#which sucks if it's already been posted. bc who's going to know!!! or care!!!

[dragonbleps]

I'll say i "finished" a story and then continue to slightly edit the wording for weeks afterwards

[evilkitten3]

ok so like i know the reason is just. sexism but one thing that really irks me about how the post-timeskip naruto manga handled which characters became medic nin bc it makes absolutely no sense to me

sakura's decision to train under tsunade makes sense, and i love that she got a super strength power up, so no notes there, but the other teams.... yeesh

so first off, team ten. we're told that ino decided to follow sakura into mednin land to keep being rivals with her... despite that at no point factoring into their rivalry at all beforehand. ino never showed any interest in that, nor was the yamanaka clan ever mentioned to have anything to do with healing as far as i can remember. it's like going to art school to stay with your bestie when your goal is to become a dentist. why are you there. find other ways to spend time together. it also kinda goes against her family's whole thing as. the guys who do the torture stuff. and it's barely ever relevant anyway

for team ten, i think the team medic should've been shikamaru, and i think this not just bc i think it makes more sense skill-wise (something about the way the nara clan's various shadow jutsu work just screams "you need good chakra control for this" to me), but also bc i think it would make asuma's death a thousand times more painful. bc shikamaru is a slacker. he's not learning medical ninjutsu bc he wants to, he's learning it bc someone on the team has to in order to stick together. they're all chuunin now; one of them has to be a medic. them's the rules. but he doesn't really care that much, even when he is trying to learn, and he's so used to being smart enough to not have to pay attention in lessons anyway that he's not prepared for classes that require his full focus. and then asuma dies and shikamaru is doomed to spend the rest of his fucking life wondering if he could've saved him by paying just a little more attention to those medical ninjutsu lessons (he could not have (but he'll never know for sure))

team eight makes some sense, since giving the girl who struggles with fighting the healing job isn't exactly out of nowhere, but i do feel it was the lazy choice. kiba already had a sister involved in the medical business, even if she deals more with animals, so he could've started learning from her and found that he liked it. plus kiba's goal is to be hokage, and the current hokage is a mednin, so it's not like it wouldn't support his goal. or shino could do it; would add another layer to his character. hinata works fine but. it's just not a very interesting development imo

but what really gets me is team gai. good freaking grief. out of every single team, team gai was the one with the most obvious choice. bc there was only one choice. lee can't do any kind of ninjutsu, and tenten's only real backstory is that her chakra control isn't good enough for her to be a medic nin. so it had to be neji. canon establishes that every team has to have a medic; this is a policy tsunade got passed even before she became hokage, so no way in hell is she going back on it now.

moreover, neji becoming a medical ninja - especially if hiashi encouraged it - would show some development for the hyuuga clan maybe starting to suck a bit less. bc as a medic, neji would be bound by oath to stay alive for as long as possible. imagine a world in which hizashi came back and hiashi was able to tell his brother that not only was their family starting to change, but his son had chosen a path that would prevent him from ever following in his father's footsteps. it would be the first step (of many) to show that the hyuuga clan was freeing itself from its own bullshit.

also it would've made sakura catching the zetsu pretending to be neji a thousand times funnier. like that's her coworker. they've shared shifts at the hospital together. she's seen neji drink vodka straight from a bottle and then crash on her couch after they got out of a twelve-hour surgery on the fucking dumbass chuunin who managed to step on his own boobytrap. she knows him.

[thestarminstrel]

don't very often come into the tag to post my thoughts unprompted, but finished challengers and. eugene.

what did pacat do to him.

i already wasn't expecting great things just based on the preview where eugene, my poor boy, just gave a weak thumbs-up at getting benched. but i had faith and hope as foolish as it was.

like, you're telling me that eugene labao who spent years working to get on the fencing team, every year told his mom "this will be the year", and gave a training camp his all just. gives a forced smile at being booted off the team for state?? what?? if pacat wanted to go with a eugene that cares more about the team than his personal resume, fine. okay. but eugene is allowed to be more upset. he should be. he was given everything he dreamed of by williams saying that they could have two reserves, and now it's gone. i don't care how much a team-player you are, that's devastating. especially as a high school junior (in america and australia i GUESS). if you want to go to college for fencing, i imagine the state competition is a great way to get scouted. also, you miss out on fencing with your teammates for the last or second-to-last time. getting benched as a freshman sucks but you got some more years in your high school career. but eugene's a junior, this is his first year on the team, so now he's fencing state maximum once. that's just a cruel stab in the back by williams, genuinely. he should have been given time to be upset onscreen whether it was privately or with friends.

