#who does one have to blow to have a decent RP partner

[fwooofy]

Can you bless us with some general Sasori HCs?

I'm sorry for how late this answer is, still not used to checking Tumblr - But thank you for the ask!!

Here are some of my Sasori HCs - It got a big longer than I anticipated, but I legit never shut up about Sasori lol

(Slaps the top of Hiruko) this bad boy can fit so much neurodivergence and trauma. Specifically I see him with ASD, he's somewhere on the spectrum, special interest is puppets. Sasori gives off narcissistic traits, he also has a big control issue. Things have to go this way, be done like this. Man also has routines, do not fuck with them. The shit Chiyou did to him as a child left its mark, its way more then just he hates waiting.

Human Sasori has freckles! (this one is self indulgent as a natural red head) Sasori had freckles, and its one detail he left off his puppet body. His puppet body is roughly the same size of his human form, if not a bit bulkier but its to fit tons of weapons and poisons inside himself. No one expects the short king to stab you in a vital point, it works to his advantage. If you look at Sasori and think he will be easy to take on because of his smaller stature, you've already fallen for his trap

Sasori left his village at 15, and we know he's 35 in the Anime. I personally hc him to be late teens, when we see his fight with Konan. And its somewhere in his 20's or so when he turned himself into a puppet. Oh how I wish we knew this process!!! But I like to HC that his human body is sealed away in a scroll somewhere in the back of his storage. It's roughly 17/18 in age, and probably incapacitated. If he transferred himself back into that body, he'd be weak and sick and would have to recover. The reasons he still has his human body is in the event he has to fix his puppet body and can't be in it- Ya never know (good rp material too)

During his rouge years, and when he was still human. Sasori was going on murder tours legit for 'Art Supplies' - Rouge Sasori is very different from the puppet man we know, he's free from his village, doing his art. Slaughtering villages along the way. I hc his mental health was at his lowest, and he /didn't care./ He was definitely on one, thank god Konan found him lol - Apathetic, uncaring, this is where he got his title Akasuna / Of the Red Sands

He gets along with some of the other Akatsuki members. I like to think Sasori and Kakuzu are actually decent friends/comrades. Both are one of the original Akatsuki members, along with Itachi. Both are old, some fashion of immortal, they both keep to themselves but when they cross paths they get along rather well, even if its for a short time. I'd say he also respects Itachi, but both are men a few words. No strong feelings.

Sasori actually does appreciate other forms of art, we see this in the hidden series where he and Deidara find someone who makes a specific kind of pottery, same when he fought Konan he brought up her jutsu being art. Knowing Sasori can look at other art forms, its telling about him and Deidara's fights. His opinions on Deidara's art is /personal/ - I feel like, Sasori was willing to say the sculptures themselves is art, but the second Deidara blows it up and makes that conflict with his personal art philosophies.... Is where the actual strife is. But he doesn't disregard Deidara's skill, just what he does in the end. But after so long of arguing over what /true art is/ it's now just personal beef. "Your art sucks, get a real hobby."

Sasori HATES Orochimaru. I honestly don't think these two were 'close' when Orochimaru was his partner. Honestly I think Sasori thought Orochimaru was off putting, their ideals of how to get immortality differ nor do I think Orochimaru would of cared for Sasori's art. I don't think there was any strong feelings, UNTIL Orochimaru left. Sasori suddenly was like, "FUCK THAT SNAKE FUCKER! He attacked one of our members and then went AWOL?!?!". Sasori was with Pein when Orochimaru was recruited, didn't want him to join in the first place - and I know Sasori just muttering under his breath like "I knew we never should of let him in, no one fucking listens to me. I should of killed him" - And because Oro left, they needed to find a new membber- So that means Sasori was than inconvenienced with having to find a new partner, and oooooooo he hates that snake SO MUCH.

His relationship with the Kazekage is always a fun thing to think about - and normally for me it gets into more ship / trauma related things. BUT without those themes, I think Sasori has strong, hate filled feelings for his country and its leaders. They /used/ him for this war, he was making puppets to kill. Chiyou's bullshit aside from fucking him up, this was something he grew to hate. We don't know how or when he took the Kazekage, we only know that it was hard and he left 0 trace, it's why the puppet is his favorite. With Sandaime taken, the sand spent all their recourses looking for him making them weak and easy to attack. This was part of Sasori's plan, one final fuck you to his village. As well as the bragging rights of legit stealing and now using 'The strongest kazekage known to the Sunagakure history' - I can only imagine his smug face and sense of superiority.

[iomhair]

Count Bodies Like Sheep

It is almost quiet when Jacob walks through the night that surrounds London. The sound of firm steps over the cobblestone breaks the silence and holding the springs of his excitement all coiled up. He saw this city from above, he was an invisible witness to its secrets, he could run its roofs with the eyes closed, but now it was the time to face London from beneath. Jacob breathes in fully, watching the bright moon over the roofs, and touching his brass knuckles with the bare fingertips. The hood falls down and Jacob smirks into the darkness – tonight he is just Jacob Frye and he will claim this city once and for all.

