#who also happens to hold incredibly complex trauma

[carnage-cathedral]

if you use keyword searches to comb through tags for your favorite media/fandom and run across what is clearly a post from an introject, please just be normal. and if your blog is themed around being insane and horny for that media, just don't interact. it makes us feel very very weird

[ew-selfish-art]

Dp x Dc AU: Jazz Fenton, after years of fixing her brother’s injuries, becomes a Doctor with an inclination towards behavioral health and psychology- In order to make the difference she wants to see in the world she joins Dr. Leslie Thompkin’s practice. 

Jazz Fenton, M.D. has spent years of her life doing research, doing the hard work and the emotional labor, and finally, finally, she’s joining a practice she can feel 100% confident in. She’s goddamn good doctor and she wants to make the biggest impact that she can. 

Dr. Thompkins (who insists that she call her Leslie as they’re colleagues now), is a kind woman, sharp as a tack and keeps her practice open at odd hours to help the most unfortunate. It took some time for them to bond and trust to be built, but now Jazz is being allotted a few night shifts here and there. 

It’s incredible. Jazz gets to spend time with the kids who come in and really talk to them (in addition to getting them antibiotics, heating pads and pokemon themed bandaids) to help equip them with a few coping skills. Her passion for psychology never disappeared after all, but the expansive knowledge of how to heal the human body has made her find a sense of fulfillment like no other.

Having proven herself and worn Leslie down, Jazz now takes up about 1/3 of all the night shifts in the month. She’s hoping to get to 50/50 by the end of the year but she’s content with what she has. Danny keeps odd hours anyway so calling him after work on her walk home can happen any time of day and he will always answer enthusiastically. 

It’s a particularly busy night before he comes in. The Red Hood. 

He was known for being an ally to Leslie, despite being on contentious terms with the Bats, but Jazz had never asked directly. Never one to turn away a patient with bullet hole wounds, she hops into action to get his wounds cleaned, sewed up and gauze wrapped. She’s handing him a sheet (an Infographic! Dani made it with her! Graphic design is her passion!) on how to care for his wounds when he first seems to recognize that she’s not Leslie. 

“No, Of course not. I’m Dr. Fenton. I can’t blame you for not remembering but I did introduce myself as you bled in the entry way. You’re Red Hood, right?” 

“Hm. Didn’t realize the practice was expanding. Where can I find-” He grumbles before pushing her hand aside from where she had still been supporting his shoulder.

“Hold on there, mister. You’re going home, you’re following this infographic and you’re going to get some sleep.” 

“Lady you don’t know-” His voice modulated ton came across antagonistically. As if he was trying to intimidate her. Ha, Jazz rolls her eyes at the inclination.

“Who I’m talking to? Who I’m dealing with? You’re hilarious. I can eat you vigilante’s hero complexes for breakfast. Tell me who I’m calling to pick you up and then you can say thank you.” Jazz snaps at him. It really had been a long night but his whole dialogue thus far is making her a bit batty. 

“Oh really Doc? You know Leslie’s tough shit, and from what I can tell you’ve got nothing on her-” 

“Trying to make me feel insufficient when I just saved your life? That’s cute. I’m sure a lifetime of abandonment by both of your parental figures gave you that. I’m also sure that you inherited this desire to prove you’re not going to be dependent on anyone who wants to help from whoever got you dressing up in tights to fight crime in the first place. Again, I’d love to talk at length about how predictable you-” 

“Bwah- wait- I’m Predictable? You’re probably some nepobaby who had parents who told her she could have the world-” But Jazz cuts him off with hysterical laughter- he couldn’t be further from the truth. Her parents loved her, but nepotism? With what, the ghosts? If anything she got that from Danny, but he doesn’t need to know about her ghostly titles. 

“You’re just some guy who came back from the dead and made his trauma everyone else’s issue. So shut it. And tell me how I’m getting you home from this clinic.” She seethes though her voice stays devastatingly level with each word. 

Speechless for a moment, he eventually relents to Jazz that he’s already called for help on the comms but it will be hours before they can come for a pick up. The sun had already come up and the night had been over for most of them before Hood had walked into trouble. She groans and the realizes the time for herself and the empty clinic around them.

“Fine. My shift just ended anyway. I’ll get you home in one piece and I swear to all the ancients that you’d better follow the directions on the infographic.” 

And that’s how Jazz ended up calling her brother while supporting the weight of a grown ass man (who no longer wanted to talk to her) on her walk home. 

The next time Red Hood appears in her clinic, he’s brought a dozen roses in addition to the cut on his neck that definitely needs to be pressurized like ASAP. Did he stop for the flowers on his way to the clinic? He’s going to pass out from blood loss! She doesn’t even like roses!

[lurkingshan]

Intergenerational Trauma Challenge - 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us

It’s winter and I’m huddled up in my house hiding from the cold weather, so obviously this is the perfect time to tackle another entry on the intergenerational family trauma challenge list. This week I finally watched 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us, a Thai drama about Wang, a young man just coming of age who is desperately seeking answers about his father’s death; Sasiwimol, Wang’s very complicated mother who does not want to dig up the past; Inthawut, his father’s best friend who has been hiding from it for years; and Siam, the black hole at the center of this story.

Before I dig into the trauma themes, let me just say that this show is excellent, if not for everyone. It has a very intentional style that makes it feel like a stage play—the writer is a playwright—and it’s basically eight episodes of very intense conversations. It’s not a romance and there’s an intellectualism in the writing that I found kept me at an emotional remove from the characters even as I marveled at how well crafted the dialogue is. And the dialogue is very important, which is why the translation of this drama is much stronger than we typically get from Thai productions—the words matter. It’s also loaded with visual metaphors and is all around beautiful to look at, and the three main performers are fantastic. I highly recommend it to anyone who likes theater, stories about complicated families, or beautiful and talented actors showing their work. And more than anything else, this show does incredibly strong thematic work and its messaging is on point: this is a story about how noble idiocy ruins lives.   

So, with that said, onto the trauma! Spoilers ahead, and I am assuming anyone reading past this point has watched the show. Some themes you’ll see in this one: taboo, denial of queer identity, homophobia, filial piety, and lots of emotional manipulation. Shoutout to @bengiyo and @twig-tea for reading this to make sure I didn’t miss anything in this complex story.

There are two main sources of intergenerational trauma radiating down toward Wang: the absence of his father, Siam, and his intense relationship with his mercurial mother, Sasiwimol. The story is structured around Wang’s determination to seek answers about Siam—both who he was and how he died. He has grown up knowing a certain story: that his parents met and fell in love in college but divorced when he was young, that his father loved him very much despite not staying with his mother, and that his father was an alcoholic who died in a drunk driving accident. Shortly after his father’s death, his mom put him in boarding school so she could focus on her career and became a weekend parent to him—as she was not around to structure his day to day life, their relationship became more about her taking him on fun adventures and spoiling him when she had time off, treating each other as best friends instead of like a mother and son, and never talking about Siam. He has always suspected there was more to the story of his parents that he was not being told, and as he has grown up, come into his own queerness, and picked up on his mother’s casual homophobia and obsessive devotion to compulsory heteronormativity, his suspicions about the secret his mom was holding became sharper. 

Enter Inthawut. Inthawut was Siam’s best friend, and with nothing to go on but a set of old pictures, Wang has an instinctual certainty that he is the key to the secret he’s seeking. And thus he engineers a way for he and his mom to “coincidentally” stumble onto Inthawut’s property and get invited to stay a few days in his isolated home, at which point Wang begins his campaign to figure out what the hell happened between Siam, Sasiwimol, and Inthawut at any cost.

One of the things I find most interesting about this story is how much the plot hinges on Wang going against Asian cultural norms in his pursuit of the truth. He is not respectful to his elders. He does not maintain filial piety and deference to his mother. He refuses to restrain his emotions. Instead, he is pushy and relentless and emotionally manipulative (all tricks we can plainly see he learned from Sasiwimol) and Inthawut doesn’t stand a chance against him. And so, because Wang explicitly acts against these cultural values, the truth comes out and the trauma is no longer suppressed. 

And in the end, it’s a simple, if desperately sad story: Siam and Inthawut were in love, but Inthawut was battling internalized homophobia and deep-seeded fear and so he relentlessly pushed Siam away and toward dating and then marrying their friend Sasiwimol. And when Siam, miserable in this heterosexual relationship he never actually wanted, finally snapped and confessed his true feelings, Inthawut rejected him and ran away to study abroad. Inthawut was running due to his own fear, but he also had noble notions of somehow protecting Siam from his own queerness and told himself that if he was gone, Siam would accept his heterosexual life. Of course, that did not happen, and in the fallout of this rejection Siam sank further into alcoholism and died soon after. Inthawut’s reaction was the exact worst fear of all gay people who work up the courage to confess to a friend they have developed feelings for: outright rejection, abandonment, and destruction of the relationship. And in his mind, he did this to Siam “for his own good,” a fairly textbook execution of the noble idiocy trope. In the aftermath, we see how Inthawut has isolated himself, part in penance, part in self-protection, and intellectualized his way to a romantic construction of his own cowardice that he tries to convince Wang is righteous.

