#while death may be bad it's a mercy in hell at this point

[teamaerialcombo]

hi sorry i ranted in notes in response. Uh read those if ur curious. sorry if my points are Worded weirdly or Whatever it's like 9pm on a school night

urltaklil

Am I the only one who really hates V1. Minos, or even Gabriel deserve the win here, but instead its this horrible machine that does nothing but create death and suffering.

I have this horrible feeling about the game's ending and that it is going to fill me with so much hatred that it will mar my recollection of it.

I think part of it is that at a very fundamental level, I just don't share Hakita's apparent optimistic nihilism. I crave for something different and have built my world around that something. Maybe it is the threat to my (admittedly very fragile) worldview that the game presents that makes me so uneasy.

[ponderingmoonlight]

Touch her and you'll burn

Pairing: boyfriend!Gojo x fem!reader; Toji x reader (kinda?)

Word Count: 2,8k

Synopsis: When it comes to Satoru Gojo, you are his true weakness - after all, you've been his girlfriend for years. Toji doesn't miss that either and takes you prisoner without further ado in order to get at the white-haired man.

Warnings: violence, death, tortue, mentions of sa, hurt, language

„What a cute little thing you are. Too bad you chose the wrong guy as your fuck buddy. How did you two end up anyway? I bet it’s because he’s tall and his special appearance, you women all tick the same way. Whatever, let’s see how I will kill you today, sweetie. And maybe we can have some fun before, what do you think, huh?”

“Rot in hell, fucking asshole.”

You spit directly into the way too close face of none other than Toji Fushiguro. The man that broke into your apartment, drugged and hauled you into this dark and dirty room that is only lit by one small lightbulb. Your hands are chained to the ceiling, you’ve been kneeling on the floor for what feels like an eternity now. Not the best starting point to be honest.

“I love my women feisty, little bitch. Listen up.”

His rough hand yanks on your chin so harshly that you can’t help but stare straight into his cold eyes which are only inches away from yours. Sweat drips from your forehead against your already bleeding nose, your body slowly but surely begins to tremble from the cold and exhaustion.

“There are exactly two options for you. One: That fucker appears and you both die while trying to save your cute ass. Two: He’ll let you rot in here and I’ll kill you all alone. If I were you, I’d be nicer to the man who’s been taking such good care of me for the last hours and who’s responsible for my death.”

“My parents taught me not to talk to strangers, especially the stinky and homeless ones. Save your breath”, you hiss back.

His palm crushes against your soft cheek without any mercy. Dizziness consumes you instantly, your lifeless head falls to the side while blood squirts out of your nose again. Fuck, that hurt pretty bad. But still a quiet laughter escapes your lips. Does he really think he can crush your will with a few punches? Pathetic. You may not be a jujutsu sorcerer, but you’re damn though. It’s not the first time that you have to deal with assholes like him because of your precious boyfriend Satoru Gojo. He definitely owns you a shopping tour after that.

“What are you laughing about, brat?”

“Just thinking about how Satoru will kick your ass later”, you bark through gritted teeth.

“First he has to find me. I’m a non-jujutsu sorcerer, just like you. So he can’t detect me by my curse power either. Your mobile phone and your pathetic GPS necklace are in your apartment, Gojo didn’t protect you with his powers. Hurts huh? Apparently the other girl's more important to him. Treats you pretty badly, don’t you think?”

You don’t like to admit it, but his words make your heart ache for a brief moment. Deep down, you know that it was his job to protect her, that he cares about you the most even though you haven’t seen him in days now. Would he even risk her life to save yours? He told you over and over that you are his priority, his everything. But…you don’t know.

Will Satoru come at all?

You sink into your chains and stare at the man and his mischievous grin in front of you. It doesn’t matter if Satoru searches for you or finds you. But you won’t let Toji bring you to your knees so easily.

His gaze wanders through the room while he casually strides around. He needs to stay focused. Gojo is probably the strongest jujutsu sorcerer of his lifetime. Kidnapping his girlfriend to weaken him and divert his attention from Riko is a smart move, but risky if Toji isn’t careful. And then there’s the fact that (y/n) is a pain in the ass herself.

“Where ya lookin’? I’m the view, asshole.”

“No wonder a slut like you is the girlfriend of someone like that Gojo guy. I’ll shut up your pretty little mouth soon enough.”

“Did you just say I’m pretty?”

Your maniac grin and disrespect catches Toji off guard. Of course he knew you would be a handful, but he’s a well-known assassin. Damn, he could kill you in a heartbeat if he wanted to, are you too dumb to see that? Is your trust in your stupid boyfriend really this big? Maybe he should in fact kill you instantly.

“I’d love to wring your throat right away, but before that I’ll show you where your place is.”

All color drains from your face in an instant, cheeky grin gone in the wind. Fuck, this asshole is about to unbuckle his belt. Your throat is tight, it’s like you’ve forgotten how to breathe…Will he really? You shake your head in disbelief, limbs fighting desperately against the merciless force of the chains around your bloody wrists. No, you can’t let this happen. You would rather die than allow this man to touch you with his disgusting hands.

“Cat got your tongue, huh? What’s up, (y/n)? Don’t worry, I’ll show you what you’ve missed before you die.”

Toji wraps his arm around your waist and presses his muscular body against yours. The urge to puke into his face becomes unbearable as well as your impatience. Where the fuck is Satoru? You close your eyes in a desperate attempt to calm your thoughts and breathing. Even a man like him wouldn’t dare to assault you, not the girlfriend of Gojo Satoru. But since he’s not here at the moment, you’ll just have to take care of that situation yourself.

When you open your eyes again, there’s not a spark of humor left in them – pure determination and rage draw your face. With all the strength you are able to gather in your poor condition you put your head in your neck and yank it forward as hard as possible against his nose. You ignore the throbbing pain that seems to radiate from your forehead all over your body and the nausea that suddenly overcomes you. This is not over. Bracing your body against the chains, you push yourself off the ground and kick his chest hard with both legs. His huge frame stumbles backwards while his loud groan fills the room.

You breathe heavy, sight almost completely obscure by the waterfall of blood that streams down your head. With a satisfaction – filled grin you notice his bleeding nose. Serves him right, stupid asshole. He just shouldn’t have messed with you. After all, just because you are a non-jujutsu sorcerer doesn’t mean you’re not good at defending yourself. Who does this guy think he even is anyway?

Fuck, Toji rushes towards you with quick steps, the muscles under his tight shirt are dangerously tense. Not good. But even worse is that all you can do is stare at him through your tired lids and let him approach you. Damn, he is fucking furious.

“That blood really suits you, brings out your icy-murderer eyes, y’know. Man, you’d be so fucking hot if you weren’t a stone cold asshole. Could get yourself a nice girl.”

At this point, your words aren’t more than an uncovered fading whisper anymore. You are just so fucking tired of hanging in this room and fighting a hopeless battle. At least you die in style.

“Nice show, slut. But that’s it for you now. I hope you realize that I could have just dodged your pathetic punches. Just like that”, he hisses through gritted teeth.

With a swift motion of his arm, he grips your wrist and twists it. You see stars, bones audible shattering in your body. All color that is left in your face drains instantly, a cry filled with ache reverberates around the room and rings back in your ears. You feel like you’re going to lose consciousness at any moment. No, stay awake, bark back, show him that you don’t care.

But you can’t.

His right hand clenches into a fist. As if in slow motion, you watch it move towards your face. This is gonna hurt like hell, maybe you should close your eyes and pretend none of this is happening. You at the beach with Satoru, his delicious body exposed to the sun and your merciless eyes, dipping his face into the water over and over again until he begs you to stop. Yeah, that would be nice. Satoru…You love him so much that it hurts sometimes, some say you two are obsessed with each other. He wears you on his hands, you’re the only one who can match his sense of humor and has the ability to put up with his lifestyle. He would never allow that any harm touches your delicate skin, that you get involved into his work as a jujutsu sorcerer. But today it seems like he can’t save you. At least you can say you fought back as much as you could.

“Touch her and you’ll burn.”

Your eyes snap open immediately. There he stands, your boyfriend, your knight in shining armor with his sunglasses casually covering his bright blue orbs.

“What are you doing, (y/n)?”, he questions ironically while slowly approaching the both of you.

“I’m just out here being cute, y’know”, you mumble with a small smirk.

Satoru gives you a loving smile. At that moment you just know that everything is going to be okay, that he will kill Toji for tormenting you and that you’ll meet again in the sheets this evening.

“Took you quite a while to get here”, Toji comments dryly and turns away from you.

The moment his big frame moves away a wave of relief washes over you. If Satoru had come just a second later Toji might have filleted you and you are very aware of that. You are no longer interesting for Toji, after all you served your purpose as decoy.

With a swift motion, your boyfriend frees your hands from the chains that have already cut deep into your tender flesh. Your knees meet the hard concrete floor in an instant, your body is too weak to stand up on its own.

“Come on (y/n), get yourself together and walk out of that room. Suguru will meet up with you. This is about to get pretty ugly.”

The air is filled with thick tension as both men stand still and just look at each other. He’s right. You have to get up, get out of this fucking room, find Suguru. If you stay here you are only an obstacle to Satoru.

“Your girlfriend is quite a pain in the ass. Well, at least she’s hot, I see where you’re coming from.”

“Beat his ass a few times more for me”, you breathe out.

You can do this. With all the strength you have left in your body, you lift your aching limbs off the ground and stumble to the door. Satoru positions himself in front of you, alert in chase Toji wants to attack you.

“Hit me up later, sweetheart.”

“Thank you for saving me. Even if it’s technically your fault I was trapped here.”

“How rude!”

With one last glance at you, he closes the door by one rapid motion of his arm.

You can’t help but let out a sign of relief. Fuck, this was a very close call – too close for your liking. Again your body lets you down and sinks onto the dirty ground in an instant. Your limbs are trembling, your mind goes numb. If you stay awake a little longer, you are able to find Suguru and get out of here…

“(y/n)?”

You would recognize his voice everywhere. How much you’d like to call out his name now so that he can find you and get you away from here, but the corners of your saggy mouth don’t move an inch. The ability to speak seems to be failing you completely at this point.

“(y/n)!”

Are you dying? You’re not sure. But your thoughts completely drift away until they’re utterly still. Finally rest, finally no more pain, finally-

“There you are (y/n). Stay awake okay? Let’s meet up with Shoko.”

The fear in Sugurus voice is unmistakable. His arms gently wrap themselves around your knees and back before lifting you up with ease.

“I hope you drove him insane with your talking”, Suguru gently whispers while sprinting down dark hallways.

“You bet I did.” ______________________________________________________________

God, you feel terrible. The second your thoughts begin to race again your whole body seems to be on fire. Your opened eyes get greeted by harsh lights.

“Can someone turn this the fuck off”, you mumble.

“Oh, there you are (y/n). Took you quite a while to get back to us.”

You recognize this voice. It’s Shoko, you’re with Shoko. That can only mean that Suguru brought you here. You must have passed out shortly after he found you. Your mind is clouded by faded memories and pain. What happened last? You were kidnapped and tortured by Toji Fushiguro, Satoru…Satoru was there, he saved you. After that, Suguru got you to safety.

“Where are they?”

Shoko sits next to you, a cigarette hanging from her mouth.

“This thing has gotten pretty ugly, (y/n)…But you’d better rest a little. Your boyfriend should explain this to you himself.”

“Are they fine?”

Your eyes are widened in horror. That look of worry on Shoko’s face is so unfamiliar to you that it makes your guts twist in thick fear. If something happened to Suguru because of you…Could Satoru defeat Toji all by himself? He is the strongest, right? Surely he had no problem with killing a basic non jujutsu sorcerer.

“Look who’s awake.”

Suguru’s figure is so tall that he dims the lights that irritated you before. He looks like he’s wearing a halo – how suiting.

“Suguru, you’re alright. Please tell me you’re okay”, you mumble, mouth still not able to process your battling thoughts. 

“I’m fine again. Don’t worry.” There it is, his usual bright smile. But something’s different. You can tell that the corners of his mouth don’t pull up as far as usual, that he looks overall…defeated.

“What…What happened? Where is Satoru?”

You can hear your own voice trembling in anticipation. Fuck, he would have been by your side the whole time if everything was alright. Your last encounter plays like a movie in your head. Did Toji?...This can’t be. It’s simply not possible.

“Sorry for keeping you waiting!”

The sight next to Suguru makes you nauseous. Satoru’s uniform is completely torn and blood soaked, you can detect a small wound on his forehead, his white hair discolored in crimson. And god his eyes…He looks possessed. No, that can’t be your boyfriend. You hardly recognize him.

“Satoru, is that you?”

“The one and only! I did it (y/n). I killed that man!”

He roughly grabs your upper arms and leans over you. The weight of his huge frame against your throbbing skin takes your breath away. A whimper of agony escapes your lips while you squint and screw up your face.

“Back off, Satoru, you’re hurting her!”, Shoko yelps in an desperate attempt to free you from his grip.

“Look at me, (y/n)! I finally mastered reverse cursed technique and killed Toji for what he did to you. Anami was murdered as well as basically everyone else, but I did this for you! We both survived!”

The maniac look in his eyes sends shivers down your spine. What has gotten into him?

“Satoru, are you on drugs? Let go off me!”, you cry out.

“I think we should get going now. See you, (y/n)”, Suguru interrupts and yanks Satoru away from you.

“B-But…I need answers! Get your ass back here! What’s the matter with you two!?”

“Don’t ask questions I don’t have the answer to (y/n).”

With one last look both men leave you alone with Shoko. What just happened? The girl…she’s dead? So Toji killed her after all. And the bruises on Satoru…Fuck, maybe that man was stronger than you thought. But he’s also dead, right? Your head begins to spin with all the scenarios that cloud your mind. You need answers, you need to talk to Satoru, you need to-

“You need to rest, (y/n). This one will blow you away.”

Her fingers snap against the syringe in her hand. Your eyes widen in shock, heartbeat picking up in an instant. No, you can’t sleep now, you need to talk to Satoru, he needs to explain what happened to him, why he looks so torn, why Suguru’s eyes were so empty.

“Wait Shoko, I-I need to t-talk t-to…”

A sharp stab in your upper arm. Then darkness. Nothing but darkness.

