#which yeah i definitely see the similarities

[bunnieswithknives]

Oh I have to ask. In your Things That Crawl AU, what does Lyle think. I could see him having similar reactions to Hellen's. We know that even if it wasn't healthy, Lyle was the one who knew Sam the most, longer then anyone else, his constant stalking means he knew what Sam was like and they may have even actually worked together. I personally just can't see Lyle accepting this "New" Sam but I could be totally wrong, I'd love to here about Lyle in your au.

Oh yeah Lyle absolutely does not accept the new Sam

My first thought was that Lyle does what he always does when the going gets tough, and that's try to steal Sam's soul. I don't really like that idea though... cause either it works as both a cop-out and definitive answer to Sam's state of mind, or it doesn't and that's still an answer of some kind, which I don't want.

The alternative is really dependent on the extent of the powers I wanna give Visitor!Sam(? Idk if this is what I wanna call it but we're going with it for now) and how fucked up I want that to go.

POV: The benevolent god has an audio processing disorder and no idea what a human looks like

[greenvillainredemption]

One thing I love about mutant mayhem is that Leo has a crush on an April who’s not conventionally attractive. It almost feels like, because of the turtles’ isolated upbringing* he hasn’t been influenced by the popular western beauty ideals and just thinks this ordinary human is beautiful! And I think that’s really cool! Because she is!

*though they’ve clearly been exposed to celebrities and other pop culture so ?? idk lol

[hana-bobo-finch]

Started rereading thg for the probably eighth time in preparation for SOTR’s release next month and Oh Boy the hyperfixation is creeping back up on me

[milkweedman]

Genuinely spending 2 hours a day just prepping the fiber, RIP

To be fair at least a third of that time is pushing the executive function button so I can start the next nest. They're unfortunately one of those activities that has enough steps that each one feels like it's own separate thing, so I have to Start Task each damn time. So there's a 5-10 minute cooldown between them.

Got 9 nests, I think (on top), middle is some fleece that's already had a lot of locks picked out so it's kind of jumbled, bottom is combing waste.

[hyperfixation-or-death]

A series of headcanons:

Victor Deslandes was a Gifted Child™ in elementary school, and hit burnout in middle school.

Sam Deslandes was a Gifted Child™ in middle school, and hit burnout in high school.

Bilal Belkebirs was canonically highly academically and professionally successful before time traveling back to save his friends. However, in the post-canon timeline, he experiences burnout in university due to feeling somewhat directionless.

Romane Berthauds, in the timeline she and Victor traveled back from, had no friends and decided to focus most of her time and effort into academic success. The Romane from Bilal's timeline also put a lot of effort into schoolwork, but after her mom died, her studying habits became really unhealthy and excessive as she tried to cope with the loss. Post-canon Romane does not experience academic burnout (she has sooo many other problems, though). However, the Romane from Bilal's timeline (who the show unfortunately doesn't acknowledge again) will have a midlife crisis at some point.

[omegamoo]

found some of my essays from a world history class i took... you know the essays you spend two nights prepping and panicking for and then scramble to write during the bell period... well i found one about the universal nature of war in response to a class project and What the Fuck was I On when writing that. What The Fuck

[todayisafridaynight]

in my heart sawashiro and arakawa have the same thing going on that minedai do but slightly to the left...like theres a visible difference and a different vibe but...its there yknow...less crazy but also more crazy because theyre older are you getting the vibe im laying down this is difficult to explain

no i get the vibe i got you. it's like minedai but with dads and less willingness to murder his boss out of grief

[sirfrogsworth]

How do you take a photo of time?

I've been watching the track events at the Olympics since I was a wee lad. It was a tradition in our family. We'd gather around our ancient low-definition 19 inch CRT television and watch tiny blobs compete against other tiny blobs and root for our country.

It was a bit like watching YouTube on your phone in 144p.

Several heroes emerged.

Jackie Joyner-Kersee was amazing.

You can't forget about Flo-Jo.

And then the Olympics decided NBA players were allowed in the competition.

Which formed... The Dream Team.

Was this fair?

Well... they won each game by an average of 44 points.

So... no. It was not fair.

Though it became more fair as time went on.

But, umm... yeah. The other teams looked like the Washington Generals and the US looked like the Harlem Globetrotters if they stopped screwing around half of the game.

But my absolute favorite Olympian was a runner named Michael Johnson.

He was cool as heck.

For one thing... gold shoes.

But he also had this crazy, upright, Tom Cruise-ish sprinting style that just made him look like a running robot on the track.

And in the 1996 Atlanta games he just trounced EVERYONE. I mean, it wasn't even close.

Yikes. Those losing blobs are probably really embarrassed.

Last night I decided to invigorate my nostalgia and watch the track events again. And I got to see one of the wildest races in history.

It didn't even last 10 seconds but it was one of the most exciting sporting events I've ever witnessed. Almost every runner won the race.

After I saw that initially, I was like... who the heck won???

Even in slow motion I wasn't sure.

This was one of the closest finishes in history. There has never been a race where all 8 runners were within this margin.

The arena was silent as the winner was being confirmed. The runners just kind of paced around waiting for official word. My best guess was the Jamaican runner, Kishane Thompson. But then the loudspeaker announced Noah Lyles.

The last tiny morsel of American pride burst out of me with a big "Wooooo!"

I forgot what it was like to be proud of my country. I wish it happened more often. But this young man, despite being last place in the first 3rd of the race, turned on the afterburners and won in a photo finish.

And that's when my inner nerd took over.

Because when they showed the photo finish image, it looked super weird.

Why is the track white?

Why do all of the runners look all warpy like that QWOP game?

So I went down a research rabbit hole to figure this out.

Photo finishes are actually fascinating. The first photo finish captured the end of a horse race in 1890. But that was mostly luck and timing. The actual photo finish mechanisms weren't used until 1937.

Originally they would film the finish line through a physical slit.

And the first horsie head that appeared in that slit would be the winner. This technology ended a huge aspect of corruption in horse race fixing almost overnight.

But we have come a long way since then. And I'd like to introduce you to the Omega Scan 'O' Vision Ultimate.

This slow motion camera sits fixed on the finish line of every race. The concept of the photo finish has remained remarkably similar to the 1930s approach. The camera sensor is specially designed to only record a vertical slit.

Only the finish line itself is actually captured.

And because it limits what it records to only that slit, it can capture 40,000 frames per second to get amazing temporal resolution.

So why don't the photo finishes just look like, well... this?

That is because the camera takes a picture of time more-so than dimensional space. I guess it would be more accurate to say it *assembles* a picture of time.

As the runners cross the finish line, the camera combines all of the little strips of pictures into a single image.

It's almost like if you tried to reassemble a piece of paper after it had been shredded.

Imagine each strip of paper is a picture of ONLY the finish line, just at a slightly different point in time.

What if someone stopped on the finish line and didn't move... what would that look like?

Once they got there, the same part of their body would just be repeated.

So the right side of the photo finish picture represents earlier in time and it just assembles the image strip by strip as time passes and you literally get a picture of time itself.

NEAT!

Okay, but how do they determine the winner from the photo finish?

I mean, that shoe looks like it is ahead of Noah Lyles!

Clavicles!

The IAFF rules state the foremost part of the torso must cross the finish line first. And the endpoint of the torso is the outer end of the clavicle.

So if you get this bone across the finish line first, you win the race.

Two more fun facts!

The start of the race is actually just as carefully timed as the end of the race. There are sensors in the starting blocks of each runner.

The starting gun also has an electronic sensor.

They have determined the fastest a human can react to the sound of a gun is roughly 100 milliseconds. So if you start running before 100 milliseconds they know you didn't actually hear the gun, you just got antsy and started running too early.

And the final fun fact...

Did you notice the Omega logo at the top of the photo finish?

That isn't superimposed or added after the fact. That is captured by the camera.

But if this image is composed only of tiny little slivers, how did they get the Omega logo to show up?