But Wang is deeply affected by how the denial of his father’s queerness ruined his life and is absolutely not having any of Inthawut’s self-denying bullshit, and this is where things get messy, as both Wang and Inthuwat seem to start seeing Wang and Siam as interchangeable and they develop an emotional entanglement that is deeply unhealthy, to say the least. Wang wants to understand Siam so badly that he starts to be him, and Inthuwat is so desperate to address his regret and shame that he starts to see Wang as Siam, as well. Wang also uses this attachment as a way to shock his mother and forcefully bring her real feelings about Siam and Inthawut to the surface. Despite Wang’s many loud protestations to the contrary, I don’t believe that he and Inthawut actually love each other. They are using each other to work out their trauma about Siam.

And they’re not the only ones! Sasiwimol seems to have her own psychological confusion about Wang as he relates to Siam, and their dynamic is very strange as a result. She refers to Wang as dua-eeng (and has taught him to do the same with her rather than calling her “mom”), a Thai endearment that literally means “self” but is often used between lovers. They have a very physically affectionate relationship that often had me grimacing in discomfort, and she clearly sees Wang as both a source of pain—because he is so like Siam—and her one source of comfort and happiness. She is a successful woman by any standard, but she’s also desperately lonely, hanging on tight to Wang as her only companion in a way that often veers into overbearing, and deeply wounded by her past with Siam and Inthawut. It was through her own friendship with Inthawut that she pursued Siam in the first place, and she clearly feels betrayed not only by Siam, but by Inthawut, both for getting in the way of her relationship with Siam and for leaving them. Her feelings about both men are complex and the story never fully spells them out, in part because Sasiwimol never does. Determinedly not thinking about what happened between them is a big part of how she copes, along with sublimating her suspicions into homophobia, which she perpetuates quite intentionally in her work via production of heterosexual romance propaganda.

Wang clearly loves his mother even as he is frustrated by her prejudices, her desire to control him, and her tendency toward emotional manipulation. He is a perceptive kid and he has studied her closely; he understands her very well and can often predict exactly how she’ll react to a situation. Which is why his decision to announce baldly to her face that he is in love with Inthawut—not only coming out as gay but declaring his intention to move out of her home and in with a man 20+ years his senior who is deeply entangled with her own trauma—felt very intentional to me. He knew what kind of reaction that would get from her, and he wanted it. And sure enough, Sasiwimol crumbles at this repetition of her trauma and the perceived disloyalty of Wang choosing Inthawut over her just as his father did. The rest of the emotion she’d been holding back comes pouring out, resulting in the three of them finally airing out everything that lies between them and everything they are feeling about the Siam-shaped hole in their lives. And once she breaks down, Wang is able to forgive her for the grievance she’s caused him and ultimately decides to remain filial and continue living with her, because he does not actually want to punish his mother for what happened to his father. 

So, in the end, where did the story leave us with all this trauma? I can’t really say that any of these characters have healed, but I do think Wang kick-started that process, at least for himself. He got what he needed most out of this little scheme: deeper understanding of who his father was and why his life took such a drastic turn. He remains caught in the dysfunctional dynamic with his mother, and I’m not sure he’ll ever fully break out of it, but at least there is more honesty between them now about what they’re dancing around. She now knows he is gay and she has to accept it to keep him with her, and given that he has backed off from asking her to accept something much scarier than that, I do think she will find a way to make her peace with it. Inthawut is the character who seems to have progressed the least, standing firmly in his stasis and remaining determinedly alone with his pain, though the show leaves us with a note of ambiguity that suggests he may someday find the courage to move on.

The messages of this work are clear. Internalized homophobia and denial of your own queerness are poison for your soul. Rejecting a loved one “for their own good” is an act of cowardice and selfishness, not an act of love. Hiding from and sublimating your trauma will never allow you to heal. Refusing to process your pain will only lead to you pushing it down on the next generation. Ultimately, this story told us that bravely looking ourselves and our trauma in the face and confronting our truths head on is the only way to begin to heal, and that running from them only leads to ruin. 

[autumn0689]

Lester Papadopoulos is a comfort character to me. I’ve been a huge Percy Jackson fan for years now, and I’ve loved many characters (Grover, Nico, Leo, Percy, etc) and when I first read TOA I loved it, but after rereading it…

I fell in love with Lester, this caring and complex character who had many layers to him, that came off as selfish, and yet just so happened to be one of the most selfless characters in the book.

He’s caring, he’s a former god, he’s selfless, he pees himself regularly, he loves his children, he drowned his ex that one time, he is a god of many things, he has had many lovers. He has so many aspects to him that makes him so interesting.

He has a redemption arc as he realizes that he has made mistakes, but also realizes that he has been abused by Zeus, that it most likely influenced how he view things, and how he may have picked up toxic behaviors from Zeus. He learns to be more human, which is such a beautiful arc to see him go through.

He cares SO MUCH about others. He grieves for Jason and Crest and Heloise and so many other people. He tried to sacrifice himself many times and has many heroic qualities, but he is an unreliable narrator and sometimes what he says doesn’t reflect what he does.

His and Meg’s relationship is one of my favorite friendships in the books. It feels like it’s the two of them against the world at times. Meg cares so much for him while also calling him out on his bad actions (like when they were on Sutro Tower) and Lester cares so much for her as he realizes that she has been abused, that she needs help, and that he wants to help her separate from Nero’s influence, that he is so proud of her for standing up to Nero. They both form such a strong bond with each other and I just- I love them!

He is also absolutely hilarious. I find myself laughing as he is just- so snarky sometimes? He also sometimes know random things? (Like the Goddess of Sewers Cloacina) He is also funny when he has no knowledge on how human things work (like not knowing the price of Tater Tot’s)

He also gets anxious and freaks out and cries and he just feels. He gets happy and laughs and gets sad and laments. He gets flashbacks and clearly has trauma but doesn’t let that excuse his bad actions as he feels guilt for his actions. He can also be quite harsh on himself, blaming himself often and sometimes projecting that onto others (like him saying that Piper is blaming him for Crest’s death??) He is such an emotional character and I love him for that.

I love whenever he gets his godly strength as it starts with small things and then it gets to the point that he can create fire with his hands just by simply mentioning cauterizing a wound and breaking Nero’s fasces and having enough strength to drag Python into the Underworld and is strong enough to hold on just enough to save himself from falling into Tartarus. He is such a strong person who has an incredible pain tolerance.

There are many other things that I love about Lester Papadopoulos/Apollo. I think I can positively say that he is my favorite PJO character. I often reread TOA more than the other books. I love the story and how dark it can get while also exploring the themes of how abuse affects you.

I just- I love Meg and Apollo. I need for fanfic of them!! I need more content of them! Their friendship is so underrated, so when I see people make fanfic of them I get so happy!

I also love the community. The fan-artists and the fanfic makers and anyone who just writes long posts, like me, are so talented and is honestly the best fandom I’ve been in.

I hope the PJO show becomes popular so that more people can read these amazing series. I hope there will be a day that TOA gets adapted, and even if it doesn’t, I still have the audiobooks to go back to.

Thanks TOA fandom, for still going strong, even years after the books ended and new books have come out and are still making fanfic about them. It feels like the books have never ended, like the TOA books are still going on and are still making posts.

I’m so happy to be part of such a passionate fanbase.

Anyways if anyone is willing to offer any good fanfics then let me know!

[maxdibert]

Hi again!! so I was that anon that asked about Draco, but I loved reading your opinion on him :)

I think I'm slowly warming up to him as a character because he seems more realistic/complex compared to how Harry is treated like this Chosen One with unrealistic traits in the earlier books/movies. And ur right, he did certain questionable things but people forget that he was raised/fed propaganda about the Death Eaters and Voldemort's ideology, shaping his worldview and his Dad being the main giver of this propaganda. Plus, once he realizes what he did he shows guilt and reluctance, like in Half-Blood Prince and Deathly Hallows, hinting at his internal conflict. Unlike Harry, whose heroism is idealized, Draco’s growth is more nuanced and flawed.

And idk why but Snape seems to be a better father figure, he seems to be the most likable teacher in the story— like, everyone else like everyone else like Dumbledore or McGonagall, while "great" in their own ways, feel distant or overly idealized + Dumbledore is way too cryptic. Teachers like Trelawney are sympathetic since all magic is controlled/dumbed down by a stupid Ministry. Snape's complexity, despite his flaws, makes him feel more relatable and grounded + Harry's dad did bully him.