which then, what the fuck williams. you literally said that you could have two reserves- that you FOUGHT for two reserves- and all the sudden eugene can't compete. i never did high school fencing and maybe things are different in australia, but that seems a little ridiculous to me. like wtf did the higher-ups tell her? "yeah you can have two reserves for one competition but that's it" ???????????????? did pacat have an experience like this or something bc i have no clue how that's a logical train of thought a high school sports organizer can have. i will admit that one could argue she's competitive and wants to win. like sure but then why have a second reserve. could she not decide and was always planning to cut nick or eugene depending on who did better at the camp? what kind of coach is that?? none of the other coaches did that - not even donati and she is neck to neck with williams in this rivalry. it doesn't matter how much she wants king's row to have this gold medal- if williams was intentionally doing any of this, uncaring of whether or not she hurts one of the fencing boys, she should not be a coach actually. period. again, i love early fence williams. but oh my god the way she handled this was so bad.

which then brings me to: what is the point of eugene.

i love eugene, he has been one of my favorite characters since 2020 when i first read volumes 1-3. he is one of the reasons why i get so excited about fence and makes me so happy as a character. but honestly? you could cut eugene out of fence and nothing would change. i know he's not haiden or nichoji, but he was put there for a reason that i think pacat forgot. he never has any signficant screentime unless it's to be comedic relief or be a supporting character to nick, the other "underdog" on the fencing team. i really do hate to say it, but reading challengers really made me wish pacat had written out eugene sooner or not written him at all. he's not treated well as a character, and at this point, i don't understand why eugene is even in this story.

another point i want to make is nick. what the hell is wrong with nick. you're telling me that the same nicholas "zero" cox who was about to give up his scholarship and chance to fence so that eugene, a guy he barely knew at the time, could finally be on the team is the same nicholas who only says "but coach--" when eugene gets kicked off the team? that is a terrible friend. i'm not saying nick should have said "i'm not going to state if eugene isn't!!" but he should have called williams out on it, found eugene later and say "dude i'm so sorry this sucks" -- literally ANYTHING!!! but no, nick bever acknowledges it outside of this panel and is too busy at state apparently to notice eugene being bummed about, you know, not fencing with him. it's so, insane to me that nick became this person that doesn't bother checking in on his bro. that tells me he's more concerned about fencing and seiji - which to each his own but i would drop anyone who did me like that. can't even manage a "how r u doing" text what the actual fuCk. i can not stress enough how much i do not like this nick right now.

in conclusion: i need eugene to have a good cry with his mom or his bros about this bullshit and to eat so much good arroz caldo. please save my son from the narrative, it keeps being mean to him :(((

[howtobecomeadragon]

here's what mlvn's say about their ship and what they want from s5 when they're not feeling defensive about byler:

(these are from a reddit post posted about a month ago with no byler interactions, and these are many of the same people claiming that mlvn is perfect, there are no big issues, etc when byler is brought up as an alternative ship. all of these comments have upvotes and no arguing. they were all on the same page with no defensiveness about the perceived shortcomings of the relationship and wishing for better for mlvn in s5.)

many acknowledgments that the ship has been sidelined

acknowledgment that El does NOT compliment Mike. acknowledgment that Mike's self esteem is tied to El, although there is no awareness that this not a good thing. they want to see El supporting Mike in some way, which means they know we're currently missing this. they want to see just 20+ seconds of Mike and El enjoying each other's company. "more than 20 seconds" bc the show does this with other couples but they're still waiting to see that with mlvn. 🤨🤨 "it's only fair." ooookay, and who always says shit about fan service?

acknowledgment that mlvn as a couple has sucked for the last two seasons, for half the show, for the entire time that they've officially been a couple. always going back to the romantic moment of "El fell into his arms in the sauna test" which was not a scripted moment, MBB literally collapsed and Finn caught her. always going back to El being protective, i.e. making sure he doesn't die, which she does for everyone in these scenes.

this was a really interesting one bc I think a lot of bylers think that mlvns want to see improvement from Mike’s behavior in the relationship, but most were more focused on El needing to do more.

