#which would make sense if we weren't mutuals anymore

[rotisseries]

just realized 3 people I was mutuals with have unfollowed me and I'm trying not to overthink it lol

[personasintro]

Mutual Help | #14

𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭: @kithtaehyung

↳ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; in order for you to pretend to be his girlfriend, he helps you with your sexual desires ⏤ he calls it mutual help

⇢ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: jungkook x reader

⇢ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fake dating au, fluff, angst, smut, slow burn

⇢ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: explicit language, mature content

⇢ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 6.9k+

⇠ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯. | 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 ⇢ 

The front door is shut with Jungkook's leg, his hands too busy fiddling with your dress as he tries to feel you up through the red material. Your mouths are occupied with kissing each other, tingling from the amazing sensation.

You're not quite sure how this all started.

One minute you were stressing over Hoseok on the way to Jungkook's home, whispering furiously to him so the driver couldn't hear you. The next your pretended boyfriend assured you Hoseok won't be a trouble anymore, shutting you with his mouth before you followed his slow but intense kisses.

"We're in a cab, Kook." you reminded him as soon as he pulled away, not too much though. Just enough to catch a breath before he went for another kiss.

"Relax, he's probably seen a lot worse." he said, not giving you a chance to respond or protest. And you went with it, because your dignity wasn't as important as Jungkook's lips were.

The only time when you weren't kissing was when the driver pulled in front of Jungkook's apartment building, while he paid him and helped you to get out of the car. When he did, his hand stayed placed on your lower back as he ushered you inside. Those five minutes in front of the elevator were intense, you both wondering who's going to make the first move. But as soon as that elevator door opened and you stepped in, Jungkook clicked the button on his floor before you both threw yourselves at each other. Your back collided with the elevator wall and you gasped, giving him a perfect opportunity to sneak his tongue in.

And here you are now.

"Jungkook," you whisper, feeling his breath ghosting against your neck.

"Hm?" he hums, sucking your skin there, the tips of his fingers grazing over your exposed thigh.

"I want you." you mumble, nails tracing his exposed collarbones as you wish he'd just take off the goddamn shirt, so you could see his perfectly tanned and soft skin.

"I want you too." he admits, your heart clenching at those words. It's something how he says it, so effortlessly and honestly. He makes you feel wanted without even realizing it.

He dives back for a kiss, tongue swiping across your bottom lip just to bite down on it. Not too harsh, just enough to make you groan both in surprise and lust. You can taste the little of alcohol he had on his lips, and you're certain your own match to his. Surprisingly, you sobered a bit during the ride, whether it was a shock of Jungkook kissing you in a cab where the driver just pretended he didn't hear your lips smooching against each other, or simply of you getting some fresh air.

Although, you're choosing the first reason.

"I want you to fuck me." you say bluntly, staring at his doe and dark eyes which soaks into your own.

His throat bobs at your words, bottom lip clutched between his teeth before he lets it go. "I wanna fuck you too," he says, "But are you sure? We both drank a bit."

Your senses are a little bit slowed down and if it weren't for Jungkook's mouth, your movements would be way lazier than they're now. But you're nowhere near drunk, knowing exactly what you want. And that is Jungkook fucking you.

"Do I look drunk?"

"No," he answers, but still making sure he keeps his eyes on you, checking your expression. "You're cutely affected by alcohol."

Giggling, you shake your head at him, seeing his mouth spreading to a wide grin. "What does that even mean?"

He takes a step closer to you, caging you between the wall and his body again. You can smell his cologne, wondering how he can smell so amazing after hours of being at the wedding and dancing. He clutches your jaw, surprising you by his rough movements as he turns your head to the side, exposing your neck to him. And you expect him to kiss you there, but he doesn't.

"That means," he starts, licking his bottom lip which you failed to see. "that you've stopped drinking just at the right time. Otherwise, I don't think I'd fuck you if you were drunk, especially if it's our first time."

Our first time.

This man is trying to ruin you, and he's completely clueless about it.

"So, are you planning to do it or are you just going to talk about it?" you ask, almost whimpering when his hold on your jaw tightens. He presses his nose against your jaw, inhaling as he chuckles.

"Keep talking and you're going to regret it."

Your core clenches, breath hitching which he hasn't failed to notice.

"Or what?" you press, stomach bubbling with anticipation of what his answer might be.

"Don't tempt me, sweetheart."

"I think I'll risk it." you smirk, amused by those darkened eyes that gives you an intimidating look, sending a rush of shivering down your spine but you don't let it show.

Provoking Jungkook has always been fun. Well, you never really provoked him in this kind of situation. But you find yourself feeling much more thrill and fun doing it now. You want to push his buttons, see what kind of exact person he is when he's clouded with lust and excitement. You managed to see a tiny bit of his dominating persona during the time when he went down on you. Maybe it's the natural curiosity that's rooted deeply inside of you, but you just can't wait to see him during sex. He seems like a person who likes to handle others, showing them what he's capable of. Just the thought of him being rough with you makes your legs tremble. Again.

The growl that erupts from Jungkook's throat is unexpected, before you're being turned around by his rough hands, chest colliding with the cold wall of his corridor. He pushes himself against you, hands groping your ass as your own are sprawled against the plain white wall. He gives you a perfect opportunity to feel his hardening length against the black slacks he wears. Your bottom lip is caged between your teeth, a single memory of his cock in your mouth makes you salivate, and it leaves you whimpering.

"I told you not to tempt me," he spits, lips brushing against your right ear. "But you like to disobey just for the sake of your fun, don't you?" he chuckles, but it's not one of those cute and bubbly ones he usually makes. This one's dark, low and amused at the same time.

You've seen so many different sides of Jungkook, but you barely get to see this one. Which is understandable, he's your best friend after all. Best friend who you have never had any sexual encounters with before. But this is different. This is like the same Jungkook you know, but he's like another person at the same time. It's confusing.

"Jungkook," you whimper, pushing your ass against his bulge causing him to chuckle at you.

"Are you being a needy slut for me?" he asks, letting the question settle into the air as he waits for your response.

He tenses behind you, maybe in fear that he crossed the line with you by calling you a slut. You're surprised yourself, and you never liked the whole degrading thing or someone calling you a bitch for pleasure. However, even though he just called you a slut, there wasn't an ounce of actual seriousness or that he meant it literally, despite how serious he sounded.

Just when a whiny and breathless 'yes' leaves your mouth, it's just enough for him to relax and continue with what he started. The tips of his fingers brush against your thigh, hiking up the dress as his hand disappears underneath it. Your whole body shivers automatically, leaving you speechless of how lack of control you've got over your body.

He traces the hem of your lacy panties, humming in appreciation and before you can dwell on how it sends another set of shivers down your spine, he's hooking finger exactly where your clothed heat is. Your body jumps backwards when he touches your clit, tracing your wet heat with gentle and slow movements. Your ass hits his hardening bulge, and this time you get to feel it more prominent and hardened. This turns him on exactly like it does to you.

He groans, teeth nibbling on your shoulder before he circles your clit. "So nice and wet. All for me, baby?"

Your heat clenches, desperate to feel something inside of you. All you can think of is how Jungkook's cock is going to feel inside of you. Is it going to hurt? You remember how you barely took him in your mouth, feeling the corners of your mouth being stretched for a couple of more minutes after you were done. Not that you regret it, it was worth every second.

When the palm of Jungkook's hand meets your ass cheek, you gasp into the wall. He doesn't have to say anything for you to understand what it was for.

"Yes, all for you." you confirm, voice slightly shaking.

Gasping, you moan right after he enters you with one finger kissing your shoulder. He slowly pulls out, before he enters you with slow strokes leaving you gasping all over again. He adds another one, praising you for being a good girl. You clench around him and he chuckles, but doesn't comment on it.

"That's it, gotta stretch you out." he says, voice raspier than before as he adds another one.

He's stretching you more than at the beginning, and you can feel the stretch slightly burn but it doesn't feel bad. You take his fingers well, clenching around his fingers no matter how many times he tells you to relax. You can't, it feels to good and if he continues with the slow strokes, you're cumming soon.

As if he could sense that, he slaps you with his other hand, chuckling when you moan out loud. It's almost too loud, but there's no time to be embarrassed over the fact you like being spanked. He curls his fingers, circling your clit with a thumb while he palms the sensitive flesh of your ass.

"So dirty, I didn't know you love to be spanked so much." he muses, an amused tone laced in his raspy voice.

If your mind weren't clouded with so much lust and eagerness to reach your end, you'd roll your eyes at him and tell him to fuck off. It's nice to know your thoughts are still the same, even when he's fingers deep inside of you.

The feeling of how perfect the pace is isn't long lasting, especially when he picks up his pace and pumps you with his fingers much more eagerly. He praises you each time he thrusts them into you, mainly calling you a good girl or baby.

A simple 'fuck' leaves Jungkook's mouth when he feels you clenching even more, tightening around his three long digits. But still, he manages to keep up the pace just the same, bringing you closer to your end. Just as you feel like that's it, you're cumming, it fades with a snap of fingers in a second. The amazing burn nestled in your womb and between your legs is long forgotten, a sigh of disappointment coming from you in response. It takes you a few seconds to understand what has just happened.

Jungkook pulled out his fingers, causing you to slowly turn around with flushed cheeks and an irritated expression which is understandable. But the young man just grins, slowly bringing his fingers into his mouth as he tastes you.

You gasp, staring at him with mouth agape as his eyes don't leave you.

"Mhm," he almost moans, tongue swirling against his fingers before he pulls them out with a soft pop.

"Why would you stop?" you ask breathlessly.

"I told you not to tempt me. Consider this as your punishment." he shrugs, lips twitching with a hidden smirk which you clearly notice as you huff a breath of annoyance.

"Are you serious?"

Punishments. You never talked about that. Plus, you thought your punishment was him manhandling you and spanking your ass. Now that you think about it, it doesn't make sense.

"Absolutely." he answers confidently.

"But I was about to cum!" you exclaim, not believing he just cut off your orgasm like that. It's called betrayal!

"Oh, I know. I could feel you tightening."

Instead of feeling embarrassed by his blunt words, and the fact your best friend says them to you, you're more annoyed. You were so close. You could feel how bomb orgasm that would be. But no, Jeon Jungcock decides to change that just for pure fun and punishment.

"Whatever. I'll just take care of myself then." you huff once again, making sure he gets a perfect glimpse of your pissed off expression.

You're ready to walk away from him, planning to bump into his shoulder just to emphasize your annoyance. But before you can even take another step, he's grabbing your wrists and pulls you closer to him.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asks lowly, eyes boring into yours.

You don't let it phase you, although you can't feel your heart jumping at the sudden intimidating tone and look.

"To take care of myself. Since someone decided to punish me." Okay, that was kind of petty but you're pissed.

It pisses you even more when Jungkook snorts, his serious facade cracking as he starts to laugh at you. "Awh, are you mad baby?"

"Don't call me baby. You don't get that privilege anymore." you murmur, causing him to laugh again.

"And what privilege do I get?" he challenges you, cocking his brow at you.

"You can stand behind the door and listen to my moans." you answer dryly, knowing very well that you're not able to make yourself cum just using your fingers. It just won't work for you.

"As tempting as it sounds, I'd rather fuck you." he tells you, slowly reaching for your face before he kisses you. And you let him.

Your lips tingle from the rough kisses he delivers, making sure you feel his want and need towards you. Mind still twirling over the fact he said he wants to fuck you, and no matter how many times he has already said it, it bursts that bubble of arousal inside of you. Maybe it's because you haven't had sex for so long, or maybe because you haven't been touched this way — ever.

It should be weird you're so turned on over your best friend touching you this way, wanting to fuck you. But you're not. All you can think of is how amazing he's going to feel once he's inside of you. Jungkook swallows your every breath, before he's forced to pull away.

Smirking at you, he interweaves your fingers as he leads you towards his bedroom. You take that time to admire his muscular back and broad shoulders, the white shirt doing his body justice, not that he needs it.

Jungkook pushes the door from his bedroom open, leading you straight towards his bed as he turns around before he spins you, gently pushing you down his bed.

You help in surprise, giggling when your body funnily bounces, causing the corner of his lips to turn upwards as a soft chuckle leaves his mouth. He starts to loosen his red tie, eyes focused on you the entire time meanwhile you gulp at the filthy sight in front of you.

Fuck, how can somebody be so hot?

Plopping yourself on your elbows, you watch him taking the tie off but he doesn't throw it like you expect him to. It stays in his hands for a few seconds, twirling it between his fingers as he looks through his cocked brow at you. He tosses it at the end of the mattress, before starting to unbutton his shirt.

Licking your lips, you shamelessly watch him and almost disappointedly whine when he doesn't unbutton nor take it off entirely. If he sees your reaction, he doesn't comment on it but the confident smirk is just enough for you to know he noticed it.

