#which would be hell to code in
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How this party works in any/every given situation:
Lily: I'm going to hit it really hard in the face, then hit it again
Her sneaky vampire boyfriend: You don't want to try lying to them a bit first, darling? No? Well, at least you make a good shield while I shoot them full of this exciting new poison I 'found'
Their large druid boyfriend: I'm going to throw lightening at everything else then turn into a bear if anything gets too close to our vampire. Healing? I suppose I could do that as well if the Oak Father wills it.
Their 8 foot tall, red, barbarian bestie: Another fight? Fuck yeah! Beers are on you later.
#i felt quite emotional after the intial poly relationship discussion#the only way i'd feel more seen#is if there was a queer romantic life partner option#which would be hell to code in#i realise that#bg3#oc Lily#bg3 oc#astarion#halsin#karlach
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One of the most fundamentally interesting things to me about YJ and writing fic, specifically, is how the blame changes hands depending on the story. On whose perspective you're writing from. On whose story it is at a given moment. The very thing I dislike about viewers missing the point becomes so fascinating to me from within the narrative. Who are these characters when seen through the eyes of their peers?
Who does Jackie become? If you're Shauna, she's the love of your life, and your greatest rival, and the other half of your soul, and the person you blame for your dead dreams. If you're Van, she's the respected captain who earns none of your respect in the woods, the one who left you to die without blinking, the easiest target for teenage malice. If you're Natalie, she's competition for affection, the blabbermouth who can't leave well enough alone, the hands putting themselves to no good use. If you're Jackie? You're just a girl. You're so tired. You're so scared. You're losing face a little more every day, and you're made of despair, and you can't even trust your best friend. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.
Who does Lottie become? If you're Natalie, she's your direct foil, the splinter under the edge of your thumbnail, the smart mouth to match your own, the confusing amalgamation of normal friend and mad ritual. If you're Misty, she's the first shred of obvious power in months, a leader who might need to be nudged back into line, a fascinating exercise in hitching your wagon to the right star early on. If you're Taissa, she's flat-nuts and endlessly frustrating, she's got your girlfriend's full attention, she's incredibly dangerous. If you're Lottie? You're just a girl. You're so tired. You're so scared. You've built a pedestal you can't keep your balance on, and you're not sure if you're right or going crazy, and you didn't want this. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.
From outside the narrative, there is no bad guy. There is no blame. It is no one's fault. It is Man v. Nature, they are doing the best they can with an impossible situation. They're all trying to contribute what they can to the story, for better or worse.
From inside the narrative, you are a teenager trapped in a society constructed entirely of bare-bones-survival with the wildest assortment of girls. From inside the narrative, to stay human, you have to love and fight, respect and judge. Every story changes the game. Every story shifts the blame. A hero in one has the bloodiest hands in the next. And that, to me, is such a thrilling sandbox to play in.
