#while logan accepts he feels bad…patton doesn’t!

[ponyt4il]

ok soooo logan isn’t actually not in tune with his emotions he’s actually quite aware of them at all times BUT to be taken seriously he feels like he has to act like he doesn’t …but obviously it slips out . quite often. & to his dismay the sides usually know how he’s feeling but they…don’t care? or they don’t have the time to care because they’re so wrapped up in their own emotions they literally can’t. and it doesn’t help when logan’s persona urges them to not worry about these emotions ever. until. they have to!

i’d like to think he knows exactly what to say when he’s asked how he’s doing, and how to fix it. but the situation and the lack of communication between the others he simply, can’t. and he knows this, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it.

[emetophobic1]

TODAYS TOPIC : Character Mischaracterisation and poor writing!

While I am no Sanders Sides critique (I am a little bit…) and these topics have been yelled about on the rooftops, I am Autistic and enjoy analysing things and complaining. I ADORE Sanders Sides and my favourite thing to do is make AUs with them so that I can change the story, put them in different scenarios, etc. mostly because there is little to no new material in Sanders Sides, it’s only left my imagination and me freaking out over Incorrect Quote videos.

And a while back I made a “theory” (headcanon) to cope with how bad the characters are getting, to which I shall paste + add extra little things to make it work better for the present!

“SO, as we know. Characters all across media are mischaracterised into something they’re not or something that only makes up 50% of them AS a character. The characters in sanders sides have this too! The Sides in specific because it’s hard to mischaracterise a self-insert.

BUT. Character Thomas (C!Thomas) is what makes the sides… sides. What he views them as is what they’ll present as because they are facets of Thomas and make up Thomas as a whole. So, in a way, C!Thomas controls how the sides present and act around 50%. The sides are still their own and their roles / facets will make them up more than Thomas can control!

So, Logan is a complex character, he’s Logical and he’s seen as cold, occasionally mean, and he’s heavily sought over by the fandom due to “recent” episodes in which we explore him being ignored and things like that, He’s a favoured character. But all people view Logan as is Cold, Deadpan, Monotone, and emotionless. They see him as nothing more than a bookworm who gets angry easily, they dumb him down. He’s a lot more complex but I won’t go into detail with that. — but, I feel like he was specifically written that way (We all know he wasn’t.) so that the fandom would SEE him like that because that’s how C!Thomas views Logan. He sees Logan as this annoying voice in the back of your head that tells you to get to work and to be proper, so that’s how Logan presents

Now, Before I go into the other sides, I just was say that this is purely theory (headcanon) and I know DAMN well Thomas is not a good enough writer to come up with this.

Now, Patton is one of. THE. MOST. Mischaracterised, especially in AU’s where he’s meant to be unsympathetic or in anything Fanon. But that’s not Thomas’ fault, however, in the first few episodes of the series, Patton was seen as nothing but the happy pappy dad character who is a little dumb, But that’s just how C!Thomas viewed Patton at first as well as seen In ���Moving On” part 1 and 2! Because in those episodes, Patton talked about how he felt a bit forced to be nothing but the happy dad character who’s dumb but in that episode, everyone realised he is so much more and that he’s fairly smart too! He knows his stuff, he IS morality afterall.

So, after those episodes C!Thomas started to view Patton more and more like a complex person (though the fandom still struggles with Patton as a character, that isn’t Thomas’ fault) In SVS Redux, Patton is seen as one thing again because C!Thomas started to question his own morality which lead to him seeing Patton as a bad guy and Patton had a breakdown because of that, he wondered if HE was a good person or if Thomas was a good person. Thomas’ view on Patton shifted until the end where it calmed, though C!Thomas still sees Patton as mostly one thing, he’s trying so hard to see Patton as just happy again because he doesn’t want to see Patton as sad, unhealthy, or just overall as Morality itself.

And then Roman. Everybody saw him as the selfless dreamer at first until Virgil appeared, then fans started calling Roman mean and selfish because he was rude to Virgil before he became a coreside. Everyone see’s him as this one character who is constantly unable to accept the darksides as sides but in reality, he is the opposite! He’s selfless, he’s a hero, and a prince! His whole goal is to spread confidence towards others and make sure others feel welcome and accepted even if sometimes he has a hard time due to the fact his BROTHER is a darkside. But as episodes went on, Roman changed and changed. How C!Thomas viewed Roman changed! Like I said, at first he was sweet and selfless but he began to present ruder and ruder until Virgil was accepted, Then Roman stayed in a sort of neutral stance between mean and nice because Thomas couldn’t figure out how to view Roman anymore, but at the time he still saw Roman as his hero.

Then SVS Redux came. — those brief moments where Janus had called Roman and Patton out on things is where Thomas’ view shifted further. By the end of it when Roman insulted Janus’ name reveal, Thomas saw Roman as nothing but rude and mean for it and he understood why Janus retaliated the way he did. So as Roman sunk out, he presented less and less confident which showed his insecurity, he presented ruder and a lot more upset, less like a hero and more like a fallen solider who thought he was on the right side of the war. Because C!Thomas’ view about Roman had changed in that moment

And now Virgil! Virgil as a character is a complex guy! He’s a canon in between for Coresides and Darksides, and at first he was viewed as mean and uncaring and as a bother but as of Accepting Anxiety, that all changed because Thomas started to realise and see Virgil as an actual side, so he started to view Virgil as nicer and guess what? After AA (accepting anxiety), Virgil became nicer. Until Embarrassing Phases in which Virgil stood up for these view changes and didn’t want to be just mean or nice. He wanted to be viewed as neutral or as something more complex, Thomas realised this and his view on Virgil changed. For a short moment it was completely neutral where Virgil was just kind of.. there. But, then came Are There Healthy Distractions? In which C!Thomas is in a feud with a friend due to the friends past with being homophobic even if they aren’t now. Virgil was kickin’ up in that and making Thomas overthink. He was being a nuisance and Thomas viewed him in that moment as mean and annoying, so Virgil presented as such and snapped at Patton and the others, being anxious. But even after that, Thomas’ view didn’t change all that much because of how much that affected

Virgil was started to be seen as Mean again, so by the time Virgil revealed he used to be a darkside, All he wanted was to make sure Thomas knew what he was doing, he was trying to make sure Thomas didn’t elicit Janus and Remus to much because he knew it could be bad. But due to Virgil being so unaccepting of the darksides, Thomas’ views grew more and more which lead to Virgil being a lot meaner in episodes after that all and things like that

And then Janus… oh boy Janus. Janus is seen as Manipulative and Uncaring, wanting nothing more than to get at the coresides and take control but that couldn’t be more wrong. Janus is quite literally Self-Preservation which means he just wants to help Thomas care about HIMSELF rather than others, Janus is there as Deceit but Deceit can be good and bad, it depends on the reason for being Deceitful. But due to the fact that at first, Thomas viewed Janus as untrustworthy and manipulative, Janus presented AS such until SVS Redux! (Ik, this episode appears a lot LMAO) In SVS Redux, Janus appears at the end to show Patton that what he’s doing and thinking isn’t right and is only harming Thomas, Janus wants nothing more than for the others to trust him because he is a big part within Thomas. The darksides whole point is to bring out the ugly, Janus brings out physical ugliness and Remus brings out mental ugliness. The others don’t realise that the darksides are much more needed in Thomas as of recent. — so, as Janus reveals his name to gain the others trust, Roman makes fun of it (just like he did with Virgil) because he has a bad idea and history OF the darksides. Janus retaliates with “Oh Roman, thank god you don’t have a moustache! Otherwise, between you and Remus, I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is!” The thing is, We all know DAMN well that Janus doesn’t see Remus nor Roman as evil, but in that slight moment where Roman and Janus swapped places within Thomas’ views, Roman was seen as mean and Janus was seen as “just defending himself”

There was a small moment where those views and ideals swapped in which Thomas viewed Roman as the mean and selfish one and viewed Janus as the selfless understanding one. Then it was left in a neutral stance where Thomas felt confused on who was nice and who was mean but either way, in the end, Janus was accepted and the fandom started to also see Janus as nicer just as C!Thomas’ views changed

Now, I’ve been seeing a lot of discourse on the fact that Remus’ canon self is slowly becoming his Fanon self, and I agree! I agree so much and this ENTIRE rant stemmed from the fact that I couldn’t explain just how complex Remus is as a character. But, Everybody sees Remus as this trash rat goblin who strives for chaos and wants nothing more than to annoy everybody, which is true with about 60% of him. The other 40% is unexplainable as it hasn’t been explored enough to explain. In the episode where Remus was introduced, C!Thomas saw him as this complex monster, disgusting, strange, disturbing, and couldn’t understand how Remus was Roman’s other half, Thomas couldn’t understand how Remus was creativity, so as Logan helped Thomas through it, He began to accept and understand Intrusive Thoughts and agree that they’re normal. HOWEVER, what he failed to see was that Remus was still a side and wasn’t JUST intrusive thoughts. He encompassed more just like any other side would, So, C!Thomas began to see Remus as just this annoyance that wouldn’t go away, similar to how he sees Logan as this annoying voice in the back of his head, he sees Remus as this annoying thought that won’t go away and that he can’t repress so he may as well just let it be annoying. Let it tire itself out

Which lead to Remus presenting more how fans viewed him at the beginning. As nothing more than an annoyance that can’t be suppressed but at the same time, everyone knows that it’s not harmful which is why the fandom likes him so much and which is why C!Thomas is okay with Remus being around (in a way)”

Holy hell past me wrote a buttload, OKAY. — I do have a few notes; I am well aware that the sides lashing out, acting certain ways, and things alike are all in place for a reason as a part of their traits, but I just wanted to find a way to cope with how much the sides are becoming more like their fanon-selves, which isn’t good. The devolution of Janus’ makeup, the babying of Remus, the confusion with Logan, the completely ignoring of Virgils story, and Thomas leaning into ships like Moceit, Roceit, etc. (PLEASE STOP LETTING CREATORS LEAN INTO FANON SHIPS… PLLEEASSSE THEYRE FANON FOR A REASON)

Anywho, my point is; Thomas listens too much to his fandom, to the point he has taken how the fandom treats the characters and written it into the story. Yes, there haven’t been any canon episodes in like 3 fucking years, but even with the shorts, incorrect quotes, and Sanders Asides, these characters have been so clearly watered down even in terms of fucking costume. — I wasn’t even around for the 2018 - 2020 fandom of Sanders Sides, and yet even in the actual damn series I can tell what it was like!?

[sagesparrow394]

So I heard it’s Mother’s Day in the US, so in honour of that, here’s a very late and mildly unhinged analysis of what roles in the family the Sides claim in the 5th Anniversary video

Patton - “I’m the dad”

In the ‘traditional nuclear family’ (ew) the father is typically seen as the head of the household, the breadwinner, the one with authority. This reflects how Patton has always had a position of authority among the core sides, with Thomas often putting his say first and relying very heavily on his opinion. However, much like how the idea of the father being the head of the household is outdated and problematic, so is the position of authority Patton is put in, which we’ve already begun to see. It’s time Thomas puts less pressure on Patton. Maybe even go to the ‘other half’ of the couple…

Logan - “Why am I the mom? What gender roles are we pushing here?”

Most notably, he is the only one who does not choose his role in the family. Patton is the one to assign Logan the role of mom, while Logan’s own feelings and thoughts on the matter are ignored. This reflects the issues he’s been dealing with throughout recent episodes, being ignored and overlooked. The fact he is in the mom role furthers this, with again, in the ‘traditional nuclear family’ (ew) the mother’s work and suffering often being overlooked, because she is simply doing ‘what is expected’ of her.

Roman - “I’m the son, the hotshot, who’s only dream… is to be a star”

Being “the son” of among the ‘Light’ sides potentially links to Roman’s feelings of inferiority, believing he has less power in Thomas’ life compared to Patton and Logan - not surprising after POF. And his sad tone when talking about his dreams links to his feelings of being failure, both with the whole callback debacle and Thomas literally becoming a star, and just generally in his desire to be seen as Thomas’ hero.

Virgil - “I know you think I’m the son, but I’m not. I’ll be the gay emo cousin.”

Virgil immediately starts by separating himself from the rest of the core four, placing himself outside of the immediate family. This links to both his current strain against Patton, but also his insecurities after revealing himself as having once been a ‘Dark Side’. He no longer feels like he belongs with the ‘Light’ Sides, as was affirmed in the first episode of season 2. Rather, he puts himself in the immediate family of the other ‘Dark Sides’.

Remus - “I feel like I’m a fresh out of jail uncle.”

“Fresh out jail” equals new to the group. No one knows much about him or what exactly his deal is, since he hasn’t been around long. However, what they do know is he’s come from “jail” - aka, was repressed for being bad creativity. Therefore, they instantly have a negative bias against him and assume the worst.

Janus - “And I’m the sassy aunt. Who talks shit about everyone…”

Despite being ‘accepted’ by Thomas and opening up about his name at the end of POF, he still positions himself with the ‘Dark Sides’ and not the ‘Light’ ones. This could mean two things:

1) He has still not fully been accepted by Thomas,

Or 2) He doesn’t personally see himself as ‘with them’. Whether because he knows full well the ‘Light and Dark’ dichotomy is meaningless, or because he doesn’t trust them back, or because not all of the ‘Light’ sides accept him yet, we don’t know.

Him “talking shit about everyone” is also notable. He is the one who can see the problems among the core four, viewing them from the outside. He knows their weaknesses, struggles and issues - and he is going to make them apparent, so that they and Thomas can finally deal with them.

Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk.

[jungle321jungle]

Something Worth Stealing: Five

“What do you think?”

Truthfully Virgil was terrified at the very prospect. There was a reason each nanny didn’t last long, and Virgil had heard enough horror stories about the Ackroyd boys to avoid them at all costs when he had worked in the past. Hell the only reason he still got some to come in now and then was because the job was so high paying. Mr. Ackroyd knew exactly what he was doing advertising with all those zeroes, he was reeling in any nanny who would skip talking to peers at the sight. And now by some twist of fate that very bait was dangling above Virgil, and even worse there wasn’t anyway he could feasibly afford to ignore it. A sigh escaped his lips as he looked the man in the eye, “I think it is more than a generous offer that I would be happy to accept.”

(Virgil becomes the newest nanny for his very attracti- for Logan.)

Ao3 - Previous Parts - Masterlist

Five

Virgil was burning up. He wasn’t sick or anything, but the nerves surrounding this date had every nerve on fire to the point he was surprised he hadn’t melted into a puddle. Was it possible to get heat stroke while blasting AC in a car? If not, he’d likely be the first victim of such insanity. There was just too much riding on tonight. Sure, romance was on the line- but more than that, his job was on the line, and so were his relationships with Logan’s sons. 

Because what if he did something so horribly stupid tonight that left Logan’s fancy suit covered in fancy dinner? Surely, he’d be fired on the spot. And just like that, no job. No money. He wouldn’t see the twins or Patton. Janus would lose some friends. Janus would never get his own room. He’d-

“Are you okay?”

The deafening silence that was swirling around Virgil began to splinter at the sound of his nephew’s voice. Glancing in the rearview, he could see that Janus had looked up from the book he had been reading- was it too dark to be reading that now? The sun was beginning to set, so he shouldn't be straining his eyes. Virgil opened his mouth to tell his nephew so when he saw Janus frown, “So you’re not okay.”

