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gyuswhore · 2 years ago

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Hits Different (...'cause it's you) (1)

«« I trace the evidence, make it make some sense Why the wound is still bleedin' »»

PAIRING: kim mingyu x reader

SYNOPSIS: Kim Mingyu was the first friend your brother had brought home for dinner. Fast forward a couple years, his toothy smile and pierced ears would wedge their way into a permanent place in your heart. Nail to a coffin, never to escape.

or;

in which you get rejected by the only boy you've ever loved; a rejection you can't quite shake off.

GENRES: based off of 'Hits Different' by Taylor Swift, brother's best friend!au, brother!seokmin, fluff, angst, smut (in part 2) [MINORS DNI], friends(?) to lovers, university!au.

PLAYLIST: right here!

WORD COUNT (full fic): 40k (im actually embarrassed)

Part 1: 20.2k | Part 2: 20k

masterlist

WARNINGS : slowburn, angst, fluff, mingyus a bit of an airhead and an ass, reader has a hard time managing her feelings, lots of frustrated tears, one sided pining, user toruro x minghao make an appearance, swearing, there's another woman (gasp,,,,,but shes cool so), Nayeon is a darling, Seungcheol is kinda annoying here but we love him, smut tags in part 2

(Comments from @toruro): "oh shizzle", "yeah bitch", (on jihyo) "mother", "ME X HAO FIRE EMOJI", "men (derogatory)"

[A/N]: Tumblr is annoying and won't let me post the entire 40k in one go so i have to break it up (part 2 is out tomorrow!!!) i hope you guys enjoy this, thank you for all the love on the teaser, i hope this is able to live up to the hype, thank you so much for being patient with me <33 (ty @toruro for encouraging me when i felt shit ab this gkjnrgvkjrng and beta-ing ofc)

As someone who could vomit at the mere thought of throw-up, you tried not to stare into the toilet bowl as you emptied your guts in this questionable club bathroom.

It was proving to be easier than you’d anticipated, naturally, when your eyes were blurred with bubbling tears. Were they because of your wretching or the feelings that churned in your heart? You can’t be entirely sure, nor can you find yourself having the mental strength to figure out. There’s a banging on the door behind you, one that sends your already aching head into a hurling spin.

“Open the door, I have water for you, it’ll help!” You hear Mika blare from the other side, concern lacing her voice.

You try to blink the tears away but they cascade down your cheek anyway, rubbing at them furiously before preparing to haul yourself off the disgusting bathroom floor. Taking a deep breath was a horrible idea, you realize when an atrocious mixture of scents hit your nostrils, cringing visibly.

Washing your hands at the sink took you another five minutes, scrubbing furiously at your palms and nails with the dollar store soap the club graciously placed in a fancy dispenser, pumping more than a normal amount to rid yourself of the paranoia of tainted hands.

Unfortunately for you, your palms were tainted with entities beyond mere soap and water’s powers.

It was evident with the way you exited the bathroom feeling perhaps worse than you went in. Mika was nowhere to be seen in the hall, moving along to the private room where the rest of the group was to find her springing up as you enter.

“You weren’t answering, so I left. Here, water, I told you to be careful with what you drink; you haven’t had a bite to eat either.” She reprimands.

“Sorry,” you smile sheepishly, not having a reasonable excuse to give her.

Joshua peeks over her shoulder, “You feeling any better?”

The water is slow to go down as you sputter before replying in a hoarse voice, “Yeah. Way.”

To be fair, the water did help. But it was you who was the problem, blaming the alcohol for the behaviour all your friends knew perfectly well where it was stemming from. Not a word was said though, for your sake or their own. You wrap up quickly after that, Joshua insisting to drop you off home himself, quoting how Seokmin would have his head if he left you in the hands of a taxi driver in this state — age gap be damned. You can only thank him as he pulls up to your destination, hoping you’ll remember this in the morning to return the favour in the future.

“Before you go, can we talk for a second?” he piques, halting you as you remove your seatbelt.

“Sure, yeah. What is it?”

“I’m not gonna ask if you’re doing alright, not when you’re gonna give me the same answer as always. But…please take care of yourself. You’ve been drinking quite a bit lately, and it can’t be helping you at all”

You listen to him silently, not a thought in your brain. But you nod anyway.

“Thanks for looking out, Shua. I’m…I’m probably not gonna be going out for a while, you’re right,” you reply, quietly, a small smile on your face that you can only hope is reassuring.

“I don’t mean lock yourself up, either. You don’t give yourself a break and then try to make up for it by drinking your self faint every week, that’s never gonna help you. You know that.” He speaks in a soft, soothing voice, a hand coming up to pat your hair before landing on your clasped hands on your lap. “You know what, I’ll pick you up tomorrow night, we can go the fair just me, you and Seok-”

“I have class tomorrow.”

“Like showing up hungover is gonna help you retain any information. Just skip.”

You sigh a deep exhale, deciding to simply be upfront. “I kinda just wanna stay home for a while, going out’s kinda making it worse. I think rotting in front of my laptop’s what I really need right now”

Throwing in a tinkle of a laugh, you hope you’ve sold yourself.

“Alright,” he sounds slightly unconvinced but doesn’t push you further, “I’ll drop in to bother you tomorrow though, don’t try stoping me”

“Okay,” you say, smiling a little wider. “I’m gonna go now, goodnight.”

“Wait!” he stops you once again, right before your about to shut the door. “Have you talked to Mingyu at all?”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Shua. Night”

With that you’ve slammed the door of his car shut, missing the ghost of a “goodnight” that leaves Joshua’s lips as he watches you walk inside the building.

“And stop staying out so late at night! What were you supposed to do if Joshua wasn’t there?” Seokmin rants as he walks back and forth grabbing you water and pills as you finish your forced breakfast.

“Take a taxi?” you suggest sarcastically.

“What? And get me called to the station to identify your body parts when some dude decides he wants to play cannibalistic butcher?” he screeches, and it has you wincing and grabbing onto your head at his volume. You dramatize it a little, hoping he’d shut it with his nagging if you gained some extra sympathy. He doesn’t stop talking, but he does tone it down.

“Whatever, I’m not going out anymore.” You push your plate and bowl away as you hop off the stool and stalk off to your room, making as much noise as possible in the process.

Your brother calls after you, but you don’t stop. Your head was pounding,

“Are you gonna take your meds? HELLO? Or do you enjoy the feeling of having your head split open?” he slams open the door of your room mid-sentence, going on at your blanket-clad figure on the bed.

“I’m going back to sleep.”

“No, you’re taking your fucking meds.” A cup of water is thrust into your hands as you pick up the pills from Seokmin’s open palms, swallowing before he decides to shove it down your throat himself.

He waits on the edge of the bed, checking to make sure you actually swallowed the pill instead of hiding it under your tongue like you’ve done since you were kids.

“I’m not stopping you from going out if that’s what you think I mean,” he starts, a lot softer this time, and you’re taken back to your conversation with Joshua last night. “You’ve been going out and coming home wasted a lot more than normal lately. I don’t know if it’s because your college agendas are finally catching up to you or what.”

“I’m just…My friends are always out and I wanna be with them, it’s normal,” you grumble, disappearing deeper into your sheets.

“You’d tell me if something was bothering you, right?”

‘Yeah, yeah, now shoo. Your voice is making my head hurt worse, I doubt Advils are immune to your yapping.”

“Fine, fuck you too” he mumbles, leaving the room only to pop back in a second later. “Mom called last night, told her you were at a study group. Might wanna call her back before she catches a flight herself.”

You wave two fingers up in a salute from your flat position on the bed, hearing him close the door. You don’t sit up until you hear the TV blare from the living room, knowing he had parked himself on the couch and has his attention diverted.

The headache wasn’t actually that bad, you just really wanted to be left alone, and your brother had a habit to do the opposite when asked, so it had to be done.

What on Earth were you supposed to tell him, anyway? That his best friend in the whole world rejected his sister on the spot when she confessed her decades long feelings? That she was ruining her liver and kidneys every weekend over a rejection? By his best friend in the whole world?

Yeah, that’s an easy conversation.

Snuggling into the covers you try not to think back to the abomination that was your birthday party just a few weeks ago, but your thoughts yank you there anyway, as if to remind you of every wretched detail of the encounter like it was wasn’t already burned into your frontal lobe like a brand.

You were on a high; too happy, too excited. It’s not like you were expecting anything for your first birthday at uni anyway, you were too old for pink blowout parties and too young for the madness of college level clubbing. You were excited for takeout with your brother, to sit in front of the TV for the rest of the night, maybe even stick a candle in one of your burgers and call it your cake. Plans were changed when you walked into your home, ready to wind down for the night and celebrate in your own way.

It was a full house, food and drinks everywhere, complete with a loud “SURPRISE” as you walk through the door. You remember hugging both your brother and Mingyu when they tell you they did all of this for you, an overwhelming feeling overcoming you as you grip them tight, hoping it’ll transfer all the gratitude you couldn’t express.

You’re breathless as the night progresses, trying hard to focus on the conversations at hand, trying to be a good host. Failing miserably, you can’t force your gaze from wandering every few minutes, searching for Mingyu in the crowd, watching him move his mouth as he talked, throw his hair back as he laughed, smile that beautiful, beautiful smile of his, perfect teeth on display.

It had been bliss these past few weeks, the lingering smiles he would give you, the flirtatious attempts never gone unnoticed. The smoothest of words slipping right off his tongue as he gave you eyes that twinkled and sparkled and blew air directly into the embers in your heart. You would still yourself as they would happen, like the mirage would crack and shatter if you even dared to breathe; it felt unreal. After all these years, you realised soon, Kim Mingyu may have began to like you.

You’d be lying if you said you were completely sober when it happened, drinks were passed around and as the birthday girl you didn’t seem to have a choice to back down, already a little hot and wide eyed barely halfway through the night.

And when Mingyu doesn’t interact with you all night, you go to him as the numbers in the house dwindled, cornering him as he collected bottles in the kitchen.

“Hey!”, he sounds enthusiastic, “You having fun yet?”

“Yeah, thanks again for doing this.” your remember fidgeting with your fingers and nails, digging them into each other as you let yourself spew.

“Are you gonna say thank you at every chance for the next six months? It's your first birthday away from home. Besides it was Seok’s idea, I just helped out.” He had said, beaming.

“Mingyu, can I talk to you about something…?”

You sigh loudly as you replay the memory, face pushed into the covers as you bite back a scream at the blood rushing to your head.

Stupid. Idiot. Absolutely brainless.

“Oh.” He had breathed out when you had spilled your entire heart out to him standing in that kitchen, visibly taken aback at your abruptness. “I…I’m sorry I’m not quite sure what to say.”

You still remember that sickening feeling, that big ball of junk and emotions that sank lower and lower in your abdomen, settling a deep hurt in your chest that made it difficult to breathe.

Laying in your bedroom, weeks after the fact, you can still feel your breathing go slightly erratic at the memory, hot tears springing your eyes, burning before you wipe them away. You were aware how baffling it was, how you were letting it affect you to this degree, but you justified it with the years you had remained quiet, yearning on the sidelines.

You deserved to wallow in this pit.

At least that’s what you thought. But after last night you wonder if you had stopped indulging in the sorrow and let it ruin you instead. A sigh escapes you at the thought of ending yet another night in a dirty bathroom, makeup smeared and guts removed, misery becoming the only thing you were allowed to feel in the aftermath.

You reach for your phone on the bedside table, flicking through your unread messages, barely registering a word as you leave them opened and unanswered. There wasn’t an ounce of willpower in you even after a full night’s sleep, turning your phone off before shoving it in your bedside drawer, forgotten. You take a moment to stare at the ceiling, having no energy to get up to turn your lights off. Until the doorbell sounds.

Of course you knew who it was the second you heard, but the voice paired with your brother’s conversing outside was enough to have you catapulting out of bed. You slap your hand over the switchboard, turning off all your lights, moving across the room to pull your curtains shut, cascading complete darkness in the room. You fly under the covers as a last effort to convince, covering your face with the sheets just as you hear a knock.

The door creaks open slightly as Seokmin calls out your name.

“Are you up? Mingyu’s here, he brought coffee.” He whispers slowly. You don’t respond.

He calls out your name one more time before you hear the door click shut. You don’t move till you hear his muffled voice on the other end, “She’s knocked out, her head was hurting, better let her rest.”

Heat pricks the sides of your face as your body finally relaxes, borderline embarrassed at how you were hiding from him like a middle schooler who thinks she’s in love. Which you were at one point; now you're a college kid who thinks she’s in love.

You try not to focus too much on the sounds coming from outside, burying under the covers to attempt at sleep for real this time. Eyes screwed shut, you can’t help but open them at every other intonation. There was no way you could figure out what they were saying if you tried, between the door and the TV, it was all a taunting buzz in your ears.

You do end up falling asleep. But only after you hear the droning of the TV turn off, and the distinct goodbyes as the front door clicks shut.

Keeping to your promise, you stay away from late nights for the next couple of weeks. Joshua so far as commends you for declining invitations, offering dinner on him on one particular phone call.

“You know, I was serious when I said I was proud of you.” Joshua voices solemnly as you attempt to cut a strip of meat onto the grill. You snort as a response.

“I wasn’t like, an alcoholic, you’re making it sound worse than it was.”

“It was still bad for it to affect you in that way. Takes a lot to get back up from heartbreak”

“Especially one that’s lasted for nearly a decade.” You sigh as you give up on the meat, handing the scissors and tongs over.

“Are we still talking about that?” He raises his eyebrows.

A smile makes its way to your face, nibbling on a radish, “No.”

“Good. Because we need to talk about if we want our noodles hot or cold.”

“Seok! SEOK! Where the fuck did you put my pimple patches?” Your screams echo across the house yet garner no response. Opting to yank open the fridge, you dig through through the box of face masks to find them possibly laying at the bottom, forgotten. Seokmin bounds into the kitchen, towel in hand as he pats at his damp hair.

“What?”

“Nothing,” you huff, shoving the unfruitful box back into the cabinet, "you used up all the patches.”

“Patches? Pimple patches? We’ve been out for a month, just use this tube in the drawer.” Pulling open the drawer, he rummages for a moment before emerging with a sickly yellow tube of what looked like poorly marketed toothpaste.

“You want me to put this on my face?”

“Yeah, it works, zit on my nose was gone by morning.” He stuffs the tube back in the drawer not before squeezing a small amount on his fingers to dab on your face.

“Ew, get your dirty hands away from my face.” You grip his wrists before he tries to move in further.

He does nothing but shush you, shaking off your hands as you grumble in silence, letting him finger paint on your face. You move up to fix a roller on your head, undoing it before rolling the bit back in, resulting in another “tsk” emitting form your brothers concentrated face.

“Okay, enough! I don’t have that many zits.” You pull away as Seokmin moves to wash his hands.

“Are you going to bed right now?” He asks as you move over to the door.

“Yeah. I’m not going to sleep, though.”

“Gyu’s coming over, you were asleep when he was here last too.”

It seemed as though every bone in your body rattled against your flesh.

“When is he coming?” You ask quickly, frozen in your spot.

The doorbell rings.

“Right now, I guess.” He snickers to himself.

You can only watch in mild horror as he moves to open the door, words escaping you. You follow behind him, trying to stop him, yet not doing much other than reach the front door yourself, fingers frozen yet mildly trembling.

“Wait!” You finally whisper-shout, “Don’t open it!”

Seokmin pauses to give you a look, “Why? He’s seen you look worse, it’s fine”

The door wrenches open before you can protest any further, a cartoonish moment of the hunched figure of you, hands out in a nearly there grip. You’ve failed, and the chorus of ‘hey’’s reach your ears in almost a mocking manner. There’s a conscious effort on your end to not look up too high, keeping to chest eye level for your own sanity. What you find once your vision clears from the white blur, is that there’s not one, but two people at the door.

Mingyu’s brought a girl.

Standing behind the door meant there was no immediate attention on you, which should have been a perfectly good opportunity for you to book it to your room, but you don’t. You stand there instead, staring at the back of their heads like a child in wonder.

Once you are noticed by your brother, he winces at your appearance, a silent apology, like he didn’t know about this new guest either. Or he was apologising for what he was about to do next, you wouldn’t know, because you wouldn’t be hearing him out when you throttle him later.

“This is my sister”

All three sets of eyes are on you now, a moment of silence as they take in your appearance. The grandma nightgown, in all its blue and collared glory, does absolutely nothing to boost your confidence in front of the very pretty lady, whose hair cascades down her back, whose skin stands as clear as a summer sky.

“Hi!” She breaks the awkward silence first, “I’m Jia, it’s nice to meet you! I’ve heard a lot about the both of you.”

What?

“Mingyu has a hard time keeping his mouth shut, I’m not surprised.” Seokmin tries to joke as he motions for the couch in the centre of the room. You catch him kicking a stray sock out of the way as he urges them to sit.

With the way your brother is acting, you don’t doubt this is his first time meeting this girl. Mingyu is yet to clarify why he would bring a friend to the house unannounced, but something tells you you already know. You remain on the sidelines, inching away to the hallway slowly, trying your hardest to not bring attention to yourself.

“I haven’t seen you around campus ever, are you new?” Seokmin prods, his voice slightly on edge.

“Oh, um-” Jia begins but is cut off by Mingyu as he speaks for her.

“Jia doesn’t go to our uni, we met at Seungcheol’s, we’ve been dating for a couple months.”

There it is.

“Oh! Couple months? How come I didn’t know?” You don’t miss the hurt laced in your brother's words, your fists clenching slightly at the oncoming silence.

“That’s on me, sorry. It’s just…I didn’t want anyone to know ‘cause I thought he was playing around when he said he liked me, I wanted to see if he was being real or not.” She laughs nervously, and you see the back of her head move as she talked. You can’t help but note the arm that’s swung across the back of the couch where she sat. “Please don’t be mad at him! I promise it was me that stopped him.”

You don’t hear too much of what happens afterwards as you slip away into the crevice of your bedroom, standing in the entryway in absolute silence, attempting to absorb what you had just witnessed outside. Approaching the full length mirror on the other end, it takes a lot out of your to bring yourself to look straight into it, regretting it immediately as you acknowledge your appearance.

Of course, the woman who actually succeeded in winning over the man that rejected you had to witness you in the unappealing yellow paste that your brother graciously dotted all over your face, not leaving the giant rollers in your hair to cut you any slack either. You could cry about it, but you don’t. Instead you lay back in your bed, sniffling in the dark, just as you had the last time Mingyu was over.

It’s significantly easier to drown out the voices this time round, especially when your mind is preoccupied with a couple months. Your birthday was a couple months ago, does that mean they started dating right after that conversation? Or were they already offical and you had waltzed in with your princess dreams about your brother’s best friend being in love with you.

It made perfect sense at the time, and no sense at all anymore as you wonder why on Earth he was being so forwardly flirty with you if there was another girl all along. There’s a bitter taste in your mouth as you recall how he had quit perceiving you altogether after that night, and you can’t help but mentally commend Jia for testing him by keeping it quiet. Especially when he was going around flirting with his best friend’s sister.

It didn’t take long for you to guage Mingyu’s reputation when you first dropped into university, the senior having made himself a reputation none less similar than he had in high school. He was popular, but with his outgoing personality and a face like that it was hard not to be liked. Your brother was right there beside him, living it up as carefree college kids, suddenly remembering he now had a little sister to tend to. You were grateful for the both of them for being there to help you take your first baby steps, all the rites of passage and which professors sucked the least, not leaving the leaky water fountain to never drink from.

That was when Mingyu’s (supposed) advances had begun.

You’re projected back to first semester, when both of them had dragged you to the same couch outside, talking about an “important thing you should know”.

“You walk into class one day, expecting nothing out of the ordinary. Your professor drones on as usual, your classmates look bored as usual, you’re tired as usual. But then!” Seokmin breathes in sharply, and you hear Mingyu bound to the other side of your vision, emerging on the opposite end of the room with a backpack swung over his shoulder.

“The man of your dreams walks by…” Seokmin continues and you snap your head towards him in a panic, suddenly afraid he had found you out. He’s busy though, making ethereal hands in Mingyu’s general direction, while the latter walks in comedic slow motion like he’s in a K-drama b-roll, complete with passes over his hair and a nonchalant yet controlled expression.

“What is this about?” It comes out snappier than you had intended, but you’ve had one scare already.

“Just!” your brothers hands turn from graceful to clenched, like it was you he was trying to squish you for interrupting him, “Listen, alright?”

“The man of your dreams walks by,” he goes back to his narrator voice, “and you wonder where he’s been all your life. You start talking, you’re enamoured. You start thinking about introducing him to your parents, what your wedding’s gonna look like, what your kids are gonna look like!”

Your face is becoming increasingly warped the more you listen to him speak, not being able to fathom where this was going.

“But no!” It’s Mingyu that speaks this time, pushing a jolt out of you as he slams the backpack on the floor, pointing directly at you for added effect, “You’re better than that!”

“What the fuck-” you start, but are shushed by a physical finger on your lips as Mingyu shushes you. Seokmin slaps his hand away.

“Our point is, that you’re probably gonna come across someone who you think is your next boyfriend.” Your brother continues, “But lucky for you, you have two seasoned professionals here to tell you that it’s nothing but fresher’s fever.”

“It’s a new place, new people, loads of new experiences; you’re bound to latch on one of the first couple pieces of meat. Our advice is don’t, because it will happen to you. But you also now know that your just in a deluded stage right now. Give it a semester before you start dating people, trust.” Mingyu finishes for Seokmin as he thumps down on the couch next to you.

“So all of this was just another stay away from boys lecture?” You raise your eyebrows.

“Yes and no. You can date whoever you want,” Seokmin answers coolly before quickly adding, “but not right now.”

It was laughable, the thought of latching onto another person when you’d been trying exactly that for years. To have anyone catch your eye, to have anyone sweep you away from this madness that came in the form of Kim Mingyu. Neither of these seasoned professionals had a thing to worry about though, because you weren’t latching on anything that came out of this institute. You had already done so, in a stage more impressionable than this, years and years before any of them knew of the dangers of young girls and new boys in their vicinity.

“Okay, I know you’re like on a self inflicted party ban and all that…” Joshua starts the second he places himself at your table, still haggard looking from jogging across campus.

“Don’t even try.” You warn with filled cheeks.

“Girl, let him finish.” Nayeon chides next to you.

You exhale through your nose heavily, going back to pick at your tray as Joshua continues.

“Cheol’s throwing a little party tonight to celebrate the end of midterms.” He starts, “You should come, it's only gonna be a handful of people.”

“A handful?” You repeat, unable to bite back the amusement in your voice.

“Come on, your brother’s going as well! You’ll be fine, I promise we’ll keep you in check.”

“I don’t need to be kept in check, I’m fine.” You grumble.

“Perfect! Nothing stopping you then, I’ll pick you both up at 8.” The words are barely out of his mouth before he’s back to sprinting out the vicinity, garnering looks from oncoming traffic, off to his next pestering destination

“I don’t think I’d explicitly agreed.” You voice.

“He got what he wanted.” Nayeon snorts, “Whatever, we’ll get ready at my place after this.”

“Weren’t you guys worried about me? Now you’re actively dragging me to parties.” You drop your utensils onto the tray.

“Too much of either isn’t a good thing, you went from forgetting what home looks like to exclusively holing yourself up in there.” She stabs a piece of potato with a chopstick and tries to pry it in your mouth. “Besides, Cheol’s parties are always super intimate, they’re all gonna be people you know, don’t worry.”

‘Super intimate’, as Nayeon had put it, had amounted to at least fifty people as you take in the crowd at the floor of the house. Despite not being packed to the brim, it was still coming out to look like a full house, random items already scattered across the floors in true frat party fashion.

“Do you want a beer?” Nayeon asks, dragging you to the kitchens by the hand as you crane your neck to spot people.

“Uh, no. Is there juice?”

“Um, there’s a questionable looking fruit punch.” she wrinkles her nose at the blaring red bowl on the counter.

You sigh, grabbing a cup, “I’ll risk it.”

Joshua was air the second he had walked in with you, whisked away to socialize with his own hoard of acquaintances, leaving both you and Nayeon to fend for yourselves. You’re yet to spot your brother, granted you’d only been here a mere five minutes, his rowdy demeanor making him quite easy to spot in usual circumstances.

Taking a casual sip of the electric red liquid you’re forced to make a face as you register the flavour, alerting Nayeon, who was too busy fiddling through multiple crystal bottles.

“What? Is it bad?”

“What the fuck is that?” You sputter in astonishment, wondering how the bowl was already half empty. “Who’s drinking this stuff?”

She grabs the cup from you before taking a gulp herself, emerging the same gagging mess you were, eyes watering at the taste. It seemed almost comical when Seokmin shows up behind her, waiting to greet only to find both of you doubled over. His eyes move over to the potion in Nayeon’s hand and passes a knowing look.

“He’s brought The Whole Shabang out of retirement.” He states like it was the obvious answer.

Nayeon spits first, “Are we supposed to know what that means?”

“Cheol got drunk one time in freshman year and mixed every ounce of alcohol he owned into one big bowl of despair. We retired it last year when the bowl broke and stained his counters. But anyway, beginners are supposed to dilute it before downing it.”

“That’s great and everything but why is it so red?” You ask.

Another voice speaks from behind you, turning around to find Seungcheol himself. “There’s an entire thing of food colouring in there, gives it an edge don’t you think?”

“I’m scared of you.” You deadpan, a sour expression remaining on your face.

Seunghceol is quick to suggest the backyard for some fresh air to distract from the flavour it’s left in your mouths, commenting on the nice weather. Neither him nor your brother stick around for too long though, dipping at the holler of their names somewhere inside. You’re comfortable though, despite being blocked off by a concrete railing, the stairs make a nice haven for the both of you to lie down and stare into the clearer than usual sky. Cheol was right, it was nice outside.

“I can’t lay down like this, I need to get a drink.” Nayeon announces not even five minutes later.

“Why didn’t you get one when we were there?” You groan, but she doesn’t respond as she hops back inside, throwing a promise to be quick in the air behind her.