That is a little display. And it is synchronized with the Scan 'O' Vision Ultimate to show a little sliver of the Omega logo for each frame captured.

So when the final image is stitched together, it looks like a cohesive logo at the top of the photo.

Pretty clever, Omega!

[arolesbianism]

Sigh. Thinking abt isat eg au again. Head in hands comic Frin taking on King's name after the third universe reboot erases him in an attempt to hold onto what was previously the last remnant of their original version of the universe only to have that memory fade with the rest by the time isat Siffrin starts doing king quest stuff leaving them left with a name that isn't their own nor the person it originally belonged to with none of the meaning left behind

[nunyabznsbabes]

Katniss is like Lucy Gray this, Katniss is like Sejanus that, and yes fine that's all good and true and lovely but Katniss Everdeen is also a direct parallel to Coriolanus Snow and people NEED to start talking about this because it's driving me crazy.

Think about it: they both grew up poor and deeply vulnerable, losing parents at a very young age, with a matriarchal adult (Katniss' mother and Coriolanus' Grandma'am) who fails to provide for them emotionally and physically. They intimately understand the threat of starvation, even developing with stunted growth because of it, and their narrations in the books share a fixation on food. Throughout their childhoods, both experienced constant fear and suffered a fundamental lack of control over their circumstances. Because of this, they're inherently suspicious of the people around them. They resent feeling indebted to others, especially those who have saved their lives. They're motivated almost entirely by family and deeply connected to their communities. Both are used and manipulated by the Capitol, both are forced to perform to survive and despise every inch of it, both are thrown into the Arena and made to kill. Both have a self-sacrificial, genuinely sweet sister figure acting as their conscience. Peeta and Lucy Gray - performers and love interests with a fundamental kindness and sense of hope about them - fulfill markedly similar roles in their narrative. Both contribute to the development of the future Hunger Games, Snow throughout tbosas and Katniss towards the end of Mockingjay.

It's easy to ignore these similarities because, as mirrors of each other, they are exact opposites. Katniss is from District 12, viewed and treated as less than human; Snow is the cream of the Capitol crop, given the privilege of a name with social weight, an ancestral home, and the opportunity of the Academy despite having no more money than a miner from 12. Katniss has no agency over her life, and responds by being kind whenever she's able, while Snow justifies horrendous evils in order to continue his quest for complete control. Katniss does everything she can to protect her family; Snow does everything he can to protect his family's image as an extension of his own ego. Katniss loves her District and connects with its inhabitants on a meaningful level, but Snow is indifferent at best to his peers - the apparent "superior people" - and only engages with his community for personal gain. Katniss emerges from the Arena horrified at herself and the system, but Snow takes his trauma and turns it into an excuse to perpetuate the violence with himself at the top. Katniss cares for Prim until her death and then snaps at the loss of her little sister, while Snow survives on Tigris' blood, sweat, and tears and then torments and abandons her, presumably because she calls him out on his insanity. Snow actively adds to and popularizes the Hunger Games because of his vendetta against the Districts following his childhood wartime trauma - Katniss briefly agrees to a new Hunger Games (which is arguably a facade to trick Coin), but later definitively stops them from happening by killing Coin and choosing a life of peace and privacy. Snow is obsessed with revenge, but Katniss empathizes with the Capitolites and does what she can to keep them from suffering. He exists in a cruel system and selfishly upholds it; she exists in a cruel system and works to dismantle it for the good of her family and community, at great personal cost. And Peeta and Lucy Gray are incredibly similar, but Katniss and Peeta forge a relationship of genuine love and understanding that shines in comparison to Coriolanus' obsessive projection onto Lucy Gray.

So, yeah, Katniss is Lucy Gray haunting Coriolanus. But I bet you anything that eighty-something year old President Snow looks at her, the girl on fire, and thinks that he sees the ghost of his own past: bright and young and brilliant, emerging from a childhood of starvation with a relentless hunger for success, a talented and charming performer helping her win the Games. And that's why he's so afraid of her! Because if he sees himself in her, then he's up against his own cunning, his own talent for manipulation, his own charisma, his own genius. He reads her wrong, obviously, but it means that in his mind he's up against the version of himself that he could have been, with the nightmare army of his childhood at her back and her star-crossed lover at her side, spewing Sejanus' truths in his own voice. This isn't to say that Katniss ever achieved the level of power and agency that Coriolanus did during her time with the rebellion, but it is to say that Snow was taken down by what truly terrified him - his own morality, come to finish the job.

[muqingslover]

[ This is different than what I usually post but I had to get this out of my system. The new DMC show brought back so many memories and idc what the haters say it's PEAK.

Anyway, to the DMC lovers out there, please accept this humble offering ]

Being in a relationship with Dante. | some NSFW included.

⊹— He may be the best demon hunter but in a relationship? He's the BIGGEST loser. Dante is always throwing some lame pick-up line your way and believe me when I say he will not give up until one sticks. (Spoiler warning: The fact that it actually works only makes him want to do it again)

—⊹ Dating Dante is not for the faint hearted. You have to be ready for all kinds of beyond ridiculous situations and have a godly amount of adaptability.

⊹— He will ALWAYS answer the phone for you. Literally. It doesn't matter what he's doing or where he is he will pick up the second he sees your name on the screen.

"Babe? Oh yeah! I'm totally still up for dinner! By the way, can you add those pieces of chocolate again to— *Approaching yelling in the background* Just a sec! *Crashing sounds and gunshots* Whew, okay, anyway like I was saying—"

—⊹ Oh yeah, he loooooves using pet names and silly nicknames. His personal favorites are "Babe" and "My little luck charm".

⊹— He likes to give you "traditional" dating gifts because that's what he always saw others do so when he shows up with a big ass teddy bear and a box of chocolates (which by the way he definitely ate some before giving it to you) please tell him you love it.

—⊹ Bro is so competitive. Dante is NOT letting you win in card games or any other board games because he wants to show off his skills to you. Though, if you get genuinely upset he would feel bad and invite you to play video games with him because he fails miserably at them every time.

⊹— His hands grab your ass every time you hug him. Not even in a sexual way he just can't help it and he never fails to throw a "nice ass" right after.

—⊹ Missing jewelry, hat or belt from your closet? He's the culprit. This guy will wear anything as long as he believes he looks good in it. I pray for you if you guys are a similar size because then you will have full clothing pieces missing.

⊹— He is THE hype man. Dante kisses the ground you walk on and he supports your rights and rights (because you could never do any wrong ;)).

—⊹ Dante's favorite thing is to show you off in every opportunity he gets. And if he doesn't have the opportunity then he'll just do it anyway. He is constantly yapping about how incredibly hot his partner is, how good your cooking is, how cute you look when you're focused and the way you smell so damn good all the time like, man! You're a freaking gift from the gods! (someone save poor Lady she can't bear to listen to him any more)

⊹— Please also hype him back in return! He has the worst praise kink case I've ever seen. Each time he's praised he just doesn't know what to do with himself and despite the initial cocky attitude he is easy to overwhelm if you don't stop. The first time you praised him while patting his head or scratching his chin he got a hard-on and had to rush out with a poor excuse before you noticed it.

—⊹ There is nothing romantic about sharing a bed with him. It's an absolute nightmare. First of all, this guy is physically incapable of sleeping with his clothes on. He just can't do it. Dante used to sleep butt ass naked but then you convinced him to at least wear boxers. Next on the list of problems is the snoring— Like, it's so loud you thought there was a truck engine next to you instead of your boyfriend. Not to mention the fact he takes up all space on the bed and moves around SO MUCH while he's asleep.

Please invest in separate beds before you kill him.

⊹— Absolutely hates morning. Getting him out of bed is the hardest thing to do and that's saying a lot with the life you two lead. He will keep you trapped in bed with him by wrapping his strong arms around your waist only to when you get up he sloooowly slides off the mattress and onto floor like a worm hanging to you.

—⊹ Surprisingly, or not, very insecure. This man is not controlling in any way though, he is just very worried that he won't be able to protect you if something was to happen or that you will realize you made a mistake by being with him.

