#which went great btw yay

[dandyshucks]

today has straight up not gone well at all but julian saying "well, hello!" in his soft voice at the beginning of the episode im relistening to has made it marginally better tbh

[guiltycorp]

I feel the most upset over Mel though... realised this when i saw how my fellow fujoshis have reacted to her involvement in jayvik jdfhgfd, the Viktor parallels that i have always enjoyed and pointed out before are now treated as Yaoi Proof and nothing else. ...because well yeah they lead nowhere else this season sadly, her relevance was cannibalized by her future league iteration and by fandom's reductive approach to shipping. To me the parallels used to be interesting because Viktor and Mel in s1 were polar opposites in social standing/background & physical health and visibly disliked each other BUT they were more or less on the same page when it came to their rather centrist but ultimately pacifistic beliefs, and they both were enamored by Jayce's ambition from the second they heard him talk about magic, inserting themselves into his life immediately. Those comparisons and visual symmetry were compelling because Jayce was lowkey trying to find a way to unite the two most important people in his life (telling Mel about Viktor's importance to him, trying to get Viktor to accept his involvement in politics, having them in the room together) while technically opposing both of them ideologically by not caring that much either about applying hextech for the benefit of the Undercity or about Piltover's participation in global politics and preserving its neutral status. While initially it seemed like he had to 'choose' between them, ultimately their separate character journeys (Viktor with Hexcore and killing Sky, Jayce with Vi and killing a zaunite kid, Mel with hearing her mother's justifications of war) led them to be on the same page in the last episode of the season which was a cool twist. So logically for character growth they either needed to improve their relationships further or to have sudden conflict, right? ...but s2 ultimately went for... just getting rid of both Mel and Viktor entirely! Viktor's motivation to give himself more time to leave more of a mark on the world (and finally getting to feel good about his own efforts by focusing on the Undercity rather than working for Piltover's financial benefit) was overshadowed by Hexcore corruption and a sudden inexplicable wish to transform humanity into a hivemind, that's a different guy entirely. Mel's motivations ended up not mattering at all, the only progression was her hardening into a proper warrior, like sure yay... her vision for Piltover and her identity as a Medarda was rewritten by sudden magical powers that ultimately, yeah, also make her into a different character. She did have a brief argument with Jayce over seeing him as an 'investment' of sorts but they didn't even get to finish it and their relationship is just one big ? before Jayce fucks off to die alongside his one true partner, like all of their previous loving interactions were just a situationship they both easily moved past without even acknowledging it. Like sure yeah we got our yaoi fanservice but at the expense of female characters and previously established relationships and plotlines... And btw there's a lot to be said about the cowardly approach of the showrunners to once again centering a 'male friendship and brotherhood' while getting pissy at anyone who might interpret it as romantic at the same time, as if a canon lesbian romance is a great excuse to be saying shit like that. Also imo timebomb pairing got more actual development and emotional investment compared to CaitVi in this season despite how hollow Jinx's character felt, so there's still a vibe that a hetero ship was more interesting to the writers... while the only things they wanted from queer ships were the aesthetic and the fan engagement.

[itssomeonetofightfor]

Things I hate about part 2 of Cobra Kai (a rant if you will)

This is an absolute deconstruction of everything that was set up for the last 6 seasons!

Johnny and Daniel STILL fighting about idiocies instead of focusing on the absolute fucking mind fuck that has just been played on both their kids ( not blaming Tory by the way) . Robby is her boyfriend and the last I knew Johnny was aware of Sam and Tory's budding friendship. They decided to best do nothing for them except blame each other. YAY! Off to a good start.

Lets follow it up with the least efficient support system in the world for your captain. Apparently Robby is not allowed to be fucking devastated by the fact that the ONLY person that he trusts fully has abandoned him . Apparently they, and by they I mean Miguel and Sam ( who should know better by now) , in spite of hearing endless Johnny sob sories of how he left his child behind, decides to chide him and undermine him about how he doesn't deserve to be captain. Even though we have had to put up with all his girlfriend drama, INCLUDING him re- dislocating Robby's shoulder to get a win in season 1 because he was jealous. You want to be a leader? Prop him up! God knows he needs it after everything, but NOO lets make him feel less than. And please, when he asks you to back him up you stay silent. Thats the way! It doesn't help whem Sam piles on with half winded information. That is enough to get the rest of the team to demoralize him some more..

Hawk and Demetri becoming the most hypocritical and spineless duo of the season, reverting all the work done in previous seasons. They were annoying as all hell and I couldn't care less if they were there or not. If I was an athlete on their team I would rather withdraw...what a draaag. How they acted about Kenny was so ludicrous that I wanted to punch them in the face. They also acted as if it was only Robby's fault they were failing FUCK OFF!! AND FUCK MIT HAHA.

That's how the writers made me feel, undoing all the greatness that these characters once were. I loved Miguels struggles and Sams defiance of her father. I loved the picked kid Eli becoming Hawk. I even loved Demetri's neurotic insecurities maqueraded in a ball of sarcasm. But what the writers did this season is make everybody useless so that one common purpose could be reached...MIGUEL AND JOHNNY! It would be beautiful if it wasn't at the expense of every single character in the show.It was built up only to be flattened down at the end. That's what pisses me off.

Daniel has all but forgotten the he had a mentee once. Let's give him a pointless kiddnapping story only for him to be off balance and be obsessed about Miyagi ( who these writers should not be messing with btw).

Let's keep Robby off balance for most of the five episodes. Which became a fucking nonsensical plot point by the 1000th time he looked at at Tory.

Yes, Miguel shines as the glue and hope of Miyagi-do..the only one who can keep it together for everyone., and it would be fine IF it wasn't at the expense of everyone else performing down and out of character.

But ALAS!! His lightbulb moment comes only after Johnny assures him that he is is top dawg even if he alludes that he supports Robby ( must have missed it, but if you SAY so) and finally he starts giving Robby some encouragement.

Only then, they let Robby have his well earnt moment, not only with his protegeé Kenny but for himself. IT. IS. GLORIOUS! But then, they undo it the next day by returning his rival to the tournament just to swiftly kill him... why all this you ask? Well to set up the next rival. Who for? Yes you guessed it it's for Miguel using Sam as bait.

My question is why the writers went this way and now unfortunately, because the internet internets I know leaks.

 Why? Why kill Cobra Kai's captain in the most idiotic way.

Why make Robby seem like the most undisciplined and unfocused member of the team?

Why make Sam the most irrelevant party in this tournament (unless it has to do with next rival drama).

Why neither Sensei is there for their kids (Except Miguel of course, how silly of me).

Why keep Tory in Cobra Kai?