He can already feel it – the growing sound of panic and disarray in the distance, the scent of fear and rage. But there was nothing that could stop him at this point. Strand was the last borough to claim, the Rooks were getting ready for this night and Jacob knew that he would not let them down.

The streets around him are slowly getting alive, and Jacob senses every single movement, sees every shadow, he even feels the vibration of the cobblestone. He stops for only a second and steps on the white armband with the bright red symbol on it, denting it into the dirt.

Jacob sees the light of torches as he keeps on walking forward, finally leaving the shadows behind, finally seeing his targets in the distance, finally ready to strike. The crowd of templars ahead is growing, it’s easy enough to notice them, but Jacob is not scared at the slightest. His smile is almost devilish, his hands are steady, and the beating of his heart matches the sound of his steps.

Ten.

- Isn’t that a Frye boy? Heard you’d be coming to play tonight. Should have brought your sister, I bet she is more fun. I heard that she-

The laughs in the distance are getting louder as Jacob walks forward, parting the live corridor of men and striking without any delay, not letting the templar finish the sentence and quickly cutting his throat.

Nine.

The lifeless body falls on the road in a complete silence. First blood is now flowing over the stone, colouring it crimson red and dissolving into the dirt.

- I don’t think you quite understand, lads. The price for talking out loud just got raised. And I doubt any of you could afford it.

The silence around him is almost deafening.

Eight.

The first hit is very much expected and Jacob dodges it, piercing the blade into the templar’s chest, quickly getting ready for the second strike, which follows almost immediately.

Jacob laughs as the next attempt to kill him fails miserably. The crowd of templars is getting bigger, but he moves through it graciously, striking with the absolute precision, seeing the blood dripping off his blade. The red trail follows Jacob further, deeper, it’s getting wider, it is covering his tracks and leaving absolutely no doubts in his intentions.

Seven.

His Rooks appear as if from nowhere, surrounding the Blighters. They run through empty streets and alleys, blocking all of the exits and sparing none of the templars, and the growing sound of his personal army is one of the best sounds that Jacob has ever heard in his life.

Six.

Jacob’s hands are soaked with someone else’s blood. Blood covers his jacket, drips off his face, getting mixed with sweat and soot. His head is spinning of this endless agitation, adrenaline kicks in and Jacob moves even faster, screaming with rage and some kind of euphoria, cutting through the crowd of templars on his way.

No one can match him. No one can stop him. And no one can survive his blade.

Five.

Jacob breathes in, looking around almost hazily through the eyelashes. Pile of bodies surround him, and he walks forward, stepping over the dead templars. The air is filled with the smell of gunpowder, smoke and explosives. Jacob already knows that London will never forget this night. It will stay on the streets of this city as another scar, cutting right through the middle of it and reminding the people of the newly crowned king of the streets. Oh, the stuff of legends.

Four.

The bright lights of Alhambra are getting closer and Jacob’s heart beats in the anticipation. Isn’t this why he is here? Isn’t this his final destination?

- You just wait…

The whispers slips off Jacob’s lips, and he licks them immediately, feeling the unmistakable taste of blood.  

Three.

He finally walks to Alhambra, raising up his head and seeing the familiar silhouette in one of the windows. Roth…

Two.

Jacob wants to run. Everything inside him beats in the burning excitement and a painful longing. The drums of war are almost deafening and Jacob knows that he needs to finish it here and now.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.

One.

No one stops him when he enters the theatre and walks right to the open scene. The theatre is quiet, unlike the London streets, and almost none of the chaos that he has caused made its way into the gloomy halls of Alhambra. The darkness parts as Jacob walks forward, stepping through the heavy curtains and letting the chaos in with him.

And there he was.

Maxwell Roth was sitting on some sort of throne, surrounded by the flickering candlelight, holding the goblet in his hand. His thin fingers were running over the heavy metal cup, stroking the intricate ornament. He seemed to not even pay attention what was happening around, but Jacob realized that it was just an illusion – Roth saw everything what happened. He knew.

- And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?

The hoarse voice echoes in the empty hall, making Jacob stop just for a second. He knows these lines, he has heard them before. Jacob smirks, touching the gauntlet and unsheathing the hidden blade, still stained with templar’s blood.  

- And not just one, - he shows off the blade, openly bragging, - You know, there are better weapons than the… vorpal sword if you ask me.

Jacob watches as Roth laughs out loud and raises his goblet before making a sip.

- Darling. I have never doubted your intelligence.

