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supercorpkid · 4 years

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Lena’s assassination attempt.

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader.

Word count: 1631.

Warning: panic attack.

This wasn’t your mom’s first assassination attempt and probably won’t be the last. You know that. But the last one was five years ago and it was so traumatic that you compartmentalized and pretended it never happened.

You were 10, and you remember that Kara came to pick you up from school in the middle of your math test. You tried to argue, you knew every answer, you wanted to finish it. But she just looked lost and scared, so you went with her. You flew together to the hospital, she kneeled down on the concrete and said, and you still remember every word of it.

“Hey, kid, listen. You don’t have to worry, because I promise your mom is going to be fine.”

“What? Why? What happened?”

“She got… She was shot.” Kara holds you still when you feel your legs shake. You feel like there’s a hole on the floor pulling you in. “But she’s out of surgery, and she is going to recover, ok?”

You don’t answer. There’s no answer to this. You want to see your mom, want to make her feel better, want to protect her. You should have protected her. You’re bulletproof. You could’ve shield her, or fly her out of there. You could’ve done something, but you were too focused on shutting your super hearing and paying attention to your test.

When Kara takes you to the hospital room, the world swallows you. Literally. You can’t see anything but your tiny helpless mom in a hospital bed. It’s too much. And that day you promised yourself that was the last time you would feel this way, and that you would let Lena feel this way.

You also worry about Kara, but it’s different. She fights aliens, super villains and even your uncle. Sometimes she gets beat up, but you know she can shake it off. But Lena, Lena is just human. What if one day she can’t shake it off?

After the promise you made to yourself, you’re constantly checking on her. Her heartbeat, her voice, her breathing. Neither one of your moms have any idea of this, but it’s something that you catch yourself doing every day. So, you’re in the middle of English class when you hear:

“Gentlemen, please, lower your weapons.”

In a blink, you’re running out of the classroom (you obviously didn’t get a hall pass), you find a window and you fly to L Corp so fast; the men didn’t even answer her yet. You break through her window (it was closed, not your fault), and the men get spooked and start shooting at you right away.

You shield your mom with your body, and press the button on the watch to get Supergirl to deal with them. But she takes a while, and the loud shooting noises are stressing you, so you punch one guy on the face, and kick the other one down. Then you grab both men and make your way to the balcony. You’re two seconds away to throw both from it, when Supergirl shows up, takes them off of your hands and flies away with them presumably to the prison.

You run towards Lena, who’s currently sitting on the floor. She has a hand on one arm, and you can see there’s blood.

“No, no, no. It can’t be!” You kneel in front of her, and can’t control the tears running down your face. “You’re hurt.”

“Baby, I’m ok. You saved me.” She is hurt, and bleeding, but still has a smile on her face and she looks proud of you.

“No, mom. You’re hurt.” You use your x-ray vision on her and apparently the bullet is not inside her arm. You see the bullet just grazed through her skin, but it doesn’t look good and it’s your fault. You didn’t shield her enough. You should’ve attacked them immediately, you should’ve thrown them out of the balcony, you should’ve done more. And where the hell was Supergirl while this was happening, anyway? “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should’ve, I could’ve…”

“Hey, I’m ok. I promise. You did it, kid.” She cups your face with one hand. “You did it, babygirl, you saved me.”

Kara flies in as soon as Lena is finished with the sentence and picks her up in a bridal style.

“Let’s take her to Alex.” She flies away to the DEO, leaving you alone in the room and you look around. There’s glass everywhere. And blood on your hands and on your school t-shirt. You’re supposed to follow them to the DEO, but all you do is sit amid the broken glass and the bullets, and cry your heart out.

Technically, you know she is safe. She only has a wound, she’ll recover. She will be able to move her arm so it’s ok. You did it. You saved her.

You know it, but you don’t feel it.

Your legs are trembling, and you feel the weakest you’ve ever felt in life. There’s blood on your hands, there wasn’t supposed to be blood. Especially not hers. There’s this gut feeling saying you didn’t do enough. You should’ve done more. Lena is still hurt, it’s your fault.

You lay on the floor, there’s so much tears you can’t see straight. And then comes the same feeling of the last time. The world swallows you again.

You hear all the noises, all the voices there are to hear in the world. They are loud, incomprehensive, and are driving you to madness. You want them to stop, but they just keep getting louder and deafening.

And then, you feel your eyes burning like fire and you’re unsure if you are actually using your heat vision, or maybe all the fear is dripping from your eyes in the form of a wildfire.

You try to ground yourself, so you grab the closest thing to your hand; you don’t know what it is, but in seconds it’s smashed into pieces and your hands feel empty again.

Then you hear another crashing sound and you can only deduct you broke the desk. Or maybe the ceiling. Or maybe the entire room is collapsing over you right now, but you don’t even feel it. And you don’t move. You can’t.

The only thing that you can do is yell. So you do it. You try to scream all the panic out of your body, but the only thing you manage to do is freeze the room entirely when you do so.

Suddenly, you feel everything at once. There’s part of the ceiling on top of your body. And you feel more. You feel broken glass and bullets and blood and ceiling and wood and ice. The room it’s a nightmare, but it doesn’t come close to what you feel. You’re not enough. Lena is hurt. You let your mom get hurt. You can’t breathe.

You feel your body being lifted, and you hear in the midst of all the other voices, Kara’s quiet voice in the back of your mind. You don’t dare open your eyes.

“She’s alright, you’re alright kid. You did it, little one. I love you.” She repeats the same words over and over again. And after a few minutes the world is silent again and her voice is all you can hear.

“I’ve got you. I’ve got you. You’re safe.” Kara says and you finally open your eyes. You’re not at L Corp anymore and judging by the metal walls you can only imagine she took you to the DEO, but you didn’t feel any of it. “There you go, momma is here with you, my baby.”

You want to ask where Lena is, but your voice doesn’t come out. Kara is holding you like a baby, you can feel you’re on her lap, she’s making soothing sounds and holding you so close you can feel her heartbeat against your own. It’s helping, but your heart is still beating faster than usual, and you still need to see your mom.

“Just breathe for me ok, baby?” Kara asks and you obey. You suck the air, but it doesn’t feel like it’s going to your lungs.“There you go. My brave girl. You saved your mom. I’m so proud of you.”

“Mom.” You finally say and Kara smiles at you.

“Your mom is safe because of you, little one.” She kisses your forehead and you close your eyes in relief, feeling tears rolling down your cheeks. You don’t know if you’re crying again or if maybe you never really stopped. “Hey, look who’s here.”

You open your eyes again and Lena is right in front of you. She has a bandage on her arm, but that’s all. She holds you tight and you breathe. You finally breathe.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t enough, mom.” You say and Lena holds your face with both hands. One tear falls from her eye.

“You were more than enough, babygirl.” She kisses your cheek. “You’ll always be more than enough.” Then she kisses your forehead. “I love you so much.”

“I love you so much.” You repeat and she smiles. Kara is smiling too; you can see their faces close to yours.

They keep you wrapped in their embrace for a long time. And they keep repeating that they’re proud of you, that they love you, and that you are a hero. You don’t feel like a hero, you feel like a kid that just blew up an entire room out of fear of losing her mom. You know the feeling will follow you for a long time, but right now all you can think about is that Lena is safe, you are safe and Kara is safe. You’re all here, together, and that’s all that matters, for now.

#supercorp fanfic #supercorpfamily #supergirl #kara danvers #lena luthor #reader #panic attack #supercorp #reader needs a hug

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cameroncreative · 3 years

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Lost But Not Forgotten

Cross Posted on my Ao3 if you want to read it there instead!

Title: Lost But Not Forgotten

Word Count: 2658 words

Summary: What if Eri got hit with the quirk erasing bullets?

Izuku quickly rushed the little girl in his arms to the closest ambulance. He gently laid her on the gurney. “Thank you, sir. We can take it from here.” They went to remove him from the ambulance but failed.

“I’m not leaving her. She is at a high risk of being targeted again, and I need to get to the hospital as well. It would be logical to let me ride with you and solve both of those issues at once.” He made sure to a level head and give a logical explanation to stay with Eri.

“Okay sir, but we don’t have another gurney for you.” She told him as a last-ditch effort to get him to leave and seek help himself.

“That’s fine. Please focus on Eri, I’ve dealt with worse. I just need some gauze to help stop the bleeding, and I’ll be fine until we get to the hospital.” Izuku sat in the corner of the ambulance to make sure he stayed out of the way as they helped patch up Eri.

----

Izuku uses little bursts of One For All to avoid the spikes shooting out of the ground. Eri clung to his back like a koala, as well as secured with Mirio’s cape. Her quirk rewinding the injuries just as fast as they happened.

Looking around she noticed one of the men start to sit up. He looked around and spotted the gun from earlier. Izuku landed the finishing punch to overhaul, as the other guy loaded the gun with the other red bullet. Izuku untied the cape from around her and placed her on the ground to check for any injuries. He still had his back to the man and hadn’t noticed that he had woken up.

Eri saw him go to pull the trigger and tried to move her hero out of the way. To try and save the person who was able to save her. She heard Izuku scream before she felt the sharp burn in her arm where the bright red bullet embedded its self.

Mirio quickly knocked out Nemoto and place cuffs on him, but the damage was already done. Eraserhead did the same to Overhaul. Izuku picked up Eri into his arms and ran to the ambulances. If tiny sparks of green lighting buzzed around his legs, no one noticed.

----

As soon as they got to the hospital they rushed Eri off to remove the bullet and heal any injures that needed healing quirks to fix. One of them directed Izuku to a nurse who helped patch up his remaining injuries. He had cuts and hairline fractures in both of his legs. Recovery girl was on her way and would be able to fix him up quickly as long as he laid there and didn’t aggravate or worsen his injures before she arrived.

Every time a nurse or doctor came in he asked about Eri.

How is she?

Was the surgery successful?

Can I see her?

Did she make it?

None of them had any answers for him. Finally, Aizawa showed up. Eri was to be put in his care after she recovered since he could help control her quirk, but something he said made Aizawa stop before leaving, “But she doesn’t have her quirk right now?”

“What?”

“She got hit by one of the red bullets. The ones they said permanently erases someone’s quirk. The only thing is that we know the bullets were made with her blood and quirk, so I’m not sure how she’ll react to it. Maybe-”

“Why wasn’t I informed of this before now?”

“Well, I wanted to make sure she didn’t lose too much blood. Especially since Kai and yakuza were already taking her blood to make the bullets. So I quickly got her to an ambulance. I’m sorry I didn’t inform anyone, but I’m not sorry about trying to save her.” Aizawa sighed.

“You did the right thing, Problem child. Recovery Girl arrived and she's helping some of the more critical patients, as well as Eri. Don’t move until she gets here. If I learn anything before then I’ll let you know.” Aizawa left to wherever Eri was, as Izuku laid back into the bed. Even as the adrenaline wore off his thoughts never slowed.

Is she okay?

Did she lose her quirk?

Will the bullet affect her differently since it was made from her blood?

Why did she try and save me, when I was supposed to be the one saving her?

Will I ever get to see her again?

----

Thankfully everything worked out. Eri did lose her quirk, but there doesn’t seem to have any other backlash from the bullet except a small starburst shaped on her arm. She was really happy when she learned that she was able to match her hero with their scars.

Aizawa and Yamada sill adopted her. Hitoshi and her are adorable playing with the cats. Plus, Aizawa emotionally adopted Izuku as well as being Hitoshi’s boyfriend. Izuku and Eri have become unofficial siblings.

Recently though, Eri’s been really tired and even passed out once while they were playing. They brought her to a good friend of Recovery Girls’s whose quirk is that she’s able to touch a person and see their entire medical history from surgeries to the paper cut you got at eight years old.

Eri’s body had been using her quirk to undo the damage Overhaul did when she was with him. Someone can only be taken apart and put back together so many times. Now that she doesn’t have her quirk her body is failing. “Is there any way to reverse it?” Izuku asked at the same time Aizawa asked, “How much longer does she have?”

“Aizawa! You can’t, no no no. There has to be a way to fix this!” Izuku plead. The doctor looked at him sadly.

“The damage isn’t something even Recovery Girl’s quirk can heal. Image having a scar that was heal and reopened constantly. Her quirk was able to go back before the scar was even there and remove it. But we can’t heal the scar once it’s healed. Based on how fast this happened and how long she was in his care, she probably has about one to two months left. Even then she will probably be in excruciating pain if she lived longer than that.” Izuku just sat down and held Eri who had fallen asleep earlier and cried.

One to two months.

Excruciating pain.

Can’t be healed.

‘I can’t lose her. She just started to warm up to us. I was supposed to save her! I’ll do my best to protect you. Make every day the best you’ve ever had. I promise. We’re lucky the league of villains already killed Overhaul or we might have had a repeat of the stain incident.’

The next month and a half passed way quicker than anyone wanted.

Picnics in the park.

Ice cream after school.

Movie nights with all of them cuddled together.

Makeover night with class 1A.

The spring festavatle.

Eri smiling.

More doctor visits.

Nightmares and screams.

Pain…

----

They woke up to the loud screams coming from Eri’s room. They all rushed to see what happened. Izuku reached her first and quickly woke her up from the nightmare. As soon as she was awake she grabbed onto Izuku like her world depended on it. Aizawa, Yamada, and Hitoshi were quick to join the hug.

Aizawa started to hum her favorite lullaby to help her get back to sleep as Izuku gently rocked her in his arms. As the song came to a close, the hiccupping sobs had stopped and her breathing slowed. The rest of them took and breath and relaxed. Crisis averted.

Izuku looked back to the sister he promised to protect. She looked so peaceful, almost too peaceful. She wasn’t moving. He quickly moved his hand under her nose to check if she was breathing.

Nothing.

He jumped up with her in his arms. And placed her on the floor. “Get Recovery Girl! She stopped breathing!” He faintly heard Hitoshi yell at Aizawa, but couldn’t focus on what they were saying as he made sure her airway was open and started chest compressions.

1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . . 7 . . . 8 . . . 9 . . . 10 . . . 11 . . . 12 . . . 13 . . . 14 . . . 15 . . . 16 . . . 17 . . . 18 . . . 19 . . . 20 . . . 21 . . . 22 . . . 23 . . . 24 . . . 25 . . . 26 . . . 27 . . . 2- he felt himself be pulled away from Eri as recovery Girl quickly attached the patches of the AED on her body and yelled “Clear!” as they charged up and shocked her lifless body, but ti was no use.

It was too late, She was gone and they could all feel it. Even though Recovery Girl whispered it after the second shock, it was heard loud and clear in the room.

Time of Death, 2:33 am

You could hear the tump of a body hitting the ground as Izuku fell to the ground by Hitoshi’s feet. Hitoshi sat down next to him and held him as they both cried over the loss of their sister.

Even though Aizawa and Yamada, and even Hitoshi a bit, had accepted that she didn’t have that much longer with them, Izuku still was trying to find a way to heal her. Izuku took her death the hardestest. He still wanted to believe that he could save her. He couldn’t accept that this was the end for her.

All Might showed up and help Recovery Girl bring Eri’s body to the infirmary until she could be buried. The rest of the Erasermic family ended up in the living room. Crying and holding each other until they passed out from exhaustion.

The next day they were nowhere to be found. Midnight and Nezu took over their classes. No one but All might, Recovery Girl, and Nezu knew what happened last night. The remaining members of the Erasermic family ended up at the Midoriya house in the morning for some much-needed food and comfort.

----

Inko was sitting on the crunch reading a book when she heard a knock at the door.

Did Mitsuki decide to come over?

Did Izuku need something?

Is Izuku okay?

She opened to door only to see a green blur capture her in a hug. She panicked until she notices the familiar dark green bird’s nest buried in her shoulder. Looking back to the open door she noticed the other three standing there as well. “Shota, Hizashi, Hitoshi, please come in.” Her son hesitantly let go and was immediately latched onto Hitoshi’s side. Even when Izuku was young he was always comforted by physical touch. This was made worse as he started school, and the bullying started. He distanced himself from her so she wouldn’t worry about the cuts and burns that started to litter his body.

Of course, she noticed, but she hoped he would come to her about it. Instead, he became touch starved and now craves physical effect, but only trusts certain people to touch him. Hitoshi lifted his boyfriend up and carried him to his room. As soon as he laid Izuku on the bed and cuddled close to him, Inko laid the weighted blanket over them.

Five minutes later Izuku stood up and came back with a white and red unicorn plush. He placed it between them when Hitoshi realized that it was Eri’s weighted and scented plush that she left here. The smell of candy apples started to fill the room as Izuku grabbed his hand placed it over the unicorn. He quickly caught on to what Izuku wanted and intertwined his hand with Izuku’s and rested it on the plush like they used to do when they cuddled with Eri on nights her nightmares got really bad.

“Would you two like some tea or coffee?” Inko asked the two gentlemen cuddled on the couch as she walked back into the living room. Yamada spoke up.

“Just a black coffee for Sho, and earl grey tea for me, thank you.”

Inko placed the kettle on the stove. Both men joined her in the kitchen. “So I noticed Izuku is extra cuddly today. Did something happen to him? Is that why you’re here?” She made sure to be blunt and straight to the point like she knew Aizawa preferred.

