#while Le Bret is (the only one) there to see it

[pegasusdrawnchariots]

Kind of mental in hindsight that we got an adaptation of Cyrano de Bergerac where for the entire duration of the 2nd half of the "non, merci" tirade ("mais chanter, rêver, rire...") Cyrano takes his nose/mask off while lost, vulnerable, in the reverie of what he claims is his ideal lifestyle*...

...& for the entire duration of the 1st half of the "non, merci" tirade, he sits quiet & bitter, sardonic, starving, focused carefully on peeling a red apple (🫀) that he doesn't even eat but rather throws to his best friend at the end of his speech to catch single-handedly

In case u somehow missed the whole thing abt hiding vulnerability behind "insurmountable" façades in this play, & also the fact that Cyrano spends 5 acts striding about the stage like an open wound, this blocking will pointedly illustrate it for u

Henri Lazarini rlly set out to give the Cyralebret girlies everything & I owe what he did with Benoit Solès & Vladimir Perrin my life ❤️

*which is definitely not an attempt to romanticise loneliness & how you'll be forever alone (TO YOUR WHOLE BEST FRIEND whom ur apparently ignoring) in the face of a certain recent crushing rejection

[theimpossiblescheme]

Ragueneau was sobbing like it was the end of the world. Great, wet, shoulder-heaving sobs that made him sink into a heap right there in the grass, completely unaware of anything beyond his grief. Roxanne almost envied him--not only because somehow, now of all times, she couldn't seem to cry, but also because he couldn't see the Sisters coming to move--

(not the body, he wasn't just the body, he was her dearest friend, a third of her soul, half of the man she'd loved all this time)

--coming to move Cyrano.

She could hardly hear what they were saying to her. Their faces swam vaguely in her vision like shapes in clouds. It wasn't until they had actually picked Cyrano up that Roxanne heard her own voice almost screaming. They couldn't take him, not where she couldn't join him, he had to stay, he couldn't go into some soulless marble crypt, let him stay here underneath the moon he loved so much, let him stay with her, let her pretend...

There was still warmth clinging to his doublet, and she tried to memorize every callous on his palm as she held it to her cheek before it slid out of reach. Sister Marthe was cradling his head to her shoulder, the way his own mother never had, as she carried him into the chapel. He hadn't even been lying long enough to make a dent in the grass.

Only his hat remained. His benighted white plume. Roxanne wanted to pick it up, but her hand refused to move.

Another hand on her shoulder broke her out of her reverie. She'd forgotten Le Bret was there, he'd been so quiet. His face was set in a way that so reminded her of Cyrano it made her chest hurt--jaw clenched, features set in such stiff granite even the smallest hairline crack would send them crumbling. His eyes were cast up toward the sky, toward the moon, as if wondering if Cyrano had made it. Mere minutes ago, he'd been crying, too, more bitterly than Roxanne thought him capable of, but now his tears stubbornly clung to his lashes and refused to fall. More than anything, he looked lost. Like he would give anything to climb up and join him, and now he didn't know how to exist in the world below without him. After a long moment, he lowered his eyes to hers, and she nearly choked at the enormity of that despair, radiating from him like a blast of cold.

Her heart leapt to his, and for a moment she felt them beat in tandem. It hurt more than anything ever had, coming back into her body and feeling it thudding painfully in her chest. She knew this despair intimately--she'd floated through the convent like a ghost for nearly a decade before crashing down to earth as she noticed her hair changing. There was no Roxanne as long as there was no Christian. How could she inhabit a living body while he could not? How could she without Cyrano? Better to let her soul drift, unfeeling and unaware, perhaps someplace where she might feel theirs again... perhaps she would feel nothing when she finally rose to join them...

No... no, Le Bret couldn't. He mustn't. She wouldn't let him. She couldn't bear the weight of another discarded heart in her chest.

She hurled herself against him, flinging her arms around his shoulders and burying her face in the side of his neck, their chests flush against each other. Pleading for him to take his heart back. He was still warm, and he still smelled like woodsmoke, and he was still alive. She couldn't lose three people in one day.

For what felt like hours, Le Bret remained frozen under her touch. Then, all at once, his arms came to wrap around her so tightly it ached. Good--let it ache. Let it serve as a reminder, a tether. Let it keep them here, so Cyrano and Christian's foolish, foolish, downright ridiculous nobility wouldn't be in vain. Roxanne would fly away in her own time, as would Le Bret. Let it wait at least a few days.

She felt his chin coming to rest against the top of her head, and the dam finally broke. Crying was painful, each breath lancing through her like it was trying to pierce a boil on her lungs, but she cried until only a dry husk remained. As the wind picked up and the orchard darkened around them, Roxanne clung to Le Bret's shoulders even tighter as she turned her head to see the sky.

Of course it was a beautiful full moon tonight. Of course it was.

[ninadove]

#I also love the use of the theatre space as setting & as framing device in this play

#the characters are all here in the theatre to see a play! just like you! ^_^

#it makes the segue from the real world to the story world sooo much smoother

#& there is a lot of disorienting chatter going on even as the named characters appear on scene (Ragueneau & Le Bret & Christian)

#bc I'm sure the audience irl is also taking its time to find seats & settle down

#the only real difference & it's kind of charming is the 1640s theatre experience vs the contemporary one

#& by the time Cyrano shows up we are REALLY watching a play. the transition is complete

#Cyrano in the story world is also an audience member but in our world he is a character on the stage

#the DELICIOUS duality of this... & the extent to which Cyrano is aware of his performance

#after he shuts down La Clorise the audience is lamenting that they came to see a play & missed out

#& I suspect part of why the tirade du nez & the ballade du duel are so Big is bc he knows & he's making up for it

#he's giving them the show they missed

#the stage directions even say 'people take notice & stop exiting the theatre. by the end they have taken their seats again'

#I just love love looove the way Cyrano is often performing in his life

#he establishes & behaves around a 4th wall of sorts in his life

#which by extension makes him rlly delicious to watch bc it feels like he's Aware of the actual 4th wall

#he never breaks it & only leans on it occasionally e.g. to make a witty aside

#but he's such a PERFORMER of a man that it fits the character perfectly & doesn't break immersion the way most 4th-wall breaks can

#& THEN THIS LINE AT THE END

#Qu'est-ce que c'est tous ceux-là ?—Vous êtes mille ? / Ah ! je vous reconnais‚ tous mes vieux ennemis !

#WHILE STARING OUT AT A THOUSAND AUDIENCE MEMBERS

#& DELIVERING IT WHILE NOT OF SOUND MIND

#which imo is THE only condition where it makes sense for a character to break the 4th wall

#I just--- AAAAAAAAA

#DADDY I LOVE HIM

@pegasusdrawnchariots preserving your tags for posterity! 💌

Also noteworthy: the comedians are still in costume when they rush out to go see the Porte de Nesles fight! They’ve become the audience but they haven’t fully left their role as characters inside Cyrano’s play yet. The show goes on and we don’t get to see its conclusion: instead, we immediately move on to Act II, where Cyrano recounts his exploits, then to Act III, where he slips under Christian’s mask, then to Act IV, where he tragically doesn’t get to drop said mask, then to Act V, where he’s both playing “le viel ami qui vient pour être drôle” and pretending not to be dying… so Cyrano’s masquerade literally covers the entire duration of the play, from his first appearance to the panache line! 🪶

so what do u think about plays

i like how in a theatre time and space are necessarily metaphorical. i don’t like how plays always have to begin with someone walking onstage and talking. too many directors try to work around this by having someone walk onstage and brood in silence for a moment before talking. this is worse. 

[nonchalantdanger]

Lost Souls Wandering

“I have a theory that all artists are lost souls wandering their way back to Paris” -- Atticus.

Heh, I think I’m clever. Arras is won by the French, and we spend a final night in Arras with our characters. This is where my and @theimpossiblescheme‘s AU canon’s diverge a bit, but PLEASE go read Yesterday, Tomorrow, and Today. 

In which there is revelry, Roxane finds her way, and an unexpected ally appears:

To give credit where credit is due, the Gascony cadets do nothing by halves. They marched to war with grins, accepted death with a proud upward tilt of their chins, and now they celebrate their victory and toast their lost comrades with songs and wine and drunken dancing. De Guiche has already issued the news that they are to return to Paris in the morning, and the Spanish had retreated far enough that no fear of an ambush could worry them.  

Roxane is enthralled by the raucous ongoings of the camp around her; she has been toasted as a goddess of war by nearly all of the men able to stand and walk over to her — and a few more besides — her hand kissed to tingling, and her cheeks near-cramped from smiling. Even so, none of the joy echoing around her can match the comparatively quiet delight that has brightened Cyrano’s adamantine blue eyes to the most saturated of azures. Like chips of lapis-lazuli set within his smile-creased face, Roxane finds herself admiring their gem-like glint from her place seated at his side. Occasionally, he catches her scrutiny, his grin widens, and it takes every willful bone in her body to refrain from leaning over to kiss him again. 

Their fire is set a little away from the epicenter of merriment, a quieter refuge for the senior cadets — Cyrano and Le Bret — herself, and De Guiche. A singed hat marks the space in between she and the Comte, its bright peacock plumage marking it as the late Captain Castel-Jaloux’s; he would have joined their circle had he survived. 

Roxane is surprised at De Guiche’s presence; by her observation, between his decision to remain with the Gascons during the Spanish assault and the valiant fighting he must have done in the battle, the Comte had discarded his haughty arrogance, replacing it with a small, warm smile and the resigned chagrin of a man who has earned — not purchased — genuine respect from those who do not give it lightly. Cyrano’s distaste for De Guiche has similarly bled into a cool detente since the end of the fighting. To Roxane it is fascinating to see the two, previously so at-odds, sitting with only the pleasant crackling of the fire between them. 

Le Bret shifts in his seat, and Roxane hears the crack of his bones across the flames. 

Cyrano chuckles. “You are getting old, my friend.” 

“Hush.” Le Bret punches him none-too-lightly in his uninjured arm. “Your mouth threatens to be as big as your other appendage.” 

Any other man who would make such an implication as Le Bret would have had his guts ribboned on Cyrano’s blade, but the older cadet — and Cyrano’s oldest friend, besides Roxane herself — seems blessed with a rare leeway. Cyrano laughs, takes the blow with remarkable good humor, and helps Le Bret to his feet when the latter announces his goal to obtain more wine before the rest of the company drinks it all. He limps away, favoring his good leg heavily. Cyrano returns to his place just out of Roxane’s reach. 

De Guiche, who had stiffened upon the reference to Cyrano’s nose — no doubt remembering his unfortunate companion Valvert’s encounter with the aforementioned feature — relaxes once more, but only for a moment. Something piques his scrutiny; curiosity shifting in his dark gaze. His eyes sweep around the fire, marking the carefully maintained space between Cyrano and Roxane, and the riotous celebrations happening around them. His brows draw together and his eyes narrow further the longer he looks about. Roxane does not know what he is searching for, until De Guiche’s gaze once more returns to flicker between she and Cyrano and the empty space to her right.

Christian, after escorting her to the physician’s tent and confessing the details of his and Cyrano’s ruse, had not been beside her for even a passing moment. He had been gone, off to find the wounded and identify the dead, when Roxane and Cyrano had reentered the world following the revelation of their feelings for each other. He and Cyrano had exchanged words out of her hearing, and parted amicably, but Cyrano has not seen fit to relay the details of his sentiments yet. Roxanne knows he is safe — she had seen him moving about the camp, stumbling between a few other men nought an hour ago — but to be a man’s wife and not be beside him is strange and anomalous. Too strange. Too anomalous.

De Guiche’s slitted eyes fall on her. His look is careful, not triumphant; he is not a man who has just discovered a way to undo the woman who spurned him, nor does he look at her like she is the rack upon which he will torture Cyrano. Roxane, worryingly, does not know what to expect.

The Comte motions an idle hand to the space of their campfire. “Madame...I would have expected your husband not to leave your side...” He does not phrase it as a question, and his gaze flickers deliberately to de Bergerac. 

Cyrano, while not privy to the progression of De Guiche’s earlier piecing-together, does not miss the expectant and realizing tone of the Comte’s query. He bristles from his casual slouch with such violent quickness Roxane’s immediate, half-conscious instinct is to reach out and seize his hand where it rests on the log between them to prevent him from doing anything irreparably rash in her defense. She knows she all but gives the change between them away by doing so; for all that she was affectionate with him before, there is a weight to her motion, an honesty of the love she feels for him that she is sure sounds in the air like a bell. More damningly, Cyrano stills at her touch; the enormity of his regard, to stifle his ferociousness at her silent behest, is not lost on Roxane either. 

