#which the whole gang probably will lbh

[atticfish]

The more I think about it, the more I think that maybe the Huntsman killed Ylfa's grandmother, and further, that Ylfa's grandmother was the werewolf. In many versions of the story, Little Red meets a wolf and trusts to reveal where in the woods she's headed -- at which point the wolf beats her to her grandmother's cottage, eats the grandmother, dons her clothing and takes her identity. But this Little Red seems a bit world-weary even before she gets wolfed, and Emily specifically places emphasis on Ylfa having unwavering respect and loyalty for authority figures. She might not trust any old wolf, but she would trust the Huntsman.

As for Getting Wolfed, either the Huntsman was a werewolf (he could even in some ways be a form of the Wolf, as both deal in Death, and both kill to eat), Ylfa's grandmother was a werewolf (Ylfa's lycanthropy being genetic in the context of Little Red Riding Hood as a story about coming of age would be a super interesting take imo; also, would satisfy well with the deliberate parallels drawn between Ylfa and her grandmother), or perhaps the Wolf gifted Ylfa her lycanthropy by other means (per se, not as a werewolf but as a spirit of Death).

[cockneydio]

Vaguely contemporary bucci gang cell phone shitpost

Inspired by this amazing post by @uminozerol I can't believe I actually followed through on this i hope this means my executive is functioning again omg anyway: (and I don't wanna hear shit from you gremlins about "this phone came out in 2003" It's about the energy of the era okay!):

Bruno Bucciarati

Bruno was that guy with a lot of communication devices, for crime reasons (which btw is why such devices used to be banned in schools). To wit:

Crime beeper, but you gotta make sure those payphones aren't up on the wire Booch

Blackberry with the click wheel that was the first of the more elevated "pager🧐" type devices. U could get email on them so that's pretty cool. He had a Palm Pilot in the 90s but could never get it to sync to his PC, mostly because his PC was running MS-DOS and yknow what was probably actually still just a word processor lbh.

But I'll be damned if my man isn't seen with the sexiest newest whip on the market, before it hits the market, even if he doesn't know what half the functions are. So he gets a Razr, which I understand is hot and new again. Hits the globe key once and incurs $39,768 in data usage fees.

Pannacotta Fugo

Nokia 5110. Sturdy. Reliable. Always there when you need it. Won't leave you in a lurch when the going gets tough. He sees no need to update to a newer model, and amuses himself by changing the face plates to the most crude and offensive things that one mall kiosk has to offer. Also you can crack someone's orbital bone if you bring the corner of one of these suckers down on their face. Probably the kind of phone Naomi Campbell used.

Leone Abbacchio

one of these construction hat yellow Nextels that let you chirp on it like a walkola-talkola because he's still got that boot shoved way way down his throat but nobody ever chips him on it bc nobody ever needs to speak with Leone Abbacchio that urgently. He wears it on the belt clip that you have to buy separately.

Guido Mista (i accidentally put this in order of when they joined the gang I think..like I did this at random and put it in my notes at random and still I- )

This boy grew up thinking a car phone inside a Cadillac was the height of class and he's not wrong so he owns the car phone, but not the car. Even more unfortunately for mista, these things don't actually need to be installed in a car in order to work? So imagine Guido "Swagnificent" Mista hanging on the street corner with one of these 26-lb beauties hanging on his shoulder, cord all kinked for no reason, antenna out the back, lookin' fly for the ladeez. You can't because he doesn't.

Narancia Ghirga

SIDEKICK! So fun for The Teens amirite MTV?? It flips horizontal and Backstreet Boys vertical! Isn't that fun! And it has a whole keyboard but it's Abercrombie cool cos it's not a lame old blackberry like dad has! Limited edition Juicy Couture model bc that's the random image I clicked on and nothing could top that except for maybe von Dutch.

Giorno Giovanna

This bastard uses a land line because he is an asshole, which of course then becomes a personality trait. Will drop unnecessary bits of information about Guglielmo Marconi when he's waxing on about the superiority of tangible, wired communication, and because he's the boss everyone has to listen and agree.

[thewindsofsong]

Ok ok ok!!! So last night I had a dream that I rec’ed a dmbj/svsss crossover fanfic, but never actually read the fic. Then I woke up because my cat was yowling in the middle of the night.