#yellowjackets#yj meta#the piece i'm working on right now is the objective weirdest in terms of van seeing her peers#and i did that very much on purpose. and we'll see after the edits how well it gets across#but it's one of the first times where a van POV allows for NOT trusting lottie#which is fundamentally against canon code#and it's interesting as hell to me to play with. in what contexts would van NOT trust lottie#in what contexts would any of these girls trust or distrust or fall in love with or want to kill one another#how much of that is already present in canon. how small do the changes need to be. twist the dial. see what happens#they're NOT villains. they're NOT heroes. they're just kids. they're just people.#it's not their fault but they won't necessarily see it that way and i love it
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horror has KR dust can't be affected by KR unless it's by another version of himself. horror's (somehow) still a judge dust wants repentance for his wrongdoings,,,, someone must see where i'm going with this
i just wanna imagine like if dust ever feels like he's doing something wrong (like having thoughts about gaining LV again or something,,,,) he'll just ask horror to give him like. a quick little punch. hit him with a bone fragment because he needs to feel his sins crawling on his back from a true judge,,,,
and then horror's more than happy to do it 😁😁😁 he winds that shit up before he bitch slaps dust :33 oh you need to be judged DONT WORRY DUST horror is a totally impartial judge that totally won't find your situation both ridiculous and entertaining 😁😁
#something something this can totally be morphed into a more toxic dynamic#dust keeps asking to get hit.... horror totally agrees#but yk he feels BAD because of course he'd feel bad he still has some sort of fucked up morals#buuuut then again dust IS asking for it.... and he's saying that it'll improve himself!! AND ok maybe horror likes seeing him beat up SO WH#dust thinks that he needs this to stop the thoughts that he has and accidentally slipping into the LV grind mindset#and horror's nice (?) enough to do it!! dust isnt doing this to fufill his own hatred of himself. THIS IS TO IMPROVE HIMSELF!!!!#and also maaaaybe just an eensy bit so he can give horror that mental struggle abt dust since he always thinks that he's better than hin#i'm sorry i cant do toxicity if its not equal on both ends i HATE IT when toxic relationships have like.... 100/0 toxicity in them#i've been LOCKED IN TODAY with writing what the hell#me when i write more than 3 words after not writing since fucking MAY of this year#yeaaaah its soooo fun detailing how i think the trio met eachother#(i am dreading the part where i have to make dust and horror meet killer but ill deal w it later)#i have ideas...... i have bountiful ideas....... i only fear that i write something that none of these 3 would do or say or think..........#ill totally post the dust and horror sections once im done with horror's#but once again..... i fear of killer's section...... i will probably cry during it slash half joking#idk bc i dont want horror's part to be disproportionately longer than dusts.......#and killer's will probably be EVEN LONGER!!! which i DONT like#UGH is it so bad to just want killer to experiment on horror and dust the minute he sees them for the first time IS IT IS IT SO BAD#and then dust and horror have a little mini fight about who gets to be named sans :3333#AND THEN I WANNA GIVE THEM CUTE LITTLE TEMPORARY NICKNAMES UNTIL THEY GET TO SMTH NEW :33333#because killer would know their coded names but horrortale residents wouldnt. horror gets to be named red and dust purple!!! YIPPEE!!!!!!!!#horror cant do more than just ONE hit because dust's KR would probably affect him massively#the og hit is just like 6 dmg and then the KR lasts for like 20 seconds and then dust's at 3/99 HP 💀#tricule hc#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au#horrordust is so silly my favorite pair of mildly tense abt eachother yet surface level friendly frenemies!!! YES!!!!! I LOVE HRDT!!!! ❤️💜
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Haven't fully gotten into Revolutionary Girl Utena yet but from what I've found out, I need to ask.
Is it just me or are there a lot of eerie parallels between Vash & Anthy?
TW: brief but non-graphic mentions of violence, SA & abusive relationships
Like, the big round glasses & red color scheme? The fact that both put on a smiling facade to hide the (rage and) agony they choose to bear out of a tragic sense of responsibility & repentance? How both have become desensitised to the casual violence inflicted on their bodies & psyche? The sense of devotion & loyalty towards someone/thing that's never stable? That they're seen as weapons & vessels instead of people?? The allegories for SA, lack of autonomy, the isolation, the abusive sibling, etc.???