The wall supports you as you deflate into it, legs sprawled across the steps in disarray. Nobody could see you anyway, taking full advantage as you practically manspread. The side of the pool that’s in your vision is empty by grace; calm save for the giant flamingo floaty that bobs itself into view from the edge of the wall you lean against. A breathy laugh leaves you at the sight.

The railing on your other side is mostly concealed, you can still make out the wicker sofa set, complete with an unlit fireplace. It’s unoccupied, for the time being, as you register a conversation floating closer and closer to your ears. Wondering if Nayeon had brought friends, you stand up quickly to look over the railing to check for her face over the sliding door that leads inside.

There’s no Nayeon in sight.

But there is Mingyu.

His mere presence knocks your butt back onto the concrete the second you see him stumbling over the threshold with a hoard of his friends, nothing short of his picturesque party strut. There was little reason for you to hide from him at all, considering the very possible notion that he would look right past you if you happened across his line of sight. Space floating in, he’d ignore you for your sake or his own, perhaps even both.

For now, he’s seated himself with a few other people on the wicker sofas, leaving you hugging your knees to your chest, head on the concrete wall with the lingering feeling akin to that of a trapped mouse. Closing your eyes, you blow out air in an attempt to relax yourself, take light of the situation you’ve found yourself in. You could get up and leave in this very moment, possibly go unnoticed if you stalked back inside before they began their rattle not meant for your ears.

And yet, you find yourself unable to move, not even when you hear their topic shift to Mingyu’s new beau. Suddenly you wish you’d moved inside the moment you saw him.

“Was it you that stopped Jia from coming to parties?” You hear somebody ask.

“Why the fuck would I do that?” Mingyu grumbles, he pauses and you assume he’s taking a swing of his drink. “We started going out and suddenly she didn’t wanna come, that’s fine though, it isn’t her vibe anyway.”

There’s a snigger that moves across everybody seated, you hear loud thwack before Mingyu speaks again, “What’s so fucking funny?”

“This girl’s made you work for it, huh?”

“Isn’t that like, his brand? Don’t look at me like that, you’re the one yapping about liking a challenge all the time.”

“Yeah, remember Minji?”

“I still think she was only pretending to not like you, her clique was always smacking at her to straighten up when you’d come over like we couldn’t see everything.” You could almost hear the eye rolling.

“Change the subject, will you?” Mingyu proposes, sounding exhausted at the prodding already.

“I apologise for the ex talk and nothing else.”

There’s a pause for another choke of laughter across the group, and you wonder what it was that they found so funny.

“I don’t know if I should say this…” Somebody begins, but is cut off by Mingyu.

“Then don’t say it.” He snaps, but you don’t miss his own jest.

“I honestly thought you were gonna date Seok’s sister at some point. I mean, common consensus is that bagging your best friend’s sister is… what you’d call a challenge.”

What the fuck.

You feel your eyes drifting closed at the turn this conversation has taken, wishing to simply fall asleep at what it’s come to. Somebody speaks up.

“Nah, that’s like, the grand slam prize, that one comes after he’s done hanging with the side quests.”

The situation is making itself out to be something out of a fever dream.

Mingyu tsks, and you note a jostle happening through the gaps of the railing. “I’m leaving.”

You find yourself hugging yourself tighter, eyes shut like he wouldn’t be able to see if you couldn’t see him. Not that it was possible unless he peered directly through the railing in his peripheral.

“OKAY! Okay! We’re kidding.” There’s a pause. “Okay, but really…”

Another pause, this time longer. You hate how you can picture the ghost of an exasperated smile on Mingyu’s face, a bite of his lip perhaps, dejected at the shoulder with his longing, distant look. You hate how your mind fills the gaps of him the railing won’t allow you to see.

“Seok’s not the type to beat me up if I dated his sister. And besides…” He sighs, halting his words.

“Besides what?” Somebody chimes in.

“I’m not interested in going after someone who’s chased my tail for the past fifteen years.”

There’s a chorus of hisses and oh’s, a few bounts of laughter in their disbelief. You can feel your stomach twist, heat pooling your figure.

It would’ve been better if his words had hit you like a gong, maybe the aftermath wouldn’t have felt as horrid. But the connotations crept up on you like a million spiders making their trek up to your brain, waiting to stick their crawlers in the bits that would allow those words to hold meaning for you. You can feel the electric red of Seungcheol’s god awful concoction begin to rise up in your throat like bile; burning, imprinting.

Mingyu had said what he had said. And everything was in it’s place, in finality.

Despite the nearly four year age gap, you and Seokmin had co-existed without the semblance of an older-younger duo. It was mostly owed to Seokmin's shy nature, and his difficulty making solid friends. That, however, didn’t last long as your brother progressed through middle school.

You had met Mingyu for the first time when Seokmin brought his first ever friend from school home for dinner.

Despite being barely nine years old and half spoon fed by your mother at the same table, the prospect of Seokmin’s new friend was equal to you having a new friend – which caused enough excitement as you brought your favourite cartoon books into your brother’s room to show this new person after dinner.

As the following year progressed, you saw less and less of your brother, and more and more of newer faces of ‘friends’ that you weren’t allowed to play with. It was distressing enough to be told by your mother that something of your brother’s was not yours, but even more so when you were kicked out of the room by Seokmin himself for the very first time.

It wasn’t as trauamtising as it felt in the moment, because you grew to find your own group of friends, doing the same as you’d kick your brother out for being annoying – except unlike you, he was doing it on purpose.

Mingyu was a recurring face, one that was nicer to you on the days your brother was meaner, more forgiving on the days your relatively new middle school was relentless. He fit himself in your life easier than you had realised, more comfortable than you soon found you were comfortable with.

“Did you take my guitar picks?” Your brother bursts into your room just as your about to fall into your after school nap, grip loosening on the book in hand.

Jolting awake at the sound of loud voice, you don’t respond as you attempt to orient yourself.

“Well? Did you?” He demands again.

“What? No, I don’t know where your stupid guitar pick is.” You grumble. “Get out.”

“It’s not in my room that has to mean you took it, where is it?”

Mingyu emerges from behind him, hand on his arm as he tries to pull his iron grip off of your doorway. “It’s probably just in your bag, you haven’t even looked!”

Kicking the covers off, you sit up in a disarray, progressively annoyed at your brother for ruining your perfect descent into dreamland.

“I don’t have shit, you just suck at keeping tabs on your stuff!” You grit.

There’s a stagnant pause as he stares at you from the doorway. You can sense it coming. And it does.

“MOM! SHE JUST SWORE!” He yells into the hallway, bounding to where your mother was, leaving an unsure Mingyu in your doorway.

Surprisingly, you were just glad he was gone, wanting to melt back into the covers. You make eye contact with Mingyu. “I really don’t have it.”

“It’s probably in there somewhere, he’s just not looking.” He mumbles, standing a little awkward. “Um, go back to whatever it was, I’ll close your door.”

He does so, allowing you to finally slump back into your pillows to go back to your nap.

You find out quickly that you couldn't sleep after that.

The controller is becoming increasingly uncomfortable to hold. It doesn’t help that you’re brother is chewing on his four additional pieces of gum behind you on the couch, making obnoxious comments about your gaming form.

You’re also sitting a foot away from Kim Mingyu on the floor, with whom you’re forced to battle out on Mario Kart.

“Why’re you clicking the buttons so hard, chill out.” You heat Seokmin say, continued by his wet chomping right by your ear.

“How hard is it to chew with your mouth closed?” Mingyu grits.

“What? Like this?” Seokmin leans over to Mingyu, chewing even louder, mouth wrenched open and closed right into his ear. Mingyu makes a sound before falling to his side, covering his ears at the ghastly sound, pushing him back with his free hand to shut him up.

You barely crack a smile at the unfolding, watching them continue to wrestle half on the floor. It’s noisy when you set your controller down, chest heavy, unfolding your legs to walk into the hallway to your room. Unnoticed.

You only reemerge to feed yourself, inspecting the fridge for possible leftovers. Settling on an apple, you’re closing the fridge when you see Mingyu walk in, seemingly taken aback to see you there. You freeze with your mouth still attached to the apple to take a bite.

“Oh! Where’d you go when we were playing? Didn't notice you gone till I got him to spit that wad of gum out his mouth.”

“Uh, just tired. Took a nap.”

He hums in response and you're just about to leave when he starts talking again.

“Hey, did you move the popcorn somewhere else? Could’ve sworn it was in here last week,” he mumbles as he rummages through a cabinet.

“Oh. Um. It’s in the pantry.” You move before you can think, grabbing the box and slamming it on the counter, pausing briefly before reaching for the popcorn bowl and setting it on the counter next to it. “Here.”

You don’t wait for a reply before grabbing your apple and moving out the kitchen, only to bump into your brother at the door.

“Where’ve you been?”

“Napping,” you say, moving around him to go your own way but are stopped yet again as he calls for you.

“We’re gonna watch a movie! You can lie on the couch.”

Turning around, you catch sight of your brother still in the doorway, and more intriguing, Mingyu also expecting an answer from inside the kitchen behind him. You gulp as you attempt to remain casual.

“Nah, I’m good. You guys have fun.”

You’re nearly at your door when you hear your brother speak. “She didn’t even ask what we were watching.”

Nayeon catches up with you before you notice, pulling your headphones away from your ears to announce her presence, not slowing down as you walked to campus.

“Are you still upset about that Mingyu thing?” She asks when noting your silent demeanor. “We talked about this, come on.”

“Yeah and we concluded that it’s not an easy thing for me to just get over.” You huffed.

“You know what he’s like…”

“Which is why I should’ve seen this all coming.” You turn around the corner with her.

“That’s not what I meant either.”

“I don’t know what came over me that day. I was doing so well for so long and I had to go ruin it because I’m – I deluded myself into thinking I had a chance.” You’re breathing heavily when you find a table in the air conditioned common room, yanking your bag off and slumping into the sofa. “None of this would’ve happened if I just shut the fuck up.”

“What wouldn’t have happened?” Seungcheol plops down next to Nayeon, butting into the conversation.

“Aren’t you intrigued.” Nayeon muses.

“Especially when it’s none of my business.”

“Charming.”

“Anywho,” he sighs, throwing himself back against the couch. “I’ve been tasked with rounding people up for an assignment.”

“Are you gonna experiment on us?” you ask, referring to his chemistry major.

“Nah, this is for an elective. Faculty needs volunteers for a photography class.”

“So they need models?” You ask.

“I mean, anyone who signs up is automatically a model, so yeah they need models.”

“Are we getting paid?”

“You get to say you modeled for me.”

“How convincing.” Nayeon deadpans.

You’re stifling a snicker as you see Joshua walking up to where you were sat, planting himself next to you.

“What’re we talking about?” He asks, pulling his laptop out almost immediately.

“Nothing, just how Seungcheol needs a reality check,” you sigh.

He barely acknowledges the comment, going straight to business typing away. “Hey, you're staying for the summer right?”

“Ew,” Seungcheol voices.

“I am,” You confirm.

“For what?” He sputters.

“Is this you offering to pay for a round trip?”

He silences quickly after that, giving room for Joshua to ask his next question.

“Are your parents coming for your brother’s grad?”

“Mhm, only for the night, though.”

“Oh, did you hear back from the bookstore too?” he asks.

“I’m gonna apply right before break, I’m swamped right now.”

“Let me know when you do, the restaurant might need another hire, you could work there if you want.”

You make a face. “Appreciate the sentiment but I don’t think I’m in the right state of mind to be working in customer service.”

Joshua’s hands freeze over his keyboard as he breathes out a delayed laugh. Nayeon mimics him.

“Right state of mind?” Seungcheol’s eyebrows are furrowed. “Wait, what were you talking about before I sat down again-”��

He’s cut off by a voice bellowing your name from across the common room. All four of you perk up at the sound, locking in on Mika aggressively pointing her wrist at you from yards away. You sit up with a jerk, checking the time. You were nearly thirty minutes late for your lecture.

“Josh, move.” You basically climb over him to get out of your seat, waving a hasty goodbye as you sprint to an exasperated Mika.

“I’ve been waiting outside the hall for ages, you said we’d go in together!” she chides as you both speedwalk.

“Sorry, I lost track of time…” You huff out a breath. “I just started talking about…whatever.”

“Why’d you have that face on in there?” she asks.

“Huh? Oh, I was-”

“Nevermind, I don’t wanna know.” She picks up the pace and reaches the door before you do, rendering it impossible for you to speak to her after that.

You’ve forgotten about it by the time you come home to an empty house, both Mika and Nayeon in your arms. It doesn’t take long for them to make themselves comfortable on the couch, looking at you expectantly like children waiting to be fed. You do that, courtesy of the half eaten pizza that sits on the coffee table.

“I think you need to get drunk,” Nayeon voices from her end of the couch.

Mika is immediate with her response, “Don’t encourage her.”

“Hey!” You pout, “I haven’t gotten drunk in a while.”

“Keep it that way,” she shudders, “don’t need another Mingyu fiasco.”

Your chewing slows at the sound of his name, a strange feeling settling in your stomach at the thought of him. Setting down your half eaten slice, you brush off your fingers.

“I mean…” Nayeon starts after a long pause.

“We don’t. Need another Mingyu fiasco, I mean.” You cut in.

“If only he’d learn to shut up.” Nayeon grumbles, a sour expression on her face.

Mika’s been shifting looks between the both of you, seemingly confused. “Am I missing something?”

Despite not having the intention, you find yourself telling her what you heard while enclosed in the staircase. You attempt to keep it concise, for the sake of your own sanity, but Nayeon’s grumbling is only pushing you deeper into a rant. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t let a couple frustrated tears make their way down your face.

Mika’s response as brisk as your explanation was passionate, brushing over the topic quickly before you got too heated. You appreciated it.

“Have you considered signing up for the photography thing?” Mika asks.

“You know, I was thinking about that too.” Nayeon pulls a finger up in signed patience to wait till she finished the remaining pizza in her mouth. “You should do it. It’ll put your mind off…him. You’ll be busier too.”

“I have a million things to do, I’m busy enough.” You retort.

“You’re busy studying at home. Where he could drop in at any point of day.” She points.

Your open your mouth to rebut again, only to close it as you fail to find a reason to deny her point. “Okay, still!”

“Just – think about it, okay. It’ll put more on your plate but maybe it’ll help.”

That was the last of your Mingyu talk, not that you could carry on when your brother comes slumping into the house after his class, stealing a slice of pizza as he makes his way to his room. He’s slumped at the shoulders, and you egg him to take a nap before he collapsed on the living room floor.

Both Nayeon and Mika are quick to leave after that, leaving you with leftover pizza and your thoughts.

You sprawl your things out on the coffee table, taking advantage of the silent house to get some work done. Nayeon was right, as you think of the prospect of Mingyu entering at any given moment to bother your brother as a constant threat.

It’s not until your prepping dinner with Seokmin that the project is brought up again.

“There’s leftover Chow Mein Mingyu made yesterday, shove that in too.” He yawns as he pushes the box over.

You can only stare at the box in mild agitation, contemplating if you should simply chuck it into the garbage chute. Unfortunately, by experience, you knew Mingyu made really good Chow Mein, so you begrudgingly slide the opened box into the microwave to heat up, deciding you’d push Seok to eat it before you have a chance to take a bite.

It’s silent while you eat, Seokmin still in a daze from his earlier nap, shoving spoonfuls of noodles in between bites of pizza. It’s not until your halfway through eating before he jolts up slightly like he’d just remembered something.

“Did you hear about that volunteering thing from the photography department? They want models for some project.”

“Oh, yeah.” You pause, thinking back to what Nayeon had proposed. “Are you gonna sign up?”

“No, but you should.”

“I don’t know, I still have a lot of prep for finals.”

“You get extra credit if it helps,” he notes.

That was news to you. There’s a frown on your face as you deny, “No, you don’t.”

“They’re doing it ‘cause they weren’t getting the response they wanted. I found out just now too, they’re gonna put it up on the bulletin tomorrow. Might wanna decide before then.”

There were no questions asked after the realization, blue light of the laptop casting your face aglow in the darkened room as you hit the big blue Confirm button on the website. Skimming through the subsequent email, you find you won’t be needed till next week, the date and time making it’s way to your calendar.

Now, if you had known what the next week truly held for you, there was no doubt you’d be sending in a cancellation email at first chance.

But you didn’t know. So you simply went to bed, falling asleep to the vague idea of searching for modeling tips on youtube during the coming weekend, entertaining the mild possibility that this might be the thing that puts you at peace at last.

The photography classes are held in regular lecture rooms, as you find out as you file into the sparingly filled hall at the date your calendar has graciously alerted you for. There was an image of a larger, more spacious area for a discipline pertaining to the arts, yet to be fair, the idea of having to create this form of art within a four walled containment did seem a little counter productive.

Nonetheless, you find yourself seated in a spare chair, waiting for the clock to hit nine on a Saturday morning for the shuffling professor at the front of the room to begin. Your eyes make passovers across the gradually filling room, searching for a semblance of Seuncheol’s bright blond hair to wave him over. There’s no sign of him five minutes before the minute hit twelve, and you’re thinking about slipping to the restroom before it can to kill the remaining time.

There’s another person filing into the room as you rise from your chair, and you pause in attempt to recognize Cheol in the grey zip up.

Except you don’t find Seungcheol, not at all.

Mingyu is walking into the classroom, gaze sweeping across the hall as he seats himself in the front bottom row, head thrown back as he sifts through his perfect hair with his fingers.

You aren't sure why your brows furrowed like they did, or why you planted your butt back onto the chair with the force that you did; especially when all you wanted to do was book it out of the room in full velocity.

He was taking this class. Of course you knew that, especially when it was all he would yap about at any point he graced your presence.

You can feel your purpose in the room fade to nothing as you register him as a unit. You want to blame someone, but you know it’s all you fault. You knew he’d be here; if your mind had only thought fit to remind you at any point in the past week.

In regular Mingyu fashion, if he’d seen you, he does nothing to show it as you find him unraveling a loose thread off of his jacket. You keep your eyes on him, remaining mortified at your blatant disregard to the information that Mingyu was also in this class. Come to think of it, it was probably Mingyu who told Seokmin about the added credit in the first place. You want to kick yourself for not questioning your brother’s apparent magical source of information.

There’s nothing that can be done as you feel Seungcheol finally slip into the seat next to you just as the professor in the front of the room begins to speak. You’re not in the right headspace to make conversation, so you're grateful for the small acknowledgment as the professor begins to drone.

“Each student has been given a theme to work with, they’re all different and given to the people whom I saw fit for the job. You’ll be receiving your packets with your theme today, so remember to pick them up from the front desk before you leave,” she begins.

“As for your models,” she switches to the next slide over to reveal a spreadsheet full of names. “Their names will be right next to yours, the photography students.”

The entire room lurches forward as a unit, eyes squinted and whispers exchanged as they search for their partners in the sea of names. Seungcheol is zooming in on the picture he took with his phone, eyes zooming over to find his name.

“Hey, I found yours!” he announces, moving the phone over to you.

He’s zoomed into your full name on the screen, and your moving the picture aside to see the name across from it. Except, you find you wish you hadn’t.

—Kim, Mingyu.

If you needed more confirmation that the universe was simply against you, you’d gotten the message as you prayed the letters would morph into something else before your very eyes.

You seem to have been staring at the name for too long, because Seungcheol snatches his phone back from your grip to see for himself after you refused to answer his questions of what the name next to yours was.

“Oh, it’s Mingyu! That’s easy, you're basically related.”

You wanted to slap him.

Before you can stop him, he’s yelling the boy’s name across the room amidst the growing chatter, the biggest, stupidest grin on his face. “Mingyu! I found your model, she’s right here!

You wanted to squeeze Seungcheol’s neck till his head popped off.

Mingyu turns around at the call, registering his friend’s words despite the growing noise. He registers you and you watch as he turns his head back at the projection, like he was confirming it was true.

Of course he’s as petrified as you are, if not more. But the embarrassment of his apparent disbelief made its hot way into your stomach and chest nonetheless, your breakfast threatening to make its way back up.

By the time the professor’s done with her bit and the room has begun to file out, you’ve found yourself standing outside the lecture hall in uncomfortable movement, shifting your weight between both feet and fiddling with the straps of your bag. Every passing face sends a jolt though your stomach as you calculate how jarring it would be if you left right this second without seeing him.

You're counting his steps inside your head, how he’d shuffle for his name on the packet he’s meant to receive, counting in any conversation he’d start with a friend or with the professor. A thought occurs to you, and you wonder if he was searching for you inside. You’re weighing between walking inside and leaving altogether when he makes the decision for you, walking out of the room, booklet in hand.

There goes the toast blaring its way back up your esophagus.

“Hey,” he says unceremoniously.

You respond with an unreasonably meek “Hi.”

“Seok didn’t tell me you signed up for this.” He points casually.

Well, Seok doesn’t need to tell you everything.

“Oh, I told him while he was like half asleep, pretty sure he thought he dreamt it.”

Mingyu snorts a little at that, a slight smile appearing on his face as he pictures a sleepy Seokmin.

“I can imagine,” he says, before he’s brought back to the matter at hand by you.

You clear your throat before you begin to talk, expression remaining neutral. “Do we need to get started right away?”

“Oh.” He seems a little taken aback at your forwardness. Like he didn’t know why you didn’t want to make small talk with him. “Uh, I don’t even know what theme I have yet. I’ll read over the packet and plan a couple things out before you have to come in.”

“That’s great.” You hold on the straps of your tote. “Text me when you need me.”

With that, you had spun on your heel and stalked away, not leaving room for him to retort with anything at all. You don’t look back.

Nayeon can do nothing but gape as she watches you hold back frustrated tears, picking apart the grass under you as you curse the heavens for your horrible fate. She’s absorbing the situation as you wallow, finding the words to say.

“Fuck, this is my fault,” she breathes out.

“No!” You gasp out, furiously wiping away the irritating tears. “It’s not. I just forgot, it’s my own fault. You were right for trying to get me to do it, it just…”

“You can’t ask to change partners?” she asks.

“I can’t!” You wail, “I’m supposed to not care, how is this me not caring?”

It was ridiculous. Truly. You were sobbing like a child over this, screaming about wanting to not care. But you did care. Too much. Nayeon can do little but hold you as you sniffle into her lap, feeling sick to your stomach at your own childish behaviour.

“Why am I crying about this, this is stupid.”

“You’re stressed, hon, that’s it. You’ve got a lot going on and this just multiplied it.” She’s running a soothing hand over your back. “Just let it out, you need it.”

You emerge from your hunched position to sit up straight, sniffling a little less as you calm down. “Should I withdraw from the project?”

“I mean, if you really want to,” she says softly.

“But?” You sense her apprehension.

“But, maybe you should give it a go.”

You can only blink at her with wet lashes.

“Think of it this way. You need to… build resistance, keep yourself around him regardless. There’s bound to come a point where you start to feel…nothing.”

“Are you trying to work exposure therapy on me?”

“Maybe? If that’s what it means. If you take yourself out of the project, it shows that you care. You need to pretend to not care before you can stop feeling the real thing.”

There’s a pause as you attempt to find reason in her words.

“Listen, I may be talking out of my ass, and if you do end up doing it, it’s gonna be hard – like a lot, but–”

“No. You’re making sense.”

“I am?” She blinks, taken aback at the realisation that you may be listening to her. You nod quietly, “You’re right, I can’t keep running away.”

“So, you’re gonna do it?” She confirms with wide eyes.

Once again, you find it within yourself to nod.

Yeah. You were gonna do it.

Being in Mingyu’s presence and feeling nothing may be the goal, but you realise quickly it’s going to take you a while to restrain the trailing eyes that follow him wherever he goes. Nayeon had warned you, but you realise you may be slightly ill-prepared.

The theme is light. Vague to you but he doesn’t seem too bothered by it. He isn’t looking at you as he talks, eyes darting between the laptop screen and the plethora of papers he’s scattered on the coffee table. “I don’t really have a colour preference for this one but a a deeper blue or a purple would fit pretty well with the sunlight on here.”

You can only nod along in mild understanding, most of your effort exerted on trying to keep your eyes on the screen where he’s pulling up a color wheel. “I probably have something.”

“Do you still have that button up Seok bought you? The one with the stripes?”

You recall the deep blue shirt your brother had gotten you for your first in class presentation, picturing it hung still in your closet. “Uh, yeah I do. I’ll wear it.”

“Bring options, whatever fits the colours. No turtlenecks or crewnecks though…” Mingyu continues to talk, taking notes for you in the process. Your mind, however, is somewhere else.

You hate how your mind takes you to a murkier place, one where the thought of him retaining memory of your closet pieces unprovoked has your neck tingling and your cheeks lifting. Trying to snap out of it before he notices your dazed expression, you pretend to flip through the couple papers in front of you, noting nothing.

“Other than that–” he’s cut off by his phone ringing on the table. Both your gazes dart to the caller ID, and you immediately wish you hadn’t as you register the pink heart on the end. Jia was calling.

He barely spares you a glance as he excuses himself in a mumble, something about being back in a second. You watch him leave through the cafe altogether, emerging on the other end of the glass walls in your direct vision. For the nth time that day, you find it impossible to tear your eyes away from his positively elated face, teeth out on display as talks to his girlfriend. You wonder what they’re talking about, if her face is beaming like his own, wherever she is.

You zone out as you wonder what it’d be like to be the receiving end of an expression like that. To have something within you to be worth his smile, his mumbled pardons and his uninterrupted space. There’s a part of you that wonders if its greed – you’ve gotten to see him nearly everyday for the past decade, perhaps you’ve run your tickets dry.

You realise quickly that Mingyu is no longer in your line of sight as you feel a ruffle on the chair as he sits back on his seat.

“I think we can wrap up here, let me take the first couple shots before I can see where to go with it afterwards.”

You sense his eager want to leave, and you cannot help but beat him to it for your own sake.

“Alright. I’ll see you friday then.” SLiding out of your seat, you make a halfhearted attempt at shuffling his papers in a neater pile, throwing him a half smile before grabbing your bag.