“No-no! I’m fine. I’m fine! I was just going to say you should stop reading for now. But I’m fine!”

“You said that three times.”

“Because it’s three times the truth.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“Well, yes, um… it doesn’t matter. I'm fine, Janus.”

“No, you’re not. Are you worried about your date?”

“A- a little- just the tiniest bit. It’s been a while since I was even on a date.”

“Was that with the guy who cheated on you?”

“W-what? What?” Virgil sputtered. 

“When I talked to Mom this morning, I told her you were going on a date. And then she said that the last guy was really mean, and he cheated on you, and he made you cry. So she said it’s now my job to watch out for you ‘cause sometimes you have bad taste like she does. But Mr. Logan is nice, so I don’t think you need to be nervous.”

Virgil gave a long and heavy sigh before he couldn’t help but smile, “Well, I’m always grateful to have you on my side, Jan… But what else did your mom say about me? Or my past boyfriends?”

“Nothing really,” Janus shrugged (to Virgil’s relief). “Just that you should take her advice more.”

Virgil gave a frown and mumbled to himself, “Did she tell you she’s a hypocrite too?” 

“What’s that mean?” 

Apparently, Janus had good hearing. Good to know. “I’ll tell you later,” Virgil said, pulling into Logan’s driveway. “For now, let’s head inside.”

Inside the home, Virgil found Logan in the family room talking with three other staff members, likely talking about watching the children for the evening… Virgil wished them luck. Upon realizing their arrival, Logan turned to grave Virgil with a small, slight, barely there smile, which somehow made Virgil’s knees feel like goo. He was dressed nicely (as always)- Logan’s attention snapped back to the few he was speaking to, and hushed voices were heard as they crowded Logan before they abruptly shoved Logan in Virgil’s direction. 

Virgil was about to comment on it, when he noticed that in the second he had turned around Logan’s perfect hairstyle had been messed up the tiniest amount in what was clearly an intentional way. Perhaps those three weren’t discussing babysitting at all, had he asked them for advice? The mental image was one Virgil couldn’t help but smile at. 

“You look nice,” Logan said with a nod. 

“You as well, I-”

“Mr. Logan?” Janus interrupted. 

“What can I do for you, Janus?” Logan asked, redirecting his attention. “If you’re looking for my boys, they’re in Roman’s room.”

“Okay! But first, what’s ‘hypocrite’ mean?”

Virgil gave a heavy sigh as Logan answered the question. “A person who says one thing then does another. Like if I told you to eat your vegetables but I never do. Does that make sense?”

Janus pondered for a moment or two before he nodded and turned to Virgil, “Then my mom’s one for not listening to you but wanting you to listen to her?”

“…She listens sometimes.”

“No, she doesn’t. I’m gonna go upstairs to play. Have fun!”

When his nephew disappeared, Logan let out a slight chuckle, “It sounds like you two are having quite… intellectual conversations.”

Virgil’s huff in reply only made Logan’s smile widen, so he turned away. “Let’s not miss our reservation.”

Dinner did not go as planned. 

Despite arriving at their reservation early- their table had apparently been given away which led to waiting. And upon finally being seated their waiter took the drink and appetizer orders and then promptly ignored their existence. The drinks had eventually found a way to them, but as time passed Virgil had the sneaking feeling that the appetizers would never come. This was only proven correct as the waiter vanished from the floor entirely, and according to the whispers of employees in the dining room- he had left the building entirely. Virgil couldn’t help but want to be a tad nosier, but he caught Logan’s amused gaze. 

“Any more info?” 

Virgil shook his head as he sipped at his near-empty water, “Nothing I can hear from here. But sorry, I forgot what I was saying.”

“I don’t recall myself,” Logan admitted. “I was staring at the couple behind you who received their meal. We have been here far longer than they have.”

“Does the food look good, at least?”

“As hungry as I am, everything does. I neglected to eat lunch today.”

“What? Why?”

“I was distracted by the boys and pulled in different directions. I had to make some calls, and then I had a meeting over Zoom. Ultimately, I didn’t even realize I had missed a meal until I began to get ready. So I simply ate an apple to tide myself over until dinner.”

“That’s not like you at all.”

“I agree. But I digress; how was your day off with Janus?”

“Good, good. I had told him to pick what we would do today, so we ended up at one of those pottery places where kids can paint the pieces. He was very meticulous over a few pieces of dish ware. He wanted a perfect matching set.”

“That’s adorable,” Logan smiled. “I’ve wanted to take my boys to do that, but I have a feeling that Remus would break far more than he’d paint. But he also wouldn’t take kindly to me just taking Roman even if I took him elsewhere.”

“Yeah, I can see that.”

“What did you paint?”

“I chose a shark piggy bank because… because it was there? Anyway, I made it purple with different colored polka dots because it annoyed Janus.”

“Brilliant reasoning.”

“I think so.”

“You-”

Logan’s words and Virgil’s train of thought flew off the tracks at that moment as a server walked by, holding a tray of dishes that looked beautiful but also smelled divine. 

“As good as that looks, I regret not choosing a place I am familiar with,” Logan frowned. Apologies.”

“Don’t apologize; you had heard good things about it. It seems like this is an off day. And I appreciate the thought process that we could try something new together.”

“Why do I sense a but coming?”

“However,” Virgil started because it was a different word than ‘but.’ “It is clear we are both starving, and it’s also clear that our food will never get here considering we still have menus. So, would it be such a bad idea to go elsewhere? I know a hole-in-the-wall a few blocks away with the best tacos I’ve ever had.”

Logan didn’t speak for the longest moment. Rather, his piercing eyes stared into Virgil’s as he folded his hands and sat up straighter in his seat. And in that moment Virgil couldn’t stop the strike of fear that shot through him as he wondered if he had accidentally insulted his date- if he had offended his boss. Logan had put in all this effort for tonight and yet, Virgil just wanted to throw it away. He opened his mouth to quickly amend his statement, but Logan spoke first. 

“Couldn't you have said that ages ago? Do they have quesadillas?”

Virgil gave a slight sigh of relief, “Real good ones.”

“No point in bothering for the check, it’ll take forever. I’ll leave more than enough cash for the drinks. Lead the way.”

