#while also on about forcing anyone on disability benefits back into work

[thetimelordbatgirl]

Labour's manifesto really did just prove no matter if its them or tory's in charge, if your disabled or trans or both, your screwed under their leadership and its pick your poison at this point with voting for them.

[hunxi-after-hours]

hey, anon from the anti-authoritarian wuxia ask a while back, took a looksee through Stephen Teo's The Wuxia Tradition and the essays about danmei you mentioned in your response, which was really great and insightful! i think what's so interesting to me about the modern wuxia tradition as we understand it now is that its purpose from the very beginning was to be nationalistic propaganda, which obviously carries into contemporary wuxia adaptations and new works today. (1/7)

(long ask, long response! conversation begun here; everything else under the cut)

but what makes the genre compelling to me is that wuxia offers so many glimpses into these potentially transformative visions of a radical future- wuxia presents a vision of a society in which communities have the autonomy to express themselves, support each other, and create their world through creative and collective activity. and all of this is facilitated by the the nebulous jianghu setting, which is this alternative space more or less free from the grip of the imperial state, (2/7)

which it unintentionally ends up being just by virtue of existing far from the imperial core. and obviously class hierarchies imposed by wealth and power still exist within the jianghu, but like, that autonomous nature of the jianghu is something I'd be curious to see be developed and pushed further. what would it look like within a wuxia narrative to explore the idea of an intentionally and explicitly anti-imperial, stateless, classless jianghu, and what would it take to get there? (3/7)

that vision of an alternate autonomous society is built upon these very rigid worldviews that don't challenge the audience (i.e. nationalism, pale-skinned conventional beauty standards, xenophobia, the idea of disability as something to be overcome, etc) that were baked into the inception of the genre, and which undermine said radical potential. and i guess that's my gripe with danmei too. (4/7)

i feel similarly about people who treat the consumption of danmei as an inherently progressive political act as I do to the way I feel about neoliberalism: it presents a facade of progressivism without actually meaningfully existing in opposition to oppressive structures. and, like you mentioned, both danmei and wuxia have yet to hit that moment of reckoning. i'm aware the direction these things go are massively shaped by geo-sociopolitical forces outside of the creators' control, etc. (5/7)

but so many people benefit from access to the imperial core in ways they aren't or don't care to be aware of. and to me, that is what makes art so important - it has the potential to not only expose the monstrous ways in which a society derives its power, it also has the hopeful ability to imagine transformative, non-oppressive futures. (6/7)

you're right that the cultural shift that would spark a post-colonial reckoning in Chinese literature and art needs to be spearheaded by Chinese creatives themselves. as an invested bystander, I'm curious to see where this goes. sorry this was so long, but thank you for your time! (7/7)

hello again anon!! glad you enjoyed looking through Teo and found his writing insightful! I think in many ways the conversations we’re trying to have about danmei, wuxia, internet literature, and some nebulous postcolonial reckoning are somewhat ahead of the curve, which is why we’re here being like “I want to read something like this!” only to find that said work hasn’t necessarily been created yet (again, if anyone’s got any leads, I’m all ears)

I do also think it’s worthwhile to note that a significant factor in why danmei and/or internet literature may not be as daring and subversive as we wish it were is the simple, starkly pragmatic fact that these works need to sell. they need to be attractive and fun, gripping and engrossing, to even make it in the cutthroat environment of the various literature cities. the competition is vicious and the readership unforgiving; last year saw at least one WeChat article about the intense pressure of being a webnovelist, and how the soul-crushing pressure of trying to break into the rankings has pushed authors towards suicide. with the popularization of the genre comes increased competition, and with increased competition comes a streamlining of new works towards established precedents of success (the proliferation of wuxia/xianxia/xuanhuan, particular distinctive CP dynamics, etc). 内卷 is here in the danmei genre as well, which makes it difficult to innovate or experiment, particularly if you’re not already an established author

it’s the Hollywood argument for keeping people of color out of leading roles; writing a text that tackles certain social issues (particularly ones that challenge current mores of Chinese society) is a risk, and quite frankly, most authors don’t have the time or the luxury to gamble. this is not to say that current authors aren’t leveraging their established readership and fanbase to write away from popular taste (priest’s 《桥头楼上》 comes to mind, which is a formal departure from her previous works and a trenchant examination of certain social issues), but that the current environment in which creative works are produced aren’t quite favorable to that kind of exploration and subversion — yet

another thing to keep in mind is the role that danmei (and other web literature) plays in the lives of its readers; yes, art has such powerful potential to call upon society to reflect on the injustices and cruelties built into it, but also art — and danmei in particular — is a powerful purveyor of escapism. many Chinese readers and consumers of danmei and related products/adaptations find a haven in these texts, and people seeking comfort are not necessarily prepared for critically examining social injustices in their escapism. again, I’m not trying to say that there is no place for subversion and exploration in danmei literature, but rather highlight the way reader preferences and demands might discourage writers from going too far afield

meanwhile, if I may be presumptuous enough to throw more reading in the air, here are some texts that this conversation is bringing to mind:

The Water Outlaws by S.L. Huang (forthcoming): a genderspun reception of Shi Nai’an’s 《水浒传》, often considered to be the forerunner of the wuxia genre. Guaranteed to get in the weeds and messy about gender, power, imperial centers of power, marginalized marshlands of subversiveness just by the literal concept of its writing

She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan: the closest work I know of to a fiercely diasporic genderqueered cdrama, in which Han centrism is examined and found wanting

《无污染，无公害》 by priest: priest is not necessarily the author I would suggest when it comes to, ah, postcolonial thought, but I just finished reading 《无污染，无公害》 last month and was struck by its profoundly cynical deconstruction of the wuxia genre. priest brings wuxia into the modern day and examines the many ways in which the 快意恩仇 fantasy of jianghu morality and subversiveness clashes with contemporary ethics and laws. beyond that, I think reading an author’s non-danmei works is profoundly enlightening critical and theoretical exercise that definitely re-contextualizes assumptions made about the danmei genre and its writers

“Zhang Yimou’s Hero: Reclaiming the Martial Arts Film for ‘All Under Heaven’” by Feng Lan: this was the first paper I ran into that really got into the weeds of the controversial “天下” at the end of the film, and also introduced me to the recent history and discussions of “tianxiaism,” which is particularly interesting when it comes to discussions about nationalism, imperialism, and postcolonialism in contemporary China in general and the wuxia genre in particular

“Homosexualizing Boys Love in China: Reflexivity, Genre Transformation, and Cultural Interaction” by Xi Tian: I know I’ve gushed about this paper elsewhere, but this is only paper I’ve found so far that examines how the danmei genre has shifted and changed over the past few decades in response to reader feedback, shifting societal opinions, and self-reflection, and it’s fascinating

whew, okay, this is long enough! one last thing, from one invested bystander to another: don’t let anything stop you from creating the content you wish to see in the world <3

[dark-side-blog3]

Hi! I was thinking about yandere Peking Duck for a while… I think that he’s pretty scary in general cause bro fired and bombed the whole COUNTRY (with a valid reason but it’s still scary) and it’s creeping me out when I’m realising how destructive he potentially can be if he was a yandere. So… what about your headcanons of yandere Peking Duck? I’m especially interested in creepiest and darkest sides of his character. He can be so terrifying that it would definitely freak anyone out.

I'm really enjoying all your food fantasy content! If you're willing, could you share your thoughts on yandere Peking Duck?

+++

I apologize for grouping you two up, but I was originally answering the shorter request for Peking Duck as it was older-- But then, while saving my draft, Tumblr shat itself; due to a pretty bad storm in my area... Here it is, a few days later.

I can't find the story for Peking Ducks SP, which is a bit frustrating since it seems his SP counterpart has experienced more passage of time than his UR counterpart (his duckling children are full-grown ducks now! And not one of his voice lines acknowledges them!)

In any case, I hope you enjoy it!

Warning for animal abuse.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Peking Duck is a possessive bastard, who's fully aware that his feelings are out of place, but just doesn't care.

He projects himself as this homely, wise old man who's more focused on his ducklings and his found family to crave violence-- one of the attacks he uses so often stuns his enemies, which one could argue is a kinder method of disabling them than most food souls of his power would make. He seems to go with the flow, and act so calm and collected, that if you haven't even seen him with this facade down, you'd trust him implicitly. And that is the entire point.

Peking Duck wants you to rely on him. He wants you to trust him implicitly, with any task. If it's something domestic he would be more than happy to accompany you and drop hits about what he wants out of your relationship, and if you want him to protect you without spilling a drop of blood then he'll paralyze whatever has you so frightened. You should feel safe around Peking Duck. He wants you to know this as if it's instinct.

He also wants you to be wary of the world outside of him. Granted in some ways that's harder, and in some ways that's easier in a world like this, where fallen angels are rampaging the streets, and terroristic food souls revolt to kill all humans. It's harder to make you fear things that aren't combat related, but he can just as easily make you dependent on him for daily life too.

Peking Duck always manages to cut you a massive bargain when you take him shopping with you, by smooth talking and striking favours with the shopkeeps. He will handle your taxes, finding little things to cut and trim, to use for your own benefit (which he keeps track of in a second ledger). If you were to try to keep the restaurant afloat without him as your bookie, you'd quickly get discovered by the police for tax fraud. And after a sufficient amount of years, Peking Duck may reveal this to you if you're being unruly-- If you don't behave yourself, he won't have any choice but to let you take the blame for it, and you'll be hauled off to debtors prison.

Peking Duck spends the majority of his day planning elaborate traps and emotional pitfalls if you step out of line. If you try to shove him out of your work life, your business crumbles and you get arrested. If you try to shove him out of your adventures in the catacombs or fighting fallen angels, you come home with fewer ingredients and gold, and more bruises. If you try to force Peking Duck to work on excursions without you, he will return with triple the amount of loot you'd normally bring back... But he and his ducks conveniently need urgent medical attention-- the children are on death's door! They're all exhausted... Surely you wouldn't mind helping him feed the ducks after he rests for a while, right? He's already collapsed in your living room-- he won't mind taking the couch, just please let him rest.

The more unaccompanied missions you send him on, the sicker his children are when they return. The last few times you sent him in a group without you, some of his children got caught under debris and broke their wings. The last time, you had helped set the broken wing yourself, the healers on the team conveniently missing, while the duck flailed around and quacked like a banshee. Peking held his child down and shushed the bird as he directed you on setting the delicate bone back in shape.

After the horrific ordeal, you stormed into the ice rink, asking Miso Soup why he hadn't healed during the excursion. But he was startled, asking what you meant. It was only after arguing for half an hour you learned that none of Peking Ducks had an accident at all during the trip, and they were all perfectly fine before Miso went to the ice rink to recover.

If you ask Peking duck what broke his ducks wings, he merely repeats the question before telling you that it was debris. But there is a tone to it that lets you know you're on thin ice with his patience.

And he makes it clear under no uncertain terms that he won't allow you to start causing a fuss.

Keep it up, and you'll find out some consequences for ignoring him.

But if you'd like things to stay peaceful with the uppity food soul, you should come rest with him. Laying together, whispering sweet nothings about what you two want for the future, what your home might look like after a few years and a few more children, how sweet life can be if you just allow Peking Duck to take care of you, and you continue to be the ray of light from a window illuminating the dust settling in a cozy afternoon... It might make you feel better.

He knows you know what he's really like, and he knows you know that it's all an act to make you happy. Shouldn't you focus more on the fact its to make you happy, rather than the fact he's lying? You don't want him to stop making you happy, right?

Because even if he does, you know he won't leave you alone. And you know he can't keep hurting his children for your attention-- even if he does heal them good as new, he just wants them to be comfortable. They're the only companion he'll truly have forever. He'd hate to have to hurt you the same way he hurt them just so you'd pay him any attention.

It would be much nicer, and much easier to just let it happen. Peking Duck will continue to act as a selfless, uppity, wholesome father of a family, and you will continue to let him pretend to be so. For your sake.

[kinsey3furry300]

So how the heck do the Avengers pay for stuff, and how rich are they?

So, in the wake of “Falcon and the Winter Soldier” There’s a lot of debate about why Sam didn’t seem to get paid well for his work in the Avengers (at least in the MCU continuity), and this has got me thinking: we’ve got no evidence that the Avengers are, financially, anything but a hot mess. So lets break it down, Avenger by Avenger, using real-world pay scales for the ones who have jobs.

Tony: a billionaire, so clearly he’s a financial genius, right? Well….. his actions say otherwise. He’s shown to be wildly irresponsible with his money. He inherited a lot of wealth form his parents which was managed by the first Jarvis, Obadiah, and Pepper for him, he buys and then gives away not just woks of art, but entire collections by major 20th century artists on a whim, destroyed his own cars and home without concern, he tanks the value of his own company in the first Iron Man with a bad press interview, gets kicked of his own bord of directors, and ultimately, in Iron Man 2, gives control of his company to Pepper. He’s insanely rich, and insanely smart, but man, he’s not smart with his money. So all the cool stuff, his suits, the Avengers tower, the facility up-state: that’s all paid for by him, but Pepper is holding the purse-stings.  So, does he pay the others? We have no evidence for most of them… but we do with Spidey. Peter Parker is in the Stark Internship Program a euphemism to hide the fact he’s training and mentoring him as a super-hero, but I find the wording interesting: he refers to Spidey, his surrogate son and chosen heir, as an intern. I.E., Unpaid.  I’m guessing this is Howard’s influence over him, some sort of ‘make you own way in the world, son’ attitude, but  if he’s not paying Spidey, is he paying anyone else? He certainly pays for stuff super heroes suits and things, equipment, fuel, the base, but does he pay anyone a wage? No one ever mentions it. You think it would come up.

So, if he’s not paying them a wage, where do Avengers  (and thier allies) get their day-to-day money from, and are they rich? Using google and https://www.federalpay.org, lets find out.

Cap: Well, before Civil war, he’s a shield operative, and he presumably still holds his military rank: he’s a US Army captain, with (well) over 40 years service, so USD$88,142.40 per year, with $237.71  drill pay (pay per drill you have to do on weekends, on leave or outside of normal service) and $175.00 per month hazard pay (which I bet is interesting) on top of that. As a WW2 veteran, he’d be eligible for a war pension if he:

Was not discharged for dishonorable reasons; and,

Served 90 days of active military duty; and,

Served at least one day during wartime ("wartime" as determined by the VA); and,

Had  countable family income below a certain yearly limit; and,

Is  age 65 years or older; or

Regardless of age is permanently disabled, not due to wilful misconduct.

As he’s still receiving 90k per year, he’s ineligible for a pension as his countable yearly income is above the limit.  So if shield pays him in accordance with his rank and years of service, about $90, 600 per year incuding hazard pay.

