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livelaughwhump · 1 year

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Worthless - Part 14

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Content: mention of noncon, mention of objectification, mention of dehumanization, self-deprecation, self-hatred, emotional whump, pet whump, hurt/comfort, emotional breakdown, swearing

If I forgot any content warnings, please let me know

"We need to tell you something."

That simple sentence was enough to spark panic in the pit of Lyra's stomach. They'd only been gone for three days, and from what they had seen, nothing was out of the ordinary; the safe house was still standing, no one was hurt, Elliot seemed to be more comfortable around the other team members. Lyra hoped that whatever their teammates wanted to tell them was good news, but based on the looks on their faces, they weren't going to be so lucky.

Karine glanced over her shoulder in the direction of the living room, where Elliot was. "Can we come in?" She asked.

Lyra hesitated before nodded reluctantly. They opened the door and allowed their teammates to enter, anxiety and uncertainty dancing in their stomach. This was about Elliot. They knew it had to be about Elliot. Why else would Karine be so reluctant to say anything when Elliot was within earshot?

A million and one thoughts ran through Lyra's mind as they closed the door and faced their teammates. "Tell me."

. . .

Elliot wasn't stupid, despite what he thought about himself. He noticed when Karine, Yvonne, Landon, and Broderick all filed into Lyra's room. He heard Karine say that they needed to talk to Lyra. He couldn't hear any of what they were saying on the other side of the door, but he suspected that they were talking about him. Why else would he be the only one excluded?

They're probably telling Lyra all about what a bad slave you were while she was gone. They're probably trying to decide what to do with you now that they know you're incapable of doing anything right

Elliot felt his stomach drop at the thought. He had tried so hard to be good, but it just wasn't good enough. He wasn't good enough.

Suddenly, Elliot didn't feel like waiting for Lyra anymore. He pushed himself off of the couch and plodded into his dark room, dragging his feet as he did so. Darkness flooded the room when he closed the door, and he instantly turned on his bedside lamp, breathing a sigh of relief as dull yellow light broke through the darkness. He wasn't a big fan of the dark. It reminded him too much of Christian's basement.

Elliot sat atop his messy bed, his eyes fixated on the floor. Lyra's room was directly beside his, and he could hear muffled voices speaking rather loudly, but he couldn't make out any of what they were saying. That was probably for the best, though. If they wanted him to hear, they would've invited him to join the conversation. Instead, he was all alone again, listening to his friends tell Lyra all about what a screw-up he was.

What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be good enough?

Elliot pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face between them, trying to block out the sound his friends' muffled voices.

. . .

Lyra's head was full of fog and all they could see was red. Their heart felt like it had stopped beating when the team explained what they'd found out.

Lyra stumbled backwards until they reached their bed, sitting atop it and forcing themself to take a breath.

"Are you okay?" Yvonne asked, fidgeting with her hands.

Lyra didn't know how to answer. They didn't know why they were surprised, either. They had known what Christian was capable of, that's why they'd kicked him out.

Tears welled in Lyra's eyes. "This...is the one thing...we tried to protect him from," they whispered. "How-How can we call ourselves a team when...we can't even protect one of our own members?" The rest of the team was silent. Lyra scoffed. "No wonder he doesn't see himself as human anymore. He was treated like nothing but a toy. He-He was used and abused and then thrown into the basement like garbage! And when he wasn't treated like an object, he was treated like a fucking dog!"

"Lyra," Karine began, but Lyra ignored her.

"We let-We let that rapist into our house! We let him eat with us and go on missions with us! We were his friends!" By now, Lyra's tears had begun steadily flowing down their face. "We let him hurt Elliot for years! What kind of friends are we?" Their voice broke and they buried their face in their hands. They sniffled and sobbed, but no one else in the room made a move to comfort them. "This is all my fault," they sobbed. "I should've seen what was going on. I should've noticed what that-that monster was doing to him."

"It wasn't your fault," Landon finally said. Lyra lifted their bloodshot eyes to meet his. "It wasn't anyone's fault but Christian's. He was the one that hurt Elliot, not any of you."

"Still," Karine said. "Lyra's right. We should've seen what was going on. Christian harassed Elliot for two years and we never noticed. If we had noticed sooner..."

"What's done is done," Landon interrupted. "We can't change what happened. All we can do is be there for him, and right now, he's all alone, probably wondering why we're excluding him."

Lyra sniffled and scrubbed at their tears. "You're right," they said, pushing themself off of the bed. "I'll go see how he's doing."

"Lyra," Karine said as Lyra began to walk out the door. "Please, don't treat him any differently because of this."

Lyra shook their head. "I won't. This doesn't change anything but make me hate Christian even more than I already did." With that, all five of them filed out of the room.

. . .

Elliot hugged his comforter around his thin body, shivering. Ever since he'd been rescued, he had struggled keeping warm, especially when he was alone. His lamp was still on. He didn't want to turn it off. Light was a luxury he had been denied for so long, and he wasn't ready to give it up yet.

The sound of his doorknob turning startled him, and he whimpered as he curled into a fetal position beneath his blankets. When the door opened, Lyra peeked their head in and smiled. "Hey, sunshine. What are you doing in here? I thought we were all gonna hang out in the living room."

Elliot shifted beneath his comforter, unable to bring himself to look them in the eye. "I'm sorry, L-Lyra," he said. His voice was so quiet and broken. He felt pathetic. "I-I saw the team go into your-your room, and I thought...th-that you didn't want to-to be around me anymore." Lyra didn't say anything, which only confirmed Elliot's suspicions.

Lyra sighed and Elliot suppressed a flinch. "May I come in?" Elliot gave a gentle nod and Lyra slowly entered the room, closing the door behind her. She stood at the foot of his bed, simply watching him with sympathy in her eyes. "Can I ask you a question?" She asked. He nodded again. "Why do you assume no one wants to be around you?"

The question made Elliot freeze. He knew the answer, but he didn't know how to put it into words without bursting into tears. Elliot pushed himself into a sitting position and wrapped his thin arms around his knees. "B-Because, I-I know how much you miss...him."

Lyra furrowed their brows in confusion. "Who? Christian?" They exclaimed.

Elliot flinched and shook his head. "The-The old Elliot," he clarified. Lyra's expression softened. Elliot sniffled, tears stinging the edge of his vision. "I-I can see it every time you look at me, a-any of you. You wish you were looking at him."

Lyra didn't know what to say, her words completely escaping her. "Elliot..." she whispered.

Elliot refused to meet her gaze as his eyes grew misty and his lower lip started trembling. "I-I'm trying...I'm trying so hard, but-but I'm just not good enough, and I'm-I'm so sorry, Lyra. I'm sorry I'm not good enough."

"Oh, Elliot," she said, quickly maneuvering to his side. "You are good enough. We are so unbelievably happy that you're here and that you're alive and safe. We love you!"

"You-You hate me, all of you! You hate that you found me instead of him! You don't want me! I'm nothing but a disappointment!" Elliot burst into a fit of loud, open-mouth sobbing. He buried his face between his knees, his shoulders trembling. "No one could ever love me," he mumbled. "I'm worthless."

Tears started to slip down Lyra's face. She sniffled and wiped away her tears, but they didn't stop. "You're not worthless," they assured him. They desperately wanted to hug him, but they didn't know if that was what he needed in that moment. They didn't know what to do. "You're not a disappointment, Elliot. When I was gone, all I could think about was coming home to you. I missed you so much and I was so worried, I could hardly focus on the mission." Elliot didn't say anything, nor did his sobbing cease. "I didn't know you felt this way. I'm so sorry, sunshine." Instead of hugging him, Lyra settled on simply rubbing his back.

Elliot flinched and glanced up. His eyes were red-rimmed and overflowing with tears. "Do-Do you wish I was still the-the old Elliot?"

Lyra hesitated. "Well...if you're asking if I wish you hadn't been kidnapped, then of course I do. You were treated so horribly by a terrible, awful person. You went through so much. I can't even begin to understand what that monster did to you, but you've been so brave these past few weeks, especially since I've been gone. I'm so proud of you."

That only seemed to make Elliot cry harder. He clamped his eyes shut and frantically shook his head. "No, no, no," he sobbed. "I've been bad and-and I shouted at you. I-I don't deserve your kindness. I'm not brave. I'm stupid and ugly and worthless. I deserve to be p-punished. Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because I love you. You're my favorite person in the world..."

"No," Elliot sobbed. He threw himself onto the floor and curled into a small, pathetic ball in the corner of the room. "You don't l-love me. No-No one can l-love me. You love the old Elliot! I'm too broken to be loved!" Elliot buried his face in his hands and wept.

Lyra didn't know what to do. They had never seen him like this, so obviously in pain. They didn't know what to do. In all their years of taking care of Elliot, they had never seen him so broken and distraught. It was heart-breaking. They couldn't help but wonder if the rest of the team could hear what was going on. What were they thinking?

Eventually, Elliot's hysterics had begun to calm down. He was still crying, but his sobs were no longer as violent. He had lowered his hands away from his face and had opted to wrapping them around himself instead. His eyes were puffy and his whole face was covered his smeared tears and snot. His skin was blotchy. He was shaking and sniffling, and he refused to look at Lyra.

Lyra slowly lowered herself onto the ground, her gaze never leaving Elliot's frail, shaking body. "Are you okay?" She asked, softly. It was a stupid question. He was quite obviously not okay, but Lyra didn't know what else to say in that moment.

Elliot sniffled and gave a gentle nod.

"Would you like me to leave?"

Elliot hesitated before slowly shaking his head.

"Would you like a hug?"

Tears flooded Elliot's eyes again and his lip stuck out as he nodded and threw himself into Lyra's arms. Lyra lovingly wrapped her arms around him, carded her fingers through his greasy hair, and gently rocked him back and forth. He continued to cry into her shoulder as Lyra rested her head on top of his. "It's going to be okay, Elliot," she whispered. "I know you don't believe me yet, but we really do love you, all of us. We don't care that you're not the same person you used to be. We love you no matter who you are."

Elliot sniffled and looked up at her. "You-You're not disappointed in me?" He sounded genuinely confused, like he couldn't fathom not being a disappointment.

Lyra tucked a strand of overgrown, stringy hair behind his ear. "I have never and will never be disappointed in you, sunshine. In fact, I couldn't be more proud of you."

Elliot blushed and looked away from them. "E-Even after the team told you how-how bad I've been?"

Lyra furrowed her brows. "What do you mean?"

Elliot clenched his jaw and sniffled. "When-When the team went into your room to-to talk to you. Weren't they telling you how disobedient and-and annoying I've been?" When the only response Elliot received was silence, he tentatively glanced up at them again.

Lyra tried to school their expression, refusing to let Elliot know what the team had actually told them about. They forced a smile onto their face and shook their head. "No, sunshine. In fact, they were telling me how well you've done this weekend. They were very proud of you."

Elliot didn't believe them, but he wouldn't dare accuse them of lying to him or trying to deceive him. So, he simply nodded and rested his head on their shoulder again. He closed his eyes and took a deep, quivering breath. "I'm s-sorry for sh-shouting, Lyra," he apologized.

Lyra hugged him a little tighter pressed her cheek to the top of his head. "That's all right, sunshine. I know you were just frustrated and upset. I'm not mad at you."

A single tear slipped out of the corner of Elliot's eye. "I don't deserve your kindness and-and patience."

"Of course you do," she whispered, combing his hair with her fingers once more. "You're a good person, Elliot." Elliot stiffened, like he wanted to protest, but refused to. Lyra rubbed calming circles into his back. "Yes, sunshine, you're a person. You're not a dog or a pet or a toy. You're a person and it's only natural for people to feel things. I know, sometimes it hurts and it sucks, but it's also healthy. Keeping it bottled up isn't good for you and all it does is make us worry. You've been through hell. It's only natural for you to be scared and tired and frustrated, but that doesn't make you bad, it just makes you human." Elliot whimpered and snuggled up closer to her. "Don't ever be afraid to cry or scream or shout. No one here will ever judge you for it. And when you're done, we'll all be here to hug you and comfort you until you feel better."

Elliot sniffled. "I-I've just felt so-so alone for so long."

Lyra smiled a pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head. "You're not alone anymore. You're with your family now, and we are never going to let anything bad happen to you again."

Elliot hiccupped, which made Lyra chuckle. Then, his eyelids started fluttering and a yawn escaped him.

Lyra hummed and said, "I think its time for bed."

Elliot glanced up at her, fear in his eyes. "Please, don't leave me."

She gave his forehead another soft kiss and said, "Never."

Ah, the feels

Let's just hope this means Elliot can finally start to heal

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lydia-yougowith-stiles · 4 years

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My Top Ships of 2020

It’s FINALLY here!! The list of my top ships of 2020. What a year it was and I can’t believe it’s already January 8th as I’m writing this. Just like I mentioned with my 2020 TV Wrap Up, a lot of these ships helped me escape during 2020. I can’t wait to see where they’re headed for 2021. I have also started watching a few things in December, but I will be saving those ships for my 2021 list. (You’ll notice I have already expanded this list from last year.) Last year, I debated about including an Honorable Mentions sections. This year I will be including it because I wanted to still talk about these ships, but found it hard to rank them with the others. Without further ado here we go!

Oh! One last thing. Compared to previous years Bellarke has not made it on this list. J. Roth did us dirty with this last season of the 100 and I will pretend it didn’t exist.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

~ Anne with an E: Jerry and Diana

These two were SOOO CUTE until Diana started acting rude and left our perfect boy Jerry. Watching this last season back, I grew not to like this couple as much as I did the first time. This most definitely had to do with the fact that I knew the outcome AND I could see Diana using him more earlier. She wanted to experience something different and rebel and Jerry was there. But they were so cute as they walked home together and shared books. I’m also really proud of Anne for sticking by Jerry when she found out the truth about their relationship. (As you probably already know I love Jerry so much and don’t want any harm to come for him, so this was a tough one, but yes I’m still including it.)

~Umbrella Academy: Klaus and Dave

I started watching Umbrella Academy this year, so I was lucky to not just experience the first season, but also the second. I instantly fell in love with Klaus and Dave and we barely got any scenes with them. (That’s my main reason for making them an honorable mention rather than a permanent spot on this list.) I wish we had more scenes with them in love. We do get some great moments in scene two with a younger Dave, which highlights Klaus’ love for him, but it’s not the same. I really love how much Dave changed Klaus. I would argue they’re my favorite romantic relationship on the show.

~Walking Dead World Beyond: Hope and Elton

Here’s my classic shipping people together who weren’t technically romantic (but honestly those often make the best and most satisfying ships if the writers open their eyes to the chemistry that is on screen...but I digress). While they technically weren’t “romantic” you could tell that Elton grew to have a crush on Hope as the season went on. There was definitely a lot going on between their characters as Hope ***I’m going to try and avoid a spoiler here*** was one of the last people to see Elton’s mom. I think there’s potential for these two down the road and as there are only 2 seasons slotted for Walking Dead World Beyond, I can only hope this is the path the writers take.

~Violetta: Angie and Pablo

Okay, so even if you have not heard of the Disney Channel telenovela “Violetta” or seen many of my posts, can you just appreciate the chemistry in the above moment between these two people! For a good amount of season 1 of the show, Angie and Pablo were the couple for me and I was ESTATIC when they finally got together. I anticipated it wouldn’t be for long because of slight spoilers and more intuition, but god were they beautiful together. Friends to lovers to the extreme. Screw Herman! Now as I’m slowing watching season 3, I know these two won’t be OTP, but I can savor in this moment and remember the good times.

17. Violetta: Violetta and Leon

Two back to back Violetta appreciation posts. This show took up my entire 2020 from awaiting for season 2 (and 3) on Disney Plus, as well as watching the 80 episodes (a piece!). Currently, I’m trying to get back into wanting to watch season 3 (as other shows took precedent). With the amount of Violetta I watched, I couldn’t leave Violetta and Leon off this list. They were the favored ship of the show (and one of the most central). In season 1 it took me a little time to like them together, but by episode 35 I could feel the mutual attraction. I remember the moment of them singing/playing piano together. I knew they’d be endgame. My main complaint is that when these two are a part they are SUPER ANNOYING! Like they (specifically I’m thinking of Leon) say rude things about the other person and I’m like how could you be okay to get back together? Their best moments are definitely in season 2, whether singing to the other person or imagining singing to them. Definitely at the end of the season when they’re in Spain. I still have to watch the end of their love story, so I hope it’s satisfying.

16. High School Musical the Musical the Series: Nini and Ricky

So I added this ship onto my list long before I knew about any real-life/personal drama that was happening among the cast. I considered taking it off the list, but as I am discussing the fictional characters I decided to leave it. High School Musical the Musical the Series was a very early 2020 watch. I liked the show more than I was expecting and was upset to hear that season 2 wouldn’t include a performance of High School Musical 2. (I mean, Beauty and the Beast...really?) This was one of those extremely rare times where I actually liked a ship that was the main ship. Usually, I favor the other part of the love triangle or the underappreciated part. I was both shocked and happy when Ricky and Nini kissed in the finale and got together. Of course the final episode ended with some hurtles for season 2 (which now I guess there will be even more), but it was good to see them together and happy.

15. Legacies: Hope and Josie

With all of these shows ending earlier than they should have due to COVID, I feel like I’m going to sound like a broken record when I say I don’t remember a lot of what happened in this last season. (I guess for 2021 I’ll have to take more thorough notes, but then again you can see which ships I like more.) With Hope and Josie, season 2 was a bit of a rough road. I mean, what do you expect when you erase yourself from existence for the greater good, which means that your boyfriend hooks up with your friend/eventual lover? (Yes, I added in that second part.) Josie and Landon felt very awkward in the beginning of this season when they were in “love” and forgot about Hope. (I rarely heard anyone say they liked them together.) It got more awkward when Hope came back in the picture and had to watch them together. Then we had that spill with Josie being evil (which I was surprised they tackled so early on in the show. Feels like a later plot to explore). Due to all these hurtles, there were less opportunities for my OTP of Legacies. The best moment we got was in the above photo when Hope went into Josie’s subconscious and was speaking to Josie as a fictional pig the whole time. We will never forget how the “pig” suggested Hope kiss her awake. Come on Julie! Give us what we want!

14. Single Parents: Will and Angie

Will and Angie were far down on my Top Ships last year. Another friends to lovers, you could just feel the chemistry between these two and that was strengthened in season 2. (I just loved some couples more this year I guess.) Last year, they couldn’t really act on too much romance between these two because of Poppy and Douglas’ relationship, but as those two had some drama this season, Will and Angie had a greater chance of getting together. We watched moments where the two pretended to be a couple (for the sake of Will’s parents) and eventually Will came to the realization of his feelings for Angie. In a classic season 2 plot device of a sitcom, Angie decided to go with her real-life husband/Graham’s dad at the end of the season. But you could see she also had feelings for Will and they HAVE to act on those next season. I can’t remember if the show got a third season, and I will be crushed if they didn’t. Previously, they’ve been mid-season starts so I feel hopeful.

13. Emma: Emma and Knightley

The last movie I watched in movie theaters was Emma. While it makes me sad that I haven’t been able to go back since, this film was a great one to hold this memory. As an avid Jane Austen fan (and period drama as you will continue to notice), I LOVED this Emma and Knightley pairing. This couple is one of my favorites of the Austen heroines and heroes and I have many favorite reincarnations from Romola Garai and Johnny Lee Miller to Joanna Sotomura and Brent Bailey in Emma Approved (still so sad those two broke up). So it was very hard to live up to what I’ve watched and liked before. Anya Taylor-Joy and Johnny Flynn did not disappoint and will be one of the combos I think of when I re-visit the novel. I love how we didn’t focus on their crazy age difference and really highlighted on their relationship as family friends and going back a long time. I specifically like the decision to bring in some early nods to Knightley admitting his feelings for Emma and then not doing so because of the presence of Frank Churchill. Just talking about all of this makes me want to re-watch the movie all over again. :) **If you’re a fan of this combo or Emma/Knightley in general that you have to watch this video. It is amazing!

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12. Avatar The Last Airbender: Zuko and Katara

Another binge from 2020. I watched Avatar the Last Airbender in the summer and was amazed by the story-telling and how deep they could get for a kid’s program. Despite, being in MS/HS when the show originally aired, I hadn’t watched it before. So many people had told me to do and then with the help of Netflix, I felt the pull to do so during quarantine. When I headed into the show, I thought Zuko and Katara eventually got together. Mainly, because I know the fandom and love for them is so strong. I instantly felt this too. There were so many great parallels between there characters. (I mean clearly we have the whole water and fire dynamic.) Even when these two weren’t in scenes together I was thinking about how well they’d work together. So needless to say I was disappointed when they didn’t get to be endgame. We did a lot of great moments at the end of season two and definitely with season three. The Last Agni Kai scene will forever give me chills and represent how deep Zutara is. The evidence is all right there. Such a great ship.

11. Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist: Zoey and Max

Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist was one of my favorite watches of 2020 and such a feel good show for a moment with a lot of uncertainty. (I highly recommend if you haven’t watched it. Season 2 just started on NBC this week.) For a while I felt very on the fence if I shipped Zoey more with Simon or Max. As you can notice friends to lovers has been a common thread with my posts (although I LOVE a good enemies to lovers) and Max was that 100%. Plus, he’s played by Skylar Astin so what’s not to love. Despite, all of that I felt both of the men in Zoey’s life had potential and I could be happy if she ended up with either one. By episode 6 I was leaning towards Max (if I’m remembering correctly this would be the “When I Wake Up” number with the scooter) and then by episode 8 I was all in! I mean she sang “I’m Yours” to him. (Episode 8 was one of my favorites for the whole season. She did a fantastic job singing and I loved the twist of events. Also, Max being there for her was adorable. The “Pressure” song in the conference room OMG, get me a Max!) The only thing that upset me about their relationship and Max’s character was how sudden his emotions were. It became all or nothing and it felt like too much. He shouldn’t have given Zoey an ultimatum like that. Once he went to work upstairs, I grew to not like this character. Luckily by the last episode I saw some of the old Max again. We’ll see what happens with this new season.

10. Julie and the Phantoms: Julie and Luke

Julie and the Phantoms: I cannot talk highly enough of this show. It is amazing and everyone needs to be watching it. Of course, it was created by Kenny Ortega so need I say more...but there is so much more to appreciate too. The actors are fantastic and I love the characters they portray! I also can’t stop listening to the music. But this moment is for Julie and Luke, sorry, I should stop promoting the show :) It was very obvious that two members of the band should fall in love and with Julie and Luke both writing their own music and being passionate about their craft it became a no-brainer that they should end up catching feelings for one another. Of course, there’s the major hurtle that he’s a ghost, but we can figure that out in season 2. Luke is obviously the better pick for Julie (Nick who?). They are just so adorable together and I can’t get over that moment when he talks to her at school by her locker and she pretends to talk on her phone. The way they look at each other says it all. (Such great acting!) Then there’s Edge of Great and Luke’s guitar solo. OH! They’re so meant for each other. While no season 2 announcement has been realized yet, there’s no way this show does not get renewed.

9. The 100: Murphy and Emori

Okay, so I know this sounds hypocritical that I said I won’t think the last season of the 100 exists and here are Murphy and Emori. But in my defense they are the best part of this season and my love for them as a couple really came to a head this season. Murphy had so much character growth and I was fearing for his life almost every episode. Same went for Emori especially after her accident I didn’t feel positive. These two (along with Raven) were the shining beacon in a very disappointing and confusing season. I love how close they are and how strong they make each other. They have been through so much and it was nice to see them so happy (despite everything going on). You just knew they’d always have each other’s backs no matter what.

8. Violetta: Fran and Diego

I feel like I would do anything for this ship and I have so many more episodes of season 3 to go. (So that’s saying something.) Another Violetta ship, but arguably the best and one that I know is endgame because I grew so obsessed that I started searching for spoilers early on. (That’s how you know it’s bad. Especially when you’re watching YouTube videos without subtitles, so you have no idea what they’re saying, but they look happy and therefore you are happy.) Fran and Diego only got together in the third and finale season of Violetta. Previously, they were a part of different romances (Diego a major one with Violetta), but at the start of this season they are put together in a lot of situations and quickly grow a strong relationship. You can feel the chemistry instantly! They just fit each other so well. Their singing voices together-OMG! While it took FOREVER for their relationship to be public knowledge, I really haven’t had any other problems with them together. (And with 80 episodes it could easily be the case.) A positive of having more than 30 episodes to go: I have more opportunity to fall even more in love with these two.

7. Sanditon: Esther and Babington

I LOVE THESE TWO SO MUCH! I watched Sanditon so long ago that my memory could get fuzzy, but one thing that stands out clearly is how great it was watching Esther and Babington get together. When thinking about this show people will probably immediately think of Sidney and Charlotte and while they are great and the central couple of the series, these two have my heart. Esther has SO MUCH character growth and development and Babington is a big influence on that. He helps her to see that she can be so much more than what she currently is doing and gets her away from her brother and that lifestyle. For a bit it was touch and go and I wasn’t sure if the two would be endgame, but luckily they were. It appeared to be a marriage out of friendship/necessity. Babington is fine with loving Esther more and hoping she’ll grow to love him. This quickly changes with a scene where we see the two looking very much in love. While this show only used Jane Austen’s unfinished novel as a stepping stone and became a lot more modern (than most fans liked), I thought it did a nice job with several aspects. The main one being Esther’s character. It is a show that I will definitely be re-watching and will always be upset that it did not get a second season.

6. Legends of Tomorrow: Ava and Sara

A great ship since Ava was introduced. These two balance each other out so well and are one of the most constant ships on the show. (As the Waverider’s doors continue to be revolving in recent seasons.) Each season we watch their relationship deepen and I truly felt that with this most recent season of Legends. Now this might sound super ironic, because from what I can remember (remember 2020 brain, it’s been a while since watching), Sara was off the Waverider a lot, leaving Ava in charge. Sara was away for so many episodes that I started to question (and do a lot of Google searching) if she was leaving the show. Despite the two being a part, I feel we got to know Ava’s character more. She has definitely grown since we first met her all those seasons ago. Due to this development, I felt this couple deserved this spot on the list. When we got to the end of last season ***SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS*** and it looked like Sara (and actually all the Legends) might die, my heart broke for them. Ava and Sara deserve the world. And with the way the finale ended it’s going to be some time till they get it. Once again, Legends is the best CW Superhero show (I said it) and everyone should be watching it.

5. The Spanish Princess: Mary Tudor and Charlie Brandon

This ship is so underappreciated and deserves to be talked about more!!! (Another common thread in many of these entries.) I have searched for Tumblr posts and YouTube videos and have only found a few dedicated to this couple. There needs to be more!! As the second season of the Spanish Princess dragged for me a bit, once Mary Tudor and Charlie Brandon got more screen time and a plot-line I was instantly sucked in. They nicely balanced the falling out of love of Katherine and Harry. There should have been more scenes with Mary and Charlie. Right away, you could feel some sort of chemistry, but Mary had to be married to the King of France. Then the King dies and she’s promised to pick a marriage of love for her second marriage. Knowing her brother and expecting that she will be married off again she marries the messenger come to get her from France, Charlie Brandon. Super intrigued by their story I looked up the history of the real Mary and Charlie Brandon and their story matches very closely. They got married despite the King’s rules and had many children together. It seems to be a marriage of love like she wanted. This couple will forever be one of my favorites.

They are also one of my major reasons for wanting to watch the Tudors. While they completely change the Mary and Charles romance (Firstly by naming her Margaret), at least it was very easy to watch. As Charles Brandon is played by the beautiful Henry Cavill.

4. The Outpost: Talon and Garret

Speaking of underappreciated ships (and TV shows), I present Talon and Garret from CW’s The Outpost. It was SO HARD for me to find a picture from the third (and latest season) of them to put with this post. It’s even hard to watch any scenes of the show on YouTube. Talon and Garret FINALLY got together this season and it was ABOUT TIME! Since season 1 you have felt the tension between these two, but there were always obstacles and people in between them. There seemed to be potential in the first season and by the start of third I was not holding out hope anymore that they would be together. So, it was such a joyous occasion when they became endgame (is that too soon to say? I have no idea if there’s another season on the horizon). This couple solidified my love for a WARRIOR romance. One where, despite being two different genders (and for this show species), both partners are equal in strength and fighting ability. (Well, Talon could take Garret, but they are such a powerful duo!) I now want to read and watch more romances/ships with this trope. [Please let me know if you have any suggestions.] Just talking about them, I can’t help but smile (almost as big as Garret when he saw Talon again before she left for another mission). At the end of the season they might have tried to make it seem like they would pick other partners and I’m so glad they didn’t. You seriously need to watch this show if any of the above sounded appealing/you like high fantasy and maybe a little CGI cheesiest.

3. The Society: Grizz and Sam

It breaks my heart talking about this ship ever since Netflix released that they were taking back the second season renewal of The Society. I started watching the Society during quarantine (shocking I know), but I do remember a lot from my time watching (more shocking, right?). Hands down the best couple from this show was Grizz and Sam. They weren’t introduced right away and again I might have cheated when I suspected the two might get together, so I looked up some spoilers. (Honestly, that’s the best sign of a ship in my book. If I can’t wait and need to look up spoilers then your show has a good thing going.) Individually Grizz and Sam were my favorite characters and then pairing them together I was dead. So many amazing moments with them. Naturally we didn’t get enough and I will continue to watch fan videos (because there are so many). They are precious and I’m so glad we got some closure at the end of the season because if we didn’t this cancellation would have been even harder.

2. Nancy Drew: Nancy and Ace

Okay, I’ll try to keep this brief because I know I’ve talked about this couple A LOT on this page in 2020 (but that might be difficult FYI). From an honorable mention thought last year to #2 this year-THAT’S HUGE! But they deserve it, even if they haven’t officially become a couple on the show...well not yet. Early on in the first season I felt a pull between these two characters, which is super ironic seeing as how they had few scenes together and were a part of two different romances. (I mean Nancy had two different love interests.) I thought I was just imagining things (as I do often pair people who barely share plots), but then episode 14 happened and I was sold. Then I came onto Tumblr and discovered the amount of people that felt it too and knew we had something. Shout out to all the other blogs that mention Nace or are made just to honor this amazing duo. I know they will be endgame too and value all your posts that I’m constantly liking and looking for.

Again, there’s so much I could talk about, but I’ll focus on how much they trust and listen to one another. (I mean Ace drank that stuff because he trusted Nancy!!!) I love how they get paired up on cases and go into investigator mode. They speak SO CLOSE to one another and just all the looks! If we don’t get more moments in the second season I don’t know how I’ll survive. They are just so perfect and I could easily see them become number 1 next year. I cannot wait for the start of season 2 on Jan. 20th!! For now I’ll fast forward through old episodes and watch my favorite moments. Like these:

AND NUMBER ONE.... DRUM ROLL PLEASE...

1. Anne with an E: Anne and Gilbert

Now I know what you’re thinking...’Stephanie, didn’t you pick Shirbert last year too?’ Why, yes that is true. But back then I had only watched seasons 1 and 2 with some spoiler videos of season 3. The release hadn’t come to Netflix yet. Since then, I have watched the last season (and the show as a whole multiple times). It’s just so good and watching the growth of the characters (not only Shirbert) means so much more when you can watch the episodes back to back. But we’re here for Shirbert and how we watched them rise. Yes, it departed from the novel, but I love the twists and turns it took getting to endgame. So many looks and unspoken feelings. I thought it was great how Anne discovered her feelings. I hated Winifred, but understood her purpose. Anne and Gilbert will always be one of my top OTPs no matter which adaptation. Of course, the book will always be the tops, but so many great representations of it have been done on screen. Ultimate enemies to friends to lovers. I hope to one day create characters that could be so strong and beloved.

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handonhaven · 3 years

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I watched a live stream with Kaylee earlier(I can't remember if it was on twitch or IG or twitter) and someone asked her about the Holarke ship. She made a disgusted face before answering them. And that just spoke to me so hard. Because if Kaylee, one of the actors on the show(and probably other actors and maybe the show runners as well) think the ship Holarke is disgusting. Then you know there's no chance of it even happening. I mean the writers even had it so people would see that Clarke sees and thinks of Hope as a kid. Which leads me to another thing I saw. I saw someone say "Damon saw and thought of Elena as a kid. And they still ended up together." I'm sorry but are they really trying to change everything around to fit anything that's in their heads so they can hopefully have whatever ship they want.

Also I know that everyone thinks Clarke has changed. And maybe he has but I don't think it's to the point that everyone believes he's changed. Yes he might have changed a little but not completely. I think if it comes down to it and something happens and he has the choice between doing the right thing or saving himself even if it'll screw everyone over, he'll still save himself. Because there's no way he's changed so much that years of habits and saving himself above all else, is he going to go to imma save everyone else and do that right thing. It wouldn't make sense. And if the writers are planning on keeping Clarke around and are giving him a redemption arc they would do it little by little over time not all at once.

But I don't know I just don't trust Clarke, I feel like he's kind of like malivore in a way always playing the manipulation game to get what he wants.

Really? Haha, well that says a lot. Yeah, I would say that probably means there’s no chance. I mean, they’ve had ships happen before even if the actors don’t like them. But in this case, I think they’re definitely trying to steer clear of that ship. Very true, Clarke called both Hope and Landon kids (plus he seems to really support their relationship now, and also asked Hope if they are friends). Hmm, yeah, I’m... very far from being a Delena fan so I won’t go into that, but yeah, I don’t think that’s a good comparison to make as a way to justify Holarke. And that in no way means that the ship is gonna happen just because of that comparison.

And it’s hard to know if Clarke has actually changed since it’s only been one episode. I think it will take a while to know for sure how much he’s changed. And you could be right. It seems he’s different and wants to be good now that he’s gotten what he’s wanted. But it shouldn’t have taken him getting what he wants to change. And if he wants something again in the future and he has to hurt others to get it, he could very well do what he’s always done. I guess we’ll have to see. Because that’s very true, he’s been the way he is for all this time, it’s gonna take a long time for him to truly change and to know if he can be trusted. And I don’t really trust him either. Because yes, he’s definitely shown that he’s similar to Malivore in the ways he’s manipulated others. So who knows if he’ll change for good or if he could go back his old ways if things go wrong. It’ll be interesting to see what happens, if he ends up staying on the show.

#answered #hope mikaelson #ryan clarke #3x16 #spoilers #legacies spoilers

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queenofthedramedies · 3 years

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Legacies Opinions 3x11: You're Not a Monster...Probably...

Hello, my lovely readers! Sorry about the delay in this week's epi.

Let's dive into the monster-y goodness, shall we?

This week was not a good week for our heroes--unless you count the couple who just made canon: Kleo, or Cleleb.

We saw the return of Dark Jo, because no one else showed up to draw straws and appear as Jo's consciousness. Ah! So, should we be worried for Jo because it looks like she might have to merge with her Big, Bad, alter ego, or do we applaud her for embracing her entire self?

Honestly, I think it's important to acknowledge your entire being, because the more you try to bury something, the more likely it is to crawl back up, and bite you, sometimes literally. So, good for Jo to find her self-acceptance.

People who are still trying to figure who they are in the grand scheme of things: Jed, Jed, and mainly Jed. Poor guy can not seem to catch a break after being inspired by Cleo. In the last epi., Jed tried to be helpful, and failed, miserably. Under other circumstances this might make Jed fall into the clutches of a super villian, or become a super villian, due to a lack of appreciation. And then he would at least be given a real storyline.

Speaking of storylines that we may not know, for sure, where they are going: Let's talk about MG and Lizzie. Mizzie. They have been a side ship for some time now. First, MG was smitten with Lizzie, to the point of not being able to find some self-respect. Now, Lizzie has come to terms with being in love with our little ray of sunshine, but unable to voice her desire for her friend. Love is frightening. The possibility of rejection--even if you're almost positive you won't be--can be devastating.

Personally, I hope that Mizzie's will-they-wont-they will be resolved by the end of the season. Of course, if they finally get together, tragedy will no doubt strike, because screwing with the fans is inevitable. With hope, they will make it through whatever disaster befalls them.

Speaking of disaster, we have two MG-related ones in this epi. First, as predicted, Ethan tried to play cop, by himself, and nearly got himself killed, again. This leaves MG in an awkward position: Will MG end up having to confess to Alaric that he did not compel Ethan, and put a human at risk? Will MG end up having to turn Ethan, and can MG handle the consequences of that responsibility? Time for Caroline Forbes to show up and help MG with that. Okay! Wishful thinking.

MG's second problem was Finch. Once you capture a werewolf; what do you do with them? Lizzie tried to provide some answers on that front, pushing to find out how Finch turned, and whether she made a mistake keeping Finch and Jo apart.

After some insults are exchanged between these two strong females; Finch allows Liz and MG to take a head-dive into her memories. This turns out to be a mistake, for Finch, who finds herself coming face-to-face with a childhood trauma and leaving Mizzie with guilt coupons, for years to come. While Finch has her memories compelled away--with one exception: to remind herself to not trust anyone--I suspect MG and Lizzie would also like to wipe their memories of Finch's trauma, too.

In lighter news, Kaleb was still trying to woo Cleo, and finds success when he lays his soul bare to her; so to speak. And it looks like honesty might trigger Cleo's gift. Maybe. Not sure. However, Kaleb hinted at how he was turned, and we need that origin story, yesterday!

We also saw a bit more of Wade. Our fave fairy spent the epi. aiding Jo, and Landon, as they tried to deal with Hope who managed to get herself turned into a monster. Oh, what sharp teeth you have, Hope, and big, scary eyes. Everyone, run!

Well, I pretty much gave away Hope's storyline. Off she went to screw over The Necromancer, to find he'd been eaten. Ew! But I suspect he'll be back. And Hope got herself bit, tried to eat Landon, or take him to Malivore. I'm not clear on that one.

Speaking of Landon, Wade outed Landon's status as being shady. Or: There's something off about Landon. And if you like the character of Landon; you probably already knew that. He's just been a little too-good-to-be-true since he came back. We might get answers on Thursday. Hopefully. Pun intended.

Before we sat good-bye until the next post: Does anyone else suspect we will see Ryan Clark in something other than a flashback? And does he have answers to what the new device is. Also, will we see historical figures as monsters next season? So many to choose from.

Be safe,

-J

#hope miikaelson #landon kirby #josie saltzman #lizzie saltzman #milton greasley #finch tarrayo #legacies wade #legacies jed #ethan fell #cleo sowande #kaleb hawkins #handon #jonch #clebeb

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salvatoreschool · 5 years

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Okay, Now ‘Legacies’ Needs to Bring Back Penelope Park for Real

Given the short time she spent on Legacies, Penelope Park (Lulu Antariska) made a big impression. She seemed to be the HBIC of the Salvatore School for supernatural kids, though of course she turned out to be a whole lot more. By the time she left the series last season, it was clear she was actually in love with her ex-girlfriend Josie Saltzman (Kaylee Bryant), and was leaving because she couldn’t stand to see the codependent, possibly doomed witch destroy herself for everyone else.

Since then, fans have incessantly been asking when Penelope would be coming back to the show, and as of this week’s “Screw Endgame,” it’s clear Penelope has to return — and soon.

Spoilers for Legacies Season 2, Episode 5 “Screw Endgame” past this point.

First, a little setup. Last season, Hope Mikaelson (Danielle Rose Russell) jumped into a literal memory hole, erasing herself from existence in order to save the world. In order to make sure it stuck, her mentor Alaric Saltzman (Matt Davis) burned every record related to her. That way, nobody would go after her, and undo what she had done. Only, as it turns out, he missed one little thing; though more on that in a second.

While Hope was missing, her boyfriend Landon (Aria Shahghasemi) moved on over the summer, getting together with the similarly lonely Josie, still heartbroken over Penelope leaving. I’ve written at length before about the relationship, which the actors, writers and behind the camera staff are doing a bang-up job of trying to sell, only I ain’t buying it. Mainly because given how tied Landon is to Hope — he’s a Phoenix, and every time he “dies” he’s been picturing her face — and Josie is to Penelope, it feels like the couple is just biding time to create complications.

Turns out I should have known better. Legacies is one of the smartest shows on TV mainly because it’s aware of its own writing structure, and allows its characters to work at the top of their own intelligence. And it thankfully skirts the edge of being self-aware and winking because the characters are hyper-intelligent and constantly probing their own emotions.

That becomes distinctly clear during a plot-line where Josie’s sister Lizzie Saltzman (Jenny Boyd) and Hope are trapped in an ’80s style video game labyrinth, constantly dying and going back to the beginning. In the process, Lizzie — who remembers Hope, after Josie cast a spell — ribs Hope about her choice to not tell anyone she’s back on Earth.