"she hasn't demonstrated concern and empathy so much for Mike in the last two seasons" 🤨 then why do you ship it 🤔

"I don't doubt how much El adores and care for Mike but she needs to show it better/more" 🤔🤔 ohhhhh okay, so you have decided that El adores Mike and are frustrated that this isn't reflected well in El's behavior since they've been a couple. you made up your mind probably in 2016 and are frustrated by the lack of follow-up and progression in their relationship since 2017. gotcha. 😇😇

mlvn's blame the writing for El appearing to have inconsistent motivations and characterization bc she isn't a perfect girlfriend to Mike that doesn't act like she's head over heels. hmmm. 🤔

someone seems to be about halfway there in realizing that maybe with her lack of a good foundation of socialization when she entered into a romantic relationship, she doesn't have the standard emotional growth, but not quite extending that as far as "maybe she should grow a little on her own first." reminder that when a byler says something like this, they're accused of ableism and "disregarding what El wants"

acknowledgment that we have not gotten to see mlvn functioning as a couple and that we don't know HOW they function. we don't know their bf/gf dynamics. after 4 seasons. mlvns are often stating to bylers that their endgame ship is already set, all that's left is a happy ending, but in reality they are still hoping to see how their ship functions as a couple, to see one half of the ship compliment the other half. they don't doubt that they are endgame, but they're crossing their fingers for just bare minimum coupley interactions, while all the other established couples get those. I wonder why 🤨🤨

acknowledgment that the duffers haven't been interested in portraying mlvn as a perfect couple: "flakey history"

claims that El was more mature in s1 than s3 and s4. WILD coming from mlvns that call bylers sexist. "more mature" bc she seemed to like Mike more. El not acting like a perfect girlfriend to Mike is bad writing and a total mess apparently. totallllly not purposeful at all, nope 🙄

more acknowledgment that El hasn't been a great girlfriend to Mike. some overlapping reasons with bylers (she's not complimenting Mike, she never apologizes), some not (the root of this is bc she takes on too much responsibility for everyone's safety...?).

acknowledgment that the way mlvn is functioning now is NOT a 2 way functioning relationship and that El is NOT meeting Mike's emotional needs. no acknowledgment of who does meet Mike's emotional need, though. 😏

acknowledgment that their relationship thus far has been bogged down with "unnecessary" arguments and drama

acknowledgment that they don't really discuss their feelings now and there is air that still needs to be cleared

acknowledgment that the writing is good otherwise in the show but for soooome reason it lacks when it specifically focuses on mlvn's relationship. 🤨🤨 again, still hoping for those scraps of "how do these two even play off each other" in the final season and the third season of mlvn together as an official couple.

all of this to say really: the super aggressive mlvns on reddit, for the most part, know that they're exaggerating the idyllic nature of mlvn's relationship when they're arguing against bylers. they thought mlvn was really cute in s1 and s2 and have been waiting 6 years since 2017 for their relationship to be cute again, and they're frustrated and just wanting the bare minimum in s5.

they're still waiting for the basics about "cute moments that last more than 20 seconds," they're still waiting to see how they function as a couple despite them dating for 2 seasons now. they're still waiting for El to act like a good girlfriend and not just a "superhero."

[agaypanic]

Grumpy Malcolm With a Sunshine Reader Headcanons

Masterlist

Request Something!

A/N: holy shit i finally posted a fic. i posted this separately bc the ask was a bit lengthy and i didn’t want the whole post to feel bulky or anything

***

It was so weird for everyone when you first got together

You’re always so positive and energetic

Meanwhile, Malcolm hates everything and thinks the world sucks

Before you get together, it’s kinda like him and Cynthia where he likes you and stuff, but is slightly put off by your energy

“Hey, Malcolm!” The boy jolted, not expecting such an energetic greeting at seven in the morning. You plopped down into the seat next to him and took out a notebook.

“Hey, Y/n,” Malcolm responded, much more toned down compared to you.

You tossed your bundle of glitter gel pens onto the desk, letting them scatter around as you looked at your friend. “So, what did you do this weekend?”

