#who i'm stuck with until august

[lovelettersfrommai]

oh please, please, please go into heavy detail about tapping joaquín out at his graduation, i neeeed it 🙏🙏

Well...since you asked so nicely!

Tapping Joaquín out at his BMT Graduation :)

Pairing: Joaquín Torres x fem! reader

A/N: I know that Top Gun is the Navy, therefore this gif isn't accurate. I doubt y'all give a shit whether or not my military accuracy is the greatest, but I do kinda know what i'm talking about LOL (I have a couple family members in the airforce). Also, I was gonna do headcanons and then it spiraled into this...let me know if it's okay.

Word Count: 1,157

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to anything Marvel related, I am merely a nerd who hyperfixates a lot. I also had to make up / guesstimate a timeline since it's not to clear as to what age Joaquín is supposed to be, just that he survived the blip.

Warnings !: Mentions of taking place during the blip (only a warning because reader doesn't have any family members who survived it.)

Your flight was late last night. You would’ve been there yesterday, but due to an unfortunate series of flight delays and cancellations, you had been stuck in Miami longer than anticipated.

Luckily, Joaquín’s mother and abuela had gotten in just fine, so they were able to spend the day with him, watching the morning run and his coin ceremony. Joaquín had eagerly sent over pictures as soon as he got his phone back, the three of them at the Alamo, and at various locations around San Antonio. Your heart banged with sadness at the notion of not being able to be there, but ever the gentleman, he reassured you that it wasn’t your fault. 

Now here you were again, early in the morning at the Lackland Air force base with his mother and abuela, just waiting for the graduation to start. You had driven them onto base, seeing as neither of them had a military ID, but you were happy to do it. Your leg was anxiously bouncing on the metal bleachers. His mom tells you how yesterday at his ceremony he was awarded as the best BMT graduate. It surprises you since he hadn’t mentioned it in any of the letters he wrote to you, but the more you think about it, that is exactly something that he would do. There’s a cool breeze blowing at your hair, despite it being August, and the sun is slowly rising. Joaquín’s mother, Esperanza, gently lays her hand on your knee. 

“Cálmate, Mija. It’ll be okay.” She gently rubs circles onto your skin, hoping to soothe whatever nerves you may have. You put your hand over hers, squeezing it gently. Ever since you lost your family members in the blip, Joaquín’s family had 

“I know, Mamá. It’s just…we haven’t been separated since we started dating. What if he spent this time away and he realizes this isn’t what he wanted-“ She gently smacks your arm, making you let out a small yelp. 

“Hey. He’s your husband. We spent the entire day with him yesterday, and he wouldn’t stop talking about you, Mija. I think it’s safe to say that the two months that you two were separated didn’t impact the way he thinks about you.” You sigh as you rub at your, now slightly sore, upper arm. You know she’s right. Joaquín had only ever shown interest in you since you officially started dating all those years ago, but the insecurity that bloomed in your stomach couldn’t be helped. 

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be thinking that way…He’s a good man, Mamá.” Esperanza nods in agreement. 

“And if he wasn’t, I’d smack him too. He knows better.” That makes you chuckle. 

“I missed him. A lot.” You feel your eyes sting with tears at the thought. She squeezes your hand gently. It doesn’t help that you know this isn’t the end. He still has to go to tech school, and do more training until he can finally do Recon like he set out to do. 

“You’re gonna see him today. I know it’s just the beginning, but you two have something…I can’t even describe. It’s stronger than any distance.” His mother says gently. His Abuela chimes in a bit, speaking Spanish. You only really know bits and pieces, having a high school speaking level. You recognize the words, Love. Eyes. Esperanza translates for you. 

“There’s an old proverb. It means ‘Love is shown through the eyes.’ Mamá is saying that she knows you two will get through it because she’s seen the way Quíno looks at you…and I agree.”  You wipe your eyes. 

“You’re right. We’ll be fine.” You turn to grab his Abuela’s hand, squeezing it gently. 

“Gracias, Abuelita.” 

~

The ceremony starts, and the three of you keep an eye out for Joaquín, though it is a little bit hard with everyone having the exact same uniform and haircut. It takes a little time but you do see him, somewhere in the middle of the pack of graduates. His face is neutral as he marches past, looking straight in front of him. He walks perfectly in sync with his fellow airmen.

As it wraps up, and all the graduates stand in their blues under the blazing Texas sun, You guide his Abuela, making sure she’s stable on the grass field as the three of you search for your husband in the sea of soldiers once again. 

The time comes when you finally lay eyes on him again. He’s standing right there, just a few feet away, his arms tucked behind his back the way that he was taught to do. His gaze is forward, and he doesn’t even fidget, a stark contrast from the Joaquín you last saw two months ago. His mom pushes you closer towards him.

“Go, Mija. Tap him out.” You whip your head around to look at her, shaking your head. 

“But-“ You're cut off by the wave of her hand.

“We got to do it yesterday. I think Quíno would like his wife now.” She takes Abuela’s hand to support her instead. They both usher you towards him, falling not too far behind.

It’s not long before you meet face to face. His gaze is forward but distinctly not on you, rather past you. You understand the rules. He’s not allowed to move from this position until you touch him. Your eyes can’t help but water at the sight of him, and even though you want nothing more than to touch him, you resist. 

“Joaquín…I am so proud of you. I missed you so much. I know it was hard to be away from us, but you’re just so strong. You’re stubborn, and just so so good. This is what you wanted, and I'm just glad I could be here to support you…” You watch as tears stream down his face, but he makes no move to wipe at them. The discipline and strength that he’s gained over these eight weeks is reflective in the way he’s holding himself now.

“I love you so much.” With that, you wrap your arms around him, effectively tapping him out. He immediately returns the embrace. You feel his tears drop against the crook of your neck as he holds you close. You press a kiss to his cheek, and he immediately pulls away so he can kiss you on the lips. It’s passionate, and comforting and it communicates exactly what he wants to say: ‘I missed you too.’ 

His mother and abuela not so subtly snap pictures of the two of you, but you really don’t even notice. All you can focus on is him. You wipe at his face, chuckling at his emotional reaction. It rubs off on him too, he chuckles and removes your hands from his face, pressing kisses to your knuckles.

“I love you too.” He whispers the words, and presses a kiss to your temple.

A/N: Feel free to leave comments and critiques. I'm always open to feedback !

[cosmicclearwater]

Give Him Time | E. Call

• ──────────────☾────────────── •

Genre: fluff Character: Embry Call x Reader Word Count: 6.5k Warnings: cursing, kissing/making out, use of Y/N Summary: Embry tries to keep his distance but gives up when he realizes that he no longer has a choice. Requested: Yes (from anon: "embry x reader he imprints on reader who just moved to forks (no relationship with bella or anyone in the books she jus moved thered with her family) and he imprints when shes at a bonfire on la push beach. he is around with a couple other pack members and he’s supposed to jus keep watch and he takes a while to build a relationship w her") Note: characters are aged up (around 20).

a/n: kinda hate this, but it's been ages since I've posted, and this has been sitting in my drafts for a while.

• ──────────────☾────────────── •

One week. I've been in Forks for one week and I've already been roped into attending some kind of late-night social gathering at a beach in La Push by a group of friends I met while working at the local grocery store in town. That would probably be exciting for most people, especially if they're new in town and know absolutely no one, but I don't see it that way. I would much rather be hiding away in my room, curled up under my weighted blanket with a good book and a hot cup of tea, not freezing my ass off at a bonfire on the beach surrounded by strangers. Despite it being late August and technically still summer, the nights are significantly cooler than the days, which aren't very hot themselves. Thankfully it's not raining out. I would have turned down the offer to come had it been anyone other than the sweet, kind-hearted Angela who'd asked. But since I didn't, I'm stuck listening to the annoying, air-headed Mike Newton go on an over-exaggerated tangent about the time got caught sleeping in his math class in high school and received detention for it.

As I try my best to be attentive, I can't help but let my eyes drift around the large group of people that surround the area. It was only supposed to be a small gathering, and that's how it started out, but as it gets later, more and more people show up. I sigh, continuing to scan the crowd until my eyes land on a small group of guys standing nearby. Just by their appearance, I know who they are. Jessica made sure to inform me prior to arriving about the "weird" reservation kids who act like they run the area and would probably show up to stand watch like guard dogs. She and her friends had a lot to say about the four guys, none of it being particularly nice. I don't see the problem, though, because they have kept to themselves the whole time. They speak when spoken to, but other than that, they keep conversation amongst themselves. I find myself intrigued by the reserved strangers.

My gaze lingers a little too long because one of them looks up and our eyes lock. Instantly, a shiver runs down my spine, a sudden rush of warmth replacing the coldness I'm feeling. Something about him draws me in and pulls me towards him, yet I can't find the will to move. He's beautiful, in a boyish kind of way, wearing khaki shorts and a black cut-off T-shirt despite the chilled weather. He's the one to break the impromptu staring contest when one of his friends nudges his side and steals his attention. I'm a little disappointed when his rich brown eyes look away. I watch for a little longer as they share a few hushed words before all of their eyes shift to me. The extra attention forces me to finally divert mine away.

"Hey," I lean closer to speak to Angela, "I'll be back. I'm gonna take a walk down the beach."

"Okay." She nods, "Do you want me to walk with you?"

"No, it's okay. I won't be gone long."

I walk along the shore, kicking rocks until I get far enough away that the loud music and shouting sound like a soft murmur in the distance. I find a washed-up log and sit down, watching the waves crash against the shore before retreating. It's quiet and peaceful. I could probably fall asleep sitting here. The sound of a stick snapping behind me ruins that thought. Turning my head away from the water and towards the forest, I come face-to-face with the handsome boy.

"You shouldn't be wandering around out here by yourself. It's not safe." He speaks as he takes a hesitant step closer to me.

"I could say the same to you."

"Why did you leave your friends?" He asks, coming to take a seat on the log next to me, making sure to leave a little space between us.

"They are hardly my friends." I laugh dryly, staring back out at the water. "I didn't even want to come."

"Then why did you?" I shrug in response, not really having a reasonable answer to give. "I could give you a ride home if you want."

"I don't even know you." I chuckle. "Didn't you just lecture me about it not being safe to wander off out here alone, and now you're offering me a ride home. Talk about stranger danger. This is literally the plot and premise of every teen slasher film."

"It was hardly a lecture. More of a piece of valuable advice." He smiles, offering his hand to shake. "I'm Embry Call."

"Y/N Y/L/N." I reply, grabbing his hand. It's unbelievably warm yet comforting.

"Now we're not strangers. Want to take me up on my offer now?" He asks. "If not, you could always go back and ask that Newton kid to tell you another story to help pass the time."

"I would rather step on a Lego than listen to another one of his stories." I scoff. "But I should let Angela know I'm leaving first."

"Let's go then." He chuckles and stands up, waiting for me to rise to my feet before leading me back to the bonfire.

• ───────────────────────────── •

The drive to my house seems to go by quickly. We make small talk here and there until the conversations eventually fizzle out completely and we fall into a comfortable silence. There's a weird tension that lingers in the air. Not a bad weird, just different. I want to know more about him but he's a little closed off. When we speak, it seems like he wants to let me in, he wants to talk to me, but something is stopping him from getting too deep. Despite that, he makes me feel at ease.

"We're here." he speaks softly, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Oh, okay. Thanks for the ride." I reply, attempting to hide my disappointment with a smile. "And for not killing me." I tack on a joke for further convincing.

"No problem." He laughs as he opens his door to get out. He comes around to my side and opens my door for me, grabbing my hand gently to help me out of the truck. "I'll wait here until you get inside."

"Okay," I nod. "Will I see you around?"

"Maybe." He shrugs.

"Goodnight, Embry."

"Goodnight, Y/N." The way my name rolls off his tongue so soft and smooth sends a gentle shiver running through me. Every thought in my brain vanishes and it's only the sound of his voice playing over and over again like a broken record.

By the time I make it up to my room, I'm smiling hard and surely sporting flushed cheeks. I look out my window to check, and there he is, still waiting like he said. I wave down at him once we make eye contact. He smiles and waves back before climbing into the truck and reversing out of the driveway.

I go about my usual nightly routine before finally settling into bed. The smile that this mysterious boy has somehow managed to plant on my face has yet to disappear. I think back over our interactions throughout the night, and although they had been small and more than likely meaningless to him, they had me giggling and kicking my feet like a little schoolgirl. Figuratively, of course. Once I manage to calm myself down, I close my eyes and begin to drift off to sleep, whispering a quick prayer that tonight was only the first and not the last time I would be seeing the handsome stranger.

• ───────────────────────────── •

"That movie was awful." I scoff, walking with the rest of the group out of the theater.

"I thought it was awesome!" Mike exclaims.

"How? There was an unnecessary amount of blood and gore that did absolutely nothing for the plot, and the graphics were horrible."

"Woah there! Didn't know we had a professional movie critic on our hands." Mike jokes, receiving laughter from the rest of the group.

I roll my eyes as they begin gushing and raving about the action movie as we walk down the street. I fall back behind the group a bit, putting a little distance between me and them, but not too much that it's noticeable. Not that I think they would notice anyway. Despite having hung out with them numerous times since the bonfire two weeks ago, my friendship with them hasn't progressed at all. I just don't feel much of a connection with any of them, other than Angela.

"Hey, Y/N!" A call of my name pulls me out of my thoughts. I look up at Angela and her friends to find the source, only to see them looking back at me, confusion written on all of their faces. "Hey!" The masculine voice calls again from behind me, a little closer this time. I turn around this time, coming face-to-face with one of the guys from the bonfire, Embry and a couple of others not far behind.

"Do I know you?" I ask.

"No, but I know you. I'm Jared Cameron." He offers me his hand to shake.

"Y/N Y/L/N." I shake his outstretched hand. The next one to introduce himself has short, curly hair and a boyish grin on his face.

"Quil Ateara. The fifth, but the greatest." He chuckles, shaking my hand. The last one steps up wearing a smug expression as he introduces himself.

"Paul Lahote." He smirks, grabbing my hand and bringing it up to his lips. However, before he can make contact with my skin, he is stopped by Embry's stern voice.

"Enough, Paul." He orders to the snickering man.

"Hi, Embry." I redirect my attention to the boy who stands a few steps behind the others.

"Hey." He replies, our gazes locking briefly before he looks away.

"We're heading to a little restaurant down the street," Jared explains. "Wanna join?"

"Oh uh-" As I try to find the words to respond to his spontaneous offer, I'm interrupted by the voice of a female, that I have come to realize I am not the biggest fan of.

"Hey, Y/N. Who are your friends?" She asks, leaving me no time to respond before turning to introduce herself. "Hi, I'm Jessica Stanley." A chorus of 'hey's and 'hello's come from the group in response.

"We're heading home if you're ready." She directs her attention to me this time.

"Okay."

"We were actually offering her to join us for dinner," Quil states, presenting the offer Jared had extended to me just a few moments ago. "If she hasn't eaten yet."

"That's so kind of you." Jessica speaks with fake enthusiasm.

"Will you?" Jared questions, eyes trained on mine.

"Sure." I nod, turning to the group I had come with. "If that's okay with all of you."

"Go ahead." Angela is the one to step up and speak, a small but noticeable smile on her face. "Text me when you get home?"

A simple nod is all she needs before she grabs Jessica's hand and guides her back over to their group.

"Let's go," Paul speaks, throwing his arm over my shoulder as if we've known each other for years, and begins to lead me away. "I'm starving."

The restaurant we end up at is a cute, family-owned Italian place. It's cozy and welcoming, much like the rowdy group of boys who invited me to it.

"You have got to try the pizza," Quil leans in from his chair beside me to show me the options on the menu. "It's amazing."

"You think so?" I ask, amused by his never-ending enthusiasm.

"I know so." He winks, flashing me a toothy grin.

"The chicken alfredo is also really good." Jared adds from his seat on the other side of the table. I take their suggestions into consideration as I browse the menu.

"Everything looks and sounds delicious," I say, a sigh of defeat passing through my lips. "I don't know what to choose."

"We could order a couple plates of pasta and a few large pizzas to share. The portions are pretty big." Jared suggests.

"That's fine with me." I nod. "I'm still kind of full from the popcorn I ate at the theater so I won't be able to finish a full meal by myself."

"Don't you worry your pretty little head," Quil taps the tip of my nose with his index finger, forcing a giggle out of me at his antics. "Whatever you don't eat, I can gladly finish for you."

"Sounds like a plan then." I smile.

Once we finalize our decisions and put in our orders, we fall into easy conversation. A majority of it is Jared, Quil, and Paul bickering about random stuff or asking me questions. Despite their endless chatter, I can't help but let my mind linger on the quiet male sitting directly to my left. Before I can gather the courage to talk to Embry, Paul grabs my attention.

"How come you hang out with that Newton kid and his friends if you can't stand them?"

"Huh?" His question throws me off a bit.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you didn't seem too thrilled when we saw you outside of the theater." He elaborates. "And you looked a little annoyed when that Jennifer girl butt in to our conversation."

"You mean Jessica?" I chuckle as I correct him.

"Yeah, her." He nods.

"I wouldn't say that I dislike them, necessarily." I shrug. "I just don't click with them well, I guess. Angela is cool, and Eric isn't too bad, but the others are just so...I don't know. Jessica has to always be the center of attention, and Mike is overly flirtatious and too handsy for me."

"Handsy?" Embry questions, addressing me for the first time since out intial greeting outside of the theater. "Has he touched you?"

"It's nothing bad," I assure him. "It's just little things like trying to hold my hand or mess with my hair. Just weirds me out a bit."

"He still shouldn't be trying to touch you without your permission." He grumbles. "Someone needs to put him in his place."

"It's fine." I shrug. "He's harmless, just doesn't understand boundaries." Before he can say anything else, the food arrives.

"Is there anything else I can get for you?" The waitress asks after placing all of the food on the table. A chorus of "no's" and "no thank you's" float around the table. "Okay. Just call for me if you need me." As soon as she walks away, we all dig in.

"I am stuffed!" I exclaim after taking the last bite of pasta on my plate. There's still half a dish of pasta and a full pizza left on the table, but at the rate that the boys are eating, I'm positive it will be gone soon.

"You humans and your small appetites." Quil laughs around a mouth full of pizza. His comment earns him a harsh glare from the others.

"Humans?" I laugh at his strange words. "What are you, then? A dog." The table falls quiet as the four share a look before breaking out into nervous laughter. Ignoring their weird response, I change the subject.

"So, what is school like on the reservation?" I ask.

"Boring," Jared replies. "And a lot smaller than public schools."

"What do you do for fun?"

"We spend a lot of time hanging out with our friend Sam and his fiancee, Emily, at their place. It's our home away from home." He answers.

"Or going cliff jumping." Paul adds.

"Cliff jumping?" My eyes widen as I repeat the words back to him. "Is that even safe?"

"No, but it's fun as hell." Quil chuckles. "Gives you a huge adrenaline rush. You should come with us and give it a try some time."

"Absolutely not." Embry interjects, shutting down his suggestion before I can answer for myself. "She could get seriously injured, if she doesn't die from it."

"She'll be fine." Paul jumps in. "Jacob's little leech lover did it and survived."

"Barely." Embry scoffed. "Jacob had to pull her out and perform mouth-to-mouth on her."

"Well, it's a good thing she will be with us then." Paul responds cheekily. "What do you say, Y/N? I don't mind providing a little mouth-to-mouth if necessary."

"I'll pass."

"You should come hang out on the rez, then? At Sam and Emily's place." Jared suggests.

"I don't know." I shake my head. "I don't want to intrude. You seem like a really tight-knit group."

"It's fine." He waves me off. "You'll fit right in." A smug look flickers across his face, as if he knows something that I don't.

"Maybe, but not tonight. I need to get home soon."

"Of course." Jared nods. "Let's pay the bill and then we can head out."

• ───────────────────────────── •

"Are you sure this is okay? They won't mind that I'm here?" I ask Quil as we make our way up the drive way toward Sam and Emily's house.

"Of course not." He gives me a reassuring smile. "We've told them all about you, and they are excited to meet you. Emily's happy to have another female to hang out with. Something about there being too much testosterone around here." He rolls his eyes laughing. "Word of advice though. Don't stare at Emily's face. It pisses Sam off."

"Noted." I nod as we walk up the steps.

"Honey, I'm home!" Quil shouts into the house as he throws the door open.

"Please leave." Paul deadpans.

"Hi! You must be Y/N." A woman greets warmly as she makes her way across the kitchen, making sure to smack Paul in the back of the head and telling him to be nice. "I'm Emily Young." She introduces herself as she pull me into a hug.

"Yes, I am." I nod smiling, reciprocating her hug. "Nice to meet you."

"I'm Sam Uley." A man steps up next to her, greeting me as he does. "That's Seth and Leah Clearwater," He gestures to two other unfamiliar faces sitting at the kitchen table. "And you know the rest of the hooligans."

"Hooligans?" Jared scoffs. "I'll have you know that I am a very distinguished young man." He says as he adjusts his invisible tie.

"Yeah, maybe compared to a caveman." Paul retorts, causing Jared to retaliate by intiating a wrestling match in the small kitchen.

"Enough, you two." Sam barks, trying and failing to hide his amusement at their antics.

"Come sit." Emily turns to me, gently ushering me to the only empty chair at the table, which happens to be right next to Embry.

"Hey," He greets in a quiet whisper as I take a seat.

"Hey."

"Are you okay?" He questions, a look of concern on his features.

"Yeah," I nod. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just seem a little tense." He answers. "And they can be a lot sometimes, even for someone like me who has spent years dealing with them."

"I'm okay," I assure him with a smile. He simply nods before turning to finish his lunch as Emily sets a plate down in front of me.

"I'm not sure if you've eaten already but I saved a plate for you." She explains. "Food doesn't last long around here with all of these men so I made sure to put some aside when I heard you were coming."

"I'm starving, actually. I haven't eaten yet today." I reply. "Thank you!"

"You haven't eaten? Like, at all?" The boy named Seth asks from his spot opposite of me.

"No." I shake my head. "I was up late last night writing a paper for my English class and started working on it again as soon as I woke up. I guess I got a little too carried away and forgot to eat anything. But hey! At least I finished my paper. Four days early at that."

"You should still make sure you're eating properly though." Embry states.

"Of course." I nod in agreement. "It's a bad habit I've been trying to kick for years. Once I get locked in on something, it's hard to step away. My mom has lectured me, like, a million times about it."

"So it happens often, is what I'm hearing." Emily steps in, her mom voice making an appearance."

"More often then it should." I respond sheepishly.

"That settles it then." She shakes her head in disbelief. "I'm now making it my personal duty to make sure you are eating three full meals a day. Can't have you getting sick on us."

"You don't have to do that." I argue.

"I know I don't have to, but we take care of our own around here. I know you're new to the group, but I already consider you one of us." She explains, her tone leaving no room fro argument.

"Okay." A blush warms my cheeks as I finally begin to dig into my food.

"Embry." Sam calls his name from where he stands by the kitchen door. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

He responds with a nod before rising from his chair and following Sam outside. They are standing on the porch right outside the door, speaking in hushed whispers. As the conversation goes on, Embry seems to grow increasingly frustrated or angry, I assume by the expressions on his face. A few more words are shared between the two before Embry stomps off the porch and Sam returns to the kitchen, letting out a heavy sigh as he enters. The others give him a questioning look, but all he does is shake his head in response.

"What are you doing tonight?" He asks, coming to sit at the table next to Emily.

"Nothing really." I shrug. "Planned on just hanging out at home and reading a book."

"Lame!" Quil and Jared shout simultaneously.

"I'm hosting a bonfire tonight if you would like to join."

"Please do!" Emily almost begs. "You can meet the other girls as well. Kim and Rachel, Jared's and Paul's girlfriends."

"Sure," I nod. "Why not?"

"Perfect!" She smiles. "Would you like to run into town with me? I need to grab some groceries for the barbeque."

"Of course. I don't have anything else to do."

"Let me go grab my purse."

• ───────────────────────────── •

"Hey, Emily. Can I ask you something?" I ask as we walk down another aisle to grab the things she needs.

"Ask away."

"Does Embry not like me or something?" I question. "Like, did I do something wrong? Or offend him in some way?"

"Of course not." She shakes her head at my words. "Why would you think that?"

"I don't know." I shrug, nervously fidgeting with the loose threads on my sweater. "He just seems closed off when I'm around. I just thought maybe it was something I did."

"That's just Embry." She reassures me. "He's always been more of an introvert compared to the other guys."

"You sure?"

"I'm positive." She stops walking and turns to face me. "Don't read too much into it. Just give him time. He'll come around." I nod in response, choosing to trust her words and expel those negative thoughts from my head. "Now come on, we only have a few more things to grab and I'm afraid those bozos might destroy the house if they are left alone too long." She giggles as she begins walking again, me following close behind.

When we return to the house, the guys are horsing around outside, as Emily and I head to the kitchen to put everything away. Once all of the groceries are in their rightful place, she begins to prep what will be needed for dinner.

"Is there anything I can help with?"

"No, I got it, but thanks." She politely declines. "Why don't you head outside. Or you can hang out in the living room and watch some TV. Whatever you want to do."

"You sure?"

"Yep."

I begin to make my way towards the door to go outside when I notice Embry sitting on the couch by himself. I hesitate briefly before making up my mind and stepping towards the living room instead.

"Hi, Embry." I speak softly, as not to startle him.

"Hey, Y/N." He greets, glancing at me over his shoulder and then turning his attention back towards the TV.

"What're watching?"

"Nothing, really. Just flipping through channels to see if anything good is on. So far, I've found nothing." He shrugs.

"Do you mind if I join you?"

"No, I don't mind." He scoots over to make room on the couch. We fall into a tense silence as he continues to flip through channels before he finally settles on a true crime show.

"Are you excited for the bonfire?" He asks, finally breaking the silence and turning his head to look at me, our gazes interlocking.

"Yeah, actually. I am." I reply, smiling. This is the first time we've had an actual conversation together since the one we had on the night we met and I can't help but feel giddy about it.

"Good." He nods, he lifts one of his hands to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "You look beautiful, by the way."

"Oh, uh, thank you." I can feel my cheeks heat up instantly. "You do, too. Look handsome, I mean. Not beautiful. Not that you aren't beautiful, I just-" I blush harder as I stumble over my words.

"Thank you." He interrupts, chuckling softly.

Our conversation dies out as we stare into each other's eyes. However, the silence this time is much more comfortable. Without realizing it, we had begun to lean into each other. So close that our noses are almost touching.

"Can I-" Embry begins to speak but is cut off as Sam's voice carries through from the kitchen.

"Embry, come out. I need your help gathering the fire wood."

"Okay, be right there." He replies, backing away. "I'll talk to you in a bit, okay?"

"Okay. Yeah." I nod, another blush dusting my cheeks as I start to think about what would have happened if Sam hadn't come in.

Embry then gets up from his spot beside me, leaving me with a soft smile and following Sam out the door.

• ───────────────────────────── •

The bonfire burns brightly, providing some warmth against the chilly night air. I sit with the other girls, talking and laughing as the guys kick around a soccer ball off to the side. Just like Emily, Kim and Rachel are kind and inviting, making it easy to fall into comfortable conversation. Even Leah, despite her quiet nature.

"So, you and Embry, huh?" Rachel nudges my side gently with her elbow, wiggling her eyebrow suggestively.

"What about me and Embry?" I ask confused.

"Are y'all, like, a thing?" Kim is the one to ask the question.

"Oh, no. Definitely not." I shake my head, laughing at the incredulousness of the idea. "If you haven't noticed, he barely speaks to me."

"Which is kind of crazy to me because the guy can barely keep his eyes off of you." Rachel says.

"Right!" Kim exclaims. "Glad I'm not the only one who noticed."

"You're seeing things." I argue.

"But you like him though, don't you?" Leah asks.

"Would you think I'm crazy if I said yes?" I bite my lip nervously. "He. doesn't even give me the time if day. Today was the first time we've held a conversation that was longer than three words since the night we met, but I can't help but be drawn to him. Like some kind of invisible string is keeping me tied to him. I sound weird and obsessive, don't I?" I sigh, feeling embarrassed at my admission.

"Not at all." Emily smiles, providing me with some comfort. "Like I said earlier, just give him a little time."

"You should-" Before Rachel can finish what she is going to say, they sound of men arguing grabs all of our attention.

"I said back off, Paul!" Embry shouts angrily at his friend.

Paul laughs menacingly. "Oh yeah? Or what?"

Embry lets out what I can only describe as a deep growl as his body begins to shake in anger.

"Careful there, Call." He says mockingly. "Don't want to lose your cool in front of your girlfriend." Those words seem to be the final trigger, because on my next breath, Embry's clothes shred to pieces as he turns into a giant wolf.

All of the air leaves my lungs as the scene unfolds. Paul is next, shifting into a massive beast in the blink of an eye, right as Embry lunges for him. The two begin to fight, large jaws snapping at each other as they roll on the ground.

"What the actual fuck?" I whisper as I finally catch my breath.

"Leah, Emily." Sam calls. "Get her inside." As soon as the words leave his mouth, a black wolf, larger than the other two, takes the place where his once human form stood. The others soon follow, beginning to chase after the two who have now managed to tumble into the forest.