Because in one season they are going to deconstruct all of this for it to fit Johnny and Miguel winning together as father and son as it was always meant to ( nevermind his own son who he hasn't had a scene with, but they are going to gaslight you into thinking they did)  All in the name of unity and family. They have done all characters dirty, including Hawk,  Demetri, Devon, Kenny and lets not forget..lets get Daniel distracted with Mr. Miyagi ( and ruin his legacy in the process) so that there can only be the sole father and son combo for the win. Why else make a fake miscarriage about if not for them to be reignited in the fight for the win. Miguel and Johnny. Our heroes!! They will never take accountability or flack for anything. Just as fan service in media loves it. Fuck the overarching story.

Don't get me wrong, I love Miguel and Johnny, I just don't love how they want to get to their endgame.

[albed-hoe]

i have finally arrived 🤭🤭

OKAY I’LL GIVE U A FEW SCENARIOS I GOT IN MIND AND YOU’RE FREE TO EXPAND ON WHICHEVER ONE YOU WANT TO (idm gender neutral reader but was hoping for male :D )

REVERSE COMFORT: m!reader comforting poor lyney after the most recent 4.1 archon quest. (SPOILERS: after freminet has been moved the the medical area)

so lyney is really worried for his brother (it takes place before he’s fully up) and we’re jus hugging him and reassuring him that he’ll be okay bc we’re husband material like that 💪🏻

˚₊‧꒰ა💉໒꒱ ‧₊

FLUFF: i was thinking maybe the m!reader is a popular fontainian singer/popstar/dancer or anything that gains him popularity, and hence builds up a mass fanclub of ladiessss (if yk where i’m goin w this🤭)

so maybe we could get some jealous lyney up in here and m!reader feels bad for him so after the performance he takes lyney up on stage and gives a smooch on the cheek 😭

˚₊‧꒰ა💉໒꒱ ‧₊

ANGST (with comfort bc my heart cannot physically take angst with no comfort): OKAY KINDA INSPIRED BY SOMEONE ELSES IDEA BUT KINDA DIFFERENT!

m!reader got those richly rich strict ass parents who don’t approve of him dating someone as low as a magician (he’s also a guy but i’m taking this down a different root) and they aren’t abusive but they are pretty neglectful and strict on him.

reader finally had enough of their bs tho and him and lyney (with lynette & freminet ofc) run away to snezhnaya and have the reader work for the house of the hearth w them.

AND (bc i never shut up) then a few years pass when lyney finally takes over for the knave they waltz back into fontaine together with m!reader being his 2nd in command (once again, alongside freminet and lynette bc wherever he goes they go)

˚₊‧꒰ა💉໒꒱ ‧₊

PERSONAL FAVOURITE (i think abt this idea a LOT)

FOUND FAMILY /W COMFORT (heavily with freminet bc i love him sm HSNFEMCJEM)

basically m!reader went for a lil dive to get lyney some new flowers for his magic show later and he runs into freminet crying under the water

and ofc big brother instincts kick in 💪🏻 and we take him above shore and coddle him like how lyney would to freminet

AND THEN WE TAKE HIM HOME AND WE MEET UP W LYNEY AND HES JUS LIKE “OMG IF THIS MAN DOESNT PUT A RING ON MY FINGER RN IMMA LOOSE MY SHIT” because he adores the way m!reader looks out for his siblings the way he would.

(I HAVE ANOTHER VERSION OF THIS RQ WITH LYNETTE IF YOU EVER WANNA HEAR IT BTW)

˚₊‧꒰ა💉໒꒱ ‧₊

SPICY 😏😏😏:

i actually don’t have anything to much for this category but some simple spicy hc’s with a sub!lyney would be great (let’s be real this man isn’t dominating anyone). (he also has a breeding kink GOODBYE)

Found Family (Freminet ver.)

Characters: Freminet & Lyney x M!Reader

Summary: After bringing his younger brother home, Lyney thinks he’s found his husband for life

Warnings: Slight angst to comfort, Freminet crying, Lyney being hopelessly in love and shyyyy

Word count: 767

A/n: Okay first of all I’m so sorry for disappearing for like a year and a half… I totally lost motivation and finished university in the meantime and now I’m looking for a job but no one is hiring me so yay? TYSM FOR THIS REQUEST LY LOTS🤩 I might write some of the other ones too? Might make a poll for which one to do next cuz I’m undecided… Anyways THIS ONE GOES OUT TO THE MALE READER COMMUNITY!!! I fell in love with Lyney and still (I think?) have yet to come across a Lyney x male reader fic😫 So here is my contribution! I ALSO HAVE REQUESTS OPEN SO FEEL FREE TO REQUEST LYNEY X M!READER STUFF PLS AND TYYYYY

It was a warm afternoon as you got your scuba gear on, preparing to dive in the depths of Fontaine on a mission to look for flowers for your beloved boyfriend, Lyney’s, magic show tonight. You latched in your helmet and dove below the surface, sighing in satisfaction at the cool water enveloping your body after having been sweating all day. The fish danced around you happily and the rays flapped their wings gracefully on their way to find places to float around.

You reached the seabed, swimming around and beginning to collect the flowers that your boyfriend had requested. You stop after a few seconds to listen to a sound you could not initially identify. Listening closely, you follow the sounds of what seem to be sniffles over a ridge of sand. Peeking over the edge, you see a little blue form with a diving helmet on, balled up with his head in the pit of his elbow.

“Freminet?” You swam up to the form, recognizing Lyney’s younger brother, a sad expression on the screen of your diving helmet. You begin to rub circles into his back as he sniffles, embarrassed to have been found crying alone. “What happened?” You offer him a warm smile, encouraging him to confide in you.

“*Sniff* I- I made a fool of myself in the Court of Fontaine today… I- *sniff* I fell and dropped a whole basket of peaches…” Taking pity on him, you ask him if he wants a hug, then you pull him into your arms and rub comforting circles on his back.

“Wanna go back up? I’ll walk you home.” The boy nods and you swim back up with him in your arms.

Arriving on the beach, you take off his diving helmet and reveal his red, puffy eyes. You internally coo at how cute he looks but remember that he is in a vulnerable state and mentioning what he looks like would likely not be appropriate at the moment. So, after cupping a comforting hand on his cheek, you take his hand and walk him home.

Arriving at the triplets’ door (I know they aren’t all related, but for simplicity’s sake…), you knock and wait for the light pads from inside to reach you. The door swings open to reveal Lyney in his pajamas with a surprised expression.

“Y-Y/n! And Freminet!” He blushes slightly at having noticed you before his own younger brother and at having been seen in pajamas by someone he has been trying to impress. You gently push Freminet in front of you, handing him over to Lyney who hugs him shortly, ruffles his hair, then passes him on to Lynette who takes his hand, nods at you thankfully, then takes him into the home. Lyney steps out onto the porch and closes the door behind him.

