#who spit in your bean curd
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Mulan (1998) Sentence Meme
Under the cut you will find 150+ sentences from the 1998 version of Mulan to use for your enjoyment!
1. “Now all of China knows you’re here.”
2. “We’ll set up defenses around the palace immediately.”
3. “Send your troops to protect my people.”
4. “I believe my troops can stop him.”
5. “A single grain of rice can tip the scale. One man may be the difference between victory and defeat.”
6. “Whose the smartest doggy in the world?”
7. “Remember, the doctor said three cups of tea in the morning and three at night.”
8. “You should already be in town. We are counting on you to uphold the family honor.”
9. “I’m going to pray some more.”
10. “The matchmaker is not a patient woman.”
11. “I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck.”
12. “How lucky can they be? They’re dead.”
13. “This is your chance to prove yourself.”
14. “Who spit in her bean curd?”
15. “Recite the final admonition.”
16. “Fulfill our duties calmly and respectfully.”
17. “This shall bring you honor and glory.”
18. “Now, pour the tea.”
19. “To please your future in-laws, you must demonstrate a sense of dignity and refinement.”
20. “You may look like a bride, but you will never bring your family honor!”
21. “My, my. What beautiful blossoms we have this year. But look, this one’s late. I’ll bet that when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all.”
22. “By order of the Emperor, one man from every family must serve in the imperial army.”
23. “I will serve the Emperor in my father’s place.”
24. “I am ready to serve the emperor.”
25. “You would do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man’s presence.”
26. “You dishonor me.”
27. “You shouldn’t have to go! There are plenty of young men to fight!”
28. “It is an honor to protect my country and my family.”
29. “So you’ll die for honor?”
30. “I will die doing what’s right.”
31. “I know my place! It is time you learned yours!”
32. “You must go after her. She could be killed.”
33. “So tell me what mortal needs my protection, great ancestor! You just say the word and I’m there!”
34. “These are the family guardians.”
35. “And you, O demoted one?”
36. “One family reunion comin’ right up.”
37. “Rise and shine. Ya’ll way past the beauty sleep thing, trust me.”
38. “Don’t look at me. She gets it from your side of the family.”
39. “She’s just trying to help her father.”
40. “Dishonor will come to the family. Traditional values will disintegrate.”
41. “Your great-granddaughter had to be a cross-dresser!”
42. “Let a guardian bring her back.”
43. “We must send the most powerful of all.”
44. “You are not worthy of this spot.”
45. “Just one chance, is that too much to ask?”
46. “I’m doomed and all cause Miss Man decides to take her little drag show on the road.”
47. “Go get her? What’s the matter with you?”
48. “The emperor will stop you.”
49. “By building this wall, he challenged my strength. Well, I’m here to play his game.”
50. “Tell your emperor to send his strongest armies.”
51. “How many men does it take to deliver a message?”
52. “I see you have a sword. I have one, too. They’re very manly and tough.”
53. “Who am I fooling? It’s going to take a miracle to get me into the army.”
54. “Did I hear someone ask for a miracle?”
55. “Your serpentine salvation is at hand, for I have been sent by your ancestors to guide you through your masquerade!”
56. “If the army finds out you’re a girl, the penalty is death!”
57. “Who am I? Who am I? I am the guardian of lost souls! I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible.”
58. “My ancestors sent a little lizard to help me?”
59. “Dragon. Dra-gon. Not lizard. I don’t do that tongue thing.”
60. “I’m travel size for your convenience!”
61. “My powers are beyond your mortal imagination.”
62. “All right, that’s it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Make a note of this. Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow!”
63. “I’m just nervous. I’ve never done this before.”
64. “You’re gonna have to trust me. And don’t you slap me no more.”
65. “This is it. Time to show ‘em your man walk. Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up, and strut.”
66. “It’s all attitude. Be tough, like this guy here.”
67. “Punch him. It’s how men say hello.”
68. “I’m gonna hit you so hard, it’ll make your ancestors dizzy.”
69. “Relax and chant with me.”
70. “Chicken boy? Say that to my face, ya limp noodle!”
71. “Excellent strategy, sir. I do love surprises.”
72. “You will stay and train the new recruits.”
73. “This is an enormous responsibility. Perhaps a soldier with more experience…”
74. “I don’t need anyone causing trouble in my camp.”
75. “Sorry you had to see that, but you know how it is when you get those manly urges and you just gotta kill something. Fix things. Cook outdoors.”
76. “Your commanding officer just asked you a question.”
77. “I’ve got a name. And it’s a boy’s name, too.”
78. “I didn’t ask for his name. I asked for yours!”
79. “Tomorrow the real work begins.”
80. “You know, we have to work on your people skills.”
81. “Remember, it’s your first day of training, so listen to your teacher and no fighting. Play nice with the other kids, unless one of the other kids wanna fight, then you have to kick the other kids butt.”
82. “But I don’t wanna kick the other kid’s butt.”
83. “Lets see your war face!”
84. “I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover.”
85. “That’s my tough looking warrior. That’s what I’m talking about. Now get out there and make me proud.”
86. “Wait! You forgot your sword!”
87. “My little baby, off to destroy people.”
88. “Looks like our new friend slept in this morning.”
89. “Are ya hungry? Cause I owe you a knuckle sandwich.”
90. “You will assemble swiftly and silently every morning. Anyone who acts otherwise will answer to me.”
91. “The quickest way to the emperor is through that pass.”
92. “This is not a good idea. What if somebody sees you?”
93. “Just because I look like a man doesn’t mean I have to smell like one.”
94. “We’re doomed! There are a couple of things I know they’re bound to notice!”
95. “Come back here. I know we were jerks to you before, so let’s start over.”
96. “I never want to see a naked man again.”
97. “Hey, don’t look at me. I ain’t bitin’ no more butts.”
98. “You think your troops are ready to fight? They would not last a minute against the Huns!”
99. “Those boys are no more fit to be soldiers than you are to be captain.”
100. “The general may be your father, but I am the emperor’s counsel. And by the way, I got that job on my own.”
101. “I’ll hold him and you punch.”
102. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re a great captain.”
103. “I saw that. You like him, don’t you?”
104. “I think it’s time we took this war into our own hands.”
105. “You men owe me a new pair of slippers.”
106. “We’re in a war, man! There’s no time for stupid questions!”
107. “Search for survivors.”
108. “I don’t understand. My father should’ve been here.”
109. “We’re the only hope for the emperor now.”
110. “Prepare to fight. If we die, we die with honor.”
111. “You missed! How could you miss? It was three feet in front of you!”
112. “Man, you are one lucky bug.”
113. “We’re gonna die! We are definitely gonna die! No way we survive this! Death is coming!”
114. “I knew we could do it! You the man! Well…sort of.”
115. “You are the craziest man I’ve ever met. And for that, I owe you my life. From now on, you have my trust.”
116. “I knew there was something wrong with you.”
117. “I did it to save my father.”
118. “I didn’t mean for it to go this far. It was the only way. Please, believe me.”
119. “A life for a life. My debt is repaid.”
120. “I was this close. This close to impressing the ancestors, getting the top shelf, an entourage. Man. All my fine work.”
121. “I should have never left home.”
122. “You went to save your father’s life. Who knew you’d end up shaming him and disgracing your ancestors and losing all your friends?”
123. “Maybe what I really wanted was to prove I could do things right, so when I looked in the mirror I’d see someone worthwhile. But I was wrong. I see nothing.”
124. “Your ancestors never sent me. They don’t even like me.”
125. “You risked your life to help people you love. I risked your life to help myself. At least you had good intentions.”
126. “I’ll have to face my father sooner or later.”
127. “We started this thing together, and that’s how we’ll finish it.”
128. “Are we in this together or not?”
129. “Well, let’s go kick some hunny buns!”
130. “You don’t belong here. Go home.”
131. “Keep your eyes open. I know they’re here.”
132. “I know what this means to you. Your father would have been very proud.”
133. “Your walls and armies have fallen, and now it’s your turn. Bow to me.”
134. “I tire of your arrogance, old man. Bow to me!”
135. “No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it.”
136. “You took away my victory.”
137. “So what’s the plan? You don’t have a plan?”
138. “It looks like you’re out of ideas.”
139. “That creature’s not worth protecting.”
140. “She’s a woman. She’ll never be worth anything.”
141. “I’ve heard a great deal about you. You stole your father’s armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the army, destroyed my palace. And you have saved us all.”
142. “See to it that this woman is a member of my council.”
143. “There are no council positions open, your majesty.”
144. “With all due respect, your excellency, I think I’ve been away from home long enough.”
145. “Take this so your family will know what you have done for me, and this, so the world will know what you have done.”
146. “Is she allowed to do that?”
147. “Um…you…you fight good.”
148. “The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.”
149. “You don’t meet a girl like that every dynasty.”
150. “The greatest gift and honor is having you for a daughter.”
151. “She brings home a sword. If you ask me, she should’ve brought home a man.”
152. “Sign me up for the next war!”
153. “Would you like to stay forever?”
154. “Come on. Tell me. Who did a good job?”
155. “You can be a guardian again.”
156. “You know, she gets it from my side of the family.”
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Weight :During and After Cancer Treatment!
It is many times seen that Cancer patients and survivors don’t think about weight the board and other ailments as significant issues. In any case, this isn’t accurate and these issues merit total consideration from patients, specialists, and survivors.
You can shed pounds or have no hunger due to:
• Cancer — Regardless of whether you eat a ton, your Cancer could hold your body back from taking in every one of the supplements it needs.
• Therapies — Therapies, for example, chemotherapy and radiation have secondary effects that can make it hard to eat. For instance, these medicines can cause queasiness, heaving, mouth wounds, sluggishness, dry mouth, or changes in taste and smell.
• Torment — Having torment from one or the other Cancer or treatment (particularly medical procedure) can make you lose your hunger.
• State of mind — Feeling miserable or stressed can cause individuals to lose their cravings.
It’s essential to eat enough to sound areas of strength for and conceivable, particularly during your Cancer control treatment. You should consume an adequate number of liquids to remain fiery and happy-go-lucky overall. Individuals who can’t eat all alone however whose bodies can process food could get “tube feedings.” Individuals who get tube feedings help their food and supplements through a cylinder that goes into the stomach or small digestive tract. This is likewise called Enteral taking care of.
To eat appropriately you want to guarantee that your body gets an adequate number of supplements.
Attempt to follow the beneath-referenced design:
• Eat 5 to 6 little feasts a day, rather than 3 huge dinners
• Practice good eating habits in the middle between feasts at whatever point you feel hungry
• Add spread, oil, nuts, sauce, powdered milk, protein powder, or cream to your food varieties to give them additional calories and protein
• Savor liquids between the dinner
• Eat food sources that smell wonderful.
• Attempt to eat food with family or companions instead of having alone
• Request that somebody cook or shop for you
• Go for a short stroll about an hour before your gobble to assist you with burning some major calories
• Inquire as to whether you ought to take nutrients or work out an eating routine arrangement with a sustenance master
Assuming you have secondary effects from your medicines that are holding you back from eating, a cancer consultant suggests these tips that could help you:
• Assuming that you have a dry mouth, drink bunches of liquids and keep away from food sources that are hard or dry (like toast or saltines). You can eat damp food varieties, suck on ice chips, or without sugar-hard treats.
• Assuming you have mouth wounds, eat delicate food sources that you can bite and swallow without any problem. You can likewise cut up your food into little pieces or pound it in a blender. Attempt to keep away from hot or pungent food varieties.
• Assuming you have sickness, eat food sources that are tasteless and dry, like rice, curd, and toast. Stay away from food varieties that are hot and oily.
• If you experience difficulty having a solid discharge, attempt to drink more liquids. You can likewise eat food sources with a ton of fiber, like vegetables, organic products, beans, nuts, oats, and a few breads and cereals.
• On the off chance that you have the runs, attempt to drink a lot of liquids so your body doesn’t lose an excess of water. Attempt to stay away from milk, oily food sources, and food varieties with a ton of fiber.
Typically, there is weight gain after fulfillment of treatment however there may be sure malignancies eg Head and Neck malignancies where there may be weight reduction, which proceeds even after treatment finishing. It is caused because of “dry Mouth or troublesome gulping. Fake spit, great mouth care, and dental cleanliness are standard treatments given to patients. Subsequently, it is fitting that such patients ought to drink an adequate number of liquids and eat puree-based slims.
Patients having Hormonal driven Cancers — Bosom, and Prostate in all actuality do encounter weight gain throughout treatment. The rehashed utilization of steroids in chemotherapy is answerable for weight gain. Likewise, a check ought to be kept on hypothyroidism and diabetes, which is on occasion encouraged post-radiotherapy as well as specifically designated treatments. Generally, the finish of therapy brings crucial changes, both mental and physical, for Cancer survivors, including a prescribed change back to an eating regimen wealthy in unsaturated fats to oversee weight. Cancer survivors ought to fill a portion of their plates with products from the soil and the other half with grains and proteins. For more information and help you can book an online oncologist consultation with us.
Customary activity
Ordinary activity which isn’t arduous, particularly during chemotherapy has the accompanying advantages:
Builds Hunger
Mollifies Discouragement
Diminishes chances of constipation
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street food
Street food is something common around the world, but what is uncommon is the form it takes in each country or region.
Here are some street foods from around the world.
Chimney Cake, Czech Republic
Sweet bread that looks like a chimney but tastes like heaven!
You are walking through the streets of Prague in the Czech Republic and you get a hankering for something to nibble on. You find a small market full of street foods. Being in Prague, you know that the best thing you can try will be the Chimney Cake. But without really knowing what that is, you ask a local stall owner about it and he or she gladly produces something that looks like...well...a chimney. Behind the stall owner are rows of hot spits with dough wrapped around them, cooking over a heat source. This is Chimney Cake, a crunchy exterior with a warm soft interior. It looks like a chimney, but what does it taste like, you ask? Well, it's sweet. Fill it up with some ice cream and it's even sweeter.
Poutine, Canada
Canada's unofficial "official side dish and street food."
Many people have actually heard of Poutine, seemingly the office snack of Canada, but a lot of people may not know what they are. Well, it is so popular in Canada that the city of Ottawa actually has a Poutine Festival where you can try over 100 different recipes for the street snack, along with contests related to the stuff. So what is Poutine anyway? It is probably one of the simplest street foods out there, just smothered fries. Smothered with cheese curds and gravy, to be exact. Poutine means "messy," and this street food really is not meant to be eaten without a fork. But imagine when you bite into the cheesy gravy gooeyness covering the crispy hot fries. You will be glad that you stopped at the festival in Ottawa or at any of the street vendors throughout Canada that sell Poutine. Not exactly a delicacy, but definitely something associated with Canada and a warm home-cooked snack...or side dish...or light meal. Poutine puts together some of the greatest flavors into a food combination that is not to be missed if you happen to be visiting Canada. Of course, it is so simple to make that you can find it elsewhere, including if you want to make it yourself.
Halo-Halo, Philippines
A sweet mix-mix!
So, you are in the Philippines on a hot summer day. It is the Philippines, so it is probably hot no matter when you are there. But either way, you want something to help cool you down—something that is unique to the area. So, you're looking for not just ice cream. You want local flavor, local street food. You see signs for something called "halo-halo" and decide to stop and see what that is all about. As the street vendor puts together a bowl for you, he tells you that it means "mix-mix." He hands you your bowl and you see that it is
shaved ice, condensed milk, something that looks like beans, some fruit, and ice cream.