"Can someone please explain to me what the hell just happened?" I gasp out as we make our way into the living room.

"It's not really our place to say, but Sam can as soon as he gets back." Emily places a comforting yet firm hand on my shoulder, forcing me to take a seat on the couch.

"They're not gonna kill each other, are they?" The horrifying thought leaves my lips before I can stop it.

"No," Rachel shakes her head. "They'll be fine. This actually happens quite often."

"That doesn't make me feel any better." I look at her as if she is insane."

"Sam will calm them down, and then they will all return safely. Not scratch or bruise in sight." Kim explains. I nod, taking a deep breath.

"So they're werewolves?"

"We prefer the term 'Shifter'." Leah states.

"Can all of you do that?"

"Nope. Just me and the guys."

"You're the only female that can turn into a wolf?"

"The only one known." She nods.

"Okay." I nod, trying to process the new found information. "Wow! This is a lot to take in."

"You're handling it pretty well, though." Kim giggles. "I half expected you to run off screaming."

We sit waiting for about ten minutes, them answering the questions they are allowed to answer, before the door swings open. Jared, Quil, and Seth walk into the house, Sam, Paul, and Embry moments after.

"Sorry about that, Y/N." Paul laughs as he throws himself down on the floor in front of where Rachel sits.

"No problem." I respond before turning my attention towards Sam.

"I'm sure you have a few questions."

"That's the understatement of the century." Sam chuckles at my response as he begins to explain everything. Their history, abilities, what causes the first shift, what triggers every shift after, how they control it. He goes on for what feels like half an hour until he feels that he has covered everything.

"Now that that is out of the way, there is one more thing you must know, but it's best if you and Embry discuss that privately."

"Um...okay?" I turn to look at Embry, who is still standing next to the door.

"Can I give you a ride home?" He asks. "I'll explain on the way there."

"Sure." I nod, standing from the couch. "Thanks for inviting me. Despite all of the chaos, I really enjoyed spending time with you all."

"Of course, Y/N." Sam smiles gently. "You're welcome any time."

• ───────────────────────────── •

The first ten minutes of the twenty-minute drive pass in silence. Neither of us willing to break it, but eventually I speak, not being able to stand the tension anymore.

"Embry?" I call his name softly, my voice coming out as almost a whisper. "There was something you wanted to tell me."

"'Want' isn't exactly the word I would use, but I don't really have a choice." He sighs heavily. "For starters, I want to apologize. I didn't want to drag you into this. I tried to keep my distance, but my friends were hellbent on playing matchmakers. If it had been up to me, tonight wouldn't have ever happened."

"Oh." His words trigger an ache in my chest.

"It's not that there is anything wrong with you. You're great, actually. It's just that I didn't want to bring you into my world because it's too dangerous for you."

"Dangerous? How? What does any of this have to do with me?"

"That leads to my next point. There is this thing that us Shifters do. It's called imprinting." He explains as he slows the car down before pulling over to the side of the road and putting the car in park.

"Imprinting?" I ask as he turns to me, eyes locking onto mine.

"Yeah. In looser terms, it's kind of like finding our soulmate. The one person we are destined to be with. When we find our imprint, they instantly become the one thing in this world that we would do anything for. We will become anything they want or need us to be. A protector, a friend, a lover. They become the center of our whole world. The gravity that holds us to the Earth. Everything and everyone in our lives suddenly comes second to them."

"Are you saying that-"

"Yes," He nods, responding before I can finish my sentence as if he had read my mind. "That night we first met, on the beach in La Push, I imprinted on you. It's not something we can control, it just happens. We don't choose who we imprint on. The moment I looked into your eyes, my fate was sealed."

"Is that why you avoided me? Did you want it to be someone else?"

"No." He shakes his head. "I was avoiding you because bringing you into all of this is dangerous. There are other supernatural beings that exist, and just you breathing puts you in danger because of the connection we have."

"Other supernatural beings? Like what?"

"Vampires. Those are our biggest enemies and what triggered out phases."

"Vampires," I mutter his words back to him in disbelief. "Here in Forks?" He nods in response.

"So if you don't have control over the bond, what would happen if I didn't want it?" I question. "Not saying that I don't, just asking." I quickly explain.

"You could reject it, but it wouldn't be easy. For either of us. The longer we spend apart, the more it will begin to hurt. Not just emotionally but physically too. We would both grow weaker, and it would affect my shifting and other abilities."

"Wow."

"And I'm not saying that to scare you at all, just answering your question honestly."

"So what does that mean for us?"

"What do you want it to mean? Like I said, you are now my sole purpose of living. Your safety and well-being, your life, are now my greatest priority. I will be whatever you need me to be."

"Okay. So, if I wanted to pursue something romantically, would you only be doing it because you have to? Because I actually really like you. Like a lot. But I don't want to force you into anything that you don't actually want."

"I like you, too. And I'm not just saying that because of the bond. I do genuinely mean that. I know it didn't seem like it because of how I acted and how I treated you, but the more time I've spent around you, the more my feelings have grown. My feelings for you are real, they are just amplified by the connection we have."

"Okay."

"Is that want you want?" He asks. "To pursue this romantically?"

"Maybe." I shrug. "Do you?"

"I would like that." He smiles softly.

"Me too." I return with a smile of my own, subconsciously leaning closer to him. "We should probably take it slow though."

"Definitely." He responds, moving in more. Our noses brush gently as he speaks. "Would you be mad if I kissed you? Right now."

I shake my head at his question. "I think I would be more mad if you didn't"

That's all that needs to be said before he leans in the rest of the way and molds his lips softly to mine. Butterflies erupt in my stomach instantly. My body feels like it's on fire, but in a good way. His hand finds my cheek, angling me to deepen the kiss as both of mine find the nape of his neck, my fingers tangling in his hair.

Once we both run out of breath, he pulls back, pecking my lips a few more times.

"I should probably get you home." He whispers, resting his forehead against mine.

"Yeah, you probably should." I whisper back, brushing my lips against his softly. He groans softly, caving in and kissing me hard.

"Okay." He moves away to settle back into his seat. "For real, I need to get you home."

"Sorry." I blush.

"Don't apologize." He says. "I didn't mind at all. And now that I've gotten a taste of what its like to kiss you, I don't ever want to stop, but we've been sitting here for a while out in the middle of nowhere."

"You're right. Let's go."

The rest of the drive is spent with light conversation and giddy smiles shared between the two of us. He keeps my hand interlocked with his the whole time and places light pecks against the back of it every now and then. We finally make it to my house, much to my disappointment. Embry, being the gentleman he is, walks me to the door.

"I guess this is goodnight, then." He says, hands still holding mine tightly, as if he doesn't want to let go.

"I mean, it doesn't have to be." He quirks an eyebrow at the insinuation behind my words. "Do you want to come in?"

"I shouldn't." He shakes his head, releasing one of my hands so I can unlock my front door.

"But I think you should." I open the door, tugging on his hand as I step inside. I watch as he battles with whether he should decline or give in. I wait patiently as he makes his decision.

"Fuck it!" He finally says before diving in for a kiss, kicking the door closed behind us as we stumble into the house.

[simpee9000]

Not Just Friends - 5 -

M.List : Prologue : Part 1 : Part 2 : Part 3 : Part 4 : Not edited : 10k words !!!

Childhood best friends turned into something more, at least with the label. Katsuki Bakugo, a fast-rising hero and fast-learning guy who is ever so slow in getting attached to and loving someone. Even three long years into a relationship, and your friends even forget you're even dating. Nothing happening, spare a few kisses.. like 3 kisses, during high school. Graduated and living together, and you guys have done absolutely nothing to further the relationship. Are you sure you're not just friends? CW: Smut, brief domestic violence discussion, virginity loss, aggressive flirting from creeps, gore with pro hero stuff (lmk if i missed any) Applies to all chapters regardless of it is in said chapter.

Katsuki and his closest friend decided to make a tradition of camping during the summer. The group mainly just inviting themselves in on his hiking trips and making it a bigger deal. You remember at first that he looked at you for help, only finding that you were already discussing with Mina about sharing a tent. You and the girls all shared a tent that year, in celebration of graduation.

But now, only a year later, the tradition stuck. It was beginning of August and the group of you were all getting packed. Preparing to meet at the camping site at separate times due to schedule errors. It was a small campground in all, you only knew of it if a local told you, so you had no idea how Katsuki got on the good side of a local, but he did. It was barely in service, just enough for phone calls, but Katsuki had a strict no phone rule.

Despite him being a grump about everything, the campground is beautiful, a lake in the middle of it all but surrounded by many different hiking routes. You were excited to spend this camping trip next him rather than the girls, curious about all the ins-and-outs of this campground.

You often tagged along next to him for his hikes, it was the main way you guys spent your off days. He always needed something to do, and you wanted to be near him, so you followed.

It created countless stories between you two, either inside jokes about one falling over a tree or just the deep conversations you shared as you hiked the trail.

After the hour drive out of the city, you were met with the lush campgrounds. It was just as breathtaking as last year. Just being in view of it, lifted a weight off your shoulders. It felt like you could breathe better overall.

The two of you were the first ones there. Arriving just before sunset. The rest of the group said they'd be here soon. You attempted to convince Katsuki to wait so you could share a ride with Kirishima and Mina, but he was too impatient.

Once your foot was out of the car, Katsuki started handing you things to set up. Giving you some of the tents he brought and to place them near the already made fire pit. He brought most of the camping supplies for the group, everyone else would just have to bring the things that they wanted.

You decided to wait to put up the tents until others got here, unsure of the pairing. So you and Katsuki got to work on putting up the fold up tables and some chairs out. Grabbing the ice chest filled of your food and setting it near the camp fire, which Katsuki quickly had going. Thankfully the campsite sold firewood, so you had no worries of running out.

The rumble of Kirishima's super duty truck made you turn you're head. Soon enough Mina barreled out of the truck and came running to you.

"Hi," she squeeze you into a hug, "Haven't seen you since the party!" You squeezed her back, it has been a while since you've seen her, the party was almost a month ago.

"Of course you guys show up after we finish setting everything up," Katsuki grumbled, dragging his feet as he walked to Kirishima's truck to help grab ice chests.

Kirishima gave a cheeky smile, rubbing the back of his neck, "Sorry man, I'm free to help now though."

"Whatever," Katsuki scoffed.

Kirishima gave you a wave, "Anything I can help with?"

You looked around, finally pushing Mina away from the hug, "We haven't set up any tents, so maybe that? I just don't know who's sharing and stuff yet."

Kirishima and Mina shared a quick glance, turning a shy red in their cheeks. "Well," Mina dragged out, "E and I are sharing, Bakugo and you are sharing, so we can start there."

"Wait," you paused them confused, embarrassed about sharing a tent with Katsuki.

"Huh?" Kirishima turned towards the tents laying on the ground, "Denki and Sero can share, I doubt they mind. They can set up another if hey have that big of an issue."

"We only packed three air mattresses," you pointed out.

"They've shared a bed before, it's fine. They're bros," Kirishima shrugged. He wasn't getting the point. You looked to find were Katsuki went and saw him grabbing stuff from Kirishima's truck, not having heard a lick of the conversation.

By the time you look back over to Kirishima, him and Mina were already off to the side of the campsite and setting up their tent. Mina struggling to stand as she laughed, hitting Kirishima with the tent pole constantly.

It was enduring to see them mess around, especially since they were finally getting ahold of their relationship. Both of them have been struggling with a label since the second year.

You looked back at Katsuki, who grabbed all he needed from the truck and was now crouched and working on the fire again. You walked over to stand next to him, bumping his shoulder lightly with your hip to get his attention, "We needa set up our tent."

He scrunched his eye brows, looking over to were the tent were then to were Kirishima was. "They sharing?" he nodded his head in their direction. You hummed, rocking on the ball of your feet, stuffing your hands in your pockets. This felt odd.

" Okay," he stood up, brushing the remains of wood of his hands. You stepped away slightly, giving him room to stand without bumping into you. "Where do ya' want it?"

You looked around the campsite. It was quite big, plenty of space for anything. Trees lined the dirt center that was meant for parking cars and the rest of the camping supplies. Where the trees lined the dirt, there was plenty of open grass plots for a tent. Kirishima and Mina already taking one of the grass plots near the cars. So you walked to the other side, leaving the ones in the middle for the boys to chose.

Katsuki picked up the tent and followed you, dropping the tent bag where you stopped. It was quite the distance from the cars so you would have to move the car briefly so you could blow up the air mattress.

You went to unzip the bag, handing Katsuki the poles to connect together while you pulled out the actual tent to space out. Switching jobs so he could anker it to the ground. You quickly saw why Mina was laughing so hard. The pole you were connecting broke apart in one spot and swung to hit Katsuki in the back of the head.

He wiped his head around, "The fuck?" he barked at you. You hunched over laughing, his face was so mad, it was as if you took a dogs bone. "Asshat," he grumbled, turning to finish the last anker. Before snatching the pole from your hand and threading it through the tent. Ordering you to help connect it on the other side despite you still laughing slightly at him.

The two of you did the other side without much issue, putting the rain cover up as well as threading the pole over the door to keep it steady. He quickly trudged off to bring the car. Mina joining your side as you two watched Katsuki set up the air mattress. "I hate tents," she grumbled.

You looked at her tent, seeing it messily set up, all their stuff being thrown in as well, fully set up. "Why?" you asked.

"Can't really make noise if y'know what I mean," she wiggled her brows, nudging her arm into yours.

"I better not hear that," you made a face of disgust.

"Same to you," Mina laughed, "Though I am curious as t-"

"Don't," you raised your hand to stop her, "I don't even want to know."

Katsuki called you over to the tent, currently fighting with the air mattress.

"What even happened?" you laughed the second you peaked inside the tent, he was currently struggling to get the air pump connected to the air mattress.

"Can't find the hole," he sighed frustrated.

Mina erupted into laughter, "That's what she said!"

You stifled a laugh, moving Katsuki to the side as you pushed the mattress into a better angle. Getting the mattress blown up easily. Katsuki getting out of the tent to place the bedding and your guys stuff in the tent to the side. It was a large tent, plenty of space for you to stand up straight, Katsuki only had to slouch slightly to not hit his head in the middle.

He moved the car and left you to set up the bedding once the mattress was fully inflated it. Knowing it go cold at night you threw a large open sleeping bag over the top of the mattress to sleep on top of, knowing that the air mattress would be insanely cold otherwise. Just throwing your pillows at the end of the bed and then half-assly throwing heavy blankets on top before shuffling out of the tent, hearing Sero and Denki pull up, music blasting.

Katsuki was instantly barking orders at them.

"Chill man, we brought the booze," Denki laughed, opening the truck and pulling out a cooler, Sero doing the same.

"How fucking much are you planning to drink?" Katsuki went wide eyed at the two full coolers of booze.

"We'll probably have to buy more," Sero shrugged.

"Huh? How?" Katsuki looked dumb founded.

"I mean," Sero pointed and count the group, "there six of us, five of us wanting to get drunk nightly this weekend. We all need to drink a lot to get drunk as well."

Katsuki whiped his head to you, "You drinkin'?"

You shrugged, "I mean yeah- wait Sero?"

"Yeah?" he looked up from where he was fishing a beer out of the cooler.

"Did you pack my wine?" you stepped closer to him.

"In the car," he nodded towards the car. You quickly skipping over and grabbing a bottle to drink for the night. Katsuki was busy yelling at everyone to watch how much they drunk, they still had work monday.

Mina groaned at him, lulling her head over to you, "Can you get the stick out of his ass? He's acting like he hasn't been laid in years."

Your face flushed but you laughed to cover it, "I think it's too far up there for me to help."

"Fuck off," he barked at the two of you, causing you to laugh harder.

The group was standing around the fire, Katsuki making sure it stayed steady. Once you got the wine bottle open you joined them, taking the seat next to Katsuki, stretching your legs onto his arm rest of the chair, knowing he wouldn't mind.

"Y'know, sometimes I forget you two are dating," Denki point at finger between you and Katsuki, that same hand also bringing a beer up to his mouth to take a swig. "I only remember when you do shit like that," he gestured to your legs.

"What do you mean?" you tilted your head.

"Well he'd kill anyone else for that," Denki shrugged.

"Ah yes, you bagged quite a man, one that'd kill some one from breathing wrong," Mina laughed at you.

You flushed, embarrassed that even the ones closest to you barely saw the relationship. You looked over to see how Katsuki took the joke, seeing him staring intently at the fire. Poking at it with a fire stick.

"What's our plan for tomorrow?" you looked around the group, taking a sip of wine straight from the bottle. Wanting to skip past any talk about your relationship.

"I'm going for a hike," Katsuki said, setting down the fire stick and leaning into his chair, arms cross.

"Okay," you dragged out, seeing if anyone would add their plans. When no one added you continued, "So Kats and I are going for a hike in the morning, then we'll be back and we can all go to the lake?" you suggested.

"Sounds good, I would go with but I need sleep, works been rough," Kirishima sent an apology to Katsuki, only to be shrugged off.

"Have you been taking better care of your support gear?" you nagged at him, annoyed about the amount of times you've fixed it just this month.

"Yes mom," he groaned.

"Oh shut your mouth," you scolded. The group laughed at your bickering with Kirishima.

The group quickly fell into an banter, all thankful they got the weekend off from hero work. Glad they could escape out of the city. It was refreshing. The view of the camp ground and their faces. They looked a least a little more carefree than normal. Tonight was the calm of the camping trip, tomorrow night would be all chatter and drunk games. It was only Friday night and you guys would be staying till Sunday, with work on Monday. It was a short get away but it was all the agencies could agree too. Everyone already ate their meals during the drive here, so all that was to do was set up.

By the time the fire was out, Sero and Denki still hadn't put their tent up. They'd have to do it drunk and in the dark. Katsuki was already well past tired and demanded to get up early, so you couldn't join them. So you had Kirishima promise to watch for them.

With the rest of the group taken care of, you and Katsuki walked off into your tent. Well he walked, you stumbled and grabbed onto his arm, drunk from drinking the whole wine bottle. He unzipped the door of the tent, holding it open for you and closing it behind himself.

"What side y'want?" Katsuki huffed, reaching for his backpack.

You looked at the options for a moment, "The one near the tent wall, I don't wanna be by the door."

"Ight," he was still digging through his bag. You walked over to your side, just about to sit down before he yelled at you, "The fuck y'doing? Change your clothes, I don't want our bed to smell like wine and campfire."

"But you literally smell like a campfire," you pointed out, "And I don't smell like wine."

"I saw you spill it over yourself, and I don't care. Change," he ordered.

"How am I supposed to change with you in here," you grumbled back at him.

"I'll turn around and so will you," he pointed out blandly.

So after grabbing your pjs, you both turned around and changed. You felt the urge to turn and catch a look but you knew that it'd be all you thought of. You laughed slightly to yourself, amused that you've been dating for three years but have yet to change near each other.

"What?"

Your head almost spun to look at him, but you remembered before you did, "Nothin."

"Why'd you laugh?" he asked differently.

You sighed, " Just the fact we are turned away from each other right now," you shrugged your pj shirt over your head, unhooking your bra from underneath it, just in case.

"Want to watch me get naked?" he teased.

A hot wave flashed through you, "Shuddup," you coughed out after a moment. Quickly putting on your sleep shorts. "You done yet?"

"Have been for a minute," he replied. With the okay to turn around, you quickly climbed into bed. Only then did it sink in that you'd be sharing a bed for the first time. Seeing him lift the covers and joined you excited you. It was a first, and it was thrilling, even if it was just sleep.

"Y'know," you moved closer to where he got comfortable, "We've never shared a bed."

"I'm aware," he peered down at you. He had his head rested on the pillow, arms above his head as he laid on his hands.

"It's weird," you whispered, like you were admitting a secret. You moved yourself to lay onto your stomach, propping yourself up with your arms.

"How?" he asked softly, matching your tone. He adjusted himself, getting into a better position to look at you. Even in the dark, you could see his vibrant red eyes peering at you.

"Like," you looked away from him, overwhelm, picking at the blanket that was over your shoulders, "Feels different, we live together but we don't share a bed, but now we are. Feels like a new step without the other foundations in a way."

"What other foundations would we need?"

"Well none I guess, but we didn't choose this one fully," you shrugged.

"I knew we were going to share, did you not?" he nudged your calf with his leg, grabbing your attention.

"Not really, I'm happy we are, just," you paused, "I don't know."

You heard Denki and Sero laughing from their tent, clearly in a struggle to set it up.

"I get it," Katsuki said after a moment, "Feels like we are doing things in a weird order."

"Yeah," you yawned.

"Go to bed," he order softly.

"Goodnight," you muttered, plopping your head onto your pillow.

"Night."

---

Katsuki woke you up just before sunrise, slightly shaking your arm till you woke up. He already has his hiking bag made, filled with stuff for the both of you. Shoving you a granola bar and a protein shake before he left you to change.

After slipping into some pants, aware of the brisk mornings. Katsuki having warned you while you packed. With your legs warm, you threw on a tank-top with a hoodie over it. Tying your shoes before fighting your way out of the tent, meeting Katsuki at the end of the campsite road.

"Finally," he immediately stepped off, following the tree line. Having you jog slightly to catch up to him.

"Do you sleep okay?" you questioned, worried you kicked him or something in your sleep.

"Yeah," he replied. Well, at least he didn't sleep bad. "You?" he looked over at you briefly, before looking back up, turning into a trail that went out of the main camping area.

"Yep, best in a while actually," you followed him.

The two of you fell into a comfortable silence, trailing through the forest. The trail seemed like it faded in and out, clearly not used often enough to keep a path.

Leaves brushed past your pants as you walked through, following each step he made, keeping up with his steady pace. He often looked back to make sure you were still behind him before he made a turn slightly off path, getting yourselves deeper into the forest. It was a steady up hill for the most part, up until you hit a rocky area with a steady climb.

Katsuki easily jumped up the first step, even with it at waist height, reaching down a hand to help pull you up. He let you walk in front of him from then on, just pointing you towards where to go. Letting you climb up the slight rocks, prepared to catch you if you fell, even if it wasn't higher than five or so feet. Soon enough you were standing taller than the rest of the camp, being able to see the lake and even our campsite from the top of the rocks you climb.

"This is," you let out a breath, "wow."

"See, if you didn't get wasted last time I could of shown you then," he reminded.

You ignored him, watching how the sky was slowly gaining color from the sunrise, a faint pink and orange hue barely kissy the horizon.

"This isn't even the best part," he tugged on your arm, lightly dragging you away from the cliff edge. He went in the opposite direction from the cliff, walking through the small forest that coated the top of the rocky mountain you were on. He held unto your hand until you heard the faint noise of running water. Pulling you in front of him as he guided you to the small pond that ran off the cliff edge and into a small creek.

"Why didn't you drag me with last time," you slapped his arm lightly, walking over to the water, crouching down to feel the water. It was freezing.

"You were bitchin'," he shrugged. Setting his backpack down near a tree.

You started untying your shoes, taking them off along with your socks. On a whim deciding to unbutton your pants.

"What are you doing?" he hissed. You turned your head toward him, his face was flushed as he looked away.

"I'm getting in," you shrugged.

"You're wearing a swimsuit?" he looked back over, still red in the face.

"Nah," you pushed your pants down, "I just wear my underwear, it'll dry."

"It's fucking freezing in that water," he pointed out, looking away once again.

"Scared to join?" you teased, folding your pants and setting them on top of your shoes, doing the same with your hoodie and tank top.

"Oh fuck you," he groaned. Not wanting to back out on a challenge, he tugged his shirt and pants off quickly, leaving them on a rock near his shoes. Joining you just as you started stepping into the water.

You flinched at the temperature but forced yourself to fully get in, letting the water reach your shoulders. Hair tied up to stay dry. Katsuki was by your side after a minute.

It was funny to think that last night you changed facing away from each other, but now you were only clad in underwear and in a random pond. It wasn't a first to be around each other in underwear, you've lived together for a little over a year after all.

"Water's not too bad," you commented.

He shot you a glare, "I hate the cold."

"Ice baths are good for you though, lots of health benefits," you chimed, knowing he hated being told something he hated was good.

"Fuck em," he grunted. He let his face fall into a pout as he stared at the water as if it was his enemy. His arms crossed to hold in any warmth. Butterflies filled your stomach as you looked over his feature. He was made but he looked soft. The worries of the hero world gone, if only for a moment. He looked back up at you, "What?" he bit out.

"Nothin'," you shook your head, "Cold?"

"Obviously," he rolled his eyes.

You stepped closer to him, having stuck at arms length from him. "Hug?" you offered.

"How will that help?" he coughed.

"I don't know, body heat?" you stepped closer.

"But you're fucking freezing too," he pointed out.

"Come on, Kats," you held out your arms for him. With a pout of your lip, he groaned and stepped into your arms. Wrapping his arms around your waist and tugging you towards him. "See, not to bad," you teased, wrapping your arms around his neck.

He nudged his head into your shoulder, "Shuddup." The tips of his ears stayed red from his blush, the heat from his face warming your neck. "Your warm," he muttered, pulling you impossibly closer, his watch scratching your back lightly.

You scratched at his hair, letting your hands play with the strands at the nape of his neck as you looked around. Soaking in the moment. The sky was slowly waking up, the orange and pinks that were barely visible before, took up the entire sky. A steady blue warming in as well. Katsuki let his shoulders sag into your touch as he pulled his face away, catching your attention.

"You're beautiful," he mumbled, embarrassed as he let his eyes track over your face.

"What's up with you?" you laughed shyly, "All boyfriendy recently."

"Just getting used to things more I guess," his voice was soft, but rough from his daily screaming matches with the boys.

"Took three years?" you pointed out. Watching his eyes as he looked over yours.

"You said I can do what I want right?" he asked, referencing your words from the other week when he kissed you for the first time since graduation.

You flushed, "I did."

He looked over your features again before his eyes fell to your lips. Letting his hand unhook from your waist and gently cup your cheek, just as it had that night. He admired your features for a while, letting his thumb barely trace your bottom lip before he leaned in himself. Letting himself fall into the kiss.

You tilted you head and pushed into your toes, letting yourself get impossible closer to him. Letting your body curve into his, fit alongside his perfectly. You let your hands hold unto his hair, pushing him deeper into him. Grasping onto his hair when you felt his tongue trail alongside your bottom lip. You're mouth falling open, begging him to continue the kiss.

Whining when he pulled away, out of breath and eyes lidded. "You're fine with this?" he asked hoarsely brows still furrowed from how he kissed you.

You just tugged him closer to you in response, locking your lips against his. Luckily, he quickly ran his tongue over your lip again, letting it slide into your mouth slowly. The kiss left a buzz going through your body, making your fingers twitch tighter into his hair, wanting nothing but more. Air could wait. You let your tongue fight with his for a moment, playfully toying with the new feeling of kissing him like this, before you gave in, letting him take over the kiss completely.

His hand dropped away from your face, falling back to your hip and he pulled you closer, fully into him. Groaning lowly when your thigh hit him, it falling between his legs.

The groan snapped you into reality. You were making out with Katsuki, and you felt him against your thigh. Clearly enjoying it. Just in attempt to see his reaction, you move your thigh slightly, making another groan fall from his lips and into your mouth before he pulled away from the kiss. Lazily look down at you, "We should probably stop before we.." he trailed off, his eyes falling on your lips again.

"Yeah," you nodded in agreement, looking down at his lips, plump and rosy from kissing.

Both of you sat in a daze of staring at each other, only breaking out of it when you heard faint talking in the distance.

You quickly scrambled off each other and to your clothes. Throwing them on as quickly as possible, wringing out as much water as possible beforehand. You did not want to be caught half naked in a random pond. It would wreck his hero image.

With clothes thrown on you quickly walked back towards camp, running into the couple you heard from the pond on your way down. Stopping when they asked for a picture with Katsuki. Which he was in a good enough mood to agree to.

After getting out of earshot, you started giggling to yourself. "We are so lucky we heard them."

He laughed breathlessly near you, "Yeah, would of gotten an exclusive photo otherwise."

"Your fan girls would have my head instantly," you added.

"You'd kick their ass."

You smiled at his faith in you, "Thank you, that's what I've been saying. Mei thinks I'm crazy."

After only a few tumbles, you were back at the campsite, letting the laughter from the previous conversation flow out of you. Everyone was awake when you got back. All prepared to head to the lake.

"You guys were out for a while," Mina commented, a hinting tone to her voice, "Why are your clothes wet?"

You looked down at your hoodie, the fabric of your bra having soaked the front of your shirt, just as your underwear soaked your pants. Katsuki was in the same boat.

"I took a dive in the water for a moment," you shrugged, "I'm going to put on a swimsuit, we can head out after."

And you did just that, Katsuki doing the same just after you.

You met up at Mina's side, she was in the middle of teasing Denki for how he applied sunblock.

She eyed you, "So, you guys were gone for a whileee."

"Yeah? We went on a hike?" you asked back, confused at her tone.

"You left at 6, it almost 10," she pointed out. You paled at the realization.

"It was a long walk," you defended.

Denki snorted, "Yeah a long 'walk'," he did air quotes.

Lucky enough, Katsuki was in time to hear that comment and swatted him upside the head. Denki squawking at him.