After civil war, he’s a fugitive on the run, so presumably flat broke. I’d asume he gets his pension returened to him after the snap.

He’s also just gone from the 40’s to the present day, so 70 years of inflation probably makes buying things very confusing for him: everything would seem insanely expensive at first. He’d also not know what the correct prices are for anything invented after 45. You might get used to how much more expensive food and coffee is, but how much is a smart-phone worth? $200? $2000 $20000? Who knows? I bet the others have to facepalm a lot when he either refuses to pay for what he sees as clear price-gouging, and at the same time regularly pays insane amounts of money for goods and services because he doesn’t know better. He also has no known assets other than his pay: he rents an apartment making him one of the few American males in his age-group who isn’t a home-owner

Thor: Does Asgard even have currency? It’s depicted like a “Crystal spires and toga” type utopia with no poverty: even working class Asgardian’s like Scourge seem to be pretty well-off and want for nothing, so he’s from a post-scarcity society where actual magic is a thing. His “Another” coffee cup smashing and the fact he doesn’t have a computer of phone in Ragnarök might indicate that, no, he just doesn’t have, need or understand money. Splitting a bar tab with him must be a nightmare. His breakdown post snap indicates he’s got some cash, but not a huge amount, and is probably skiving of Valkyrie and the other Asgardians.

Banner: Okay, so a PhD could make you a lot of money from patents… in pharmacology or engineering. Theoretical physics? Not so good. And if Banner did have any patents, they’ve probably been seized under eminent domain by the US military.  At the start of The Hulk film, he’s working a entry-level factory job at a botteling plant in Brazil. The minimum wage in Brazil is 1069.62 Real per month, that’s 12,835.44 Real per year, or around $2437.79 US per year, before everything goes wrong for him! He then runs off to India, works for Tony for a bit and then gets shot into space. Spidey may actually make more in allowance than Banner does, and Banner is a gown ass man with bills to pay: I’d imagine he loses a lot in ripped clothing.

Natasha and Barton: Pre Civil-war, both are government spooks, so how well does that pay? The salaries of CIA Intelligence Analysts based in the US range from $25,838 to $685,701 , with a median salary of $125,340, so let’s assume that Shield pays in a similar range: $685,701 per year for Director Fury, around 125,000 for Natasha and Cliff, which explains Cliff’s nice, middle-class mid-western home. Post civil war, presumably not great: we know that Natasha spends a lot of her savings running and hiding all across the world, and Cliff takes a deal and presumably lives of his savings, pension and his wife’s income.

Rhodes: Full USAF colonel with over 10 years service? $105,562.80 per year, plus $293.23 drill pay per drill and $175 per month hazard pay, and because he’s team Stark and not Team Cap in Civil War, he’d not lose any of that. He presumably also gets an injury pay-out after his accident. After T’challa and Stark, he might be the best paid avenger.

Dr Strange: spends all his money he made as a surgeon on trying to cure his hands: spends literally his last dollars heading to Nepal to train. Wong even jokes with him about their lack of worldly money when asking for a tuna-melt. But, can use illusion to make people think he has money, and his home and clothes etc. come with the job, so in the same boat as Thor in that he has no money, but needs none AKA, he’s a bastard to try and split a restaurant bill with.

Wanda and Vision: No know source of income, just sort of live in Tony’s hose and eat his food, and on top of that Wanda goes on the run after civil war… yet they can stay in fancy hotels in Edinburgh, a relatively expensive city, and Vison apparently bought them a house to retire in, so one of them has some source of money. Maybe Tony gave Vision years of back-pay form when he was still Jarvis, or maybe the vison has a day job, which is, frankly, hilarious. Could you imagine him as a barista? I can, and it makes me very happy.

Scott Lang: I’d assumed he’d be super, super broke, but apparently the average pay for a private security consultant in the Bay area is $85,430 per year. Not bad. Pity he gets sucked into the quantum realm just as his business is taking off, so presumably, flat broke again.

Bucky: no known income, and I doubt Hydra paid him for being the Winter Soldier so he probably has no savings, but he should, technically, qualify for a military pension. As a single veteran, he’d be  eligible for federal tax-free pension of up to $1732 per month, or $20,784 tax free per year. Not much for someone who lives in NYC. He may also be eligible for medical benefits over the loss of his arm. Whether or not he got to see any of that money given how confused his life has been over the past 10 years is unclear, but on paper he’s eligible.

T’challa: He is, quite possibly, richer than Stark, and as an absolute monarch pays no tax and has access to his Nation’s vast wealth in vibanium. It’s good to be the king!

Captain Marvel: USAF captain, and a test pilot; the test pilot school only accepts applicants with a service length of less than 9 years 6 months (10 years six moths of helicopters) as they don’t want older applicants. With 8 years service, $79,538.40, plus drill pay and hazard.  However, no know (human) pay since 1990. Flat broke.

Guardians of the Galaxy: no data, but I’m assuming “Cowboy Bebop” levels of perpetual never-ending poverty given the way they choose to live. I’d also assume Rocket has taken all their cash into some sort of Ponzi scheme of his own creation, because just look at him, of course he has.

Spidey: he’s got about $10 of his aunts’ money at any given time, so he can buy lunch… which may in fact be more than Banner or Lang, and we know it’s more that Strange or Thor.

 So, here the big one: how rich or how broke is Sam?

Sam Wilson: annoyingly, we’re not directly told what rank Sam held in any MCU film. USAF pararescue “Maroon berets” are generally NCO’s (but there’ are officer-ranked pararescue) , and he’s seen working on his wings at one point, where as officers don’t generally work on or maintain airframes. He’s shown wearing a Nation Air guard grey while jogging at one point to confuse the matter further. The general consensus on redit is he’s a former USAF tech sergeant (E-6). But how long was he in the air force? With six years service (the minimum sensible time he could have served to work in pararescue based on his age), that would be $41,464.80 per year, plus drill pay and hazard. As Anthony Mackie, the actor that plays him, was 36 as of Civil War, and assuming the character is the same age, and assuming he retired from the air force that year, and he joined the USAF at 17, the youngest you can join, he’d have served 19 years, giving him a pay of $51,566.40, the maximum pay you can get at this rank before promotion to Master Sergent,  but meaning he left just before he’d qualify for the 50% final salary pension you’d qualify for after 20 years. Which seems weird. So let’s assume the character is one year older than the actor that plays him and served 20 years (ages 17-37), that means Sam has a military pension of $25,783.20 per year (20,784 of it tax-free), plus any injury benefits. He councils other veterans, but doesn’t get paid for that. He also chooses Team Cap in Civil War, so would become a wanted criminal, and so lose his income between 2016 and 2018, and then gets snapped and has no income for 5 years, which would destroy his credit rating. Like the rest of Team Cap, he presumably gets his post snap pardon, and goes to work for the US government at his former pay and rank. However, given how Captain John Walker treats him as an equal, it’s possible he’s been promoted to a captain when the  hired back, giving him a pay of between $54,176.40 to $88,142.40 (with 20 years experience, depending on if they take into account his prior service or not, and how much prior service he has), but either way, he’s just starting this as a new job after being legally dead for 5 years: no savings, and no credit.

Commercial fishing vessels cost about 10% of their total value per year in maintenance alone. I can’t identify what sort of boat the Wilson’s have, but some quick googling indicates that the cheapest  15m long wooden in-shore shrimp trawler costs around $140,000, so that’s $14,000 per year in maintenance costs alone, minimum. And that’s a lower estimate, assuming the rest of the business is sound, which we know it isn’t.

So, in concussion, yes, Sam is in some serious financial trouble until he can re-build his savings and credit, but the scary bit is he’s not alone in that: he’s probably better off than Lang, Banner, Danvers, Strange, Thor, Bucky, Wanda and Parker. Only Clint (if he gets a full pardon and gets his full pension), Rhodes, Stark and T’challa aren’t in some sort of potential financial problems. That asshole bank teller was right: despite the fact it seems to pay well on paper, with a few exceptions, the Avengers financials are probibaly a mess. EDIT: Rocket is running the Ponzi scheme, if that’s not clear from context. The others know they have money somewhere, but not where it’s gone. And It’s been pointed out to me that as he’s technically a POW while he’s the Winter Soldier, Bucky is owed over 70 years back-pay, equal to over 3 million dollars, details in the notes.

[witchynyx]

Disabled Witchery

So for reference: I'm autistic, have ADHD/depression/anxiety/insomnia, and have mobility issues, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, and fibromyalgia.

My witchcraft is more recent than all of these (about 3yrs now), so I've not really adapted a practice to my limitations, but I've created my own practice which thus works around them. It's hard to know what qualifies as a 'hack' when you've never really known anything different, but I'm going to see what I come up with.

Timing is Flexible

I guess one of the things that makes the biggest difference for me is being flexible about time. Wanna do a full moon ritual but you just don't have the capacity to do so in the hour closest to its peak illumination? Anywhere within a few days is cool - I know considering 3 days as full (ie the night closest to 100% and the night either side, but some also consider 5 days (at which it's still 98%+ illumination), or even 7 (still over 95%)!

Likewise with your seasonal celebrations, it doesn't have to be on *the* date! Nature doesn't flick sudden switches between seasons, so the energy of a certain celebration or event doesn't suddenly appear and then disappear after 24 hours. There's often up to a week between the traditional and astronomical dates of the sabbats, and honestly, I'll do whatever I'm planning within up to a week either side of that. If there's a few things I want to do, they they don't all need to be done on the same day, either. You don't need to do everything at once, and you don't need to do them at the exact time/day.

You don't have to do All The Things!

I especially see the stress of this from younger and newer witches, but you really don't have to do everything. Sure, it might be nice to do an elaborate ritual every new moon, full moon, and sabbat, but that's a LOT! And that's even a lot for someone young, in good health, with lots of energy and minimal external commitments! Maybe you still want to observe all these, but all you can manage is 5min meditating near your window or lighting a candle to acknowledge these - that's rad, and totally counts!

Magic + Self Care = Win

Honestly there are so many books on how to inject magic into your self-care routine*, but witchcraft has literally been the best thing for my self-care game. Learning to connect with myself and the natural world around me has been the best thing I've ever done for my mental health. Plus it's an easy way to implement the things you're learning! I incorporate colour magic into my clothes/makeup selection, medical and magical herbalism both inform my tea selections, perfume and bath salt blends, and charm my food/drinks.

* My fave book on the topic so far is Light Magic for Dark Times by Lisa Marie Basile (she's also chronically ill).

Nature is Everywhere

I literally live in the very centre of my city - I can't drive, how much I can walk is pretty limited, and even spending much time on public transport wipes me out - but nature is still EVERYWHERE! Even excluding the herbs growing in pots on my balcony and and the pothos in my bookshelves, an urban space still has nature. Without leaving my apartment I can still see a few pigeons/crows/etc flying past occasionally, and a few paperbark trees, plus the roses and crepe myrtle in the garden of the old building across the road.

If you don't have 4 different species of street trees growing on your block or any parks/gardens nearby, what plants grow in abandoned spaces, or force their way through cracks in the concrete? What birds are around? Is anyone nearby growing plants in window boxes or balconies? Even on a terrible day, walking past the paperbark tree across the road when it's covered in flowers brings me a moment of joy.

Meditation Isn't That Hard...

... But it still kinda is. Literally the main purpose most folks are using meditation for is to train their focus. All that needs to be is picking a focal point (the breath is a common one, because it's always available) and focusing on it - your brain will absolutely wander from that, that's just when you gently nudge it back to your focal point. That's literally it! Over time, your brain will wander less often, and return back where you want it more easily. It's not supposed to be easy straight-up, otherwise there wouldn't be any benefit to it - it's a skill you practice to get better at, like any skill.

You don't need to sit any particular way - if you have pain/fatigue, you can lie down (just ideally somewhere you're not at risk of falling asleep), if you have ADHD or are otherwise hyperactive/easily bored, you can combine it with movement (stretching, walking, running, you can honestly meditate while smashing out your cardio at the gym). There's lots of ways you can adapt the basic premise, and it's totally fine to use guided meditations if you get caught up in your own mind and need external reminders to prompt you back to your focus.

ADHD Note: Meditation is literally THE most effective non-medication way to improve our focus! The down-side is that our brains are dopamine-deprived/seeking and meditation doesn't tend to give us that dopamine hit it wants, which can make the executive dysfunction a massive block to actually doing the thing. I'm pretty stuck here myself, particularly with my physical health stuff ruling out anything particularly physical/active.. I might need to see if I can find something high-dopamine to do afterwards as a bribe?

It's Okay to do Your Own Thing

Throw out any idea of what your practice "should" look like or include and just roll with what works. If you're physically disabled and struggle to leave the house, feeling like you need to do you rituals in a remote forest is probably going to mean you don't get to do many and then feel crap about yourself - craft a ritual you can do sitting in bed! If you're asthmatic, perhaps using candles, sprays, or bells would work better to cleanse your space than burning incense or herbs. If you have poor fine motor control or impaired vision, maybe you find it easier to record your journey digitally! Doing something "differently" and being able to do it is far better than doing something "properly" and just.. literally never being able to do it.

You're Not Alone

There are honestly SO many disabled, chronically ill, neurodivergent, and mentally ill witches out there. We're really often drawn to witchcraft, and there are some folks putting out some great resources on how they adapt their practice - like @heatherwitch's "Bedridden Witchcraft" series. Quite a few popular witchy authors are chronically ill as well, like Lisa Marie Basile, Juliet Diaz, and Arin Murphy-Hiscock. Don't let anyone tell you that your can't practice witchcraft unless you're physically and mentally well, it's bullshit, and we're all living proof.

[shurisneakers]

shut in [12]

Summary: When your high profile mission goes terribly wrong, you’re forced to hide in a safehouse with a man you’ve never met before. With seemingly nowhere else to go, you’re forced to work together to figure out who is trying to have you assassinated before it’s too late. (Sam Wilson x Reader, Hitman AU)

Warnings: anxiety, ptsd, abuse, death

Word count: 2.7k

A/N: two more chapters to go after this + an epilogue i haven’t written yet fdkjghdfkhg. things pick up next chapter don’t worry. i’d love to know your favourite parts so far if you have any!!

i also appreciate feedback so if you would like to, please consider dropping me an ask or comment ly guys!

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous Part || Shut In Masterlist

Your first home, from what you could remember, was the overcrowded hall you shared with kids in and around your age. 

There was too much noise. Always too much noise. 

Even when the children were in their classes, there was always someone whose cries you could hear in the distance when they realised they had nowhere else to go, peals of laughter during lunch breaks, excited whispers when someone came to visit, nervous excuses when belongings went missing.

The orphanage you were brought up in was no place for a child. It was underfunded and an utterly miserable sight. But you made your first friends there. A fiery redhead and a boy who resembled a puppy with his shiny blonde hair and blue eyes. Their names escaped you now. 