Supplì, Rome, Italy
A Roman portable meal!
You're in Rome and you get hungry touring through the statues and ancient buildings. Where do you turn? Of course, you could stop into a restaurant. Rome is known for some of the finest food options in Italy and the world. But you just want a quick bite, something to carry with you as you keep up the hectic tourist pace. You find a street vendor who is selling something called "suppli." It looks like a fried ball of something and smells amazing. You buy a couple and take the little packet from the vendor with a "thank you." They are hot, but you take one out and bite into it. Turns out it is just as good as it smells, maybe even better.
It is made up of rice, mozzarella cheese, and ragu, all fried up nice and crispy. You think once more about how great it is to be in Italy, touring through Rome, doing as the Romans do, eating a quick snack that tastes this good.
Biltong, South Africa
Now that's jerky!
In South Africa, you keep hearing about something called "biltong" and you figure you should investigate what it is. In the streets of Johannesburg, you stop in a little shop with a sign advertising that they have the best Biltong available. Inside, you see another sign above racks of what looks like dried meat. Beef jerky? Not exactly, you are told. It is jerky, but it is exotic animals, like ostrich and kudu. But, is it still jerky? The shop owner shakes his head and declares that it is cured in apple cider vinegar or malt vinegar then rubbed with spices like black pepper, coriander, and brown sugar. This is getting interesting. The slices are very thick, bordering on small slabs of meat, so you buy one, maybe two for good measure. This is unlike any jerky you have ever tried. The flavor is so intense, so concentrated. It tastes different than you had expected, partly because it is such a thick piece of meat. You are told that it is not smoked. It is jerky at its essence. Stepping back out into the street, you decide that you made a good choice stopping and seeing what Biltong is all about.
that is just a few of the strange street foods from a round the world, there are definitely more unusual ones.
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😠 sonic w h y
Nonverbal RP Starters | 😠 Death Glare at my muse | accepting!
He’s been glaring at me for a while.
It’s hard to ignore when this guy isn’t exactly discreet about it. Hitoshi doesn’t really know him that well anyway so he couldn’t find it in himself to give a damn. What he does know is that this person hangs around Aizawa-sensei a lot so he couldn’t help but wonder if that has something to do with his pissy mood. If so, why glare at him?
Hitoshi considers flipping him off but then realizes how rude that would be and how Aizawa-sensei might whack him on the head for that.
So he returns the glare instead.
❝Why don’t you take a picture? It’ll last longer.❞ Not his best but definitely not as rude as flipping him off so he’ll take it.
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The Prefect quotes Disney movies on a daily basis pt. 2
Ace: Damn, I failed this exam.
Yuu: Dishonor! Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your cow!
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Riddle: Why can't Floyd leave me alone for once!?
Yuu: You know how men are. They think ‘No’ means ‘Yes’ and ‘Get lost’ means ‘Take me, I’m yours.’
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Cater: Prefect! How are you today?
Yuu: Miserable, darling, as usual, perfectly wretched.
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[Another student overblots after a trauma]
Yuu: ok, who spit in his bean curd?
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During Book 3
Azul: So, do we have a deal?
Yuu: I got a little secret for you. Come here. No, closer.
...
I don’t make deals with peasants!
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Somewhere around book 5
Yuu: Oh, right. The poison. The poison for Neige. The poison especially chosen for Neige. Neige’s poison.
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The Prefect had a bad day
[During Potionology]
Yuu: I’ll turn him into a flea. A harmless little flea. And then, I’ll put that flea in a box, and then I’ll put that box inside another box, and then I’ll mail that box to myself. And when it arrives-AHAHA! *laughs maniacally*
Deuce: Prefect, are you alright?!?!
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Crowley: Prefect! I've been looking for you everywhere!
Yuu: Oh, what a coincidence, Headmage! I've been avoiding you everywhere!
#twisted wonderland#disney twst#twst wonderland#disney twisted wonderland#twst#twst meme#twst headcanons#twst incorrect quotes#incorrect quotes#yuu#yuu twisted wonderland#yuu twst#twisted wonderland yuu#twst yuu#mc twst#mc twisted wonderland#twst wonderland mc#twst mc#twisted wonderland mc#mc twst wonderland#oc twst#oc twisted wonderland#twst oc#ramshackle#ronnie's scenario
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https://youtube.com/shorts/4ljEgWNY01k?feature=share
The Mean Girl Look™
Who spit in your bean curd? Seriously though, have you ever heard of common decency? Nope, I guess not because you're a jerk to people who have done nothing wrong to you.
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It’s not Wei Wuxian’s fault that A-Yuan thinks he’s a rabbit, or Jiang Cheng’s fault that toddler Jin Ling used to Zidian to short out the city’s power grid, or Xue Yang’s fault that little A-Qing was strapped to his chest during a motorcycle joyride down the highway, but they are stuck going to family counseling, along with a bored Lan Wangji, a giggly Xiao Xingchen, an out-to-lunch Lan Xichen, and an indignant Jin Guangyao. A lonely Nie Huaisang gets in on the action by joining all twenty group chats and sending way too many gifs.
And, all the while, a rebellion is brewing on Wangxian’s block, their neighbors driven mad by the incessant midnight duets.
Poor Dr. Wen Qing, child psychologist and therapist extraordinaire. What has she done to deserve this?
Read On AO3!
Or read below if the spirit so moves you:
There’s a letter nailed to the door when they arrive home.
Wei Wuxian rips the letter from the nail and reads it aloud.
“ ‘We, the undersigned, do hereby declare Wei Wuxian and Lan Wanji to be persona non grata on Cultivator Court for the following reasons: One: Wild animals leaving unspeakable ‘presents’ on our lawns—’ ”
Wei Wuxian looks up. “That would be Lil’ Apple. Do they sell donkey diapers?”
Lan Wangji unlocks the door. “What else?”
“ ‘Two: Gangs of feral rabbits rampaging through our flower beds!’ –They do have a point here. How they keep getting loose I’ll never know. ‘Number Three: Loud duets at midnight. We get it! You’re in love! Get a soundproof basement or shut the hell up!’ ” Wei Wuxian wrinkles his nose. “Who spit in their bean curd?”
“Where do these people meet, and can I join?” asks Jiang Cheng.
* * * *
One month earlier:
It's all the daycare’s fault, really. And also the gang’s mutual pediatrician for getting involved and setting them up with a family therapist.
And they all know they should be grateful that the authorities are letting them off easy. But—
Weekly family therapy sessions that double as parenting classes? They all already know how to change diapers and hide the matches and make airplane noises.
And none of it’s not any of their faults. More of a…
“Series of misunderstandings,” explains Wei Wuxian to Dr. Wen Qing. “I’m sure when you hear the full story, you’ll laugh too. Right, Lan Zhan?”
“I don’t think she ever laughs,” whispers Xue Yang to Xiao Xingchen, who can’t see Dr. Wen’s impassive face but dissolves into a fit of giggles anyway.
Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes at the two of them and turns to Dr. Wen. “How long is this going to take? My new fashion line launches next week! I don’t have time for this—ow!” He jerks around at A-Yuan, who's gazing up at him innocently. He glares at Wei Wuxian. “Your carrot-brained little son bit me!”
Wei Wuxian scoops his son up onto his lap. “Don’t worry, A- Yuan, Uncle Cheng didn’t mean it—”
“Thumper!” A-Yuan corrects him.
“I’m sorry. Don’t worry, Thumper , Uncle Cheng didn’t mean it.”
“That’s normal,” says Xue Yang. “ ‘Thumper’?”
Xiao Xingchen hushes him.
“I just meant I’d go for a better name,” Xue Yang goes on. “Like Iago or Mushu if we’re picking from annoying cartoon animals. Doesn’t Thumper get shot?”
“You’re thinking of Bambi,” says Meng Yao irritably. He doesn’t look up from his phone as his finger moves in a blur over the screen. He’s missing several important meetings to be here. “He's the one who gets shot.”
A- Yuan’s eyes are huge. “Bambi gets shot?”
“No, Bambi’s mother gets shot,” Xue Yang explains.
A- Yuan bursts into tears.
Lan Wangji shoots Xue Yang a look that’s pure poison.
Dr. Wen clears her throat. “This is perhaps a good example of the dysfunction that—"
“Don’t worry, Thumper’s parents are just fine!” Wei Wuxian tells A- Yuan, squeezing the boy tighter. “Jiang Cheng, show him their pictures on your phone!”
“Do you think I have cartoon rodents as my wallpaper?”
“Google it!”
“Kid’s got to learn about death sometime.” Xue Yang places a lollipop in A-Yuan’s plump little hand. A-Yuan grins at him through his tears. Xue Yang is the kids’ favorite, to the jealousy of everyone but Xiao Xingchen, who is just as beloved. “See? Now he’ll always remember it as something sweet.”
The entire group gives him a Look, save Xiao Xingchen, who’s smiling and nodding.
Sometimes I think he’s deaf as well as blind , Meng Yao texts the others. There are an endless number of group chats, with most created just to complain about the people not on that specific group chat.
WWX : That’s cruel, but...
Jiang Cheng makes an impatient sound. Jin Ling is perched on his knee, slobbering on his custom lotus-patterned purple leather cell phone case. He takes his phone out of the toddler’s mouth and sets him down on the floor. “Can we move this along? Some of us have better things to do.”
“Yes. Thank you, Mr. Jiang.” Dr. Wen glances around the circle of folding chairs. “Now, do we all know why we’re here? Mr. Xue? Would you like to go first?”
Xue Yang stops picking at his chipped black nail polish. “What?”
“Do you know why you’re here, Mr. Xue?”
“I told A-Qing to stop biting people unless they really deserve it, and besides, she’s fully vaccinated, so I don’t see the problem there—”
“Mr. Xiao? Any ideas?”
Xiao Xingchen clears his throat and shuffles his sandaled feet, nervously smoothing the fringe on his oversized tie-dye poncho. “I’m not exactly sure why we’ve been included in a Jiang family therapy session, to be quite honest.”
“Your husband and daughter have been…implicated in some of the group’s…let’s call them mishaps, and as your daughter has adopted A- Yuan’s rabbit fixa—wait a minute, where is your daughter?”
“Xingchen’s got her,” shrugs Xue Yang.
JC - JGY - WWX - Jin Ling’ Uncles
JGY : *That’s* reassuring...
JGY : They make baby leashes for a reason
WWX : Lan Zhan threatened to buy me one the last time we went to the mall. I was lost for a half hour
JC : Are you sure he wasn’t just trying to lose you in the crowd?
WWX : Actually, I think Lan Zhan *did* buy the leash in the end…
*Jiang Cheng has left the chat*
Dr. Wen inclines her head. “Your husband is beside you, Mr. Xue. Your daughter is not.”
Xue Yang cranes his neck around the room. “I’m sure she’s fine, wherever she is. Unrelated question, are all of the valuables around here locked up, or—?”
“Mr. Xue—”
“We’ll know soon enough anyway. Is there an alarm system? No, don’t tell me. I’d rather be surprised. Be right back.” He tucks his phone inside his ripped black jeans and leaves the room, whistling. The clomp of his heavy combat boots disappears down the hall.
“Don’t worry,” says Xiao Xingchen, who seems to have missed a good half of what his husband has said, as usual. “This happens all the time. A-Qing has an excellent sense of direction.”
WWX - JGY - XY - JC - LWJ - Cabbage Patch Kids
JC : What the hell does that mean? The kid’s like 5
WWX : 3, tops
JC : No way she’s 3. She stole my watch last time she played w Jin Ling
LWJ : Are you certain that wasn’t her father?
NHS : XXC would never hahaha 😭 😭 😭
WWX : Huaisang! Whassup!
NHS:
WWX: You change the chat name again? I like it.
JC: Can he take my place here? This whole thing is inane
WWX : "Inane"! So you *have* been using the Word of the Day calendar Lan Zhan bought you!
JC : Shut up
JGY : Like a 5-year-old stealing a watch makes any more sense than a 3-year-old?
WWX : Oh we’re back on that?
NHS : Who stole who’s what now?
LWJ : *whose
JGY : Jiang Cheng was robbed by a toddler.
JC : Don’t you have some corporate espionage to go do or someone’s job to steal or something?
NHS:
JC: Send one more gif and I reach through your phone and strangle you
NHS:
WWX: Did you watch Shrek again without us? That’s A- Yuan’s fav movie
NHS: ur always so busy w lwj n the baby n playing w ur corpses lately!
Dr. Wen sighs. “All right, then. Who would like to go next? Mr. Jiang? How about you? Phones away, everyone, please.”
Jiang Cheng makes a show of being annoyed at having to look up from his phone. “I shouldn’t even be here. This is idiotic.”
WWX - NHS
WWX: Or “inane”
NHS:
“That’s not what the power company report says, Mr. Jiang. Now, I don’t mean to accuse you of anything, but there are concerns—”
“I swear Zidian was depowered when I gave it to Jin Ling to play with,” Jiang Cheng says irritably. “He teethed on that thing for months as a baby. It’s fine.”
WWX -XY - LWJ - JGY - 🧟 🍬 🐇 🤠
JGY: Did Jiang Cheng just tell a mandated reporter that he let Jin Ling teethe on his magic lightning whip?
XY: dammit Im missing all the good stuff!
LWJ: *I’m
NHS:
JGY: You’re wasting my phone’s memory with these ridiculous gifs.
NHS: *inane gifs
XY: Jiggy why don’t you just have your 🍬 🍭 👦👨 buy you a fancy new phone with more memory?
NHS:
WWX: XY did you find A-Qing?
NHS: He lost A-Qing again?
LWJ: …Again?
XY: NHS do you like your tongue where it is or
NHS:
JGY: ?
XY: fingers. whatever.
WWX: I'm lost too
XY: nvm
JGY: That was edifying.
“Now, Mr. Jiang, I don’t mean to insinuate that you let your three-year-old nephew play unsupervised with a dangerous weapon that mistakenly activated and went on to fry the power grid and knock out all power within a five-mile radius for two weeks—”
JGY: Despicable inefficiency
“—or that you took him to a weapons expo, because, I quote ‘He’s going to have to learn to fight eventually anyway’—”
“It was an archery range.”
WWX - LWJ - NHS - Wen Chao Sucks!
WWX: Start ‘em young
NHS: i think it's inane
NHS: WWX? did LWJ smile at that one?
LWJ: No
WWX: He’s laughing on the inside
NHS: how….inane
“Mr. Jiang? Have you any response?”
Jiang Cheng crosses his arms over his chest. Jin Ling is hopping around on the floor with A- Yuan. Obviously not electrocuted, Jiang Cheng thinks, so what’s the problem? “So when my brother blows out the entire neighborhood’s power doing illegal experiments in his garage it’s okay, but I plug a space heater into the same outlet as a toaster and I’m suddenly the devil incarnate?”
NHS - WWX - JGY - Two Bros & A Guy
NHS : Why would you need a space heater in the kitchen? what I do is turn the oven on and that gets the room all hot
WWX : I think you need a new oven
NHS : Are ovens not supposed to do that??
WWX : Do fridges radiate cold?
NHS : I never thought about it that way 🤔
JGY : In the history of the world, nobody ever has.