---

The lake was calm, water a perfect temperature along with the weather. Only a few other campers were at the lake but they were a good distance away. You would be able to mess around with your group without having to worry about being too loud or press getting photos.

You guys had set out chairs next the shore and some coolers, one filled with alcohol and the other having food. When the sunblock was all applied and dried, you and Mina instantly ran in. Her challenging you to a race and easily beating you.

"Mina!" you heard Kirishima shout before he tackled Mina into the water. You stepped back from the two, seeing them actual start to drown each other.

"Hey."

You squeaked, scared of being dunked. Turning to see Sero smirking at you.

"Scared of some water?" he teased.

"I'm scared of being drowned by a pro hero, yes," you turned back to watch Mina and Kirishima start to calm down. Unfortunately seeing them start making lovey eyes and leaning in.

"I'm so thankful you and Bakugo don't do that," Sero cringed, turning away from the site.

Memories from the pond flashed through your mind, shooting a quick glance at Katsuki, who was leaned back in a foldable chair. Legs stretched out and arms crossed over his stomach. Head fully leaded back and face the sky, with a hat blocking his fat from the sun.

"I doubt me and him would ever do that," you agreed, shaking your eyes off of Katsuki.

"You guys were gone for a while this morning," he elbowed you.

You scoffed, "It's a long walk."

"Yeah sure," he laughed, "At least we didn't have to hear it."

"Nothing happened," you shoved him into the water.

Sero started making kissing noises.

"Shut up!" you hushed, looking to see if Katsuki heard. When you aw him lift his hat slightly to peak at you, you jumped Sero. Submerging him under water as you smiled back at Katsuki.

Once he put his hat back over his head you let Sero go.

"I know I'm a hero and everything but damn your strong," Sero laughed, coughing some water out.

"Don't cross me," you jokingly threatened.

"You guys seem to be doing better though, he didn't throw your shoes off his chair last night," Sero commented, voice low so others didn't hear, "Was he just off that party?"

"No, he just doesn't like his hands touched for too long," you shrugged, "He always shakes my hands off after a couple minutes."

Sero hummed, "Well I'm getting a beer, want any?"

"Nah, I'll drink the rest of my wine tonight though," you twisted in the water, letting the water swish near you.

Soon you heard Mina start giggling, so you turned and saw her and Kirishima obviously flirting. "Guys!" faked throwing up, "Get a room."

Mina groaned, "You're just like Bakugo," she stuck her tongue out at you, you doing the same.

Before you saw anything more you decided to bug Katsuki, walking out of the water and grabbing a towel to wrap around you shoulders before walking to his seat. With the new shade you moved his hat off his face.

"Hi," you smiled down at him, happy to be here.

"Hey," he returned, "Why ain't you in the water?"

"Missed you," you shrugged, "you should join us."

He hummed, looks around the lake. "We brought the paddle board right?"

"I think Kiri set it up," you looked around for it, seeing it leaned against the picnic table, "Yeah he brought it."

Katsuki stood up, stretching slightly before moving over to it. You had trouble keeping your eyes off the way his back rippled with each movement. He grabbed the paddle board and placed it in the water, "Hold it will ya?" he gave you the foot strap, making you keep it from going too far away as he walked to grab some fishing stuff.

It was small hobby he hardly got to do, but he loved it all the same. Once he grabbed a fishing pole and the right bait he walked back over to you. Setting his stuff down to the said as he grabbed the foot strap from you.

"Get on," he directed, holding the board still. Unaware you were going with you quickly put your towel down before carefully getting on, keeping yourself near the front so he had room on the back.

He handed you the paddle and his fishing gear before he joined you on the board. Taking the paddle from off your lap and pushing you guys off the shore and into the waters.

"Don't fuck on that paddle board! I want to use it later," Denki shouted from his spot next to Sero.

"Shut your damn mouth," Katsuki wacked him with the paddle once close enough.

Denki and Sero crackled out a laugh as Katsuki paddled away from them, further out into the lake.

He was mumbling under his breath. Before he could let it consume his thoughts more you spoke out, "It's beautiful here."

You looked around the lake, it was surrounded by greenery, cliff formations closing the lake in, making it feel closed off from the rest of the world. It was peaceful, Cottonwood trees shedding and filling the air with small puffs of white cotton, it looked like a dream.

"Yeah, last year you were too drunk to remember anything," he poked. Reminding you of how last year you were stumbling around half the time. You hardly remembered that trip, just the bruises that followed when you got back. You had countless scratches covering every inch of you.

You turned to shoot his a glare, seeing him looking amused at your frustration. "Well at least I had fun, you had a stick too far up your ass to have any," you shot back.

He glared at you for a second before letting his face rest again, paddling you guys into a small cove, good for fishing and still in sight of your group. Slowly you turned to face him, careful not to shake the board much.

Katsuki was tying on a hook, looking down intently at the knot. His brows furrowed as he focused. You watched as he tied it off and attached some bait before throwing it in.

Only then did he look at you, finally feeling your eyes on him. "What?"

"Just funny watching the symbol of strength tie a knot," you grinned.

He rolled his eyes. Silence took over for a moment, a heavy breath falling from his lips, "It's still all crazy to me."

"What is?" you shuffled slightly, leaning back on your hands rather then having your back hunched.

"Everything," he looked around, "Like, I really am number two."

"Yeah, you are the shit," you joked.

He shot you a look, sighing, "Not even just that, I'm second and I'm fine with it. Obviously I'll beat Deku soon, but for now I'm content."

Feeling the shift of the conversation, you joined in, "Well you've grown up a lot, you're not who you used to be in middle school anymore."

"It's weird," he looked down. Playing with the string at the end of the pole. "So much has changed but so little at the same time. I've become a top pro hero but I'm still closest to our class in UA."

"Yeah," you nodded along, watching how the sun hit his hair, " I mean, I'm in the top of my business yet I'm still dating you," you teased wanting to lift some weight from the conversation.

He looked up at you, keeping his head down, "No idea why you are. Our relationship is one of the things that haven't changed at all."

"Which is good," you finished for him.

"I mean at all," he added on, "We haven't changed our relationship since second year."

"That's not true," you frowned at him, "We've grown closer, we live together now, we go on dates," you started to list.

"You know that wasn't what I meant," he raised his head, moving to reel in the fishing pole, no longer in the mood for it. Connecting it to the side of the paddle board, securing it so he didn't have to worry about it. Same with the paddle, letting you guys drift with the wind.

"Then what do you mean?" you were trying to get him to say it. He's been hinting at it for ages but hasn't actually said it.

He raised an eyebrow at you, "Need me to spell it out?

"Yes actually."

"We've kissed five times in the total of three years, having know each other since we were fuckin' five," he explained.

"Yeah and?" you pushed.

"E' and Mina have been dating for all of three weeks officially and have probably done everything under the sun," he stated.

"What does that have to do with us?"

"It's just my fault, you've apparently have been wanting to and I've been holding you back," he confessed, shame filling his eyes as he looked at you.

"I'm fine just with you by my side," you answered, leaning up to grab his hands. A spark shooting out before you could.

"Fuck sorry," he dipped his hands in the water, then turned his watch on and his quirk off.

"Have you figured out why you spark?" you wondered, looking at his hands.

He looked back up at you, his eyes clearly searching for a way out of the conversation. His quirk activating clearly setting him far from the idea of talking about it anymore. "I just was trying to keep the watch off to test it earlier," he shrugged.

"No," you shook your head, " I meant overall."

Katsuki paused, looking back down at his hand. You wanted to comfort him, he was obviously not willing to talk about his quirk but you wanted him to confined in you.

Before you could cut in, his hands shot out and grabbed you by your knees, pulling you into him. He smirked at you, wearing his classic grin he wore in battle. The one that made you weak. Your hands flew to his chest to keep balance. "What are you doing?" you squeaked.

Instead of giving an answer he leaned down and crushed your lips in a kiss.

In just the span of a month, you doubled your kiss count with him, and made out with him.

You held your hands steady on his shoulders, letting yourself fall into the kiss, bones melting into his hold as his teeth nipped at your bottom lip.

A gasp left your lips as you tied to deepen the kiss, pushing yourself more unto him.

Unfortunately in the process of doing that, you pushed both him and yourself off the paddle board. Breaking apart before you hit the water.

You came back up laughing together.

---

Everyone only got tired of the lake way into the afternoon. Finally decided to go back for dinner. Which would take a while to set up as it is. Especially with Katsuki wanting to cook a steak on the fire. While he seasoned the steak he left Kirishima to start the fire.

You took your wine out of the cooler, quickly taking the cork out. Everyone, minus Katsuki, was well over tipsy. Having been drinking since the start of the day, so you needed to catch up.

Mina stepped to your side as you poured yourself a cup. "So," she swayed, "Bakugo's a lot calmer today than yesterday."

"Okay?" you focused on how much wine you poured yourself, having a third of your wine in one cup.

"And I saw you two on the paddle board," she hinted.

"Okay?" you took a sip of your wine, finally looking at her.

"Saw you kiss too," she stated.

You flushed, "What are you getting at?"

"Did you guys do it in the forest?" Mina asked excited.

"What?" you coughed, "No!"

"Come on, you can tell me," she pleaded, "Me and E have a bet going."

"We did not have," you lowered your voice, "sex in the forest."

She huffed, "Lame, did you at least do something?"

"Mina," you groaned, embaressed.

"You did!" Mina squealed, "What did you do?"

Katsuki heard the squeal, being only ten or so feet away, and turned his head, "You did what?"

You lost all color in your face, throat going dry. He only just started kissing you. You didn't know how'd he react you telling Mina of all people. You didn't even know if Katsuki talked about that stuff to other people, he didn't even talk about it with you.

"She's just telling me what you guys did in the forest," Mina teased.

Katsuki face flushed red.

"I didn't tell her anything!" you cut in, "She's just making stories to herself."

"Get your nose out of it racoon eyes," Katsuki spat.

You were relived he wasn't mad at you. You didn't know how you would handle that.

Picking up your cup, you decided to drown out the thought with some more alcohol. Switching to listen to the boys banter about who could get a brand and be plain faced during it. Clearly it wasn't wise to keep them near the fire. Deciding to no longer watch that shit show, which Mina joined to egg them on, you walked up to Katsuki. He was still seasoning the steaks, eyes focused as he carefully chose what to add. You stood being him, uttering a small hi before you raised on your tip-toes and rested your chin on his shoulder. Getting his view of the steak.

"Is Mina giving you a rough time?" he mumbled, voice low so the others wouldn't hear.

"Not really," you wrapped your arms around his waist, "she just really thinks we had sex."

He scoffed but didn't add anymore, he just let you watch him. Only pulling away when it was time to put the steak on the fire pit, having them hover on a small grate to cook fully.

---

You stared up fascinated by the stars, they covered the entire span of the sky. With the pollution in the city, you hardly saw the stars unless you were out in the mountains like you were now. It was a breath of fresh air in so many ways. It calmed your soul.

Every part of this camping trip did. You and Katsuki got time together, away from the stress of the world, and you got to spend it surround by your closest friends. They were always lively but you could tell they were even more alive with this trip. It's been the thing you guys talked about all summer. Planning every moment so you could live it up to the fullest. Yet, typical to the group, you guys didn't follow a single plan. The only plan you did follow was getting drunk each night. The group will have downed every last drink in the cooler by the end of tonight.

You looked back down towards the group, they were laughing at the old stories they shared from high school. It was a bond you didn't have with them. After the first year, you were back to a somewhat normal high school experience. And you'd rather forget that year, everything went horribly. You looked at the back of Katsuki's head, watching as he shook his head at what Sero said. You don't think you'd ever forget how you had smeared Katsuki's own blood on his face, trying to keep him with you. Fighting to stop his blood from flowing out of him before he pulled your hands up to his face weakly.

Tears blurred the look on his face, and you hated that you might of forgot his face. Might of had your last moments with his face foggy with tears. It ate you up inside.

The wasn't the only time you've seen him like that, and it wouldn't be the last, but it definitely set a dark tone for each day he left for work. Worried he wouldn't come back that same night. Wouldn't be there to yell at you for reading too much and not there to complain about your shows. The fact that you'd have to eat his last premade meals without him.

You worried about your friends too. You glanced at Mina. There was a day where each of your friends almost died. Mina have burned her own skin off with her quirk. It was a fate that shattered your heart, yet it happened in the hero world all too often. Denki constantly fried his own brain within an inch of life and Kirishima has broken pieces of his skin off after rough villain encounters. Hell, even Sero was almost strangled with his quirk.

Dark memories flooded your brain. Each day they sacrificed themselves yet they were sitting here without a care in the world as they sipped on their drinks. Sometimes it felt like you were the only one that cared and felt the toll, but Katsuki came home drained enough times for you to know that just isn't true. They find that saving others is worth ripping themselves apart. You shook your head at the idea. It was selfish of you, but you knew they wouldn't be selfish of themselves, so someone had to.

Not allowing yourself to fall deeper into that long fall, you took a deep breath and watch how alive they were right now. The biggest thing about knowing heroes, was that you had to live in the moment rather than the what ifs. Those would tear every inch of you apart.

The trees framing the campsite didn't look nearly as alive as your group did. They sat around the fire, poking fun at each other any chance they got. Bringing up Denki's horrible pick up lines and Kirishima's brick of a head. Their very much alive laughter echoing around your campsite.

The group was stuffed full, sitting around the campfire as they told stories. Alcohol stirring up their blood warm.

"No I swear," Denki laughed, "Bakugo literal came up to the photographer and barked."

"Shut it," Katsuki growled at him.

You were gathering supplies to make smores, craving them with the energy of camping. Arms full you walked back to Katsuki and dumped everything on his lap. "Thank you," you hummed, ignoring his protest.

Grabbing the graham-crackers from his lap you cracked one for a smore. "Can you prepare one for me too?" Katsuki asked, putting a marshmallow on a stick for both you and him.

"Breaking your diet?" you quirked a brow but prepped a smore for him as well. Placing less chocolate on his than yours because you knew he didn't care for sweets.

"Haven't had a smore since I was a kid," he confessed, handing you your stick.

"Seriously?" you were shocked, "Are you talking about that summer from when we were seven?" Recalling the last time he made a smore well. He boasted about his skills until he dropped his second one into a fire.

"Yeah," he followed your movements and put his marshmallow above the fire, letting it slowly melt.

"You guys are so cute," Mina gushed. Honestly, you were so wrapped up in your conversation with Katsuki and the memories, that you forgot about everyone else.

You felt the warm of your blush in your ears, grateful that it was dark and no one could poke fun.

"I'm serious," she whined at your silence, thinking you were disagreeing, "Childhood best friends to lovers, I mean come on! Who doesn't love that trope?!"

It was obvious she was drunk.

"Mina, you're drunk," Katsuki shook his head.

"I don't know, I agree with her. It's admirable," Kirishima followed.

"Thank you," she huffed happily.

"I don't know how you've stayed loyal for so long," Denki said, fumbling when you all gave him a weird look, "In the sense of never having a relationship with someone else before, not cheating."

Sero hummed, "Yeah, weird to know you guys haven't dated anyone but each other."

Katsuki shot you a look, you returning it all the same.

"Wait," Sero leaned forward, "Have you guys dated other people?"

"I haven't," Katsuki side eyed you as he focused back on his smore.

Mina whined your name, "Why haven't I been told this?"

"Did we go to school with them?" Denki butted in.

"It had to of been during first year right?" Sero analyzed.

"Oh my god," you shot Katsuki a glare, annoyed he pushed you into the wolves, "It was middle school." He was smug, seeing his friends basically gasp in betrayal before they heard the 'middle school.'

They let out a series of 'ohs.' The dots easily connecting for them. They never heard you mention anyone in first year, plus you dormed with them so their was no way they wouldn't of noticed someone you were dating.

"See. Not a big deal," you kicked your foot into Katsuki's. Annoyed at how he made it seem. They didn't know before because it was irrelevant. You often forgot about it entirely until he threw it in your face as a joke.

"Still, didn't you have a crush on him then?" Sero pointed out.

Making Katsuki turn his attention back on you, "Did you?" Another thing that wasn't shared

"Yes," you looked at him for a moment, "Hence why the relationship was nothing." You and Katsuki never got deep into the discussion of when your feelings started. Just deciding to date after agreeing on mutual feelings and never really resurfacing it.

You looked back at your smore, you've been absentmindedly rotating it, a little too low into the fire. It was charred. You pulled it back to sadly put into a smore. Looking at Katsuki ready marshmallow before making yours.

"Awh," you pouted, "Can we trade? Your looks better," you basically pleaded.

With a huff he gave in, "Fine."

"Thank you," you smiled at him happily. Putting your mostly charred marshmallow into his less chocolatey smore and putting his golden brown marshmallow into your chocolate heavy smore.

You looked back at the group after handing Katsuki his smore. Happy with the new arrangement.

They were in disbelief, Denki speaking up first, "We're not just moving past your previous relationship, are we?"

"Why does it matter?" Katsuki butt in, confused about how this turned into an entire conversation.

"How does it not matter?" Sero shot back, "Your entire relationship is a lie."

Katsuki rolled his eyes, "Not really. It's one small thing that you didn't know."

"It was a dumb middle school relationship," you filled in.

"Yeah, a relationship before Bakugo," Mina added on, "I need details."

Now you were rolling your eyes, "I don't even remember his name at this point, it's been like five years," you dismissed.

"You player," Denki cut in. You gave him a 'really' look, "Hey! I remember their names."

"I dated him for a week before we 'broke up,' it was hardly a relationship. I think we just dated for a school dance," you shrugged, biting into the smore Katsuki made for you. Melting into your seat at the sweet taste.

"Why'd you break up?" Kirishima questioned for the first time.

You smirked, glancing at Katsuki who was already shaking his head. Glad that the conversation could be flipped back onto him. "This dude," you pointed your thumb at him over your shoulder, looking at the group to see their reaction, "Scared him off by barking. Seems like a habit he hasn't lost."

Denki started cracking up, hunching over and spilling his beer sightly, "Why do you do that?" he laughed harder seeing Katsuki's face scrunch.

"He was dropped on his head," you answered for him.

Denki fell over sideways in his chair, the alcohol clearly making him laugh harder than usual. He always laughed when you and Katsuki bickered, but never this hard.

"Fuck you," Katsuki spat at you, "Shouldn't of given you my smore."

"You're the one that started this conversation," you shrugged, patting your stomach, "Smore was delicious though. Would of been a waste on your lame tastebuds."

"My tastebuds are normal," he argued. Kirishima laughed. "What?" Katsuki growled at him.

"Bro, you chug protein drinks and don't even wince," Kirishima answered.

"Cause I'm not a little bitch," Katsuki defended.

You and Mina cringed. "I can't believe you kiss that guy," Mina looked at you face holding pure disgust. You snorted out a laugh at Katsuki's face.

"Me either," you agreed, likely for different reasons.

"That's it," Katsuki stood up, standing in his classic gremlin stance. Arms out, hands up, and knees bent. He sparked his hands briefly, which made you oldy relived. It was nice to know he didn't have the watch constantly turning his quirk off, that wouldn't be good for him. "I'll kill you all," he stepped straight past you and marched to the others.

Denki scrambled behind a chair, pointing out at you when Katsuki stormed past you, "How come she doesn't?"

"She has to go home with me, she'll get it," Katsuki stomped towards the electric blonde. You blushed at the way Katsuki said it, knowing the others would think of it the same way as you.

"Ew," Sero gagged, "I don't want to hear about your sex life."

Katsuki's hand sparked brighter, "That's not what I meant!"

"Sureee," Mina teased, sending you a wink, "Hear that, you're gonna get it later."

You were bright red at this point. "Shut it," Katsuki all but shouted, running towards Mina. Quickly chasing her around the campsite. Mina using her acid to slide further away from him.

---

After Katsuki successfully singed everyone at least one, they gave in. Kirishima, Sero, and Denki all having cried 'uncle' when Katsuki twisted their arm behind their back. Winning easily due to them all being wasted. Katsuki quickly yelled at them to go to bed. Wanting them to sleep before the group hike early tomorrow so they were back in time to pack up to go back home.

Just like everyone else, you stumbled into the tent, similar to how you did the night before. Barely able to unzip the tent to get in, having Katsuki open it for you

"You're a mess," Katsuki chuckled, zipping the tent close behind him after he saw you stumble in.

You grumbled, grabbing the ends of your shirt and raising it above your head. It was dark enough so he'd hardly see as well as anything he would see, he saw earlier in the pond. Which was a lot more intimate than this. You also had the liquid courage of wine in your system.

"What are you doing?" Katsuki hissed.

"Huh?" you turned to look at him, shirt off your head and in your hands.

"Oh god," Katsuki snapped his head the other direction, his quirk sparking off before he quickly fumbled for his watch, turning his quirk off. "Put a shirt on."

You reach to grab your bag off the floor, setting it on the bed to put your shirt back in, grabbing a sleep shirt, "Why does it bug you?"

"Your half naked," he exclaimed in a hushed tone, not wanting the others to overhear despite them being at least twenty feet away.

"Need I remind you of the pond?" you raised your brow at him, but followed his wish. Pulling your shirt back over your head.

"That's different," he argued, looking back at you.

"I was also in a swimsuit all day," you pointed out, unhooking your bra from under your shirt.

He flushed so bright you could see it well even in the dark, "Will you stop that?"

"I'm just getting cozy," you shrugged, "You could do the same y'know?"

You pulled off your pants to slip on your sleep shorts.

"Oh my god," he groaned. You would of laughed at his dramatics but he was covering his eyes at this point.

"What's so bad about it?" you asked softly.

"You're half naked," he repeated.

You crossed your arms over your stomach, "And that's a problem?"

"Yes!" he exclaimed. Exclaimed. Eyes still covered.

"Y'know," you paused for a shaky breath, "you make me feel so insecure."

"What?" he dropped his hands from his eyes.

You looked down, "You're acting disgusted by my body."

"What?" he repeated, "That's not what-"

"Yes it is Katsuki," you cut him off. You could physically feel like heart drop at you calling him his full name and not just Kats. "You're covering your eyes and telling me to cover up. You'd think my boyfriend," you emphasized, "of three years wouldn't be appalled at the idea of my body. "

"You've got it all wrong," he step towards you, you taking a step back.

"Do I?"

"Yes, extremely," he nodded, frustrated.

"Then explain it to me," you offered, "Jolting away from my touch and hugs all these years and now wishing me to not show my skin."

"Fuck," he rubbed his hand over his face, taking a step closer to you, "I just can't handle it. It's too much for me," he admitted.

"I'm going to need you to elaborate."

"It's overwhelming, becomes all I can think about," he took a step closer, and you let him. Arms still crossed as you looked up at him. "I want you more than anything, fuck, more than being number one."

You dropped your arms to your sides, "What?" you asked softly.

"I can't let you touch me for too long because then I just want more. Can't look too long or I'll want to see more," he spoke softly, "it's fucking annoying."

"Then why haven't we..." you left off, knowing he got the hint.

"I'm fuckin scared," he ran his hands through his hair.

"Kats, there nothing to be scared of, " you tried to comfort, "What could the symbol of strength possibly be scared of?"

"Of just that."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm worried I'm going to fuckin' blow you up or something," he blurted.

You paled, expecting anything but that.

"Fuckin' see?" he sat down roughly on the air mattress, resting his elbows on his knees as he held his head in his hands.

You took a seat next to him, rubbing a hand up and down his back. "Why have you never told me?" you asked gently.

"Didn't want to bother you with this stupid shit," he slapped his hands down, looking over at you.

"It's not stupid," you shook your head at him.

"I should be over it at our grown ass age," he huffed, his eyes were getting bloodshot.

"How are you going to get over something you've never addressed?" you pointed out. Dragging his hands away from his eyes when he tried to rub at them. "Why do you think you'll do that?"

"I can't fucking control it, you see my quirk go off," he stared down at his hands.

"Do you know why it does?" you were trying to figure him out, for his sake and yours.

He sighed, "I get freaked out," he paused for a while, "I get nervous then I start freaking out about my quirk going off and it does."

"I don't see it happening in interviews?" you questioned, knowing he gets anxious in those.

He gave you a blank stare, "What are you? Stupid?"

"Hey!"

"I get nervous around you," he spelt out, "This shit only happens around you."

You flushed from head to toe. All you could do was stare at him dumbly. Mei was right. His quirk went off because of you. You couldn't help the light smile that crossed your face.

"The fuck you smilin' for?"

"I honestly just relived," you confessed, "I thought your quirk going off meant that you wanted me as far away as possible, since when I got too close you pushed me away."

"You'd think your quirk would help your dumbass brain but it doesn't," he looked at you in disbelief, "Why would I be with you?"

"It's also why I thought you kept bring up the physical touch thing," you shrugged, "Thought you were using it as your way out of the relationship."

"Why would of put up with your shit if I didn't want you?" he pointed out.

"Y'know, Mei brought up the same points," you laughed.

He groaned, "Mei knows?"

"Sorry," you apologized, "It was eating me up inside."

"It's fine," he brushed off, "I'm sorry too, didn't really think about what you thought was going on till recently."

"It's fine," you stifled a yawn.

"Tired?"

"Very," you admitted.

"Sleep, we have an early mornin'," he motioned to the bed. You happily moved up the bed, happy to get cozy under the covers next to him after he changed into his sleepwear. Watching the way the small light of the flashlight, used to light your way to the tent, created shadows over the span of his back. It was always a welcomed site to see. It felt even better now, knowing that he wanted you in the same way you wanted him.

"It's fuckin' cold," you mumbled, holding the blanket over your cheeks as you curled up.

Without saying a word, Katsuki pulled you into his side. He was a human furnace, so you instantly melted into his side. Flushed with the closeness. Having gone three years with no touch, to making out in a pond and cuddling in bed together in the same day.

The relief the conversation gave you was insane, you no longer felt disgusted and you no longer felt like he wanted out of the relationship.

This camping trip lifted more than a small weight off your shoulders, but all the insecurities and worries of your relationship along with it. Progress in the right direction could finally be made, rather than the stand still you've been at this entire time.

You let out a sigh of relief, curling into his side more as you let sleep cloud your brain.

-Next Part-

I did not expect this to be so damn long, fuck. I've written this in two days and it's literally the longest thing I've ever written for a chapter. I hoped you like the camping trip, it was fun to write and I hope I illustrated it well enough. Thank you <3

In them m.list of this fic comment if you want to be added into a tag list <3

I'll no longer add people to the taglist if they haven't commented there. It's too much to keep up with all the new part. Hope you understand <3

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[ckret2]

Chapter 96 of human Bill Cipher kinda just vibing in the Mystery Shack with Mabel at this point: the girls interrogate Bill about his love life; Bill emotionally bonds with... *spins a wheel* ...Grenda; Bill and Ford have a moment that means a lot more to Bill than Ford realizes; and a monster comes to town.

The girls had taken a snack break in between movies; and Bill had left them in the living room singing "I Love 2 Believe U Believe N Our Love" while he went into the kitchen to grab a drink.

He longingly eyed the cider six-pack he was currently working on. This was about the time of night he usually ran out of distractions and energy and resorted to drinking himself past the nighttime racing thoughts, and his body knew it. The mug he'd had at Skull Fracture had barely given him a buzz that had already faded. He was itching for another drink. It didn't help that last night he'd missed his usual dose of medicine, what with dealing with Powers...

With a sigh, he passed it over. He was already sleep deprived; if he wanted to keep up with these kids, he had to have a sharp mind tonight. Instead he picked up the coffee pot, chugged the stale dregs at the bottom, squeezed a packet of soy sauce down his throat as a chaser, and headed back into the living room.

As he came in, Grenda was saying, "Oh, Marius? Yeah, it's going alright! We talked about how clingy he is, it's cool now. He's taking me skiing in August!"

"I am full of envy," Candy sighed, draped tragically off the edge of the sofa. "Does Marius have any cute single prince friends?"

"I don't know! I can ask!"

Candy raised her fists in the air. "Yesss."

"Hey Mabel," Grenda asked. "Do you want a blind date with a hot European prince too?"

Mabel sighed deeply. She was laying flat on the floor, one hand absentmindedly scratching Waddles's head. "I don't know," she said. "I'd like a date. Seeing the people around me find love makes me want that, too. But I spent all last summer trying to get a boyfriend and all I got was disappointment. And you guys know all about that thing with the robot and the Sadie Hawkins dance..."

Candy and Grenda nodded sympathetically.

"I think that was my last straw."

(Bill quietly died inside as he realized he had no idea what she was talking about, but he couldn't ask without revealing he didn't know something that big about the timeline Mabel was on. He'd only missed a few months of earth time—no big deal if you were an all-powerful all-seeing eye—but what a difference it made if you were stuck as a human.)

"Aw, c'mon, Mabel," Grenda said. "Don't be like that. You're too young and beautiful to give up on love!"

"I know, I know. I haven't given up, I just... think I might've been chasing love too hard? Maybe I'll try again if the perfect guy just falls out of the sky and crashes into my window! Buuut i'm not wasting my time looking anymore. From now on, the boys have to come to me." She sat up to flop on Waddles's back. "This is the only boy I need!" Waddles snorted in his sleep.

"Smart," Candy said. "You are a catch! Any boy who won't chase you isn't worth your time!"