“Early this morning Eri passed.” Inko dropped the teaspoon she was holding for the tea. “Izuku’s not taking it too well.” Inko went over and engulfed both men in a hug. The tree of them had gotten closer. Aizawa had emotionally adopted Izuku, Inko emotionally adopted Hitoshi and Eri.

“H-how, how-” She took a breath before continuing, “How did she pass?” she asked gently.

“We went to comfort her after a nightmare. As she fell back to sleep her breathing stopped. We got Recovery Girl as Izuku started CPR, but it was too late.” Hizashi informed her.

She reached up and kissed both men on their cheeks as she pulled them into another hug. All of them we also touch starved and needed each other.

~~~~

Even once they returned to class, Izuku wasn’t the same. Katsuki has started dropping off a bento box where Izuku and Hitoshi ate after noticing Izuku didn’t want to be in the cafeteria but also didn’t bring lunch usually. Eventually, he started sitting with them at lunch. The three of them became closer. Hitoshi learned of their past, and if he made Katsuki do the macarena around the gym during their next class train session, well that’s totally unrelated.

One day they were studying in Izuku’s room when Izuku began to look for his textbook when he found a piece of candy apple red fabric. He had never given it back to Mirio after the raid since it helped Eri calm down after panic attacks and nightmares.

“-uku, Izuku, DEKU!” HE looked up at his boyfriend’s worried face.

“Zuku, you’re crying. What ha- Is that Miro’s cape?” he nodded slowly as more tears fell onto the fabric.

“I couldn’t save her! I promised I would save her!” He leaned into his chest, the fabric falling in favor of hugging him.

“This isn’t your fault. No one blames you, Zuzu. You rescued her from Overhaul. You are her hero.”

“I rescued her, but he still won! I couldn’t stop her pain. I should have never taken my eyes off of them. I could have stopped the bullet from ever hitting her. She would have still had her quirk. She could have healed. She would have survived!”

“Why are you even still with me Hitoshi? If I had done better your sister would still be here. Kacchan, you as well. You probably think I’m pathetic for not being able to save a single kid. I just don’t get it!” Izuku tried to pull away from them, but they just held him closer.

“Zuku, Izuku look at me.” He raised his head slowly. “First off, she was just as much your sister as mine. Second, you’re the reason I got a little sister in the first place. You did you’re very best, and it’s not your fault. The only people I blame are Overhaul and the rest of the Yakuza who sat back and let him do this. You did something about it. You got her out of that situation. I’m still here because of all of that and more. You are so amazing and you don’t even realize it.” He softly kissed Izuku’s head.

“I know I don’t have the greatest track record for sticking by you-” Hitoshi snorted, “Fine! I’m shit at it, okay! I know, but I’m not going anywhere. We’ll be the wonder duo again, plus this purple emo tagging along, hahaha. But seriously, we’re not going anywhere.”

The next day the three boys didn’t show up to class. When Aizawa went looking for them, he found them cuddled together on the floor. Mirio’s cape is on the ground next to them.

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ferryboatpeak · 6 years

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When are you writing more for mpreg harry? I love it!

IT’S TIME, ANON! Thanks to you and to all the other anons who have kept this story moving, one ask after another, we have reached the conclusion of our tale. I have a couple more asks to get to for epilogue-type stuff (and would entertain more), but this is it, the final installment of the main not-fic. Here we goooooo…

the rest of the story: [parts 1-7] [part 8][part 9] [part 10]

Nick resolves to make more of an effort. Harry’s the one on the cusp of major experimental surgery, not to mention the baby that’s going to result, and Nick can manage to hang out and watch romcoms if it’s going to make Harry happy. Even if it’s going to make Nick miserable in the end. Insulating himself from the depths of his emotions means that their time together has a strain that it’s never had before – suddenly Nick can’t be himself around Harry, and it’s a loss he feels keenly. But he’s so intent on bracing himself against the hurt of being close to Harry (but not close enough) that he doesn’t notice that Harry’s also more guarded than usual, retreating inside himself with the suspicion that he’s being judged.

Nevertheless, Harry craves Nick’s company, and both of these exceptionally pleasant human beings can manage to pass the time together without too much awkwardness. So that’s what they’re doing one night in March, just after Harry’s pregnancy hits 37 weeks. Harry’s quieter than usual, and he keeps shifting uncomfortably on the sofa. When Nick asks, he says he’s feeling kind of queasy, and his back hurts. Anne immediately says to call the doctor, but Harry brushes it off: he’s uncomfortable all the time these days, it’s not a big deal.

“I think you should call,” Nick says, pausing the movie. Harry’s called the doctor about yoga poses and eating honey and boxing and multiple drafts of his birth plan, so what harm’s it going to do to call her now?

Harry calls, curled up with his head on the arm of the sofa, gravity holding his phone to his ear. The doctor hears him out, asking a few questions. As Harry listens to what she has to say, his expression changes. “Oh,” Harry says. “I thought that…” He squirms into a sitting position, hand on his stomach. “Is it too soon?”

Across the room, Nick sees Anne tense up in her chair as well. “All right,” Harry says into the phone, “if you’re sure.” He tosses the phone onto the cushion next to him. “Well,” he announces to Nick and Anne, leaning forward and planting both feet on the floor. His knees are spread apart to accommodate his belly, bulging toward the edge of the sofa under the capital-lettered DAMN on the front of his hoodie. He smacks his his palms down onto his knees decisively. “I’m having a baby tonight.” The doctor says his symptoms sound an awful lot like labor, and so they’re going to rush him into surgery immediately.

Nick squashes down the panicky feeling in his chest. Not about me, he reminds himself. He knows false bravado when he sees it, and Harry doesn’t need to worry about Nick’s panic on top of his own. While Harry’s on the phone with Jeff, making arrangements for security and transportation, Nick fiddles with the laces of his shoes, tying and untying them as he tries to figure out the right way to say goodbye to somebody who’s off to have an unprecedented baby.

Giving up, he grabs his jacket. “Hold on,” Harry says into the phone, and then angles it away from his mouth to talk to Nick. “You’re leaving?” The question is uncertain, a strain in Harry’s voice.

Nick pauses, jacket halfway on. “Unless you…”

“Come with,” Harry says quickly.

Nick sits down. “Of course I will.”

At the hospital, Harry’s dark-windowed car pulls into a loading dock. The door rolls shut behind them, and they’re escorted through the back entrances and maintenance corridors of the facility. Harry’s pale and serious-looking, moving purposefully through the halls in the center of a tight knot of security and doctors. In the end, Nick doesn’t say anything at all, just squeezes Harry’s hand before he’s led away into the surgical suite and Nick and Anne are shown to a private waiting area.

They wait. Jeff joins them, and Gemma. Nick calls someone to pick up the dogs for the night. He finds a wall outlet; he’s got a phone charger in his bag, thank god. Jeff taps away at his laptop, and Anne tries to read a book but mostly ends up pacing.

It feels like hours and hours go by. Well after midnight, one of the doctors appears. His news is directed to Jeff (because Jeff’s the one who’s got permission to access all of Harry’s medical information under whatever the British version of HIPAA is). Blah blah blah some biology i’m not thinking about. In short, the procedure went well. Everybody exhales. Anne, the doctor says, Harry’d like you to come in and be with the baby while we finish stitching him up.

Anne dashes back with the doctor. Nick feels like he’s crossed into some kind of blank space. Harry’s not pregnant any more; that strange thing is over. No more risk, no more uncertainty. Healthy baby, healthy Harry. No more hospital vigil to keep, and now Nick has no idea what he’s supposed to do. He asks Jeff if he should go. Nah, Jeff says, he wanted you here, at least wait to see him, if you can.

They wait, and they wait. Nick’s starting to doze off on the hard hospital sofa when Anne comes out to tell them that Harry’s been moved to a room and is ready to see everyone. Quiet night with his baby, recovering from surgery? No, friends, this is Harry Styles, riding a wave of postpartum oxytocin, and he is JUBILANT. He is VICTORIOUS. He has GESTATED and BIRTHED an ENTIRE BABY with his VERY OWN BODY and he is ready to SHOW EVERYBODY and be VENERATED.

Harry’s sat up in his hospital bed, cradling a little burrito of a baby in an ill-fitting hospital hat and a flannel hospital-printed blanket. The hair falling out of his hair clip is stringy and his face is puffy and he’s completely radiant. Everyone crowds around the bed, craning their necks to get a peek at the little scrunched-up face, congratulating Harry and telling him she’s beautiful.

Gemma pulls a heavy vinyl-covered hospital chair up to the head of the bed and Harry hands the baby over to her. Jeff walks the perimeter of the room, gathering up the paperwork that’s lying around and erasing Harry’s name and the baby’s name from the whiteboard on the wall. Nick hovers in the background, not as purposeful as Jeff, while Gemma holds her niece and Harry giddily chatters about the gory medical details and the baby’s exceptional Apgar score and the first song he played for her.

(I feel that Harry puts a lot of thought into the first song he wants to cue up after the baby’s born, and I do not think that Sign of the Times would be the answer. I’m pretty sure it’s something involving Stevie Nicks.)

Nick leans a knee on the deep windowsill and presses his cheek to the cold glass, looking out at quiet London in the still hours of the morning. By the time he gets home, it’ll be almost his old wake-up hour. Getting a couple hours of sleep before heading to work is going to feel like he’s back to his Breakfast Show routine. At least he’s not headed there straight from the hospital. Straight through crew, Nick thinks, turning back to the room to contrast teenage Harry with the older, postpartum version in front of him.

Gemma stands up with the baby. “Nick, want a turn?”

“Of course.” She gently transfers the baby to him, and he takes her place in the bedside chair. For a moment, it’s only Nick and Harry smiling at each other as the baby sleeps in Nick’s arms.

It occurs to Harry that this is nice. Really nice. Awash in oxytocin and empowerment, he’s completely confident that having a baby is the best thing he’s ever done (the best thing that ANYBODY has ever done, EVER). And Nick’s looking down at his baby so tenderly, and that makes it all even better. “Not so bad, is it?” he asks Nick, a little smugly, gesturing at the space that holds Nick and the baby and himself.

Nick, who’s just been wondering if he can get away with kissing the baby’s forehead, is completely confused. “Why would it be bad?”

You didn’t like the surrogate thing, Harry says, but this isn’t terrible, right?

“Oh my god.” It takes him a second to put it together, that Harry’s assumed he didn’t like the rumors because he didn’t want to be linked to Harry and the baby. Not because it’s been 13 weeks of Twitter and the tabs and everyone he knows blithely joking about Nick’s innermost feelings. Nick swallows hard and opens his eyes wide, to dry them out. “Please, don’t ever think I don’t want this.”

Because he’s still trying to expose his eyeballs to as much air as possible, he’s got to keep looking at Harry as Harry’s expression shifts from bemusement to relief to something else. Jeff must have some kind of sixth sense for Harry’s eyes welling up; in Nick’s peripheral vision he can see him nudging Anne and Gemma out of the room. The door closes behind the three of them.

Nick apologizes, and Harry sniffles a little and wipes his eye on the corner of the thin hospital sheet, and finally asks, well, if you weren’t trying to get clear of the rumors, then why were you being so weird?

“It’s just hard,” Nick says, and apologizes again, because he’s sorry to lay all of this on Harry right now, but he’s got to make sure that Harry knows he’s not mad at him. “And none of this is your problem,” he starts. The baby’s impossibly light and warm in the crook of his elbow. “I’m just… jealous.”

It’s the right word, the one that unlocks all of it. “I’m jealous of the other… the other parent, whoever it is…” – Harry opens his mouth, but Nick talks over him – “whoever it is now, or whoever it will be. I’m jealous of you for having a baby out of nowhere when it’s never going to be that easy for me.” Nick’s picking up speed now, needing to get it all out before Harry’s family comes back in. “I’m jealous of her…” – Nick nods his head down at the baby– “…for belonging to you…” …when I don’t, he thinks but doesn’t say. He takes a deep breath. “I’m jealous of both of you for being a family I’m not part of.”

Harry’s face crumples, and Nick does the only thing he can think of to cheer him up, which is to hand the baby back to him. He apologizes again, and tells Harry that this doesn’t change anything, he’s still going to be here for him, it doesn’t have to tank their friendship. Harry’s speechless and teary-eyed, clutching the baby with both arms. Nick keeps talking into the silence. Unless you want… I get it if you’re not comfortable… well, I can go, it’s probably just better if I go, all right? The chair screeches against the floor as he scoots back from the bed.

Pieces are falling into place for Harry. The glow he felt back at the beginning, when this was just a joke, and Nick would pat his belly and ask how the baby’s doing. Nick finding him scared and confused on the floor of the bathroom, Nick taking him to his first doctor’s appointment. Nick poking at the baby. Nick picking him up at an icy service station in the middle of the night. The sinking awfulness of the suspicion that Nick was pulling away. His instinctive request for Nick to come with him to the hospital. Nick’s the person he’s wanted with him, all along.

Nick’s walking toward the door when Harry finally says something. “You want this?” he asks, voice cracking, pointing with his chin to his baby, to his body, to everything.

“So much,” Nick says, leaning his shaking hands on the plastic frame at the end of the bed. “So much.”

“Okay,” Harry says, smiling. He ducks his head to ineffectually wipe the side of his face on the polyester shoulder of his hospital gown. “Okay, yeah.”

Nick walks slowly back to the head of the bed, and offers Harry a tissue from the box on the side table. Harry carefully shifts the baby’s weight onto one arm so he can take it and wipe his eyes and blow his nose. He pats the mattress next to him. “Can you fit?”

Nick can’t, not really, but he squeezes onto the bed anyway, one leg stretched out next to Harry’s and the other braced on the floor. He puts one arm around Harry and the other around the baby, still sleeping in the crook of Harry’s elbow undisturbed by the momentous developments around her. Nick kisses Harry’s temple and Harry turns his head to kiss him properly, and part of the joy of not actually writing this fic means that I don’t have to think of a perfect ending sentence, so I’m just going to leave you here, with Nick and Harry kissing while the baby sleeps in their arms. THE END.

#first guy ever verse #i need to do a rebloggable post with links to all of it #so if any crafty people wanna make me a header i'd appreciate it

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jensenscomedyelbows · 6 years

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SUPERNATUAL 21 QUESTIONS

(THE INCREDIBLE HEATHER, AKA @sammichgirl, did this and tagged me as one of her favorite blogs, so I’m giving it a go. Thanks, doll.)

1. When did you start watching Supernatural?

On September 19, 2012. I was recovering from surgery and had binged all there was to binge on Netflix at that point, and I asked my BFF James what I should watch. He immediately said “Supernatural!” I was skeptical, and I asked him exactly what it was about. He told me brothers, Sam and Dean, who were “slayers,” probably because he knew I loved BtVS and that would interest me. I thought hmmm, maybe. That same day my other BFF, Angel, called to check on me, so I asked her if she had any recommendations—and she said the same thing! She, like James, had watched every episode live since day one. So I watched the pilot, and was immediately struck by the twin images of Mary and Jessica burning on the ceiling. I HAD TO KNOW WHY. Three weeks later, I finished season 6, just in time for Netflix to add season 7, and not long after I finished that, season 8 began airing live, with me right in front of my TV every Tuesday night, dying to see what would happen next. AND I’M STILL HERE (and have been to THREE conventions, lord have mercy!)

2. Who is your favorite in TFW?

Like Heather, I never really thought that was a thing. It was a line put in for a laugh in one episode that got blown up into a big deal, but I never felt invested in the concept. But if you’re asking me which character is my favorite among Sam, Dean, and Castiel, my favorite will always be Dean. You can’t love him without loving Sam too, however, and there are episodes in which my sympathies are more with Sam, and episodes in which I identify/sympathize more with Dean. I rarely sympathize with Castiel because he’s not human.

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW?

Castiel. I haven’t much liked his character since season 5, but I do recognize that’s entirely the writers’ fault.

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs.

The ones I turn to again and again for gifs (and which have been particularly useful in illustrating my 2019 rewatch) have been: @sensitivehandsomeactionman @secretsandgreeneyes @saucynewf @demondetoxmanual and @spn-idjits-guide-to-hunting. I also love @lipglosskaz @sammichgirl @lemondropsonice @whiskeycherrypie and @misswhizzy. I am a thousand percent sure I’m leaving out at least fifty I love and adore 🥰, and it will drive me nuts thinking about it!

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)?

Bobby Singer, no contest, hands down.

6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural?

Ellen Harvelle. A calm, steadying presence with the knowledge and skill to back up her formidable courage. Tough when she needed to be, loving when the people she cared about were in trouble. Heroic.

7. John or Mary?

Neither or both. If you erase the Dabb era resurrection of Mary, then both. Both John and Mary had profound impacts on Sam and Dean’s personalities and views of the world—John’s by his presence and Mary’s by her absence. They made our boys who they are. But if you count Mary’s resurrection and terrible new character arc, then John of course.

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack?

I thought it was commendable for Sam to want to go to law school, and tragic what happened to Jessica and his plans for the future. I loved how open he was with Dean (early days!), how much trust he had in him, and how easily victims responded to him. Also: book smarts are a turn-on of mine.

I fell in love with Dean’s beauty by Wendigo, and his everything else by Home. The brave face, the stiff upper lip hiding the vulnerability and insecurity from his little brother because he feels he has to be strong for him—all that just made me love him more. Also: a wicked sense of humor is a huge turn-on of mine.

Castiel has a great character entrance. Emotionless. He burned out Pamela’s eyes. I thought that was unnecessary. He and Uriel were alien beings whose motives were the opposite of pure, so I feared his power and questioned his interaction with Sam and Dean.

Jack: Oh, I get it—the CW needs to compete with Riverdale and its other shows featuring teenagers, so they invented Lucifer’s son to boost ratings. *shrug*

9. What’s your favorite season?

2, 4, and 5–there are just too many good ones to have just one favorite. I also love 1 and 3. LOL.

10. What’s your least favorite season?

