#while my DM was having the exact same thought and was putting the pieces in place and not telling me lmao

[setaflow]

Sorry WHAT HAPPENED to your war domain cleric??? Can I have the DETAILS???

Unfortunately resolution is somewhat scant only because this all happened over the course of the last two sessions of a freshly rebooted campaign and we're all on an extended break for the holidays lol, but absolutely you can have details--

In my DM's homebrew setting, my cleric is a noble from a country that's ruled over by several half-brothers that each control one chunk of territory. The brothers are all related to the other by their father, but one of their mothers had a daughter as well who doesn't have a title claim but is more of a Princess Diana-type: adored by the people and has political sway through sheer force of social standing. My character is 29 and the princess is roughly 26-ish, so my DM and I improvised we'd know each other in our childhoods (thanks partly to a relatively high history roll), but weren't exactly on positive terms due to my character's haughty and hyper-competitive personality.

Flash forward a few sessions. My party is in this same country solving a string of serial killings, and I get a letter from the princess to come and meet up after dark. I go to the location with my party's fighter and bard, but I head up to meet her alone. A few shenanigans ensue that result in my cleric accidentally breaking an artifact of hers that was letting her see visions of something. As she was apologizing, the princess started kissing her, and I was like "Welp, my cleric absolutely doesn't pull away and starts kissing her back in the attic of this hat shop".

As I was mentally trying to pick what flavor of childhood-rivals-to-lovers sapphic revelation my girl was going to have through the rest of her story, my DM asks me to make a wisdom saving throw. I have a +9 to wisdom saving throws. I rolled a 2 on the dice.

My DM: "As you're kissing her, you feel your mind shut off for a quick minute. In the next moment of genuine awareness you have, you're standing in a blood-filled room with a sickle you don't recognize in one hand, and the princess's head in the other as you finish carving through the last few tendons in her neck."

End of session. I had my head on the table for five straight minutes.

My character spends the next session in basically a horror-filled fugue state as everyone with a shred of political power (plus her family, who she's on so-so terms with) puts on a sham trial and pins all 27 serial killings on her. Some more shenanigans happen and I think the real killer's about to take us all into a dungeon to murder us there, but that was the last session we had and I don't get back to the table until mid-January thanks to a work event I have to attend right after the holidays lol.

I know it was actually the princess and not someone disguised as her thanks to casting Locate Creature beforehand, and the flavor text/saving throw of the situation definitely aligns with Dominate Person, but basically all the whos, hows, or whys haven't been revealed because this was all the last two sessions and our party hasn't had the chance to look for clues.

As soon as my girl ceases to be an enemy of the state, I have to teach myself a nifty little resurrection spell so I can be like "So....sorry about murdering you, but can we give that other thing another shot pwease 👉👈 👩‍❤️‍👩❓".

[astrobei]

This is kind of an odd question, but since you seem to have done it very successfully and I have no clue: How do you make friends online?

I always see people on here talking about their mutuals and about their online friends, and some of that’s def survivorship bias, but I’m guessing I’m not alone in having no clue how to get from recognizing someone’s username to having them be a person I would talk to about a bad day?

Anyway, this continues to be a weird ask so answer it any way you want and no worries if it takes a while, but yeah, with all the posts about you and haven meeting up I am just looking for advice on *how*

Ty so much!

hi hi hi hello!! i’ve actually gotten asks like this before and i’m so sorry 2 everyone who’s sent one bc i’m afraid i don’t have a super concise or helpful way to answer this,,, (but i’ll still try lol)

to be so so honest with you, i got super lucky because i was introduced to a lot of my friends in this fandom through group chats or mutuals’ discord servers that other people have added me to, which i know is kind of a lame answer because being added to gcs/others’ servers is not exactly something u can control … but you are so right in saying that you’re not alone in feeling like this !! i know so many people feel intimidated by the idea of making friends on here especially since there Are so many users i associate as groups and it seems like everyone has Those Friends (me included, i’ll admit) and it’s probably easier said than done because i did get lucky enough to meet a lot of my now-close friends rn through ao3/comments/writers’ gcs way back in the summer or fall 😗 it also definitely takes time to get close to someone in this way, and these friendships are not something that happened overnight, even for me !! i feel like it’s easy to get stressed out by the potential of every new mutual/friend you make being The Friend and that can put a lot of pressure on both you and the other person to be super compatible right off the bat, so on and so forth, which isn’t fair and will probably lead to more disappointment than anything, so i think it’s important to remember that (almost?) no solid friendship goes from 0-100 overnight and it takes time to build trust and emotional connection with anyone!

so i would say . basically . if you’ve stayed this long and all of this rambling that my biggest pieces of advice would be:

1. fr and honestly just go for it. like you said, i know so many people feel the exact same way as you do, so send that mutual you admire an ask or a dm!! every friendship has got to start somewhere so if you see them rb an ask game maybe send something nice or maybe if you see a post that reminds u of them send it to them ! i’ve made a couple of my closest friends because we sent each other asks a lot before moving to dms -> other platforms, or people have just dm’d me directly out of the blue and i was surprised by how well we clicked !! these are maybe lame examples but. u get the idea lol. Just Do It i believe in u 🥳

2. be patient !! i know i already said it before but close friendships, like the ones you’re talking about, rarely happen overnight. even with people i’ve felt a connection with immediately, it’s taken some time for us to really get comfortable with each other and past that awkward stage so it’ll likely take some dedication and commitment to communication on both your parts! something i would like to emphasize: don’t make friends purely out of strong expectations of being Best Friends because, again, this could lead to a lot of disappointment when someone doesn’t live up to expectations you’ve created In Your Head. find people you really click with and genuinely enjoy talking to, and maybe see eventually if they’d want to move from talking through asks to dms to discord/text!

ummmm. i think that’s all i have to say on the topic, hopefully this wasn’t too disappointing to read because again, i’m not too sure how to organize my thoughts on the subject LOL but i’m wishing you all the best and i’m promising u that almost everyone in this community feels the same way !! make the first move/respond when someone maybe makes the first move to you + take it slow + be kind and patient and you will have friends lining up in ur dms to talk to u 🫡much much love !! 🫶🏽

[koba-baboba]

i just read your migraine fic and loki with a knife kink headcanons and i love them! sadly i’m too sleepy to read more so i’ll do that tmrw- bUt i saw your requests are open so i wanted to ask for some soft dom!loki and loki with a size kink headcanons before i forget! if that’s alright ofc- :3 have a good day!

Pairing: Loki x AFAB!reader

Warnings: smut, oral (female receiving) fingering, unprotected sex (don’t try this at home) one spank, some edging, soft dom!Loki, praise, this is very much unedited so my bad

Requests: open and begging to be filled

A/N: I want some criticism on this one. Whatever your thoughts, tell me them. I want to improve my writing for both my followers and myself. Either DM me, put it in an ask, or just comment your thoughts on this one!

“Loki these are all WAY too big for me” you huffed, annoyed that you’ve been looking for a dress for hours. You were short not petite, a difficult mixture, though loki loved it.

“Darling you look adorable” Loki hummed, staring at you with a soft smile. You huffed and ran a hand over your face.

“I look ridiculous loki! It goes down to the floor.” You grumbled, looking at yourself in the mirror with a deep frown. Loki stood and strolled up behind you, he wrapped his arm around you tightly, his fingers digging into your plush skin.

“If you hate it so much I could strip it off of you right here” he purred into your ear before pulling away, giving you no time to process anything. You felt your face heat up at his words, you were very much in public right now. You were opening and closing your mouth while you looked at loki through the mirror who was seemingly unaffected by his words.

“I um- I think I’m ready to go home babe” you whispered, already moving to go back to the dressing room. Loki smiled slyly and nodded at you. You made very quick work of the dress and your clothes. Tripping over you pants and royally fucking your hair up on your shirt before rushing out of the store, Loki in tow.

Loki didn’t know how to drive so you had to white knuckle your way back home. The entire drive loki had his hand tightly on your thigh. You were in for a treat once you got home. You broke several laws and somehow didn’t get pulled over during the drive.

As soon as the car was in park you were both *rushing* towards your apartment. Loki had a steel grip on your waist, his bag pulled in front of his crotch in a weak attempt to hide his hard on. It would’ve been funny if you weren’t feeling the exact same.

You fumbled desperately with your key, trying to shakily open the door. Loki sighed and guided your hand and pushed the door open roughly before slamming you back into it. His body was pinning yours against the door, his faces inches from your own.

“You’re so beautiful my love. So small underneath me, so easy to handle and mesh. Do you have any idea what you do to me?” Lokis voice was a mere whisper, sultry soft and genuine. You smiled faintly at him, tipping your head back against the wall to look up at him. Loki traced his long fingers over your cheek, giving you one moment of tenderness before ravishing you.

It was like a switch flipped on him, he pressed his lips against yours, all teeth and tongue. His hands gripping at any piece of clothing he could find, tearing it off swiftly. You were practically putty in his hands, letting him move and hold you in any way he wanted. Lokis lips slowly tracked along your skin. Leaving red hot marks in their wake.

It seemed to be a common occurrence for you to be naked while Loki remained clothed. Not that you were complaining, Loki in a suit was truly a treat. You were pressed against a wall, naked and panting, your eyes begging Loki for more. Lokis hands gripped your hips roughly, a brief warning before he hauled you up and over his shoulder. A small yelp left your lips despite knowing this was coming.

“This is my favorite view my love.” He chuckled, swatting at your ass. You giggled and dug your nails into his back, feeling him groan at the small sting. Lokis fingers were rough against your skin, digging into the soft flesh of your thighs. Loki opened your door and walked towards your bed. He wasn’t a fan of roughing you up, he always laid you down gently.

You wrapped your arms around the back of his neck and offered him a sickly sweet smile. He leaned down and pressed a soft and loving kiss to your lips. He trailed his lips down your bare body, praising any bit of skin he could. His cool skin clashing with the head of your body. Soft moans left your lips in praise of lokis endeavours, the smallest of gestures feeling like heaven.

You could feel a smile on lokis lips as he kissed your thighs. He traced his fingers over your cunt and grinned when he felt your wetness coat his digits.

“Always so ready for me my sweet.” He purred, rubbing small, slow circles over your clit. A sigh left your lips at the soft sensations, your eyes fluttering closed. Loki pressed two slender fingers inside of you, curling them against the deepest spot inside of you. Your back arched off the bed, your hips rutting against lokis fingers, silently begging for more.

“Patience my love” he chuckled, pressing one strong hand against your tummy, pinning you to the bed. Loki LOVED feeling stronger than you, he loved being able to keep you still with one of his hands. You always put up a bit of a fight just so he could get that gratification.

Loki decided to stop teasing you and sped up his fingers, twisting and scissoring them. Your moans and whines fuelled his endeavours, a devious smile spreading across his sharp features. Loki felt your cunt tighten on his fingers, telling him you were close to cumming, something you were guarantied tonight. Loki pulled his fingers out of you with no warning, chuckling dryly at your whines and pleas.

“Switch with me love” he hummed, ignoring your looks of pure hatred as he bosses you around. If looks could kill Loki would be dead twice over, but still you followed his orders. Loki rolled onto his, and you settled yourself on top of him. If you didn’t know him so well you would’ve thought that you were in charge here, sadly no.

“You can touch me pretty thing.” He cooed, brushing a few sweaty hairs out of your face. You huffed out a laugh and nuzzled into his cold hand, giving yourself a small breather. Loki rocked his hips up into yours as a small reminder that he wasn’t in a mood to be patient. You were quick in stripping him, reminding yourself you could ogle at him later.

You were sat on your heels between his muscled legs, waiting for him to make any sort of move. Loki just smiled at you and gave you a gentle nod, you weren’t entirely sure what it meant but you were willing to find out. You shimmied so your hips were hovering over his, his cock nudging at your entrance. You were already painfully on edge, Loki rarely denied you your release.

Sinking down on his thick cock had you whimpering and panting. Loki still seemed so calm and collected, it was almost frustrating how he looked so in control in every situation. You had to struggle to remain up right, your body shaking from the strain.

“Fall forward for me. I know it’s a lot baby, let me take care of you” Loki cooed, rubbing small circles into your hips. You collapsed onto him, nuzzling your face into his neck, muffling your pitiful moans. Loki set a gentle pace at first, a soft rocking motion that had you quivering.

Soft lips and gentle words engulfed you. Loki’s thrusts shaking you slightly as you groaned into his pale skin. You were SO close and Loki knew it, normally he would’ve being fucking you into next week, but right now he wanted to see how far he could push you. Anytime you got too close he would slow down or stop completely, letting you whine and squirm angrily before starting up again. He wanted you to *beg*

“Loki. Fuck. Please- I can’t- I can’t do this anymore- ple-FUCK!”

Those were the words he needed to hear. He propped his legs up and used the new leverage to fuck up into you with new found fervour. His hand coming up to cover your mouth and muffle your screams, his other tangling in your messy hair.

Your moans and his grunts mixed with the sinful slapping of skin bounced off your walls. Loki thrusted into you a few more times before he felt you fall apart, he chuckled when he felt tears on his skin. You’re orgasm hit you hard enough to make you see stars, tears involuntarily falling from your eyes.

Loki’s pace became messy and sloppy before he gave one last rough thrust and came inside of you with a groan of your name. You were still quivering on top of him when he came to his senses. He rolled you both over as slowly as he could, trying not to hurt you.

“Are you alright darling?” He asked lovingly, tracing his hands along your skin, searching for any bruises or sores. You giggled and gave him a giddy nod as you pulled him down for a sloppy kiss.

“Let me clean you up now so you can use the bathroom” he hummed, pulling out of you softly, watching you wince slightly. You relaxed and dozed off, completely exhausted. You jumped at the cold cloth that was pressed against your thigh suddenly but relaxed again when you realized it was just Loki. He was a stickler for aftercare, always making sure you were ok before drifting off into sleep.

“Loki I do still need a dress” you chuckled, suddenly remembering how you even got in this situation.

“It’s just a party love. Besides, we could spend that time MUCH differently now couldn’t we?”

[mostly-marvel-musings]

hi can u write a bucky femxreader where they hate each other and have a really loud yelling and fighting session and then it turns into a heated passionate makeout sesh and it goes from there (enemies to lovers hate sex!!!!)

Sparring

A/N: Okay here we have some angry sex with Mr Barnes, let me know if I nailed it!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: 18+ smut, angry sex.

Word count: 1.4+

Requests & Challenges

Bucky Barnes Taglist - @marvelgirl7

Everything Taglist – @godofplumsandthunder @ladyacrasia @agustdowney @swaggysposts @littlegasps @little-baby-vixen @another-stark-sub @supraveng @kahlanmars @disappointmentofthefam @pandaxnienke @tom-hlover @just-the-hiddles @fyreball66 @asmigurub @avantgardium-leviosa @imerdwarf @gladiosamicitias @fanofalltheficsx @ladyburberry

Taglists are open folks! Send me an ask or DM to be included in any of these ;))

“Again!”

Your arch nemesis yelled as you landed on the rubber mat with a huff, back hurting from being repeatedly thrown around during the sparring session. It wasn’t your day apparently and you kept missing punches and ended up on the floor more than you should have. Your sparring partner was a trainee which added insult to injury and given that you were being judged and yelled at by James Buchanan Barnes was just another blow to your ego.

It was no secret that you two didn’t get along. Years ago when he was the Winter Soldier, you had been sent by Shield to track him down in Bucharest which had gone south very quickly. You had almost lost your life and if weren’t for Natasha coming to your rescue, you wouldn’t have been here to hate him. The permanent scar on your abdomen thanks to his metal arm and the fact he’d choked you until you’d passed out – the now invisible finger marks around your throat were enough to remind you of all the hatred you felt towards him even years after he’d joined the good side.

“Are you snoozing over there (Y/L/N)? We’re not done just yet, let’s try it again.” Bucky’s harsh voice snapped you out of it as your opponent helped you stand up. You glanced at the man who had a look of disapproval on his face.

Channeling your rage was easy, you managed to get a few good kicks in and knocked your partner Jake down a couple of times, eyes flitting towards Bucky to make sure he was looking at your progress, but he didn’t seem fazed. Rolling your eyes, you went over to grab water from your gym bag to take a breather when Bucky stopped you.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Taking a little break. Don’t I get five minutes?”

“You’ll get a break when I say you can.”

“Hey I think we’ve had enough, we can call it a day.” Your partner offered, trying to diffuse the tension that was building.

He dismissed Jake but asked you to get back on the mats with him instead, you knew this was coming. You went for the water anyway while Jake got his things and left sending a sympathetic look your way as you wiped some sweat off with a towel.

Bucky flexed his arms till you joined back, just a little show off that you didn’t care about before you prepared yourself, guards up. You had to ignore his critical look at your stance otherwise you were sure to have punched him in the face right there and then.

You were quick to attack first but it was almost as if he was expecting the move, he dodged it with minimum effort and held you in a headlock, the metal arm around your neck while the other held your head making it slightly difficult for you to breathe.

“That was sloppy.”

His voice was low and breathy against your ear while you made futile attempts to free yourself. He did you a favour and let go, only to land a kick against your sides which you thankfully blocked just in time.

The sparring session went on for a while with you taking blow after blow, blocking a mere handful but adding to Bucky’s annoyance and your own rage. A final move had you pinned underneath him, his face inches from your own, the dog tags he always wore clinking against each other as they fell out of his training shirt. Bucky’s eyes shamelessly roamed over your heaving chest as the sweat made your skin glisten, the strands of hair that escaped your ponytail and clung to your forehead, your eyes that bore into his, defeat hidden beneath the simmering fire.

“I thought you were one of the good ones (Y/N). You disappoint me.”

“It’s funny how I thought the exact same thing about you Barnes.” You seethed before you pushed him off, stood up and went towards the bench where your bag was.

“We’re not done h—”

“Yes we are! I think I’ve had enough humiliation to last me a decade from you today. I don’t care if what you say, I’m done.” You turned around heatedly as you yelled, your voice echoing in the empty gym, stopping Bucky in his tracks as he watched angry tears gather in your eyes.

“You let emotions get in the way (Y/L/N) that never makes for a good agent which I had my doubts if you were, now it’s pretty clear.”

“Oh I’m sorry not all of us were brainwashed to be cold-hearted assassins Barnes.”

That was a step too far, you knew it, he knew it, but you were practically fuming at this point and it just slipped out.  

Bucky took slow, deliberate steps towards you, making you back away until your back hit the wall, as he stopped right at the point where your chests were almost touching. His human arm slid along your sides before he wrapped his hand around your throat.

“I can be cold-hearted when it comes to others things too little girl.” He whispered dangerously, the grip tightening just a little, enough to elicit a whimper from your lips.

“Don’t call me a little g—”

Before you could finish, his mouth slanted over yours in a bruising kiss that took you by surprise at first but soon you found yourself kissing him back with equal if not greater fervour. Wedging his knee to push your legs apart, his hand left your throat to pull the straps of your sports bra down to expose your breasts. Bucky’s tongue mingled against yours in an assault while he kneaded your breasts before tracing a pattern down your neck to the valley between your breasts where he sucked possessively. A groan fell from your lips when he grazed his teeth over your pert nipples.

Your hands desperately grabbed his shirt before pulling it over his head and throwing it somewhere in the back. He picked you up by the back of your knees before taking you over to a bench and carefully laying you on it, all while attacking your mouth with his ruthless kisses. Your eyes remained shut as you felt trapped in a heady mix of the need you felt for this man and the desire to have him in you right here in the compound gym and you were sure he felt the same as your leggings slid down your legs along with your panties to join the heap of clothes on the floor.

“You’re soaked baby girl… is that for me?”

Bucky’s fingers toyed with your glistening folds before sliding a finger inside as you gasped at the intrusion. Your eyes flew open just enough to watch him close his lips over your bundle of nerves while he added another finger, stroking your walls and stretching you out. Just as you were about to cum, Bucky pulled his fingers out causing you to whine out loud.

“Cold-hearted assassin was it?”

Previous anger came flooding back as you sat up only to push Bucky on the floor as he stared back at you, equal parts surprised and impressed. Undoing his pants in a hurry, you freed his erection and pumped his cock a few times, swiping your thumb across the tip to collect the precum. He watched you in awe as you worked him up, doing absolutely nothing to stop you as you straddled his hips before sinking down on his length.

“Oh fuck…”

“Where was all this aggression?” Bucky growled, grabbing your hair roughly to pull you down for a kiss as you began rolling your hips. Your eyes mapped every plain and dip of his chiselled torso all while your mind thought of ways to make him shut up.

Your nails scratched marks on his shoulders as you picked up the pace gradually, your sensitive nub brushing against his pubic bone every time but you wanted more. You drew tight circles with your own hand chasing your release before Bucky slapped it away only to replace it with his own deft fingers.

He began thrusting up faster, jaw clenched to suppress his moans, filling the room with the sounds of skin slapping against skin and your mewls as your walls fluttered around his cock deliciously, your orgasm consuming you whole, clouding your thoughts and triggering his release as his cock twitched before filling you with thick ropes of cum.

You collapsed against his sweat-lined chest and lay there for a bit, slowly floating back to the land of the living.

“Why do you hate me?” Bucky asked after you parted to put your clothes back on.

“Why do you?” You countered.

“You’re an obstinate incorrigible woman.”

“And you’re an arrogant piece of shit.”

The glares you gave each other melted away as smiles began appearing in place of them as you head out of the gym together, the after effects of your activities showing.

“You want to grab a bite to eat later?”

“No. I still don’t like you Barnes.”

[novoki]

dnd and improv

a dm’s worst fear is the pcs taking the plot where you don’t want it to go, or where you haven’t planned it to go. the instinct to “railroad” (force players onto a certain path) is strong but one of the worst things you can do - dnd is about the players’ story and choices, and taking this away from them negates the fun of the game.

improv is scary, but it doesn’t have to be! because of this i decided to put together this short guide on how best to deal with improv in your games.

leave space in your plot

the easiest way to deal with something is, naturally, prevention. if you’re terrified of having to deal with improv in your game, make sure the plot you write has space for things to develop and change in your game. if you want to set your party off on a quest out of town but are worried they won’t take the bait, set up multiple pathways to this outcome - say you want the pcs to go out of town to catch some bandits: you could introduce an npc whose relative has been taken by the bandits, or a guardsman who is putting up wanted posters for the bandits, or even a girl who says her dog ran off right to where the bandits are camping. this way, if your party refuse to speak to that Very Important npc you still have other options to advance the plot.

in my very first campaign, i needed the party to go a guard’s house to start a quest. in order to push this but not railroad, i created two stems the pc could take: upon entering town, they would see two npcs they could wish to help out, each who would eventually lead them to that house. they weren’t very detailed, just barebones in case i needed to use them. if they didn’t approach either of the npcs, i had a planned encounter where the guard stepped into town and gave a big speech and explicitly called upon the party for help. this allowed the plot to still develop even when it wasn’t going according to plan.

take opportunities

when things don’t go the way you planned, take advantage of the new opportunities you are presented with. if your pcs are spending more time with a random npc than a plot-relevant npc, tie the random one into your story - maybe they are the next victim of x’s master plan, or they happen to know information that will help the party. if the party goes a different way than you want them to, move around events and adjust them according to setting - the preacher they were going to meet in the town square to give them a prophecy now turns into a drunkard in a tavern who tells the party all the gossip he hears.

in the campaign i’m playing right now, our party ended up killing an npc and setting fire to his hut. his companion, in her grief, set off lightning strikes that scorched our hometown and killed everyone in it. when talking to the dm, i found out she never planned for that npc to die - the scorching was planned, but she had originally wanted a band of humans to come and set fire to the town while we were at the npc’s hut. but, once we killed the guy, she saw an opportunity and took it: she followed the exact same plot, but adjusted details to tie it into our choices.

speed up plot where necessary

if you’re in a situation where you have nothing for the pcs to do, speeding up your plot is a good way to ensure your party is never bored and always have something to do. for example, if a player decides to search an npc’s house and you have nothing planned for that, pull a revelation/piece of information you planned to explain later down the line and use it here. you want to reward your players for taking initative and being active, so make sure their choices don’t result in nothing. if they have decided to eavesdrop on a conversation because they thought the npcs were suspicion, use this as an opportunity to advance the plot - perhaps down the line you were going to unveil one of those as a traitor: do it now! perhaps you were going to involve them in the plot in a few sessions: do it now! 

you will, of course, have to then rearrange your plot to account for these moved details, but it ensures you are not struggling to come out with a brand new thing for your players to do/experience. 

conclusions

tl;dr summary:

- plan multiple pathways so you have more than one way to lead the party into the plot

- take opportunities that arise from the player’s actions to introduce new elements to the plot

- reveal plot elements early if you are afraid of improv’d scenes getting too stale/boring

i hope this guide helped y’all!