He isn’t watching you leave, you know that. Yet you find yourself refusing to slow down or look back till you round the corner, letting your shoulders finally slump and your pace to come to a temporary halt. It takes you another beat before you begin walking again, breathing in slowly as you navigate your way through the moderately crowded sidewalk. Nearly ramming into a fire hydrant, you shake off the seize that remains in your body, picking up the pace hoping it’d promote less thoughts.

It works, as you unlock your front door, finally shaking off the autopilot. Shifting to the kitchen is easy, rummaging the cabinets for your hidden stash of moonpies with the intention to devour the family box whole. You’re contemplating texting Seokmin to bring you actual food as you make your way to your bedroom, wanting nothing more than to let your covers absorb all the feelings that make you human.

You find it unfortunate as you catch sight of yourself in the full length mirror and the outfit you’d put together before you had left. Your mind goes back to pandemonium as you take in the details, wondering why on earth you’d put in so much effort for a conversation that lasted less than an hour. You tear your eyes away before you begin to truly hate yourself, ripping your jewelry off as you make a beeline to wash your face clean of the makeup you’d put on.

It becomes increasingly difficult to look at yourself even in the bathroom mirror, moisturizer going on more aggressively than what’s good for you. You feel a sting in the back of your eyes and owe it to the face wash.

It’s easier once you’re in bed, your laptop at the ready, and a text on its way as you bug your brother to bring you your favorite burger and milkshake combo. You put your immediate faith in your moonpies for now as you rip the first one open, letting the sweetness bring you a deluded happiness.

“His name hurts.” Your voice comes out echoey, the sound reverberating in the cavern of your chest. The shot on the table is inviting, but you can’t help but feel nauseous at the thought of downing it. Your fizzled out sprite is being good to you, so you let it.

“Hearing you talk about him hurts,” Mika slurs, slumping down onto the beanbag she’s dragged onto the scene, joining you and Nayeon next to the couch.

Letting out a loud sigh that you doubt she can hear over the bass booming across the house, you settle to rest your head back on the couch backrest, staring into the ceiling. “Imagine what it’s doing to me then.”

“I don’t need to.” You can hear the exasperation in her voice.

“Oh, hey, Hao!” Nayeon drags next to you and you lift your head up to see Mika’s boyfriend join her on the already tiny beanbag. He huffs out a hey between a slight smile, slumping almost entirely on his girlfriend. She pats his hair in silent regard.

“I read this research paper about how they can delete the memories out of your brain squiggles,” Nayeon pops in.

“Since when do you read academic material for interest?” Minghao mumbles, fingers busy playing with Mika’s hair.

The pair continue to bicker as your eyes trail across the moderately packed house, the party looking more lowbeat than any other Seungcheol extravaganzas. Not that you were complaining, but when you spot a certain someone, it’s hard not to.

Mingyu files into the kitchen with your brother in tow, beaming face evident over the island as he pours himself what looks like orange juice. Your mood is instantly soured.

“What study was that again?” You poke at Nayeon, the image of the man you wished for gone burned into your forebrain. She glances over to the open kitchen and realises what you’re talking about, coming around with a face of her own.

“That one’s gonna be a hard one to scrub out. But it’s okay, even the toughest stains succumb to bleach that’s strong enough,” she sighs. You’re barely listening to her analogy, not when he’s standing right there rendering it impossible for you to look anywhere else.

“You sound like a commercial.” You can almost hear the crinkle in Mika’s nose as she comments, and you can’t help but breathe out a laugh.

The rest continue with their conversation as you remain quiet for most of the exchange, eyes filling your heart heavy with the way they remain glued to the figure far out into the kitchen. It was less about the fact that you just wanted to look at him and more of how it was forcing you to think about your predicament; something that was weighing you down yet something you couldn’t help.

You can’t be entirely sure how long you managed to stare without getting caught, but when Mika calls your name out harsher than expected, you snap around to divert your attention.

“Huh?”

“Sixth time’s the charm, huh? Get it together, he’s not gonna look at you,” she huffs as she slumps back onto the beanbag, alone this time as you note that Minghao is gone.

It takes you a moment to gather what she had said, mouth gaping open and close as you try to conspire a proper response. “I wasn’t trying–”

“No. Save it. It was my fault for thinking I could sit here without having to sit through more of your Mingyu bullshit.” She’s shuffling out of her bean bag with mediocre difficulty, exasperation on her face as she trudges away to sit with her boyfriend and his friends on the seats on the middle of the floor.

The air seems to have knocked out of your chest as you find the capacity to process what just happened. Seemingly forgotten Nayeon was also here, you note the hand she places on your elbow as a sober attempt to get you to look at her.

The rest of the night passes in a nauseous blur, none that you could really make sense of. You bid Nayeon goodbye as you assured her you’d go home with your brother, waving goodbye to blurred taxi lights as she leaves you alone in front of a dwindling house.

The breath you let out is shaky as your feet remain planted on the concrete, the remnants of tonight passing over you as they came. Deciding you owed it to yourself, you let the tears well up in your eyes. As tired as you were of crying over what was essentially the same thing over and over again, you let yourself tire yourself out once more.

The party was over, and you knew that because you were walking home alone, hoping Nayeon would forgive you for lying to her. But you couldn’t possibly explain the tear stains on your cheeks to your brother, not when he knew nothing. It was better that way; you refuse to be the person that potentially ruins a friendship that’s lasted longer than any other.

You try to keep your sniffling to a minimum as you trudge slowly in the dark, not bothering to wipe your tears. Your stomping grows louder the more you grow frustrated with your thoughts, and it proves not too well for you. There’s a pair of headlights throwing light onto the oncoming street, illuminating you in the process. You want to kick yourself as the realisation settles in, praying the car would simply pass you. Considering the late hour and the fact that you were alone is hitting you at the worst time, wondering if you could pretend to make a call as you walked.

It’s a black sedan that rolls up next to you, slower than what’s considered a normal speed on an empty street. It honks and you nearly halt, owing to the shake that passes through your knees. It honks again, and you can’t help but look to the side to find a window rolled down.

Mingyu sits on the driver’s seat, leaning over to the empty passenger side to grab your attention.

“The Uber’s free! So is the driver,” he yells out the window. “Hop in.”

“I’m alright. I kinda wanna walk.” You shift your weight between your feet, the distance adding an awkward feel.

“Wasn’t asking. It’s the middle of the night, I’m not letting you walk alone.” As he speaks, another car passes from behind him, slowing down. You note the look the other driver is giving you through the window, and it’s enough to convince you to step into Mingyu’s car.

“I think we’re way past the point of formalities, don’t know why you hesitated.” He chuckles as he motions for you to click on your seatbelt. You fumble with it for a moment, his own fingers coming to the rescue to latch it on. You retract your fingers before they can brush with his own any further.

Settling into your seat, you choose to look forward as he picks up speed. “Uhm, just wanted to walk, it was nice outside.”

“Take someone with you next time, it’s nearly midnight,” he warns.

There’s a twinge of annoyance that emerges in the back of your mind for some reason, despite knowing full well that he was right. You just didn’t want to hear it from him.

It’s silent for a bit as the radio plays an uncharacteristically upbeat tune, prompting you to wonder if it was just you who felt the atmosphere pressing in on your chest.

“Did you not bring your car today?” he asks out of the blue, eyes remaining on the road as you glance up at him. One look at his side profile and you’re turning your gaze away.

“No, it’s at the workshop. I came with Nayeon.”

“Why didn’t you leave with her?”

“I…” You pause. “I told her I was gonna go with Seok.”

“Hm. That didn’t happen.”

“It’s like I said,” you mumble.

He hums again in response, dropping the subject.

“Listen, are you…are you okay?” he starts again and it has you looking back up at him.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” You try to hide the bitterness in your tone but it proves difficult.

“I couldn’t help but overhear but I was sitting right there. Hao was talking to Mika about something she’d said to you, about…” He trails off. “I mean, you looked a little upset, I just wanted to ask if you were okay.”

You bit your tongue. Hard.

He knew you were staring at him, he knew you weren’t over him. He knew you were still standing on the same square confinement from months ago. Never changed.

“I’m fine,” you reply, snappier than you had intended.

“Are you sure? I felt like I should’ve said something but Nayeon was right there so I thought…” He sounds unsure and when you see him look at you, with eyes filled with an emotion that makes you nearly gag, you almost lose it. You did not want him to pity you. Nor care for you; especially when it came from a place that nullifies your feelings. You didn’t want him to care for you for the sole reason that you were his best friend’s sister.

“Mingyu, I think it’s best if you drop it.”

“Of course. But it might help if you wanna, you know, feel your feelings.”

Fuck no, you weren’t crying in front of him. Not when you're sure he’s noticed the tear stains on your makeup.

“Mingyu, I said drop it. I don’t need your help, I don’t need to feel anything, I need you stop feeling like you’re obligated to care about me because you’re not.” The words come tumbling out before you can stop them, irritation laced in every snap and dent.

He says your name in an attempt to smooth you over. It only lands him in more trouble.

“No, listen, I get it. You’re uncomfortable about everything but you feel like you need to check up on me at the same time, and I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to worry about that. What happened, happened, and it’s my job to pick up the pieces because it’s my fault. You don’t need to meddle.” You’re breathing hard as you finish, finally settling back in your seat.

He’s already pulling up to your building, heat still penetrating the silence. You unbuckle your seatbelt, mumbling a thanks for the ride.

“Seok’s staying at Cheol’s tonight,” he calls out as you shuffle out the door. “Remember to lock the door.”

You stand sheepishly holding the open door as you nod quietly. “I’ll see you tomorrow for the shoot.”

Middle school was harder than you thought.

Not that you expected it to be easy, but you remained hopeful nonetheless. Fifth grade came plowing for you with an unexpected vigor, which you were feeling especially as you gripped your red marked paper with a vice grip.

It was Mingyu who had found you on the kitchen island sniffling, waiting for your mother to come home and ask you for your dreaded test results.

You drop your head in shame (even more so) when he asks you the inevitable question of “what’s wrong?” Your voice comes out as a mumble. “I failed my first test.”

He blinks as he stops in front of the fridge, opening it to emerge with a carton of chocolate milk and two monsters. He slides the carton over to you as he takes a seat on the other chair.

“Well, what did you get?” he asks as he pops his can open, ears studded black from the piercings he’d gotten done.

You mumble out the number in incoherence that has him hunching down to hear you.

“What?”

“A fifteen!” you finally huff out in exasperation.

“Hm. Better than me I think I got a two at some point. Don’t worry about it, it's not the end of the world.” He says. “D’you want me to turn that into a seventy five?”

You look up confused. “How?”

“You’ll see. Get me your test. And a red marker.”

On that day, Mingyu aided you in your first con, pulling lines to turn the one into a seven right before your eyes.

“There. Now don’t let her look at it too hard or check your answers. And only give it to her if she asks for it.”

He had left back to your brother’s room with the spare can of monster, leaving you to stash your test into your bag and move to seat yourself in a more natural position. You’d gotten away with it as your mother pats you on the back for your first attempt at a fifth grade paper, leaving you with a lesson to work harder, and a memory that stayed with you for years.

The following day is met with a pit of guilt sitting in your stomach before you could even recall the events of last night.

There’s little that you can do to prep as you’re supposed to change at the studio anyway, pushing the remnants of your makeup products into a pouch as a second thought. Your hair seemed fine, deciding you’d see to it if it needed changing when you got there.

You push your departure as far as you could, finding more things to do and more chores to finish before you were due to leave. It takes you a final look at the time before you finally decide to trudge to the door with your things. You cross paths with Seokmin who’s only just coming home, looking worse for wear. He barely acknowledges you as he makes a beeline for his bedroom, disappearing.

He’s probably fine.

By the time you get to the studio Mingyu is already in the middle of setting up, immersed in the switches behind giant studio lights. It’s dark, save for the one studio light thats already on, casting a light on the white backdrop, a single stool sits at the front. Looking around, the place casts an eerie atmosphere, the unattended stations and dark back rooms casting a shiver down your spine despite the Afternoon light outside. Perhaps you were acclimated to the hustle and bustle in behind the scene videos of photoshoots, yet here it was just you and Mingyu.

He doesn’t notice you come in right away, and you’re thankful for the opportunity to recast your words in your head, waiting to be uttered as soon as you say your hellos.

“Oh, hey,” he says normally.

“Hope I’m not too late.”

“No, you’re fine, I’m nearly done setting up,” he says, as he switches the second studio light on, doubling the glow in the room.

“Oh, okay.” Your voice comes out as an uncharacteristic whisper. “Uh, listen, Mingyu, I just wanted to apologize about last night. You were only asking and I was being too harsh.”

He picks up his back from his bent position to look at you, hand coming to rub the back of his neck. “Oh, no, don’t say that, It’s me who should be apologising. I shouldn’t have pried when you said you didn’t wanna talk about it. I’m sorry, really.”

You're opening your mouth to rebut, nails clashing onto each other as your fidgeting gets worse, but you decide to end it. “We’re both sorry, let’s just end this here.”

Both of you have slightly uncomfortable smiles on your faces as Mingyu continues to fidget with his cables and equipment. It went smoother than you’d thought, silently thanking him for keeping it from getting awkward – more awkward than necessary anyway.

“These ones are gonna be basic studies, establishing the usual studio lights in the beginning before we move to the more experimental shots.” He drags his own stool forward to sit directly across from you in front of the plain white backdrop. “Did you bring another black top?”

“I did, do you want me to change?”

“Not yet.” He positions the camera higher, looking like he’s ready. “Okay, relax your body. Shoulders back, chin down. Okay, now a smile, really small, barely there.”

He snaps his first photo and you nearly knock yourself backwards on the stool, lights going off at the shot damn near blinding you.

“You good?”

“I thought the flash was just gonna be your camera.” You frown, coming round.

“Nah, you’ll get used to it. Okay, back in position.”

He takes a couple more pictures, urging you to make miniscule changes to your poses, whatever feels good. You find yourself loosening up, your posture aiding you instead of working against you. “Try putting your hands on the stool, yeah like that, lean forward. Chin up a little more.”

The directions continue from behind the camera as he continues to flash away, and you do your utmost to not let the lights disorient you too much. He lets you take a break when you make a comment about the pure thermal energy in the room, your face no doubt shiny and red from the lights. You’re done after you take a couple more pictures after an outfit change, rendering you free to leave within the hour.

“I think you’re done,” he announces, stretching as he leaves his own stool. “I’ll send you deets for tomorrow, we’ll probably get a lot more done.”

“Oh, cool.”

Gathering your stuff doesn’t take you as you go up to tell him you’re about to leave. You find him fiddling with cables, packing everything up before leaving himself. You make a split second decision, dropping your bag before announcing yourself.

“Let me help.”

“Huh? Oh no, it’s fine. I just need to shove them in storage.”

“That’s alright, I’ll help. What d’you want me to do?”

“Uh, Maybe unplug all the ports, and um, turn the lights on too, I guess. It’s gonna get dark if you don’t.”

Cleaning up was easier when those god awful studio lights weren’t overheating the entire hall, collecting cables and putting equipment back into their places. It was over before you knew it.

“Is your car back from the workshop?” Mingyu yells from inside one of the side rooms collecting his stuff.

“Not yet, I’m getting it back on the 15th. Ordered a cab.”

“You’re going home from here, right?” He emerges from the room, arms in the middle of slipping into his jacket. “I’ll drive you.”

“No, it’s fine I have to meet Nayeon at uni and–”

“Even better, I was going there too. Come on, I just need to kill the lights.”

You’re out of saviours, evident as you slide into his car, yet again with no choice. It’s meant to be a short drive, considering the studio is barely ten minutes away from where you need to be, yet it feels like an impromptu road trip with the way the roads seem to stretch.

It’s significantly less awkward than last night, perhaps owed to him not being as inclined to make conversation, unlike last night.

By the time he’s pulling up, you already have your bag in hand, a thank you frozen on your tongue as you register who it is that’s standing outside the library. You groan internally as you see Nayeon waiting for you, immersed in something on her phone. Praying she stays occupied, you rush your, “thanks, I’ll see you tomorrow,” as you hope she doesn’t see you slip out of the familiar car.

She does notice. Looking up at the sound of yout door opening, she catches clear sight of you stepping out of the car, Mingyu in the driver’s seat. You can tell she’s subdued her reaction, but the eyebrows gives her away as they shoot up at the sight. Trudging up to her is a nightmare and a half, dreading the questions she’s going to ask as you hear Mingyu rev away.

“Are my eyes deceiving me?” she breathes out, eyes wide, mouth open in jest.

“Quit it, I have work to get done.” You choose to lead her straight into the library where you know she won’t be able to ask you any more probing questions.

That doesn’t seem to sedate her though as she continues to whisper a million questions, watching you pull your stuff out.

“I had a shoot with him today, he offered to drop me off and I couldn’t say no!”

“Oh my gosh!” she exclaims a little too loud, owing a couple nasty surrounding looks her way, including yours. She continues quieter, pulling your laptop away from you so you’d pay more attention to her. “How’d it go? Did you pose all sexy for him, did he look nervous?”

“I did not pose sexy, I posed normally, because I have a conscience,” you snap, yanking your laptop back from her grip.

She’s smiling like an idiot, unaffected by your annoyance. “Is he gonna drop you off after every shoot? Oh my god! Don’t you dare get your car from the garage, give it to Seokmin, or, or, tell them to keep it!”

“Nayeon, shush!” It’s your turn to whisper shout at her gradually increasing volume, pushing her to quit leaning over the desks.

“Okay, okay.” She sobers up.

“I’m supposed to be getting over him, why are you so happy about this? Indifference, remember? It was you who brought it up.”

“Yes, but you can’t tell me it doesn’t look, I don’t know, like, you know!”

Once she’s a little less giddy, you finally tell her about last night – leaving out the bit where he droppped you home for the sake of the library and its inhabitants.

“I mean, I know we aplogised and everything, but I felt a little less… on fire around him. Other than those stupid studio lights, those were turning the place into a sauna. But I could meet his eyes without hyperventilating,” you explain, eyes downcast as you speak.

“I imagine his eyes were covered with that camera anyway, but progress, I guess,” Nayeon comments.

“Maybe I needed to get mad at him to feel better, I don’t know. But it feels like I’m making progress for the first time.”

“I told you this would be good for you, give it a couple more weeks and it’ll be like Mingyu never happened.”

It takes a conscious attempt to not scoff. Like Mingyu never happened to your heart. That’s a heart you can’t recognise.

The first time Seokmin had brought girls over was a day you couldn’t forget, no matter how hard you tried.

You were padding down to the kitchen, still bleary eyed and pyjama clad from your nap, making a beeline for the fridge to get a glass of water. Your trip is cut short, however, when you realised the living room was not as empty as you expected. It’s a crowd (to your eleven year old self, anyway) of people your brother’s age. You catch a couple familiar faces, friends of your brother who visited often, Mingyu is part of the lumps on the couch with them.

What stumped you, however, were the girls that were seated in between, eyes equally trained on you as everyone else in the room.

“Oh, who’s this Seok?” one of the girls asked.

“My little sister. D’you wanna say hi?” he asked you, neck craned to look at you.

“Uh. Hi,” you whisper, gulping.

There’s a chorus of hi’s that came bounding at you. You could feel the embarrassment creep up your entire body, feeling conscious for the first time in your life. They were staring at you. They were smiling, but you hated it.

You weren’t thinking as you turned around to sprint back upstairs, not missing the tinkle of laughs coming from the living room.

“Oh, she’s cute,” you had heard. That had you nearly starting to cry.

You’d be lying if you said your little crush on Mingyu hadn’t started blossoming for a while at that point. Being younger meant you were constantly fighting to be seen, even more so when you’d do anything for Mingyu to look at you. Hogging your brother’s bean bag until you were kicked out, putting sparkly clips in your hair before you went to the kitchen, laughing especially loud when you knew he could hear.

And yet, despite everything, for the very first time, you hated that Mingyu was looking at you, watching you idle and awkward while he sat next to a bunch of prettier, older girls.

That night was of many firsts, including the first time you had ever cried over Mingyu.

Mingyu claimed this was the last shoot, that he’d be done after this final set of shots.

You’re having a hard time though, because he’s decided his studio for the day was gonna be at the top of a mountain at the asscrack of dawn.

“We have fifteen minutes,” he announces.

“To live?” You heave, crouching on the gravel to give your body a break.

“Till sunrise,” he interjects, reversing to get to your crouched figure. You feel him grab hold of the straps of your bag, swinging it over his own shoulder. “Come on, just a little more.”

“You’ve been saying that for an hour.” You groan, picking yourself up off the path to resume your trudging. Mingyu stays next to you this time.

“Did you pack your entire house in here, the fuck is this so heavy for,” he grunts.

“You're the one asking for a bajillion outfit changes, I’m just doing what you asked.”

“One change of clothes and a compact doesn’t weigh this much, are you disposing a body up here?”

“Might be yours if I don't see that damn railing in a minute.”

“I think you're hungry,” he huffs out.

“I think I need to never agree to do this again.”

“Salavation!” he yelps as he sees a vending machine in the distance, quite literally glowing (with its fluorescent lights).

“I don’t need a water bottle, Mingyu, I need to lie down.” Your voice grows more gruff by the minute, legs nearly giving away.

“No, the vending machine means…” He bounds up the last couple leaps to the glowing box with a burst of motivation. The slope turns flat at the horizon. “We’re here.”

Nearly falling to your knees at the sight of the long awaited arrival point, you drop to a nearby bench and lay flat on the stiff wood.

“How long till I need to look presentable? Because if it’s anything under thirty minutes, I’m tapping out.” You declare.

“I can give you five minutes, take it or leave it.” He barely sits down as he speaks while already unzipping his camera bag. The thought of lifting your arms is excruciating, so you rest your tongue and bite back a whine.

By the time you do find it within yourself to swing your legs back over the bench, the sky is shifting to a smoky navy, urging you to hurry up as you dry your sweat. You’re cringing as you press powder on your unclean face, but power through the final touches as you stretch while standing up straight.

The first rays of sunlight are just coming through as Mingyu calibrates his lenses, trying to figure out the best shots in the limited time frame you have. You listen to him as he directs you where he wants you, contorting your face into something akin to faux serene. It’s near impossible when the frown has molded itself into your face after what you’ve put your body through today.

“Think happy thoughts.” Mingyu calls out from behind his camera.

“Oh, I’m thinking real happy thoughts. Like the ice cold shower I’m about to take when I get home. My clean bed that’s gonna be nice to me when I lay in it. The leftover pasta in the fridge. My moonpies.”

He has to bring his face away from the camera to throw his head back in a breathy laugh, smile as wide as it could go. It does things to you, but you ignore it.

The summit isn’t entirely empty, noting a few people leaning against the railings, rendering it mostly quiet. All the more jarring becomes Mingyu’s phone as it blares into the silence, causing the both of you to jump at the sudden sound.

He checks the caller ID only to silence it and slip it back into his pocket.

You don’t get to ask who it was calling him so early in the morning, but get your answer when he immediately announces he’s done with his shots. The sun is higher up at this point, casting a more even orange glow across all the eye could see.

You suppose he’s in a hurry to get home, seeing as he has someone waiting on him. “Should we leave then?”

He swings the camera strap around his neck, forearms on the railing as he admires the view. “Give it a couple more minutes, I need to mentally prepare myself for the next hour.”

It’s hard for you to deny that, so you let yourself place your head into your crossed arms over the railing, staring into the glow. It’s silent for a while as the rays hit your face, warming you more than you’d like. You don’t make any effort to move though, deciding to appreciate the view while it was here, doubting you’d ever make the trek up here again. Not willingly, at least.

There’s a camera shutter that goes off next to you and you find Mingyu fidgeting with his camera as he tries to begin packing it up. You would help, but you’ve found yourself refraining from touching anything when it comes to his actual camera setup, opting to watch as he disassembles his lenses and pushes buttons to power off.

By the time you're trudging down the path you’d come up from, it’s bright and sunny, rendering it warmer than before. Going down, however, is proving easier as you appreciate the reduced strain in your calves, letting the recent conversation take you to a smoother route.

“When d’you think your gonna be done editing?” You ask at some point, the thought occurring to you that you’d only seen a couple pictures that he’d taken so far, oweing to his disapproval showing you all the raws before editing.

“Kinda have to get them edited and annotated by the due date, so probably by the end of the month.”

“D’you think I could get the ones you edit?”

“Why? D’you wanna kickstart a portfolio?” he muses.

“I think it’s normal to ask for my pictures you took of me,” you grunt.

He laughs it off. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll send them over.”

Mingyu doesn’t drop you off home this time, both of you slipping into your own cars at the base of the hiking trail, bidding your goodbyes. You’d gotten an earful from Nayeon for getting your car back from the garage so quickly, and while sitting in a car with him wasn’t so bad anymore, you choose to retain that distance regardless. This was work, You’re doing this because you have to, and the stupid extra credit that roped you into this in the first place.

Alas, as you start your engine, eyes cast towards Mingyu’s number plate right up front, you can’t help but feel…sad… remembering this was your last shoot. As emotionally vexing the experience was, you had grown to look forward to his discreet location pins and outfit plans, growing more comfortable with him by the meeting.

It almost felt like you and Mingyu were friends.

Your brother’s graduation was an ordeal to say the least. Your parents flying in was a plus, getting to see them at least once for the summer, even if it was just for the day.

The night is wrapped up fairly quickly, a big dinner with yours and Mingyu’s family to congratulate the freed graduates from their academic shackles. It dials back when Mingyu announces he’s gonna take a summer course for now to keep himself busy, wanting to wait a little before job hunting. Seokmin seems to express the same, wanting some time off for himself before entering the corporate world.

It’s when you get home and your brother is sending you all the pictures of today that you note one that stands out. It was of you and Mingyu, an inevitable one as your parents took turns to make sure everybody got solo shots with everyone.

You’d applaud the enthusiasm, but it was particularly unfortunate for you when the camera was thrust into your hands as Mingyu and Jia posed for nearly fifty pictures. You wouldn’t mind usually, but it just felt like a little too much in the moment.