He slowly makes his way towards you, knees plopping himself right next to your legs before he's hovering over you. You tilt your head slightly upwards, enough to see his close features before he kisses you again. This time it's slower, more passionate and leaves you breathless all over again. He urges you to completely lay down, your elbows betraying you as your back and head is met with the mattress again. He sits down on his knees, staring down at you with dark eyes and you almost raise yourself again, but before you can give him a glance of curiosity, you're turned around.

It all happens quick, one second you feel his arms around your waist and the next you're turned over to your stomach. A loud gasp escapes your mouth, your head already turned around to look at Jungkook. He just cockily smirks at you, fingers hovering over the zipper of your dress. He lets his finger scheme over your shoulder blades, gently caressing your exposed skin that makes you shiver underneath his touch.

"Do you really want this?" he asks, voice calm and relaxed like he's not ready to devour you whole.

You notice the sudden change of atmosphere, his tone serious yet soft. He's making sure you really made up your mind. He sees the way you patiently wait for him to touch you, leaving you pressing your thighs together. He's responsible for the ache between your legs. He sees it all, yet he needs to hear you say it again.

"Of course, I do." you answer, making sure you stare into his eyes which is quite troublesome since he's right behind you and caging you with his knees on both your sides.

He doesn't react verbally, all he does in response is slowly unzipping your dress while you press your cheek against his sheets, loving how flowery they smell. The room's temperature isn't low, yet it leaves you shivering when the cold air meets your naked back.

"No bra?" Jungkook questions, not hiding a mere surprise.

"This dress doesn't need it." you breathe out, your voice slightly muffled.

Again, he doesn't react verbally but you're shocked, gasping when he pulls your ass up. It leaves you on all fours, the dress slowly falling down your arms.

"Turn around." he demands, and you obey right away.

He chuckles, not wasting time with undressing you before you're left in your panties and heels. He leaves your dress on the floor, not bothering to properly place it somewhere less dirty, even though Jungkook's home is cleaner than yours. He doesn't care they can crinkle if they're tossed on the floor, and neither is it your priority.

All you can focus on is feeling his hands working on your heels, taking them off before he finally frees your ankles and the tight strap around it. Once he's done, he hovers over you again, pressing his lips against your stomach and slowly making his way up your chest. Your perked nipples don't go unnoticed by him, his doe eyes looking up at you before he takes one of your nipples into his mouth. Arching your back, you gasp while he swirls his tongue against it. The other one is occupied by his hand, molding the soft flesh in his huge palm. He does the same thing to the other one, his lips reddened when he's done. Your nipples look just the same, reddened with the attention they just received while still covered in his saliva. You shiver, meeting his eyes as he licks his lips.

You lean forward, kissing him while your arms wrap around his neck pulling his body even closer to yourself. He grunts into your mouth, arms holding himself as he tries not to crash you with his weight. Legs wrapped around his waist, you thrust your hips upwards making the two of you gasp. He's already getting hard, the bulge in his black slacks says it all.

You're remembered by the fact he's still fully dressed and you don't like that. Your hands already work on their own, unfastening his belt and zipper with needy and quick movements.

Jungkook's smirk is evident against your lips, but he doesn't comment on your sudden eagerness, if anything, he seems to like it as he lets you take off his slacks. He helps you take them fully, meanwhile your fingers work on his shirt. You've never hated buttons before. Just like with the slacks, he helps you take off his shirt too and slides it off his arms exposing his abs and buffed chest.

If you were turned on before, you're completely salivated over him now. He tosses it behind him, hitting the desk in the corner of his room making you giggle. He chuckles, hovering over you again before he's kissing you. You take that chance to feel his muscular back, nails gently scratching his soft skin as he grunts into your mouth.

"I want to—" he kisses you again, "fuck me." you finish, hands slowly sliding down his perky ass.

"Are you sure you're ready?" he asks, and you cock your head in confusion.

He's asking you that now? Again? You thought you're pretty clear that you want him. But once he sees your confusion and that cute frown you're about to sport, he explains himself.

"No, I meant— shouldn't I stretch you out more?"

Ah, he means that. 

"Don't flatter yourself, Jeon. You're not that big."

Oh, yeah he is. Definitely bigger than your ex. But who would you be if you didn't take the opportunity to bruise his male ego.

"Really?" he asks, his brows mockingly shooting up. "Weren't you choking on my cock just a few days ago?" he cocks his head innocently, but you see his fake facade.

He's enjoying this, even when you open your mouth and dryly swallow the lump in your throat.

"Fuck, you're so cute when you're getting flustered." he comments, laughing while he scrunches his nose.

Rolling your eyes, you decide it's better not to argue with him. You know he's right about you choking on his cock, you're not stupid. "Whatever," you murmur.

"And to answer your question, no. Just fuck me, I'm ready." you assure him, licking your lips while he eyes you.

He nods, reaching towards the nightstand before he opens the first drawer. He pulls out the foil package and rips it open. Since you're feeling bold tonight, you reach for his length, hand disappearing in his boxers where you finally feel him. He bites onto his lower lip, taking them off while you start to pump him. He's hardening with each pump, kissing you as your hands work their magic on him.

He pulls away and you watch him putting on a condom.

The sight of him doing something so intimate feels exactly that. Intimate, close and exhibit. You've never thought nor imagined you'd ever get this close to him. This is so new to you, just thinking that he's about to have sex with you drives you crazy. You've never thought you'd crave for him this certain way.

Of course, there were many times when your heart was craving for him. In a friendly way when you were in desperate need of a friend. But it wasn't just that. You needed him, Jungkook. No matter how many girl friends you've or can have, nothing ever compares to him. There were times when you felt like you're the one who needs your friendship more than him. You don't doubt Jungkook's friendship, of course not. It just often felt like it's you who values your friendship in more ways than Jungkook could ever imagine. Maybe that's why it hurt when he moved on with Kiko and barely got the time to text you, or even spend time with you.

Jungkook's fingers trail to your exposed legs, snapping you out of your thoughts. It's unreal how he brings you back to reality with a single touch, those soft but dark eyes of his dancing on your face.

"It's still not too late to back out," he tells you softly, caressing your skin like he's not talking about the possibility of ending this. "If you've got any doubts, maybe this isn't what we should do."

"Are you regretting getting this far, Jeon?" you ask, your voice neutral, yet the use of his surname  comes out almost cold.

His eyes flicker to yours right away and he quickly shakes his head, before he allows himself to talk. "No, of course not. I want this, if you couldn't tell." he snorts at the end, looking down to his hard length that's pressing against his stomach.

Focus, Y/N!

You look back at him, poking your inner cheek with a tongue before you sigh. "We both already did some intimate things. Don't you think that if I wanted to back out, I wouldn't allow all those things to happen?" you ask him softly, eyes filled with curiosity and a small frown settling on your brows.

"I'm just making sure," he mumbles, dropping those dark eyes for a moment while you're met with Jungkook that looks completely innocent. "I don't want you to regret anything. This is our friendship we're talking about. That's the most important thing."

If you weren't so freaking horny, you'd probably tear up from the honesty and softness of his words. He really is thoughtful.

"I want this, Kook. I don't think this will change our friendship. If me sucking you off and you eating me out hasn't, I don't think us having sex will. We're just young adults who need to blow some steam off, let's not overthink it too much."

He nods, agreeing with you as he bites his lower lip in thought. "Okay, because you're my best friend but you're fucking attractive and hot. And all I can think about is fucking you." he admits bluntly, causing you to gasp at his sudden words but you giggle.

You trace your hand down his chest, appreciating how firm it feels. "Good," you gulp, "Because that's all I'm thinking about right now."

Jungkook grunts, hovering over you before he kisses you again. His mouth works quick and needy, nibbling on your bottom lip to show you his desire while you're trying not to moan. It's almost pathetic how quick he makes you be so responsive and loud.

"Ready?" he asks between the kisses, his hand going between his legs as he pumps himself.

You can feel your heart in the throat, this feeling awfully similar to your first sex. That excitement and the feeling of experiencing something new, even though it's just sex. Minus the awkwardness and nervousness, of course. You really wonder how he's going to feel. Something tells you he's perfect in bed, no doubts. Just him eating you out made you see stars and brought one of the best orgasms you've ever experienced.

"Ready." you tell him, breath hitching in your throat as soon as you feel his tip parting your folds.

He takes his time, not entering you right away but making sure he smears the wetness between your legs to your clit and his tip. He stares down, brows pinched together and bottom lip tucked between his teeth, looking focused and almost as if he's savoring every moment.

Eyes flickering to yours, he releases his bottom lip as he spreads your legs wider. Giving him a soft smile, hand placed over his beating hard, you're surprised how fast it beats. It matches your own heartbeat, but somehow it leaves a peaceful feeling inside your heart. It's nice to know he's affected as much as you are.

With a careful and slow push, he enters you for the first time, taking into account that it's been awhile since you've had sex. The last thing he wants is to rush and possibly hurt you, just because he's impatient and horny.

Swallowing down the gasp that wants to escape from the back of your throat, you close your eyes and try to relax as much as possible. Luckily, Jungkook seems to be patient and he's still trying to fill you up at an incredibly slow pace. He even stops, checking your reactions with each push and inch he makes.

"Relax, I'm not gonna hurt you." he groans, but still manages to sound soft and genuine. It takes a lot for him not to thrust into you.

Jungkook hasn't been sexually active with anyone, the last person he had sex with was Kiko, his ex-girlfriend. That means you're not the only one who's been without sex for quite some time, even though Jungkook wasn't left high and dry for that long.

"I know." you breathe out, reacting to Jungkook's words. You know all of that, but the sudden stretch and slight burn you feel is unavoidable. There's nothing you can do and your body just has to get used to it.

Although, it seems like Jungkook wants to help when he starts to circle your clit. You suck in breath, your walls relaxing and taking more of him almost immediately.

"That's it," he praises you, continuing with it until he's all nestled inside of you.

He holds himself, still careful not to crash you underneath his weight as he lets you get used to him inside of you. It feels weirdly new, almost as if you forgot how dick inside of you feels like.

"You took me so well." he grunts, his length twitching inside of you before he gives you a sheepish look, like he's apologizing for being so needy and greedy.

"Fuck me, Kook." you murmur, your walls clenching around his thick length as he opens his mouth at the feeling. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pull him closer as you feel the ends of his soft yet thick hair.

"I'm gonna go slow at first, okay?" he asks, although you both know he wouldn't have it any other way. Even if you tried to argue with him, you don't because his reason and decision is understandable and all about you, he'd still do it his way to make sure you're comfortable.

Nodding, he's pulling out of you, a soft breathes leaving his mouth before he slowly pushes his cock inside you. He's restraining himself so much, his face twisted in almost painful expression. Legs wrapped around his frame, heels digging into his lower back, you pull him even closer causing him to get even deeper inside of you.

"You're not making this any easier, you know that?" he chuckles, shaking his head as he still continues with his soft and slow thrusts.

Your giggle is short-lived, especially when his length rubs around a very sensitive spot inside of you, a moan rippling out of your mouth. He stops, adjusting himself before he does it again.

"Stop," you gasp, causing him to freeze and look at you. "I don't wanna cum yet."

"Would you cum right away if I continued?" he asks curiously.

In other situations, you'd probably cackle at the fact you're having a full conversation during your sex. But all you can do is nod in embarrassment.

"Well, maybe not right away but I was getting there." you point out, causing him to chuckle amusingly at you. It causes you to slap his back but he doesn't seem to be too phased, your weak attempt to scold him doing no harm.

"Do you want me to stay still like this or...?" he trails off, causing you to snort at the absurd situation.

You can't believe you're about to laugh in the middle of sex, but Jungkook's distressed expression is priceless.

"No," you laugh, "just fuck me already."

He relaxes, even though he tries to hide it, before he gives you one of his famous grins. "Your wish is my command."

Before you can snort or react in any way at his funny words and the teasing tone, he's already pulling out before he smacks his hips back. It leaves you breathless, almost knock all the oxygen out of your lungs as he repeats the same process over and over again. Your heated skin meets his with each thrust, creating swift and rhythmic melody and just when you think it can't get better, he lifts your legs up and places them over his shoulders.

"Fuck," you breathe out, ignoring the cocky smirk he tries to hide again by staring at your connected bodies.

He fucks you like no one ever has, bringing you an euphoric feeling that you can't seem to get enough of. It feels too good to be real and embarrassingly enough, you've never known that sex could feel this amazing. Jungkook's skills are over the top, triumphing over your ex in all ways. However, with Jungkook's unstoppable thrusts there is no time to think about your ex or anyone else.

"Fuck, you're taking me so well, baby." Jungkook groans above you, head falling between your shoulder and neck, burying his face there.

You shiver, feeling his body pressed against you, his hot skin against your makes the whole atmosphere even more intimate. Years of knowing him, you've never felt this close to him.

"Jungkook," you moan, eyes rolling back when he purposely rub his length against that one sensitive spot he found minutes ago.

