#while i vent into the void ig

[roachemoji]

[whonsper]

I'm having far too many thoughts

anyone down to dm a sad motherfucker?

[demodraws0606]

The way people talk about Tsukasa makes me want to murder people /neg

Somehow just because Tsukasa attracted the attention of the younger fanbase, people just have found themselves allowing to dunk on his fanbase because "how dare these 12 year old misinterpret a character that I don't even personally like".

Because yeah it's almost like young people can identify a darker part of a character but overexagerate it because the part that discerns nuance isn't even fucking developped yet. Or you know maybe it's just fun making angst, maybe they're just venting through Tsukasa ?

And somehow these people making angst are somehow more wrong than the people who just act as though Tsukasa is like the happiest guy ever with the least amount of struggles (because how dare he be happy, the only way a person can be struggling is if they're miserable 24/7).

Like it's wild it's somehow the same thing that happened to Sans, it's as though people don't realize that making a character have less problem than in canon is just as much of a misinterpretation than the opposite, you're not smarter for it.

No genuinely what's wrong with people, every other male oc fans get to do whatever and somehow Tsukasa fans are the ones that only enjoy his character cause he's a "dude".

I'm a Rui fan but it makes 0 sense to me how much of us just get away with more because ig it's more acceptable to make angst of rui ????

Like people say "wow people exagerate Tsukasa's backstory so muchh lol", like ok here are the multiple instances of Tsukasa flashbacks :

-Dazzling Lights

-Tenma mixed event

-Colorfes card

-Vocaloid World Link

Wow, yeah really short and rare Tsukasa flashbacks yeah....

And also people acting as though he was fine being alone at home are just straight up lying, like that is a lie the game literally tells you he's not fine blatantly in Dazzling Lights. And if you somehow needed more proof you can dig through the vocaloid world link, his colorfes card or even fucking side card stories.

There's no reason to talk about Tsukasa fans and how exagerated Tsukasa angst is i'm sorry, you're just being a bully and passive agressive to fans who want to have fun. The only time it's worth while to dunk on them is for ableism which IS a problem with Tsukasa fans.

Obviously I'm not gonna police you into what you should talk about but I just think it's really obnoxious and just kinda has been worsening the toxicity of this already radioactive fandom.

Also don't take anything in this post too personally this is just like a scream into the void about this fandom's behavior around Tsukasa.

I'm talking about this also because I literally saw firsthand how just kinda mean people are to others who just have fun.

[66sharkteeth]

I am SO sorry about that other anon good lord, who do they think they are??? You're a human being with feelings and emotions and hardships!! Or a shark I guess in your case, but my point still stands.

I, too, have been a long-time fan of your comic. CoB is my favorite webcomic and I've been loyally following and reading the updates since... end of s1?? It's been a while. BUT despite that, I know that you're still a person at the end of the day, and that sometimes you just need to get shit off your chest. It's far healthier to vent and get things off your chest than it is to bottle it up.

I haven't paid attention because I'm following like 500 different tumblrs, but may I suggest tagging your rants? That way, if people don't want to see it, they can just blacklist the tag, and you can keep getting things off your chest.

>>> Also just a reminder to everyone that YOU CURATE YOUR OWN ONLINE EXPERIENCES. The tag blocker and unfollow button is there for a reason. If you don't like what someone posts, either block the tag or just unfollow them. It's not that hard.

Sorry to that anon in that I didn’t mean to send any hate their way. I appreciate what you’re saying but I understand their point. I made this as a space for fans and I shouldn’t be using it for personal baggage. I’m just going to try to avoid using it like that from now on, so hopefully a tag won’t be necessary but I’ll make sure to do so if I do fall in that hole again. I hopefully just find a better outlet, but I just always appreciate being heard here, even if only by a few people. Even just a like on one of my posts tells me someone heard me and sometimes that’s just all I need. This was just kinda the only place I can get that since Twitter and IG would attract too much attention, and well, my private accounts… just feel like screaming into a void that just echos everything back and confirms everything I’m venting about. I’m gonna try to avoid venting here from now on and do my best to just keep it a positive fan space, but I appreciate all the support up til now whenever I’ve been having a bad night

