#while patrick also has to react to them as parents

[princess-from-another-galaxy]

I kinda of want a fic where Patrick has a kid.

Like, you mean to tell me that resident man whore who's been fucking around the country in between tennis matches since he was a teenager (with only a brief period of faithfulness to Tashi) Patrick Zweig wouldn't have at least 1 oops baby????? Bffr

[morganbritton132]

Oh man Steve’s nightmare on the tour bus 😭😭

How often do our boys get nightmares? I would imagine Steve’s are a grab bag of demodogs, Billy, the Russians, the lake etc. and Eddy’s are Chrissy, demobats, maybe even Jason Carver??

Anyways I love your EMTSS! Reading them helps me relax after a stressful day at work ❤️

I got your other ask about knowing how to spell Eddie’s name and honestly, I didn’t even notice it was misspelled so no worries. Also, happy to help you relax in anyways I can.

 

Nightmares are no stranger to any of the party members and it’s not unusual to receive a check-in phone call in the middle of the night, but it typically comes in waves. There is usually an increase in phone calls and nightmares around the anniversary of Will’s disappearance, the mall fire, or Vecna.

Steve tends to have more nightmares than Eddie, but he also keeps a fairly regimented sleep schedule whereas Eddie has insomnia. There have been times where Eddie won’t sleep or will sleep very little for days just to run himself ragged enough to have a dreamless sleep.

The way they react to their nightmares are also different.

Steve has a more physical reaction. Most of his nightmares are about situations where he had to fight back and it causes him to lash out in his sleep or when he’s trapped in his head. Steve is also a sleepwalker so he will bring the nightmare to you sometimes.

Steve’s nightmares tend to be about the Russians, about Billy, and about the junkyard going all wrong and losing the kids. He has nightmares about the creature that crawled through the wall in Joyce Byers’ living room and drowning in Lover’s Lake. He has nightmares about watching Eddie die in Dustin’s arms and not being able to do anything about it.

He also has nightmares about normal things he’s anxious about. He has nightmares about forgetting, about being forgotten or left behind. He has nightmares about the Upside Down coming back and being in a position where he can’t protect his friends anymore, but the worst are the nightmares about Barb.

They don’t even pop up around the time of her disappearance. He gets them most often around the anniversary of his father’s death. It’s always the same – the way his parents were more angry about it happening at their house than that it happened at all, the weird way that lecture got physical, her nearly empty funeral. He dreamed of her, water-logged and unforgiving, and how he could never find enough words to say that he was sorry.

Eddie’s reaction to nightmares are more subdue.

It’s a juxtaposition to everything everybody knows about him. He spent a lifetime running away, but the nightmares have always froze him to the bone. They play out in vivid detail behind his eyes while his body lays stiff and trembling. He is quiet in a way that is always scary to see, barely making a sound beyond the hitching of his breath.

Eddie dreamed a lot about Chrissy.

He dreamed about saving her, about doing everything right so she walked out of the trailer that night and how it didn’t matter if he did or not. He dreamed about the cracking of her bones and her eyes caved into her head, and it always felt like he was back there again.

He dreamed about the bats. He dreamed about the swarm, about fucking up and Dustin getting bit, but he also dreamed about Rick’s boat house. He dreamed of the basketball team finding him and beating him until he couldn’t feel the punches. He dreamed about Patrick, floating out of the water and knowing that he couldn’t save him either.

Eddie dreamed other nightmares too – about his dad and the time before he lived with Wayne. He dreamed about what his mother might say about her queer son and if it would repeat the echoes of his father’s anger. He dreams about losing Steve and not finding him, about Vecna coming back and ripping away the life he built.

He had nightmares and he’d wake up with a wet gasp in the arms of his husband because even though it’s not obvious, it always seems to be to Steve.

[breakthrough88]

You brought this upon yourself man, be prepared for my sea of questions.

Given the Sitcom Au Age up AU(that is a mouthful) , and everything Abt it how do the twins react to (idk if your up to date on what little I have for that AU but imma ask anyway) Parker and Micah's Engagement, along with Bonnies multiple arrests for harboring runaways?

An extension of the last question, How would they(all of them, not just the twins) react to Parker's pregnancy?

Because they are both AuADHD how do they do in school? Like give the General, grades, friends, stuff they're good at, ECT,ECT.

Now, Sabrina and Dalia have a three year old named Jasper (I cannot remember if I posted him or not I have the memory of a goldfish. But for the record he's a very chaotic troublemaker who likes Nudibranchs and Sharks) how would the twins react to him? Would they like him, why or why not?

Bonnie would babysit the two in her Pawn shop, have they broken anything? And what do they do when they're stuck with their cousin in said Pawn shop?

Referring to question 1, would they like Micah? Do they like him, and do they like the fact he has a talent for music?

What are their all time favorite songs and movie?

How do they dress? Like, so they dress like Ramsey? Like an off brand Adam Sandler, ect. Ect.

Fav food? (Idk if you said this already I have poor memory)

Lastly, describe their relationship with their parents. Do they like one more than the other? Do they find certain things they do annoying? ECT. ECT.

What have I done?

I'll admit when I first started writing about the stuff down in my previous post I wasn't thinking about it in terms of what I had changed within the sitcom AU, just the boys ten years in the future. I think a shorter name could be "Timeskip Sitcom AU"

The twins are excited about the engagement, they have listened to Parker ramble on about Micah, so they know she truly loves him. However when they were first told that they did eerily stare at Micah for several seconds without explanation. In regards to Bonnie, it's complicated. Because they have Percy for a mom the twins know "Crime is Bad". But since Ramsey is their dad they also know that sometimes bending the rules is necessary. Some people with autism (like myself) tend to be very black-and-white concerning what is right and wrong. The twins are like this but because they are young they aren't quite sure what to think.

I think the whole family would be happy about it. I think some of Percy's traditionalism would have her be slightly upset Parker got pregnant before getting married but for the most part, she's excited. The twins would immediately ask Parker how she got pregnant leading to Ramsey pulling them away because he doesn't want to explain what sex is to his ten-year-olds. Later on Booker and Parker would compete by pitching baby names to Parker.

Both boys do well in school and take more after Percy regarding the pursuit of academia so they are motivated to do well. However, Patrick will get lost in thought, and that unfortunately tends to happen right before the teacher calls on him. Booker on the other hand absently mindedly makes popping noises with his mouth which can be disruptive at times. In regards to socialization, Patrick tries harder but most of his interests don't match his current generation which makes it harder. He still likes cartoons and stuff but his favorites are the ones before his time, so he has a bit of a harder time fitting in and it makes him sad. Booker has an easier time socializing but he doesn't have as strong a need. If someone needs book recommendations he'll rattle on for several minutes. The boys have the same friend group. While they don't need to be together constantly they see little purpose in being friends with someone who doesn't like the other twin. Patrick likes building stuff and is pretty good at it, but his favorite thing to build is marble tracks. Patrick's math skills are somewhat higher than the average ten-year-old but he isn't aware of this. He also has a pretty good track record with those challenges to guess how many things there are in a container. He's also good at staring contests. Booker likes reading and while he doesn't write, he's pretty good at analyzing what he has read. Despite inheriting his father's hair color, he did not inherit his art skills. Booker also has worse handwriting than his brother but has a better memory. Neither twin is good at sports but Booker has remarkable hand-eye coordination.

Patrick and Booker have had to prevent Jasper from eating marbles and wax perspectively. They like him as long as he isn't actively trying to destroy their stuff. However, they are afraid of accidentally making him cry because they don't want Sabrina to "curse them forever".

The twins have probably dropped small fragile objects before and probably cried while apologizing for breaking them. Unlike most fictional twins (like Zach and Cody) the twins are pretty well-behaved and will sit behind the counter quietly. But if Bonnie steps away they will immediately try to man the register so they can "do business like grown-ups" Results are mixed.

The twins do like Micah and are impressed by his talent for music and while they do like it, it isn't their all-time favorite music. Micah is good at babysitting them and that's part of why I feel like Micah is excited for the baby. However, after the engagement announcement, there have been other times when the twins will stare at Micah with no explanation.

Here's the thing. All of our media doesn't exist in the Epithet Erased Universe. But I suppose I can say what they would like if it did. Patrick's favorite movie would be The Lego Movie and his favorite music is classical, particularly piano, and would like the Piano Guys. Booker's favorite movie would be Tangled. In most instances, he prefers the sound of women singing over guys. Despite this his favorite band if they existed in the EE universe would be the Oh Hellos.

Ramsey may like the way he dresses but Bonnie has threatened him with violence if he made the twins dress like him. The twins prefer long-sleeved shirts and pants. Hoodies are also very common. (Listen I don't know much about fashion) They don't wear matching clothes but the stuff they wear looks good when they stand next to each other.

I have indeed mentioned their favorite food before! But just for you I'll add their favorite dessert too! Patrick likes buttered sourdough toast! Percy accidentally bought sourdough bread one time instead of the usual wheat bread and Patrick loved it so it became common. Patrick's favorite dessert is lemon meringue pie. Booker's favorite food is popcorn and he prefers it with an excessive amount of butter and salt. His favorite dessert is frosted sugar cookies.

Both twins love their parents equally however from an outsider's perspective it would look like they love Percy more because they idolize her work and sense of justice. It's just a matter of knowing each parent specializes in different things. Patrick will ask his mom for architectural advice when he makes his marble tracks. However, when it comes to help with talking to people he tends to ask Ramsey for help. Booker likes going to the library with Percy but he also takes drawing lessons from Ramsey. Both kids know if they want to eat something sweet they have better luck asking Ramsey but they are more likely to cling to Percy when they get scared. Both twins get grossed out when Ramsey does tricks with his gold eye and they just look at him when he tells dad jokes most of the time. They don't think they are bad, but they don't laugh either. Percy sometimes has issues when critiquing her children when they ask for her help and she can be a little blunt. Of course, she doesn't mean it and she is trying to be better about it.

[specialshinytrinkets]

For the blorbo bingo,

He? <3

Also help these pictures of him 😭

OHOHOJOHJJOHOHOHOHOH HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE <33333333333333333

(Context for the third pic: "The Date" — Darwin was training Gumball in how he should react to different people that they could encounter on a "date" with Penny. These people were, in order of appearance, a bandit, Patrick, "Penny's successful ex-boyfriend" and someone who didn't believe in love. The approach to all of them was to fight them lmfao-)

[Explanation for some under the cut]

"There's probably a deep seated reason I love them" — which is probably similar as to why I love Julius, a bully who hurts others for kicks and giggles! It's just how it is, when you know folks, that would at the very least argue with you when discussing LGBT topics in positive light, and then see that kind of person become accepting. You just. Unwillingly want that in your life ig – for types of people who had hurt you before to turn around, learn of the damage done and try to resolve it and prevent it from happening again

"Don't typically discuss irl because of the fandom" — not necessarily a fandom thing, but I'd rather not discuss him with a friend whose dad is a major control freak demanding perfection, to say the least-

"Projection has entered the chat" — mostly comes from all the childhood headcanons. *It's A Hard Knock Life intensifies*

"Pretty priviledge" — I mean. Look at him

"Not enough canon/Underrated" — imo the fandom needs to branch out from the shell breaking, when it comes to writing for Patrick (/nbh). I understand the appeal - hell, I have four AUs, three co-written with Peasley (@spideygal), that feature shell breaking as a major plot point - however, that is not all that comes to him! He's first and foremost, a breadwinner dad, and you can expand on the psychological effects of that quite well. One work I'll always recommend is "The Luncheon" by Don_Danilovstein_Stacker_III on AO3, because it's a perfect fanfic for Patrick, as simple as it is conceptually on paper. Not only does it follow the events of an episode that ended rather ambiguously, closing them off on a satisfying note, while recounting the events before, it features the most fruitful dynamic as its main focus: Patrick and Gumball. It's a great read, so I'm gonna leave it here

Or you could look into his childhood — how he met Judith, his school and homelife with his parents, how it affected his friendships, attitude towards work and parenting style, how is his relationship with Penny now, his reconsiderations for raising Polly, the shell-wearing tradition, etc etc. Really, there is a LOT when it comes to TAWOG's worldbuilding details in Elmore's urban and suburban life that can be expanded on endlessly, when magic and AI-powever robots coexist. Write your heart out!

...

This also applies to the take I despise, which you can guess- If the canon won't make Patrick an awkward ally(..?), then I Will.

[def-initely-soul]

house rules {1}

pairing: jimin x reader (f.)

genre: fluff; angst; roommates au; kinda new girl au; smut; f2l au

rating: explicit

warnings: sexual content; mention of emotional abuse; mention of manipulative relationship; mention of body issues; explicit smut

words: 26.3k

summary:

↠ {living with two guys has always its pros and cons. Pros being someone will always get you popcorn for your midnight cravings. Cons being you might like one of them…?} ↞

or alternatively, the shenanigans of five friends, where two of them are in a loving relationship, one is Kim Seokjin and the other two don’t know what the fuck they’re doing

.

.

The clock on the other side of the wall keeps ticking, each second driving you closer to madness over the insistent sound.

You click your pen open and closed. Open and closed. Open and closed.

And yet you still have no freaking clue on how to begin this godawful novel.

Godawful as in the mere effort it takes for it to come to life is starting to make you want to flick yourself off from a window.

Like, god, you’ve been staring at an empty piece of paper for almost two hours now, your coffee’s gone cold.

And yeah you write in paper. No laptop, no typewriter, just you, your pen and a currently empty piece of paper. It seems more direct, more intimate this way. Put you in front of a blank screen and your brain will surely follow it.

Although, today it doesn’t seem like you have much luck with paper either.

With a tired sigh, you rest your mighty pen on your desk, taking out your noise-cancelling earbuds and stand up from your chair.

You stretch out your limbs, your back already killing you from hunching over your desk for two hours now and you trudge over to the living room where the rest of your friends are having a movie night.

“Guys, the old crone decided to join us…” Hoseok comments from his side of the small couch as you drag your feet to your designated spot beside Jimin on the big couch.

“Quick, hide your popcorn, and hide your jelly beans!” Seokjin joins in on the mocking as Jimin scans through Netflix for a decent movie none of you has seen yet.

You know you’ll end up watching Dirty Dancing again because the chances of finding a movie none of you has seen yet are nearly non-existent.

 “Ha, ha, your superior sense of humour is astounding…” you mumble as you sit cross-legged on the couch and Ana turns to you from her spot next to Hoseok.

“No luck with the novel still huh?” her eyes are looking at you sympathetically and you grumble a response, crossing your arms on your chest.

“Don’t worry, Y/N, it’ll come to you eventually,” Seokjin says, stretching his hand from his armchair to your right to nudge your knee and you let a deep breath infiltrate your lungs once he retracts it.

Jimin gives you a side glance before his eyes return to the screen. “Yeah, until she gets a different idea and the cycle repeats itself.”

“Hey!” you lightly punch your best friend in the ribs, earning a groan from him, “I just have to find a way to start this bloody thing and then it’ll turn out to be the greatest book in the century, you’ll see!” you defend your cause, eyes wide and challenging on Jimin who simply smiles at you with a winning smirk.

“That’s more like it…” he replies, the glint in his eyes your only hint giving away the intention behind his words and again you groan. Refusing to let the smile on your lips appear.

“I hate you when you do that…” you mumble, a small note of fondness only Jimin can distinguish, hiding in your voice as he finally picks his choice of a film with a smile hanging from his lips.

“Shh, the movie’s starting!” Ana interrupts everyone when -surprise surprise- Dirty Dancing starts playing. All of you have a certain liking towards the movie- I mean what’s not to like? Summer romance? Patrick Swayze with half-open shirts? Heated dancing? With Patrick Swayze?- but you can say for certain Ana takes the cake as a Dirty Dancing fan.

“How can you still be this much excited for this movie?” Hoseok comments from beside her and even though he sounds judgey there’s only lovesick fondness in his eyes when he looks at Ana.

Although when Ana turns to look at her boyfriend, she looks completely serious. “Keep this up and no sex for a month. We don’t condone this kind of behaviour in this house.”

You and Jimin try to suppress your giggles as Hoseok’s eyes widen in fear. “You can’t do that, what about you?!”

Ana simply smiles back with too much sweetness. “My hands aren’t just good for making you cum, babe.”

Disgusted protests come from the rest of the group as you’re sure you won’t ever be able to unhear this.

“Why, why did we have to hear that?” Jimin complains as Seokjin makes a gagging sound next to him.

Hoseok just smiles. “Oh, come on Jimin, don’t act like you didn’t enjoy tapping this hot piece of ass!” and another round of puking sounds emerges in the room.

Truth is Ana didn’t date Hoseok in the beginning. In reality, she got added to your group only after she started going out with Jimin in the second year of college. And even though she and Jimin didn’t work out in the end, she had already become an essential part of your group and they even remained great friends after the breakup.

Not long after that Hoseok asked her out. And you swear no couple ever made more sense than those two. Although you really hate when they get down and dirty in Hoseok’s room which is right next to yours.

You first started living with Hoseok and Jimin in the first year of college, five years ago. Jimin was a guy you barely knew from high school but he was the greatest of options you had when looking to share an apartment with someone. You didn’t want to live in a dorm but it wasn’t like your parents were rich or something, so there was no way for them to afford an apartment just for you. So looking for a roommate was the best solution.

Hoseok came a little bit afterwards. You and he shared a class and you became friends fairly quickly. So when he told you the situation at his dorm was unbearable, you couldn’t help but think of the empty bedroom in your apartment. And the rest is history.

Seokjin became a part of your group only months before Ana did. He and Jimin worked at the same part-time job as waiters in a local restaurant. And while Seokjin went forward to run his own restaurant and Jimin followed his passion as a dance instructor their friendship persevered. So it wasn’t long before he joined your group.

And it wasn’t long before you got this stupid crush on him.

Not that it matters anyway. He doesn’t know and you don’t plan on ever telling him to be honest. You know how easily things could go wrong and you’re fine with simply being his friend.

“Okay, babe, that’s enough for now…” Ana quiets down her boyfriend with a small kiss on his lips and finally pipes down to focus on Patrick Swayze’s biceps.

Your eyes rest on the screen as another exhausted sigh escapes you. This novel is your chance of having something of yours published. What if you can’t make it in time? What if it’s shit? What if you finally realize after all this time that being a writer was never what you were supposed to be and all those years believing that were in vain? What if-?

Your thoughts get interrupted when you feel a palm laying across your knee and squeezing it gently.

The fog in your head clears a bit when you find Jimin looking at you with a soft smile. One that tells you not to worry. Jimin could always read you like a book so it’s no surprise he could sense you spiralling.

And it’s not a surprise that with a single look he can calm down your racing thoughts.

He’s one of your closest friends after all.

.

.

“Hoseok you can’t keep using Ana’s departure as an excuse to not help with cleaning up!” you yell towards the couple saying goodbye at the front door, while Seokjin giggles as he dries out some of your plates.

“Shut up, you heathen, this is true love we’re talking about! Also, I can and I will!” your roommate yells back and you roll your eyes. On the other side of the room, Jimin picks up several empty beer cans as Ana kisses her boyfriend.

“Go on, babe, before they drive a stick through your ass,” she chuckles.

Hoseok pouts, the gesture almost etched to his features by now. “Oh, and you haven’t even done it that thing you wanted yet!”

“Again keep your weird sexual life out of this god-respected household,” Jimin comments and at once everyone turns to stare at him confused.

He stares back before, “Okay, yeah, I just heard it…” then he proceeds to take the trash out.

Ana chuckles before pressing another kiss on Hoseok’s lips. “Okay, I’m off. Bye guys!” to which you all respond with a chorus of “byes”.

Hoseok closes the door with a dreamy sigh before trekking over to the kitchen island to watch as you and Seokjin clean up. “Is it weird that I miss her already?”

Seokjin coos at the same time you react too. Although your reaction comes closer to a gagging sound and now both of them look at you like you just kicked a puppy.

You clear your throat, “oh, I- I meant… ''awww”...” you reply quickly, avoiding their stares to clean up the rest of the plates.

“Don’t mind her Hobi, she's just jealous,” Seokjin comments as he rests his towel on his shoulder.

At that, you scoff. You’re not jealous! You just hate corny things!

“Jealous? Pff. Who says they miss someone right after they leave? That’s just cheesy! I mean, yeah, you and Ana are perfect for each other, you’re cute together and you complete each other, and there’s intimacy and feelings and mutual respect…” your voice becomes sadder at the end and ultimately fades out, leaving you staring at the floor.

Where were you going with this?

The guys look at you with knowing glances and you groan out loud.

“Oh, shut your faces. I’m not jealous!” “Who’s not jealous?” Jimin asks once he’s back into the apartment.

“Y/N, of our relationship,” Hoseok’s quick to respond.

“Yours and mine?” Jimin queries.

Hoseok rolls his eyes but he responds in all seriousness “No, Ana’s and mine.”

Jimin just shrugs. “Makes more sense.”

Your eyes narrow and you scoff. “No, it doesn’t because I’m not jealous!”

Seokjin places his palm on your shoulder. “It’s okay, Y/N, I’m sure you’ll find someone someday to be grumpy with.”

You pick his hand and drop it off your shoulder. “Thanks, but I’m fine. Besides I got my novel to write, I don’t have time for a boyfriend.”

“Oh, I’d marry rich if I was expecting anything of that novel!” Hoseok comments with a laugh but everyone freezes, including you. Is that what he really thinks? That you’re not gonna make it?

All of you turn to look at him, but Hoseok remains oblivious of your stares for a few moments. But when he realizes you’re all looking at him, he looks confused.

“What?” he asks, visibly perplexed.

Jimin’s eyes widen, disbelief in his voice. “Dude!”

Hoseok shrugs though his eyes widen in almost fear. “It was a joke!” his voice is one pitch higher as slight traces of panic are evident in his words. When no one responds, he turns to you, desperation and honesty in his eyes. “Y/N, really, it was just a joke.”

You stare for a moment too long, before you nod, giving him a smile to spare him from his misery, deciding to not let such a simple comment affect you. “Yeah, yeah, I know, of course!”

“I didn’t mean any of that okay? It was a stupid joke!” Hoseok nearly screeches, regret in his words as he doesn’t seem at all convinced by your answer.

You force a laugh to calm him down.

“Hobi, I’m fine! Don’t worry too much,” you smile at him, patting him on the back and moving to put the plates Seokjin dried out to their respective cabinets.

He still doesn’t seem convinced and he’s ready to pester you some more before Seokjin intervenes, sensing you’re starting to feel uncomfortable with all the attention. “Anyways, Hoseok you said you wanted my opinion on something?”

Hoseok’s attention turns to Seokjin once he speaks up. “Ah yeah! Actually, my three-year anniversary with Ana is coming up and I’m all out of ideas,” he responds sheepishly as he rubs the base of his neck.

“Ehm, hello? I’m her best friend, why don’t you ask me?” you complain, putting your hands on your waist with one eyebrow cocked up.

“Y/N your most serious relationship lasted two months and it ended because you fought over which peanut butter spread is the best,” Hoseok raises an eyebrow at you as he and Seokjin walk over to the couch, trying to brainstorm ideas.

“I’m sorry but whoever thinks smooth is better than crunchy is simply not human,” the memory sends a shudder through you and you look at Jimin for confirmation and he’s quick to nod his head and agree.

“Oh, yeah, that relationship had no future after that,” he washes his hands at the sink as he looks over to Hoseok who simply giggles.

“Okay, yeah, I can give you that one. But you really have no idea of relationships, so I’m sorry but I’m not taking any suggestions,” he softens the blow with a flying kiss in your direction.

You scoff, indignant. “Rude. True but rude!” you admit as you finally place the last of the plates in its place. Hoseok and Seokjin are now deep in conversation, throwing one idea after the other and if he decides to go with any of these, you’re sure Ana will dump him before he gets the chance to utter “break up sex”.

Seeing as there’s nothing else left for you to do, you decide to head off to sleep, making a mental note to talk to Hoseok about his date ideas and salvage whatever you can.

“Okay, I’m going to bed, goodnight guys!” you wave them goodnight before turning to the hallway when Jimin comes towards you.

“I’ll walk with you,” he says, following you into the corridor.

You walk in silence, not that it’s weird or anything. You and Jimin have reached that point in a friendship where you don’t have to fill the silence to be comfortable around each other. You could be in the same room, doing completely different things, not talking at all, and still, you wouldn’t feel the need to fill the silence.

Once you reach both of your rooms, as they are right across from one another, you ready to say goodnight when Jimin interrupts you.

“Ah, wait…” he stops you just as you reach for your doorknob and you turn around. “What is it?”

He sighs before, “look, I know you know Hoseok didn’t mean any of that but I also know words tend to get into your head…” he begins, voice gentle and eyes cautious on you as you fidget on your spot uncomfortably.

“And I just want to say-”

“What?” you cut him off with a tired sigh, “everything will turn out okay? That suddenly I’m gonna be blessed with divine inspiration when I least expect it?” you give him a weak smile, crossing your hands on your chest.

What you don’t expect is Jimin to laugh. “No, no, all of that is just a pile of crap!” he chuckles and you can’t help but laugh along with him.

“I wanted to say that whatever goes through that little mind of yours shouldn’t keep you from writing. That’s what you do, you write! And, yeah, some of it may come out as complete bullshit, but that’s just how it has to go before you get better,” he says simply, voice filled to the brim with honesty and you rest your eyes at your feet, suddenly feeling very self-aware.

“Because I know you’re gonna get better. You just need a push,” he finally smiles softly at you, warmness spreading through your heart as if his smile is a portable heater, radiating warmth to the people closest to it.

“Thanks…” you mumble back, letting your eyes find him to truly express how thankful you are.

You aren’t good with expressing your feelings, not when it’s not on top of a piece of paper. Everyone knows this, Jimin even more so. You know you don’t have to say anything for him to understand how you truly feel.

And so he smiles back and nods as if to say “you’re welcome”.

And for a few moments, you stay like that. Both of you leaning on your doors, staring at each other as another silence fills the corridor.

But this one is different. Still comfortable but there’s something else hanging in the air. It’s the way you look at each other, basking in each other’s presence, comfortable and not ready to say goodnight yet.

It’s the way Jimin’s looking at you. Smile slightly fading as his eyes remain on your face, ever serious, ever intense as if they’re saying something his lips can’t, something you can’t quite understand, something that makes you feel-

Jimin breaks the stuffed silence with a shake of his head. “Anyways, um… goodnight, Y/N…” he says, voice thick with something and his words seem to revive you as well as he opens the door to quickly go into his room.

“Ah, yeah, goodnight, Jimin,” you reply casually before you enter your bedroom and close the door behind you.

That felt… weird.

As much as you try to put a name to what you felt out there, you can’t. The situation felt too foreign, too much for your drunk mind to comprehend.

