pen while he was away, wondering why she wasn't answering, plotting to talk to her when he got back, plotting to see if his new charm would work on her because she's Pen and her opinion means a lot to him? He doesn't get why yet but it's there -- the tip of the iceberg, only a strong desire for her attention and approval right now, but I can sooooo see how that started to quickly burn into a much more intense desire for just...her.

I adore how Penelope asks the dressmaker for new dresses in the fashion of "what they are wearing in Paris" after Colin tells her his new wardrobe is what's all the rage in Paris from is travels.

He always counts on her just being Pen in the citrus colors hanging on the wall, a safe place, but then he sees her in that green dress and I truly believe this is the moment he realizes -- nah fam, this isn't just "Pen my friend who doesn't count (as a woman)", this is "wow who is that woman in the striking color with pretty lips and fiery red hair?"

This poor lovesick fellow has no idea why every time he sees her at a ball his heart does a funny thing and he suddenly can't see anyone else and he gets the urge to drink whatever's in his hand/close by.

HEY BABE IT'S BECAUSE YOU LIKE HER. A LOT. She isn't just Pen who doesn't count, she is SPECIAL.

Much has been said about the "Goodnight, Mr. Bridgerton" scene, but I'll just add that you can tell when Colin is being genuine and totally himself vs when he's trying to charm her into relaxing with him/being more like her usual self.

When he says "the colour rather suits you," he's being her good friend who is pleased to see her looking so good but he's also saying that to himself, judging by his tone, like "yeah girl you should wear green more often, this makes you look damn good". And when he says he misses her, he means it, but you can also hear the armor of that New Colin Charm in his tone. It's a vulnerable thing to admit, so he uses a devilish smile and has a wink in his eyes because so far that has worked on every girl here since he got back. Not Pen, though ... he was SHOOK when she rebuffed him and called him cruel.

Yes, he is absolutely panicked that he might lose his one true friend in all of the fickle ton, but also . . . Colin is totally realizing how hot Pen is in the garden scene. Colin is looking into her gorgeous eyes and admitting how she makes him feel and you can see the real-time realization in his eyes/expression. Handshake? He is acting on his impulse to touch her while using his newfound charm to disguise his curiosity.

Colin wants to hang out with her as much as possible because that's how comfortable and appreciated she makes him feel but also it's my opinion that he, at least subconsciously, also wants to keep looking at her, getting closer to her, winning her favor. He's not even thinking about the results of the whole charm lessons thing, he's just thinking about being around Penelope as much as possible because of that realization that she makes existing in a world that is determined to misunderstand him (and has "forced" him to don a mask/facade to survive) bearable.

I agree with those who pointed out that he is taken aback by Pen's awkward flirting session with the fan because normally when they're alone talking all he sees/experiences is her wit, intelligence, keen ability to read between the lines of their society, etc.

Also, you can see he doesn't even care what the other blokes think of her, he thinks she's friggin adorable -- he can't keep the smile off his face even as he's sympathizing with her for going down faster than the Titanic-which-doesn't-exist-yet-duh-but-analogy-with-me-here.

Every moment of the private lesson scene, from him instantly abandoning the card game with his siblings to the way he planned out the whole thing and thought about where everyone would be and what window of time they'd have to "practice" shows THAT HE WAS IN FACT VERY EAGERLY AWAITING HER VISIT for their lesson. Matter of fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was the one who suggested the game in the garden to get everyone out of the house in anticipation of Pen’s arrival.

It is this author's humble opinion that Colin really, really wanted to pretend to flirt with Penelope to satisfy his nagging, subconscious (yet fluttering to the surface) curiosity and I AM WILLING TO BET MY TWIN SISTER'S WHOLE 2024 SALARY that (especially after her compliment shook him to his core) they wouldn't have made it much longer without him kissing her if they hadn't been interrupted and she had't read his journal.

He wanted alone time, he wanted intimacy, he wanted to flirt -- they would have charmed each other right into each other's pants if those lessons were allowed to continue, mark my words.

Colin's body was at least several weeks ahead of him. The body doesn't lie. Touching her skin in the garden. Leaning into her whenever they speak (with the convenient excuse of their height difference), pressing his palm into her lower back to escort her to the drawing room, sitting and letting her hold his hand for an unnecessarily long pause before forcing himself to stop staring at her and end the impropriety (escape the intensity of the moment to breathe and process, more like).

Jealous Colin(tm) with his intense eyes and hard jawline is everything and hot af, end of observation.

I love Dream Pen for Colin. The way he dressed her. The way his mind envisions her being breathless for him.

The way he pictures himself just holding her close and indulging in hot, sultry kisses until she's practically melting in his arms. THIS IS WHAT HE DREAMS ABOUT, WHAT HE TRULY WANTS. This boy is a Romantic with a capital ROMANTIC and I JUST LOVE how his dream about Pen reflects that so clearly. We've seen him struggling to pay attention or care in brothels but he displays more sexual intensity, passion, and lust in this romantic wet dream about simply confessing his feelings than any other time he's seen on screen with a woman he's supposed to find attractive.

The "Sweet Treats" scene, as I believe I've seen others pointing out, is --yes, sweet-- at a glance. But also HOT AF. He's pining, he's nervous, he's jealous, she's so sweet and lovely confessing her excitement and hopes for the match with Deblin. But it's also hot b/c I meeeean....The pink everywhere (pink walls, get it), her lips and his reaction to her glancing her tongue across them, his fingers flexing out of nerves but also the subconscious urge to touch, maybe even caress, is all in his stiff, hovering body language. Like, if he could shove those treats off one of those tables, throw her against it and ravage her "sweet treat" right then there in that pink little tent, homeboy totally would have if society/propriety/scandal/watching eyes weren't a concern.

SIDENOTE: I think Deblin was definitely attracted to Pen, it wasn't SOLELY a practical match for him.

He says she can make men wither within seconds of their first meeting and he definitely looks at her in a way that says he's charmed, intrigued, impressed, etc. So I think even they married, eventually he would start to miss her while away, then ache for her, then he would come home to her and he would fall. Gradually maybe, but I do believe Pen was right to hope love could grow between them. However, I'm so so sooo glad neither of them settled.

WHAT CAN BE SAID ABOUT THE CARRIAGE SCENE THAT HASN'T ALREADY BEEN SAID??? It's one of the hottest love scenes I've ever seen, and it's not because everybody is naked or because there's kink or anything crazy. It's because (for me) the actors TRULY CARE ABOUT THE DETAILS. Almost every frame has something you can freeze and stare at in awe, they DID THAT. Colin finally FEELING IT, with the one person who can truly see him and inspire those deep feelings he's been yearning for was HOT AF. Pen basically being at his mercy but also realizing her power over him and embracing it by letting him ruin her because it's COLIN (she wouldn't let anyone else do that, IMO, not even Deblin). MY FAVORITE PART:

At the end, when they exhale and slump into each other/the carriage seat in sync. She looks like she's never felt anything like this in her life (cuz she ain't) and he looks like he's finally HOME. And I'm not talking about his family's estate -- I specifically mean right there in Penelope's bosom, between her legs, her breath, her eyes, her moans for him, like he looks relieved and satisfied AND THEN HE'S LIKE "SO I'M NEVER LETTING THIS GO. DONE DEAL, YOU'RE MY PENELOPE, NOW."

Ugh. I loooove this couple! I HAD TO GET THIS OUT OF MY BODY. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. Gonna add stills for the moments I mention once Tumblr stops being a bitch.

[starberry-cupcake]

I'm back! Thank you kindly for your patience, we're done with Act III! It was probably a terrible idea to wait because this is so long, I'm so sorry.

previously, in harrowhark! a vagrant the ninth:

this happened

also a couple previews that will show up in this but are in the tag

currently, chapters 24-31 (END OF ACT III!!!):

harrow wakes up after sleeping a sensible amount of hours in yandere twin's room

yandere twin, who's into chomping cavaliers, complains about having had some harrow soup

they have a sort of tender moment, I guess

they have a complicated dynamic

harrow falls asleep again

she's in the bed and yandere twin is sleeping on the floor

and harrow is woken by the sound of self inflicted pain and torture

harrow gets tired of this and decides to just rip yandere twin's arm off

@lady-harrowhark reminded me that I called this (!!!) in this recap

I had absolutely 100000% forgot I said that but congrats past me!!!

so, there's this scene in which harrow rips yandere twin's arm off and puts a new bone-y one in there, remade with her own parts

like this

some people have told me in the replies that it's a sessual sort of scene, and I get that, I suppose it was the vibe it was going for

total respect to that

but I'm gonna be honest here

it felt like I was witnessing a birth and harrow was the midwife

so harrow lets yandere twin know that she's been improving her necro powers via studying and practicing to try to make up for her being "lyctor lite"

harrow and alleged gideon aka ortus are the only people here that seem to be getting any work done tbh

so now, with the new arm, inner chad can use the sword again

and yandere twin is happy because she's now a proper lyctor and has senior chad aka augustine's approval

harrow is proud of herself for doing nice necro things like chopping and reconstructing arms

as a thanks, yandere twin agrees to help harrow to kill alleged gideon the first aka ortus

nobody asked you, but ok

I actually have no qualms with alleged gideon aka ortus

because he's at least direct and honest about it

everyone here has an agenda, at least this guy's like directly trying to physically kill harrow

at this point, I respect the direct approach

augustine and emperor reverend professor john can go fu—

WELL, ACTUALLY, WE'LL GET THERE LATER

CHAPTER 28

we're back at gideon-less canaan house

canaan house isn't safe in any universe, all the trails lead to death

everyone who's alive or accounted for is having a sleepover

there's a bunch of people unaccounted for, actually

the kiddos from the fourth are allegedly hidden elsewhere

who knows, at this point

I don't trust anyone

there's a fog and rain and water rising still

which reminds me of the movie identity, in which they all were trapped in that motel because it wasn't actually a motel and they weren't actually alive per-se

magnus and abby say that protozoa should have decked mayonnaise uncle

which is one of the reasons why the gideon universe is superior

aside from the presence of gideon and camilla

I miss them so much I'm gonna start biting cavaliers

anyway, where in the hell is duracell bunny nephew???

he wasn't with mayonnaise uncle when he yeeted himself

his soul, which got detached from his body in the gideon universe, is still flying like a balloon across universes and dimensions, I guess

abby didn't expect regina george twin to die, apparently, and says "if she's gone, then perhaps that means..." but doesn't elaborate

nobody ever elaborates

abby also makes harrowbean read another one of the "harrow texts"

I can't keep adding them all together in recaps because this will end up being super long but here goes the new one

"I will remember the first time you kissed me —you apologized— you said, I am sorry, destroy me as I am, but I want to kiss you before I am killed, and I said to you why, and you said, because I have only once met someone so utterly willing to burn for what they believed in, and I loved him on sight, and the first time I died I asked of him what I now ask of you. I kissed you and later I would kiss him too before I understood what you were, and all three of us lived to regret it—but when I am in heaven I will remember your mouth, and when you roast down in hell I think you will remember mine"

so yeah, we've got a triangular situation, I suppose

I need to put all of them together to continue to draw connections

my though was that this could be ice cube barbie aka annabel lee, because of the long-lost sun, but I'm unsure still

I don't think the timing fits the other side of the 3d model that's the gideon's mom and rebel leader situation

inconclusive still

abby suggests harrowbean she might be haunted

which might also fit with ice cube barbie??? maybe??? idk

CHAPTER 29

harrow says she doesn't remember shit about chad

get perpetually owned, chad

mercygirl asks harrow things about her necro process for the arm reconstructing and the last thing she asks is "what is the name of the saint of duty?" to which harrow says "ortus the first" and mercygirl goes

me and my "alleged gideon" theory are very happy about this

the hill I will die on

mercygirl continues to use onomatopoeias to express herself

I do not want to think about what that would imply in a later situation I don't want to dig into

"you read unholy omens in the way people say good morning" that's what these recaps are, thank you very much harrow

that's our tagline over here, that's our brand

"how you loathed any sentence beginning with augustine says" SAME, BESTIE

I HATE THAT MAN

he can go fu— ANYWAY

harrow and yandere twin are having sleepovers so that harrow isn't murdered in her sleep

apparently the nudes are cyrus and his cavalier and yandere twin likes that energy

they gifted them to others as souvenirs too

it's like if you had a university classmate who sent nudes to the groupchat every birthday

yandere twin says augustine the asshole has agreed to help kill alleged gideon aka ortus the first

I don't trust any of these lyctors if they're willing to kill each other this easily

how do I know they've got my back in combat if they don't have each other's backs—

I CAN'T EVEN ARTICULATE MY THOUGHTS AND NOT SOUND TERRIBLE NOW THAT I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS LATER IN THE PARTY

ANYWAY

yandere twin reminisces about not having been apart from regina george twin much in their lives and hoping she's sleeping well wherever she is

I also don't know where she is

yandere twin tells harrow that she was more farsighted than her

which I'm sure she was, but she doesn't seem to remember shit about it, and the letters remain unopened

harrow thinks it's kinda gross that the cyrus lyctor murdered his cavalier to become a lyctor and then took all of their nudes to the emperor's bolthole

none of these lyctors are operating from a place of common sense, harrow

"you were lucky that the memory of your own cavalier did not hurt you—except sometimes in the form of a sick headache in your temples, or in words stuck on repeat in your head"

so, augustine's plan involves dinner

harrow, hearing that, is like this

they look for clothes in the cavalier's things

yandere twin says "valancy trinit was my height, weighed more than both of us put together, and —judging by her portraits— had a body that did not quit"

I sure hope she's a thick girl, because I've had enough disappointment with the gideon cover not letting her have the arms she deserves

I hope valancy trinit looks kinda like this

ANYWAY, here's the makeover vibes, as previously shared

apparently chad could embroider, which I have to admit is a good quality

hate giving him any props, but I must be fair

harrow painted the less cute skull in her repertoire and we respect that

they went to augustine's room and he's still an asshat

I don't like how he treats yandere twin tbh

I feel like yandere twin has a thing with validation because of how her life has been and he uses that

augustine justifies his betrayal to his fellow lyctor saying that he "caused more pain over these last scant forty years than I dare to admit"

mercygirl is also here for the party, all dressed up

SO HERE'S THE THING

I am so embarrassed I didn't pick it up on the fly and it took me the whole chapter to put it together

augustine tells her "dios apate, minor"

at the time, I didn't remember what it meant, and when I finished reading the thing, I was like "oh, it's exactly like the deception of zeus"

I forgot that's what it was called

I mean, I got the "dios" part, obviously, but forgot the "apate"

my ancient greek professor is going to come back into my life to shoot me at my doorstep

to be fair to myself, it was a long while ago that I took ancient greek

AT LEAST I PICKED THE REFERENCE UP AFTER, OK????

god, I'm so embarrassed

palmolive, I'm so sorry, I promise I figured it out eventually

mercygirl punches augustine in the face, which is great

he insists on it being "minor", which idk where the line is there and I'm not gonna ask

idk which things are or aren't...involved in a minor form of zeus's deception

mercygirl says she's not wearing the right dress, I don't think it matters, it worked just fine

CHAPTER 30

everyone gets drunk except for alleged gideon aka ortus and harrow, because they're the only people in this group project who are doing the work

augustine and mercygirl start fighting about something their cavaliers did back in the day

they start toasting for cavaliers and talking about how "hot pyrrha was"

there is no respect for the dead in the emperor's bolthole

there's about to be something else in the emperor's bolthole in a minute though

I was excited about them drinking, though, because that's when people start spilling some truths

the lost commander of BOE is a "she", her name is/was Commander Wake, she almost killed alleged gideon aka ortus

I'm still spinning with the gideon's mom theory

and the background telenovela I've got going on

BOE found a Herald, killed it and turned it into weapons against these clowns

good for them, tbh, kill these drunk irresponsible bastards

emperor reverend professor doctor john thinks it's narcissistic of him to toast to himself

I want to murder him in cold blood

I hate this man so viscerally I want to rip him apart with my hands

the twist in this book is that I'm gonna reach to his murder and it's gonna be me

it's like bastian reading the neverending story but it's me killing this man

his full name is john gaius but I had been spoiled of his name by people not tagging their posts

he also does a "your mama" joke because he's my villain origin story

"part of your brain temporarily calcified into atheism" I'M GLAD, HARROW

so, they start to make out, all three of them

I finally caught up about zeus's deception and all about here

emperor awful is sandwiched between mercygirl on a table and augustine behind him and they forget there are children in the room

well, not children, but same difference, they're a million years old

harrow and yandere twin get the hell out of that display

CHAPTER 31

yandere twin wants to kiss harrowbean before she leaves to kill alleged gideon aka ortus, but harrow doesn't let her

harrow says "my affections lie buried in the Locked Tomb" to which yandere twin responds "Somebody might even exhume them for you"

when harrow mentioned not wanting to be touched while sleeping beside yandere twin, I remembered the pool hug and all that, that was a nice time

people were being killed left and right but it was a nice time

ANYWAY

harrow has a whole plan and has it all figured out, it's a really good plan, it works very nicely, but alleged gideon aka ortus isn't where they told her he was

sometimes, life works that way

the man you plan to kill isn't in the training room and all

she goes to look for him in not!dulcinea's crypt or whatever

and she sees this

and the spear

she follows the children's hospital trail of blood to the incinerator

alleged gideon aka ortus is inside the fire thingy and not!dulcinea is operating the controls

I wonder who could have predicted that this woman could still be an issue even after death

me, it was me

anyway, no time for I-told-you-so's because harrowbean decides to help him out of there

I'm very happy because I need him alive

he knows things and he's less bad than everyone else around here

because he's upfront about the killing

he tells her some things while he's kind of out of it

like to use blood wards instead of bone ones

that it will make her safe from "us"

"I know you're there. Kill me all you like. I would know you in the blindness of my eyes" he says and, among other things "Just tell me—back then—why you brought along the ba—"

WAS HE GONNA SAY BABY???? WHAT IF HE WANTED TO SAY BABY???

I'm still on my gideon agenda, sorry if it's embarrassing to read

of course emperor dickhead stops him before he can finish it

alleged gideon aka ortus says he doesn't remember shit afterwards and harrow sees her own mental state reflected in his

they can't find not!dulcinea, apparently

she's probably operating heavy machinery elsewhere

harrow is putting up her blood wards when she hears augustine and mercygirl argue about the whole zeus situation

the incinerator alarm apparently interrupted their plan of letting this happen

whether or not they had a hand on the not!dulcinea thing idk

mercygirl says she didn't move her

we end this act with ice cube barbie maybe annabel lee saying "The water is risen. So is the sun. We will endure."

obligatory yearning for camilla moment

That is the end of Act III and of my commentary because this was way too long and I need to make less chapters at a time istg

[rxsilabeth--er]

OKAY LETS GOOO

could i get a regulus black and male reader, modern au or just a muggle au? (up to you tbh) where the reader is ghostface and regulus finds out. i would like to ask of it being suggestive or to where you limit your nsfw requests, but if you're not up for it you could change it up to however you feel fit! (..i may send more regulus requests because i'm severely deprived-)

:: Oh please be with me tonight, Mr.Ghostface!!

Now calling......author: "Hello? Yes, this was a bit hard to write, I will admit cause I'm not sure about Ghostface....But I love my Reggie and he deserves love..."

Now calling......synopsis: "...Through the night, Regulus finds himself running through the forest followed keenly by a certain someone he knows...and when he's caught...may god help him..."

Now calling......warnings: "Stalking, blood, murder, running through forest, Male!Reader, sexual content (not smut), ghostface, Reg has a mask kink? Don't know, degradation...Anyways, tell me if there is something I didn't add...Modern!AU. Trans!Regulus.. This is so shitty.."

Paying for it, she quickly pulled a newspaper, reading the top news, "...Wow, second murder in the city..No wonder they're sending us home early..." Dorcas said reading the newest case, sighing as she walked beside Regulus who nodded with her. Barty, Evan & Pandora's houses were on the opposite side, thank god Dorcas's house came in the same direction as his..It was getting dark..

As he and Dorcas parted ways and he reached home, he removed his shoes and began taking off his tie as he sat on his bed, sighing. Changing into his home clothes, he looked at his phone, a message from Barty:

"Hey Reggie, do you mind coming home to tutor me for a while? Dad approved of you, ma is out of town?? :>"

Regulus contemplated a while since it was nearly dark outside and the city wasn't really the safest after dark and Barty lived on the near outskirts of the city, which is more often than not goes through a bit of a forestry area...But he couldn't really refuse if Barty needed help. Sighing he figured he'll bring some shit to protect himself, he isn't an idiot..

Sighing, he texted Sirius,

"i'm going out, don't make dinner." and texted Barty as well,

"Alright. I'm staying over though cause it's fucking dangerous outside."

Before he simply walked out of his house, putting on some sport shoes, a taser in his pocket, softly fiddling with his keys softly. Walking, it started out normal, the sunset was actually rather pretty with it's splashes of pink, orange and blue, it made him feel happy, but he hurried his steps through the sidewalk. Greeting the florist lady, from whom he regularly took flowers for his friend group, with a sweet smile and a nod...

