#while seeing an older man
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i’m currently reading little rot and it is queer as fuck and west african as fuck - Akwaeke Emezi is a fucking lightning strike of an author and everything I hope to be. but little rot feels so completely in line with where I’m at in life ESPECIALLY in my pursuit of pleasure shared with other black women and nbs, with poc too. we do not need white people to Queer things up for us, we have always been here. hedonistic and nasty and inventing types of play white queers could never dream of.
overlook that mild overshare to focus on my main point of: I love when you find a piece of media that only means so much because of the point in your life at which it came to you, how easily it can settle into the gaps formed during the process of your becoming.
#like when I start calling an older woman Aunty in the bedroom what then. WHAT THEN#my txt#little rot#bookblr#funny coincidence: I read#you made a fool of death with your beauty#while seeing an older man#like akwaeke you may doing something divine here#11kinkstrings
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The height difference in ITSV vs in ATSV is killing me 😭 Miles and Gwen were so shorter than Peter, now they're almost as tall as him
#i remember back when it was weird for me to see them older now it's weird for me to see them younger feels like it's been decades#they were babies#peter b parker#gwen stacy#miles morales#spider man into the spider verse#into the spiderverse#spider man across the spider verse#across the spiderverse#spiderverse#sick of comments how they're standing in front thats not why they look tall they are taller in the second one they're standing#in front of him in both pics#if you didnt see how much they grew up while you were watching sucks to be blind as you#i chose these pics for a reason cuz they're on the same distance from peter in both#but you can tell they grew
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Draw Merlin looking up challenge: FAILED
#drew that first one while watching the season finale of The Fall with Colin !!#watched that entire show just for him im crazy#loved the relationship between him and Gillian’s character though wish there was more of that because I do love a good cop romance !#can’t believe they gave me another older woman detective with the charming younger man detective again (mare of Easttown)#I didn’t realise I needed to see that again !!#anyway my bad#back to business#Merlin#Merlin Fanart#Colin Morgan#Colin Morgan Fanart#Digital Art#kr_yoongi#also forgive me I work full time and can’t draw when I like anymore so I’m rusty </3
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Jullus???
#ffxiv#sketch#zenos yae galvus#jullus pyr norbanus#adventurer zenos#solus zos galvus#varis zos galvus#the double win of being able to make a ref for myself of older titus- arrecina and hypatia#while also being able to draw out something also only described in one of the short stories#I love jullus but why does this man pocket this photo#its so funny to me#i still hc that zenos moves completely silent if he doesnt have anything metal on him#he gets to join urianger in magically appearing behind people when they least expect it- except with zenos you would see him#literally just walk up#theres just no noise#also dont mind zenos being the most confused man ever#his height gives him the perfect vantage to snoop on whatever people are holding#and just imagine how perturbing it would be seeing someone with some random ass family photo of you one day that they keep on them#even if it was in the newspaper at one point#also zenos is kneeling in the photo#I could not fit him properly in frame in the way it was described without doing it LOL#so I just made it so the youngest of each line has to sit#one way or another#“youngest” -> meanwhile nerva's only two years younger than varis
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My favorite barely ever considered RadioStatic fact is that, like, Alastor died about 20 years younger than Vox, but has been dead, in hell, about that same length of time, so he's both younger AND the same age as Vox. And then we all decided Alastor was Vox's mentor in hell, and never really acknowledge that this fully grown man is just letting this brand-new adult twink boss him around.
But we've decided (I've decided) Vox is usually the babygirl of them both, anyway. This man is in his 50s and so many of us were just like. Nah, he's babygirl. (We're right.)
Its just funny to me to think that one day they talk about the ages they died, and Vox is just like, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE IN YOUR 30s?!?!" bc he's been calling Alastor "daddy" this entire time, and now he has to reconcile the fact that he's significantly YOUNGER than him, lmao.
#hazbin hotel#alastor#vox#radiostatic#staticradio#staticlovetune#hazbin alastor#hazbin vox#every once in a while i see a fic acting like vox is the younger and im like the funny thing is he's not tho#not that i dont write vox the same but its just so fucking funny. this man is in his 50s and he's calling a man who#died barely a full grown adult daddy and following him around like he's his older mentor#mans died 20+ years younger than you he just Acts Like That#and vox just acts like a brat at all times bc he wants his daddy to spank him or something. i don't know. im not him idk why he does it
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"The kid seems scared.
Tip had always been a little nervous. Or at least that was the reality when the two had met.
It was fairly obvious for everyone that met them that the child had not been treated well by their formar guardian and in a way that Elphaba sadly recognized still seemed to afraid of facing the same pain and rejection again.
Still lately the kid seemed more relaxed and open, treating her with the same easiness and earnest they did Jack. More determined to learn than eager to please. Following her around with questions and vibrating with excitement as she turned wooden sticks into dolls and toy swords alike. It made her think of Nessa in a very bittersweet way.
She failed her sister and she would not allow herself to fail another young person she became responsable for.
That's to say Tip's strange turn to the same scared kid she met soon after leaving her behind and being declared and enemy of Oz scared her.
"Miss Elphaba, I have something very serius to tell you."
Maybe they want to leave. They are not in fact different in the same way Elphaba is. Tip is a normal if deeply magical child who just ended up in the care of a horrible woman. Being her aprenticce is actually the only thing turning them into a dangerous and hated figure.
"I understand."
The kid takes a deep breath. Elphaba tries to think on the best words to explain that of course they can leave if they want to and that they can take as many provisions as they need. Tip will never again be a prisioner.
"I don't think I am a boy? Wait no. I know I'm not a boy. Like the idea of it is still a bit scary because it seems like it will be a big deal but I'm fairly sure I'm a girl actually. I just never though about it before but Jack called me she accidentaly and it just makes sense. I am still the same Tip and please let me keep being your aprentice." She says in a single breath.
"What?"
The girl looked scared. "I'm a girl." She says. Than in a smaller voice. "I can try to be a boy if you want?" It does not appear to be something she wants and the fact she still sugests it breaks Elphaba's heart a little.
"Oh! Oh. No, no, that's fine. Do you want to be called something else?"
Her eyes go huge and she stops deep in thought before answring.
"Uh. I guess so, but I'm still thinking on it. I don't mind Tip for now."
"Okay, tell me when it changes?"
"Will do."
"Anything else?"
Tip looks a bit shy for half a second before a excited smile covers her face. "Could you let me borrow a dress?"
Elphaba laughts.
"You are too tiny for my dresses, kid. But I can help you magic one for yourself. "
Her eyes shine. "Cool!"