“No one’s been better off without you,” Lizzie says. “Landon and Josie are just filling a void, left by you and Penelope. My dad is lonely, Raf is a mess, again. And apparently, I’m hallucinating boyfriends. If my broken mind can remember you, then maybe that spell Josie did could bring everyone’s memories back. You and Landon are made for each other. Which is why you need to tell him and Josie before they do the deed.”

I mean, come on: having characters talk about who is and isn’t “endgame” while literally being trapped in a game that seemingly has no end? That’s cute.

Regardless, lots to unpack there, but in case you didn’t catch on while Hope and Lizzie are trapped in a game Josie and Landon are figuring out whether they want to have sex, back in the real world. Josie seems into the idea, though Landon is nervous because it’s his first time. And yes, this is all from Lizzie’s perspective, but she’s right: even without knowing that Hope was even there, Landon is using Josie as a surrogate for his one true pairing.

It’s the same for Josie. She likes Landon because he’s a nice guy, he’s cute, they have fun together. All good reasons to be with someone, but it’s clearly not the same passionate, heart bursting out of your chest fiery love she had with Penelope Park. Unlike Landon, she knows about her lost love, and is using the time to heal — probably also why she’s more into consummating the relationship.

Mind you, once Lizzie and Hope escape, they see the two together and make other choices, realizing they need to live their lives for themselves. But Lizzie still isn’t wrong, and we get to see that when Penelope makes her presence felt, stopping Josie and Landon from sleeping together even though she never shows up on screen.

The one piece of material Alaric didn’t destroy was a diary given to Josie by Penelope. When we see it, it’s abandoned under a bed in Josie’s room. The book, which Penelope gave to Josie in a tear-filled scene right before she left town, contains every piece of writing from everyone in the Salvatore school. It’s a spy book, basically, and something Josie was loathe to use. Based on Josie’s reaction — she thought the scratching sound was rats, rather than magic writing inside a book — she forgot about it, most likely because it contains references to Hope. When she does open the book, she sees a page with “A Song About Hope” written by Landon Kirby, one of the pieces of music he wrote for her when the two were together.

Seeing this, Josie decides not to sleep with Landon, and while he is very understanding about it, she’s left crying on the bed when we see her last. And it’s heart-wrenching for Josie, but in the span of the show it’s the right decision. Landon is going to remember Hope, sooner or later (even though she ends up seemingly moving on with Landon’s best friend by the end of this episode), and when he does, the more complicated his relationship is with Josie, the worse it’s going to get for everyone. Instead, the accidental intervention from Penelope Park saved them from making a decision everyone will ultimately regret.

And there are a few potential paths Josie will probably head down from here, with the most likely one being she’s going to turn to the dark side. The Salvatore School’s new headmaster Professor Vardemus has been grooming Josie to become his disciple, and particularly with the revelation that he’s secretly the show’s big bad villain Ryan Clarke (Nick Fink) using a glamour, there’s every reason to believe Josie is going down a bad path.

Who better to turn her back than a returning Penelope Park? She was already called out this episode as the Landon to Josie’s Hope by Lizzie, with the implication that they, too, are “made for each other.” Penelope even saved Josie without even lifting a finger. If Josie is about to get corrupted, she needs her endgame to return… Even if the title of the episode disagrees.

Legacies airs Thursdays at 9/8c on The CW.

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harlivies · 5 years

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And the problem with the handon storyline lately is that it’s screwing up hope’s character. they were supposed to make the female lead focus on something plot relevant like the saltsman family and kai storyline right now, they instead wasted her focus on a relationship drama that harmed her character more than it did good.

Admittedly, this has been one of the biggest issues I’ve had with Handon, especially this season. During the first season, it made sense for Hope’s storyline to be so intimately connected to Landon’s, not just due to them being love interests, but also because we learned Landon is Malivore’s “son”, so, plot-wise, it made sense for her narrative to revolve around his, since he was so connected to the main plot.

In season two, there is no need for their storyline to be taking up so much screentime and such a big portion of the plot as it currently is. Hope is the lead character of the show, and ever since her appearance in The Originals, she’s proven herself to be a very strong, standalone character. She has so much to her, so much history, so many problems, so many things that make her beyond complex, that it truly is a disservice to her, the story, and the fans that all her storylines in the show seem to revolve around her love interest.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I believe that female characters are perfectly capable of being strong and independent while being in a relationship. That is most certainly the case with Hope. She’s all those things and more, with or without Landon. But as of late, and given how much Handon is being shoved down everyone’s throats, it’s become quite apparent that Hope as a character isn’t being used to her full potential because her relationship with Landon is taking up all this space.

There’s no denying Handon represents a different take on m/f relationships than what we’re used to, and that it flips the “hero and damsel in distress” trope on its head by reversing the gender roles associated with them. It’s a good thing! But it stops being such a groundbreaking thing when the male character, who is supposed to play the part of the damsel (and, therefore, be a supporting character to the main character), somehow manages to take over the hero’s whole entire narrative and screentime.

In my honest opinion, the show has been shooting itself on the foot a lot this season, and most of that has a lot to do with Hope and Landon’s relationship. At the beginning of this second season, the show had a lot of potential to explore a bunch of new things with Hope, once they had her accept that Landon had moved on. She basically had a clean slate to start over, make new friends, have new experiences and just grow as a character because if there is one thing Hope so desperately needs is to be treated like a normal person. Which she had, hanging out with the human faction. And all of that was fast-tracked just to have Handon be forced back together despite neither of them actually being ready to be together again. I mean, one episode Josie and Hope are over Landon because he left them both and the next Hope is running back into his arms because Lizzie dragged him back... What kind of message is that?

And now with their incessant need to profess their undying love every two seconds, it almost comes across as if the characters aren’t actually that sure of their relationship and are trying to convince themselves that they do love each other, rather than it being something organic. It just seems forced, as if the writers are trying to get the fans to believe they love each other rather than just showing that they do.

#hope mikaelson #landon kirby #i'm just so tired #because i love both these characters with all my heart #but their relationship is wearing me out #legacies #anon #re:legacies #Anonymous

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darringauthier · 5 years

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Happy Death Day (2017)

Genre: Horror

Who’s In It: Jessica Rothe, Israel Broussard, Ruby Modine

Who Directed It: Christopher Landon

Plot: A college student must relive the day of her murder over and over again, in a loop that will end only when she discovers her killer's identity.

Running Time: 96 Minutes

IMDB Score: 6.5

Rotten Tomatoes Score: Critics 71% Audience 66%

Why I Watched It: Liked the trailer and the buzz was good sadly it took me a while to see it but I did really want to see it.

How I Watched It: Netflix Canada

Random Thoughts: So this is one of those films that I really wanted to see but somehow fell through the cracks and I know why it happens and it has happened a bunch to me. So I wait for it to come to streaming and most times I wait for it to go on sale on iTunes or it goes to a streaming service, and then I forget about it and it doesn’t go on sale then it’s off iTunes to rent then I wait 2 years or in some cases 3 years to see it.

I list this as a horror film which it is some have called it a horror comedy but I don’t think it is, it’s light at times but it’s not funny or do I feel it’s going for comedy

What I liked: This went from under the radar to a big buzz genre film, it’s not often critics like horror films more than the audience but this is one of those cases. Hats off to Happy Death Day they took the Groundhog Day formula and turned it into a slasher film but they kept it smart and fun. Tough job but they pulled it off.

The premise is clever the directing is good, the script is solid but they star is Jessica Rothe, she carries this film and literally she carries it, she’s in every scene I think or darn close to it and she plays it almost perfect, she has an arc that she needs to go through, we’ve seen it before a not great person sees the errors of their ways and through the course of the movie she becomes a better person, often an actor screws it up by going too hard in one direction but Rothe walks the line here and she’s likable even when she’s not if that makes sense. You have to care about her for this to work and I did.

I like that they took time and by doing so didn’t make the film long or dragged down the action they let everything slowly unfold but kept it interesting. There’s a fear in this type of film cause we keep seeing the same day over and over the key is the person we’re watching is learning and growing. I liked how even though it’s a slasher movie and it’s PG-13 it kept a nice tone, a film like this go go to far in either direction and here they do a nice job once again of walking that line.

What I Didn’t Lie: I liked the film I didn’t love it and the one major thing for me was the mystery, the whodunit, who’s under the mask the big reveal, i found it underwhelming now to the film’s credit I still liked it even though for me it didn’t stick the landing. I found the ending a little over the top and way too completed, they should have kept it simple and of course they don’t really explain why Rothe was repeating the day.

Other than that I have just minor nitpicks, I should say the film is set up like a slasher and it kind of is and isn’t, hardcore horror fans might find it watered down but I was cool with it.

Final Thoughts: I Liked it and it’s worth a watch and Jessica Rothe is someone to keep an eye on and yes I look forward to seeing the sequel.

Rating: 7/10

#happy death day #jessica rothe #christopher landon

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thotteus-beaumont · 5 years

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I’m in love with a boy

Summary: “Finest boy in the world...”“

“Don’t forget we have to stop at the video store.” Pete laid his head on Henry’s shoulder and sighed. For a moment or two, the three friends watched people pass them by with hoards of bags. They had laughs on their lips or kids at their hips but most of all, they just looked rushed.

Ship: Henry/Pete & background Jonesy/Beaver

Words: 4,450

{September, 1981}

The pink & blue tiles framed the spot of the floor in which Beaver had spilled his soda in a nice diamond shape.

Moon-Park Mall was about the closest shopping center to Derry (that didn’t just house dead Sears) and even it was a few miles outta the way. But the rush of after-school energy always made the trip worth it for most Derry-students.

The ceilings were lined in neon-light stripes which matched the tiles--minus the new huge fizzy-brown stain--and shined down a dewy haze of color on every customer. And the plastic trees littering each corner really enhanced the consumer paradise with a soft atmosphere comparable to a pretty sunset...that just happened to be over a ‘Frost-Bite’s: Ice Cream’.

Henry liked it well enough and the gang was far too rowdy to walk up-and-down the aisles of Derry’s finest pharmacy, Mr. Keene could only take so much.

Beaver had been trying to find a speaker to stand under when he bumped right into Pete’s side and unleashed his refreshment all over those dusty tiles.

“Fuck me Freddy.” He shook out his tiny palm and sprinkled a few extra droplets around. “I spent my last bit of cash on that shit.” His frown was genuine but the pout which followed was far exaggerated. Old ladies with baskets curled in their elbows, spared them a few glares as they strolled by.

“The forbidden drink...” Pete licked his lips and stole Beavers useless straw and made a forward gesture, as if about to suck the brown puddle up through his teeth. Jonesy kicked him.

Pete just chuckled and sat back down on the tiny bench by one of those plastic trees. He was still in his cross-country clothes; Derry Tigers stamped shorts and a matching red-and-white jacket. “No use in crying over spilled cheap-generic soda, Beav.” Henry rubbed behind his ear & bumped his glasses.

“Easy for you to say. You still got twenty-bucks left.” He scoffed.

“Oh, a, oh.” Pete echoed the song playing over the loud-speaker without even thinking about it.

“Yeah, and I’m spending it on one of those crappy hot-dogs from the food-court.” Henry stuck out his tongue.

“Oh, a, oh” This time, Jonesy joined in.

Beaver rolled his eyes but nonetheless, the four of them burst into a united annoying chorus with more of a casual expression rather than excited.

“I met your children Oh a oh What did you tell them? Video killed the radio star Video killed the radio star...”

With no obvious tell of their musical moment, “Get some paper-towels from Mr. Harper at the Pretzel place, Beav.” Jonesy lightly tapped the tiny mans back and ushered him to start in that direction.

As he took off, the others lazily plopped down on the bench and stared forward at the puddle, past their dirty sneakers. “Don’t forget we have to stop at the video store.” Pete laid his head on Henry’s shoulder and sighed.

For a moment or two, the three friends watched people pass them by with hoards of bags. They had laughs on their lips or kids at their hips but most of all, they just looked rushed. “We have to watch the movies at your place tonight cause Beav broke his VCR, remember?” Jonesy laid his head on Henry’s other shoulder for easier communication.

Pete’s nose wrinkled.

“We could always do something else.” Beaver butted in as he flew past them with crumpled up towels. He crouched down on the floor and began wiping the liquid away while Henry hummed. “We are Seniors after all--Pardon my big-boy talk, Pete. Some of us are Seniors.” He stuck his thumb over to him and Pete rolled his eyes.

“Interesting to hear big-boy speech coming from you, Beaver. What are you 5′3 now?” Pete chuckled and was rewarded with a face-full of soda drenched towel. “Ow, fuck.” He whipped it back to Beaver.

“Hey Pete, C’mere.” Henry flicked his tongue and gestured for Pete to come in close. He mumbled a few words into his friends ear in a whispered tone and both giggled.

“What are you telling him?” Beaver laid the towel over his arm and came at them like a tiny ball of fury.

Pete blinked a few times and leaned into the whisper before smirking. “Your credit-card number.”

“So?” Beaver shrugged, not seeing how that could possibly be a big deal.

“I’m gonna register you for that Modeling contest downstairs.” Pete could barely get the words out before laughing madly and hopping out of his seat. Running down the length of the 2nd floor before Beaver even started after him. He was that fast.

Jonesy craned his neck to watch them go and laughed quietly, hearing their annoying teases from way down the halls. “Where do you think they’ll end up?” he asked as the two of them slowly got up from their seat.

Henry hummed again, rolling his shoulders back. “Either the Food Court or Spinners.” Spinners had become one of Beaver’s favorite places ever since he first stepped into the aisles of records. “We better run after them, huh?”

Jonesy chuckled. “Oh, let’s get a move on.” He nodded and the two of them started to slowly stroll down the Mall, whistling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{Stupid Cupid by Connie Francis playing over muffled speakers}

Pete set his chin in the middle of his palm and watched Beaver aimlessly flicker through records. Sometimes he’d pull them out and stare for twenty or thirty seconds and then slide them back inside their bins.

Spinners sat in a nice little corner of Moon-Park which had a very convenient fry-stand nearby.

“What’s Randy doin’ today?” Pete asked, with a mouthful of salt-and-peppered garlic fries. He followed Beav with loose interest.

“Most likely making out with his girlfriend to something shitty like Jessie’s Girl.” Beaver shrugged, not much into whatever the hell it was that his older brother was doing on this fine day. “Why?”

Pete shrugged and swallowed some food. He breifly made eye contact with a passing dude in a white t-shirt that read; ‘I Love a Rainy Night’. “Remember when he used to chaperone us whenever we came here?”

Beaver took a few fries and smiled. “Yeah. Jesus-Christ-Bananas, time is kicking our asses.” He frowned and Pete pursed his lips, shrugging himself. “We’re gonna be graduating and then what?”

Pete felt a tug in his chest at the thought. He’d been doing his best all summer to pretend like they were all going to stay-together after the school year even though he knew better. “You’ll leave me behind.”

Beaver smacked the back of Pete’s head. “We say some stupid shit, don’t we Pete?” He gestured between them and Pete smiled with genuine warmth and fondness.

“We know what we are.” Pete frowned again but it was more mocking than anything and stuck out his hand. He’d been genuinely sensitive over the fact that he appeared to be a total moron compared to Henry and Jonesy ever since the start of their friendship. He was aware that outsiders recognized that fact as well. But the Beav always made him feel better because ,Hell, anyone would look dumb next to Gariella & Henry.

Beaver smacked it with joy.

“Smart enough to figure out who the villain is in Scooby-Doo-”

Pete rolled his eyes. “Be serious, idiot. It’s supposed to be something you’re actually proud of. This routine was your dumb idea anyway.”

Beaver chuckled. “Smart enough to pass Mr. Landon’s Algebra test.” He compromised and tipped his chin.

“Smart enough to get an A on that science test.” Pete smiled smugly and accepted Beavers distant yet proud whooping as he paraded once again around the aisles of Spinners.

‘I Love a Rainy Night’ guy went past Pete again with something like an interested look before pulling out a few records.

Pete turned around and nailed his back against the row of bins that Beaver was currently browsing. “Who sings that song again, Beav?” He tried to subtly point to the dude with his head.

Beaver glanced up over his glasses. “Oh, um...shit it’s-...Rabbitt.” He snapped his fingers a few times. “It’s like Joey Rabbitt or something, crap.” He mumbled a few names to himself.

Pete was pretty sure the last name was right anyway, so he slowly walked on over to stand next to the guy. “Rabbitt fan, huh?” Pete smirked.

The man nodded, looking eerily ready to play this little game. “Yeah. I am. Why?”

Pete hummed and ate another fry. “Well, you know the phrase ‘screwing like rabbits'? I think you and I can do better, want to try?”

Beaver nearly choked on his own spit as he watched the encounter. It wasn’t technically uncommon for him to see Pete do something so bold. The two boys had confided in each other (and each other only) shortly after puberty had told them that bisexual thing might apply to their horny-teenage selves.

It wasn’t exactly an accepted thing so they’d managed to keep it to themselves for a long time before they’d accidentally got drunk and maybe kissed each other to experiment. Their hypotheses were right in that they liked boys but the experiment failed in a sense because the kiss was gross. But it’d only been because the two of them were never meant to swap spit like that. Only when sharing sodas.

But this was an extremely bold move that Beaver wasn’t a fan of. If the dude happened to take offense to the ‘accusations’ that pick-up line held-

The Rabbitt fan just smiled and looked Pete up and down. “I’ll see you around.” He shook his head and strolled off.

Pete looked after him and chuckled to himself as he walked back over to the Beav who was uncharacteristically pissed.

“That could’ve been a real fuckarow, asshole.” He shook his head and took in the fact that he may have well been the ‘responsible’ one in this situation.

Pete leaned against the display again and frowned. “Sorry. But he was checking me out. I wouldn’t have said anything if I hadn’t been 100% positive, Beav.” He poked Beaver’s arm and looked mighty sorry. “I think he thought I was cute, at least?”

Pete’s voice was bright and giddy. Beaver had to giggle at the idea of an actual person having feelings for one of them. Between the four of them, none of them had ever had a real girlfriend or any meaningful sexual encounters.

{Peace Of Mind by Boston slowly transitions onto the muffled speakers}

Jonesy and Henry quickly cut off their stream of the giggles when they entered the store and happily came over.

“They didn’t take him. Too short.” Pete pursed his lips and mocked sadness, taking Beavers little arm-punch like a champ.

Henry rolled his eyes. “Beav you’re going with Jonesy to buy those dress-shoes he needs.” He gestured to the far end of the mall. “Pete, you’re coming with me to get those dang hot-dogs I want so fuckin’ bad.” He chuckled and playfully reached to grab Pete��s arm. Pete had no complaints.

The neon pink hues from the lights were bleeding into Pete Moore’s hair and blushing against his cheeks. Henry bit down on his sleeve and watched his friend messily dig into his own paper plate of food.

His mind briefly filled with memories of their childhood, he could almost taste the sweet candy that Beaver used to steal from his brother. As they grew, candy became weed. Henry chuckled to himself and swallowed a bit of hot-dog.

“Don’t laugh, I know I probably got food everywhere.” Pete rolled his eyes and took another large bite.

“No-I wasn’t laughing at you.” Henry giggled.

“Convincing, That’s what we tell Beaver when he does impressions in public-”

Henry shook his head and curled his fingers together under his chin. “Nah, I’m serious. I was just...thinking.” He rolled his lips together and felt oddly alive at the sight of Pete’s warm smile in this damn commercial building.

“What about?” Pete hummed, interested.

Henry wasn’t sure what exactly he had been thinking about. Just that it was...nice to look at Pete. To be with him. “Remember when Randy took us to the mall and you blew chunks?”

“Yeah, I was eating my weight in junk back in those days. Now, I’m all healthy and shit.” Pete wiggled his leg and gestured to his sports jacket. Henry lingered his eyes on his friends greasy tray and hummed.

“Time flies.” Henry shook his head and stole some fries off of Pete’s plate. “Soon we’ll be adults...” he widened his eyes for a few seconds while Pete seemingly paused mid-action. “I can’t imagine us like that.”

Pete swallowed and pulled his hands into his lap, leaning back casually. “I can’t imagine living past twenty-one...twenty-five, tops.” He chuckled, like it was funny but Henry felt hot anger.

Moderate traffic could be heard through the large windows and past the echoes of the thick sounding music playing over the loudspeaker. Henry picked a small collection of crumbs from between his teeth and let the neon wash over him for a second. “It’s forty for me.” He frowned, scooting closer and laying his elbows on the crusted table. “I just don’t know--...sometimes I think I was meant to be thirty...a comfortable adult, y’know? But forty?”