After talking with @1ebilcat and @merinnan for a while, I managed to flesh out a basic outline of what that fic might look like. Please know that because this is a crossover with svsss, there is papapa mentioned. several times.... (nothing actually explict is described because that would make this not a not-fic)

So one day SQQ and SQH are messing around trying to figure out what this new “unique one of a kind treasure” does when SQH accideny drops some melon seeds on it or something and it suddenly activates.

Meanwhile in dmbj world, the Iron Triangle are pretty much retired from the whole tomb raiding business, but still run Wushanju (better now that wu xie actually concentrates on running it instead of running off every week). Someone comes in with a strange artifact that they found while clearing out a deceased relatives store room they want to sell. Wu xie buys it because he’s never seen anything like it before and wants to research it.

Xiaoge gets super weird vibes from the object, but it doesn’t seem overtly menacing, so he leaves wu xie be (if wu xie is preoccupied he gets in marginally less trouble). However, when xiaoge touches the object with wu xie and Pangzi nearby, it grows a point and gives xiaoge a paper cut. The blood touches the object and it activates.

One blinding flask of light and disorienting tumble latter, they find themselves at the foot of a picturesque mountain with a gate that labels them at the foot of cang qiong mountain. They’re quickly found by the cang qiong crew and everyone is super weird out by each other. Things happen and eventually LBH crashes in and says his shizun is missing mobei-jun is there too because SQH is also missing. More communication happens and everyone realizes this is the artifact’s fault. No one knows where the artifact is.

Meanwhile SQQ and SQH wake up someone completely unfamiliar to either of them. After using magic to light things up, they see that they are in a tomb absolutely covered in different depictions of penises: there’s pictures on the walls, statues of men with WAY TOO BIG penises, sooooo many dildos. Queue SQQ immediately launching himself at SQH with a shriek of outrage because “THERE’S NO WAY THIS ISN’T YOUR FAULT YOU SHITTY HACK AUTHOR!!”

Back with the iron triangle, there’s a research montage going on as they and other CQ sect member scour the libraries for any information about the mcguffin that caused all this randomness. At some point in all of this, iron triangle go to MQF to see if he can take a look at Xiaoge regarding his memory problems. After some more research, MQF learns about an herb that could stabilize his qi and stabilize the fluctuations that cause his amnesia.

Turns out that while proper cultivation doesn’t exist in dmbj world, the Zhang family line has managed to cultivate the family line to extended life but because they’re the only ones that can (maybe due to bronze gate?) it has a lot of dangers. 

The herb needed is of course incredibly rare and only found in some horribly dangerous location. Xiaoge wants to go alone because he doesn’t want wu xie and pangzi to be in danger, but knows that they won’t be left behind. There’s some agnst had about how Xiaoge feels he’s brought pain and suffering to wu xie and pangzi, but of course neither of them are having any of it. The three of them talk about how they’ve never regretted meeting each other and how the adventures they’ve shared have brought meaning and joy into their lives. 

The three of them cobble together some hotpot and spend the night before setting off soaking their feet side by side, content and secure in their bonds with each other. Its very sweet. 

The next day, the three of them set off with LQG and LBH. Right before arriving at the location, bullshit happens and Iron Triangle get trapped in the location where the herb is located and trigger a wife plot in which papapa is the only way out. Iron triangle proceeds to have incredibly kinky marathon sex. LBH and LQG can only listen awkwardly from the boundary, not able to get through, but also not wanting to leave completely just in case something else happens. The sexual tension between LBG and LQG grows to new heights. Neither will do anything about it until SQQ is back home safe. 

After the marathon is over and iron triangle has time to actually sleep, the three of them get cleaned up with the herb in tow and head back to Cang Qiong. They get the herb to MQF who tells them it will take at least a day to prepare the pill for xiaoge to take. That night, Iron triangle has sweet, tender, affirming sex because while they all agree that while xiaoge not losing his memories every few decades is for the better, it also means that he’ll have to carry the memories of wu xie and pangzi long after they’er gone, with no hope of them ever being together again.  Xiaoge assures wu xie and pangzi that this is what he wants, to know that at least at some point, he loved and was loved, that he had a connection to this world and that his life has meaning beyond his obligations to the Zhang clan. Wu xie and pangzi make xiaoge promise to live on after they pass and to find him in their next lives.

Xiaoge takes the pill and the search for a way back home continues again in earnest. Eventually, LBH travels back to the demon realm and figures out how to track the artifact through space and time because his protag halo is too strong to keep him away from his love interest for too long. 