[...]
"Morrible says you'll marry some prince soon." Dorothy says making a face.
"I don't see why you are soo distraught, my dear, I'm pretty sure she'll find me a great prince." Glinda says with false cheer.
"I doubt it. Princes are all very dull."
"Met many princes did you?" She jokes lightly, trying to find a way to change the subject. She loves the kid dearly and for all it's bleak consequences will always be glad the tornado ended up bringing the girl into her life but she would preffer not to discuss those subjects. Specially not in her own bedroom in a rare moment of relaxation.
"Well no." The girl pouts. "But most boys are dull and I can't imagine liking to marry even the ones that aren't. I guess I just thought you were the same? I'm sorry."
"No need to apologize. And I sure hope marriage is unimaginable for you, you are way to young for it."
The girl smiles a tiny bit before frowning.
"I can imagine myself marrying a girl one day."
"Oh!" Is all Glinda says.
"I told Aunt Em once she told me to never say it again, she told me I was too young. But I'm ten now and I feel the same. " Dorothy rarely talks about home, sometimes Glinda tricks herself into beliving it is because her the kid just loves Oz better, that she forgot all about it, but she knows deep down that Dorothy will always miss Kansas, always miss her uncle and aunt and Toto, she just accepted home as a place she'll never return to. In the good days Glinda knows Dorothy would also miss Oz, would miss her munchkin friends and mostly would miss being Glinda's apprentice. In the better days she thinks about bringing Dorothy's family here. After all Kansas always seems sad and hungry. "Girls don't marry each other in Kansas." She continues. "But I though maybe they did here. "
"I think they do everywhere, Dorothy, is just some people pretend they don't because the different scares them."
"Like the Wizard and the animals?"
Glinda had only recently convinced Dorothy to only speak her very dangerous beliefs on the Wizard in private and even there she sometimes corrected the kid. But right now it felt too much like liying to Elphaba she couldn't do it, not when she knew Dorothy to be right.
"Yeah. Just like that."
And after a second she adds.
"Between us, I would also like to marry a woman".
Dorothy smiles, just a little bit.
[...]
She knows she should not be here.
But it's fun, she likes the dancing and the food and the small chance of going back home with something that can actually help Elphie. Maybe a magical item or even just some usefull information.
Besides the girl she is talking to is very pretty and fun and smart and she is not open about it but she's definitivaly not the biggest fan of the Wizard either. Oh and a great dancer.
"I'm sorry" the girl says "but I think I did not catch your name?"
Now it's the moment to say something clever like 'i never gave it to you' or maybe just invent some fake name. She can't say her name. It's too easy of a conection to make. But she doesn't need to lie. After all it was never really her name. And she has a name now. Has had it for days and just keept it a secret in some weird form of fear. But it felt like time. She would tell it to Elphie and Jack when she went back.
"Ozma. I'm Ozma. What's yours?"
[...]
Dorothy had never had so much fun at a party before. Her new friend was the most beutifull girl she ever met and the funniest and cleverest and it had never felt so easy to talk to someone before. In fact the only thing Ozma didn't appear to be was a good dancer but Glinda had teached Dorothy well and she found herself leading the other girl steps into the best dance she ever had.
She noticed Ozma did not gave any surname but it was not her place to pry. She just hoped to mert the girl again.
"Dorothy." She says and takes the hand. For a second she considers continuing in the way she was instructed to (Dorothy Upland at your pleasure and a kiss to the hand) but while she loves Glinda that's not really her. And she somehow trusts Ozma enough to be honest. "Dorothy Gale." She shakes the hand just like Uncle Henry used to.
#this is silly#please someone that can actually wrote do something with it for me#wicked au#dorothy gale#ozma of oz#wicked#elphaba thropp#galinda upland#glinda the good witch#elphaba the wicked witch#glephie#ozma sees elphie like an older sister#while Dorothy sees glinda as a mentor#they are not really parents even if sometimes they fill the role#glephie are in their early to mid 20s and they migh want to be parents but they have no skill#in my head when they met Dorothy is ten and Ozma is eleven#and elphaba mets Ozma at eight while Glinda meets Dorothy at seven#so there was 3 years after the end of act one act two would be 5 years after when Dorothy is 12 c#i wrote Ozma based on my own experiences#but i am a trans man so if any trans woman finds Ozma to not be well writen please tell me and I'll try to correct it#the wizard of oz#also i just re read to try to somewhat beta#and this is NOT anti fiyero#i love him#he is not part of the ship dinamic but him acting as dorothys dad is an hc that lives rent free in my head#the princes are dull conversation is not an attack on him#is just how dorothy as a young child from the 30s that had heteronirmativity forced into her sees the world#she didn't even met fiyero at this point cause Glinda tries to avoid contact with her old class as to not think about elphie#jack pumpkinhead
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Do you guys ever think about the fact that we got to see Maya Fey at a point in time where she's older than Mia was when she died... do you ever think about younger siblings who grow older than their older siblings... who get a glimpse of how it felt for their sibling to be that age... and that their older sibling will always feel older and more mature in their memories, even as they're perpetually stuck as the age they died in while their younger sibling gets to surpass them in years and life experience... do you ever think about that and cry...
#ace attorney#maya fey#mia fey#maya was around 28 in aa6 while mia died when she 27... just for reference...#do you ever think abt maya at age 27-28 looking in the mirror and seeing mia? or better yet phoenix who has always seen a bit of mia#in maya looking at her during their reunion in aa6 and seeing even more of mia in the woman standing before him... bc i would go crazy#thinking abt that for too long#idk man im an older sibling and the thought of my younger sibling one day outliving me makes me cry... although god forbid they go out firs#if that happens im killing them again just to revive them they dont get to do that to me the little bastard (affectionate).#theyre not leaving me alone on this god damned mortal plane
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so here's my honest thoughts on dragon age: the veilguard, after ~40 hours of playing. i finished the main quest after having finished all companion quests and major faction quests. just to clear up what content i saw, i played as an elven transmasc rook who is a member of the lords of fortune. he romanced lucanis (although after finishing the game i'm now leaning towards taash). i don't know what's happening in playthroughs that have a different race, gender identity, romance or faction going on.
full spoilers ahead, i mean it. don't read further if you want to avoid them. i don't want complaining about it in my asks.
oh and also, if you're worried because of a few negative reviews online i can comfort you by saying don't give a fuck about a certain big name youtuber who is very much tied to bethesda franchises giving this a negative review. i'll explain why.