[twipsai]

The Phantom Rider, Sonic's "hero" status, and Sonic's love for his friends: a poorly put-together analysis

so, ive seen a non-zero amount of people say that Sonic taking on the alter ego of the Phantom Rider is out of character for him, and my knee-jerk reaction was to disagree (though, im biased, because i adore the Phantom Rider). but then i thought about the why of it all -- why does it not feel out of character for Sonic to disguise himself to cause chaos?

full post and me over-analyzing a blue hedgehog under the cut

part 1: Sonic will break the rules

well, first of all, Sonic doesnt really care too much about being a hero. he helps people because he wants to, not because its expected of him. weve all seen those satbk cutscenes reposted to hell and back, so let me be the millionth to do so

when Merlina tells Sonic that, upon taking Caliburn, he would become the villain in everyones eyes, he shrugs it off. and even later, when Gawain tries to talk him down from battling Merlina, Sonic dismisses the idea that hes doing this out of some kind of chivalry or duty, that he fights because he wants to.

there are many other instances of Sonic not really caring about rules or social conventions, and gladly breaking them if it means he can save people (dude literally runs from cops in sa2), but its never directly stated as explicitly as it is in satbk.

so, Sonic doesnt care about being a hero, and doesnt care about being a villain in other peoples eyes if he knows hes doing whats right. youd think with this facet of his character, him actively disguising himself as the Phantom Rider would be antithetical to this point, right? if he doesnt care about being seen as a villain, then he shouldnt have to mask his identity. its a fair conclusion to come to, but it also ignores what i think is one of Sonic's core personality traits;

part 2: Sonic loves his friends a lot

its strange to me that not a lot of people bring this up, because he does! from "and Amy... take care of yourself," to "I'll have you smiling by the end of this," Sonic just genuinely loves his friends to death, and doesnt want to sabotage them.

if he runs out there to cause chaos during the clean sweepstakes, completely unmasked? everyone who knows a single thing about Sonic will start to assume bad things about the Restoration. just because Sonic has good intentions doesnt mean hes above the rules, and acting like he is can put people he cares about (namely Jewel and the Diamond Cutters) at the mercy of public opinion.

he cant act like hes above the rules, especially when hes directly associated with the Restoration (even if hes not a part of it) during the clean sweepstakes.

(id also like to point out that here, Sonic doesnt even consider it a bad thing to be completely and utterly chaotic and disruptive at first; Tails has to remind him its a bad idea)

and understandably so! we see how everyone reacts to seeing Sonic as the Phantom Rider, especially Tangle -- its a tough pill to swallow, especially without all the context involved. to an outsider, it looks like Sonic is just trying to sabotage the clean sweepstakes because hes being a sore loser (or, really, any other number of malicious reasons)

but, really, i think that the point im trying to make is summed up best by Amy and Sally (even though its in Archie)

thats just not how they do things. they dont want to cause necessary chaos or danger just for the hell of it, and they certainly dont want to associate the Restoration with that sorta thing -- people look to the Restoration for hope, and while Sonic is associated with it during the clean sweepstakes, his hands are a bit tied. itd be a total dick move for him to basically throw his friends (and especially Jewel) under the bus like that, and he knows it.

Sonic may not care about his reputation in other peoples eyes, but he cares greatly about how his actions affect his friends.

part 3: the conclusion

its easy to assume that, based on how lax Sonic is with rules and social conventions, him disguising himself just to cause a distraction for Amy and Tails to get attention off of them would be out of character. but, based on the circumstances, i think that it makes enough sense given the context for him to take the route that he does.

sorry if this analysis is a little all over the place, im sorta scatter brained right now but i wanted to get my thoughts out about this cuz its been on my mind

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Sorry if this is a heavy question but I don't know where else to go. Is it true that you will go to hell if you commit suicide? And if not, how can I be sure? Completely sure?

I don't ask for bad reasons, just that I have a degenerative disease and there will eventually come a point when i'm still alive but can no longer live at all. Hopefully that's still a long ways away but I want to have a choice when that time comes, rather than existing for potentially years with severe pain and no joy. But can I do that without condemning myself to an eternity of the same?

CW: suicide, hell, degenerative disease, euthanasia

Hi there, anon. I fully believe that a just and loving God would never condemn anyone who is going through the kind of internal and external struggle that leads to suicide.

I have a long article on Medium where I explore instances of suicide ideation in scripture that I recommend to you. Overall, I conclude that condemnation of suicide is not present in the Bible: the few instances of completed suicide are presented pretty neutrally; and the many instances of suicide ideation elicit God's compassion, not condemnation.

Throughout scripture, God’s response to depressed and suicidal people is not condemnation, but

validation of their experience;

removal of the factors that make them depressed/suicidal; and

helping them access a more abundant life.

When it comes to your degenerative disease, that second point might sound absurd or even offensive. I do not tout cureism; I'm absolutely not telling you to put on rose-colored lenses and pretend your disease will magically go away. While it's possible that medicine may advance in your lifetime to help prolong your life or ease your pain, it sounds like you're very aware of the realities of your disease and the more likely path it will take.

But while I don't believe in a magical genie God who vanishes away all pain and illness in our lives, I do believe in a God who enters into our suffering. A God who, when removal of pain is not possible, endures that pain with us; and who guides us into community that will support us in all that we go through. And who, yes, ultimately brings us into abundant life — partially in this life, fully in the next.

___

Along with biblical support for God's compassion for suicidal persons, Christian denominations that used to promote the idea that suicide leads to damnation have since revised those views.

As our collective understandings of mental health have developed over the last century or so, it's become more obvious even to the most traditional groups (e.g. the Catholic Church) that claiming that people who die by suicide go straight to hell is an extremely callous and unjust view and frankly, a grievous form of victim-blaming.

Instead, while emphasizing the seriousness of suicide and urging suicidal persons to seek professional assistance, most churches now assure the loved ones of those who have died by suicide that God's mercy and love cover all things. And those churches with a solid social justice mindset invest their resources in removing the societal factors that lead someone to suicide, rather than blaming the suicidal.

___

I hope this helps ease your fears somewhat, anon. You may also find encouragement in my #hell tag, where I frequently talk about how I don't believe in hell at all. God's will for all of us is relationship and thriving; and when I believe anything at all I do believe the words Jesus taught us: "thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." Suffering and death will not have the last word; punitive "justice" will not have the last word; God's restorative justice and all-embracing love will.

Wishing you as slow a progression in your degenerative disease as possible. And no matter where this life takes you, I pray that you find your people, who will support you and advocate for you, laugh and weep with you, learn and live and love with you; and that you feel God's deep, abiding love, holding you close through all things.

[cinamun]

catching up might be bad for my heart, but it's good for my soul...

my heart is breaking for everyone, rah included. here's all the stuff I've been thinking, feeling, speculating on, and just wallowing in as I caught up...

rah

he cares deeply for dira

he was deeply hurt by her abandoning their friendship, and whatever simmering romantic feelings were there that were also seemingly discarded was just more salt on the wound

he knows he fucked up, but he also meant everything he said in the hotel room

he's scared of himself and what he did

he did not want to be forgiven by dira because he doesn't think he deserves to be

even though he wanted to be with her, he doesn't think she should be with him

he's only seeing the doctor because she wanted it for him, but he seemed like he would have preferred disappearing into nothing

he still isn't looking for forgiveness, but he doesn't want to be a burden to dira anymore, so he asked for what he truly knew could be certain death, to meet with darren

dira was right there and he didn't even try to speak to her, and I don't think it was because darren was there, like he knows he's at darren's mercy, but his desire not burden dira anymore and to remove even the shadow of blame from her is greater than his fear of what darren would do to him

dira

she feels betrayed by her friend

she feels betrayed by her own actions

she got called out and had to work through the difficult task of separating rah's words from his actions, of reconciling her own actions with her true feelings

she has unearned guilt about how it got to that point

she has feelings for rah, but they're all muddled because it was a dire situation that forced her to acknowledge them, and they're tainted because, for the time being, and possibly for some undetermined amount of time into the future, she may not be able to feel those feelings without also feeling the fear that preceded them

she didn't hide the truth from Indya just because she had sex or to cover for rah

she was emotionally overwhelmed with everything that happened, but the feelings were compounded by her realizing she fucked up, that she was not where she thought she was head-wise or heart-wise, that in her attempts to escape from her sister's shadow, in her desire to be seen as Indira Dior, a "woman" who has her own thoughts and is her own person and not Hope the 2nd in her parents eyes, she went about it the wrong way

she knew that telling indya would mean that she wasn't at a point where she could take full responsibility for her herself, that she was still a child, and, with or without hope as margin, she still has a ways to go

her fear about another elliot situation is 100% percent real and the way she brings it up to hope and darren is like saying even if you think I'm wrong about everything else, even if you are disappointed in me, worried for me, angry at me or the situation, at least understand, at least agree with me about that.

indya

she didn't make it about her; parents can get so wrapped up in fighting the past that they forget to see that no matter how similar the situation or how similar the personality, their child is still a person separate from them

she was hurt by the situation and it brought to mind and to heart an uncomfortable past and she did feel like she was seeing herself and she didn't want that for her daughter

she walked a fine line when talking to dira by making the connection to what was on her heart to dira, but she focused on dira's feelings and dira's mindset and dira's role in the situation

darren

he drew a line that was understandable, but also a little startling because he stood on it while his Wife was on one side and everybody else, even his child, was on the other

he acted in a way that would leave me unsurprised if he was of the mind that his love for his children is undeniable and hell hath no fury like him when he's protecting them, but children are meant to be nurtured and loved, but they will move on, and though hope might be their diamond, it's indya who is forever

jayce

he should not consort with criminals, but I think between rah and bishop, he's got people in his orbit that could help him out with some surveillance equipment so that he has back up/proof against whatever games that student might play

ATTENTION READERS™ PLEASE READ THIS!!! Excellent observations my friend!

[burningfieldof-clover]

i told you not to follow me.

Thanks for the blessing of Tori's idea over at @cloneficgiftexchange, I have made this lovely gift for my recipient @staycalmandhugaclone. The prompt and request is below:

GN!reader x Crosshair

warnings: my first time trying some whump, reader sure goes through hell. torture, angst crosshair (when is he ever not), self doubt, self depreciation, hopelessness. light at the end of the tunnel kind of ending.

wc: 1.9k

“No matter what happens,” Crosshair whispered into your ear from behind you, “don’t follow me.”

As Crosshair’s fist released the wad of your shirt behind you and stepped away, you fell to your knees with tears streaming down your face. Too stunned to speak or move, you heard him walk away. He didn’t seem to hesitate or pause, just disappeared down the halls. Gone. 

Crosshair made it very clear that you meant nothing to him. This entire time was such a chore to put up with you. The man may have been unnecessarily cold and contained but you still thought you were friends. What happened?

You glanced behind you to see if there was any sight of him, any sign that this was a dream. You found nothing. Sniffling and wiping your nose, you stumbled to your feet and got into the escape pod he left you in front of. This is bullshit, you told yourself. He’s such an asshole. 

The escape pod ejected from its housing and drifted for a few minutes. The pod managed to spin enough that your viewport gave you the opportunity to look at the Star Destroyer you had just infiltrated. You really thought that Crosshair would come back with you. After Kamino, after Crosshair admitted to having his chip removed, you thought a one-on-one interaction with him was all it would take to get him to come home.

How wrong you were.

You brought your comlink up to your mouth. Hesitation. You couldn’t call the Batch now. You left without a word. You left without a plan. 

Unbeknownst to them, you had been monitoring Imperial chatter ever since you all had left Crosshair on that platform on Kamino. You wanted Crosshair to come home so bad. Even if he didn’t want to see you, even if he didn’t give a damn about you, you wanted him to come home to his brothers. You could see how much they missed him. There was a Crosshair-shaped hole in the Bad Batch. There’s no way you could fill it. 

You lowered your arm. There’s no way they’d take you back. You stole a shuttle from the shipyard they had docked in. It was originally a quick land to refuel and restock. Instead, you stole. You followed a stupid dream and got stupid results. 

You must have taken too long to make any kind of decision. A tie fighter screamed past you and hailed your escape pod. 

“Surrender or be destroyed.”

So you surrendered. 

—-----

Imperial prisons were no joke. If it wasn’t mind-numbing meaningless and pointless wasting away in a cell, it was awful torture, making you wish you were dead. At least death would be a mercy.

You lost count of how many broken bones you’d been given. How many busted lips or blackened eyes? What did you look like? You’d forgotten. Has it been several years or a week?

Your feelings about the Bad Batch were correct. If they forgave you for leaving, they would have found you by now. They held this against you. 

The ray shield door fizzled out and two stormtroopers entered with blasters pointed at you. You were in binders and had swollen eyes and a suspected broken toe. It’s not like you could have fought back. An Imperial officer entered after them. 

“Another beautiful day, wouldn’t you agree?”

Attempting to look at him proved pointless. What little you could see was only through the slits of your swollen eyes was just shadows and motion.

“Ah, right. I guess we’ll have to lay off your face for a while so we can get your vision back.”

One of the stormtroopers pulled you to your feet by only pulling on the binders. This caused a hiss to leave your mouth as the metal pulled on your already tender wrists. 

“Well then. Let’s see if you’ll talk to us today. I’m sure you have plenty to say.” 

The stormtroopers dragged you out of the cell and down various halls. You put no effort into walking. It’s a wonder they bothered to hold you up at all. 

Before long you were in an upright interrogation bed again. The feeling of the straps around your wrists, legs, body and head was becoming too commonplace. More familiar than what you would call home. 

Footsteps approached you. “Tell me where Clone Force 99 is.”

Nothing. You couldn’t say anything. You had no idea where they were. They don’t care about you, never came for you, but you couldn’t give them up. Loyalty means everything to the clones.

An electric shock shot through your brain from both sides. A scream echoed through the room. Was that my scream? The electricity always hurts the most. It stung, it made the sides of your face numb. When the voltage is cut off, your head fell limp. The strap across your forehead bit into your skin.

Can you believe it, Crosshair? 

“How did you board the ship? What were you looking for?”

I don’t even know if I could speak if I tried.

Another electric shock to the brain. Your vision buzzed this time.

You’d be so pissed off that I couldn’t shut up, and now I can’t even find words to say.

“If you were to cooperate, the pain would end.”

Just kill me already. 

The electricity this time felt more intense, more powerful than any of the torture you’ve endured this whole time. It felt like it broke something, something in your head snapped. The pain was paralyzing. The shock to your body silenced you. 

It was silent for a while. You could hear yourself breathing, the shuffles of a few pairs of feet. No questions. No new pains. You couldn’t see anything. 