"Exactly!" Mabel said. "Until then, I'm focused on matchmaking other people." She sat up. "Speaking of which..."

All three girls turned to grin evilly at Bill.

Bill perched uncomfortably on the edge of a sofa cushion and wondered if he should be trying to escape the room before it was too late.

"Soo-oo-oo," Grenda said, eyebrows waggling. 

This was it, the interrogation over Bloody Mary. He prepared to bolt from the room. "What."

"How about that secret agent?"

"Oh!" Not quite as bad as he'd been expecting. When had Mabel told them about that? Bill laughed nervously. "That was just a job! I'm not interested in the agent."

"Yeah, but you got along, riiight?" Candy crossed her legs, propped her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands, and leaned into Bill's personal space bubble. "Did you kiiiss?"

He wasn't about to tell them just how far they'd left kissing in the dust. "Uh, yeah, but—"

Mabel shoved straight past the personal space bubble and propped her elbows on Bill's knees. "Would you see him again?!"

"No way!"

"Aw, c'mon!"

Grenda said, "Aren't you on the run for war crimes or something? That'd make dating a secret agent super dangerous."

"Way more romantic though," Candy said.

Grenda nodded, "Way more!"

"Look look look," Bill said. "I can appreciate the noir star-crossed femme fatale narrative you kids are trying to write for me. But it's not gonna happen. He's not my type. We don't even agree on politics!"

"What politics do you disagree on?" Candy asked.

"He thinks President Trembley is a raving lunatic—but in a bad way. I think he's a genius visionary whose policies are centuries ahead of his time." Which was why he'd slipped Trembley a little dream tip to preserve himself until the rest of the world was ready for his brilliance. The peanut brittle, however, had been entirely Trembley's own idea. "That's a total dealbreaker!"

"Aw, whaaat?" Mabel scrunched up her face. "Trembley's awesome, who could hate him!"

"I know!" Bill poked Mabel's nose. "You're breathing my air, kid. Get your own."

Mabel got out of Bill's face and flopped on Waddles again. "So if Agent Powers isn't your type... what is? I bet we could find somebody in town for you! No dodging the question this time!"

Candy said, "You're surrounded and outnumbered!"

"This is a sleepover so you can't leave!" Grenda jumped up and blocked the doorway with her arms outstretched. "You've gotta answer!"

"You can't make me do anything! I plead the fifth! I know my rights!"

Candy narrowed her eyes. "Maybe we can guess what you're into. We know it includes Bloody Mary."

He should've made a run for it while he had a chance.

"Yeah!" Mabel said. "What's with that? What's the story there?"

"Nothing! I shouldn't have called her my ex, she's not my ex. In fact, we barely know each other. We just hang out in the same social circles sometimes. I don't even know her last name."

"Yeah right," Candy said. "Okay, so—are you into long, straight hair?"

"And skinny girls," Mabel added. "Super skinny! Bony! Literally just bones!"

"And he said he likes her dress," Grenda said. "I don't actually remember what her dress looked like! I was busy staring at the blood!"

Loudly, Bill said, "You're all ice cold! Not even close!"

"Is it her personality?" Candy asked. "What's her personality like?"

Mabel said, "We can compare and contrast his exes! He told me what his last girlfriend was like." A thoughtful look crossed her face as she began to put two and two together. "And... wasn't there a president that you—"

"All right fine I'll talk," Bill said quickly. "I surrender. You girls are persistent!"

The girls crowded around him. "Spill," Candy commanded.

"You said you like freaks, right?" Mabel asked.

"No I didn't. When did I say that?"

"I dunno, a while ago."

Huh. Well, it was true, so he must have. "Yeah, that's pretty high up on my criteria. Freaks and weirdos! They've gotta lean into it, though. If they spend all their time trying to be normal, they're more boring than the normies they're imitating."

"What kind of freaks," Mabel asked. "Like, people with antlers?"

"Sure, I'd give 'em a shot!"

Candy asked, "Tattooed ladies?"

"Absolutely! There's nothing better than a self-made freak."

"What do you think about bearded ladies?" Grenda asked carefully.

Bill grimaced and tried to picture it. Seemed pretty normal to him. Sometimes he forgot which humans were supposed to have what facial hair. "I'm gonna be frank, that doesn't even register as freaky to me. But, sure, beards are fine." Humans had such a bizarre fur pattern—a fluffy little puff on top, an optional fluffy little puff on the chin, a few strips over the eyes and under the arms and between the legs, a sparse covering that served little practical purpose spread in patches everywhere else—it was hilarious to look at. Made humans cute, in a sort of pathetic way. Like a poorly-shaved poodle.

Grenda seemed relieved at the answer.

Candy threw in, "What about piano-playing contortionists who can put their feet on top of the piano while they play?"

"Oho! If you know one, get me their number!"

Mabel said, "Okay, so what else besides freaks?"

"Pff..." He rolled his eye up as he thought. "Oh, you know, other kinds of nonconformists. Criminals, psych ward escapees—never date in the ward though, d'you know how wolves in captivity will go full Lord of the Flies on each other and start fighting over who's king?—uhh, psychics, wanna-be prophets, those nuts who put off college to go backpacking across a continent..."

"Poets?" Grenda asked.

"Only if their poetry doesn't suck."

Candy asked, "Anime fans?"

"Never," Bill said. "Oh, and I need someone who's fun enough to keep up with my lifestyle. I'm a hard partier, they've gotta match my energy. And they've got to be ready to spend some serious moolah on me. I'm not a cheap date! Plus they need to worship the ground I walk on, do anything I want, and believe everything I say."

The girls nodded along to his list. "That sounds reasonable," Candy said. Grenda agreed, "Respect and trust is important!"

"Right?! If more of my exes understood that, we wouldn't need to have this conversation! Speaking of—I've got a reputation. I'm something of a bad boy! Whoever I'm with has gotta be 100% okay with eyeballs-to-the-walls crazy..."

####

"...preferably somebody bright enough that talking to them is more intellectually stimulating than talking to myself—which is a high standard! I can be friends with an idiot, and I can be fffphysical buddies with an idiot, but I can't date an idiot. Unless they're a really, really rich idiot." Bill was laying on his back, legs over the sofa armrest, talking toward the ceiling: "And it doesn't hurt if they're the tortured artist type. I'm a complete sucker for a tortured artist! It's my only weakness. If somebody with a Göthhäus band shirt and haunted look in their eye asks to draw me, pffft, that's it, I'm done for. I'll do anything they want!"

"Good to know, good to know..." Mabel was furiously taking notes. She'd filled up six pages and was working on a seventh.

"But most importantly: I need somebody who gets me. That's—that's a lot rarer than you think. Nobody can truly understand me unless they've been through what I've been through." He squinted mysteriously toward the ceiling. "I've lived a complicated life."

The girls absorbed this in thoughtful silence, contemplating the depths of their mysterious friend's unfathomable history.

Then Mabel chucked the seventh page aside, grabbed another, and asked, "So what do you want your dream partner to look like!"

"Oh, well," Bill said, "pretty eyes are the most important thing—the more, the better—but that's easy, every species on this planet has pretty eyes. Love vivid coloration; extra points for iridescence, multiple hues, or color changing. Not a big fan of people with heads. Venoms and poisons are always a sexy little bonus, but not the numbing kind, it's gotta really sting."

Mabel stopped writing, staring at Bill.

Candy said, "That... opens up some options."

Mabel nodded slowly. "Thanks for the info! Don't worry, I'll find you your dream guy. Or girl. Or... monster or whatever. I'm on the case!"

Bill asked, "Kid, why are you so determined to set me up with someone anyway? It's not like I've said I'm looking for love. Are you just trying to keep me away from other prey, or...?"

Mabel looked Bill in the eye and said solemnly, "I think love would fix you."

"Ha! Okay, sure!" It had never "fixed" him before, but who was he to argue with the power of love and Mabel.

####

"You're sleeping through the best part of the movie," Mabel complained. "You're missing the whole dance battle for the fate of the world!"

"I'm not asleep," Bill said, laying on the sofa with his eyes shut, sound asleep. "I'm just appreciating the sound design."

"Yeah, right." Mabel poked his arm. He poked her head.

As the credits rolled, Candy jumped to her feet and ran from the room. "BRB, toilet break! Don't start the next movie without me!"

"Oh, me too!" Mabel ran after her.

Grenda waited until they were gone; then crouched next to the couch and poked Bill herself. "Hey. Gold-o. Are you awake?"

"Yes," Bill lied.

"Can I ask you some stuff?"

Sounded like he needed to be awake for this. He cracked open an eye; the dim views from his other eyes around the shack fizzled out. "What kind of stuff?"

"Like, uh..." Grenda sat back, wrapping her arms around her knees. "You're a guy, right?"

Was that what he'd told them last time? He didn't remember. It sounded likely, though. "More or less, sure."

"But you have boobs," Grenda said.

Astute observation. No no, no getting sarcastic with Mabel's friends, keep that one to yourself. "Sure do!"

"So... um... do you have, like..." Grenda lowered her voice, awkwardly fiddling with the hem of her nightgown, "a hormone problem, or..."

Aha. Grenda was looking for common ground. She was going through those awkward body changes pubescent humans had and grappling with the fact that hers were awkward in a way none of her peers' were. Bill might not have cared about who had what facial hair, but he knew the humans did, and sometimes they could be so uptight about their reproductive binary.

Bill sat up—he probably wouldn't be getting back to sleep for a while. He mentally flipped through the potential realities he could invent, and then—why not?—he settled on the one that had the best odds of winning this kid's loyalty for life. He could always use more devotees who looked at him like he'd hung the stars in the sky. "Nail on the head, Grend-o." It wasn't entirely untrue. He did have a hormone problem. His problem was that he was in a body with hormones.

A relieved smile broke out across Grenda's face. "Cool!" she said. "I mean not cool. It's the worst! But I have one, too!"

"Wow, you don't say," said Bill, who was fully aware of the medical history of Grenda, Grenda's mom, and Grenda's grandmother.

"I hate it," Grenda said. "When the other girls at school started growing boobs, I started growing a mustache! Any time somebody looks at my face, I'm afraid they're gonna notice and start making fun of me!" She clapped her hands over her mouth and cheeks, as though she was afraid somebody might be staring at her right now. "Even when I shave I'm afraid everybody will see my stubble!"

"You've got nothing to worry about," Bill said. "It's unnoticeable." (He noticed, but that was the All-Seeing Eye's job.)

"That's what my mom says." By her tone, she didn't find it very convincing when her mom said it, either. She gave Bill a big-eyed, hopeful look. "Are you worried people will make fun of you for having boobs?"

"Eh," Bill spread his hands apathetically, "I'm fat enough to get away with it. People expect that." He'd actually had a pretty remarkable success rate with getting people in town to view him as male with only a little prompting—though part of that was probably the culture in town.

But Grenda was still looking at him hopefully. She didn't want to hear that everything was great and he was doing just fine. She wanted somebody who could empathize with her.

"Buuut it was harder when I was younger." Bill pulled up a mental list of human puberty side effects in case she needed any made-up symptoms to solidify his credentials as a kindred spirit. "And I don't exactly spend all my time in a hoodie because I like people looking at my body." (That was true.)

"Ugh, yeah! Tight clothes make me feel weird. Puberty! I hate it!" Grenda flopped back on the ground. "My mom and my friends and Marius tell me I'm pretty, but..."

"But it doesn't help, does it."

Grenda shook her head.

"Now, me? I'm gorgeous," Bill said. "9 out of 10. I'm just about as handsome as a human can get."

"Do you really believe that?"

"Sure I do."

"Hmm." Grenda stared at the ceiling thoughtfully.

"And I still hate this body."

And he had Grenda's attention again. She sat up to look at him.

"Who cares if this body looks pretty if it doesn't look like me," Bill said, smiling bitterly. "Everyone on the planet could call me good-looking—and they'd be right!—but it feels like they're complimenting a stranger and I'm getting the credit. Worse, they're complimenting me for something I don't want to be!"

"Yeah!" Grenda blinked heavily. "Yeah, I-I don't want everyone to tell me I'm pretty! I just wanna look different! I wanna be less hairy and I wanna have smaller shoulders and I wanna be skinny and I want my old voice back and—and..." Her voice cracked. She furiously rubbed her eyes against the back of her arm.

Ah, heck, he'd made a kid cry. Hopefully it was one of those catharsis things and he wouldn't get in trouble for this, but he'd just doubled the amount of effort he had to put into this conversation. All right, buckle up Cipher, time to dust off the compassionate mentor act again.

"Hey. Hey, c'mon. It's not that bad." He slid off the sofa, sat by Grenda, and slid an arm around her shoulder. This was always the worst part of dealing with emotionally unstable humans he wasn't personally invested in.

Voice thick, Grenda asked, "How do you deal with it?"

Haha. How did he deal with it? Drank away the urge to claw off his own skin. Hid his depressingly alien shape under baggy clothes. Burned off his hair. Regrew his hair. Covered the mirrors. Dreamed he was a triangle.

He was taking too long to answer. He searched for a response that wouldn't get his sleepover privileges revoked if Grenda repeated what he said to an adult. He didn't want to say I don't know, he didn't want to say badly—he wasn't about to admit that to anyone, much less a half-grown human on the cusp of looking up to him. He was tough, he was a champion, he had all the answers. What would somebody who'd already solved this problem say?

"Nobody's gonna tell you this, but loving your body is optional. It's good enough just to get along with it." The words rang false in his mouth. He was picking and choosing advice he'd overheard humans give each other back when he had trillions of eyes to spy on their conversations, but he couldn't imagine getting along with the body he was in. He soldiered on anyway: "Just... don't worry about how it looks. Let it look however it wants to look, who cares! Focus on what it does for you that's useful."

Grenda sniffled and nodded. "What do you focus on?"

Ouch, way to put him on the spot. His honest answer was that this body was a downgrade from his true form in just about every conceivable way; the few genuine positives (he did like binocular vision and the ability to physically interact with Dimension 46'\) would just bring up more questions; and he went blank on lies (believable lies, anyway—no way he'd convince her that he'd gone to the Olympics). He grasped for something else. "Me? I like dancing!"

Grenda nodded; then she flung her arms around Bill, hugging him tight enough to squeeze the breath out of his lungs. "Thanks."

Right answer. He'd won this kid's loyalty for life, and he was guaranteed to get another gold star from Mabel for being so nice to one of her friends. Not bad for a night's work. "And if that doesn't work, there's always plan B: makeup, hormones, and plastic surgery!"

Grenda laughed weakly. "Mom says we're gonna talk about hormones at my next doctor's appointment."

"See? You're just going through an awkward phase. Sure, it's more awkward than most kids', but you'll come out of the other side of it just fine, guaranteed!"

Bill, on the other hand, was uncomfortably aware of his stretchy skin and his awkward bones and all the slippery pulsing meat in between.

He wasn't getting out of his awkward phase until he got out of this body.

####

After anime night, when Soos had parked his truck at the shack and everyone had climbed out, Ford immediately headed inside; but Melody and Soos lingered outside. "So, uh..." Soos pointed toward Melody's car, which she'd parked at the shack that morning for work. "Gonna head back to your aunt's?" The implicit follow-up: or, do you want to stay over?

Leaving had been the plan; since Bill had started haunting the shack and Soos's bedroom had stopped being a safe refuge from Melody's sleep paralysis nightmares, she'd started staying with her aunt the way she had last summer.

But if she was gonna get sleep paralysis no matter what, she'd rather wake up next to her fiancé than alone. She missed Soos. Tonight, she missed Soos more than she feared Bill.

"You know—it really is late," Melody said. "It's probably best if I don't try to drive at this hour."

Soos's face lit up. "You sure?"

"Sure I'm sure." She wrapped her arms around Soos and pecked his lips. "Besides—I like my blanket here better than the one at my aunt's."

"Oh, really? It's just a tiger stripe blanket I got cuz it makes me think of Tiger Fist, I was actually thinking about upgrading... to..." Soos trailed off. "Oh wait. You meant I'm your blanket."

Melody laughed. "I totally meant you." They headed in together, arms wrapped around each other's waists. "What would you upgrade that blanket to?"

"I was thinking about getting an official Tiger Fist blanket."

"Sounds perfect. We could get orange bed sheets too."

"Nice, color coordination!"

She froze in the entryway, making Soos stop with her.

Mabel and her friends were asleep in the living room with the lights still on, splayed over various pieces of furniture.

But Bill wasn't with them. He was sitting on the bottom stair, leaning against the wall, just outside the light cast from the living room.

Soos whispered, "I think he's asleep. He does that on the stairs sometimes?"

Melody nodded. It was fine. He was just a human now. She walked carefully to the stairs, trying to avoid any creaking boards.

She'd barely set her foot on the bottom step when Bill's eyes flew open. "Need me to move—?"

Melody squeaked, reflexively kicked Bill, and bolted halfway up the stairs. Bill parried her kick with one arm, laughing shrilly.

"I'm so sorry I didn't mean to kick you—" Melody caught her breath. "Hey! Did you do that on purpose?!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Bill said unconvincingly. "All I did was ask if you want me to move! I'm trying to be helpful!"

Sure he was. Melody gave him a dark look; but stomped upstairs rather than get into a fight.

Soos stopped next to Bill, gave him his most disapproving and disappointed, "Dude," and then hurried after Melody.

Ruffled two birds' feathers with one stone. Bill smirked up after them; then settled back against the wall to sleep again.

And immediately opened his eye back up when he heard someone approaching. He turned his body to looked up at Ford. "Can I help you?"

"I heard a scream."

Bill pointed up the stairs with his thumb. "Melody didn't notice me on the stairs until she nearly stepped on me."

"Ah." Ford surveyed the scene. Light from the living room, Bill in the shadows—sure, maybe her eyes weren't adjusted to the dark to see Bill. Story checked out as plausible enough not to question. "You really shouldn't sleep on the stairs like that."

"M'keeping my eye on the kids." Bill yawned. "What's that look for?"

"What look?"

"You keep looking me up and down."

Ford flinched. Oh. He supposed he had been. "You, er—I just noticed that you... turned your whole torso toward me to talk."

"Yeah?" Bill said. "So?"

"Most humans would only turn their heads."

"Yeah? So?"

"Ah." Ford self-consciously stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I... suppose you turn your torso because you didn't have a neck to turn for most of your existence. It just—stands out to me. That your body language sometimes still reflects your..." he bobbed his head, trying to think of a fitting word. "Your... triangularity?"

"Oh." Bill's face was blank in the shadows. "Well—sure! I've never been a fan of necks anyway."

"No?" Weird thing to say. (Weird if Bill had been a human, anyway.) "Are they... What, is it something about the anatomy?"

"Just an aesthetic preference! I think they look goofy." Bill spread his hands dismissively. "A torso with a head always looks to me like a cell halfway through lopsided mitosis. It makes me wanna help out and pinch the head off!"

"There, you did it again."

"What?"

"You tend to shrug with your hands and arms instead of your shoulders. You move them like..." He copied Bill's dismissive gesture, felt foolish, and stuffed his hands back in his pockets. "Why am I telling you how you move. Sorry. I know better than to call attention to someone for, ah—looking weird."

"Weird's just another word for interesting, Sixer!" Bill stretched out, propping an elbow on a higher stair step, his cheek against his hand, and his other hand on his hip. "Feel free to observe me any time you want, o scientist. For a human, you always make such interesting observations."

"Is that just another word for 'weird observations'?"

"All the most interesting observations are!"

Ford huffed, shook his head, and headed back to the guest room.

And Bill leaned against the wall again, thoughtfully. His body language "reflected his triangularity," huh. Maybe the ghost was still in the machine. It was reassuring to think it was.

Reassuring that Ford was still looking for it, rather than seeing Bill as a human.

####

Melody woke in the middle of the night.

She felt trapped beneath Soos's tiger stripe blanket, like it was too heavy to move, smothering her skin. It was too heavy for her to lift her lungs. The bed was too soft; she was sinking into it like quicksand. She couldn't climb out.

Bill Cipher—his shape triangular and sharpened like the knapped edges of an arrowhead, his yellow flesh textured like the mushy skin of an overripe banana—clung with black branch limbs to the ceiling above her like a spider, eye wide and bloodshot.

Melody was getting really tired of the latest form her sleep paralysis nightmares were taking.

It dropped at her face. She squeezed her eyes shut tight, refusing to look at it until she could move again. She heard its hissing breath in her ear, felt it reaching through the blanket like a ghost to claw at her arms—

Then nothing.

She sat bolt upright with a gasp. The dream was gone, as it always was. Nothing on the ceiling. No scratches on her arms. She sighed.

If she went back to sleep, though, she'd fall right back into the same dream, and she'd spend an unpleasant half hour yo-yoing back and forth between half-asleep and half-awake. She had to keep herself awake long enough for the remaining dream gunk to clear out of her head before she could go back to sleep... by which time she'd be fully awake and it would take her another hour to fall back asleep.

Soos stirred beside her. "Mmwussup?"

"Sorry," Melody sighed. "Sleep paralysis."

"Again?" He rolled over and wrapped his arms around her.

"Yeah. Third time this week." And two of those times while spending the night at the Mystery Shack. "I haven't had sleep paralysis this bad since college."

She'd been majoring in folklore, in her third year, and gearing up for a big research project in her fourth year; she'd chosen to study the evolution of unicorn legends after the Renaissance. But shortly after choosing her topic and going into finals season, the stress of her college workload had caught up to her—she'd started waking up from nightmares multiple times a week and could barely function in class. She'd missed one final paper and flunked one final exam before she realized there was no salvaging this semester and withdrew on mental health grounds.

Her family concluded she must've been burnt out—her mom suffered from sleep paralysis too, the family was old hat at using poor sleep to gauge subconscious stress—so Melody took a semester off. But when she tried to register for the next semester her nightmares came back and her anxiety flared back up; so she'd taken the full year off, gone to visit her aunt in Gravity Falls for a summer to see if getting out of the city and clearing her head helped, and here she was.

The idle sleepless year she'd spent trying to recover from burnout had been the worst of her life, and the year she'd spent in Gravity Falls with Soos had been the best. She didn't want her mental health to backslide because of Bill.

"If this keeps up, I... might have to stop spending the night here," Melody said. "I'm sorry, Soos. I don't want to stop coming, but I can't keep going without sleep."

Sadly, Soos said, "My protective cuddly aura... is failing..."

"Shhh, Soos." Melody chuckled tiredly. "It's not your fault."

"I know. I just wish I could, like..." Soos shadowboxed vaguely into the air. "Punch your bad dreams for you. You know? I hate not being able to help."

"Thanks." Melody kissed him lightly. "You're helping just by being here."

All the same, Melody wished Soos could punch her sleep paralysis nightmares, too. It was too bad they were just figments of her subconscious.

####

Coffee had been a bad idea. Now that the girls had conked out, Bill was the only one still up, dozing but not sleeping. A can of cider couldn't hurt—nobody would get on his case for drinking at a sleepover after the kids were asleep, right?

He was standing in the kitchen and halfway through a can when he heard something wrong.

He peered into the entryway. "Yello?" There was no answer. Just an ominous, hair-raising scraping that cut through the silence. It was coming from above.

Bill crept out of the kitchen, looking up the stairs, keeping close to the wall—putting himself in between the staircase and the living room doorway. "Hellooo?" He peered up into the dark.

There was something slender and misshapen up on the landing. Just around the corner, stiff body tilting out into view at an angle that defied gravity, head cocked unnaturally so only one wide unblinking eye was visible.

Bill met its gaze with a single open eye. He said, with the voice of a burnt-out minimum-wage shelf-stocker who'd just caught a customer in the staff room and who was on his last day at this job and consequently feared no god nor customer: "'Scuse me, can I help you?"

In a flash, the thing stagger-lurched on all fours down the stairs, torso twisted and limbs akimbo in all the wrong directions, and jerked upright in front of Bill, face far too long and head tilted, one wide icy eye staring into Bill's from beneath long limp tangled bangs, letting out a deathly wheeze like a strangled train whistle—

Bill immediately grinned in relief, as though the customer in the staff room had turned around and he'd recognized them as a new hire with a name tag on. "Ohh! Oh, you're a nightmare! Haha, sorry pal, at first glance I thought you were some ghost squatter trying to move in! Either that or this tokoloshe I owe— Well, point is, there are too many people under this roof already and we do not need another roommate." He waved off the nightmare and leaned against the wall. "Didn't realize you were here for work! Don't let me get in your way, buddy."

The nightmare stared silently at him.

"Oh—if you're after one of the Pines, lemme know. I've been in most of their dreams, I know what really haunts 'em." He gestured toward the three girls in the living room. "Not that Pines, though. She's under my protection." He tipped back his cider can to drain it, wheeling around to head back into the kitchen as he did. He held the empty can over the trash, let go; the can hovered in the air, twisted itself up and crushed down into a flat disk, and dropped.

The nightmare stared at this human who moved with strange slightly-inhuman jerks, elbows held out to the side in an unnatural way, moving through total darkness completely unhindered, one eye shut and the other reflecting the dim light—fully awake, yet able to see the nightmare. Voice raspy, it cautiously asked, "What—are you?"

"Someone in a similar line of work." Bill's smile was wide enough to show off his fae tooth.

Not breaking eye contact, the nightmare's features melted off as it backed away from the human, leaving only impenetrable shadow and bright red pinprick eyes; it sank into the house's shadows and slunk out beneath the door. It was creeped out. This human was creepy.

Not a very social guy, was it? Now that Bill thought about it, it was probably just here for Melody. Well—if that was the case, he was sure he'd see it around again.

####

(The mentions of Bloody Mary were added post-TBOB. And I rewrote the paragraph where Bill talks about being attracted to outsiders to specify "criminals and psych ward escapees" since in TBOB he makes a point of how those are the people he helped set free after he took over the Nightmare Realm.

The next plot arc we're moving into is about the sleep paralysis nightmare! Without giving any spoilers, I'm gonna say up front: you're gonna read it and think the lore was inspired by details from TBOB. It was not. I came up with my lore a year ago; and TBOB matched it, so I slid TBOB in as supporting details to what I had already plotted. I'll explain in more depth once y'all get a chance to see what I mean.)

[whorekneecentral]

merry smutmas series

hi besties!! since I'm skipping out on kinktober this year, I figured I wouldn’t be fair for me to leave you guys without some sort of holiday treat so here we go again. 

I won’t be able to fit everyone into this series cause with would have taken me forever so between classes and other fics, I’ve been working on this since august lmao. I hope y’all enjoy these as much as I enjoyed writing it &lt;33 // massive thank you to @oconso for the banners and to @themandaloriansdiaries for all the help plotting and for listening to my complaining <3

running from: November 1st to December 31st - every Tuesday, Thursday and on the weekends

tagged under: merry smutmas xoxo 

November 1st: Sebastian Vettel - Sticky Fingers 

Your husband spends his first Christmas at home since his retirement and he went a little.. a lot over board. 

November 4th: Trent Alexander Arnold - As Red As My Stockings 

Trent’s crush on the pretty physio is well known amongst the players. They make sure to help him fulfil one last Christmas wish before you all head home for the holidays.

November 5th: Pato O’Ward - Snow Storms 

Your boyfriend insists the roads are fine to drive despite the massive incoming snow storm; as someone who grew up in cold weather, you knew better. yet, there you were stuck on the side of the road with him in the snow. 

November 7th: Ruben Dias - Miss Me, Miss Me

Your brother holds his annual Christmas party and you’re forced to spend the afternoon with the one person you had been avoiding all season but tis’ the season you guess. (stones!reader)

November 9th: Pierre Gasly - Cocoa

You have your boyfriend drive all around the city until you find the one thing you were looking for. When you finally find it, you decide you want something else. 

November 11th: Ben Chilwell - Snowflakes On The Glass 

Ben insists on having a snowball fight when he wakes up to the massive snowfall but you want nothing more than to stay in bed. 

November 12th: Kimi Raikkonen - Only The Best For You 

Kimi spends the holidays with his old friends. He doesn’t forget you; bringing you exactly what you had been wishing for and you make sure to thank him.. properly. (dad’s best friend!kimi) 

November 14th: Lucas Paquetá - Spin Me Around 

Lucas busts out the champagne and the streamers to celebrate the new years in your new place. 

November 16th: Yuki Tsunoda - Sous Chef 

Yuki finds himself more fascinated by the woman cooking than the food on his plate for once. (chef!reader) 

November 18th: Erling Haaland - Christmas On The Farm 

Erling takes you home to spend the holidays at the Haaland Family Farm and you two end up being the only ones there. 

November 19th: Lance Stroll - Old Friends 

Lance gets an invitation to an old teammate’s place to ring in the new year but he finds himself too distracted by someone in particular to care about the ball dropping (vettel!reader)

November 21st: Jude Bellingham - Ugliest Sweater Wins

Jude is invited to Luka’s Christmas party, an ugly Christmas sweater party to be exact. It took a bit of convincing but you got him to go. 

November 23rd: Daniel Ricciardo - The Flash Of The Camera 

You enlist Daniel to help you with your Christmas gift for him. 

November 25th: John Stones - Black Out 

Your boyfriend blows a fuse with the Christmas lights and you’re stuck in the dark, but you find a way to make the best of it. 