The food was wonderful, and with it in their stomachs, conversation flowed easily. It was almost scary how easily Virgil forgot he worked for Logan. Right now, they weren’t boss and employee; they were just two (severely overdressed) guys on a date, and that was perfect. There was something alluring about just watching Logan be Logan. Just in the way he spoke and expressed himself as if trying to remain reserved but in the same way allowing Virgil to see his true expressions underneath. Virgil had always known how nice it was to listen to Logan speak of his children, but it was just as nice to hear him speak about his life and dreams. And even nicer was how smoothly he came up with ideas on how to integrate Virgil into them. It was a first date unlike any Virgil had been on, and as Logan took his hand as they walked back to the car- Virgil couldn’t have been more thrilled with that fact.

~~~~

All Parts

[vulgarvixxen]

cervical penetration with Patton. We need some morality pussy every once in a while.

I tried a different style but it doesn’t translate well on tumblr so check it out on AO3

Tw: non traditional genitalia, mild degrading, biting

There was a reason Patton wanted to be considered the fatherly side but the reason was lost on the dark sides who hadn’t grown up with him, see each side of the Mindscape evolved as Thomas grew in a mirrored way in ways that reflected Thomas’s thinking. As a kid he was told that there needed to be a mommy and a daddy, his mind decided that each half of the mind needed a girl to be the mom. On the light side Patton had originally been formed as “Patty” but she never felt like a girl, when Thomas got older and met more people his ideas and understandings grew too. “Patty” became Patton almost overnight with Logan and Roman being happy to accept their friend for who he is, they even helped him get top surgery when Thomas was in college and was studying biology.

On the dark side of the mind a similar situation occurred with the edgy trio, Virgil had once been called “Melinno” or “Mel” after the Greek poet. He hated being different and he changed his name and wore baggy clothes as soon as Thomas learned what being trans was. It did help that his monstrous(animal) form made him feel manly with his ovipositor. Of course Remus and Janus playfully teased him (at least they thought it was playful, Virgil didn’t get the memo) until he left for the light side. The GG trio never brought up Patton’s transition and Virgil never brought up his own, to their knowledge the other was a CIS man like the rest of the sides.

As Janus and Remus messed with their “rivals” the two remaining sides were hanging out in Pat’s room, casually cuddling and watching a blooper reel from a muppet movie. It was during a video with Kermit and Fazzy that a familiar and hot sensation washes over Virgil, he curses under his breath as he checks his phone’s calendar. His seasonal heat shouldn’t start until the end of the week, what was it doing here so early?! There was no time to go to the imagination and find a cave to hide in for a few days, Patton would be concerned if he just rushed off without explanation too.

“H-hey Pat?”

“Hmm?”

“Imtransandaspidermonsterandmyheatjustcameearlycanwefuck?!”

“Uhhh, Virgy, can you say that again but slower?”

“I’m, um, trans. I also ha-have weird genitalia. My heat cycle came early. C-can I, would you…can I deposit into you? I promise it won’t hurt! They’re all duds anyway!”

After a few beats of silence Patton tosses the bowl of popcorn to a side table and hugs Virgil close.

“Thank you for telling me, I meant to tell you forever ago that I’m a trans man! I’d love to help you out with your problem. And after we can talk to Logie about anything you might want done, he and Roman created a doctor to give me top surgery! Best Father’s Day present ever!”

The amount of information was dizzying…or that could be the hormones fogging up Virgil’s brain, he catches the gist of it and nods. Next thing he remembers is kissing, Patton kissing him breathless as they both groped and grinded with a feverish need. Pat pulls off his shirt easily and then starts on Virgil’s, revealed is the pink and purple galaxy binder,

“That’s so pretty, mine was real with palm leaves. Well…it was more of a sports bra than a binder, it was always too constricting for my taste.”

He tosses away the shirt and helps Virgil out of his binder, the emo is too horny to be bothered by his body being so not masculine. The skin looks irritated so Patton is sure to be gentle when he roams his hands down Virgil’s sides, the poor thing whimpering in need and relief.

“Pat, pl-please, need to be in you so bad!”

“Shhh, soon. Let’s get rid of some more clothing and then you can have me.”

Khakis are flung over to the rest of the clothing pile, boxers a second later, the zipper to skinny jeans followed after some shimmying. “Aww, your boxers match!”

“Patton!”

The galaxy boxers get tugged off and Virgil sighs in relief as Patton gasps in joy, Virgil’s ovipositor was thick and glistening as it waited for a warm place to be buried into. It twitches when a curious hand strokes it causing Virgil to moan, low and animalistic. In a split second decision Patton hops on top of Virgil, sinking down part way before stopping. The natural elasticity of frogs let him stretch around the girth without a problem, the combination of their slick making it even easier as he rose and sank at a quick pace.

“Fuck, fuck, you whore, should have been fucking you for years! You take me better than even Remus and he’s a good slut.” Virgil growls out, hands on Patton’s hips to pull him down with a harsher snap. The mild insult makes Patton unexpectedly more wet, “You like being my whore? Good, then you should know whores stay on their backs!”

With a movement so fast that it should have left them dizzy, Virgil flips their positions, he pounds into Patton at an unrelenting speed until he gets to resistance. “Shit, bet no one has ever fucked you this deep, huh whore. Don’t worry we’ll get used to it soon.” He pushes against the muscles blocking him from his goal for a short time then stops, the process repeats as Patton struggles to figure out if this is painful or pleasing. Just as he thinks that he’s going to have to tap out the pressure inside him gives and Virgil is inside his womb!

“Virgil! Fuck me, breed me, I’m your little whore! Please please, pretty please breed me!” The others could probably hear him but the thought didn’t cross his mind, actually the only thing he can think of is how knows that the pressure he wasn’t sure about is definitely pleasure. His heart jumps into his throat as he feels Virgil’s thumb circle his clitoris, a thrilled croak leaves his mouth followed by a breathy moan. Teeth are on his throat a second later, sucking and biting marking as Virgil plays with him. So much is happening that Patton cums without a chance to say anything.

Virgil bites him hard as he climaxes, “Now you can take all of them.” He purrs into Patton’s ear, venom making the other lax and pliable. The last few inches of his ovipositor pushes in and Patton whimpers, “Oh honey, it’s only going to get better. You’re going to feel so full soon, whore, and then we can have fun pushing them all out.” It sounds like a threat from a predator but it’s really a promise of my pleasure. Patton moans as he feels the first egg press through the ovi and deposit inside his womb, Virgil grins and nuzzles the bite mark.

Half an hour later Patton is the size of a beach ball and Virgil is cooing at the image, “Virgie, c-can you take pictures? I want to remember this for forever.” He can’t see which phone Virgil is using but he hears the click of the camera app. Patton actually liked this, he had always thought that being trans meant that he had to hate everything that came with what body he was made with but maybe he could indulge and still be dad.

[novainthevoid]

Listen you guys… I just… I just need to talk about Logan. I need to talk about my boy…

Because I see a lot of interpretations of him that have him being kind of a dick/not caring about anyone or anything and that’s totally fine! The fun part of fandom is getting to interpret characters in tons of different ways and it makes it so much more interesting. But you guys…

Okay, so the times that I think make ppl see Logan like this come from times where he doesn’t realize how (or the extent that) his words/actions might hurt others. Like in Moving On when he’s trying to get them back to a healthier mindset and he accidentally hurts Patton’s feelings. In these situations, I think that Logan demonstrates low empathy: he has a hard time comprehending how his actions might make other people feel. It’s a pretty common trait in some neurodivergent people and though it’s pretty regularly demonized, it does not mean that someone is a bad person.

I saw a post a long time ago talking about empathy vs sympathy vs compassion and while Logan may have a hard time with empathy I think he genuinely shows a lot of compassion. Logan consistently tries to right his wrongs once he realizes that his actions hurt others: he may not realize that they would hurt beforehand, but once he does realizes he puts in the effort to fix that. He’s one of the most accepting sides and he often notes that all the sides are important parts of Thomas, including the ones that no one else seems to like. And he often puts his knowledge to use in helping others, like in ways to help with anxiety and respect of others boundaries (cough cough Virgil’s name reveal cough cough).

Anyways, tl;dr I love Logan and though he might struggle with empathizing with others, he shows a lot of acceptance and compassion towards others and clearly cares about them in his own way.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Words to Remember

Prompts: Cool idea! So Janus gets hurt in the imagination and he get amnesia and can only remember things before the split when everyone was friends and still family and there were no dark and light sides. So one of the light sides find him and he's like "hey bestie, sup? I'm a bit loopy right now" and the side is like "...what? Why isn't he being like a Disney Villain?" And when Janus sees one of the twins he's like "hey king Romulus! You look a bit different. Love you!" Eventually a family meeting is called and everyone is watching over Janus for a while and reminiscing about how they miss when they didn't hate each other and how they made Janus go from sweet and low-key adorable to the bitter and stressed villain he is. So they spend days with sweet Janus, having wholesome(tm) moments.

Anyways, Janus eventually remembers and is like "Oh shit, my reputation!" And tries to act all cool, evil and suave again, but it doesn't work cause the others are being kind to him and he has a small breakdown, but everything works out in the end for the family. - insanitori

In your story Is It Enough? there was a scene in which Patton asked Roman if he could feel what was wrong with him; I don't fully understand what exactly happened there but it seemed like an extremely interesting concept and I'd love for it to be used in another story, even if it's just in passing somehow? Thank you for your wonderful writing! - anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: janus has temporary amnesia, other than that, fluff all the way down, lads

Pairings: dlampr, can be platonic or romantic i do not care

Word Count: 2326

1. 

When Patton sees Janus in the kitchen in the morning, he doesn’t think too much about it. He simply says ‘good morning’ and walks into the kitchen next to him. He doesn’t think about the fact that Janus isn’t wearing his cape or vest and reaches over to fill the tea kettle.

“Oh, hey Patton.”

“Hi. Do you want tea?”

“Yes, please, that would be great.” He rubs his head. “Are—are you—is it really bright in here or is it just me?”

Patton looks around. “It might be you…I can turn down the lights if you want?”

“Yeah, that’d be great, thanks.”

Patton reaches over and flips the lights. Janus’s shoulders relax and he shakes his head. “Thanks, I don’t know what’s going on. I have a really bad headache for some reason.”

“Oh, are you hurt?” Patton reaches out and almost brushes his forehead before he remembers who he’s talking to. “Oh, sorry, I should’ve asked first.”

Janus gives him a weird look. “You’re good, Patton, I know you’d never hurt me.”

“O-oh, thank…you?” He reaches out and gently lays the back of his hand on Janus’s forehead. “Hmm…you don’t feel like you’re running a fever, I can’t see anything, but…it might be worth taking it easy.”

“Thanks, Patton,” Janus says, accepting the cup of tea, “I know I can always count on you.”

And he smiles.

Patton’s mouth drops open as he watches Janus leave the kitchen.

Huh. That was…weird.

2. 

Logan looks up when someone knocks on his door.

“One moment, please.”

He closes the laptop and stands, opening the door and frowning when he sees Janus there. “Hello?”

“Oh, good, you’re awake.”

“I’m—I’m typically awake at this time,” he says after a pause, “it is 9:00.”

Janus chuckles—chuckles—shakes his head. “I’m supposed to be Deceit, Logan, I know it’s a struggle for you to get up before 10:30, at least.”

What?

“Anyway, I’m not here to rant about our sleeping habits,” Janus says, completely skipping over…whatever that was, “I’ve got this headache that won’t go away and I was wondering if you could have a look?”

Logan blinks. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather just take a painkiller?”

“Well, yeah, but Thomas only trusts you to hold onto those, so…”

Again, what?

“Come in,” Logan says, still trying to figure out what precisely is going on—the headache is starting to make more sense—and going to fetch the first-aid kit, “have a seat.”

When he turns back with the kit in his hands, Janus is looking around in amazement. “Wow. You really did take the whole ‘moving on with our lives thing’ seriously.”

Logan blinks in surprise. “Thank…you?”

Janus gives him a look. “You don’t have to sound so surprised I’m giving you a compliment, Logan.”

“…so that wasn’t a—here,” Logan says, shaking his head and pulling out his desk chair, “let me have a look at your head.”

Janus sits, easily, and takes his hat off. Logan begins to run his fingers carefully through his hair, stopping when Janus hisses.

“There?”

“Yeah, it—it hurts there.”

“Let me have a closer look.” Carefully, he begins to move the hair out of the way. “Oh. Oh, dear, did you fall? Or did something fall on you?”

“I can’t remember, maybe?”

“Well, it looks like you’ve sustained a minor head trauma.”

“Could that be the cause of the headache?”

“I believe so, yes. Here.” Logan snaps one of the ice packs and rubs it to make it cold. “Use this, it’ll help. Do you want a painkiller too?”

“Yeah, that’d be great, Logan, thank you.” Janus smiles again as he takes the ice pack and dutifully swallows the painkillers. “No one could ever replace you.”

Logan stares at him as he walks out of his room.

3. 

“Yeah, what do you want?”

“Virgil? Can I come in?”

Virgil yanks an earbud out of his ear and frowns at the door. “Uh, yeah, sure, what’s up?”

Janus lets himself into the room and smiles at him. “Hey, do you have a sec?”

“…sure, J.”

“Can I sit?”

“Sure?”

Janus walks over and sits down on his bed, pulling his knees up to his chest and letting his head bang against the wall. Virgil winces as his hat jostles with the impact. “Ouch.”

“Yeah, that looks like it hurt. You…okay?”

“Yeah, I mean, my whole head aches from whatever happened to me so that wasn’t really so bad.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up. “What happened to you?”

Janus shrugs. “Dunno. Had a bad headache when I woke up, went to see Logan, he said I hurt my head somehow.”

Oh, is that all? “Are you…good? He check you out?”

“Said it was a bump.” He nudges Virgil’s shoulder. “Why the fifth degree?”

Virgil stares at him. “Because you’re…acting kind of strange, J. I just…wanna make sure you’re okay.”

“Aw, thanks.”

Virgil blinks.

Janus sighs, slumping against his shoulder, “honestly, I, uh, wanted to come see you ‘cause I thought the others were acting weird.”

“The…others were acting weird?”

“Yeah. Patton seemed like he thought I was gonna bite his head off, Logan thought I didn’t like him, I don’t get it. Did…did I miss something?”

A sickening feeling starts to creep into Virgil’s stomach. “J, I’m gonna ask you a stupid question, and I want you to tell me the real answer no matter how tempting it’s gonna be to lie or be sarcastic.”

Janus narrows his eyes. “Okay…?”

“What year is it?”

4. 

You know the worst part about getting used to hearing everyone’s intrusive thoughts? When they’re not there, you get really bored.

So. Here Remus is, chewing on a nail and wishing it was a kraken tentacle and thinking of…boring things. Like what he’s gonna eat for dinner, or when he’s gonna meet up with Roman and go on that maintenance run in the Imagination. Some of the borders are starting to leak again, they’ve gotta go shore them up.

Ugh.

Speaking of Roman, though…

Remus swings down from the chandelier and bounces on the balls of his feet. He should be done with his morning writing project by now, may as well go out and find him. He opens his door and—

“Whoa!”

Remus cackles as Janus leaps away from his door like he’s been scalded with boiling cuttlefish guts. He steadies himself against the wall and gives him a withering look.

“Oh, come on, Snakey,” he manages through the cackles, “it’s not like you shouldn’t expect it by now! You’re lucky you came through here now and not an hour ago, or else you would’ve looked like a porcupine with all the—well, maybe I shouldn’t spoil it in case I want to use that idea again sometime!”

He taps the end of his nose.

“Snakey? What’s up?”

Janus is…staring at him. And not the way he normally does, with that mixture of fondness, disgust, and exasperation. Only sometimes nausea.

No, he’s staring at Remus like he’s never seen him before.

“…Snakey?”

Janus walks forward. Remus takes a small step back when he gets closer, only for Janus to pause, then slowly reach up and ruffle his hair.

“You changed your hair,” he says softly, “I like it.”

Hi, Remus.exe has completely gone off the rails, burst into flame, and been swallowed by a gulper eel and shat out into the black hole in the middle of the Andromeda galaxy. 

Distantly, he hears Janus chuckle. “I hope you’ve recovered by dinner, apparently we’re having pizza tonight. Take care, Romulus.”

 Remus blinks dumbly, slack-jawed at the space where Janus was. He only registered the last word when Janus is long gone.

“What the fuck?”

5. 

Roman walks down the stairs and freezes. Janus looks up from his book on the couch and smiles.

“You changed,” he says, holding out his arm and beckoning a very startled Roman over, “I like this, the red’s a good color.”

“R-really?”

“Yes,” he laughs, running a hand along Roman’s sash, “it looks great. Is it new?”

Roman blinks. “N-no, it’s—I’m—no, it’s not new.”

Janus hums, looking up at him. “You should wear it more often, then.”

Roman narrows his eyes, searching Janus’s expression. He doesn’t…sound like he’s lying, but Roman isn’t exactly the best at telling when he is lying. Janus meets his gaze easily, tilting his head to the side.

“Are you okay, sweetie? You seem…off.”

“No! No, sorry, I—“ Roman swallows— “just…surprised, I think.”

“At what, the fact that I think you look good?” Janus’s eyes widen as heat rushes to Roman’s face. “Whoa, easy, sweetie, your head might explode from being so dang red.”

He pats one of his cheeks.

“Even if red is a good color on you.”

“You’re not helping,” Roman manages to squeak, pulling back a little even as Janus chuckles and reaches for him. “Wh—oh!”

“Hey, hey,” Janus murmurs, catching a gentle hold of his arms and pulling him closer again, “what’s going on? You’re all jumpy, sweetie, what’s wrong?”

Roman would very much like to ask Janus that question, but instead of doing that, his brain decides what are words as Janus begins to rub firmly at the side of his shoulders.

“Are you afraid I’m mad at you, sweetie?”

Roman’s head jerks up. “You’re—you’re not?”

“Oh, sweetie…”

Janus brings him closer, tucking his head under his chin after kissing his forehead.

“No, I’m not mad at you. It’s alright, sweetie, we’re both okay. Is that why you’re so worried right now?”

Roman nods against his neck. Janus lets out a soft noise and lays back against the couch.

“Would you like to stay like this for a while?”

“…please?”

“You know I can’t say no to you.”

+1.

Janus wakes up with a splitting headache.

He groans, reaching up to massage his temples when his gloves catch on the edge of his blanket.

Wait, he went to sleep with his gloves on?

“Janus?”

Is that Logan?

“Yes, it’s me, are you alright?”

He turns and sees Logan’s head rising from the mound of blankets—where are they?

“We’re on the floor of the living room, we all fell asleep halfway through the movie and when we woke up later, we decided we didn’t want to move.”

“Oh.” He blinks. “You…invited me to your movie night?”

Logan nods. “You…well, maybe we should wait until everyone else is awake to explain what happened.”

Janus narrows his eyes. “Why?”

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

He frowns. “…trying to find Roman in the Imagination and getting hit with something.”

“Yes, that would explain it.”

“Explain what?”

“Who’s speaking,” Virgil—wait, Virgil?—mutters from somewhere else, “shut up.”

“You might want to be awake for this, Janus is back.”

“Oh, shit, really?”

“Back,” Janus says sharply, “back from what?”

“Whoa, kiddos, why’re we shouting?”

“I like shouting!”

“Remus, no!”

Well, now everyone’s awake. Wonderful.

“Janus is back,” Virgil says, sitting up and scrubbing a hand over his face, “who wants to explain what happened?”

“Uh,” Patton grunts as he sits up too, “I think he ran into me first.”

And now begins the torment.

They describe how, apparently, Janus lost his memory up to before the Split, and decided to humiliate his present-day self. He baked with Patton, sat and did a crossword with Logan, watched a…documentary series with Virgil? The vulgarity.

He made a Rube Goldberg machine with Remus? Disgusting.

And, apparently, he cuddled with Roman.

Mortifying.

And, to make matters worse, they had a meeting without him and decided to reminisce about when they all got along. How horrifying. And they decided they weren’t going to treat him differently because of it? The preposterous nature of it all.

Roman, apparently, had been able to feel the affection he had for them—how humiliating��and they had acted on it. Apparently, they’d been harboring their own hidden affection for him too. How embarrassing.

The worst part? Now that he’s ‘back,’ as they called it, they’re not going to go back to treating him like a villain. No, they’re going to care for him, treat him like one of the family.

How dreadful.

…he doesn’t want them to stop for anything.

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[tssidesfics]

TSSides Anti-Fairytale AU

I’m not coming for fairytales. They have their place, but as an aromantic person...I do not feel seen. And then I decided to re-watch Enchanted (pirated, of course, because fuck Disney). And then this idea happened. 

Patton was a child-king who married his best friend when forced to, and then she died in childbirth. He’s given Roman everything he could, but he’s lived his life dictated by the advisors who’ve used him as a puppet king his whole rule. He’s miserable because he doesn’t like how the system functions but he thinks he’s chained to tradition.

Roman copes with his complicated relationship with his father by questing and almost dying, like, every other week. Anxious attachment for days. Boy keeps trying very hard to find a princess and can’t seem to figure out why nothing will stick. To which Patton goes “oh. He got it from me. Oops.”

All I know is Remus is aromantic and aplatonic and exactly as chaotic as he should be.

Roman’s birthday. Ball. The classic. He greets all the noble families and he’s seen those losers a bunch before, but this time, he meets a new “girl” with a family he usually hates who intrigues him. He is not a girl and I will not be misgendering him because ew, but, gist: Virgil, transphobic rich parents forcing him to conform to gender roles, absolutely miserable, in Peak Bitch (gender-neutral) form. Roman mistakenly believes he’s cured and talks Virgil up a lot. Convinces himself he’s fallen madly in love.

Problem is, he tells Patton, who’s shocked he found a “girl” but absolutely is on-board, and then goes to the family to ask for Virgil’s hand and there’s no Virgil.

Thus begins the Mulan ripoff but openly trans where Virgil poses as a boy servant at the castle because his parents can’t get into the castle willy-nilly and it’s the safest place to be. Absolutely loathes Roman’s very existence because that dumb bitch flirted with him while he was a girl and therefore VIrgil thinks he is The WorstTM. Then Roman catches him grouching about and decides to solve this by teaching him sword-play, mostly to give him the excuse to beat on a dummy with a sword-shaped stick. 