The power balance between them shifts before Jacob could even notice it. Each step brings him closer to Roth, and each step makes him lose the unspoken sense of control. The invisible strings are getting loose one by one - Jacob can feel them slipping through his fingers, dissolving into the shadows, burning in the dim light. It should make him panic – but it does not. He steps closer, now walking right to the scene, openly staring at Roth. Daring. Provoking.  

- I have just killed the last ones of your gang. Shouldn’t you be worried at the very least?

At this point Jacob does not even recognize his own voice. He is almost shaking when he walks to the dark throne, eagerly stepping into the shadows that surrounded Roth and watching the man from below, breathing in deeply, desperately trying to calm himself down. Jacob knows that he exists on a sheer adrenaline now. He is a match that needs a single sparkle. A bullet that is ready to be shot. A last drop of blood that balances the scales of life and death.  

- Not at the slightest, my dear. I always knew who you were. In fact… I welcomed you. I always will.  

Roth stands up, stepping to the edge of the scene and suddenly Jacob feels the cold hand on his cheek: delicate fingers are stroking his face, while gently removing the dried blood and smearing the dirt over. Their eyes meet and Jacob’s heart stops beating for a second. The tension is getting unbearable at this point, and just like that Jacob realizes that all his remaining confidence dissipates with a single touch, giving way to something unknown, something that he was terrified to even think about.

And Jacob succumbs.

With the quiet sigh he leans into Roth’s hand, allowing the touch, ready to accept whatever happens next, diving into the abyss, just like he did earlier on the streets of London. Roth’s fingers are stroking his temple, his cheek, they run down to Jacob’s lips, opening them oh so slightly, and Jacob tries his best to hold the needy moan, as he feeling the familiar taste of iron that was now somehow getting mixed with the taste of wine. He can’t even look away, getting completely lost in the gaze of the cold green eyes, staring back at him.

Roth’s fingers are now stroking his hair, letting the messy strands slide over this palm. The grip of his fist is getting tighter, but Jacob does not care. In fact, he welcomes it.

- My dear boy. So much I want to show you…

It is almost a ritual, some sort of a dark and twisted baptism, but Jacob is barely able to process this realization. Instead he is pressing his lips right to the Roth’s palm, gently sliding them down to his wrist just so he could feel the other man’s pulse, desperately wishing it to match his own.

- Come with me. Tonight we celebrate. 

And it does match.

OST: 

Counting Bodies Like Sheep To The Rhythm Of The War Drums

The Untold

My huge thanks to @jocobof and our nightly discussions <3 Oi, listen, it did not end up like I planned, but I hope you’ll enjoy it nonetheless. 

[thevoilinauttheory]

Okay but for the "Romance and friendship ship asks" - petition for you to just answer all of them, LiveJournal interview meme style, lol. (I'll do it too if you will!)

(( Okay, but first I gotta start with... I still don’t know wtf LiveJournal is. I, uh. I’m not an internet-savvy person, unfortunately (I’m *still* trying to figure out what xkit is and why it’s so important to tumblr, so I usually just smile and nod when it’s brought up lol). I can’t even figure out how to work twitter or facebook. The fact that I learned how to tumblr is a miracle.

And next: A lot of these questions are really heavily dependent on the situation I’m in, unfortunately! So some may not have very clear answers. I’m going to put this ENTIRE thing under the cut - for several reasons. One, it’s long. And two, there’s some sensitive material that’s either triggering [allusions to sexual assault and manipulative behavior ], or NSFW. 

A huge thanks to @renofmanyalts, @spotofmummery, @lukawarrioroflight, and @cadrenebula for the asks on this meme! ))

So without further ado - here’s all of the answers to the questions for the “Romance and Friendship Ship Asks”!

1. When you RP a ship do you prefer to make everything be smooth sailing all the time or do you allow conflicts to arise?

I don’t mind either way, so long as my RP partner… y’know, talks with me. I’m reminded of an instance in the past where my RP partner wanted conflict, but took it to a whole other extreme to the point where it physically hurt to RP through. One of my characters, in a serious relationship with theirs; ended up kidnapped, drugged, and assaulted - resulting in the assailant getting pregnant. Now, when my character comes to - only semi-aware of what happened to them; absolutely distraught and hurting once they learned the truth; my partner’s character comes in and berates them for cheating, being unfaithful, not trying hard enough - essentially victim blaming. If I had been warned of this, I would not have agreed to playing this situation out. With adequate warning, however, I’m usually fairly open to anything. So, yes. It really does depend. I would prefer smooth sailing, and with warning, am very okay with conflict in a ship.

2. Do you like to RP smut when you RP a ship?

This one’s doozy lol. The base answer is, I do! I find the smut scenes to be very big character building situations - giving more detailed information on what a character is like in an intimate situation; what quirks they have, and whatnot. Sometimes it’s story building too - and I’m all about that story and character building. BUT. I will not. My IRL spouse is not comfortable with me doing so, and I respect that. So I will not ERP as long as they remain uncomfortable with it.