He knows what he's doing, and you can perfectly feel that little smirk he always has on his lips but surprisingly, he gives a peck to your neck before he pulls away.

"Can you get on all fours?" he asks, halting his thrusts as you whine.

You were just getting there.

But Jungkook isn't planning on ending anytime soon and when he sees your disappointment, he laughs at you. "Come on, on all fours and ass up." he tells you, your cheeks heating up at the demanding tone he sets.

He pulls out, leaving you empty and greedy for him. Obeying him quickly, you get on all fours as he requested and you yelp when he presses your back down. It causes your cheek to be pressed against his mattress again, his palm staying on your back for a couple of more seconds before he grabs your hips. He lifts your ass even more, your spine and back arched all for him. He palms your ass, grabbing the flesh into his huge hands before he's entering you all over again.

You gasp, clutching the sheets in small fists and when Jungkook notices this, he reaches for them and interweaves his fingers with yours. His chest is pressed against your back while he starts pounding into you at a completely new pace.

"Jungkook, ah—" you whine, your voice awfully whiny and soft to the point you can't recognize it.

"I know, I know." he grunts, tightening his hold on your fingers as you can feel your walls tightening around his thick and throbbing length.

"Fuck—so good." you moan out, shutting your eyes because you can feel them watering.

"You're gripping me so well," he rasps out, not halting his movements even a bit. "Gonna make you cum so hard." he promises, his small dirty talk causing you to moan again.

His balls slapping against your ass feels euphoric, just like everything right now, and it leaves you breathless and wanting to reach your end. Couple of more thrusts, Jungkook's soft grunts and his length brushing against your g-spot brings you the most incredible orgasm.

Mouth agape, Jungkook's unstoppable thrusts make you cry out his name as you're cumming around him. He fucks you through it, continuing even when you're growing sensitive and you whine at the overstimulation.

"I know, I know. I'm getting there." he grunts, hands grabbing your hips so tight that you're guessing they'll probably bruise later but you don't seem to care.

Clenching around him, it takes a few more pumps before Jungkook suddenly halts his movements and you feel his cock twitch inside of you. He's cumming, filling the condom with his seed and you wish you could feel him more.

And fuck, if Jungkook's low groan of pleasure isn't the hottest thing you've ever heard, you don't know what is.

And even though you've just come down off your high, the sound is enough to shoot a little bit lust straight to your core. Enough to leave you clench around him again, causing him to grunt in response.

His sweaty forehead drops against your naked shoulder, a shallow and quick breaths meeting your skin as he tries to calm himself down. It takes him a few more seconds of breathing in and out at a rapid pace, before his breathing comes back to normal and he slowly lifts his head off you.

"You good?" he asks, holding himself up with his hands when he realizes he almost crushed you with his heavy body.

You don't see him, but he scrunches his nose when he pulls out of you, overstimulation getting overwhelming for the both of you. When he manages to fully pull out, he quickly gets off you and plops himself next to you. You flip yourself on your back, eyes focused on the white ceiling as your chest heaves with almost identical heavy breaths like he did just seconds ago.

"I'm perfect," you answer breathlessly, stealing a glance at your best friend who happily lays down next to you, discarding the used condom. "Are you good?" you ask him in return, watching him grin as he ties the used condom full of his sperm.

"Oh, I'm ecstatic." he beams, standing up and throwing the condom in the bin near his desk.

"Are you always this ecstatic when you get laid?" you chuckle, trying not to let your eyes drop to his crotch that he doesn't even cover. He's shameless, walking completely naked to you while he doesn't even try to cover himself. It's not like you want him to anyway, but he clearly doesn't have any issue with nudity.

"It's been a long time, okay?" he jokes, tossing his body next to you without care, causing the mattress to jiggle under his weight. "Don't tell me you don't think the sex was mind blowing."

He looks at you, eyes dropping to your perked nipples before he looks back into your eyes.

"It was." you shrug, admitting it.

He chuckles, turning onto his side as he traces your lips. It catches you off guard, but you don't even blink while you try to look as natural as possible. You look at him, his hand dropping next to his body.

"This doesn't change anything, right? Our friendship, I mean."

You've to ask him, just to be sure. At first, you were the one who tried to convince him that none of this would affect your friendship.

His brows scrunch together for a short moment before he shakes his head. "No, I don't think so. Do you feel like something changed?" he asks back.

"I don't, but what if I will?" you ask, probably more yourself than Jungkook.

What if everything seems just the same right now but yesterday or in a few weeks, you'll feel like you shouldn't have done that? There's no turning back and you really don't want to regret anything. It's just your mind playing tricks on you. This is your friendship that could possibly be on the line after all.

"Then you'll tell me. I don't think there's nothing we can do. We both agreed to it and it doesn't have to be such a big deal." he shrugs, his voice putting at least some kind of ease to your nerves.

"I know that, I know that we both agreed to it. I really don't wanna sound like I'm already regretting it, because I don't. I don't want you to think that it's your fault or make you feel guilty. That's not my intention at all. It's just... I can't help but wonder if we did the right thing. What if this will fire back in a few weeks, months or years even?"

Your eyes are focused on the ceiling, despite feeling Jungkook's doe eyes silently watching you.

"I think you're overthinking this a lot. Let's just focus on the present. We don't have to have sex anymore. I told you, anything that makes you comfortable." he tells you honestly and softly, causing you to feel like a jerk for some reason.

You're stressing over something nonexistent while Jungkook is there for you and your crazy mind.

"I didn't say that. I still wanna have sex." you point out, causing him to snicker.

When you look at him, you can see the confident and cocky glint in his eyes. That's why you nudge his shoulder, snorting. "Shut up."

He laughs, slowly shaking his head. "Just don't fall in love with me. I know that I can be very irresistible but—"

"Oh, get over yourself, Jeon." you scoff, sitting up as you give him a perfect view of your rolling eyes.

He grins at you, hand touching your exposed back as he caresses your skin. "Never." he jokes, causing you to shake your head at his absurdity.

You just hope the next morning will be just as relaxed like this very moment is. You don't want your friendship to be ruined by lust.

But you'll have to wait until the morning comes.

[not-that-syndrigast]

Is the grid a friend group?

Short answer; no. But we are here to analyze and discuss, so let's figure out why not and what else the grid can be described as.

In a friend group, you pretty much choose who's a part and who isn't, something that's not possible in F1 where team principals and other higher ups decide who is in the group and who is not. It's also too big to be a proper friend group and too forced.

If you want to describe the F1 grid, I would compare it to a class. It fits not only from the size, but also the set up; the people in a class cannot decide either who is in said group, instead they are forced to spend time with these people and there's smaller groups within. To strengthen the comparison, i'd argue the teammate lineups are similar to seating neighbors; a small bit of mutual liking is needed for things to work out but generally you can't really choose, at least I don't let my students choose.

This can also be used to talk about dynamics on the grid and I would assume makes it easier for some of you to understand that while they aren't necessarily close friends, they all know each other in some way because they are forced to.

I would like to make three examples though;

Oliver Bearman joining the grid and being supported by multiple experienced drivers makes sense, they’ve all been there and even if they aren’t in the same team or even close, they all made sure he felt welcomed and as a part of the group.

Lando Norris and Carlos Sainz becoming friends. Usually I am not a big fan of the assumption that everyone who are teammates are friends, just like how you aren't friends with everyone you ever sat next to but were just forced to talk because there was no one else. These two met each other like that though and became real friends like it sometimes is.

Charles Leclerc and Carlos Sainz, arguably the relationship why I've spent some time to even think about this. A lot of people claim their friendship is only PR, they are not friends and only talk for cameras, but i think it's more difficult than that. Unlike Sainz and Norris, they didn't hit it off instantly and became great friends, but I do still think that they talk, even if only because they are forced to spend time together in the garage. With Sainz leaving, it's interesting. Even if they weren't proper best friends the way Sainz and Norris were, it's still sad and weird to not be close to someone anymore.

Another thing that made this come up again was the recent grill the grid episode, where Norris didn't remember Ocon which proves my point that they aren't a friend group. There's videos of them talking, they know each other, but they are in completely different smaller friend groups on the grid. In the end it's not that deep, Norris forgetting Ocon isn't him bullying Ocon out but simply proves that they aren’t best friends.

It is important to mention though that I do not know these people and it's only observations and interpretations based on my own experiences with class and friendship dynamics. Like always, if someone disagrees or feels the need to share their opinion, I'm free to hear anyone out.

Also; drivers forgetting the names of other drivers they are supposed to be friends with isn’t that deep either. Today i accidentally called my best friend of seven years the name of my cat, it's really not that deep.

[nikkirando]

Two words emo nijiro. Anyways hear me out. High school nijiro and freader are close friends and their mutual friends/friend group start teasing him about liking reader but she just think it’s a joke and he doesn’t actually like her so she ignores it. Slowly the teasing gets worse and nijiro becomes distant and awkward which upsets reader. He feels bad he made them upset so he confesses to them and they like him back. Maybe a cute first kiss moment at the end. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense.

Black Sheep

teen!Nijiro Murakami x teen!fem!Reader

Warning: reader being a little stupid, Language 

High school was one of the hardest things in life for a teen. Nijiro and his friends (plus you) went to a cafe he wasn't paying attention to anything his friends were saying he was only looking at you. When you spoke he was listening to you if you weren't he was just looking at you the rest of the friend's in the group noticed other than you. At first, it was just normal teasing like teenagers do but slowly it became worsted, for example, most of the teasing started happening everywhere like school, at any friend's house, stores, and anywhere he was near you.

So he started to distance himself from you to stop the teasing and you noticed what HE didn't notice was it was upsetting you when he started distancing himself. He didn't mean to upset you at all just wanted the teasing to stop anytime you were trying to go near him to confront him he would walk away well...more like run away. It started to piss you off so you ran after "Nijiro!" you yelled you rarely yelled at him so which itself made him stop in his tracks while you catch up to him "What the hell is up with you?" you said as you moved in front of him.

"W-What do you mean?" he asked nervously "I mean the shit you keep pulling! Avoiding me as if I was the plague!" you screamed at him as he flinched a little at the sound of your voice raising in the school hallways. "I'm not avoidi-" before he can finish you spoke...or well yelled "You have! You don't text me anymore we don't have our all-night calls anymore you don't answer my calls and you run away whenever I come near you! Why!?" you screamed, "Because I'm afraid!" he yells there where a few moments of silence before you spoke "Afraid?" "Yes, I'm afraid is that what you wanted to hear?! I'm scared to ruin my friendship with you! I'm afraid to disappoint you! W-With everyone's teasing me that I like you and you thinking its a f-fucking joke and I just....I-I'm scared....like really scared" he said looking down.

"It wasn't a joke?" you asked "No! It wasn't what part of that didn't you understand?! I-I....I like you a lot and I was scared and so I thought if I avoid you then-" he wasn't able to finish when he felt a part of lips on his as you put a hand on his cheek while he puts a hand out your neck. You guys break the kiss as you looked at him "I like you a lot...to" you said smiling.

[ax-y10]

hiii!!! do you think you could do a young wilbur soot x gn! reader where they’re 16/17 and the reader gets her drivers license finally but you and wilbur have been broken up for a year so you drive past his house? or base it off of olivia rodrigos drivers license song because i’m totally not going through that in my life rn 😅

I Know (We Weren't Perfect)

I hope you feel better 💕

In which- You've been broken up for a year, but you can't help but go back and find out the truth.

A/N: lol where I live, we don't get our licenses till we're 18 or smth like that. Imma try my hardest cause I haven't listened to Olivia Rodrigo's music in ages and I don't have my license so... Also, I'm so sorry this took so long. I have my motivation back now. I'm also really shit at endings and I am on the verge of genuinely crying so I had to try and make the ending happy for me, I'm sorry. I did try my hardest, but I don't want to cry.

Chapter info: bittersweet, poor Olivia Rodrigo recall, sad reader, sad everyone ig, driving, reminiscing, swearing, loud music, somewhat alright ending (I didn't cry WOOHOO)

Pronouns: None (You/Yours)

Based off of this song:

Masterlist:

---

You had always talked about this moment with him. You were both so excited for this moment. You had both talked about this since you were children, and how excited you both were.

But it didn't quite work out in your favours.

He had recently broken up with you. You weren't sure why. But it left you in shambles, your head screaming for an explanation. You genuinely loved him. So fucking much.

People you wish didn't find out, found out. And immediately spread rumours about why he broke up with you. He found another person who made him feel better, he didn't love you anymore, he hated you, he thought you were too much to deal with. You couldn't believe anything they were saying. You didn't believe anything. What blonde girl? Who is the blonde girl? Who are they talking about? What are they talking about?

You knew it wasn't the healthiest coping mechanism, and you knew it was hurting you more than helping, but you just couldn't help it. Driving through the suburbs was a struggle. Your mind kept drifting off and convincing you that you were driving home to him.

You didn't even know if he lived in the same city as you even more.