Walking with his hands in his pockets, he held the taser tightly as it began to get darker with the orange and pink turning into a dark blue and black..the further he walked, the more deserted it got, until Regulus was walking with his keys in one hand and the taser in there, alert at even the most minor sound.

The looming sound of the night is never something that doesn't scare a person. It's not the darkness that scars the person, it's what insides that scares you, but Regulus won't be one to say he's brave enough, cause he's truly not... Walking softly on the highway, pulling up the hood of his hoodie, as he walked. The bridge wasn't too far away, just crossing that and a bit more walking before reaching Barty's house.

a strange aura filled the highway, something looming over, his gut telling him to turn over and run, yet his brain tried to stay rational and stay calm, he had his taser and it would be easier to reach Barty's home than turn over...God, why was Barty's house to far away? It's not his fault though...

Walking as he walked down the road to the bridge, it was totally pitch black in the sky, the weird feeling not going away and only getting stronger, his breath becoming heavier for no absolute reason, the bridge and the area reeking of danger and desperation...

Softly walking, his steps fast yet he was making sure his steps didn't make much noise, no idea why, his gut told him to do so..walking closer to the road under the bridge, he heard pants, and the sounds of deep breaths and metal rubbing against stone along with the smell of wet metal...Getting closer and closer, he had no idea why his body refused to obey him now, he was gonna get killed! He leaned over softly and his stomach twisted into knots..

shit...

Blood everywhere with a body laying there, a black figure over it with a ghost face mask holding a hammer dripping with blood..Shitshitshit..Talking a few steps back, Regulus tried to make sure he wasn't breathing as if his single breath could get him killed tonight...

Just as he turned, his hand slipped as his taser fell with a cling on the floor

..fuck.

Regulus didn't even realize how he legs carried him down the road down to the edge of the forest, running as fast as his body and legs would allow him, but the sight of the figure following him was enough to tear him up from the inside as he ran through the forest, not knowing where he was headed...sounds of the dried leaves crunching underneath his feet as he ran with a towering figure's shadow covering him as he ran with the person behind him..

How long had he been running for? It did not matter as his legs started to cramp up, but he couldn't possibly stop now..No...He continued to use his hurting, tired legs to run until finally his heart twisted...Dead end.

Looking for anything as he reached the wall of another high-way bridge, he had no where to run as his vision was covered with shadow of black and red as the figure stepped closer and closer, a laugh spilling from the person's mouth... Regulus had no where of going...

The figure walked closer, inches apart, they banged the hammer beside Regulus's head, a hand snaking to wrap around his throat, pressing down softly, making Regulus's breath hitch as he lost his breath,

"Oh, sweetheart, sorry you had to see that.." a voice said, deep and clear, said clicking his tongue, making Regulus look down. the hand wrapped tightly around his throat, pressing down more making Regulus look up as both his hands wrapped around the person's wrist, blood has started to stain down his throat and cheeks from the blood of the person's earlier victim...

shit..

There was something messed up about himself.. Regulus felt, his cheeks warming up as the man wrapped his hand around Regulus's throat...

"Now why don't you try to forget what happened back there? Hm...?" the man asked, leaning close making Regulus's breath hitch, was it excitement, nervousness, fear, arousal, or something in between?! He could not tell!

Why was this happening?!

The man applied more pressure on Regulus's throat, his knees becoming weak and were about to buckle beneath him and give out, arousal had begun pooling in his stomach or was it his clit...? He couldn't tell, why was this turning him on!? This shouldn't turn him on! The man dropped the hammer, the pressure on the throat not allowing him to breath softly loosened as the man's voice came out in a mocking laugh,

"Regulus?...Regulus Black?! From school?" the man said with a mocking laugh making Regulus whip up, as he tried to struggle out, which only resulted in him being pushed against the wall more with the man's body pressing against his, their knee in between his thighs, brushing softly...fuck

The man angrily wrestled him to the ground, trapping his arms in their own muscular arm, before the man tied them behind his back with their belt, now completely forcing him down as the man clicked his tongue,

"You're fucking lucky I know you so well...You won't be recognizable and they wouldn't even find half your body...You're truly lucky, sweetheart." the man said again wrapping his hand around his throat, turning him on his back,

"Now, struggle again and you won't move a muscle again." the man said threatening, tightening his grip around his throat...Regulus could not understand who this man was, he understood they went to school together, but who was it..?

Regulus's mind wasn't working, all he knew was this guy was pinning him on the ground, his arms were tied behind his back, this guy was probably gonna kill him, this man had a hand wrapped around his throat, this guy had his knee in between his thighs pressing against his clit and Regulus was getting wet...

This was messed up...fuck...Not only that, Regulus could tell this guy knew what he was feeling on his thigh which was pressing against his cunt.

Embarrassment pooled in his stomach, clouding his mind as he squeezed his eyes shut... As if reading Regulus's mind the man laughed softly, the hand wrapped around his throat loosened as it snaked up to his jaw and his cheek, cupping his face roughly.

"Open your eyes." the man ordered, refusing to obey this or open his eyes due to the major embarrassment Regulus felt, the man squeezed his cheeks more roughly,

"I said open your eyes or your pretty skin will be stained with blood not that idiots but your own now." The man whispered calmly but the words were alarming, making Regulus open his eyes softly to stare at the Ghost face mask above him, the man sighed softly,

"Aren't you fucked up? Is this how you feel when someone holds your life above your head, you whore yourself out, Regulus?" The man said chuckling, his other hand rubbing up and down his side,

"Aren't you from a esteemed family, from a rich and respectable family? And you're here being a cheap whore to someone who might just take your life in a matter of seconds?" the man asked with a mocking laugh, his hand going back from his cheek to his throat,

"I can feel your cunt on my thigh, you're getting wet, aren't you?..Tch" the man simply clicked his tongue, "Keep this in your mind, Black. If my name gets out about being a murderer, your body won't ever be found if it's the last thing I do." he whispered before taking off his mask to reveal..You.

YOU?! You, the great, respectable, sweetheart, chaotic person he liked from high-school but never had the courage to talk to?! You, you kill people?...That's so fucked up...yet why was it turning him on more when you glared down at him...

He felt himself throbbing now..this was not good...

"oh, getting excited, are we? Tch...stupid slut." you said clicking your tongue as you leaned down, cupping his cheek while the other hand rubbed his side softly, as your hand cupped his cheek roughly, softly painting his cheek with red..

Oh how good it looked against his pale skin, you just wanted to bruise him and see how pretty he'd look... You sighed, pulling him up to peck his lips softly,

"..Fuck, pretty boy...guess you're gonna be a bit late to where you headed this late..Huh?"

© This writing work belongs to me, rxsilabeth--er, Aurelia, Rosilabeth, Cerine. Reblogging is appreciated, but plagiarizing or copying my works is forbidden, thank you for reading this and if you like this check out my blog!

[lucky-clover-gazette]

kings rising highlights & annotations

chapter 9

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

The next morning, they had to sit next to each other.

me when i’m a high school junior and had a huge falling out with my best friend who i’m totally not in love with last night but we still have to coexist in ap english class

The joint thrones today were under a silk awning, raised to protect Laurent’s milkmaid skin from the sun.

BRUTAL

Lady Vannes murmuring into the ear of a new female pet

oooooh what happened to the old one? drama alert!!

A part of Damen acknowledged, a little guiltily, that Laurent probably hadn’t deserved to get thrown around the training arena as a result.

laurent would disagree

Nikandros said, without looking next to him, ‘Your uncle has wiped out half of our army with two hundred men.’ ‘And a belt,’ said Laurent.

nikandros private twitter vent #11. incoherent violent stick figure jpegs

Damen said, ‘At least someone else has a chance to win at javelin.’

i understand that people like sports and it’s a fun thing to add to a pretty serious story but i am the buzzkill here and ugh. sports

In the stands, slaves rhythmically raised and lowered fans and brought shallow cups of wine that everyone drank except Laurent.

me getting ginger beer at the bar yesterday while the dude i was with drank an espresso martini and two whiskeys

He came forward naked, as was the custom in Akielos.

i feel like violent dangerous sports are a really good occasion to wear MORE clothing, but go off i guess

The two men scooped oil from the receptacle brought to them by the stewards, anointed their bodies with it, then they slung their arms around one another’s shoulders, and, on the signal, heaved. The crowd cheered, the men grappled, their bodies straining against each other in slippery hold after slippery hold, until Pallas finally had Elon panting, on the grass, the sounds an eruption from the crowd.

this is like the not-evil twin of the veretian court wrestling

Damen rose from the throne, and put his hand to the gold brooch at his shoulder. His garment dropped and the crowd roared its approval.

you know, damen’s lack of freaking out about some of the indignities of the veretian court make more sense now

‘Good fight,’ he said, taking his place again on the throne beside Laurent. He waved over some wine. ‘What is it?’ ‘Nothing,’ said Laurent, and found somewhere else to put his eyes.

hang in there buddy

‘What can we expect next? I really feel,’ said Vannes, ‘it might be anything.’

i love the slight disdain here

‘Who did this to you?’ ‘I did,’ Laurent said. Damen turned. Laurent stood in the entryway of the tent. He was arranged with elegant grace and his lazy, blue-eyed attention was all on Nikandros. Laurent said, ‘I meant to kill him, but my uncle wouldn’t let me.’ Nikandros took an impotent step forward but Damen already had a restraining hand on his arm. Nikandros’s hand had gone to the hilt of his sword. His eyes were on Laurent furiously. Laurent said, ‘He sucked my cock too.’ Nikandros said, ‘Exalted, I beg permission to challenge the Prince of Vere to a duel of honour for the insult that he has done to you.’ ‘Denied,’ said Damen. ‘You see?’ said Laurent. ‘He has forgiven me for the small matter of the whip. I have forgiven him for the small matter of killing my brother. All praise the alliance.’ ‘You flayed the skin from his back.’ ‘Not personally. I just watched while I had my man do it.’ Laurent said it with a fronded, long-lashed gaze. Nikandros looked physically sick with the effort of repressing his anger. ‘How many lashes was it? Fifty? One hundred? He might have died!’ Laurent said, ‘Yes, that was the idea.’

LAMEN HR COMPLAINT #8

god i FUCKING love this little confrontation. i appreciate how we can start easing into some more comedy with these specific characters, because nobody here is like actively enslaved or abused. they’re all on even footing, so shots can be fired for fun, and can be read as such. the analysis here, in short, is that damen and laurent are both insane about each other and nikandros just has to deal with it. laurent thinks it’s amusing to mess with nikandros, and to a lesser degree damen. and damen tolerates it because he knows laurent behind his performative cruelty, but can’t possibly explain that to nikandros. regardless, laurent has immunity from damen, which means he also has immunity from nikandros.

this is also a good way to show how both damen and laurent have started “settling” the matters of damen killing auguste and laurent punishing him in vere, since the last scene where both subjects were heavily referenced.

Angry as he was, Nikandros wouldn’t disobey a direct order. His training was too deeply ingrained.

i like this subtle moment. damen grew up in the same culture, yet one of his main Things in this series has always been disobeying orders he disagrees with. built different!

‘Why would you do that? He’ll defect.’ ‘He’s not going to defect. He is your most loyal servant.’ ‘So you push him to breaking point?’ ‘Should I have told him I didn’t enjoy it?’ said Laurent. ‘But I did enjoy it. I liked it most near the end, when you broke down.’

laurent calculated and performative cruelty to protect himself from being vulnerable, you know the drill by now

‘You didn’t have to come here. You could have sent a messenger.’ In the pause that followed, Laurent’s gaze shifted involuntarily sideways. A strange prickling passing over his skin, Damen realised that Laurent was looking at the polished mirror behind him at the reflection of his scars. Their eyes met again. Laurent wasn’t often caught out, but a single glance had betrayed him. They both knew it. Damen felt the hard ache of it. ‘Admiring your handiwork?’

damen: i know you came here on purpose to spend time with me alone when you totally didn’t have to laurent: [very obviously checks out damen’s bare back, and not just for the symbolism reasons] damen: you want to look at me so bad (because you have an emotional attachment to the marks and you want to torture us both about it, and also because you think i’m hot. in both cases you’re the desperate one here, i win)

‘I’ll join you after I’ve dressed. Unless you want to step closer. You can help stick in the pin.’ ‘Do it yourself,’ said Laurent.

this sounds like their prince’s gambit-era antagonistic, vaguely horny, reluctantly fond banter. we’re getting somewhere!

The fever pitch of the crowd was bloodthirsty. The okton brought that out in them, the danger, the threat of maiming. The second of two targets was hammered onto its struts, and the attendants gave the all clear. In the heat of the day, anticipation was an insect buzz, rising to a commotion on the south-western side of the field.

this is such a fucking terrible idea you are in a WAR. damen you are going to be KING. why are you risking your life to play a sports right now. it would be like if the person about to cure a disease decided to play a game of bowling with a 80% survival rate right before they finished the vaccine

Damen heard the reaction of those around him. The Veretian Prince was, at a glance, Damen’s athletic inferior. Certainly, he avoided the training fields. No Akielon had ever seen him fight, or take exercise. He had not participated in any of today’s contests. He had done nothing more than sit, elegant and relaxed, as now. ‘Veretians do not train in the okton,’ said Damen. ‘In Akielos, the okton is known as the sport of kings,’ said Makedon. ‘Our own King will take the field. Does the Prince of Vere lack the courage to ride against him?’

makedon wants that twink obliterated

Damen waited for Laurent to sidestep, to evade, to find, somehow, the words to extricate himself from the situation. The flags fluttered loudly. The stands were silent, to a man. ‘Why not?’ said Laurent.

FSIUFHSDIUFHSDF i love laurent so much it’s unreal. this is the same response you’d give if a friend asked if you wanted to get takeout on a thursday night. “yeah, why not?” mr. “probably” laurent strikes again

Mounted, Damen faced the course, holding his horse ready at the starting line. His mount shifted, fractious, eager for the horn that would signal his start. Two horses down from his own, he could see Laurent’s bright head.

their horses who are canonically in love with each other get to do homoerotic sports too!!

But the true challenge of the okton was this: if you missed, your spear might kill your opponent. If your opponent missed, you were dead.

i was going to say “thankfully there are no real-life sports that sacrifice the physical well-being and possibly lives of eager-to-impress youths looking for glory and compensation” but then i remembered american college football exists

Laurent could also throw a spear. Probably.

probably.

But all of that meant nothing in the face of the okton. Men died during the okton. Men fell, men suffered permanent injury—from a spear; from hooves after a fall. Out of the corner of his eye, Damen could see the physicians, including Paschal, who waited on the sidelines, ready to patch and sew. There was a great deal at stake for the lives of the physicians, with royalty from two countries on the field. There was a great deal at stake for everyone.

not beating the american college football allegations

Damen could not aid Laurent in the contest.

he’ll kill one of his own people by throwing a sword across a clearing to save his captor in book 2, but he won’t use his kingly authority to say “hey guys maybe let’s not put both of the army’s leaders, one of whom is the love of my life and also my divorced husband, in the hunger games right now”

There was something intellectual in the way he assessed the field, and it set him apart from the other riders. For Laurent, physical pursuits were not instinctive, and for the first time it occurred to Damen to wonder if Laurent even enjoyed them. Laurent had been bookish as a boy, before he had re-formed himself.

“he should be at the (afterschool dungeons and dragons) club”

Laurent dealt with the danger of the okton by simply behaving as though it did not exist.

that tracks externally, but i also think that inside laurent’s brain he does acknowledge it, he just has a precise threshold of acceptable risk

Instinct reacted before thought. The spear was driving towards his chest; Damen caught it out of the air, his hand closing hard around the shaft, the momentum of it wrenching his shoulder back. He absorbed it, tightening his grip with his thighs to keep himself in the saddle.

this would be even more impressive if it was not the solution to a dangerous situation you ACTIVELY MADE HAPPEN

All his attention was on the other spear, flying towards Laurent. His heart jammed in his throat. On the other side of the course, Pallas was frozen. In that stricken moment of choice, Pallas could only decide whether to dodge and risk his cowardice killing a prince, or stand his ground and receive a spear to the throat. His fate was tied to Laurent’s, and unlike Damen, he had no recourse for what to do. Laurent knew it. Like Damen, Laurent had seen it early—had seen the strut collapse, had judged the outcome. In the handful of extra seconds that this afforded him, Laurent acted without hesitation. He released his reins—and as Damen watched, as the spear flew right for him—he jumped, not out of the way, but into the path of the spear, leaping from his horse to Pallas’s, dragging them both to the left. Pallas swayed, shocked, and Laurent bodily kept him down low in the saddle. The spear sailed past them and landed in the tufted grass like a javelin.

an akielion wouldn’t think to do THAT, would they!!

(also, love the little parallel to prince’s gambit, with damen ripping the grate out of the wall and laurent’s meticulous scheming. here it’s not as much a competition as it is a mutual/cooperative victory, with damen stopping the javelin mid-air and laurent intelligently evading the other one headed towards him)

The crowd went wild. Laurent ignored it. Laurent reached down and neatly filched Pallas’s last spear for himself. And, keeping Pallas’s horse at a gallop—as the sounds of the crowd swelled to a crescendo—he threw it, sending it flying right into the centre of the final target. Completing the okton one spear ahead of Pallas and of Damen, Laurent drew his horse up in a little circle, and met Damen’s gaze, his pale brows rising, as if to say, ‘Well?’ Damen grinned. He hefted the spear he had caught, and from where he was on the far side of the course, threw; let it go sailing over the full, impossible length of the field, to thunk into the target alongside Laurent’s spear, where it rested, quivering. Pandemonium.

they are both That Bitch. perfect for each other, and now everyone knows it (kinda) <3

After, they crowned each other with laurels.

cute

There was a warmth in his chest whenever he looked at Laurent. He didn’t look often for that reason.

Their men would ride out unified, and if there was a crack down the centre, no one knew about it. He and Laurent were good at pretending.

no they’re not. they’re just becoming more entertaining and endearing than annoying and frustrating, so people are more likely to listen to them

Laurent took his place on one of the lounging couches like he was born to it. Damen sat alongside him.

and all was right with the universe

The whole room went silent. Makedon and Laurent faced one another. The silence stretched out. ‘You have the mind of a snake,’ Makedon said. ‘You have the mind of an old bull,’ said Laurent. They stared at one another. After a long moment, Makedon waved at the slave, who came forward with a fat-bellied bottle of Akielon spirits and two shallow cups. ‘I will drink with you,’ said Makedon.

i love this unlikely friendship. laurent is being socialized like a feral kitten

Laurent glanced at the wine that the slave had poured, and Damen knew with absolute certainty that if it was wine, Laurent wasn’t going to drink. Damen braced himself for the moment when every scrap of goodwill that Laurent had garnered for himself was thrown away—as every tenet of Akielon hospitality was insulted, and Makedon swept forever out of the hall. Laurent picked up the cup in front of him, drained it, then returned it to the table. Makedon gave a slow nod of approval, lifted his own cup, downed it. And said, ‘Again.’

extremely loud airhorn goes off SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS

Later, when a great many overturned cups scattered the low table, Makedon leaned forward and told Laurent he must try griva, the drink from his own region, and Laurent downed it and said it tasted like swill, and Makedon said, ‘Ha, ha, true!’ Later, Makedon told the story of his first games, when Ephagin won the okton, and the bannermen grew misty-eyed, and everyone had another drink. Later, everyone roared when Laurent was able to balance three empty cups on top of each other, while Makedon’s cups fell over.

is this just what frat parties are like?

Laurent maintained a scrupulous posture until they were all gone, his eyes dilated, his cheeks slightly flushed. Damen spread his arm over the back of his own seat and waited. After a long moment, Laurent said, ‘I’m going to need some help standing up.’

i love that damen just Waited. he knew. he wanted laurent to admit it. they’re so funny

He wasn’t expecting to receive Laurent’s full weight, but he did, a warm arm slung around his neck, and he was suddenly breathless with the feeling of Laurent in his arms. His hands came up to steady Laurent’s waist, his heart behaving strangely. It was sweetly, impossibly illicit. He felt the ache in his chest. Damen said, ‘The Prince and I are retiring,’ and waved the lingering slaves out. ‘It’s this way,’ said Laurent. ‘Probably.’