You shake your head, passing it off to the many beers you had and without giving it much of another thought you go to sleep.

.

.

Although, three weeks pass after that talk and you still can’t get it out of your mind.

You figured you would’ve forgotten about it by now, blaming it on the amount of alcohol you had consumed that night but no. Those last few moments before you parted in the middle of your hallway still linger in the crevices of your mind, not unlike a bunch of vultures scavenging for prey.

Even now, at Seokjin’s birthday party, it’s all you can think about instead of paying attention to the birthday boy himself and the subject of your affections. If he even knew you weren’t focusing on him on his own birthday party he would flip.

Did Jimin want to say something to you? It seemed so but since then he’s made no indication as to show he wants to talk to you. It’s been three weeks and there was no other talk of that weird conversation outside your bedrooms. No sign that it ever happened. You wonder what was going through his mind at that time. You wonder what he’s thinking about it now, if he even thinks about it still like you.

“Earth to Y/N! Hello?” a floating hand breaks your inner monologue, Ana looking at you with scrunched eyebrows and a glare to match. The two of you are currently alone amidst the crowd of partygoers as Ana dragged you aside to excitedly tell you about the amazing anniversary Hoseok had planned for them, last Saturday. You guess you lost focus somewhere in the middle.

“What?” your voice gets defensive and Ana’s glare seems more intimidating as seconds pass by.

“You stopped listening!” she slaps you lightly on the arm and a yelp comes out of your lips as a form of protest.

“I didn’t!” you try to defend your guilty self as you rub the afflicted spot.

“Yeah, no, I thought so at first “Y/N would never just stop listening” so I started casually throwing Seokjin’s name into the conversation, that always worked like a charm to get you to focus, but you still didn’t listen!” she retaliates and you shrink back in shame.

“Sorry…” you mumble in all honesty, biting your lip in embarrassment. “But I heard the most important parts!” you perk up, “And the whole concert then cooking at home date idea was really insightful and cute! And full disclosure, if I hadn’t interfered and let Hoseok listen to Seokjin, you would’ve ended up at a screening of cats!” you shake your finger at her and she giggles out loud.

“Although I gotta admit, Hoseok cleaned up really well on its own…” you smile at her and she nods with a dreamy sigh before taking a sip of her drink.

“Oh, and you have to thank me for stopping Hoseok from using his “free Hoseok love” coupon as a gift.”

Ana’s eyes widen in grave seriousness. “Oh, he did use that…”

You wince at that. “Oh god, I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t fret too much about it, he also bought me that cute pair of boots I wanted!” she pats you on the back before she bites her lip as a child that’s about to get scolded, “~and… I also kind of enjoyed it…” she says with a wink and you roll your eyes at your friend.

“The leather ones that were really expensive?” she had rumbled over the course of a week about how she fell in love with those boots but their relationship would’ve never worked (in simpler words she couldn’t afford them).

She nods at you. “Marry him,” you respond with urgency and Ana laughs at you.

But as her giggles die down her face turns solemn once more.

“Are you okay though? It’s not like you to not pay attention, even more so when it’s about Seokjin…” she says with a chuckle at the end, yet her eyes remain cautious and you sigh.

“Yeah, it’s just that Jimin-”

“Y/N, wait… I’m sorry but you do realise that I was talking about Seokjin, right?” her stare is a bit weirded out, “and that we’re currently at his birthday party and you choose to hang out with me instead of talking to him?” she skillfully observes, making you feel uncomfortable at how her words trigger something you haven’t acknowledged before and you’re certainly not ready to do so now.

You shrug. “I guess I don’t know what to say…” you choose to say instead, hoping it’s enough of an excuse to get out of this conversation.

“What do you mean? You never had a problem with that before…” she counters, genuinely confused at your bizarre behaviour and you press your lips in a tight line as you shrug once more, not really knowing how to address that.

At your hesitation to breach the subject, something seems to click in Ana’s mind and she sighs in realization.

“Can I tell you what I think without you getting all grumpy and defensive?” she asks, eyes careful and hands in the air as if to pacify you. You shrug again, albeit a bit curious about what she has to say.

“I don’t think you really like Seokjin- ah, ah! Let me finish!” she shushes you when you begin protesting, “I mean not anymore, it was pretty obvious you were crazy into him when I first met you but now…” she takes a breath, eyes looking at you wearily as she prepares for the finishing blow, “now I think you cling into the idea of liking him because it’s comfortable. Because it’s easier to fall back into the safety net of liking someone and not doing anything about it than making yourself deal with the fear and uncertainty that comes with meeting someone new.”

Your cheeks flush as you stare at her, feeling vulnerable as if someone cut you open and went through your most inner thoughts, even when you feel like there’s something else that neither you nor she hasn’t been able to pinpoint.

Ana’s observation finally put what you’ve been feeling for a while into words. You haven’t realized it but the more you think about it, the more sense it makes.

And yet you still stubbornly act like it’s not the case at all.

“I… I’m not afraid to meet new people…” your protest is as weak as your voice and Ana looks at you unimpressed and thoroughly unconvinced.

“Really? Then you’ll have no problem talking to Seokjin’s friend from high school,” she points at the tall, blond hunk with the glasses and the cute dimples currently chatting with Seokjin.

“Namjoon?! Are you nuts?! He’s way out of my league!” you screech in panic. Namjoon is a sight to be held and in your opinion, people should pay to see him up close. Would that be considered a fucked up way of prostitution? You’re not sure.

Ana rolls her eyes. “First of all, “leagues” aren’t a thing and second of all, you’re totally scared boo!” she says plainly with a victorious grin and you flinch instinctively.

“I’m not! I just don’t have time for a relationship!” you say, still trying to get out of this conversation even though Ana doesn’t seem at all deterred.

“No one talked about a relationship, you baboon, it could be just sex. But, out of simple curiosity, how long has it been since you had sex? Seven, eight months?” she retaliates, in all ways but physical backing you up into a corner.

You groan, hiding your flaming face behind your hands.

“This is the perfect opportunity to hook up with someone and never having to talk to them again for the rest of your life. No strings attached, no awkward first dates, no phone calls. Just one night of drunken sex to get you to relax a bit and who knows? Maybe it’ll help you get your inspiration back,” she concludes with a tilt of her head. And the more you think about it, the more you realize she’s right about everything. About Seokjin, about using him as a distraction, about needing to relax and this being the perfect opportunity for it. It’s been a while since you’ve felt any sort of attraction for Seokjin. No excitement or accelerated heartbeat, no sweaty hands, no unbearable giddiness when he decides to throw a visit.

You guess somewhere along the way those feelings faded out, giving place to the love and comfort that comes out of a years-long friendship. You’re not attracted to him anymore.

And Ana’s suggestion does seem kind of appealing. You suppose some sex would help you get rid of all the nerves that come with writing a book.

And Namjoon is kinda hot. Okay, scratch “kinda”, “unbearably hot” is more fitting.

You just worry if he’ll able to surpass the last time you had sex. For some reason, you’re almost convinced he won’t.

“Okay, you’re right, I’ll do it,” at that Ana squeals and claps her hands happily.

“But I have to talk to Seokjin first,” you continue, resulting in a confused expression masking Ana’s face.

“What? Why?”

You shrug. “I spent those four years crushing on him, I feel like I need some kind of closure,” you chuckle and Ana stares at you dumbfounded before she shakes her head.

“Fine, do what you have to, but don’t take too long! Namjoon is like a walking modelling billboard, most of the people in this party have their eyes on him. Boy, if I wasn’t dating Hoseok would we be doing things right now…” she reveals as she stares at the man in question while biting her lip and you stare at her disapprovingly.

“What? I said if,” she says as if abdicating all blame and you shake your head at her with a laugh. Hoseok wouldn’t mind and to be honest they’d probably be talking about how to convince Namjoon for a threesome.

“Okay, I’m going, wish me luck,” you announce as you begin making your way towards Seokjin.

“What you need is alcohol, not luck,” Ana yells at you as she goes to find her boyfriend and you give her one last smile before turning your attention to the birthday boy.

Only now realizing what you’re about to do and, great, your hands are trembling. Maybe you did need some alcohol.

But it’s too late to make a run for it when Seokjin spots you and a smile graces his lips.

“Y/N! Come over here! You know Namjoon right?” he rushes to include you into the conversation, eyes wide with hidden meaning as he nudges you towards Namjoon and the man with the dimples smiles at you.

“Ah, yeah, we’ve met before. How are you?” you smile back at him and the longer he smiles, the deeper his dimples become and the more adorable he is.

“Can’t complain. How about you?” he chuckles, the sound almost illegal, as he pushes his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. Oh, right, he also has a deep and mellifluous voice. How is this man not famous for something?

“Pretty well I’d say. Um, do you mind if I steal the birthday boy for a bit? There’s something I need to talk to him about…” your hand is already dragging a confused Seokjin away, even if you’d rather be doing that to the other boy.

Namjoon blinks at you, as perplexed as Seokjin before “Ah, yeah, sure…”

“Thanks!” you yell over the music, although you’re sure the man mustn’t have heard you as you’re already making your way down the corridor towards the back of Seokjin’s apartment.

“Ugh, Y/N? What’s going on?” Seokjin’s voice is beyond weirded out as you finally reach his bedroom, that’s off-limits for the party. You push him in and close the door behind you.

“Sorry, I just needed some privacy for what I’m about to do…” you admit with shaking hands as Seokjin’s eyes widen in fear and confusion.

You take a breath before fixing your posture and stare bravely at the man in front of you. “This may come as a shock to you but I…” you take one final breath, “I used to like you-” you begin, dreading the moment Seokjin decides this is too odd for him.

“I know.”

Seokjin’s voice takes you by surprise as your mind processes the words that just left his mouth, a different kind of dread overwhelming you.

He knows?

“What? What do you mean you know?” your voice comes out offended, as Seokjin puts down his drink with a sigh and turns to look at you.

“I mean I know. You weren’t exactly subtle with the stares and all…” he comments calmly although your mouth falls open to join your feet at the ground at the absurdity of the situation.

He knows. All this time, he knew?!

“Well, why didn’t you say something?” you throw the words at him accusingly and he rolls his eyes.

“I didn’t want to embarrass you! I figured since you hadn’t said anything that you didn’t want to act on it so I never said anything either!” he defends himself, voice high-pitched in true Seokjin fashion.

“Oh my god, that’s so embarras- Wait,” you cut yourself when his words strike you as odd and another thought makes itself known in your mind. “You mean that if I had said something…?” you look at him weirdly and Seokjin sighs, eyes already confirming your suspicions.

“I might… not have said no to a date…” he admits, scratching his ears and your mouth drops open.

You could have dated the Kim Seokjin and you didn’t because you were too scared to make a move?

Wow, your past-self would be seriously pissed at you.

Seokjin rushed to explain. “But that was back then when I didn’t know you that well!”

You gasp at the offence, crossing your arms on your chest. “You mean now that you do know me, I'm not that dateable, Kim Seokjin?!”

He groans, rubbing a palm over his face. “I just meant that back then I was willing to risk our friendship because we weren’t that close in the first place! But now we’ve been friends for almost half a decade and even though you are extremely dateable” he says with a roll of his eyes but you’re still satisfied, “I just can’t see you in that way. And even if I did I wouldn’t be willing to risk our friendship over something like that,” he concludes with a sigh.

“Oh,” you reply simply, satisfied with his answer before you continue.

“Well, that’s good actually, because I just wanted to tell you that whatever those feelings were… they’re gone now. So I just… wanted to come clean I guess…” you admit softly, finally feeling like a weight has been lifted off your chest.

“So, we’re okay?” Seokjin asks with hope and you smile, lightly punching his arm. You find yourself relieved after Seokjin’s confession and you know you’ll be fine.

“We’re okay,” you nod and Seokjin smiles back.

“That punch was lame,” he retorts and you gasp. “Do you want me to punch you for real, you masochist?”

His smile widens. “No, you freak of nature, I want a hug!”

Immediately, you begin protesting. “No, no, no, no, no. No hugs, you know this!” you begin moving away from him as he comes closer with a predatory grin. You absolutely hate hugs. They’re unnecessary long and intimate, you never know where to put your hands and you always end up having someone’s hair in your mouth.

Seokjin pouts as he nearly chases you into the hallway. “Come on, I just found out I’m not your crush anymore! Do you know how much of a hit is that to my ego!?” he says, standing in front of you, effectively blocking your way to freedom.

You sigh, already regretting, the words you’re about to say but seeing no other way out.

“Fine, but you have to promise me to not tell anyone! I have a reputation to upkeep!” you yield, shaking a threatening finger at him but his grin only grows bigger.

“Deal!” he squeals, eager to grasp this rare chance of affection from you, seeing as he has tried numerous times to get a hug from you but being unsuccessful. Till now that is.

His hands wrap around you in a soul and bone-crushing hug as your arms end up being squished between your bodies. You try to control the smile on your lips as you struggle to break your arms free and wrap them around his impossibly wide shoulders. Actually, this doesn’t feel so bad. It feels like being enveloped in a giant, fuzzy blanket. If that blanket had an unquenchable thirst for strawberry shortcakes.

A few moments pass before you begin to pull back. “Okay, you giant carebear, that’s enough,” you giggle as Seokjin retracts his hands.

“Now, wasn’t that refreshing?”

“If I let you know, I’ll have to kill you,” you mumble fixing your clothes and Seokjin’s trademark laugh echoes throughout the corridor, making your smile grow.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he throws you a cheeky wink.

You shake your head at him with a laugh before another thought crosses your mind and you bite your lip. “So… about Namjoon…”

Seokjin’s mind instantly follows your train of thought but he lets out a surprising -to say the least- groan. “Seriously?”

You find his reaction a bit too odd for your liking. “Why?”

“Uhm, you dragged me away to my bedroom at my own birthday party. He probably thinks we jumping uglies right now,” he fixes you with a disappointed stare. Fuck, you didn’t think of that.

You grunt in frustration. “Great, now what?”

Seokjin’s eyes glint when he comes up with yet another brilliant idea. “If we split we’ll find him faster!” he exclaims enthusiastically and your eyes widen.

“Genius thinking!” you declare before you sprint down the hallway, the both of you looking for Namjoon.

.

.

You would think it would be easy finding Namjoon in an apartment as small as Seokjin’s. But it’s not. It’s anything but.

When you finally do find him after almost 40 minutes looking for his perfect ass, it’s with his mouth stuck against another person’s neck so any hopes for a one-night-stand are going down the drain. So instead you resort to drinking the rest of Seokjin’s sparkling rosé collection until you have to pee your weight in alcohol.

You abandon the living room where the party is still going strong, in search of the holy grail that is Seokjin’s bathroom right now, hoping you get to relieve your misery.

But as you approach the door, you fail to register the voices coming from inside. Maybe then you wouldn’t have to live through the impending embarrassment.

Instead, you bust the door open in your haste to pee, but all of that goes to shit once you see Jimin inside the bathroom. Or, more precisely, Jimin’s mouth sucking on the pulse of some blonde’s girl neck -who feels oddly familiar- like he’s a fucking vampire.

Your eyes widen, meeting with fear Jimin’s livid ones before “OhmygodImsorrypretendthisneverhappened!” you yell in one breath, anxious to get out of there as fast as possible and before Jimin gets the chance to curse at you, you close the door and disappear down the hallway.

Ugh, oh my god, why are you so awkward?

You rub your hands on your face as you walk down the corridor, wondering where you’re supposed to pee now. Couldn’t they bone at Seokjin’s room? 

Though, among your thoughts emerges one particular one that makes you stop dead in your tracks as you finally realize why that girl seemed familiar.

She wasn’t just some random girl. No, she was a very specific blonde girl, one that happens to be the pure personification of evil on the face of the earth, one that you’re sure hides horns beneath that perfect hair.

Jimin’s ex, the girl who manipulated and abused him repeatedly, the girl who broke up with him nearly a year ago to be with someone else, after he caught her cheating. The girl who broke his heart.

Dinah.

Fuck.

.

.

You remember the first time you met Dinah, although she hadn’t left any particular impression on you. She was a high school friend of Taehyung, with whom Seokjin shared some classes with and were kinda close. It was your fourth year in college when Taehyung was still hanging with you guys before he found a job opportunity overseas and left. Now he texts every now and then or visits even more rarely.

Seokjin’s birthday party is one of those rare visits, hence why Dinah was also present last night.

The first time you met her, almost two years ago, was in a scheduled study group in one of the local cafes. It was you, Seokjin, Jimin, Taehyung, Hoseok and Dinah, most of the guys, studying to prepare for their last year through college and Ana couldn’t make it so honestly, you were relieved you had another girl to go through together the boys’ antics.

Although if Ana was there, she would’ve probably spent all of her time being coupley with Hoseok and that kinda defeats the purpose.

Dinah was studying for a math exam and Jimin had offered to help her since she wasn’t very good at it. You didn’t think much of it, mind already going haywire over your new novel idea so you didn’t really pay much attention to anyone.

It had been when Jimin left for the bathroom when you saw her scrolling through her phone that you decided to help her with a problem even Jimin couldn’t quite get.

Only her reaction was a tad bit different then what you’d expected. She had interrupted you even before you got to tell her you wanted to help, with a kinda sharp tone saying she didn’t need your help. You had backed off then, kinda bummed out about it but you could already tell she was into Jimin and wanted his help specifically.

But as you had turned to pay attention back to your novel, your gaze couldn’t help but fall on her open notebook. And there it was, in a hidden corner of the page in messy scribblings the solution to the problem. Her handwriting.

You didn’t think much of it. It wasn’t your cup of tea to hide your intellect to raise the ego of the boy you were into and besides feeling a bit sad for her, you didn’t do anything else. Who were you to judge?

It wasn’t until the two of them started going out that you started feeling some sort of dislike towards her. And not just you, the rest of the group as well.

It was obvious to everyone how shitty she treated Jimin. At first, of course, there were no signs as if to warn you of Dinah's manipulative nature, they were still in the lovey-dovey, honeymoon phase. But as time passed, Dinah’s facade began to crumble. Jimin’s interaction with the opposite sex were limited due to Dinah’s extreme jealousy, which meant you and Ana barely got to be around him, let alone talk to him. Her snide comments and judgey behaviour made him feel inadequate over everything. How he got her the wrong gift, how the movie he chose was stupid, how the restaurant he picked was disgusting, and the list goes on and on.

At first, Jimin tried to talk to her about those things, certain she would understand what she was doing once he’d brought it up. But when you’re in love it’s easier to ignore all the red flags. It’s easier to blame yourself for everything when you can see no fault in the person you’re in love with.

Soon the relationship turned toxic. Dinah became similar to a parasite, sucking the life and happiness out of Jimin, as he fell prey to her every whim. Making him even more insecure in himself when she knew he already had some issues he was trying to work on. But that didn’t deter her. Instead, it gave her leverage, to use all the ugly, little things Jimin thought of himself against him.

At some point, it had gotten so bad Jimin refused to eat.

It was then that all of you tried to intervene.

Unsuccessfully that is.

It had gotten pretty ugly in the span of a few minutes with how angry you and Hoseok were at Dinah and at Jimin’s unwavering loyalty to her. Soon it had become a yelling match between the three of you as Seokjin and Ana had tried to bring some sense to all of you. In retrospect, none of you handled the delicate situation well.

In the end, Jimin had stormed out of the apartment, furious at all four of you, to go to Dinah or to the only one that got him as he had put it.

Only to find her in bed with someone else.

He had come home hours later, stinking of alcohol, telling you what had happened through red eyes, tear-stained cheeks and hiccups.

You had put him to sleep and the next morning Dinah was breaking up with him over the phone.

The next few months were awful. But he survived them. He survived and realised he deserved better, not this hell Dinah made him go through. That wasn’t love.

After all of you encouraged him to talk to someone about everything, Jimin went to a therapist and he came out stronger. Sure, some of the issues were still there but so were the rest of you. He knew you’d be there for him if he ever needed you.

That’s why you’re so pissed this morning.

Ana and Hoseok look at you like you’re a ticking bomb about to explode at any minute from the other side of the kitchen island as you munch on your cereal and send death glares at Dinah, currently sitting on Jimin’s lap on the dining table.

If only “death glare” was a bit more literal.

You can’t understand Jimin. He was supposed to be over this. Doesn’t he remember what she did to him, how miserable he was?

“I haven’t seen you staring so long at something since that time you tried to microwave popcorn with your mind,” Ana’s hushed whispers reach you as not to alert the couple and Hoseok almost sputters out his milk.

“Did it work, though?” Hoseok’s eyes stare at her expectantly and you roll your eyes.

“Not gonna dignify that with a response,” is her cryptic answer.

“Seriously, am I the only one who’s pissed over this?” you say through gritted teeth, the happy couple wholly oblivious to your little conversation. Ana and Hoseok seem too calm, given you have a fucking demon at your dining table.

Ana sighs. “We are too, Y/N, but let’s face it, what can we do about it?”

You look at her in disbelief. “Talk to him?!”

“Yeah, and look at how that worked out last time…”

“They broke up.”

“After he caught her cheating…” her words are slow as if talking to a child, “and it wasn’t even him who initiated the break-up! If Jimin wants to be with her we just have to accept it and be there for him if something happens again,” she concludes, taking a sip of her coffee and you can’t believe your ears. She can’t be serious.

“Hoseok, what’s your say in this?” you ask, rather loudly might you add, so you steal a glance making sure Jimin hasn’t heard.

Hoseok shrugs in answer to your question. “We all know she was the devil incarnate. But maybe she changed. Let’s give her a chance.”

Your mouth hangs open when your last possible ally walks over to enemy territory. “Give her a chance? She’s not Andrew Garfield in the Amazing Spiderman!”

Ana’s expression gives away her utter bafflement. “I have so many questions…”

You shrug. “Everyone hates him but I think he was a great Spiderman.”

Hoseok’s incredulous stare doesn’t last for long. “Anyways, all I’m saying is Jimin went through a lot…”

“So he should know better!” you retort.

Hoseok doesn’t seem amused, “So there must be something that changed his mind! He’s a big boy, he can take care of himself. If he gave her a second chance, so should we.”

Ana nods at her boyfriend’s words and they both return their eyes on you, waiting for confirmation of your part that you’re gonna be nice.

You regard them with an ominous glare, “Traitors…” you mumble before you groan. “Fine. But I’m gonna be watching her every move. Like an owl!”

“I’m fairly positive it’s supposed to be “like a hawk”...?” a confused pout takes over Hoseok’s lips.

Ana chuckles, “It is “like a hawk”.”

Your confusion is evident. “Really? But owls are nocturnal animals, therefore have better eyesight!”

Ana rolls her eyes at you, tired of all the bird talk. “Even so! Please promise you’ll behave!”

You take a deep breath when a shrill laugh echoes throughout the apartment and you can already feel yourself fuming.

“I promise.”

.

.

After the two “lovebirds” have left your apartment for an impromptu date, which the declaration of had you nearly barfing on sight, you crawled back into your room, in search of inspiration, daring to take another shot at your mostly unfinished novel.

You gather your hair up in a messy bun, glasses on top of your nose, iced coffee next to your papers, preparations all ready to freely embark on the raging seas of creativity.

If writing a novel was that easy.

After writing another three chapters, well after the sun has settled in the horizon and your eyes are barely keeping themselves open, a knock thrums against your door. But before you get to reply, the door creaks open and Ana pops up behind it, walking in with observing eyes and a bag of cheddar-flavoured chips.

“Why do you even bother knocking?” you sigh, taking off your glasses to rub your exhausted eyes.

“The knock is a warning, not a request for entry,” she plops on your bed with a smile, crossing her legs on your duvet and pats the space next to her. 

It’s not uncommon to have Ana spending the entire day here, after all, she is one of your closest friends, an elementary part of your group and Hoseok’s girlfriend.

You get up from your desk, limbs aching for the various positions your body has been in the midst of writing, and with a tired smile you sit down next to her.

“No luck with the book still?” she asks, passing you the chips and you hum appreciatively, your tongue already tasting the divine taste of those chips.

“Well, I’ve written some stuff… just not any particularly good stuff,” you munch through the snack with a grubbled noise of satisfaction and Ana nods in understanding at your words, “and honestly that whole “Dinah” thing is infuriatingly distracting! I’m still pissed and I can’t even stop thinking about it.”

“Wait…” Ana interrupts you and if her face says anything is that she just came to a sudden realization. One she doesn’t seem to particularly enjoy.

“Are you sure this isn’t because of…?” her words hang in the air as she regards you with careful eyes, waiting for you to grasp the meaning between her words.

Though you’re none the wiser. “Because of…?” your utter obliviousness is infuriating and Ana groans, rubbing her palms on her face, pinning you with a ridiculous look.

Right then, it’s as if a moment of clarity strikes you and you finally understand what she means.

Your eyes widen in horror.

“What? Ew, no! Why would you even think that?!” you immediately protest, entirely disgusted by the mere notion of what Ana is implying.

She doesn’t seem at all bothered by your extreme reaction. “I’m just saying, it happened!”

“Yeah, eight months ago!” she can’t be serious. There’s no way she actually believes that.

She cocks an eyebrow. “It was also the last time you had sex.”

You let an exhale drop from your lips, as you take a trip down memory lane, all the way back to eight months ago.

It was April, four months or so after Dinah had broken up with Jimin, leaving him a complete wreckage in her absence. It became a group activity, trying to get Jimin back on his feet. Making sure he ate, taking him outside for some fresh air, helping him get out of his funk.

One night, you took him out for drinks in a bar close to home, to help him get over her through alcohol and hopefully some meaningless sex with a stranger. And Although both of those things happened, it wasn’t a stranger lending him a helping hand that night. Or a helping mouth if you want to be accurate.

You had woken up the next morning in his bed due to the unsettling feeling of dread curling in the pit of your stomach. What the hell were you thinking? What if this changed everything? You were best friends and roommates, what now?

But when Jimin woke up, everything seemed to be back to normal. You were relieved things didn’t become weird, his words immediately putting a rest to your worries over your possibly ruined friendship, joking lightly about the whole thing and how the others might react to the whole incident. It wasn’t a big deal because you never let it become one. It was but one night of mindless sex, one that left you both satiated and you could both agree it meant nothing. Jimin just needed some rebound sex and you… well, it had been a while. And you had needs.

Although you did get a lot of teasing from the rest of the group for the next few weeks. That wasn’t anything fond to remember, especially when you were still thinking you were into Seokjin and he had a large part in said teasing.

But that was in the past. You never felt anything for Jimin in the first place.

“It’s not that, okay? She’s just an awful person and I don’t want to even think about the consequences of her doing Jimin dirty again,” your calm voice and demeanour finally convince Ana as she lets out a relieved breath.