“Uh… Thanks for taking my brother home. He can disappear better than myself, sometimes…” He rubs the back of his neck, a little embarrassed at the situation. You had only declared each other officially boyfriends about a month prior, so the whole relationship thing was a new concept to the ‘suave’ Lyney the public knew. It pleasantly surprised you to discover that he was actually very easy to fluster, making for a very cute boyfriend to tease occasionally.

“Yeah, no problem. I found him on the seabed crying while I was looking for your flowers, so I comforted him and brought him here. Oh, here you go by the way.” You hand him the flowers he needed for his show while smiling warmly at him. The tips of his ears immediately reddened, both at his immediate thoughts of marriage and at what the offer of flowers looked like. He knew this was not a love confession or anything of the sort, but the current situation could have fooled an outside observer.

He stepped forward and threw his arms around you, sandwiching the flowers between the two of you. He buried his face in your neck in an attempt to hide his face exploding with heat.

“… I love you…” That was all he managed to say after a few moments. You laughed, placing a kiss on the top of his head.

“I love you too, but… Watch the flowers.” He pulled himself away from you immediately, realizing he was damaging his precious show flowers.

“AH! Sorry! Uhm… Did you wanna come inside for a bit?” He looked into your eyes with a shy smile on his face, his cheeks and ears still red from before.

“I’d love to.” You said, your eyes locked on his.

Aur my gawdddd this was my first fic in a loooong time I’m so sorry if it was ass… THIS WAS CUTE AND I LOVE FREMINET TOO, PLS LEMME HEAR THE LYNETTE VERSION OF THIS😎

[vntako]

vn in a bottle: her tears were my light

ah i've found something very nice

decided to read some short vns to figure out how to write one and i thought this first one i went for appropriately explicitly defined starts, middles, and endings as part of it's narrative. along with the whole time travel shebang (you play as time) i found this was a bit too appropriate for what i was deciding to write but thought hey this is the universe nudging me gently into finishing the thing.

the story starts with time all alone, and finding space. i love the whole love at first sight schtick, oh and there's an implication of fated lovers thing ("it's like i've met you before" and all that jazz)

space is very cute

i find it difficult to talk about this game without spoiling it bc it's really short and there's not much to say about the exposition apart from space being super cute (the whole thing is around ~30 mins for me, at least less than an hour)

well, to be a bit less vague, i like the story's themes of loneliness. relationships are a complex thing, and memories aren't so reliable sometimes. and people do ultimately change. we misunderstand, we discuss, we compromise. i like that the story reminds us to do our best to try not to leave anyone in our lives lonely.

oh the the fluff between the characters is great, i like a lot

OH forgot to mention the music, it's super good. it fits over the emotional parts so well, especially the true ending song geez. also there are vocal tracks in the extras using eleanor forte and they're really good i need them on like, spotify to put in a playlist (one of them is there, it wasn't my fav but this is pretty nice)

go play this game it's free on itch over here you can play it in your browser no downloads just a bit of loading time

her tears were my light by NomnomNami (itch.io)

spoilers beyond this point

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

if it gets you to play it you should know you get to kiss the girls

so you have to save space from being killed by this other girl nil, and she has the power to stop you from rewinding so you gotta start at the start every time you try to save space

the whole "doing different things but always leading to the same result" (insanity) plot line is very appealing to me, and this vn has that. space is killed every time you try to reset. you reset anyway. wowza. i love that.

eventually, we find out nil and space are the same, which is implied by their similar appearances and parallels and stuff. i like that, that's cool, so at that point the goal for you is to reconcile the two of em despite them being polar opposites of each other (space is the girlfailure and nil is the girlboss)

it genuinely hurt me resetting out of the nil ending btw, i didn't get a screenshot but jeezums (nil is best girl sorry)

a few resets in you get to have this moment with space

it's great

i don't like that this kiss decides you abandon nil, though. well, you come around eventually.

you get the true beginning by talking things out with nil, making up for what you've done (even if you don't remember), and deciding not to abandon either of them. that's great, i like that a lot. talking is good.

nil is super cute

to talk a bit more, i like how nil gets so desperate to the point that time misunderstands her intentions. i think, that like happens a fair bit in real life. heck if someone forgot about me to go and have fun with someone else i would uh, die. time hears her out eventually and they come to a compromise and it all works out for the three of them. they both forgive each other. and space doesn't die (yay)

the true beginning is basically a poly ending and that makes this vn a 10/10

[atierrorian]

Headcanons of Silver, Trey, Malleus and Jamil with a reader who's great at making desserts and sweets and they make the boys (and their dorm mates) some whenever there's a special occasion going on?

Ice cream sundaes for our beloved waka-sama, coffee spiced cake for Silver, and lots more.

Tysm!! Have a great day or night!!

Mmm~ Anon you're making me hungry with these Ice cream Sundaes 😍 But besides that Have a great day or night as well!

Can be read as romantic or platonic btw!

Warnings: None

-Eyyyy desserts that's not from Lilia!!

-Silver is grateful first of all like everyone in this posts.

-Anyways Coffee spiced cake is really good with a rich and sweet flavor and that's just what Silver really likes! So thank you [Name]!

-Silver does have a tint of blush on his face when you first presented him the dessert during like a special occasion and thanked you and ate it while watching you giving some desserts for the other Diasomnia members including Malleus.

-And as he does watch with such glee and delight from the dessert you made, all his really thinking is the fact that you gave him something so delicious and so sweet and it came from you!

-And he make something for you in return with the help of his little animal friends!

-Sometimes he wants to ask you to make some for him again but doesn't know how and is a little bit too shy to ask you so that's that.

-But eventually he does manage to make you more for him with a little nudge from his animal friends and he still gets more from special occasions so It's such a win to him!

-Overall Silver loves the dessert and he loves you too!

-Yay another one that enjoys baking and is good at it!

-Trey is very happy that you gave him a dessert!

-Which btw is a cheesecake cause I am not that creative with desserts but shh

-Of course he still reminds you and everyone else who received a dessert from you to brush your teeth because it is needed

-But other than that he still thanks you and eats it while you gave some of the desserts to the others

-He thinks it's delicious btw (and the more I think about desserts the more my stomach grumbles)

-Asks you if you want to bake with him for other occasions like unbirthday parties or actual birthdays and etc etc.

-He helps you make some new desserts and stuff and gives you like tips and stuff and reminds you to brush your teeth cause yes

-Overall Trey is grateful and he also loves the desserts and you!

-Oh my god child of man just gave me some dessert and it's not from Lilia!

-Pretty glad it was you who made the dessert and not Lilia

-Anyways besides that again, Malleus is just so happy you, child of man, had gave him a very delicious treat and he couldn't be more thankful!