[smittenroses]

This post references the erotica side of the Tumblr community and its problem with minors engaging in it, no explicit content is shown to or alluded to in any way but this is just a response to a comment I got on a post while I was asleep.

If you are uncomfortable with the topics of NSFW or Grooming, please do not read this post.

I need to make this very clear now that participating in a community includes creating content that caters to said community and commenting on works.

this person im referencing is a minor and so is the person that made this comment, please do not go after either

god damn it, how is Twitter better at dealing with this than this hellsite?

Any dms, inbox messages, etc that defend the actions of minors in nsfw communities or adults allowing minors to engage in nsfw spaces will be blocked.

Found this in my email today soooo im having to address it again public style since the person has blocked me, yay!

yes, she was interacting with NSFW spaces in which those spaces are meant to be exclusively for adults only. her creating that content and publishing it while HIDING HER AGE (which she only did after i called her out privately and informed her that a lot of authors would be uncomfortable if she continued) means that she's inviting adults to interact with her works.

the only thing that had tipped me off to them was the fact they interacted with/reblogged my content originally and i told them not to.

Letting minors interact in NSFW spaces puts everyone at risk (v much legally) and shouldn’t be tolerated.

the person this statement is referencing as well was 16 at the time I discovered the blog (and when they did have their ages stated)

I wouldn't have an issue if they quietly went about it/didn't publish their stuff, but they’re actively engaging in the community by publishing NSFW works even if you don’t think so. Engaging in the community is still actively doing something, and that something is publishing NSFW works.

I also wanna state that yes, she was not posting images (but that would also get Tumblr shot off the app store again), but she is interacting with her audience in NSFW ways via her writing and commenting on adult creators’ NSFW pieces, in which I nearly almost replied to originally because her comment had been sweet (now imagine if I had, how creepy would that be!)

I was mfing nearly groomed at 14 because I thought the exact way you guys do, which evolved to me not having a very good relationship with the concept of the devil's tango, and now at 20 I'm now realising how fucking creepy I was when I did almost the exact same stuff you guys are trying to say is normal.

It isn't normal, this is the result of grooming continuing to grow and spread its influence in a community of children that are so impressionable.

And ffs, content creators are allowed to have their boundaries

[sungie]

𝐢'𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮: 𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐤𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐚/𝐧: literally nothing in this is canon but adkfl;djkfl; anyway thank you for reading!

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: it’s a comfort piece with fluff but it does deal heavily with topics of family trauma/depression/sadness

- -

“Suga,” you try, hesitantly, reaching for the sleeve of his jacket, “do you have a moment?” 

The grin on Suga’s face falters for a split second, and if you let yourself get swept into his bravado, you can almost pretend like you don’t see it.  Like you don’t see the way he’s trying so hard to keep this wild glimmer in his eyes, and loud laughter spewing from his mouth, and for a moment, you think you’ve caught him mid-glitch. 

His laughter lines pause, eyes widening slightly, then drooping, as if you’ve caught him doing something bad.  But he recovers, admirably, so, and his face gentles.  “Yeah, of course I do.  One second.”

You let his sleeve drop from your hands, and you watch as Suga bounds toward the door, calling out to the volleyball team lingering by the exit.  “I’ll catch you guys later, don’t wait up.” 

He’s met with a chorus of disappointed awws, whines from Hinata, and promises from Daichi that they won’t save him any meat buns, but Suga laughs them off, making sure to leave them with an everlasting grin and smiling eyes. 

“You’ve got to buy me a meat bun,” Suga teases, turning back to you.  “Compensation for my time.” 

You laugh, swatting at his chest.  “You’re so full of it.” And then, because he sticks his tongue out at you, “fine. I guess I’d buy you some.” 

“How many?

“A half.”

Suga looks at you dryly.

“Five.” 

At this he smiles satisfactorily, clearly amused.  “So what’d you need?”

It’s hard for the words to leave your mouth, and for a moment, the silence that stretches between the two of you is sticky and awkward, something that perhaps shouldn’t be said.  An amber mold preserving an old arachnid, one encased in circumstance to be played out in time.  And you’re shattering it. 

“I know, Suga.”  It’s out, and you sigh, squeezing your hands together behind your back.  “I know what you’re doing.” 

Suga’s grin is so large.  “What do you mean?  You’re not talking about those minutes I was late to practice, were you?”  He laughs, scrunching up his face.  “I promise I’ll do some extra laps, just for you.  You can watch me the whole time.”

“Suga.” 

And for once, his laugh is almost hostile.  And he can’t stop.  You can hear Oikawa in the back of your mind, murmuring Mr. Positive, Mr. Refreshing, over and over.  Like a chant.  A warning. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m laughing.  Look, (Y/N), I’ve got stuff to do.” He says, sheepishly, rubbing a spot at the back of his neck.  “Why don’t we put this conversation on hold and get food with the team?  I’ll pay?”  He grins.  “Well, for mine … and maybe yours.”

You and Suga share a look, and he winces.  You’re willing to bet he’s reliving the exact moment two weeks ago when he told you the same exact thing, and you raise an eyebrow at him. 

“I’m thinking no laps for two meat buns?” Suga tries, hoping for a smile from you.  

“On hold, Koushi?  Or never?” 

“Fuck,” Suga mutters under his breath. “Come on, (Y/N), not now --” 

“Hey,” you say, softly, “I’m not bringing this up because I want to hold it over you, or anything.  I’m just worried.  Really worried.”

Suga softens.  He holds his lip between his teeth, then tilts his head slightly to the side, trying to read you. He must see no animosity there, no ulterior motives, because he slowly reaches out to brush his thumb against your cheek, hesitating as his eyes hold something you haven’t quite seen before so openly.  “I know. And it means a lot that you do, really.  But there’s nothing going on.”  He gulps, smiling shyly, like an afterthought.  “I’m fine.”

And just as he’s about to leave, already turned and hand reaching for the door knob, your words make him freeze. 

“My parents don’t put me first, either.”

Suga freezes so rigidly that you nearly feel the air twinge with ice.  “What?” Suga’s voice, it’s so tight.  Almost as if you could break his vocal chords with a light exhale. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” you whisper, looking at his back, “but I thought it would help.  If you knew.  I’ll let you go, now.”

“How’d you know?” Suga whispers. 

A strangled sort of sound escapes your lips.  “Huh?”

“How’d you know?” He repeats. 

“There’s only one reason people act like you, Koushi.”

“What’s that?” 

“Pain.” 

“Ah,” Suga whispers, unable, or unwilling, to turn around.  “I see.”

Carefully, you step forward, lightly wrapping your arms around his waist.  You can feel how tense his back is, and you gently squeeze his torso, hoping that some gesture can help ease the walls he’s putting up day by day. 

“I guess you were watching that time, huh?” 

“Yeah.”

“And you read between the lines.”

You weigh the options between saying anything, and then decide to just go for it.  “Yeah.”

“Fuck.” 

You gently rest your head against his back.  “Sorry.”

“It’s funny, you know,” Suga says, almost bitterly, but more resigned, “that you’re the only one who noticed.”  He sighs, reaching out with one hand to lean against the doorframe.  “They’ve lived with me my entire life, and they think I’m perfectly fine.  Everyone does.”

“It’s fucked up.” 

Suga breathes out, and you can picture his exhausted laugh, despite everything.  “Yeah.”

“What is it for you?” You try, your hands gentle against him.  His inhale feels shaky against your arms, and you mindlessly press your lips to the back of his jacket. 

“My brother,” he relents. “there’s only really room for one of us to be loved.  And my parents, well, they never understood emotions much.  Maybe they just weren’t ready for parenting.  Or something.”  He sighs.  “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad it’s him.  But I just …”

“Wanted to come first for once,” you murmur.  “You wanted to be seen.”

Suga sags, letting out a tired breath.  “Exactly.”

“How bad is it?” 

Suga laughs quietly.  “I’m okay, really --”

“Koushi.” 

“It hurts,” Suga murmurs, gently taking one of your hands around his waist and guiding it to his chest.  “Sometimes it hurts so bad, here.  Like a hole. But sometimes, I don’t know, it just ...” he falters off, searching for words.  “Feels numb?  I don’t even know what I’m saying.” 

“Makes sense, Koushi. Maybe almost like there’s nothing there, too. Just … drifting.”

Suga’s chest heaves, like he’s suppressing an amused laugh. “Yeah.  It’s like you know exactly what I’m …” He freezes. “Oh, shit.” 

Slowly, very slowly, Suga turns in your grasp, reaching to gently cup your cheeks in his palms.  “Why didn’t you stop me … I didn’t think about you.” 

Your eyes widen. “No, don’t you dare.”

Suga stops, confused.  “What?” 

“You’re doing it again.  Putting people first.”

Suga frowns, then brushes his thumb against your cheek, his touch lingering on your skin longer than it’s ever been.  “So are you.”

You falter, words dying from your lips.

“Oh,” Suga whispers, allowing a teasing lilt to enter his voice, “are we going to kiss, now?” 

You whack him in the chest, and he laughs, shaking his head.  “Kidding, kidding.  But I’m serious, (Y/N).  You do the same exact things I do.”

“No,” you mutter, stubbornly. “I’m your co-manager, and it’s my role to help you all out when I think something’s wrong --” 

“No,” Suga whispers, “you knew because that’s your life, too.” 

“But it’s your turn,” you protest.

“I was told it’s nice to take turns,” Suga smiles at you, gently.  “Were you not?”

You laugh, attempting to turn from his gaze. He’s looking at you so tenderly, and with so much care, too.  It’s strange. 

But Suga gently holds you in place.  “I won’t force you to share things with me, (Y/N).  I’ll come to you if I need help, but I want you to come to me, too.” 

“You’re going to have to swear on that.”

Suga throws his head back and laughs, and this time it’s real.  When he turns back to look at you, the rosy glow in his cheeks flushes his face and adds light to his eyes.  “I can’t ever fool you, can I?”

“I’m your Achilles Heel.”

Suga smirks.  “In more ways than one.”

“Are you still flirting, Koushi?” You try to stifle a grin.  “You do know I’m --”

“Not ready for a relationship.  Yeah … I know.”  Suga looks at you fondly.  “I know.  Don’t worry.”

The smile fades from your lips.  “Then why?”

“I’ll wait for you.”

“It won’t work.”

“Maybe.  But are you saying that because you don’t want a relationship with me, or because you’re scared of letting people in?” 

Your eyes widen, and you impulsively take a step back from Suga.  “I, um, I just think we’re too similar.” 

“Maybe.  But we won’t know unless we try.”  He gently leans down to press his lips to your temple.  “So for now, I’ll wait for you.  Until you’re ready, or until you grow tired of me.  Either works.”

“Grow tired of you? I wouldn’t ever.  I don’t know why you’d say that.”

“Just in case. I don’t want you to feel pressured.  And,” he murmurs, his eyes taking on a far-off look, “I wouldn’t want you to feel guilty for needing to take space.  You know.”

“I wouldn’t ghost you.” 

Suga laughs.  “Cute. I’m sure you say that to all the people in your DMs.”

“They’re just really good friends.  That I sometimes don’t talk to for a while.” 

“Yes.” Suga nods in faux understanding, “I’m sure that’s the case.”

“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you,” you hiss.

Suga just gazes at you softly.  “Thank you.” 

“Huh?  For what?” 

“For today.” Suga lets the corner of his lips tug up.  “For understanding.  And for letting me vent.”

You feel heat rise to your cheeks but shake your head, walking for the door.  “Buy me meat buns at Ukai’s.” 

“No,” Suga teases.  “You said you’d buy me five.”

“I wasn’t serious!”

“Neither was I,” Suga teases, poking you in the ribs.  “Come on, I’ve got you.”  And as he reaches for your hand, he smiles at you.  “I always do.” 

[hwrryscherry]

The one when Y/N meets Harry.

 November 28th, 2017 - Shanghai, China

Today is the day. Today is the day you’ll be walking for Victoria’s Secret for the first time. Dreams do come true. You traveled all the way up from New York to Shanghai with some of your best friends after getting ready for this day for the past months. It wasn’t easy if you must admit. Having to follow a strict diet and working out almost every day was hard but being here today it’s totally worth it.

   ‘’Alright, it’s almost show time. I need everybody to be ready by minutes!’’ — The stage manager yelled while walking through all those tall ladies that were probably much taller than him. As usual, there’s going to be four segments and I’ll be in just two of them. At this moment, it’ll be the Goddess segment which looks completely stunning. You look around to see all those gorgeous women around me with their perfectly styled hair, beautiful golden wings and lingerie getting their final touch ups just like you are. You have no idea if it’s the amount of people around you now that are touching your hair, putting makeup in your face, fixing up the tiara or even if it’s the idea of having all eyes on you in just a few minutes. Of course, you wanted it to be perfect, it’s your first VS show and you can’t stand the thought of falling or anything like this.

You tried to calm down and focus on your breathing while staring to those extremely big screens hanged on the wall that showed the stage from every possible angle and you could totally notice that there was a lot of people out there.

‘‘I remember my first time too! I felt like my heart was about to leave my body’‘. Bella, that was right beside me getting herself ready as well.

 ‘‘Well, yeah! I’m one step to passing out now’‘. You joked while feeling this small woman finishing the touch ups of your outfit. It was stunning. There was a lingerie, of course, which looked like a white color but it was actually more into ai really light tone of grey. And they complemented it with a super long baby blue fabric over the lingerie. You had a super goddess like a golden tiara upon your head and some diamonds made up jewelry on your neck and years that probably costed more money than you could afford.

‘‘Romee! Where is Romee?We need Romee!’‘. The stage manager called Romee as she would be opening the runaway and you could see from the corner of your eye that she was almost running to get from the starting place. She literally looked like a Greek goddess with those beautiful long blonde locks and blue eyes. ‘‘Ok girls, I need all of you to get by your entering positions, alright?’‘ , by this phrase, all of you start to go to your marked positions. Yours was right before Bella which made you a little bit more confident because at least you had to do it with your best friend by your side. 

You stared again at the big screens in the wall that showed the stage, seeing that it was a little bit dark, there was a big structure rising up from the floor and apparently there was a band inside of it. Everything looked really well produced, and you really tried to recognize in some way the melody of the instrumental song that was playing to know who was the band but your mind was totally blank now. All you could focus on was that you were just about to realize one of your biggest dreams. You looked at the line of tall girls in front of you as you listened to a scream. You knew this song by the melody. You couldn’t believe your ears and eyes. It was Only Angel by Harry Styles, it literally was Harry Styles. For some reason the fact of knowing this song so well made you a lot more confident. He started singing and the stage manager told Romee to go when Harry sang ‘’Broke a finger, knocking on your bedroom door’’ and Romee started doing her fabulous catwalk. And then Laís Ribeiro entered with the fantasy bra, which it’s the million dollar bra from VS, again, probably more expensive that you could afford. By the time that Romee came back from the backstage you were just leaving.

Being there totally put your adrenaline levels the highest it has ever been. The light, the other models, the crowd, the song. Everything was perfect. You were smiling thinking to yourself ‘’please don’t cry, please don’t fall’’, but you manage to do it, one foot in front of the other and posture, you looked glamorous, mostly like what Aphrodite would look like in real life.

‘’I must admit I thought I'd like to make you mine As I went about my business through the warning signs End up meeting in the hallway every single time And there's nothing we can do about it’’

That was the part Harry had just song when you entered. Harry, of course, didn’t know you as you never talked before, except for that one DM. But he was stunned by the moment he saw you walking. He thought to himself how spectacular you looked as you walked towards him with that beautiful smile of yours.

‘’Told it to her brother and she told it to me That she's gonna be angel, just you wait and see’‘

Harry kept singing as you walked beside him. You looked at him and winked at the British boy as you held the baby blue fabric over you up to create a wing effect and Harry was just so caught up with the song and the moment that he kneeled down. Harry Styles literally got on his knees to you while signing those exact words:  

‘’When it turns out she's a devil in between the sheets And there's nothing she can do about it Hey, hey’’ 

You were surprised. Shocked actually. But the show couldn’t stop because you were flattered and honored about the fact that HARRY STYLES GOT ON HIS KNEES for you. So you kept walking and blew a kiss in the air to the camera started to walk back to the backstage when you saw your mom in the crowd looking extremely proud of her baby, you waved at her right before entering the backstage again.  

The models were all celebrating and hugging the others. In the moment you step into the backstage Bella came hugging you and you hugged her back. You feel so happy and pround of yourself for that. The camera focused on you guys as you looked to the camera and said ‘’It was amazing!’’. And it really was. Your heart was beating as fast as never and even the same small lady that was fixing your outfit earlier came to you and Bella saying ‘’Come on girls, you have to change outfits!”. You and Bella walked hand in hand to the appareal and only parted ways when had to change lingeries. This time Bella and you wouldn’t walk at the fellow segment and apparently has Harry’s again.

The lingerie looked different though, this one was a black lingerie with actual wings. Some beautiful and medium sized blue wings and blue long gloves. And again you were ready to enter the stage. Looking up to the screens as I was going to watch this time, the big structure was rising from the floor again and Candice Swanepoel entered looking fabulous, I mean, it’s Candace right. 

In general, the show was so good. He sang Kiwi, which is one of your favorites. You couldn’t stop singing at the backstage the entire time. And when the entire show was done and everybody was backstage eating pizza so you’re a hundred percent happy now, Harry was a little farther away from you wondering if he should go talk or not with you, even though he have this feeling that he knows you from somewhere and he just can’t remember where. So he decided he would come with the excuse that he thinks he have met you before. Harry walked towards you wearing a black suit with a pink shirt while holding a red cup with coke on. You were so focused on eating your pizza and didn’t even noticed the boy behind you, so he touched your right shoulder with his hand calmly while talking lowly ‘’Excuse me’’ as you turned out to look at him. You were still in your outfit except for those big blue wings that you had already taken off and at that moment Harry thought to himself about even though he had met tons of pretty women in his life but you were the prettiest. Everything about you was beautiful, your eyes, your nose, your lips and that smile you had held up in your face since the runaway. You were focused on his face too. You stared into his big green eyes and how they were sparkling in this moment.

— Hi! I... — He said, brushing his thought of his mind and held out his right hand for you — I’m Harry!

— I know!  — You told him shaking your hands with his as a meeting form, soon using the same his to grab one more piece of pizza  —  I’m Y/N! You were so great out there, really I’m impressed!

  — Oh  —  Harry said while exhaling a small laugh while analyzing your face to try to know with you were flirting, or just being nice. You were just being nice. Of course Harry is extremely handsome, but you really just think he’s being friendly at this moment.  —  So I made a good first impression then! That’s good.

— Excuse me? Of course you did! I love your songs, I’m like a super fan.  —  You told him being honest, you have been normally shy meeting new people, but something in how he acted and talked really made you feel comfortable straight away.

—  I’m flattered! — Harry said, putting his free hand over his clothed while closing his eyes and giving you a cheeky smile — So..Is this your first time in Shanghai?

—   Yes! I haven’t been to many places actually, just basic Fashion Week places by now, which I love of course! Is it your first time too?

— Actually yes! I’m on tour but me and my band mates are gonna take a walk through the city this night, you know, to have a experience  —  Harry explained to you and turned around a little to show you his band mates by the corner of the room where Mitch, Adam, Sarah, Naomi and Charlotte who were staring at you both indiscreetly waved as noticed that Harry were pointing at them. As the nice girl you were, you smiled and waved at them back before returning your attention to Harry  — Maybe you would like to come with us...If you want of course, don’t feel obligated to, please!

You laughed about his concern of making you feel obligated or uncomfortable about something and looked around searching for Bella through the room, you saw her talking with the other models and stared back at Harry.

—  I’m with my friend Bella and we kinda wanted to do the same thing so.. If it’s okay if she comes too, I really want to, don’t worry!   —  You were truthful, you and Bella really were planning to explore Shanghai through the night, but of course you wouldn’t go out in a city you don’t know with a group of people you don’t know. You truly don’t think they would be capable of causing you any kind of harm, but it’s always great to be cautious.

— It’s perfect! Let’s go then, do you want to go now or?... —  Harry asked tenderly while rubbing his multiple rings on his hand.

— I mean...I gotta put some clothes on, but we’ll do it now and we’ll find you guys here?  —  You said, putting a lock of your hair behind your ear before leaving your empty cup by the table beside both of you.

— Sure!