You still had his phone number, and you got confirmation from Tommy that his phone number was still the same. Time and time again, you tried your very hardest to contact him and ask about what happened, but you couldn't bring yourself to press the 'send' button.

Now, you finally have your drivers license, and oh my god, did it hurt. The minute you found out, you cried in happiness. "I HAVE MY DRIVERS LICENSE" you yelled over the phone to your friend. But little did they know, you curled up under the blankets each night and sobbed. Why was he gone? Why is he suddenly out of your life?

Is he alright? Does he still love me? Does he still know who I am? Does he think about me like I think about him?

These thoughts plagued your mind each night.

You can't even dare to drive past the coffee shop you visited every week, along the road next to the beach, near any of your mutual friends' houses, past your schools.

My goodness, you still love him, it hurts.

And no one understands.

Where is he now?

How is he?

Contacting Phil, your "father figure", your comfort now, you ask how Wilbur is, how he's doing, how he's holding up. If he still thinks of you.

And the answer you got back was certainly mixed.

The message read: (Don't worry, sweet. He is totally alright, he's doing well. I haven't heard anything different from him from when you both were together. And of course, he definitely still thinks of you. Would you like me to come over?)

And you replied: (Yes. Yes. Please. Come over.)

And now here Phil was. On your sofa, next to you, holding you close, letting you cry.

And the message entered your head again. And it all made sense.

Phil hasn't heard anything different. Wilbur used to ramble on and on and on about you to Phil. and nothing has changed. So of course he has to still talk about you. And he still thinks about you. So he is affected by it, but he may also be too scared to reach out to you.

"Phil" You said with a shaky voice.

"What's wrong, sweet?" He replied soothingly, almost entirely like Wilbur. He's learnt how to talk to you like a daughter, instead of a friend.

"Your message. You said you don't hear anything different, and he still thinks of me? But he used to ramble on about me all the time? So does he still do that?" You frantically asked.

He laughed a little, bringing down your hopes, and then he continued.

"Y/n. Of course he still thinks about you. Of course he still rambles about you. It's all positive I promise." And that's when you blurted your true question.

"Can you take me to him? Please? I need to see him." You pleaded, and Phil lead you out to his car, and off you went.

As soon as you got there, you raced up the front steps, and knocked slightly on the door, awaiting him. What you didn't expect was him on the phone, a can of some drink you didn't know, and a scruffed up house.

As he locked his focus on you, you noticed the weariness behind his eyes, the worry. His eyes widened, and he said goodbye to the person on the phone, and looked at you quizzically. Extending your arms sideways, like you always used to, he placed his hands on your forearms and pushed them back down to your sides.

Tears brimmed your eyes. Did he hate you? Did Phil lie? Does he not want you he-

You felt long, familiar arms wrap around you and lift you off the ground, spinning you around. You were glad he's alright and still thinks of you but you knew you couldn't just immediately go back to being attached at the hip. At the best for the moment, you could go back to being friends.

"I'm so fucking sorry. I was drunk and I didn't know what I was doing. And when I woke up at my house, I was so confused. Please forgive me, I feel so bad for leaving you. I've meant to contact you and apologise, but I couldn't. Please. I still think of you. Please?" He started with no tears, and ended in a sob.

You waved off Phil and walked in with Wilbur.

"Of course I forgive you. Why wouldn't I? I just wish one of us asked or reached out. I really want to go back to what we were, but we can stay as friends, or whatever you want, okay?" You comforted. Now you understand.

"Please. I am happy with going back to what we were. I would like to be friends first but if we can't wait, which I know for a fact is unbearable for both of us-" He laughed. What a joyous sound., "-we can go back."

And that's where the relationship began (for the second time)

---

Again, I do apologise for making it a happy ending. I didn't know which you wanted so I went with what felt fright for me. Hope you enjoyed it.

[ca-suffit]

personally i disagree that the whole lestat “positive light” stuff was rushed or “forced/awful”. lestat saving louis and grieving claudia were somewhat presented as twists, similar to how last season louis sparing lestat and being with armand were the twists. so they’re not supposed to be fully explained or justified yet. but they still make sense when you think about the overall narrative — i think few ppl would deny lestat loves louis even with only louis’ pov to go off so ofc he would save him. and there’s hints he loved claudia too back in s1, but we obviously don’t get anything of just the two of them after ep 4. none of this negates his abuse but the love still existed, the two aren’t mutually exclusive, in fact i’d say they’re directly related. but anyway i don’t think the scenes were rly about painting lestat in a good light or having the audience forgive him (which i think is a dumb concept anyway) or even louis forgive him. the reunion scene was more so abt grief and acknowledging that lestat was not solely responsible for claudia’s death in light of revelations. and that the love between the two of them very much hasn’t gone away and was always there. which i think was all fair for where we’re at. but forgiveness and redemption etc will come later (i hope this makes sense)

I understand what ur saying. I'm sure the show will long term explore a lot of things, but it felt like the racial implications weren't considered enough tho. Both endings kind of threw a lot of weird feelings and blame on Armand only, and having the S2 twist revolve around what felt like randomly redeeming a white character came across like shit to a lot of ppl. If someone's a show only fan, it had to be even more confusing. Even for me having book understanding and enjoying parts of the scenes themselves at moments, I still think it could have been done a *lot* better than this.

In general, this is what makes it difficult for fans of color to engage with stuff, bcuz there's always a feeling that whiteness is gonna eventually be the whole priority. Between the bts fuckery that's been happening and how the show rly flopped this ending, it's asking a lot for ppl to keep waiting it out. They're not giving a lot of reassurance that they care about fans of color anymore. It's not always just about the story itself and where it's going, it's the signs seen and felt in other ways too. I don't blame anyone for thinking this was shit (not that I'm saying that's what ur doing either, just saying in general).

Idk rn how to better put into words how u can still know all of this was the point but think they handled it badly, but that's p much my perspective on it. I can see all they're doing but I think they rly made some choices in doing it.

[sheepwithspecs]

thoughts on friendship and the decay of

Today is one of those days where I wake up and rethink every interaction i ever had with someone, not in an obsessive way but because I remembered something, or I had a dream, or my OneDrive decided today was the day to remind me of their existence (like it doesn't already weigh on my heart).

It made me start thinking about the natural loss of a friend: not a fiery breakup or no-contact, but the very gradual pulling away that happens when you grow and change as people.

For me, it's not the pulling away that's the upsetting part, it's the post-pull when you realize that you're tired, and you can't be as invested as you used to be. You might even still talk to them (interact with a social media post here and there, do the obligatory meme-share of the day, etc.) but it's not the same. It's not like it used to be.

You used to stay up past midnight just to keep talking to this person. You still have all the text messages you sent (dozens each day). You used to wake up to 30+ messages where they'd had a thought or found out some new info and just HAD to share it with you, even if you weren't awake or online at the moment. You used to do the same to them, because that was what made life enjoyable. The interaction, the closeness.

That doesn't happen anymore. You can't pinpoint when it stopped, exactly, but neither can you imagine a world where it'll start again anytime soon.

It's not always crushing (though sometimes it is) but it's always bittersweet. You used to have a lot of fun with this person and now you... don't. Not that you stopped caring about them, per se, but there's an absence that makes itself known whenever their name appears in your mind.

"When did they stop caring about me? Why haven't I noticed it until now?" These thoughts used to keep me up at night. I used to assume it was something I did, or said, or didn't do or say. I think that was always easier than having to accept that their investment in me was not equal to my investment in them.

If you give someone 100% and they return 45%, things will not work out no matter how much you wish they would. It's a hard truth... but it's a truth.

Sometimes it makes sense why we stopped talking. We were coworkers at a job, for instance, or we were fandom mutuals who both moved on in different directions. Others, it's harder to say.

Did other friends become a higher priority? Did they find it easier to let me go? Did I stop providing something they needed, or did they realize they could no longer provide what I needed? Did they assume I no longer wanted them? Were they happy to see me go, or do they think about me the same way I think about them? Do they remember those times too, and wish they could go back? Or....

No matter which way you turn it... I just wish they'd have said something. At least then I'd have known.

[textingaboutprometheus]

I also don't think LA vs NY was the problem, because I don't think R actually wanted Jon to move to NY. Ronan wanted to live in New York some of the time, not for them both to live there, because of the… let's call it 'freedoms' that he had when they were apart. Lovett moving full time to NY to be with him would have presented a problem in the same exact way that both of them living in LA did. It was the full-timeness of it all, not the city.

I do believe he THOUGHT he wanted (or at least was able to) settle down and be with one person in a marriage based in the same city, which Lovett clearly wanted and had been a source of tension between them for a while. I already believed based on all the other stuff we have been talking about that the LDR was an issue and Lovett wanted a change, but I went and watched that part of the endless honeymoon podcast that anon referenced a few days ago, and if I didn't believe it before I would now. Anon is right, it's crystal clear from that Lovett was fully over the LDR, I don't even know how we all weren't talking about it at the time it aired.

But I think Ronan agreed to settling down in LA with all intentions of following through, I really think he believed that this was something he could give to Lovett, or he wouldn't have proposed in the first place. But I think he was dragging his feet after that, not necessarily on the wedding but on changing the relationship, and L didn't want to get married without that piece of it. And then it all got real with the house, he started feeling boxed in in a way that was unsustainable. I'm just glad he was honest about it and didn't try to go through with something that would have been a disaster and exploded in their faces, maybe with kids involved.

I think ultimately, they were both admirably honest with themselves and each other about what they needed from the relationship and it became clear that those things were mutually exclusive. At that point, no amount of compromise could have saved it.

I remember when it first happened and a lot of people were asking why they would let a ten year relationship go just like that without trying to save it, but now I think they probably tried to save it for a bit too long. It's clear the distance (and everything that goes with it) has been an issue for a while, but I think they both believed the disagreement was about WHEN to settle down, not if they (he) even could, and that kept them hanging on. But it was always an if and the answer, it turns out, was no. I definitely don't think they will get back together, and I don't even want them to anymore. They aren't compatible and should both find people to be happy with in the kinds of relationships they want to be in.

Aaah, sorry this is so long. I think I've been noodling on this for a year now and it's good to get it off my chest, thank you for providing this space!

I can appreciate good old fashioned honesty. But I still think letting it go on for as long as it did was damaging. If they realized this sooner they'd probably have been happier.

I'm glad L is in therapy. What gets me though is R's behavior post break up. He seems petty about it. But everything you said here makes so much sense, except his attitude.

It's like he fully expected them to continue on as they were. Happy as clams. Its like he heard Ls rejection of this and did it anyway. Idk. I just hope he's happy with the outcome. I mean he gets to be hot and single now.

[thecagedbirdsingsoffreedom]

It really throws me off kilter when Mario makes a strong, valid point that I don't have a rebuttal in response.

And I always have a response. Albiet, some are mocking but still.

It just really throws me off.

I was thinking about how our little dynamic has gone through a million different shifts in the last three years.

Of the three of us he's always been the most unserious, ridiculously happy one. Our wonderful ray of sunshine and optimism. He's always been so lighthearted and honestly I couldn't imagine a better friend for you. It was like night and day and it made so much sense.

I know he was a large part of the earlier friendships we made. Mario makes friends everywhere. He can talk to strangers for hours. And he's the kind of person who just smiles at everyone and says hello.

He was my dancing partner, the one who would help me push you for pushing me first. He would always help me beat you up. And he always went with my dumbass ideas if he didn't suggest any of his own.

I think my favorite moments were when we would get together for the summers before high school and we'd all share one look and agree to a silent, mutual consensus of whatever dumb shit we were going to do. Even better when some of the stuff resulted in confrontations and people assumed he was the weaker one because he was so nice when really he's always been the first one to throw punches.

But you guys were together in a way I couldn't even begin to explain. Idk if it's because you're both boys, if we got stupid and time happened, but I knew that at the end of the day you two had something I wasn't apart of.

And hearing him tell me that you and I had something HE wasn't apart of was hilarious to me. Probably shouldn't have been, but I couldn't help the laugh. Cynical, mocking, incredulous- I don't really know which to use but it's one of those, if not all three.

It shocked me when he went into accounting. It seemed so mundane and... boring for such a vibrant personality. I don't know what I pictured him doing, but accounting just didn't seem like his thing. He's still pretty good at it but I still think I've gotten better. lol

When you left, it was the first time I didn't know him anymore. Even with all the Andrea bullshit. I don't remember now how I did it either.

I just remember sitting with him everyday starring at him and waiting. I'd never fought with so many grown adults whom I thought had our best interest at heart. I don't think I had a moment to even grieve you because his father and step mother came at me with a viciousness I can't get out of my head if I allow myself to fully recall the memory. Their only fucking son in a coma, we didn't know jack shit if he was going to be okay and here they were harassing me for will readings and Mario's portion of investments and money in the fucking company I was making auto pilot decisions on with both of you out of service.