The Comte, ever one for self-preservation, recognizes Cyrano’s murderous intent for what it is. He pales and lifts his hands appeasingly despite his vastly superior tactical position;. “Peace, de Bergerac. I mean neither you nor Roxane any harm.” 

Cyrano sneers like he did at the Theatre de Bourgogne. It is an unpleasant baring of teeth. The detente is shattered, and Roxane fears that he will cut himself on the pieces. “You blithely ordered us to our deaths earlier this eve. Forgive me if I am disinclined to take you at your word.” 

Many a more battle-tried man has cowered in the face of Cyrano’s particularly fearsome growling; to Roxane’s surprise, De Guiche pulls his shoulders back and continues in a mild, unthreatening tone. he could ruin them both with a few words. Half a day ago, he would not have hesitated, but now he speaks reasonably. “As I said before we all nearly perished in this godforsaken mud, I shan’t leave a lady undefended.”

Cyrano bristles further; his scoff of derision is loud and rough. To Roxane, it is clear that he takes umbrage at the insinuation he would not be defense enough for her. The Comte intuits the same; pointedly, he looks to where Roxane still grips Cyrano’s hand. “It is her husband’s place to defend her, not yours, de Bergerac.” 

Cyrano flinches when he hadn’t under the slap of Valvert’s glove. De Guiche’s unsubtle rejoinder strikes true, and Roxane is too slow to anchor Cyrano’s hand in hers before he pales and withdraws it. 

De Guiche observes the interaction with interest, wisely tempered by caution. “Despite you both having duped me, I do still possess the power of sight; you have been exchanging glances I can only describe as love-struck since the end of the battle. Christian has avoided keeping company with either of you, his ostensible wife and his closest friend. What has transpired?”

Cyrano, unexpectedly cowed, is silent and still. Roxane, all at once, is inconsolably furious — she cannot stand seeing her love so off-kilter, cannot stand De Guiche’s presumptuous inquiry, cannot stand that Christian had not thought to maintain the ruse, and that she was such a fool. A breath; she fashions her anger into a mental blade like the one she’d carried during the siege and turns it on De Guiche. 

“You have never been deserving of my secrets, monsieur. You are too bold to ask for them so soon after attempting to ruin my happiness.”

De Guiche concedes with graceful shame. “You are not wrong, I am not too proud to say. As for why I ask...” he hesitates, shifting to include Cyrano in his address, “I am also not too proud to admit my life was in your hands today, de Bergerac, and I find it returned, and myself the debtor.” He gestures aimlessly, “I wish to help the both of you.” 

“You assume we need it.” The guttural notes of Cyrano’s ire have faded, but there is still an edge, and his eyes are a sharp, wary blue. Roxane nearly looks to the heavens at the impetuous nerve of him, so bold as to be brash. God, she loves him, and yet she wants to shake him by his ash-smudged collar. She feels De Guiche’s gaze fall solely on her, and she sighs her acknowledgement that his point has merit. 

“You might.” The Comte mutters softly. “You cannot fight all of Parisian high society, nor stop the insidious talk with the force of your wit. Worse still, you are not the vulnerable one.”

It is Roxane’s turn to take umbrage, and this time she does not intend to give it back. “Do not presume to tell me my own weaknesses, Comte. I am all too aware of my position as a prize to be won, irrevocably tarnished the moment I capitulate. You not so long ago cajoled, begged, nearly forced your infatuation upon me. The Cadets were sent to war because of your sour vindictiveness upon falling short in your pursuit.” She nearly snarls in her fury, but she sighs it away, “Loathe as I am to admit it, you are not nearly the worst carrion gossip who would feed on the corpse of my good reputation.” She waves an airy hand at De Guiche, whose gaze had fallen to his boots at her mention of his campaign to bed her — At the same moment, Cyrano’s gaze had glinted dangerously silver — and De Guiche’s conscience-stricken features rise level with Roxane’s once more. She prompts him, “Pray tell, how you might help, Comte.”

De Guiche hesitates. He seems to take her charge with utter seriousness. Roxane’s regard for his political mind rises, barely; De Guiche, at the very least, knows that if he makes any genuine attempt to tarnish her, Cyrano will kill him, son-in-law to the Cardinal or no. 

For all that he is formidable, Cyrano would be hard-pressed to reach De Guiche before Roxane cut him down herself. 

“I…” De Guiche clears his throat officiously. “How many know that you and Christian wed?”

Roxane laughs lowly, “The entire camp, seeing as I kissed him in front of all of them. Called him husband. Little did I know the man who’d inspired me to cross a war zone was Cyrano.” 

De Guiche winces at the bitter irony in her tone, but Roxane can see that he is intrigued. “Forgive me if I pry: I do not have the fully story. I may be better equipped to manipulate the situation in your favor if I could…know how you came to be…so utterly in love.” He says the last quietly. Roxane is surprised to register hollow longing in the words, a wistfulness she did not expect from such a shrewd man as De Guiche. For all his wooing of her, she’d never expected him to treasure tender emotions past their usefulness in manipulation. She feels a smidge of regret for misjudging yet another person in her life, at least in that small way. 

She looks to Cyrano; it is primarily his tale to tell. His eyes are shocking in their cerulean shade, and there is a vulnerability in them that, if abused, could tear him apart. For all that his body and soul is steeled, his heart, Roxane realizes, has always been fragile. She wishes she had known; she would have protected it better. Maybe then he wouldn’t be looking at her now with such trepidation, such too-shy hopefulness. His resolve solidifies. He tips his head to her, then to the ground. He huffs a fortifying breath, then begins. 

De Guiche listens attentively as Cyrano relays their tale. He begins at the theatre, with the burst of joy at being seen. He glosses over the despair caused by Roxane’s desires, but then moves into the part of the story she does not know herself. Cyrano’s artful words illustrate the grand scheme to woo her, the melding of two men into one, an author of divine prose and sublime turns of phrase with the face of a Grecian hero. De Guiche frowns at Cyrano like he is seeing a different man in the cloak of a de Bergerac, nonplussed at the self-consciousness, the crippling doubt that stayed his words from ever leaving the pages signed by another’s name. Roxane cannot stop tears from falling down her face. She wipes them away before Cyrano can see. 

She tells her part too. It takes less time, but its importance can’t be overlooked, as she describes Christian’s honesty and Cyrano’s admittance. Their ardent revelations to each other. Their lack of foresight, in terms of their reputations. She falters as her words run up to the present; Cyrano’s hilt-calloused hand enfolds both of hers where they rest in her lap. It soothes her to feel the strength in him. 

When she looks up, De Guiche’s eyes have fallen to their joined hands. He looks moved. The way he subtly swipes a knuckle under his eyes speaks to it. 

After a moment, he smiles. It is a surprisingly kind expression on such a saturnine countenance. “You are both…unspeakably lucky to have found each other.” His gaze darkens, “I will not jeopardize that. I swear on my…recently reclaimed honor…” He has the wherewithal to jest lightly at his own expense, and a line of tension across Cyrano’s shoulders relaxes by a fraction. 

“Nothing is yet dire. I have some…influence in certain circles that could smooth this over.”

De Guiche explains a potential plan. It involves quietly annulling the oaths Roxane and Christian made to each other, and explaining to the Cadets the truth, up until the point where they were married, and skipping to the reveal that Christian had asked Cyrano to continue writing the letters. Cyrano takes that upon himself; the Cadets respect the sanctity of the Guard House like few other places, and if he swears them to secrecy there, they will keep it on pain of a solid, inescapable pummeling. 

Roxane swears to speak to Christian; they still have words that need exchanging, if only to resolve any festering hurt and misunderstanding. 

Then De Guiche continues unexpectedly. “When you arrange the wedding…I should like…I would offer to cover any expenses you incur, for the ceremony.” He wrings his hands; Roxane has never seen him squirm before now. “I can also be your official witness, and speak to the sanctity of the vows in society.”

It is a gracious offer. Cyrano’s formidable nose wrinkles with suspicion for the first time in hours. He says what Roxane is thinking, “Such favors usually accrue a cost. What do you want from us?”

“Nothing, truly.” De Guiche sighs when Cyrano’s eyes narrow to chips of sapphire. “I swear it. I meant it, before, when I said I owed you my life, Cyrano. I also owe you an apology, Madame de Robin, for my uncouth behavior before.” He bows shallowly from his seat.

Roxane feels something close to relief wash cool through her chest for the first time in days. She allows herself a small smile. “You are forgiven, Comte, but I expect an extraordinarily extravagant wedding present.”

“Of course.” De Guiche, gratifyingly, is pale with relief too. She wonders at her luck — her near misfortune — of causing a Comte, a cadet, and a veritable hero to be afraid of her. She would like to get used to it. 

She thinks Cyrano’s awe enough as she looks to him again. Gently, as if seeing the force of her regard in her eyes, he takes her hand in both of his and kisses her knuckles. For all that Cyrano de Bergerac is a force of nature, he tempers her. 

De Guiche clears his throat. “I… think I will follow Le Bret’s example.” It is an unsubtle escape to leave them alone. Roxane cares very little. 

Despite how many details they must coordinate and futures they must discuss, neither she nor Cyrano speak. He shifts close enough for her to pillow her head on his shoulder, her arms folded through the crook of his, and they regard the fire and the brightening stars on their last night in Arras. 

Paris, and a life together, awaits them.

[theimpossiblescheme]

What I find really interesting about de Guiche as a character is how he acts as a foil to Cyrano--specifically, their respective relationships with high society.

One of the first things we learn about de Guiche is that he's from Gascony, just like Cyrano. Oh, but the aristocracy doesn't hold it against him. He's not like those Gascons--he might be "ostentatious" compared to proper Parisian nobility, but he's also "cold and calculating" and "certain to succeed." We overhear two Marquises at the theater gossiping about him, and one of them goes over to compliment his ribbons... a decoration Cyrano pointedly refuses to wear. We get the impression that, unlike Cyrano's genuine pride in his Gascon heritage, de Guiche has been forced to suppress it in order to "prove himself worthy" of his high position in life. He's Cardinal Richelieu's nephew by marriage, after all, so he's got a lot of eyes on him at all times, and he certainly acts like it. It seems only appropriate that he's the character who offers to present Cyrano's work to the Cardinal, if only he'll rewrite some lines to make it more "presentable." That's what de Guiche has been doing to himself for years.

And yet, eventually we see de Guiche loosen up, and it happens while he's with the Gascony cadets at Arras. He starts out with nothing but disdain for them and lording his superiority over them, but by the end of Act Four he's offering to fight alongside them. We also learn that de Guiche has been suppressing his old accent for God knows how long, and the cadets gleefully point out that it's coming back after he's consented to eat with them before the battle. Once de Guiche stops hiding who he is and acting like he's better for it, they welcome him with open arms. And fourteen years later, he's still on friendly terms with Roxanne and Le Bret, having stopped trying to manipulate and condescend to them, and he admits feeling some jealousy toward Cyrano's way of living however he chooses without begging any man's pardon. There's an irony there, too--in embracing the parts of himself he's had to hide, de Guiche has reclaimed his personal authenticity, while Cyrano's sacrificed his own by keeping his and Christian's secret.

All this to say, I think de Guiche's character arc regarding his place in society is really underrated. Which is also why adaptations that portray de Guiche as simply a despicable villain really rub me the wrong way--he does start out as a first-class asshole, but he does also grow and change, and it feels cheap to take that away from him just to make Cyrano look better since Cyrano's part of his catalyst to change in the first place.

The Count's Scarf

Strangely enough, one more thing I find fascinating about real original Rostand’s «Cyrano » is de Guiche.

I'm not saying I like de Guiche – he's a dick all right: but he is not the antagonist.

We’ve established previously that Cyrano’s true enemy is The Evils Of The World. De Guiche does nasty things to Roxane and Lignière: but his only direct confrontation with Cyrano is the one about the white scarf. Where de Guiche is not the Evil to Cyrano’s Good; he’s the Ordinary to Cyrano’s Extraordinary. And, by defeatedly admitting Cyrano’s superiority, – de Guiche technically wins

[mikanskey]

Cyrano de Bergerac  - an impressionist review.  (Adapted by Jamie Lloyd and Martin Crimp with James McAvoy in the title role).

Attention spoilers !!! If you are going to see this play, do not read the following column! Do not spoil the surprise. For those who will read the following, thank you for excusing my bad English, it's not my native language.

7:15 p.m. Playhouse theater, a prestigious hall and an old place that smells of 19th century neo-rococo balconies, gilded chandeliers and a dome. We're early. We sit in the play room, 5th rank in the center. Very good places. The curtain is lifted even though the scene is still empty. The decor is a hollow cube of faux concrete. Trowel-painted white, orange plastic chairs, a few standing microphones with their long wires lying on the floor. The impression of landing in an artists' squat hidden in a suburban warehouse.