-And Malleus absolutely loves the ice cream sundae and practically wants more cause it's so delicious and good!

-When you first gave Malleus the ice cream sundae from like an event again, he was confused until you told him that it was an ice cream sundae and that's it's a dessert and it tastes really good

-He took it and ate it had such a big grin on his face while you smiled at him and went to where the others were and gave them desserts as well

-And on another nightly walks or something, he asks you for some more if you have time which you gladly agree

-Malleus loves desserts so a treat from you just makes it better!

-Overall Malleus is a dessert lover and loves the desserts you make and loves you too!

-Jamil is quite surprise but nonetheless still grateful for the dessert you made!

-Now as we all know, Jamil is used to doing stuff for Kalim and not the other way around, so when you made a dessert for him during a party that Kalim had hosted (As usual) He was surprise for momentarily but still thanked you and you smiled and went about your day to give the other desserts to some of the others that were in the party

-Alright so you know the drill, he eats it he grateful for it and smiles with the knowledge you made it

-You can tell I'm running out of ideas and I'm lazy :)

-He hesitates to ask you for more but eventually does ask and is glad cause he gets more desserts and is happy

-Wants to bake together cause yes and because like I said running out of ideas

-Basically you both are like the parents for Scarabia and is glad you are their and enjoys the desserts you make as well which puts a smile on Jamil's face

-Overall you make the best desserts and he loves it and he loves you!

You could tell I was running out of ideas and I was lazy! But anyways hope you guys enjoyed that and finally FINALLY I got this out of my drafts!

[weirdlotiel]

Ahsoka ep 5. (Involves cursing and spoilers. Not necessarily in that order)

Did I say I love music in this series?

Last week I was talking with my dad and explained what was happening in the series and he asked if Ahsoka Hera and the team will use Pergills to find their way to Ezra and Thrawn. Not a bad idea…

Even more Jacen!!! Yay😍😍😍

I totally forgot to notice it earlier bur he has his dad’s… arm thing.

Huyang with Sabine’s helmet 😭. And how he tild them to stay together. He was so sad😭😭😭

Ahsoka has this thing with crossing her arms.

Anakin gives me uneasy feeling.

What does “finishing her training “ means?

Wait, live or die? Really? Well, that was quite… obvious.

Jacen knows something. I mean, why would he sit at the edge of the cliff?

I love how Huyang is half right half wrong.😂

Hera, listen to your baby!!!! He knows something!!!!!

And she listens! Or at least tries to. I love this duo.

Wait… Jacen hears what is happening on “the other side”???? I love that boy😭😭😭😍😍😍(and he made me cry!!!)

Carson: what am I missing? What just happened?

Huyang: Jacen has abilities. His father, Kanan Jarrus, was a jedi.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 (that was literally my reaction to this conversation)

Carson: okay, we better get on it then.

You mention jedi, they listen 😂

But still, why did Hera leave Jacen and Chopper alone ot there? What if some kind of beast appears? Or whatever?

Ahsoka- falls down through the clouds.

Me: don’t tell me there will be younger Soka?

Younger Ahsoka- appears.

Me: oh, she’s cute😂

Nice training btw… well, dealing with your past is almost never easy.

Was that a random clone she sat next to? Probably yeah. Sad.

The talk with anakin, right after that… isn’t this a real dialogue from Clone wars? Or at least part of it? When they tried to get through the blocade to Ryloth? (I was watching this ep few days ago)

I knew there was something wrong!!! Vader is there! Be careful Snips!!!

I do love Huyang talking about Ahsoka and Ani. 😂

What did Chopper sense? Maybe a Pergill?

Oh, Siege of Mandalore? Just great.

Ani is dark. Is that a darke side tempting her?

Yup. Red lightsaber. But it’s not temptation… a test? Maybe.

I do love seeing more Vader side of Anakin. Although it pains me. (Btw idk how about the rest of you guys, but I had a feeling since the previous episode that we’ll see him today)

Yay, Ani is Ani again!!!!

No, he disappeared.

Haha, Ahsoka was just floating under the water. I should’ve known.😂

Jacen’s face when he saw the Ghost coming back with Ahsoka😍. I love this boy.

Jacen wants a lightaber. Of course he does.

Learning the past through touching objects? I didn’t know Ahsoka could do that.

I think she’s disappointed. At least a lil bit.

Ouch, Hera is in trouble. I hope she’s gonna be fine. (I hate most of thise politicians, did I mention that?)

Soka saw Pergills!!!!!!

Hey, you fucking senators, Hera is the general. End of discussion.

Why do I have a feeling me and my pa were right about the Pergills?😂

I love our big, soace Whales. (I need an amoji for them😂)

Dang, that Pergill is huge!!!!

Carson: I respectfully disagree.

My translation: Go fuck yourself you idiots.

So Ahsoka is gonna pull Jonah’s trick. (Now which story am I talking about? Who’s gonna tell me?)

Although I wish Hera went too. (And I do hope we’ll still se her in next episodes.)

This episode made me more emotional than I wish it did. (Especially because there was a lot of Jacen. Yes, Imma keep talking about this baby boi. And because we have more Pergills)

[synamartia]

Ya'll... when I tell you about the fucking week I just had...

So by now all of you are aware that my phone died and I wasn't able to be online until I could get it fixed. Well! Come to find out, it would have cost more to fix the screen than to just buy a new phone outright, so I just did that. It was a downgrade, but with all the issues my old phone was having aside from the cracked screen, it's still ten times better than what I had. Bought the phone, got everything transferred, went about my day as usual and went to bed early that night.

Guys. When I woke up, I thought I was fucking DEAD I felt so shitty. I didn't know what the fuck was going on. All I knew was I was freezing my ass off while sweating like a warthog in a sauna, I couldn't see straight, and my throat hurt so bad I couldn't speak. That's not an exaggeration, I literally couldn't speak - let alone eat or drink. Found out I was running a temp of 103 the first couple of days and all I did was sleep, and my tonsils were so swollen that even drinking water was painful. Eventually my fever broke and the swelling did go down, but now it fucking BURNS when I swallow anything like I just downed four shots of Everclear with a tabasco sauce chaser. Still not sure what exactly it was, but so far no one else in my house has gotten it, so I'm not even sure if it was something contagious - which just brings up a shit ton of questions about what it was and how I got it. i also can't sneeze without pain shooting down my neck which is great cause it's ALLERGY SEASON YAY

So, suffice to say, my tolerance for social interaction has been very minimal this past week and I haven't had a chance to get any writing done (at least it was my weekend off). I'm still not back to 100% but I'm getting there! Just wanted to give you guys a quick update, so now I'm gonna go take a zinc tab, get my kids in bed, and then try to crank out that teaser I promised ya'll~! ❤️

Side note: the 23rd was my youngest daughter's 4th birthday, and this kid. Omfg she cracks me up. So bedtime rolls around and my kid, she's watching these DIY videos for like fidget toys or whatever, and she sees one of those pimple popping toys. She runs up to me and is trying to get me to watch it (I'm barely conscious at this point btw) and she points to her forehead and tells me that she has pimples on her face, and that she needs one of those toys to pop instead. She literally just turned 4, and I tell her pimples don't happen until you're a teen (in my case, at least), and that she's got about ten more years to go before she's a teen. Then I ask her if she knows how long ten years is, and how far away into the future it is. She screams yeah, so I ask her how far.