‘Is today the first time you’ve been beaten in an okton?’ ‘Technically, it was a draw,’ said Damen. ‘Technically. I told you I was quite good at riding. I used to beat Auguste all the time when we raced at Chastillon. It took me until I was nine to realise he was letting me win. I just thought I had a very fast pony. You’re smiling.’ He was smiling.

drunk laurent happily telling damen about auguste :’) also the “you’re smiling” is so adorable, i love how we’re getting some dorky soft laurent finally. he contains multitudes. this, like, “suddenly aware that he’s being cute and appreciated for it, slightly indignant but also allowing it because it’s damen who thinks he’s cute” thing is wonderful and tbh i hope i can someday allow myself to be like that too :)

‘Am I talking too much? I can’t hold alcohol at all.’ ‘I can see that.’ ‘It’s my fault. I never drink. I should have realised I’d need to, with men like these, and made an effort to . . . build up some sort of tolerance . . .’ He was serious. ‘Is that how your mind works?’ said Damen. ‘And what do you mean, you never drink?

drunk laurent is so funny. and i love how damen is amused, endeared, and absolutely fascinated by the inner workings of this man. me too.

also, it's insane that laurent would ever ask if he's talking too much. taking too much is like his entire thing

side note: this is 100% how i am when i use any kind of mind-altering substances, like a sedative before a root canal. i remember detailing how i felt in my notes app at the time and then reading it later and being both impressed by the determination to remain incoherent and amused by the inserted notes of “why am i laughing” “why is everything funny”

You were drunk the first night I met you.’ ‘I made an exception,’ said Laurent, ‘that night. Two and a half bottles. I had to force myself to get it down. I thought it would be easier drunk.’ ‘You thought what would be easier?’ said Damen. ‘“What”?’ said Laurent. ‘You.’ Damen felt the hairs rise over his whole body. Laurent said it softly, and as though it was obvious, his blue eyes a little hazy, his arm still around Damen’s neck. They were gazing at one another, halted in the half-light of the passage. ‘My Akielon bed slave,’ said Laurent, ‘named for the man who killed my brother.’

“no shit, i got drunk”

It wasn’t unusual for two young men to wander the halls together, swaying, after a revel—even among princes—and Damen could pretend for a moment that they were what they seemed to be: brothers in arms. Friends.

you guys got publicly married-divorced and laurent told an entire army that you fucked each other multiple times. you wear matching arm cuffs. even your horses are in love. be so serious rn

The guards on either side of the entrance were too well trained to react to the presence of royalty leaning all over each other.

They Pretend They Do Not See It (not an HR complain bc they’re not really bothering anyone or breaking rules)

‘No one is to enter,’ Damen ordered the guards. He was aware of the implication—Damianos entering a bedchamber with a young man in his arms and ordering everyone out—and he ignored it. If Isander suddenly had a startling reason why the frigid Prince of Vere had foregone his services, so be it.

oh nooooo what a shame if isander backed off from your man, what an unintended and unfortunate consequence, oh nooooooo

Laurent, intensely private, would not want his household present while he dealt with the effects of a night’s worth of drinking.

just got a vision of laurent as heather chandler in the hangover/death scene. wearing that cunty little robe and talking shit

Laurent was going to wake with a blinding headache fuelling his corrosive tongue, and pity anyone who ran into him then. As for Damen, he was going to give Laurent a push in the small of his back and send him staggering the four steps to the bed. Damen unlooped Laurent’s arm from his neck, disengaged himself. Laurent took a step under his own power, and lifted a hand to his jacket, blinking. ‘Attend me,’ Laurent said, unthinkingly. ‘For old time’s sake?’ said Damen. It was a mistake to say that. He stepped forward and put his hands on the ties of Laurent’s jacket. He began to draw the ties from their moorings. He felt the curve of Laurent’s ribcage as the tie threaded through its eye. The jacket tangled at Laurent’s wrist. It took some effort to get it off, disordering Laurent’s shirt. Damen stopped, his hands still inside the jacket.

:)

Under the fine fabric of Laurent’s shirt, Paschal had bound Laurent’s shoulder to strengthen it. He saw it with a pang. It was something Laurent would not have let him see sober, a keen breach of privacy. He thought of sixteen spears thrown, with a constant effort of arm and shoulder, after rough exertion the day before.

fuck, that’s right. damn laurent

Damen took a step back, said: ‘Now you can say you were served by the King of Akielos.’ ‘I could say that anyway.’

he may be white girl wasted but he’s still our laurent

Lamp-lit, the room was filled with orange light, revealing its simple furnishings, the low chairs, the wall table with its bowl of fresh-picked fruit.

this time, the fruit basket guy just showed the kitchen staff a bunch of ao3 fics tagged “in vino veritas” and told them to make it work

Laurent was a different presence in his white undershirt.

makes him sound like a cryptid. blonde man jumpscare

They were gazing at each other.

we know.

‘I miss you,’ said Laurent. ‘I miss our conversations.’

he would not have admitted this under torture

(also, i really like how he misses their conversations first and foremost. laurent really does love damen for his mind and heart, more than anything else. damen is the same, but he's a lot more vocally into the other parts of laurent too)

It was too much. He remembered being strapped to the post and half killed; sober, Laurent had made the line very clear, and he was aware that he had crossed it, they both had.

damen is still afraid to potentially take advantage of laurent, especially because of what happened the first time laurent interpreted his advances in such a light (ow)

‘You’re drunk,’ said Damen. ‘You’re not yourself.’ He said, ‘I should take you to bed.’ ‘Then, take me,’ said Laurent.

Laurent lay where Damen put him, on his back in a half-open shirt, his hair tumbled, his expression unguarded. His knee was pushed out to the side, his breathing was slow as one in sleep, the thin fabric of his shirt lay against his skin, rising and falling with it. ‘You don’t like me like this?’

first thing, good for him. second thing, not good for him, because trauma, and the fact that he sees himself as a sexual object (i went a lot more into this during the chapter 7 re-analysis)

‘You’re really . . . not yourself.’ ‘Aren’t I?’

i do think damen means this as a “you could punish me for taking advantage,” but i also think there is the fact that damen doesn’t want a version of laurent who isn’t in his right mind (like slaves, who aren’t given the ability to have minds of their own). this calls back to the whole “you like it simple” thing in chapter 7, and it’s pretty satisfying to see damen prove laurent wrong!

‘I tried to kill you. I can’t seem to go through with it. You keep overturning all my plans.’

said with hearts in his eyes <3

Damen found a water pitcher and poured water into a shallow cup that he brought to the low table by Laurent’s bed. Then he emptied the fruit bowl of fruit and put it on the floor alongside, to be used as a drunk soldier might use an empty helmet.

THEY WORKED HARD ON THAT THEMATICALLY RELEVANT FRUIT BASKET >:( although perhaps this is its true thematic relevance? a means of damen helping laurent care for himself in recovery?

‘Laurent. Sleep it off. In the morning, you can punish us both. Or forget this ever happened. Or pretend to.’ He did all of this quite adeptly,

at least he’s getting more self-aware about his own blind spots, or at least his ability to have them

Laurent, falling through scattered thoughts into sleep, said, ‘Yes, uncle.’

i think this line honestly might have been a step too far. not necessarily because it’s a bad thing for laurent to say, i get that it makes sense for him to associate this kind of vulnerability with [redacted], and it’s even possible that laurent doesn’t drink now because the regent got him drunk before he [redacted].

why i think it miiiiiiight not work, is the fact that damen doesn’t oh fuck wait i JUST made note of a line where damen acknowledges how he can “quite adeptly” ignore things, literally a few sentences ago. i can’t even say he would have noticed, or made note of it, because that is his character. and the irony is like right there on the page. it’s frustrating to read, but it’s an intentional choice. well played as usual!

[blues824]

Can I please request the remarried empress with the female douma again but with a twist .

🌈The high priest dies in a carage accident (totally not her fault because she wanted to ruin rattrash and sovieshit their lives )and her becoming the high priest.

💐People worshiping her too the point of saying that she is the only god they pray for and her going full in cult mode again and people not caring.

���But for navier going full on for her wedding praising her saying that she deserves the title of the western empress and that she should not feel guilty for taking her title.

💐Her saying to heinley she would comit genocide and war crimes for navier so if he does hurt navier he whoud feel her wrath and then smiling and saying congrats for marrying navier.

🌈How would everyone react to her being the new priest and seeing the amount folowers she has that whoud comit crimes for her from lady to queen to high priest (rattrash is fighting air rn.)

Before we start, this is an AU. I don’t know if the High Priest can get married, so this does not involve Kosair. You were still married to King Wharton III, but he died before this point and you had not remarried yet.

Sovieshu

Upon hearing that the High Priest had died and you were taking his place, any chance of you becoming his concubine was out the window almost immediately. A High Priest or Priestess always remained unmarried so that they could spend all of their time worshiping and honoring the gods and goddesses.

That, in turn, started a long night of drinking his sorrows away. Not only had he lost his wife, but he also lost you. All that he had left was a woman who knew nothing about becoming a proper woman of the court, let alone becoming an Empress.

You were actually the one to officiate the wedding between the two of them, actually. All you had to do was officiate and then you were dipping so that you could go back to running the cult dedicated to you. And let me tell you, you left right after the whole ‘you may kiss the bride’ thing.

Rashta

When she heard that you became the High Priestess, she was absolutely angry at this. You just wanted to cause her more and more trouble. In addition to that, you were the highest power in the continent of Wol, which really put her in a tricky situation. She was definitely not on your good side, so technically speaking she was on the side that opposed the gods and goddesses.

However, she let out a sigh of relief when you said that you would be glad to officiate the wedding between her and Sovieshu. After all, the Emperor has been like a brother to you since childhood (worst way to friendzone someone, but bro needs it anyway). 

During the wedding, you were shocked at the absolutely horrible dress that she had chosen to wear, but in your mind it was their wedding, and they could decide what they wanted to wear. You had a bit of a tough time holding it together as you officiated the ceremony, and you had to excuse yourself before you burst into laughter.

Navier

You were helping her prepare for her wedding when you received the news that the High Priest had been killed in a carriage accident. Navier held you in her arms as you processed the information, and she sent a servant to call Heinrey into the room so that she could ask to postpone the wedding to give you time to take over as the High Priestess.

Once the ceremony was over with, you set about officiating her and Heinrey’s wedding. You have even been there to declare Heinrey and Navier the first Emperor and Empress of the Western Empire, and it had the seal of approval from the High Priests (AKA you). 

She was able to see your growing following, and she was honestly one of them. You were like a blessing to her, and you also were deemed a child of the gods when the High Priest was still alive and when you were a child. It only made sense, really.

Heinrey

A servant had let him know that the High Priest had passed and you were next in line for the position. This position was not inherited through family members, but rather who has more of a connection with the gods. Obviously you were the best candidate for the job.

Even though your entire life just changed, you made time in your schedule to be the one to officiate his wedding to Navier. After all, it was your duty as the former Queen of the Western Kingdom. Plus, you knew that Heinrey was wanting to turn the W.K. into the Western Empire.

You decided that there were enough resources within the Kingdom to be considered an Empire, and thus he got your sign of approval. You even crowned the first Emperor and Empress of the Western Empire. You, unfortunately, couldn’t stick around for too long after that.

[ratsoh-writes]

Side Characters Ultimate List!

This list will give a brief summary of each characters role, personality and where they're from! Some summaries will be copied from old posts so if you see any repetitive descriptions, that's why.

under the cut cause its massive

The Royals

Asgore: He's a stern intelligent and loyal ruler when on the job, and a soft gentle giant when off. Asgore reigns as the main king of ebott and his main job is to keep the other royals in line, approve new princes and government officials, and acts as the tie breaker for any laws being passed or taken down. He since had gotten back with his soulmate toriel after the crash, and they recently had a child, Lior.

things he loves: goldenflower tea, gardening shows, tea packets, the color gold, golf, tropical shirts

Toriel: she is a warm witty and caring monster. currently toriel runs the orphanage in ebott city although she does join the royals when important issues pop up. When working with the other royals, she has very little patience and is quite strict, but is gentle with the children. She has since gotten back with her soulmate asgore and they had a child, lior.

things she loves: the color purple, snail pie, children, puns, fancy soaps and conditioners

Winter: underswap Toriel, she is second in line behind asgore on the line of royals, and she normally handles building safety regulations. Winter is cold and a lady of few words when you first meet her, but in reality, she's terribly shy. With people she trusts and likes, she's warm, affectionate and chatty. She is separated from her ex husband plum, but they still have a friendly relationship.

things she loves: the color sky blue, swans and geese, echo flower tea, feather quills, steamy vampire romance novels

Plum: underswap asgore, he works under winter in building regulations and helps put together funds for new roads and bridges. Plum is a flighty and easily distracted monster, but he does do a good job on his work as long as he's reminded lol. he is separated from his ex wife winter, but they still have a friendly relationship.

things he loves: the color lilac, plums of course, pickleball, marathon running, novelty candies

King: underfell asgore, he is third in line in the lineup of royals after winter. King is head of the royal guard and delegates where the troops are stationed (when something calls for large numbers of guards) as well as deciding the requirements to join the guard. King is an intimidating figure, but once you get to know him, he's actually pretty silly and playful. he loves to tease. He's very happy to be separated from summer.

Things he loves: the color scarlet, antique rings, weightlifting, cats, dueling

Summer: underfell toriel, she oversees the standards of ebotts education system at the elementary level. Spring is a very stern and dry monster who takes the rules of polite company very seriously. she is closest with toriel and miss. she's VERY happy to be separated from king.

things she loves: the color orange, sudoku, silk gloves, polite children, fancy notebooks

Spring: swapfell toriel, she is the second main diplomat behind empress and plays the "good cop" when they work together. Spring is a total snake and does a wonderful job playing a bubbly airhead to make others underestimate her. she is energetic, but is in no way unintelligent. she's extremely loyal to her best friend empress. she is happily separated from tatters.

things she loves: the color purple, cherry blossoms, conspiracy theories, velvet dresses

Tatters: swapfell Asgore, he mainly works with funding of the police in ebott. Tatters is a very blunt and straightforward monster who can’t lie if his life depended on it. He’s easily irritated, but loyal to those he likes. He misses spring sometimes but recognizes they weren’t good for each other.

Things he loves: the color orange, apple flavored drinks, tapestry jackets, smoking pot, playing dominoes

Miss: horrortale toriel. While she is still considered a royal, she’s not actively on the board unless it’s an emergency. Miss lives at and helps out at toriels orphanage. She is a tired and quiet but gentle and caring monster. On her good days she’s quite witty.

Things she loves: the color purple, snail pie, children, crochet, puns

Empress: fellswap gold toriel, she is the main diplomat of ebott, and does good at playing the “bad cop” when she works with spring. Empress is extremely skilled at what she does. Empress is a cold, petty and sometimes cruel monster, but is also loyal, believes in rewards as incentive and pays her subjects well. She respects those who she considers deserving of it. She is currently soulbonded to her human husband but prefers his identity stay secret for privacy’s sake. She hates ivory.

Things she loves: blacksmithing, the color gold, small children, fancy swords and armor, strawberry shortcake

Ivory: fellswap gold Asgore, he is the record-keeper of the royals and is in charge ip updating ebotts current history in the books. Ivory is a nervous wreck of a monster and HATES crowds. So he’s known as the hardest royal to meet. Frankly many don’t believe he’s a fell monster as he seems much too soft for it. He hates empress

Things he loves: the color white, history books, pine scented candles, thunderstorms, plum pudding

Medusa: fellswap red toriel, she works with the navy of ebott in ship and weapons regulations. Medusa is a tired yet playful monster. She had an extremely difficult time in her old au due to noble monsters constantly starting rebellions and is happy for a bit of peace in ebott. She is still soulmates with snapper.

Things she loves: snapper, the color pink, her 12 pet snakes, watching the crocodile man on tv, swimming

Snapper: fellswap red Asgore, he determines what maximum jail time and fines are appropriate for different crimes. Snapper is a total busybody, always needing something to do or else he goes stir crazy. The only one he can relax around is his darling Medusa who he’s soulbonded to.

Things he loves: Medusa, the color pink, his 4 pet piranhas, swimming, watching duck dynasty

Eros: underlust Asgore, he is the representative of the farm monsters and handles farming and pesticide regulations. Eros is a kind, sweet and a tad shy ruler. He actually never took the lust serum, and when the board of rulers was formed, gave his title of the lust representative to his best friend charity.

Things he loves: the color powder blue, scenic paintings, pottery, livestock animals, potatoes

Charity: the main representatives of the lust monsters and in charge of ebotts welfare system. Charity is a generous and caring monster, and was Eros’ best friend and advisor before the crash. She loves her job and people.

Things she loves: the color white, fire pits, s’mores, ribbon dancing, pink lemonade

Satin: lustswap toriel, she determines the age ratings of ebotts entertainment and works closely with the mettas keeping them in line. Satin is a total party girl, very extroverted and full of energy. She’s been voted the most popular royal three years in a row once. She is in an open marriage with velvet

Things she loves: the color lime green, pole and arial dancing, gymnastics, theatre, musicals

Velvet: lustswap Asgore, he handles the requirements for reviving citizenship in ebott. Velvet is a very relaxed go with the flow kind of guy. He tends to overshare in conversations but his friendly demeanor keeps people listening lol. He’s in an open marriage with satin.

Things he loves: the color flamingo pink, ethnic foods, mariachi music, musicals, pole dancing

Vamp: he decides what foreign companies are allowed to do business in ebott. Vamp is a beast in the streets when it comes to business deals, and a beast in the sheets when it comes to dutchess and their five other mates they share together. He and dutchess are the only royals to have a living asriel from before the crash, along with two other children.

Things he loves: his soulmates, his sons, the color black, silk bedsheets, fancy three piece suits

Duchess: lustfell toriel, she barters with zeus over the royals budget and what projects they’ll fund. All the planners have to get the ok from her first before continuing. Duchess is very stubborn when it comes to the royal budget, but is quite the spoiler when it comes to her family lol. She adores her five mates and vamp as well as their three children.

Things she loves: her soulmates, her sons, the color silver, pearls, fancy tea parties

Zeus: outertale Asgore, he is the treasurer of the royals and is amazing with numbers. Zeus is playful, a total flirt and has very refined tastes in what he likes to chase after ;). Unlike the other royals, he and Hestia were born brother and sister so obviously no romantic relationship.

Things he loves: the color emerald, pretty humans and monsters, grape soda, leather jackets, motorcycles

Hestia: outertale toriel, she handles the taxes of ebott. Hestia is a calm and peaceful monster. It’s quite amazing how she keeps her cool despite the chaos of the other royals. Very dignified. Unlike the other royals, she and zeus were born sister and brother so obviously no romantic relationship.

Things she loves: the color grey, vintage lace, fancy cars, sunglasses, photography

Venice: dancetale Asgore, he oversees funding the arts in ebott, mainly centers of entertainment like stages. Venice is a refined and gentlemanly fellow. He’s known for being pretty easy to work with and is a big help keeping the peace with the other royals. He and swan are separated but consider each other best friends.

Things he loves: the color yellow, dancing of course, velvet chairs, his cane, binoculars

Swan: she heads the arts department of education for ebott’s colleges. Swan is a regal elegant lady with an open mind and love for all forms of art. She can be picky, but is reasonable most of the time. She and Venice are separated but consider each other best friends.

Things she loves: the color silver, ballet, the opera, dancing obviously, patterned ribbons

Scope: gastertale Asgore, he heads ebotts medical research. Scope has only one love in his life, and that is science! Thankfully he takes his job as ruler seriously, but if the world was perfect, he’d be trapped in a lab the rest of his days. To fulfill the requirement of a second ruler for his people, he appointed his most intelligent apprentice, silk, as his second.

Things he loves: SCIENCE, oh and the color blue sometimes

Silk: gastertale toriel, she created the undernet that ebott uses today, and is both second in command of ebotts medical research and scopes “handler”. She takes great care to make sure her friend and “boss” doesn’t die of starvation when he’s on the cusp of a breakthrough. Silk is a no nonsense kind of monster with a rather dry sense of humor. She’s lovely to be around if you follow the rules

Things she loves: the color black, the undernet, scope and his team of scientists, the researchers of genetic disorders, water bears

Founder: nomadtale Asgore, he oversees ebotts national forest and the dam inside of it. Founder is a calm and gentle monster, he’s just happy to be here in a safe place where his people can prosper. He doesn’t understand smart phones. Founder is happily soulbonded to fey.

Things he loves: fey, the color cream, pine trees, the birds of the forest, swimming

Fey: nomadtale toriel, she oversees the forest with founder and regulates how much logging is allowed in it. Fey is stern but caring, and will put her foot down when founder is too easiky swayed. She understands smart phones but doesn’t like them. She is happily soulbonded to founder.

Things she loves: founder, the color pine green, wild forage, fishing, identifying clouds

Poseidon: seafell Asgore, he’s in charge of the navy, where they patrol and what they do with captured boats. Poseidon is a temperamental and harsh monster, but a good lover to his many SOs. He’s father to three children, only one is recognized as legitimate. He is unhappily separated from Salacia and wants her back

Things he loves: the color coral, sharks, guns, steak, ivory carvings

Salacia: seafell toriel, she handles fishing regulations for ebotts sea. She is a snippy and aggressive monster who takes no one’s sh*t. She has a dark sense of humor. After being cheated on many times by Poseidon, she fathered an illegitimate child herself. She doesn’t want anything to do with him

Things she loves: the color blood red, fishing harpoons, sailboats, romantic walks along the beach, murder podcasts

Lulworth: seatale Asgore, he monitors the politics around the costal cities and the factories there. Lulworth is a total nerd, and a tiny bit of a hoarder. He can’t help it, there’s just so many neat things on the surface to collect! He is separated from lapis but they have a good friendship

Things he loves: the color Ruby red, baseball cards, cool brooches and buttons, anime and cartoon figurines, glass eggs

Lapis: seatale toriel, she decides what cars are allowed to be sold in ebott and road safety regulations. Lapis is a playful and bubbly monster who adores the colors of life! She has quite the eye for art. She is separated from Lulworth but they still have a good friendship

Things she loves: watercolor postcards, the color canary yellow, floral arrangements, maximalist decor, goofy socks

Orca: seaswap Asgore, SAVE THE TURTLES- ahem, sorry, he is in charge of ocean wildlife conservation acts as well as keeping ebotts coastline clean of trash. Orca is a HUGE animal lover and is very passionate about his job. Many say he has a beautiful singing voice too. He and seahorse were ruling partners but were never romantically involved

Things he loves: THE TURTLES, sea turtle green, those tacky dolphin lamps, glass and reusable water bottles, boba tea

Seahorse: seaswap toriel, she funds and plans festivals! She was the first royal to suggest the golden festival and is trying to push for an official gyftmas parade like the humans do for their Christmas. Seahorse adores culture and celebration and believes the way to a happy people is a people allowed to appreciate the beauty of every season. She was ruling partners with orca but they were never romantically involved.