Just a minute to realize that we are there for real, just a few moments to attend this event and the play begins. The lights come on, raw, white. They are on stage, Him is not visible. A dozen actresses and actors of all ages, colorful looks, punk, sportswear, hoodies, sneakers, overalls and pants lattice. When they speak it's to us, the audience. It is a very original and initially puzzling stage game, rare will be the times when the actors will have a conversation while looking in each other eyes. We will quickly realize that this strange way of turning the dialogues has an amazing power, that of hypnotizing us. The one who speaks speaks to us, whether he is aggressive or declaims the most beautiful declaration of love, it is to us and to us alone that he offers it. The impact is immediate. The tone is immediately urban, immediately provocative. Nothing remains of the text of Edmond Rostand, nothing and everything since it is the live soul which alone lasts, of a stupendous modernity. The verbal jousting begins, we hear bits of beatbox.

Cyrano returns to the scene. He does not have his nose. Surprising as it may seem: no, Cyrano does not have his nose, this long nose, this big nose, this peninsula that was expected, is not. No Cyrano doesn’t have his nose, but he carries nevertheless the weight of it and behind the first pass of words/weapons is the shadow of this nose that we feel honed. The beginning is funny, light, they  make fun of each other, Cyrano is in love, he takes the microphone and conquers the stage. He is boasting, he drops his jacket and stays in a black T-shirt, jeans and Caterpillar with big laces. He faces with mimes and vivid words the ridiculous Vavert. He licks his lips, he anticipates his replicas, he has fun. He comes out victorious, but seems unsure of himself behind his bravado. His friend Le Bret asks him: - Are you in love? - Yes of the beautiful Roxanne, but I'm so ugly, I have no chance to be love by her !

Honestly, seing him so charismatic, we want to tell him that he is wrong. A messy messenger arrives suddenly with good news: Roxanne may have noticed Cyrano, she wants an appointment, she has important things to say to him. Cyrano is transported with joy, he looks like a kid, his smile is huge. Laughing, he take in his arms his friend Le Bret, who tries in vain to calm him down.

Quickly Cyrano anguish, he will see Roxanne, he will tell him ... Tell him what? He stammers and tries to compose a letter while the other actors buzz around him, the shop of Ragueneau is filled with people, the story continues. We are curious, but we don’t see this letter because when one say "letter" it is the microphone which he seizes and he kneels on stage and looks for the words by talking to this microphone whose thread is string on the ground. Roxanne appears shortly after. She has other things to say to him, hope or despair for him ? They are sitting on the steps of the stage, they talk about the ancient times when they were only two children. He is moved by those memories. He puts his hands on hers, he dares to believe in his luck, he looks into her eyes, he smiles shyly when she tells him that the man she loves is a soldier like him. When she admits that this man is handsome, Cyrano freezes. He seems empty suddenly, without emotion. She asks him to protect Christian, to love him as a brother, because it’s of course the gorgeous Christian she has noticed and not the hideous Cyrano. He accepts, disappointed, hurt.

The cadets arrive on stage, the hero of the day is to celebrate. Cyrano is their hero. They scream, sing, take off their t-shirts, seize Cyrano and undress him. Amongst these tall fellows, who are carved like trunks, he is by far the smallest, the least muscular, but he is certainly the loudest. They lift him up, literally take him to the skies. He finds a smile for them, his impertinence returns, Roxanne left. A huge comrade grabs him and he ends practically on his shoulders, in his arms, legs knotted around his chest. Arrives De Guiche, slender man with sharp replies. Everyone  calm down. He offers to Cyrano to finance his poetry at the price of his servility. He refuses. He makes fun of De Guiche, he is boastful. The men sneer. De Guiche goes away, upset. Remain the cadets, all standing, all on the left of the stage, Cyrano wallows on a chair, exhausted, alone on the right. "Why did you refuse such a proposal?" They say. He begins by responding wearily, then with effrontery, then with anger, he gets carried away. He is feeling cornered, as if he had to justify himself in court. What do they all believe? That he will sell his soul, that he will enslave the only thing he is proud of! Without his freedom and impertinence he is nothing but a grotesque monster. This tirade veered violently in rage and a sob stifled the end of his diatribe. He curls up in his chair and it’s with a knotted stomach that we witness helpless this beautiful despair, this extreme fragility. He sobs and it's poignant. Ragueneau approaches him, she hesitates to comfort him, we would like someone to do it so, to hug and protect him. He seems close to breaking.

The scene changes, the play progresses, Christian the young fiery idiot meets Cyrano. Their difference of charisma is so strong that one can only wonder where Roxanne saw in this great braggart a prince charming who ignores himself. The two men make a deal, one will be beauty, the other will be the brain to bewitch the beautiful Roxanne. The moment is light, Cyrano is benevolent, he still seems to believe that this simple deal will be enough for him. Roxanne is a fierce woman, she doesn’t hesitate to swear, and to play fool with the dark De Guiche who loves her. She is not a naive and pure beauty, she is a young woman with a fiery character, her lack of compassion is scary to be honest. It’s difficult to see the good side of this lady who seems so detached from everything and who plays with men like a capricious girl. But here is the famous scene of the balcony. But no balcony on stage! Instead: four chairs. Roxanne, Christian, De Guiche and Cyrano are seated. When the characters interact, they are turned towards us, they talk to each other  but look into our eyes, when they don’t speak  they turn their backs on us. It's a game of non-musical but poetic chairs. Christian starts, ridiculously bad, his talk can’t make rhymes, he can’t say poetic words, doesn’t have inspiration. Roxanne turns away from him moodily. Cyrano, while hiding, begins to whisper replicas to help the poor Christian. It's laborious but it works.

Suddenly Cyrano, caught in the game, speaks aloud and gets up to answer Roxanne. The two men froze, their eyes round like a rabbit under the headlights of a car. Roxanne suspects that something has changed but she doesn’t want to care. Cyrano takes the hand, Christian stands back. Light and funny, the exchange suddenly takes a different tone. Cyrano sits down, at first barely master of his emotions, the dialogue resumes with Roxanne. She pushes him to his entrenchments, haughty, laughing. He amuses her at first, replies with tenderness, flirts and finally, dismissing Christian who tried to speak again, Cyrano lowers his voice. His voice lowers and lowers until it is only a murmur, hot, bewitching. In the theater, no more noise, no more a breath. It’s towards us that Cyrano is turned, it is to us that he speaks, his eyes full of a calm passion, it is a confession, it is avowal, it is of such a sensuality that it's hard not to sigh. "Roxanne, I love you .." he begins. His voice enters through all the pores of our skin. "I want you ... I need you". The words that follow are a wave, a succession of waves, soft, enveloping, erotic. Roxanne barely interrupts him and, like her, we want this intoxicating way of making love without touching each other, only with the touch of this haunting voice, never ending. When the magic is interrupted it’s Christian who gets up and hugs a rapt Roxanne. He shamelessly enjoys the kiss so beautifully won by Cyrano and we are still too intoxicate by Cyrano’s voice to realize that Cyrano has lost this game and sacrifice his heart on the altar of his loyalty. He stands aside, the lovebirds kiss each other.

Come the priest, then De Guiche. Cyrano clowns, he saves time, lovers have to get married. To distract De Guiche, Cyrano recounts with his eyes closed, as in a dream, the adventures of the kingdom of the moon. It is amusing to see that when he has his eyes closed, the effect of hypnosis imposed by this funny staging where we are the forced interlocutors has less impact.

The action is jostling, De Guiche discovers the plot, insolent Roxanne provokes him. Bad idea. Discarded, humiliated in public, De Guiche who his general sends Cyrano and Christian to war. Roxanne remains alone in front of us while the two men leave the scene by walking towards the bottom of it turned black. She asks Cyrano to protect Christian: "I'll try" he says, she asks that Christian write her long letters "I'll do what I can" promises Cyrano who is only a voice that we hear from back stages. Light turn off. Entr’acte. The light comes back on stage there are big black stairs. Men are lying on each of them. They look like recumbent ones. Le Bret discusses with another soldier. Between them comes Cyrano, who has just climbed the back of the stairs. He is wrapped up in a black jacket, he wears his worned black jeans, and we notice that to be the most impetuous and flamboyant person in this room he is none the less the one who is dressed most modestly. The following scene is light in spite of its pitiful subject, the soldiers are hungry and thirsty, Cyrano cabotine, occurs De Guiche who sends by spite all the regiment to the death. The effects of the battle are suggested by a beatboxer punctuating the tirades with dry sounds imitating cannons and grape shot. After a strange chaos where all run in all directions, appear Ragueneau and Roxanne, unconscious of the danger. The reaction of Christian is virulent, he does not want Roxanne on a battlefield, Roxanne does not hesitate to shot harch words to him. She came for him though, for him and especially for his letters. Cyrano informs her that her husband will soon be sent to death. She screams and throws herself on De Guiche. Cyrano has only time to grasp her to the waist to prevent the scandal. In the next scene, strangely disembodied, Roxanne covers Christian, whom she believes is the author of a passionate correspondence, of compliments like an enamored teenager, even reciting to him the text of the letters she has learned by heart. Christian locks himself away from her, he is very close to shed tears when she confesses to him that it is these words of which she is in love and that she could well love him even if he was disfigured. He knows he has lost. He know that Cyrano has won. It’s Cyrano who has wrote the letters.

He finds an excuse for her to go to the back of the stage. He grabbed Cyrano who until that moment had remained very much in the background like a kid who knows he made a big mistake. One can believe for a moment that their exchange will be violent, Christian is desperate, he has every reason to blame Cyrano. He spits at first how much Cyrano has exceeded his role, how much he hated him for that. But Cyrano does not seek confrontation, he looks down, apologizes, he does not want to believe for a moment that Roxanne can love someone other than Christian. He sits the young man, who has become more lost than angry. Cyrano repeats to Christian again and again than he wants only his happiness. Christian searches for his words, he gets confused, he listens, he gets closer, he confesses that he is lost. He is getting closer to Cyrano, very close. Tension escalates. "Is there a version of this life where two men can live as one?" asks Christian. Cyrano is mute, helpless. Christian kisses him. And in the theater we are all paralyzed. It’s incredible. It's an almost shy kiss that Cyrano does not reciprocate. Not immediately. Because this first hesitant kiss is followed by a second more willing, more passionate. A strange and carnal shiver runs through the theater. We hold our breath. For a split second it's a shared kiss and the two men are alone in their world. But Roxanne appears on stage from the top of the stairs and the two lovers push back violently as if they had been electrocuted. The action rushes. Still in shock, we have trouble following the sequence. A battle, the lights go out, only the voices of Roxanne and Cyrano remain. They are on each side of the stage, standing in the shadows. In the center Christian is cut by a white light, the voices are disputed, it’s  the death of Christian. The dead soldiers snatch their mic’. Everything goes black.

Last act. The principle of chairs facing the public is resumed. Only oddity, Christian, mutique and sitting cross-legged, stands on the stage. Weird spectrum that fixes us with his round eyes. Troubling ghost that comes to haunt the survivors. Two secondary characters interact. They say thus Roxanne has become an independent woman who lives alone, Cyrano comes to see her every day, as a friend. Cyrano was attacked this morning, it seems: a knife stab, someone would have seen in the hospital. The two characters disappear and give way to the two main protagonists who come to sit in the center. Christian, frozen in his position as a mute kid, is between them. Roxanne still precious and unconscious mocking shamelessly Cyrano's delay, she teases him suggesting that he spent the night in the arms of a woman. To make her laugh, he tells her in raw terms that yes. He has brought her a book he has just published, and she offers with a certain cruel irony that he can wrote a dedication on it. Cyrano’s eyes look strangely bright, tight in a jacket closed to the collar, he stands a little curled, he seems hurt on the left side. But doesn’t that. He takes with good graces the jokes of the young woman. The subject turns suddenly about Christian's letters. Cyrano asks to read them. She refuses. He asks again. His voice is supplicating. She accepts. No paper is exchanged between them, it is the microphone that passes from hand to hand. But before he had time to read that famous last letter. He tells her everything, in a desperate tone. "Roxanne I am the author of all these letters". She does not believe it.

She almost gets upset. To prove her, he tells her the beginning of the last letter. But she’s straightforward and this reaction is all the more shocking that Cyrano is in tears and has just put his heart at her feet. But she makes her pride speak, she gets up, she’s angry. He's a liar, she says, he played with her, she says. He, mad with pain and probably in agony, begins to beg her to forgive him. She has this terrible and pitifully contemporary phrase "ok so what now?" The mood changes dramatically. The words become softer, the tone turns, they are seated again, their faces are closer, they whisper words drowned in tears and forehead to forehead are ready to kiss. Will there be a happy ending to this play? It is without counting the intervention of De Guiche come to stop Cyrano ! But Cyrano faints, he collapses of his chair and falls in the arms of Roxanne. We discover that he is dying. As in the original text, he has a jump of lucidity, leaps to his feet and begins to tell a funny story about two men in love with the same woman who meet a mocking bartender. Cyrano is dying, he loses his strength and repeats the same sentence as a broken puppet but he remains up. He drops his microphone, we understand that he is dead. When the scene ends and the play with it, we do not really know what this strange conclusion means. Whatever audience is standing, it's a thunder of applause and bravo. What’s a awesome moment of art !