Season 12 just about broke me. Let me count the ways: Lucifer possessing the President of the United States (oh please, I watch this show to ESCAPE real life, tyvm), Sam and Dean MURDERING him in yet another failed attempt to kill Lucifer, being sent to “Supermax” which, again, PLEASE, do you even know what would happen to the assassins responsible for killing the POTUS? Not even Sam and Dean would be able to bust out of that lockup—no effing way—yet they did. And how did they do it? By murdering a shitload of HUMAN BEINGS just doing their jobs, running around with AK-47s while yelling how they’re the guys who saved the world 🙄 I can’t see either Sam or Dean EVER bragging about that, and since then, they have, many times, and it always sets my teeth on edge. SEASON TWELVE DOESN’T EXIST TO ME.

11. What’s your opinion on Destiel?

It’s a fan ship that is popular among the younger, less experienced viewers of our show (many of whom haven’t even seen any seasons/episodes without Castiel in them), so my opinion isn’t very high. It’s like Dean and Cas are two dolls, and the Destiel fandom’s chief delight is mashing them together any way they can. And forcing the rest of us to hear them lecture us on how it’s “real,” how it’s “going to be canon,” and generally alienating everyone who doesn’t ship those two characters. I ignore anything to do with it.

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits?

I’m not queer, so bearing in mind that I wouldn’t necessarily see it if it did, I’ve tried to look at it as impartially and dispassionately as possible, and I believe that Misha has been guilty of it, on occasion. (Sure, it’s all in good fun, he’s only kidding, he’s having a laugh, etc.) Ben Edlund has as well. Robbie Thompson was perhaps guilty of it a time or two. But this is all supposing that it is impossible for A TRUE PLATONIC LOVING RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN TWO MEN to be portrayed on television. I mean, Dean/Castiel is the only “baiting” I’ve ever heard people yell about, so I’m sticking to this one possible pairing as the one responsible for this question. I personally have no trouble accepting a platonic same-sex relationship...but queer fandom seems to have a lot of trouble with this concept?

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14?

Hahahaha, obviously 1-7. KEEP 12 AWAY FROM ME.

14. Who’s your favorite villain?

CROWLEY. He was so awful before his redemptive stuff at the end. Never forget that as of the end of season 8, he was murdering all the innocent people Sam and Dean had saved (including Sarah Blake!), then in season 9, he was the one responsible for getting Gadreel out of Sam. After that, he wasn’t really a villain anymore. But he was so irredeemably evil for four seasons!

15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line?

THEY HAVE! Now they just need to end the NICK plot line.

16. Who do you think has been through more trauma—Sam, Dean or Cas?

Sam and Dean have been through the SAME traumas, almost exactly, so I call theirs dead even. I wouldn’t want to measure or quantify “trauma” in any case. Castiel isn’t human, so I never thought of him as undergoing any trauma.

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode?

Mystery Spot, 3x11. It’s the one I would show someone new to the show. It’s the one I watch when I’m down. I LOVE stories with the time-loop trope ❤️ The acting is phenomenal. It’s funny, it’s tragic, it’s everything.

18. Do you like the case episodes?

All of season 1 is comprised of “case” episodes. Looking for John and Sam’s connection to “the demon” are secondary in that season, and I loved it enough to fall in love with the entire series, so YES. I’m a horror/mystery buff at heart.

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW?

It will come as no surprise to anyone reading this that my answer is Dean.

20. Why do you like Supernatural?

Honestly, it’s the only place I can see the Winchesters do their thing—make their choices, fight their battles, and live their lives. They DO lead eventful lives!

21. If you could bring back one character and kill another off, who would they be?

I’m gonna interpret “bring back” as “never killed off” and go with Bobby—the Bobby we knew and loved, the Bobby who had the boys’ backs and was always there, dispensing wisdom and advice. “Bring back” means an entirely different thing now that there’s an AU—they can (and have) brought back EVERYBODY in an effort to appease fans and boost ratings. I think it’s a failure of imagination, personally, and I’ll give that version of bringing back a hard pass.

I would definitely kill Castiel off, or send him to Heaven for good. And then I don’t want to hear another word about Heaven or Hell again, the end. He hasn’t done anything but give pep talks and occasionally perform a miraculous task when the writers need him to. His character has already been killed, and it was a slow death by a thousand cuts. Very sad.

OKAY. I’m not tagging anybody either, but here’s your chance to get your opinions out there and on the record, so do it! (if you do it, please tag me!)

#supernatural opinions #degree of difficulty: expert #sammichgirl

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woodswiwrapup-blog · 6 years

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Will the Badgers Reign Supreme in the Big Ten West Again in 2018?

In just 93 short days football will be back under the lights at Camp Randall Stadium. Once again, the Badgers kickoff their season on a Friday night. This year, they face the Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky. I absolutely cannot wait until the season starts. I strongly believe that the Badgers will defend their crown as Big Ten West Division champions. Furthermore, I believe that the Badgers will once again, make a run at the College Football Playoff.

In 2017, the Wisconsin offense was the second highest scoring offense in the Big Ten, averaging 33.8 points per game. They trailed only Ohio State and Penn State, who both averaged 41.1 points per game. The Badgers will be returning 10 of 11 offensive starters from a season ago. They also have the reigning Big Ten Coach of the Year, in Paul Chryst. This should have them in business to replicate, if not exceed, their offensive production from last year.

The Wisconsin defense was nothing short of spectacular in 2017. They posted the number one total defense in the Big Ten. Additionally, they had the best scoring defense in the Big Ten. Allowing just 13.9 points per game, 2.6 less points per game than the next team. The Badgers also had one shutout, well, two if you take away Iowa’s Josh Jackson’s two pick-sixes. They posted their best performance against the Iowa Hawkeyes, allowing just 66 yards. Keeping the Iowa offense out of the end zone, after running up 55 points on Ohio State a week earlier. Despite losing 7 of 11 starters though, the Badger defense will be just fine.

Below you will find a position-by-position recap of 2017 and a breakdown of what to expect in 2018.

Quarterbacks

Coming off his first full season as the Badgers starting quarterback, Alex Hornibrook is back in 2018 for his redshirt junior season. Hornibrook threw a career-high 25 touchdowns last season, which is the most by a Badgers quarterback since Russell Wilson threw a record-33, in 2011. He also threw for 2,644 yards, good for fifth most by a Badgers quarterback in a single season, and the most since Joel Stave threw for 2,687 in 2015. One thing Hornibrook struggled with, was throwing interceptions. He threw 15 on the season, including at least one in each of the first eight Big Ten games. He turned it around in the Badgers matchup with the Miami Hurricanes in the Orange Bowl though. He threw for 258 yards and four touchdowns, earning himself game MVP. With chemistry to build off of from 2017, Hornibrook should put up even better numbers in 2018. He might even be the first quarterback to join Russell Wilson in the 30 touchdown club.

Offensive Lineman

The key to a good offense, is having a good offensive line. Good thing for the Badgers, this is something they have. They are returning their entire starting offensive line from 2017. This includes two NFL caliber players, Michael Dieter and Beau Benzschawel. This return will have Alex Hornibrook and Jonathan Taylor very happy. The sky is the limit for the Badger offense when they have such a strong line.

Wide Receivers

The current wide receivers group for the Badgers is one of, if not the deepest, they have ever had. They will be returning their top four wideouts from 2017: Quintez Cephus, Danny Davis, Kendric Pryor, and AJ Taylor. These four combined for 100 receptions for 1,573 yards and 17 touchdowns.

Quintez Cephus will be coming off a right leg injury that held him out of the Badgers final five games and most of spring practice. Prior to his injury though, Cephus was the Badgers top receiver. He had 30 receptions for 501 yards and 6 touchdowns. Though his season was cut short, his six touchdown catches still led the team. In fact, Cephus had the most touchdowns in a single season by a Badger receiver since Jared Abbrederis’ seven in 2013. Even more interesting, Cephus was on pace for 9.33 touchdowns in 2017, which would have given him the most since Lee Evans had nine in 2001. After his breakout year a season ago, look for Cephus to be even better in 2018. I don’t think it would be too far off to say that he could reach double-digit touchdowns. This would be quite the feat for the Badger receiver, as there are only two receivers in school history with double-digit touchdowns. Lee Evans did it in 2003 with 13 and Nick Toon did it in 2011 with 10.

Danny Davis will be a true sophomore for the Badgers in 2018. He was likely to redshirt his freshman season until he surprised everyone in fall camp, giving the coaches no choice but to play him. He did not disappoint. He showed that has the potential to become the Badgers best deep threat since Jared Abbrederis (in 2013). His breakout season was capped off with a three touchdown performance in the Orange Bowl against Miami. The future is bright for Davis. Expect to see him pick up right where he left off once the season starts.

Kendric Pryor missed the first five games of the 2017 season while recovering from facial injuries suffered from a moped accident. In addition to his receiving, Pryor also had 63 yards rushing yards and two touchdowns. Though his receiving numbers were low, 2018 looks to be a better season. He will have game experience as well as the same quarterback throwing to him.

After a preview of his talent in 2016, AJ Taylor unleashed in 2017. He finished the season with the second most receiving yards by a Badger wide receiver. As well as finishing in a tie for second in receiving touchdowns, with Danny Davis. He had his biggest game in the Orange Bowl. He caught 8 passes for 105 yards and one touchdown. After his emergence to scene, Taylor should have no problem replicating his production from 2017 in 2018.

Additionally, the Badgers have a few intriguing new faces coming in. Two receivers, Aron Cruickshank and Taj Mustapha, enrolled early, in January, allowing them to get a head start and participate in spring practices. By the looks of it, these newcomers will provide even more talent to this special group. These true freshmen look to follow in the footsteps of teammates: Quintez Cephus, AJ Taylor, and Danny Davis, and provide depth to the position as true freshmen. But it doesn’t end here, the Badgers will have two more wide receivers joining them in the summer, AJ Abbott and Isaac Guerendo.

Running Backs

“RunningBack U.” That is the nickname dubbed to the University of Wisconsin for their long history of producing great running backs. Jonathan Taylor in 2017 was no different. He had a record-setting freshman year for the Badgers. His 1,977 yards broke Adrian Peterson’s freshman rushing record of 1,925 yards. Taylor was also a finalist for the Doak Walker Award, and finished sixth in Heisman Trophy voting. But the accolades did not stop there for Taylor. He won the Thompson-Randle El Freshman of the Year award in the Big Ten. Making him the first Badger to win the award since fellow running back James White in 2010. Taylor also led the Big Ten in rushing. Ending with 574 more yards than the next person, fellow freshman J.K. Dobbins.

When thinking of how great his freshman season was, there is only one other player to compare Taylor to, Ron Dayne. In a freshman season in Wisconsin history, Taylor is second only to Dayne in rushing yards. Dayne put up 2,109 yards in 1996 and in 2017, Taylor had 1,977. Unlike the NCAA, I am including Dayne’s bowl stats.

With Taylor his entire offensive line coming back, Taylor looks to have even more success in 2018. After finishing his freshman campaign 33 yards short of 2,000, I would not put it past Taylor to reach that mark this season. With a year of experience under his belt and a veteran line, anything is possible. If he is able to reach the mark, he would join as exclusive club. Only two running backs in Wisconsin history have rushed for 2,000 yards. They are Ron Dayne (1996, 1999) and Melvin Gordon (2014).

The Badgers are also getting back Chris James and Garrett Groshek. As well as Bradrick Shaw, who is coming off a torn ACL, and Taiwan Deal, who recently had ankle surgery. Though this group has battled their fair share of injuries, each player will be able to help back-up Jonathan Taylor.

Additionally, the Badgers have an incoming freshman, Nakia Watson, who will likely battle for a spot in the rotation. Last year, we were unclear whether or not Jonathan Taylor was going to play, but after a strong Fall Camp, the decision was clear. Watson is hoping to have similar experience. I think, given the current state of the back-ups, that Watson could find himself with some playing time in the Fall.

Tight Ends

It will be hard to replace Troy Fumagalli. He won the Tight End of the Year award in the Big Ten. Joining Jacob Pedersen (2012), as the only Badgers to win the award. He also finished the season with the most receiving yards on the team, 547.

However, the Badgers will have redshirt freshman tight end, Jake Ferguson, at their disposal. Ferguson won Offensive Scout-Team Player of the Year in 2017. And has impressed coaches all throughout his redshirt season. I for one, am excited to see what he brings to the table.

The Badgers will also return senior, Zander Neuville, and redshirt junior, Kyle Penniston. Neuville is coming off an injury that kept him sidelined for the final two games of the season. But he will be ready to go come Fall Camp. Incoming freshman, Jaylan Franklin, will also be joining the group in the summer.

Cornerbacks

Wisconsin will be losing their top two cornerbacks from 2017, Nick Nelson and Derrick Tindal. Nelson, and his single season school-record 21 pass break-ups forewent his senior year and entered the NFL Draft. While Tindal, and his 3 interceptions, graduated. The Badgers will also lose Lubern Figaro, to graduation. The only experienced player returning for the Badgers is Dontye Carriere-Williams.

Madison Cone, Faion Hicks, and Caesar Williams all look to battle it out to play opposite of Carriere-Williams. Cone has the most experience of the three. He played in nine games as a true freshman in 2017. He is likely the early favorite to win the job.

The Badgers do have an early enrollee cornerback, Donte Burton. With a possible starting spot up for grabs, this decision could play off nicely for Burton.

In the summer, Burton will be joined by fellow freshmen cornerbacks Travion Blaylock and Alexander Smith. With a depleted cornerback room, any of the incoming freshman, or young veterans could become part of the rotation. It will be interesting to see what unfolds during Fall Camp, and who the new starting cornerback will be.

Safety

The Badgers will be losing one of their starting safeties, Natrell Jamerson, to graduation. Jamerson had two interceptions, including a pick-six, to go along with 51 tackles. The team will also be losing interception leader, Joe Ferguson, to graduation. However, the team still has D’Cota Dixon. He logged 58 tackles and one interception in 2017. Having an experienced player and team leader like Dixon will be huge for the success of the Wisconsin secondary.

The Badgers also have Patrick Johnson II, Eric Burrell, Seth Currens, and Scott Nelson. Johnson saw playing before having his season cut short due to an arm injury. Burrell also contributed in the secondary in 2017. He and Johnson both look to have an even bigger impact in 2018. The two are also the likely favorites win the final starting safety job. There is also an early enrollee at this position, Reggie Pearson, Jr. The Badger secondary will also be joined this summer by Rachad Wildgoose II. It will be an interesting battle to see who gets the starting spot next to Dixon. I cannot wait to find out.

Linebackers

After losing both TJ Watt and Vince Biegel after the 2016 season, many believed that the linebacking group would take a severe hit in 2017. But they proved everyone wrong. Even with losing Jack Cichy to torn ACL and Zack Baun to a broken left foot, the linebackers did not miss a beat. Ryan Connelly led the team with 88 tackles, and even had an interception. TJ Edwards tied the team lead with four interceptions and totaled 81 tackles on the season. While Leon Jacobs had 60 tackles and two interceptions of his own. Newcomer, Andrew Van Ginkel, was a huge boost to the group. He had 39 tackles and two interceptions. Garrett Dooley added 39 tackles for the Badgers.

Though losing Jacobs, Dooley, and even Cichy will be tough, I can’t see the Badger linebacker group being too fazed. Interception leader-TJ Edwards, tackles leader-Ryan Connelly, Chris Orr, Andrew Van Ginkel, and Zack Baun will all be returning. This group takes hit after hit, but they constantly prove that they are one of the deepest positions on the team. I am truly looking forward to watching this group continue to dominate in 2018.

Defensive Line

The Badgers will be losing two of their starting defensive lineman, in Alec James and Conor Sheehy. They will also be losing Chikwe Obasih. The three combined for 98 tackles. However, the Badgers will be getting back their starting nose tackle, Olive Sagapolu. Good news for them, bad news for opponents. Garrett Rand and Isaiahh Loudermilk, who also saw significant playing time in 2017, will be returning. The Badgers have an early enrollee at this position as well, Bryson Williams. With the departures of two of the starting line, Williams hopes that his work this spring will be rewarded with playing time this Fall.

I will leave you with this. The Badger offense will be returning 10 of 11 starters from last season. Everyone will have had a season of experience. Knowing how to work with one another and make each other better. The way it looks right now, this offense could be one of the best in the Big Ten in 2018. On the other side of the ball, the Badger defense will be losing 7 of 11 starters. However, they always seem to replenish and exceed outside expectations. The linebacker group has shown time and time again that they are one of the deepest on the team, and I expect it to be that way again in 2018. Though, the Badgers biggest concerns will come in their secondary. Yet, I have complete faith that Defensive Coordinator, Jim Leonhard, will have the defense in top shape come August 31.

On Wisconsin!

#MKT400UWL Badgers OnWisconsin

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acyborgkitty · 6 years

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I just finished watching Jennifer Brea’s incredible documentary Unrest on Netflix. Watch it now. Everyone should.

My story.

I became ill suddenly, and severely, in September (I think) of 2016. I had just moved to Providence in August from San Francisco, without my partner of 10+ years, to take a teaching job at Brown University. I was teaching a poetry workshop for Frequency Writers, a community writing group, as well as a class I developed for Brown’s Literary Arts department, Experimental Poets of Color. Providence is a city I love, and even though the gig was adjunct (i.e. no job security, no health insurance, etc.) I wanted to be in Providence, and I wanted to be teaching in my fiend. I had health insurance through the ACA at the time, and though I had been diagnosed with several mental illnesses many years before (major depression and general and social anxiety disorders) I felt that my hearth was well managed with the medication I was on.