WWX : Also, all of my illegal experiments are electricity-free.
JGY : …Jin Ling is never spending the night at your house again.
WWX : I said electricity-FREE!
JGY : Because a fridge full of corpses that you and that psychotic hooligan are trying to raise from the dead is so much better.
WWX : A) it’s a top-of-the-line industrial freezer, not a fridge, and B) those corpses were ethically-sourced—locally-sourced, anyway—
NHS : free-range & organic
WWX : zip it Huaisang
NHS : 🐓
Dr. Wen taps her clipboard with her pen. “Mr. Jiang, nobody's accusing you of anything. This is simply—”
“Whatever. What about him?” Jiang Cheng jerks a thumb at Meng Yao. “At least I didn’t set fire to anything.”
Meng Yao straightens up indignantly. “That was an accident!”
Dr. Wen looks like she wants to go home. “According to the fire marshal’s report, it—”
“I’m so terribly sorry I’m late!” A slightly disheveled Lan Xichen appears in the doorway, Xue Yang behind him. “I locked my keys in the car, and was going to call AAA, but then I remembered that we aren’t members—did you know you have to be a member?—plus my phone—”
Xue Yang slaps him on the back. His other hand, gloved as always, is holding A-Qing by the hand. Her oversized pockets clink suspiciously as she runs to go play with A-Yuan and Jin Ling. Today Xue Yang has dressed her in a pink poodle skirt, black boots with frilly socks, and a black T-shirt with the words “Daddy’s Little Delinquent” in pink script, pulling her hair into spiky little pigtails.
“—and the look the bus driver gave me when I tried paying with the $50 I luckily had in my pocket!”
“He’s telling the truth,” Xue Yang says. Over the years, an odd friendship has sprung up between him and Lan Xichen. “He has a stamped bus pass and everything. Look at the poor man. Had to squash in with the hoi poloi. He won’t be over this for weeks.”
Lan Xichen is blinking too much. “And someone on the bus stole my wallet, though I could have sworn I left the bus with it—”
Xue Yang winks at A-Qing, who grins at him and pats the bulging pocket on her frilly pink skirt.
JC - WWX
JC : Why is my lead fashion designer wearing CROCS??
WWX : His house keys must have been on the same keychain. Lan Zhan said he took today off from work
JC : Okay but why are they orange?
WWX : Not everything he owns has to be blue, you know
JC : His contract clearly states at least three out of every four articles of clothing have to be blue!
WWX : Relax, lil bro
JC : He’s the face of our Overly Elaborate Yet Elegantly Simple Eveningwear division!
NHS : Who is?
JC : GET BIRD BRAIN OFF THIS CHAT OR I SWEAR TO ZIDIAN—
NHS : 😿 who just showed up? Xichen?
WWX : Yup he just arrived after a harrowing bus experience
NHS : https://cutt.ly/Mks2dgu ?
JC : Does anyone actually like when people send them links??
NHS : https://cutt.ly/hks21H8
Meng Yao is wearing what Wei Wuxian and Nie Huaisang call his "customer service smile," a holdover from his dark days in retail. It's the closest he ever gets to showing irritation towards his fiancé. “Why didn’t you Uber over, Xichen?”
“I locked my phone in the car with the keys—”
“It’s fine, Mr. Lan," says Dr. Wen. "Please have a seat. You’re just in time. After all, you were mentioned by name in the fire marshal’s report, along with the somewhat contradictory descriptions of ‘dazed’ and ‘hysterically sobbing,’ which naturally piqued my interest—”
Lan Xichen seats himself beside Meng Yao. He's still looking somewhat frazzled Then again, his main two facial expressions are “gentle smile” and “mild anxious look.” “That was an accident. The fire, I mean. A little mishap.”
“Gentlemen, all of these incidents cannot be mere ‘accidents’—”
“I was meditating and A-Ling wandered in and knocked over the incense burner,” Lan Xichen explains hurriedly. Meng Yao, well-practiced as he is at hiding his emotions, winces slightly. “The window was open, and there was a breeze, and A-Yao just bought these new gauzy curtains that tend to flap about quite a bit—”
XY - JGY - LWJ - JC - NHS - Crossing Us Is A *Great* Idea
XY : And burn quickly
NHS : What am I missing???
XY : Insurance fraud
NHS:
XY : Yes. We’re all complicit now
JGY : Xue Yang, have you heard of a little something called libel?
XY : 🖕 We should go back to building with asbestos like they did in the good old days
JC : We’re all so glad you’re here, Xue Yang
NHS : I need to adopt a kid so I can join your group or something, this sucks, you get to go this secret club every week, jc I see wwx even less than you do
JC : stop talking
XY : What color baby you want, NHS?
JC : What the hell??
XY : That was a joke
NHS: ....
“…and I was so deep in meditation I didn’t notice the flames until the fire department arrived, but A-Ling was fine, just fine, and all the fire fighters were so very nice…”
WWX : Can confirm. Xichen was more traumatized than the kid. The firefighters had to wrap him in like fifty foil blankets
XY : XXC tells me Himbo stayed with you a full week, was that why? my boy didn't tell me
LWJ : “Himbo”? He got 1600 on his SAT.
XY: Term of endearment he knows he’s my boy plus the guy locked his keys and phone in the car for the second time this month
JC : At least he feels remorse over his child endangerment, unlike certain other people I could mention
LWJ : "Child endangerment"?
XY : Tell us again about how Jin Ling used to teethe on Zidian, JC?
NHS:
“Dr. Wen will be pleased to know that my apartment is now fully equipped with a top-of-the-line sprinkler system,” says Meng Yao smoothly. “No more incense, either. This unfortunate incident will never be repeated again.”
XY - WWX - JC - Odd Man Out
XY : At least not until the insurance money runs out
WWX : 😒
XY : Not that he needs it, after landing Himbo
NHS:
WWX: Those jokes really aren't funny
NHS: 😔
JC: Dammit NHS are you in every chat?? Did you change the chat names? Why aren't you showing up on half the participant lists?? Did you hack our phones or what??
NHS: Don’t be so *inane*
Wei Wuxian titters.
“Mr. Wei? Since you seem so eager to speak, perhaps we should move onto your issues, then.”
Wei Wuxian straightens up and points to his chest, the picture of innocence. “Me?”
Dr. Wen smiles thinly. “You, Mr. Wei. Perhaps you can tell us your side of what the school is referring to as ‘The Radish Incident.’ ”
“Well….” Wei Wuxian darts a glance over at Lan Wangji, who is as impassive as ever. “I was just burying him for fun, you know. We like to pretend he’s a radish—“
“A radish?”
“It’s a…you know. A game. I personally like potatoes better, but—”
“Mr. Wei, several parents complained to the school.”
“Because we were hogging the sandbox.”
“Because your son was running around screaming ‘I’m a chubby little radish boy!’ Which in itself would not be cause for concern. But coupled with his troubling behavior the following week—"
XY - JC - JGY - Two Men & A Half
XY : Where did she get these records? Who does she work for, the NSA?
NHS : She’s an astronaut?
JGY : How did you sneak into this chat? And did you rename it?
NHS : 😉
JGY: You're what, an inch taller than me?
XY: someone struck a nerve
JGY: It's just derivative of the other group chat, that's all.
NHS : u said no to "gettin' jiggy w it" i had no other choice. anyway what's happening over there?
JC : I’ll give Dr. W this, that kid is weird.
NHS : who a-yuan?
JC : I’ll give Dr. W this, that kid is weird.
JC : I mean, he’s my nephew, he’s a great kid, that’s not what I’m meant—
XY : *delete delete*
JC : How does your hippie husband put up with you??
JGY : We suspect brainwashing or blackmail.
“—when he decided he was a rabbit or," Dr. Wen continues, "or, as he put it, ‘Daddy’s Huggy Little Bunny Boy.”
“He is Daddy’s Huggy Little Bunn—"
“And only responds to the name ‘Thumper,’ refuses to eat anything other than carrots or food containing carrots, insists on wearing bunny ears—"
XY - NHS
XY : If it’s good enough for Louis Belcher, it’s good enough for Freaky Little Bunny Boy
NHS:
you watch the show too?? I call mingjue “bob” - u know - grumpy mustache guy
XY : I’m sure that’s gone over well
NHS: he’ll learn to love it
XY : A-Qing loves Louis
NHS:
“—hops around instead of walking, and has convinced others of the same…fantasy.”
Everyone glances over at the three children, who are hopping in a circle. A-Yuan has a fluffy little tail on the seat of his pants, carefully sewn on by Lan Wangji. Jin Ling has a handful of cotton balls that had been badly superglued on by an annoyed Jiang Cheng. And A-Qing has a wad of blue cotton candy taped to her frilly pink skirt with a strip of duct tape. As they watch, Jin Ling rips the cotton candy off and stuffs it in his mouth. A-Qing shoves him onto his cottony rear end.
“That’s my girl!” Xue Yang calls.
“Daddy’s proud of you!” Xiao Xingchen adds, though he’s not quite sure what’s going on.
Dr. Wen sighs. “I’m still unclear about how this started. Was it the rabbit incident? Mr. Lan—" She nods her head at Lan Wangji to differentiate between the brothers. Lan Xichen has fallen asleep in his chair, exhausted by his first-ever bus ride. “—I mean, I beg your pardon, Dr. Lan. Perhaps you can fill us in on that? He told his teacher he was attacked by a rabbit monster."
“So he was bitten by one rabbit!” Wei Wuxian says when Lan Wangji just eyes her coldly. “It wasn’t Lan Zhan’s fault. That rabbit was bad news. It had this gleam in its eye—lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes—"
Xiao Xingchen emits a muffled little squeak. Xue Yang looks annoyed. He hates when other people make Xiao Xingchen laugh.
NHS - JC
NHS:
JC: yes yes we all get the Jaws reference
NHS: the last movie we all watched together : /
JC: yes I just said that
NHS: like three months ago
JC: and?
NHS: just saying...
“He was scared of the rabbits after that, and so Lan Zhan told him that rabbits only bite their own, and, well…I mean, we have a hundred rabbits in our backyard. It was either rehoming them and making the news like those crazy cat people, or making A-Yuan feel better.”
A-Yuan hops past, wiggling his cotton tail.
Jiang Cheng rubs his temples.
“All right, Mr. Wei. Thank you. That’s…elucidating. We’ll delve into that in future sessions. Now, perhaps we can discuss the June 7th incident involving you and Mr. Xue?”
Xiao Xingchen starts to laugh again. Xue Yang grins to himself.
LWJ - JC
LWJ : What happened on the 7th?
JC : Am I my brother’s keeper??
“Now, the seventh? I was…hard to remember, all that time ago…” Wei Wuxian taps his chin. "The mists of time and all that."
“It was three weeks ago, Mr. Wei.”
“The seventh….the seventh…was that a Tuesday—?”
“Wen Chao had it coming,” said Xue Yang. Smirking, he twirls his ponytail around a finger. His ponytail is long and sleek and sprouts from the top of his head like an 80s schoolgirl's. “Amiright, ‘Mr. Wei’?”
Wei Wuxian coughs. “You mean the Wen Chao who lives on Qishan Road? That Wen Chao?”
“That spoiled rich kid?” Jiang Cheng asks. (“As if you’re one to talk,” says Xue Yang.) “With the oversized Humvee and tractor-sized tires with spinning rims? Zipping down the street at all hours and blasting his music? I went to college with him. He used to leave double-deckers in the bathroom at frat parties.”
Dr. Wen swallows a long-suffering sigh. “Thank you, Mr. Jiang. I’m sure that information will prove most helpful in evaluating your brother’s case. Mr. Wei, your arrest, combined with the Huggy Little Bunny Boy Incident, does not fill me with confidence.”
“Not arrested—"
“Taken for questioning,” Xue Yang agrees. “By the neighborhood watch. Golf dads and wine moms. Very different from 'arrested.' "
"And you should know," says Meng Yao.
JC - JGY
NHS : What’s going on? What am I missing????
JGY: Did you just make a new group chat? Your name isn't showing up. This is disconcerting.
NHS: don’t worry about it
JC : We’re talking about Wen Chao
NHS : overcompensating humvee ex-frat boy with the hair gel? vomit in the jacuzzi and streak across the field at the big game wen chao? ur babysitter's cousin?
JC : The very idiot
NHS : He has nice sunglasses
JC : For a Russian mobster
NHS : Says the guy who owns a purple zebra striped jacket
JC : Says the guy with more bird-themed shirts than Winston Bishop
JGY : Touche.
NHS : i didn’t know u watch New Girl 2! we must talk l8tr shorturl.at/vDI26
JGY : Your abbreviations are marginally shorter than the actual words.
NHS :
JC : Cleaning bird cages does take up most of one’s afternoon
NHS : see, u get it
JC : Dr. Wen isn’t buying whatever WWX is selling here.
JGY : Wen Chao is related to Dr. Wen. If WWX had any more sense than a chipmunk, he’d realize that. No matter how much you hate someone, family is family...
“Wen Chao was a public menace,” says Wei Wuxian self-righteously. “He deserved what he got. Speeding down the street all the time. Think of the children!”
LWJ - WWX
LWJ: Why is this my first time hearing about this?
WWX: You’ve heard me complain about WC a million times. I even named a group chat after him!
LWJ: Wei Ying.
WWX: You were off visiting your uncle with A-Yuan ! You left me unsupervised! I am not to be blamed!!!
LWJ: We’ll discuss this later
WWX: 😓
“Perhaps the better question is where you got all those fish,” says Dr. Wen.
Everyone turns to look at Xue Yang.
“A magician never reveals his secrets,” he grins.
Xiao Xingchen chuckles.
“Five hundred dollars in damages, Mr. Xue. Raw fish juice is difficult to get out of faux tiger fur upholstery, I understand.”
Xue Yang flaps his hand. “His father can afford it.”
“That is not the—" Dr. Wen stops, perhaps realizing that an argument with Xue Yang means forfeiting a chunk of her sanity. “Moving on, Mr. Xue, can you explain this picture you posted on social media?”
“That picture’s an old one. A-Qing’s just a baby.”
“Mr. Xue, given the recent threats you made towards A-Qing’s daycare teacher for putting her in a time-out for stealing her classmate’s graham crackers and apple juice, this is relevant.”
“Posting that to the public account was a mistake, if that’s your concern. My Insta for A-Qing is private, but I was in a candy store and got kind of distracted by the new sugar-frosted fruity explosion jaw-busting mega bombs—"
“You fail to understand the issue, Mr. Xue. What’s that in her mouth?”
“Fingers. Or is that a toe?”
Xiao Xingchen laughs.
“They weren't real,” says Xue Yang.
WWX - JC
WWX:
JC: Great more gifs
“I think I have one with the Halloween store tags still on—" Xue Yang scrolls through the hundreds of photos of A-Qing filling his phone. “Should be one in here somewhere—oh, look, Xingchen, these are from your birthday party; I tell you, Amazo the Magnificent had no sense of humor at all; you’d think nobody had ever replaced his rabbit with a porcupine before-"
Jin Ling hops by. “Rabbit!” he cheers.
Jiang Cheng groans.
“There is blood on the fingers, Mr. Xue.”