Within structured schedules and learning to stow away candy left behind by volunteers so that they weren’t taken away by others, you found relief. You didn’t have a family. Caregivers came and went more than the seasons changed. But maybe what the girl and boy gave you came close. As close as six year olds could get, anyway. 

They were picked before you. The red head left first, and a few months later was the last you saw of the boy. You often wondered where they were, how they were doing. You never truly got answers, but it wasn’t like you went searching. 

You waited another year. They didn’t return. By then a man with a leather jacket who suspiciously wore sunglasses indoors had filled out the paperwork for you and two other kids. You had never interacted with them before until then. A few years down the line you were the only one of the three that remained anyway.

Your second house was in a dark hall. You weren’t allowed to roam around on your own; no one cared if you were 8 or 18. If you needed to be out of the way, you’d be out. 

The man who pulled you out of the orphanage you never saw again. A secret adoption, you found out years later, so that no one would know of your existence. All the paperwork he filled out would have mysteriously been destroyed. To the world, you never existed and outside the organisation you were simply another kid who slipped through the cracks.

He disappeared after you were introduced to another who looked to be in his late twenties. He nicknamed you Buttercup, introducing you as the newest member of his cartel. He told you you were delicate, that he’d give you purpose you didn’t think you could have.

The room was inconceivably small. It barely squeezed in a bed and a small closet with a few changes of clothes. It was dark and congested but it enamoured you. Something to yourself. You didn’t have to fight over it with others who had just as little as you.

The man let you hang around with him. He’d show you the artillery, the large fighting rings with men in them beating each other half to death, the rooms he’d hold meetings with where the lighting was a little darker than the rest. He said it made him look menacing and they needed that where he was working. You giggled.

You found a home with the man who was razor sharp and acidic but insisted it was out of love. You wanted to impress him so badly; begged him to let you in the ring, to wield a gun. He’d only shake his head no, saying that he was waiting for the right time.

For two years you were invited to see what would happen if someone disappointed him. Your first encounter with death was a man who had dared to run away. A bullet in his head later you realised that was the best way to kill someone. His favourite way. And you just wanted to be his favourite.

He didn’t take it easier just because you were ten. He only stopped them from fully killing you. 

“All these broken bones will heal,” he had said, “but you will always remember the pain. The minute you forget, it will happen again.”

So you didn’t forget. You observed and tried, and kicked yourself twice for every one mistake you made. Every time you’d look towards him for approval, he’d shake his head and point out everything wrong. You hated it. You hated it so fucking much. 

The rage you kept building had only one outlet, the one he provided. So it became instinct. It was all you knew.

 You found a home with a man you wanted to impress so bad, you never stopped to ask for what. To him, it was repayment for giving you purpose.

When you were fourteen you realised that no, the feeling in your stomach wasn’t from the previous week’s sparring session. It was butterflies. And for the grumpy new kid nonetheless. 

He was your age, but missing an arm and couldn’t remember how or why. You didn’t ask him many questions. He was silent, and a little grouchy, which you didn’t like. But you did like when he offered his hand to you after a fight and you did like the nice smile he occasionally had. 

You found a new home with his silent company and non-judgemental looks. He always seemed a little sad, like he was searching for something else. He was an excellent marksman and wasn't bad at hand to hand either.

He’d hang around your new room, one that was bigger than your initial place. You’d talk about new techniques you picked up. He talked about how he wished he remembered where he came from. 

He was a friend. You needed one. 

You remembered the night you were roughly shaken awake to the same boy saying he was going to be taken in the morning to the other centre. A permanent shift for reasons he didn’t know.

You didn’t get a chance to ask how or why, but in the flurry of him explaining that he had to go before someone noticed he left his room, he pressed a kiss to your lips in a rushed goodbye and ran back to the darkness. You were dazed for the rest of the night. You didn’t see him in the morning.

When you asked Ransone why he was gone, he mutely said that he was a distraction. You couldn’t afford one. He didn’t explain any further, no matter how much you begged.

Similar friends found themselves entering and exiting your life just as this boy did. You stopped keeping track. It hurt too much to wake up one morning to learn they weren’t there. You wondered why the influx of kids never stopped if you weren’t supposed to be friends with them. 

You realised years later that they were sent there to be ripped away from you as soon as possible. To toughen you up. 

He wouldn’t get rid of something immediately, not if it could be used to hurt you.

Your first mission was when you were fifteen. It was a small time thing; go threaten a man in his house so that he thought twice before crossing Ransone again. You did exactly as you were told, except while you were leaving you heard the cocking of a gun. You spun around and shot him in the shoulder, temporarily disabling him as you left. He cowered on the ground.

You couldn't find anyone as you stumbled back to the centre. There wasn’t a friend who you could vent to. All you had was Ransone. He congratulated you on your first shot, ignoring the trembling of your body and the redness that rimmed your eyes.

You realised that his approval didn’t mean so much to you anymore. If your only purpose was to harm, it wasn’t what you wanted. Not like you had a choice.

Then there was Scott, only brought in for minor things like breaking and entering. He was a funny one and you found yourself spending more and more time with him whenever he did show up. You pulled away when you realised that he was going to end up gone like the rest of the people when Ransone realised that you were paying more attention to him than you should.

He was a sneaky one though; climbed in during nights only to disappear by dawn before anyone saw. He was infectiously light, different from the darkness you were used to seeing. You sought out his brightness, his warmth and he happily gave it to you in unlit corridors and midnight trips that had your adrenaline spiking.

Scott lasted longer than anyone else. They didn’t consider him important enough to pay attention to and he never gave them any chance of doing it. He was, what you wanted to believe, your first love. Or what it felt like anyway, love was scarce and so you clung onto whatever he offered. 

There was a home in Scott that you wanted to keep alive. You found solace in his flustered repetitions and occasional cheesy magic trick. He made you laugh, and it lit up his face when you leaned over and kissed him gently. 

When you got the news that he was killed in a heist gone wrong, you didn’t feel anything for days. The man who broke the news to you looked at you with undertones of pity. 

Everyone knew it wasn’t an accident. 

You didn’t bring it up with Ransone and simply ignored it when he called it a good riddance even though he would be missed. If you listened to everything he said, you were afraid that you would just kill him.

It was excruciating. You didn’t have anyone to talk to. Only Ransone, as he kept reminding you.

“I’m the only one who cares about you, Buttercup,” he cooed and you clenched your eyes shut. “We’re family.”

No more relationships happened after that. Occasional coworkers-with-benefits but nothing that crossed that. You hadn’t had a friend in years, and Ransone was more than pleased to keep it that way. He was the only constant you’d had your entire life, willingly or not. 

People were placed in your way to only inform Ransone of what new updates were in your life. Once they sent whatever information he needed his way, they’d automatically be removed. Everyone had a hidden agenda. Everyone had a specific reason to want to talk to you.

You just let them. What was the point of trying to hide it? You weren’t going to escape any time soon.

“Your only home,” Ransone reminded you, “is here with me.”

You rebelled, many times. Some looked like they would last. In the end you’d return to his dingy office for your next mission because as much as you despised him for the things he had done to you, the guilt over the things he had done for you overshone. Having him as your enemy would be worse than having his convoluted sense of love shoved down your throat until you were forced to accept him. 

And that’s what it had been like until now.

You try and take in as much as you can of the house you’re standing in right now. What you used to find restrictive and a crude form of punishment, you found calming. The mundane nature of everyday life was charming. 

It wasn’t a vacation, you reminded yourself. But the same feeling of emptiness returned every time you thought of your next move.

You didn’t want to leave. You didn’t want to go back to what you once thought was a home. 

You’d eat a thousand dry peanut butter sandwiches over and over again for the rest of your life before even considering going back. You didn’t care for the lack of twenty-first century technology. 

You were feeling things you had shoved away years ago because it wasn’t a life meant for you. Now that you were forced to live it and see what it could be like not living in a fight-or-flight mode every second, you can’t see how you ever survived this long. 

But still, you had told Ransone that you were returning, and it was a promise he would expect you to uphold. 

You tried to remember as much as you can of your time here. The way the sunlight feels against your skin in the morning, the sugariness of the jelly that was basically finished, the worn out tactical clothing from the wardrobe, the leather of the couch clinging to your skin as you rewatch the same three movies time and time again.

You tried to remember the first time you were introduced to the target board, and the range you and Sam had crafted together. The path to the specific tree and back on your runs and the grass that had wilted along it from contant treading.

You sat on the porch stairs for hours, leaning against the pillar for support. The first house you lived in was too loud, the second was too quiet. But this; this was just right. 

Sam joined you eventually in the silence. You were grateful for the company. 

“Have you decided on a day?”

You nod, looking straight ahead into the darkness. “Tomorrow.”

“You sure? Our timing has to be right.”

“Yeah.” Your voice is coarse. “I’ll have to tell him.”

He nodded, leaning his elbows on his knees. He was too tall for the stairs, looking like he was crouching instead of sitting.

His voice dropped to a whisper like it’s a secret only meant for you. “In case Ransone sees me and decides to…” 

He gestured lewdly, sighing when you peer at him in confusion, “...kill me, you need to continue-”

“Stop talking,” you interrupted him quietly. You don’t even want to think about that possibility.

“It can happen. I hope it doesn’t, because it’s a waste of a perfectly good face,” he continues but you just shake your head, trying to drown him out. “Then promise me you’ll do your best to get out. This life isn’t for us, Y/N.”

“I’m not going to let you die,” you muttered. “Not this time.”

“I’m not saying I will, honey,” he continues in a hushed tone, not disturbing the silence built around you, “But it’d make me happy knowin’ that at least one of us gets a shot to live another life. And I know you make good on your promises.”

You were so tired. Of everything. Knowing that you’d be dragged back into it only made the pain sharpen.

“Scout’s honour,” you vowed. He let out a smile at the memory of the last time he used it, lifting his arm to put over your shoulder as you scoot in closer to him.

You sit like that for who knows how long. The night fell hours ago but you don’t want to let go. 

“It’s gettin’ pretty late,” he commented.

“I don’t want to go.”

“You’re gonna need some energy for tomorrow.” He’s right, but you don’t want to admit it.

“It’s your turn at the bed tonight,” you evade it. 

“You can have it,” he debated softly. If it was your last day there, then he’d do anything to make it the best one. 

You’re stuck by an idea but you weren’t sure how he’d react. It wouldn’t be a big deal on the surface but you hadn’t ever done it before.

“Would you maybe-” you trail off.

“We can share,” he finished your thought, pulling you a little closer. You needed comfort. He knew that.

“Thank you,” you whisper. 

He only pressed a kiss to your temple, letting you sit out for as long as you needed.

Calm. 

The woods provided excellent coverage while also giving him a clear sight of the house. The two of you sat on the porch together, speaking quietly to each other, out of earshot. 

It didn’t matter what you were saying now. He had already heard what he needed to hear. 

“Get ready,” the agent said hushedly into the intercom, “they’re leaving tomorrow.”

Next part

[sketching-shark]

LMK fandom: Oh, what do we do about this guy who has nothing but hurt Xiaotian, tried to replace Sun Wukong and his crew, hurt Tripitaka and ordered servants to cannibalize a monkey? Oh I know! We’ll turn him into our little meow meow~ he’s so innocent and Sun Wukong is obviously the villain!

What doesn’t help is this idea is perpetuated by multiple fan fic writers and artists for some reason. Especially some aus they make that turn SWK into a bastard for the sake of the story rather than considering cultural context and thinking they should be respectful.

And almost everyone lets them get away with it just because the art or fanfic is good and they get so popular that no one can point what is actually wrong without feeling like they’re going to get attacked.

I'm starting to feel like my blog is the one anons go to specifically to vent their frustrations about the Six Eared Macaque in his lego monkey show form & the associated fandom lmao. But I guess this makes sense, as I’ve had fun quasi-dragging him before & will in fact use this anon submission as an opportunity to have my own, to put it academically, bitch fest about not just this fandom's favorite protagonist-traumatizing meow meow, but about the way villains are often treated in not just fanon, but increasingly in canon works as well. But same policy as with the last anon; I'll post my opinions below the cut, and as fandoms love to say, don’t like don't read if you don't want to see me dunking on the six eared simian & common fandom tendencies towards villains.

Oh man I would say where would you even begin with this but anon you’ve pretty much started yourself with my main gripe with a lot of ways that the Six-Eared Macaque is portrayed in fandom; there seems to be this unspoken agreement that his acts of violence towards Sun Wukong, Qi Xioatian, and Qi Xioatian’s loved ones are either to be framed as somewhat or totally justified, to be immediately forgiven/excused, or to simply & completely be ignored. Like friends maybe this is just me not seeing the proper posts but while the fandom is inundated with art and fanfics of Macaque as a generally decent individual & a true member of team good guy, I have yet to see one person address the fact that this monkey literally kidnapped & mind-controlled Xiaotian’s best friend and father figures & forced them to brutalize Xiaotian while ol’ Six Ear looked on and laughed (X_X). Like this kind of fandom villain treatment is definitely not something that’s solely at work for Monkie Kid, but it is kind of nutty how fandoms will swing between yelling that people should be allowed to like villains without even mild critique, and then will just flat-out not address the villainous behavior, and will even bend over backwards to frame even characters who committed genocide as just poor innocent widdle victims who need a hug. At its worst, I’ve even seen tons of people in a fandom get really angry at other people who don’t like a villain, and will even start accusing those people of hating real-life mentally disabled or abused individuals all because they don’t like the fandom’s favorite literal war criminal. The Monkie Kid fandom is FAR more chill & better than a lot of other fandoms I’ve come across in that regard, but that is an exceedingly low bar, & the tendency to woobify certain kinds of villains-- as with Macaque and the extreme emphasis on his bad boy/sad boy thing--is very much at work.  