[five-crows-in-a-trenchcoat]

hi silver sorry to bother you but have you defeated pressure yet? do you have any advice im struggling ( ＞Д＜；)

I have defeated pressure! last time I beat it was my 6th win; and I was inconsolably mad because I was aiming for a damageless run and then misclicked a single cable at the very end of the game (so finished w 95 health) so, here are my ‘pro’ gamer tips:

Don’t use light sources unless it’s a blacklight. It leaves you both at risk of squiddles attacks, and makes you dependent on light sources in general. I’ve legitimately ONLY been attacked by squiddles when I wanted to get the document on it. Turn your brightness up instead

Pay attention to the sounds more than your sight. Each version of the angler + pandemonium and a60 all have different sounds and gimmicks. It’s important to be able to distinguish which is which. Here’s my guide for the monsters:

Anglers/rush-based monsters

Regular angler: regular scream, regular rush time. pretty basic stuff. Wait until you hear its actual high pitched scream before getting in a locker.

Pinkie (pink. duh): doesn’t flick the lights, but scream is a higher pitch and can be heard from much further away. try not to panic, but it’s important to keep an ear out always.

Blitz (black): extremely fast, but the lights flicker twice. Beeline to the nearest locker and get in pretty much as soon as you reach it.

Chainsmoker (green one): very, very slow, and sounds a little like a single-toned scream with rattling chains. You have to wait until it’s practically on top of you to get into a locker bc it forces you out of the locker much faster than usual.

Froger (orange): angry kinda scream. Like william afton it comes back. Upon the first rush, wait until it doubles back, then get out of the locker but stay next to it. It will come back again. Get back in the locker. After that it should be gone.

Pandemonium: it kinda ‘sings’ ig, it’s not a regular scream. Slower than most of the angler variants but not quite as slow as chainsmoker. If you struggle with its minigame, side rooms, vents under the floor, or making your window smaller are your new best friend. These work for the other anglers too, of course.

A-60: kinda has this faint ‘pixely’ scream, very easy to miss. Get to a locker or side room. When its message appears you’ve got like, 4 seconds? To get out of sight. It’s probably the hardest to see coming which is why it’s the rarest.

Other monsters

Void mass: also pretty easy. Makes a bubbling sound when you’re nearby, has a puddle underneath it, and also, the obvious glowing eyes. When you approach a locker, look up through the slots to check if it’s empty. I recommend multiplayer bc someone can still get you out.

Wall dwellers: controversial opinion but they’re also pretty easy. If you do struggle with them you can turn around midway through each room, but they have audible squelchy footsteps and you can hear them peeling out of the wall as well. If you’re really paying attention you can even see them in the walls while you’re passing through, they have these weird stretch marks to outline them. Theres this one room especially with that weird green and black mould that you can see a fantastic example of. Also benefits with multiplayer bc there’s more eyes to scare it off. Same with squiddles, I’ve only died to them when I wanted the documents.

Eyefestation: often in an eyefestation room there’s a short period where you can see a little flash of it, or the door locking behind you if it’s a gauntlet. Run as far as you can in that window. Other than that just beeline for the door the best you can.

Good people: there’s the sparks, of course, but press your ear to the wall next to it and listen for growling. If you hear water or some other ambiance like the fans, it means it’s safe, however, so not all noise is bad. In a dark room or after an angler, the real door’s lights will also be out while the fakes remain lit up.

Turrets: “If you see me, no u didn’t :<“ wait to check their patterns before anything else. Hide where you can of course, and try to follow its sweep where you can. And flip the lever to disable them if you can, of course. Even if pai insults you, better to be berated by your worstie than to be dead.

Searchlights: do not rush it. In the warehouse, follow after it to give you more time. You can hide underneath piles of boxes, the forklifts and in shipping containers (as well as the lockers). In the final searchlights encounter, go for the most risky cables FIRST and the underground ones LAST. Go underground as few times as possible, as it makes it more dangerous by cutting off a lot of your view. Trying to go for the one right in the middle with three of them right on top of you is rough. This usually saves you with the remaining cables being in safer places the further you go to cancel out the difficulty as best as possible. In the final manoeuvre, do NOT hide in the submarine as it makes it even riskier by cutting off your peripheral. Watch the light patterns and then go for it. Wait in the middle underneath it bc it only kills you if you go in the actual light. Always works for me. Another controversial opinion but the warehouse is harder than the final fight.