Xue Yang gives a breezy laugh. “Paint. The springy plastic is perfect for teething. You just put it in the freezer for a few hours—real fingers wouldn’t work; they’d freeze solid, which makes good ice packs for those hard-to-reach places, sure, but as far as teething goes—”
Dr. Wen holds up a hand. “Thank you, Mr. Xue. That’s enough. My next question is about this speeding ticket, which you received while your daughter was strapped to your chest.”
“She was wearing a helmet!”
“You were driving a motorcycle down the highway, Mr. Xue.”
Xue Yang glances hurriedly at Xiao Xingchen, who’s frowning. “These were two separate incidents—"
“Mr. Xue, I don’t think that that makes it much better—"
“Ouch!” Meng Yao shoots to his feet. “He bit me! Your son bit me!”
Wei Wuxian scoops up A- Yuan, who's looking very satisfied with himself. “You shouldn’t have worn a carrot-orange shirt, then.”
“It’s not orange, it’s beige—"
“Maybe he was aiming for Xichen’s crocs and missed,” Xue Yang suggests.
Meng Yao pats his pockets. “Where’s my phone?”
Xue Yang winks at A-Qing, whose already-stuffed pocket is bulging further. Xue Yang likes dressing her in disarmingly cute dresses and skirts with huge pockets, the better to hide her loot. She grins and twirls a pigtail like Xue Yang twirls his ponytail and skips off with Jin Ling and A- Yuan.
Meng Yao is wearing the fixed smile of a Starbucks barista whose customer just asked to speak to the manager. Never a good sign. “Could somebody be so kind as to call my phone?”
Wei Wuxian makes a show of dialing. No one else moves. Lan Xichen mumbles something to himself in his sleep, chin sunk deep in his chest.
“Sorry, Jiggy,” says Wei Wuxian. “Maybe you left your phone at home?”
“You all saw me using it not a minute ago, and kindly stop calling me Jiggy—"
“A-Yao?”
Meng Yao’s customer service smile slips. “Just stop talking for five seconds, that’s all I ask—"
Dr. Wen shakes her head. At this point she seems more bored than anything else. “Moving along, Mr. Xiao, this is perhaps inconsequential when held up beside your husband’s joyrides with A-Qing—"
“Not a joyride,” Xue Yang interrupts. “That motorcycle is registered in my name. Well, a name—"
“—but A-Qing’s teacher has told me that she witnessed you allowing A-Qing to take candy from strangers.”
“The lady seemed nice,” says Xiao Xingchen, folding his hands placidly in his lap. “She had peppermints.”
Xue Yang sighs fondly.
JC - WWX
NHS: thnx for calling me WWX. reception could be better but this is better than anything on tv. literally candy from strangers?
JC: Dear heaven HE’S back. Just text a chat you're actually on!
NHS: ‘Dear heaven’?
JC: This is inane!
WWX: …not bad
Xiao Xingchen smiles. “She smelled like snickerdoodles and lavender.”
Dr. Wen sighs. “Mr. Xiao—"
“I’ll talk to him later, doctor,” says Xue Yang, patting Xiao Xingchen’s arm reassuringly. “Anything else? What did Mr. Beige do?” He grins at Meng Yao, who’s still looking for his phone.
“Mr. Meng, aside for the fire, which we’ve established is not your fault—though, fiance or not, you should be a bit more judicious in your choice of babysitters—"
Lan Wangji shoots Dr. Wen a look that almost melts the metal clip on her clipboard.
She absorbs it without so much as an eyebrow twitch. “—there is the Treehouse Incident, though I don’t believe the collapse of your nephew’s treehouse was your fault.”
JC - WWX - LWJ - We’re All Cool Here We Promise
NHS : i hear he bought the biggest fanciest one he could then set it up himself and then it fell down at the first storm. if that’s not a metaphor for his life I don’t know what is
JC : That wasn’t funny, someone could have gotten hurt
WWX : it was kind of funny
NHS : it was very funny
LWJ : "Hurt" like a baby at a weapons expo?
NHS : LWJ IN DA HOUSE!
JC : It was an ARCHERY RANGE
LWJ:
NHS: LWJ USED A GIF IM DEAD LMAO—
LWJ: *I’m
“We are suing the playhouse company,” says Meng Yao. “Right, Xichen?”
“Hm?” Lan Xichen sits up with a jerk. “I beg your pardon?”
Meng Yao gives him a patient smile and turns back to Dr. Wen. “As you can see, we have the situation well in hand.”
Lan Xichen has no idea what he’s talking about but nods along anyway. “Of course we do. In fact—" He whips out a recorder and starts playing “Wonderwall.”
“That was…lovely,” says Dr. Wen once he finishes. “Don’t do it again. Now, moving on to the County Fair Incident—"
“Which was an accident!”
“One more interruption, Mr. Wei, and you will be asked to return for solo counseling."
JC - LWJ - XY - NHS - Lan Wangji Pls Stop Vetoing All My Best Chat Names Thnx
NHS : Make him stand in the corner! LWJ, does that ever work at home?
XY : I think he uses *stronger* methods 😏
*Lan Wangji has left the chat*
JC : Xue Yang shut up I will end you that’s my brother
XY : End me with your sparkly little whip? 👀
JC : Your husband’s sitting right next to you you little freak. Allo people are so fricking annoying!
NHS : hey!
JC: I call it as I see it
NHS: your one to talk 😒
*Lan Wangji has joined the chat*
LWJ : *You're
*Lan Wangji has left the chat*
XY : How old were you when you lost your sense of humor, Grape Boy?
JC : “Grape Boy” is that the best you can do?
XY : there are children present
NHS : 🤭 🤭 🤭
JC : Same way there are children present while barreling down the highway at 80 mph on a motorcycle?
NHS:
XY : The state troopers blew that way out of proportion
Dr. Wen taps her clipboard. “Stealing livestock violates Section 2 of the Farm and Livestock Act—”
“No harm no foul,” shrugs Xue Yang. “And Xiao Xingchen gave all the trampled people candy afterward, so we’re all square. Well, snacks, anyway."
“Good snacks,” Xiao Xingchen adds. “Carob-covered rice cakes and trail mix.”
NHS: 🤢
“You can’t just hand out nuts children who might have an allergy—"
“There were also boxes of raisins. Full-size.”
Dr. Wen struggles to keep from rolling her eyes. Jiang Cheng rolls his hard enough for the both of them.
JC - NHS
NHS:
JC: wtf is that get that off my screen
“According to the police report, all three of your children broke into the paddock, released the donkey, and rode him down the main promenade, scattering fairgoers in their wake. I have the video.” Dr. Wen holds up her phone. Loud screams and merry-go-round music blast from her phone. “Mr. Xue? Anything to say?”
“That guy was barely trampled,” says Xue Yang. “Also, I had nothing to do with opening the paddock, whose latch sticks (just by the way), or helping the kids up onto the donkey, so—"
“This was found at the scene.” She holds up black leather necklace with a single red bead. "Look familiar, Mr. Xue?”
Xue Yang touches his bare throat. “I’ve been framed.”
“And this.” She holds up a flute and glances over at Wei Wuxian.
Wei Wuxian darts a quick glance over at Lan Wangji, who does not look amused. Then again, he never does. “Since when was I even a suspect—?"
“Since you left your flute there like an idiot,” says Jiang Cheng.
“Lil’ Apple’s paddock was too small! I had to do something."
“Gentlemen—"
The cuckoo clock on the wall goes off, waking up Lan Xichen, who’s drifted off again. He whips out his recorder again but Meng Yao lays a gently restraining hand on his wrist.
Dr. Wen rises. “We will continue this next week. In the meantime, I have some worksheets—"
JC - NHS
JC : Kill me now
NHS : i wouldnt tempt LWJ if i were u…
JC : not like I take up any of WWX’s precious time anyway anymore. LWJ goes out of town and WWX teams up with that nutcase ex-juvenile delinquent of all people to vandalize WC’s car?? In college we stole WC's team's stupid tortoise mascot together
NHS : …..i'll call u later
JC : Please don’t
NHS :
NHS: u can come over on ur own to watch a movie or smthing u know
NHS: ur new line launched already so ur not so busy now right?
NHS: u can bring jin ling along as a chaperone if u want
NHS: hello?
NHS: that was a joke…
JC: okay but no more romcoms
NHS: u brought mama mia over last time not me
JC: I grabbed the wrong dvd
NHS: …..🤐
JC: 🖕
NHS: 😏 see u soon
* * * *
One month later:
“Best session yet!” says Wei Wuxian as they pull up to his house in Jiang Cheng's sleek purple Jaguar. “I mean, Dr. Wen wasn’t thrilled about the whole ‘our kids visited Nie Huaisang’s bird sanctuary and now think they’re skvaders’ thing, but all in all—"
“Just get out of the car.” Jiang Cheng gives him a little shove. They’d all been busy this past month, and had only seen Nie Huaisang once, but that had been enough to convince the kids that they’re hybrid bunny-birds. “I’ll wait outside while you go and get Jin Ling—" He stops. A letter is nailed to the front door.
“Is someone starting another Protestant reformation?” Wei Wuxian jokes. He grins at Lan Wangji, who raises his eyebrow slightly. Excellent. So he found the joke as funny as he did, though going by the way he eyes the nail he’s not thrilled about what just happened to the door’s glossy blue paint.
Wei Wuxian rips the letter from the nail and starts to read aloud. “ ‘We, the undersigned, do hereby declare Wei Wuxian and Lan Wanji to be persona non grata on Cultivator Court for the following reasons: One: Wild animals leaving unspeakable “presents” on our lawns—’ ”
Wei Wuxian looks up. “That would be Lil’ Apple. Do they sell donkey diapers?”
LWJ unlocks the door. “What else?”
“ ‘Two: Gangs of feral rabbits rampaging through our flower beds!’ –They do have a point here. How they keep getting loose I’ll never know. ‘Number Three: Loud duets at midnight. We get it! You’re in love! Get a soundproof basement or shut the hell up!’ ” Wei Wuxian wrinkles his nose. “Who spit in their bean curd?”
“Where do these people meet, and can I join?” asks Jiang Cheng.
Wei Wuxian slings an arm around his shoulders, the first time in weeks. Jiang Cheng hasn’t seen much of his brother outside of the counseling sessions. “Dr. Wen says that kind of negativity is toxic.”
Jiang Cheng grunts, but lets Wei Wuxian keep his arm on his shoulder. “I’ll show you toxic—”
The babysitter is sitting under the table with Jin Ling and A-Yuan when they enter the house, building a miniature cenotaph made out of blocks.
“The kids okay, Wen Ning?” Wei Wuxian asks him.
Wen Ning peers out from between two chairs. “We were under siege for a couple of hours. Pitchforks and torches, same old thing. But we turned out the lights and stayed away from the windows and made s’mores.”
“So that’s what happened to all the plastic lawn flamingos. Trampled by angry villagers."
Jiang Cheng pinches his temples. “I told you adopting an incontinent donkey was a bad idea. At least keep his paddock locked.”
“We don’t have to tell your sister about this, do we, Wen Ning? …Good. What did the mob look like? Did you catch any names?”
“They were led by a fat man with a goatee and a skinny old guy with beady eyes and a moustache like two long droopy rat tails." Wen Ning crawls out from under the table. “The skinny guy was wearing bright red and blue and purple clothes and the fat guy had a bullhorn. And my cousin Wen Chao was in back yelling something about the rising cost of dry cleaning in this day and age, I think?”
“Yao and Ouyang.” Wei Wuxian makes a face. “Power couple from hell, and I should know. I’ve been there.”
“Are they those nosy neighbors you’re always complaining about?” asks Jiang Cheng.
“They’ve been after us from day one!”
“Well, having that fierce corpse of yours key their car didn’t help.”
“That was an accident.”
Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes.
“You know, Nie Huaisang has been texting me about this house for sale next door to him,” says Wei Wuxian thoughtfully. “Lan Zhan, maybe we should check it out?”
Jiang Cheng picks up Jin Ling and pats him gently on the back. “You’re just going to have the same problem with the angry villagers, just across town.”
“No, it’s a big corner lot. I’ve seen it. Looks like the Addams Family lives there. Comes with its own little graveyard and everything. Huaisang’s family owns it, and they’ve been trying to unload it for months, but everyone thinks it’s haunted just because of that time I brought those fierce corpses with me on a visit and they got loose—but that’s neither here nor there. It’s perfect!”
Lan Wangji nods.
“Whatever.” Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes. “Let’s get going, A-Ling.”
Once he’s strapped Jin Ling into his car seat, he takes out his phone.
JC - NHS
JC : Your plan worked
Nie Huaisang:
???
Jiang Cheng: yeah. Thanks for riling them up behind my brother’s back all month. Class move. Direct and straightforward
NHS:
NHS: not that they needed much inciting. wwx blowing up the garage was the last straw
JC : was still weirdly convoluted for no reason
JC : Not sure why you had to get me involved either
NHS: says the guy who lives 20 blocks away but still volunteered to file the noise complaint because, i quote, “the duets *R* annoying”
JC : well you can’t file a complaint about them stopping mid-conversation with you to gaze soulfully into each others’ eyes for ten minutes
NHS : *snort*
JC : If you miss WWX so much 🙄 why didn’t you just tell him straight out instead of pulling this shtick?
NHS:
NHS : there’s another house available down the street just fyi…
NHS: my big fat greek wedding sat night? u bring the dvd n i’ll get the pizza
Shaking his head, but smiling to himself, Jiang Cheng starts the car.
#wei wuxian#lan wangji#jiang cheng#mdzsnet#nie huaisang#xue yang#lan xichen#wen qing#wen ning#xiao xingchen#xuexiao#xiyao#wangxian#a-qing#jin ling#lan sizhui#jin guangyao#meng yao#lan zhan#cql#mdzs#the untamed#the untamed fanfic#the untamed crack
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Jesus christ, who spit in your bean curd?
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Prompt #188
“Who spit in your bean curd? That quote will never die. I won’t let it.”
#prompt#quote prompt#prompts#writing prompt#writing ideas#writing inspiration#writing prompts#writing#prompt: fluff
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I was tagged by: @sothischickshe thank you as always you sweet thang 😘
3 favorite foods: Chicken fettuccine Alfredo ( thank you auto correct for fettuccine 😅 I was really strugglin') and oh shit. I don't know. Oh! Sinagang (Filipino dish) aaaand...mangos at peak ripeness.
Relationship status: We ride together. We die together. Bad marriage fo' life ✊🤣
Last thing I googled: Synonym for push. 90% of my Google searches are "synonym for ---" 💀
Song stuck in my head: The snores of my child beside me is a tune I want out of my head desperately 😭 like shoosh, please
Time: to check out mentally.
Dream trip: Ireland. One day fam. One day.
Anything I want:
I wrote a ficlet for Laughtrack day of the girls and it's just like...so dumb. I finished it but then chickened out because it is literally that ridiculous. It's for toots and chuckles but still. It's gonna have my name on it and Idk if I want it out there...attached, ya know?🌿👀🌿
Also wrote a shortfic with the prompt Ruby tells Stan she's pregnant right after GG2020 was announced. I finished 95% of it a week and a half ago and was like, cool, cool I have tons of time to finish and then BAM. We here. And it isn't 😶
Oh. And mobile tumblr is rude. Like, really who spit in your bean curd. What's a girl gotta do to copy a whole post without, like actually copying a whole post word for word. Then it keeps moving my dang sentences from the top to the bottom when I try to select them. Like no homie, I just want to put it in bold. Bruh.
