#who have no prior experience at writing a plot

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #70 – Absolution by Jeff Vandermeer

New additions to a series a decade after it concluded don’t have a particularly good track record at living up to the quality of the originals – far too often they just read as commentaries on the series’ fanbase or pop culture reception, and that’s if they escape being a transparent case of giving the fans slop for a quick paycheck. This is even more the case when the originals are a tightly interconnected trilogy with an extremely definitive conclusion.

All to say, I received the news that Jeff Vandermeer was writing a new Southern Reach book with a mixture of excitement and trepidation. Excitement, because Annihilation might actually be one of my favorite works of the 21st century and the whole trilogy holds a deeply and irrationally precious space in my heart. Trepidation because – well everything I just said. Thankfully, this was far more good than bad – not Annihilation, and it didn’t need to be basically as long as the entire original trilogy combined, but absolutely met my expectations of beautifully described cosmic and psychological horror and indecipherable mindfucks in gorgeously uncanny locales.

The book’s a hard one to describe – the plot is twisting and opaque, the narrators thoroughly unreliable – but it’s (not exactly but nearly) a prequel to the original Southern Reach Trilogy, following first events in the Forgotten Coast in the lead-up to the Border falling, and then the very first expedition sent across it into the newly-named Area X in the months after. Though it’s really divided into three-ish parts rather than two – first we get a vivid picture of Old Jim (our first POV) recovering from his life collapsing into a gutter and researching the confused and redacted records of a very Cold War CIA science experiment on the Coast years prior and how it all went horribly wrong, before journeying to the Coast himself in the weeks and days before it becomes Area X to try and discover what happened. Exactly one character from this section also shows up on page in part 3, though the neither the reader nor the new POV is aware of her continuity until quite late in the game. Which is funny, given that despite neither protagonist ever really understanding her, Cass has the most complete character arc of anyone in the whole book.

This is a book very concerned with language and perception – how you can’t trust them, how they can control you, how the right words whispered in your ear can shatter everything you ever were. Language is a parasite that needs a host; the song stuck in your head reinforces the compulsions you don’t even realize you’re obeying. The theme runs thick through the entire book, and shows up more ways than I can count. I did particularly like how it’s specifically the beautiful things – the poetry, music and cryptic little koans, the fields of wildflowers and the awe-inspiring autumn storm – that are the dangers, that might entrap and break you. Even the protagonists’ internal monologues shift as their minds become more and more captured by whatever motive force drives Area X, their descriptions and use of imagery more elevated and poetic as they get further from whatever humanity is.

Not that Area X is the sole source of identity-rupturing and mind-stealing horror, here. Old Jim and Lowry are both agents of Central, the opaque intelligence agency that control the Southern Reach in the original trilogy. Both have been broken and remade by it, their minds stuffed to bursting with hypnotic conditioning and trigger words in case they ever get distracted or prove to be unreliable. Not that anyone seems clear on who they would even be reliable to – the whole agency is addicted to secrecy, its internal factions feuding and sabotaging each other in the shadows, the chain of command a complete mystery to anyone not sitting at the top of it. Just like Area X, it’s never even close to clear whether the things encountered are the outwards signs of some grand and intricate conspiracy, or just the random flailing of a blind idiot god.

Vandermeer has at this point made a very specific aesthetic of horror almost his brand, and it shows up here in spades – the uncanny intersection and overlap of nature and civilization, overgrown ruins and artificial facsimiles or animals, the overwhelming of ordered systems and bureaucratic rationality with the bizarre and inexplicable, the usurpation of body, mind and world by something foreign to it. This is a book whose acknowledgements section is at least half different specific sorts of ecologist or similar experts being thanks for things like ‘detailed information on how a gar would feel in the hands like a rifle,’ and ‘how it would feel to have an alligator gush through the mud around you if you were lying mud-bound in a blackened meadow.’ Which I always find just incredibly endearing (along with the acknowledgement for an idea as being from a literary critique essay of the themes in the original trilogy – which is getting a bit incestuous, but it was a good bit of imagery.)

As always, some parts of this is going to work much better than others – the rabbits with the odd cameras around their necks, placidly digging for and eating crab meat while a flamethrower is unloading on them particularly stuck with me, whereas given the sheer wordcount spent on it I don’t think the Tyrant (or any of the alligators tbh) had nearly the effect on me the book hoped they would.

Overall though, it worked. Vandermeer’s prose is laid on more than a little thick at points, but there are several different bits of imagery or turns of phrase that have stuck with me – that feel downright inspirational to try and make something that can achieve the same effect, even. I do feel like the impact of Area X is weakened by the fact the total absence of really normal seeming people – even before the border falls, we only barely meet a single person not already captured in the whole labyrinth of conspiracies, hypnotism and psychosis – but that is in fact kind of a plot point here, so.

As far as recommendations go – this book is totally incomprehensible if you haven’t read the original trilogy. Also not as good as Annihilation. Go read that and then decide if you want to continue – but the series remains one of the leading examples of 21st century cosmic horror that’s trying to be something besides a riff on Lovecraft.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

its so painfully obvious that a lot of these people have genuinely never experienced a better piece of media. it makes me sad fr. like. guy who has only ever seen the dream smp "getting a lot of dream smp vibes from this" im begging you to please go watch a horror movie from the 80s. go read a goosebumps book or a creepypasta for gods sake .

[xxsabitoxx]

Pale Blue [Part One]

Geto Suguru x AFAB Pregnant Reader

READ PART TWO HERE

Warnings: THIS FIC IS CANON COMPLIANT, if you are not caught up on Jujutsu Kaisen's manga, or at the very least if you have not seen "gojo's past" you WILL be spoiled. This story contains darker themes, heavier topics, pregnancy and all the lovely details of it, and lastly explicit sexual content. Read at your own risk!

A/N: Here it is!! Part One!! This fic is super self indulgent for me and I'm very excited for y'all to read it. The idea literally came to me in a dream like a month ago and I woke up and immediately started writing. It's been a long ass time since I've written a plot heavy fic, and it's been well over a year since I've actively planned a multiple part story and gone through with it. So, this fic is kinda like... my baby lol.

Word Count: 19k | Playlist

September 2007

Your mouth felt like chalk, hands trembling ever so slightly as you set the small wand on the countertop in your bathroom. You couldn't think straight, but that unfortunately wasn’t anything new, it had been that way for the last three weeks. Ever since he left, you had felt like your head was stuck in a fishbowl. People eyeing you with pity at the world you had been dropped into, their whispers muffled into incoherent nonsense as you walked by. Satoru was no better off, but he could at least tug his emotions off of his sleeves and place them in his heart where nobody could see them, except for you. At least you would be able to see them if he didn’t shut you out. 

Not that you had been any kinder, you had withdrawn too. 

The only one who seemed alright was Shoko, her reaction to Suguru’s deflection was nothing out of character. Not many things could shock her to her core, even something as absurd as what Suguru had done couldn’t wipe the gentle smile from her face when she saw him again. You envied her for that level of composure. You envied her for getting to see him again, just as you envied Satoru. For some reason, the man evaded you as if you were the plague. Or perhaps it looked like you were merely chasing after a ghost, a figment of your imagination. You kind of wished that it was true, that Geto Suguru had been someone you conjured up in your mind. 

But he wasn’t, he was a real, breathing human who had taken over one hundred lives…. Including his parents. The thought made your mouth taste like metal, everytime you zoned out too long and thought too hard, you’d bite your inner cheek until it bled. Three weeks later you still felt like you were moving on autopilot, the only thing that could pull you out of it would be his gentle embrace. You blinked a bit, the metallic taste coating your tongue as you unclench your jaw and look in the mirror. You hardly recognize yourself, for a moment  you think you look just like him, and it's enough to steal the little air you had in your lungs. 

You had never thought you'd experience a heartbreak as severe as this one, and you especially didn’t think it would be dealt to you by Suguru. Though you saw all of the signs, the hundreds if not thousands he put out and never let you touch. No, his cries for help were always directed at Satoru. The white haired man never seemed to catch them, and if he did, he never said a thing. Suguru had refused to acknowledge his issues when he was with you, no matter how many times you tried to sit him down and get it out. He’d change the subject and move on. 

He’d sweet-talk you, making you forget why you had been so concerned in the first place because there, for a fleeting moment, was the boy you had fallen in love with two years prior. He’d fill your mind with nothing but good things, pretty noises, good feelings. Not stopping until his name was all you could utter, not stopping until you fell asleep in his arms, content and sedated. He was a master at avoidance, trying so hard to keep things perfect just for you. You were beginning to hate him for it, but even the idea of hating him made bile burn your throat. 

You were left in emotional turmoil, love mixing with hate mixing with rage and depression. No matter how many times the word hate flashed through your mind, it was never truly directed at Suguru. Rather the jujutsu world, the things they had forced upon him, the pressure he had been made to feel. You especially felt that bubbling hate for a certain man by the name of Fushiguro Toji, who caused this whole spiral. He was long gone now, Satoru had effectively put the man down and he would not be getting back up. Though it killed you to no end that he got the easy way out. You almost wished that Satoru had kept the man alive. 

You couldn’t stomach it as your back pressed into the cold wall of your bathroom, arms folded over your chest as you stared at nothing in particular. Eyes refusing to focus on anything of importance but making a point to avoid the developing test on the counter. 

Suguru had left you a note, shortly after his final conversation with Satoru. You had returned to your dorm to see it on your bed and you recognized his handwriting before you even read your name on the envelope. You could still feel your hands trembling as you ripped the paper, flinching as it cut your skin, crumbling as tears dripped down your cheeks. You read it three times before finally comprehending the words, the paper littered with tear drops and your blood. Every word was written with care, you could hear his voice as your eyes passed over each sentence, see his face before you as if he was speaking. 

It was an apology, his resolve and a goodbye all in one. Leaving you more empty than you had felt before. Still, it sat on your nightstand, you couldn’t throw it away. As if his sweaters weren’t still hanging in your closet, like the blanket he got you wasn’t still sitting on your bed. You held onto that letter like it was the last thing you had of him. Mourning him as if he had died, like he wasn’t still alive and breathing and walking around within the very city you were in now. You almost thought it would be easier if he had died. At least you’d feel some sort of closure, knowing he’s not coming back. But this, this was a form of torture for you. 

To know that you could bump into him at a restaurant, or even pass him on a busy street. He wasn’t gone, if anything he was doing better than he ever was. Leaving you, Satoru, Shoko, and everyone else behind to pick up the shattered pieces. Still, you couldn’t hate him for that. No amount of anger would mend the torn pieces of your broken heart. You were fairly certain nothing would, the only cure was the one man you could no longer call your own. You’d spend the rest of your life with your heart ripped wide, an empty void filling the space. 

You inhaled deeply, pushing off the bathroom wall and taking a hesitant step towards the counter. The test was upside down, you couldn’t see the small little window that would show you the results, for a moment you wanted to pick it up and throw it in the trash without even looking. There was nothing stopping you from doing so either, but you held back anyways. The only reason you were taking a pregnancy test in the first place was because your period was two weeks late. You could easily chalk it up to stress, but at the same time you knew all too well that you and Suguru often went without protection. Idiot. 

Somehow, despite his inner battles, Suguru’s sex drive never slowed down. Maybe it was the craving for physical touch or maybe sex was a great way for him to forget about his issues for a while. Regardless, you had always been eager to oblige, even if it meant falling into his traps and luring your attention away from the real issue at hand. You had no idea how long it had been and if the damn thing was positive you were sure it would show up by now. So you picked it up and flipped it over in your hand, tired eyes scanning it. Your forehead creased for a moment, eyes squinting in frustration because you couldn’t tell if there was a second line or not. 

If it’s positive, it's too early to tell. Your grip tightens around the small plastic test, anger flooding your heart as you chuck it in the trash can with such force it rattles as it hits the wall. Once again you are left with uncertainty. It seemed nobody could give you a straight answer anymore. Truth be told, you weren’t sure what you wanted that test to say. The thought of being pregnant with his child would have elated you two months ago. Now the thought made your insides twist and turn, for a moment you thought you were going to puke again. At the very same time, the idea of the test being negative felt like a rug being pulled out from under you. 

As if you didn’t know that feeling well enough. 

In a twisted way, you thought that being pregnant would bring him back to you. As if it would erase every heinous crime he had committed and bring the man you loved back into your arms. You were foolish, but not foolish enough to really believe in those daydreams. You hauled yourself out of your bathroom and back into your dorm room, falling into your disheveled bed with a soft thump. His t-shirt was hanging loosely on your body, it still smells faintly of him. It’s the only shirt of his that you’d been wearing, too afraid to lose his scent on the others. 

It was still early enough for you to sleep for a few more hours before Shoko was knocking on your door and hauling you into the world. You hated it, but she assured you that you’d thank her for it in a couple months. You doubted it, and for some reason you felt like she did too. 

Your sleep was dreamless, it had been since Suguru left you. You weren’t quite sure if you were thankful for that or not. Suguru was still the last thing you thought about before falling asleep and the first thing you thought of when you woke up. His absence consumed your every thought, impossible to ignore, unable to forget. There had been a few tough nights where you dragged yourself down the hall towards Satoru’s room. The man was usually still up, sitting on his bed with a book in hand that you could tell he wasn’t reading. Just an attempt at distraction. 

He welcomes you without a word, scooting over a bit so you could sit beside him, head on his shoulder as he tosses the book to the floor. You remain like that until you fall asleep, no words spoken but nothing needed to be verbalized to understand you were both mourning the loss of a man who wasn’t even dead. In an odd way, you felt as if you were mourning Satoru as well. His smile, his jokes, the way his eyes seemed to sparkle, all of those things had dwindled. To his credit, he was managing to pull himself back together, at least better than you had been. 

A harsh knock at your door signaled that Shoko was there. You hadn’t even realized that you fell asleep, but you felt even more groggy than you had a couple hours prior. “I’m up.” It’s hoarse and unconvincing but you hear Shoko utter a small “ok”. You know she’s still there, she always waits for you to get dressed and emerge from your room yourself. If you make her wait any longer than fifteen minutes she's usually barging in herself to pull you from your bed. Your body aches as you sit up, stumbling across the room to the bathroom because you need to pee yet again. 

The air almost feels stale as you get your routine done in the bathroom, the test is still sitting in the small can beside your sink. It’s presence is heavy, to the point you question if you should take it out with you despite only having a couple tissues accompanying it. You decided against it when she knocked again. “Just getting dressed.” You mumbled softly, listening for her small “Hmph.” At least letting you know she heard you. Your uniform still felt foreign on your skin, it had for the last three weeks but you tried to ignore it. “About time.” Shoko smiled as you emerged, Satoru beside her. “Oh? You’re both here?” Your tone was questioning but not mad. 

“Yeah, Yaga said we should take the day to be normal or something like that.” Satoru drawled, circular glasses sliding down his nose as he rolled his eyes. “Us? Normal?” You snorted, pulling your door shut as Shoko began walking down the hallway. “He just doesn’t know what to do with us at the moment.” Satoru offered in a low tone, Shoko would scold him for speaking like that, especially to you. The thing is, he wasn’t saying anything that you hadn’t already thought of yourself. “I don’t know what to do with us either.” You could assume Yaga was being vigilant, the guilt of not seeing what was happening with Suguru was weighing on him too. 

The flick of Shoko’s lighter was heard as you stepped into the morning air, laughter bubbling in your chest as you looked at her. “It was killing you, wasn’t it.” Yaga had been cracking down on her bad habit, trying to limit her by saying no smoking in the dorms. “Just a little.” She teased back, inhaling deeply before blowing the gray smoke past her lips. “Shoko, gimme one.” Your eyebrow cocked as Satoru stuck his hand out. Her eyes met you for a moment before begrudgingly handing the lighter and pack to him. “New habit?” You commented softly, watching as he stuck a cylinder between his lips and held his hand up to block the flame from the wind. 

Satoru shrugged, inhaling a bit before blowing out, moving to hand the pack to you. You hesitated, the test in your dorm trash can still lingering in the back of your mind. “I’m good.” You took them anyway, handing them to Shoko. Neither of them said anything but they shared a knowing glance, they couldn’t be mad at you for trying to quit a bad habit. “So where are we going?” You didn’t like the prolonged silence as the two of them puffed away. “I didn’t think you’d want to go anywhere, but if you want we can go get breakfast.” Shoko’s eyes flickered over both you and Satoru, as if she was looking at two temperamental children. 

“Breakfast sounds good.” Satoru offered, shoving one hand in his pocket while the other plucked the cig from his lips. “It does.” You added softly, stomach turning at the very thought of food but you couldn’t let them know that. You had lost your appetite shortly after he left, but you still forced yourself to eat at least one substantial meal a day. The nausea that had settled in your gut most days usually deterred you from anything else but plain rice and maybe some soup. Still, it was food and the only thing you could keep down at that. “Alright, I’ll call for a driver and we can go get something to eat.” Shoko pulled out her phone, clicking on a number she saved. 

“You’ve been eating, right?” You jumped a little, eyes sliding over to Satoru. His tone was low, just low enough for only you to hear. “Yeah, I’ve been eating… you?” He looked the same, tall and lean with broad shoulders. Satoru nodded, pushing his glasses up to sit on the bridge of his nose. “The car will be at the gates for us in five minutes so let's get going.” Shoko started walking, like always you and Satoru followed behind her like ducklings. Satoru’s question still lingered in your mind, his ability to read your thoughts nearly rivaled Suguru. 

You had to wonder just how much those six eyes of his could see. 

The three of you clamored into the car, Satoru taking the passenger seat while you and Shoko took the back. You had no idea where you were going, not even when Shoko gave an address to the driver. It was somewhere in the city, you knew that much, but you trusted her judgment and prayed they would have something plain for your stomach. None of you spoke as the car barreled forward, your eyes glued to the surroundings zipping past you, as if you’d catch him walking down the street on a busy morning. You knew you’d always be looking for him, everywhere you went, your eyes would search for him. 

You tore your eyes from the window, glancing at Satoru in the passenger seat. You couldn’t see his eyes, but his head was turned towards the window. If you had to guess, he was doing the very same thing. Looking for someone who would never appear. Unless you were Shoko of course, you still felt your throat tighten at the thought. You knew Suguru had chosen to reveal himself to her for a couple reasons. One being that she wasn’t nearly strong enough to take him down single handedly. The other being her easy going nature, he knew there would be little to no conflict or questions to answer with her. If roles were reversed, you’d do the same. 

“Hello?” You blinked, looking at Shoko with parted lips. “You okay?” her head tilted, brown eyes lingering over your features. “I… yeah.” You swallowed, the car was still moving so you didn’t space out for that long. “What are you in the mood to eat?” She repeated the question she had asked seconds prior while you were clearly on another plane of existence. “Something plain.” You offered lamely, hands clasping together in your lap. “Plain?” Satoru questioned, eyes shifting to look at you through the rearview mirror. “My stomach has been sensitive. Plain foods are all I can really get down right now.” You shrunk into the seat. 

Shoko hummed, eyes observing you intently now. You could almost hear her silently listing all of your physical symptoms, noting in her head the various things that could cause them. Most could be answered with heartbreak, but that didn’t typically make you sensitive to certain foods. Shoko and Satoru knew of Suguru's relationship with you. They knew you were serious about each other, that you often slept in the other’s dorm depending on the day. They knew you went on dates and bought each other gifts. They knew you had long since confessed your love to one another and were not strangers to holding hands when you thought nobody was looking. 

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that the two of you slept together as well. 

~

“Quiet.” You sunk your teeth into the side of your cheek, struggling to stifle your noises as Suguru’s fingers curled inside of your tight heat. “You don’t want them to hear us, right?” he cooed again, lips ghosting the shell of your ear as he pressed you harder into the empty desk, nearly pushing it into the wall of the classroom with the ferocity of his hunger. 

You shook your head, not trusting your voice in that moment to make any coherent sounds. Your nails dug into his bicep, legs splayed hazardously over the sides of the desk as you used your free hand to brace yourself. Two fingers continued to plunge in and out of you, curling perfectly and sucking the air from your lungs as he found that one particular spot. 

Suguru watched in fascination, dark eyes glazed over as they flickered between his hand and your face. Each draw back revealed the slick shine of your arousal on his digits, each push forward was accompanied by a squelch. It made his throat tight, arousal making him feel hot all over as he continued to fuck you with his fingers. 

“Sugu…” You choked, face warming considerably as you realized how desperate you sounded. “Hmm?” a gentle hum, his fingers burying deep and massaging your walls until your thighs twitched. “I need you.” Your head fell back, hand leaving his bicep to slap over your mouth in an attempt to silence the cry that left you. “You…need me?” 

Those words were jarring to him, as if a chain of firecrackers had been ignited under his skin. You nodded, helpless and at his mercy as you prayed Satoru and Shoko wouldn’t wander off to figure out where the two of you had gone. You couldn’t quite comprehend what happened next, the sudden retreat of his fingers left you feeling empty, clearing your foggy mind for a second. 

They were quickly replaced with something else, something wet and soft. Your eyes widened considerably when you looked down to see Suguru on his knees, hands gripping the plush of your thighs with his face buried between. He would have given you more if it weren't for his damn pants, he was too impatient to struggle with the high waisted fashion choices he made. 

You couldn’t think again, mind immediately fogging over as you focused solely on Suguru’s head between your legs. The flat of his tongue licking up your folds before delving further, bumping your clit with his nose and earning a strangled noise from you. You bit down on your fist now, not hard enough to draw blood but enough to silence yourself for a bit. 

Suguru didn’t mind, if anything he wanted them to hear you. He wanted to see the shocked look on Satoru’s face when he realized what was happening. He couldn’t lie, this whole rendezvous had started because of an offhand comment Satoru made. One about how he was likely better at pleasing women than Suguru. You knew that's why you were in here too, you felt like you needed to thank Satoru for pushing Suguru to this point, whether that was his intention or not. 

Heat continued to build in your gut, if you could trust yourself to stay balanced you would have let go of the desk and buried your hand in his hair. You wanted to tug the silky black locks from the confines of the bun he always kept them in, watch them cascade around his handsome face and turn messy because of your fingers. Then again, that may make it a little too obvious to your two awaiting friends. “Sugu…” 

You gasped, hand flying from your mouth to grab the desk as you nearly lost your balance. Suguru had started to stand, knocking you back as his arms wrapped around your lower half in a bear hug. Suguru was standing at his full height now, your knees bent over his shoulders while only your mid-back and shoulders pressed into the desk. You could have melted into a puddle the moment his eyes met yours, his mouth still pressed firmly to your cunt. 

“Suguru…” You choked again, hands moving to grip the sides of the desk for some kind of grounding. You could feel him smirk, eyes burning into yours as his tongue lavished you. It was all too much, too lewd, too risky. Your orgasm was building faster than you anticipated, the tingling arousal shooting down your spine and making your legs tense as he teased you. You came with a choked cry of his name, eyes squeezing shut as you rode out your orgasm. 

~

“We’re here.” You blinked, eyes scanning your surroundings as Satoru got out of the car. “Are you sure you’re okay? We can get the food to go and head back to campus.” Shoko’s words were out of concern but her tone was still relaxed. “I’m alright, I could use some time in a busy space.” You lied, the quiet of your dorm room had never sounded so inviting. “Thank you.” You muttered softly to the driver, his small smile told you he was well aware of what was going on. Satoru was already by the front door of the cafe, putting out the butt of his cigarette on a nearby trash can before dropping it in. Shoko did the same, following after you as you entered. 

Satoru’s looks tended to come in handy, his glasses sliding down his nose to show the startling blue of his eyes was all that was needed to get the three of you a seat and bypass the wait. “At least you’re good for something.” You teased him, watching him roll his eyes before smiling. “It’s my duty to get the two of you quick service and good food, even if I have to whore myself out.” For some reason, that had laughter bubbling in your chest, the genuine kind. “Such a noble sacrifice.” You laughed, the menu in your hand shaking as your shoulders bounced. You were too distracted to see the way Satoru’s shoulders seemed to sag in relief as he watched you, for a moment it was like nothing had changed.

If it weren't for the gaping, empty space in the booth beside him, he would have been convinced. 

“What are you going to get, Shoko?” She was the only one actively looking over the menu. “I’m not sure yet, but they do have some options that would be easy on your stomach.” You weren’t sure why but it made your heart ache just a bit, she had been more concerned over your meal than her own. At the very same time, it made you feel small, like you were a bit of a nuisance for having stomach issues… or whatever they were… in the first place. “Oh, alright.” You focused on the menu, aware of their eyes on you as you tried to find something small but appealing. You settled on tamagoyaki and asked for it to be made on the salty side rather than sweet. 

Shoko went for a traditional meal as well while Satoru ventured into their “western” cuisine. His choice sounded so sweet that the thought of it made your teeth hurt. “I don’t know how you do it, Satoru.” you sipped your tea slowly, letting the hot liquid slide down your throat and settle in your stomach. He only shrugged, smiling softly “I’ve yet to find something too sweet for me to handle.” Normally he would have added something flirty but he decided against it. Despite knowing you and Suguru were a couple, it never stopped Satoru’s flirtatious comments. It only bothered Suguru a little bit but he knew his best friend would never cross that kind of line. 

“You may go into cardiac arrest before you meet your match, Satoru.” Shoko snorted, sipping her coffee as she took in the surroundings of the busy cafe. For a moment, you wondered if she was doing what you and Satoru had been subconsciously doing for the last three weeks. “I keep waiting for him to appear.” Your tone was just barely above a whisper, as if even bringing up his existence would cause the world to implode around you. “Me too.” Shoko spoke softly, eyes still looking anywhere but the two of you. Satoru kept quiet, face unusually somber as he sipped his coffee. “I think I’ll eventually go insane.” 

You tried to sound lighthearted but the crack in your voice gave the opposite effect. 

Satoru’s eyes flickered up at that, making your shoulders shrink into the booth. You had quickly come to learn that both of your friends were treating you like fragile porcelain. Though you partially felt the same when talking to them, especially Satoru. Despite the frequent and long nights with each other, little to no words were ever spoken. “I’m fine.” You tried, voice a little stronger than before. “We can talk about these things without falling apart.” It sounded like you were trying to convince yourself more than them. Before anyone could speak, the waiter was walking over with your food, effectively stopping any further discussion. 

“Satoru…” You choked as the waiter walked away, eyes focused on the sugary, gooey concoction on the plate before him. “That’s your ticket to the ER.” Shoko was gawking at it too, a bite of food already halfway to her mouth. Satoru, on the other hand, looked like a kid on christmas morning, glasses sliding down his nose with a smile on his face. Your stomach grumbled as he cut into the pancakes, the feeling making you jump just a bit. You actually felt hungry, mouth watering as you looked down at your own plate and moved to take a bite. 