Sebastian: don’t flashbang or climb on him. it’s rude. Also, make sure he’s happy when you leave. I don’t think there’s any real change but I find its bad luck to leave when he’s pissed at you. Buy his medkit and code breaker if you can.

Other dangers

The Ridge: there’ll be an angler or pandemonium in almost every room. Open the door to the next room and then wait by a locker in the previous one until the threat has passed. Do not panic, and BE PATIENT. Sometimes it takes a while when it passes through. Also, any good people will have light spilling out from under the door. With the music, wait for the angler to leave and then kinda just avoid it or speed through it as best you can. If you’ve got code breakers, save them for either the ridge (or paranoia’s box if you manage to come across it.) As long as you stay careful and make sure you know where the lockers are, it’s not as daunting as it may seem.

Parasites: just stay in the light, you’ll be fine. It’s pretty forgiving

Hazards: just avoid them. Don’t jump in holes you can’t see the bottom of. Dont walk into the fire. Don’t swim in lava. Don’t touch the electrified water, there’s a way to disable it/go around it. Wait for the right time between the fans. Ask @revenyance bc they’re an expert on how not to do that last part.

The pipe puzzle: try to go from the end rather than just the start.

Vent/pipe maze: always take a left turn and eventually you’ll find your way out.

major, all-round tip summary:

-keep sound high and preferably play with headphones. Turn on deaf mode if you have hearing issues.

-fuck light sources, I hate those guys. Go max brightness instead.

-try try and try again. You’re never a bad gamer so long as you’re having fun and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise :>

-try to keep at least two code breakers with you until the end for paranoia’s box or the ridge

-if you’re still learning the ropes, play multiplayer or with your friends! If you die first it’s still good experience seeing them and getting practice for further rooms. Also helps with some of the monsters in general.

Hope all of this is helpful! (Sorry that its a bit wordy) 6.:}

[lunrpilot]

You know what's crazy? (Quotev vent post, ig? Idfk)

I know I'm probably speaking to the void rn but I just deactivated my Quotev account after the site's most recent update. The account was my most recent one, making it in, like, June/July '21. I made my first account though in Oct., '14 and couple extra accounts after but deactivated them in 2020.

In other words, I've spent close to a decade on that site. And while me leaving isn't changing anything, I'm kinda sad about it. I know Q is for fanfics and quizzes, and that's what made me join, but I stayed for the social aspect of it.

I liked rping and talking to others. As an introvert, it gave me the opportunity to communicate w/ others from the comfort of my own room.

Maybe I'm being a little dramatic. Maybe not. But I can't help but to, like, mourn the complete end of an era for me, y'know? 10 years, down the drain, just like that.

Anyways, considering I've already been using Tumblr for a couple months now I'll probably find a new home here sooner or later.

(TLDR: I disliked the new update so I dipped. I'll be here now.)

[my-traumacore-sideblog]

vent post abt a piece of media from a fandom i don't usually cross tag my posts w so just a quick heads up, this blog is 1 i use 4 venting abt stuff, mainly so i can just kinda scream into the void abt stuff that's upsetting me, this isn't a debate blog even abt fandom opinion stuff since this is more abt "this triggered a negative mental health reaction in me bc im mentally ill and i need 2 talk abt that" and the validity of my mental health reactions to put it simply is just not up for debate, especially on this blog, the reason that im cross tagging instead of just leaving this in the vent tags is more as a kind of warning to others who might have a similar reaction to this piece of media as i did, kinda like doesthedogdie.com ig, by cross tagging i can mayb give any1 who might hav a similar reaction 2 me a heads up b4 they c the piece of media

cross tagging also w the madpunk and neuropunk tags bc of stuff that triggered my mental health symptoms and ppl in those tags would probably also b most wanting a heads up and those tags r also 4 ranting abt ableism

cross tagging also w the cripplepunk tag bc of the ableist content that triggered me relating 2 physical disability and that tag being also 4 ranting abt ableism