Meanwhile Roman is just le sigh I did it again. I connected more with a boy than a girl. Why did she have to run away? Now I’m doomed to be weird.

Well then assassins break into the castle and Ever-Paranoid Virgil immediately susses them out as bad news and uses the remnants of the ball to absolutely wreck them when they try to kill Roman and his father while they’re taking a rare opportunity to chat and bond. Patton decides he is Adopting This Child, fuck you, advisors, he’s as thin as a stick, and Virgil now gets to eat with the royal family. 

It’s the first time Patton has ever actually told his advisors to go fuck themselves. It’s the first step toward a positive turnaround and it happened because Patton’s dad instincts took over and nothing in the world is more valid than that, fight me.

Enter genderqueer icon morally neutral witch, Janus, all pronouns, who’s trying to topple the monarchy to enact lasting change and didn’t want to dirty her hands right away, but honestly people are so unreliable. So he gets onto Patton’s crew as a handmaiden and excuse you who gave the king permission to be actually endearing?

Roman feels slightly weird because Patton’s calling Virgil “kiddo” and he’s not calling him his son but he also treats him very similarly as he does to Roman and Remus, which isn’t great but is significantly better than it could be, but Roman’s got a crush. 

Then Janus finds out Virgil’s trans and reveals this. Virgil thinks he’s about to get blackmailed into murdering the only people who have ever cared about him and then Janus just rolls their eyes like “excuse you I’m evil not psychopathic. I can give you a potion to make your body reflect your mind. You in?”

“Great, so my only cure to stop feeling like frozen trash reheated in a forest fire is to accept the highly dangerous bribe of a definitely evil witch! Thanks! I hate it!”

Yes Virgil memes even in a fantasy world where Tumblr doesn’t exist.

Also Virgil and Roman are bonding. A lot. They’re getting very close and Virgil even lets slip that he loves Roman and then tries to fling himself out a window. Roman gets touched, stops him, and tries to kiss him, but Virgil leans away. Roman expresses confusion.

“I...I love you, but I don’t want to kiss you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I don’t either. But I’ve...never wanted to kiss anyone. For any reason.”

“But...you still love me?”

“I do. I’m sorry.”

Roman...doesn’t feel as rejected as he thinks he maybe should? Honestly, it’s not totally a relief, but it’s just kinda...neutral. It’s not even a disappointment. 

Well, Janus is not evil and actually wants to run a kingdom (instating a committee mixed of educated rich fucks and working class receiving education) a whole lot more than Patton, who thinks she’s just...kinda awesome and very misunderstood. There’s a lot of hissing and grumbling that they’re not misunderstood, they’re evil, they don’t even have a tragic backstory, they just kill people to enact the change they want to see, just because they got ditched in a forest as a baby and was raised by a magic snake means nothing. The snake was a very loving and supportive parent.

Roman talks to Patton and Patton is like “fuck marriage rules. Fuck heteronormativity. Fuck my advisors. My kingdom is a haven for the gays. All the gays. Of every color. Come here and be merry and queer.”

Virgil’s just like “yo no reason but in this new world where it’s okay to love whatever gender is it maybe cool to be a boy when the world says you’re a girl?”

Janus draws a knife and glares at Patton and Patton’s just like “even if my partner wasn’t threatening to kill me I’d say it was fine why?”

“No reason.”

“Virgil.”

“What?”

“Is there something you want to share?”

“No.”

“Is there something you need to share?”

“Fuck you.”

“You’re being defensive again, Storm Grouch.”

Virgil sticks his tongue out. “Fine. People used to think I was a girl and I have a stupid body. Happy?”

And Patton learns from Janus the fine art of Validating The Fuck Out Of Gender.

The advisors stage a coop and lock Janus in an anti-magic cage, and then at the same time Virgil’s biological nightmares track him down and steal a spelled green apple from Janus’ shop they give Virgil. You know the drill. Deep sleep like death, yadda yadda.

Well, they immediately claim the body making a big dramatic deal about how they have to bury “her” and they’ll take “her” home to see her off and it’s so tragic, just as they were reunited, when the reality is they have the antidote back home, they’re just looking for control over his life again.

Except Roman goes off. “He is staying here where he--where he will be buried under the name Virgil dressed properly and if you came anywhere near his body I’ll kill you myself.”

Guess what constitutes a totally platonic, non-kiss related act of queerplatonic true love, bitch? Fighting your transphobic partner’s parents over their dead body.

Kingdom’s retaken, sweeping reform while Patton retires to be a stay at home dad to fix his relationship with his kids. Virgil gets formerly adopted. The stepparent is actually a morally neutral genderqueer witch who runs the kingdom fairly and justly, the central love story is trans and aromantic, and my queer ass is something resembling happy.

Logan is probably one of the advisors and the only one with sense who probably starts knocking off his coworkers after the coop because they’re all deeply, deeply stupid. Remus probably spends half the story making friends with a troll he brings in to save the day in the third act.

[toastwithjelly]

⚠️SPOILERS⚠️

So, I’m here to talk about how all of the latest sanders sides and sanders asides episodes all have subtle and not so subtle hints and themes pointing towards something huge coming for the series, and this newest asides episode pretty much confirms it for me. Like, it all started with the selfishness vs selflessness redux with the “43110” that could be pointed back to the orange side. WELL, after this newest episode and Logan’s outburst of rage, I’d like to think that this is Logan trying to get through to them while being enraged about being consistently pushed away and not listened too. So, there is obviously going to be a Logan centric episode coming and possibly feature some more dark side Logan 👀

Secondly, the obvious clue in the end-card of Janus literally taking a bite of the forbidden fruit. Y’all better buckle the fuck up omg

Also, I would like to point out the amount of Roman angst that has gone forever without being talked about in the series (I think Logan has more repressed angst though because Roman did work through a bit of his insecurity in the “learning new things about ourselves” episode”). So, that should be coming soon.

ALSO VIRGIL HASN’T YET SHOWN US HOW HE FEELS ABOUT JANUS NOW BEING ACCEPTED!! OR EVEN JANUS REVEALING HIS NAME!! (Do you think Virgil already knew his name?? Names for the dark sides seem to be different to them then that of light sides because of how big of a deal it was for Janus. And not to mention the amount of times janus has alluded to Virgil not being his real name; yea something is going on there). I feel like Virgil coming to terms with that will be something with a lot of depth and be very dynamic to get through because of two reasons. One is that his enemy is now on the same side as him and that probably doesn’t sit right with him. Virgil associates Janus with evil; he reminds him of himself when he was someone he regrets being. So seeing that person that made him what Virgil likes to say “a bad person” come going the light sides, that might make Virgil think about himself differently. Likewise, Janus is now in the same situation as Virgil once was, so that might contribute to how Virgil sees this situation and comes to terms with it wether that be good (helps him accept Janus) or bad (makes him think worse about himself being a light side).

And now after all of that angst, Patton is now in the middle of it with two different parties to please at the same time.

So that’s all that is on my mind right now and I can’t wait to see where this series goes :).

[ironwoman359]

Perhaps I will be crucified on the fandom mountaintop for this opinion but I don’t...actually think that Janus? Is Self-Preservation? Like, that’s not his trait. Nowhere did anyone in canon say that. What Patton said was that “Deceit is an inner coach that acts with the one intention of self-preservation.” [Can Lying Be Good, 23:53, emphasis mine.]

Self-preservation is not who Janus is, it is his goal. His endgame, his justification for his actions. And it goes beyond preserving the self; for Janus it’s about fowarding the self, and he doesn’t care about the cost of doing so. Sometimes we get so caught up in this fandom with SvS and the fact that Janus was technically right in that arguement that we forget about CLBG. When Thomas was worried that he’d hurt his friend, Janus’s suggestion was to lie to make himself look better. When Thomas didn’t know what to do about the wedding, Janus was pushing for the callback because he views Thomas and his career as the most important thing. And while many of us may agree that the callback was the better decision there, Janus, by nature of who he is, was most inclined to not only go to the callback, but lie about why Thomas was missing the wedding, again, to make Thomas look better.

Sometimes I see people say “Janus is self-preservation, therefore his actions are justified. Everything Janus does is to protect Thomas.” And I know that it’s semantics, but I disagree with that last statement. Virgil is the one who does everything he does to protect Thomas. Janus, meanwhile, is the one who wants to further Thomas’s reputation at every turn. I know that Thomas’s instagram stories are word of god, not canon, but remember how he described Virgil and Janus at the Grand Canyon? 

“Virgil would be telling you to ‘Get back from those cliffs!’ Janus would be telling you to 'Take pictures to make it look like you’re next to the cliff, for clout.’”

In the case of Can Lying Be Good, it was self-preservation because Thomas had already done something, and Janus wanted to preserve his reputation from the hit it could have possibly suffered because of it. But with SvS, Janus wants to go to the wedding to further Thomas’s own agenda. Which, as discussd in Putting Others First, is not always a bad thing! Janus’s actions in POF show how he is a balance to the other sides, Patton in particular. Patton was so wrapped up in what was good and what wasn’t that he was neglecting taking care of Thomas, so Janus stepped in. HOWEVER, when left to his own devices, the steps that Janus is willing to take to “preserve” and further Thomas and his career/reputation are...not great. 

This is not me riding the Janus hate train, I love the snek boi as much as anyone, it’s pointing out what (in my opinion) the whole point of the series is. ANY ONE of the six sides we know, if given total control with no pushback, is very bad for Thomas. We’ve seen how listening to Virgil too much is bad (Taking on Anxiety), listening to Logan OR Roman too much is bad (Logic vs Passion/WDWGOOBITM), Patton's gotten it twice now for different reasons (Growing Up and DWIT), and I think that in our rush to celebrate Janus’s name reveal and “acceptance” arc, we forget that the same is true for him. Again, look at Can Lying Be Good. Janus was 100% wrong there, and in SvS his methods were extremely flawed. If he had allowed an actual discussion to take place, with input from all (especially Logan), they would have probably caught on to the idea that Thomas realized at the beginning of POF...just talk to Leigh and Mary Lee. But doing so goes against Janus’s goals of pushing Thomas and his reputation higher and higher, so for Janus, that idea was not on the table. Too much of his influence, and Thomas got hurt as a result. 

Janus’s ideas and goals are not always bad, and his methods aren’t even always bad, but he needs to be balanced against the others, particularly Logan (who can more easilly determine when Janus’s methods are actually the best course of action) and Patton (who is more in tune with how Thomas feels about certain methods; Janus couldn’t give a care in the world whether or not something is right or wrong, but Thomas cares about that, which is why Patton still needs his voice). 

I’m not going to get in to the whole “Roman laughing at Janus vs. Janus comparing Roman to Remus/manipulating him in CLBG and SvS” thing here, that’s a different type of post altogether in my opinion, I just have been seeing the “Janus is Self-Preservation” thing thrown around a lot, both within that debate and outside of it, and felt like I’d throw my analysis out into the world, for what it’s worth. Janus is not Self-Preservation. He does not “protect” Thomas in the same way that Virgil does. He is Deceit, and the reason he often exercises his function is to preserve and/or further the self, and I think that Patton’s quote above is something that the fandom often misinterprets. 

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

My friend is a big fan of you as well and asked me to request this:

A Janus fic based on the song Monster by Dev https://youtu.be/5iA_oFDNt9E

I think the song could fit him quite well, maybe with the others being like “out of all of us, h i m???”

-🦑

Songfic?? With Janus angst?? My time has come *ascends*

CW: Unsympathetic Light Sides (they're not assholes but they're basically unsupportive, concerned for Reader, and hateful/distrustful of Janus)

...........

Call the doctor, call the doctor Must be something wrong with me He's a monster, why do I want ya Please tell me, please tell me

"What?!! [Y/n] this..this cannot possibly be true!"

"Roman-"

"You could've had any one of the fine gentlemen here...but more importantly me.."

"Roman, just calm-"

"And yet you chose him?! That wretched slimy snake?!" The princely Side pointed rudely at Janus, who was just sitting on the couch beside you. He frowned as he fiddled with the chain of his capelet, finding more interest in that than the uncomfortable conversation currently taking place.

This wasn't even the direction you nor him expected it to take. It was already going south..straight towards hell.

All because Remus couldn't keep his mouth shut and blurted out the revelation that you and Janus were dating.

Ironically, he was the one who confessed to you first--something that you're certain no Side would ever believe.

"There's got to be something wrong with your head." Roman shook his head in dismay, before approaching you. "Come now. We'll find you a true Prince Charming! One that's not a vile fibber like-"

Suddenly you sprang up, moving away from him. "You don't get to choose who I fall in love with. Remus.." You glared at the dark half of creativity. "I'm gonna kick your ass if you don't leave right now."

"Do ya promise~?" He giggled, refusing to acknowledge the seriousness of the situation. "You know I'm into that."

"Let it go, [y/n]." Janus tried to assure you. "They're both bumbling fools."

"A fool?!" Roman gasped. "The only fool here is YOU!! Trying to tempt them with your false promises of love and affection! What do you know about romance?!"

"Apparently more than you." You interrupted, standing by your lover in a defensive manner. "I know this isn't exactly how I planned to tell you but god just calm down for a minute."

You definitely didn't anticipate this kind of freakout from him. You thought he'd be asking about the how's and when's of falling in love, as one would expect from the "romantic expert" of the Sides.

You had a plan to tell all of them individually, but..starting with the guy who was deceived most and openly mocked his name probably wasn't a good idea.

Eventually the two halves of creativity left you both alone. And only then did you sit back down next to the now-dejected Janus, holding his hand. "Sorry you had to hear all that."

"Oh don't worry, it'sss new to me." He muttered, squeezing your hand in turn. "I'm sure Roman will have a tough time realizing he's definitely the most handsome one around here." The smirk he gave made you chuckle.

"Yeah, well..he'll get over it. We got off on the wrong foot with him, but I'm sure the others will be more accepting."

He's a monster He's a monster That boy, he's a motherfucking monster But I love him, yeah I love him Ooh ah, ooh ah ah

"Seriously? That guy?"

"Just hear me out, Virgil-"

"Oh I've heard plenty. I'm just warning you that it's a bad idea." Virgil huffed as he put his phone down. "He's a monster who's gonna use you for some selfish gain. You've seen it. He only cares about himself and hurts people to keep it that way."

"I know you've known him longest but...I'm pretty sure at this point he's moved past all of that." You pointed out. "Honestly, the only one being hurt here is him. First Roman, and now you?"

Despite your arguments, he just didn't seem convinced. "I'm not doing this to give you anxiety...I can only do that to Thomas. And I'm not gonna say "breakup with him right now". I'm just telling you that he's not what he seems."

"I appreciate your worries, but I love him and that's that." You insisted, crossing your arms over your chest as you stood defiant. Obviously it was in his nature to tell you to stay cautious, and he'd probably say the same if you were dating anyone else.

But calling Janus a monster seemed awfully harsh. You haven't even heard him call Remus that, which was odd.

'Seriously why is he being such a prick?'

"..whatever you say." Virgil shrugged before sinking out, leaving you alone by the staircase.

"I wouldn't worry. His opinion of me has never changed."

You realized Janus was eavesdropping and turned to face him, sighing. "Jan, are you doing something that's making them be so... brutally honest? This just seems unusual for them."

"Not that I'm aware of." He had briefly removed his glove, indicating he was tell you the truth.

"Hm..then again, Roman and Virgil are sorta the least-rational ones. One's jealous that he doesn't have a date and the other overthinks a lot."

"Wonderful observations, my dear."

"Patton and Logan are more down-to-earth and clear-headed so they might have more understanding."

"I'm sure they will." Janus' tone didn't match the optimistic words he uttered as he slipped the glove back on. "Oh and..I'll try not eavesdrop anymore."

Little did you know, that would be two lies.

Most people are scared When they look him in the eyes, all they see is fear (but) Let me make this clear I want him near

"How can you look into his eyes and..and.."

"Go on."

"And not be scared?! I know I would be, kiddo."

"...Patton, is that seriously your only argument? That he looks creepy?"

"No, no! I just..." For a moment the fatherly Side paused, before he sighed and patted your shoulder. "Listen, I do think you're being a good influence on that wriggly snake but...I only worry he's being a bad influence on you. Every time he's near you I-"

"It sounds like your only argument is "he's a creepy crawly snake so I shouldn't trust or love him". Is that all?"

"It's...a bit more complicated than-"

"It's a yes or no, Pat."

"...I'm trying to look at the bigger picture and, sure there's some good in him but..I worry he's gonna hurt you in the end, that's all. Like he hurt us several times by impersonating us." He tried to reason, but you just brushed his hand off your shoulder in disbelief.

"Wow, I didn't think you'd be one to judge books by their covers." You frowned slightly. "Well let me make this clear: I want him near me. I feel safe around him. I love him, outward appearances and all. So if you can't accept the way I see him then...we're done here."

With no more defenses, Patton sank out as you left the room. But in the hallway you spotted a familiar capelet vanish around the corner, and you found Janus, who manifested a brown eye contact over his snake eye. His scales almost vanished under his skin, but you called out to him before they could disappear entirely.

"Janus? I thought you weren't going to-"

"I..n-never expected Patton of all people to say that.." He held the side of his face shakily, keeping his head lowered so you didn't see the gradually forming tears. Only now he was starting to feel the impact of everyone's words. "If..it's my looks then...I can surely make adjusssstments.."

"No, sweetheart. You don't have to change your looks or be anyone else for me." You cupped a hand over the one that still covered the scales. "C'mon. You can't seriously believe Patton's dumb reasoning, right?"

"........."

All you got was a silent nod.

Most people can't sleep Feeling he's out, on the streets (but) He is my creep He is my creep

"While I see your relationship to Janus is beneficial-"

"Actually, nevermind. You're just gonna tell me the same shit everyone else did."

"...now [y/n], remember what we've discussed on cognitive distortions-"

"Jumping to conclusions? Overgeneralizing? I know. But I have valid reasons for those. You all think Janus is gonna hurt me because he's some "freaky selfish snake". But he's not, alright? He's been more truthful with me lately and I'm sick of the others not believing anything we say. So please, Logan..can you take my side for once?"

Logan was surprised by your outburst. He didn't even know you've talked to the others about Janus and assumed he'd respond in a similar fashion.

But he adjusted his glasses and looked at his notebook, all traces of emotion vanishing. "Logic can't take sides. If you would just listen..I've observed that your interactions with him have been generally positive, and that's helped Thomas-"

"There you go again..why does everything always gotta lead back to Thomas? Can't you just recognize Janus as his own person without assuming I'm only dating him to help-?"

"Because he can't be distracted from his core function!!"

You jumped a bit as he slammed down the notebook, scowling at you with a slight orange tinge behind his glasses. Though it was quick to disappear as he sighed. "He can never be his own person. You two will never have a truly normal relationship. I only advise that you keep that in the back of your mind."

And just like that, he left.

Every discussion you've had with a "Light" Side only left the bitter taste of frustration in your mouth...

Now what should you-?

You were startled again as you heard a nearby door slam shut, before realizing who overheard this conversation.

"Shit."

Is he human, does it matter I know he's what I'm after I can reel him, from disaster I know

"So..th-that's how they all see me, huh? A monster..n-not even a person."

"Jan.." Joining your boyfriend on the king-sized mattress, decorated in black and gold much like himself, you could finally see those walls he built up now crumbling to pieces.

One way or another, he heard what every Side had to say about him. And it was more than enough for him to realize they not only shun him for simply existing..

But they refuse to accept the idea that he's worthy of love, too. He can take the name-calling and insults in the videos, but this is what truly broke him.

He just scratched at his scales, his human eye already red and raw from crying as he wondered why you went through all of this just for him.

Any sane person would listen to the others and just breakup with him. He wasn't worth the effort.

You clearly deserved better.

You deserved someone who's more handsome, chill, kindhearted, or sensible-

"I know you can't truly be human but..does it matter?"

"...does it?" He sniffled, leaning into your touch more as you ran a hand through his hair. "Because apparently not. I know I'm not a perfect, flawless individual..I-I don't expect any of us to be. But if only I-I never-"

"Jan..you can't focus on what you can't change. I know you feel guilty, and if the others can't see that...it's their own fault. I won't stop fighting for us and for your happiness. I love you, okay?" Turning to him fully, you cupped both sides of his face and looked into his eyes.

"And in case you think I'm lying, I'll say it again: I. Love. You. None of their words will change that."

Hearing you become so determined to love him despite all odds made him sob again, this time from relief, as you put your arms around him.

Nobody's ever taken his side on anything...and certainly never defended him the way you did.

You felt several extra arms manifest to hug you back, and you smiled, closing your eyes.

Maybe in time the others will understand. But while it's true he looked like a monster and had his deceitful ways..

You knew what you were after.

And so did he.

Call the doctor, call the doctor Must be something wrong with me He's a monster, why do I want ya Please tell me, please tell me

[shortprince-cos]

Patton's Normal And Totally Not Angsty Birthday

Summary: Patton was fully expecting to spend his birthday with his stuffed animals and pictures instead of actual people, but his famILY had other secret plans.

Warnings: Crying, being alone for an extended period of time, angst, slight innuendo. Tell me if I need to add anything else!

Pairings: Platonic DRLAMP (all)

{Masterlist}