Silence fell over the table as you all ate, within minutes half of your food was gone and you were quietly wishing you had ordered something a little bigger.

“You need a napkin.” You laughed softly, handing Satoru your spare napkin so he could wipe the syrup off of his cheek. “Thanks.” For some reason you couldn't help but think he looked like a little kid. For another reason you couldn’t quite explain, it made sadness sink into your shoulders. He should be here with the three of you, eating and laughing and bringing you the comfort you always looked for in him. Your hands shook as you moved to eat more, not willing to let the surge of emotion get rid of the appetite you rarely had nowadays. 

As you finished your plate, you felt the bubbling wave of nausea build in your stomach. You inhaled slowly, trying to find a way to ease your worries and keep your food down. “Are you okay? You look a little green.” Shoko eyed you with concern, not even a second later Satoru was signaling the waiter for the check. “Y-yeah… told you my stomach was sensitive. That’s the most I've eaten at once in the last three weeks.” You couldn’t stand the embarrassment of making a scene or wasting money on the food you had just consumed. “I’ll be back.” You slipped out of the booth, your friend’s concerned eyes zeroing in on you as you disappeared for the bathroom. 

Luckily for you the bathroom was empty, the fluorescent lights making you flinch as you stumbled to the sink and turned the water on cold. You leaned over it, hands and wrists submerged under the running stream, chest heaving with the effort to remain calm. You were desperate to keep the food down, so desperate you could feel sweat forming on your temple as you tried to focus on anything but the nausea. Suguru’s face flashed through your mind and for a moment you were convinced your knees would give out from under you. 

~

“I told you to take it easy.” He huffs softly, fingers running through your hair as he rakes it away from your face. Carefully, he’s looping one of his elastics around your hair to keep it in place. Your head is still buried in the toilet, you had just finished throwing up for the third time in the last hour. “Are you still with me?” His hand is on your back now, rubbing slow but deliberate circles. Feebly you give him a thumbs up, throat burning from the sting of alcohol coming back up. 

“You didn’t eat much today and then you went and got shit-faced with Shoko.” Suguru stated the obvious, trying not to scold you because he knew you weren’t doing good right now. “I don’t think you have anything else to puke up, do you want some water?” You lifted your head now, reaching for toilet paper to wipe your mouth. “Water sounds good.” Your voice was weaker than Suguru had expected it to sound, his heart aching a bit as he sat beside you on the bathroom floor. 

“I’ll be right back, okay? Just yell if you get scared and I’ll be by your side before you know it.” You nodded, thanking him softly as he got up and disappeared out of your bathroom. You were only seventeen at the time, acting far older than you were and thinking you could get away with it. Now, you are facing the consequences of being naive. Typical for someone your age. Suguru had returned in under two minutes, handing you a glass of room temperature water. “It’ll be easier on your stomach at this temperature.” He chuckled as you grimaced. 

He moved to grab a washcloth from your cabinet, turning the sink water on cold. “And this…” he wrung it out twice before turning off the water “will help focus your attention on something other than the nausea.” He placed the cloth on the back of your neck, watching your shoulders sag in relief as something finally cooled your clammy skin. “Thanks, Sugu.” 

~

“Sugu… I’m scared.” Your voice was barely audible, tears burning your eyes as you squeezed them shut. Somehow it was working, your pain outshining the nausea as you tried to stop yourself from sobbing in the middle of the restroom. A year had passed since that moment in time, you were only eighteen now and yet you felt as if you had grown a decade. Yet, you were reduced to a scared and crying child because of nausea. Get it together. You forced yourself to straighten, hands slightly numb under the current of cold water. 

You forced yourself to make eye contact with your reflection, observing how stark the dark circles were under your eyes. Shoko had been right, you did look a bit green, but it was fading steadily as everything subsided. You let your hands sit under the water for a minute longer before bending over the sink and splashing some on your face. The door to the restroom opened as you straightened again, Shoko was looking at you with worry. “Did you get sick?” you shook your head, turning the water off and reaching for the paper towels. 

“Managed to fight it off… for now.” 

“Satoru paid already, there is a convenient store a couple shops down. We can get you some nausea meds and a barf bag for the ride back… just in case.” You nodded, smiling a bit. “That would probably be a good idea.” you followed her out of the bathroom and through the restaurant, Satoru was standing on the sidewalk with a new cigarette between his lips. “Damn, you really did develop a new habit.” He only shrugged, inhaling deeply before blowing more out. “I’ll get over it at some point.” Knowing him and his will-power, he probably would. 

“I’ll call for the driver, Satoru take her to the convenient store and I’ll catch up.” Satoru nodded, saluting her with a quick “yes ma’am” before grabbing your hand and dragging you along. You didn’t speak until Shoko was out of earshot. “Do you think it’s going to get better?” You appreciated the weight of his hand in yours, though you were certain he could feel how clammy it was. “I think it’ll get more bearable with time.” not better, but tolerable. The thought had your chest feeling heavy as you stepped inside of the small store. 

“Nausea meds and barf bags.” Satoru chuckled, reading the signs above each aisle until he spotted one that seemed like a good start. “You’ll have to see a doctor if this doesn’t ease up… how long has it been going on anyways?” You shuffled behind him, arms crossing due to him letting them go a moment prior. “Shortly after he left, after I found the letter.” Only Satoru knew about the letter that had been left behind. How Suguru managed to get back onto campus and leave it in your dorm was beyond him. You had even let him read it, breaking his heart again. 

“Shoko!” Satoru called, noticing her walk down the aisle before you could even turn your head. “I’m not good with this stuff, what should we get?” Satoru had already grabbed a box of blue cylindrical barf bags for you but the actual meds were basically foreign to him. “I’ll handle it from here, Satoru. You can wait in the car, he should be upfront by now.” Satoru’s brows furrowed, so did yours, but the look in Shoko’s eyes had him shrugging and handing the box to you. “Alright then, I’ll see ya out there.” 

He whistled as he strolled by, your eyes narrowing on Shoko. “What’s this about?” you watched her shuffle through the shelves, picking up one and reading the box before setting it down and moving onto the next. “I don’t know what you mean.” She commented offhandedly, plucking another box and reading it before sighing. “This one should work.” She turned, handing it to you while motioning you to follow her down the aisle. You read it over, nothing out of the ordinary so you truly couldn’t figure out what made this one different from the others. 

You stopped short when Shoko did, eyes scanning the aisle and feeling your stomach drop. “Shoko–” You sighed, she was standing in front of the pregnancy tests. “Listen, I know it’s probably the last thing you want to even think about but I think you should take one.” She was grabbing a box of the cheap tests, the same test that was still residing in the trash can of your bathroom. “Shoko, it's not necessary.” You couldn't bring yourself to tell her you already took one, for some reason you couldn’t tell her it was negative either. 

“I’ll buy them, and you’ll keep them. If this nausea doesn’t subside in like two weeks, I’m forcing you to take them.” You felt your face burning, clutching the nausea meds tightly in your hands as you looked away from her. “Fine.” You sighed, head tilted at her shoes as you followed her up front to the register. Everything was placed neatly in a brown bag so nobody could see the contents. Once in the car, you popped open the barf bags just to keep one ready in the event your nausea returned full force. “I figured you would forget this.” 

You looked up to see Satoru handing you a bottle of water, your lips parting in surprise. “You know me well, Satoru. I did forget.” you took it from him, grabbing the box of nausea meds and ripping them open. You took them and sighed, gulping down water when you realized how thirsty you had been. “If we have nothing else to do today, I think I’ll take a nap.” You were aching for your bed, more tired now than you had been after any missions. “Alright but we’ll wake you up for dinner if we don’t hear from you.” Shoko smiled, cracking the window to light a cig. 

“It’s not even 11am yet.” you snorted. “Yeah but you can sleep like the dead when you really need it, if we don’t wake you, you’ll sleep straight through till tomorrow.” You opened your mouth to deny it, about to use your frequent bathroom breaks as an excuse but stopped yourself. Saying that would only confirm the very thing Shoko was suspicious of. “Alright, fine, whatever.” You resigned with a playful huff, arms crossing as you turned to look out the window. Luckily for you, you managed to make it through the ride without needing to use the bag. 

“I’ll see you later.” You called after them, waving as you headed for the dorms. They both waved back, finding shade under a tree to enjoy more of the sunny morning. You felt your shoulders sagging with each step, your social battery diminished far faster now that Suguru wasn’t always by your side. You had almost grown a bit too dependent on him, thinking he would be a constant in your life. You inhaled shakily, the brown bag crumbling between your fingers as your emotions bubbled to the surface yet again. You couldn't seem to get yourself to your dorm fast enough, hot tears slipping down your cheeks as you shoved the key in the lock. 

It came in heavy waves, making you feel weak as you could only succumb to the sadness festering in your chest. You dropped the bag by the door, kicking off your shoes and shouldering off your uniform jacket. Moving on autopilot, you drew your curtains shut and took off the rest of your clothing, sliding his shirt over your head until you were enveloped in his scent. You were gasping for air by the time your body hit the mattress, curling in on yourself as you sobbed. “I miss you.” You hiccuped, rubbing your eyes as if it would stop the tears. 

God dammit, Suguru, why did you have to do this?

You buried your head in your pillow, trying to drown out your own feelings before sadness turned to anger and you ripped your whole room apart because of it. 

~

“Stop wiggling so much.” His voice sounded like gravel, rumbling the back of your head as he spoke. “Can’t help it.” You retorted, trying your best to settle into a comfortable position. Suguru had you wrapped in a bear hug, his favorite form of affection, especially since he knew you couldn’t get out of his grasp. His arms were covered in thick muscles, something you initially didn't expect because his uniform and choice of baggy clothing typically hid them.

 You could use all your strength and his grip wouldn’t falter.  

“Why not?” he mumbled again, if you had to guess, his eyes were closed as he spoke. “Cause it’s warm, Sugu.” you were both laying on top of the covers, little to no clothing on because of the heat and the broken air conditioning that the school was still trying to fix. Nothing but an old fan swiveling side to side to create some sort of relief. Still, Suguru couldn’t sleep unless you were pressed flush to him, warm or not. “It’s not that bad.” 

“Oh it absolutely is.” you immediately countered, turning your head back to try and look at him. “It could be way worse.” he tried again, fingers thrumming against your side. “Yeah, it could, but it could also be better. Like if you let me go for example.” You wiggled a bit, trying to create space before he pulled you tightly to him again. “Nice try, it’s not happening.” You groaned, going limp in his arms as he began to laugh. “I could totally make it worse for you.” He added softly, lips ghosting your ear. Despite the heat, you shivered. 

“The weirdest things turn you on, Sugu.” 

“Hey, it’s not nice to call yourself weird.” 

You slapped his arm, earning another rumble of laughter as he moved to hover over you. “C’mon, if I make you sweat, it’ll make the breeze from the fan feel colder.” You rolled your eyes, studying his features as he looked down at you, hair framing his face and ghosting yours. “That’s counterproductive, you know.” Your hands were running up his biceps anyway, moving to wrap around his neck and pull him close to you. “Maybe it is, but you can’t say I’m wrong.” 

His head was lowering, giving into your pull with no hesitation. “You’re right, I can’t say you’re wrong. But… I want to.” You smile, pulling him further until your lips melt together. He was radiating warmth, his teeth grazing your bottom lip to ask for entrance. Your lips parted, hands snaking up into his hair and tugging at the strands until he groaned. Suguru braced himself on one hand, making the mattress dip just by your head. The rest of his weight was settled on his knees, caging your hips in so you truly couldn’t get away from him. Not that you wanted too now. 

You felt small beneath him, his bare skin radiating warmth as he used his free hand to push your shirt up. You could ignore the heat for the time being, more focused on the steady beating from between your thighs. “Sugu…” You parted with a gasp, watching him lean up and pull you with him, allowing him to drag your shirt over your head and toss it to the floor before pushing you down again. His lips didn’t return to yours, instead they moved to your neck, kissing along your pulse point until you were whining. “Quiet, baby, don’t forget we’re in my room.” 

Satoru was asleep next door, that realization set in like ice water being dumped over your head. “Suguru.” You choked as his head dipped lower, licking along your collarbone before moving to one of your breasts. He wasn’t going to answer you, and you knew that for a fact by the way his lips curled into a smirk against your skin. “You’re evil.” You gasped, hand fisting his hair tightly as he scraped his teeth along your breast, nipping at the soft skin. Your other hand found its home on his shoulder, nails scratching lightly as his muscles flexed under your grasp. 

You sunk your teeth into your cheek when his lips wrapped around your perked nipple, arousal making it pebble slightly as he sucked. Suguru’s tongue lavished your skin, flicking the bud until your back was arching into his touch. It wasn’t nearly enough, your breath coming out in short pants as you tried to pry him off and focus on your other breast. “These would look so pretty if they were full of milk.” You choked, eyes wide as he looked up at you through his lashes. “Don’t you think?” You couldn’t breathe for a moment, stunned into silence by his comment. 

“C’mon baby, don’t act so shocked.” He cooed softly, the tip of his tongue trailing up your sternum. He didn’t stop until he reached your lips, kissing them softly before dipping his head again. His hand toyed with the breast he had just teased endlessly, brown eyes observing the rate of your breathing before lowering onto your other breast. He repeated the same motions, nipping and sucking the senstive skin until you were squirming from the wetness between your legs.

“You haven't answered me, sweetheart.”

“B-because I don’t know how to answer that, Sugu.” You knew exactly what he was implying, but you couldn’t form a coherent response for him. “You just have to tell me if you agree, it’s pretty simple.” He chuckled, pushing himself up to look down at you. Your hands fell to your sides, his neck just out of your reach. “Just think about it, pretty girl.” You watched him, completely entranced as he pulled his briefs down and his erection sprang free. “Because I’ve been thinking about it a lot.” 

“You have?” You sat up a bit, fingers shakily pulling off your own underwear to save time. “I have.” He confirmed, cheeks turning a shade of red that you could see even in the moonlight. His hand slid along his length, spreading the precum drooling from his tip while his boxers rested at his mid-thigh. “Take those off, Sugu.” You smiled a bit, reaching for the waistband and pulling them taut before letting them snap back against his thigh. “So demanding.” He snorted, letting himself go to push the material off, tossing it to the floor just as you had done with your underwear. 

“So are you, demanding an answer for something so…so…” you couldn’t find the right words, not when his eyes were on you, devouring you whole. “…so what? How does it make you feel?” He redirected, pumping himself leisurely as your thighs fell open for him, still supporting yourself on your elbows as you waited. “How does what make me feel?” A stupid question but you were still reeling from the initial statement. Suguru laughed, hand still gliding over his length as he sat on his knees.

“How does it feel knowing I think about getting you pregnant… all the fucking time.” You couldn’t deny the thought made you feel hot, hotter than you felt from the heat and arousal mixing. Like molten lava was running its way through your bloodstream. “F-feels fucking…” you squirmed a bit, legs moving to close involuntarily until his hand shot out and stopped them. “Go on, pretty girl. Tell me.” You sat up, glaring at him with warm cheeks. “How about you fuck me. Then, maybe, I’ll tell you how I feel about your little fantasies.” Suguru groaned, head falling forward for a moment. 

“Sounds like a good deal to me.” He moved forward, pressing you back into the mattress as he pulled your thighs towards him. Your lips found his neck, sucking on it harshly as he ran the dull head of his cock between your slick folds. You let him move you however he pleased, your legs being pushed almost painfully to your chest as he pressed into you. You gasped in unison, his cock stretching you open easily despite no prep. “Shit…” his head fell forward again, nearly bumping yours as he bottomed out, no space left between the two of you. 

Suguru stayed in place, eyes shut as he focused on the way your walls fluttered and squeezed around him, unable to stay still. Your nails dug into his scalp, pulling a groan from his lips as you tried to relax but couldn’t. He was big, bigger than any fling or partner you had in the past. No matter how easily your cunt accepted him, it still stung for the first few seconds. You had grown to love the deep ache, the weight of him inside you, the way his tip would brush your cervix depending on the position. Like now, with your legs pressed so tightly to your body. 

“Can I move?” his voice was soft, eyes peering into your own once he gained his composure. “Y-yeah.” You breathed out, the feeling of his hands on your skin still sent shockwaves of arousal through you. Especially when his grip tightened, bracing himself on you as he drew his hips back half way before rolling into you again. You moaned, eyes squeezing shut as Suguru found his rhythm, hips meeting yours with a soft slap. “D-Don’t forget Satoru is…” You wailed softly, pleasure building quickly as he moved. “I know…” 

But the smirk on his face told you he no longer cared, he’d gladly listen to his white-haired best friend bitch and moan in the morning about being woken up by you. Suguru’s rhythm only sped up, hips angling perfectly to brush along that one particular spot as he thrust into you, cock head brushing your cervix every few thrusts until your vision was blurring. The pleasure ebbing through your body was more than enough to block out how uncomfortable your current position was. 

A wet squelch started to emit between your legs, loud enough to be heard over the drone of the fan as Suguru pounded into you. “So…” he started, voice strained as sweat dripped down his temple. “... can you tell me how it makes you feel now?” You blinked, awestruck that he was still hooked on getting an answer from you. “S-suguru…” you whined, head falling further into the pillows. “I’m not letting it go…ha… Tell me how it makes you feel.” he ground out, hips slowing just a bit. When you didn’t speak, he pressed more of his weight into you so one hand could break free. 

You moaned, loud and unrestrained as his fingers ghosted across your swollen clit, the sudden contact making you see stars. “Tell me how it makes you feel.” he repeated, watching your face go slack as his fingers and hips worked in tandem. “Makes me hot…” You admitted with a heavy breath, eyes struggling to focus on him. “I want you to do it, Sugu… fuck me till I’m pregnant.” The look on his face had you shrinking further into the mattress, an almost animalistic look taking over his eyes as he stopped moving all together. “Say it again.” 

“I want you to fuck me ‘til I’m pregnant, Suguru.”  

~

You woke up in a sweat, gasping for air as you stumbled out of bed and barreled to the bathroom. You couldn’t stop the nausea this time, knees hitting the tile floor with bruising force as you heaved into the toilet. You hadn’t even remembered falling asleep, but your dream was enough to send you into a death spiral. Tears burned your eyes as the little bit of breakfast you hadn’t digested came back up. Luckily for you, you had slept long enough that your food from this morning wasn’t a total loss. Nothing more than bile was left as you finally calmed down. 

You reached for toilet paper, wiping your tears and blowing your nose until you could at least breath without difficulty. Aching, you got up, flushing the toilet and washing your hands and face. You had no idea what time it was but you assumed it wasn’t late enough for dinner if Shoko never came to wake you up. At least that’s what you thought as you stumbled back into your dorm room slightly sweaty. That’s odd… The sun had begun to set just beyond your window, your eyes flickering to your alarm clock. 7:23pm stared back at you in big red numbers. 

I slept for over eight hours? You looked for your phone, seeing the missed text from Shoko. 

Shoko: I decided against waking you up, I figured you could use the sleep. Just text me when you’re awake and I can bring you dinner

You were partially grateful for her decision, your face still warm as your dream lingered in your mind. Dreaming of the past, how cliche. You sighed, sitting on the edge of your bed. You had woken up so suddenly, adrenaline blocking out the sleepiness at first. Now, your body seemed to thrum with a dull ache, the headrush coming back around to kick you while you were down. You reached over to turn on the small lap residing on your nightstand, eyes squinting for a moment as you adjusted. Your eyes focused on the brown bag from earlier, the one you discarded on your floor after coming back. 

You knew there was water in there still, so you got up and grabbed it, looking at the bag contents in disdain. You emptied it on your desk, nausea meds, barf bags and the box of pregnancy tests. You studied then as you gulped down some of the water, easing the burn in your throat. The pregnancy tests Shoko had insisted on were identical to the one you took this morning. Weirdly enough you wished she had grabbed the more expensive digital ones. That way you wouldn't have to strain yourself trying to figure out if a second line was present or not. 

“Fuck it.” you sighed, dropping the now empty water bottle in the small barrel you kept beside your desk. You still had one more test in the box from this morning, you’d take another one just because of the memories lingering on your mind. Your face felt warm as you recalled that particular night from a few months back. Suguru had been pretty adamant after that, fucking you raw and in ernest with every intention of knocking you up. You, stupidly, let him because you love him and loved the idea of having a family with him. “Idiot.” 

You scolded yourself again, ripping the foil wrapper and tossing it in your trash with the now empty box. You went through the same process as you did that morning, peeing into a cup and dipping the absorbent end into it for ten seconds before capping it and discarding the rest of the contents. You forced yourself to leave the bathroom this time, convinced it would make time go by faster. The text Shoko had sent was still left unanswered, you couldn’t even bring yourself to feel hungry at that moment in time. 

You’d text her in a little while though, or else she’d likely come breaking your door down thinking you had run away. Just then, your phone vibrated with the ringtone you had set for Satoru. You grabbed it, flipping it open to see what he had to say. On the screen there was a message from him, asking if you wanted to hang out on the rooftop to watch the stars later on. You smiled a bit, it was rare for Satoru to ask things so formally. You clicked out a message, telling him yes and that you could use some fresh air. 

It took him no time at all to send a happy emoticon, one that had you rolling your eyes as you typed back that you’d meet him at his dorm when you were ready. You backed out of the chat, eyes lingering on a particular contact, your message to him was naturally left unanswered. You had given up texting Suguru’s number when the messages no longer got delivered. You figured he’d discard his phone, throw away any direct contact he had with the three of you. You snapped your phone shut a moment later, you’d text Shoko after you got dressed.

Opening your closet was still proving to be a bit difficult, especially as your fingers trailed over the material of the clothing Suguru had kept in your room. They smelt like the laundry detergent he used as well as his cologne, it took your breath away for a moment. You forced yourself away, grabbing some comfortable clothes that were actually yours before shutting the door. You didn’t think you’d ever be able to discard his clothing, despite knowing he wasn’t coming back to you. 

You pulled his shirt over your head, grabbing your own and replacing it. You pulled on a pair of shorts after, rubbing your face with your hands as you looked at your appearance in the mirror. No amount of sleep seemed to help the dark circles under your eyes or the sickly look to your complexion. You could only hope Satoru was right, with time it would become more manageable. You glanced at your alarm clock, 7:48pm stared back at you now. The sky outside your window had turned indigo, the sun minutes away from being completely out of sight. The summer was coming to an end, filling your chest with melancholy.

You couldn’t stand being alone in that moment, grabbing your phone and shoving it in your pocket as you made a beeline for your door. You made your way down the hall, remembering as you passed Shoko’s dorm that you needed to text her. Stopping in your tracks, you figured it would just be easier to see her in person. “Shoko?” you called, fingers tapping the door softly because she hated when people knocked too loud. “Coming.” You heard her rustling around her room before the door opened, a half smoked cigarette hanging from her lips. 

“Thought Yaga told you no smoking inside.”  

“What he doesn’t know won’t kill him, and my window is open.” 

You smiled, “I’m hanging out with Satoru on the roof if you wanna join us.” Shoko exhaled, puffing just a bit of smoke in your direction. “I’d love to but I spent the whole afternoon with him ‘cause you were sleeping.” You sighed, rubbing the back of your neck “my bad.” but Shoko was waving you off. “Don’t apologize, you need sleep… I’ll trust Satoru to feed you if you’re hungry.” She smiled as you rolled your eyes “Alright alright, enjoy the rest of your bad habit and I’ll take Satoru duty.” The look in Shoko’s eyes made your smile falter for just a moment. 

They looked oddly wistful, but it vanished just as quickly as your smile faltered. “Aye aye captain.” Shoko started to shut the door as you turned to leave, watching you go for just a moment before shutting it completely. “Satoru.” You drawled, banging on his door so you could be heard over the music he was playing. “Oi, keep it down!” the door swung open a moment later, a cheeky grin on his face as he looked at you. “Ready to go?” He looked cozy in an oversized black hoodie and sweats, sunglasses resting on top of his head. 

“Sure am.” you returned his smile, the ache in your chest easing just a bit. It was more bearable when you had someone who understood the pain you felt deeper than surface level. You watched him turn, shutting off his music and the lights before stepping into the hallway. “Are we going to take the normal way or are you going to test out your blue?” Satoru’s eyes seemed to sparkle as you suggested he use his curse technique. “If you insist on blue…” You couldn’t even make a sound as his arm wrapped around your waist, hauling you off of your feet. 

In the blink of an eye, you were exposed to the cooling night air. “Damn.” You laughed as he set you down, shuffling over to the small lock box you kept up here with spare blankets and, as Shoko claimed, “necessities”...Which were just two cartons of emergency cigarettes. “Didn’t disorient you, right?” Satoru was standing on the edge, observing the glow of the city in the distance. “Not even a little, you’ve improved a lot, Satoru.” your back was turned to him, so you missed the way his eyes widened slightly, cheeks turning pink. 

“Thanks” 

You turned back to him, blankets in hand. “So…” You walked over to where he was standing, taking a seat just before the edge and letting your legs dangle off. “...So?” Satoru looked down at you, watching you settle. “Why did you want to come up here… I’d love to gaze at the stars but it’s not like we’ll actually see any with all the light pollution.” Satoru sighed, dropping down to squat beside you. “I guess I just wanted your company… ya know since you’re probably the only other person that understands this.” his tone was awkward, it wasn’t often that you were sentimental… or serious for that matter… with each other. 

“Your welcome to have my company any time, Satoru. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you.” It was so heartfelt it made you feel strange. “Sorry.” You added, a bit meeker than before when he stiffened a bit. “Don’t be sorry, just not used to being so… serious with you.”  He sat fully now, shoulder brushing yours as a silent invitation for you to rest your head. You did, just as you always had, watching the lights of the city a few miles away. “It’s strange, isn’t it?” You spoke in a gentle tone, hoping he knew what you meant. 

“It is. Knowing he’s there, that he’s okay… while we’re sitting here sulking like idiots.” There was a small bite to his tone as he finished, one that quickly left when he exhaled. “It pisses me off.” It made you upset too, anger bubbling in the back of your mind like a pot of boiling water that was going to overflow at any second. “It pisses me off too, because I truly can’t understand it. I’ve killed myself over the last three weeks trying to understand, to make sense of it. I can’t and I don’t think I ever will. But it’s not my place to reason with it, you know?” 

Satoru was silent, waiting for you to continue. “It’s not my life, it’s his. I tried for months to get it out of him, I tried so goddamn hard to get him to open up and he never did. Always redirecting, always avoiding.” You sounded defeated by the end, blinking away the tears that blurred your vision so you could regain composure. “Why didn’t you come to me?” Satoru questioned softly, letting your words sink in like an anchor. 

“He gave you so many signs, Satoru. If you couldn’t see them, it wasn’t my place to assist.” 