I was so happy to be back in Providence, I would walk for hours around the city, sometimes 7 miles in one stretch, listening to music and books. I was thrilled to be teaching the class I desperately wish I had been able to take at any point in my education (which includes three masters degrees), and to be nearer to my friends and family who live in Boston and the surrounding areas. I missed my partner, but we’ve been long distance for much of our relationship (the price of being an artist in academia), and it seemed like he was getting ready to leave San Francisco and head back east himself.

It was the second meeting, I think, of the Frequency open poetry workshop. It was Wednesday night. I walked to the community gallery space on Carpenter St. where we held our meetings early, unlocked the doors, and made myself some tea. It was a normal night. At some point during the workshop I started to feel exhausted, sick, like I was getting a cold. I pushed through, but took a Lyft home. I woke up the next day and still felt bad. Worse, even. I cancelled that day’s class and stayed in bed. By the next week I still wasn’t feeling any better. I went to the CVS clinic to see if I had the flu, which was going around and apparently quite bad that year. I didn’t, I was told it was just a bad cold, and to take some cough suppressant for the bad cough.

I thought maybe I wasn’t sleeping well - I was tired all the time - and maybe that was making the cold last longer than normal. I had had (undiagnosed) chronic pain for years which had started in 2007 in my first year in grad school. It was especially bad in my neck and lower back, so I had spent years and a lot of money finding a really good mattress. But I had housemates that were young, noisy, up late, so I invested in an eye mask, noise-cancelling headphones that I slept in, and a white noise machine. I had to teach my classes, but I would show up, teach, and come immediately back home and stay in bed until I had to teach the next class. I spent several weeks like this, thinking it was just a cold, until someone pointed out that colds, even very bad ones, don’t last for several weeks.

I made an appointment with my primary care doctor in Boston. I’ve struggled finding doctors that take me seriously, like most women and non binary people I imagine, especially with chronic and challenging illnesses. This doctor listened to me, and was gentle, and that was pretty much all I could hope for. He examined me, and tested me for mono, strep, walking pneumonia (which I’d had before, and which was basically the closest comparable experience I had). I had none of them. Then we tested my thyroid, my B12 levels, and my immune functions. He found nothing wrong with me.

A digression on chronic pain, including a digression on trauma.

I had gone down a diagnostic wormhole several years ago when I’d first started getting tests to see if we could find an underlying cause for my chronic pain. It started in Iowa City, where I did my second graduate degree, and included MRIs, x-rays, testing for immunological disorders, cancers, and basically anything they could think of. Eventually I was referred to a psychologist, because they determined my pain might be a physical manifestation of trauma. And I’d had my share of trauma.

A digression on trauma. I grew up with an emotionally abusive mother who, though never diagnosed, meets all of the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder. I ran away from home as a teenager, living on the streets for most of a year, before re-establishing a relationship with my family, primarily my father who helped me get an apartment, back into school, and eventually into college. At that point my mother re-entered the picture, and my father stopped helping me pay for college, so I worked sometimes as many as 5 jobs while completing my undergraduate degree. I met my partner in undergrad, and he has been an immense help for me in recovering from my trauma, but like so many who were experienced long-term abuse as children, I probably will never be un-affected by my experiences.

So the trauma angle seemed at least plausible to me, and I went to a year’s worth of sessions with two different people, one a psychologist who specialized in and studied the manifestation of trauma as physical pain, and another who practiced CBT and meditative mindfulness therapy. Both helped immensely with my emotional state, but my pain persisted. So when I moved away for my third graduate degree (my first move to Providence) I transferred care and we started the diagnostics all over again. This time I saved all my records - I have my MRIs and my X-rays still in some box somewhere. We did CAT scans and I went to scores of specialists including an orthopedic surgeon who recommended surgery; a chiropractor who works with the Boston Ballet Company who diagnosed me as hyper-flexible and gave me strengthening exercises to do that actually seemed to help somewhat; and a neurologist who found nothing wrong with me at all. After four years of referrals and diagnostics, I found a integrative care physician who listened to me break down in her office, prescribed an anti-depressant that is also a sedative to help me fall asleep, and helped me come up with a plan to manage the pain. Massage, chiropractor, walking and stretching, the anti-depressants, 800mg Ibuprofen when I needed it, and Vicodin when nothing else helped.

After all of this, I wasn’t eager to go down another diagnostic chase.

Back to 2016.

By this point it was the middle of November. I was so sick that I couldn’t feed myself, I couldn’t do laundry, I couldn’t leave the house except for to teach, and then I spent the next 24-48 hours recovering mostly in bed from the fatigue it caused me. I was experiencing sever cognitive deficiencies, most notably my ability to process and retain information, and my ability to speak. It felt like I had dementia, or what I imagine dementia to feel like. I would read the same sentence over and over again and not understand it, or not remember it when I started the next one. I would fight to get up to go into the kitchen, only to forget what I was there for. Did I need water? Had I fed the cat? Did I need to use the bathroom? My father and brother were taking turns coming down to my house to prepare food for me for the week, and to get my groceries, and to do my laundry. I needed help with everything. I could do one, maybe two things in a given day. Those things included brushing my teeth and feeding the cat.

I couldn’t even research my condition, given my cognitive symptoms. I was angry, and many days I felt like it would be better to die. I couldn’t read or write, so I took up embroidery as a way to try to keep my life worth living, a way to keep making art.

In January, 2017 when my partner came to visit for his winter break, we went to my doctor together. I couldn’t remember the questions he wanted me to ask, and I couldn’t have remembered the answers anyway, and I certainly couldn’t get myself there and back without help, so him coming was the only way I was going to get there. I don’t remember much of the appointment, but I do remember my doctor suggested that I might be experiencing a severe prolonged depressive episode. Based on my previous diagnosis of depression. Based on the fact that there seemed to be nothing wrong with me, physically.

My partner didn’t buy it. I sort of did, or at least I didn’t have the energy to dispute it. My partner started researching, aggressively, and a few months later he came up with something. Maybe, he said, it was my copper IUD. Maybe I had copper toxicity. My doctor said that was impossible, that the IUD can’t cause copper toxicity, but my symptoms aligned, and there are thousands of women on the internet who have experienced copper poisoning from their IUD. So one day in April, my best friend took me to the hospital and I had mine removed. The next day, I felt better. Not 100% better, but maybe 40% better. The next day my partner and I went for a walk, the first time in almost a year I had felt able to do that.

I kept feeling better. Not getting better, but I stayed feeling about 40% better. A few days I felt almost entirely myself, but then the next day I would be exhausted again. I could do things, but if I pushed too hard, I would collapse and pay for it for days. I learned about spoons, and disability culture and activism. I learned about setting my limits, and prioritizing. I said no to almost everything, because almost nothing was worth the risk of incapacitation for me.

My brain started to recover too - I could read. I started writing in my journal, not poetry but at least writing of some sort. I felt hopeful that I was recovering. We bought a house, a big old Victorian that needs TLC, and I moved in there with 4 other queer artist friends. I didn’t get the tenure-track job at Brown, but I did get another adjunct offer to teach Book Arts, and I accepted - something I definitely couldn’t have done at my sickest, given that it’s a 15-hr a week studio course.

But now, a year post-removal, my memory is still a problem. And I still get exhausted a lot. A lot more than I used to, before I got sick. But the anecdotal evidence on the copper IUD detox forums says that it could take years to fully process the toxicity out of your system. The most severe days might be attributed to “dumps” - when the body releases stored copper all at once - and those days feel like my worst ones did when I was at my sickest. I had thought that when I felt better, I would start to do things again, go to poetry readings, have dinner with friends, go for walks, be part of the community I’d moved here because I loved. But I still say no to most things, or write them down in my calendar and don’t go. I know that if I push too hard, I’ll pay for it for days. And “too hard” is a moving target - it changes seemingly randomly, and I don’t know when I’m approaching it until it’s too late. Then I’m in bed for days.

I’ve been having an especially bad few days. Maybe a week. Maybe more. My memory, my brain isn’t good at sequence anymore, or keeping track of time. It’s frustrating, because I can’t keep track of my own symptoms. Sometimes I remember to write them down, and sometimes I forget, or am too tired. And there’s no one here to watch me, or help me - my partner doesn’t move here until June. Today, for example, I got up at 11 and I fed the cats. And I was so tired that I lay down, and just...passed out. I don’t remember falling back asleep, but then I woke up at 6 pm. I fed the cats again, and then had to go back to bed. The last week has been similar: do just what is necessary, then back to bed. It feels like I’m sick all over again.

I have had my period, which can be associated with copper dumps. I’m not saying it’s not copper “dumps,” or that it’s isn’t related to copper poisoning. But I watched Unrest and thought: “maybe this is what I have, too?” So many of those scenes were heartbreakingly familiar. I wept through most of it, because Jennifer was saying the things that I’d been feeling. About feeling like it was a good day when all I had done was survived it. About feeling like my life had ended, and that I had a new one now, one that sometimes didn’t feel like a life at all, but one that I still didn’t want to give up. About not being listened to, about not being believed. I wept at the thought of having a diagnosis, after all this time. Of maybe finally at least knowing what is wrong with me. Maybe.

But I don’t know how to find out. I don’t currently have health insurance, because the premium on my ACA policy from last year went up by 50% and I couldn’t afford it anymore, and adjuncts at Brown who teach fewer than 4 classes a year don’t get health insurance, and I’m only teaching 3, and I am barely able to do that; this semester teaching 2 classes took every bit of energy I had. I will get health insurance starting in September when my partner starts his new job in Providence, and maybe then I can get some answers. If I have the energy for it.

My story doesn’t have an ending yet. I’m in bed, as I have been all day. Writing this was the most writing I’ve done since I got sick. I’m grateful for that. It feels like, thanks to the work that Jennifer has done, an important story is at least starting to be told. Not just mine, but one that is shared by millions.

#chronic fatigue #chronically ill #m.e.#m.e./cfs #me/cfs #unrest #millionsmissing #iud copper toxicity #copper toxicity #spoonie #chronic illness #meaction #disability

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camsthisky · 8 years

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Writing Self-Evaluation for 2016

Writing Self-Evaluation for 2016 for @camsthisky (and my sideblog @lanceaboo)

Tagged by @seitosokusha about a month ago and I’ve been putting it off bc I know looking into last year will be a serious wake up call (I’ve written a total of 6 things since the new year and it should honestly be more)

1. Lists of works published this year:

Ricompensa [KHR]

In a moment like this [KHR]

War Torn (chs 15-23) [KHR]

An Older Brother’s Duty [One Piece]

It Takes a Blink [One Piece]

And on and on we go [One Piece]

Headphones [Voltron]

Run With Your Heart [Voltron]

Stop Telling Me Everything is Simple [Voltron]

The Point is to Understand [Voltron]

All That Matters [Voltron]

One Word Story Game [Voltron]

It’s Getting Darker But I’ll Carry On [Voltron]

Everything is Fine (Even When It’s Not) [TMNT]

Thanks For Trying [TMNT]

The Control Freak, the Narcissist, and the Liar [TMNT]

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Probably The Control Freak, the Narcissist, and the Liar. Last year (and going into this year) was a real challenge, and I feel like the Control Freak AU was reflective of how I was feeling. I also (successfully) tried out writing in present tense, and I absolutely love the way this story flows.

It’s Getting Darker But I’ll Carry On is a close second, though. I love the way the dynamics work between Lance and Keith in IGBICO, even though I’ve all but stopped writing for Voltron at this point (which sucks, but the fandom in general is killing my writing spirit).

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

Thanks for Trying or An Older Brother’s Duty are both stories that I really wish I worked harder on. The fact is, I was writing both under pressure, and neither turned out the way I had envisioned. Both are stories I’m probably going to redo within the next few years. Not now, but it’s on my to do list.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Here are two.

From The Control Freak, the Narcissist, and the Liar

The sobbing tapers off, and when Donnie looks down, Mikey’s gone still. He’s holding his breath, and Donnie’s not really sure what to make of it. As far as Donnie knows, this isn’t normal, and Donnie knows a lot.

“Mikey?” Donnie tries. “You with me?”

A shuddering nod is all Donnie gets in response, but it’s more than he was really expecting, especially with the glassy look Mikey’s got in his eyes.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“No.” Mikey’s voice is raspy, and the sound of it makes Donnie wince with sympathy. He was probably going to be feeling that for a little while.

“Okay. That’s okay,” Donnie tells him. He holds Mikey a bit tighter. “You, uh, you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to. Just- Just know that I’m here and not going anywhere.”

Mikey mutters something along the lines of “thank god” and turns his face into Donnie’s plastron. They stay like that for a long time, on the floor of Donnie’s lab, with a broken toaster sitting on his lab table waiting to be fixed.

The toaster can wait. Mikey can’t.

It’s Getting Darker But I’ll Carry On

The thing about guns were that they were loud; Lance had lucked out with his bayard. It wasn't nearly as loud as an actual sniper rifle would be, but it still made a noise that had Mullet Man wincing from where he was sitting next to him on the branch. Lance was glad they'd had time to come out here, otherwise they'd probably be hopelessly surrounded by now.

But now they could (probably) relax. Lance had blown off the zombie’s head, and that usually did the job of stopping the things from moving, so he let out his breath in a relieved huff.

“Alright, Mullet Man,” Lance laughed, shoulders actually relaxing now that the zombie couldn't get them. He turned to his companion. “Let's go find that brother of yours.”

Mullet Man raised an eyebrow. “Mullet Man?” he asked, face scrunching up in incredulity. “Seriously?”

Lance shrugged, an easy grin pulling at his lips. “Hey, I had to call you something.”

“Then call me Keith,” the guy said. “Not Mullet Man. Who are you?”

“The name’s Lance,” he said, holding out a hand, one that Keith took. “Zombie Slayer extraordinaire.”

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

Asghjhsj I always die whenever I get a comment from @maychorian, who I really look up to a s a writer, on any of my Voltron fics.

On War Torn, I’ve gotten a bunch of reviews that go something like “I just read through it ALL and I haven’t slept for like 48 hours bc I wanted to finish this so bad” and they always make my day (But even though I’m not one to talk, you guys should get more sleep). But my fav from War Torn has to be by KellyKatt19, who is just so sweet and amazing.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

I can’t remember how much I’ve shared on tumblr before, but some of my mutuals may remember the time I had to go to the emergency room, then bounce around from doctor to doctor when they couldn’t figure out how exactly to treat me, get surgery, and then spend a week and half at home recovering from an infection almost exactly a year ago (February of 2016). I was…not very cheerful, and all I did from two weeks was cry, and feel pretty sorry for myself. I could barely muster the energy to get out of bed. I looked and felt like death warmed over, and through the entire time, and for about two weeks after that, I didn’t touch a notebook, and I couldn’t bring myself to type anything. It was a disturbing feeling. No ideas were coming to my head, I was constantly frustrated with everything, I couldn’t update anything. It was a hard time. I managed to get myself out of my funk though.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

There were two things that I never thought I would do. One, write angst (and wow, I created an entire four chapters full of it so far, and it’s still going strong), and two, write Leonardo (from TMNT) in a bad light. But I did both of them in the same story.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

The one thing that I learned this year was that not everything I write is going to perfect. Also, after experimenting more with my writing style, I found one that I really, really like, so that’s a plus.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

Hopefully I can develop my writing style a bit more. I’m also hoping to get a bit better at dialogue. I suck at normal people interactions, so that’s always been a weak point for me.

10. Who was your positive influence as a writer (could be another writer or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Oh boy. Okay, well I’ve met a lot of amazing people last year. A few mutuals - @seitosokusha, @stepichu, @mithril-lace (we’ve actually been mutuals for longer than a year, I think), @lancemcgayn, @lancemcclains. I’m really lucky that I had all these wonderful people to support me, especially in my writing. Hay and Mei were awesome when it came to my insecurities about posting, and Mithril, Seito, and Steph were always there when I needed a pick me up or some advice.

The other positive influence I’ve had as a writer is probably @taizi, Without Problem Child and all the TMNT and One Piece stories, I’d definitely be a different person than I am today. All of taizi’s stories (especially PC) have made me look at the world in a different light, and I can’t express my thankfulness enough that I follow taizi, even if we don’t know each other.

Also - @omggummybear. Thank you for everything.

11. Anything from real life show up in your writing this year:

I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder last October, so I probably projected at some point.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Writing is always, always developing. Even for experienced writers. Just because you don’t think that you’re improving, doesn’t mean you aren’t. Don’t get frustrated with yourself if you can’t see your improvement. It’ll show, you’ve just got to give it time (that was a lesson I learned the hard way).