Trigun RGU AU wHEN-
#trigun#vash the stampede#revolutionary girl utena#anthy himemiya#......i'm about to go down another rabbit hole aren't i-#as for who's utena#the biased part of me suggests ww which isn't THAT out of the realm of possibility#he has a sense of justice & determination that rivals vash's#and his image of a 'prince' would be anti-elitist which in itself is unorthodox#also no way in hell will he conform to a school dress code#on the other hand i can also see meryl as utena to a t#esp after seeing her in THAT outfit on twt (those who know know)#c'mon look at me & tell me she and utena wouldn't get along#imma stop rambling now#trigun au#rgu au#EDIT: I've written a fic for this
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this could be kuwameshi if you guys would like. take my hand and trust me
#yyh spoilers in tags#like major spoilers ok#which ig i dont usually tag but whatever#the if i had to choose between the world and you it's you thing happened. and it was KUWABARA like hhhhgghh#yusuke makes him forget his honor code sometimes and i need you guys to see that with me#bc it makes me wanna fling myself into the ocean over and over again#kuwabara literally is like you need to be alive bc otherwise im nothing idek who i am. please let me punch you#and he wails this multiple times#and yusuke would burn down the world himself if he thought it'd help his friends we all know that#and doomed by the narrative? mmm with the ever escalating world ending nature of being a spirit detective thats kinda there#throw in the sudden demon-human age gap post yusuke death 2 and you've got some narrative dooming in a way#but not enough for me to well and truly call them doomed by the narrative#yyh#yu yu hakusho#kuwameshi#kazuma kuwabara#yusuke urameshi#ofc i can handle you at your worst thats basically you all the time is Very kuwa to yusuke#and maybe we can figure out what the hell ur problem is over dinner sometime is Very yusuke to kuwa#actually i should draw that. or make it a textpost or something#but like turning up the protectiveness/possessiveness thats already there with them in line with the whole#'ive watched you die' trauma they Both have means that like. i think they would Need to have each other around for a period of time#in the wake of sensui's bs perhaps. and then yusuke cuts it all off and they start to get a bit healthier about it. hm#i think about them all the time it's like if typicsl shonen rival/bestie homo-ness was kind of scary and painful#like they love each other but the ways they hurt each other and hurt over each other drive me fucking insane
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He said "Fuck this shit, I'm out" I'm crying. Toriyama's Vegeta was so top shelf 🤌
(From Neko Majin Z Chapter 5!)
#dbtag#Idk why Toei didn't lean into Vegeta being a version of Piccolo you could put in funnier situations like Toriyama wrote#He's reserved and professional and proud but JUST immature enough to bite down on a gag that Piccolo would readily swerve#But they take a lot of Goku's chaotic comedy away too in favor of Hero(tm) writing and that is why I keep pulling my hair out aklsjdlas#Toriyama was sO funny and it bums me out so much that the anime derailed how lighthearted and straight up silly the humor is#and replaced it with Misogyny Is Funny and humiliation kinks asjklfhadjk and it's not just my complaints about Vegeta and Bulma!!#“Goku is running away from his very reasonable wife because he is a goofy little guy who doesn't want to do his chores” becomes#“Chichi is Cruel to Goku who is Trying to be a good husband because she doesn't relate to his passions and vilifies him for having them"#which is not their dynamic at all but dudes in the writing room are like “being married is fucking awful amirite fellas hahaha”#but Toriyama was like “Being married is not for everybody but it can be really great if you and your partner are on the same page”#Chichi's reasonable! And Goku isn't romantically wired but Goku can enthusiastically consent to sex and still not enjoy kissing#those things can be and are true for a lot of people! And it makes even more sense if you hc Goku to be aspec (and audhd coded) like I do#Kissing can feel gross and can be a sensory overload for many folks. Doesn't mean they're stupid or innocent.#(although Goku CAN still ride nimbus so idk what Pure entails in this universe askljad)#Like I am the FIRST person to joke and drag Goku about his marriage as an aspec myself but like legit Goten is a Last Night On Earth baby#He knows what sex is. But also between how socially removed Goku is and how Shy and Conservative Chichi it's not out of line#to assume the actual words sex and kiss have never been spoken in that house skljdlajdf I FULLY believe Chichi uses code words#Chichi thinks her son being blonde makes him a delinquent and still uses honorifics with Goku like it is fully reasonable to assume#that the joke of Goku's naivetè centers around the fact that his wife is too embarrassed to talk about Certain Matters in a normal way#While Bulma and Vegeta are slutty hedonistic cityfolk who need jesus (according to chichi probably...and me but I support them)#anyway. point is. Toriyama was funny as hell and Nekomajin is absolutely ridiculous and goofy and has a fully amoral main character#which just reminded me that toei is allergic to letting goku be a gremlin and so vegeta's not allowed to be a gremlin wrangler#even though that's been his job since the day he met raditz alksdjaskljd
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Something about this interaction between Harry & Janeway - specifically Janeway but it's notable that Harry's the one listening because I think, say, Chakotay or B'Elanna might push back against the idolization of this 'it was different back in those days' way of thinking.
