#who the fuck is johanna

[paingoes]

Crash Out

Killjoy

(Content: drugs, noncon touching, physical violence, minor gore, allusions to past abuse)

The constant attempts on their life did not get in the way of partying. Music venues were a built-in part of the map Lorelai had constructed. She was still the one guiding their course. Even if she hadn’t been, Paris wouldn’t have objected. He needed somewhere to pick up from — and he felt less and less comfortable with the alleyway rendezvouses. They arrived at the function, outfits hastily assembled from the capsule they’d been living out of. Under the DayGlo light, it all looked the same.

In the crowded warehouse, they could enter and exit each other orbits easily; some invisible line existed to tether them. Lorelai hung at his side for a moment, clinging to his arm She pointed to something in the crowd, stood up on her tiptoes to speak into his ear. The music mostly drowned it out.

All he heard was “friends” and “middle school”. Nothing could have held his interested less. He nodded, pushing her gently in their direction. She disappeared again. He had his own mission there anyway — seeing how much free shit he could score by pretended he’d never heard of drugs. Everyone was so eager to be someone else’s first time. He found that he was enjoying parties a lot more when nobody there knew who he was. They’d believe anything the way he said it.

He was explaining to some stoners how he’d been born in a scorpions nest when the hair on the back of his neck stood up. He twisted around. The air in the room had become charged. It was the exact sensation that came when Delta’s collar clicked off — the impulse of overgrown psychic energy. He had only ever felt it in the seconds before cataclysm. His body reacted out of habit, anticipating the whole scene to be rendered into wreckage. But the feeling lingered without striking.

He knew intuitively that she was the source of it. She didn’t look any different than the others there, maybe a bit more muscular, a touch older. She wore fishnets over her legs and arms, just beneath the thin neon of her crop top and shorts. Her midriff was exposed; there was a bone piercing right through her belly button. Two long braids — pink and purple — went down her back and all the way to her knees. She danced carelessly, unbothered, bouncing up and down in between the clusters of people. 

Psychics weren’t that uncommon, but it was getting increasingly rare to see them walking around unfettered. All the higher level ones were getting snatched up for the war effort. The smart ones had made efforts to mask. Her aura wasn’t as overpowering as Delta’s had been — nothing was — but he could tell it wasn’t weak. Still, nobody else seemed to notice. He figured repeated exposure had just made him sensitive to it.

He went back to lying to the stoners, trying to ignore the deep instinct that told him to take cover. He got bored of them, taking the one-hitter they’d given him and moving on to find some new victim. In his drugged state, he almost forgot about her, his body gradually adapting to the sensation until he couldn’t feel it anymore. Then it returned all at once.

“Hey, cutie.” She grinned. He had been leaning back against the wall with his eyes to the crowd and still had not seen her approach until she was right in front of him. She leaned eagerly towards him, playfully running her hand along the purple plait of her hair. She was shorter up close than she’d appeared to be from across the room. There was pale makeup on her face, covered up with brighter hues. She looked like a clown.

Slowed down some by the high, he did not immediately pull away when she slipped closed. Her hands ran over his shoulders and along his chest. He gave her an unamused look. She had to be fucked up. To be fair, he was too.

“My name is Johanna,” she said it as if it was supposed to mean something to him. She didn’t stop touching. Hooking just his thumbs around her wrists, he pushed her hands off. She was undeterred, letting them hang limply in his grasp. “What’s yours?”

“Not interested.” He said.

“Ha! Ha ha. Ha. That’s a weird name.” Johanna winked. Her fingers brushed against the back of his hands, all curled up and poised like insect legs. 

“Can you leave me the fuck alone?” He was visibly uncomfortable. He was certain if he let go of her wrists, she’d try to feel up his chest again. It was fucking annoying. She had to be cracked.

She laughed. It was a low, wheezing sound. Her head rolled like it was about to come off her neck.

“You’re not the brightest, are you, Your Highness?”

Paris closed his grip around her wrists, immediately switching their positions so that it was her back to the wall. He pinned her arms above her head in a swift and practiced motion.

“Don’t. You won’t like how it ends.” He promised her.

She smiled as if in a daze.

It was his fault. He’d leaned in too close. She took advantage, headbutting him hard.

If his nose wasn’t broken before, it was now. He instinctively clutched at it. She took the opportunity to free her hands and shoved him backwards.

He was quicker this time than he had been, ready to brace against it. Her next hits fell ineffectively against the cage of his arms, missing his face. He swung at her just as she bent her torso backwards and drove her leg into his side. It was such an unnatural motion that he’d not been able to ward against it. He felt the full blow. She caught his outstretched wrist, trying to use the momentum against him, but it wasn’t a perfect maneuver. They both ended up on the floor with no clear advantage one way or the over. 