“Send in the clone,” the Imperial said angrily. “Maybe he can coax her into talking.”

More footsteps, an opening door, and then silence. 

You blinked your eyes several times. You couldn’t get them to focus. You tried to struggle against your restraints, but as always, you couldn’t escape. Your mind kept begging for relief. Why won’t they just kill me already? 

The door opened and slid closed. This time only one person entered, based on the step patterns. You waited for a question. You waited for some new pain.

The footsteps stopped right before you. You still couldn’t focus your vision. Tears started falling in a silent plea.

A sigh. “I told you not to follow me.”

Crosshair? 

“Why didn’t the others come for you?”

You choked out a sob. “Cross… hair?” Your voice was raspy. The only sounds it made anymore were screams, so your words sounded foreign to you.

He undid the strap that pinned your head in place. His hand grabbed your chin and tilted your head to look right at him. He looked into your eyes, so dead and void. Your pupils were blown wide and searching for something to lock onto. “Say something!”

“Cross, I can’t…”

“You can’t what?”

The sobs were heavy and shook your whole body. “I can’t… I can’t see.”

Crosshair stared at you with his jaw slightly dropped. “Quit bluffing. You’re fine.”

You moved your head as much as you could. “I can’t see.” Saying it again made it sink in. The thing that broke, the thing that severed… it was your optic nerves.

“Look at me!” Crosshair barked. 

You knew what direction his voice was coming from, and even though you moved your eyes to point at him, there was nothing. 

Crosshair’s hand slipped away from your chin and he stumbled back a few steps in disbelief. 

The sound of your crying was the only thing you could hear. Crosshair was silent. Still. You don’t know how much time has passed, but the feeling of your restraints being undone jolted you. You fell into Crosshair’s arms. 

Having not been touched for so long added to the shock factor. Crosshair held you against him tightly. His hand propped up the back of your head against his chest. You heard his breath stutter. 

“I told you… I told you not to follow me for a reason. I didn’t think you’d be so unbelievably stupid. You stupid, stupid girl.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry Cross. I didn’t mean to.”

He scoffed and leaned back. He brushed hair out of your face and stared at you, still unable to connect with your eyes. 

“Let’s get out of here.”

Crosshair hoisted you onto his back and drew his blaster from his hip. You held on tight. There was nothing you could do or say. You trusted him to get you out of there or you would die trying. Hope was slowly seeping into your veins. It was slowly reviving your faith. It was reminding you of what it felt like to be alive.

Although you couldn’t see, you could hear the opposition. Having you on his back didn’t seem to slow him down. You remembered what Crosshair looked like when he was focused and determined. Fighting separatist droids, cleaning his rifle, arguing with his brothers… 

“Hanging in there?” Crosshair threw over his shoulder at you. 

A small sound came from your throat. It was the best you could do. 

Before long you could feel the atmosphere open up into a large room. Is this the hanger? Blaster bullets shot through the air, some even close to you. Crosshair didn’t let anything touch you. He fought his way through the hanger and onto some kind of ship. He set you down in a crash seat and secured you with a harness. You could hear bullets hit the outside of the ship, some heavier artillery occasionally blasting into it. 

The ship was starting up. Being unable to see made you hear and feel things a little more differently. Right now you were trying to imagine what Crosshair looks like trying to pilot a ship. It’s always been Tech. You’d never get to see it. You’d never get to see him.

It was rough flying. However far away Crosshair was, he was working hard on getting the both of you free. The ship eventually entered hyperspace.

You still hadn’t moved. Your hands were gripped onto the safety harness. Your body felt frail in the seat. 

Crosshair’s presence announced itself with his walk. 

“Can you hear me?” he asked.

You nodded. “Yeah.”

He sneered. “Why did you come back?”

For a moment, you didn’t say anything. “I never left.”

Crosshair was angry. He worked so hard to get you a clean getaway from the Star Destroyer. And your dumb ass didn’t listen?

He unlocked the harness and lifted it over you. Your hands reached for some kind of stability and found it on Crosshair’s shoulders. He was kneeling before you.

“Can you… can you see anything?”

You tried moving your eyes around to hopefully, beggingfully see something. … Nothing. “No,” you whispered. 

Crosshair sighed out a breath that sounded like it fully deflated him. “Come here.”

You moved your head in a way that asked him what he meant. He then grabbed your hands and led you to the ground to sit. He maneuvered you to then sit between his legs. He hugged your back to his chest and held you tightly. You brought your knees up. One of his hands rested on your knee now. He adjusted himself just right to get comfortable and to also be able to hold you together the best he can.

“What are you doing, Crosshair?” you asked him with a little of a defeated tone.

He didn’t answer.

“Did you save me because you felt obligated to?”

Again, he didn’t answer.

Your head drifted around a bit. “Why–”

“Just shut up,” he said. 

You held your breath for a moment, then finally relaxed your tensed up body into him. For once, you listened to him and shut up. 

He let out a heavy sigh, and briefly increased his grip as a hug. “Let’s go home.”

[comshipbracket]

Antis DNI - Block the tag "comship" if this causes discomfort.

Remember, you are voting for the ship you prefer, not the ship you find more problematic

Propaganda for both ships under the cut.

Disclaimer: All ships (other than NozoCoco) on this bracket are FOLLOWER-SUBMITTED ships, the Mods do not always hold necessary knowledge to be aware of any errors or fanonizing what should be canon material that may arise.

Brujay Propaganda (Pseudo-Incest, Age Gap, Toxic Dynamic)

"This ship has everything a comshipper could want. Adopted father/son pseudo-incest. Age gap. They quite often hate each others guts. Bruce hates Jason because he uses guns and kills people. Jay hates Bruce for letting the Joker kill him and not avenging him. Jay tried to kill Bruce on more than one occasion. Bruce beat the hell out of Jay on even more occasions and did even try to kill him once. Jay has Masssssive daddy issues. Bruce has a delicious guilt complex about Jay's death. There's so much you can do with this ship. Maybe Bruce picked Jason to adopt because Jay was (canonically) a teenage hooker. Maybe Bruce saw teenage Jay running around in those booty shorts of his Robin suit and just couldn't not go after him.

Thoschei Propaganda (Abusive Dynamic, Obsessive Dynamic)

"The Doctor and The Master are childhood friends turned enemies and have remained enemies since. They've been through so much, The Doctor choosing to take the path of kindness and mercy while The Master took the path of control and command. The Master is the reason for The Doctor's death several times. When The Master was dying in one episode, The Doctor begged them to regenerate so that they could travel together, but The Master refused just to cause The Doctor more pain and distress. When The Doctor finally got their home planet back, The Master destroyed it again, murdering the entirety of the species and creating a new race of immortal Cyberman - enemies The Doctor has faced before. This was after, in a previous incarnation, The Master had converted several corpses into Cybermen to offer The Doctor an army, which was refused. It's gotten to the point where The Master, during one episode, decided to use a special manipulated regeneration to BECOME The Doctor. If that's not some form of malicious obsessive hatelove then I don't know what is. These two are SO bad for each other, but can't keep away from each other, and that's what makes them great."

[sofiasjornal]

House of Flame and Shadow 🌙 Review

Let me just say that I absolutely loved 90% of the book, it was perfect in many, ways. But that ending… it kinda spoiled the book for me…

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ and a half

Let’s start with that! I felt the built-up to the battle with the Asteri was bigger and more interesting than the battle itself. It ended way too quickly and too easily. The Asteri really didn’t put up that much of a fight. Two books leading up to this moment and then it just that? I was disappointed, not gonna lie. The battle needed more momentum and more magnitude, it felt really small. 

I also saw some comments about the crossover, of people disappointed that it was just Nesta and Azriel, and didn’t get a chance to see Feyre or Nyx, or even Mor. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to see them too, but the crossover was not a big reunion of all the characters. The purpose of the crossover was to find the connection with the trove and the starlight bloodline, the connection between the blades, and for that, only Nesta and Azriel are necessary. Maybe a novella would be different, but I think the crossover was done right, even in the bonus chapters (also, Sarah can you please stop with the different versions of the books and different chapters spread god knows where?! Thank you!)

As you may know, Bryce lost some of my affection during this book, her insensitive remarks to Hunt pissed me off so much. And even to Lidia, saying her kids are baggage, honestly, I don’t know how Lidia didn’t freak out on her. I get that she’s young and has the world on her shoulders, but it doesn’t feel like enough of an excuse. And Hunt was never a personal favorite of mine (I still liked him enough, though) so if this is really the last book where they are the main couple I don’t really mind it! Lidia and Ruhn carried the book anyway 😍 and I feel like SJM explored Bryce and Hunt’s relationship enough. The next one would definitely benefit from a different and fresh perspective. 

Also, I was never a fan of the whole Danika thing. I understand her importance to Bryce and to the story but how it was built made me really dislike her for some reason. I know she was brave and cared for Bryce deeply, and was willing to sacrifice (and did in the end) a lot for the cause. But she never sat right with me. And that whole bonus chapter where she just gets Bryce drunk (I know, I know, Bryce didn’t need any help, I know) it just made things worse. It was obvious she had a plan since the beginning and Bryce just went along because she cared deeply for her friend. And while I don’t doubt Danika’s affection and friendship with Bryce, at some point you have to wonder how much was real when Danika was hiding so much vital information, and not only about her cause, but about herself.

The rest of the book I liked just fine. Celestina should have died, and this is the hill I’m dying on. She deserved it. And she had no redemption at all to earn the mercy Bryce got her. The autumn king's death was spectacular! And Morven’s too! How I laughed, I was never that happy with characters dying. AND SABINE! This book had many, many happy moments for me 😂 I only felt bad about the Prime, he deserved a more dignified death than what he got and the way Sabine killed him… she deserved all that she got. And Sigrid? That little bitch! I know she’s not in control, she’s a freshly made reaper, probably still adjusting, running on instinct, but I mean… siding with Sabine? SABINE?! Ithan will be one hell of a prime, I just know it!

There were a few surprises that got me screaming. I think Lidia’s kids connect her with the spring court because of the fertility rite (but we’ll get to that!) and Hypaxja as the head of Flame and Shadow! I think the true wonders of Hypaxia’s power are still to be shown and I’m all for it! 

Now, I’m assuming the next book will be House of Many Waters, if SJM is following the house names. Here I think Tharion could definitely play a bigger role! HOFAS spent a lot of time setting him up, but also Hypaxia (who became the head of flame and shadow! and is also Lidia’s sister!) and Ithan! If Tharion and Hypaxia's friendship were to grow into something deeper, and Tharion somehow became the head of Many Waters, imagine the power couple!

But I have so many questions about this book and its connection to the others and other series! So many that I think maybe it’s better to put them in another post and organize them there 😅 otherwise this will never end!

[th3sp4rr0w]

Day Eight

A03 Link <- Starts at Chapter/Day One for those just joining us :))

Prompts For Day Eight Panic Attacks/Dissociation/Seizures

Alt. Prompt For Day Eight Electrocution

Prompts Used for Day Eight All

Tw's; Violence, Choking, Medical Talk, Seizures, Dubious Medical Accuracy, Past Child Death (does that count? I'mma count it), Dissociation, Panic Attack

Chapter eight under the cut :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following two and a half weeks were hell.

By that Monday, the media was spreading rumors around about Sheila’s death and Jason’s... compromised state. They had become vultures, camping out in front of the manor. More than once Alfred tried to shoo them off, stating it was a private family matter. They had a field day when Dick rushed through the doors in the middle of the night when he got back from his mission.

The bat cave had become a quiet, solemn place. Jason would’ve hated it, the way that Bruce walked around like a ghost and Dick sat vigil at his side. He would’ve made fun of them, telling them he’s not going anywhere. He’d probably hit them lightly and crack a joke to make them laugh just to get rid of the serious atmosphere.

While he wasn’t in a coma, per say, he was rarely concious and aware enough to do much of anything. The world passed by without him as he sat in his bed, healing. Bruce might’ve gotten him out of Ethiopia, but he was beginning to wonder if it would’ve been more merciful for the boy if he hadn’t.

They hadn’t been able to stitch his cheek. The burns looked almost as bad as the day he’d come in and were still huge infection risks. Lesli and Bruce had done their best to prevent that, all rigorous schedules and preventative measures. It was soothing that someone was as worried about his baby boy as he was, but it was suffocating all the same. Watching his little boy fight so hard yet-

They had started debating the merits of a medically induced coma. A couple of the times he’d woken up he irritated his injuries, setting them back days' worth of healing in seconds. For every step they took forwards, Jason took 2 steps backwards. Bruce had no doubts his baby boy was fighting, but how much fight could one person have left? Especially after such traumatic injuries?

Bruce stroked his hair gently. He adjusted the zebra they’d put in the bed with him, setting him more firmly in the crook of Jason’s arm. It really was amazing what people did in these types of situations; Bruce thinks this one colorful, nice toy may be the only reason he’s still in one piece.

He sighed. “I have to go now, Jay-lad,” he said softly. He ran a finger down his cheek gently, careful to avoid the cuts and bruises. “I promise I’ll be back after patrol,” he swore, “Lesli’s coming soon to change your dressings. I’ll see you later, sweetheart.”

He steeled himself. This was how he controlled the situation; Schedules. Patrol. Routine. Zebra plushy that he hoped like hell comforted Jason, even if he wasn’t completely aware of his surroundings at the moment.

He put on the cowl, and everything went away. He couldn’t afford being emotionally compromised on patrol; it was a good way to get killed. He had things to do and people to beat into the ground.

He knew Commissioner Gordon was getting concerned. He knew he was breaking Alfred’s heart, but he couldn’t help it. The part of his humanity, his better half, was sitting in that bed with Jason. Batman wasn’t feeling very merciful towards the same world that had put his baby, his son, in a hospital bed that he might not ever come out of.

He sat back, watching. Sometimes the shadows looked deeper than they were. The bat felt watched, but every time he tried to investigate what it was, something would happen.

He knew what the rumors on the street were. People had started saying that the bat had gone rogue, getting rougher and rougher with the criminals he caught. Pictures of the people he was hurting ended up online at one point. It was a shit show.

Several hours into his patrol, he heard a scream. He followed it.

Things don’t pause just because you’re going through something. That was something Bruce knew intimately, and it was something his boys knew, too. Yes, it sucked. Yes, it would be nice if you could just press pause on your life and mourn in peace, but that wasn’t an option. It never had been, and it never would be.