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Oh geez. I hope I can finish War Torn this year. I’ve had the ending planned for two years and I’m finally getting close. Maybe by chapter 30. Maybe.

I have some batfam ideas I want to get started on.

Other than that, I have a One Piece modern AU and an alive!Ace story that are both in the works. I don’t want to publish what I have yet since I already have so many WIPs. Hopefully sometime soon, though.

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read: @mithril-lace, @omggummybear, @dickie-gayson (You know, only if you want to).

Man. This was more introspection than I needed. This was also really long. Thanks for reading :)

#things i was tagged in #tagged memes #writing self-evaluation #camryn rambles

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gyrlversion · 5 years

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Emilia Clarke shares never-before-seen images after brain aneurysm

Emilia Clarke has released unseen photographs taken during her recovery from a life-threatening brain aneurysm in 2011, when she was just 24 years old.

The Game Of Thrones star recently told of how she suffered and survived two brain aneurysms while filming the fantasy drama, the second of which nearly killed her.

Emilia, now 32, made an appearance on CBS Sunday Morning where she recalled the dark place she went to after her surgery, and shared images from her hospital stay.

Shocking: Emilia Clarke has released unseen photographs taken during her recovery from a life-threatening brain aneurysm in 2011, when she was just 24 years old

Discussing the impact it had not just on her physical health but mental wellbeing, she revealed: ‘The first time it was difficult, with the second one I found it much harder to stay optimistic.

‘[I coped with it as a] a day to day thing. I definitely went through a period of being… down – putting it mildly.’

Emilia explained that when a part of your brain is starved of blood for more than a minute it dies, which is what happened to her after her second aneurysm.

Horrendous: The Game Of Thrones star recently told of how she suffered and survived two brain aneurysms while filming the fantasy drama, the second of which nearly killed her

Hospitalised: Emilia, now 32, made an appearance on CBS Sunday Morning where she recalled the dark place she went to after her surgery, and shared images from her hospital stay

Secret: Emilia only revealed that she had suffered two brain aneurysms last month and has now shared unseen pictures from her hospitalisation

She recalled: ‘So, they [the doctors] literally were looking at the brain and being like, ‘Well, we think it could be – could be her concentration, it could be her peripheral vision,’ she said.

‘I always say it’s my taste in men,’ she joked.

‘For a very long time, I thought it was my ability to act…that was a deep paranoia.’

Struggle: Discussing the impact it had not just on her physical health but mental wellbeing, she said ‘The first time it was difficult, the second one I found it much harder to stay optimistic’

During the interview Emilia also admitted what it was like to return to the set after her brain haemorrhage which happened after filming season one of the show.

She said that once she returned to shoot the second season she had no time to ‘question her own mortality’ because she was too busy playing a ‘bada*s character who walked through fire’.

Emilia said: ‘You go on the set, and you play a badass character, and you walk through fire, and you speak to hundreds of people, and you’re being asked to be – to work as hard as you possibly can.

‘And that became the thing that just saved me from considering my own mortality, yeah,’ she said of working on the set while dealing with her first aneurysm.

Life threatening: Emilia explained that when a part of your brain is starved of blood for more than a minute it dies, which is what happened to her after her second aneurysm

During her open later in The New Yorker, Emilia explained that she had just finished filming the first season of the HBO series when she had her first brain aneurysm while working out with a personal trainer.

Emilia was quickly sent for an MRI after the shocking event, where they diagnosed her with a subarachnoid haemorrhage.

This type of hemorrhage is a life-threatening form of stroke, which is caused by bleeding around the brain and a third of patients die immediately or soon after suffering one.

Emilia said: ‘In my worst moments, I wanted to pull the plug. I asked the medical staff to let me die. My job—my entire dream of what my life would be—centred on language, on communication. Without that, I was lost.’

Back to work: During the interview Emilia also admitted what it was like to return to the set after her brain haemorrhage which happened after filming season one of the show

While recovering from her first aneurysm she was told that she had another on the other side of her brain which could burst at any time, however it may also just lie dormant.

Before she was thrown back into filming, Emilia had to endure a press tour for the first season of the show and said she remembers feeling like she could die at any moment and made it through interviews by sipping on morphine.

After struggling through filming for season two and pushing herself to complete season three, Emilia took a role as Holly Golightly on Broadway.

While in New York, Emilia went for a one of her regular brain scans and medics discovered that it had doubled in size and wanted to operate to avoid any complications.

Despite being promised a simple operation, Emilia said she awoke screeching in agony following the failed operation and doctors had to operate again in order to improve her chance of survival.

She said while spending another month in hospital she sometimes lost hope and suffered from anxiety and panic attacks, adding that she felt like a shadow of her former self.

Legendary: Emilia returned to shoot the second season and had no time to ‘question her own mortality’ because she was too busy playing a ‘bada*s’ (pictured as Daenerys Targaryen)

The Me Before You actress said that she now struggles recalling those dark times because her mind has tried to block them out, but she does remember being convinced she would die, and that her story would get out.

A reporter asked her about her operation six weeks after the surgery, when the National Enquirer ran a small story, but Emilia was quick to deny the allegation.

However Emilia said she now feels like the time is right to speak out, and acknowledges that she is one of the fortunate few with an excellent level of care.

Control: Speaking to Stephen Colbert, Emilia revealed that she ‘knew’ her brain was being damaged while having a brain aneurysm and recited Game Of Thrones lines to stay conscious

Speaking to Stephen Colbert on The Late Show, Emilia revealed that she ‘knew’ her brain was being damaged while having a brain aneurysm and recited Game Of Thrones lines to stay conscious.

Emilia told Stephen that during the haemorrhage she did everything she could to keep her brain active, including testing her knowledge of the fictional language she uses in Game of Thrones.

She said: ‘The easy way of describing it is that it’s the worst headache that a human could possibly manage to experience. It was pretty intense.

‘I genuinely knew I was being brain damaged. I don’t know how. [I] moved my fingers, toes, my hands, asked myself questions, Dothraki lines. [I was] really trying to force my memory to stay conscious.’

Asked by the presenter how she knew to perform the exercises, she said: ‘The mind is an extraordinary thing. I just knew that I was… not today.’

When questioned about whether the life-threatening experiences changed her outlook on life, she said: ‘It made me petrified most of the time. I wish I could sit here and say I was just like, ‘Yeah, let’s go jump out of a plane!’

She added with good humour: ‘But I did do Game Of Thrones, which was similar, certain seasons’.

The London native said that ‘at some point’ she started to realise how fortunate she was and gained a new perspective, she said: ‘For the rest of your life, you know how lucky you are.’

WHAT IS A SUBARACHNOID HEMORRHAGE: THE STROKE EMILIA CLARKE NARROWLY SURVIVED ON GAME OF THRONES

A subarachnoid hemorrhage (SAH) is a type of stroke caused by bleeding in the brain.

Five to 10 percent of strokes are caused by SAH. They most typically occur in older people.

It can be caused by a head injury or a ruptured aneurysm.

A third of patients survive and recover, a third survive with disability, and a third do not survive.

CAUSES:

Aneurysm: a balloon-like bulge or weakening of an artery wall that ruptures, releasing blood into the subarachnoid space around the brain.

Arteriovenous malformation (AVM): an abnormal tangle of arteries and veins with no capillaries in between. The weakened blood vessels can rupture and bleed.

Traumatic brain injury: during the impact of an accident, the brain crashes back and forth inside the skull tearing blood vessels.

SYMPTOMS:

sudden onset of a severe headache (often described as ‘the worst headache of my life’)

nausea and vomiting

stiff neck

sensitivity to light (photophobia)

blurred or double vision

loss of consciousness

seizures

The post Emilia Clarke shares never-before-seen images after brain aneurysm appeared first on Gyrlversion.

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#Entertainment News

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kansascityhappenings · 6 years

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As Grand Canyon National Park turns 100, one man hikes the entire length to save it

https://embed-prod.vemba.io/vemba-embed.js

Pete McBride is worried about the Grand Canyon, so he decided to hike it — all of it.

A few years ago, the adventure filmmaker, photographer and writer filmed the path of the Colorado River and was amazed to see that the river doesn’t reach the ocean anymore.

The river “flooded the sea for six million years, and it stopped two decades ago,” says McBride, who has traveled to 75 countries for a host of publications and projects over 20 years.

The trip “made me shift my focus, so now I do a lot of photography around conservation, around fresh water and around public lands.”

Having hiked Mount Everest and documented nature in Antarctica, he didn’t think the Grand Canyon needed his images to survive.

“I figured the Grand Canyon was one of the most protected pieces of landscape on the planet, so it didn’t require another photographer to go photograph there.”

Learning about current threats to the canyon changed his mind.

One of the seven natural wonders

One of the seven natural wonders of the world and a UNESCO World Heritage Site, the Grand Canyon is one of the most photographed landscapes in the world.

The Grand Canyon is about five or six million years old, but rocks at the canyon bottom date back about 2 billion years. Human artifacts have been found dating back nearly 12,000 years to the Paleo-Indian period, and it’s been continuously occupied into the present day.

The land now known as Grand Canyon National Park, which celebrates its centennial anniversary in February, was first protected by the US government in 1893. When Congress resisted US President Theodore Roosevelt’s effort to make it a national park, which required Congressional approval, he protected it as a national monument in 1908, which he could do without their help. It became Grand Canyon National Park on February 26, 1919.

“In the Grand Canyon, Arizona has a natural wonder which is in kind absolutely unparalleled throughout the rest of the world,” said Roosevelt at the time. “I hope you will not have a building of any kind, not a summer cottage, a hotel or anything else, to mar the wonderful grandeur, the sublimity, the great loneliness and beauty of the canyon. Leave it as it is. You cannot improve on it.”

(Photo courtesy Erin Whittaker/National Park Service)

Given that illustrious history, McBride was surprised to hear from people working inside and around Grand Canyon National Park that the canyon faces multiple threats.

They come from increased helicopter flights, a proposed tram to the canyon floor, proposed tourist developments and possible uranium drilling. (The threat of uranium isn’t a hypothetical issue: Three buckets of uranium ore were stored at the park museum for nearly two decades, according to a park employee who went public in February. Federal officials are investigating his report.)

While some of the developers who want to make money off the park aren’t from the area, some are Native American tribes who have watched others profit for decades.

A park under threat of development

Most visitors spend only a few minutes at the South Rim, experiencing just that famous view of Grand Canyon National Park, unaware of the canyon’s role as home to ancient peoples, animals and plant life or the threats and economic pressures placed on it.

So McBride decided to hike the length of the canyon, a 750-mile journey (give or take a few miles).

There wasn’t any thru-trail for him to follow. And the hike would include an elevation gain and loss of around 100,000 vertical feet, unstable rock and temperatures fluctuating from 8 degrees to 116 degrees Fahrenheit.

“I don’t know why I got the idea to walk it,” since there’s no trail for much of the distance, he says. “I figured it’d be challenging, but I’ve done a lot in the back country and wilderness and I figured it couldn’t be that hard. And oh, how wrong I was.”

When McBride and his friend, writer Kevin Fedarko, first started planning their hike, they convinced experienced Grand Canyon hiker Rich Rudow to let them join his September 2015 hike.

It didn’t go well.

Loaded up with way too much camera gear and not prepared for the impact of the extreme heat on their bodies, the canyon made them sick and disoriented, forcing them out on their sixth day, as Fedarko later wrote in National Geographic.

The Colorado River winds its way along the West Rim of the Grand Canyon in the Hualapai Indian Reservation on January 10, 2019 near Peach Springs, Arizona. The Grand Canyon National Park is preparing to celebrate its centennial in February. (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

Back in Flagstaff, Arizona, McBride was diagnosed with hyponatremia, a heat-induced imbalance of salts and minerals, which could have killed him.

There would be no thru-hike.

In fact, McBride and Fedarko thought about quitting as they got medical attention and recovered from their first attempt. But the local hiking community and Native American conservationists convinced them to complete the trip in order to draw attention to the magnificent natural wonder.

Hiking in two-week stints

During five weeks in October, they planned a hiking trip that involved hiking the canyon in two- to three-week stints starting in November 2015 going through March 2016, often bringing more experienced Grand Canyon hikers along, traveling about 15 miles per day and 150-200 miles per trip, completing about 600 miles before summer.

They skipped hiking during the deadly hot summer months — but still photographed the park — and finished up their last two-week stint in late October of 2016.

“There’s no trail for 70 to 80 percent of it, so you have to find your way and you have to learn how to find water. You have to make sure you don’t get pinned up on a cliff, just kinda figure out how to stay alive,” McBride said. “it’s a great lesson in humility and self-sufficiency and getting back in tune with our natural world.”

He carried just one camera, a Sony A7 with a wide angle lens 16-35, to shoot the video that became “Into the Grand Canyon,” a movie airing on National Geographic and streaming on NationalGeographic.com, and the pictures that became his book, “The Grand Canyon: Between River and Rim.”

McBride went through eight pairs of shoes over 13 months, hiked through four sprained ankles, two broken fingers, that case of hyponatremia, lost two girlfriends and even threw his heart out of rhythm, requiring heart surgery.

The lessons he learned, the wisdom he gained, the humility he earned — all of that, plus a careful selection of his images, were more than enough to fill his book.

Here are some of his discoveries on the journey, in his own words and adapted from his book:

It can be viewed from space

“Despite my fatigue, I often lay awake at night: sometimes too wired and worried about finding water and sometimes too spellbound by the spray of stars above us. Kevin (Fedarko) describes this celestial sweep as a second river — one that mirrors the main Colorado below us.

An aerial picture taken on January 3, 2019, shows the Grand Canyon covered with snow in Arizona. (Photo by DANIEL SLIM/AFP/Getty Images)

“Being inside the only canyon on the planet that can be seen from space makes you feel miniscule. And when you stare skyward, you realize one of this landscape’s unspoken marvels is the clarity of its night sky — one of the few landscapes in America without a blanket of light pollution. I lose myself in the space above and the idea that Mother Nature is still queen in some parts.

“As I doze, I overhear Kevin taking audio notes (easier than writing when he is tired), remarkably 100 yards from me. It is so quiet I think he is five feet away. He describes these moments ‘below the river of stars’ as if ‘the canyon is holding us in the palm of its hand.’”

A silence so profound

“When you get beyond the roar of the river inside the canyon, the silence is so profound and so ancient that it escapes description. At times it makes my ears ring because I’m trying to listen so hard to something that isn’t there. At other times the void of noise is so profound I wonder if it belongs to another world — a world we have long forgotten.

“In the evenings or early mornings, Kevin and I can converse in relaxed, tired voices even though we are the length of a football field apart.

“The same occurs when we hike, but if a single rib of rock separates us, we can’t hear each other holler at the top of our lungs, as if, at times, our voices can’t pierce the blanket of quiet that envelops us.”

The unfiltered night sky

“The clarity of Kevin’s ‘river of stars’ is hemmed on the edges by the distant glow of Las Vegas and St. George, Utah. Otherwise, looking across the sweep of erosion, rock, and time, there is no sign of civilization before us. Of course, we do see jets blinking above, mostly headed to Los Angeles, but they die down after midnight.

“It’s so silent (that) you can be laying in the morning, and you can hear just the distant brush of the bat wings as they’re going out and looking for bugs, and you could hear the little clatter of sheep hooves on a rock layer that might be 1,000 feet below you.

“We just don’t have a silence that’s that deep … it made me realize just how magical that is and what a noisy world we live in.

“I think that was part of the magic where it changed me to a degree, and I now am very aware of noise and silence. It’s not silence without sounds. It’s a silence without the chaotic noise of human sounds. It’s a silence layered with these rich wildlife sounds that we’ve forgotten or our senses are not used to hearing.”

You, too, can go deeper into the canyon

While many visitors only visit the South Rim or take a short (and noisy) helicopter ride to view the canyon, McBride says there’s a better way to appreciate this magnificent national park without risking one’s life on a year-long adventure.

Pack a hat, good hiking shoes and lots of water and choose to spend the day at the canyon beyond a few minutes at the South Rim. “Experience it away from vehicles. You can do that in a variety of ways.”

A general view of the South Rim of the Grand Canyon in Grand Canyon National Park, Arizona, on February 13, 2017. (RHONA WISE/AFP/Getty Images)

Visitors can hike into the canyon, just remembering that the hike back up is twice as hard. Visitors can also ride a mule down into the canyon and back up, or ride one way and hike the other way.

Bicycle lovers can rent bicycles and ride the bike path along the South Rim or mountain bike on the trail on the North Rim (open seasonally). Guests using wheelchairs will find some wheelchair-accessible trails, including the Trail of Time and parts of the Rim Trail.

Hardier types can hike two-thirds of the way into the canyon (with all of your gear) and camp at Indian Garden Campground, where there is drinking water. There are also rafting trips for every skill level.

Listen to the sounds

If you take some time to listen to the sounds of the canyon, quietly, McBride says it may change you.