Wu xie and pangzi learn some basic meditation techniques that disciples would learn when first arrive at the mountain. Its too late for them to cultivate to longevity and there’s no guarantee that its even possible in their home world to cultivate if you aren’t a Zhang. Regardless, wu xie and pangzi don’t want immortality, they just want to spend as much time as they can with xiaoge. Wu xie is gifted a flute made with special bamboo and pangzi is gifted a wine jug from Zui Xian Peak. Both have spiritual properties that may or may not be able to function when back home, but they’er good gifts given in good faith. 

LBH, losing patience, forces iron triangle to get moving so he can save SQQ. He bursts through time and space and iron triangle plus LBH, MBJ, and LQG end up in dmbj world, in Wushanju. After scaring the crap out of Wang Meng, the group realizes that while several days have passed in svsss world, its only been a few hours since iron triangle was pulled away. Which is good because Ershu was likely to call in an army if wu xie went missing for no apparent reason. The whole thing would have been way too messy. Probably more than one person would have died. 

What follows is a night of LBH, LQG, and MBJ attempting different divination spells to try and pin point the exact location of SQQ and SQH to varying degrees of success. None of them are good at divination. Regardless, the three of them manage to get a general location of where the two missing peak lords might be and the iron triangle gets to work searching the internet for any rumors or information of any tombs that might be in the area. (Its just wu xie and pangzi looking, but xiaoge standing around still in his beautiful borrowed robes from CQ is good moral support.) 

They hear about some local legends about an ecentric noble from a bygone era that was buried in a very peculiar tomb. Potential tomb located, the whole group prepares to head out. the SVSS gang is convinced to not fly over immediately because that would be waaaaay to flashy and draw unwanted attention to them that would delay things even more. The six of them cram in together into the van and head off. Svss gang are forced into modern clothing and are def a little too big to comfortably sit in the van. LBH hits his head on a doorway at least once on this adventure. At lease two women and maybe a guy slip their numbers to him too. The man is supernaturally gorgeous.

After some more road trip shenanigans,  they arrive at the rumored entrance to the tomb and head in. The tomb has a few traps here and there, but is practically child’s play for the iron triangle to get through. Svsss are appropriately impressed by their competence and LBH and LQG think specifically about how the iron triangle is a true threesome that supports each other and fights together. MBJ just wants his hamster boy back. 

When they near the central chamber of the tomb, they hear the faint sounds of fighting which spurs SVSSS to speed ahead while iron triangle tries to get them to at least be a little cautious about setting off traps. 

The sight that LBH sees when he breaks into the main chamber like the kool aid man is a disheveled SQQ beating SQH over the head with a baton? Kind of. Its a baton carved into the shape of a penis. SQQ immediately stops and tries to put on his “peerless immortal cultivator” mask on with a flick of his fan, but its hard for that to be effective when your hair is all over the place and your in a room covered in penises. SQH dives for his king’s thighs and cries in relief that he’s no longer trapped in a room full of dildos and penises with SQQ. 

Then the iron triangle catches up and the realization that SVSSS gang is in modern clothing sinks in. The transmigrators freeze for just a second before jumping in front of iron triangle with a thousand questions. They ask in their shitty English which leaves answering the questions mostly to wu xie because pangzi’s english is pretty spotty and xiaoge doesn’t like talking in general, let alone a foreign language.

The whole group eventually leaves the tomb and all its phallic glory behind and get above ground where there’s phone service again. After a bit of searching, the transmigrators realize that while this world is very similar to their original world, there’s no signs of “Proud Immortal Demon Way” ever being written here, no other signs pointing to the two of them existing in this world. SVSS gang are very concerned as they watch SQQ and SQH talk in a strange language to these relative strangers, but don’t feel like its the time to figure out whats going on until everyone gets back home. The now expanded group makes their way back to Wushanju in an even more cramped road trip back. SQQ absolutly ends up in LBH’s lap at least once and SQH ends up with MBJ’s head in his lap at some point. its all very cute as the feeling of everyone being accounted for and safe settles in. 

Maybe there’s some stuff about SQQ and SQH being transmigrators and them being tempted for all of half a second to stay in this world that is so very much like their original world but choosing to go back with their lovers and the lives they’ve made for themselves. 

As the complete SVSSS gang now gets ready to head back home, the Iron triangle makes a huuuuge goody bag of all the snacks and treats that SQQ and SQH have been missing ever since they’ve transmigrated and put together a basic netbook plus solar charger for them to take back. There won’t be internet service back in SVSS world, but they loaded it up with a whooole bunch of web novels and pop songs, along with a few spare parts. 