He found a purse snatcher harassing a woman. He punched the man, grabbing the purse back for the woman, who ran immediately. The man tried to kick his knee out, but the bat was faster, getting the guy on the ground with his arm around his neck.

“You think it’s funny to steal from people?” he growled out. The man shook his head. “Didn’t mommy ever teach you not to steal?” he asked, tightening his grip a fraction.

“Yes! She did!” the man yelped, tears starting to flow down his face.

“Then why’d you do it?”

The man didn’t respond. Batman heard a gasping sound, but he rolled his eyes. He wasn’t holding the man’s throat that hard. He tightened his grip just a fraction out of spite.

Click!

The noise was small. Small enough, it probably wouldn’t have been noticed if it wasn’t unusually quiet.

Batman’s hand flew to his belt, grabbing a baterang. He threw it into the shadows without a second thought, hearing a small shuffle. He heard it hit the wall. He heard feet, spinning maybe? Before they started running, near silently. Batman fished a zip tie out of his belt, sticking the purse snatcher’s hands together before he went to go after... whoever that was.

He got a signal from the cave, alerting him that someone had broken in. He cursed loudly.

He changed courses. He’d be investigating that later, but for now, he had a kid he needed to check on.

He raced to the cave, fearing the worst. Batman had adjusted the security in the cave a million times, but someone always managed to figure it out eventually. Staying two steps ahead meant paying attention all the time and he’d been so distracted; what if someone broke in to finish the job? Just to say they ki-

No , don’t think like that. He’s fine. Dick was always tripping his security, and with the boy back in the manor, it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility that it’d just been an accident and he was now trying his hardest to fix it without Batman knowing. He had left an hour before the bat had; maybe he ran into some trouble and had to run back to the cave.

The idea that his other boy might’ve been trying to hide an injury the way he’d done so many times before made him go a little faster.

When he got to the cave, he immediately went to the med bay. It was not protocol; he was supposed to clear just about everything else before the med bay, to make sure nobody could ambush them from behind. He’d been through it before, and it had saved his life a couple times. But this was different, all he could think of was his little baby bird, so vulnerable, so tiny for his age, so hurt and already had so many enemies. This was all his fault-

He saw something standing above his boy and saw red. He burst into the room, immediately taking the figure by the shoulders, his hands were shaking and-

“What do you think you’re doing?” he growled out.

“Well, I didn’t think that was how we greeted each other now,” the woman said.

His brain caught up to his body as he looked her up and down. “Talia,” his voice was a razor’s edge, “Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Beloved,” she started out, “I heard about Jason’s... condition. I had to see for myself.”

“Come to gloat?”

If she ever allowed herself to feel any sort of emotion, she probably would’ve looked hurt by the statement. As it was, she sniffed. “Why would I do that, beloved? Your pain brings me no joy,” she said.

Batman twitched, “Then why are you here?”

Talia hummed. “I may have a solution,” she offered.

The bat raised an eyebrow. Al Ghul solutions rarely aligned themselves with basic moral integrity so he’s sure this is going to be good. He grunted.

“There are always the pits,” she said.

“No.”

“Bruce-”

“No.”

“What other choice do you have, beloved?”

“He’ll live. I will make sure of it.”

“Beloved, you know as well as I do that there is nothing we can do to make certain of that. Let me heal him with the pits.”

“I’ve seen what those things do to people. What they did to your father. I will not put my son through that.”

“Beloved, we can deal with whatever side effects come up. As long as he lives, what does it matter?”

Batman narrowed his eyes. “Why are you being so insistent?”

Talia looked at him a moment. “There will come a day,” she said, “Where you will find something that I have hidden away for quite some time. And when that day comes, I hope this will help you to forgive me.”

The man looked over at Jason, checking over the equipment and making sure it was all in place. His eye caught something.

“You tucked his zebra in with him,” he murmured.

She stayed still. “What would make you think I did such a thing?”

Bruce took a deep breath. “He moves, sometimes. He can’t hold a conversation or eat or go to the bathroom on his own, but he shuffles every so often. We have to adjust his blankets and the zebra every few hours. They’re both in place right now. Besides,” he looked at her, “I always tuck it underneath his right arm. You’ve got it under his left.”

“Ever observant I see,” she brushed off the act.

Bruce looked down at his boy, brushing his hair out of his eyes for just a moment. He looked smaller and smaller these days, especially against Bruce’s gloved hands.

“Beloved,” she whispered, “He won’t survive like this much longer.”

Neither were good at tender care. It was a miracle this hadn’t devolved into a screaming match as it was. This was perhaps the most vulnerable either had ever been together.

Love could not fix all. He had learned that lesson time and time again with Selina; with Talia, it was like all previous experience flew out the window faster than Superman could.

“Talia,” he started, wetting his lips. “I...”

The heart monitor started to beep. Both adults snapped their heads over to the machine, showing that the heart rate had spiked dramatically. When they looked down at Jason, they saw he had gone stiff. He let out a soft groan.

“Jason?” Bruce asked. “You awake, chum?”

He didn’t answer. His jaw was clenched tight. Batman looked over him, trying to figure out what was wrong when it clicked. That was when he started convulsing.

The bat rolled him onto his side. “Talia, time it,” he barked out.

The boy’s head flopped, and his joints jerked.

The movies had always made it look like people just flopped like fish out of nowhere. Whenever someone had a seizure on the screen when he was little, Alfred would scoff at it, say something about how it wasn’t accurate and if they were going to portray it at all, they needed to do it correctly. As an adult, he didn’t necessarily disagree, but in moments like these, he understood why they went with that version. This was way more terrifying than the fish flopping motions of the big screen.

Jason drooled. Fresh blood in the saliva indicated that Jason had bitten something in his mouth, he’d have to check that. He knew he likely couldn’t comprehend anything right now, but he still whispered reassurances, nevertheless. At this point he wasn’t sure if they were for Jason or for himself.

It finally started slowing down. Residual jerks still hit his little body, but the seizure was over. Batman could see a wet spot in the sheets.

His blood pressure dropped for a few terrifying seconds before evening out. His heart rate had come down slightly from its peak during the seizure, but still had not come down to normal levels.

“How long?” he demanded, beginning to check tubes and adjust medications.

“Nearly six minutes,” Talia responded immediately. “Beloved-”

“I know,” he snapped. He started stripping the sheets.

Talia left the room. He supposed that meant she was done with him.

He put the soiled sheets in a pile on the floor to be cleaned up later.

As he worked, he felt a presence enter the room. He spared a glance at the door.

Talia placed the clean sheets on a chair by the bed. A bowl of warm water was placed on the table. She pulled a rag from her pocket and wet it, ringing it out before bringing it to Jason’s lips, gently wiping the saliva from his injured cheeks.

They had once known each other’s next move as easy as breathing. They had discerned what the other was thinking with just a glance, had never found the need to communicate with anything except for their own unspoken language. To love so intimately was what most people only dreamed of. Sometimes, however, to love is to be loved. Neither had ever been taught how, that gentle touches and intimate gestures meant everything to a relationship.

In a way, this was why they could never work out. Talia would always yearn to be chosen over everything. Bruce would always choose something else before her; the mission, the city, his kids. She would always choose her father over him. Neither had ever loved something so intimately that it was never a question of choosing. They loved each other, sure. If this were a ‘Once Upon a Time’ fairy tale with a ‘And They All Lived Happily Ever After’ ending, they’d certainly be the perfect couple for the story. Maybe if they had been just a bit more mature all those years ago, they wouldn’t be sitting in silence tending over an injured child in near-perfect synch now.

The silence between them was a cool calm and an earth-shattering explosion all in one. The fragile truce between them ached. The past could not be undone; this was what fighting for the future looked like.

It was Talia who broke the tender silence, nearly done wiping off the completely unconscious boy.

“You know it must be done if he is to survive,” she said gently.

Bruce held the clean sheets. “I know,” he said eventually.

“But will you do it?”

The question was not unkind. Bruce stood still.

“Beloved, you are killing yourself trying to care for him,” she wrapped herself around him, “Let me do this for you. Take him to the pits.”

Bruce took a breath. “Fine. I’ll take him to the pits,” he said softly. “But we’re not dunking him.”

Talia looked at him like he had grown a second head. “What do you mean by that?”

He fell back into “Batman” as easily as breathing. This was the hardest part of loving Bruce; at the end of the day, he would always be the bat first and Bruce second.

“I have a plan,” he said simply.

He took the cot gently, unhooking parts of the equipment to make it mobile before walking towards the transportation area of the cave. He gestured her to follow.

She waited for him to elaborate. When it was clear he’d need more prompting, she asked, “What is your plan, beloved?”

He stayed silent for a second. “Microdosing the waters.”

She blinked. She hadn’t the faintest idea what that was supposed to mean in this context.

She didn’t ask. She knew she wouldn’t get an answer and she wasn’t one to waste her breath begging for one.

The Bat prepared the plane quickly, double checking fuel levels, rations, and medical supplies before they prepped Jason, propping up his legs and arms. They worked in synch to check and recheck tubes and wires, moving the monitor onto the plane near the cot.

“Are you flying, or am I?” Talia asked.

The bat grunted. “You’re the one who knows where we’re going,” he said simply.

She nodded and went to the front of the plane.

Tension between her and her father had been rising as of late. She knew within the next few years she’d be sending her own baby to live with this very man. Knowing this, hearing about Jason was like getting ice water dumped on her head. In truth, she had visited to see what kind of man lets his son be caught so unprepared.

She knew he was soft. Richard had proven that time and time again. Bruce had had his patience tested by both boys' numerous times, but this had taken the cake.

She set her course to an island she was certain her father had forgotten about. The Lazarus pit there had just formed and was currently undiscovered by anyone except herself.

She had been meaning to kidnap the child herself and take him to the pit. If the bat couldn’t protect his, he wouldn’t be able to protect hers. She knew it would be a stretch, but in that moment, she had a dream and a half-formed plan. She hadn’t expected to...

She wasn’t soft. She had just realized Bruce cared for the boy a little more than she realized initially, seeing the colorful little zebra plush he had with him. The same one Bruce had been careful not to knock off the medical cot, even during the grand mal seizure.

Seeing it by his side was... clarifying for her. Bruce would stop at nothing for his boys.

She was not blind, nor incompetent. She knew that one day, no matter if she wanted to or not, she would no longer be able to protect her own son. She knew that the day was coming when her father would want to push him to the ground, and she knew that, although he wasn’t weak by any stretch of the imagination, he would not get back up.

When that day came, Bruce would be his best bet for survival.

So, she had picked the thing up. She had adjusted the child’s blankets and tried not to think about how small he was for his age. She tucked the toy under his arm and pretended her heart didn’t ache and mourned for the time she wasted not doing this for her son. She purposely triggered the alarm system and waited.

She flipped switches and double-checked flights and wind patterns, pushing the plane just a little faster.

She knew her beloved would not reject him. He was too good of a man for that. But she also knew that it would likely change their relationship in a way that could not be reversed. She probably deserved it to be for the worse, keeping this secret from him as long as she had.

Seeing how much effort he put into the care and attention he was giving his son, she hoped doing this for them would make their relationship change for the better. That when he hated her and cursed her name, he would remember what she’d done and realize she had good reason.

She could only hope he would not come to resent the time they’d spent together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Running from a government agency and his parents was both easier and harder than Danny had assumed it would be.

After getting out of Amity, it was about two days before Danny saw traces of the GIW. He wore hoodies and long pants to help minimize the number of times he’d be recognized, and he’s pretty sure the agents he spotted weren’t looking for him.

Team Phantom had started stirring up the pot with help from Star. They were biding their time, waiting for the shit storm to get just a little bigger before they strike. It hadn’t been hitting anything other than local news so far, but they had started seeing a couple people that didn’t live in the town start posting about the weird things that go on in Amity.

He’d been trying to take random buses and trains to Metropolis. There was a reporter there that was killer at reporting human rights violations, and she would absolutely eat this up. She had enough credibility and notoriety to blow this up. He’d probably be homeless until Jazz moved out for college, but at least his existence wouldn’t be illegal anymore.

You’d think that running from the literal government agency trying to commit genocide against his people would be the hardest part about this. Hell, he’d have put money on creating a social media buzz before he guessed what the most difficult part would be.

“I’m sorry, kid,” the bus attendant didn’t sound very apologetic, “I just can’t book you a ticket. You need an adult.”

Danny sighed. “I understand,” he said, pulling out an extra $100. “If there’s truly nothing you can do...”

The attendant looked unimpressed, pressing the money he’d tried giving them for the ticket back into his hand. “There’s not.”

… Yeah. Turns out, people care way more about kids getting on buses and trains alone than he realized. Home Alone made it look so easy.

He could normally find someone willing to make an exception for the right price, but luck was not on his side today. He had to catch this bus though; it was the only one going to New Jersey, period , for days. He’d wasted enough time going random places to lose the GIW. He didn’t have days; every second they waited to drop this was another second it was legal to hunt ghosts. They’d already noticed ghosts going missing and it had only just clicked where they were going.

He looked around. He hated having to do this, but something about desperation and measures, right?

He spotted a big family he could probably blend into. A couple of the kids were older than him, the rest looked younger. The younger kids were getting super fussy. They had a baby with them. They all had black hair. They all had bags. Perfect.

He fell into line behind them. He moved his backpack from his back to slightly in front of him to prevent it from getting looted.

The parents up front talked to the ticket people. The blood rushed in his ears as he followed them through and on the bus behind them. They didn’t question it as he boarded the bus.

He stuck close to the family in case the driver looked back. He held his bag in his lap as he pulled out the NEW new phone Tucker and Sam had given him. He thought it was overkill to get a whole new phone and number, but they’d been paranoid that his new-old one would get tracked. They had new group chats, they made him new social media, the whole works. They’d made vague plans before in case this happened, but he didn’t know they’d put that much thought into it.

At least Tucker had the forethought to download the new Dumpty Humpty album onto this phone. He hadn’t gotten the chance to listen to it yet.

He pressed play after connecting his headphones. The music flooded his ears and soothed him.

He felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked over to see one of the kids from the family he’d followed onto the bus.

He took out an earbud. “... Yes?”

“Is that the new Dumpty Humpty album?”

“Yeah?”

“That’s so cool! I haven’t gotten the chance to listen to it yet.”

Danny nodded and offered an earbud. “Wanna listen with me? This is my first listen through myself.”

The kid’s face lit up. “Yes!”