~~~~~

Patton was fully expecting to spend his birthday with his stuffed animals and pictures instead of actual people.

It wasn't a far-fetched idea, considering what had happened earlier last year. Everyone was still on their toes from the...fight.

It wasn't a fight though! It was more like a...big disagreement. That kind of maybe split everyone apart and left Patton alone...

But it was fine! Everyone just needed some alone time! Even if it had been awhile - a long while - since the incident. They just needed to think about things, and when they were ready, Patton would apologize and they would hopefully accept!

Hopefully...

Patton turned in his bed again, trying to sleep for the umpteenth time that night.

He sighed and eventually sat up, glancing at the clock. It said it was 4:16 in the morning, now it was technically January fifteenth.

Happy birthday to him.

Patton wiped the tears off his face and put on his glasses and his cat hoodie. Well, if it was his birthday, he might as well have a cupcake and make a wish. He'd probably need it, to be fully honest.

Patton meandered through the hallway, glancing at everyone's different colored doors. Everyone was probably asleep.

He remembers when it used to be just three doors in the hallway. Just Morality, Creativity, and Logic. Was it simpler then? Or were they just living in ignorance?

"No one knows you better than yourself, am I right, Tony?"

"I know big words too! Ssssssaxophone-"

"Who knows what'll happen if you don't adopt them, and they need a good home!"

"Anything he darn well pleases!"

...Maybe he was the only one not taking things seriously. They say ignorance is...better to live in, and Patton was basically swimming in it before his wake up call.

"We need actual contributions from you, now and then."

Is that why this happened? Maybe he's been ignorant of all the actual dilemmas this entire time. That's how everything went wrong! He didn't just suddenly not know what to do, he never knew what to do! He just hid it with jokes and puns and silly commentary to 'lighten the mood', but really he was just a distraction from their actual problems.

Patton hugged himself as he stood in the hallway, surrounded by the doors of his friends. Well, if they still wanted to be his friend.

Patton glanced at the dark purple door in the hall, cringing at the memories that came with it.

"Now Anxiety, if you don't want to participate, you can just sit this one out."

"Awww you poor little anxious baby!"

"And what about Anxiety, he always seems to get you down."

Patton swiped his tears away, hurriedly making his way down the hall to the staircase.

Janus didn't have a door here yet; he said he'd rather stay with the others in the hidden side of the mindscape.

Probably because of how awful they all were to him.

"Deceit, standing in the spot of one of my four best friends."

"Um, you're in my spot."

"Because Thomas gave his word, but you wouldn't know anything about words, would'ja mister?"

"I may be amphibian, but I can't say that I am fibbin'!"

God, they were so terrible to him. No wonder he doesn't like being around any of them.

Patton's hands shook as he gripped the banister at the top of the stairs, holding in his silent sobs.

All of this is his fault. He caused the rift in his famILY.

Suddenly he heard voices from downstairs. Wasn't everyone in bed? It was four in the morning, who would be up right now?

Patton wiped the tears off his face for the umpteenth time and took deep breaths, trying to steady himself.

He stalked down the top stairs slowly, trying to listen in onto what the voice was saying.

"Listen," A voice whispered. "I'm just pointing out all the possibilities."

"More like all the negabilities, seeing how all of them are negative." Another snarked.

"Just- does he even wanna see us? We basically ghosted him for months. We didn't even include him on the Nico situation. Why didn't we do that, he's the heart! He's like, the most important side for that!"

Oh. They were talking about him.

Patton debated leaving, going down there, or keep on listening before another voice spoke up.

"I doubt he would not wish to see us. If anything, I believe he would like to talk about what happened."

"Logan, we're talking about Patton here. If we talk, he'll just say he's fine when he's clearly not fine."

"That's not true." One obviously lied.

So all four of them were downstairs talking about him. Wait, isn't there supposed to be five-

"Hi Potty-cakes!" Remus suddenly shouted from behind him.

Patton shrieked in surprise, before almost tumbling down the stairs before someone caught him.

"Pat! Are you okay?!" Virgil said, slowly helping Patton to his feet.

"Y-Yeah, I'm perfect!" He said, plastering his Patton-ted fake smile.

Virgil squinted at him. "Pat, have you been crying?"

Ah. Guess the smile didn't work.

Patton noticed that everyone was crowded around him, including Janus, which meant that lying was out of the question.

"Uh- kinda?" Another smile.

Someone swore under their breath as Logan spoke up. "Patton, what are you doing awake at this hour? Don't you normally get up at seven?"

Patton stood up straightly instead of leaning on Virgil. "Oh, I just woke up and couldn't fall back asleep! What're you guys...?" Patton started as he finally looked around the room, noticing the balloons, streamers, and a banner that they had used for every birthday Patton had had.

"...doing?" He finished.

"Uh-" Roman started. "Well uh- we were kind of...surprising you with a birthday party?" He shrugged nervously.

Patton stood shocked for a moment. They were throwing him a surprise birthday party? Why? Why would they do that- weren't they mad at him? There's no way they would just suddenly not be mad at him! What was happening?!

"Pat, what's wrong?" Janus suddenly asked, putting a gloved hand on Patton's shoulder.

"I'm fine, why?" He answered on instinct.

"Padre, you're crying." Roman explained.

Patton touched his cheek, and sure enough, he was crying. "O-Oh. I guess I am."

Another hand gripped his wrist. "Pop-star, are you okay?" Virgil asked with concern and sincerity in his voice.

Patton immediately started sobbing. "No, no I'm not."

Some tentacles wrapped around him from behind - probably Remus - as a bunch of arms started surrounding him as well, securely trapping him in a hug.

Patton kept crying into someone's shoulder as multiple people kept whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

Eventually, Patton had stopped crying, just enjoying the feeling of a hug - a hug! - surrounding him.

Then, they started pulling away, leaving Patton with traces of warmth left over.

"Patton, are you alright?" Logan asked with concern in his eyes.

Patton rubbed at his eyes again and sniffled. "Y-Yeah. I'm just overwhelmed, I guess. I kinda expected to spend today alone..."

Everyone made a noise of either surprise or concern.

"Patton I..." Roman started, looking at the ground in guilt. "I didn't mean to make you feel alone, I just-" He sighed. "I talked to De-Janus, and he helped me realize that it wasn't like you were trying to make me the bad guy, you were just trying to tell me that Janus wasn't one either. So, I planned a party to apologize to you, and well, I guess the surprise is ruined."

Patton immediately hugged Roman the minute he stopped talking. Roman chuckled, but Patton could hear the tears in his voice.

"I'm- I'm so sorry I-"

"Shh, don't be." Roman comforted. "We all forgive you."

After another minute of hugging, Logan cleared his throat.

"While this moment is very touching and much needed, it is currently almost five in the morning, so I suggest we all take a nap before we get into the festivities."

Everyone made noises of agreement, when Patton interrupted.

"Um- could we-?" Patton started before cutting himself off.

"What's up, Pat?" Virgil asked.

"Uh- I-I just thought that maybe we could..."

"Cuddle on the couch?" Janus finished with a smirk on his face.

Patton nodded with blush on his face.

"Ooo sexy~"

"Remus, I swear to all things princely-" Roman started before the twins started arguing and Logan had to break them up before they could brawl in the living room.