I am developing an idea (for a larger multifandom story arc) where Draco ends up being fully sick of the whole wizard conflict, and Snape too- so they end up running away from the HP world, through a disappearing act right when Harry tries to retaliate after Dumbledore died. Now, this isn't to spite JKR or anything but an idea I came up with if Draco ended up choosing neutrality and rejecting the war's ideologies.

Anyways, I'd like to hear ur thoughts ^^

Helloooo! Good morning btw hahahah

Well, I’ve always seen Draco as a modern version of Regulus (which isn’t surprising since, after all, they’re family). Both are boys raised under a set of ideas they never questioned, but when the moment came to confront what it truly meant to put those ideas into action, they realized it involved doing things they didn’t like. This is something that happens a lot in real life and feels very realistic to me. I don’t think Draco completely let go of his own prejudices or conservative ideas, but there’s a huge difference between having problematic thoughts and actually wanting to exterminate people. A 12-year-old like Draco might spout off absolute barbarities he heard at home (like wishing Hermione would die), but he’s a 12-year-old kid who has no clue about the nonsense he’s saying. He doesn’t understand what death means or what it’s like to see someone dead. Once he experiences that years later, it horrifies him terribly.

Draco is an incredibly realistic character, and that’s why I find him likable.

Now, Harry is a much more complex issue because, in general, he’s an unrealistic character. His way of dealing with trauma—pretending everything is fine—is unrealistic. The fact that he doesn’t suffer from PTSD after living with the Dursleys is unrealistic. The way he conveniently holds grudges against certain characters but forgives Sirius overnight for attacking Ron in PoA while trying to catch Pettigrew—without even a proper apology—is also unrealistic. But in the end, it’s just Rowling deliberately and conveniently ignoring the consequences certain characters’ actions might have on Harry because it doesn’t suit her for readers to question whether those characters are morally dubious. She also doesn’t want to delve into Harry’s internal conflicts regarding them. It’s the same with Lupin being a total piece of crap to Tonks. It’s completely glossed over because Rowling wants to keep portraying him as a saintly, good guy. So, abandoning his pregnant wife gets resolved in two pages, and then we all move on as if nothing happened, lol.

I’m not sure I fully buy into Snape as a father figure, but I’m also not sure I completely reject it. I think Severus was very childish due to his traumas and the emotional immaturity they caused. This is evident in how he interacts with his students. The jabs he throws at them often reflect an adolescent mindset—he’s stuck in that stage because he couldn’t overcome a series of events. And then there’s the added layer of being “trapped” in the place where all those things happened to him. His reactions when triggered are those of a teenager who hasn’t yet learned to control himself.

His moments of camaraderie with the Slytherins clearly echo what his adolescence must have been like—encouraging the strong in his house. Except now, he’s the strong one, the one with power and authority. This creates a stark contrast and a strong dissonance with his other role, which is protecting the students—something he takes very seriously. Honestly, Dumbledore is a cynical, negligent jerk who doesn’t give a damn about his students unless they serve his future plans. McGonagall seems to have stayed out of all the plots Dumbledore and Severus had going, so we can’t really blame her. But Severus was tasked with protecting the children, and he genuinely protected them. In that sense, he might be the most responsible adult at Hogwarts, maybe even the only professor truly concerned about ensuring none of them ended up dead. However, this contrasts heavily with the way he treats them, which is hard for readers to understand if they don’t look beyond his image as a mean teacher.

What I do believe is that he cared about Draco. Just as his treatment of Harry reflected his unresolved issues with James and his guilt over what happened with Lily, I also think Severus projected onto Draco the gratitude he felt toward Lucius for probably being the first to accept him into Slytherin, opening many doors for him. In fact, I think Severus must have been quite close to the Malfoys on a personal level. Narcissa trusted him enough to ask him to make the Unbreakable Vow and to place her son’s life in his hands, knowing she would do anything for Draco. That suggests a close relationship behind the scenes.

Anyway, I don’t think Draco ever left the wizarding world. I could see him keeping a low profile, wanting to stay out of the spotlight, and focusing on managing his inheritance or pursuing activities that didn’t require him to go out much. But I don’t see him leaving the magical world entirely. He received a very specific type of education, and while his ideas about exterminating Muggle-borns likely vanished after the war, he was still an aristocrat with no reason to reject his lifestyle. I do see him adopting a much more moderate and cautious outlook, though.

Severus, on the other hand, would’ve left. Severus would’ve locked himself away in some remote place where no one would think to look, dedicating himself to his studies and potions, and telling everyone to go to hell. Severus was utterly fed up, but he didn’t have any options.

[toon-topaz]

HIII so basically i am obsessed with your vampire if. I've never even had a specific fixation on vampires lol but i LOVE the idea of giving subaru even more reason to be paranoid of the people around him!!! :D ALSO ALSO the trauma of being killed by vampires?? beings he idolises?? Something else he'll probably have a breakdown about yay!!! ^^ ANYWAY if you don't mind me asking how do you think him being human would affect his relationships with others who know/don't know?? Like in canon he's already an incomprehensible weirdo but now that he's ACTIVELY trying to hide something do those not in the know suspect/distrust him even more?? For those that DO know how do they feel about it?? Do they have to like. Actively cover up for him when he slips up?? Does the shared secret bring them closer?? e.g., in Pristella haha what do you mean its suspicious that you've never seen Natsuki eat?? Now that i think about it since Emilia's been established as a subpar liar its probably Otto who has to save Subarus human ass lol assuming he's eventually told as a part of his camp. Sorry for the uncomfortably detailed ask lmao ur au just grabbed me by the throat and wouldn't let go!!

Oh please don't apologize, I am absolutely delighted to be getting interest in my silly little au :D

I’ll try my best to answer all your questions but feel free to ask more or just throw in some ideas of your own hehe, either in reblogs or DMs I don’t mind.

So yes absolutely he will be having many breakdowns about it on top of your usual “stuck in a timeloop of death” breakdowns lol. He learns very quick why being in a world full of vampires is absolutely not fun, and to be fair he did sort of assume he’d get turned at some point and get to live as one. Alas, he’s simply too fragile to withstand the process, if he even gets that far before just dying of blood loss. He’s very tasty.

His relationships with everyone are made even more complex than they already are by the fact that they could straight up kill him if they pick him up wrong. He has to walk on eggshells and he hates it, and so do they. He’s trying so hard to be a tough masculine man like his father, hell he likes being all rough and tumble and play fighting and all that, but he just can’t. Back home he was at least fairly fit and resilient but here, in comparison to everyone else (even the village children)? He feels utterly worthless, and it absolutely starts to skew his sense of self. Was he ever even that athletic? Has he always been so breakable, or is it just that everyone here is superhuman? It’s not even limited to just Reinhard or Garfiel anymore, it’s everyone, including random thugs. The malnutrition from a lack of a balanced diet in the first few months aren’t helping his physical state, nor is the insomnia.

It isn’t helped by the fact that after just a couple loops, he’s legitimately quite afraid of his friends and enemies alike. He doesn’t hold a candle to them, and if any of them were so inclined to harm him, if they suddenly became hostile (he’s carrying a LOT of miasma, AND his human blood is like ambrosia to pretty much every vampire), there would be quite literally nothing he could do to stop him. And the only failsafe he has is rewinding time a bit to try and stop whatever happened from happening this time.

His developing brain is pretty much fucked, because while he’s terrified of his friends he still loves them all so very much, even the ones who have actually killed, maimed, tortured and/or eaten him. The idea of love in his mind goes hand in hand with fear and pain, and there’s no separating it at this point, which leaves him at once incredibly wary and paranoid, and paradoxically very susceptible to manipulation. He can’t hold it against them, if they get a whiff of his blood they can’t help it, no matter how many nights he spends awake and trembling under his covers. The only one he doesn’t fear like this is Beatrice, because she isn’t a vampire. Once they form their contract he at least has someone to hold onto and keep an eye on the door for him. Beatrice swears she won’t let anything get him in his sleep, and she means it.

The one boon all this has given him, if you can call it that, is that it’s turned him into a VERY good liar. He’s much better at improvising a cover story than his canon counterpart, even able to keep track of multiple lies at once. He allows himself to be a bit more open with his own camp, who all are informed eventually, and with a little bit of help from resident fraud expert Otto, he’s able to have a fully crafted and rehearsed backstory, paperwork and all. He’s only this weak because he’s afflicted with a chronic sickness that stunts his vampiric powers. Yes, it’s permanent, it’s a family curse. Don’t worry about how there’s no records of such a disease existing outside of this one certificate that definitely wasn’t forged.

The constant lying is isolating, but at least this secret is one he keeps on purpose, for a very good reason. At least it’s not something he physically cannot talk about lest he and his loved ones be violently punished, like that other thing. Thanks Satella.