Despite everything, you find yourself clicking on the Save button on the picture where you’re smiling a little too wide right next to him, for the sake of yourself.

Summer break rolls around with no more hiccups, if you’d count finals as anything other than strenuous. You were happy, with a new job to keep you company for the next three months as you lament not being able to go home.

Getting the job at the bookstore was easy, your shifts were reasonable and it didn’t pay half bad. You would’ve guessed they were desperate for a hire, but you appreciate the activity regardless. It’s not really hard work, you find out quickly. Manning the desk, shelving deposits and restocking supplies. Monotonous tasks yet ones that you find yourself slipping into quite easily.

After the last shoot at the mountain, it was basically radio silence from Mingyu. Not being able to catch him the rare chance he stopped by the house, both of you swamped with the end of semester throw up. You doubt he’d noticed, and you despair at the fact that you did, even if it was just a little.

“Oh, great, you’re here!” The owner greets you as you walk into the store, all smiles. She was a sweet lady, nicer than any other boss you’d ever had. “Was just waiting for you so I could leave, my daughter has a play she’s putting on today!”

“Oh, sorry to keep you!” You rush to set your bag down as she picks up her own things, coming around from the table to take her leave. “Hope the recital goes well, tell her I said good luck.”

“Will do.” She smiles before adding, “Oh and, somebody called an hour ago asking about our book bundles, he said he’d come in to check but he hasn’t yet. Thought I’d let you know in case he asks about the phone call.”

“Got it,” you confirm, waving as she walks out the door, “I’ll see you tomorrow!”

Breathing out a sigh, you find yourself relatively free this afternoon, a slow weekday as you pick your current read out of your bag to get comfortable for the long shift. You’re nearly through the halfway point when you hear the first jingle of the day, the bells attached to the door making their familiar chime

“Good afternoon!” You look up to greet the customer, dog earring your book before standing up from your seat.

The person who’d walked in wasn’t just any customer, you soon realise as you recognise the familiar shag of hair. Mingyu was here.

“Oh.” You can’t help but let it out when you register him, his own eyebrows shooting up at the sight of you behind the counter. Your next greeting comes out a little dumbly. “Hi.”

“Hey. What’re you doing here?” he asks, eyebrows furrowed as he takes you in.

“Um,” you glance at your obvious name tag. “I work here.”

“Oh, right, Seok mentioned you started working at a bookstore.” He throws his head back at the memory. “Hey, was it you over the phone earlier today? Didn’t sound like it.”

“Oh no, that was my boss, my shift started like an hour ago.” You confirm.

“Ah, I see.”

The silence is awkward for about five seconds before you jump into action. “You asked about a bundle over the phone?”

“Right, um,” he pauses to fish his phone out his pocket, scrolling for something. “It’s Jia’s birthday coming up, and there’s this book series she’s been wanting. Here.”

You need to remind yourself to pat yourself on the back for not shaking as you received his phone, mind remaining in the moment. “Oh yeah, we have those. Let me grab ‘em for you.”

He follows you through the columns of shelves as you navigate to find what he was looking for, stopping in front of the shelves. “There’s three of these, I can put them in a sleeve for you. Probably put a bow on it too if you want.”

“Okay, perfect. Do you guys have LP’s too?” he asks.

“Uh, yeah. Hold on, let me put these up front.”

You lead him to the back of the store. “The selection’s pretty small, the first shipment only came in like a month ago. I’m not sure if you’ll find what you want here.”

“She’s been talking about getting more LP’s after she got a new record player. Hasn’t mentioned anything she wants though,” he voices, thumbing through the selection.

“What does she listen to normally?” You ask before quickly adding, “So I can, maybe, help pick something she’d like.”

“Uh, older stuff? I should’ve snooped before coming, fuck.” He mumbles, thinking hard. “She barely plays it when I’m around but most of her LP’s are like Frank Sinatra and…Duran Duran was it?”

“Hm…” You hum as you flick through the dated section of the stockpile, “How’s this?’

He’s taking a look at the record you’ve handed him, scanning the tracklists on the back. “I’ll get this, I guess. I can always bring her around to get more that she likes.”

“D’you want a bow on this?” You ask, referring to the books you’re putting into the set sleeve, “You can pick your colour.”

He’s quick to pick the lilac ribbon, watching you as you tape it prettily on the box. You’re trying to curl the ribbon at the ends when he tries to make conversation.

“When does your shift end?”

If the man wasn’t quite literally buying a birthday present for his girlfriend (or if you had any memory of your own birthday), you’d think he was trying to hit on you. But he’s not. You know that.

“Ten-ish. Closing’s on me so I could technically leave an hour early and no one would know.” You snort.

“Everyday?” he asks incredulously.

“Minus weekends, the family takes care of that. They just need someone for afternoons and evenings on the weekdays. It’s not like I’m taking summer classes or anything, and it’s easy work.”

“Well, you’ll be pleased to find out you’ll most likely be available on the 27th of August, then.” He sing songs as he fishes his phone out to pay, a cheeky air in his expression.

You blink at him in confusion, waiting for him to explain. “Was I supposed to get that?”

He pushes his shoulders back, content expression on his face as he continues. “There’s a cultural art exhibition in two months, and I, have just found out I’ve been shortlisted for a spot.”

“A spot? Like to display your photos?!” You drop the card machine with a thud.

“Your photos. Prof liked the project so much she submitted some of ‘em as entries. It was super short notice, but they liked them, I guess.” His grin is wide, one that you find impossible to not reciprocate. “I just need you to sign a consent form and I’ll be all set to start prepping.”

“That’s insane, Mingyu, congratulations!” You exclaim, genuinely excited. “Are you gonna be using the same pictures?”

“Yup, I just need to fix the editing with my prof before they go up. You’re the first to find out, I just got out of the meeting.”

There’s a mix of hesitation before you utter your next proposal, a split second of bewilderment at what you were about to suggest. “Come over tonight, we can celebrate with Seok. Bring Jia along too, we can celebrate an early birthday.”

“I’ll see, she might be taking a bus home tonight for the weekend, might have to bother you by myself.”

The ache in your cheeks didn’t stop until well after Mingyu had left with his cargo, the elated feeling remaining for even longer after the fact. There was a point where it took you convincing to rid yourself of another intrusive, uneasy feeling, like you were taking a step back by being happy at his announcement.

It was, however, safe to call Mingyu a friend. Safe to be happy for him. Safe to have your heart swell at his achievement, having watched him work hard for it.

It was safe to feel.

This was horrible.

Truly.

You were trying to ignore it, the strange thumping noises coming from under your car, like it would go away if you pretended to not hear. There was a sliver of hope for you, barely five minutes away from home that you’d make it before your tire decided it had enough of trying to grab your attention.

But then it started screeching, and you had to stop before you caused a road fire.

“Tire? Didn’t you get them changed like last month?” Seokmin asks over the phone.

“Didn’t know new tires were immune to industrial blades, too. Are you gonna tell me I got ripped off?”

“Mingyu has a scissor jack, I’ll tell him to come to you.”

“Wait! You have a scissor jack, too! Why can’t you come?” You sputter at the sound, glancing at the 21:42 on the dial.

“He has my scissor jack, he’ll change it for you.” He grits back. “Besides, I’m not letting this face pack go to waste I just put it on.”

“Seok!”

“Stay in the car, lock the doors till he gets there.” He grounds.

“Seokmin!”

Beep.

The bastard hung up.

“Ugh!” you break from a tightened jaw, slamming the car door shut with passion as you huff into your seat, waiting for Mingyu.

Was Mingyu busy at 10:30 PM on a weekday? He was, actually.

He’d scrambled to finish up the last of his meeting with his professor, wrapped up in planning for the exhibition despite the two month time frame he’d been given. Exhibitions were a lot of paperwork, as he was finding out as he sweet talks Jia over the phone, promising to be with her within the next five minutes. Well, ten maybe, he has to grab butter from the store.

She sits on the kitchen counter as Mingyu makes her favourite. A strenuous task, but he’s willing to go through the double frying to make up for the time he’s lost. It’s not until he’s doing the post dinner dishes while Jia’s picking a movie in the living room that he’s met with another dilemma to handle.

He’s deflating as he stands, phone to ear as he listens to Seokmin about your situation. Glancing at the near 10:30 PM hand on the clock, he finds it difficult to refuse, especially when he’s told you’re alone and stranded on a highway. He thinks to Jia in the living room as he tells Seokmin he’s leaving the house to get to you.

He’d only be gone for barely 20 minutes. He’s changed plenty of tires, this should be quick and easy.

Slipping into the living room is easy, wrapping his arms around Jia from behind is even easier. It’s when he has to open his mouth that he begins to falter. Twenty minutes, he reminds himself.

“I have two I’ve heard are really good, you can pick which one we watch first,” she voices as she fluffs the pillows on the couch, ready to tuck in for the rest of the night.

“Babe?”

She spins around in his arms, coming up to fluff his flat hair too. “Hm?”

“Seok just called…”

Her face falls as he talks despite his best attempts to assure her he won’t be long.

“Twenty minutes?” she parrots, wanting his word.

“Fifteen.”

Whether Mingyu would keep his word is something he’d find out, but you had kept your word to Seokmin, staying in the car, doors locked till you saw Mingyu’s car pull up behind you in the rearview. The wretched scissor jack that’s caused all of this sits in his own boot as he yanks it out to bring it over to your car, where you stand arms crossed, face dejected.

“Were you waiting long?” He asks as he immediately crouches to fit the jack where he wants it.

“No, not really,” you reply. “I’m sorry you had to come all the way out here, if only Seok remembered to take the stupid scissor jack–”

“No, no, it’s okay. I wasn’t doing anything.” Lies. But you already sounded apologetic and he didn’t wanna hear you apologize any further.

“No, it’s not okay. The idiot’s relaxing with a stupid face mask on while you have to come out here and change a fucking tire, God, you have class tomorrow too, don’t you?”

“Not until the afternoon, I’m in the clear.” He springs up from his crouched position, pulling the jack with him. “Open the boot.”

Placing the scissor jack in your boot, he continues, a little breathless. “There, I’ll tell Seokmin I left it in your car. Or, you could do that.”

“Thanks, Mingyu. Really.”

He does nothing but flash a smile, doing his best to convince you you weren’t an inconvenience before having to see your apologetic face again. “Alright, I wanna see you drive off before I leave, go on.”

By the time Mingyu’s slamming the door of the house shut, it’s eighteen minutes on the dot. Jia doesn’t say much, excited to have him back in her arms.

“Wait!” he suddenly yelps, once he’s tucked in with her.

“What now?” she groans.

Mingyu’s bounding back to his bedroom, emerging a few moments later with a dark paper bag. He goes back to sit next to her on the couch, sliding the bag and its contents towards her.

“Here. We’re not gonna be together for your birthday, might as well give you your present the night before you leave.” His eyes are glinting, hopeful.

Jia expresses her thank you’s commenting on the ribbon and his LP choice, grinning widely.

Your name comes tumbling out of Mingyu’s mouth before he can stop himself. “She helped me pick it out!”

“You…took her with you?” She asks after a moment.

“She worked at the store! I didn’t know till I went there either.” Mingyu’s voice grows increasingly enthusiastic, seemingly unaware that his girlfriend was growing slightly irritated. “I’ll take you there when you get back, the selection’s small but she’ll probably help you pick out something you’d like. I only had to give her like two names before she figured it out.”

“Oh, that’s nice,” she comments, tight smile on her lips as she collects the book sleeve and the LP, placing them back into the bag and leaving them on the floor next to her.

Mingyu is blissfully unaware of the fuel he’s added to growing embers, munching away on his popcorn, eyes trained on the TV and its stimulating colours.

“I was talking to Jihyo the other day, super random but it came up while we were talking about you,” Jia starts experimentally.

“Huh?” He has her attention. And when she mentions your name, the part of him that’s always wondered when she’d bring it up comes out of dormancy.

“She said she…I don’t know, she said she liked you at some point, Like a lot, and for a while.” Jia sounds unsure, like she didn’t know if it was a good idea to bring you up.

Mingyu sighs as he rears himself for the inevitable conversation. “It’s—well, it was—just puppy love. I was around all the time and I guess she latched, I don’t know.”

Jia pauses, eyes remanging trained on the movie. “Does it make you uncomfy? That she liked you? Maybe she still does.”

“It doesn’t matter, does it? I’m around Seok which means I’m sometimes around her by default. Can’t help it. I mean, the photography thing kinda just happened but, I don’t really care. And she seems over it.”

Mingyu is rambling. He can feel it. Which is why he tries to end the conversation right there, tone nonchalant as he hopes the topic breezes past.

It doesn’t.

“You seemed pretty adamant in leaving, though.”

“Huh?”

“When she called just now.”

“Seok called, I had his scissor jack!”

“Why couldn’t he have grabbed it for you and helped his sister himself? He has a car too.” Jia’s paused the movie at this point, moving away from his arm she was leaning on, shifting to look at him fully.

“It would’ve taken him forever, she was alone in the middle of a highway at nearly eleven, you wanted me to leave her there?” Mingyu finds the conversation ridiculous, and it shows in the irritation that rises in his own voice.

“Mingyu, you can’t be upset with me right now,” she breathes out exasperated.

“I’m not? I get that you’re upset, I haven’t been around as much but you also know what this exhibition means to me. I need to put everything I have into this and it’s only for a couple months–”

“Mingyu, it’s not just the exhibition!”

“Jia, I can’t know if you don’t tell me what’s really bothering you, talk to me.” Mingyu’s begging at this point, wondering how it’s come to this in the first place.

“You can’t expect me to be okay with you going around wherever, whenever, when I know what kind of lifestyle you’ve come out of not even six months ago!”

Mingyu had come a long way from his galvanizing tendencies, doing absolutely everything he could to convince Jia he was serious about her. Unfortunately, this was not the first time his past had been brought up; in an argument or in a light hearted setting, and he wasn’t particularly fond of it.

“Are we in six months ago? Are you saying I’ve done nothing substantial for you to think I’m still fucking around? Either give me an instance or figure out what the real issue is!”

There’s a plaster of suffocation in the room, neither soul speaking a word. Until Jia finally speaks. “I wanna go home.”

It didn’t matter to Mingyu if she was expecting him to grovel, to ask her to stay and talk about this further. It was clear she wasn’t about to talk about anything pertinent at all, and definitely not tonight. He was tired, and frankly wanted to be alone right now.

“Fine.”

Silence penetrates all of his air for the entire car ride up until he’s entering his apartment for the third time that day. Not bothering to clean up the living room, he thinks he does himself a service so as to not be reminded of the past couple hours. He’s casting the place in complete darkness before moving to his room. Might as well get some work done.

There’s a conscious effort to not start slamming things, he succeeds mostly, his graphic tablet receiving the short end of the stick. Turning on his monitor, he’s met with his ongoing project still brought up on the screen.

It’s a picture of you. One he took in a greenhouse off the outskirts of the city, something you complained about extensively as the heat ruined both your mood and your hair. You were smiling regardless; a wide, happy smile as you looked into the camera, petunia’s and dahlia’s framing an illusion around your figure.

Mingyu feels the tension in his muscles begin to relax, his breathing evening out after what felt like hours. He becomes almost excited to pick up his stylus and work on the photo, the set up allowing him to dive right in. There was barely any work left, moving on as he finishes the photo and saves it.

It isn’t until he happens to click on the the last folder, the one where you both caught the sunrise after a strenuous hike. He can’t help but break into a hint of a smile at the memory of your broken figure at the pathway, cursing him for bringing you here so early in the morning. The pictures had come out good, especially when Mingyu opens a particular photo at the bottom of the folder, an extra from his initial round of editing for his actual project.

It’s of you (of course) with your chin tucked into your arms as you gaze at the scene from up above, beyond the railing. The sun is up higher at that point, but the cast remains as the top half of your face that wasn’t tucked in your arms is lit in an orange glow, eyes glistening like stars during the day, wide and beautiful.

Mingyu remembers the shot. It was an accident.

In an attempt to fiddle with the settings to turn off the camera, he ended up snapping a picture instead. The distinct click was noticed, never bothering to check what came out of it when he stuffed his camera back into his bag, nor when he sifted through his SD card.

It was like he was seeing the picture in a new light, and the potential it had to become something worth ogling at. He wonders what had come over him when he had placed the photo as a secondary option without another thought, lamenting at what could’ve been his actual final piece.

He stares and stares, attempting to draw maps of color rendering in his mind, yet all that comes up is his eyes zeroing in on your own. How they glisten. How they sparkle.

Part 2

6K notes · View notes

madamechrissy · 5 months ago

Text

Silent Serenades

♔ An arranged Marriage with Duke Gojo ♔

♔ Pairings: Duke Satoru Gojo x Duchess Reader

♔ Content/Warnings: TW: Past Self harm references, past eating disorder references- angsty asf always, Explicit sexual content, cunnilingus, fingering, dirty talk, name calling, hate/love sex!? lots of tension, and ofc a breed kink bc it's ME lol

♔ Word count: this chap: 13k (longest chap so far!)

♔ Summary: you are the diamond of the season, he is the charming Duke, it’s the marriage of the decade. Prominent families joining, and it so happens that Duke Gojo is gorgeous. But, he doesn't want you at all, leaving you a crying mess on your wedding night, alone. Now you're trapped in a loveless arranged marriage that destroys you from within. Royal AU, Cruel Duke Gojo x reader. OOC Set in 1800s England. Gojo is awful in this. You'll hate Satoru, warning you now. HEAVY angst Basically- Gojo is a royal dick and doesn't wanna marry you

Split POV- Duchess and Duke Gojo- Comments and Reblogs appreciated <3

Part Ten ♔ Masterlist ♔ Playlist

Part Eleven

Gojo’s POV

The last ball you had been to with Duke Gojo was completely different from this one, even only being a couple weeks ago. The last one you were enemies, you had been with Nanami and he had been with Lady Elaine. He had danced once with you, just for show, and had later watched you on that man’s lap, hating the man so much he almost lost all composure.

He had begged to just taste you that night, he wonders why you even let him, you know how horrible he was, but even then, something pulled you both to each other, like never ending magnets. Even then he’d tried so hard to fight it, the desire for you, the feelings building, this inexplicable need to constantly be near you, to your very detriment.

Now, Duke Gojo is walking into this ballroom with your little hand in his, you all certainly aren’t enemies now, fuck Satoru is falling in love deeper with your every breath in fact. He knows you’re terrified, so he does not want to push to know your feelings but he knows they are there, how else could you even care for a man like him, a man who has wronged you so many times.

This morning he had watched you sleep, when he’d woken up cradling your delicate body in his strong arms. You looked so real, not just this figurative angel he came to check on at night, your hair was messy, you were snoring just slightly, he had smiled at how precious you were. When the sun’s rays had hit the windows of your bedchamber, you’d blinked up and looked at him.

His heart had faltered. He was terrified, would you be upset, scared to be next to him? Would you tell him to leave, realize your folly, your mistake of ever letting Satoru close, letting him fuck you, hold you. And fuck if you weren’t the most exquisite creature he’d seen in the morning, if you weren’t the best thing he’d ever felt, your body seemed made for him, you seemed made for him.

You had just smiled softly, caressing his face, and you’d given him a little kiss, before backing away shyly. Satoru had of course responded with a passionate kiss, already hard from being pressed against you all night. But you all had been interrupted for there was much to do before the ball, otherwise he would have devoured you, every bit of you.

The bliss of waking up with you made him realize that last night was not just some dream, in fact it was so much better than any dream. On the carriage ride instead of arguing or being silent, both of you had spoken of the village, you had learned more of each other, even though at times he saw you stop yourself from being so enthusiastic, controlled yourself, held yourself in a bit.

He sees it written all over your pretty face, you’re still terrified of opening your heart, and who could blame you? Satoru himself could not forgive his transgressions towards you, despite the fact that you seem to be willing to give him a chance. You squeeze his hand a bit, scanning the crowd as you all stand on the top of the winding steps, to descend into the ballroom.

“What is it, Princess? Nervous?” He murmurs, you take a breath, looking up at him under your lashes.

“A little. Is this the first event we’ll have where you don’t hate me?” You tease, he smirks then.

“Yes, but you still hate me.” He says the words lightly, but he hopes that they’re not true, against all sense. He hopes you feel more than hatred, though Satoru would take your hatred over anyone else’s love.

“A little.” You whisper, as he leans down now, putting your hand on his inner elbow now. “Much less than the last one.”

“I’ll take it as a win.” Satoru earns your little breathy laugh, fuck if everything you do doesn’t affect him in every way. “You look so stunning, everyone will be after you soon, you know.”

You blush now, looking down shyly as you both descend the staircase, your heels and his hessian boots clicking along the marble steps. You’re donned in a glittering white gown, so stunning it had taken his breath away when you’d first walked out of your room earlier. You were for once not wearing those ridiculous corsets your mother put you in your entire life, a bit out of fashion if anything.

Your waist was small enough, and he relishes in the fact you can breathe, and eat without being in such discomfort. Your dress has an empire waist, lacy roses along the bodice, cut to show much of your tantalizing breasts, not the older style fashion you usually had, though you looked beautiful in those as well. Satoru wants you to be your own person, not just your mother’s shadow.

He still does not know how deep what your mother has done to you goes, but he’s wary of seeing her after the dinner, where she’d been so hurtful, and where he’d realized what he’d caused, more pain for you. He never wants you to feel pain again, especially if he can help it, you’re owed at least that much for everything you have endured.

“Thank you, Satoru, you look dashing as well.” You murmur, leaning up to whisper in his ear as he bends down, Satoru smirks despite his heart racing at your compliment.

“Of course I do.” You roll your eyes now, giggling just a bit, a sound that has frequently been making his heart swell with so much affection it could burst. You’re turning him pathetic, he should be more scared of - Ending up like he did with Adelia- But he’s trying to stay open, to stop closing up, even if it destroys him in the end.

“I should not save you any dances, rakish man.” You tease, pretty lips quirking up just so as you do.

“Ah, cruel Duchess. You’ll dance with Suguru?” You roll your eyes.

“Maybe I shall.”

“Keep your lips to yourself.”

“I should say the same!” It’s too easy with you, the way you all ebb and flow, it feels far too good, and Satoru realizes it could have been this way from the beginning, even during your courtship, if he’d just opened up. The thoughts of time wasted and pain he’s brought consume him. “Satoru I was kidding.”

You snap him out of it then, looking at him with concern drawing your brows together. He gently touches the spot between them that is furrowed, as many onlookers start to speak of you both, hushed whispers and pointed fingers. The Duke and Duchess entered this elegant ballroom, where everyone was already mingling and dancing, of course it was a spectacle.

You stand out, of course you do, when haven’t you? You lit up everything even long, long before he would admit it. Of course Duke Gojo knows he does as well, but people truly adored you, for much more than your pretty exterior. Even now you are smiling at everyone who greets you all as you walk through the throngs of people, onto the chalk designed floor beneath you both.

“Shall I have your first dance?” Satoru murmurs to you softly, and you nod, biting your lower lip nervously. He gently releases it from your teeth’s grasp, seeing the little indentations, seeing your eyes dilate at his touch.

Fuck he’d love to be inside you again, feel you cumming on his cock. As elegant and ladylike as you present, he knows you’ve swallowed his cum and his spit last night, knows you had ridden his cock and cum all over the length of it. He knows you liked your ass smacked, liked your hair pulled, liked being choked, this elegant pretty Princess of his.

Even now he’s thinking of it, of sliding his cock between your perfect lips, of feeling your tongue dipping into the hole on his tip, greedily tasting his precum. Thinks of picking you up and fucking you on every single surface there is. Three times is not enough even in an evening for him with you, he’d love to fuck you from sunlight to sundown, dusk till fucking dawn.

He wants to fuck you until you’re both passing out from your exertions, but still push more and more in your soaking wet cunt. He wants to fill you with his seed so badly, he can’t of course but he dreams of it, of how good it would feel to cum inside you, fill you until you’re dripping out. Drink it right out of your yummy cunt, taste you two together.

He dreams of tying you up to the new bed he had ordered, they should have it together by the time the ball is over, he knows you’re disgusted by it, and why wouldn’t you be? He’d fucked countless women right in that room, with the goddamn door open, knowing you could see, wanting to make it so clear he ‘didn’t want you’ so you wouldn’t ever feel anything.

How, after all that, do you feel anything?

Satoru is desperate to do anything to make you stay, he would let you walk all over him if you wanted, but you’re just not like that. You’re damaged like him, yes, but you go about things differently, instead of being full of resentment, you push through and you try.

“Deep in thought, your Grace?” You ask softly, as the music begins, and people are crowded around you all.

He just nods a bit, taking your waist now, feeling the nip of it under your satin dress, watching your breath catch at the touch, your lips part just so. Your hand comes to grip his, as you both begin to move, his thumb pressing into your ribcage, his other fingers pressing into your back, watching you tremble, nearly having a misstep.

“Something wrong, Duchess?” He smirks as he asks you, you glare now, earning his chuckle.

“Nothing!” His thumb brushes the side of your breast as you both turn and twirl, the eyes of the ton on you.

“Sure it’s not. Not wet from my touch?” He whispers, so close he can taste your sweet breath, you scowl, narrowing your glittering eyes, your other hand clutching his shoulder over his suit jacket.

“Not at all, conceited man.” He just grins at you, spinning you and then dipping you over his arm, contemplating kissing you so that everyone knows how much he desires you, especially so many women Satoru has had a past with. He senses Lady Elaine glaring as he stands you back up. “What’s wrong, Satoru?”

“My first name, scandalous.” You shake your head at him with a little smile, until your eyes find her. “Ignore her. She’s angry I kicked her out that night.”

Your hands clutch tightly to his shoulders as his are on your waist, and you both glide together, effortlessly. “She’s glaring daggers at me.”

“Jealousy.”

“I doubt-”

“It is, because you have me.” He gulps then, sighing. “If you want to, of course… I know you…”

You caress his cheek then, mid movement, he leans into the touch with a sigh. “I want to try.” You say softly, and he sees how nervous you are, he can feel your pulse race as his thumbs brush the delicate veins of your inner wrist. “I’m terrified of how I feel, how easy it was this morning.” Your voice is a whisper.