i'm starting off with the things i liked
the game looks really pretty. i was worried it wouldn't feel like thedas anymore (with them trying to "focus on northern thedas only" i thought they'd make a clear cut in environmental design. they do and they don't. it's complicated. i'll elaborate on it when talking about the negative stuff). anyway it does. minrathous feels like kirkwall. treviso enchanted me like the winter palace did. the hossberg wetlands reminded me of the hinterlands and a couple other inquisition maps. arlathan looked like... arlathan. the crossroads were different, but familiar. overall i like the way it looks and feels. it's thedas, with a twist. it's a good one, and gives everything a solid but unique feel.
combat is top tier. if you're a hardcore dragon age player you WILL miss the tactical aspect of it for a bit, but i promise you, once you're used to the way the combat works, you will be lapping that shit up. and once you get to ability combos you'll mourn the control you used to have over your companions in battle a bit less
the MAIN quest and its story. i expected worse, way worse. and for a while the game even had me tricked (harr harr you'll get it in a second) it is Really That Much Worse. but holy shit was it good. i walked away satisfied ngl.
your choices have SOLID weight. there's consequences, good AND bad. i got minrathous blighted, ruled over by venatori, and the leader of the shadow dragons ultimately died because of my decisions. i made those at the beginning and throughout the game. he died at the end. DAVRIN died because i didn't expect what i was saying to have that much weight. i thought i was in the clear. he had hero status. well turns out, your choices can still get your companions killed even if you do everything right. i fucking love him. he shouldn't have made that sacrifice just because i told him to do everything it takes once.
the inquisitor, morrigan and dorian being there, surprisingly. there's also negatives to this though, see below.
speaking of companions dying and the inquisitor playing a bigger role: the final quest feels like me2's suicide mission. i was blown away by it and the fact that i got to see the results of all my efforts playing out in front of me.
bioware are NOT trying to redeem solas. they love him as a character yes, but i wasn't forced to see any good in him. he betrays you. he fucked my rook over twice. he fucked him over right back, for good this time (the veil wasn't torn down, i anchored it by binding him to it, he's doomed to uphold it). but solas really lives up to his name as the trickster elven god. rip to all the people who grew really attached to him over the years.
varric died. if you like him that's probably as hard reading it as it was watching it. varric died and the game lies about it until the very end. when the realisation hits, it hurts. but in the very best way.
the amount of care they put into gender expression and trans identities this time around. (i'll add onto this with negative points as well too).
rook feels very much ingrained in the world of thedas. he doesn't ask questions that expose the player to lore through dialogue as if he's stepped foot into thedas for the first time. those conversations feel very solid and good. i hope other faction players got as much joy out of this as i did.
and the things i didn't like and boy there's a lot unfortunately
the music. let's just get that out of the way holy shit. it doesn't feel like it belongs in this universe. it gets so incredibly sci-fi-y at times you'd think it's taken straight from mass effect andromeda. there's not a single song unique to veilguard that i really enjoyed. it broke my immersion, real bad. hearing a busker play the tavern songs from inquisition on a lute right after i killed some venatori with wobbly bass songs playing in the background is just odd. weird tonal shift. don't like it. it's made for people who like flashy light-weight cinema.
tevinter nights is required reading. the podcasts are required listening exercises. the game is so fast paced, especially at the start, that there's no time to introduce you to characters and how much weight their names carry in-game. i would not have known who half these people are if i hadn't skimmed over tevinter nights. i'd care even less about them than i already did. there is no time to get properly attached to them. people will act as if you're talking to a legend personified and you'll be thinking man goddamn which chapter of tevinter night were they in again and what did they do???
there's a weird mismatch with the animations. you'll have beautifully fluid ones, like emmrich casting spells. and then you'll have rook's face animating in the most unnatural manner that's sorta reminiscent of mass effect andromeda's "my face is tired" addison, when their emotions SHOULD be landing with the player rn instead.
i'm not vibing with the art style. sometimes it works. most of the time it doesn't. at points i felt like i was watching tangled.
that also brings me to some of the dialogue. same issue. i am watching frozen. i am watching tangled. someone on the writer's team really likes the adorkable trope. bellara is its victim.
for all the talk about identity, bioware sure doesn't like theirs. the grey warden armor got a redesign again and it just makes them look like a generic army. i hate it lol
in general, i don't like the armor design. the wardrobe/appearances system is fine, but it's just not helping if all the armors are just... kinda bland or downight bad looking? and don't get me started on the lords of fortune armor. that is orientalism personified.
the world states should have been carried over, full stop. i know they said they didn't because they want to separate what happens in the north from what happens in the south, which... i could have lived with that. but the inquisitor sends you letters that keep you up to date on... the south of thedas. you learn that there's a blight again, that people are standing strong but it's difficult, denerim's fallen, the rulers are taking care of it, orlais is fighting and they're successful for a while, etc etc. what's good bioware. i thought we don't care about the south this time around. why are you feeding me so much boring generic information. if you're not gonna show any of it and just write letters, then carrying the world state over should not have been an issue. i have a game dev background. those few lines of code would not have broken your budget or pushed your engine's limits. fuck right off.
this gripe of mine carries over to all the cameos. as a lord of fortune you have to deal with isabela a lot. it's fun. i missed her. you get to go drinking with her and taash and bellara! also my hawke romanced her. she's not mentioned once. they had the opportunity to put a sentence or two about her in there with not a lot of effort, trust me.
when varric dies, all she has is a single line about it. for gold, for fortune, for varric. she only says it if you interact with her on your way to the final push. that's not mandatory.
morrigan is there. kieran isn't. the old god soul that mythal and then solas absorbed? who cares at this point, the gods are dead now and solas is locked away for eternity. i suppose? why is morrigan there. she feels unneeded. i wish they'd just left her down south, at least that way i wouldn't have had to witness her god awful redesign.
dorian at least feels as if he belongs in this story. the shadow dragons are a crucial part to protecting minrathous. he's also weirdly underutilised. isabela and morrigan had more lines than him in my playthrough.
on the topic of romance: bro that was underwhelming. no, genuinely. you know when romance picked up a bit? after the point of no return. i heard maybe two lines of companion banter about it before that. maybe i missed something which i honestly doubt, but romance did not play much of a role in lucanis's storyline. i saved his grandmother as he wished me to (and if you read tevinter nights you know she was rather abusive and their relationship not the healthiest) and told him to focus on his family. a reunified family my rook wasn't even introduced to as a partner at the end of all that.
really, do not buy this game if you're only in it for the romances. others might be better, lucanis's basically gave me nothing. except for an outing (the second coffee date i had with him, it was getting repetitive) all of it played out once i committed to the final quest. the sex scene was a fade to black. annoyingly right after davrin died. if you're looking for well paced and good spice, pick up something else. the sweet talk and the final goodbye were nice though.