As for how everyone else feels about this, I’ve mostly detailed it in that other post (that I have a followup reblog to in the works I promise), I can link it in the replies if you haven’t seen it.

The whole Priestella thing would be VERY funny though, and by funny I mean horrifying, because these damned Archbishops are even scarier now. I haven’t yet thought about how Dragon’s Blood would affect him differently but man it sure is fun to think about.

Anyways yea that’s my brain dump for now uwu, hope you enjoyed and again, don’t be afraid to start a conversation I love to chat

[beifong-brainrot]

Bolin and Fawning

So, I've wanted to make a post elaborating on Bolin and his people-pleasing tendencies for a while now. Since I incorporate this aspect of his character into most of my fics and I belive it is the key to understanding a lot of his behaviours during the show.

There's no way you can't interpret Mako and Bolin's childhood as traumatic. Having a parent killed in front of one is bad enough, however the continued strain and fear of their childhood spent on the streets likely would've caused complex trauma and lasting psychological effects.

Mako: [Defensive and angrily.] No! You don't know what you're talking about. I just ran numbers for them and stuff. We were orphans out on the street; I did what I had to do to survive and protect my little brother. Korra :[Frontal shot; sympathetically.] I'm sorry. It must have been really hard. [Pauses; carefully.] Can I ask what happened to your parents? Mako :[Close side shot; sighs.] They were mugged, by a firebender. He cut them down right in front of me. I was eight.

Mako : Why? He got paid. You didn't see any pro-benders crying for us when mom and dad died, and we got dumped on the street. Life is hard. You either hustle or get hustled.

For Mako, the way his childhood affected him is pretty obvious. He puts up a tough exterior, as he is the person who usually confronts the danger and protects Bolin both physically and emotionally (to some extent).

Bolin is less obvious.

In fact, he sometimes seems like his difficult childhood barely affected him at all. He's upbeat, cheerful and jovial... the complete oposite of what one would assume someone suffering from horrific trauma would.

Bolin tries extremely hard to make himself palatable to others. He is a people pleaser, through and through.

And this reaction would make sense, when you remember Bolin's circumstances throughout a huge part of his childhood.

He was a small child, completely dependent on his brother, surrounded by dangerous and horrible people. Shady Shin was more than willing to attack the boys at the drop of the hat, depite them having been working for the triple threats for a while. Him and his brother had to scrape and beg for money and food. Their lives were at the mercy of complete strangers.

Why wouldn't Bolin be wary of other people's emotions, when pissing someone off could mean the literal death of him and his brother.

His trauma manifests in a way very in line of the fawning response, one of the four trauma response.

Let's go through some signs of fawning:

Looking to others to see how you feel in a relationship or situation

Bolin has spent his entire childhood looking to Mako for advice and guidance. This is a pattern that has kept them both safe and relatively comfortable throughout all their hardships.

It's only natural that Bolin would still continue this pattern into their late teens. He reaches out to Mako for advice.

Bolin: So, what do you think of Korra, in a "girlfriend" sort of way? Mako : She's great! But I think it makes more sense for me to go for Asami. Bolin: [Slightly annoyed.] I was talking about a girlfriend for me! Leave some ladies for the rest of us!

Or he takes Mako's advice even if he initially disagrees. Mako holds incredible sway over Bolin, even deep into their adulthood.

Mako: So, you and Opal seemed to hit it off dinner. I think she's really into you. Bolin: Yeah, I know. She's sweet and pretty and super nice. Too bad she's not my type. Mako: Right, I forgot. Your type is dumb mover star or psycho ice princess. Bolin: [Spits out his toothpaste.] You know, that really hurts a little bit. Right ... [Presses a fist to his chest.] here. [Looks at mirror, adjusting his hair.] Maybe you're right, bro. Maybe Opal is Bolin material. Thanks. [Flirts with his reflection.] Yeah!

He also reaches out to Mako in times of distress, like when he was having trouble with Eska. Which doesn't surprise me, the brothers are still, to some extent, stuck in the same place they were as children. Bolin as the small child under Mako's protection, despite them both being almost grown men. When Mako starts rejecting Bolin's pleas for help, dealing with his own problems at the time, Bolin starts looking for someone to fill a similar role in Varrick. Which is a terribke idea because Varrick is evil.

Feeling like one has no identity or authentic self

Bolin is a performer in many ways. As a probender, a mover star and simply as a person. He bases his perception of himself on how people percieve him and around the people who are close to him. Team Avatar is a huge part of his own identity and he is terrified and dismayed when his friends start growing as people while he stagnates.

Bolin: I guess I just miss my friends. Everything is going so well for me, but it feels empty without everyone around. Korra's gone, Mako's in jail, you're doing ... business-lady stuff. Team Avatar's fallen apart.

Bolin hasn't yet "found himself". He flits from passion to passion, from career to career. He's not sure of who he is, and what he is supposed to do in life. He's carefully crafted a pleasant persona, and now he has difficulty telling what is part of that persona and what is truly him.

Constantly trying to please other people, whether through flattery, affection, or catering to the demands of others

Where do I start. This is one of Bolin's defining characteristics. I don't think he even realises what he's doing, bue is very good at catering to people.

Varrick: Look how these people love you, kid! They're eating that cornball spiel right out of your hand. Bolin: The trick is, whenever I get confused, I just say "Republic City" or "fans", and then everyone cheers. Varrick: I think I just figured out your true calling.

It doesn't even feel very manipulative, more like a puppy that learnt that performing certain trick will get them a treat. To Bolin, subconsciously, pleasing others is a survival strategy.

At the first sign of conflict, the first instinct is to “appease” the angry person

This behaviour can be seen in multiple situations. The most stark examples of this are his relationships with Eska and Kuvira.

Bolin immediately began appeasing Eska, letting her abuse slide, basically being her slave and practically bendig over backwards to keep her from terrorising him. He's still terrified of her years later in B4.

Bolin and Kuvira's relationship, while not romantic, follows a very similar pattern as the one with Eska. Very little has changed since that. I find it absolutely heartwrenching how Bolin did his best to accomodate Kuvira, that he stuck by her when everyone he knew was telling him she was bad news, all while she was manipulating and using him.

Kuvira: [Menacingly.] Your loyalty seems to be wavering. Bolin: [Panicked.] No--no, I'm totally on your side, completely, one-hundred-percent loyal.

Ignoring one's own beliefs, needs, preferences, thoughts, and feelings to please others

This once again, goes back to Kuvira as the most obvious example. There are other ones, such as Bolin only getting with Opal because Mako suggested it, and his role as Nuktuk. But Bolin's scenes with Kuvira really highlight his tendency to minimise his own needs and feelings in order to please someone.

Bolin: I'm just not sure about this whole "Empire" thing. It seems pretty aggressive. And what was that part about the crushing? Kuvira: That was just some ... tough rhetoric to let people know that we mean business. Believe me, [Puts a hand on his shoulder.] conflict is the last thing I want. Will you help me make history, Bolin? Bolin: [Doubts for a moment.] I'll stand by you. Kuvira :Thank you.

Trouble setting healthy boundaries in relationships

This loops back to Eska, but I think Bolin just has issues with boundaries in general. He struggles with setting boundaries with his romantic partners of course, but he also struggles with this when it comes to Mako. Granted, it is also probably because Mako himself subconsciously doesn't want Bolin to set those boundaries. The bros falling out of their typical codependent state must be terrifying for them, since it's what kept them alive for so long.

Bolin probably has very little understanding of boundaries, since his own were probably disrespected so much when he was growing up.

Okay that's enough of me rambling about best boy for now. Apologies if this is poorly phrased I really wanted to get this out before i go to bed tonight and im really sleepy.

There's a lot more I wanna touch on with Bolin, and this serves as more of a compilation of notes about his behaviours. A jumping off point, if you could call it that. If there's a specific point you want me to elaborate on, please feel free to ask! I'd be glad to ramble.

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

Hello. I am wondering why you start liking Takeomi. He is the most hated character by the fandom and your choice of wet soggy cat is very unique. I want to listen your ramblings.

Oh anon, if only I knew

I'll try to remember how it happened, that much I think I got it.

So, when I first got into TR, my mind mostly focused on Mitsuya and the Shiba (mostly Taiju), so much so that I ended up writing a lot more than I thought I ever will on Taiju and explaining where his behavior comes from

Because it seems like a lot of people missed some important information. And by doing that I was able to show them details they had missed (prove that I was right in previous posts where I didn't justified myself and basically got called a liar by someone in the notes which incredibly pissed me off-) and, although that doesn't excuse what Taiju did, it does explain it and makes him more.. real? Maybe not relatable, but his domestic abuse didn't pop up out of nowhere and a lot of people know what intergenerational trauma can do so while still hating Taiju they could understand him better.

