#white tire lettering kit

[suksatoru]

let's try again (and do it right)! —ft: t. todoroki x fem!reader

a carnations oneshot — ↪ touya and ikea furniture do not mesh well together, but he's willing to put his sanity on the line when it comes to you ❤︎

“Shit,”

That’s the fourth cut he’s gotten — Touya winces, reaching behind him to grab another bandage from your first aid kit before wrapping it around his finger. He flexes his hand with a quiet sigh, looking at the wooden pieces in front of him with silent disdain.

Putting together furniture is hard. Touya had mistakenly thought it would be easy, something he could finish in under an hour before you got home. Perhaps he’d been a little too confident—he certainly didn’t expect a thirty page pamphlet of steps and enough screws to make his head dizzy to come out of such a small box.

It didn’t help that the lettering on the pages was ridiculously small; he could just barely read the instructions if he squinted his eyes hard enough. He half considered activating his quirk to light the rulebook on fire, but decided against it, only for your own mental sake. As infuriating as it was to assemble all the irksome little parts, he’d rather not light your apartment on fire while you were out shopping with Fuyumi.

So, he’ll clench his teeth with every splinter he gets, wince silently every time the screwdriver slips from his grasp—only to watch the screws scatter and disappear into the carpet faster than he can react. It’s hopeless—this whole surprise was. Touya’s not sure if he’s ever struggled so much with something so supposedly ‘simple’ before, but he’s already coming up with a nasty review to leave online about the company providing a screwdriver small enough to be considered a doll accessory and rules in every single language except the one he knows.

“I’m home!”

You enter your apartment only to be met with silence. Hanging your coat on the rack and quietly kicking off your boots, your footsteps are muffled by the socks you wear as you pad around the apartment in search of a certain white haired Todoroki.

“Touya?” you call out, frowning when you see your bedroom and living room are both void of him. You hear a quiet grunt coming from the other room down the hall, and a knowing grin takes over your face when you see the light inside is turned on.

Slowly, you push the door open and peek your head inside — Touya’s sitting on the ground, a single hand tugging harshly at the strands of his hair as he mutters under his breath. He’s completely unaware of your presence, seemingly talking to himself as he silently curses at the assortment of screws laid out in front of him.

It takes you a moment to realize what’s going on, but your heart positively swoons once you do. Carefully, you approach Touya with the quietest of steps before gently pulling his hand away from his head, bringing it to your lips and pressing a chaste kiss to his knuckles.

He spins around the moment you touch him, lips parted in surprise at your quiet intrusion before he quickly helps lower you onto the ground beside him. His eyes soften, and you watch his shoulders slump in shame as he presses a gentle kiss to your cheek.

“You’re home early,” he mutters quietly, eyes downcast and brows furrowed as he takes in the mess around the two of you — embarrassed, he presses the back of his hand to his eyes and sighs quietly.

“Touya,” you say softly

He doesn’t look up, letting out a quiet hum so you know he heard you

“I told you we could build the crib together.”

He doesn’t reply. Not for a few seconds, not until he feels you gently cradle his cheek to get his attention. Touya peels his hand away from his face with a quiet grunt, a frown tugging his lips downwards.

“I know. I just… wanted to surprise you. ‘m sorry, I made a big mess for you to worry about.” He sighs, dragging a tired hand down his face before you smile warmly. After tapping his thigh, he quickly spreads his legs for you and moves until his back is against the wall. You crawl into his lap, and he immediately settles one warm hand on the small of your back while the other rests over the swell of your stomach.

“It’s stupid, but — I shouldn’t be struggling this much to assemble a crib. How am I gonna do anything right with the baby if I’m messing up before it even gets here?” He questions bitterly, rubbing circles over your stomach as you hum, moving closer into his embrace.

“You’ve been nothing but absolutely amazing this entire time. And, you know, Ikea assembling is only for the bravest of souls out there. When I first got this apartment, I had to sleep on an air mattress because I couldn’t figure out how to assemble my bed frame!”

He lets out a huff of laughter, but it doesn’t seem to reach his eyes. His grip on you tightens a little more — and he remains unconvinced by your words.

“Is there something else bothering you? Let’s talk about it, Touya.” You offer as his eyes flutter close. He lets out a shuddered breath, lips pressing into a firm line as he drops his head onto your shoulder

“I’m scared.”

He makes a small, evasive sound after speaking the words into existence — quietly watching you for your reaction. But, your eyes are trailed onto his hands, ones that cradle your stomach with enough love to assure you that no matter how fearful Touya was — he was ready.

“Me too.”

Hearing that makes him smile. It’s barely a twitch of his lips, but it’s there regardless.

“Being scared is normal, Touya. We’re both starting something wonderful and new — it’s only natural to be afraid, right? Think about how weird it would be if we both went in feeling totally cool about this!”

He laughs, nosing at your throat with a hum. You can feel the stretch of his lips against your skin as he trails little kisses up and across your jaw.

“I guess you’re right about that.” He says, and you can see the tension has finally left his muscles. He sits back, far more relaxed than when you found him as you usher your head towards the unassembled crib.

“Let’s build it together, okay? I’ve had a lot of experience with Ikea’s terrible instructions before. And we can brainstorm some baby names while we’re at it! It’ll be fun!” you beam, and Touya’s heart rate picks up at the sight of your smile.

“Alright. You just sit back and tell me what to do. You want me to get a drink while I grab you a pillow? Water, juice, tea?”

“Ice cream?” you question with a hopeful grin

He nods wordlessly, getting up with a bit more pep in his step as he quickly exits to grab everything for you — you call out his name softly, and his head pops back into the doorframe less than a second later

“Yeah?”

Touya was wearing a long sleeve black tee and sweatpants, comfortable attire for him to lounge in at home. He’s wearing slippers too, you guys have matching ones. Touya always wears them whenever he goes onto the balcony to watch the sunset with you.

There’s a pen in the pocket of his shirt, too. He liked keeping one on him for whenever he got an idea for a baby name. His little notebook was filled with all sorts of names and little notes he wanted to keep in mind.

“Get two spoons so we can both share the ice cream, okay?”

It takes the two of you another hour to finish the crib, but the outcome is unquestionably worth it. It’s an adorable crib that rocks leisurely back and forth, and you were practically vibrating with excitement with how well it turned out. Touya took a couple of tries rocking it, a dorky grin overtaking his face with every push.

“I can’t believe we did it. Holy fuck, that was a form of torture I wasn’t familiar with. Promise me we are never getting furniture from that Ikea place again, please.” 

Touya’s deadpan expression cracks when you laugh, and the sight is so heartwarming that he truly believes he could go a hundred more times assembling any type of furniture you presented him with, even with their agonizingly small screws and their mockingly difficult to read pamphlets, if he had you by his side.

a/n; oh my gawdd i've missed carnations touya :( but yay look there's a mini todoroki comingg!! touya's nervous but i believe he'll be a great dad :) it's a baby boy btw and he's gonna give it all the love and confidence he never got as a kid <3 WOAH also just realized reader and touya had to do the boombaya for a baby to be in the picture... someone asked what touya would be like during your first time, so if you wanna read that it's somewhere in the carnations tag :3 thank you for reading!

[enwoso]

Cute lil blurb idea we know alessia is one of the faces of adidas. Alessia getting gifted a pair of her own boots as well as a Lovie sized pair and Lovie wants to wear them all the time and wear her hair up like alessias because she says she’s dressed as mummy

mirrored | alessia russo x child!reader

grumpy universe

it was an average wednesday, alessia was carrying you into the arsenal training ground her hands filled with her bag and your bag. you still being half asleep after falling back asleep on the car journey there as alessia made her way through the long corridors and towards the changing room.

not before being stopped by a memeber of staff, "alessia there's a box that's got your new boots in" he smiled as he passed the blonde in the corridor. alessia calling out a thank you as she headed still towards the changing room.

"right lovie are you just going to sit and watch your ipad?" your mummy asked as you hummed pulling your blanket further up to your face. alessia pushing the door to the changing room with her foot as she headed inside, most of the girls being there already and starting to change into their training gear.

alessia placed you down on the bench near her locker as you got yourself comfy, your mummy quickly propping your ipad up and putting something on for you to watch knowing you'd be content until you came around and woke up properly.

alessia sat down and took a breathe, it being the first one she'd properly been able to take this morning after having to rush around after pressing snooze one too many times this morning.

"this yours, less?" alessia turned to where the voice was coming from, it was lotte pointing to a big brown box that was sat next to alessia.

the blonde nodding, "yeah it's new boots for the rest of the season."

"you not gonna open them? looks like they've sent enough for the next season too" lotte joked looking at the size of the box, it definitely not being the smallest box. alessia humming as she too was wondering why the box was so abnormally large. there was only supposed to be three pairs of boots in there.

"they said they were only sending three pairs-" alessia paused as she lifted the box onto her lap, ripping open the seal on the cardboard box, a loud noise echoing the room as she did so.

"oo they aren't they nice" alessia mumbled under her breath as she looked at the boots, a smile creeping on her face. it was always fun getting new kit, the excitement of unboxing them.

"what's in that one?" lotte pointed to the small adidas box which definitely didn't have boots in as it was too small. the blonde shrugged picking them up from inside the large brown box they'd been shipped in.

opening the box, there was a greeting card on top. 'toughness in tiny packages!'

a little quirk of the eyebrow as alessia looked towards lotte who just shrugged urging the blonde to just open the box.

moving the white tissue paper covering the item was a small pair of boots, just like the ones they'd sent alessia but in a size that would fit you.

"oh my god, she's gonna love these" alessia pouted taking in the small boots as she turned them around getting a full feel of the pair of green fusion with the three stripes being a purple colour.

they were almost identical to the ones alessia had just been given to use for the remainder of the season, they had even put your name on the side in small white letters.

a small pout on alessia face as her heart was melting at the cuteness of them, "there class them" lotte complimented as alessia showed her best friend where they'd even put your name on them.

alessia gushed over the small boots along with the other sets of clothes adidas had sent you to wear that matched your mummy. alessia decided to wait until you were in a better mood to show you them. knowing it would get a better reaction than the tired reaction she would get if she showed them to you now.

morning training had finished and the team was ready to go to lunch, you'd been waiting inside. playing with winnie for the morning, you even getting to take the club dog for a walk around the inside of the training ground.

"lovie, c'mere" your mummy called you over as you were laid out on the floor with win, as you watched your ipad. winnie guarding over you protectively.

you perking up at the sound of her voice, pushing yourself off the floor and toward your mum. leaving win to watch your ipad.

you walked over you to your mummy as had a big smile on her face, lifting you up when you got closer. "i've got something to show you"

your eyebrows knitted together, "what is it" you asked curiously. as you began to guess things as your mummy carried you to wherever this thing was that she had to show you.

"no lovie it unfortunately isn't a unicorn but i think it's just as good!" your mummy let out a chuckle at your strange suggestions as you got lost in thought — what was better than a unicorn?

alessia took you back into the locker room where she’d left the packages, placing you to sit on the bench as she grabbed the brown boxes from her locker before handing them to you.

you looked at the box that was now on your lap it easy being nearly the size of you, as you hesitantly looked up towards your mum. one thing you did know is that there definitely wasn’t a unicorn in there..

“open it lovie” your mummy encouraged as you opened the box, discarding the wrapping to one side as you rummaged around before finally lifting up the boot.

a gasp escaping you as you looked at the football boots, a big grin plastered across your face as you jumped up to hug your mummy’s leg. maybe matching boots were cooler than a unicorn.

“mummy there exactly like yours!” your called out holding the boot in the air as if it was a trophy a giggle coming from your mummy’s leg at your excitement.

“i can be like you now!” you continued, as you looked at the two boots as your mummy sat down next to you showing that they had your name on the side, you being in utter awe and for once lost for words, for a short amount of time.

“i wear them now!” you asked as alessia nodded knowing it would put a damper on your mood if she hadn’t let you. “you put my hair like yours too!” you asked pointing to the thick plait that was in your mummy’s pony tail — you wanting the exact same.

your mummy did as you asked plaiting your pony tail that your hair had been scraped back into this morning, alessia putting your little fly aways back in place as you put your boots on. trying your best to lace them but you hadn’t mastered that yet so you left it for your mummy to do.

“all done lovie!” your mummy patted your feet as she finished lacing your boot up, a grin not leaving your face. “gosh it’s like looking in the mirror-“

you were stood looking in the mirror that was built into the wall in the locker room, your mummy stood behind you and if anyone had of walked in it would ah e looked like alessia had duplicated a smaller version of herself.

“should we show the girls?” your mummy asked as you nodded rushing off back to the canteen where most of the girls would be, alessia following suit.

"woah, less is that you?" beth joked as she knelt down to your height as you came in the room just before your mummy, you dressed exactly like her.

"no bethy! it's me!" you squealed correcting beth as she let out a loud laugh. alessia coming through the double doors.

"silly me, i just couldn't tell you apart you look just like your mum!"

[jsprnt]

Americano PT. 1 | Jude Bellingham x Reader

What happens if two individuals who absolutely despise each other are forced to interact after unforeseen events occur?

A/N: part one is here, enjoy! <3

W/C: 3.398

Introduction

"Can you try smiling this time?"

I mumble, holding myself back from rolling my eyes in annoyance. I click my tongue, standing behind Luis, my close friend and cameraman.

"The photo needs to be edited later, for sure. Looks a little off compared to the others." I tell Luis, sending an insult to the man in front of the camera, in English for him to hear.

Even so, Luis and I usually spoke English to each other. It being a language we were both very well versed in.

Jude doesn't even look like he wants to be here, at all. He wouldn't be the only one, that was for sure. 

"That's good enough, Bellingham. You can go." I say, folding my arms up to my chest.

"Finally." He mutters, rolling his eyes, the Brummie accent, which was quite new to me, rolling off his tongue.

He raises his hands, smoothing down his shirt, before nodding at Luis with a smile and leaving, not acknowledging me per usual.

"Douchebag." I mumble, solely for myself to hear, but I notice Luis glancing at me.

"What?" I ask, rolling the papers in my hands into a tube out of boredom. The letters curving with the bend of the paper.

"You two are becoming more insufferable every day." He says, going to wipe his camera lens with a microfiber cloth. He treated his cameras like his actual children.

"Not my fault." I reply through clenched teeth, placing a hand on my hip.

"You spilled an entire americano on his brand new, white kit. On his first day here." He says, recalling the embarrassing and aggravating incident.

"It was just an accident!" I retort, unfolding the papers again. "We could have moved on from that after I apologized, but he's decided to be an asshole about it."

So, who was the insufferable one here?

He doesn't say anything else, an uninterested sigh leaving his lips as he distracts himself with the lens.

I saw Luis as the older brother I never had, but he wasn't even taking my side in the situation.

Traitor.

I huff, turning away and looking around the pitch for some entertainment I could turn into content.

My eyes catch the players of the club warming up a couple meters away.

Easy content, my favorite.

"Can I get a camera?" I nudge Luis, his eyes looking up at mine.

"Should I trust you with one?" He says, voice unsure.

"Yes, just give me the smaller one." I usher, holding my hand out in anticipation.

He sighs again, grabbing the requested camera out of his equipment bag.

"Two hands." He mutters.

I roll my eyes, grabbing the camera with the apparently very necessary, two hands.

"I'll take care of your child." I mock, smile tugging at my lips as I see him get annoyed.

"Chill, I've got it." I add, walking away from him.

I was being serious, of course.

Firstly, I wanted these shots to come out perfectly. Secondly, I didn't want to get killed by him for ruining his precious camera. I had enough enemies in this club already. Losing an ally wasn't on my bingo list this season.

I turn the camera on clumsily, pointing it at the training players as I'm standing behind the goal.

How the hell does a small camera weigh this much? It genuinely felt like a bag of rocks weighing down on my arms.

I try to ignore the heaviness of the camera, filming the individual shooting of the players. Moving the camera when necessary.

I stand there for a moment, before I hear Luis come up to me, finally taking the camera out of my hands.

"How the hell do you even hold these cameras? My arm almost went numb." I say, rubbing my tired arm as I look at him.

"I go to the gym, unlike you- and I'm used to it by now." He replies, focusing on filming.

The urge to say something petty back is interrupted as Camavinga suddenly yells at us, our heads snapping up.

« Tu filmes? » are you filming?

He shouts in French, standing in his position.

I used to whine and complain about having to take French back in school, but now I was genuinely grateful for it. It was very useful now, even though I had forgotten a great chunk of it.

"Want us to?" I shout back in English, ignoring the fact that we are shouting back and forth like maniacs. He nods, giving us a thumbs up.

