#who has done bad things and i need people to recognise that

[baphometsss]

The Inquisitor's need to hear from Rook about how Solas helped them rescue the Dalish Clan is really interesting if they're Dalish, and especially so if you play as romanced Lavellan.

By his own admission in Trespasser, Solas didn't see anyone around him as true people in the beginning of DAI. In fact, he kills Felassan for refusing to help him any longer and suggesting that the modern elves deserved a chance.

It's why the Inquisitor needs to hear it from Rook, that he actually did save their lives. 'He's always thinking about where it ends.' He wants to be remembered as more than what the Dalish currently remember him as. He wants his sacrifices to mean something to the modern elves, for them to recognise the evils of the Evanuris and see that they are not worth worshipping. It stung him badly to see that his legacy was just as the great adversary, because it suggests that the elves who remained after the fall of Elvhenan did not think much of him, even after all he did for them. That one codex from the Vir Dirthara in Trespasser shows that people knew what Fen'harel did and it was viewed almost like an act of terrorism.

The fact that the Inquisitor goes on to call out Solas's prideful nature reflects that. He can't bear to be seen as truly evil because then he's as bad as his enemies, then all he did was for nothing.

He calls the Dalish 'our people' to an elven Rook, and I don't think he's lying, there. He didn't really have any reason to save the Dalish Clan. He could've let them die. He even describes saving them as a privilege, almost like he's atoning for what he did to the elves by protecting their children. Of course, he knows a lot more people will die when the veil comes down, and it doesn't make it any easier , as he says in Trespasser.

It's interesting for the Inquisitor to bring this up though, because it shows that they've been wondering if their time together in the Inquisition had any effect on him at all, if their pursuit of him over the years has changed him in any way. They're looking for tangible signs that he doubts himself, and that he actually wants his mind to be changed.

A romanced Lavellan will say that he forbade them from following him because he didn't want them to see what he would become, but that they don't believe this is the true reason. They know him better than anyone, they got closer to the real him than most. They know he doesn't really want to do it. They know he can't accept the notion that all the terrible things he's done have been for nothing. They know he's acting from a place of grief and trauma. Saving the Dalish Clan was just the proof they had been looking for.

[welivetodream]

People thinking Atsushi is just a cute lil soft boy are so WRONG.

Atsushi is one of the best executed C-PTSD protagonists who are not just "kind" because they are the MC.

Atsushi is sassy, he is mean and says things like they are, even to his own mentor Dazai, he is not afraid of saying bad things. He doesn't hold back on his words. And he can be quite quick when it comes to using sass ("are you a landmower?" "Why are you dressed like a half-finished mummy, Dazai-san" "Akutagawa, fancy a cup of tea?" "That's why Dazai-san left you")

He's not just nice. He thinks he should be nice and kind because that's what someone like him should be like. Atsushi has such a low self esteem that he NEEDS to show kindness to everyone because he thinks just like he got a second chance at life, everyone else deserves it too.

That's why he saved Kyouka and Lucy, he recognised that want for bettering themselves in them. He wanted them to get a second chance like he did. Because to him, people are not good or bad, but they have the ability to change no matter how far they have gone.

This is why Atsushi is the only one who can recognise and understand Dazai's true personality. Whenever Dazai says something self depreciating Atsushi ALWAYS corrects him. In Dead Apple when Dazai is visiting Oda's grave, Atsushi understands whoever this person was, they were very dear to Dazai. At the end of Dead Apple when Dazai says he thinks he's not a good person, Atsushi tells him he has never thought of Dazai not being a good person. Atsushi knows Dazai was in the Port Mafia, but he STILL confirms he sees Dazai as a good person regardless of his past. Because Atsushi believes in second chances, and HE gave the second chance to Dazai that Oda must have wanted Dazai to get, even if the ADA accepted Dazai, no one has ever reassured him being a good person before. (Also in BSD wan, when Dazai says "I want to go out beautifully" during the fireworks scene, in the end-credits Atsushi sits near the river the entire day because he was sad that Dazai was suicidal. And in BSD mayoi, Dazai makes a snowman of Atsushi along with Oda, Ango and Chuuya, showing how much he adored Atsushi)

It's the same with Akutagawa; Atsushi doesn't understand why Akutagawa hates him and he's mean to Akutagawa at times but it never crossed a line. Akutagawa had done so many bad things to Atsushi but at the end they still worked together. Because Dazai understood the only person who will make Akutagawa use his powers to "protect" instead of "attack" is Atsushi. During the ending fight in S3, Akutagawa makes an armour for Atsushi as they combine their powers. And in the end credit scene of S5, we see Akutagawa protecting Atsushi AGAIN. This time Akutagawa isn't wearing the same coat Dazai gave him and for the first time shows true loyalty to Atsushi. ("Just the two of us?" "Do we need more?" *SCREAMS*)

Atsushi's relationship with the headmaster of the orphanage shows how much the trauma affected him as a child. When he can't forgive the headmaster at his death, he hates himself for not being able to give a second chance. And that's when Dazai steps in and tells him, "we cry when our father dies" something Atsushi really needs to hear and he finally cries.

Atsushi reassures Dazai all the time and Dazai snaps Atsushi out of his self depreciation all the time. Their solidarity throughout the story, shows why that day when Dazai chose Atsushi for the ADA; he recognised not Atsushi's powerful ability but his true ability in choosing to believe in people when no one else can.

[nayatarot777]

What Should You Love About Yourself?

Thank you to everyone who has been booking personal readings and tipping! I’ve been able to buy some new oracle decks thanks to you guys. Thank you to everyone who has joined my Patreon too! Much appreciated! 💕💓

• Pile One •

What you should love about yourself is how, despite all of the pain and heartbreak that you’ve experienced thus far, you still put your head down and work at creating the life that you want. You could’ve been like many others and allowed your traumas to put you into a rut and ultimately an end to your efforts in regard to taking control of your life - and you may have experienced moments like that - but you’re extremely resilient. You don’t give up on your own life. You haven’t allowed anything that you’ve gone through to keep you down or break your spirit. You refused to allow yourself to be downtrodden by life’s (or other people’s) bullshit. Many people would consider detaching from emotional pain as a “bad” thing. I disagree. And that seems to be what you’ve done. You seem to not care about the people who’ve hurt you in the past and that’s where your power comes from. Your ability to walk away from people who hurt you is an ability that (I would say) a majority of the population struggles with for a huge portion of their lives. Women especially 👀. You don’t have this self-harming tendency that a lot of people mask as selflessness or love, though. You have great methods of self protection. There’s also a craft or a job that you’ve absolutely perfected that you’ve found a lot of success and recognition with - and if you haven’t yet, then you will! With the amount of time and energy that I’m seeing you invest into this, there’s no way that you don’t. You should love yourself for your ability to really take control over your life and what you create out of it. Your ability to see life from a higher perspective too. The way that you’re not afraid to be seen and show tf out 😂. Because a lot of people don’t reach this level of confidence to put themselves out there like that.

• Pile Two •

You should love your ability to create complete luxury, comfort, and harmony within your own space BY YOURSELF. This may not seem like a big deal to hermits or introverts, but trust me, a lot of people don’t even like themselves enough to like their own energy. That ability in itself is something that you should be giving yourself praise for. Your physical is also something that’s jumping out here. Love the fuck out of your body and your physical appearance, Pile Two. I don’t know if you do a lot of exercise, or if you just eat really well, or if you pamper yourself. You could just be born extremely physically beautiful. But I am seeing that you’re someone who treats your physical body really well. This could be something as simple as validating your body and recognising your beauty for yourself. You should love that you value yourself enough to do that. Your mind is also something that’s being brought to attention. You’re extremely introspective and diligent at taking a look at what’s in your mind. You’ve created a beautiful space for yourself too. Whether this is an external space or a mental space. You’re an extremely abundant person because you know how to attract abundance to yourself. And abundance is a plethora of things; it could mean money, it could mean an abundant mindset (an abundance of knowledge and understanding), it could be an abundant frequency/energy as a person. Whatever this abundance is, I’m seeing that you’re very giving of this abundance. You don’t hoard it, you’re willing to share it with others who are in need of it. I’m seeing that you’re a great manifestor. Mainly because you find things to celebrate in life in general - from the big things to the small things. You definitely work with the cosmos though. Through your inner compass. Are you the types of people who others can’t influence? If so, then this is what keeps you on the correct path. You’re very attached to your opinions and your beliefs and you’re in control of your mind through this way. Once you’re in control of your mind, nobody and nothing can be in control of you. And it takes a particularly powerful person to reach this level.

[afinestoutlove]

TL;DR Joe Locke is a really good actor

I accidentally came across a couple people saying Joe Locke isn't a good actor and like... what tf were you all watching?? Cos it wasn't what I was watching, he's so fucking good!! (I can only talk about Heartstopper here cos I haven't seen much of him in other things, but given these posts were related to Heartstopper...) I think this is firstly straight up (ha!) homophobia, with a side helping of shitty masculine beauty standards. I think it also comes down to the story Joe Locke is acting being something people are super uncomfortable seeing, and his success at telling it makes them uncomfortable in a way they don't want to deal with.

Homophobia first. These are almost always people who like Nick/Kit Connor, and that's not a coincidence. Nick/Kit fits very neatly into normative masculinity (although you know I have things to say about that around Nick's character), so people who haven't done the work to recognise their homophobia don't feel so weird about him. (He IS a great actor, but not "better" than Joe, or any of the other actors in the show. He just has a different story to tell that some people find easier to digest.) But Charlie/Joe Locke reads as more "stereotypically" gay, and no matter what BS reasons people come up with for not liking him, it almost always comes down to "he makes me uncomfortable because GAY".

Masculine beauty standards are so related to homophobia, because what we construct as an attractive man is so linked to heteronormative masculinity - tall, muscular, strong etc (let's not forget white, although that's less relevant to this discussion). Charlie/Joe not only falls outside these standards, but he's shown in the story as still being desirable. I love that about this story, because people who fall outside the very narrow beauty standards in Hollywood are still desirable to a lot of people - including people like Nick who meet those beauty standards. We see this happen in public couples all the time, tons of people suggesting that the partner who is further from conventional beauty standards is somehow a bad person, or is "tricking" the more conventionally attractive one. (See all the years of people trying to suggest Hugh Jackman is secretly gay because they thought his wife wasn't pretty enough and therefore must be a beard, it's so fucking gross.)