“Okay, good. Got scared there for a second, things could get really messy,” she admits with a small smile.

“You don’t have to worry about that. If anything that’s the least of your worries right now,” you say munching on some more chips as you eye the clock on your wall.

Ana looks at you perplexed. “What do you mean?”

You press your lips together. “Hoseok is alone in his room right?”

Ana looks even more baffled now, not sure where you’re going with this. “Yeah…?”

You press your lips in a tight line. “It’s 10 o’clock…” you relay, a sense of urgency in your voice.

Ana’s eyes widen. Hoseok’s latest obsession is watching Glee reruns on TV, which wouldn’t be that bad if he didn’t insist on singing every episode’s songs for the remainder of the week.

‘You can still stop him if you run…” you offer and Ana is immediately off your bed.

“Hoseok put down the remote!” she yells, running out of your room, down into the living room as you giggle and munch on the chips she left behind.

Your mind travels back to Ana’s worries about your feelings but you laugh them off.

You and Jimin? The entire idea is utterly ridiculous. He’s your best friend, you could never look at him that way.

Although, you too can admit he can be a sexy piece of ass when he wants to.

With a sigh, you throw the empty bag of chips on the floor and get under your covers, your mind too tired out to continue writing.

You just hope this thing with Dinah is only temporary. How long can a fling last when you already know the bad side of your lover?

.

.

When another week passes and they’re still going strong with no prospects of a breakup anywhere on the horizon, you realize it can be long.

Very long.

You wake up each day to giggles, picking thrown out clothes off the couch, listening to their yucky canoodling as they insist on making out on every surface of the apartment like a bunch of delinquents. While the rest of you are still present!

You swear if you hear another one of her obnoxious laughs you’re gonna drive a glass dildo through your ear canals to stop yourself from hearing altogether.

“I can’t take this anymooooore…” Hoseok whines quietly as you, he and Seokjin are crammed in the two-seat couch, while the lovebirds currently occupy the entirety of the big sofa.

It’s not that there’s no space for you to sit there as well. More like their insistent snogging effectively grosses the rest of you away.

“Me neither, but what can we do?” Seokjin whispers back while shuffling on the sofa, trying to find a more comfortable position and instead, managing to elbow both you and Hoseok in the process as an episode of Brooklyn 99 plays on the TV.

At the other side of the coffee table, Ana smiles triumphantly at you as she crosses her legs on top of the only armchair in the room. She was faster than the rest of you, that mean son of a bitch.

Hoseok squints at her with hatred before leaning in to whisper. “Is it wrong that I’m turned on by how mean she looks?”

Both yours and Seokjin’s protests of disgust are immediate.

“Lower the tent you perv,” Seokjin makes a face.

“Too late, this tent is the sturdiest thing ever built. I mean it’s so strong, so efficient, this stick is never gonna go down-”

“Okay, we have to do something or else I’m gonna finally kill Hoseok. After all those years of putting up with his weird sexual energy… this is gonna be the last straw,” your serious eyes turn to Seokjin to stress out the gravity of the situation.

Hoseok giggles mischievously and Seokjin sighs almost like he’s on auto-pilot. “Okay, okay, what do you propose?”

Hoseok pulls a face. “Really? That’s what convinces you? I’m hurt and as your friend of nearly four years I won’t stand for this kind of dishonour of my name!”

You both stare at Hoseok for a minute, no reaction whatsoever.

“Okay, I have a plan,” you ignore Hoseok in favour of turning to Seokjin and Hoseok groans, mumbling a grumpy “fake friends”.

“For the last time, Y/N, I refuse to be involved in your -honestly frightening- lust for murder,” Seokjin gives you the stink eye.

You gasp, offended. “I never said anything about murder!” you exclaim and Seokjin’s shoulders drop, looking somewhat remorseful.

You bite your lip though, knowing full well he’s not gonna like this suggestion either. “I just said we could sedate her and put her in Jimin's room.”

Seokjin rolls his eyes, entirely disappointed but not surprised. “No.”

“Why? It’s a win-win situation! We don’t get to hear her and the couch is free!” you protest but Seokjin’s eyebrow raises.

“How’s that a win-win situation?”

“It’s a win-win situation for us! None of the wins is for her,” you shrug before Seokjin flicks you in the forehead and you yelp in pain.

The sound somehow alerts the couple and they both stop kissing to look over to the three of you weirdly. You and the boys immediately stop talking, trying to look as inconspicuous as ever. Which only makes you look even more suspicious.

“You guys okay there?” Jimin asks, voice questioning and wary.

All three of you smile at the same time, which honestly gives you a creepy “Stepford Wives” vibe, and you speak up when an idea pops into your head.

“Yeah, it’s just that this couch is kinda um… small for the three of us. But we’re fine!” you feel Seokjin staring at you wildly and you discreetly nudge him to play along.

Jimin’s face falls. “Oh, I didn’t realize! Some of you can come sit here.”

“Oh, no!” Seokjin waves his hands dismissively, “You guys seem really cosy there, we don’t want to ruin that!” he says, finally following your line of thought and you nod quickly as if to agree with him.

“Ah…” Jimin replies, voice soft and a second passes where his face hardens. But then it’s gone and he taps his finger on his chin as he thinks it through before-, “Well, you three can sit here and we can sit on the smaller couch if you’d like.”

The three of you are already standing up, ignoring the pout and slightly sharp glare Dinah is giving you.

Suck it up, demoness.

“Well, if you’re sure-”

“We’d really appreciate it-”

“Aren’t you two the sweetest-”

Jimin smiles at you, probably already knowing what’s going on and yet he says nothing, urging Dinah to stand up and follow him on the smaller sofa.

You and the boys fall to the bigger sofa with moans of appreciation, finally free to spread out your limbs without touching each other.

“Oh, yeah… that’s the stuff…” you moan as your arms lie limblessly to your side, not touching Hoseok’s or Seokjin’s for just a few centimetres but even those little centimetres of distance come as a blessing.

Ana chuckles at your antics and Seokjin sends her a glare.

“You don’t have laughing-at-the-rest-of-us rights, anymore, Brutus!” he shakes a finger at her but Ana’s smile doesn’t deteriorate.

“I’d let that Brutus impale me with her blade anytime…” Hoseok adds unnecessarily and you groan.

Jimin takes a pause for having his soul sucked from his mouth from the dementor next to him, to look mildly curious. “How would that even work?” he asks and Dinah looks less than thrilled to not have his whole attention anymore, making you feel somewhat in the mood to gloat.

Ana rushes to explain. “Well, you see it can happen when you have purchased a specific type of-”

Seokjin immediately shuts Ana with his palm over her mouth. “Did you have to ask?!”

Jimin giggles. “I just wanted to know!”

“Yeah, and I wanted to not be traumatized by that image at 8 o’clock on a Thursday night but here we are!” Seokjin interjects and an involuntary laugh escapes your lips before Hoseok joins you.

And then Ana and Jimin do too before Seokjin relents as well at the sound of your laughter and you all end up cackling like maniacs in the middle of your living room.

Well, all except one.

Dinah sighs a little too loud when your giggles don’t seem to die down and she slowly gets off the couch. Her sullen face, an indication she visualised this whole evening to play out a little differently.

“I think I’m gonna head home…” She addresses Jimin and he stands up too.

“Oh, no, so soon?” your sarcasm can’t be helped. Hoseok elbows you in the ribs in return and you just barely conceal your groan.

“Why? Stay a little while longer…” Jimin pouts at her, that one specific pout that makes him seem like a kicked puppy, therefore makes him irresistible to refuse. You purse your lips as you guide your attention to the latest adventures of Jake Peralta but your treacherous ears can’t help but follow the rest of the conversation.

“I can’t. I have to be at the office early tomorrow…” she sounds remorseful as her hands rest on Jimin’s chest. But as said before you’re definitely not looking at them, so you can only guess.

“I’m sure those kids can wait a little- You know what, I felt bad for saying that, so forget I ever did,” Jimin says quickly as he circles his hands around her waist. Again you guess.

Ah, yeah, you forgot to mention. Dinah is a damn paediatrician. How could a person as evil as herself be something in such close proximity to children will forever escape you.

She smiles at him before- “Buut… you can come over instead if you’d like…” she says in a low voice and your eyes widen. You drag them away before Jimin’s surprised ones find you.

He can’t do that! Well, obviously, he can but Jimin wouldn’t do that to you-.

“Actually I promised Y/N we’d watch Space Jam tonight…” he tells her somewhat apologetically but still you feel relieved. Watching Space Jam is kind of a tradition between the two of you. It was a favourite movie of both, a feel-good movie if you will and long ago you’d promised each other that when things got rough for one or the other and you needed a little pick-me-up, you’d watch the movie together. You didn’t have to say anything else, just ask if the other one wanted to see the movie. And whatever the two of you had planned instead didn’t matter, you were always there when the other needed you.

You asked him this time. Your novel wasn’t going that well and some serious doubts over your writing skills had plagued your mind. You needed a getaway. And you weren’t about to let her get that away from you.

“Oh… okay…” she responds, face crestfallen and sad eyes looking at her feet and you almost scowl. She’s doing this on purpose! She knows it’s a tradition between the two of you and by acting like this she hopes Jimin will bail out on you.

Well, joke’s on her, because that won’t work on-.

“But, I’m sure Y/N won’t mind if we do that some other time!”

You freeze. Did he just-? No, Jimin wouldn’t. But the smile on his lips, so hopeful, says otherwise.

You can feel everyone staring at you, waiting for an answer. Do they seriously expect you to be fine with this?! Jimin knows how much this means to you, what it exactly means about your state of mind right now! Is he seriously about to blow you off?!

Ana is staring at you with alarm, sensing you’re about to explode, warning you against it. She knows it’ll just hurt Jimin and you know that too, but what about you?

You ignore her stare, opening your mouth to give a piece of your mind when you meet Jimin’s eyes.

There’s no sign of ulterior motives in their familiar brown, just expectation as your best friend waits for the answer. You forget what you wanted to say and you just stare back. Why is it so damn difficult to say no to him?

A few seconds pass and Jimin, having sensed your hesitation, opens his mouth with a sigh. “Nevermind, we can just-”

“It’s fine! You can go!” you exclaim surprising everyone including yourself. Jimin turns to look at you flabbergasted but you just smile at him. You don’t know what drove you to do that. You just couldn’t bear to hear the disappointment in his voice while knowing you’re the one causing it.

“Are you sure…?” his voice is cautious, not wanting to go if it means it’ll get you even a little bit uncomfortable. Sweet Jimin, always thinking about others’ feelings. You smile again to spare his feelings, disregarding completely your own.

“Yeah, go ahead,” you reply and the sweetest smile takes over his lips, making all of this seem worth it.

“Great! Thank you!” he says, rushing to press a quick kiss to your forehead, taking you by surprise before turning to Dinah, “Just lemme grab some stuff,” he disappears down the hall into his room.

He reappears a few minutes later with a small bag over his shoulders, the smile still present on his lips.

“Ready to go?” Dinah asks as Jimin gives her a peck on the cheek and nods.

“See you tomorrow, guys. Y/N, again thank you,” he waves at all of you and flashes you a smile. You smile back, waving as well as he exits the apartment first.

Dinah though stops before walking out the door and then she turns to you with a grateful smile.

“Y/N, thanks for that, I knew he wasn’t gonna come if you weren’t okay with it. And I’m sorry for stealing him away. Have a good night,” she addresses you before moving to exit the apartment.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re welcome…” you reply and as soon as the door closes behind her you continue, “...you little bitch!” you move wildly to get out of the couch after her at that blatant display of her having Jimin wrapped around her little finger, while Hoseok and Seokjin are immediately trying to hold you back.

She did that on purpose! She knew what that movie represented, she just wanted to spite you! You don’t care how sincere she looked, she did that on purpose!

“Hey, hey, calm down, they’re gone!” Ana steps in front of you to calm you down and slowly your breaths even out. Your tired limbs fall lifelessly on the couch, not anymore resisting Hoseok’s and Seokjin’s hold.

Once you’ve calmed down, all of them stare at you cautiously. You hate that. You hate the pity in their eyes, you hate how they know exactly how much this hurts you, you hate feeling like you need their help.

You hate feeling vulnerable.

“I’m fine,” you snap, shaking their arms off, even if your own still have a slight tremble and you stand up.

They exchange stares and you press your lips together as you stare at the ceiling. Taking a deliberately slow breath to control your trembling.

“I’m going to bed,” you announce, your tone final, not waiting to hear their responses before you leave the living room for the safety of your own room.

None of them makes an attempt to follow you and you’re grateful for that at least.

You stomp into your room, closing the door loudly before grabbing your laptop and sit on your bed with a huff.

You don’t need Jimin to watch Space Jam and feel good afterwards! It’s the movie that makes you feel okay, not the person you’re watching it with. That’s what you try to convince yourself as you search for the movie on Netflix.

But as you sit there fuming through the first few minutes of the film, you can’t concentrate. You feel pushed aside as if you don’t matter, from none other than your best friend.

You press pause and with a sigh, you push the laptop aside. Tonight wasn’t supposed to go like this. You were supposed to watch your favourite movie with your best friend, to make jokes and laugh with Bugs Bunny, to feel better for once in the entirety of the last month. To feel comforted and safe in the presence of your best friend instead of moping miserably on top of your bed and feeling worse than before.

Instead, you grab your phone from your nightstand, scrolling through media in a poor attempt to distract yourself.

That’s how you spend your Thursday night and before you realize it you fall asleep with your phone still on your hands.

.

.

“Y/N. Y/N, wake up…” a soft voice brings you back from your slumber and you sleepily open your eyes to see Jimin hunched over you with a small, tender smile.

“What… What time is it?” you mumble, rubbing at your eyes and Jimin’s smile widens ever so slightly.

“It’s twelve past one. Come on get up, you’ll be dying in the morning if you sleep like this…” he responds quietly, urging you to abandon your current sleeping position for one that is more comfortable under the warmth of your covers. You’ve been curled up like a cat next to your laptop that’s still paused on Space Jam.

Jimin’s careful eyes flee to the screen, only for a second before they return to you, ever so gentle.

“Oh, okay then…” you mumble kinda dumbly in your sleep-infused haze and Jimin looks at you expectantly for a moment too long before he pushes you further across the mattress, to leave what you belatedly realize is more space for him.

“Scout over…” he whines, voice still quiet and you look at him perplexed. Why does he wanna sleep here, he has his own bed.

“Why?” you ask, purely confused and not at all hurt by the previous incident as Jimin expected but nonetheless his smile saddens before he stares shyly at your duvet.

“I was thinking, perhaps, we could still see the movie if you’re not too tired…” he mumbles, eyes wide effectively nailing the “puppy stare” he’s infamous for and naturally you find resolve crumbling. The previous anger is long gone when you stare at him so you smile back as you move aside and draw the covers for him to get under.

“Get here, you rascal,” you whisper back and his smile matches yours when he obeys and climbs in, dragging the laptop forward to restart the movie.

The both of you get comfortable against your headboard, Jimin’s arm hanging loosely around your shoulders as you watch Michael Jordan get sucked down a golf hole to the Looney Tune’s world.

The truth is you’re extremely tired and you most probably will fall asleep during the movie but you don’t mind sitting next to Jimin as the movie plays in the background and you bask in his warmth. Because at last, you feel the raging sea of your thoughts subside. Your mind is once again calm and serene, all your worries thrown aside in the favor of this one moment that makes you feel content. 

Ana’s warning faintly echoes through your head but the words are not enough to dampen your mood or make you spend a little more of your focus on them, even though Jimin’s arms feel safe. Feel like home.

A small smile stretches your lips. Even when you feel your eyes heavy with sleep, you still snuggle closer to your best friend.

.

.

{Jimin’s POV}

He’s a terrible, terrible friend.

The thought repeats inside the crevices of Jimin’s mind like mockery as he drives. His fingers tap against the leather of the steering wheel impatiently, matching his haywire of thoughts in a weird kind of fucked up way.

He shouldn’t have left. He shouldn’t have made the subtle request in the first place. He knew you needed him, how could he not? It was stupid and selfish of him to leave you behind when you needed him.

But when Dinah gave him a distraction, a way to keep himself occupied… that’s what he wanted. Right? A distraction from everything, something to keep his mind off of things, to keep him from making any mistakes.

But even as he was lying on Dinah’s couch he couldn’t stop thinking about you. About how he left you behind in a time he knew was difficult for you just so he can finally breathe freely, focus on something else other than-.

Dinah was good at that. Making him forget.

But as awful of a friend he was, he’s apparently an even worse boyfriend.

When his thoughts got too much to handle, too much for him to ignore and pretend he didn’t feel any remorse for abandoning you, he left Dinah’s with an excuse. It was a stupid one, he knew, she knew but still, she let him go. Because, as much as she made Jimin go through before, she changed. Jimin could recognize that in the way she acted, the way she talked, even the way she kissed him. That’s why he gave her a second chance in the first place.

And then he goes and probably ruins it by being the worst boyfriend. A stupid decision really.

He parks his car in front of their building and he locks with a sigh.

It’s late, too late for you to still be awake. And if you are awake at such an hour, it’ll probably be because you’re writing and you most likely won’t want to be disturbed.

But Jimin can’t help it. His guilt is killing him, eating him up from the inside so he has to at least check.

When he softly taps on your door and gets no reply, he pushes it open.

He finds you fast asleep, curled up on top of your covers, phone still on your hands and laptop still open next to your form.

He smiles softly at the image before he approaches you quietly, taking the phone from your hands to place on your nightstand before he wakes you up.

“Y/N. Y/N, wake up…” he whispers softly, unable to keep the smile away from his lips at your adorable sleeping form. Waking you up is a necessary evil; otherwise, the next morning will consist of your sore muscles and your grumpy behaviour in all its glory.

“What… What time is it?” you ask quite drowsily and Jimin is relieved to see no sign of hurt in your voice. Nothing that exposes any malice or grudge hold against him.

“It’s twelve past one. Come on, get up, you’ll be dying in the morning if you sleep like that…” Jimin pushes you softly to move under the covers when his eyes find the screen of your laptop.

Paused in the first few minutes of Space Jam.

His chest constricts uncomfortably and he moves his eyes away in shame. The pain in his chest can only feel like a blade has impaled him with all the implications of how much of an awful friend he is. God, great job, Jimin.

But as you move over your mattress and under the covers, completely serene and calm, Jimin decides to make it up to you.

Towards the end of the movie Jimin realizes you’ve fallen asleep.

You’ve been quiet for a while now but it isn’t until he turns to point something out that he realises your eyes are closed.

You’re breathing slowly, snuggled up next to him, face pressed into the pillow as your chest rises and falls ever so gently.

His lips stretch into a smile, pushing a stray hair out of your face. He picks up the duvet to properly cover you and the movement makes you shift closer to him, to press your face on his side as if searching for him even in your sleep.

His smile widens. And then it falls.

God, he wants to-.

He stops the thought before it emerges.

His movements are deliberately slow and as quiet as they can be as he gets out of bed. He closes your laptop, leaving it on top of your desk before he walks to the door.

He stops then. He turns to take one last look at you and then he leaves.

.

.

{Y/N’s POV}

Next morning you wake up feeling fully rested.

You rub the sleepiness off your eyes before sitting up, hands landing on your soft covers, toes on the cold floor and you wiggle them back to life as you stretch your back with an appreciative moan.

You check your phone for the time, shocked when you find it’s too early for anyone to be awake on a Friday morning and you contemplate diving back into the haven of your covers. But the truth is you don't feel sleepy anymore and you were never the person to loll around in bed either.

So with one last yawn, you put on your slippers and make way to your kitchen. Since you’re the first one up, you could cook breakfast for the boys, reminding them of how much of a good roommate you are and riding them with guilt about the fact both of them haven’t bought any popcorn this last week.

Oh, maybe eggs and bacon? They’d love that! And plus, the tastier the recipe, the more prominent the guilt. You’ll have popcorn to spare for the rest of the year.

But as you make the turn for the kitchen, someone else is already banging pots and whisks in their attempt to concoct a delicious breakfast.

Jimin’s humming some song, whisking some batter as a pan rests on top of the stove, eggs already crackling on top of the boiling oil and the smell fills your nostrils as you get closer. 

Dammit, no free popcorn for you. But at least you won’t have to cook.

“God, that smells amazing…” you comment as you take a seat on the kitchen island and Jimin turns around, eyes wide in reaction to the sudden noise but quickly smirks once it realizes it’s just you.

“Morning to you too,” he chuckles with a roll of his eyes as the whisk never stops moving in his hands. He quickly looks back on the stove when the crackling gets louder and he puts aside the batter with a curse to inspect the eggs.

“Want some help?” you can’t help the soft smile on your face, surprisingly ready to step up and aid his ministrations despite feeling relieved earlier of not having to cook.

He blows a stray hair out of his eyes before he relents. “Please.”

With a giggle, you abandon your spot to help the poor man as Jimin finally finds some time to drink some water. “Where do you want me, chief?” you ask with your hands on your waist.

Jimin chokes on his water, coughing uncontrollably and worry fills you as you’re quick to pat him on the back.

“Hey, easy with the water bud!” you joke and once his coughing stops he gives you a weak smile.

“Got it. Um, you could whisk the batter as I fry the bacon. It needs some more stirring…” he turns to take the done eggs out of the pan, face red from the coughing fit and you mumble a quick confirmation before taking a hold of the whisk.

The kitchen is then filled with the sounds of your whisking and the crackling of the oil in the pan, as Jimin continues humming that unfamiliar song. You gather your hair up in a ponytail to get them out of the way as you continue whisking next to Jimin. It’s been a long time since the two of you have been like this; cooking together, spending time next to one another and still feel close even when you say nothing. The comfortable silence stretches around you as sun rays lighten up the space, hitting at all the right spots to illuminate the two of you.

Your eyes move on their own accord, fleeting to Jimin’s concentrated face as he adds another bacon strip. His brown eyes are focused on the task ahead, eyebrows scrunching whenever a particularly loud crackling sound emerges and your lips move into shaping an involuntarily smile. The sun streams run through his hair, flecks of dust floating in the air around him, almost like a halo, bathing him in an almost ethereal glow. As if you’re his lover and he makes you breakfast after spending the night together, tangled between the sheets.

Your mind short-circuits and you blink when the thought catches up with your reason.

What the fuck was that?

At that moment Jimin leans almost too close to your face, as he ducks to avoid some oil spitting out of the pan.

Your eyes widen at the close proximity and you suck in a breath, realising your mistake as soon as his natural scent infiltrates your lungs.

God, he smells so good. It reminds you of the fresh scent of rain and flowers and something so obviously him.

Jimin leans away immediately and you almost lean forward.

Y/N, what the fuck?

His smile is blinding. “Sorry…” he says before taking out the bacon strips, and you shake your head to get the weird thoughts out of your mind.

“It’s fine…” you mutter, returning your eyes to the batter.

Suddenly very aware of Jimin next to you.

.

.

After you’re done with cooking and putting some aside for Hoseok when he wakes up, the two of you sit down on the kitchen island to finally eat.

“So how did you sleep, Y/N?” Jimin’s voice is coloured with a teasing timbre as he regards you with wiggling eyebrows.

You groan out loud. You remember falling asleep during the movie very clearly and he’s never gonna let you live that down. But you’ll be damned if you let yourself go down without a fight. Or at least bringing him down with you.

“It happened once! Plus I wasn’t the one ditching my best friend to go get laid!” you tease him back, although a bit of your bitterness over last night’s debacle slips through your words, the jab at him a little more serious than you intended at first.

Although your pettiness quickly ebbs away once Jimin’s smile falls and he looks at his plate with a downtrodden face. You suddenly regret saying anything, realising how much of a jerk you’ve been to bring it up when you already decided it wasn’t worth to keep a grudge over. You don’t want to be the reason he looks like this.

“I was just joking, Jimin, I’m not really mad,” you rush to comfort him, placing a tentative hand on top of his palm.

You feel at ease when you don’t feel him pull back. Though a grim sigh rolls off his lips.

“Maybe you aren’t, but that does not make the way I acted last night okay…” he admits, voice low as he rubs the base of his neck with his other hand. He bites his lip in thought and your eyes stick there for a moment before you shake your head back into reasoning.

Thankfully Jimin doesn’t seem to catch up on that. “I’m sorry about yesterday. I was a terrible friend. I knew you needed me and I decided to leave. Please forgive me?” he begs with a pleading smile and damn it, it’s difficult to refuse anything to these eyes.

You sigh dramatically, tapping a finger on your chin as you pretend to ponder on it. “Say I do forgive you. How do you plan on replenishing those hours of agony I was forced to spend due to your absence?” you say with a mock-strict voice and Jimin smiles, already knowing you forgave him.

“I’ll do anything you want. Consider me your personal Genie,” he jokes, jutting his chin out and puffing up his chest.

“Does that mean I get three wishes and a spectacular musical number?”

He’s quick to glare at you. “Let’s not stretch this too much, okay?”

You chuckle when an idea pops into your mind. Oh, he’s gonna hate this, perfect.

The smirk that graces your lips can’t mean anything good, Jimin realises with a sigh.

“How about a little competition…?”

Jimin’s eyes widen in fear. “You don’t mean-?”

“A Just Dance Competition!” you announce loudly, grin threatening to split your lips as Jimin stares at you with a fond smile.

“Oh, god, I should’ve expected that…” he chuckles, the sound resigning as he shakes his head.

In your first years of college, competing on Just Dance choreographies was almost an everyday thing. You and Jimin would give your best dancing moves and Hoseok would judge. Although after many times cheating and being overly competitive to the point of threatening the poor judge, you decided to leave the activity behind.

“Come on, just this once…” you hold up one finger and bring out your best puppy stare to sway him. Jimin just stares at you with crossed hands on his chest.

“You said anything…” your voice visibly loses its excitement as your face turns a bit crest-fallen.

He doesn’t last for long.

“Fine. We can do this, I guess…” he relents.

“Yes!” you do a little victory dance at Jimin’s answer.

“But just this once! And no one else can see but Hoseok!” he protests, shaking a finger scarily at you and you groan but agree nonetheless.

“Okay! It’ll just be the three of us. Partners in crime!” you declare, enthusiasm ruling over your body, standing proudly with your hands on your hips.

Jimin shakes his head. “Sometimes I wonder why I’m your friend…”

You stick your tongue out to him. “Because you looove me,” you sing-song, pecking him on the cheek, with a loud smack.

Jimin’s frame remains still for a moment. Staring at you as you climb out of your stool to wake up Hoseok and share the news before he reaches out.

“Wait…” his hand grasps your arm, halting your steps as you turn around to him with a questioning look.

He takes a deep breath before a smile befalls his lips. “I just… I never got to thank you.”