"Yeah, go ahead." I nudge Luis, making him film again. I grab him, making him take a step back for safety, watching Cama receive the ball and shoot, hitting the net perfectly.

I cheer quietly, not wanting to disturb the audio of the footage as he smiles back at me, walking back to stand and watch the other players.

I have been working in the marketing and PR department at Real Madrid for about two years now. The club and players were generally very nice to work with, which made my job so much better.

It wasn't my permanent job. I had just started my third year of my law degree this new school year, combining online classes with this job. Balancing did get difficult at times, but I liked the fact that it kept me busy and motivated.

"Think we're good to go." Luis says, interrupting my thoughts as he points his camera downward.

"You sure?" I ask, whipping my head around.

"Yeah, the sun is about to melt us and the camera. Come on, let's go inside." He says, grabbing my wrist and dragging me away from the pitch

"If you read this sentence, does it sound like I know what I'm talking about?" I ask Lina, her face scrunching up almost instantly. 

I was confident enough to write this essay on my own, really, but having a friend keep me company made it way more fun. 

"You know I don't like thinking about school. That's in the past for me." She says, her hands coming up in front of her defensively. 

"Come on, please? I'll grab a drink for you in a minute." I beg, placing my hands on her shoulders, shaking her back and forth.

"Make it two."

"Deal."

"Okay, show me." She says, shoving a piece of pineapple into her mouth, grabbing my laptop and leaning forward as I repeat the question. 

She types away for a second, adding a few words before turning to me after reading the sentence again. 

"What are you writing? The damn Magna Carta? What kind of essay is this?" She asks, her eyebrows raised. 

"It's about EU law." I sigh, I liked this subject, it was very interesting, but I couldn't wait to be done with this fifteen page essay. 

"Explains a lot." She says, shoving another piece of fruit into her mouth. Her fork suddenly appearing in front of my face, a piece of watermelon spiced onto it. 

"Thanks." I mutter, biting off the piece of fruit as I hear commotion in the hallways. 

"Get me my drinks, please?" She asks, blinking at me. I roll my eyes, push my laptop back and get up. 

"Let me guess, a lime soda and an orange juice?" 

"You got it." She winks, smiling at me. 

I chuckle at her, looking up as I watch the players pile into the cafeteria. 

"Lunchtime?" I mouth at Lina, she checks the time on her phone, nodding. 

I make my way to the bar, extending my arms up to grab two cups. The feeling of someone's hand on mine catching me off guard as I immediately let go of the cup. Turning around to see Jude right behind me. 

"What are you doing?" I ask, sending him a nasty look. Invading my personal space wasn't enough, now he wants to steal my cup?

"Grabbing a cup?" He retorts in a menacing tone, sending a glare back. 

I look at him, watching him fill his stolen cup with water, before he looks at me again. 

"What?"

"Can you move?" I ask through gritted teeth, motioning to him how he's basically entrapping me in between the counter and himself. 

He looks at me for a second as if to provoke me more, finally stepping away when I sigh. 

I scoff, rolling my eyes and extend my arm to grab another cup apart from the one I already had. 

I give him another nasty look, before filling both cups up and finally leaving his vicinity. 

"Don't spill it on anyone." He says, mocking tone clear as day. 

I turn again, fighting the urge to throw the precious orange juice into his annoying face before sighing and walking away. 

"Hope he chokes on his water." I mutter, finally putting the two cups down on the table, in front of Lina. 

"What was that back there? Another one of your tantrums?"

"No, his tantrum after he couldn't grab another cup, other than the one my hand was already on."

She chuckles, and I send her a slight glare, trying to delve back into my essay. 

I was maybe halfway through already, having to hand it in next week. I might have procrastinated a little, but one thing about me was that I'll always get it done on time. No matter what. 

Though, as I keep reading the word vomit I had written, I feel a wave of annoyance flow through me. I grunt, putting my face flat on the table. 

Two more years, then I could finally do my specialization. Two more years. 

"What's gotten into her?" I hear, recognizing Luis' voice. Then I hear a shift of the chair across from me as he sits down with- probably a tray of food. 

"Essay." I hear Lina mumble, a hum coming from Luis in acknowledgment.

"Are you still not done with that essay? You got it assigned like three weeks ago." He says in a nagging tone. 

I groan, remembering that I said that I wouldn't procrastinate this school year. Past me definitely hated the present me, and for sure hated future me even more if I kept this up. 

I raise my head, huffing before sitting up straight.  I blink a couple times to clear my vision and start to vigorously type again. 

"Have you guys seen the final edit for tomorrow's match?" Luis says, covering his full mouth with his hand. 

"No, who approved it?" I ask confused, glancing at the both of them and returning my gaze to my screen.

"Valeria did." He says. I look at him for a moment, scrunching my eyebrows together. 

"Not surprised." I mutter, taking a sip of my coffee. 

"Speaking of the devil." Lina says, and my eyes immediately dart around the room to find the devil in question. 

She's staring right at our table, making a beeline towards us as the clicks of her heels get louder and louder. 

Please don't sit here. 

She gives us a painfully fake smile, swinging the iPad in her hand back and forth. 

"Have you guys seen the edit I approved?"

Not even a hello?

"No, we haven't." Lina answers, and I stare at Valeria as she unfortunately sits across from me. 

She chuckles, practically shoving the IPad in our faces, showing off the edit. 

"It's perfect, isn't it?" She chuckles again, and I fight the urge to cover my ears instead of hearing her ear deafening, high-pitched laughter. 

"It's alright." I say, giving her a smile. My opinion really didn't matter to her anyway, the least I could do was pretend to like it. 

She nods, suddenly looking directly at me, glancing down at my laptop. 

"Still working on school? Can't even think of how someone like you can balance it with this busy job." She says, smile pulling at her lips. 

I raise my brows, looking at Lina and Luis for confirmation of what I had just heard her say. 

They give me the same 'what the fuck' look, and I look back at Valeria, giving her a fake smile. 

"I'm sure you couldn't think of it, Valeria." I say, keeping my retort minimal, I had to keep it professional, unlike her. 

She looks at me, no words are exchanged further as an almost minute long silence follows. 

She finally decides to leave after, sending both Luis and Lina a wave, doing her best to ignore me further. 

"She's so weird. Always on my ass about something." I mutter, starting to type again. 

"Don't think she's gotten over the fact that you were chosen to travel with the team this season." Lina says, patting my shoulder. 

"Well, too bad for her. Like I've got time for her petty conversations."

If I was being honest; I couldn't stand being within five meters of her. And with the amount of meetings we had together, made life a little more difficult than I would've liked. 

"Besides, you're coming with me. Why isn't she on your ass as well?" I ask Luis, seeing him shrug. 

"Because I'm handsome?" He smirks, starting to flex his arms. 

"She's annoying, but she doesn't have a vision problem." I hear Lina say, the both of us bursting out in laughter. Luis looking at us with the most defeated look ever, making us laugh even louder.

"Okay, alright, sorry. You're very handsome, we're just having a little fun. I promise." I say patting his hand, holding back more laughter as I dab away moisture from my eyes. 

I finish typing my current chapter after calming down, observing the text, and double saving the document before turning my laptop off. I look around for a second, seeing the players and staff chat and laugh together. The buzzing of my phone redirecting my attention back to our table. 

"y/n- your phone." Lina says, grabbing it to hand it to me. 

I grab it after thanking her, reading the caller ID. 

"Oh, it's my dad." I mutter. "I'll be back in a minute." I say, standing up to walk out of the cafeteria. I look around for a moment, then slide my finger to the right to pick up the call. 

"Dad?"

"y/n, how's work going?" He says, the sound of a paper shredder in the background almost sabotaging my understanding of his sentence. 

"Good, we're having lunch. How about you?" I reply, leaning against the wall. 

"Same old. I called to tell you- I'm not having dinner at home tonight. Ask Carmen to make something you want to eat." 

I hold back a sigh, closing my eyes in annoyance. He'd been working a lot since I was little, day and night. It had paid off very well. We had a big house and a beautiful backyard. He owned a law firm, in a nice area of the city and had a lot of clients.

His firm was also the legal representative of the club, being very close with President Pérez and manager Ancelotti themselves and other higher ups. 

Of course, I was still thankful, I never had to worry about necessities like food and clothes, they were always provided for me on a silver spoon. 

"Alright dad. See you tonight, love you." 

I hang up, shoving my phone into my back pocket, and walk back into the cafeteria.

"I'm going back to the office." I tell Lina and Luis, them looking up at me in concern. 

"Why? Did something happen?" Luis asks, fixing his dark, curly hair.  

"No, I just want to make sure everything is perfect for tomorrow." I force a smile, trying to cover up the fact that my mood was definitely ruined after that phone call. 

I grab my laptop, holding it in between my arm and chest as I start making my way out of the cafeteria. 

Not before I'm stopped by someone calling out to me. 

"y/n!" I hear, looking up and seeing Vini call me over, Rodrygo and sadly, Jude standing next to him. 

How did this communication even work?

I raise a brow, walking over to them. 

"What's with that face? Trouble with your boyfriend?" Vini says in Spanish, greeting me with a hug. 

"It's nothing like that! It was just my dad." I deny, laughing at him. My smile totally disappearing from my face when I make accidental eye contact with an irritated looking Jude next to Vini.

"Right, how's your dad? He hasn't been around lately." Rodrygo asks, greeting me as well. 

"Busy- you know how he is..." I reply, swatting my hand. "I'll try to convince him to visit." I smile. 

"Will you be coming with us to tomorrow's match?" Vini asks. 

"Oh yeah, I'll be joining you on all the matches this season. You guys got lucky this time." I joke, giving him a little wink. 

The two Brazilian men laugh, Vini patting my shoulder as I excuse myself to go up. 

I twist the key in the door lock, opening the front door to my house. The smell of spices and sauces filling up my nostrils. I scramble to take my shoes off, throwing my bag onto the floor and making a beeline to the kitchen area. 

"Aunty Carmen!" I exclaim, hugging her tightly. 

"Oh my girl!" She coos, squeezing me even tighter. 

"I missed you so much." I say, planting a kiss on her soft cheek, letting go of her. 

"Me too. Come on, get cleaned up and we'll have dinner." She says warmly, going back to stirring the food. 

Aunty Carmen was the lady who had been cooking for me and my dad since I was a child. Her food was finger-licking good, and I don't think I could ever survive without it. 

She'd partially raised me, alongside my biological aunt, whom I lived in the UK with for a couple of years. 

I had begged my dad to not send me to a boarding school, so he'd decided to send me off to live with my aunt, and made me attend an international school instead. A place, consisting of cultures and languages I always craved to be surrounded with becoming my second home. 

"When is your dad coming?"

"Oh no, my dad isn't coming for dinner." I explain, pulling out two spoons and two forks out of the cabinet and walking over to the dinner table. 

"He wasn't home last time either, why?"

"Too busy. You know how he is." I mumble, filling her glass with water. 

"I'm sorry, my girl." 

"It's fine- I'm used to it by now. You're here tonight at least." I beam, starting to dig into the food. 

"Aunty, you never disappoint!" I exclaim, shoving another spoonful of food into my mouth.

"Slow down! It's not going to run away from you." She fusses, taking a bite of the food herself. 

A comfortable silence falls in between us, the sound of our utensils clattering against the plates and bowls accompanied by the occasional comment about the taste of the food. 

I join her in cleaning up the table, placing the rinsed dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and putting  the leftovers into the fridge. 

"If you look closely, you can see the food I made for the rest of the week. Make sure you close the lids well, so it can stay fresh." She says, drying her wet hands on a kitchen towel. 

"Thank you." I say, giving her another hug. 

"Oh, you're leaving already?" I ask, watching her grab her handbag. It was a pretty brown bag, a birthday present from me a couple years ago. 

"I do sweetie. Take care of yourself." She says, pulling me into a hug. 

"-and lock your doors, don't open them for anyone." 

"You know I'm not a child anymore. I'm twenty already! Besides, we have security cameras everywhere." I complain, folding my arms up to my chest. 

"You've grown up too fast." She says, pinching the fat of my cheek, making me whine at the pain. 

I sigh, a little sad as she opens the front door and walks out. I wave one more time, closing the door behind her and locking it as she had instructed. 

My dad had keys to get in when I went to bed anyway. 

I decide to get ready for bed, turning on the now full dishwasher, and going up to my room. Hoping everything will go smoothly as planned tomorrow.

[luvrodite]

THINGS WE LEFT UNSAID JASON TODD

↳ patching him up and all that passes, unsaid

This is an old song and dance, you know it well.

The creak of your living room window draws you from your dreams, sleep bursting like a bubble with the first rattle of the windowpane. You are asleep, and then you are not, so swiftly carried between realms you can barely register it. You lie in bed, staring through bleary eyes at the ceiling as the sounds of your monthly late night visitor filters through the walls. 

A muffled thud of boots knocking against the window sill. There’ll be dirt there in the morning, a size 13 boot print that’ll return a month after you wipe it away. Glass rattles, and you know he’s hit his shoulder–clumsy, tonight, but there’s no shatter. It’s bad, but you’ve borne worse.

A grumble of your name is your cue, and you slip from the sheets. Summer air filters in through the open window when you enter, a thick, stifling heat that clouds around your skin, smoke and rain and chemical scented. 

You reach for the first aid kit, kept on a side table in the hallway, and move to close the window first. The lump on your couch breathes through his mouth in shallow pants, almost drowned out by the sound of traffic below–even after midnight, this part of the city is loathe to rest, high pitched laughter and squeals of amusement raising up above the fog. 

“Did I wake you?”

You shrug, taking a seat on the coffee table. Jason’s knee brushes against yours, and you ignore it in favour of setting the kit by your side. 

“It’s fine. Shirt off, please.”

On good nights, he meets you with a poorly delivered “Buy me dinner, first.” Tonight, he’s silent, and you can feel your chest tighten when he grimaces trying to lift his arm. There’s a dark liquid seeping through the fabric and you can smell the gunmetal on him.

You’ve borne worse. 

He’s been in worse shape.

But still your eyes grow hot when you lean to assist him and the smell of copper settles on your tongue. There is so much red, smeared along the curve of his bicep, and your hands shake when you reach for the cloth tucked in the kit, standing to wet it in the sink. Your legs feel weak beneath you, a constant threat to give under you with every step between the couch and the sink.

The towel is no longer as it had been when you’d first bought it, alabaster replaced by an off white from the frequent washes. A speck of brown from where you could never quite get the blood to wash off remains on its care tag, staining the black lettering. 

The wound has mostly stopped bleeding, you figure out once you look past all the blood, but you hold it there anyway, taking your seat on the edge of the table once more. Your eyes follow the slow way it stains, red seeping into the fabric in a slow diffusion. 

“You hurt anywhere else?” your voice is raspy, and you don’t meet his eyes when you ask. 

“Just a few scrapes,” he rumbles. His fingers twitch in your peripheral vision, tapping against his thigh anxiously. “Pretty much healed already.”

You nod, biting your tongue as you lift the cloth. 

“This should be fine, soon,” you manage to string together, adding an unsure, “I think. Could be worse.”

He breathes out a tired sigh. “Lucky I’ve got you to stitch me up.”

You don’t know what it is, only that one moment you’re dabbing away the blood and the next you’re snapping at him. Maybe it’s something in his tone, weary and yet still teasing–does he not understand the gravity of the situation? Your fingers are stained with his blood. 

“I wouldn’t have to if you’d just stop being so reckless,” you snap, and he stills under you when you meet his eyes, angry heat flooding your face as everything you’ve kept under a lid comes rushing to the surface. 

“Would it kill you to take a second to think before you act?” you ream him out as you reach for the ointment. “This isn’t a joke you know?”

You know it’s over when your breath stutters, a hitch in the quiet of your apartment that sounds too loud to your ears for your liking, too much like a sob. Jason stays silent, and you find yourself loathing the look in his eyes, teal softened around the edges, bearing the brunt of your anger. 

The both of you are aware this isn’t a result of carelessness. Jason hasn’t been reckless in years–his anger is a cold, calculated thing, burning low and steady but never uncontrolled. You wish you were so measured.

You can’t stop yourself from bleeding out alongside him, words like knives thrown from your lips as you grow more and more worked up. Your eyes burn, your hands shake, the bandage trembling between your fingers as you wrap it around his arm. 

He doesn’t say a word through it all, only watching you with eyes too knowing, fingertips a whisper away from your bare knees but never touching. You don’t know what you’d do if he did. 

When the last of it is done and all that’s left is the bloody cloth on your coffee table, you swallow down the words you’ve left unsaid and nod at him. 