[aaronsteinbeck]

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[longagoitwastuesday]

You actually made Cyrano's line after "Tell this to all the world..." make so much more sense for me. It probably becomes a lot clearer with the right actor delivery, but Cyrano trying to momentarily block out the pain and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known and Le Bret still being there to make him face it head on... it's just so good. Thank you for the clarity!

You mean in the adaptation, with the "let me be alone", or in the original French/actual play with his final "Tais-toi !"? I imagine you mean the "Tais-toi !" line, but I wanted to check xD

I mean, that's what I interpreted in the scene. I may very well be wrong, and I'm sure a director could choose to make it about Cyrano not wanting anyone else to come even close to knowing, but the directions I have in my editions don't say anything about the actor having to pretend to be worried or anxious in that affront, but about him having an absent air for instance. I guess that's what made me take it as Cyrano just not wanting to talk about the issue, too focused on his pain even when De Guiche is present. He doesn't seem to want to talk about anything at all nor deal with people and noise through the entire scene, which may be why the José Ferrer version changed the last line to make it a point that he wants to be alone. Actually this scene's mood is one of the only issues I have with the 1950 film, since with the "interruption" of the scene of De Guiche and Richelieu we lose that continuity in which we see Cyrano go from pained to saddened and moody to angry and taking it on everyone else; the final line of José Ferrer asking to be alone seems to be there in part to regain a bit of that mood that was lost imo.

Anyway, returning to Le Bret, Cyrano and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known, I'll comment that, while happy for his friend's success the previous night, what Le Bret wants to know and insists on is about Roxane! I find that so sweet, as I find sweet that we see how and even almost exactly when Le Bret starts to piece things together (or that's how I interpret with the "Le Bret (stupéfait): Mais qu'as-tu donc ? Cyrano: Tais-toi!"). And yes, once Le Bret explicitly tells him he seems to be in pain, Cyrano acts haughtily and puts an act again ("(tressaillant et se redressant vivement) Devant ce monde ?... / (Sa moustache se hérisse; il poitrine) Moi souffrir ?... Tu vas voir !"). To be honest, to me it read that Cyrano is so immersed in his own thoughts, hazy with pain, grief and self-hatred, that he kind of hadn't noticed or hadn't spared a thought to the multitude and how he might appear to them in that moment, until Le Bret mentions it. The way he reacts I think works very well as an "expansion" of sorts, or an iteration, of what he does in the first act, both in the entire act (with Valvert and then the last scene) but also in summary what he does when he says the line "(fièrement) Parce... /(Changeant de ton, en voyant que le portier est loin) Que je n'ai pas d'argent !..."; that act, that response, is after all what Cyrano lives on. It's also in some ways how the second act ends, with him slapping the musketeer.

So, despite being tempted for a moment by De Guiche's proposal (which I love!), I interpreted that his more "violent prone" behaviour changed in that moment, when he went from sad and moody to more angry (damn, boy, learn how to process grief in some other way), and he has that exaggerated outburst with De Guiche that he didn't have with the other people pestering him before to cover the pain Le Bret was seeing, to prove that he was himself just as always, "devant ce monde". And Le Bret chastises him as he always does, and Cyrano responds in anger again, insulting him, but Le Bret at this point has a pretty fair idea of what's happened and to Cyrano's "devant ce monde" he counters with his "Fais tout haut l'orgueilleux et l'amer, mais, tout bas, /Dis-moi tout simplement qu'elle ne t'aime pas", which gains him another "Tais-toi!" from Cyrano.

And we actually see Le Bret do just that before with his "Mais enfin, à moi, le motif de ta haine / Pour Montfleury, le vrai, dis-le-moi !"!!! I love that Cyrano puts performance after performance and has everyone fooled, but Le Bret always sees through him. He sees through him and asks him privately, careful of his pride, and I love that Cyrano doesn't lie to him. He tells him the truth!!! When he tells him to shut up that last time, that's almost as good as an answer! And perhaps he is giving an answer to him, since we get these directions: "Il remonte au bras de Le Bret. Ils causent bas" (so sweet, so soft) and "Il montre Cyrano qui cause au fond avec Le Bret".

Again, I think the interpretation of Cyrano saying his "Tais-toi!" because he doesn't want anyone else to notice is coherent! As you say, the actor's delivery and the director's choice would be key in what the expressions mean. I had not thought of it that way before, and I thank you for adding that idea to my reading now!

I just realised I got carried away with the reply. I'm very sorry, I simply wanted to justify a bit my interpretation but also admitting that, although it hadn't occurred to me before, the other was coherent as well. I could have just written the last paragraph xD

Thank you for taking the time of sending this message, it was sweet, and for the gifs of the scenes and quotes and sharing your thoughts on them! I've been having a lot of fun with them and they've made me reread and rewatch parts appreciating them even more, when not with altogether new eyes!

[theimpossiblescheme]

Cyrano goes grey faster than anyone Le Bret’s ever met, and it’s blisteringly unfair to watch.  In his experience, cadets are gunned down long before then, before they can even grow more than thin scraggly patches of stubble.�� Dates on gravestones are depressingly close together, and their mothers and fathers have just enough white at the temples to make them look stately.  Le Bret himself is old enough now to be several lads’ fathers several times over, and he feels it every time he hears them laugh in the training yard, unaware of how brutally their laughter will be cut short.  The erstwhile Comte de Guiche (he has a new title now, but Le Bret can’t remember it or bring himself to care) swaps out his black wig for a silver one, but his face and stature don’t match it.  He’s seen one battle and thinks it makes him wise... well, what’s that old saw Cyrano loves so much (and needs to take to heart more), that the truly wise man knows he knows nothing...?

Those evenings in Cyrano’s garret, trying to ignore the cold wind seeping through the thin walls, Le Bret has never been more aware of how young his friend truly is.  Even if he no longer looks it.  It seems such a short time ago that he was throwing his money away on noble bouts of bravado, throwing himself into street brawls, recounting details of his and Roxanne’s childhoods like they had only just happened.  And while Cyrano still has that ring in his voice and gleam in his eyes, they don’t match the rest of him anymore.  They don’t go with the thinness of his frame, the new lines on his face, and the cold bleach of his hair.  Rarely are Roxanne and Christian mentioned, but their unspoken names hang heavy in the air and over Cyrano’s shoulders.  Even when Cyrano laughs, it’s a hollow echo of the sound Le Bret used to listen for over crowds.  The change that can come over a man in just eight years...

Le Bret had never bothered before with such a far-fetched, impractical concept as immortality.  So many of the cadets seemed obsessed with it, so much that it superseded their present lives.  But now, looking at his friend and seeing what his life might have been, he wishes more than anything that he could give it.

[mimosaeyes]

Stuff I’ve been reading in 2017

The third annual reading list! (Here’s 2015 in two parts, and 2016.) School was killing my love of reading but I refused to let it. And so here we are, three years and 280 books later.

I’ve taken the liberty of bolding my favourite reads this year, and including some background about how I came to read what I did. Here we go:

I pseudo-resolved to read slower this year, and savour books that need time to seep in. Longer books tend to fit that profile for me, so I went and read the longest book in my home library.

1. War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy, translated from the Russian by Rosemary Edmonds (reflections here)

Don’t know how I zeroed in on this gem in a Kinokuniya bookstore, but I love it and you should definitely read it. Go. Go now. I was two years slow on the uptake for Pulley’s debut, but when her second novel came out this year, I literally ordered it online in 0.0002 seconds. It’s number 51 on this list.

2. The Watchmaker of Filigree Street by Natasha Pulley

I can’t summarise how I feel about this next one. It just gets to me. After reading it, I went on to watch the film as well as its 20-years-later sequel. I might read some more by Welsh, but gosh the Scottish accent is hard to decipher.

3. Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh

Perfect for bringing along on my first semester studying overseas.

4. Hector and the Search for Happiness by François Lelord

And then the school texts start! As does leisure/procrastination reading: all the Neruda and Sexton poetry, plus Dostoevsky. Only novels, novellas, plays, and anthologies are listed here; this semester I studied many isolated short stories and poems. Books I read twice are the ones I happened to write essays on – it doesn’t necessarily mean I liked them a lot. (In fact, if I really like a book, sometimes I deliberately avoid writing about it, because analysing something too much can ruin it.) I read all the poetry aloud, because poetry, but I worry also in part because the silence in my room was getting oppressively lonely.

5. Joe Cinque’s Consolation by Helen Garner 6. Bereft by Chris Womersley (twice, actually) 7. Melanctha by Gertrude Stein 8. Breath by Tim Winton (twice, actually) 9. As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner 10. Pablo Neruda: Selected Poems edited by Nathaniel Tarn, translated from the Spanish by Anthony Kerrigan, W. S. Merwin, Alastair Reid, and Nathaniel Tarn 11. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson 12. Carpentaria by Alexis Wright (out loud just because) 13. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky, translated from the Russian by Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky 14. To Bedlam and Part Way Back by Anne Sexton 15. All My Pretty Ones by Anne Sexton 16. Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates (twice, actually; pseudo-thrice) 17. Live Or Die by Anne Sexton 18. Love Poems by Anne Sexton 19. The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde 20. Transformations by Anne Sexton 21. The Book of Folly by Anne Sexton 22. Sorry by Gail Jones 23. The Death Notebooks by Anne Sexton 24. The Secret History by Donna Tartt (her second novel is number 79) 25. The Awful Rowing Toward God by Anne Sexton 26. Burial Rites by Hannah Kent 27. 45 Mercy Street by Anne Sexton 28. Words for Dr. Y. by Anne Sexton

In the break between semesters, I marathoned several TV shows (oops) and revisited a book series from my childhood. (Which, incidentally, ends in a greatly upsetting way?) That series is bookended by two novels which are companions to each other.

29. The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry by Rachel Joyce 30. Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer 31. Artemis Fowl and the Arctic Incident by Eoin Colfer 32. Artemis Fowl and the Eternity Code by Eoin Colfer 33. Artemis Fowl and the Opal Deception by Eoin Colfer 34. Artemis Fowl and the Lost Colony by Eoin Colfer 35. Artemis Fowl and the Time Paradox by Eoin Colfer 36. Artemis Fowl and the Atlantis Complex by Eoin Colfer 37. Artemis Fowl and the Last Guardian by Eoin Colfer 38. The Love Song of Miss Queenie Hennessy by Rachel Joyce

Back to school! Again, quite a few short stories and poems not reflected here. 42, 48, 49, 51, and 57 for leisure; the rest were for my courses.

39. Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë (twice, actually; making it thrice in two years, dammit) 40. The Hunter by Julia Leigh (twice, actually) 41. Bright Lights, Big City by Jay McInerney 42. Tropic of Capricorn by Henry Miller 43. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens 44. My Brilliant Career by Miles Franklin 45. Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis (twice, actually) 46. Slaves of New York by Tama Janowitz 47. Lady Audley’s Secret by Mary Elizabeth Braddon 48. My Career Goes Bung by Miles Franklin 49. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz 50. Bad Behaviour by Mary Gaitskill 51. The Bedlam Stacks by Natasha Pulley 52. The Mysteries of Pittsburgh by Michael Chabon 53. The Man Who Loved Children by Christina Stead 54. Simulations by Jean Baudrillard, translated from the French by Paul Foss, Paul Patton and Philip Beitchman 55. Frisk by Dennis Cooper 56. Carmilla by Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu (twice, actually) 57.《边城》沈从文 著 58. Motion Sickness by Lynne Tillman 59. Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk (twice, actually) 60. Affinity by Sarah Waters 61. The Lost Stradivarius by John Meade Falkner 62. The Twyborn Affair by Patrick White (twice, actually)

The school year concluded, while still in Australia I read books I’d been given or chose on whims. I bought number 65 in Cairns Airport because I had nothing to read for the rest of a five-day trip; I’d started and finished number 63 during my domestic flight on day one. Clearly I’d underestimated how much I still wanted to read, having overloaded during the semester.

63. Mãn by Kim Thúy, translated from the French by Sheila Fischman 64. The Arrival by Shaun Tan (no words, only illustrations; please, please experience it for yourself) 65. And the Ass Saw the Angel by Nick Cave (it’s a Bible reference; think Southern Gothic)

Back home once more, I had access to my personal library, as well our national libraries! Although I’d embarked on a big crochet project as a Christmas present for some close family friends, I went pretty hard in the rest of my free time, which was abundant, because unemployment.