[kbsd]

not sure if you’ve answered this before, but what’s your process look like when you make an amv? i’m just curious and in constant awe of ppl who can make videos like you do :)

hello all!!! i have answered this before and i have a vid help tag with other asks i’ve gotten about stuff like this! but i’ve gotten several more messages along these lines so i’m just going to answer a bunch of them together (under a cut since i love to ramble about editing lol). i do just wanna say i’m definitely not the authority on video editing and obv everyone has their own techniques!

edit: i just finished typing all this up and it’s SO long so sorry in advance LMAO god bless anyone who reads this entire thing

so i work in news tv and we have a very specific workflow for writing scripts, sourcing video, producing, and editing. i’ve just applied that to making amvs! for every video i make, i copy the song lyrics into a google doc and adjust them to match the song i’ve cut (i often will trim songs for time and/or content purposes). then i start planning! i’ll mark down what clip i want to use for each lyric next to that line, and any sound bites i want to use (with episode numbers!). i’ll color code between video and sound bites and lyrics, so my scripts end up looking something like this (for my honeybee amv):

doing the planning ahead of time makes everything much easier when it’s a video that spans the whole show or involves a lot of sourcing, like honeybee or sports analogies. that way when i get to the actual editing process, i already know what i’m going to do and have a game plan. for videos like happy ending or believe it or not, where i’m mainly just pulling from a few episodes, i can just plan it in my head as opposed to writing it all down, and produce as i edit. obviously i do make in-the-moment decisions while editing—sometimes a shot doesn’t work the way i thought it would, or i go where the video takes me—but planning ahead definitely helps. i know some people use spreadsheets as well, with columns for lyrics, video clips, and sound bites if applicable. once you find a system that works, it actually goes pretty quickly.

as for sourcing clips themselves/finding clips within episodes, i talked about that here and kind of here. the short version is that transcripts are a must, and the supernatural wiki is hugely helpful by cataloguing all the hugs, prayers, phone calls, etc. in the show. gifmakers that tag episode numbers on their posts are your friends. it gets easier the more video you make—that’s another huge reason i make the google docs for each video (even the ones i plan in my head, i end up going back and making a loose script with episode notes just for reference). if i can’t remember where something is but i know i used it in another video, i can easily reference past scripts!

i also cut all my videos in the same project in premiere pro, so i can flip between them easily. instead of checking a past script, i can just go to the video sequence itself and copy the clip i’m looking for! this was especially helpful when i match cut together the 5x18 and 4x22 wall slam shots for my bestie video, and then stole it from myself for honeybee hahaha. at any given time i have at least 8 sequences open:

because of the sheer volume of videos i make, it’s worth it for me to download the entire show—i have all 327 episodes in HD, plus deleted scenes. if you think you’re only going to make a few videos, i’d start with scene packs. you can usually just google “destiel [or whatever ship/character you’re looking for] scene packs” and there will be any number of ones you can download. if you need other specific scenes, you can always download/torrent individual episodes or screen record netflix (that’s what i did before i got HD download links). i’m happy to share my links if you DM, but be warned it’s a lot of disk space (about 500GB on my hard drive). someone also compiled every destiel scene, downloadable here.

having every episode already loaded in premiere for all my projects also makes it a lot easier to source clips. once i use a clip in a video, i’ll put a marker on the episode file, so that after a while i have most of the important scenes/lines marked to easily find them. to give you an idea, this is my episode file in premiere for 12x10 lily sunder has some regrets (markers at destiel scenes, the car fight, hot girl cas, etc.). markers are the green tabs along the bottom:

premiere also lets you color code and name markers, so ONE DAY i will go back and color code them all. the ones above are all the same color, but in a perfect world, i’d have a myraid—for destiel shots like hugs, touches, looks; for important pieces of dialogue; for action shots; etc. but for now this works ok for me, so that’s a project for another time!

between detailed scripts, one giant premiere project, markers, the wiki, and my own memory, i have so many points of reference that i can usually find any clip i need in about 2 minutes max. sound bites are often harder to start out, or tiny specific shots i haven’t used before, and that’s when i turn to tumblr gifsets or beloved mutuals to crowdsource. but if you’re as obsessive about marking/keeping neat scripts as i am, it gets easier and easier with every video you make. that’s part of why i’m able to cut videos together so quickly. (also i want to stress i do this for a living and have to produce/edit a new piece for my show every day so i’m used to it. and compared to constantly updating content/sources and news that changes every day, 327 highly documented episodes that never change are much easier to handle hahaha)

this is all great for me since i make so many videos and plan to continue doing so, but if you’re only making a few, this level of work isn’t worth it imo. really it’s all about developing a system that works for you. whatever you do with episodes/sourcing, though, i cannot recommend planning things out in a script ahead of time enough. 

everything i just mentioned is producing, though. for the editing process, i usually do it in this order:

music first. any parts i want to cut, i make sure it all sounds smooth

then soundbites. i usually try to weave them into the lyrics—i have characters talk in breaks between lines or instrumental sections as much as possible. i’ll sometimes go so far as looped/extending an intsrumental part to make room for the soundbite i want there lol. if i do have dialogue over a line, i do the sound mixing/levels at this point as well to make sure everything is audible/one doesn’t overpower the other. (also i always include the video that goes with these bites when i drop them in, and decide later if i want to show the character speaking or have other clips cover the dialogue)

once i have all the audio locked in, then i bring in all my other video clips. sometimes i edit completely chronologically, sometimes jumping from section to section—it depends on the song or how i’m feeling

double check sound mixing. i usually listen to my videos through a few times, with headphones and without to make sure it’ll sound good no matter how people watch it

once i have picture and audio lock, i go through and color correct my clips. i’m basic and just use lumetri color in premiere, and usually just play with brightness, saturation, temperature, and tint until i like it

render and export! :)

i always have several audio tracks, but i try to keep my video tracks condensed. i’ll drop clips on a V2 level, and edit a section there, and drop the whole chunk down to V1 so i know it’s finished. that way when i leave and come back i can know where i left off/what’s done/etc. to give you an idea, this is the timeline for my what the hell video:

i always render as H.264 with high bitrate, and make sure to check “render at maximum depth” and “use maximum render quality” for the best quality. i’m sorry, but i don’t know what the equivalent options are in final cut, imovie, kdenlive, etc. i post on youtube mostly so i don’t have to sacrifice quality, but usually just using a lower bitrate will get you under the tumblr file size limit and it’ll still look good.

as for the anon who asked about “polishing”: first of all, thank you!! second of all, it’s in the details. all of this is a matter of taste and my own insanity, but here are some little things i always try to do:

after i color correct, i blur out any credits from the starts of episodes. i use gaussian blur for this, but really any blur tool works

as much as possible, i avoid clips where we see a character’s mouth move but don’t hear the words. in tv/film we call it “lip flap” and i just think it looks messy. also i’m trained to avoid it at all costs at work hahaha. it’s more for serious videos that this matters a lot to me (e.g. i think i did a really good job eliminating lip flap in my happy ending amv)—for comedy videos i don’t sweat it as much

i put audio fades on the start and end of every single audio clip i use, even if i don’t think i need it, to make sure everything sounds smooth

i use markers for timing, especially in action-y videos like what the hell. i’ll put a marker on the clip i’m using at the exact moment a punch lands, and in the song on the beat. if i have the magnet/snap in timeline tool on i can just easily snap them together instead of having to spend time finagling it

this is such a small thing but i dip/cut to black for a tiny bit at the start and end of every video. this way if i post with tumblr video player, there’s black between the loops, and it gives you a beat before the video restarts. i do this even on videos i post on youtube, just because i think it looks nicer/more professional

this is 1,500 words so i’m going to stop myself before i pull something. if you have follow-up questions feel free to ask and i’ll continue to add them to the vid help tag, but any more questions about sourcing clips or my process in general i’ll just link this post going forward. anyone who made it this far, i am sending to a telepathic kiss. thank you for reading and happy editing!

[pearwaldorf]

If I never see another post from Franzeska aka olderthannetfic here it will be too soon. How dare she answer questions about racism and AO3 like she wasn’t one of the people who helped build it into the very structure of the site? I am quoting this directly from her post (emphasis mine): 

We picked the archive warnings from things that were common on older fic archives. Which, yes, reflects what fandom cared about at the time and is not neutral. (And when I say “we”, I do mean me specifically. I can’t remember how much my committee chose those and how much the Board and others drove the exact selection, but I did a lot of the research into older archives at the time. Including something about racism straight up never occurred to me in 2008.)

And sure, our views can evolve a lot in a decade. But Racefail happened in 2009, and none of the topics discussed at the time are different than those we’re focusing on today, 11 years later. For shits and giggles, here is my archived Livejournal post about the entire mess. If you click through to the other links (synedochic’s in particular), I think you will see this is something that didn’t just pop up with Tumblr and the SJW/anti contingent. (I’m not comfortable with conflating antis/fandom fundies/purity wankers with fans legitimately criticizing racism in fandom, but that is how a lot of it gets lumped together as a dismissive tactic.)

Which brings us to That Piece of Shit Meta in 2016. I am linking to the Fanlore entry for context, because the Actual Piece of Shit Meta is archive-locked (you can access it from Fanlore if you really want to read it, but it’s 16K of garbage).

A selection of commentary about it:

Guys, this was the problem all along. I’m doing fandom wrong by falling in love with the wrong source text. If I’d only understood that this wasn’t my space to enjoy non-white and/or non-male characters, because the majority of characters are white men, imagine how much happier I’d be in my life. (allofthefeelings)

they’ve been spouting yt apologia while fetishizing asian culture for years, this is nothing new. i’m pretty sure i’ve read franzeska saying the same things back when racefail ‘09 was going down. like most of this isn’t surprising bc it is exactly what we saw yt lj fandom peeps spouting in 2007-2010 and i’m personally not shocked that these people learned absolutely nothing. they don’t want to learn and being accountable for their actions. (astro-projection [edited to correct quote attribution and link])

Franzeska goes deep into the history of AO3 to talk about why slash is represented heavily there... But in 16,000 words over 13 chapters, there is not one mention of Racefail ‘09. Not a single reference to the time a popular Harry Potter LJ community used a racial slur as a prompt in 2007. Nothing about the Supernatural RPF Big Bang story that used the 2010 Haiti earthquake as a backdrop for a J2 love story (THAT’S A REAL THING THAT HAPPENED). Nothing about the time in 2006 that comics BNF Te pointed out the marginalization black characters faced on two then-juggernauts of white m/m slash fandom, Angel and Smallville. (snarl-furillo, the entire comment is worth reading so please click through)

This erasure of context and history is violent. Because many of the women of color who originally (and still) critique/d and resist/ed fandom’s normalized racism/misogynoir did so to their own detriment and with not insignificant risk to their personal well-being, safety, and privacy. Women of color were ‘outed’ by other fans for speaking out (doxed). They were attacked and silenced from all sides. They lost friends and community. They had to, with great vulnerability, cut themselves open and drag out their own private, internal experiences to air for all the (white) people who disbelieved them. They often found themselves speaking directly to a fucking wall of over-sensitive whiteness that would just as easily topple right on top of them. If anything in fandom is precious, it’s white feelings. And it always has been. (halfhardtorock)

In 2017 she was part of a Kickstarter to do a film about fangirls and fandom. I asked (you’ll need to hit “show comment” to see it) her to publicly comment about That Piece of Shit Meta, which she did. 

But before she did, Chelsea Woods, the co-creator of the project, emailed me about the comment. I don’t remember what exactly the email said, because it was a really long time ago, but she wanted to talk to me about the meta, perhaps to help formulate a response. Chelsea also reached out to somebody else outspoken about the issue at the time, and this is from a DM exchange I had with them:  

I understand why Chelsea reached out, as the head of the project and probably because she thought I would be more likely to respond instead of Franzeska. But tbh it feels like Franzeska's trying to get somebody else (a woman of color) to do the legwork for her. To the best of my knowledge I don't have F blocked on Twitter or Tumblr, and it's not like my email is hard to figure out.  I don't exactly relish the thought of talking to her, but as the one who fucked up, I feel like it is incumbent upon her to make the gesture...

I basically told Chelsea the same as you, that at this point there is very little she can do to demonstrate she understood what she did was fucked up, and that she has learned anything from the experience.

And when I tried to reblog her response, I found out Franzeska had blocked me, if that gives you any indication of how much she honestly wants to engage in discussion. 

Which brings me to now. I was literally today years old when I learned that Franzeska was head of the Abuse team for A While. (Bess says 2008-2012.) So suddenly a lot of things make sense, especially the lackluster (to put it politely) response about racist nonsense I’ve heard over the years, like in male hockey RPF. [edit: additional context in this post, ty Rukmini]

Certainly Franzeska is not responsible for everything racist about AO3, but she has definitely had a hand in shaping a culture that sacrifices the well-being and comfort of black users (among others) on the altar of “maximum inclusivity of content”. To turn the phrase back on them, who is “our own”? Why is it important to preserve an environment where a racially fetishistic fic that objectifies a black hockey player can stay up but a black fan basically has to go in like Viago checking for sunlight?

There is a balance between draconian content restrictions and letting racism, sexism, transphobia, etc run rampant on the site. I’m not saying it will be possible to find it immediately, or that it won’t change over time. But we have to try, if the AO3 is truly committed to making it a place that includes everybody, and not just the specific group of people who designed the site.

[soukokuwu]

! urgent! Hello Rachel Can I request just an comfort cuddling in bed scenario with Dazai? I'm so done with everything at the moment Everything is too much, the work , the school I'm so stressed out. My best friend (TW self-harm & suicidal thoughts/attempt?) told me she cut her self again and swallowed like 15 tablets..... I wouldn't say that it triggers me anymore but I'm feeling so bad because I don't know how to help her. 😔

THE PERFECT ESCAPE.      genre. fluff, just pure fluff      synopsis. he strives to be everything you give to him.      word count. 1.4k      author notes. hi! i’m so sorry to hear that, i really hope that on your side that you can find comfort in this. my fluff isn’t too good but i do hope it makes you feel at least a little better. and i know the overwhelming feeling all too well, if you ever need to vent/talk my dms are open okay, anony? <3

favourite book in one hand with the other twirling in his own brown locks, he hums a tune he’s made up in his head while his eyes gloss over the page he’s flipped to. it’s a book he’s read countless times and he already has the whole thing memorised by now.

still, he’s addicted.

one other thing he’s addicted to?

your love.

it’s been on the back of his head for a while now — what makes him so attracted to you? it’s different with you. how is it that someone like you, who’s so simple to understand, so, in lack of better vocabulary, ‘layman’, manages to pique his interest? he thinks of it all the time. everyone is normal in his mind, with the exception of ability users, of course, but then, why is it that only you manage to retain his interest?

more often than not, you’re the only thing that remains a constant in his mind, occupying a permanent spot in every thought that crosses it.

it had taken a while, but how is it that you’ve managed to stop making him question how much he deserves every ounce of happiness you’ve bestowed upon him? sure, people might find dazai osamu a remarkable man, one they’d both fear yet crave as an ally. but the man in question finds you absolutely exceptional.

when he thinks of you he thinks of jovial footsteps skipping across the hardwood floors of your shared apartment. he thinks of cotton candy smiles accompanied with contagious laughter. he thinks of bright, alluring eyes brimming with determination. he associates you with the sun in winter, and how good the warmth feels against his skin. he associates you with the calm after the storm, the reward for every hardship he’s been put through.

which is why the moment he hears the keys jingling outside the door, his eyes shoot up, staring up ahead at nothing in particular; at the random dust motes floating through the air. something is off about the way you unlock the door. it’s you; there’s no question about it, he can hear the familiar click-clack of your heels as they uncharacteristically trudge in, any of their usual mirth missing.

and when he watches you pass through the bedroom doors, flinging your purse harshly against the dresser, he knows he’s right. something’s happened with you — he can usually tell at one glance what it is, but today the possibilities find themselves all jumbled up in his mind, like information overload.

oh, that must be it, isn’t it?

your habits are usually followed through each day, but not today. today you don’t even make an effort to get a change of clothes first before heading for the bed (where dazai’s usually already waiting before you get home). so now, dazai doesn’t let you slump down onto the bed. he catches you before you hit the mattress, allowing your head to find purchase on the comfort of his chest.

just like a switch, instead of overflowing determination, tears start spilling from your eyes, dissolving into the cotton of dazai’s plain white shirt; the one you got him as a moving-in-together present. he had felt bad about not getting you anything (he didn’t even think it was a custom to, which you agreed, but you had just felt like you wanted to give him something). it’s very soft and comfortable, which is why he wears it almost everyday.

soft and comfortable — just like you.

now he wants to be that for you. to be the warmth that you envelop and let yourself go in. the safety amongst unknowns and the shelter from the storms. it’s hard considering he’s typically known for being the exact opposite — the one who stirs trouble instead of soothing anyone from it. but for you he tries, because you’re the only one alive capable of making him want to bring out the good in himself.

but he knows better than to ask you about it, he knows it’ll just make you even more frustrated. besides, he’s smart enough to realise the ‘information overload’ he felt earlier is the catalyst for your mood. dazai always knows, and in this moment it is no exception. he can hear from your suppressed sniffles and the subtle clenching of your jaw that you’re trying to hold it in, trying not to cry so much. now this, he doesn’t understand why. do you not feel comfortable around him to let yourself go?

“cry as much as you need to, belladonna, i’ll be here for you, all the way.”

you’re receptive to it, as he can tell by the way you clutch on to his shirt tightly, your nails bound to leave crescent-shaped indentations on your palms. you continue to pour your emotions out through your eyes, with dazai patiently waiting, one arm round your back and the other pulling locks of your hair away from your face.

he never once thought that he would ever associate tear-stained cheeks and humid heat with perfect, but that’s what he thinks now. but no, that’s inaccurate. he thinks the crab dishes you make and the way the sun hits your face is also second to none.

“hey,” dazai calls out your name, planting a kiss upon your eyelids before flashing you a confident grin, “whatever it is, i know you’ve got this, okay?”

in comes your self-deprecating laugh, a sign of your inherent doubt in your own abilities, or rather, the lack thereof. “i just feel like i’m screwing everything up and that everything’s just piling one on top of the other and…”

dazai lets you ramble on, lets you get that weight off your chest. doesn’t interrupt you with pointless, empty sugar-coated consolations. instead he makes sure you tell him of every single thing that’s bothering you now (of your own volition, because he never forces you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with). and when you finally fall silent save for the sound of your heavy breathing, he knows that there is something that’s still stuck in the back of your head. something that surpasses the average problems that school and work proposes.

but he doesn’t press. instead, you find him baring his soul. a different kind of comfort, the most effective one in your book, and it’s still comfort all the same.

“i think, despite everything i’ve been through,” he lets his digits caress down from your temple to your chin, curving his index finger and tilting you upwards so he can look into your eyes as he tries to tell you of something important, “you’re one of the strongest people i’ve ever met.”

your mouth is slightly agape, as though you wanted to say something but you decide against it midway. dazai chuckles knowingly, “you know i’ll never say things i don’t mean, belladonna —” a peck on the lips, and he licks the saltiness away — “never to you.”

everyone can remind you of how strong you are, but none of them will ever carry the weight that dazai’s brings. with him you know he means it, you know he’s serious. because he never takes these things — or you, for that fact — lightly. and you can’t seem to think of how good you must have been in your life to deserve someone like him; someone who knows to be patient and makes you an exception although he’s not one to be known for doing so.

you feel special, wanted, significant.

and he doesn’t let up on it for the rest of the night. he leaves you for just a moment, so you take the chance to slip out into something more cosy. this means oversized sweaters and shorts. and you are pleasantly surprised when your boyfriend comes into the room armed with snacks and hot chocolate, which, in his head, represents a delectable heat to shelter through the storm.

he even has all your favourite movies and series lined up in a folder on your smart television, choosing one at random to start with while he lets you settle into his arms. all through the shows, he does subtle things like feed you a piece before feeding himself, and lightly squeezing your arm in a constant pattern (which you later learn on your own is morse for ‘i love you’). it’s in these little things that surprisingly touch you the most.

it’s in how he doesn’t — despite knowing many things — actually know how to be the least bit comforting yet he tries anyway, even to go so far as to act like he knows what he’s doing. it doesn’t escape your notice. you know that dazai osamu is many things; a suicidal maniac, a feared enemy, a questionable lover (to others but never to you). but one sure thing is, to you, he’s a perfect escape.

he’s perfect.

tags. @yokelish @gogolparadise @fyowyn-writes @smoochi-dazai @animatedarchives please ask me to be added/removed! <3

[spine-buster]

t h e  c o l o u r  o f  a  c o n s t e l l a t i o n  | elias pettersson

Summary: Life comes at you in moments.  Elias and Svea are on solid ground now.  Back in Vancouver after an idyllic time in Sweden, they are faced with personal decisions that will affect their future together – both on separate and different paths professionally, though personally their connection is stronger than ever.  Many things are up in the air, but one thing that Svea and Elias know for sure is that they will always be together.  So how hard could those decisions be?

Word Count: 15k

A/N:  This is the final part of “The Space Series” although there will be an epilogue (because this bitch loves an epilogue).  It’s a bit more piece-y than I wanted it to be, but at the end of the day I’m still proud of it and I hope you enjoy!  We need more Petey love around here!

PART ONE - MADE OF OUTER SPACE  //  PART TWO - LIPS LIKE THE GALAXY’S EDGE

Svea got the text message from Grace while she was in class.  I’m here to pick you up.  Don’t ask questions.  And don’t check your notifications.

Svea did as she was told, but that didn’t mean that her heart wasn’t beating out of her chest as she left her seminar room and saw Grace’s Porsche at the bottom of the steps of the building.  When she approached, Grace reached over and opened the car door.  “What’s going on?” she asked, sliding into the passenger’s seat and clutching her messenger bag against her chest.

“The stupid media picked up your stupid boyfriend saying he has a girlfriend on a stupid camera, and now it’s everywhere,” Grace explained in an annoyed voice, signalling to rejoin the road.  She was very clearly annoyed, judging by how fast she rejoined the other cars and by the rev of her engine.  “You know, for such a quiet guy he’s got a big mouth.”

“And how do they know it’s me?”  Svea knew how stupid that question sounded the millisecond after it left her mouth.  She and Grace gave each other the exact same knowing look, one that said absolutely everything that needed to be said between the two of them.  It began happening as they grew closer, and now, it happened almost all the time.  “Never mind.  Why can’t I check my notifications?”

“Because God knows what’s going on in your DMs right now,” Grace warned.  “Anyways, what do you want to do?  Go shopping?  Go for a manicure?  How about we go for a manicure so you can’t check your phone.”

Svea couldn’t help but laugh.  She knew Grace was protective – had been since that night she came over to Elias’s place with Pippa and Svea was making sausage stroganoff – but this was taking it to a whole other level.  “Do you think it would be that bad?”

“If it’s anything like what I got from Brock’s fan club, then yeah, it’s pretty awful,” Grace said.  “And I’m serious – manicures?  You’re going to have to start getting them regularly if you want to be a hot shot lawyer,” she winked.  “Or, I don’t know, the speechwriter for Chrystia Freeland or Justin Trudeau.  Whatever you choose.”

***

When Svea walked into hers and Elias’s apartment later that day, after she’d been pampered with some Starbucks, a manicure, and a pedicure, and even a cheeky mimosa by Grace, she found Elias lying down on the couch scrolling through his phone.  She put down her bag in its usual spot before walking over to him and lying on top of him without warning.  After an entire day without him, she wanted to get close to him, to feel every inch of him.  

Elias smiled as she nestled into him, ditching his phone and paying complete attention to her.  He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her towards him.  When he kissed her, she sighed into the kiss, knowing that she was home and in her favourite place: the place where she felt the warmest, the most protected, the happiest she ever could feel – in his arms, of course.  And as they continued kissing on the couch, not bothering to stop for air – because really, who needed air when you were kissing the love of your life? – Elias shifted their bodies so Svea was on her back, and he was on his side perching himself up with one arm while the other snuck under her button-up shirt.  With his hand gliding against her bare skin and his tongue down her throat, Svea moaned slightly.  Elias took the opportunity to start unbuttoning her shirt to expose her bra.

“Elias…” she breathed out.

“Shhh…” he kissed along her jawline and down her neck.  His hand groped her breast.  He pushed the fabric of the cup down and began kissing along the curve of her breast until he reached her nipple, sucking on it gently.  Her back arched up to him.  “I missed you,” he finally hummed.  

“I was gone for eight hours,” she huffed out as she felt his tongue slip along her skin.  Her breath hitched in her throat as she felt him move towards her other breast.  She was gone at least a few hours some days because of classes, so it wasn’t like her absence was out of the ordinary.

“Too long.”  He sucked on her other breast.  When he heard her moan again, he kissed a trail back up to her lips.  Eventually, he grabbed at her wrist – the one wearing the bracelet he got her in Stockholm – and placed a kiss on the inside of it tenderly.  She was trembling by the loss of his lips on her skin, but she smiled at the gesture.  “Hello pretty girl,” he cooed playfully.  

“You’re the worst,” she huffed again, annoyed this time.  

“How was your day?”

She couldn’t believe she was sprawled out on their couch with her shirt unbuttoned and her bra pushed down with her breasts exposed and Elias was asking her how her day was.  He was playing a game and she knew it.  “Besides the fact that I still don’t know what I’m doing with my life?  Fine,” she said.  “How was your day?  I heard microphones are really strong these days.”

Elias closed his eyes and groaned.  He buried his head in her chest and shook his head.  “I’m sorry.  I’m an idiot sometimes.  Brock told me that for such a quiet guy I have a big mouth.”

Svea snorted at the reference.  For all that Grace and Brock liked to say Svea and Elias were the same person, she and Brock were astoundingly similar as well.  “Grace said that too.”

“Well, you know how they are,” he said, resting his chin against her chest, in the space between her breasts.  

Svea ran her fingers through his hair.  “It’s fine, Elias.”

“Is it though?” he asked, worried.  “I don’t want anybody to bother you.  Not now, not ever.  But especially this year when you have so much to figure out.”

“They’ll just be noise.  They’re not a part of my life,” she assured him.  “Not like you.”