“Couch is yours, if you want it,” you offer hoarsely, standing. You don’t look at him as you return the kit to its rightful place, shame-faced and retreating. You’ve no bravery tonight, having shown too much of your hand.

“Yeah,” he sighs out. 

The click of your bedroom door feels like the turn of a key, something of a mountainous wall erected between you and your living room. 

In the morning all there’s left of him is the blood in your rug, two drops by the leg of your coffee table. You know they’ll be there when he returns again, just another mark he’s left behind that you won’t be able to remove.

i don't know. this popped into my head and i was just thinking about how hard it would be to have this relationship with him knowing the both of you can't ever be together but neither of you are willing to save yourselves the pain that comes with being in contact. just. all the things that you can never say

[thinplacesradio]

stacked sound equipment and a radio with glowing green numbers. the image is distorted by VCR static. white text reads:

[026] THE SEEKER... A CALLER WAITS. THE SEEKER HEARS A VOICE ON THE RADIO.

listen here, or anywhere you find your podcasts. transcript under the cut:

[static, radio tuning]

[traveling sales rep: don’t touch that dial! We’ll be right b-]

[a high-register voice, not the Host’s:]

Car radio, yet again. Fixed, for now. It’s from a 2005 Honda CR-V, which I know is old, but, as you know, it’s been acting up for months now, um, and it finally just gave out on me. I don’t even know what worked to resurrect it here, but, well. [tools moving] The mystery of life, I guess. I’m sure it’ll start jumping stations again any day now.

[beep]

I could use a distraction so we are back to the transmitter. I’m building it from scratch instead of from a kit, uh, which basically means I’m just buying the parts that would have been in the kit separately, so I don’t really know if I’m saving money here or losing it. [tools clink] It’s pretty much kid stuff, but hey. It’s nice to go back to the basics sometimes, I guess. I think just to make it interesting I might take one of the old desktops to see if I can link it to some visuals? With different colors representing, I dunno, different letters, maybe? Maybe… make it so the words will show up as you tap the code in? Or I could just leave it with the binary, do kind of a black and white thing. I don’t know. [sigh] I don’t know.

[beep]

[phone ringing] [voicemail]

Hey, it’s me, you know what to do!

[beep]

[phone ringing] [voicemail]

Hey, it’s me, you –

[beep]

No one knows where she is, why does nobody know where she is. I - I think there’s something wrong.

[beep]

[phone ringing]

We’re sorry. You have reached a number that has been disconnected, or is no longer in service. To -

[beep]

I didn’t quit my job today. This isn’t really a project log, but I almost quit my job today, and I didn’t, and I, I think that deserves to be noted down, somewhere. I love what I do. But - doing it doesn’t seem as important anymore when I could be looking for her. I know I haven’t found a single thing, but that’s no reason to stop. I - [sigh]

I don’t know why I’m talking around it like this. Someone that matters to me is gone, and no one knows what happened, or why, or if - 

I wish she was just ghosting me, specifically. Like, that’s not something I want, at all, but I would take it if it meant that she was safe, living her life somewhere else. [sigh]

I don’t. I don’t think she’s dead. I really hope she isn’t dead. Sometimes I’d be at work glancing at the chat and there would be no new messages. Or at home with my phone on the table building myself a new desktop, and there would be no new messages. But I could still feel her on the other side, connected to me with that, I don’t know, electronic tether. Even when she wasn’t there, it helped knowing that she was somewhere.

That’s how it feels, still. I think she’s somewhere. I just don’t know where.

[voicemail]

Hiiiii, iris! Hi-riss! That’s nothing, sorry.  I texted you but I guess you must’ve lost track of time? I’ll just scale the building here and crawl in the IT window - you guys have windows, right? I feel like I imagine you in like a scifi basement most of the time. Anyway. I’m here, I’ll see you soon. Get down here before I bribe the security guard to let me in. I... yeah. See ya. I’ll be here.

[beep]

[morse code beeping] 

T-E-S-T. S-O-S. [pause] Where… are… you? 

Stupid, Iris. Just, stupid.

[beep] [equipment rustling, clinking, scraping]

It was, um, same company, different cities. I called her on the phone before I ported in to fix her computer, and she was – warm? Tired. Not exactly funny, but trying to make me laugh. I didn’t, but I thought about it, just to see if she’d laugh back? She messaged me on the company chat after, to thank me, and sent me a link to an article we’d been talking about while I worked on her desktop. I don’t remember what it was about even though it feels like I should. There are a lot of things I’m already forgetting. But I messaged back, and then we didn’t stop messaging. Until eight months ago.

I always want to know more about everything. Too much, probably. I can never stop digging. But she was the only one who really wanted to know more about… me.

I’m glad I got to meet her, but - I was supposed to keep meeting her - I - 

[beep]

[morse code beeping]

Don’t… be… dead.

[beep] [equipment moving aggressively]

Rob told me today that if I’m not going to go out for drinks with them after work anymore my only hobby can’t be looking for someone who’s been missing for a year. Really kind of insensitive, honestly. [huff] But I have been reading too many police reports, so today I will be starting a new project altogether.

[beep]

It’s the car radio, again, always the car radio. I should just buy a new one at this point, but then I’d never find out what was wrong with this one. Alright, okay, we’re trying scanning again, here we go.

[channels scan] [we hear the Sales Rep, and then the Host, cutting in and out:]

- Thank you for - feel - on - as always, our number is 71–

[Iris scrambles to stop the station but misses it. She tries tuning it back.]

Wait, wait wait wait wait. W-wait wait wait. 102 point 1. Oh my god. Oh my God. Wait. Hold on. 102 point - Wait, come back. Come back. 

I don’t – I don’t understand – [the road prov-] that’s Ha -

[beep] [keyboard clacking] 

I’m not the only person who’s heard her. There are people on subreddits talking about catching a radio call-in show on one frequency, exactly when they needed to hear it, but then not finding it again when they look for it, but just - How do I not need to hear it?

Here’s what I know about “the Host,” from what they know about the Host. Um, she’s always moving somewhere. She cares about her listeners. She’s experiencing impossible things, and so are the people calling in. And there’s a number.

Here’s what I know about my friend. She listened. She hated her job and always wanted a longer break. She loves pigeons and thinks that if aliens exist they’re single celled and acidophilic. She misses her mom. She was always reaching out for something. She was my friend.

[frantic music begins]

I know her voice, even if I haven’t heard it again. I know it was her, and I know I’m going to hear it again. I’m going to find the station. I’m going to find her.

[static] [Traveling Sales Rep: visit us at the - diner just off -] [Various Garbled Voices: the - road - provides - the - road - provides -]

Thin Places Radio is a podcast written by Kristen O’Neal and produced by Kaitlin Bruder. 

The voice of Iris is Kaitlin Bruder. 

The voice of H[static] is Kristen O’Neal. 

Editing and sound design are by Kaitlin Bruder, and the music track you heard in tonight’s episode is: Junoon by RANA. If you have a question to ask, a story to tell, or a suggestion for the host, give us a call at ‪(717) 382-8093. The lines are always open.

[Junoon plays]

[farplxms]

Noelle walks into the kitchen, acting nervous and giddy all at the same time. Kit eyes her up and down, new hair? No. New shirt? Not that either. He gives his full attention to her and turns his body towards hers. "What's up? Why do you seem so gleeful." Kit places his hands on his hips and studies her. Catching the way her arms are placed behind her back. "And what are you hiding behind your back?" Noelle chews the inside of her gums and shuffles around a bit. "Well, I know we haven't really talked much about.. certain things yet. We just got this new house which is huge for us, we got married. We're both working full-time jobs, but.." Noelle blows a raspberry and gives Kit full view of what she's been hiding behind her back. "I think we can add a little addition to our home, right?" Kits eyes go wide as her takes in the white and blue piece of plastic. Inside the window in tiny letters is the word POSITIVE. He palms it for a moment, lost for words. "Noel-" She cuts him off, "I know its a lot right now, we have a lot on our plates. But Kit, I want this. I want a little me or you running around our home making it a mess and making mud pies in the backyard. I wouldn't want this with just anyone, I want it with you." Noelle takes a deep breath. Kit just chuckles a bit and smiles at her. "Well, if you'd give me a chance to speak, my love. I was trying to say that, lets do it. Sure its unexpected, but that's just life. Life gives you lemons, make a baby." Noelle wiggles her brows at him and huffs out a laugh. "Did you just compare our baby to a lemon?" Kit moves down onto his knees and places his hands on each side of her belly. "Yes, I mean its still pretty small yet right? Don't they become the size of a lemon at some point?" Noelle shakes her head and cradles his. Running her fingers through his hair. "I'm not sure how far along I am yet, I just had a feeling that something was off. I've been super queasy, overly tired and craving pickles." He looks up at Noelle and grins, "So, I'm going to be a dad, hey?" She nods. Kit leans closer to her belly and speaks "Hear that lemon, I'm going to be your dad. And this sweet woman is your mama." - "Kit stop calling it a lemon!" Noelle whines and Kit just grins at her.

[dustedmagazine]

Listed: Nightshift

Nightshift, from Glasgow, occupies the softer, dreamier end of the post-punk spectrum. The debut full-length, Zöe, got our attention in 2021 with its tight, pinging chords and airy ethereality. Jennifer Kelly wrote, “It is hardly a punk album at all on some levels, and yet it also is, just gauzier and more inferential.” The band has since expanded to a four-piece and produced a second album, Homosapien, which we liked as well, noting “a crisper, more rock-band-ish iteration of Nightshift’s dreamy, surreal punk.” Here the band members (Andrew Doig, Rob Alexander, Eothen Stearn and Chris White) describe some of their favorite things in music, books and film.

Andrew Doig

Bedmaker — S​/​t

My music choice is Bedmaker’s debut album on Dischord Records featuring the legendary Amanda MacKaye on vocals, some agitated and tight post punk with a classic Washington DC flavor.

Jeff Noon — Vurt

I have chosen the book Vurt by Jeff Noon cuz I love this Manchester influenced cyberpunk weirdness, it’s a refreshing northern England style take on Neuromancer type vibes.

Rob Alexander

Lily Paine — Between Silence and Speech

Between Silence and Speech is a brilliant and inspiring book of poetry and illustrations by Glasgow artist Lily Paine; I read it most days. There’s a really good film on YouTube (LILY - a medical documentary) by a medical student called Will Nutter about this artist.

L — Marilyn Monroe — All of Us

The debut album from Glasgow band L on Radical Documents is a jaw-dropping, mind-melted magic poetry rock virtuosos’ trip. They’ve got Jack Mellin, a legendary guitarist from Glasgow who has been part of the Nightshift at some point too.

R.Aggs

Our great friend Ray (R.Aggs) who contributed fiddle to Homosapien, fronts some amazing bands, Sacred Paws, Trash Kit and Shopping, and has two amazing solo records out that are uniquely uplifting and beautiful, each with banger following banger. I didn’t sleep well last night and woke up thinking that I didn’t like music anymore; listening to this has brought me back to life!

Eothen Stearn

Kai Cheng Thom — Falling Back in Love with Being Human

This book was recommended to me by a colleague who runs the anti-racist library at Woodlands Community. I had been discussing feelings of being overwhelmed and a desire to reconnect with the world, and she suggested this book. It’s an amazing collection, a mixture of short excerpts and vignettes, each accompanied by a small invitation. For instance, one might invite you to visit a place you’ve never been, or to write a letter to yourself. These invitations are often inward-facing, but some are like spells, encouraging reconnection with the world and finding small joys.

The author, a sex worker and trans woman, writes from a decolonizing perspective. The book is not just a series of stories; it’s interactive, with each short piece followed by an invitation, creating a rhythm almost like a metronome. I read it while on holiday, and it came at a perfect time. I’m grateful for its existence.

Grave Goods — Tuesday Nothing Exists

Manchester and Dublin power duo who take you on a journey. I’m really inspired by the sound and rhythms of the Grave Goods album. The lyrics are great, with a spoken word element and excellent timing. The music feels raw and exciting.

Robyn Rocket — Love EP

Some of you might be familiar with Robyn Rocket. Robyn, an instrumentalist who plays the trumpet, is a pioneer for neurodiverse musicians, being neurodiverse herself. She has been featured in The Wire magazine and is actively working to make spaces more accessible for neurodiverse individuals. Robyn is heavily involved with Heart n Soul in London, an amazing charity, and she also programs her night, Robyn Rocket, at Cafe OTO. She plays in various projects, including Dean Rodney Jr. and the Cowboys.

I love her collaborative approach, and her latest record features contributions from many people. Her work has a cosmic quality, both in her music and her illustrations. I’m thrilled that she’s receiving the recognition she deserves.

Chris White

Rob Churm — The Stone Tape — Posters 2001 – 2023

Rob Churm’s poster book is a great look at some of his art, featuring bands and venues from the past 20 years in Glasgow. It name-checks many of the venues and musicians I’ve seen since moving here in 2005 and features numerous previous bands that Nightshift members and contributors have been involved in. It’s a great one to look through, and the markings and colors look amazing. It also includes the first Nightshift gig poster, which has us on the bill with my next recommendation.

Alfred Bellman — Congregate

This is, for me, the sound and vibe of our last shared studio space, where Nightshift recorded most of our releases so far. For years, I’d show up at the door and hear this guy blasting out space-age psych jazz fusion — drones, drums, hymn-like verses, raps, and basslines. His first cassette album was put out by Doig on his Cusp label, the same label as our first Nightshift tape. This new one was put up on Bandcamp at the end of last year. He’s a multi-instrumentalist who plays trombone on our new album and drums in Rob’s other band, Radio Banter. His music is great and deserves more listeners, I reckon. Check it out!

[jinxyvvrites]

└ before you request┐

└ fandoms/characters i’m willing to write for ┐

( Fun fact.. The ones bolded/italicized and in pink are the ones I love and/or am dying to write for. If they’re not on this list at all, I’m not writing for them currently.)

♤ American Horror Story

– Tate Langdon, Kit Walker, Kyle Spencer, Jimmy Darling, Dandy Mott, Xavier Plympton, Bobby Richter II, Michael Langdon.

♤ Criminal Minds

– Dr. Spencer Reed, Derek Morgan

♤ CSI Miami + Vegas

– Eric Delko, Tim Speedle, Ryan Wolfe, Greg Sanders

♤ Fargo

– Gator Tillman

♤ Marvel

– Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Pietro Maximoff, Eddie Brock

♤ Outer Banks

– JJ Maybank, John B, Topper Thornton, Rafe Cameron

♤ Punisher

– Frank Castle, Billy Russo

♤ Pro Wrestling

– Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose/Jon Moxley, Adam Page, Drew McIntyre, Jay White, Jeff Hardy

♤ Shameless

– Lip Gallagher

♤ Sons of Anarchy

– Jax Teller, Opie Winston, Juice Ortiz

♤ Supernatural

– Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester

♤ Stranger Things

–Argyle, Billy Hargrove, Eddie Munson, Gareth, Jonathan Byers, Steve Harrington

♤ The Walking Dead

– Daryl Dixon, Negan, Shane Walsh

└ read before requesting ┐

♤ Minors DNI. It’s nothing against you guys personally but like… I’m too old. Again, no offense. If you want to read filth, that’s on you. But if you’re gonna request it, do that shit elsewhere.

♤ I choose to refuse what to write. My hard-passes are as follows: incest and crazy huge age gaps. Requests that contain these topics - or ones that just don't pull at my muse or make me feel I'm capable of pulling off will be deleted.

♤ I write on my own timetable and my own terms. My life offline always comes first, so if patience isn’t your thing, you’ve been warned. Sometimes I’m just too busy or too damn tired to get anything out. Don’t rush me, please and thanks.

♤ I write the characters in the way I imagine them to be. If this is something you’re picky about, I need you to know that what you get may not be what you want.

♤ Don’t be rude. Don’t rush me, complain about how long it’s taking / what I wrote or come into my ask box demanding I write something. I’m way less inclined to write whatever you’re asking for if you come off as rude or entitled. Please and thanks go a long way. So do basic manners.

└ types of requests i’m open to doing ┐

♤ sweet, sappy and spicy alphabets.

♤ spicy and not so spicy headcanons.

♤ short lil blurbs based on prompts you send / dialogue 

Be specific when you’re requesting headcanons or a lil blurb, please and thanks? It’ll make my life and yours so much easier if you’re detailed af when you ask for something. I’m down to write anything you send me to work with -within reason, ofc, but vague asks aren’t gonna grab my attention or my muse.

In the case of sweet, sappy and spicy alphabets, I’m currently only taking one character per ask, up to five letters at a time. 