Pete hummed. “That’s a long time to try and stay happy.”

Henry blinked. “Yeah-...that’s...” He nodded his head and leaned back again. “That’s exactly what I think when I-...y’know?” He shook his head and sighed. They both turned towards the windows and silently observed the new falling rain, which tapped lightly.

“You’re gonna be with me though so...forty won’t be so bad.” Henry made sure to add that with the sincerest of looks. Pete made slow eye contact and dragged it out farther as he gently rested his chin on his elbows which were curled on the table. Smiling all the way like...well-...like he was looking at his best friend.

“Randy bought me a ginger-ale and walked me to the bathroom.” His chuckle was muffled as he hid his smile in the crook of his arm. “I thought that was the shit, H.” He giggled again which ignited a bit of confusion in Henry. “My best friend’s older brother was paying attention to me, y’know?”

Henry slowly copied his friends position, lowering his chin and resting it like he was falling asleep in class. “He had a Grateful Dead t-shirt on...and I thought he was the coolest guy.” Pete lazily smiled, looking a little whacked-out with charm as he always did when he was joyful. It was contagious. Especially to Henry.

He’d always been softly fond of Pete Moore.

“I gotta pee.” Pete made the move to get up.

“Hold it.” Henry smirked, teasing him slightly but also not wanting to break whatever this fun little moment was.

Pete cocked his head as if too amused with that comment to actually speak it into words.

“-I’ve seen enough brown puddles today, go to the bathroom.” Beaver cut in from behind them and happily bounced over to the table. Jonesy just bounding over from the escalator.

“He has to pee, Beav. You sick freak.” Henry stole Jonesy’s coke and took a long sip as Pete pushed little man’s shoulder on his way to the bathroom. Beaver broke out into hysteric laughter and ate the leftovers on Pete’s tray.

{A muffled version of Help Is on It’s Way by The Little River Band playing over those loudspeakers}

They’d managed to split up in all possible pairs before Henry and Pete landed together again.

Pete was strolling along the shiny pink railings and dodging large plastic leaves from the potted plants as he walked the length of the floor. Henry just followed behind him and occasionally next to him if he was able to catch up, that is.

Pete was a little in his head and had been that way since their snack break. But it didn’t stop him from roaming around the Mall as if he hadn’t been coming there since they were kids. He’d unzipped his sports jacket and revealed his old NASA t-shirt that was littered with faded stars behind a long rocket.

Henry was quietly enjoying the next time he ended up able to match Pete’s speed when he noticed some guy in a ‘I Love a Rainy Night’ shirt just down by the anchor store of their wing.

The guy seemed to be observing someone behind them with an expression of interest. It was only when they were in talking distance that Henry noticed the man was looking at Pete, who was far too deep in that mind of his to notice.

Henry wondered if they’d have to jump-start Beaver’s car to get outta the parking-lot this time.

The dude glanced down at Pete’s T-shirt just as his friend came-round from his little daze and halted.

“I think you might be a star, because I can't stop orbiting around you.” Eddie Rabbitt’s fan flicked his tongue and Pete’s cheeks no longer needed the mall light’s to glow pink. He seemed uncharacteristically at a loss for words.

Henry had to blink himself out of his own daze. He’d never seen a man so bluntly try to ‘pick-up’ another man...let alone Henry’s friend.

“Ha...” Pete looked at the patch of odd carpet they were standing on and scratched at his neck.

The man seemed to notice something that Henry didn’t and nodded his head. “Sorry, look...I thought you were someone else..” He mumbled awkwardly and went to walk off. He was a little ways a way when he turned back and gestured out behind him. “Can you tell me where the Sears is?”

Henry opened his mouth but Pete shuffled over and pointed off.

As Pete approached, the guy’s face quickly became apologetic. “Hey, look...I’m such an idiot. I didn’t even think about the fact that you might not even be um- out to your friend over there.” He frowned, in a whispered tone.

An odd flash of strong emotion punched Pete in the stomach. He blinked towards the floor and grouped his hands together, pressing them against his lips...a nervous little tick. “It’s...-” He flicked his hands out. “It’s fine.” He broke them apart and shrugged.

“Hey, man...” The man sighed. “I know this can be a lonely...and scary thing but it ain’t because of the thing itself.” He ran his hand down his face. “It’s the situation. “I know that it feels heavy to you right now and you’re scared to lose your friends or be ridiculed for just being...who you are.” Eddie Rabbitt’s fan gestured and Pete widened his eyes a little.

Henry was beginning to get antsy, wanting to know why it took so long to tell him where the Sears is.

“But you don’t need to settle for people who are going to treat you differently for that. There will always be people who love you for who you are and anyone else isn’t worth your time. You don’t need to hold this shit in just because you’re afraid to lose people who ain’t worth shit anyway.” He rolled his lips together.

“It’s the fuckin’ eighties man...I’m hoping a more accepting time is coming.” He looked around the people passing them. “I didn’t mean to come on so strong with that support, buddy. But y’know, there isn’t much of that going around for us.” He playfully slapped Pete’s frozen arm.

“Fuck man, I never really thought much of it.” Pete finally spoke.

“I admire that.” He nodded.

“Beaver giggled with me today...over a boy-...you that is.” Pete chuckled nervously.

“Beaver-?”

Pete waved his hand. “Oh it’s a nickname...for my other bisexual friend.” He laughed again. “He taught me the words.” He nodded to himself. “He taught them to me but I never really...appreciated them beyond...” He waved forward again. “Nodding along and rolling with it. Happy enough with the go-ahead that I could have more fun fooling around.”

The guy smiled and opened his mouth.

“Though to be honest, I haven’t been ‘getting any’, y’know?” Pete chuckled. “I’m only a Junior in High-school...I mean, I kissed the Beav but that was just a tester. And Julie Winters and I made-out during spin-the-bottle once.” He spoke in a rushed tone. “I think...I may have feelings for this guy but....Jesus-Christ-bananas, Henry is gonna figure out I’m not just telling you where Sears is, huh?” He frowned.

“Pete, by the way.”

“Senior. Trevor.” He stuck out his hand which Pete shook.

“My...” Pete looked back to Henry, who wiggled his nose to push up his glasses and shot him a nervous grin. “Best friends love me.” He bit into his lip but still managed a genuine closed-mouth grin, which was honestly more sincere than his toothy-smile sometimes. “And Sears is over there at the left end.” Pete happily snapped and flicked his fingers out.

“Thank you, Pete.” Trevor mocked a salute and was off in just a few seconds.

As he walked off, Henry strolled over and gave Pete an odd little curious face. He puckered his lips in a cute way and crossed his arms. Semi-distracting, in Pete’s opinion.

He opened his mouth but Pete quickly jumped in with something smart-

“I’m holding in my pee.” He blurted out and instantly regretted it.

Henry raised his brows and smirked.

“I just mean-...” Pete sighed. “I wanna talk. An hour ago, I feel like we were having this great conversation and I tried to get out of it by peeing.” He gestured back to the food-court. Henry only smiled, rubbing his curled finger against the tip of his nose. “But I won’t this time.”

“I don’t want you to burst, Pete.” Henry chuckled.

The bathrooms were no escape from the neon lights and colors, though they were an exclusive club for painted fish wall-decorations.

Henry was observing the way the colored bulbs bounced light over the fake scales of a miserable angelfish, one eye opened & his head cocked, while Pete’s stream of pee flowed behind his view.

“So, we left off on Randy?” Henry leaned his head back on the tiny wall which separated the mirrors from the row of urinals.

The stream turned into a trickle and then faded off with a zipper finale. Pete stood in-front of the urinal for a few seconds and listened to the muffled version of Fleetwood Mac playing throughout the Mall, just outside the doors.

He hummed and leaned back on the same wall, just behind Henry’s side. “Yeah. We did. Remember the ginger-ale?” Pete playfully reached over his shoulder to tap wherever he assumed Henry’s arm was resting. Henry hummed back.

Fleetwood Mac transitioned into a quiet Zombies song...’She’s Not There’...

The vocals seemed to bounce off those ugly yellow-plastic chairs which filled the sitting area outside. Henry turned so that his temple was what was resting on the wall and crossed his arms again. “I liked everything about Randy. He was older and cooler than us...” Pete spoke much softer. “The first time we went cruisin’ in his old car, his cup-holders were all sticky from coke residue and we were all singing along to ‘Stand by Me’...and that was my favorite fucking day ever.”

Henry watched Pete come ‘round from behind him and plop down onto the counter, covering the ‘No Smoking’ sign. “Douglas was there and he was singing with us. He kept repeating the same lines and it was way damn better than the actual song.” Pete chuckled at the memory.

Henry nodded, smiling too.

“I somehow thought Randy was responsible for creating that day and making it so special. It had been his car, after all? And he’d looked so fucking cool driving with the sun-set and shit. But it was the five of us, really. That was my real favorite part.” Pete gestured between them. “But...I was kinda gone on Randy back then, just didn’t really know it. Probably why I experimented with Beaver when I first recognized my feelings for dudes, huh?”

Henry pursed his lips. “Maybe. Subconsciously.” He nodded and Pete was expecting more from him. “I didn’t know you had feelings for dudes...” He coughed awkwardly.

Pete nodded, that shy smile came out again. “Yeah. Me and The Beav both.” He shrugged, looking up at the fish painted above Henry’s head.

Henry pushed his glasses up his nose and smiled, softly. “So, are you-?”

“Bisexual is the term that Beaver taught me. Means I’m into boys & girls. Same with him.” Pete narrowed his eyes in thought and hopped off the counter. He started to stroll out of the bathroom and back out to the brighter world of the Moon-Park Mall.

{A muffled version of Thirteen by Big Star playing over the loudspeakers}

Pete and Henry silently glide down towards the first floor by way of escalator, music playing but no words exchanged.

“By the way, my-’not talking in thirty minutes’-is a show of support.” Henry playfully yet awkwardly bumped their arms together just before they hopped off and dodged the play-train as it rolled past. Pete chuckled and shoved his fists deep into the pockets of his Derry Tigers jacket.

“I figured.” Pete shook his head with a smile. “Process it, H.” He shrugged.

Henry nodded. They walked towards the video-store and exchanged a few nervous glances.

“You experimented with Beav?” Henry blurted as they past a few quarter-swallow’s, as Beaver called the little machines which popped out gumballs and shit. Pete nodded and Henry hummed for the millionth time. “But it wasn’t good?”

“Nah. We’re not like that.” Pete stuck out his tongue in disgust. “That Randy thing is long-gone too. Just so you know.”

Henry pursed his lips. “Cool.”

Pete stopped walking and gave him a little-look. “Cool?” He raised his brows and Henry smiled.

“Cool.”

Pete did a little mini-shrug of surprise and giddiness. “Cool.” He repeated, more to himself.

Beaver was making Jonesy tie his shoe for him and glancing around at the videos on the shelves, a smile on his face.

“Do you ever get the feeling that horror films are becoming far too cliche?” Jonesy mumbled as he finished tying. They were standing in-between the horror aisle and the classics. “I think they need to make something crazy. Fucking aliens or some shit coming to earth and killing you from the inside-out.” He chuckled.

Beaver shook his head. “Oh, you are so the boy for me.” He chuckled, knowing all-too well that Jonesy didn’t hear a thing.

#sorry if this sucks #dreamcatcher #dreamcatcher (2003)#pete moore #beaver clarendon #henry devlin #Gary Jones #stephen king #stephen king books #my fanfiction

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theoddcatlady · 7 years

Text

Do The Right Thing

We had a plan. Break in while the Parker couple were at their daughter’s violin recital, take whatever we can throw in the backseat, get the fuck out before they get back. But shit hit the fan, and I was now sitting in the corner of the living room wondering what the hell to do next.

“Oh my god, can someone shut the brat up!?” Justin snapped as he paced around the room, running his hand through his bleach destroyed hair. His ski mask was clutched tightly in his other hand as he gritted his teeth.

Brian didn’t get up from where he was sitting, his eyes were still closed. He was probably trying to seem calm but you could see the rigidness in his shoulders from a mile away. “Justin, yelling isn’t going to help. Sit down, you’re pissing me off.”

“Do you think he’s dead?”

My head jerked over to where Tyler was sitting, his leg bouncing up and down, an anxious habit of his. I sighed and planted my face in my hands. “Tyler. You shot him in the head.”

“Y-yeah, but the TV said he was being rushed to the hospital! Maybe he’s just fine! I don’t wanna go down for murder!” Tyler seemed to grow even paler as he realized he might’ve killed a man.

Justin almost lunged for Tyler, only to have Brian grab him by the back of the shirt and yank him back down to the couch. “Tyler, it’s not looking good, but if you stay calm, I can fix this screw up.” Brian glanced over to the chair, where a six year old girl was handcuffed to the arm. “Besides. We still have leverage.”

“Leverage that is seriously going to make me want to kill myself if she doesn’t stop fucking crying!” Justin glared violently at the kid and I felt my stomach twist. The girl hiccuped before she went back to bawling.

Knowing that if she didn’t shut up she could get us in more trouble, I got up and walked over to the chair, sitting beside the little girl. She whimpered and shied away as I got close, I just gently rested a hand on hers.

“Hey, I’m Miles, what’s your name?” I said quietly.

The little girl sniffled, wiping off her round cheeks with her sleeve. “A… Abigail,” She said quietly.

“Abigail. That’s a nice name. I have a sister about your age named Kaitlyn.” I managed to force a smile to try to look friendly. “Hey, we’ll give you back to your dads, as soon as this is all over. I promise.”

Justin snorted and I nearly got up to punch him in the head, but Abigail gripped my hand so tightly I thought one of my fingers might pop off. Her dark eyes looked up hopefully at me. “I’m really hungry, Mr. Miles,” She whined.

Right. Kids got hungry. I looked around the room. “I’ll check the fridge, do you like pizza?” Judging by how Abigail’s eyes lit up, she was onboard for pizza. I don’t think I’ve ever met a kid who wasn’t onboard for pizza though.

I headed into the kitchen and looked through our almost bare fridge. I swore quietly as I realized the only frozen pizza we had was badly freezer burned. Ick. No way I was giving that to the kid. There wasn’t much else in there either, nothing a kid would like at least, and the fridge only had what was probably molded over refried beans and two beers left out of a six pack. Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen.

I shut the fridge and turned around to see Brian. I nearly jumped out of my skin, the guy could be quieter than death. “Jesus, man! Whatcha want?” I asked.

“Can we put the kid in your room?”

Brian had a very calm way of talking, not much could make him raise his voice. I shrugged. “Don’t really care, why?”

“Justin’s getting pissed off and it’s scaring her. If we shove her in your room, she’ll probably calm down so I don’t get the neighbors asking why they hear a crying kid in the living room. And you seem to have a soft spot for her, so I figured might as well ask you.”

Ah, right. “Hey man, I just don’t see the point of being a dick to kids. Can I make a food run, we got nothin’ and she just complained about being hungry, so…”

“Make it back in an hour.” Brian shoved a twenty dollar bill in my hand. “And get Abigail set up in your room first.”

I mockingly saluted before walking back to the living room, jamming the cash in my pocket. Abigail looked up from her spot, she seemed so tiny. “Hey, Abigail,” I said, attempting to sound cheerful as I pulled out the key and undid the cuffs. “Let’s go chill in my room for a bit, all right? You’re probably tired.”

“Not really, but okay.” She hopped down from the chair and obediently followed me into my bedroom, where I hastily kicked some boxers and a porno magazine under my bed before she could see. I sat her on my bed and patted her back.

“I gotta go get some food real quick, okay? You just stay in here-”

“Don’t go!”

Abigail gripped onto my arm so tight it nearly cut off circulation. I did my best not to yelp as I untangled her from me best I could. She shook her head frantically, looking back to the living room. “That one man in there, he’s super mad! What if he hurts me?”

My blood boiled. Justin was acting pissier by the minute, it wouldn’t surprise me if he lashed out. “If he tries anything, I give you full permission to beat the ever living shit out of him.”

Abigail gasped. “You said a bad word!” She said in the most shocked tone.

Okay, that was cute. I laughed and ruffled her hair. “Sorry, sorry. I give you permission to fight back with all you got, all right? I’ll be back as fast as I can with dinner.”

Something about that sweet smile tugged at my heart strings. What a sweet kid. No wonder her dads were willing to let us have anything we wanted as long as we didn’t hurt her… then Tyler had to be a panicky dumb ass and fire his gun. I’d only seen someone get shot in the movies, but seeing the man’s body hit the floor while a puddle of blood surrounded his form while his husband stood there in shock, unable to even scream… it’d probably haunt my nightmares for the rest of my life.

The convenience store wasn’t a long walk away from our place, and I headed straight to the frozen section in the back. Shit. I didn’t ask if Abigail wanted anything on her pizza. I decided a cheese one would have to do, some kids are picky about their toppings. I grabbed a bottle of fruit punch too, as well as some snacks for me and the guys. I walked up to the front and made small talk with the cashier as she scanned my items.

“So, the Parkers got robbed last night,” She said.

I tried to seem casual as I passed her the bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. “Yeah, think I heard something about that on the local news. They all right?” I asked.

The cashier, her name tag said Gillian, clicked her tongue and shook her head. “Landon Parker got shot in the head, got rushed to the hospital. Somehow he’s still alive, I didn’t think it was possible to survive that.” She lifted her fingers to her head and mocked shooting herself, I somehow didn’t flinch. “Pow! Your brain matter gets blown out and that’s all she wrote.”

“Eh, miracles happen. I’ve heard of it.” I shrugged as I took the plastic bag she handed me.

“That’ll be eighteen dollars and forty eight cents, please.”

I walked back home with a little change in my pocket and frozen pizza in tow. I nearly broke out into nervous sweats when I saw a cop car pass by, but they didn’t even slow down. Paranoia was already getting to me.

I walked in one minute to the hour limit to find hell had broken loose.

Tyler was screaming and sobbing while holding his neck which was currently dripping blood down the front of his shirt. I swore and dropped the food, the fruit punch bottle bursting when it slammed against the floor.

“Shit! What the fuck happened!?” I ran to his side, carefully peeling back his hand to take a look. It looked way worse than it probably was, but I still took off my jacket to press against his neck. I looked up at Brian, who was just… standing there. He wasn’t moving. He just had this expression I’d never seen on him before.

I think it was fear.

Tyler was too hysterical to talk, but Brian just looked in the direction of my bedroom. I saw that the door was cracked open… and I saw blood on the wall.

Oh god no.

I bolted to the room, I think I heard Brian mumble something but I don’t know what. I slammed open my door the rest of the way and nearly slipped on the blood.

It was everywhere. The floors, the walls, even the fucking ceiling was soaked in blood. I gagged as I caught my balance before I looked in the center of the room.

It didn’t even look like a body anymore. I saw the ripped open torso, the ribs spread open as the organs slid out onto my floor. Legs that had been bent in so many jarring ways it was hard to even see them as legs.

And Justin’s head was cradled in Abigail’s hands as she licked at his neck, her entire body soaked in blood.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Abigail sucked on one of the arteries hanging from his neck and a bubble of blood exploded on her face. She immediately began to giggle before she bit into Justin’s cheek and tore away, chewing happily on the skin and flesh before she caught sight of me.

She looked ashamed as she dropped the head and backed away, guilt filling her blood stained face. “I’m sorry, Mr. Miles… I… I got too hungry… oh, I’m sorry!” She hid her face behind her hands, acting more like a child who got caught with their hand in the cookie jar than one who was caught eating a fucking person.

I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t make my mouth work. I just looked around the room again, expecting for Justin to pop out like ‘you’ve been pranked, boy!’He always did like his pranks.

“I… Abigail, what happened?” My voice cracked. I was shaking. I couldn’t make myself step inside the room any further than I already had.

Abigail lowered her hands to suck on one of her fingers, sighing as she stared at the corpse on the floor. “Justin got mad and came in saying I was being a bad word and that he wasn’t putting up with me anymore. He… he hit me...” She sniffled before picking up his head, cradling it in her arms. “And I just couldn’t stop myself, I was soooo hungry!”

Oh dear god. She really was eating Justin. I opened my mouth only to bolt from the room and run into the bathroom to puke. Last night’s dinner splattered across the grungy floor tile and the toilet seat as I fell to my knees.

I could still smell the blood.

I got up and stumbled to the living room. Tyler was now laying on the couch, pale but he’d calmed down. Brian was still standing in the living room. I could now see blood on his hands. “… Tyler… tried to help him, I swear, but that kid… she nearly ripped out Tyler’s throat. She had fangs probably big as my finger. I had to pick between him and Justin and Justin looked already too far gone to save.” He shivered and wrapped his arms around himself. “… What the fuck are we going to do?”