⊹— His favorite thing is to make you smile. I know a lot of people paint him as stupid but I genuinely think he just acts silly as a defense mechanism. It's a mask. With you, though? He will purposely act like a dork because he knows it makes you smile.

—⊹ To add to that, Dante does everything he can to keep your spirits up; Someone hurt your feelings? No need to fret, he’s already planning their downfall. Feeling under the weather? tickle monster time! Migraine? He is closing the curtains and cuddling you until it gets better!

⊹— The filter between his brain and mouth is naturally bad but with you, who he is truly comfortable with, it's just INEXISTENT. This may range from random, useless bullshit to out of pocket comments that should definitely not be said out loud.

—⊹ Physical contact is his thing. I mean, he NEEDS it and can be very high maintenance about it. Having his hands on you is not enough for Dante he has to be as close as physically possible and you need to be giving him some kind of attention in return.

⊹— Hugging you from behind when you're cook, snuggling while on the couch together, keeping a firm arm hooked around your waist while outside, constantly nuzzling his nose on your hair, kissing your neck at every chance he gets, pulling you into his lap as if it's his second nature ECT.

—⊹ Did I mention he adores your hair? In particular long hair because then he can fidget with it by twirling it around his finger or by being a dork and putting it between his lips and nose to make a mustache.

⊹— Your lips are like a drug to him. He will be saying "okay, okay I REALLY gotta bail now" and then stare at you for a solid two seconds then steal another kiss and another and another....oops, he's 30 minutes late already.

—⊹ Dante is a biter. God help you when you give him cuteness aggression (which is basically always) because he will chew on you like candy. Your skin is often red from teeth marks and he doesn't feel sorry about it at all.

⊹— Cannot cook to save his life but absolutely loves your food. Especially if you're good at baking! Man's scarfing down those sweet treats like it's his last meal on earth.

—⊹ He sings while he's showering and holds the bottle of shampoo to you like a microphone so you'll join him. Oh and yes, he is VERY tone-deaf.

⊹— No matter how many times he sees you naked he never gets tired of that blessed sight. He flirts with you like it's the first time he's seeing you and those naughty eyes speak for themselves.

—⊹ He has a high libido, especially in the beginning of the relationship where he's even more excitable than usual. Sex can be very clumsy and messy with him, but that's just what makes it so him.

⊹— If you're a breasty lady, he is reaaaaaally into you using your boobs to get him off. Dante also enjoys having your lips around his cock more than words could describe and a quickie in dark, tight spaces is part of the package with him.

—⊹ Bondage is a guilty pleasure of his. Dante prefers to be the one restrained and left at your mercy instead of the other way around because it's just very hot to him when you take control. You're also the only one he would trust to be this vulnerable with.

⊹— This guy is always late for EVERYTHING, but he shows up without a fail in the end. No matter how battered or tired he might be, not even if he was run over by a truck, he will definitely be there.

[dazedantics]

It's that damn sweater.

You don't know what it is or why, but something about that guy wearing it, with that stupid yellow button up underneath, and those dumbass khakis, it does something to you.

And he rarely wears anything different. His closet is probably full of ten times the same outfit like some cartoon character.

It was stupid.

You hardly knew the guy!

But everytime he walked into class, you couldn't take your eyes off him. Thankfully you sat behind him so he couldn't see your ogling. But he could feel it. Always turning his head and looking around but finding no culprit.

You had to make your staring discreet though. From him, yeah. But if anyone else saw you looking at the geek so fascinated-like? You'd be the new laughing stock!

I mean, seriously! The guy has a whole lunch table to himself cause no one wants to be around him! And you know how full every other table gets, random people squeezing in next to each other just for a moment to eat. Even the loners get more acknowledgement than him!

You think he has like, maybe, one friend? William? Though he is pretty well liked despite the company he keeps.

Maybe he feels obligated to stay with him. Some childhood thing, like their moms being too close so it'd be awkward if they didn't talk to each other. That had to be it. No way someone would willing be that guy's friend.

There were other guys who wore similar outfits, but it looked even more ridiculous on them! What made that guy so different?

Maybe it was the specific brand his clothes came from. Or maybe he just picked colors that suited him better. Did he know color theory? A nerd like him, probably. He probably spent a whole afternoon worrying over subtle psychological ways to get people like him, desperate to get away from the loser placard that stuck to him since elementary school. Yeah, he seemed the type to care what people thought of him.

Couldn't be anything deeper like maybe you though he was way cute.

Definitely not that.

Cause you do see him outside of school often. Not cause you hang out or anything, he's not even free during those times you see him. No, it's cause you like to hang around at Burger Mart after school until someone can come pick you up.

He's there working. In his dumb little apron, with his dumb little hat, with a big dumb smile on his face, with that stupid little name tag that reads "Mark." And he has the audacity to be the one bringing you your meal. Calling out your number and handing you your grease stained paper bag. Fingers brushing yours as you take it. Giving you that stupid little nervous smile, trying to make conversation before he has to get through everyone else's orders. Isn't he the garbage boy or something? Why does he have to be the one you see everyday?

You spend a long time avoiding him before you finally crack.

You start sitting down at his table at lunch, chatting more with William and paying hardly any attention to him. You start leaning against his locker, waiting for him to get to school, just offhandedly telling him about how boring classes were the previous day. You start waiting for him to get off his shift so you two could head home (which takes a very long time, sitting back in the creaky old booths). You start helping him with his homework, noticing how he rarely does it on his own, choosing to partner with him on projects of your own volition.

And for whatever reason, he starts getting bullied less. At least, not when you can see him. Maybe people are just shocked. Maybe your presence alone has helped promote him out of the loser bin.

Or maybe you've been demoted to his level. Just on a less damning scale.

People never really ask why you started hanging around him though. Which is good for you, cause you wouldn't know how to answer them.

Eventually, you get close enough to start getting invited to his house. And the first thing you're tempted to do is check his closet to see if he has more of the same dumb sweater laying around. But you don't, cause you know you at least have to try and show you have decent respect for others.

One day though, you crack again.

It's dark, the little light on his desk providing a soft yellow glow. He's standing by his shelf, explaining who knows what about his comic collection with that big dumb smile on his face. You're not really hearing him though, zoning out as you focus on scanning him head to toe, sitting back on his bed with your legs crossed.

Then, you grab him.

Grab him by the stupid little collar on that stupid little sweater and pull him down over you. He's panicked, dropping his book to hold himself above you with both hands braced on either side of your head. You can practically hear the jackrabbiting of his heart.

He says your name quietly, wondering what you're doing.

And you start complaining to him about his damn sweater, brow curled and finger absentmindedly tracing small patterns across his chest.

You don't feel particularly nervous or excited. Oddly calm, though your voice comes out as annoyed.

Then you start going on about who knows what and he asks if you're planning to let go of him any time soon.

You pause.

His warm brown eyes seem softer than ever.

And you half expect one of his parents to walk into the room, mortified by your suggestive position.

But they don't.

You can hear the slow ticking of the clock in the corner.

And you're not sure what overcomes you. But looking up at him, that dumb sweater just so soft beneath your fingers, his big nervous smile suddenly not so dumb anymore ...

You kiss him ...

And, somehow, that guy suddenly isn't just that guy anymore.

[landoughnut]

Bad Idea Right? - LN4

masterlist - request - patreon

pairing: lando norris x piastri!fem!reader

summary: lando hadn't expected to fall in love with his teammates sister, and they can only keep it from him for so long

w/c & a/n: 3.8k | it's friday again, then saturday, sunday what?

Being Oscar Piastri’s sister was definitely an experience. 

It was amazing travelling with him around the world and seeing so many different cultures. 

Oscar had always been protective over you, since you were little kids. Though you were both quiet and shy, he wouldn’t stand for someone mistreating you, or making you feel like you were any less than him. 

You had never actually met your brother's teammate, Lando. You tried your best to avoid the paddock. Large crowds of people made you nervous and you preferred to watch it from a more secluded area. 