SVSSS gang finally makes their way home after having a large farewell dinner at Wushanju at Pangzi’s insistence and LBH bullies his way into helping out. Its a very sweet scene of laughing and drinking. After dinner is done, SVSSS decide to go back immediately because the time dilation thing would mean they would be away for longer than they would like. 

Once back home, LBH, SQQ, and LQG have a confrontation/conversation about their relationships with each other and figure out if they want to try being all together, all three of them. MBJ confines SQH to his northern palace. Specifically their bedroom. He was also the one that remembered to grab the artifact that caused all these problems to begin with while everyone else was distracted by dildo tomb.

Iron triangle goes back to their retirement, at peace with the decisions they’ve made and the lives they’ve chosen to live.

THE END!!!

[ruoxye]

MXTX College AU!

MDZS:

Wei Wuxian is a 3rd year in college and was kicked out of his previous dorm for pulling a prank that involved setting lose 33 chickens and bubbles, lots of bubbles. So, he was forced to move to a new residence hall. there, he bunks with Lan Wangji, 3rd year, (the only person that didn’t have a roommate). During his time with LWJ, WWX constantly is asking to borrow pens, pencils, and various other school supplies. Luckily, LWJ has enough patience to let his roommate borrow his stuff (despite them never being returned). One night WWX was gaming all night, which kept LWJ up as well (though he also couldn’t help but steal a few glances at WWX throughout the night) who was at his breaking point with WWX’s chaos. Thus, the next day, the sleep-deprived LWJ slips up and forgets his pencil bag in the dorm and class is about to start. WWX notices and offers a pen, but only if LWJ asks for it.

WWX: *while waving the pen in he air* Ah ah ah. Where are your manners Wangji? Aren’t you forgetting something?

LWJ: *quietly through gritted teeth* May I borrow your pen?

WWX: Eh? What was that? I cant hear you. You know my old ears aren’t what they used to be

LWJ: *with much pain but louder* M-may. I please. Borrow. Your. Pen.

WWX: There you go, that’s all you had to do! *laughs and tosses the pen to LWJ*

The next day LWJ remembers his pencil bag, but secretly tucks the borrowed pen away in his desk.

One day, WWX is framed for stealing from a mother student. LWJ is his only alias; however, people think WWX is threatening LWJ to comply with him since LWJ is known to be an i right student. Further, WWX is known to be poor and always borrowing things, so people have reason to keep him guilty. Along they way, more things are stolen around campus. Many people still blame WWX but other students (most of which come from tougher backgrounds) are also implicated as well. The pair must find the true culprit and help the other innocent students.

SVSSS:

Shen Qingqiu is a college professor. Luo Binghe is a 1st year college student. Back in Luo Binghe’s 1st and 2nd year of middle school (7th and 8th grade) SQQ was one of LBH’s teachers and they formed a close teacher-student relationship. However, SQQ disappeared from LBH’s life after that. In college, LBH sees that SQQ is teaching at the college he was accepted at. LBH signs up for one if SQQ’s classes and their lives intertwine again. However, SQQ is less than enthusiastic to get close to LBH again. Apparently a few rumors about their relationship rose about SQQ and LBH back then and SQQ didn’t want to tarnish LBH’s reputation. That won’t stop LBH from getting close to his Shizun again.

LBH: Shizun, I don’t understand. Why must you always brush me off?

SQQ: It’s best if you didn’t know...

LBH: *grasps SQQ by the shoulders* But I want too know. Nothing will hurt me.

SQQ: *surprised by LBH’s newfound height and his boldness* Stop, this is not appropriate for a teacher and student. I don’t want anyone to see us. I don’t want you to get hurt again- *oops, he let it slip*

LBH: *eyes widening in realization* So that’s why... All those years ago.

SQQ proceeds to tell LBH the whole truth about why he left all those years ago.

LBH: I don’t care what others say, Shizun. I only care what you think.

TGCF:

xie lian is a 4th year honor student admired by all. Hua Cheng is a 2nd year that is said to be smart yet “troubled.”What seems to be by fate, XL and HC meet when they accidentally swap papers while printing them at the school library. This leads to more chance encounters and eventually friendship. Unbeknownst to XL, many years ago (XL was 13 and HC was 10) he helped HC with a group of bullies on multiple occasions (of course XL never to know who he helped). HC and XL grow close. However, a rumor is spread that Qi Rong, XL’s cousin, is involved in gang violence and XL’s family name is tarnished. XL’s reputation around school is ruined and more and more preposterous rumors are spread just to target XL.