Things she loves: the color navy, every and all holidays, ornate woven grass rugs, her pet seahorse, rubies

Thunderstorm: birdtale Asgore, like Eros, he also stepped down as the bird monsters representative to step up as a representative of the farm monsters. Thunderstorm handles the sale and distribution of land to be used as farmland. He’s a cutie patootie. Just a sweet guy. Every one likes thunderstorm, if you don’t, you just don’t like nice people. He is extremely in love with his soulmate snowfall.

Things he loves: snowfall, the mountains of ebott, the color pale lilac, fine wines, sewing

Snowfall: she maintains and regulates the dumps of ebott and the recycling of trash. Snowfall is an honorable monster who isn’t afraid to do the jobs that others look down on. She’s incredibly compassionate and treats every one with respect regardless of who they are. She is deeply in love with her soulmate thunderstorm.

Things she loves: thunderstorm, the color grey-blue, art made of recycled materials, poetry, mourning lilies

Gallery: theatretale Asgore, he’s the supreme judge of ebotts court when a case gets high enough to reach him. Gallery is a fair and honorable monster, known for being ruled by facts over emotional responses. He is very polite and pleasant to work with. He and melody have a respectful relationship although they aren’t in love. Neither feel a need to search for a real romantic partner at the moment.

Things he loves: the color sage green, antique furniture, soccer, salads, the opera

Melody: theatretale toriel, she handles student scholarships for ebotts art schools as well as finding and lifting up promising new actors and artists. Melody is a flamboyant and loud monster with a love for life and music. She has a stunning high singing voice and has done a few opera roles herself. She and gallery have a respectful relationship although they aren’t in love. Neither feel a need to search for a real romantic partner at the moment.

Things she loves: the color wine, the opera, marble statues, teenagers, the comedy club.

Hercules: outerfell Asgore, he stepped down as a ruler of the outer monsters to represent factory monsters. He deals with workers rights and working conditions of the factories in ebott. Hercules is a strong fellow with a kind heart. He is harsh, but loyal and reasonable when he needs to be. He is separated from nebula but greatly respects her still.

Things he loves: the color black, Van Gogh art, metalwork, spam, sparring

Nebula: outerfell toriel, she’s in charge of ebotts small but growing air force. Nebula is a stern and unmoving monster. She has high standards for her work and hates failure. She however is also passionate about what she does and has high rewards for those who succeed. She is separated from Hercules but still has a great deal of respect for him.

Things she loves: the color sky blue, model airplanes, the shooting range, perfect posture, pickles

Saturn: outerswap toriel, she is set aside as an impartial judge for whenever government officials are put on trial. Saturn is a cool and very straight forward monster who HATES liars. Nobody wants to piss her off, her (totally legal) revenges are legendary. Like Zeus and Hestia, she and mars were born brother and sister.

Things she loves: the color orange, Roman mythology, pasta, her two terriers, lacrosse

Mars: ousterswap asgore, he handles the conditions of ebotts jails. He is a compassionate but strict monster, the perfect man for the job. He is a bit of a tease when it comes to the other royals and is the only one who can mess with his sister Saturn without repercussions.

Things he loves: the color rust red, Saturns terriers, monopoly and other ridiculously long board games, alien movies, doc martins

Fafnir: Draketale Asgore, he grants business loans using the royals budget with permission from duchess and zeus. Fafnir is a playful and gentle monster and a doting great grandfather to his children’s families, and an even more doting mate to Delphyne

Things he loves: Delphyne and his family, the color coffee brown, coffee, his grandkids art projects, baseball

Delphyne: she handles the language side of ebotts colleges working with several departments such as creative writing, foreign languages and reporting. Delphyne is the picture of elegance with a gentle dignified demeanor and a sweet personality. She’s a doting great grandmother and deeply in love with Fafnir

Things she loves: Fafnir and her family, fables, play scripts, the color moss green, slippers

Cupid: Lustswapfell Asgore, he handles propaganda and news station standards. He’s an extremely finicky and nit picky monster, which is great for his job, but bad for anyone working under him lol. The only creatures he’s truly nice to are anything toddler aged and under. He says he likes their honesty. He’s hard to please. He is happily separated from valentine.

Things he loves: the color indigo, morning glories, toddlers, visiting the library, his massive stamp collection

Valentine: she deals with insurance policy regulations in ebott. Valentines is as snobby as Cupid is picky. She hates dirt and grime and requires her working conditions to be spotless. She does love a good bout of gossip once in a while. For some reason, she and ivory are best friends. No one understands it. She is happily separated from Cupid.

Things she loves: the color peach, cheesy sitcoms, gossip magazines, spreading fake rumors to gossip magazines, ivory

Rhea: lustgold toriel, she handles the exports of ebott, making sure things are in good condition before being sold off. She’s a shrewd business woman who won’t rest till she gets the best possible deal. Rhea enjoys the fine things in life as a reward for her duties, like the best foods, entertainment, and the most beautiful soulmate, her darling tiras~

Things she loves: tiras, lingerie, the color blood red, fine jewelry, champagne

Tiras: he handles the upkeep of the government buildings in ebott center. He’s a quiet and shy monster but is also renowned for his beauty despite not believing everyone’s compliments. Tiras isn’t bothered by others attention but always seems flustered by Rhea. She’s the only one who can catch him off guard~

Things he loves: Rhea, the color gold, crochet and knitted clothing, fancy cheeses, … the lingerie Rhea picks for him~

Desire: lustred toriel, she is currently leading the battle against the human and monster trafficking in ebott. She is a vengeful and temperamental monster who can hold a grudge for scary long periods of time. She loves her people and will crush anyone who puts them in danger. Her most trusted advisor and friend is devotion. Their relationship is purely platonic.

Things she loves: the color blood, self defense weapons, teaching self defense classes, polite children, stained glass windows

Devotion: lustred Asgore, he leads the research in fertility among monsters, something he’s rather passionate about due to being born infertile himself. Devotion is aloof but gentle, only close with a small handful of people in his life, the most notable being desire. He’s been in love with her for years but knows she doesn’t feel the same.

Things he loves: desire, the color hot pink, children, frozen yogurt, taking self defense classes

Idun: drakeswap toriel, she works with scopes medical team in researching the disease dimming. She’s an intelligent and brave monster, and a big romantic. She adores her soulmate and wife, eir, a skeleton monster. She rules alongside her brother tyr.

Things she loves: eir, her grandchildren, the color mint, exotic teas, medical equipment

Tyr: drakeswap Asgore, he handles Iduns paperwork and press conferences so she can focus more on her research. He also plays representative for other royals who want to avoid the public eye. He’s friendly and easy to talk to. The public adores him for being “relatable”.

Things he loves: the color bubblegum, public speaking, dad jokes, sunbathing, beard care

Jigsaw: baubletale Asgore, he is also on the medical team researching cures and treatment for LV sickness. He is a frail but incredibly kind and compassionate monster. His bad health means that he’s out of duty quite a bit, but when he is in office, he gets plenty done. His best friend and advisor is marionette. They have joint custody of their cat, puppet

Things he loves: the color salmon, paint by numbers kits, jigsaw puzzles, redemption stories, kittens

Marionette: baubletale toriel, she works with immigration and immigrant rights. She’s a compassionate and happy monster who believes the best society is one that embraces all cultures. So she has a lot of love for the humans in ebott. Jigsaw is her best friend. They have joint custody of their cat, puppet.

Things she loves: the color royal purple, human culture, tshirts with goofy sayings, playing the clarinet, cats

Titanic: Hadaltale Asgore, he is busy making the rest of ebott more accessible to the hadal monsters. Titanic is a curious and passionate monster with a deep love for his people and family. Especially his mates Olympia and voyager.

Things he loves: Olympia and voyager, the color bright yellow, sparring, exploring the surface, sea lions

Olympia: Hadaltale toriel, she has the same job as titanic in uniting the hadal monsters wigj every one else on the surface. She’s the more cautious of the two, taking care to make sure the hadal people are getting the best possible deal. She’s a proud and affectionate monster, and a great lover to titanic and voyager.

Things she loves: titanic and voyager, the color white, sparring, stone carvings, cuttlefish

Cheesecake: flavortale Asgore, he deals with food regulations. Cheesecake just recently took the place of his now retired father mordac, and is still a bit nervous about his job. He is the youngest royal after all. The press nicknamed him cheesecake after a photo of him with cake in his beard was slipped to the public. He’s doing his best to be a good sport about it. The other royal is his aunt meringue.

Things he loves: the color aqua, all cake but cheesecake especially lol, baking, playing poker, tulips

Meringue: flavortale toriel, she handles cleanliness standards of food places and food sold and processed. She’s a jolly playful monster and mercilessly teases her nephew cheesecake and all the other royals. She’s quite close with the more serious ones as someone who never seems put off my their snappy moods.

Things she loves: the color pastel yellow, chickens, ice cream, pickleball, puns

Gloom: Grimm Asgore, gloom is a grimm goat monster standing at 8’7. He has pitch black fur a deep red beard, white eyes and two small nub horns. He is a playful and gentle monster, but has a terrifying protective streak when pushed. He’s in charge of directing the mapping efforts of the underground and providing monthly updates of such. His twin sister and playful rival is Fog.

Things he loves: league of legends lol, apple cider and pie, the color black, frogs

Fog: Grimm toriel, Fog is a Grimm goat monster standing at 8’7. She has a deep red fur, no beard and two large curled horns. Fog is a cheeky and mischievous monster. She has great skill in soothing tempers but is known to hold grudges herself lol. She is in charge of approving designs and locations for the underground highways and towns being built. Her twin brother and playful rival is Gloom.

Things she loves: the color plum purple, Victorian era furniture, root vegetables, trying strange soda flavors, swimming

Gasters

Nook-aster: (baubletale gaster). Technically aster died decades ago. Sick from the radiation on the surface, aster knew she wouldn’t live past her sons first birthdays, so she poured her whole soul into a tin doll she created. The doll, named nook, is merely a reflection of who aster was, it speaks like her, can preform basic tasks, but as time goes on, it’s magic fades away without its creator. Aster did end up living till her son’s second year of life, before she fell down and nook took over. Nook the doll did its best to raise the boys, it fed them, cleaned them, taught them to read and write, and even simple crafts. Thankfully the boys were intelligent, and as nook began to wear and slow, they filled the gaps learning more from the tapes aster left them. Nowadays the doll moves slowly, and only speaks a little at a time. But the boys still adore it and treat it as a true family member

Voyager: hadal gaster, the second father of Pearl and silex, voyager is the mate of titanic and Olympia, and first in line to replace one as a royal if anything had ever happens. Voyager was the parent to carry Pearl and silex of course, and has a very close relationship with the two as well as his other kids. Voyager is a reserved but highly intelligent monster, and was the one who discovered a way to safely bring power to the areas of Atlantis beneath the surface. He always jokingly laments that none of his kids enjoy science the way he does

Kvasir: drakeswap gaster, saga and Hilda’s father, and the retired head librarian, now happy children’s story time grandpa. He’s getting up there in years and wants to spend his retirement days relaxing and sometimes showing up on weekends to read stories to the kids who go on field trips to the temple grounds. He’s a gentle and elegant fellow who adores his daughters.

Shrine: templetale gaster, a rather bubbly monk at the temple grounds, a real sweetie. Every one thinks he’s younger than he actually is. He’s a skilled musician and plays the ambient music inside the library’s main hall

Russet: farmfell gaster, russet is a caring and intelligent monster. She was educated in an area of farmfell where most monsters were enslaved making her stand out. She has issue with the attention being on her because of this, but is doing her best to overcome holding herself back for pooch and their children's sake. She is in goldenvally working as a secretary for a wheat farmer.

Canary: birdswap gaster and the mother of mango and papaya. She’s a younger monster still in her 200s and lives with both of her kids. She’s a bartender by night and a nutritionist student at college by day. She’s a skittish and passive monster but a good mom. Since both of her kids are adults now, she's pretty hands off with their decisions, scared of letting her anxiety make her become overbearing.

Ares: (outerswap gaster) a strong and proud skeleton monster, and head of a medicine company. He misses his kids and has some regrets on how he raised them, but is too proud to apologize. He is not in contact with them. He secretly keeps tabs on helios' sparring career despite everything.

Pavo: outerfell gaster, mother of atlas and Orion, serves on the science board overseeing the core and the power plants. Pavo is rather overbearing at times, but means well. Shes incredibly proud of Atlas for following her more science oriented career, and has some disappointment in Orion but does her best to hide it. She knows it would crush orion if he knew.

Whiskey: (farmswap gaster), the father of cider and barley, whiskey used to tend the vineyard, but an old injury five years ago left him with a permanent limp and unable to do the heavy lifting. So he switched places with his brother and handles the finances these days. He's a goofy monster and always has sneaky hands ready to pinch his wife on the bum. its what she gets for always leaving lipstick stains on his skull and not telling him lol.

Copper (nt gaster): copper is alive and well and is enjoying his retirement years with his children gears and compass. He occasionally enchants the garden supplies they sell in the shop for fun. He spends most of his days though playing pickleball with a group of very aggressive women lol. Copper is a total goofball. He has rather random trains of thoughts and is great at confusing people.

things he loves: pickleball, his sons, teasing his sons, gardening

Roulette: mafiatale gaster, the father of all the mafia skeletons, and to three indiscovered skeletons. Roulette is a tragic character stuck in a state of mourning for his late soulmate, anger at his friends leaving the mafia and despair for a revenge that is no longer possible after the crash. His kids hate his guts. In the roleplays hes now deceased.

Salsa: dancetale gaster, and the doting father of pop and rhythm. Salsa is a driven busybody. He loves keeping his mind active and struggles to relax when he doesn't have anything to do. He is very elderly and is slowing down as the years go by. He works as the event planner for the royals. In the rps hes been retired from this job.

things he loves: his sons, decorating, tropical fruits, violent video games (rps)

Rosemary: farmtale gaster and mother to peaches and rancher. Rosemary is a total tiger of a mum. She's very affectionate to her sons but also overbearing and snoopy. She just wants them to settle down. She's old dammit! She wants grandkids! Dont ever mention to her that youre single, she will try to set you up with one of them lol. she owns and runs a pie making buisness that has really taken off the last few years. enough so that she and her husband yosemite were able to downsize their ranch and put the money away from the land sold to their retirement.

things she loves: her family, pie, bull riding, apples and pears

Morticia Wingdings: Grimmtale gaster, formerly named Aster, she is the mother of thistle and yarrow. Morticia is a tall Grimm skeleton standing at 6’4 and has a dim grey magic. She’s considered bloody gorgeous by Grimm monster standards. A potion accident years ago left her with her neck permanently turned invisible giving her the appearance of a floating skull set atop her shoulders lol. Morticia is elegant and mischievous, loving a good laugh at some dark jokes. She loves her sons and is very grateful that they seem happy in ebott

Alphys and Undynes

Alphys: the nerdy and awkward lizfolk we all know and love. Alphys kept her position as head scientist. She works with her team to really focus on the powerplants and development of ebott. She isn't ever touching biology/magic sciences ever again lol. Since the crash, alphys and undyne became more serious, and a few years ago got married and soulbonded. Even though its been a few years they still feel like newlyweds.

things she loves: ramen, anime, undyne, robotics and mechanics, mettaton

Undyne: the spunky loud river monster we all know and love. Undyne gracefully stepped down from the royal guard to help head the new police force of ebott after the crash. She's the chief over the main cities police units these days, but its hard keeping her in the office. Undyne would rather be out in the streets with the other officers. Since the crash undyne and alphys became more serious, and a few years ago got married and soulbonded. Even though its been a few years they still feel like newlyweds.

things she loves: anime, sword fighting, alphys, the gun range, wrestling

Cookie: (flavortale alphys), cookie is an adorable orange lizfolk monster with dark brown magic and large eyes. She’s the best friend of taffy and co-owns the shop with her and her mate bonbon. They had gone to school together, invented many of their recipes together and even lived together for several years until she and bonbon got married. Now the besties are neighbors on the same street. Cookie is a shy but sweet monster with a love for chemistry and sugar. She is the big inventor along with taffy in their business

things she loves: cookies of course, chemistry, bill nye the science guy, bonbon

Bonbon: (flavortale undyne), the best friend of taffy and mate of cookie, bonbon is the third co owner of the candy shop. She’s a strong muscular river monster with tan scales and cute cream eyes and hair. The three things bonbon loves most in the world is her mate, chocolate and her friends of course. She has a head for numbers, handling the budget of the little candy shop, and doing her body building exercises in her free time. She’s a cheerful and bubbly monster.

things she loves: anything chocolate, bodybuilding, cookie, suduko

Robber: Underwest undyne, and despite the hilarious nickname, shes no criminal but is in fact another sheriff of Goldenvalley, and has a friendly rivalry with partner. She’s still new in her job and goes to him for pointers a lot as well. Shes a bright and spunky monster, but still rather uncertain of her job as its her first time having an official title. Thankfully robber is a humble monster unafraid to ask questions.

things she loves: old western movies, cowboy hats, mettaton lol

Prairie: Underwest alphys, and partners closest friend. She breeds raptors and goes to him to train all of them. She owns a cute plot of land that she raises goats on as her primary source of income. Breeding raptors is a long and tedious job, definitely not something one can easily live off of. Prairie is a serene calm type of personality. She has a way with animals making them feel secure in her presence. Partner would've put a ring on her years ago if they ever had romantic feelings for each other.

things she loves: raptors, beer, her goats, plaid print clothes

Marcheline (drakefell undyne): She is the third in command of barins guild should anything happen to barin and arwin. She is faithful, incredibly strong, harsh, and has little tolerance for whiners. She trains the new guild members as well as helps keep up the mines. She is an incredibly tall draconic river monster with pitch black scales, moss green hair, and a pair of large curling horns that are dusted gold to match her gold eyes.

things she loves: lizfolk monsters, mushroom and bear soup, hunting

Piranha (fallout undyne): she’s a tall moss green and orange haired river monster, standing at 6’4. Piranha was only 16 when her whole world fell apart. She had been very close with her neighbors, the Wingdings. Lens’ parents babysat her, her whole life while her own parents had to work. So it’s no surprise that lens trusted cricket with her after the fallout. She thought he’d be back in a few months. Those months turned into years and piranha assumed the worst. She easily forgave him when he showed up after the crash. it was a terrible uncertain time. Piranha would rather have her adoptive older bro back than hold old grudges. However the fighting between cricket and lens make that hard. She works as a professional blacksmith

things she loves: koi fish, cricket and lens, boxing

Libra: outerfell alphys, she works for the mettas in their special effects department. Libra is a rather snappy monster. She's a perfectionist when it comes to her work and expects her team to live up to the same standards. But man is her work amazing. She secretly craves romance but worries she's too harsh to ever find a prince or princess charming.

Saggita: outerfell undyne, one of the royal guards who personally protects the royals. she is usually seen with the royals Hercules, tatters, or plum. Saggita is stoic and elegant. She's the picture perfect guard when on the job. However she hides a secret. The reason the three royals keep hiding laughs in meetings? Its her, Its all her. Saggita is notorious for the finniest dirty jokes whispered under her breath. There's a reason she's their favorite guard.

Acres: (farmswap alphys), the older cousin of the farmswap boys, acres is part of the large tribe of monsters that makes up the goldwheat brewery. She is in charge managing the shipping of the drinks, and also raises pigs on the side. Acres is a dirty monster, in body and mind lol. She's always a bit muddy looking from her job, and she's a raging perv. she loves human women especially~

Tink (nt alphys): tink is currently writing volume two of the nomad history. She’s doing very well financially after the first book and has already been commissioned by some of the other royals to write their histories. She's excited for the opportunity to work with the elusive royal, ivory.