November 26th: Fernando Alonso - Your Pick 

Fernando enlists the help of a certain someone to get his Christmas shopping done but the list is oddly familiar (pr officer!reader)  

November 28th: Kostas Tsimikas - The Smell Of The Holidays 

You over baked for your niece’s holiday bake sale so you do the neighbourly thing and share with your neighbour, Kostas and his two puppies.

November 30th: Toto Wolff - Winter Wonderland 

Your husband skips out on Christmas every year due to work but this year, he ends up in London. You make it your mission to introduce him to some holiday fun.

December 2nd: Christian Pulisic - Ho Ho Hoe

You find a pair of Christmas boxers in Christian’s drawers and decide to tease him about it. 

December 3rd: Mick Schumacher - Merry Ruff-mas 

Angie goes missing the day before Christmas and Mick finds her at the neighbouring ranch, wrapped up with ribbon and bows. 

December 5th: Jordan Henderson - Shivers

Jordan comes in after shovelling the driveway and keeps trying to love on you. You tell him that you can feel how cold he is but he makes sure to show you what cold really feels like. 

December 7th: Lewis Hamilton - Tis’ The Season 

An old friend finds his way to you front door and no matter how much you try to get rid of him, you can’t. 

December 9th: Dominik Szoboszlai - Come Home 

The two of you are separated over the holidays and you’re missing each other a little too much to keep this going. 

December 10th: Charles Leclerc - The Night Before Christmas 

A massive snow storm delays Charles’ flight home for the holidays and you both begin to give up hope but a Christmas miracle occurs.

December 12th: Virgil Van Dijk - Holiday Greetings 

You send your old friend a Christmas card every year and when he sees that a certain someone was no longer in the picture, he pays you a long overdue visit. 

December 14th: Mark Webber - A New Term 

You send your professor an email over the winter break and the man wonders why you’re still working, urging you to come out and relax like everyone else. (Professor!Webber) 

December 16th: Thiago Alcantara - Bubbles 

You find yourself aching from all the holiday prep and your husband being the good man that he was, makes sure you’re feeling okay after a long day. 

December 17th: Jenson Button - A Sandy Christmas 

Jenson takes you on a dream vacation over the holidays but still makes sure you’ve got a gift to open come Christmas morning. (Sugar Daddy!Jenson) 

December 19th: Kylian Mbappe - Family’s Growing 

Kylian finds himself swooning over how good you are with his niece and nephew, the thought of having a family with you spins around his head. 

December 21st: Carlos Sainz Jr - Traditions 

Coming back from Christmas with your family, the two of you return to Spain to celebrate new years with his family and all their traditions. 

December 23rd: Andy Robertson - Mistletoe Means Kisses 

The overpowering smell of mistletoe hits you when you walk into he house, your husband came up with his own plan while you were out. 

December 24th: George Russell - A New Tradition 

You and George spend your first Christmas together and you mash together the traditions from both of your families. 

December 26th: Jack Grealish - Always Around 

A wild new years night out leaves you bumping the same person over and over again. 

December 28th: Esteban Ocon - The Gift Of Giving 

Esteban takes a liking to the barista that works at the cafe near his place. He finally works up the courage to ask her out in time for the holidays. 

December 30th: Sergio Ramos - Secret Santa 

The players and the staff play secret Santa every year; they write a letter, toss in a box and everyone picks. Sergio some how lands on the person he’s always had a soft spot for. 

December 31st: Max Verstappen - Time Is Running Out 

Max wasn’t one for resolutions but as the clock counts down the hours to new years, he finds himself running to resolve the biggest resolution on his list; you. 

[ovadzs]

“the alchemy”

Summary: You are a screenwriter, coming to Monaco to work on a new show, and you decide to visit an old friend, Oscar Piastri. You aren’t then expecting to end up in a strange fake dating situation with Lando Norris, that ends… well?

Word count: 9k+

Other: female character, (referenced as girlfriend, etc.) you pronouns used. few italian words/sentences.

The beginning of August heat is bearable, but the sun beats aggressively on your back, and you can almost feel your skin burning. Monaco is nice though, and looks even more expensive in real life than in the photos. You’re overwhelmed, and somewhat uncomfortable, and butterflies flap viciously in your stomach, reminding you why you’re staring at the map on your phone. A squiggly blue line, guiding you to a cafe, where you know Oscar will be sat, waiting. You’d told him you’d be late, and he was unsurprised. He hadn’t expected you to become punctual, even if he hadn’t seen you for four years. Weird. You’d been friends since, well, forever, and now four years have passed. It felt like nothing, so why are you so nervous?

Your phone keeps turning and twisting, and you trail down alleys and roads until you end up in a strange loop. Great, you’re lost. You only know your way to your (friend’s) flat from the airport, and vice versa, and you’re in neither of those places. Defeated, you look around desperately at signs, willing your rusty French to help you here, to no avail. Well, the obvious solution is to ring Oscar, but you really don’t want to. Exasperated, you pause, trying to figure out what is messing with your head right now. That's when you feel a tentative tap on your shoulder.

“You seem… stuck?” comes a familiar voice, but you can’t place it. That changes though, as soon as you turn around. Curly hair catches your eyes, and you raise your eyebrows in surprise. Lando Norris.

“Lost, but yeah. Close enough.”

He laughs, his eyes crinkling.

“Lucky for you, I live here. Where are you headed? I’ll show you the way.” he offers carefully, obviously scanning you. You narrow your eyes at him, returning the scrutiny.

You nod, and gesture to your phone, avoiding butchering the French name on your screen. He grins.

“Yeah, I know it. One of my friends goes there all the time. I’m Lando, by the way. Lando Norris.” he says gently, tilting his head.

“I know.” comes your casual reply, before you hurriedly give him your name. “I watch most of the races, but I’m not really a serious fan.” you say as a justification, trying to avoid sounding awkward as you lie through your teeth. You watch every single one, eyes clinging to the orange on the screen. Not him, though.

“Well, you’re extremely late for the Grand Prix. Bad time to visit, surely. It’s too hot and nothing exciting is going on.” he replies, his eyes twinkling.

“Oh, I’m kind of here for work? I’m a screenwriter, and the series I'm working on is set here. I work best from experience, so I figured it was worth the effort, you know?” you say casually, smiling slightly at the obvious surprise on his face.

“Mate, that’s kinda awesome??” he says, grinning enthusiastically.

“Mate, thanks!” you reply, mocking his voice.

“I could run off right now and leave you stranded, mate.” he says bitterly, rolling his eyes at you.

You scrunch up your face and shake your head.

“Yeah, alright. Sorry mate. Please continue showing me the way.” you reply earnestly, hoping your gratitude isn’t completely masked by your sarcasm.

You’re walking fairly close to him, not nearly close enough to be touching but close enough that it's clear you’re relaxed. He’s calm, and magnetic, and you almost wonder if you should tell him who it is you’re meeting in this cafe, but you’re enjoying the casual conversation.

He stops abruptly, gesturing towards a quaint door.

“Ladies first!” he says cheerfully, holding the door open.

Your heart jumps as you walk through and you see the back of his head. All this time, and you recognise it instantly. Lando seems to do the same, as you both call Oscar’s name at the same time.

He turns quickly, surprised.

“Lando? You two know each other?” he says incredulously, looking at you both as you stand shoulder-to-shoulder.

“You’re here to see Oscar? You could’ve mentioned that.” he mutters, his tone suddenly quite serious.

“It didn’t come up, sorry. Hey, you’re more than welcome to join us. I’d like to keep talking.” you say sincerely, confused by his cold tone.

Oscar nods in agreement, prematurely pulling up an extra chair to a small table in front of you. You sit down simultaneously, indicating for Lando to sit down too, but he just shakes his head.

“No, it’s alright. I wouldn’t want to crash your date. Have fun, guys. Oscar, I’ll see you around mate.”

You stare at him for a moment, just blinking.

“Um, bye then. It was nice to meet you. Thanks so much for the help.” you say blandly, baffled by his sudden change in behaviour. Something is confusing you, but you can't figure out what.

He leaves quickly, and you turn back towards Oscar, meeting his smile.

“Well, that was awkward.” you say, raising an eyebrow.

Oscar nods knowingly.

“He’s like that sometimes. Guess he was just surprised to see me. Me, and you, I suppose.” he replies, before quickly changing the subject.

That's when it hits you. Date.

“Wait, Oscar. Did you and Lily…” you begin, trailing off.

“Yeah, pretty recently. I made a joke yesterday about ‘putting myself back out there’, so he must’ve assumed. Sorry about that.” he said sullenly.

You punch him affectionately on the arm.

“Why didn’t you tell me, you muppet?” you joke, and his breath hitches.

“It's weird hearing you say that. You used to say it so often, and Lando says it too. Felt like it was following me.” he says, smiling softly.

You pause.

“Well, it’s my catchphrase, so he can sod off.” you say simply, and he chuckles in response.

“He already did.” he replies, gesturing to the empty chair.

You let out a proper laugh, admiring his flushed cheeks through your scrunched eyes.

And that's when you feel it, that familiar burning in your stomach, the heat on your face.

Something you felt endlessly for so many years, something that only went away when you avoided him shamelessly. You hadn’t felt it for years. Ten minutes, and it was already back.

Great.

***

It's so easy, spending time with Oscar. Nostalgic, too. Growing up together sets you up as friends for life, and even the time apart and the distance apparently has no effect on your bond. Conversation flows effortlessly, and your arm intertwines with his just as it did when you were merely ten years old. Unfortunately, as the sky darkens, you realise you’d better try to figure out where home is. So you say your goodbyes, and set off.

After regretfully trekking around the main streets, you suddenly realise where you are and you’re flooded with relief. Your flat isn’t far from here now, but you’re hungry, and you’re in Monaco (like, what!!!) so why not?

You walk into a small restaurant and sit down at the bar, smiling at the bartender. You order politely, admiring the extortionate amount of earrings in her ears.

“Are you following me?”

You turn to your right, surprised

“Huh. Well, you are my guide, no?” you quip, searching his eyes for the softness from the morning when you first met. Luckily, it's back.

“Sorry for rushing out earlier. I wasn’t expecting-” Lando says quickly, but you shake your head.

“Nah, don’t worry about it. For the record, Oscar and I have been friends since we were about seven. I didn’t even know he’d broken up with Lily, which is why you assuming it was a date confused me so much. We’re just good friends, you know?”

“Well, that's a relief.”

“How so?” you ask, looking up at him.

He shrugs and takes a drink from his glass, avoiding eye contact.

“So, is he like, your only friend here?” he asks suddenly.

“Mmmm, pretty much. I'm living in my only other friend's flat while she's away.”

You pause painfully on the word friend, a flood of memories hitting you suddenly. Sometimes you wonder if it had been the wrong decision to stay friends after the break-up, but you wouldn’t have anywhere to stay now without her.

He clearly notices, but doesnt ask.

“Well, if we all hang out together, you’ll have two friends. That’s double, in one day. Good going so far, I’d say.” he says simply, sliding his phone over to you.

You gratefully type in your number and slide it back, smiling.

“Well, as long as you know I’m solely friends with you for directions, that sounds perfect.”

He raises his glass to you after that, and you smile.

***

Lando wasn’t lying when he said you’d hang out together. About a week or so had passed, and you’d spent each day together, alongside Oscar, and today was no exception.

“You were too scared to say a cafe name last week, and now you sound fluent.” mutters Lando, perching by your shoulder as you try to talk to someone on the phone, pleasantly surprised by the fluidity of your French.

“You should’ve seen her in school. Practically her first language.” Oscar chimes in, and you roll your eyes.

“Italian is my first language, pirla.” you reply quickly, lowering your phone and stuffing it into your pocket.

Lando looks up, surprised.

“Huh. Didn’t expect that.”

You nod. “Yep, but I moved to the UK when I was really young. No accent now. Like the Aussie over here.” you explain, gesturing to a sheepish Oscar.

“You’re living back in Milan now though, right?” Oscar asks, even though he obviously knows the answer. You don’t even bother to reply to the strange question, just nodding, staring at the view beneath you.

“It’s nice up here, isn’t it. And it's quiet. No cameras, nothing.” whispers Lando, standing closer to the hill edge, next to you.

“Not so quiet when you’re here.” you complain, not turning to look at him. You see him scoff in your peripheral vision, and a small smile tugs at your lips.

Time passes, but you aren’t aware of it. There’s you, and the sun, and Monaco’s skyline.

And an irritatingly blank word document on your closed laptop in your apartment.

You groan slightly, knowing you need to start brainstorming.

“I need to go work. See you soon, yeah?” you say, shattering the peaceful silence.

They turn to you in unison, but Oscar nods while Lando just smiles.

“Yeah, okay. Have… fun? I don’t know if writing is fun, I don’t really do it. But whatever. I’ll text you.” comes Lando’s quick response, followed by a simple ‘bye’ from Oscar.

***

The following hours are a blur of ink stains and mind maps and ripped pages and it's unbelievably chaotic and unbelievably messy. You cook and you eat, but you can’t remember what meal it was, and you have no idea what time it is. Although you actually have no real idea of what's going on, you love it. This is the rush you live for, the constant scribbling as ideas bigger than you unfold in your unsuspecting notebook.

You allow yourself to think of Oscar for a moment, thinking of how this must be how he feels as those lights go out. Strange, how similar yet different you are. You enjoy speed, and he enjoys reading, but you could never donate your life to it, and likewise he could never do the same. Life without pens and paper would not really be life to you, but life without racing would be unbearable to him. You wondered if maybe that's why you work so well together. Your qualities worth celebrating were shared, but your passions were different. It aches a bit, to think like that. Imagining a partnership in a way that was so alien to what you two have now. Weaving him into all your episodes, a recurring background character. Understanding when you need silence, or sound. Contact, or space.

You had that understanding already, and you felt greedy for wanting anymore. You’d come to terms with the inevitability of ever being more than childhood friends a long long time ago, and you weren't about to reopen the wound. So you stop allowing yourself to think of anything other than the page in front of you, and you're confused when a brief image of curly hair and light eyes flashes in your exhausted head when you start scribbling out character profiles.

And like you’ve summoned him, your phone rings and ‘landoo’ flashes on your screen.

“Hey, can you open the door? I’m like, right outside. Sorry it’s urgent.” comes his somewhat panicked voice on speaker, and you act immediately, running to the front door.

He stands there, breathing quickly, rubbing his forehead. You hurry him inside and shut the door, before turning around expectantly.

“Okay, talk. And breathe. Breathe first and then talk. Did you RUN here? What’s going on, Lando?” you ask quickly, firing a stream of questions at him.

He cracks a weak smile, and it puts you even more on edge.

“It’s fine, you can relax.” he begins, sounding reassuring.

You fold your arms and narrow your gaze.

“It’s not me, it’s Oscar. Someone leaked a photo of Lily with her new partner, so he either lets her take the cheating allegations, announces they broke up, or ignores it and tries to avoid the media for as long as possible.” he explains, and you inhale deeply.

“Right, so he just does the third option, surely? The next grand prix is so far away, surely it would be fine.” you reply simply, confused by the panic.

“Well, ideally, yeah. But he has an interview he most certainly can’t ignore the day after tomorrow. So that's not an option. But he really doesn't want to add fuel to the fire and announce it, but he also doesn't want to watch people drag her name through the mud.” he continues, ignoring your blank expression.

“Lando, I’m too tired for this. Why are you here?” you ask, sighing.

“Because he's stressed. By MY standards. I haven’t ever seen him this worked up. He’s seriously worried about this. And while he was pacing, I had an idea. He said something like ‘I’d love for some other driver to do something insane right now’ and it made me think of you.” he says, suddenly seriously.

You blink, clearly not following.

“Why would you think of me?”

He pauses, his nerves and excitement plastered equally on his face. In one large step, he closes the gap between you, and you can feel his breath on your neck.

“I can be the driver, and you can be the insane thing.” he says, stumbling over the few words, and you can’t help but burst out laughing.

But he is deadly serious.

“Sorry, that was terrible phrasing. But no, I mean it. Tomorrow, we convince everyone we’re together. We tell everyone who cares to listen that we’re dating and there's a new wag set to join the paddock. Huge deal, very public. No offense to Oscar, but I think the media will be much more blinded by, well, us, than by him and Lily having possibly broken up. I mean, my dating life is so heavily followed and scrutinised-there's no chance of it being ignored.”

You don't hesitate. “Did you tell Oscar about this idea?”

He's taken aback by your response.

“Um, yeah. He told me not to ask.” he says sullenly, surprised by the stormy expression on your face.

“Why.”

“Because it wasn’t fair, and you’d say no. Because you can’t.” he replies honestly, and your head droops into your hands.

He’s right, you can’t.

But you might.

“So why did you bother coming? He’s right.” you snap back, angrily, and Lando steps away from you.

“Because I figured you’d say yes anyway. To help him. I’ve been watching you two interact, and it's so clear how deep your friendship goes. And I think he’d do it for you.” he whispers.

“No, I can’t. I just, I just can’t. I can’t deal with it, the media and the cameras and the judgement. That's why I left so long ago, and why I tried to disappear from his life where I could be seen.” you say quickly, avoiding eye contact.

“But it's not him, it's me.”

“That's even worse!!”

He looks stung. “Why is that worse?”

You decide to just let it come out.

“I was in love with him, Lando. Hopelessly so. And for a while, the comments and photos and theories were worth it. And then they quickly weren't. I was drowning in it. People accusing me of trying to split him and Lily up. And that was so long ago, when he had way less of a fanbase. Imagining what it would be like now, to be with you, is terrifying. And frankly, it wouldn’t be worth it. It wouldn’t even be real.”

The silence is heavy and cold and you want to run but there's absolutely nowhere to go. So you brave it and stare straight at him, ignoring the heavy look of surprise on his face.

“Ah, well. For the record, it wouldn’t be for me. It would be for him. And maybe you don’t love him anymore, but you can’t let that be what stops you from doing this, come on. It's different now. And you know, I bet it would be fun. Just a little bit.” he jokes, but you wince slightly.

“Oh shit. You’re not over it.”

You don’t reply.

Until you do.

“I was. I really was. The distance helped, sure. It’s just, readjusting. He’s so here. And without seeing Lily on his arm- I don’t know. It’s so different.” you admit, exasperated.

“You’re going to do it, aren’t you?” he says, inching closer again.

“Can you shut up? I’m trying to think.” you say, humming to yourself.

You imagine Oscar, pacing. You remember how your heart ached, watching everyone question if you loved him, like it wasn't obvious. Lily, asking you to be honest, and then asking you to back off. Politely, of course. All the opportunities you missed, because you were scared. Of what? You’re still not sure. Everything you owe him. All the help he gave you.

And you know, whatever comes out of this, will be inevitably better than the guilt that will consume you if you do nothing at all. So you nod, slowly. Full of uncertainty.

“Huh, so you’re my fake girlfriend now then, yeah?” Lando says quietly, trying to not let the weight of what was about to come make his tone depressing.

“Don’t call me that. But, yeah. You’re telling Oscar though.” you say, grinning back at him.

He looks absolutely outraged.

“No? Like, no. I can’t, do you know how mad he’ll be? He’ll think I like, threatened you or something. Mate-” he starts, babbling angrily, but you chuckle.

“Oscar won’t be mad. He’s only mad at slow drivers.”

“Yeah, well he’s also calm, and doesn’t pace around and mutter weird things to himself because he's not stressed, and yet? Anyway, you can tell him yourself. Now. I can see him in the window.” he says slowly, waving at the window in the front door, smiling at an exasperated Oscar.

“Fuck off.” you say, sighing. When you told Lando you were too tired for this, you meant it. You did not want to see Oscar right now, especially with Lando present. Still, you reluctantly opened the door, letting him in.

“You don’t need to do it.” he says quickly, glaring at Lando.

“I know.”

“I told him not to ask.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“You said no, right?”

“I said yes.” you say firmly, watching him falter.

And the expression that crosses his face is not one you could have predicted. It’s hurt. Hurt, into genuine offense. And the only explanation you can think of for this is that he's remembering that time he found you hiding under your desk, feeling like you’d lost all ability to function around him, and around Lily, and around anyone.

You couldn’t even open your phone. And deep down, you both knew why. It wasn’t the comments. It was because they were right. And you were scared of getting between them like the media predicted. You were scared of confessing, and losing him. You were scared, because you didn’t know what you wanted to do. Who you wanted to be.

You were scared. And once he got you off the floor and on your feet, you let that fear carry you away. But now you’re back, and you’re not scared.

But he doesn't know that. How could he?

“Why? After- I just- what? Why? Is it real, is that why?” he starts, but you turn to Lando.

“Lando, can you go? Please.” you say seriously, and he nods, before ducking out of the door.

You sit down, and Oscar follows, confusion clouding his dark eyes.

You breathe in deeply. “Obviously, it isn’t real. But I’m not the same person I was then, and Lando isn’t you. It won’t be the same. And I know who I am now, and they can’t rattle me like they did before. Also, there’s no one like Lily that I can be compared to, or whatever. And it won’t be for long, probably. Until no one even mentions her. Also, I’m not here forever, so once I go back to Milan, I can disappear-”

“Again.” finishes Oscar.

“But you can see what I’m saying, right? This is planned. It’s going to look like we’re together. This isn't anything like what happened. I think it’s going to be fine. What about you, are you okay?” you ask, searching his face for an answer.

He smiles at you carefully, but his shoulders are slumped.

“I’m fine. This is worse than the breakup, honestly. I mean, I didn't even know she was seeing other people. Not that it matters, but still. To find out like that sucked. It’s just, beside you, she’s one of my longest friends. I’m more used to life with her than without, so this is so weird for me. I see something I would’ve sent her, and I just can’t. It’s pathetic, but I can’t watch tennis anymore.” he mumbles, his voice breaking slightly.

“Look, I’m sorry there isn't more I can do, but this shouldnt be warped by social media. Let me try, okay? A diversion is better than nothing. At least you’ll have time to figure out how you feel, or what to say. If you have to say anything at all.” you finish, beaming at him. And the look of tranquillity on his face is worth the nerves you feel in your throat.

He pulls you in for a hug, wrapping his large arms around you. You instinctively rest your head on his shoulder, and you both stay there like that for a moment.

“Thank you. You’re making it seem like it was an easy decision, but I’m sure it wasn’t. Seriously, thank you.” he says sincerely, whispering straight into your ear.

You smile slightly. “You’d be surprised, it actually was quite easy. I mean, I did say no at first. But, Lando made a joke, saying it might be fun. And I did realise that maybe he's right. Like a big inside joke. And he also said you would’ve done it for me. That was really all I needed to hear.”

He sighs. “It's not really the same though, is it? I mean, I would. Of course I would. But it would be much less of a sacrifice.”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s going to be okay, really. And even if it doesn't work, at least I tried. I had to try.” you explain gently, barely breathing. You don’t want to move your head.

He doesn’t really respond, he just sort of hums into your hair, and neither of you move. And you both know you should, but you’re both stressed, and tired, and it’s late. So you just melt into each other, and it feels like an uncomfortable parallel of your teenage years.

And your heart burns and you wonder if his does too.

***

The next day comes uncomfortably fast, and you barely slept. But now it's morning, and you’re going for breakfast. So you get ready, letting the comforting familiarity of doing your makeup be your focus, trying to ignore why you're putting it on. Trying to ignore the fact you’ll soon be labelled as Lando’s new girlfriend. Ironically, you realise that's actually how you’re going to be known. Everything you stand for, everything you’ve accomplished, just to become someone’s girlfriend. You laugh when you think about it, and you manage to relax a bit. It’s not really you. They don’t actually care about you, you’re just his accessory to them. Maybe the fans will bother to learn your name, before the hate and questions begin. Well, some of them will. Some of them will dig into you. Dig up the photos of you and Oscar from school, dig up all your episodes and films. An impressive portfolio, hidden under the simple fact that you were nothing more than the girl on his arm. In some ways though, it made the whole thing easier. They couldn’t pick you apart, like they had before. You weren't a teenager, being torn between decisions you shouldn't have had to make. Degrees and offers and ‘that isn’t a real job’ weren't hanging over your head anymore. You were calculated and dedicated and you actually could handle this. Your initial stress from yesterday seemed misplaced. You really should’ve been worried about having to act like you were in a relationship.

Obviously, you got along well with Lando, and you didn’t not like him. But you definitely didn't like him. And sure, he was decent-looking, and he seemed nice, but you also didn't know him that well. So to pretend to be infatuated, to remember to offer him your hand or plant a kiss on his cheek if you saw a camera would be hard. Possibly impossible.

Also, you hadn’t laid out any ground rules or had any sort of indication what to expect. Granted, it was last minute. Oh well, you could figure it out today.

That's when his knock came, and you called him in. You’d unlocked the door in the morning, because you knew your timekeeping was a problem, so he could just come in and wait with you, instead of leaving him in the car outside. It would be strange, after avoiding fans all week, to just dive in head first.

“Morning, mate. You okay?” he calls from the hallway, the sound growing louder.

“Yep, all good. I’m in here.” you reply, pushing the bathroom door open with your foot.

“Well, you look nice.” he says awkwardly, watching you through the mirror.

You smile at him gratefully, “Don’t look too bad yourself, Norris. So, where are we going?”

He tells you the name of the restaurant, and you recognise it. Popular.

Clever.

“Alright, let’s go then. I’m ready.” you say simply, bouncing over to the wardrobe to put your shoes on.

“Perfect.”

***

The whole day went without a hitch. You were both excellent, if you do say so yourself. Photos and videos flooded the internet, an explosion of edits and gossip accounts going haywire. People were already posting about you, waiting for more content. They already loved you. Obviously, some were skeptical. New show is coming out, therefore it's PR. Or the fans that wanted Lando themselves- they weren’t pleased with you. But no one hated you. You weren’t being labelled anything. No one had called you uglier than anyone else. If anything, there had only really been compliments.

Oscar calls you that night, essentially congratulating you on a brilliant debut. Telling you it's taken a real weight off his shoulders for tomorrow. You tell him it's nothing, and you mean it. It was nothing. It had been so simple. So much simpler than you had expected.

***

About a week passed. You’d been practically inseparable, you and Lando. Subtle posts on each other's stories. An arm somewhere, or a shoe. Enough to confirm what everyone had been confirming for you. You realised though, that soon you could give it up. It could be labelled a summer break mistake, and you’d both move on. Drop off the face of the media just how you’d dropped in.

Oscar did mention that. After his interview had gone, and no one mentioned Lily. It was an unspoken thing now, their breakup. He was asking what your plan was, what to do. He joked that it actually seemed really easy, pretending like that. And you’d confirmed that actually, it was.

But once he’d changed the topic that really sank in. Why had it been that easy?

It's because you forgot it was an act, about halfway through. Your hand in his, and you didn't remember when it got there. About four days, and it was already natural. That was really scary. You didn't know why, but later that night it was keeping you up, running through your mind. So you just lay there, on your phone, hopefully waiting for your heavy eyelids to close.

It didn't help that a phone call came.

“Lando?” you ask groggily.

“Hey. Wasn’t really expecting you to pick up, to be honest.” he says, sounding way too awake for it to be so late.

“What is it?” you ask, yawning.

“Have you seen what everyones been saying? About us, I mean.” he asks.

“Um, nothing in particular, why? Did something happen?”

He sighs through the phone. “No, nothing like that. It’s just been surprisingly positive. Like, maybe I’m making this up, but I feel like I’ve been receiving less hate for the last week. Like everyones focused on you, and they love you, so they like me?”

You laugh quietly. “Pfft, of course they love me. What's your point?”

“I heard you talking to Oscar earlier, when he asked what you were planning to do. You didn't answer, but I could tell you were thinking. And I know we did what we intended to do, and we could just like, go radio silent now or whatever, but-” he pauses dramatically.

“Lando, finish your sentence.” you whisper, irritated.

“Would you be willing to keep going? Maybe just until the first race, or whatever. Just a bit longer.” he asks quickly, rushing to get it out.

You inhale deeply, thinking it over.

“Lando, that isn’t just a bit longer. That's weeks. I still don't understand why you’re asking.” you say, absentmindedly.

“Um, don’t make fun of me for this. But I sort of feel better about myself when I’m with you? Like, all the fans taking photos and stuff. When I was alone, or with other people, I hated it. I just knew I had to stay off social media, but I hated what they said. How they viewed me. The threats, and the anger. I mean, I didn't understand it. That hasn't subsided for so long, until now. Now, I want them to see us. See me, I don’t know. It's like a newfound confidence. I lost it a long time ago, and I don't want to lose it again. And you help me keep hold of it.” he admits honestly, and you can hear the sincerity in his voice.

And it's crazy, that you’ve truly known him for two weeks, and you're already foolishly believing the words spewing from his mouth. Like you really are special to him, and it’s not just a stunt. A plea for his own personal gain. That you truly are bettering his life, helping him. And you think of how hard it will be to explain to Oscar, and how much harder it will be to end it.

But that same guilt you felt when you thought of not agreeing in the first place floods you again. And frankly, the influx of fans has given you an undeniable ego boost. A feeling of being good enough.

And you find yourself agreeing, before you’d actually come to a conclusion.

“Sure, why not?”

And as you say it, you realise you actually mean it for once. Why not?