ok onto the rant/vent post

so i recently decided 2 mayb try getting into the horror genre, usually it's smth that i stay away from since i get scared p easily but my bf really likes horror and also i sometimes enjoy stuff that isn't what most ppl would consider "traditional horror" like if i look away during the gore scenes and i avoid the episode about food since ik what happens in it and that it'll be very triggering for me i actually really enjoy the series "don't hug me im scared" mainly because of the way it portrays disability and imo especially autism and personality disorders as smth that while not inherently bad can make the world u live in more challenging and feel like ur in a horror show if u hav them and try 2 interact w normal society in any way, this is smth i can heavily relate 2 from experience and it felt very validating 2 c that portrayed in a piece of media, it helped me feel seen in a way that couldn't rly be done without horror or horror elements, i also noticed that i enjoyed watching breaking bad as a sort of character study of walter white and jesse pinkman, im aware that breaking bad isn't technically categorised as a horror but given the gore and the psychological elements with everything that happens to jesse i would personally say it could be seen as sort of a psychological slasher comedy, i also recently saw a tiktok about how there was a lot of queer readings of some of the classic horror franchises and a character that was mentioned was chucky, i looked up a list of all the chucky movies in order with a brief description of what happened in them and once i realised how ridiculous the plot got then i knew it was probably something i would enjoy, i already knew i loved campy horror from watching rocky horror picture show and the heather's stage musical, both of which are still favourites of mine, now i knew it was a slasher still so i asked my boyfriend to watch with me, he loves horror and knows all about practical effects so i thought that if it got too much for me then he could help reassure me by explaining how the practical effects are done as sort of a reality check thing

[incoming spoilers 4 basically the entire franchies]

so we watched the first ever childs play movie together online and honestly i was hooked, i loved the silly explanation of how chucky got in the doll, which as some1 who commonly has delusions abt toys (especially dolls and other toys that hav movable joints ect) being alive (thanks 4 that 1 toy story) it was actually genuinely reassuring in a weird way that the only way that happened was bc chucky actively chose 2 put himself into the body of a doll and that its not that the doll was just inherently alive somehow, i loved the dynamic between andy and his mum, i loved the camera work that made u rly feel 4 chucky while he was being tossed around by ppl that didn't know he was a person, i loved the ridiculous special effects and deaths that took me out of the immersion but honestly in the best way possible, heck i even loved how no1 believed andy or the mum abt chucky bc it was done in a way that was clearly meant 4 u 2 sympathise w those characters, it was actually reassuring 2 c a film that (even if only indirectly) was still sympathising w ppl w my condition, personally i c child's play 1 as its own separate movie and i rly enjoyed it, i like 2 think that andy and his mum ran away and left the country and that the rest of the movies are a separate timeline where they didn't leave but that's just my headcanons

child's play 2 and 3 i don't have much to say on, they were good movies and it's nice that for the most part from what i can remember chucky's ire is mostly aimed at authority figures unless the situation specifically calls for him to make an exception, i did also like how the 3rd 1 was aimed a lot on the topic of sexism against men in the military

bride of chucky and seed of chucky i absolutely loved, probably second only to the first movie, i loved the silly campy mess of it all, i also liked how they acknowledged that chucky essentially has a really weird form of dwarfism now (weird bc he's literally in the body of an actual doll which just doesn't happen irl) it was something that i noticed in the 1st movie that i kinda related 2 and saw him being a doll partly as coding 4, the coding was strong in bride of chucky imo w tiff literally treating him like a child, putting him in a locked playpen ect, i found it interesting that he killed tiff mainly 2 put her in his shoes and as revenge 4 her being ableist 2 him, i also really resonated w glen/glenda in seed of chucky having 2 deal w their parents having very strict views on gender 2 the point of them seemingly having a DID split bc of it, pretty sure i literally did that at one point b4 realising that im trans bc of how weird my bio parents were abt gender stuff and had a bunch of expectations on me 2 b a girl but specifically a more masc presenting girl,,, which didn't work out since im kinda a fem/masc nonbinary trans guy who uses cute things as a comfort, idk it was kinda cathartic seeing that represented, as 4 the "murder = addiction" plotline, while yes it was used 4 comedic effect as some1 who has an addictive personality and knows that addiction can go beyond substances it was imo very in character 4 chucky and tiff, i can 100% believe that 4 chucky and tiff killing would b smth that they would become addicted 2 and i found it genuinely interesting as a character study, also it talked abt how ppl can b weirdly morally judgy when it comes 2 addiction, like tiff who has killed ppl is getting mad at chucky 4 doing so bc of the framing now of it being an addiction which,,, yeah, that's p accurate 2 how ppl talk abt addiction, ppl can b doing the exact same thing as u but when they do it its okay and suddenly when u do it its u doing smth morally wrong bc of u having an addiction