Some of these books just caught my eye on the shelf. Some have been on my To Read list for ages, because of friends’ recommendations (76 and 77, for instance) or because I figured I needed to see what the hype was all about (81 through 83, and 85 through 87). On the subject of YA fiction: no offence if you’re a fan of the genre, or indeed of these two series in particular, but to me it tends to feel like the literary equivalent of empty calories — easy reading that makes for a change of pace from books like 79, or 76. I read each trilogy in a day. Also, yes I realise I’m very late to the party; I haven’t watched the movies, either. Heh.

66. The Great and Calamitous Tale of Johan Thoms by Ian Thornton 67. The Borrowers by Mary Norton (on which Studio Ghibli’s The Borrower Arrietty is based) 68. Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie (before I went to watch the movie) 69. A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian by Marina Lewycka 70. Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones (on which Studio Ghibli’s film of the same name is based) 71. Calligraphy Lesson: The Collected Stories by Mikhail Shishkin, translated from the Russian by Marian Schwartz, Leo Shtutin, Sylvia Maizell, and Mariya Bashkatova 72. The Sage of Waterloo by Leona Francombe 73. The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman 74. The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom 75. The Book of Unknown Americans by Cristina Henríquez 76. White Teeth by Zadie Smith 77. Uprooted by Naomi Novik 78. How To Be Both by Ali Smith 79. The Little Friend by Donna Tartt (her first novel is number 24; I’ll read her third in the new year, as it demands slow enjoyment) 80. The Danish Girl by David Ebershoff 81. The Maze Runner by James Dashner 82. The Scorch Trials by James Dashner 83. The Death Cure by James Dasher 84. Jip by Katherine Paterson 85. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins 86. Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins 87. Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins 88. Call Me By Your Name by André Aciman

And that’s it: another year in books! Do note that thanks to my new theme, I now put updates in the sidebar about what I’m currently reading and watching, respectively. So if you’re ever curious, mosey on over, I guess.

In the new year, I’ll be creating a Goodreads account specially to complement my (admittedly infrequent) postings here. I haven’t gotten an account there previously because the star rating system seemed so reductive, but I have since realised that if professional movie critics can do it, I ought to stop being so high and mighty. Besides, I’m curious about the Goodreads community, and might want to try my hand at writing a couple of reviews, if I find the time and energy.

See you in 2018, everyone!

(Update: here is my Goodreads profile!)

[photolover82]

The Masked Singer Season 3 Episode 10: It’s Super 9 Time! (April Fools Episode Commentary and Guesses)

Hi my fellow Masked Singer peeps! It’s finally Super 9 time! Nick Cannon has been talking about this for forever and everyone wants to be here... so here we are! Half of the contestants are gone and now we have 9 left (well after this post it’s 8, but you get the picture). So, since I have so many to cover (9 is way harder than 5 or 6 when it comes to detail), I am going to follow a tighter format with me only mentioning the Super Clue and April Fool’s clue after the performance. I will also mention judges’ guesses just bc most of my guesses haven’t changed (except 1, you’ll see). Ok, so let’s get started... 

Disclaimer: There will be a ton of spoilers so don’t read if you haven’t caught up on the show. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.

So, how the Super 9 works was that each group (A,B, and C) performs and of the 3 contestants, the ones who were in the bottom 3 were: White Tiger for Group A, Banana for Group B, and Rhino for Group C. 

Of those bottom 3, the one with the least votes who went home/got unmasked was: 

*DRUMROLL PLEASE* 

White Tiger 

Ya, so is anyone really surprised at this point? His performance was um, ya, um... let’s just say my thought after watching was wtf man. I was a bit uncomfortable and hoping for it to end. He sang “I’m too Sexy” by Right Said Fred and let’s just say it was the strangest (and not in a good way) performance I have ever seen. Having said that, I have known for weeks who he is.... 

So White Tiger was revealed to be... 

ROB GRONKOWSKI (AKA GRONK) 

Super Clue: He was doing the floss dance and shooting a basketball while saying “Swish Swish.” Gronk appeared in Katy Perry’s Swish Swish music video, which also featured the Backpack Kid who popularized the floss dance. April Fools Clue: “I’m just not bronze, I’m brains. I even wrote a best selling book.” Gronk wrote a book called “It’s Good to be Gronk.” 

Judges’ Guesses: 

Jenny and Robin: Rob Gronkowski (they were right yay, thank God, finally the judges got it... well at least some of them) 

Ken: J.J. Watt (sigh... Ken is always wrong... not shocked) 

Nichole: Joe Maginello/John Cena (both wrong... sigh... Nichole is turning into Ken with the terrible guesses) 

Alrighty, now that we are done with that, let’s talk about the remaining 8 contestants in the order they performed:

1. Turtle 

Performance: Omg you guys know how in love I am with the Turtle and I was so happy and excited to see him perform once more, I really want him to win. In this performance, he sang Higher Love by Steve Winwood. I honestly loved it, it was amazing! He looked so cool and effortless maneuvering the stage. Also, it showed a lot of his vocal potential and I want to see more of what he can do with his falsetto and hitting the high notes, because he just gets better and better. Can’t you tell I just love him? 

Anyways, having said that, my guess still stands as: 

JESSE MCCARTNEY 

Super Clue: Shown was a comic book titled “The Amazing Adventures of Shellboy” and it was priced at $10.13. He voices Robin in the animated series based on the comic book “Young Justice,” and it aired from 2010-2013, but it got renewed again in 2019. 

April Fools Clue: “I am not just known for one thing.” This one is too easy, he is not just a musician but is also an actor in various roles in both film and TV. 

Judges’ Guesses: 

Robin: Drew Lachey (ya, wtf, no) 

Ken: Brian Littrell (again, no... too simple to go the boy band route) 

Nichole: Nick Lachey (ok, Nichole, that was just lazy, going off of Robin and picking the sibling, again I say wtf no) 

Jenny: Chris Evans (woah, that one was way off of left field Jenny, almost a Ken guess) 

2. Kangaroo 

Performance: Ok, she isn’t my favorite ngl, but I can’t deny she is really good in terms of voice. However, this performance was not her best. Her voice was pretty shaky. The song, which was Not Ready to Make Nice by the Dixie Chicks, didn’t really show her entire vocal range I feel, but honestly if it is who I think it is, that’s a low key shady song choice, but I get the shade so I'm not mad. 

The person that I am referring to as my guess is: 

JORDYN WOODS 

Super Clue: Inflatable Kangaroo came out of her pouch and she said “alright dolls” = the inflatable kangaroo could be a reference to her younger sister who she refers to as her “mini-me” and the dolls reference is when she played a doll in Justin Roberts’s music video 

April Fools Clue: “I may be a kangaroo but I have never lived in Australia.” yup, self explanatory, the girl ain’t from Australia, and has never lived there. 

Judges’ Guesses:

Jenny: Amber Rose (holy crap, that was painfully close, especially with the Kardashian drama and connection she mentioned as her reasoning for her guess) 

Nichole: Leann Rimes (yikes, another really bad guess) 

Robin: India Arie (idk who she is, but seems like an ok guess)

3. Kitty 

Performance: Ok, ok, this is the one that I changed my mind about and it was such a hard pill to swallow to suck it up and say I am wrong and the Internet is right about this one. Every time I put my old guess on YT, (Lucy Hale) I always get “NO, IT’S *insert person I am about to mention in a moment*” and a bunch of people trying to convince me and I finally caved and agreed but that was because of one specific clue in particular, but we will get into that later. Her performance of Celine Dion’s “It's all coming back to me now” was so powerful and strong as are every Celine Dion song ever but to me it was her best performance to date and now I am clear on this new guess...

The new guess I have for Kitty that the Internet has nagged me about is: 

JACKIE EVANCHO (she’s from AGT, she sang opera as a like 7-year-old, well that’s how I remember her) 

Super Clue: The Tree from Season 2 and her saying “Christmas is the most wonderful time of year” = she has 3 Christmas albums 

April Fools Clue: “I wasn’t dreaming when Robert Redford helped me get my first role.” = he got her the role in The Company You Keep when she was 12 years old. 

Judges’ Guesses:

Robin: Emma Roberts (no... that doesn’t sound like Emma’s voice) 

Jenny: Vanessa Hudgens (Vanessa can’t sing like that either) 

Nichole: Nichole Richie (Really? Ya, I don’t think so.) 

Ken: Avril Lavigne (You’re kidding, right?) 

4. Banana 

Performance: Ok, so this performance was much different from his previous ones. I feel like he is starting to show more of his true self and not hiding his voice as much. With the song “Sweet Home Alabama” by Lynyrd Skynyrd, he showed more rasp in his voice than he did before which kind of made it more obvious to who it could be. 

That ever so obvious guess for Banana is... 

BRET MICHAELS 

Super Clue: A mullet was shown and Bret Michaels isn’t a stranger to the mullet, it’s a signature to his image 

April Fools Clue: “Blue collar means many things. I’m a funny guy, but not stand-up funny.” Ya, easy again, Bret Michaels is the lead singer of Poison and he does have a sense of humor, but he isn’t a comedian nor has he done stand-up at all. 

Judges’ Guesses:

Ken & Nichole: Brad Paisley (not their worst guess, but it’s too country of a singer... Banana fuses the country with a bit of rock) 

Jenny: Bret Michaels (she’s getting it... yay Jenny is catching on) 

Robin: Billy Ray Cyrus (see, this would have been a good guess, if he hadn’t have sung a Billy Ray Cyrus song in a previous round) 

5. Frog 

Performance: He sang “Jump” by Kris Kross and again he isn’t my favorite but he is pretty entertaining. For some reason, he is my mom and my friend’s favorite, which I don’t get. Whatever, anyways, this performance was fun and energetic and he is a great rapper/dancer what can I say? I feel the same way about him as I did about Kangaroo. Anyways, he is to easy to figure out...

My guess for Frog is still... 

BOW WOW (aka Chad Moss) 

Super Clue: Knight Armor= he was in a movie where he was a basketball player for the LA Knights 

April Fools Clue: “I am actually not a trained dancer at all.” = ya, duh, he’s never been known for being one either.

Judges’ Guesses:

Ken: Sisqo (what? just because of one irrelevant clue, you choose that Ken... le sigh) 

Jenny: Lil Romeo (meh... I guess that’s kinda close but no) 

Robin: Omarion (again, like Jenny’s guess... kinda close but not there yet) 

6. Night Angel 

Performance: With her performance of Rise Up by Andrea Day (which is A+ song choice), she proves that she is one of the strongest vocally in the competition. However, that's it, she doesn't dance or entertain as much as some of the other contestants do. Nevertheless, she has an insane vocal range and I still am sticking with my gut on this one... 

I am convinced Night Angel is.... 

Kandi Burruss 

Super Clue: Tricycle= reference to either her 3 kids or her high school, Tri-Cities High School (or both who knows?) 

April Fools Clue: “I am not just a voice, I am a mogul.” yup, self-explanatory, this lady does it all. She has a restaurant, a makeup line, a line of adult toys (let’s say that to keep it clean and PG) and has done multiple spin-offs of RHOA following her life, so mogul indeed.

Judges’ Guesses:

Ken: Tiesha Campbell (not the worst guess from Ken but still it’s a no from me) 

Jenny: Brandi (idk man.... idk who that is) 

Robin: Tamar Braxton (omg so close yet so far)

7. Rhino

Performance: Ok, so he was trying to be upbeat with What a Man Gotta Do by Jonas Brothers and I appreciate the effort, it wasn’t bad by any means. He does have a fantastic voice, but this was not his strongest performance. He did do a little dance move there and it was kind of everything ngl, but his strength is ballads. They just fit his tone so much better, but having said that, he took me a while to figure out but I feel good about my guess...

I feel like the Rhino is... 

BARRY ZITO 

Super Clue: A Slot Machine= he was born in Las Vegas (and he also got a baseball move called the three-quarter slot or something like that but I don't know sports so I am not good at these kind of things)

April Fools Clue: “I am not nearly as tall as you think I am.” The Rhino mask is as tall as White Tiger (Gronk is 6 feet 6 inches for comparison) but the mask adds more height to Barry Zito, who is only 6′ 2″ 

Judges’ Guesses:

Nichole: Vince Gill (meh... that’s a pretty ok guess but ya not there yet) 

Jenny: Derek Jeter (what?! I get baseball referencing but he can’t sing, he has no albums, come on Jenny do better) 

Robin: Duff McKavin from Guns N’ Roses (pretty ok of a guess too, but think less rock, more country... this would have been a more suitable guess for Banana) 

8. Astronaut

Performance: Last but not least, another favorite of mine, we are starting off with a favorite and ending with another one. He freaking Rick rolled everyone (Google it if you don’t get the whole Rick Roll thing.. too long of a post to explain) with “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Ashely, but it was the best Rick Roll ever like I can listen to his voice sing anything (objectively it’s a pretty darn good song if you remove the meme aspect to it). Damn, bro, like his falsetto in the song was amazing. Like I said for Turtle, I wanna see more of his range. Also, like he freaking spoke in his performance unfiltered voice and everything and it was so obvious who it is like how are the judges not getting this? 