Tempest: mafia undyne, she is Wild. full of energy, a fiery temper and just sheer audacity, tempest takes the world by the balls and makes it her b*tch. she is the adoptive older sister of the mafia skeletons, and has been both a loyal older sister and friend to them. She has been placed in the navy by the royals since the mafias rehabilitation and has been missing her family terribly.

things she loves: guns knives explosives and firrworks! oh and the color orange

Storm: underfell undyne, storm is a girly and bubbly monster, very unlike the majority of fell monsters. She's confident and unafraid to stick out though. She is still lifetime besties with edge, his one ally besides red in the underground. She works as a police officer alongside undyne on the surface. The two get on famously.

things she loves: the color pink, frilly dresses, kickboxing, sparring, fencing

Twister: underswap undyne, Twister is just fkn insane. Absolutely crazy, totally nutty. Imagine someone as passionate as undyne, aggressive as edge and as energetic as star, with a scientific inventing mind of pluto and you get twister. She's rather manic but adoring to the few people she truly calls friends. Honey, the only monster not terrified of her when they were in elementary school together, is her lifetime bestie lol. She works as a royal scientist in the weapons' division.

The Grillbys

Grillby: Grillby is a monster of few words. He’s not shy, just not the talkative type. He does have a lovely laugh though. He’s a bit of a snoop and uses his very impressive poker face to act like he isn’t listening in on his customers conversations lol. If you need good gossip, grillby probably knows all about it already ;) He owns the bar, grillbys that now has two locations! The main one is in the heart of new ebott of course, and the second is a slightly more classy version in Steeler! While he’s technically the owner, grillby still serves as the bartender in the ebott city location.

Things he loves: greasy fast food, suits, cute little dogs, playing poker, his soulmate of course, puns, juicy gossip

Felby: underfell grillby, he is a very grumpy hissy monster. He’s the perfect picture of “get off my lawn!!”. He’s unusually solitary for a monster, prizing his peace. While he is charming when he flirts, he never seems to keep relationships for long. This fact doesn’t seem to bother him though. Felby had an illegal moonshine bar before the crash, and afterwards, using those skills of his in making unnecessarily strong drinks, he had a fake license made and now runs Fireball, a club only for those wanting to get absolutely wasted. It’s located in Steeler city. He is the father of red and edge

things he loves: alcohol, hook ups, rap music, leather clothes and furniture, the ocean

Spinby: underswap grillby, he is… he’s something that’s for sure. This guy is totally nuts. Combine a hippie, a circus performer and a child who just drank a 5 hour energy and you have Spinby! He’s incredibly creative and even more bouncy. And he dresses like a walking rainbow lol Spinby owns an adorable milkshake and donut cafe in mettaland! The whole building is all rainbow pastels and he’s famous for his candy inspired shake flavors! The place is called sugar-spinner!

things he loves: greasy fast food, suits, cute little dogs, playing poker, his soulmate of course, puns, juicy gossip

Steallby: swapfell grillby, he is a very anxious monster. He’s quiet around strangers and does his best to blend in with the background, but with friends he’s a bubbly chatty monster. While he can play the nasty aggressive fell monster, he’s really just a shy baby. He’s a sweetie if one gets to know him Steallby owns a small hole in the wall restaurant specializing in soup and bread! He calls it Soul food, and it’s located in the slums of new ebott

things he loves: fresh baked bread, stainless steal cooking wares, bird feeders, winter foods, snow, soft spoken people

Grills: horrortale grillby, he is even quieter than grillby if that’s possible, and somehow is even nosier lol. He’s stopped caring about acting dignified and is quite obvious when he’s eavesdropping. He’s a gentle sort of personality, and despite his scary appearance, many consider him soothing to be around Grills was hired by grillby when leaving the institution healing the horror monsters after the crash. He works weekends as the bartender on grillbys days off

things he loves: any food, his soulmate frost, reality tv, comedy shows, card games

Chillby: outertale grillby, she is a sweet and playful monster who seems to just ooze curiosity. She’s an experimentalist and is all about those new life experiences. She prizes variety and adventure above all else Chillby is a rather famous food critic in ebott. She’s a great writer with a sensational flair to her reviews, and her good media presence means that cafes and restaurants are actually excited to see her.

things she loves: sweet foods, airplanes, zip lines, hiking and her soulmates of course

Farbon: drakefell grillby, he is a stoic and dutiful character. He doesn’t have much of a sense of humor but is kind enough to pity laugh even if he doesn’t get the joke lol. He’s also oblivious as hell and will not know if you flirt with him. He works as a blacksmith, focusing more on precious metals and small dainty creations instead of the more large hardy creations of other drakefell monsters. He’s commissioned pretty often by Ollivander to make decor for his banks.

things he loves: gold and silver, his soulmate, pretty metal trinkets, spring flowers, potatoes

Dolby: theatretale grillby, he is not one for noise or theatre despite the au he’s from. Instead he’s a man of the written arts. It makes him considered unusual to his fellow theatre monsters, but outside of that au, he’s seen as a rather chill and average guy. He’s a normally quiet monster with a talent for telling jokes at the best time. You never know when he will speak, but when he does it’s hilariously amazing. Dolby owns a simple cafe in Steeler called cup o’ coal. Its main seller is coffee of course but it also does sandwiches. The cafe is pretty popular with artists and writers because of the book clubs Dolby likes to host there, and the very comfy seating areas

things he loves: his soulmate, poetry, coffee, whipped cream, tragedy novels

Phoenix: birdfell grillby, his wings aren’t the only big thing he has ;). His ego is massive. Being treated like a prince because of his looks has definitely creeped into his personality. Thankfully he’s a sweetie at his core, and while he can come across as big headed and condescending at times, he’s also very generous and friendly with every one around him. Phoenix is one of ebotts top models. He’s in every years swimsuit edition despite not being a water type monster, and he’s especially famous for this one photo shoot advertising mellow marts new type of cheese by posing on a fur rug and pouring the melted cheese all over his… actually that’s not important. The pictures are a collectors item now though since they’ve been retracted.

things he loves: cheese, showing off his beautiful body, photo shoots, pedicures and manicures, photo shoots with babies and baby animals for those sexy calendars of hot men holding adorable things.

Kelby: fellswap gold grillby, she is fierce, stern and magnetic to those around her. She’s a monster many look up to and idolize. And she really is all that. She’s an incredibly talented individual who can back her confidence up. Don’t cross her though, her temper burns hot. She’s the owner and head chef of a prestigious seafood restaurant in Steeler. Her place is a favorite of the royal, Empress and for good reason. Everything tastes heavenly. She runs her kitchen with an iron fist

things she loves: seafood and meats in general, ballet, weightlifting, champagne and pretty scarves

Wilds: (horrorfarm grillby) the grandfather of maple and moose from their mothers side, and an extremely kind monster, wilds is a teacher at the elementary school in the farm district. He teaches the fourth graders. He used to have a chili pepper farm before the crash, but sadly gave up farming afterwards, not having the energy to start over

Extra sides

Angler (hadaltale goat): aged 140, angler is the oldest prince and the first child of the royal trio, Olympia Titanic and Voyager. She was carried by voyager and fathered by Olympia. Angler is a strong aggressive but loyal monster with a tail resembling that of an angler fish.

Pacific (hadaltale skeleton): aged 122, pacific is the second child of the trio, carried by Olympia and fathered by voyager. Pacific is an elegant monster with a taste for drama. He’s clever and known for catching people in lies. His tail resembles that of an orca

Bermuda (hadaltale goat) aged 80, Bermuda is the third child of the trio, carried by titanic and fathered by Olympia. Bermuda is… eccentric. He’s a wild card who can’t be predicted, but he loves his family so no one worries too hard. He works closely with the navy. His lower half resembles a blue finned shark

Atlantis (hadaltale goat), aged 2 and named after the city in ebott, Atlantis is the newest member of the royal family. She was fathered by titanic and carried by Olympia. She’s a bouncy and giggly toddler with a big fascination for hot wheels. Her tail resembles a spiny pufferfish

Antoine: theatretale, the soulmate of the royal gallery, she is a soft and plump cat monster with sage green magic and white fur. Antoine doesn’t like the spotlight and is a master at avoiding the paparazzi

Belle: theatretale, the soulmate of the royal melody, she is a gorgeous black furred goat monster with curling horns and a soft pink magic. She recently had their first kids, twin goat monsters, and is on maternity leave with them.

Daylily: a lily-like petal monster from templetale and the soulmate of shrine and mother of zen and shield. Daylily (or Lily for short) is also a monk on the temple grounds and is one of the main garden keepers. She’s a gentle and warm soul, well to those who don’t flirt with shrine that is.

Eir: a slender skeleton monster, mother of kvasir and the soulmate of the drakeswap royal, Idun. Eir is drakeswaps royal scientist and the head of the dimming research team. She's an elegant and soft spoken monster who shies away from the spotlight.

Jenn: a soft grey coated goat monster from drakeswap, kvasir’s (drakeswap gaster) soulmate and the mother of hilda and saga. Jenn owns a rather fancy wedding catering business and is a classy monster, but she is easily fed up all the stuffy rules of the royals. She’s glad her soulmates and kids aren’t required to be part of it.

Sicily: a splotchy looking Ruby red water elemental with blue eyes, she was duchess’ childhood friend and started as duchess lady in waiting when she was politically married to vamp, but soon was named their consort a year later. She was the monster who carried (lustfell) asriel (fathered by vamp) and later carried their second child as well (fathered by duchess). She’s also labelled a prince for her contributions to the plumbing system that powered hotland in their old au. She’s extremely intelligent but considered quite ugly by monster standards with blotchy uneven color in her water ecto. However duchess and vamp always reassure her she’s gorgeous in their eyes. She’s clearly the favorite of the five.

Lady: a black furred wolf monster with yellow eyes/magic. Lady caught vamps eye with her successful business selling shoes with hidden knife compartments. She was invited into the harem shortly afterwards after getting duchess’ approval. She’s refused an offer of prince good but has a position under zeus department handling the finances

Withergate: a very large goat monster with navy-grey fur, curly horns and deep blue eyes. Withergate was a soldier in the guard who had a way with words. Dutchess liked his poetry and with vamps approval he was added to the harem. He also serves as the children’s personal guard and helped raise them just as much as Sicily.

Rue: another goat monster, with white fur, a grey beard and no horns. He has a pale yellow magic/eyes. Rue was a prostitute underground and simply just amazing at his job. He earned both royals approval easily. He’s a tad lazy but serves well enough as a butler and entertainer when he isn’t with one of his beaus ;)

Melladrew: a pure black skinned volcanid with pearly peach eyes and magic. Melladrew was originally on lustfells science team developing the lust serum. He had been the first scientist to test it on himself. That’s how confident he was in his and his teams creation. His bravery impressed duchess and vamp and he was included in the harem after the serum became common place. He also has the title of prince for several other discoveries in the fertility field.

Kevin: a coal grey mothra monster from ????. Kevin is a strangely solitary monster. No one knows much about him but he's very friendly when approached. He lives retired as an on and off park ranger. The secret son of temmie.

Things he loves: mythology, sparring, large acres of unoccupied land, cows, giving people identity crisis'

Gomez Wingdings: the father of thistle and yarrow, Gomez is a large strong ogre mage with pitch black skin of ogre monsters, dull purple eyes, and no hair as is typical of the humans of his au. He is very happily soul bonded to Morticia. Gomez is a kind and goofy fellow who’s a total simp for his wife. He isn’t sure why his wife was so eager to take on the name Morticia after the crash, but he supports it. He loves his sons dearly.

Venom: Grimm muffet, venom is a small spider monster with a plum purple skin, thin black hair and adorable pale grey eyes. She’s aged 92 Venom is a close friend of thistle and yarrow and was their babysitter when she was younger. She is a popular potion maker specializing in potions aiming to help those with good hygiene. She buys most of her ingredients from the Wingding covens farm.

Belle: the mother of rowdy and the aunt of partner, bell is a skeleton monster aged 400 exactly. Having lost her sister and husband before the crash due to sickness and a bad rain year, she was extremely protective of rowdy. Even after the crash she sheltered him, causing him to run in order to accept the job and room partner offered. Partner and Belle had a huge fight over this and aren’t on speaking terms anymore.

Juniper: a brown wolf monster from nomadtale. Juniper is a confident playful wolf who’s ears are always perked for some juicy gossip lol. She has trouble keeping her tail still, it’s always wagging. If it is still, she’s either tired, mad or very very hungry. She works weekends at peppers nail salon, and she weaves enchanted storage baskets for extra cash.

Things she loves: nail art, basket weaving, ice hockey, ice fishing, the snow, colorful vests, pepper

Devi Thorns: a spunion from horrorfarm. Devi is pretty straightforward and honest, but that’s mostly cause she just has no sense of sarcasm. She much prefers dad jokes as a sense of humor. She’s a bit innocent and doesn’t pick up on when others are being rude, or when they’re trying to flirt. She is a firefighter stationed in goldenvalley. She's worked with partner before.

Things she loves: goat milk and cheese, long hoodie dresses, riding horses, fireworks, whittling, Smokey the bear

Argo pantheon: A blue grey sky serpent from outertale. Argo is serious and stoic when on duty, but cheeky and goofy when off it. He’s the kind of guy who would let little kids crawl all over him, but if any tone deaf adult tries it, he bites a finger off. He likes his personal space bubble. Kids are the only exception since he likes their innocent honesty. He is one of the navy seals on Captains ship.

Things he loves: being the fun uncle on the ship lol, anything teriyaki, spear fishing, watching thunderstorms, playing chess, wrestling.

Dwight Welwood: A pale blue swiftee from underswap. Dwight is a shy and jittery swiftee. He has trouble talking to new people and tends to cling to those he knows well when out in public. When he’s comfortable with someone though, he’s quite witty and has a dry sarcastic sense of humor. He works for a publishing company and is a friend of honeys in the same DnD group. He is the older twin between him and blight

Things he loves: DnD of course, fantasy novels, final fantasy games, anything legend of Zelda, battle bots, and goth girls

Blight Welwood: a blue grey ogre from underswap, Blight is outgoing, bubbly and fiercely competitive. He adores smack talk and gets along best with those who have a sassy side to them. Blight tends to be very physically affectionate with people straight off the bat as he’s used to that treatment from his clingy brother and mother. He coaches basketball and is in honeys DnD group. He is the younger twin.

Things he loves: DnD, battle bots, anything Star Wars or Star Trek, basketball and karate, cuddly monsters/humans.

Flight Welwood: a yellow swiftee from underswap. Flight is a bossy and jumpy Swiftee. She’s a bit anal when it comes to having things clean and put together, but is pretty chill when herself and her home are up to standards. She loves her family greatly. She works as a nutritionist. she is the older sister of blight and dwight.

Fun fact: she’s currently in a relationship with cinnamon, a bunny monster from underswap and an older cousin of star and honey.

Talin Welwood: A dark grey ogre from underswap. Talin is a loud boisterous monster and incredibly competitive as every other ogre. He’s got a softer gentler side though for his beloved mate lune, something only she seems to bring out. His friends always joke he’s a different monster when she’s around. He owns a popular fashion line catering to larger monster types. The father of dwight blight and flight.

Lune welwood: Lune is soft spoken and a bit jumpy although she does try hard to challenge herself when it comes to interacting with others. When she’s with Talin though, she gets more energetic and playful. He brings out the confidence in her. She currently works as a car Mechanic. The mother of dwight blight and flight.

Cinnamon Snowtuft : A greyish cream bunny monster from underswap. Shes a spunky and ditzy monster. Her clumsy side while cute, can get her in a lot of trouble at times. However she always has good intentions. She works at a comedy club in mettaland doing skits and serving drinks. She's an older cousin of honey and star.

fun fact: cinnamon is currently in a relationship with Flight, a swiftee in underswap.

Dogfellow: Dogfellow, a beagle like dog monster from lustfell, is a very successful investor. His main focus is businesses catering to canine type monsters and other furry monster subspecies, and ice cream businesses for some reason. Like many other lustfell big wigs, he has multiple mates, four to be exact, and has five children with them all. He’s worth nearly 200 million G. He considers marcello goldenfoot his greatest rival.

Bea Elvis: bea is a simply adorable whimsum from dancetale. She’s got an incredible movement to her, a very graceful dancer, and a brilliant mind. Bea invented a type of cgi that can mimic some of the more serpentine or tentacle like monsters movements better than other programs can. She patented her code and sold it off for a hefty profit and nowadays spends her time appearing on game shows for fun. She’s worth 4 million G. She’s also secretly married to napstablook

Mauve chiffons: mauve is a spunky shrew mouseling from farmswap who made her fortune selling insurance to farmers that covers bad crop years and broken equipment. She’s a wonderful example of simple honest work. Just a stand up gal. And her business employs many. She’s worth about 12 million G. Mauve has no relation to the farmswap boys, but does love their families beer.

Jonny Swartz: Jonny is a crocodile monster from underfell, and is a classic redemption story. Having been pardoned from a life sentence for theft and attempted murder in underfell after the crash, Jonny decided he was going to do everything he can to take advantage of this clean slate. So he made the AEP (apprenticeship employment placement), a company designed to take your application and find any available jobs or apprenticeships near you for the job you want. And they don’t accept payment until you get your first paycheck. There wasn’t anything like this in ebott until Jonny started it. Anyways he’s worth about 10 million G (but that might go down soon since he got caught in another murder) he punched red in the face once

Juliet mars: she’s a taller than average air elemental from outertale. Before the crash, she developed a special type of greenhouse that grew the few crops they had in space even better than the natural elements could. Her design now has been converted into what ebott uses for their AC and heating systems in buildings all over as it’s low cost to make and saves power. She was also a mentor to Pluto when he was still and apprentice back in their old au. He refers to her as aunty mars. Juliet is worth about 45 million G.

Marcelo Goldenfoot: a blue grey bunny monster from lustfell. Marcelo is a playfulm, charismatic and very intelligent monster. He is just simply talented with people and can pull a good business deal out of thin air. He's a big family man as well. He loves his work, but would definitely rather spend time with his mates and kids. He has some hoarder tendencies. Marcelo owns Mellowmart, ebotts biggest grocery store chain, and golden standard, ebotts main shipping company, as well as a variety of smaller but equally successful businesses. He's worth about 850 million gold and is ebotts richest monster

Things he loves: struggle grubs, bug meat in general, his mates and kids, early morning runs, exotic fruits and veggies, colleting historical items

Mallow Goldenfoot: blue grey bunny from lustfell. Mallow is the older brother of marcelo. Mallow is amazing with numbers and budgeting but is extremely shy and reserved. He’s technically the co owner of the companies with Marcelo but is happy to let his little brother take the spotlight. Mallow is single and likes spending time with his nieces and nephews. He has no desire to find his own family and sticks to Marcelo like glue

things he loves: murder mystery novels, his nieces and nephews, number puzzles, soothing music

Majorie Goldenfoot: white bunny from lustfell, the mother of marcelo and mallow. she’s enjoying her older years as a simple manager at one of the grocery stores. She’s extremely proud of her boys and loves her grandkids

Ronan Goldenfoot: a ginger bunny from lustfell, the first mate of marcelo. Ronan is a confident and stern monster, and a business owner herself, co-owning several of Marcelo's businesses. She is just as much of a collector as her husband. several of the other mates were brought in by her. While her and marcelos relationship isn't sexual, they are still deeply in love.

things she loves: monsters that arent other bunnies lol, her mates and kids, fencing, goin to the gun range, collecting fine art

Yolanda Goldenfoot: a topaz yellow flame elemental from lustfell, the second mate of marcelo. Yolanda is a sweet and rather vain monster, but for good reason. she's bloody gorgeous. Yolanda had stayed home with jade to care for the children most of her life, but now that the family has decided to stop having more kids, she wants to get back into modeling when the youngest ages out.

things she loves: gemstones, modeling, her kids and mates

Jade goldenfoot: a grey green bunny monster from lustfell, the third mate of marcelo. Jade is a spunky and goofy monster. She was originally hired as a nanny, but quickly fell in love with marcelo ronan and yolanda and was added to the family for real. Jade loves to play her way through life, and her happy go lucky personality brings light to all her mates days.

things she loves: puns and pranks, her mates and kids, rollerblading, dancing

Mint Goldenfoot: a half breed stone golem from farmtale, the fourth mate of marcelo. Mint is a hard working, kind and gentle monster. Her natural elegance attracted ronans attention, and she was soon added to the family after the crash. Mint provides the voice of reason to the five others when they start getting too big headed lol.

things she loves: fresh produce, her mates and kids, gardening, pro wrestling.