3. Do you like to plan a ship out or just let it happen?

Usually, all of the ships I have just… happen. Nothing’s quite planned except “what character would interact well with this one” - not with the explicit purpose of shipping (romantically), but more of seeing what kind of interactions can blossom. However, I’m not opposed to planning, if that’s what’s more comfortable with my RP partner.

4. Do you prefer monogamous or poly ships?

I, personally, have no preference. So long as the poly relationship is played out properly (i.e. the people who use being poly as an excuse to cheat/be unfaithful to their partner(s)). I don’t excuse people giving us poly folks a bad name. So I have no preference… but my characters do! Each preference is listed in their profile, whether or not they are monogamous or polyamorous / what their sexual and romantic orientations are. (tbh tho, all of them are negotiable)

5. Are there any characters that you want a ship for?

Ha ha. Yes. Quite a few, actually. (If not all of them, for shipping in a general sense.)

6. Do you like friend-with-benefits ships?

With warning ahead of time, yes. Whether IC or OOC - OOC is preferable, because some of my characters’ personalities make them very easily attached to others. The best example is Danny, with what some of the more recent ask answers show. And I want to make sure that the character is good for the situation. Though I do have a couple characters that would prefer to keep it at the “friends-with-benefits” stage, and if that’s a character or plot I want to play, I would ask my RP partner about it first.

7. Have you ever regretted a ship, romantic or otherwise?

Mmm… I want to say yes. I really do. Even the ones that screwed me over, though, part of me can’t help but cherish them in some strange way. Each one of them has been an experience for me and my character. But. I think… there is one yes in there. ...Maybe a couple, but all of those ships were with the same RP partner. At the time, though, those ships were my lifeblood - upon reflection… they were all pretty yikes. And I’ve got another friend as my witness lol.

8. Do you like to be friends with the people you have ships with?

I have to be friends with the people I ship with. I can do walk up RP with strangers, get to events and all that - but if someone is wanting a romantic ship with me, I need to know them as a person, not as their character. And I need them to know me as a person, too; that I’m not my character(s). Honestly, I prefer to be friends with all of my RP partners anyways! Ship or no! I like learning about people as they are, not just as their character(s) are.

9. What do you look for in a writing partner for ships?

Just… I guess, a decent person? That’s very vague, and that’s because it’s true. I want someone that understands that life gets in the way a lot, and that I might have to pause a thread or two until I can get myself situated. RP does not come before real life, and I want my partners to understand that as much as I do. I will drop threads with people who show toxic behaviors - not without talking to them first, of course, but if it blows up, then I’m done. I can’t put myself in a situation like that again.

10. Do you think romantic ships should be long-term?

Mm. This is another tough one. Which I think coincides a lot with the next question as well. If my partner wants a romantic ship to end, then as long as they talk about it with me, I’m totally fine with it - a day, two, a month, years? I don’t mind as long as I have warning, and things are talked through first. I’ll cover the rest of my thoughts on this in the next question.

11. How do you handle an absent RP partner that you have a ship with?

First, I’d be incredibly worried! I do have some friendships that disappear for a few months, then come back, and I don’t mind those at all. But if I make a new friend, and I don’t know if they’re prone to that, then I’d be worried about their safety! I’ll reach out first, as many times as I need to. I want to make sure that my friend is safe and in a good place. If they respond with “I’m alive, just stuff going on”, the ship won’t be dropped. I won’t drop ships due to absence, not right away - unless otherwise told to by my RP partner (maybe because they know they won’t be around, or they’re quitting the game, etc). If my RP partner is absent for a minimum of three to six months or longer *without* any sort of contact, I will tell them that there will be a pause on our ship and there’s a possibility of the character finding another… but also that if their life allows it, and they’re keen on it, I will pick up the ship again in the future. tl;dr: I want to make sure that my RP partner is in a safe place before I make any comments to dropping a ship.

12. How often do you think people should RP when they have ships together?

As often as it is comfortable for everyone involved. Whether that’s everyday, once a week, or twice a month. I, personally, have no issues with time. If RP isn’t being done, then I’m memeing or asking questions or putting terrible ideas into my RP partners’ heads.

13. Do you RP out all interactions or do you assume some things happen ‘off-screen’ with your ships?

Assumption, always. Even if we don’t play out those interactions, we’ll talk about them. “So it’s likely that [x] has happened during [x] time since [RP session]”. RPing out all interactions would take up a lot of time, and lead to a lot of disappointment - especially if you equate “one day irl = one day in RP”.

14. Is there anyone you know that you want to have an RP ship with (romantic, friendship, hateship, rival, ect.)?

My only answer to this is: yes, absolutely. My only clarification is: all of my wonderful followers - you all have such amazing characters, how could I not want a ship (in the general sense)?