#Get the Tranq she's 'Good Old Boys'-ing!#never beating the Starfleet stooge accusations#which I think should have been brought up more between her and Chakotay#instead of just making Chakotay like Starfleet again so they can be together#the Tuvok/Chakotay/Janeway command trio should have been like#Janeway: I love Starfleet in an uncomplicated way and though it's painful sometimes I believe following code is the only way to proceed#Tuvok: I agree with the captain and this makes her believe in her decisions more - though I would attempt to obey her commands even if they#weren't regulation.#<- Janeway doesn't want to examine this#Chakotay: I hate Starfleet because of very valid reasons and I don't think following orders and codes from superiors is the best thing#in every situation. I want everyone here to examine their biases which cannot necessarily be done if biases are written into the#codes. We aren't in Starfleet space. We might have to adapt.#but it's nowhere near that nuanced bc you know. Starfleet Good. Starfleet Good. Starfleet Good. Maquis Bad. Maquis Bad. Maquis Bad.#Or you know: 'Maquis doing this the WROOONG way...violence isn't the answer :(' maybe violence is the answer sometimes.#when it's the only language the people in power understand.#maybe 'let's talk about this' is an insidious military tactic sometimes actually#Also Harry immediately going from 'They falsified logs?' to 'I always wondered it'd be like back then...~'#He and Janeway................Him and Janeway are!!! AGH#People think Harry's way too timid. They think this because he's asian and an ensign so they make him timid & obedient#But he's very willing to break or bend the rules - he's willing to fight he likes action and adventure and he's very similar to Janeway#where they'll both die and go to hell and come back just to save their crew - their friends - their family
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i love when you're just vibing w a new game and you have loose ideas of the characters and suddenly you're hit w a "oh man i have a new favourite don't i" bc uhhhh yeah
#shut up danni's talking#i should make a dragon age liveblog tag maybe bc inquisition is making me feel things#like i was already sucked in w the first two games but inquisition upped the game in some areas#danni liveblogs dragon age#anyways. one of my very minor pet peeves in da is that you get new companions every single game and very very few stick around#so i wasn't expecting to like a lot of the companions in inquisition and that kinda came true considering i have mixed opinions on like.#at least three of them i think. two for certain but one im still unsure abt#those are solas and sera w the other being cole#so i am INCREDIBLY pleased to be like new fave#bc i didn't really have one in 2 it sort of ended up being fenris i liked best but not enough to feel so strongly abt#my new fave btw is dorian he's just so dramatic and though he's prideful its not to an extent that it becomes a vice its endearing#he knows when to push it away sometimes and its great#my favourite non-companion is krem tho#he's so cool#not bc he's trans which he IS and i love him for it but bc he's just really a nice character????#slightly disappointed he's voiced by a woman but his voice actor is one of my favourite game voice actors so i have conflicting opinions#(its jennifer hale. she did female shepard in mass effect and rivet in ratchet and clank)#my second fave companion is varrick he's just. a wonderful friend and i love him.#he's so aro-coded and i love that for him. genuinely would love to be his bestie irl#he's also so supportive of hawke and the inquisitor he's like 'hell this one gets into all kinds of shit i have GOT to be there for them'#anyways. back to dragon age lol
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Heheheheheho I have gotten some of the Dragon Age books (🏴☠️) and this is gonna really let me dig into some stuff, especially my favorite guy Cole, cause now I can read his OG appearance, I want to see how much stuff Cole says, especially during his quest actually makes sense, and how much is in-universe "both sides are right"ing about not listening to what Cole wants to do.