Percy Goldenfoot: a French immigrant human man, the fifth mate of marcelo. Percy is a curious intellectual and a very creative guy. His open mindedness and playful personality attracted marcelo and he was the last mate added to the family after the crash. Percy is the adventurous one in the family, encouraging his mates and kids to expand their horizons.

things he loves: monster culture, his mates and kids, computers and coding

Marcelos nieces: Rodney, Widget, Darla, Fern

Marcelos kids in order of age: Mellow (oldest, bunny), Fabian and Damian (bunnies), Darwin and Houdini (fire elementals),Topaz and Agate (fire elementals), Charlie (adopted, whimsum), Bodoni (adopted, skeleton), Nancy (adopted, human), Huey and Bella (bunnies), Lavender (stepdaughter, stone golem), Forest (stone golem), Lacey (bunny)

Mellow Goldenfoot: a blue grey bunny from lustfell, the oldest child of Marcelo and his mates. Mellow is ambitious and gutsy just like her father. She wants to be the one to inherit the family businesses far in the future. She's curranty running her first business, a lumber company. She relies on her dad, mum ronan and uncle a lot for advice

Lacey goldenfoot: white bunny born in ebott, the youngest child of marcelo and his mates. Despite being six already she hasn't spoken yet, but it doesn't keep her from making friends and doing well in preschool. she really likes kinetic sand and bluey

Damocles Cassia: an orange vlock from mafiatale. Damocles is a… well let’s just say he’s a total slime-ball. He’s a slick convincing businessman who can flatter away the gold out of anyone’s bank account with a wink and a smile. He likes to hide his intellect behind a playful and carefree exterior. One think you can count on with him though is his pride in his products quality. Damocles only sells the best! His biggest flaw would be his tendency to monologue and how much of a smug b*stard he is whenever he wins at something. He owns and runs a mattress store. He was an ex mafia lord and has ties to don and madame.

Things he loves: playing poker, fancy beds, clothing in jewel tones, earrings, moonshine, guns, knives, tacky tourist shot glasses, humans.

Diane Swann: a powder blue dual colored vila from birdtale. Diane is an outspoken and confident monster. She’s bold, never shying away from a fight and is loved by fans for her dry humor and elegance when arguing. Plus she isn’t afraid to show herself behind the scenes of the show, often posting herself in non-modeling scenarios, even if the picture is unflattering. She is one of ebotts top models and works closely with the mettas, and previously with pepper.

Things she loves: nail polish, feather wax, cute hair claw clips, her pet zebra finches, the color beige, anything cinnamon flavored, trying to discover the secret shampoo that Queen toriel uses, pedicures, the opera and Fortnite and tik tok dances lol

Saffron Allspice: crimson cen-corn from horrorfell. He’s a very sarcastic sassy and almost aggressive monster when you first meet him, but those who are close get a soft, sensitive and affectionate, but still sarcastic fellow. He just cant help the snark, its in his blood. He's a craft glassblower and window maker. He is currently dating harley.

Things he loves: pasta, dumplings, marshmallows, any sort of doughy food, very colorful decorations, jousting, and soft squishy monster subspecies and humans

Paprika Allspice: a peach biped-corn from horrorfell. He’s a very straight forward unicorn monster, and doesn’t grasp sarcasm very well. He's aware of this though and is pretty good at asking people questions if he isn't sure about their tone. He's a chef at a waffle house. He is the (older) nephew of saffron.

Harley Zambrana: a brunette human woman from undertale, Harley is rather crazy at times, but is usually just bubbly. Shes a massive flirt and has a thing for larger monsters especially. She used to work at willows bakery but recently landed a job designing concert flyers for the mettas. she still pops in to harass her old boss from time to time. She is currently dating saffron.

things she loves: cheese bread, willow and saffron, her pet rats, drawing and sketching

Dice (Darren): mafiaswapfell sans, he would’ve been the oldest of the mafia brothers if he had been discovered. He’s about 175 now. He’s a very serious regal/elegant monster and a numbers genius. He moved up from a lowly factory worker, to manager, to a personal clerk, then finally as a personal accountant to a very affluent family. On the surface, the humans he worked for though didn’t cross over in the crash as well. He started from the ground up and now owns a fancy casino.

Gamble (Gabriel): mafiaswapfell papyrus, he’s 130 years old and the younger half brother to dice. He’s not roulettes son but their mother’s second child with dice’s stepfather. Gamble isn’t particularly book smart, barely reading at an elementary level, but he’s incredibly personable and his goofy bubbly nature makes it easy for others to like him. Dice had gotten him out of the factory as a coffee boy to his humans, and nowadays gamble works as a bartender at dices casino. He’s a sweetie and is married to his long time sweetheart Cambridge, another skeleton, and they have a child together.

Cambridge: Gambles mate, Cambridge is a skeleton monster from underswap. He is all of gambles self control and he knows it lol. Cambridge is a stern and slightly spicy monster, but a loyal and doting mate to gamble. He worked as a trash man but is at home right now as their child is still rather young.

Slugger (Samantha): mafiahorror sans and a half breed skelehon, aged 166. She’s a blunt and a bit temperamental monster. A previous head injury before the crash left her with one working eyelight and very bad migraines. Slugger worked all her life in a meat packing facility barely making ends meet. Her mother, a rich human lady, dumped her in front of an apartment building filled with factory workers to hide the shame giving birth to a half breed monster would bring her family. After the crash, she took up the same job, working for mellow mart in one of their own packing factories, now enjoying much better pay and a home that has much more space than the shoebox apartment she used to live in with her brother.

Steel (Solomon): mafiahorror papyrus, clearly their mother didn’t learn after having Samantha, because she continued her affair, having Solomon just eight years later. Aged 158, Solomon was identified by the factory workers as being related to slugger by his scent. He was given to her and when he was old enough, joined his sister at the meat factory. Steel is a gentle soul, the light of his sisters life and has always been the one to always forgive her when she snaps at him. He’s since grown more of a spine since the crash as his sister also became softer, less stressed now that they aren’t struggling. He works as a cashier at a mellow mart and is trying to pass online high school.

Sans: a moss green bat from farmtale. sans has always had a love for nature and keeping things beautiful. She’s not the brightest monster, never got good grades, but she’s always been a hard worker and good with her hands, so ranger is the best job for her. She volunteers for trash duty most days and spends her time cleaning campsites in the forest and patrolling trails. Her father is a skeleton monster hence the font name. She lives in the same ranger circle as moose and maple

Akira Todds: dark brown garbee from lustfell. Akira is a confident and bold monster. She loves herself and wants others to find love for their own bodies. She thrives off of attention, but isn’t the type to put others down. She craves proper competition and has been known to train up other models and really sell their looks just so she can get some new rivals. She’s fun to mess with and doesn’t mind being the butt of a joke as long as eyes are on her. She is ebotts top model and was a rival to pepper.

things she loves: grapefruits and grapefruit juice, her son and his siblings, soft pajamas, self portraits, social media, realistic art and photography

Dallas: he is the resident mage on hook and captains crew. He’s a mouseling mage and is a little dwarf of a man. He’s a total crazy scientist kinda guy but he’s a loyal crazy scientist and loves his captain. He and his cousin who is a human both work as the curse-breakers and shipwrights. They’re from the farmfell au

Hunter: an olive skinned human man from farmfell. He is the cousin of dallas. Hunter has a strong sense of justice, and so stole his mage cousin away from their toxic family before the crash. Hunter is a sturdy character whos never afraid to speak up for his sense of right. Hunter is a navy soldier on captains ship with dallas.

Pooch: a red houndlike dog monster from farmfell. pooch is the mate of russet and the father of ram and pitch. Pooch is a shy passive monster. He had a hard life in his old au, but is slowly breaking out of his shell now that he's in ebott. He worked in a jam factory when living in the city, and now has a job as a farmhand for a wheat farmer in goldenvalley.

Snow Thumper: a white bunny from lustswapfell. Snow is a flirtacious and goofy character. She just loves to tease her friends and loves to (censored) them even more lol. Snow is a yes man, she's great at hyping people up and getting a party started. She is one of the prostitutes at the brothel and is in a bit of a weird "situationship" with Sir.

things she loves: dancing, summer fashion, pastels, casual hook ups, exploring new places, drinking games

Nefree: a large handsome wind elemental, he is the father of papaya. He is no contact with canary and the siblings and doesn’t know where they are. They haven’t spoken since papaya was born. Hes very good at being flattering, but has a short temper and is rather racist towards humans. His treatment of mango is what led canary to leave him. He currently works as a road paver in ebott city.

Lewis: a frail 89 year old middle eastern looking man and the grandfather of rook and harpy. (Their mother had been a half breed). Harper is enjoying his retirement on harpy’s vineyard as an “official wine taster” lol. He has a good relationship with his grandkids and is not so secretly glad that there are no more babies in the family lol

Selene: a deep blue flame elemental and the mother of Helios and Artemis. Selene is a flighty monster, always looking for something shiny and new to keep herself occupied. She is not in contact with her kids and is secretly glad she isn’t responsible for them anymore.

Jerry Hereberry: a fillerblot from undertale, jerry is the man everyone despises lol. Hes rude and condescending. He's smart enough to know this, but hard headed enough not to care. He works at the DMV and gets his rocks off by torturing people who just want to get their paperwork done in a timely manner.

Robin: a family friend and the adopted mother of quill and crow, Robin is a brunette human lady from birdtale who helped (birdtale gaster) raise her children after her ex walked out on her. Robin is enjoying her retirement in the farm district raising turkeys. The boys visit as often as they can. She's a gentle and chatty soul. Their visits to her are always longer than they expected.

Gamma: a flayer monster from fallouttale. Gamma is the only other surviving scientist on the team who made the bombs. His quick thinking in jumping continents is what kept him and lens alive in the fallout. Gamma feels no guilt over what happened, putting all the blame on the leader who pushed the button. But he does want to work hard in making up for his past. He works in the royals military testing weapons making sure they stay on code. Gamma lives with lens and is a supportive but distant older brother figure

Poppy Talliwag: a brown mousling monster from undertale. poppy is an incredibly curious and rather nosy monster. She’s one of those people who has to know everything. And with her adorable face and cheerful personality, she gets away with way more than she should. She’s a spoiled but sweet princess. she is a nuclear engineer apprentice at the core where sans and lens works. She just started so she’s mostly a coffee girl right now as she does her studies, but she’ll be getting more important jobs after she passes her introduction. She’s terribly clever but a bit of a clutz so she makes her coworkers worry. She works in the same department as sans.

Avenir Wingdings: a skeleton monster from farmtale, the younger brother of rosemary and uncle to peaches and rancher. He’s a sweet guy but has a serious case of rbf face which runs in her family. Thankfully rancher and peaches don’t have it. He owns a small herd of dairy cows on some shared land. Hes soulbonded to a whimselot monster and has two children with her.

Kavish Lyer: a human indian immigrant man. Kavish is almost 30 now, he already has a masters in dermatology and minored in chemistry. He’s a very studious man and comes from a large family of doctors. His parents are supportive of his interest in monsters and he’s hoping that once he’s finished and is making some money, that he can pay for them to come here to retire. Kavish loves ebott and wants to stay in this country. He is the only other person to live on the same floor as the mafias in their apartment building. Kavish is a bit of a shut in and honestly has no idea his neighbors are anyone important. He barely remembers they’re skeletons most days

Hydros: gorgon monster and father of atlas and Orion, retired captain of the royal guard of outerfell, runs the outer-AUs history section of the planetarium. Hydros is a monster of research, often lost in a book on battle strategies. Hes pretty forgetful when it comes to his own health and needs pavo (outerfell gaster) to make sure he doesn't starve to death lol. he spoils his sons.

Mama bug: (horrorfarm muffet)the grandmother of maple and moose on their fathers side. she’s THE beekeeper of ebott. Sure there are other monsters, but bug has the monopoly, and she will steal any swarm that stands in her way lol. Mama bug is a real beast of a spider monster. She will practically combust if she gets bored. she needs to always feel busy somehow.

Carmen: the human mother of cider and barley, she’s a real southern belle happy to help in the family brewery. She manages the one vintage bar the family still owns. Carmen was raised in a mexican household in her old au and still keeps a lot of her culture close. Shes very strict on making sure her boys keep up their spanish. She gets so annoyed when her husband whiskey pinches her, so she sneaks lipstick stains on his skull in retaliation.

Hissy: (farmfell catty) she hosts auctions where the farmers will sell tools, animals and antiques. She’s a shrewd dealer but her auctions are always the best. Hissy lives up to her name by having some famously loud hissy fits. She was born with an amazing pair of lungs. She has a massive crush on brass but isn't sure how to confess.

Brass: (farmfell bratty) she’s named brass because she’s a blacksmith, and her “calling card” is the brass “B” she puts on all her work. Anything made by brass is rumored to last a lifetime. For a monster, that’s really impressive. Her name is also an indicator to her tough as nails personality. Brass is a patient and stoic monster. She knows catty has a crush on her and cant wait to see how long the cat monster takes to break and finally confess.

Jezebel: a pink bat monster from lustfell and the mother of lush and pepper. she is a vain, snobby and sometimes entitled monster, but she can also be kind and so so sweet. She was the favorite in lustfell gasters harem for being the only one to have kids and enjoyed her status immensely. Jezebel is very proud of her boys and visits often. For work she is a dealer at a high end casino. Jezebel knows her card games and is a master at catching the cheaters. Plus she gets the best gossip there. The work is only to keep her occupied. After gaster died, she was left a very nice inheritance.

things she loves: card games, gossiping with the girlfriends and pepper, gambling, antique store shopping, getting her claws painted, kickboxing, and making homemade salsa.

Jeggar Downy: a reddish orange sunsport from lustswap. Jeggar is a determined and loud spoken monster. He’s never been satisfied being on the sidelines of life. He lives for attention and the roar of the crowd. He’s the lead singer of a heavy metal group named ‘Breaking the Barrier’ and his group has recently become very popular in the last four years. His childhood best friend is sparks. They still keep in contact.

things he loves: singing and screaming, songwriting, debating politics, collecting old album cds, watching buzzfeed unsolved, weightlifting, and taking silly personality quizzes on the internet.

Helia Grant: a sunflower petal monster from lustswap. Helia is a total extrovert. She makes friends fairly easily but gets along best with fell monsters and other lusts. Her easy going nature is hard to resist, even for the grumpiest monsters. She still lives with her parents who are extremely proud of their wild child. She’s a flirt like most lust monsters, but prefers committed relationships over flings, but because of how busy she is, dating is kinda on the sidelines for now. She’s a private event planner and the personal assistant to Satin (lustswap toriel). in the roleplays shes salsas replacement after his retirement.

things she loves: dancing (especially aerial dancing), collecting sunglasses, caring for her pet leopard gecko, trying new smoothie shops, soccer and tennis.

Hawkins: a skeleton monster from farmswap and brother of whiskey. He works in the vineyards with most of the family and is soulbonded to two bunny monsters. Hawkins is a sweet guy, but a bit gullible. He is whiskeys favorite sibling and barleys favorite uncle.

Misty maylee: an orange tabby cat monster from seatale. misty is a driven and spunky monster. bubbly when she's in a good mood, and sassy when she's ornery. Her mood switches up and down easily. She is the childhood best friend of jasper. She's working as a tour guide for seashore.

things she loves: swimming, jet skis, cute hats, tapestries, hiing fishing and human culture.

Frisk Dreemur: now an adult, frisk is an ambassador of ebott, often traveling on the job. They are still the same curious and somewhat flirtacious kid that saved the underground, they just have a big kid tote to go with it now lol. Frisk is out of town half the time, so when they are in the country, they try to spend as much time with their husband as possible.

Monster Dude-Dreemur: previously known as monster kid, monster dude is all grown up, and his friendship with frisk blossomed into a romance as they both grew together. Hes happy being the househusband for his lovely spouse when they're out of the country.

Whisp Duke Dreemur: a yellowish orange lizfolk half breed monster and the child of frisk and monster dude. whisp is only a toddler right now. she loves snails

Lior Dreemur: the infant son of Asgore and toriel. The royal baby is still only a few moths old, but despite this is beloved by the nations people.

Merlin Smelt: a teal and orange shyrin from dancetale. Merlin is a rising singer praised for his rich deep voice and jazzy style. He's stage shy though. He is a bit jittery like all shyrins and while he does want the spotlight, he doesn't think he can handle it lol. He has a big crush on vibrato.

Weave: (muffet) a red spider monster from nomadtale. Weave is a co-owner of a steadily growing boutique. The other owner is lush. Lush handles all the money part of owning the business, while weave is in charge of filling orders and training the other employees. What makes her boutique special is that she can enchant clothing to make it more durable, stain proof, and stretchier. She’s a life saver to a lot of monsters. Weave is a total sweetheart. She’s a soft spoken, snuggly, generous and kind monster. And she gets flustered very easily. The best way to get weave blushing is to complement her work. She’s very proud of her clothes. Or give her potato chips. It’s her favorite treat

things she loves: fabirc, potato chips, temmie flakes, lush

Marco Reyes: a hispanic looking human man from texas. His stepmother (also human)is from farmtale though. Marco is a playful guy whos notorious for matchmaking lol. He wants all his friends to happily pair up, and has been surprisingly successful at this. He works at a rice mill and leads a scout troop on the side. He is best friends with rancher.

Charles Barkins (mr corgi): a corgi-like dog monster from mafiatale. once a former mafia goon, now royal guard. He works alongside snipe on king Asgores security team. He deals more with the physical side of the job like the actual guarding and testing the royals food for poisons and such. Mr corgi is a laid back and somewhat catty fellow. He's a huge gossip but loyal to those who have his respect. He is snipes only friend outside of family

things he loves: hunting, rifles, sparring, crossword puzzles, camping, the color blue, farmtale monsters, ribs, breaking fingers during interrogations, babysitting his niece, snow days, fuzzy sweaters and mittens, and mixing drinks

Harper White: a blonde human girl born in ebott. she's in her senior year of high school and on weekends and Wednesdays and Tuesdays she works as a cashier at willows bakery. Shes reliable but she also just loves to annoy willow so much. She keeps changing the radio station in the store and trying to get him to let her film tik toks lol. She's a good kid though and plans to keep working at the bakery when she goes to college.

Mr Campbell: an older human man from birdswap. His full name is Brian Campbell. He is the manager of the bakery when willow isn't in that day. Brian is a good friend to his boss, honorable enough, and a great scheduler. He's a kind fellow and takes the leftover bread at the end of the day so he can feed the birds with his grandkids. His wife attends noirs yoga classes.

Danny Gage: A straight black haired woman from mafiatale. She was the ex best friend of snipe before he was whisked away by the mafia. She's a practical lady, Always looking for the logic behind an argument first. Shes a licensed therapist specializing in psychopaths and sociopaths. She is the one currently working on ace's case. She and snipe are aware of each other, but due to her profession decided its better to stay distant.

Temmie: secretly a fae from ?????, temmie is a monster from ????, wait no temmie is a monster species- why do they have the same name, are they speaking in sync-. forget all that. the collective known as temmie own a chip factory called temmie flakes. nobody really knows what theyre made of but they sure are delicious!

Yosemite: the father of peaches and rancher, and the mate of rosemary. Yosemite is a large tree golem from farmtale. He is a silent stoic monster but is really just a gentle giant. Hes happy to let his wife take the reigns and do most of the speaking for him. He helps out in the family pie business. On the side he makes leather crafts but its more of a hobby really.

things he loves: his family, pie, wrestling, cattle, bull riding

miller: the new baby brother of rancher and peaches, miller is a toddler tree golem born in ebott. He only just started talking, but he has a lot to say about his mums and dads pies! hes fascinated with the kitchen.

Lilo: a goblin monster from nomadtale, lilo is a young adult who just entered her 20s. she's soft-spoken and gentle. She's a creative lady but isn't sure about what she wants to do with her life yet, but she's looking forward to all the possibilities. Lilo works as a cashier and stocker at gears and compass' garden shop.

things she loves: pretty coins, mint bushes, bandanas

Winnie: The daughter of sugar, winnie is a half breed monster who was born in spain to her human mum, and shipped back to ebott when she was a few months old. Her mother refused to come back to ebott and didn't want the shame of raising a monster child. Sugar had no idea about his daughters existence until she was practically left on his doorstep. winnie is now 10 and is a cheerful kid. She loves everything barbie and is in beginners color guard. She used to be fluent in spanish but is slowly loosing the language

Titan: a large black scaled river monster from outertale. Titan is the father of jupiter and pluto. He's retired from the royal guard and is living his best life at seashore with his small pack of rescue dogs lol. Titan is an intimidating figure, you can just feel the seasoned warrior in his aura. Hes kind to his sons though and makes an effort to understand plutos interests despite having no head for science.

Wisteria: a wisteria petal monster from nomadtale, wisteria is a spunky and rather aggressive monster. She never backs down from a fight despite being rather weak in magic. She's sassy and has a great sense of humor. She works as an electrician in mettaland. She is infertile, but she and her husband just had a baby via surrogate together.

Linden: a green raccoon monster from nomadtale, linden is a goofy but passive kinda guy. He likes to go with the flow of life and feels no need to rush things. He works as a janitor in mettaland, sweeping up the park. His mate wisteria is infertile, but they were recently able to have a baby via surrogate.

Frankie: a brown chigupa from lustred. Frankie is a spunky bright eyed monster. She’s bubbly and cheeky. She loves teasing her friends and can be a terrible gossip sometimes, but usually she means well lol. she currently has an apprenticeship at a local hospital with the labs. Her tasks are mostly to clean equipment now, but she hopes she can move up and get certified to be an anesthesiologist. Frankie was previously part of the same orphan pack as pesto and Flambe and is still close with her pseudo brothers, even though they no longer live close. She’s been offered a job at the brothel and if her apprenticeship doesn’t work out, she plans to take it.