Tag 10 people: Bold of you to assume I interact with 10 people. @hereliesbethboland @storiestoldbyjazz @sdktrs12 @delicatelingon @mamey2422 @inyoursheets @xstrawmari @nottonyharrison it's not ten but it's close okay 😭
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Stay off my computer and cellphone before I report you to the police in your area. And quit bitching about the different characterizations of any Sherlock Holmes characters since no-one wants to listen to whining or be told by one on how their versions of characters should be written! If someone WANTS to write them in their own way, be quiet about it and IGNORE IT.
First, who the fuck spit in your god damn bean curd.
Second, in case YOU haven’t noticed I make posts like that purely for fun, I’ve done it about a thousand times with different characters.
So you wanna call the cop in my area(which I highly doubt you know where the fuck is) go right ahead they’ll think this is stupid just as I do.
And I’m not saying which characterization of Sherlock is better I enjoy all the versions of Sherlock regardless if it’s Benedict, or RDJ, or Jonnny Lee Miller, or whoever else has played a version on Sherlock and Watson.
I would also just like to say I am not pushing writing on anybody it’s purely an observation that there are not that many RDJ Sherlock and Jude Law Watson fanfic out there.
And as a writer myself. I know people right in their own way. What you can learn however is that if you don’t like a post or a fanfic don’t like the motherfucking fanfic or post and sure as hell don’t go and put bull shit like this in someone’s inbox. And thank you asshole, for making this the first thing that I woke up to today really how I wanted to start my day.
#annonymous#guys you know the rules of the game use them#and please for the love of cheese#USE CONTEXT CLUES AND COMMON SENSES#anon hate#rant#annon rant
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Funniest Disney-quotes part 1
Hunchback of Notre Dame:
“Wine, women and song!“
“Me?!?” “No, the Pope. Of course, you!”
Laverne: “Now just stay calm.”
Victor: Not a word.
Hugo: Easy does it.
Victor: Stone faced.
Quasimodo: Any sign of her?
Victor: Oh, it's a lost cause! She could be anywhere! In the stocks, in the dungeon, on the rack! (Begins to cry)
Laverne: Nice work, Victor.
Esmeralda: “You sneaky son of a -!”
Phoebus: “Watch it, we’re in the Church.”
Mulan:
“I LIIIIVEEEE!”
“Hurry up! I’m going to...pray some more.”
“How lucky can they be? They're dead.”
“Who spit in her bean curd?“
“I'm pretty hot.”
“That's just great, now what? I'm doomed, and all because Ms. Man decided to take a little drag show on the road.”
“I am travel-sized, for your convenience. If I was my REAL size, your cow here would die of fright. [Khan tries to chomp him.] DOWN, Bessy. My powers are beyond your mortal imagination. For instance, my eyes can see straight through your armor. Alright! That's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Make a note of this. Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow, dis-”
“Say that to my face, you limp noodle!”
“I've got a name ... and it's a boy's name, too.“
“Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover!”
“My little baby, off to destroy people…”
“Would you like to stay forever!”
The Little Mermaid
“Oh yes . . . delightful . . . .”
“You're not getting cold fins now, are you?”
“Excitement, adventure, danger lurking around every corn- YAAAAHHHHHHHH!! We're gonna die!!”
“Teenagers. . . . They think they know everything. You give them an inch, they swim all over you.”
“How do I get myself into these situations?”
“Jumpin' jellyfish!“
“I dunno, he looks kinda hairy and slobbery to me.”
Ah, Grimsby - y'old beanpole, you shouldn't have.”
“Gee, Grim. It's, err, it's, err - it's really somethin'. . .”
“You really delight in these sadistic strains on my blood pressure, don't you?“
“...and I will stay in one piece.”
“The human world - it's a mess.”
“Somebody's got to nail that girl's fins to the floor.”
“Yeeeeeeeeeess?“
“We mustn't lurk in doorways - it's rude. One MIGHT question your upbringing…”
“And don't underestimate the importance of body language! Ha!”
“My nerves are shot. This is a catastrophe! What would her father say? I'll tell you what her father'd say, he'd say he's gonna kill himself a crab, that's what her father'd say!”
“Now I stuff you with bread it don't hurt 'cause you're dead
And you're certainly lucky you are…”
“Do something, have a life.“
“Now let's eat, before this crab wanders off my plate.”
“Hmm. Well they - they better get cracking!”
“Nothing is HAAAAPPPENIIING. . . . Only one day left, and that boy ain't puckered up once.”
“Wow. Somebody should find that poor animal and put it out of its misery.”
“Jeez, man, I'm surrounded by amateurs!“
“The little tramp!”
“I was flying, I wa - of course I was flying - An' - I s- I saw that the watch - the witch was watchin' a mirror, and she was singin' with a stolen set o' pipes! Do you hear what I'm tellin' you?“
“Have I ever been wrong? I mean when it's important!”
“So long, loverboy.”
“My poor, little poopsies!”
“We’re doomed.”
#funniest Disney quotes#disney#walt disney#funny quotes#the little mermaid#the hunchback of notre dame#mulan
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恭喜发财, how do they finally figure out jgy's a scumbag
When the high of Lan Wangji’s return fades a little, they turn their minds forward to other matters.
“Have you heard from shijie?” asks Jiang Cheng one morning. Wei Wuxian looks up from his breakfast, brows furrowed.
“She’s not in Lanling?” he asks.
“She came to Yunmeng with the box,” says Jiang Cheng. “Considering Jin Zixuan showed up at Yiling, she must have been successful in reattaching his head. Where is she now?”
“Maybe Jin Zixuan will know,” considers Wei Wuxian, tucking back into his food.
“He doesn’t,” says Jiang Cheng. “He’s been sending search parties for her, too.”
Wei Wuxian purses his lips. “I’ll ask around,” he suggests, before he returns to smearing bean curd on his mantou.
Turns out, his shijie’s not the only person missing. Lan Xichen has also been reported not back in Gusu just yet, either. Wei Wuxian doesn’t really want to know where he is, but at the end of the day he’s still Lan Wangji’s brother, and Lan Wangji is as concerned as he is.
“He might have gone to confront whoever gave him the music,” he says, in between bites of congee. Wei Wuxian considers it, shrugging.
“The question is: is that the same person that my shijie is convinced murdered her husband?”
Lan Wangji hums. “When you have eliminated the impossible,” he begins, and Wei Wuxian laughs.
“Yes, I suppose,” he concedes. “Where would he go, then?”
“There was a deed,” says Lan Wangji, frowning. “Guanyin Temple, in Yunping.”
“That’s also in Yunmeng,” says Wei Wuxian, clapping his hands. “Let’s go pay this temple a visit, shall we?
Paying that visit is easier said than done, it seems, as the grounds are crawling with well-armed monks. Lan Wangji pulls them into the shadows to try and avoid detection, slipping them through the ranks of the guards into the heart of the temple where there stands a large statue of a goddess who looks shockingly familiar in a way Wei Wuxian can’t quite place.
There come the sounds of struggle. “… Utterly despicable!” a woman’s voice hisses. “Unhand me. You wait until we get back to Koi Towers – I am your Regent!”
“Shijie –” breathes Wei Wuxian, but Lan Wangji puts a hand over his mouth. Wei Wuxian’s fingers clench against Lan Wangji’s arm from where they stand in the shadows of the room.
“More light,” says the voice of Jin Guangyao. Lan Wangji is swift in response, slipping behind the statue as the monks bring in more candles. “Madam, I must say I am amazed that even in this part of the world our paths still cross. How did you come to know about my mother’s temple?”
“The resemblance is uncanny,” says Jiang Yanli coldly. More struggling, but this time it’s suddenly cut short.
“I wouldn’t protest too much, my lady,” says Jin Guangyao. “These threads may not seem like much, but the wrong move from you… and they will slice your skin. Would you like a demonstration?”
Wei Wuxian can hear hatred in his shijie’s silence. The monks lead her footsteps towards the statue.
“There, there.” Jin Guangyao sighs. “It’ll be all over, sooner or later. You might even join your husband, if the Master of Shadows takes pity on you.”
“You disgust me,” spits Jiang Yanli. “Not because of the status of your birth. I would be the last person in the world to judge that, considering my brother – but because of the way you have treated your family and loved ones.”
“Family and loved ones?” scoffs Jin Guangyao. “Typical of a woman to value those above all. You are fortunate your parents saw value in you, to pawn you off to ours in a game of political chess. As for me, my father kicked me down the steps of Lanling Koi Towers the instant he saw me!”
“That still does not justify the other murders you have committed,” snaps Jiang Yanli. “Your wife loved you beyond reason. Your son was murdered in his crib.”
“Do you know, my lady, the true extent of my connection with A-Su?” wonders Jin Guangyao bitterly. “Did you know that her mother… and my father…”
A pause. “And yet you still married her,” breathes Jiang Yanli, disgusted.
“I had no choice.”
“You were desperate for approval from a man who never respected you. That’s entirely different from having choices, A-Yao.” Jiang Yanli’s voice is weary. “But even then, what about my husband? A-Xuan treated you like his true brother. Gave you titles and power you clearly do not deserve. Trusted you to do what was right for us and our people. And like a wild dog, you still tore him to pieces.”
A mournful silence pervades the room, broken only by Jin Guangyao’s slow pacing in front of the statue. “My lady, do you know the last thing your brother said to me… was to remind me that everything in my life I owed to him… and that without his support, I would be nothing more than a ‘backstabbing whoreson’?”
“That’s your justification for proving him right?” wonders Jiang Yanli.
“No,” admits Jin Guangyao. “I regret what I did that night. I have regretted it, all these years.”
“Liar,” mutters Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji puts a finger to his lips, but it’s too late.
“Someone else is here,” says Jin Guangyao. “Search the room.”
“No need,” says a new voice, and Lan Xichen steps into the temple, his hands up in a placating gesture as the monks train their weapons on him. “Xiaodi, I was told you were visiting your mother.”
“You could have waited in Lanling for me,” says Jin Guangyao, his eyes narrowed. “What brings you here instead, er-ge?”
“I came to return this,” says Lan Xichen, pulling out the demonic inquiry sheet music. “It has fulfilled its purpose. I no longer require it.”
Wei Wuxian stifles a gasp into Lan Wangji’s hand.
“It was a gift,” says Jin Guangyao. “I trust it has served you well?”
“Better than expected,” another voice cuts in, as Nie Mingjue also arrives in the temple, his saber drawn and expression thunderous. “The music you have given him has done nothing but invite resentful energy into him. It’s caused him to suffer qi deviations!”
“How would you know that was the music’s fault?” wonders Jin Guangyao. “After all, resentful energy is so unpredictable. Even if you only meant to enquire after it, it could still linger afterwards.”
“It was still you who gave him the score,” snaps Nie Mingjue. The ferocity in his stance is enough to cow several of the monks, who take some uncertain steps back towards Jin Guangyao.
“Are all of you useless?” demands Jin Guangyao. “Go stop anyone else from coming in!”
The monks bow and run off immediately. Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue barely spare them a passing glance.
“What about me, Master Jin?” asks Su She’s voice from beside Jiang Yanli. Wei Wuxian grits his teeth, remembering their last encounter at the Burial Mounds. Lan Wangji steadies him, putting a finger to his lips once more.
“Guard her,” snaps Jin Guangyao. There’s a hiss as Hensheng slips from around his arm. “I must have a word with my brothers.”
He doesn’t get far, though, before the melody of a qin begins to play. Wei Wuxian slams his hands over his ears at the discordant notes; Lan Wangji, too, looks pained as he holds Wei Wuxian back.
With the qin comes the thundering noise of a heartbeat, pulsing like a rapid-fire drum. Heavy, laboured breathing echoes through the room. And then, with a roar, Lan Xichen draws his sword.
“Brother!” he screams, lunging towards Jin Guangyao, who leaps out of the way. Blindly, Lan Xichen swipes and slashes through the air, spiritual energy toppling several of the candles in the room. Jiang Yanli screams, when his blade comes dangerously close to her face but only cuts a part of her veil. Wei Wuxian wants to leap into the fray, to stop Lan Xichen’s madness, but he is still being held in the shadows by Lan Wangji.
The melody continues to reverberate, as Lan Xichen’s sword finally meets Nie Mingjue’s saber. The two begin to fight, though Nie Mingjue’s platitudes to try and calm his sworn brother back down seem to fall on deaf ears.
“Lan Zhan,” whispers Wei Wuxian. “Stop the melody.”
“En,” agrees Lan Wangji, and reaches for his own guqin, only to find air where it should be.
Fuck, Wei Wuxian thinks. Lan Zhan broke his guqin when he won control over the Stygian Blade corpses back at the Burial Mounds!
“You think you can wield Bichen?” he asks. Lan Wangji’s brows furrow, but he nods. “Stop Master Su. He must be the one playing.”
“And you?”
Wei Wuxian takes out Chenqing. “I learnt from the best,” he says, and begins to play ‘Rest’.
At first, his own playing is weak, quavering from infrequent practice. But the memories are still there – evenings spent learning the tune in Yiling to help Lan Wangji dream better, mornings spent calming Jiang Cheng down whenever his temper flares. Wei Wuxian pours his love into the music, hoping that it will overpower the discordant notes driving Lan Xichen insane.
There is still good in you, too. This is not who you are.
Lan Xichen catches Jin Guangyao again, but when he attacks, Jin Guangyao side-steps him easily, and with a sickening crunch, Shuoyue is driven into Nie Mingjue’s chest instead.
A flash of darkness, and the strings that Su She had been playing – strings just breaths from Jiang Yanli’s face – snap mid-chord. He himself is knocked back to the ground, eyes going cross-eyed as Lan Wangji presses Bichen close to his nose.
“Go ahead,” sneers Su She. “Kill me.”
“No,” says Lan Wangji, and breaks his legs instead. Su She’s screams catch Jin Guangyao’s attention, whose expression contorts into a mask of fury as he sees Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji on the scene.
“One job!” he snaps, Hensheng flashing as it comes to meet Bichen. “You had one job, Su She!”
Wei Wuxian continues to play, but years of resentment and anger cannot be tamed with just one song. Lan Xichen’s eyes flash as he pulls the sword from Nie Mingjue’s chest, and makes to slash his head off –
“No!” screams yet another voice, as Lan Jingyi’s sword comes to meet his sect leader’s. “Hanguang-jun, catch!”
A parcel flies through the air, landing in Lan Wangji’s arms. It’s his guqin, repaired painstakingly by the juniors, imbibed with pure new strings woven by Lan Jingyi himself. Lan Wangji plays, and the melody flows strong and sure, rendering almost everyone in the room into limp relaxation.
The guqin and the dizi’s songs meld together, until the madness ebbs from Lan Xichen’s eyes and his sword clatters to the ground as he stares in horror at the blood blossoming from his sworn brother’s chest.
“Da-ge!” he breathes, making to rush to his side, but is blocked by Hensheng’s cruel gleam.
“He deserves this,” spits Jin Guangyao. “He’s hated me all this time, ever since the Sunshot campaign.”
Lan Xichen’s gaze is only sorrowful. “Your hatred has ruined me, xiaodi,” he says, and pushes him out of the way. “I betrayed one brother. I will not betray another.”