This kid. This fucking kid. She proceeds to press herself against the wall of our living room, then runs across the length of it and down our hallway until she straight slams herself into our bathroom door (sort of like inexperienced skaters stop themselves at a roller rink by skating into that half wall), then yells back at me "THIS FAR!" I fucking died it hurt so much but I couldn't stop laughing 🤣☠️It was worth it though! ❤️

[brsb4hls]

Adding to the Loki 2 reactions (with spoilers), slightly critical:

*I still like the aesthetic, the set design is great

*trying to figure out if Loki does not quite feel like Loki, because he actually is out of character or because he's in a completely different environment. I mean, he basically went from period piece-like drama and fantasy to SciFi

Plus he actually gets to built connections with other people here (outside of his family), because the show makes room for it, so that's kinda new. And has to be acted out somehow.

*Regarding those connections, I still feel Loki is a bit too emotional and touchy. Might be on purpose to make him more relatable.

(The "she'll be fine" comment after the car crash though felt Loki-ish)

He is more human in the TVA, which is connected to him not having access to his powers there.

I don't have much hope, but it would be neat to see a shift in his and Mobius' interactions once he gets to use his powers more again.

*On Mobius. Intriguing character, still don't completely buy into the buddy vibe. Mobius does care about Loki in a way and there might have been time to built somewhat of a friendship (I don't know, how much time actually passed in season 1).

But imo Mobius still treats Loki a bit like an asset. Their interactions in 2x1 are more about managing. Mobius maneuvers Loki around to keep him out of an unclear situation and in order to get information. He also needs Loki. As an Loki expert Mobius is fully aware how capable and valuable for a fight Loki is. Loki also knows more about what's happening to the time line, so Mobius has to keep him stable and work with him.

I still don't feel he takes him completely seriously. It all seems a bit patronizing.

Otoh Mobius takes a great risk to keep Loki. Might make sense given the overall situation, but is a bit inconsistent.

They should not have forced the buddy comedy imo. I would have enjoyed enemies reluctantly working together way more.

But Loki needs a friend so I take what I can get I guess. And at least it's Owen Wilson.

(I still would love to see Mobius nearly shitting himself over a display of Loki's true power. He is way to nonchalant, which comes with his position and experience of course, but well...)

*Yeah yeah, we all love OB, that's a given

*does time travel in the MCU work like this? Idc, it was funny. The simultaneous conversation with past and present OB was a nice touch, funny and well done.

*was the time slip a one ep kinda deal? Trailer indicates it wasn't. We'll see.

*Hunter B15 being the moral compass, important.

*That TVA council seemed a bit all over the place. What's the course of action apart from finding Sylvie? But yay, Liz Carr.

*So Sylvie thinks Loki's dead-dead? Makes sense, that she would try to built an actual life after everything. The post credit scene was a bit anvil on the head, but I get it in regards to Sylvie's journey.

Btw my guess is Loki will make a sacrifice in the end, but that will probably be leaving Sylvie and Mobius behind so they can have an actual life.

And Loki will be alone again.

It would fit. It would be dramatic enough, but Disney would still keep the character alive just in case. Loki's a cash cow after all.

[anothershadeofpurple]

Yay for a happy ending but wow Mariana really didn’t deserve Ana what was that? Why do that? Ana pining all the time while Mariana barely had any scene telling us that yes, she was in love with Ana at last half as much as Ana was. After all of that Mariana didn’t even had to make any effort to get Ana?

I spent way too long wanting Ana to get over Marina and realize that she is truly bi (not that bs that she is not gay she just loves Mariana 🙄) and finding someone else who can love her the way she deserves. Really Ana and other women not Mariana was some of my favorite parts lol I really wished Ana had a one night stand, she would still be miserable because she was so in love but at least she could have some great sex, and not just pine while Marina had Ferran

I guess the writers in the end are just not that good, s2 was also pretty underwhelming and s3 was I guess better but not as good as s1. And yes I blame the writers I don’t think that Netflix made any changes there. Just one scene with Mariana and Ana talking about their feelings all that went through, Mariana really talking about how heartbroken she was when Ana pushed her away in s1, about that night together scared her so much she couldn’t think, anything about how much she loves Ana would help so much instead it ended making me feel that Ana was so much more in love that made me kinda sad for her.

Ohh btw sorry for the long rant, the show left me all over the place 😆

Oh my God, I hear you Anon, I'm all over the place too. I should be adulting for Christmas, but instead, I want to do meta deep dives on Tumblr. And I am.

Season two did get boring as well because of the dudes, much like this season, but I do feel it all comes down to trying to keep some imagined general audience happy while carving out space to even be able to tell a gay story, not a lack of capacity. (I like giving creators the benefit of the doubt, especially since we did actually get a textual slow-burn love story between two women. Writers may choose to do it themselves to avoid the network mingling in the first place. I don't know.)

Yes, Ana as truly bi or gay would have been less of a cop-out, I'd like to just think she needs more time to come to terms with her sexuality and this is just an in-between state. After all, it's in character for Ana to be methodical about her sexuality and try to control it. "I'm gonna go out, pick a woman, see if I'm into it and then I will know for sure where I fit in." She might as well have started the episode with a PowerPoint presentation in which she explained this plan to Elena. Ana wants control, she wants shortcuts, which doesn't work in cases like this. We had one of her phony bridge club friends say that "She knew she was a lesbian since high school" when Ana introduced Mariana as the other mother of her daughters. Ludwika just shows us there's so much going on with Ana behind her eyes, I feel like she has a very rich backstory for Ana that she is tapping into. Would love to hear her talk about that. And yes, the chemistry with that woman was actually... good? Even with Elena. She's got Momistry with Mariana, but with these other women... it was easy to imagine more interesting exchanges.

I think the setup for Mariana actually loving Ana instead of Ferran is there, but they did a terrible job with the pacing and gave us so much Ferran that it became difficult to believe. There's the conversation with Elena where the acting makes it very clear she doesn't actually love Ferran, but is playing it safe with him... but even so, it was her turn to talk about her feelings to Ana. And it could have been a few sentences, a short scene, it really didn't need much.