Things she loves: goofy looking pens, instant noodles, memorizing pharmaceutical drug names, pole dancing, breaking bad

Sylva Heifers: a green triadscog from drakeswap. Sylva is a graceful intelligent well bred monster. She’s considered a beauty by others, and it doesn’t help that she comes from an important family. She’s distantly related to the drakeswap royals and saga and hilda as well. She’s quite close to her little cousin Hilda who looks up to her pseudo auntie. Sylva is also friendly with zen and Alden and Ollivander. Sylvas family is known for their beautiful architecture. Hilda finished her apprenticeship with sagas family and company, and they were the ones commissioned to work on the temple and some of the tombs in remembrance. She’s currently thinking of retiring so she can finally settle down and have some children with her soulmate before they become too old

things she loves: her soulmate Drew (goat monster), rose quartz, buildings with large towers, chess, poetry, fried artichoke hearts.

Berkeley Dickens: a carashield from gastertale, Berkeley is a well spoken dignified and elegant fellow. He was born in high society and worked hard to respect the customs and rules of his ancestors. He has a scientific mind like many in gastertale, but takes it in a different direction with an interest in music! So despite having the attitude of the stuffy “silver” (gaster) monsters, he’s considered a bit of an oddball in his au Barkley is a conductor for a prestigious orchestra in ebott. He writes the music they play as well, designing the songs for the way the sound waves make people feel over the actual sound. However many adore his music and his shows are always packed

Things he loves: music of course, the piano and cello especially, fencing, lemon flavored ice treats, his cat Beethoven, the color navy blue, fancy pens and stationary, winter

Cotton Lee: an orange maedae from outerswap, Cotton like every maedae before her is a real spitfire! She’s got a lust for violence and her biggest goal is to be a professional fighter and to someday beat every fighter who’s ever won ebotts freedom festival battle royal. Especially Helios, she’s modeled her fighting style after him after all. While cotton is feisty, she is also a compassionate child and loves feeling helpful. Her parents found that the easiest way to keep her out of trouble is to make her feel like she’s in charge of or responsible for something lol.

Things she loves: sparring, fighting, any form of combat, Godzilla movies, her mom’s vintage frilly dresses, stealing from her moms closet, Helios, GI Joe, lace bows.

Mozzy stewart: a ginger and cream vamboa monster from farmswap, Mozzy is a huge goofball, he loves to play and joke around. And of course he lives up to his monster subspecies by being a huge flirt. However he tends to get sidetracked while picking up chicks/dudes and winds up making friends instead. Oops. Mozzy comes from a long line of butchers and follows the family business working in his parents butcher shop. He’s mostly behind the counter slicing the meat and packaging it. He takes a lot of pride in his job and hopes to inherit the shop when his parents retire as the only child who works full time there.

Things he loves: baby back ribs, pork loin, tri tip, sloppy Joe sandwiches, barbecue sauce, hosting barbecues, gardening, hook ups, hair care, volleyball, swimming, the lake

Brie Stewart-Bakers: the oldest sister of mozzy, she’s the one sibling who came out a normal human. She’s 78 now, and her husband passed two years ago from a heart attack. Brie is starting to slow down, so Mozzy moved in with her to be a helping hand. She was like a third parent to him so they’re very close

Middlemist: a rusalka from baubletale, Middlemist is very stuck in the clouds. She’s a rather distracted sort of person, always caught in the stories she makes up in her head. She’s kind and goofy when you catch her attention though! Middlemist works in Mettaland as a voice actor in the same cartoon stitches voice acts for. She plays both the main villain and the female love interest character. She’s absolutely obsessed with the cartoon she works for and operates a well known fan blog for it as well. She's a friend and coworker of stitches.

Esther Mogs: a malgoth from the factory monsters (mafia aus), Esther is a gentle and guarded character. She was in a rough area before the crash and worked half to death in a concrete factory. The crash was her big break, and taking that opportunity it provided, she managed to get herself in school. She just recently graduated college and got her teaching degree Esther just started work at a little primary school in ebott city. She works with the younger kids, a mixed group of kindergarten humans and monster children who just got control of their magic. She adores her job so far but can’t help but be skittish around one of the kids parents despite their positive history.

Feller Belted: a gleeko from underwest, Feller is a playful friendly guy. He’s super chatty and loves to hear about people’s stories. Something about him makes others wanna share, and he often winds up as an accidental therapist at the bar lol. He’s madly in love with prairie and is planning how he’s going to romance her with the help of his mate and best wingman genius, another gleeko. Feller is a farmhand in Goldenvalley. He’s a surprisingly good climber for a gleeko and works on various farms trimming trees and harvesting. When farm work is slow, he makes some killer jam to sell.

Mother Gothel: the grandmother of thistle and yarrow and the mother of morticia, she is one of the 30 fae who stayed on the surface. It’s unsure what au she’s from, but she currently has a child with a male witch from the grimms. Her husband has since passed years ago. She has a second child as well who passed of old age 10 years ago. Gothel has been traveling the world in memory of the older one visiting all the places he wanted to see. she typically takes the form of a skeleton with black bones. She says she’s like an albino skeleton but reversed. But she also takes the form of a woman with black hair, silver skin and the eyes of a crow. And when she’s feeling peckish, she takes the form of a crow owl folk.

Hansel Merlin: a bunny from grimmtale, hansel is part of the merlin coven and is the childhood friend of yarrow. Hansel is a little ball of anxiety. She has trouble talking to new people and can stress herself out so much she faints lol. Despite that she’s determined and always willing to push herself, if yarrow is there of course lol. She’s a very curious bunny and refuses to let her anxiety hold her back from chasing her dreams!

Things she loves: yarrow (like a brother), seafood, rock climbing, jump rope tricks, dancing and human women lol

Jeanie Snowtuft: a denim blue bunny monster from underswap, jeanie is the maternal aunt of star and honey, and the one who took in her nephews and helped star raise honey when their parents dusted. Jeanie is the second youngest daughter of the snowtuft bunny family and one of 11 siblings. She has a bunny soulmate, Bleau, and together they have 8 children (and honey and star who might as well be their kids too). Jeanie is a generous, kind and cuddly monster who always has an ear ready to listen and a shoulder to cry on. and she smells like brown sugar. anyone who doesn't love this mama is lying, yes you do.

things she loves: her kids and grandkids, baking, honey and star, american cop shows, nail care, true crime podcasts

Bleau Snowtuft: a chocolate brown bunny monster from underswap, Bleau is the soulmate of jeanie and the uncle of star and honey. He worked very hard his whole life to help support his nephews and kids, and hes finally been able to retire after the crash- no wait, his kids are having grandkids now. Bleau is enjoying his "retirement" days as a full time grandpa now.

Major Ell: a scruffy looking dog monster resembling a terrier with an overbite. Major is from underfell and is a notorious scammer. Hes well known for showing up at every festival in ebott and running game stands that nobody ever wins prizes at. He used to be one of the royal dog guard working under edge in snowdin.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

"It’s possible,” writes Jessica Winter in the New Yorker, “that if JD Vance had his way, citizenship in the United States would be conferred not solely by birthright but by marriage and children.” This is no exaggeration. In a now viral 2021 clip, JD Vance said: “Let’s give votes to all children in this country, but let’s give control over those votes to the parents of those children. When you go to the polls in this country as a parent, you should have more power – you should have more of an ability to speak your voice in our democratic republic – than people who don’t have kids. Let’s face the consequences and the reality: If you don’t have as much of an investment in the future of this country, maybe you shouldn’t get nearly the same voice.” This position now represents large swaths of the Republican party, which has taken on an angry and aggressively prescriptive approach to family life. If you’re a woman in America, Republicans want you to be a mother whether you care to or not. They want you to risk your health to give them more babies. Then, when those babies get bigger, they want to make sure that those children’s fathers – or, excuse me, “parents” – have a near-total control over both them and you. They don’t want you to be able to get a divorce if your marriage turns unhappy or even abusive. They don’t want your daughter to be able to get birth control if her father doesn’t approve of it; they don’t want your other daughter to be able to get the hormone treatment she needs to thrive as her truest self. They want to inspect your kids’ genitals before they let them play on the high school softball team. They want to ban books, and decide what your kids can and can’t read. They want to bar the medical treatments that allow you to plan your family and have children on your own terms – things like egg freezing and IVF. They want to make you have your children young, and they want to stigmatize those of us women who pursue our own careers, interests and ambitions instead of popping out as many children as they deem appropriate. If you say no – if you resist their prescription for marriage, motherhood and perpetual feminine self-sacrifice – they want to let you know, in sneeringly condescending terms, that you’re “childless cat ladies”, that you’re not as good as them, that step-parents are not real parents, blended families are not real families, that women who don’t have children are disgusting, worthless and deserving of contempt. If you say no, they want to denigrate you in public, punish you financially, dilute your vote and lessen your citizenship. [...] Because the version of “family” that the Republicans are putting forward is one that can only look a very particular way. In their eyes, family is a compulsory relation of domination, an institution in which marriage and parenthood function to grant men near-total private control over women and children. Women, meanwhile, face a grim fate in the Republicans’ preferred vision of family: they are forced into motherhood, trapped into marriage, and punished for resistance.

Moira Donegan at The Guardian on the Republican Party's weird obsession with familial structures (07.29.2024).

Moira Donegan wrote for The Guardian on the Republican Party’s obsession with familial structures with the nomination of J.D. Vance as Donald Trump’s running mate, as their agenda is about supporting the traditional nuclear family at the expense of all other family forms (single parenthood, blended families, two daddies, and two mommies, etc.)

[arkhammaid]

i'm curious.. you mentioned that you have many drafts, which would you love to finish? (and maybe post)

literally all of them-

no but seriously. i have a few favorites amongst my ideas which have been written out by a few sentences/paragraphes and just have been stuck like this forever because i just... dunno. don't have enough brainpower to fully write the idea out

much much yapping about some of my fic drafts rotting on the fic graveyard below the cut <3 i warned you... i wrote so much...

f1 fic drafts

son of helios!oscar

this fic is a weird mix between greek mythology and... my love for oscar. basically, oscar's biological father is helios, who, unlike the greek gods, still exists because he IS the sun. his mom did some praying (unintentionally) and asked for a son. helios gave her one. he is also a very present father and also loves oscar's sister's like his own children. yada yada, some background history of oscar's childhood and speculation of the grid about this unknown man who always seems to be around oscar but isn't a family member (can you tell... i'm a whore for outsider pov)

logan/max time travel fic

you guys know these drafts exist, so you should also know that these are just... existing and not doing much more. lol

omega!charles x omega!max

this is... just. brain barfed onto paper, i literally have snippets of outsider pov (ollie, alpha's on the grid, some chat snippets), and a cringe attempt to get back into smut writing... i have failed btw

dc fic drafts

bruce wayne x slade wilson

okay now this one... jason is slade's kid, dies and due to this, bruce finds out slade is actually his father, not willis. (yada yada, someone with an s being in willis' phonebook... it's all connected). bruce, the honorable fool he is, finds slade and brings him the news. slade is.. well, mad, because 1. his kid died and 2. his kid got treated like shit. slade really gets into bruce's head, and it's very much rancid vibes. in the end, bruce aka batman still doesn't kill, but everyone knows that deathstroke does... yeah.... and then jason comes back and is in for a surprise....

damian wayne discovers fanfic

oh boy... this one is a total brainrot. basically, damian spends too much time on his phone and discovers ao3, wattpad, tumblr, etc. he becomes a minor celebrity on tumblr due to his... damianess i would say. bruce tries to cut down his screentime, damian is not happy and as revenge he writes a superbat fic. and then, everytime someone makes him mad, he writes a fic about them. yeah. i have nothing to say for myself

fem!slade wilson x jason todd

a 5 + 1 fic, where jason discovers not only his mommy issues but also the fact that he has a massive competency kink. of course. i have written one out of the six parts

fem!jason, red hood!jason, arkham knight!jason

basically... fem!jason and ak!jason end up in rh!jason universe, they're like "okay we're triplets now" because they've all suffered beneath the same people. it's just pure chaos. as of now, they've already claimed they're clones of either lady shiva, deathstroke, batman or wonderman (with a dash of constantine because how else can you explain the magic swords) and everyone is left scrambling to actually find out if they're their clones. in the end, slade claimes them as his kids, because they were like "we will fight against you and if we win, you're our father" and he was just too amused by it. as you can see, it got crack

game of thrones

time travel robb that somehow became a girl

girl!robb thinks for the longest time, that her 'memories' of boy!robb are a warning of the gods. she has a mental breakdown before the weirwood tree and accidentally makes a blood offering. yada yada, she claims her own wolves, has some ravens as pets. important tho, the whole north is ready for her to become the next lady stark, since for the longest time, she only had sisters and no brothers. ned sees how special she is and gets approval of robert for girl!robb to become the next warden of the north. due to this, he prepares her much better. the south of course, is mad about it, but they can't do shit. meanwhile the old gods continue to torture girl!robb with visions of the future, if she doesn't keep her family north...

greek mythology in the north

basically, the old gods exist but they have the names of the greek gods. people of the north guard their religion more, targaryens grow obsessed with it, once they find out the starks own the winter crown smithed by hephaistos, from the sword and heart of the night king. which can't be true, because obvs someone from their line would defeat the night king (they forgot hephaistos is technically a fire god... yeah not really smart of them). just some ramblings about the south viewing the north as barbarians, while the north is just chilling

crossovers

sansa stark x jason todd

jason dies again, the old gods drag him through the multiverse or whatever (very murky explanation on how he ended up in westeros) and he swears fealty to sansa, when she was stuck with ramsay. i have actually gotten pretty far, but i'm stuck on where the starks search for alliances and end up going to dany for dragonglass. jason is also a son of shiva in this one, because why not

fem!jason todd x marvel

something something along the lines of jason always having potential, be it as robin, as assassin, as monk, as priest, as someone practicing magic in every universe. and in one universe dr. strange comes across jason and takes her in

bruce wayne x sung jinwoo

universe hopping, jinwoo claims bruce as his and that's it. it's well known that robin has a pet monster that looks like a giant ant and everyone in the universe knows that batman is the beloved knight of death. do with that what you will

jjk x genshin impact

yada yada, more universe hopping, megumi ends up in mondstadt, gets a hydro vision and learns the art of healing from barbara. people assume he's from inazuma, and think his father has left the clan due to the war. he does the same thing as the traveler, and just goes around in teyvat. i've gotten until liyue (and zhongli almost wanting to kill megumi because he sensed 'dark' energy from him, similar to the abyss)

got x peaky blinders

the northern nobles somehow end up in the modern world right during the ww1. i don't have much here, only specific scenes. like arya and lyanna mormont walking around with a gian dog (nymeria) and playfighting each other, while tommy is taking a double take at jon snow (who let his hair grow out and looks a bit like a woman from afar so pretty he is) because he has a sword on his back. don't ask me what was going inside my brain, i don't know myself

percy jackson x jason todd

percy has to marry someone or else becomes a god, since he's already a prince of olympus. since annabeth died due to plot reasons during the war, percy goes on search for a mortal to marry. but because gods are assholes, this mortal has to be someone. he comes across red hood who has ties with the all caste and is not immortal, so he is someone to respect. percy approaches jason by offering protection if he would ever need it. they marry, batfam doesn't know, and while they're not in love, they're friends (yes, they will fall in love, why wouldn't they)

jason todd x deamon targaryen

honestly i'm trying to decypher my own notes to this, but basically, jason founds his own assassin group, going around saying he comes of the al ghul family. no one in westeros/essos knows who this is, and he's like, well obviously we wanted it that way. daemon comes across him, has bi panic, they fuck. daemon finds out jason is magic (as in has magic sword and his wounds heal on his own) while jason gets creative with his english master and yaps about the al ghuls being demons and dragon slayers. daemon gets obsessed, while rhaeneyra is on denial because no, he can't be a sword swallower. now i would like to quote a note on this document "jason is very manipulative, fully knowing he can never let daemon run to rhaeneyra in order to prevent war (he's just delulu and likes his dick)". wow, no notes, 10/10, i don't even know if i meant for jason to have knowledge of this world???

[lasudio]

VeronaHills, Round Nine: Mann

Lunch with Cornwall Capp, the village's pride of the dance world, was an opportunity Junior couldn't afford to fumble.

Then again, affordability had never been one of life's concerns for the Mann heir. Post Wagyu cheeseburger, Junior rose from his chair, turned, and released evidence of his stomach's gastronomic capabilities across the dining table. He made a giddy remark to do with the concept of "better out than in", but Cornwall was unmoved.

"Urgh!" the moustached maestro uttered with malaise. "Did you do that on purpose?"

Junior spun to face his guest and feigned shock. "Oh dear! I didn't know I had that in me. Sorry. What were you saying about tango?"

A new hairdo and a stern parental talking to made Junior feel like a new man; one who didn't find farts amusing and had a genuine interest in getting to know the family of his soon-to-be fiancée. That included people who married into the Capp family - he'd be just like them, soon enough. Just as soon as he ran the ring past Juliette for approval. How big were lady fingers, anyway?

Lana marvelled at the miracle of Junior setting aside his martinis for marriage as she drew a bath that evening. She was gingerly dipping a toe in the water when she wavered and withdrew her leg for balance. Her foot collided with a candle, which met the bathmat in a lit up streak. She yelped and scrambled for her cell phone.

The representative from the fire department, a young man named Roberto Miceli, was not best pleased at the scene. In the time it took for Lana to throw on her spring nightdress and evacuate the bathroom, the flame had disappeared under a flood of toppled candlewax. His words descended into lecturing territory as he described the scene of the Montague restaurant fire, and how his team needed to be ready for "real emergencies" such as that. In the drawing room behind them, Lana heard Rich clear his throat and scrape his chair away from the chessboard.

"Oh dear," Lana replied. "You don't know who we are, do you?"

Under the cold light of a droning lamp, within walls grey and damp, Rich laughed as the fireman came to. He had a whole monologue ready to go about the foolishness of seeing his wife's predicament as unimportant, with an explanation of the cow-faced creature rumbling and swishing its prickled vines beside him. He usually took the time to brag: "What do you think of my friend here? A faerie gifted her to me." Alas, said creature was ravenous, and Rich barely had time to grab a vine and dramatically swing himself up to look down with a grin before the fireman was happily consumed. Not to worry, of course: the glowing yield was collected from the udders, and Rich slipped into a black car, with his cape totally unblemished.

Thanks to the fireman's donation, lovely lady Lana had a better shot of living to see grandchildren.

[catindabag]

TBOSAS on Crack short take (11)

*How Strabo Plinth’s conversation with Coryo Snow went*

Strabo: Tell me, Coriolanus, are you more like your father or your mother?

Coryo: Um. . . Weird question, but ok. I’m more like my mother, I guess?

Strabo: And why is that?

Coryo: *starts sweating profusely* We- um- we both love music and arts!

Strabo: Is that all?

Coryo: I- I also love to sing because of my gorgeous father! He used to sing to me these old but sweet lullabies when I was a child-

Strabo: My darling Crassus also used to sing to me all the time!😍

Coryo: What?

Strabo: Nothing. Please continue.

Coryo: Um- Singing and looking pretty are my best talents!😀

Strabo: Oh, that’s a relief to hear. That’s totally great! Brilliant even! Welcome to the family, my future son-in-law!🥰

Coryo: Your what?!😟

Strabo: My gorgeous future son-in-law! You see, Sejanus told me all about you!

Coryo: About me?!

Strabo: How your eyes ✨sparkles✨ like fresh fallen snowflakes. How incredibly smart you are! Top of the class! Best in your year! And all that lovey-dovey stuff couples tend to say nowadays!

Coryo: Sir?! Sir, I think you’ve misunderstood! Your son meant to say that we’re just a couple of besties who kiss and go on dates occasionally-

Strabo: And when you saved him from death, he told me that he’s now a new man with a new dream!

Coryo: A new dream? What dream?!

Strabo: Haven’t you heard the news, my boy?

Coryo: Heard what exactly?

Strabo: Sejanus told me that you told him to become ✨THE FUTURE PRESIDENT OF PANEM✨!🥹

Coryo: President of what?!

Strabo: And you also agreed to marry him!

Coryo: Marry?! I’m too young to marry-

Strabo: And since you’re a Capitol Noble with a respectable name like Snow, it will be easy for Sejanus to enter into politics!😈

Coryo: This must be a fever dream.

Strabo: Not only that, my boy! But it will be easier for my son to become President of Panem once you marry into my family!

Coryo: Into your family? What about my family?!

Strabo: Don’t you worry about that! I called your grandmother and she happily and willingly gave her blessing!☺️

Coryo: Her blessing?!

Strabo: Don’t be too harsh on her, my boy! Your grandmother basically sold you to us Plinths!😈

Coryo: She- she sold me?!😱

Strabo: To Sejanus.

Coryo: Does my cousin even know?!

Strabo: Your cousin is already making your wedding dress.

Coryo: Mr. Plinth, how much money did you pay the Grandma’am?!

Strabo: Surprisingly, she only asked that when you become the ✨First Lady of Panem✨, all the food prices, especially chocolate and honey should be covered by the government!

Coryo: That’s it?!