Satoru felt like that should have made him angry, but it didn’t. Mostly because you were right, it had been obvious from the start but he had naively pushed them to the side, pretending it wasn’t true. He was just as much at fault, if anything he was willing to shoulder all of the blame. Because at least you tried. He couldn’t say the same, and he knew that far too well. “Suguru made up his mind the moment he entered that village. There is no stopping a man who is set in their resolve. You said it yourself, Satoru. He looked healthier, happier, content.” 

Satoru took in a shaky breath, leaning into you just as you leaned into him. “I just don’t get why he needed to kill his parents.” Your eyes closed, that was the thought weighing heaviest on your mind. “He needed to prove to himself that he was doing the right thing. That nobody, not even his parents, were an exception to his newfound ideology.” It killed you to say it, especially since you had met his parents last winter break. They were kind, at least his mother was. His father was a bit colder but there was still an undeniable love for his son. They had welcomed you so openly, they were proud of the son they had raised. 

Now they were gone, nobody but Suguru was to blame. 

“In a fucked up way, I don’t care that he killed those people.” The words felt bitter on your tongue, but his letter flashed through your mind and for a moment you understood him. Those two little girls, beaten and caged, scared and facing death for things they never did. Hell, had you gone on the mission with him, you may have encouraged his choices. That realization felt weird as it settled in your gut. “I… I don’t really care either.” Satoru admitted softly, thinking back over the last year, thinking about Amanai. He had been seconds away from doing the same thing. 

But Suguru had been his voice of reason, stopping him with a simple command. It should have been obvious then, that Suguru’s life was completely altered from that moment forward. “It was so obvious.” He hissed softly, head falling forward just a bit as anger squeezed his heart. “There is nothing we can do now, Satoru. Nothing we can do will reverse the damage that has been done.” You wished you could believe your own words, part of you wanted to catch a train into the city and barrel into that religious group he took over. 

You weren’t even sure what you’d do if you did. Hit him, yell at him? Crumple into his arms like the sucker you were. Maybe a mix of all three, no, it would definitely be a mix of all three. You couldn’t help but wonder how he would react if he saw you again. He made it clear in his letter that he loved you, he still loved you, he would always love you. If you made the choice to leave, would he welcome you in with open arms. Or was he resenting you already for not doing so sooner. Was he waiting for you? Or was it nothing more than sweet-talk. 

“You’re not breathing.” Satoru muttered softly, tilting his head just a bit to look down at you. “Oh…” You inhaled deeply, laughing a bit  as you exhaled “got lost in thought.” You felt Satoru relax again, head resting against yours. “I get it.” You fell into a comfortable silence, watching as the sky steadily turned from a deep blue to pitch black. There, if you squint hard enough, you could make out a couple of sparkling stars. 

You knew if you asked, Satoru could probably whisk you somewhere far away. Somewhere clear so you could actually see the stars with no obstructions. 

Yet you were too comfortable, too warm. 

Sitting where you were now was more than enough for the time being. That feeling of content actually took the air from your lungs for a moment, blinking steadily as you took in your surroundings. There was a fleeting moment where your heart felt light, that aching heaviness that had been plaguing it for the last three weeks wasn’t present. You wondered quietly if Satoru felt it too. Given the way his body seemed completely relaxed into yours, you assumed he did. 

~

You were stumbling down the hall like a drunkard. Your mind felt numb as you moved, head tilted down and expression blank. If anyone were to cross your path at that given moment, they probably would have been unsettled by the sight of you. A zombie moving on autopilot, your brain moving so quickly that it had reduced everything to a quiet, droning buzz. 

Murder. 112 people. His parents too. He’s gone. He snapped. He’s a murderer. Suguru is gone. 

Nothing made sense, not a single bit of the information you had received made any sense. The fact that Suguru wasn’t answering your frequent texts wasn't making sense. The fact that you had woken up to an empty bed wasn’t making sense. The fact that people were telling you Suguru, your Suguru, had taken over a hundred lives in the span of one night wasn’t making any fucking sense. 

Your knees nearly gave out the moment your hand met the wood of your door, pushing it open so quickly it slammed into the wall with a loud thud before coming back at you. Not that you cared, at that moment you could be set on fire and you wouldn’t blink an eye. 

You stood in the middle of your dorm room, eyes scanning the room as if it were something foreign. Nothing was making sense, not even your bed looked like your own. It was the pressure cracking down on you already, sinking its claws into your shoulders and forcing you to your knees as the weight of your new reality hit you like a freight train. You couldn’t even bring yourself to cry in that moment, too shell shocked over the report Yaga had read to you and Satoru. 

Satoru. 

You had stumbled away shortly after the report was finished, barely registering the way he had started to yell. You hadn’t looked back, but it wasn’t like either of them tried to stop you. Despite having just stumbled away from him, you found yourself moving to leave and find him again. At least you would have if your knees didn’t give out on you. You gasped, more out of surprise than pain as your legs made contact with the wooden floor. You sat there for a moment, arms feeling equally as weak as you pushed yourself into a sitting position. 

You felt your chest tighten, every breath felt strangled as you tried to inhale. A cold sweat seemed to cover your skin, fingers shaking slightly as you pushed your hair from your face. You couldn’t move, completely paralyzed by shock. It felt like your heart was shattering, every shaky inhale deepening the wound. Still, your tears would not come. Not even as black spots began to obstruct your vision, chest heaving as you began to hyperventilate. 

Despite your body vibrating in distress, you felt a nearly silent calm. Like someone had flicked off the switch and stole your ability to hear.

Nothing and everything all at once. 

~

“Hey? Y/N wake up…” You jumped a bit, hand coming up to touch the wetness on your cheeks. “You were crying in your sleep.” Satoru muttered softly, hand smoothing over your hair as he cradled you. “I-I was?” You didn’t even realize the change in position or the change in scenery. You were no longer sitting by the roof’s edge, instead you were sitting in Satoru’s lap, his arms holding you tightly as he looked at you with worry. 

“You were.” he confirmed, letting you go just as you woke up fully. “Sorry for worrying you, I was just thinking about him… it’s so strange. I’ve been having such intense dreams of the past… I've had dreamless sleep for the last three weeks… so why now?” Satoru sighed, watching you get up to stand and stretch your limbs. “I don’t know. I’ve been having odd dreams about him but I don’t really remember how most of them go by the time I wake up.”

“It’s the universe’s way of torturing us… as if we haven’t been tortured enough. Wait, how long have I been asleep?” The temperature had dropped significantly, the moon was shining high in the sky now. “About an hour or so, I was actually going to bring you back inside but you started to cry and… well here we are now.” Satoru got up, stretching dramatically as you sighed. “You’d think after sleeping for eight hours I wouldn't be tired.” 

You walked to the edge of the roof again, feet pressing firmly to the ledge as you looked down. “Being depressed will suck the soul out of you.” For some reason you couldn’t help but laugh. “You seem pretty wide awake, Satoru.” He joined you on the ledge, pushing you a bit to the side. Your training gave you quick reflexes so you didn’t flinch when he did it. “Oh please, you know I’m right.” You glanced at him, laughing softly. 

“You are, but so am I. We can be depressed morons together.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm, earning another laugh as you punched his shoulder. “Touche, Gojo” 

“Yuck, never call me that again.” His face had morphed into a scowl as you used his last name. He never liked hearing you call him anything other than Satoru. “Fine.” you crossed your arms over your chest, inhaling the cool air. “I think I’m gonna go shower and maybe make something small for dinner… Just so Shoko doesn’t string the two of us up on a lamppost.” Satoru nodded, watching you step off the ledge and move about the roof to put the blankets away. 

“I’ll accompany you.” he jumped down, trailing behind you as you moved to open the door that would bring you downstairs. “In the shower? I’m flattered but–” the way his eyes rolled were enough to stop you mid-sentence. “Joking, Satoru.” he sighed out an “I know” closing the distance to haul you up. “Using the stairs is boring.” Within the blink of an eye, you were back inside and standing in front of your dorm room. 

“Text me when you’re done showering and we can go get food.” 

You nodded, one of the perks of attending school in Tokyo was the fact that the city never slept. You could go find a place to eat at three in the morning and they’d still serve you hot food. Your body sagged against the door of your dorm after shutting it. Flicking on the lights lit the room in a warm, golden glow. For the last three years you considered your room a sanctuary, it was your happy place after a long day of training. Now, it feels oddly cold. 

You walked over to your dresser, pulling the top drawer open to grab a fresh pair of underwear and pajamas for after. You tossed them on your bed, reaching down for your bottom drawer to grab a particular towel you liked. It didn’t take you long to put your hair up, not in the mood to wash it just yet, and head to the bathroom. You squinted a bit as the nearly white fluorescent lights filled the room, if you had your way you’d change them to something softer. 

It took all of five seconds for your world to come crashing down around you again, eyes zeroing in on the pregnancy test sitting on your counter. I fucking forgot about it…

You set your towel down on the counter, holding your breath as you took the step and reached for the test. You gave yourself no time to prepare, eyes scanning the results once before it hit you like a ton of bricks. You dropped it, letting it clatter on the porcelain counter as a jagged sob ruptured from your chest. Your hand came up to cover your mouth, the other resting on your chest, your heart thumping so wildly you were certain it would burst. 

There, on the test, were two lines. It was positive. 

You nearly fell forward, dropping down to the trash can beside your sink and rummaging through it without hesitation. Your fingers wrapped around the plastic test from this morning, yanking it up and looking at the results again. There, on the initial test from that morning, were two lines. You didn’t drop it this time, eyes staring at the results as if they’d change. Positive, this whole time it had been positive. You just hadn’t let the first test develop long enough. 

“When… How…” You uttered softly, the logical part of your brain screaming at you to be realistic for a second rather than acting so surprised. The irrational side of your brain was still reeling from the revelation. As if Suguru hadn’t been adamant in trying to knock you up for months. “You fucking bastard… you get your way and leave me with the aftermath.” You were struggling, there was no way you’d be able to pinpoint when it happened until you found out how far along you were. For some reason, that was what made reality really set in. 

Hot tears streaked your face, sobbing so harshly that it felt like your lungs would collapse on you. You moved in a blur, legs carrying you out of your dorm and down the hall until you were pushing open Satoru’s door. “Woah there, sounds like someone’s hun…” He looked up, the teasing tone in his voice dropping immediately when he saw the tears streaming down your face. “What the fuck happened? Are you hurt?” Satoru crossed the room in two long strides, hands cupping your face as your lips wobbled. 

You couldn’t get the words out, crying harder as he ran his hands over you searching for some type of wound. “C’mon, what happened?” His tone had more of a bite to it than he intended but you were causing panic to seep through his veins. You couldn’t breathe, legs nearly buckling under the weight of your reality. Satoru seemed to catch this, hands shooting out to support you as he brought both of you to the floor. “Y/N, please.” he urged you, throat feeling tight. 

You shook your head, still sobbing as you raised your hand meekly, the positive pregnancy test out in the open for him to see. Blue eyes widened significantly when he saw it, he didn’t even need to see the two lines to understand why you were so hysterical. “Oh…oh.” he swallowed, hand shakily taking the test from your hand to look at it. “Oh fuck.” it was just barely above a whisper, arm holding you just a little tighter as you cried into his chest. 

At least part of you was aware of the possibility, Satoru on the other hand felt completely blindsided. “You two didn’t use protection?” He uttered softly, rocking you slightly without thinking as your cries continued, you couldn’t think at that moment, unable to calm yourself down. You managed to shake your head in response, unable to feel embarrassed as you admitted to not using condoms when with Suguru. “Fuck… did you ever use protection with him?” 

He knew the answer, of course he fucking knew the answer. Suguru was utterly obsessed with you, so in love it was nearly nauseating. You shook your head again, confirming that you’d never once used protection with him. “Hey… c’mon…” he started softly when your body shook with the force of your cries but you were no longer making any sounds. He wanted to say it would be alright but he wasn’t sure if it would be. 

That answer relied on you. 

He couldn’t expect you to be alright, you had your heart broken three weeks prior by the man who often talked about proposing to you as soon as you all graduated. If those were the kind of conversations Suguru was having with him, he couldn’t imagine the conversations Suguru had been having with you. Well, that was a bit of a lie. Considering your reaction to the test results, it seemed this was a long sought after goal. Your cries were from heartbreak, not fear. 

~

“I’ve been looking at rings.” Satoru glanced up, noodles dangling half way from his lips. “Hah?” He watched Suguru grimace a bit, some broth splattering as Satoru questioned him. “I’ve been looking at rings for Y/N.” Suguru stated again, a little more cautiously now, watching Satoru slurp the rest of the noodles into his mouth. “Suguru, we haven’t even entered our third year.” 

“I know, but…” he shrugged, unable to formulate the right way to say it. “...But? You’re not even eighteen yet, neither is she.” It wasn’t that Satoru didn’t think it was okay, he just figured you were both way too young to even fathom those things. “I don’t intend on proposing to her until we’ve graduated. Listen I know it seems fast but…” Suguru's hands fidgeted with his utensils for a moment, eyes avoiding Satoru until he was ready.

“I love her, Satoru. I didn’t even think it was possible to love someone as much as I love her.” 

Satoru blinked, a bit taken back by such a bold declaration over a bowl of cheap ramen. “I’m not doubting that you love her, Suguru. I just think it’s a bit crazy to think about these things so young.” Suguru sighed, watching Satoru with weary eyes as he moved to eat more noodles. 

“We’re sourcers, Satoru. A long life isn’t guaranteed.” 

~

“Breathe, please. You’re going to pass out.” Satoru’s hand was slapping your back as you coughed, the tears had finally begun to slow but you still weren’t able to form a coherent sentence. “Please…” he tried again, watching you try your best to take a deep breath. It was followed by another, this time it wasn’t superficial. After a couple more, you were able to rub the tears from your eyes and look at him without blurry vision. 

“S-satoru I’m so so-sorry.” you hiccuped, your throat feeling raw from your crying. “You have nothing to apologize for, stop feeling like you have to apologize for everything you do.” he let you go a bit, motioning for you to get up with him and sit on his bed rather than the floor. He watched you crawl under his covers, curling up against his pillows, sniffling softly. Despite the weight of the conversation you were about to have, Satoru couldn’t help but chuckle. 

He crawled onto his bed as well, sitting beside you but above the covers. “So… I guess the best place to start is… how did this happen. By that I mean, was it intentional?” You sighed, toying with the end of his pillow case as you spoke. “Suguru had been trying to get me pregnant for months now.” You felt warmth flood your cheeks, it felt awkward admitting something like that. “I knew the bastard had a breeding kink.” Satoru said it more to himself than you, but that didn’t stop the shrill yell of his name as you slapped his arm. 

“I’m being honest! He just seemed like the type.” Satoru shrugged, holding back laughter as you rolled your eyes and settled back into sulking. “I shouldn’t be so blindsided by this, but it’s fucking ironic that he got what he wanted after he fucking left me… us.” you corrected softly, feeling selfish for being so focused on yourself when Satoru was hurting too. “The universe knows how to play cruel jokes, I’ve thought that my whole life. But, that’s beside the point. We can’t sit here and sulk over it, we need to talk about what to do next.” 

You looked up at Satoru, eyes red from crying. It hurt his heart, you looked like a kicked puppy. In that moment he realized how heavily he relied on Suguru, because even now he found himself itching to grab his phone and call him for advice. What was worse, you were now looking to him for help, when really he was just as scared as you. “The next logical step is I need to find a doctor who can run a blood test and confirm the store bought tests are accurate. After that, they need to tell me how far along I am so I can pinpoint when this happened.”

Satoru nodded, you’d both have to fill in Shoko in the morning, she’d be able to help with all the medical bits. “I… I know this seems a bit invasive so please don’t take offense… but are you going to keep it?” Satoru fidgeted a bit, eyes watching as you seemed to zone out and think. Your initial answer was yes, of course, but were you really capable of raising a baby on your own? Then again, you didn’t think you could stomach giving them away for adoption, and you certainly didn’t want to get rid of them. Not after you chased this goal for months, regardless of the way things were right now. “Yeah, as terrifying as it is, I want this baby, Satoru.” 

“Okay, so we got two of the biggest things out of the way. Now, the hardest…” you huffed as he trailed off, you weren’t entirely sure you were ready to answer the next question. “What do we do about Suguru, that’s what you’re going to say, right?” It was Satoru’s turn to huff now, nodding as he looked away from you to stare at his hands.

“He… he needs to know.” 

“No the fuck he doesn’t.” 

You both stared at each other, completely scandalized by the other’s response. “Satoru… He needs to know… he…he’s the fucking dad? How am I supposed to jus–” Satoru shook his head, hands coming up to rub his face before letting them fall back to his lap. “Suguru is a fucking criminal now, he murdered people. Hundreds of people I should fucking remind you and you just want to waltz back into his fucking life and tell him that shit?” You sat up now, eyes burning holes into his skull as you waited for him to at least look at you. “Do you hear yourself?” 

You were seething, that same anger you held for Suguru leaving was now bubbling at Satoru for uttering his name like it was pure filth. Satoru stiffened, eyes turning to glare at you. But, every ounce of anger seemed to drain from his body when he saw nothing but hurt glowing in your tired and puffy eyes. “I fucking get it, Satoru. I know what Suguru did but fuck, how am I supposed to just get over him? How am I supposed to carry his child for nine months and push it out of my body just to raise it on my fucking own and never tell him? He’s the one that wanted this in the first place!” Tears glossed your eyes over, hands shaking as they fisted in his sheets.

His mouth opened before closing again, eyes looking away from you because he knew he'd never be able to try and talk sense into you when you looked at him like that. “And what if the child is unable to see curses?” he sounded defeated. “What then, Y/N? What if you give birth to this baby and they lack the ability to see them? That baby would be the very thing Suguru hates.” You froze, it felt like someone had poured ice water down the back of your neck. “If he didn’t spare his own parents, he won’t spare his own child.” Satoru swallowed, looking like he wanted to say so much more but didn’t. He let the words hang there, heavy and dark. 

The silence stretched on between the two of you, mostly because you knew he was right. Just because both parents had the ability to see into the curse world and use curse energy, it didn’t guarantee that their offspring would also carry the same blessing. You blinked, hand subconsciously moving to rest over your stomach, as if it would do anything to protect them. “Suguru he… he wouldn’t…” Your words were weak and at that moment Satoru couldn’t bring himself to really fight with you. “But he would, y/n that’s the fucking issue, he would.” his voice was breaking, unsure if he should say what he wanted to say next. 

“Then what am I going to do?” You were going to dissolve, tears burning your eyes again as the harsh reality began to sink in. “Let me help you, let me help you raise the baby. I can easily provide for the two of you.” He turned to look at you now, eyes burning with such intensity it stole the air from your lungs. “What?” you hadn’t meant for it to sound offended, you were shocked to say the least, but still the hurt that flashed through his features made you feel the urge to reach out and hug him. “Satoru I didn’t mean for it to come out so harsh…” You moved forward, arms wrapping tightly around his neck and hugging him. 

It took a second but his arms came up to wrap around your middle, holding you tightly. “It’s okay, it was a bold statement to make so suddenly.” he soothed you when really you felt that you  should be the one soothing him. “No it’s fine, really it just caught me by surprise and…” you hugged him a little tighter, burying your face in his neck. For a moment you nearly stiffened, that was something you usually did to seek comfort from Suguru. In that moment, you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away, finding comfort in Satoru’s reassuring embrace. “You don’t have to answer me tonight.” He hushed you, hand coming up to smooth your hair as he kept you close. “I doubt you have an appetite now, how about we just sleep?” 

“I still need to shower.” You pulled away, laughing softly when you remembered what you had been in the process of doing before your world flipped. “Okay, then go and shower but please come back to me when you’re done.” His tone was quiet, something in it held no room for you to disagree. So, you let go of him reluctantly, nodding as you crawled over him to stand. “Again, you don’t have to answer me tonight, or tomorrow, or even next week. But please, think about what I said.” He stayed on his bed, watching you shakily grab the pregnancy test before heading for his door. “I will, Satoru. Keep my spot warm.” you smiled at him over your shoulder, heart still heavy as you disappeared through the open door. 

The hot water on your skin wasn’t enough to wash away the dread growing in your chest. You found your hands absentmindedly running along your abdomen, still finding it hard to believe something was there, something that would grow into a living breathing human in a few months time. A mix of you and Suguru, how strange. This wasn’t how you imagined it would happen, nor were these the feelings you expected to experience when the time came. If anything, it made you more upset. You should be happy, you should be fucking estatic. You should be basking in the euphoric state of knowing you’d be having a child with the man you adored. 

Instead, you had sobbed in the arms of his best friend, completely hysterical. And the man you loved had no idea you were even pregnant, that the very thing he wanted had been achieved and he wouldn’t even get to know. At least not yet. You had taken Satoru’s words into consideration, of course you did. But in the back of your mind, you knew there was no way you’d be able to go on with your life without ever telling Suguru. He would know, he would know of his child, you were already set on that. You twisted the knob, the water turning off a second later as you got out and dried yourself off a bit before wrapping the towel around you. 

Your body was aching from the events of the last few hours. Returning to Satoru’s room and sleeping in his warm bed sounded like heaven to you. Sleeping next to someone again felt like heaven to you. You had to wonder what Suguru would think if he knew you were sharing his best friend’s bed – albeit nothing sexual was occuring between the two of you. And even then, Suguru had broken up with you in that letter, you were technically no longer his. The thought made you feel sick as you reached for the clothing you had laid on your bed. You pulled the shorts on first, reaching for the oversized shirt second, trying to ignore the nausea building in your gut. 

You moved around your room without thinking, flicking the lights off before heading out the door and back down the hall. Satoru had changed into his own pajamas, hair damp from the shower he must have taken while you went to take yours. He only had his bedside lamp on, the pace beside him vacant and waiting for you. “Are you sure you don’t want food?” he questioned softly as you shut the door behind you. “I’ll eat a good breakfast if my morning sickness allows.” Those words felt foreign, referring to your nausea as morning sickness felt so bizarre. “Alright but if you wake up in the middle of the night starving don’t hesitate to wake me up.”

You laughed softly, huffing out an “okay” as you crawled over him and under the covers once more. Satoru pulled the blankets up over both of you before reaching over and flicking off the light. “Goodnight.” he spoke softly, settling into his bed as you rolled onto your side to get comfortable. “Night, Satoru.” You whispered back, eyes already feeling heavy, the comfort his bed offered was no match for the gnawing reality you were facing. For now, you were thankful for it. 

~

“Think fast!” You laughed, hurtling one of the poles directly in Satoru’s direction. He turned, using infinity to block it just before it hit his face. “Nice! Your reflexes are getting faster.” You picked up another weapon, Suguru was watching you intently, an easy smile on his face. “Sugu!” You called, aiming to throw another pole. “Think fast.” you repeated, arm going back before using every ounce of strength to beeline it straight at him. Suguru smiled, summoning a curse easily to deflect it. “Not bad.” you winked, watching him roll his eyes as the curse disappeared.

“Y’all are gross.” Satoru drawled, pushing his glasses up his nose. “We didn’t even say anything?” Suguru countered, stepping out of the shade and into the sun. “You don’t need to say anything, the tension is almost unbearable.” Shoko chimed, twirling her lighter around her fingers as she watched the three of you. This time you couldn’t help but laugh, letting Suguru close the distance and wrap an arm around your waist. “See, gross!” Satoru sighed dramatically as you kissed Suguru’s cheek. “It’s called being in love, something you wouldn’t get, Satoru.” You stuck your tongue out at him, laughing as he rolled his eyes. 

“Well if you’re gonna be all gross and lovey with one another, go do it in private.” 

“Okay.” 

You and Suguru spoke in unison, a shrill laugh leaving you as he bent down and hauled you up and over his shoulder. Naturally Shoko faked a gagging noise, watching as he carried you away with a smile. “They’re so gross.” Satoru commented again, eyes following the two of you until you were completely out of sight. Though, he couldn't deny the small smile tugging at his lips. 

“Suguru.” you slapped his back lightly, he was still carrying you over his shoulder even after entering the dorm buildings. “Hmm?” he paid you no mind as he climbed the stairs, his end destination would be your dorm room… more specifically your bed. “You can put me down now.” You knew he wouldn’t, so you opted for running your hands along his back, feeling his steps falter for a moment before composing himself. “I’ll put you down when I’m good and ready.” 

You rolled your eyes, playfully swatting at his ass. “Alright, that's it. You’re getting punished.” His words were very matter-of-fact, so much so that you couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “Okay dad.” Suguru didn’t miss a beat, stalking down the hallway towards your dorm room. “Yeah, I’m trying to become one so it would help me out if you cooperated.” You made a strangled noise, it had been three weeks since Suguru admitted to wanting to get you pregnant. Needless to say, he wasn’t giving up any time soon. 

“You just want a reason to fuck me.” You tried to counter, jumping a bit as he pushed into your dorm room and kicked the door closed behind him. “I don’t need a reason to fuck you, baby.” You couldn't describe the noise you made, whiplash taking over as he tossed you onto your bed. “I guess that’s true…” You pushed up on your elbows, watching him pull his white shirt up and over his head, knocking his hair out of his bun in the process. “You’ll be good for me right?” He was dropping to his knees before you, a gentle plea of his name leaving your lips.

“Atta girl.” he murmured, warm fingers hooking in the waistband of your shorts and pulling them down. You watched him with parted lips, watching the way his eyes observed you. “Already wet? How fucking filthy.” his hands splayed along your thighs, pushing them wide open so he could really look at you. “Just because I picked you up? Or maybe it was from wrapping my arms around your waist?” He teased, pulling one hand from your thigh to spread your cunt open instead. “Tell me, pretty girl… what has you so worked up already?” 

“All of it.” You’re breathless as you look at him, no shame in your eyes as you admit how badly you want him. Suguru smiled, fingers keeping you spread as he watched the arousal pool at your entrance. “All of it, hmm? I make you that horny?” His tone was light but the look in his eyes was anything but. You could feel him devouring you whole. “Yeah, you fucking do.” You tried to keep your hips still, praying he’d do something other than watch you grow wetter by the second. “Tell me something, would you?” he pulled his eyes away to meet yours. 

“Anything.” You comment softly, waiting to hear what he had to say. Suguru smiled, fighting the urge to reach up and tuck some of your hair behind your ear. “Tell me what you want me to do to you.” His voice was barely a whisper, pupils blown wide as he looked at you. You audibly groan, face feeling warm as your head falls back. “Eat me out, Suguru.” You drawl, no longer embarrassed by the things he makes you say. “As you wish.” He couldn’t even tease you for such an honest answer. Suguru’s head dipped lower, tongue licking up your inner thighs, teeth grazing the skin eagerly. 

“Sugu…” You whined out, his lips growing closer to your aching cunt. “... can I suck you off after?” 