 I’ve also talked before about a kind of monoculturalization of certain character interpretations and story beats in fandoms, and one of the more popular ones that seems to be applied to Macaque a lot is the “hero actually bad, villain actually good” cliche, as observable from the general fandom assumption that Mr. Six-Ears he wasn’t even slightly lying or remembering things through a rose-tinted or skewed lens when he gave his version of his and Sun Wukong’s past. Like at this point it seems the possibility that people WILL NOT even consider is that Sun Wukong never did & still doesn't care that much about the Six Eared Macaque (in JTTW they weren’t sworn brothers & in Monkie Kid the only thing the monkey king really said to Macaque before attacking him was a pretty contemptuous "Aren't you ever going to get sick of living under my shadow?," & responds to his "beloved friend" getting blown up with "You did good, bud" to Qi Xiaotian, who did the exploding), or that their original fight may in fact have mostly been instigated by Macaque. After all, to repeat what this anon summarized & what I've said before about their original JTTW context (& in an example of the things that do feel like it's often lost in translation) is that the Six Ear Macaque was a villain not just because he beat up the Tang Monk, but because he wanted to take over Sun Wukong's entire life and identity so he could have all that glory, prestige, and power for himself. To quote the macaque himself from the Anthony C. Yu translation, "I struck the T'ang monk and I took the luggage...precisely because I want to go to the West all by myself to ask Buddha for the scriptures. When I deliver them to the Land of the East, it will be my success and no one else's. Those people of the South Jambudvipa Continent will honor me then as their patriarch and my fame will last for all posterity." And in order to do this, the Six Eared Macaque had apparently made Sun Wukong's "little ones," his monkey family, his captives through either trickery or force, and gotten a number of them to take on the appearance of Tang Sanzang and the other pilgrims. It's also made clear that in very direct contrast to Sun Wukong, he doesn't care about these monkeys beyond how they might serve him. In fact, after Sha Wujing kills the monkey posing as him the Six Eared Macaque not only all but immediately replaces him with another, but also "told his little ones to have the dead monkey skinned. Then his meat was taken to be fried and served as food along with coconut and grape wines." So this monkey is not only willing to risk the lives of a lot of other monkeys for his own personal benefit, but is also a literal cannibal. And yes yes, I know a lot of people have argued that Monkie Kid shouldn't be considered a direct sequel to JTTW & that's fair enough (for example, Sun Wukong probably shouldn't be smashing anyone into a meat patty in a children's cartoon lol). And of course, it needs to be noted that there are a buttload of really out there & really cursed pieces of media based on JTTW & that were created in China. Yet the above description is the oft-ignored in the west original facet of the Six Eared Macaque's character. And it is this selfishness, entitlement, and treatment of other individuals as tools for his own self-serving ends  that is, from where I’m standing, still very much present in Monkie Kid. Like besides repeatedly going out of his way to physically and psychologically traumatize Xioatian, with the last episode Macaque seemed to be going right back to his manipulative ways. I’ve seen people frame their last conversation as Macaque softening to Xioatian a little bit, but personally that read a lot more like that common tactic among abusers where even after they’ve hurt you they’ll dangle something you want or need over your head (in Macaque’s case, the promise of desperately needed training and information about a serious looming threat), with the implication that you’ll only get it if you do what they want you to, such as, in this case, Xioatian going back to Macaque as his student even after having been so terribly hurt by this monkey, which would give Macaque power over Xiaotian and probably Sun Wukong as a result. And it is this violence and manipulation that it seems the fandom at large has tacitly decided shouldn’t even be addressed, instead leaning more towards a (and this is an exaggeration) “Six-Eared Macaque my poor meow meow Sun Wukong has always been bad & has always been wrong about literally everything” reading. 

And while it is the case that I am not Chinese and feel that as such it would be best left to someone who actually comes from that background to provide more context into how common interpretations of the Six Eared Macaque from China may clash really badly with the stuff the western fandom creates, it also must be noted that, as much as we all want to have fun in fandom & in spite of all the out-there versions of JTTW from China, we westerners should recognize that there is a very long and very ugly history of western countries stripping other cultures’ important religious and literary works for parts & mashing them into their own thing while implying or even insisting that what they present provides a true understanding of the original piece. And while I trust most individuals in regards to Monkie Kid are able to step back and think “this is a lego cartoon and not a set guide for how I should understand JTTW” (especially given the insistence that JTTW and Monkie Kid should be considered there own separate works) there does nevertheless seem to be something of a tendency to take the conclusions people come to, for example, about Sun Wukong’s characteristic in his lego form & then assume that’s just reflective to Sun Wukong as a totality. I imagine a good portion of this is due to people not reading JTTW & especially to not having easy access to solid information or answers about JTTW’s many different facets (like geez awhile ago I was trying to get a clear answer on what is considered the most accurate translation of the names of Sun Wukong’s six sworn brothers & got like 5 different responses lmao), but that tendency to take a western fandom interpretation & run with it instead of doing any background research or questioning said interpretation is still very much at play. As such, & as made prominent in the way people have been interpreting the dynamic between Sun Wukong and the Six Eared Macaque in the lego monkey show, tbh it does seem kind of shitty for western creators & audience to sometimes go really out of their way to ignore all of this original cultural & narrative context for the sake of Angst (TM) in Macaque's favor, demonizing Sun Wukong, and shipping the monkey king with his evil twin (X_X).

And speaking of which, even beyond the potential inherent creepiness & revulsion that can be inspired by this specific ship given common interpretations of the og classic's original meaning (again, it's my understanding, given both summaries of translated Chinese academic texts I've been kindly provided with, my own reading of the Anthony C. Yu translation of JTTW, & vents from a number of Chinese people I've seen on this site, that the Six-Eared Macaque is commonly interpreted in China as having originated from Sun Wukong himself as a living embodiment of his worst traits, hence why only Buddha can tell the difference between them & why the monkey king is much more slow to violence after he kills the macaque), I'd argue that in the face of all the uwu poor widdle meow meow portrayals lego show Macaque is, especially if you include JTTW's events, still in the role of “Sun Wukong but worse” as he is very much a violent & selfish creep. Like he was basically running around in JTTW wearing a Sun Wukong fursuit, but there he had the sole reason of wanting to replace Sun Wukong wholesale so he could have all the good things in the monkey king's life without actually having to work as hard for them. But if you combine that with Macaque now claiming that he used to be best friend with Sun Wukong in his pre-journey days (something that's made funny from a JTTW context given that that status actually belongs to the Demon Bull King lol), his original violence has now blown into this centuries long and really unhealthy obsession with the monkey king. Like he's apparently gone from wanting to literally be Sun Wukong to being so obsessed with getting revenge on Sun Wukong that he's got basically nothing else going on in his life. Like he's only appeared in two episodes but...does he have any friends? Any family? A career or even a hobby that DOESN'T center the monkey king? Anything at all outside of his "get revenge on and/or kill Sun Wukong/use his successor as my personal punching bag” thing? Like dude! That is extremely creepy and extremely bad for everyone all around! As I’ve said before, this seeming refusal to see beyond the past or to do something that doesn’t involve Sun Wukong in some capacity is a trait that makes Macaque an interesting and somewhat tragic villain--he even seems to be working as Sun Wukong’s reflection in a mirror darkly, with lego show Sun Wukong pretty clearly not being able to heal from his own past which is hinted to be defined by one loss after another, and with Monkie Kid even kind of having these two characters somewhat follow their JTTW characterizations in that in the latter half of the journey Sun Wukong often gets sad & starts crying in the face of what seems insurmountable odds (& Monkie Kid Sun Wukong does seem to be hiding some serious depression behind a cheerful facade), whereas the Six-Eared Macaque retains a worse version of Sun Wukong’s pre-journey characteristic of getting pissed and lashing out if things don’t go his way--but it’s also what would make any current friendship or romantic relationship between these monkeys horrific. Although to be fair even the fandom seems to recognize this in an unconscious way, in that a lot of the art & fanfic seems to swing erratically between them kissing & screaming at each other in yet another example of bog-standard fandom adulation of romanticized toxic relationships lol.  

At the end of the day, of course, this is nothing new. You'll find versions of this dynamic across a ton of fandoms and now even canonical work. And as such, I can only look at this kind of popularized relationship dynamic with a kind of resigned weariness whenever it pops up, & my frustrated question with the popularity of this kind of pairing is the exact same one that I have for a multitude of blatantly toxic villain/hero ships, given common fandom discourse & the tendency to either ignore or justify the villain's actions & demonize the hero: if you're THAT convinced that everything is the hero's fault, if you believe THAT much that the hero is the one in the wrong for the villain's pain and their subsequent actions, then why are you so set on them not only becoming a romantic pair, but framing this get-together as a good thing? Like I know we contain multitudes but that's waaay too many contradictions for me to wrap my head around. And it definitely doesn’t help that one branch of underlying reasoning behind this kind of pairing seems to be the ever-present “you break it, you fix it” mentality, where the assumption is that if you’re in a failing, abusive, and/or generally toxic relationship (platonically or romantically), if you put in enough time and effort & attempts to compromise, you’ll be able to restore/have the relationship you dreamed of, even with someone who hurt you really badly. And this assumption isn’t limited to fandom: I’d even argue that it’s everywhere in the culture, hence why a lot of people feel like they “failed” if they have to get a divorce or make the choice to leave an unhealthy friendship. Personally, I feel like people could really benefit from more stories about how it is not only the case that the people you hurt don’t owe you their forgiveness & you can still become a better and happier person without the one you hurt in your life, & that while it can be really hard it can also be a good thing to leave a relationship, even if it’s one that once meant a lot to you. 

  But in all honestly, from my own perspective this kind of pairing is starting to read far less like enemies to lovers and far more like a horrible fantasy where you can pull whatever shit you want, even on the people you "love," & never be held accountable for your terrible behavior or even have to consider that maybe you were in the wrong. It's another facet that makes me larf every time I see people insist that fandom is an inherently "transformative" or "progressive" form of storytelling like friends you are literally just taking status quo toxic monogamy & rebranding it as somehow beneficial & romantic (X_X).

But as to anon’s last frustration, it is hard to know what is the appropriate response with this kind of thing...like for my own part I’m keeping my frustrations to my blog & now increasingly to posts that you would have to click on the “read more” button to see what I have to say, but I totally get the hesitation to give even a mild critique to big names in a fandom. Like I've now seen it happen repeatedly where someone who has a big name in a fandom will make something that's kind of shitty for one reason or another, someone will message them with some version of "hey, that's kind of shitty, you shouldn't do that," and the typical response is either to blatantly ignore the issue completely, or more popularly to make a giant crying circus that seems deliberately geared towards stoking emotions on both sides of the, for example, fiction does/doesn't affect reality issue so that something that didn't even have to be that big a deal gets blown out of all proportion, with the big name often framing what often started out as a very mild critique into a long crying jag about how the initial response to their kind of shitty thing was so mean/cruel and they're just a poor innocent & that YOU'RE the true racist/sexist/bigot etc. if you don't agree with their opinion. It must of course be noted that there have also been numerous instances of people taking it too far the other way & sending not just big names but smaller creators literal deaths threats over stuff like innocuous ships which like holy hell bells people that’s a horrible thing to do. But for the big names at least, the end result of all this fighting is usually that once the dust has settled they have more attention/fame/money/power in the fandom than before, and with anyone who might have a problem with their stuff feeling afraid to voice their opinion lest they be swarmed by that person's fans. In that way fandom does often seem to increasingly be geared towards presenting an “official” fandom perspective about various facets of a piece of media instead of allowing for a multitude of interpretations, and with criticism, no matter its shape or form or how genuinely warranted it may be, being hounded out of existence. I feel like a lot of this could be made less bad if there wasn’t this constant assumption & even drive to think that a different interpretation of or criticism of your favorite work of fiction or your fanwork isn’t a direct claim that you are a thoroughly loathsome individual (& maybe also if people cultivated an enjoyment of learning things about important works from a culture outside their own, even if what you learn clashes with your own initial understandings), but I guess we’ll see if that ever happens. 

So these are my general thinks about the Six Eared Macaque’s current fandom meow meow status & some of my bigger gripes with fandom tendencies as a whole. I stand by my idea that the most interesting & beneficial route for Macaque moving forward would be a kind of “redemption without forgiveness from the ones you hurt” arc--as I think was done pretty excellently with the character Grace in Infinity Train--and if for no other reason than gosh dern this monkey really needs to cultivate some sort of identity beyond his “Sun Wukong but worse” persona. 

[thegingeralien]

Thought I might share my “doing homework with adhd” tips in case the might help even just one person (because that would make me feel happy).

Who am I to be giving you advice? Good point! I am still terrible at studying and I’m 26 and at University for the millionth time. But I have studied A LOT in my 22 years of schooling with varying degrees of success.

I see a lot of people, especially teenagers or first year university/college students, with ADHD asking for tips on how to study. But if you do a google search most of the websites and advice that comes up can be extremely ableist. So I hope I can help someone!

TIPS TO HELP YOU STUDY WHEN YOU HAVE AN ADHD GREMLIN BRAIN!:

1. Chewing gum!

- This might come across as a weird one, but it has actually really helped me. I use it as a form of stimming to help keep me focused and concentrating. Other forms of stimming can potentially end up being more of a distraction when you actually need to be reading or writing - but they can help if you just need to be listening. Try not to get a bubble gum or fun flavoured one though - as they can end up making your mouth feel dry, lose flavour quickly, and just give your brain way too many sensory things to become distracted with.

2. Buying colour coded stationary!

- New stationary can make me really excited to start studying, but that excitement never lasts long and the act of buying stationary can sometimes become it’s own hobby. That’s not what we are going for here. I really recommend, especially if you are a visual learner like me, to buy colour coded stationary. This means removable page markers, different coloured post it notes, highlighters, sometimes even pens. This way if your mind jumps from one topic to the other, it doesn’t matter. Go with the flow. Forcing your ADHD gremlin brain to focus can be extremely counter intuitive. So pick a colour for each topic, and stick to that system to find organisation among your own chaos!

3. Buy a really cheap, boring year diary with hardly any writing inside.

- Not sure if your school/university has their own diary but they can be perfect for what I am on about. Generally you can find them for really cheap, soft cover, no writing or designs within the dates. Just dates, days, weeks and lines where you can write your homework. This helped me a lot in High School. I wish I had kept doing it in University, but I am good with giving advice, and not so much with taking it. I used to decorate the outside of it however I wanted. Some years I would redecorate the same diary every semester. In the public holidays or holiday days I would colour those lines in with different highlighters to make it look like a rainbow. But every assignment due date, homework, draft, rewrite, form I had to bring back, library book due date, school activity days, ANYTHING to do with school I would write in there with reminds and check lists. Important due dates would be highlighted, general homework and daily to do lists t(o help me not leave my assignments to the last minute) would have a tick box beside them (because ticking tick boxes is free dopamine). Try to not put birthdays or fun things in it. This is a small way to stay on track so it helps you actually stay on track with the big things when you’re home.

4. Big whiteboards stuck on the wall where you can’t avoid it.

- This is not something I had in school, but I so wish I did. I have been using this recently to keep on top of house work (as maintaining your own house is tiring) and my small business or other things I really can’t avoid. If I physically write it down (not just in my phone) it psychologically does help you commit it to memory. Again, physically putting a line through a task you just completed is a hecking great rush of dopamine. But the biggest reason I love my white board, I can’t ignore it. It is stuck to the wall and is never out of sight, out of mind. I can’t put my phone or diary down and then refuse to look at it until I’m past the due date. Again, I’m not a perfect person, there are days where I don’t do anything I have written on the white board. But the great thing is, I don’t have to continuously feel like I failure, as I can wipe it all off the next morning or week and start fresh. I also put important things I have to remember that I’m doing during the week so I don’t forget them.