for all the good the ever-presence of gender identity does, it is brought up in such a disruptive manner too. it doesn't even play out naturally if you CHOOSE the lines that are meant to be said. hearing the words trans and non-binary in this setting doesn't feel right, and i'm saying this as a trans guy. i think it could have been handled more gracefully. the amount of times my rook went "i'm a MAN" as if he's about to start drumming on his chest and roaring any second now got super nerve-grating. "i'm so glad you're into me... the me who is trans. remember?" just. tell me one trans person who'd talk like that to a person they've grown close with and are trying to romance. this game doesn't handle sexuality well, so all this hey my body might not look like the way you're expecting it to look talk amounts to nothing anyway. i feel about this the way i feel about krem: this is partial exposition to trans experiences... packaged up for cis consumption. the ONLY exception to that is interacting with taash. holy shit was all of that heartwarming and bro did it feel good and natural to talk to them about theirs and rook's gender.
rivain and nevarra are new locations added by veilguard. they're also incredibly underwhelming, small and constricted maps. rivain is a coastline with a few ruins. the hall of valor is a partial ruin nestled into a cave on a beach, with a fighting pit. isabela is there in her skimpy outfit commentating your pit fights. that's it. i'm sorry if you were looking for a bustling pirate cove or whatever. you're not gonna get it. the nevarran crypts btw are a long ass dungeon crawl. that's it.
speaking of maps. i thought people were being dramatic when they said you're gonna be fighting the same enemies on them again and again. i thought they were figure of speeching it. they're not. you WILL fight the same amount of enemies. in the same spot. every time you reload the map. best to stay on a map and clear out the enemies and do as much questing on that map as you can before leaving, because you WILL have to do it all over again once you return.
the three choices i made for my inquisitor didn't matter lol she didn't have to face solas and therefore couldn't stop him at any cost as she had sworn (maybe because my rook tricked solas into binding himself to the veil, there was also an option to fight him. would she have stepped in? who knows). blackwall wasn't mentioned. and either her using a small amount of her forces in the final fight was the reason the civilians of minrathous fared so well..... or it just didn't matter. ultimately i think she had very little impact on anything
#datv#datv spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard#oh wow i hit a limit typing this#anyway to tie this up a bit: the good and bad to the environmental design being that well-known architecture like minrathous and dwarven#ruins look fire and remind me a lot of the previous games#but newly added locations are very... generic... very bland#i was very excited for rivain. i thought we'd get to see ships. not a bunch of ruins and a fighting pit and that's it#and why did i say to ignore a certain guy's review? bro because he was complaining about taash being ace and that taking up their screentim#and them being too up in your face about their identity. he did all this while she/her'ing them constantly#but my man they're trans. nb. not ace.#y'all need to be careful about bad reviews. they're coming from people who are upset about gender identity being handled as a topic in this#game. meanwhile they have no clue what they're even talking about. i don't think matty knows the difference between ace and trans#and neither do the hundreds of people who are one star rating this game currently#i liked this game. it's not top tier. it's not something i'll sink hours and hours and hours of my life into#it has tonal issues and it's moving away from what made dragon age stand out for me#but i do think that it's a genuinely fun play and people who are very invested in dragon age will squeeze joy out of it wherever they can#i had a hard time warming up to the new characters (taash and lucanis being the exception because they have an older bioware air about them#but solas's and varric's story (and don't get me wrong that's what veilguard is about) is GOOD. that is how bioware used to be.#and i wish they'd given us that energy all over the game. that direness. that grit. serious and mature writing.#that consistency is lacking#and whether you're gonna enjoy this game or not is entirely dependant on what you came here for and how well the game delivers on it#i think their weakest points are ironically the thing they advertised the most: the new companions and their writing#you won't find nuanced and good enemies here (i already reblogged something about this. you can go scroll around a bit and catch up on that#really the only thing that had me super invested and emotional was the main quest.#so make of that what you will. ultimately i was more frustrated with the game than i got enjoyment out of it. i was close to just put it#aside for now... until i went to minrathous to end ghila'nain's and elgar'nan's ritual. that all blew me away. still on a high off of it.#anyway yeah that review got cut short by the character limit maybe i'll add more to it tomorrow but rn... i am heading to bed#thanks for coming to my ted talk. also i'm sorry. zevran REALLY isn't in this.#dragon age
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snap's uber cringe vampire cherik rambling !!!!!! read at your own risk of charles/erik origins But If They Were Vampires and more !!!!
very simple makeshift vampire age map for the sake of understanding this vague timeline i have (hint: just multiply by ten) this is all subject to change because time is mean and im indecisive
infancy - 0 - 40
childhood - 50 - 120 years
adolescence - 130 - 170 years
emerging adulthood - 180 - 240 years
older adulthood - +250 years
elderly - +700 years
about dhampirs: they're not immortal like vampires, they just have a (much) longer life expectancy than humans (they really are just like 'weaker' vampires in this, only possessing half of their strengths and weaknesses)
'what's our time period' EXCELLENT question brother.
jk i think the main events will be set victorian-edwardian period (1850's-1910's) but charles and erik are at least a couple centuries old- probably born amidst the late 1500's (1580's-90's more specifically), maybe meet during the 1800's
charles' profile
charles heralds from a wealthy vampire family whos had their influence in england for centuries (maybe established roots during the 5th century), the general public none the wiser to their vampirism. at most there's rumors, but the family's charismatic enough to keep the murmurs at bay
brian is like. a little less evil to charles in this timeline. most of their time together being brian teaching charles how to run the family's business and whatever else vampires do to balance the life of a vampire and a human. at most, brian emotionally neglects charles as he stays vigilant in ensuring the xavier family can prosper for centuries. sharon xavier would be the one to instill all that is good and human in charles despite her own vampirism (most likely turned by brian before they had charles)
brian xavier is murdered by human kurt marko once the latter figures out his vampirism right before europe's widespread vampire hysteria (so maybe late 1600's)- not for any heroic purposes but so he can steal the xavier family's wealth of course.
he holds the xavier's vampiric origins over them until his eventual death (maybe early 1700's).
considering the idea charles' accidentally summons a pack of wolves to the house during a heated moment and they tear him apart- maybe kurt tries to protect cain and charles idk. charles wouldn't realize he caused this until much later while learning about his vampirism, BUT im still chewing on this so don't take this as 100% canon to this au.....