He drove his fist into the side of her face. She laughed stupidly, eating the punch. She crawled back up, almost quadrupedal in her movements. She punched him back. He didn’t take it well; he was already bloodied. His knee landed up into the tender spot of her ribs. She laughed again. Even over the music, he could hear it was pained. He kicked her further back. She caught his ankle.

Lorelai suddenly appeared, all hurry-scurry. She was trying to separate them as if it was a bar fight, almost like she’d been expecting it. He didn’t have time to be offended. In spite of the fight response that’d been triggered in him, he had the restraint to not strike out in her direction. Johanna didn’t. She seemed both annoyed and amused at the intrusion, like a good joke at a bad time. Just as Paris was getting to his feet, she swept Lorry’s leg out from under her, her grin enormous. She yelped in surprise, landing hard on her hip. Johanna made as if to stand and nearly got there.

He drew the sword on her. It didn’t matter that she was unarmed. She was an off leash psychic. He wasn’t about to play around with that. He swung it down, leaving a bright red slash along her torso. She fell back into the wall.

Screams, immediately. They’d been there before, but they only got louder after that. Johanna had seen him draw the sword, but she stared back at him with a dumbstruck expression, like she hadn’t expected him to actually use it. Lorelai shared in her surprise. He realized her scream had been among the many. Way to crash the party.

He pulled Lorelai off of the ground, making for the exit. His head was a mess of chemicals. Too easy. Too easy. He pushed the barn doors open, stepping out into the cool night air. Too easy. He walked further out into the night, far away from the warehouse. She’d been a psychic, but she hadn’t fought like one. She only used her body. It had almost been a bar fight. Why hadn’t she done anything else? What the fuck just happened? Who the fuck even was that?

“Paris, let go!” Lorelai’s voice cut through his thoughts with sudden urgency.

He looked down to find he’d grabbed her wrist instead of her hand.

He dropped it.

“You fucking stabbed her?” Lorelai screamed.

“Slashed,” he corrected, blinking back to reality, “She was a bounty hunter. She’ll survive.”

It surprised him how level his voice was. He didn’t feel it.

From the other side of the field, the barn doors creaked open. The music poured out from inside, then faded away as it was slammed back shut. He whipped around, anticipating some security force. The mafia, if they were really unlucky. But they could both make out her silhouette even in the dark night. Blood poured off her body in rivulets. She was walking again. She was supposed to live, she wasn’t supposed to walk.

“Get in.” Paris said, not taking his eyes off the approaching form. Lorelai scrambled up into the ship, slamming her keys in the ignition. The ship’s lights flooded the plain and the figure came into full resolution. 

She smiled. Beneath the slash in her shirt and along her midriff, the gore glistened and glowed. It moved all on its own. He watched as the strands of flesh crawled over the gap he had left inside. Her skin methodically stitched itself back up. She smiled wider as their eyes met.

Lorelai’s hand found his collar, roughly tugging him into motion. He was sure he wouldn’t have been able to move if she hadn’t. He climbed up into the passenger seat. The ship rocked from how hard he slammed the door shut.

But Johanna wasn’t moving with any urgency, not before or after the ship was in motion. He could still see her slow and deliberate approach even as they pulled away. She extended her left arm up. It shifted the flesh of her torso, disrupting the healing process. It must have been worth it to her. She waved them goodbye very cheerfully. Her smile didn’t falter for a second.

…….

tags:

@catnykit @snakebites-and-ink @vivulapom @scoundrelwithboba @whatwhump

@pumpkin-spice-whump @deluxewhump @fuckass1000 @fuckcapitalismasshole @defire

@micechomper

[blaithnne]

You guys ever think about the fact that Astrid was willing to die for Johanna without a second thought. Do you ever think about the fact that she would've. And she wouldn't for a second have regretted it. Do you ever think about how she missed out on so much of her niece's life, tucked away in Toføten and leaving her all alone not because she didn't care, but because she cared SO much. She couldn't leave those mounds for more than a few days to visit, because they frighten her baby niece, so someone's got to keep watch. Even if she knows nothing will come out, she'll make a thousand charms to keep her safe. Even if they wont work all the way out there in Trolberg or the wilderness, because that little girl is all she has left and she's so small and she needs her protecting. And the years have gone by and she can count on one hand the amount of times she's held her in her arms since her parents died but she's still so small. She's towering over her but she's still so small. Those fairy mounds still scare her and they scare Astrid too. She'll miss out on her life in a heartbeat if it means she gets to live it peacefully. Lose her if it means she gets to protect her. Die if it means she gets to live. Do you ever think about them.

[captainofthetidesbreath]

on a scale of Warden Antoine to Johanna Hezenkoss, how many problems is that mad scientist in The Veilguard causing?