You stare back, confused, trying to think of what he wants to thank you for, but as time passes and you come by with nothing, you get more and more perplexed.

“About what?” you sit down again, kinda curious of what is so important to him that he wants to thank you.

His smile is grateful. “You know, for being so considerate with this whole situation. I mean, we all know Dinah… And I appreciate you being so cool about it,” he says calmly, thankfully as he takes your empty plates to put them on the sink.

His words send a fresh wave of guilt through you and you bite your lip. You need to tell him the truth.

“Actually about that…” you turn to look at him, trailing off and unsure of how to tell him you actually, kinda, sorta hate his girlfriend with a burning passion.

“Yeah?” Jimin’s unaware eyes and sweet smile meet your shameful and guilty ones. He looks so oblivious and so happy. You can see he likes her, you can see he wants to make this work and even you can admit Dinah’s behaviour has changed. Maybe this is it for them. Maybe all that shit had to happen so the second time around they’d know better of each other and themselves.

Maybe they were meant to make it work from the beginning.

A lump gets stuck in your throat.

“... Of course,” you smile through the sickening feeling in your chest, one you choose to ignore, despite its magnitude, “I’ll always be there to support you no matter what.”

Jimin’s smile turns wider, radiant and you feel like it swallows you.

Like it’s the only thing you see.

.

.

It’s the next evening that you put on your dancing gear and get ready to beat Jimin’s ass. 

Saturday is one of the few really free days you have. Jimin has no classes scheduled to teach today, Hoseok’s radio show isn’t scheduled for Saturdays and you’re just a writer with time to spare.

True to your words, you haven’t said anything to the other two friends of your group, keeping this little event strictly between the residents of this house. Although to be fair, there was another reason for the missed invite.

It’s not the first time during those two days that Ana’s words came to haunt you. To nag at your mind, making you wonder if there’s any truth to the accusations. Those accompanied with your behaviour around Jimin yesterday can only spell trouble for you and your dynamics.

No, there’s no way you feel anything else for Jimin besides cordial friendship. Ana just messed with your head, putting all those silly ideas in it to confuse you, hence why you can’t stop thinking about him naked.

Oops, did you say naked? You meant “in all those domestic scenarios where he’s your lover”.

You sigh. That doesn’t sound any better.

Okay, focus. You don’t like him. There’s no way.

Making your way into the living room, you find your roommates already in the area. Hoseok searches for Just Dance videos on youtube while Jimin stretches on the floor, leaning forward to touch his toes while granting you a perfect view of his plumpy behind.

God, what did I just say?!

You shake your head. That doesn’t count! You can still be attracted to someone and regard them only as a friend. Right?

Bottom line is you don’t like Jimin.

“Are we ready gentlemen?” you shot them a confident smile, already pumped up for this.

Jimin regards you with self-assurance colouring his features. “Ready for you to eat my dust? You bet I am,” he boasts, a sly smirk gracing his lips and you snort out loud.

“We’ll see about that…” is your collected comeback, not really worried about the outcome of this competition. You know you’re about to serve him his ass on a platter.

“Your trash talk sucks dick. Thank god I’m not the judge of that, both of you would be slammed to the ground right now…” Hoseok retorts with impassiveness as he puts a video on queue.

“You’re not here to roast us, you’re here to judge buttercup, so shut your hole and judge,” you bite back, the rush of the impending competition already getting you lightheaded, as you stare Hoseok down.

His eyebrow twitches in return. “Do you want me to change the song?” he challenges you.

At that, you and Jimin turn around immediately to see Twice’s Feel Special tutorial staring back at you from the screen and you realise that no. You don't.

“You’re fucking kidding me…” is Jimin’s less than excited response at having to dance the one song you’re a thousand times better than him.

This is gonna be a piece of cake.

.

.

“No, I’m done! You clearly cannot appreciate my natural charisma, which is simply a blasphemy! A blasphemy, I tell you! People would beg to be judged by me, you degenerates!” Hoseok bursts out of the couch, the dancing tutorial still echoing softly in the background.

“No, Hoseok, please! We promise we’ll be good!” you beg with not as much as a tiny speck of sympathy for your deteriorating dignity.

Jimin scoffs, crossing his hands on his chest. “We? I had no part in this disrespectful disruption and that should be duly noted!” he rushes to save face. Truth is you’ve gone a bit too far.

“Y/N, you threw your phone at me!” a sheepish smile takes over your lips as Hoseok’s eyes marvel at your completely nonchalant behaviour.

“I didn’t… throw my phone at you per se....” you struggle to find an excuse, “I… threw it to you!” you explain with a giggle once your words make somewhat sense.

“What?” Hoseok’s furrowed eyebrows are a clear indication he’s not buying your shit.

“I threw it to you, not at you! So you could... film us! And naturally, the competition would be fairer!” you say in explanation, making your story on the way though it seems none of your roommates believe you.

You suppose that’s fair.

“I would’ve believed you if you hadn’t screamed straight to my face, -and I quote-, “What do you know of judging you freaking cocksucker?”,” Jimin lets out a snort, one he’s quick to hide behind his lips once your ominous glare finds him.

“Well, that leaves us with no judge and we’re currently at a tie, so what will we do?”

Hoseok simply shrugs before heading off to the corridor. “Not my problem anymore, compadre!” he beams at you before disappearing into his room.

Another heavy sigh tumbles from your lips as the song in the background changes into a softer ballad and you turn around to Jimin.

“Well, I guess this was for nothing then…” you huff out but Jimin simply smiles.

“No, I don’t think so…” he responds cryptically and before you can question him about it, his hand grabs yours.

“Come on, let’s dance…” he mutters quietly as he drags you forward closer to him.

Your breath hitches as your palms rest on his chest, heart suddenly beating wildly out of rhythm. You try to chase away Ana’s suggestion, blaming these feelings only on the fact that he’s hot. That’s all. Nothing more.

“But it’s a ballad. It has no tutorial…” you sputter, panic lingering in your words in a futile attempt to get rid of that unexplainable warmth enveloping you as Jimin’s hands end up encasing you.

“So we’ll slow dance…” is his simple answer, clearly not at all as affected as you.

You don’t know why that drives something ugly through your chest.

There’s nothing else you can say to get out of this without making it weird, so you simply let him guide you.

It’s easy to fall into a routine, slowly swaying to the beat of the music as you rest your chin on Jimin’s shoulder. You let your hands find their way to Jimin’s back, sliding upwards to rest on his shoulder blades as his own spread comfortable warmth to the small of your back.

It’s easy to pretend like this. Easier to close your eyes and let the beat slowly fill your ears, as you bask in the safeness of Jimin’s embrace. Like it’s nothing but another normal Sunday night, and not a favour to you because he left you to go hang out with Dinah.

Dinah. The name brings a pang of dull ache in your sternum.

There’s a small lump in your throat that you swallow away.

You’re just worried for him.

A small voice wonders when you’ll grow tired of this.

Jimin’s audible sigh brings you back to reality. You lean back to find him staring at you. His eyes bore into yours and you can’t look away.

There’s something in them, something unreadable but it makes your cheeks scorch with the attention. Though you’re unable to avert your gaze from them. They remind you of that night, outside of your doors, when you were sure he was about to say something but ultimately choose not to.

Again, you wonder what that was. If he’s about to say it now.

But his lips remain pierced shut.

When the silence gets overwhelming you decide to break it.

You clear your throat. “So, uhm, have you done your christmas shopping yet?” you mumble, eyes zerowing on your feet that step side by side to Jimin’s.

His eyes still seek your own. “No, not yet…” he replies casually, hands soft upon your waist. “What about you?” he asks and you’re glad for the more than welcome distraction.

“Oh, yeah, I’m done with mine. Just haven’t figured what to get for Seokjin yet… You know how he gets about presents…” you mumble with a smile before you accidentally step on Jimin’s foot.

He hisses and your eyes widen as you rush to apologize.

“Shit, I’m sorry, maybe we should stop…”

Jimin shakes his head, “No, it’s fine…” he says, though his voice is a bit stiff and his eyes avert your own.

Nonetheless, he doesn’t stop dancing with you.

Again, there’s silence between you, only the sound of the song wafting through the living room. But this time it feels as if something else is floating through the air. Something tense.

You’re quick to fill the silence with a question that’s not easy to ask but it’s the only thing you can think of.

“So… you and Dinah, huh?” you just barely cover your shaky voice.

Jimin’s eyes find yours again. “Oh, uhm, yeah… I mean who would’ve thought, right?” he says with a surprised chuckle, “I mean after everything you’d think I would’ve stayed clear of her…” he says bewildered and an uneasy chuckle escapes you.

“Well, yeah, to be completely honest, we all were caught off guard…” you dare to say, remembering seeing him and Dinah in Seokjin’s bathroom that night. Only now thinking of his lips on her skin makes your stomach clench uncomfortably.

Jimin chuckles in response. “Yeah, I know. And I’m glad you are this civilized about it. I admit it wasn’t supposed to go this far, she was just there when I wasn’t okay and needed a distraction. She was familiar and comfortable. But then we ended up talking and… she’s really changed, Y/N. She kept apologizing for everything and I couldn’t help but think about how it would be if we tried again. I mean everyone deserves a second chance, right?” he concludes with such clarity and insight.

There’s a part of you that wants to say he’s stupid and naive for believing her. But the truth is he’s right. Everyone sane can see she has indeed changed and it reflects on their relationship as well. Jimin returns from their dates feeling happy and content.

You don’t know why that feels like a punch in the gut.

Your lips tug into a forced smile. “Right… wait, why weren’t you okay?” you ask, finally realizing you have no recollection of that. If he had been feeling less than okay at Seokjin's party, you can’t recall.

Jimin laughs your worries off, even though the nervousness in his features is obvious. “It was nothing. I just… saw something I shouldn’t have…” is his evasive answer. His eyes find yours again and they don’t dare to avoid you. Neither do you.

There’s something tense between you, something unspoken. You don’t think you can take any more of this without going mad.

But Jimin’s gaze doesn’t deter. It remains on you, as his hands tighten on your waist. The traitorous fluttering of your heart progresses and you mask your trembling inhale just barely. And suddenly an unexpected yearning blooms inside your lungs. One that’s swallowing you whole, threatening to take hold of your reasoning, threatening to push you forward and-.

Another Just dance tutorial comes into the screen and causes you both to jump in surprise and break apart.

Warmth spreads through your cheeks as you realize what you were about to do.

You were about to lean in.

Jimin clears his throat, eyes searching for his phone and he checks the time. “Oh, shit, I promised Dinah I’d go over there after we’re done…” he mumbles and you can’t help the slight sting that grows in your chest.

“Oh, yeah, go ahead…” you wind up saying, “I mean there’s no one to judge so technically there’s no competition anymore…” you try to get rid of the uneasiness with a chuckle.

Jimin looks at you with a carefree smile as if nothing happened. And you don’t know what hurts more, Jimin’s nonchalance about it or that nothing actually happened.

“Great, then I’m off. Bye, see you tomorrow!” he says, grabbing his phone and keys before stepping out of the apartment.

You stand there in the middle of the living room, eyes stuck on the closed front door. Knowing he went to find her and your chest constricts painfully.

You place your palm to steady your beating heart but it does not work. Not at all. Not when you keep wondering, wishing it was you in her place.

With terror, you realize you’re in deep shit.

.

.

You avoid Jimin as much as you can after that. December progresses, people flooding the streets to either buy presents, meet up with loved ones or visit the Christmas market at the centre, spreading love and warmth through an otherwise cold period.

Sadly that liberated flux of emotion cannot penetrate your tough walls of “perpetual desolation”, as you had once drunkenly described, and paired with the newly-realized feelings for Jimin, it renders you a real-life Scrooge.

That’s how Wednesday finds you with Ana and Seokjin, holed up in a cosy, little coffee house while trying to plan out this year’s New Year’s party.

It’s been a tradition of some sorts for you and your friends to host a New Year’s party at Ana’s apartment, given it’s the most spacious one, inviting all the people you know to celebrate the start of the new year in the best way possible.

You normally would be really pumped up about organizing the event, getting a small taste of the thrill the party would be weeks before. But today your mind isn’t at all able to focus on the preparations. Not that you could focus on anything else besides Jimin since Saturday.

“Okay, I’m sorry but we have to stop. Y/N clearly isn’t paying attention,” Seokjin acts out, his loud whining succeeds in startling you and you finally turn around to realize both of your friends stare suspiciously at you.

Seokjin is just confused, you can tell but Ana’s eyes tell a different story.

That night, after Jimin left for Dinah’s, you immediately called your friend, voice full to the brim with panic as you explained with a nervous stutter what happened. What you had realized and she tried to provide comfort in the best way that she could. She came over with a tub of ice cream, ready to talk it out with you and figure out what your plan was going to be. You also plead with her not to tell Hoseok, the boy couldn’t keep a secret to save his life.

So you’re left sitting here, trying to plan out a party and instead wondering what your course of action should be.

And also wanting to tell Seokjin, hoping he’d have something different to say than Ana. Her suggestion was not what you wanted to hear. Not in the slightest.

“What’s going on?” the man in question asks once he deciphers the mild look of despair in your eyes, voice a tad more empathetic than before.

Your eyes find Ana’s.

She lets out a sigh, before closing her notebook. “Guess I’ll have to say it then…” she muses and a grateful smile masks over your lips. It’s still quite difficult for you to wrap your head around this sudden, inconceivable situation, let alone utter it out loud.

Seokjin’s confusion reflects in the state of his eyebrows; scrunched in, twitching upwards as his eyes zero in on Ana.

Ana rolls her eyes, takes a breath and then-.

“Y/N realized she’s in love with Jimin.”

“Ana!” you protest with wide eyes at her choice of words, feeling your cheeks redden as Seokjin gasps in astonishment.

“Okay, okay, “likes” Jimin,” she reformulates although she doesn’t have you convinced she believes this.

“Jimin?!” the man’s wide eyes are filled with disbelief, mirroring your own sentiments about the current turn of events.

You nod quickly yet somehow bashfully as another gasp falls from Seokjin’s lips and Ana mumbles a quiet “I know”.

“What? How? Who? No, wait, we know who,” he cuts off himself but not for long, “When? When did your feelings change? Was it after your one-night special of passionate love-making? God I have so many questions!” his whole form is trembling with excitement, giddiness over the newly discovered news that leaves you sort of confused.

“I don’t know actually…” you mumble, overly self-conscious and yet you push yourself to continue, to pour out everything that came rushing over you in the last couple of days. Maybe it’ll help. “It feels more as if… as if those feelings were always there? Only I hadn't realised them until recently…” you mutter, eyes on your cup as you stir the now-cold americano.

It still amazes you how much of those words are real. You like your best friend and in some way, you think you always did. Though you guess you were too dense to ever really pay attention to that bubbling feeling in your chest every time he was near.

Not until Ana pointed it out.

“How did you realize it then?” Seokjin’s query is deceptively calm and you figure from the insistent nail-biting, he’s holding back to not scare you off. An act you greatly appreciate.

“Well, Ana and I had a talk the other day which gave me a lot to think about… And after spending some time with Jimin alone and I started to observe myself and my behaviour around him… how he made me feel… I realized it for what it was. For what it is…” you stare at your cup while stealing careful glances at Seokjin, who looks ready to burst with whatever he wants to say but refrains from doing so.

You roll your eyes with a chuckle. “You can talk now.”

A loud gasp tears through his mouth before, “Oh my god, this is so exciting! I already ship it, you’re perfect for each other! If I’m being honest here I never made a move on you cause I also thought you had something going on with Jimin, oh sweet baby Jesus this ship is sailing itself. It’s canon! I-”

“Wait, Seokjin, I think you forget a very important detail,” Ana interrupts him, gaze stern as ever and Seokjin visibly hesitates.

“What?”

“Dinah,” Ana answers and Seokjin’s eyes glaze over with recognition before his shoulders drop.

“Oh, right…” he remembers solemnly and steals a glance at you full with guilt.

You smile although a bit saddened. “It’s okay…”

“But, Y/N… Are you actually in love with him? Or was this just something Ana said to tease you?” he regards you with wary eyes.

You rush to answer the question, minutes before so certain of your answer, only for your lips to remain shut with uncertainty. “I… I don’t know. I mean I thought it was just a crush but I’m not so sure anymore. He’s all I can think about, all I could think about even when I didn't know I liked him, something he said, or the way his voice changed, wondering what the cause of it was. I catch myself actively wishing to be in Dinah’s place, to be the one Jimin goes home to at the end of the day, the one to get to call him hers…” your feelings catch up with you and you find yourself needing a moment to breathe. A moment when you realize it’s not just some stupid crush.

You take a shaky breath. “Fuck, I’m screwed…” you say, the consequences of your breakthrough taking over you like a tidal wave, as you come to a startling conclusion. “I need to tell Jimin.”

Ana takes a tense breath. “I don’t think that’s a good idea…”

But you don’t listen, just like you didn’t after your talk. “I’m not expecting anything out of it so it’d be okay either way, then I can move on at last.”

She shakes her head disapprovingly. “Y/N, no, you don’t know how he’s gonna react! He’s not some rando you happen to stumble upon the same bar four nights a week. He’s your best friend with whom you live together. If things head south, it wouldn’t be as simple as just changing your hangout spot to avoid him! He’s always gonna be there.”

Her words sound ominous and, more frighteningly, reasonable, slightly wavering your resolve but you don’t back down just yet, turning a blind eye to the worst possible outcome even if the chances of that happening are so much more than the opposite. “It’s Jimin, no matter what happens between us, we always have managed to work through it.”

Ana sighs, eyes sad as she stares at you, once again having to fight her way through to make you see reason. “Honey, this is not as simple as him stealing your cereal…”

You swallow the lump in your throat, stubbornly refusing to let it go. “Yeah, but what if-”

“There’s no “what if” Y/N!” Ana lashes out, eyes wide half with irritation half with concern as both you and Seokjin are left to simply stare at her. “There’s no way to tell if he’s feeling the same and he’s currently dating Dinah, who he’s happy with! All you’re gonna achieve now is getting him all confused and uncertain. Do you realize how that may affect your friendship afterwards? Do you really wanna jeopardize what you have over a “what if”?” Ana’s rant is over and finally, you can’t hide behind your finger anymore as her words echo in your mind. Although there’s a large part of you that wishes to deny it, you admit with a heavy heart she is right.

You can’t tell Jimin. Not right now.

You bite your lip as you avert your eyes, trying to suppress your tears as you shake your head, to show you finally see reason. Even if it hurts like hell.

Ana sighs, regret filling her otherwise soft voice. “I’m sorry for being so blunt, if the situation was any different I would be right there with you, being the first to support you in your decision to tell him. But it’s not. And I just don’t want to see either of you getting hurt…” she confesses, as she reaches her hand out to tentatively cover your own.

You let her as you swallow the lump in your throat. The one that makes you feel like you’re drowning.

“I have to agree with Ana on this… I think it will be for the best if you didn’t tell him for now. But whatever you decide to do…. We’ll support you…” Seokjin adds with tender words, that Ana nods furiously to agree with, as he squeezes gently your other hand.

A sad smile manages to find its way onto your lips as you give them both a gentle and thankful glance.

“Thank you, guys…” your voice is barely audible. Then you shake your head, blinking the tears away and slap your cheeks to get rid of the choking in your throat.

“Okay, enough of this. Let’s go back to what we actually came here to do!” you exclaim with a smile and Ana and Seokjin smile back as they open their notebooks once more.

You might be going through a heartbreak but at least for now, you’ll be fine.

.

.

After that conversation, Ana and Seokjin took it upon themselves to help you find someone else, even if you told them a thousand times you weren’t interested.

Ana proposed Seokjin could give Namjoon your number but Seokjin was quick to inform you he was currently seeing someone. Ana tried to hook you up with a work friend but to be honest, there really was no spark with Youngjae so you gave up on that fairly easily. But there’s this guy you see a few times a week at your favourite coffee shop and just a few days ago he approached you asking for your number. At first, you were hesitant to give it but you knew Ana and Seokjin were right on the whole dating thing. If you want to get over Jimin, you need to give another person a chance. So you gave your number to Jaehyun and now, a week later after your talk with Ana and Seokjin, just two days before Christmas, you’re getting ready for your date. Seokjin had suggested you had the date at his restaurant and the probability of being somewhere familiar, somewhere comfortable was like music to your ears.

In the meantime, your avoidance of Jimin hasn’t subsided. There are moments when you think he’s on to you, or that he thinks something’s weird but whenever he tries to bring it up, Seokjin or Ana or your disappearance halt him.

The truth is you hate it. It feels awful to avoid your best friend, it’s horrible pretending as if you don’t see the hurt in his eyes when you dismiss him. But you don’t trust yourself enough to not spill anything to him yet. And Ana was right, you can’t afford to risk it.

So that’s your plan for as long as needed. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

Although when the front door closes with a loud bang, you have a feeling it’s not gonna be that easy today. Hoseok’s over at Ana’s as she promised to keep him there to give you and Jaehyun some privacy. So the only other possible explanation is Jimin returning earlier from his date.

You peak out of your bedroom to see him marching down the hall. His eyes stare stubbornly, intensely at the floor as if they try to burn holes through the carpet as his heavy steps boom through the apartment. That vein in his forehead is pulsing, threatening to burst at any moment, his lips pulled into an angry frown as he takes off his jacket. He tries to rip it off with hasty movements as if it’s something tangled to him, choking him.

“Jimin, is everything okay…?” you ask cautiously as he still struggles with his jacket in front of his bedroom.

He curses through clenched teeth, ripping the jacket off his hand with one sharp movement. “Yeap. Everything’s okay. More than okay! Perfect! Everything’s perfect!” he exclaims, even though the irony in his voice doesn’t do much to convince you.

“...Do… you wanna talk about it?” your voice is careful, wishing quite selfishly and guiltily he doesn’t, because you know if he does want, there’s no chance you’ll be able to deny him, date or no date. 

He huffs before searching for his phone. “What’s there to talk about? That my girlfriend is a successful doctor that apparently gets paged in the middle of our date? That children need her and I can't complain? That I’m searching for my phone and I can’t fucking find it?!” he bursts before taking a deep breath to calm himself.

Your stomach flips uncomfortably in response to the hurt hiding in Jimin's eyes. His face is filled with worries, marking the space between his eyebrows and you want to smooth your thumb over the lines. Your chest constricts in a bothersome matter when you spot his glassy eyes. It’s not an image you like to see on him.

So, against your better judgement, you do what you’ve tried so long not to.

You talk to him.

“You’re not a bad person for feeling angry. As long as you don’t put the blame on her you’re okay. It’s normal. You just want to spend some time with your girlfriend…” you respond, trying to hide the sadness colouring your voice at the word “girlfriend”, as you walk out of your room into the hallway to talk properly to your friend.

His eyes, filled with something akin to shame, find yours and you wanna wipe that frown from his lips with yours.

But you control yourself. You’re not an animal.

“Also, check your jacket…” you point at the article of clothing with a soft smile, and as he follows your advice, he gives you a small, closed-lip smile. But it’s still a smile.

With a tired chuckle, he finds his phone in one of the pockets and shakes his head before his eyes find yours. Although as they land on your form, the chuckle fades out, confusion written on his skin.

“Are you going somewhere?” he asks, pointing to the mini black dress you’re wearing and sudden heat scorches through your cheeks.

“I, uhm… Yeah, on a date…” you chuckle nervously, rubbing your arm, eyes on your feet. “Honestly, I don’t even know why I’m going, the guy’s too hot for me…” you try to joke but Jimin has none of it.

“Bullshit, you’re too hot for him! You always do that, you put yourself down, thinking you’re not good enough, but Y/N, they’re not good enough for you! You’re amazing, funny, smart, kind and, yeah, sometimes grumpy as hell, but you deserve more than feeling like one of someone’s many choices. You’re the only one. So treat yourself like one as well.” Jimin interjects, voice serious and kinda fed up but his last words soften. He looks at you with such tenderness you can almost pretend he feels the same. You can almost pretend he wants you too.

Almost.

You clear your throat. “Thanks, sport…” you respond with a chuckle, trying to chase the tension away, but Jimin’s eyes won’t budge. They seem uncertain as if he’s trying to figure out something, but their intensity only tortures you more and you have to say something to break free from them.

“Uhm, yeah so I have to go now…” you move back to your room to get your purse and coat and Jimin’s eyes finally move away from you with a cough.

“Yeah, uhm… Yeah, of course…” he rushes to say, eyes fidgeting anywhere but close to you as he struggles to open his door.

“...Unless you want me to cancel?” you propose, knowing full well if he says yes, there’s no way you can say no to him. And that Ana is probably gonna beat your ass.

Jimin almost chokes at that, face flushing, turning his body towards you yet his eyes look at the floor. “What? Why? Why would I want you to cancel?” he stutters, eyes fidgeting between you and his door.

“Well, I figured you’d want to talk some more about Dinah…” you say softly, thinking you must have hit a nerve on his pride but he visibly relaxes at your words.

“Oh, uhm, no, don't worry about it, I’ll be fine. Go enjoy your date, and say hi to Seokjin from me,” he responds with a smile, although it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

But before you get to ask him if he’s sure, or how he knows the date is at Seokjin’s restaurant, he’s already hiding in his room, behind his closed door.

You sigh. Maybe he wants to be alone. To be alone and think it over by himself. Yeah, he’ll be okay.

You don’t do a good job of convincing yourself as you put on your coat and walk to the front door.

He’ll be fine.

.

.

20 minutes later, you find your way back into the apartment, throwing your keys on the glass bowl next to the door, taking your shoes off in front of a very confused and suspicious Jimin who watches a movie on the couch.

You take off your coat and plop yourself down next to him, as he keeps on watching you weirdly.

You pick up some of his popcorn, before. “What are we watching?”

Jimin presses his lips together in a poor attempt to conceal the grin threatening to spill all over his lips before he schools his face into a strict expression. “I told you I’d be okay…”

Your eyes are glued to the TV as you feign ignorance. “I know. And I didn’t bail out on him. He did,” you said, sudden interest in the movie piqued.

Jimin’s eyes widen, shuffling on his spot with newly found vigour. “What? You want me to talk to him for you?”

That takes you by surprise. You turn to look at him only to see his eyes stuck to you, as serious as ever. Does he even know Jaehyun?

Oh god, he shouldn’t talk to him.

“Ah, no, no, he didn’t do it on purpose! He just… had somewhere to go. We’ll just reschedule,” you reply knowing full well you’re not gonna do that.

Even if Jaehyun was entirely too eager to do that when you told him you had a family emergency.

Truth is you didn’t drive too far before you yielded and texted Jaehyun to cancel. Thinking Jimin would’ve been stuck at home alone and sulking didn’t sit well with you.