Eventually, everyone on the was cuddled up on the couch and snuggling in one way or another, and Patton couldn't be more content.

~~~~~

Whoo! I finished on time!!!!!!!! I'm so proud of myself for writing this in one day! Though, I think it's a bit rushed, I forgive myself for that tho because it was written in one day lol

Ty for reading! I really enjoyed writing Patton angst again lol!

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Ask to be added or removed!

Reblogs are appreciated!💖

[angelgrace003]

Sanders Sides Theory

howdy tumber… it’s been a minute

i want to apologize in advance this came to me all at once in the middle of 4th period so i rambled all of this in my notes app so…. here 😭

and i would also like to mention that this is my idea entirely and i would like credit if you use it ty <3

also warning for mentions of religion, christianity/catholicism, and depression!

——

so all the sides have their color that represents them correct? and this color is always the accent color to a grayscale color right?

romans sash is red, the rest is white; remus’ sash is green, the rest in black; janus has yellow accents to an otherwise al black outfit; logan has a blue tie, and the rest is black; and patton… we’ll get to that in a minute

now why would logan’s color be black if he’s a light side? not going into the orange side theories because this has been a thing since before he was introduced.

my theory is that it’s because, out of the three “light sides” logan was the least fun for thomas. he’s logic and logic and be boring and hard to understand a lot of the time. i feel like it has less to do with logan being a light or dark side and more to do with the way thomas has viewed him. (that’s kinda the whole idea of this theory so hold on to that)

now patton! his color is light blue right? his shirt is light blue and his cardigan is grey….

ok ok ok hear me out here… why is patrons the only one that’s reversed? with grey as an accent color to his main color? and why grey when everyone else either has white or black?

hear me out here: patton is morality right? so, how do you determine weather or not the tool you use to determine good and bad is good or bad? it’s…. not possible.

so theoretically using this explanation, patton can’t be a light side or a dark side, right?

which leads me to the main idea of this theory: perhaps weather or not the sides are light sides or dark sides have nothing to do with the sides themselves, but everything to do with how thomas views what they represent

there’s backing to this!! let’s start with logan!

logan is a light side bc while yeah logan is logic and that’s something that’s important to listen to (ironic isn’t it) he also represents thomas curiosity, and want to learn! those are things that most people, thomas included, view as good things. therefor logan is a light side!

and roman? he’s thomas creativity! and his hope and dreams and goals and ambitions! all things that are typically considered good things! roman is a light side!

on the flip side there remus. who is loud and vulgar and creative yes, but the less acceptable kind. the kind of creativity that kids are told isn’t ok! especially kids in religious family’s which we knew thomas grew up in. thomas, theoretically, was taught that everything remus represents is bad! therefore remus is a dark side!

and on the note of religion, janus. he literally represents “deceit”. and yes he represents other things such as self preservation and self care, the main thing thomas knows him as is deceit! and what the golden rule that all kids are taught? “lying is bad” right? it’s one of the ten commandments even! "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour" i mean come on! janus is (currently) a dark side! this is also why there is such an argument to be made for janus getting a redemption arch! it would be similar to what happened with virgil.

speaking of virgil… he started as a dark side and then got a redemption arch right? so… why the change of heat? mental illness is widely considered “fake” or “all in your head”, especially in men. men with mental illness often get told yo “man up” or that having a mental illness is “unmanly”. a the religion part fits in here too! in most older families that are christian/catholic, men are considered the “head of the homes” and the leaders. and anxiety? that doesn’t fit into being the strong, protecting, leader that fits into the religious stereotype. therefore, for years thomas was taught that having anxiety was bad and that he needed to hide it or fight it. so for years virgil was a dark side! until thomas realized that he’s not the only one who struggles with anxiety and that there’s nothing wrong with having it! nice thomas stopped trying to hide/fight his anxiety and started working with it instead of against it… virgil got a redemption arch!he became a light side!

and last but certainly not least (trust me this one is the kicker) patton. patton is thomas morality we know that and we now know that that doesn’t play into where patton is as a light or dark side. but you know what else patton represents? thomas inner child, his feelings/emotions, and his memoirs! and all of those things are considered good things! generally… let’s talk about the feelings/emotions part. on the same not that men with mental illness are told to “man up”, men who get emotional are typically told the same thing. this would cause, say it with me: repression. if his emotions, feelings, and similar to virgil (the “two sides of the same coin” anyone?) this WOULD make patton a dark side yeah? but we’ve established that technically bc you can morally align morality, that he technically can’t be either but i digress.

and on the same idea, being sad or angry…. aren’t typically considered good. and, say it was me bc we’re all thinking it: depression. it reasons to me that if c!thomas were to hit low point or develop depression the side that would be the most effected? his emotions. patton. and in the series so far… things are looking great for thomas as of lately…

it seems to me that patton is a light side, only because thomas wants him to be. other then being his inner child… patton hits all the marks to be a dark side but he isn’t. odd isn’t it? maybe that’s the reason for pattons colors being flipped from everyone else’s and his color being the main color, and with his accent color being grey instead of the white it should be if he were a light side.

untimely my theory boils down to this: the light side/dark side separation has nothing to do with the sides themselves. the reason why each of the sides are either light sides or dark sides is because that’s how thomas views what they represent.

thoughts?

[kieraelieson]

Logic Still Needs Comfort

A fic for @im-a-creepy-cookie as a part of @sanderssidesgiftxchange! I did your touch-starved Logan prompt!

Warnings: detailed sensory issues, joking mention of death

Logan disliked being touched.

It had been known for years. They all knew it. Surprise hugs or claps on the shoulder startled him unpleasantly and even made him upset sometimes. Touching his hand to get his attention made him jump and frown. He himself had compared the experience to having a bug or an animal suddenly landing on him.

And so Roman and Patton learned not to touch him aside from the occasional celebratory high-five. Which was fine. Everyone was fine, and happy.

And then came Virgil. And accepting anxiety as a valuable part of Thomas. Which changed things.

••^*^••

“Hey, um… L?”

Logan turned to see Virgil fidgeting but staring at him with an intent look. “Yes?”

“So, um, well you know I told you how Remus is practically a leech, and there wasn’t any getting away from it, but I’m not saying Patton isn’t great! But just Roman is… Roman, and just, but Patton really is great but I kinda don’t want to get turned into a teddy bear, and you’re all calm, and I’m, well, I’m sort of missing the calm and….” Virgil looked down and huffed out an annoyed sigh. “Oh, this is gonna come out awkward any way I say it. Can I sit next to you? I just wanna play on my phone and maybe stick my legs over your lap or something.”

Logan cocked his head to the side just slightly. “You wish to stick your legs over my lap while sitting next to me? That seems like it would involve terrible posture.”

Virgil gave a little breath of a laugh. “Any way I sit involves bad posture.”

“Actually, occasionally when you sit you replicate what is sometimes called the ‘primal squat’ which is reported to be excellent for your posture.”

Virgil gave him a lopsided grin. “Ok, you got me there. Maybe. But anyway, would you mind? It’s totally fine if you don’t want to, I’ll head back to my room.”

Logan considered it carefully. It was true that he did not enjoy touch. But this seemed as if it would be relatively calm, and would not require much, if any, reciprocation on his part. “I do not ‘mind’,” he said, utilizing Virgil’s turn of phrase.

He was currently standing, reading a book he had taken from the bookshelf he was standing in front of, and had not yet decided whether to stay with this book or choose another. He quickly pulled out the other two he’d been considering, and tucked all three books under his arm before seating himself on a couch.

It was a pleasant place, the memory library. Calm and quiet, with almost a heaviness to the air that Logan found enjoyable in a way. It was also rather dim, however, at least in this area, where the memories were older, and Logan found it necessary to summon a side table with a lamp on it so that he would have suitable light for reading.

He’d momentarily forgotten about Virgil until the couch cushion dipped beside him. Virgil pulled off his shoes and glanced at Logan.

“You really don’t mind? I mean, I know it’s kind of invasive to your space. You don’t have to say yes.”

Logan nodded. “I am not opposed.”

Virgil very tentatively put one foot up on Logan’s lap, leaning back against the arm of the couch. Logan felt again that sudden unpleasant ‘something touching me’ feeling, but it passed surprisingly quickly, and by the time Virgil had fully settled himself, laying on his back with his knees up over Logan’s lap and his feet on the other side of Logan, the feeling was gone entirely.

Logan propped his book against Virgil’s knees and began to read.

He was a little surprised, when Patton called for dinner, to find that they had been there for close to two hours, and that the unpleasant feeling had never returned. Instead he was feeling warm, and comfortable, more than he had in quite a while. He attributed this to the couch. And perhaps the warmth was a slight raising of Thomas’s core temperature, due to stress at having Anxiety so close to the old memories. Perhaps they ought to have sat down somewhere a little further away.

Regardless, he was about to comment, as they got up, at how pleasant the experience had been. Except that as soon as they both stood up, he found he was suddenly and extremely unpleasantly cold. This alarmed him, and he left without discussing anything with Virgil, concerned that the warmth and sudden cold was a sign of sickness, perhaps only his own but perhaps a symptom that Thomas was sick as well.

He went straight to the miniature control center he’d set up in one corner of his room, pulling up all of Thomas’s vital signs as well as a recording of where he’d gone that day. But everything was normal.

The cold seemed to be fading somewhat, though it was leaving a concerning ache behind. And it seemed to be concentrated on his thighs and forearms, of all places.

Logan looked through his list of sicknesses, sensible and nonsensical, that he had somehow contracted over his life, and found nothing similar. Still, this must be a sickness of some kind. Most likely a nonsensical one, as he hadn’t noted similar symptoms before. Perhaps he would discover some absurd idiom Thomas had latched onto that was causing him to experience physical repercussions. Something similar to ‘brain freeze’ perhaps.

A soft knock at his door caught Logan’s attention.

“Yes?”

“Logan?” Patton’s voice asked. “Are you alright? Virgil told me what happened. He didn’t realize how much you don’t like being touched, and I think he’d like to apologize, but he’s really worried that you’re upset with him.”

“What—“ Logan had left rather abruptly, and without expressing to Virgil that he’d enjoyed their encounter. It was very possible, with Virgil’s anxiety, that he had misinterpreted Logan’s abrupt departure. “Ah. I see.” He waved a hand to open his door. “I am not in the least upset at Virgil. There seems to be a misunderstanding.”

“Oh, good.” Patton said, concern all over his face. “But you should probably tell Virgil that, and there’s some dinner saved for you yet.”

Logan nodded, the ache in his forearms and thighs rather distracting. “Thank you, Patton.” And then it hit him. If it really were an odd turn of phrase Thomas had attached to, Patton would certainly know it. “Have you happened to notice any interesting phrases recently?”

Patton frowned in confusion, indicating that Logan had changed the subject too rapidly for Patton to keep up. But then he grinned a little. “So today, I saw a baguette in a cage at the zoo!”

And then it was Logan’s turn to be confused for a moment, before he realized. “Ah, I didn’t mean a joke-“

“It was bread in captivity!” Patton smiled brightly, nearly laughing at his own joke.

“Yes, thank you, Patton,” Logan said, allowing the tiniest bit of an amused smile to show.

Even that slight encouragement made Patton beam. “Well, I told Roman that I would watch Disney with him tonight, so I’ll have to go, but don’t forget to talk with Virgil before you eat, and don’t forget to eat either!”

“I won’t forget,” Logan promised, a softer smile showing.

But as soon as Patton left he clapped a hand over his mouth. Why was he so… easily swayed? He prided himself on keeping a straight face, and yet now he’d smiled at Patton’s pun! What was wrong with him?

And now, with Patton leaving the room, it was as if the heat had been sapped. He was again very uncomfortable, aching and cold and he didn’t understand why. Was he perhaps experiencing some strange and extreme form of separation anxiety? It had set in both times as another side had left, though in different ways. But he didn’t feel anxious.

It was all incredibly strange.

But it seemed that Virgil was under a rather upsetting misconception. It could wait. He would speak with Virgil first and then look into this strange sickness further.

Logan crossed the hallway to knock on Virgil’s door.

The door opened almost immediately, Virgil looking as though he’d been waiting on someone to knock, and that Logan had not been the one he’d been expecting, based on the wide eyes and generally startled appearance.

“L, I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have asked if I’d known, I wouldn’t have wanted to make you uncomfortable—“

“Virgil, I assure you, I was perfectly comfortable. I would have expressed discomfort if I needed to.”

Virgil blinked, and the deep black of his eyeshadow faded somewhat. “You aren’t mad?”

“Not at all. I enjoyed the calm company you provided. I left abruptly upon discovering symptoms that indicate possible sickness.”

“Oh.” Virgil was silent a moment, gaze flickering away from Logan as he processed. “Wait, sick? Who’s sick?”

“I may be, though it is odd, and perhaps not a sickness at all.”

“Well, what is it? What’s going on? Are you ok? Is it contagious?”

“I do not know. I am experiencing a strange cold, and aching.”

Virgil’s eyebrows creased in concern. “That doesn’t sound good.”

Logan nodded seriously. “That is why I left, trying to discover what it could be.”

Virgil nodded in an encouraging, ‘go on’ kind of way.

“I haven’t found anything yet, but Patton informed me of the misunderstanding between us and reminded me to eat dinner. I intend to do more research afterwards.”

Virgil nodded. “I could rubber duck for you, if you want. Maybe I could help a bit.”

Logan stared, trying to remember what the phrase was meant to convey before revealing his confusion. He was certain he had it on a flash card somewhere, but he’d left them in his room.

Virgil rather obviously quashed an amused smile. “You tell me what happened, and then we see if we can figure it out together. Repeating the details can help you connect them better sometimes.”

“Ah. Yes. That does seem useful. Thank you.”

Virgil gave him a lopsided grin, pulling up his hood and closing his door behind himself. “So when did you first notice the symptoms?”

Logan explained his symptoms and research to Virgil as they went downstairs and sat down at the table.

“And I still have very little of an idea of why,” Logan admitted. “I believe it possible that it’s another of those idioms that we sometimes experience physically.”

Virgil nodded very slowly. “I actually… might have an idea. I have an experiment I’d like to try, but if I explain it fully it’ll bias you and it probably won’t work.”

“Go ahead,” Logan said, opening the Tupperware container of spaghetti. “What is your experiment?”

Virgil reached one hand across the table. “While you’re eating, give me one hand.”

Logan considered, reaching out to hold Virgil’s hand. “Does this have something to do with checking pulse? You would be able to do that more easily with my wrist than my hand.”

Virgil shook his head. “Just eat, and when you’re done we’ll see how it goes.”

Logan frowned slightly. “Do you believe this has something to do with how recently I’ve eaten? Or that it could be influenced by the focus needed to do something with only one hand?”

Virgil chuckled. “I’ll explain once you’ve eaten.”

Logan was far too curious to wait patiently, and ate quickly, pushing away a not-quite empty container. “What is it?”

“Are you feeling warm again?”

Logan took a moment to assess, and realized that yes. He was feeling warmer. The ache as well was completely gone. “I am. Is it the food?”

Virgil offered a rather sad smile. “Alright, now let go of my hand and tell me what you feel then.”

Logan let go, and almost immediately the cold rushed back. He frowned. “But why? Why do I suddenly seem to have my physical temperature tied to the proximity of you and the other sides?”

His hand ached, and he held Virgil’s again, relieved, but utterly confused when the unpleasant feelings faded.

“I’ve had something like this,” Virgil said. “But not quite the same as yours, based on what Patton was saying. I think you’re probably touch starved.”

Logan considered this silently.

“But I don’t like being touched.”

Virgil gave his hand a slight squeeze. “You don’t seem to mind this.”

Logan nodded, very slowly. “You’re right. I… I don’t mind this at all.”

“I think we should talk to the others,” Virgil suggested.

Logan nodded slowly. “I suppose so.”

••^*^••

“You’re what?!” Patton practically wailed, throwing himself at Logan in a hug.