My anon isn’t on. I realize some of you are probably too shy to ask on your actual account or may not have one to begin with but this is to save me the hassle of not having a person to tag once I’ve written the request. 

[olderjodijournals]

Saturday, January 1, 2005

How glad I am to see the New Year has arrived! I’m amazed at just how relieved I am that it’s finally here. I don’t know if this year will cure our problems, but again, it can’t be as bad as last year was. Except for my birthday and the first time we did the Maricopa swap meet, I can’t think of one good day in 2004! At least Tom didn’t get laid off. Also, it would only cost a fortune to sign me on for insurance, not just him.

I took a shower a while ago and was surprised to find mom and daughter’s place pitch dark when I went to crack the window to let the steam out.

I slept well because I had both the fan and sound machine going. Shortly after I got up, though, I heard a few firecrackers.

If all goes well, we should have 120 days left here and 17 more Sundays for Bev to possibly go banging on.

Because I slept through the time when the annual “psychic window” is normally wide open, I didn’t get much. Just this:

1.              There could be something wrong with one of the back tires on the truck.

2.              We may climb out of debt sometime in March, though we’ll still be broke and probably will be 90% of the time throughout our lives.

3.              Miss Perfect may develop a mild case of cancer at the end of the year or early next year.

4.              Tom’s next job will be in a much bigger building and it may also be computer-related and pay $8.50 an hour.

5.              I may win a medal for Scuttle’s picture.

6.              In an unknown state, we’ll rent a small 2-bedroom house with small rooms and no evil 4s in its numbers. (hopefully in May!)

7.              The house was built in the 50s or 60s, probably late 50s and has white and red exterior colors.

8.              We’ll rent the house till the queen dies in early 2009, leaving us 20 grand to buy a 1600-square-foot manufactured house and Kaori.

The RealDoll people sent me a catalog which I got yesterday. I’ll send it to Paula so she can see what they’re like.

I was shocked to read that a new California law is going to give gay couples benefits and a lot of the same rights straight married couples have. I was shocked because so many people seem to hate gays.

With the Fred Meyer gift certificate, Tom got a new ink refill kit to give our printers at least black ink. That way I can print letters to Bob and Paula, and if he wants to print any résumés for any potential new jobs, he can.

He also got a new wire for my music computer to stop that one channel from going in and out like it started to back down in Arizona.

Later…

Tom just got up and informed me that Bev blasted her music for an hour last night. He said it was annoying enough to be heard in the living room, but that I probably wouldn’t have heard it in the bedroom.

Yeah, I’m not surprised. She’ll probably do it more and more often too, till I complain again. You gotta keep on people to keep them quiet, just like how we had to send periodic city letters to remind the freeloaders to shut up. Tom thinks she only did this because it was New Year’s Eve, but I know human nature when it comes to these kinds of things. You complain, they’re quiet for a while. Then they start acting up again after a while. You complain again, they’re quiet for a while again, and so on and so forth. I swear, though, if I hear any music coming from over there, I’m going to blast my own music for a good hour or two each day that I’m up while he’s at work. If she says anything to me, I’ll just tell her, well, you went back to blasting your own music, so I didn’t think it’d bother you. You want me to stop, YOU stop. However, I’m not going back to the old bullshit of submitting periodic complaints that don’t do me much good. In fact, I’ll be damned if I’ll play that game again.

Like with all the neighbors I’ve had over the past 12 years, I just wish she’d go somewhere for a change! She’s home more than I am. Same with on the other side.

Tom said there were lots of firecrackers going off at midnight. I’m surprised I slept through it all.

Still, I hate being sent back in time like this and having to deal with the neighbor stress all over again!!! I’m going to be so pissed if we can’t get out of here in May!

Later…

Tom and I just discussed a bright idea he came up with that’ll pretty much guarantee our May escape. It really takes a lot of stress off me, too! It doesn’t stop me from stressing over what people around here may do for the next 120 days, but at least I no longer have to worry and wonder if we’ll make it out of here or not.

Tom said I may be inconvenienced because I’ll have to go without Webshots and DVD rentals for a while, and I was like, that’s what you call an inconvenience? Spending 180 days in jail; that’s being inconvenienced. I can always get whatever pictures and DVDs I missed later on. The only thing is that we may have to send Bob a money order for the incense if he can’t get the money for it. I’m sure there will be some sort of problem and delay with it. You know I can’t ever just get something. They know me, though, so I’m sure we can get around whatever problems may arise.

The number one thing, as we both agree, is getting out of here and into a house we can comfortably live in for a few years. If it has to still be in Oregon, oh well. Eureka will wait for us. Whether it ends up being somewhere in Oregon or Redding, California, we’re all for staying in the colder climates till we go to a retirement community. Outdoors, the colder climates just aren’t as noisy as the warmer ones are. The climate doesn’t matter in a retirement community because there would never be any freeloading assholes there to destroy everyone’s peace.

I just hope this is the year we can finally stop starting over! I’m sooo sick of building up just to be torn down and set back, having to give up this, give up that. We didn’t come here for this shit!

I told Tom that while I don’t vibe any upcoming problems with Bev that are any more serious than the annoyances we’ve already had on account of her, we both know it’s better to be safe than sorry, so I think that the next time he sees Pam that he should mention that she’s been noisy. I think he should do it in a casual way and not a complaining way, and make a point of stressing that it hasn’t been that often (unless things change between now and then) and that she’s a nice lady. This way, if there is any trouble ahead that I’m not seeing, they’ll already know she’s been noisy in the past. It just may help us in the end cuz you never do know. They say it’s best to have things documented or at least mentioned and remember, I picked up a noise curse in ’92 and we’re not dealing with a full deck of cards here. She’s not on permanent disability for being fat and ugly. I understand that music and banging go hand in hand with being attached to someone else, but if it does escalate, Pam won’t be so surprised to hear about it if she already knows she gets noisy. What I’m not going to do, however, is go back to the periodic complaints to the source’s face that don’t do me much good, but maybe give me only temporary peace. Instead, if it does escalate I just won’t worry about my own music and noise for the next 119 days. Still, no matter what she has in store for us, I think it’s best to get it mentioned, though I don’t know if he’ll want to. He may be afraid to do so for whatever paranoid reason he may have, and again, he’s always been hesitant to speak out against a neighbor. He’s an Arizonan, and as I learned the hard way, you don’t do that. But this is Oregon, so I hope he will bring it up.

I realized that her working a regular job may not keep her from any future banging sprees or concerts. This is because she only does this in the evenings or on weekends. Working second shift would eliminate evening concerts unless she decided to bump those up to earlier hours, though we’d still have the weekends and those periodic Sunday banging sprees to have to listen to.

I already decided to make our final days here less than pleasant for her. I’m going to stick to my promise of giving what I get, and therefore, once we’ve given our notice and are safe from anything happening to us, she’ll have a few annoyances of her own to have to deal with.

Tuesday, January 4, 2005

Tom was up to $35 on the game site but had a losing streak last night that threw him down to $19. At least he’s still got some money left to try to build back up with.

Anyway, yesterday was a very hungry day for us both, though we achieved our 24-hour fasting goal. At the end of my day, I had a can of ravioli. I was so hungry that I didn’t think it’d make a difference, but it did. I felt quite a bit better, actually, so I decided to do this at least till Saturday when we plan to go out for blizzards at DQ and to Jan’s for a couple of bucks of incense since it could still be a while before I get my order. There’s going to be a 2-day delay as it is since I’m going to have to send them a money order unless they know and trust me enough to ship it first. I sent an email yesterday asking if they had any idea when my order would be shipped, but haven’t gotten a response yet. This isn’t like them, so I hope it’s only because they were overwhelmed with more mail to respond to after the holiday.

Yesterday I ended up having about 700 calories between the ravioli and coffee, and knocking a pound off of me. I usually fluctuate between 127-130 and am currently 128. If I could just get my weight down, then I could move on to the next problem; how to keep it down. Well, I’m going to at least try to hold out again today till the late afternoon. Then I’ll stuff myself with a few baked potatoes, so at least I have that to look forward to. The 3 small meals and 3 small snacks did nothing to fill me up, leaving me always hungry. I did 3 half-hour workouts, but that was too hard on my knees so I think I’ll do just 1-2 today and try to keep busy with my writing, singing and reading, then hopefully we’ll get some DVDs today. Two were due yesterday and one’s due today. This next month will be our last month of DVDs and Webshots. Anything to keep my mind off my growling, protesting stomach!

Posted by Jodi at 9:05 PM No comments:   

Email ThisBlogThis!Share to XShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest

Monday, January 3, 2005

Well, we got through a peaceful weekend without any shit from Bev or anyone else. All we hear during the daytime is a bunch of birds in back eating seeds from old rotten apples that have fallen off the trees.

We were talking about how fasting for one day every now and then is actually a healthy thing because it gives your digestive tract a break. So we decided to both give it a try today to save money. For someone who’s always hungry, I’m doing okay, but I’m only 6 hours into my day. The closer I get to the end of my day, the harder it gets.

Tom sent a letter to Miss Perfect letting her know we’re broke and won’t be able to write for a while, and I was like, why would you waste a 37¢ stamp on the bitch? She and the queen couldn’t care less. He said he thought I wanted them to feel guilty. First of all, they don’t. Secondly, I’d rather them send us a grand than feel anything, but since that’s not going to happen, I see no point in even communicating or acknowledging these selfish assholes. However, I didn’t think they’d send extra money for Christmas, even if it was a piddly amount, and it’s his family, so if he wants to keep things going with them, he’s entitled to do so. He said he played up our situation big time, not that it isn’t bad enough. I mean, hey, we are about a grand in debt, after all. I know beyond a doubt now that we’re not ever meant to have money, but the question is, are we destined to just not have much extra money? Or to struggle like this throughout the remainder of our lives? He thinks they’ll send us something, though I doubt it, even though I didn’t expect more than the usual for Christmas cash-wise. It’s not their problem so why should they care?

Wednesday, January 5, 2005

Here’s a quick update and then I’m going to take the day off to watch the 3 movies we got yesterday. Every writer needs a break, even me. I might not even work out today.

I was laughing at Tom because he’s still the same 216 pounds he was to begin with while I’m down to 127. Here’s where I doubt I’ll lose much more, though.

Yesterday was easier than the first day, and except for Saturday when we go out for treats, I plan to do this as often as I can where I go about 24 hours without eating, then I have a filling meal. It’s easier than having 6 small things to eat throughout the day because then I never get full. At least this way I have some satisfaction to look forward to at the end of my day.

I did some rearranging yesterday for a few reasons. For one, I didn’t want it to look too homey so I packed some more things. I want it to look like we’re moving on soon enough. I also made it so that Blondie can come in here, though I still have to supervise him because of all the wires. Lastly, it was something to do to take my mind off of food.

At around 3:00 yesterday, Beverly started in with the music, and I said to myself, no way. I don’t care how much time we’ve got left here. I’m not listening to her thumping bass anymore! So I went over there for what I promised myself would be one last time. I say one last time because if this doesn’t curb her bass, nothing will, and if it doesn’t, she’ll be hearing from MY bass. Then she’ll see that yes, it can be heard easily, and she should know this. After all, the hypocrite complained about the people who were here before us doing the exact same thing she is.

So anyway, I knocked on her back door and she seemed surprised to know I could hear her bass, though she said she’d turn it down and she did. I took this as an opportunity to ask what the banging was all about a few Sundays ago and she said it was her grandkids.

Damn, everything’s come back to haunt us! Everything but dogs so far. Everything we tried to run from is back – noisy kids, music, banging, people, bills, etc. There’s just no escaping them!

Anyway, she explained to me that she had her grandkids over to watch a DVD and you know how little kids can be, etc. Yes, I do know. That’s why I decided I was glad not to be able to have any.

In the end, I don’t think she’ll be any quieter (though she’s still just about the quietest neighbor I’ve ever had) and I can’t stop her from having her grandkids visit, so I’ll just have to live with whatever she gives me over the next 116 days, then she’ll be just a memory. I can see where blasting music in here and little kids running around would have driven her crazy and this is why I think she should know better. She’s just one of those who care only when she’s bothered and not when she’s doing the bothering, but we’ll see how things go. If she does act up, I’ll just give her a taste of her own medicine like I said before which is what she’s likely to get when we move. Most people do like to crank up their stereos, and most people, like the people who were here before us, don’t give a shit who they’re bothering. So if she’s here in May, she’ll more than likely be sorry we left.

I now strongly vibe that we won’t be going to the coast of Oregon. Also, last night I could swear I dreamt of Redding! Is this a sign? Tom says it’ll all depend on the job situation. If he can get a good-paying and secure job here, we’re not going to throw away a golden opportunity and throw away good money that we so desperately need. If he can’t get anything more than other minimum-wage jobs, then we’ll probably leave the area. My logic says we will leave the area too, because you usually have to slowly work your way up in a job and climb the ladder to the bigger pay. Most people don’t get good money to start off with.

Thursday, January 6, 2005

I decided to go 24 hours without eating two days in a row, then eat normally. So twice a week I’ll eat normally. I ate normally yesterday which bumped me back up a pound to 128. It’s just that to do it day after day is too hard.

I discovered another incense site that looks promising. Maybe even more promising than IG. There’s no minimum and shipping is free on orders over $100. They have over 1000 scents! Also, I have the option of getting just an ounce of oil for around 2-3 bucks if I want to try a particular scent. They have bags, though they don’t have rings. They also don’t have about 20 of my favorites, but that’s ok. They may be worth it with scents like Caramel Pecan, Candy Corn, Chocolate Chip, Cookies & Cream, Cookie Dough, Mochaccino, Pink Lace, etc. IG doesn’t have these scents. Speaking of them, I still haven’t heard from them which makes me think they’re blowing me off for some reason if something hasn’t come up to prevent them from getting my email.

Friday, January 7, 2005

We got a few inches of snow out there. The old man in the house across the street is now riding his little snowplow, plowing not only his driveway but the nearby sidewalks as well.

I’m still doing the diet where I don’t eat till the end of my day. I’m back to 127 pounds. That’s about as low as I usually go. If anything, this diet will save money and keep me from going over 130 pounds.

Next month I’m going to try a few of that new site’s 100-packs, but only a few. This is because if their incense sticks are bad, their oil is bad. If the oils are good, however, I’ll probably buy them by the pound rather than the ounce because then I’ll get more for my money.

Saturday, January 8, 2005

And now I’m 126 pounds. Yes, I just may’ve concocted a damn good diet here. The question is, if I did, how much do I want to lose right now? We don’t exactly have the money for me to get new clothes should I start falling out of the ones I’ve got. I should set a limit of 115-120. Then again, I still have my doubts about any diet causing me significant weight loss at my age and with my slow metabolism, so we’ll just have to wait and see.

Not eating makes you cold, so by the time I get to where I’m a few hours away from my one big meal, I’m freezing!

The roads are snowy and icy, so we’re not going out today. Instead, Tom got us treats yesterday when he did the grocery shopping, including incense, figuring that this is how it’d be today. That’s the one thing I hate about snowy climates; unlike in Arizona, the weather can prevent you from going out. As much as I hate this shit, it just may keep the little animals from coming to stomp around next door this Sunday. Next Sunday, however, they probably will be there.

Tom got us our first snow shovel yesterday. I had swatted out a path with the broom before he got in, but additional snowfall filled it back in.

China is one stupid country. They have a one-child-only policy due to their huge population. Recently they made it illegal to have sex-selective abortions because the gender ratio was getting thrown off (the sexists over there prefer boys), but it’s like – duh! If they let them keep aborting girls and throwing the ratio off even more, then that’d help curb their overpopulation problem! They say boys are so popular because they’re seen as able to keep the family line going, and I’m like – hello! You need a woman to do that, too. A man can’t carry children all by himself. That’s just 95% of the population for you, though - plain old stupid.

Sunday, January 9, 2005

Romeo’s next door now shoveling Bev’s driveway, but his truck isn’t present. He was over for a few minutes yesterday. I hope my complaints about the music won’t spark them into other annoyances, like slamming doors, for instance. I’ve heard that front door more often, though it’s so far from where I sleep, it’d never wake me up. It just seems to be human nature, though, for people to act up in other ways when they’ve been complained about. That’s what the freeloaders did, always making a point to slam their car doors as loud as they could.

At least today ought to be animal-free, so we’ve got 15 more Sundays to hope we can dodge the animals, though I know they’ll be here a few times before we leave. There are 3 Sundays left in the month as it is, so one of those ought to include them.

The old man across the street came knocking yesterday. We figured he wanted to plow our driveway for a small fee, but we just ignored him.