Then, having finished my Taiju analysis which also opened my eyes since I found more than what I initially thought about; I myself was able to understand him better and so I thought-

Why not do that with every hated characters in the fandom?

I don't quite recall if my (at the time, very slight) interest in Takeomi happened a bit before or at that time, but the reason why I focused on him before the others (which, uh, aren't a lot anyway) was because I saw stuffs written about him which I didn't really agree with? Like, yeah, he was flawed and raised his siblings badly - especially when next to Shinichiro who was (at least depicted as)(and try to be) good at it - but they were kinda amplifying things

I know that a lot of people relate to Sanzu, or just, love him, and since they saw things I haven't seen, I told myself 'well, let's investigate, then' and then I wrote about 17k words on Takeomi's psychology.

I literally walked myself into the Takeomi rabbit-hole (what a FUCKING mistake /positive)

Takeomi did neglect his siblings, and passive-aggressively verbally, or even emotionally, abused Sanzu and for most of the fandom, is not attractive (and, let's not lie, beauty is a redeeming quality for a lot of characters regardless of fandom. How many characters, no matter their faults, get forgiven by fans just because they're hot, uh?). So he sucks, yeah

You know what he did do? acknowledged his mistakes, apologized for them and would have started his redemption arc if Wakui had had the time for that when warping up the story

He made mistakes, he's flawed, he's human, he wasn't even supposed to be here because he only entered the delinquent world to keep following Shinichiro, his ego which was back then very weak and non-existent got inflated for either survival or because he received so many compliments he didn't know what to do with it if not both because he was a k i d.

Most of the characters in TR are kids or young adults when they commit things they shouldn't have done. And yes, you can hold them accountable for it but they didn't know better - they didn't have the tools to

Now, why do I like Takeomi.

First of all - the amount of flaws he has. Don't think I need to make the list, I think everyone's got it (although make sure to remember he's got an inferiority complex and it's most likely that he also has an imposter syndrome so he's just like me fr-). But even with that, he's never an antagonist. He does things wrong but he's on our side (he's just very deaf to anyone's opinion that doesn't fit his). He sucked at raising his siblings as a kid himself (before his superiority complex developed and during it too - albeit in different ways) but that's just.. realistic? Not that it takes away the seriousness of it and the consequences, but how else could it have been? The impact on Sanzu were disastrous (not that they were the only reason why Sanzu lost it), I understand that, I don't erase that nor deny it BUT THERE'S A REASON WHY TAKEOMI IS LIKE THIS, TOO. And if people blame Takeomi for his actions (which, again, fair.) then blame Sanzu for his!! he was willing to mass murder hundreds of people!!! including his sister!!! he killed a few people!! argh. But Sanzu got his tragic-backstory/childhood shown and has a design that appeals to most, so I guess it's harder to hold him accountable for the seriousness of his actions (I like Sanzu, don't get me wrong. But sometimes the hypocrisy of some fans makes me a tiny bit angry 🙃)

Anyway, reason 84123286 of why I need Takeomi's backstory. Bc, honestly, from what we know of him as a kid+his coping mechanisms as a teen/adult, it would make sense to me if one of the reason he was so hostile to Sanzu was because he saw himself in him and Didn't Like ItTM (for different reasons) (!!! Which would add nicely to Shinichiro seeing himself in Mikey!!! more sano-akashi parallels, lets goooooooo) Talking about the parallels between the two, the fact he's Shinichiro's narrative foil compels me lots. Takeomi is quite literally Shinichiro with a negative filter on. And how can he survived that? How can he cope with the fact that no matter how much he wants and tries to be Shinichiro he'd never succeed? He'd always be the pale copy, the wood statue covered with golden leaves that are peeling away with time next to the pure gold statue. The Teru Teru Bozu that fails to chase the rain away and is going to be decapitated for his ineptitude. He'd always be himself and that's what he hates the most. He'd always be compared to Shinichiro and there's nothing he can do about it. And he can't even be angry at Shinichiro. That's his best friend. He loves him. He has been the first to love him. He has been there before anyone else. He can't lose Shinichiro, Shinichiro gave him everything. Everything he cares about, he sees value of, at least. Immaculate.

I'll also die on the hill that he is competent. He himself has no idea on what but he is (he mixes everything. For him it'd go like this: he gets praised but he's done nothing, Shinichiro has done everything which means they praised him for what Shinichiro has done. Which means what Shinichiro do, he does too. Which means Shinichiro's achievements are his as well! right? He didn't do anything by himself, there's no need to praise him for something else.)(he's fully blind that strategically-speaking and in other brainy-brain domains he's competent af. Bc since it comes 'easily' to him - since he doesn't struggle much with it, or in contrary he struggles so much he cannot possibly be good at it, then there's nothing to praise. And like, for him what Shinichiro does deserve to be praised. What he himself does is just.. things he does so compliments feel shallow)(+Bonten strives as much as Bad Toman and Manila if not more, yet there's no Kisaki. Ofc there's still Koko so that helps, but Takeomi is new to the team and got recruited (at least that what Senju said) in Brahman for his ~wisdom~)

He's also the only character who was around before Shinichiro 1) became a big brother 2) became a delinquent and that has to mean something. They're the only ones left to remember how the other was before their life went to shit

In the final timeline, he looks so healthy. He made peace with himself, his relationship with his siblings is good, he made amends. He healed, they healed. His relationship with Shinichiro, Benkei and Wakasa is good too everything's great. He learnt to understand what he is competent in and focus on it; he's not Shinichiro, he'll never be and that's okay. He's him and what he is complete Shinichiro just as Shinichiro complete him – they take care of one another's flaws but can also know live independently from each other. Perhaps, perhaps Takeomi stopped being so dependent of him

Appearance-wise, I love dark hair+green eyes combo in general so it wasn't that hard (plus there are some godly fanarts out there)

And of course: despite his complexity, at the end of the day - he's really just a pathetic wet poor excuse of a man who can't do anything right and isn't that endearing

I'm slowly getting out of the denial-phase to enter my acceptance-phase when it comes to loving Takeomi. Liking things most people hate or are neutral about is smth I hate for Reasons but it also seems to always happen lolololol. Will try to talk more about Takeomi when it comes to my mind, in case ppl who also love him but don't want to make it known because of his bad reputation in the fandom saw my posts and feel a bit more okay and comfortable with loving him

[wren-galathinyus]

okayokay season two arcane has me feeling so many things right now and I know none of these are original thoughts but I have to scream them somewhere, so spoilers under the cut

-GRIEF AS A THEME!!! it is going to be Caitlyns downfall, in the first episode you see her clearly surrounded by a sketchy dissociated world, trying to not let it affect her, and as it goes on, she's part of the world again, and then finally as we get further she has her conversation with vi "don't change" but she already has so much! and that grief is driving her to do things! she shot at jinxs' new kiddo! she is going to go too far down that path and I'm not sure she can come back, but I'm loving how complex and nuanced this season is treating her. she's already to the point where she will hurt those closes to her (Vi) to get the revenge that she thirsts for. episode one and episode three Cait are two completely different people and the switch is so interesting to watch

-the animation is fucking phenomenal!!!!! there are so many brain fucks of different styles clashing while holding hands! rahhhhhhh!!!

-the entire notion of legacy and passing down trauma!!! Jinx is silco and Vi is Vander. they are at odds with one another, one trying to protect the innocent while maintaining the fight for the better, the other on a path of violence that they believe nessacery for change (even though it's not even quite about that yet, right now it's just Jinx being destructive in the wake of everything that's happened). but the directly drawn parallels to Jinx and Silco letting each other go unto the water. and then there's Isha (??) who's an imitation of powder who now idolises Jinx. she looks up to her and is to Jinx what powder was to silco that day in the rain, there is a passing down of trauma and violence

-CAITVI AKA PILTOVERS FINEST oh lord give me strength these lesbians are going to end me. the eye contact, the tension, the inexplicable ability for them to match and trust each other while almost completely being at odds in some ways. the kiss was everything, it was an I'm here, I'm not leaving, I'm not going to change, I love you, I promise. and the visible metaphor of vi letting down her guard (dropping the gauntlets) to fully embrace this statement, only to later see the complete betrayal and break down that comes with Caitlyn hitting Vi and quite literally abandoning her. she did change, it was not longer about bringing Jinx to justice, but having Cait stop at nothing to get revenge. (I also find it incredibly funny that lesbian heartbreak is going to presumably what gives us emo Vi)

-Ambassa Medarda the conniving evil sexy woman you are, that is all

-Viktor omg Viktor, the amount of religious imagery from him alone in his what, 5 minutes of screen time, but there is so much of him clearly lost to the Hexcore as he no longer *feels* human but feels a deep insight to others and wishes to stop pain and finally do good

-the teaser at the end of every episode for Dr Singed creating Warwick (I think that's his name it's been a while since I brushed up on LOL lore). I can't wait to see how his appearance later in the season is going to affect both of our girls

-also, speaking of vander, the fact that all it took for Vi to be like fuck it and put on the badge, was for her to hear someone say that they wished more people with her heart had badges, fuck

-another tidbit on Caitlyn is the fact that the Kirraman key she inherits tells us so much of her mother and family's legacy being the ones to assist clean air in the under city, and Caitlyn in her journey to avenge her mother completely undoing it by abusing to grey air to hunt Jinx

-Jinx saying its only right for her to die at her sisters hands!