Saying that, he presses his hands to Nie Mingjue’s chest, giving him his spiritual energy, trying to heal his wounds. Jin Guangyao’s jaw clenches. Hensheng rears up, flying towards Lan Xichen’s back –
“Lan Huan!” shouts Lan Wangji.
Shocked, Lan Xichen looks back just in time, and rolls out of the way of the sword that now stabs into nothing but the temple ground. Jin Guangyao pulls the blade back out, but before he could attack again, the temple suddenly begins to shake.
Then Jin Zixuan bursts into the room, eyes white with feral anger.
There are already arrows sticking out of him like a porcupine, suggesting he’d already fought his way through the monks outside. His Sparks Amidst Snow regalia is stained with blood that clearly isn’t his own. With a roar, he lunges for Jin Guangyao, seizing him by the collar.
He’d never been this strong in life before. Being a fierce corpse has made him truly fearless. Despite Jin Guangyao’s best efforts, he can’t escape the corpse’s grasp, and tries instead to whistle, to wheedle, to do anything to try and calm his brother down.
Jin Zixuan, unrelenting, pulls an arm back as if he would plunge it into his brother’s chest and tear out his traitorous heart. But just as he’s about to do so, there’s the sound of barking and rushed footsteps.
“Baba!” shouts Jin Rulan’s voice.
“Jin Ling!” screams Lan Jingyi, from where he’d been helping Lan Xichen give spiritual energy to Nie Mingjue’s still form. “Jin Ling, no –”
Wei Wuxian screams, too, as Jin Rulan’s spiritual dog comes rushing into the temple. Chenqing clatters to the ground as he leaps into Lan Wangji’s arms, fear and adrenaline coursing through him at the sight of the husky. Seeing that, Jin Rulan whistles an order to his dog, causing Fairy to retreat.
“Baba,” says Jin Rulan, turning back to face his father. “I told you not to run away.”
The feral corpse of Jin Zixuan pauses, white pupils fading into black. He loosens his grip on Jin Guangyao, which is all the other man needs to kick him down.
“A-Ling, get out of the way!” screams Jiang Yanli, as Jin Ling dives out of the way of his father and uncle, moving to free her from her ropes. Wei Wuxian, too, squirms out of Lan Wangji’s arms, rushing to his shijie’s side.
“Has he hurt you?” he asks her, checking her over for any injuries.
“Nothing that won’t heal,” she replies, rubbing at her chafed wrists.
Su She makes a token protest, but Lan Wangji merely puts a foot over his neck.
Meanwhile, Jin Guangyao has managed to wrestle down Jin Zixuan, pinning him down and pulling out a banishment talisman from his robes. “Let’s see you come back from this,” he snarls, but before he can slam it onto Jin Zixuan’s head, there’s a sickening slice and a thud.
Nie Mingjue, using the very last bits of his energy, has sliced Jin Guangyao’s arm off. Blood spurts everywhere, as Jin Guangyao stumbles back in wide-eyed shock –
– onto the sword of Lan Xichen.
Lan Xichen’s eyes go wide. He pulls Shuoyue out in horror, as Jin Guangyao collapses into his arms. His Gusu robes are now more red than blue, more dark than white – a bloodied similarity to Lan Wangji’s own robes.
“Brother,” gasps Jin Guangyao, clutching onto him with his remaining arm, his fingers feeble, his breaths laboured in pain. “How could you…”
“I –” Lan Xichen’s face shines with tears. “I thought –”
“What did you think?” wonders Jin Guangyao, looking away from him, around the room. Jin Zixuan has recovered, rushing to his wife and son. Lan Wangji still has his foot on Su She’s neck. Lan Jingyi is tending to Nie Mingjue, who has fallen unconscious. “Out of everyone in the world, you were… the only one who saw me with respect. I only ever wanted to help you.”
“I’m sorry,” sobs Lan Xichen. Wei Wuxian wants to slap some sense into him. How could he, even after being faced with proof that Jin Guangyao had done nothing but use his desire for justice to evil ends, apologise like this to him?
Jin Guangyao says nothing more, though. His hand falls slack against Lan Xichen’s arm, his head lolls back. Lan Wangji lowers his gaze, stepping away from Su She’s whimpering, pained form and venturing closer to his brother, Bichen sheathing at his side.
Lan Xichen looks up at him, tears running down his cheeks. “Lan Zhan,” he says, his voice wavering, “I’m sorry.”
#魔道祖师#mo dao zu shi#mdzs#lily's dabbles#red envelope ficlets#yiling patriarch lwj au#anonymous#ask#violence tw#blood tw#death tw
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Steven Universe: The Lost Gempire Chapter 7
Chapter 7: Attack
(Disclaimer! You get the point)
Samus opened her eyes and found herself onboard the Great Fox.
“You’re ok!” said Steven.
“What happened?” she asked.
“You were injured so we got you patched up on here,” said Garnet, “But we couldn’t save Pearl.”
“Why would Akbar Shah want her anyway?” asked Connie.
Steven was looking up in the sky.
“Its amazing up here,” said Steven.
“Glad you like the view,” said Fox coming down, “Allow me to introduce myself; I’m Fox McCloud, ace pilot and leader of the StarFox team.”
“What is StarFox?” asked Steven.
“Its an elite team of pilots who protect Corneria City from any evil,” said Fox, “It was once lead by my father until his death, but I took the team out of retirement and filled it with pilots I know I can trust.”
Slippy was working on another invention.
“Like my best friend and classmate Slippy Toad,” said Fox with a smile, “He may be young, but his brain is as big as this ship.”
“Aww shucks,” he said.
Falco was playing a game on the TV.
“And Falco Lombardi,” said Fox, “He’s stubborn and doesn’t like to play by the rules, but is one of the best pilots I could find.”
Falco lost his last life.
“Augh, damn it!” he said as he threw his controller at the screen.
“Yep, like I said,” said Fox, “Best guys I could find.”
“How’s it hanging Falco,” said Slippy as he tried to put something on Falco’s head.
“Hey, let go of me!” said Falco.
“Just try it,” said Slippy.
“If I say yes will you get off of me?” asked Falco.
“So, whne we get to Corneria where should we go?” asked Slippy.
Falco had a visor on his head that could help him aim.
“Well there’s some nice spots over here we can check out,” said Fox.
“HEY!” said somebody.
It was Peppy Hare.
“This is NOT a vacation!” he said.
“And that’s Peppy Hare,” said Fox, “The glue that puts this team together, and a bit of a nag.”
“And just look at this mess!” said Peppy, “Were you two raised in a barn?!”
Falco finally completed the level.
“Alright!” he said.
“And no yelling!” shouted Peppy, “AND WHICH ONE OF YOU BOYS MESSED WITH MY DESK?!”
“Who spit in his bean curd?” asked Samus.
They finally landed in Corneria City. Samus walked slowly with Connie guiding her.
“I appreciate this, but I know how to walk,” said Samus as she smiled.
Falco got out and saw Meadow.
“Oh man,” he said.
Meadow saw him.
“Falco Lombardi, you’re alive?!” asked Meadow.
They hugged.
“So are you!” said Falco, “What happened? I woke up and I didn’t see anything, no ship, no you.”
“Where did you go?” asked Meadow.
“That doesn’t matter, Samus told me you completed our mission,” said Falco, “Hey that’s my jacket.”
Meadow started to take it off but was stopped.
“No, keep it,” said Falco, “You’re a good person Meadow.”
The StarFox team was debriefing the general about the plans.
“I see,” said General Pepper, “So Akbar Shah plans to use the special gem to merge Homeworld with our world.”
“Without it Homeworld stays stuck in Space, just a little close to our atmosphere,” said Falco.
“Thanks to the info that Meadow gave us, we should be able to plan an attack,” said General Pepper, “That was incredibly brave what you did, renouncing the Diamond Order, saving this man’s life…”
“Thank you sir, but a friend of Steven’s was taken prisoner,” said Meadow.
“And we’ll do what we can to get her back,” said Fox.
Everybody started getting into their battleships.
Connie tied tape onto her hands and put her hair back.
“I promise you Isaac, I will avenge you,” she said.
Steven was getting worried about her.
“Are you ok?” he asked.
“Never been better,” said Connie, “Let’s go Lion.”
They both got on Lion.
“Now this is a road trip,” said Amethyst.
Garnet had the special gem in her hands.
They started heading for the spaceship where the weapon was in place.
Akbar Shah was standing with Pearl.
“They’re coming,” he said, “You know what to do.”
“Yes,” said Pearl, “Kill Steven, and bring back Rose.”
Jasper was watching.
She secretly had a communicator and contacted Peridot.
“Now,” she said.
Lion was riding into space and Steven made a bubble.
“Connie, are you mad at me?” he asked.
“What?” asked Connie, “No, why would I?”
“Well… ever since what happened you seemed distant,” said Steven, “I thought you seemed angry that I didn’t call you about the Slipknot invasion.”
“I appreciate your concern Steven, but it isn’t about that,” said Connie, “I’m just focused on fighting Akbar Shah.”
“Because of what happened?” asked Steven.
“He killed my brother and father,” said Connie, “So I will avenge them…. But I won’t kill him.”
“Well if you need help, I’m there for you,” said Steven.
Garnet and Amethyst were flying in the Great Fox.
“Akbar Shah has brought war from homeworld,” said Garnet staring in the sky, “It is now our duty to end that war.”
“Um guys, we got company!” said Slippy.
Some gem ships were heading straight for the Great Fox.
“If we have to we’ll give you a hand!” said Connie.
“No, you head for Homeworld!” said Fox, “We’ll handle it from here!”
He and the other pilots jumped into their Arwings.
“There’s an extra one for you Peri,” said Falco, “Just don’t crashing it!”
“Got it,” he said.
He took Lapis’ hand and took her inside.
“Nice stereo,” said Lapis, “So Jasper can be trusted right?”
“Yes,” said Peridot, “Thanks to a little Peri-Corruption.”
“How did you do it anyway?” asked Lapis.
“I’ll tell you when this is all over,” said Peridot.
Steven, Connie, Samus and Lion made it to the docking part of the ship and activated their space suits.
“Good thing they gave these to us,” said Connie.
Akbar Shah sensed that Connie was close.
“Pearl, its time,” he said.
“Yes,” said Pearl.
She pulled out her spear and it had a darker look than before.
Steven and Connie were looking for an opening.
“You will go no further,” said someone.
It was Pearl.
“Pearl what happened to you?” asked Connie.
“You are no use of me,” she said.
Her eyes turned red as she looked at Steven.
She pushed Connie out of the way and attacked him. They fell inside the slip.
“Steven!” said Connie.
“Intruder!” said someone.
Gem soldiers started firing.
Connie used her sword to block.
Samus joined in to help her.
“We should be getting reinforcements soon!” said Samus.
“From who?” asked Connie, “It seems like all the gems wanna kill us, except for Meadow.”
“You’ll see,” said Samus.
Steven pushed Pearl off of him.
“Pearl what’s happened to you?” asked Steven.
“You killed Rose!” said Pearl, “Now you must pay!”
She got out her staff.
Steven blocked with his shield.
“Akbar Shah’s twisted your mind!” said Steven, “You’ve gotta fight it!”
“No, I must save Rose,” said Pearl.
She kept attacking while Steven kept dodging.
Steven managed to get in a few hits, but got hit himself.
“Pearl, I understand you’re tired,” said Steven, “But please try to remember who you are, and we can end this.”
“Yes… end this,” said Pearl.
“Yes,” said Steven.
“By ending YOU!” said Pearl.
Fox and his squad were looking for an opening for the ship.
“Slippy, where’s that analysis?!” asked Peppy.
“Give me a second,” said Slippy, “This tech takes time!”
He finally got it working.
“There it is!” said Slippy.
She pushed him down and saw his gem.
“This is for you Rose,” said Pearl.
“Pearl NO!” said Steven.
A pink light shined on both of them.
It was Rose.
“Rose?” asked Pearl.
“Mom?” asked Steven.
Rose approached Pearl and bent down to her.
“Rose…. Is it really?” she asked.
“Yes,” she said.
Rose touched her face, and the blackness was cured from her.
Pearl was returned back to normal.
“Rose…..” said Pearl with tears coming down her face, “Forgive me.”
Rose smiled and turned to Steven.
“Hello Steven,” said Rose.
“Um…. Its nice to meet you,” said Steven.
“Its nice to meet you too son,” said Rose, “You’ve grown to be a great man.”
“Mom, Pink Diamond said that you saved her life and showed her the true beauty of Earth,” said Steven, “Is all that true?”
“Yes, her death was exaggerated as humans would say it,” said Rose, “And with you to continue my legacy, I know humans and gems will eventually live in harmony.”
Steven smiled.
“The battle is far from over,” said Rose, “You must stop Akbar Shah and help him discover himself again?”
“How?” asked Steven, “He murdered Connie’s brother.”
“There is more to him than you believe Steven,” said Rose, “Now you must help Connie.”
She started to disappear.
“I love you Steven,” she said as she hugged him.
Pearl turned to him.
“Steven?” asked Pearl.
“Let’s go save our friends,” said Steven.
Connie and Lapis were fighting off the gem soldiers.
“Where did your brother get this kind of technology?!” asked Lapis.
“Beats me,” said Connie.
She used a sword technique to take down a soldier with stone powers.
“Connie get down!” said Lapis.
She did a water attack and washed away other soldiers.
“Wow, no wonder Peridot loves his limb enhancers,” said Lapis.
Jasper was helping Samus out of the skirmish.
She did a roll attack to clear the way.
“I’ll hold them off!” she said, “You help the others!”
“Thanks Jasper,” said Samus.
She got her power suit on and managed to meet the others.
“TRAITOR!” shouted someone.
It was Jasper’s old comrade, Beryl.
“It doesn’t have to be like this,” said Jasper, “We can still stop this.”
“Its too late for that,” said Beryl as her hands turned to crystals, “Now I’m going to do what I should’ve done!”
She was fighting Jasper.
Connie was getting cornered by the enemies.
“It ends now sword girl,” said one of them.
“STEVEN BOMB!” shouted Steven as he landed down and cast a bubble.
“Steven!” said Connie as she hugged him, “I knew you were still alive!”
Fox and his squad were firing at the enemy gems.
Meadow was on Falco’s ship firing her cannon.
“Man, you have the best technology on Earth,” she said.
“Thanks,” said Falco.
“We got these punks Steven,” said Jasper, “GO!”
“Thanks Jasper,” said Steven.
He and Connie went to the docking bay of the battleship.
“Now we just have to destroy this area and the ship should go down,” said Steven.
He was about to touch something when a beam almost hit him.
It was Akbar Shah.
“We’re not done yet,” he said menacingly.
“You’re a monster,” said Connie.
“Its just us now,” said Akbar Shah, “The bounty hunter can’t save you.”
Steven got his shield out and Connie got her sword out.
“I should’ve known that Pearl would be too weak to finish you off,” said Akbar Shah, “No matter, I’ll take pride in destroying you myself.”
Samus kept firing at the enemy gems.
One of gthem fired and it hit Samus.
Her power suit was badly damaged.
“Shit!” she said.
Jasper covered her while Lapis and Peridot got her to shelter.
“Thanks for the save,” said Samus.
“Don’t mention it,” said Lapis, “Just helping out the cause!”
She used water attacks to wash away the enemy gems.
Meadow saw an opening.