“I know, I know… I have a surprise for you later.” You light up then, so pretty. “Do you like surprises?”

“I have not had very many, but yes I do. I think?” You’re so beautiful with that blush creeping up your neck.

“You think it’s a tawdry surprise, slutty girl.” He murmurs, earning you stomping on his foot, he huffs, glaring back at you.

“Oops, so clumsy.” You stick your tongue out through your teeth, Satoru snorts then, shaking his head.

“I’ll punish you later.” He says against the shell of your ear, as the song ends and he’s bent low, hand cupping your face.

“Oh will you? You can try.” He feels his body react as he dares to kiss your lips, in front of the entire ton, in front of onlookers and servants alike. He could devour you here, but he keeps it chaste, looking at the desire in your eyes when he backs away. “In front of them all?”

“They should know you’re mine.”

“Yours?”

“Even if you don’t know it yet.” He kisses your lips once more, earning the awws of many, and the look of ire from others, before leaning back and smirking at you. “You blush every-”

“I’ll stomp your other foot, Duke.” You shove him off you then, huffing so cutely, fuck the world melts when you are here, it’s like nothing else exists. Soon, Suguru and Shoko come up to you both, clear shock on their faces as they observe you all, and you straighten up, shyly smiling at them both.

“Did he drug you? Why are you so happy with this ass?” Shoko demands, and Satoru sticks his tongue out, earning your little giggle.

“You let her speak to me this way?” Satoru asks you.

“Oh, I love when she does.”

Suguru and Shoko chuckle, Satoru glares at all three of you. “You little brat, the most insolent-”

“Satoru…” Suguru starts, and Satoru sighs.

“It’s just foreplay, she’s quite… freaky.” Suguru blushes now, looking up at the chandeliers above you all, and you gasp, smacking at his shoulder, luckily no one really noticed as another dance has started.

“Oh! Oh? Oohhh…” Shoko puts it together now, looking at both of you. “Shit, really, him?”

“Shoko, you’re such a bitch.” She stomps on Satoru’s other foot now. “Surrounded by psychotic wenches.”

“What changed suddenly?” Suguru interjects, looking right at you as he speaks, a hand gentle on your arm, so caring. He makes Satoru want to punch him, though he knows he just cares for you, he detests anyone else touching you, even his best friend, a thing that surprises him.

With Adalia she had literally been with countless men, he did not want to know details, all he knew was his obsession with her. He cared little for what she did not around him, whereas the times you had gone to your baker, it had broken him, left him in fucking shambles. Once he sat there at the table for hours and hours, praying you would turn around, think better of it.

But why would you have? Satoru consistently pushed you, and he now understands completely why you did so. Though he wishes so fervently he could have had that special moment of being your first, he knows the man he was then did not deserve it. It did not change the fact that he wanted to kill the man who did it, that he wants you to completely forget him.

He wants to be your only, your last.

You’re surely his.

“I’m giving it some time…”

“A month.”

“No, Satoru… perhaps longer. I do not know yet.” His chest feels so light, like he can finally breathe again. “Time to help him with the villages, and… get to know each other finally. Exclusively.”

“That’s… that’s good news. Surprising news.” Suguru looks at Satoru now curiously, dark eyes narrowing, assessing him up and down. “Is Satoru back, is the shitty whore Duke gone?”

Satoru snorts, rolling his eyes, Shoko crosses her slender arms as she studies him as well. “I’d also like to know. You better treat her right, actually more than that, you should be kissing her feet.” She says.

“Kissing the ground she walks on.” Suguru says, and you’re grinning now, raising a brow expectantly at him.

“I’m frequently on my knees, if that helps.” Satoru says, for it is true, how many times had he sank to his knees for you, to beg for you, god only you could make him this way, and it still terrifies him. It’s a million times more intense than Adalia, it’s as if you’ve wiped her memories out, like that love was nothing.

But what if you still leave!?

Satoru does not know if he can live if you do, if he could live with himself knowing all the pain he caused and not have a chance to fix it, to make you feel loved, wanted, cherished. Those vows he never took seriously, now they’re like little biting wounds, of every single one he broke, has he even now made you feel cherished or loved, or simply… desired?

He wants to show you more, but he also knows it’s overwhelming, fuck he is overwhelming altogether, so he wants to give it time, but he is also consumed by you. Ever since he had you, since he felt you under him, felt your sweetness dripping down his cock, entwined his fingers with your own, he is more hopeless than before, so mad you make him just by existing.

You’re covering your mouth with your little gloved hand as they continue picking on Satoru, lighting up your face, lighting up the room. How could he have sapped so much joy from you!? How can he get over the hatred he has for himself, so he can show you the love building, and it’s a crushing, consuming love, one where it’s all he can think of.

All he can think of is you.

How many ways he can make you cum, how many times he could get you to scream out his name. How your beautiful fucking eyes glazed over when he got you off so hard you were convulsing, then that look when you’d been on your knees. But more than just that, more than your perfect cunt and body, no the moments where he just could hold you…

He’d never slept so well in his fucking life as last night, woken up just drooling on you, sprawled all over, taking over your bed, you’d just been snug and tight against him, so small and sweet. Satoru wanted to protect you from anything in the world, but what had he done, but been what you needed protecting from. Even Suguru had screamed at him, Shoko had, his mom had just from hearing rumors.

And you needed another man to protect you from him. Satoru hates that, more than anything, the thoughts that swirl as he realizes how much he pushed you, how much he took out every pain in his life on you. He does not think he even deserves to look upon you, but he’s so fucking selfish he’ll take it, take anything from you.

“I am starving.” You say, and he smiles at hearing it, it’s not something you would normally say, so worried constantly about appearances. “I am going to grab a bite to eat, let them yell at you more.”

He chuckles, kissing your hand gently, to the surprise of Suguru and Shoko, who share a little hopeful smile. “Sounds good, I’ll be waiting for another dance.”

“Hmm, maybe… we’ll see.” You tease, and Satoru is left with Shoko and Suguru, crossing their arms.

“She was completely done with you I thought.” Shoko says, Satoru sighs, the knife twisting in his stomach.

“I truly thought so as well. She had…”

“The papers, I am aware.” He glares at them, but then sighs once more, shaking his head. “I understand why you signed them. You all wanted better for her.”

They both look aghast now. “Have you actually come to your senses? Did all my smacks work?” Shoko asks, Satoru shakes his head once more, as a server brings them each a glass of champagne. He twists it in his hands now.

“She found someone else.” His voice is hoarse as he speaks, and they share a look, then nod a bit. “You knew?”

“Yes. I did not judge her for it. Though she should have picked me.” Suguru says with a smirk, and Shoko laughs.

“You’ve already kissed her, you ass.” Satoru glares, but Suguru shrugs, sipping on his champagne casually.

“Sure did. You deserved worse.”

“I know. But still you deserve a punch.”

“You deserve multiple.”

“I’d have kissed her if I was there.” Shoko says with a grin, earning another scowl from Satoru.

“Some friends I have!”

“You’re lucky you still have any. Even before her, you’ve been miserable.” Suguru says.

“I know. How about you both come to dinner this weekend? And I can explain myself.” They nod then, making Satoru exhale in relief. “It’s a long story…”

“Hey, is the Duchess alright? Her mother…” Suguru trails off now, and Satoru looks over at you, his stomach lurching when he looks at your mother grabbing your wrist roughly, shoving down whatever food you had in it. “What on Earth is she doing acting that way!?”

“What a little bitch. Should I spill a drink on her?” Shoko says through gritted teeth, her fists clenching in her silk gloves.

“She’s done this to her for her entire life.” Satoru whispers, furious as he watches your crestfallen face. “And I’m done with it.”

Satoru downs his drink in a gulp, handing the empty glass to Suguru now, before grabbing his and downing it as well. Suguru just nods to him, looking back at you now, concern washing his face. “I’ve always wondered if she had a problem, she never ate anything around me. Then you…”

“I know, I was horrible. I must fix at least one thing I can control.” Satoru says, and they nod.

“Go to her.” Suguru pats him on the shoulder, and now Satoru’s eyes are set on you across the room, striding towards you in long lengths, ignoring anyone and everyone who tries to pause him, speak to him.

He can see your mother bending over you, and you damn near fucking cowering, fiddling with your hands in front of yourself, before covering yourself up with your arms, hugging yourself, so insecure. It makes him sick and furious, sick for you, for what you feel when you shouldn’t, and furious this woman would continue on. He can’t even hear her words but he just knows.

He knows he needs to do one fucking thing right for you, one of many more things if you’ll allow him. He stands now right in front of you both, you’re standing in front of a tower of fruit and chocolate fountains, there’s the tiniest little plate where you had taken a bite of one. You look up at him now, eyes glistening with tears, and your mother attempts a fake smile.

“Your Grace!”

“Just what have you said to upset my wife?”

Your POV

His wife?

Why does hearing that make your heart race, make you overheat, to the point you almost feel giddy? It feels so good to hear him, to see him standing so tall next to you, putting a possessive arm around your waist, bringing you against him. Just days ago this would seem impossible, improbable, but now…

Your mother is sputtering, and you’re trying not to cry in front of an entire assembly of people, mostly gossipers, you’re trying to hold onto a frail composure, but it’s nearly impossible. The relief you feel when he’s next to you is indescribable, no matter what has happened between you two, once again he defends you from her, the woman you have no hope of standing up to.

You had just wanted a nibble as you had not had a chance to eat today with all the preparations, when your mother had smacked it right out of your hand, cruelly assessing your outfit. Asking why you had no corset, asking what you were wearing, telling you how horrible and wide waisted you look. That you were embarrassing her by being this way.

You cannot manage to stand up for yourself with her, you never really have been able to, unlike how you could with Duke Gojo. You’re now rubbing on the scar on your wrist, and Satoru’s eyes go there, you still have much to learn about each other, and you’re at times scared to open up. He’s trying, and you want to try, but it��s so terrifying to trust him.

It felt so easy, waking up next to him, those glittering blue eyes studying you, that silky white hair perfect even in the damn morning. You had shared this look with him as the sun’s rays had filtered in through the window, casting shadows on his perfect face, tempting you to caress a cheek. He had kissed you so hungrily, in the quiet little morning, a kiss that felt like so much more than lust.

Satoru Gojo surely knew lust, look at all his experience, but he says with you it is more, and you’re scared to believe him. But you do want to, and fuck if you don’t feel deeply for him, falling into a madness that consumes you. The thing that has scared you this entire time is your feelings for him, now more than ever, you feel your heart in his hands.

And he could crush you if he knew that you were falling head over heels in love with this cruel, foolish, toxic and insane man. A man that you should not feel this for, even though yes he’s trying, why do you want to forgive him so fast? Why not have him suffer, make him feel pain like you did…

Well because that’s not who you are.

But at the same time you can’t just express it, times like this morning you wanted to whisper ‘my love’ but you cannot yet. You still need to feel safe, so you must keep it to yourself, you do not want things used against you. Of course you want to believe him, but you’re still nervous, and he seems to understand, he does not ask for you to return the things he says.

But you feel them, with your entire body and soul, just dancing with him in his arms, looking up at him in his elegant black suit, you wanted to melt into him then and there, as if it were only you two. The rest of the world seems to fade in the background, even before, even when you hated each other, it was like it was just you two and that hatred.

Was it ever hatred? You still do not know. Even then you wanted to figure him out, to solve him, even in Nanami’s bed you’d thought of him, you had dreamed of him so many times. You were always consumed by him, but now the hatred has ebbed and flowed, and you’re left with more and more feelings beyond desire, especially now as he’s studying you carefully.

You had cut yourself a few times, always in the same place, and unfortunately once was a very deep one, on accident. You had wanted to do it as a punishment, because you knew you could never live up to your mother’s expectations. But that day, you’d been happy, simply been baking muffins in the kitchens with the cooks, and had been nibbling when she’d found you.

You always had strict rules set by your mother, and even more as a young adult, as your mother put more and more pressure on you. You had to have the tiniest waist, they would corset you down to a ridiculous eighteen inches at certain points, but as you matured, you could only get to twenty inches, and to see you indulging had set your mother into a fit of course.

She had laced you up herself in the room, laced you so tightly and with so much force you threw up the only thing you had eaten, she did not hit you or hurt you, your parents never did such a thing, for that you guess you are lucky. But she had said the meanest things as she laced you up, of how no man would want you, of how you needed to be prettier, better, thinner.

You’d sobbed as she had left, just a tying of a corset became something so disgusting, and after you’d thrown up the contents of your stomach, barely able to breathe, you’d had an asthma attack. Finally getting to the kitchens, you’d instead found a knife, and sliced your wrist so deep blood had poured everywhere, and for a moment you felt a dizzying peace.

Your nan had stitched you up, sobbing, you had broken her heart, you knew, but she never judged you, she just unlaced you, caring for the blood not just on your wrist but on your back from your mother’s tight lacing. She had bandaged you up and held you as you sobbed all night, telling you that you were worthy.

Even thinking of it now makes you choke up, sniffling back tears as you struggle to focus, to not let such thoughts drag you down. “I merely am concerned at what she is wearing, your Grace. Where is her corset, and what is this dress!?”

“She can wear whatever she bloody well wants, first off Mama.” Satoru says, squeezing you tightly. “Second off, she looks beautiful, women do not wear corsets, not young women anyway. It’s not even in fashion. You would want my Duchess out of fashion?”

“No, of course not but it’s not flattering! She had the smallest waist, your Grace, before you met-”

“How much smaller does she need to fucking be!? How can she have children if she starves herself, she’s already done so enough I imagine in your care.” He scowls at her now, and she returns it.

“Well, I never! She had everything she wanted.” You scoff now, earning her ire. “Something to say?”

“No.” You whisper, hating yourself, and Satoru looks at you in confusion, thin white brows drawn together.

“That’s fine, I have much to say on her behalf, first and foremost you will no longer try to control what she eats, what she wears, anything. I am her husband now, and that duty is only for me. And I say she can do whatever the fuck she wants. Is this understood, my Lady?” His words in your defense touch you deeply, as you look up at him, seeing the set to his jaw, feeling his grip on you.

Your mother sighs, looking at you with disdain up and down. “You of course have that right, but I caution you to think better. She enjoys sweets too much, what if she becomes-”

“She can have whatever it is she wants. And she’s beautiful, so beautiful you feel the need to down her. Is it your inadequacies you push?” Your mouth drops open, your mother blushing furiously, fanning herself now as your dad comes up, smiling and patting your head. Though a little awkward and distant, he was kind, completely clueless surely.

“What’s going on with you three? People are looking.” He says, Satoru smirks just a bit at him.

“I was informing your wife it’s a husband’s duty to watch what his wife does, not her mother’s any longer. Would you agree my Lord?” Satoru asks, and your father glares at your mother now.

“Again?” He asks quietly, she rolls her eyes.

“I’m just looking out for her, I just care for her.”

“Perhaps your care has nearly ended me.” You finally murmur, earning Satoru and your father’s concerned gaze, your mother looks further irritated.

“So ungrateful, I-”

“That’s quite enough. You will no longer speak to her and upset her in that way, especially if you do not wish to lose all your invitations garnered by her being married to me. Is that quite clear?” Satoru’s icy blue eyes glare right at her, your dad senses the tension and tugs at her arm.

“She’s just feeling a little out of sorts. Apologize, darling.” Your dad says, your mom is seething, scowling down at you.

“Fine, let yourself go then. I suppose it’s your right, you’re married well, but I hope you set a better example for your-”

“That’s enough. An apology, then you may leave.” Satoru says again, she looks up at him, mouth setting.

“I apologize, your Grace.”

“No, to her, to your daughter.” You tense next to him now, shaking your head, and Satoru looks even more curiously at you.

“No need, Mama.” You murmur, now Satoru is glaring down at you.

“There is a need. I insist.” He speaks through gritted teeth. You take a breath, and your mother looks down for a moment, seeing you two.

“You’re indeed in love, aren’t you? You both are lucky.” You both pause at that. “You shall hear no more, it is your right as her husband to control such things. I bid you both a good evening.” Your dad pauses as your mom turns away.

“I hope you are doing well, darling. You look lovely.” You smile then, taking his hand, as he nods his head to Satoru. “Your Grace.”

“My Lord.” He says in return, then, he looks down at you, and you can’t control it anymore, you feel yourself falling apart, at how much you just…

How much you feel.

He stood up for you again from her, someone you can’t manage to stand up for yourself, the emotions are now overwhelming, the things you constantly want to hold back, the fears you should have and do have shoved back for just this moment. You take his hands in yours, as he looks down at you, concern written on his face, delicately wiping a tear.

“Come, too many onlookers, let us have privacy for a moment.” You nod then, letting him walk you out of the room, your tears catch the lights of the chandeliers above your heads, glinting in the evening. He leads you through a sea of lords and ladies, through an empty corridor, until he has you in a large study, shutting the door behind you.

It’s quiet for a moment, as he clicks the lock, then you can’t hold it in any longer, your tears, your feelings, as soon as he has turned to face you, you’re against him, pulling him down by the lapels of his jacket, tip toeing. You smash your lips on his, and he devours yours, kissing you over and over, hands cupping your face, tasting the salt of your tears.

His hands soon come to grip your waist, burning through the layers of your gown, finally he leans back, blue eyes flickering back and forth as he studies you, wiping more of the tears that flow. He’s quiet for just a moment, exhaling and then kissing your cheeks, your forehead, and you cling to his wrists, trembling.

“Thank you, Satoru. You didn’t have to do that.” You whisper finally, looking up at him through your watery gaze.

“It’s the very least I can do. What has she done to make you so… weak in front of her? Where’s the angry brat I’m used to?” You giggle a bit then, but he seems very serious, taking off your gloves slowly, a thumb brushing your wrist. “I have no right to ask more about you, but if you would share?”

You nod then, he sits you on the settee, coming to sit next to you, an arm wrapped around your shoulders, pulling you against him. “I was never good enough for her, Satoru, never ‘perfect’ enough. So I began to punish myself for my imperfections…” He gulps, his own eyes filled with emotions.

“I always thought you were so perfect, that it vexed me. Until I got to truly know you, and realize you… are quite a mess.”

“Hey!” He chuckles, as you shove at him, sniffling now.

“Beautiful mess.” You take a breath now, leaning closer, letting him brush your arm up and down gently.

“You make it difficult to keep hating you. Odd for a man so hateable prior.” He smiles sadly, snowy lashes lowering over his irises.

“I surely was easy to hate. So… the perfection was hard to reach for you? Where does it leave the rest of us?”

“Oh hush. No it was impossible, and soon I well… cut myself.”

Satoru gulps now, eyes glimmering. “Fuck.”

“Is this too-”

“No, I want to know you. Please.” You nod then, hearing the desperation in his voice, feeling yourself want him more, in ways you never knew, in ways that scare the fuck out of you, telling him things no one knew but Nan, and even she did not know all of it.

“I did it to punish myself for my inadequacy.” You whisper, his eyes flutter shut for a moment, pulling you even closer. “I went too far one night, when she was particularly cruel to me, I had been eating muffins in the kitchen. That’s why the scar is there, I cut too deep, then for a moment… I thought perhaps things would be better if-”

“No, no, no. Never. Would anything be better without you here.” He cups your face now, squeezing so hard you wince, and you can’t stop the break down, as he kisses you once more, soft brushes of once cruel lips. “I said that day that I wanted you not to exist, and I’ll never fucking forgive myself for it now. What if you hurt yourself due to me!?”

“Satoru, I didn’t, and I forgive you.” His jaw clenches.

“You shouldn’t! You shouldn’t!” He’s shaking you now, choking up on his own words, chest heaving with his breaths. You shake your head, running your hands up his chest now.

“I do forgive you for it. I do. You have to forgive yourself.”

“No, I will not. I’ll hate myself for you.”

“Satoru, you’re trying. I see it. I see you.” You swipe the moisture from his cheek now, and Satoru exhales, leaning in closer, hands on your waist, pressing in, your back against the chaise now, his body hard against yours.

“How can you forgive me?”

“Because I… because I feel… I am…” You can’t say it, fuck you want to, the words choke in your throat, and Satoru notices, now you’re on your back, pressed into the firm cushion, and he’s braced on top of you, as both of your hearts pound in your chests.

“I will never let you be hurt again, even if it’s me, even if I have to remove my goddamn self from your life. I swear it to you. I will never. Not your bitch mother, not some lady I was foolish enough to lay with, no one. I will protect you as long as you stay with me.” Your eyes are so full of tears it’s difficult to see, they’re falling down hot and sticky, as he leans so close you can feel his body weight on you.

“I believe you.” You say softly, voice breaking. “I forgive you.”

“How!?”

“Because I see what’s underneath, I see who you are. Yes it still fucking hurts, yes I’m terrified, but I am… I am…”

“Scared to say it.” He murmurs, and you nod. “Then let me say it.”

“Satoru, no…”

“I’m falling deeper in love every second I breathe your air, air I do not think I even deserve to share. Every time you smile it stabs me in the goddamn heart, the broken, fucked up heart that beats just for you.”

“Don’t!” You try to stop it, to stop his words, words that will end you, but Satoru will not allow it.

“It’s the truth, it is. You do not have to say anything back, fuck I do not deserve it, do not deserve any of you. Just know it is true, that my greatest regret is making the woman I am falling in love with hurt. The one I want to make feel so fucking good every day now, the one that deserves the world, deserves more than I could ever give. But I will try, I will try everything I can-”

“Satoru.” You cut him off then, as his words wrack through you, as he’s saying things that seem surreal.

“I’m sorry, it’s too much, it’s just that you consume me, kill me-”

“Satoru.” He sighs.

“You mean to crush me between your little fingers, do it, it’s yours.” He puts your hand on his heart, you feel it pounding against your palm.

“You have to forgive yourself.”

“No. I love you too much not to hate me.” His words ruin you, the intent behind them, the intensity, words you feel too, but fuck you’re still so afraid

“Stop it. I don’t hate you, quite the opposite.” His lips part then, glossy and tempting. “I should hate you.”

“You should.”

“Just… kiss me.” He slams his lips down on yours now, taking everything you ever thought you knew and knocking it over, his lips feel so perfect as if they were always supposed to be there, like there was nothing before him, and there is nothing but him.

“I shouldn’t get to kiss you.” He says as he leans up, hand on one of your thighs, sliding up your stocking clad leg, making you tremble. “I shouldn’t get to touch you. To exist near you.”

“Well guess what, I want you to. I want you. Yes you were a fucking ass, and yes I’m terrified, but let me decide what I want.” Your voice breaks once more as he finds you, hot and eager, when weren’t you for him? He moans softly as he feels you, as your hips arch up.

“Nothing has ever felt like this.” He murmurs, sliding two fingers in your soppy little entrance, stretching you out and making you gasp, covering your mouth to hide a cry as he studies you. “No one has ever felt like this. All I am thinking of is how badly I want you to forget that anyone ever touched you, kissed you. I want it all to be me.”

“You’re insane, you know that? Mnh…” You’re arching up for more of his touch, in some Lord’s study, in the middle of a ball, but it’s what you want, you want him more than anything, your cunt greedily sucking him in, soaking his fingers.

“I want you to be mine, Duchess. All mine. Selfish and greedy, I know. But I crave it, I want it, I need it. Only mine.”

“Fuck you talk too much.” You whisper, earning his scowl, and you can’t help but giggle before he’s shoving his third finger in your pussy, making you gasp, just to the first knuckle.

“Too much? Can’t take it?” He whispers, challenging you now, and it’s your turn to glare up at him.

“Maybe I want y-you to… forget about anyone.”

He chuckles as you hear your squishing wetness, hand moving under your gown, working you so good you’re getting closer and closer. “I already have. All I can see is you, even when I close my damn eyes.” His lips hover as he shoves his fingers deeper, moaning. “Feel her pulsing around them.”

“Ngh…” You’re so close when suddenly the door knob jiggles, and you gasp, pulling away, but he gently eases his fingers out, sucking you off him, the sticky honeyed arousal, moaning. “You’re insane!”

“You enjoy it, slutty girl.” He whispers, kissing you once more, and you’re so close it hurts, throbbing now.

“I hurt, fuck.” You curse, Satoru chuckles, helping you up, smoothing out your dress now.

“Come now, let us put on our airs, and don’t wobble, they’ll know.”

“Oh fuck you!” You shove him and he snatches you up, picking you up in his arms, your feet dangling as you cling to him.

“I’ll punish this dirty mouth later.” His words excite you, goddammit, everything about him does. When you all are dancing another set later on, you are dancing with Suguru and him with Shoko, it’s almost impossible not to throw yourself at him, you try to remember how much you should hate him, and those things are always in the back of your head, but now…

Now things aren’t as they were before.

“You wound me, Duchess.” Suguru says with a pout, you look up at his handsome face and smile. “And you smile at my pain!?”

“Oh hush, you just wanted to comfort me that night.”

“I’ll let you both think that.” He shoots a wink at you, earning your blush. “How is the puppy Satoru?”

“So good! You’re coming over for dinner, yes?”

“Yes, I look forward to knowing what happened in just a few days' time. I can’t say I’m not happy though, to see him so… in love.”

“You think he truly is?”

“I know he is. But I knew that, which is why it was so baffling, to watch him go against everything he felt, and be so nasty. It’s hard for me to forget that dinner.”

“I know, Lord Geto.” You sigh, as the song ends, and he kisses your hand, his long silky hair falling over one shoulder.

“I want you both to be happy. You let me know if we need to beat him.” You laugh softly as you give him a curtsy.

“Indeed. I may need you to, you never know.” You look then, to see Lady Elaine as well as four other women all over Satoru, as he looks right at you, drinking a glass of whiskey. Suguru also looks.

“He needs your rescue, Duchess.” You roll your eyes.

“Does he?”

“He’s mouthing ‘help me’. So.” You head over now, and Satoru grins, and fuck if it doesn’t do things to you, to see him happy in these moments, to see him like this, you wonder how long you can hold it in, the joy in what Satoru said to you.