Elias sighed, moving up and nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck.  He inhaled sharply, smelling her scent that he loved so much.  She smelled like everything he loved about her – flowers; vanilla; lavender; the saltwater waves of the Baltic Sea crashing again the Swedish shore; the crisp Swedish air during an early morning, though now it was later in the day and they were in downtown Vancouver.  She was magic to him, made of the moon and stars, and he wanted to keep her safe and happy as much as possible now that it was out in the open, however unwillingly, due to his big mouth.  “I love you,” he mumbled.

“I love you too,” she said easily.  Easily because she knew – it was the only thing she was certain about in life these days.  “Can you do me a favour?”

“What’s that?”

“Can you keep using your tongue, Elias?” she asked boldly, a small smirk playing on her face.  She was getting more confident with all of this – not just their new situation, but the activities that accompanied their new situation.  She felt safe and listened to and respected and catered to whenever she was in bed with Elias, always satisfied.  Elias, for his part, was also getting more confident with everything.  

“Oh?” he arched his brow at her words.  “Keep using my tongue, eh?”

“Eh?  Canada’s really getting to you.”

“Mmm,” he mumbled, kissing her chest.  “Let’s git er done,” he put on an accent.

Svea burst out laughing, shaking her head and pushing him away like she was disgusted with him as he tried to continue to kiss her.  She began wiggling to get out of his grip.  “Nooooo no no no no, not after you said that with that accent!”  She knew his teammates were responsible for that bit of lingo coupled with the accent, and while it was hilarious, she wasn’t exactly happy with it.  She knew Elias would use it constantly now.  

“Come ooonnn!” he begged, laughing and grabbing at her body so she wouldn’t wiggle away.

“We lost the moment the second you put on that accent!”

>< >< >< >< ><

Svea loved the UBC campus.  It was so beautiful, with enough old buildings to make it feel regal but enough new buildings to make it feel modern.  And the trees – God, the trees – the campus was full of lush trees, so many and so close to the water.  When she was stressed, she could always take a walk down the coast and admire the Pacific Ocean, the mountains in the distance, and the crisp British Columbia air.  After being at UBC for going on four years now, she understood why her mother loved it here so much; why it was so hard for her to give up when she moved to Sweden to be with Svea’s dad; why she constantly talked about it growing up, like it was some magical place not fit for the real world.  Svea understood now.  She thought the same things.  She didn’t think she’d ever be lucky enough to experience the things that her mother did growing up in Vancouver, but she did; she got that experience now, in university, with her own love of her life.

Despite all the stress in her life and the looming decisions she had to make, she at least had that: Elias, the love of her life.

As she grabbed her coffee from the barista and made her way to the seminar room, where she’d spend two hours learning about global uprisings, she thought about the decision she’d have to make this year.  On the one hand, she could go to law school – another three years of school, articling, and then pass the bar (all hopefully in British Columbia), and then she could join a firm or open her own.  She was already prepped and signed up to write the LSAT.  On the other hand, she could apply to the Masters of Public Policy and Global Governance program – another year and a half of school, gain her Masters, and then hopefully work in politics, but in the background, like a chief of staff or a senior advisor or even a speechwriter.  She had all the prerequisites and knew she could get in.  

But which one did she want to do?

Svea settled into her seat beside her friend Devansh, greeting him with pleasant conversation while taking out her laptop, notebook, and textbook, flipping it open to the chapter that she knew the professor would be lecturing about.  Her big decision seemed to be the only thing she thought about these days besides Elias.  But the more she thought about it, the more stressed she got.  And the more stressed she got, the more—

“So, like, you’re dating Elias Pettersson?” her friend Francesca asked as she plopped down into the seat beside her dramatically.  Instead of grabbing her notebook and laptop out of her bag like she usually did, she was intently focused on Svea who was sipping on her coffee innocently.  

“Wait – Elias Pettersson, like from the Vancouver Canucks?” Devansh perked up once he heard the name being tossed around.  “That can’t be…that’s not…no.”

“Wow, Dev,” Svea deadpanned.

“Wait – you are?” his eyebrows raised.

“H-How did you know?” Svea focused back on Francesca, still perky, still not taking out her laptop, still not taking out her notebooks.  

“So apparently Petey said something on camera?  And this journalist from the Vancouver Sun, like, scoured his Instagram and his tagged photos and found your profile kept popping up tagged in pictures with him, so the two and two were put together, and there’s an article about it on their website today!  It came up as a notification on my phone!” Francesca held up her phone as if it was still there.  It wasn’t – it was full of Snapchat notifications, but the point still stood.  “I mean, they’re right, aren’t they?  Svea Nilsson…you are dating Elias Pettersson?”

Svea was mortified.  Elias had the common sense to just say he had a girlfriend out loud, not broadcast her name for the microphones to pick up too, but they’d found her profile anyway – by stalking his, essentially.  She thought things would die down, especially because her profile had always been private, and though she did get some intense DMs like Grace knew she would, there wasn’t a bombardment and she’d just deleted them all without looking at them.  Now that her name was published in a newspaper, she had an entirely new problem on her hands.

She noticed Dev and Francesca were still waiting for an answer.  “I…yeah, I’m dating him,” she said meekly, not wanting to say too much.

“How did you even meet him?” Francesca asked.  “I mean, no offence, but you don’t exactly come out with us a lot.”

“He’s my childhood best friend,” she said, immediately putting an end to the notion that she’d met him at some bar.  “I…I grew up with him.  We’ve been best friends since we were three and he essentially followed me to Vancouver because I came here first.  He’s the person I live with and—”

“Wait – you live with him?!” Dev was shocked at her revelation.  Svea was always pretty secretive of why she never moved into a place near campus after first year, and always eluded questions as to how she was able to afford a pricey apartment in Yaletown.  Now he knew.  “You live with him and that’s why you live in Yaletown?”

“Yeah.  We…” she stopped herself, not wanting to reveal too much.  “It’s…I’m dating him, okay?”

“Svea, this is huge,” Francesca’s tone was a mix of serious and excited.  

Francesca said it as if Svea didn’t know how much of a big deal it was that she was dating the biggest star on the Vancouver Canucks.  Svea knew how much of a big deal it was.  Clearly.  If people from newspapers were stalking Elias’s profile to see who she was, it was a big deal.  It was just that, Elias, as a person, wasn’t a big deal to her.  He was her best friend.  He wasn’t the star first line centre.  “Yeah, I know.”

“Massive,” Dev commented too.  “Well I’m happy for you if you’re happy, Svea.”

“Secure that bag, girl,” Francesca quipped.

Before Svea’s jaw dropped, and before her brain could function to say anything to Francesca, their professor walked into the room and greeted the class loudly, thus ending their conversation.  He almost immediately started lecturing.  

Svea began typing, and Francesca was scrambling to get everything out of her bag.

>< >< >< >< ><

“It’s ready, pretty girl,” Elias called from the kitchen as he finished stirring the pasta in its sauce.  He looked over at Svea sitting at the dining room table, head in a giant textbook that looked menacing to him.  She looked so concentrated and focused on what she was reading, but when she heard his voice, she looked up momentarily.  She let out a loud sigh.  

Elias remembered back to the summer, back in Sweden, when they went to Emma Gardner’s dinner party and he was intimidated by Soren’s supposed ‘smarts’ and how emotional he got by it all the next morning.  When they came back to Vancouver and Svea began her last year of university, he wanted to change things.  As much as they resolved the issue right then and there, he knew he needed to do more – and he was willing to do more.  He was making a big effort to be in the know – not exactly to understand everything she was studying, but to at least know what it was.  Now that he was with Svea, he wasn’t the most important person in his life anymore – it was her.  He needed her to know that.  He made sure to show it to her every day, through his actions, his words, and his priorities when he was away from hockey.  

When he brought the plates over, he wouldn’t set hers down in front of her until she kissed him.  The textbook was cleared by then, off to the side where she didn’t have to look at it while she ate with him.  When they came back to Vancouver and she began her last year of university, she wanted to change things.  She made a promise to herself that she wouldn’t be distracted by school work during meals, especially meals with Elias.  She could tell Elias was making a huge effort to know more about her studies, and she wanted to reciprocate.  There was no way she wouldn’t put in the same effort he was into the relationship.  Now that she was with Elias, she wasn’t the most important person in her life anymore – it was him.  She needed him to know that.  She made sure to show it to him every day, through her actions, her words, and her priorities when she wasn’t engaging with school.  

“Everything okay?” he asked as he settled into his seat across from her after their kiss.

She nodded her head.  “Just reading about the Cuban Revolution.”

“Is it interesting?” he asked.

“Interesting enough,” she shrugged.  She began digging into her pasta in vodka sauce.  Now that Elias had finally mastered the art of cooking some pasta, and didn’t over or undercook it every time, she could enjoy him making dinner at least once or twice a week now.  Though the first time he cooked ravioli was an absolute fucking shit show (there was spinach and ricotta floating everywhere in the pot because he left them in too long and they all burst open), he’d gotten the hang of penne, spaghetti, and fettucine.  “How was the gym with Brock?”

“Same old,” he answered, eating his pasta.  “Grace told him how much you were screaming at the game the other night.”

Svea snorted.  She’s almost embarrassed herself by how much she was screaming and swearing.  She didn’t know what came over her.  “It was pretty bad.  I’m surprised she left with me, to be honest.  She wasn’t even that loud, and you know how she gets.”

“I can’t believe it took Vancouver to get you to scream at my games,” Elias quipped.

Svea laughed, but the comment panged her a little bit.  Growing up in Sweden, she was always at his games, but her head was, as Brigitte so lovingly put it, ‘always in a book instead of in his lap’.  It wasn’t that she didn’t care – because she did, she knew how much hockey meant to Elias – it was just that she had different interests.  But she was always there; she always supported him.  Suddenly, she wondered if that was enough.  “Did…did that make you mad?” she asked softly.

“Did what make me mad?”

“Me being quiet at your games growing up.  Me having a book in the stands and reading in between periods,” she said.  He knew because the girls told him as a means of gossip.  “Like, did you hate it?”

“Of course not,” he furrowed his brows.  “Why would I hate that?”

“I don’t know…”

“Svea, I hate nothing about you,” Elias said.  “Not even the fact that you’ve started to talk in your sleep sometimes.”

“I do not.”

“Yes you do.”

“Then what do I say?”

“Oooooh, Elias, right there.”

She kicked him underneath the table, but he was ready for it, grabbing her foot with his free hand.  “You’re an ass,” she sneered.

“So you don’t have wet dreams about me?”

“You wish,” she stuck her tongue out like a child, causing him to smile and laugh.  

“For what it’s worth,” he began, trailing his hand up her leg, “I didn’t care about any of that.  You reading at games or whatever.  You’re your own person, Svea.  I don’t care what anybody said.  The fact that you were there was enough for me – like, the fact that I could see you in the stands with my family or whatever.  When you made it back to Vaxjo after flying in from Vancouver, and you watched me score that game winning goal and then surprised me on the ice – Svea, that was, like, one of the greatest moments of my life.  And it wasn’t because I’d just won the championship.  It was because you were there for it.”

Svea smiled.  Elias knew to say all the right things, but what was better than just saying them was knowing that he meant them, fully and completely.  “I love you, Elias.”

“I love you too, Svea.  More than anything,”

There was a comfortable silence between them as they ate dinner, Svea’s foot still propped up in Elias’s lap after she’d tried to kick him.  “Are you going to be able to come to the game on Saturday?” he asked once they were almost finished.

She nodded.  “I’ll finish this reading tonight easily and I’ll be back yelling in no time.”

“Good,” he smiled.  “I like it when you’re loud.”

She kicked him again.

***

“Brock reminded me that Grace is setting the date soon for the next Parkinson’s gala,” Elias said later that night, after dinner and after clean up and Svea finished her reading and after they cuddled on the couch and after they watched a few episodes of Jeopardy at Svea’s request like an old married couple.  They’d gotten themselves ready for bed and Svea watched as Elias fluffed up their pillows while she pulled the covers back.  

“That’ll be fun,” Svea said.  “Every time we’ve gone it’s been a blast.  I can’t wait.”

“And we have Dice and Ice again this year too.  I wonder if they’ll make me play Family Feud again,” he mused as they both got into bed.

Svea giggled.  “Maybe this time you can announce to six hundred people that you finally have a girlfriend – oh wait, you already did that a few weeks ag—HEY!”

Elias pulled her into his body in one quick tug and wrapped his arms around her, peppering her face with kisses as she began to laugh at the sensation.  He flipped her around so she was beneath him.  “Yeah yeah, I’ve got a big mouth, I know,” he mumbled against the skin of her neck as he bit down on it gently.

“Mmm,” Svea hummed, enjoying the feeling like she always did.  “How about you remind me what else you can do with that mouth.”

A low chuckle erupted from deep within Elias.  “With pleasure,” he smiled devilishly.  Almost immediately, he shoved her old t-shirt (technically, his old t-shirt) up and over her head and moved down her body.  He hooked his fingers into the hem of her shorts and pulled them off too, watching as he saw a smirk appear on her face.  “What’s got you smiling, pretty girl?”

“You,” she purred.  “I’ll always regret waiting so long to be with you.  We could have had so much more time together.”

Elias brought himself back up, placing a tender kiss on her lips.  “Don’t regret that.  We have the rest of our lives together, pretty girl.  We always did.”

Svea smiled, pulling him down by the neck to kiss him again.  The universe knew that them being together was always endgame; it just took them longer to realize.  She liked Elias’s optimism – not focusing on what was in the past, but instead focusing on the future.  “Elias…” she mumbled in between kisses.

“Hmm?”

“Show me I’m yours,” she whispered.  She knew it would set him off completely, just like it did the first time, just like it did subsequent times since.  “Show me I’m yours, Elias.”

He audibly groaned, slipping his way back down her body before forcing her legs apart and lowering his face between them, lapping and sucking so expertly that Svea was squirming within no time.  Her pants and callouts of his name only fueled him as time went on, and when she ran her fingers through his blonde hair and tugged on it, he let out his own groan.

“Fuuuuuck,” she breathed out, tugging on his hair even more.  “You’re so…your tongue is so good Elias.”  He moaned at the sound of her voice, the vibrations causing her to squirm even more.  He brought his arm around her thigh and held her hips down.  It made her huff out in slight frustration.  “Elias.”

His only response was to push down harder.  Her response was to pull his hair as tight as she could and squeeze his head between her thighs.  All the while, he kept up his movements, looking up at her with his striking, beady blue eyes.  “You taste so sweet, pretty girl,” he mumbled against her wet lips.  “So sweet for me.”

“Elias—”

“Are you gonna cum on my face, pretty girl?”

Svea nodded her head fervently.  “I’m so close.”

“Mmmmm,” he hummed, the vibrations yet again making her squirm.  “Cum for me, Svea.”

Svea arched her back, and after a few short moments, she was screaming out his name, squeezing his head in between her thighs even tighter than before.  Elias kept lapping until she calmed down, sucking up the last of her juices before looking up at her again.  “I could taste you all day, pretty girl,” he mumbled against her lips, the last thing he did before moving up her body and placing open-mouthed kisses and dragging his lips along her stomach and up to her breasts.

“I need you inside of me right now,” she said, her breath hot and frantic as she moved to wrap her legs around him.  

“So impatient,” Elias mused.

“Fuck me, Elias.  I can’t wait anymore.”

He didn’t need to be told twice.  When she felt him enter her, quickly and in one swift movement, she dug her nails into the skin on his shoulder blades and almost immediately rocked her hips against his, trying to get him even deeper.  “Svea…” he groaned out, feeling how deep he was inside of her.  “Svea…fuck, you’re desperate, aren’t you?”

She nodded.  She couldn’t help it.  She was desperate.  She was always desperate for him.  Desperate for his voice, his touch, the sound of him, his smile, his laugh, how he filled her up, how he felt above her and beneath her – everything about him.  “You like it when I’m loud, right?” she asked.

Elias’s eyes bulged for a moment.  “Y—Yes.”

“You want me to be loud?”

His pupils dilated.  “Yes.”

“Let me ride you.”

Svea wrapped her arms around Elias so he would stay inside her before he turned onto his back.  She quickly got comfortable, adjusting slightly, and Elias brought his hands up and their hands intertwined, letting her lean against his elbows so she had something to brace against.  When she began to rock back and forth slowly, he let out a groan.  “You feel incredible, baby,” Svea said as she quickened her pace slightly.  

“You do, too,” Elias said quickly.  She began to moan loudly, like she knew he wanted and liked, and she could see his eyes practically roll to the back of his head.  Elias liked knowing that it was him who made her feel this way.  As she continued her noises, he didn’t know where to focus – her hips, her breasts, her eyes, how his cock had disappeared inside her – but he knew that everything felt good.  He was left speechless by everything.

She led his hands to cup her breasts, but he had other ideas.  Instead, he used his arms to push himself up so he could kiss them instead, his hands on her back.  He remembered back to their little rendezvous at the lake during Midsommar, what she’d done and the quiet confidence in which she’d done it.  He had obviously never done anything like that before.  “When we get married these are going to be all mine,” he mumbled against her breasts, licking at the space on her chest where he remembered his cum covering her.

“They already are,” Svea mumbled, lost in the feeling.  She brought her hands up to run through his hair so she could tug on it and so he could look her in the eye.  When he was, she said what she wanted to say – what she knew he wanted to hear.  “I’m all yours.”

Elias smiled.  “I’m yours and you’re mine.”

“I’m yours and you’re mine,” Svea repeated.

They kissed, wet and sloppy, and Svea could feel herself getting close again.  She dug her nails into the skin at the nape of Elias’s neck.  When he felt her walls tighten around him, and heard her cries of pleasure at the feeling, he came completely undone as well.  They clung on to each other, riding out their highs for a long as they could until they finally settled down, their breathing laboured and shaky, their chests heaving less and less as the time went by.  Neither let go of each other.  There was no need to.

Elias slipped out of her slowly, and Svea whimpered at the loss of feeling him fill her.  He wrapped his arms around her as he fell back slowly, laying them on the bed.  They stayed close, wrapped in each other, giving each other quick, soft kisses.  “I love you,” Elias mumbled, his voice tired.  

Svea smiled slightly.  “I love you too.”

>< >< >< >< ><

An advertising executive must schedule the advertising during a particular television show. Seven different consecutive time slots are available for advertisements during a commercial break, and are numbered one through seven in the order that they will be aired. Seven different advertisements – B, C, D, F, H, J, and K – must be aired during the show. Only one advertisement can occupy each time slot. The assignment of the advertisements to the slots is subject to the following restrictions:      • B and D must occupy consecutive time slots.      • B must be aired during an earlier time slot than K.      • D must be aired during a later time slot than H.      • If H does not occupy the fourth time slot, then F must occupy the fourth time slot.      • K and J cannot occupy consecutively numbered time slots.

Svea read over the logic puzzle three times, breathing harder every time.  She wrote the requisite lines and letters.  She moved on to the first questions.

1. Which of the following could be a possible list of the advertisements in the order that they are aired? a.  BDFHJCK b.  CJBHDKF c.  HBDFJCK d.  HDBFKJC e.  HJDBFKC

Svea tried not to panic as she tried to work out the first question based on the parameters presented to her.  When she took at her answer, then at the options, none of them matched.  She tried again.  No match again.  She tried not to panic irrationally, but when she tried a third time, she still couldn’t get the right answer.  She felt her cheeks heat up and her eyes start to well.  No.  No.  There’s no crying in doing logic puzzles.  She moved on to the next question, seeing if she could at least solve that one, but she couldn’t.  Okay, back to question one.  She tried a combination one more time and finally, finally found a match, so she circled the option.  

She checked her time.  Six minutes had passed, and she had five more questions to answer based on this logic puzzle alone.  On the LSAT, they got about eight minutes per entire puzzle and four puzzles, for a total of around 35 minutes for this section.  So she was severely behind.  Like, severely.  She looked at the note in the margins of her book.

This is generally considered one of the easier questions.

Svea whimpered.  Audibly.  She felt a few tears falling down her cheeks as she tried to move on to the second question, realizing it was now predicated upon the answer from the first.  Seven minutes.  And based on the wording of the question, her answer for the first one was wrong.  It wasn’t even possible.

She let out a sob.  

Eight minutes.  She’d officially already failed this section of the LSAT.  

As she tried to wipe her tears away with the backs of her hands, she heard the lightest knock on the door.  As she looked over, she saw Elias’s head peek through the doorway, a bowl in his hands.  “I brought you some raspberries,” he said softly, closing the door behind him.  “How’s it going?”

Svea shook her head and started to cry again.  “Elias…”

“Heeeyyyyy hey hey,” Elias cooed, rushing over to her and putting the bowl on the desk.  He pushed out her chair, moving it so she was facing him, and knelt down in front of her.  “What’s wrong?  What’s going on?”

“Elias, will you still love me if I fail?”

“Svea—”

“Be honest,” she interrupted.  “Will you still love me if I fail the LSAT and don’t get into law school and don’t get into grad school and just become a bum?  Will you?”

“Svea, don’t say stuff like that,” he said, running his hands up and down her thighs trying to sooth her.  

Svea shook her head fervently.  “I’m dumb.  I’m so dumb,” she whimpered out.

“You know you’re not dumb, Svea—”

“But I am!” she exclaimed.  “I couldn’t even do this logic puzzle in time.  I had eight minutes and I couldn’t do it.  And it’s one of the easier ones!  Imagine me sitting in that room trying to write the LSAT and I can’t even get past the logic puzzles!”

“Shhhhh,” he cooed, bringing his hands up to cup her face.  He began wiping her tears away with the pads of his thumbs, still kneeling in front of her.  “Svea, you know that I love you more than anything.  I’ll love you no matter what.”

“Even if I fail?”

“You won’t fail.  But even if you fail, yes, I will still love you,” he nodded, knowing it was what she needed to hear right now.  She wouldn’t have dropped it if he didn’t say those words.  

“And here you are, bringing me raspberries like a good boyfriend and I can’t even get a log—”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Elias warned.  “Svea, it’s fine.  You’re probably just very tired.  You had a day full of classes, then homework, now this.  I bet when you have a fresh and well-rested brain tomorrow, it will be much easier for you.”

Svea whimpered again, wrapping her arms around Elias and squeezing him against her chest.  He was such a good boyfriend, always bringing her snacks or water or tea without her even having to ask, and she was just being a blubbering mess.  She’d missed some of his games lately due to her studying and she felt horrible about it, and it all led to this: he was the one still comforting her about the long-term goal of why she was even studying in the first place.  

“And Svea?”

“Hmmm?”

“You know I’ll always love you.  You know that you’re going to be successful.  This is just a little bump, that’s all.”

She took a moment to consider his words.  She knew he was right, but it took her a while to digest.  She hated that it did – that it took her so long – but her mind was off right now, overtired and overworked from a full day.  “Maybe I should go to bed,” she mumbled as her head rested in the crook of Elias’s neck.

Elias didn’t even have to say anything.  All he did was move to pick her up, her arms wrapping around his shoulders and her legs wrapping around his torso, and he carried her across the apartment to his bedroom, now their bedroom, with her face still tucked.  He could feel her tears on his skin, and when he lay her down gently on the bed, he made sure to wipe the rest of them away before he began undressing her, helping tug her shirt off and pulling off her jeans, leaving her in just her underwear.  He did the same quickly, stripping down to his boxers before climbing into bed and pulling the covers over them.  

They gravitated towards each other in bed like they always did, Elias wrapping an arm around her and Svea tangling their legs together.  He began running his fingers gently through her hair and could hear her sigh, like she was letting out all her frustrations, all her nerves, and all her stress.  “I love you, pretty girl,” he said softly as he continued his motions, knowing that it would soothe her, calm her down, just like it did for him when she did so.  It was one of the best feelings in the world, when he thought about it.  