Jimin’s suspiciousness doesn’t leave his eyes but he visibly relaxes. “Oh, if you’re okay then…” he simply says before his smile reappears. Then he goes on to answer your previous question, informing you about the movie playing in the background.

You rest your chin on your palm as you listen to him intently. Absorbed by the excitement in his voice, the glint in his eyes as he explains the plot to a movie he clearly enjoys. His cheeks are flushed, heated up by how quickly he’s talking, voice melodic and excited. His hair falls on top of his forehead, messy and shiny, moving slightly with every tilt of his head when he’s thinking over something. His lips form a pout when he’s uncertain over a specific detail but the truth is you don’t care.

Not about the movie.

.

.

It’s towards the end of the movie when you feel Jimin turning towards you.

You copy his actions, turning to face your best friend with a questioning glint in your eyes. “Spill it out, champ.”

Jimin smiles at your words, resting one arm at the back of the couch, behind you. “I just wanted to thank you for staying-”

You gasp, once again pretending you don’t know what he’s talking about. “I told you the date got cancelled, I had to come back! Didn’t you listen, you dingus?”

Jimin’s smile widens, looking away with a low chuckle. “Right…” he says, though not looking very much convinced. “Even so… you being here means a lot, so thank you…” he concludes with soft eyes, a kind of tenderness you’re not used to seeing reflecting in his gaze, at least not directed towards you. But it’s not foreign, not even one bit.

A gentle smile graces your lips as you answer. “Of course. You’re my best friend,” you respond in an as-a-matter-of-fact way while you give him a playful nudge on the ribs.

He chuckles, eyes falling to his lap. “You know, I might be joking about regretting being your friend when you annoy the shit out of me…” you both laugh at that, as you shuffle in your spot, “but if I’m grateful for anything in my life is the years you’ve been a part of it. I wouldn’t risk our friendship for anything. You’re the best friend I could ever have and I hope I’m at least half as good a friend to you,” he concludes, words filled with emotion, even though his voice is serene and soothing.

The display of emotion tugs at your heartstrings but when it’s your turn to return them words fail you. You can’t even begin to put what Jimin means to you into words, newly-discovered feelings put aside. What his friendship means to you, what those years spent together made you cope through and how they changed you, those things are bigger than the strict barrier of words.

So, you do what every self-respected awkward human being would do.

You joke about it.

“Did you swallow a Barbie DVD or something? Where did that come from?” you chuckle in borderline embarrassment, as you try to get off the couch.

“No, Y/N, I’m serious,” he reacts, voice stern as he rests his palm on your leg to stop you from leaving. 

Though both pairs of eyes widen at that.

Because you never changed out from the mini black dress and when you moved earlier the fabric had ridden up your thighs.

So now Jimin’s palm lays on the top part of your smooth, bare thigh.

Instant heat washes over you, as you barely manage to mask the gasp bubbling up in your throat. Your eyes fall to his fingers, not daring to meet his gaze as you feel the warmth of his skin spreading through to yours.

Your heart beats wildly inside your chest and there’s a certain, familiar discomfort in the pit of your stomach.

He doesn’t move his hand. You can feel his eyes on you and there are goosebumps where his gaze trails on your skin.

You let your eyes find his own.

You’re not at all ready.

Not for the darkness in them, not for the haziness and tension, certainly not for the dark part in you that tells you there’s more to them than those things. No, not for the intensity and lust hidden in their dark depths.

No, you’re not ready.

But their existence is as tangible as it could ever be.

You can’t move, not an inch and even if you could, you wouldn’t. You’d choose not to. The heat in his stare sends chills down your arms, your cheeks scorching and your gaze falls to his plump lips, a sharp yet quiet inhale escaping you at just a small peek of his tongue.

And then you swear you feel-.

“Sup, guys? How have you been?” Hoseok’s voice fills the apartment as he steps inside from the front door. The sound of his cheerful entrance has you both instantly jumping away from each other in panic.

“Uhm, fine, we’ve been fine!” you struggle to reply, voice an octave higher as Jimin looks away and nods with you.

Hoseok takes off his shoes nonchalantly, not having a single clue about the thick tension in the air when he notices your outfit. He scrunches his eyebrows in confusion. “Did you go somewhere?”

You swallow nervously, foot tapping the floor. “Ah, yeah, I had a date…”

Hoseok looks ever more confused now for some unknown reason. “You did?” he asks, eyes moving to Jimin.

Jimin rushes to explain. “It got cancelled.”

“Ah… I see,” Hoseok replies as if somehow this makes more sense.

But you’re too preoccupied with Jimin’s proximity to question Hoseok’s reaction, instead focusing on trying to appear calm and not at all flustered and worked up as you are. You stand up from the couch as calmly as you can. Though you admit it’s not very much calmly. “Uh, yeah, so anyways I should go change. Goodnight guys!” you mumble quickly, eager to escape and you run off to your room.

Hoseok’s confusion is back when you disappear into your room and he turns to Jimin who also gets up and discreetly readjusts his pants. “What’s up with her?”

“Wouldn’t know. Actually, I’m quite sleepy too, so goodnight!” Jimin rushes to exclaim and then he’s off, walking rushedly towards his room.

Leaving Hoseok alone in the living room and baffled as hell.

.

.

Your legs can’t take you into your bedroom any faster and you rush to close the door with a slight lightness of breath.

Oh, god.

What just happened?

Your knees still feel weak, legs trembling and you immediately sit on the floor. Not trusting your limbs to carry you as far as your bed is, eyes and mouth wide in shock as you bring your hands to cool your heated cheeks.

You’re not crazy, you couldn’t have imagined this. You swear it wasn’t just your wishful thinking. No matter how much you want this, there’s no way your mind could have imagined such an intense way of staring. His eyes seemed like black holes, swallowing you whole and you would’ve gladly let him if Hoseok hadn’t interrupted.

Which reminds you. Right before Hoseok walked in you’re certain you felt the edges of his fingertips moving. And not away, as if belatedly realizing of his slip up.

Moving upwards.

“Fuck…” is your breathless realization, biting your lip as heat pools between your thighs. Making you reminisce of your little rendez-vous eight months ago and all the ways he made you feel, of how he felt pressed against you, inside you, drawing moans out of your lips as if it was the last thing he’d ever do.

How his mouth felt against your skin.

You slap some sense into yourself.

No! What were you thinking?! What was he thinking?! He has a girlfriend! A girlfriend whose sudden departure had him feeling upset merely hours ago. Maybe this behaviour was just a cry for attention caused by this event and you shouldn’t encourage it.

There was attraction, that is true. If there wasn’t any attraction between the two of you, you wouldn’t have slept together all those months ago in the first place. But this is not the time, nor the place. Not when he has a girlfriend and not when your feelings are so much more than just that.

It’s bad news and you gotta do your best to nip it in the bud. Crush it before the frustration gets any stronger and threatens to take hold of your sanity.

You let a deep breath infiltrate your lungs. As if the fresh air could bring a new sense of logic, resolve and determination to help you get through this unscathed.

You get up off the floor to get ready for sleep.

.

.

Only, it’s close to 4 am and you still can’t sleep.

You fuss around in your bed, the rustling of the sheets the only sound breaking the otherwise calm serenity of your dark bedroom.

You huff in annoyance, throwing the covers off of you, suddenly too warm for your liking. You’ve been trying to sleep for three hours now, but instead of blissful numbness, when your eyes close your mind is filled with the look in Jimin’s eyes from this afternoon. Turning you on despite your best efforts.

You sit up, back on your headboard, hands crossing over your chest as you tap your fingers on your arm. The shorts you wear to sleep feel uncomfortably stifling with sweat and you shuffle quickly out of them.

Only a particular movement has you clenching your thighs from the pleasurable friction on your clit and you bite your lip to keep the moan from spilling out.

Jimin’s dark eyes come to mind once more.

You inhale deeply, fingers playing with the hem of your shirt, now dressed in only that and your panties. You bite your lip once more in thought and concealed shame.

You shouldn’t.

But your inhibitions don’t stop you from recalling that night.

{{You throw another shot down with a blissful smile as you watch Jimin do the same, only with significantly less enthusiasm than you. It’s already been one hour since you’ve been here, drinking your guts to help him move on, and already two girls walked away from him. It might be the way he slouches on the bar, droopy face that screams “recently dumped and still in love” but you refuse to leave here tonight without Jimin getting laid. Or at least having some fun.

“Come on, I’m sure someone else will approach you!” you nudge him playfully and Jimin scoffs as he proceeds to order another drink.

“Yeah, right. If anything I’ll just make a fool of myself again…” he grumbles, eyes focused on the empty shot glasses on the bar.

You throw an arm around his shoulders, determined to cheer him up. “Well, it’s because you’ve gotten rusty, bud! Give it some time, you’ll get better!” you observe vigorously, poking his cheek but the gloom expression doesn’t abandon him.

“I don’t think I will…” he mutters, almost too quiet for you to hear, but you do.

“What? Why?” your perplexion is audible in your words and Jimin lets out a breath.

“I just… I don’t get why would anyone bother to approach me. What’s there to like anyway…?” he admits quietly. His eyes avoid yours but you can see the sorrow, the defeat lacing their edges. The response fills you with unbridled rage over how her insistent verbal abuse has seeped into his mind and made him question himself and his worth like this.}}

Even now, that rage hasn’t subsided completely, finding yourself getting pissed at how much his previous relationship with Dinah had ruined him.

{{“Follow me for a second,” you say through gritted teeth as you drag him out of his stool to a more quiet place of the bar.

You step into the hallway that leads to the rooftop with a pretty begrudging Jimin trailing after you. The corridor is currently devoid of people, hence rendering it the perfect spot for what you're about to say.

“Why are we here?” Jimin asks like a weary teenager, crossing his arms on his chest as he rests his body on the wall.

“We’re here because you’re a freaking idiot and people would’ve probably stared if I laid it on you back there! You seriously cannot believe there’s nothing likeable about you!” you scold him with your hands on your waist.

Jimin’s eyes fall to his shoes, a pout forming on his lips.

“Well, there isn’t…” he responds genuinely and you swear you’re gonna swat him with a broom.

“Well, better buckle up soldier ‘cause I’m about to send your princely ass to confidence town,” you declare with ferocity and Jimin regards you with a confused but amused smile.

“So am I a soldier or a prince, I’m confused.”

“You’re both, you’re a prince who served on the front line in the dragon war,” you respond, deciding to humour him, seeing at least that brings a smile back on his lips.

“Is that from your book?” he asks back, a very carefully-hidden smirk gracing his face.

“No, it’s not, I- Hey!” you stop once you realize what he’s been doing, “Stop distracting me! Now stop and listen to me you bastard!” you point your finger at him and his smile shows he’s not in the least sorry.

“People go crazy about you everywhere you go! Seriously you’re the most likeable person I know, I could see that even back in high school when we didn’t hang out as much! You’re just… You’re the most perfect human being ever!” you exclaim with zeal, desperate to make your best friend see himself as you do.

Jimin shakes his head even if a small blush starts to bloom on his cheeks. “Now you’re just messing with me…”

“No I’m not!” you interject, taking a step closer until you’re standing right in front of him. “You’re the kindest and smartest, I mean you passed your college exams with flying colours!” a shy smile graces his lips at that, “And on top of that, you’re so handsome! I mean look at your lips dude! People literally pay to get their lips like this!” an impromptu laugh escapes him and resonates in the empty hall, “And the way your eyes crinkle when you laugh is just plain adorable, but on the other hand girls - and guys - would kill to lick those abs, or have a grasp at your pecs,” you cite all of Jimin’s great characteristics, but in your desire to show him how perfect he is, a slight slip of the tongue happens.

“And your thighs-” you begin but instantly stop, regret filling your mind as soon as you realise what you were about to say.

Truth is you always had a weakness for his thighs. You admit, his body is pretty phenomenal as a whole but his thighs, in particular, are a certain weak spot for you. In shame, you admit you fantasized about them trapping you between them more than once.

But, alas, Jimin catches on that and he stands up straight, a questioning look in his eyes.

“What about my thighs…?” he asks curiously, eyes regarding you with interest as they dare you to continue. You swallow nervously and the movement has Jimin’s eyes glint with sudden realization. 

“Um, they… um,” you lose your train of thought as the look in his eyes changes to something darker and he takes a step closer.

“They are...um, toned!...” you say in relief at finding a pretty innocent word but Jimin doesn’t slow down. You take a step back.

“And…?” he demands, not at all satisfied by your explanation, unrelenting and asking for more. He takes another step forward to cover your own, diminishing the distance between you.

“And firm and… sturdy…” you mumble as if in a daze as the predatory glint in his eyes only grows.}}

In real-time, the look in Jimin’s eyes matches the one from earlier tonight and you rub your thighs together for some needed relief.

{{“And…?” he asks, voice low and commanding as he effectively traps you against the wall, palms resting on each side of your face, dark eyes pinning you in place.

You swallow the lump in your throat, feeling a sudden emptiness between your legs as your eyes fall to his plump lips.

“And... thick…” you finish softly, breathlessly as your chest moves quickly with each intake of breath, struggling to keep your head straight.}}

Your hands find their way down your body as if they have a mind of their own.

{{“So you like my thighs then…” he whispers, his breath fanning over your lips, a soft gasp rolling off your tongue.

“I- I don’t…” you don’t even manage to convince yourself and the predatory smile returns on his lips.}}

Your hand rests on the hem of your underwear.

{{“Really?... So…” he trails off, smirk ever-present as he slowly moves his right leg. “... it wouldn’t matter if I did this?....” he teases and presses his thigh against your clothed centre.}}

They move the article of clothing aside to press at your aching clit.

{{You don’t manage to conceal the gasp that trudges over to a moan, as his toned muscle presses against your panty-clad clit underneath your skirt. Your hands fly to grab at his biceps and a low chuckle falls from his lips as his face lowers towards your neck.

Your cunt clenches over nothing and your hips buck into his thigh desperately.

“Do you want more…?” he whispers with a tantalizing hum, intimately beneath your ear and a shiver runs down your spine.

You feel his thigh flexing against you as if teasing you about what’s to come if you say yes.

In your drunken and lust infused mind you can’t find a single reason to say no.}}

Your fingers move slowly, rolling the swollen nub between them as a quiet sigh breaks free from your lips, remembering the way his thigh felt against you. Your movements are soft, careful, not wanting to rush it as even more memories flood your mind.

{{It doesn’t take long for Jimin to take you home after you say yes. You drive back in his car, barely keeping your hands to yourself as he drives. It takes all your willpower not to make him stop the car and ride him in the middle of the street. Instead, you only let one hand palm him through his jeans and the other dive beneath your skirt to toy with your folds. Pleasuring both of you at the same time and having Jimin going completely mad with want, a promise hiding in his eyes as he drives.

Once you reach your building, you’re immediately on each other, not caring who might see. You climb up the old stairs in a haze, hands exploring each other’s bodies, grabbing at the tender part, lips tracing the exposed skin until you reach your apartment. Your back hits the front door, a moan rolling off your tongue and Jimin swallows it eagerly as his lips devour yours.

His hands are rough at your hips, grinding his crotch against you, your bare thighs rubbing against the roughness of his jeans as you blindly search for your keys.

“Could you- could you stop for a second and help me get the door…” you mumble against his mouth when your fingers finally grasp at the metallic key in your pocket.

Jimin doesn’t stop kissing you though. “Honestly, I don’t mind fucking you senseless against it,” he growls at you, biting your bottom lip as his fingers dig into your hips.

“Fuck…” the image his words paint arouse you a great deal more than what you’d like to admit. Your head hits the door as the image floods your mind.

“No, we can’t…” you say, still somehow self-conscious, “People might see…” you mumble with closed eyes as Jimin leaves open-mouthed kisses on your collar bones.

“Let them see then…” he responds with confidence as he grips at your chin and forces you to look at him.

His eyes are hooded, completely dark under his heavy gaze on you. He licks his lips as he stares at you like he wants to ravish you and you lean your head down to capture his thumb between your lips.

You stare at him innocently through your eyelashes, sucking the digit into your mouth. Jimin’s eyes widen even more. You roll your tongue teasingly around him, making sure your eyes remain on him, as he breathes heavily and then you let it go with a loud “pop”.

Jimin stares back at you. Tongue running across his bottom lip before-.

“Fuck, okay, okay. I changed my mind. I don’t want anyone seeing you like this but me.” he curses softly, before taking the keys from your hands to open the door.}}

Your fingers are faster now, soft whimpers falling from your lips. Too quiet for anyone to hear as your other hand travels beneath your T-shirt to grasp at your breast.

{{You’re a mess of limbs and kisses as you stumble towards Jimin’s room. Jackets have been discarded somewhere in the living room and you don’t even bother on closing the door. Hoseok’s is bound to spend the evening at Ana’s, so you don’t have to worry about being quiet either. You have the place to yourselves.

“I want to suck you off, can I suck you off?” you mumble between kisses, fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. You can’t wait to feel the weight of his length on your tongue and judging by how he’s straining against his jeans you’d say he can’t wait either.

Another curse rolls from his tongue as he rushes to help you undo the last few buttons. “Yes. Fuck yes,” he grunts in anticipation once his shirt is off.

You push him to sit at the edge of his bed, too impatiently. You kneel between his legs, hands running up and down his thighs as he leans back, palms supporting his weight against the mattress as he stares at you lazily, biting his lip.

You let your eyes wander over the expanse of his smooth chest, taking in the sight of his sturdy muscles, his perked up nipples and his sculpted abs. A high pitched whine escapes you at how absolutely perfect he is. You want to ruin him.

Jimin smirks lazily at you. “Like what you see?”

You only nod, licking your lips and indulging yourself.

You move upwards carefully, placing a few butterfly kisses against his chest, letting your tongue roll over his nipples, which he greatly appreciates if his loud moans are anything to get by.}}

You roll one perked nipple beneath your fingertips. A quiet moan comes off your lips in response and you buck your hips into your hand, aching for something more.

{{You move lower, letting your tongue trail the edges of his abs. The warm muscle drives the man insane by the traitorous pace it takes as his chest rises and falls with every breath.

His hand winds up tangled in your hair, threading through the lock to tug softly at the roots and making you groan in arousal.

You’re quick in unbuttoning his jeans, pushing them downwards until they’re off. Anticipation rolls over you in waves as you move to the waistband of his boxers and Jimin tucks some strands away from your face.

You let his cock spring free and it taps against his stomach. Your mouth salivates at the sight. Pulsating veins run down its shaft, its head a pretty pink, tip glistening with precum and you lick your lips with wanton. He’s not very big, not in length, but the size of his girth seems to compensate for that more than enough. He’s thick, thicker than what you’re used to and even if you had some lengthier ones, you’re sure this one will put them all to shame.

Jimin’s patience runs low and a low whine echoes in his dulcet voice.

“Don’t just stare at it…” he mumbles and for the first time since the club, he sounds almost shy. Something which makes your stomach flip in arousal.

A smirk meets his eyes as you lower your head, his hand still in your locks and you take a tentative lick at the tip.

Jimin lets out a shuddering breath, eyes never abandoning you or your movements as you rest your hands at his thighs for leverage. You keep on teasing him, feeling his muscles tense beneath your palms and a crooked smile paints your lips.

You lower your mouth again, taking his head into your wet cavern and a soft moan breaks free from Jimin’s lips. His hand tightens its grip at your hair, nudging softly forward, not enough to be forceful but enough to clue you into what he wants.

Instead, you hollow your cheeks and a sharp gasp escapes him.}}

Finally, you move your underwear aside to tease your entrance and proceed to insert one finger into your throbbing cunt.

{{You begin moving your head up and down his length slowly, torturously and his eyes roll back into his head as it lols back. You don’t increase your pace, letting your jaw adjust to his wide girth, slowly letting each inch delve into your mouth. 

“Fuck…, you-” Jimin tries to talk only for another gasp to tear through his lips as you take him deeper. Coating him with your saliva and hollowing your cheeks again. He moans loudly, his hand rolling your hair into a fist, tugging at the roots as you take him fully, feeling him resting heavily on your tongue.

You pick up the pace steadily, bobbing your head and nails digging into the unmarred skin of his thighs. A hiss tumbles from his mouth in response.

You readjust your position to take off your shirt and bra. You then put more weight into your knees to give your full focus on sucking him off. You keep your cheeks hollowed, going faster and faster, a sturdy grip on Jimin’s bare thighs as your eyes remain stuck on his face.

You swear you’ve never seen anything more beautiful than Jimin’s face as he drowns in pleasure. His eyes are tightly shut, scrunched in concentration to not miss the feeling of your mouth on him. His mouth is agape as he struggles to breathe properly, soft gasps escaping his mouth instead.

It strikes you hard; how magnificently ruined he looks. How absolutely wrecked you have him, and the stickiness in your underwear grows knowing he looks like this because of you.

Then he opens his eyes lazily, orbs lost in desire and as they rest on your bare tits, his hips instinctively buck into your mouth with a cry before he stops himself.}}

You take a quick break to stop yourself from finishing too early and instead pay attention back to your clit.

{{“Fuck, stop for a second…” he breathes out harshly, pushing you away from his cock as he runs a hand through his hair.

“Why?” you say thoroughly confused and Jimin chuckles breathlessly at your puppy stare. He then moves forward to press a soft kiss to your lips.

“Cause I was about to cum on your tits and I’d rather do that inside you…” he whispers against your mouth and you find yourself biting your lip to suppress a moan.

“Now please let me taste you…” he mumbles seductively as he forces you up. You stand up in front of him, his head in level with your breasts. His eyes stare up at you, wide and deceptively innocent before he wraps his mouth around one nipple and rolls it with his tongue. You gasp out loud, arching your chest against him for more. His fingers graze your thighs in the meantime, moving upwards to wrap around your underwear and get rid of it, leaving you bare beneath your skirt.

“I don’t…” another gasp interrupts your words as he runs a finger through your folds. “I don’t think I have the patience for that…” you stutter, hips rolling over his fingers.

A harsh suck at your nipple has you crying out loud, grabbing at Jimin’s locks. While he drives two fingers in you, without warning.

“Fuck, Jimin!” your high pitched protest resonates around the apartment and Jimin curses, moving the two fingers slowly inside you.

“Fuck, you take my fingers so well, baby…” he murmurs against your chest, his low timbre sounding like heaven in your ears. His fingers move slowly against your walls, just barely find your g-spot that has you seeing stars.

“You’re so wet, look at you…” he brings the two fingers between you. They glisten in the soft light of his nightstand, strands of your arousal connecting the two digits as he moves them into a V shape. He stares at them, mesmerised before pushing one digit into his mouth. He moans at the taste, before pushing the other finger towards your lips.

Instead, you grasp at both fingers and suck at them obediently, making sure to suck all your slick from his fingers. Your eyes remain on Jimin, whose eyes almost roll in bliss.

“Okay. Fuck, okay. Get that skirt off and get on the bed,” comes his urgent reply as he all but throws you on the mattress after the skirt has joined the rest of your clothes on the floor.

You lay across his sheets, spreading your legs wide for him and Jimin all but falls on his face trying to take off his boxers, making you giggle in response.

Once they’re off, his movements are more smooth as he steps on to the bed. His eyes are dark, swimming in a pool of desire, never straying away from your face as he crawls towards you. His hands rest on each side of your head, hips pressing against your own as his eyes fall to your lips.

You’re breathing heavily underneath him, chest brushing against him with every breath and you arch your back to press closer against him.

“Do you have a condom…?” you say before biting softly at his earlobe, your hand wrapping sloppily around his thick length.

He bucks into your palm desperately before he nods. He reaches his hand on his nightstand, never leaving the warmth of your body, and grabs the foil package. You take it from him and rip it open with your teeth, too fucked out to wait and Jimin gapes at you as you pretend not to notice the twitch on his dick.

You roll it on him as he lets out a long breath and his grip on your hips tightens.

“Are you sure about this…?” he asks cautiously, giving you one last chance to step back.

You grab at his neck to push him downwards into a kiss. Your lips are rough against him and he presses further, letting his tongue dive into your mouth to find your own. Your kiss is sloppy, urgent, not caring for tenderness. Getting you even more aroused as Jimin instinctively rolls his hips against yours.

“Okay, got it,” is his answer to your kiss. His hand grasps at his cock and giving it a few pumps before sheathing inside you with one sharp thrust.}}

You let two of your fingers dive inside you at the memory, drawing a long moan, quiet enough to be heard only in the confinements of your own room.

{{Both of you moan loudly at the intrusion, feeling complete and utter fullness with the way Jimin is pulsating inside you. It takes a while to get used to him, breathing slowly to help yourself relax as Jimin presses soft kisses to the skin above your breasts.

Soon though his kisses turn hungrier, messier, bordering into bites and you can’t help but moan and clench at the sensation.

Jimin hisses and reacts with another sharp thrust, making your eyes roll to the back of your skull in pleasure.

He starts a brutal pace, slow but rough deliberate thrusts, moving you further into the bed.

He pushes your legs on your chest in a new position, as he leans on top of you and drives his cock even deeper into you. He hits your g-spot almost repeatedly, having you crying out and your eyes well up by how good it feels.

“Fuck, Jimin, fuck, don’t stop…” you cry breathlessly even though Jimin doesn’t seem like stopping anytime soon.}}

In real-time, you pick up the pace of your fingers, driving them deeper to press against your g-spot, as you keep panting upon your sheets.

{{“Fuck. You. Feel. So. Good.” he punctuates each word with a thrust, as they come out in loud, rough growls, eyebrows scrunched in concentration as precipitation gathers at his temples, wet hair hanging in front of his eyes.

You cry out in ecstasy with every rough snap of his hips, shifting your hips to feel more of him, desperate for as much as he can give.

Then Jimin stands upright, grabbing your legs to push them into his chest and away from your own, wrapping around them and using them as leverage. His movements don't stop and he grunts lowly with each thrust, making you see stars each time he hits your g-spot.

He pants above you, driving his hips deeper into you, his muscles taut as he flexes his thighs and his thrusts become even rougher.

“Shit, Jimin…” you plead yet you don’t know what for as his motions make your body move up and down against the mattress.

“What is it, baby? Tell me,” he hisses, eyes furrowed as he stares at your lips. “I’ll give it to you…” he grunts, his thrusts now matching his pants, hands getting tighter at the supple flesh of your hips.

“Jimin, please…” you whine, driving your hand to tap on your clit to clue him in.

He curses again, bating your hand away for one of his own to land against your nub and begin rubbing circles into it.}}

You remove your other hand from your chest to press at your clit as you drive two fingers harshly into your soaked pussy with the other. You feel your high approaching and you don’t dare stop.

{{You scream in pleasure at the added friction, legs moving as Jimin releases them to wrap around his waist. You drive your heels against his ass to press his cock further into you.