I am mainly talking about Spirit!Cole thanking Inky for not making him change... Despite the fact that thoughout Cole's quest Solas ignores what Cole wants (Like being binded) & wants to do (Kill the guy who beat beyond beating a 12 (at most) year old (most likely, it isn't outright stated (to my memory) the Templar who fucked up the paperwork was also one of the ones who physically abused him, but I feel it's a pretty safe assumption) & got that child killed due to neglect & faced no consequences) but ultimately the choice that causes Cole to thank the player for not changing him is the one where you listen to Solas over Cole (Or well Varric, who also doesn't let Cole do what he wants but is closer to what Cole would have done if he had went alone for the confrontation) & in this route I would say Cole's character changes a lot more, especially as he forgets the original Cole, which... Rubs me wrong, but I'll save my more detailed thoughts for 1. After I fully read Asunder & 2. Either a full Cole analysis or a detailed post about my thoughts on his quest & routes (& maybe how I'd rewrite them, as a Autistic person & a ally to the aroace community)
Anyways my point is that I want to see how true it is characters rejected or wanted to change Cole, I want to see what leads him to feel that having two men argue & tell him who he is supposed to be & do only to have a third person decide out of those two's options for what he should do is remotely a situation where he's been accepted.
#talk tag#my meta#cole meta#da cole#dai cole#dragon age cole#anti Solas#anti varric#just a lil like I love them but also holy hell you can tell they are in a sense in Cole's quest meant to#repesent ''parents who *have to deal with* Autistic children & make their choices for them#which ultimately comes down to how Cole is infantlized despite being around the same age as the intended age for the HoF during DAO#but since he's a Autistic-coded man he is treated by the narrative & thusly by characters like he is far younger & can't make his own choice#& only by losing parts of that coding is he treated a little more like a adult either losing touches of ''humanity''#or having to start having relationships like how a allo nurotypcial would#anyways I am curious if the book has some of these issues or if it is mainly a DAI thing since tbh it has a Ableism issue#I do know that Cole in the book is allowed to be a lot more threatening which I am excited to see for myself#let him be fucked up he is a spooky ghost serial killer with messy morals & messed up ideas on how to help#also I should make my meta/thoery/hc about how the spirit vs demon dycomity is BS & is more based on if#a spirit fights back/has desires that aren't convinent for the mortals around it#''oh it isn't a sprit of justice who wants me dead for killing those mages... it's a demon of vengeance yeah''#''this spirit wants things & isn't just doing what I tell it to... Demon of desire''#anyways thoughts for a different day when I have done more research but it ties into Cole#because how actually different is it to mercy kill mages in hopes of being seen vs kill countless people some of whom are very much-#just acting with survival or protection of their people#in like the grand scheme of the system that decides when something is a spirit & it's a demon#why is it fine for Cole to kill to end others pain but if he does it for himself he is a Demon?#anyways ty for reading#child abuse#child death
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whenever i read fics i always end up thinkin of a song for the fic or like, th chapter and then i canr stop associating the fic w/ those songs
#i listen to sm fckn music tht all the songs end up bein wildly diff too#ong i cld make playlists for multi ch fics#*stares at electric rebels*#actually u know what#i will#here r some songs:#our song by matchbox twenty is (early ch) electric rebels treemina coded#butterfly by bts (song is abt the fear of losing a person and in electric rebels this is very much true#everyone has the fear of not only losing their lives but losing their family(+found) as well#time is very much sacred n stuff like that)#humming by turnover (thr lyrics “with you ill make it out alive” sold me on this one)#viva la vida by coldplay specifically for the capital students because of how disillusioned theyve become due to the games#and forming relationships w/ their tribute#really good examples are vipsania and hilarius#rhythm of love by plain white t's makes me think of all the good moments treech n lamina have had despite their circumstances#(its also just a them song in general)#young volcanoes by fall out boy for the tributes!!! it seems light a more lighthearted victory song almost?