“I love you too, even when I’m in my own head too much,” she responded, her voice soft and almost a whisper, but there was enough there.  “I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

>< >< >< >< ><

Back in her global uprisings course, Svea took a moment to stretch as the professor gave them a five minute bathroom and coffee break.  She debated on whether or not to go down to the main floor and get a coffee and croissant, or just stick it out until lunch time.  She made sure to save her notes before she closed her laptop.  

She’d finally gotten the hang of the logic puzzles and was doing them like crazy now.  She’d seen advertisements on the bulletin board on the main floor for LSAT prep classes, and she wondered if she should take another round of them, even though she’d taken them last year as well.  But then she had the fact that she needed to finish her application for her Master’s.  There were a few more things to do on the supplemental application and some other things she needed to perfect before submitting it.  She’d need someone to look it over.  She needed to make sure the professors she’d asked to be references actually wrote their letters.  She needed to—

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Francesca asked suddenly, snapping Svea from her thoughts.  

“I’m thinking about the LSAT,” Svea decided to be honest with her.  “The LSAT and my application to grad school.”

“The LSAT?  Grad school?” Francesca asked like it was the most absurd thing that Svea was continuing her education and applying to these programs.  “What’s the point, Svea?”

Svea furrowed her brows.  “What do you mean what’s the point?  I want to work in law and politics.  You know that.”

“I mean, what’s the point when you’re with Elias now?”

Svea’s body stiffened at Francesca’s words.  “What do you mean?  I have to make a living, Francesca.”

“Do you?  Do you really?  Isn’t Elias gonna be signing, like, a huge contract at the end of this year?  Do you honestly think you’re going to need to work to support yourself for the rest of your life when he’s going to be making, like, ten million dollars a year?  Minus endorsements?  I mean doesn’t he already support you?”

Svea was taken aback by Francesca’s line of questioning, and, to be honest, deeply hurt by it as well.  Did Svea give off the airs and graces that she was fine with being a kept woman?  Had she ever made it seem like she didn’t want to do anything with her life?  That she didn’t care?  She didn’t think she did ever.  But for some reason, Francesca was bringing it up.  “Francesca, I can’t let my boyfriend support me for the rest of my life.”

“You can’t?  Because I can,” she quipped.  She said it in a joking manner but Svea knew she was completely serious.  The next line of questioning confirmed it for her.  “I mean, does Elias have any teammates?  Brock Boeser maybe?  Or is he still with that Gillespie girl?  The billionaire?”

Svea furrowed her brows.  She didn’t like the direction this conversation was going, and she didn’t want Francesca anywhere near Brock or Grace.  “They’re still together.  He’s madly in love with her,” she mumbled before turning away from her and back to her laptop.

“Damn.  Should’ve told me you were dating Elias earlier so I could’ve jumped at the chance.”

“Hmm,” Svea hummed, just to acknowledge what she said.  She began typing something so Francesca would leave her alone.

When class was finished, Svea took out her phone and immediately texted Elias.

I’m going to be the most horrible housewife on the planet

Svea wtf are you talking about

Francesca said today I didn’t have to apply to law school or grad school because now I have you to take care of me It was the stupidest thing I think I’ve ever heard

Not even thirty seconds later, her phone began to ring.  When she picked it up, Elias didn’t even greet with any formalities.  “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, too,” he said.  “I mean, who says something like that?”

“Someone who wishes she was kept, I guess.  I mean, she asked about Brock afterwards and I had to break her heart and tell her that he’s still madly in love with Grace.”

“What do you mean kept?”

“It’s a saying.  It’s like a girl who has a nice and lavish lifestyle because of a rich man,” she explained.

Elias was silent on the other end trying to understand what Svea was explaining to him.  “Did she just call you a prostitute?  Or one of those sugarbaby things or whatever?”

Svea snorted.  “In her own way, probably.  I mean, when you think about it…” Svea tried to joke, seeing the humour in the situation, finally.  Elias did pay for most things and Svea did enjoy a nice, comfortable life because of it – an apartment in Yaletown, access to a luxury car, an $8000 gold bracelet screwed onto her wrist…

But that didn’t mean she was kept.  They were equal partners in their relationship.  There was no power dynamic.  Elias didn’t do those things and provide her with what he did because he wanted to control her, or because he wanted to have sex with her, or because he wanted to keep her at home all the time doing nothing besides looking pretty and being ready in bed for him.  He did it because he genuinely loved her, because she was his best friend, his soulmate, his sun and his moon and his stars, and because he could, because what the hell else was he going to do with all this money?  Spend it on himself?  He already did that and there was a ton left over.  Who better to spend it on than Svea?  

“What is it with everyone trying to get into our business?  We’re happy this way.  It works for us.  What the fuck does it matter?” Elias asked.  “And why is everybody so obsessed with money?”

“It makes the world turn, Elias.”

She heard him huff on the other end.  “Just…don’t worry about what she says.  It doesn’t matter.  You’re going to law school or grad school or you’re doing what you want to do and that’s that.”

“Why did I have to love debating in high school?  Why did I have to like law and politics?  Why couldn’t I have loved to bake and like…I don’t know, opened up some hipster coffee shop here or in Stockholm and just made coffee and cake and cookies all day?”

“Because then you wouldn’t have been Svea,” Elias said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  “You would have been someone else.  And I don’t know who that someone else is, but it’s not you.”

And he was right.  He was so fucking right that Svea was taken aback by the simplicity of his words but just how deep they were; how they hit the nail right on the head and how they were just so…right.  She wouldn’t be the same person if she never debated, if she was never a precarious kid checking out books at the library.  She wouldn’t be the same person if she had baked cakes and cookies and opened some hipster coffee shop with vegan treats made exclusively from organic ingredients.  She wouldn’t be the same Svea.  She wouldn’t be the Svea Elias loved.  She wouldn’t be the Svea her friends loved.  She wouldn’t be the Svea her family loved, that Elias’s family loved.  She almost teared up for how right he was.  “Thank you, Elias,” she said softly, not knowing what else to say.

“For what?”

“For loving me the way I am.”

She could practically hear him smile bashfully on the other end.  “I love you for the way you’ve always been, too.  And the way you’ll be.”

She knew he would.  That was the best part.

>< >< >< >< ><

Svea clicked send.  

Your application to the University of British Columbia’s Master of Public Policy and Global Affairs has been received.  You will receive a confirmation email with your application number shortly.  

She took a deep breath.  Now she waited.

***

Svea clicked send.

Your application to the Peter A. Allard School of Law at the University of British Columbia has been received.  You will receive an email shortly confirming your application.

She took a deep breath.   Now she waited.

>< >< >< >< ><

“It would be chic to wear black, right?” Svea asked Grace as they scoured through the racks of dresses at Holt Renfrew, the iconic upscale Canadian department store, looking for something to wear to the upcoming Dice & Ice fundraiser the Canucks held annually.  Grace loved to shop, and she was good at it, so Svea was confident they’d find something to wear.

“Well, it’s always chic to wear black,” Grace said as she pulled out a beige coloured, skin-tight dress.  She took a good, long look at it before deciding it wasn’t the one and pushing it back in.  “But you need to spruce it up a bit.”

“Spruce it up?”

“You’ve got a great body and you need to show it off.  You’ve been wearing your knit sweaters for so long that I’ve forgotten what your boobs look like, Svea.”

She snorted.  Leave it to Grace, the professional dancer with the near perfect body, to mention her boobs.  “Grace, I barely have boobs.”

“Doesn’t matter.  You can still show off your figure.  It’s to die for.  And I’m sure Petey would love it.”

Well, that was true.  Svea kept that in her mind as they continued to look through racks and racks of dresses, never quite finding the right one, though they pulled some to try on just in case.  Grace always had something to say about the dresses Svea pulled – “You’re going to look like my uncle’s fourth ex-wife if you wear that” or “That looks like something a retired art teacher would wear”.  Svea couldn’t help but laugh.  She was thankful to have Grace along for this ride since Grace had a sense of style and what would look good on her body; if she wasn’t here, Svea wouldn’t probably end up picking a dress that made her look like a 17th century peasant woman from Croatia ready to milk the cows.  As Grace would say.

They verged into the designer departments.  Grace picked out a dress from Dolce and Gabbana, and handed one from Gucci to Svea.  They checked in Yves Saint Laurent and Versace but there was nothing.  Chloe.  Louis Vuitton.  Celine.  Miu Miu.

“What about this one?” Svea asked, pulling out a gorgeous dress from the Miu Miu rack.

From down the line, Grace looked up.  “It’s black.”  Svea took it off the bar completely, holding it against her body, showing its crystal-studded top.  “Ooooooooh,” Grace’s jaw dropped at the detailing.  She immediately let go of the dress she’d pulled out and walked over to Svea.  “Now that’s a good one.”

“You think?”

“Mhm,” she nodded her head fervently.  “Let’s go try these all on now.  I need to see that dress on you.”

The first few dresses Svea tried on and modeled for Grace didn’t “work”, according to her.  There was something off about them – a hemline, a cut, the fact that it made Svea look like a nun – that sent them back on the hanger.  But when Svea put on the Miu Miu dress she pulled, even just seeing herself in the dressing room with it half on, she knew it would look good.  “Um…I think I’m going to need to take off my bra for this one,” she called out to Grace is the dressing room beside her.  

“Then take it off.”

“There’s gonna be a lot of side-boob.  I’m not sure that’s appropriate for a gala raising money for children…”

“Nothing a little double-sided boob tape can’t fix,” Grace retorted.  “Now get out here so I can see.”

Svea pulled back the curtain.  When she did, Grace’s jaw dropped.  Grace was standing in a beautiful dress of her own, but she didn’t even care – her full attention was on Svea now, and the dress she was wearing.  “Oh…my…God,” she gave Svea a complete up-down, a giant smile forming on her face afterwards.  “This is perfect.  This is it.”

“But what about this?” Svea moved to show Grace her side profile.

“Like I said, boob tape.  But we’ll bring it to a tailor as well.  We want this thing pinched in and showing off that body.”  Grace approached her, moving them so that they stood in front of a mirror together with Grace behind her.  Svea could feel her hands on the low backline of the dress.  Grace tugged on it.  “See?” she said, getting Svea to look in the mirror.  Even just the simple pinch covered up some of the side boob – enough that Svea felt more comfortable and more appropriate.  “Now imagine what my tailor can do.  This thing will fit you like a glove when he’s done with it.”

Svea nodded her head.  She did look good.  And she had a feeling Elias would like the open back and the fact it would be tight.  Elias liked her in anything but her dressing up did something to him.  He would treat her as a present he needed to unwrap.  “Is there any point in trying on anything else?” she smiled.

Grace smiled back.  “No way.”

***

“D’you ever think about marriage?” Grace asked suddenly as she and Svea ate lunch at Coast, raw oysters in between them arranged perfectly on a platter.  

Svea was taken aback by the question, which was posed out of the blue.  She thought anybody would be, all things considered.  “Uh…sometimes.  Why?”

“I just think of you and Elias a lot. And Brock and I, obviously, but more so you and Elias.  Because, like, we both know you guys are going to get married one day.  I mean, so will Brock and I…but…I don’t know.  Do you ever just think of what marriage will be like?”

Svea knew what Grace was trying to get at.  In her own roundabout way, she was expressing a deep-rooted fear.  Not of marriage in and of itself – the act of it, of getting a legal document and signing it and being attached to a person through marriage – but the dynamics of it instead.  How to make it work.  Communication.  Trust.  Traveling.  Schedules.  Children.  Her parents notoriously didn’t speak to each other after their horrible divorce and used her and their lawyers as pawns.  She got along well with her step-brothers and all was well and fine now, as an adult, but divorce traumatizes kids.  “I do.”

“What do you think your marriage with Elias will be like?”

“Comfortable,” Svea said without any thought.  She felt the need to clarify.  “I don’t mean that in a bad way.  I just mean that like…I think it will be easy.  Easier.  We’ve known each other our whole lives and our relationship is already strong.  I don’t think that signing a document and becoming husband and wife will drastically change anything in our relationship.”

“Because it’s bound to happen,” Grace said.

“Exactly,” Svea nodded her head.  “Like I know it will change, but not by much.  And Elias and I talk about what we want and what we want to do, and we sort of just, like…already know.  So it’s not going be this, like, seismic shift.  He’ll still be Elias.  He’ll just be my husband, Elias.”

Grace nodded her head.  She thought long and hard about what Svea was saying.  She envied Svea, somewhat, because she also had good role models in her parents to base a marriage off of.  Grace didn’t really have that luxury – though she had her mom and her step-dad now, but that was different.  Because after everything that happened in the divorce, Grace couldn’t look at marriage the same way.  “Do you ever look to your parents and what they went through?”

“Somewhat.  I mean my mom uprooted her whole life for my dad.  She moved to a foreign country and learned the language and brought up two daughters in a small town…I don’t think they would have lasted if she didn’t know my dad loved her unconditionally like Elias loves me now,” Svea explained.  “I mean they obviously weren’t perfect but they provide a great example.  Same with Elias’s parents.  I think they provided a good example for him.”

“When I think about my mom and dad, and what happened with them, it doesn’t make me scared about Brock and I, because I know we’re different,” Grace began.  “But what gets me scared is, like, the possibility.  Like there’s always a possibility we could end up like them.”

Svea shook her head.  “You can’t wage your happiness on a possibility, Grace,” she said sternly.  “If we go by that logic, of possibilities, that means there’s a possibility that Elias would cheat on me and break us up.”

“That would never happen.  Elias would never do that to you.”

“Exactly,” Svea said.  “You and Brock are nothing like your parents.  So let me ask you the same question.  What do you think your marriage with Brock will be like?”

Unlike Svea, who answered with one word in a heartbeat, Grace thought about it for a while.  It wasn’t because she wasn’t confident in their relationship – she was – and it wasn’t because she couldn’t see herself married to Brock – she could – but it was more so because what she had with Brock was indescribable.  It had all happened pretty quickly, but everything about it felt right, and felt like it was supposed to happen.  Marriage would feel the same way.  Having kids would feel the same way.  “Comfortable,” Grace repeated Svea’s word.  “Because he gives me a sense of comfort than no-one else has.  He makes me feel safe and happy all the time.  And because we want the same things.  We always have.”

Svea smiled.  “See?  Comfort isn’t a bad thing.  Not everything has to be a rollercoaster.”

Grace nodded.  She knew Svea was right.  She just wished she didn’t have such bad examples to base a marriage on.  Svea was wise and knew these things because she had good examples.  “Has Elias ever brought up marriage?”

Svea smirked slightly, grabbing her water to take a sip so she could avoid the question.  Grace wiggled in her seat excitedly, knowing the answer based on her response.  “In passing, mostly.  We were in bed once, too.”

“Oh God, did he propose once when you two were having sex?”

Svea snorted.  “No, thank God.  Nothing awkward like that.  It was more so, like…” she trailed off, wondering if she should even say anything.  She told Grace pretty much everything these days.  “When we get married, so and so…” she mimicked Elias’s voice.  

“Ah, I get it,” Grace nodded.  “I once gave Brock a blowjob so good he called me his wife afterwards.”

Svea burst out laughing, which caused Grace to laugh as well.  Both of the girls had to wipe away tears and take a drink of water before they could resume talking.  “Brock would totally do something like that,” Svea commented.  

“I know.  He’s so predictable,” Grace rolled her eyes playfully.  “Is it weird these things happen with our boyfriends during sex?  I swear they only share one brain cell.”

“They definitely do, but we love them for it.”

>< >< ><

“Do you want to marry me?”

If Svea was a dog, her ears would have perked up like someone was opening the treat bag.  She and Elias had finished dinner and had been cuddling on the couch when Svea thought they needed a snack and went to go microwave a bag of popcorn.  The question didn’t make her nervous because she knew the answer.  If anything, she wondered what exactly it would lead to.  “Of course I do.”

“Now or eventually?” he asked again.

“Eventually,” she answered.

“Why not now?”

Svea poured the popcorn into the bowl.  “Because I don’t know what I’m going with my life yet, and I think it’s important to establish that before I get married.”

“So if you establish it, we would be able to get married?” he asked, using her logic.

“Eliiiiaaaaas…” she elongated his name, taking the bowl and bringing it back to the couch.  He sounded like a four year old with all of his questions.  “What’s this about?”

“I’m just wondering when we can get married,” he said like it was so simple.  

“Why are you wondering that?”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“Elias, we’re only twenty-two,” Svea said.  She wanted to turn the tables.  “And besides, do you want to marry me?”

“Of course I do.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re my soulmate,” he said automatically.  “Because I love you more than anything.  And we waited long enough to get together, so why wait to get married?”

“Elias…” she whispered.  Instead of sitting down by his side like she had been, she straddled his lap.  It brought them much closer, of course, and Svea could look at him face-to-face.  She brought her hands up to cradle his face.  “Listen to me.  I love you.  I want to marry you.  There’s no doubt in my mind about that, okay?  None whatsoever.  But there are a lot of things happening this year between me and my future and you and your contract,” she said.  “I feel…I feel like once all of that is…I don’t know, settled, then we can start seriously think about getting married.  And I can’t do that when everything is up in the air with me.”

Elias moved into her touch, eventually nodding his head.  He looked so cute and his lips were so pouty, Svea felt like kissing him right then.  But she knew she couldn’t until they finished their very serious conversation.  “I just don’t want to wait.  I’ve already waited too long for you, you know?” he asked.

“I know.  But I’m not going anywhere.”

“You better not be,” he mumbled, leaning forward to rest his head against her chest.  She moved her hands so one was still cradling his face while she ran her fingers through his hair with the other.  “I hope you don’t think I’m pressuring you or anything.”

“You’re not.”

“I just really want to marry you.  I really want you to be my wife.  I know it’s probably stupid of me but I don’t care how young we are.  I would’ve married you at eighteen.”

Svea smiled.  “If we hadn’t denied our feelings for each other we probably would have been dumb and done it,” she laughed.  “But you’ve gotta get me a ring first.”

“Oh, that’s no problem.  I’ll make sure the ring is bigger than your eyeball.”

“And you still gotta kneel.  I want the whole kit and kaboodle.  I don’t care that I know it’s happening.  You still have to kneel and ask me.”

She felt Elias smile against her, giggling slightly.  “I plan on it.  I meant it when I said that time in Stockholm wasn’t the last time I would kneel in front of you.”

“Good,” Svea smiled.  

“But we can still get a pet, right?”

Svea snorted.  She was very, very, very well aware of how much he wanted a pet.  With Diesel, Whiskey, and Tequila far away in Sweden with Fanny and Emil, he had limited access to animals.  And after spending practically the entire summer with them, he was desperate for some animal contact.  Grace bringing Pippa around was always nice, but it wasn’t enough.  He couldn’t cuddle with Pippa whenever he wanted.  Pippa wasn’t at his home.  “Elias.”

“What if I brought home an iguana one day?”

“No,” she said loudly, pulling away from him so his head wasn’t on her chest anymore.  He had a cheeky smile on his face.  “I told you to stop sending me reptiles to adopt.”

“But what if—”

“If you bring home an iguana or a reptile or God forbid a snake, you’re not allowed to marry me anymore.”

“Whooooooaaaaaa whoa whoa hey hey hey, let’s not get crazy here,” he held up his hands.  “Okay, I’ll stop sending the reptiles.  But that means I can send you more dogs.”

“Okay, deal,” she smiled, finally getting her opportunity to kiss him.  “You’re lucky I’m already crazy for you, because you’re gonna drive me crazy.”

“Hmmm,” he hummed happily, snaking his hands up her shirt.  “I’m crazy for you too.  And I can think of a few crazy things we can get up to right now.”

>< >< >< >< ><

“Elias—”

“—Svea—”

“—Elias we’re already late—”

“—Pull up your dress—"

“—Eli—oh, oh Jesus,” Svea felt herself getting pushed against their bedroom’s glass window.  Elias was behind her pulling her dress up and bunching it around her hips.  She could hear the buckle of his belt clink as he rushed to get it unbuckled.  “Elias—”

“Bend over.”

She let out a hot sigh as she did what she was told, trying to grip onto the glass as she bent over slightly, her ass sticking out and grinding on Elias’s already hard member.  She could feel his hand on her ass, slipping her lace panties to the side.  She’d bought them specifically for tonight.  No set, because she wasn’t wearing a bra (only boob tape, as per Grace and her tailor).  She’d planned on surprising Elias after the gala but he apparently had other plans.  She felt his fingers play with her folds, letting out a mewl at his teasing to get her wet, eventually slipping two fingers inside of her, causing her to cry out.  “That feels good, Elias,” she whispered, looking back at him.

“You like that?” he asked, to which she nodded her head.  “You think looking that sexy in this dress wasn’t gonna make me do this?”

She smiled slightly.  “I knew it would.  Just thought you’d be able to wait,” she smiled devilishly.

“Nuh uh,” Elias shook his head, curling his fingers and making her visibly shiver.  “No waiting.  Can’t wait.”

“Then fuck me already.”

Elias entered her with such force that they crashed together against the glass.  Svea let out a loud moan as he filled her up, feeling his hot breath right behind her ear as her own hot breath fogged up the glass in front of her mouth.  She absolutely loved the feeling of him filling her up – always had, always would – but this was different.  This was hot and fast and raw and rough, and she liked it, God did she like it.  “Fill me up, Elias,” she breathed out.  “Fill me up and fuck me.”

He crashed into her hips again, and she sent out another shout.  His body pressed up against hers gave her little room to move but she liked it.  Another crash.  Another shout.  Another crash.  Another shout.  On and on and on, the more shouts and moans escaped her body without her having any control over them.  On and on and on, she got louder with each passing one.  He could see her knuckles turning white from trying to grip the glass unsuccessfully.  “You like being fucked like this?” he mumbled into her ear.

“Yeeesssssssss,” she nodded.  

“How much?”

“So much,” she breathed out.  “I love it when you fuck me hard, Elias.  I love it.  It’s so good.  It’s so fucking good.”

It wasn’t meant to last long – rendezvouses like this never did – and so with a bite of the neck and an arch of the back and a slip of Elias’s hand around to her core, rubbing and teasing, Svea came undone, coming loudly and shaking as she tried to keep her balance.  She could feel his breaths shorten, and soon after, he came inside of her, hot and wet and causing her own orgasm to last longer.  As they tried to catch their breaths, Svea could feel Elias’s lips on the open skin of her back, placing soft, tender, loving kisses along it as they came down from their highs.  

Elias’s lips moved from her spine to her shoulder blades and along her neck.  “I love you,” he whispered softly, placing a quick kiss on her jawline.  

The fact that he was still inside her made it that much more tender to her.  With her skirt still bunched up and the heat still pulsating in her core – evidence of what they’d just done – it was a nice bring-me-down, a return to reality for Svea who had just been seeing stars thanks to her boyfriend.  “I love you too.”

When he softened and he finally slipped out of her, she whimpered as she always did at the loss, though she knew that more would be waiting for her later.  She adjusted her underwear upon hearing Elias’s belt clink again.  After rearranging themselves, they looked at each other to see the other perfectly well-kept, as if Elias didn’t just fuck her against the window.  Elias had a smile on his face – a proud one, not one filled with lust like minutes before.  “We should get down to the car,” he said, though neither of them bothered to move.  “You do look beautiful,” he added.

“We clean up well,” Svea smiled back.  She stepped forward to help him arrange his tie and collar.  

“I can’t wait to see you in a wedding dress,” Elias said, looking down at her.

Svea looked up.  “Yeah?”

He nodded, clasping her hand in his.  “Yeah.”

***

“Svea, you look fantastic!” Jacob Markstrom smiled as he bent down to hug her.  Almost the entire team and their significant others had sad variations of the same thing to her as they saw her, so she knew she had picked the right dress.  She and Elias were one of the last couples to arrive, but it seemed like things were running slightly behind schedule anyway because of people trying to find their seats in the giant room.  It saved them, really.

“Thanks Jacob,” Svea smiled.  “You look quite dapper yourself.  A change from the scruffy bear you turn into when we’re back in Sweden.”