I looked back to the bedroom.

“What we should’ve done at the beginning of this bull shit.”’

I opened the door, somehow expecting to see my room miraculously back to the way it was, not soaked in blood. Abigail was now sitting on my bed, looking like she was about to fall into a food coma. I carefully watched my step as I approached her.

“Hey, Abigail?” I kept my voice carefully level, god knew if she was pissed at me.

Abigail looked up at me, her eyes tired. She was ready for a nap. “Yeah?” She asked quietly.

“… How about we go for a drive, after you take a shower. I think it might make you feel better.”

Back when I still lived with my family, I’d used to take my little sister out on car drives to help her fall asleep. I’d redressed Abigail in an old t-shirt of mine, it was practically a dress on her. She’d konked out before we were on the road for more than ten minutes.

I knew where to go.

It was late, but I saw a few families playing on the swingset, enjoying the peaceful sunset. I looked out at them almost longingly before turning around. Abigail was fast asleep, curled up in a little ball in the backseat.

Quietly, so not to disturb her, I crawled back there and picked her up. She murmured quietly but didn’t stir, so I carried her out to a park bench and laid her there. I sighed and smoothed the hair from her face.

Time to go.

I hurried to the car and after honking twice, I sped out of there, fast as I could. I got back to the house and slept on the couch that night, Brian was in my room scrubbing the place up and down. By the time I woke up it was like none of it had ever happened, except now everything reeked of lemon cleaner. We told our landlord that Justin had moved out back to his parent’s place, and we tossed mostly everything he owned.

A few weeks later our local news station covered the miraculous return of Abigail Parker, who was found left on a park bench asleep after her abduction. Her dad had made a miraculous recovery, he was comatose for a week before waking up and asking for his daughter.

The three all posed for the pictures and Abigail was smiling ever so brightly.

I hope what I did what the right thing.

#horror stories #scary stories #creepypasta #creative writing #writers on tumblr #my stories

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landonkirbyappreciation · 2 years

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Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if the real reason the writers took away Landon’s emotions was because they’d seen the way fans were talking about how Landon was never reacting to anything, and the confusion and frustration from Landon fans about why Landon’s emotions and trauma were never being addressed. And rather than deciding to actually address and explore Landon’s emotions, the writers wanted to create a reason that would allow them to continue ignoring his emotions instead. That way, fans would no longer question it if they made it so Landon literally couldn’t feel anything. They could then get away with continuing to dismiss Landon’s feelings because, well, he doesn’t have any now. I’d just not be surprised at all if that was the case, that they just did it to give themselves an excuse to keep treating Landon like he has no emotions... by literally making it so he has no emotions. I mean, they made it so clear that they didn’t care about Landon’s feelings at all and then they took them away altogether? Seems like they really wanted to make sure they’d never have to acknowledge Landon’s feelings or pain or him as a person.

I know we’re supposed to believe they took away his emotions because they were gonna have a storyline focused on Landon and his emotions in a season 5, and that storyline and Landon’s character were gonna play a big part of the season, but I don’t believe that for a second. They ignored Landon for two entire seasons, and did nothing with the other huge storylines they’d set up for him. I can’t imagine they were about to change after what they did to him all that time. And if they’d wanted to explore his emotions, they had the perfect opportunity to do that in season 4, and to really delve into his emotions and trauma. There was major potential for them to explore Landon both emotionally and mentally, and they chose to do absolutely nothing. If they didn’t do it then, when it was most important for Landon’s character after what he went through in season 3, they weren’t about to do it with a season 5. I think it’s more likely that they wanted to make sure they’d have a reason to continue treating Landon the way they had been if the show got renewed. I think if a season 5 had happened, it probably would’ve been much like season 4, with them keeping Landon in limbo and giving him the bare minimum and just using him for other characters. All while not having to worry about addressing his now nonexistent feelings. And maybe they would’ve thrown in some reason for him to get his emotions back at the end of the season without really exploring it at all, which would’ve been underwhelming and ended up meaning nothing for Landon’s character, just like they did with Hope and her humanity. Because that’s just the way their writing was. I mean, they wouldn’t properly explore any character or storyline, least of all Landon. They would’ve never done any sort of justice to a storyline about him getting his emotions back, even if they did address it at some point, though I really feel like they would’ve hardly done anything with it.

And when they’d already came up with all their reasons and excuses for screwing Landon over and neglecting his character, it feels like them taking away his emotions was just another way to do that. Just like how they made him “belong” in limbo so that they could keep him trapped there, it’s very possible that they took away his emotions so that they’d be able to keep disregarding that part of his character. But even without another season, they clearly thought having that as Landon’s ending would still be a win. Which isn’t surprising because it’s like the ultimate slap in the face for Landon, the ultimate way for the writers to show that Landon and his feelings do not matter. By taking them, and the most important part of Landon and who he is, away. It really seems like erasing Landon in every way they could, without actually getting rid of his character completely, was their goal whether the show got renewed or not.

#text #s4 #my posts #i thought it was so ironic how #they’d been writing landon as if he had no feelings the whole season #and then took his feelings away?#as if there was any difference #like i swear they just wanted a reason to justify writing him that way #so that they could keep doing it #so that they’d be able to keep treating him like nothing more than a prop #without fans continuing to question what was going on with landon emotionally #anti legacies

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aghostpost · 8 years

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Heatwave Pt.1 (Frank Castle x Reader)

A/N: Long time no post! This is going to be a two parter simply because I felt ridiculous trying to cram all of this in one piece! I’ve definitely written long inserts before but it’s been a while so now apparently I get nervous the moment I hit 3500 ;- ; I’ll get back to myself soon. Also if you’ve sent a request they have been seen! I have started all of them, it’s the finishing part that’s... tricky. ♥

Warning(s): Some language, abortion mention but nothing gruesome or too heartbreaking

Word Count: 3525

It didn’t make sense for it to be this hot out, and on top of it my air conditioner was busted for the millionth time this week. I’d savor the cool train ride for as long as I could. I looked at the head of the tiny person beside me as he played with his action figures.

“You’re gonna be good for Mimi and grandpa, right?” I asked him, rubbing a hand across his freshly cut head. It was too hot for the thick mess he had before. He nodded fervently, too distracted with his toys to even give a shred of thought to my question. I smiled and kissed his head sweetly and enjoyed the remainder of the air conditioned train ride to my parents’ house.

After a quick visit with them I made it back to my sweltering hellhole of an apartment, running to stand in front of my freezer and cool off. I enjoyed it though brief it was since some knocks came to my door only minutes later. “Yeah, I’m coming,” I called to the unexpected visitor. I opened the door and Jay was on the opposite side. My face twisted in confusion. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Hey.” He held up the small stuffed alien that I was surprised managed to somehow leave our kid’s side. “Rolled under the bed.”

“Thank you,” I said, taking it from him and stepping aside to invite him in. “He’s visiting my parents.”

“Jesus, Y/N, you got the heat on or somethin’?”

“Piece of shit AC is broken; it works when it wants. That’s why I didn’t want Landon here until later tonight once it cools off a bit.” I made my way back to the kitchen, pulling a beer from the freezer and tossing it to him before grabbing my own. “You didn’t have to come all the way here to bring that.”

“You kiddin’ me? You know what happens the moment he realizes it’s missin’...” I chuckled and shook my head, rubbing the ice cold can on the back of my neck. He smiled, cracking his beer open for a sip. “You want me to take a look at that thing or what?” he asked, nodding his head towards the AC.

“I got a guy coming tomorrow morning. Can’t count on the maintenance here for jack shit.”

“I mean, you know I could just help you get another one-”

“-Like I said, it’ll be fixed tomorrow.” I turned the fan in the window onto its highest speed before falling onto the couch and opening my beer.

He sighed, reclining at the far end of the couch. “When are you gonna stop being mad at me, Y/N?”

“I don’t wanna talk about this-”

“-We’re gonna have to-”

“-It’s too fucking hot to argue with you about this right now-”

“-Then don’t make it an argument.”

I shrugged and shook my head. “... You’re a drug dealer, Jason.”

He nodded slowly before setting his beer on the coffee table and reaching into his pocket and pulling out a wad of cash. “I take care of my son however I need to.” He rested the money on the coffee table. “That’s food, help with rent, and a new air conditioner if you want. Now if I were doin’ something a bit more… legal, I wouldn’t even be able to give you half of that-”

“-Damn it, Jay!” I shot out of my seat and walked away from him and paced the kitchen floor. “It’s not about the money!” I shouted. “I won’t be getting that, half, or anything at all if you’re in jail! Or even worse, somewhere outlined in chalk in the middle of the street!”

“You can’t think like that-”

“-The hell I can! We have a son together, who I’d have to take care of by myself! I’d have to explain that his dad won’t be around anymore; no money is gonna fix that!” I took a sip of beer as a distraction and closed my eyes, focusing on the hum of the freezer to calm myself down. “What do you want from me?”

He got up and came over to me, his face full of sincerity and a calm that I missed about him. He always looked so at peace, and looking at him was like taking a deep breath. “Keep doing what you’re doing. Take care of Landon, and take care of yourself. I’ll handle the rest.” He shook his head. “You can’t worry about me, I won’t allow it.” He gave me half a smile and pulled my hair from my shoulders, the sticky and sweaty mess it was. “You were the best thing that happened to me.”

“Landon’s supposed to be the best thing that happened to you.”

“Well you’re half of that equation. Can’t have him without you, now can I?” He kissed my forehead which struck a very familiar chord in me that was difficult to ignore.

I sighed. “How’s Vanessa?” Maybe reminding him of his current romantic interest would snap us back to reality.

“Also mad at me but for very different reasons.”

“You’ve always been good at pissing people off.” I rested my hands on his chest, smoothing out some wrinkles I noticed in his t-shirt. “Does Landon like her?”

“Yeah, I think so. They like playing board games with each other. I think she likes him more than she likes me sometimes.”

“Is she living with you yet?”

“No, but she spends enough time at my place.” I sighed and he shook his head with a tilt of the corner of his mouth and lifted my chin, staring at my lips as he spoke. “Since he’s at your parents’ today you can keep him tomorrow. I’ll pick him up after school on Monday for the week.”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

“Remember what I said: take care of our son. Take care of yourself.”

“And just ignore you, right?”

“Exactly.”

I rolled my eyes and turned away from him and back to the freezer. I couldn’t even go a minute away from it so it seemed, let alone this long. I cracked the ice tray in my hand and rubbed two cubes along the back of my neck. “... You remember why we ever got together?”

“Because I annoyed you into givin’ me a shot?”

“And you remember being the one convincing me to keep the baby when I didn’t think I wanted to? We had a slip and got pregnant after we broke up and I didn’t want you or me to think a baby would repair us, but you were persuasive. And I couldn’t ignore you any time we got back together just to break right back up. I couldn’t ignore you any of those times and I can’t ignore you now, Jason.”

“You seem to remember things a little milder than me. I don’t think you got that scar on your arm ‘cuz I was so charming...”

“You forget I knew you for eight years before this scar. You don’t have a mean, hurtful bone in your body.” When I initially broke the news about being pregnant to Jay he was shocked, but in general okay with having a child. When I told him my feelings about using a baby to mend our screwed up relationship and that I was leaning towards termination, of course he got upset and shoved me. I fell back onto a hot pan on the stove which burned my arm. That was the one single act of mistreatment I ever received from Jason, which I knew came from a place of hurt and confusion, so I never held it against him. Like I said, he’d been good to me the eight years prior, and the five years after I had no complaints. Most importantly, I couldn’t have asked for a better father for my son.

Well, maybe one that wasn’t a drug dealer. Apart from that, Jay’s a blessing.

“Ah man. I should get going,” he stated as he walked up behind me, pulling down the tank top that clung to my sticky skin. “I could never resist you when you were nice to me,” he joked.

“When am I not nice to you?” I faced him, not expecting him to be directly behind me. There was a knock at the door but neither of us moved. We stood front to front, grins plastered on our faces as we stared each other down. “Bye, Jay,” I spoke with a tone of warning. Somehow trouble always had a habit of finding its way to us, and the chemistry between us was still at a high. No matter how hard we both tried there was still something between us. Even now he had a girlfriend and I was in the beginning stages of seeing someone myself, but I still couldn’t deny that there was something between us. Again, another rap on the door. “Tell Vanessa I said hi.”

He chuckled to himself. “Have the kid call me before he goes to bed tonight.”

“‘Kay; let me walk you o-”

“-Hold on hold on, can I finish my beer first?” He left the kitchen and went to grab the sweating can from the living room table. I closed the door of my freezer, empty save for some ice trays and a few bags of frozen vegetables, and went to see who was at the door.

It was Frank. I haven’t told Jay about Frank because I wasn’t quite sure what there was to tell. I met him at a pub in the city one night. He walked me home and we got to talking and met up a few more times at the same spot. I couldn’t tell him we were dating because we weren’t. I don’t even know if I could say we were friends. I mean, he’s helped me fix up a few things around the apartment but mostly we just fuck. He’s never met Landon, only seen the pictures of him around the place. I knew better than to introduce a man to my son if I wasn’t sure how long they’d be in the picture.

“Frank. Hi.”

He looked over my shoulder as he spoke. “Hi. Am I interrupting something?”

“N-no, come in,” I invited, stepping aside to make room for his massive form. He paused, his eyes going back and forth between Jay and myself before slowly stepping inside. As if it wasn’t hot enough the pressure now building in the room between these two was making me break out into a nervous sweat. “You want a beer?” I offered, but he said nothing. I noticed instead of staring at Jason he was now eyeing the stack of cash on the coffee table, his face cold as stone as he looked back at me. I cleared my throat. “Um- Frank, this is Jason. Jason, Frank.”

Jason extended his hand; he was always good at looking an awkward situation dead in the face. “How ya doin’, Frank?”

He took his hand in his firmly with a face full of skepticism. “You’re, uh… Jason the ex, right?”

Jay’s brows raised as he looked at me. “I guess so. And you’re Frank the…?”

I thought now the best time to intercept since I could see this heading in a sour direction. “You sure you don’t want anything to drink? I know it’s hotter in here than it is outside.”

“No, I can handle the heat. I came here for my jacket, think I left it the other night.” He made sure to project those last few words and my heart shit itself. He visited after Landon had went to bed and was out just as quickly as he came, but Jay and I hadn’t had the talk about me having men over. Surely he’d want to have one after that comment.

“The other night? So you’ve met our son then?”

“Jay-”

“-I haven’t. I’m leaving that moment up to Y/N if she ever thinks the time is right.”

He nodded agreeably. “Hm, respectful of you. Much more respectful than sneaking in and out of here while he sleeps at night to be with Y/N, but-”

“-Umm, come with me, let’s find your jacket. Jason, we aren’t having this conversation right now.”

“I don’t think you wanna get to talkin’ about respect,” Frank said, a grin sneaking onto his face. His tone suggested trouble so I began pulling him back towards the bedroom to yes, get his jacket but more importantly, to put distance between these two.

“Frank, I’m gonna tell you the same thing I told him: it’s too hot to argue, alright? Now c’mon, please-”

“-What, I don’t respect Y/N? You know somethin’ I don’t, Frank?”

“Jason, that’s enough!”

“What’d you tell him, Y/N?”

“She didn’t tell me nothin’, I just know that you put your hands on her. I know that. S’at how you show respect to the mother of your child?”

It was so quiet you could hear the heat radiating from every body in the room. Never in a million years did I think I’d be standing here in this moment, where innocent pillow talk is thrown in my face and the face of my ex. I couldn’t look at either of them. Looking at Frank would infuriate me, and I knew if I looked at Jason I’d see shock and hurt on his face. It didn’t matter. That one comment was enough to end whatever pissing match these two were having and send Jay heading to the door. Of course I followed him.

“He asked where the scar came from and I told him- I was just being honest, okay? I wasn’t sitting around bashing you or anything, I would never do that-”

“-I’ll see you tomorrow, Y/N.”

“Wait- But you said I could keep him until Monday-”

“-That was before I knew this asshole was creeping around like a thief in the night!”

“You have Vanessa over!”

“Oh stop it, don’t try to make this the same thing- I’ve been dating Vanessa for almost a year; you tellin’ me you datin’ this guy?”

“No, but-”

“-Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Jay, that’s not fair, you can’t punish me for this… Jason!” My apartment door slammed shut and there was no more to be said or done. Honestly, it was too hot for all of this! I stormed to my bedroom and looked in my closet for Frank’s jacket before going back to the living room and shoving the cause of this visit to his chest. “Get out.”

“You mad at me?”

“How dare you talk to him that way?”

“How dare I?”

“He’s the father of my kid! He’s a good person, he didn’t deserve that!”

“A good person puts their hands on you-”

“-I told him I was having an abortion!” I didn’t tell Frank that chunk of information when I gave him the backstory to my scar, so I wasn’t surprised when his face froze. “Believe it or not, not everyone reacts well to that sorta news, hearing someone wants to get rid of their baby. He reacted and a hot stove just so happened to be behind me. He didn’t beat me up and down the walls, didn’t verbally berate me and make my life hell on a daily basis. I hurt his feelings and I got pushed. One incident. End of story.”

“An’ what, you think that makes it okay?”

“I think if I don’t have a problem with it no one else should, especially you. You don’t even know me!”

“I know that’s a lotta money over there on that table…”

“And?”

“Drug money?”

“I don’t see how that is any of your business-”

“-So you’re interests still lie in some thug ex of yours-”

“-Thug? You think I’m blind, Frank? Every time I see you your knuckles are stained purple. Every time we have sex you think I don’t see new cuts and bruises the moment you lift your shirt up? You may not be a drug dealer but I don’t see you working some corporate career either, so don’t you go pointing fingers at anyone!”

“It’s sweet, how defensive you are of him,” he said with a smug grin.

“And I didn’t peg you for the jealous type.”

“Jealous? Excuse me if scumbag drug dealers that wrongfully touch a woman put me in a shit mood.”

“Which is fine, because you can take your mood and leave my apartment. I don’t want you here.”

“You don’t want me here?”

“You hard of hearing alla sudden, Frank?”

“No I hear you loud and clear I just don’t think you mean it.”

I scoffed, shaking my head. “It’s funny; this is probably the most you’ve spoken to me in one sitting. All this talk of things you know absolutely nothing about-”

“-I don’t need to know every detail, I know more than enough-”

“-You don’t know anything!”

“I know he’s a drug dealer. I know you’re taking his money, probably because you two have a kid together-”

“-Don’t bring my son into this-”

“-History, whatever it is! You think it’s safe for him having a criminal like that in his-”

His words were cut off when my hand collided with his face. Landon. My son. My only trigger and he pulled it one time too many during this visit. “Do not bring up my son again.” His face registered nothing, no flex of his jaw, no furrow of his brow. He nodded once curtly. “You have your coat, and you’ve thoroughly pissed me off and left a great mess for me to clean. Leave.”

“... At least let me fix your AC since I’m already here; won’t have to see my face tomorrow.”

I left him to do whatever he wanted. At that point I felt like I was going to pass out from heat, both internal and external, so my immediate solution was to get away from a great source of what, or who, was burning me up. A cool shower sounded great.

I peeled off the jean shorts that were now clinging to me and my tank top and climbed in the shower, letting what would normally send me running to the far end of the tub but was now a blessing wash over me and cool me down. Quickly each strand of hair stuck to my head and shoulders until I bent forward, letting them cascade around me as I closed my eyes. I had to apologize to Jason. He had a thick skin and a carefree nature, so most likely he had already blown off the situation. But it didn’t sit well with me, him possibly thinking I was speaking ill of him behind his back and especially to a stranger. I also didn’t want him thinking I let Frank in the same space with Landon often. It was true, they never crossed paths and I told Frank they wouldn’t until I felt comfortable. I didn’t even think it necessary, him only coming over for a fuck and the occasional leftovers from dinner.

I deeply inhaled the smell of my coconut bodywash filling the room when there was a knock on the door, one I had no intention of answering. It ended up not mattering since he opened the door and let himself in anyway, but didn’t say a word. I sighed, my moment of relaxation ruined. I pulled back the sliding door of the shower and poked my head out, staring at him silently.

“I got it runnin’ out there; it should cool off in about an hour or somethin’.”