oh boy, this is when 4 me things went rly down hill, curse of chucky,,,, idk, ive heard the theory that it's just a nightmare that chucky is having and honestly yeah i can c that being the case mayb since none of it actually makes sense within the timeline also chucky is wildly out of character here imo, also y does this girl live in a mansion but hav the worst wheelchair? also y is there no back up generator 4 power cuts if she needs 2 use a lift 2 get 2 the next floor, also y did they decide chucky is a creepy stalker incel now? also this movie was kinda sadistic in comparison 2 the previous movies tbh, also chucky taking advantage of his victim being in a wheelchair to move her around the house where he wanted and pushing her off the stairs was just uncomfortable, chucky having a pregnant hostage in a flashback was uncomfortable also none of this was in character, like b4 this movie the only relationship we had seen him be in was w tiff and he literally loves seeing her murder so much he proposed 2 her bc of it and yeah there was the whole "he's a very jealous boyfriend" part of bride of chucky but,,, he was literally fine with just hanging out until she decided to bring up him killing this guy and she was very clearly into him killing this guy, it legitimately makes no sense to me from a character writing perspective that he would actually do the weird sunflowers hostage scene, now i can see this making sense if it was a nightmare that chucky was having, that he was thinking on his actions and worried that he made it seem like he wanted tiff to be in his shadow in their convo in the last movie (seed of chucky) so this is his brain worrying that this is how he comes of ect, but i shouldn't need to apply the "it was all a dream" hc 2 make a movie watchable

i skipped cult of chucky and the 2019 childs play reboot as i knew both would b very triggering 4 me given the subject matter

the chucky tv series

i actually legit hated this one, this is the 1 that made me write this whole thing, okay so, 1st of all im gay so no its not bc of the main character being a gay guy, im also a gay guy and i rly liked the idea of chucky being a queer ally after the seed of chucky movie and after having some time away from his family 2 think on things, like i mentioned earlier the idea of chucky being queer positive was partly what got me into this franchise, i rly loved the "im not a monster jake" scene where chucky basically says that just bc he's a serial killer doesn't mean he's queerphobic, as comedic as it is 4 chucky 2 say he's not a monster given that he's a serial killer i found it a genuinely funny and in character moment i 100% think chucky would fucking say that after the seed of chucky movie

i liked that chucky was trying to encourage the kids 2 stand up 4 themselves against their abusive family members and bullies (albeit in his own way)

hell i didn't even hate the idea that chucky just doesn't get that murder isn't smth that most ppl enjoy, i just found it kinda interesting, the idea that he's trying 2 genuinely bond w ppl but just doesn't rly hav a good grasp on how 2 do that but in a very comedy slasher over the top way

i liked that he was a fan of the peter pan books but as horror books, since yeh those books were kinda twisted and i can see chucky liking those as a kid bc of that

it's a damn shame that that's all i liked abt the series

okay so let's start w the false advertising of the genre, i tried this 1 since when i looked it up 2 c if it was meant 2 b a proper horror or more of a slasher comedy like the bride of chucky and seed of chucky the results that came up were saying it was a slasher comedy,,, i don't think this is accurate 4 the most part tbh, like i can think of maybe a handful of moments that were mayb a slasher comedy but imo the majority of the series is just straight up horror, especially when the tiff and nika stuff starts (we will fuking get 2 that later omfg)