-Sevika and Jinx being the power couple (platonic) that I never knew I needed. one begging to be lead and useful again, one need solace and something to fix so that she can fulfil some fucked up idea she has of herself

-another on Caitlyn. just the one scene at the end if episode one when she tells the council members to shut up and respect her? mommy? sorry. mommy? sorry

-Ekko and heigmerdinger are so precious and Ekko bonding with Jayce instead of just completely butting heads with him is actually perfect, but still I can't help but see the way they interact and recall the way Vi and Jayce interact in the first season. Ekko is Vi's little brother and you can't tell me otherwise

-oh yeah, and the new opening credits go hard, can't wait to see the impacts and foreshadowing they hold when the rest of the season releases

-and as a final thought, I'm actually really curious to see what sort of time jump is going to exist between all three acts, and how that mimics the format of the first season

[thecleverqueer]

Pure speculation and likely a lot of head canon, but this is how I think everything likely happened between Ahsoka and Sabine…

(While I think the Master/ Padawan relationship was the best complex relationship to explore with Ahsoka since a romance or her own child would be super lame and out of character, it is odd that Filoni chose Sabine. But, part of me thinks that it all either clicked in his head and he assumed we all knew what happened, or he wrongfully thought Fandom could fill in the blanks)

Anyway, here goes:

In my mind, and likely right after the Battle of Lothal, Ahsoka showed up there looking for Ezra as promised to find a broken Sabine trying to hold it together after losing 1/3 of her Ghost Family to death/ disappearance and the other 2/3 to the larger Rebellion. Sabine had made a promise to watch over Lothal, and that was what she was primarily committed to doing. Ahsoka and Sabine likely trauma bonded pretty quickly, and began going on adventures together in Ahsoka’s T-6 shuttle with Huyang (who I think likely joined up with Ahsoka early on in the Rebellion. It is my theory that he was the one that inevitably rescued her from Malachor).

One of their first adventures was likely a failed attempt to find Ezra (this is what I think they were probably doing during a New Hope).

After being unable to find their long lost friend, Ahsoka and Sabine likely helped the Rebellion when necessary, but were probably more likely just helping people or pockets of resistance than fighting the Empire directly. Anakin’s betrayal shattered Ahsoka in many ways, and the politics behind it all likely twisted her stomachs (yeah, togs have two of those). Sabine probably liked this better as well because it reminded her of a simpler time with the Ghost Crew.

They likely met Luke Skywalker for the first time during this time. Hera likely kept in close contact with Sabine, and she told her about the destruction of the first Death Star. And while Ahsoka was likely incredibly reluctant to disclose any details about her fallen Master, Sabine knew his name and Luke’s existence intrigued Ahsoka (albeit probably also weirded her out a bit where she was unwilling to stay around for too long).

All the while, Sabine likely needled Ahsoka to train her as a Jedi. She probably mentioned it often, and dropped it into conversations frequently. Sabine would want to cling to something that reminded her of Kanan and Ezra, having been raised by the former and grown up alongside the latter. Ahsoka probably saw something within Sabine, possibly a force spark. There were teases in Rebels that Sabine had very slight sensitivities to the force (rewatch “The Trials of the Dark Saber” arc and the “Wolves and the Door” / “World between Worlds” arc as reference, and REALLY squint). A reluctant Ahsoka probably thought to herself, “What the hell, right? She’s not THAT force sensitive! It’s not as if her power will damn the galaxy to fall into a sinking hole of darkness if the worst aspects of my dumpster fire of a lineage seep into her by my teachings.”

Ahsoka likely began to impart her wisdom on Sabine, but was not fully committed to it herself. Ahsoka looked at her legacy and saw a wake of death and destruction that shook her to her core. She thought of her time fighting in the Clone Wars being trained more as a warrior than a Jedi (likely the source of her “I’m no Jedi” sentiments; questions and concerns more than a lack of commitment to the ideology or code). She remembered encountering her older self in the cave on Mortis, warning her that the seeds of darkness were planted inside her by her master. It scared her. Also knowing exactly what happened to her master at that point (with the knowledge of Luke’s existence), she likely became even more cold, stoic and detached; fearful that her own attachments to people could make her vulnerable to the temptation of the darkness.

Their adventures continued… but then, the destruction of Mandalore happened.

As soon as Sabine caught wind of this, she flew furiously off of the rails as Sabine does. Sabine was always impulsive and emotional. She wanted to take the Empire on, full-frontal once again. Ahsoka likely contacted Bo-Katan to assess the situation, and to see if there was anything that they could do to help. Bo-Katan told Ahsoka that it was a lost cause, and to protect Sabine at all costs (Ursa’s dying request for maximum pain), one of the few remaining Mandalorians and the last remaining member of Clan Wren. Sabine and Ahsoka fought hard, loudly and contemptuously about this. Ahsoka tried to reason with Sabine, but she wanted to go scorched-Earth. Sabine’s rage panicked Ahsoka. Ahsoka stayed to keep Sabine in check on Lothal until the dust settled, and then Ahsoka left without a word. Sabine thought that it meant that Ahsoka didn’t trust her to do the right thing, or to fight for the right causes. Ahsoka thought if Sabine had any capacity to use the force, this deep-seated anger and her inability to let go could become problematic.

Sabine remained on Lothal to keep her promise to Ezra, broken and downtrodden. With Ahsoka and her family gone, and with Hera, Zeb, and Chopper busy with the New Republic, she felt incredibly alone and refocused her energy on finding her long-lost friend …even though that felt hopeless too.

Ahsoka, also broken and downtrodden, continued to travel alone with Huyang to protect the people in the galaxy; quietly working towards peace and justice, following the Jedi ideology and code, but never truly feeling worthy of the title. When she ran into Din requesting her to take on Grogu as a padawan, not only did it frighten her further, it stung.

Din said, “A Mandalorian and a Jedi? They’ll never see it coming.”

Ahsoka smiled fondly, a deep regret inside her formed as her failure with Sabine marinated, missing Sabine dearly, and she thought, “If you only knew the half of it…”

[shadowgast-recs-weekly]

Anonymous: A Shadowgast Rec List

This week, we have eight incredible fics posted Anonymously! Check them out below the cut, and don't forget to comment or leave kudos if you liked them!

Taste Every Fire and Hold Every Song by Anonymous (23790, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-con

The Mighty Nein formulate a plan to take down the Cerberus Assembly once and for all. The Cobalt Soul requires information before that can happen, and Caleb and Essek offer to infiltrate through an underground party, with Essek posing as Caleb's sex slave. For a while it seems the plan is working perfectly and then things take a turn for the worse and Essek is left to wonder if he really knows Caleb at all.

Reccer says: The emotions are realistically portrayed for the trauma described.

Give and Take by anonymous (1473, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

A wonderful study in submission and an exchange of power through the lens of a different society.

Reccer says: Very lovely writing with some incredibly hot smut that gives light to some wonderful character dynamics.

Love Letters to Toss Into the Fire by Anonymous (59420, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: None

Caleb and Essek write each other letters

Reccer says: Creative delivery methods, and the height of wizard flirting romance!

of more delight than hawks and horses by Anonymous (1431, General) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Jester keeps on giving Caleb gifts. Caleb isn't used to having thigns.

Reccer says: This feels very true to life for me, and gets into some of the complexity of allowing yourself to accept nice gifts from people who can afford them after going through very lean times.

techniques for perfect flavor pairings by Anonymous (8688, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: Incest, Series has works involving incest, this fic has also one line referencing incest.

Through a series of trial and error Essek and Caleb explore sex together to accommodate their different sex drives.

Reccer says: Essek's struggle with his own expectations what sex should be is very relatable from an ace perspective.

ready now by Anonymous (1745, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Essek tries to formally discuss their developing relationship and Caleb misunderstands him.

Reccer says: I love depictions of their relationship becoming romantic and this is now how I imagine it happened – awkward and filled with misunderstandings. Featuring advice from best friend Jester

And then two recs for

Keys to the Castle by Anonymous (51812, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Set just after their Aeor trip Caleb gives Essek a key to his tower. Domestic fluff, pining and misunderstandings ensues.

Reccer 1 says: This is such a comfort fic for me. With the domesticity in the tower and their growing relationship, and then delicious angst with a happy ending. Reccer 2 says: This is A+ pining and mutually unrequited love.