Falling in love with you.

You should question it, question him, but all you can think of is how he said it, and what you felt when he did. How deeply in your soul you feel his words, words that Nanami had said, but for some reason, you didn’t react that way. You felt that terrible Nanami felt in such a way for you, because you knew you didn’t feel close, even then you knew.

Even when Satoru was horrible, even when you’d smacked him, when you’d spit such vitriol at each other, something was there, in his touch, in his gaze, filled with hatred, and oh you did hate him then. You still hate what he did, it’s not forgotten even if you have forgiven him, it’s in the back of your head taunting you, scaring you, but it doesn’t change anything, it doesn’t change how you feel.

How you feel seeing women around him, when you had grown so accustomed, when you let it go, got used to it. Now, however, they look at you, the woman who used to be so inconsequential, Satoru has one hand in his pocket, the other holding the little crystal glass tumblr. You clear your throat now, and Satoru smirks.

“My beautiful wife.” He says, earning the pouts of most of them, they all flit away but Elaine, who scowls at you now. You simply give her a smile.

“Lady Elaine.”

“Your Grace.” She spits out, as Satoru pulls you into his arms, kissing you right in front of her, earning her mouth dropping. “Ah, so romantic, I wonder what the Ton would think if they knew the truth? That you were with another man, right in the next room, and I heard- ah!”

You have spilled a drink all over Lady Elaine’s dress now, feigning innocent shock, as Satoru struggles to hide his chuckles. “Oh dear, I am ever so clumsy I fear, so sorry Lady Elaine!”

“You little bitch, I-”

“You mean your Grace.” Satoru says between his teeth, an arm around your waist as she scowls up at him, people are gathering around, whispering, clearly having heard.

“Would you like your husband to know your indiscretions?” You whisper, right against her face, hands clenched into fists. Her eyes lower, and she shakes her head now. “You slept with my husband, I’ve done you no wrong. You have no right to threaten me, but just know, you will not scare me.”

“He said he didn’t even want you, you know that right?” You choke up then, and Satoru scowls.

“You mean when I kicked you out and said I only wanted her?” She can’t meet your eyes, huffing and turning away now.

“Toxic insane couple.” You can’t help but agree internally, as she is stomping away. You and Satoru look at each other, as the past seems to keep trying both of you. “I swear it, I told her to leave.”

“I believe you.”

“You do!?”

You smile a bit at his surprise. “I do. I remember checking on you that night…”

“I know, I was awake.” He caresses your face, peering around then, as people are murmuring about the couple so in love, and you feel the weight of their gazes upon you both. “Let us go home.”

“Home?” You say softly.

“Yes, the surprise awaits.”

“It better be a good one, all this build up.”

“I think you’ll like it, Princess.”

“The bed!? It’s…”

“Gone.” Satoru grins as he leads you into his bedchambers, a brand new four post bed in the room, it’s nothing like the other one. You hesitantly walk up to it, brand new blankets, brand new frame, brand new everything.

“You… you really did this?” You murmur, looking up at him, as he closes the door behind him, walking up to you in long strides, arms wrapping around your waist, pulling your back against him. You exhale, eyes fluttering shut at how good it feels.

“I will burn every piece of furniture in this manor if you wish me to.” He whispers in your ear. “If every piece gets me one more day with you.”

You turn in his hold, breasts heaving and rising with every labored breath, his face full of desire as you yank him down to you. “You would burn that table too?”

“I’ll burn the fucking table.” You moan then, letting his lips devour yours, his hands grip your ass, bringing his thigh between yours. “Feel that fucking heat.” He whispers, and you grind helpless, craving more, more.

“You’re still… a whore.” He smirks as he works the laces of your bodice, ribbon by ribbon.

“And you’re a slutty little Princess. Aren’t you? For me?” You cry out when your breasts spill out of your top, and he’s gripping them in his big hands, kissing you again, tongue sliding against yours, swirling in your mouth. Your tongue joins him and meets him, stroke for stroke.

“For you, against… mmm… better judgment.” He’s got your skirts on the floor, undoing your stays, your hands tremble as you slide off his jacket, unbuttoning his shirt, eyeing the marble perfection that he is, your eyes lock then, as you’re both panting, both messes, until you’re bare in front of him, and he drinks you in.

“You’re beautiful. So beautiful.”

“Stop making me fall for you. I hate it.” He pauses then, brows together, lips parted just so, as you feel yourself pouring your own goddamn heart on the floor. “I’m so scared to let you have it. What if you crush it?”

“Your heart?”

“Yes. Yes… I’m scared, Satoru. Scared to feel this.”

“Well I’m fucking terrified, Duchess.” You’re stroking him then, finding his hard length over his trousers, as he is grabbing your bare ass, moaning, kissing your lips brutally.

“Of feeling this?” You ask, weak when he’s picked you up, hoisting you onto the new bed, exhaling as he looks at you with insane eyes, shaking his head, hands slipping down your waist, your hips, thumbs pressing in.

“Of you leaving me, as you should. I can’t imagine living with it, knowing I pushed the one thing I love away.” He gulps now, and you feel it, his fear, his truth. “You don’t have to love me back, you can let me love you.”

“You’re so stupid. You’re so annoying. Why do you do this?” He sighs, a hand bracing himself up, your own fingers drift down the hard muscles of his abdomen, watching them tense under your touch.

“I cannot help but beg for you to stay with me. I’ll keep begging.” He’s found you again, your slick cunt that he’d so toyed with earlier, moaning as she responds to him, slick pouring out of you. “I’ll beg every moment for any of you.”

“Fuck you.” He kisses you now, you cling to him, back arching for more of his touches, as he kisses your neck.

“I’ll fuck you, Princess. Don’t worry.” You can’t even speak as he’s scissoring his fingers in and out of you, until you climax so hard you can’t see, gasping for breath. He’s kissing down your stomach, it’s too sweet, it’s too intimate, his eyes dilated as he looks up at you, big hands gripping your thighs. “I love your taste, I love your body, I love-”

“Fuck you.” You barely manage to say it again, he smirks against your thigh, before running his tongue up your slit, already over sensitive. You scream out, head pressing back against the pillows. “Fuck you for being so… good at that!”

“I love watching you cum.” You’re crying when he’s sucking your clit into his mouth now, a hand pressing on your tummy as he does, his tongue lavishing the underside of it with hot flicks, watching you fall apart. Your hands sink into his silky locks, pulling him closer, hips bucking up for more of him, feeling his moans vibrate your clit until he has you cumming again.

This orgasm washes through your entire body, leaving you weak, he slips up your body with kisses, it’s too sweet, it’s too much. It’s not rough and stupidly insane, he’s worshiping your body with his hands, his lips, his eyes. You feel everything about to explode as your feelings overwhelm you, especially when his hand entwines with one of yours, and your eyes meet.

“Fuck you for this.” He nods just a bit, as your free hand cups his face, the aftershocks of your orgasm wrecking your resolve. “You hit me or something, you choke me, you… call me a slut. Whatever you need, don’t do this, don’t.”

“Don’t make love to you?” He whispers, and you nod jerkily.

“I can’t take it if you do.” You gasp when he presses inside your soaking entrance, thick tip drooling precum as it slips in, and you’re trembling, panting, your nails digging into his perfect skin as he sinks into your heat. He moans as you do, hovering over you, just sitting there. “D-don’t look at me like this.”

“Like you’re beautiful? Precious? Like I love you?” Your lip trembles so much you bite it to stop it, as he gently rocks out and then inside your pussy, your walls fluttering around him.

“Yes, like that. Scowl or something.” You plead, sniffling as the tears won’t stop, but he shakes his head, pulling a thigh over his arm now, sinking deeper, gasping as his tip hits your cervix, and you’re blinded when he’s grinding on it.

“Let me love you. Please.” He begs now, bracing an arm next to your head and cupping your face as he slowly slides into you, and you feel it, your body responding, the heavy weight of him, the thickness of him inside you, his heart thrumming so wildly you feel it against your breasts.

“I’m scared.” He nods, kissing you now, pressing in again, and you both kiss as he rocks into you, as he rolls his hips just so, tip dragging on your spot, now you’re lost to him, blinded, as he lowers all your defenses.

“Then just let me say it. It’s… ah… you’re so fucking tight…” He trails off, his eyes rolling back for a moment, starting to pump into you, you’re soaking his length, clinging to him as he rocks into you, faster now, but still he’s not fucking your body. He’s fucking your mind. “I’ll only say it.”

“Shut up.” You kiss him once more, moaning into his mouth as he begins pumping his thick cock inside of you, you hear it even at his gentle pace, you hear how wet you are, mingling with your shared breaths, your cries. You get further lost in him, lost in those eyes that swirl, that glitter, those lips that kiss you, the sweat that drips off his brow onto your lips.

Satoru loses himself to you, as you lose yourself to him, as he’s making love to you in a way you never knew possible, a way that is so beautiful you can’t take it. You drown in it, drown in him, every cry and gasp and breath a part of a song, a song that is both of you, that is the undeniable fact you’ve tried to hide, to shove down, to push away at every moment.

That you…

“Feel s’good, oh my god. Tight little cunt. Fuck.” He’s cursing now, going just a little faster, you know he’s trying to keep it slow, but he’s lost in you, eyes intoxicated just like you are for him, his kisses the sweetest alcohol you could ever have, a dose of laudanum could not come close to the euphoria you feel.

“Ngh… Toru…” He moans at that, placing both of your thighs up higher, dragging your hips down and sliding his cock even deeper, so deep you can’t take it, his hand comes to your tummy now, moaning.

“Feel myself here, do you, Princess?” Satoru’s words make you blush even during sex, and he takes your hand, putting it on your tummy, you feel it then, his cock bulging your tummy.

“That’s…” You move your hand, and he tilts your chin down, to watch it as he leans up on his knees, you watch your stomach bulge as he presses in, gasping, your eyes locking with his again, before looking back down. Your cum is forming a creamy ring at the base of his cock, his long fingers sliding over your body, splaying the expanse of your waist.

“Look how deep I am. Mmm….” He’s moaning as he watches, and the intensity is so much, even more so when he finds your clit with his thumb, running in little circles on it, engorged and sensitive.

“Satoru!” You cry out, and he hisses when your walls clench him, tight like a vise, his head falling back, exposing that strong neck, before his eyes are back on you, and he’s fucking you so deep, so deep you feel him everywhere, and you’re shattering around him.

“That’s it, oh god, that’s it.” He’s trembling as he lays back on you, hand digging into your hip, pressing it down to shove in so deep you’re both screaming out together, clinging to each other. “Fuck I love you.”

“Stop it, stop it, mmm…”

“I do. I can’t stop it. I can’t stop it, fucking wanna cum in your little cunt, fill you up with my seed.”

“Satoru!” He’s moaning now, fucking quicker, harder, bringing you to the brink, fucking you right through your aftershocks.

“I won’t, I won’t… just wanna. Wanna breed you. Pretty fucking pussy. Pretty little face.”

“Goddammit.” You’re digging your nails into his back, and he just moans, eyes fluttering shut, kissing you again and again.

“Cum again, please, I’m close.” He whispers against your ear now, and you take several shaky breaths, convulsing under him as he starts fucking you hard, thrusts so goddamn good, pelvis smacking against yours over and over. “Let me feel you, my pretty little Princess.”

“N-no. Say slut or something!”

“No.”

“Fuck you so much.” He smiles just a bit, before moaning once more, slowing and thickening inside of you.

“Come on pretty, once more, can’t take her, too perfect.” You can’t anymore, you grip his face, rolling your hips up, earning his groan.

“I am falling in love with you too.” He gasps then, pausing, even as his cock is throbbing, and your cunt is soaking him, he does not move. He’s in shock, eyes looking wildly. “It doesn’t mean… I don’t… that I will… cum in me, fuck.”

“What!? You-”

“Cum in me. Please.” He groans now, pumping into you more and more, nearly sobbing with you as he kisses you, as he raises your thigh, fucking you into some other realm, like you’re floating, clinging to him to exist.

“Gonna cum in you, fill you up, hmm? You want it?” You nod eagerly against his neck as he moves, hitting that spot again with his tip. “Take it all, can you?”

“Yes, y-yes.” You manage to whisper, and now you he’s pulsing, and you feel your walls clamp down around his thickness, and he cums hard as he slams his lips on yours, his hot seed spilling into you, filling you so full. “Ah!”

“F-fuck…” He groans as you cum with him, your walls pulsing around him, his name on your lips, your name on his, his eyes never leaving yours, even as he’s lost in his own pleasure. He’s filling you with hot sticky cum, coating your walls, pumping in slowly now, letting out a shaky breath. “Painting your pretty insides. Princess…”

“Toru…” You whine as you both come down, sticky with sweat, and between your thighs his cum and yours drip down his length, a mess of arousal.

“Holy fuck I’ve never…” He shakes his head, and the weight of what you’ve both done hits you. “You truly love me? How?” He’s stroking your head, gulping, and you smile through more tears, struggling to come to, as he eases out of your pussy, a mess of fluids dripping, making you flush as you watch.

“I do not have an answer for how, only that I am falling. I’m scared that this happiness is fleeting. That this will end horribly. But I want this. Want you.” He kisses you again so deeply, moaning as his lips smack over and over, you’re shuddering at how good it feels, meeting his kiss each time, basking in how it feels.

It should be scarier, falling for Satoru.

It should terrify the fuck out of you, maybe it does.

But it also feels good. It feels good to say it finally, to put words to the things that have tortured you. “I won’t let your heart be hurt. I swear I’ll try everything.”

“I shall hold you to it.” You say, as he strokes your cheek, smiling so big, his smile makes you melt, filling your heart so full you think it will burst.

“Will you finally sleep in the bed?” He asks, and you bite your lip, nodding, then as he’s pulled you against him later that evening, wrapping an arm around your waist, you lay in Duke Gojo’s bed, with him behind you, already sleepy, already too damn comfortable. “Mmm, I never thought to have you here.”

“Satoru… you’ll do anything for me, you say?”

“Oh god… what is it?”

“I want you to get rid of the table.” You say with an evil little grin, raising your brows, Satoru laughs, shaking his head.

“I can get rid of the table. What else?” He pecks kisses on your cheek now, you sigh happily.

“That will do for now.”

“Mmm… good night, needy Princess.”

“Good night, Satoru.”

Gojo’s POV

The next morning you are the one up first, Satoru feels you brushing his hair back gently, he opens his eyes and smiles at you, you return in, blushing so pretty, your usually put together hair a mess from last night. You’re only wearing a little silk chemise, a pretty blue one that feels so soft against his bare chest, it’s nearly as soft as your skin, pressed against him.

You’re toying with his hair now, spiking it up and giggling, his thigh is between both of yours, his cock throbbing with need already, craving to be back inside of you, craving to cum in you again and again. He grabs one of your thighs now, hitching it over his, watching you bite your lower hip, your eyelids lower, desire filling your pretty eyes, mirroring his own.

He’s slipped your chemise up, grabbing your ass in his hand, his cock brushing over your slit, through thin material, which you quickly soak with your arousal. His heart races as your nails dig into his biceps, then your head falls back, he starts kissing down your neck, biting it then, hard, your skin between his teeth. Your nails dig in harder, your hips rolling as you grind against him.

Last night he’d wanted to make love to you, to show you how beautiful you are to him, how much he loves you, but of course, he loves when you’re a freaky brat too, and now he’s craving just that. He quickly turns you, to where your back is against him, the curve of your ass against his hard length, he pulls it out as he pulls your thigh high over his arms, starting to rub his tip against your folds.

“Satoru!” You cry out, voice cracking in the middle, your head falling back, he wraps his other hand around your neck, moaning as he finally kisses your lips.

“Want this cock in you, slutty brat?” He whispers, you respond so goddamn well, starting to soak him now, dripping wet and slippery as he slides more and more, pressing just a bit against your clit. His tip leaks precum on it, and you’re gasping now, so sensitive.

“Fuck you, Satoru.” He smiles against your neck, biting you again, feeling your body tense up, cunt gushing arousal all over him.

“You’re soaking fucking wet, slutty pussy.”

“Mnh…” You look back at him then, eyes dilated, lips parted, your pretty breasts rise and fall with each breath.

“Want me to break you, Princess?”

“Shut up and fuck me, Satoru.” He moans, fuck he loves your bitchy attitude, he wants to fuck it right out of you then back into you.

“No fingering? That needy?” He asks, and you whine then, reaching back and grabbing his cock, placing it at your entrance, he groans then, feeling his tip push past the tight ring of muscles, you start cumming just from that, little hole tightening, making him shiver at how good it feels.

“Oh my god. Please.” You whisper.

“So sweet suddenly? Need something?” He presses in deeper, pulling back out, earning your huff of irritation, before he shoves his cock deeper now, your walls fluttering around him, feeling so fucking good he can’t take it. “Mmm…”

“More, more… I need more.” You plead so prettily, a hand reaching back to grab at his arm as he fucks into you fully, bottoming out in your tight little cunt, stuffing you so full, cursing at how perfect you feel. You’re made for him, you must be. “Satoru!”

“Desperate, cumming and I’m not trying.” He earns your scowl back at him now, but he fucks it away quickly, tip bullying against your cervix now, thinking about busting so deep inside you, filling you up again.

“You talk too bloody much.” You say angrily, so he smirks, fucking into you harder, lifting your thigh and pounding your cunt now. You fall apart around him, moaning loudly, and he kisses your neck, fucking you through it, feeling your walls tighten.

“That’s a good little slut, so perfect. You’re made for me.” You’re shaking now, he can tell you’re sensitive, overstimulated, so he decides to torture you worse, reaching around your hip, his thumb pressing into your clit.

“F-fuck, too much!” You’re wriggling now, so he starts to thrust even harder, you’re so wet for him, soaking his hand, soaking the sheets.

“Too much, thought you could take it? ‘Fuck me Satoru!’”

“I hate you.” You turn your head to him, eyes narrowed even as they’re cock drunk on him, he grins as he gets you close again, rubbing your clit as he fucks your soaking wet little cunt, your glare turning him on as much as when you yank on his hair, dragging his lips to yours. “I can take it, you… arrogant… ah!”

“That’s it, cum like a good little whore f’me, only me.” He huffs, and then drinks your cries, as you convulse against him. Fuck you feel so good, he tenses now, as your walls try to milk him, and your eyes are rolled back, mouth lolled open, cumming on his cock all over again. “Want me to fill you up again? Make you so fuckin full of me?”

He’s pressing on your stomach, imagining you round with him, for some reason it makes him fucking feral, changing everything he’s ever known or thought. You are nodding eagerly, barely whispering his name, he grins as he realize he’s fucked your thoughts out of your head. He wants it to be him and only him there, just as you are all that’s inside his head.

You’re everything.

“Then beg for it.”

“Fuck off!”

“Beg for it, brat. Wanna have my baby?” You whine out again, taking several breaths.

“This is madness…”

“You’re madness.” He kisses you again, feeling your soft lips melding to his, as he pushes in so deep and rocks inside you.

“Please.” You whisper finally, and he moans and starts spilling inside you, coating your velvety walls with so much cum it’s insane. You seem to make him cum a ridiculous amount every fucking time. You are pulsing around him, as he’s throbbing in you, as if she wants to milk more.

“G-greedy pussy, she wants more?” He manages, eyes rolling back in his head as he slowly pushes more, you just nod, a weak little whimper.

Satoru eases out of you then, watching the mess of cum dribble out of your pussy, he reaches down and slides a finger through it, bringing it up to your mouth, and you suck it clean. You’re looking so pretty with your cheeks flushed, hairs sticking to your damp forehead, looking up at him through your lashes, and he’s lost again, lost in you.

“I’ll never let you out of this bed.” He says then, and you laugh a bit, caressing his cheek. “I’m so in love with you, evil succubus.”

“Succubus?”

“It’s a sex demon-”

“Satoru! You’re awful.” He just smirks, pressing you down on your back now, kissing down between your perfect breasts, your hips shift now, as his hands set on your little waist and you brush his hair back. “Should this feel so natural?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never felt this.” He says, sincerely, as you hold his heart in your pretty little hands, and now he knows he has yours, something he doesn’t deserve, but he craves it. Needs it, needs you, like a consuming madness that increases with every moment he breathes.

“Me either.” You whisper, easing his fears, his worries. He kisses your tummy, picturing it now, full of him, making him hard again.

“Let’s stay in bed all day. Fuck duties.” He says, and you laugh, shaking your head at him. “What, we never had a honeymoon.”

“No, we didn’t, we…”

“I was terrible.” He rests his head on your chest, loathing setting in, but you do not rub it in his face, his mistakes, you just sigh, brushing his hair back, and fuck it feels so good.

“We have things to do, lazy Duke.”

“Lazy!?”

You’re grinning as he leans up, then the servants are knocking, and he sighs, kissing you over and over. He wants to stay in this bubble, he’s so terrified of what can come between you both, especially last night. Your mother’s cruelty, Lady Elaine being a royal bitch, you both handled it, but how much of his own mess would he have to deal with?

Your POV

Another day in town, this time a much better off part of Satoru’s estates, but it still required much work as well. The villages are already much improved, you and Satoru are starting to feel so good about it all, about what you are doing together. Today you’re focusing on more fortunate people certainly, but there still are many matters you both need to attend to.

You are talking to some of the tenants as Satoru does more negotiating, when suddenly you see a tall dark haired businessman in a suit, and recognize him as the lawyer, Nanami’s friend Higuruma. You pause, blinking a bit, seeing him speaking to one of the business owners across the street, only for Nanami Kento to walk out with him.

You feel sick to your stomach when his hazel eyes catch you, knowing you have done just what he thought you would, and his lips set into a stern line as Satoru comes out of the building, pulling you against him, smiling. You cannot smile back, you’re panicking now, chest so tight, as you begin to remember, the hurt on Nanami’s face, the fucking pain you caused.

“Too long with stuffy men, need my bratty Princess.” He murmurs, kissing you gently, and it feels so good, but you know then, who’s watching. You try to pull away a bit, to explain, when suddenly Nanami is standing right in front of you both.

Satoru scowls at him, pulling his lips off you, and you look between the two men now, throat tightening even more as the panic sets in, as everything around you seems to almost spin, getting dizzy. Nanami scowls at Satoru right back, jaw clenched, his hand in a fist on his briefcase. Higuruma comes quickly, putting a hand on Nanami’s shoulder.

“Nanami…” He cautions.

“It’s you.” Satoru growls, stepping up to him now. You panic further, chest heaving as you put a hand to it.

“It’s you.” Nanami growls right back.

You look between them in horror, the man you came to when Satoru was being his most cruel, and you ended things with him, and now the man who had been so cruel, you’d woke up in his arms. You had let him cum in you, fuck you begged him to, so quickly too, as if everything Nanami said about you was true. You read the hurt all over his face, and the fury on Satoru’s.

You mutter under your breath then…

“Shit.”

This was a long one, was it too long aha? Let me know your thoughts I always appreciate hearing them!

Taglist is too many apparently lol! I'll tag the rest in comments <3 @kalopsia-flaneur @bunheadusa @7thsthings @disilluzions @antisocialinlw @Sukunassfinger @lelsforlino @heeknow @muvasuperior @prince-wyiilder @lavender-hvze @ssetsuka @labelt-san @sadmonke @philiatothephobia @ambiguouslady42 @stromynight @dreamygirli3 @jjknanamin @jazlenekasi @victoriaaaa00 @wuvnada @valleydoli @nanasukii28 @sw3etnena @dark-agate @tamaki-simp @yuuuumii @givluv2tyy

Until Next Time, Masochistic Readers

Part Twelve Here

#gojo x reader #jjk smut #gojo smut #jujustu kaisen #jjk gojo #gojo satoru #duke gojo #arranged marriage #silent serenades #gojo jjk #jujutsu gojo #satoru x reader #satoru gojo smut #satoru gojo x reader #gojo x reader smut #gojo x you #gojo x y/n

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melanchoire · 27 days ago

Note

teacher!reader calling mom!sakura because her kid isn’t doing well in her class, so she offers reader giving her kid some tutoring lessons at home, with doubt accepts, everything goes well and even the two women became friends, they are not very far from age, until one day kkura calls her to help her kid when in reality she was alone and ofc things happen

(if you can put tit play, oral and scissoring i will be blessed)

cw: nipple play titsucking, scissoring.

being a single mother is a more than difficult task for sakura because she has to take care of her little one and simultaneously work to be able to have money and and be able to live with comforts, even if they are very basic, because her salary does not allow them great expensive luxuries but they can cover basic needs and and from time to time treat himself to something really expensive… sakura has to take her son to school early in the morning and almost immediately go practically at full speed to work to avoid being late, returning home in the afternoon because she always manages to arrange for a friend or her mother to babysit her child to avoid her spending money she doesn’t have on a babysitter 🥺 sakura does her best to raise and care for her little one and give him everything she can even when it seems out of reach :( she just wants to give him all the happiness in the world even if it costs her own

but being focused on providing comfort and bringing money home means that sakura is not fully aware of how her son is doing in school, just noticing this when she receives an email from her teacher telling her that she needs to talk to her about her son and the child will carry the notification about the teacher–mother meeting in his school notebook. at first sakura thinks it’s because her son is misbehaving and bothering his classmates, but when her own baby tells her it’s because he has low grades with clear shame on her face, sakura feels embarrassed for not paying attention to her own son 😓

thank goodness sakura meets a sweet and understanding teacher instead of an old men who throws things in her face and blames her for everything 🥲 sakura is more than charmed by you because the whole time she is talking about being a single mother and only having one child you’re listening to her attentively and seeming to fully understand the situation without even giving the hint of judging her or anything like that… even when you tell her that you can tutor her son in the afternoon and even looking after him until she returns from work so she can work in peace is a great relief for her nerves, but she is quick to deny it because she doesn’t have enough money to pay for extra classes and pay you to babysit her son! but she almost cries when you tell her that there is no need for an allowance because you do all this to give the best future and education to little miyawaki :(

and sakura doesn’t know how to thank you because you don't accept even a little money or anything in return, so whenever you’re in the living room tutoring her son and helping him with his homework, she is locked in the kitchen focused on cooking snacks and making drinks for you two 💕 sakura always leaving a cup of coffee along with some bills or something baked in front of you, smiling unconsciously when you say “thank you” and give her an honest and bright smile

but she develops a crush on you because you care so much about her son and are focused on giving him everything possible touches her heart and makes her happier than ever before ☺️ sakura feels super happy when you treat her child like he is yours too…

and one day she wants to finally make a move on you, but not knowing how to properly approach you, she chooses to call you on a weekend and tell you that her son needs help with a math assignment, when her little one is spending the weekend at his grandparents’ house...

at first she tells you that her son is at a friend’s house and will be home soon, so she offers you to sit on the couch while you two wait for his “arrival” when she knows very well that won’t happen 💕

sakura ends up finding a way for you two to talk like lifelong friends, all thanks to her offering you a drink of wine to relax because she knows that your job as a toddler teacher is stressful because kids tend to be a bit irritating, and she knows that you need to relax even if it’s just a little bit, very thoughtful of her <33

but you two end up feeling a bit tipsy and that leads to you suddenly stopping talking, staring into each other’s eyes in silence and looking a bit lost, only for her to practically throw herself at you seconds later and kiss you like she is starving 😇 of course you accept because you were also somewhat attracted to her! always adoring and admiring her great efforts as a single mother who works and sacrifices everything she has to provide the best life for her son, regardless of the obstacles along the way

lazy drunk sex with sakura>>>. wrinkled clothes were discarded on the floor, grinding your pussy against hers while you can only focus on kissing like it’s the last time youl will ever do it but you’re both kind of intoxicated that it ends up being lazy and messy 😵 and sakura underneath you, squirming and whimpering as she feels your clit rub so satisfyingly against hers, wanting to move her hips against yours and try to take control but she is so tired she can barely open her eyes 🥺 for your part, you just tell her, “nu–uh, lie down there. you already make a lot of effort every day for your son, it’s time for someone to take care of you.” and lowering your head to start playing with her tits while you continue grinding against her... sakura can only moan as she feels your mouth close around one of her nipples, her hands going to your hair and massaging your scalp as she pushes your face against her chest, closing her eyes and letting her head fall onto the soft cushions of the couch as she feels how well you’re fucking her, carefree because today is the day where she stops worrying about others and in the end it’s all about her

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geralallfandoms · 9 months ago

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Hii I’m not sure if your still taking requests but if you are could you write a mark sloan x reader which involves him protecting reader from something idk is that makes sense 🫶

Hiii! Yes ofc! Hope you like it!! 🫂✨🧚

Requests are open!!