Strabo: Not quite. She also demanded that all of Panem should mandatorily celebrate The Festival of Roses annually.

Coryo: That’s understandable.

Strabo: And lastly, she told me to ban drunk Dean Highbottom from calling her at midnight to cry about my dearest Crassus Snow.

Coryo: Your dearest Crassus Snow?!

Strabo: My lovely Snow Angel~.😍

Coryo: But Highbottom-

Strabo: Don’t worry about that pesky Highbottom, my boy! I was also banned from doing what he’s currently doing!

Coryo: But what about my cousin?!

Strabo: Tigris just asked me to fund her lifestyle.

Coryo: So she just wanted money?

Strabo: Yeah.

Coryo: But Mr. Plinth! Sir, how about your wife?! How about you?! Don’t you want grandkids?!

Strabo: My dearest Coryo, are you questioning the power of modern science of this era where genetic mutts and advance medicine are basically at our disposal?

Coryo: No. I just thought that you would never approve-

Strabo: Sejanus said that you guys are going to marry and have kids after graduation.

Coryo: What?!😱

Strabo: After that, my son will be busy in politics, while you look after the children!

Coryo: Children?!

Strabo: My gorgeous grandkids!🥰

Coryo: How many grandkids do you even want?!

Strabo: Good question! My wife and I want to spoil at least 24 and more grandchildren! And with your Snow genes, they’ll be drop dead gorgeous like your lovely father!😉

Coryo: 24 kids?! I have to “carry” 24 kids?!😱

Strabo: YES!😈 And hopefully more!

Coryo: More?!

Strabo: You can even start calling me father if you want.

Coryo: Father?!

Strabo: Yes, that’s me!

Coryo: I think- I think I want- I want- *is malfunctioning*🫠

Strabo: And last question before we end.

Coryo: Mr. Plinth, I think I’m going to fain-

Strabo: For our new family name, which one is better, ✨Plinth-Snow✨ or ✨Snow-Plinth✨?

Coryo: *faints from the shock*

[mariacallous]

The April 10 legislative elections in South Korea loom especially large for President Yoon Suk-yeol. After winning his election in March 2022 by the narrowest margin in the country’s history, the conservative Yoon inherited the National Assembly elected in 2020, in which South Korea’s liberals won a historic landslide thanks to the Moon Jae-in administration’s strong response to the COVID-19 pandemic. Out of the legislature’s 300 seats, the liberal coalition won a 180-seat majority, the largest margin of victory in South Korea’s democratic history.

Two years into his five-year presidential term, Yoon has left a mark in areas that are down to the president alone. Yoon made profligate use of presidential decrees, executive orders that don’t require legislative approval. In his first year, Yoon issued 809 presidential decrees, while his two immediate predecessors, Moon and Park Geun-hye, issued 660 and 653 decrees, respectively, in their first years. Yoon also exerted influence through his appointments—most notably Park Min, the new head of the state-owned broadcaster KBS who sacked popular liberal journalists as soon as he took office. In foreign policy, Yoon capitulated to Japan’s demands to sideline World War II-era Korean forced laborers and release wastewater from the failed Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant, paving the way for U.S.-Japan-South Korea trilateral cooperation.

But in areas that require legislative assent, Yoon has been stymied. The South Korean Constitution allows the executive branch to directly propose a bill to the legislature. For the first six months of Yoon’s presidency, the National Assembly refused to pass a single bill proposed by the government. Yoon’s campaign pledge of abolishing the Ministry of Gender Equality and Family, pandering to the toxic misogyny rampant among young Korean men and fueling their conservative turn, has not come to pass because a reorganization of cabinet ministries requires passing a law. (Yoon has responded by simply refusing to appoint a gender equality minister.)

Meanwhile, the opposition Democratic Party has leveraged its commanding majority to pass laws that could have been highly damaging to Yoon, such as providing for special prosecutor investigations of the Itaewon Halloween disaster, in which 159 partygoers died in crushing crowds in Seoul’s popular nightlife district, and the alleged stock pump-and-dump scheme on the part of first lady Kim Keon-hee. Each time, Yoon responded by exercising a presidential veto, quickly racking up nine vetoes in the first two years of his presidency—equal to the total number of vetoes exercised by six of his predecessors combined.

Naturally, the Yoon administration and the ruling People Power Party (PPP) are heavily focused on recapturing the legislative majority in elections this month. Yoon was able to win the presidency by flipping a significant part of Seoul from liberal to conservative between 2020 and 2022, by pandering heavily to grievances over rising property tax. The real estate slump since Yoon’s election—Seoul’s condominium prices dipped by more than 7 percent in the past year—threatened to erode that support, as the lower condo price damaged upper-middle-class Seoul residents’ primary investment while the decreased profits and higher interest rate pushed large construction companies to the brink.

In response, South Korea’s Financial Supervisory Service audited banks for charging what the regulators claimed were overly high interest rates, in a move seen as a tactic to pressure banks to extend loans to companies that posed a credit risk. The government also delayed the publication of major economic indicators such as the previous year’s budget deficit and the rising price of consumer goods until after election day on April 10.

For its interim leader in the run-up to the election, the PPP tapped Han Dong-hoon, Yoon’s justice minister and heir apparent. Because of his patrician air and relative youth at 51 years old, Han has been hailed as representing the next generation of conservatives. In the words of conservative columnist Kim Soon-deok of Dong-A Ilbo, Han stands in contrast to Yoon in three ways: “First, he does not drink. Second, he is not a stinky old man. Third, he dresses well and speaks with refined language.” With Han at the center, the conservative party has been able to distance itself from the deeply unpopular president.

The Yoon administration also enjoyed a bump in popularity with its proposal to increase the number of medical students by 2,000—a significant jump from the current level of around 3,000. South Korea has a very low number of doctors, which has resulted in a lack of access to medical care especially outside the Seoul metropolitan area. At just 2.6 doctors per 1,000 people, it’s as low as in the United States, which also has a significant and artificially created shortage, and less than half of the number of most developed countries. Doctors reacted strongly, with more than 90 percent of interns and residents going on strike. Nevertheless, the Yoon administration effectively painted doctors as money-grubbers who wished to artificially restrict the size of their ranks to protect their bottom line. With all these moves, by late February it appeared that Yoon and the conservatives had put themselves in the pole position.

Meanwhile, South Korean liberals have been mired in a civil war. Lee Jae-myung, the leader of the Democratic Party and a former presidential candidate who opposed Yoon, began as a member of the minority faction within his party. As the Democratic Party finalized its slate of candidates in February, the legislators not aligned with Lee found themselves sidelined from running for their seats again. Many of them—including high-ranking members such as Assembly Deputy Speaker Kim Young-joo—quit the party, casting their lot with the PPP or seeking a third-party bid with former Prime Minister Lee Nak-yeon, who lost a bitter presidential primary against Lee in 2021.

But the campaign landscape changed dramatically in March as a new third party, the Rebuilding Korea Party (RKP), took the scene by storm. The RKP was founded by Cho Kuk, who was widely considered to be the heir apparent to Moon as the liberal president’s justice minister. Instead, Cho’s short time in office fueled the rise of Yoon.

As South Korea’s prosecutor general at the time, Yoon conducted a massive investigation campaign against Cho and his family, eventually putting his wife in prison for forging a service certificate that was included in their daughter’s college applications. Yoon’s prosecution of Cho galvanized the conservatives, who saw Cho as a symbol of liberal hypocrisy. Liberals, on the other hand, saw Cho as a martyr whose family was destroyed for the sake of Yoon’s quest for power.

With Yoon’s unpopularity, the latter narrative began to win out. The RKP’s slogan is not subtle: “Three years is too long,” referring to the remaining term of Yoon’s presidency. The new party quickly became the rallying flag for South Korean liberals critical of Yoon but disappointed with the Democratic Party’s internal squabbling. Even moderates began joining the RKP ranks, attracted by the clear message of punishing the Yoon administration. Within weeks of its launch, the RKP became South Korea’s most popular party with approximately 25 percent support.

A major turning point came on March 18, when Yoon made a highly publicized visit to a supermarket—a photo op to show that the president was tending to the wild increase in food prices. In January and February, the cost of food in South Korea increased by 6.7 percent year over year, with popular items like apples rising by as much as 121.9 percent in the same period, resulting in some supermarkets selling a single apple for 19,800 won (about $15).

At the supermarket, Yoon held up a bundle of scallions and said: “I do a lot of grocery shopping, and 875 won for a bundle seems reasonable.” But in most grocery stores around South Korea, a bundle of scallions typically sells for between 4,000 and 7,000 won; the supermarket that Yoon visited just happened to be running a suspiciously well-timed promotion on scallions.

Yoon’s attempt at Potemkin produce, over a household item whose price is common knowledge, instantly became fodder for viral mockery. Especially in the Seoul metropolitan area, where partisanship is relatively weak and election results tend to alternate, support for the conservatives began crashing. Yoon’s gaffe, and the rise of his nemesis Cho, is threatening to reverse the gain that South Korea’s conservatives have made in Seoul in the past two years.

Seeking to recapture the momentum, Yoon took to the bully pulpit on April 1 to exhort the striking doctors to return to work. But the government’s standoff against doctors is now losing popularity, as the public is facing the consequences of a lack of medical care, such as emergency rooms rejecting ambulances and cancer surgeries being delayed indefinitely. The newly elected head of the Korea Medical Association vowed that the doctors would not negotiate unless Yoon apologized and sacked the health minister.

In his April 1 statement, Yoon offered no compromise—a stance that has done little for conservatives as election day approaches. After the president’s address, one unnamed conservative legislator despaired: “I feel like a dinosaur looking up at the oncoming comet, sensing our extinction.”

[willalove75]

Firstly, I just want to express how much I admire your writing/stories. I get excited to read your work, either here or on AO3!

Secondly, I just want to thank you for being such a supportive person when it comes to other people’s work/writing. Not many authors who are as popular as you support fellow authors and artists. Many “big name” stories and authors (that I shall not name but they likely know who they are) tend to either only support their friends/people they speak with on Tumblr or not at all. It is a bit discouraging when so many readers look for that “stamp of approval” and avoid great stories because they don’t generate enough buzz with the more veteran writers.

You and perhaps a handful of other authors support many stories (popular, new, or even unknown).

This is by no means a bashing or negative statement from me. I only wish to shed light on a very real issue facing many writers (especially in this fandom).

I even see it with relatively popular stories (a few you recommend and were recommended to you) some of those stories should be much more popular and shared. Especially when I see those authors support new stories.

I just hope we can get to a place where talented and well-known authors such as yourself uplift others. Especially when I’ve seen so many post about people upset with the lack of Lady D content (either writing or drawing) yet, this fandom isn’t as supportive as it should be, which is why so many people are discouraged to start writing or even finish their current stories.

I think for 2024, if a story is within your filter, everyone should make an effort to read the new and old stories. If a story has been on your “to read list” now should be the time to open it up and perhaps drop a kudo or a comment if you enjoyed it. We all know how amazing, validating, and encouraging that feels. We should want to spread that feeling!

So thank you, for all the support you show. And I hope you are able to share this post because I think so many need to see it and know they aren’t alone if they feel like this.

AW thank you so, so much!!

I love being able to support other artists & writers work! I also think it's super important to support those that do/have contributed to the fandom! I know for a fact that I wouldn't be here if it weren't for the art and fics I've found, which in turn gave me the confidence to create my own stories.

I've been lucky enough to have gained a small following here and I owe pretty much all of it to the people who reblogged and supported my stories when I first started. When I see artwork or fics pop up in the tags I follow or on my dash I always try to reblog them and support the creator.

I totally understand the "stamp of approval" thing you were talking about, and it's something I've definitely been guilty of looking for. But at the end of the day, as long as there are people who are still enjoying my stories and what I create, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It doesn't matter if it's 5 or 500 people that are interacting with your art/writing, as long as you enjoy it, I say keep at it!

For me, I love being able to share new (or old!) artworks and fics I find on here with my followers and I have no plans on stopping anytime soon!

[latibvles]

POET!!!! :D hello my friend! may i please request ‘napping in sunshine’ for an OC of your choosing? one that is maybe established or a new one you’ve made but haven’t had anywhere to put yet? or anything you want that sparks some fun!!! :) thank youuu!

right so does anyone have those OCs that you didn't plan to launch but... they breach containment and demand to be seen? that's what happened here. so uh... here's June, one of several members of a lady-pilot crew who deserves nice things. and also a couple name drops of another one of these girls there are ten of them total please send help you know how Taylor swift has her vault songs? This is like one of those for me

—

## NAPPING IN SUNSHINE

June Cielinski is deserving of nice things.

June Cielinski works just as hard as everyone else here, and June Cielinski knows what it is to go up and come down. Because Sergeant June fucking Cielinski pulled her friend bloodied and battered out of the fort because that’s what a good teammate does. And apparently her quick first aid in the air is what kept Hughes breathing all the way back to England. So maybe nice things are rationed, but by God if she doesn’t deserve them.

The sun warms her skin and this spot of land is quiet. Her jacket feels softer than it’s ever been, beneath her back like this, and she’ll worry about plucking blades of grass from her hair at a later time. She stretches out her legs, her arms, letting out a whine of approval before resettling into the spot. A nap is a nice thing, a nap on a sunny day is a nicer thing. It’s quiet and warm and before she’s even realizing it she’s dozing off, eyes fluttering shut almost too easily.

Because there’s always a catch, isn’t there?

She doesn’t know how long she’s been laying there before she hears indiscernible swearing, a huff, a bark, and she’s too late to stop it before her face is wet and she lets out a wheeze as a husky steps unceremoniously onto her stomach to attack her with kisses.

“Jesus Christ, Meatball!” June huffs, attempting to sit up with one eye shut. She whips her head around twice as the husky begins to sniff her all over, before her eyes settle on DeMarco jogging towards them and she lets out a huff. “Your dog nearly took out my spleen, DeMarco— okay, okay, I’m petting you,” Meatball is fairly adamant, shoving his head into her hand that would otherwise be pushing herself off the ground.

DeMarco pauses once he’s crossed the threshold and stares with a grin curling at the side of his mouth.

“You don’t seem too mad about it, Cielinski.”

“Oh I am, I just believe in berating the owner, not the dog,” She declares, giving him a narrow-eyed look while still scratching the spot behind Meatball’s ears. He whines approvingly, and DeMarco snickers at the sight. “This is why we can’t have nice things, y’know. ‘Cause jokers like you gotta go and ruin it.”

“It’s a dog, Cielinski, not a—”

“And this—,” she gestures to the sky above. “—is the best weather we’ve had in two, no, three days! And, y’know, I could be appreciating it like everyone’s telling me to all the time but someone let his dog off the leash!” She doesn’t realize she’s raised her voice until Meatball stops demanding the attention of her hand and instead decides to eye his owner curiously. June is, admittedly, only mildly surprised that he isn’t arguing back at her. She turns her head back towards the dog. “Where’re you coming from, anyway?” she asks, as opposed to apologizing for the snap.

“Hospital. Figured I’d swing by, check on some of the guys.” He offers. June nods but can’t bring herself to look up at him.

“…and Carrie? Is she still…?”

“Smokey sent her up to Redgrave a couple hours ago.”

“That’s good.”

She’s surprised that he isn’t seizing the opportunity to blow his lid at her. She sits there and he stands in a stiff silence that lasts too long for her standard. Meatball is content to turn over in the grass, belly up and oblivious to the somber note of their conversation.

“What were you doing?” He asks, trying to bring back some of the snark to his voice, nudging her leg with his toe. June huffs and finally tilts her head up to him, squinting against the sunlight and involuntarily narrowing her eyes.

“A nap, Benny. I was taking a goddamn nap. A real good one.” He hums with a slight nod, and June watches as he walks around her to settle in the grass on Meatball’s opposite side, reaching out to scratch his awaiting belly. June’s lips tug into a frown.

“Th’hell are you doing?” He pays her no mind beyond looking up through his dark lashes, then reverting his attention back to the dog.

“Take it. Your nap. You’re not the only one who likes the sunshine, y’know.” She’s not wholly convinced, even as she leans back on her palms.

“What’s your angle here, DeMarco?”

“Well in case another joker with a leashless dog comes around they’ll have to get through me first.” There’s a grin curling at the corner of his mouth, and June bites her lip as she lays back in the grass, arms folded across her chest. “And don’t think I didn’t catch you calling me Benny, Juuuune.” There’s something about the way he drags out the sound of her name that makes her want to laugh. But she doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he actually made her laugh.

“Uh huh, whatever, just be quiet.”

June turns on her side, if only to hide the grin steadily making its way onto her face.

[tamelee]

Okay, I personally ship SNS and think that it is THE best written relationship in Naruto, even if one doesn’t want to view them as strictly romantic. I even think there’s fairly strong evidence for Naruto and Sasuke being purposely written as… non-hetero, is what I’ll go with.

However, there is one part in the manga/anime which possibly conflicts with this idea, and was hoping you could offer an explanation (I’m reallly liking your posts btw).

In the arc where Naruto is with Sakura, Yamato, and Sai, there’s a part where they stop at an inn and hots springs/bath place. Sakura goes to the women’s section by herself, while Naruto goes to the men’s bath section with Yamato and Sai (and Naruto also seems embarrassed and oddly flustered? Which is weird because I thought that bathing among other men isn’t weird in Japanese culture, but maybe Naruto he just doesn’t feel comfortable around them?) and at some point Naruto decides to peep on Sakura before being strongly discouraged by Yamato.

My question is, what’s up with Naruto apparently being attracted/still having a crush on Sakura? How does this fit into a SNS reading of the manga?

(Btw I also find that moment weird because (A) Naruto’s “crush” is basically nonexistent immediately before and after this scene, and (B) I thought Naruto didn’t approve of peeping because he always called Jiraiya out on it?)

Anyway, thank you for your time

Hi @rosencrantznewblue ! ♡ thankyou for your ask (ﾉ´ з `)ノ

"Sakura goes to the women’s section by herself, while Naruto goes to the men’s bath section with Yamato and Sai (and Naruto also seems embarrassed and oddly flustered? Which is weird because I thought that bathing among other men isn’t weird in Japanese culture, but maybe Naruto he just doesn’t feel comfortable around them?)"

Exactly. So you kind of answered your own question there. It's weird isn't it? Why would Naruto be so awkward bathing with Sai and Yamato? Well, at the time these two aren't his favorite people, sure. But this is a pattern with Naruto.

Let's examine the scene first.

He hugs his knees, barricading himself almost hiding underwater. This, while Yamato expresses that "guys being together naked makes them feel like companions!" Naruto who kept blushing throughout the scene, very much doesn't feel that way.

In fact, Sai decided to comment on his..

It makes Naruto shout really loudly mentioning, well "penises". He went from being awkward to pretty much hysterical. Naruto overreacts despite Sai overstepping boundaries.

This makes all the ladies laugh.

This is important because he already looked nervous. And now he embarrassed himself in front of his new teammates. -'Totally uncool what would they think of this behavior?'- It is realistic. Well.. this is clever writing because Naruto's story and how he comes to deal with his own feelings and understanding them is a huge part of it. How does he deal with this awkward situation?

Of course when he hears the woman laugh he gets an idea and grins. He's seen Jiraiya do it too many times after all. Peeking at the woman's bath. It is complete deflection. Naturally, Yamato stands up when he figures out what Naruto is about to do.

"My question is, what’s up with Naruto apparently being attracted/still having a crush on Sakura?"

He doesn't. It has nothing to do with Sakura. I think, if I remember correctly, the Anime did make this scene about Sakura but that wasn't the point. Kishimoto is such a damn genius who depicts Naruto's struggle brilliantly in subtle and obvious ways. There is another one-shot where the exact same pattern with Naruto in the Onsen appears. It isn't Canon but made by Kishimoto anyway.

Naruto lies when Sakura and Sai see him brain-rotting over Sasuke. Instead he says he was planning a date with Sakura.

When Kakashi tells Naruto he likes him Naruto yet again overreacts. He tells him to "not say weird shit like that you friggin idiot!" and "your creepy ass threw me off!" even though very obviously Kakashi didn't mean it like that. And Naruto's reaction was completely uncalled for.

And during the Bell Test(? if I remember), Kakashi said he liked Naruto as well. This isn't the first time at least. Yet when Naruto is older and struggling he gets awkward and flustered about it. When Sai pulls an arm around Naruto he gets mad. On the other hand.. When others insult Sakura by calling her ugly or a bitch (Konohamaru) he doesn't care. Naruto didn't see any difference in her appearance after the time-skip she "looked fine!" and "didn't change at all!" even though Sasuke looks " カッコイイ" (cool, attractive, good looking) and again in Gaiden (handsome). Even Haku was cuter than Sakura. He has no problem calling his mother beautiful either.

.. okay there are too many moments. The point is, just take Naruto's confession under the bridge, his thoughts during VotE1 and confessions VotE2 and his patterns make sense. Peeking at the women after that awkward situation is part of it. (As is lying.) Kishimoto slow-burned his way through Naruto realizing that his feelings for Sasuke weren't normal and tried to hide it with the help of Sakura, because it is convenient. And I think it is so clever- Imma stop now.