Finally the whole "character makes me uncomfortable" thing. Charlie Spring's story is super important and it makes people feel things that, if they haven't done their own work, are going to be super uncomfortable. Again, this is tied to homophobia, because Charlie's story challenges masculine norms about what counts as strength, what men "should" be like, etc. He has an ED, he has anxiety, he requires and seeks help, he forms affectionate and strong relationships and needs them to be healthy, etc. These are things men "aren't supposed to do" (and Nick only gets away with it bEcAuSe He'S hOt, that's it, that's the whole reason). People read Charlie as manipulative or selfish or whatever because he's not acting the way they think men "should" act. It's not based in Charlie's character - he is none of those things. But they want to read it that way because to actually recognise what makes them uncomfortable about Charlie would require them to unpack their own homophobia and bullshit masculinity standards.

Anyway, the short version is: I think people need to stop confusing "character that makes me feel uncomfortable feelings" or "person who is unconventionally attractive" with "can't act" cos y'all are very confused.

[mastermindmiko]

Mornings

pairing: Harry Potter + reader Warnings: bad dreams, death, lmk if you find anything else Summary: A morning with Harry word count: approx. 850

I woke up and it was one of those rare occasions where I turned to find Harry not lying beside me. I sit up, and sigh, knowing what must’ve happened. I go to the bathroom near our closet and brush my teeth, quickly washing my face as well. 

I open the door of our room and the smell of pancakes invades my senses. I can hear the low humming of Sirius’ radio, and recognise one of the songs playing as Sirius’ favourites. I know who the nightmare was about at least. 

I sneak up behind him and wrap my arms around him. If this was only a few months ago, he would've jumped, terrified by the action. I try my best to always remind him that he's safe now, it’s over, but that can only do so much. 

He flips a pancake onto a plate, and turns around to kiss me. He rests his chin on top of my head, and squeezes my body. I ask, “You okay?” 

He doesn’t answer, he only smiles, as he presses a kiss to my head. We stay like this for a few minutes, in situations like this, I like to give Harry his time. He moves away from me and makes a final pancake. 

I sit down on the kitchen counter, and excitedly await the food. He places a plate in front of me, and in the middle of the counter maple syrup, chocolate syrup and honey. I make a mixture of the three and start eating. Harry sits beside me with his arm around my shoulder. 

“Thank you.” I say once I’m done with breakfast. Harry’s been done for a few minutes and has been watching me. I've told him several times not to do that since it’s creepy, but the boy just won’t listen. Harry smiles and presses a long kiss to my lips. He sighs, “Do you know that I love you?” 

“Yes, Harry, I do. And I love you too.” I reply, and grip his hand in between both of mine. His eyes turn sad again for a moment, and I can’t help but ask, “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Not really.” Harry replies, and I nod my head understandingly. I look sadly at my boyfriend. It was unfair that someone as nice and kind as him had to suffer that much, and still suffers now. I squeeze his hand, and reassure him, “I’m always here if you need anything, you know that right?” 

“I know, sweetheart.” Harry says before pressing another kiss to my lips, this one longer and more sweet as I taste the sugary sweet chocolate syrup on his tongue. I begrudgingly part away from him, and stand up. He groans and wraps his arms around my waist. I say, “Harry, I have to go to work.” 

“You don’t have to go to work.” 

“I have to go to work, if I want to get paid.” I retort, and he pouts, “I can get your boss to let you off the hook.”

Harry Potter and the benefits that come with that are something that I will never stop being grateful for. He saved the wizarding world after all, so some people were bound to give him some things, like letting me skip a day of work. 

I head to my room, and change. When I come back, Harry’s staring off into space. I place a gentle hand on his shoulder, and he starts, “It was about Sirius…I dreamt of the whole moment again.” 

He doesn’t have to say which moment, I already know which, he’s talking about when Sirius died. I sit beside him on the sofa, and wait patiently as he unravels his feelings. He continues, “Sometimes, I can’t believe he’s gone, and other times, I can’t believe I even allowed myself to think that anyone stays.” 

“Don’t say that, Harry. Every single person in your life who’s gone now would’ve stayed for you. Besides, Ron’s here, Hermione’s here, and you sure as hell can’t get rid of me, if you tried.” I say, and Harry gives me a hug. 

“I wish that we’d met sooner because then you would’ve met him.” Harry says, and I nod my head. I always think what if instead of meeting Harry the first day of work, I’d have met him the first day of school, I would’ve helped him through so much of that pain. 

“I would’ve loved to have Sirius meet the girl I’m going to marry.” Harry mumbles, unfocused, and I tense immediately. My eyes widen, and I push Harry by his shoulders to get a look at his face. His eyes are wider than mine, and he slaps a hand on his face. He groans, “I can’t believe I said that, I’ve been planning this for months, and I just ruined the bloody secret.” 

I grin wider than I already have, and I take his hands off of his face. Harry relaxes when he sees my smile. I bite my lip when I feel the smile begin to grow uncontrollably. Harry says, “Try to forget this moment, so when I actually propose, you’ll be surprised, okay?” 

“Okay.”  a/n: Hey! if you think this didn't completely suck, feel free to check out my masterlist

[decepti-thots]

sorry, still thinking about whirl. imo the most important characteristic whirl has in MTMTE isn't the obvious ones. it's not that he's an asshole, it's not that he's funny, it's not that he's violent, it's not that he's done terrible things, it's not that he hates himself. all of those are important, and they're usually the immediately obvious traits that stick out panel to panel. but they're not what drives the narrative function of the character most across the whole run of the comic.

imo the thing that most defines the engine driving whirl's narrative function is that he is astute and perceptive. it doesn't come up in obviously quotable panels moment to moment, but the way his arc interacts with the overall arc of the comic is that whirl is the one who sees through a lot of the bullshit that's going on and the way he acts and the decisions he makes overwhelmingly rely on that knowledge. unlike most characters, his decisions are rarely defined by the emotional intensity of his own investment in this or that thing (an interpersonal relationship, an insecurity, a need to prove something) but instead by his sharp awareness of the dynamics of the people around him.

whirl knows the score with rodimus and what the whole mess that is their 'mission' is really about- or rather, what it isn't about, not really. he does not take it seriously because he understands in a very real way, it's just not serious, it's an excuse. whirl knows the score with cyclonus and tailgate and when to intervene in that whole mess instead of being kind about it. whirl understands what getaway is doing and where it's leading and that both makes his decision to initially back getaway's plan both an asshole move but also a decision made with total clarity, in contrast to almost everyone else who makes that decision. whirl knows how to get past drift's act and gets a punch in the face for it, because he smells the bullshit there immediately. whirl is not unaware of the social dynamics on the LL at all; he is choosing to be as abrasive and inhospitable as he usually is on purpose with full knowledge of what he's poking at. whirl gets to the supposed afterlife and immediately knows it cannot possibly be real!

unlike basically every other major character, there's really no point whirl makes a decision with his judgement meaningfully clouded by something. he has a strong interiority and motivations, absolutely, but above all else he is making every decision, no matter how bad or self destructive, with a level of genuine awareness and clarity that is pretty much unique, and his assessment of everyone and everything around him is pretty much unmatched if you read between his constant pisstaking. it's fantastically good, and what makes him a completely essential part of the ensemble all the way through the comic's run. nobody else can be so consistently relied on to respond to the situation presented to him as it is. (cyclonus is really the only person in the cast who recognises this, i think, and it explains why they wind up perfectly matched. see again: whirl's interventions with him and tailgate.)

[fanfic-corner]

Spideypool Fic Recs

I've recently been reading a lot of Wade/Peter fics, so I thought I'd share some of my favourites with you! Please remember to check the tags before reading <3

Lobster Biscuit by Scarlet_Ribbons (2.6k)

Peter goes on a terrible, terrible date, cashes in a favor on behalf of Spider-Man, and begs Deadpool to crash it.

Deadpool delivers.

Not One Hundred Percent by HashtagLEH  (7.3k)

After being drugged at a party, Peter is lucid enough to figure out that he needs help. But who does he even know (and trust) enough that he can just pop up on their doorstep at two in the morning?

Meanwhile, Wade would just really like to know who this random college kid is that showed up at his door.

let me explain by jilliancares (8.5k)

Wade scoffs, shaking his head and elbowing Peter in the side. “Sure,” he says, sarcastic. “That’s why your spidey-sense doesn’t see me.”

Peter’s on the verge of laughing, wanting to join Wade in his amusement, but he freezes. His entire body goes still. He finds himself staring at a roof three buildings over, not even looking at anything. Two blocks away, a car alarm finally shuts off.

“I never told you that,” Peter says, the realization startling him.

Or: Peter's starting to realize just how much Wade knows about him.

Bear the Pain (as the Gods Intended) by mustehelmi (9.8k)

Five times Wade is injured and one time Peter is the injured one.

Gravitation by WillowSong (9.9k)

In a universe where Spiderman never exists, young Peter Parker makes an unlikely friend in Deadpool.

A Friendly Neighbourhood Kidnapping by Willow Writes (12k)

Peter is more than a little mad when Wade ghosts him for years, and then when he finally shows his face in New York again, it’s to kidnap Peter Parker. So he decides to have some fun with the situation and see how long it takes for Wade to recognise him.

Wade thinks he has an easy hit ahead of him and is planning on getting back in touch with his favourite Web–Slinger once the job is done. But Peter Parker seems harder to take down than his buyer let on.

what light through yonder window by hellornothing (14k)

The figure moves quickly, but Peter’s faster. He’s still adjusting to the sudden brightness, so dark red is really the only thing he takes from this initial encounter, but it’s enough.

‘Deadpool?’

aka the one where they get together via late night window visits

The 6 Times Peter Wanted To Reveal his Identity (And the 1 Time He Did) by Spongeekat (28k)

"Look, I’m just a Deadpool. I know I’m not Dr. Phil. But I couldn’t just let you make some bad decision and let the world lose one more hot piece of ass. Anyways, I live in the area and saw you standing on the ledge, and I thought I could maybe talk you down. Dying hurts, in case you were wondering. It’s not worth it.” Dying...hurts? Talk him down? Bad decision?