Suguru’s whole body jolted as you uttered those words, mouth moving to lick and suck along your folds as his honest answer. You took that as a yes. You couldn’t help but squirm as his hands began kneading the flesh of your thighs, all the while his tongue was lapping at your cunt. Each movement sent electricity up your spine, one hand shakily reaching out to hold his head as his lips wrapped around your pulsating clit. “Oh fuck… Suguru…” you were embarrassed by how quickly he had learned to make you cum, the pressure already building in your gut. 

He didn’t slow, rather he slipped two fingers into your slick entrance and scissored them in time with his sucking. He loved to put on a show for you, going as far as to slurp your juices just so he could hear you cry out. You couldn’t think straight when his tongue was wiggling against your clit, stopping every few seconds to suck until your back arched. Suguru continued this until he felt your fingers tighten in his hair, pulling harsh as your moans turned into breathy gasps. He pulled away with a slick pop, smiling deviously as your head shot up to glare at him. “Suguru!” You wailed, letting go of his hair angrily. 

“Not yet, I don’t want you coming yet.”  

“No fucking fair!” you whined, head falling back against the mattress in defeat. “So selfish.” Suguru laughed as he pushed himself off the floor, now making a show of pulling the rest of his clothing off. “There goes your chances at getting head.” you chided, watching as that shit eating grin remained on his lips. “You think this is funny!” you whined again, the echoes of your denied orgasm making you close your thighs to try and alleviate the pressure. Suguru watched you, cock throbbing as he kicked his pants off the rest of the way and tossed them to the side. 

“I do think it’s funny, mostly because you look so cute when you’re so worked up.” his hands wrapped around himself, pumping languidly as you spread your thighs again, eager for more. Suguru smirked, always defiant until his cock was out. “Nah baby, I don’t think you deserve this right now.” he continued to stroke himself, head falling back just a bit as his own aching arousal was finally being relieved. “Sugu…” you choked out in a hushed whisper, mouth watering as he let out a breathy sigh, fingers toying with the sensitive tip. You were regretting your earlier statement. 

“Sugu…” you spoke softly, watching him lift one leg to plant his foot on the mattress, hand still gliding along his shaft as his jaw slackened. He ignored you, continuing to get himself off. He was waiting for you to do something, that realization had you pushing yourself up, pulling your shirt up and over your head and tossing it to the ground. You pulled your legs off the side of the bed, maneuvering yourself until you sat on your knees before him. “Let me suck you off.” breathless, hands folded neatly on your lap as you waited for his response. 

Suguru smiled at you, watching the mattress move as your hips squirmed. “I thought you said the chances of me getting head were gone.” he teased, hand massaging just before the head of his cock, making his own voice falter as he spoke to you. “I never said that.” which was kind of true, you didn’t say those exact words. Suguru cocked an eyebrow, unable to maintain his stern demeanor as your tongue moved to wet your lips, eyes completely focused on his fist. “Please, your hand is so boring Suguru, especially when you could have my mouth.” you tried again, eyes sliding up his torso, admiring the dips and plains of his muscles. 

“When you put it like that, it’s hard to say no.” he murmured softly, letting his cock go. You scooted closer, until your knees were nearly off the edge of the mattress. “Thank you.” You whispered softly, watching his face flush a shade of pink, eyes quickly looking away from you to try and regain some sort of composure. The first touch was always enough to make him weak in the knees, your tongue gliding gently over his weeping tip before lowering to the underside of his shaft. He met your eyes, face still flushed as you looked at him with such adoration. All the while your mouth was doing sinful things to him, your duality was enough to induce whiplash. 

His fingers came up to rake through your hair, guiding you as your jaw slackened, head moving to engulf him in the wet heat your mouth had to offer. “Oh fuck…” Suguru choked when you didn’t stop moving, throat constricting as your nose brushed the unruly mess of black hair at his base. You held yourself there, drool dripping down your chin as your cheeks hollowed. Slowly you dragged yourself back, watching the shiny coat of saliva covering his shaft in your wake. You repeated those motions, finding a comfortable place to bob your head at, his length heavy on your tongue. “So good for me… fuck you’re so good for me… I don’t know what I did to deserve you…” 

You merely hummed, ignoring the slow but steady ache building in your jaw as your hand moved along his shaft. You could tell he was starting to really feel it, his cock twitching every few motions, head tilted back as his eyes fluttered shut. You had to admit you were impressed he managed to stay on his feet. Most times, when Suguru dared to eat you out while you were standing, you were nearly a dead weight in his grasp by the end. The only thing keeping you up was the wall he stuffed you against and his shoulders because he tossed your legs over them. You stopped when you felt him twitching violently, jaw clenched tight as his head shot forward to look down at you.

“Gonna make me cum, pretty girl.” He choked out, hands cupping your cheeks to guide you as you moved your head again. Your hands shot out, holding his thighs tightly as you let him use your head how he pleased, guiding you to a pace that made your eyes water before he stilled all together. You forced yourself to relax as Suguru spilled down your throat, letting you greedily swallow all of it before pulling off of him with a lewd pop. “Fuck…” he nearly fell into the bed, dick still hard as he crawled onto the matress with you. “How about we do this…” he sounded breathless, laying on his side and guiding you to do the same. You knew what he wanted, swollen lips parting as you sighed, settling with your back just barely touching his front. 

You let Suguru grab one leg, lifting it up slowly to create enough space for himself. “Lazy boy…” You teased over your shoulder, letting his arm hook under your neck, large hand resting on your chest. “Maybe I am, but you fucking love it.” You couldn’t complain, not when he was angling his hips and pressing the weeping tip of his cock at your entrance. He pressed into you, adjusting both of your bodies until he found a comfortable position to properly rut his hips into you. All you could do is let him, whining loudly as he split you open, stuffing you full. “How’s that, hmm? Does it feel good?” Suguru whispered against your ear, panting as your walls constricted around him and tried to push him out at the very same time. “F-feels so good…so good…” You whined loudly. 

Suguru didn’t give you a verbal response after that, instead focusing all of his attention on finding a good rhythm to fuck you too. You couldn’t stop the noises that spilled past your lips, each drag of his cock in and out of your heat was enough to make your vision blurry. It took everything in you to at least keep your head up, tilted downwards to watch where he disappeared and reappeared between your legs.  “Suguru…” a breathless plea, one that turned into a steady mantra as all you could think about was him and what he was doing to you. Had you not been so overwhelmed you would have heard his quiet grunts of praise each time your bodies connected. 

Suguru watched a shaky hand slide down your front, in your whimpering daze you managed to slip two fingers down there to rub sloppy circles on your clit. “Gonna cum, aren’t ya?” Suguru gasped, his cock twitching violently as your cunt suctioned to him, nearly making his thrusts falter. “Y-yeah…” you managed to get out, no longer having the strength to keep your head up. You let it fall, resting snuggly in the crook of the arm he was using to support you. “Then come for me, pretty girl. I wanna feel you come all over my cock… then maybe I’ll fill you up, yeah? You’d love that…” you responded with a loud whine, walls fluttering around his length each time he pushed it back in. 

“There we go, come for me.” He encouraged again, warm breath ghosting the shell of your ear and earning a shiver in response. You could feel it, the aching build of a damn that was on the verge of breaking, every breath you made was nothing but a labored pant. Your heart was beating erratically, just as you were about to fall over the edge, Suguru gasped. You couldn’t help but gasp with him, his release pumping into you, hot and sticky. “F-fuck sorry…” he grounded out, his own orgasm sneaking up on him and completely catching you by surprise. Not that it mattered to you, that strained and embarrassed apology was all you needed before you felt yourself coming as well. 

You both essentially collapsed, Suguru holding you tightly as he angled himself to remain inside of you, to keep his cum inside of you. “You okay?” he mumbled softly, hand lazily reaching for the one you had used to rub your clit and bring it to your lips. You whined as he popped the shiny fingers in his mouth, cleaning them with his tongue. “Yeah, I'm good…great really.” You chuckled, eyelids feeling heavy as he hummed. “Good.” he mumbled softly, pulling your fingers from his mouth to kiss them gingerly. “You know I love you, right?” Suguru’s voice was tender, so tender it nearly pulled the air out of your lungs. “Yeah, of course I know that Sugu… you know I love you too, right?” 

“I know.” was all he said in reply, you had to wonder why he was suddenly so sentimental. Suguru was typically softer with you after sex, aftercare was one of his specialties. But something about his tone felt different, something about his question felt like there was more meaning behind it. You had been noticing the bags under his eyes for the last few weeks, but every time you asked he always brushed you off. “Is everything okay?” you tried to turn your head to look back at him, but the angle he had you in proved to make movement difficult. “Mmhmm, just want to make sure you’re okay.” but he hadn’t  been that rough with you. “Yeah, I’m okay… but you haven’t answered me.” He stopped kissing your hand, setting it down gently as he moved to kiss your shoulder. 

“I haven’t?” 

“I asked you if you were okay.”

“Well, I did answer you. I said yes.” he didn’t sound offended, more or less he sounded amused. “Mmhmm isn’t a yes, Suguru.” You, on the other hand, sounded a little less enthused. “I’m okay, baby. Is that better.” you couldn’t see it but you could hear the smile on his lips. “Yeah, that’s better.” But for some reason, you couldn’t shake the worry clinging to your heart. 

~

“Hey… hey…” you woke with a gasp, eyes wet as you tried to remember where you were. “You okay? You started crying in your sleep again.” A worried but groggy voice was speaking to you, one that was familiar but your brain couldn’t seem to catch up. “Y/N? It’s me, it’s Satoru.” There it was, you nearly fell back into the pillow with relief as he spoke. “Shit I’m sorry… I was dreaming and it just… fuck it felt so real. I couldn’t remember where I was…” you wiped your eyes, slowly adjusting to the dark room again. “It’s okay… you’ve been dreaming a lot.” Satoru sighed, he remembered you saying that your nights had been pretty dreamless for the last three weeks so why was that changing now? 

“I know… it just started happening too. Maybe it's because of the baby.”

Your hand lowered to your stomach, palm resting flatley against it. You still couldn’t process the fact that there was something in there, something that was growing, a mix of you and him. “Can pregnancy make you dream more?” Satoru chuckled, blue eyes shifting to read his alarm clock. It was just past four in the morning. You had slept pretty well until a few minutes ago. He had been watching you, woken up by your body growing restless. He woke you up the moment he heard you start to sniffle. “I dunno, maybe.” you sighed, eyes feeling heavy again. “Sorry for waking you, Toru.” You didn’t hear the way his breath hitched, your yawn effectively shutting it all out. 

You hadn’t called him by that nickname in weeks, he hadn’t really realized how much he missed it. “Don’t apologize, I told you to stop that.” Not stern, just tired, he wanted you to go back to normal but he knew that was impossible. Things would never go back to how they were. “Oh, yeah… I guess you have told me that.” You chuckle, turning on your side to face him in the dark. “I won’t apologize for forgetting this time, okay?” You grinned, eyes closing and unaware that he was able to see it in the dark. “Okay.” He sighed, a grin creeping up his own face as he let his eyes shut again. Hopefully you’d sleep through to his alarm at 8:30am, you had a busy day ahead. 

~END OF PART ONE~

Thank you for reading! I hope you look forward to part 2 <3333

Likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated ;3

[heliads]

I love you writing and I was hoping you could write Ben Florian x VK!Reader the reader is Lefou's kid. A soulmate AU where the negative things you think about yourself are marked on your soulmate's skin. Reader only has one or two things because Ben is from Auradon and has a good life and family. While Ben has around half a dozen. Reader is the one who gives Ben the love potion. During the lake scene they notice Ben is their soulmate and tries (but fails) to hide it thinking he deserves better

masterlist

There really is no good place for a prince. They are political figureheads in every sense of the phrase— too young to actually rule, too old to be allowed to skip state functions. They sit in corners of expensive meetings and cut ribbons in front of newly opened buildings, but they can’t do a whole lot except smile and pose. 

Shame your friend seems so fixated on capturing one, then. It feels like you’ve just barely left the Isle of the Lost, only bid farewell to the entirety of your prior life experience hours ago, and yet already Mal is scheming about how to best tear down everything around you. If Prince Ben is the best way to fulfill her nefarious plans, then so be it.

The only problem is that you’re now involved in all of this, too. Mal wants a wand and so she’ll take a prince to get there, but as one of her best friends, you’ve been drafted into the plot to catch a prince. Ben won’t have any idea what’s coming. Shame, he would probably run if he had any clue.

Mal’s good at covering her tracks, though, she always has been. You can remember elaborate plans from when you were much younger to steal cookies or cloaks, spellbooks and shoes. At this point, hearing Mal tell you that she’s going to bewitch the crown prince of Auradon into falling in love with her shouldn’t surprise you, just the fact that she’s taken this long to come up with the idea.

Usually, you have no problem going along with Mal’s little adventures. They’re entertaining, at the least, a good way to pass a few days when you’ve already gone over every alleyway and hiding place on the Isle at least a dozen times in the last month. The issue is that you’re not on the Isle anymore, and maybe– just maybe– disrupting everything here isn’t entirely what you want to do.

Mal doesn’t know this, of course. None of your fellow VKs do. Every time they monologue and moan about how they can’t wait to get out of this place, you find yourself holding your tongue, biting back your real thoughts about how the school isn’t actually as bad as you feared. Sure, the constant judgment from the other children of princes and princesses isn’t all that fun, but Auradon Prep has its positives, too. For one thing, you think your soulmate might be here.

What a terrible thing for the child of a villain to prioritize. You’ve heard Mal scoff at the idea of a soulmate, and although Evie is certainly more interested in the idea than some of your other friends, you’re still not sure that you’d find a welcome audience amongst their ranks when it comes to tracking down your soulmate. After all, the odds of that soulmate being from Auradon and not the Isle are pretty high. They’ve all but told you that themselves.

All things considered, for a society with such control over magic and spells, it’s pretty difficult to find your soulmate. You’d always wondered why those in charge couldn’t shorten the whole affair to something more simple– a name on the wrist, perhaps, or an invisible string that only the two of you could see– but instead, soulmate magic went the complicated route. How lovely.

The story about the origin of the soulmate magic is convoluted and ancient, going back generations and changing with each family. The general consensus is that soulmates were created to preserve the sanctity of true love, with the idea that soulmates should be able to love each other entirely, flaws and all. So, when you think something negative about yourself, those very same thoughts will show up on the skin of your soulmate, something like a warning label for what they’re going to get themselves into.

This is all well and good for people with few negative thoughts, maybe they’ll have something here and there about a bad sports result or a poor test grade that their soulmate can chuckle over before meeting them. For you, though? You, the child of a villain, cursed to live forever on a too-small island with the other convicts and criminals, you have had more fears and hated things about yourself than most. Your soulmate must be covered in unhappy musings, which only makes you feel worse about yourself than before. A self-perpetuating cycle of the worst kind.

By contrast, the startling absence of your soulmate’s negative thoughts on your own skin makes you certain that they couldn’t be from the Isle of the Lost. There are only one or two fears on your skin, proof of loving parents and a stable home, and they’re minor things like a bad hair day or a fear of not doing their absolute best. These change, often leaving every few months to be replaced by something else insignificant.

What makes you most certain that your soulmate is the child of a royal is the one negative thought that has stayed on your skin since the very beginning. Your soulmate, whoever they are, is terrified that they will let down the king and queen. Only someone with close ties to the royalty could have such a fear, so it’s proof that your soulmate is somewhere here on Auradon.

So maybe you don’t want to leave this place, not yet. Not until you can learn who your soulmate is. It’ll be almost impossible to track them down on this information alone, but supposedly that’s how the whole thing is supposed to work. You learn about the worst parts of your soulmate, and then you get to love the best of them. The only problem is that you’re fairly sure that if your soulmate is a royal, they won’t want to love you at all.

It’s easier to ignore the whole affair. Easier to agree to Mal’s plan when she proposes enchanting Prince Ben. At least another one of your friend’s schemes will keep your mind off the soulmate affair.

That’s what you tell yourself, at least, but your conscience is starting to get steadily more vocal as the days go by. Ben is a nice guy, which hurts, surprisingly. Although the love spell may have been cast on Mal, as one of Mal’s closest friends, you’re around the two of them all the time. The boy you see is someone that you wish could be your soulmate. He may be a prince, and you may be a villain, but he makes you want to believe in love after all.

You certainly have the capacity for such musings. For some reason, the love spell didn’t take all that well, and although Ben is now compelled to stay with Mal more than he was before, it’s not like he’s totally obsessed with her as Mal had hoped. Mal claims it’s because love spells can never work fully due to the soulmate issue, like having a soulmate is a kind of shield to protect you against that sort of enchantment, but regardless, Ben has just enough independent thought that he can tell you jokes and try to make you smile like– well, like he tries to do with Mal.

The realization that Ben is a genuinely good person, and worse, someone you don’t want to trick, haunts you as you fall further into Mal’s scheme. You’ve been trying to push the whole thing from your mind, letting Ben join your soulmate in the depths of your mind you don’t want to touch, but your train of thought keeps circling back to him despite your best attempts otherwise.

Besides, it doesn’t help that Mal keeps trying to involve you in the plot. Right now, the two of them are at the Enchanted Lake, out on a cute little date. Mal had been making mock disgusted faces at you the whole time she was getting ready, but some part of yourself can’t stop whispering that this doesn’t seem so bad, actually, that the thought of being out here alone with Ben would make for a wonderful day instead of the tedious chore Mal is making it out to be.

Ben doesn’t know you’re here, though. Mal wanted backup in case something happened, so you’re lingering in the woods to keep anyone from stumbling upon the scene and also holding onto more magical baked goods in case Mal feels the need to renew the spell. It’s kind of like torture, strolling through this beautiful forest, knowing that Ben is so close and you are helping hold him under the thrall of this plot.

The storm in your mind must be thundering too loudly for you to think straight, because you lose track of yourself and accidentally walk too close to the lake. You weren’t supposed to be spotted, but before you can back away and melt back into the foliage, Ben looks up and sees you. You panic, immediately heading the way you’d come, but you hear footsteps after you moments later and Ben manages to track you down before you can go too far. Mal is so going to kill you for messing with her plan.

“Sorry,” you murmur, eyes wide when he finally catches up to you, “I didn’t realize the two of you were– I’ll go now.”

Ben shakes his head. “No, no, it’s alright. It’s not like we have a monopoly on the woods.”

He’s dripping water, most likely due to a recent dip in the lake, and you can’t seem to stop your gaze from following the path of the droplets as they cascade down his shoulders, across his hands, and, most importantly of all, over the swooping letters of the fears of his soulmates. 

Usually, Ben wears long sleeves or something else to hide them. You can see why now– there are many of them, many more than you, perhaps half a dozen in all. You can’t read all of them from where you’re standing, just snippets about how a villain’s kid shouldn’t have a soulmate, how they’ll never amount to much, things like that. Things like what you’ve been thinking recently.

Ben must catch on to your train of thought, because he smiles weakly, absentmindedly scratching at a sentence proclaiming that his soulmate isn’t worth the good luck they get. “Yeah, my soulmate’s a little stressed, I guess. Hopefully, I can talk about that with them soon. I want them to know that they’re worth it, wherever they are.”

It had never occurred to you that hating yourself would make your soulmate this obsessed. You have no proof that Ben is your soulmate but– 

But, as you watch, you can see a new fear appearing out of nowhere, wrapping itself around Ben’s left wrist. I’m not good enough for a soulmate this good. Just what you were thinking mere moments ago. It’s like proof.

Ben looks up slowly, and although you were never blessed with the ability to read minds, you swear you can tell exactly what he’s thinking right now. “Are you–” he starts, ends, tries again, “Do you know who your soulmate is?”

You can do several things at this moment. You can confirm what you’re mostly sure is true, you can lie, you can pretend you hadn’t heard him. You spot movement in the trees behind him, a flash of purple, and remember belatedly that Mal is still somewhere at the Enchanted Lake, waiting for Ben to come back and wondering why you’re holding him here for so long.

All of a sudden, the reality of the situation comes crashing down around your shoulders. This is not something that can happen. Ben is a prince. You are the child of a villain, and the friend of another VK who’s counting on you to continue fooling Ben so she can pursue her latest mad plan. There is no world in which this works out.

So, you force a smile, banishing all thoughts back into the deep recesses of your brain once more. “No,” you say, “I don’t know. I think they’re a VK, though.”

Ben’s face falls in a flash. “Really? Because I thought–”

You shake your head quickly. “I don’t– it’s not me. I think Mal is waiting for you, though. You shouldn’t keep her for long.”

Ben glances back over his shoulder in memory of the girl he’s left somewhere in the woods behind him, and when he looks back, you’re gone. You’re good at running. It’s a skill you’ve perfected over the years. You just never thought you’d have to use it now.

Prince Ben is your soulmate. Impossible. True. Mal comes back later that afternoon, tells you the date went splendidly despite your accidental intrusion. Ben must not have let the brief moment in the woods faze him for long. It hurts more than you care to admit.

There is only so much running a VK can do, try as they might to pretend otherwise. You avoid Ben at all costs, hoping that whatever foolish war is currently being fought inside your heart will come to a tolerable ceasefire if you just ignore it long enough. Mal tells you that the plan is going swimmingly, she’s never seen the prince more excited about the VKs and the upcoming coronation. You nod and smile and tell her that you’re glad everything is going to plan, but inside, you cannot seem to stop your mind from screaming. 

And then, all of a sudden, despite your best attempts to remain out of sight, Prince Ben finds you. It’s completely out of the blue, so casual that you almost don’t realize it’s happening until he’s sitting down at your table in the library and it’s too late to run. 

You feel like an animal caught in a trap. He’s just smiling like nothing is the matter. “I know it’s you,” he says by way of hello. 

Your heart is stuck in your throat. “What?”

“I know it’s you,” Ben repeats, “I know you’re my soulmate. I had the Fairy Godmother do a little spell so I could check for you, but I think I knew since that day at the lake.”

You frown. “You can do that?”

He shrugs, looking a little embarrassed. “Not everyone can, I think. But I, uh, insisted.”

You grin. “Prince privileges?”

“Something like that.” He’s smiling, though, maybe pleased that you’re not trying to run off this time. “But you knew even without the spell, didn’t you?”

That does shake your uncertain sense of calm. “Yes,” you admit, “but I didn’t think you— I didn’t think it would work out.”

The look on Ben’s face is genuinely heartbreaking. “What, just because I’m a prince?”

He says it so casually, it’s almost funny. “Yes, Ben, because you’re a prince and I’m a VK. I mean, my dad was Lefou. He literally tried to ruin the happy ever after of your parents, why would you want someone like me to be your soulmate?”

“Same reason you shouldn’t be afraid to want me. You’re not your father, Y/N, and I’m not my parents. We’re just us, and I know that I want you to be my soulmate. I have since the start. I was hoping you would tell me you knew, but after a few days went by and you still said nothing, I figured I had to take matters into my own hands. Even if that meant using a spell or two.”

You keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to laugh in your face and tell you it’s ridiculous to think that he would ever want a VK as a soulmate, but he doesn’t. In fact, you don’t think he ever will. As impossible as it seems, Ben wants someone who isn’t from a perfect fairy tale. He wants you. And that, lovely and wonderful and absolutely crazy, sounds like a fairly good happily ever after for you. 

disney tag list: @rogueanschel, @lovesanimals0000, @mayfieldss, @eclliipsed

[tojisbbg]

𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙢𝙮 𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙚

❝call out my name when i kiss you so gently.❞  

♡ uzui tengen ♡ 

a/n: first demon slayer piece!! i picked up the anime after a long time and i forgot how horrendously down bad i was for this man. 

a/n (cont.): also! my apologies if tengen’s a bit out of character, i tried my best lol. this writing piece is very long because i don’t believe in porn without plot, i need plot and context. word count is stated below!

word count: 12.2k

content: uzui tengen x fem!reader, tengen isn’t married, reader is one of the hashiras, enemies to lovers, minor plot (if you squint), spoilers (sorry), lots of teasing and bickering, smut smut smut!!, all acts are consensual, not edited for grammatical errors.

...

“god, i hate these uniforms.” you groaned in annoyance, shuddering as the soft skin of mitsuri’s fingers grazed your chest while she helped you button up. the girl giggled at your daily complaint. 

it was true, you truly hated these god awful uniforms that were provided to you by the demon slayer corps. the shirts were so tight, you’d think that the manufacturers forgot how human anatomy works and that everyone’s body isn’t the same. 

needless to say, the shirt didn’t fit your chest, so you’d had to go with the mitsuri-style of wearing your uniform. 

“hm, well, now whose fault is it for having these huge tits?” she shamelessly asked, poking your boobs jokingly, which made your cheeks burn. 

“hey! it’s not like i personally asked the gods to give me them. besides, you have them too!” you defended, averting from her teasing eyes. 

“yeah, but i’m proud of having these babies. anyways, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. they sit so nice and pretty, if i was a guy, i think i would purposely hug you face first on your chest.” mitsuri smirked, making you gasp as you playfully landed a smack on her upper arm. 

“mitsuri! geez, you’re such a little perv.” you said as you squished her cheeks, making her laugh as the sound was contagious enough to make you crack a smile.  

you love mitsuri with all your heart, she’s the ball of sunshine in your life that you needed. you’ve been a hashira for about two years now and she was your first friend and now your best friend. 

it’s important to mention that you were very disliked in the demon slayer corps at first. the other hashiras, such as sanemi, obanai and giyuu didn’t speak to you for months because you were taken in for a hashira position so quickly. 

less than a week to be exact. 

the amount of skill that you have is almost inhumane and was never seen before. you were given the position without any prior training or requirements. 

after all, you took an upper moon down by yourself, which was pretty impressive for a first timer who claims to have no experience. 

nonetheless, mitsuri and rengoku were your only friends. you have a huge soft spot for both of them, but after the incident that occurred in the mugen train, both you and mitsuri went down a pretty dark path. 

but, you made sure to comfort her as much as she did to you. you both have each other and you swore to protect her just like how she did to you. 

you both were platonic soulmates without a doubt. 

“y/n!” you heard tanjiro’s voice behind you, making both you and mitsuri turn around. 

“oh, ‘jiro!” you flashed him a smile as you waved at the redhead. 

“the crow spoke to me this morning, we got assigned a new mission.” he said eagerly, panting a little, which indicated that he probably ran around in circles to find you. you hummed in response, ruffling his hair. 

“ah, so you’re with me. inosuke and zenitsu are on it too, i assume?” you questioned, accepting the cup of green tea that mitsuri handed you as you took a sip. 

“yup, and also mr. tengen.” tanjiro nodded with a nervous smile. you choked on your tea, coughing as mitsuri patted your back. 

“what?! why is he coming??” you yelled, making tanjiro’s eyes widen as he gulped. 