Malcolm sighed. Francis and Piama had come to visit, which usually excited him. But those two days were filled with passive aggressiveness and backhanded comments between the couple and his mom. “Watched TV.” Malcolm usually liked complaining about his crazy family, but he figured he’d spare you from it because he didn’t want to take you out of your giddy mood. “What about you? What did you do?”

You were lucky that class wouldn’t start for a few more minutes, because you immediately went into an excited ramble about what you did over the weekend. To Malcolm, your energy made things as mundane as doing the dishes sound interesting.

Malcolm puts off you meeting his family as long as possible

Which isn’t long, considering his mom would find out pretty quick that you two are dating

He’s so worried that his family is gonna embarrass him and scare you off

But by the end of the night, he doesn’t know if he should be happy or scared that you actually like his family

You and Malcolm hadn’t even reached the front door yet, and you could already hear yelling and glass breaking. Malcolm cringed at the noises, putting a hesitant hand on the doorknob before looking at you. “Are you sure you wanna meet my family? I don’t know if you could tell, but we aren’t exactly… normal.”

“Malcolm, I don’t care if your family’s crazy.” You said comfortingly, giving him a peck on the lips. “I wanna meet them. Besides, I bet it’ll be fun!”

Your boyfriend didn’t really share your thoughts, but they gave him the push he needed to open the door and welcome you into the house. 

As soon as you stepped out of the front family room and into the kitchen, you and Malcolm were met with chaos. Lois was trying to cook, but kept getting distracted and yelling at Reese and Dewey, who kept shouting and fighting each other. Malcolm’s youngest brother, Jamie, wandered around the house, dropping toys without looking back at them. They would either make people yelp from accidentally stepping on them or be thrown at the two fighting brothers. The whole place seemed to be a complete mess. The only person who seemed unaffected by the environment was Hal, who was sitting at the dinner table drinking coffee and reading a newspaper.

You nudged Malcolm, your bright smile contrasting his horrified look. “See? This looks fun!”

Sometimes, your energy can be a little much for Malcolm

Not that he would ever tell you that

It’s just that he’s so used to people around him drawing attention for one reason or another

And sometimes, he just wants to lay low

But if anyone ever tells you to calm down or to “stop being so weird,” he’s gonna fight them

Sitting at lunch with your friends, you were talking your boyfriend’s ear off. Everyone except Malcolm seemed to tune out you talking about some artist’s new album you had been listening to. Although Malcolm was a bit tired from his classes, he nodded along and added comments whenever he felt necessary.

But for the most part, he just listened to you talk. “And now she’s going on tour, and she’s gonna be playing at a place that’s only like an hour away from us. We totally have to go, Mal!”

“Maybe,” Malcolm responded, thinking about how many extra shifts he’d probably have to pick up at the Lucky Aide to afford the tickets. “But remember, Y/n, it’s not guaranteed we’ll be able to get tickets.”

“I have hope.” You shrugged. “But before we go, you gotta listen to the album first. I think you’d like it, Mal. Oh my gosh, there’s this one song that I think could totally be our song, you know what I mean? It’s called-”

“Oh my God.” Reese appeared behind you and Malcolm, staring at you with some displeasure. “Y/n, do you ever. Shut. Up?”

All you did was blink at Reese, wondering how or if you should respond.

But Malcolm came to your defense immediately. “How about you shut up, Reese?”

“Oh, come on, Malcolm,” Reese said, rolling his eyes. “You have to admit that it gets annoying with her talking all the time.”

Instead of replying, Malcolm jumped out of his seat and pounced on his brother, taking him to the floor. Part of you wanted to try to break up the fight. But despite all the violence, you thought it was sweet of Malcolm to defend you with such urgency.

And as much as Malcolm wanted to distance himself from it, he would probably always attract attention and bring chaos. But as long as you liked it, he supposed he didn’t mind it as much.

***

Malcolm in the Middle Taglist: @rattilol

[angelgoeslewd]

Hi Angel, could i request Wren and Landry seeing a very pregnant PC and maybe the water break when there with them? So for Wren when they play card or something like and Landry maybe at the pub or somewhere else i don't mind thank you have a great day/night!

finally got around to posting this 💕 currently dealing with admissions rn which SUCKS bleh

also gonna take the liberty here to make pc pregnant w their kid bc why not 😎👉👉 if u want just a rando pregnancy lmk!!