kurt never discloses the true nature of the xaviers to cain while he's alive, but as the boys grow older cain figures it out for himself and decides to dedicate his life to hunting down charles- how much of it is to rid the world of one less vampire or to vent the unhappiness he experienced growing up in the xavier household onto his brother is unclear
while kurt was alive, he experiments on charles in an attempt to understand his vampirism in an attempt to achieve eternal life without the drawbacks of vampirism. but i mean how good can your science be: evidently he fails vjELKJALKJ
as an adult, charles is curious about his own vampirism as he attempts to live amongst humans and perhaps help them (maybe not give them eternal life but at least how to extend life). he doesn't seek to 'cure' himself, only figure out how his biology works to live comfortably and safely: after all, there must be a reason as to why he was born this way, he reasons
he pursues a life of medicine to do this and along the way meets moira mctaggart (around late 1700's/early-1800's), a scientist working closely with the occult and isolated from general society. after some time, he reveals he's a vampire to her and they effectively become partners to further understand vampirism (but not romantic partners)
most of their work concerns why vampires 'need blood' and how to find a suitable substitute ('surely it's not blood itself that satiates vampires but a property within it?'), but they also look to find out why vampires can be weak in the sunlight and why they appear immortal (aka: they're purely scientific in their approach to the vampire phenomena instead of thinking it's magical, charles reasoning that vampires are just humans with a type of evolved biology. time will tell if he's right or wrong in this approach, and brother he has plenty of time)
erik's/max's profile
compared to the house of xavier, the house of eisenhardt- while not as wealthy- still maintained some sort of reputation in east prussia. however, the news of their vampirism easier leaks amidst the mid-1700's heightened paranoia of vampires (probably a domino affect of the rumor of Renowned Xaiver Family being one of vampires expanding after kurt's death), and he finds himself to be the only survivor amidst the violence against his family
fleeing further east and with the benefit of his youthful visage despite his real years, max has no problem using his intelligence and experience to find work to support himself and manages life alone until he eventually meets magda (maybe around the same time charles meets moira, 1790's). with her being human, it isn't long until she and max introduce little dhampir anya into the world
he tells magda of his vampiric origins (after all, if they were going to have a baby it'd prob be best to let her know the baby's gonna be part vampire right..), but whether it's disbelief or not fully grasping the implications of such, magda accepts and loves him. max vows never to feed off his wife, mostly feeding off hunted animals to satisfy himself
for a while, max was content to live in relative solitude with his family: he wouldn't bother the humans, and in turn they shouldn't bother him. but soon enough (talking Ten Years Later soon enough), the true nature of max and his family is uncovered in the quaint town they lived in, and history threatens to repeat itself as a growing mob attempts to torch their home. they can't succeed before max makes a bloody example of the mob- a display that frightens magda and has her flee with anya in her arms. that would be the last time max sees his wife and child. he effectively repurposes the site of where he lost his family as a quaint memorial to them and the grounds remain relatively untouched bar his annual visits (the common people more often rumoring it to be cursed as a result)
max would change his name to 'erik lehnsherr' as a way to bury his past and move on with his new, less-human-sympathetic life. uttering his real name weakens his power if not strips them away for some time entirely, so he's greatly secretive to who he tells it to (spoilers: he never tells anyone). he spends most of his time alone in his castle, going out at night to feed off late-night wanderers in nearby cities
as for wanda and pietro, debating on exactly what to do with them and if they're blood related to erik or not. considering having pietro be a dhampir that maintained his superspeed while wanda's still just a witch. not sure what to do about lorna either. at the very least, if they do live with erik, he's greatly protective and overbearing about them (a possible blend of keeping them close to use their might against humans, and not wanting to lose any more of his family)
The Part People Are Here For charles and erik interacting
How Do They Meet wow great questions today !!!
around 1810's, probably during one of erik's Feeding Nights he bumps into charles and attempts to make dinner of him, charles at this point passing far too easily as a regular human. the ensuing encounter/fight eventually leads to charles having to reveal himself also to be a vampire (probably as a result of having to resort to using telepathy to keep erik at bay and thereafter explaining himself)
despite the rocky start, neither can hide the fact they're ecstatic about meeting another vampire and become fast friends. Yknow. After overlooking the Sorry I Tried To Eat You part
so now charles spends his mornings with moira and his humanly duties and at night he sometimes spends time at erik's abode and with his children (if i decide they live with him of course).
moira can't ignore the way charles lights up when talking about erik (and how could she: even if he was candid with her about his experiences, it was an entirely different feeling talking to another vampire who already understood- and perhaps understood better). as such, she doesn't let charles forget erik could potentially be a danger- something charles can't forget if he wanted to (see again: them meeting the first time. still, he chooses to believe in the better parts of erik)
of course charles tries to dissuade erik from seeing humans as purely food or menaces and encourages him to work alongside himself to find more 'ethical' ways to be a vampire, but of course erik is resistant to the idea and at times admonishes charles for his thinking.
Everyone's Favorite Part: The Divorce
for a while- maybe five years- erik isn't aware of moira's existence. but on a night charles neglects to visit him he spots the pair walking to moira's home. following them, he's quick to discover moira's lab and realizes charles has been cooperating with a human this whole time (how much had he told her about erik? how much of their weaknesses did he expose to her? why wouldn't he tell erik about moira sooner if she wouldn't be an issue?)
enraged, erik doesn't wait for an explanation as he barges into the small shack and barks accusations of betrayal at charles. it only gets worse when moira is puzzled that charles didn't tell erik about her when he was more than happy to tell her about erik, only reaffirming erik's suspicions charles was attempting to doom vampires as a whole
what happens next im still up in the air about, but it'll be how charles loses the use of his legs in this universe
scenario a is while erik and charles brawl in moira's shack, she hurls holy water onto erik and disfigures his face. while he's down, she attempts to throw more holy water on him to at least give her and charles more time to escape only for charles to shield him at the final moment. while he's mostly unharmed, his legs get burnt as he pushes erik out of the way and finds he isn't able to regenerate the damaged limbs
scenario b is moira still gets erik with the holy water, however charles drags them out of the shack and tries to break for the nearest town. unfortunately, during their escape erik finds one of moira's silver-tipped crossbows (or something to that affect: still deciding if he should have control over magnetism in this but Details Details) and shoots charles in the spine ultimate style. going off the myth silver is Not Good for all 'unholy' and dead creatures of course, charles' nervous system isn't properly able to regenerate for Above Mentioned Reasons (his body's so 'dead' the antibacterial properties of silver eat away at him). the cruel irony of it all really (or silvery... heh.. metal...)