“How are you so fucking wet for me, huh? Did my thighs turn you on this much, baby?” he asks harshly as his fingers pick up their pace, sending you into a wholly new sensation.

You moan out loud at his words, nodding your head quickly as if you’ve gone mad. “Yes, fuck, Jimin. I love your thighs, love how thick they are. Wanna rub my cunt all over them, want my clit to go numb with how hard I rub it on them. Want my folds to leak on top of them and stain your jeans. Fuck!” you yelp when your words have Jimin giving a particularly rough thrust.

“Fuck, yeah baby that’s right. Those thighs are gonna make you cum so fucking hard, you won’t be able to walk tomorrow,” he hisses from above you, spreading your legs, the stretch burning delightful as another groan falls from your hips.

Finally, you feel yourself getting closer and closer to cumming, high-pitched moans echoing inside the room and your cunt begins clenching uncontrollably.

Jimin realises this as his hips move even harder against yours and his fingers are relentless on your clit. “Are you gonna cum baby? Are you gonna cum like the dirty little slut you are?”

His words send you over the edge with a loud cry of his name.}}

You repeat the words over and over in your head until you’re a sobbing mess and come harder than you ever did before pressing your palm on your mouth to prevent any noise from getting out.

You lay on your bed spent and breathless, the memory ebbing away once you’re satisfied and your limbs are relaxed in a blissful numbness.

But, that soon also ebbs away, giving its spot to shame.

You just rubbed one off to Jimin.

And yeah okay you did sleep with him once, but you hadn’t used the memories to pleasure yourself before.

Oh god, this is getting out of hand.

You gotta end this crush of yours before it devours you.

[its5amandimstillawake]

Ok so this may seem random but I just binge watched bobs burger, all 10 seasons of it. And I had always heard it was like American Dad or family guy, hell when I googled "what to watch if you liked Bob's burgers" or looked for shows similar American Dad and family guy came up. Now I hated family guy and American Dad growing up, my dad watched it and I just never enjoyed it. But I watched a compilation on YouTube of Bob's burgers and it seemed decent so I decided to give it a shot and im glad I did. Unlike American Dad or family guy, two shows that have the goal to offend people, and who's humor heavily relies on steriotype or references, Bob's burgers doesn't feel dated, doesn't rely on steriotype, it bases it's humor on putting these likeable character that you love into different scenarios and having them reacting to the world around them. And unlike a lot of shows, like I said watched all 10 seasons and it never really got repetitive or boring or annoying I honestly enjoyed every episode, every episode felt new and fresh, even if the idea has been done before. Now there are several things I enjoy about Bob's burgers and I just kind of felt like talking about it so

First, they all, not only love eachother, but also actually like eachother. Now I feel like a lot of people don't quite get what I mean by that. I personally love my mom, I do not like her, I don't like the way she thinks or acts, I always say that If I had met her at school or at work or something and was not related to her I wouldn't like her. I've seen many siblings who love eachother, they'll defend eachother and take care of eachother but for the most part avoid eachother especially if they're at the same school, they don't go out of their way to talk or hang out with eachother. This family all seem to actually like eachother though.

Which leads me to my next point. The Belcher siblings are personally my favorite part of the show, I was actually confused when I first started seeing them all together, because most shows seem to have that sibling relationship of love but not like, and while that's fine and can be realistic, I don't very often see a show that shows a good healthy sibling relationship of siblings actually liking eachother which can also be realistic and is a good thing to teach kids. The Belcher siblings are great, they of course defend eachother and take care of eachother but they're also friends. They walk together in between classes, theyre all in the same friend group, they go out of their way to hang out with eachother and play togetherand have fun together, they eat lunch together and scheme together. Of course they also spend time by themselves and will hang out with their mutual friends without their siblings and have friends outside of the mutual friend group, and of course they get into arguments and disagree with eachother a lot, what siblings don't? But for the most part they get along very well. You won't see any of them embarrassed to be seen with their younger siblings in or out of school, even Tina, the teenager of the group who's going through a lot for the typical teen problems including being embarrassed often and caring a lot about what others in her grade think, will hang out with her little brother and sister, and take part in their mischief, and eat lunch with them and doesn't have a problem with it.

The kids aren't the only one with a uniquely healthy relationship when it comes to these types of shows, we also have their parents, Bob and Linda. Bob isn't the steriotypicaltypical husband that's often portrayed in these types of shows, Bob isn't the husband that complains about how his wife is always nagging or jokes about how being married is awful. Linda isn't the steriotypicaltypical wife, Linda doesn't complain about how her husband can't take care of himself, or seem disgusted by her husband or seem exasperated by the kind of person her husband is. Strangely enough they seem to actually love eachother, and support and encourage eachother and care about eachother and enjoy spending time together and enjoy working together. They enjoy making small fun competitions with eachother and having fun and laughing together. They seem to bring out the best of eachother. And yes they aren't exactly in their honeymoon phase, and may not have that "spark" they first had when they first got together, and they're not exactly the pinnacle of romance, they are however a good representation of a happily married couple who genuinely love and like eachother and have been married for years. And of course they each have their flaws and they have their disagreements and arguments but who doesn't?

And the Belcher kids love and like their parents as well and enjoy being with them and involve them in their antics as well.

And they love and like their kids as well. And given each of the children it would be expected in a show like this for one or two of the children to be considered "disappointments" or "not as good as the favorite child" there's usually a kid who's clearly the favorite and one or more kids who's looked down upon by the parents and everyone else in shows like these, however Bob and Linda genuinely love and are very proud of each of their kids and they both have good relationships with all of their kids. Even in the episode where they spent the entire time showing just how much of a screw up gene was, Bob took gene aside and said that while gene could get distracted and could mess up at times that he was still very proud of him and loved him.

Bob and Linda support their kids in everything they do, even in the episode where gene got interested in "table setting" and got into a competition and his parents didn't quite understand it or understood why someone would enjoy it they still helped and encouraged him and expressed how proud they were that he found something he enjoyed doing.

It's a very healthy family and it's enjoyable to watch.

The show itself, although it has 10 seasons, doesn't ever get annoying or repetitive, every episode seems fresh, like I said binge watched the entire show and was actually pretty sad when I got the final episode and realized I was done and couldn't watch anymore, although the first season was great it got better over time, and personally I thought each season was better then the last.

I like that all the characters seem realistic, their was several episodes with the Belcher kids where I could imagine my younger self and my friends and brother doing similar things. And like I said the parents though loving also seemed like a realistic couple that have been married for years.

I also liked the consitancy. A lot of characters over time will become an exaggerated version of their former selves. For example a character like Patrick star or homer Simpson or Cosmo from fairly odd parents, who start off the show kind of dumb and clueless but not annoyingly so and are still enjoyable, over time will become so damn moronic that you wonder how they've managed to go this long without accidentally killing themselves and it becomes annoying and frustrating and they're no longer likeable.

None of the characters in this show have a character flaw that becomes so extreme they become unlikable, in fact all of the characters in the belcher family are likeable, and stay consistent, thats the point, you want to see them go through these things and want to see them win and come out on top because of how likeable they are. Louise is mischief, she's a prankster, but it's never to the point where she's unlikeable, she's still a good kid who usually doesn't go to far and when she does shes quick to see her mistake, apologize, and try to make it right, if anything a lot of times her pranks are to help defend other people or "bring justice" to people who have been wronged.

She may be a bit extreme but she's still a good kid and you want to see her come out on top. Gene can be loud and extreme and not really get hints, but he wants to befriend people and wants to help people, even though he can be gullible and a bit clueless and as a result can easily get roped into stuff, he tries to help people and make things right when he sees things going south, he's a sweet kid.

And Tina can be innapropriate, and can be selfish at times and not always see the big picture, but like gene and Louise when she sees that she's messed up she immediately tries to fix it and make things right, she has a stronger moral compass then either of her siblings and usually the voice of reason and helps people out whatever situation they're in, including her siblings who can often end up in some pretty bad situations, and is willing to take the fall for the sake of others.

Bob can by cynical, and a bit extreme about things he cares about (work, turkeys, Thanksgiving in general) and when he gets extreme he won't think things all the way through he'll just react, but he means well, he cares about his family and will put aside his obsessions for his family and is willing to sacrifice those things for his family. Hell one of the things hes obsessed with is Thanksgiving, he will make sure everything goes PERFECTLY and will get very upset if they're not perfect and will go crazy trying to make it perfect, but the reason Thanksgiving is his favorite holiday and the reason he cares so much is because of his love for his family and because Thanksgiving to him is being with your family. And even he is willing to sacrifice his Thanksgiving to be there for his friend, teddy, who's alone and without his family.

Linda can also be extreme and not think things all the way through but like bob, she means well, the times she gets extreme is typically when it involves her family and trying to do everything in her power to make them happy, and to do what she considers the morally right thing to do, even if it means going a little crazy and taking things a bit to far while doing so. I think a good example of this was when Louise got in trouble at school for causing problems, she was causing problems because a couple of kids were picking on a smaller kid and she was attempting to defend the kid, Linda thinks it's morally wrong to punish Louise for defending a kid and breaks Louis out of detention from the window (also breaking the school's AC in the process) to get her some ice cream all while having to avoid mr.frond, the school counselor who's around the same area. It's a good example of how it makes for a funny episode and flawed characters because of how extreme they can get but how they're motivation and reasonings makes them likeable and makes you root for them.

Anyway. I know this is kind of random it just kind of bothered me that I don't really see bobs burgers being talked about very often and I see it being compared to American Dad and family guy when, from what I've seen of the two shows, it's not really similar at all

[paulinedorchester]

Garrett, Leah. X Troop: The Secret Jewish Commandos of World War II. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2021; London: Vintage Publishing, 2021.

(The American cover is on the left, the British on the right.)

Every so often, gifs from something called X Company cross my dashboard. When I came across Leah Garrett’s book X Troop, my first thought was that it must treat the same subject, but it seems that that can’t be the case: Garrett maintains that none of this story has ever been told before, because most of the documentation remained classified until very recently. (She claims to have single-handedly declassified many sealed British military records.) X Troop is about No. 10 (Inter-Allied) Commando, 3 Troop, commonly referred to as X Troop, comprising 87 German, Austrian, and (in a few cases) Hungarian refugees, all but five of them Jewish (at least under Nazi racial laws — I’ll get to that). It is indeed an extraordinary story, and occasionally an infuriating one. Garrett has done a tremendous public service in relating this tale, but the book itself has some puzzling — no, let's be honest, irritating — aspects.

The men who would make up X Troop left their native countries in their mid to late ’teens during the late 1930s, most of them without their parents as passengers on the Kindertransport. They occupied themselves in various ways until the middle of 1940 when, apparently without exception, they were interned on the Isle of Man, in Canada, or in Australia, to which more than 2,500 of them were transported on the H.M.T. Dunera, a dangerously over-crowded liner on which they endured conditions so horrific that the officer in charge — Major William Patrick Scott, a gleeful sadist and anti-Semite — ended up being court-martialed.

It is heartening to be able to report that British public opinion appears to have turned strongly against wholesale internment by mid-1941, but it wasn’t until that December that the internees were released from confinement. Those who had been transported overseas were offered immediate permission to return to the U.K. — if they volunteered for the Pioneer Corps, and I’m grateful to Garrett for providing the first detailed explanation that I’ve seen of what that meant. It wasn’t a good situation: they did menial labor and were bored out of their minds.

In the summer of 1942, they were finally offered an opportunity to join in the fight against the Nazis. This appears to be an instance in which the “great man” theory of history is perfectly valid, Lord Mountbatten being the great man in question. Garrett explains:

Mountbatten made a bold suggestion [to Winston Churchill]: they should create a new special unit of commandos, different from anything used before. Rather than coming from the ranks of the army or the navy, No. 10 (Inter-Allied) Commando would be composed of soldiers made up of displaced nationals such as Poles, Norwegians, and Frenchmen. Each of the units . . . would be used for different missions depending on their native languages. They would be unified by the shared desire to drive the Nazis out of their home countries. These commandos, highly trained and highly motivated, would lead the way when the time came for the Allies’ invasion of Europe.

And that’s exactly what happened. There were French, Dutch, Belgian, Norwegian, Polish, and Yugoslavian troops within No. 10 (Inter-Allied) Commando. There was also a troop known as the “British” troop, made up of Germanophones. That was X Troop (a nickname Churchill gave them). “X Troop would be Britain’s secret shock troop in the war against Germany,” Garrett relates:

They would kill and capture Nazis on the battlefield. But that would not be all. They would also immediately interrogate captured Germans, be it in the heat of the battle or right afterward. The men’s fluency in German would enable them to get essential intelligence that would guide the next moment’s choices rather than having to wait to interview prisoners until they were back at headquarters. ... They would have to be in peak form both physically and mentally. And because they were nearly all Jewish refugees from the Third Reich, they also would need to be diligently protected.

The situation was particularly dire because most were stateless — stripped of their citizenship in Germany or Austria, but refused naturalization by the Home Office. As one officer later recalled, “If any of them were captured in battle and their true identity had been revealed, their fate would have been almost impossible to contemplate.” (Those who chose to remain in the U.K. after the war faced an uphill battle in gaining British citizenship, as Garrett relates. She tells us nothing, incidentally, about Jewish personnel in the other No. 10 (Inter-Allied) Commando Troops.)

The first step was to have them adopt pseudonyms. When they arrived in Aberdovey (now Aberdyfi), Wales, for training they were each given 30 minutes to come up with a nom de guerre. They also had to concoct false backgrounds to explain why they spoke English with foreign accents. One man told the couple with whom he was billeted “that his accent was somewhat peculiar because his father had traveled a lot on business,” an unlikely story that they apparently accepted without question.

X Troop personnel were involved in the Dieppe raid — which may have been a mistake, as the troop was just past its infancy and several of the men were killed — and the Sicily landings and their aftermath, but of course all of that was really just a warm-up for the invasion of Normandy and, beyond that, Germany. More than half of the book is devoted to this. Assigned to various units, nearly all of the commandos landed at Sword Beach on June 6th, 1944, and proceeded into Central Europe, achieving victory after victory. Garrett places great emphasis on anger as their motivator: anger at the disruption of their lives and at their uncertainly over the fate of their parents and other relatives.

Leah Garrett is American; she is also Jewish. Like the overwhelming majority of my fellow Jews in this country, she is incapable of acknowledging the possibility of viable Jewish life outside of the U.S. or Israel. Her main piece of evidence for this view, which she hammers home repeatedly, is the fact that all but three of the surviving X-Troopers (22 were killed in action) chose to continue using their noms-de-guerre after the war — and, as she is at pains to point out, all of those who resumed their original names ended up emigrating to the United States! (The book’s excellent index helps the reader keep track of who was whom.) It’s true that names hold an important place in Jewish culture, but coming from someone using Garrett as a surname, her attitude comes across as either oblivious or chutzpadik, I’m not quite sure which. She also seems not to know that, historically at least, Jewish immigrants to Britain have changed their names with an assiduousness that makes the same phenomenon in the U.S. look like a mere blip.

Garrett also informs us, in the written equivalent of hushed tones, that some of the men who settled in the U.K. after the war married gentile women and brought up their children as at least nominal members of various Christian bodies. I share her discomfort with this, to be sure, but in order to maintain her shocked, shocked, stance she has to ignore something that she has in fact explained at some length in the book’s early chapters: a significant percentage of the future X-Troopers had only one or two Jewish grand-parents apiece, were brought up as Lutherans or Roman Catholics, and had absolutely no idea that they had any Jewish forebears until Nazi racial laws forced the issue into view. While I’ve known quite a few converts to Judaism whose initial impetus was the discovery of Jewish ancestry, it’s a bit much to expect that everyone will react that way. On the other hand, it’s dispiriting to learn that the inscription on the monument to X Troop that was raised in Aberdyfi in 1999 does not include the words Jews or Jewish.

Garrett is Professor of Jewish Studies and Director of the Jewish Studies Center at Hunter College, part of the City University of New York (CUNY), a post she has held since 2018; she previously taught at the University of Denver and Monash University. As a former CUNY faculty member myself, I’m in a position to tell you that (a) even as a full professor, she won’t have been hired with tenure, and (b) this book probably won’t help her to achieve it. It’s a great read on an important topic and represents prodigious research, but as a work of scholarship it has several marks against it. It doesn’t come from an academic publisher. It has only a partial scholarly apparatus — end notes, but no bibliography, or even a list of the many abbreviations used in the notes. Those notes aren’t always as useful as one would like, I might add: after relating that some of the men interned in Australia chose to remain there permanently, Garrett announces that they “would forever change the landscape of Australia. They would be known as the Dunera boys and would become leaders in the arts, sciences, culinary arts, and industry during the twentieth century,” but fails to give us any clue as to where we can go to find out more.

She also adopts an informal writing style that alternates between the faintly slangy (“All the evidence I’ve found points to ... ”) and the unnecessarily dramatic: two key chapters are written entirely in the present tense, a strategy that would normally be after my own heart, but which feels contrived in this context. It also seems not to be the case that none of this has ever been written about previously, as Garrett asserts. (Last but not least, Garrett recently resigned from CUNY’s faculty union, which may end up affecting her status there, as tenure recommendations are made by union members.)

Mixed feelings, then; but the book is worth reading, and I can recommend it.

[wolftraps]

Do you have more Shay in human school stuff?

So, technically this does include stuff with Shay in human school. Mostly though it’s Del&Shay... yeah. Also, as always, this got longer than intended. Uhh, warning for mild homo/transphobia.

Del knows fear. It’s not that there was anything in his life to cause that fear. It’s just that for as long as he can remember, there’s been a sense of wrongness in his life that he couldn’t identify. And without a source for that feeling, something to point to and say “That. That’s what’s wrong. That’s what scares me.” he’d just become afraid of everything.

Fight or flight, people say. That’s how humans respond to fear. Instinct. Even at six, when his dad says that instinct is broken in Del, Del thinks that’s dumb. People react to fear in all kinds of ways, and there are all kinds of fear that they react to differently. It’s not an either or. 

We fear things because we don’t understand them, Del’s mum says. Like sharks. Or wolves. We see sharp teeth and we think “danger” because we don’t understand that the creature behind those teeth doesn’t mean us any harm. Fear is a misunderstanding. Del spends a lot of his childhood trying to understand everything, so maybe he can stop being scared. But understanding that the water isn’t trying to hurt you doesn’t make anyone less afraid of drowning.

It’s his cousin, Nel (short for Nelson, but Del always liked that, Del and Nel), eighteen and rebellious, that ends up helping the most. He takes Del out to the cinema and they meet his boyfriend there. Del likes Gavin, but his aunt and uncle don’t- something about “bad influences”- so they can only meet up other places. It’s after the film, as they’re walking out, that a couple guys seem to have an issue with how Nel and his boyfriend are holding hands. They say things Del knows are supposed to be mean, but Nel doesn’t get mad or scared. There’s no fight or flight. He just sighs and asks Gavin in a quiet voice to get the manager.

While he’s gone, Nel says nothing. Not until one starts getting in his face, yelling at him to say something. Then Nel sticks the hand that isn’t holding Del’s in his pocket and leans back almost casually.

“You hungry?” he asks. The guy just… stops.

“What?”

“We were planning to get something to eat. You can join us if you want.”

He doesn’t want, but he and his friends walk away without a fuss when the manager comes.

Later, Del asks in awe how Nel did it. Wasn’t he scared? How was he so brave? Nel laughs, but it isn’t a happy laugh.

“It’s not ‘bout ‘brave,’” he says. “It’s about compliance.” Del doesn’t know what that means. “Fear’s a really messed up sort of power when it’s done on purpose. And it’s just a bad warning sign when it’s not. Lashing out won’t help no one, and running away’s not gonna work forever. So instead you gotta be contrary. Figure out what that fear wants you to do, and then don’t.

“Those dicks wanted me to fight, so they could keep thinking I’m wrong; the enemy. So I offered to be friends. Ma, pops, they’re afraid of Gavin. They’re afraid he’s gonna get me in trouble ‘cause he doesn’t understand that I can’t get away with the same things he can. I can’t buy my way out of my mistakes. They make this a real unfriendly place to be ‘cause they want him to be as scared as they are. But running away won’t help, no matter how much their fear wants him to. We’re still gonna love each other. So instead of running away and breaking my heart, he stays and takes care of me. He learns the world how I see it, so instead of pulling me into fear by accident, he can protect me from it on purpose.

“Look, cuz, there’s a lot in this world to be scared of. You just gotta figure out what’s behind it and get good at arguing. Fear says ‘there’s something hiding in the dark,’ you say ‘then why can’t I hear it?’ It says ‘you’re running out of air,’ you say ‘if light can get in, so can air.’ It says ‘they’re going to attack you,’ you say ‘not if I distract them first.’ It says ‘you can’t do it,’ you say ‘watch me.’

“But most important, and I need you to listen to me here, kay? You listening?” Del nods with all the gravity an eight-year-old can muster. “You remember nothing else, you remember this: Fear tells you ‘you should be ashamed of what you are,’ you say ‘I should only be ashamed of what I do.’ If you not hurting nobody, you got nothing to be ashamed of.”

It doesn’t always work, of course. When Fear says ‘you’re going to get hurt,’ you can’t just say ‘no, I won’t.’ You have to ask ‘will it be worth it?’ But it helps.

So when Del is eleven and a new kid comes to school, Fear yells ‘Danger.’ and Del looks at the distance everyone has put between them and this serious-looking kid with eyes like storm clouds, and at the extra sweets his mum had packed, and he thinks back ‘Yeah, but dangerous to who?’

-

It’s not always easy being Shay’s friend. It’s pretty hard sometimes actually. And there’s a fear that Del recognizes from his aunt and uncle. He’s afraid that one of these days, he’s going to get in trouble because Shay doesn’t understand that they’re different.

Shay is… Shay is a wildfire. A whirlwind. Shay is something that sweeps you up with a force beyond your comprehension, and if you’re not careful, you’re going to break or burn before it passes. 

Del had thought them serious at first, and they are sometimes, but he wouldn’t describe them that way. Passionate, maybe. Restless, definitely. Impulsive, unfortunately. Terrifying, yes. But serious, no. And wrong, never. All Del’s life, something has been wrong, and he fears both what it is and that he’ll never figure it out, but he thinks ‘I’ve lived just fine so far without knowing, and at least it’s not Shay.’

Even when Shay gets stressed over History class and their teacher’s house floods. Even when bullies repeatedly trip and break their noses. Even when Mrs. Patrick sends Shay to the headmaster with mutters about expulsion and a strong wind sends a rock hurtling through her window. When they break up with Lisa and it storms for a week. When Chris calls their parents freaks and the ground shakes. When they’re in one of their moods and a teacher snatches their fidget tool from their hands, only to drop it with a cry of pain as the smell of burnt flesh fills the room. Through it all, Del knows that whatever is wrong in their life, it isn’t Shay.

That doesn’t make it easier when Shay is annoyed and he feels like he stepped on a Lego every time he tries to talk to them about it. Or when they’re excited and the wind near them is so strong it’s hard to breathe. Or when they’re upset and Del has to walk all the way to the Blackwood Institute in 40C heat because a series of accidents have slowed transit. Or when they take up freerunning and they laugh at Del’s worry every time they take a fall that would send anyone else to A&E. Or when Shay realizes how these things affect Del and they get that stricken look and avoid him for a week.

It doesn’t make it easier when Shay acknowledges none of this.

They never lie about it- Shay’s a terrible liar- but they talk around it or laugh it off. And it’s the only time Del ever sees anything like fear in their eyes, so he doesn’t push it.

‘You’re going to get hurt,’ Fear says, time and time again.

With Shay holding his hand as he tells his family he’s gay. With Shay threatening to burn down the stage if he doesn’t get the part. With Shay staying up late to tutor him in math. With Shay offering to unleash their parents on the teacher who calls him stupid. With Shay backstage, very carefully learning how to apply make-up because Del’s hands are shaking too hard from nerves. With Shay laughing and laughing as he cringes over their puns. With Shay always, always stepping in between him and the dark. Del replies, ‘Yeah, but it’s worth it.’

-

Shay had sworn they’d be there opening night of Del’s first lead performance. They were going out of town for a while, but they’d sworn they’d be back for it. The wrongness has been getting worse and worse, and the only time it seems to get better is when Del’s on stage, but that doesn’t matter if it’s just replaced by the wrongness of Shay not being there. They’re supposed to talk tonight. High on Del’s success, they’re supposed to talk and Shay is supposed to help figure this out and then maybe, hopefully, they’ll talk about their thing too. But they can’t do that if Shay isn’t there.

They aren’t there before the play. They aren’t there after. They don’t respond to any messages. They don’t answer any calls. Over and over people come up with congratulations. With praise. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because Shay isn’t there. The cast goes out for the afterparty, but they all give up on talking to Del quickly, and it doesn’t matter.

At 3AM, unable to sleep, Del resorts to messaging Shay’s dad, asking if they’re okay, breath held until lungs scream in an attempt to beat back the panic.

‘Something is wrong,’ Fear says. ‘So what?’ Del asks.

‘Shay is hurt/dead/wrong,’ Fear says. ‘Even if they are, they’ll recover,’ Del says back. ‘Shay always recovers.’

‘You’re going to get hurt,’ Fear says. ‘It’s worth it for Shay,’ Del snaps.

Mr. Blackwood messages back “They will be.” and “I promise they’ll call as soon as we get them back.” As if that isn’t utterly terrifying. It’s okay. It’s okay, that’s just how Shay’s dad is. They’ve always said he never realizes he’s being creepy until someone tells him.

‘There’s no air,’ Fear says. And Del’s eyes are hard to force open, but open they do. ‘If the light can get in, so can the air,’ Del replies.

Del messages Mr. Blackwood “When?”

“Soon,” he says.

“Can I wait with you?”

“Of course.”

Del doesn’t have to ask where. Shay’s dad is always at the Institute. The doors are locked, but someone is always there. It’s not the night guard but Mr. Blackwood’s cat that opens the door, though, somehow, and leads Del down to the archives.

‘You’re being watched,’ Fear says. ‘I really don’t care,’ Del replies.

The office door is open. Mr. Blackwood stands when Del walks in. He’s not big on touch, Del knows. Or eye contact. But he puts his hands on Del’s arms and looks in Del’s eyes when he says, “They’re going to be alright, Miss Jackson.” and doesn’t seem to mind when Del throws her arms around him and sobs into his shoulder, because something just turned right in the world and it doesn’t matter because Shay’s still missing.

“Jon?” someone asks from behind her. Martin. Del can’t bear to look up.

“We’re alright, Martin,” Jon says, rubbing a hand over Del’s back.

“Right… I’ll make us some tea.”