The lovely guy I think the Astronaut is (yes I have a soft spot for the Astronaut, don’t make fun of me)...

Hunter Hayes (and mind you, I also have a soft spot for him too) 

Super Clue: Holding a record with a world on it breaking (breaking a world record)= we already spoke about this earlier but refresher this guy right here Mr. Hunter Hayes, ya him, broke the Guinness World Record for playing the most shows in most cities in 24 hours, with 10 being the number of cities he played

April Fools Clue: “I’ve never had traditional voice training” = easy, Hunter has said this in many interviews in the past and recently had issues with his voice so he got a vocal coach to fix it 

Judges’ Guesses:

Ken: JC Chasez from NSYNC (really Ken? Boy Bands again? Are you really that basic and that clueless?) 

Jenny: David Archuleta (not bad of a guess, pretty ok, but the voices don’t really match up) 

Nichole: Ryan Tedder (again, not bad, but it is too obvious that it is like mind blowing they aren’t getting it) 

Ok, so ya wow that was a lot! I did it tho! This was my recap, sorry for the length, but I hope you enjoyed. See you in the next one! So excited to see what they will be doing next! 

[usatrendingsports]

Aware of perceived shortcomings, Derek Dooley out to stiff-arm doubters in new role

COLUMBIA, Mo. — Derek Dooley plopped a 500-page ring-bound playbook on his desk for emphasis.

“You want to see the dumbest thing I can do?” Missouri’s new offensive coordinator asked. “It’s to say, ‘Here’s what we’re running, boys.’ “

The playbook contains the Dallas Cowboys’ offensive install from one of the five years Dooley coached receivers in Big D (2013-17).

“I showed Drew [Lock],” Dooley said of the elite quarterback he has inherited at Mizzou. “He’s looking like, ‘Holy shit!”

Lock is coming off a record-setting season in which he threw the most touchdown passes (44) in SEC history. After deciding to bypass next month’s draft, the soon-to-be senior is locked in as one of the top quarterback prospects in 2019.

He is also a piece of the fulcrum on which the careers of Dooley and coach Barry Odom may tilt.

Missouri’s confident, gregarious, outgoing offensive coordinator/quarterbacks coach is comfortable in his own skin. Still, he gets why folks are questioning his credentials for this job.

In his 21-year career, Dooley has never called an offensive play or coached quarterbacks.

Yet he was hired to do both by the Tigers following the departure of Josh Heupel to UCF.

“Sure, it should matter,” Dooley said of questions about his experience. “It’s fair. … You know you’re going to make first-time mistakes, but you hope it’s overcome by all this other experience that some coordinators don’t have.”

That experience has included climbing the coaching ladder with Nick Saban at both LSU and the Miami Dolphins (2000-06). It includes a starter head coaching job at Louisiana Tech (2007-09) before the harsh reality of Tennessee (2010-12).

“I can give you 800 excuses, but at the end of the day, I had three years and I didn’t get it done,” said Dooley, who was dismissed after a three-year record of 15-21 with the Vols.

“Prior to 2012, my whole career had been like this [gesturing upward]. Everything worked,” he added. “Like any young person, you think you got it. That’s what life does to you. It cuts your balls off.”

There is something about a fired coach in the SEC these days. They become celebrity lightning rods. Sometimes they are mocked. It’s not just a firing; it’s a branding.

For various failings, these former SEC head coaches are off the field at the moment: Hugh Freeze, Butch Jones, Bret Bielema and Les Miles.

“The narrative of my tenure every time is [it’s] the disaster of all-time,” Dooley said. “I get all that. What they don’t see is we lost four SEC games on the last drive that last year. We were an abomination on defense. It wasn’t like we were getting run out of the stadium.”

Then Dooley caught himself. He’s going down a well-traveled road of excuses. He promised himself he wasn’t going to do that when he got fired.

“I called some former head guys who had been in that situation,” he said. “I was struggling. You hear them just venting, so angry, blaming. You know how coaches are, ‘It ain’t my fault.'”

Dooley and Cowboys tight end Jason Witten — a former Tennessee star — had a running joke whenever they heard the blame game.

“Hey, nobody really gives a shit,” Dooley said.

It took Odom four days in early January to hire Dooley, who either left on his own or was fired from the Cowboys after those five seasons. It doesn’t really matter now.

“It wasn’t like he threw a dart,” Dooley said. “The one thing that has come to light … everywhere you go, how you treat people, how you work, comes back.”

The pair share the same representative in super-agent Jimmy Sexton. Odom says he heard good things about Dooley from former Mizzou assistant Matt Eberflus, who worked with him in Dallas.

“The amount of decisions he had to make as a head coach, he’s going to be OK if he has to make a [short yardage] call,” Odom said of Dooley. “He worked for Nick Saban for seven years.

“If you’re not pretty good, you’re not going to last in that system. He was also the [athletic director] and coach at Louisiana Tech at the same time. That’s damn near impossible.”

Odom has been quoted that both he and Dooley each have something to prove.

“I think it’s pretty obvious what he wants to prove,” Dooley said.  “This is his first job.”

Odom, 41, goes into his third season as a head coach with an 11-14 mark. A top defensive coach, Odom is on his second defensive coordinator (Ryan Walters) while still calling defensive plays himself.

Dooley’s outlook: “I needed to get re-stimulated X and O-wise. … With Nick, I was like his right-hand guy. I used to be part of the decision making. You’re impacting. You’re not like just sewing a button.”

The second half of this story involves a significant quarterback to coach up. Missouri won its last six regular-season games with Lock and Heupel taking off together.

In those six games, Lock threw for almost 2,000 yards and 26 touchdown passes with only five interceptions. That was in a pure zone-read spread. It could be that Lock’s numbers decline with Dooley’s offensive tweaks even as the quarterback gets better.

Dooley plans to install what he calls four offenses in one: some pro-style from the Cowboys, some Tennessee stuff, some zone-read stuff, and stuff Dooley says he has always wanted to do.

The point? Lock is getting his wish. Odom says his quarterback waited until Dooley’s hiring to commit to another season. Lock reportedly made it be known he wanted to learn some NFL concepts to prepare him for the 2019 draft.

“The trick is, it’s not this hodge-podge of shit,” Dooley said.

Lock was honored recently as one of 35 players invited to the NCAA Elite Student-Athlete Symposium. In the second year of existence for football, it teaches life skills, agent selection and financial awareness.

“I’m trying to give him every tool imaginable,” Odom said.

Something to prove? There is a lot of that at Missouri. Dooley has already thought ahead to how this latest job move might play out.

“Nobody is going to change their opinion on whether this was a dumb hire or a good hire,” Dooley said. “If we go out there and stink next year, we stink. It’s a dumb hire.

“If I go out there and do a good job for the program, then half of them will say, ‘It’s a good hire.’ The other half will say, ‘He’s just lucky as shit and had a good quarterback.'”

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from Usa Trending Sports – NFL | NCAA | NBA | MLB | NASCAR | UFC | WWE http://ift.tt/2tGvdAh

[junker-town]

THIS WEEK IN SCHADENFREUDE, where Oklahoma State fans call for Mike Gundy’s mullet’s job

Also in the weekly roundup of post-Saturday internet angst: a dying man wishes for Arkansas to fire Bret Bielema, and Florida State fans want their .800-winning-percentage coach gone.

College football’s Week 4 was busy. It didn’t have any colossal upsets, but it had some surprises and a few brushes with chaos. Here’s how the internet responded, seen through the lens of five defeated fanbases whose online scenes I’ve toured.

Oklahoma State

Lost to TCU, 44-31, in a home upset. Someone proposed drastic consequences: the cleaving of head coach Mike Gundy’s immaculate mullet, a fixture since last year.

Let’s begin at the OrangePower.com message boards.

Thread: Time To Cut The Mullet, Coach

Okay. We get it. The Mullet took started as a joke, then took on a life of it's own.

That's great marketing --- when you're undefeated and riding the crest of a popularity wave.

But now you've gotten you a** kicked on national tv. You were beotch-slapped by a better game day coach that took you and your team to the woodshed.

The score was closer, but the game was a disaster.

But this isn’t strictly punitive. The poster thinks Gundy could stand to focus more on other things more productive to OSU’s mission if he gets rid of the haircut:

So, it's time to take a new focus -- one on the team not on your current media popular hairstyle.

Trim the mullet. Put the attention on improving the defense instead of your hair and lifestyle. The public loves it when you're winning, but when you're losing -- it doesn't care.

It was fun while it lasted, but now it's time to cut the damn thing.

This suggestion was met with widespread agreement. One poster couldn’t believe Gundy had lost to “a stupid visor wearing mf’er” like TCU coach Gary Patterson.

Someone sums it up:

Time to be business in the front, and back.

Another Pokes fan thinks Gundy needs to stop hunting turtles.

We’ve known for a while that Gundy hunts rattlesnakes:

Rattlesnake hunt in Okeene, OK with Todd and Wild Bill. http://pic.twitter.com/0SqWb9LxFk

— Mike Gundy (@CoachGundy) March 17, 2017

But a few weeks back, Gundy said he likes hunting turtles, too.

“They’re really good. When they know you get around them, they jump in the water,” Gundy said. “And so you got to kind of sneak up on them a little bit. At my place, we have quite a few of those off-road vehicles, called Gators. And so they’re accustomed to the sound of the Gator. So if you drive a Gator by, they won’t move. They’ll stay there. But if you walk up on them, you can’t very close to them because they’re too smart. They’ll jump in the water. So we used the Gators as our friend and try to keep as many turtles as we can out of the ponds because they eat your fish.”

Thread: How about a little less turtle hunting

and a lot more team preparation.

I wanna circle back to the mullet thing. So many OSU fans are directly reaching out to Gundy to tell him it’s time to get a haircut.

Cut the mullet @CoachGundy

— Emily Falkenberg (@Emilypfalk) September 23, 2017

Time to cut the mullet @CoachGundy #osuvstcu #ridiculousgame

— Jill Kimbrough (@jillkimbrough) September 23, 2017

Here’s Gundy getting told off by a couple of fans after tweeting appreciation for a group that brings seriously ill children to sporting events:

Cut the mullet

— Shane Wilde (@noShandlebars) September 24, 2017

Time the let the mullet go. Business in the front & back!

— Manscape & Massage (@ManscapeMassage) September 24, 2017

Cut your hair and donate half your salary back to Oklahoma teachers. Be a man. You are over paid

— My Info (@shirlmatlock56) September 24, 2017

“Be a man,” on the 10-year anniversary week of the “I’m a man” rant, no less.

Florida State

Lost 27-21 to NC State, falling to 0-2 and out of the AP Poll while the other team’s best player stopped to drop a loogie on the Noles’ logo.

The loss dropped Jimbo Fisher to a measly 78-19 at FSU, and he still just has one national title in eight-plus seasons, and there might be one, two, or even three coaches in the country slightly better than him.

Let’s see how Noles fans responded!

Here’s a gentleman screaming that Fisher’s overpaid and that his defensive coordinator, Charles Kelly, should be fired:

Can we fire jimbo fisher please! @FSUFootball

— Jonah Pate (@PateJonah) September 23, 2017

Jimbo Fisher is garbage . Fire him @FSUFootball

— Brad Dozier (@b_dozz) September 23, 2017

Let’s scoot on over to the message boards at Noles247.

Thread: Fire them all

Thread: Jimbo is a JOKE

So soft..not a Bowden bone in him.He’s just becoming noise.When u have more talent just play ball.why does he think he can win games 17-14 with this OL,DC and his play calling??...u just get tired watching this.

Thread: Fisher and whole staff need to be fired.

Totally inept and we will never be back to Playoffs with him. Only way to retain him is if he does what Dabo does, go get great coordinators, and then get out if their way and just be a cheerleader and recruiter. But, dumbo is to stubborn to do that,

FSU has made one of the three Playoffs that have ever been played. It’ll miss this year’s, which will drop Fisher to a mere .250 all-time Playoff participation rate.

Some people had a more pensive, chill attitude about everything.

Thread: I Don't know why Everyone's So Pissed Off That We Suck

So we suck. Who cares? Grow up.

Same:

Thread: I'm just here for the meltdown.

Love reading all the meltdown threads. My favorite part is when another team has a meltdown and everyone is so quick to point and laugh like it's beneath them. Who should we fire today fellas??? Maybe even shut program down at this point.