I feel if this last episode would have had another passionate kiss, a few words from Mariana and some tears I would be ridiculously happy right now instead of rationalizing that I should be happy and grateful for getting that next step. It's still progress, hopefully it opens doors for the next slowburn. Eventually someone's gonna get it right.

I better finish my lesbian Hallmark script...

[rotisseries]

ASKING U ABT CIRI WITCHERS BOOKS? TELL ME MORE

OK SO. the fun thing about the witcher books is that they were written by a Man In The 80s. so you have moments where it's like. oh how unexpectedly progressive of you!!! (very cool pro choice scene) and other moments where it was very much Written By A Man In The 80s. so. miss cirilla fiona elen riannon is actually a PERFECT example of this duality because she is fundamentally a joint main protag like this series is just as much about her journey as it is about geralt's and she's a teenage girl written with a lot of depth and care and compassion. and also sometimes it's just fucking weird. like this series encompasses a large span of time so while she starts the series at like. 12. a large portion of her story happens at like. the 15 to 16 range. so there's like. the occasional weird shit and then there's generally too many. threats of sexual violence against her like I cannot overstate that. a main plot point is that elves want to impregnate her because she has special elven heritage or something idfk I need to reread. BUT. MOST MEMORABLE OFFENSE IN MY MIND. IS THE FACT SHE'S CANONICALLY SAPPHIC (yay) AND IT'S WRITTEN FUCKING WEIRD (nooo) SO. there's an arc where she gets separated from geralt for awhile and he's trying to find her (with a fun little found family btw. while she's like. having the greatest suffering of her fucking life and she's ALREADY lost her grandmother to war and fire atp) and it's the first time she's truly been on her own. she's 15 she's been hanging with him since she was 12 he's been her gruff dad for several years now. so this ends up as kind of a very dark point in her life she first has to survive through this desert and then she gets attacked by bandits??? I think??? older men though which is the main threat. and she's captured and scared and then!! she gets rescued by this teenaged bandit group and this is where it's a dark point in her life bc they are a very toxic friend group for her it's not good these aren't really like. moral bandits like overall her time with them isn't great for her BUT. the first night she stays with them one of the boys in the group tries to assualt her. gently of course. 🙄 but the other girl in the group, (I REMEMBER THIS BITCH'S NAME. FUCKING MISTLE) runs him off but then she ALSO makes sexual advances on ciri SHE LITERALLY DOES THE SAME THING THE BOY DID and CIRI GOES WITH IT BUT IT'S LIKE. THERE'S NO ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT HERE OR ANYTHING SHE'S UNCOMFORTABLE SHE'S NOT READY I THINK SHE CRIES HANG ON IT'S REALLY BAD LEMME SEE IF I CAN FIND IT LIKE I CAN'T OVERSTATE THIS ENOUGH IT'S TEXTUALLY SEXUAL ASSAULT

look at this shit.

"but rori," you may say, "this is awful, but why point to this as canon sapphicness? rape is not representation" and you are RIGHT. SO TRUEEE. unfortunately. ciri continues to date this bitch. they have an extended romantic relationship for months. or longer. while ciri rides around with them harassing random villages. SO. CIRI'S ONLY CANONICAL SAPPHIC RELATIONSHIP. WHICH IS MEANT TO BE HER BEING SAPPHIC BTW BC THE AUTHOR SAID SOME SHIT IN AN INTERVIEW OR SMTH ABOUT WANTING TO GO AGAINST STEREOTYPES OR WHATEVER WHERE THE PRINCESS ALWAYS ENDS UP WITH SOME MAN. KEEP THAT IN MIND BTW IT'LL BE RELEVANT AGAIN. BUT ANYWAY. ONLY CANONICAL SAPPHIC RELATIONSHIP AND CANONICAL EVIDENCE OF CIRI BEING SAPPHIC AND IT'S. IT'S FUCKING. IT FUCKING STARTS WITH A RAPE. ANDRZEJ SAPOWSKI I WILL KILL YOU

and then. AND THEN. even better. actually objectively a better situation than this one but it sours it further to me. so she's like? technically bisexual I think? in the sense that she has a female "love interest" and later a male one. but it's just. it's not anything specific but the way it's written is just like. it feels more like he wrote her as a lesbian and then just changed his mind at the last book. because the final book is her telling this man she meets about the shit she went through (this is well after mistle btw like I think it's been a few years) and then they like. leave somewhere together at the end of the book? and it's not really romantic but it simultaneously reads like maybe it's supposed to be (AND OH HEY REMEMBER THAT BIT ABOUT NOT WANTING THE TROPEY ENDING FOR THE PRINCESS WHERE SHE ENDS UP WITH A MAN??) and if yes then it's weird as bisexuality rep because it actually just reads like he wrote her as a lesbian during the worst time in her life and then after she got better and got through it her happy ending is with a man. so. bit weird bit odd. and then the game witcher 3 gives you the option to say she's not in to guys. but also the option to romance a guy. so who even knows. ciri's possible lesbianism/bisexuality is the sexuality schroedingers cat. lmao

[disniq]

Season 1, episode 3, "Origins"

Prepare to get flashbacked, folks.

So, previously; Dawn was thrown off a roof, Rachel was kidnapped by The Family. And now, conveniently, Kori is parked below just the building right in time to see Rachel bundled into a sensible family car.

We get an entirely unnecessary flashback of Kori finding a photo in Rachel's house and killing a cop, which does nothing to show how she got from there to here but just go with it.

She follows The Family, who are on route to their boss. They stop at a gas station, and Kori takes the opportunity to burn Dad alive. (She also blows up the bathroom Rachel is in, but it’s fine, shh, “I think you’re safer with me.”)

This is what every family trips feels like when you're a queer neurodivergent

Dawn is in a medical coma at the hospital, and this somehow leads into another flashback of a young Dick with his social worker.

Bruce Wayne wants to foster him! Isn’t that great news, sure that won’t end badly for anyone.

Young Dick is taken to the huge castle-esque manor (which i love, btw) and shown to a bedroom so bougie it has it’s own chandelier and a walk-in closet already filled with teenage-boy sized clothes.

Bruce, dude. You’re coming on a little strong here.

Alfred is the only one a little dubious about this development;

(This is why the killed Alf off-screen.)

Unsurprisingly, Dick takes this as his cue to run away.

Back in the present, Dick gets a lead from a police colleague despite the fact that he just walked out a week ago and never went back to work lol. She helpfully tells him Rachel has been spotted on cameras with a a six foot black woman with magenta hair, who leaves charred bodies in her wake.

Meanwhile, Rachel and Kori head to the place in the photo, Saint Paul’s convent and bond over having uncontrollable powers and a total lack of understanding about themselves!