15. What’s the most important thing you’ve learned when it comes to RPing ships?

The most important thing I’ve learned… happens to be two things. 1) Communication is your greatest tool. Not communicating with your RP partner about anything will cause everyone grief. If something makes you uncomfortable, if there’s a thread you want to try, if there’s a thread you want to drop - you need, need, NEED to talk to your RP partner. and 2) Your RP partner is a person, just like you. You cannot expect them to shit out a thread on command; nor can you expect them to write when there’s stress going on in their life. Your RP partner is your friend, and you should treat them as such. If the going is tough, make sure they know that they aren’t pressured into writing, and that you’re there for support. If there’s stress in your life, it’s on you to warn your partner - and trust that they treat you like a person too.

[weapon-turned-jack]

//So I have no words for this as I never expected to have many people following an oc let alone a child oc but here we are.

This blows my mind and does make me very happy but still its like wow. Also this is with me sometimes being silent for a while and I feel I have to thank the whole community for this. When I get some money I’ll probably do a little giveaway to give back to the people that help me have fun and enjoy life but under a read more I am gonna get extra sappy for some people who have really helped make my time here enjoyable a little more so.

@the-storm-chaser: One of my longest friends and a ship partner on another blog. Also one of the most fun people to chat with and talk to stuff about. Fantastic art, fantastic rper and fantastic friend all in one.

@theplasmablade and @thecrystalchoreographer: One of the first few people who really took to Jack and now have affected so many plots and helped me have Jack grow. The stories they all have and the family that Jack has is something I could have never expected and really I don’t think I can thank the mun enough for all that has happened and hope I am a decent friend and partner in return.

@iceflowers: Another one of the first people I interacted with when I first made Jack. Yun is always willing to teach Jack and was one of the first people to give him a name unique to only them two. I keep looking forward to seeing how Jack grows with Yun’s help.

@vermilion-bloom: One of Jack’s first Aunties. We haven’t been able to rp much but still Jack will always run to hug or play with Maggie c:

@darkin-of-shurima: Almost forgot but Achara has been a lot of fun to talk with  and plot with both on tumblr and on discord. Also was one of the people I talked to when I first made Jack and between their own threads and their new lives as a mother/son combo with the marriage to Kolkai the threads keep getting better c:

@lightinmismatchedeyes​: One of Jack’s first moms and one of the first people to follow me on this blog. They have been through a lot and still go through much but Hikari’s love for Jack has always been great c:

There are a lot more people too and between blogs changing or deactivating but really so many make logging into tumblr great and fun for me and I hope to be here for a long time and continue to make more friends and more memories.

[sadistcatgirl]

i’m having kind of a bad time. it’s a bunch of little things, i think. just a deep sense of dissatisfaction about everything i’m doing. i’m not cutting this post, deal with it.

i recently had a kinda shitty fallout with somebody i considered a pretty decent friend. i’m not completely blameless, and some of the things they said to me had traction, but the majority of it was a gross mischaracterization of me based on their perception of my intent behind doing certain things. but they never talked to me about it, never asked why i was doing those things, never told me that the things i was doing was upsetting to them until it was already too late and they were blowing up at me about it. i know this friend is in a bad mental health place, and i think a new person in their life is trying to isolate them from their old friends and social groups, but there’s only so much i can... do... about that. that might explain some of why they’re acting erratically. mostly i’m worried about my friend, worried they’re gonna do something dumb, but unable to extend the emotional effort to work through this in a real way. that leaves me feeling shitty.

talon and i have been working through some ideas on what she wants to do re: transitioning, and im not gonna go into any of that because its her business, but all of this talking about actions she does and doesn’t wanna take is making me feel some kind of way about my own inertia regarding my gender shit. i keep circling around it and it’s getting harder and harder not to admit that i’d probably be a lot happier as a trans guy, but i’m unable to make myself do any of the steps involved in getting there. i’m afraid of changing my body. it’s the only one i’ve ever had, and it’s always been like this. it’s easy to make grooming and wardrobe choices that get rid of gendered things that i was doing for gendered reasons as opposed to because i like them, but. i think i’d be a happier person if i took it further than that. i’ve never really given a lot of thought to actually doing that, because being the way i am now doesn’t make me feel bad. i have very little gender dysphoria, and the little that i do have is, like. it’s kinda background. it’s easily pushed aside. my tits are small. being soft feels pretty alright. but it’s like... it’s a neutral feeling only slightly bordering on positive, and i think i could feel a lot better if my body was a lot different. i’d rather feel good than neutral, even if feeling neutral isn’t harming me at all, you know? but god, that’s scary!! what if i’m not nearly as cute as a guy as i am as a person who passes as a girl?? i’m... i’m decently cute as a girl. i know this, even if i don’t really like being a girl. but what if i’m just a fucking ugly weird lookin dude? what if taking testosterone reacts negatively with my chronic illnesses? what if it gives me a worse eating disorder than i already have? would i ever even be able to achieve the kind of body i want? i don’t think i realistically can, and that’s always been the thing that stops me. i don’t super care about not having a dick or whatever, but i could never have the kind of build that i want. not with my anxiety and my chronic illnesses and my health troubles and all that bullshit. i can’t work out. i can’t build muscle. i don’t know where this line of thought is going, exactly, except that i’m just. i’m just not happy.