5. Icky Medication.

- I know not everyone wants to be on medication, and I understand. I am not forcing you to. No matter what your opinions are, you lovely gremlin who is still reading this post, regarding medication, you are valid and I respect you. My personal experience with medication has not been the best. I have been misdiagnosed for a severe chunk of my academic life which has seen me trying to focus and maintain school work under some even worse states then I am unmedicated! However, since receiving my diagnosis and finding the right ADHD medication for me, I have the ability to get so much work done without having to unnecessarily struggle. It’s unfortunately not magic, it will not turn me into a robot that makes me do work and turn out incredible, noble peace prize winning assignments (as much as I wish that were possible). I still have the ability to be a lump, doom scrolling through tumblr, forgetting to eat, and ignoring responsibilities. But it really helps me when I sit down and start that thing that isn’t fun. Yesterday it helped me hyperfocus on cleaning my office which was a terrifying room to be in. So it’s pretty close to magic in my opinion!

6. Accessing Disability Support at your place of learning.

- Not all of you taking the time to read this will have either a) an offical diagnosis or b) a good disability support available to you wherever you are completing your studies. And that is okay. This dot point just won’t be for you right now. But keep it in mind for a time when it might apply to you, as it’s something I never thought I would need, but will never take for granted ever again.

- If you have an offical diagnosis and Disability Support, make an appointment with the disability support adviser. DO IT NOW! Get your psychiatrist to write a diagnosis letter outlining that you have <enter superpower that makes you hilarious here> and that you are receiving <enter x,y,z treatment here> and that you would benefit from receiving <enter what you have always wished you had on the days you can’t make your ADHD gremlin brain do the thing here>. Now these benefits can be, but not limit to: automatic extensions on ALL assignments, extra time on exams, extra breaks to walk around while taking exams, special consideration when marking assignments, my university allows me to take exams in a separate room with only the other students in my subject who also have disability support (occasionally I have taken an exam alone with only a tutor present) so I don’t get distracted, permission to take fidget items into class or exam (I have the option to wear headphones, as long as I can display that they are not connected to anything). Maybe you can come up with some great ones for you with your disability advisor or your psychiatrist.

- The disability advisor will often go through your course outline with you at the start of each semester or year. This is annoying and a great time for disassociating, but can be useful in hindsight because you are made aware of everything that will come up during your class so you are not surprised. Because lets be honest, it is unlikely you are going to look at the course calendar too often.

- Side Note: I make an appointment every semester with my disability support officer for my area of study to make sure I have my special considerations for the year. Now I may go through the whole year without ever using my considerations. However, the fact that I know they are there takes an insane amount of pressure off of myself. If I’m having an insanely screwy loony tune mental health moment, I can email my coordinator my disability plan and say I need an extension due to personal reasons, and WHOOP, there it izzzzz.

7. Dedicated one thing or a few things that have nothing to do with food/alcohol/other substances to reward yourself with for doing the thing!

- This may not work for everyone. It doesn’t always work for me. I used to reward myself with food, but that only reinforced my stimming with overeating and my already bad relationship with food. And I feel as though that would be the same with any other substance that can be linked with addiction. (Addiction is a tough word, cause what aren’t I addicted to, I have ADHD, but hopefully you get what I mean!).

-Now, boring try and not choose this aside, lets think of somethings that work really well as rewards!

- My partner likes to come give me a kiss and a hug when ever they have written and reread a paragraph, you might buy a book when you get a really good mark, you might want to go make a cup of tea and watch an episode of your hyperfixation after studying for <enter a good period of time here>, you might allow yourself to partake in an activity you usually do while procrastinating (but at least this time you know you aren’t putting something off), talk to someone who you know will tell you they are proud of you as they understand the mental struggle you go through to concentrate (if you can’t think of anyone, it is 110% okay if that person are the amazing people on tumblr or the adhd tumblr chats. We will freaking pop a bottle of champagne for you cause we get it!).

- Try and make what ever you choose be something in a different room or away from your working space. Getting out can really calm you down.

8. Don’t be afraid to ask for assistance.

- This is true for anything, but I don’t mean just asking your teacher to give you extra help understanding the task and marking rubric. Many people online, tutors, librarians at your school, past or present students offer assistance rereading and making small edits (they won’t make it magical unfortunately) to your assignments. If you are like me and once you have written or completed the dreaded thing, you can not imagine or force your gremlin brain reread or edit the thing. So it can help to just delegate this to someone else, who hasn’t read it before, so they won’t disassociate or skim read it. They will often notice things you never would have even if you were neurotypical as that is just what happens when you have been working on something for so long.

9. Repetitive music.

- It generally helps if this has no lyrics. Lo-fi is amazing. Classical is alright too if it works for you, but both my partner and I agree that it can really assist you to keep up pace and focus when the beat is a high and repetitive (almost meditative) tempo.

10. Limit your screen space.

- This is a tip completely from my partner @dr-adhd who also has ADHD, is an avid PC gamer and is consistently in a battle with their gremlin brain to focus on completing their PhD. They have discovered that it really helps them to limit their screen space - simply put, work on one screen only. They have done more work more easily when they have their one screen on their laptop to focus on. Whereas their office has multiple screens so they could be playing runescape, watching YouTube, listening to lo-fi and doing work - which never worked (shocking right hahaha).

11. At the risk of sounding like a Mum... Put your phone and other electronics other than the assignment necessary one, away.

- I am a Mum, but to a fluffy puppy dog, so I hate to sound like my Mum when I was in high school, but she was right. Mobiles are the single easiest and biggest distraction in ADHD history. I often, even at coffee shops, have to turn my phone over so that I am not consistently looking at it every time the screen lights up to say the pizza place has sent me a coupon, or a carpet place that has been having a sale since I was born is... still having a sale, or a friend from school wants you to watch this TikTok. Even though you might not want to ignore your friends, because people pleasing, difficulting making/keeping friends and RSD are hecking real things, but they can all wait. Trust me, none of them are urgent. That TikTok will still be funny in an hour or two. And I’m probably completely right when I say that whomever just messaged you, never replies as quickly as you want them too. So I doubt they are going to think twice if you are MIA to finish your thing.

My partner or I might add to this later, but at the moment I already know that I probably wouldn’t read this wall of words if I was the one reading it, so if you are still with me, THANK YOU and I really hope I might have helped you. Sorry for the mound of words, but maybe you can reblog, screen shot, or save this and read a dot point at a time or refer to it when you need. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, I promise what ever it is, I’ve asked the same thing once in my life or something MUCH stupider.

[ailuronymy]

do you think every disabled character in wc is handled poorly? i understand theres def some cases of ableism but at the same time when i hear ppl say that its usually bc the disabled cat wasnt able to become a warrior due to their disability. and i feel like ppl forget, that not everyone irl CAN do what they want after they become disabled. ex. someone wants to be an athlete, but their legs have to be amputated. a cat like briarlight esp i feel is p realistic and could be a source of comfort

Hello there, thank you for writing in. I’m going to reply to this question with a series of questions I think are a bit more useful, given what you’re trying to ask me. I hope that’ll clarify what is a deeply complex, multilayered issue. 

Do I think Erin Hunter handles anything in the series “well”? Not really. I don’t have a high opinion of the work of the collective and, broadly speaking, I think every right note they play, metaphorically speaking, is an instance of chance rather than effort, skill, or intention. Stopped clocks are right twice a day, mediocre writers will sometimes do something cool by accident, similar principle. That’s not to say Erin Hunter hasn’t ever done anything on purpose--just that overall the underlying drive of the series isn’t so much quality as it is quantity, and speed of production, and it shows. 

Do I think Erin Hunter puts any significant research into how they portray disability? No. I do not think it is a priority for this series. They’re not trying to make a meaningful work of literature, or capture a realistic experience of disability, or tell especially impactful or thoughtful stories, or even make a particularly good or coherent fantasy world. Warriors is a specifically commercial product that was commissioned by HarperCollins to appeal to a particular demographic of drama-loving, cat-loving kids. It’s not really trying to do anything but sell books, because it’s a business, so the text in many ways reflects that. They’re not going for disability representation, in my opinion. They’re including disability in many cases as a plot-point or an obstacle. 

Do I think this means that people can’t connect to these characters and narratives in meaningful ways? No. Often I say that a work is completed only when it is read. Before that point, it doesn’t have a meaning: a reader finishes the work through the act of reading, and interpretation, and filling in the spaces and resonance of the story with their own values and experiences. When people talk about subjectivity, this is what they are talking about. What this means in the context of disabled characters in Warriors is that these characters and their stories can be multiple, conflicting, even mutually exclusive things at the same time, to different people, for different reasons. 

Do I think characters have to be “good” to be significant to someone? No. I think genuinely “bad” (i.e., not researched or poorly researched, cliche, thoughtlessly written, problematic, etc. etc.) characters can be deeply meaningful, and often are. Ditto above: for many people, and especially marginalised or stigmatised people, reading is almost always an act of translation, wherein the person is reading against the creative work of the dominant culture in a way that the author likely didn’t intend or didn’t even imagine. There’s a long documented history of this in queer culture, but it’s true for just about everyone who is rarely (or unfairly) represented in media. Disabled people often have to read deeply imperfect works of fiction featuring disability and reinterpret them in the process--whether to relate to a kind of disability they don’t experience themselves but which is the closest they’re offered to something familiar, or to turn positive and meaningful what is intended as narrative punishment, or simply to create what’s commonly called headcanon about “non-disabled” characters who echo their personal experiences. 

Do I think everyone has to agree? Extremely no. As I said before, people will actually always disagree, because all people have different needs and different experiences. What can be interpreted as empowering to one person might be very othering and painful for another. There is no “right” answer, because, again, that is how subjectivity works. This is especially true because marginalised communities are often many different kinds of people with different lives and needs brought together over a trait or traits they share due to the need for solidarity as protection and power--but only in a broad sense. It’s why there is often intracommunity fighting over representation: there isn’t enough, there’s only scraps, and so each person’s personal interpretation can feel threatening to people whose needs are different. You can see examples of this especially when it comes to arguments over character sexuality: a queer female character might be interpreted as bisexual by bisexual people who relate to her and want her to be, while being interpreted as lesbian by lesbians who also relate to her and want her to be like them. Who is correct? Often these different interpretations based on different needs are presented as if one interpretation is theft from the other, when in fact the situation is indicative of the huge dearth of options for queer people. It becomes increasingly more intense when it comes to “canon” representations, because of the long history of having to read against the grain I mentioned above: there’s novelty and, for some people, validation in “canon” certainty. And again, all of this is also true for disabled people and other stigmatised groups. 

Do I think this is a problem? Not exactly. It is what it is. It is the expected effect of the circumstances. Enforced scarcity creates both the need for community organising and solidarity and the oppressive pressure to prioritise one’s self first and leave everyone else in the dust (or else it might happen to you). The system will always pit suppressed people against each other constantly, because it actively benefits from intracommunity fighting. Who needs enemies when you have friends like these, and so on. A solution is absolutely for everyone in community to hold space for these different needs and values, and to uplift and support despite these differences, but it’s not anyone’s fault for feeling threatened or upset when you don’t have much and feel like the thing that you do have is being taken away. It’s a normal, if not really helpful, human response. But until people learn and internalised that the media is multifaceted and able to be many things at once, without any of those things being untrue or impacting your truth of the text, then there will be fighting. 

Do I think my opinion on disability on Warriors is all that important? No, not really. I can relate to some characters in some moment through that translation, but my opinion on, say, Jayfeather is nowhere near as worthy of consideration than that of someone who is blind. I don’t have that experience and it’s not something I can bring meaningful thinking about, really. That’s true for all these characters. If you want to learn about disability, prioritise reading work about disabled rights and activism that is done by disabled people, and literary criticism from disabled people. And as I mentioned above, remember that community isn’t a monolith: it’s a survival tactic, that brings together many different people with disparate experiences of the world. So research widely. 

Finally--do I think there’s only one kind of disabled narrative worth telling? No. For some people, a disabled character achieving a specific, ability-focused dream is a good story. For other people, a story that acknowledges and deals with the realities, and limitations, of disability is a good story. The same person might want both of those stories at different times, depending on their mood. That’s okay. Sometimes there’s power and delight in a fantasy of overcoming seemingly impossible obstacles and defying all expectations. Sometimes there’s value and catharsis in a narrative that delves into the challenges and grief and oppression experienced because of disability. There’s no one truth. 

To round all this off, I’m going to give my favourite example of this, which is Cinderella. I think it’s a great and useful tool, since for many it’s familiar and it’s very simple. Not much happens. In the story, she is bullied and tormented, until a fairy godmother gifts her over several nights with the opportunity to go to a royal ball, where she dances with a prince. The prince eventually is able to find Cinderella, due to a shoe left behind, and they are married. In some versions, the family that mistreated her are killed. In others, they’re forgiven. 

Some people hate the story of Cinderella, because she is seen as passive. She tolerates the bullying and never fights back. She does every chore she’s told. She is given an opportunity by a fairy godmother, and she doesn’t help herself go to the ball. She runs from the prince and he does the work to find her again. Eventually, she’s married and the prince, presumably, keeps her in happiness and comfort for the rest of her life. 

For some, this story is infuriating, because Cinderella doesn’t “save herself”: she is largely saved by external forces. She is seen as a quintessential damsel-in-distress, and especially for people who have been bullied, infantalised, or made to feel less capable or weak, that can be a real point of personal pain and discomfort. 

However, for some others, Cinderella is a figure of strength, because she is able to endure such hostile environments and terrible people and never gives up her gentle nature or her hope. She never becomes cruel, or bitter. She is brave in daring to go outside her tiny, trapped world, and she is brave to let the prince find her. She doesn’t have to fight or struggle to earn her reward of happiness and prove her worth, because she was always deserving of love and kindness. The prince recognises at once, narratively speaking, her goodness and virtue, and stops at nothing to deliver her a better life. 

Depending on the version, the wicked family disfigure themselves for their own greed--or are punished, which for some is a revenge fantasy; or Cinderella forgives them and once again shows her tenacious kindness, which for others is a different revenge fantasy. 

The point? Cinderella is the same character in the same story, but these are almost unrecognisable readings when you put them side-by-side. Which one is right? Which one is better? In my opinion, those are the wrong questions. I hope this (long, sorry) reply is a set of more useful ones. 