⚠️ warnings: heavy pregnancy talk: water breaking, stressful births, etc. mentions of harper being less than savory to pregnant people, reader is able to give birth, possessiveness, breeding kink/baby trapping.

Wren:

if you hid it from him

if you actually managed to hide your pregnancy up to this point from this man, color him impressed. his whole job is being in the know. most of that info is directed towards Remy’s profitability but ya know, never hurts to have a few aces up your sleeves. and he has. so many.

night started off simple enough, a game of cards with his puppy playing across from him; you’ve gotten good after all these times, your bluffs have been harder to read, even harder when you wear the collar he had gotten made for you

its when you stop bluffing and throwing back your sharp wit that he both loves and despises when he looks up. in fact, you’ve stopped doing everything. you’re completely still. not a response he’s seen from you. and it worries him.

“you ok, pup?”

you give a little shake of your head, and then drop your cards to the table. your hands shoot to your abdomen, breath heavy, placing your forehead on the cool wood table. Wren is at your side in an instant, hands wandering over you, looking for wounds. it’s too much, the pain, the sensation of warmth moving across your body, and you push them away weakly.

when he doesn’t find any, his mind immediately goes to the worst. he pulls his gun on his men, wondering which one decided to poison the wrong person.

he’s not supposed to care about you this much. you’re just a body in his bed. he needs his gang, he knows this. he needs them to trust him, needs them to be ready to lay down their lives for him. but he does cares about you. too much about you. you, his puppy. the one he’s trained so perfectly, invested so much time in. and he wont let this transgression go.

“no… wren,” you call, trying your hardest to uncurl yourself and grab at his arm. he pulls his gun up and away from you, easily moving it out of your reach. but you manage to will yourself out of the chair. when it happens.

you hear a snap, and your body reacts, looking up to Wren, his perfectly trained puppy, thinking he had snapped his fingers for your attention, but one hand is holding the gun and the other is at his side, so you’re confused — when your feel your thighs dampen. you’ve already lost your bottoms in the first round, so you can feel all the wetness that runs down your leg and suddenly, you put it together.

he does too, seeing the puddle on the floor. his gun is instantly away, holding you as your struggle to stay on your feet while the contractions get worse.

“puppy… you been keepin’ secrets?” you nod, pitifully. the look on your face is almost literally the definition of a kicked wet dog, and Wren is amused at how well you play your part.

it’s the next words out of your mouth that makes him stop. you can’t manage many words through the contractions, but you manage to get out, “yours…”

“Everyone get the fuck out,” He spits, still unmoving, eyes trained on you. His men, who have been watching the entire time, almost in shock at how quickly so much has happened, are out the door in less then 3 seconds. They all know that voice. They’re all convinced they won’t be seeing you anymore, and honestly, so are you. and you shut your eyes tight, wondering if he’d at least take the baby to somewhere better then Bailey’s orphanage after you’ve been taken care of.

but instead, there’s a firm, gentle hand on your back, and you open your eyes to met wren’s. he’s so close to you, inches away. you can feel his breath on your face as he assesses the situation. “i’ll take care of you, darlin’. don’t worry.”

no time for prep. no time for anything. much to his displeasure, he has to get you to the hospital. he picks you up easily, trying to be as gentle as he can, barging out of the cottage and telling his men to start the car.

he spends the entire hospital visit watching harper with eyes like a wren hawk. has a HUGE, completely out of character outburst when harper has to actually touch you to help you give birth. takes the baby away from him as soon as possible.

visiting hours do not apply to him. if they kick him out, he’s just going to break back in so…

if you didn’t hide it from him

a pregnant partner is almost like a status symbol to him. when you tell him, he’s over the moon. doesn’t show it, simply nods and says, “ok.”

but your whole existence to him changes. you aren’t just a fun bedmate. you’re his show dog, his prized pooch. wants you to wear tight shirts, show off that belly he’s blessed you with. show off his fertility, show off how safe he can keep you in this horrible place.

this sometimes means you come with him on ‘tasks.’

dangerous? yes. but don’t worry. you have your own team of bodyguards, people wren has known the longest and trusts the most, who would die for him, to protect you. they’d take a bullet for you. it’s an intimidation tactic. even bailey would raise an eyebrow at wren’s shameless flaunt of power. but wren isn’t bothering him or his business so he doesn’t care too much.