Martin gives better hugs than Jon, so it’s him Del is sitting with on the couch half an hour later, talking about her options and one of the Institute therapists who can help if she wants to think about transitioning, and it’s all a bit overwhelming honestly, but it’s a good distraction until the sound of a door creaking open has them all falling silent. There’s a door that shouldn’t be there. Sasha comes through first, inhuman hands depositing a man’s head on Jon’s desk. The rest of his body seems to be draped over Ms. Tonner’s shoulder. Her eyes flash in the light and her teeth seem a bit too sharp through her grimace. And Del really couldn’t give a shit about any of that, because there’s Shay, smiling an exhausted smile, and it’s actually kind of nice how warm they are when she hugs them, even if it would worry Del on anyone else.

“Oh shit,” they say after a second. “The play.”

“It’s fine,” Del assures them, wiping away her tears. “Wasn’t my best performance anyway.”

“Fuck that,” Shay says. “I bet you were perfect.”

“So,” Shay says later as Del lays in their bed beside them, struggling to keep her eyes open. “You’re a girl.”

“So,” Del says through a yawn, “you’re a monster.”

“Yeah, but you knew that even when you thought I was human.” They laugh as Del fails to blindly smack their arm. There’s a long moment of silence, and Del is almost asleep when they finally say, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” she asks. “Being a monster? Or not telling me?”

“Both?”

“Hey.” Del waits until Shay finally looks over at her. “Never be ashamed of what you are. Only what you do.”

“Then I’m sorry for lying.”

Del laughs. “You never lied. You’re a terrible liar. I would’ve pulled it from you way before now if you’d lied.”

“Still.”

“Apology accepted. Now shut up and get some sleep.”

“You know I don’t actually need to sleep?”

Del forces her eyes open one last time, just so she can roll them. “Well I do, so you might as well get some anyway.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too, arsehole.”

‘You’re going to get hurt,’ Fear says. ‘Fuck off,’ Del replies.

-

Her parents don’t take it well. Being gay, they can understand. For some reason, being trans is harder. They try, she’ll give them that. They do try. It’s still uncomfortable being home, though. Instead, she spends more time with Shay, who doesn’t care. With Shay’s family, who just knew. At some point, even Ms. Tonner tells her, “You can call me Daisy, Del,” and they let her blame the hormones when she cries.

When Chris laughs at her, the floor below him mysteriously crumbles into a sinkhole. When she gets denied the first female role she auditions for, lightning hits the theater and the play has to be delayed for repairs.

“You really shouldn’t have done that,” she tells Shay.

“Freak accident,” they lie, terribly.

When the Dark reaches out for her, it touches Shay and burns. When the walls start closing in and she can’t breathe, Shay crumbles them and all Del feels is a breeze.

‘You’re going to get hurt,’ Fear says.

‘It’s worth it,’ Del replies. And when a terrified man starts raving at Shay as they’re trying to show him out of the Institute, Del doesn’t hesitate to get between them and shut him down with a harsh order to leave. He still doesn’t go of his own volition, but he’s taken back enough for the spider on his neck to get a solid hold.

Martin goes to all her plays. Jon helps her apply to uni. Sasha runs lines with her. Basira reads all her books to help her study. Daisy shows her how to pin someone twice her size. Shay grins.

It’s worth it. 

But the summer after they graduate, Shay meets Willa. 

Del won’t deny being a bit jealous, but that isn’t why she doesn’t like Willa. It’s because Willa would never tell Shay “You shouldn’t have done that,” even if she was secretly pleased. Willa would never step between Shay and an angry man to keep Shay from doing something they’d regret. Willa wouldn’t do anything she could to pull Shay back when they got too close to the edge. Willa is fuel to the fire, and the problem isn’t even that.

The problem is, she makes Shay forget they don’t like fire, and they love her for it.

“I’m worried,” Del says. “I’m afraid. Shay, you’re going to get hurt.”

“No, I won’t,” Shay says. But that’s wrong. That’s not how you respond to the fear of pain. They smile at her, and it hurts. It hurts. “You’re wrong about her. It’s going to be fine.”

But it isn’t.

‘You’re going to get hurt,’ Fear says. ‘It’s worth it,’ Del replies. Will always reply. It’s worth it for Shay. Now and forever.

But.

‘They’re going to destroy themself,’ Fear says. ‘And there will be nothing you can do but watch.’

And that. That’s not. Nothing is worth that. But what else can she do? She can’t keep them safe from themself.

As long as Shay never told her they were a monster, they’d thought, then maybe to her they weren’t. They were wrong, of course. Shay isn’t a monster to her even now. Shay is her best friend, her family, and nothing less.

‘You can’t help them,’ Fear says, and Del says ‘I know.’

She goes to Jon before she leaves.

“I can’t stay,” she tells him. “I can’t watch them walk into this knowing there’s nothing I can do.”

“I understand,” he says, sad but honest. “We’ll still be here. You aren’t leaving them alone.” And she knows. That’s the only reason she can do this.

“Just… I don’t know what I’m going to do without them.” Jon’s still terrible at hugs, but he tries, and he still doesn’t care when she sobs into his shoulder. “They’re going to make it through this, right?”

“They will. I know this is hard, but we understand.”

“You can still call us, you know,” Daisy says from behind her. “We won’t say anything. You don’t have to be alone either.”

“Are you joking?” she laughs. “You’re all terrible liars.”

“Okay, call Martin, then.”

“No. No, I- I think I need to try, at least. And, you know, if sometimes it feels like I’m being watched… I won’t mind.”

“Good girl,” Daisy says, and makes Del lean down so she can kiss her forehead. “If you try to lose our numbers—”

“Martin will just add them back in, I know.”

“Good. Come on, think you still have some things at ours. You’re staying the night. We’ll take you to the station tomorrow.”

“You’re going to get hurt,” she tells Shay just before boarding the train that will take her to university. To the next chapter of her life. Without them. “I hope someday you can show up to one of my plays and tell me it’s worth it. But until then, I can’t bear to sit here and just let it happen. I love you. So much. But until you can say, with absolute certainty, that this is worth what you’ll lose… please don’t contact me.”

‘Well done,’ Fear says. ‘You got yourself hurt.’

‘If it makes them reconsider,’ Del replies, ‘just enough that they survive… then it’s worth it.’

‘You’ll never see them again,’ Fear says.

“Yes, I will,” Del states, because anything else is unthinkable. Yes, she will.

[illogicallyinclined]

Family Time, Lads

tw: transphobia mention (emile)

Emile

so, emile’s parents are... a complicated issue for him at the moment. the thing is that they have been, objectively speaking, solid parents. they have always wanted what was best for their children in the past, and they have done their best to provide a loving environment for their children to grow up in. emile loves them. he really does.

HOWEVER. the christian values that emile’s parents were raised on has also made them -- or, at least emile’s father -- close-minded in respect to some issues.

see, when emile came out as gay in the seventh grade, it went fine. his mother adjusted well, swapping out her heteronormative questions with ones more suited for his sexuality (i.e. “any girls that have caught your eye in school?” became “any guys”, etc. etc). she came with him to his first pride. she told him that she would fight the entirety of the schoolboard if he couldn’t take boyfriend to prom. god, she’s the best. 

his father took the news a little harder, but still not ... badly? like. he was stiff and awkward and didn’t know what to say for a while, but he was also quick to reassure emile that it was just a him thing, he’ll work it out, give it some time. and he did! he did work it out, and everything went back to normal, and it was great. 

but then. then emile’s little brother came out as trans. emile’s brother introduced himself to their parents, and then everything went -- and now is currently going -- wrong.

emile doesn’t really know the details of how his dad reacted -- patrick didn’t want to talk about it on the phone -- but apparently his mom and dad are fighting now. his mom wants his dad to go see a therapist specializing in LGBT+ issues. emile is inclined to agree. his dad is violently resisting, unwilling to recognize that he is in the wrong. emile... doesn’t know how to feel. he doesn’t know what to say or do or think. so he’s just. ignoring it for now. problem for later him. patrick’s emotions are the priority. 

emile loves his mom, he can tell you that. and he loved his dad, too. still does, because this is his dad, and his dad, in the past, has never deliberately done anything to hurt his family

but now? now things are changing. and emile doesn’t have a clue where to go from here.

Remy

despite the fact that remy is a Child of Divorce, Remy probably has one of the most comfortable home lives of anyone on the team. his parents split when he was two years old because they knew that they weren’t happy together. it was... surprisingly not a contentious split. they got shared custody. remy spent more time with his mother -- her home was closer to the school district -- but his father got him most weekends, so.

remy’s father is wealthy. like. wealthy wealthy. he sends remy Nice Gifts pretty frequently. remy partially wonders if it’s out of guilt for never teaching remy about his mexican heritage -- remy can’t speak spanish at all, which fucking sucks because it meant that he never fit in with either his white OR his hispanic peers -- but it’s... whatever. it’s fine. remy found friends anyway, and now two of those friends are teaching him spanish instead

remy’s mom loves him and has always been there for him, but after his father, she ended up dating some asshole named Michael that remy just. can’t stand. the guy is pretentious, and obnoxious, and he whines about everything like. all the time.

then, she MARRIED the asshole, and now remy has a dickhead frat bro older brother, too. ugh. at least he only had to live with the guy for two years.

D

D’s parents died in a car crash when he was four years old. he remembers very little about them -- almost nothing at all, actually -- and he spent years wondering what they were like before he realized that doing so was only hurting him in the end

D was a... problem child: a pathological liar, something that he’s still working on to this day. a pariah, cast out by his peers for having a sharp-temper and “ugly” patches of skin. he got into trouble frequently, and he was nearly arrested a number of times for a number of things. 

that said, he bounced from foster home to foster home, and with each move, he became more hopeless. more bitter. more hurt and angry and uncontrollable in his confusion. virgil was there to witness it firsthand -- watched D grow more volatile and out of control -- and the tension in their friendship built and built until it reached a breaking point the summer before their senior year.

at this point in time, D was being fostered by a kind, middle-aged couple that had been patient with him. had been gentle. that’s what made it so much worse -- if they had been assholes, then he knew that when he inevitably lost them, it would hurt so much less.

D got into some Heavy Shit that year. he figured, if he was going to get kicked out of one last foster home -- out of this foster home -- before his eighteenth birthday, better make it worth it. better make it count.

except his last set of foster parents... didn’t kick him out? they -- they bailed him out. they sat him down to talk. they told him, under no uncertain circumstances, that they weren’t going anywhere, and neither was he. (they... wanted to keep him?)

they weren’t able to adopt him before he turned 18. too much legal-work. too little time. however, they did conduct a simpler, still-legal adoption after he became an adult. 

Virgil

virgil’s dad left when he was four years old. much like D, he remembers very little about this man. unlike D, he never really bothers to think about it too much.

see, virgil’s mom was fantastic. is fantastic. she tried and continues to try so, so hard for him.

they lived below the poverty line. his mother worked two jobs. the time she had available to spend with him was brief, but it was always wonderful. 

at the same time, virgil feels... guilty when he thinks about how hard his mother works for him. he offered to go to a community college, but she vehemently fought against it because she knew he wouldn’t be able to play hockey there. he told her he didn’t want anything for his birthday, and she sent him a jersey anyway. she is always pushing herself harder and harder to give him more than he can even bring himself to ask her

it’s part of the reason that he wants to go professional in hockey, actually. because the moment he becomes a player that is worth anything at all, he is going to absolutely drown his mother in presents.

[tysonbaerrie]

hockey fic recs

An anon asked for my favorite hockey fic a while back, and I got so distracted re-reading my faves that it took longer than I planned. Also, I just hit 300 followers, so this seemed like a perfect time post some of my favorite fics in this crazy hockey fandom that I adore. 

GEN

Dry Spell by @marmolita -  Five times people failed to break Tyler's goal-scoring curse and one time they succeeded.

I absolutely love this fic, if only because every time I see Sebastian Aho now I think about how he’s a magical elf. 

JAMIE BENN/TYLER SEGUIN

Jump Into That Water by @greymichaela - You are not your biology. Tyler’s mother had told him that so many times growing up. When he told her he wanted to play hockey but was afraid to go up against so many alphas.You are not your biology. When an alpha triggered his heat during a scrum and Tyler had to be carried off the ice, fever already burning up his bones.You are not your biology. Tyler wishes he could believe her.

I love the A/B/O dynamics at play here, and Tyler’s characterization is spot on. One of the first A/B/O fics I read and I still think about it on the regular. 

Silence by @kwriteshockey -  Jamie and Tyler hook up. They know it's a bad idea. They can't stop.

I think this is the first fic of Kira’s that I got a sneak peek of and I couldn’t stop thinking about it until she posted the full fic. There’s longing and emotions and pining and basically all of my favorite things in one fic. 

Assist by hatrickane -  Tyler has gone so long without touching an alpha that it's starting to have a negative effect on him. Good thing Jamie is always willing to help him out.

Literally the first A/B/O fic I ever read and still one of my favorites. 

SIDNEY CROSBY/EVGENI MALKIN

a thrill that I have never known by Mellow_Yellow - Sidney always knew his family would pick who he ended up with. It was how things were done, and no matter what the outside world thought, he'd never questioned it before because it was just the reality: ice was frozen, getting checked against the boards knocked the wind out of you, one day Sid would be matched to someone his parents and the matchmaker and his aunts and uncles and his community thought was the best fit for him. And best of all, Sidney wouldn't have to worry about it. He would just focus on hockey. He'd deal with it one day. Eventually. 'One day' had seemed so much farther away when he was younger.

I wish there were a thousand fics in this AU for all of my favorite pairings. I love the themes, Sid’s characterization, his relationship with his religion, and the evolution of his relationship with Geno. Still my favorite Sidgeno fic and a favorite re-read. 

First Day of My Life by ChibiRHM -  The first girl Sid ever falls in love with is named Rachel Forbes. When he first meets her, she’s four weeks old, pink, and squishy-looking. Objectively, she’s kind of ugly, but she’s so tiny when he sees her in the incubator at NICU, and he’s never seen a baby that small.

I love kidfic and this is good kidfic. How Sid and Geno slowly fall in love and their love of Rachel is just....god, so good. This fic is like a warm blanket. 

SIDNEY CROSBY/TRAVIS KONENCY

(How Do We Fall Apart?) Faster Than a Hairpin Trigger by crookedsilence -  Since presenting at fifteen, Sid has had no interest in finding a mate or bonding. Unfortunately, mind over matter only takes you so far in life, and in the summer of 2016, he finds himself receiving some less-than-encouraging news about his biological needs.

I know, okay? I know but this is so good and it’s the fic that made me decide to claim a Sid/TK prompt for Pucking Rare and the fact that there’s only three fics for this pairing is criminal. 

TRAVIS KONECNY/NOLAN PATRICK

got my eyes on you by Anonymous - Travis lets himself into Kevin’s house with his key and maybe screams a little bit at the sight of the tall, shirtless stranger with a tiny ponytail who’s washing dishes in his kitchen. Said stranger doesn’t even really react, just looks over his shoulder with a flat, unimpressed look. “What are you doing here?” he asks, in a low, rumbly voice.Weird attitude for a burglar to have. Or maybe some kind of crazed fan? He’s pretty big, but Travis thinks he could take him. Maybe. “What am I doing here?” he kind of yells. Sue him, he’s still in shock. “Who the fuck are you?”

My fave quarantine fic I’ve read. This is just so cute and fluffy and just so very TK and Patty. 

TYSON BARRIE/GABRIEL LANDESKOG

I Would Never Leave You In The Dark (gave you the center of my heart) by Bluejay141519 - Tyson flinches. His breathing is shaky but he’s been nothing short of a wreck for the last few days. He can do this. He owes Gabe this.“ He said yes to dating you for real, remember? He said yes once. Give him a reason to say it again .” (Or- Tyson fucks up).

My favorite Landesbarrie fic. Tyson’s an idiot, Gabe is soft, and the whole thing is just everything I look for in a fic. I’ve probably re-read it half a dozen times. 

the light through the windowpane by underwaternow - It still probably wouldn’t have amounted to anything besides Tyson’s own personal suffering if it wasn’t for the game against the Blues a week later. Brayden drops his gloves before the puck even hits the ice, and after an extremely shitty loss Gabe corners Tyson once the media has left the room, as he’s shoving his helmet back into his bag. or, the one where Gabe and Tyson fall in love, break up, Gabe gets married, Tyson falls apart a little, they don't speak to each other for awhile, and then they finally make up. colloquially referred to as “sad fic” but there's very much a happy ending or, the one that's “about” “Gabe and Tyson” but is really Tyson's story

This fic broke my heart and then slowly put it back together again. Through most of the fic, I wasn’t even sure I wanted them to be together, but by the end I was crying into my pillow at 2AM. 

MICHAEL LATTA/TOM WILSON

Salt Year by pukeandcry - Mike will never play hockey again, and he’ll never have the life he had in D.C. with Tom again, and those things were – they were all he wanted. He had exactly what he wanted in life, at least for a short time, right up until an otherwise clean hit against the boards just happened to land in a freakish, nightmare way and shatter his left leg in more places than he can even remember now. His whole life had been stolen away in a matter of seconds. And that’s exactly the kind of thing he can’t think about if he wants to get through the day.

This was recced to me by a friend, and I had never read this pairing before but it absolutely wrecked me. Complicated, messy, but beautiful and it hurts in the best way. 

PATRICK KANE/JONATHAN TOEWS

Trust Fall by trademarkgiggle - Patrick's always thought of himself as a difficult sub. What he doesn't know is that in the hands of the right dom, he'll melt. (Jonny is the right dom.)

So, okay. I really don’t care for Patrick Kane and some of the kinks in this fic are not my thing, but I was recced this by @kkane88 and I though okay let’s give it a shot because I trust her taste without question. I ended up staying up all night at one point because I couldn’t stop reading this and was basically liveblogging my reactions to her as I went along and I feel like that’s how we truly bonded lol. 

Blur by @kwriteshockey -  Patrick's in love with Jonny, but he can't have him. He decides to go home with Kesler. (He doesn't).

SPEAKING OF KIRA (again!), let’s talk about how she made me feel feelings with this gem of a fic. We love possessive jealous Jonny more than anything. 

[umbrellafics]

Hello fellow umbrellas I’m gonna give my two cents on Lila and her relationship with Diego

*SEASON TWO SPOILERS AHEAD*

Lila’s Character

Lila is a personal favorite tua character of mine but I do have some criticisms for her which can be found here. Now in my opinion The Umbrella Academy characters are meant to have flaws and be realistically portrayed to make them more relatable and I enjoy that aspect of the show. Lila is a character that can relate to those who have been manipulated by their parental figures, similar to the original seven. Now I’m going to try to pinpoint some core facets of Lila’s character.

Her fear of her parental figure (The Handler)

Her lack of a male figure in her life

Her distancing and lack of empathy toward people she distrusts

Her lack/need of an emotional support (The Handler showed some but mainly treated Lila as a coworker)

Her need to be a sheep but want to be a trailblazer

(If you have any more facets I’d be delighted to hear)

Now that we have these aspects of her character it’ll be much easier to explain her action and relationships in the show. Here’s a general overview of the character.

Lila is revealed to be the adoptive daughter of The Handler in Episode Three of Season Two. The Handler seems very interested in Lila’s appearance, often chastising her for something that could make her look unattractive (Kinda like The Evil Queen from Descendants). While Lila is shown to have a similiar tendency we can only assume she got it from The Handler because that’s who raised her. I see a lot of parallels between The Handler and Reginald’s parenting, putting their children in dangerous situations and raising them to be some sort of superhero. For Lila she was taught to save the timeline while The Umbrella Academy were taught to save innocents, both children lacked a healthy male figure in their youth which caused some problems when it came to intimacy. The similarities with Allison and Lila’s romantic life is uncanny. Both women seemed drawn toward men that gave them the time of day. Both women had a fall out with their respective partner due to toxic behavior on their part caused by lack of experience in their situation, Allison not knowing how to parent and Lila not knowing how to express her feelings. The difference lies in what happens after the fall out, while Allison shows resentment toward her ex husband Patrick Lila still shows attraction toward Diego. When we see flashbacks of Lila’s childhood we see that she probably started working for the commission at a young age and certainly began commission training long before that. Something I noticed is when The Handler dolled her up for her mission to murder the man in the car on a date is that Lila showed little emotion except for relief. Which I think contrasts greatly when compared to her treatment of Five when she planned on murdering him. In short I think she tells herself her murders are personal to try and avoid the idea that they actually aren’t because in her mind if it’s personal than it has and a reason and is morally okay (But that’s just me). Let’s move over to her relationship with Diego

Lila’s relationship with Diego

Lila likes to be in control during the relationship and Diego shows a want to lead but lets Lila be in control anyway, albeit reluctantly

Lila isn’t afraid to lie to Diego if she sees it necessary while Diego wants to be honest

Lila prides herself as a caretaker toward Diego even though he doesn’t really like being taken care of or told what to do (unless it’s Grace because she’s his mom)

Both of them are shown to be stubborn, irrational, and quick to get physical if need be which will be detrimental if the two disagree on something

Lila shows little to no hesitation when doing something that Diego might not want to do, stripping him and drugging him

Lila wanted Diego as an emotional support/male figure in her life, she saw dating as an outlet to get what she desperately wanted in her childhood

Towards the finale when Diego finds out she’s super he empathizes with her and treats more like a sister (or was that just me)

Both of them seem to get along mostly and are shoulders for the other to cry on (that yogurt scene got me crying)

That’s about all I got tell me if you got more, I’d love to hear.

Anyway my point is that even though the two have some romantic compatibility I don’t think the two are the best for each other. I think of this relationship as very similiar to Allison and Luther’s. I really want to see more Diego and Lila scenes where the two tone done the romance aspect and have some more vulernable moment, like the yogurt scene or when Lila reveals that her parents died. While those didn’t have a romantic aspect I did love the character development and the bond they started to form. Even without the two being in a relationship it would still be interesting to see how everyone reacts to another family member.

Morale of this post:

LILA IS AWESOME AND NEEDS A FATHER FIGURE IN HER LIFE (also diego and lila isn’t the best relationship)

[princess-tiger-lily]

So Dan Levy has gotten a lot of attention and praise for his decision to not showcase homophobia within Schitt's Creek. His decision that Schitt's Creek as a place is one of love and acceptance and tolerance. I really appreciate this decision and especially the fact that he keeps talking about it as not just a deliberate choice, but a political one.

As a queer person, I recognize that telling stories about our experiences with homophobia is important. It's important to remind ourselves and prove to others that the fight is far from over. It's important to be able to stand and tell our truths. As a woman, I know that's also true about stories of sexism and misogyny. And I imagine it's true for the myriad other communities that experience oppression that I am not a part of. But let me tell you, it is exhausting when those are the only stories we tell. It is exhausting to be a consumer of media and be reminded over and over that we are hated.

But the thing I like most about this choice is that, while we never see instances of homophobia, it's not ignored either. David tells Stevie he doesn't want to go to a party and be the victim of a hate crime. Moira is shocked when she sees a picture indicating Roland and Jocelyn have gay friends. Both Roland and Stevie have to have pansexuality explained to them. Johnny, while accepting of David's sexuality, worries that it will make his life harder and more confusing. And of course, Patrick is so afraid that coming out will change his relationship with his parents he waits almost two years to tell them about David.

These characters know the world we live in. Just as Dan Levy knows the world we live in. And I think that's an important piece of this choice to purposefully exclude stories of homophobia and bigotry. He didn't just throw up his hands and ignore the (vast and varied) queer experience. Instead, the radical, political choice he's made is not one of ignoring the stories of homophobia. It's giving all of those stories a happy ending. It's showing David's assumption of how these small town people will treat him but then never seeing that treatment come into fruition. It's showing Johnny worrying about his son but keeping those worries to himself and instead telling David that he is loved and accepted. It's showing Patrick's fear of coming out to his parents but then seeing them react with nothing but joy and pride. And because of this, Schitt's Creek never seems like a fantasy world. It seems...possible.