They sat together, listening to the album. Danny figured this was the best way to pay them back for their unwitting service.

The hours they were on the bus was nice compared to the walking he’d done recently. He was wary of using his powers for the most part.

He was... almost shocked at how good his luck was being right now... then the bus stopped about an hour before it was supposed to. Everybody stood up.

He stood with them, out of options. The kid he’d sat with struck a conversation with him and they swapped numbers. They parted ways after making sure the numbers were correct.

Danny pretended he wasn’t flipping out inside as he tried to figure out where the hell he’d ended up.

He finally caught a sign and cursed under his breath. Out of all the places-

He took a deep breath. He was in Gotham City.

… At least nobody would question it if a teenager was alone. They might not even question it if a kid wanted to rent a hotel room by himself, like they certainly would in Metropolis. The only cons were just about everything else.

Also, he was pretty damn sure he was in another ghost’s haunt. This was so bad; he was so fucked.

He knew he couldn’t stay in the station. He could figure out if there was a bus that took him close to the sunshine city tomorrow; right now, it was too late for a bus to be running. He made his way out of the station and into the city.

It was nighttime, which was... not great. He didn’t know much about Gotham, but he knew it was colossally stupid to be out at night. Everyone was pretty sure that the giant man bat that flew around and his robins were fake, but the villains and crime rates were extremely real.

He spotted a 24-hour café. Perfect.

He peaked in, seeing a child smaller than him getting a coffee. There were a couple of adults around. Nobody particularly sleazy looking- he was pretty sure they were just college students. He was about to go inside when he felt something cold bubble in his chest. He brought his hand to his mouth before the frost could spew out so it looked like he took a hit off a vape, assuming anyone was watching.

He looked around, spotting something on the roof. Something told him he wanted to go up there. He sighed.

He got a bad feeling. His instincts weren’t always correct, but this was so visceral he decided he needed to listen to it. He walked into the shop.

He walked over to the little kid. “Hi,” he greeted.

He gave him a weird look. “... Hi?”

“I’ll give you $300 if you watch my bag,” he said. “If you want to leave before I get back, bring it with you, please.” The words came out of his mouth before he knew what he was saying.

The kid blinked owlishly at him. “What?”

“Look,” he said, “My entire life’s in here. I need to go see someone,” he really hoped the spirit of Gotham was nice- “I need you to watch my bag, but if I don’t come back in like, 20 minutes, take it with you.”

The kid looked at him for a few more seconds before nodding. “Keep your money. Go do whatever it is you need to do, Jason.”

Danny paused. You know what? Not gonna question it.

“Thanks, kid,” he said, already walking out, “I’ll probably be back!”

He missed the look the kid shot at him as he rushed out the door and into an alley. Danny assumed he’d probably think he was participating in illegal activities. He just hoped he didn’t ditch his bag somewhere.

He transformed in the alley behind a dumpster. He flew up towards the rooftop he’d seen the figure on and landed.

“Um, I assume you wanted to see me?” he said nervously.

A woman with kinky black hair in an afro turned to face him. Her skin was shiny with dark, swirling colors, like an oil slick. Her eyes were like honey; golden brown and sweet. They bore into him like they were seeing his very soul. She smiled; her teeth were like white stars. She felt safe; like she was a grandmother ushering him inside for a home-cooked meal and a hot shower after getting caught in the rain.

She also felt like she was a force to be reckoned with when she had something to protect, and she gave off the vibe that she had plenty of things still worth protecting.

“Yes. Welcome to my city, great one.”

He startled out a laugh. “Sorry, I didn’t expect you to call me that,” he apologized immediately.

“It’s quite alright,” she reassured. “It’s just not every day I see other ghosts that did not pass within my haunt.”

“I’m sorry,” he said immediately. “I did not mean to be here.”

“Small one,” the nickname felt right coming from her, “You have been mine from day one. You have always been welcomed here.”

“What do you mean?”

“You are still alive,” she said instead of answering. “And yet you are dead. A perfect balance,” she surmised.

“That’s one way to put it,” he chuckled nervously.

She looked him up and down. “You would be good for my knights,” she said. “They have also lost a great deal recently.

He immediately thought of the news that had been circulating around. “You mean the Waynes’?”

Her smile was sad. “Yes, though at this time of day, we call them the bats.”

Danny’s brain screeched to a halt. “What?”

“I must leave now, small one,” she said, not unkindly. “You are welcome within my haunt at any time. I am sorry for everything that has happened. I mourn for what must happen,” she ended.

“What?” he repeated. This didn’t make sense.

She cupped his cheek. “I always forget how little they are,” she muttered to herself. “So small. So troubled. Already so hurt.”

She kissed his cheek, and she was gone.

He sat, thinking of what she said. The weight of the situation hit him all at once, and suddenly, he couldn’t think.

His body stopped feeling like his. Like he had overshadowed someone and forgot. He almost looked down to make sure he hadn’t.

His brain felt too full, yet incredibly empty. His thoughts were too fast to capture for more than a few seconds before they slipped away like sand.

What did she mean? Hadn’t he been through enough? What had his mom meant? What did the spirit mean when she said he was hers-

Everything was nothing and nothing was everything. Up was down and down was left. Nothing made sense anymore. He felt fragile in a way he hadn’t felt for a long time; like he was a little kid again and got separated from his parents in a supermarket. He’d tried being strong. Being strong meant nothing if you still lost the people you loved to things you couldn’t control.

His feet hit the roof. He started to pace.

What did she mean? What did she mean? What did she mean-

He heard something hit the roof besides him. He heard the buzz and the crackle of electricity, mixing with the haze that had clouded his mind.

He was 14, hanging out with his friends-

“What are you doing here-”

They were in the lab-

“Stop.”

“Go inside the portal, Danny” “Wouldn’t it be fun, Danny” “It’ll be fine, Danny-”

“What?”

He stepped inside-

“Stop it, stop-”

He tripped-

“Hey, what’s going on, bud?”

He saw green.

He shot a green ball involuntarily. The crackle turned into a roar as-

White. White light blinded his vision. He screamed.

His left hand ached, but he couldn’t force it away from the live wire-

Every time he thought it was over,

Ԍ

ԌЯ

ԌЯЄ

ԌЯЄЄ

ԌЯЄЄҊ

It suffocated him. He was going to die, he was gonna die, he was dead-

The same thing killing him was reviving him over, and over, and over-

“Kid!” he heard a shout.

He whimpered. This was awful, why couldn’t-

Where was-

“Jazz!” he wailed.

“What?”

“Jazz!”

He wanted her to hug him. He’d been awful to her this week, she was just trying to make sure he had a good transition into high school-

What?

With that thought, everything stopped. He snapped back to reality, exhausted. His scars glowed and ached. There was a little blue man in front of him.

“Hey, buddy,” he said, trying to be soothing. “You back with me?”

He opened his mouth. Nothing came out.

His hearing started being weird. The chatter of the street down below was deafening before it was silent. He was numb.

The panic that had filled his body just moments before was gone in favor of just... nothing. It was like his head got stuffed with newspaper where his brain should be.

He wasn’t in his body but there was nowhere else for him to be. The little blue man kept talking, he could see him talking, but he couldn’t follow where the conversation was supposed to be going.

The little blue man started looking at him closer. He reached his hand out to touch him.

He tried to move his body to avoid it. It was like he was a puppet that had been cut free of its strings and lost the ability to move. The little blue man pulled him to his chest.

He could feel tears in his hair. The man must be crying. He wished he could comfort him. He wanted to get out of his grip and figure out what made the blue man upset, but he just... couldn’t.

He watched the world pass by them. He could see the kid with his backpack leave the café. Somewhere inside him he recognized he needed to go get it. He wanted to.

He felt like a doll. Just a tiny porcelain thing, being stuck at the whimsy and fantasy of a child somewhere. He imagined a field of flowers, soft, sunny and warm. The marigolds would consume him someday, but for now he was content-

He tried to focus on the man hugging him and weeping. He felt like he was watching someone else’s life. This wasn’t meant for him.

The man held him like he was something precious and not a stain or something to be disgusted by. He kept saying something. The words passed through him like-

He felt a jolt from his left hand all the way to his chest. His scars throbbed a glowing green.

He couldn’t muster up enough energy to react as it burned. If he focused too hard, he could smell burnt flesh that wasn’t there. The man put a hand in his hair.

It was funny. His hands were like his mom’s, but he pet him like Jazz does.

A redhead landed on the roof next to them, beginning to speak. He couldn’t understand her, either, but he wanted to. He tried to open his mouth to speak. Nothing came out.

It felt like he would be useless forever. The feel of the suit against his body was jarring as he was moved. He tried to focus on the man.

“... Just like Jace, Babs.”

“Codenames, Nightwing,” the woman said, not unkindly. “And I don’t think he’s Robin.”

“What if-”

“’Wing, look,” she said softly, grabbing his hand and tracing the burning scars. “Rob doesn’t have these.”

“What if-”

“Batman’s got him,” she assured him.

His brain tuned out the noise again, even as they continued speaking. The woman kept glancing at him. He thought she was asking him questions.

The man scooped him up, securing him tight against his chest.

The world was passing by in a... literal blur? He wasn’t sure of what was going on. He thought he could feel cold wind on his face, like he was flying, but then his stomach would drop and they’d be flying again.

There was something to be said about it. The assured way he carried him through the city, never once losing his grip. How they never once faltered or hesitated, going through the city. He never got that in Amity.

He’d never had the luxury of being able to feel truly secure in his city. He’d always been the weird kid, the Fenton kid. The one with the odd parents and weird older sister.

Then he died and his parents opened a portal to hell in their basement. Being a vigilante might’ve been a dream come true for some kid out there, but not for him. The role was thrust upon him by fate, calling his name like a siren song. It made his head feel stuffed full of cotton and his heart ached with what he could’ve been.

He sensed none of that here. The frost that had coated his body slowly began to thaw. They... liked doing this, didn’t they? They had chosen to do this.

They moved through their city like they had been doing it all of their lives. They pretty much had. He found himself in awe of them as he felt more human by the second, beginning to see his surroundings for the very first time.

Was this what people meant when they said they wanted to be a hero? Was this why people kept getting into hero work? He’d never known it could be something to love.

He thought of the spirit of the city.

He had never known that being a hero could’ve been something that loved back.

[gctchell]

In her "from now on ; home again" verse, I purposefully leave the way Lilith was able to gain her leave from Heaven vague (outside of If You Do Not Let Her Go , Bad Things Will Happen ) for fun possibilities and different explanations, and one of the situations I like to think of is Lilith finding out about the Extermination upon the Hotel from Lute and immediately accosting her.

Lute does her best to put up a fight, she's running on pure adrenaline, rage, and heartache from battle and that does get her some leeway, but Lilith is an ancient being, and Lute is just fresh from being beaten in battle. Ultimately, Lute is caught within the nightmare weave of Lilith's hair and constricted, dragged into Queen's grasp and bitten deeply in the neck, and rendered down to seven years of the original vampire's curbed bloodlust.

While not drank to the point of comatose or even death, she is to the point of only being able to hang like a doll within Lilith's arms, barely conscious, and still finding it within full right to be pissed off about the situation. Everything is a blur, only configuring to muffled speaking and clearing just enough to see an alarmed Sera gawking at her. Her hearing bleeds in and out in terms of clarity, but she does hear the most important part of the conversation;

Lilith is demanding she be let free, and if she is rejected, that will come with the penalty of Lute's death before an audience to show just how merciless the supposed merciful Sera is.

Lute feels a watered down confidence that her own personal refusal is made clear. She swears she hears herself say; "Don't you do it, don't you let this bitch return to Hell. She's OURS. Don't give her what she wants!" -- everyone else hears 'don't let' and 'bitch' amongst a spill of slurring. Everyone present knows Lute enough to get her point.

The tension is palpable. All eyes, innocent and horrified, are on Sera. Lilith is shortening the time, tilting Lute's head with two fingers and keeping her eyes on one of the Speakers for the Voice of Heaven, all willingness to make the scenario into a nightmare.

Sera breathes deep, and tells her she may go.

Lute is dropped in a heap, and Lilith departs immediately.

Lute is pissed. Pissed. Pissed at Lilith, and pissed at Sera. She doesn't have the energy to express it outside of hissing and growling, and slurs riddled with curses, but she is making it as audible as she can as she is taken to the infirmary.

From that point on, she has it out for the Morningstars personally - namely Lilith. Adam is gone, and where he had holes in his neck from being bitten by Lilith for the first time many, many ages ago in Eden, Lute, as an ironic and sick twist of fate, now bears the same in her neck. Golden and glowing.

This little route could definitely be called 'lute's no good very bad day' lmao

[lindajenni]

mar 5

till there was no remedy "but they mocked the messengers of God, despised His words, and scoffed at His prophets, until the wrath of the Lord arose against His people, till there was no remedy." 2 chron 36:16 scripture even tells us that He shall not always strive with man. (psa 103:9)  it also tells us there is a measure of sin which He will allow.  He is patient, loving and merciful but will He forget to be gracious at some point. i know the sinful nature of mankind tends to push everything to it's limits; to get by with as much as they can.  but one can never "get by" with anything with God.  "there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account." heb 4:13 there will indeed be a giving account of, whether it be good or bad.  "for we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad." 2 cor 5:10  none of us know how much time we have left to add to the "good side," before that accounting will be required. remorse is memory awake, her companies astir a presence of departed acts at window and at door. its past set down before the soul, and lighted with a match, perusal to facilitate of its condensed despatch remorse is cureless — the disease not even God can heal for t'is His institution — the complement of hell emily dickinson yes, there is no remedy for regret when death has sealed it's door.  there is also a full measure of sin allotted to everything and everybody.  and then: "so the angel thrust his sickle into the earth and gathered the vine of the earth, and threw it into the great winepress of the wrath of God." rev14:19 test His graciousness and patience no further.  "do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?  do not be deceived.  neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.  and such were some of you." 1 cor 6:9-11 WERE is the key word here.  were you washed only to return to wallow in the mud again?  God forbid.  regret will last an eternity while deceptive distractions only a moment.  decide this day whom you will serve and add resolve to your commitment.  then, and only then will there be a remedy.