“u-uhm, it’s ‘cause i heard that we’re fighting an upper rank six. the more help we get, the better.” he tried to calm you down, but the information he relayed only angered you further. 

“huh?! do those shitty higher ups think that i can’t kill an upper moon myself without that cocky bitch?!” you raised your voice, eyes glaring in the distance as tanjiro gasped. 

“n-no! y/n, you got it all wrong! i di-”

“i’m gonna have a word with those stupid hags.” you spat out angrily, marching off before you felt tanjiro wrap himself behind you in an attempt to halt your movements. 

“let go, tanjiro. i’m not going on a mission with that stupid freak.” you tried to desperately peel yourself away from his hold, but tanjiro’s hold was tight. 

“please, y/n! why don’t you understand that this is not the time for your pride or his pride to get in the way. inosuke and zenitsu already suffered from minor injuries because mr. tengen lashed out from hearing about you joining the mission.” tanjiro informed, making you scoff. 

“that arrogant little shit. i’m gonna kill him for sure now!” you exclaimed, making tanjiro cry out as he begged mitsuri to help him cage you inside the room. 

“y/n! please, just listen! after losing one of the hashiras already, we need to be sure that we don’t lose another. i don’t want to lose you or mr. tengen. so, please, just try to get along with him or you can just stay with me and the other two.” he suggested, and as much as you hated the idea of being stuck with tengen, you adored tanjiro like a little brother and saying ‘no’ to him was pretty hard. you let out a heavy sigh in defeat.

“fine, but if he pisses me off, i’m gonna slice his throat with my blade.” you threatened, making tanjiro’s face turn pale as he let out a nervous laugh. 

“everything will be fine, y/n. don’t worry.” tanjiro assured, but you didn’t pay mind to his words because it will go down like how it usually does when you get placed together with tengen. 

with you both at each other's neck, of course.

“hmm, i think you secretly like tengen, y/n.” mitsuri flashed you a mischievous grin, making your jaw drop to the ground. 

“did you not hear about me wanting to execute his murder literally a few minutes ago?” you asked in disbelief, wondering if your best friend was okay in the head. however, the two-toned hair colored woman simply laughed at your words. 

“you both quarrel like an old married couple.” she giggled, making you let out a fake gag in response.

“disgusting, i’d rather marry obanai’s snake than him.” you retorted, making mitsuri gasp from your obnoxious words. 

“you’re crazy!” mitsuri looked at you with wide eyes. 

“no, you’re crazy for even thinking that i wanna even breathe the same air as that shithead!” you sneered, making mitsuri scoff. 

“don’t be silly, he’s totally your type. you told me that you like tall guys, more on the muscular side, extroverted to fit your opposite personality and someone who’s very sexy.” she smirked, watching how a deep blush tinted your cheeks as your lips twitched, trying to formulate words to defend yourself. 

“i was not referring to him!” you quickly blurted out, walking ahead as you wanted to leave the conversation. 

“mhm, whatever helps you sleep at night.” mitsuri said as she ran up to you, linking her arm with yours as you rolled your eyes. 

“shut up, i don’t like tengen. he’s an arrogant jackass that pisses me off.” you grumbled under your breath. 

“i’m a what now, princess?” you suddenly heard a deep voice coming from behind you, making you yelp from how startled you were. 

“what the fuck is wrong with you?! can’t you let your presence be known, creep.” you glared at him, mitsuri happily greeting the giant as you ignored his presence. 

“creep? no, no, no. you must be mistaken. i am the god of festivals, the flashiest being on the planet, and the best of the best!! i also happen to have very good ears to hear a certain little rat talk ill of my superior being.” tengen cockily gave his speech, making you groan in irritation. 

“spit out one more word and i swear i’m gonna rip your tongue out.” you threatened in a low voice, to which didn’t scare the 6′6ft man, as he only gave you a chuckle in response to mock your attempt of being intimidating. 

“what was that? i couldn’t quite hear you from down there. it just sounds like squeak squeak squeak i’m stupid squeak squeak lord tengen is the best squeak squeak!” he said in a very obnoxious and annoying fake high-pitched voice, making your blood boil as you turned around to face him. 

“you little shit!” you yelled, before lunging at him and jumping to cling on his very inconveniently tall body. your actions caught tengen by surprise, quickly placing an arm on your hips to make sure that you don’t fall on your ass. 

“i said that i’m gonna kill you if you don’t shut up, uzui tengen!!” you said in a louder voice, closer to his face as you harshly pinched his cheeks. 

“ouch, ouch! it hurts, y/n!!” tengen whined, trying his best to release himself from your deathly grip. 

“good, that was the whole point.” you grinned in satisfaction, sticking your tongue out at him. 

“look at you being so close to my face and with your tongue out too. you wanna french kiss me that bad, princess?” tengen teased, making you immediately pull your hands and face back to create distance between you both, your face scrunching up in disgust. 

“as i said before, i’d rather kiss kaburamaru than you, freak!” you quickly defend, trying to slip away from his embrace, but tengen only tightened his hold on you. 

“hmm, i don’t think i’ll let you goo~.” he sang out, making you cry out to your friends to help you escape the beefy man’s hold. 

“they’re definitely in love, right tanjiro?” mitsuri asked the boy who was standing next to her and witnessing the entire thing. 

“oh, for sure. i’m a strong shipper of y/n x mr. tengen.” tanjiro responded, making mitsuri squeal. 

“oh my, me too!! let’s start our little club and play cupid with them.” she eagerly suggested, making tanjiro laugh and nod. 

you were finally able to peel yourself away from tengen, which was not as easy done as said, but you somehow did it. you threw a sharp glare at tanjiro and mitsuri who were giggling at god knows what while you just battled death. you stomped over to them before crossing your arms over your chest. 

“you traitors.” you spat out, making the both of them grow silent as they side eyed each other, trying to contain their laughter. 

“sorry, y/n, but tengen is strong for us too. we wouldn’t be much of a help.” mitsuri said, which was a total lie that both you and her knew, but you were too tired to argue. 

“ugh, whatever. ‘jiro, get inosuke and zenitsu to meet up with us in front of the gates. it’s almost sunset, so we should start moving.” you instructed the scar-faced boy, making him nod as he obliged. 

you turned around, about to walk off, only to be spun back around before getting pulled into a bone crushing hug. you let out a heavy sigh, already knowing the words that would come towards you now. 

“hey!! you jerk, don’t just walk off without telling me goodbye. tch, you better come back to me in one piece, alright? i have to braid your hair tonight, so you must come back. i know i tell you this before every mission, but i really love you, y/n. you’re my best friend, and i can’t lose you. so, don’t be stubborn. if you need help, then ask the others, okay idiot?” mitsuri softly spoke, her squeeze on you tightening with every word. 

your heart melted as you returned her hug, a smile forming on your lips. no one in this entire universe would be able to describe the bond that you both had as it ran too deep to even measure. 

“i love you too, mitsuri. how can i leave you when i still have to attend your and obanai’s wedding, hm? i’ll be back home tonight, in one piece, i promise.” you assured her, looking into her gentle green eyes that held so much adoration for you. 

she was the love hashira after all. 

“i know you will, y/n. you’re a strong little thing and i believe in you.” she gave you a warm smile before you both pulled away. 

both you and tengen waved mitsuri goodbye before taking off. needless to say, tengen’s serious mode is quite enjoyable because he finally shuts up. 

---

“yeah? well, maybe if you weren’t such a manwhore, then you’d probably have a wife right now.”

“are you jealous that i can pull bitches and that you can’t?”

“i could have a whole harem full of men if i wanted to.”

“but would they offer to be your husband?”

“...”

“then we’re equals!”

“i would never want to be your equal, that’s just me disrespecting myself.”

“excuse me?! i am the god of fe-”

tengen was rudely cutt-off midway his sentence as the ceiling broke down, his hands instinctively pulling you towards him as your back collided with his hard chest. there were multiple screams coming from everywhere as the commoners looked horrified. 

“huh, i guess finding our little friend tonight wasn’t as hard as we thought.” you sneered, walking further in to find the source of all of this commotion. 

your eyes widened as you saw tanjiro on the ground struggling to tame nezuko who was in her full demon form. however, tegen seemed more surprised than you because this was his first time witnessing it. 

“damn, what a flashy way to demonize your sister.” tengen said in awe as the poor girl was out of her mind and clawing at the air. 

“holy shit, then we’ve come pretty late. you look very beat up, ‘jiro.” you said with apologetic eyes, taking note of how tired he looked as he panted and was covered in some blood. 

“yeah, the demon’s pretty strong. she- nezuko please! just go to sleep!” tanjiro begged, tears pooling in his eyes as you felt useless since you had no solution for him. 

“take her outside in a safe place and try to think of something that would bring her mind back to something that is close to her. maybe like a song or tune that your mother used to sing. we got this from here.” you gave him a small smile, making him nod his head as he quickly grabbed a hold of nezuko before leaving. 

“hey!! why aren’t you guys paying attention to me!” you heard a high-pitched voice yell, making both your and tengen’s head turn. 

“god, your voice is so annoying, it nearly made my ears bleed.” you grimaced, taking a look at the female in front of you. it was the demon that tanjiro was talking about, but she looked so... weak?

“huh?! you dare to say that to me, you ugly looking shit!” she angrily remarked, making you giggle. 

“of course, if i were you, i wouldn’t even need a demon slayer to kill me. i’d just kill myself if i had such a hideous voice like that.” you shrugged, making tengen let out a muffled chuckle as he tried to hide it behind his palms. 

“you fools, you may be hashiras, but i’m one of the strongest demons out there. i’m one of the upper moons, ranked in number six. the name’s daki, so don’t forget it when you’re on your last breath by the end of this battle.” daki smirked, but both you and tengen exchanged an expression of amusement. 

“what? there’s no way you’re an upper moon six. you’re so weak and unskilled, i could end you in two seconds.” tengen scoffed, making daki’s eyes widen at the insult as she gritted her teeth. 

“the fuck did you just say to me, you meat sack?!” she snarked. 

“what a pity. not only is your voice ugly and you’re weak, but you’re dumb too! jeez, that’s just foul. here, would you like to take my katana and just end your sad little life on your own before we do?” you pulled out your katana and offered it in a way to taunt her. daki’s eyes twitched at your words as she ran at you, only to have her head laying on her lap in just seconds. 

“h-huh? did you just cut my head off?! it’s not fair, it’s not fair, it’s not fair!! you both are so mean to me and this is just bullying!” daki cried, making you confused as you looked at tengen who looked equally as lost as you were. 

“is this some kind of a joke? there’s no way she’s throwing a tantrum right now.” tengen chuckled in disbelief. 

“what a child.”

“i know, right? her parents must’ve been so fed up with her. she’s so not flashy at all.”

“ugh, and she has white hair like you, so she’s automatically ugly.”

“excuse me?! do not compare me to that thing. i’ll dye my hair to black then with mitsuri’s dye.”

“you both deserve to die for ganging up on me like this! big brother i need your help!” she suddely called out, and you gasped as you saw another demon emerge from her body. 

“holy shit-” you were struck, not even being able to form proper sentences. 

“oh? how interesting. the fun has just begun.” tengen smirked, his hands gripping the shaft of his katanas. 

this was going to be a long battle. 

---

“you stupid bitch! you have some nerve to insult my looks when you look like you were picked up from the trash. i’m a beauty icon!” daki cackled, watching you struggle to sit back up after forcefully thowing you across the building with her belt. 

you groaned in ache as it felt like your bones were nearly shattered to pieces. you lost sight of tengen, assuming that he was probably handling the brother. you heard the clacks of her heels grow closer and you knew that if you didn’t get back up on your feet soon, things won’t be good. 

so, you focused on your breathing to heal. 

“beauty icon? don’t make me laugh. you look like the fat shit that i took earlier in the morning. actually, no. you don’t even deserve to be compared with my shit.” you frantically laughed at her, watching her ball her fists, grinding her teeth at your words. 

“that’s it, i’ve had enough of you. it’s time to put an end to you right now.” she maliciously smirked, her belt coming towards you to wrap around your figure, only for her to lose sight of you. 

“huh?” she looked around in confusion. 

“too slow.” you scoffed, holding your katana tightly before beginning to slice her belts. being partnered up with tengen on missions and training allowed you to adopt some of his notable skills. one of them being to move very fast to the point where it almost seemed like you were teleporting. a blue flame began to wrap around her belts, burning them to crisps as daki bellowed in pain. 

“you burned my belts!” fat tears began to roll down her cheeks as she fell on her knees, gasping and crying out in pain. 

“i wish i could hold even an ounce of sympathy for you, but sadly i don’t.” you coldly said before harshly landing a clean slice on her neck, making her decapitated head fly far from her body. 

a sigh of relief left your lips, but you let your guard down way too soon. forgetting how demons work, it slipped out of your mind that even though her head was cut off, her body was still functioning. 

you both were still on the roof of a very tall building and you didn’t notice when daki’s body came behind you as you were now pushed off. your eyes widened in horror as you felt yourself lose balance, feet slipping of the edge as you didn’t have the opportunity to grab something. 

you screwed your eyes tight, waiting for the impact of the cold soiled ground to come into a harsh contact with your already weak and aching body. however, that never happened as a strong pair of arms caught you, your eyes opening to see tengen look down at you with a playful smile. 

“you just can’t do anything without my help, can you?” tengen narrowed his eyes. 

“tch, i didn’t even ask for your help.” you rolled your eyes, yet you were still thankful for him saving your life. 

“ugh, this is why you’re not very flamboyant, y/n.” he let out a dramatic sigh before completely dropping his hands to the side without warning, making you crash on the ground with a yelp. 

“you absolute shithead!” you yelled at him, groaning in pain as you shot him a glare. 

you glanced up to the roof to see that daki’s body was now laying hopelessly, and you know that you should probably go look for her head, but you were too tired and pained to even move. 

“did you take care of the crybaby?” tengen asked, referring to daki. 

“kinda.” you replied, a hint of embarrassment in your tone. 

“kinda? what do you mean?” he furrowed his very thin white eyebrows. 

“i managed to slice off her head but i let my guard down too soon. so, i don’t know where her head went and her body is pretty beat up but could still function.” you informed him, watching tengen’s face turn into one of disappointment. 

“you’re not that careless to mess up like that, y/n. i’ve sliced her head off almost twenty times, so you know that’s not an effective method to kill her.” he nagged at you, making you feel slightly irritated. 

“you think i don’t know that, genius? my body can barely stand and i’m losing so much blood that i feel like i can pass out any moment.” you tried to reason with him, only for him to scoff. 

“if you can’t handle a little bit of blood loss and body ache then why are you a hashira? this shouldn’t be new to you, y/n.” tengen’s words felt like a jab at your pride with every word that he spoke. 

“i made a mistake, okay?! i can’t do anything about it!” you spoke through gritted teeth. 

“yeah? well, it was a very stupid mistake that only brainless people make!” he yelled back at you before giving you a glare. your jaw dropped, unable to even form words to defend yourself. 

he was right, it was a very stupid mistake. 

tengen almost immediately regretted his words, but it was too late to take it back now. he saw how you grew quiet, eyes planted on the ground as he watched you slowly slide back to lean against the wall. he wanted to say something, but would soon be interrupted by gyutaro, who has found him once again. 

even keeping your eyes open at this point was draining. your head throbbed and your body felt completely numb. you had no clue where daki’s head went and you didn’t know where tanjiro was either. 

you felt your eyelids growing heavier and before you knew it, you passed out. 

---

“y/n! y/n! wake up, please! y/n!” you heard a voice desparately call out for you, your body being shaken back and forth. you slowly opened your eyes, vision still slightly a little blurry as you were able to make out some fuzzy burgundy and green bits on the figure. 

“tanjiro?” your voice came out as a whisper. 

“yes, it’s me, y/n. are you okay?” tanjiro softly asked, helped you sit up straight as you grimaced in pain. 

“i’ve been better.” you tried to laugh it off, but it even hurt to laugh. 

“mr. tengen and i managed to weaken the brother, but it’s not enough to kill him. we’re just buying some time to recover ourselves.” he said, gulping harshly and you could sense the fear in his voice. 

“hey, we’re not gonna die, okay? help me stand up so that i could go over to that airhead over there.” you pointed a shaky finger at tengen who was panting in the distance while gyutaro’s body was at a farther distance. 

tanjiro helped you up and held onto you as you walked over to where tengen stood. you could see how fatigued he was, the poison that was injected into his body earlier began to spread. he was so out of it, that he didn’t know that gyutaro was creeping behind him, claws out with the intent to chop a limb off. 

both you and tanjiro began to yell his name, but tengen was too distracted to even hear you both. you quickly got out of tanjiro’s hold, sprinting towards the weak man with whatever energy that you had left in your body, throwing yourself onto him. you both came crashing to the ground, rolling off to the side and dodging the attack. 

“y/n?” tengen called out your name in surprise. 

“this is me paying off my debt to you for saving me earlier.” you quickly muttered, before standing up as you pulled out your katana. 

“missed me?” you heard the familair high pitched voice coming from behind. your head turned around to see daki, full recovered before she took one of her belts and wrapped it around you. 

gyutaro took this an an opportunity to get back to the unfinished business him and tengen had. 

tanjiro quickly sliced through the belt to release you. as far as you know, inosuke has been taken down by daki as he was now trying to recover the severe wound he got. you don’t know where zenitsu went. 

“tanjiro, go help tengen fight the brother. i don’t think he’ll be able to hang on by himself for long.” you quickly directed him, but tanjiro seemed conflicted. 

“but, what about you, y/n?” tanjiro asked with concern washing over his face. you thinned your lips, only to have some hope in your eyes as you saw a sleeping zenitsu creeping up behind daki. 

“zenitsu and i got it from here.” you gave him a small smirk. 

---

it was finally over.

both daki and gyutaro were taken down. you laid on the ground, feeling like your heart was going to explode any moment from how irregular your breathing was. there was a huge blast, landing you at a distance and you had no idea where zenitsu was.

all you knew was that the demons were taken down. you saw tanjiro running off to somewhere, along the lines of saying how he won’t be at peace until he found both of their heads. 

as bad as it sounded, you had no energy left inside you to care. you felt like a dead corpse. you’ve fought many upper ranked demons before, you even took some very powerful demons down on your own, but this by far was the one that nearly knocked you off. 

it was because there was two to deal with, double the trouble. 

you’ve been laying on the ground for god knows how long, probably fifteen minutes or so. you tried to control your breathing, trying to envision every single blood vessel within you to deal with the aches and wounds that you had. 

from what you know so far, everyone was still alive to some extent that can be taken care of. other members of the corps were on their way, such as kakushis and obanai was said to be on his way as well. 

although, the serpent pillar was taking his sweet lovely time. 

after some time, you finally felt your body somehow become a little more alive. so, you tried to slowly stand up, knees still slightly a little wobbly but you regained your balance. you walked, well more like limped, around the area as your eyes scanned for tengen. 

finding him didn’t take very long as you saw him resting on a pile of rubble. you scoffed, walking to him before crouching down as he glanced at you weakly. 

“you look like shit.” you blurted out, making him chuckle at you usual sharp tongue. 

“thanks, you look even shittier.” tengen replied, his words having a little lisp added to them but you didn’t pay too much mind to it. 

there was a thick silence that was placed between you too, the only sound that could be heard was the heavy breathing that was coming from tengen. 

“you alright?” you asked in a gentle voice.

“could’ve been better, although, i don’t think i can hang on much longer.” he gave you a sad smile, making your heart drop to your stomach. 

“w-what do you mean?” you stammered, gulping down the lump that formed in your throat. 

“the poison he injected inside me is way too strong for my body to fight against it.” tengen let out a pained groan, making you rush to his side as you examined his body. nearly all of the skin he had exposed right now was purple from the poison and worry took over your mind. 

“stop talking like that, you idiot. you’re gonna be fine, you hear me? the kakushis are on their way and they’ll have an antidote to reverse this. you’ll be okay.” you said with soft eyes, grabbing a hold of his cold hands to provide some warmth to him. tengen hummed is slight amusement. 

“oh? do i see the cold-hearted y/n being mushy for the great god of festivals?” he teased, and you couldn’t help but laugh at how unhinged he can be sometimes, even when he’s nearly on the brink of death. 

“unfortunately, yes. you get on my nerves a lot and you’re a complete idiot, but i need you to stay alive and continue doing that. i need you to keep bothering me and making me wanna strangle you. so, you can’t die on me, okay?” you gave his hands a gentle squeeze, making him gaze at your face. 

in tengen’s point of view, you looked so beautiful, even though you were covered in blood, scars and dust. he noticed the scar on your cheek, which you got from gyutaro when you saved tengen from losing his arm. 

“does it hurt a lot?” tengen asked, a weak finger coming up to lightly graze the scar on your cheek. 

“not so much.” you winced a little after feeling his touch. 

“i’m sorry.” he suddenly apologized, making your breath hitch. 

“it’s okay, it was just a defense inst-”

“no, not for that. i mean, i’m sorry for the scar too. but mainly for what i said earlier to you.” tengen’s voice was laced with guilt as you tried to think back to what he was talking about earlier. 

oh. 

you realized what he was referring to. 

“it’s fine, don’t worry about it. in one way, you weren’t wrong about it.” you admitted as you shrugged your shoulders. tengen shook his head before opening his mouth to speak. 

“no, i was in the wrong. i was so angry and frustrated at myself for not being able to take down either of them that i lashed out on you. i know it was a mistake, but i used it as something to attack you with. so, for that i’m sorry.” he sincerely apologized, and you knew that there was not even a speck of bullshit in his words. 

“we’re okay, tengen.” you offered him a comforting smile before stroking his messy white locks which came undone from his ponytail. 

tengen could feel the poison slowly making his heartbeat irregular, from erratic to dangerously slow, his vision was growing fuzzy and his tongue was getting stiff. 

“i need to let my last words out, so hear me out, please.” tengen requested and your heart shattered to a million pieces. 

“stop talking crazy! you’ll be fine.” you panicked, feeling useless and desparate as your eyes scanned for any source of help. 

“you’re an amazing hashira, y/n. i mean, being able to climb into these ranks and this position in less than a week without any prior training is beyong impressive. i’ve always admired and respected you. you’re very flashy and flamboyant.” he gave you a wide smile, making your heartbeat increase as his words flustered you. 

“i think he injected you with too much poison, ‘cause you’re out of your mind.” you giggled, trying to lighten the mood, which worked as the weak male in front of you laughed. 

“there’s something else i’ve been wanting to tell you too, y/n.” he cleared his throat, making all your attention go to him. 

“hm?” you hummed. 

“i l-”

suddenly, his words came to a halt. his expression pained as he slouched back, his mouth closed. 

“tengen? tengen! oh god, what the fuck is taking them so long to come?” you yelled in frustration and fear as you stood up and started to call for help in every corner, but it was futile. 

you came back to where tengen sat, sitting on your knees as you gently cupped his face. you saw how his eyelids fought to keep open, tears welling in your eyes. 

“don’t try to speak, just focus on your breathing, okay? y-you’ll be fine.” you stuttered towards the end, your voice breaking as you let your tears fall. tengen’s eyes softened upon seeing you cry, bringing a shaky hand to wipe your tears away as he shook his head, an attempt to tell you to not cry. 

you heard rushed footsteps coming from behind you, turning around quickly to see the kakushis hurrying to your side. you moved over a little, allowing them to take a look at tengen. 

“he’s been poisoned and it’s really bad. give him a strong antidote, please.” you begged, watching them nod at your words as one of them dug into the medical kit to pull out a small bottle before handing it to you. 

you opened it before placing the bottle near his lips, as tengen obliged and drank the medicine. 

“this is the strongest antidote that we have access to. it works almost immediately.” one of the kakushis informed you. 

but nearly five minutes has passed and nothing has improved about tengen’s condition, it only seems to have gotten worse. 

“it’s not working. do you think maybe a second dose would work then?” you asked, eyes pleading for any kind of solution that could reverse this mess and put your heart at ease. 

“miss. y/n, there’s no other option. i don’t think-”

“no! no, you can’t say that!” you cried, looking over at tengen who tried his best to keep a small smile whenever you looked at him. you chewed on your lips, knowing that he was trying to mask away his pain to make you feel less shitty. 

you couldn’t help but throw yourself on him, straddling his lap as you shoved your head in the crook of his neck. you started to sob, it sounded really loud and ugly, but you didn’t care.

you don’t want to lose him. 

“you can’t die, tengen! this is not how you’re supposed to go, you little shit. being killed by poison is not a flashy nor flamboyant death that is fit for the great god of festivals. please, don’t leave me.” your tears began to wet his clothes and the flesh of his neck and shoulder. 

tengen’s heart clenched in pain as he heard your broken cries and pleas. he wishes that he could speak and comfort you, even if his words would’ve been a bunch of lies. but, sadly he couldn’t do anything other than trying his best to embrace you as tightly as he could. 

you were so busy crying and sobbing as you begged tengen to not die, followed by a bunch of empty threats darted to him, you didn’t realize when nezuko and tanjiro arrived. 

nezuko gently placed her hand on tengen’s bicep and he felt the small touch, glancing down to see the smaller figure giving him hopeful eyes. then, both your and tengen’s body was place in a huge pink flame. 

you were still unaware of all of this going down, not even bothering to pull away from tengen even for a second. although, you felt your body temperature slightly rising and it was almost as if your body aches were magically going away. 

“jeez, i thought that demon was a crybaby, but surely you’ve taken over that title, princess.” you heard tengen speaking normally, feeling the vibration of his chest as he let out a chuckle. 

you quickly pulled away from the hug to look at him, your face teary and eyes glossy with tears. you quickly scanned him and noticed that the trace of poision was gone as his flesh returned to its normal color. 

and, his lips drew a shit eating grin.

“you idiot!” you scolded him before tightly wrapping your arms around him as you hugged him, trying to be as close to him as possible as your heart was slowly being put to ease. 

“you’re alive and okay.” you said, which was slightly muffled. tengen hummed in response, arms tightly wrapped around your waist. 

“can’t leave you now, can i?” he said, comfortingly stroking your back to calm you down. 

“i’m glad that you two are okay. we both checked up on inosuke and zenitsu, too. they’re both doing good as well, the kakushis are treating them.” tanjiro assured with a smile, making tengen reciprocate. 

you pulled away to look at nezuko who was sitting next to you and tengen. tanjiro came closer before ruffling her hair. 

“nezuko’s blood demon art includes healing powers. although, you both shouldn’t move too much as it might make the wounds worse.” tanjiro advised, and both you and tengen nodded. 

“thank you, tanjiro and nezuko. you both saved my life and no action of mine can ever repay you for what you guys have done.” tengen graciously thanked them, and both siblings offered him a smile. 

“thanks, nezuko.” you gave her a big smile, holding your arms out so that the little girl could come into your embrace. you gave her a gentle squeeze before placing a kiss on her forehead. 