[An unlucky day]

Being a doctor has never been easy. Not only because of everything that had to be studied, the long hours of work, the mistreatment of superiors, or the poor treatment of patients...for you, the most difficult and annoying thing about all of this were the drugged or drunk patients. Most of them did not know where they were or they forgot it all the time, they did not know why they had arrived at the hospital or they deeply denied having consumed anything although their studies will confirm it.They blamed the perfumes, the chocolates that their grandmothers had given them and they didn't know they had alcohol in them, or they tried to make excuses like birthdays, weddings, New Year's Eve or Christmas.

Your 42-hour shift was about to end, there were only 4 hours left and you could return to your comfortable bed. But of course those hours would not be peaceful. It was as if the universe knew you were about to leave, that it decided to send you a bunch of patients together.

"Car crash. Two cars involved. One of the drivers was under drugs. You two, come with me." Bailey said, obviously pointing at you and another resident.

You tried not to snort too hard, you knew that if Bailey noticed, every time a case like this came up, she would call you just because she knows it bothered you.

The ambulance arrived at the same time you finished putting on your gloves. The doors opened quickly and the nurses took out a man in his 50s, unconscious, with a wound on his arm and a couple of bruises and cuts on his face. Bailey, seeing that the man was not in life-or-death conditions, pointed a finger at you, indicating that the patient was yours.

The nurses helped you take him to a more private room, just as another nurse entered.

"Thank you very much, I can so ir alone from here. Could you call Dr. Sloan? His face has a couple of bruises that I want him to see." I asked the nurse who nodded quickly and left the room next to the stretcher bearer, leaving me alone with the patient.

You began to prepare your things, turn on the machines and other things, turning your back to the patient.

And that was the worst thing that you could do.

While you were preparing the needle with tranquilizer to give it to the patient, the man had woken up. And not in the best conditions. He was under substances, in a place he didn't know, tied to a stretcher, with his entire body in pain, with a possible concussion and with someone who was about to prick his arm with something he had no idea what it was.

"Oh-" You said when you saw the he had woken up. But before you could say anything, the man let go of the stretcher and hit your hand, causing the needle to fall to the floor.

"Who the hell are you! Where I am? Let me out!" He screamed as he tried to free himself from his other restraints.

"Sir...calm please, you are in a hospital, you-"

"NO! YOU'RE LYING, YOU DAMN BITCH!" The man yelled before he could completely let go.

When you saw that the man got up from the stretcher, you took advantage of the fact that he was distracted and ran towards the door. Just as your hand had grabbed the door handle, the man grabbed your hair, pulling it back at the same time as you opened the door.

Luckily for you, when the door opened, the first thing you saw was Mark's face.

"Let me out! Let me out or I swear I'll kill them!" The man shouted in your ear as his other arm wrapped around your neck.

The nurse behind Mark quickly ran off in search of more help, as Mark's face contorted on fury.

"Let them go now! You're in a hospital, you can't do these things. Let them go now if you don't want us to call the police." Mark said with a strong voice. Although the reality was that the police would come anyway to arrest him for driving under the influence.

"T-the po-police..." The man said as he backed away. His arm was beginning to let go of you and when Mark noticed it too, he grabbed your arm quickly, pulling you away from the man.

Mark quickly put you behind him. He was much taller and bigger than you, so you had been completely hidden behind him, seeing his big back. The man started screaming again, this time running towards us. Mark was backing away with his hands at your sides, trying to protect you from the man who was trying to grab you again. But the man was able to take Mark's robe.

Seeing how the man and Mark were pulling, you ran to the table, took a needle and filled it with a tranquilizer. once Once you knew it was enough to put the patient to sleep for a few hours, you quickly injected it into his shoulder.

The man turned around quickly, hitting you in the face, causing you to fall sitting on the floor. And just as Mark was about to hit him back, hospital security ran in, arresting the patient.

Once they had him grabbed, and pulled away from the room, Mark quickly approached you, crouching down next to you.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you? What hurts? That fucking son of a bit-" He said as he watched your nose begin to bleed.

"Mark!" You shouted to interrupt him. "I'm fine, really...and you?"

"Your nose is bleeding, probably broken, and your eye is black. Don't tell me you're fine, that bastard ruined your face..." He said seriously as he took a cotton ball and put it on your nose.

"But luckily I have you to fix it, right?" I said while smiling, trying to get him to relax.

"Of course darling..."

__________________________________

I hope you enjoy it! Sorry if something is written wrong, English is not my first language! But let me know!

🫂✨🧚

#mark sloan x reader #mark sloan #greys anatomy x reader #greys anatomy #grey's anatomy x reader #derek shepherd x reader #derek shepherd #meredith grey #Mark Sloanxreader #marksloanxreader

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muletia · 1 month ago

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I would hate to kill the good vibes (no I wouldn't) but do we think this mystery island civilization perhaps had the capability to somewhat breathe underwater? Maybe for at least a little longer than the average person could (which I think is on average about ~5 minutes?)

So Optimus, the poor excited little (killer) whale he is, gets excited to show the reader the caves. And has no clue the reader can't breathe under water for so long?

Oh the poor thing!! You know he freaked out when he realized he was hurting the reader and disappeared into the caves. The reader ofc doesn't blame him. He must not have known better.

But knowing Optimus. He would 100% punish himself over accidentally hurting the reader.

Sorry/Not sorry for the angst

I was just thinking about how to work around the whole breathing underwater boundary.

I’ve come to the conclusion that mating with a Merformer can enhance human anatomy, giving them gills on their neck. And it’s all thanks to the magical properties of transfluid. You consummate your 'marriage' and poof! —now the lovesick inseparable fishes and their humans can spend even more time together in the water <3

But I also really like your idea of extended underwater breathing!!! We can apply that to the rest of the population. Humans without Merbrides or those who didn’t get freaky with their Mers yet don’t have premium underwater breathing — they can just hold their breath for much longer.

OPTIMUS MY BELOVED NOOOOO. After everything that happened, he’ll get stressed just seeing you in the water. He also bans himself from touching you until further notice. He will never let something like that happen again. You’re only diving with him after you’ve gotten your gills.

He’s also definitely going to believe he’s the worst mate in existence. That he’s unworthy of you — because what kind of good mate deliberately hurts the person he cherishes most? He suffers for weeks, even months after the incident, becoming even more overprotective just to prove to you that he can be good! You don’t understand him, but those quiet, sorrowful chirps are desperate promises begging you to one day forgive his unforgivable lack of responsibility…

#be silly #transformers x reader #merformers x reader #optimus x reader #optimus prime x reader #obsessed!optimus

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alicethenobody · 3 months ago

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A lot of people think Dante hates Patty or has a bad relationship with her and honestly I kinda blame DMC5 for this because there’s missing context for the phone call scene that’s in the novel.

Basically in the novel it’s explained the reason Dante hung up on her is because he’s very uncomfortable with the idea of going to a birthday party full of regular civilians due to bis dangerous lifestyle. He even makes it a point that he doesn’t dislike Patty but he does question why she likes hanging out with him so much. Despite his discomfort though, he says he plans to go see her anyways, presumably after the party has died down, showing he understands how much seeing him would mean to her.

Should he have maybe said this instead of hanging up? Yeah probably but maybe he assumed Patty wouldn’t take it well if he tried to explain himself, and she CAN be somewhat stubborn/insistent when it comes to getting Dante to do things. Not hating on Patty ofc, the only reason she does that with him is because she has his best interest in mind. She wants him to take care of himself and probably get out more too.

I’d actually argue Patty is one of Dante’s healthiest bonds. She’s one of the few people in his life who is IMO upfront about how much she cares about him, and her being around notably made Dante much happier as the anime went on. He went from constantly wanting to be alone unless he was needed for killing demons to regularly playing cards with Patty or taking her out for ice cream, and that change happened because of Patty simply being there. Yes, he gets annoyed with her sometimes, but only in the same way siblings often annoy each other. If anything I personally see it as a sign of how comfortable they are around each other, because from my personal experience my closest friends and I tease each other all the time. Their banter is almost always playful/comedic and I can’t name a single time he ever got genuinely angry with her. And the one time he accidentally upset her with a joke he made he felt really bad about it.

Idk I just wish their relationship stopped being so misunderstood. Patty ran into hell because she wanted to save Dante despite the danger she’d be putting herself in and started crying because she didn’t want to say goodbye to him. Ntm she regretted not being able to thank him yet for everything he’s ever done for her. I think that speaks volumes how much they mean to each other.

#dmc #devil may cry #dante #dante devil may cry #dante sparda #dmc dante #patty #patty lowell #patty lowell propaganda #dmc patty #dadte #dadte propaganda

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akascow · 4 months ago

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UGHHH the way viktor was afraid of people forgetting his accomplishments and how his memory will be short lived only for it to ACTUALLY HAPPEN is SO FUCKING HEARTBREAKING

because he was never included in the hextech credits, his name isnt as publically known and ppl will only see him as That One Guy who started a cult and tried to take over the world or smth (IF that. like do most people even know thats viktor in there or is it just another Piltover’s nameless baddie of the week to them… sad)

and the FEW people who knew him and his contribution to hextech are either just dead or probably saw him as a villain as their last memory of him, was he even worth saving in their mind??

the ONLYYYY person who understood him and loved him for who he was (other than sky ofc, who also died lmao) was taken with him in death, so viktor’s story wont even live on in honor for how he truly was and what he really stood for, bc jayce is the only one who can accurately describe him post-mortem

and people will probably think jayce (THE GOLDEN BOY, MAN OF PROGRESS in the eyes of piltover) died trying to fight him bc no one knows what their conversation was about before they went out, or how jayce was willing to sacrifice himself too because he shares blame in it all, so theyll likely just villainize viktor for that as well, 'the one who killed jayce talis- creator of hextech'

and no one is alive to mourn him :( so fucking depressing

also i dont blame jayce for 'taking all the credit' like some people do lol ive seen ppl say he was egotistical and taking it all in for himself and pushing viktor aside, but he literally always says viktor is his partner and never implies that HE ALONE developed hextech or that hes the sole creator in it all

like its always been 'OUR inventions' and 'my PARTNER' and 'WE created this' whenever jayce talks about hextech. he literally corrects viktor from "your [jayce's] hextech dream" to "our hextech dream" the very first night they partner up bc, despite knowing this man for maybe 4 hours max, he already recognizes the importance of their partnership and that hes not the sole idea-man in this project anymore

i think that whole negative idea was probably developed from jayce signing every single page in his notes,, but itd make more sense to me that he'd do that- not out of arrogance- but he might share the same fear that viktor has: in being forgotten for his work... so he signs every page making sure no one can take a piece out of context and pass it as their own years down the line, or erase the possibility that forget the origin of the creator, especially in a world where a species like yordels are seemingly immortal, names hold a lot of weight as time withers tangible things away

and im assuming jayce recognizes that the fact that being from the undercity could have easily silenced viktor's ideas and contributions in the eyes of the public, and jayce doesnt want to diminish his work towards it. two very important lines jayce hears from viktor that night are "do you think i want to spend my whole life as an assistant" and "a poor kid from the undercity, no one believed in me, i was an outcast the moment i stepped foot in piltover" and he probably took those to heart (paraphrasing those quotes bc i have the memory of a goldfish or smth)

i feel like its moreso piltover to blame (? imo) lmao they set up jayce as the golden boy, and piltover is all about names and status and wealth. they very obviously discriminate against zaunites (and viktor himself states that too) like yeah we dont see the whole process of The Man of Progress being made,, BUT viktor expresses how he doesnt want to go out in front of people in Progress Day, so jayce is very much just respecting his wishes and boundaries to not drag him up there when hes clearly uncomfortable at the thought yk?

viktor might also recognize himself that piltover will use his knowledge as a celebrity idol for people to look at rather than as an actual scientist for people to acknowledge and appreciate. he wants to be known for what he did, not a soulless face for people to gawk at. makes sense tho, irl u usually dont remember celebrity actions unless theyre negative, but you do remember scientist's accomplishments rather than what they look like

ppl bring up the hexgate blueprints at the end and how it only has Jayce's name on it as another argument and idk i feel like it has multiple things to stem off that before getting to the 'jayce took credit for everything' idea?

maybe they were changed after the whole cult incident, like viktor's name taken off, which yeah thats obviously depressing in itself. i think its more likely bc piltover wont want their whole gimmick to be associated with that incident, rather than jayce purposefully leaving viktor's name out of it... thats probably the strongest explanation imo. we gotta remember viktor is quite literally jayce's best friend- do you really think jayce would take away his best friend's accomplishments like that? lets be real yall HAHA

my own guess is that jayce was actually the sole designer in the hexgate design, and while they can share custody, maybe viktor doesnt take credit for things that werent his ? like yeah they worked on the hextech ideas together but it could be more like jayce drew up the plans and viktor helped with the science of it idk, but thatd explain why only jayce's name would be on it (in a non depressing way that kind of makes sense), bc jayce designed the hexgates specifically

maybe viktor didnt want his name on it either bc reasons i said above, tho this is unlikely to me bc he probably wouldnt want his name taken off if he was scared about legacy erasure,, but these are just theories idk

anyway i think blaming jayce for viktor's erasure is kind of - uhm -stupid because jayce has always made it his goal to not just save viktor but to include viktor every time he brings up hextech in conversation, whether it calls for his mention or not. because jayce knows drilling viktor's name association as co-contributer to hextech into the heads of other people is important, considering viktor's background, and jayce's own current social status as the golden boy: the leverage he holds when he speaks. people will listen lol

#i know people have already said this so many times but GODDDDDD #kats movie rants #arcane #jayvik #viktor arcane #jayce talis #karcane

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echolynn13 · 1 month ago

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SFTH Chaotic Highlights (OMG Is This A Joke)

Alright, I'm finally starting to make these for the longforms! These are gonna be quite a bit longer than the other two I've made, since these videos are (typically) longer and I have a lot of thoughts about them lol (edit while writing, less than halfway through the video - yeah, I have way more to say than I thought I would)

Before I even get into the video itself, I just love the bold move of having their first Youtube longform be one about nazis, let's people know the kind of humor they'll be getting from these guys lmao

Also shout out to the not insignificant number of people who fully didn't recognize AJ with hair

Luke's executive decision to grab a prop gun and just stand there like 🧍🏼

"If he was only a foot and a half taller, he would be a perfect nazi!" Still one of my favorite Luke short jokes, because if I was him I genuinely wouldn't know how to take that observation-

Not sure why Sam chose the puffy purple jacket for his villain character, but at least we get to call him Ze Blackberry now

I'd like to imagine as Sam was introducing himself, he looked over to Luke like 'oh shit right, he's still just fucking standing there, I should probably include him somehow' and to Sam that ofc meant flirting with him

Which btw is the strangest flirting attempt I've ever seen- "Beautiful little pocket-sized Aryan" and "Sexy little ferret" ?? Guys I've never flirted with anyone but I don't think he's doing it right

"Guten Abend" Luke/Hans isn't good at this flirting thing either, but at least they're both having fun

Two French brothers casually parachuting over Berlin during World War II, nothing weird about that

"Ja- yes- er, oui! I'm trilingual, I'm sorry" Idk if it's the language confusion or the fact he apologized to the nazi, but this was a great line

"The plan is working perfectly, we're making them uncomfortable. Keep it up!" Luke, who has done very little in that regard except respond to Sam: "Okay!!" *just keeps standing there*

"Hard day being a nazi?" Considering you're currently giving him a backrub and are probably about to fuck him, I'd say he's having a pretty good day

Before Luke's BAFTA winning portrayals of grief in The Evil Make-A-Wish Kid and The Grape Depression, we had AJ's sobbing in OMGITAJ

So glad this play was set mainly in France so AJ could show off his French knowledge in the best ways (skipping across the stage and singing)

Sam characteristically entering briefly as an unspecified beast that for simplicity I'm going to call a ram

Genuinely one of my favorite and most underappreciated moments in the video is Katherine assigning Luke's character a feminine name, which he clearly didn't expect, and he just takes a moment to reevaluate life, while staring at the comedically placed banana in his hand. 10/10 fantastic bit

"My husband has been captured" "You know this for sure?" "Well he didn't come home and he's a French spy so" Fair logic that was 100% correct

"I already have a husband" "Well Xavier will have to wait until he's officially dead then" rip Jean-Luc man, at least Sarah seems to genuinely love him and be loyal though, good for them

Tag yourself, I'm AJ fangirling heavy over Xavier as he walks onstage

"I could have mimed it but I did not" has and forever will live in my brain rent free, bro had no reason to do that but took the fucking opportunity

Also Sarah's friend (did she ever get a name?) is simping for Xavier more than Sarah herself, they could've just fucked instead

"I don't know the French word for mice" "C'est une souris, une souris, une souris" French lessons with AJ

I've already made a whole post about my love for pre-reveal Xavier, but jesus, can you blame me? This character is the actual reason I started being attracted to Tom in the first place, why is he so SMOOTH-

Also the fact Luke didn't even flinch when Tom tilted his chair back and just nonchalantly crossed his legs- This whole scene is perfect istg

"I'm just going to take a few pictures-" That's so real of you girl

"I am a man" Gonna start saying this in front of the mirror as affirmations in the morning, same tone and everything

Tom launching himself across the stage before he even has the chance to rebutton his shirt lol

"Look out! It's the nazi-looking guy!" Saying this about the actual nazi is so funny

Not me being genuinely kinda sad about François getting killed

Katherine getting into Sam's carriage with a pumpkin (For some reason??) and Sam pausing not once, but twice, and eventually deciding to proceed as normal and not question it

Jean-Luc: *crying because trauma* Katherine: "Aw.. If you're thirsty you could drink it!" Katherine might've earned her place as my favorite 5th SFTH member they've had

Big Hans showing up with an entirely different vibe from the last time we saw him- Maybe because he's not busy being gay with Ze Blackberry

But really, why is this nazi boy so excited about the french language while he's taking over their country

"Les coqs :D" Sir what is this energy you're putting out, it's confusing me

I like that instead of just saying something like "It's a French horse, why do I care if I kicked it" he's just like "German horses wouldn't give a shit, your horses are just weak"

"Very hairy chickens you have here" A joke they couldn't have made now-

I'd just like to point out that Big Hans didn't get shot from what I could tell, so he could technically still be alive. Idk what to do with that information, I just wanted it out there

Tom pulling his classic sexy-character move: Foot dramatically placed on chair

The cleaner just being like "what a fucking mess, god I hate my job" as if Xavier and Sarah aren't currently having a whole plot-altering revelation in the same room

Oh yeah, and this is also the moment I was very relieved Sarah was a better person than me (/hj) and didn't sleep with Xavier

Also, mostly unrelated, but Katherine's voice specifically as the cleaner reminds me of DHMIS every single time and idk why

"Are you quite finished??" "... Honestly, no"

"But who would do that? Who would do- It was me" He tried to be mysterious but Xavier really wanted credit for what he did

Sam the Ram returns! Very cool that their first video had classics of all kinds: Sam being a chaotic animal, AJ getting to be French, Tom being a sexy German, and Luke being an equally-attractive-but-not-quite-as-played-up woman

"I was tortured by two men gettig with each other next to me" "They're always doing that, the nazis" If SFTH can make nazis gay af, they truly can do anything

Why does Ram-Sam look so offended on behalf of the French after Luke's "It's in my nature" line lmaoo

"Where did you get my dildo!?" Amazing line from Luke, but really what was that thing??

And ofc Xavier dies as he lived.. Shirtless. Sexy evil bastard-

#sfth chaotic highlights #aka: i rewatch the video and say every little thing that comes to my mind #hopefully y'all like that content #sfth #shoot from the hip #sfth luke #sfth tom #sfth sam #sfth aj #oh my god is this a joke

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hana-no-seiiki · 1 year ago

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Omg the dog shapeshifter ask is amazing but like- cat. i can already imagine Tim being all over you and being one of those guys where half his personality is just that he has a cat. Dick would 120% invest in those hoodies with the pouch to carry their cats, and Jason just carries you everywhere (wiggles be danmed).

The only person who has any qualms about it is Alfred because everything is covered in cat hair lmao.

meow. more pawtastic cat villain! reader w/ batfam

@sophiethewitch1 👅

You tended to take the lead when it came to your relationships with the Robins

They were just too busy with duty and heroism that they rarely ever took the time to be or get into relationships. So you would help them, cover them in that area per se.

Though there were times, like an actual cat, that you suddenly hate their asses or be indifferent. You didn’t notice it yourself really. Sometimes you were just stressed from real life problems and whatnot

or dealing with Bruce’s constant sermons about how you were a bad influence on Jason. Blaming you for all these strung up bodies across the streets of Gotham that had been tied up with yarn and catnip.

sometimes you just wanted to reel back the persona you’ve built up as a villain and just chill out

but you see, if there’s anyone who would notice the slightest change in your demeanor it would be the batboys

Tim and Jason would be the first. They spend the most time with you.

Instead of giving them a kiss or a quick fuck after a job well done, you’d just say goodbye and leave.

Not even in your signature cat joke filled way of saying goodbye

Hell you would even just teleport out of there without a word

Tim would have most likely observed you more, but Jason? Jason would be on your ass in seconds

“Hey, kitty? We need to talk.“

Did I mention that the boys love to use various cat related nicknames for you? The cringier the better.

(Damian just calls you pussy at times)

In anycase, Jason knocks on your door. But you do not respond. Like, for a long fucken time.

Ofc, he smashed the door open.

And what does he see?

Well first it was nothing. I mean his eyes weren’t directly on the floor immediately . But then he move his gaze down,

You, in your cat form.

He just about screams. Shrieks. Like I could maintain his sense of dignity for you dear reader but nah. It started as a shout of surprise before it turned into a high pitched cry, and lastly cooing.

He’s confused at first and is worried about your sudden disappearance til you cleared things up.

Something about a curse that turns you into an actual cat at random moments.

You said it interrupted a lot of your civilian business (school, work, etc.) and so your mental health and well being took a decline.

And boy did Jason go mom mode.

He’s more on the practical side. He makes sure you’re comfortable and guarded especially when in dangerous situations.

Will never let you go on a heist with this curse on going. What if you get shot by a guard? What if you get kidnapped by those horrid animal pounds? Not to mention those perverts that would… no he shook his head.

Definitely keeps you within arms reach at all if not most times.

Tim finds out soon after. You tried to ask him to respect your privacy, but he couldn’t help himself. He was scared to death that he did something wrong or exposed something he did that breached your trust.

He immediately buys a ton of cat related products for you.

Not only that he does an extensive amount of research on cat health and diets.

His rooms gets covered by different studies on cat cellular makeup before he realizes that

Oh crap, he kinda enjoyed this.

And he hasn’t looked up how to actually cure this curse of yours.

Damian soon follows. He’s got it the worst out of all members.

Prides himself with his wide experience and knowledge with animals.

He uses visits to the vet as a threat when you misbehave.

But you’re a villain, you don’t get scared easily right? What’s the worse that could happen at the vet’s?

… yeah he almost got you neutered/spayed.

Safe to say that you were much more obedient after that.

Bruce isn’t that available or good with pets, so he mostly just funds whatever the boys do hoping that it’d lead to them not destroying stuff or killing people for you any more than before the curse.

Dick is the last to find out, and that was because Tim dropped a whole thesis about why the latter should definitely have more [Y/N]-cat-duty hours!

I mean just look at those charts! Your happiness is definitely at its highest when you’re with him

(ignoring the fact that he showers you with catnip)

Dick is definitely the

Cuteness aggression that borders on abuse type of cat owner

Very touchy with you.