[dagaelizardz]

It is not only the text of EPIC and the Odyssey that is different, but also the worlds they came from that lead to the changes in how they are written. Homer’s portrayal of the underworld is interesting because it differs from even how the underworld was viewed religiously at the time. In “A Lively Afterlife and Beyond: The Soul in Plato, Homer, and the Orphica” it states, “… or Odysseus and his mother are notable for their pathos, but, while these few passages clearly articulate the idea that the shades of the dead live mindless and meaningless existences, the other references to the life after death are much less marked, suggesting that audience needs less grounding to accept the ideas of lively afterlife introduced in them.” The author continues the article explaining that they most evidence points to the afterlife being a much more fair and much less bleak place than Homer’s works portray them as, such as in the Odyssey, and elaborating on how it is likely the ancient Greeks thought of it as much closer to how it is described in the Orphica. However, in modern times we view the ancient Greek afterlife much closer to how Homer describes it, for two reasons. The first is Christianization and the idea that all underworlds must be like hell and all death gods must be like Satan. The second, and the more important in this instance, is that Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey are two of the most popular out of most Greek classic literature. Despite their portrayals of the underworld being largely symbolic, Homer’s works have set the modern public’s perception of the Greek afterlife to an idea shockingly far from the truth. Interestingly, EPIC and other works have had a similar effect on the Odyssey. Due to EPIC’s popularity, many people who are not knowledgeable in Greek myth have been tuning in, and learning information that is not necessarily accurate to the original myth. And while some may argue that this is a bad thing, and that we must make sure the youth learn more from the original, there is something to be said for the act of transformation having a positive effect. Some fans of EPIC have begun reading the Odyssey and other Greek classics, leading them down a pipeline of engaging and thought-provoking works surrounding Greek mythos. Learning more about EPIC and wanting to see how it has changed the Odyssey may lead some to an impactful learning experience, and that seems to be exactly what it deserves. It must also be noted that there are no mentions of sacrifices to the shades in EPIC, and it seems as though crew are traveling past or to the shades as apposed to the shades being drawn to the pool of blood as is the case in the Odyssey.

At the end of the day, all of the changes Jay has made to the original story of “The Underworld Saga” in EPIC have served a purpose. Whether it was to advance the themes of ruthlessness and mercy, due to character roles being changed for the sake of those themes, or due to the constraints of the medium, EPIC has served as a captivating retelling that has stolen the hearts of many on the internet. It tells a tale that is, well, epic. “The Underworld Saga” is a beautiful spiral, showing a broken man’s downward spiral caused by the tragedy the gods have dealt him. This plot fundamentally agrees with the original epics of Homer’s day, being ominous warnings of how the hubris of both man and god have unending repercussions.

EPIC: The Musical vs The Odyssey: Ruthlessness, Mercy, Grief, and Transformation (and Bards)

In 2019, a college student started writing. It was a small project, a musical. Years later he would say in a Q&A that, “I knew I wanted to write a musical that was large in scale, had many characters, fight scenes, monsters, spells, ships, and larger than life themes (The Michigan Daily).” 5 years later, and that very project, EPIC: The Musical, has reached the end of its first act. The Odyssey is the perfect myth for EPIC to be based on, being the story of a broken middle-aged man trying desperately to reach his home, yearning for his family. On this quest, he is aided and deterred by gods, monsters, and hosts of other mythical beings. This story of hardship and divine intervention fit in perfectly to the story Jay wanted to tell. However, there are still changes that Jay has been making over the course of the story, walking the fine line between keeping it recognizable while shaping it to the story he wants to tell. Jay has taken the basic plot of the Odyssey, shifting it into a story that explores the grey area between ruthlessness and mercy, and if there is a way to use both. This comes to a head in “The Underworld Saga”, where Odysseus sees exactly what each has caused him to lose. It is important to dissect “The Underworld Saga” to see how Jay has adapted The Odyssey into a story about ruthlessness, hubris, and to question if maybe, sometimes, it’s ok to greet the world with open arms.

One of the more controversial changes in “The Underworld Saga”, as opposed to Book XI of The Odyssey, is Polites replacing Elpenor’s spot in it. However, this can barely be called a replacement, as the characters serve unrelated narrative functions, and differing relations to Odysseus in both sources. In the Odyssey, Elpenor dies by falling off the roof of Circe’s home while intoxicated. His body is left crumpled behind the house as Odysseus and the crew are preoccupied by other matters. When Odysseus traverses to the underworld, he is met with the shade of Elpenor who begs for a proper funeral and burial, with a small monument to honor him. He is angry at Odysseus for not mourning him, angry that he hadn’t even realized he died. The scene is heartbreaking, ending with Odysseus promising to do as he is asked before proceeding on to different shades.This is in stark contrast to EPIC, in which Elpenor is not even mentioned by name. During “The Ocean Saga” Elpenor can be heard singing backup, sometimes being a part of the chorus during said Saga. The only allusion to his death is during the first song of “The Underworld Saga”, aptly named “The Underworld”, in which the line “558 men, who died under your command” is sung by the dead crew. This line is more “easter egg” than a real mention. The reason it is a reference to Elpenor is that previously, in the song “Ruthlessness” at the end of Tthe Ocean Saga”, Poseidon sings, “43 left under your command.” This is after he has killed the majority of Odysseus’ fleet, replacing the Laestrygones plot wise. Many fans asked Jay, having taken notice of this, having previously believe that no one had died during “The Circe Saga”. Jay addressed this in a YouTube Short, explaining that this is in reference to Elpenor, and that Jay thought it would be funny if the character who’s entire significance is that Odysseus forgot about him was seemingly forgotten even by the writer, having been forgot by all but his fellow shades.

Even without the forgot Elpenor, there is still a dead crew member from whom Odysseus gets a personal visit in EPIC. This crew member is Polites. In the original Odyssey, Polites is just another crew member. He is only briefly mentioned, being one of the victims of Zeus’s lightning strike much later in the epic. In EPIC however, Polites becomes a vital character, and is boosted to the rank of Odysseus’ best friend. The theme of EPIC, the big moral idea, is a battle between ruthlessness and mercy. Polites exists firmly as the pinnacle of mercy. Previously, during “The Troy Saga”, Polites sings the song “Open Arms,” in which he tells Odysseus about how he should “greet the world with open arms”, so to speak. Odysseus is hesitant, however takes his advice and does not kill the lotus eaters. While this seems to benefit them in the short term, it leads them to the cyclops Polyphemus’s cave, leading to Polyphemus killing several crew members, including the cyclops himself. Odysseus, trying to honor Polites’ memory, does not kill Polyphemus, only blinding him, telling Athena in “Remember Them”, “What good would killing do? When mercy is a skill more of this world could learn to use.” This has a tragic effect however, as sparing Polyphemus’s life invokes the wrath of Poseidon, the father of all cyclopes. Poseidon proceeds to kill all but 43 of Odysseus’ men in a boss battle style fight that was not in The Odyssey, teaching Odysseus the lesson that ruthlessness is the only way to survive. This is all revisited in “The Underworld”, where Odysseus winds up face to face with Polites’ shade, who sings his line from “Open Arms” one last time, “this life is amazing, when we greet it with open arms. Whatever we face, we’ll be fine if we’re leading from the heart! No matter the place, we can light up the world here’s how to start: greet the world with open arms, greet the world with open arms.” This segment is made more poignant when Jay reveals in a YouTube short that much like shades in the original epic lacking many of their original memories until they drink offered blood, the shades in EPIC repeat the last thing they thought before they died. This means that Polites was still so sure of mercy and peace, even as it killed him. is none other than Odysseus’ mother Anticleia, who died while he was gone to war. In both EPIC and the Odyssey, this scene is heartbreaking. In EPIC, she is voiced by Jay’s own mother, providing a heart wrenching display for the audience. As soon as Polites finishes, his mother begins to sing. She sings about how she has been waiting for Odysseus to return home, and how she loves and longs for her son. The pair have a short duet, as Odysseus laments how he has “took too long” and “ventured too far,” with Anticleia telling him how she has been waiting, and that when he gets home, she will be there. This is, of course, not true, as she died before Odysseus managed to enter the underworld. As was mentioned previously about Polites, the same remains true with Anticleia, meaning that she remained waiting hopefully till the very end.

The Odyssey has a much more tragic twist for Odysseus unfortunately. Odysseus first sees his mother after having spoken to Elpenor but must make sure that Tiresias will have enough blood, so he forces himself to ignore her, weeping as he does. When Tiresias has finally finished his prophesy after having drunken most of the blood, Odysseus lets his mother come forth. He tries to embrace her, but due to her ghostly form fails each time. They converse, with Anticleia asking him why he is in the underworld, leading Odysseus to explain his journey to her. He asks about his family, and she details the mourning that his family is going through. After explaining their suffering, she speaks on her own death, saying, “ heaven did not take me swiftly and painlessly in my own house, nor was I attacked by any illness such as those that generally wear people out and kill them, but my longing to know what you were doing and the force of my affection— this it was that was the death of me.” It is generally accepted that she died by hanging herself from the grief. Odysseus is devastated, both at her death and once more at his inability to embrace her. He blames Persephone for making him suffer, but Anticleia corrects him, explaining that all people are like this when dead. While both are incredibly poignant, the time constraints of EPIC being a two-hour musical (as compared to the Odyssey being a musical performance done over the course of what scholars presume was three days) “The Underworld Saga” shows quite clearly the detriment to storytelling that shorter time frames can pose.

[sweetobsessive]

May I request a few headcanons for Gorou, Itto, and the Archons with an impostor au! darling who has no memories of their life as a god and very strong morals? Once the truth comes out, the entire population is expecting a divine beatdown, but to everyone's shock, not a singular person is harmed. All they get is a middle finger and one or two kicks in the balls because that's what they deem appropriate with their human mindset.

Darling views the world strongly - they would be no better than those who attacked them if they did something just as bad - or worse - back to them, right? ...And they'd be lying if they said they didn't have a soft spot for some of the characters - who would be able to stomach hurting someone you'd spent so much time with? (Stockholm syndrome?)

As for Gorou, he looks so much like a... if you'll excuse the pun, kicked puppy. He'll constantly beg for Darling's love back - they built him so quickly after getting him! And then he threw it away, ordering the Sangonomiya troops to hunt down the Imposter. He'll constantly beg for Darling's attention, and they can't help but hug him tightly when he immediately repents. ...And maybe they take advantage to touch his ears. He flinches, but lets you do whatever you want. He's probably expecting some sort of punishment from you - he betrayed your trust, after all! But nope, you'll just ask for his presence everyday as you do your new godly duties. He'll probably relax eventually.

Itto's in a constant state of guilt, trying to cover it up with his normal exuberance. He just keeps the Arataki Gang going, recovering resources while Teyvat's in chaos and confusion. The Gang themselves probably notice, and end up asking the Traveler a favor to bring you to their base - they are pretty observant, and seeing Itto mope like that is uncharacteristic - so much that they're genuinely concerned at that point. The Traveler's hesitant, but you interrupt them, asking if they would. Traveler probably does end up coming with you - for protection. Itto ends up glomping you in a hug (that you're probably suffocating in) and promising over and over that he's never going to do anything remotely awful to you ever again. He wasn't a large part of the hunt - after all, his redemption of the Blue Oni shows that he's willing to see both sides of the story, especially with his reputation as a 'bad guy' in some parts of Inazuma. But he didn't help matters, probably stepping out of the way and focusing on the gang instead of you, being beat up literally in front of his eyes. He expects some form of retribution, but instead you hug him back, flicking him on the forehead with a poorly feigned scowl.

"You want punishment? Fine." And he blinks because wow you're really a god after all - only someone so divine could be so merciful. He probably bounces back pretty quickly - he's Arataki Itto after all! And if he's a little more protective of you after, no one says anything.

Zhongli gets a kick in the shin. (I'm sorry Zhongli's always the one who's the most ruthless next to Ei and I like Ei more) He flinches, going from a standing position to a kneeling position, carefully cradling his leg. You scowl down at him, before turning to one of your guards.

"He was the one who almost got me with a spear, right?" The guard nods, and you turn back to him.

"That's payback, bitch." And you turn and leave with nary another look at him. He's almost bewildered, even with his leg throbbing. (Seriously shin kicks hurt it's so unfair) He tries to call out to you, but your guard advances until you're out of sight, blocking him from reaching you.

Slowly, he learns that you never bestowed any punishment any more severe than the one you'd given to him. He weeps tears of bitterness, knowing that you'd been extremely merciful. The Imposter would've declared death to them and all the branches of their family - would've made their anger and rage and sorrow known. Hell, even the Archons - himself included - would've not let it go. And yet you'd only given him a brief moment of pain and left. You really were the Divine Being, weren't you. He probably ends up leaving you alone, regretting everything he did. He'll end up staying as still as the stone he commands, sitting on a chair in a room, reflecting. Until he can be sure he's changed enough that you'll accept him back as part of your Inner Court, he won't move. Not until he can guarantee it. He needs your forgiveness, and it will break him if you deny him it.

Venti's openly sobbing into your clothing. It's strange, isn't it? Just a few months ago, his eyes were cold and frozen, bow string pulled back to deliver a killing blow without mercy. The abrupt personality shift probably throws you off, and you end up just poking him in the forehead, just scolding him a little bit. He's end up sniffling, looking up to you with wide eyes.

"You... forgive me?"

And you'll end up taking pity on him - he's kinda emotionally unstable, isn't he? He'll end up much like Gorou, just a little less composed. He'll follow you around all the time, as you attend to your duties. He'll probably distract you from a couple of them, as he begs for your attention. Gorou might snap at him to let you do what you need to do, and he'll end up getting annoyed back, both of them vying for your attention. You end up leaving them behind as you happily chat to townspeople, neither really noticing as they're too caught up in their argument.

Ei's resorted to her stone-cold demeanor to try and ward off the guilt. She retreats to the Plane of Euthymia, trying to meditate and leave the world behind just like she did when her sister died. She's only alerted to your presence when Yae brings you in - for all your power, only Yae has the key to her 'home'. The only one she trusts. And you come in, taking her into your arms, before pinching her once.

"That's what you get for being so mean."

She's almost stunned, before you pull her back into a hug tighter, and hold her close.

"I'm sorry."

Is all she can get out, almost stiff in your arms for fear of hurting you again.

"I know you are." There's no victory, no gloating in your voice. Only quiet acceptance. In your eyes, there's only forgiveness for her.

She'll run herself ragged afterwards, still not believing herself worthy of your forgiveness. She'll order the guard to eradicate the criminals wherever you make plans to go, before personally accompanying you there. She'll wait on you hand and foot, lowering herself before you in front of everyone. She'll be more reflective, making sure to review judgement on those accused of crimes, getting second opinions from her trusted general before reviewing their cases. She'll make sure Yae approves of the actions she's taking in the eyes of Inazuma - no longer will a Vision Hunt happen.