as a result of being burned by the holy water, erik would wear his helmet more often- at least until he feeds off enough humans to regenerate the damaged tissue (note: only human blood can restore holy-artifact-induced wounds, which means charles won't regain the use of his legs because of his refusal to consume human blood)
either way, once she and charles escape erik and relocate, moira stays with him for some time- at least long enough for charles to get used to his new way of life without his legs and figure out what they should do next, maybe two-three years. eventually, charles and moira agree it might be safer to work apart from each other and effectively split. probably leads to charles moving to america to keep an eye on vampires on the other side of the globe while moira keeps an eye on europe
after the encounter with moira and charles, erik becomes more active and now seeks out other vampires (or humans to turn into vampires), fully intending on converting the world to become a vampire's (and hell why not monsters in general) paradise
Things to iron out
the difference between animal and human blood
Whats the benefit to drinking human blood: is it tastier? More nutritious? Evidently its restorative properties are more potent for vampires than animal blood
Maybe more animal blood is needed to supplement human blood (i.e. one human may need the blood of- say- five pigs or something yk what i mean)
Maybe its possible for a vampire to live off animals only, it’d just be more difficult and they might not be as physically strong as vampires who feed off humans
Would they eventually cave into craving human blood? Is it a conscious effort to Not feed off humans? Curious….
Perhaps moira tests the effects of human vs animal blood on charles, offering blood from her arm both directly from her and extracted first to then drink. He cant argue its wrong if she’s offering for science no…. Its For Science Charles its ok…
Another thing i want to solidify is time period: on one hand i wanna do this modern-ish period but im also thinkin bout the 14th century…. Shrug i still have a lot of finer details In General ill work out with myself. For now it’ll prob remain around 1700’s-1900’s
A final minor thing i wanna work on is erik’s ‘real’ name and his name situation in general, mostly how magda knew him. Maybe changes his name to ‘erik lehnsherr’ after the eisenhardt incident, and goes by ‘magnus’ after magda, her knowing him as ‘erik’ while charles mostly knows him as ‘magnus’. ‘Count magnus’…. Hm…. Dunno if i wanna reintroduce ‘magneto’ into this or not …… ill figure it out at some point …
Perhaps other vampires and dhampirs saying his real name doesn’t negatively affect him and it’s strictly only if humans/non-vampires say it
#long post#cherik#vampire au#man i guess jgLEEJALKEJ#snap chats#ok there thats the vampire au footnotes#see this why i didnt just leave this as a tag ramble For Once i have too many thoughts for that jLVKEJLKJA#sorry i made erik a villain again </3 couldnt be helped...#erik and charles are a little older during their respective Childhood Fucked moments#like i think i have erik closer to being a teenager than a little boy when he loses his family#and charles is closer to teenage years when brian is killed#i thought about including david since i'm including erik's kids but Shrug....#maybe charles meets gaby in america... or maybe he goes back to europe trying to reconcile with erik etc etc..#i COULD have this Again be ultimate style where david is moira's son but i want her and charles to just be friends#or at least. not have a child together vJKELJAEKL#maybe they tried to date at one point but it was just awkward and were like This Aint Gonna Work Out... shrug... we're better as friends...#anyway this was fun to type up if you read any of this thank you... i hope you enjoy my random rambling feel free to ask questions or add o#this is very rough and Blah and just what i thought of while falling asleep last night jveLKLAKJG#i will probably never mention this au again unless you guys bring it up im really bad at aus vjELKJEKAELJ
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"Cuhut it out- you guys!" "Nu-uh, not until you're all perked up first! You don't want those gym challengers meetin' with an ol' mopey leader, do ya?" "Whitney's right, dear friend. No need to hide that beautiful smile of yours, alright?~"
What it takes to cheer up Johto's beloved ghost boy 👻💕
#some incredibly self-indulgent fluff for my own sake SKJDFSNDFS#Morty was having one of Those days where the weight of his responsibilities as leader and expectations as someone meant to bring back Ho-Oh#-felt a little too heavy to handle (more so than usual)#luckily his best friends (and mayhaps crush of nearly an entire decade) are here to take a stand against his low mood 🤼#I've been having brainrot of Whitney's dynamics with these two alrighttttt they all deserve to be silly with each other#best wingman award goes to this girlie for putting up with these two's mutual pining antics for years sdkfjskjdfh#the way I see it Morty and Whitney were besties way back before they had even become leaders (with Morty being the older between them)#there were definitely rumors going around between their towns about how they're an item#when the reality is that Whitney's more focused on winning the affections of the other cute girls she hangs out with#while Morty's a repressed gay lad burdened with religious guilt SDJFHUISJDNFS /LH /LH#the second Whitney caught wind of Morty actually developing a crush on someone you just Know she was on his ass Immediately#asking about aaall the details--who he is- what he does- how he dresses- if he could even conceivably pass her standards of how a--#--fitting partner for her best friend's meant to be#to which an incredibly exasperated Morty struggles to answer because Eusine is just beyond his comprehension /affectionate#when Whitney does eventually get to meet him in person the first time she most certainly takes a jab at his fashion sense SDKJFSDFNS#BUT they do end up getting along a lot better than Morty braced for- which was a huge relief to him#it soon reaches that point where Eusine's secretly asking her for details on the things Morty likes and how to possibly impress him#all the while Morty's asking her for advice on how he could cope with his feelings when he's still unsure on whether they'd be requited#Whitney finds the whole ordeal simultaneously very funny and perhaps one of the most frustrating things imaginable SDKJFSKDNFS#enough of me yapping thouuughhhhhh I should save that for its own post 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️#pokemon tickle#gym leader morty#morty pokemon#gym leader whitney#whitney pokemon#mystery man eusine#eusine pokemon#eusine#lee!morty#ler!eusine
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EDOLISSE AND VARRICK
These Hands, If Not Gods by Natalie Diaz | Still from When A Man Loves (1927) | Snippet from Richard Siken's "Crush" | Still from Lodger (???) | Poem from Margaret Atwood's "You are Happy"
#a lot of references to religion though that's probably mostly on Edolisse's part#I imagine Edolisse and Varrick's attraction to each other is a little superficial in the beginning#she's clearly a very pretty twenty something and Varrick doesn't want to hold her back#Rabbitt themselves said that Varrick is worried about getting involved with the LDB due to not wanting to burden them#On Edolisse's end she's only really hung up on her past relationships#Her late husband and the nature of his death is still a fresh wound that takes a long time to heal#So they really start to relate to each other when they talk about their pasts and their previous partners#Both their previous partners had been killed and they both sort of blame themselves for it#Though most of Edolisse's partners have died so she's terrified something will take Varrick away from her too#It takes awhile but she starts to see his strength#both physical and mental strength#she starts to get comfortable with the idea of being with him then falls hopelessly in love with him#While they don't have an extremely long life ahead of them (Varrick is an older man after all) Edolisse is determined to make it last#web weaving#The credits to the other quotes are in the images themselves and I am LAZY#WickVeil#Edolisse Wickham#Varrick Veil#tes v skyrim#tesblr#At this point I feel a little bad for clogging up the Varrick's tag with my bullshit :(((#I JUST THINK OF THEM A LOT OKAY?