“That’s the control panel!” said Meadow, “Falco land me down there!”
“Got it,” said Falco.
Steven and Connie were fighting Akbar Shah.
“I’ve been looking forward to this day,” he said.
“My power has doubled snce the last time we fought,” said Connie.
“Good, twice the pride, and double the fall,” said Akbar Shah.
He went after Connie and Steven blocked him.
He then did a jump and countered with a spin kick to the face.
“Impressive,” he said, “Most impressive.”
“You’ll find out I’m full of surprises,” said Steven.
He was about to attack but Akbar Shah pushed him back.
“Connie, fusion!” he said.
“Right,” said Connie.
“Oh no you don’t!” said Akbar Shah.
Meadow appeared and held him back.
“I’ll hold him off while you fuse!” she said.
Steven and Connie did the fusion dance while Meadow fought Akbar Shah.
“You’re a failure L-1991, a mistake that should’ve been erased,” he said, “But I’m going to see to that personally.”
Meadow got out a beam saber and started fighting him.
“Try to delay the inevitable, but its still inevitable,” said Akbar Shah.
Meadow was able to hold her own despite Akbar Shah being stronger than her.
Their blades clashed and Akbar Shah started to get the upper hand.
However Meadow forced him back and cut him.
Furious he countered and made her drop her weapon.
Meadow jumped out of the way before he could strike again.
Stevonnie stepped in with her sword and shield.
“This ends now Akbar Shah,” said Stevonnie.
The ship started to fall apart taking heavy fire power.
“You could have the power of true warriors,” said Akbar Shah.
“No!” said Stevonnie.
“You could bring planets to their knees!” said Akbar Shah.
“Never!” said Stevonnie.
She ferociously attacked Akbar Shah and cut his leg.
“I can feel it in you,” said Akbar Shah, “Your true power.”
Stevonnie attacked him again.
“Give in to your hatred, and embrace the darkness,” said Akbar Shah.
Stevonnie finally had enough of his taunts and pushed him down constantly striking him.
“Yes, keep striking,” said Akbar Shah.
She finally destroyed her weapon.
“Its over Shah,” said Stevonnie.
She walked away.
“You didn’t finish me off,” said Akbar Shah.
“Its not what Isaac would’ve wanted,” said Stevonnie.
She unfused.
“Revenge isn’t the answer,” said Connie.
“You have so much potential but you fail to see it,” said Akbar Shah as he took off his mask, “But if you join me, I will complete your training, and we can end this foolish conflict between humans and gems!”
“Never,” said Connie, “I’ll never join you.”
“If only you knew the true power your gem possesses,” said Akbar Shah, “Before Doug Maheswaran died, he never told you what happened to your brother.”
“He told me enough,” said Connie, “He told me you killed him.”
“No Connie,” said Akbar Shah, “I am your brother.”
Hearing those words made Connie flinch.
“No….. that’s not true,” said Connie, “That’s not possible!”
“Search your feelings Connie, you will know it to be true,” said Akbar Shah.
“No….” she said, “No……”
“Join me, and we can rule the Earth as brother and sister, and show all humans how strong the Maheswaran family is!” said Akbar Shah.
The great fox appeared.
“Steven, Connie, jump!” said Garnet.
She took Steven’s hand and they both jumped out.
Akbar Shah watched them leave.
“Call off the troops and move out,” said Akbar Shah, “The mission has failed.”
He found an abandoned ship and flew off.
The battleship started to fall down as it could no longer sustain Homeworld’s weight.
Homeworld started to move further from Earth.
The battle was won….. for now.
Steven hugged Connie.
“I’m sorry about all this,” said Steven, “It’s a lot to take in, I know.”
Connie hugged back.
“I just don’t believe it,” said Connie, “Akbar Shah….. can’t be my brother.”
“Peridot didn’t you use to work with him?” asked Amethyst, “When you saw him you told him something far worse happened to him.”
“I don’t think we should get into all of that,” said Jasper, “Right now we should be happy that we saved Earth from another catastrophe.”
Connie wiped away her tears.
“She’s right,” said Connie.
She then turned to Steven and kissed him.
Later in Corneria City, Steven and the gems got medals for their assistance in stopping Akbar Shah.
“Thank you all for your help,” said Samus, “But I think I should be heading back.”
“Where?” asked Steven.
“I’m going to school in Los Angeles to meet with my mentor,” said Samus, “But if you ever need anything you know who to call.”
She got in her ship and flew off.
Later Steven was about to video chat Peridot.
“Hey Peri,” said Steven.
“Hey Peridot,” said Connie.
“Can you two hear me?” asked Peridot.
“We can hea…..” said Steven.
“CAN YOU HEAR ME?!” he screamed.
“We can hear you,” said Connie.
“Check it out,” said Peridot, “I found a way to get some wi-fi on the farm!”
He showed them a little invention he put together.
“That’s cool,” said Connie, “Meanwhile I got the honor roll at school again!”
“That’s great to hear,” said Peridot.
“And I was featured on the news on an article about The Peacekeepers,” said Steven, “They’re calling me a living legend!”
“Hey Lapis, come say hi,” said Peridot.
Lapis saw both Steven and Connie.
“IS that Steven and Connie?!” she asked, “How did they get trapped in there?!”
“Now Lap… calm down,” said Jasper but was pushed out of the way.
“Lapis its just a….” said Peridot.
The video disconnected.
“I gotta go check on them Connie,” said Steven, “I’ll be back.”
He rushed to the farm.
Lapis had her bat ready.
“Lapis no!” said Peridot.
“Hold on Steven, I’ll save you like you did for me!” said Lapis.
“STOP!” said Steven.
Lapis turned around and saw him.
“I was so worried!” said Lapis as she hugged him, “Sorry about that Per…”
“Its fine,” he said, “Just take it easy with the bat.”
“Everything’s ok Connie, I’m about to come back,” said Steven.
Lion saw the laptop.
“Wait… Lion what are you doing?” asked Connie.
“Lion be careful….” Said Steven, “NO!”
Lion dropped the laptop.
“Oh god,” he said rushing back to the temple, “That was Connie’s Laptop!”
Lapis and Peridot laughed while looking up at the sky.
Yet another day was saved thanks to the help of Steven, and the Crystal Gems.
Simple Creed by Live
Born with your back to the god that spit you out on the riverbed
Angry at who? Me? You better back up fool
I bet you took a gun to school too
But now, nobody's takin' your candy
You just keep on livin' this tragedy
To each his own, but
I wait for you to take my hand
Cuz we need each other
We gotta love each other
Born with your back to the god that picked you up by the puppy scruff
Angry at who? Me? You better back up fool
And be grateful that the real me is always hidin' from you
Now, nobody's takin' your bicycle
Maybe somebody should take your microphone
To each his own, but
I wait for you to understand that we need each other
We gotta love each other (I wait for your to understand)
That we need each other (I wait for you to take my hand)
Someone should take your microphone
Someone should leave their live at home
Someone will take your bubble gum
Someone will take your life and run
Always, would she always, get ya always, walky hallways, try again, lie again, don't let him
Don't let love, now won't get love, now don't show love, now don't know love, now won't know love
I wait for you to take my hand, I wait for you to take my hand (I wait for you to take my hand)
Yeah, cuz we need each other
You know, we gotta love each other
Cuz we need each other, yeah
We gotta love, we gotta love each other (It's gonna be all, alright) (Someone, will take your life and run)
We need each other (It's gonna be all, alright)
Yeah, we gotta love each other (It's gonna be all, alright) (I wait for you to understand)
You know, we need each other (It's gonna be all, alright) (I wait for you to take my hand)
We gotta love, we gotta love each other
STEVEN UNIVERSE WILL RETURN……
Samus was back in Los Angeles talking to her mentor, Michael Morrison.
They were both in a lab at school that was trashed by unknown adversaries.
“Really?” he asked, “REALLY samus?!”
He was angry because she had damaged the suit that he made for her.
“Six days?” asked Michael, “It only took you six days to take a piece of completely renovated piece of weaponized armor, and then turn it to garbage?!”
“I acted with good intentions,” said Samus.
“Don’t talk to me about good intentions,” said Michael, “Do you have any idea how much I invested to make this thing?!”
He looked at the damaged power suit.
“It had some functions I was planning to install,” he said, “Some really nice ones too.”
He turned back to face her.
“Talking to me about good intentions,” said Michael, “You know I have a good intention to prohibit your ass from test driving anymore of my creations.”
“I’m aware of that,” said Samus.
“Well thank God its still functional, so just have it fixed up, just like you found it,” said Michael, “And don’t have Anela making a bunch of modifications like a…. a damn Jet Pack!”
“Yes Michael,” said Samus.
“But…. Keep the color scheme,” said Michael, “I dig it.”
“I know sir,” said Samus.
“You know sir,” said Michael, “So how did it work in combat?”
“Well Michael,” said Samus, “Thanks for asking.”
He walked away.
“Talking to me about good intentions,” he said walking away.
Samus called Anela.
“Yeah, Annie…. We’re gonna have to kill the jet pack,” she said.
#Samus Aran#metroid#akbar shah#steven universe#connie maheswaran#starfox#Falco Lombardi#slippy toad#peppy hare#smash bros#stevonnie#connverse#lion steven universe#lapis lazuli#jasper#peridot#Michael Morrison
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Say Amen (Saturday Night)
Chapter: 1/?
Pairings: Prinxiety, side Logicality, Platonic Moxiety, Platonic/Family Logince.
Warnings: None that I can think of.
Words:4708
Summary: Sanders Sides Human College AU
Being partnered for a class project causes some tension for Virgil and Roman. Until they both go to the same party and well...things happen.
Chapter 1: I Pray for the Wicked on the Weekend
~
On a Friday in a classroom sounds of idle chatter filled the room, if someone were to look through the window a light drizzle would be visible.
The teacher arrived soon after the bell, she wore a white blouse, tan sweater vest with multicolored diamond pattern, and blue jeans.
After she dropped her books onto her desk, she then began to frantically attempt to smooth her slightly damp brown bob. Before she spoke she adjusted her glasses that matched her bright red lipstick.
"I am sure you have all read the assigned books." she began. "Your task now will be to work on a creative presentation about any of the themes the work of your choosing. This project will be due at the end of the semester."
"I'd like to let you all pick your own partners for this assignment, BUT many of you elect to not pick partners"
In the in back of the room, a boy named Virgil sat. He was only half awake due to his chronic insomnia, so he didn't notice a quick look in his direction. With him being in her Creative Writing class last semester, she knew that he had difficulty with group participation.
"I will be choosing your partners for myself"
Towards the front of the room was the dramatic Roman. He was doodling ying yangs in his notebook absentmindedly as he kept an ear open for his name.
"Mr. Sanderson and Mr. Alexander"
Roman pulled from his daze he looked up. He did not recognize the name 'Mr. Alexander', he took a look around to see who was the lucky winner of his partnership. He saw that he had no one looking towards him with joy and excitement.
The teacher had moved on, so he turned to his desk mate, a friendly brown haired fella named Sloane.
"Who is Mr. Alexander?" he whispered not wanting to offend the person in question.
"The boy in the black, in the back corner, his first name is Virgil." he replied with a smile."Cute, in a edgy kinda way right?"
He turned around in his chair to take a subtle peak at him, he was a bit surprised so his gaze lingered.
The boy in question had on a black leather jacket with a gray hoodie under and under that a dark gray t-shirt.
So many layers thought Roman, was he THAT cold? His legs were clad in black tattered jeans, and on his feet were black and metal combat boots.
This Virgil had the gray of his hoodie up over his head and his face downcast.
This made Roman ever so curious to see what lie underneath.
Not his usual type at all, but everything he could see, was very hot none the less.
"Yeah," he grinned agreeing with the assessment. "Well, its time to meet my new cohort!"
~
Virgil had actually heard that his name announced. But his social anxiety was getting the better of him at the moment. He was still gathering his courage to get up from his desk when a person approached his desk.
He glanced up and then did a second take at the stunningly gorgeous male in front of him. A delicate wisp of red hair fell in front of his whiskey brown eyes.
Scarlet pigmentation faded to orange, yellow then at the crown of his head there was a shift in hues to green. Then blue and then finally the last color at the nape of his neck was a hint of purple.
He wore what almost looked like a letter mans jacket. Tan on the body of the jacket, cream sleeves, stripes of black and red at the wrists and at the collar. Underneath the jacket was a tight fit white shirt that showed off his fit body.
Unwillingly the thought of the Tumblr post of Dorito!Steve came into his head, it did make him internally chuckle a bit. As his eyes scan the lower half of him he saw skinny blue jeans and brown boots.
Virgil looked up at his face after a embarrassingly long time of ogling his body.
~
When the leather clad boy looked up Roman could finally see his face. His blue eyes narrowed then widened with a look of surprise. Roman's knees felt weak, he had a strong weakness with so called guyliner. Roman wondered if he was wearing light foundation, could his skin be that pale and smooth?
"Hey there, I'm Roman Sanderson." Roman declared with a grin and flourish, waiting for him to introduce himself.
Although he knew his name he wouldn't deny him the opportunity of a proper first meeting.
"And your name handsome?" Roman inquired as Virgil blushed at the compliment. He reached a ring clad hand over to remove his Nightmare Before Christmas messenger bag from the seat next to him. It was kept by his side as a sign to say 'This seat is not available don't sit next to me!'
"Virgil Alexander" his quiet gravely voice responded and ducked his head in embarrassment. Roman suppressed a small shiver at the deep baritone voice.
Roman slid into the seat to the left of him, then took out his three books. Getting a closer look at him from up close he saw his face in more detail. How could Roman have never noticed him before, he was outstanding! He had a pointed chin, full lips, the carved cheek bones like a sculpture, that Roman would kill for. His facial features were sharp yet pleasing. It was like looking at an scowling angry angel.
"So...” he cleared his throat with a small cough “I am partial to the Epic of Beowulf. I love warriors defeating monsters. Knights and Fantasy is so my jam. My nickname around the drama department is Prince Roman.”
He waited for a moment for the dark boy to contribute to the conversation. Also much as he loved to hear his own voice and get to have creative freedom. He was beginning to worry that this partner would be no help on the project if they couldn't communicate. He hated when others who didn't help to get credit for his work.
“BUT I'm guessing that you would favor Dante's Inferno." Roman harmlessly teasing him.
"Cause of my name, right?" Virgil deadpanned flatly as he stared at his chipped nail black polish on his right thumb.
"No, not because of that, even though that is a very funny coincidence." the bright boy smiled as he finally got a response. "Because it seems like you like dark things? " He then gestured towards his messenger bag and person with a large flourish of his hand.
Virgil chuckled at that.
“Yeah I do, look a bit somber.” he replied as he looked down at his attire.
“I think you look JD-lightful.” Roman complimented wondering if Virgil got that reference. JD was a villain, but he was hot.
“Are you comparing me to a sociopath?” he muttered with a slight edge to his voice, as he finally raised his head to look at Roman.
An awkward silence fell over them. Roman broke the quiet a bit louder than necessary.
“I didn't mean to insult you! I just...!”
“I was kidding.” he smirked as he interrupted seeing that Roman had began to panic.
“I understand the look is intimidating. And I get it Christian Slater was hot, so, I guess thanks.”