If I don’t hear from Bob or Jeff come Monday, I’m going to tell them to forget my order. I’m also not going to play any more mail games with anyone else, so I’ll probably forget about trying incense from that other place and just get us a small microwave and me a new pillow. Mine’s just about mashed flat. I think I’ve had it since back east if I didn’t get it when I first moved to Arizona.

Later…

It looks like I’ve bottomed out at 126 pounds, though I’ll continue to do this diet for two days at a time with a day off in between to save money.

Last night I slept pretty shittily. That’s because I had to sleep on pieces of foam because this bed leaked just like the last one did! It fucking figures, though I’m surprised it took so long. Why is it always our stuff that breaks? Meanwhile, none of the stuff in here that we don’t own has broken in any way. At least I caught this leak while I was awake, rather than awakened to find I’d sunk like I did in the RV. I was lying in it reading when I realized it was getting softer awfully fast. By placing it in the tub, Tom was able to locate the leak by pushing on it. The leak would then cause the water to bubble. The odd thing about it is that the leak is in the area where my pillow is and once we examined it, it was clearly a puncture made by a sharp object and not wear and tear of the bed itself. But I don’t have anything that could do that. I don’t lie on the bed with things in my pockets, nor do I have sharp objects on me. The sharpest thing we could come up with was the metal clasp around my elastic hair tie, but even that seemed too small and just not sharp enough to go through a sheet and a wool blanket folded in half.

We tried to patch it with a piece of semi-rubbery backing from a mouse pad and some rubber cement, but that wouldn’t seal it enough. We had Tom sleep on it because I figured I’d always be waking up, paranoid about sinking. I was shocked to find it stayed up all night, though it did lose a lot of air. I was like, I nearly broke my back while this thing stayed up! Despite sleeping on 4 pieces of foam, I was still quite uncomfortable. I guess it’s because I’m a little heavy. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so uncomfortable if I were the 100 pounds I used to be, but since that’s not going to happen, we got a new bed today. Fortunately, it came with a repair kit because we forgot to get one and these cheap pieces of shit are obviously always going to spring leaks.

Next week we’re going to get a microwave and me a new head pillow as well as a new body pillow.

It wasn’t overly cold out there, but it was all slushy with patches of water and ice and just totally yucky. Dreary looking, too. Tom’s still finding this fun, though, and even enjoyed shoveling the driveway. He’s insane, I told him.

Again someone knocked on the door. Some woman with a little kid that was probably looking for hand-outs. They just don’t leave you alone in the city!

I wonder if I’ll hear from the publisher this coming week. The 6 weeks are almost up. I’d rather them tell me they’re rejecting my manuscript than just blow me off without a word, but a lot of people do that.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Just 110 more days to go here. If Romeo’s now living with Bev, hopefully he won’t dig the idea of a bunch of little kids visiting, but I’m sure they’ll visit again soon enough. Better yet, I wish she’d start hanging out at his place more and more, though I don’t want her to move before we do because we may get something worse over there if she did.

I wasn’t kidding, though, when I said no more complaints against the bass if she were to start up again. I’ve got an advantage here that I didn’t have with the sickos that I’m going to take advantage of and that’s that I can give back what I get. Not being attached to the sickos, it wasn’t easy to “pay back the noise.” Also, they were so damn noisy that my noise wouldn’t have mattered. Here, though, the only thing I couldn’t do is wake her up if she woke me up because I’d have to wake Tom up in order to do that. Meanwhile, I’ll just give back any bass she gives me, though all’s been quiet since complaint number two.

I was shocked to awake at 125 pounds. That’s a 4-pound drop in 8 days!

We got a little more snow, but haven’t gotten over half a foot yet. According to these online charts, the first week of January was as cold as it gets here, though it’s still going to be a few months before it warms up. I just hope it isn’t too nice to invite all kinds of chaos outside these bedroom windows before we leave!

Got a nice view out the kitchen window yesterday when a couple of deer decided to come digging through the snow for some apples. I even managed to get some decent pictures. I was amazed at how easily and gracefully they hopped over the fence. It was almost as if they floated over it and they were nearly soundless when they touched ground. They’re pretty brave too, because I went out back and watched them for a few minutes and they didn’t mind.

When Tom got in from work, he told me there were 3 of them watching him leave for work that morning. They were between our driveway and the side of the neighboring duplex.

I spoke with Bob yesterday who said things were in shambles when he returned from a vacation in Mexico. He said Jeff’s a good guy, but he’s lousy with management. He also says he’ll have my order shipped today or tomorrow, though he doesn’t know if the two body oils I want are in stock. Either way, we sent off the payment today, so maybe they’ll cross paths. If all goes well, I can mail Paula’s incense and CDs out on Monday.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

We decided to get a microwave this weekend and put my new pillows on hold till next weekend in light of the $150 electric bill we just got. That’s nothing compared to the Arizona bills, but still a hell of a lot for us, considering what he makes here.

We did more research on Redding and were surprised to see how much warmer it is there than here. It’s barely two hours away yet its temperatures are more comparable to Arizona than here! It rains more there, though it rains more everywhere than in Arizona. Well, I’m pretty sick of the cold and snow already. My only concern would be that it may be too noisy being a warmer climate, but we’ll see. We still don’t even know that we’re going to make it down there this year. It’ll all depend on what he finds for jobs.

Tom got an idea for a book he wants us both to write together about a PI who looks for a missing person with computers being involved. It’s sort of sci-fi. I told him I didn’t know if I could do that because I’m not a sci-fi writer. I’ll give it a try, though it seems like it’d be like me trying to sing opera. I’ve still got so many book ideas of my own, and who knows when No Escape will be done?

It’s been exactly 6 weeks since I submitted my manuscript to PDP, so I hope to hear from them soon. If February rolls around with still no word from them, I’ll email them.

Of course I haven’t heard a damn thing from Bob saying that my package has been shipped. Why oh why do I always have to fight to get things??? Why can’t I just order something and get it???

The sleep curse was on again this morning. A single loud bang woke me up that seemed too loud to be any of the neighbors, so I’m thinking it may’ve come from the street. I heard another single loud bang about 10 minutes later. Since I doubt it was any of the neighbors, unless Bev hurled a chair at the dividing wall or they slammed doors with all their strength on the other side, no midnight snowballs will be hurled at their bedroom windows, though I think mom and daughter are wide awake at that hour.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

I thought it was time to do something I’ve been thinking of doing ever since I got off probation and that’s to email the Arizona Republic with the truth about what happened with the sickos we used to live with. I’m not going to tell Tom just yet because I know that’d make him extremely paranoid. Even I was a little nervous at first, knowing they could alter my email, etc., but then I remembered my vow to not let this incident keep me from speaking my mind. I did it because I felt I finally had to “fight back” even if it’s in a pathetic sort of way. It isn’t to make anyone believe me or side with me or to gain anything. I can’t kill them, I can’t sue them, but I could finally speak out without being attacked or used as people’s source of entertainment, and so I did. I will place a copy of the email at the end of this entry.

I called Bob again and he says that by next week they should be all caught up, he got my money order today, and will email me to let me know the current status of my order. Meanwhile, I’m sure it hasn’t been shipped yet.

I also called Paula and told her to start looking for her package after the 24th. She’s been kind enough not to call me so she doesn’t take up my minutes, and I assured her I’d make it a point to call her once a month. The gay guy got a 1-year restraining order on her, she’s still in touch with psycho Miguel, and her married black pig still comes around every now and then.

Last night was utterly freezing here at -7º! Bev hasn’t hung clothes out back for a while now.

I was so sick of being so cold in my sleep that I cut my comforter in half, making the part I’d cover myself with a little wider, and put the other part under my sheet to act as a padded mattress pad. I had two hours of sewing to do, but it was worth it.

My letter to the Arizona Republic:

My name is Jodi S and while I doubt this letter will be read since it’s not exactly going to say what the media would like to hear, I’ll give it a try anyway. I had turned down an interview with you folks in March of ’01 from Estrella jail because I didn’t want to be your source of entertainment, after being terribly slandered by a couple of news people who insisted they were to remain neutral and weren’t out to attack me, though you went and bashed me anyway, even though I never did read the article.

So why am I writing this? Oh, I guess it’s just because I have to get the truth out, even if no one ever cares enough to read this, much less investigate my claims.

I’m the one who was convicted of stalking Joely N on 10/30/00. The reason I’ve chosen to wait so long to write this is so that no one thinks I wrote it simply to try to get a break on my sentence since my sentence has been done and over with since 4/30/03. I don’t even reside in Arizona anymore. My husband and I were forced to run after the countless threats we received from both Miss N and the arresting officer involved, Jerry O, her personal friend. I guess the reason for the threats was that they were angry that my probation got cut 6 months early, aside from the fact that these are seriously disturbed individuals. Because of this, I am not going to disclose my location.

Let me cut to the chase and then I’ll expand on what I have to say. They said I was convicted of writing and sending N a threatening letter, but in reality, I was convicted because I am Jewish (something N has personally told me she despises) and because I launched a city complaint against her when she was on section 8 and living next to us in Phoenix for constant noise and trashing our yard. I did not know this right away, but she and Jerry O have been long-time buddies.

We moved to Maricopa because we were tired of being continually harassed and badgered by these people for no reason whatsoever. Loud stereos would come and go at all hours of the day and night, screaming and yelling were a constant occurrence, trash would be tossed over into our yard, and so on and so forth. Every time we’d call the police, they’d tell us they couldn’t be there 24/7 to monitor the situation and that they’d probably start up as soon as they left, and they did. The police also told me to keep a log of their activities. I did this in my journal. This is what the state called “stalking.” Well, let me assure you, we couldn’t have helped but know their every move if we tried because N, her boyfriend Michael, her friends and family, went out of their way to make sure we knew of their every move and this was just a few feet from our place. Their driveway ran alongside one wall of our house and we’d hear them out there slamming car doors as loud as they could, laughing about it, calling out, taunting us. I was becoming quite frightened of them. After all, there were just 2 of us and lots of them. I even heard N once yell out, “Call the police again and I’ll personally skin your white Jewish ass!” This was along with prank phone calls and notes slipped in our mailbox slot that I am so, so sorry I never saved. I thought I was being the so-called bigger person by ignoring these things and so I threw them away.

When repeated complaints to quiet down directly to them failed to work, we wrote a letter to the city. This was never about their color. This was about them being loud, rude and obnoxious. They themselves turned it into a racial issue, and never once did I make any threats to them in my journals. The closest thing I may’ve said to a threat was, “I wish they’d drop dead over there,” or “I sometimes want to go over and strangle them for all the noise,” but I never once wrote any direct threats to them or their kids.

She said in court that she had to move twice because of me yet I never knew where she moved to. That’s why I sent the journals to the old address; so they could be forwarded. (I’m sure O coaxed her into saying this) Then they said I picked on the next family which was Hispanic, but they weren’t Hispanic. They were as white as I am. When I called N and asked if she’d gotten the letter, “the letter” meant the manila envelope I’d sent her containing the journals.

That’s where Det. O comes in. We had just moved into our Maricopa home when he so rudely stormed into my house, scaring the living daylights out of me, with a ton of other cops. It was like a swat team! I was like, all this for a 105-pound, 5’ person? Then I was dragged into Phoenix to be asked questions that I could’ve been asked right there in my home. This was when I was framed, though I didn’t realize it at the time. O thrust a threatening letter into my hand that I had never seen before. It was very threatening and filled with racial slurs. I told him I knew nothing of the letter, though I did send some journal excerpts as a way of “speaking my mind” in a non-violent way that was exercising my right to freedom of speech. What I didn’t know then is that O typed the letter up himself, then thrust it into my hands to get my fingerprints on it. I also have every reason to believe he altered many of the journals as well.

Words cannot describe the sheer frustration of being set up by your own perpetrators while the media has done nothing but glorify these people. Words also couldn’t describe the frustration of knowing I can never prove the letter was a frame. I have been humiliated beyond belief. The police have ignored the threats made against us. They just didn’t want to hear it or believe it. It always makes the news when non-whites are discriminated against, but when a white person is discriminated against, you never hear about it.

The corruption doesn’t end here, I’m afraid, so please bear with me a little longer if by some chance you are still reading this.

Paul K was my public defender. I thought I just may have someone on my side at last, someone I could trust, but boy was I wrong! He withheld valuable information from me that could’ve prevented me from receiving the ludicrous sentence I received, and didn’t show me additional “evidence” till minutes before sentencing. I don’t even remember what this was because he flashed it really quickly and then shoved it away in a file folder. When I asked to see it clearly, he refused. My husband and I tried to take action against him, but the Bar Association refused to even listen to us. Meanwhile, I was led to believe I was being charged with the journals, not the letter. I was also assured – no promised – that if I pled guilty, I would receive no more than a year’s probation. I still didn’t think I deserved that much for sending what was a handful of pages of journal excerpts, but I truly believed at the time that I had no way out. K was great at manipulating people who didn’t know a thing about the law and the system. And why should I have known anything? After all, the worst I’d ever done back in my native state of Massachusetts was make prank phone calls that I got a slap on the wrist for. However, I would come to learn an awful lot too late right around this time, along with the fact that N and O were friends and maybe even more than friends by the way they carried on out in the hallway before we could enter the courtroom. Oh, it was quite a show, I assure you!

And then there was the DA and Judge. When Paul told me the DA was seeking a 6-month sentence, I was stunned. I couldn’t believe it! Who in their right mind would seek that kind of a sentence for something that was written on paper? After all, I never harmed these people, never forced them to read the journals. They could’ve simply trashed them and moved on, but not these vengeful, vindictive people. This was when I started to realize much to my horror that I may never be allowed to move on and get these people out of my life forever. And what kind of judge could hand down such an insane sentence? Even if it was the so-called “law,” well, what if the law came down and said you had to throw your children off a bridge? Would you do it? I should hope not! I should hope at that point you’d do the right thing which the judge failed to do that day. Even if I’d been 100% guilty as charged, no one – no one – should do 6 months in jail, plus 2 years of probation that would amount to thousands of dollars, for a letter!

I thoroughly regret pleading guilty and that I cannot prove the guilt of those involved, protect others from becoming potential victims of these hateful people, and sue them silly. So my next hope is that N and O, who are obviously obsessed with me, never find me. There’s no saying what they would do if they did and let me set the record straight – the only “victims” in this case were me and my husband! Another thing that’s truly frustrating is knowing that no one’s ever questioned them. Never once has these people’s credibility been questioned. I mean, certainly I can’t be the only one they’ve picked on. I’m sure that if one probed deep enough, they’d find others they’ve victimized that they believed crossed them and that O used his authority against. This man is nothing but a very angry person hiding behind a badge that he uses as a weapon against those he dislikes or that his friend/lover N has a personal vendetta against. I don’t know if they’re all white like me, but I’m sure you’d find a common denominator if you looked hard enough – Joely N and Jerry O.

I do not wish to be contacted regarding this letter. Sadly, I know these people will never be questioned, or investigated, and that justice will never be done in this case. I just wanted to correct the tall tales they’ve spun along with the media and God knows who else, and speak the truth without being attacked for once, or assumed to be out for personal gain.

Later…

Got a Bob letter today. His lungs are so bad that he says he may not make it out of there. I never thought he would, truthfully. I always figured he’d either kill himself or get shanked by some sicko.

The Bob in Idaho is still stringing me along. He emailed saying, “We never received the order so we couldn’t find it,” yet he just named off a few things on my order list the other day that he said he’d check on to see if they were in stock. Now I have no clue whatsoever when my order will be shipped, but I do know that I’m done with them for good. I’d really like to find a place I can buy my supplies from in person!

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Although I don’t expect them to get it till Monday, I went ahead and sent the publishers a message regarding any decisions made about my manuscript. Whether or not I hear from them will depend on just how professional they are. If they blow me off, then they were never all that professional to begin with.

If Bob blows me off and I don’t get the incense by Friday, I’ll just go ahead and send Paula what I’ve got, along with her CDs. Then I’ll have to fight to get the money back, and never, never, get anything through the mail again.

Meanwhile, I was able to go online and order free mailing boxes from the PO. They say they’ll be here in 10-14 days. It’d be nice if they kept their word because that way he wouldn’t have to stand in line at the local PO.

If I do get my incense, then I’ll stick to my plan of trying that other incense place next month. I’m sure they’ll start off reliable, then slowly slack off like Bob and Jeff did. Things always seem like they’re going to work out at first, but then they slide downhill. Neighbors start off quiet, then they get noisy. Diets start off effective, then they stop working. Melatonin starts off keeping me on a schedule, then it’s worthless. People’s service starts off okay, then it gets horrible.

No animals next door today, but the damn things will probably be there next Sunday.