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If I have energy I want to draw out some designs for an au I'm spontaneously writing.
(Medieval times, there's a Prophecy. Nightmare rules over this kingdom and is supposed to complete this prophecy, he refuses to because it would harm the people. Dream was sent away and banished by Night because he was dis-illusioned into thinking the prophecy was a Good Thing abd what he was raised to complete. Night collected his Knights (Killer, Dust, Horror, and Cross most recently) and trains them and tells them the truth of the prophecy. They're loyal to him. One day the magic of the prophesy (Apple Magic) leaves Nightmare unexpectedly, returning him to the state he was in before he accepted the mantle. This puts a target on his back and gives Dream a huge advantage in maybe making a comeback. The Knight's decide that their King (newly a young lad and variably scared and frightened) must be protected and they run the kingdom as he normally would, while also ensuring he survives and that the prophecy can't be completed.)
#yes this is fueled from RealAge AU vibes#and yes I technically have circled back around to my own initial post but like#the visual of these specific guys who've had various hardships in their lives suddenly like... idk... gaining a purpose and a protector in#Nightmare then seeing him reduced to a fraction of what they'd known him as. and still deciding to follow and care for him?#this au gives off distinct Older Brother energy because Night is like... 13-ish and not young enough to#baby but not old enough to resume his duties immediately#and he's got this like... awkward teen anxiety suddenly flooding through him that he doesn't know how to cope with#so the guys turn around and use lessons Night taught them while they adjusted to help him#Night's weak from Magic-loss? well he used to make sure Dust got bed rest and a meal so that's what we'll do!#Night is losing a huge chunk of his autonomy? They found a hobby for Killer so what does Night like?#just... yeah#plus Dream fully believes his bro pushed him out due to greed for power and had gathered forces to rally with him during exile#so he's the returned golden prince#and I imagine here that the final stand involves the knights scattering to stop Dream's forces while Killer stays with Night (<- most loyal)#and Killer hides Night right before Dream shows#and Dream says a bunch of vitriolic stuff about how Night ran and sacrificed his men and such and cuts down Killer with a near fatal blow#and Night finally manages to get out of wherever Killer stashed him and there's a moment where#Dream is seeing his little brother abd Night is seeing the man who lost his rights to be called brother when he attacked his Knights#and like... idk man#also Error is definitely Night's court magician/wizard because he bends reality in ways it really shouldn't#and here Error is younger because. i. I like the idea of an Errormare subplot but also like. the idea of scary spooky Overlord NM looking at#the wizard who just turned a vase inside out who's like 10 and learning he's a runaway and sponsoring him? yeah that's silly.#turns out Apple Night appreciated Error's raw talent. after the fact Night realizes he admires Error. insane tonal whiplash from his Knights#who have Zero protocol for courtships and kinda like. just watch it happen after the chaos is over#Okay that's all. i need to do my homework
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I wish cats were like dogs where you could take them to a cat park or kitty daycare or on a playdate and let them run around with other hyper energetic kittens for several hours and then you bring them back home and they're so played out that they're just chill the rest of the day. Astrid is in her preteen phase now and she has the most violent destructive zoomies of any cat I've ever seen. Our older male cat can't keep up with her when she really wants to play and neither can we. I just played with her until she flopped from exhaustion TWICE a few hours ago and she's already jetting around at near light speed knocking shit off every horizontal surface and doing kickflips off of us with her claws out again
#😭#i love her but shes killing me#shes also started trying to shred every piece of paper she sees including tissues and toilet paper and etc#shes been knocking over all our small trashcans and pulling the bags out to climb inside of them#(she loves climbing inside plastic bags and its terrifying)#and shredding all the tissues that were previously in those bags in the process#she pulled the toilet paper off the roll the other day. shes been attacking our rugs and dragging them around the floor#today after i thwarted her from getting into shit on trixies desk several times#she discovered that shes big enough to jump onto the high shelf on TOP of trixies desk and knocked over a little cactus#dirt all over the carpet. cactus destroyed. (luckily she seems fine tho)#i KNOW shes acting up bc she needs to play more but man how are we supposed to keep up with this 😭#she has the energy of a thousand lesser kittens#like literally ive raised dozens of kittens throughout my life. some i even bottle raised from newborns#and i swear i have NEVER had one that's as rambunctious as she is#there's only one that even comes CLOSE and astrid still totally eclipses her#astrid could run LAPS around lizard. probably literally#rambling#(disclaimer the stuff i said about dogs is mainly from my experience pet sitting my regular clients high energy big dogs#i mainly had low-mid energy small dogs growing up so i never really had to worry about this before lol)#edit: i forgot this is actually the second plant she's knocked off a shelf and destroyed the last couple weeks#first one was luckily over hard floor and not carpet tho#edit 2: specified older male cat above only bc our older female cat won't even try#she's terrorized by astrids zoomies more than we are#edit 3: forgot to mention wrt the tissue thing that while i was gone for literally One Hour the other day#she tore all the tissues out of a tissue box and then got her head stuck in there 😭#my gf came home to find shredded tissues all over the place and astrid banging around the apartment trying to get the box off her head#this child WORRIES ME
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Recognizing Early Signs of Mental Illness
#fe3h#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd#thats all it gets tagged as. if you see it then you were meant to see it.#txt post#side note while im in the tags no one looks at#im not too big a fan of the way people call his untreated psychosis as him being feral#its not a ground breaking take with the last 5 years of the game existing but ive only beem into fe3h for a year and its my blog#so I get to talk about it#like yes I understand its because he's likened to a Feral Boar charging ahead with destruction in its path and no brains etc etc#whatever felix said#but the way fans take that and really focus on calling an unhoused man with unresolved childhood ptsd haunting him for life feral?#the way fans take that and call a guy whos psychotic breakdown went untreated for 5 years feral?#REALLY doesnt sit well with me#idk im not the sort to be like “he didnt mean to murder this isnt him 🥺” because he did do that. a lot of that.#But people do things they dont want to do all the time when given the right mental state for it#Do you see people on the streets talking to themselves and shouting at the air and call them feral?#the ones you can smell from 6 feet away? the ones who have a crust on their hands and hair stiff from not having access to a proper shower?#the ones that havent had access to help or medication? Do you call them feral? Do you extend a hand or even look in their direction?#I'm rambling by this point. tldr mental health awareness and be kind to one another#and also to be careful and use your best judgement when helping because I stopped for an older woman asking for help#and she almost stabbed me in an empty parking lot#not my brightest moment