[literallyimthenerdemoji]

thinking about Annie Cresta again

[thefloatingwriter]

I try to be all let people do fandom how they want but oh boy. The bad takes everywhere about beetee and wiress. Stumbled on a reddit thread saying beetee's a mary sue whose only trait is being smart like.... get away from my man actually! People who think wiress has to be brain damaged and is unable to have any "normal" social interaction?? Literally how is it possible to misunderstand them so badly its not even like there's a million words of layered complexity to sift through a lot of it is explicitly stated/shown in the tiny amount of time the narrative gives to both of them. (And the way they're both commonly erased from the Quell alliance ugh.)

THIS!!! oh my god i will never not be mad about the common misinterpretations in this fandom. like of course wiress was having trouble communicating, she was literally going through possibly the worst thing that ever happened to her AGAIN. yes beetee is mainly characterized as being smart but that’s because he’s a side character with not much information on him, not because he’s a mary sue. like are we idiots. have we learned nothing in english class.

[swirlingyouintomypoems]

Happy lesbian visibility week to The Lesbian to ever exist. Johanna they could never make me hate you bbygirl

My wife<3

[justletmeramble1701]

Are you guys ever watching something and you get so distracted because the actor is so pretty?

This is such an intense and dramatic moment. The Doctor is about to be shot out of the sky by someone disguised as his companion while on the phone with the imposter. The music is blaring, the tension is rising, and my dumbass audibly exclaims "She’s so pretty!" when it cuts to this shot EVERY TIME I WATCH IT! It is pathetic!

It's like watching a car crash and getting distracted because the tree that the car is about to hit is really pretty.

[someone-online]

When it seemed like Johanna was going to choose to stay in Fairy Country, my first thought was Hilda just 2 episodes before going “don’t let go of me, Mum!”

[jtownraindancer]

remember when i said most of this nonsense started because i liked burn's voice? ...yeh.

[murphyslawyer]

I’m in Rome and have some updates for the few of you who followed my girl drama in Brussels last December:

Saw German girl and she immediately came to hug me and chat. She was tired after a long train ride and I was also tired from a long day of traveling so we didn’t interact for long. I’m told she’s just very friendly but I’m genuinely not used to that kind of attention and also she’s really cute and I AAAAAAAAAAAAH

Italian girl is sleeping on top of me. As in a bunk bed. But I swear this is some fanfic shit.

Another Italian girl said I reminded her of someone she knows and when she showed me a pic I went “girl I wish that was me” and she said “well, that was a compliment” and now that I’m thinking about that I’m all ?????

There’s also another cute German girl in my room and my Portuguese buddy has already started with his theories.

[imaginarianisms]

more asoiaf comparisons, parallels & antiparallels to the first dance of the dragons vs the second & final dance of the dragons (& possibly the sixth blackfyre rebellion): the blacks being daenerys i targaryen's supporters, the golds being aegon vi targaryen's supporters, tommen baratheon being a close equivalent to gaemon palehair & his mother essie & sylvenna sand which may be interpreted as a parallel with queen cersei lannister & taena merryweather of myr, trystane truefyre being a close equivalent to aegon/young griff & perkin being jon connington & the shepherd being the new high septon the high sparrow, dalton greyjoy being euron i greyjoy's ancestor & the latter surpassing him, alyn waters later alyn velaryon resembling aurane waters later aurane velaryon & finishing what their ancestors started. history repeats itself.

[aussievriska]

fuck you if you celebrate the death of any teenage girl in media, especially at the hands of the male villain or protagonist, fuck you right to hell

idc if she’s annoying the deaths of girls in most shows are so often unfair and undignified and not given the weight they should have been and then when fandom makes it worse by saying they Deserved it I want to start killing

fuck you fuck you fuck you

[blaithnne]

Bro you reblogging the strugglewoman post with Kaisa reminded me of a Reflection I was having these days. You know how Hilda artists will make Kaisa fanart and say she’s a ‘woman kisser’? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen at least three fanarts like that. And I was thinking that it’s so funny because, yes, in theory they are right, she sure would kiss women. But have you seen her? Like actually seen her in all her season 2 glory? That woman is not pulling. You think she approaches women? You think she flirts like a well collected person? You think she actually goes out to meet people? Nah man I know a girlfailure when I see one and that’s what it looks like. We need more lesboloser Kaisa truthers because we are right

-📚💍

CRYING YES YOU’RE SO RIGHT. I think Kaisa’s life long goal is to some day hold another woman’s hand, she’s not got kissing a woman on her list of goals bc she doesn’t wanna set an unreasonable expectation for herself

[nomaishuttle]

sometimes u put yr playlist on shuffle a song comes up and you have to put another song in the queue immediately as soon as it comes on bc it makes you think of that song

[barbreypilled]

I love how Johanna in every post-mockingjay baby book fic is just

[dizzy-pixels]

Bruhhhhhh I thought she was gonna say fairies are forbidden to teach humans or something so she'd have to break the rules to be his mentor and risk being outcasted. Something like that. I didn't know she was a whole ass traitor.