You had heard a lot about him, that he was a partier and very energetic, but just from that you were sure you too wouldn’t make good friends. 

Up until now, you hadn’t planned on meeting him, but now you see a message from Oscar telling you to come to the garage with Lily tomorrow to officially meet the team.

You felt your stomach squeeze, what would they think of you? You didn’t fit into their chaos, and what if you made a fool of yourself, or if something went wrong? 

You didn’t get much time to stress about it, because a second message from your brother appeared. It reads, “Stop worrying, everything will be great, they’ll love you. Lily will be there with you too.” Of course, he follows that up with a thumbs up emoji.  You roll your eyes, classic Oscar. 

Though his message did help relax your nerves slightly, Lily was your best friend. Seeing as how you were more of a homebody, you never really got out enough to make friends, and with Lily dating your brother, and she was similar to you, it was like your friendship just fell into place. 

You respond to Oscar saying that you’ll be there and afterwards you quickly message Lily asking if she would come to your hotel room to get ready together, to which she answered with an “Of course!”

The rest of the day flew by with you exploring around the area of your hotel. Tomorrow was the Hungarian Grand Prix, and you were excited to watch the race with the team tomorrow. 

Tomorrow arrives and you wake up and get your morning checklist done with things such as brushing your teeth, showering, and doing some skin care. 

You throw on your robe and slippers just in time to hear a knock at your door. You peek through the peephole and see Lily’s eye up close to the hole on the other side of the door, making you yelp and jump back. 

You open the door to her laughing. “I got you good,” she pokes your cheek and steps in the room, pulling you into a hug. 

“That was not funny, Lily, you nearly gave me a heart attack!” You huff and lock your door. 

She rolls her eyes at your dramatics, “Yeah, yeah. Now, time to get you ready! I’m already dressed but we can do our makeup and hair together,” she grins. 

You sit on your bed, “I don’t think I have anything good to wear,” you sigh. Lily thinks for a moment before going to your suitcase. 

She rummages through it for another minute before jumping up and holds a dress out to you. “This is perfect!” 

You look at her like she’s crazy, “That dress is way too tight! I can’t wear that!”

She tilts her head at you, “Why not?”

“Well, I… It’s not… formal?” You try to think of reasons but she shakes her head. 

“Don’t be silly! You’ll look like a supermodel! Plus, you’re going to meet Lando! Maybe you’ll get along, if you know what I mean,” she winks at you. 

You gasp, cheeks flushing, “Lily! Absolutely not,” you scold. 

“Oh come on! You’ve told me that you found him handsome, and you are more than beautiful, so I don’t see a problem,” she shrugs like it’s obvious. 

“You don’t see a problem? From what I’ve seen, Lando doesn’t really do relationships, and Oscar would kill him,” you cross your arms and look away from her. 

“Well, don’t trust everything you see in the media until you see for yourself, maybe he has a reason. And Oscar would probably be upset at first, but he’d come around.”

You think for a moment before nodding, “Alright, well, enough talking about a made up scenario, let’s get ready before Oscar starts complaining.”

Lily agrees, “Here,” she puts the dress in your hands, “Go put it on.” You look at her for a moment before going over to the bathroom to change. Once it’s on you look at yourself in the mirror, it’s safe to say that you were rather happy with what you saw, maybe Lily was right.

You step out and she gasps, clapping her hands. “I knew it! You already look heaven-sent, and we haven't even done hair or makeup,” she beams at you. 

You blush, “Thank’s Lily.” She then tells you to follow her as you two go to the vanity. “We can do you first, but I want to do it.”

“Go ahead,” she smiles and sets up your speaker to play the playlist you made together. You first blow dry her hair and straighten it like how she requested. Then you clip it back and begin doing her makeup, she usually didn’t put on much, so it didn’t take long to finish up. 

“Voilà!” You spin her chair around, “Gorgeous.”

She nods in approval, “It looks great! Your turn!” She jumps out of the chair excitedly. She starts by drying your hair, and then puts some of the oils you use to make your hair smooth, shiny, and soft. She then goes in with a hair curler and does it just enough so that they are very loose and just add some volume. 

Next Lily spins your chair to face her as she does your makeup, somehow doing a very detailed process that you didn’t even know how to do. “When did you become a makeup professional?”

She smiles, “Since I had such a stunning client.” 

“You flatter me too much,” you giggle. She finishes soon after and spins you. 

You blink for a moment, “Wow, Lily, you outdid yourself!” You look at some different angles of yourself in the mirror, “Thank you!” 

“Before we head out, do you want to put on your jewelry while I find you some shoes?”

“Yes, please.” You go to and put on your gold necklaces, rings, earrings, and bracelets. You loved having a lot of jewelry on, you felt an outfit was never complete without it. You quickly spray on your perfume and head back towards Lily, who was holding out a pair of short heels that perfectly complemented the dress. 

You take them and thank her while putting them on. 

She checks her phone, “Time to go! Oscar is waiting in the lobby,” she shows you his text. You shut off the lights and step out of the room, making sure it's locked before heading down where your brother was waiting. 

“Hi, Osc,” you smile and pull him into a tight hug, “are you excited for today? I have a good feeling about it.” 

He brightens, “I am, and I’m excited for you to meet the team!” You let go of him and he hugs Lily next, kissing her head before telling you both to follow him. 

About twenty minutes pass before you arrive at the paddock, your nerves come back seeing all the people, but Lily just puts a comforting hand on your arm. 

Some people take pictures of the three of you on your way to the McLaren garage, but you pay no mind to them and instead focus on your brother who gives you comforting smiles. 

You arrive after a few more minutes and Zak greets Oscar with a pat on the back. “Oscar! Who’s our special guest today,” the man says looking at you. 

“This is my sister, she’s been to the races just too shy to come here,” he chuckles. 

“Oscar,” you drag his name out in a now shy mumble, looking down at the ground, your face now turning pink.

Zak senses your discomfort, “No worries! We’re happy to have you, really,” he smiles at you holding out his hand to shake. 

You look up and feel yourself untense at his kindness, you shake his hand and he pats it before telling you he has to go and that it was nice to meet you. 

Oscar happily introduces you to some of the engineers and mechanics, who you had some longer conversations with. Many compliment you and seem genuinely interested, which makes you feel a lot more comfortable. 

Now you were walking with Oscar and Lily towards the lounge area, where you would be staying to watch the race. 

However you see a blur of papaya and your eyes widen a little as you realize it’s Lando rushing past you all. Though he doesn’t get very far before Oscar calls out to him, “Lando! Come meet my sister!”

Lando turns around and his eyes get wide as he looks at you. Oscar beckons him over with a hand wave and Lando starts to make his way to you all - his eyes never leaving yours - when he trips. 

Luckily he saved himself but now as he stood in front of you, cheeks and ears bright red, he seemed to forget how to speak.

“Lando?” Oscar tries. Lando seemed to have not heard him and you looked around trying to avoid the Brits eyes. “Hellooo, mate,” Oscar snaps his fingers in front of his face, narrowing his eyes at the way Lando was looking at you. 

That seems to grab his attention because now Lando turned to look at him. “Oh! H-hey, uh- the floor’s a little, uh, wobbly, you know, uhm, tripped me there,” he laughs nervously, looking embarrassed. 

He could slap himself. 

First he trips and humiliates himself in front of the most beautiful girl he’s ever laid eyes on, and now he’s said the floor is wobbly. 

What an idiot. 

Lily smiles and looks at you, who’s flustered from his gaze, and then she looks at him blushing while glancing at you, “The floor is wobbly?” she asks. 

Lando looks down at his hand, “Uh, y-yeah, they should probably fix that. So.. you’re Oscar's sister?”

You nod, “Yeah. It’s nice to meet you,” you look at the boy in front of you, now seeing him up close you realize he’s hotter than the cameras capture.  

Oscar looks back and forth between you two, “Yeah… I don’t like this. We’re going to the lounge now. Bye, Lando.”