My weight is at 126 pounds. I don’t know if I’ll get lower than 125-126. My guess is no, I won’t.

The temperature’s climbing back up which makes it much more comfortable at night. It’d cost us a fortune to heat it so that we’d be comfortable in here when it’s around 0º. It’s going to be in the upper 50s in about a week.

The Arizona Republic has so far honored my request not to be contacted regarding my email, though I’m not terribly surprised about that one. They probably never even read it, having long since decided that I was the perpetrator in this case, and if they did it would have only been to see if I threatened the sickos so they could try to hunt me down and come after me.

Tom sprayed mildew killer to try to kill all the damn mildew that’s around the windows, and although that was hours ago, I can still smell the shit. It reminds me of Monkey-Faced Maria in jail who was so obsessed with bleaching everything she could!

Monday, January 17, 2005

I got a response back from PDP. I hope she’ll find my current story more “fleshed out and expanded on” as she put it. I think it’s much better than the one she read, but we’ll see. I don’t know if I’ll rework the one I submitted only because it’s easier to start from scratch than to rework a manuscript, but we’ll see. It’s definitely longer. Still, I appreciate the feedback, even if she made a typo at the end of her review. We were kind of expecting a form letter or to be completely blown off.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

If I could’ve read future excerpts back before the mid-90s, this one would’ve had me laughing: A cold tried to set in the night before last. It took me a while to fight it, but between my spells, incense burning, and chicken pot pie, it never got worse than a scratchy throat. I don’t know how I do what I do. I just concentrate really hard on what I want (or don’t want), though sometimes it takes a few tries.

Here’s another classic example of how not having my own kids hasn’t necessarily spared me from having to deal with other people’s kids getting in the way of my life, plans and peace. On Sunday, Bob told me he worked on my order a little, then he got pulled away by his daughter who was celebrating her 10th birthday. Supposedly, it’s to be shipped out tomorrow, but I’ll believe it when I see it.

I took my first duplex nap and slept for a few hours this evening. Perhaps that’s because cramps woke me up after not much more than 4 hours of sleep this morning. Again I don’t know what it is with the 4th hour of my sleep being so vulnerable. Did I smother someone in their sleep in a previous life after they’d been asleep for 4 hours, or what? I may be asleep when he gets in from work if I can’t get to sleep till late in the morning, but I’ll wake up to a nice surprise in the freezer if I do – a mud pie blizzard from DQ! Yes, it’s my day off tomorrow, and I’m also virtually certain that my weight won’t drop below 125 pounds. Oh well. For years I couldn’t get under 127 so maybe someday I’ll get under 125, but probably not anytime too soon. I still intend to keep up the diet, though, cuz it does a good job of saving money.

I do not look forward to this Sunday, knowing it could very well be a circus next door. The question is, will I be awake before the earthquakes begin, or will the animals wake me up? I did not come here just to be woken up by other people’s kids or grandkids!!!

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Romeo’s visiting now. I still don’t think he’s living there, though, because the truck is hardly ever there. Why would you move in with someone and leave your vehicle elsewhere most of the time? How would he get to work, assuming he does work? He may very well be on disability himself, though I’ve never seen his truck here during regular business hours. It’s just that I remember all too well how hard it is for those on Disability to attract those with jobs. However, a guy probably wouldn’t mind a woman on Disability as much as another woman would.

The guy across the street yelled for Tom to come help him lift an air compressor out of his trunk the other day, but they didn’t chat or anything.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Amazingly, Bev’s been gone since Tom got in from work, which was right around when I got up and still is. I’ve never known her to be out after dark. My guess is that she’s at her kid’s house. I hope that’s where she is because it’s about time she went to them rather than them going to her, cuz when they do, we’re the ones that have to deal with it, though I’m sure they’ll still visit occasionally. Most people aren’t going to forbid their grandkids from visiting just because they bother the neighbors.

I just realized another not-so-good possibility. Her daughter-in-law could be having the baby tonight, in which case she and her son may want to pawn the other kids off on her because they’ll have their hands full enough with a newborn. Why do other people’s kids always have to butt into my life? With my shit luck, her daughter-in-law has no mother for them to go to, so with just one granny to sic them on, we’re the ones that’ll have to put up with their shit.

It’s getting more and more obvious, at least to me, that Bob’s just stringing me along with no plans to ship my order. I don’t think he ever processed it. I don’t know if he’s just so overwhelmed that he’s deliberately losing customers while he’s too greedy to hire help, or what, but here’s my plan. If I still haven’t heard from him by Monday, I’ll email him informing him that he has one week to either send me my order or give me my money back. If in a week he hasn’t delivered either, I’ll trash and bash him in his testimonials every day. Hopefully, he’ll get so sick of that that he’ll finally cave in and send something. There’s no way I can trust this other incense place. I’m just too cursed with mail orders, and the more it’s something I like/want, the more I have to fight for it. It’s just too damn hard to get shit through the mail, so I give up.

I hit 124 pounds today. If things continue as they have been, I just may keep losing after all. I may be 115 when we move, from what I calculated.

Friday, January 21, 2005

It’s currently 21º here, 3º in Springfield, and 69º in Maricopa. It’s going to be 81º in Maricopa come Sunday. God, I miss that! I mean, I don’t miss the huge electric bills, struggling to regulate the AC, sweating my ass off even when I’m sitting still, but I’m sick of being cold! I’m so glad we’ll be moving when the weather warms up, cuz as much as I miss summer, I’d hate to have it warm up here. Never know what trouble it may bring outdoors if it did.

Bev was out for at least 3 hours that we know of. I’d say that kid was born. She’s never been out that long and after dark, so I’m getting rather nervous about the upcoming weekend. Damn! I did not come here to be stressing out all over again about what neighbors may do! Oh well, whatever she does, it can’t be for more than 100 days now, then all I have to do is hope we can get a house that doesn’t include the neighbors’ barking dogs or a car stereo. If they did have a stereo, though, I’d like to think they couldn’t pull right up alongside our house with it, or sit with it blasting while they tossed hoops. I just know that someone in the household will be home all the time, they’ll probably have little kids who are outside a lot, so I’m hoping we’ll have more privacy than we did in Maricopa since we couldn’t possibly have that much distance.

I had to laugh to myself when I thought of how we came here to build a home on the mountain. Instead, we may very well move to California and I may publish a book this year (I have vibes that my second submission will make it). Now that’s pretty far out.

I also laughed when I thought of how Mary had contacted me to help her get her book published, yet all I could do for her was type up what she wrote. Instead, it just may be the other way around, since she’s the one who really inspired me to improve my writing and to write more elaborate stories.

Tom was right when he pointed out how we seem to fail when we set out to do something with some grand goal in mind. Getting my stories published was the last thing on my mind when I started them. I still can’t say for sure that I ever will get any published, but I think I stand a pretty good chance. The vibes I got from Barb weren’t just that she hoped I’d submit something publishable, but more like she expected me to.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

I was laughing when I read that Massachusetts is 30 degrees colder than we are right now, and expecting a monster snowstorm. Yup, winters here are mild compared to even the easiest winters there.

Bev was out again till dusk. I know she’s not visiting Romeo who’s laid up with a broken leg somewhere because he came by last night. I just hope this place isn’t hit with 7 hours of sonic boom-type vibrations tomorrow!

I awoke at 126. That’s a 2-pound setback, so I have to really watch it for the next couple of days. My goal is to hit 123 by the end of the month.

The good news is that my incense was finally shipped out on Friday. Now all I have to do is hope they sent everything I ordered. If whatever extra thing he threw in isn’t good, I’ll just send it to Paula. I just hope I don’t have to be available to sign for it because I should be asleep when it comes on Monday or Tuesday.

Tom’s written a program to aid him with the online games. We’re hoping this will earn us an additional few hundred a month, but we’re afraid to get our hopes up. It’s just that we’ve struggled so much of our lives that I can’t see why we’d suddenly stop. The hard part is that he’s got to come up with a program that’s not too obvious and that they can block with their own software they may have set up to detect aids.

As for me, I thought that once we had a PO Box somewhere again, I’d post a notice on the bulletin board for people to send me $5 per question, and as a psychic, I’d send them their answers via postal mail or email. This way, if some trigger-happy psycho doesn’t like any answers I may give, they won’t know where to find me. I hope I can do something because my books can’t make us shit. Even if I got 5 books published right now, you’re talking just a few bucks a year in sales because not many people buy these kinds of books, and I’m not a big-name author.

He found a dollar bill in the driveway the other day. At least the occasional trash that blows in here is worth something unlike the millions of pieces of trash we’d get in Maricopa!

He said he felt a slight cold starting, so I did a spell on him. I hope it works!

Why couldn’t they come up with these flavored cigarettes before I quit smoking? They’ve got all kinds of them coming out now, and of course you also got all kinds of people protesting them. I can’t imagine how you could “flavorize” smoke, but then again, you can add fragrance to it so why not taste?

Sunday, January 23, 2005

No animals today, so that’s good. Maybe God’s just waiting to send them over on a day when he knows I’ll be up to having to figure out where we’re going to go for 7 hours while they bounce off the walls, floor and ceiling. There’s no way I can see her having them over and ordering them to sit still. You can’t tell little kids to sit still any more than you can tell a rattlesnake to rid itself of its venom. Not without traumatizing them into a catatonic state with threats of death for running rather than walking.

It seems the worst of winter may be over, judging by the variety of birds there suddenly is. So unlike Massachusetts, though I’m sure it won’t feel very summery for a while yet. Good, we still have 98 days to go here.

I have this cavity that acts up every now and then, but then I do my spells and it’s okay for a while. Although Tom’s a bit more sure he can win us a couple of hundred extra bucks a month, I want to put off filling it till after we get moved so it doesn’t jeopardize the move.

It also appears that my spell stopped his cold from setting in, too. A cold made another play for me in my sleep, but again I fought it off. Let’s put it this way – we’d both be feeling pretty lousy right now if I didn’t have the powers I have!

I hope we can find an old dumpy house no one wants to rent that’s cheaper than this. If it’ll only be for a few years, I won’t care if it’s small, old and rundown. I guess it’ll depend on how much land is around it. Just as long as there are some space and some trees for privacy. I also hope it’s where we stay till we buy a house. I may be anxious to get the hell out of here, but I’m still sick of all the damn moving we do, too!

Monday, January 24, 2005

Tom’s trying for today’s $10 on the game site. That’s what we’d like to start with; $10 a day. Without this cheater thing he wrote, there’d be no way. If this works out, though, then that’ll be his additional part-time job.

I can relate to how he said he wanted to brag to everyone and anyone about how he came up with this brilliant program, yet the only one he could tell was me. He was adamant about me writing about it at first, but then he said it’d be okay since it’s not illegal. The worst that could happen to him if he were caught would be that he’d get kicked off the site and not paid any of the money he won.

Where I can relate is that if I ever did get a book published, I’d want to rub a copy in both our family’s faces, and maybe even send a copy to Andy and Miss Priss, yet I know we wouldn’t tell anyone other than Bob and Paula. Impressing the others and showing off to them isn’t worth the cost of the postage it’d take to send the copies anyway.

Later…

I’m both excited and delighted to say that after waiting exactly one month, the incense is here! Not without a catch, though, as usual. One of the two body oils is out of stock and so is the incense oil I ordered. Also, they left out my bags. This is no biggie, though, compared to if I find that any of these dipped sticks aren’t what they’re supposed to be, but so far so good.

Bob said he’d send the stuff to me next week. I guess my box was packed, then repacked, and they forgot to stick the bags back in.

What’s funny is that he can’t find my money order which he acknowledged both on the phone and in the e-mail had arrived. He said his daughter cleans up after him and she may’ve put it someplace. Serves him right for making me wait this long! Anyway, Tom will give him its ID number if he has to. These people are so damn disorganized! What kind of fool leaves payments lying around to get misplaced? Don’t they have some sort of box for these things?

I’m impressed with how well the oil burns in the light bulb rings. Just half an eyedropper of oil, and the place smelled heavily of chocolate for about as long as in incense stick burns, maybe longer. It only smoked a teeny tiny bit, too. The only drawback to the oil rings is that I can’t use them when I don’t want lights on.

He gave me two extra 20-packs. One was an extra pack of Cotton Candy which is good. It actually sort of reminds me of butter rum, believe it or not. And also a pack of the famous Frankincense. I don’t really care for that one, so I sent it to Paula. Both she and Tina will be in for a pleasant surprise. Especially Tina, since she’s not expecting it.

The flat-rate mailing boxes I requested arrived, too. The mailman left them by the door, knocked, then took off. I’m going to miss getting packages this easily, though I’m not going to be getting many for a long, long time to come. Not just to save money, but because I’m sick of having to work so hard to get them! It sort of takes the fun out of shopping when you have to fight for your purchases, though I still may give that other place a try and get just $20 worth of sticks.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

I was surprised to wake at 123 pounds! I did not expect that. Every time I think I’m not going to lose anymore, I do, so now I’m back to not being sure how low I’ll go.

Tom’s got a new game plan in mind. Instead of playing for set dollar amounts each day, he’s going to play for 2 hours on weekdays and 5 hours on weekends. That’ll be 20 hours a week, the part-time job we need to supplement us. He still thinks he can win around $10 a day.

I called Paula to let her know her incense and CDs would be mailed out tomorrow or the next day. I also enclosed some designer envelopes for her as well as a couple of dull colognes and a bottle of nail polish. Plus, I’m sending her a light bulb ring and a bit of watermelon oil so she can see if she too, wants to switch from sticks to avoid the residue buildup. I let her know I’d send a fragrance list from the New York site for her to choose from and to send me money for whatever she wants and I’ll get it for her when I go to do a trial order for myself in 2-3 months.

Not surprisingly, I found more botches on the incense I just got. My Butter Rum is Butter Rum and so is my Cranberry, and I’m almost sure the Cotton Candy is, too. Also, the Jasmine smelled a bit off, yet when I sniffed the bag, it clearly smelled of Jasmine. The Fruit was way off, and when I sniffed the bag, it smelled Lemony. They obviously can’t handle big incense orders, so even though he says he got a new kid helping him, I should buy more oils from them and fewer sticks. I want to convert over to oil anyway. They don’t manufacture their oil, so maybe they won’t fuck up as much as opposed to when they have to dip/package sticks.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

I spoke to Paula last night and let her know her package is on its way. While we’ve had no snow and have been in the 40s and 50s, she’s got 15” of snow and single-digit temps! Some parts of Massachusetts have 3’ of snow.

Not surprisingly, his cheater program doesn’t look like it’s going to help him win $10 a day at the game site. As I reminded him, we wouldn’t be cursed financially if we were meant to be able to do things like win money that often. The point of this is to keep us down in life and make sure we always struggle. I don’t know what’s doing this to us or why. Everyone else in our families was meant to have money, so why are we the black sheep in that department? Because we are in so many other departments as well? Well, I don’t know why we’re destined to scrape pennies, but there’s no point in getting upset over it. It’s always been this way and it always will be.

I’m also sure my publishing vibe is bullshit, too. I mean, it has to be, doesn’t it? Why would God let me do something as extraordinary as publishing a book, even if it means we still stay broke? I guess the answer is simple. I may not want to be a writer like I once wanted to be other things, but I like to write, so why would He let me do something I like and want to do other than for fun? I just don’t see Him letting me publish a book, although He did let me get pictures published, and well, I don’t know, but maybe getting something published isn’t that extraordinary. I don’t know the odds. I guess it’d be somewhat special, though certainly not as special as winning a Grammy or an Oscar. I just don’t see how one could make money with gay characters with all the bigots in this world, so maybe He would allow it after all. I think that’s why He allowed me to get my pictures published; because He knew I wouldn’t profit from it. So, if I have nothing to gain, I just may succeed.

I learned yet another fucked up religious belief from Tom when I commented on how those that hate gays tie them into religion, unlike blacks. He told me that they too, were entwined in twisted beliefs. Back when they were slaves, certain religious people said it was okay to enslave them because they weren’t really human but were in fact monkeys. As much as I hate the damn things, even I have to admit that one’s pretty fucked up, yet it’s funny, too. A lot of them do have monkey-like facial features.