For better or worse I guess I'm grateful his parents, your mother and my parents were all on their bullshit enough for me to just do things out of spite constantly.

Honestly, the sheer arrogance my younger self had with her ignorant and misguided notions of anger were laughable at best. Lmfao. This was unadulterated, violent, unchecked rage. Rage driven to violence and I'm surprised I did not get kicked out of that hospital right along with everyone else.

And then he woke up and the first thing he asked me about was you and I couldn't even cry because he was already doing it for the both of us. The rage simmered down to a boil so fast I'm surprised I didn't have to get checked into a room myself from internal brain or organ damage of some kind.

I don't remember ever feeling like I did in that moment. I'd seen you cry before but never him. I'd never seen him like this and I didn't know what to do and I couldn't even cry with him. I just held him because I didn't know what to do.

He was alive.

But you weren't.

And I've never felt like a true piece of shit in my life aside from that moment.

Of everything I have ever done and said to anyone in my life, nothing will ever compare to the conflict of emotions in what I kept thinking that first week back from new york.

Booked a flight straight to California. Signed some documents. And I threw myself into work with a vengeance and any residual anger I had I threw it into court proceedings with his father, who was adamant that your will was altered and his son deserved more compensation than what was stipulated.

And then he stayed with his POS girlfriend/fiancé and instead of getting better we went further downhill.

All three of us. Together. Spiraling straight into flames and pushing amongst ourselves to see who could hit the ground first.

And then we lived a hazy two years. And after some more fucked up shit, I noticed him getting better. And I wanted to ask so badly how he was doing it but I couldn't bring myself to because I wasn't sure if he was fronting or not.

But i noticed we didn't talk about you at all.

You were just there hovering over us. A ghost silently following us around, looming and probably judging the shit out of us. For the longest time I think we were just afraid to even mention you because neither of us knew how the other would take it. I certainly fucking didn't, so I kept my mouth shut.

Until we upped the ante and leveled up in the art of self sabotage. Because Kai died. And I didn't take that well in any form and/or capacity.

I think it was the first time in a long while we'd been able to talk about you to each other. And then upped the quality of drugs. The alcohol content. And then he moved here for work for like four months.

I'm pretty sure that was some bullshit but somewhere along the lines, Mario started being more like Mario again.

And now we can talk about things i didn't really think about before. Or things he couldn't tell me. Or things he and you knew that I wasn't privy too.

I think our biggest turning point was riding on the motorcycles. He still doesn't race his cars, and we joke about fist fighting over the aston martin but I'm glad I could count on the guys for support. I'm glad they took into account my concern and offered to help him, safely and steadily. I will never be able to repay Z and the guys for helping me with that. For not judging him or pushing and poking at him. This is probably why he likes them enough and I appreciate the effort.

Ever since then, he's slowly gone back to driving. I can see that turning still sets him on edge, but at least he's doing it now as opposed to paying drivers and taxis.

And ever since then hes done such an improvement. I can't help but reciprocate. For whatever else I may be struggling with, I want him to be happy. He woke up from the accident and he lost you, his POS parents and the POS girl. All after you. And I know it couldn't have been easy to have to see me for a while. It certainly wasn't for me.

And he's become one of my favorite people to talk too again.

It'd been such a long time since he and I had bonded and conversed like we used too. Sometimes it makes me want to cry, but I can see it now. Slowly, dia por dia, he's turning into the wonderful boy i remember. My happy, optimistic ray of sunshine.

I don't know when it became so obvious or if I just wasn't paying attention but he's here now.

And i love that he gets it.

He gets us. To him, there's still an us. It's always us. And he'll often include you in references or conversations and that's been filling my heart.

I don't feel like i have to carry you and kai and max just by myself.

He'll share some of the weight with me. And he's reiterated that there's nothing wrong with being vulnerable regarding you, over you, again and again. And I don't know why I ever thought at any point in time that being so stupid and delusionally firm was a respectable goal or aspiration.

And now we're coming back full circle.

He's here with me, just like we started.

And you're here too. In our own ways but we both have you here.

I need nothing else but to pull comfort from that thought.

I'm so glad that he's getting much better and grieving you is the least we could do for the honor and privilege we had of loving you and being loved by you.

[lovelyknifes18]

Chapter three: On the road again

(And running from the law)

Erin had no idea what... Well she wasn't going to call the spaz dad, (Elwood) or what's-his-face (Jake) anything, but she didn't care what music they had on the radio. Since she was smart enough to pack her walkman and cassettes. It was a temporary pull back into reality instead of whatever world she was in now. "Whatcha listening to back there?" Jake asked, looking back at Erin, to which she looked up pulling one earphone away from her head. "Music, I don't think you'd like it."

"It can't be that bad, unless you're listening to posh, fancy white people's music." Erin raised her brow at Jake's comment, but instead handed her headphones over. "Yeah, no." Jake grabbed the headphones, his expression going through the facial definition for the five stages of grief. Elwood glanced over, and leaned in to listen. The strange noises they've never heard clashed greatly with the soul, blues, and R&B they have grown with. "What in God's name are you fucking listening to?" Erin had her headphones passed back to her. "You never heard of rappers delight?"

"What exactly is it?"

Erin rolled her eyes at Elwood's question. "It's called Hip-hop, God your old school."

Just a block ahead, the owner of the diner the brothers had stopped at when they were released from prison, waited by his pickup truck. Once he spotted the bluesmobile, he reached into the front seat. Pulling out a shot gun as he took a swig from his flask. "This is for wrecking my restaurant, and for not paying you socialist commies!" By some divine intervention, he missed. Instead the bullets from the shotgun hit a passing school bus tire, causing the driver, and the children to tumble over as the vehicle swerved into a light pole.

Erin looked back in disbelief of what she just saw. "Did you not see that? That guy could've almost shot us!"

"Yeah, but it looks like he has a terrible aim." Jake chuckled.

"How are you guys not freaking out? We almost died."

"Keyword "almost" we ain't dying from that."

"We're on a mission from god."

Erin just stared back, baffled by how nonchalant the brothers are taking the fact they almost were shot. "That's your answer, just because of a mission from god, nothing is going to happen to us?"

"Yap." Erin shook her head, scoffing at Elwood's response. "God, you're such a fucking spaz."

"Hey, nobody makes fun of my brother. Except for me." Jake said defensibly.

"How does that make any sense?"

"It's a mutual understanding between siblings, you wouldn't understand." Elwood explained, while Erin shrugged her arms and turned her music up louder. "Whatever." Jake just shook his head, turning to look ahead as he lit a cigarette. "She's a little asshole isn't she?"

"Yeah, but she's a teenager. We weren't any better at her age." Elwood replied, pressing his foot down on the pedal as the car briefly flew over the pothole. "God no, but I think we were a little better."

"You took a shit in the Morrison's closet before they sent you back to the orphanage." He reminded Jake, of the time where his brother was briefly adopted. Before being returned back, which wasn't the first time. Just the last time Jake was too big to be brought back in the same basket he was left in as a baby. "They deserved it."

December 15th

A Cadillac parked outside in the countryside of Nebraska, as a group of four men looked around. Hoping they were heading in the right direction of what the news report said. "Man, this looks nothin like Chicago." The shorter thug, named Riley complained.

"How would you know? We ain't ever been out of the hood." The tall one, called Lee asked. "I have a cousin from there." Riley replied

"Man, that's the fifth time you said you got a cousin from this place, or this city. You ain't got that many cousins, dumbass!" Lee argued before Andre, the gang's leader interjected. "Will you two shut the fuck up?! The little girl ain't even in Chicago anymore, we gotta get to Wisconsin."

"Why?" Riley asked.

"What do you think is the closest to the goddamn state? Iowa." Andre declared.

"... Where the fuck are we?" Another man poked his head up from the back seat, just waking up. Andre just groaned, handing the map over to Smokey. Who was the only one out of the five of them able to tell where exactly to go.

Meanwhile, our trio had stopped for gas in Madison WI. Just right inside, as Erin passed by without suspicion to use the bathroom, was a woman in her mid-forties in one of the isles. Grabbing some snacks for herself (and three children obviously) the sound of her low heeled flats echoed from the Isle as she traveled to the cashier. "Just these, thank you."

As her items were scanned. And Erin passed by unnoticed again, as the radio once again broadcast her "kidnapping" and reward for her return. "Tsk, I swear. What has the world come to." The woman grumbled to herself, pushing a strand of her hair back, when something caught her eye. The girl that's missing looked a lot like the one currently outside... Those men she was with. Karen's eyes grew as wide as saucers when she recognized Erin's description. "Oh my lord..." The suits those men she was with could only mean one thing, Erin had been kidnapped by some satanic cult and that's what their recruitment members wore.

"Didn't fall in did you?" Jake teased, as Erin rolled her eyes.

"We should be good for another hour or so." Elwood started the engine, as the woman from inside the store came out. Yelling as she stood by the nearest payphone. "You hear something?" Jake asked, to which Elwood shook his head. "Nope." The bluesmobile pulled away, as Karen dropped the phone and tried to run after the car. "Stop! You're not going to brainwash an innocent child, you satanists!" She groaned in frustration, stomping back to the payphone. She hung up on the police and quickly dialed another number. After the line was picked she spoke."Patty? Hi, it's Karen. Get the ladies together at my house ASAP. This involves the safety of our children and America's."

The rest of the ride was relatively quiet and smooth sailing, until Elwood had passed by a police car parked on the side of the road. Checking for anyone going past the speed limit or just a good excuse to rough someone up. "Hey, isn't that one of those old police cruisers?

"And they're going past the speed limit."

A beat of silence followed, before the two officers cackled and hollered. "Let's go get'em!" The engine revving up as they pursue the blues brothers.

"Uh-oh," Elwood said, looking back through the rearview mirror at the incoming police car.

"Oh great, they just can't get enough of us can they?" Jake pulled out a cigarette and lighter. "You have any plan to shake them?"

"Of course I do."

Elwood applied more pressure to the gas pedal. "Hold on to something back there kid, we don't got seatbelts."

"Hold on to what-"

... There was the sound of children running around, some of them petting the reindeer whilst they're parents smiled at the memories being made, and a few other guests capturing photos of the lovely manger. A woman and her daughter were next in line for Santa. "It's alright, just remember. There's nothing to be scared of. Okay Susie?" The little girl looked down, before smiling and nodding at her mother's encouragement. There was nothing to be scared of. "Okay, mommy!" She beamed, running up next as she climbed into Santa's lap.

"Well hello there, little lady. Now what would you like for-" The Santa was interrupted, when the bluesmobile crashed through the stable holding the reindeer. Everyone ran out of the way, one boy who was petting one of the deer, got kicked in the face when the poor animal was startled. Santa's eyes widened as the police car was coming right up behind the decorative stand. "Oh shit!" He jumped from his seat, pushing poor little Susie to the side like a ragdoll.

"Look, they even got reindeer." Elwood pointed out. "A damn winter wonderland." Jake chuckled, as they hit a gift shop stand and the gingerbread houses. On the other hand, due to the car having no seatbelts. Erin was practically flying around in the backseat. "What the hell are you doing?!" She exclaimed, before letting out a grunt as she hit her head against the roof. "Ow!"

"Told ya to hold something."

The police were catching up behind the bluesmobile, at this point loving the thrill of the chase too much. "Oh, I'm gonna ram them. I'm gonna ram them!"

"Agh, ow! You know, maybe you can just explain that I'm not being kidnapped instead?" Erin suggested, figuring it was the most logical thing anyone would do.

"Now where's the fun in that?" Jake answered. "You really think we're gonna play this nice and easy? That's not how we do things."

"But they're gonna arrest us!"

"They can't arrest anyone on a mission from God."

"I don't think God has a say in that!" Erin yelled, as she jerked back into her seat. "Stop being so negative, will ya? Here's an exit." Elwood made a sharp turn towards the entrance, as the cops tried the same, only to spin towards the crowd. Crashing right into the Christmas tree. Which fell over onto what remained of the entryway for what was Santa's wonderland. And directly hitting the manger display, leaving the adults confused and the children traumatized.

"We should check out that place again, there's always next Christmas." Erin didn't even register what Elwood said, feeling a little queasy. "Hey, if you're gonna yak-" Too late, as Erin stuck her head out and vomited outside the window. "Bleh..."

"I was gonna say we can stop somewhere, but that works... You okay?"

"No... Hrgh!" Erin stuck her head out again, till her stomach was empty.

It was official, this was the worst time she's ever had in a car. She was going to die, in the back of a car In the middle of nowhere. If she hadn't made the prayer nothing would harm her during the travel back home, that didn't mean it would be an easy or normal trip.

After more hours, our trio stopped in at a shady hotel. It didn't look the best, but better than sleeping in a car. Before any sleeping arrangements could be made, Jake was the first to crash. Diving head first into the couch, and leaving an awkward air of silence between Erin and Elwood. "Does he always fall asleep like... That?"

"Yap, ever since we were kids."