[themostexpensiveboningknife]

2020

Failed party, money in drawer, communicate, move house, move boxes, drive in van, walk to shops, buy noodles, think it’s the end, see whole bus of soldiers in Beijing, new area, walk in darkness, think about leaving, leave, think its temporary, in taxi, post stupid photos, check and check again phone, think people with goggles on my plane are over reacting, take off my mask to eat, keep taking off to loosen, arrive back in London. Tube. Cold. Pub. Party at WeWork. Exhibition at Dulwich Gallery. Farringdon. Drugs and drinks. Brockley, South east London. DJ. Ethiopian food. Morley’s Peckham. Walking on the River. Photographer friend’s house. Canal cycle. National Gallery. Car crash, Dalston. Omar Souleyman. Corsica Studios. Meet girl, back to my friends, back to hers, sex. Morning up to mum’s best friends birthday, Covent Garden restaurant. In a van, Sunday roast. Chisenhale Gallery. arebyte Gallery. Getting worse in China, seems nice and easy and calm in England. Camberwell beers and more. Second-hand book shops, Charing Cross Road. Courtauld. Leafed through a book about a man who lived his entire 86.5 years in East London. Still talking to the same girl back in China. Both believe I’ll be back soon. Chicken wings. West London, meal. South London pub. DJing somewhere inside. Kent, see grandma. Rave, Bermondsey. Friends from Israel and Germany arrive. More drinks, more drugs. Mixing friends. Gay bar in Bethnal Green for old friend’s birthday. Acid, confused and hilarious. Tate Britain. Serpentine. Cranes on the bridge. Liverpool Street film screening. Feels shallow, but good. Begin regular E Pellici sojourns. Primrose Hill with Dad. Beer festival with Keaton and co. Peckham, school friend’s house, bad vibe. More drinks, more drugs. Working on first music compilation with Slowcook and Fafa. Begin watching all of the Studio Ghibli movies. Watching Breaking Bad. At some point have huge argument with my brother, it went like this: He came home from work and I was sitting watching Breaking Bad, he asks, “Have you been like that all day?” I either took it in the wrong way or picked up on a sly dig. It was probably me, but at this point I was pretty self-conscious and worried about going back to China and whether or not I would have a job back there. Was getting surprisingly pissed off with my brother mentioning his work, felt like an affront to me. Weird. He goes crazy (he has a short fuse), punching a wall, ready to fight me. My mum is pretty upset. A few days later I go into his room and try to patch things up. Turns into a deeper chat. He feels like I haven’t been a good brother to him, he gives the example of not looking out for him on his first days of school. I say I’m sorry, it’s because I’m a bit scared and insecure. In retrospect I regret a little laying so much weakness on the table, seems his interactions/ways of acting around me have changed a bit. Still not sure how I feel about it all. Considered getting a gold tooth with Matthew. Play with cats, enjoying them more and more. Rave in Dalston, good music from Asia and beyond. Looking at magazines. Not doing much work at all. Being out and about instead. Go to Norfolk. It’s beautiful, but get way too drunk on first night, sick everywhere, wake up naked in sick. Massive fucking shitshow. Majority of people there have no choice but to act weirdly around me now, which is understandable. Still some nice aspects. One girl there surely hates me a lot. Tate Modern. Art stuff by self is good. Corsica Studios, semi-art, semi-music event. Mr. Bao for first time of many. Radio in Tottenham. Take drugs. Pubs. Drive to Asda with brother to stock up on food. It’s March and the reality of the pandemic is hitting. More canal cycling. First and only group chat on Zoom. BH Funk. Probably have taken cocaine and messaged one of three or four girls numerous times by now. If there’s one, in the cold light of day, horrible and disgusting thing I’ve done too much this year it’s this. Incessant messaging of poor girls that I know will react (although increasingly they don’t, I manage to alienate even close friends in this way). Southbank and The Mall with Nick. Reading about Wuhan. List of good texts. Continuing to do some writing. Making WeChat posts for guī WeChat, including mix series and miniessays. Greenwich park with Matthew. Grime quiz online. Delivering food regularly for my mum’s school. Hackney Marshes with Luan. Epping Forest with Mum and Dad. By this point probably have woken up feeling sorry for myself in Ludo’s flat, after untold amounts of alcohol and cocaine. Online rave. Beijing artists only mix. Go to Switzerland, pass through Italy on the way. Its breath taking, the mountains, the expanse of scenery, not used to it. Climbing up mountains with no one around. Rolo and Patrick and Rita smoke too much weed. I really, really, really still hate smoking it. Feel a bit annoyed how long we spend sitting around while they smoke, but this is way outbalanced by the uniqueness of where we are and the beauty all around. Producing more and more, actually getting somewhere. Cooking more and more food. Reading more and more, like: Black and British, The Corrections, Real Fast Food, Bass, Mids, Tops, Zadie Smith, Olivia Lang, Graham Greene, JG Ballard, Monica Ali, Mo Yan, Jenny Zhang, John le Carre, Naked Lunch, Nabokov, Bukowski, Zora Neale Hurston, Wiley, Bitcoin, Murakami, Judith E. Butler, The Painter of Modern Life, Maupassant, Chekov, Video Art, Gravity’s Rainbow (couldn’t finish), Anaïs Nin, The Net Delusion (couldn’t finish), The Establishment and how they got away with it (couldn’t finish), Roddy Doyle, The Secret of Scent, General Intellects, Women In Love, The Intelligent Investor, Lyndon Johnson. Victoria Park more often than I can remember. To Chrissy’s house. Mile End Park. Very regularly sitting on the river in Wapping. Bring the chessboard and play Ludo sometimes, people smile and look at you differently when you’re playing chess and drinking beers versus just sitting and drinking beer. I May Destroy You. Industry. The beautiful wide expanse of Hackney Marshes. My incessant quest to reach 1000 followers in Instagram. More cycling, and I hate to say it but it really was: Here there and everywhere. Margate with my Dad to see my grandma in hospital and saw the Turner Prize exhibition. Light blue like scrubs, the sky and sun felt eternal. Swimming in dirty water. Make a DJ mix of old 2000s Road Rap. Eat cheese in Peckham. Cycle along the canal north, keep going and going through Tottenham, past Enfield keep going, it’s mad how quickly it becomes quiet fields on all sides, arrive to some kind of lake, swim and then back to the centre of town. Outside a Hawksmoor church in Shadwell ate chicken with Karim and Ludo. DJing. From my bedroom window saw a big crane in the middle of the night sitting on the canal. Begin developing the second DCCY compilation this time with BULLY magazine. Go to a house in an old school in Camberwell. Discover new secret riverside spots in East London. Finally give up my apartment in Beijing. Mile End park. Cycle further and further East to a pedestrian bridge I didn’t know existed. Get onto the beach and into the Thames water. Interview Akito. Begin writing more, after few months of wiling away the summertime. My friend Emmy gets married in Rwanda, I give him some money as a wedding gift which he tells me he used to buy his wife’s dress. Protests in HK always on TV. Get more into finances, crypto and trading, and just saving in general. Had sex with an old friend. Now meeting a girl I first knew years ago in Beijing. More secret river spots. Keaton has his baby, Noah. More times on Hackney Marshes. Barbican conservatory. Watching more films, try to watch all the films of some directors including: Jia Zhangke, Bong Joon-ho, Edward Yang, Wong Kar-wai, Apichatpong Weerasethakul. Decide to watch all of the infamous lauded series, go through Breaking Bad, The Wire and The Sopranos. Go to the seaside for a few days, camping also. Henry Wu album launch in a car park in Bermondsey. Go to visit Keaton’s baby for the first time. Good photography exhibition at Photographer’s Gallery. Go to Wallace Collection again. August. Go to Berlin. Swimming in Berlin lakes until I get an ear infection. It makes me drowsy and lethargic, but still seems to spend all my time cycling around the city. On one night cycle for hours to a rave on the outskirts of the city. Like a lot the abandoned airport in Berlin. Oh yeah, vaping. Found a dead bumble bee. Speak with Nevin about projects. Write a piece about the future of the art world for a magazine being started by Nevin’s friend in Canada. Go to Lithuania. Walk around Vilnius, get too drunk by myself. Get to the Curonian Spit and Nida, beaches and new friends. For the Nightlife Residency project. For a short while life is like on a desert island of new food, new people, new locations, quiet and new meaning. Go to the Russian border on the beach. Cycle to the road boarder and get stopped by the police. Go nude on the beach for the first time. Sauna, sand dunes and forests. DJ out for the first time in ages, this time with Nono. To Kaunus and try nice and stodgy Georgian food for the first time. Hackney Wick back for party. Meet a ginger girl online and go on a date. Wallace Collection again. Free beer and pizza. White Cube. National Gallery, Titian. On BBC Radio London with my Dad. Riverside beers. Saw a lost swan near my front door. Meet Keaton near his work, one of many times. Making more and more music, getting better. Decide I need more organisation and clarity, put everything I’ve done on a blog. More or less long since given up on my job at M Woods. But don’t really begin looking for anything new because it’s still sunny. At some point I start getting benefits money. Go to see La Haine in the cinema. Someone blocks me on WeChat because of me. Some pub somewhere. Sunday walks and breakfast with my parents. Go to an exhibition in Woolworth Road with Muzi. Realise how nice it is to run to Victoria Park along the canal. Vicky Park in general. Dinners at friends’ houses. Museum of London. Walking with Michael in some countryside near London, surprising how quickly things turn green. Break onto a pier in Wapping with Jack. Battersea Park. Tate, Bruce Nauman. Old Street Weatherspoon’s with Keaton, drugs. Central London cemetery. Chinese in Camberwell. Chinese in Aldgate. Italian in Camberwell. More and more exercise, running, weights and yoga with my brother. Sadie Coles. Nick, Central London. Gucci Mane. Hampstead Heath more because Ludo and his flatmates are nearby. Ludo’s now house more for days and nights of you guessed it. Borough Market more, with Emma. Alexandra Palace walk and famous sandwiches after. Tate Britian new lights. More time at Muzi’s. Signing up for cycle courier. LYL Radio show. Shave head. Take acid and it hurts my stomach. Camden Arts Centre with Muzi. Christmas party with friends. Birthday. Cake with Muzi, presents and Indian takeaway from family, walk in Vicky Park with Ludo and Karim plus battered sausage and chips. Christmas at home nice and warming meal. Evening to Ludo’s place with more friends. Boxing day with Matthew, pints and then more at his house in Peckham all night long. Next day is tough! Giant turkey sandwiches, turkey soup, turkey curry. Buy first NFTs. New Year’s Eve stay in at Muzi’s, one drink and a cake.

[strawberries-n-sugar]

I just want to talk about why I love Schitt's Creek

I have always been a huge Eugene Levy fan, since Cheaper by the Dozen when I was little, he is a amazing actor

Catherine O'Hara actually portrays a decent character and decent mother who is trying. I love Beetlejuice, always have, but I hated her character in it, I also hated her character in Home Alone, they were both garbage mothers

Daniel Levy, oh my God, I've never seen him in anything else but I love him. I love David Rose. He is a "bebe".

David, I love David and respect him and I relate to him. I also look up to him. He has no shame or doubt in his sexuality and is up front and honest about it. He doesn't let his financial status define him. He is so pure. He is so romantic. I relate to how he is afraid and cautious with love because of being hurt, and him not having a plethora of friends. I love how he is pan but he's not overly flamboyant or a femboy or any of that, he is him, he is a guy who just loves and he's not trying so hard like Wade Wilson XD. I relate to how he had to be hurt a lot to find happiness. I relate to how he had to care for a pill popping mother. I love his style, fashion wise and romance wise. I relate to his battle with anxiety and over thinking.

I like Alexis. She bettered herself and I admire that

I love Johnny and I relate to him too

I love how there aren't a obnoxious amount of Christmas episodes like on most sitcoms. I also relate to how Johnny feels about it. How it is a bad time for him and lonely but still he holds out hope for a better one. I relate to how he strives for it to be perfect and gives up and gets hurt when it isn't , and I just really see where he comes from because I'm the same way that holiday and he and I generally want the same one thing for similar-ish reasons

The David and Stevie relationship, as someone in David's boat, it shows realistically what it's like to have little to no one friend wise

I love how they handle relationships on the show. How they handle the drama is so much better than how it is on most shows and in real life, unfortunately

Moira, she's not perfect but she tries and I love that, again, I can relate to having a mother like that

Uhm, hot guys, hello Mutt and Ted and David and Eugene (personally I like Mutt clean shaven or full beard but did not care for that midway thing he did lol) but like David though

I like how the gay relationship is realistic in comparison to others I've seen on TV and movies

The character development is great

Johnny remains down to earth and I love that

The strained sibling relationship, I can relate

It is hilarious

It holds my attention

David. Just David. Did I say that?

Johnny, did I say that?

I love the Dom/sub vibes David and Patrick both give off. That's weird I know 🤷🏻‍♀️

Realistic small towns. Most of the time on TV shows if theyre in a "Podunk" town the characters just seem to always have everything they need like wtf no, this show is actually like "yeah fam, you gotta go over to this town"

David's birthday and how he reacts to people forgetting it,I feel that. It is realistic. When people forget, speaking from experience the only ones who remembered my birthday most of my life were my parents, but, when people do that, you really feel like dying or popping pills and going to bed early. Realistic. His dad remembered, I feel that. Christmas and my birthday are my two least favorite holidays

Patrick knew he his sexuality but never kissed a guy until he was a grown man. I'm grown and I'm bi. I've known I was bi since I was about 15, with my first girlfriend. However, I have only been kissed by a girl once very quickly for a nervous game of truth or dare, I've never been with a girl, I never kissed or was with my ex girlfriend. It's realistic

I love how Johnny is okay and accepts David as his dad for his preferences. Like I just said, I'm bi and I've known for a while. When I was with my ex girlfriend I tried to come out to my dad. We were talking about her and I said, "What if I like her as more than my friend, I definitely like her more than my sister's" to which he responded, "Nah, you ain't like that, she's like your sister" so from that time until I was 22 he never knew, neither did my mom. My dad passed between father's day and my birthday last year and he never knew I was bi, my mom still doesn't. He went to his grave with me never telling him but here I am saying online to everyone else. Parents acceptance is important. I'm the kind of person who believes who you sleep with isn't your parents business but they should be able to know who you love and accept that. Sure, Johnny did express it would be easier for David to pick a gender, but ultimately, it doesn't matter. David brought the people he loved to Johnny and Johnny loved them in return

The in law situation with Stevie and Johnny. I know they aren't in laws but she did sleep with David once, that's not the point. I love how he steps in as a parent for her much like my mom in law did for me, she's like a friend and the parent I go to if I need something wether it be help or otherwise, I go to her for grown up stuff

The town is a big family, I love that and again, kind of relate

That's a few reasons I love Schitt's Creek

[smblmn]

Favorite  clips of s5 :

@flying-elliska tagged me on this (thanks Ellie! I wish I had your eloquence but I’ll do my best ❤) and it’s taken me a century to answer but here it is!

First of all I have to say that I have very mixed feelings about this season. I was one of the people who thought they would make a love triangle happen with the first underwater clip and that made me react very badly to all the clips with Noeé and Arthur. I know that from an aesthetic point of view there are amazing clips with them like the one where they’re rollerblading through Paris, Noeé dancing or the one in the pool from episode 7, but I can’t include them bc the love triangle ruined them for me.

I wanted to make the list from most to least liked but I can’t decide so I’m going to do them in chronological order bc it’s easier. And sorry in advance bc this is way too long.

Mardi 23:49 31/12 - 3, 2, 1… : What a way to start the season, I remember the buzz in the fandom before this clip dropped and the excitement from the notification of a new clip (and hiding in the bathroom of my parents’ house to watch it while they were all celebrating the new year). And it was so good seeing the cast all together again dancing and being happy... And of course the moment Arthur loses his hearing is so well done... A great first clip.

Vendredi 20:45 - In the present moment: Of course I love Elu and seeing their flat with all the little details of their love story hanging in the walls was amazing. Eliott talking and Lucas reassuring him (and calling him mon amour)... All of them together again dancing and having fun and being happy... it was great.

Samedi 00:25 - The shock: This was such a powerful clip. I knew something bad was coming but it was still a shock: the blow, the silence, the snow and Arthur walking around totally lost and looking right at the camera in the last shot... I think there’s one thing that we can all agree on: give Robin all the oscars.

Dimanche 15:02 - Something to do: In this clip we saw a glimpse of how Basile would be like for the rest of the season when he immediately wanted to go for whoever punched Arthur. And it felt great seeing Arthur tell his friends (mostly) all that had happened to him. And of course Eliott being a ray of sunshine and taking them to the graffiti place, and the check the gang, and the hugging... 

Mardi 7:00 - 4 days: I liked all the 7am clips showing how Arthur slowly loses hope, but this one especially when he thinks he is hearing the alarm and suddenly realizes he only heard it bc it was connected to the speakers... again, give Robin all the oscars.

Vendredi 13:12 - Bro check: The clip where I started loving Basile with all my heart. He is just so sweet and loves Arthur so much and he is not afraid to show it and say it... The definition of wholesome and the real MVP of the season.

Lundi 10:31 - Silicone is life: I just love Alexia, and her reassuring Arthur felt so good. And then those idiots being idiots and everybody hugging in the end again... it felt great.

Lundi 19:02 - Hearing: I loved watching these stories and this clip showed that Skam fr had really made an effort to learn about the Deaf community and show it to us. 

Mardi 10:37 - Touch bench: This isn’t one of the most especial clips but I liked it. Arthur getting rid of running and Lucas acting like a little bitch. Emma joining Arthur on the bench and them bonding... and the SM we got was great too.

Samedi 8:30 - Lies: There’s not a lot about this clip but it was so satisfying watching Arthur going off at his friends for lying to him... 

Dimanche 14:41 - Wanting nothing: I loved Alexia talking about her insecurities (even though later it would feel like a punch in the face with Arthur cheating on her) but it is a beautiful love scene and I’m glad they gave Alexia that speech about acceptance.

Ep. 8: This episode has lots of bits that I loved (and others that I hated but lets not talk about them) so I’m not going to choose clips bc this is already waaaay too long... so, things I loved: Elu talking about being 50 and married and going to Kathmandu, meeting papy Basile, Lucas calling Eliott Mon amour and FIFI, the story about Jeanette, Emma talking to the horse, Lucas apologizing and Basile being a disaster in the background, that shot of Basile and Daphné (fuck, that was beautiful) and the group photo.

Vendredi 20:17 - Choose for you: What can I say? Just: ALEXIA MARTINEAU. Given the circumstances this was the best possible outcome for her and I loved her song and the grace and dignity she showed... 

Samedi 13:29 - Mom: I think this is my favourite clip of the whole season, I love Carole so much (also, I’m so glad Patrick didn’t hit her too). Bc this is a show about teenagers, I think adults are often used only as antagonists and this clip shows Carole and Arthur as a team. She is completely wrecked for not knowing what had happened to her son and Arthur is so sorry for mistreating her by being condescending sometimes. They share their fears and their doubts and they talk like equals. They smoke and they cry and they hug and I loved seeing that (I also cried my eyes out).

Lundi 10:04 - The same life as you: I loved all the clips with Laura and Melchior, but this one sums up all we’ve learned from them and shows the necesities disabled people have with humor but without taking away the importance of the message.

Vendredi 20:37 - Le meilleur des mondes: Yeah, I didn’t like the idea of a new character as a main but they got me with that ending, ngl. They got me super intrigued about Lola, so we’ll see... It was super cheesy but I don’t care, give me all the cheesiness in the world as long as you show me my favorite characters being together and happy... I can’t believe how much I’m going to miss them when this ends... 

Special mentions: Gif attached as a proof of the interaction I’ll never get over:

Elu being cheesy and in love even if it was in the background was all I wanted for them this season, so that was great. Sofiane dancing and Imane calling him Habibi, Emma and Arthur’s sister/brother bonding, Camika, Noee being a badass and of course Broussary.

I’m going to tag @lallemanting, @lepetitepeach, @surrealsunday, @elsarah, @mirroroferisedx, @jebentnietalleen, @lifeisevak and anyone who wants to talk about this. But no pressure if you don’t want to, of course. ❤❤

[spiders-hth-is-an-outlier]

Ey, so, what happened is that I posted a Schitt's Creek fic late last night and went to bed.  Then I overslept and went to work and then went straight to some family stuff after work, so by the time I checked up later this afternoon, there were not only comments, but also Discourse in the Comments – enough Discourse in the Comments that I decided that in addition to staying up late tonight to answer individual comments (which is a great problem to have! Fuck sleep, moar comments!), I should probably Address the Discourse in one go so I wouldn't have to repeat myself quite so much.

This is, arguably, a big mistake, since at the end of the day, people feel however they feel about the story, and they're certainly entitled to their feelings.  For the most part, my chosen medium for self-expression is fiction, and I figure that if I failed to express myself adequately in the fiction, too bad for me. But what the hell, it's Pride and I like to hear myself talk, so if there is anyone who has questions or weird feelings about the choices I made in this story, I'm making this bit of my Writing Process transparent for you, so you at least know why I did what I did.

The gist, for onlookers, is that there's a moment deep in the middle of this David/Patrick story where Patrick says David is bisexual and David goes along with that, which rang false to some people because elsewhere in canon, David's father describes him as pansexual instead, and we generally assume – and I also assume! – that he does so because that's the label David prefers.

I feel like the easiest first layer of this to peel off is that, yes, Patrick is wrong.  Patrick – a deeply closeted small-town boy with few or no close ties to The Community – hears his friend and co-worker talking about relationships with men and women, and he thinks to himself, “Oh, okay, he's bisexual, then,” because to most of the world, that's what bisexual means.  I think he would have no reason to second-guess himself on that, or wonder if there's another term that David prefers.  Patrick literally doesn't know enough about this issue to know that he might be wrong about it.  What Patrick thinks he understands, he doesn't fully understand, and that's intentional, because the whole story is about Patrick being in this “messy middle part,” where he kind of doesn't know the rules and doesn't get things right.

That, I think, came across clearly to most readers, but there was still this question of, well, couldn't I have written David correcting this mistake, at that moment or somewhere else in the story, so that the reader would understand that I know Patrick is wrong and that I, personally, am not condoning the general practice of disregarding people's chosen labels.

And of course I could have.  I didn't for two reasons, one of characterization and one of theme – but that's not an objectively correct choice, it's just the choice I made in service of this particular story.  A different writer could have gone a different route and written a different story, and maybe that would've worked just as well!  But it wouldn't have been a good call for this story.

First, just as a basic point of characterization, it's my take that David Rose actually doesn't feel strongly enough to object.  We don't ever see him identify as anything – we see him talking freely about past experiences, but the one and only time he's called on to explain what he is to someone else, it's the scene while shopping with Stevie where (albeit through the lens of what I still feel is a somewhat labored metaphor), he gives a version of Ye Olde “I don't like labels” speech.  To me, David is a pretty recognizable type: he thinks of himself as liking lots of stuff and free to do what he likes without being boxed in by other people's opinions, and he's carried forward with the exact same attitude he deployed when he came out to his parents: “I'm doing this, deal with it.”  So even though I was aware, and I knew the reader would be aware, that Patrick was wrong, my thought on what seemed natural to David as a character was that I didn't really see him caring about the issue enough to derail what was actually going on in that conversation.  That's my read on the character, and it may not match yours; that's fine, it doesn't have to.

However, characters aren't real and don't make decisions; writers do.  It would be absurd for me to say, “Well, this is out of my hands, obviously it would happen this way, because Characterization.”  I could have structured the whole scene differently, and I didn't.  Instead, I wrote a scene where, arguably, a personal of marginalized identity is mis-labeled and doesn't seem to mind that much, and I think one fair response to that scene is to say, Maybe don't volunteer to write scenes that work out that way, when instead you could write in such a way as to demonstrate that you're on the side of not mis-labeling people of marginalized identities.

I did volunteer to write that scene, because I do think this story required that scene.  When David says, “It's okay if you are, too” – even though he knows full well that it's not true – what he's actually saying is, “If what you need right now is a label for yourself that's factually wrong, I'm giving you permission to use it.”  David is not bisexual and neither is Patrick.  This is a scene where David explicitly gives Patrick an exit route if he needs one, where David is actively prioritizing being protective and comforting with Patrick over requiring Patrick to tell the truth.  It's an act of generosity on his part, and it's an act of bravery on Patrick's part to refuse it. It's a brief exchange, but it's absolutely central to the moment Patrick is at, where he can't say true things yet but won't say false ones anymore, and the moment completely relies on the reader understanding that this word they're talking about – “bisexual” – is a dishonest word in this context.  They're discussing whether or not it's okay to be dishonest, and David's take is “sure, if you need that, then do it” while Patrick's is “that would be going backwards and I'm not letting myself down like that.”  David and the reader know that it's a dishonest word in both cases, while Patrick only recognizes that about himself, because again, there's a lot that Patrick doesn't know yet.  He's just now learning.

I write a lot of scenes that are “two people in a room talking,” and if done badly, those can be excruciatingly dull.  I don't like dull; I like writing things that feel taut and have forward motion and tension, because I think that's what makes a scene memorable.  So every time I sit down to write yet another “these two dudes are going to be in a room talking for a while” scene, there are questions I ask myself about what's happening here and why it should happen, because otherwise I'm violating the first and only law of fiction, which is Don't Waste Your Reader's Fucking Time.

The first question is: what's the premise here?  What's the situation that confronts these characters, that they're going to be responding or reacting to?  And the other question is: how are they going to respond and react to that situation in two productively different ways – ways that are in conflict or incompatible or in competition?  If I know what's going on, and I know how these two people are seeing it differently and making different arguments about what should happen next, there's a natural tension of competing agendas that wants to resolve itself at the end, or carry over to the next scene.

In “1001,” my premise is: Patrick is undergoing a process of transformation with regard to his sexual identity that takes time and doesn't really proceed linearly and logically.  That's what's happening.  The way he's responding to that is, he's frustrated and embarrassed, because he feels like he's failing to master this situation, like it's getting the better of him no matter how he tries to set rules for it.  The way David is responding to the premise is, he's trying to curb and mitigate these ways that Patrick is judging  himself harshly, trying to get Patrick to accept that the middle is just messy and things will be a mess until they aren't anymore.  Patrick is facing a challenge, and they're ultimately in an argument about whether or not Patrick is failing it.

That's why I wanted Patrick to be wrong about certain things – I wanted him to authentically be kind of messy, which shows up in little ways from how he can't get the till counted and he can't say gay and he can't put his finger on the song he's thinking of, and not yet speaking the insider-language fluently is part of that.  But more importantly, that's why David's reaction couldn't really involve correcting Patrick's use of the insider-language, because the whole meaning of the story is that David is actively refusing to agree that what's going on with Patrick right now is a problem that needs correcting.

A startling number of writing issues are actually philosophical issues, and this is probably one of them. Like I said, fiction is my main medium for telling people what I think about the world, and the role that I have David playing in this story, as the older, more experienced queer person, is what it is because I have been the older, more experienced queer person trying to figure out how to help someone who's brand new to everything – and what I've come to believe through these experiences is that while there is a time and a place for educators, for being the person who says “actually, that's not quite right, we say or do this instead of that,” the on-the-ground reality is that if people are still in a state of extreme vulnerability and self-doubt, they have a far, far greater need for people who will affirm them rather than instruct them.

Someone in Patrick's place, who is stuck between an old belief and a new self, who feels like they're failing and floundering, who thinks it's easy for other people and hard for them because they're messier or more broken or more cowardly than everyone else, deserves to be received with compassion and told that messy is fine, not knowing is fine, this process is normal and they are fine.  The story I wanted to write was about David giving that grace and spaciousness to Patrick, and it ended with Patrick accepting it at least enough to say “this will just take care of itself if I give it enough time” about the song thing, which stands in a bit for his problem-solving approach to the whole situation (because then we know as readers that when he finds the “best song” he's unlocked the whole thing, and we know that's coming, just like David told him the end would come).  It's my opinion that having David double back, at any point in the story, and say “actually, that's not quite right, you should have said this instead” would have fatally undermined everything about the alternative argument David is presenting about the nature of Patrick's situation.  Patrick is the one who worries about getting this right; David is the one who wants him to be okay with being wrong for now.

And like most writers, when I set up those dueling arguments, I am actually coming down on one side or the other by the end: David's side.  I didn't have David correcting him because I think David wouldn't correct him, but even more than that because I think the nature and structure of this story makes it ethically right for David to hold back from correcting him.  I think he's the one being the hero here, by accepting Patrick's messiness and imperfection and just taking the approach of, yeah, it's all new, it's tough going, but even though you don't feel fine right now, you are fundamentally fine.

You as a reader don't have to accept that moral argument.  You can think it would have made David a better person to model a commitment to truth, to set a higher standard and ask Patrick to live up to it.  That's okay!  It's totally fine to be like, “I see that this writer wants me to feel one way about this, but actually I just don't, I think that's dead wrong.”  Other writers are going to tackle stories about what it feels like to be part of Patrick's coming-out story, both in his role and in David's role, and those writers can and should make their own best arguments, in stories that are built to be about whatever they want to say about coming out.  Those stories will just be different from mine, which is great, that's what having a voice as a writer means – that you're thoughtfully constructing stories in ways that express how you see the world, not how anybody else does it.

And if you read “1001” and you cared enough about it to have an opinion, I genuinely appreciate your time and the thought you put into it.  Thank you.