“and thank you, ‘jiro. you’re always looking out for us.” you ruffled tanjiro’s hair, he looked more than just beat up, giving you a smile as his tired eyes tried its best to stay awake. 

“now, let’s all return home in the most flashiest way possible!” tengen’s loud voice boomed, making everyone cheer. 

---

you sighed in bliss, stepping out of the huge shower as you dried yourself. you hummed a small melody, feeling refreshed to wash away all that blood and gunk with a warm shower. you wrapped your hair in a towel and your body in a robe before exiting the bathroom. 

you nearly let out a blood curdling scream when you saw someone laying on your bed. after realizing that the person in question is none other than your best friend, mitsuri, you calmed down your elevated heartbeat. 

you forgot that she’s the only one who knew your password combination. 

“holy shit, you nearly put me in a heart attack just now.” you placed a hand over your heart, closing the bathroom door behind you before shuffling over to the bed where mitsuri now sat up. 

she wore a facial expression which made you grow worried. usually, she’s never this quiet and is all smiles and giggles. but, her lips are frowning and you could see her eyes swelling with tears. 

“mitsuri? what’s wr-”

you were cut off by her jumping on you as you let out a yelp. she sobbed on your chest as she tried to say something to you, but all her words were incoherent and muffled. 

you patted her back and stroked her hair to calm her down, feeling her arms tightening around your waist as if she was afraid that she was gonna lose you. 

“i-i was so scared, y/n! when the order came for the assistance of another hashira because you and tengen were down, i lost it. i wanted to go and help you guys, but obanai refused to let me go. i thought i lost my best friend!” mitsuri cried, looking up at you as tears nonstop poured out of her eyes, landing on your neck. 

“i’m sorry for worrying you, mitsuri. but, you know that i’m a woman of my words, right? i promised you that i would come back in one piece, and i did. i can’t leave my one and only best friend, now can i?” you gave her a warm smile, making her smile at you too. 

“don’t ever leave me, okay? i love you too much to lose you.” she sniffled, and you nodded your head as a small chuckle left your lips. 

“i love you too and i promise. now, let’s stop with all of this sad stuff and talk about something else. come on, help me dry my hair so that you can braid it.” you suggested, making her quickly sit up and smile brightly at you as she eagerly nodded at the idea. 

so, here you both are now, munching on the red bean mochi that she made earlier while she braids your hair. 

“so, i heard that you and tengen shared a pretty special moment together.” mitsuri suddenly said out of the blue, making you choke on the mochi that was trying to pass down your throat. you could feel her smirk behind your head. 

“said who? no such thing happened.” you quickly dismissed her assumptions. 

“nope, a little birdie told me that you hugged him and you both got all sappy with each other.” 

“...”

“so, i’m correct, right?”

“tanjiro told you, didn’t he.”

“i never said any names. so, that means i was right!!”  

“i never said that.”

“ughh, you’re so mean, y/n.” mitsuri whined, shaking you back and forth as you let out a heavy sigh. 

“listen, even though he’s annoying, i was scared that he was gonna die. i just got a little too emotional, alright?” you explained, your cheeks tinted with an angry blush right now. 

“oOooOo~ y/nie’s in loovveee with tengennnn~” she sang out, making you grumble as you were trying to shush her. 

“i don’t know anymore, he makes me confused. sometimes he’s a little mean and annoying but then he’s so sweet and caring.” you admitted honestly, making mitsuri hum in response. 

you’ve taken note of the small actions tengen would do to fluster your heart. him putting you before himself, moving you away from harm, his sometimes suggestive or flirty comments, and the numerous skinship you both unknowingly shared. 

“do a little trial on him for these next few days that you both get off. see if he acts the same or a little different with you.” mitsuri peaked her head around to shoot you a wink. 

“different?” you questioned, eyebrows pinched together in confusion. 

“mhm, different. you’ll be able to realize, don’t worry. oh! and i finished doing your hair. you should go to sleep, you must be tired.” mitsuri hopped off your bed, leaving you a little dumbfounded. 

“huh? but i thought we were gonna have a sleepover.” you said, causing her to laugh nervously.

“o-oh, well that, uhm i just realized that nezuko told me to sew up her kimono.” she replied, which was a total lie, but you decided to mess around with her a little more. 

“really? why didn’t she just give it one of the kakushis?” you interrogated further, making mitsuri thin her lips. 

“because the kimono is special to her and she trusts me the most with it. besides, you deserve some peace and quiet to rest. i’ll see you tomorrow in the morning.” mitsuri quickly waved to you before scurrying out.

you giggled at her strange behavior as mitsuri never hid anything from you before. but, you knew that sooner or later you’d find out. 

you turned of the lamp light before snuggling into your bed as you pulled the covers over your body and fell into a deep slumber. 

---

you were awoken by a cold breeze that entered you room, goraning as you rolled around you bed for a little. after stretching your body and doing that weird shaking/twitching thing, you sat up and turned on your lamp. a yawn left your lips as you rubbed the sleep away from your eyes, glancing at the clock rengoku gifted you on your last birthday. 

it was almost five in the morning. 

it was still pretty early but you knew that you weren’t going back to sleep any time soon. so, you decided to go to the hot spring for a soak since you knew that everyone was still asleep at this hour. 

you went to the bathroom and brushed your teeth before washing your face. you then grabbed a fresh set of clothes and a towel before heading out. as you were walking outside, you noticed the familiar white scaled reptile freely roaming the place. 

you cocked an eyebrow in confusion, knowing that the animal was almost never without his owner. you walked over to obanai’s pet snake, kaburamaru, before leaning down. 

“morning, why are you out here all alone, ‘maru?” you asked, as if the snake could understand and respond to your words. nonetheless, kaburamaru simply stuck his tongue out. 

“come on, let’s get you back to obanai.” you extended your arm, allowing the snake to slither onto you before wrapping itself on your neck. 

luckily, obanai’s place was on the walk to the spring, so you didn’t have to make a double trip anywhere. 

you finally reached his place, knocking on the door as you waited for a response. the door finally opened, revealing obanai in his robe. 

“good morning, i just came to return your little friend here who was roaming nearby my place.” you gave him a smile, extending your arm out to let kaburamaru slither back onto his owner as obanai thanked you. 

“who is that, honey?” you heard a familiar voice speak from inside his room. you looked at obanai with a questionable expression, but, he simply averted his eyes away from you as a blush crept up to his face. 

“mitsuri kanroji. come out here. now.” you strictly called out, hearing a faint gasp coming from her as you could here her shuffling around the bed. you saw her come into your view in just a robe as she harshly pushed obanai aside. 

“y/n! what are you doing here?” she nervously laughed as an obvious blush embrace her, while she scratched the back of her nape. 

“i just came to return kaburamaru. what are you doing here?” you asked, crossing your arms over your chest. 

of course, you didn’t need her to answer. 

the visible hickeys that were littered across her neck gave it away. 

“i can’t believe you left me for obanai. is this how deep our friendship runs?” you pretended to sulk, making her quickly shake her head. 

“no, no! it’s not like that, y/n, i swear!” she tried to reason. 

“i was going to invite you to join me in the hot spring, but i assume you’re to busy.” you let out a dramatic sigh, making her face wash with guilt. 

“i promise, i’ll join you later!” mitsuri grabbed your hands, giving you apologetic eyes. you chuckled at her futile attempts. 

“i’m just playing around, mitsuri. have fun, i’ll see you later.” you winked at her before walking off. 

the sun was still shying off, not fully risen as it was still a little dark outside. but, you didn’t mind it. you liked the dimmed lighting, the quiet atmosphere and how it was warm outside. 

you finally reached the hot spring, untying your robe as you took it off before settling your clean clothes and robe on the bench that was provided by the corps for use. 

you were now in your naked glory, being one with mother nature as the warmth of the earth embrace your skin. you dipped your toe in the water, testing the temperature, which was just perfect. you slowly began to emerge yourself in the water, moaning in bliss as the warm water hugged you with warmth. 

you leaned against the edge, allowing yourself to close your eyes as a contented smile was plastered on your face. 

“mind if i join you?” you heard a loud voice boom, recognizing it almost immediately. you opened your eyes to see tengen in nothing but a towel around his waist that was barely covering the lower half of his body. 

he was bare faced, snowy locks untied and his jewelry was removed. 

“knock yourself out.” you bluntly responded, averting your gaze as you realized that you spent way too much time checking him out. you looked the other direction to give him some respect of not looking at him completely nude. 

the only people you’ve been in the hot spring with was you friends, mitsuri and rengoku. other than that, you rarely come here unless it was a tiresome mission or mitsuri needed some company. 

you heard the splashing sound which indicated that tengen got inside the water, facing him as you both now sat across each other, an awkward distance if you were to be honest. 

after about a few minutes that had past, you suddenly heard tengen chuckle. 

“i feel like i’m about to have a serious conference with you. come closer, i’m not gonna bite you, ya know.” tengen gave you a sheepish grin, leaning back to become a little more comfortable. 

you suppose that he was right. 

you wrapped your arms around your chest as you got up, thankfully, the water covered your waist. you didn’t want to accidentally flash him. 

you took a seat next to him, feeling a little shy. 

“why are you so quiet?” you broke the silence, turning your head to the side to face him. tengen looked down at you with a cheeky smile. 

“why? you miss my voice that much?” he asked in a flirtatious tone, making your cheeks heat up. 

“no! it’s just unusual for you to be this silent.” you murmured, pushing yourself further down inside the water from embarrassment. 

“i’m giving you a day off from our bickering today. but just today! so, don’t get your hopes high.” tengen said, making you roll your eyes. 

“why thank you, lord tengen, how kind of you.” you said in a sarcastic voice. however, the foreigness of the honorifics used for him slipping out of your stubborn mouth made his eyes widen. 

“you should use honorifics with me more often. you sounded so hot.” he remarked, looking at you with a smirk as he licked his lips. 

“oh my god, shut up!” you splashed him with water, making him yelp. 

“hey! not fair!” he scoffed before returning the treatment to you as you both were now too busy wetting each other by the brutal splash attacks. 

which was you mostly getting drenched as his large hands caused huge splashes while your comparably smaller ones were not much help 

“why are you acting like we both didn’t have a romeo and juliet moment yesterday, princess!” tengen teased, continuing his attacks as you struggled to keep up with him, too busy as you were dodging. 

“don’t get any weird ideas, i was just an emotional wreck yesterday ‘cause i didn’t want to experience the whole rengoku incident.” you responded, using all your strength to form a huge wave with your hands before splashing him. 

“is that so? and how do you view rengoku as?” tengen paused, cocking an eyebrow as he waited for your response. 

“a brother of course!” you blurted with no hesitation as if it wasn’t obvious. 

“then how do you see me as? a brother?” he scrunched up his nose in distaste as he fake gagged. 

“what the fuck, hell no.”

“then?”

“i see you as a colossal dumbass.” you smirked, earning a gasp from him before the water attacks continued to be thrown at you. this would go on for another couple of minutes before you waved your hands in defeat. 

“okay, okay! truce.” you held out your hand, waiting for him to shake it. 

“fine.” he agreed, taking a hold of your hand; only to pull you against his chest as he smirked. your eyes widened, feeling the bare skinship between your tits and his well-scultped abdomen. 

tengen leaned his face down before his hand cupped your cheek, grazing the healing scar that was created from yesterday’s battle. 

“does it still hurt?” he softly asked, his voice sounding so hypnotizing and you couldn’t tell if your body was getting hot because of the water or the close proximity between you two. 

“not a lot.” you meekly responded, making him hum. 

“you were so good to me yesterday, saving me from that demon and scarring this pretty face of yours for me. yet, you look beautiful as ever.” tengen whispered sensually, making you release the breath that you didn’t realize you were holding in. 

“really?” you asked, mind slowly fogging up. 

“mhm, the prettiest. so fucking pretty that i could just eat you up, princess.” he began to leave soft kisses on your jawline, his lips feeling like soft pillows as you let out a whimper. your hand snaked up his nape, pulling him closer to you as he continued to kiss down your neck. 

suddenly, you felt something wet on the flesh of your neck. his tongue began to lick and bite your skin, making you moan. tengen made a few kitten licks before harshly sucking on the spot, determined to leave his mark. 

“tengen.” you called out his name, which came out as a whisper. 

“hm? tell me what you want, and imma give it to you all.” his thumb stroked your cheek as he looked at you with lust clouded eyes. without thinking twice, you pulled his head towards your face, crashing your lips onto his. 

the kiss was steamy and intense, the lewd noise of sucking and clash of teeth from how needy the both of you grew. you nibbled on his lower lip teasingly before licking it as an apology. tengen smirked into your little antics, grabbing a hold of your jaw before kissing you roughly. 

you felt his tongue swiping against your lips before his free hand cheekily went down and groped your ass, making you gasp. he took this as a chance to slide his tongue in your mouth, exploring every cavern he could find. you sucked on his tongue, completely drinking and devouring each other. 

you could taste the fresh mint he uses every morning. 

tengen pulled you more into him, as you could feel his hard cock now resting on your thigh. your eyes widened at how long, heavy and thick it was. he noticed your reaction and couldn’t help but let a cocky grin dance on his lips. 

“you feel that? it’s what you do to me.” he spoke on your lips before placing a sloppy wet kiss on them one last time. tengen pulled away, both of your lips connected by a string of saliva as you both panted for air. your lips were swollen and your face was burning red. 

tengen bit his lips, seeing your tits on full display for him to enjoy. of course, your tits borderline flash him every day because those tight uniforms are too small to cover them up.

not that he’s complaining. 

although, now it was completely exposed. your perky nipples swollen and begging for some of his attention to which he’d be more than happy to provide. 

tengen took one of your tits in his mouth, his hand fondling with the other one as he pinched your nipple, before rolling it between his index finger and thumb. tengen was the king of fairness, using his mouth equally as he suckled on your nipples before lightly biting it. he swirled his tongue around the bud before releasing it from his mouth with a ‘pop’ sound. 

your breath hitched as you entangled your fingers in his wet snowy locks, pushing him further into your chest. of course, tengen made sure to leave plenty of hickeys on your chest too, just for good measure. 

“come on, princess. let me please you how you deserve to be pleased, yeah?” with that being said, he lifted you up as you wrapped your legs around his waist and wrapped your arms around his neck. tengen made sure to securely hold onto you as he stood up and exited the hot spring. 

the area had two benches, one of them was occupied with both of your stuff. so, tengen used the empty one to sit you down. a sudden shyness took over you as you realized that you were completely nude in front of him. 

you look down at your feet before he grabbed a hold of your chin, lifting your face up to meet his burgundy ones. 

“come on, baby, let me see that pretty little pussy of yours.” tengen begged, kneeling as his palms were placed on your knees. there was a growing ache between your legs that you knew only tengen could cure. 

so, you pushed away those stupid worries swarming in your mind and said fuck it. 

you opened your legs, giving him a beautiful view of your wet cunt. tengen grinned in satisfaction, licking his lips as placed teasing kisses on your thighs, trailing up to your inner thigh. 

“tengen, please.” you whimpered, looking down at him with pleading eyes. although he wanted to toy around with you, he has waited way too long for this, so he wanted both you and him to indulge in this. 

tengen leaned forwards before licking a fat stripe on your folds. you let out a heavy breath as you felt the wet muscle part your folds open. he began to sloppily makeout with your pussy, sucking on your lips before lightly biting it. multiple swears and curses slipped out of your lips along with sinful moans as his tongue worked wonders. 

tengen sucked on your clit before placing a kiss on it, making the most lewd sounds ever. you soon felt the intrusion of something entering your hole as tengen pushed in a thick finger. he began to tongue and finger fuck your dripping cunt, his chin wet with your arousal as he continued to circle the tip of his tongue on your clit. 

he soon added a second finger, the sounds of your pussy squealching was like music to his ears. he experimented by moaning against your pussy, the vibration of his voice sending a shockwave through you. 

“fuck! s-so close, tengen.” you moaned out as he continued to scissor his fingers inside you while his tongue continued to lick, suck and bite your clit and folds. your stomach began to form a tight knot, your chest feeling fuzzy as your eyes rolled back from the intense amount of pleasure that you felt. 

“cum for me, princess.” he demanded, speaking against your sensitive pussy, nose bumping into your swollen clit while he continued to eat you out. 

you gasped and let out the most pornographic moan that your throat could produce, cumming all over tengen’s face. he happily drank in all that you had to offer, using his tongue to clean you up as his gracious actions began to overstimulate you. 

tengen gave your clit one last playful bite before giving it a kiss as he pulled away, looking at you as he wiped his wet chin. you were still trying to catch your breath from that powerful orgasm that he just put you through, looking at him with a flushed face. 

“i’m not done with you yet.” he mumbled, picking you up as he began to walk to his place. you forgot that the hot spring was located pretty much in his backyard. 

you both were now inside his bathroom, as he turned on the showerhead, the both of you now becoming wet once again. you felt his hard cock poking your thigh, wrapping your hand around it as you lazily pumped it while kissing him. 

he gasped in the kiss, a low moan leaving his lips as your thumb circled his tip. you grinned, looking up at him with an innocent face. 

“you know, i could put my mouth to other uses than just bickering with you.” you seductively said, licking and biting his peck playfully, making him groan. 

“is that so? why don’t you show me, i’m a visual learner.” tengen replied, making you giggle as you got on your knees to come eye level to his cock. 

this man was 6′6ft, it was expected that he’d have a huge cock. but, now that you’ve come face to face with it, you felt a little intimidated. tengen was massive, an erected shaft standing at no less than nine or ten inches, thick as the girth of it barely fit your hands, twin veins running on either side which throbbed under your fingers and his tip leaking precum. 

you placed a teasing kiss on his tip before swirling your tongue around, knowing that it’s the most sensitive part. tengen’s breath hitched, as he stroked your hair lovingly while you toyed around with his cock. you licked up and down the sides of his cock, making sure to specifically go over the twin veins, feeling him shudder. 

without warning, you took his cock inside your mouth, trying your best to fit most of it in. you gagged at first as you didn’t expect it to hit the back of your throat so soon, but you regained control. you bobbed your head back and forth, making sure to use a lot of spit to lubricate it and make it more slippery. 

tengen felt like he was in heaven, just on earth, in his bathroom. your teeth lightly grazed his shaft, the new sensation sending him over the edge as you continued to throat fuck his cock. you sucked and licked the entire length before sucking on his tip like a lollipop. 

you fondled with his balls, trying to stimulate more pleasure within him as you knew he was getting close with the way he was twitching in your mouth. 

“f-fuck, you’re such a good girl, doing so good for me.” he breathed out, encouraging you to continue your actions as he began to thrust his hips into your mouth. you heard him let out a whimper before a guttural moan exited his lips, his warm cum flowing down your throat. 

you made sure to clean his cock up, not wasting a single drop of cum that he poured inside of your mouth. you placed a gentle kiss on his tip, before standing up. 

tengen pulled you into a heated kiss, tasting himself a little on your tongue as he looked at you with darkened eyes. his hands travelled in between your thighs, fingers slipping past your slit as he rubbed your pussy. 

“need you so bad...please, tengen.” you whimpered, desparately grinding your wet cunt onto his hand as you continued to leave sloppy kisses on his jaw. tengen smirked, feeling himself get hard by your pleas. 

“you poor thing. need me to make you feel good, princess?” he tauntingly asked, but you were too fucked out in pleasure to care about his tone. you nodded your head eagerly before he pinned you against the wall. 

tengen grabbed a hold of his thick cock, using the tip to prod your slit open. you felt his tip graze against your clit, making you moan as you gave him pleading eyes. however, tengen intended to play around with you a little more. 

he coated his cock in your juices, sliding the long shaft between your folds as it ocassionally bumped into your clit or poked your entrance. you were on the verge of tears because your hole was clenching on nothing. 

“no more teasing, tengen. i need you inside me.” you said in between your pants, trying to convince him to give in to you by kissing him, sucking on his lips and biting his tongue. 

perhaps if tengen was feeling generous today, then he would’ve given in. but, he needed this. 

“tell me how bad you need it and maybe then i’ll consider if you’re worthy of my cock.” tengen evilly grinned, making your eyes widen at his request. 

“you little shit!” you cursed at him, only to receive a harsh smack on your ass. 

“disrespect me again and i’ll leave you in here all hot and bothered, i swear.” he threatened, making you harshly gulped as that was the last thing that you needed to happen. 

“please, tengen. i want you to please me, i need you inside of me so bad. make me cum, please?” you tried your very best to sound as pleasing as you could to make him happy, to convince him that you deserved to be fucked by his cock. 

“hm, have you forgotten that i am superior to you?” tengen scoffed, wrapping an arm around your waist to make sure that you don’t slip when he lifts one of your legs to wrap around his waist. he takes his free hand to slap his heavy cock on your clit, making you wince in pain. 

“say it right or you won’t get it.” he spoke and with every word was a smack on your clit with his cock, to which you were sure made your clit swell with both pleasure and pain. 

“please, lord tengen. make me cum, please.” you begged once more and this time he was satisfied with your answer, a proud grin plastered on his face as he leaned in to give you a longing kiss. 

“see, that wasn’t so hard now, was it?” tengen playfully asked, but you were too distracted by the way the tip of his cock was splitting you in half. your face expressed a grimace as the stretch of his cock entering your tight hole burned a little. 

“just breathe, baby. you’re taking me in so good.” he encouraged you, a finger toying with your clit to stimulate you with some pleasure as he slowly continued to push more inches of himself inside you. 

“mhm.. it’s too much, tengen.” you mumbled against his lips, feeling incredibly full as he still hasn’t bottomed out inside you yet. 

“you can take it, princess, i know you can. this pussy was made for me.” tengen groaned, pulling out of you completely before slamming his entire cock back inside of you, a loud moan escaping your mouth as you clawed his back in both a mix of pain and pleasure. 

“f-fuck, so tight.” he stuttered, feeling your walls welcome his throbbing cock in a tight hug as he continued to thrust in and out of your went cunt. you were breathing heavy, the feeling of fullness from his cock threw you into a whole other dimension. 

“feels so good.” you whimpered, biting down on his neck as he continued to piston his hips into you, balls smacking against your thigh. his twin veins grazed your slick walls so perfectly, the friction increasing your pleasure. 

“been waiting for so long to fuck this sweet pussy of yours. god, if only you knew how many times you’d make me so hard and i had to jack off at the thought of you. and now? this pussy is mine.” he lowly chuckled, increasing his pace as his stamina was absolutely wild. 

a ring of white cream began to form at the base of his cock as you were fucked out dumb from his huge cock. your eyes rolled back, vision growing blurry as your mind was filled with nothing but tengen. 

“i’m gonna cum.” he moaned out, making you gasp as he twitched inside you while his tip kissed your cervix. 

“i-inside.” you managed to stammer out, and he nodded. the familiar knot continued to tighten as your climax was near. you moaned like an absolute bitch in heat, purposely squeezing him with your walls, feeling him choke on a breath from how good you made him feel. 

“gonna cum-” you whimpered as your body shook with pleasure, cumming all over his cock and a few seconds later, tengen painted your walls with thick ropes of cum. you shuddered at the warm feeling of your pussy being pumped full of his cum, as tengen still lazily thrusted inside of you. 

you were completely delirious.

you cupped his face, pulling him in for a kiss, nothing too suggestive. it was a simple and loving kiss. 

you pulled away, looking at him with a bashful smile. 

“come on, let’s properly clean up now.” tengen chuckled, and you nodded your head. he pulled out of you, watching the sight of your pussy leaking his cum and he could feel his cock struggling to contain the urge to get hard again and plunge deep inside your cunt again. 

“don’t waste it, pretty. i worked too hard to fill you up.” he scoffed, plunging two fingers into your cunt to shove his cum back inside you. 

“tengen!” you smacked his bicep, your pussy still sensitive. you both broke out into a fit of giggles as you guys finally decided to cut it out. the rest of the shower consisted of you two bickering as usual about who made who feel more pleasured. you washed his hair and he washed yours, it felt very domestic. 

after about another half an hour or so, you both finally got out of the bathroom. tengen went outside by the hot spring to grab both of your clothes from the bench. 

he saw mitsuri heading to the hot spring, waving her good morning as the woman happily reciprocated. 

“oh! why do you have y/n’s clothes in your hands? and speaking of y/n, where even is she? i told her that i’d be joining her in the hot spring later.” mitsuri pointed at your clothes as she asked in confusion. 

“don’t worry, i took great care of her. she seemed a little tense, so i helped her relieve it.” tengen smirked, giving mitsuri a wink. she gasped as she saw the marks left on his flesh, a squeal leaving her lips. 

“i knew it, i knew it! hehe, she’s never gonna hear the end of it from me!” mitsuri jumped in joy from her victory. 

“hm, looks like you and obanai had some fun like us too.” tengen pointed out, noticing the bluish-purple marks left on her neck. she laughed in embarrassment, to which tengen didn’t pick on her any further, patting her head before taking his leave to let the woman enjoy her time. 

tengen returned with your clothes as you both dressed more comfortably. it was only seven in the morning, still pretty early. 

“i should head back to my room.” you said, standing up from the bed, only to have tengen frown. 

“why? just stay here with me for a little longer.” tengen grabbed your hands, pulling you down on his lap as he protectively wrapped his arms around your waist. 

“what if someone finds out?” you asked in worry. 

“so? who cares? you’re mine now anyways. also, mitsuri know.” tengen dropped the bomb as he kissed your neck. 

“what?! how??” your eyes were the size of two full moons. 

“i met her by the hot spring just now, she was asking for you and i told her that you were with me.” he shrugged it off. you groaned as you shoved your face in the crook of his neck. 

“fuck, i’m screwed.” you whined. 

“why? you don’t wanna be with me?” his voice was tainted with disappointment, making you quickly pull back to cup his face. 

“no! that’s not what i meant. it’s just, i’ve been in denial with my feeling for you for so long and mitsuri was right. so, she’s gonna eat me alive for the next few weeks.” you let out a heavy sigh, making him chuckle. 

“oh? you know, you saying that now makes me wanna eat you again.” tengen grinned, and in a swift motion you were now on his bed with him hovering above you. 

you giggled, locking him between your legs as you wrapped your arms around his neck before pulling him in. 

“you’re so dirty, geez. i’m so tired and sore, so let’s just sleep.” you suggested, watching his eyes glimmer with love as he nodded. tengen laid on the side, pulling you close to his chest as he kissed the top of your head before looking down at you. 

“tengen?” you called out to him.

“yes?” he responded, as you looked up at him. 

“i love you. well, i love you a lot actually. i was so scared that i was going to lose you yesterday. so, don’t ever scare me like that, okay?” you hugged him tighter, making him laugh at your sudden confession. 