#a “we will persevere” thing but more full of complete happiness#think abt the scene of teslee mizzen n treech running down the hill in jubilation (obvs before shit went down)#would that i by hozier just makes me think of when treech first met lamina up in the tree#which witch by florence + the machine is definitely for vipsania just before & after the bombing (aspen too but to a lesser degree almost)#“whos a heretic now” “im miles away hes on my mind” yeahhhh#love grows (where my rosemary goes) by edison lighthouse is jst a rlly good treemina song#rousseau by nerina pallot is a good fpr one of the main questions in the fic “are we really born free?”#(no. theyre not they have to work for that freedom. rousseaus main theory specifically the idea of it works really well for this fic#and the hunger games in general)#the promise by when in rome seems to work especially for treech and how he interacts with the others#he always seems to make promises - that theyll live - that he wont leave - that hell take care of the living for the deceased#this ended up sm longer than intended i reached the TAG LIMIT#basil.txt
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OHhh that's fascinating I hadn't seen it like that! And Dark having the mission statement... I could imagine it could cause conflicts. You said Dark could make error sounds, right? What if they didn't really know they could access those until those codes were... conflicting? Until they were FEELING those errors building up. Though that's up to you knvxbmcbv
OHG YEAH!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THAT
it's probably insanely stressful to feel their code conflicting, especially since the mission prevention code is hard-coded into the virabots so the mission code can't really shove it out of the way-- it isn't really visible from the outside other than the fact that they start acting weird once it starts to get bad.
initially i think it'd just be like the hiccups though. mostly just annoying and uncomfortable
#tommy's foolery#chosen considers asking yellow to check in on the code somehow (which would already take a lot of preparation for obvious reasons)#but as soon as dark finds out they're considering that they immediately start causing as many problems as they can and also biting chosen#so chosen figures out that 'ah yeah i guess it wouldn't like someone poking around inside it's code'#dark has it under control.............. probably.#ava au#tommy's stickmen tag#dark transfer au#why does the tagging system only work on asks. the hell?#anyway. yeah
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Ughhh I love Roots of Pacha but the fact that rare animal spawns are dependent on taming MORE INDIVIDUALS THAN THERE ARE VARIANTS is so fucking stupid.
Also stupid: Bred animals do not count towards this arbitrary number. So if you catch one of each type and then work towards improving your stats? You will never get there.
If other people had not repeatedly told me the number I had to tame I would NEVER have done that. I do not feel like most people would.
And the game itself never even implies you need to do this, so the only reason we know is that kindly code divers found Absolute Nonsense and went ‘hey FYI--’
#Roots of Pacha#I really do love it as evidenced by the amount of time I have on my played stats#but also#ffs#what the HELL were the devs THINKING here????#people don't DO that! NO ONE would do that! that is counterintuitive and absurd!#it is not signposted at ALL!#things should be figure-outable without someone picking the code apart to find the list of requirements!#anyway I am now using a guide some wonderful person wrote that not only has the requirements listed#it tells you which days it is possible for the rares to spawn#so I am not checking herds every day being sad#actually ykw I'm gonna add a link to the body of this in case other people are not on the discord#and are still bashing their heads against this in Increasing Frustration
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I'm bored at work so I'm seeing if I should report my old company for violating labor standards.