I said nothing, only ducked back into the shower and waited for him to leave, only he didn’t. I still felt his presence as I rinsed conditioner from my hair, as I scrubbed my face clean of the day’s sweat. “I’m sorry, Y/N.” Another sigh. It was weird, us being in this predicament. This was someone I hadn’t known for more than three months tops and here he was, arguing with my ex and apologizing to me while I showered. I don’t even know the guy’s birthday and he’s defending me to someone I’ve known since high school, someone I have a child with. It was incredibly backwards and even more frustrating. I opened the door a crack and peeked out again. His face was still cold, but softer than usual. He was apologetic. “Come here,” I said simply. He obliged without hesitation, walking over to stand directly in front of me. I looked him up and down. He had his retrieved jacket on and surprisingly hadn’t looked like he broke a sweat all day; guess he could handle the heat after all. Let’s see how well he fared in some cold. “Get in.” Again, action with a moment’s pause. He kicked off his boots as he took his jacket off, not taking his eyes from mine the entire time he disrobed. Just like I mentioned before, cuts and scars were revealed once his shirt hit the bathroom tile.

Looking at him I felt my aggression dissipate.

Fuck.

#frank castle #frank x reader #frank castle imagine #frank castle x reader #frank castle fic

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furfoxsake22 · 7 years

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Airship

I had never intended to love this life that I started living. I had never intended to love working on this airship or the people on it. I love working with the mechanics of the engine and getting to meet all the new people. Even though I’m no longer in my old town, maybe that isn’t such a bad thing. My life was starting to get boring and I wanted to do something more. Even though I’m only 19, I felt like I was stuck there and couldn’t leave – like that was going to be my future for the rest of my days. Then, these air pirates showed up. Air pirates are exactly what they sound like pirates the pillage towns and travel around on giant airships. These specific pirates are called the Skyscrapers, they weren’t the worst pirates in the land but they were not nice. They showed me how exciting life can be and that you don’t have to be stuck in one place. I was excited and giddy the first few days on the airship, I started to get accustomed to the swaying of the ship and the routine that everyone had. Sitting in the engine room is boring when nothing interesting happens but at least I have Sam to talk to. Sam is the first engine room manager. He’s about 60, but even though he’s old he still is a great engine man. Speaking of which he’s sleeping at his desk so I’m stuck being bored. Of course, as soon as I said that one of the cooling pipes in the engine bursts. Cold water was being sprayed everywhere. “Sam pipe burst!” I see him jolt awake from the cold water hitting him. “What?! I’m Awake!” he gets up from his chair and walks over to the engine not seeming to be as concerned about the burst as I was. I started frantically looking for the pipe “Oh wait Sam I found it. Hand me a new pipe and I can fix it.” Stupid copper pipes always breaking. Sam handed the me new pipe and I crawled under the engine, Sam couldn’t do this part. He’s to old and to big, I grabbed the old pipe and twisted it off of the engine and its connector. Doing this while cold water is being sprayed onto you and directly into your eyes is not the easiest thing in the world but I managed. I placed the new pipe in and twisted it tight finally stopping the water. “Ha! Fixed it Sam” I was about to roll out before I heard a clanking sound “Althea before you come out can you figure out what that is. I have never heard that sound before” I looked back up into the engine trying to see if I could find anything. “I don’t get it I don’t see anything” I kept looking and then finally towards the center of the engine I was a little screw bouncing around on top of two gears. “Sam I hate your old assistant!” I reached up carefully and took a screwdriver and knocked it off of the gears so that it fell onto my shoulder. I grabbed the screw and rolled out from under the engine. “I’m going to give Landon a piece of my mind when I see him.” Landon was Sam’s old assistant the one who was helping him before I got on the ship. “Yeah, he isn’t very mechanically inclined” Sam said before taking the screw from my hand “Oh wait what time is it maybe it’s finally time for lunch” I pulled out my pocket watch and smiled “Yay! It’s finally time for lunch!” Lunch is my favorite time of day because, while Landon can’t work with mechanics, he can cook. I smiled and started to skip out the door “Althea can you bring me back something I want to continue my nap.” “Sure Sam.” I walked out the door and onto the deck. I have loved this ship since the first time I saw it. Its big balloon painted copper. The upper deck was right below the balloon itself. It held most of the crew quarters and the bridge. The lower deck, which is attached to the upper deck by steel bars, is where I am most days. The lower deck holds the kitchen and the engine room, as well as the hanger where our flyers are kept. Flyers are small two-person air crafts that are powered by fans on the undersides of them. The skyscraper can’t land on the ground so when we have to get off we take the small flyers. I walked a couple doors down to the kitchen and opened the door. There wasn’t a line at the door so I think I might have lost my chance to get anything. “Landon you still here?” I called lightly opening the door. I smiled seeing that he was cleaning up some dishes. Landon is only a year older than me and was my first friend on the ship. I ran into him while they were in the village. He was looking for food to cook. When the skyscrapers got into the town, they weren’t like other pirates they didn’t pillage or steal they just shopped and tried to find parts for their ships and they went to the pub too, but that is to be expected. Landon had been looking for food and I ran into him. We started talking and he told me about his trips with the Skyscrapers and how amazing it was living on the ship. He was the one that really convinced me to join the Skyscrapers I walked up to Landon while he was doing the dishes “Did you save anything for me and Sam? I know we’re late, but we had to fix the engine for the third time today.” Landon finished the spoon he was cleaning and turned around “I might have some food for you, but do you really deserve the food?” He pulled out two bowls from behind him both filled with stew. My mouth instantly started watering “Oh come on I told you I fixed the engine three times already. One time was your fault mister assistant. You didn’t tighten a screw enough and it finally popped off today. I almost lost my finger trying to get it out!” I know I was whining at this point but I didn’t really care I was hungry. Landon blushed and handed over the food “Fine then I guess you can have it since you had to fix my mess up.” You see I knew Landon had a tiny itty bitty teensy crush on me and I might have a small crush on him too, but for the moment I didn’t really want to act on anything because I’m brand new to the ship. “Thanks Landon. Maybe I’ll swing by after dinner and we can hang out for a little while.” I left and walked back out onto the deck. The air was so nice today the sky was almost completely clear, there were a few fluffy clouds that dotted the sky. We were flying over the mountains today, headed for god knows where. I hardly ever knew where we were flying. I only ever found out when we got there and either did our normal shopping or pillaging. I got back to the engine room and kicked the door lightly trying to get Sam’s attention so that he would open the door. Sam came to the door and opened it. I gave him the soup and walked over to the corner of the room where there was a large crate. I sat down and started to eat, enjoying every single bite. Landon was the best cook on the ship. I finished my food and someone came over the intercom “Everyone prepare we’re being attacked!” Whelp that’s not good. I jumped off of my seat and headed for the door. I opened it and instantly heard gunfire and cannons. I looked across the sky in search of this attacking ship. When I found it, it took everything in my power not the drop to the floor. The air ship was huge easily 3x bigger than us. It was painted all black with a menacing skull in red painted on the balloon. Canons were shooting out of the ship faster than we would have been able to reload. They were going to knock us out of the sky “Sam what are we supposed to do?! They’re gonna shoot for the engine.” He got up from his chair in a slow manner he looked forlorn. He knew what was going to happen. This ship was either going to shoot us out of the sky or take over the ship for its own and there was nothing stopping it from doing so. “There has to be something we can do. Anything?” Sam just stood there and shook his head. “No, I won’t accept that answer I’m going to find some way to help.” I opened the door again and left making a dash for the stairs to the upper deck. I stopped first right in front of where the kitchen was… or should I say used to be. Where the kitchen used to stand was now just a whole that lead straight through to the hanger on the other side. I stood as still as the ship would let me and could only stare and hope that Landon hadn’t been inside. I shook my head trying to get the horrible scenarios out of my head and continued my run for the upper deck. When I got to the upper deck I stopped and looked around hearing the semi-Silence. The cannons from the other ship had stopped but everyone on the upper deck was racing around trying to reload cannons and fix major problems with the ship or attempting to take care of the injured. I immediately started my search for Aya. Aya is the captain of the ship she is the one who tells people what they need to be doing and when it needs to get done so I just had to find someone bossing other people around. I ran around the entire upper deck looking for Aya but couldn’t find her anywhere. I headed for the bridge next. When I got there, I flung the door open and saw Aya standing at the wheel of the ship attempting to steer us away from the other ship “Aya, what can I do to help?” she stayed silent for a few minutes “We can do nothing. He will try to send this ship to hell. He is not a good man. He intends to kill everyone here.” She continued to stare out the window and watch the sky. “Why? Why does he hate us so much?” “He does not hate us. He hates me. When I was, young I pillage more than I do now. I pillaged his town and killed his family and his friends. He got away. He is the captain of the Black Shark, Eli Biggs. He is the worst pirate of the skies.” I could only stand there and shake my head. “Aya you should be trying harder. You care about this ship so much why are you going to let one person take all of that away from you?” I walked away and towards the door. “You know Aya I expected more from an amazing captain like you. I expected you to fight for your ship and try to prove that you’re the better captain. If you won’t do anything I will.” I pulled the door open and went back out onto the deck and then ran towards the stairs heading back to the hanger. When I got down to the hanger I found one of the flyers. I stepped on and strapped the belt around my waist and started it up. The fans on the underside of the craft started and I hovered about a foot off of the ground. I eased forward until I was right at the hanger door. I huffed and was about to lower the craft to go and open the door. Right before I hit the ground the door opened. I looked over towards the lever that opened the door. “Thank you, Sam! I’m going to try and stop all of this.” Sam just nodded. I took off out the door once it was fully open. I headed straight for the enemy ship the upper deck specifically. The closer I got to the ship the louder the gunfire became and the louder the cannons became as well. It shattered the silence that had surrounded the world ten minutes ago. When I landed on the ship everyone instantly turned their heads towards me. Oops, time to make a run for it. I jumped off of the flyer and ran towards the bridge slamming the door open. Inside I saw the person I could only assume was the captain. He stood facing the front of the ship watching the sky. He heard the door slam open and turned his head towards me. He had a look of disgust. I slammed the door closed behind me and locked it. “What is a pest like you doing on my ship.” I was frozen in place. His voice was as cold as ice and his stare was like piercing daggers. “Oh, you’re one of Aya’s little henchmen aren’t you. She sent a little girl to do her bidding” He turned completely facing me. The weight of both the pistol and the dagger in my belt felt reassuring yet frightening. “No she didn’t send anyone I came here on my own. I’m going to stop you in whatever way I can. I know why you want to kill Aya but she has changed. She isn’t killing people anymore.” I tried to defend Aya but I was lying. I didn’t know that much about Aya. I have no idea if she has changed or not. She could still be the same person she was. I wasn’t here for Aya though, I was here for Landon and Sam and every other Skyscraper on that ship. “Well then you wasted a trip. You wanted to be the hero in this story but you know you can’t be. The minute you injure or kill me everyone on the ship will be out for your head. You are in a competition of 200 to 1. You will lose. So, why don’t I help you and just take care of you here.” My eyes widened and I backed up pressing my back against the door. I trapped myself in here. I’m going to die in here. I pulled my pistol out and aimed it at him. He ran forward and I pulled the trigger. He managed to dodge it and grab my gun from me. I gasped and my eyes went wide. He pulled the trigger and I heard the bang. I didn’t feel anything for a second and I though he missed. Then I felt a red hot burning in my side. I looked down and saw a blossoming of red. “Welcome to the competition in which there are more players than just you.” He picked me up by my throat and walked to the front of the bridge to the window. I’m going to die here. I thought I could stop him but was out smarted. I guess Aya was right. There wasn’t anything I could do, but at least I tried. “You lose” He threw me forward and I hit the window. It shattered on impact and I fell through plummeting to the ground the was thousands of miles below. Free falling is an interesting feeling. The wind rushing past you and the clouds slowly getting closer to you. I wasn’t screaming. I really couldn’t right now I was in shock. I was just shot and thrown out a window to fall to my death. This was it I was going to hit the ground and I’m going to die if the blood loss doesn’t get me first. I angled my body so my back was facing the ground and I was watching the two ships. I started thinking about the regrets of my life, how cheesy. I didn’t tell my mother goodbye before I came onto the ship. I didn’t get to see my siblings grow up. I didn’t get to follow my life dreams. This isn’t the right time for me to die but there isn’t anything I can do about it now. Who knows maybe Aya will remember me. Her airship isn’t plummeting to the ground like she thought just me. I passed through a cloud and then another finally realizing the weather had changed while I had been on the enemy ship. It was cloudy and grey outside now. Funny how the weather changed to fit the circumstance. I closed my eyes and listened to the air whistle past my ears. “Althea!” my eyes shot open and I started searching the sky. Landon was trying to follow on one of the flyers “Althea I’m gonna help you but I need to slow you down first or I won’t be able to catch up to you. Catch this.” He threw a backpack towards me. I watched it sail through the air and towards me but it was going to miss if I didn’t move. I have to move. Move! I stretched my arm out to try and grab the bag my fingers just barely grazing it. I flipped over and tucked my arms by my sides speeding up my fall just a bit and getting closer to the bag. I wrapped my fingers around the strap and pulled it closer to me. I pulled the straps and buckled everything. With the speed that I’m going this is going to hurt. I pulled the cord and the parachute flew out jerking me back hard and knocking the wind out of my lungs and it felt like it was tearing into my side where I was shot. Landon slowly came up beside me and held a hand out to me. I took it and he pulled me on the flyer and as soon as my feet touched the floor I pulled the parachute off and strapped into the flyer. “Are you okay–not drastically bleeding or anything?” I started to shake my head no when my vision went fuzzy and I fell to my knees. “No Althea just hang on for a few….” I don’t really know what he said next. The pain became too much and I passed out When I regained consciousness, I was lying in a room much more lavish than my own, both on the ship and at home. The room was decorated in red’s and golds with jewels hanging on hooks on the walls. The closet was off to my right where I could see a deep burgundy ankle long coat. This must be the captains room. I started to close my eyes again but the door opened and I looked and saw Landon and Aya come in “Althea your awake” Landon moved closer and sat next to the bed and sat on the floor. “How are you feeling?” Aya asked while walking to the other side of the bed “Well besides the burning pain in my side not to terrible considering I was just thrown off of a ship.” Landon chuckled and Aya just stood the and watched “You should not have done that” I sighed “Yes I know Aya but what was I supposed to do let everyone else on the ship die or have it plummet to the ground.” She just shook her head and walked out “She was afraid of losing you.” Landon said as he got up from the floor to sit on the edge of the bed. “So was I. Why did you do that?” I sighed and tried to sit up succeeding after a minute “I wanted to do it because I saw that the kitchen was destroyed and I thought you were inside when if happened. I also didn’t want to have the entire ship plummet.” I said looking in a corner of the room so I didn’t have to look at him. “Althea are you saying you like me. I had no idea” Landon said sarcastically “Shut up. I just didn’t want to see you hurt okay” Landon smiled and hugged me “I’m not so there. No more dangerous stunts.” I smiled and hugged him back “Alright fine” Little did he know that would only be my first of many dangerous stunts that I pulled. Anything from jumping off of our own ship to standing in the way of firing pistols to almost breaking my hands in the engine. To say I had a knack for putting myself in dangerous situations would be an understatement. The dangerous situations just seemed to find me. Despite all of that I still managed to live another five years before Landon and I got married. We still live on that wonderful airship with Aya and Sam and everyone else. We both could never part from it and I don’t think we ever will.

#first time writer #still new to this

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turnoffshyness-blog · 7 years

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Well, It Goes Like This (SL with @HurtYouSold)