He let out a hearty laugh before moving on to greet Elias.  Svea looked around the room to see it already almost full of people mingling.  The stage was lit up in blue and green lights, and the DJ was playing music in the background of everything else that was happening.  There were already food stations open in the middle of the room.  Svea wondered if the boys could eat before they had to go their designated stations – she knew Elias and Brock were going to be set up in the photobooth part just like last year.  That meant she and Grace could gossip and get a good talk in before dinner, where they would inevitably be separated at different tables.  

About five minutes after Svea and Elias arrived, Brock and Grace did too.  They made their rounds with the team.  When Grace approached Svea, she gave her a good up-down.  “You look phenomenal,” she said before going in to hug her.  “Was Petey able to keep his hands off you?” she whispered in her ear.

Svea giggled.  “No.”

Grace nodded knowingly as she pulled away from the hug.  “Brock wasn’t either.”

Soon, the boys were called to their “stations” and Grace and Svea found their tables before going to the bar.  A lot of people were approaching Grace because they recognized her from her father, and they asked questions about her and her initiatives and her uncles as Svea stood awkwardly with her, barely acknowledged or subtly acknowledged with just a nod of the head.  Grace knew how to work a room, so it was fine, and she tried to include Svea into the conversations as much as possible, but people weren’t interested in her as much as they were interested in Grace.  It was fine.  Grace came from a prominent family of billionaires who were famous in Vancouver for their philanthropy.  Svea was just…Svea.  To be honest, she somewhat liked it.  She could never be in the “limelight”, so to speak, as Grace was.  That’s why if she went into politics, she’d be an advisor.  There was no way she’d run for public office, even though she could debate better than the best politicians.

At one point, Svea and Grace unfortunately got stuck with quite the…character.  Young, brash, and somehow invited to a gala that benefitted children, he was making jokes left, right, and centre.  Most of them inappropriate.  Both girls wished he noticed their awkward laughs and buzzed off, but such was not the case.  He just had to chat up the daughter of Hamish Gillespie.  

“You girls having a good time?” Brock’s voice was heard suddenly as he crept up behind them, putting his hand on the small of Grace’s back.  Elias wasn’t far behind, smiling slightly.  

“Whooooa ho ho!  Brock Boeser!” the man exclaimed, doing one of those slap-shaking of hands boys always did with each other – if they were friends.  Brock had no idea who this man was.  “What’s up, Boes?  Just talking to your girl here about where the Gillespie’s are donating money next.”

“Hmm, really?” Brock said, eyeing Grace and seeing the look she was giving him.  “You’re talking to Grace about it?”

“Yeah, your girl.”

Elias watched as Grace rolled her eyes.  “I was just about to say it’ll probably be another arts centre somewhere,” she said curtly.

“And what about you?” he nodded his head towards Svea.  “Raya, was it?”

“Svea,” she deadpanned.  

“Svea’s looking to do public policy and work in politics,” Elias interjected, saying the information proudly.  

The man laughed out loud.  Like, actually laughed out loud upon hearing the news.  “You gonna be a political husband, Petey?  The Good Husband?  Like that TV show?” he joked.

“I don’t get it,” Svea interrupted before Elias could respond.  She knew what she had to do: she had to use the technique of playing dumb and not understanding the “joke” in order to have someone awkwardly explain why they thought their racist/sexist/misogynist/ableist “joke” was funny, thus shining a light on their horrible character.  She could bask in the awkwardness of them stumbling over their own words and seeing how truly ridiculous and stupid they really were.  “Can you explain that to me?”

She watched as the man’s face fell slightly.  “Oh, you know,” he tried to play it off.  “It’s just a joke.”

“What’s the joke?”

Now his face really dropped, but he still tried to keep a smile on his face, which just made him look completely like that Chrissy Teigen meme.  “It’s just…you know…”

“I don’t know.”

The man shifted awkwardly on his feet.  “Petey doesn’t need his girl working in politics,” he said.  “What are you even gonna do in politics anyway?  How’s Petey gonna feel about that?  Having his girl running around with a bunch of politicians?”

“I’m not exactly sure where you’re going with this,” Svea said.  She couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth.  “What exactly are you trying to achieve?  Please explain to me how having a successful wife is so threatening to a man’s ego?”

“Does he need the trouble?” he continued.  “You can’t be out there…you…I mean, shouldn’t you just do what all the other wives and girlfriends do?  Be with the kids and tend to the house like a good wife?  Petey is the important one here.”

Svea was so shocked her jaw didn’t drop.  She closed her jaw, curtly, and closed her mouth, curtly, out of fear of saying something she might regret.  It was Brock who had to intervene.  “I think it’s best you leave now,” he said as calmly as possible.

“I—It’s not—”

“Leave,” Grace stressed.  

The man scoffed and walked off.  Svea could feel Elias grab her hand and squeeze it.  He had an angry look on his face, understandably, as he watched the guy walk off, back to his table and back to his group.  Elias would make sure to walk by the table to see the company they came from so he could make a complaint.  “What a fucking asshole,” he mumbled.

“What a crock of shit,” Grace piped up even louder than Elias.  She looked up at Brock.  “Can we kick him out?  I’m serious.  Can we go speak to someone so he’s thrown out?  Let’s go.”

“It’s fine,” Svea said.  

“But Svea—”

“Honestly, it’s fine,” she stressed.  “I’m going to be a woman in politics.  This won’t be the last time somebody is going to make a comment like that.”  Grace was still visibly mad.  So was Brock.  But they listened to Svea’s wish and didn’t pursue it any further.  “Let’s go sit.”

***

Despite the man’s horrible comments, Svea forgot about them for the duration of the gala and had an amazing time.  There were some hilariously funny moments that the organization put the players through, and Svea was laughing almost the entire night.  She had some great talks afterwards, as well, with Jacob and Troy and Bo and Holly, and when the night ended, she was tired but happy as she and Elias made their way back home.  Grace suggested they go for late-night pizza but Svea was too tired.  They promised Grace brunch the next morning instead, which was readily agreed upon.  

“I appreciate that you don’t expect that life from me,” Svea whispered as she stood in their bedroom in front of their mirror, Elias behind her unzipping her dress.  She’d already been to the bathroom to wash off her makeup.

He knew exactly what she was talking about.  He honestly wondered when she was going to bring it up.  They’d been through this discussion months earlier when Francesca made her comments.  He couldn’t believe they had to put up with them again.  “I know you do,” he said from behind her.

“I just…I haven’t gone to university and pursued a life and career in public policy or law just to be called your girlfriend and become…become a…a trophy wife!  A wag!” her anger was coming through now.  “And I know I shouldn’t be angry and—and I’m not, I swear, because I know how ridiculous he was, but I…still.”

“I get it.  It’s okay,” Elias said as he finished unzipping her dress.  “You know I’d never want to dull your shine, Svea.  I never want you to settle for anything you don’t want because I know you don’t want me to do that either.”

“You don’t…” she stopped herself, thinking if she should even ask the question, since he posed the same one to her when they were in Sweden after the entire Soren debacle.  “You don’t think I’m holding you back, right?”

“How would you?” he asked, his tone showing he thought it was the most absurd idea on the planet.

“From like, doing stuff with your friends.  Going out, having fun…I don’t know Elias.  Normal guy stuff.  Normal hockey guy stuff,” she clarified.

He’d been shaking his head since her first word.  “No,” he said definitively.  He dress fell to the floor, leaving Svea standing in front of the mirror in just her lace underwear.  “I see what some of my friends and teammates have gotten up to on the road and I don’t want that for me.  The only things I want in my life are my family, hockey, and you.  There’s nothing else I need.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive,” he nodded.  “You keep me grounded, Svea.  I don’t need to do that shit when I have you at home.”

“I just don’t want you to miss out,” she said.

“I’m not missing out.  Trust me.  I still have my fun but I have it on my terms.”

Svea internalized his words and nodded her head.  She turned around and began helping him undress, undoing his tie and the buttons on his dress shirt before moving to his belt, the clinking of the metal reminding her of their previous activities just hours ago.  “I know that you love me.  And you know that I love you.  I just want to make sure you’re living the life you want because I know you want me to live the life that I want.  Which is why I’m comfortable with telling you the next thing I’m going to say.”

“Which is?”

“If we get married, we’re not having kids anytime soon.  I’m not even entertaining the idea,” she said, looking him straight in the eye.  “Like, it’s not on the table.  It’s not an option.  I’m going to school and I’m working.  And when I’m ready, we’re having kids.”

Again, Elias was nodding from the beginning of her first words.  “I’m fine with that.  I—yes, I’m fine with that.”  

“You’re sure?”

“Positive,” he kept nodding as she pushed his dress shirt back with her hands, letting it fall to the floor as well.  “There’s no way I can even think about taking care of a kid right now anyway, so there’s no way I’m gonna do that to you.  I wouldn’t put that on you while I go live my dreams.  You have to live your dreams too.”  He bent down slightly to give her a light kiss on the tip of her nose.  “I love you.”

“I love you too.”  

That night, as Svea was on top of him, under him, on her hands and knees for him, spooning him, and everything in between; as every orgasm coursed through her body from the top of her head to the tips of her toes like a tidal wave, leaving her a shaking, moaning, mewling, whimpering mess, she was shown time and time again how much Elias loved her, how much he adored her, how much he would do anything for her; and she was shown, more than anything, that they were in this together.

>< >< >< >< ><

Dear Miss Nilsson,

Congratulations!  We are pleased to offer you acceptance into the Peter A. Allard School of Law…

***

Dear Miss Nilsson,

Upon review of your application, we are pleased to offer you acceptance to the University of British Columbia’s Master of Public Policy and Global Affairs…

>< >< >< >< ><

“Stella!  Stella!  Speak!”

“Brrrrrrrraaaaark!”

“Gooood girl, Stella!” Svea gave her a treat.  “Okay, now twirl!” she did the hand motion, and Stella spun around and sat down when she was finished.  “What a good girl you are, Stella!”

“RrrrrBARK!”

Svea watched as Elias came up behind Stella and picked her up in one swift movement, swooping her up in his arms as he brought her up to his face.  He snuggled his face into hers, her wet nose tickling his skin before she started licking his face.  Svea laughed at the sight, and soon Elias was laughing too because Stella wouldn’t stop.  “You’re just like mommy, Stella.”

“HEY!” Svea opposed, pinching him on his side and causing him to wince.  “That’s not very nice.”

“It’s true though.”

“So what if it is,” she mumbled as she watched their puppy continue to lick his face.  “We should put her harness on her now if we’re going to take her to the park.”

“But before that,” Elias said, placing Stella back down on the floor before walking over to their fridge.  He bent down to open the freezer and took out a bottle of champagne.  Stella waddled over to him, trying to see what else was in the freezer.  “What’s that?” Svea asked as he set the bottle down on the counter.  It was an expensive bottle too – he’d really gone all out.

“You didn’t think I’d just give you that necklace to celebrate you getting into your programs?” he asked with a smirk on his face.  He took out two champagne flutes from a cabinet and set them down on the counter.  

Svea touched the necklace sitting pretty around her neck – the Cartier Love necklace in yellow gold with diamonds, of course to match her bracelet that she hadn’t taken off since.  “Elias…”

“And I know you still have to think about which one you’re going to choose,” he said as he took the foil off the top and began to uncork the bottle, “but we’re still going to celebrate.  Because you’re my Svea, and I love you more than anything.”

Svea bent down to pick up Stella and cradle her in her arms as Elias poured the champagne into the flutes.  “I did choose,” she said softly.  “I came to the decision mentally, like, half an hour ago and I was going to tell you at the park.”

“Oh yeah?  And?” he asked as he finished pouring.

She took a deep breath.  “The Master of Public Policy and Global Affairs.”

Elias smiled from ear to ear, handing her one of the flutes to hold.  He stepped towards her and wrapped an arm around her, cradling her and Stella against him.  “To you, my pretty girl,” he said softly as he looked down at her.  “My moon, my stars, my Svea.”

>< >< >< >< ><

@ThomasDrance: BREAKING: Elias Pettersson has signed a contract with the Vancouver Canucks.  More to come shortly.

@ThomasDrance: Sounds like a long-term deal.  Elias is staying.  Canucks fans rejoice.

@ThomasDrance: Somebody on the media beat just screamed.  Another danced.  One is just smiling as he’s staring down at his phone.  Just in case you were wondering how happy the people of Vancouver are.

>< >< >< >< ><

“You guys want to meet up on…let’s say Saturday?” Svea asked Grace on the phone.  She was lying on the couch with Elias giving her a foot massage and Stella sleeping on her chest.  

“Yeah, of course.  Pippa down!” she asserted.  “What were you thinking?”

“We kind of want to go super-fancy,” Svea said, knowing that Grace would be able to help with that.  “Like, really nice outfits.  And I want Brock in a suit.”

“I’ll make reservations at Hawksworth,” Grace said like it was the easiest thing in the world – because it was for her.  Everyone else would need to wait weeks.  But not her.  “And I’ll stuff Brock too-many-cookies-gut into a suit, no problem.”

“Make the reservation for 1:30 in the afternoon.  But can we meet at 11?”

“Of course…” Grace said.  “Why so early?”

“For Stella.  We need to show you something with Stella.”

>< >< >< >< ><

Elias waved Brock down outside once he noticed his car.  Elias was dressed in his best suit, one he’d know he’d never wear again from now on.  He watched as Brock parallel parked the car on the street.  Grace got out first, wearing a very pretty and fitted yellow dress with a boatneck and cap sleeves, looking especially elegant.  Her hair was sleeked back into a low bun, and she had a pair of high-heeled sandals on to complete her look.  Brock followed behind her, wearing one of his particularly well-tailored and fitted black suits, shiny new shoes and a skinny tie.

“Why’d you make me dress up?” Brock asked as he approached Elias, adjusting his jacket so he could button it up.  

“You know I like seeing you in a suit.”

Brock winked.  “I do, but you see me in one almost every other day.  Why my best suit?”

Elias didn’t have the opportunity to answer, because Svea came up from behind him to hug Grace and Brock.  They both bent down and kissed Stella as well.  “Do you guys mind if I leave my jacket in your car?  It’s getting a bit hot out,” she asked as she began unbuttoning her trench coat.  

“Yeah yeah, of course,” Brock nodded, moving to open the backseat door for her.

When Svea handed the handle of the leash to Elias and took off her trench coat, she had everybody staring.  She revealed the dress she was wearing: plunge V-neck, frilled outline, sequin-embellished waistband, flowy skirt.

White.

“Wait…” Brock held his hand up, not bothering to close the backseat door even though Svea was finished throwing her jacket in the back.  Finished and waiting.  He had a confused look on his face.  But then it suddenly hit him.  “Are you guys getting fuckin’ married?”

Svea smirked.  When Grace saw, she screamed at the top of her lungs.  Brock looked at Elias, who was now smiling and laughing at Grace’s reaction.  “Are you fucking joking?”  Elias shook his head.  “You guys are getting fucking married?!  Right now?!”

“Yup,” Elias finally nodded his head.  “You and Grace are our witnesses, and you may or may not need to FaceTime in our parents and siblings.”

If it was possible, Grace screamed even louder before jumping up and down and lunging herself at Svea, who was ready to catch her and hug her.  Brock and Elias watched as she kept changing “ohmygodohmygodOHMYGOOOOODDDDD” over and over again before she finally had the wherewithal to grab Svea’s left hand.  When she did, she saw Svea’s ring: a beautiful yellow gold pave ring with a sapphire halo around the centre diamond – a giant round cut that took up most of Svea’s finger.  She gasped at the sight of it.  “Oh my God this is stunning,” she said, inspecting it before turning to Elias.  “You picked this out?”

“Wow Grace.  You don’t have faith in me?” Elias smiled.

She turned to Svea.  “Our men have no taste.  You have to tell me who picked it out.”

“HEY!” Brock protested.  “I have taste!”

“We went to the jewelry store together.  I chose the diamond and he said to get it bigger—”

“—Good—”

“—and then I wanted the pave band.  But it was Elias who actually suggested the sapphires in the halo.”

Grace nodded.  “The sapphires make it.  They truly do.”  She gave Elias another look.  “Good job Elias.”

“Thanks Grace.”

“So are we gonna do this thing or what?!” Brock asked, clapping his hands together.  “Let’s get married!”

***

The picture was simple, and taken by Brock.  In it, Elias and Svea stood on the steps outside Vancouver City Hall.  They stood side by side, and were holding hands.  Svea held her bouquet by her hip, and in Elias held the leash for Stella, who was sitting in front of them, smiling at the camera.  They were smiling, too.  Formal smiles, mostly, but in Elias’s unabashedness, and in Svea’s absolute pure joy.

Elias posted a simple caption.  

💒

***

@of_pettersson: The Church of Pettersson could have married you!!!  Alas, we bestow best wishes to you and your bride!  

@peteyfan40: pettersson married? What a way to ring in his contract!

@canucklehead406: gotta love that the first thing elias does after signing a contract is get married. Remember that ice and dice when he said he’d never had a girlfriend? What a change

@vancitybaby: ok, so I’m not the only one who think elias looks super cute with his new wife and puppy, right? Like I basically sobbed.

@ThomasDrance: Signs a contract, gets married.  Bride is childhood best friend Svea Nilsson.  Congrats to Elias & Svea.  Bright things are in their future.

@BBoeser16: So happy for my two best friends and to have been there with them <3

@gracegillespie:  I love love.  Congratulations to Elias, Svea, and Stella.

>< >< >< >< ><

Elias and Svea cuddled on the couch.  Svea was in Elias’s lap and Stella was sleeping in hers.  Elias placed a kiss on Svea’s temple.  “I love you so much, Svea.”

She smiled.  “I love you too Elias.”

For at least a moment, everything was perfect.  

[heyhihellowhatsup0]

Swapped With A Kiss - Chapter Four (Tom Holland x Reader)

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Fluff, language, potential smut in future chapters, a pinch of angst…I think that’s it

Word Count: 2204

Summary: You and Tom were simply meant to be. But what the hell happens when you wake up and you’re suddenly with his best friend and your life is backwards?

A/N: I’m beginning to really enjoy this buildup rn, I’m not gonna lie. Thank you all so so much for giving me such kind words about chapter three! Here’s a pinch of fluff/hope for you! I can’t wait for your feedback and I hope you guys like this so far!! Thank you xx -N (.Gif is not mine, DM me for credit)

“Oh my god, this cake is so fucking tasty,” Tom garbled into another helping of the cake they were trying out. Sighing in relief as he laughed into his second piece, “I swear to god, Y/N, this one is the best cake I’ve ever eaten in my life,” he told you as he pushed the plate closer to you to try.

    “You said that about the last three, Tom,” you giggled as you picked up your fork and scooped up a small bite. You really didn’t have much of an appetite to be eating all of these amazing desserts. You wished you did. But trying to act unbothered in front of Tom was taking up all of your nerves right now.

    Tom watched you meticulously, smiling as he watched your eyes light up as the piece of heavenly dessert hit your mouth, “I meant it about each one. But this one...oh good lord!” he cried out with a grin as he noticed your face.

    “You’re totally right, this one is amazing too, Tom,” you agreed as you took another bite. Trying to restrain yourself from holding his hand or expecting a kiss was even harder than you thought. But you frowned a bit into the cake as you pushed the rest of it towards him to finish it off.

    It felt so strange as you sat beside Tom, watching him make jokes with you and smile with you as you typically would. But the strange thing was how he didn’t feel strange about any of it, just you did. You were constantly thinking about how you wanted to go wedding cake tasting with Tom for your wedding together, but here you were. None of this felt organic and you were trying so hard to just be his friend the way he was acting.

    If Tom couldn’t be the love of your life in this world, you wanted him as a friend. No matter what, having Tom in the smallest of ways in your life was better than not having him at all. You knew if the tables were turned, he would probably want the same thing. Making the best out of an awful and horrific situation because that’s how much you cared about the other.

Tom smiled at you as he took a sip of his coffee to wash down the cake he had just devoured, “So what’s the verdict?” He asked with an excited expression.

You laughed at Tom’s cake covered face, knowing you knew his favorite, “I think you sold me on the last one, Tom,” you agreed, still wanting to make him happy even though this cake clearly wasn’t for him.

“Why do you keep saying my name like that?” Tom asked as his lips curled up into a small smile at the way you were saying his name. He hadn’t ever really paid attention to you before, but the way you were calling out for him felt so odd suddenly. Almost as if you hadn't said his name in a really long time, it just felt different for him and he couldn’t put his finger on it.

He was still worried about you from the other day. Tom had never seen you act that way around him and it really caught him off guard. The fearful look in your eyes, staring back at him; looking almost as if you were afraid of Tom, and that freaked him out most of all. Your eyes were screaming at him and he couldn’t figure out what was going on with you. But he hadn’t forgotten that look in your eye. He didn’t think he ever could.

“Doesn’t this all feel wrong to you? I know my Tom is in there, I fucking know it...”

Tom had known you for so long, he thought he had you completely figured out. But those words haunted him the last few days and no matter what, he just couldn’t shake them. Spending the day with you was something he was eager to do so he could try and get to the bottom of it. But now you were acting even more unusual, continuing to perplex Tom more and more.

“Oh I didn’t even realize I was doing that,” you apologized, looking at him like a deer in headlights as he called you out on your actions. Typical Tom to be so cheeky to try and figure out what was bothering you, “Sorry, To-ooh!” you stopped yourself as you put your hand over your mouth, stifling your laugh as you made Tom laugh.

“You seem distracted, Y/N,” Tom offered as he ran a hand through his curls while he took another sip of his coffee, “You know you can tell me anything. I’m your best friend,” he reminded you ever so subtly as he licked his lips and looked at you with his big brown eyes.

Taking a breath, you tried your best to shrug it off but you knew you couldn’t. Tom could always read you like an open book, this one was no exception. But you knew telling him the truth was out of the question. Especially after learning he was dating Chanel the other night and promising yourself you wouldn’t hurt Harrison. Some things were going to have to wait.

“I uh...actually, Tom, sorry!” you stammered over your words as your fingers ran through the ends of your hair nervously. You couldn’t even look him in the eye right now, you had no idea what to tell him, “I’m just not really feeling myself lately, and I-”

“...Are you having second thoughts?” Tom finished for you as he bit his lip. Why would he even put an idea like that in your head? You were marrying his best friend and were the perfect couple in his eyes. Why on earth would he even blurt out something like that to you?

Tom cleared his throat as he shook his head, “Shit...I-I’m sorry. I just meant because of the other night and you just seem a bit...absent minded,” he swallowed thickly as he tried to tiptoe around the potential minefield he was walking upon.

“No, no! I think just the stress is getting to me a bit, you know?” you tried to disguise your tone as you began to fill out your wedding cake form for the baker. You looked up at Tom in between and tried to flash him a smile, “I’m fine, Tom. I promise,” you lied, hoping this Tom wasn’t as good at detecting your lies as yours. But who were you kidding.

Nodding his head, Tom watched as you filled the form out as he thought of an idea, “Well, if you’re up to it, I have an idea that might help take your mind off of things,” he offered to you as he wriggled his eyebrows mischievously.

“I know that look,” you laughed as you handed the form to the baker along with your deposit as you both headed out of the bakery. And you did know that look, all too well, “What’s up your sleeve, Thomas?” you teased him as you followed him down the street.

--------

You let out a laugh as you sat on the floor in Tom’s apartment, laying down on your back as Tessa came right on top of you like she always did. Scratching behind her ears and getting her favorite sweet spot as she gave you the exact same treatment Tessa always did. It was comforting knowing that no matter what Tessa this was, she remembered you and loved you. And it was making you feel better.

Tessa acted so familiar and friendly with you, it made you feel like you were back to your normal life for almost a moment. Reaching up to kiss the top of her head as she remained still and gentle as she always did with you. Giving you kisses and comfort as she rested herself into your lap while you continued to scratch her head.