Boise State

Lost at home to Virginia, 42-23. Virginia! 42-23!

How does the commentariat feel about head coach Bryan Harsin, an alum who’s now fallen all the way to 40-16 all-time as the Broncos’ head coach?

To Boise’s Scout.com message board we go.

Thread: What does the buyout look like

Thread: Is this the darkest moment.........

for Boise State football in the 21st century or has it been worse? I am just not accustomed to seeing what I am seeing.

One message board poster, screen name zagco, had a specific demand.

Thread: Fire Brian Harsin!

Zagco is going to start a website!

Merely a half-hour after that plea, zagco said zagco was signing off altogether.

Thread: Goodbye BroncoCountry

Zagco is totally done with Boise State football until Harsin is gone. No more posts.

A short while later, another board poster was offering to buy the domain name firebryanharsin.com (for 25 percent off!) if someone else on the forum agreed to help manage the page. But another poster suggested a simpler solution:

Just create a fire Bryan Harsin Facebook page. It's free

To which the solicitor replied, “Good call.”

The Fire Harsin Facebook page doesn’t appear to be active yet. But!

(function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "//connect.facebook.net/en_US/sdk.js#xfbml=1&version=v2.10"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs); }(document, 'script', 'facebook-jssdk'));

Fire Bryan Harsin! Hire Les Miles!! Boise State so not the same

Posted by Nick Olsen on Friday, 22 September 2017

That is, if they can keep Les Miles away from the Nebraska AD job.

Kentucky

Lost 28-27 to Florida when its defense literally forgot to cover a receiver. That made 31 consecutive losses to UF, many of them in painful fashion.

But was this crushing to the program?

On the one hand, there’s a thread on UK’s Rivals board that’s titled, “Last Night Not Crushing to the Program.”

On the other, there’s another thread that’s titled, “Hard to overstate how crushing this is to the program.”

Here’s an exceptionally dark metaphor about Kentucky football in general.

Thread: Kentucky Football Reminds Me Of

The fable of the turtle and the scorpion. The gist of it is the scorpion wanted to ride the turtle across the river and promised he wouldn't sting the turtle if he gave him a ride. The turtle reluctantly agreed to take the scorpion. Halfway across the river the scorpion stings the turtle. The turtle asks, "why did you do that? Now we will both drown." The scorpion replies, "it's just my nature."

The Kentucky football fans are the turtle. The football team is the scorpion. No matter how much you expect something bad to happen, you reluctantly believe everything will be fine. So you go along for the ride and get your hopes up only to have it sting you and you sink to the bottom. That is how Kentucky football feels to me.

Here’s a Reddit thread I just figured I’d drop in full.

Slightly NSFW:

Arkansas

Lost to Texas A&M in overtime, like it does every year.

One fan says his near-death grandfather wants Bret Bielema fired before he dies.

@ClayTravis From Arkansas message board.. Amazing #hogs http://pic.twitter.com/nWzdQioLzM

— Jared Roll (@jroll918) September 23, 2017

Arkansas fans are less than stoked about their head coach and athletic director.

Let’s peruse Hogville.net for a few minutes.

Thread: Economical Solution to Our Problem

Replace AD Jeff Long with Wisconsin’s Barry Alvarez, who has worked nowhere other than Wisconsin since 1990. It’s an airtight plan.

Fire Long. Hire Barry Alvarez. Alvarez is making $1.125 million at Wisconsin. BB can be Alvarez's boy again, do as he is told, and regain his former level of highish mediocrity.

Thread: Go away BB

BB please go away. You are the worst coach we have ever had. Our program and state deserves better and Ws matter.

Also, there are multiple people worried that Arkansas will lose next weekend to New Mexico State. Yet another overtime loss to Aggies?

Is there a GoFundMe to pay Bielema’s massive buyout, currently north of $15 million?

Hell yeah there is.

The fundraiser, Austin Johnson, writes:

It's safe to say that Bret's time here should be over, however, Jeff Long has made this difficult with the lucrative 15.5 mil buyout, let's end this misery ourselves

Does the GoFundMe have any actual donations?

No, of course not.

So, any other solutions to make Arkansas competitive in the SEC West?

None better than this:

@jefflongUA How about Jimmy Johnson! Played for Razorbacks, won National Championship and also Super Bowls.

— Todd Naccarato (@todd_naccarato) September 24, 2017

[auburnfamilynews]

Sept. 30 – Mississippi State 

     Mississippi State is coming off of Dan Mullen’s worse season since his first in Starkville and questions still surround the Bulldogs entering 2017. They are yet again replacing a defensive coordinator and expectations for the offense are a bit apprehensive. Nick Fitzgerald, an intriguing talent, has yet to show if he can be a big-time playmaker with his arm in addition to his legs. 

     Dan Mullen has shown the ability to score points consistently. Last year his offense scored on average only 4 points less per game than Dak Prescott’s final season in 2015. If the defense can improve marginally and the offense keeps pace with last season, Mississippi State could be a potential thorn-in-the-side of a f ew SEC West contenders. Though they are picked to finish 6th in division, I think they could potentially jump up a few spots and “steal” a game or two if they catch someone off-guard. 

Best Case: The Auburn defense pressures Nick Fitzgerald early & often and keeps the Mississippi State offense out of rhythm all night long. Chip Lindsey’s offense conducts a passing clinic against a woefully outmatched Mississippi State pass defense. Auburn wins comfortably with Malik Willis getting his first (albeit mop-up duty) SEC experience. 

Worst Case: Nick Fitzgerald extends plays and drives by scrambling for first downs and finding open receivers on the run. The Auburn offense struggles to establish a running game and provides several turnovers for Mississippi State to take advantage of. Auburn still wins, but not without raising many worrying questions entering their SEC schedule. 

Why this game is important: This game opens Auburn’s SEC schedule and may very well be their first “big” win of the season(I’ll address Clemson and Missouri next week). Auburn needs to set the tone for the remainder of their schedule. Offensive issues should be ironed out for the most part and the defense should be clicking and playing with a lot of energy. Mississippi State should see a heavy dose of Kamryn Pettway while a true passing threat is also established to some degree. Teams need to know we’re dangerous through the air and on the ground. This could be just the game to do that. 

Oct. 7 – Ole Miss

     Ole Miss hasn’t had the best offseason. The Rebs have had an impending NCAA case looming for quite a while and that was compounded this summer by a Houston Nutt lawsuit against the school. The drama it its peak when Hugh Freeze resigned after several calls from his phone to an escort service were discovered. Freeze explained them as simply ‘butt dials’ but either way you look at that – they’re booty calls. Not good. 

     Ole Miss now has to figure out a way to actually play and win football games amid this swirling cornucopia of scandal. There is still some talent on this roster, but I have to wonder how much effort will be present in many of the games on their schedule. The Rebels will enter Jordan-Hare on October 7th coming off what is likely to be a sound defeat at the hands of Alabama. This could be a game that inspires Ole Miss or cements their demise in the SEC West. 

Best Case: Ole Miss arrives hungover from a one-sided affair the previous week and lays down for good. Auburn’s defense shines while nearly pitching a shutout. Auburn’s offense has its second week of aerial dominance with Jarrett Stidham inserting himself into early Heisman talk. Auburn wins big and rolls into Baton Rouge the following week for a pivotal SEC West showdown against LSU.

Worst Case: Auburn’s passing game struggles and misses key opportunities to put away Ole Miss over and over. As a result, a lot of energy is expended in a win against a much lesser opponent. Auburn limps into Baton Rouge looking out of sync and vulnerable.  

Why this game is important: This game is all about “handling your business.” The starters need to get in early and take out any chance of a Rebel Renaissance in Jordan-Hare so key backups and young players can enjoy SEC experience. 

Oct. 14 – @ LSU

     Travelling to LSU in mid-October is when we’ll really find out what our Tigers are made of. The second week matchup against Clemson can certainly provide flashes of brilliance but it’s safe to say that after 6 weeks, Auburn will have a strong identity heading into this matchup.

      LSU has Ed Orgeron in command and right at home with the Bayou Bengals. He’s tapped Matt Canada to revive the archaic Les Miles offense and I think he will be very effective at doing so. Quarterback Danny Etling should be in charge of a formidable, efficient offense under Canada’s tutelage. Derrius Guice will give Auburn its biggest test of the season on the ground. Overall, I think LSU will be more than inspired entering this game. Their matchup the previous week against Florida in Gainseville will either inspire them to continue their roll or provide them with an ample chip on their shoulder to return home and secure their first SEC home win of the season. 

Best Case: Auburn starts quickly and doesn’t look back. Kamryn Pettway, Malik Miller, and Kam Martin lead an Auburn rushing attack that keeps the LSU offense off the field and the fans quiet for a majority of the game. By the time the LSU offense has any sort of consistency, it is too late and Auburn ices the game mid-way through the 4th quarter with a 27 yard touchdown pass from Jarrett Stidham to Will Hastings. 

Worst Case: This is easy. Basically, a repeat of 2015. 

Why this game is important: Contenders? Or pretenders? This game figures most of that out for us. Assuming Auburn enters with an unblemished SEC record this game will decide if we go on to bigger and better things or stay a tier below Alabama and LSU for another season. 

Oct. 21 – @ Arkansas

     Arkansas is always a tricky team to predict. Especially so under Bret Bielema. The Razorbacks are installing a new defense and trying to season young receivers on the fly in 2017. Austin Allen was a pleasant surprise for them last year, but his followup campaign could honest go in either direction. They’re certainly no pushover. After all, this is an SEC road game and anything can happen on the road in the nation’s toughest conference.

     The biggest concern here, for me, is execution and health. Arkansas is in the middle of a rigorous three game SEC roadtrip for Auburn. It would be very easy for them to enter this game lacking focus, momentum, health, or all three.

Best Case: Auburn is able to control the line of scrimmage much like it did last year and dominate the Hogs en route to a solid victory. Arkansas makes attempts to get back into the game, but the quick-strike scoring ability of the Auburn offense keeps them at bay all 4 quarters and the Tigers escape Fayetteville without feeling any real danger.

Worst Case: Auburn is forced to slug it out with Arkansas at their own game and supplements it with mental mistakes and turnovers. Auburn loses a head-scratcher and Bielema gets his revenge from last season. 

Why this game is important: Maintaining momentum and handing a loss to a team that is highly motivated to repay a beatdown from the previous season. Arkansas has been a thorn in the side of Auburn on several occasions and a solid victory here usually spells good things for Auburn teams down the road. 

        Nov. 4 – @ Texas A&M

     Kevin Sumlin enters 2017  with a plethora of questions surrounding the Aggies. Inexperience at quarterback and key skill positions could serve to limit Texas A&M this season, but many are looking to Sumlin to provide a much-needed spark for the program. It’s anybody’s guess what the Aggies will actually be able to accomplish on the field this season, but it certainly looks like they will have an uphill battle to navigate and regain serious SEC West success. 

Best Case: Much like 2013, Auburn is able to run the ball almost at will and limit the Aggies’ scoring opportunities. This Auburn team is much more talented on defense than the 2013 squad and will be facing a much less talented offense in Texas A&M. On paper, it appears Auburn should be able to handle the Aggies comfortably.

Worst Case: The 12th man proves to be strong a force to overcome and Auburn falters in the rubber match of its 3-game SEC roadtrip. This could very well be a low point of the season for the Tigers if the offense struggles in this contest. 

Why this game is important: Depending on how the games before this play out, this could serve to bolster Auburn’s increasing momentum or get them back on track entering the Iron Bowl. A win in Baton Rouge likely translates to a win here as well but again, anything can happen. If Auburn survives this contest and remains unbeaten in SEC play, it sets up another blockuster matchup against Alabama at the end of November.

      Nov. 25 – Alabama

     There’s not much I can say about Alabama we all don’t already know. They will show up prepared to play and will likely enter with either one or zero losses. The SEC West has gone through Tuscaloosa most seasons since Nick Saban took over and 2017 won’t be any different. 

Best Case: Auburn keeps a vaunted Alabama defense on its heels all night with timely play-calling and tremendous playmaking by Stidham, our talented young receivers, and Pettway plundering 1st down yardage at will. It’s still a close contest, but Auburn throws a dagger late in the 4th quarter on a Jarrett Stidham to Sal Cannella connection that puts Auburn up by 10 points with just a few minutes left to play.

Worst Case: Alabama shuts down Pettway and the Auburn offense has no counter-attack in their passing game. Likewise, the Alabama offense moves the ball with ease and is never threatened or slowed by the Auburn defense. 

Why this game is important: This is the game we wait for all year. Only the best Auburn teams have challenged Alabama since Saban’s arrival (with 2009 being the lone exception). As much as it hurts to write, Alabama has set the standard in recent seasons. A tight contest here means Auburn is on the right track. Another blowout only confirms our status as a pretender. 