“Oh, you know I wasn't even sure if you had seen it.” he sighed with relief, internally he was feeling a rush of excitement. He thought that JD was hot, so possibly gay.
“Its a dark deconstruction of those unrealistic 80's teen movies, I love it. I'm also a fan of Winona Ryder, she's in a lot of my favorites. Beetlejuice, The Crucible, Edward Scissorhands, Dracula, Stranger Things.” his face brightening a little bit as he named each movie and tv show. Roman was mildly impressed by his taste in media.
Many of them were things that he would have guessed, like the Tim Burton movies. But he wouldn't have guessed The Crucible to be on his list.
“Wow, so have you ever seen the musical?” Roman asked excitedly.
“Of Heathers? No I can't say I have.” he admitted with a lift of one side of his mouth.
"It's amazing. Candy Shop is such a bop! Although I would very much like to suggest some more productions for you. Wicked, Sweeney Todd, Jekyll and Hyde, and the classic Phantom of the Opera. Oooooh speaking of Opera, Repo the Genetic Opera is a movie musical, so much easier and cheaper to watch. Repo is has an extremely gothic aesthetic. It doesn't have a stage production sadly.”
“You really like theatre don't you?”
“I'm an actor so I would say that I do. I've been in many productions both musical and straight play. Of course that doesn't mean that I'm straight.” he gave a wink at that. Feeling more in his comfort zone being able to brag about himself.
Virgil could feel the reddening of his face at the wink.
“Soooo... I WAS actually leaning more towards Dante's Inferno...” he hastily changed subject to ease his discomfort, missing the micro expression of disappointment on Roman's face.
~
"So are you going to Sloane's party tomorrow night? It's supposed to be chill and if you know him he has great taste in music." Roman questioned as class drew to a close. "If you'd like I could accompany you, you know... "
Much like the class bell going off, within Virgil's mind an alarm went off as well. He suddenly on was guard, his thoughts went to disbelief.
How could he believe anything that he is saying. His words are too charming, it reminds him of.... Virgil began to think, before shaking his head and refusing to continue down that train of thought. His mind was screaming that this guy was not interested in him.
"Yeah, no, Romano was it?" Virgil snarled at him, "I don't know what you want, but I'm not an idiot, so just stop this stupid game."
Roman was so confused.
"Who spit in your bean curd?" Roman asked taken aback.
"I know guys like you, and I don't like being manipulated."
"Excuse Me!" He exclaimed as he placed a hand on his own chest."Their are no GUYS like ME!"
"I'm not falling for this Prince Charming ACT!"
"Act, ACT! I may be an accomplished actor," He declared as he stood with a dramatic chair push, he squared his shoulders with a proud look on his face. “But when it comes to affairs of the heart, I'm never insincere with my affections! When I say that I would like to take you to a party, I truly mean it. "
With a dramatic flourish of his hand he placed a hand to his chest and gave a look of extreme distress.
"Sure, of course you do, Princey." he scoffed as he stood up as well.
Roman gave the smallest step back as Virgil had seemed shorter than him while they were sitting. Since he had been slouching. But at full height he probably had at lest two inches on him.
“Fine, Forget it!” Roman angrily declared as he grabbed his bag and stomped out of the now empty room. “No, seriously Forget I ever said anything to you! When we work on this on Sunday lets just skip the pleasantries.”
“Fine with me” Virgil retorted as they both reached the door around the same time.
Roman took a turn to the left out the door. Virgil to the right.
~
Thinking it over and over in his head while he made his way back to his dorm room. The thought that maybe Virgil could have said no a little nicer, did occur to him. But he was so startled he just said the first thing that came to his head.
He was just going to try and go to sleep till Patton returned to the room.
Roman thankfully had already scheduled something that evening that would keep him distracted. He went directly to the drama department and picked up his sheet music for the singing portion of his his auditions. After singing through his warm up scales and the pianist came up to him and told him that he was up next.
Agony by the great song writer Stephen Sondheim was ironically the perfect song for him at the moment.
He did flub up on the pronouns a couple of times but he easily had the feelings behind it spot on.
“Hey you seemed a little bit off today, you okay?” a person with big brown eyes and a orange beanie on their head.
“Yeah Joan, I'm just thinking of my last class. This literature class is harder than I thought it would be.” Roman replied with a halfhearted smile, he wasn't technically lying to one of his best friends. He just didn't include the Virgil part that was making it difficult.
“Well if that's all it is. ” Joan said skeptically.“You did really good today. I could really hear the feeling behind it. You really have been working on the characterization”
“Thanks,” Roman smiled fully the compliment. Joan finished up playing the piano for the rest of the actors.
“So hey are you going to Sloane's tomorrow?” Roman asked impulsively, thinking that going alone would be a bit shameful after he had been shunned earlier. Even taking a friend would be something.
“Nah, I have plans with Talyn.” Joan said as they took their papers from the piano and returned them to their folder.
“Oh, ok” he sighed dejectedly
“Ok now I know that something is wrong!” they accused gesturing with the folder. “If you were feeling like yourself, you would be bragging that you were the one to set us up!”
“I just am worried about class.”
“Class, huh.”
“What's his name?”
“Virgil” Roman said without thinking. He then tried to recover, but failed. “I mean...who?”
“Come on let's go get some food. You can tell me all about 'Class'.” Joan finger quoted and then led Roman out of the auditorium.
~
"Patton, why?" Virgil whined as he sat on his bed the next evening.
"I love you my dark strange son" a soft lilting voice announced. Patton had a strange habit of calling his best friend son and kiddo, he was a wonderful combination of Parental and Childlike. Virgil when he first met this guy he didn't really 'get' him. But he was also always in his corner, regardless of who he was fighting.
"You need to meet people"
"I don't want to meet people, I hate people!"
"You don't hate me." Patton objected with slight questioning pout.
"You're not People." Virgil muttered with a tiny corner of his lip lifting.
"Awww, Come here you Anxious Bean!" his bubbly voice exclaimed as he opened his arms wide for a hug.
Patton was a very touchy person, he hugged as a hello and a goodbye. Incidents had happened when Virgil had to remind him that he must ask if someone was in a mood for a hug at the moment. Virgil was hoping that Patton to let him stay and listen to music with the lights off.
With only a small sigh he shuffled over towards his best friends. He let Patton give him a squeeze,but did not wrap his arms around him in return.
"You are going through a tough time, kiddo." he continued Virgil visibly bristles at the mention of the difficulty he had been going through.
"I don't like when you pressure me to be social." Patton unwrapped his limbs, but kept in physical contact by holding him by the shoulders. He was trying to get some sort of eye contact as well. But Virgil kept his eyes downcast.
"I'm not saying that you have to find a new boyfriend. You could just get to know your classmates outside of class."
"College kids are even worse outside of Class."
"Now Kiddo, you too are a so called “college Kid” no need to be so gosh darn judgmental." Patton said as he let his friend escape his grasp, Virgil sat aggressively on his bed with a little bounce of the mattress.
“If I leave you all alone, you will just listen to that PG13 music in the dark. I really really think you need to do this. Don't you know I just want you to be happy?”
"Yeah I know you do...” Virgil then decided that he would get this out of the way.
"But after this, I'm off the hook for being social for the next two months, ok?"
"One month"
"A month and two weeks, and I'll go with you to the Halloween Costume Party"
“You'll actually go in costume? Not just wear a paper that says 'costume' on it?”
“Yes,”
"Deal!" he exclaimed as his soft blue eyes lite up in excitement.
"I'm glad that you are happy."
"So how do I look?" he asked as he opened his arms again this time to give his friend a clear view of his shirt. On his torso was a pink floral shirt covered in cats that said 'You've Cat to be Kitten Me Right Meow'.
"You look nice." Virgil responded as he dumped the contents of his makeup bag onto the bed. He grabbed his black eyeliner which he used to reapplied his underneath his eyes.
After finishing his face he went to his closet he took a look at his personal armor, his black hoodie with a gray grid pattern. He could cover his head with it's comforting hood, and avoid eye contact.
“Who's party is this anyway?” Virgil asked as he pulled on his converse.
“It's at my pal Corbin's house, I think his boyfriend is hosting though.” Patton stated as they left the room.
~
In a comfortable sized apartment within walking distance of the college. Roman started at his refection in the large bathroom mirror. He finished his applying his golden winged eyeliner. He dusted on a hint of highlighter on his cheeks and forehead. He finished off his look with a red tinted lipstick.
In the doorway stood a tall man with hazel eyes peering at him.
"You know that the social gathering starts in less than 15 minutes." Logan sighed as he looked at his stainless steel binary watch."And it will take at lest 20 or more minutes to get there, not to mention the hassle of finding a spot."
"Well I have to make a good impression, the people must get what they want!" Roman exclaimed as he did another take at his hair.
Roman took a glance over at him. Logan while never a slob, he also had such a nerdy style. In fact he had been mistaken for a teacher several times. He wore a black button up shirt, a pair of khakis and brown dress shoes. He was at the moment tying a plain blue tie.
"Why the Tie, Logan Berry?" Roman questioned.
"Don't call me that. If I remember correctly the saying that mother always said 'Dress to impress'. I like you also want to make a good impression. Just in a less flashy more conservative professional way." he said as "Now what do you think the four-in-hand or half Windsor?"
"Neither! What do you think that a job interviewer is going to be at the party? That they are going to see you in something with style and say, “Hmm that Logan could have had a job at our stuffy office but look at his outfit”!"
“Why do I even ask!” he fumed as he went with a half Windsor and left Roman alone momentarily.
Grabbing his gold cased phone off of the marble counter top he glanced at himself. He took a few pictures and posted them on Instagram with the hashtag #Slay.
As he left with his thoughts he returned to think of how in a different situation. Roman could have been going to this party with a rather striking date instead of his nerdy older brother. He felt unease at the memory of Virgil suddenly turning on him. Roman had thought that they had been having a rather enjoyable time. That they had a sort of connection.
He had just wanted to spend more time with him. And it wasn't like he had outright stated his lack of interest in men. He could have understood that. But that fact that it seemed to be Roman himself that he objected to really hurt.
"Parking spot." Logan said as he returned, now with suspenders that Roman had to admit made the outfit look a little better. Roman quickly removed the look of sadness from his face before turning to his worrisome sibling.
"Well we can take an Uber or a LYFT, or something!" he replied as he grabbed a denim jacket and pulled it on.
“Ooooh Lyft definitely, Uber is known to employ homophobic individuals.” Logan elaborated as he pulled out his phone to order a Lyft.
“Okay Lyft it is!” he declared as he gave himself one last look over before heading out to the living room to wait for the ride.
~
"Hey there gorgeous, how you doing on this fine night Corbin?" Roman he said to a short glassed boy with brown skin “Your boyfriend hosts a nice shindig!”
“Hello Roman, thanks. He really loves these things. It makes him so happy that I barely mind cleaning up the mess at the end of the evening.” he proclaimed as he motioned to the room with a head nod. He smiled at his boyfriend who approached with two bottles.
“Ah the things we do for LOVE!” Roman exclaimed as Sloane slung an arm around his shorter partner.
“Speaking of romance, how's the master of love and matchmaking doing lately?” his usual deskmate and friend asked kindly.
“I did ask Virgil from our Medieval Lit class to come with me here.” Roman hated admiting that he had been jilted, but Sloane was such a sweetheart that he just knew that he would have something to make him feel better. “I can't believe he rejected me. And so harshly. ME!”
“Well, he...” Sloane began.
“I mean I was so charming...sincerely charming. Not faking it like he thought!” Roman interrupted.
“SO did you bring your brother with you?” Corbin hollered over Roman to make sure that he was able to get a word in as he saw the struggle that his boyfriend was having. Sloane gave him a silent 'thank you' unseen by a preoccupied Roman. “I had a question for him for our chem class.”
“I just...” Sloane tried again.
“Can you believe it!” Roman once again continued to talk over his soft spoken friend.
“He's out on the patio, if I remember correctly he was talking to Elliot Smith.” Roman sighed as he returned to his thoughts, not noticing the look of concern that Corbin and Sloane exchanged.
“Ok, well I'll see you around Roman.” Sloane said before he took his partner's arm and they walked through the crowd.
“Yeah,” he muttered to the couple.
He was at a party! He had to do something to make himself feel better.
“Hey Enrique, Come on over here Handsome.” Roman took out a phone, as he called over an attractive looking guy with long brown hair. “Lets take a few for Instagram!”
“If anyone wants to follow me it's Prince of Romance!” he loudly declared. As a few more people got into frame he took a couple pictures with them posting different each time. From a view able distance arrived Virgil and Patton with his head bopping along to the music.
“And THAT is who I was assigned to work with in Medieval Lit. ” Virgil grumbled as he gestured with his grape Gatorade, before taking a swig.
“Seems like a friendly fella!” Patton exclaimed with a happy clasp of his hands
“Lets go talk to him.” “I rather not” Virgil stated with a gruff tone.
“Why not?” Patton asked Virgil had decided to not tell his best friend about Roman coming on to him. He knew that Patton would make a bigger deal of it than it was.
“I already am getting to know him well enough.” Virgil said hoping that would be that.
“But...” Patton started.
“Patton! Virge! So great to see you out and about!” a lovely girl with shoulder length brown hair and brown eyes came up to them. “He promised to go with me to the costume party.” Patton excitedly said to the short girl.
“Yay! Virge, can I borrow Patton for a quick minute?” she asked with a warm and bright smile.
“Sure Val, no problem.” Virgil replied as he was actually very happy for the bubbly pair to take their leave.
Here that showboat was flirting with every guy within range. Just like Virgil had guessed, he wasn't really interested in him. I mean why would he be? Stupid Roman with his stupid gold phone, stupid strong jaw, and stupid waist to hip ratio of Steve fucking Rogers! Looking at the easy smile on his face as he chatted with his friends after his impromptu photo shoot.
Virgil felt a disappointment that he knew it was unwarranted.
Roman didn't owe him anything.
~
“Fuck” he cursed to himself. He wondered how out of any party he HAD to be at this one.
Virgil was unsure how long he was left alone before he spotted the absolute last person that he wanted to see.
His honey colored slicked back hair, dressed in a checkered yellow and black button up shirt and black slacks. Virgil couldn't see his feet but he was sure that he was wearing his signature gold snake scale shoes.
He felt his rapid and loud heartbeat. All the voices around him turned to buzzing incomprehensible sounds that almost sounded inhuman. He glanced behind him and saw that Jae was still there, looking for someone.
Virgil covered his head with his hood and began to search for Patton.
Walking down the small hallway trying to escape he only saw a few handful of blurry unrecognizable faces.
Virgil was sure that he was spotted, feeling dizzy he ducked his head lower. He in his confused state continued his retreat in the opposite direction to where Patton was. Struggling to remember the breathing techniques that Dr. Picani taught him.
Four in, hold for seven, breath out for eight.
His panicked brain formed an insane plan. Then as he turned the corner and entered a semi-secluded hallway like magic he saw a face that he knew. He made his way through the crown and slides up in front of Roman.
He threw back his hood and hurriedly pleaded.
"Hey, my ex is here, I need help! Please make out with me!"
Chapter 3
~
Chapter 2
#Prinxiety#prinxiety fanfiction#virgil sanders#roman sanders#sanders sides fanfiction#logan sanders#patton sanders#logicality
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Do you ever see a comment and just Who spit in your bean curd?
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