“The silence of this natural wonder starkly contrasts with the noise we make everywhere else, even as the canyon invites us to carry some of that silence within ourselves as we return to the world beyond the rims,” writes McBride.

“As I wonder if any of my images have captured that, I find myself pondering an even deeper question: Is it possible that this journey by foot, along with the photographic record that it has yielded, might help illuminate and underscore what we all share — as well as what we all risk losing — if we fail to protect this vast abyss by foregoing the urge to transform its beauty into cash and simply leaving it as it is?

“While the answer to that question is for others to decide, I do know one thing. After spending so many months drenched in the silence and magic of the seventh natural wonder of the world, I know there is only one place that looks and sounds like this.”

from FOX 4 Kansas City WDAF-TV | News, Weather, Sports https://fox4kc.com/2019/02/25/as-grand-canyon-national-park-turns-100-one-man-hikes-the-entire-length-to-save-it/

from Kansas City Happenings https://kansascityhappenings.wordpress.com/2019/02/26/as-grand-canyon-national-park-turns-100-one-man-hikes-the-entire-length-to-save-it/

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likestoimagine16 · 6 years

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Raskovnik AU, aka my hanahaki-spite AU

So I’ve been sitting on this Yuri on Ice AU for something like 2 years by this point, and I’m probably not going to be finishing it, so here’s the (very long) run-down

(the reason it’s called hanahaki-spite is because I really do not like hanahaki. If you like hanahaki AU, that’s entirely your prerogative and you’re free to do as you like, but I’m not sure how much you’ll appreciate this one

The disease:

First off, the reason why it’s called Raskovnik is because of this cryptid plant, which is based on an aquatic fern. Supposedly, it unlocks/uncovers whatever is locked/closed, but can only be identified by chthonic animals in Slavic tradition (eg tortoises, snakes, or hedgehogs)

The disease is NOT based off unrequited love, because that honestly skeeves me out for a number of reasons, including but not limited to the idea that ‘unrequited love’ is enough to disease someone and the fact that the ‘cure’ is kind of sketchy in regards to the fact that the target of the unrequited feelings has apparently has to reciprocate them or they’re implicitly responsible for the victim’s death in-universe

Oh yeah, the disease doesn’t kill you unless you let it grow way too long and the surgery to remove the plants, while causing a minor depressive episode, does not ‘surgically remove the feeling of love’ for anyone, because love really shouldn’t be something that easy to excise from a person

Basically, what happens with the disease is this aquatic fern thing (a red four-leaf clover type thing with heart-shaped leaves, in this 'verse) grows in some people’s lungs if certain conditions are met. It’s not very well understood in-universe, but there’s lots of (scientific and popular) speculation, which is where the idea of ‘unrequited love’ being the cause comes from

‘hanahaki’ is the popular general term for the disease, and most scientists/doctors hate it because it’s generally associated with the ‘romanticized’ version of the disease with the unrequited love and the cure being the confession and the surgery removing love along with the plant nonsense - similar to how tuberculosis was romanticized for making ladies ‘pale and faint’ like it wasn’t a frickin disease

The actual conditions are that 1) you’re genetically susceptible (usually associated with ‘green thumb’ types of people who are really good at talking to plants and helping them grow, 2) you’re trying to ‘box’ your relationships in some way that simplifies or generalizes what love is, and 3) you’ve encountered the Raskovnik spore at some point, so it’s like... actually in your lungs

Basically, the idea is that people produce some kind of particle in their lungs (I don’t have a name for them, so they’re just ‘love particles for now I guess) that’s good for plant growth, and it tends to be produced more when you’re like, lovingly talking to plants or just loving in general (kind of like oxytocin but not really)

Normally the love particle is kind of just made and released as produced, but people who end up metaphorically locking their love away subsequently lock these particles in their lungs - this creates a buildup of the particles in your lungs that Raskovnik then grows off of it

When you’ve resolved your love-boxing issues, the Raskovnik has done its job and ‘unlocked’ your heart, so the particles are exhaled as normal and the plant eventually dies out

The reason why the surgery creates a depressive episode is because it’s not very precise, so taking the Raskovnik roots out of the heart can damage the nodes that produce the love particles - they recover eventually, but until then your body’s kind of just not happy with the imbalance that causes

(If you want a brief snapshot of ‘hanahaki’s’ impression on society, here you go: Viktor reads as far as “her breath is perfumed with the scent of wild roses as she confesses, ‘I hate Valentine's day because it reminds me of my incurable disease and the curse I must suffer,” before he throws his cheap airport romance at the wall.)

Anyways, the actual Yuri on Ice plot

So it starts with the banquet, because duh

But really, when I say ‘start’ I mean, this is the very beginning, because Viktor’s been feeling that ice-skating burnout for a while, so he’s been a little too grey to really remember what it was like to love ice skating. He knows he used to love it, and he knows that he used to remember what love was, but nowadays it's really hard to care

Then the banquet happens, and everything’s champagne-gold bright and warm, because Viktor gets to dance with one Yuuri Katsuki and he feels a bit more alive

Except after that, he’s got radio silence from Yuuri, so he figures it was kind of a one-time thing

He doesn’t actually have the disease at this point, but this is where it starts. This is where his personal fondness for Yuuri starts at least, beyond his professional fascination for his artistry and emotive skating, and this is where he manages to find hope, even despite the radio silence

at this point, the love particle build-up is pretty slight, and he doesn’t actually have the spores in his lung, so there’s a groundwork for it, but no disease

Anyways, that kind of liminal state lasts about as long as it takes for Stammi Vicino a la Yuuri to happen, because well. Canon happens.

Viktor arrives full tilt in Hasetsu and, under the impression that Yuuri actually remembers the banquet, is concerned about Yuuri’s... less than ecstatic response to his arrival

so he figures okay this wasn’t as magical as he’d been hoping, but it’s still better than the utter gray that he was feeling before, and he really does want to help Yuuri reach his full potential.

besides, even if it’s not shaping up to be a fairytale, he’s still thankful that Yuuri gave him that spark anyways, so he can still do this to show his appreciation anyways

so that’s not the problem, the actual problem is when Viktor figures that, since Yuuri’s not really happy with Viktor, he’s going to figure out which version Yuuri would be happiest with and do that

... it doesn’t really mesh well with the ‘don’t box in love’ type of thing for the disease, though to be fair no one really knows that’s an actual condition by this point

Yeah this is when the disease really takes root, both because he’s now fueling the disease a lot more actively with his mentality and because he has the actual spore in his lungs

Viktor tries to hide this. Considering that he’s periodically coughing up Raskovnik leaves and his lung capacity is shrinking, he doesn't hide it very well. He manages something like a week at most

No one in the family buys into the popular ‘unrequieted love’ explanation for Raskovnik, because they know better

Yuuri, in particular, has listened to many of Phichit’s rants about how dumb it is to romanticize a poorly understood disease, because he was there for all the research Phichit had to do for one of his class assignments

Anyways, that goes on for the like, week or so it takes for Yurio to arrive and kick off the whole Onsen on Ice thing

At which point Yuuri’s adorable ‘I want to eat Katsudon with you’ thing happens - it doesn’t quite spark a realization in Viktor, but it’s one of the first steps for him changing his perspective on things

Anyways, the general thing with Onsen on Ice is mostly little bonding snapshots. Yuuri’s... not exactly open but he’s not jumping, screeching, and finding the nearest dark place to hide anymore, while Yurio is kind of failing to aggressively dislike the Katsukis in general, and Yuuri in particular (he follows Yuuri around like the world’s most belligerent kitten, but he’s also very clearly growing attached to everyone). Viktor is getting along well but somewhat tentatively with the other Katsuki’s, considering he’s in a bit of a weird guest-but-also-not-really phase with them

The beach thing from the ending happens - Mari finds some old sprinklers from last summer in storage, and she suggests Yuuri can take the Russians out to the beach and show them how they work (“Yuuri,” Mari says, “they’re Russian they can probably handle a little Japan spring chill”)

Anyways, Onsen on Ice happens and Yuuri wins, so after they eat katsudon in celebration Viktor gives Yuuri the weekend (Fri, Sat, Sun) off

which means less ‘no work’ and more ‘you don’t need to wake up at 6 for warmups anymore, we can keep a lighter schedule and start whenever you wake up’

Yeah, so Yuuri’s been pretty good about waking up at 6 for warmups (or at least about staying up once he’s gotten moving), so Viktor doesn’t actually realize that Yuuri’s a night owl until he gets worried two days later and Yuuri’s still not awake at 10 AM

Viktor’s a morning person

Anyways, this and other little things helps Viktor to see more of Yuuri-the-person rather than Yuuri-the-banquet-dancer. This is important because it helps him to realize (much later) that like... you don’t have to be an idealized version of yourself to be loved. Even if that’s kind of what skating fandom has pushed at Viktor, he’s kind of seeing otherwise - he sees Yuuri as less of his idealized image and falls more in love, and eventually realizes that it probably works the other way around, too

Which leads to the beach talk in episode 4, where Viktor starts chucking different masks at Yuuri and asking which one he wants, and Yuuri says he just wants Viktor to be Viktor

He’s not sure why his heart flutters at Yuuri’s declaration, but it does. It takes Viktor a little while to figure out that he also wants to know who ‘just Viktor’ is

This is the major turning point for Viktor. Yes, we’re not even halfway through the season. Yes this is still the major turning point because this is where Viktor stops using his masks

Not to say he’s cured at this point, because he still has other things he needs to work through, but like this is the peak of the Raskovnik growth - it’s only going to get smaller from here, though there’s some confusion as to why it never quite dies out (that happens shortly after the GPF)

Most of the time between here and the GPF is for like, small things that highlight the slow burn, fall-deeper-in-love YoI goodness, but one of the more relevant things is Viktor starts helping out with the plants in the hot spring

Most relevant are the cherry blossom trees, cuz like... they’re beautiful, but they don’t bloom that long. Normally. Basically, Viktor talks to the tree as he tends to it, mentions offhand that he’d like to see the cherry blossoms again but he’s not sure he’ll still be there by next year, and boom. Cherry blossoms everywhere. In something like the middle of summer. This is because of Viktor’s ‘green thumb’ thing, which subsequently makes him susceptible to the disease

I also imagine that, either after the beach or after the Cup of China, Viktor and Yuuri start sleeping in the same bed at night (and I do mean actual sleeping, though I suppose if you wanted to do otherwise that’d be up to you)

You know the airport scene? It’s beautiful, it’s romantic, Yuuri asks Viktor to coach him until he retires and Viktor says he wishes Yuuri would never retire? Yeah, this is build up to the climax

Because it is exactly everything I described, but also like. Viktor’s been getting better about the *Edna mode voice* ‘no masks’ thing, but that doesn’t mean he’s really completely resolved it. Understandable, considering it’s something like a half a year unlearning that compared to something like ten years of consistently wearing masks for the public and being isolated from even your peers in private, but not great for the disease that feeds off it

So here’s where Viktor accidentally solidifies the thought that he’d be willing to give up everything for Yuuri - even himself. If being Viktor-the-coach is what Yuuri needs, then that’s who he’ll be

This isn’t actually a conscious decision, or like, a rational one, but well. People aren’t always rational, and as they’re nearing the end of the skating year, things are looking a little more muddled. Viktor would like to stay with Yuuri for the rest of his life, but that’s not a certainty like coaching is, and Viktor’s not really used to not having a plan

that being said, I do think Viktor’s a lot more confident in their future together than Yuuri is, because Viktor doesn’t have Yuuri’s anxiety brain - in my mind, Viktor’s natural fears for the future are kind of colliding with Yuuri’s unease (which Viktor isn’t consciously aware of, but is still picking up on)

honestly if you have a better idea

Anyways, while that’s kind of percolating in the background, episode 10 happens, with all proposals and banquet revelations that entail. Also Viktor accidentally spiking Yuuri’s anxiety with the whole “we'll get married once he wins gold” because like, Viktor meant for it to be something along the lines of ‘I have complete faith in Yuuri’s skill and ability to win’ and uh. Yuuri heard differently.

So Viktor’s talk with Yurio goes here, including the bit of his internal monologue of “If I’d stayed in Russia, Yurio wouldn’t be as motivated and neither would I”, because it’s still very indicative of how he’s grown - his potentially backsliding on some of those lessons doesn’t mean he didn’t learn, and it doesn’t mean he can’t pull himself back up.

Anyways the GPF short program happens, and Yuuri trips up because he’s unbalanced - he can’t get in the right mindset for his skate, though he’s skilled enough with it that he still does really well - Viktor notes this, but he doesn’t connect it to his whole ‘we’ll get married once he gets gold’ thing until their confrontation that night.

Also relevant, Viktor’s looking at all these skaters and remembering what he loved so much about competing, and about making his own programs. He’s not thinking about it at this point, but this is what Yuuri sees when he thinks Viktor wants to go back

"Let's end this” happens because of Yuuri’s anxiety brain

Viktor’s all sorts of distressed about this, but one of the biggest things is just... what did Yuuri see that convinced him Viktor wanted to go back? Was there something he missed that Yuuri had seen?

He loves coaching Yuuri, but he loved skating first. Seeing everyone skate so passionately made him remember that viscerally, so that new revelation along with Yuuri’s insistence on not stealing him away from the skating he loves makes him doubt himself

Look, Viktor barely even knows himself as it is, after ten years of putting on one mask after another - maybe Yuuri really does know him better, he was already the one who told Viktor there was a person to be loved under all the masks (he doesn’t, but also anxiety brain)

Anyways, Viktor and Yuuri end that talk on a... tense note, but with a promise that they’ll both think independently on what they want personally, rather than what they think would work best for their fairly young relationship

The free skate happens, in all it’s beautiful glory, and Viktor realizes what Yuuri wants - Yuuri’s always been a beautiful skater, but he’s been mired down by his doubts and anxieties. This skate is quite literally the best he’s ever done, and Viktor knows Yuuri well enough to know that Yuuri wants to be even better. He hasn’t reached his zenith yet, but he still has the drive to improve, and enough determination that Viktor won’t have to sacrifice his dreams to help Yuuri with his goal

also YUURI WINS GOLD which isn’t so much a Raskovnik thing as it is me still being slightly salty about the ending thing

I’m just saying Yuuri deserved gold and also it would have fit the narrative journey better

(The matter of his dream is a different story)

Okay, here I have two potential endings, depending on how I’m feeling about Yuuri getting the wrong medal in canon

The first one is further from canon, in that Viktor decides wholesale that he doesn’t want to skate competitively. He remembers why he loved it because of the passion everyone (and especially Yuuri) showed, but it's in a nostalgic way. It’s not what he wants anymore, but it’s good to know that he wasn’t imagining it when he thought he used to love skating competitively

The other one is actually my saltier one, because like... you didn’t actually need to steal Yuuri’s gold to have Viktor skating in the next season. Specifically, this ties into the fact that Viktor ended his last season with gold shackles clamped around his throat

it’s... it’s not really the high note that one might want to end a competitive season

It’s also going to be how he ends his career if he doesn’t choose to skate next year

considering that Viktor’s recently recaptured his love for competitive skating, and considering the fact that he only really has this year to try it, he’d like to end on an emotional high note, regardless of how he scores, so he chooses to skate next season as well

Considering how much he’s learned from Yuuri and how much Yuuri’s learned from him, they can both kind of teach each other while also training under Yakov, assuming that doesn’t cause problems

I have to admit, I’m not too clear on skating regulations, except that it seems like there’d be issues regarding the idea of having a competitor also coaching as a massive conflict of interest

In any case, the season basically finishes with Viktor being cured of the disease, since he finally figured out the balance of loving Yuuri without sacrificing himself (and like, there’s nothing wrong with sacrifices for the one you love, but they very much shouldn’t be because you think you’re worth less, or because you don’t value your own joy and happiness)

it takes a few days for the plant to well and truly starve, at which point it dies and Viktor ends up hacking up a bunch of roots along with the Raskovnik ‘petals’

It’s not exactly romantic, but its also the end of the disease, at a very convenient timing because Viktor’s lost a fair amount of lung capacity from it, he’s going to need to train himself back up for the next season (NOT for Worlds, that’s way too soon)

Additional notes

As mentioned before, Phichit has done quite a bit of research and gone on quite a few angry rants about “hanahaki, as it’s wrongly called” - Yuuri ends up introducing him to Phichit through video chat so they can talk about things

I was debating whether or not to have Viktor journaling in the meanwhile, to track his mental state and the state of the disease. If he did the journals, they could be good case study material for in-universe scientists studying Raskovnik, but it might also be extraneous to the story, so who knows

The fact that Yuuri rightfully wins gold means that Yurio doesn’t, which I honestly think fits better for his arc as well - part of the problem for the show is that he’s very much trying to fill in Viktors (and Yuuri’s) skates, and he’s being pushed to skate ‘beautifully’ when it goes against a lot of his nature

that’s not to say he doesn’t like being beautiful, but Yurio is fierce and passionate more than he is beautiful, and that’s the way he likes it (side note, I tend to headcanon Yurio’s theme for the season as ‘passion’ or something similar, due to the juxtaposition of the holy passion of his SP and the firey energy of his FS

Anyways Yurio pushes himself too far, as was foreshadowed for the entire season, and tires out too much to skate his FS perfectly