Lee: -A couple of weeks of getting paid to spend days with my best friend, and of being the person whose bed she crawled into when she couldn’t sleep at night, and I was getting spoiled as fuck. There was no way of hiding it. I was in some kind of stupid hog heaven, and I got to go pretty much everywhere she did. There were only a few short hours at night when I was back at my own place, and half the time she wound up there as well. It hadn’t done anything for the way I felt about her except make it worse, and probably more certain that I wasn’t going to be able to tell her. Now she was not only my best friend, but she was also my boss, albeit one I could fight with without too many repercussions. And we would fight, when she wanted to do something I didn’t think was a particularly good idea, when she was trying to hide another bout of nightmares from me, when she was busy calling me a giant asshole. When we weren’t fighting, she was writing, while I curled up on the couch and read something she’d already written from the shelf of her books, or something else that caught my interest or maybe just flicked through the channels on the television. Things were pretty quiet until she had to go into her publisher or go talk to her editor or someone came over from her publisher’s office with a bag of her fan mail or with a stack of books for her to sign. She wrote under a penname. That was a secret that mostly only a handful of people knew -- me, her publisher, her agent, her editor, and one PA from the company that brought things out to the house from time to time. She was combing through letters back in the kitchen right now as a matter of fact, the envelopes splayed across the table in a pile as she opened them one by one. She would answer the ones who were sincere fans and ignore the ones who were clearly just looking to hitch a wagon to the success of the books she’d written or just looking to try to figure out who she was. It had been a pretty closely guarded secret, and consequently people were always trying to solve the mystery. Maybe it was a little ironic that I heard the mail carrier on the front porch at the same time, but it didn’t exactly strike me until I was already out on the porch checking my mailbox before I grabbed the small stack of letters out of hers. These were different. Envelopes from the gas company and the tax notice on her car, a catalog for her favorite kind of shoes, every day mundane kind of shit. But the envelope on the top of her stack struck my interest immediately. Instead of Madeline Mackenzie, it was addressed to Alice Landon, the name on the front of all her novels, in a handwriting I didn’t recognize. I was half tempted to open it myself, but I knew that would have gotten my head chewed off. Instead I was taking this one straight to her myself. I needed to see her reaction to it. I hoped it was only something that her publisher had sent here under her penname by accident or maybe a slip up at her agent’s office. Anything else irritated me into a half rage without even knowing what it was about for certain. Imagining one of her fans had somehow gotten her home address made my fingers twitch, and the thought that one of them had had the balls to try to contact her here made them ball into a fist at my side. I struggled to keep that expression that meant I wanted to punch someone directly in the jaw off my face as I made my way into the kitchen where she was still wading through envelopes- Hey, Maddie… Mail’s here. -She looked up as I spoke and her eyebrows went up in an unspoken question when she saw the look on my face. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hide it from her. I didn’t even know why I’d attempted to.- Top one’s addressed to Alice Landon. -I passed her the stack and slid my hands into my pockets, just waiting to see what came next.- Maddie: ^It was easy with Lee around to just go about my business. He kept me safe, unless he was being an overbearing prick. And I wasn’t afraid to tell him. I think that was what he liked most about being here. We didn’t have to pretend to be employer and employee. He was still my best friend. I was still going to tell him when to fuck off. But I had to remind myself that this was nothing more than just him being my bodyguard. I was using that role to my advantage, and I knew it wasn’t exactly fair. I was in love with him, so I used the excuse of a nightmare to crawl into his bed at night. And since he had taken the job, he was serious about it. He hadn’t brought any of the usual gang of girls around. It was like he was just there for me. And I wished it was the truth. But I knew it wasn’t. I was just a girl that had always been a part of his life. Someone he felt he owed. But I couldn’t stop the shaking that started when Lee said there was a letter for me. But it was addressed to Alice Landon. I didn’t want him to find out about this. And I didn’t want him to find out about it this way. But I let the letter fall to the floor as Lee put his hands in his pockets. I knew he was watching me closely. He needed to see what all of this was about, but I couldn’t tell him the truth. For the past few months I had been in this dance. I didn’t know when the next letter hit, but I knew I was going to fly into a fit. But the truth was that I couldn’t predict anything. I could only shake my head as I tried to stop the fear building in my chest. I could feel the panic, though. I knew there were going to be issues. I knew Lee was going to call me out on this. He was going to demand to know everything. And that wasn’t something I was ready for. I was never going to be ready for it. My hands were flying as I tried to come up with excuses, but I couldn’t focus enough to come up with anything solid. And I knew that was something that he was going to call me on. I didn’t have an idea of what to do, though. I was utterly lost and confused.^ Lee: -That look on her face told me more than Maddie clearly wanted to. She was terrified of the envelope that fluttered to the floor. If a person could stammer in sign language, Maddie was doing it now. Half sentences started and stopped in mid-sign. She was hiding something from me, and it had everything to do with that letter. I wasn’t sure who I was more pissed off at, Maddie or who the hell ever had sent this letter. I would have been trying a whole hell of a lot harder to protect her if I knew something was up. I didn’t even know what the fuck was up, but it sure as fuck was something. I wasn’t going to give Maddie a chance to make something up to try to shove this off my radar. That wasn’t going to be a thing.- Nope, don’t start Maddie. Something is up. Something is up with that letter. -pointing at the offending piece of paper on the floor.- You need to tell me what’s going on before I lose my shit, ok? Maddie: ^Nope. Not even going there. I was not going to tell him what was going on. How was I supposed to tell him? Oh hey, by the way. Someone’s been sending me letters and putting all the pieces together about my life. No. This wasn’t a problem for Lee. But I knew the truth was that if I tried to tell him that, he’d throw the fact that I hired him to be my bodyguard back in my face. “This is what you hired me for, Madeline.” I could hear the words in my head as I thought about how to tell him. The exasperation and frustration clearly marking the words. The fact that he’d call me Madeline making the point that much more demanding. I couldn’t risk him seeing me as a helpless girl. It had taken years to get him to see me as a girl. And not the broken girl everyone else saw, even though I knew he still saw me that way. But I still couldn’t bring it up. I didn’t think about what I was doing as I moved to stand in front of him. His blonde hair was ruffled. His hands going through it as he tried to get me to explain what the hell was going on. His eyes were watching me, though. They were almost pleading with me to tell him the truth. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t tell him what was happening. I couldn’t stop from pressing my lips against his. It was the only thing I could think to do, and I hated that I was laying everything on the table this way. I hated that this was the way he was going to find out I had feelings for him. But I couldn’t talk about the mail. I couldn’t talk about my problems. I could distract him, though. And as our lips moved together, I felt my arms wrap around his neck, drawing him deeper into my distraction.^ Lee: -It was so easy to get lost in that kiss, especially when she wrapped her arms around my neck. I couldn’t do anything for the first few seconds but return it, rest my hands on her hips and try to think. This had to be the moment she gave me the thing I’d been dreaming about since we were both old enough for this even be a possibility. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. She was only doing this to distract me. This wasn’t real, and it wasn’t what I wanted it to be. Not like this anyway. I wanted her to kiss me because she wanted to kiss me, not because she wanted to shut me up and change the subject. With any other girl, I would have let it fly. I wouldn’t have cared that they were taking my attention off the topic at hand, but when the topic at hand happened to be the safety of the person I cared about the most, it was hard to forget it completely. Using my hands to gently push her away, reluctant to take my lips off hers but knowing it was something that needed to happen, I took a step back and screwed up my face into a frown shaking my head as I locked eyes with her- You don’t get to do that, Maddie. You don’t get to throw yourself in my arms like any other fucking girl just to get my mind off that damn letter. I don’t know what’s in it, but I fucking love you too much to let it go. -I was too worked up to even realize what I was saying until it came out of my mouth, and I didn’t know how she was going to react to it, but I knew it was the first time I’d said that word to her in our lives, even when we were little. I’d always loved her, but I wasn’t ever going to actually tell her. I shook my head and bent down to pick up the envelope, looking it over before I looked back at her- What is this? Why are you fucking terrified, Maddie? Maddie: ^I couldn’t focus on what Lee said. I couldn’t let him throw the word love around. It wasn’t something he ever said, but I knew he saw me as a little sister. It was how it had always been. I couldn’t get my hopes up for that. I couldn’t let myself believe that I was something he wanted. But he was back on the topic at hand. My safety was his concern. I had ensured that. But I didn’t think this was going to be a thing. I didn’t think he was going to find out about the letters. They weren’t that bad. Yet. But they were addressed to me under my penname. That meant someone knew who I was. My eyes were on the floor as my hands started moving. Explaining what had been going on for the past few months. The letters that had shown up. At first, they were harmless. I ignored them. And then they got more detailed. They were figuring out my past. They were learning about me. I wasn’t safe in my own home. I knew that. But what I was afraid of was being made to leave. Being forced out of a place I felt comfortable. The only place I had called home since that night. There was a reason why Lee’s parents had given us the duplex. As much as they knew Lee wasn’t going anywhere, they knew I couldn’t go anywhere. My story ended with a half assed apology. What I was apologizing for, I wasn’t sure. It was probably for hiding everything from him. But it could have also been because of the kiss. But I could hear the frustration in his tone. His words were ringing in my ear. I couldn’t be like every other girl. I couldn’t distract him. I wasn’t allowed to be every other girl. And knowing that hurt. But it was just more torture to put myself through.^ Lee: -I watched and waited for Maddie to finish her explanation without saying a word, but with every movement of her hands I could feel my chest growing tighter. She’d been going through this for ages now without telling me. I hadn’t known. I figured she was hiring me as a bodyguard for no damned reason at all, and instead it was every damned reason in the world. She was a stubborn ass on a good day, but when anyone even implied she couldn’t take care of herself she was twice as bad. And it wasn’t that I thought she couldn’t take care of herself. I knew she was independent and fierce when she needed to be, but I also knew the girl who curled up in a ball and cried herself to sleep when she thought no one was paying attention. Thing was, I was always paying attention, apparently just not close enough to notice this. It had just sealed my determination to make sure she was safe now. I wasn’t planning to take my eyes off her if I could avoid it. I may not be able to be everything in her life that I wanted to be, but I was damned if I was going to let anything happen to her, happen to the person I cared more about than anyone else on the face of the Earth. That wasn’t going to be a possibility. I’d lose myself before I’d lose her. That was plain and simple- Damn it all to hell, Maddie. Why didn’t you tell me? This is my job. And you’re my best fucking friend. I’m supposed to worry about you. This shit is kind of important. -I was wracking my brain for the best way to handle this. Leaving the house and going somewhere else wasn’t going to be an option. Maddie wasn’t going to even take that as a suggestion. I knew that better than anyone else. She didn’t leave here for more than a few hour, ever. So I was settled in to find the best way to take care of all of this and keep her here- My place… You’re staying at my place until we get to the bottom of this. -I wasn’t asking. And I was going to have a shit fit if she tried to fight me on this. I needed her close, and my house was as close as I could get her without things getting weird for her.- Maddie: ^I felt the shame washing over me. It was almost as if Lee thought I didn’t take this seriously. But that was the thing. I took this as seriously as he did. But when it first started, I wasn’t his responsibility. And it hadn’t happened since I had hired him. Maybe that was where I was wrong. Because I didn’t get a letter didn’t mean the threat magically disappeared. I had put myself in more danger by not telling Lee the truth. He wasn’t able to do his job because he didn’t have all the information. I wanted to deny him. Tell him I was okay to stay at my place. But the truth was that I was already staying here. I was in his bed most nights. I didn’t sleep at my place. The only thing I did over there was write. And technically, I could do that from anywhere. My hands worked slowly as I tried to keep them from shaking too much.^ I just need my laptop and a set of headphones. ^As the tears started to stream down my cheeks, I felt my breath coming in harder pants. This wasn’t just me being a stupid girl anymore. By not telling Lee, I was potentially suicidal. I didn’t care what happened to me. And that was something that scared me. Shaking out my hands before letting my gaze meet Lee’s, I let my fingers finish what I needed to tell him.^ There’s a safe in my office. The combination is your birthday. I need everything from inside of there. Lee: -The fact that the combination to her safe was my birthday slid right past my notice when I saw the way that her hands were shaking and the tears that started to flow down her cheeks. Mad wasn’t even an afterthought now. She was really crying, and she hardly ever cried in front of me. She’d fight it with everything she had in her. The fact that she was letting me see it now meant she was really upset. And it was my damned fault- Listen, Maddie. I’m sorry. -I held my hands up and let them fall back down to my sides, wanting to go wrap my arms around her and crush her into my chest, but not sure if she was going to melt into my chest or punch me right in the stomach. After thinking about it for a minute, I decided I didn’t care. She needed a hug, and I needed to give it to her. It was simple enough to pull her into my arms and just let her breathe there. There was no way she was going to be able to reply to me like that, and I really didn’t need her to.- Just come stay with me til we figure something out. I need to know where you are and that you’re safe. Even at night. And I’m going to talk to your agent about the letters. Maybe she knows what to do. Cause I sure as fuck don’t. -I just held her there until I could feel her breathing grow more even, and I knew she was done crying. I’d never been able to stay mad at Maddie, not that I’d ever wanted to. I exploded. She exploded. It was over. In the end, we only got mad because we cared about each other.- Maddie: ^The only thing I could do was nod my head. I had to give him this. I had to accept his terms. And the truth was that he was right. This was the safest place for me to be. I was safest with him. I couldn’t help the words that were ringing in my ears. Lee never said he loved anyone. Except maybe his mother when she called to check in on us. But love was not a word he threw around. Yet, for some reason, he felt the need to tell it to me. Clearing my head, I felt the need to tell him everything. He needed to know everything in my head. My hands were flying as I tried to get everything out.^ I know that you probably didn’t mean it the way that you said it. I understand that you look at me like I’m your little sister. It’s something I’ve come to terms with. But, I don’t know. I guess you need to know everything. It’s the only way you can do your job. ^Shaking my head, I gave up on signing. The plan had always been to actually say the words if I ever got the guts to say them out loud. It would mean more than signing them. I’d give up my silence to let him know the truth. It was the only thing I had.^ I love you. Lee: -I had no idea what was going on when Maddie started to sign as she pulled away. She was babbling, and nothing was clear. I saw the sign for sister before I processed the rest and my heart rose up into my throat. I knew she thought of me as a brother, and this was her way of telling me cause I’d taken it a step too far. She was frustrated though because the words weren’t coming out the way she wanted. That much was clear. I stepped back to give her a moment to get her thoughts together, prepared to apologize for stepping over whatever line I’d crossed today. I was internally cursing myself when she did the last thing I ever expected her to do. I hadn’t heard Maddie’s voice in years. Not since before her parents died. It wasn’t the same at all as when she’d been a little girl. Time had changed a lot of things, and it was small and soft from disuse. The fact that she spoke made me disregard the words that came along with the voice for a moment, but when those hit me as well I was stunned stupid. I could only just stand there and blink while I processed that. She’d spoken, and she’d said the three words I wasn’t ever going to hear, at least not as far as I ever expected. And I was pretty sure this was all a dream, except my chest hurt and my head was starting to pound from the way it was swimming. I was wide awake. Words weren’t a thing, and I wasn’t good with them anyway. Talking wasn’t going to be an option even if I hadn’t been stunned into silence. I did the only thing that popped into my head. One step forward and her cheeks were in my hands. Half a breath later, my lips were pressed to hers. One heartbeat more and my chest was flush with hers as I drew my body as close to hers as I could. I didn’t care if she was going to slap me or punch me or pull away. The first time she kissed me had been on her terms, but this one was on mine. This wasn’t a distraction or a way to change the subject. The subject would wait. Getting her where I could keep her safe would keep. I needed this for now. She needed to know how I really felt about her the best I way I knew how to show her.- Maddie: ^I couldn’t have predicted Lee’s response. I didn’t think he was going to sweep me up in his arms and kiss me. I could still see him staring at me in disbelief when I told him I loved him. I knew that there was going to be an added punch because of the words. But I think the fact that I had said it was what shocked him the most. It wasn’t my fingers. It wasn’t just silence like we were good at doing, it was my voice. A thing I hadn’t used in more than half of my life. But he was kissing me. And it started out slow. Almost like Lee was afraid that this was a dream. The reality was that I knew it wasn’t. There were too many firsts happening in front of me that made me realize this was anything but a dream. People took things like first kisses for granted. I could guarantee Lee couldn’t tell me a single thing about the first girl he ever kissed. But I could tell him everything about the first guy I kissed. I’d lived with him half of my life. He’d gotten me through the murder of my parents. He barely made it through school because he was my protector. He was holding me as close to him as possible. It had been a distracted, but the truth was that it was a way to get everything out in the open. It was a way to start the conversation that we probably should have been having years ago. And as much as I wanted to pull away and have that conversation, the only thing I could do was wrap my arms around his waist and pull myself closer. I wanted more from him, I needed more. So I let the passion ignite. I let myself try to push the kiss deeper. My lips moved with a sense of desperation. Because I was surprised that this wasn’t one sided. It was something we both kept hidden from the other. But it was something we were clinging onto now.^ Lee: -Her hands knotted into my shirt, and she pulled herself closer like she was holding on to something for dear life. I was still in shock that she wasn’t slapping me or punching me right in the jaw for having her in my arms like this. That maybe this wasn’t just me, maybe she felt the same damn way and always had. I’d had a lot of first kisses in my life. I couldn’t even remember the very first. None of them had really mattered. But this one mattered. I wasn’t going to ever forget this moment, even if it wasn’t really the first, even if she’d tried to distract me with that other one. This was the first time the both of us really fucking meant it. This was the only time I meant it in my life. I wasn’t letting her go first. She was going to have to let me go first, and that wasn’t going to stop me from pulling her lower lip between mine to drag my teeth lightly across it. I was going to get every second of her I could manage. My hands went into her hair and I crushed her tighter into my chest when she made a soft sound and pulled herself closer. There was no way anything more than clothes had room to even breathe in between us- Maddie: ^It was the way his hands were in my hair that made me take a breath. This was all going fast, and I still wasn’t entirely sure on where to go. But I knew that Lee would follow my lead. It took some effort to slow a lips to a stop before he was just placing soft kisses against my lips. Reassuring himself that I was real. As soon as he was done, I had my face pressed against his chest. This wasn’t something I wanted to confirm with him, though. It had been hard growing up. People didn’t understand me. That made going out on dates hard. And then there was the fact that no one knew how to communicate with me. That made everything even harder. So all of this was just a little too much, but it wasn’t something I wanted to change. As my eyes closed, I could only take in the way this felt. I had been in this position before. Lee always had me wrapped up in his arms. He was the only one that understood why I needed him to hold me after a nightmare. I knew he had cared about me, but I didn’t know that it was this deep. I was just happy to have him. It wasn’t a thing I thought was ever going to happen. I couldn’t help the soft sigh that slipped through my lips as I clung to Lee. Things weren’t perfect. In fact, they were far from perfect. But this was right. This was what I needed to be doing.^ Lee: -She pulled away and curled into my chest after a short series of kisses. I didn’t want to push her. No matter how much I wanted more of her. I wasn’t going to let her go. If I had anything to do with it, I was going to have all the time in the world to get as much of her as either of us could take. I could stand her with her pressed to my chest as long as both of us wanted. I had to admit, I still thought this was a dream. There was no way I was this damned lucky, but I knew it was real. It was some kind of surreal alternate universe where she was kissing me and she meant it.- Maddie… -my voice was soft, I didn’t want to make her move an inch, and she didn’t have to.- Just tell me I’m not crazy and you fucking meant that. Maddie: ^I could only nod my head. Me talking was never going to be a thing. I had been resolved when I said I loved him. And it was the truth. But it wasn’t going to stop me from going back to my vow of silence. And I knew that Lee understood that. He wasn’t going to pressure me into talking. If he had been serious about all of this, he would accept it either way. There was something meaningful about our relationship. We knew what each other was thinking just by a twitch of the brow. He knew what I was saying just by looking into my eyes. We didn’t need words to get between us. Words could be messy. They were demanding, and they pushed too much in one direction. But we had our own way of communicating. And it was deeper than tones and words. It was feelings. It was everything. Pulling away from Lee, I looked up with a smile before arching my brow. If he thought this was anything other than real, he was out of his mind. I didn’t do this. I didn’t deal with guys. They didn’t understand me, so I didn’t see the need to give them a chance. And Lee knew it. Even if he pretended to not notice, he did. He was my watch dog. And it was something that I felt comfortable with. He wasn’t going to let anything happen to me. He hadn’t when we were kids, and he wasn’t going to now.^ Lee: -I knew that look when she shot it at me. She was smiling and arching her eyebrow in that way that told me she was being indulgent with me and enjoying it. I couldn’t imagine her giving me anything I’d wanted any more, even if we’d spent years dancing around it. Maddie wasn’t the kind of girl to kiss just anyone. I hadn’t known to kiss any damn one as a matter of fact. I didn’t know that she ever had, and I was scared to ask. I didn’t have a problem with what any other girl ever thought of me, but for some reason, I needed all of this to be perfect for Maddie whether it was her first kiss of her seven thousandth. I was going to make damn sure it was the last first kiss she was ever going to have if I had my way. - Alright, alright. I’m not crazy. Why don’t we get your stuff and get you settled in. I’m keeping you for awhile if that’s alright with you. -I smiled down at her with a soft laugh, the thought of why she was going to be staying at my place still scratching at the back of my thoughts. I was a hoverer on a good day with Maddie and it was just going to get worse. I hoped she was ready for that. I hoped she was ready for all of this cause fuck knows I was- Maddie: ^I knew the truth about what we were doing by going over to my place. We were protecting me. And it was in that moment that everything sort of came back to the forefront of my mind. There was a reason for all of this. There was a reason why it had gone down. And that was my safety. Again, we were back to me shaking. Me coming over here wasn’t for some romantic reason. It was for my safety. I understood that this was going to be harder now that there were feelings on the line. But I knew Lee. I knew that this was the thing he wanted. He took this seriously, and there was nothing that was ever going to change that. Shaking out my hands, I held one out to him. I wanted this to be normal. I wanted this to be as simple as us going to my place so I had some stuff at his. I wanted it to be a fantasy. I didn’t want to think about a stalker. Telling him I was in love with him had made a few things easier. And it had sufficiently distracted both of us from the danger at hand. I just needed my hand in his. I needed our skin touching. I needed to be reminded that this was what he did for me. He made me safe when nothing else could.^ Lee: -I threaded my fingers between hers and pulled her closer as I lead her over to the door. I didn’t want to think about why she was really coming to stay at my place for awhile. I could lie to myself and pretend she was coming to spend some time with me, and the truth was, she was going to be spending a lot of time with me. She was going to be with me all day, and she was going to be sleeping in my arms at night. I was there to keep her safe, and I’d have done it whether she paid me to or not. I was there to take care of her just because of how I felt about her. That much was certain. I’d have done anything to make sure nothing bad happened to her. I didn’t know what was going on, but I was going to figure it out one way or another. And I was going to make sure she was safe and happy, no matter what I had to do.- #WellItGoesLikeThis

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theveryhurtyousold · 7 years

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Well It Goes Like This (SL with @TurnOffShyness)

It hadn’t done anything for the way I felt about her except make it worse, and probably more certain that I wasn’t going to be able to tell her. Now she was not only my best friend, but she was also my boss, albeit one I could fight with without too many repercussions. And we would fight, when she wanted to do something I didn’t think was a particularly good idea, when she was trying to hide another bout of nightmares from me, when she was busy calling me a giant asshole.

When we weren’t fighting, she was writing, while I curled up on the couch and read something she’d already written from the shelf of her books, or something else that caught my interest or maybe just flicked through the channels on the television. Things were pretty quiet until she had to go into her publisher or go talk to her editor or someone came over from her publisher’s office with a bag of her fan mail or with a stack of books for her to sign. She wrote under a penname. That was a secret that mostly only a handful of people knew -- me, her publisher, her agent, her editor, and one PA from the company that brought things out to the house from time to time.

She was combing through letters back in the kitchen right now as a matter of fact, the envelopes splayed across the table in a pile as she opened them one by one. She would answer the ones who were sincere fans and ignore the ones who were clearly just looking to hitch a wagon to the success of the books she’d written or just looking to try to figure out who she was. It had been a pretty closely guarded secret, and consequently people were always trying to solve the mystery.

Maybe it was a little ironic that I heard the mail carrier on the front porch at the same time, but it didn’t exactly strike me until I was already out on the porch checking my mailbox before I grabbed the small stack of letters out of hers. These were different. Envelopes from the gas company and the tax notice on her car, a catalog for her favorite kind of shoes, every day mundane kind of shit. But the envelope on the top of her stack struck my interest immediately. Instead of Madeline Mackenzie, it was addressed to Alice Landon, the name on the front of all her novels, in a handwriting I didn’t recognize.

I was half tempted to open it myself, but I knew that would have gotten my head chewed off. Instead I was taking this one straight to her myself. I needed to see her reaction to it. I hoped it was only something that her publisher had sent here under her penname by accident or maybe a slip up at her agent’s office. Anything else irritated me into a half rage without even knowing what it was about for certain. Imagining one of her fans had somehow gotten her home address made my fingers twitch, and the thought that one of them had had the balls to try to contact her here made them ball into a fist at my side. I struggled to keep that expression that meant I wanted to punch someone directly in the jaw off my face as I made my way into the kitchen where she was still wading through envelopes-

Hey, Maddie… Mail’s here. -She looked up as I spoke and her eyebrows went up in an unspoken question when she saw the look on my face. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hide it from her. I didn’t even know why I’d attempted to.- Top one’s addressed to Alice Landon.