Immediately Logan felt like he wanted to crawl out his skin. This was miserable. In no way what he wanted. It didn’t feel right at all. It was like a whole hive of insects were buzzing just below his skin.

He pushed Patton off of him, more roughly than he would have intended. “Get off!”

Patton stopped immediately, staring in confusion and hurt.

Logan couldn’t handle it. He was freezing, and his skin was crawling, and his mind seemed filled with static. It was terrible. He just couldn’t.

He barely understood the words directed at him from the other sides as he sank out.

He locked his door and shuddered, hands repeatedly making and releasing fists. He shuddered again, trying to dislodge the crawling feeling. It didn’t leave.

He’d been right, he didn’t like touch. Not at all.

He got into the shower, running the water hot and scrubbing the disgusting feeling away. It helped warm him up as well, which felt way better. He bundled into his bed, pulling the weighted blanket that had been a gift from Virgil over himself.

A while later, finally calm and comfortable, he conjured a note to stick on the door.

I am not upset, but please leave me alone.

••^*^••

Logan spent the next several days figuratively buried in research. He investigated touch starvation as well as touch aversion, and a host of other possible clues to his situation.

He also gradually became more uncomfortable, holed up in his room.

He came to the conclusion that he did, in fact, have a kind of touch starvation, awakened to a roaring hunger by that pleasant afternoon sitting with Virgil.

But he also certainly had an aversion to being touched in certain ways. And he suspected, looking into it more, that surprise was a large factor, as well as the amount of him that was being touched, and perhaps the way in which he was touched.

He was basing this largely on his own reactions to Virgil’s method of touching, as compared to Patton’s or Roman’s, since he highly doubted that it was something inherent in them that he was averse to.

Finally his findings were all put together into one detailed, though as of yet hypothetical, presentation. Armed with this, and a determination not to touch anyone until he’d presented his findings, he opened the door to his room.

As he’d suspected, there was something attached to his door that made a noise as it was opened, and he was soon nearly mobbed with the other sides. They didn’t touch, or come too near, or say anything, but all came very quickly to stare at him, worry in every gaze.

He raised his folder. “I have a presentation. Please gather in the living room.”

It didn’t take long. Not at all.

Logan opened the folder and set it on top of the tv, so that the images could be seen.

“I believe Virgil was correct in suggesting that I have a degree of touch starvation.” He flipped through a few pages, supporting this statement with both facts and personal experiences.

He paused. This was the part that was likely to hurt feelings. Even he knew it, and he wasn’t usually adept at understanding feelings. But it was necessary.

“However, in satisfying this hunger, I will need to be ‘picky’. I have boundaries outlined in this section, and I need to keep them rigidly. This will mean that I will not be open to surprise touch, and likely not to hugs either. I would like to have support from each of you, support in accordance with what I’m capable of handling.”

“Absolutely, Logan,” Patton said. “I’d really like to be able to help you in the right way.”

Both Roman and Virgil nodded very solemnly and enthusiastically.

Logan smiled, more moved by this expression of support than he’d expected to be. “Thank you, Patton. And thank you two as well. I will be very much in need of your assistance.”

He cleared his throat, more in an attempt to gather himself together than any really obstruction. “I’ve laid out a number of methods of touch that I believe would be helpful to me, and arranged them by likelihood of success, and also divided by which I believe each of you would be more inclined to enjoy yourselves.”

••^*^••

Logan was seated on his bed, organizing and updating his flashcards, when there was a knock at the door.

“Come in.”

“Hey,” Roman said, peeking in rather shyly. “Um, can we try one of those things now? I brought something to do.”

Logan considered, a slight curl of worry in his stomach. “Yes. I believe now would be a good time.”

Roman fully entered the room. “So I can sit behind you, and do my thing, and I won’t bother you while you do yours.”

Logan smiled slightly. “That sounds pleasant.”

Roman grinned, a bit of pride evident in his expression. He sat behind Logan on the bed, facing away from him, and leaned back slightly, so that they were each leaning against the other.

For about thirty seconds, Logan was uncomfortable, but gradually, warmth spread out through his body, and his mind was able to return its focus to his flashcards, and soon he found he was quite comfortable.

“Hey, specs, what do you call a little tiny shovel? Like the ones for kids. Or I guess not for kids, or not all the time.”

“That would be called a trowel, though perhaps a more recognizable, less correct term would be a spade.”

“Thanks!”

Logan could hear the smile in Roman’s voice, and smiled himself. This was genuinely pleasant.

Even after he had finished with his flashcards, Logan didn’t move. He just soaked in the wonderful warmth, answering whatever questions Roman had, and occasionally listening as Roman gushed about a particular sentence or paragraph he was especially proud of writing.

••^*^••

Logan walked beside Patton, enjoying the false nature of the imagination. He was familiar with much of the flora and fauna, even a decent portion of those entirely invented within Thomas’s mind. And Patton seemed to enjoy Logan’s rambling as much as Logan enjoyed the rambling.

A hand bumped gently against his, and Logan hesitated a moment, before linking his pinky finger with Patton’s.

Patton’s smile grew even brighter. “And you were saying the seeds of that tree are special? What kind of special are they?”

Logan smiled proudly, launching into an explanation. Patton swung their hands back and forth gently as they walked, and Logan felt something within him fill up. He felt pleasantly full, as if there was a cup inside him that had been long empty, and was now trickling over the rim, full enough to even spill.

••^*^••

Logan and Virgil laid out on the roof, looking up at the night sky. They were side by side, with Logan’s left leg tangled up with Virgil’s right.

It was calm. And warm. And peaceful.

In a reverse of the usual pattern, Virgil was the one telling the myth, this time of people who had lifted up the sky.

Logan felt himself drifting off, more comfortable than he could remember being in a very long time. He was figuratively floating on soft, warm clouds. Drifting into a summer night. He was safe, and content. Comfortable.

••^*^••

“Patton,” Logan said slowly.

“Hmm?”

“I would like to attempt a hug.”

Patton turned all his attention to Logan. “You sure?”

Logan nodded. “Yes. Just— slowly. And gently.”

Patton nodded solemnly, reaching his arms out.

Logan slowly leaned into the embrace, and Patton gently wrapped his arms around him.

And it wasn’t bad.

Logan hugged Patton, squeezing lightly before letting go. “Thank you.”

Patton’s eyes were all shimmery, and his smile wobbled. “You’re welcome, Logan!”

••^*^••

The door burst open dramatically and Roman ran in, flopping over the arm of the couch and letting out an even more dramatic groan. Then he peeked his eyes open, and moved to just as dramatically flop onto Logan’s lap.

“I fought dragons.” He announced, his voice a whisper as if he were inches away from death.

Logan, for once, was hit with a burst of mischievousness, and patted Roman’s face in an intentionally awkward way. “I will be sure to mention it at your funeral. I’m sure you’ve written an extensive ballad, and I’ll force Virgil to sing it in your honor.”

Roman had a sudden grin before resuming his ‘dying of exhaustion and probably wounds’ act. “Make sure you do,” he croaked out. “And have Patton put flowers in my casket.”

“Of course.”

Roman went limp, closing his eyes and sticking his tongue out.

“Patton!” Logan called. “We’re going to have to put on a funeral.”

“A what?!”

••^*^••

Logan leaned against Virgil’s side, his empty cup of coffee set beside him, as the second movie began to wrap up.

“If they start another movie, you can lay in my lap and go to sleep,” Virgil offered quietly.

Logan, who despite the coffee was beginning to nod, hummed an affirmative.

He was woken up a good deal later by a lack of sound, and found that they’d just finished what might have been the third, but could’ve been the fourth or fifth movie of the night. He was laying on a pillow in Virgil’s lap, and his legs were up in Roman’s lap. And judging by Patton’s smile, pictures had been taken.

“We’re finishing up now,” Patton whispered. “And setting up to sleep out here. Do you want to stay in here or go to your own room?”

Logan yawned. “It will be far better for my posture to go to my own room… but if you were to turn on a sound machine… I would not be opposed to remaining here.”

Soon, something between white noise and rain lulled him back to sleep.

••^*^••

They all found a marked improvement, both in Logan’s mood and even in Thomas’s clarity of mind, as they continued experimenting with touch.

It was discovered that Roman, while not starved, was also touch-hungry, and was practically a giant dog in that he would accept any and all kinds of petting.

And as Logan regulated, he found he was even more ready to give touch than to receive it. Roman flopping onto him after ‘terrible and glorious battles’ became a regular occurrence, often ending with Roman falling asleep, Logan gently scritching at his scalp.

Walks with Patton became something they both greatly enjoyed and looked forward to. Sometimes they could only link pinkies, sometimes holding hands, sometimes even walking arm in arm.

And Virgil was always ready to do something of his own near Logan, a limb draped over him or pressed up against him.

Logan found himself repeatedly thinking back to that one afternoon in the memory library, incredibly grateful that Virgil had asked, and that he had said yes. He could see so much in his life that was better now.

And he was really, truly happy.

[novainthevoid]

I posted 1,630 times in 2022

That's 1,495 more posts than 2021!

87 posts created (5%)

1,543 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@parspicle

@loganofthenorth

@ohgodallthefandoms-backup

@why-is-everyone-pretty

I tagged 973 of my posts in 2022

Only 40% of my posts had no tags

#sanders sides - 219 posts

#utmv - 173 posts

#logan sanders - 168 posts

#ink sans - 148 posts

#nova speaks - 57 posts

#janus sanders - 51 posts

#virgil sanders - 48 posts

#dream sans - 41 posts

#error sans - 40 posts

#incorrect quotes - 38 posts

Longest Tag: 124 characters

#i see a discourse post about a blorbo and my knee jerk reaction is that one meme where the person holds another protectively

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

The dawning realization that Mei and her friends would be in their 30s right now.

85 notes - Posted March 17, 2022

#4

Y’all I was rewatching some sanders sides videos (most notably the puppets one) and like… have y’all noticed how Virgil and Logan check up on each other? Like the whole “only if you want to” thing is so sweet?? Like they’re acknowledging and being kind about each other’s boundaries and it’s just very sweet I love them.

101 notes - Posted February 15, 2022

#3

Listen you guys. I love space Logan. I really do. But there are also so many other nerd things he could be. A chemical engineer, for example. It’s right there! We already know how he felt about chemical engineering vs theater and like all I’m saying is just. Chemical engineer logan.

Or if that’s not your thing, other kinds of engineer Logan! Biologist logan! Chemist logan! All I’m saying is I think we limit ourselves sometimes. My boy is so versatile. He can be into so many things. None science-y things as well. Librarian logan. Author logan. Detective logan. Absolutely deranged mad scientist logan. I love him.

118 notes - Posted May 8, 2022

#2

SGE SPOILERS

Not to be discourse on main or anything but the school for good and evil isn’t queer baiting because Agatha and Sophie don’t get to together, it’s queer baiting because of the way they’re literally revealed to be sisters in the third fucking book after ALL the stuff they’ve been through and done for one another. Idk I’m a big proponent for strong platonic relationships but god they came across as not only queercoded but in some way queer with one another.

Edit: y’all should check out my reblog of this post for a more in-depth explanation

119 notes - Posted October 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Listen you guys… I just… I just need to talk about Logan. I need to talk about my boy…

Because I see a lot of interpretations of him that have him being kind of a dick/not caring about anyone or anything and that’s totally fine! The fun part of fandom is getting to interpret characters in tons of different ways and it makes it so much more interesting. But you guys…

Okay, so the times that I think make ppl see Logan like this come from times where he doesn’t realize how (or the extent that) his words/actions might hurt others. Like in Moving On when he’s trying to get them back to a healthier mindset and he accidentally hurts Patton’s feelings. In these situations, I think that Logan demonstrates low empathy: he has a hard time comprehending how his actions might make other people feel. It’s a pretty common trait in some neurodivergent people and though it’s pretty regularly demonized, it does not mean that someone is a bad person.

I saw a post a long time ago talking about empathy vs sympathy vs compassion and while Logan may have a hard time with empathy I think he genuinely shows a lot of compassion. Logan consistently tries to right his wrongs once he realizes that his actions hurt others: he may not realize that they would hurt beforehand, but once he does realizes he puts in the effort to fix that. He’s one of the most accepting sides and he often notes that all the sides are important parts of Thomas, including the ones that no one else seems to like. And he often puts his knowledge to use in helping others, like in ways to help with anxiety and respect of others boundaries (cough cough Virgil’s name reveal cough cough).

Anyways, tl;dr I love Logan and though he might struggle with empathizing with others, he shows a lot of acceptance and compassion towards others and clearly cares about them in his own way.

485 notes - Posted March 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Words, Words, Words

Prompt: Hey, prompt idea! I would love some roman angst where after POF he stops talking and the other assume that he's mad at them when in reality he is unable to speak. As a selective mute myself, I would love to read a fic like this! - anon

it's been a while since I've posted fresh Roman angst and WOW did this jump out at me and go hey do you wanna project really really hard onto a character? 

Read on Ao3

Warnings: Roman is nonverbal for a lot of this story and some of the things he does when he’s upset by that are self-destructive, nothing explicit

Pairings: the found family kick aint stopping

Word Count: 4128

He didn’t do it on purpose. He swears, he—he didn’t do it on purpose.

  He just couldn’t talk.

It—it hurt, of…of course, it hurt to—to see the fallout of his bad decision explode with such…disastrous consequences. It hurt to see Patton so upset and confused because everyone was expecting him to have answers that he didn’t and—and Roman will take the blame for that, that’s his fault. And it hurt to see Logan so upset even when he was just there in his lowdowns and he—he didn’t have to be so cruel to Logan, that’s his fault too. And it—

  …it hurt to see that he really is just as awful as Remus, even if J—

  No. It doesn’t matter.

  Roman messed up. Really, really bad. And he’ll take the blame for that, he will, he—he knows he hasn’t been the best at accepting the blame in the past, but…he’ll take this one.

  But he didn’t do this on purpose.

  Roman doesn’t know whether it’s because he’s Creativity, or whether he’s the Ego, or what, but sometimes he just…can’t speak. Sometimes his words machine will just…stop working and he won’t be able to speak. He can normally still write or text, and he can understand when others talk, he just can’t say anything.

  The others don’t know, at least he’s never told them. He doesn’t want to be a bother—or have them start to make fun of him when he can’t defend himself—so he normally makes his writing days the ones where he can’t speak out loud. It’s a good way to make sure no one’s worried about why he’s shut up in his room all day or why he’s not speaking much at dinner. Plus, what kind of a prince would he be if he couldn’t talk?

  Don’t worry, he knows he’s not a prince.

  But the others like Prince Roman. Or rather, they like the narrative function that Prince Roman fulfills. So he does his best to make sure they…get that.

  But he didn’t mean for it to happen, not like this.

  He…he knows he messed up after the wedding. He sunk out and made it to his room and fell to his knees, hurt from everything and then some. The bruises hadn’t shown through his costume or gotten too far down his sleeves, but he—he still felt them. He tried to get up and make it to the shower to just wash off the day—the week—the month but getting his arms up to peel away the costume left him panting and he just wanted to curl up and sleep until everything stopped hurting.

  He managed to get himself into the shower and felt his tongue become lead in his mouth.

  He cleared his throat to try and make a noise but all that escaped was a soft rush of air.

  It…hurt.

  It wasn’t gone by morning. Most of the time he can sleep it off or—or if he just gives it some time he’ll—he’ll be fine but it wasn’t gone. His tongue lay there, useless, and he couldn’t say a word.

  That was okay, though, he could—he could make this a writing day. He wouldn’t dare touch anything he wanted to make for Thomas, his hands would shake too much and he—he doesn’t know what Thomas wants anymore so he wouldn’t get it right even if he could try.

  No, no, he could…he could write things for him today.

  Not as a reward for his atrocious behavior, not anything that would be read by anyone else or be useful in any way, but just to…to get some of the worst bits of him out so he wasn’t absolutely abominable when the others wanted him again. Yes, today he could…write.

  ‘Writing,’ what an interesting word for being willing to sit and bleed for others to see.