Erin let herself fall on one of the beds, her mind still stuck on the day's events. Staring up at the ceiling, as she took a deep breath. Elwood wanted to step over and join, but kept a reasonable distance since Erin wasn't that comfortable with them just yet. "You doing okay?"

Erin sat up, trying to understand what Elwood said. Since he was on the other side of the room near the kitchen. "What?"

"I said are you doing okay?" He said a little louder.

"... Yeah, I guess." Erin shrugged her shoulders, she swore that so far on this trip she feels like she's in some kind of comedy movie with how everything is going. As if it couldn't be more absurd, She had to do a double take. This man, whom she still refused to admit was responsible for being her sperm donor, pulled out a slice of white bread from his pocket. Placing it in the only cooking appliance there was in the dingy room. A toaster.

"Maybe I died and fell in a coma." Erin groaned, grabbing her pajamas and went to change in the bathroom.

"Hey, you want anything?" By the time Elwood had turned around, Erin was already sleeping in one of the beds. His shoulders slumped down, and he gently stepped over. Noticing Erin was shivering a little, so he pulled the blanket up closer to her chin.

"Sleep tight, Missy."

[atypicalstrong]

vent incoming

So two of my friends moved to South Korea and weren't able to take their cats with them immediately, so I agreed to foster them for 6 months until their first vacation so they could come collect them.

Little did I know that 3 years later I would still have these cats, because it turns out that importing pets more than 6 months after you immigrate is incredibly difficult, and the owners didn't do any proper research beforehand, and also didn't save any money to get it done. And STILL aren't saving money to get it done, and are instead begging all their associates for money (by taking commissions they aren't actually doing - a mutual friend has literally 30 works they still haven't received) every step of the way when we have to get health tests and certificates and lab reports done.

And it turns out everything we've done so far has been for nothing because its all been in my name, and they're gonna have to redo all the expensive and time consuming tests in their name. Which means finding a vet that will do all this legal paperwork in someone else's name who isn't in the country to verify anything at all and is just taking my word for it. Which is uhhhhhhh an issue to say the least.

I found all this out today first thing in the morning when my friend was like "the pet relocation company says none of this will work so can you and your vet fix it?" And when I was like "I'll ask but I'm pretty sure we have to start over bc anything else would legally be fraud since technically I own your cats right now" (because its been 3 fucking years) they had the fucking GALL to break down crying and say it hurts so much to hear their pets aren't legally theirs, and I have to make my vet fix it because they've been doing a "trash job" (they haven't, they've actually been very helpful and the only fuck up that happened before this was a lab's fault, not my vet's), and they can't afford to do it all again, and that they "need me to be in their corner right now".

And then they just shut down when I tried to offer any solutions that DON'T involve legal fraud. Like coming back and doing it themselves instead of using a company, which is "just not possible" (no reason given when asked why not, literally just silence), or doing it as a "sale" so it makes sense that its all in my name ("that won't work because the regulations are probably different").

Like, I'm sorry you waited until the last minute to check if we were doing everything correctly! But that's not my fault, or my responsibility! I never wanted it to take this long, and I certainly don't want to keep your fucking cats! They keep destroying all my stuff, which you've offered to replace but noticeably haven't! Even if I wanted to, I CAN'T keep your fucking cats because I'm moving next year!

Nevermind I've got a bunch of my own shit going on that y'all don't seem to care about at all, like fighting for disability benefits, and being sued for medical debt (my court date is LITERALLY tomorrow and they haven't asked about it once since I told them last month), and affording rent and food! They're over in South Korea spending all their money on take out and "retail therapy" (and to be fair some genuine unforseen costs, but that just makes the other stuff more infuriating) not saving anything for the cats, while I'm over here going to food banks and hygiene pantries just to stay afloat!

I don't even want to be friends with them anymore at this point! And that really hurts, because there was a time when they were the best friends I'd ever had. But now? After all this? How can they expect me to trust or rely on them, for anything? After everything I've done for them THIS is the thanks I get?

I don't even know what else to say. If they don't SINCERELY apologize for this, and also accept they fucked up by not doing the research or saving any money, and ALSO come to terms with the fact that we have to start over, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Stop being friends with them and rehome the cats, I guess. I don't WANT to do that but I don't think I'll have any other choice.

I've put up with so much and for what. For fucking what. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh...

[carica-ficus]

I've watched the infamous hbomberguy video about plagiarism the other day and cannot stop thinking about "content mills" (and consumerism) and its integration in the book community.

I have a bookstagram account because the community there is much more active (and most of my reading/writing friends use it as their primary social site), but it is filled to the brim with so much stupid and uninteresting content. Moreover, I'd say that the Croatian bookstagram community is even worse than the bookstagram community as a whole.

I'm lucky to have really cool mutuals on there that don't follow trends or don't feel the need to play influencers, but so many people do. I unfollowed at least 15 profiles yesterday because I couldn't take it anymore. None of their posts showed any love for reading and so much of their content is sponsored.

Worst of all is they're not even advertising for the author or their work, it's just for the publisher, which makes no fucking sense, in my humble opinion. Since when are books about congratulating a specific publisher on deciding to publish a book, and not for the author or their painstaking and beautiful work?

Not to mention, I rarely see Croatian publishers actually publishing Croatian authors! The biggest publishers only ever translate internationally popular works. And yes, I do realize why that's the case (there's barely any money in this industry and most of our publishers would perish if it weren't for the profit coming from translations), but for fucks sake, if you're advertising for yourself, at least throw in a few of our own authors. At least make our bookstagramers support their own community, the community without which they wouldn't even exist!

And you know what's the worst of the worst? The constant fake amazement in all those countless sponsored reviews, for books barely any of them even read! They call themselves creative, but most of their content wouldn't even exist without the creative work of others. All those giveaways, AI generated pictures, thousands upon thousands of advertisements for publishers only looking for profit, posting content just to post something, promotions for books which barely even hit the shelves, and the never-ending drama of who copies whom in a community where no one is original.

Yes, I know ads also provide a profit for editors, translators, authors, illustrators and everyone else involved in the publishing industry, but I ask you another thing: Why are these people never mentioned in the posts then? Why are they not given any credit? Because it's hard or because, to them - the publishers and to influencers - it doesn't matter? Why do our publishers print translated works with AI covers? Why do we translate and print new editions of old, popular, international works, instead of giving our own writers a chance? Why do some publishers chose to use an AI generated cover instead of hiring a local artist? How much profit do writers, artists, editors and translators really achieve compared to the publishers?

"Oh, but you don't understand. The industry would collapse if we did it differently."

Yeah, because money is the most important thing when it comes to publishing books. It isn't about the author. It isn't about supporting creative endeavors. It isn't about supporting the local community. It isn't about the story and its idea. Yeah, you're right. None of that matters. Because reading is about consumption and about making money.

Spare me.

Let it collapse then. Maybe we don't deserve all the people brave enough to share their work with millions of people who don't even care about them.

In hindsight, maybe I'm bitter because I spend a lot of time surrounded by the truly creative community - writers, illustrators, photographers and all other forms of artists, so I'm angry they're looked over in the community that should praise them. Or maybe I'm just fed up with all the dishonesty and advertisement these co-called influencers push for a few free books. You decide. I'm just saying that I'm tired of it.

[lionheartslowstart]

Moved In (Again)

The last month or so has been pretty hectic and definitely stressful. My boyfriend "Thomas" and I finally moved out of the horrible apartment we were living in. While I initially liked the idea of moving back to the city, it was just so not what we thought it was going to be.

Obviously, the main issue was finances. Living in the city, really any of the five boroughs, has become exponentially more expensive than it was when I lived there seven years ago. And the type of job Thomas has requires a lot of commuting (which also adds up after a while), so it was just not a sustainable situation. On top of cost, I realized that living in the city is just not what I want anymore, which honestly makes me really sad. Several years ago, I thrived in New York. I loved living in that kind of apartment and joining in on the hustle and bustle every day. The only reason I left was because my POS ex forced me to. Maybe it's because I'm older, or because I have different needs now, but I came to the hard realization that, while I adore Manhattan, it's just not the kind of environment I can thrive in anymore. It does kind of make sense, when I think about how attached I've become to LA, and the kind of lifestyle that's over there, that I would in turn end up floating away from the NYC lifestyle. But I'm sad anyway, because I'm still losing something. And I can't help but be angry at my ex for that too. Just something else he stole from me.

But I digress. Funnily enough, we were able to move back to my old apartment building, though it is (thankfully) a different unit. I always had a good relationship with the management team there, so when I reached out to them to let them know we were moving again and ask if they had any availabilities, they were thrilled! They told me I was a model tenant, and they would love to have me back. I'm lucky I had an in, because they only had ONE apartment available and they weren't even advertising it online.

Thomas and I fell in love with the apartment as soon as we saw it. It's almost one thousand square feet, bigger than any apartment either of us had ever lived in. It even has a cute little den area where we keep the desk, the bookcase, and all of our witchy things. The living room is spacious, with enough room to put up the pole, and the bedroom is perfect: not so big that it feels weirdly empty, and not so small that you have to squeeze around the furniture. The layout is fantastic, and there's tons of room for our various art, with still plenty of wall space to spare! Unfortunately, due to the model of the unit and its layout relative to the rest of the building, we had to give up the balcony, but we mutually decided that was the right call. Again, ours was the only available unit at the time, and we wanted to pounce on it before anyone else could snap it up. But even if there were other units available, we probably still would have gone with this one. I can't explain it, but it just feels so..."us."

The application process was super smooth. Management even agreed to put our applications in a few weeks early, because they really wanted us to be the people to get it! Then it was just cleaning the old place, packing all our stuff, moving our furniture and things, unpacking our stuff, and (my favorite part) organizing our stuff. Those few weeks were the most stressed I'd been in quite some time. But now, we're finally more or less settled. We just have to finish hooking up all our gaming systems, do some cleaning, and then there's just a few odds and ends here and there (like figuring out where the heck to hang the Pride flags), and we're all done!

We've only been officially living here for just under a month, but we're SO much happier than we were in Brooklyn. It's such a great space, and we're both familiar with the area. I'm familiar with the area because I grew up not far from here. Thomas is familiar with the area because he did live in my old place with me for a couple of months before we moved to the city, and that man has the memory of a steel trap. Additionally, we're only about 40 minutes from my parents now, when we used to have to drive almost two hours to get to their house! Of course, we're still pretty far from Thomas' folks, but you'd be surprised what a difference an hour makes when you're driving long distance. We're also not too far from the city. The commute using public transport is easy and not terribly expensive, so it's there when we want to go visit. But we also happen to be sandwiched between a small city and a large town, both of which have great restaurants and fun recreational activities available. So it's really a win-win. We'll have fun no matter where we go!

I'm so excited to start a new life here with the person I love. The energy in this space is so much brighter, warmer, and happier than it has been anywhere I've lived before. I may not want to stay in New York forever, but this finally feels like home.

[merpiratebiologist]

Part 1:

To the girl I loved with all my heart, I know you have a boyfriend. I'm very happy that your monogamous dream of a relationship is working out, I cannot envy you of it. I'm afraid I said some hurtful things when we parted, but I'm also hurt that you didn't fight for me the way you promised you would. I'm hurt that you felt the need to defend yourself to me the way you do to people you hate, as if I'd ever asked for an explanation- as if I ever would. I've seen you include friends in your life even when it was falling apart- but you didn't extend the same courtesy to me and it made me feel small and very inhuman, which I feel is quite cruel. I could tell that you wanted to cut me out and that I wasn't wanted; I was alone and my own parents hated me, in no small part because of the things you and I had gone through together and because I'd chosen to leave with you when I did. Expecting you to stay to prioritise me in some similar manner would have meant my love was conditional, and that didn't sit right with me so I did the worst thing possible and beat you to the chase- it leaves me feeling less dignified than I'd like, but I still have some dignity left so I do not regret it.

Really the crux of the issue, however, was that you never understood my friendship with you, or really with anyone I conduct a friendship with. I love all my friends romantically, and I see how this may be confusing to you, but I do, I do love all my friends romantically- they bring mystery, excitement and a sense of remoteness from the life I've known and truly I'm sorry that I could not be more articulate about that, despite my obvious tendency to run on. I may have written poetry about you, sure- but I didn't mean it in any sexual manner, which was, again- evident in the poem. It made you and your lovely boyfriend uncomfortable however, and for that I apologise. I suppose there was no meaning to telling you that I harbor the feelings of the same romantic platonicity that I do for you, for your boyfriend to some less intense degree (but only because I'd known him for lesser time), so I never told you, but I find myself thinking about it often, still. I loved you both so fully and I wish there weren't some chasm in my chest when I think of it now.

I find that there is something holy about platonic love- a fulfillment that is very unique, an intimacy and an affection that leaves you thinking that the world could be fixed, etc. I've never known how these can be mutually exclusive from romance- neither increases the rapidity of my pulse the way sexual attraction does- they make me feel relaxed and warm and happy though, so I cannot bring myself to feel shame for them anymore: not when they are specifically mutually inclusive for me.