“i love you too, princess. as long as my heart beats, i promise to protect you.” tengen leaned down to press a kiss over the scar on your cheek before finally planting a soft and loving kiss on your lips. 

you both smiled at each other before snuggling into one another’s embrace as sleep slowly began to take over your heavy eyes. 

[aziraphales-library]

Hi all! Thank you very much for all of your hard work. I've glad for this account since there is always something fun to read popping up. Can the Mods recommend any fics where either Aziraphale or Crowley use dating apps for any reason?

Hello. You'll find fics like this, including some of the fics listed here, on our #social media tag, but here are some dating app specific fics...

Bloggers, Baby! by Estrella3791 (T)

Crowley's a blogger, and he may or may not be developing a crush on his commenters. But he's not really - Oh, what's this? Angel1941 is on Tinder??

Oh, Lord, Heal This Love by WaitingToBeBroken (T)

"Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don't know each other," is what Crowley's dating profile says. Too bad Aziraphale was too busy staring at those graceful fingers in his picture to realise that, before he agreed to go on a date with him.

abide by me by cosmya (T)

The year is 2001. Crowley runs a fake marriage website, and Aziraphale has encountered a... problem that requires his services. Naturally, they have No Idea that it's each other at first, but when Aziraphale proves a difficult client, Crowley takes matters into his own hands.

Dim the Lights and Sing You Songs by Polaris (E)

A few months prior to leaving the Dowling household, Crowley had downloaded Grindr for the sole purpose of catfishing randy morons. He was not expecting a paragraph that began with: ‘hello. I hope you don’t think this is too forward, but I couldn’t help but notice you have the most lovely nipples.’ Crowley keeps trying to meet his Grindr fuckbuddy. Aziraphale keeps showing up at all his meeting spots. This is terrible.

MatchMade! by amaruuk (E)

Crowley tests a new dating app for an online publication. When his match dumps him for another man's match, he and his fellow dumpee take a chance on each other.

With Potential by Caedmon (E)

Aziraphale is an author of popular and successful romance novels. His books have done very well, so he's surprised when his publisher, Gabriel, comes in and tells him that they expect him to start including explicit sex scenes instead of just the fade-to-black he's been writing. Aziraphale argues a bit, but it's pointless. Gabriel isn't asking, he's telling. And now Aziraphale is in a pickle. He doesn't have a wide swath of sexual experience to pull inspiration from. So his assistant, Anathema, helpfully suggests that he download some dating apps and seek someone to hook up with for casual sex. Aziraphale is appalled by the idea of casual sex at first, and thinks that this plan is going to go absolutely nowhere, but agrees to give it a try. Three guesses what happens next.

The Grindr Logo Doesn't Even Have a 'G' In It by indieninja92 (E)

After the Apocalypse, Aziraphale ventures into a new space in the gay milieu - Grindr. There he starts talking to a charming young man who certainly doesn't bear any resemblance at all to a certain long streak of demon, not one bit, no thank you. Meanwhile, Aziraphale and Crowley navigate their friendship after the world failed to end. There is much drinking and silliness, but could it be that there are other feelings lurking underneath?? Of course there are, this is fanfic.

The Mathematical Improbability of Reaching the Stars by cassieoh, D20Owlbear (M)

Aziraphale, 3rd year doctoral candidate in Library Sciences and current failure at Astronomy 101, finds out about an app for meeting people from some undergraduates. He’s desperate for a tutor so he decides to try it out. Surely someone in the wilds of Tinder is willing to help him learn about the stars? Meanwhile, in said wilds of Tinder, Crowley (high school dropout, star enthusiast, and official garden center plant-harasser) is not really looking for anything past dinner and maybe ‘tea’ back at their place. Hijinks, and also a surprisingly intricate plot, ensue.

- Mod D

[nrdmssgs]

Königs first time with the reader

Masterlist

Pairing: König x afab reader

Summary: you two have been dating for a while, but you always thought that of the two of you, you were always the needy one, and he was just too humble to make the first move. König proves you wrong.

Warnings: smut (under cut), there is almost no plot there, just pure shameless smut

AN: this is an experiment, I wanted to find out if I can write smut without 5 years of prior story and slow tension buildup) I`m still too ashamed to ask for beta reading, so prepare for loads of mistakes.

You were patient. You didn't touch him, when you two weren't alone. Didn't want to make him uncomfortable, and besides the wait was always worth it. Königs` kisses were an absolute unearthly experience. The first one was always light as a touch of evening breeze against your skin. Just a humble request. Hope burning in his chest. But as soon as you answered, pressed your lips to his, moved in unison with him, he was lost. Hope gave way to desire, necessity. His arms wrapped around your waist, pressing you against his broad chest. His tongue slipped between your lips, in a desperate urge to taste you. Königs` heavy sighs and muffled moans echoed in your head as he tortured your lips with the most intoxicating touches, cupping your face with his tremendous hands. And then there was his piercing gaze. Silverish eyes never leaving yours, roaming around your face, lingering on your lips…

But this all was reserved for the times you were alone. You knew it well and waited, till your friends leave, and he stays to help you clean up after the party. "Leave it to me," he says behind your back as you put a stack of dishes in the sink. You don't leave the sink. "I need something to keep my hands busy. Otherwise, I'm risking... never mind."

He takes your hand and lifts it up to his face. “Leave.” A soft kiss is pressed against your knuckles. “It.” His hot tongue leaves a wet trail down to your fingertips. “To me.” He gently sucks on your fingers, holding your hand in a tender, yet firm clasp, stopping you from trying to get back to washing dishes. Now that's quite bold of him. You were convinced, it was always you, who was so impatient for his touch, who craved his kisses. But right now, he was proving you wrong. He didn't even wait, till all your guests were gone.

It was a miracle, you lasted so long and behaved so well, saying goodbyes to your friends. König was standing right behind you, waving at the last person leaving your place. No, he hasn't touched you more since that few blissful minutes on your kitchen. He just stood there, so close, you could hear his heart beating faster with every next minute.

As soon as the door closes, you turn around and press yourself against him. König knows what that means. Permission. He leans towards and lifts your chin. This time, the first kiss is not at all meek and reserved. His short muffled sighs are quickly filled with groans. His tongue is so hot, it makes you wonder if König caught fever. In a few moments, that could as well be a few minutes, you are absolutely drunk on his kisses. You grind ever so slightly against his hip to release tension, coiling in your body. You two never went this far, and you don't want to scare him off, if he is not yet ready. But gods, you need him. 

His massive hand slides down your spine and clasps on your soft hip. For a split second you think, he wants to stop you from whatever you are doing. But he instead presses you closer to make friction stronger. He is so eager, you are almost taken aback, and you break your kiss for a moment. König only shuts his eyes and presses you even closer. “Bitte… bitte hör nie wieder damit auf*”- he desperately pleads and finds your lips once again, going for a much deeper kiss this time.

You may not understand Königs mother tongue, but he is good at explaining everything without words. You've been patient long enough, might as well let yourself be more daring this time. So you unbutton his pants, reveling in his moans, while he goes down from your lips to your neck. He lets go of your hips, allowing you to pull back a little, giving your hands more space. You slide your fingers under his boxers and a soft shiver runs down your body. You've never felt anything like that. So huge, so unbelievably hot, you didn't believe, human body could produce such temperatures… So painfully hard and veiny. You release his cock, and König pulls away from your neck and desperately bites his hand, holding back a loud moan. He looks up at you with craving, wet eyes, dark with desire. “Bitte…” he whispers breathlessly. You aren't sure if he wants you to stop or go on, until he pushes his hips slightly closer to your hands. “Bitte,” you hear his barely audible whine.

You smile and put your both hands around his girth, spreading his precum around. He tries to hold back but can't keep it for too long and starts to move, sliding himself in your grip. You look down and feel your mouth watering. He is so massive, so beautifully entangled with an ornament of veins, glistening, like the finest desert. You wrap your fingers around his cock tighter, and make a few bolder, quicker moves. He closes his eyes, and you notice tears glistening at the corners of his eyes. "Oh no," he tries to grab your hands, but fails to do that in time. Heavy drops fall loudly on the floor. It goes on long enough, like he's been holding back too long. "I'm sorry... so sorry, Schatzi*." His breath is absolutely stuttered, he digs into his hand so hard that the skin under his teeth turns white. You press your lips against his cheek and whisper, "It's okay. I wanted this," as he continues to apologize.

"You don't have to apologize, König. We just... shouldn't have taken so long... Don't worry, let me get some tissues and you can rest, okay?" You unconsciously raise your hand and lick your fingers. This does not escape König. He looks up at you and you don't recognize his eyes. Hungry and lustful. When he answers, even his voice is different. Raspy and deep. “Oh no, I'm not resting tonight. Not until you feel as good as I just have.”

*Bitte… bitte hör nie wieder damit auf - Please… please don`t stop *Schatzi - treasure

[intuitive-revelations]

I've got a kind-of crack theory about Ruby's mother...

Back in The Church on Ruby Road, Ruby is invited onto Long Lost Family, a genealogy TV program hosted by Davina McCall, with the hope of finding some information about her bio family. Unfortunately, they come up with nothing.

[ID: 6 gifs showing Ruby and Davina McCall talking to each other on the phone from The Church on Ruby Road. Davina apologies to Ruby, who tries to hide her upset at the news.

DAVINA: "There is no trace of your mum or dad. I'm sorry. It happens sometimes." RUBY: "No, that's fine... Thanks but, um, could you keep looking?" DAVINA: "No, there's nothing more we can do. If your parents aren't on some kind of database, we can't find them." RUBY: "Ok, um... isn't that unusual though? There's not a single trace anywhere? I mean... in the whole wide world, my mother's never left a blood sample or anythin'?"]

Now obviously, I know tracking down family is hard and, especially for orphans and adopted children, there's no gurantee that you'll be able to get the information you need. But I do find it odd there's seemingly "no trace" of Ruby's parents.

The section where I go on an odd tangent about genealogy

Speaking as someone who isn't a genealogist, but does enjoy researching family history in what little spare time they have... in my experience, close DNA matches aren't that hard to find. Especially if you're of white european descent, as Ruby is (presumably).

(It's generally harder for other ethnicities, as most research resources are white english/american focused. I know this is especially tricky for people like african-americans, where many of one's ancestors may have been enslaved. I've personally also found it tricky with Jewish communities as historically many of them used patronymic names prior to the 1800s, plus you have to account for immigration name changes, pogroms etc.)

For example, as someone who is white, with a mix of various british, mainland european, and ashkenazi ancestors, I actually have thousands of DNA matches, just from an autosomal test on Ancestry alone, let alone something like an mtDNA, xDNA or yDNA test:

[ID: Edited screenshot showing maternal and paternal DNA matches on my AncestryDNA profile. There are 16279 maternal matches and 9745 paternal matches.]

Obviously, due to the way family trees work, most of these are distant matches, however it does include plenty of close ones too, which I've been able to trace to real records and identify relationships with. Personally, my matches even already include many 1st and 2nd cousins, albeit usually a one or two degrees removed, especially as the userbase tends to swing older on these websites. This includes a few people close enough for me to have already known them from family functions and shared annecdotes. Meanwhile, where I did have blank spots, from immigrations, estranged family members, early deaths etc, I've been able to fill in a lot of information.

So what does it mean that there's "no trace" of Ruby's family?

Deliberate or not?

The big question I've had since The Church on Ruby Road is: just how untraceable is Ruby's family?

On one hand, I feel like if this was real life and professional TV genealogists were helping you, you'd get a bit more information than a quick phone call saying they've got zilch. If they're sharing nothing... do they literally have nothing?

On the other hand, this also feels like a writing shortcut. We don't really need 3 hours of Davina McCall sat with Ruby at a computer breaking down every question and theory about possible family members. Ultimately, this was probably just a way to quickly get some major exposition out there, plus throw in a Christmas celebrity cameo for casual viewers. The fact they only talk about Ruby's "parents" being in a DNA database, and no-one else, doesn't give me a lot of faith in the care for accuracy RTD took with this plot point tbh.

Indeed Davina does say 'it happens sometimes', which could indicate it's not as extreme as having zero close relatives...

...but Ruby also asks if it's unusual for there to be no trace of anything, which Davina doesn't answer. If we're asking that question, it sounds like things really could have turned up that blank.

It may not be easy for orphans and adoptees to find family, but I assume it must be quite rare to have zero possible leads? Especially if you're a younger person, and thus may have a good number of people of the right generation to know/remember your family members still alive. Worst case scenario, I can imagine having some leads, only for someone to be uncontactable, or lack the information that would be useful. That being said, maybe I'm being too optimistic, as someone who had the priviledge of never having as much difficulty.

The weird sci-fi parallel (TW: incest (kinda), intersexism)

This is where we get to my theorising. Because in a science fiction context, and specifically a time-travel one, there is one quite famous short story that has a protagonist with zero family connections: '—All You Zombies—' by Robert A Heinlein.

(Fun fact: "All You Zombies" is also the name of a planned Class Ongoing story, once I get the time to resume that.)

You may also be familiar with the movie adaptation: 'Predestination'. It's also seemingly the inspiration for all sorts of similar stories, from 'The Man Who Folded Himself' to Red Dwarf and Futurama.

You might see where i'm going from that last one...

(Again disclaimer: if you seek it out, that this story may be quite triggering. It also was written in 1959. While it's actually somewhat respectable of a trans (kind-of, you'll see what I mean - I'll generally use the pronouns used in the text below) protagonist, it includes sexism, intersexism bordering on medical horror, and selfcest/incest.)

In 1963 (funnily enough), a lonely, orphaned 18 year old woman named Jane has a sexual encounter with a man in a park which ends up leaving her pregnant. When complications arise, the doctor discovers during a successful caesarian she's actually intersex, with a form of ovotesticular syndrome, with her immature, partially developed organs "a mess". He removes the now damaged womb, ovaries etc and, without consent, 'rearranged things so that [they] can develop properly as a man".

A few weeks later, the baby is stolen from the hospital by a man.

Despite all this tragedy, they do decide to complete their transition, restarting life as a man. He struggles to find work, but eventually finds himself making a living selling fake confession stories to magazines as "the Unmarried Mother".

Years later In a bar, he tells his story to a Bartender. After it all, the Bartender reveals he's actually a time agent and offers the chance to see his baby's father again. He drops him off in 1963 to find the man.

Meanwhile, in 1964, the Bartender steals a baby from a hospital, and drops her off at an orphanage in 1945.

The Bartender returns to the Unmarried Mother a month later in 1963, just in time to see him leaving a lonely young woman he met with in a park...

"Now you know who he is", the Bartender says, "—and after you think it over you’ll know who you are... and if you think hard enough, you’ll figure out who the baby is... and who I am.” He drops the Unmarried Mother off in 1983, where he can be recruited by the Temporal Bureau.

The Bartender, Jane, the Unmarried Mother, the kidnapper, the Father, and the Baby are revealed to all be one person, a family tree onto themself. The perfect time agent, causally disconnected from the rest of humanity and thus safe from Faction Paradox - if they are truly human at all (possibly explaining their biological bi-sexuality).

Thus, literally, having no relatives.

NO, OF COURSE I don't think this is what's up with Ruby!

But...

A lot of people have suggested that the woman who drops off Ruby could be herself. Obviously this doesn't necessarily mean Ruby is her own mother - let alone her own intersex father, child, and recruiter too!

But the story did come to my mind watching the Christmas special, and I do think the less squicky side of it, the 'perfect time agent' angle is worth considering. Could Ruby really be causally/genetically disconnected from the rest of humanity? Could she literally have no close relatives?

Assuming her DNA is not taken from any other person, but some semi-random mix of genes, she really may not match with anyone. At most, she would have some distant false matches, who share very small portions of DNA with her just by statistical fluke.

"BUT", I hear you say, "Didn't she get rewritten by the literal butterfly effect in episode one? She must be connected to humanity!"

Yes she did. But you know else happened?

She was still there.

Seriously think about it. Time travel fiction often doesn't think about the full consequences of time being altered even slightly, especially for a gag, but think about it literally. If all of human history was changed and a whole new species, possibly descended from Silurians, became dominant on the planet...

... why would the Doctor still happen to be travelling with someone with a name beginning with 'Rub-' who looks like Millie Gibson? Remember her name comes from Ruby Road... so does 'Ruby Road' exist on Rubathon's Earth? The Church presumably doesn't, unless there's a lizard Jesus...

At the very least we can point to the Web of Time being particularly reinforced around Ruby for some reason, even after all the damage it's taken between Flux and now, letting Ruby persist into the new timeline. This is explicitly confirmed in the last episode, with the Doctor calling it a fixed point.

At worst, it may imply whatever 'designed' Ruby just needs her to meet the Doctor, no matter what the dominant species on Earth is.

Mind you, both of these do open questions about what happened in the timeline where Ruby was eaten by the Goblin King. Maybe targetting her after her birth left her temporally vulnerable? Or maybe it was a necessary event, to bring the Doctor to Ruby Road...

Add this to some other things we've seen this season:

In Space Babies, we're introduced to the concept of 'baby farms', allowing people to be loomed born without a parent.

We also know, at least, that Ruby registers as human to the TARDIS (though given Sutekh's influence, who knows how trustworthy that scan was now!).

In The Devil's Chord, Ruby is not erased by Maestro destroying humanity. Granted we can put this down to the Doctor/TARDIS, and how time travel effects people's biodata, but I think it could be a misdirect.

(Interestingly there was a very similar plotpoint in "City of the Daleks", the Eleventh Doctor adventure game, which saw the New Dalek Paradigm invading Earth in...1963. Unlike Ruby, Amy eventually actually does start to fade, needing a 'chronon blocker' to stabilise her. Hey remember how we just heard the word 'chronon' used a bunch in the show.)

In Boom, the Ambulance is entirely unable to find a next of kin for Ruby, despite seemingly having her in its records. This is a little hard to dissect, as you could take a lot of different interpretations away from it. At the very least, it suggests Ruby doesn't have any living descendents in the 51st century. Carla probably doesn't either (which makes sense with her not having any bio-kids, and Ruby seemingly being the only child she fully adopted rather than fostered?) But for its extensive records, it's notable it still couldn't find anyone after that, even presumably with access to Ruby's DNA like the genealogists had.

Everything in 73 Yards.

Between the snow falling in each episode, plus context in The Legend of Ruby Sunday, we know that Christmas Eve on Ruby Road, while fixed, is also uniquely vulnerable and 'raw'. With the woman's changing reactions to the Doctor, it's also flexible enough to change, somewhat.

Similarly, the possible connection between the woman who dropped Ruby off and the woman in 73 Yards, between her face not being visible and the CCTV camera being around 73 yards / 66.6 metres away. And if that woman really was Ruby, then maybe the parallels to All You Zombies may not be as insane as they sound.

[spadeprincesss]

Four Swords mutant/experiment AU

This is an AU I role played with @saltyskychild way back in like 2017, but I thought about it recently and wanted to retouch it!

TW: torture here and there, human experiments, general violence, blood, kidnapping

General plot: all four links are kidnapped/handed in to the government at a young age because they all posses superhuman abilities.

Each ability corresponds to the element acquainted with their color in the Zelda games: Blue - water, Red - fire, Green - air, Vio - earth.

Zelda is also a mutant, she hides this fact from her father who is the person that set out the order to capture and experiment on mutants.

She secretly runs an organization that helps rescue mutants from these facilities, with the help of Impa and other sheikah characters.

Shadow is a human experiment, he’s never seen the outside of the facility. The very first genetically engineered human weapon.

The colors are divided into danger levels (taking a page from: X-Men here LMAO).

Blue and Red are beta level because they’re the easiest to neutralize.

Red’s powers are neutralized by water of course.

Blue is neutralized by the cold, he freezes over faster than the average human because of the increased levels of water in his body.

Green is alpha level, he’s kept sedated because they can’t cut his oxygen aka his power source. If left unchecked he can raise air pressure levels and escape.

Vio and Shadow are omega level threats.

Vio’s power is simple but he’s smart, he figures out really quick that anything earth related or derived from earth is under his control, making the use of any metal around him prohibited.

Shadow is kept in a bright room, his room has two separate generators in case there is a power outage, he can’t be allowed in the darkness for too long or else he’ll grow too powerful.

Note that all colors have the potential to become omega level threats, they are all under strict surveillance because of it.

Vio was part of Zelda’s organization prior to being captured, therefore he has more experience with his powers than the others. He’s hostile, manipulative, only high level personnel are allowed to watch over him. He has a track record of talking his way into getting new employees to let him out.

This is how Zelda finds out about his facility, her informant (Vio) goes missing and she tracks it back to this facility and tries to rescue them all.

In Vio’s first escape attempt he uses the chance to see how many people are there, finding the other colors and deciding he has to make a plan that lets them all escape.

Along the way he sees Shadow, and Shadow becomes intrigued as soon as Vio nears his door and says “I promise I’ll get you out of here.”. No one has ever said that to him, everyone tells him he’ll be a weapon or rot in here.

Vio lets himself be recaptured, confident he can find another way to escape, hopefully to even contact Zelda. He could easily escape by himself, but abandoning these people here is cruel.

More notes to come if enough people take interest. Might write a fic too if people want it. Look forward to doodles about this AU as well.

[chishiyasleftnut]

Hi!

I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH!

Can I request a (funny) valentines day gone a bit wrong smut?

Hi there (｡♥‿♥｡) Happy (early) Valentine’s Day! I’ve learned that I really enjoy doing these seasonal fics haha, so thank you for suggesting it!

As for other requests: I am working on them! My semester has started and I’m still working on an exam from the last semester, so my schedule is PACKED. I will get to them, though!

Delayed Valentine's

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 Warnings: Smut. Pairing: Chishiya x fem!reader.

Plot: Chishiya wants to surprise fem!reader with something special for Valentine’s Day, but his plans don’t go as expected.

2434 words. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

If there was one thing Chishiya didn’t have a lot of experience with, it was romance. Sure, he was a pretty good flirter, charming anyone he set his mind out to charm, but this was different; this was you. He had already ‘charmed’ you. You were his, through and through, and had been so consistently for a while now, long enough that he even dared to call it love.

Even though showing love was completely new territory for him, it didn’t mean that he didn’t try. No, Chishiya had decided to try very hard, and seeing as Valentine’s Day was coming up, the timing couldn’t be better.

He knew that he could go the easy route: buy some roses, put on some sensual music, and make a romantic dinner just for the two of you, but that was almost too easy. You had probably had other boyfriends in the past who did that, so he knew he had to up his game. Simple wasn’t good enough, not when it came to you.

After researching online, he came up with the perfect plan: a romantic getaway. Just you, him, beautiful scenery, and no responsibilities. From what he could gather online, this was something that women loved, so he was pretty sure you would too. Then the organisation began: booking tickets to Okinawa, finding a beautiful and luxurious hotel, researching good restaurants in the area, and calling your boss to convince them to let you take a few days off. Luckily, it all went smoothly. The day prior he packed both of your bags with all the necessities and a few gifts. This would be great, he thought.

You didn’t learn of the plan until the night before and even then, he kept it annoyingly vague. You walked into your shared apartment wrapped in various winter garments to keep you warm in the cold, Tokyo February weather. Chishiya greeted you at the entrance, leaned against the wall.

“We’re going somewhere tomorrow.”

“What, after work?” you asked sounding both surprised and happy. You were well aware that tomorrow was Valentines Day but didn’t expect Chishiya to remember (or care).

“No,” he said with a smirk. “You’re not going to work. We’re going to the airport at 7am.”

You were just about to argue - you couldn’t just skip work, what was he thinking? - when he pulled you closer, his lips grazing your forehead.

“I have sorted everything out, don’t worry,” he whispered. “Just trust me.”

-----------

7am the next morning you were hauled into a taxi, still half asleep while Chishiya and the taxi driver loaded the trunk with your luggage. For the entire drive, Chishiya sat beside you with an arm around you, kissing your temple and whispering into your ear about how he was going to spoil you for the entire trip.

To your surprise, Chishiya was likewise as cuddly the entire way through airport security, despite him otherwise seldomly participating in PDA. His hand rarely left your waist, only letting you go to pass through the metal detector and immediately touching you again once he joined you on the other side.

Due to Chishiya’s perfectionism, you had plenty of time to peruse the various airport stores before it was time to board the plane, looking at everything from perfumes to tacky souvenirs. Every time you tried to make a purchase, Chishiya would pull out his credit card before you even had a chance to pay yourself. He was taking Valentine’s Day seriously, it seemed, but you obviously weren’t complaining. It was nice being pampered.

Having finished your shopping, Chishiya led you to a nearby flight board to check what gate you had to proceed to.

“Ah fuck,” you heard him mumble. Curiously you followed his line of sight and noticed the big, red letters saying DELAYED displayed next to your flight number.

“That’s okay,” you quickly said to calm Chishiya down. “It’s probably just a little bit late.”

Oh boy were you wrong.

10 minutes turned into 30, which before you knew it had turned into 4 hours spent on uncomfortable metal airport seats. Chishiya looked particularly tense, his leg anxiously bouncing, and his jaw clenched - perhaps because his well-throughout plan was crumbling before his eyes and he wasn’t entirely sure how to remedy the situation.

This was definitely not how either of you wanted to spend Valentine’s Day. The day was supposed to be spent at a beach resort with a fruity drink in hand, not at Haneda Airport’s terminal 1. But here you were, facing two choices: either you went home and cancelled the rather expensive trip, or you stayed waiting at the gate for God knows how long.

It was clear to you that it was those two choices that Chishiya was internally trying to make sense of. If you left now, he could drive you to a spa somewhere and then maybe get you dinner after. That wouldn’t be a bad plan, but it would mean wasting a ton of money on non-refundable plane tickets and hotel reservations.

Chishiya groaned and leaned back on the uncomfortable chair. He rarely outwardly showed displeasure like that, but you couldn’t blame him. With his hand in yours, you began drawing circles on his palm with your thumb. The contact seemed to calm him down somewhat, his leg slowly quieting down and his jaw unclenching.

“It could be worse, you know?” you said softly, trying to make him feel better.

“How could it possibly be worse?” he sighed with closed eyes.

“I don’t know... Godzilla could be wrecking the airport? I could be pregnant? A lot of things could make it worse!”

Chishiya slowly opened his eyes to look at you like you were insane.

“Ah yes, the well-known, very realistic situation of a giant, radioactive lizard ruining our Valentine’s Day plans.” he said dryly. “As for the pregnancy thing: don’t even say it. You’ll jinx it and we’ll be stuck changing diapers for the next few years.”

His tone shut you up immediately. Normally he would at least chuckle a bit at your nonsensical words, but it didn’t seem like he had the spoons for humour right now. Unsure what else to do, you continued to draw circles on his palm until he closed his eyes again. 