-I passed her the stack and slid my hands into my pockets, just waiting to see what came next.-

Maddie: ^It was easy with Lee around to just go about my business. He kept me safe, unless he was being an overbearing prick. And I wasn’t afraid to tell him. I think that was what he liked most about being here. We didn’t have to pretend to be employer and employee. He was still my best friend. I was still going to tell him when to fuck off.

But I had to remind myself that this was nothing more than just him being my bodyguard. I was using that role to my advantage, and I knew it wasn’t exactly fair. I was in love with him, so I used the excuse of a nightmare to crawl into his bed at night. And since he had taken the job, he was serious about it. He hadn’t brought any of the usual gang of girls around. It was like he was just there for me. And I wished it was the truth. But I knew it wasn’t. I was just a girl that had always been a part of his life. Someone he felt he owed.

But I couldn’t stop the shaking that started when Lee said there was a letter for me. But it was addressed to Alice Landon. I didn’t want him to find out about this. And I didn’t want him to find out about it this way. But I let the letter fall to the floor as Lee put his hands in his pockets. I knew he was watching me closely. He needed to see what all of this was about, but I couldn’t tell him the truth. For the past few months I had been in this dance. I didn’t know when the next letter hit, but I knew I was going to fly into a fit. But the truth was that I couldn’t predict anything.

I could only shake my head as I tried to stop the fear building in my chest. I could feel the panic, though. I knew there were going to be issues. I knew Lee was going to call me out on this. He was going to demand to know everything. And that wasn’t something I was ready for. I was never going to be ready for it. My hands were flying as I tried to come up with excuses, but I couldn’t focus enough to come up with anything solid. And I knew that was something that he was going to call me on. I didn’t have an idea of what to do, though. I was utterly lost and confused.^

Lee: -That look on her face told me more than Maddie clearly wanted to. She was terrified of the envelope that fluttered to the floor. If a person could stammer in sign language, Maddie was doing it now. Half sentences started and stopped in mid-sign. She was hiding something from me, and it had everything to do with that letter.

I wasn’t sure who I was more pissed off at, Maddie or who the hell ever had sent this letter. I would have been trying a whole hell of a lot harder to protect her if I knew something was up. I didn’t even know what the fuck was up, but it sure as fuck was something. I wasn’t going to give Maddie a chance to make something up to try to shove this off my radar. That wasn’t going to be a thing.-

Nope, don’t start Maddie. Something is up. Something is up with that letter. -pointing at the offending piece of paper on the floor.- You need to tell me what’s going on before I lose my shit, ok?

Maddie: ^Nope. Not even going there. I was not going to tell him what was going on. How was I supposed to tell him? Oh hey, by the way. Someone’s been sending me letters and putting all the pieces together about my life. No. This wasn’t a problem for Lee. But I knew the truth was that if I tried to tell him that, he’d throw the fact that I hired him to be my bodyguard back in my face.

“This is what you hired me for, Madeline.” I could hear the words in my head as I thought about how to tell him. The exasperation and frustration clearly marking the words. The fact that he’d call me Madeline making the point that much more demanding. I couldn’t risk him seeing me as a helpless girl. It had taken years to get him to see me as a girl. And not the broken girl everyone else saw, even though I knew he still saw me that way.

But I still couldn’t bring it up. I didn’t think about what I was doing as I moved to stand in front of him. His blonde hair was ruffled. His hands going through it as he tried to get me to explain what the hell was going on. His eyes were watching me, though. They were almost pleading with me to tell him the truth. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t tell him what was happening.

I couldn’t stop from pressing my lips against his. It was the only thing I could think to do, and I hated that I was laying everything on the table this way. I hated that this was the way he was going to find out I had feelings for him. But I couldn’t talk about the mail. I couldn’t talk about my problems. I could distract him, though. And as our lips moved together, I felt my arms wrap around his neck, drawing him deeper into my distraction.^

Lee: -It was so easy to get lost in that kiss, especially when she wrapped her arms around my neck. I couldn’t do anything for the first few seconds but return it, rest my hands on her hips and try to think. This had to be the moment she gave me the thing I’d been dreaming about since we were both old enough for this even be a possibility.

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. She was only doing this to distract me. This wasn’t real, and it wasn’t what I wanted it to be. Not like this anyway. I wanted her to kiss me because she wanted to kiss me, not because she wanted to shut me up and change the subject. With any other girl, I would have let it fly. I wouldn’t have cared that they were taking my attention off the topic at hand, but when the topic at hand happened to be the safety of the person I cared about the most, it was hard to forget it completely.

Using my hands to gently push her away, reluctant to take my lips off hers but knowing it was something that needed to happen, I took a step back and screwed up my face into a frown shaking my head as I locked eyes with her- You don’t get to do that, Maddie. You don’t get to throw yourself in my arms like any other fucking girl just to get my mind off that damn letter. I don’t know what’s in it, but I fucking love you too much to let it go.

-I was too worked up to even realize what I was saying until it came out of my mouth, and I didn’t know how she was going to react to it, but I knew it was the first time I’d said that word to her in our lives, even when we were little. I’d always loved her, but I wasn’t ever going to actually tell her. I shook my head and bent down to pick up the envelope, looking it over before I looked back at her- What is this? Why are you fucking terrified, Maddie?

Maddie: ^I couldn’t focus on what Lee said. I couldn’t let him throw the word love around. It wasn’t something he ever said, but I knew he saw me as a little sister. It was how it had always been. I couldn’t get my hopes up for that. I couldn’t let myself believe that I was something he wanted. But he was back on the topic at hand.

My safety was his concern. I had ensured that. But I didn’t think this was going to be a thing. I didn’t think he was going to find out about the letters. They weren’t that bad. Yet. But they were addressed to me under my penname. That meant someone knew who I was. My eyes were on the floor as my hands started moving. Explaining what had been going on for the past few months. The letters that had shown up. At first, they were harmless. I ignored them. And then they got more detailed. They were figuring out my past. They were learning about me.

I wasn’t safe in my own home. I knew that. But what I was afraid of was being made to leave. Being forced out of a place I felt comfortable. The only place I had called home since that night. There was a reason why Lee’s parents had given us the duplex. As much as they knew Lee wasn’t going anywhere, they knew I couldn’t go anywhere.

My story ended with a half assed apology. What I was apologizing for, I wasn’t sure. It was probably for hiding everything from him. But it could have also been because of the kiss. But I could hear the frustration in his tone. His words were ringing in my ear. I couldn’t be like every other girl. I couldn’t distract him. I wasn’t allowed to be every other girl. And knowing that hurt. But it was just more torture to put myself through.^

Lee: -I watched and waited for Maddie to finish her explanation without saying a word, but with every movement of her hands I could feel my chest growing tighter. She’d been going through this for ages now without telling me. I hadn’t known. I figured she was hiring me as a bodyguard for no damned reason at all, and instead it was every damned reason in the world. She was a stubborn ass on a good day, but when anyone even implied she couldn’t take care of herself she was twice as bad.

And it wasn’t that I thought she couldn’t take care of herself. I knew she was independent and fierce when she needed to be, but I also knew the girl who curled up in a ball and cried herself to sleep when she thought no one was paying attention. Thing was, I was always paying attention, apparently just not close enough to notice this.

It had just sealed my determination to make sure she was safe now. I wasn’t planning to take my eyes off her if I could avoid it. I may not be able to be everything in her life that I wanted to be, but I was damned if I was going to let anything happen to her, happen to the person I cared more about than anyone else on the face of the Earth. That wasn’t going to be a possibility. I’d lose myself before I’d lose her. That was plain and simple-

Damn it all to hell, Maddie. Why didn’t you tell me? This is my job. And you’re my best fucking friend. I’m supposed to worry about you. This shit is kind of important.

-I was wracking my brain for the best way to handle this. Leaving the house and going somewhere else wasn’t going to be an option. Maddie wasn’t going to even take that as a suggestion. I knew that better than anyone else. She didn’t leave here for more than a few hour, ever. So I was settled in to find the best way to take care of all of this and keep her here-

My place… You’re staying at my place until we get to the bottom of this. -I wasn’t asking. And I was going to have a shit fit if she tried to fight me on this. I needed her close, and my house was as close as I could get her without things getting weird for her.-

Maddie: ^I felt the shame washing over me. It was almost as if Lee thought I didn’t take this seriously. But that was the thing. I took this as seriously as he did. But when it first started, I wasn’t his responsibility. And it hadn’t happened since I had hired him. Maybe that was where I was wrong. Because I didn’t get a letter didn’t mean the threat magically disappeared.

I had put myself in more danger by not telling Lee the truth. He wasn’t able to do his job because he didn’t have all the information. I wanted to deny him. Tell him I was okay to stay at my place. But the truth was that I was already staying here. I was in his bed most nights. I didn’t sleep at my place. The only thing I did over there was write. And technically, I could do that from anywhere.

My hands worked slowly as I tried to keep them from shaking too much.^ I just need my laptop and a set of headphones. ^As the tears started to stream down my cheeks, I felt my breath coming in harder pants. This wasn’t just me being a stupid girl anymore. By not telling Lee, I was potentially suicidal. I didn’t care what happened to me. And that was something that scared me. Shaking out my hands before letting my gaze meet Lee’s, I let my fingers finish what I needed to tell him.^ There’s a safe in my office. The combination is your birthday. I need everything from inside of there.

Lee: -The fact that the combination to her safe was my birthday slid right past my notice when I saw the way that her hands were shaking and the tears that started to flow down her cheeks. Mad wasn’t even an afterthought now. She was really crying, and she hardly ever cried in front of me. She’d fight it with everything she had in her. The fact that she was letting me see it now meant she was really upset. And it was my damned fault-

Listen, Maddie. I’m sorry. -I held my hands up and let them fall back down to my sides, wanting to go wrap my arms around her and crush her into my chest, but not sure if she was going to melt into my chest or punch me right in the stomach. After thinking about it for a minute, I decided I didn’t care. She needed a hug, and I needed to give it to her. It was simple enough to pull her into my arms and just let her breathe there. There was no way she was going to be able to reply to me like that, and I really didn’t need her to.- Just come stay with me til we figure something out. I need to know where you are and that you’re safe. Even at night. And I’m going to talk to your agent about the letters. Maybe she knows what to do. Cause I sure as fuck don’t.

-I just held her there until I could feel her breathing grow more even, and I knew she was done crying. I’d never been able to stay mad at Maddie, not that I’d ever wanted to. I exploded. She exploded. It was over. In the end, we only got mad because we cared about each other.-

Maddie: ^The only thing I could do was nod my head. I had to give him this. I had to accept his terms. And the truth was that he was right. This was the safest place for me to be. I was safest with him.

I couldn’t help the words that were ringing in my ears. Lee never said he loved anyone. Except maybe his mother when she called to check in on us. But love was not a word he threw around. Yet, for some reason, he felt the need to tell it to me. Clearing my head, I felt the need to tell him everything. He needed to know everything in my head. My hands were flying as I tried to get everything out.^ I know that you probably didn’t mean it the way that you said it. I understand that you look at me like I’m your little sister. It’s something I’ve come to terms with. But, I don’t know. I guess you need to know everything. It’s the only way you can do your job.

^Shaking my head, I gave up on signing. The plan had always been to actually say the words if I ever got the guts to say them out loud. It would mean more than signing them. I’d give up my silence to let him know the truth. It was the only thing I had.^ I love you.

Lee: -I had no idea what was going on when Maddie started to sign as she pulled away. She was babbling, and nothing was clear. I saw the sign for sister before I processed the rest and my heart rose up into my throat. I knew she thought of me as a brother, and this was her way of telling me cause I’d taken it a step too far. She was frustrated though because the words weren’t coming out the way she wanted. That much was clear.

I stepped back to give her a moment to get her thoughts together, prepared to apologize for stepping over whatever line I’d crossed today. I was internally cursing myself when she did the last thing I ever expected her to do.

I hadn’t heard Maddie’s voice in years. Not since before her parents died. It wasn’t the same at all as when she’d been a little girl. Time had changed a lot of things, and it was small and soft from disuse. The fact that she spoke made me disregard the words that came along with the voice for a moment, but when those hit me as well I was stunned stupid.

I could only just stand there and blink while I processed that. She’d spoken, and she’d said the three words I wasn’t ever going to hear, at least not as far as I ever expected. And I was pretty sure this was all a dream, except my chest hurt and my head was starting to pound from the way it was swimming. I was wide awake.

Words weren’t a thing, and I wasn’t good with them anyway. Talking wasn’t going to be an option even if I hadn’t been stunned into silence. I did the only thing that popped into my head. One step forward and her cheeks were in my hands. Half a breath later, my lips were pressed to hers. One heartbeat more and my chest was flush with hers as I drew my body as close to hers as I could.

I didn’t care if she was going to slap me or punch me or pull away. The first time she kissed me had been on her terms, but this one was on mine. This wasn’t a distraction or a way to change the subject. The subject would wait. Getting her where I could keep her safe would keep. I needed this for now. She needed to know how I really felt about her the best I way I knew how to show her.-

Maddie: ^I couldn’t have predicted Lee’s response. I didn’t think he was going to sweep me up in his arms and kiss me. I could still see him staring at me in disbelief when I told him I loved him. I knew that there was going to be an added punch because of the words. But I think the fact that I had said it was what shocked him the most. It wasn’t my fingers. It wasn’t just silence like we were good at doing, it was my voice. A thing I hadn’t used in more than half of my life.

But he was kissing me. And it started out slow. Almost like Lee was afraid that this was a dream. The reality was that I knew it wasn’t. There were too many firsts happening in front of me that made me realize this was anything but a dream. People took things like first kisses for granted. I could guarantee Lee couldn’t tell me a single thing about the first girl he ever kissed. But I could tell him everything about the first guy I kissed. I’d lived with him half of my life. He’d gotten me through the murder of my parents. He barely made it through school because he was my protector. He was holding me as close to him as possible.

It had been a distracted, but the truth was that it was a way to get everything out in the open. It was a way to start the conversation that we probably should have been having years ago. And as much as I wanted to pull away and have that conversation, the only thing I could do was wrap my arms around his waist and pull myself closer. I wanted more from him, I needed more. So I let the passion ignite. I let myself try to push the kiss deeper. My lips moved with a sense of desperation. Because I was surprised that this wasn’t one sided. It was something we both kept hidden from the other. But it was something we were clinging onto now.^

Lee: -Her hands knotted into my shirt, and she pulled herself closer like she was holding on to something for dear life. I was still in shock that she wasn’t slapping me or punching me right in the jaw for having her in my arms like this. That maybe this wasn’t just me, maybe she felt the same damn way and always had.

I’d had a lot of first kisses in my life. I couldn’t even remember the very first. None of them had really mattered. But this one mattered. I wasn’t going to ever forget this moment, even if it wasn’t really the first, even if she’d tried to distract me with that other one. This was the first time the both of us really fucking meant it. This was the only time I meant it in my life.

I wasn’t letting her go first. She was going to have to let me go first, and that wasn’t going to stop me from pulling her lower lip between mine to drag my teeth lightly across it. I was going to get every second of her I could manage. My hands went into her hair and I crushed her tighter into my chest when she made a soft sound and pulled herself closer. There was no way anything more than clothes had room to even breathe in between us-

Maddie: ^It was the way his hands were in my hair that made me take a breath. This was all going fast, and I still wasn’t entirely sure on where to go. But I knew that Lee would follow my lead. It took some effort to slow a lips to a stop before he was just placing soft kisses against my lips. Reassuring himself that I was real.

As soon as he was done, I had my face pressed against his chest. This wasn’t something I wanted to confirm with him, though. It had been hard growing up. People didn’t understand me. That made going out on dates hard. And then there was the fact that no one knew how to communicate with me. That made everything even harder. So all of this was just a little too much, but it wasn’t something I wanted to change.

As my eyes closed, I could only take in the way this felt. I had been in this position before. Lee always had me wrapped up in his arms. He was the only one that understood why I needed him to hold me after a nightmare. I knew he had cared about me, but I didn’t know that it was this deep. I was just happy to have him. It wasn’t a thing I thought was ever going to happen. I couldn’t help the soft sigh that slipped through my lips as I clung to Lee. Things weren’t perfect. In fact, they were far from perfect. But this was right. This was what I needed to be doing.^

Lee: -She pulled away and curled into my chest after a short series of kisses. I didn’t want to push her. No matter how much I wanted more of her. I wasn’t going to let her go. If I had anything to do with it, I was going to have all the time in the world to get as much of her as either of us could take. I could stand her with her pressed to my chest as long as both of us wanted.

I had to admit, I still thought this was a dream. There was no way I was this damned lucky, but I knew it was real. It was some kind of surreal alternate universe where she was kissing me and she meant it.-

Maddie… -my voice was soft, I didn’t want to make her move an inch, and she didn’t have to.- Just tell me I’m not crazy and you fucking meant that.

Maddie: ^I could only nod my head. Me talking was never going to be a thing. I had been resolved when I said I loved him. And it was the truth. But it wasn’t going to stop me from going back to my vow of silence. And I knew that Lee understood that. He wasn’t going to pressure me into talking. If he had been serious about all of this, he would accept it either way.

There was something meaningful about our relationship. We knew what each other was thinking just by a twitch of the brow. He knew what I was saying just by looking into my eyes. We didn’t need words to get between us. Words could be messy. They were demanding, and they pushed too much in one direction. But we had our own way of communicating. And it was deeper than tones and words. It was feelings. It was everything.

Pulling away from Lee, I looked up with a smile before arching my brow. If he thought this was anything other than real, he was out of his mind. I didn’t do this. I didn’t deal with guys. They didn’t understand me, so I didn’t see the need to give them a chance. And Lee knew it. Even if he pretended to not notice, he did. He was my watch dog. And it was something that I felt comfortable with. He wasn’t going to let anything happen to me. He hadn’t when we were kids, and he wasn’t going to now.^

Lee: -I knew that look when she shot it at me. She was smiling and arching her eyebrow in that way that told me she was being indulgent with me and enjoying it. I couldn’t imagine her giving me anything I’d wanted any more, even if we’d spent years dancing around it.

Maddie wasn’t the kind of girl to kiss just anyone. I hadn’t known to kiss any damn one as a matter of fact. I didn’t know that she ever had, and I was scared to ask. I didn’t have a problem with what any other girl ever thought of me, but for some reason, I needed all of this to be perfect for Maddie whether it was her first kiss of her seven thousandth. I was going to make damn sure it was the last first kiss she was ever going to have if I had my way. -

Alright, alright. I’m not crazy. Why don’t we get your stuff and get you settled in. I’m keeping you for awhile if that’s alright with you.

-I smiled down at her with a soft laugh, the thought of why she was going to be staying at my place still scratching at the back of my thoughts. I was a hoverer on a good day with Maddie and it was just going to get worse. I hoped she was ready for that. I hoped she was ready for all of this cause fuck knows I was-

Maddie: ^I knew the truth about what we were doing by going over to my place. We were protecting me. And it was in that moment that everything sort of came back to the forefront of my mind. There was a reason for all of this. There was a reason why it had gone down. And that was my safety.

Again, we were back to me shaking. Me coming over here wasn’t for some romantic reason. It was for my safety. I understood that this was going to be harder now that there were feelings on the line. But I knew Lee. I knew that this was the thing he wanted. He took this seriously, and there was nothing that was ever going to change that.

Shaking out my hands, I held one out to him. I wanted this to be normal. I wanted this to be as simple as us going to my place so I had some stuff at his. I wanted it to be a fantasy. I didn’t want to think about a stalker. Telling him I was in love with him had made a few things easier. And it had sufficiently distracted both of us from the danger at hand. I just needed my hand in his. I needed our skin touching. I needed to be reminded that this was what he did for me. He made me safe when nothing else could.^

Lee: -I threaded my fingers between hers and pulled her closer as I lead her over to the door. I didn’t want to think about why she was really coming to stay at my place for awhile. I could lie to myself and pretend she was coming to spend some time with me, and the truth was, she was going to be spending a lot of time with me. She was going to be with me all day, and she was going to be sleeping in my arms at night.

I was there to keep her safe, and I’d have done it whether she paid me to or not. I was there to take care of her just because of how I felt about her. That much was certain. I’d have done anything to make sure nothing bad happened to her. I didn’t know what was going on, but I was going to figure it out one way or another. And I was going to make sure she was safe and happy, no matter what I had to do.-

#WellItGoesLikeThis

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