He still does really well, though, because he managed to skate the way he wanted, in his determination to convince Yuuri to stay (it’s not exactly a game-changer, because he was already going to, but it’s very encouraging for Yuuri nonetheless)

His skate is fiery and elegant and fierce in a way that it hadn’t been before, at least until he tired out - it contrasts pretty distinctly with Vitkor’s skating, which tends more for a more smooth, serene type of elegance, which Viktor and Yuuri both bring up at separate points

This ends up being why Yurio changes up his exhibition - he’s been kind of thinking about this for a while, but he never got the chance to perform as he wanted and well. He’s impatient, so he’s going to take that chance now

And that’s how he ends up mixing brainchild skate ideas with Otabek’s music and their combined teenage fashion skills to make Welcome to the Madness

Despite the fact that Yuuri did, in fact, win gold, the wedding needs to be postponed because the entirety of Hasetsu might actually try to murder them if they’re not at least involved.

also, planning a proper wedding at the same time as multiple skate programs (three to six, depending on your ending of choice) and also a good amount of coaching seems like a really bad idea

So anyway, this entire mess of an AU is brought to you by my brain rebelling against one too many hanahaki AUs, with Yuri on Ice ending up as the inadvertent victim. I have a few things written for this, but not near enough to post in any really coherent form, so I figured I’d release the thing to the wild in this way instead

(If anyone wants to do anything with this, I’d just like credit and a link so I can see your stuff. If you want to use the idea for anything outside of Yuri on Ice, that’s perfectly fine, too)

#yuri on ice #raskovnik AU #long post #VERY long post #because I apparently have a lot to say about hanahaki au in general but especially in regards to Yuri on Ice #also #rough count #but I made it through 87 out of the 100 points tumblr's apparently allowing now #and only a few of those points are for dramatic formatting

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copyseat0 · 6 years

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Urgent Infection Alert for Pet Owners

Unless you've been living on the moon, you've heard of MRSA — methicillin-resistant staphylococcus aureus. Staphylococcus aureus is a strain of bacteria naturally found in most animals, including humans. In your dog or cat, staph is naturally occurring bacteria on the skin, in mucous membranes, and in the gastrointestinal (GI) tract.

Occasionally, pets become infected by their own flora. These are typically relatively mild infections that are easily treated. But when a pet's normal flora develops resistance to antibiotics, things can get very dicey. When bacteria mutate and become resistant to even very powerful antibiotics, including methicillin, it can cause serious illness and even death in pets.

Over the last decade, the incidence of methicillin-resistant bacterial infections in people has decreased thanks to more responsible use of antibiotics in human medicine. One major contributor to the decrease is that fewer doctors are prescribing antibiotics for viral infections, which don't respond to them.

Currently, about a quarter of staphylococcus aureus infections in humans are methicillin-resistant. This is a decrease of about 50 percent in recent years, but still affects more than 80,000 people per year.1

Antibiotic-Resistant Infections in Pets Are Increasing at an Alarming Rate

So the good news is cases of MRSA in the human population in the U.S. are down. The bad news? Nationally, rates of antibiotic-resistant infections in companion animals are rising at an alarming rate.2 Almost every day, Dr. Jason Pieper, a veterinary dermatologist and veterinary clinical medicine professor at the University of Illinois College of Veterinary Medicine, sees antibiotic-resistant bacterial infections in cats, dogs and other pets.

One bacterial strain he's seeing a lot of is methicillin-resistant staphylococcus pseudintermedius (MSRP), which is found on the skin of dogs and cats. (S. aureus tends to live on humans and infect humans, while S. pseudintermedius tends to live on and infect dogs and cats.)

He's also seeing pseudomonas ear infections, as well as antibiotic-resistant strains of E. coli, enterococcus species and salmonella in pets' GI and urinary tracts. Sometimes these bacteria cause infections; in other cases, they don't.

According to Pieper, since 1999 when methicillin-resistant staphylococcus was first identified, it has increased in significance across the globe, with a reported prevalence in animals of up to 48 percent in China, 40 percent in North America, 20 percent in Europe and 12 percent in Australia.

Veterinarians Continue to Over-Prescribe Antibiotics

Pieper was asked by the Life Sciences Editor of the University of Illinois News Bureau what he thinks is contributing to the problem of antibiotic-resistant infections in pets.

"I think a big problem is people giving antibiotics to animals when it's not indicated, when it's not necessary," he replied. "If your patient is going into surgery and there's a huge risk, then it's prudent to give antibiotics. But in other circumstances, it's better not to."

Pieper explains that unless there's already a diagnosed infection, he never starts antibiotics at the same time he takes a skin biopsy. "I have yet to have a biopsy site come back infected," he says. "I think a lot of people who take biopsies always give antibiotics, no matter what. Those practices need to change, to decrease the chance of resistance."

Research shows that giving animals antibiotics for only a week or two can produce antibiotic resistance, and most antibiotic prescriptions for dogs and cats are for a minimum of 21 days.

"The other issue is that veterinarians are giving their patients more powerful antibiotics than are appropriate," Pieper continues. "Some of the more potent or broader-spectrum antibiotics induce mutations in the bacteria that spur resistance and cause more problems."

There Are Significant Risks Involved in Treating Antibiotic-Resistant Infections

Pieper sometimes must treat antibiotic-resistant infections in pets with what he calls "big gun" (highly potent) antibiotics that have the potential to damage the kidneys and liver. He cites an example of a patient undergoing treatment for liver problems created by a powerful antibiotic that was necessary because the dog's infection wasn't responsive to other treatments, including antibiotics.

Before administering the antibiotic that damaged the dog's liver, Pieper did his due diligence by performing a culture and sensitivity test to determine which antibiotic would be most effective.

"A different approach," explains Pieper, "is to use extremely aggressive topical antiseptics that are applied during bathing or as sprays, mousses or creams. These have to be applied to the affected areas up to two or three times a day, and sometimes help clear up infections without having to resort to using antibiotics."

The Importance of Culture and Sensitivity Testing

Pieper believes the veterinary community needs to take a lesson from human medicine and start practicing responsible use of antibiotics. Skin inflammation in pets should be tested first to determine whether antibiotics are needed.

"I see way too many cases where such tests are not performed and the doctors give out antibiotics no matter what," says Pieper. "This is perpetuating the problem."

As a pet parent and your animal companion's primary advocate, you also need to get involved. Insist that your veterinarian confirm the presence of a bacterial infection with culture and sensitivity testing before accepting a prescription for antibiotics. A culture and sensitivity test gives your vet two very important pieces of information: It identifies the precise organism causing the infection, and also the drug most likely to kill it.

A culture is simply a sample taken from the infected area. It can be a bit of urine, feces, infected tissue or earwax. The sample is incubated and regularly checked for organism growth. As colonies of organisms form, each is tested to identify the type of bacteria, fungi or yeast.

The sensitivity portion of the test involves placing minute amounts of different antibiotics on the organisms to see which drugs the bacteria are most sensitive (responsive) to. Treatment decisions must also involve selecting an antibiotic that can be administered (by injection, orally or topically) for optimum result in the specific area of the body where the infection is located.

A culture and sensitivity test takes a few extra days, so it's important to understand and accept that you'll be leaving the veterinary clinic without a definitive diagnosis or a prescription. But the additional time it takes to identify the bacteria and the drug it best responds to will allow precise treatment of your pet's infection rather than a hit-or-miss approach.

As is clear from the rapidly rising rates of antibiotic-resistant infections in pets, that hit-or-miss approach has created a dangerous and potentially deadly situation for our animal companions that must be addressed.

Additional Recommendations for Pet Parents

Remember: Viral and fungal infections do not respond to antibiotics. Prescribing antibiotics to treat a viral infection is a classic example of indiscriminate use of the drug, and it still happens all the time in veterinary medicine. Don't let it happen to your pet!

Giving the proper dose of antibiotic at the proper intervals and using the entire prescription is extremely important, even if your pet seems to be fully recovered before the medication has run out. Finishing the prescription will ensure the infection is totally resolved and prevent your pet from having to take another full course of antibiotics because the first course wasn't fully administered, and the infection wasn't cleared.

Make sure to provide your dog or cat with a high-quality pet probiotic during and after antibiotic therapy. Giving a probiotic will reseed the gut with the appropriate healthy bacteria your furry family member needs for a strong and balanced immune system.

Work with an integrative veterinarian who has experience using natural substances to help reduce bacterial growth, including oregano oil, propolis and olive leaf extract. I also use essential oils, colloidal silver, Manuka honey and Pavia cream to naturally treat MRSA and other types of skin infections.

Source: https://healthypets.mercola.com/sites/healthypets/archive/2018/10/26/antibiotic-resistant-infections-in-pets.aspx

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thegloober · 6 years

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Another Lost Season for Greg Bird [2018 Season Review]

Thoughts following Didi Gregorius’ Tommy John surgery

The 2018 season ended far earlier than we all would’ve liked. Now that the season is over, it’s time to begin our annual season review series, which kicks off today with Greg Bird. Aside from post a day Monday through Friday, there is no set schedule for these posts. We’ll write about players when we feel like writing about them, so each day’s review post will be a surprise (even to us!).

(Adam Hunger/Getty)

This was supposed to be the year. The year Greg Bird finally stayed healthy and took over as the Yankees’ first baseman of the present and future. Injuries sabotaged him in 2016 (shoulder surgery) and 2017 (ankle surgery), though we did get a reminder of what Bird is capable of last October, when he hit .244/.426/.512 (151 wRC+) with three home runs and 12 walks in 13 postseason games.

Who can forget Bird’s home run against Andrew Miller in ALDS Game Three last year? Aside from Didi Gregorius’ three-run home run in the Wild Card Game, the Yankees didn’t have a bigger hit all season.

? Bird’s postseason performance combined with the perpetual hope that This Is The Year Greg Bird Stays Healthy had everyone excited coming into this season. I’m not the biggest Greg Bird fan out there but he has Yankee Stadium friendly pull power plus military style plate discipline. The Yankees didn’t need him to be their best (or second best, or third best, or even fourth best) hitter. He was expected to be a strong complementary piece.

Instead, for the third straight season, we were left disappointed. First it was another injury, then it was poor performance. Bird hit .199/.286/.386 (81 wRC+) with eleven home runs in (a career high!) 311 big league plate appearances in 2018. Not only did Luke Voit steal away the first base job in August, Bird didn’t even get a spot on the postseason roster. The Yankees carried six bench players on the Wild Card Game roster. Bird was not one of them. He wasn’t on the ALDS roster either. His potential to poke a ball into the short porch was deemed not necessary. Ouch.

Unfortunately, this year’s Greg Bird season review is like the last two. He was hurt, he didn’t live up to expectations, and we’re left wondering what the future holds. And, moreso than at any point before, it seems Bird may no longer be in the Yankees’ long-term plans. They love the guy, they’ve made it clear these last few years, but things don’t always play out as hoped. Let’s look back at Bird’s season.

Another Year, Another Injury

Bird did not even make it out of Spring Training healthy. He finished last season and the postseason healthy, had his first normal offseason in several years, and then his ankle started acting up again. Bird was held out of a Grapefruit League game on March 24th with inflammation in his right foot and sent to see a specialist. Two days later, the Yankees announced he needed surgery to remove a bone spur. The recovery time: 6-8 weeks.

“He was really emotional the other day when he came out, when he was dealing with the pain. Because he knows, obviously, he hasn’t gotten to put it together yet,” said Aaron Boone after the surgery was announced. “And he understands in his mind what kind of player he is and what he thinks he can be. So there were a couple days of some real frustration: ‘What’s going on? What’s the problem?’ … (He) got some closure and feels like this could be the answer to the problem, even though it’s going to cost him some weeks on the front end of the season.”

The initial injury was fairly concerning because Bird had surgery on the ankle last year and there was no play that caused the new injury. He played a full nine-inning game at first base and had discomfort the next day. Those non-contact injuries are always the worst. The Yankees sent him for tests, which revealed the bone spur. A quick recap of Bird’s surgeries:

2016: Missed entire season with right shoulder injury.

2017: Missed three and a half months with right ankle surgery.

2018: Missed roughly two months with right ankle surgery.

Bird had his surgery and was shut down six weeks before beginning a minor league rehab assignment. I remember being pretty stoked that he returned to game action on the low end of that 6-8 week rehab time frame. Bird hit .205/.367/.436 (132 wRC+) with three home runs in his 12 rehab games and rejoined the Yankees on May 26th, two months to the day after it was announced he needed surgery.

All things considered, Bird’s injury and rehab went about as well as everyone could’ve hoped. The injury was unfortunate and the fact he needed surgery stunk, but Bird completed his rehab in six weeks and showed power and patience during his rehab assignment, and that was encouraging. I naively thought the ankle surgery would only be a bump in the road and not a season-derailer. Bottom line though, two surgeries on the same ankle within 12 months is bad news.

A Troubling Decline in Contact Quality

To Bird’s credit, he initially played well after returning from the disabled list. He went 7-for-28 (.280) with two doubles and two homers in his first six games back, and he also had a two-homer game against the Red Sox on June 29th. During his best stretch of the season, from June 29th to July 29th, Bird hit .286/.357/.548 (138 wRC+) with six home runs in 23 games. Who knew? It happened though.

Once the calendar flipped to August, Bird’s production cratered. He hit .135/.210/.260 (26 wRC+) the rest of the season and lost his first base job to Voit. The nosedive in graph form:

Bird started only three games in September — one of those three was the meaningless Game 161 after the Yankees clinched homefield advantage in the Wild Card Game — and appeared in only seven of the team’s final 27 regular season games. He was healthy. He just stunk and didn’t deserve a lineup spot. “It’s frustrating. It sucks to suck,” he said in August.

“Performance matters. The matchups matter,” said Boone late in the season when asked about Bird being mostly glued to the bench. “(I’m) trying to keep both guys relevant and put both guys in positions to succeed as best we can. But I would say it’s a fluid situation … If we can get (Bird) going in the right direction, I’m positive he can not only help us down the stretch, but, hopefully, if we get into the playoffs.”

Watch enough baseball and you’re bound to see a talented player struggle for a long stretch of time. Everyone falls into a rut now and then, you know? Bird’s slump was beyond a normal baseball slump, however. He was struggling and he looked terrible while doing it. This wasn’t one of those “eventually one of these hard-hit balls will fall in” slumps, you know? I keep going back to this GIF:

That is a middle-middle 90 mph fastball and Bird swung through it like it was 99 mph. He could not catch up to fastballs all season. Bird hit .175 with a .174 ISO against fastballs this season (.278 wOBA and .319 xwOBA). That is horrible. The league averages are .269 and .175 (.344 and .344), respectively. Bird couldn’t handle even bad fastballs, opponents noticed, so they kept throwing him fastballs. MLB is unforgiving. Show a weakness and it will be attacked.

When he first broke into the big leagues, Bird was touted for his ability to hit the ball hard and get the ball in the air. He was a launch angle guy before launch angle was cool. The sample sizes are not big because of the injuries, but Bird’s ability to drive the ball in the air is trending in the wrong direction:

Average Exit Velocity 2015: 93.0 mph 2016: Injured 2017: 89.7 mph 2018: 86.9 mph

Average Launch Angle 2015: 21.3° 2016: Injured 2017: 20.2° 2018: 18.9°

I should note that an 18.9° average exit velocity is pretty good. You want to average somewhere in the 10° to 25° range, the closer to 25° the better. Below 10° means too many grounders and above 25° means more fly balls and pop-ups than line drives. Bird is still in that ideal range, but his launch angle is trickling down, and his exit velocity is way down. He simply did not hit the ball hard this past season.

Remember Allen Craig? Craig put up a .312/.364/.500 (139 wRC+) batting line in nearly 1,300 plate appearances from 2011-13, then he suffered an ankle injury in 2014 and was just done. Like done done. Hasn’t played in the big league since 2015 and didn’t even hit in Triple-A pitching from 2015-17. Craig lost that explosiveness in his lower half after the injury and just couldn’t hit any more. He didn’t have a good base underneath him. His swing was all arms. I worry about that with Bird.

“I think he’s over it and past it, but I think there’s a level of building up that stamina and explosion and the fact that you’re still recovering from a surgery,” said Boone about Bird a few weeks ago. “I don’t think there’s any question that if he can stay healthy, a month from now, six months from now, it’s better, it’s more explosive. That’s something that we kind of monitor, talk about and hopefully he can get through this while building up that stamina that makes him special when he’s really on time and impacting the ball.”

Bird has now had three surgeries in the last three years on two important body parts. His right shoulder had to be rebuild and his right ankle had to be repaired twice. That’s his front shoulder and front ankle when hitting. That’s the power shoulder and the weight transfer ankle. Pretty important! It’s not like he tore a finger ligament or pulled a hamstring. These have been some very serious injuries.

We’ve seen Bird be an impact hitter. For very short stretches of time, but we’ve seen it. The natural talent is there and it’s not like he’s an older player. He turns 26 in November. He should be in his prime or just about to enter it. Can Bird still be an impact hitter, physically? Or have the shoulder and ankle trouble compromised him too much? I hope that’s not the case, but it might be.

What’s Next?