I have laid out all my grievances and now there is nothing left but the love I still hold in my heart; soon, I will forget what is in my heart, I'm sure, but I will carry you still in every cigarette I light under the stars, every dinner I go to I will know your order, when my cramps are killing me I'll know the releif of your hands, every night that I sit in a balcony I will always sit on the ground first, because the chair was always yours and when I'm scared I'll know that comfort exists, because you showed me how it felt. One day, when you list out your own grievances, I can only hope you also remember some things you may have loved about me.

I'm tired and frustrated and lonely so I've decided I'm going to write love notes to all my friends of past and hope they never read these and even if they do I'm super anonymous here, so it's not like they'd figure it out.

[zeltqz]

SPECIAL SOMEONE

ran haitani x fem!reader

summary: you and ran both have feelings for each other, but are so oblivious

tags: 18+ MINORS DNI, slight angst, fluff, body worship, creampie, fem!reader, sub!reader, dom!ran, cockwarming at the end, reader has feelings for ran but is clueless af, mutual pining.

wordcount: 3.6k

You hate Ran Haitani so much. You hate his stupidly hot face, his stupidly hot voice, his stupidly hot body. He’s overall just stupid. 

You hate him because you love him. You agreed to be his friend. That was the plan. That was the agreement. Just friends. You knew you could do it. 

Prove the rumour false that eventually if you’re friends with Haitani Ran that you will fall in love. You were so confident you could. You were going 8 years strong. 

Only for it to all tumble down 2 years ago when you realised you had feelings for him. When he touched you, hours after you were still staring at the spot where he touched. Didn’t even have to be an intimate touch. Just a pat on the back, or even when he poked your nose. 

Something small and stupid would have your body bursting out in a rage of goosebumps. Your skin burnt with anticipation, wondering where he’d touch you next. 

Hours after your conversation with him, you'd remember everything he said and just replay it over and over. You’d even subconsciously analyse his facial expressions, playing mind games with yourself to see how he was truly feeling in that moment. 

It was weird. How did you go from being able to hang out with him as a friend, to wanting him to bend you over the nearest desk and have his way with you. 

Maybe the sensation you were feeling was just lust. It had to be. It’s the only logical explanation. 

So explain this sick feeling you felt in your chest when you found out Ran was ‘talking’ to someone. You found out from your co-worker who happened to be roommates with the girl Ran was seeing. 

You felt a range of emotions. Anger. Why, though? Jealousy. Makes sense. Sadness. Once again, why though?

You had 0 right to be sad over this. He’s a friend (definitely nothing more) that is moving on with his life and getting into a relationship. It’s selfish of you to only think about yourself. Yet you do anyway. 

—

"I got us the tickets to that movie you wanted to see." Ran says, sliding the tickets along the table. You look at them and force a smile. 

"Thanks." The tone of your voice completely betrays the smile on your face. Ran raises a brow, confused as to why you’re all of a sudden upset. 

"You okay?" He asks, genuinely concerned as to why his best friend is acting up. Not even a week ago, you were bragging about the movie and how excited you were to finally see it and how devastated you'd be if you didn't get the tickets in time. Now you're acting like you don't even care about the movie anymore. 

You put your mug down on the table a bit too aggressively, hoping that the bottom didn’t shatter. Thankfully, it didn’t and you breathe out a sigh of relief but also act like it never happened. "I’m good."

"No, you’re not. Don’t even lie to me. I know you better than anybody. You’re my friend."

There he goes again. The constant reminder that you’ll always be friends and nothing more. You’re not sure if he’s purposefully dense, or if he just enjoys riling you up. 

"I’m not lying." You head over to the sink and pour the contents of it down the sink, suddenly not interested in drinking anymore. You just want to lay down forever in your comfy bed and hope to God there’s someone better than Ran out there. 

You know there isn’t. Which is exactly why you deemed yourself doomed. 

"Is it a guy? Has someone hurt you?" 

"No."

"A girl?—"

"Can we just drop it please? I have a headache." You dig through the cabinets for some paracetamol, hoping that Ran would use his single brain cell and piece together the fact that you weren't in the mood to talk to him today. Especially about a guy whose so-called hurt you.

If only he knew he was that guy.

How might he react? Would he call off the friendship? Tell you to get over him and move on? Or would he fall for you back? Yeah right.

"Not until I find out what's wrong with you. I don't like seeing you this way. I miss seeing you smile." 

You roll your eyes as you search the cabinets. It's a blessing he can't see you right now, only your back is facing him. He misses your smile. Isn't that adorable and cheesy?

"Hey." His voice is right by your ear, making you jump and drop the paaracetmol packet. When did he get that close? And why didn't you hear him coming? 

"What is wrong with you?" You refer to him suddenly scaring you with his deep voice and push him away from you. 

"Nah, what's up with you. You'd been acting weird all week."

You'd think he might piece two and two together. He'd been seeing that girl a week ago. Since then, your behaviour has been off the charts. But he isn't that smart. 

"There's nothing with me." You look at him, fiddling with the packet with your fingers. "I'm fine, see." You force out a smile, teeth and all. The way he's looking down at you right now is almost like he's insulted you're even trying to lie to him.

Eventually, you just sigh and drop the smile. Face contorting back to its original deadpan. 

"It's a guy isn't it."

Looks like he isn't as stupid as you thought he might be. He's 75% right, if only he could figure out who the guy is, then you'd give him some pointers. 

"Y/N, I told you to stop trying with that one dude."

Hearing this, you whip your head to face him. "What?"

"You know, that one guy I said I don't like. He hurt you didn't he?"

You told Ran about this guy you liked. Describing him in the best way possible, except leaving out his name. Which happened to be Ran Haitani. You told him how you liked him so much, but he acted like you didn't exist. 

Maybe you exaggerated it a little bit. But you had to, because Ran is very keen. He has a sharp eye and plus he's very arrogant and self absorbed. He would know instantly if you were describing him. So you lied sorta.

"I told you to move on from that dude. He hurt you didn't he?" 

"Yes, he did." You admit and unlike before, you're telling the full truth. There's some sort of heat radiating off Ran's body, anger almost. 

"Who is the guy?" 

"It doesn't matter." 

Ran shakes his head. "It matters to me. Tell me who the guy is so I can go fuck him up for hurting you."

"Ran–"

"No, seriously. Who in their right mind would ever hurt you? You're such an amazing person, you're kind, you're pretty as hell, you're fun to be around, you—" Ran pauses and instantly closes his mouth.

You can't help but notice the delayed reaction and feel a sense of hope returning in your body. "You think I'm pretty?"

"I mean– yeah. You think I'm hot don't you?"

You don't like how he suddenly shifted the conversation over to you. "Uhm." 

"Friends can think their other friends are hot. It's no big deal."

You feel your heart sink down to your knees. "Oh, yeah. True, I guess." You quickly turn around, facing the counter. Your back facing Ran once more. You're fighting the urge to cry again. Just for a split moment, a small second you thought there was hope that he might like you back, only for it to get shut down within a matter of moments.

You're so delusional for thinking he'd ever like you.

Ran can't help but notice the way your shoulders deflated after the conversation. As if all the effort he was putting into the conversation to bring you back up from the slums was all useless. 

"Hey…" he starts, his voice softer than you'd ever heard it before. "If you want, I could help you take your mind off things."

You pause what you were doing, trying to process his words. As if his words weren’t enough, you feel his fingers trail up your sides, stopping on your waist. 

You turn your head around to face him, about to ask him what he’s doing when he starts to peck at your ear. His lips graze the shell of your ear before he whispers, “Let me take your mind off that guy.”

“…Okay.” You mumble, tilting your head back and to the side to give Ran room to trail kisses down your skin. You don’t have the time nor the energy to explain to Ran that he’s ���that guy’. Not like you can focus anyway as his soft lips brush against your neck. 

Biting your lip, you let out soft audible moans and reach behind you, raking your fingers inside his soft purple hair. Ran finds out that he loves the feeling of your nails combing his hair, gently scratching his scalp. 

It’s doing something to him. He needs you so badly right now. He pushes himself closer to you, making sure you feel just how hard you’re making his cock, lazily grinding his cock against your ass. 

His fingers slide up your shirt, caressing all over your stomach, sluggishly palming your breasts over your bra. 

“God,” you breathe out when he tweaks your nipple with his fingers. He chuckles against your neck, the vibrations blending in with the shivers running through your body. 

“You like that? Like this?” He gently pinches your nipple again, feeling the hard bud recoil against his fingers. You never knew your nipples were this sensitive till he touched you. 

“Yeah, it feels so good.” 

“Gonna make you feel even better pretty.” Ran spins you around to face him, his hands pinch at your jaw as he leans down to kiss you. Your hands immediately fly up to his cheeks, pulling him impossibly closer to the point there’s no gap between you both. 

He tardily coaxes his tongue inside your mouth, tangling it with yours, licking at the roof of your mouth. You have to pull away to catch your breath, but you’re barely a hair's width away from him. 

Your lips are brushing as you try to regain your composure. This was all you ever wanted, now that you have it, it feels so good. You never want this to end. 

But unfortunately, you know it will.

“You good?” He asks, grip on your waist only tightens when he feels you trying to pull away. 

“I’m good. I just don't think we should be doing this.”

Ran’s face falls flat. Of course he doesn’t show it, but he’s severely disappointed. “Please?” He can’t even form a full sentence, brain not fully active when all he’s thinking about is making you feel good. 

You look up at him, into those stupidly mesmerising purple eyes. You feel bad for rejecting him. This is what you wanted. But you know if you go through with this, it’ll only cause more pain. 

But you just can’t say no to him. 

So you lean up, dragging your fingers through his soft hair and kiss him again. Except it’s more passionate this time. Ran releases a low moan into your mouth when you gently tug at his hair. 

He just realised how much he likes it when you play with his hair. It’s such an intimate thing to do with a friend. Ran’s hands slide down your waist, pulling you onto the counter.

He settles between your legs, hands fondling with the plush skin of your thighs. He licks over your top lip, making you pull back to flick your tongue over his own and use the grip you have on his face to keep him still while you suck on his tongue. 

His fingers dig crescent shapes into your skin as you fondle with his tongue, only pulling back to reveal a line of spit. “Fuck, you’re driving me crazy.” He mumbled against your lips. 

Before you can even respond, he’s kissing you again. You wrap your legs around him, pushing him closer to you. “Can we take this upstairs?” You ask, gripping onto his shirt tight. 

Ran hums, kissing you for a few more seconds before finally pulling away. He hoists you up and carries you into your bedroom, placing you on the bed. Not even a second later, he’s on top of you, kissing you all the while trailing his hands down your stomach, to the sides of your shirt. 

You feel him start to tug at the fabric so you lift your arms all the way up into the air so he can help you remove it. Leaning back down, he licks a stripe along the valley of your breasts, taking both hands to push your tits closer together, limiting the space between your cleavage as he runs his tongue along the skin. 

You look down at him with parted lips and shallow breaths. His tongue licks all over the exposed chest not covered by your bra. You feel sticky and moist, but his needy actions are only turning you on more. 

He slips a finger underneath your bra and tugs; a slight indication that he wants it gone. You sit up and fiddle with your bra strap, successfully unhooking it and watching it fall from your chest and onto your lap. 

“I knew you had gorgeous tits.” His hand darts out to play with your breasts, squeezing it like a stress ball.

You chew his words in your head, repeating them over and over. I knew you had gorgeous tits. Was he thinking about you in his spare time? God, you hope so. 

You cover your face with your hands when he attaches his lip to your nipple. His breath is hot against your skin, its fucking ticklish. 

“Ran, take this off.” You wrap your leg around his waist, gesturing to his clothes. His words are muffled with your breast in his mouth, and he’s too comfortable to take it out. 

“Ran…” you moan out, trying to sit up only for him to push you back with his body weight, pinning your hands above your head as he flicks your nipple with his tongue, swirling it around before sucking it sensually. 

Your body is starting to jerk, an unfamiliar pleasurable sensation when he drags his teeth against your nipple. He’s showing one part of your body so much attention, it’s driving you crazy. 

You can’t even touch him either. He really knows his business. 

Eventually he pulls away, lips trailing up and down your stomach as he makes a b-line for your pussy. His fingers bunch up your shorts and tug them down swiftly. 

You immediately close your legs. This is a whole new territory, one that completely crosses the boundaries between friends. “Come on pretty, open up.”

He prys your legs open and takes a second to just admire how beautiful you look underneath him. He massages your thighs as he spreads you open to get a closer glance at your pussy. 

You feel so embarrassed right now, like you’re being scrutinised by your doctor or something. He isn’t speaking either, just raking his eyes all over your naked body. 

He places his hands on the back of your knees and pushes them towards your chest, testing out your flexibility but also to expose more of your pussy. 