[oops-prow-did-it-again]

Update (please read)

This includes a general update about me, update about my sideblogs, tags, and also a small ask at the bottom w/ an art dump, so pls read all even tho it's a little long. I'd really appreciate it <3

so I finally decided to start using my queue system and stop feeling like such a pos all the time. this is part of my attempt at forcing myself to feel a little better on a daily basis. It's not that Im suddenly spending more time on Tumblr; I've ALWAYS been spending tons of time on Tumblr. I've just been in a bit of a funk for a long time where I was convinced I wasn't "good enough" (whatever that means) to interact with hardly anybody or anything.

But lol this is Tumblr..... if people don't like me interacting, they can block me. Ofc I'll try to respect DNIs and all but you get what I mean.

I'm going to try to clean up @undead-prowess and @plates-of-va as well and start posting to them more. I still am working on the next chapter of my Pokemon fanfic, but that has been delayed due to my cars needing a lot of work lately, and me having to help with that.

Also, my tags, explained (I promise this'll be the final time):

#oops prow queued again - queued post. the system posted it automatically. any tags were added when I queued it

#spicy prow - my custom nsfw tag. This just means a post that might be a little incendiary or not something you'd read in front of your grandparents. It doesn't mean that I think the post content is trashy or sexual or anything like that necessarily. It just means that if you're scrolling tumblr at work, you probably don't wanna see this post lol. This tag may also include discourse-y posts.

#nsfw-ish / #nsfwish - same story as the above, but more explicitly about specific language or sexual content. A post might offhandedly just say 'tits' and while that isn't, like, BAD, I just want to give people that are in compromising situations a choice to clean up their dash.

#here prow goes again - discourse tag. block it if you hate arguments. I try to avoid arguments honestly bc they're not worth the time but I'm not averse to posting them on occasion. I may also use a general 'discourse' tag.

#pin for prow pls - personal tag for stuff I really want to try to remember. helps narrow down posts for things I'd like to review later.

A lot of other tags (memes, videos, etc) are pretty self explanatory. I've moved away from my "non pokemon" tag, but if anyone really WANTS me to bring that back, I'm happy to bring it back. Just let me know.

Furthermore, ya boi is broke and currently waiting the 200+ average days for a decision on disability benefits, and even if I get them, they'll probably be garbage. If you can spare some change, it'd be greatly appreciated, even if it was like, a single dollar. I can also do art commissions, sfw or nsfw.

P@yPal || $silfurgames

My commission prices are flexible, but in general, for a single character, it's $10 for a sketch, $20 for a flat color w/ sketch, $30 for flat color w/ clean lines, $40 for shaded color w/ clean lines. For each additional character, add 35% of the price (so two characters for shaded color w/ clean lines would be $40+35%=$54).

I am willing to TRY to draw anything, but without references, I am best at animals (mammals, most reptiles, and many fictional creatures). With references I am willing to try anything.

Here's some samples of my work, not all of which I've posted here before:

[majingojira]

Nico Minoru's Magic Part 2

Continued from Here.

So, Avengers Arena.

Avengers Arena is a story told by a writer who has no idea how the genre works and only a fair grasp of how the characters function at best.

This is easily demonstrated by what is established as Nico's status quo for the next few years in this book.

First off, Nico died. She casts a spell for help, and BOY does she get it.

In addition to once more supposedly 'bosting' her magic. She also gains a generic magical blast-attack without incantation, and the Flying Brick standard superhero package. A low end version. Marvel Universe grid method, she'd be at 5's for Strength, Speed, and Durability. Putting her in the same class as most of the 'bricks' in Marvel like Carol Danvers (uncharged), Teddy Altman, and Sif for Strength. Firebird or a basic Power Armor (Iron Man, Iron Heart) for speed, and Luke Cage, Rage, and Emma Frost for durability.

If that seems wholly generic, let that set the tone for the rest of what Nico has to go through for the next few years.

Fun Fact, the preview pages for this issue were actually released BEFORE the preview pages for #11 because her death caused that much backlash online.

Man, even re-reading it about a decade later still gets my stomach all twisted.

So, why should I suffer alone?

Avengers Arena #12

As you can tell, Dennis "Hopeless" Hallum (he chose the nickname for himself) really wants to try and be like Joss Whedon, but lacks the wit.

Having already established that Nico draws her power from negative emotional experiences -- Pain and Suffering, we have that wiped away for Blood. Gamifying the entire system. Now, we can keep track of her health bar (which they had in this series) and correlate it to her overall power access.

But here's the thing: Why should anyone believe Arcade?

In this series, he doesn't even make this Murdeworld, he commissions someone else to do it for him! And what occurs already fits in with multiple things of what is established (Pain/suffering fueling magic, the "Help" spell she cast with her dying breath). So it's REALLY easy to dismiss Arcade here as talking out of his ass.

I mean, this is comic books, we're used to stupidity ("I'm sealing up the fault lines, this is a good thing!"), but not with its own BS as much as this is.

So, it's easier to dismiss Arcade's claims as warrantless, because, really, why would you believe him? He's not just a liar, he's an idiot.

Especially in Arena, despite assertions to the contrary.

The next tidbit we get on Nico's new Magic Staff and Magic Arm of Super-Powered Disability doesn't come until the sequel series Avengers Undercover.

Because it makes dismissing Arcade as an idiot harder.

Avengers Undercover #7

Yes, Alex came back with this series. No, it was actually worse than Arena because it's hook was underwhelming by comparison.

Anyway, while the reliance on "It's totally blood magic now, you guys!" dumbing down of Nico's power, the idea that she's coating in a magical energy field to explain her Strength/Speed/Durability is a pretty viable one.

But the Arm of Disability Super-Powers earns its name rather... handily.

And I am not sorry for that pun.

The analysis of Nico's combat strategy is ... also deeply lacking, but that's another topic.

Once Dennis Hallum was done (Fun Fact #2: Hallum fought for this issue's topic specifically even though by this point, he knew he had only 4 issues left to finish the series), Nico was put in Limbo... until A-Force.

Where interviewers noted that her inclusion was weird because of her... being nearly Hawkman'd.

No new Magic, but Nico continued to display Super Strength in the Secret Wars volume. Why?

Because she took down an Asgardian. Physically.

Not just that, but a MEMBER OF THE THOR CORPS!

A-Force Vol. 1 #4

Arcadia Nico is ... Broken. Flat out Broken.

Anyway, when A-Force is formed in 616, Nico has a Power Up that is actually intelligent after the dumbing down of Dennis Hallum.

A-Force vol. 2 #2

Here, we have Nico taking down a cosmic being in a word, growing in power with her pain and suffering in-line with the Vaughn and Whedon run, AND the most logical expansion of her powers: Linguistic Advancement.

In the series, she is shown speaking fluent Japanese, and using Estonian as a "Heal" word. With 6,500, she has a lot to go with!

Another clever use of her powers comes from using coordinates to teleport.

A-Force vol. 2 #8

Elsewhere in the series, she gets to show off her powers by ... laying out She-Hulk, Captain Marvel, a Dazzler-Thor, and the rest of her teammates multiple times. Depowering them, knocking them out, etc. She also got to fight hard against mind control and subvert the worst of what her controller could do.

A-Force Nico is Peak Nico in terms of raw power.

But it does have some limits. She can keep multiple spells going at once, but doing so is hard for her. This may be an energy thing, but it may be a focus thing as well.

A-Force vol. 2 #6

She does get to punch out the lady mind-controlling her later on, and in One Punch no less.

But after choking out a Valkyrie-Thor, that's pretty pat.

The next really big change to Nico's powers comes in the current Runaways volume (5) with the reveal of The One, a sorcerer who was turned into the Staff and made a deal to use his magic to the benefit of the original caster.

But this is still developing as a story, the 'rules', basically allowing him to parasitize her senses (and probably take full control of her body, you know how these things go). Is also alters the history of the Staff from an implicit long linage to starting with the Witchbreaker.

Which has once again made her more powerful, but it's a much worse deal.

And...it's still developing. I'm hoping it reveals to be her grimmshape, but only time will tell.

So I won't go into as much detail with this. We'll see where it goes.

[bisexual-books]

Dustin’ off the ole blog (or why I don’t feel bad for Becky Albertali)

Hey guys.  Wow.  Its been like two years since anybody posted here and three since I wrote anything of substance?  In my defense I adopted a teen so life got super duper busy around that time, but now that I’ve (mostly) sorted out the day to day parenting stuff, I’m back.  At least for today.  Because whooo boy do I have A LOT thoughts and feelings about the situation with Becky Albertali.  

So let’s jump right in : I don’t feel bad for Becky Albertali .  Not at all.  I think she is wrong and am not moved by her medium post.  I think Gabby Dunn is on the right track to criticize her and I would like do so as well because I think she is wrong.  

What Albertali (and her twitter fans) seem to willfully ignore in her medium piece is that readers don’t side-eye straight authors without good reason.  We do it because over and over and over again, straight authors do a shit job of writing about queer issues, creating realistic queer characters, and discussing queer issues.  How does an author earn the ability to avoid that side-eye? How do they avoid questions, comments, and concerns about their ability to do those things in their writing?  By being an open and proud member of the queer community ie coming out.  Coming out is important and difficult work in a fundamentally heterosexist society, and hence is rewarded as such by our community.   If you don’t do that work, why exactly should I or any other queer person give you that cachet?  

Fundamentally I see Becky Albertali wanting the socio-emotional bennies of queer author status, without doing the work of coming out.  And I’m just not finding much sympathy for that. She is not owed the benefit of the doubt by readers, particularly queer readers.  She has to earn it.  Yes, it probably was difficult for her to be questioned about her orientation while questioning, but those questions are reasonable and legitimate.  

Queer readers don’t just sit around like a dragon hording legitimacy and saying ‘mwhahaha’ to poor little straight authors.  We do this as a self-protection mechanism with good reason. We’ve experienced characters that are just a grab bag of stereotypes.  We’ve been gutted when straight authors we trusted as allies say horribly offensive things.  We’ve read arguments about queer people that bear no resemblance to our real lives and we’ve literally cried ourselves to sleep over disappointing, nasty, rude, offensive, and heartbreaking books (at least I have).  

If Becky Albertali and her defenders want to make life easier on queer authors, then instead of blaming queer readers for asking those questions, they need to interrogate why those questions need to be asked and how to reduce that need.

Instead I see Albertali in her medium piece blaming queer readers for needing to protect themselves, for needing to side-eye, for needing the explicit power of #ownvoices and support of out authors.  I don’t see her piece putting rightful, blame on straight people and straight culture that created these situations in the first place.  Blaming queer readers for daring to question her is a pernicious type of victim blaming, and I have no time or patience for that.  We erect these walls to protect our own hearts and souls, not because we’re big meanies.  If you don’t want to be on the wrong side of the wall, then help dismantle the need for it.  Don’t blame us for its existence. 

I’ve seen some people on twitter say this is somehow gatekeeping or cutting people off from exploring/discovering their queerness in art.  And I think that argument is off base.  No one was preventing Alberteli from making her art.  She could have written in a notebook or on Smashwords for all the days of her life.  People can make a dozen deviantart accounts or twitter accounts or AO3 accounts or tumblr accounts or discord servers and post their queer art creations all over the internet while they work out their queer feelings.  It is easy and free and no one is stopping anyone else from doing so. 

However I think when you cross the line from creating your queer art to profiting off your queer art, something fundamentally changes.  The stakes go up.  Queer readers need to know so they can decide who to trust with their hard earned cash.  We live in capitalism, man.  If you think that sucks, help dismantle that too. 

Albertali looked back in her piece, so I also want to cast back to early 2015, when Albertali first published Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda.  Bi YA author Corrine Duyvis woudn’t coin the term/hastag #ownvoices until September of that year.  And it was A LOT easier to get a YA book with LGBTQ characters published if you were straight.  How do I know that?  Because it was like pulling teeth to find queer authors writing queer characters outside of small queer presses.  I was hardcore book blogging at that time.  The mainstream publishing industry side-eyed YA/kidlit queer authors, especially those who were less polished due to poverty/educational attainment/systemic racism/disability, to favor straight white authors with post-graduate degrees along with a handful of token queer authors that were already a part of the publishing industry.  This was slowly changing but it hadn’t changed that much.  It was still easier to get a queer YA published as a straight person.

And Albertali knowingly entered into and profited off that system.   

She literally has cash in the bank off the publication of the book Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda, the subsequent film that became Love Simon, the subsequent book reprints and merchandise under the name Love Simon and the subsequent Love Victor show on Hulu.  They sold Love Simon shirts at Hot Topic for $20 for crying out loud.  She was able to obtain that money, prominence, and influence because she presented herself as a straight woman.

There is no comparable story in queer authorland because queer authors are simply not given the opportunity to turn their queer novels into multimedia cash cow franchises.  The closest thing I can think of is Armistand Maupin’s ‘Tales of the City‘ and that took 20 years to be made into a tv miniseries with subsequent books.  That was 27 years ago and to my knowledge, no one sold shirts.  So for most of my/ Albertali’s lifetime, there has been no viable path to create a queer media empire as a queer author.  None. 

Until Albertali did it while pretending to be a straight girl.  

She says that she legitimately did not know she was queer when Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda was published or when Leah on the Offbeat was written.  It does suck that she had to figure that out while living such a public life and I feel bad that it was hard.  But honestly it sucks for everyone to figure that out.  It sucks to figure that out as an isolated teen or a professional adult.  Its just an emotionally grueling process.  Wanna make it better for future people?  Again work to disable heterosexism and heterocentrism in wider society.  Blaming queer people for that heterosexism and heterocentrism, and chiding them for not giving you unearned benefits of the doubt doesn’t do anything to disable those systems.  No one forced you to sign a movie deal or do a ton of interviews, you did that all on your own.  Ignorance of the consequences of your own actions doesn’t exempt you from having to deal with them.  

Only very very recently has the publishing landscape shifted so #ownvoices is a selling point instead of a liability.  Only very very recently (and I would argue very minimally) has the publishing industry valued #ownvoices authors enough to nurture and polish their skills with open submissions and contests for people who don’t have grad degree levels of writing skills.  And Albertali is upset at being excluded from this?  When she literally has the educational privileges of a doctorate and significantly more money than the average queer author has made in my lifetime?  

The closet sucks but no one forced Albertali to stay in it and queer people didn’t create it.  She chose to publish and license her work to reap the benefits, and as such also reaps the consequences.  Apparently one such consequence was that it was personally difficult for her to understand her sexuality and her mental health was poor.  Well.... until we can disassemble heteropatriarchy that is the world we live in.  Get your queer house in order before you go pro and open yourself up to real reactions from queer readers.  But if like Albertali, you don’t do that while choosing more and more publicity and raking in wheelbarrows full of cash, well, don’t expect much sympathy from me.  

- Sarah 

[dazenightmare]

Wheel Spin to take my mind off of the story ideas from My Little Pony songs.

This is the longest one by far, holy shit. It took me hours to write this my god—

Brown.