I went to the Arizona Republic’s site to see if anything was printed pertaining to my e-mail. Not surprisingly there wasn’t. I wouldn’t have cared if there was, I was just curious. All I found connected to my name was one small paragraph from when I was in custody, and sure enough, and not at all surprisingly, that one little paragraph was riddled with lies. The sick bitch said I hung a teddy bear by a noose from her clothesline, that she spent as much time as possible away from the house, and that she was pregnant when we had to live with her and her sick associates. Again, I had the great misfortune of seeing her often enough to know she was never pregnant while living there. I got a kick out of the ax bullshit she threw in, though, saying she slept with an ax by her bed. What? Her big man couldn’t protect her from someone smaller than she was? Then again, I was only shorter, but not lighter. The bitch was druggie-thin, so I was no doubt the heavier one. Still… an ax? My, my, Joely, aren’t we a little drama queen? I know it was all for show, though. She was never afraid of me. The only thing she was right on about in court was when she said she was lucky to be alive. She got that one right! I still don’t know why I didn’t stick it to her when I had her on our property. I still would’ve gone to jail, but it would’ve been for a worthy cause in that case.

Anyway, I did toss an old teddy bear over the wall I no longer wanted, but I’d never have had the guts to go into the yard for fear of being shot to death. Then again, the Mexicans would’ve shot us faster than the blacks because that’s just the kind of people they were. I wasn’t kidding or exaggerating when I said they’d literally die for me. They’d die for anyone or anything, for that matter, if that’s what it took to get their way. They don’t come much more defiant than those little shits. Anyway, the noose-hanging was just the black bum’s own throw-in for dramatics, as the roof-hopping was my own add-in in the journals I sent.

As for her spending as much time as possible away from the house – I suppose that’s why I’d always bitch about her being there 24/7, because she was out as much as possible, right? Well, the truth is that it was only in the last few months that she was gone during the day, but that was only because she finally started working.

I would also bet everything I have that she didn’t lose the house. Her time was no doubt up because they were beginning to set time limits at that time. Since the 90s, you haven’t been able to stay on welfare for decades like you used to be able to. Some people would have one child after another just to stay on it, but now they’ll only pay for so many for so long, then “you’re the parents, so you foot the bill,” is their attitude, which I thoroughly agree with. I thought it was about time they cracked down on the lazy mother-fuckers. Either way, there’s no way even the nicest, most peaceful person would have gone out that quietly the day she moved, had we been the ones to cause her to be evicted. The Mexicans may’ve ended up evicted, but she did not.

Later…

I’m back to thinking I’m not going to lose any more weight. I’ve been 125 pounds for the last two days, and when I first hit 125, it was 16 days ago. Oh well. Going hungry still saves money.

I split my 24 bags of incense in half. I plan to rotate every other day between my sweets, spices and musks, and my fruits, flowers and perfumes.

Friday, January 28, 2005

Another weekend in the city has just about arrived, and so has the stress that goes with it. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned since leaving Phoenix is to never think you’ve escaped something for good! The stress may be nothing compared to other places, but still, it’s there, nonetheless. I almost wish those animals had come last Sunday so that I could know I probably wouldn’t have to worry about them for a while, but now I’m left to anticipate what shit this Sunday may bring. Oh well, I’ll just keep reminding myself that there are only 13 more Sundays left here.

She left just before Tom left for work this morning. I wonder where she could’ve gone so early.

We’re done with Netflix and Webshots. I’m hoping Tom will be able to hack the 2 out of 4 daily premium pictures from Webshots, though I doubt it. I’d think they’d be pretty hacker-safe about that, but we’ll see. I doubt I’ll return to these things if we ever have more money because you know how I hate to have to keep starting over. I hate the part-time, sometimes-I-can, sometimes-I-can’t routine I’ve been on for so many years now. I want to either just do something regularly or not do it at all.

Tom heard at work that Walmart, which is expanding into a supercenter, is about to hire 300 people, so he’s thinking of applying there. If he could get hired there, we’d get a 10% discount on groceries and other merchandise, and he could transfer to another Walmart Supercenter in another state/town if they had an opening, because they’re everywhere. The pay’s shitty, but they do get raises and it should be more than what he’s making now (he’ll never get a raise where he is now). A coworker’s wife said she’s only been there two months and they’ve already raised her to $8.40 an hour.

Despite the not-so-good pay, I don’t know if God would allow Tom to work there what with how convenient it would be. We’d both almost certainly have insurance too, including dental.

I’m 125, which I first hit almost 3 weeks ago, so now I’m virtually certain that I won’t lose any more weight. I could if I starved myself even more, but I don’t want to. At least this diet saves money and keeps me from gaining.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

If I were doing this diet to lose weight, yesterday’s setback would’ve had me pissed enough to up my determination, and today’s setback would have me totally discouraged. I’m back to 126. Typical diet, after all. It works at first, then stops.

I slept with just the sound machine and an earplug because I was sick of having the draft on me from the fan. I’ll have to have it on tomorrow, though, in case the animals come. I should be going to sleep around the same time they’d come, if they come, although it’s easier to fall asleep to noise than to fall asleep first and then have it get noisy. It’s not that it’d be “noisy.” Just bangy and vibrant like sonic booms.

I sleep shitty half the time when I’m on nights because the city stress wakes me up constantly. When I sleep at night, though, I sleep better. It’s still a million times quieter here than anyplace I lived in as an adult in Phoenix or back East.

I just hope to hell we can find a place in a neutral zone. One that isn’t so far out and that won’t have the sounds of hunters and sonic booms, but that doesn’t have neighboring houses so damn close. I also hope there are more trees to block sounds and give us added privacy, and that if we do go to a warmer climate, dogs aren’t left outside to bark 24/7 like in Phoenix. I don’t know if they do that everywhere it’s warmer, or if it’s just a Western custom.

Monday, January 31, 2005

Tomorrow should be a good day for Paula, despite the shitty weather they’ve been having there. She should get her package.

I wonder if I’ll hear from Tina. It would be kind of rude and ungrateful to not at least get a ‘thank you’ note, but if I don’t, I don’t.

Later…

I check every now and then to satisfy my curiosity as to what’s going on with Mary’s case, but there are never any new updates that I can find. I know our justice system is fucked up and that things tend to move awfully slow when it comes to the courts, but I can’t believe she’s still sitting in jail with apparently nothing going on! I couldn’t even find any upcoming court dates mentioned. Maybe the vibe I had of her getting out in the fall of this year was way off. Maybe she’ll sit in jail waiting forever for this case to close!

It seems we’ve traded places, Bev and I. Now she’s the one out more. I just haven’t had any place to go, or better yet, any money. So broke. Always, always broke! Where will we be in a year from now?

Poor.

In 2 years from now?

Poor.

In 5 years?

Poor.

In 20?

Poor. Always poor.

It’s funny how much I’ve gained in the time I’ve been out of jail, despite how much I’ve lost as well, and what with how broke we always are. I sure got a lot of MP3s, dolls and other things since then, even if I ended up not liking some of the dolls. And look how much my writing has improved since then.

We managed to get through all of January without the animals next door, but I’m sure they’ll be back sometime during our remaining 89 days here.

I’ll miss some things about the duplex itself. The bedroom’s so much better for daytime sleeping than the Maricopa one was. On sunny days it’s darker than the Maricopa one was on its gloomiest days.

Tom sent for a brochure on Redding, yet it didn’t tell us much about living there. It was basically a tourist brochure for the rich. We certainly could never afford to rent a houseboat on a lake at a resort.

Since I’m 100% sure I’m not going to lose any more weight, unless I miraculously get the willpower to deal with the never-ending hunger, I’m not going to chart my weight on a daily basis, just weekly. And it’ll be to maintain my weight only since I can’t lose. I just try to look at the bright side of keeping the weight. Sure I’d look better if I lost it and rocking would be easier and my clothes would fit better, but with the extra weight, it may make handling the doll easier, even if she’s still years away. It should also help when the next Tami of Valleyhead or Bonny of Woodside Terrace or Barbara of Norwich or Nancy of jail goes to threaten me. I’m not holding back no matter how much of a hold they may have on me, let alone weight, height, strength and experience. Even if I was sure to be beaten to a bloody pulp, the point will be that I stood up for myself and up to them as well.

I realized something that made me wish my hair was completely gray, as funny as that may sound. If it were gray, I’d have a wider variety of color selections to dye it with. Right now I’d have to bleach and strip it to get it blond or even a light golden brown, though I doubt I’d want to have my hair those colors. I could redden it easier and even do some far-out colors like pink, purple and blue if it were lighter to begin with.

As much as I thoroughly believe Michael Jackson is as guilty of child molestation as charged, I don’t see why they even bother to drag the little pedophile into court. The rich, black male is sure to get off, not just because he is a rich, male and black, but because of the riot, they’d certainly have on their hands if he didn’t. Blacks are such sore losers, though they shouldn’t give in to their immature tantrums just because they can’t handle it when a famous black person is made to pay for their crime. We’ve got to take a stand against them and show them they can’t always get their way. Nobody always gets their way, and why they ever thought they should be any different, beats me.

To keep my fragrances special and so as not to get too used to any of them, I’ve paired them up. I’ll rotate between two scents each day, and right now I have 24. Today’s Patchouli and Sugar Plum day. Tomorrow will be Hazelnut and Gingerbread.

People sure do jump the gun on the holidays here. Valentine’s Day is two weeks away yet they already have these Valentine’s theme music stations on Yahoo.

Later…

I did hear back from Tina, after all, though all I got was a 5-dollar bill. No note or anything else. That’s cool, though, as money is more needed than notes. I didn’t specifically ask for money, but I mentioned that the incense normally sells for $1 and the burner for $4. I’d have added a ‘thank you’ note and been generous enough to send $10 for postage and just for remembering and taking the time to send it, but any bit we can get helps.

Tom says there may not have been a note because she may’ve not wanted the incense and therefore, she grudgingly paid for it. No, she wanted it. If there’s anything personal that prevented her from enclosing a note, it’s that she didn’t make $650 off of us.

I decided to end my pairs game because I get sick of having the same two scents going all day and I get to missing the other scents. I’d rather just burn what I’m in the mood to burn until that scent runs out.

Bob said the Bump & Grind oil came in today, but his supplier missed the White Shoulders. Figures, huh? If I’d ordered any other scent; that’s the one they’d have missed. Due to an awesome thing I learned about SOS, I asked Bob if the White Shoulders was made from the exact same oil as the incense oil, which I thought was way off. If it is, I asked that he substitute it for Hugo Boss or Patchouli, which costs the same. Whatever body oil he sends, I told him he could hold it till he has everything in stock.

What I learned from SOS is that there are two different grades of oil yet they cost the same - manufacturers and cosmetics. With the cosmetic, it’s not only good for burners but as body oil, too! I’m definitely determined to switch from sticks to oils due to the residue the sticks leave. My monitor looks like it did when I smoked.

I’ve been doing regular checks on Redding’s temperatures. It seems like it may be warmer in the winter and cooler in the summer which makes me fear it may be noisy. If we can get some space and some trees between the neighbors, a little noise may be worth it because I’m already sick to death of winter. Winters here may not be like back east, but they’re bad enough. So as long as every yard doesn’t have a dog left outside to bark 24/7, and the driveway closest to ours doesn’t have a basketball hoop, it may be an ideal place to go. There’d be more job opportunities for Tom, too.

[aquasoftware]

His baby. ⪩✿⪨

No warnings just Nanami being a dad (fluff) + ML.

Girldad!Kento, who pulls the classic "Go ask your mother." When his daughter wants something but eventually gives in, shaking his head with a slight smile once she brings out the big doe eyes and pleading combo. "I'll see what I can do." He says as he acknowledges her request.

Girldad!Kento, who supports his daughter's little dreams and gives her wads of cash to start her snack business at school, then once she quickly sells out, she finds hidden colorful sticky notes at the bottom in her big tote bag telling her how proud he is.

Girldad!Kento, who teaches his daughter how to save money when he finds out she spent most of her earnings on Doordash and Roblox.

Girldad!Kento, who covers his red face in embarrassment when his daughter dolls him up for a tea party, wearing a comically large powder pink tutu paired with a plastic silver crown as she records tik-toks forcing his two left feet to dance.

Girldad!Kento, who proudly wears his daughter's homemade bracelets that she made from a gifted hobby lobby bracelet kit to work anytime he gets handed a new one, not at all caring about the idiotic snickers he gets from his co-workers. Kento's favorite bracelet that he'll forever keep safe is one that has lettered black and white charms saying "Best dad."

Girldad!Kento, who never gets tired of the crafted macaroni gifts, whether it's on a card for his birthday, a picture frame for Christmas, or a macaroni necklace for Father's Day to him, it's always the thought that counts.

Girldad!Kento, who gets spoiled by his wife and his daughter, receiving two packed lunches for work. He was intensely observant of his daughter's latest interest, which this time became those junior cooking shows eager to try out a new recipe. Yet although it wasn't the best tasting food in the world, he still scarfed down his daughter's cooking as if it were his last meal.

Girldad!Kento, who awakens to the horrified cries of his precious child, begging "Papa, there's a monster in my room; can I sleep with you and mama tonight...?" He couldn't deny that, swiftly enough you both accepted her with open arms in your shared bed.

Girldad!Kento, who encourages his child to do a sport, feeling his heart melt as his little girl picks ballet.

Girldad!Kento, who spam calls you while you're at work so you can guide him through doing makeup for her ballet recitals. "That's the last step? Okay, I promise I'll get some videos for you, honey!" He reassures you, understanding that you don't want to miss a moment.

Girldad!Kento, who humiliates his poor daughter at the recital jumping up and screaming "That's my baby!"

Girldad!Kento, who never misses a PTA meeting or a parent-teacher conference meeting.

Girldad!Kento, who knew no amount of pep talks from you could prepare him for his baby getting her first period, halfway panicking in Walgreens, snatching up every sanitary napkin possible as soon as he got the text, picking her up from school early due to how bad it got getting her favorite comfort food to cheer her up afterwards.

Girldad!Kento, whose heart absolutely shattered hearing the sentence "Papa, I'm way too old for dolls now." What did she mean she was ready to give up Monster High and Barbie's? The saddened blonde refused to let his baby grow up even though he knew he had to.

Girldad!Kento, who almost sheds a tear when he finds out other cruel kids have been picking on her, calling her ugly, so instead of a typical lecture, he gave a warm embrace reminding her how beautiful she is.

Girldad!Kento, who will sob his eyes out at every single graduation, including elementary, middle, high-school, and soon eventually college, needing at least five boxes of tissues to himself at her middle school graduation, not even being able to fathom how he'd handle her high school graduation.

Girldad!Kento, who loves his daughter unconditionally.

8/28/24 11:59pm

[asummersday]

22, 26 and 30

22. Share an excerpt from your favorite scene

This scene from chapter 6 of ataimw is so very near and dear to my heart <3

The kitchen is dark and the lair is quiet. Leo doesn't really want to let Donnie return to his lab just yet.

"Sit down," he says, snapping the first aid kit shut. "I'll make us hot cocoa."

Donnie doesn't protest. He cradles his burned hand to his chest and shuffles over to the kitchen table. Leo messes around the kitchen, picking out a pot and two mugs, cocoa from the tea cupboard and milk from the fridge.

It's the peaceful sort of quiet that only exists this early in the morning, when everything is pale blue and the sun hasn't risen yet. Donnie says nothing, and neither does Leo.

He barely bothers to make anything fancy, he just tries to be quick. When he's done, he makes his way to the kitchen table, mugs in tow.

“I don’t know how to make it as good as Mikey’s or Raph’s, but—” he slides the warm mug over to Donnie.

It’s a very nice mug— ceramic and plain white with dozens of flowers of varying sorts and sizes printed all over it. Leo’s mug is a dusty blue with ‘world’s best grandma’ written across it in neat print letters. Not nearly as nice as Donnie’s, but it’s taller and wider, so Leo’s not complaining.

“It’s fine,” Donnie replies, picking up the mug and taking a hesitant sip. “Thanks,” he adds as an afterthought.

Leo hums in reply, sliding into a vacant chair at the table. Neither of them bothered to turn on any other light in the kitchen, so they’re mostly sitting in the dark, drinking hot chocolate in silence.

Leo feels tired. It’s five in the morning, and he feels it weighing on him. His eyes sting a little and he misses how comfortably asleep he was back in Donnie’s lab.

Across from him, Donnie leans back in his chair, head tilted up toward the ceiling, eyes closed. He’s not sleeping, but Leo wishes he was. Donnie is never this careless with his tools, he’s never careless enough to use the more dangerous ones when he’s sleep deprived. He wonders, briefly, if Donnie would’ve gone knocking on his door after the fact had Leo not shown up in his lab, demanding his twin’s attention.

26. If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

Ohhh. I think I'd have to say when I decided to add Big Mama into the plot of ataimw. I know I've complained about it a bit but I just love to complain, I think its actually a pretty good direction I've taken the plot in.