Oh.

“Oh.” Everything suddenly connected and the gears started turning in Peter’s brain. “No, wait, I wasn’t…” He didn’t quite know how to explain he wasn’t there to do that without completely explaining why he was up there in the first place. Any resolve he may have had earlier about revealing his superpowered persona had melted away, his plans going awry within seconds. "

Or Peter is madly in love with Wade, and plans to meet him on top of his apartment building to reveal his identity. Wade thinks Peter is standing on the ledge ready to jump, and takes it upon himself to make sure he gets home safe and finds a reason to live again.

Finite State by Scarlet_Ribbons (34k)

When he's blackmailed by, of all people, a weird work acquaintance who needs Spider-Man gone for obviously illegal purposes, Peter is forced to hang up the suit- at least temporarily -until he can resolve the situation. Unfortunately, things start to get sticky when Deadpool, who Spider-Man's been on-again off-again with (okay, yeah, lowkey messing around with), crashes into Peter's life and demands the photographer help him figure out what's got his favorite webhead so spooked.

Peter's life is really weird.

I Think I Missed a Step ('Cause I'm Fallin' For You) by mokuyoubi (42k)

There’s a weird familiarity about the kid's tone and posture, and it’s true that Wade is pretty far from home today but he’s also certain he’d remember that baby-face if he’d seen it before. On the other hand, he has spent the better part of the past few years feeling like he’s missed a step, so this conversation isn’t exactly anything new.[[A hot guy is willingly talking to us. Go with it.]][Don’t make an ass of yourself.]“Shaddup,” Wade grumbles, though Yellow has a point...

OR Peter thinks Wade knows his secret identity, and Wade is really confused by the hot coed who keeps popping up and hanging out with him.

Damage by dontcareajot (42k)

Peter Parker finds himself in a sticky situation and who should show up to rescue him but the infamous Deadpool? Now Peter feels indebted to the mercenary... And maybe weirdly charmed by him.

My Boyfriend's a Murder Bot by Fredegund (55k)

Wade Winston Wilson is ugly. His skin's inside out. It ripples and moves every second of every day, at constant war with the cancer. Vanessa put on a brave face for him when she first saw the changes, but it turns out even she can't stomach the sight for long. He's ugly and alone and nothing will ever be good in life again -

If only that were his only problem.

But Weapon X is at it again, under crisp new management, turning orphans into super slaves and bringing out the big guns to make sure nobody interferes this go around (namely one Pool comma Dead). So now, not only is Wade alone and ugly forever, but he's got a bit of a pest problem in the form of a black-clad murder-happy man spider with a collar around his neck and an unhealthy obsession with tying Deadpool up.

So maybe it's not all bad...

Paradise (spread out with a butter knife) by Sarah_Sandwich (72k)

He sighs from where he’s prone, arms akimbo, and roof gravel digging into his spine. “I lost my job. My… other job. The one that actually pays the bills.”

He doesn’t want to dwell on why he’s telling Deadpool of all people. Surely it has nothing to do with his desperate lack of friends. MJ is in California chasing her dreams, Harry’s undergoing treatment for his mental health and isn’t allowed visitors (not that it matters since they blacklisted Peter after last time), and Gwen… Well.

And it’s not like he can talk to Aunt May without her worrying about him starving to death under a bridge or something so… Deadpool it is. Man, when did his life get this pathetic?

OR: The one where Peter and Wade are literal soulmates but don't realize it for literal years because they're literal idiots.

Dissonance by stuckybarnes (121k)

Wherein Deadpool is reluctantly hired to protect Peter Parker from an organization out to hunt him, with varying success on both ends and quite a lot of feelings, revelations, and identity crises.

I hope you enjoy these fics as much as I did, and please let me know if you have any more Spideypool recs! And, as always, thank you to all the wonderful writers for sharing these incredible fics with us <33

[rawbin-hsr]

Hi! Could i request Feixiao, Boothill, and Argenti with a s/o who has panic disorder (or panic attacks in general). Just generally how they react and such :)

@dragon-anon

A/N: Surprisingly I found this a little difficult IUESJhief I have a lot of experience with. having anxiety when I was younger. I think I was even diagnosed with it at some point ? Which is weird because I’m not diagnosed any longer and I no longer really get anxiety attacks so idk what the fuck that was erm. Anyways that’s beside the point. I really struggled to make Feixiao and Argenti different because I think they would handle it similarly (hence why Argenti’s part ended up so much shorter than the other two, cause I didn’t want to just. Repeat Feixiao’s whole part.) and I’m a little worried Boothill is ooc because I haven’t done the new quest and it seems like it showed a lot of his backstory so forgive me if I’m not up to date on that. Sorry about rambling I’ll get on with it now help

Reader has an anxiety disorder

Characters: Feixiao, Boothill, Argenti

Cw: anxiety/panic attacks (descriptions kept brief, not very detailed), slight mention of self-harm inflicting behaviours in Argenti's part (only reader unintentionally scratching themself, not necessarily done out of a desire to harm oneself).

Lmk if there's anything else I should add !

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

╭──────────.★..─╮ Feixiao ╰─..★.──────────╯

Oh she’s great 

Amazing at picking up your signals, amazing at assessing what course of action would help you most, amazing at following through with it

She can tell what sets you off, even without you telling her, and she has a lot of firsthand experience with handling other people’s anxiety (both from more intimate relationships and from soldiers she doesn’t exactly know on any personal level). It’s not hard for her to figure out what calms you down most quickly. 

Your episodes have never been shorter than they are with her around 🙏🙏

I’m not sure exactly how I imagine her handling it, because I think it switches a lot depending on what she knows about you. If she knows you find physical touch comforting, she’ll hold you and gently talk you down. If you’re the type who doesn’t need much reassurance, she’ll firmly remind you of where you are, that she’s with you, that you’re safe, etc, etc. She’ll find whatever solution works best for you. 

Apart from being great with damage control if you do have a panic attack, she’s also pretty good at preventing them from happening in the first place. 

If she recognises you’re stepping into an environment you’re likely to have an attack in, she’ll either steer you out of it if she can or she’ll make sure you’re in there for as little time as possible. Like, for example, if you’re bad with large crowds, she’ll usually just find a less packed road to take around the mass of people.

Obviously it’s unavoidable sometimes, and she won’t always be able to adhere to you completely because she does have a very important job that she can’t really put on hold for your sake, but like I said, she’s great at handling it then too. 

If something needs to be done but you can’t do it, she’ll do it for you (after gently trying to encourage you to face your fears and do it yourself — but she does quickly relent if she notices you really, really don’t want to)

10/10 would recommend she’s amazing

╭──────────.★..─╮ Boothill ╰─..★.──────────╯

I feel like Boothill would be absolutely dogwater at preventing any anxiety attacks from happening, but he’d be great at stopping them once they do happen

Like obviously he won’t trigger you on purpose but he won’t tiptoe around the things that put you off either. Both because he doesn’t usually have much choice in the matter considering his line of work, and because he believes in exposure therapy. And because he maybe sort of kind of forgets. 😭

But he’d be great while you’re in the middle of an anxiety attack ! So that counts for something !!!!

He always manages to snap you out of it pretty quickly. Takes you out of the situation once he recognises the signs that the attack is coming, then gets you present in the current moment again. How ? That’s very simple. He confuses the fuck out of you

You know that tip about making someone having an anxiety attack bite into a lemon ? Yeah

(If you haven’t heard about it: a way to snap someone out of a panic/anxiety attack can be to make them lick a really sour lemon without any warning. The sensory input is really overwhelming and the person having the episode might be so shocked by it they kind of just snap out of it because who the fuck makes you taste a lemon when you’re at your lowest like that ???)

You’re curled up in a ball, hyperventilating because there are too many people, too many sounds, too many what-have-you ? Not anymore, now you’re too busy being confused and lowkey angry at him for shoving an ice cube down your throat. Like wtf are you doing my guy

Usually his little stunts do the trick to get you out of that headspace, and then he can just verbally talk you down so you’re nice and calm again. Will let you cool off while he solves whatever issue it was that led to your anxiety attack. Don’t worry about it anymore, he’s got this. 

If he can’t confuse you out of it, though, he’ll just do whatever you’ve instructed him to do while lucid. If it’s hugging you and talking gently until you’re calm, he can do that. If it’s to just take you into a quiet space and let you ride it out, no problem. If it’s to just continue on and let you just stand next to him, sure. 

Only thing he won’t do is to avoid your triggers altogether. He can give you a heads-up when possible, he can let you sit it out if you really need to, but he won’t (in his words) “baby you”. In his opinion, you’ll never get over it if you just avoid it forever. 

He says it in a kind of harsh way, but there’s genuine care in his tone and his expression, so you know he doesn’t mean it like that. 

All in all I think Boothill is really great if you’re the resilient type and you have the kind of anxiety that can actually get better through treatment, but if you’re sensitive and need someone who actively helps you avoid your triggers I definitely wouldn’t recommend him 😭

╭──────────.★..─╮ Argenti ╰─..★.──────────╯

Obviously amazing at handling it is there anything he’s not good at ? 🙄 (/j)

He immediately becomes very serious when he realises your control is slipping, falls silent and looks at you worriedly. He recognises surprisingly quickly what’s happening, and steps into your field of view and crouches down, makes sure you can see his face. Takes both of your hands in his, wishes he didn’t have armour so he could let you feel his heartbeat.

He calmly talks you out of it. He sounds so sure of everything he does, to a point where you’ll question afterwards if he has firsthand experience with this. 

(He does. He used to experience a lot of anxiety and panic attacks as a child, it is only natural when you grow up surrounded by war; you’d never guess just looking at him now, though.)