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hm. i do not like chilshi 🤔
#sylph.txt#everyone likes to joke abt how much of an epic divorce man chilchuck is#but i dont think he ever even refers to her as his ex-wife. i could b wrong bc it's been a while since i read it tho#idk a lot of his arc is him learning to b more open w others (which is essentially what ended his relationship)#and u can see how much he's grown in the chapter where senshi goes into his past#to me it would b a lot sweeter for him to take on these lessons and go back to her and make things work#it's been 4 years but he's remained loyal to her depite their issues. idk to me it rlly does feel like he still loves her he's just a fool#it's made p clear that he's a coward and that he's quick to run away so actually committing to her would b a nice way to wrap things up#we don't get to see much of his wife so i get y ppl r quick to put him w the only other man in the party#but like senshi knows abt his wife too like i do not think he's gnna b making any moves here bc he has morals lmao#(*only other older man in the party. laios doesn't qualify for old man yaoi to most chilshi likers)#(even tho chilchuck isn't old either but shh they don't care abt that)#when it comes to senshi the changeling chapter def helped him w understanding how old the rest of the party is#but he clearly still views them as significantly younger than him#i don't think he views chil as a child anymore but for the majority of their time together he did#and so going from that to in a relationship is uhh rlly weird to me!#senshi has always taken a sort of parental role upon himself#w him romance is no where as interesting as the platonic bonds he has w the rest of the party#similar to how romance is entirely unimportant to izutsumi in the succubus chapter#idk i def don't hate the pairing and there r some takes on it that i find funny#but for me i just don't see anything between them i think ppl just want an m/m ship to play with#that ao3 gap is only gnna get bigger lmao
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Imagine if in OoA, Fuuta wasn't unconscious when Amane showed up during the initial attack. Better for Amane since she's not alone, but probably much worse for Fuuta since he's forced to watch helplessly.
So... prompt? 👉👈
OUGHGH what a concept... You would think the near-death experience is what's most traumatizing to him but no, it's the fact that, yet again, he couldn't be the hero that he thought he was... Thank you so much for the request and uuhh sorry I beat up your boy...
TW for violence/injury, nothing super gory but I did try to detail out Kotoko's canon attacks
He’s probably never even taken a hit in his life.
Kotoko’s fist connected solidly with Fuuta’s jaw. His vision sparked.
And anyway, it’s his own fault. He got himself into this mess.
Her knee jabbed into his gut, knocking the wind out of him before he could gain his bearings from the previous strike. Kotoko had appeared out of nowhere in the middle of the night. He’d been dragged out of bed with a cheap shot to his face.
The voices in his head spoke oblivious to the situation. He hardly processed a single word they said, the sound drowned out by the prisoners’ shouts. By the ringing in his ears.
He’s so pathetic.
By the crack of his own bones breaking.
So weak.
By the choked sounds he could hardly recognize as his own.
So cowardly.
The room dipped and darkened as his consciousness threatened to give out. His chest rattled with a struggling breath. Kotoko’s arm raised, and he got the feeling this blow would be the last.
Well, whatever happens, he did it to himself.
She paused. Something distracted her from behind. Fuuta was left in a heap, his body unresponsive to his mind’s desperate pleas to escape with this chance. The most he could do was angle his head to see what had blessed him with this moment of relief.
It took only an instant for his gratefulness to sharpen into panic.
Just think of that poor, young girl. She had her whole life ahead of her.
Kotoko towered over her Amane. She had flattened herself against the cell door. The flickering fluorescents above cast a shadow across her face.
There was too much spinning inside – and blood outside – of Fuuta’s head to make any sense of what they were saying to one another. He got a pretty good idea when Kotoko lunged forward and struck the girl.
And now she’s dead. Because of him.
Fuuta tried to pick himself up. He had to stop this. More blood pooled around him, but he no longer cared. All he could focus on was the new splotches of red that Amane dabbed at with her uniform sleeve.
As hard as he willed himself to move, his limbs refused. He thought emergencies like this were supposed to give you newfound adrenaline. You were supposed to triumph over the pain, not succumb to it ripping through every inch of your being.
Does he think this is one of his stupid video games? This is real life. He’s nothing special.
He dragged himself an inch or two forward, and that was all. He could only watch helplessly as Kotoko attacked again. Amane sank to the ground after a few harsh kicks to her legs. She lifted her arms to block her face.
If he wanted to help society, he should have protected people. He should have protected that girl.
Fuuta had never begged for anything in his life before.
He opened his mouth to beg Kotoko to stop.
But his body was doing everything in its power to sabotage him. His words dissolved into wheezing coughs. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t save anyone.
He hasn’t done anything useful with his life. Worthless.
Darkness invaded his vision. The horrible sounds within the cell grew more and more distant.
Amane was thrown to the ground nearby. She lay close enough for him to reach his arm towards her, though still out of his grasp. Her eyes were trained on him. He wished he had the voice to scream at her to look away – to turn her attention to Kotoko, and not the failure of a man who wasn’t going to help her.
All he could do was hold her gaze until his own eyes slipped shut.
Some hero he was.
Just before the world disappeared around him, he felt warm fingers interlock with his, and squeeze.
#milgram#order of attack#fuuta kajiyama#amane momose#i was messing around with the voices for one of my milgramblrgram attacks in progress and was struck with inspiration for this#i think so much fuuta angst for me is that he really really wanted to be heroic even in doing his crime#so a situation like this is Worst Case Scenario#it also made me think about the shit people were talking about the guilties at the same time they were being attacked#and made me think about what im saying about the characters right now while theyre potentially going through The Horrors....#i know we dont get to see amanes pov here but i hope its clear she is grateful and has no reason to blame him/expect him to help#in fuutas mind hes like 'im the man! im the older and stronger one! shes definitely looking to me to protect her!'#meanwhile amane is like 'Oh that guy is Dead i need to protect him'#anyway uhhhhh i hope you enjoyed 🤗#thank you for the requests hehehe#drabbles#i was going to wait until tomorrow but maybe i format and post a few others tonight
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