4 some reason chucky kills just 4 the lols now? no real rhyme or reason 2 it which tbh just takes away from the character imo especially given that he keeps trying to convince the kids that he only kills ppl that "deserve it" but like,,,, yeah no in the show that's basically shown 2 b a lie, which is weird given that 4 the most part previously he mainly focused on authority figures, especially those that were abusing their authority

multiple chucky's now 4 some reason ig? yeah idk, it was kinda fun at first bc it's kinda ridiculous but like,,, tbh it just makes me remember how fun bride of chucky and seed of chucky were and it makes me wanna watch those instead of this shit

multiple tiffs now?,,,, why? like okay but why? her whole thing in seed of chucky was not wanting 2 b a doll anymore so y is doll tiff there when there's also human tiff? explanation pls? idk makes no sense 2 me but im assuming probably some shit happened in cult of chucky which i didn't watch

okay onto the main reason i made this post

MASSIVE TW 4 ABLEIST WRITING BTW

absolutely fuck the way that this show wrote tiff and nika in this, like holy shit i thought curse of chucky was uncomfortable but ig i hadn't seen anything yet, y did this new writer make the character of nika just 2 torture her? like okay chucky and nika in the same body 4 some reason, sure y not ig, kinda sucks that they r confirming that curse of chucky wasn't a nightmare in the canon timeline ig but whatever, chucky can walk in nika's body somehow???? no???? like she can't walk bc of a physical condition not a psychological 1 so that makes no fucking sense, like i could understand it if it was a psychological condition but in curse of chucky it's confirmed 2 b her heart so that makes no sense

tiff is into nika) okay sure, seed of chucky made it already seem like tiff was bi so why not

tiff prefers nika over chucky) okay? doesn't make much sense 2 me since she seemed 2 be into him being her serial killer husband but sure maybe she's kinda over him now idk

tiff stuffs nika in the trunk of her car like a hostage and takes her to move into the place where nika's family was killed) ummm.... what!?

tiff keeps nika a hostage and drugs her when she escapes) ew wtf, yeah that's legit really uncomfortable

BIG TW 4 ABLEIST WRITING JUMPSCARE U HAV BEEN WARNED

at the end of season 1 there's a sudden reveal that tiff cut off nikas legs and arms "so chucky couldn't use nika's body 2 hurt her" no. just no. there was literally no reason 4 this, she could hav used the amulet from the entire rest of the story 2 just transfer chucky's soul into smth else or some1 else and then killed that person, seed of chucky made it canon that u can in chucky lore put different parts of a soul into different bodies as we c w glen and glenda, just put the chucky soul into a different body and kill that person tiff ur a serial killer like wtf? there was no actual plot reason 4 this and it was completely unnecessary shock value in this show that i would like 2 remind u is supposed 2 b a slasher comedy not a traditional horror, as a wheelchair user i know how much we rely on our arms 2 get around and yeah, this one hurt and completely put me off the entire show, also as some1 who has trauma from ppl (bio parents, teachers, medical workers) pretending 2 b nice and pretending that they r doing smth 4 my own good just so they can get me where they want me so they can hurt me and often taking advantage of me being disabled in order 2 do that this genuinely triggered me, like in an actual trauma way, i had a crying, screaming panic attack 4 like 3 hours while my boyfriend tried 2 comfort me, there was literally no need 4 this 2 b written into this story that again, is supposed 2 b a slasher comedy, this was not slasher comedy, also it was this scene after everything else that has me genuinely convinced that this writer just made the character of nika because he wanted to torture a fictional wheelchair user because he hates disabled people i guess or at the very least he clearly sees us as less deserving of sympathy than non-disabled people, anyway from what i've googled it doesn't seem like things get any better in season 2 and tbh im just not gonna watch this anymore, it sucks bc i rly liked the og chucky movies and got rly hyperfixated on them so now i can't stop thinking abt it and i keep thinking of that 1 scene and it's basically stuck in my head 4 rn also great work from don ig in triggering my fucking cotards delusion for the first time in literal years when i thought i had managed 2 get it mostly under control, fucking cunt :)

so yeah this tv show single handedly turned me away from the horror genre and from the chucky franchies which i previously had enjoyed bc it was that fucking bad and weirdly fixated on turning disabled suffering into a spectacle

TL;DR

don't fucking watch anything after seed of chucky if ur disabled and especially don't watch the chucky tv series it sucks and i hate it and now the thing i had previously been enjoying is utterly ruined 4 me and it's literally made my symptoms actively worse

[nekomacheercaptain]

WIP WEDNESDAY

WIP Wednesday rules:

Post up to five (5) filenames of your WIPs; not titles, file names

Post a snipper from one of them. Snipper must be words you wrote in the last 7 days. We’re posting progress here. If you haven’t made any, go make some and come back to post.