He’ll obviously switch how he handles your panic attacks if you ask him to, but his default is to hold your hands (both to prevent you from accidentally scratching yourself, and to remind you he’s there) and to softly reassure you

I think he becomes sort of hyper aware of what triggers you, and does as much as he can to avoid it. Lowkey starts to baby you a little, but just a little, and even if it’s annoying it’s done with love, done out of a desire for you to be happy. It does put him in some tough spots though, considering it means he sometimes tells you to sit an adventure out, but the plan was for it to have the both of you and it’s harder to handle a lot of things alone 😭

Overall super good though I love him <3

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

My inbox is open, feel free to send in asks or requests, I'd love to ramble about things <3

[chenouttachen]

i'm back to be angry at episode 5 alan before i steamroll ahead to eps 6 and 7. picking up straight after the world's worst staff meeting, alan follows jeff out of the garage. and leads with THIS!

after having the audacity to grab a (rightfully) livid jeff, alan tells him to let the others apologise without even apologising HIMSELF.

jeff doesn't say 'they don't trust me', it's 'everyone', and alan is included in that. i've said it before, but jeff just opened up to alan, trusted him, and had that trust thrown back in his face.

and alan keeps putting his foot in it. he tries so hard to be on everyone's side that he doesn't recognise that he keeps choosing the worst dialogue options each time. what he should have said is 'i trust you, i want you to keep working here'. instead he rationalises the other's actions, which wouldn't be a bad thing if he also told jeff that he understands his side. but he doesn't.

jeff continues to stand up for himself; he's not going to apologise to this man for doing his job. this entire situation is unfair and he's not going to pull any punches making sure alan understands that. he rightfully points out the biases and prejudices of the x-hunter team (because that was a setup through and through).

alan knows he's losing jeff in this moment. he's getting desperate to make him stay, but he has no idea how to do that. he thinks that dean and way are the problem, that if they apologise it will be enough. but he still hasn't done that himself.

and it breaks my heart, because jeff is ready to turn around and hear alan out. he's almost willing to overlook alan's lack of apology. but then alan keeps talking. and it doesn't come from a malicious place; alan wants jeff to understand the other's perspectives. but it cuts deeper than he intends to. by blaming jeff and his introverted nature, he conveys to jeff that there's something wrong with him, that he can't be trusted purely because he doesn't operate with the same boundless energy as the rest of x-hunter. and as his words sink in, we see jeff accept them and shut down.

it hurts jeff to realise that the one person who has made an effort to get to know him... doesn't know him at all. we know that jeff cares deeply about people - he loves charlie and is going through with this plan because he's tired of seeing people get hurt. but the wall that he's had to put up because of his past and his power hurts him too. to know that alan (unknowingly) condemns him for protecting himself, it's too much.

jeff has been so strong this entire time, clear in his knowledge that he's done nothing wrong. he's refused to apologise or stoop to way's level, but he can't do that anymore. because he isn't strong in his belief in himself. yes, he knows his skills and his worth as a worker, but as a person? he's lived his whole life as cattle being raised for profit, and he doesn't know how to reconcile with that, or how to speak about it. he's only just learning how to function in society with a power that keeps him inherently isolated. he's pushed himself so far out of his comfort zone in his short time in the garage, trying to protect these people, but in jeff's eyes they cannot accept him. not because he's a bad worker, but because of who he is as a person. and all he can do in the face of that is apologise.

but it is like that. alan has failed to step up for jeff in his time of need, and has still failed to apologise. jeff realises in this moment, that alan won't. and he can't take any further disappointments.

when jeff leaves, it physically pains alan. there's a part of him, one he can't acknowledge yet, that wants to do right by jeff, wants to protect and support him. and in one evening he's done more harm than he could have thought possible.

[projectjasper]

not to be all defensive over my blorbo, but phum genuinely did not plan on making peem wait that long at the mall. we literally see him trying to call peem, but he doesn't respond (because his phone ran out of battery), so phum assumes he left home already. and when he finds out peem waited for him for hours and feels bad about it, it is not a late realisation of what he has done - he is clearly horrified at the fact that it happened at all because again that was not what he was trying to do.

honestly, i can write a whole essay about how it becomes clear almost immediately that phum is enjoying peem's company and is aiming for some sort of a banter-ish friendship situation at the beginning, not entirely recognising the dynamics he himself established with the slave deal from peem's point of view. add to that phum's abandonment issues and this idea that he needs some sort of an excuse for people to stick around (his only friends are his brother and his childhood bestie, who almost kind of "have to" be there for him in a way), and you get him acting like a fish out of water trying to establish this new friendship the first couple of episodes.

in fact, the slave deal starts seeming like a "foot in the door" so quickly that when i was first watching the series live and we were just four episodes in, i thought that phum might have already had a crush on peem and it was all a weird elaborate plan to get close to him. in retrospective, that is, of course, not the case, but phum definitely imprints on peem very fast (which frankly makes complete sense for someone as lonely as he is) and is trying to imitate some sort of a friendship with all the joint cafe visits and paying for peem's drink and generally just trying to make peem hang out with him as much as possible (it is very clear that far from everything he does even at the very beginning is because he is trying to make peem "work off his debt").

and the reason why he is so bad at it and doesn't fully realise what the dynamic is actually like or what he is supposed to do with it is because he has canonically not been properly socialised and has literally never made a friend once in his life. his formative years were spent not knowing the language other kids around him spoke, crying and missing home, and he became completely closed off, relying solely on his pre-established relationships with his family and beer upon returning to thailand (and later meets tan through a bizarre set of circumstances connected to his brother and also being bullied at school + meets mick through beer and clearly never hangs out with him separately from his best friend).

and i know that the idea of a person literally never making friends until they were like 20 years of age might sound bizarre to some, but it is genuinely a thing that happens (especially when a person has cptsd and specifically finds it hard to socialise because of it).

phum's lonely, poorly socialised self sees some sort of a potential for a friendship in what he established with peem, and he slowly but surely tries to reframe their relationship into that. and to be fair to him, with further and further success, because the slave deal becomes more and more of an excuse until he actively refuses to mention it at all in later episodes, as they get closer, and peem is eventually more than happy to turn it into something completely unserious as well.

[sticks-stones-sonic-insanity]

Thinking about Sonic losing Shadow again.

At this point at the end of the 3rd movie, he's dealt with years of his life facing fatal situations in which the people closest to him have almost died. In which the people closest to him HAVE died. He was able to find the strength to keep going because of the support he has in his family - they cheer him up, they ground him in the present, and they offer support to him even when they're not with him, like Tom and Maddie did back when their names were only Donut Lord and Pretzel Lady.

Sonic had given a chance to Shadow, and on the moon after both of them poured their hearts out, Shadow accepted his offer to make things right. That is monumental for both of them, but particularly for Sonic in a very specific way: He was going to have the chance to BE the support Shadow needed to find the joy in life and better shoulder pain of grieving Maria.

He had done similar convincing Knuckles to stop fighting him when they first met, but losing their only loved ones as a direct result of living their lives with such immesnse natural power is a trait of Sonic and Shadow's pain specific to them and only them. Sonic knew exactly how Shadow felt, on both ends of the emotional spectrum, and it took almost losing Tom too for him to see it that way.

But they were going to make things right together. Shadow was going to help Sonic save the planet instead of destroying it, and Sonic was going to show Shadow how to live alongside his loss of Maria: to let more life happen to him and bring him joy instead of letting the hurt be all he can feel. Sonic was going to get a chance to actually get to know Shadow! Show him his home, fun out what he likes, push his buttons and be his friend. Two speedy teen hedgehogs, evenly matched and ready to race around the world for fun instead of a fight.

And then Sonic lost him.

How is he meant to cope with that? What can he even do? Everyone else can recognise Shadow's sacrifice, but there's not much more loss in it than that. He was angry, and in pain, and hurt Tom: just a bad guy who eventually did the right thing. Sonic was the only one who got to truly talk with Shadow and learn more about who he was, who he loved just like Sonic had, and then he was gone.

Another life lost to save his, and another person he can really only grieve on his own.

I think that's a pretty hard thing to have to figure out for him.

[ivesambrose]

⚜️ 𝐉𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐃𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐈𝐧 𝐀𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 ⚜️

December 31st,2023 - May 1st, 2024

These are based on Sidereal transits 💛

If you'd like an even more personalized reading in regards to this or anything else from my list of services DM or email me with your query at Ivesambrose@gmail.com

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Picture 1

You'll feel more decisive about your goals and your life and actively move forward in regards to it whether you have a plan or not you are aware that even if you take one step in regards to your desires every single day, even if it's a change of lifestyle, habit or mindset, they will all up.

You may have felt rejected or feared rejection in the past that has made you question your self worth immensely, it has made you shut down that tender part of you, it only comes out when you're by yourself or the few people you know and trust. You'll be slowly letting go of that wound of feeling rejected, unseen and unheard. You may be drawn more towards your faith at this time but it won't be a surface level thing, you might want to learn more, pray more or do more devotional acts as you'll realize that a lot of your prayers are being answered.

You're no longer the damsel in distress or someone who can be easily taken advantage of either. You'll likely attract a few people who are a bit obsessively drawn to you, some may have good intentions but others would want to control you or have ulterior motives, so please use your best judgement and listen to your gut.

You'll likely become more social, recognised for your words or the way you express yourself or teach things which make others feel comforted and heard. You might also begin expressing yourself in the form of writing, singing, photography, vlogging etc

You'll want to indulge in the luxuries life has to offer even more. There is also possibility of travel within the country for starters and a lot of back and forth.

Be more protective of your energy as well otherwise you'll feel moody and depleted.

Picture 2

You might feel like you're in the spotlight or you'll be fixating on the bigger picture of something and nothing else. A path you had chosen months back has led you to where you are right now, good or bad, you'll make peace with it once you realize that it's on you to change your direction or do what's need to be done to steer your life in the right direction. There's a sense of enlightenment that will feel very personal and spiritual to you, it will lead you to drop the act you had been partaking in for long.

You may have rejected help and guidance in the past that may have come to bite you and kept you in the same cycle, you'll feel inclined to revisit the guidance and break free from this chain.

Some of you might find a home, change homes, start working from home or finally feel at home where you can drop your mask and finally be yourself.

You'll stop being double minded and finally see yourself blooming in different areas of your life be it studies or career or both. Like minded people will come to you. You might find love but some of you might let go of it as it could feel suffocating or restricting, you will feel sorrow but I also see you being held by someone either a friend or a new lover when this happens. Your needs will be mer regardless.