He laughs, clearly relieved.

“You’re brilliant, thank you so much! Genuinely, this means so much to me. It's just nice to be talked about positively, it's been years. And it can't be that bad for you, surely? Becoming the new favourite wag on the grid?” he says jokingly.

“Yeah, you’re right. The worst part is definitely the guy I'm supposedly dating. He's proper annoying.” you reply, hanging up after.

***

The weeks fly past, the same thing after another. Luckily, it was pretty cemented that you were together now, so you and Lando could go on less public dates, spend less time together.

You didn't though. Appearances together, every day, without fail. Full accounts dedicated to spotting you two together now, preaching of your inevitable long future together. Everyone was convinced you were hopelessly devoted to each other, a true representation of that well-known honeymoon phase. In actuality, you were aware of every camera, trying to remain natural. Trying not to worry that something would change and you'd be harassed. Trying to keep your hand in his constantly, to make it seem like it belonged there. It often felt like it did, until you remembered he was acting. And that never failed to make you put your guard right back up, but keep flashing smiles and making sure you had a permanent flush in your cheeks. And you knew you could hang out less, you both knew, yet neither of you implemented it or ever complained.

And soon the Dutch grand prix came around, and this was it, the hardest moment so far. The garage, the livestreams, the commentators. Thankfully, a constant reminder that it's a show, and you're a character with a simple script. Be in love with Lando Norris. And you knew all about scripts, and characters, and how to tell them to act. So realistically, you had this. And you knew you had it.

Oscar had not been as sure as you. He was wary of it, and it was fair enough. Last time you’d appeared in a paddock was F2, and then you disappeared. So, yeah, he wasn’t overjoyed about how casual you were taking this. Because deep down, he felt that Lando would never be adequate enough to handle it if it went wrong. He wouldn't defend you fiercely enough, or help you, or even know something was truly wrong. But you’d assured him to stop worrying, and focus on the racing. You knew what you were doing. You were still doing it for the same reason you’d even started- for a friend.

Although, as you’d grown closer with Lando, it felt as though Oscar was slipping away. Slightly judgemental looks, coldness between you. Like you were offending him. Maybe you were, but you weren’t sure what to do. So you left it, and assumed he’d come around. Honestly, no one else would have even noticed something was different. It was miniscule. But no matter the time, or the distance, you were fine tuned to notice him. Every movement, ever adjustment, every fake smile. Every time he swallowed back anger. You knew it all.

And so there you were, orange headphones nestled in your hair, watching him drive. And it was so odd, to be searching for a 4, and not an 81. Same car, but so different. Yet it didn't feel alien, it felt familiar. And the genuine hope for his success was definitely real. And watching him, on that final lap, knowing you’d be there to watch him on that podium, that was real.

Real to you, at least.

And there you are, by the barriers, watching him step out of the car. He extends his fist into the sky, punching the air, and you can practically see the grin on his face. You knew it well.

His neon helmet comes off, and he's embracing Oscar. And the lights, and shouts, and bodies pushing against yours all blur until all you can see is him running towards you, somewhat ignoring the sea of orange to his left.

And the chants all fade as he crushes his lips onto yours, and you realise you aren’t even thinking of the fans. Of the photos.

You’re thinking of the last three weeks. Stupid, domestic things. Him tying your shoelaces. Returning your drink when the waitress got it wrong. Opening the car door for you. Bringing a jumper to the beach, specifically to give to you in case it was chilly. Never dropping your arm, even if there was no one around. Whispered compliments that no one else would ever hear. And that's all you visualise. His irritating, smiling, lovesick face. And with anyone else, three weeks would be nothing. But each day felt like a lifetime, in the best way.

And in that moment, you realise it was real. It is real, right now. So you kiss him back, hoping he understands that, and you don’t even notice Oscar watching you. You only notice that familiar burning in your stomach.

There are whistles that deafen you as you both pull away, and you smile at him. His expression is not what you were expecting though. You were expecting that well known grin, with his eyes crinkled. But he looks smug. He looks proud of himself, as he soaks in the noise. He’s not looking at you, he’s looking at the cameras, and the fans with their phones out, screaming.

And that brief moment was all you got, because it all comes crashing down. It is real, for you. But evidently, its not reciprocated. Anyone can see that. Idiot, you think. At least it was a fleeting moment of foolishness. You’ve done your job now. You said until the first race. You can go, go home, run away again. And soon enough, they’ll forget you were ever there. And who knows, maybe in four years you’ll come back.

Your ears are ringing and you’re red from embarrassment, but not for the reasons you assume everyone thinks. And you wait, and talk politely, and you keep a brave face on, even though you're rethinking everything.

When the British national anthem plays, you cheer. Wildly. You shout louder than ever to drown out the sound of your heart cracking slightly. And it truly is embarrassing. But the comforting idea of escaping again, back to Italy, back home, is undeniably comforting.

And you forget that in two weeksweek, the race is Monza. It doesn't even cross your mind. The expectation, that you will definitely be there. Considering it's unbelievably close to your house. That the driver's faces will be plastered everywhere.

Your main focus is getting there, as quickly as possible.

***

You’re packing your stuff back into your suitcase, in your flat. You’d made some awkward excuse about having to go back home, because of family. It was bullshit. Lando knew that, but he couldn’t explain what had changed. But you didn't want to be mad at him. It was so unfair- he hadn't done anything wrong. You knew it wasn't real, that was entirely your fault. You didn't want to argue, or accidentally say something you couldn’t take back. So you apologised, and told him with what was going on at home, it was too much. You were overwhelmed, and this charade had to come to an end. And the genuine hurt on his face almost made you reconsider, but instead you just hurriedly closed the door. Maybe if he’d said something. If he hadn't stayed silent. Yes, that was it. If he had said whatever was on his mind, you would’ve stayed. But his silence was so heavy, so hurtful, that it decided your destination for you.

Casting the fresh memory from your mind, you get back to chucking stuff into bags, a mess of clothes and shoes. You’re almost done (you’re very efficient when you need to be) and you have a flight booked for the first thing tomorrow. You’d be gone before Monte Carlo woke up.

There's an awkward but familiar knock at the door, and you know it's Oscar. Coming to say goodbye, presumably. Probably with ‘i told you so’ written all over his calm face. You call for him to come in, because you’d left it unlocked after you’d hurried Lando out, and so he does.

“Hey.” he says softly, staring sadly at the full suitcases piled by your feet.

“Hi.”

“So, you’re really going. I wish I was more surprised.” he sighs.

“Yeah, you were right, for once.” you say, through gritted teeth, but he doesn't laugh.

“I just don't understand. I know you’re a good actor, but you seemed so happy. And no, you were right. It was different. You weren't getting nearly as many hateful comments. So what happened?” he asks, gesturing for you to sit on the sofa with him.

It felt like so long ago now, comforting him there. Being willing to do anything to take that pain from him. Well, you’d succeeded. Now it was yours to bear.

“Nothing. I was just tired of it, and I miss my family, my home, and my cat. You know? It's just been relentless, acting all day to just write all night. I'm exhausted, and I just need to get home.”

He pauses, staring at you intently. And quietly, so quietly, he says what Lando couldn’t.

“Don’t go.”

You take a deep breath. “What?”

“Don’t go. Sure, keep it broken off. He’ll understand. Tell him the truth, that it wasn't worth it, and it was tiring you out. But don't go. I don't want to watch you leave again.”

His face inches closer to yours, and you almost flinch. It’s so strange, being this close, and feeling almost nothing. You search his eyes, to figure out what he’s doing. What he’s about to say.

But he doesn't say anything. He closes the small gap, and suddenly you're a teenager playing spin the bottle again. But he’s a lot bigger, and you’re both a lot older, and it’s much less awkward. And you’re a flurry of movement, arms tangling as you press against each other. It feels warm, and safe, but it's not everything you waited for. And you want to let yourself have this, but you just can’t. So you battle with yourself, until you decide to pull away.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” he says immediately, guilt covering his face.

“No, I, um- it’s okay. But, that’s not the truth.” you reply, trying to act unfazed.

“What?”

“Lando. The truth isn’t that it wasn’t worth it. It was worth it. It was real, it was real to me.” you admit, your voice wavering.

Oscar looks even guiltier.

“I didn’t know. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have- I promise I wasn’t planning to. I just, I was thinking of you leaving again, and how I’d watched you with him. And I regretted it the first time, when you left. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. But if I had known, that's why you were so hurt, I wouldn’t have- seriously.”

You smile at him, weakly.

“It is okay. Really. But I still have to go. You understand, right?” you ask, watching his sad expression match yours.

He nods, getting up. Just as makes it to the door, he turns.

“I’m sorry. Bye, Oscar.” you mutter, but he looks at you hopefully.

“It’s not really bye this time though, is it? Like you said, it’s different. I can still see you. I mean, I’ll be there next week. We aren't the same people. It won't be four years this time. Not even close.” he says, determinedly.

“I’ll be waiting.” you reply firmly, and he laughs silently.

“So will I. Goodnight.” he promises, closing the door behind him.

***

You’d spoken every day since you’d made it back home. Facetimes, stupid videos. Those irritating imessage games that he was annoyingly good at. Oscar, that was.

Radio silence from Lando.

But you were much happier this way. Lando was barely on your mind. You’d never gotten over something so quickly. Oscar definitely helped. And you’d managed to make a serious dent into your series. Overall, it was looking up, and there was still a week to go until the race weekend. Oscar had just come early.

You were almost sick of hearing his knock at your door at this point, but you still opened it. And there he was, looking awfully not-italian against the famous Milan backdrop.

“Missed me?” he asked, wandering into your small house.

“Barely had time to.” you reply honestly, grinning.

He laughs back at you, and that feeling of warmth comes over you again. You hug him tightly, and he wraps himself around you gladly.

“You okay?” he asks, and you nod into his chest.

“Yep, I’m fine. Thanks for coming.” you say, and you mean it. You actually are fine. Once you’d realised it truly was one sided, but it wasn’t even a lie, you had no reason to stay upset. You were actually more hurt by the fact he hadn’t messaged you, once. Not that you’d spoken to him. But still.

“Well, that’s brilliant. Do you want to go get some gelato, or something?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Per favore, non parlare mai più italiano!!” you reply, and he looks at you somewhat blankly.

“But yes, let’s go.” you nod, and you drag him out of the door.

You hadn't realised, but you’d managed to spend the whole day together. So once the sun had truly set, you sent him on his way, promising him he could come for dinner with your Nonna tomorrow. You were walking back now, and that was when you saw someone standing on your porch. He was facing the other way, phone awkwardly in hand, but you recognised his curly hair immediately.

Was he fucking joking?

“Lando? What. Are you doing here?” you ask, letting the obvious anger seep into your voice.

“Oh. Hey! Look, I just wanted to-” he starts, coughing awkwardly, and you have to remind yourself that you have no reason to be mad.

“I'm sorry, I just wanted to ask if you wanted to be friends. I mean, maybe we still are. But you sort of rushed off with no explanation, and I should've said something that night, but, you know. I was confused. I'm sorry. But yeah, I mean, I missed you? And I figured we could still be fine, since it didn’t seem like you were mad at me in particular? Unless you were. Are. Are? I don’t know. I was going to call you, but I was kind of scared. Embarrassing right?” he says uncertainly, stumbling over his fast sentences.

“And are you going to ask me to come to the race next week, so no one starts asking questions?” you say bitterly.

“Okay, ouch. Did I do something?” he asks, but you just sigh and shake your head. You just can’t tell him.

“But I was going to ask you if you wanted to come, yeah. Not as my, um, girlfriend or whatever. Just because you might want to? I know you were wanting to get to know some of the others, you know.” he hums awkwardly, and you can’t help but smile at him.

“Yeah, I’ll think about it. Thanks.”

***

You went. It made sense. You and Lando both acted amicably, and you did appreciate his friendship. He also had a very forgivable face. People had already decided you’d unofficially broken up after your lack of appearances for a week, and your obvious different behaviour had just confirmed this. But clearly, you still looked at each other funny. Oscar ‘heart-eyes’ Piastri had two upcoming rivals. So many people held out hope for rekindled feelings.

It wasn’t the same though. You both knew it wouldn’t be. But with so much hanging between you, life changing words remaining unspoken, your friendship was heavy. Hard to carry. And you almost wished you could forget it, but every time you looked at him for too long, you remembered Zandvoort. So you tried to avoid looking at him too much.

Instead, you played staring games with Oscar. It was so weird, realising there were finally reciprocated feelings. Yet you both were scared, like usual. Fair enough, considering what had just happened. The history. Wondering if he ever saw Lily when he looked at you.

He had another two week gap, before Baku. But he wasn't staying around. Time difference, culture, etc. So you invited him around, to celebrate his podium and to say goodbye, because you wouldn’t be coming to another race for a long time. You had more believable excuses now. You decided your time had come and gone. If something was meant to happen, it would’ve. And maybe it was better to leave well enough alone. Yet, you knew if he asked, you would go against this.

But he wouldn’t. Oscar was safe. He’d play it safe.

He picked at his pizza, looking at you intently.

“Can I help you?” you ask, and his lips purse slightly.

“Would you go insane if I asked you to come to Azerbaijan with me?” he said suddenly.

“Um, kind of? What do you mean?” you respond, completely and utterly cursing him.

“Well, I know after everything, it’s ridiculous. I know, really. But I want you there. I mean, I want you with me, all the time. And you’re no stranger in the paddock now. No one would need to know you’re here just for me, right? You’d just be there.” he says earnestly, looking at his plate.

“What are you asking me?” you say seriously.

“You know what I’m asking you. I told you, I’m not making this mistake again.” he replies, equally serious.

And everything is screaming at you to say no. That it was time. One final no, one final goodbye. No, say no. You could hear your heart aching with the strain of saying yes.

But you could also hear it sighing if you said no.

“I dont know.” you blink at him.

“That's not an option, I'm sorry. You don't want that to be an option either, do you? It's now or never, and it's up to you. I’ll never hold it against you. But we’ve both waited for each other. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of you haunting me. So this is it. Yes, or no?” he says, lowering his voice. It looks like he’s thought about this carefully, and for a long time. But the relief on his face makes you envious, and that's exactly when you know what to say.

“Yes, I’ll come to Azerbaijan with you.”

And it's so much more than that. And you both can't help but grin at each other.

***

So you become a regular face. People give up trying to work out who you’re there for. Most of the Lando fans dubbed you his ‘lucky charm’ and remained convinced you were together, while others had accepted your obvious friendships. Very few suspected you and Oscar, which was relieving. However, you realised what you had was of much higher value than anyone could take. You were well and truly in love.

It felt very different to anything you thought love was before. You wondered if maybe this was something else, larger and more cosmic. You had absolutely no idea how you hadn't shouted out to the whole world yet how much you adored him, since your heart was bursting with it. Yet it really did seem like no one knew. You didn't mind. No one had to know. It was private, adn beautiful, and belonged just to you two.

You were with him, all the time, just like he wanted. Which is how you ended up at the Vegas Grand Prix. Also conveniently, your two month anniversary. Good way to spend it, you thought.

The only thing stressing you out was your friendship with Lando. He was growing more distant, more nervous, more awkward. He was charismatic and magnetic as always of course, but it was these minute details you could notice.

So when he came to you a while after the race, hair doused in champagne, you knew it was time. Whatever he was bothered by, you were about to find out. It was relieving, already. He pulled you away from all the cameras, and began to speak. And as he spoke, you felt terrible for him. Each word, you willed him to unsay. To put it back where it had come from.

“Look, I know I’ve been weird recently. I just, I need to tell you something, okay? Please just, let me say this, alright mate?” he says nervously, and you nod.

“What if we tried again, but for real this time? I mean, we were brilliant, and that was fake.” he begins, and you wince already.

He continues. “I have to be honest, I mean I was really trying to not like you. Seriously. But it was impossible. You were so good at it all, without trying. And you were so, kind? Supportive. I don't even know. And by the end of it-” he explains, pausing at the sight of your face.

“Lando, please don’t. Please.” you beg, but he shakes his head.

“No, I need to admit this to you. It was so real to me, by the end. I didn’t even think that we weren't truly together, you know when. I just wanted to kiss you. And I was going to ask you if you felt it too, and then you basically went ‘fuck off I’m bored of you’ and shut the door in my face.”

“Lando-”

“And yes, I should’ve told you then. Pleaded with you not to go. Told you how I felt. But I knew you didn't feel the same, and I wasn't ready to deal with it. But I didn't want to let you go.” he finishes, looking at you hopefully.

“It was real to me too. I just, I thought it wasn't to you. I was hurt too, that's why I left. But-” you say gently, but it's too late.

That familiar smile grows on his face. “So? Well, that explains so much. I mean, this is great.” he rambles, and your heart hurts for him.

“I’m sorry Lando, I can’t. I’m in love with Oscar.” you practically whisper, but his expression barely changes.

“Yeah, you said that before, and then look what happened.” he replies flippantly, and you sigh.

“No, you muppet. We’ve been together for two months now. I am like, actively in love with him.” you say firmly, groaning.

You don’t wait for a reply, you just hug him tightly.

“Bad timing, huh?” he jokes weakly, and you laugh quietly.

“Yeah, something like that.” you respond. You both pull away, but you refuse to look him in the eyes. That’s when you are saved by a comforting arm around your shoulder, and you melt a little into Oscar, immediately relaxing.

“Hi guys. You okay?” he asks, addressing you both but looking more at you.

“Yep, I’m fine.” you respond, and Lando echoes you.

“Okay, well. We’re off, bye.” he says, now staring at Lando’s strange expression.

“Bye, mate.” he replies sullenly.

‘I’m sorry,” you mouth at him, as you turn away.

‘It’s okay.’

[tacoma-narrows]

Graduation Day

Well, it's finally here. The end of college. It's definitely been a ride and did not pan out the way I expected it to, but I've reached the end.

More talk about my college experience in general below the cut.

Graduating with a bachelors in Digital Media Arts, with honors and as a member of Lambda Pi Eta, the national communication studies honor society (that's what the red and white cords and pin are for, the medallion in the middle is my school's insignia), I can say I must've done pretty well here. At the same time though, I don't know that it's really set in or like, hit me yet. I don't know that it really will until August or September when I expect to go back to school and then just, don't aha.

But even then, I don't know that I can say I'm super proud to be here(?) It's sort of like that one post that's like "I don't really feel proud after finishing something, there's just a vague sense of relief that it's done" or however it goes. That's kind of how it's been for me over the last maybe 5 years or so. What also doesn't really help is that my college experience was not the best. This school was really over-promised and under-delivered to me, on the social front at least. Academically, the school's been very solid, but it's been lacking in the social side of things. I've really only made one substantial lasting-after-college friendship, which I'm very grateful for, but it would have been nice to have more people to hang out with in my time here.

After being in school pretty much my whole life since I was like, 5, being completely done with it (kind of) is definitely a weird feeling. I say "kind of" because technically I do still have to complete my internship, which I'll be doing back home over the summer and that is technically a class. So once I finish that, the school will send me my diploma. But that's barely a class so it's feels like it only sort of counts.

But anyways, I keep catching myself thinking "man I hope I don't have any more 8am classes next semester" to which then I think "wait, there's not gonna be a next semester." So like I said before, it's gonna take some adjustment aha.

But thank you to all of you guys who have stuck by me and supported me, my art and all my work while I've been in school. I know that it's caused some pretty drastic art droughts and stuff, so I really appreciate you all sticking around so much <33

[00127am]

tokuno yushi & gn! reader about an eventual, albeit reluctant, confession, embarrassingly head-over-heels yushi word count 1K words

AUGUST 13 83 degrees 📀 my heart by western kite

"you look pretty,"

the chatter of passing people from beneath your open window nearly consumes each syllable of his compliment, tone much too soft to be deciphered through the hustle and bustle of the city. a noise partnered with the all too familiar serenade of cicadas and the steady stop and go of traffic. the life all around you so loud that yushi, in all his gentle and tender words, is almost forgotten. washed away with the sudden strike of high tide, only to be resurrected by the lull in the surf and your significantly fine tuned hearing.

"yeah?" a question poised in the undertaking of an action as you pull your shirt from over your head, collar getting stuck on the angle of your chin. a problem solved as quickly as it had arisen with one harsh tug until the article of clothing is tossed absentmindedly onto the bed behind you.

he swallows softly, eyelashes fawning against his cheeks as his head tilts upon his shoulder. catlike eyes follow the curves of your naked spine, tracing over every muscle, every beauty mark, every imperfection and division. his answer is one made without thought, an immediate response that even he finds to be said much too instantaneously. "yeah,"

"thank you," you unbutton your jeans, shaking them off the bone of your hips with a few light steps and a yank at your beltloops. balancing on one foot as you slide them down your legs, kicking them off with a rightward snap of your ankle.

"have i ever told you that?"

you crouch down to one of your wardrobe drawers, sliding it open in a single, fluid motion. tongue caught in between your teeth as you sift through the clothing, fingertips slipping over the folded fabric once, twice, then three times over until you've successfully found the bottoms you've been searching for. "that i'm pretty?"

he nods, leaning against the doorframe as he watches you stand to your full height. a motion undertaken with little thought, one that he realizes you did not catch with the continued silence on your part. so instead, he offers you a hum of affirmation. one which stands out from the noise of your backdrop, a sound much too sweet too blend into anything else.

you pause, thinking for a moment before tugging on your pants. brows furrowed and nose scrunched as you button them, slender fingers dropping to the zipper. despite the thorough mundanity of the action, your red-haired counterpart gazes upon you as if you were dancing a pirouette la seconde. though, he supposes that he would watch paint dry if you were the one who had put it there. "i'm not sure,"

"well i do," he says, lips parted and tongue caught gently between them, expression tensed as if it were a matter of life or death, "think you're pretty, i mean,"

you laugh, eyes flicking upwards to meet his gaze. eyelashes upon eyebrows, the upwards curve of your lips obscured by the angle of your chin. your inflection is genuine, earnest. "so are you,"

despite the warmth which spreads throughout his chest at the register of your reply, your words are anything but. they're cool. refreshing and short-lived, like a breeze in the unrelenting gaze of the summer sun. one he wished would lay upon his skin for even a second longer, yearning for the chill which lays upon his spine and the sigh of relief which escapes his tongue.

swallowed in the heatwave of june, you're the only one who could make yushi freeze. and perhaps that's why his next words slip off his tongue with such ease, such an unconsciousness that he barely registers that he was the one who said them.

"i was in love with you last year,"

if you were at all startled by the sudden admission, you didn't show it. instead busying yourself with adorning your top chosen just a few moments prior. you're focused on straightening your shirt, attention unfocused on the boy in front of you. and for once, yushi's glad to not hold every ounce of your consideration. for if he did, if he was met by your gaze (the one which makes his heart drop to his knees) then he's positive he might explode.

your tone is nonchalant, an underlying hint of amusement evident in the ending intonation of your vowels. "really? did my failing grade in economics charm you?"

he shrugs, attempting to keep his tone every bit as casual as yours (it doesn't work, in fact, he sounds too much like a schoolboy with a crush for his replies to be considered anything but lovesick). "a bit,"

"glad it did something," you laugh, finally picking up your head to meet his gaze. a movement which encourages the sudden flight of a million and one butterflies, battering and banging against the walls of his stomach and sending his cheeks burning a shade of red most akin to his hair. "but now?"

yushi clears his throat, a last ditch effort for any sliver of composure (one which reaps no rewards). "what about now?"

arching your brow, you shoot him a incredulous look. as if what you were referring too was all but obvious (it was, but he's trying so desperately hard to wear an aloof facade despite the feeling of it unraveling with each and every glance in your direction). "you said last year. was in love. past tense,"

your words are spoken with a hint of haughtiness, a puffed up pride which sits upon your head like a golden crown. as if you had just gotten him to admit something you already knew and won the cat-and-mouse game which the two of you have been rattling between for the last year and a half. something that for all intents and purposes, you had. a trend which he was all but reluctant to continue. an unwillingness that lasts for just a fraction of a second. he huffs, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms in a show of faux annoyance. "i'm not giving you the satisfaction of using present tense,"

"but you would use it?"

"yeah," like the initial confession, the answer comes easy. slipping down from upon the tip of his tongue as smooth as honey. pooling in the roar of your heartbeat and resting upon the crimson blush of his cheeks. yushi's words are spoken with such an ease, such a natural lilt as if they are the only things in the world which he was ever meant to attest. "i would,"

🧾 © 00127AM 2024

[erik-even-gayer]

Tumblr themes & memes of 2024

Here's my take at a Tumblr Wrapped for 2024. Unlike Spotify, I waited until the actual end of the year.

If you see something on this list that causes you to say "But I heard about that long before 2024," that just shows that I am old and out of touch.

January

Pollmakers who deliberately leave off the likely most popular choice, so that everyone will vote "other" and reblog with their choice in the tags.

Portland Polycule Commune Cult.

Threshold Day and Sub Rosa Day.

February

"I love how tumblr users play with jpegs like dolls"

Fictional character stats sheets

Exploding hammer car

Which would surprise you the most knocking on your door--a fairy or a walrus?

Celibacy gif

March

Not beating the ____ allegations

April

Boop-o-meter

Max-pilled pill-maxxer

"I'm bald" as part of the "see results" poll answer.

Stuck in the woods with a bear or a man

May

(I forgot to make any notes this month.)

June

(I forgot to make any notes this month.)

July

It's Joever.

August

Triangle factory

drawings of Miku in different countries

September

"You'll see me on the news" as a suicide or death threat

It's a concept of a ____.

October

McDonald Trump memes

penisless website

November

(I forgot to make any notes this month.)

December

CEOs beware

The assassin is hot

Previously

2023

2022

[yourstrulynobody]

I randomly had a thought on "Hey, I wonder what will happen if Dazzle were to ever meet the other (named) kids who disappeared in July 16th?" And then I realized I'm an artist so :D

(I personally made all their designs as different as I could just to test my drawing skills—ESPECIALLY when it comes to animals because I suck at drawin em)

(Close ups and yap session under cut)

[SMALL HCS + LORE AND DESIGN MEANINGS]:

Evelyn/Dazzle: last to go that day — added bracelets that represented the others (Jack, Sun and herself //given by Jack//) — has a stripped leg warmer similar to Sun's pants + more freckles — sunflower design her clothing rather than just the pouch

Jamie: represents her shy behavior/always hiding away somewhere when met with interaction + now she can hide anywhere easily — has her one remaining organ stuck with her — James's older twin sister

James: sleeps a lot so one eye + he doesnt even know "Sun" did it, mf was sleeping the entire time — the parts where his body parts is cut is where he was chopped, and the ghost like effects are the body parts that were never found (/head and legs) — scared of snakes (or reptiles in general) + never liked Monty because of said fear

Huey: his easily crying nature is the opposite of his animatronic body (a kangaroo as they are known for strength) — tucked in hair in scarf as if to "hide" — droopy ears because hes always sad (ever since the incident) :(

Jackie: "noodle" arms because her arms were chopped off — was a very optimistic person before she disappeared, now shes so silent — her pattern represents her vitiligo (yey wholesome!!) — she is afraid of ghosts (imagine her horror when she turned into one...)

Howei: I like to think that hes the eldest among them—12 Y/O to be exact, and tried protecting all of them + very much HATES Sun — wont let the other move on until Evelyn joins them — is kinda the leader so I made him into a dragon — hes just a kid still that didnt really know what happened that night.

The reason why Huey and Jackie are animatronics are because their souls entered recently scrapped animatronics as soon as the animatronics were thrown away (creator of said animatronics are unknown). They take care of their new bodies a lot to prevent it from damaging further.

The kids thankfully dont have to recharge or worry about hungry since theyre ghost and/or animatronics.

Fun fact: James's design was actually made months prior all the way back in 2024's August. He was initially Moons ghost child and I may actually keep this piece of lore, who knows??

[ih3artreggie]

guys, it's finally happening. annalations is back in session, with today's yap being about...

REGULUS BLACK IN MY DRs

yeah. it's THE regulus post. IM FINALLY DOING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

so far, reg is in five drs of mine: marauders (duh), f1, asoiaf, twilight (bear with me), and kingsman. today i will be detailing what he's like in those drs because i am lowkey very proud of myself for being creative and fitting him in as well as i can. and also i love him. BLEUUUUGH!!!!

the BASICS about him:

he's a leo. his birthday is august 7, and he's a little less than a year younger than me (COUGAR ALERT!!! 😱). the original reason he's an august baby is cause i refused to have him be more than a year younger than me in my marauders dr... but now it's kind of stuck, and he is like 100% a leo in my head. Well yes!

he is in fact half french and speaks it fluently

in every dr he's in, sirius is his brother. i am not being responsible for separating them (again...)

he is also always bffs with evan. i'm not separating them EITHER!!

i don't have a specific fc for him - no one fits my vision. timothée chalamet is probably the closest you can get, but there are several people who have an element of regulus to them, those being: elijah hewson, alain delon, and (occasionally) mark eydelshteyn.

HUGELY IMPORTANT!!! he has grey eyes and faint freckles on his nose. FIGHT ME IDGAF

and now... drum roll for... the JUICY STUFF!!!