i’m frustrated by my job situation because my attention span keeps being shit and i cant force myself to focus for more than like 3-4 hours in an 8 hour workday, which means my productivity lags waaay behind my colleagues, and they know it. nobody that i work with likes me, they’re absolutely neutral on me at best and at worst some of them think i’m a lazy piece of shit because they see me being out here having a disability accommodation and probably undiagnosed adult adhd and just not performing at the level that they are, and they make their own assumptions as to why this is happening. some lady said something shitty to me about it earlier this year. i only barely skated in under the production quota for the year, which is on my mind because i just finished my performance self-appraisal.

talon just got a job and since she’s doing that for nine hours a day, i don’t get to see her nearly as much, and when we do see each other in the evenings we’re both too tired from work to really do much aside from sit together in silence doing our respective wind-down shit. i hate that. i like having a second income, and i know it makes her feel good to be holding something down, but ugh. i hate this.

i’m not satisfied with the pace of any of my roleplay stories, but i don’t wanna be a nagging or annoying roleplay partner, because god fucking knows i’ve had times when i needed other people to be patient with me. so i’ve been sitting on my hands and not harassing my partners too often, but i’m like. i’m all lit up like fucking christmas, and waiting is agony. it’s bursting to get out of me!! i just wanna get the words out!! i don’t know how to talk about that with them in a way that comes off how i want it to and not needy. or i guess i technically know how, i know exactly how to be like “hey could you just sorta give me a heads up on it if you can’t rp today? not rushing you, i just wanna know so i’m not waiting around for it.” but i don’t have the brainspace to make the diplomatic words go right now, not with all this other shit on me. so i don’t say anything because that feels better than trying and saying it wrong.

anyway i stopped in the middle of writing a roleplay post to write this post instead because i just started crying for no reason in my living room at 3am, lol. i know that sounds alarming, but i’m a really stable person who doesn’t do dumb shit. i’m just dealing with a lot of small buckets of water right now and collectively they’re too heavy to deal with so i gotta dump something. what else are blogs for, i guess.

[fanfictionconnectionwordpress]

Mystic Messenger Fanfiction | Vanderwood Backstory | Ch.8 Personal Drug

***This fanfiction covers my version of Vanderwood which I rp in this Mystic Messenger Discord server. Don’t forget to subscribe to the email list for access to R-Rated Scenes and my monthly newsletter. Check out my etsy to get yourself a plastic emoji. You can also support my writing on patreon and get access to my VIP Discord Server or other goodies like early chapter releases and hidden scenes. Chapter Directory.  ~Let’s Connect! FFC***

Why had they gotten saddled with the pretty one? Vanderwood didn't like the idea that they were training someone to be an agent in the first place, but why did she have to be attractive? It just made life difficult for him. Particularly because she kept rushing into every little damn thing. Rex seemed to enjoy the whole, teaching the rookie thing. He'd even nicknamed the girl Green, since she was new, not that either of them actually knew her by anything other than that and her serial number.

Maybe teaching was Rex's true calling. Vanderwood watched silently, hip against the wall, as Rex taught the girl how to shoot a gun. He'd be running the simulation with her, but Rex was taking over the technical aspects. Until they got a new undercover mission, Vanderwood was stuck at the Korea facility. Her vibrant red hair was a short and curly mess, brown eyes big and doe-like, a little mole just above her lip on the left side. What Vanderwood mostly paid attention to was the shape of her body. Tight ass, decent breasts, he could get into that. Still, better to stick to escorts rather than someone he worked with. The more contact to you had with them, the more they seemed to want out of you.

He snapped out of his little reverie as she looked over at him, catching his eyes with hers. Vanderwood snorted softly as he watched her look over him in pretty much the same way he just had her. It wasn't anything new for women to be interested in him, but he couldn't help but feel just a little ego boost.

***

They'd made it through most of the simulation now, and were entering one of the most dangerous portions. "This part simulates an escape situation. You need to figure out which is the safest escape route while taking out your enemies. That means suppressing fire." She was nodding to what he was saying, but he wasn't sure if she was actually listening because the look in her eyes told him she was mostly just feeling the adrenaline rush of it all. "I'll look for the escape route, a bit of a specialty for me, you take care of the enemies."