You'll be aggresive in your pursuits and some of you might finally step into the shoes of being a leader instead of following orders. You'll find your people and may also go to different festivals, fairs, exhibitions etc

Avoid overly physically exherting yourself and spicy food, Avoid lashing out at people. Stay hydrated aswell.

Picture 3

Too many choices in love, studies, career direction, hobbies etc you might feel a bit overwhelmed at first since the energy might feel scattered, so you'll proceed to expressing yourself more creatively and openly because of your new found confidence in your body and enthusiasm towards life. A lot of your creativity will come via your dreams, or engaging in fantasy literature and media or meditating or simply day dreaming.

Your creativity as well as beauty will draw in more career opportunities as well networking with people. You will also be actively addressing the ways you engage in self sabotage and it will be your responsibility to work through the same.

You'll be blessed with a wish or a couple of them being granted, you'll be in your receptive state. You might just accept the "delulu is the solulu" (I can't believe I typed that) saying or to put in better words, you'll simply allow your desires and dreams to manifest without you attaching conditions to it or thinking of the what ifs and how's etc

There will be deep transformation for you, big ones. Be it the way you look, dress, are living your life, your existing relationships, your job etc

You'll find unlikely resources or finances from unknown/hidden means or in form of inheritances.

You can look forward to a sense of peace you've been lacking. You might be prone to astral travel, intense dreams etc avoid or at least be mindful of recreational drug use or drinking, as well as water bodies.

Some of you might be traveling abroad for cultural exchange or studies or even for love. Do embrace the love that comes your way.

Picture 4

The courage and resources to get up and leave. Simply rising above something successfully no matter how weighed down you feel or have felt till now. You might also be juggling multiple things at this time (jobs, work and studies, hobbies, ideas, investments, applications etc) you'll find more balance somehow you'll also find clarity in your next steps.

You'll also be more assertive and stand up for yourself against someone who has held some form of power over you. You'll also realize that projecting omeone else's anger, mindset or bullying, towards yourself or others is not going to break the cycle. There is a theme of walking out, away and relocating heavily for you. But there is inevitable triumph in the path you're taking. Maybe in the past you've been procrastinating on it but that phase has come to an end.

A select few of you might also be going through your saturn return at this time so you might feel tested but you're simply having a period of shedding old skin and rising from the ashes of what was barren all along. You'll bring in more structure and discipline into your life in the process which in turn will reward you with joy and being content with your achievements instead of looking at your to do list for the next big thing.

Try engaging or creating things that make you feel light-hearted or entertained or it was something that was taught to you as a child, I feel you'll find the 'lost art' to something and recreate it.

Let yourself have fun and feel joy for what seems like the first time in your life. You'll realize life wasn't just unrewarded labour, that was an old way of being and you're stepping into a reality that feels a lot more comforting and compassionate than the one you're leaving behind.

[fernpetals]

Good Cop, Bad Cop V

Masterlist

Part 1 Part2 Part 3 Part 4

Yandere Tom Ludlow x Reader

Warning: Power imbalance, mention brutal crimes and crimes against women

GIF is not mine, credit to the @scarlettspectra.

Unedited Part

Before you know it, this becomes a routine. Every other week, when you have to report to the police station and end up being late, he drops you home. At this point, you can bet that you will recognise his charger anywhere.

Your steps cease when you spot the vehicle outside your workplace. You don't know why, but you take a few steps back before turning around and walking back into your office. You know that he means well, just doing his jb, but you find him a bit…intense. His gaze is enough to reduce you into a fumbling mess.

Taking out your phone, you check for any message in case you have missed it. There is none. What is he doing here?

Okay, you have not done anything wrong, it’s a new city and the cops are simply being extra careful maybe? You can show him your phone in case of any misunderstanding. You assure yourself as you take a deep breath to collect yourself before walking out.

A part of you hopes that it isn’t his car. A lot of people own a charger and maybe you are…

All hopes are dashed as soon as the car door opens and Officer Thomas Ludlow gets out. Outside the station, with the wind ruffling his hair, he appears slightly boyish, a smile might look lovely on him. Too bad, you know him as a grump.

“I received no texts.” You bite your tongue as soon as you finish that hurried explanation.

You almost see something akin to mirth dancing in his brown eyes.

“Because none was sent. Get in the car, we’ll talk on your way home.”

“Oh. it’s not that late.” 

“I can see that. This is important.” He says, rounding up and walking towards you, on reflex, you take a step back.

It’s like something in you just fails to settle down in his presence. To your surprise, he opens the car door for you.

“Please.”

You feel stupid. He is a police officer who has been nothing but kind to you, maybe not the most polite, but good, in his own way.

“Thank you.” is all you can manage before getting inside his car.

—--

“You might want to be extra cautious.” He speaks up while driving through the busy LA roads.

“Why?”

“We keep an eye on them, they keep an eye on us and you have become a common link. First in the restaurant, now visiting the police station every now and then. If anything, it confirms that one of them had been at least near that place.”

“You mean they fled when you all surrounded me?”

He hums before stopping near a food truck.

“I’m hungry, have you eaten yet?”

You find yourself taco in in his car. He has already packed some for dinner, and by the number, maybe even breakfast.

“You must be a busy man, I mean, the job is demanding.”

Officer Ludlow glances at the packed meal and nods “I barely have the motivation to cook for myself. Besides, it’s quicker that way.”

Oh, you thought him to be married. But he does not seem so.

“You have my number?”

“No?”

“Save it in your emergency contact, I suggest you get yourself a good security system and if anything. I mean anything feels odd, you let me know.”

“I–I don’t think I am of any use to them.”

“You are a woman.”

Annoyance flares within you as you fix him with a hardened stare “So?”

“I’m sorry, I did not mean it that way.”

An apology that sounds genuine and a softened gaze? That soothes you, surely, but you remain annoyed.

“What do you mean then, Sir?”

For a moment, you think you catch something dark flash in his eyes but it’s gone with a faint gulp.

“I mean, they are monsters and women are the usual victims, and targets even—they don’t need a reason, or even animosity, the fact that you are a woman is enough. These people have the record of doing unspeakable things, to men, to women, to little girls and boys.”

That does make sense. In the underworld, there is not a being more exploited than the female perhaps. 

“So, if you have a gun, good, if you don’t, get one. Keep your location on all the time and if anything goes wrong, what do you do?”

“Call 911.”

He lets out a sharp, short sigh at your response.

“Call me, that’s why I am suggesting you save my number on the emergency contact list.”

You nod, the gravity of the situation finally dawns upon you, seems like the casual decision to enter that restaurant has cost you much more than you had thought.

Oh, what have you gotten yourself into?

*****

Thanks to @scarlettspectra's brilliant analysis of Yandere Tom Ludlow, it has been the fuel I needed.

[hiemaldesirae]

this is such a radiostatic coded poem and actually i think i know a way to make it worse. walk with me okay just. we're all familiar with hanahaki right.

imagine a hanahaki au where vox develops it after a messy radiostatic fallout. at first its bad- so bad in fact that rosie, who he'd done his best to cut contact with following the fallout, seemed to have noticed and sent him condolences and advice for 'getting rid of it' by simply confessing and letting out his feelings. not that he had a way to contact alastor at the time, thanks to the man's disappearance, but... deep down, he knew she had a point.

because really, theres actually quite a simple fix for hanahaki: simply confess your feelings for the object of your affection and no matter the response, the flowers slowly taking over you will slow their ascent. but vox doesn't want to. he tells himself its for alastor- tells himself that he knows alastor would only feel more disgusted with him, that it would sever the last remaining bonds between them and form an everlasting distrust on alastors mind... but in part, its also because- well.

when he feels the itch in his throat come up again, when he feels the need to run to the bathroom and hide himself away until the blood and the petals stop coming up and over and down all over the floor, when he feels himself slowly wasting away, cold and alone and unloved by the only person he's ever wanted... the tiny flowers, forget me nots and periwinkle stain the floor alongside his sinners blood. theyre the only thing left of alastor he has, now. and deep down, vox knows, its the only thing he'll ever have of alastor. theyre both too prideful to ever go back to what they had before, and even if they could.... well. would alastor even want to?

so he keeps it to himself. vel and val are the only ones other than his assistants to know- and in theory, that could work against him, seeing as while he has his contractees under lock and key, the same does not apply for his friends... but, well. it's nice to not be alone in this. nice to know that he won't be alone when he goes. nice to know that when he passes out from a particularly bad episode that he'll wake up swaddled in layers of blankets and soft quilts, that warm english tea velvette introduced to him waiting by his bedside along with the newest indulgent, trashy romance book val selected for him. it's nice. and he almost thinks he can bear with it like this-

that is, until the princess invites him to her hotel. and invites him to play friendly with alastor once more, to stay in the same vicinity as the other overlord without either of them trading sharp barbs and words with each other. and- and it's- it's nice. it's so good, to no longer be at each others throats. so nice to finally sit and talk with al, get to hear his voice without having to sneakily tune into a broadcast.

it's so nice that he almost forgets he's living on borrowed time. but of course, as all things do, life- and death, too- work their course.

it happens when he's visiting the hotel. not really the place he'd wanted to be when it happened- vox had hoped- well. he's not sure what he'd hoped. but... he'd hoped to be with velvette and valentino when it happened. to at least have the two people who understood by his side when he eventually succumbed to his own weakness. instead, it's alastor who notices first as vox's frequency goes slightly off tune, eyes widening as the flowers and the blood come up. it's alastor who sprints to vox's side first, immediately scooping the other up into a gentle hold as his shadow summons come to vox's aide. it's alastor, who grasps his hand tight as vox continues coughing, gasping and choking for breath, dribbling red blood and flower petals falling from his mouth.

alastor recognises those flowers. of course he does, he was the one who had shown them to vox.

in his delirium, with desperate hands clutching him tightly and begging him to hold on, please, please, i can't lose you when i've just gotten you back--

vox smiles.

a hand reaches out blindly, fumbling for a moment before he finds what he's looking for. bloodstained claws reach up, shaking hard as they tuck two flowers behind alastor's antlers.

i'm sorry i could never tell you, al, he laughs. it's weak. he's growing weaker, and by the panicked look on alastor's face, he can tell, too. i- i was scared. didn't- didn't wanna lose-- the last bit of you i had left. at least this way... i got to keep this part of you.

he smiles again, wider. it probably looks disgusting, with the flowers and the blood everywhere. he probably looks like a mess. but it's fine. he has to say this.

i hope you enjoy this last part of me, too.

and with that, alastor is left in the bloodstained foyer of the hazbin hotel, clutching a still body to his chest.