They stop at a diner, and Kori fucks some guys up for harassing the waitress to a disco soundtrack which is, undeniably, pretty dang cool.

More flashbacks - I’m so sorry, the pacing of this episode is a mess - and Dick social worker is very insistent that Dick give Bruce another chance. If only you knew, lady.

I do like the stylistic choices here, though. Having Bruce being almost entirely absent from these scenes makes his presence feel like the looming, intimidating thing it probably was, especially in the shots of the big, broody, empty Manor that young Dick is left to wander alone.

During one of those wanderings, he finds the garage full of classic cars and, rapscallion that he is, takes one for a joyride.

Remember when you antagonised the police, Dickie. Fun times.

Kori and Rachel reach the convent, which it turns out they have both been to before. Rachel was sheltered here as an infant with her fake mom, and Kori came by a year ago in her search for Rachel. It’s all very Nuns of the Chattering Order, and yes that does make Rachel the lost antichrist.

There’s an arcade down the street that Kori has a mysterious locker key for, so she takes Rachel there and exchanges the key for… a second key!

Rachel gets to eat, play some pinball, and meet a fellow protagonist!

Dick - who used his super secret Bat-tech to track Kori’s numberplate - also turns up at the arcade. For plot convenience, he gives Kori the benefit of the doubt despite her record thus far and both of these untra-violent people actually talk out a problem from once! Yay!

You, ah. You forgot the *checks notes* six counts of murder so far.

Turns out the cops think Rachel killed her fake-mom, so Dick, who a day ago was looking to wash his hands of this kid, suddenly feels responsible for her. Kori, who gently kidnapped Rachel for entirely self-serving purposes, has also apparently decided over the course of the last half an hour that she too can't let Rachel out of her sight, so they all go back to the convent together.

This is, unfortunately, what counts as relationship development in this show.

We get one final Baby Dick flashback, wherein Dick admits to his social worker that he’s not running away and stealing cars for fun, he’s running away and stealing cars so he can hunt down his parents’ murderer and kill them.

Bruce overhears this conversation, and leaves Dick a letter offering him a job better way.

Elsewhere, The Family (minus Dad) report to Dr Adamson, a creepy guy with an egg fetish who really wants Rachel to open the door. He magnanimously decides to give them one more shot.

Bet you thought I was kidding about the evils of heteronormativity, huh

ANYWAY, back to the convent and the A plot!

We get this conversation between Dick and Rachel, which I think informs a lot about Dick’s relationship with Bruce, and also his attitude towards Jason later.

Dick: Listen I need you to-- Rachel: What?! Trust you? “Other people can help”, is that it? No they can’t. They’ll just make promises, but in the end they’ll fail. They’ll all leave, just like you. Dick: Yeah, you’re right. Rachel: What? Dick: You’re on your own. No one can help you, not really. I was just like you once. Thought if I leaned on someone, if I trusted them, all the pain would go away. I was wrong. Anybody that tells you any differently is lying. The loss is here for good now, there is no getting over it. But you can control it, you can channel it. No one else can do that for you. Just you.

Kori takes the opportunity to steal Dick’s car, to head to the storage locker her second key opens, and Dick chases after her. Depite both of their promises not to abandon Rachel again, there they both go!

And, surprise surprise, the nuns immediatly drug the kid!

Turns out, the nuns want to lock Rachel in the basement to keep her away from her father and prevent her from being used to unleash evil upon the earth.

It… doesn’t go well for them.

Kori finds her Connecting the Dots meme storage locker, full of alien writing and pictures of Ravens. Dick shows up, and together they piece together enough of the murderboard evidence to decide Rachel is the Devourer of Worlds, part of a prophecy. WooOOoooOOOo *spooky hands*

They’re interrupted by a sudden earth-shaking explosion, because guess what?

Rachel BLEW UP THE FUCKING CONVENT

[Titans Rewatch]

[ageless-aislynn]

First off, I'm ashamed to admit I was too startled when I got the flirt option to actually click it, lol! I kicked myself immediately because I really wanted to know what they'd both say! And then, d'oh, of course, I remembered that Youtube exists and went looking for this!

I'm actually surprised at his response, I thought he'd laugh his head off at Sara or something but daaaaaang, Drack, what was that octave drop when he said "property damage?" 👀🤔😂

I love Drack, I just didn't expect to get the option to, you know, loooooove Drack, lol! 😂

I'm staying strong for Jaal, though, and YAY, we finally got a hug and he invited me to meet his mother, so PROGRESS. It's almost romancing time!

Jaal's ready to get his flirt on, yep. *nodnods* 😂

I'm nearly 90 hours in now and have done almost all of the side-quests so far. The hardest ones are the ones without any waypoints or indicators to let you know where to find a series of data pads or whatever. But I've decided to try to get all of them since I'm this close! Here's the benefit of doing lots of side-quests:

All my current worlds hit 100% pretty quickly, yay! My plan has been to established forward stations as soon as I move into a new area (since the weather or conditions are inevitably trying to kill you, so having a forward station to retreat to is very helpful) and to get the Remnant vaults working as soon as I can. *points to the part where the planet is inevitably trying to kill you* Then I work on the missions, tasks and quests without worrying that I'm going to freeze, burn or be fried by radiation. 😱😎👍

I've made good time on things, I think. Mainly because of my "prioritizing forward stations and vaults" strategy and just that I've gotten better at driving the NOMAD (I only had Cora scream, "RYDER, LOOK OUT!" one time -- and, to be fair, I was accidentally driving us off a cliff to our deaths on the asteroid with low gravity but hey, it was just ONE TIME *proud* 🤣😎👍). I've found a good load-out for my gear that suits my style as well: a Kett nightstick-looking thing for my melee weapon and a Widow sniper rifle and Hesh shotgun to give me power at both distance and up-close.

Vetra is my ride-or-die, I always bring her no matter what the mission, and Drack is excellent when you need a heavy hitter (don't fight one of those frigging ginormous Architects without your one-Krogan army!). I've got everybody as upgraded as possible so Cora is great at reviving everybody's shields, which has proved really helpful. And then I bring Jaal if I don't need heavy hitting or shield regenerating because, honestly, I think he gets a bit of cabin fever being left on the Tempest too long, lol! I love how he complains that he hates Kadara but if you keep finding him there and talking to him, Sara eventually will ask why he doesn't just stay on the ship and he pauses before saying that he's afraid he'll miss out on something. I love that he first appears to be this hulking alien warrior dude and then you start realizing he's actually very insecure about a lot of things. It's refreshing, honestly. 😍

Of course, now that I see Drack as a love interest option, I may have to change my playthrough plan...