  Roman’s words don’t so much as pour out of him as much as he sets his fingers on his keys and then can’t control his typing. He just—it hurt and he knows that no one else would want to hear about his hurt so he pours them out into the blank spaces in the white page and tries to imagine that maybe, maybe, someone would read them and see how badly it hurt and pull him close and tell him that everything would be okay.

  If maybe, if he wrote a story good enough, if he made it hurt enough, someone would care.

  He sits there and pours into the blank document until it’s panting and weary from the torrent of words, until his hands ache and the tips of his fingers are worn warm and raw from the click-click-click of the keys. Until the hurt he feels gathers up into a small, dark well just under his tongue, right in the bottom of his jaw, itching and screaming to get out. It leaks out down his arms, making the inside of his wrists tingle as he types.

  No one will read this, no one will see it. These words won’t see the light of day anytime soon.

  And Roman’s tongue is still made of lead.

  He takes his words and lets them tumble clumsily out of his hands, trying in vain to scoop them up and shove them out of his mouth instead but his tongue won’t cooperate. He knows he can’t talk, that he can’t force it, that trying to make it happen will only lead to more pain.

  But he wants to try.

  When his words aren’t back by the next day, he swallows what’s left of his pride, which isn’t much, and goes out to face the others.

  He finds Patton first. Patton doesn’t acknowledge him, so he sits politely down on the couch with a notebook and waits, trying to see if his words will come out through the pen instead of his tongue. But Patton doesn’t talk to him unless he’s asking if Roman wants a drink and well, Roman doesn’t—doesn’t need words for that.

  Patton looks so disappointed in him.

  He wants to try. He wants to open his mouth and tell Patton he’s sorry. Sorry for everything. He wants to. He wants to.

  He opens his mouth and his tongue deflates, useless, just enough for him to sigh and hunch his shoulders in defeat.

  He doesn’t want to disappoint Patton, he wasn’t trying to disappoint Patton, he wants to apologize and be better, but he can’t.

  Perhaps that is the true disappointment.

  Logan is next to appear because Logan is Logan and Roman loves him and Logan always gets his cup of coffee in the morning before breakfast. He walks down the stairs and also does not look at Roman which is fine because that is what Roman deserves but he wants to try.

  He opens his mouth to call out to Logan or Patton but his tongue is so heavy and he can’t. He can’t speak. He should be able to speak, he should be able to say something to Logan, he should be able to tell him how sorry he is but he can’t and he’s useless.

  His pen stands frozen on the notebook pages, leaving a big, dark, useless well of ink.

  Logan sits down on the couch with a book and his coffee. He doesn’t look up at Roman. Roman stares at him, pleading, hoping that Logan will look up and meet his gaze, and maybe, just maybe, he can see how sorry Roman is and it will—something will be better.

  “Don’t stare at me, Roman, it’s rude.”

  Roman’s cheeks burn as he looks away. Logan didn’t move his eyes from the book once.

  He picks up the pen and watches it drip onto the page. The pages are wet, now, so much so that when he tries to pull them apart they stick together, the lines threatening to tear as he tries to separate them.

  He leaves them be.

  The next few hours are spent in a loop of trying to open his mouth to say something and only a soft rush of air escaping. He tries to hold it behind his hand and say please, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so awful, I’ll be better, I promise, but the words won’t come. His tongue is taunting him, he decides, by pressing insistently up against the back of his teeth until he has to open his mouth only for it to refuse to produce words.

  He wants Logan to explain to him that talking works for him too. That the vocal chords and the muscles of the throat moving together build up pressure behind the larynx, which then chops up the stream of air to produce a steady oscillation for a sustained sound. He wants Logan to say it in that voice of his that makes it so everything makes sense so of course, Roman, you can speak, it’s okay. Everything is okay.

  But Logan would never say that, not to Roman, because Roman’s words aren’t worth Logan’s time.

  When Virgil comes downstairs, he tries. He really tries. He opens his mouth and everything and takes a deep breath and—

  Virgil marches straight over to Logan and sits down, his head on Logan’s shoulder and the two of them could not be paying any less attention to Roman.

  The wind gets knocked out of him. His mouth falters closed. He tries to open it away but his jaws are stiff and gummy, his teeth aching in his mouth as he tries to just talk. He just wants to say something, he just wants to apologize, he just waits to be sorry and have them all know he’s sorry, he’s so sorry, but they won’t know because he doesn’t have words.

  The words he wants to say are queuing up at the back of his throat, weighing his mouth down and he wants to say them, but he—he—he can’t. He wants to tell Virgil that he’s sorry he’s been the worst friend ever, that he’s sorry he’s so awful to their famILY, that he’ll go away and leave them all alone if that’s what they want but he can’t say a damn word of it out loud and he’s going to cry.

  But he can’t because crying isn’t words and the only thing the others want from him is words.

  If Virgil notices him trying, which he probably doesn’t, he’s kind enough not to say anything.

  Roman is terrified when Remus comes.

  Because Remus is loud and loves nothing more than to make Roman’s life harder. If Remus knew he was nonverbal right now, his best bet would be to leave as quickly as possible because he—

  Wait, no.

  If Roman wanted it to be best for him, he would leave as fast as possible. But Roman doesn’t know anything anymore so he doesn’t move.

  Remus, as it turns out, doesn’t care about Roman—which, why would he?—and instead flops proudly onto the floor and begins to talk animatedly with Logan about something.

  Roman wants to say sorry. Sorry that he’s never done anything right when it comes to Remus, sorry that he thinks being compared to him is the worst thing possible, sorry that he’s Roman and Remus is stuck with him.

  But his tongue is lifeless.

  So he is quiet, flipping aimlessly through his notebook, looking for something to give his words back.

  Was he selfish yesterday? Did he use all of them up on something no one would ever see? No, no, that’s not how it works, he just—he knows he should be able to talk, maybe if he just waits a little longer, his words will come back.

  But then Janus appears.

  And Roman needs to be able to talk now.

  Because he needs to tell Janus that he’s sorry. That he messed everything up and he’s awful and he knows it and he’s so, so, so sorry. And he needs to know that it isn’t a lie, that Roman is genuinely sorry and he just needs to speak, if he could just open his mouth and say something and say that he’s sorry and—and—

  Janus stops and looks right at him.

  Roman’s breath catches in his throat.

  Janus’s eyes narrow.

  Please, please, I’m sorry, let me say I’m sorry, I can’t speak, I want to speak, let me speak—

  Janus’s face cools into stone and he deliberately turns away.

  Roman wants to scream.

  He scrambles away from the living room and his hands fly to his hair, squeezing, pulling, trying to rip the sound from his throat because it won’t come otherwise. Trying to reach deep inside and find something, some word, some sound, some thing just to make it so he can talk, say he’s sorry, say anything.

  The computer screen blinks mockingly at him. Come on, it taunts, where was this agony when you were pouring your words out onto me yesterday? Why do you ache so badly now when you know you can’t do anything about it? Is it worth it?

  Nothing will ever be worth this. To have them there, right in front of him, and not be able to tell them how sorry he is.

  A silent scream is the best he can do.

  It doesn’t stop. His tongue doesn’t flicker back to life. Even after two days, three days, four, he still can’t manage to speak. He can’t manage to open his mouth and make a single word come out. He tries. He sits down in front of the computer and glares at the screen, forcing his mouth to make the shapes and forcing his vocal chords to make the sounds.

  He never gets further than a single word.

  He rushes, slurs, cheats in any way he can, and doesn’t even manage to get to the end of a sentence.

  He’s panting, in tears, trying, trying, trying so hard to say something, anything, because if he can say one thing, he can say more, and if he can say more, he can tell them how sorry he is.

  Roman would gladly give up all the words he doesn’t have to be able to say ‘sorry’ again.

  (Logan, downstairs, glances up from his book.

  Virgil is sprawled next to him on the couch, his head resting against Logan’s thigh. Patton is sitting on the other end, Virgil’s legs in his lap as he talks to Janus. Janus sits in the chair, his own book forgotten on his lap. Well, almost forgotten as he tugs it out of Remus’s grasp as he makes…something on the floor.

  “It’s been quiet recently,” he remarks to himself, “almost…peaceful.”

  Virgil shifts. “Yeah, I know. I kinda like it.”

  “So do I.” He glances down and, after a moment of hesitation, slides his hand into Virgil’s hair. “Is this alright?”

  “Yeah, L, that’s fine.”

  “Aww, you two are cute.” Patton grins at them. “It’s been nice lately, hasn’t it?”

  “Mm.” Janus tugs the book out of Remus’s reach again. “Remus, I certainly understand what you want with my book.”

  “Art, Janny.”

  Janus rolls his eyes fondly but his gaze softens as he takes in the room. It has been quiet. A good kind of quiet.

  He doesn’t know it didn’t happen on purpose.

  That Roman isn’t being quiet on purpose.

  He didn’t do it on purpose.

  Because when has anything Roman’s done on purpose been right?)

——————————————

Thomas sighs, his hands on his hips, as Patton and Logan begin to bicker for the third time in the past ten minutes. Across from him, Virgil is fidgeting uncomfortably as his gaze flicks back and forth between Janus and Thomas.

  “Guys, are you really not going to do anything about this?”

  “Oh, yes, because that’s how we solve every problem, just make me deal with it.”

  “Okay, first of all, I said you guys meaning you and Thomas, second—“

  “Oh, here we go, another lecture, oh goodie.”

  “That is not what I’m doing—“

  And now Virgil and Janus are fighting too. Thomas resists the urge to bury his face in his hands. Barely. Just barely. He shakes his head. The Sides aren’t normally this hard to manage, typically it’s just a matter of everyone actually understanding what’s going on and then one of them will propose a solution and they’ll all wrangle it around from angle to angle until he finally gets a workable one.

  Not this time.

  He’s not sure why nothing’s working, but everything that’s been proposed just sounds like another problem, not a solution. Why coming up with ideas is so hard today, he doesn’t—

  Wait.

  Has…has Roman said anything today?

  Thomas glances at Roman. Roman stands where he always does, watching the others with a strangely blank look on his face. Thomas frowns. Roman…Roman doesn’t look great. He looks paler than usual, his face is a little poofy.

  “Roman?”

  Roman looks at him, his brow quirked.

  “Do you…have any ideas?”

  Roman’s face falls and he swallows. Thomas’s frown deepens when Roman shakes his head sadly.

  “Hey, wait,” Virgil says, turning to face him, “Thomas is right. You haven’t said anything all meeting.”

  “You have been remarkably quiet. Especially for you.” Logan adjusts his glasses. “Have you not come up with a single idea?”

  “Okay, guys, wait—“ Thomas tries.

  “No wonder we aren’t making any progress,” Virgil cries, throwing up his hands, “it’s because the guy whose job it is to come up with ideas isn’t doing anything!”

  “That…would explain it.”

  “Come on, kiddo,” Patton says, looking at Roman, “you must have something.”

  Roman just shakes his head again.

  “Of course he doesn’t want to share it with us,” Virgil growls, “he’s probably waiting for us to figure it out for him because he’s still mad.”

  Patton sighs, shaking his head and putting his hands on his hips. Even Thomas wants to flush from the disappointment in his voice. “I understand being mad at us, kiddo—I’m not happy about it, but I understand it—but taking it out on Thomas? That’s really selfish of you.”

  Roman flinches, his hand going to his chest. Janus rolls his eyes.

  “Oh, Roman doesn’t know what that word means, remember? He’s all about selflessness, not selfishness, no, not a single selfish bone in his body, Roman.”

  Virgil snorts.

  “I am also disappointed,” Logan sighs, “but not surprised. But seriously, Roman, I think this temper tantrum of yours has gone on long enough.”

  “Watch out, he’s gonna say it’s not a temper tantrum.”

  Is…is this how they are to Roman all the time? Thomas stares at the other Sides in confusion. Has he just never noticed how mean they are to each other before? Or is this…new? He looks back at Roman and opens his mouth to say something when he notices Roman’s hand is still on his chest.

  And…moving.

  His thumb is tucked against the top of his fist and Thomas watches as it circles once, twice, and stops. Once, twice, and stops.

  “Roman,” he says softly, cutting through the growing voices of the others, “Roman, why are you sorry?”

  “What?”

  “Thomas, what’re you—“

  “That—this—“ Thomas makes the sign himself—“that’s the ASL for ‘sorry.’ Remember?”

  Logan looks back at Roman who does it again. “So it is. But—Roman, why are you communicating using ASL, which none of us are fluent in? Most of us aren’t fluent in, my apologies, Janus—“ Janus waves him off— “why not just say that you’re sorry?”

  “Roman,” Thomas asks, still quiet, “can you speak?”

  They all watch in silence as Roman slowly shakes his head.

  “What do you mean you can’t speak?”

  “Probably just that, Virgil.” Logan adjusts his glasses.

  Thomas spares him a glance before refocusing on Roman. “Are you okay, buddy?”

  Roman looks at the ground. Virgil watches him for a moment before leaning to Logan.

  “I’m gonna guess that’s a ‘no.’”

  “How long has this been happening?”

  “Yes or no questions, guys,” Thomas reminds, “and…not too many.”

  “Right.” Logan takes a breath and when he speaks again, Thomas furrows his brow at how much softer Logan sounds. “Roman, has this been happening since the beginning of the meeting?”

  Roman nods.

  “Has it been happening for longer?”

  Another nod.

  “How long,” Virgil asks warily, only for Logan to hiss ‘yes or no’ in his ear, “right, um…has it been happening for longer than a day?”

  Roman nods, studiously avoiding eye contact. Janus bites back a curse.

  “Roman, have you not been able to speak since the wedding?”

  When Roman nods again, Thomas has to bite back a curse of his own. Virgil doesn’t.

  “Fuck, Princey, why didn’t you tell one of us?”

  “With what words,” Janus spits, “and who’s to say we would’ve believed him?”

  “Oh, sweetheart,” Patton murmurs, reaching for him, “I’m so sorry.”

  At this, Roman shakes his head furiously.

  “Hey, hey, easy, Princey, it’s okay, what was that for?”

  “He seemed to really dislike the idea of Patton apologizing…”

  “What were you apologizing for, Roman,” Thomas asks instead, “before we—before?”

  Roman nods.

  “Yeah, bud, you were apologizing, do you remember what for?”

  A nod.

  “He’s saying ‘yes,’” Virgil murmurs.

  “Yeah, we got that.”

  “No, I mean—“ Virgil sighs— “you asked him what he was apologizing for and he’s saying ‘yes.’ That means anything you could ask him if he’s apologizing for, he’d say yes.”

  “So…” Logan looks back and forth between them. “He’s apologizing for…everything?”

  “Yeah.”

  And Roman nods.

“Oh, sweetie,” Janus says softly and whoa, that’s…unexpected, “you don’t need to do that.”

  Roman’s mouth hardens stubbornly as if to say yes I do.

  “You can’t be blamed for not being able to speak, Roman,” Logan says gently, “it’s not your fault.”

  “Kiddo,” Patton calls when Roman still looks unsure, “are you mad at us?”

  Roman’s head snaps up and he shakes his head frantically. Patton holds out his arms to soothe him.

  “And we’re not mad at you, sweetheart, it’s okay. We’ll figure it out.”

  “Let’s call it here,” Thomas says, giving Roman a nod, “we can figure this out later.”

  “What do you need, Roman,” Virgil asks, “how can we help?”

  “That’s…definitely not a yes or no question.”

  Thomas frowns. Then he reaches out a hand.

  “Hey!” Remus pops up, manic grin and all. “What’s shakin’, bacon?”

  “I do not think bacon shakes, Remus.”

  “Sir Francis Bacon?”

  “What?”

  “You two gotta stop watching Phineas and Ferb,” Virgil mutters.

  Remus just grins and turns, freezing when he sees Roman. Thomas blinks and Remus’s entire demeanor changes.

  “Ro-Bro? Roro, you okay?”

  Roman looks up at him. Remus lays a hand on his shoulder.

  “You nonverbal?”

  Roman nods. Remus wraps his arms around Roman’s waist.

  “I’m taking this,” he announces, “bye!”

  Thomas chuckles as Remus sinks out, Roman in tow, even as Patton and Virgil rush after them going ‘let us help!’ Logan just rolls his eyes fondly and follows them. Thomas catches hold of Janus’s cloak before he can leave too.

  “Are you guys always like that to Roman?”

  Janus gives him a strange look. “You mean are you always like that to Roman?”

  “What?”

  “We’re you, Thomas,” Janus says bluntly, “we’re the physical manifestation of what goes on in your head. Or have you forgotten that your main way of problem-solving is to summon metaphysical color-coded versions of yourself and talk to them?”

  “Your point?”

  “The way we act is how you see us. We behave how our respective parts of you behave.” Janus gives him a look. “If you think we’re being mean to Roman, what does that say about how you feel about your Ego or your Creativity?”

  Oh.

  Oh.

  Oh, no.

  “Take better care of yourself,” Janus says, softer now, “and it might surprise you.”

  “You really can’t help yourself, can you?”

  “I think,” Janus says, looking far too smug as he pulls away, “you mean that you can’t help yourself.”

  Thomas scoffs as Janus disappears but after a few seconds, his words start to make sense. He turns to grab his laptop and opens it, finding a blank document and watching the cursor blink.

  The others might not be able to listen to Roman, but he always can.

  “Alright,” he mutters to himself, “let’s see what Roman’s got to say.”

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