[futuristicanoe]

ballad of... big nothing

separate from the rest, where I like you the best

1st PERSON POV. [ fluff? feelings, mess. subby al, but it's non-sexual. mentions: blood & alcohol, unspecified mental health issues. tried something a bit different ! ]

Alex is sitting in front of me.

I don't think he knows how to identify the clump of emotions stirring inside him. The only way Alex can recognise an emotion is based on the 'feel' of it. There is no name for any of them. Nothing seems right. He says it's kind of like titling a song — you choose the name for it after it's already done, and not the other way around. That made sense to me at first, then it prodded at the back of my mind after I opened his notebook and saw rough, worn pages filled with nothing but abandoned titles. The words he couldn't find the meaning or elongation for, just pinned in the middle. I can imagine them looking at his angry little face, judging him. I wonder what he feels when it gets bad like that.

If my attempts at deduction are anything to go by, he feels many things, sometimes all at once. Too many things. Some of them intrigue him more than the others, though.

And he likes to chase them down.

Whatever makes his words tug painfully at something deep in his jaws like he has been chewing on caramel, smiling too hard, letting ice-cold vodka stay in his mouth for far too long, he hunts after it like a mad hound. Just to convince himself that he is still capable of looking irresistible, even when something keeps tearing him apart, and he can't find the energy in him to fight against it, or even just call it by its name.

Don't ask me why, because I don't know everything either, but his bottom lip is split, and if it stings as he smiles, he doesn't let it show. Silver lines have crept into the mop of messy, dark hair that Alex keeps brushing back nervously, the same way he would have done twenty years ago, the exact way he will do it tomorrow when he wakes up in the morning and finds his mind devoid of any dreams.

Some golden sunray hitting the sheer curtains can be enough, and he will give me that lopsided grin, then yawn like a hungry cat and laugh at me for staring. Like he doesn't know how much it means to me that I can stare at him whenever I want.

Being one of arguably peculiar nature myself, I've discovered that this Alex, who still holds his belly and covers his mouth when he laughs too hard, can't be changed no matter what.

But that doesn't mean he's 'unfixable,' or in any need of fixing. He can still change himself. He keeps doing it. I know that by now, I've seen him overdo it.

I'm just glad I haven't known him for a long while, you know? I can barely handle all of him at this moment. I can barely find the courage to keep going, keep trying to seek him out. Somehow convince him that it's okay. It's disgustingly primal to feel love and take it for granted, I think. I don't say that to him — I can't let myself be the one to ruin him.

Do I think it is possible to ruin him? No. But, oh, god. I can't trust myself that much.

Most people hate to watch someone grow older because they mourn the loss of innocence, the good old "naivety" disappearing with each day. But what makes me feel like I've got a giant lump stuck in my throat is the reminder of it – the sweetness, which I had only seen through blurred polaroids and other shaky handheld cameras before, still so clear on his face. The softness that you are supposed to let go of once you are old enough to leave school, because growing up is hard enough, even when you might not be the one to wear your heart on a jagged sleeve.

He has never been the one to forget easily, and for the first time, I find myself smiling as I remember that.

The red lamp makes his eyes look deep and smooth like apple butter. It's maddening. I could punch him. I wonder what that would feel like.

He has that... quaint kind of sharp, glossy eyes that were prone to sadness from the very beginning. Soft eyelashes, a thin scar adorning the subtle crow's feet. Pretty nose, cracked lips, scruffy moustache. A face made for endless melancholia, it is. Unbelievably lovable.

I lean in for a kiss.

I grasp his jaw, hold him down, keep him still, kiss him until he's shying away, and letting out a soft sound.

Alex has never been good at accepting gifts. And if there is something I'd never let myself feel, I imagine it's superiority — I've always felt unsure about gifts, too. Felt uncertain about giving, so the next moment, it's me, pulling back. Hesitating.

One of us has to move forward.

I look at his mouth, how blood pools on his bottom lip, looking raw and godlike, just like the rest of him. Oh.

Somewhere between spontaneous flirting and mornings filled with hangover-hypnosis hybrids of an unnamed disease, I must've gotten used to our kisses tasting a bit bitter and just like something you'd get dizzy from — alcohol, I suppose. Why does it all have to lead to the same road?

For you are dust, And to dust you shall return, yeah, yeah. He's never been dust. His eyes are shiny, and I have this feeling that he has never seen a single speck of dust in his entire life. I almost hesitate to touch him. Afraid.

Clean. Alex is like a tiny rabbit holding itself still in a snowfall.

"You keep forgetting," I say.

"Forgetting what?"

"To listen."

He shudders. It must hurt him. Alex loves praise, no matter how much he hates that fact, it's the truth. He loves it to death.

"I'm listening."

"To what?"

"You. I'm trying to listen."

"Can you hear yourself?"

"Y-yes."

"And are you listening?"

Alex looks betrayed. He says nothing, halfheartedly pouts and lets his eyes grow heavy with mood. Shakes his head. No. He licks his lips instinctively and grimaces a few seconds later, as if the faint taste of blood only reached him with an echo.

"Do you want another kiss?" I ask softly, tilt my head to the side.

He takes a moment. His shoulders relax, spine curving almost diligently, hands that were previously numb and useless at his sides, now moving to hold his own neck. As if determined to squeeze the life out of something that keeps living, and breathing, kicking kicking kicking — he can feel his heart there, right at his fingertips, but he can’t feel the lump that hurts his jaws and sticks to the back of his throat. It's the same thing, I want to tell him.

I hold back.

But somebody has to move forward, or we will just go back and I don't want that. I never want him to look at me and see a stranger again. So I pat at his hands, and he lets go without a single word.

My fingers dig into the sides of his neck instead.

Somehow similar to how the pointy collar of some older boy's jacket had done when he was a teenager and curious and he hasn't changed at all, has he? My fingers press in harder. He has to see the difference. Has to feel it.

"Are you listening?" I ask, quiet and gentle, because Alex will try to hide from me if I speak loudly.

His mind is just like a library. I'll tell him later, hopefully make him squint at me stupidly.

"Listen closely," I say, whispering near his ear now. "Is it quiet?"

He knows what I mean — I'm talking about the little voice in the back of his head. It never leaves him alone. If I could reach inside and cradle it with my own hands, I would gladly gut it open right away. Just to do him a favour, probably.

Alex shakes his head.

I pull back to look at him, his confused face only making me nervous. I call him, "love?"

His arm twitches, and he looks to the side. A small, shy grin grows on his face. I brush his frizzy bangs back and scratch his forehead lazily. He's warm. Melts in my hold and almost dares to run through the gaps. I tighten the fingers around his neck.

Alex nods, as if saying "yes," and then leans into my touch with a rumbling little "mmm," which actually means "more, please."

It's not my words he wants to listen to, and I realize it's only fair, because he must be tired of those — words, words, words. They are everywhere. And not all of them are sweet, helpful. Not all of them sound pretty or have an interesting meaning.

He is listening, and it's all that matters. If it's the chaste kiss I press to his inner wrist that reminds him to keep breathing, or the playful slap to his cheek that stitches him back together, instead of all the things I'm dying to tell him — then I will stay here, with him cocooned in my arms, my lips next to his ear. I will whisper if silence becomes unbearable, but I doubt it will, because he can't seem to hold back the giggle as I gently peck the underside of his jaw. I can't change him. I haven't even tried. Al doesn't need any of those stupid words. Sometimes, this is just right.

A/N: Well! Two Elliott Smith references, wow. I was listening to Between The Bars while writing. Even if it's probably the... same... I tried something different here. It was interesting. Hope it's not horrendous.

[starwarsmum]

Maribat Mix Match Monster Mash day 6, I'll Kill You Either Way & Shadow

Marinette was part of a group of older magic users. She had been working with the Justice League Dark on and off for the past couple of years, ever since she had turned nineteen. She was by far the youngest member, but that didn't mean she was the weakest. 

In fact, she was well known as one of the powerhouses of the magical world, all because she was the conduit of Creation. She had had quite a difficult time juggling the various duties that came with being a recognised and respected magic wielder alongside her separate and growing reputation as a fashion designer. 

“Hey LB, we got a request from the bat crew to take a look at a problem they're having,” Zatanna said, appearing seemingly out of nowhere. “Are you free?”

“Yeah, just give me…one…minute…okay, yes, I'm done,” Marinette said, closing the book she was reading with a flourish and turning to face the older magic user. “Who's having a problem with what now?”

“Apparently one of Batman’s crew is having a problem with Spectre, and they need one of us to help out,” she replied, talking too casually. Marinette was instantly wary and gave Zatanna a hard look. The woman gave her a wince in return and her shoulders slumped slightly. “Look, they need one of us and you're the newest and one of our most effective magic wielders.”

“So I'm getting to deal with the bats - who hate magic wielders - because I don't have a history with them?” She tugged anxiously on a pigtail, worrying her lil between her teeth. “Why am I getting punished for being new?”

“No, I know, but honestly can you see Constantine trying to help them? Besides, the Bat in question is the youngest and we thought you'd relate better with him, given your own age.”

“...this is about Stabby? And you said Spectre, isn't he in the business of universal balance?” Marinette was beyond curious now, and confused when Zatanna nodded. “Okay, so you want me to go against someone who has the balance of the universe as his guide for the most violent Robin we've ever had because…?”

“Because he's not a bad person. When he was a kid, he lived with bad people that taught and trained him to do bad things, but he's grown since then,” Zatanna said, sounding passionate and earnest. Marinette could feel her resistance crumbling and sighed before relenting. 

“Okay, fine, but they start getting fussy about the whole magic thing and I'm lodging a complaint,” she said sternly. “When are the bats expecting me to meet with them?”

“Er, as soon as possible? They've sequestered Señor Stabby on the Watchtower, so as soon as you're ready we'll head on up.”