And you'll watch approvingly, and she'll end the days sinking into your arms, tired.

...Can you tell I like Ei the most? Basically, you tell Ei, Venti, Itto, and Gorou you forgive them - outright. So they know you personally forgive them. But Zhongli's probably a more ruthless god - he's a war-honed god. Ei has an excuse - it was actually the Raiden Shogun issuing those decrees. It's canon that she didn't know what the Raiden Shogun was doing at all - there were no reports on any of the puppet's movements. So maybe Ei feels guilty she didn't come out sooner, but she was still not personally responsible. There. Ei gets an excuse, Zhongli doesn't. Anyways, he doesn't get immediately forgiven, and he decides to uh....

mope.

[undertale-data]

[Image Description: an Undertale chat box with the name "PAPYRUS", in all caps and Papyrus font, in its center. On its left is a talksprite of Papyrus sweating anxiously, and on its right is a talksprite of Papyrus wearing sunglasses. End I.D.]

The Great Papyrus is the most popular Undertale character among the fans surveyed here. 19.6% of responders chose him as their favorite. That’s a total of 519 fans! (Wowie!!)

Not all Papyrus fans are unified on his characterization, however. The most obvious divide was between fans who call him a “cinnamon roll” or “precious baby,” and those who find these takes infantilizing. A lot of people like the friendliness and optimism of this character, while others recognize this but highlight his maturity too. Fans who worry about his infantilization seem most concerned with how he can be portrayed as naive or dumb by the fandom. A portion of fans specifically mentioned this naivety as a point in his favor, though the marginally more popular take seems to be that he is not naive, regardless of how he first appears. This fandom divide seems to relate to Papyrus’s autistic or ADHD coding. Many fans relate to him as ADHD and autistic themselves.

Fans also related to him in his desire for friends. Many responders think of him as a friend and a comfort character, so at least in one way his wish has been fulfilled.

The phone calls were a major reason that fans said they felt connected to Papyrus. Thanks to these calls, he has the most dialogue of any character in the game. His humor and dialogue were often highlighted as favorite qualities.

While fans may disagree on some aspects of Papyrus’s personality, it is clear that his fans all value his optimism and kindness. His fans do not see his kindness as weakness. Many talked about the complexity of his character and the strength it took for him to show mercy to the player character, even when the player doesn’t show it in return. He believes in himself, and he believes in you! This kindness and trust has inspired his fans to be kinder themselves.

Papyrus fans were also drawn to his mysteriousness. Several responses pointed out that he is a more mysterious character than Sans, who is also often loved for his mystery. As shown in the phone calls, Papyrus will put on fronts depending on who he is around, making it even more difficult for fans to uncover his secrets. Some people in other sections of the survey found this frustrating, but Papyrus fans tend to see it as another point in his favor.

Among the greatest proportion of responses were from fans who couldn’t choose a favorite trait, or who just love everything about Papyrus. While these responses may be less lengthy, they are still as full of love as the essay-length answers. These responses tended to say phrases like “cool dude” or “Papyrus my beloved” or “THE GREAT PAPYRUS.”

(You were overcome by writing about such a handsome skeleton. He understands.)

Highlights: (under the cut)

Honestly Papyrus just feels like joy. Funny, incredibly kind, with a few mysteries/weird quirks about him that are fun to ponder over. I especially love how he often acts proud and self aggrandizing without putting others down, and in fact sometimes uses that to lift his friends up alongside him. You don't see this take on proud characters often.

Papyrus is strong. Strong in body, but also morally strong. He knows what is right, what it means to be merciful and kind, even in the face of danger or death. Some think him naive. And yet, even facing death and seeing the dust of those he knew, he did not falter or turn from his ideals of mercy and change for the better.

BECAUSE HE IS THE GREAT PAPYRUS

His optimism and his overall personality is endearing! You're always having fun with him :D

He's meeting all of my standards.

Papyrus is very under appreciated, and overlooked, and it's very frustrating to me—he's a complex character but people treat him like he's a baby!!! I like him because he's kind of goofy with how he talks and he's just very charming and kind.

He's weirder than Sans, and it wasn't acknowledged for years because he acts oblivious and dumb, even when he's clearly not. Quite frankly, I find it iconic. Also, his entire personality helps a lot.

I'm ND, trans, and projecting!

OK SO he's just a friendly guy!! A dude who likes cooking for his friends!! We love a hype man!! Also smart as hell and I feel like fanon majorly overlooks this. Making good, fun puzzles is HARD and setting up a flamethrower to go off wirelessly is complicated. Like even if that bridge puzzle didn't go off the components were complicated. Love that cool dude!!!!

I heavily relate to Papyrus as a character and consider him my favorite fictional character of all time. He is a very well-written and thought out character with several quirks and layers in his personality. It is headcanoned by some (myself included) that Papyrus may possibly be on the Autism Spectrum due to his nature, his interactions with others, and overall how he displays himself to the world we see.

I could talk about Papyrus forever, and you have made a grave mistake in allowing me to do so. He is a charming, strong spirited, well intentioned, complex character that is often wildly misinterpreted, and I think originally this is why I was drawn to him. He is presented as one thing and in fact acts as one thing (though not the same way as presented by fandom), and in reality when you look closer than you are meant to he is not, in fact, any of these things. It was intriguing to me. Secondly, and rather contradictorily, another thing that drew me to him is that he is very true to himself, when it comes to idiosyncrasies and moral values. It's true that he does not offer much in the way of personal backstory and feelings, but he offers very much indeed in the way of personality. What a guy! He wears silly crop tops and bright colors, he speaks in a manner specific to him that sometimes doesn't make sense, he cares about something or someone and goes whole hog with it -- he's passionate, damn it! I love him and his weirdo, goofy self with all my heart. He cares about other people to a fault, too. He would sacrifice everything to help someone, and his belief in the potential of both others and himself is indomitable. When faced with the responsibility of a kingdom, his friends gone, his brother lying to him, and himself all alone without a reliable support system, he recognized what he was facing and still bucked up and became determined to get through it. When faced with a murderous, over powerful enemy, someone who had killed many of his friends and fellow monsters, someone who had repeatedly been rude and borderline aggressive and showed no signs of stopping, he saw that they were having difficulty and offered to help and to care for them, and didn't regret his decision or change his opinion on what they needed and their potential for change, even when quite literally killed by them a moment after. Even in death, even directly after a betrayal like that, he never stops believing that they can get better, that anyone can be a good person if they want to be. That's important, I think; that concept of giving people the chances they need to grow and to change. I have a tattoo of that moment on my thigh, it's that important to me. I guess I really like Papyrus because even though he is fictional, watching him out there makes it easy to believe in people, in our inherent goodness and desire to love each other. He makes it easy to see that we can change, that no matter what you've done in the past or who you currently are, no one is inherently a bad person, and no one is incapable of learning how to be a good one. It is just a step by step process that we have to take day by day.

[Image Description: A wordcloud shaped like Papyrus. His gloves, boots, and cape are red; his Battle Body is blue, yellow, and white; and his bones are white. Some of the most visible words are: Kind, Love, Good, Cool, Relate, Funny, Friend, Mystery, and Papyrus. These are the words that responders mentioned most in their essays about him. End I.D.]

Read the full list of responses shared with permission by clicking this link! (The document is 25 pages long, so you may want to make a copy to prevent lagging.)

[grigori77]

REASONS TO LOVE Netflix’ The Sandman series

WARNING!!!  If you haven’t watched it (particularly if you haven’t read the graphic novels, although it’s not essential for enjoying it) there are potentially some serious spoilers coming up here, so be warned ...

...

...

Neil Gaiman basically shepherded the whole thing in, so this is VERY MUCH EXACTLY what he always intended a Sandman series to be.  Long may he remain on the show, because this is about as perfect as a TV series can get, especially an adaptation of SUCH A BELOVED PROPERTY as this ...

Tom Sturridge is PEAK casting genius.  Not only is he spectacularly spot-on with Dream’s speech and mannerisms, but he just LOOKS like the character stepped right out of the comic pages.

But I also love how, while the series IS about the Dream King himself, he’s not necessarily the main, DOMINANT character here.  Sure, in the first half of the season (essentially adapting volume one, Preludes & Nocturnes) it’s very much about his imprisonment, escape and the subsequent battle for him to regain his powers and kingdom, but EVEN HERE there are times he’s more like a supporting player in his own story, letting other characters into the spotlight, especially in the second half when the show adapts volume two (The Doll’s House), when it becomes far more about Rose Walker ...

Speaking of which, Rose is FANTASTIC.  Kyo Ra is a sweetheart and her Rose is adorable and lovely and just the purest cinnamon roll and must be protected at all costs.

Matthew the Raven.  OMG Patton Oswalt.  I knew right away he was gonna be great in this but he surapassed all my expectations as one of my very favourite characters.

The relationship between Dream and Lucienne is PERFECT.  She respects her boss immensely but is not prepared to put up with his shit for a MICROSECOND, and if that means letting him dangle to prove a point she’s gonna do it.

So what if John Constantine is genderbent?  Jernna Coleman’s always AWESOME and she just GOT the character.

Episode 6, The Sound of Her Wings.  Sweet mercy that is a PERFECT HOUR of television right there, completely flawless.  In a season that’s already pretty legendary in its faithfulness, this note-perfect transplant of Gaimain’s flawless writing is a solid gold JOY to experience.

Kirby Howell-Baptiste as Death ... OH MY GOD.  My girl was brought to life with flawless perfection, I’m a happy puppy after this.

The Corinthian.  Boyd Holbrook’s another example of perfect casting here, and the rogue nightmare is a PERFECT Big Bad for this first season ...

Lucifer ... yeah, I love Tom Ellis in the show as much as anybody, but Gwendoline Christie is GOLD.  She just GOT the role, clearly.

The duel in hell is AWESOME.  Perfectly done.

Merv Pumpkinhead!  Mark Hammil ladies and gentlemen!  The man can do no wrong.

The Diner Experiment in Episode 5 gave me CHILLS.  That was as close to the perfect nightmare that scenario could have gone, but thankfully without going QUITE as far as it did in the comic.  THAT might have been a bit TOO MUCH.

While we’re there, David Thewlis’ John Burgess is a fantastically complicated and enjoyably HUMAN supervillain, and you’re never quite sure if he’s ENTIRELY WRONG, which worries me greatly.  As it should ...

Also Charles Dance once again proves he’s incapable of delivering a bad performance.

Cain and Abel are a darkly comic delight.

Stephen Fry as Gilbert!  YAY!!  Love that man in everything, he was born to play Fiddler’s Green in human form.

I loved how they got the motley collection of misfits in the Cape Kennedy B&B absolutely right.  Hal, Barbie and Ken, Chantal and Zelda, I love you all, you’re adorable.

Yay!  Martin Tenbones!  Looking forward to seeing him again when they do A Game of You in one of the later seasons.

The “Cereal” Convention.  Haliariously funny in a jet black way guaranteed to get your skin crawling too ...

Desire and Despair.  Sure, they’re only in this a little bit, but like Death I’m looking forward to seeing more of them in the future, they’re both spot-on.

The Gault and the way she protects Jed despite being a nightmare, that’s so wonderful.  I love the idea that a constructed creature can try to be something other than it was intended to be, just like the rest of us.  Gaiman is so spectacularly deep.  And then we get that beautiful payoff at the end of the season where Dream’s learned his lesson and lets her change for the better ...

This whole season is just pitch-perfect in the visual effects and the sound and the music and the design and the wayit’s shot and cut.  It’s a feast for the eyes and I’m glad Netflix were willing to spend the money to let Neil realise his vision without restraint.

Netflix, this is PERFECT.  Give us a full series, let Neil do the entire story through to the end, no matter if it takes more than your holy three seasons to do it.  This is TOO GOOD for you to NOT let him do it ...

[msookyspooky]

Sequels Suck

Part 14

word count: 3,607

(Warning: Sexual Scene with Dark Themes)

You went to run again just for Stu to jerk you back towards him, his arm tight over you. 

"Hey, where ya going? We just wanted to tell ya we liked the performance...Ya got talent, YN… " His gaze went down to your chest. "Look out Jamie; there's a new Scream Queen in town...Nice set of lungs too..." He smirked with a wag of his brows. Pressing upward under your ribcage to push up your cleavage through the dress.

Billy had a hunting knife in hand, pointing right at your collarbone. Pressing the sharp tip into your skin just enough to make you wince. He tilted his head with a crazy grin. "I can see it now...You being the most brutally mutilated victim in the potential Stab 2 Movie. The goriest death scene in the entire franchise. Coming next Fall to a theater near you." 

Stu laughed. "Hell yeah! The audience will love you, baby!" He lowered his head to whisper in your ear. "I told you and Sid we'd plan the next Sequel. Too bad you couldn't help us plan it, traitor." 

You were silent. Trembling in Stu's grasp as you tried to suppress the urge to scream or cry or beg. Billy stared deeply into your eyes. His gaze still as dark and intimidating as you remembered. That crazed look in his eyes that made you shudder. You swallowed, tears still running down your face as you sucked in a sob. 

Billy got closer to you, mere inches from your face. "Got any last minute begging you wanna do?" 

You looked at him. Memories in your mind of watching horror movies or driving in his Camaro or even how the sunsets reflected off his dark eyes when you both had your talks together.... It hurt you that he didn't think of those memories the way you did. All he could think of was you not letting him get his way. You had nothing to apologize for and you'd rather die saying your peace than to die begging for mercy.

"...N-No." You choked out.

Stu chuckled as Billy narrowed his eyes at you, pressing the knife into your skin slowly as you hissed through your teeth. It barely pricked you enough to draw out the tiniest droplet of blood. 

You glared at him with tears in your eyes, gritting your teeth. "If you're gonna kill me, then do it! Stop fucking thinking about it and get it over with." 

Stu released a bark of excited laughter. "Ha! See? I told ya she's gotten spunky in the last two years!" He jerked at you as he said it, making you wince at how tight his hold was. 

Billy huffed. "Yeah, I liked her better when she was docile and obedient...It was the smarter choice." 

You sneered at him. "I was never docile! I was scared!" 