Okay, now she was listening. "I can do both." If Vanderwood was being honest, he wasn't surprised. No matter what he told her, she almost always thought she knew better. "No. Stick to what I asked of you. I'll let you switch next time." He had a spotless record in the simulators so far, had never been 'shot' by an 'enemy,' and he wasn't interested in her fucking that up. "Pay attention and get every single one, got that?" The way she was looking at him, raising her hand to mock him talking, Vanderwood's eyebrow twitched but now she gave him a big smile. "Sure, Vandy, I got it." Another eyebrow twitch, Vanderwood felt himself tense up and just decided to go for it, entering the next part of the simulation with her not far behind.

For all of five seconds, she'd listened to him. His eyes swept the room, and then she was rushing towards one of the 'doors' to test the 'lock'. "Green!" Shit, one of the fake enemies popped up behind her and he got off a 'shot' that direction only to feel a shock in his own side. Fucking shit. Vanderwood heard the alarm sound and the simulation end just as she got 'shot' too, watching her yelp at the shock. He pulled of the simulation vest, rubbing at his own side where he'd been shocked. Perfect record officially fucked up.

His eyebrow wasn't cooling down any time soon. "Look at you Vanderwood, no more perfect record to boast about." Rex thought it was hilarious. Vanderwood's eyes were dark as he looked over at Green who only blanched a little, a sheepish look on her face. "I told you. I fucking told you." He tossed his things into their proper place, heading back towards the dorm areas and his own room. Okay, so he was being extremely pissy over something that wasn't that huge of a deal, a game really, but if that had been real life with her, he would have been dead and so would she. Not that he valued his life, but he wasn’t about to die because someone else was being a complete idiot. Vanderwood could feel his muscles getting tighter by the second. He'd have to sneak out later and grab an escort.

Soft footfalls were running after him and he recognized the voice calling to him as she got up beside him. "Hey...Vanderwood, I'm really sorry. I just thought..." His own voice cut her off, tight and tense. "You knew better. You just thought you knew better than the experienced agent. As a rookie. You definitely knew better, huh? You realize in real life you would have gotten us both killed?" He'd reached his room now, unlocking it and yanking it open, as he went to close the door, she slipped in, too quick for her own good, irritating him even more. He turned to yell at her to get out, but she was looking up at him with this...sultry look that stopped him in his tracks.

"I'll make it up to you...in whatever way you want." The way she said that, the way she looked at him and went to slide her jacket off. Yep. Sex. She meant sex. And Vanderwood wanted sex right now, to relieve the tense and aching muscles that she'd caused to tighten up in the first place. His door closed, and he locked it swiftly, not caring at the moment that he worked with her, that she might think it was something else, too lost in the need for some relief to care that she'd been the one to cause it.

Green couldn't help the little celebration that was going on in her head as she let her jacket fall to the floor. She'd been interested in Vanderwood from the get go, but he was such a brooding guy. Rex had told her a few things about the way Vanderwood always ended up with an escort whenever he was stressed, so this was her in. Good thing she'd fucked up today. Now her hands went to his belt, wanting to undo it, but he grabbed her hands, confusion making her furrow her brows. "You don't touch me; I touch you."

(R-Rated Scene. Subscribe automatically and use your July password to open access this scene.)

Did she think this was going to be something? That's the only thought that slipped into his head as he pulled on some pajama pants. She was already putting her panties and her little belly shirt on. He hadn't noticed before, but her belly button ring had scratched him a little during sex, but he just shrugged that off. Vanderwood had bigger fish to fry, because she was already walking over to him, a satisfied grin on her face. "That was fun."

His eyebrow twitched lightly. Damn. "Yeah. That's all it was." Probably best to spell it out for her. Sometimes he really felt like a piece of shit when he picked women up for one night stands, and maybe that's what he was. "I don't do relationships. I'm not about to make an exception, understand?" Green frowned a little but tilted her head at him. "Who said I wanted anything other than sex?" Of course she did. It was clear how much less tense he was, the way he seemed to be able to breathe easier. She was a gambling addict herself, and she knew exactly what was going on with him. An idea formed almost instantly.

"Just let me help you out when you need it, and I'll be happy. I don't need anything else." Of course, that's how she would start, become his own personal drug. Eventually he'd let her in more, right? Easy enough. Brown eyes looked her over, then into her own to try and figure out what her angle was. If she wanted to be his casual hookup, nothing else, he didn't really care. "As long as you know your place." That was douchey, but he had to admit he wouldn't mind not having to shell out the big bucks all the time and training a woman to behave in bed just how he wanted, just in exchange for good sex? Not a bad deal.