Aeor is for Lovers is an 18+ Shadowgast Discord server. The above fanfic recommendations were pulled from our community for this weekly event. All fics, unless otherwise specified, will primarily feature Shadowgast.  Have any questions about what this is? Check out the FAQ! Next week's theme is Marriage/Engagement!

[antitheticallyargumentative]

Hi! I would very much love to hear the entire long rant about Ted and Jamie’s relationship!

I love you for indulging me.

A little disclaimer that I in no way hate Ted. I love him. He has good intentions. He's just a flawed human with a lot of his own baggage that hinders him from actually being able to objectively see Jamie's situation for what it is. And that leads to him offering shit advice. He seriously fucked up when it came to Jamie, (in my opinion), even if his heart was in the right place. So here we go.

TW- mentions of mental health issues, canonical suicide, and abuse and trauma

The way I see it, there are several things happening here. 1) Ted sees Jamie as a surrogate son-figure, because he misses his own son and Jamie is a little bit wayward and lacking his own father-figure, and that activates Ted's savior-complex-I-can-fix-him ways. 2) Ted sees Jamie as a little part of himself- his own inner child. The sixteen year old boy who brutally lost his own dad and never worked through the grief. 3) Jamie sees Ted, at least a bit, as a form of father figure, in the way that he both wants his approval and is innately distrustful of him. (Mind games.)

The problem then lies in the fact that Jamie is not truly either of these things that Ted sees him as, and Ted cannot be a healthy male figure for Jamie because he has too much of his own shit to work through, first. And Jamie also has his own.

I think that, at his core, Jamie wants to be a good person. His time at Richmond has seen him growing into one, and in his head I think he at least partially equates that to Ted's influence. So he wants to stay in Ted's good graces, because like he's said he never got a lot of support from older male figures, and that's clearly something he craves. He wants Ted's approval, but there's also the fact that Ted has left him during confrontations with his dad twice, and in Jamie's eyes, sent him away to Manchester City right after he started trying. Need for approval paired with feeling like he's walking a very fragile line and can't quite trust anything about his relationship with Ted to stay safe.

Ted holds onto a desperate need to fix things. When you see someone hurt themselves, or lose them to mental illness, it's traumatic. It makes you wonder if you could have, should have, done more. Seen it coming. If you could have stopped it. Ted said to Dr. Sharon that “I wasn’t ever gonna let anyone get by me without understanding that they might be hurting inside.” So now he walks through life trying to make sure everybody stays OK, except for himself. And you can't do that. It's not healthy. So when he sees Jamie, this twenty-something-year-old kid with a fucked up relationship with his dad, Ted can't see it clearly. He's so caught up in his own father-related trauma that he projects that onto Jamie. He gives Jamie the advice that he means for himself. Ted needs to forgive his father, so that he can process the grief and the trauma and move forward. Ted needs to give that to himself. But that is incredibly dangerous advice to give someone who's father is clearly shown to be emotionally and physically abusive.

Ted and Jamie both have a lot of father-related trauma. But their situations are not at all applicable to each other, it's just that Ted can't see that because he hasn't worked through any of his own issues. Which leads to complicated relationships and shitty, dangerous advice. There we go.

Woo! That was long.

[khruschevshoe]

Izzy Hands

What if when he sees me, I like him and he knows it?

What if he opens up a door and I can't close it?

What happens then?

If when he holds me my heart is set in motion

I'm not prepared for that

I'm scared of breaking open

But still I can't help from hoping

To find someone to talk to, who likes the way I am

Someone who when he sees me wants to again

-Sara Bareilles, When He Sees Me

Though being drawn and watched is incredibly erotic, there is something almost more terrifying sitting in this room, this sense that Izzy is one step away from giving away something he doesn't know how to take back. Though he wants it more than anything, he cannot figure out how to welcome it in. There is a bubble in Izzy’s chest that is bound to pop at any moment, spilling all of these impossible emotions within him.

Pete seems just as attracted to the idea as Izzy is. "Oh, screw this," Pete says, drops his knife, leans in, and kisses Izzy.

"Just don't mess up my sightlines, babe," Lucius reminds, and Pete nods.

The first kiss is sensual but sweet, hungry but not demanding. Izzy is more than willing to lean up into it, into Pete's hand cupping his cheek. There's tongue involved, yes, but it's still nothing deeper than they've done before.

It's the second kiss, though, that pierces the bubble. Pete leans down, mouthing at Izzy's neck, and the tension breaks. Something shatters inside of him.

“Don’t worry, babe,” Pete says, sweet as can be, scary as Blackbeard, “We’ll keep our hands above the waist.”

But Izzy is shirtless, and Pete is kissing his neck, and Lucius is sketching him, and this is not a situation that feels safe, not anymore.

-aletterinthenameofsanity, swear this time around I'm gonna stay (love me if you choose to)

And here we have everyone's favorite: Izzy Hands. God, what is there to say about him that others haven't? Izzy in this series gets the arc he deserves regarding his recovery from trauma and abuse, gets to have a rather complex but fulfilling journey regarding intimacy (both emotional and physical), and gets to find himself not only as a First Mate to someone who values him (go Captain Oluwande!), but as person who is loved not just by his two boyfriends but by his crew and family. Also religious metaphors. God, Izzy's relationship with faith, sacrifice, and offering in his relationships with others is possibly the most compelling thing in this series and that is SAYING SOMETHING.

@polikate @possumsmushroom @angxlwiings @bricksbloggyplace

[little-meowyao]

Hello..If you don't mind me asking (again), can I ask, what are your top 7 (or top 10) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series/etc) and your top 10 favorite (fictional) characters from any media? Why do you love them all? Sorry if you've answered this questions before......

I haven't! And I'm so thrilled you sent this actually

(Readmore because long-ish post)

So when it comes to medias, I am going to say (and I hope you don't mind classics lol)

No Longer Human

This book is just. Everything to me. You have no idea I went through it so quickly I ADORE IT. Literature bible

Did you ever get the feeling of being so similiar to someone, so close, but there's just this sense of sheer disconnect from them? Like a thread that should in all reason hold two things together but doesn't? "Hello, I feel disconnected from humanity" "Hello, I feel disconnected from humanity too but I can't relate to you"

No Longer Human my beloved

2. Nirvana in Fire

This speaks for itself, I think. It is so incredibly intricate and compelling, also I love Lying Liars Who Lie. And trajedies. I like palace/political dramas a lot!

3. I Became a God in a Horror Game (GHG)

How do I even begin to explain this one. It's a 1.5 million words beast. I've only read half of it. I am on the edge of my seat always. The protagonist is kinda scummy, money-obsessed, and so so interesting. They have powers

Again, I've only read half of it, but it's that kinda novel that just keeps you READING READING READING. I like it a lot

There is a beast of a little girl and a little clown named Daniel. He only just started appearing but if anything happens to him, I will kill everyone in the room and then myself. He's murderous, but that's fine because he spent 10 years in constant torment

The worldbuilding is super intricate

4. Bungo Stray Dogs

I love the worldbuilding (although Fyodor's ability reveal was super whack) but the relationships are what get me. Fyolai especially, a hyper religious man with a savior complex that in the latest chaps I've read is implied to be kinda suicidal and an atheist clown who seeks pure freedom and wants to kill Fyodor because his affection for him is a cage and he also reeks of religious trauma. They are So Insane

Dazai is my most favourite for obvious reasons (see: NLH rant above) but Mori. Mori, this man. Wow

VERY controversial opinion within BSD fandom but I adore Mori and desperately want to know more about him. I will murder someone if his entire backstory isn't shown

Also Fuukuchi. [Weary sigh] I adore Fukuchi. Such a complicated man

5. Mo Dao Zu Shi

I really didn't think I'd put it this low but it's kinda whack actually. Very compelling but also unfortunately very vague world. I love the social dynamics at play and I do think that the ending, while super cruel and horrible to so many people, is thematically appropriate

Also it contains my currently favourite blorbo! Jin Guangyao my dearest. What an interesting little bug

6. The Inheritance Cycle

One way more childish than above (YA) but so good nonetheless. I love the implications of the magic system (a whole language that invokes magic! The Ancient Language) and of the dragons, but especially of the ra'zac. Gods the ra'zac

Birdish creatures that exist outside of the magic grid of the Ancient Language. They cannot use magic but they cannot be detected by it either. Most likely they don't have a name in the ancient language (the One True language of the world that dictates natural laws, kinda). They seem to be natural predators to humans

Their natural speech is hisses and clicks and stuff but they can speak. Then they metamorphise into lethrblaka and lose the ability to speak, and start flying