The Yankees went into the 2017 and 2018 seasons counting on Bird to be the man at first base. It was his job and he never even had to compete for it. That is not the case now. During his end-of-season press conference last week Boone was quick to note Voit had won the first base job and that, at best, Bird would get a chance to compete for it in Spring Training next year.

“(Voit) certainly came over here and was given that opportunity and took it and kicked the door in,” said Boone. “I’m sure there will continue to be competition on all kinds of levels. The one thing with Greg that I never lost is we’ve seen him be an impact player at times in his career … This year, in a lot of ways, was a little bit of a lost season for him.”

Believe it or not, Bird is arbitration-eligible this winter. He accrued service time while on the disabled list these last few years. Those injuries and the lack of production mean Bird’s salary won’t be exorbitant — for what it’s worth, MLBTR projects Bird for $1.5M — so the Yankees won’t non-tender him or anything like that. Bird has all three minor league options remaining. Technically, he was called up in 2015 and hasn’t been sent down to the minors since. It’s been rehab assignments only.

Point is, Bird is going to be (relatively) cheap and the Yankees will be able to send him to Triple-A next season. At this point, that’s probably the best course of action. No more handing him a job, no more overvaluing a big Spring Training, nothing. Give Bird a look in Spring Training, send him to Triple-A and make him show he’s healthy and productive, then call him back up. That’d be my plan.

When it comes to Greg Bird, nothing would surprise me at this point. I wouldn’t be surprised if he showed up to camp next season, seized the first base job, and raked all summer. I wouldn’t be surprised if he got hurt again and was a non-factor (again). I wouldn’t be surprised if he did something in-between, which is kinda what happened in 2017. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Yankees traded him either. This past season was another lost year for Bird, and time is starting to run out for him to carve out a role in the Bronx.

Thoughts following Didi Gregorius’ Tommy John surgery

Source: https://bloghyped.com/another-lost-season-for-greg-bird-2018-season-review/

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jasonheart1 · 6 years

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O My! Offense shows up, shows off vs. Washington

LANDOVER, MD -- No reason to cover the children's eyes. Or make plans to build puzzles and eat shards of glass on Sundays. The Broncos offense awoke from a near two-year slumber, looking more like MTV than C-SPAN.

Coordinator Bill Musgrave used multiple sets, exploited mismatches and changed speeds more than an Uber driver as the Broncos starters raced to a 14-point halftime lead.

The Broncos held a 29-10 advantage at FedExField deep into the fourth quarter. No one will remember the score. This game will resonate for Case Keenum's performance with a suddenly nitromethane-fueled attack.

Keenum entered Friday seeking improvement, starting with his footwork. While he profiled as a team leader the moment he walked into the building, his performance had not matched. What played out against Washington explained why the Broncos sought him in the opening hours of free agency.

He found multiple receivers, directed traffic and was accurate. He finished 12-for-18 for 148 yards. He failed to deliver a touchdown this preseason -- he will not play in the finale at Arizona -- but more importantly finished with no turnovers. That cannot be overstated after the Broncos carousel of quarterbacks fired 22 interceptions last season.

Keenum shoved the Broncos ahead 10-0. It started at the beginning with an 11-play, 52-yard first drive, capped by Brandon McManus' 50-yard field goal. The decaffeinated launch against the Vikings seemed like a long time ago.

In perhaps his most impressive march with Denver, Keenum connected on a 27-yarder to Courtland Sutton, who created space against top corner Josh Norman, a 13-yarder to Demaryius Thomas and 5-yard snap to Jake Butt for his first preseason catch. Royce Freeman -- I need more bellcow, remember? -- made it matter with a 24-yard tackle-breaking burst for a touchdown. Freeman (26 yards on five carries) delivered a pair of ground scores, making a compelling case for the starting job ahead of Devontae Booker (9 yards on three carries).

Of note, Keenum continued to develop a strong connection with Emmanuel Sanders, who has had the best preseason of any Bronco. Call the combo 10-4, as a Twitter follower suggested. Or just label it electric after two years of acoustic club shows. Keenum targeted Sanders eight times. He finished with 61 yards on four catches. One stuck out -- a 33-yard reception on a perfectly placed throw by Keenum in front of the hard-charging safety. Sanders showed versatility, capping a second-quarter drive with a 27-yard touchdown on a reverse. Fullback Andy Janovich, as he did on Freeman's long run, provided a crushing block.

It symbolized a night when the scattered puzzle pieces fit.

Coach Vance Joseph told me earlier this week how the defense is built to play with a lead. It allows the pass rushers to wander out of the shadows and into the spotlight. Through three quarters, the Broncos delivered 10 quarterback hits and three sacks, including one by outside linebacker Shane Ray and a shared crunch by Von Miller and Bradley Chubb. Washington quarterback Alex Smith looked lost against Denver. Washington finished 0-for-7 on third downs in the first half.

If runningback Adrian Peterson hadn't joined Washington this week, the Broncos starters would have pitched a shutout. Peterson collected 56 yards on 11 carries, among them a 15-yard wiggle on fourth down.

In the process of their best game, the Broncos found a player worthy of roster spot discussion. Safety Dymonte Thomas, playing with Su'a Cravens (knee) and Will Parks (knee laceration) out, produced a fourth-down stop and sent Washington to the sidelines by batting a third-down pass with the starters.

About that backup quarterback spot?

Chad Kelly (7-for-11, 70 yards) locked up a job on the roster. Where he plays remains uncertain. He made a strong case to stay No. 2 with three scoring drives. Denver could still add a veteran after final cuts. But it will not come at Kelly's expense. Paxton Lynch remains the odd man out. He received garbage time action, and will likely get a chunk of snaps next week as half of the 90-man roster rests.

This night belonged to the quarterback landed because of the play of Lynch and crew last season. Keenum looked sharp. He looked ready to make last year's offense a memory.

Cravens concerns

The Broncos reached the third week relatively healthy. Safety Su'a Cravens represented a notable absence. The Broncos were hopeful he would play this week as he recovers from a sore knee. The Broncos acquired him for a draft pick to help provide a physical presence and cover tight ends. However, he has not practiced much and has missed the entire preseason schedule. This represents a concern given that he missed last season with Washington with concussion issues. He's not likely in danger of being cut, but if healthy, he could be one of the few big names to participate in the preseason finale at Arizona.

Not a fine time

Friday represents fine day in the NFL. The Broncos didn't escape the league's wrath. Reserve linebacker Jerrol Garcia-Williams was docked $20,054 for a hit on a quarterback vs. the Chicago Bears, per an NFL source. However, rookie cornerback Isaac Yiadom was not fined for lowering his head on a hit on a ballcarrier. I like that for this reason: they need to waive fines or not fine players until they get a handle on how to interpret the new rules.

Footnotes

The Broncos starting lineup underwent one change. Left guard Ron Leary continues to recover from offseason surgery on his right knee. He participated in a full pregame workout, but did not play. Max Garcia, who has been a surprise of the summer, started in his place. He was a bit inconsistent, especially in the run game. On the bubble before camp, Garcia has secured a roster spot. Who will join him? The Broncos need a backup tackle with the competition between Cyrus Kouandjio and Elijah Wilkinson. ... Broncos linebacker Brandon Marshall and receiver Demaryius Thomas stayed in the tunnel during the playing of the national anthem. ... Linebacker Todd Davis was flagged for lowering his head on a hit against Adrian Peterson, and faces a potential fine. ... Safety Shamarko Thomas was taken to a local hospital with an eye injury. ... Brandon McManus looked strong with five field goals, including a pair from 50 and 56 yards.

Enjoy this content? Follow Denver7 on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and download the Denver7 app on iOS and Android devices for continual access to breaking news, weather and sports.

Want Broncos news? Denver7 Broncos insider Troy E. Renck is your source. He talks to the players, covers the games and reports scoops on Denver7 and the Denver7 app. He is a CU grad who has covered pro sports in Colorado since 1996, including 14 years at The Denver Post. Follow him on Facebook, Twitter and TheDenverChannel.com’s Broncos page. Troy welcomes most of your emails at [email protected].

from Local News https://www.thedenverchannel.com/sports/broncos/broncos-offense-opens-eyes-under-case-keenum-with-strong-first-half

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junker-town · 6 years

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What’s the latest on Ryan Shazier?

Shazier is making incredible progress after a terrifying spinal injury he suffered in Week 13 against the Bengals.

Steelers linebacker Ryan Shazier suffered a spinal injury in December and has been making slow progress in a quest that stretches far beyond the gridiron.

He made a surprise appearance at the NFL Draft, when he walked out, for the first time in public, with his fiancee. Shazier announced the Steelers’ first-round pick, safety Terrell Edmunds:

Ryan Shazier walks onstage with his fiance to announce the Steelers pick pic.twitter.com/UQwOPd3kLh

— That Dude (@cjzer0) April 27, 2018

Two weeks before that, Shazier was an honorary captain at Ohio State’s spring game:

#Shalieve || The presence of @RyanShazier was felt during this year’s spring game. His return was a testimony of love of #TheBrotherhood. #GoBucks #LongLiveTheBrotherhood pic.twitter.com/jNlIyAaBG7

— Ohio State Football (@OhioStateFB) April 17, 2018

Here’s what happened before that:

On Feb. 20, Ryan Shazier spoke for the first time about his injury when he was a guest on his teammate Roosevelt Nix’s podcast. Shazier said that he’s making progress every day and that he plans to play football again one day. He echoed that on March 4 in a conversation with NFL Network’s Rich Eisen and Mike Mayock. Shazier said he wants to get back on the field and continue what he hopes will be a Hall of Fame career.

ESPN’s Adam Schefter shared on Super Bowl Sunday that Shazier hasn’t just regained feeling in his legs, but he’s also regained movement and is “engaging in a regular walking routine.” But Michele Tafoya reported that Shazier wasn’t walking on his own, which Shazier then confirmed himself.

Days later, Shazier attended a Penguins game and stood up, with some help, while fans gave him a standing ovation:

A well-deserved STANDING ovation for this guy. Welcome to the game, @RyanShazier! pic.twitter.com/IhBscrsXTT

— Pittsburgh Penguins (@penguins) February 7, 2018

On Feb. 1, Shazier posted the most encouraging sign of his recovery to that date with a picture that appeared to show him standing — albeit with support from teammate Ben Roethlisberger.

I’ve had a lot of 1st downs at UPMC, but you know being the defensive guy I am, my mind is on 3 and out. With that being said, I want everyone to know that I’m moving on to the next step of the process. Today’s a big day for me as I’m officially being released from the hospital. I want to take a moment to thank the people who have helped me the past two months. First and foremost, I want to thank God because at the end of the day I don’t think I’d be making progress without His vision and hands protecting me and my family. I will continue to trust in Him and thank Him, because it all starts with Him. To my family: you’ve been my rock. Words can’t express how thankful I am for you Michelle, RJ, Mom, Dad, and VJ for always being there for me. You’re my everything. To Jerome: my trainer and best friend. Thank you for being there from day 1 and every day after continuing to push me to be better every day. I’d like to thank Dr. Okonkwo, Dr. Harrington, Dr. Maroon, and Dr. Schroeder for their amazing work on my procedure and continuous care. I can’t appropriately express how grateful I am for how quickly you’ve helped me bounce back. I want to thank the medical staff at UPMC for their amazing care, support and therapy they have given me- especially Joe, Nikki, Karolina and Dani. I know the staff will continue to help me find a way to keep on pushing as we continue therapy. The support from my teammates has been truly amazing. From former players to current players and their families- they have helped me and my family day to day with visits and gifts. We can’t thank you enough. I want to thank Mr. Rooney, Coach T, Mr. Colbert, and the entire Steelers organization for the unwavering support they’ve given me. I knew they were an amazing organization, but more than ever they’re family to me. Lastly, I want to thank Jimmy, Candice, and the CAA Sports staff for being here when I need them most. I don’t know if I’d be where I’m at or making the progress I’m making without you guys. I want everyone to know that all of the support and prayers are absolutely being answered. I will continue to work hard and push and find a way back. #Shalieve #Steelers #prayfor50

A post shared by Ryan Shazier (@shazier) on Feb 1, 2018 at 10:57am PST

That same day, the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center released a statement saying that Shazier was discharged from inpatient rehab and will transition into an outpatient program to continue his recovery.

At the NFL Combine, Steelers GM Kevin Colbert announced that Shazier wouldn’t be playing in the 2018 season:

Steelers GM says Ryan Shazier won’t play in 2018. “We know that, he knows that”

— Adam Stites (@AdamStites_) February 28, 2018

Shazier told the world he’d regained feeling in his legs after suffering a devastating spinal injury in the Steelers’ Week 13 win over the Bengals.

He visited his teammates at practice for the first time before the Steelers’ divisional matchup against the Jaguars, bringing an emotional lift as the team prepared for the postseason.

This was the first photo that confirmed Shazier was in a wheelchair. His family and the team have kept details about Shazier’s condition close to the vest to protect his privacy as he recovers.

I want to thank the Lord for the first downs that he has been allowing me to achieve. The touchdown is going to come in his timing, but today was a first down. I was finally able to make it to practice with my teammates. It’s great to be back for practices and meetings. Just to be able to feel a part of it means the world. So I’m working harder than I ever have to get back. Ive been making strides over the past month and continue to make progress. Taking it day-by-day, but I’m far from done. The Lord has not finished his work yet. I want to say thank you to the fans and Steelers Nation for the prayers. If it wasn’t for my family, friends and your prayers I wouldn’t be were I am now. They have lifted me and my family through this journey and I ask for you to continue praying for me, as I continue to work daily on improving my health. #Shalieve#Steelers#prayfor50

A post shared by Ryan Shazier (@shazier) on Jan 10, 2018 at 11:13am PST

Cameron Heyward told NFL Network’s Aditi Kinkhabwala that Shazier said he has good days and bad days. But the days he’s able to spend around his teammates are always good days.

His father, Vernon Shazier, said his condition is improving.

“He’s much better,” the elder Shazier said in early January, via Pittsburgh’s WPXI-TV, “but we’ve agreed to keep his progress private until he’s ready to share where he’s at.”

What does Ryan Shazier mean to the Steelers? He’s been the Steelers’ biggest defensive playmaker since they took him him in the first round of the 2014 draft.

He had 89 total tackles this season, despite missing the last four games. That ties him with Vince Williams, who started all 16 games, for second on the team. Shazier finished the season with two forced fumbles and three picks, both of which tie him for the No. 1 spot on the team in each category.

Shazier means so much more to the Steelers than that, as was seen in the way his teammates reacted immediately after his injury. They had a hard time holding back tears in the immediate aftermath and for the rest of the game.

“I don’t think Vince (Williams) stopped crying until after halftime, and that’s one of the most gangster dudes on the team,” safety Mike Mitchell said, via The MMQB’s Greg Bishop. “People had to grab him by the face mask and be like, ‘Yo, you’re the middle linebacker now. You can’t be sniffling.’”

The Steelers went on to win that game, beating the Bengals 23-20. They won four of their last five, locking up the second seed in the AFC. He wasn’t on the field, but they didn’t do it without Shazier.

“When you see him, you know how much he loves football and wants to be out there for us,” linebacker Anthony Chickillo said, through the team’s website. “You just want to go hard for him. You just want to win for him.”

He hasn’t stopped being there for his teammates. Shazier celebrated the Steelers’ Week 14 win over the Ravens with his teammates from his hospital bed via FaceTime. And he even made it to the Steelers’ Week 15 loss to the Patriots at Heinz Field, just two weeks after his injury. Shazier also attended the Steelers’ Week 17 win over the Browns in Pittsburgh.

Shazier was also on hand to cheer on the Steelers at the divisional matchup against the Jaguars.

#SHALIEVE pic.twitter.com/Q48FqcCfwh

— Pittsburgh Steelers (@steelers) January 14, 2018

He spoke to his teammates in the locker room to encourage them, according to CBS’ broadcast.

After the season was over, Steelers own Art Rooney II said that there will be a role for Shazier in 2018 in some capacity:

Art Rooney on Ryan Shazier's future: "I expect Ryan is going to be here one way or the other and have a roll on the team one way or other in 2018"

— Ed Bouchette (@EdBouchette) February 7, 2018

How was Shazier injured? Shazier went to the ground clutching his back after tackling Bengals wide receiver Josh Malone on Cincinnati’s first possession of the game. It looked like a normal, everyday kind of tackle until Shazier didn’t get up.

Shazier was immobilized on a backboard, carted off the field, and taken directly to a Cincinnati hospital. He was transported back to Pittsburgh and underwent spinal stabilization surgery. The Steelers placed him on injured reserve.

What’s Shazier’s prognosis? Shazier started rehab days after undergoing surgery, and he’s been healthy enough to make it to the team’s practice facility for meetings. He’s still very much a part of the Steelers, even if he never takes the field again.

But that’s not out of the question. Shazier told Nix his goal is to get back on the field and to become a Hall of Famer. Shazier’s father said he believes his son will play again.

“Yes, I do,” Vernon Shazier said. “I Shalieve.” Shazier and his family consistently use that play on Shazier’s last name and the word “believe“ when talking about his injury.

The injury was terrifying, and it’s difficult to even think about whether Shazier can or will play football in the future. What matters now is just Shazier’s continued recovery.

“I’m not worried about him playing for us again, I’m more worried about him,” Steelers defensive coordinator Keith Butler said via the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. “Y’all have been updated as much as we have. The thing that we’re hopeful for and prayerful for is that he comes back and he’ll be OK. The football stuff is secondary. His life is a lot more important to me than football.”

Shazier’s teammates came up short of their goal to win Super Bowl LII, falling to the Jaguars in the Divisional Round.

Shazier wasn’t on the field for the postseason. But he was still a huge part of what his teammates accomplished this season.

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