  The post Best Case, Worst Case: Auburn’s SEC West Opponents appeared first on Track 'Em Tigers, Auburn's oldest and most read independent blog.

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[allcheatscodes]

guitar hero iii legends of rock wii

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guitar hero iii legends of rock wii

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Get the updated and latest Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock cheats, unlockables, codes, hints, Easter eggs, glitches, tricks, tips, hacks, downloads, guides, hints, FAQs, walkthroughs, and more for Wii (Wii). AllCheatsCodes.com has all the codes you need to win every game you play!

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Also Known As: Guitar Hero 3: Legends of Rock

Genre: Simulation, Musical Instrument / Band Sim Developer: Red Octane Publisher: Activision ESRB Rating: Teen Release Date: October 28, 2007

Hints

Play No Sound

On GH3 in practice mode you can play the notes but not hear anything! Just mess around with the LAG calibration.

$ 10,000 For One Player

Every player is worth $10,000 if you want to unlock him/her.

Hammering On

When you see a chord that has a white “beam” out of itself. YoU must strum the note before it, unless the one before it is a hammer on. NOTE: You MUST strum the closest regular not for this to work.

Cheats

Unlock Everything

(GRBO)(GRYB)(GRYO)(GYBO)(GRYB)(RYBO)(GRYB)(GYBO)(GRYB)(GRYO)(GRYO)(GRYB)(GRYO)(no sound plays when you enter these chords)

Unlock All Songs

From the main menu go to the option menu then select cheats then enter the following code: Yellow & Orange, Red & Blue, Red & Orange, Green & Blue, Red & Yellow, Yellow & Orange, Red & Yellow, Red & Blue, Green & Yellow x2, Yellow & Blue x2, Yellow & Orange x2, Yellow & Blue, Yellow, Red, Red & Yellow, Red, Yellow, Orange.this will allow you to play all the songs in quick play NOTE: this code also lets you keep the song so you only need to enter it once

No Fail

(GR) B (GR) (GY) B (GY) (RY) O (RY) (GY) Y (GY) (GR)

Easy Expert

Green & Red, Green & Yellow, Yellow & Blue, Red & Blue, Blue & Orange, Yellow & Orange, Red & Yellow, Red & Blue.

Bret Michaels As Singer

Green+red green+red green+red green+blue green+blue green+blue green+blue red red red red+blue red red red red+blue red red red.

Large Gems

G R G Y G B G O G B G Y G R G (GR) (RY) (GR) (YB) (GR) (BO) (GR) (YB) (GR) (RY) (GR) (GY)

Precision Mode

Choose cheats from options and enter a cheat. Play the following (Remeber to strum!): Green + Red x3, Red + Yellow x2, Red + Blue x2, Yellow + Blue, Yellow + Orange x2, Red + Green x2, Red + Red, Yellow + Red x2, Red + Blue x2, Yellow + Blue, Yellow + Orange x2.

Performance Mode

At the main menu, hit options, then cheats and strumthe following: YELLOW, YELLOW, BLUE, YELLOW,YELLOW, ORANGE, YELLOW, YELLOW

Hyper Speed

At the main menu, hit options, then cheats and strumthe following: ORANGE, BLUE, ORANGE, YELLOW,ORANGE, BLUE, ORANGE, YELLOW

Air Guitar

At the main menu, hit options, then cheats and strumthe following: YELLOW, YELLOW, BLUE, ORANGE,YELLOW, BLUE

Eyeball Heads

At the main menu, hit options, then cheats and strumthe following: BLUE, ORANGE, YELLOW, ORANGE,YELLOW, ORANGE, BLUE

Monkey Heads

At the main menu, hit options, then cheats and strumthe following: ORANGE, BLUE, YELLOW, YELLOW,ORANGE, BLUE, YELLOW, YELLOW

Flaming Head

At the main menu, hit options, then cheats and strumthe following: ORANGE, YELLOW, ORANGE, ORANGE,YELLOW, ORANGE, YELLOW, YELLOW

Horse Head

At the main menu, hit options, then cheats and strumthe following: BLUE, ORANGE, ORANGE, BLUE, ORANGE,ORANGE, BLUE, ORANGE, ORANGE, BLUE

Unlockables

5 Gold Stars

Get 100% on a song and they will give you gold songs.

Unlock Oblivaxe Guitar

Buy Lou as a character for $15000. His guitar will come with him.

Unlock Unfortunator Guitar

Buy Metalhead as a character. His guitar will come with him.

Unlock ’59 Les Paul Guitar

Buy Slash as a character for $10000. His guitar will be part of the package.

Unlock Arm The Homeless Guitar

Buy Tom Morello as a character for $10000. His guitar will be part of him.

Unlock Moon Shot Guitar

To unlock this guitar, beat the game on easy of career mode.

Unlock Song: Cities On Flame With Rock & Roll

To unlock this song, play co-op career mode. It will be in chapter 4 as an encore.

Unlock Song: Avalancha

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: My Curse

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X.

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: Nothing For Me Here

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: Ruby

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: In The Belly Of A Shark

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: The Way It Ends

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: Take This Life

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: She Bangs The Drums

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: Prayer Of The Refugee

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: Minus Celsius

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: Metal Heavy Lady

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: Mauvais Garcon

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: In Love

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: Hier Kommt Alex

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: Radio Song

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: I’m In The Band

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: Go That Far

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: Impulse

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: Generation Rock

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: Down ‘N Dirty

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: Don’t Hold Back

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: Closer

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: Can’t Be Saved

This song can be purchased at the store for $500.

Unlock Song: Cult Of Personality

To unlock this song, play 3 songs in chapter 7 of career mode. You will play this song as an encore.

Unlock Song: Pride And Joy

To unlock this song, play 3 songs in chapter 6. You will play this song as an encore.

Unlock Song: Even Flow

To unlock this song, play 3 songs in chapter 4. You will play this song as an encore.

Unlock Song: Paint It Black

To unlock this song, play 3 songs in chapter 3. You will play this song as an encore.

Unlock Song: Bulls On Parade

To unlock this song, play 3 songs in chapter 2. You will play this song as an encore.

Unlock Song: Welcome To The Jungle

To unlock this song, play chapter 5. You will play this after the 3rd song you play in the chapter.

Unlock Song: Rock And Roll All Night

To unlock this song, play three songs in career mode.

Unlock Tiki Fortune 4 Bass

Complete co-op career mode in easy difficulty.

Unlock “Beach Life” Bass

Complete co-op career mode in hard difficulty.

Unlock Rojimbo Guitar

Complete career mode in hard difficulty.

Unlock “Radioactive” Guitar

Complete the co-op career mode in hard difficulty.

Unlock Nemesis 13 Guitar

Complete co-op career mode under medium difficulty.

Unlock “Distant Visitor” Guitar

Complete the career mode under expert difficulty.

Unlock Bat Guitar

Get a 5 star rank in all songs in easy difficulty.

Unlock El Jefe Guitar!

Get a 5 Star rank on all songs in expert difficulty.

Unlock “Risk Assessmene” guitar

Complete the game under the difficulty expert in career mode.

Unlock El Jefe Guitar (Cleopatra’s)

Get a 5 star rank in all songs in expert difficulty in career mode.

Unlock Jolly Roger Guitar

Complete the game under the medium difficulty.

Unlock Tiki Guitar

Get a 5 star rank in all songs under hard difficulty in career mode.

Unlock The Song Helicopter

This song is the ENCORE for the 5th chapter in co-op career mode.

Unlock song “Reptilia”

This song is the ENCORE for the first chapter in co-op career.

Unlock song “Sabotage” by the Beastie Boys

This song is the ENCORE for co-op career in the first chapter.

Unlock “Neversoft Skateboard” Bass

To get this bass, you must complete the game in co-op career mode under the expert difficulty.

Unlock Saint George Guitar

Complete the game under medium difficulty in career mode.

Unlock Song: Suck My Kiss

To unlock this song, play co-op mode. It will be in chapter 3.

Unlock Through The Fire And Flames

To unlock this song, complete career mode on any difficulty. You will play this song at the credits.

All Songs Unlocked Easily

All you have to do is complete all the songs on easy and you will still have all of them!

Unlock Elroy Budis

Purchase him at the store for $10,000.

Unlock Song: We Are The Monsters

To unlock this song, complete co-op career mode. The song should be in the 7th chapter.

MetalHead

To unlock MetalHead, purchase him at the store for $10,000.

Unlock Tom Morello

To unlock Tom Morello you must beat him in aguitar battle at the bar, then you will be able tobuy him for $10,000 in the store.

Unlock Lou

Once you beat Lou in the battle for your soul, you can buy him for $15,000 in the store.

Unlock Slash

To unlock Slash you must defeat him in a guitar battle in Shankers Island. so be saving up for him because he’s 10,000.

Easter eggs

Currently we have no easter eggs for Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Glitches

Currently we have no glitches for Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Guides

Currently no guide available.

[theimpossiblescheme]

You know I gotta throw forward either Cyrano de Bergerac or Gus the Theatre Cat for you

... I was going to do both, but I ended up typing a small essay on Cyrano (it’s practically my Brand by now) so I’ll go with him for right now and do Gus in a separate post and tag you in it!

Why I like them: Honestly, what’s not to like?  One of my favorite character types has always been “feral warrior poet who gives exactly zero f*cks”, and there’s no better example than Cyrano--he can run rings around anybody, and it never feels like bragging because he can actually back it up.  And yet there’s still a human heart under all of it--he’s unfailingly kind to so many of the ordinary people in the play, the kinds of people high society would look down upon, and there’s a selflessness and sensitivity to him that feels genuine, not just Rostand trying to trick you into liking him.  You feel all of his insecurities.  You feel it when Cyrano wonders if he’s just going to end up alone for the rest of his life... while he’s talking to his best friend.  We’ve all been there--we get it.

Why I don’t: That said, I’m not gonna pretend he’s perfect (and he shouldn’t be!  He’s so much more human and relatable if he isn’t!).  He’s still capable of being a petty asshole who holds grudges like it’s his job and consistently throws away any chance he has of being happy Because Reasons.  If I ever met him in person, I’d probably sock him in the jaw and then give him a hug (and then promptly end up as mincemeat, but it’d be worth it!).

Favorite episode (scene if movie): Oh, God, the balcony scene.  I know that’s a cliche, but dear God, a well-done balcony scene with a good Cyrano actor will psychologically destroy me in the best way.  I have not been the same since watching Kevin Kline’s rendition.

Favorite season/movie: Of all the adaptations of the play, I gotta go to bat for the 1950 movie being my favorite.  It was the movie that brought me to the dance in the first place, and José Ferrer will always be the standard against whom I grade all other Cyrano actors.  He was born to play that role.

Favorite line: “Your name is a golden bell hung in my heart...”  I tell you what, if somebody said that to me IRL, I might die right there on the spot.

Favorite outfit: I always imagine Kevin Kline’s outfit with the blue doublet from the Broadway revival, so I guess that one.  And if that hat ever goes missing, they know where to look. XD

OTP: Cyrano/Roxanne/Christian for the win.  I don’t even think I need to elaborate--it’s just the only natural outcome.

Brotp: Cyrano and Le Bret--I never see enough content for their friendship, but I live for Le Bret being Cyrano’s rock and the only person who can keep him from completely spiraling, and Cyrano depends on him so much almost in spite of himself.  It’s such a beautiful dynamic.

Headcanon: There have been two Cyranos I can think of who were guitar players (José Ferrer and Douglas Hodge), and I’ve always loved that idea.  He is supposed to be a musician among his many talents, after all!

Unpopular opinion: I keep seeing this take (especially on TV Tropes, for some reason) that Cyrano isn’t a good person, and I can’t say I agree at all.  I’ll concede that he isn’t a very nice person, but there’s a big distinction between nice and good.

A wish: I want to see more actors of color play the role!  I mean, for pity’s sake, Ferrer was only the first Latin-American actor to ever win an Oscar and quite literally the first actor to ever win a Tony, all for playing Cyrano, so there is no reason whatsoever to keep casting only white guys.  There is a massive pool of new diverse acting talent out there, and nobody ever looks hard enough for it.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: Stop trying to modernize the character and/or make him into a Nice Guy (TM).  I don’t know how how people look at a character who literally concocts an entire scheme to be sure the woman he loves can be happy, even if it’s with another man, and see something like Sierra Burgess (yeah, I’m still mad at that movie).

5 words to best describe them: Infuriating, clever, indomitable, selfless, noble

My nickname for them: ...I’ve called him a dumbass multiple times on my blog, so I guess that counts.  Honestly, if you can’t affectionately call your favorite character a dumbass, are they really your favorite? XD