And yes he invests a lot of money to get have pouches on his suits for you to be in. If not you’d be like that one cat from Spiderman Miles Morales just hanging out from a backpack of sorts, designed so you’ll never fall out.

Collars.

These men have collectively spent around hundreds of thousands of dollars on cat related shit

And you’re still wondering how tf this curse came to be

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sanesaviour · 9 days ago

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someone suggested me to draw team debrief and I liked that idea lot so here it is

I love to create bingo to every situation possible lol, what can I say, I’m very creative when it comes to stupid things

I think Nick would make bingo at least once, just for himself ofc, no one else would know, just to prove that same mistakes keeps on happening again and again… but team is slowly getting better, for example they destroy less stuff, but one thing that won’t change is that they don’t follow orders very well… every once in the while Fury just sights “they are not listening again” and Coulson answers him “they never do”

Ava would blame everyone for not following the plan only for doing exact thing later- but she would be also the one who would come up with new plan on spot which saves them all, but before she always has to yell at them, they are bit scared of her so they have to listen to her (fury should take the notes lol), also right after mission she takes notes about every mistake that everyone made, so she can discuss them during debriefing

Sam has ongoing problem with not looking and then crashing into stuff, during debrief Fury plays footages of the mistakes they made and every fucking time there is video of nova hitting wall… it’s so bad that later on during missions when they communicate and see Sam not looking ahead they just scream at him something like “less ego, more looking where you’re flying”… peter have personal collection of all videos of Sam crashing into stuff… also Sam is the one who mostly says “wasn’t my fault” during debrief

Luke is the unofficial bodyguard, he protects everyone from getting massacred by the villain and paradoxically, he is the only one who has the instinct of self-preservation, he is only one who realizes when it’s better to run than fight (he is not scared that something would happen to him but to others since they are not as bulletproof as he is), when someone decides to fight instead, he just grab them and say “the hell you are!” and carries them away

Danny is the most quiet and sneaky one during missions, if missions require it he moves like air - no sound, no trace… I also thing in beginning he used to be mostly quiet during missions but once he got used to being around others he picked up from them the way of snarky commenting on stuff that happens (sometimes adding some zen wisdoms to it) or just cracking jokes during missions in general… also when it’s undercover mission Danny is Fury’s top pick, he doesn’t like it at all but he blends in simply being quiet, calm and unmemorable, being just “another background guy”

Peter comments on everything all the time, he improvises, he doesn’t follows the plan, nearly always goes solo and is usually the reason why mission unravels but also the reason why it ends with win… later he slowly becomes better leader, he knows what are teams strong parts and how to use them in their advantage during fight… and if someone of the team is in danger, he throws himself into fire first, always, no second thought, just go

Even if they all are on good terms, the debrief always ends in very heated exchange of opinions, they all are very stubborn teenagers after all

#ultimate spider man #ultimate spiderman 2012 #usm #ultimate spiderman #marvel #spiderman #peter parker #white tiger #ava ayala #iron fist #danny rand #powerman #luke cage #nick fury #sketch #comic #fanart #my art

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yourlittlebunnyy · 8 months ago

Text

try again -tamlin x reader

masterlist

summary: after a fight in the Night Court, Y/n seek refuge in the Spring Court where she finds a old lover again.

warnings: ofc none

w/c: 5k

enjoy🎀

"Are you telling me you want Feyre to destroy an entire Court-of allies against Hybern, dammit-just because of a love affair gone wrong?"

Right now you don't care much about the consequences your words will cause you, and you certainly don't care that you are raising your voice to the High Lord of the Court of Night. Rhysand merely stares at you with glacial violet eyes, his stern face painted with total indifference. Here is the one you hate: not your friend, but the High Lord. The one who reserves glances of superiority for you and makes you feel stupid every time you open your mouth. But it is not he who answers you, but rather Cassian, always the first to put Rhysand before everyone, before even himself.

"Speak more respectfully to your High Lady." You cannot stop your face from contorting into a grin. The concept of High Lady was invented by Rhysand and has no real value, you think, now they're going to resent Tamlin for that too? Besides the fact that Feyre has no political experience, hell, she wasn't even a Fae until recently, how do they expect her to lead a Court?

Mor, as usual interested in putting straw on the fire, speaks in a honeyed voice, "Are you still pining for Tamlin, Y/n? We thought that time was over." You feel your cheeks go flaming with anger. You want to respond, but Azriel, always the pacifist in the countless confrontations you've had with your friends, gets in the way. The blonde doesn't seem to relent even when the winged male tells her to stop, and your face shifts to Rhysand, who sits in his study chair settling more comfortably on the backrest, enjoying the show. There's no point in arguing, you think. You roll your eyes, and under everyone's gaze but without saying a word, you leave the room.

You love your family, but sometimes they really seem dumber than a goat. You are not a High Lady, no, and certainly your job does not include ruling a Court, but you know perfectly well too that whatever Feyre is doing is wrong. But you don't blame her: Rhysand can be persuasive, and probably the destruction of the Spring Court was more his idea than the Feyre's, he's still attached to events that happened five centuries ago.

You just don't understand, given the delicate period Prythian is going through, why tear down an entire Court. One more ally against Hybern. And above all, mixing politics and personal conflicts? Never a good idea. Not to mention Mor, and Rhysand's attitude. And... everything. You are tired, and with a sigh you walk out of the huge building and down the main street of Velaris, taking more time to think. Normally you would have winnoved in your apartment on the edge of town, but you feel the need to blow off some steam.

Too bad your little walk doesn't help, in fact. Seeing people so carefree and naive makes you see red, because they have that chance, and the rest of the Night Court doesn't. You've always tried to push the issue, trying to get as many women and children into Velaris as possible, but Rhysand has always been very firm about the rules. Slowly you realize that maybe they are not friends, or even family, as you allowed yourself to call them years ago. You don't share their choices, their ways, their governance. You don't share any thoughts. But you are stuck. Where could you possibly go?

You arrive home and the first thing you do is undress and prepare a hot bath. Once you are done, with only a towel you head into the small kitchen, determined to make yourself some tea and take a tonic to sleep, exhausted from this day.

At your table you find Azriel. That's right, you had forgotten that you now share an apartment with him. You greet him by calling his name, and he looks at you curiously, almost worriedly.

"Are you okay?" He asks, and you're not quite sure how to answer. Normally you are not so unhappy, but today's fight hit you hard. It has opened your eyes. Feyre, here for so little, is already more important than you. Not to mention how they make you feel inadequate and stupid, as if your opinion doesn't count for anything. You don't respond, not trusting your voice, and simply shrug. Azriel gets up and takes the tea-making supplies from your hands.

"I'll do it." He says kindly, and you murmur a thank you, and decide to get dressed in the meantime. When you return from your room, tea is poured into a steaming mug on the table.

"Two teaspoons of sugar, just the way you like it." This brings a smile back to your face, and you begin to sip the sweet liquid careful not to burn your tongue. "You can tell me what's going on, you know."

You think about it for a while before answering, but eventually decide that you have nothing to lose. "I don't want to be here anymore." Azriel looks at you surprised.

"Do you mean... in this apartment, or...?"

"No. I want to leave the Night Court. I don't want to work for Rhysand anymore, I'm exhausted." You sigh, and tears sting your eyes. Azriel looks at you sympathetically.

"Don't you feel at home anymore?" You shake your head, and are glad you confided in him. If anyone can understand you, it is certainly Azriel. He nods, silence takes over, and the only sound is the jarring sound of a teaspoon used to stir the tea, hoping to cool it slightly.

"Maybe you should leave, then." He says simply, his tone serene. You did not expect such a reaction, but you are grateful for it. A bitter laugh shakes your shoulders. "And where?"

Azriel shrugs. "Everywhere. Anywhere you want." I suppress his words by really considering it.

"What about Rhysand?"

"I could... help you." He says finally, and his words mean so much to you right now.

"Would you really do that?" He merely nods. "I ... thank you."

Not long after, the tea now cold and the cookies you kept inside the drawer now gone, the plan is decided. You will contact an old friend at the Spring Court, and ask her for refuge.

Azriel will accompany you to the edge of the Spring Court, helping you carry your things and offering emotional support.

"Are you sure this is the right choice? Feyre..." You nip his speech in the bud with a hand gesture. You've thought long and hard about where to go. But you have no contacts besides this friend in other Courts, and despite your history with Tamlin... you can do it.

"I'll come and see you, you know."

"I hope so."

"Will I ever know what happened between you and him?"

The question leaves you speechless, your body stiffens and you freeze for a moment, but you are quick to recover. You take a deep breath before speaking again.

"We loved each other. But then... Amarantha came and..." You don't say more than that, you don't explain further, but Azriel understands and doesn't ask questions.

"So...we'll see each other, yes?"

"Sure. I'm counting on it, Az." And with a final hug, you turn and enter the Court of Spring without looking back.

The first few weeks proceed slowly, but positively. You get up in the morning when the sun is already high in the sky, a warm breeze caressing your legs as you step out onto the small balcony with hot tea warming your hands. Your friend had to leave shortly after your arrival, and she will be back in who knows how long, leaving her home all to yourself. By now you have built a routine: you wake up and sip the sweet drink, you read until lunch, you cook, and in the afternoon you take care of chores. But your favorite activity so far has definitely been going to the local market. It is so different from how you remember.... And yet so much the same. The air of fear you felt because of Amarantha has ceased, though a small trickle of it remains because of Hybern. The stalls overflow with fruits and vegetables of all kinds, colors and scents. It makes you smile with familiarity every time you pass by.

Today you woke up determined to make some treats, but you are missing some ingredients, forcing you to go to the market. You quickly slip into one of your friend's clothes, and grab a picnic basket on your way out the door smiling. There is no doubt that you are happier now.

"Hi, honey! What can I get you today?" Alyna, a delightful female with whom you have bonded a lot these past weeks, greets you cheerfully.

"Hey, Aly! Um, could you make a mix of all the fruit?" You ask quietly, and the fae is quick to give you whatever you need. You admire the way she fiddles with her hands, but at the same time she's conversing with you-she's really good at everything, you think.

"So how are you finding yourself?"

"Great, really great. I'm really happy with my choice." She smiles at you as she helps you arrange the food in the basket. "I'm glad about that. Come see me for tea once in a while!"

"Of course, how much do I owe you?"

"Oh, dear, but don't worry!" After further insistence, she allows you to leave her a couple of gold coins. Much more than she actually needs, but she deserves it.

You opt to take another tour of the stalls before heading home. One in particular catches your eye, the colorful clothes too beautiful not to be admired. You are so busy running the pink fabric under your fingertips that you hardly recognize the voice next to you. Your body seems to do so before you even realize who the male next to you is. But then it's clear as day: the crisp, rainy, earthy scent, so unique and delicious.The blond hair and the broad warrior shoulders. It hasn't changed one bit. Your whole body is stiff, but you take a deep breath. You prepared for this moment; you knew you would see him again sooner or later.

Things between you and Tamlin did not end badly, but neither did they end well. It wasn't even a relationship you had: you barely had time to get to know each other and fall in love before Amarantha yanked him away from you. You suffered a long time for something that never even happened. But you know there won't be another chance like that: Tamlin has loved, no-loves Feyre with all of himself. He has moved on. And so have you, of course. But he will forever remain a crack in your heart.

The merchant's voice brings you back to reality. "Miss, are you interested in the dress?" You look at her wide-eyed, confused.

"Excuse me?" The sound of your voice makes the male, who has remained unaware of your presence until now, turn around.

"I was asking if you were interested in the dress."

"Y/n?"

"I, um. No, thank you. Sorry for wasting your time." Your tone is confused, you feel Tamlin's gaze burning your skin as he approaches. You feel his presence all over you.

"Don't worry, dear." The merchant walks away, leaving you alone with him.

"Y/n... what are you doing here?" For the first time in fifty years you allow yourself to look into his eyes, and it's as if the world is falling apart and rebuilding at the same time.

"Tamlin..." Tears wet your eyes as you try to show strength in front of the male you loved so strongly before. And who has now lost his mind for another female.

"What are you doing here?" The anger in his face, in his voice makes you take a step back.

"I-I ran away. I didn't fit in, and an old friend offered me to stay with her here." He lets out an annoyed snort.

"Of course, they didn't send you, did they?"

"No. I--there's something you need to know, Tamlin, about Feyre. I'm not in the habit of getting involved in matters that I don't-" He doesn't even let you finish the sentence.

"Feyre and I are just fine, and I won't let your Court get in the way one more time."

"No-"

"No, Y/n. You made your choice half a century ago when you chose him over me. Now I am making my choice. You better get out of my Court, you are no longer welcome."

And so, as he came so suddenly, he goes away, leaving you standing there like a fool. You compose yourself as best as you can and set out on your way home, tears flowing freely down your cheeks in the meantime.

You didn't bake anymore. As soon as you returned, you took a hot bath and a sleeping tonic, which has now become your trusted go-to solution. You woke up a few hours later, in the middle of the night, the effect of the tonic wearing off. Thoughts invaded your head, and it was only after hours of tossing and turning in bed and the sun coming up by now that you decided to write a letter to him. You get up and grab a pen and paper, your hands trembling with excitement. You cannot let Feyre find out about this, or your whole plan will be blown. You wish you had Azriel by your side to give you advice.

Dear Tamlin,

I apologize for making such an impetuous introduction to your Court, and especially without official notice. I wanted to let you know that I no longer work for the Night Court and have left of my own free will, but I have some important things to discuss with you, and they concern the security of your Court. I hope you can understand, and I hope to see you soon so we can talk about it. In case this does not happen, I hope to get you permission to reside in your territory, and I warn you not to trust those close to you.

Best regards,

Yours, Y/n.

With a sigh you close the letter and don't even wait for the sun to fully rise: you leave the house with a light cloak to cover you from the cool breeze and take the letter to the nearest village messenger.

The reply comes sooner than expected. It is simple and informal, and you sincerely hope that everything has gone according to plan and that it is not a trap set by Feyre, or worse, Rhysand himself.

Meet me at the market this afternoon after lunch.

Tamlin.

You reread the small sheet of paper a hundred times before getting ready. A way of nostalgia invades your senses one by one, but you chase it away violently. You don't have time for this. You must help him save himself and save his own court before it is too late.

"Y/n?" Tamlin notices you first as you wait for him at the same stall as last time. You turn quickly, so fast that you lose your balance and risk falling, but the male has quick reflexes and catches you before that can happen.

"You haven't changed a bit." His wry comment lightens the air around you, but it weighs down the burden in your chest that you feel. However, you do not give it away. You are here for a very specific reason, and you don't even know how much time you have left. You cannot be distracted by events that happened years and years ago.

"Tamlin." You greet him. "I'm here to warn you." You don't reveal everything right away; you're still trying to figure out if he would be willing to believe you or not. You know it's not easy for him. His expression turns cloudy, but he invites you to continue. You send down a knot in your throat before you speak again.

"It's about Feyre. I-I know it's hard to believe, but she didn't come back to you. Rhysand appointed her as High Lady, and you let her into your territory as a spy for the Night Court. She will destroy you, you can't-. you can't-we can't afford that in a time of war." You talk so fast that you stumble over the words occasionally, not stopping to breathe even once. Tamlin is almost tempted to invite you to breathe and explain more calmly, but your words cloud his eyes with anger.

"You... you-" He cannot even find the words to tell you after such a revelation.

"No, you have to believe me. Maybe-let me show you." Your tone is almost pleading, and at this point there would be no point in denying it to you. Tamlin knows you: you may have chosen him fifty years ago, but you have never been a liar.

You show him everything you can. It's been a long time since you've entered his mind, and the feeling is so familiar that your heart tightens. You focus on what you have to show him, and you don't think about it. After what seems like hours, you get to the last fight that happened with Rhysand, and when you get out of his mind his posture is slumped, tired, exhausted. You feel sorry for him, just as Mor had said, and you feel sorry for everything he seems to be feeling right now.

"Is he really ... so much better than me?" He finally asks, and it's not what you expected. You want to hug him, to tell him that no, absolutely not, never, never could Rhysand be, but you hold back.

"No." You just say, searching his eyes with yours, but not finding them. His face is low, probably trying to hide what look like ... tears, from the people in his Court. "Tamlin..."

"No, no...it's all right. I'll send her away now, you can stay as long as you like." The answer should make you happy, but it doesn't. His tone is so pained that you yourself begin to cry. You find it very ironic, how you are crying for him but he is probably crying for another female.

He leaves without saying a word to you. Just like last time.

Months go by. The war against Hybern has been fought and you haven't seen Tamlin once again. You have not taken part in the fighting despite your training. You do not feel like seeing such death. But you know that the Spring Court did, and it was also thanks to them that Prythian won against Hybern.

Azriel has visited you a handful of times since then, and he has always been very apprehensive and kind to you. No one yet knows where you ended up, and you will never be more grateful to anyone than him for keeping quiet.

Your dear friend has also returned, and together with her you have managed to find a small apartment in the nearest village, allowing you to take more part in the social side of your life.

It feels strange to return to the market once the war is over. A feeling of peace and total relaxation fills the air and feels surreal to you. You are not used to it, but you welcome it with open arms.

"Hey, honey, how are you?" Alyna, who has become one of the closest friends you have, asks you.

"It's such a nice day today, it's better than usual, or is it not?" You say lightheartedly, a big smile makes its way onto your face. Not just because of the war, you realize. You've finally managed to build a life for yourself away from the people who were giving you misery. Only one small question mark remains in your life, and that is Tamlin, but you realize there is not much you can do about it. You wonder why you still can't get over him after all this time. Is it the same for him, too? Surely not. Surely he will feel what you are feeling now, but for another female. The thought alone is capable of hurting you, but you drive it away, focusing on the figure in front of you.

"Yes, finally the burden of war no longer hangs over Prythian, I would say. Would you like some coffee?" And how could you say no.

When you get home in front of your door you find a letter. It comes from the Court, but it is not Tamlin's handwriting. It is an invitation, you realize when you open it, you have been invited to a formal ball to celebrate the end of the war.

You are delighted, this makes you a citizen in your own right, but you are also weirded out. From the invitation it appears to be a formal ball, and although you were an emissary long ago, at the Spring Court you are nothing more than a simple peasant girl, who like everyone else gets her food from what she produces, why would you attend such an event? More importantly, will the Night Court participate?

You put the countless doubts to rest with a bath and a sleeping tonic.

The next morning, you head to the village with one goal firmly set in your mind: you need an elegant and appropriate outfit for the Spring Court. All the formal dresses you own clearly belong to the Night Court, and although they are beautiful and elegant, by the time you have tried one on you have realized that you would not be comfortable. And also, if others will be present you want to show them that you are now no longer part of their Court. That this is your home, and you are happier than ever.

You walk into an old weaver's store that you've been to a couple of times before and you've always been comfortable.

"Y/n! What a pleasure to have you here, what would you need?" The female greets you warmly as always, and you reciprocate with equal affection.

"I would need a dress for a dance. Something simple but nice." The Fae squares your figure with watchful eyes, and you can almost see the wheels turning behind her eyes.

"Try this on."

After a whole afternoon spent inside her cuddly little store, and no less than three delightful new dresses, you finally manage to get home. It seems almost out of place to have three such exquisite and expensive dresses in your hands in such a tiny, bare apartment, but you were unable to say no in front of such beauty, such art expressed in fabric. You go to sleep with still a broad smile on your lips, perhaps in spite of everything you would not have minded going back to the court events.

The next day you wake up and instead of your usual reading, you do household chores, since you were supposed to be in the Spring Palace in the evening.

You gather fresh eggs and feed the animals, pick various fruits from the trees, and finally take a nice refreshing bath. You spend the afternoon getting ready, and just as the sun is about to set, you transmute in front of the Palace.

The feeling that overtakes you is ... it makes your stomach clench in agitation. It has been more than fifty years since you set foot in its home, but it has not changed one bit. The gardens are immense and full of sweetly and delicately scented flowers, the hallways are filled with gold and riches on every side. A Fae you don't recognize at the entrance to the ballroom asks you for an invitation, and you cheerfully hand it to him.

You don't immediately feel comfortable when you enter, and you make your eyes roam all over the room looking for the familiar figures of the Night Court, but you meet no one. In fact, no one from other Courts seems to be present. Your eyes wander again and again, until they meet those of a tall, relaxed-faced male. Tamlin. He sips an amber liquid from a gold-decorated glass as he talks happily with Lucien. Oh, how you've missed him, too.

When he notices you, he seems to take his leave and you stare at him as he crosses the entire room to join you. Your heart beats so fast that you are sure he can hear it as he gives you a slight bow and takes your hand, laying a gentle kiss on your knuckles. He leaves you the spot where he placed his lips almost thrilling.

"Y/n, you are stunning." He says, smiling gently at you, and the way he acts confuses you a little. You don't want to be anyone's spare tire. But at the same time, it ... it's all so much the same, it's as if 50 years had never passed. You've been hoping Tamlin would compliment you, after all the effort you put into fixing your hair, face and dress, and now that he does -- you're confused.

"Thank you, Tamlin. To what do I owe your invitation?" You decide to be direct.

"That's exactly what I wanted to talk about." He moves causing you to step forward in front of him, lays a warm hand on your uncovered back, and guides you to the banquet full of treats, away from the center of the room. "Help yourself." You don't serve yourself, despite all that food being extremely tempting, but instead you wait for him to speak. He sighs. "I wanted to thank you. For your warning. If she had carried out her plan-I don't even know if this Court would have stood."

"Of course, Tamlin. From my side I wanted to ... apologize." No apology was planned, but you owe him one.

He shrugs, dismissing the question with his hand.

"That's okay, I hope now that it's all over ... we can keep in touch. If you'd like to come to these kinds of events." You don't answer, but your smile speaks for you. You don't dance together, but it's the beginning of something wonderful, something that already happened a long time ago.

After almost a month, another invitation arrives. It is a dance where the other Seasonal Courts are also invited, so it will be even more exclusive, fortunately you still have two more dresses and most importantly, there will be no Night Court.

You quiver and are even more agitated than last time, you feel like a little novice girl. You avoid drinking any more coffee in the morning, not wanting to increase your nerves even more than they already are. You again spend the whole afternoon getting ready and transmute once more in front of his palace, the honeyed scent of flowers welcoming you just as you remembered. Your heart begins to beat wildly. You enter the hall and your eyes automatically land on Tamlin. You missed him, you realize.

"Y/n! Good to see you." The blond-haired male once again makes his way to join you. "You look as lovely as ever." His eyes burn on your figure, bolder than last time. He hands you a colorful drink and you gladly accept it.

"You look lovely too, Tamlin." You sip the pink liquid in the glass, a sweet and sour taste invades your mouth. "It's delicious, what is it?" You ask charmed. The male chuckles.

"Something new from the kitchen, but I don't know what it is either." He seems to hesitate a bit, but finally speaks, his cheeks slightly flushed. "Do you want to dance?"

Your knees almost buckle. "My pleasure." You say all too quickly. He holds out a hand to you, and after placing the glasses on a nearby table, you direct me to the middle of the dance floor, all eyes on you.

You dance in silence all evening. One dance turns into two, then three, and then into a whole night. When the music ends by now there are only a few people left, you are sweaty and out of breath, but you are happy. As happy as you've ever been. Deep laughter shakes your body, finally infecting Tamlin as well.

"I haven't danced in a long time." You say once you've calmed down, almost as justification for your behavior.Tamlin merely smiles at you. You head to the banquet and he hands you a large glass of water, and you are eternally grateful. You drink it down in one gulp.

"So...see you, Y/n?" He asks you uncertainly. You nod smilingly.

Only a handful of days pass when a letter arrives. But it's not a formal invitation, no. You recognize Tamlin's handwriting and can still smell him in the air. Has he been here? You quickly return and toss the basket full of crops at the doorway, eager to open the envelope with trembling hands.

Dear Y/n,

I would have liked to tell you in person, but I couldn't find you at home. I hope it's okay to have asked your friend for your address. Be ready tonight after dinner.

Yours, Tamlin.

Your body freezes before rejoicing in laughter coming from your heart. You get right down to business: do your usual routine, bath, hair, and finally your dress. You don't wear an elegant one, but a simple, typical Spring Court dress that Alyna gave you. You do sweet braids and don't wear makeup, but use your favorite perfume. Your favorite perfume. Someone knocks on the door at dusk, and it only takes a few moments for you to open it.

"Hey, Y/n." His eyes linger all over your body, he runs his tongue over his lips, and you can't help but stare.

"Hi." You greet him simply, a shy smile on your lips and slightly rosy cheeks. It's a date, you realize.

"Thank you for accepting."

"Did I have a choice?" He chuckles, then shakes his head.

"Of course you did. But I wanted to take you somewhere." He smiles at you. He holds out his hand and you grasp it, one moment you are in the doorway of your apartment, the next you are on a meadow covered with pale flowers and a cool stream. You look around in wonder. You had missed these places, so much that you didn't even realize it.

"It's... it's gorgeous." You comment in amazement. He nods, the stars reflected in his eyes giving him a poetic air. You would like to touch him now more than ever.

"I would have liked to have had more time, with you." He says after what seems like an eternity spent staring at you and nothing else. You nod, step forward, and he does the same. The warm breeze ruffles your hair, and you make to raise a hand and fix it, but he is quicker and moves a strand behind your ear. Just as he did one night long ago, and countless other times.

"Tamlin..." He shushes you with a kiss. It is sudden and leaves you breathless. It takes you a couple of seconds to recover and reciprocate with as much passion, as much feeling. You both pull away reluctantly, your breath heavy and your cheeks flushed. You can feel her heart beating incessantly, in the same rhythm as yours.

"I've been wanting to do this ever since I saw you again." He says and makes you chuckle, because it was exactly the same for you. "I've missed you."

"I missed you, too. So much." You answer and kiss him again. And again, again, again.

You have been denied for fifty years and now you don't have enough, you want to take back the time you lost. You must eventually break away one more time, making you moan in frustration.

"Let's try again." He says with his lips still resting on yours, your breaths mingling together.

"Let's try again."

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