“You’re so good, Tess,” Tom cooed from the doorway as he watched you interact with his dog. He was surprised at how calm Tessa was with you. She was always a gentle dog with everyone but he knew how jumpy she could get. Especially around other girls. And to his surprise, Tessa was so well behaved with you. “She missed you,” Tom chuckled as he reached over the counter to grab her leash.

“I missed her too,” you laughed as you sat up straight and gently tapped the floor with your eyes on Tessa. You wondered if this sweet girl remembered the same tricks you had taught before, “Stay, Tess…” you said slowly as you pressed your palm onto the floor.

Both you and Tom kept your eye on Tessa as she slowly and gently pressed her chin onto the floor in between her paws. Her eyes opened up at you as she obeyed while you clapped your hands together proudly for cooperating.

Tom pouted at Tessa’s manners while he handed her a small treat while clasping on her leash, “All of a sudden you’re learning new tricks with Y/N. Huh, Tess?” he teased his dog with a laugh. But how come Tessa answered to you so quickly? It was so different. Tessa knew you, of course. But this was different, and it struck Tom differently. It made him happy. A different kind of happy.

“It’s so weird. She hasn’t seen you in so long and she’s acting like you’re her owner…” Tom trailed off, watching you scratch and play with his dog as you stood back up on your feet. What the hell was going on with him? You’ve hung out with him and Tessa countless times, this was no different. Why was he freaking out suddenly after you teaching her a trick?

You gave him a shrug as you grabbed the leash from him, “She clearly already knew. I just refreshed her memory was all,” you stuck your tongue out at Tom as you pushed him playfully. Acting like his best friend was the worst. But at least you got to spend the day with him and finally see Tessa. She was still your girl even though she wasn’t your girl. At least not anymore.

“I really needed this,” you told Tom with a smile as you clutched onto Tessa’s leash. It felt good to tell Tom how you felt in some way. And seeing Tom actually want to make you feel better meant the world to you. Whether he was doing it as a friend or not, you appreciated him going out of his way today, “I uh...thank you, Tom,” you finally told him with a smile.

And without thinking, you wrapped your arms around Tom and hugged him tightly. Letting out a sigh of relief as his familiar arms went around you carefully. It was just the nature of you to desire a hug, one of Tom’s hugs that always made you feel better no matter what. You tightened your grip a bit, not wanting to linger for too long so Tom wouldn’t get the wrong idea.

But as you were about to pull away, Tom pulled you back in for one more hug. He didn’t know why but there was something about that moment in which he was afraid to let you go. The smell of your shampoo taking over his nostrils as he smiled into his hug before finally exhaling, “Your happiness means so much to me, you know,” he finally whispered as he pulled away.

Tom felt his heart thud for a moment when he saw the brief frown flash across your face. Wanting to ask you why you looked that way, but chickened out and instead forced another charming smile. He couldn’t figure out what was going on with him or you. The idea of you being remotely sad nearly killed him now more than ever. There was nothing more he wanted than to make sure you were happy.

“Ye-yeah, it means a lot for you to be happy too,” you answered quietly. Flashing him a quick smile to try and hide what was going on in your jumbled brain, “You’re um like my...best friend,” that time it almost hurt to get it out.

“Best...best friend, yeah,” Tom agreed, pressing his lips together. He didn’t know why but hearing you call him that felt almost like it wasn’t true. And suddenly, he found himself even more confused and perplexed.

You both jumped when you heard a thud, turning your head towards the door as you heard the door begin to rattle open. It was Tom’s place, and you didn’t know who he did and didn’t give keys to. But you didn’t want it to be Chanel. You didn’t want your almost perfect day to be ruined by seeing Tom acting all sweet with this girl.

The sound of tiny paws pitter-pattering on the other side of the door gathered your curiosity. Pursing  your lips, you watched as Monty came trotting through the door with another familiar face behind him. In your world, you’d be incredibly happy to see either of them. But seeing them take away your moment with Tom? It wasn’t what you wanted right now.

“Hey man,” Tom greeted awkwardly as he crouched down to give Monty a warm welcome, “You got done early?” he asked Harrison as he bumped his fist to say hello the way that he always did.

Tom would be lying if he said it suddenly felt different being in the room with both you and Harrison now. He couldn’t figure out why, but it felt like there was some elephant in the room trying to say something. But Tom didn’t know what that was or why. Why now?

Because he wanted to spend more time with you today. Just you.

Taglist: @missmulti @hazmyheart @lauras-collection @iamapersonwholikesunicorns @farfromhazreads @detroitbydark @mcuassemble @blahhhhhhhaaa @lonikje @beiroviski @ruefulposts @rebekkah4766 @desir-ae @kayla-m1996 @averyfosterthoughts @unicorn-princess-1999 @asmilinghopelessromantic @itsjusttor @osterfield-holland-andcompany @whatareyouhidingpeter @when-marvellous-things-happen @mannien @lilostif16 @u-rrose @jillanaholland @ninjalex1d @dee-rosemary @baby-unidorn @astoldbydanid @honey-sea @fallingforfics @lulueliott24 @mikalaka @babebenhardy @coni-martina @geniousparker @captainemrys @mktravelbuggie @underoosmarvel @pluckypete @hollandfanficlove @lookalivefrosty @lightmelikeacigarette @msmarvel-19 @averyfosterthoughts @parker-holland-osterfield @thwip-it-real-good​ @shirukitsune​ @justanotherusername80​ @jillanaholland​ @dangerdolns​ @jwolfesblog​ @jjayyc​ @sad-thinker-over​ @ifilosemyselfagain​ @axisnpalma​ @just-a-littlebit-of-everything​ @bookgirlunicorn​ @kfcyum​ @thenoddingbunny-blog​ @buzzbuzzitsmeagainbitch​ @herondale-snow-carstairs​ @marvelobsessedteenager​ @samallbee​ @unlimitedd​ @dramaholic18​ @softholand​ @panicattheeverywherekid​ @emotionally-unstable23​ @quackeroos​ @unbelievableholland​ @the-crazy-fanfictionist​ @holyhumorliteraturelight​ @shayminisshiny​ @spideyyeet​ @katiekinzs​ @fanficparker​ @peachyxholland​ @ifntelyinspirit​ @rubberducky-jrr​ @xguardgirlx​  @hollandstea​ @t-holland2080​ @oh-whatabeautiful-parker​ @selfcarecap​ @localfangirlx​ @xxpeachyxo​ @hazardosterfield​ @xstarbae​ @justanotherusername80​ @halfblood-princess-505​ @photoshopart15​ @spiderbibby​ @the-fandom-life-forever​ 

[ivyglow]

Thinking ‘bout you | Mat Barzal NYI

A/n: Hey, guys! This request was from the song prompt list that @with-the-words-all-wrong​ tagged me, you can check it on her profile <3. I’m sorry I took too long, but I decided to write a whole ass piece and here it is (and guess what? I hated it lmao). 

- Btw if someone wants to proof read my pieces it would be great, just dm me if you’re interested! 

Word count: 3.3k 

Requested prompt:  10 “Can I see you again and not feel bad about it” & 13 “I liked when you cared about me too”

Summary: Y/n and Mat met through mutual friends and it’s not long before they start hooking up. She’s has a wild spirit, he’s looking for someone to settle down. Is it possible to meet the right person at the wrong time?

Flashbacks in Italic! 

Things started slowly but surely people knew it was coming. Since the first time y/n was introduced to Mat’s circle of friends, everyone noticed the way his eyes sparkled with interest and the way she seemed to reciprocate it. They were both young, reckless and any slight chance of love or affection sounded good to Barzal at that time. He was living on his own, and sure most of his time was at practice or out with his friends, but the home-alone time made him think about some things such as settling or at least going for something more serious than the eventual hookups that he would have. 

Y/n was funny and beautiful. God, was she beautiful.

The first thing he noticed about her was the eyes. On that low lighted bar, her eyes were glowing green in contrast with her skin. She was wearing jeans and sneakers, outstanding everyone. She was so simple, and maybe that was the thing that drew him towards her. The feeling of not caring about what people would think, not being open to doing everything as expected but doing it as you wanted to. 

And maybe, just maybe, it was this exact feeling that made y/n choose Mathew. 

Everyone in her family was expecting her to get into a serious relationship as soon as she landed in New York, but as her friend, Kayla would say “New York it’s not the place to find a lover”, and she was well aware of being on the age of glory. Her early twenties and the freedom of living on her own, paying her own bills something she dreamed of since she turned fourteen. 

She wanted to have fun and Mathew Barzal was definitely a funny guy.

They went to many friends’ meetings before finally taking a step on the obvious sexual tension. That did not mean it was time enough to become best friends, it was time enough to become mutuals. He knew some things about her and she knew some about him. He knew, for example, that she hated when people tried to make decisions for her, she liked independence in every way and damn was y/n mad when their friends tried to pair her with Mat before she could make her mind about it. 

The thing she knew about him was that he liked her and she knew it because he was an obvious guy or at least he was obvious when it came to her. Not in the sweet romantic way, but in a cute and affectionate way. 

Or at least that’s what she tried to remember while things started to escalate quickly with movie nights and nights in, or morning sex. They were getting attached, but it wasn’t what y/n planned at all and she knew she had a short amount of time before she would get attached herself. 

It was a Friday night, she had an average day at work and the guys were celebrating friendship, just the possibility of having their small and closed group whenever they needed. These kinds of celebrations started with Kayla, she was the one always wondering and getting the best of life, pulling her focus towards the small details of life that usually made it better. Her biggest fear was to die without enjoying life, y/n was always down for her ideas and shared a fear that looked a lot like Kayla’s.

They were chilling in Tito’s balcony, drinks in hand, enjoying the feeling of the cold New York air hitting their faces and the noises of the city that never sleeps being drowned by the many floors below. Kayla was telling one of her stories while Mat, Joe, Katy, and Isabela listened carefully. Tito was sitting by them but seemed lost on his own little world, the reason why y/n would sometimes call him ‘dreamy boy’. A random song was playing low on the speakers, but everyone heard when y/n finally arrived.

“Why you always late?” Joe asked before swinging the rest of his beer in a long sip. 

“I’m never late…” she faked confusion before going for the wine bottle. “You guys just always early.” 

Mat chuckled and Kayla rolled her eyes slightly, he liked her so much he even found her shitty jokes funny. Or maybe it was just Mathew, he usually was the first one to laugh, anything was fun to him, almost like he didn’t curse or lost his mind every 5 minutes on the ice.

“That one is old, y/n” Tito finally left his dreamy thoughts and provoked his friend. He loved to joke around with y/n, it was like she had an answer for everything and she also happened to be a great listener whenever he needed a sincere opinion that wasn’t from Barzal. 

“You’re getting old too and I’m not saying that in your face...and Mathew laughed, I would say my jokes are aging well” y/n walked over greeting everyone properly. Barzal was the last one and kiss she left too close to his mouth wasn’t unnoticed by  Anthony. 

“Wanna sit with me?” He asked still holding her by the hand. All the available surfaces to sit already occupied. 

“You mean to say ‘sit on you’?!” 

Isabela that was sitting closer to Mat laughed out loud, “You guys are so obvious…” 

“Are you drunk?” y/n replied back trying to sound nonchalant and sitting on Mat’s tights. 

His hands found its way on her waist and she was a bit impressed at how comfortable it felt to be that close. He was wearing his cargo pants and a grey sweatshirt, hair an aesthetic mess at the top of his head and lips glowing from his beer. 

It was short before Kayla went back to her story and y/n start sipping her wine. 

Mat’s hand would travel up and down her waistline under the soft blouse she was wearing and eventually her left hand found his neck hair. It seemed natural, almost as if the exchange of physical affection were something they did every day, and considering their friends were not chirping or making a huge deal out of the situation it seemed even more common. 

“Are you driving home?” y/n asked when Mat finished his second beer bottle and she was still on her first wine glass. 

He turned to look at her, a slightly confused and curious frown on his face. 

“You’re drinking...I know you handle your alcohol just fine, but drink and drive it’s no good” she explains being more detailed than usual. 

Barzal chuckles before pressing a kiss in her cheekbone, “You look cute when you’re worried.”

“It’s not-” she starts but the look on his face says it all, he already knew. He had her figured out so easily sometimes it was scary. “I just wanna sleep in peace knowing all my friends are fine… I care about you.”

“You wouldn’t have this problem if you sleep with me tonight.” 

And indeed, that was the first night they spent together and it was far to be the last. 

Usually, she would be gonna by the sunrise, but this time y/n was exhausted with work and school and having to deal with her family constantly asking about plans they had for her, besides the physical weariness of a whole sex night with Mat. That morning she woke up not to a silent house, but to a shirtless Mat cooking breakfast while blasting her playlist of favorite songs. 

“Normally I woke up without feeling like it, but Frank Ocean is playing and you’re doing pancakes...although I’m not really sure about how the food is going to turn out” y/n walked in the kitchen catching Mathew’s attention. 

“Good morning to you too” he mocked her, glancing at his oversized shirt that hung her body in a baggy way but still so beautiful. 

“You need help there?” she asked going to the water bottle sitting on the counter.

“This is the last pancake, everything’s ready” he walked away from the stove just to wrap one arm around y/n’s middle. 

She thought to herself that Mat was the whole package, he knew her so well, he even put effort into cooking in the mornings they spent together -which were few, but still- and he was a great listener, although he liked to talk just as much. He was funny and hot, and he could do both so easily it was painful sometimes. But instead of voicing her thoughts, she kept to herself and left their silence to hug their bodies together. His face resting on the crook of her neck and her hands brushing his long locks. 

As soon as the song switched to Lost, y/n’s lips left a loud gasp. Mat would be surprised or confused, but it wasn’t his first time seeing her enjoy her favorites Frank Ocean songs, some he knew the entire lyrics. It was funny to see her wildly dancing and singing as if the world would end anytime soon. And it was those same eyes that made him leave breakfast for good and join her private show. They spent almost thirty minutes stuck on the dance-sing-perform-y/n’s-favorites.

These were the moments where they would be more friends than ever. Sharing the intimacy of the voice of each other and the awkward dance moves, getting to know the songs’ preference, and almost getting a noisy complaint by the neighbors.

And so when Mat started to miss her in the mornings and wish her by his side at night he realized that the intimacy of the moments they spent together could fit as a relationship intimacy as well. Y/n was so easy to be around and she would always have her own way of seeing random everyday things. She liked to go straight to the point too, she hated to lie and hated to left people read one thing when she was trying to say another. That’s why when they started to hookup she told Mathew she wasn’t looking for a lover, she liked him for sure, but being in the years of glory and living in New York wasn’t something she wanted to leave for a relationship. 

After almost four months going on like they used to, Mat thought maybe y/n changed her mind. Maybe she liked him as much as he liked her. 

And she was point-blank when Barzal brought the subject, “I like you a lot, but I love my freedom.” She didn’t try to put much into it, telling him about her problems would only make him built hope, and she knew that maybe by the time she was fine with the idea of a serious relationship she could be in love with someone else or even he could be. Y/n liked Mathew indeed and that’s why she left him. 

Keep it up would only hurt him. 

And so they said their goodbyes without a huge fight, but the silence still hurt just as much.

Mat shifted his focus to the season that was about to start, the travel around and games non-stop would take his mind away from how complicated feelings could be sometimes. Y/n, on the other hand, dived into work and school, however, still gets herself wondering about Barzal and how things would turn out if she said yes to his proposition. She missed him in the simple tasks of the day and had to constantly remind that they were not texting each other anymore and no, he definitely did not want to know about the funny dog that ran to her at the park. 

Nevertheless, they had the same group of friends and when the season ended and so did midterms, it was crystal clear that they would need to face each other again. 

It was a Friday night, just like the first time they spent the night together, and she had an awful day at work, still, Kayle was able to drag her to Tito’s apartment where the small group where reunited. This time it was not one of her best friend random celebrations, it was actually because they spent too long without meeting. 

When they finally reached Anthony’s floor y/n still had no idea how she would talk with Mat. She was nervous. They went from 2 a.m calls to zero communication and the lack of it was the reason why she had no idea how he was feeling, if he was doing fine, if he hated her, if he was ok with keeping the friendship etc. 

Everyone was in the living room surrounded by bottles and snacks while a random pop song was playing on the tv. He was the first face she searched for but was nowhere to be found, and so y/n settled for greeting each of her friends with a warm and tight hug. 

Except for Tito, he was the last one on the sofa line, “where’s my wine, Beau?” 

“Kitchen counter” he rolled his eyes playfully. 

“Alright, now I can give you a hug” y/n joked before lowering herself and draping her arms around Anthony’s shoulders.

“Bring me another water bottle too, please” Joe requested when she was making her way towards the other room.

The hardwood floor felt cold against her feet and she enjoyed the feeling, trying to switch her thoughts to something other than why Mathew wasn’t there. But before she was able to, she reached the kitchen and there he was sitting on the stool while working in one of his drinks.

It was like the cold from her feet reached her whole body suddenly and she was nervous again.

Mathew made y/n nervous.

It was new to her and she was torn between trying to figure out more about the unknown feeling or ignoring it by shoving it down her pocket. 

“Hey!” she tried to sound cheerful, but only got a nod as the response.

Y/n couldn’t read him with his eyes away from her, but he seemed a little out of tune. His hair the usual aesthetic mess at the top of his head and his so friendly white sweatshirt. 

She walked over to the freezer reaching the water bottle Joe asked for and then going for the glasses and pouring her so loved wine. 

“For a moment when I walked in and didn’t saw my wine at the coffee table, I thought Tito had forgotten about me” her remark did not bother Mathew that kept working with the lemon and vodka in front of him. The pang on her heart now so much vivid. Maybe he hated her indeed, maybe he was heartbroken after everything they went through. And she couldn’t help but finally let some kind of guilty sink at the top of her stomach. “Can I see you again and not feel bad about it?” 

The thirty seconds of silence were filled with Mat’s breath since y/n was holding hers. 

“What do you mean?” Mat sounded genuinely confused. 

“I mean you ignoring me...I never intended to hurt you, you know?” 

“I’m sorry. I’m not ignoring you, I’m just out of the area today, my sleep schedule is all fucked up and I’ve been a little grumpy lately, there’s nothing to do with you.” 

She wanted to ask how he was doing, if he were hurt when things didn’t go as planned, she even wished to ask about hockey so he would smile bright and big and keep talking for the next two hours. But instead, she took the wine glass and water bottle, making her away to the living room while holding her heart in her hands too. 

Joe started a conversation about vacation and so it was the main topic for two hours straight, and even though Mat knew a lot about the subject he kept his mouth shut, mainly just listening to everyone while sipping his drink. It was unusual considering Barzal was usually the one who couldn’t shut up, you would always hear him on the friends’ get-together either his loud voice or his laugh. 

Y/n found herself looking at Mat right across her, but she was still able to miss him, cause it didn’t felt like he was there. He was far away in all meanings. 

“There’s something I can do to help?” y/n asked while walking to sit beside Mat in the bed they were, certainly, going to share that night, “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to make you feel better, I guess you know by now that it wasn’t your fault.”

Mat was moping since he got home, the islanders had lost and the cherry to the cake was the fact that they lost a home game, and y/n was by his side time enough to know that he absolutely hated to lose this way, but she wasn’t time enough to know how she was supposed to deal with it. She wasn’t in the mood for sex and he sure wasn’t too, however she couldn’t stand the pouty lips and the moody Mat, it gave her heart a little pain.

“You don’t need to say anything” he mumbled underneath the covers. 

“But I want to. I care about you, Mathew.” she insisted. “What can I do?”

Mat had this soft smile in the corner of his lips watching y/n sitting by his side and looking at him as if he was the most important thing to her at that moment. ‘I care about you’ wasn’t an ‘I love you’, but it meant something deep and they both knew it. 

“You can just lay with me.” He gave up scooting to the side and opening his arms for her to lay on top of him. “And stay the night.” 

“I wasn’t planning on going anywhere,” y/n’s lips found Mat’s in a slow and sweet kiss that last only some seconds before her face was on the crook of his neck. 

Everyone was too caught up on the conversation to notice y/n walk to the balcony and sit in one of the big cold chairs, everyone except Mat and it didn’t take long for him to grab a blanket and follow. He knew she was barefoot and she usually was cold at night. Mat knew a lot of things he never thought he would when they first started going out. Yes, he was looking for a lover, and yes he wished with all his willpower to be y/n, but she left him dazed, living each day by its time - as it’s supposed to be -. Maybe that was the reason why in the middle of it all he didn’t stop too much to think about how things were turning in an unknown road...and when he did, it took them to the mess they were living. 

Barzal said nothing as he dropped the blanket around y/n’s body and lowered himself to sit by her side. 

“Thank you,” she mumbled a bit dizzy. 

“No need to thank me, I just still care about you, that’s all.” His voice was low but firm. He didn’t sound spiteful, it was as if he was letting himself to be soft after every solid thing that hit both of them. 

And y/n took the time to process that information. 

Mat still care!!!, her insides screaming in pure joy and confusion, and she felt as unsteady as ever. All the ‘what if’s’ making room inside her thoughts. But ‘What if he still cares, but don’t want anything?' ‘What if things don’t work out?’

“I liked when you cared about me too…” Mat voiced taking y/n’s silence as an answer itself. . 

“Mat, I’m just…” she thought for some seconds more, her head still bubbling with doubts. “I still care about you.”

His head was still low, fingers playing with a random bracelet, he was deep in his thoughts just as y/n. 

“I wasn’t ready to commit, I have so much shit going on and it’s a whole package. A relationship is different from how we were working before. It demands a lot more…I also needed these months to think again and again about it.” She ranted while staring at the building in front of them. “But I still do. I still care about you.”

“I wanna give it a try, the whole package, and everything. I like you, y/n.” He whispered, his voice drowned by the noise of the city, but she was still able to hear him, the soft tone, the truth underneath each word. “Just text me and let me know when you’re ready.” 

She nodded while they exchanged a meaningful look. Truth dripping from each other’s eyes along with affection and a new kind of feeling.

They sat there in silence for some minutes, just listening to the city’s noise and feeling the cold air hit their faces before y/n took her phone typing a simple message and sending it to Mat. He looked at her, a hint of amusement and happiness, and she shook her head yes.

[jimlingss]

Sugar and Coffee [4]

Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 4.5 OR Chapter 5

➜ Words: 4k

➜ Genres: 99.5% Fluff, 0.5% Angst, Pâtisserie school!AU

➜ Summary: It isn't hard to be a pâtisserie chef, but it's not a piece of cake either. It seems like for you in particular, life keeps throwing in one wrench after another. It always finds ways to make your sweets bitter. The cherry on top is Jeon Jungkook — a rival with a sensitive sweet tooth who always finds ways to complain about you.

cr.