_ _ _

Marinette could count on one hand the number of times she had been on the Watchtower before now and none of them had been happy times. Every time, it had been one of the innumerable bats who had made her regret attending, blatantly annoyed that they didn't have her identity. 

So she was disgruntled to be back, and to help them no less. The only reason she hadn't outright refused was because the latest Robin had been semi-respectful of her wishes and always admonished the others when possible. Well, not Batman, but anyone else? He would shut down the invasive questions if he was in earshot.

Really, if it hadn't been for his harsh demeanour she would have wanted to befriend the young man. But he had been blunt and dismissive of her as a hero, even as he respected her privacy. Whenever he had accidentally complimented her - and it was obviously never done on purpose - he followed it up with a cutting remark about her shortcomings.

Stepping into the meeting room after Zatanna, Marinette gave a weak smile that probably came across as a grimace. She was still short enough that people didn't automatically notice her when she walked in behind someone else, in spite of the spandex suit. But the moment the big bad Bat himself noticed her he started objecting.

“Zatanna, what is Ladybug doing here? I thought you were aware of how grave a situation this was,” he said in his growling voice. Marinette coughed to cover up the snort that escaped her at his almost pun. It didn't go unnoticed. “She isn't even taking this seriously!”

“Oh come on, you cannot say things like ‘grave’ when we are discussing the Spectre and not expect someone to find the humour,” she insisted, feeling justified when the blue one, Nightwing, gave a stressed giggle. “See? But if you do not wish for my assistance, I understand and will be on my way.”

“Tt, that is not necessary,” Robin said, glaring at Batman in warning. “I apologise on behalf of my father, he is concerned for my well-being and it makes him unnecessarily combative.”

“...father?” Marinette was stunned and trying to maintain some semblance of calm as Batman gave Robin an exasperated look. Putting a pin in that, Marinette tried to regain a professional air. “Okay, whatever, I don't even want to try and unpack all of that. If you want my assistance I'm more than willing under the condition that nobody attempts to uncover my identity as a result of said help.”

“You would put your conditions ahead of the safety of another vigilante?” Red Robin said, clearly thinking it was a smart observation. Marinette merely raised an eyebrow which was, sadly, hidden behind her mask.

“You would put your curiosity ahead of the safety of your teammate?” she shot back, cocking a hand onto her hip and waiting as the young man flushed. “Yes, I am putting my safety first because believe it or not, I value my life, not to mention valuing the safety of the magic within my purview. If you want my help, you will follow my rules or face consequences.”

A short silence followed her statement but the bats eventually agreed. She listened carefully as they outlined the problem they were facing and Marinette grew more concerned the longer they spoke. She had heard of Spectre and knew that he was relatively single minded in his quest for justice.

Finally, they all agreed that Marinette and Robin would be holing up in a flat in Gotham until the threat was neutralised. While the idea of living with the youngest of the Gotham vigilantes filled her with anxiety, she was determined to help. Besides, she knew Zatanna had a couple of tricks up her sleeve that could help protect her identity.

_ _ _

“Thank you, for agreeing to help me,” Robin said as they set up the kitchen. Marinette made a non-committal grunt as she stowed different ingredients in their cupboards and refrigerator. They had portalled in as Pegabug and Robin from the WatchTower, and Marinette was making trips back and forth from her home in Paris.

When she was finally done, she turned to face Robin to lay some ground rules. So she was more than a little surprised when she faced him and he was missing his mask. She flushed as she got caught in the most beautiful green eyes she had ever seen.

“I thought it would be expedient to get this over with,” he said after an awkward silence. 

“Right, of course,” she said, tearing her gaze away. Calling for her detransformation, she felt the wash of magic as it rolled away from her. She held out a hand to him and tried to will calm into her voice. “You can call me Bridgette, if you want.”

Damian relaxed slightly as he took in the young woman before him. She was short, with mousy brown hair and hazel eyes. She looked to be of Indian descent and was looking at him nervously. He felt an absurd amount of relief that she was not as appealing to him now that she did not have gorgeous wide blue eyes, and black hair that gleamed blue in certain lights. He was unsure how he would have handled the close quarters with Ladybug if she had been as attractive as a civilian.

“You may call me Damian,” he answered. “I assume we will be able to stay relatively separate during our stay here, but in case it is relevant, I am a vegetarian.”

“Oh, cool, that's good to know,” Bridgette said, her voice a lot lower than it was as Ladybug.

Over the next couple of days, Damian and Bridgette settled into a comfortable routine. Bridgette would go out in her civilian form to get food and other household necessities, and Damian remained inside at all hours of the day. Whenever she was gone, he found himself more on edge, suspicious of every dark corner and empty room.

It was very domestic, and frustrating for Damian, but he had to admit that he didn't dislike her company. All of the qualities that he admired in Ladybug shone through, and he found that he gravitated towards her. She would ask him questions about why Spectre was after him, and make plans to help capture their adversary so that she could keep him safe.

On the third day of containment, Bridgette mentioned that they should probably make a plan for if Spectre found them in their temporary abode. As she discussed an evacuation plan which involved him using Kaalki - a miniature horse that powered the Miraculous of teleportation - a small red bug-thing floated in Bridgette's face.

“Guardian, is it really wise of you to share so much information with him?” The tiny thing squeaked, and Damian had to work very hard not to jump. Bridgette gave the creature assurances, although Damian wasn't sure what he had done to earn her trust.

At their shared meal that evening Bridgette mentioned that she would need to leave the following afternoon, and gave him a phone number to contact her on if something happened whilst she was away. 

_ _ _

On the day after her trip back to Paris for a fashion show, Marinette felt like she was drained both physically and mentally. The amulet that changed her appearance and voice used her own powers to fuel it. She needed to end the threat of Spectre before it went too far and she ended up a liability instead of a help.

“What do you think to showing up somewhere you're supposed to be as a civilian to draw him out,” Marinette asked while they were watching television. She tried to force down a blush when he turned and looked at her, cursing his attractiveness. “Because I don't know about you, but I have real life things to be doing. And as lovely as this has been, it's not really sustainable long term.”

“This has been enjoyable for you as well?” Damian asked, head tilting slightly. He had a pleased look on his face and she bit her lip to stop herself from agreeing too fervently. “I can see the point of it, we would just need to be cautious of any civilians becoming involved.”

They quickly discussed all of the places Damian was supposed to be in the next couple of days and settled on his work at an animal shelter as being least likely to have collateral damage. That meant they had twenty-six hours to make the plan as foolproof as possible, and Marinette was determined to get this right.

_ _ _

Watching Damian interact with the animals at the shelter was the last straw. Marinette could handle his polite manner. She could handle the respectful way he managed their close quarters. She could just about handle the admiration she could hear in his voice when they were discussing strategies.

But this green-eyed, tall, muscled man, who happened to be her age, talking softly to a blind dog so he didn't spook it? Letting it sniff his hand and lean into it so he could pet it? The way he calmed down animals before giving them necessary medications and comforting them afterwards? It was too much and she had to admit - to herself, no-one else - that he was perfect.

She felt guilt gnawing at her insides for deceiving him with Zatanna’s amulet, but she sure as hell hadn't wanted to give him her identity up front. But now…if the mess with Spectre got straightened out, she could see herself pursuing something more with this man.

About two hours into the night shift that Damian was taking, Spectre appeared. Marinette felt when the man entered the shelter and called for her transformation. She shoved Kaalki at Damian and made him transform as well. 

“You cannot hide him from me,” came a deep voice, and Marinette swung around to keep herself between the two. “Damian Al Ghul-Wayne’s crimes are numerous and I will kill him either way. He must pay for the crimes he has committed in his youth.”

“You're not touching him while I'm here,” she snarled back at him, swinging her yoyo in a wide arc. “Damian may have committed crimes in his youth, but he is not that person anymore. And it is my understanding that he was led astray by others during that time. We cannot punish the man for a child's mistakes when they were forced upon him by his guardians.”

“He is a murderer,” Spectre rumbled, his hood obscuring his eyes as Marinette stared at him. “He is an assassin and ended the lives of many with no remorse.”

“He is remorseful,” Marinette declared. “Damian Al Ghul-Wayne is a changed man, I swear it upon my own honour as Ladybug, superheroine of Paris and Guardian of the Miraculous.”

“You would forfeit your own soul alongside his, should he fail?” The sentence cut through her but she refused to waver. When she nodded, Spectre paused before withdrawing slightly. “Very well. I shall be monitoring you, Damian Al Ghul-Wayne, and if you should return to your previous nature, both yours and Ladybug's lives are forfeit.”

_ _ _

“Well that was a little anticlimactic,” Marinette said once they were safely back in their shared apartment the next morning. “I thought there would be a fight, or something. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad we don't have to take on someone so powerful, but it almost feels like it was too easy.”

“You think it a light measure that you have bound your fate to mine?” Damian asked, eyebrows raised. 

“Well it's not like you're going to go out and turn to a life of crime now, is it?” She retorted, rolling her eyes. They were sitting together on the sofa they had shared for the past week. “Just keep doing your thing and we'll be fine.”

He paused before leaning towards her and speaking in a low voice. “Perhaps we should…continue to spend time together. So that you can be sure that I do not cross any lines.”

Heat tingled up her spine as she also leaned forward, their breath mingling. She wasn't sure who closed the distance but their lips met in a soft kiss. It was gentle and warm, not dispassionate but nor was it a searing kiss.

When they pulled apart, her eyes fluttered open again, almost immediately getting caught by his green ones. He moved in once more but she pressed her forefinger to his lips to make him pause.

“Before we go any further, I have to-”

“Ladybug, wait!” Marinette jumped as Tikki streaked into the room, looking at her Kwami bewilderedly. Damian looked annoyed but not angry. “You should leave your amulet in place, guardian, he has been tricking you.”

“What do you mean-”

There was a banging on the door and Marinette looked at it, confused. Hardly anyone knew who lived in this apartment, and nobody from Marinette's life. Damian tensed further when they heard a familiar growling voice demand to be let in.

“Hello, Batman, to what do I owe this…pleasure?” Marinette asked, anxiety and worry building in her gut. The feeling strengthened when he didn't seem surprised by her appearance.