Lily smacks his arm but he starts walking away. You sigh and give Lando a small smile before following him. Lando’s eye’s followed your back, maybe a little lower, as you walked away. 

Lily stayed just long enough that she caught his gaze and heard a quiet “Wow,” while leaving. 

Oscar won the race. 

You swore your throat was going to be sore from your excited screams, and your makeup must have been smudged from how much you were crying, but none of that mattered right now. 

Once Oscar makes it back to where you are you jump into his arms and squeeze him, crying on his shoulder. “I’m so so proud of you!” you somehow manage to say in between sobs. 

He hugs you back tightly, “Thank you,” he whispers. 

The next race was Belgium and you were back in the garage before the race. You were sitting with Lily when Lando came over and sat in front of you. “Hello. I promise I won’t embarrass myself this time,” he smiles at you.

“Hi, Lando. What are you doing here?” you ask him and Lily nods her head at him in greeting. 

“I’m here to, uh…” he pauses for a moment, his confidence leaving him, “get your number?”

You laugh, “Is that a question?” Lily excuses herself and you glare at her. 

“Um, yes? Or no- wait, no, you don’t have to, I just-” Lando stumbles over his words. You found it cute, he wasn’t like what you had expected of him. You thought he would be rather cocky and stuck up, but you were pleasantly surprised. 

You cut him off by handing him your phone, the contacts app pulled up for him to put in his number, “Here.” 

He looks surprised but takes the phone and puts his number in, making his contact name “Lando :)”. You smile as he hands your phone back, “I like it.”

You found yourself texting him more often, even facetime some nights. You’d become good friends, but you hadn’t told your brother about getting closer to Lando, you know he’d start assuming things. 

Though you did keep Lily up to date with everything, and she promised not to say anything to your brother.

A few weeks later at the Singapore Grand Prix, you were walking in the paddock to meet Lily in the garage when Lando came up from behind you. He takes the sunglasses off of the top of your head and places them on. “Lando!” you laugh as he does some silly poses with them on. 

He grins, “I think they look better on me, no?” You shake your head and reach out to take them off of his face. As you do you notice his eyes were fixed on your lips, making you blush as you put them on yourself. 

He reaches out and fixes a piece of your hair that the wind blew to the other side, “There you go,” his smile softens, “I have to go now, but I’ll see you soon.”

“Sounds good.”

Lando won today's race, and you were overjoyed for him. He’d met you when he was done showering after the celebration. You were currently on your hotel balcony. “Why aren’t you out celebrating with everyone? You did win the race after all,” you ask him looking out at the night sky.

“I don’t want to celebrate with anyone else,” he shrugs. Looking over at you. 

“I’m flattered, that’s really sweet, I didn’t take you as the sappy type,” you smile. Turning your head, you realize just how close you are. 

Lando looks at your eyes for a moment, before his eyes drop. He leans towards you, eyes fluttering, but at the last moment you turn your head to the side. 

He backs up, embarrassed, “I-I’m sorry, did I read this wrong? I though-”

You quickly shake your head, “No! No, Lando. It’s fine, really, you read right, it's just that I don’t know if this is a good idea… Oscar might-”

“I think Oscar is his own person,” Lando says. He takes a strand of your hair and twirls it around his finger, “You, however, are also your own person. I really like you, and I’m pretty sure you like me. If you don’t want-”

You cut him off by pulling his shirt collar down and kissing him. He lets out a surprised sound but quickly reciprocates and kisses you back. You slide your hands up his neck and into his curls, as his hands go around your waist pulling you closer. 

He lets out a pleasant sound when you tug on his hair. 

He feels like he’s dreaming, the taste of you, the scent of your perfume, your hands in his hair, your mouth on his, he thinks he might pass out. He’d never admit it but he had scenarios in his head of how your first kiss would go, but this is better than all of them 

You break apart, breathing heavy and swollen lips. Lando chases your mouth, kissing you once more, “Oscar’s going to kill me,” he whispers against your lips. 

“Maybe. But this is worth it,” you whisper back, kissing him again. 

That night was a turning point for you both. Lando had been almost stuck to your side in the paddock and at events you went to. 

You tried not to display anything that wouldn’t look platonic, but Oscar had suspicions. Especially after he’s seen the love sike look on Lando’s face when he looks at you, or when he would guide you around the garage with a hand on your back.

One time he even entered the lounge where you were sitting with Lando and could have sworn he saw him quickly take his hand off of your thigh.

Lando tried to take every opportunity there was to give you kisses during race weekends. Whether you’d be hiding behind tires or the back of a building. You felt the line between liking him and loving him blur.

He’d also sometimes send you a message if he couldn’t be with you because you were with Oscar. It was usually something like, “Baby, you look way too beautiful, I might crash the car,” and every time it made you blush without fail, which he seemed to take too much pride in.

After another time period passes, people start to question whether you and Lando were friends or dating. Oscar had sent you some articles about it and you tried your best to cover up the stories, which surprisingly worked. 

“I think I want to tell him soon,” you mumble to Lando. You were in your hotel bed, laying on top of him, on the brink of sleep. Your head rested on his chest with one of his hands tracing shapes on your back and the other playing with your hair. 

He pauses for a moment, “Are you sure? I don’t want your relationship with him to get ruined because of me.”

You nod your head, “It won’t, he’ll understand I think. I love you,” you whisper. 

You felt him tense under you, “I-I’m sorry, I don’t know why I-”

He cuts you off, tilting your head towards him to place a soft kiss to your mouth, “I love you, too.”

When you said you wanted to tell your brother, you didn’t plan for it to be like this. You were in a hospital bed after passing out from the heat when you and Lando were going on a walk.

Lando had panicked but was thankful you two had only gotten about a minute's walk away from the car. You hadn’t woken up yet, so he picked up his speed even more on his way to the hospital. 

After some time and medication you woke up to see Lando’s worried expression while he was on the phone with your brother. He was pacing in and out of the room, “Oh! Oscar, I have to go, she just woke up. Yeah. Mhm. Okay. Bye,” he hung up and sat down on the bed. 

“Bloody hell, never do that again baby, you scared me terribly,” he kissed your forehead. “Do you need anything? Water, food, more pillows? Is it too cold in here? I can-”

You put your hand over his mouth, giggling, “I’m alright, thank you, if I need anything I’ll let you know.” Lando seemed pleased with your answer so he nodded. “What did my brother say?”

“Well, he was too worried to ask about why I was with you so he just said he’ll be here soon,” he replies, kissing you gently, in fear of hurting you.

You must be cursed with bad luck today because Oscar came rushing into the room just before Lando could back away. 

Lando feels his stomach drop and Oscar’s mouth opens and he looks between the two of you. 

You watch as your brother’s face goes through about ten different emotions, “You- he- him?! He was just… kissing you.. and… I don’t feel so good…” Lando hops off the bed and catches your brother before he hits the ground. 

Lando places him on the bed, and you would be laughing about the situation but you wanted to wait for your brother to wake up first, which he does after a few more moments. 

“Oscar! Welcome back mate,” Lando pats his head. 

“Get your hand off of me. Why were you kissing my sister,” Oscar glares at the boy. 

“Whatttt?” Lando chuckles nervously, “I think that faint really had you seeing-”

Oscar cuts him off, sitting up, “I know what I saw, and it was disgusting. Now answer my question.”

You sigh, “We’re dating.” Oscar looks away tense, but then he relaxes a little and looks at you with a face as if asking for how long. “For a couple of months now…” you trail off. 

Oscar’s mouth drops, “Months?! Why haven’t either of you told me?”

Lando chews his bottom lip nervously, “We were going to, I swear. But then you were stressed about the constructors championship, and it seemed like each time we planned to something happened, and I-”

Oscar cuts him off, “I don’t like this. She’s my sister and you’re… you.” Lando makes an offended face at that, making you chuckle. “This will take time for me to get used to, and I’m upset that you guys didn’t tell me, but if you’re both really happy I have no right to not support you.”