You miss Seokjin.   You know that you shouldn’t, but in the middle of the night while you’re unable to sleep, you pick up your phone again. And you send him a text.   2:03 am. Y/N: hey   The bright screen stares back at you, illuminating your face and blinding your vision in the darkness of your quiet dorm room. Your messages are lined up in a row, the same exact text left unanswered. Ones you sent from a week ago to two days ago.   The radio silence makes the realization sink in — he broke it off. Jin really has no plans of communicating with you again, of giving you an explanation other than telling you that it’s run its course and that you’re not the one at fault.   It doesn’t sit well with you, so your thumb moves, quicker than you can list the consequences for. You call his number. It dials. But instead of hearing the tone ring, you hear an automated message.   Seokjin changed his number.   //   It’s morning while on the way to class with you hiding beneath the hood of Jin’s sweater that you end up catching sight of someone familiar walking towards your direction. It’s your only strand of hope, but you step forward before the opportunity is lost. “Hani?”   “Y/N?” Hani stops and greets you with a smile. She’s a friend — well, Seokjin’s friend. But she still regards you with the same warmth as she gave to you for the past two years, albeit the atmosphere is awkward.    The both of you know what happened, know it’s looming over your heads. But no one speaks about it, no one dares to broach the subject. “Hey, how are you?” And her question is asked at a higher pitch, cautious as if you were a wounded animal that she was afraid of scaring.   “I’m...fine, how are you?”   “I’m okay.” Hani nods and gathers the courage to approach the issue that you’re skirting around. “I...heard about what happened. It’s a real shame. I hope you’re holding up well.”   “Trying.” You muster a smile, shrugging your shoulders.   Yet in spite of her friendliness, you can still feel it — the distance.    Like you thought, they sided with him. They’ve chosen him with no plans of getting between you two and involving themselves in the conflict. “Well, I should go. I might be late. I’ll see you around, Y/N.”   You nod and she brushes past you. But then you twist on your heel. “Hani?”   “Yeah?” She spins around.   “Did,” you hesitate, “Jin say anything about me?”   “No, he didn’t,” she says, quietly and sadly.   You bob your head again, meeting her eye. “How is he?”   “He’s okay.”   You wonder what that means — if he never really cared, if he’s already over this. But you’re also glad that he’s okay. You’ll never have any ill wishes against Jin. You still love him.

Jungkook and his friends have a system, if one could call it that — a shitty system of crashing each other’s dorms. Sometimes they’re crowding around Taehyung’s gaming consoles, other times it’s Jimin’s computer. Or Jungkook’s flat screen that he spent his entire summer job’s savings for. Or even going to Hoseok and Yoongi’s apartment to raid the fridge and be as loud as they want without getting noise complaints.   Hoseok and Yoongi didn’t like the dorm life, so they were willing to raise their living expenses and pool their money together for an apartment off campus. And that’s where Jungkook finds himself this evening.   They’re watching a soccer game, but the only person invested is Taehyung who actually knows the teams and who is who. Hoseok is preoccupied pigging out on the snacks, Yoongi sipping his drink, and Jimin is playing a game on his phone.   “Can I ask you something?” Jungkook asks out of the blue, smacking his lips after taking a swig of the beer. He can’t wait till Taehyung gets curious and drinks some — he’d probably gag from the taste.   Yoongi looks up. “What?”   “It’s not about me, but I have a friend of a friend and this friend of theirs was...dumped pretty badly and now they’re depressed and not talking...at all….and they don’t really have friends anymore because all their friends were my friend’s friends, so it really sucks for them.”   “Uh-huh.”   “So what would you hypothetically say to my friend’s friend to make them feel better or like what would you do?”   “Well, for one, I’d take Y/N out,” Hoseok pipes up while chuckling.   Jimin lifts his head and Taehyung looks over. The two of them exchange expressions and burst out laughing. Jungkook sighs in irritation. “Who said this was about Y/N?!”   “We’re not total idiots, dude.” Jimin grins. “Sometimes.”   In the meanwhile, Taehyung leans down to give a punch to Jungkook’s arm and winks. “Trying to slide into her DMs now that she’s single, huh? I see you, Kook. Still got game. Can’t say I’m not impressed. Go get that puss—”   “As if.” Jungkook scoffs. “I just feel bad, alright? Forget I asked. Whatever.”   But Yoongi isn’t ready to drop the subject quite yet. His cat-like eyes narrow in on him as he sips on his drink. He puts the bottle down on the coffee table with a clank. “Since when did you start caring about her?”   “I don’t—”   “You don’t have to get defensive,” Yoongi deadpans boredly. He isn’t that interested, merely stating a fact. “I’m just surprised.”   “She’s going to be my internship partner whether I like it or not in a few months.” The youngest sighs. “I don’t want to make it awkward. And I thought it would be better in the long run if we become friends now. It would be nice to have each other’s backs. Or at least be civil enough where she’s not trying to rip my head off every other second.”   Yoongi appears mildly understanding and nods. “So it’s a diplomatic thing.”   “Yeah.”   “Invite her to our game night,” Hoseok says from the kitchen.   “Don’t do that.” Yoongi scoffs, expression wrinkled like he bit into a lemon. “It’s our thing.”   “Are we ten? Boys only?” Hoseok argues, “We already have our thing every single night anyway. Plus, it might be a nice change since Jungkook always wins.”   “Fine.” He rolls his eyes. “Do whatever you want.”   “That actually sounds kind of fun!” Taehyung grins, tearing his eyes away from the soccer game. Jungkook’s amazed that he had half a mind to pay attention to the conversation. “But I wonder if Y/N is any good at board games or if she even plays.”   “Is everyone cool with me asking?” Jungkook looks around — Hoseok and Taehyung are enthusiastic about the prospect while Yoongi is passive aggressive at worst and apathetic at best.   It’s Jimin who looks uncertain.   “She’s….intimidating,” he mutters. “But….I think you’re right. Y/N looks like she’s having a tough time and if we can help, then we should. At least then we know we tried.”   He nods. There’s only one issue left. “I don’t even know if she’ll even accept…”   Knowing you, you might just laugh in his face and then spit at him for even making such a suggestion. Then again, with how you’ve been acting lately, you might just start crying from gratefulness and freak him out. Both scenarios are equally horrible.

The pair of you bake alongside each other as the teacher watches for technique and the order of the procedures done. Jungkook works on the dough while you focus on the custard filling. It’s surprisingly perfect teamwork — you’re in sync with one another and assemble the final cake together.   And when the teacher returns to eat it, he’s astounded that it’s been exactly replicated. From the taste to the presentation.   You leave the room with a ninety percent grade, having absolutely aced the midterm.   “That was pretty good, huh?!” Jungkook grins, putting his hand out. You muster a small smile, and high-five him back.   “Yeah.”   “Man, all our hard work paid off! Did you see the look on Mr. Chu’s face?”   He was over the moon, especially considering that napoleon cake isn’t all that easy to make under strict time constraints. But when Jungkook glances at you, you don’t seem very happy over it. Your eyes are on the floor with your downcast head.   “Hey.” The doe-eyed boy pokes your shoulder until you look up at him. “Do you wanna…”   “Pardon?” Your brows furrow. His voice became so quiet, you couldn’t hear him.   Jungkook clears his throat noisily. “I asked how you were holding up?”   You shrug. “Fine. I don’t know. Do you really want to hear about it?”    You doubt he would trouble himself with your problem, but what catches you off guard is that he stops in the middle of the hallway and nods. You stop with him too. “Sure. Shoot.”   “Really?”   “Yeah, I don’t see why not. It’s not like I have anything better to do.”   You inhale a deep breath. It catches in your throat. Your fist tightens, nails digging into your skin. You swear you wouldn’t cry again. “I texted Jin, even though I know it wasn’t a good idea and yeah, it wasn’t. He changed his number.”   “Oh….shit.”   “And I talked to one of his friends yesterday and she said he’s doing fine. He hasn’t really talked about me. And I don’t really know what any of that means. I haven’t seen him around either. I think he’s avoiding me and I can’t help thinking about what I did that was so wrong for me to be treated this way. I don’t….I don’t think I deserve this.” You exhale a shallow breath, eyes stinging painfully.   Jungkook suddenly plops his hand on the top of your head. You frown at him and he realizes what he’s doing and withdraws his hand awkwardly. “That really...sucks.”   “Yeah, thanks, I know.”   “Sorry, I don’t really know what to say.”   “You don’t have to say anything,” you tell. “Thanks for not laughing, I guess.”   “Why would I laugh?” Jungkook asks, genuinely confused. You shrug.    You always thought Jungkook would be the first to applaud your misery — he’d goad you and cheer you when you’d cry. You guess you severely misjudged him. “Are you free tonight?”   “Why?”   “My friends and I are doing this thing.” Jungkook scratches the back of his neck and diverts his vision elsewhere. “We meet up to play games sometimes. It’s really Taehyung’s thing cause he’s the one who likes games, but if you’re free, then you should come along. We’re in need of new players actually, cause it gets boring when it’s the same people over and over again….”   “Would they mind?”   He swallows hard, taking in the way your head is quirked to the side, your eyes big and glimmering with hope. It seems like you’re taking him up on the offer or at least considering it and he’s pleasantly surprised. “No, no, they wouldn’t.”   “I don’t want to make it weird or anything…”   “No, you wouldn’t. Trust me. They’re just a bunch of lame dorks, and you kind of already know Taehyung and Jimin. They’re nice guys. So if you wanna come, you should. No pressure whatsoever though.”   “Sure.” The corners of your mouth lifts.   “Really?”   “Yeah. That’s….okay, right?”   “Totally. Yep. I’ll text you where and what time.”   You never knew one day you’d be going off campus to some random apartment for a night of game boards, much less with Jeon Jungkook. Part of you is skeptical about his offer, envisioning that he’s catfishing you somehow, that there isn’t actually anything happening and he’ll text you ‘sike’ after making you wait hours.    But then you remind yourself that he hasn’t been exactly an asshole lately and that you’re not in the cruel world of High School anymore. Jungkook would have to be sick to prank you in this state.   You can already hear the boisterous noise on the other side of the door before you even knock. But after some hesitation, the sounds taper off when you do.    The door swings open and Jungkook greets you with his doe eyes and messy dark hair flopping in different directions. He’s in a black shirt and loose, gray sweatpants, casual unlike how he usually dresses for class and the kitchen.   “Hey!” He reaches in to give you a quick hug. You stiffen and he lets go. “Come in!”   “Finally, she’s here!” Hoseok stands from the couch with his beer and moves to the table Taehyung’s setting up.   “Sorry, am I late?”   “Right on time actually,” Jimin says with a gentle smile.   “Beer or cooler or wine?” Yoongi suddenly asks, twisting around from the fridge.   “A-Any.” It’s fast paced, but they’re welcoming. There’s not a moment for awkwardness to settle in. Yoongi comes over with a beer can, tosses it, and you catch it with both hands. “Thanks.”   “We usually start with a game of good ol’ Janga.” Taehyung grins from his spot at the table. “Usually the person who goes before the loser gets to pick the next game, but since you’re our guest of honour, you can pick. There’s a whole shelf of them over there.”   He gestures towards the living room and you head over to look at the boxes that are accumulating. There’s a ton of boxes stack on each other on the shelf — The Game of Life, Risk, Twister, Battleship, Monopoly, Connect Four, Snakes and Ladders, and even CandyLand.   “What’s this?” you ask, pointing at the bottom shelf with a huge bin. There seems to be small bags inside, place mats, and books too.   “It’s stuff for D&D,” Jungkook clarifies with a sigh, popping a can of beer open to drink. “Dungeons and Dragons.”   “Taehyung’s been wanting to get us to play,” Jimin tells with a smile.   “I’m a great DM,” Taehyung chirps, “It would be so much fun, but we don’t really have time for a whole campaign. Otherwise I’d pull together official content and stuff from Unearthed Arcana and run a module from Wizards of the Coast—”   “Alright, nerd.” Yoongi sighs after a swig. “I’m not trying to re-virgin myself and remain abstinent for the rest of my life, alright? You can do that by yourself.”   “Don’t hate on my game, bitch,” Taehyung spits as Jimin and Jungkook laugh. A smile comes to your face and it isn’t one you have to muster for once. “Wait till the day you come to me and ask me advice on what kind of spells a halfling bard should have at level six.”   “Over my dead body.”   “Okay, can we not argue for once? We have a guest.” Hoseok intercepts with his hands out, literally standing between them. “Let’s try to not scare her off?”   You go back to looking, but you can’t seem to decide what game to play. “There’s a lot.”   “It’s not ours,” Yoongi pipes up again, wearing a friendly smile that is more like a smirk. “This is Hoseok and I’s place. Taehyung just always finds a way to put his shit here too.”   “Hey! That’s cause no one else has a big table like this at their dorm, plus my place is too messy to store my precious games there. They’re expensive, you know.”   “All I know is that somehow I always come home to furniture and clothes on my bed that I swear I didn’t purchase….”   “Alright, alright.” Hoseok intervenes for the second time, having enough of this nonsense. “Is the game done being set up or what? Y/N come sit, you can choose the game later.”   You gather around the table with Jungkook beside you. He leans in while the others are figuring out who gets to start and what direction to go in. “Sorry about that.”   “No, it’s okay,” you say and mean it too. “Your friends are a lot of fun.”   Yet the moment the game begins, there’s a shift in the atmosphere. It goes quieter, less fooling around as it intensely dials down. There are half-lidded stares across the table, snarky remarks exchanged. They’re a competitive group and you feel a lot of pressure to perform well.   Jimin seems to go for the easy blocks. Hoseok tries to make it more difficult for the next person. Yoongi is the designated asshole, going for the second top layer while Taehyung argues that it isn’t even allowed. On the other hand, Jungkook somehow flicks the Jenga block with his middle finger and thumb. He’s cocky about his technique, leaning back as his arm drapes over the back of your chair. He runs his tongue on the inside of his cheek with his brow lifted.    You remember why you fucking hated him now. He’s so unbearable sometimes.   “What?” He looks at you when he finds you staring.   You frown at him. And for a second Jungkook gets a glimpse of the bitch he remembers — the one he misses. “Why do you have to be so extra about it? Who are you trying to impress?”   “Right?!” Taehyung stands up and the entire stack of blocks nearly topples over. “I keep trying to tell him that! It’s so goddamn annoying! You won’t even believe it!”   “Watch it,” Hoseok shouts, “You’re going to make it tip over.”   That’s when you become fired up. You’ve never felt this kind of motivation surging between your veins before. But it’s not a thirst to win — it’s a ravenous hunger to beat Jeon Jungkook.   And you do.   After playing to Hoseok’s tactic and being an asshole, you risk it all to remove an important block and it collapses on Jungkook right as he tries to remove another.   Then there are screams — hoots, hollers, like your country won the damn world cup. You stand up and everyone cheers. Hoseok chest bumps you. Taehyung lifts you up and spins you in a circle. Jimin starts to record the moment on his phone and even Yoongi pats you on the back.   “God, why are you guys making such a big deal,” Jungkook moans, still seated at the table, embarrassed from all the teasing.   “Maybe because you’ve never lost anything in your life!” Taehyung laughs in his face, rubbing his loss where it hurts.   “Say something for the camera.” Jimin sticks his phone right between Jungkook’s eyes, and dodges with giggles when Jungkook tries to slap it away.   “Hey, send me that.” Yoongi points. “I’m going to post it on facebook for my grandma to see.”   “Has Jungkook really not lost any game we’ve played before?” Hoseok questions, the realization finally hitting him and the gravity of the situation sinking down onto his shoulders.   “I don’t think so,” Jimin says after sincerely contemplating for a long moment.   “Oh shit. You’re our lucky charm!” Hoseok slings his arm over your shoulder, giving you finger guns and winking.   It’s ridiculous but you’re beginning to believe it too — especially when the game you pick is Uno and it ends up with a similar outcome.   Somehow, someway, Jimin, Taehyung, Hoseok and Yoongi finish their cards and the only people who are left are you and Jungkook. The tensions are high and you see the sweat accumulating at his hairline. It’s apparent that he’s never even been second last in a game before.   You’re so close to victory, you can taste it. You’re down to a single card while he has three more.   Jungkook slowly places down a wild card. “What colour do you want, Y/N?”   “Hmmmm.” You rest your chin in your palm, arm propped up on the table. You glance at your card before looking straight at him, locking your gaze together. “Would you even choose the colour I pick?”   “I just want to hear what you want.”   “Fine. I want yellow. Please?” You bat your lashes. “Pretty please, JK?”   The ass smirks. “Red.”   “I knew you’d say that,” you sigh. Your fingers reach down to the pile to grab another card, but then your other hand slaps down — slamming a red four onto the pile. Your arms shoot in the air. Again, it triggers cheers. “I win!”   Jungkook throws back his head and groans. He tosses his one red and one blue card left onto the table. What’s worse is the way you gather with all his friends — the five of you huddled together with arms around one another, like you’re preparing for a football game. But instead, you’re all hopping and cheering while belting out the national anthem.   You’ve stolen his own friends from right under his nose.   But despite how the loss is rubbed in his face, Jungkook’s happy that it seems like for a moment, you’ve returned to yourself again.   Eventually, the games go so much into the night that you have to bid your goodbyes. You didn’t know Jungkook’s group of friends were so easy to get along and get comfortable with. You weren’t sure what you were expecting, but the time passed so quickly and you’re sad to leave.   Hoseok and Taehyung hug you until Yoongi has to help you pry them off.   “I’ll miss you so much,” Taehyung fake cries. “You and the way you absolutely demolish Jungkook.”   “Oh please.” Jungkook rolls his eyes.   “I’ll come back...if you’ll have me again.”   “Are you kidding? Of course!”   “You have to come back,” Jimin insists with a sheepish smile like it should be obvious. “You’re good at Monopoly, right?”   You shrug. “I’ve been told I’m decent.”   “You better be.” Yoongi grins. “I’ll expect you to win against Kook.”   “I’ll try my best.”   “Let me walk you back,” Jungkook says as you grab your coat. You look at him and he elaborates, “It’s a long way back to the dorm and I’m tired too. Gonna call it an early night.”   “Oh, okay.”   The two of you get ready to leave, and at the doorway, you turn around one last time. “Thanks for having me.”   “No problem.” Hoseok smiles. “Come back soon.”   You think this is the longest time you’ve been without crying for the past month. It went by too quickly — you wish you could do it all over again. But you consider how lucky Jungkook is. He has great friends and surrounds himself with great people. You’re jealous.   The night is silent except for the sound of your shoes against the cement of the sidewalk. You’re illuminated by the lamp posts above you and you watch your shadows alongside Jungkook’s.   The air is cold enough that you can see your breath as you exhale. Jungkook’s own hands are dug into his pockets, but the chill makes you feel alive.   “Sorry about them. I know they can get a bit much.”   “It’s okay. They’re really nice actually.”   “Yeah, they are.”   “I had a lot of fun.” You steal a glance at him.   Jungkook’s doe eyes widen, the corners of his mouth quirking. “Really? I’m glad.”   “It was a lot of fun destroying you.”   “Wow.” He laughs. “Okay.”   It makes you giggle too.    You know what he’s been doing. From him listening to everything you have to say and doing more than necessary during the midterms. From that time he called you over in the dining hall to sit with him to tonight, bringing you over to play games with his friends….   “Thanks, Jungkook.”   “Hm?”   “Thanks,” you repeat, looking at him, and he meets your eye. “For helping me. I don’t think I’ve said it yet. But I really appreciate it.”   “Yeah, it’s not a big deal, really.”   “It’s a big deal to me.” Your gaze softens. At the moment you had no one, he was there. You didn’t know you would find such an unlikely friendship during such a hard time, but you don’t mind at all.   Jeon Jungkook is your friend.

[silkylious]

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!

I'd like to dedicate a post to all the wonderful people that I've had the absolute privilege and pleasure to befriend this year! I feel very thankful for having the chance to talk to each one of you and I just want you all to know that I love you so, so much, you've helped me get through this year and make it that much more bearable. So I'd like to say thank you to:

@lady-bakuhoe I still remember in May when you replied to my message and reblogged my first fanfic, I almost went into cardiac arrest. You're one of the very first people I knew of and admired on here, way before I even started this blog. You kickstarted my blog in more ways than one, you first inspired me to share my writing out there and you helped me gain my footing when I first started out. Idek how I can explain how grateful I am to you, I honestly wouldn't even have this blog without you.

@sassi-sunflower i hopped into your dm's almost exactly five months ago, and my god that is the best decision I've made all year by far. I never, ever would have thought that that first time I slid into your inbox and said "you're cute" would spark such a beautiful friendship but holy shit I wouldn't trade it for the world. We just clicked so well in our first conversation and I still remember it very vividly, I remember gushing to my older brother about this adorable, hilarious friend that I made online, I remember messing up my already shitty sleeping schedule so that our time zones sync up and we could talk. You literally make me so happy whenever I get to talk to you, I'm so fucking glad I decided to check out the blog that kept popping up in my notifications, so fucking grateful I sent you an ask that one time, because fuck you're such an amazing, close friend to me.

@dimplesum and @tamasoft y'all are my very first mutuals fr you're my day 1. I remember when 'tsunami' first blew up and I was so overwhelmed with the positive feedback, I get this dm from ellie and it just warms my fucking heart, and then I see faye's reblog and almost faint. your words meant so damn much to me, you gave my the courage to keep writing and posting, you gave me this security that even if my shit flops, if I'm overwhelmed with my personal life I'd still have two phenomenal mutuals to turn to if I needed guidance, especially since I was so fucking new to tumblr. Your writing on its own has brightened my days in so many times it's crazy. I'm so happy I had you guys to support me when I first started out, it means the world to me.

@sugacookiies I hit you up in dm's back when your url was still bnha-homeroom, and I don't regret it one bit!! You're literally the sweetest person ever, it made my whole fucking day when I saw you on my dash or in my dm's. You're one of the first people I reached out to on here and I genuinely get so elated whenever we talk. Your writing is some of the fucking best I've ever read like sometimes I just go back to specific pieces of yours to read them for the nth time and still be in awe of each word.

@fanfic-me-up and @vannahfanfics I love you guys to the moon and fucking back. Both of you are so fucking supportive omggg Bria whenever I see you in my notifications or dm's I beam. your comments on my writing literally mean so much to me, they fucking boost my mood into the stratosphere, I love love love every conversation I have with you babe. And vannah I admire you so. Fucking. Much. The way you manage to always put in so much hardwork and consistency in your writing while balancing a heavy academic life is fucking unfathomable to me. And you deserve all the credit for it, like you're so damn underrated it hurts. You're such an inspiration to me dude, I strive to be like you fr.

@keeijiakaashi (edited in later bc tumblr hates me and didn't save my first draft 🤡) Clio my online sister, I'd like to thank you for unknowingly stopping so many breakdowns I almost had. Your advice is absolutely priceless, I'm so fucking happy you stumbled upon my blog a couple months ago because you legit make me feel like I have a cool older punk rock sister that I can talk to about anything and everything. Just seeing you in my notifications makes me smile, even if I'd been crying over biology two seconds before lol

@marilags uh hey hi hello goddess of writing I'd like to first say that I grovel at the feet of every piece I read from you. I just... How is it so good??? I legit spend SO much time analyzing why I like each work of yours and honestly that inadvertently makes me improve too. I've loved your writing from afar for a while now but then I started interacting with you recently and ??? You're such a sweetheart???? Like ma'am this isn't fair, you get to pick one, either be super talented and hardworking or be the most adorable person ever, not both. Hands down my biggest writing inspiration, immaculate immaculate immaculate.

@honeykeigo Erika please you're like my main source of serotonin at this point. Your writing is so fucking good, and seeing your character anon interactions in my dash makes my day. Every now and then when I'm hit with a depressive episode, reading your stuff or just seeing you on my dash elevates my mood a lott you don't even know. Please keep doing what you're doing because it brings a smile to my face.

@khionne ❗❗ UNDERRATED WRITER ALERT ❗❗please if you haven't read anything from khione yet, I'm telling you right now: go do yourself a service and binge her entire masterlist I'm begging you. There are so many gems in this fandom it's unreal, and khione is one of em. Bro I love talking to you so much, we share the exact same academic pain LMAO I've only known you for short bit of time and I'm so excited to get to know you better. Also our first interaction almost made me cry lmfao

@mypimpademia @sophie-writings @todosweetheart @burnedbyshoto @miriossunshine @mrs-atushiro @raes-ramblings I am not so close with any of you guys but reading your works has helped me get through this year in some way or another, either by inspiring me to write myself, or just being my comfort when I needed it, thank you for putting out such great content <3

@chitziburn @lucyheartfilias-wife @bluemonochromes @howcanibreathewithnozaire @msngyu I see you guys in my notifications frequently! Thank you for supporting me it really means a lot <3