After you’ve posted, people can send you an ask with one of your file names. You must then write 3 sentences in that file.

My WIPs

Åh Gud (translation: «Oh God»)

Venting ig with blorbos

🧍‍♀️ (LMAO I have no organization in my Google docs, I have no idea what I’ve written in any of these)

Rxb

Altså (the best translation I can think of: «I mean…»)

Snippet:

The conversation was mostly between the father and son, with you listening (barely) while watching the garden, realizing he had a koi pond and fountains with small waterfalls, creating comfortable and relaxing sounds. A huge reason as to why you hadn’t locked yourself in the bathroom yet. But you were almost waiting for the night to turn bad, thinking of all possible ways it could be ruined.

And it happened with a single question, one that had Rosinante give Sengoku a stern look and grab your hand in comfort; what’s your family like?

An innocent question. He had every right to ask, you were going to be part of the family. Right? But you had been quiet all night, having no plans to talk, only laugh at his dad jokes, nod and hum politely at his words. 

He had every right to ask you, to know what kind of families would be sewn together. But you just didn’t have the heart to tell him. But you also didn’t dare to lie. So your body betrayed you before you even made a decision; an uncomfortable knot grew in the back of your throat while a small tremble in your voice and hands became noticeable.

“I have, I-I, I’ve got two brothers…” Rosi’s hand tightened its hold on yours, the other starting to rub your back in an attempt at comforting you, “I-I’m the middle”.

Sengoku smiled, but noticed his son’s look of warning. 

“Two brothers, huh? Then I bet it was a lot of chaos,” the old man joked, and it made you laugh nervously. You could tell he was a sweet caring man, obviously being who Rosinante got it from. But it was just too overwhelming. So you just nodded, your lips a tight line as you didn’t want them to tremble anymore, feeling tears starting to form. Fuck.

I encourage everyone that see this to join, and Here are the ones I’ll annoy with tags 😌🥰

@owlight @standfucker @zoros-void @zoros-sheath @downforsanji @r-amenegg @icy-spicy @benkeibear

[ililiiiililii]

writing practice #1

unfinished, as of feb 2024 about my unbalanced friendship with someone i treasured

┠━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┦

like a moth to a flaring speck (always curious, always wanting, always hurt),

like Icarus flitting after his freedom within the bounds of the sun and the sea (would he regret if he knew he burned through his freedom to live the rest of his life),

like a blind-sided disciple to the baseless virtues of the divinity (never acknowledging its divine sins because how else can he convince himself he had a purpose outside his identity if the divine was wrong),

like a dog mindlessly returning the ball thrown farther away each time to appease its owner (the game of fetch is only a game when they see how much you like throwing the ball),

like how I would have crawled back to you through broken glass and burning coal to lie on the ground beside your feet (I lost my dignity with you. Care to give it back?).

how pitiful was I to expect your lifted arm be a palm to feed from and soothe my hunger? did you even glance my way when i begged on fisted hands and cracked feet, smiling up at you in adoration and drools of blood? did you laugh at me when I leaned over your shoe with eyes shut because I trusted you not to kick me down like the last time, and the time before that, and the time before that, and the time before that, and-

I stood guard over your foot over the years while you moulded my face with calluses and rewarded me with bare slips of attention. Still I stayed, braving my hard face like a tailored armour, holding up a savage grin and a stiff neck to look at you, only ever at you. I recount my victories of when you would return my gaze while lying triumphant beneath the standing shadows of your friends and I thought I knew what heaven was ━ It tasted like aged pennies and my choked up love for you.