You go towards your brother and pull him into a tight hug, “Thank you! I love you.”

Oscar rolls his eyes but smiles nonetheless, “Yeah yeah, I love you too.” He looks over your shoulder, narrowing his eyes, “I’m watching you,” he mouths at Lando, making the boy gulp. “You treat her right, understand? Or I’m running you off the track.”

Lando nods, “Of course, I wouldn't dream of otherwise.” 

Though Oscar had accepted you two, it doesn’t mean he wasn’t a little salty. For the next week he would glare at Lando like a child who’s gotten his toy taken away. He can’t be mad for long though, not when he notices how happy you are with him. 

That brings you to now, the final race of the season, Abu Dhabi. There was only one lap left and you were standing outside with the team as you watched Lando finally cross the finish line, winning the constructors championship and his fourth race. 

When Lando finally puts the car in the first place spot, he jumps out and takes his helmet off as he runs towards you. You barely have time to question anything before he’s picking you up over the barrier, and smashing his lips to yours. 

The team hollers around you, wolf whistling and cheering. Cameras flash as well but it’s all a blur to you. You hold Lando just as tightly and kiss him back. Your kiss is unfortunately interrupted by a gagging sound from behind you. 

Oscar looks at you two, “I know I said I supported you but please, I don’t need to see this, I might puke.” 

Lily comes up next to him, “Leave them alone, they’re adorable!” You gratefully smile at her and Oscar lets out a dramatic sigh. 

You laugh and go to hug him, “Sorry. Good race, Oscar, I’m proud of you.” 

He thanks you and walks to Lando, patting him on the back, “Congratulations, mate, you were great.” 

Lando brightens, “Thanks! And we’ll keep the PDA to the minimum.”

Oscar raises an eyebrow, “Really?”

You and Lando glance at each other, shaking your heads and speaking in sync, “Nah.”

[pha55ed]

PR Nightmare Two || F1/F2

type :: crack

tw/cw :: pee (carlos), sexual jokes (charles, oscar), watersports (lando), small smut (lando), mpreg (lando, oscar), bear fucking (ollie), necrophilia (ollie),

contains :: carlos, charles, lando, oscar, max, ollie, paul

summary :: driver!reader is the driver's teammate which is awesome! except the fact that you're a fucking pr disater who can't shut your mouth. platonic or romantic !

xmas celly here! || f1 masterlist || f2 masterlist

Carlos Sainz | 55

After moving to Williams, Carlos was terrified that you and him wouldn't click. But was quickly proven wrong as you were extremely open despite just meeting him. He knew everything about you... Too much...

Yet again, you were trapped in an interview that was seemingly never-ending. This interview was live on Sky Sports, meaning you both had to be extra careful and stay on for much longer than usual. Although Carlos was tired, you weren't. Yapping would have been your full time job if it wasn't for your skills in Formula.

"What is a secret you haven't told each other?" The interviewer asks, expecting something along the lines of 'I ate your ice-cream once' or 'I hate when you wear crocs'. Carlos was going to reply with something similar to that but you quickly jumped in.

"I wanna pee in the ice bath so bad" You said with a desperate tone, as if you were grieving the pain of not being able to bathe in your own piss. Carlos looked at you in shock.

"What?!" He asked, his shock turning to laughter to help cope. "But you never did right...?"

"Of course not holy shit." You say, disgusted he would think so lowly of you. "But I wanna see how my pee would react the muscle-relaxants and ice and shit. Like what if I become the Hulk but yellow-"

Quickly the camera were cut and the live stream ended before you could say more. You ruined an entire live stream with over 20,000 live viewers. From that moment, Carlos knew you two would be perfect together on this team.

Charles Leclerc | 16

Doing small interviews didn't bother Charles that much. He didn't mind talking and his fanbase was lovely. But once you became his new teammate at Ferrari, interviews were now 10 times more fun.

"Did you guys have any embarrassing childhood crushes?" The interviewer asked, finally giving you both non-racing related questions.

"Oh yes!" Charles said, excited to talk about himself. "Definitely Kristen Stewart haha! Not very embarrassing, but I did watch Twilight just for her."

"That's so valid" You said relaxed, "I think mine was probably 9."

Both Charles and the interviewer looked extremely confused. "From what show...?" The interviewer asked, assuming it was something like the Umbrella Academy or Stranger Things.

Now you were confused as well, "Huh? There's no show." You repeated yourself. "9, as in the number... Like the circle and line."

"Oh..." The interviewer said, trying their best to find a way to segway this into the next question but they were cut off by Charles.

"No way," Charles said, "Maybe! MAYBE I could understand the number 8 but 9???" Now the interviewer was completely lost. "At least 8 has curves and a body, what does 9 have?"

"I know he's packin" You said with a grin "That little curved tail, curved UPWARDS? And the-"

Cameras off. Interviewers cutting you off. And Charles was deeply interested... This clip launches your duo name: Eight Eat Nine

Lando Norris | 04

"How are you helping (Y/N) adjust to being a new Papaya!" The interviewer asked innocently. Little did she know how much Lando has been enduring with you. Thankfully he recored it all and there would be a video posted to Youtube soon.

"Awful." Lando says before chuckling, almost more like a nervous break down chuckle. "Every day is hell with em' here."

"What???" The interviewer asked, thinking she got first-hand access to the newest gossip on the grid. "Did something happen?"

"YEAH." Lando said, simply nodding, not having the guts to say what you did. Thankfully, but not very thankfully to Lando, you walked into the interview after overhearing it.

"Yeah, what DID I do?" You ask, almost sounding threatening. "Don't make me show you again."

After weeks passed and rumors were rampant online. Rumors about you blackmailing him, overthrowing his family's business, kicking him out of Mclaren, and so so many more extreme rumors that you both were laughing at. Lando finally edited and posted his newest Youtube video: "Reading Fanfiction with (Y/N)!?"

Despite the thumbnail seeming like you two would be reading fan-fiction shipping you both together, instead, you found the most vile, borderline dark content, gay fics of Lando with a variety of drivers.

Thus, explaining the odd dynamic between you two. In reality, you both were perfectly fine and closer than ever. But you just wanted to play up the drama in order to rack up some views and tweets. It was awful for the PR team, but to you guys: it was funny.

Oscar Piastri | 81

oscarpiastri: got a tan and a new helmet: ready to destroy the next half of the 25' season! @.mclaren

→ yourusername: finish taking that shirt off. now.

→ yourusername: take off your pants too while your at it.

⎯→ user 01: OH MY GOD (Y/N)?????? UNDER A MCLAREN TAGGED POST TOO????

→ user 02: they're never ever going to beat the dating accusations

⎯→ yourusername: we're about to be dating once he comes home

→ user 03: thought i was a freak but (y/n)... u can have him

→ yourusername: my lovely wonder-bread, bend over for me.

⎯→ user 04: i thought this was a joke about his name sounding like pastry but she's just calling him white, isnt she

⎯→ user 05: that's her precious white chocolate delight

→ yourusername: gonna get ur fine ass pregnant

→ yourusername: raw. next question.

⎯→ user 06: i can't tell if she's tiktok typa horny or tumblr typa horny

⎯→ user 07: definitely tumblr...

No image. I'm not searching this shit up again.

Max Verstappen | 01

Tiktok is something Max tries to stay away from. Not that he hates the app, he'd just rather do something else with his time. But you, the newest and youngest driver on the grid, loved Tiktok. You were basically the marketing for Redbull despite your out of pocket videos at times.

And that included you coming up with the idea to have Max react to fans posts. An innocent idea that Max didn't mind filming content for, after all, he loved his fans. But you quickly were going to make him doubt that.

You were smart, showing him innocent tiktoks first. Fan art, cool edits, and even analysis on his best drives. As the video was coming to an end, you brought up the trend where drivers were compared to a food and a quote.

Often times Max was compared to a key lime pie, bell pepper, or an energy drink. But you then showed him THE strawberry slideshow. You knew what the ending was.