‧₊˚❀ MARAUDERS REALITY ༉‧₊˚.

regulus is like. default regulus in this dr, because – of course! – this is the source material (regrettably)

we are both in seventh year...

he's the slytherin prefect and seeker. Yay.

i am also seeker on the gryffindor team. Bound to be total, utter joy competing against him

MY SPURNED MORTAL ENEMY!!!.............. unless?

we've known each other since we were 6 and 7 years old, and from that point on we were great friends

he was best friends with evan, and i was best friends with sirius, but despite that, him and i were really close, and had a much more... tame? vibe

(sirius and i were/are crazy)

this, however, was until fifth year when he randomly decided to dump me. in front of the whole school. on the quidditch pitch. after i won. Soooo cool!

so now we don't like each other (we are both liars)

i guess you could call us more rivals than enemies but he sure does not do me any favours

although he does have a penchant for staring at me in potions... must be the humidity playing tricks on me

DISCLAIMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he is not a death eater. won't happen ever. NOT ON MY WATCH!!! #NotMyRegulus

‧₊˚❀ F1 REALITY ༉‧₊˚.

controversially, regulus is Not an f1 driver in this dr. Sorry! i am too weak to date my coworkers 💔 (+ he'd hate it)

rather, he studies classics at oxford (cough... NERD...) and is a piano tutor in his spare time

i've known him since we were 13 or 14 – him and evan met in boarding school, and i would see a LOT of him because of how close they were

we did not get along in the beginning, which was entirely my fault 😞

long story short, we were rivals/frenemies for a while until we eventually grew out of it and didn't see each other as often

we hung out at a party last year, but fell victim to miscommunication (NOOO!!! NOOOOOO!) and now have beef AGAIN!!!!!!

but never fear! everything will work out because he will mysteriously show up at the first race of the season in bahrain, looking to talk to me!

#Pray4Me

#I'mGoingToDie

‧₊˚❀ ASOIAF REALITY ༉‧₊˚.

this dr is very much still in the works (so bear with me me if some of this doesn't make exact sense), but i am quite proud of it...

i made house black an actual house of the north. their land, or territory that they control, is called the blacklands, and it's known for being a freaking horror movie

in this dr, sirius was a (very good but very slutty) knight who suspiciously went missing... (ran away to the free cities), leaving reg as the sole heir...

regulus black, now lord of his family and house after his father was taken ill, finds himself in a living nightmare – aligned with house bolton, complicit in the betrayal of the starks, and surrounded on all sides by stark allies

guess what. motherfucker gets kidnapped

for less than 12 hours though!

somehow the shittiest mormont bannermen are tasked with taking him (they obviously know that regulus has never held a sword in his LIFE)

lucky for him, i stumble upon him in a bit of a pickle, and decide to help him out. you know, being a knight of valour and justice and all that

guys it's nothing! really it's just a day in the life of the best knight in westeros (jaime lannister i'm gonna end u).

this little run-in basically puts us on a tedious road back to getting him to his family

hilarity ensues, and ends with me swearing allegiance to him and ONLY him. NOT his family. romance is in fact not dead and neither is my undying devotion

sirius also comes back from the dead after hearing about regulus being in trouble, which adds MORE drama to everything

"unhand my brother!" (i promptly laugh in his face)

MORE hilarity ensues, because everyone eventually finds out who i actually am (balon greyjoy's daughter). fun for all the family!

if you can't tell, this dr is a bit unserious. i don't really like everyone getting stabbed to death or burnt alive, so i will in fact be working my way around that (somehow). Stay Tuned!

‧₊˚❀ TWILIGHT REALITY ༉‧₊˚.

now, the lore is deep with this one

regulus is a vampire. YAY! but was also a wizard! Oh?

yeah. this is sort of a hp x twilight dr, but i have no interaction with the magic side of it because i dont want to. TAKE THAT!

DISCLAIMER 2!!! he has never taken a human life and point blank refuses to even think about it

basically, similar to canon, regulus died trying to destroy horcruxes, but didn't... actually... die. he was turned into a vampire

AGAIN!!!!!!! HE WAS NOT A DEATH EATER!!!!! just a fucking genius

anyways he went to albania to try and find that fuckass diadem and ended up getting bit by a vampire at the age of 19. good for him (he thinks it's worse than death #EdwardCullenCore)

vampires and wizards have MAJOR arcane ancient beef (like in the hp books) and so regulus was turned almost entirely out of spite. it was a huge FUCK YOU! from his maker

because vampires are technically dead, as soon as he was turned, he lost all his magic, and all connection to the magical world. it was basically as if he never had any in the first place

once he was changed, he had to learn everything from the beginning, because he knew nothing about non-magical society

it also caused an identity crisis because he spent his whole life being told that his family was superior because they were "pureblooded" but none of it mattered in relation to magic because. DEATH IS THE GREAT EQUALIZER!!

anywho

he basically hid out in the scottish highlands for a couple decades, learning how to assimilate with society and act human

he also pretended to be his own descendant and has inherited his own house twice by doing it. (i think edward also does the same thing from memory...)

he finds it very amusing to give his fictional descendants the worst names possible as well. the last name he made up was HERCULES BLACK?????????? putain de merde, as the french say

he also found a way into the magical world and tried to see sirius (did not go well; he hasn't tried again)

he went out looking for other vampires because he realised he knew nothing after 40 something years as one, and eventually ended up at the cullens

which is where i come in!

imagine my surprise when i – friend of the quileutes, sworn enemy of edward cullen, and freshly back from australia – am ambushed on my shift at the hospital by a new freaking vampire! and he's HOT?! I'm COOKED!

anyways! L for jasper as well because reg is younger than him and has way better self control. bulletproof self control actually

also regulus' power is. he can sort of hypnotise people? he can make eye contact with someone and put them in a trance – they won't remember anything for a period of 30 seconds to 5 minutes depending on how long he looks at them for

alice has taken to calling him medusa while i was away LMFAOOOOO

‧₊˚❀ KINGSMAN REALITY ༉‧₊˚.

no header for this one, since it's pretty much just a feeling i have

once again, this is sort of a crossover dr between slow horses and kingsman

before i was part of kingsman, i worked at mi5, alongside river cartwright (before he was put in slough house)

i was one of their top agents, and seriously well respected

at this point, i only knew regulus as evan's best friend, and a pretentious rich kid

that is until, on an assignment, i was following a target, and ran into him doing the exact same thing. we were following the same person, for the same reason. it was essentially that spiderman meme of us pointing at each other (with guns unfortunately)

anyways uhh the run in was not friendly and shots were in fact fired (HE WOULDN'T TELL ME WHY TF HE WAS THERE!!!!!!!)

after this incident, i was put on leave. like Fine but WTF

i was contacted by a man called will green (agent Gawain (DEV PATEL!!!)), who said he'd seen the footage of my run in with regulus, reviewed my record at mi5, and wanted to talk

WHAT FOOTAGE?! i was bewildered, but agreed to meet (i needed a job)

anyways, this was my induction into kingsman. he nominated me as a candidate for the position of agent viviane, and i passed all the trials with flying colours

regulus (agent Tristan) was not pleased

since then (seeing as that was 2 years ago), we have been in constant competition

he wont me fr he's just way too petty to admit it

to be fair, i still spite him for fucking up my career in the service, so. we're even

i lowkey just came up with all that kingsman lore on the spot, but yeah! if there's one thing i'm gonna do, it's make sure that i get my rivals to lovers!

ok. i think that's it. i'm running on 4.5 hours of sleep, but one thing is for certain: I LOVE REGULUS BLACK!!! they don't call me ih3artreggie for nothing!

ok good night, happy new years, and happy shifting everyone! until next time... Xx ❤︎

[milkmejae]

Brisbane '17— s.yj

sypnosis: year '17, after your parents’ bitter divorce, life feels like it’s falling apart. one night, on a rooftop, you're ready to end it all—not until a guy stops you. the encounter sparks an unexpected connection, though neither is ready to admit it.

genre: romance, angst, fluff, tragedy, comedy (?)

pairing: boy next door!s.jy x female!reader

word count: 7.1k

warnings: mentions of su!cide, death, profanity, physical attack (unintentional lol), familial problems, depression

playlist: call me back - chase atlantic, brisbane - youth in revolt, her - chase atlantic, bmf - SZA, love me not - ravyn lenae, kiss kiss - mgk, royalty - enhypen, ivy - frank ocean, august 10 - julie doiron, strangers - ethel cain

a/n: hi lovely reader, this is my first work and idek how to write lol. still gonna edit this but this fic is inspired by the song brisbane by youth in revolt and the aussie boy himself, i hope y'all will like this, mwa! please reblog if u want. not proofread

Year 2017— Brisbane, Australia

The suburban rooftops stretched out under the faint glow of the moon, rows of identical houses and overgrown lawns barely visible in the darkness. The night was cold, and the wind carried the petrichor from the rain, but you really didn’t care. It was eerily quiet, just like you wanted it to be. The edge felt so close—just one step, one moment of weightlessness, and then everything would finally stop. The whispers of your parents arguing still echoed in your mind, even though they already stopped and ended things months ago. Their divorce had been loud, messy, and final. All the abuse and hurting is done, but not on your part. You were still tormented in your own mind. They moved on with their separate lives while you were left stuck in the ruins of what used to be a family.

Your long, black locks whipped around your face as you took a drag from your cigarette. The warmth of the smoke wasn’t enough to chase away the chill in your chest. The metal railing pressed into your palms, the cold biting into your skin. You leaned forward slightly, eyes closing and letting the wind brush against like a silent invitation.

The night became your sanctuary. But tonight, it was meant to be your escape.

You leaned forward slightly, toes curling within the sneakers over the edge. You were on edge. The cold metal railing pressed against your palms as your breath hitched. It would be quick, you thought to yourself. It would be painless.

"You're not really going to do that, are you?"

The voice startled you, sharp and low, like a blade slicing through the silence. You spun around, your heart lurching within your aching chest, breath starting to get heavy.

He was standing in the shadow of a tree across your house, half-hidden in darkness. Moonlight seeping through the leaves, revealing his dark brown hair sitting messily over his forehead, hiding his sculpted appearance. Black hoodie hung loosely on his frame. His hands were shoved deep into his pockets, and he tilted his head slightly, watching her.

"What the fuck?" you hissed, narrowing your eyes. Strings were pulled within him, producing a low chuckle that's somewhat utterly offensive on your part.

"Who even are you?"

"Someone who doesn't want to see a messy scene," he said, stepping into the faint light. His voice was calm, almost indifferent, but there was something unsettlingly focused about his dark eyes. "It’s a long way down, you know."

"None of your business," you snapped on his words instantly, turning back toward the edge.

"Maybe not," he said, his tone almost lazy. "But I’d hate to see someone ruin a perfectly good night." You froze, gripping the railing tighter. "What do you want?"

The man took a step closer, his movements slow and deliberate. "Just to chill, but you made a scene so it somehow ruined it." Oh, that's not very kind of him.

"Fuck off you dickhead, I'm already on the verge of making my brain scatter on the ground and you ruined it, god—"

"yeah yeah, you good?"

Did he just cut you off?

You were pushed to the edge, you might as well just blow your heads off, right? His voice was annoying, a second away from making your veins pop and destroying whatever's within you.

"Do I look like I'm good?”

“Nope, you look shit.” popping the ‘p’

“Why do you care?" Your voice wavered, betraying the anger you tried to cling to. He shrugged. "Why not? Doesn't cost me anything to care." You glared at him over his shoulder, chest tightening.

"Fuck off."

"Nope," he declined, popping the 'p' again, almost breaking his neck looking up, watching you a few feet away. His eyes stayed on you, unblinking. "But I can tell you’re not as cold as you want to seem." clearly annoying you to get something… typical.

You didn’t respond. "Let me guess," he continued, his voice softer now. "You think this is the only way to make it stop. The pain, the loneliness, all of it." The guy kinda get what you're feeling at the moment, hell, it even felt like he could see straight through the walls you spent years building around. It was disarming—how he spoke like he understood, like he’d been there too. His words weren’t pitying or condescending; they were raw, honest in a way that made your chest ache. But still, it feels like it's an act to go through you, can't really trust anyone these days.

You didn’t answer, but your grip on the cold metal railing became tighter than ever, as if it was not letting him the space to keep talking.

“You’re not the only one feeling this way,” he continued, his voice steady but somehow warm, like the kind of drug you didn’t know you needed until someone offered it. “And I’m not saying things will magically get better overnight. But jumping from a rooftop won’t fix anything. It’s a dumb way to go, you won't even die. It won’t make the pain go away.”

Plain stupid. You didn’t want to hear it. No. Not from some dude living across your house. But still, you couldn’t shake the way his voice felt like a lifeline—a thread you didn’t want to grab but felt reaching for anyway.

“I don’t know what it feels like to be you,” he added, stepping a little closer, his eyes not leaving mine. “But I know what it’s like to feel like everything’s too much. That you’re drowning,” His voice softened even more, almost gentle. “I won’t pretend to have all the answers. But I do know that there’s no point in doing something that takes everything from you. Not when there’s still a chance to find something else.”

You looked down at the ground, at him, heart heavy in your chest. The suburb lights flickered below the guy, a tiny, distant reminder of everything you were trying to do, plotting a cry to escape. Throat tightening, you felt a lump form from within that you couldn’t swallow down.

He took another step closer, his gaze still soft but unwavering. “You don’t have to be alone in this.”

The words hit harder than you expected. No one had ever said anything like that to you—not in the way he did, with no judgment, just nothing.

"So just come down and—”

Shit.

His nose is on period.

You just wanted to shoo him away, not throw an empty pot on his face. Well, you told him to mind his business but he couldn’t. Deserved.

"Listen," he said, as if reading the thoughts in your mind, "Even if you broke my nose, I’m not leaving until you come down from here. And if you try to go back to that edge, I’ll be ready to call the cops on you. I know you probably think I’m just some random guy who doesn’t know a thing, but I don’t wanna be the person of interest if you die."

You inhaled shakily, your breath catching in your throat. It felt like you're teetering on the edge of something—something fragile that you didn’t want to fall into, but something you're so tired of fighting. The pain in your chest had been so constant, so overwhelming, that you almost convinced yourself it was the only thing you knew how to feel.

But this moment, with him standing there, with that soft but resolute look in his eyes, made it all feel a tad less heavy.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he added, his voice quieter now. “Not unless you do.”

For the first time in what felt like forever, you didn’t want to go anywhere. You felt something you hadn’t let yourself feel in a long time— warmth.

—------

The school bell rang, slicing through the quiet of the early morning. You sat in your usual seat in the back of the classroom, eyes focused on the empty desk in front. It was hard to shake the feeling from last night—the quiet rooftop, his voice, the way his words had made the weight in my chest feel a little less suffocating.

But this was school. This was a place full of people you barely knew, and most of them you didn’t care to. You were fine with the distance, being nonexistent, keeping your head down, interactions as minimal as possible. It’s cooler that way.

You pulled out your notebook, hoping the comfort of your routine would ground you. But as you glanced around the room, your gaze landed on a figure near the door.

With all of its glory, it was the guy.

"Yo! Jake!"

It was loud and playful, carrying a teasing energy that you couldn’t ignore. You turned, just for a second, then glanced at the source of the sound. A guy appeared, tall with messy washed-brown hair and an easy grin plastered across his face. His energy seemed to fill the hallway as he walked up to the guy, clapping him on the back with enough force that the guy nearly stumbled from his seat, but quickly recovered.

Jake...

The name was already lodged in your mind, familiar in a way you didn’t want it to be. And yet, it was impossible to ignore the small ripple of something—something you couldn’t name—that had started when you first heard it. It wasn’t much, just the passing mention of a name. But the way it rolled off his friend's tongue, with that playful teasing and the easy affection, made you realize just how little you knew about the boy who had stopped you on the rooftop.

He was leaning casually against the doorframe, his dark brown hair tousled as always, a crooked smile playing on his lips. He was wearing the school uniform, but it looked effortlessly cool on him, like he hadn’t even tried. You had to admit, the guy’s drop dead gorgeous. And, for the briefest moment, I could’ve sworn he was looking straight at me.

"What’s up, man?" the other guy said with a boisterous laugh. "You’ve been ghosting us again!"

Jake raised an eyebrow, amusement flickering across his face. "You’re one to talk, Hee," he muttered, pushing his friend away in mock irritation. "I’ve just been busy."

His friend didn’t let up. "Yeah, yeah," he said with exaggerated drama, throwing an arm around Jake’s neck and pulling him into a friendly headlock. "Where have you been, huh? Got yourself a girlfriend or something?"

Jake rolled his eyes but didn’t fight it. "Doubt it," he replied coolly, pulling away from his friend’s hold and straightening his shirt. "Just keeping busy."

The guy wasn’t finished. He glanced over at you, a mischievous glint appearing in his eyes as he waved a hand in your direction. "Yo, what’s up?" he said loudly, flashing a grin. "You two know each other?"

“oh, fuck.” You cursed under your breath.

Jake stiffened, his body language changing ever so slightly, but it was enough for you to notice. His gaze flickered briefly over to you, but he said nothing. It wasn’t the surprise or curiosity you’d expect from someone who had just met you—it was almost as if he recognized you, but wasn’t quite willing to acknowledge it. You turned your head quickly, pretending not to care, but there was a faint flutter in your chest that you didn’t quite understand.

His friend seemed to take it as an invitation to tease more. "Don’t tell me, Jake," he continued, his voice dripping with amusement, "you’ve got some secret going on here?"

Jake, still with that same calm expression, didn’t flinch at his friend’s words. His gaze remained fixed on the blonde guy, but it was clear that he wasn’t going to entertain the question. "Can you just go away?" Jake muttered, pushing his friend away with a little more force this time.

The guy, unfazed by Jake’s disinterest, just shrugged, still smirking. "Alright, alright. Don’t get all grumpy, man." He turned to leave but threw one last playful look your way. "But hey, don’t be a stranger, okay?" he called out, his voice light and teasing.

You stood there, unsure of what to make of it all. The interaction between the two of them had felt so effortless, like this kind of back-and-forth was second nature for them. It made you feel like you were witnessing something you weren’t supposed to be a part of. And yet, there you were, caught in the middle of it.

Jake watched his friend walk off, but for a moment, there was something unreadable in his gaze. His eyes flickered to you again, but this time, there was a subtle shift—a brief, almost imperceptible glance that lasted a little too long to be accidental. He dragged his seat towards you to be closer, obviously.

It was strange. You could feel it in the pit of your stomach—a warmth, a flicker of something that shouldn’t have been there. But Jake quickly broke the moment, pulling his phone out again and looking down at the screen, his casual indifference back in place.

"His name’s Heeseung," Jake said, as if he were speaking to himself more than to you. "Just in case you were wondering."

You didn’t know why, but the name seemed to settle somewhere deep inside you. It echoed in your mind long after Jake had finished speaking. "Heeseung." You repeated it under your breath, but it didn’t seem to matter. It was the least significant thing in the world, but for some reason, it felt like you’d just learned something important.

Jake, however, didn’t seem to care. He didn’t acknowledge you any further, nor did he make any effort to start a conversation. He stood there, his back to the lockers, his eyes glued to his phone. He wasn’t interested in talking to you, at least not outwardly. But you couldn’t shake the feeling that he was watching you. That subtle shift in his gaze, the way his eyes lingered just a second too long. It was like he was ignoring you, but also, not really.

And as you walked away, the feeling that had started to settle in your chest—something between curiosity and discomfort—lingered. You didn’t know what it meant, and you didn’t want to know. But it was there, and no matter how much you tried to push it aside, you couldn’t ignore the way his gaze had felt.

—------

The final bell echoed through the hallways, a collective sigh of relief spreading as students spilled out of classrooms, ready to escape for the day. You, as usual, lingered behind. There was no rush. It wasn’t like there was anyone waiting for you at home, and you preferred the silence of an empty hallway to the chaotic noise outside.

You were zipping your bag when a shadow filled the doorway. Jake stood there, leaning casually against the frame, hands shoved into his pockets. His dark brown hair fell over his forehead, messy yet annoyingly perfect. He had that infuriating smirk plastered on his face—the kind that screamed trouble without him having to say a word.

“What do you want?” you asked, your tone flat as you adjusted your bag on your shoulder. “Good question,” he said, stepping inside with an air of nonchalance. He shut the door behind him, the sound making you stiffen. “I was thinking… you look like someone who could use a change of scenery.”

You raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. “And you look like someone who’s wasting my time.”

He ignored your jab, taking a few steps closer. “Come on,” he said, his voice light, teasing. “You can’t be always hiding and feeling like shit forever.”

“I’m not hiding,” you shot back, narrowing your eyes. “And I don’t need a pep talk from you.” Jake tilted his head, studying you for a moment. The way his gaze lingered made you shift uncomfortably. Then, with a sudden movement, he reached out and grabbed your wrist.

“Let go,” you snapped, trying to pull away, but his grip was firm.

“No.”

“Yes”

“Fuck no.”

“Not happening,” he said, his smirk widening as he started pulling you toward the door.

You dug your heels into the floor, glaring at him. “What are you doing?”

“Kidnapping you,” he replied breezily. “Don’t worry, i’ll send you home before dinner.” The man winked at you, utterly disgusting.

“Jake, I swear—”

“Relax,” he interrupted, glancing back at you. “You’re too uptight. This’ll be fun. Trust me.”

“I don’t trust you,” you said coldly, but he didn’t seem to care. He dragged you outside, ignoring your protests. By the time you reached the parking lot, you were fuming. That’s when you saw it—a beat-up, ancient bike leaning against the fence.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you muttered, staring at the contraption. Jake grinned, clearly amused. “What? It’s a classic.”

“It’s a trap,” you said, your tone dripping with disdain. He swung a leg over the seat, ignoring your comment. “Get on.”

“No,” you replied bluntly.

“Alright,” he said with a shrug, grabbing your bag and tossing it into the rusty basket on the front. “Guess I’ll take this instead.”

Your eyes narrowed. “Jake, don’t—”

But he was already pedaling away, the sound of his laughter carried by the wind.

“Unbelievable,” you muttered, running after him.

By the time you caught up, you were at the entrance to the beach. The salty breeze hit you first, followed by the rhythmic crash of waves against the shore. You didn’t even knew that there was a place like this in the shitty place you’re in. Jake was leaning casually against his bike, looking far too pleased with himself.

“Here we are,” he said, gesturing to the ocean like he owned it. You snatched your bag from the basket, glaring at him. “What’s the point of this?”

“The point,” he said, stepping closer, “is that you’ve been walking around like the world owes you something. Thought I’d remind you it doesn’t.”

You stared at him, anger bubbling under your skin. “You’re cringe.” snarling at the boy, smirking at you gracefully.

“Maybe not,” he admitted, his smirk softening into something quieter. “But I know this is better than you staring at a ceiling alone all day.” Before you could respond, another voice called out from the dunes.

“Jakey!”

You turned to see a guy approaching, with a tall and lean frame, skin white as snow. His hair blonde, not a speck of darkness, as if it was freshly bleached, he looks blinding.

“That’s Sunghoon” Jake said, barely sparing him a glance. “Ignore him.” Sunghoon rolled his eyes as he reached you, giving Jake a playful shove. “Dude, I was just passing by and.... who is this fine young woman?”

Jake didn’t answer, his focus returning to you. Sunghoon looked between the two of you, an eyebrow raised, but he didn’t comment. Instead, he gave you a quick nod.

“Shut up, Sunghoon,” Jake muttered, grabbing your wrist again. “I’m not even talking?” Sunghoon was confused at the remark his friend dropped. Yeah, he wasn’t even talking? “Go home, Hoon.” Jake replied, annoyed by the sight of his friend.

“Yeah going home now, was just passing by but got busted instead” Sunghoon fake cried, gripping his chest dramatically whilst walking towards the road away from the sea.

“Come on.” You allowed him to lead you down to the shore, ignoring his friend. The sand cool beneath your feet. The ocean stretched out before you, endless and calm. Jake didn’t say anything, but he stayed close, his presence annoyingly steady.

The salty breeze swept through the air, pulling strands of your hair into your face as Jake led you down to the shoreline. The ocean stretched out before you, endless and restless, its waves crashing rhythmically against the sand. It was nearing sunset, the sky streaked with fiery hues of orange, pink, and gold, casting everything in a warm, dreamlike glow.

You turned to Jake, raising an eyebrow. "Your friends are weird." Jake shrugged, his lips curling into an unapologetic grin. "You’re one to talk."

“Jokes on you, don’t have one.” You crossed your arms, already regretting letting him drag you here. "Alright, we’re here. Now what? Am I supposed to have some kind of life-altering epiphany while staring at the ocean?"

"That would be ideal," Jake said, crouching down to pick up a rock. He turned it over in his hand before tossing it toward the water, the stone skipping three times before disappearing beneath the surface. "But I’d settle for you cracking a smile."

You snorted. "Don’t hold your breath."

Jake straightened and turned to face you, his grin softening into something quieter, almost thoughtful. "You can’t tell me this doesn’t feel a little better than sitting in your room, doing… whatever it is you do all day."

“Being dead is waaaaaay better that whatever this is, I wanna-” You opened your mouth to argue, but the words wouldn’t come. He wasn’t entirely wrong. There was something about the sound of the waves, the cool breeze on your skin, and the way the fading sunlight painted the world in soft, golden hues.

Jake noticed your hesitation and his grin returned, this time more triumphant. "See? I knew it. You’re just too stubborn to admit I’m right."

"Don’t get used to it," you muttered, brushing past him toward the water.

The sand was cool beneath your feet, damp and firm where the waves lapped at the shore. You stared out at the horizon, the sky now bleeding into shades of lavender and indigo. It felt strangely calming, like the ocean was swallowing up all the noise in your head. Jake came to stand beside you, his hands tucked into his pockets. He glanced at you out of the corner of his eye, as if gauging your mood.

"You ever skip rocks?" he asked, breaking the silence.

"No, why would i?"

He bent down and picked up a flat stone, holding it out to you. "Here. Try it."

You stared at the rock like it might bite you. "Why?"

"Because," he said, his tone teasing, "I don’t think you’ve ever done anything remotely fun in your life."

You shot him a glare but took the rock anyway. It was smoother than you expected, cool and oddly comforting against your palm. Jake stepped back, giving you space as he gestured toward the water.

"Flick your wrist," he said. "Like this." He mimed the motion, his movements fluid and easy.

You tried to imitate him, throwing the rock with as much precision as you could muster. It plunked unceremoniously into the waves, sinking without even a single skip.

Jake burst out laughing, the sound loud and unapologetic.

"Wow," he said, shaking his head. "That was… something."

"Don’t," you warned, narrowing your eyes at him.

"What? I’m just saying, for someone who acts like they’re above everything, you’re surprisingly bad at this."

You grabbed another rock, determined to wipe that smug grin off his face. After a few failed attempts—and Jake’s insufferable commentary each time—you finally managed a single skip.

"There you go!" he said, clapping his hands. "Knew you had it in you."

"Shut up," you muttered, though you couldn’t stop the small smile tugging at your lips.

The two of you stayed there for a while, tossing rocks and exchanging sarcastic remarks. The sun dipped lower and lower, painting the beach in shades of amber and crimson. Jake eventually flopped down onto the sand, leaning back on his elbows as he stared up at the darkening sky.

You hesitated before sitting a few feet away, pulling your knees to your chest. The sound of the waves filled the silence between you, comfortable and unpressured.

"You’re quiet," Jake said after a while, his voice softer than before.

"I don’t like talking," you replied bluntly.

"Yeah, I noticed." He glanced at you, a hint of amusement in his expression. "But you’re still here."

“Aight, I’ll go first.” You tried to stand, not sure how to respond. The man grabbed your wrist immediately, forcing you to stay.

“NOOOOOO,” he shouted in disdain. “I was just playing with you, you’re too dense.”

Jake smiled faintly, tilting his head back to look at the stars beginning to peek through the darkened sky. "You know," he said, his tone thoughtful, "sometimes it’s nice to just… be like this. No expectations, no pressure. Just this."

For once, you didn’t have a retort. The ocean stretched out endlessly before you, vast and calming, and for the first time in what felt like forever, you didn’t feel the weight of your thoughts pressing down on you.

Jake glanced at you again, his expression unreadable. "See? Told you it’s not so bad."

"Don’t push your luck," you muttered, but there was no bite in your words. The two of you stayed there until the sky turned deep blue, the stars scattered like tiny diamonds overhead. Jake stood first, brushing sand off his jeans before holding a hand out to you.

"Come on," he said, his voice quiet but steady. "Let’s head back before it gets too late."

You stared at his hand for a moment before taking it, his grip warm and firm as he helped you to your feet. As you walked back toward the bike, the sound of the waves fading behind you, you couldn’t help but feel… lighter. For a little while, the weight you carried wasn’t so heavy.

—------

The days after fell into an unspoken pattern, a natural ebb and flow that neither of you acknowledged outright but couldn’t seem to break. Jake had a way of weaving himself into your days effortlessly, his presence becoming as routine as the ringing of the school bell.

It started with the small things. You’d find him waiting for you after class, leaning against the wall with that ever-present smirk playing on his lips. At first, you’d scoff, brushing past him with a curt, “Don’t you have someone else to bother?” But he’d fall into step beside you, completely unbothered by your cold tone.