In this AU, it kinda focuses on multiple people, if that makes sense?? Still unintentionally Tubbo centered though.

Backstory bit:

So, Tubbo goes blind from the first and original death of L’manburg, yet still works as Secretary of State (I believe that was his role). Schlatt is his father and second president, who he also worked under during his term.

Wilbur and Tommy never got thrown out of L’manburg, as Schlatt isn’t evil and knows they probably help his son out a lot with his recently acquired disability as he gets used to it. Because of this, no war breaks out and it’s peaceful for longer, with Wilbur’s sanity staying put.

During Schlatt’s term he lifts the “European only” rule, so all the original L’manburgians plus extras like Quackity, Karl, Techno (surprisingly) and others live there. He also increases taxes, and it’s a joke around the community that he’s a tyrant.

The main story bit:

So the story starts out at the end of Schlatt’s term where they have elections again. The people who arrived at/after the end of season one start arriving, which really does not help people choose which party to go for.

The parties running are Wilbur + Tommy, Schlatt, Quackity, and (mainly as a joke) Ranboo. However, it’s obvious the competition is mainly between Wilbur and Schlatt, since the people know how those people work in power.

As such, people are running around trying to gauge their own opinions on people, especially the newbies. The best source of information in the people’s eyes is obviously Tubbo, who had worked under both, was behind the scenes in all political actions thus far, and had emotional ties to both parties (father and brothers without blood).

Tubbo doesn’t really share his opinions but rather facts, trying to figure out himself which party would be best to go for/endorse, and staying pretty neutral for most of the election period. He tries to stay as far from politics as he can afford while doing so, and starts befriending Ranboo.

By the time the main day of voting comes around, they have one last debate/speeches with the two. Three people are brought in for endorsements, Niki, Quackity, and Tubbo (since he said he finally decided on a side to choose).

When it comes for Tubbo’s time to speak, he’s lead on to the stage by Ranboo (with some people surprised at how close the two seem to be). Tubbo, staring straight ahead, forevermore unseeing to what would happen, says that he’s siding with Wilbur and Tommy for this election.

(His reasoning which he never shares with anyone besides Ranboo, is that he knows the plans for both parties if they won. Wilbur and Tommy wouldn’t put back the Europeans only rule because of the bonds they made, plus it would give them a bad rep. Instead, they planned on negotiating better trade routes and working on expanding the land for the ever increasing population.

Schlatt however, wanted to raise taxes even more, to a point where it would harm all civilians and only benefit people in power. He also wanted to start throwing waste in the ocean, which would lower food sources since they relied on fishing almost as much as their farms and bakeries.)

(He is only the tiniest bit swayed by the fact that Wilbur and Tommy offered both political and normal conversations, where as his father hadn’t even asked about his well-being in months)

Everyone is in shock as Tubbo smiles and is led off the stage, including both parties.

Wilbur and Tommy win the elections a few days later in a landslide.

Nobody expects however, Schlatt starting an uprising (only consisting of himself and Quackity) in which he takes over L’manburg and throws out Wilbur and Tommy, having gone mad. Tubbo, who was openly planning on retiring for a while, is forced to be the Secretary of State/the right hand man.

Schlatt, completely insane, raises taxes and ruins the environment more than originally planned. He locks Tubbo into a section of the white-house where he does endless paperwork in Braille, unable to leave. The only ones allowed into the area are Schlatt, Quackity, and Ranboo (who translates the documents).

Nobody notices that Techno no longer lives in L’manburg, or that Philza disappears for random amounts of time. SBI mainly inhabit Pogtopia, planning on taking L’manburg back (Wilbur still doesn’t go insane, thanks to the large support system and the fact they were in the right this time). They are very quick to realize that they need to identify weak points, but none of them are able to find those weak points.

This is only solved a week in, when Ranboo knocks on Philza’s door, asking if he could come in. He quietly asks if anybody in their family was able to read Braille, and upon getting a yes, gives some papers to Philza before leaving.

When Philza comes back to Pogtopia with the papers, Techno translates it, and they’re all in shock when they realize it’s from Tubbo, who has not even been spoken of since the elections. It was a small update letter before going into everything happening inside the white-house and weaknesses thus far. That shock quickly turns to happiness when they realize they quite literally have a spy on the inside.

And thus begins the increase of information, with Ranboo coming in everyday for tea, discreetly passing papers under the table in case somebody catches on and spies on them, and Philza later going to Pogtopia to deliver the information. A plan starts forming on how to take everything back.

Meanwhile on the flip side of things, Tubbo discovers just how bad the taxing has been when Ranboo tells him he stays out nearly every night in the mines, trying to get enough before it’s due at the end of the week. Immediately, he tries to find a loophole for the only one that properly talks to him anymore. And find a loophole he does.

Upon going through previous documents, the lad discovers that if Ranboo is married, the tax would be lowered dramatically among both people who now had to share it, and can split the expenses between them.

Although Tubbo doesn’t make any money, he figures that Ranboo’s taxes would still be lowered because he knows the old tyrant still has a soft spot for him as a son, and that alone would be enough to lower them to a manageable spot for a son-in-law.

He proposes the idea to Ranboo, who agrees immediately. About a week later they both bring it up with Schlatt that they want to marry, and not even an hour later Tubbo has a ring on his finger and Quackity’s planning a public wedding.

Two weeks later, Tubbo is again seen in public as he is walked down the aisle with a plastic smile. Many people are quietly pissed as they see the pale skin, darker hair, ram ears pinned to head, unseeing eyes dull, and dark bags under eyes. Tubbo silently shudders once Schlatt let’s him go after helping him to the altar, immediately sticking his hands out.

Ranboo takes the hands gently, squeezing in reassurance and softly knocking their horns together. It’s only when Ranboo taps a pattern on Tubbo’s hands, glancing at the ceiling, that the plastic smile becomes a real one as the ceremony starts.

Two people watch through the window on the roof as their brother weds, smiling and silently crying, wishing they could be down there with him. One has to hold the other back and shush him when the other tries to shout at the person kissing their brother’s cheek.

Another month passes dreadfully as Pogtopia starts to make alliances with civilians being worked to death in L’manburg, close to putting their plan in action. Schlatt decides to throw a festival honoring the nation, hidden smiles and intentions as he hires Ranboo and Karl to set it up.

A week later, the festival is going strong, lively as two watch from a nearby building and most let their guard down. Tubbo was not allowed to come to the event.

However, one thing leads to the next, and Ranboo is trapped in a box on stage after being forced to give a speech. Schlatt announces how Ranboo has been a traitor, smuggling information and sending it to the very people they kicked out. He proclaims to the near-silent night that it was unfortunate he would have to lie to his own son about the death of his husband.

Schlatt murmurs to Ranboo in the uproar, that he knows Ranboo was only a messenger. He knows who really has been leaking the information, and that he’d handle the traitor properly once Ranboo was out of the picture. Ranboo joins in the angered yet panicked yells.

Technoblade gets called up onto the stage to do the deed, but this time it goes different. He pulls out his axe instead, and then quickly kills Schlatt and Quackity before pulling Ranboo out of the box and running.

Most watchers pretend to chase after them, and only a handful genuinely do. Why would you bring harm to your side, after all?

When Ranboo and Tommy try to break Tubbo out the next day, they only find an abandoned desk, and Quackity doing the paperwork their friend once did. They do not know where Tubbo has been moved to, or if he’s even alive.

Another half week passes before Tommy is watching Schlatt and Quackity argue. Quackity storms off as Schlatt just goes back inside. When Tommy corners Quackity, Quackity says he’s done working with his once partner, and will help in any way he is able.

Once they’re back in Pogtopia, Quackity tells the five that Schlatt has been a manipulative bastard since near the end of his first term. Informs them that Tubbo is in fact alive, but his well-being has been put on how well Quackity works, and thus cannot reveal too much.

They only give it another ten days before they attack, which the other side quickly admits defeat to. Schlatt dies of a heart attack before he admits defeat, and everyone thinks of it as his way of escaping the consequences of his decisions and deteriorating mental health. Quackity gets Tubbo out of the basement, and Tubbo actually cries because he hadn’t spoken to anyone besides Schlatt for over two weeks, and only three people for longer, and he missed everyone.

The story ends with Wilbur and Tommy fixing everything that had been done in Schlatt’s rule, and getting Quackity as they’re Secretary of State as Tubbo finally retires. It’ll take a bit, but they’ll all be happy and healthy again.

Extra bits/more of an epilogue thing:

Ranboo and Tubbo stay married because it’s gotten to the point where they just don’t want to divorce. They share a house in L’manburg

Snowchester becomes a small town for L’manburg, the original house in it being the house Bee Duo had their honeymoon in, and it stays their vacation spot

The Syndicate is a book club where they all low key complain about things (Techno’s main one being the fact he wants anarchy, but knowing it’ll all go to shit the moment it happens)

Ranboo brings home Michael one day and Bee Duo immediately adopt him. They need some kind of entertainment in their retirement arc, and he’s too cute to throw out

For the longest time, Michael talks through Morse code to Ranboo and Tubbo, and ASL to everyone else

When Ranboo’s out one day, Tubbo full on sobs when Michael says his first word and has to reassure his son that taps in Morse code concerned questions

Ranboo has a habit of going on mining trips for long periods of time thanks to Schlatt, which he tries to stop even though it makes them rich

Despite being retired, Wilbur and Tommy still go to Tubbo for advice on how to improve things. It’s tiring, but hey, it is what it is

[rhmg-au]

I couldn’t resist, okay? The idea came into my head one day and it was like “write me please”, so I did.

The prequel’s next part will be coming soon, so please stay patient with me, I’m no good at being on time-

This is not connected to the ficlets I already made, so you could see this as an alternate timeline if you like.

This AU belongs to @rhmg-au . Please follow them, reblog their art, give them fanart, support them in any way possible, etc.

Charlie and Copper created by FlamingRedAnon.

TW: Blood, gore, death

(Mod Swanno: Read more because of length and content! ^^)

———

Four to one.

It didn’t seem fair, not in terms of battle, but why this fight is happening in the first place.

Four unlucky and unfortunate souls twisted into weapons, machines, their only purpose to destroy the Toppats.

It all began when Right Hand Man was taken away from the clan, just before the launch of the spaceship. His sacrifice made it possible for the rest of the members to escape from a fate they didn’t deserved, at the cost of his freedom and free will. Now, he’s referred to as Green.

A while after the space station was set up completely, Reginald Copperbottom disappeared without reason or warning. Several search parties were sent down to Earth and even around the station, but no signs of him were spotted. No notes or messages were found left by him, only bumping the concern and fear up by a longshot. Toppats were getting killed off at a much faster rate, causing Henry to bring the remaining clan members into the orbital station to prevent more casualties, only allowing them to leave if they have a viable reason to or it’s deemed safe to go back, which it isn’t. After this decision was made, no further deaths were reported. Reginald was only seen again when they raided the Government to get their fellow Toppats back, but he wasn’t the same. He was changed into a cyborg too, against his will, and just like with Right, had his memories wiped clean. New name? Copper.

Charles Calvin was a pilot who worked for their enemy, while he may came from the opposing side, one can clearly see how uncomfortable he was with the General’s choices, and wants to help. Unfortunately, his motives were discovered and he too suffered the same fate as Reginald did. Charlie is what he’s called by now.

Similar to his co-worker, Rupert Price is a high-ranking soldier in the Government, and like the pilot, is uncomfortable with the decisions of the person he takes commands from. But he has another reason why, he’s been trying to convince them to save a friend of his, however they kept denying as he’s just an average citizen who’s not worth saving and it provided no benefit for them if they do. These were more than enough to push him to his breaking point. His life took a turn for the worst when he was caught by the monster behind all of this, and was changed into something he never wanted to become. Before this though, he was tortured mercilessly for defying the expectations of a soldier. Prize replaced his original name.

All of them were standing before her, the only one who could possibly match against them, Sabine Setorion.

She couldn’t believe it.

But another thing that made it even more unbearable was that it was all thanks to her adoptive mother, the one who saved her from dying all those years ago, who treated her like a daughter…Dr. Vinschpinsilstein.

Even after all of the things they did, what she told her about them, she still decided to throw her words and the horrid acts to the wind for revenge.

But this isn’t simple revenge. This was too cruel to call it revenge.

Sure, they held her at gunpoint, made her turn Right into a cyborg, but they had no other choice. How else could they convince her to work on saving his life? Besides, wasn’t saving lives her job? Like how she did for her? No matter how it was demanded?

But…she couldn’t bring herself to hate her.

She’s blinded by her anger, the need for revenge, and has done inexplicably dastardly deeds, but hatred was out of the question.

Even with those conditions active, her care still shone through.

For now though, the only thing she should focus on at the moment was the fight she’s thrusted into.

And it was incredibly one-sided.

No one else could stand against these four walking machines, she’s the only one who could at least manage a short confrontation between herself and them.

But that’s not the only reason why she’s fighting a near hopeless battle.

All of those she ever brought herself to care about would be destroyed if she refused, including her mother.

Galeforce was cruel, there was no doubt about that, but this was insane. Not only was he putting countless Toppats and their lives on the line, and those she calls friends, but even that of his assistant. Just to satisfy his need for vengeance.

Blood spewed from her mouth, her burn had been covered up with the crimson substance that has found its way to the unhealed injury she still possesses to this fateful day. The scar which was sealed off years prior has been reopened in a painful way, the sting lingered with her for the rest of the fight. The stitches had undone, and a new one has been made to criss-cross the wound, effectively creating an X shape on her face.

Pain coursed through the entirety of her being, it was as if she was waking up from a coma but it was a worse version of it, like someone beat you senselessly while you were still unconscious, and you had the misfortune to wake up to experience the assault of agony it brought alongside your awakening.

The metal used to reconstruct her new body has been damaged severely, with five to one, she was barely even breathing. She never harmed anyone, because she knows that all of them are still human, still people who are worth saving, even if some of them are not from her side of the playing field. They were disabled (by her will) for the majority of the battle, only relying on evasion and defense as strategy.

It hurt, physically, mentally and emotionally. Knowing that under these circumstances, there was no real way to win. And to know that those she cared deeply for are forced to watch her eventual demise, and to know that those who have to end her can’t stop themselves.

All she could do was lay there, almost lifelessly, as she heard a command from the General:

“Finish her.”

As they prepared to end her second trial of life, she weakly spoke. “It-It wasn’t your…faults. I-If you c-can hear me, r-remember t-that.” You could hear it if you leaned in close enough, but they were quieter than total silence. They did nothing to help. They couldn’t hear her.

Yet she still tried.

A single, solitary tear escaped from her eye mixing in with her blood, a smile plastered on her face.

This was the end.

Four individual blasts came soon after.

The last thing she heard were screams and scrambling.