YEAH cuz I was stumped for WEEKS trying to figure out the plot of this fic, because I suck at plots and I wasn't expecting this fic to require one. I have the angsty stuff going on alongside the plot (finding the cursed amulet) and I was like "well. Its kind of boring making Leo just like chase the foot clan around for 10 straight chapters especially considering that in canon theyre really not that good at what they do, plus its more fun to add something new to spice things up" and along came Big Mama. She's SUCH a fun character (but so difficult to write 😩) and having her in my story definitely makes my plot work better (bc bow Leo ACTUALLY has to work to get the amulet back instead of just chasing the foot clan around NYC. I got sick of that pretty quickly)

(Tbh a lot of people in my comments want leos brothers to find out what's going on but I HAVE A PLAN. and that plan involves no one finding out for at least a couple more chapters sorry.)

30. What’s something that you want to write in 2024?

Ive got a handful of projects for 2024, but at the top, id say finishing all the ashes in my wake. I have two Rise oneshots i really want to write also, both angst and hurt/comfort of course, and that's all I'll say about it :3

Theres also a DC fic that's been sitting in my drafts since September last year that I really hope to get to, though since my hyperfixation's fully shifted into rise idk when ill get to it

Thank you for the ask!!!!

[stone-cold-groove]

Old-school car culture crazy.

[webberslive-blog]

TIRE STICKERS, the world's first and only official global provider of unique stickers and Tire Sidewall Lettering Kits. You can Buy Permanent Tire Lettering Kits for high-performance automobiles, bicycles, motorcycles and off-road vehicles. You can enhance maintenance of vehicle with White Tire Lettering Kit and Falken Tire Lettering Kit. It is very easy to install, simply prepare the tire surface to clean off dirt and oil. Then glue on the lettering sticker and enjoy the new look.

[fireandblood-xxii]

The AOT Crew Goes to Disney World! 🫶🏼

All the shenanigans that would go on if the worlds saddest crew went to the happiest place on Earth

includes: Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Levi, Erwin, Sasha, Connie, Jean, Zeke, and Reiner. Totally SFW. Fluffy hcs ahead 💞

Eren

Fights thru crowds to be the first in line at all his rides, and eventually forces the crew to all get fast passes bc he’s sick and tired of waiting

Goes to the spinning tea cups and spins his way too fast that he physically cannot stand and nearly vomits all over himself

Mikasa has to carry him over her shoulder after that for a little while

And he still literally has no self control after this, he’ll go on a rollercoaster regardless if he’s just eaten and stuffed himself to the brim. He’ll just takes the L and vomit it all up afterwards

Instead of getting Mickey ears like everyone else, he gets a Kylo Ren cape and helmet

Has Mikasa on his shoulders during the parade so that she can get a better view of all the floats and characters :’)

Mikasa

Gets a Disney Princess makeover!! She gets the full Snow White transformation and Eren just skdjsjsjjs he’s beside himself

She convinces Eren to do the novelty drawings where they make their heads and features all huge and exaggerated; she treasures it forever ;u;

Keeps an eye at Eren at all times and gets jealous when all the Disney princesses get flirty with him

She buys Eren a Mickey balloon under the guise of a sweet little gift but really she uses it as a tracker to know where he’s at at all times if she happens to lose sight of him

Armin

A little girl mistook him as Cinderella and thought he was so pretty lmaooo everyone was making fun of him after that, poor bby

Tries to carefully plan out the day ahead, constantly checking the Disney app to check wait times, arranges when and where they should stop for meals, snacks and hydration stations, and even schedules around shows!!

Checks the gift shops to buy him, Eren, and Mikasa Disney friendship bracelets :’)

His favorite ride in the whole park is Soarin’ and wants to ride ALL the water rides

Whenever he spots a commemorative plaque for a statue or location of the park, he has to stop and read bc the history/story behind it fascinates him. He just likes to know things

Levi

Dad #1 of the group

He has to make sure all his children are in line and none of them get lost

The cast members make him stand up against the “you have to be this tall to ride” board each and every time to make sure that he fits the height requirement

He quickly gets sick of the ridicule and just waits on everyone outside of every ride with all their drinks and toys

The group’s solution to this is to buy Levi a pair of Tinkerbell Mickey Ears to “add height”… he is not amused but he wears them anyway

He and Mikasa take a photo with Snow White and the seven now eight dwarves… “But Levi there is only ONE Grumpy… SMILE!!” “Tch… shut the hell up.”

Erwin

Dad #2 of the group

Has to make sure Dad #1 doesn’t lose his ducking mind

He made matching t-shirts for the entire crew!!! They all say “Survey Corp: Disney World 2022” in glittery letters and everyone’s name is on the back of their shirts. Except his says “Dad #2” and Levi “Dad #1” The emblem on the shirt are the Wings of Freedom and they have Mickey ears on themskskskksks

Also wearing the typical dad fit— khaki shorts with the shirt tucked, New Balance trainers, Fanny pack, and you can see streaks of sunscreen across his nose bc p r o t e c t i o n!

At one point, Connie accidentally falls and scrapes his knee and Daddy Erwin SPRINGS into action, grabbing a Mickey Mouse bandaid from his first aid kit

He takes photos and videos of everything and everyone like the proud dad that he is

Gets Walkie Talkies to be in constant communication with Levi:

Erwin on the walkie, to Levi who is literally only 10 ft ahead of him: I got eyes on Splash Mountain, I’m estimating about a 60 minute wait, should return at 1600 hrs. Over.

Levi, on the walkie, glaring back at Erwin: Fine, but we’re getting something to eat after this is over

Erwin: After this is what, Levi? I didn’t quite get that. Over.

Levi: You heard what I said Erwin, quit playing this shitty game

Erwin: You have to say ‘over’ when you’re finished speaking, Levi, otherwise I won’t hear you. Over.

Levi: EVEN AFTER IVE JUST ENDED THE SENTENCE WITH ‘OVER’ , I SAY IT AGAIN?

Erwin: Say what again? Over.

Levi: …I hate you. Over.

Erwin: No you don’t. Over.

Sasha

Would IMMEDIATELY get a Mickey Pretzel

Then you’d see her double fisting the huge churros. She looks like a Churro walrus as she stuffs her face with both at the same time

The guys eventually have to get her a child leash backpack to keep her from running amok on all the food stands

Also gets a Disney Princess Makeover!!! She gets the Belle transformation. So cute ;u; Nic would be all over her, saying he’s her Prince Adam

Her feet start to hurt from all the walking and wearing the wrong shoes, so Nic’s solution it to get her giant plush Minnie slippers. “ITS LIKE IM WALKING ON CLOUDS HHHHH”

HAS to take a photo kissing Nic in front of Cinderella’s castle <3 (group vomit ensues)

Ofc gets special souvenirs for each of her little siblings and her parents!!

Connie

HAS to get the classic Mickey cap and ears with his name embroidered across the forehead

Forced Sasha to take pictures with him and Chip and Dale and it was the cutest shit ever. Double twinning!! :’)

Then he has Jean take a pic with him in front of Cinderella’s castle doing the “I’m flying, Jack!” Titanic pose. Jean is Jack and Connie is Rose with his arms spread like a bird.

Calls his mom at the end of every day to tell her how much fun he’s having, about all the shows and attractions, the characters he’s met, and the food he’s eat. She’s SOO happy to hear from him but always bugs him to make sure he’s wearing sunscreen, staying safe, and looking out for Sasha and Jean

Jean

Acts totally unimpressed by the Disney Magic but eventually it overcomes him, and by the time they settle in to watch Mickey’s Magic parade and firework show he is SOOOOO pumped

Is one of the first to get drunk at Epcot because he “Drinks Around the World” and then tries to climb to the top of the Epcot globe.

Levi puts an end to that real quick and basically water boards Jean to sober him up

He gets a commemorative collector’s pin both to signify his first trip to Disney World and honor his fallen friend, Marco, who he knows would have LOVED the trip himself. He keeps that pin on his person at all times now

Zeke

He was super excited about this vacation because he saw it as an opportunity to bond with his little brother, and do all the things he would’ve loved to do with Eren if they got to grow up together

When they go to animal kingdom, everytime they come across an ape exhibit or a Jungle Book themed area, the guys point and laugh. “LOOK ZEKE IT’S YOU”

“Damn, it smells like shit in this park… what the fuck, Zeke?”

This quickly grows old and he just becomes pouty the entire time

He and Eren get light sabers in Star Wars land and re-enact a fight scene, light saber sound effects and all; Zeke uses the force to choke Eren. “Eren I am…. Your brother”. “NOOOOO”.

Gets himself a Darth Vader robe and helmet to complete his look

Makes ONE (1) joke to Levi about him being Baby Yoda and damn near lost his front teeth

Reiner

Falls in love with the Cinderella actress and as they’re taking a photo, he actually gets down on one knee to propose to her; she thinks it’s a joke, he does not

Takes lots and lots of photos and gets a ton of souvenirs to give to Gabi and Falco since they weren’t able to come :’)

At one point he FaceTimes his kiddos to show them all the cool stuff they’re missing out on 😭 they get sooooo jealous

This trip actually does wonders for him, being around such uplifting Disney magic, he comes back from the trip with a much sunnier and joyous disposition and everyone can tell. It’s like it healed his severely damaged inner child

And at first his PTSD sorta prevents him from riding some of the rides, but by the end of it he’s calling dibs for all the front row seats on the coasters and having the time of his life

other random hc:

They keep all the photos they take from riding the rides; in all of them, you see Connie and Sasha screaming their damn heads off, Zeke looks like he’s about to puke, Armin may have passed out ones or twice, and the rest are just smiling with their hands up

They get a good laugh out of the ones where someone is making a stupid expression

Everyone is soooo exhausted at the end of the trip and knocked out during the car ride home, except for Sasha who is beggingggggg Erwin to stop at McDonalds for a late night snack

But Sasha we have food at home

The food at home: 🥔🥔🥔🍞🍞🍞

It was definitely a vacation everyone needed. So they could let loose and remember what it was like to have real fun. Everyone’s inner child was healed this trip :’)

Will add more as I think of them :’)

[bonefall]

Tangleburr, Deerfoot, and their Parents

EDIT 2: On 1/30/2023 This post was changed to be accurate to the current version of the rewrite.

So here they are! Lizardstripe, her mate Mudclaw (renamed to Mudfoot in my rewrite because I don’t like major characters having name repeats), Tangleburr, and Deerfoot.

Info below

So in general, I give ShadowClan cats big eyes and very long whiskers, plus a lot of facial hair. Mudfoot and Deerfoot both have a classic ‘shadowstache,‘ a bundle of short whiskers around the mouth. I also wanted Lizardstripe to have green eyes because I always see Tangleburr with that color, and she got a bit of an overbite (which Deerfoot inherited) because there’s not enough cool dentition in Warriors.

Lizardstripe

She’s very, very different from canon. Instead of being just a sour, abusive mother, Lizardstripe is one of Bluestar’s oldest friends and used to sneak out to hang out with her friend group, the Forget-Me-Nots.

Lizardstripe was the first Forget-Me-Not to die, taken out in a battle over the Mothermouth moorland, before Brokenstar took power.

She was a young mother, not ready for the experience nor particularly happy about it, but she did still love her children. When she was bored, she would go on ‘exercises‘ and bring her kittens along, resulting in them being in Yellowfang’s den a lot for scrapes and dings.

She agreed to nurse Raggedstar’s motherless son for him when he still needed milk, but didn’t raise the little guy.

Mudclaw Mudfoot

Wasn’t the best mate, but a decent father. He was particularly close to Deerfoot, passing on many of his skills.

He was one of the best builders the camp had ever seen. They used to joke that he could out-dig a badger and still come back with a rabbit. He died of greencough and general weakness during the last winter of Raggedstar’s reign, shortly after which all three of his kits started to drift apart.

Deerfoot

Inspired by a red stag, I wanted him to look noble, but not in a ThunderClan way. His brow whiskers are thick and brush back like antlers, with a big bushy ‘stache (he’s proud of it. Tangle makes fun of it) and dark paws like hooves.

While he supported Brokenstar at first, it quickly becomes clear that him and Runningnose are bending the code to fit their needs. But, he got the same smarts that his brother Runny did, and learned quickly to shut up and get sneaky. Sure, he’s loyal, sure, he follows orders... to the letter. And the rules didn’t say anything about sneaking a few mice to the exiles. Mice full of herbs. Birds full of messages. Frogs full of rebellion.

He’s principled and honorable. He can have a fair amount of the good old ShadowClan dark humor in his fangs, but he gets tired of nonsense very quickly. He honestly regrets a lot of the things he said as a kit, and gets frustrated that Tangleburr never seemed to grow out of being a bully. After one too many comments that went to far, he stopped talking to her entirely.

They had just begun to reconcile when TigerClan took power, and Tangleburr became a fast loyalist. Deerfoot organized the rebels, just as he’d done before, resisting tyranny at every step. After helping the half-Clan cats escape, he was the only one captured and put on trial. He refused to name his co-conspirators and was brutally executed.

Jaggedtooth, Mosspelt, Dawnflower, and Reedwhisker, just some of the cats who owe their lives to him.

Tangleburr

DUMB! AS!! ROCKS!!!

I needed her to look like the funny little guy she is. She’s a little fluffy. A little chunky. She’s got this little tail and these big teeth and she’s always grinning. Her whiskers twist over each other, tangling at times. Sooo many appearances of her make her brown and white so I decided she needed ALL of the colors. Heterochromia also.

“Think before you speak“ but Tangleburr has never had a thought in her life. She’s all emotion. Swat first and ask questions later. She never has a good idea of boundaries or what the appropriate thing to say is.

In contrast to Deerfoot, Tangleburr was a loud and proud supporter of Brokenstar’s leadership up to the bitter end. She was ready to take over the entire forest, with no regard for how much space ShadowClan could actually use, or the suffering of other clans. After all, they’d never have peace as long as there were borders to battle over. She happily ate up every excuse and loophole Runningnose came up with-- she felt lucky to have such a smart brother and powerful leader!

As you’d expect, this caused a lot of tension between her and Deerfoot. When he cut her off, she blamed him at first for being stuck up all the time. Later, when they reconcile, she comes to realize that she was destroying the clan she loved, and that she’d lost so many clanmates while she’d been gone. When Deerfoot died, Tangleburr was distraught and could only think to keep him alive with her actions

She started asking herself what Deerfoot would have done, letting her paws be guided by his actions. This lead to a strong connection with StarClan (for a warrior, at least) and she became a good friend of Tawnypaw’s. She’s “No good at saying good, wise stuff, but I got two ears and one mouth! If you want a listener, I mean. Yeah.”

I’ve kind of fallen in love with her. Her son is Talonclaw; being saved from the vicious kittypets to help fix the family tree.

[palant1r]

An Incomplete List Of Wrightworth Songs That Unlock Forbidden Emotions

And Some Of Their Lyrics That Most Make Me Want To Lie On The Floor And Yearn

GHOST - INDIGO GIRLS

"Now I see your face before me I would launch a thousand ships To bring your heart back to my island As the sand beneath me slips As I burn up in your presence And I know now how it feels To be weakened like Achilles With you always at my heels"

THE CAVE - MUMFORD AND SONS

HATE THAT YOU KNOW ME - BLEACHERS (ALSO PRETTY MUCH THE ENTIRETY OF THE GONE NOW ALBUM)

45 - BLEACHERS

"Now you're just the stranger that I know best"

'TIS THE DAMN SEASON - TAYLOR SWIFT (SPECIFICALLY, BEANIX HELPING EDGEWORTH WITH CASES IN EUROPE)

"I won't ask you to wait if you don't ask me to stay So I'll go back to L.A. and the so-called friends Who'll write books about me, if I ever make it And wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles I'm fakin' And the heart I know I'm breakin' is my own

To leave the warmest bed I've ever known"

THE RUN AND GO - TWENTY ONE PILOTS

"Don't wanna call you in the nighttime Don't wanna give you all my pieces Don't wanna hand you all my trouble Don't wanna give you all my demons You'll have to watch me struggle From several rooms away"

CANDLE (SICK AND TIRED) - THE WHITE TIE AFFAIR

just. just the entire song. it's about phoenix after edgeworth's note

TO LIVE A LIFE - FIRST AID KIT

"I wrote you a letter To make myself feel better To redeem some part of me I thought I had lost And we were a lost cause Long before we fell apart 'Cause honey, I was too eager And you were too smart"

SUNBURN - OWL CITY

"Oh afterglow, look out below! We'd left a trail of dust behind As we parted ways, she held my gaze, And left an imprint on my mind I tried not to cry as we said goodbye And hung the clouds above my town But I shed a tear when she disappeared 'Cause now I'm a stranger on the ground"