“Maybe,” he’d reply, hands shoved into his pockets. “But you’re way more fun.”

You didn’t notice how often it started happening until it became something you looked forward to. Even when you tried to convince yourself that you didn’t care, the way your heart picked up speed every time you saw him leaning casually against the lockers told a different story.

In the mornings, he’d spot you walking through the school gates and fall in step beside you without a word. By lunch, he’d somehow worm his way into sitting across from you, a tray of food in hand and a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“You know,” he’d say one afternoon, resting his chin on his hand as he studied you, “you’re a lot more tolerable when you’re not glaring at me.”

“I wanna make you bite the curb.”

“It’s true, you look pretty if you're not glaring at me.”

You scoffed, stabbing at your salad with unnecessary aggression. “And you’re marginally less annoying when you’re not talking.”

“Marginally,” he repeated, grinning. “I’ll take it.”

What surprised you most was how natural it felt. Jake had a way of breaking down your walls without you realizing it, slipping through the cracks with his easy charm and disarming humor. He didn’t push too hard; he didn’t need to. His persistence was quiet, steady, and strangely comforting.

Before long, your walks home became routine. He’d wait for you outside the school gates, kicking at the gravel as if he’d been there for hours. Sometimes, you’d walk in silence, the only sounds being the rustle of leaves and the occasional distant bark of a dog. Other times, he’d talk about anything and everything—his dreams of traveling, funny stories about his childhood, or even the ridiculous antics of his friends Heeseung and Sunghoon.

“You should meet them sometime,” he said once, glancing at you out of the corner of his eye. “They’d love you.”

“I wouldn't.” You snorted.

“No, really,” he insisted. “You’d fit right in. They’ve got thick skin, so your whole ‘I don’t care about anyone’ vibe wouldn’t scare them off.”

“I doubt that.” smiling ever so slightly which made Jake’s heart skip a beat.

“No way.”

“What?”

“You fucking smiled, bro you-” The guy is now shouting, freaking out from what he had just witnessed. “YOU SHOULD SMILE OFTEN!” Jake is twitching at this point, in his perspective, you look like an angel sent from above.

Your lips twitched, but you quickly suppressed the smile threatening to break free. “Sounds like a nightmare.”

Despite your attempts to keep him at arm’s length, you found yourself relaxing around him more and more. The biting remarks softened into playful banter, and the silences between you felt less like walls and more like bridges.

But with the growing closeness came something else—something neither of you were willing to name. It was in the way his gaze lingered a little too long when you weren’t looking, the way his teasing tone softened whenever you let your guard down. It was in the way your heart skipped a beat every time he brushed past you, his shoulder bumping yours as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

One evening, as you walked home together, the sun dipped low on the horizon, painting the sky in hues of gold and pink. Jake was unusually quiet, his hands stuffed into his pockets as he glanced at you from the corner of his eye.

“What?” you asked, your voice sharper than you intended.

He hesitated, his usual confidence faltering for just a moment. “Nothing,” he said quickly, a sheepish smile tugging at his lips.

You rolled your eyes but felt your cheeks warm under his gaze. The air between you felt heavier than usual, charged with something unspoken.

The days blurred into weeks, and soon it wasn’t just the afternoons you spent together. Jake began showing up early in the mornings, offering to walk you to school. He’d lean against the gate, his dark brown hair catching the light in a way that made your stomach twist uncomfortably.

“You know, I don’t need an escort,” you told him one morning, adjusting the strap of your bag. “Who said anything about needing?” he shot back, falling into step beside you. “I just like the company.”

You didn’t respond, but a small part of you—the part that you kept buried deep down—was grateful for him.

In school, you noticed how his attention shifted. Jake was popular, with friends who seemed to orbit around him like planets around the sun. But his focus was always on you. Even when he was surrounded by laughter and chatter, his eyes would search for yours.

It scared you, the way he saw through your defenses. You’d spent so long building walls, convinced that no one could—or should—get close. But Jake… Jake didn’t knock them down. He climbed over them, slowly and deliberately, until you weren’t sure where the barriers ended and where he began.

You both felt it—that quiet, undeniable pull. But neither of you dared to say it out loud. Instead, you let it linger in the space between you, in the stolen glances and fleeting touches. Because saying it would make it real, and real meant vulnerable.

And neither of you were ready for that.

—------

The house felt hollow when you walked in, the walls devoid of life. The echoes of the past lingered in the corners, faint but persistent. Your mom sat at the kitchen table, her hands wrapped tightly around a steaming cup of coffee. The weary look in her eyes was enough to tell you something was wrong.

“Sit down,” she said, her voice a quiet plea. You hesitated, the knot in your stomach tightening as you pulled out a chair. She didn’t meet your gaze. Instead, she stared at the surface of the table, as if the woodgrain patterns held answers.

“We’re leaving,” she finally said, her voice breaking through the silence.

You blinked, unsure if you’d heard her correctly. “Leaving?”

“Yes,” she said, exhaling heavily. “I… I decided it’s best if we move overseas. Start fresh without your dad.” The weight of her words hit you like a tidal wave. “Overseas?” you repeated, your voice sharper now. “You mean I have to leave everything—everything I know—behind?”

Her lips trembled as she nodded. “This is what’s best for us, sweetheart. I also got a job there, it’s been so hard here, and we need to move forward.”

You stared at her, your chest tightening. Moving forward? How could she say that so easily? Your mind immediately went to Jake—the boy who had pulled you back from the edge, the boy who had made you feel like life was worth living again. The idea of leaving him felt unbearable.

“I can’t,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “I can’t leave.”

“I know this is hard,” she said, reaching out as if to comfort you, but you pulled away. “You’ll understand one day.”

You didn’t tell her about Jake. You didn’t tell her about the nights on the beach or the way his quiet persistence had chipped away at your walls. Instead, you stormed up to your room, slamming the door behind you. The weight of it all crashed down on you, and for the first time in months, the tears wouldn’t stop.

And then, just like that, you were gone. You couldn’t even bring yourself to say goodbye.

—------

Jake noticed your absences immediately. At first, he thought it was just one of your off days—you had those sometimes, disappearing for a day or two before returning with your usual cold demeanor. But as the days turned into weeks, the gnawing worry in his chest grew.

By the end of the week, he couldn’t take it anymore. He cornered your homeroom teacher after class. “Hey, uh… the girl who sits in the back. She hasn’t been here for a while. Is she okay?”

The teacher looked at him with surprise, then a flicker of pity. “Oh, she and her mom moved overseas. It was very sudden.”

The words hit him like a punch to the gut. “Overseas?” he repeated, the word foreign and sharp in his mouth.

“Yes Mr. Sim, overseas.”

Jake walked out of the classroom in a daze, the world around him blurring. You were gone. Just like that. No goodbye, no explanation. The thought of it left a hollow ache in his chest.

That night, he sat at his desk, staring at a blank piece of paper. The silence of his room felt oppressive, and the weight of everything he hadn’t said to you pressed down on him. Without thinking, he picked up a pen and began to write.

From that night on, Jake wrote to you. Each letter was a reflection of the longing that grew with every passing day, a way to keep you close even though you were gone.

Jake kept writing, even as life moved on around him. Heeseung and Sunghoon would tease him about how distracted he seemed, but they didn’t press too hard—they knew he was holding onto something he couldn’t let go of.

—------

Year ‘25— Brisbane, Australia

The streets of your old neighborhood were both familiar and foreign as you walked through them. The years had changed you, healed parts of you that had once felt irreparably broken. But as you approached the park where you used to spend your afternoons, the ache of the past resurfaced.

You saw him then—Heeseung. He was standing by the swings, holding the hand of a little girl while another child played nearby. His laughter carried through the air, warm and joyful.

Your steps faltered, but you found your voice. “Heeseung?”

He turned, his eyes widening in recognition. “You’re back,” he said, a bittersweet smile spreading across his face. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

“Where’s Jake?” you asked, your heart pounding in your chest.

His smile faded, replaced by a sorrowful look that made your stomach drop.

—------

Year ‘23— Brisbane, Australia

One rainy evening, Jake was driving home from work, his hands gripping the steering wheel loosely as the rhythm of the rain on the windshield filled the silence of the car. The world outside was a blur of gray and water, the headlights of passing cars distorted like smudges on a wet canvas. The weather had been relentless all day, the kind of storm that soaked through your clothes in seconds and turned streets into glistening hazards.

He had been thinking about you again. Not that he ever truly stopped. You were always there, in the back of his mind, a quiet ache that he had learned to live with. Jake often wondered where you were now, what kind of life you were building in a place he couldn’t reach. Sometimes, he imagined you smiling, truly smiling—something he hadn’t seen often when you were here. The thought brought him comfort, even as it twisted his heart.

His phone buzzed on the passenger seat, but he didn’t reach for it. He knew better than to let his attention waver in this weather. The rain had turned the roads into slick ribbons of danger, and visibility was poor, the windshield wipers struggling to keep up with the downpour. Still, a faint smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he thought about what he might say to you if you were here now.

Maybe something stupid, he mused. Something to make you roll your eyes the way you always did, though he’d catch the ghost of a smile on your lips if he looked close enough. He could almost hear your voice, the sharp edges of your words softened by the warmth you tried so hard to hide.

As he approached the intersection, the light turned yellow. Jake slowed, his foot easing off the gas pedal. The rain made the world feel heavier, the weight of the water pressing down on everything, muting the usual chaos of the city.

And then it happened.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw it—a set of headlights barreling toward him, far too fast, far too close. There was no time to react, no time to process. The car tore through the red light, and in an instant, the world exploded into chaos.

The sound was deafening: metal crunching against metal, glass shattering into a thousand jagged pieces, tires screeching against the wet pavement. The force of the impact sent Jake’s car spinning, the world outside becoming a disorienting blur of rain and darkness.

When the car finally came to a halt, Jake was slumped against the seat, his chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath. The airbag had deployed, the acrid smell of burnt chemicals filling the small space. Pain radiated through his body, sharp and unrelenting, but it wasn’t the physical agony that consumed him.

It was the thought of you.

His vision blurred, whether from the rain streaking down the cracked windshield or the tears pooling in his eyes, he couldn’t tell. His mind was racing, desperate and frantic. He had always imagined that, someday, he’d see you again. That he’d get the chance to tell you everything he’d never said. How you had changed his life, how you had become the one thing he clung to when the world felt like it was falling apart.

The rain pounded against the car, drowning out the distant wail of sirens. Jake’s breaths came in short, shallow gasps, each one more labored than the last. He could feel his body growing heavier, the edges of his consciousness fraying like an old threadbare cloth.

But even as the pain surged through him, his thoughts remained anchored to you. He pictured your face, the way your eyes would narrow when you were annoyed, the rare but breathtaking smile that would light up your features when you thought no one was looking. He wondered if you’d ever think of him, if you’d remember the boy who had once pulled you back from the edge.

“I hope… you’re happy,” he whispered, his voice barely audible over the storm. His fingers twitched, reaching for something unseen. “I hope… you’re okay.”

The sirens grew louder, closer, but Jake’s focus was elsewhere. In his mind, he was back on the beach with you, the two of you sitting under the dying light of the sun, your laughter mingling with the sound of the waves. It was a memory he clung to, a moment of pure, unfiltered joy that had become his sanctuary.

As the darkness closed in, Jake allowed himself one final thought, one final hope. Maybe, somehow, you’d feel it—the depth of what he had never been able to say. Maybe you’d know.

And then, with the rain still falling and the world slipping further and further away, Jake’s hand fell limp against the seat. The sirens arrived too late, the light in his eyes fading as his final breath escaped into the storm.

Even in the end, his heart had been yours.

—------

The world tilted, and you felt your knees threaten to give out. “No,” you whispered, shaking your head.

Heeseung’s voice wavered as he continued, “He never stopped thinking about you. Even after all those years… he kept writing.”

He gave out the stack of letters. They were worn and faded, but the sight of Jake’s familiar handwriting made your chest ache.

You sat on the park bench, the letters trembling in your hands. Opening the first one, tears blurred your vision as Jake’s words came alive once more.

Heeseung sat beside you, his presence quiet and comforting. “He loved you,” he said. “Even when you weren’t here, he loved you.”

Jake's Unsent Letters

August 10, 2017

Hey,

I don’t know where you are or if you’ll ever read this, but I wanted to tell you—I miss you. School isn’t the same without you. No one rolls their eyes at my jokes anymore.

Jake.

September 5, 2017

Today, I went to the beach. It felt empty without you there. I kept looking at the waves, hoping you’d show up out of nowhere and tell me I’m an idiot.

I’m sorry.

December 24, 2017

Merry Christmas. I wish you were here.

I wish you were here with me too.

March 13, 2018

I saw someone today who looked like you. My heart jumped, and I felt stupid when I realized it wasn’t. I hope you’re okay.

“Dumbass.” you muttered under your breath, tears flowing on your face.

May 21, 2019

It’s been almost two years. I still think about you. A lot. Do you even remember me?

How will I even forget you?

June 10, 2020

I told Heeseung and Sunghoon about the letters. They said I should send them, but I don’t even know where to send them.

I’m sorry, Jake.

November 2, 2022

I’m starting to feel like you were a dream, like I made you up. But then I remember your laugh, and it feels real again.

Jake..

March 12, 2023

I’ll never stop missing you, everything about you is good, what we had felt good.

God, please take me back to Brisbane ‘17.

[illmoraineakoi]

Timeline Implications

I'm a timeline nerd, so one of the first things I tend to become intrigued by is when hard dates are introduced into a series.

In AvA11, we get a ton of new ones (for Victim), but there's one that stuck out to me as...confusing.

2011?

2007 to 20...11?

Now, this might not seem so strange at first glance, if it wasn't for the event that is about to happen:

Dark and Chosen's attack on Newgrounds.

Why is this weird?

Because Dark and Chosen only escape Alan's pc on October 2, 2011.

And the Flashback shows them attacking three other things before they attack Newgrounds.

It's always been the assumption of the fandom that these attacks happened over the ~7 year interim between AvA3 and AvA Season 2 (which all happens on August 18, 2018.) IE: these four attacks were spread out over years.

But this isn't what AvA11 is saying.

It is saying that the Newgrounds attack (and probably all of them if they were in chronological order, but specifically Newgrounds) happened somewhere between October 2 and December 31st 2011.

A timespan of 2 months and 29 days, MAX.

It's strange, isn't it?

The Flashback had been the setup for why Chosen had a change of heart, as well as showing Dark just going off the fucking rails into becoming a murderous psychopath. It's weird that those two things would happen so quickly.

And leave literally YEARS worth of time they spent together a complete mystery. What in the hell were they doing, between 2012 and 2018, if they've already had their Establishing Character Events???

They were together that entire time. They're living together. Are there more attacks The Flashback just didn't show?

Or was the Flashback not entirely what we thought it was...?

There is a clear disconnect, between the Newgrounds scene in the Flashback, and the Newgrounds scene in AvA11:

[gif from @octdl-lee]

Not once is Chosen shown doing what he, supposedly, did in the Flashback. Meaning the events of the Flashback might not be entirely accurate to what actually happened, but more like Chosen's FEELINGS towards them. Or perhaps what HE interprets his own actions to have been like, a perspective that isn't accurate to how things looked from the outside.

The Flashback is, ultimately, showing Chosen's own recollected memories, memories that could be tainted and flawed by his own emotions and regrets at the time we're seeing them.

Chosen could be an unreliable narrator, of sorts.

Could this imply that the Newgrounds attack isn't actually the final straw for Chosen's own character change that we thought it was? Was it just a large enough event that affected him, opened his eyes to Dark's nature, that it was one of the ones he was remembering on the way back to the Outernet?

None of this really helps to explain anything about the timeline.

It doesn't make sense, for the Newgrounds attack to happen at the end of 2011, with Dark doing virtually NOTHING until 2018. Not for his character, which is shown reveling in destruction, who enjoyed attacking websites. He likes to destroy shit and cause chaos for the hell of it. He's an evil little bastard. He wouldn't just sit around twiddling his thumbs for 6 and a half years, no matter how nicely Chosen asked him to, and it did NOT take him that long to make the Virabots either.

[And that's something that's grinded my gears for years, why did Dark target Alan again after so many years??? Him sending the virabot to his PC just seems so out of the blue.]

There has to be more we haven't seen. There are far too many unanswered questions, about BOTH OF THEM, between the Newgrounds attack and the creation of the Virabot.

Was the Newgrounds attack instead the BEGINNING of Chosen's change of heart, not the end of it?

Or...

Was there more than one Newgrounds attack?

Did Chosen and Dark target certain popular websites, repeatedly?

That absolutely sounds like something Dark would do. It sounds like something Dark would ENJOY doing.

I don't know. There's so many unanswered questions with Dark and Chosen, it's hard to put the peices together. Especially now, when so many things keep tying back to Chosen and Dark's past. Mostly Dark. Because he's the bastard who keeps starting shit that somehow ends up getting Chosen into trouble.

Did they even go to the Outernet after they escaped? Or did they just jump right into destroying stuff?

They were clearly very satisfied with themselves after destroying Alan's PC, so why would they stop there?

Why wouldn't they ride the internet webstrings to Yahoo and blow it to smithereens? (Also Alan are you okay, you've targeted Yahoo like three times now, what did it do to hurt you?) Why not go destroy Angry Birds? Why not attack StickPage?

Why not Newgrounds, a website that Chosen must have known was a favorite of Alan's, considering he was used as a popup blocker for Alan's INTERNET BROWSER.

They could have absolutely just went on a rampage immediately after escaping. Four massive things attacked and nearly completely destroyed, in a single afternoon. Not even a single day, it was already 3:39 pm when they destroyed Alan's PC.

That's why I think 2011 was chosen in the episode, and not a much more reasonable 2012 or beyond. No significant event happened in 2012, and the date was clearly meant to induce a foreboding feeling into the viewers who KNOW the timeline. 2011 is significant to Dark and Chosen's part of the timeline. There was no other date they could have used, not until the entirety of Season 2 itself.

AvA11 has filled a TON of holes in Victim's story and in the lore as a whole, but it's also left us with a TON more questions about Chosen and Dark's histories, and their place in the overarching narrative.

Hopefully, one day we'll get some answers to these questions just like we did for Victim.

And maybe Chosen can get some fucking character development, like holy shit, literally every other hollow head's got hobbies and interests but my boi doesn't. Get him some personality, please.

[firenati0n]

2024 writing round up!

thank you for the tags @kiwiana-writes @cha-melodius @alasse9 :) <3

i posted 19 fics this year (whoa) ranging from 932 words to 54,284 words. wild! all were for RWRB! yay firstprince! :)

JANUARY

too scared to post shit after writing worm fic in december

FEBRUARY

An Amateur's Guide to Piping That Cream and Beating That Meat (T, 5k) henry needs to make something for alex's friendsgiving and comes across a thirst trapping headless food tiktoker. i wonder who it could be. deranged tiktok comments, friends to lovers

people ruin people, i don't wanna ruin you (M, WIP, 6.8k, 4/9 chapters) - this was posted anonymously until august) alex is a washed up singer, henry is his new pet project. and maybe something more. musician firstprince, v loose a star is born x greek mythology au, icarus!alex, collaborators to lovers

MARCH

each time we touch / i wanna take too much (M, 1.3k) alex puts his fingers in henry's mouth. mhm yep that's it.

keep me up all night / i wanna scratch your surface  (M, 1.4k) alex is so in love he could die. puts his mouth on other places. prose-y loverboy alex.

cause you're classic, and i'm reckless (T, 5.4k) alex and henry are costars, henry offers to help alex with intimacy research. actor au, kissing for practice leads to kissing for real, inspired by ryan gosling and rachel mcadams at the 2005 mtv movie awards, costars to lovers

who truly stuck the knife in first (M, 3.7k) alex and henry are spy partners. a mission goes sideways and they fight and fuck about it. sexually charged wrestling, partners to lovers

APRIL

and all i can taste is this moment, and all i can breathe is your life (T, 9999 words) angel!henry watches over lawyer!alex invisibly until one day alex sees him. now what? loose city of angels au, pining yearning longing galore, wee bit of angst with a happy ending, introspection

MAY

who would've thought that a guy like henry would double as a superstar?  (T, 6.4k) hannah montana au, crack treated seriously, henry is hannah montana and alex works at a ranch. a hot damn mess.

JUNE

busy writing and posting proposal au! :)

JULY

the full spectrum of human emotion (M, 54k) editor!henry gets assistant!alex to marry him to avoid deportation. but wait! alex hates henry! oops. the proposal (2009) au, marriage of convenience, fake dating, romantic comedy, banter and big feelings

AUGUST

you're the closest to heaven that i'll ever be (T, 7.7k) angel!henry sequel, henry learning what it means to be human, very tender and full of musings on humanity and love and the little things in life

the leaves of a silver maple (assorted, 13k) collection of short standalone prompt fics for my fic fest (some of my favorite fics ever exist in this collection and they're so buried jfalksjlf)

prompt one - wicked E | 2.6k | au, sims family, fluff laced with a little crack. as a treat. henry finds something rather...wicked on alex's laptop. prompt two - sweaters T | 1k | canon-verse, fluffy, sweet, sharing clothes alex steals henry's sweater, and henry gets back at him. prompt three -  magic T | 5.2k | kiki's delivery service (studio ghibli, 1989) au, magic au, high school au, warlock!henry, baker!alex, sweet, tender, emotional, found family a tender little exploration of love, purpose, healing, and a warlock!henry finding baker!alex.  prompt four -  comfort T | 2.6k | roommate au, sickfic, hurt/comfort, taking care of each other, mutual pining, fluff, domesticity, pride & prejudice (2005) refs, first kiss, getting together three times henry took care of alex and one time alex took care of henry. prompt five - wicked once more M | 500 words | au, sims family, cracky fluff, accidental sims mpreg alex is being a menace once again in The Sims. prompt six - apron M | 200 words | au, silly, apron shenanigans henry is wearing an apron. and nothing else.  prompt seven - goodbye T | 200 words | the good place au, bittersweet alex and henry say goodbye. prompt eight - father T | 300 words | post-canon, a tinge of grief, hope henry reflects on grief.

SEPTEMBER

i like the way you blush / i like the way you bite (M, 932) henry puts his fingers in alex's mouth

OCTOBER

flip the switch and let the cauldron bubble (T, 2.7k) kiki's delivery service au sequel, warlock!henry and baker!alex and the many potions that heal them

about to bust-elo (M, 2k) alex tries Café Bustelo Instant Espresso and has a hell of a day. inspired by my fuckass coffee habits.

feeling your heart beating, wondering what you're dreaming (M, 5.7k) five times childhood best friends alex and henry share a bed platonically, and the one time (of many) they do as something more, childhood friends to lovers, one bed, pining, fluffy and tender

from all the pain our brain has made, the game is not played alone (G, 1.4k) alex has a long day and a terrible headache, and henry comforts him

NOVEMBER

brain break

DECEMBER

london's so nice, back in your seamless rhymes (T, 7.4k) alex and henry fall in love—five days a week, four bus routes, three pseudo-dates, two holiday markets, and one red scarf of fate later. strangers to friends to lovers, meet-cute, london buses, fluffy and fun

if the city never sleeps, then that makes three (T, 1.4k) london bus meet-cute universe part 2. alex and henry have a movie night and learn some things about each other and the people they thirst over

i looked into your eyes, got such a great surprise (M, 1.6k) london bus meet-cute universe part 3. alex and henry go on a walk and do some reflecting on love and happiness. fluffy and funny and sweet.

-

and that's a wrap! what a year! so grateful for everyone who read and commented and subscribed and engaged...it means so much to me. i have really leaned on this community while navigating rough waters, and deeply love all the friends and connections i have made. sending everyone a lot of love!

xoxo roop

open tag and a few under the cut :)

@ninzied @myheartalivewrites @rmd-writes @tintagel-or-cockleshells @clottedcreamfudge

@anchoredarchangel @dumbpeachjuice @smc-27 @cricketnationrise @everwitch-magiks

@orchidscript @cheesecurdsgravyandfries @run-for-chamo-miles @onward--upward @eusuntgratie

@bigassbowlingballhead @leaves-of-laurelin @porcelainmortal @getmehighonmagic @blueeyedgrlwrites

@suseagull5914 @judasofsuburbia @seths-rogens @caterpills @violetbaudelaire-quagmire

@onthewaytosomewhere @indestructibleheart @sophie1973 @fairflowered @incalamity

@smugvillanelle @anincompletelist @wordsofhoneydew @itsmaybitheway @whimsymanaged

@miss-minnelli @zwiazdziarka @sherryvalli @msmarvelouswinchester @thesleepyskipper

@thedramasummer @priincebutt @14carrotghoul @kj-bee @welcometololaland

@miharaikko @hgejfmw-hgejhsf

[theenchantedforestsystem]

HELP PARTNER ESCAPE CALI

So our partner @glitchyartist is in a really dire circumstance right now. Her parents are conservative christans, her father being a preacher at their church. And her father is rapidly getting worse and we are extremely concerned that he will hurt her if he finds out that not only is she bi but has had a secret girlfriend for almost two years now.

She needs funds for a small moving truck or van which minimum is $965 dollars as well as the gas needed to get up here and the boxes. Care for her two cats, who need to be spayed and neutered but sadly one of them is pregnant so that one needs to wait.

And ontop of everything she needs to get her transmitter fixed, which is, around $3,500-$4,000 and since her parents, if they pay for it themselves, won't let her leave until she pays them back $3,000 of it she's stuck.

Overall she needs around $5,500 to get out and up here and she is taking commissions from people who donate to her fund and for us if you commission from us, it will also go to her fund.

Crocheted Giant Heart Pillows - $200

Crocheted Medium Heart Pillows - $80

Crocheted Regular Heart Pillows - $60

Crocheted Roses - $15 dollars a piece or a bouquet of 12 for $140

Crocheted Heart Coasters - $5 for 1 or $15 for four

Please. Every bit helps and you are not required to commission either of us nor donate but at least share so those who can and/or might want to. More links will be added with stuff to access.

And since fundly is being a jerk and wont let people donate regularly here is her

paypal

And her gofundme

[mediumgayitalian]

Can you recommend long fics preferably over 200k words pls (all solangelo centered) 😞

okay so i searched through all my bookmarks and, unfortunately, ive only got 3 fics over 200K, two of which i'm certain i've already recced, and one i'm not quite done myself (but that i am enjoying a lot):

august by @cordelia---rose

Somehow, Nico's life only gets more confusing after he defeats a primordial Goddess. Will Solace accounts for about 90% of that confusion. (A journey through August, and all its ups and downs.)

i have recced this series once i have recced it a thousand times. it is my own personal canon. as long as my fics do an okay job reflecting the will and nico here, i'm happy. august (will's version) has to be one of my favorite fics ive ever read and the updates keep me sane. i LOVE this fic. there is such care in it. it is done so amazingly well and cordelia, in general, is an EXCEPTIONAL author with an unbelievably good handle on characterization and humor.

2. PJO Arranged Marriage/Royalty AU by @gatesofember

In a fictional world inspired by 18th century Europe, Artemis arranges the marriage of Will, the illegitimate son of Duke Apollo, and Nico, the Prince of Pluto. Percy, Prince of Neptune, marries his lover and childhood friend, Annabeth, a foreign heretic native to the islands in the north. After his older sisters pull out of the succession and his fiancee leaves him, Jason, Crown Prince of the Juvian Empire, faces the manipulative power of his stepmother alone...until he finds a new woman to marry.

i love this fic. it is unfinished however and will remain so. ember has an ending outlined on their blog, and who knows, anything can happen. lol. HOWEVER this is definitely worth the read. if anything it will inspire a royal au that lives in your head, like it lives in mine. plot was so so so so catching.

3. Will Solace and the Socialites of Olympus University by @sarcasmandships

Will Solace has enough problems. Between juggling two jobs, surviving pre-med classes, and making sure his roommates don’t burn down their Harlem apartment, the last thing he needs is a hopeless crush on campus legend Nico di Angelo. But try telling that to his heart. Nico and his rich, mysterious, ridiculously good-looking best friends (affectionately dubbed “Nico and the Seven” by students who can only dream of being that cryptic) are the stuff of gossip and wild rumours. Mafia ties? Maybe. Vampire coven? Sure. Time travelers from an alternate dimension? Definitely plausible. Will’s sure he’s never stood a chance… until a spilled drink, a cigarette on a balcony, and one very unexpected dinner invitation send him spiralling into Nico’s orbit. Now he’s stuck somewhere between flirting and a full-blown existential crisis. Because falling for Nico di Angelo was not part of Will’s academic plan; and he’s about to learn that extra credit doesn’t cover emotional disasters.

ongoing, but excellent. i am on....chapter 11?? i think?? so a quarter through. i broke and read ahead to some of the smut lol. and some of the prequel also bc it is excellent. but i am back on the straight and narrow and reading this painful slowburn persist. i am very excited to see where this goes bc anything stella writes is a BANGER and im not just saying that bc we're moots. she genuinely has a very good idea on how to write the push and pull and flow of a relationship, from romantic to platonic to in between and outside.

okay that's it that i have for 200k+. however. i have SEVERAL 20k+ fics?? if you would like?? shoot me an ask and ill do a list of those