You felt bad knowing that he had tried so hard to make you feel loved, just for everything to go wrong. At this point you didn’t even care about the trip to Okinawa, you just wanted him to feel as happy as he had intended to make you feel. The least you could do was make him relax a bit. And that’s when you had a lightbulb moment, causing you to lean in closer to him, your breath tickling his skin as you whispered.

“Let’s go to the bathroom.”

The blonde turned to look at you. Although he knew what your intentions were, he was still confused as to why you were suddenly in the mood for public sex. Surely failed plans wouldn’t get you in the mood.

“Come on,” you repeated with a smile, standing up and pulling Chishiya with you towards the nearest accessible bathroom.

Once inside, you locked the door and turned to look at Chishiya who still looked quite confused albeit now also a tad amused.

“May I ask why you’ve pulled me into a handicap stall?” he asked with a raised eyebrow and the faintest smile on his lips.

“Well 1) I’m terribly bored,” you laughed, causing Chishiya’s grin to widen too. “And 2) I can see how tense you are about this entire thing not going as you envisioned. I just want to tell you that it’s okay. I appreciate the sentiment.”

“Is that so?”

“Mm,” you hummed and nodded. “It was very sweet of you to plan all of this. So, thank you.”

With two confident steps, you walked closer to your boyfriend and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling yourself in close to him. Without even thinking, Chishiya’s hands found their way around your waist, squeezing you slightly.

“Let’s just forget about the plane for a minute and celebrate Valentine’s Day anyway. What do you say?”

Chishiya didn’t respond with words, but the smile on his lips as he leaned in to close the small gap between you told you all you had to know: he was finally relaxing.

Your lips met in an at first tender kiss, completely transporting the both of you to another universe - one that wasn’t an ambiguously clean airport bathroom. The only thing you felt was Chishiya’s soft lips on yours and his strong hands squeezing around your waist. Your lips parted, begging for Chishiya to explore you fully which he did.

All you could feel, hear, smell, and taste was him as he took over every single one of your senses. He backed you towards the wall, pressing you up against it with his own body. His hands moved from your waist to roam around your body, going up and down the natural valleys of your curves and traversing every inch of you.

With his body pressed up against yours you couldn’t help but feel his hardening length prodding your abdomen, only getting harder and harder the more skin his hands covered. Swiftly, he hiked up your skirt and slid his hand down your underwear causing you to gasp at the sudden sensation.

Your arms tightened around his neck as Chishiya began circling your clit, making you wetter and wetter with each orbit. Instinctively, you felt him grind up against your body to provide any sort of relief from the uncomfortably tight tent that was forming in his pants.

Unwilling to wait longer than he had to, Chishiya quickly pulled down your underwear, letting them slide down your body until they reached the floor where you stepped out of them. With full access to you, he likewise as rapidly dropped his own pants to the floor, pulled one of your legs up around his waist, and teasingly ran his tip up and down your wet folds, coating both him and you in your arousal.

“You’re already so wet for me” he murmured smugly, satisfied with your bodily response to his touch. His words sent fire straight to your core, making you whimper for his touch.

“Please” you whispered breathlessly into his ear, pleading to feel him fully.

Chishiya didn’t waste even a second before he sunk his fat tip into your entrance, pushing his entirety into you until he bottomed out and pressed up against your cervix. His body twitched and his breath turned shaky as he got used to the feeling of your tight, wet walls hugging him, simultaneously begging him to stay right where he was and to begin fucking you.

And he did just that. With rhythmic movements he repeatedly thrusted in and out of you, sending both of you to heaven with every plunge his dick made into your wet core. The sounds of your moans and whimpers echoed through the tiled walls of the bathroom, the only other sound being that of skin hitting skin.

With your fingers intertwined in his blonde locks, and his fingertips strongly digging into the fat on your hips, you immediately became one with one-another, transforming into a single being whose only purpose in life was pleasure - and it was certainly succeeding at that task.

“I want to see that pretty ass of yours” Chishiya growled into your ear before pulling out of you and leaving you feeling terribly empty.

The emptiness didn’t last long, though. Chishiya swiftly spun you around and lead you towards the sink, pushing your upper body over the cold porcelain.

With both hands firmly on the sink to stabilise you, you made eye contact with Chishiya in the mirror as he lined himself up at your entrance and immediately pushed in, fucking into you so good that your vision went blurry. The pleasure made it so that you didn’t even notice that he leaned down over you, positioning his mouth right next to your ear.

“God, I love you,” he half whispered, half groaned.

You wanted to reply, to tell him ‘I love you’ back, but nothing intelligible came out of your mouth. Chishiya, as always, found both humour and pride in the condition you were in.

“Mm, what’s that darling?” he purred smugly. “Use your words.”

“L-love you t-t-too” you finally stammered out.

“Good girl.”

Chishiya fully stood up again allowing for deeper thrusts, effectively hitting your cervix each time. It was the perfect mix of pain and pleasure, making you crave more in the moment despite knowing you’ll regret the roughness later.

“Mmph, m’close,” you mewled as your core tightened around Chishiya. “Don’t stop.”

Before you knew it, one of Chishiya’s hand has snaked from your hip and down in between your legs, aiding along the rapidly approaching orgasm by playing with the needy bud.

You came hard; so hard that Chishiya had to cover your mouth with his free hand to not attract unwanted attention from the rest of the airport. Chishiya came not long after, his hips stuttering until he half-collapsed down over you as he spurted his seed deep into you, his shaky breath dancing against your sweaty skin.

For a moment you both stayed in that position, too fucked out to do anything else. Chishiya was the first to come out of the trance-like state, kissing you on the cheek to awake you too before he stood up and got dressed again. You followed suit shortly after, putting on your still damp underwear to cover your core, which was dripping with both of your arousal.

With his hand around your waist, Chishiya led you back out to the waiting section by your gate. There, you were both greeted by a welcomed sight.

“Seems like boarding is in 10 minutes,” Chishiya commented casually as if he hadn’t spent the last 4 or so hours on stressing about the delayed flight. Perhaps the sex had helped to calm his nerves a bit.

“Thank God,” you exclaimed with a chuckle before sitting down and going through your bags to find your passport and boarding pass. “We’ve waited ages.”

Chishiya chuckled too, happy that you didn’t seem to mind too much that his otherwise lovely Valentine’s Day plan hadn’t worked out as he envisioned it. He helped you find the documents, holding the both of yours in his hands. To show his gratitude for your carefree approach to the entire situation, he gently placed a kiss on the forehead before whispering.

“You’re going to love the hotel.”

[jujus-bizarre-blog]

SOC and CK allegories for the queer characters (and other thoughts)

I was going to make a separate blog to yell about books but I decided to do it here.

I AM NOT DONE CROOKED KINGDOM AT THE TIME OF WRITING THIS SO EVERYTHING I SAY IS HAVING ONLY READ HALF THE BOOK SO FAR.

The Grishaverse doesn't seem to have any form of homophobia, but SOC and CK are chalk fulllllllll of what I can only see as plots that mimic queer experiences for the queer characters in the main group.

We have four queer characters (that I know of at the moment): Jesper, Wylan, Nina, Kuwei.

So let's start with the obvious, three of the four are Grisha. Obviously not all Grisha are queer, but all the Grisha in the party are. This gives them an automatic plotline of "hide who you are".

It could be said that since Nina is Ravkan she wasn't raised that way, and no, she wasn't. However since leaving Ravka she has been forced to hide for her safety, and not only that but she is frequently told she's "too much" which sounds a lot to me like what some people say about queer people when they think queer people should be less queer. Also Matthias is all about being "traditional" and "proper" and Nina's whole thing is that she is neither. Traditional and proper sound a lottttt like some people's arguments to be homophobic.

Jesper's I think is rather obvious. His father has a clear concern for his son being Grisha since it can put your life at risk. In Jesper's argument with his dad he goes off and asks his dad why did he never let him go to Ravka where he could be himself and learn about himself and his powers. Oh not to mention the fact that him and his dad talk around him being Grisha like it's some sort of virus that can be caught by simply speaking the word.

Kuwei's took a second to hit me but when it did I was like "ah yep, makes sense" and this is probably because it took me a hot second to realize Kuwei was queer. Yeah, apparently him being jealous that Jesper only looked at Wylan a certain way didn't tip me off... ANYWAY THOUGH. Kuwei is also told to hide who he is, but his dad goes the extra length of literally making a drug to help him hide himself. Is it giving anyone else Dorian's dad from Dragon Age vibes??? Blood magic for the gay son???

FINALLY, I will talk about my baby, the character I love more than anything else. Wylan. Here's the thing about Wylan, while I was reading SOC I wasn't sure if homophobia existed in this world yet and I was half convinced that his dad disowned him because gay. While his dad obviously didn't do that, I still think at the end of the day it portrays an experience that is very similar. Wylan is shamed, hidden, and ultimately his dad tries to have him killed, all because he can't read. His dad loathes him over such a stupid reason, especially since Wylan is absolutely brilliant at tons of stuff and the cutest lil guy. But I think it's that hatred of his son over something so trivial that really lends itself to being about something else entirely, Wylan being queer.

All four of our queer characters in the main group have different plots, but ultimately they all circle around the idea of hiding who you are and being ashamed of who you are. That sounds like a very common queer experience if you ask me.

I don't know if this was intentional or just a huge coincidence. As a writer myself I am all too aware of how easily accidental metaphors and symbols can happen. But I think about it a lot as I'm reading so I wanted to shout about it either way. I also have no clue if this is a common idea or not, I just know when I pointed it out to my friends who had read the books prior, one of who loves and reads them yearly, they both kinda went "oh damn, you right," but didn't see it before I mentioned it.

Anyway, if I missed things (or you wanna yell at me about how wrong I am, which is usually the more likely option) I'd love to know thoughts :)

AND BONUS THOUGHTS

This one is super obvious but I just wanna say it. Jesper is ADHD and no one will change my mind in the history of ever. This man cannot sit still, has been described as having limitless energy, and he seeks constant immediate gratification in the form of gambling and adrenalin rushes. COME ON MAN. I know I know, there's a lore reason, something something Grisha not using magic blah blah. No. No. He is ADHD and you cannot tell me otherwise. And I love him dearly.

Also, not a theory or anything but, y'all, I love Wylan so much. I just wanna give him a hug and a lollipop and tell him it's okay. He's so cute.

[jumpscaregoose]

tss is kind of a weird manga if you think about it. I've been doing that a lot

its main goal is to be a sequel to flowers, and in that a sequel to the original shaman king, but then you read it and that's. really just the tip of the iceberg. tss is already a confusing, messy story if you know what it's doing, but if you go into it only having read og shaman king and flowers (like I did the first time around) you are going to be so lost

takei has this habit of reusing characters and concepts in his work, he's been doing it literally since the beginning. if we're counting each one separately (including alumi), he's written five anna the itakos. the anna that shows up in butsu zone is almost identical to anna from the original oneshot. he does this reduce reuse recycle thing in shaman king too, most obviously with anna and gandhara. and of course this continues into the mainline sequels.

flowers is interesting in comparison to tss, because it is a shaman king sequel in the way you'd expect. it repeats many of the same characters and plot beats as the original (apathetic main character, itako no anna fiance, edgy rival with a goth older sister). hana even mentions a few times that he doesn't want to relive the same beats as his father. compared to tss, the prior work flowers draws on the most is shaman king. for a few chapters. because then we get yahabe.

yahabe is probably the cleanest copy paste into the shaman king universe, excluding butsu zone. it was a oneshot that wrapped itself up after clearly defining its premise while leaving room for the story to continue. except, instead of this continuation being a full yahabe serialization, we just get yosuke in shaman king. yahabe!yosuke and mankin!yosuke could exist on the same timeline, and with how the flowers anime reuses shots from the yahabe manga and ova, that feels like what's supposed to be canon. any deviations from the shaman king canon in yahabe itself can easily be explained away by yahabe being from yosuke's perspective as a non-shaman who doesn't know what the hell is going on. he integrates so cleanly into flowers I didn't even know he was from something else until earlier this year. the same thing applies to death zero, because I fully forgot that was a different thing while writing this.

so flowers has shaman king, and yahabe, and death zero, and it sets up the main plot. and then there's tss.

tss is completely incomprehensible if you haven't done at least 30 chapters of external reading.

or, it's comprehensible, but it's also bad. the reading experience is made so much worse if, for example, you haven't read ultimo and don't know how terrifying not-stan lee actually is. or how important the themes of ultimo are to tss itself. ultimo is a conversation on the objectivity of good and evil, in the same way tss is a battle of ideologies between gods. if you haven't read ultimo, the dong family comes out of absolute nowhere and make even less sense then they do with context.

and then there's senju. the page where senju, when asked what he's learned on his 40 (20 in real actual life) year journey, smiles and says he "can't save people after all" is probably my favourite moment in anything takei's ever written. the weight of that statement means nothing to the reader who's only come from shaman king, because the senju we see in shaman king is sati saigan's spirit ally and nothing else. "I can't save people after all" is an answer to the main thesis of butsu zone, an answer given decades after that manga was cancelled to a collection of readers who might not even know what that is. it's an impactful moment if you've read butsu zone, if you know how it was cut short before takei could take the story where he wanted, if you know the creator has been writing about the same things, about the state of the world and doing what's right and how there are no bad people who can see ghosts, for decades. it makes you think about the thing you're currently reading, the sequel to the one story that author told that made it, that got to say its piece.

because takei's work is kind of cursed. his manga are frequently cancelled, his oneshots never picked up for serialization. the magazines his sequels run in getting cancelled themselves, leaving his stories in limbo. even shaman king, his most successful work, only got its true ending years after it concluded. there is so much in takei's work that has gone unsaid.

when senju stands in front of daremoine and says he can't save people, it's satisfying. it may have been what takei set out to write in 1997, or maybe it was something he thought of in the years between, but either way. this is the ending of butsu zone. this is how its theme's conclude. in the sequel to the sequel of a manga from which its original protagonist was a side character, and underdeveloped plotline. and when you've read butsu zone, it feels good, it feels complete. it hits you like a ton of bricks

this is why I think flowers and super star lose people. because they aren't sequels to shaman king. they're sequels to everything takei has ever written.

to get the most out of super star, you need to have read not only shaman king and its spinoffs, not only flowers, but butsu zone and ultimo and yahabe. hell, to understand shaman king you need to have read mappa douji, or the entire ending falls flat on its face

if you lean into it, this creates an interconnectedness to takei's work, a sense that what you're reading right now is a part of something bigger. whatever is being contemplated currently ties into a much larger conversation about society and morality spanning one man's entire career.

if you don't, you get... a bunch of messy stories. tss makes no bloody sense half the time. ultimo is insane enough on its own, and you're supposed to keep track of that and all the little changes that fit it into this timeline? not to mention the flaws in takei's writing itself, how he tends to pace things weird and leave gaps in his stories, all of it makes tss specifically pretty inaccessible to the average reader.

what is there to take away from this?

I'm not sure, really. I love tss, a lot actually. I enjoy the sense of discovery that comes with engaging in this twisted knot of a story. I think that if you tried to read tss with only shaman king and were frustrated, you should check out yahabe and ultimo and especially butsu zone and try again. you might still think it's a mess, but I think it's worth it to see if that's what lost you

but I know that's also a big ask, that's over 80 chapters of manga to read just to have the backstory for the insane stuff in tss. not everyone's up for that, and that's fair

do I think tss would be more accessible if it only drew from shaman king? yes. do I think it would have been better?

no

[thefoxtherapist]

Hello! I hope you are doing well <3

This is a different experience for me as I don’t really request much.. let me know if this is disrespectful or not! but I was hoping to request Jiyan x male/gn reader (i have no preference) angst?

Jiyan has so much angst potential, especially in his story/companion quest! My idea was centered around the reader death (long before this plot) with Jiyan who is still coping about their death. During the retroact rain tacet discords are mimicking their s/o calling out to him like they are still alive. They poke and prod at his vulnerability, with Jiyan having this inner turmoil of how to overcome this.

Thank you for your time! Whether that be indulging in my thoughts or for just reading this request, I appreciate it <3 Take care!

Hi thank you! I'm okay ^^ I hope you are well.

This isn't disrespectful at all don't worry! You did great for a new requester :)

This was quite a sad concept poor Jiyan, giving him hugs.

I hope you still like this even though it doesn't 100% follow the request! Sorry about that, sometimes writing has its own mind without my input..

Jiyan’s grip tightened on his lance after Geshu Lin’s phantom disappeared from sight. No longer haunted by his previous General, he took a deep breath. He turned inwards to the building, he had things to prepare for the coming battle. He had an army to lead and a city to protect. He couldn’t hesitate now.

And yet that was exactly what he did.

Golden eyes moved to the left as he heard a familiar voice. His breath caught in his throat and his heart twisted in an uncomfortable manner. No. He couldn’t listen, he couldn’t falter. Jiyan looked forward, head held high. 

He walked forward, ignoring the voice he sorely missed. 

Every action he took, accompanied by that familiar voice, that missed pitch, the yearning frequency. It was all a trick. Jiyan knew that, he was aware, he wasn’t stupid. Geshu Lin had been difficult to deal with, but he stuck to his knowledge.

But it was different this time, and the General knew that.

You were dead.

Every breath he took was accompanied by the pained beating of his heart. His head swam. Grief. His mother was always so insistent on his grief. That it was something he needed to face, needed to conquer, cope with. But Jiyan always brushed it off. There was no time was his excuse. But he knew better. He knew better, he just cared too much.

He stepped away, finding a barren spot where he could be alone with his thoughts. Jiyan crossed his arms over his chest as he looked out from the small hill he stood on. Clawed fingers of his gauntlet dug into his opposing arm as your voice once more infiltrated his ears, his mind.

The old General wasn’t the only loss three years prior and it was a guilt that Jiyan struggled with. 

Jinzhou was a battlefield.

The Resonator looked up, watching as the rain fell upwards. His face still wet as the rain caressed his skin as it floated upwards above him. He uncrossed his arms, lifting his hand to follow the path of the rain. 

He’d been a medic back then, but your life was not one he could save.

The General’s hand closed in a tight fist, arm dropping back down to his side. Even with the antidote against the rain, he could still hear you calling out to him after all these years. But he was left with a lingering fear that if he turned around he’d be faced with the tacet discords that similarly used Geshu Lin against him.

Geshu Lin had obtained an infamous reputation for his choice to stand strong, blamed for the loss of their soldiers.

And you.

Jiyan’s eyebrows furrowed as he closed his eyes, unable to take the soft whimpers of his name, you hadn’t even cried for help, you simply told him to push on, to leave you behind. Was that how he knew the phantom behind him was nothing more than a mimic? Perhaps. Or your phantom was influenced by his own regret.

Huanglong did not know of the sacrifice you made to send him forward. 

“You’ll come back for me, Jiyan. You always do.”

He turned his head away, chewing the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood on his tongue. No positive outcomes that day could ever wash away the reality of it all. He’d lost a lover, he’d lost a friend. One forgotten, one cast as a villain. 

“Jiyan.. My love? Is it really that bad? Oh don’t look at me like that!”

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“I’ll be okay, really!”

Jiyan opened his eyes.

All he had done was retreat.

[daisywords]

Out of character? An approach to reconciling plot and character choices 

I see a lot of rhetoric that basically boils down to: your characters’ decisions shouldn’t be based on what will advance the plot; they should be based on the characters’ personality and experiences. 

Clearly this type of thinking is in reaction to stories where the characters feel flat or inconsistent to the point where they seem to have no internal consistency. At some point the illusion disappears and we see the puppet strings, and the immersion breaks. 

But I think sometimes writing with the “characters first” strategy can back writers into a corner. (Or maybe, more appropriately, it can steer them out of a particularly interesting corner they were excited about spending some time in.)

You might find yourself thinking “It would be really cool/interesting if my character did xyz, but I can’t make that happen because it wouldn’t be in character.” Sometimes this is appropriate. But sometimes, if you steer too far in this direction, you get “oops I think something central to my plot or something key to my excitement about this story can’t happen because it would be out of character.” 

You followed your character into a more flat or boring version of the story. Oops. 

But what can you do? You don’t want to be blatantly dancing your character though the narrative at your whims like a rag doll. You want them to feel like a person, but you still want them to make that interesting choice. 

Here’s what you’re going to do: you’re going to build your character backwards. Instead of thinking “ok my character has X personality trait or Y backstory, and therefore they would probably react like Z,” you’re going to think “ok. I want my character to do X. What kind of person would make that choice? What kind of situation might they be in? What kind of traits and prior experiences might lead a person to do that?” 

This is a strategy that might allow you to have your cake and eat it too (a consistent character who does make that interesting choice.) 

So this is me giving you permission to let go of the “character first” mindset for a second. Maybe don’t lock your characters into specific traits and backstories and mindsets before you figure out their story. You can, in fact have characters that stay in character even if you don’t “let your characters lead.” 

Tl;dr if basing your plot on the characters is stalling your story, try basing your characters on the plot instead. 

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

I read your post about not letting kudos and hits upset us. I try to think this way but I'm curious about something else. I've written many fanfics for my fandom and they're all "flop". I don't mind that honestly. But then some writers have written only one fic about the ship I do and and it gets hundreds of kudos. How do some writers achieve that when I'm doing the same and it doesn't get the same response. What else can I do?

I’m afraid I can’t give you a definite answer about what you should do or why this person’s work is more popular, but what I can give you are some advice and, from my experience, some reasons that might explain why other’s works receive more hits and kudos.

start with why other writers’ works are more popular when it’s the same characters, same ship, same fandom. there are various factors at play that might be it;

maybe the person already has large audience base prior to their posting about the fandom you’re in, I know a few authors who already have these sorts of loyal readers that would read any work the authors posted even if they (the readers) were not in that fandom.

maybe someone, anyone, decided share the link to this person’s work on Tumblr or Twitter (X) or any social media platform, and it kind of became viral, thus it drew in lots and lots of readers. it could take just one person, didn’t necessarily have to be the author themself, to share the link among the fandom as a recommendation, or maybe a screenshot of one sentence from the fic that they liked, what happened next is that the replies were filled with people asking for the link.

tags and summary are important factors when people are looking for a fic to read. so maybe this person’s work is tagged with the content people were looking for? maybe their summary grabbed people’s attention or curiosity?

these are just what I can think of over the top of my head.

as for what you can do to gain more readers, I’ve never seen your work so the advice I can give will be a general one; I believe the trick lies in summary, tags as well as the format of one’s work.

when it comes to AO3 (I assume it’s your platform?), tags and summary are the main things people use to determine whether or not they want to click on the fic.

tag your content properly, what characters or pairings it’s about, as well as what the readers will find upon reading your work (you don’t have to spoil it, only the general tags that will give your readers an idea of what they’re in for).

summaries are just as important. there are no “rules” obviously, and I’m not telling you or any writers what to do. though a little advice that I personally take is that you use this little summary section AO3 gives you to do anything to make sure it stands out and that people will see it and want to click on it. that means leave “author’s note” out of the summary section. folks, AO3 summary is the first glimpse into the fic itself that people will see prior to clicking on it, most of the time, people look at the summary to see the author’s writing style and if what’s written, plotwise, grabs their interest. personally, when I see an author use “summary” as a place to write “author’s note”, chances are, I will scroll past that fic as I am interested in what the fic is about, not what the author has to say about their opinion on said fic or their personal life or anything (there’s an author’s note section for that) and if I can’t get a glimpse of what the plot is about or what the author’s writing style is from the summary section, then I won’t click on it, and will look for other fic that can get me interested instead.

moving on to fic format, again, I am not telling anyone what to do here. this is only a suggestion, an advice I’ve learned and want to share: when you write your fic, make sure to use line and paragraph spacing. if your 10k word long fic is one long block of text with no paragraph break, chances are, people will back away from it entirely. also, if it’s two different characters talking with dialogues, don’t put all of their dialogues in one paragraph. for instance, a paragraph for character A’s dialogue, then another separate paragraph for character B’s dialogue and so on.

and I think that’s it for my advice? however, I’ll say this again that the secret to truly enjoying your role as a fanfic writer is that you only focus on yourself. write whatever you want for yourself. it doesn’t matter if this person’s work is more popular, because fanfics and fandoms aren’t a competition. you are your main audience. just have fun creating the stories you want to create for you.

[sleepy-spacetronaut]

New gravity falls Fic and Au idea - “Rewind the Timeline”

Start note: First of all, I must be stopped. I’ve made too many designs for Bill and story ideas. TOO MANY!!! If I am found to be unoriginal with this one, then I guess the world does work as Plato had thought it to be. This Alternate Universe plot will be a sort of Frankenstein’s monster of pre-existant ideas, put in a blender to produce a sort of terrible yet interesting mix.

With further ado, about the plot:

Au name: Rewind the timeline

Summary: After sojourning at the Theraprism, Bill is sentenced to reincarnation as a humanoid creature with an enormous lifespan. However, his “a different place, a different time” part of the deal was upheld seriously. Therefore, instead of being sent to Gravity falls in the future, Bill gets yeeted (isekai’d?) into the wilderness of post-colonial America that has barely gained independence 20-ish years prior. Naked, without powers, and under the form of a naive child with unnaturally bright yellow eyes with slanted pupils. He must now survive by his own means, living “on and off” with the human society through decades until he meets the Pines.

key elements:

+ Bill takes up various identities, becoming a professional liar

+ Bill doesn’t age as normal humans do, therefore he stays young-looking for long periods of time. And it obviously freaks people out.

+He’s a “cuckoo baby” -> infiltrates families for the sake of survival. +Since he had his memories intact, he effortlessly excels at studies and would be considered a genius for his time, but doesn’t want to attract attention, so instead he acts like an irritatingly uncooperative student who gets into arguments with his professors.

+Experiences human vices of all sorts (indulges into drugs and alcohol) and commits a shitload of murders throughout centuries.

+Meets Stanford and Fiddleford in college and becomes their 3rd roomie.

+Bill helps to bring Stanley back and make him and Ford reconnect, then becomes Ford’s “College sweetheart”.

+Fiddleford grows to instinctively dislike Bill after finding evidence that he may not be what he claims.

+Fiddleford found old newspapers articles, old photographs and books with Bill’s faces in them while doing a research project in college, he got unseasy and told Ford about his findings, but that caused them to have an argument and they “broke-up” a while after they started working on the portal for Bill.

+Later, Bill still convinces Ford to make the portal, but -> Ford gets sucked in during the testing part when Stan is present.

+Bill feels remorseful but powerless so he goes into hiding, up until Dipper and Mabel arrive in town.

+Weirdmaggedon has very slim chances of happening/will happen much differently than expected

Bill’s human design for the story (a prototype):

End note: Let me know what you guys think! This would be a crazy short fic for me to write once I get the time, but what’s even crazier is that I made the whole plot (plus some designs) all within to two hours. 😳