And she was gone…permanently.

———

I gotta admit, this was kinda rushed-

But hopefully you enjoyed the end result regardless of shortness and how rushed it seemed.

My poor baby didn’t stand a chance against four cyborgs, there was no realistic way for her to win unless she managed to snap them out of it.

Also I would like to say the reason why she was killed instead of being brainwashed like the rest: Dr. V was now against Galeforce, and unless he figures out how to do cybernetic surgery by himself, or finds another doctor, he can’t have another walking weapon at his disposal, leaving him no choice but to kill off Sabine.

I legit couldn’t think of a name that fitted Rupert’s rehabilitated version of himself, so Prize had to do (and no I did not use his last name as reference for it-)

Maybe I’ll do an alternative route for that possibility, who knows? ;)

Don’t worry, I’m still working on the prequel, procrastination and demotivation are being assholes to me at the moment, but hopefully I can combat them to bring another another work to this AU!

[a-lady-in-shining-armour]

do you. do you like being a terf

I don’t identify as a TERF, and surely you would agree that identity is everything. That label has been bestowed upon me by mostly privileged middle class American teenagers who care a lot more about looking woke than actually doing any good for women or trans people. To me feminism is not an identity or a label but a political position where you advocate for law, policy, and encourage cultural changes that benefit women. For example, it is illegal in my country to ask a female if she is currently or planning to get pregnant during a job interview or to fire a woman for being pregnant or breastfeeding. Despite this it’s still common for women to be subtly forced and pressured to leave their jobs when pregnant or as new mothers. Advocating for the protection of female exclusive traits in law and in practice by feminists benefits all females including trans men and non binary females who may still experience discrimination on the basis of their female sex. However, by its very nature campaigning for such laws would be considered by you to be trans exclusionary because it does not include or benefit trans women who of course cannot get pregnant as they are biologically male. Therefore anyone advocating for female people focusing on issues relating to their biological sex that don’t effect any male would be (and are) considered trans exclusionary and called TERFs. I’m a busy person and I only have time and energy for one cause to give my all to- I choose to advocate for women because we are in the midst of a massive misogynistic backlash to the rights women have gained in recent decades and we are much closer to going back to the good old bad old days than many people think so being accused of being female specific in my activism is not an insult to me. What I like doesn’t really come into it, I have a passionate emotional response to what I perceive as injustice and discrimination against women made all the more powerful by how much misogyny is accepted to the point that women can’t even advocate for themselves without being called evil for excluding males (they’re unable to advocate for themselves I guess). No one ever accuses disability activists of being abled exclusionary radical activists (AERAs) because they understand that they are focused on the specific needs of the disabled. Likewise, I have never claimed that trans people don’t experience discrimination and I have as much sympathy for that as I do all discrimination and injustice but it’s just not reasonable to expect everyone to advocate for every single groups conflicting needs. I can simultaneously believe that the only thing all women have in common is our female sex and therefore don’t personally consider trans women to be women while still acknowledging that they believe themselves to be women and support their protection from discrimination.

Trans issues are an extremely hot and fashionable topic for both online slacktivists such as yourself and real life organisations with both the money and political clout to advocate for whatever legal protection trans people need (in my country it is illegal to discriminate against trans people when hiring for jobs and renting/selling property etc already) so I don’t feel that trans rights activism needs any help from me. But woman’s rights have stalled, women still do the vast majority of house work and childcare and the pay gap hasn’t budged. At least 1 in 4 women in my country are subject to rape and domestic violence, rates of violence aren’t improving and the rate of criminal convictions are abysmal and sentences for male assaults female are an absolute joke. I have seen no evidence that trans women are equally effected by things like a higher child care burden effecting their ability to work, or being more likely to die in car accidents or poisoned by medication because testing is only performed on male subjects. Obviously trans women have their own problems and also experience discrimination, but it’s in a very different way to women and as such they require their own specific research and advocacy. An example of the conflicting discrimination protection needed by women and trans women is make up in the corporate workplace- women who don’t wear make up are seen as poorly groomed and unprofessional and are less likely to receive promotion etc (females are punished for not wearing make up). Trans women however are more likely to be punished for wearing make up as they are displaying gender non conformity I.e coming out as a trans identified male and wearing make up would increase their chances of experiencing discrimination. So if I surveyed 1,000 people who identified as women and asked about their experience with make up in the workplace without differentiating by biological sex then I have no idea whether my survey results were representative of the female experience, the trans identified male experience, or both. If you truly cared about trans rights you would understand that in order to achieve actual goals activism must be specific, with an aim to achieve specific goals on behalf of a specific group which by its nature means excluding others. Trans women make up a tiny fraction of the population and have specific needs of their own, expecting to squeeze them into feminism when we are still trying to get women out of the kitchen in many ways is illogical when trans rights activists are literally everywhere and are able to focus on trans issues more specifically.

Basically asking whether I like being a TERF is absurd- you have decided I’m a TERF not me. What I would really like is to earn the wages I would earn if my profession was male dominated. I would like for female health issues to be actually researched and be well diagnosed. I would like men to quit their jobs when they become a father to stay home and raise their children. I would like for men to spend the next week buying gifts, wrapping them, planning a meal, buying ingredients, and then cooking Christmas lunch while their female family members get drunk and ask them why they’re so stressed about Christmas. I would like men to stop beating and raping their wives and for other men to hold them accountable for their violence in a court of law. I would like to feel safe working in the hospital at night. What I would really really like is for women to be so equal that we don’t even need feminism anymore and I could delete this blog.

[midnightactual]

Critical Analysis & Tactics II (CAT-2): The Central 46 Trial Breakout

How strong is Yoruichi? That’s actually a very involved question. I’ve decided to create a series of articles detailing my thoughts on the matter by looking at military incidents and confrontations involving her. This is the second, and you may consult the others at your leisure:

CAT-1: The Hollowfication Incident

CAT-3: Yoruichi vs. Byakuya

CAT-4A & B: Yoruichi vs. Soifon

CAT-5: Yoruichi & Soifon vs. Aizen

CAT-6: Yoruichi vs. Yammy

CAT-7: Yoruichi, Kisuke, & Isshin vs. Aizen

CAT-8: Yoruichi & Co. vs. Yhwach

CAT-9: Yoruichi vs. Askin

Having established in CAT-1′s sections (05), (06), and (07) that Yoruichi was the primary backup assault force for the Seireitei’s expedition during the Hollowfication Incident, and thus must have had very strong offensive abilities compared to that force as a whole, her role in the Central 46 Trial breakout bears some scrutiny.

01. Let’s start out 110 years ago, 9 years before the Hollowfication Incident and at the time of Kisuke’s promotion, to gather some establishing information before we move onto discussing the aftermath of the Hollowfication Incident. What’s important to understand here is that Kisuke is still very much viewed as Yoruichi’s subordinate. He was promoted at her suggestion:

The narration casts him in a subordinate role to her as well:

Hiyori regarded him not just as an outsider, not just from a den of murderers and thieves, but also even more disparagingly as a clown, as a nobody from 2nd Division:

Shinji calls attention to the fact that he doesn’t know how to conduct himself as a leader yet:

(Also: consider Shinji’s advice here from Yoruichi’s perspective, given Kisuke is her underling, and her statement that there’s, “No need to thank me,” after she rescues him and Tessai. Also note that in this same conversation, Shinji will reveal his suspicions of Aizen.)

Jumping ahead 9 years to the night of the Hollowfication Incident, we see that it’s Yoruichi who gets Kisuke to calm down, reaffirming her role as his de facto superior in front of everyone else (note the use of his given name here):

And this point will be reiterated indirectly by Tessai by their shared connection to her. (Also take special notice here that Tessai is seemingly the first person to see through Kisuke on this night. The second will be Aizen when he declares that, “I see. You’re... the man I expected you to be.” And the third, which was actually the true first, will be discussed later.)

In other words, during this whole sequence, it can be readily understood that Kisuke is not viewed by the other high-ranking personnel as being his own man. He’s still seen as Yoruichi’s underling, because he still largely functions as exactly that. It’s inconceivable that if anything were to come of Kisuke’s behavior and actions, that anyone would believe that such activity originated with him. It is well understood that Yoruichi is “behind” him. This is important for understanding what happens later.

02. Not only is Yoruichi “in charge” of Kisuke, she already largely knew about what was going to happen that night. As I mentioned, it’s established that Shinji was suspicious of Aizen from the very start of his tenure, as he proves to us as readers by revealing that Aizen is listening in on his conversation with Kisuke 110 years ago. He reasserts this during the Hollowfication Incident by telling Aizen, “I knew it. It was you.” But Shinji had already shared his suspicions with Yoruichi, and we know this because she tells us as much after admonishing Kisuke with, “Why didn’t you call for me last night?”

Several points can be made here. First, Yoruichi is still giving Kisuke orders (“Get to work”), and note her no-bullshit expression in doing so. Second, Shinji had revealed his suspicions about the missing people in Rukongai and Aizen’s involvement to Yoruichi. (Earlier, before 9th Division had set off to investigate, we see Shinji and Aizen talking about these with Kisuke. Presumably, Shinji also told Yoruichi this before or after too.) Third, Yoruichi knew about Kisuke’s research into Hollowfication, which is established by her curiosity regarding what he was doing with setting up the SRDI and pulling prisoners from the Maggot’s Nest 9 years earlier, and knew that Kisuke would be drawn into and blamed for these events (“... I knew the worst had happened...”). Fourth, Yoruichi knew that Kisuke possessed and would try and use the Hōgyoku (“... And what your best solution would be”).

Kisuke, notably, is smiling when he says, “So you had it all figured out. You’re very sneaky,” even though most of his face is covered by a speech bubble. This is thus the third time he’s sussed out that night, although in truth it was the first. Maybe he’s chagrined, maybe he’s glad Yoruichi saw it all too. Regardless, Yoruichi knew almost everything. She didn’t know what exactly would happen or who would be caught in the crossfire, but she knew Kisuke would be blamed for it. And it was inevitable that she be suspected as being the one truly behind it.

(As an aside, this scene is also notable for demonstrating Yoruichi’s raw physical strength.)

03. This point is established in some interesting ways. The most notable is that it seems strongly implied that Yoruichi had Kisuke’s Hōgyoku for a time. After a post by @mysteriousshopkeeper​ about Kisuke’s footwear, @sphaeraa​​ noted these panels where Kisuke is passed out, seeming to clutch at something, only to wake and realize there’s nothing in his hand. This is a highly unusual way to sleep:

It suggests he fell asleep holding the Hōgyoku. So where did it go? I would suggest to you that Yoruichi walked in and took it from him. Notably, Tessai seems to have been awake this whole time (somewhere behind Kisuke) so he presumably saw this happen. Possibly a bold claim. But note that the Hōgyoku was never found by anyone searching the SRDI’s premises. (There is also another reason I’ll get into later too.)

Indeed, they only found “traces” of Hollowfication experiments. It’s almost like somebody came in and cleaned up the scene while Kisuke was unconscious. Also, the guy who’s reporting to Central 46 here? He’s Onmitsukidō. Just like the guys who arrested Kisuke and Tessai to begin with:

Just like the guys guarding the Maggot’s Nest:

And just like the guys who report to Yoruichi:

Isn’t it convenient that they only showed up after Kisuke had woken up, the next morning? Almost like Yoruichi delayed the investigation until she could retrieve the Hōgyoku and clean the scene, using her power as the Supreme Commander of the Onmitsukidō.

04. It kind of goes without saying that Yoruichi disabled Central 46′s entire security force without issue or exertion, but that shouldn’t be a surprise at this point:

It is, however, surely notable that the Onmitsukidō guy who was there to testify was suddenly missing by the time Yoruichi showed up to rescue Kisuke and Tessai. Another interesting convenience.

05. I had mentioned there was another reason it seems apparent that the Hōgyoku was not at the SRDI. Consider all this from Aizen’s perspective. Aizen knew that Kisuke had a Hōgyoku. Aizen also had a Hōgyoku. Aizen had been trying to feed souls to his Hōgyoku to no avail, to include part of Rangiku’s soul, because Aizen assailing her was Gin’s motivation to join the Gotei 13 in the first place, and it’d been at least 10 years since then. Aizen was surely already starting to suspect that he would need Kisuke’s Hōgyoku to complete his own. Even if he wasn’t, it stands to reason that having a second one would only be to his benefit.

Aizen can conceal himself from ordinary Shinigami (think back on how he was eavesdropping on Kisuke and Shinji) and create alibis using illusions (consider Shunsui testifying that he saw him while the Hollowifcation Incident was happening). Why didn’t he just walk into the SRDI and take the Hōgyoku?

Because it wasn’t there anymore.

But there’s an even bigger picture to be looked at here. It is only to Aizen’s benefit that Kisuke indeed be depowered and Tessai locked away in Shugo, because then they can’t interfere with his plans. The idea that Aizen could foresee Kisuke’s involvement in exile down the line with, say, Ichigo, is absurd. (Note that Aizen treats Masaki and Isshin as an experiment—there was no advanced plan there. He can’t see the future.) Letting Kisuke escape and run around in the wild was only a loose end.

Even if Yoruichi had the Hōgyoku, she would be politically isolated after the trial of Kisuke and Tessai, because both of them were obviously tied to her. It would’ve looked like she had orchestrated the whole thing and they had acted on her orders. If irregularities regarding the Onmitsukidō’s investigation or the scene at the SRDI came to light, that would only look even worse for her. Admittedly, her status as a Clan Head of one of the Five Great Noble Clans gave her enormous protections (note the comparative slap on the wrist she received in absentia after directly assaulting Central 46′s compound) but everyone would have believed her to be behind it.

This makes it obvious why she acted: she had nothing to lose. She would be seen as the orchestrator of these events either way, so might as well save her friends and salvage what she could of the situation. (And possibly gain her freedom and independence as part of the bargain.) But it does not answer a different question: why did Aizen allow her to do that?

And the answer to that isn’t that he foresaw that having Yoruichi, Kisuke, and Tessai in exile might benefit him decades down the line (because it didn’t at all). It’s that he couldn’t stop her. If he could’ve stepped in and prevented her from making her way into Central 46, by all means he should’ve. He didn’t, either because he simply couldn’t, or he couldn’t do it while maintaining any degree of secrecy. (This strongly suggests she was also never exposed to Kyōka Suigetsu, which is explored further in CAT-7.) She was beyond his ability to counter, which in turn retroactively also adds credence to estimations of her capabilities in CAT-1.

The story of the aftermath of the Hollowfication Incident is essentially the story of Yoruichi outplaying Aizen when both Kisuke and Shinji had failed to do so (albeit admittedly with the latter’s information). In the leadup to it, she was also fully aware as to the shenanigans Kisuke was getting up to at the SRDI.