“They were spying on you, Ladybug,” Tikki said immediately, holding out a tiny electronic device. Marinette took it, a cold spreading through her as she turned it in her hands. “That device was embedded in the door. I apologise that I did not find it sooner, Guardian.”

“We put in safety measures to ensure that our teammate would remain unharmed,” Batman growled at Tikki. Marinette felt her hackles raise immediately, and she pinned Damian with a glare. “But since we are on the subject, what are you hiding that you needed to use magic to disguise your identity? There is nobody of your description ever having lived in Paris.”

“You thought I would take no precautions because you told me you wouldn't pry?” Marinette asked derisively as she strode towards the door, heart aching. She had thought that Damian had been sincere, that he was a good person. She had put her own soul in jeopardy to vouch for him and she squashed the bitter thought that she shouldn't have. “I hope that your curiosity was worth it, messieurs, do not ask me for favours in future.”

Damian watched Ladybug stalk out of the building and wanted to follow, to explain that he had had no part in this treachery. She stopped in the doorway to deliver her parting line and she looked directly at him. His breath caught at the utter betrayal in her eyes.

And then she was gone, the door closing heartbreakingly softly behind her. The apartment they had been sharing for the past week - had it only been a week? - instantly seemed duller without her. He finally turned to look at his family, all of whom were in some degree of panic.

“-walked out on this assignment, we should revoke her Justice League membership,” Tim was arguing. “And we'll need to have someone come and take over, move him to a more secure location-”

“We will deal with that momentarily, she knows our identities, she's a risk,” Bruce was saying, evidently frustrated with how this had played out. “We will all have to be in more secure locations in case she decides to share that information-”

“I am not at risk,” Damian said quietly. “Bri- Ladybug has already secured my safety and Spectre has been dealt with. You have destroyed any possibility of having her as an ally and you risked my own life to do it.”

“She would never have walked out on a job half-finished,” Dick said immediately. The others nodded in agreement, but Damian snarled at them.

“If that is the case then you had no reason to worry about finding her identity,” he hissed, anger getting the better of him. “Either she is trustworthy enough to have been allowed her privacy, or she is a dangerous anomaly and you risked my life to try and get information about her. You cannot have it both ways.”

Unable to bear the guilty looks of his family, nor the empty feeling that hollowed his gut, Damian stalked out of the apartment as well.

_ _ _

The past two months had been tense. And brutal. And Damian wasn't sure how he was supposed to return to his normal life after everything that had happened with and because of Ladybug. The relationship with his family was strained, although they were slowly building trust back.

A few days after everything had happened, Zatanna had stormed the Watchtower to speak with Batman. She had sworn and raged, ripping into the Justice League founder as she detailed exactly how badly they had messed up. His father had tried to defend his actions but Zatanna had coldly informed them that there was no need to find her identity any longer because Ladybug had resigned from the Justice League Dark.

“Two entire years of working with her, gaining her trust and getting her to agree that working with us was in the world's best interests, and you absolute boneheads screw us over in a week!” She screamed. “So thank you for that! You are damned lucky she resolved your issue with Spectre before she left, because I'm not sure I would bother!”

Looking back on the interaction hurt as he got ready for the annual Halloween gala. He had promised to attend on the premise that he would not need to attend another until Christmas, but he was regretting it today. There was supposed to be a family friend in attendance which was why Bruce had insisted he be there, for their public image.

The gala started much as it always did - loud and filled with obnoxious people. He saw a lot of the usual crowd and gave brief greetings as he worked his way to his favourite corner. It wasn't unusual for the youngest Wayne not to mingle and he was ever more grateful for his outward persona.

He scanned the crowd once more and saw his family chatting with a loud purple haired man who was practically hanging off of Bruce's arm. He grit his teeth before deciding that greeting the ‘old school friend’ of Bruce's would be best done sooner rather than later.

As he approached, he saw a stunningly attractive young woman standing next to the purple haired man. She looked bored, with an underlying discomfort or sadness that resonated within him. He watched as she was introduced to each of his brothers and sisters, her head nodding every now and then.

“Ah, and here's my youngest!” Bruce said with forced cheer. “Miss Dupain-Cheng, this is my son, Damian. Damian, this is my friend Jagged Stone and his niece, Marinette.”

“Good evening,” Damian said, trying to keep his voice cordial. This woman had no idea that he was angry with his family and she didn't deserve to have his anger directed at her.

Strangely, the moment he spoke she froze. He could see the tenseness in her shoulders before she turned to look at him, and she seemed to pale as she looked at his face. She whispered a quiet hello but turned around just as abruptly. 

Damian was confused by the dismissal but decided to take advantage, giving a curt farewell to his family and informing them that he would be leaving soon to get an early night.

Bruce frowned after Damian, already turning to apologise to his guests. Marinette seemed shaken by his rudeness and he didn't want to mortally offend her. “He doesn't socialise well normally, but he is a little miffed with us currently,” he explained, making sure to look appropriately charming and dejected.

“Oh no, mate, what happened?” Jagged said, sounding concerned. Marinette looked curious but also wary - for what reason, Bruce couldn't tell.

“We had a difference in opinion during a recent stalker issue,” Bruce said smoothly. “We had to hire an unknown bodyguard and to keep him safe we kept an eye on them. He decided that meant we didn't trust him, but honestly we're mostly just glad that he's still around to be mad at us.”

“I'm sorry, I must excuse myself,” Marinette said suddenly, giving them all a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Bruce nodded but she moved away from them hastily. Jagged watched her go with a furrow in his brow and Bruce asked if everything was alright.

“Yeah, I'm fine, just worried about Nettie,” the rockstar said. “She's been in a funk for a while now and I was hoping that coming out tonight would help.”

“Marinette will be fine,” Jagged's partner, Penny, said as she joined them. She gave Jagged a kiss on the cheek before continuing. “I'm pretty sure she's nursing a broken heart, you know what rotten luck she has with boyfriends.”

“But that's just it, she hasn't had a boyfriend since that whole thing with Henry!” The pair began to bicker and Bruce began to zone out from it.

Meanwhile Marinette was walking quickly after Damian. She had recognised him instantly, just the sound of his voice making her heart pound and mouth dry. When he had stormed off, she had been relieved, at least until Bruce (Batman, she thought absently) had jovially commented that Damian hadn't actually been a part of the complete violation of her trust.

She caught sight again of his broad shoulders at the bar. She slid next to him cautiously, ordering her own drink. He didn't seem startled when she appeared but he did seem curious. She turned and smiled at him nervously, more a quirk of her lips than a true smile.

“I believed that I had made a poor first impression,” he remarked after his drink arrived. She felt the butterflies in her stomach take flight again and stared at her hands, shrugging. “Apologies, I do not mean to be rude but…why did you follow me to the bar?”

“Maybe I just wanted to get a drink,” Marinette replied, daring to glance at him. She thanked the bar staff as her drink was handed to her and she turned fully towards the man who had so thoroughly enchanted her before. He looked at her sceptically and she chuckled drily. “Or maybe your father mentioned that you were mad at your family for something and it made me curious about your side of things.”

“Tt, my father should not have mentioned it,” Damian said, glaring at his own drink. Hope fluttered in Marinette's veins, her hands tightening around her glass. “My family is incapable of trusting my judgment and have destroyed my reputation with someone I care deeply for. They have earned my ire, even if they believe differently.”

“How did they destroy your reputation?” Marinette asked quietly, looking up at him and getting caught in the same green eyes that had been haunting her for the past two months. He seemed to hesitate so she motioned with her head for him to follow her. “Maybe we could step onto the balcony?”

Damian didn't know why he was talking to this woman. He didn't know why he was following her to the empty balcony, but he felt at ease with her. Perhaps it was because she had similar features to Ladybug, her blue eyes and dark hair making him ache in a familiar way.

“My father hired a security guard for a recent problem I had,” he said, wanting to present his side clinically. He wanted this woman to agree that he was right, that he hadn't overreacted to the absolute invasion of privacy. So he launched into a fairly precise recounting of the issue, only omitting the magical aspects.

“And the timing of the revelation meant that she believed me to be party to the deception,” he said hollowly. Marinette seemed to be shocked by the story and he regretted being quite so open with everything. He was ready to apologise for his forwardness when she blew out a breath.

“I mean, in my defense, you looked really guilty,” she said, grimacing. He frowned at her, not quite sure what she was saying. “And I was about to take the charm I was wearing off and tell you my actual name when Tikki stopped us.”

“...Ladybug?” He whispered, setting his glass on the balcony rail as he turned to look at her fully. She nodded and he felt like he was short-circuiting. She seemed to hesitate at his lack of reaction and he immediately grabbed her upper arms. She held still as he let his eyes sweep her face.

“Surprise? Sorry, I know you probably would have preferred I just stayed out of your-”

She was cut off by his mouth covering hers, his hand cupping her cheek almost possessively. She reached up to twine her arms around his neck, pulling herself flush against him. In between kisses, he murmured soft apologies, his other hand pressing firmly against her lower back.

They eventually broke apart, and Damian thanked whatever gods had made him choose the dark corner of the balcony for their conversation, because they were completely hidden from the ballroom. She looked up at him in the dark and he found himself memorising the lines of her face anew. 

A sudden loud noise from the ballroom made them both jump, though not enough to let go of each other. They edged towards the doorway of the balcony and relaxed when they realised it was just Jagged Stone starting a set for the gala.

“I thought I would never see you again,” Damian said softly, reaching for her again. 

“I mean, that was the plan,” she admitted begrudgingly. “And if I'd known who you were, I probably would have told Jagged I had to miss this party. But I'm really glad I came.”

“You didn't know who I was?” Damian asked, confused and a little stunned. “But Spectre gave you my full name, how could you not know who I was? Not to mention that I am fairly famous.”

“I mean, in Gotham, sure,” Marinette said teasingly, hand coming up to run through his hair. “But I'm from France? And I only really follow fashion, so you weren't familiar to me on sight.”

He fell quiet and leaned into her touch. His arms circled around her waist again and pulled her flush against him. He was slightly overwhelmed by the circumstances but relieved that he had found her again. She pulled lightly on his hair as her fingers ran through it and he sighed, content.

Part 2