┠━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┦

a/n: ig this is my first post to this account!! i just needed to vent but it's also frustrating bc i cant write well enough to the standard that i have for 'beautiful' and impactful writing. i hope with these practices i can improve in the future:')) i doubt people will read this so im not gonna beg for comments just yet the void wont respond :p

this will maybe be continued. i honestly dont even know what this is.

[moonlight-melts]

Venting idk. Warnings in tags ig

The more time goes by, the more I realise... I'm really that unimportant, aren't I? Useless in a way.

My illness, whatever the fuck it might be, asks to be seen. I want to be acknowledged by the people I love most. I want them to hug me and pat my head and say they love me and me and me. And I fucking know how selfish it is but I don't know how to love less than that because for a little while, it makes me feel whole.

But you know, no matter how much I break my skin open, it's not enough. In the end I'm left with what I began with: nothing. Nothing except that deep, empty void that love (is it really love? I don't even know anymore) sort of pretends to fill sometimes.

That deep, empty void I wanna indulge into. Throw myself in it, drown in the dark.

Disappear, I guess. Stop existing. It doesn't matter if it hurts, really.

Everything is too much and I just really want it all to stop.

I've given enough. I don't know what I'm fighting for anymore.

But eh, I'm fine! I have to be.

[quartz-the-cosmic-manta]

i promise im not usually this… sad? contemplative?? and i try to ig get my thoughts out and let go of the more sad/negative feelings in a healthier way than yk… sending this stuff out into the void of tumblr. but when this happens either i feel like there isn’t really a place to vent my thoughts or anyone id talk to abt it isnt online.

but tbf most of the time its rea late and that should probably be a sign that i need to sleep.

and for the friends (or lack thereof) stuff, i unfortunately have these types of thoughts while all hormonal/on my period 🫤. and i’ve been dealing with that monthly for… quite a while now, maybe over 4 years

i think my problem is that i need more irl friends. so i can chat up some cool ppl i know and not be sad when im bored but my 2 friends aren’t online to message

i was just thinking thats imo its weird how my sisters can be in like 4 different discord servers with (i assume) the same group of people and im guessing they have multiple different conversations going on at the same time?? it feels unnecessary to be in multiple servers with the exact same group of ppl. maybe im jealous that i don’t really have many irl friends so i just don’t get the point/appeal of that?

[surreal-duck]

letting me live alone was a bad idea i think

[lavampira]

unlocking new levels of ironic self awareness in knowing that my latest anxious and depressed episode is rooted in stress and my fucked up sleep schedule and more stress but coping with it by deep cleaning my entire bathroom at 6 AM instead of going the fuck to bed lolol

[decimateddreams]

everything. is a lot?

[foreverxdaydreaming]

my tarot cards really just roasted tf outta me huh? did a reading for this year and every single one of the results hit so close to home.. i don't cry often but this is rly making me want to,,,lol

[xinheartswakeex]

Here's an updated list of bands I love/listen to:

• Dream On Dreamer

• Invent Animate

• Erra

• In Hearts Wake

• The Amity Affliction

• Polaris

• Void of Vision

• Northlane

• Alpha Wolf

• Wage War

• August Burns Red

• Silent Planet

• Fit For A King

• Beartooth

• Being As An Ocean

• Bloom

• No Home

• Senses Fail

• Silverstein

• The Devil Wears Prada

• Hollow Front

• Gideon

• Dayseeker

• Capstan

• Mayday Parade

• The Maine

• We Came As Romans

• In Fear & Faith

• If I Were You

• Nothing Nowhere

• PVRIS

• The Menzingers

• Spanish Love Songs

• Counterparts

• Tigers Jaw

• LANDMVRKS

• Underoath

• Veil of Maya

• Hurtwave

• Outline in Color

• Holding Absence

• Make Them Suffer

• The Front Bottoms

• Hotel Books

• Citizen

• Dragged Under

• Chiodos

• Saosin

• Kublai Khan

• Knocked Loose

• Currents

• While She Sleeps

• Crystal Lake

• Youth Foundation

• Man Overboard

• Novelists

• Our Hollow, Our Home

• Adaliah

• For All Eternity

• The Ghost Inside

• For Those Sleeping

And many more.

Follow me on other socials if you'd like to talk about music, vent or be friends. I'm here at IG: Wildmetalheads