XL: *after just finding out about another nasty rumor* I just don’t know what to do anymore. I-I’m considering dropping out of college. I’ll probably be able to find a job at my parent’s business.

HC: Gege, I know you don’t really want to do that.

XL: *head in hands, on the verge of tears* But no one at this school throws a glance in my direction, even the teachers treat me differently. Besides, with my bad reputation I won’t be able to find a job after college. I might as well-

HC: *embraces XL* To me, you’ll always be the brightest star in the sky. No matter what anyone says or does to harm you, I swear I’ll stand by your side. I know you, they don’t. You’ll always have me. *XL begins to sob*

The pair decide to figure out the culprit behind the original rumor and set things right. Who knew it may be someone closer to them than they think.

[pastelbatfandoms]

Riverdale Asks

Favorite couple? BUGHEAD. Wanted to put gifs but I can’t because it messes up the numbers!! grr....

Least favorite couple? Hal and Alice I also dgf about Penelope and Clifford. 

Favorite parent? Fred!

Least favorite parent? The Blossoms

Who did you want to kill Jason? Polly,Cheryl or Hal.

Favorite episode? Bughead first kiss ♥♥♥

Favorite moment? that one^

Favorite quote? Veronica’s entire dialogue when she confronts Cheryl for the first time. “Sorry Cheryl Bombshell my specialty is ice.” 

Who is the most annoying character? Archie

If you could be one of the Riverdale characters, who’d you pick? Betty of course! or Veronica because she has the least amount of drama but also isn’t dense or flaky like Archie.

If you had to join football, cheerleading, Blue & Gold, or the party planning committee (?) which would you pick? Blue & Gold.

Who is more of an asshole: Cheryl or Reggie? Reggie. He has had no character development so rn he’s a bully just to be one.

What character makes your skin crawl? Hal,i just really don’t like him But I hate Cheryl’s parents and Ms Grundy.

Would you rather have Veronica or Betty as your BFF? Veronica. I’d be jealous of Betty lol though I feel like Betty and I have more in common. I’d honestly probably try and befriend Cheryl so I could help her. 

Would you rather date Archie or Jughead?Jughead,no contest!

What is the least likely scenario in the whole show? That Cheryl actually DOES get into a relationship with FP but we’ll see. although...I think that’s more likely then Cheryl becoming lesbian,sadly. 

Favorite scene at Pop’s? when Jughead see’s Betty again for the first time. 

Favorite sarcastic Jug quote? so many! off the top of my head, “It’s called Necrophilia Reggie,can you spell it?” 

Would you rather be trapped in a room with Alice Cooper or Penelope Blossom? ALICE,I think Penelope would kill me a lot sooner than Alice. 

Would you actually befriend any of the characters on the show? YES!

Would you support Archie’s music career? sure I guess. I mean he has his Dad and Ronnie for that so....

Who do you think should get more screen time in season two? FP and Alice! together! also hope they show Midge. Also Joaquin needs to come back. 

Who deserves less screen time in season two? Hermione idc about her fucking money “Problems” 

Any unpopular opinions? Am I the only one who DOESN’T want Chic to be FP and Alice’s son...like I don’t want Betty and Jughead to be related.....

Bughead or Barchie? BUGHEAD!!

Veronica and Archie or Betty and Jughead? See above^

Kevin and Moose or Kevin and Joaquin? Kevin and Joaquin.

What are your thoughts on Polly? She kinda annoys me and I think she’s a bit crazy but I don’t really have an opinion either way. 

Any predictions on season two? Dark Betty!! 

If you had to kill off another character, who would it be? Hal lol or Penelope. 

Would you have helped the gang (minus Archie, lbh) investigate Jason’s murder? yes.

Should Hermione be with Fred or stick with Hiram? IDC!

Favorite parent-couple? Alice and FP.

Was Archie’s relationship with Ms. Grundy actually worth the multiple episodes?? not really,especially when she got off Scott free to go prey on other teen boys!! WTF....

Watch a movie with Jug at The Twilight or drink a milkshake with him at Pop’s? BOTH. Pop’s first then The Twilight. 

Who’s the real DILF? FP Jones ♥

Who’s the real MILF? uuuhhh. Alice when she was younger XD

WHO THE FUCK SHOT FRED. IDK but i’m pretty sure he’s still alive. Archie WOULD NOT be able to cope with his dad dying,he could barely cope with his parents divorce!