I also love the implications of the dragons being able to just erase things from existence (via bouts of magic they don't entirely control). They erased the names of the thirteen dragons that willingly participated in the massacre of their species. Their names cannot be spoken out loud and anyone that reads them quickly forgets. It also doomed the dragons to isolation, because any sort of communication or "I like [thing]" would be like naming themselves. Many of their riders (humans bonded to them since their birth) went insane because of that, and a notion dragons are wild beasts spread from that (they're not, they're as sentient and intelligent as any human)

And 7. The Plated Prisioner series

The worldbuilding is not super complex. They have powers that come from fae ancestors, and that's about it (so far; I've only read up to the 4th book)

What keeps me hooked is the story itself. The pacing is actually really good (I think) and the story just keeps going and you just want to keep reading and reading and reading. There are moments of massive tension and people who die and the transformation of the mc is incredibly cool

8. Genshin Impact

This would probably be further up if you'd asked me an year or two ago. I like the story a lot and the characters are really cool. All The Fuckery of Mondstadt has me hooked (why do essentially all the Mondstadt characters have some trauma or something weird about them. Genuinely. And what was the deal with the upside down statue. And why is Celestia pointing to it)

I am really looking foward to 7.0 version and beyond where we get to FINALLY face the main antagonists (HOPEFULLY BECAUSE IF IT ISN'T THE TSARITSA WHO COULD IT BE) and then for Kahenri'ah. There's a character (Dainsleif) that shows up once an year, drops a lore bomb, traumadumps, and then disappears, and he has the entire playerbase by the throath. Though the lsst two quests with him have been sadly very short :(

As for my blorbos, I'm just gonna list some of them (in no particular order)

This is /checks notes, 6 books (series), a show, and a game

Jin Guangyao (MDZS)

Qi Rong (TGCF)

Kaeya (Genshin Impact)

Dainsleif (Genshin Impact)

Bai Liu (GHG)

Dazai (BSD)

Fyodor (BSD)

Mori (BSD)

Nikolai (BSD)

Fukuchi (BSD)

Lan Xichen (MDZS)

Nie Mingjue (MDZS)

Daniel (GHG)

Georgia (GHG)

Tang Erda (GHG)

[nonsenuser]

planet of the apes (trilogy + kingdom)

spoilers ahead for the whole planet of the apes trilogy and kingdom of the planet of the apes

i have a very faint memory about these movies from when i was younger, i mean its a very popular series, who wouldnt be intrigued by the concept of talking apes (also the visual effects for these r genuinely very impressive) but what i don't remember is how surprisingly nuanced the conflicts in the movies feel

when watching these movies as someone much older, with the context of everything currently happening and everything that has happened, it puts the conflict between the apes-humans into a very real life context. caesar is such a wonderful, interesting and honestly deeply complex character, the trilogy works incredibly well as a whole and while some of the movies r much much better than others, his upbringing, trauma and overall experiences play such a role in what we see him do and say in these movies. what makes caesars experience so unique, is his proximity to his oppressors (humans). he has undoubtedly seen the ugly side to them, but on the other hand, he was literally raised by a human. who he undoubtedly holds so much love for and at the same time understands the ways in which as a collective humans have been bad to his people.

that's also why koba, who has seen the most grotesque side of human nature, and in a sense these experiences have radicalized him, will always haunt caesar. because of koba's experiences, one could say his ideology is more focused and clearer than caesars, who is grappling with it continuously throughout the trilogy bc of his attitude twds humans (and this gets brought up repeatedly throughout the trilogy) koba isn't even wrong in his frustrations, would the humans have attacked first? maybe, if the humans had a leader who was much like caesar, the conflict wouldn't have escalated to a point we saw in war. but again who could say for sure. im looking back on what i wrote so far and ive realized how much harder it is to talk about the original trilogy! Dawn is the best of the trilogy for this reason, the escalation of the conflict is dense and you could analyze it through a political lens and compare it to real life events... but i don't think i have enough political insight to serve it justice.

people have analyzed War (which is think is kinda easier to analyze than Dawn) like theres a clear parallel with american nationalism and how horrific and damaging that is to the oppressed (like they put the apes in literal camps) and also they had a strong strong desire to rid of anyone who held mutated virus, you could pull the pandemic parallel sure but this is also how an unfortunate huge chunk of the world feels about disabled people (the idea that ppl need to rid them so they don't infiltrate the gene pool or something like that). and just like in real life you have the humans outside of the camps who are opposed to the ideology of woody harellson and his men.

but anyways throughout all of this CAESAR grows and learns, and as a leader he guides his kind to freedom, their path to liberation is rough but it is well understood that his leadership was incredibly inspiring. it is no surprise that people live by his word, generations after he passed, to the point where they misconstrue his message

kingdom planted a lot, and i mean a LOT of interesting seeds. caesar being a religious figure of sorts, and noa, who you could call a skeptic for most of the movie, are great inclusions to continue the saga. a lot of very important questions get asked (not literally, but this is what i gathered)

caesars words guided their kind back then, how suitable are they for everyone generations later? (especially since they just have word of mouth to go off of)

the humans want to 'reclaim what they once had', what lengths are they willing to go for that and is it justified?

IS IT POSSIBLE FOR HUMANS AND APES TO LIVE SIDE BY SIDE? the most important question of them all. and it will be a very difficult one to tackle! has it been long enough that apes will 'forgive' humans? will humans just want to consume and reclaim without consideration for the apes? how nuanced r the viewpoints within the humans and apes?

DO YOU SEE HOW MUCH THERE IS HERE. the messaging is so so so dense and even though it is just an ape movie it is really fascinating to see how all of this plays out! i am so incredibly excited for the sequels to kingdom. would love anyone to jump in on the conversation, correct me or otherwise it is just a lot! i love this series!

[whinlatter]

hi! I might be childish but I am 100% agreeing with McGonagall not getting Ginny’s Christmas card…🙃

Can you please tell us some about her mindset? Is it just trying to get the school through this year, is it really though love, remorse or..?

the mcgonagall discourse continues to tickle me no end. anon i for one applaud an encourage any and all childishness. also i agree! dropping people from the christmas card list because you've got major beef with them is a time-honoured and noble tradition and ginny is right to uphold it

i don't want to say too much that will end up in the fic but! i think mcgonagall in beasts thinks she is trying to Do Her Best - for ginny, for the other students under her care, but also for hogwarts as an institution, which is an institution whose mission and ethos she really believes in. a lot of this is is (understandably, and not necessarily wrongly) bound up in her loyalty to her mentor, dumbledore, someone she didn't always agree with but whose vision for hogwarts she consistently throws her weight behind.

minnie's got a huge amount on her plate stepping up as headmistress in 1998. she's the headteacher of a student body who are individually and collectively traumatised, who are only just beginning to process what happened to them, and whose traumas are extremely complex and diverse and don't really have the tools to grasp each other's often very different but no less serious sufferings (obviously the the pureblood/half-blood students who endured life under the carrows during the war and the DA lot who actively resisted the carrows and paid a huge price for it, but also muggleborn students who were on the run, and all those who were in azkaban.) she's dealing with a lot of guilt for all that she couldn't shield her students from (more to come on this), and she's sincere in her belief that young people who have gone through enormous upheaval need structure, routine, accountability, and a kind of compassion that manifests as someone saying no, you can't punch whoever you like because they said something horrible to you. you do have to hand your homework in. you do need to not sneak out of the castle at night and make everyone worry about you. partly this is generational - she was born in 1935, she has a set of ideas about acceptable and unacceptable ways of expressing your distress as a child. but i think this is also a not inherently cruel or abusive child welfare philosophy, even if it doesn't really take on a lot of what we know of how trauma manifests in young people and adolescents. minerva would say: it's my job to look after my students, i'm the adult and authority figure, i need to reimpose and safeguard the social contract that holds an institution like a school together, and also to make sure that i care about each individual student while also managing the impact of students' behaviours on each other. (in canon, she repeatedly does enforce the rules in strong terms and doesn't make excuses when harry - a character who is well within his rights to act out given his life experiences - gets in a fight or fucks up and breaks the rules in ways that meaningfully impact his peers.)

when it comes to ginny, i think mcgonagall sees lots of herself in her. they share a fierce protective streak, they're both very loyal, they're both incredibly stubborn, and they both are petty as hell and show their emotions by way of biscuit/christmas card deprivation. but that also means mcgonagall expects more of ginny than most, especially as someone who rode hard for the hogwarts student body the preceding year. mcgonagall wants ginny to help her keep hogwarts standing and continue to play the part of a role model for her peers as someone (she knows) they look up to. ginny does not want to do that. and mcgonagall's massively frustrated that ginny has (also understandably) held her hands up and said fuck that, role model schmole model, i've gone through it and you're all now saying back to normal and pretending it never happened. what's hard is that they're both kind of right! but neither is able to say it. and that's why gryffindor girlies are so fun and massively annoying to smash into each other when doing the literary equivalent of playing dolls (writing fanfiction)