Billy gently slid the knife up to your throat and ran it through your hair. "You're not scared now?... Is that what you're trying to lie about?" He made a quick flick of his wrist as you flinched. A section of your braided bun falling out in ringlets. 

You didn't answer, trembling against Stu as he chuckled. "She's totally shaking, man." 

"I-I can scream and everyone will come looking for me! I have two detectives with guns on stage! You can't get out of this-" 

"Do it -" Billy shoved the knife to your face as Stu's long fingers wrapped around your neck. "- And I'll slice your goddamned throat!...No way you could survive that. I heard the pain is unimaginable and can last up to a whole minute." 

He traced your left cheek right where you gave him the thin scar on his face with the shears in the shed. He ran his teeth over his lower lip in thought as his eyes darted to your lips and then your wide eyes. Billy leaned forward to whisper low in his throat.

 "You are a good actress, YN. Then again, I should have figured you would be good at faking it... You have a talent for being a two-faced bitch." 

You refused to answer him. Tightening your jaw and sucking in air through your nostril. Trying so hard to even your breathing even though you realized these may be your final moments. All you could do was wait while your mind desperately tried thinking of an escape plan...You didn't know if you had one. Unless someone barged in; you were done. 

Stu watched you before darting his eyes back to Billy. "She really is good...I could have stayed in that audience watching her all night...God, this dress hugs curves I didn't even know she had...She's freakin gorgeous, man." 

"You're such a weak cumrag." Billy scolded Stu even though he was eyeing you as well. His gaze crawling from your legs clear up to your neck. His free hand reached out to grip your waist. Stu's one arm was around your chest and his fingers slacked around your throat. Easing down your chest to your cleavage.

"Hey, I'm a guy. I may hate her guts but she's still hot." Stu retorted, his arm adjusted around your chest as you looked at them in alarm.

Billy didn't deny it, eyes glancing up at you as his hand slid over the contours of your dress. "She is beautiful. It's a waste to be such a fucking piece of shit with a a face and body like that...I guess even the most poisonous things are pretty, aren't they?" He leaned forward, eyes gazing at you. "YN…" He mumbled your name low in his throat. It made your stomach flutter and you hated yourself for it.

"...What?" You mumbled back.

Billy stared long and hard at you before drawing his knife away from your face. You stared back at him with wide eyes as his own eyes darted to your lips.

You didn't even have time to react as his crashed down onto yours…

 Stu eagerly watched, his hand reaching to feel whatever he could through your dress as he pulled you closer. Hands loosely on your waist and chest to feel you. Your breath hitched as you felt his fingers squeeze you. 

You didn't respond as Billy urgently kissed you. You were in too much shock to even form a thought. He pulled away, growling in your ear as Stu jerked your head sideways to kiss you as well. "Fuck!...I fucking hate you... I hate what you do to me." He jerked your hips closer to him as you gasped into Stu's kiss. His piercing swirling against your lips as your mouth parted. 

You finally jerked away to look at Billy as Stu nipped at your neck. You saw your red lipstick at the corner of Billy's mouth as he stared at you. Eyes hooded and mouth parted. "Does your boyfriend kiss you like that? Huh? I bet he rocks your world in his khakis and tucked in polo shirts." He smirked at his own dig as his fingers kneaded at your hips. You tried so hard not to moan, biting your inner cheek as your face flushed.

Stu reached up and licked the side of your cheek where a tear was before kissing back down at your neck. He was breathless against your ear. "You look so fucking pretty when you cry, sweetcheeks." He muttered to you.

You shuddered and felt your face heat all while your mind was still whirling on what exactly was happening. 

Billy looked down at the red blood droplet on your chest. His lips instantly darted down. His tongue drawing long strokes upward to taste your blood. Your stomach flipped when you heard him moan at your chest at the taste. Trying to go down further but the thick dress was stopping him.

"I thought...You're gonna kill-" You tried getting it out while keeping your voice even. You didn't want to like this. You should have wanted to scream and sob and fight them...But all you really wanted to do was to let them continue and forget everything they ever did for a few minutes.

Stu hungrily whispered in your ear. "Shh...Not now. Let's enjoy this for now...What we should have had two years ago." He pulled up at your dress. "God, why does it have so many freakin ' layers?" He chuckled as he nipped at your ear, lips going back down to bite your neck. You jerked with a cry as you felt his teeth on your skin. 

"Ah, ah! Stu. No marks." Billy warned as Stu went to argue but faltered as Billy shot him a warning glare. "I see you already left one...Fucking idiot."

Stu stuck out his tongue at Billy before swiping it up the shell of your ear as he gripped your lower waist. Billy pulled away to gaze up at you through his lashes from your chest.

 "Does Derek do this for you? Does he have you whimpering like you are right now?" He smirked as you knew your face was beet red.

Stu added. "Man...Did James even get you this excited?" 

Billy shook his head. "I doubt it. You can talk a big game all you want...You're still into us. Probably wet just thinking about us..." He knelt down as you squirmed, unsure what to do or say as he started feeling up your ankle and pushing your dress up.

' What do I do?! I...I like this but not LIKE this! They were going to fucking kill me, probably still are I-' Your thoughts were halted as Billy's hands kneaded your outer thighs. Making a shuddering breath escape you as your head hung back against Stu. 'Maybe...Maybe they really aren't going to kill me? Maybe we can work this out?...Maybe-' Your thoughts were slowly receding as his hands went higher. 

Stu huskily whispered to you. "Have you even been with anyone since that night?" You barely listened to what he was saying. "You probably never got it from James or Derek, huh? James looked like he had a micro penis and I can't see Derek even knowing what to do with it." 

You felt your brows scrunch as he spoke, still trying to find it in you to not give in completely. But Stu massaging your breast through your dress and Billy gripping your thighs was making it harder and harder to resist.

Stu smirked against the shell of your ear. The smell of the cinnamon gum he loved wafted near your face. "...You're probably still a virgin, aren't you?" 

Your eyes shot back open as you glanced over at Stu in confusion. Billy gazed up at you before going to dip his head towards your now exposed thighs, the dress bunched up near your waist. "You know she is...Better take care of that right away." 

Stu looked downright giddy. Biting his lower lip with a smirk before raising his brows at Billy in some secret message only they knew. "Yeah man, can't make the same mistake twice." 

That's when...It clicked. 

It clicked and you felt your teeth clench and anger bubbling in you. You went from lustfully dazed to completely enraged in a millisecond. With an angry yell, you kicked Billy in the head with your heel. He cussed and fell back on his ass. Stu had a loose enough grip for you to slip away from him. He tried grabbing your dress, ripping it off one shoulder in the process. You sprinted to the door. Stumbling over your own feet before twisting back around with your hand on the door knob. 

Billy stood up with the familiar glare on his face as Stu went towards you, you grabbed a nearby coat rack and threw it. He caught it but it still hit him in the leg as he flinched away.

"You're monsters! You absolute fucking pieces of shit!" 

Billy had a smug smirk on his lips while he maintained that hateful glare. "Don't be sore just because you got hot and bothered, YN." Billy taunted. Rubbing salt in the wound like he always did. "Wonder what Sidney would think of her best friend getting turned on by her killer?" He chuckled with maniacal glee as you pressed yourself against the door. Complete shame coursing through you as you felt sick to your stomach at what you almost let happen.

"I should have known...You're using me. AGAIN. This is just a part of your stupid horror movie rules! You think the only way I lived was because I was a virgin!" 

"Are you?" Stu asked, in a bent knee position to tackle you at any moment as he got closer.

 "That's none of your damn business if I am or not!" 

"Go to Hell!" You jerked the door open and slammed it back in his face. 

Billy stalked towards you, knife in hand as Stu got his own from his pocket. "...Ya know what? Screw the rules. I don't give a fuck about your sex status... You're fucking dead!" He lunged at you.

"FUCK!!-" You heard Billy roar behind the door as you ran for your life. You heard them charge at you before you reached the hallway and bolted to the technician room behind the stage

You frantically looked behind yourself as you rounded the corner, expecting them after you only to see no one. You screamed as you ran straight into Derek.

"YN! What's wrong?! Hey, easy! What happened?" 

You pointed, lip trembling. He looked at you in shock. "YN, who did this?! Who fucking did this? I'll kill them!" 

"Kill?" You both turned to Detective Richards and Andrews walking through the curtain. 

You pointed behind you. "T-The dressing room! The killers were in the dressing room!" 

Both Detectives didn't hesitate to draw their guns and sprint down the hall. 

Derek held you close as you couldn't contain the sobs. You felt shame and embarrassment and fear. Because no matter what, you knew they wouldn't find them. And that after all this time and everything they did...You still cared and it killed you inside. 

—————————————————————

Some time passed. Both Detectives were now outside the dressing room door as you and a few other actresses got back into your regular clothes.

You heard Andrews questioning Derek on the other side of the door. "And what were you doing back here, son?" 

"I swapped with Mickey, he had to edit...How can I still be a suspect? YN was attacked and...And if they laid a finger on her... If they touched her or-" 

You squeezed your eyes shut as you listened. 

"Easy. YN said that...She didn't have that happen. She escaped in time, thank god. We need to get to the bottom of this and everyone is a suspect. Especially the guy that was the only one backstage." 

You opened your eyes and looked at yourself in the mirror, leery of the entire room. Just 30 minutes ago you were sandwiched between two killers...The worst of it all was that deep down inside...You liked it. It made you nauseous just thinking that you almost gave in so easily. 

You hung your head in disgust; ripping the gold leaves out of your half undone braided bun. 

Murphy and Louis came up to you after talking to a handful of actresses changing in the room. 

"YN. Are you okay?" Louis asked with that fake niceness that was slowly starting to get on your nerves. But not nearly as much as Murphy's voice. 

"Seriously, YN. If you need anything...A shoulder to cry on, a DD to drink your problems away… Plan B or-...Well, I mean. Come on, YN. You have a hickey on your neck and your dress is ripped. These college guys are animals!" 

Louis added. "I really hope it's not like this but Lambda is a sisterhood to Kappas. Derek is our Kappa brother and we don't appreciate cheating. We have a specific policy against that." 

Murphy quickly put her hands up. "Not that you were! If you were almost taken advantage of, we will stop at nothing to make his life a living hell!...Unless he's a Kappa senior then-"

You whipped your head around to glare at her. "Murphy, I'd like for you both to leave me the hell alone. How about that? I'm not joining your stupid fucking sorority and I don't care about college politics. You both are two of the most vapid, dense, fakest girls I've ever met!...You can forget buttering up to me for the free fame of having 'YN: The final girl' in your Sorority history book! I'd rather avoid gunfire again than join Delta Lambda Zeta!" 

They both scrunched their faces up at you as Murphy scoffed. "Well, fine then. Be that way." 

They walked to the door before Louis turned back to you. "...You'll regret this, YN. You really will." 

You glanced back at her as she glared at you before shutting the door as you heard the detectives say something to them. 

You sighed heavily. Everything and everyone was getting to you. If you weren't already losing it then these incidents would make you lose it. 

You looked up at yourself in the mirror. Tears staining your skin and your eyes red rimmed. Red lips smeared, hair falling out of your bun, a hickey on your neck, a tiny puncture wound on your chest now an angry red dot, and your dress ripped and revealing your bra and shoulder. 

You rubbed your face and shook your head. The fact that Billy and Stu got to humiliate you and use you made you want to jump off a building or crawl in a hole. The fact that you didn't fight them at first made it ten times worse...If you hadn't figured out what their last ditch effort was to try and make sure you die in whatever final showdown they had planned...You didn't know whether you would have gone through with it or not. 

You glanced down at your clothes on the table in front of you. The locket hidden in your jean pocket. You pulled it out and instantly felt your chest ache. You felt like a traitor. You felt used. You felt stupid. You felt like you let them both down by letting the killers both win. 

You slammed your hand on the table in anger and pain as you quietly cried to yourself.

——————————————————————

You sat in the courtyard with Hallie rubbing your arm as you talked to her, Derek and Mickey sadly watching and exchanging glances to each other every so often as you spoke. The Detectives were a few yards away on a bench.

"-And then I ran. I ran as fast as I could." 

"YN, I'm so sorry...Whoever it was is going to pay." Hallie muttered beside you. 

Mickey added. "Well, I think Gus is just going to have to sit on it or get one of the other girls to do Cassandra." 

You sniffed and nodded. "Oh yeah. I can't even be in that dressing room again...And on stage...I swore I saw them. I swear I did." 

Hallie gave you a sympathetic look. "Honey, you couldn't have...I think you just saw...Well with the sounds and mask and knives. It's not good for trauma-." 

You nodded and gave a bitter smile. "Yeah, I know. I'm losing it, apparently." 

Derek finally spoke up. "No, you're not! You're under a lot of stress and pressure and this sicko is loving every minute of it." 

You shook your head. "I shouldn't even be around any of you, I'm putting you in danger-" 

Mickey bent down in front of you to look directly at your eyes as you sat on the bench. "YN. STOP." He stood back up as you looked at him. "We aren't going anywhere. You were attacked when you were alone. Being alone isn't the answer." 

Hallie gripped your hand in her own. "Exactly! YN, I know we barely know each other but you're my roommate and I'm not going to let you isolate yourself for the killers to nab. That's just stupid! And the tragic hero complex is so 80s B list horror." 

You couldn't help smirking. She smiled back at you before saying. "Come on, girl. You're stuck with us at least till this is over." 

Mickey added. "Or someone dies. All of us or…" Hallie glared at him as he fumbled. "Don't look at me like that! A killer is on the loose! Haven't you all seen horror movie sequels?" 

Derek glared at him. "Drop it." 

You gave the tinest smile. Dabbing at your face with your sleeve. "You're right. I guess it doesn't matter if I'm alone or not. They're going to come after you or me regardless...Knowing them it will be everyone I'm close to first. I mean, they killed Cici and I barely knew her!...They want me to watch and wait till I'm next." 

Hallie raised a brow. "...Why are you acting like the killer is plural? Like there's kill-ers?" 

You blinked, not knowing what to say when Randy caming running towards you. Panting and gripping his leg as the detectives stood up. You leaned towards him. "Randy, what the hell? What's wrong?" 

Mickey hunkered down jokingly. "What is it, Lassie? Is Timmy down the well again?!" 

Mickey smirked but lost it as Randy didn't even react to him. Everyone exchanged looks as Randy held up a finger to catch his breath. Soon, he looked at you with complete fear in his eyes; face paler than usual. Your own expression dropped and your gut twisted.

"YN...I need to talk to you...NOW."