*gigglesnort* Okay, so I know that he's not a romance option, but I do think it's way too much fun to get the option to flirt with him!

I really embarrassed myself in that barfight, BTW. I'd let Sara egg that dude on but I wasn't expecting a DODGE prompt to pop up and didn't have my hand on the controller so Sara got totally sucker punched. 😱 I reloaded a save point and redid that section because I couldn't let Drack down like that. You could tell he was so disappointed in me! 😐😉

Annnd that's my Mass Effect: Andromeda update of updateyness for today! 💃😁👍

[the-mehlwurm]

LAST ONE FOR NOW YAY

LOVE THAT I WROTE "PFLANZE :)" ("PLANT :)") ABOVE ONE PLANT

SKETCHES OF SOME PEOPLE I SAT BEHIND OF. ONE PERAON I DREW TWICE. FEELS KINDA CREEPY TO JUST DRAW SOMONE IDK BUT WAS A GREAT EXERCICE TO DRAW HAIR

"Leonidas :)" (MY CAT) HE IS LITERALLY THE STUPIDEST AND CUTEAT LITTLE GUY AND HE IS VERY UGLY AND HE JUST CAME INTO MY ROOM (AT LEAST I THINK SO BECAUSE THE CAT DOOR OPENED AND NOW I HEAR SOMEONE WALKING IN MY TOOM BUT ITS QUITE DAFK IN HERE)

(UPDATE: HE JUST JUMPED ON MY BED, AND STARYED PURRINGHE SOESNT EVEN KNKW THAT IM TALKING ABOUT HIM)

DREW 2 TRASH CANS FOR WHATEVER REASON

HAPPY PRIDE IG

what.

FUN FACT: IT WAS ACTUALLY THE FIRST DAY OF AUTIMN WHEN I DREW THIS

FUCK YOU BY THEU SED CAME OUT I GUESS

TRIED TO EXPLAUN SOME STARDEW VALLEY LORE TO SOMEONE AND THEY WERE CONFUSED BY MY DESCRIPTION OF KROBUS. SO I DREW THEM THIS. WHY. I REALLY HATE THIS.

HOT MULLIGAN. OF CIURSE.

FIRAT TIME I DREW MYSELF AS A FLOWER (THE ONLY REASON FOR THAT IS BTW MY NICKNAME MEL, WHICH I TURNED INTO MEHL, WHICH MEANS FLOUR, WHICH SONDS LIKE FLOWER. VERY SMART.)

"Ich bin dumm :(" ("I am stupid") I FUCKING HATE MATHS

NO BITCHES?

DYED MY HAIR ORANGE

"Frühling." ("spring") LOL

I CANT READ MY HADNWRIRING ON THE SKETCH OF THE FLY BUT ON THE SECOND ONE IT JUST SAYS "Spinne <3" ("Spider <3")

I WENT TO ENGLAND ON A SCHOOL TRIP, DREW A PIGEON AND PEPPA PIG. ON THE TOP OF THE PAGE IT SAYS "Ich mag England! :D" ("I like england")

THATS IT FOR NOW SO SORRY YOU HAVE TO WITNESS THIS

ALSO MY CAT IS CHEWING ON MY CLOSEG RIGHT NOW. WHY? AND MY NEIGHBOUR'S KID IS CRYING, I HOPE ITS OKAY :(((

[kingproteus]

What’s PMDD then?

Informational post by a post-hysto trans guy :) (btw terfs fuck off and burn in hell)

For me, PMDD was a circular pattern of my mood randomly going to shit, and pulling my life in after it. I’d then, for reasons unclear to me pre-diagnosis, have a few days (normally three or four) where I felt really good. I hadn’t noticed this circle followed my cycle for most of my early to late teens, because why would it? I’d never been told about PMDD, and all the uterus-havers in my family had the same issues I did.

I went through doctors, was cleared for bpd, borderline, asd, adhd, ibs, high blood pressure, and finally was settled into the “depression” and “anxiety without social anxiety” camps. Yay.

Of course, when I put the pieces together at 16 or so, it became clear to me that PMDD was the reason for this. The monthly times at which my life got shittier and shittier were placed before my period started, and evened out when I got my period, and went away a few days before my period ended. Then I had a few days of feeling good, a few days of feeling just okay, and then it was back to hell.

The first doctor I went to about my PMDD diagnosis immediately diagnosed me. She said it was obvious I had it. It was crazy, I had expected a fight over it.

This, of course, made getting on antidepressants a stupid hard task. I’d go on something and think it was working, but jokes on me that was just my PMDD letting up. Or I’d switch meds in a panic only to realize my extreme depression was my PMDD fucking me over.

In the end, I just got a laparoscopic hysterectomy with ovarian removal. I’m about two weeks post-op now, and I feel better than normal. I’m back to jogging and doing all my normal stuff. 10/10 surgery.

So… why the fuck does PMDD do this?

I’m obviously not an expert, just a sufferer, but the basic reason is my body freaks out when my hormones fluctuate. My body couldn’t figure out that my sex organs were doing a natural cyclical job, one they did every month. So my body went on high alert. People can have a mix of physical and emotional symptoms. Extreme depression, difficulty concentrating and remembering stuff, anxiety, insane back pain, some people even have worse vision.

When I got on T at 15, my symptoms were lessened by 50%. It HALVED my symptoms. It was a godsend. Seriously, I can’t stress what a good decision it was for me.

As it’s only been a few weeks for me, I can’t speak to how hysterectomy has effected me. I’ll definitely write some follow up posts about it all once I’ve gathered my thoughts.

The reason I post all this is because I’ve spent my whole fucking life, well, since I was 9 and got my first period, feeling like the only fucking trans guy with PMDD in the whole world. This shit was confusing, all the experts didn’t know what to do with me and my T levels, and I wasn’t welcome or comfortable in any PMDD-specific space.

It felt like shit, and I was lonely, and I literally only realized I had it 3 years ago.

Being a trans guy can already be an insanely lonely experience, but being a trans guy with a VERY uterus-specific problem even more so. But I’m done being embarrassed about it, or assuming people will use it to discredit my identity.

I’m just posting this because I want my account of it SOMEWHERE. Just to say that being a trans dude with PMDD is survivable, and normal, and fine. I’ve a good life and a great boyfriend and a kickass family. If my nine year old self could see me now he’d be amazed.

But yeah, shit gets better and PMDD can go fuck itself right beside my ovaries in the medical waste dumpster at the hospital.

[lumineescente]

hi guyys!!

i've been away for quite sometimes because i went on a trip to south korea!! and it was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING yay (i can certainly post some little pics if you are interested btw)

now that i'm back i'll work on making this drabble into a fic and in December you'll see a new fic from me from a fest, which i'm very very excited about

i hope everyone is having a great day / evening / night!