"Oh strawberry!" Max said, excited to finally get a sweet themed item. But as he swiped and saw the strawberries then coated with white chocolate, obviously implying something, he jumped back and gasped. "OH!!! Well, I didn't... I didn't expect that."

While you were dying, already posting it - he was traumatized.

Oliver Bearman | 87

Interviews were fun between you both, fans always loved it. Mainly because both of you can't keep your mouth shut. The only way to make your interviews even worse is to get Franco to join in with you guys.

But unlike Ollie's sassy comments, you asked stupid questions. Butt fuck stupid questions. Which Ollie always took serious. Think of Tom Holland answering the question about him "faking" being British or Theo Von's podcast vibes. It was the dumb American x understanding Brit duo.

So when you both were forced to create a "podcast" for Prema, aka a race preview, you both took full advantage of this time. You were supposed to be just folding laundry, but almost nothing got folded. It was just yapping and yapping.

"I got a question," You say, attempting to fold a shirt but doing awful at it.

"Hmm?" Ollie replied, picking up the shirt you just folded and undoing it. Only to fold it properly himself.

"Why is your name Bearman?" You ask. "Cause like, I know British people got like, My Little Pony names. Like how people named Smith's were blacksmiths and stuff."

"Oh well," Ollie paused to think, "I dunno actually. It's from my great grandpa so."

"Did he fuck a bear or something?" You ask, nonchalantly while Ollie instantly is confused. "Cause lowkey, back in the day I bet Bearman was a slur."

"No..." Ollie hesitated, "I highly doubt my grandpa fucked a bear. I think we probably just hunted bears-"

"So you're a family of necrophiles?" You shake your head, "That's just wrong man."

"I never said that-"

Paul Aron | 17

paularon_: Went for a run, in Italy, with a film camera🇮🇹🎥

→ yourusername: is it say yes to the dress or say yes to the SLUT???

→ yourusername: is this your soft launch for your only fans?

⎯→ user 01: i'd so buy it tbh

→ yourusername: pepemartiofficial kimi.antonelli olliebearman jakcrawford_ zane.maloney isackhadjar dennis_hauger

⎯→ paularon_: why are you @ ing the whole grid

⎯→ yourusername: to slut shame you

→ pepemartiofficial: did you lose your shirt over the summer?

→ olliebearman: go eat a burger (save somes baddies for the rest of us)

→ jakcrawford_: we get it, ur buff with a huge dick

⎯→ user 02:: how do u know that…

⎯→ yourusername: I can vouch for

→ isackhadjar: put a bra on slut

⎯→ yourusername: I don’t even think mines will fit him

[miyukisu]

NSFW Alphabet | Sae Itoshi .ᐟ

❤︎ | Get to know Sae Itoshi from A to Z~ ╰ feat. sae itoshi x afab! reader

minors do not interact

[A] Aftercare Decent. Bare minimum. Not over the top. At the very least he would wipe you down and clean you up without expecting you to move an inch. He'll even guide you to the bathroom if you plan to shower together (there are times when he carries you, but that's reserved for days when he REALLY goes all out on you). You have to specifically request for things if you want him to do it. Otherwise, that's all you're getting.

[B] Body Part Sae's canonically into ass. But it's important to note that he cares more about shape rather than size. He'll subtly ogle at your ass even in broad daylight, especially if you're wearing tight clothes that showcase it. On himself, however, he's aware of how nice his thighs look. Sometimes he'll pass by a full-length body mirror in just his boxers and he'll stand there for a minute to admire his legs. Partially, this is why he enjoys working out his legs.

[C] Cum Cums a lot, but not thick. It's more on the translucent side. He maintains a healthy diet so you can expect the taste to be bearable. Of course, he likes to release on your ass, but sometimes it gets on to your back as well. It's a sight he never gets tired of.

[D] Dirty Secret Even with his partner, he would hate to admit that he likes taking nude pictures of himself. It's not like he's going to send them out or that he gets off to it; he's no narcissist. But there's just something inexplicable about doing it. He'll snap a few, look at them, then delete them. He isn't sure why. But if you're into receiving nudes, he'll gladly comply (that is, if you've been together long enough).

[E] Experience Despite his good looks, it's surprising to know that he hasn't done it with a lot of people. He only does it with someone he's in a relationship with and even that rarely happens. He's a busy person and it takes longer for him to develop trust for anyone compared to the normal person. But you could say that he's a natural. He can make you cum at least a couple of times through instinct alone.

[F] Favorite Position He has a hard time picking between plain ol' doggy and reverse cowgirl. See any similarities? Yeah, both positions just give him a nice view of your behind. It allows him to grope, squeeze, and slap it any time he wants. He particularly likes watching it jiggle at every hard thrust that he does. Although, he might prefer doggy a little more as he can have most of the control in that position. But it's trivial to pick. He'll just have you in both positions each time you decide to do it anyway.

[G] Goofy The man doesn't smile, let alone laugh, during sex. It's not that he's not enjoying it, but he doesn't find the act to be humorous at all. He finds it weird to call it "fun". He'd rather describe it as passionate and intense which is why he's serious. However, there are VERY rare moments when he cracks a small smile, but it only happens in highly emotional moments (like your first time having sex as a married couple, for example).

[H] Hair He trims it, but not for sexual purposes. He's an extremely hygienic man, so he does it out of self-care. In reality, he doesn't care too much about what their partner thinks of his hair. If they like it; then great. If they don't; they can deal with it. Besides, he doesn't care about his partner's hair. He'll take whatever's waiting for him down there. He'll never go fully bald because he finds it odd. He'll trim it a bit regularly and that's about it.

[I] Intimacy A very passionate lover; that's for sure. As I've mentioned, he finds the act to be something serious. He'll only do it with you out of love and care. So even if he doesn't outwardly seem like a romantic person in bed, he definitely is. He likes to keep it fair in the bedroom. So if he's enjoying, you should be enjoying it just as much as he is. Although, he doesn't speak much, but he'll call you "Amor" sometimes. Sae will whisper that name in your ear gently.

[J] Jack Off As you might expect, he doesn't do it a lot. For one, he's too busy doing or thinking about something else. It's something that he can only think about doing when he's lying in bed at night with a blank mind. Sae mostly does it out of frustration—if he wants to release pent up emotions without lashing out on someone else. He's quick and likes to get the job done as fast as he can. Can you blame him? It relaxes him after all. Though, he isn't immune to temptation either. If you send him jack off material, he'll gladly use it.

[K] Kink Sae discovered it a bit late, but he likes brat taming. He doesn't even know that it's a thing. He just knows that he likes putting disobedient girls in their places. He'll act annoyed or pissed off at your insolence, but deep down, he's craving that you do it more. Something about feeling that his authority is being challenged, excites him. Of course, it adds some spice to your bedroom activities. But maybe it has to do with him proving to you over and over again that he's the one in control—he's the one holding the reigns. He especially loves it when you eventually become obedient in the end. But keep being a tease; he eats it up.

[L] Location Anywhere as long as it's inside the house/apartment/hotel. He likes the privacy and comfort that those places offer. He can't be bothered to think about the possibility of getting caught. As thrilling as it might be, he has a reputation to uphold. The impending PR work is not worth the orgasm, at least for him. He also would hate to do it in a place that would force you into a weird position. At least at home there's a bed, a couch, a chair, or a counter for you to use. Again, he's a hygienic guy, so the dirty outdoors is a huge no for him.

[M] Motivation First of all, he has to be either extremely relaxed or incredibly frustrated—there is no in between. But once either condition is met, it's not that hard to get him in the mood. In fact, he likes to hear how eager you are. Simply asking him if he wants to do it would be more than enough. Even better if you express how much you've been needing him throughout the day or week. There are times when he initiates things, but that usually happens when you're already touching each other (like while cuddling). You'll know because he'll grind his hard on against you or deliberately take your hand and place it there.