#totes bro#im so close but it is so obvious it would be me because i used to complain about this all the time#they dont inform their immigrant workers of their rights and so they dont like understand how their timecard works#and thr company advises them to take the least expensive insurance policy because they 'are healthy and don't need it'#but i know one couple wants fertility treatments but couldnt afford it because of that#they dont have the required posters#they also knowingly continue osha violations which i held a meeting over and was told this doesnt apply to us#which uhm it says it does on the Web site so i disagree#all of this is like why i left and what caused me to leave#and literally lying to me and another guy that we would get promotions for the work we did#and then they hired someone else to do the job making our promotions unnecessary and they were like hmmmm sorry#idk they like got a ton worse and i think the president got more reactionary which caused this#not sure how many of these count but thats not for me to decide anyway#oh and cleanliness standards but i actually fixed a lot of those..... fulfilling the role that promotion role that was promised#my coworkers here are like 'absolutely report the hell out of that place' because we do code violations lol#every time i say something they go 'that could be a violation :)'#they paid someone on a salary basis when they were under the salary pay and therefore should have gotten overtime
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Tumblr should give you an option to make a note for yourself about why you blocked someone. Sometimes I check my blocklist and find perfectly normal blogs like ??? were they really annoying to see all the time in a tag search or did they spam a personal vent post with suicide bait?
#ra speaks#personal#tumblr#tungle dot hell#knowing this site’s spaghetti code I imagine there would be a glitch letting blocked users know WHY they were blocked but not by who#so there would be callout posts like ‘WHY DID SOMEONE BLOCK ME FOR POSTING ABOUT ELMO???’#listen back when I was a discourse addicted depressed asshole teenager I blocked a shitton of decent people#and I have since blocked a shitton of shitty people#and if I come across a blog I’ve blocked I want to know which category they fall into
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I hate when there is anger inside my body. I am very small and my feelings are very big :(
#it really just does not matter what I do huh#it’s spring break. I was up at 9:30 and happened to stay in bed for a bit and take my time showering and stuff#you know? cuz I’m on break? And can do whatever the Hell i want?#but apparently I was ‘sleeping all day’ according to my mom#and then she reminded me to wash my hair the next time I shower. which is code for ‘your hair looks like shit’#it’s like that one bit from friends where they’re having a funeral for the geller’s grandmother#and Monica’s mom is like “can you imagine being criticized for every little thing you do?#it’s amazing that I grew up to be the life-affirming person I am”#the joke being that she criticizes everything Monica does and is constantly trying to “fix” her#always criticizing her outfit and hair and life choices#like. that’s exactly my mother. and guess what? I fucking hate her!#and—this is a horrible thing to say I know—sometimes I wish she would just hit me#because violence and bruises are easier to spot than the covert belittling and the slow chipping away at my self esteem#all while under the guise of helping me#as if she isn’t insulting me and treating me like a mini clone of her or a goddamn toy to entertain her#she never wanted me she wanted a dress up doll#she doesn’t want nano she never wanted nano she wants a perfect girl who marries a perfect guy#and has perfect grandbabies#she’s tried to strip me of my boricua heritage in unassuming little ways#she’s tried to strip me of my desires and interests and emotions#she’s tried to ignore my trauma and logic away my mental illness#she has tried to destroy every part of me everything that makes me what I am#and she is the victim. the one with the woefully annoying stupid disobedient daughter#because i have resisted her attempts to mold me into something that I’m not#vent#im just so tired of trying to be the person she wants me to be and never being good enough#I’m tired of feeling trapped#I’m tired of feeling like an awful person#I’m so sick of her
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come look at the shit i found while looking through my old files. all this is for the borrower au when i was trying to figure out design choices
and under the cut is spoilers for the game for this au i still havent released 😔 im getting to it
its not moon you have to worry about
#art tag#borrower au#i currently have 6k excluding command lines#or so the ide tells me#i think at the end i should have like... 10k written?#but thats only in total#word count on the players end for an average playthrough is hell of a lot smaller than that#simply because of all the choices#cant fucking wait until im done with this and/or thatls#because then is when i start working on the pmd au game#which is a genuine game. we are fucking playing mystery dungeon#the whole reason why eclipse is the partner instead of sun and moon is because of how much easier that would be to code#and i didnt have to puzzle out if sun or moon was out based on weather conditions or whatever
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