Covering your face with your hands just isn’t enough no more. You grab a pillow not only to shield yourself from his intense gaze, but to drown out your moans as he begins to scissor you open. 

His fingers push past your tight wall and start to pump in and out at a gracious speed. Eventually, he would curl his fingers upwards, scouring your insides to get a good feel of you. 

He groans at how tight your walls are squeezing his fingers and he feels his cock twitch inside his pants. “Do you ever play with yourself?” He asks, referring to how tight you are. It’s almost like you’re a virgin. 

“I do.” You admit, lifting the pillow from your face slightly so he can hear your words clearer. 

“Yeah? You do? You thinking about me or what?” He asks, light heartedly, but means every single word. His eyes search your own for the truth, already knowing the answer even if you try to deny it. 

“I—,” you open then close your mouth, “Mhm.”

“I knew it.” He digs his fingers deeper, making you hide behind the pillow again to let out a long moan. “Tell me what you be thinking about baby.”

“You inside.”

You feel like you’re speaking a foreign language. Can’t even form basic sentences anymore. It’s embarrassing how dumb you turn from his touch. 

“You want me inside you? Want me to fill you open, ‘s that it?” He asks, voice smooth like honey as he taunts you for an answer. 

“Yes, please.” You gasp out when he removes his fingers and urges you to pull out his cock. You sit up and reach inside his pants, pulling his hard cock out and stroking it. Ran’s big hand covers your own and he helps you jerk him off. 

You kneel on the bed and to get to his height and then kiss him. You twist your wrist in circles to stimulate all around his cock. You know you’re doing something right when you feel it twitch in your hold. 

Without breaking the kiss, Ran gently pushes you back down onto the bed as he aligns his cock to your entrance. You look down at where the two of you are about to be connected, then look up at his face. 

Your moan falls open, a loud moan escaping your lips when he slowly starts to push inside. Your hands fly up to his shoulders, gripping onto his shirt for dear life as the stretch is starting to sting. 

“F—fuck! Ran!” You throw your head back the longer he pushes inside, the more it hurts. But it’s not painful. 

Ran kisses your temples to try and soothe you. “It’s okay baby, almost there. Be good for me, yeah?”

“Mhm.” You respond, digging your nails into his skin to brace yourself when he finally bottoms out. 

“Shit…” he pants out against your skin, kissing down your neck and shoulders as he tries his hardest not to move. It’s so tempting. The way you’re squeezing him so well. 

He waits until you give him the okay before he starts his thrusts. You wrap your arms around his shoulder, pulling him down for a kiss. Your lips swallow his own, parting his lips with your tongue as you try to feel as much of him as you can. 

You break the kiss first when he increases in speed, his thrusts now jolting you forward everytime they slap against yours. “F—fuck, you feel so fuckin’—,” he has to bite his lip to conceal his moan. “’S perfect f’me baby. Just take it— just like that.” 

He grabs the headboard for leverage as he speeds up. Your fingers scratch all over his back and along his nape. “R—Ran! Don’t stop, I’m so cl—close— ohmygod!” 

Ran grabs onto your waist, applying as much pressure as he can to keep your body caged on the bed as he drills himself further inside you, hitting spots that you didn’t even know existed. 

“Fuck—” his thrusts come to a stop and you feel his cum squirting inside you, staining your walls. Your body convulses and you simultaneously release. Ran shudders when your walls tighten up around his length he swears he can feel himself cumming for a second time. 

He collapses on top of you, but you don’t push him away despite his heavy body weight. Instead, you once again, play with his chair and feel his lips curl into a smile against your skin. 

“I love it when you do that.”

“Yeah, I could tell.” You rake your fingers through his scalp, scratching lightly and you swear he’s drifting off too sleep. 

You take this moment to get in touch with your feelings and thoughts. What’s going to happen now? Is he going to forget this ever happened and continue being ‘friends’ with you? 

Or is this going to start a whole new relationship?

“Ran?”

He hums. “Hm?”

“Why did you fuck me? Like, was it because you were bored or something?”

He takes a moment before gathering the strength to lift himself off of you. Propping himself up on his arms, he looks down at you. “You know how you said you had someone?"

You have no clue where he's going with this, but decide to let him go on regardless. "Yeah…"

"Well, I have someone too." 

You try to ignore the twinge in your heart, but still let him continue talking. 

"Yeah, she's so perfect. She's sweet, honest, kind, beautiful like honestly stunning. She's everything to me, she—" The longer the list goes on, you realise he's starting to describe this someone in full detail. But all the information was going in one ear and out the other. If you were actually paying attention, you'd realise once he started to describe her looks, he would be describing you.

"Seems like you really like this girl." You state, voice monotone with a hint of sadness. 

"Yeah, I do." Ran bends down and steals a kiss from your lips. "It's you, stupid."

You blink a couple times, putting all the dots together before realising a loud 'ohhh'. Ran chuckles at how slow you were to piece things together and nudges his forehead against yours. 

"I'm guessing your someone was me?"

You try to look away, but are stopped by his hand pinching your jaw. You look deep into his eyes, feeling shy all of a sudden. "Yeah, you were."

[rcksmith]

Geniuses — Five Hargreeves

Request: “Hi! I am just the annon that recently sent the request 3,11,16 and 22. You asked what I wanted, I forgot to put that I got them from the “fluff” prompt list. I am so sorry!! And don’t worry! It’s not your fault I didn’t see the list 😂😂 but thank you so much! I really like your fics and your writing style so much! 🥺🥺💖💖”

Fluff prompts:

3“You’re staring again.”

11. “Wow- you look…amazing.”

16. “I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass.” 16. “I heard that!” 1 .“You were supposed to!”

22. “well the probability of that is 0, but you go ahead”

A/N: We not tolerate any pedophilia here !!

I write about Five with their 20s. I write the same about the characters of Harry Potter.

Haha love, it’s okay💖💖 i hope you like, because I really like to writing tis. Thank you for resquest. Love u❤️

English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Requests are open. Love you ❤️

Couple: Five Hargreeves/Fem! Reader.

Warnings: nothing, just bad words and fluff.

(gif not mine)

— — — — —

It was fun to think that Five never had an equal opponent, someone as smart, canny, sarcastic and ironic as he. Five Hargreeves was always used to being the smartest person in the room, always being the one with the quickest response on the tip of his tongue.

And, well, it was fun to think that it all went up in the air when you showed up.

You were cruelly intelligent, able to correct errors in Five's math equations, sarcastic and always had a cheeky smile on your face. You weren't used to being underneath, which is why when Five wanted to show that he was better than you, well, you wouldn't give up.

But unlike the time traveler, you didn't have super powers, you weren't extraordinary, you didn't have any skills, but that didn't stop you from being equal to him in every other way.

Whenever Five wanted to come out on top with the argument that he had powers and you didn’t, you raised an eyebrow, looked at him as if he had made a basic math mistake, and said: “I don’t need powers, I’m a genius, you should try to be one too.” And it made him furious, and, truth be told, you just liked to tease him too.

But just as the two of you had personality differences, the ability to handle emotions and people well was different from Five. You were kind, funny and wanted to make people comfortable around you. Being a genius didn't mean you shouldn't be a nice person, and Five usually forgot about it.

As you and Five spent more time together, it became clear that you two were no longer able to stay away from each other. Five liked (secretly) to have someone to really talk to. Someone that understood and followed his line of reasoning, that understood the equations he did, and that considered him a genius instead of crazy with some reasoning.

Being with you was like, for Five, meeting another human being in a dog-only world, and when he kind of told you that in other words, you laughed out loud and said: “Or how to find an equal sign in an equation.” And that's when he felt his heart pounding for you.

Five remembered when you beat him in chess for the first time, no one had ever done it before, and he agreed to play with the full awareness that he was going to win again. Well, that is not what happened.

When you checkmate his king, Five was stunned. He leaned over the board, looking at the pieces as if they had created a head. And you laughed, leaned back in your chair in a victorious smile.

“This is impossible.”

“it's actually just intelligence, why don't you use it now and then?” You were kidding, it was obvious, you couldn't stand hurting people and Five knew it. The dynamics of the two of you who were exchanging barbs.

“You must have stolen or something, this is very much your style” He returned, eyes on you as you laughed “Let's play again and I will give you a the most brutal defeat.”

“Well the probability of that is 0, but you go ahead” You accepted, first because you wanted to show that you would beat him as many times as possible, and second because there was nothing you liked more than spending time with Five.

The matches started, and you won every time. And when the sunset and the breeze was cold, you and Five looked at each other, with the peach rays of the sun illuminating their faces, and the mutual smile they gave out sweetly.

He were really enjoy the game and you knew that, and he knew you not just want the victory. You two know Just more matches would make you spend more time together. And... Five didn't remember if anyone ever really engaged in a game just to want to be around him.

But things really got more real and serious when Vayna asked you to go to one of her violin performances too. And, well, you wore a long, red dress, firm in all the right places, and Five couldn't get his eyes off you just one second.

It was as if, when he saw you, all the equations in his life had been solved. And a single thought rang in his mind: “I want her”

And the certainty of that was absolute. He wanted you as an overwhelming force, which shook his whole body. He needed you like needed oxygen. And there was no way to deny that anymore.

But it all happened in a fraction of a second, and you had just chosen that moment to approach him and ask:

“So, how am I look? Are you going to make a little joke about berries or something?” You laughed.

But Five could think of nothing but that if there were the personification of sin and perfection, it would be you. He looked at you as a whole, a fucking beautiful woman with a fucking brilliant mind. You are incredible and he had no other adjectives for you.

“Wow- you look… amazing.” You felt all the intensity and truth in that sentence, and your heart pounded in your chest.

For, truth be revealed, you had dressed up for him. Because wanted him to think you were beautiful. Because you thinking him were a young God with all the vigor and beauty.

Five really wanted to focus on anything but you. Not In the swing of your body, in the outline of your lips, in how he wanted to put you out of that dress. He really tried. But his eyes were always drawn to you at the end of the effort, as if you were the only thing worth seeing.

“You’re staring again.” Luther whispered in his right ear, while Five kept his eyes on you for a moment that seemed to him seconds, but to Luther it was hours.

But who could blame him? You looked like a mirage, too beautiful to be true. And Five wanted to record every detail of it in memory.

“Take care of your life!” He replied, taking his eyes off you.

After that night, Five already knew that he could no longer keep his hands off you. He couldn't just look at you anymore when the hunger to touch you started to hurt physically. As soon as you got back to the mansion, he grabbed you by the wrist, in a strong, firm grip, and pulled you with him as he climbed the stairs towards his own room.

Five needed you. A kiss, a caress, a body-to-body contact, anything, he just needed it. And it had to be now, he not wait for you to go home and come back later, he couldn't wait days...damn it! He couldn't wait seconds!

Then he knocked and locked the door behind you when you entered the his room.

“What the hell?” You rubbed your wrist that he must not have measured how much firmly him hold you “You're acting like a nut and I thin ...”

But Five didn't give you time to continue. He couldn't give you time. He could not explain something that for him was still a mess. So he showed you.

Five came to you in big, determined steps, and he fit your face in his hands before tilting and sticking his lips to yours. And then the world seemed to make sense for the first time.

Everything was suspended. The people, the rotation of the earth, the wind, the noise of the streets. Everything went into a black hole and was no longer important. The only thing that really mattered was you. And Five kissed you until the oxygen was strictly necessary.

“I have been waiting for this for some time.” You confessed, and Five blew out a low laugh, answering you with another kiss that ended up taking you to a bed and messy sheets.

After that night, Five became more attached to you, and the relationship grew stronger over the weeks.

“You know this is wrong, right?” You said as you took a look at the equations he had made that afternoon.

Five looked at you with a frown, irritation in his eyes, but you were trying to contain your laughter.

“You have nothing else to do no?”

“Besides seeing your accounts wrong? No.” You had fun, taking one of the white chalk Five was using and erasing an equation from it, redoing it in the right way.

You could feel his gaze on your back, but you did your best not to laugh and return the chalk complacently.

“Now it's right.”

Five looked at the account you redid, and gave you an expression of so few friends that you couldn't control your laughter anymore.

And his expression closed even more. You shook your head and were already on your way to the door when when you heard him mumbling:

“I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass.”

Then you laughed even harder and turned to Five, who had been doing his math again on the walls of his room.

“I heard that!”

“You were supposed to!” He countered without even waiting a second, and then you came back towards him, the laughter still present in your voice, your eyes full of play and love.

You put your arms behind his waist, still with the remnants of laughter coming from yours lips, and leaned your head against his broad back.

Five felt and heard your laughter, and then controlled himself not to laugh too, before giving yours hands that were hugging his waist a few gentle pats.

“You are unbearable.” You mumbled, but full of love overflowing with the words “But I love you.”

Then Five laugh came and he exchanged pats for an affectionate affection on yours hand, signaling that he also found you unbearable, but that he loves you.