[N] No Anything extreme is off the table for him. In many ways, he's quite vanilla. The farthest he'll go would be a little bit of bondage and usage of toys. But if there's extreme pain, blood, piss, and things beyond that involved—consider him out.

[O] Oral Again, he likes to keep things pretty equal, so likes both giving and receiving. Although, you might notice that he'll go at your pussy first before letting you suck him off. It gets him into the momentum apparently. Plus, most of the time, he already gets you to cum from his tongue alone. You swear that he gets better each time he does it. You can never last long since he likes to suck on the clit, oop. When you suck him off, he'll tangle his fingers in your hair and guide you lightly. He lets you do your thing, pretty much. The only exception is when he's really stressed out—expect him to tug at your hair a little harder then.

[P] Pace He usually likes it slow and sensual. Sex is the only time he feels relaxed and in control of his time. Why would he want to rush it? The atmosphere also feels different for him when he goes slow. Furthermore, Sae uses this as a way to observe you properly—which spots to hit, which points to stimulate at the same time, and so on. It gets him off knowing that he can get better and better at providing pleasure. Consider it as part of his ego as well. He might take it slow, but there are definitely moments when he pounds you hard and steady. The type of pounding that needs you to hold on for dear life or else you'll fall.

[Q] Quickie Not really a fan of it. But it's not like he would never do it. Sae will only resort to quickies when absolutely necessary. Those kinds of situations are mostly when both of your schedules are packed and there is literally not enough time to have proper sex. That or when both of you feel incredibly frustrated and nothing else will satiate you but each other. Another reason why he doesn't do this as much is that it leaves him wanting more. He hates feeling like a needy idiot, so he avoids quickies as much as he can.

[R] Risk He'll try anything not-so-extreme at least once, especially if you ask him nicely. Though he has shown interest in experimenting in bondage a bit, more specifically, in shibari. It's a bit intricate and it might hurt you a bit if not done right, but if you're willing to share that risk with him—he's game. From the Sae perspective, I'd say a risky thing that he does is whispering things in your ear he wouldn't normally say. He just likes to keep you on your toes and the way you clench down on him is just way too good. Besides, you'll most likely forget he said it anyway because he fucks you dumb most of the time.

[S] Stamina His endurance and stamina in general are certainly well-trained, but he is just a man. His dick needs to recuperate at its own pace. Maybe he can last two rounds for the most part, but there are days when he can only last for one. But it's not much of an issue. In that one round, he can last for so long. He can take advantage of that time and make you cum over and over again. Besides, even if you've milked him for the time being, he can still go at it with his mouth and fingers. You'll never catch him breathless after a few measly minutes.

[T] Toys He doesn't own any. He feels silly spending money on such things and using it on himself. But if it's for you; he'll gladly spend as much as he needs. He just doesn't see the appeal of using it on himself. Pocket pussies? Cock rings? Seems a bit ridiculous to him. But if you happen to own a vibe or two, he'll definitely use it. There's no harm in heightening your pleasure anyway. He's also chill with a bit of bondage rope and handcuffs. He's a bit iffy about using dildos though. Maybe it's because of his pride, but what's the use of it when you can have his dick instead?

[U] Unfair He's a tease without even trying. The snarky remarks that he makes comes out of his mouth naturally. "Oh, you're cumming again? You're too easy," and he'll say it with a straight face. Sometimes when you do ask him to fuck you faster, he'll ignore you on purpose. The man wants to hear you beg so nicely for him after being such a brat earlier. Although, he's surprisingly less of a tease as you'd expect.

[V] Volume Mostly grunts and groans. He claims that you will never hear him whimper, so of course, you make it your life's purpose to get him to whimper. It has yet to happen. And he does find it amusing that you think that you can make THE Sae Itoshi whimper like a bitch. Aside from that, the sounds he makes aren't so loud. He makes sure the grunts near your ear, containing it there. BUT, a little quirk of his is that he lets out a long sigh once he cums. It just feels so relieving that he can't help it anymore.

[W] Wild Card He thinks he'd bust right away sometimes whenever you stare up at him while you suck him off. Seeing you servicing him so eagerly while on your knees does things to his brain. It makes his ego swell like insane. "You're such a good girl, amor. You love me alot, don't you?" He'll wipe away the tears that threaten to fall because your jaw's so stretched out. Sae knows you're struggling a bit, but hang on for now and he'll reward you plenty afterwards.

[X] X-ray Not that girthy, but loooooong. He has quite a pretty dick, especially since he keeps it neat down there as well. It doesn't curve that much, but it is quite veiny. You can see the veins because of his pale complexion. There's one particularly thick vein that feels the best when rubbing against your walls. He's also cut, so you know that he has a light pink tip. Definitely a shower.

[Y] Yearning He's definitely more inclined to have sex than jacking off. That's because he'll actually make time for it. Sae will find ways to clear up his schedule or at least have more time with you—to have sex and to do things other than sex, of course. It's an odd, but helpful, trait of his that he can easily match the libido of his partner. Unless if his partner has an insanely high libido, then you'd probably have to find even ground. But again, it's not hard to get him into the mood. So if you initiate or ask him, more often than not—he'll get down and dirty with you in a heartbeat.

[Z] Zzz He doesn't fall asleep right away because, A) he needs to clean up and take care of you, and B) he just isn't tired enough. Don't get him wrong—good pussy pushes him to the edge, but being well-trained just helps him to not pass out immediately after busting. However, he will fall asleep right away once you're all cleaned up and the bed (which presumably got drenched) is all tidied up. Once you're sleeping soundly in his arms, he'll let himself be consumed by slumber as well.

❤︎ Overall: Sae's quite a good lover in that he puts effort and meaning into sex and that he's constantly improving. He genuinely cares about making it an activity both of you enjoy. 10/10 experience.

©kzyluvr do not repost/reupload/translate any of my works on other platforms

╰ author's note Actually a bit terrified that I might have butchered Sae Itoshi in this one

[thebibliosphere]

Hope this isn't offensive (feel free to ignore if it is) but what illnesses do you have? I always see very detailed posts from you about different types of hyperspecific injuries or illnesses and I was wondering if you're just super well informed or have all of them.

Which is very helpful and cool for people who need the info, and I'm sorry if you are experiencing all those.

Oh, Christ. Right this is going to be a lot 😅

Conditions I have been diagnosed with as of 2024:

Ehlers Danlos Syndrome

Mast Cell Activation Syndrome

Dysautonomia/POTS/autonomic failure (they all mean a similar thing. I just have them all listed in my file because no one can decide what I actually have beyond “nervous system broke”)

Chronic Migraines

Hemiplegic Migraines

Cluster Headaches

Cranial Instability (caused by my EDS + neck injuries)

Trigeminal neuralgia

Occipital Neuralgia (caused by the cranial instability)

Binocular Vision Disorder

PMDD (likely linked to the MCAS)

Probably endometriosis but it’s unconfirmed.

Interstitial cystitis (definitely caused by the MCAS)

GERD (a symptom of my MCAS)

Pernicious Anemia (likely linked to the EDS and MCAS. I don’t absorb nutrients from my food as well as I should which is common when MCAS damages the GI tract.) which lead to hemolytic anemia in 2019 aka the “Almost Died For Real” year.

ADHD.

cPTSD

Dysthymia or “double depression”

“Probable ME/CFS” is in my file, but with everything else going on chronic and debilitating fatigue is pretty much unavoidable so my doctors are like 🤷🤷‍♀️

I had an intestinal perforation a few years ago that lead to severe diverticulitis that took about a year and a half to heal, but that’s healed now save for the occasional bout of nerve pain.

Uuuh… I think that’s it… (wait and see my spouse/friends chiming in with “you forgot about x”)

So yeah.

Chances are if you see me talking about it, I have it. I do sometimes talk about other conditions that I’ve learned about over the years of navigating my own stuff, but I will always defer to the lived experiences of others when it comes to their own conditions.

It’s a lot to deal with. Most of it links back to the MCAS/EDS/Autonomic failure.

Or as we like to call it: the generic trifecta of bullshit.