***

How long had they been doing this now? Her training was almost up. Green would be out in the field with her own partner within another couple months and he'd be back to escorts. By now he'd moved into his own little apartment. Even though he had the money, he didn't care enough to get a big place. Vanderwood lit his cigarette and took a long drag. Green was laying next to him, wrapped up in sheets, but now she leaned over and caught his lips with hers catching the smoke that he blew before blowing it out herself.

Vanderwood's eyebrow twitched as her fingers trailed lightly over the little scars on his collarbone. "Off." She was quick to comply, sitting up in bed next to him as he did the same. Maybe another person would have found what she just did sexy, but he hated it. Brown eyes met brown and she just gave him a smile. He grimaced. "Don't do that. Are you trying to die?" Vanderwood took another long drag, not seeing the way she furrowed her brows. For as long as she'd known him, he'd been a smoker, mostly just doing it to minimize his stress before he could get a fuck, sometimes trying to smoke instead of have sex, but she usually talked him out of that. That question was just..."Are you?"

He didn't answer, stubbing out his cigarette in the ash tray on the nightstand. "Let me know when you get your first assignment, where you're going. If I'm nearby, we can still meet up." The past few months had been pretty great for him. She always knew what he wanted and how to give it to him. Occasionally she would try something like she had just a few minutes ago, but it was always easy enough to get her off of him. The only problem really was, it seemed like he needed sex a lot more often, and when he tried to get away with replacing sex with smoking she was always getting him to reconsider. Her voice broke his reverie. "What, my boyfriend will miss me if I'm too far away?"

Now he gave her another glare, making her shrink into herself a little. They'd been sleeping together for months and he still didn't want anything else from her? Vanderwood mumbled darkly. "We aren't dating. We'll never be dating." There was way too much wrong with him to allow for that. Really, he didn't like her all that much either. Not that there was really anything wrong with her, but the thought of a relationship with someone who was essentially a glorified sex toy? The thought made him want to vomit. He was disgusting. It had been pretty obvious to him before, but sleeping with Green only made it more obvious to him.

Green didn't seem to notice that side of him, the reason behind why he would try to smoke instead of have sex sometimes, thinking that was the only other way to cope. No, she had her own priorities. She lightly ran her hand through his hair, deciding it was about time she broke the rules. Maybe if she got him turned on enough, she could get her way? Let him know she was worth more to him than he thought? Vanderwood froze up at the contact, and then she was sliding her hand down his back, mumbling into his ear. "You could let me move in, I'll be your own personal drug whenever you need it, any time."

No. There was no way...Was that what she'd become? His own personal drug? So, she wanted to be his girlfriend that badly, and knew exactly what she was to him, but didn't want something better for either of them? Vanderwood's eyebrow twitched, and he tensed up hard, taking her hand and removing it from him, dropping it into her lap. "Don't touch me." God, he was getting really tense. Was that what she was going for?

She was busy thinking that she was getting what she wanted on some level. At least if he was irritated it wouldn't take much to get him to agree to sex. "Come on, Vandy honey. I'll make the stress go away, and we can sleep in the same bed rather than me running off all the time." Once again, she reached out to touch him and this time was met with a hard slap to the face. The fact that his hand was gloved didn't make it any gentler.

Vanderwood had officially reached his breaking point, getting up out of bed now and pulling on his pajama pants. "I told you I didn't want anything more than that, and I definitely don't want you to continue feeding my habit. Get out. I don't want to see you again." Green put her hand to her cheek staring at him flabbergasted. He wasn't even fucking looking at her. Vanderwood was breaking up with her like they'd never even been something. "But I've done so much for you! I was there whenever you needed-"

He cut her off, going to the door and holding it open for her. "Sex. Whenever I needed sex. Fun fact, I need help. Not sex." Was he really just now realizing that? His addiction was taking over his life again and he needed to reel it back, had been trying to reel it back, and she had only been making it worse. The worst part of it really was that she'd known all this time. Vanderwood's eyebrow was twitching again, not seeing her going towards the door, causing his volume to rise higher than it ever had around her. "I said get the fuck out!"

Green had been staring at him again, but now she scrambled to throw on her clothes. "You're a dick, you're a fucking dick, you know that?" She was just throwing whatever hate at him that she could as she grabbed her stuff, stopping to look up at him with tears in her eyes. Vanderwood almost felt sorry for her, but he'd told her from the beginning and this entire time she'd been using his weakness against him trying to get something out of him that he didn't want to give. As soon as she was out of the door, he slammed it, leaning his head against it.

The next morning, he put in his transfer, claiming he was tired of the waiting around while Rex trained rookies and that he needed some real work to do. It was granted to him almost immediately. Apparently, they needed someone to partner up with some guy and go to college with him. Vanderwood didn't care either way, he took the opportunity as soon as it was offered without even reading it. What he needed was to get away from Green. From what he heard, she ended up assigned as Rex's new partner, and so be it. He would be avoiding her and probably even all redheads for the rest of his life.

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