in fact, bailey might use it as leverage. but that’s another story.

in private, he gets touchy. super touchy. lots of pregnancy sex. he always has an arm around you or hand on you. you go where he does.

when your water breaks, he’s right there. holding you, breathing with you through contractions. would prefer a home birth, honestly, with a member of his, recently hired, who has midwife experience. he doesn’t really like the hospital. or harper. especially harper.

he’s probably been preparing for this day and will refuse any jobs from Remy for the two weeks leading up to your due date. much to his displeasure. has made his team practice drills for this, so they jump into action when it happens.

he’s the one holding your hand, if you want a water birth, he’ll get in with you, reminding you how strong you are to have carried his babes for so long, he doesn’t care about the blood or anything else. as long as the baby and you are healthy. he’s seen and be through a lot of shit, birth doesn’t scare him off.

Landry

if you hid it from him

like wren, it is VERY hard to hide anything from this man, because you not only have to hide it from him, you have to hide it from the whole town. one drunk idiot with a loose tongue will have Landry at Bailey’s doorstep, demanding to speak to you about those rumors.

so if you actually managed it, congratulations! You might have a shot at working at Landry’s bar!

of course, he’ll very upset if he knows you’ve accepted drinks while pregnant. please don’t do that to this man. yes, he’s a shady asshole but he’s less of an asshole then anyone else in this town.

but when your water breaks? at his bar? he shuts down. Landry is not a doer. see, he takes pride in being able to avoid any doing and being able to sit comfortably on his wealth like a dragon. he will be practically on the verge of passing out. his hands will be shaking. but he’ll eventually get you in his car and to the hospital.

he adores you l, but, uh. this isn’t his forte. he’s ready to bolt when you’re in (semi) safe hands.

he doesn’t even put two and two together until you’re grabbing his hand, asking him, strained as you lay in the hospital bed, if he wants to stay and see his baby.

ok. Landry has officially shut down now. what.

oh. oh. it’s been a while, but he has a pretty good memory. you mean that one time when you sucked him off behind the bar all night and when he finally closed up and did you on the counter and he — oh.

or maybe it was that other time, when you surprised him in his bed, he was so turned on by the way you were able to get in without tipping him off that he — mhm. could’ve been that time.

it takes him a while to boot back up, but when he does, he’s still not fully out of shock. he just nods dumbly and follows your bed to the delivery room. he does hold your hand the whole time and cuts the cord though so ❤️. big love to Landry to being the only decent father besides Robin.

oh my god. he doesn’t think anything could be as cute as holding the new little infant in his arms. it’s adorable. and he’s honestly in love with how utterly perfect it is. its cute little nose.

he is 100% knocking you up again. give this bachelor a taste of domestic life and he’s going to keep you there.

if you didn’t hide it from him

honestly, not much changes besides Landry is a little bit more prepared for the birth.

he blacks out for about 5 minutes when you tell him. you’re sitting in front of him, at a table in his bar, long before it opens, waving your hand in front of his face worriedly when he comes to. “we’re… having a baby. a baby.” probably repeats this for another 5 minutes. it is honestly so concerning to you, but considering what this town is like, you don’t expect him to stick around. but eventually, when you’re turning to leave, he grabs your wrist, a determined look coming over his face, and he promises you that he will be the best dad he can be.

orphanage? haha sorry Bailey. PC is getting kidnapped moved to Landry’s room above the bar. he probably sells him a share of his bar in return. worth it though. he will absolutely not take no for an answer. you’re in his sight morning and night. he will drive you to school and pick you up. he makes sure you take your vitamins and eat good meals.

honestly, probably the best option to get knocked up by, despite him being a helicopter mom. man’s been a bachelor for so long that settling down actually seems… nice.

as long as you’re able to turn a blind eye to his actual source of income and ready to be under scrutiny of cops and always surrounded by shady people. 🤷‍♀️ if you don’t feel safe, he’ll do his best to make sure you do. security systems, an actual house, whatever you need.

remember that hoard I was talking about earlier? oh yeah, this dude’s got a bit of cash he can burn. skullduggery is the easiest source of high income in the game, he’s where all the money is flowing to.

he never mentions your pregnancy to anyone and probably won’t. it’s too risky in his line of work. keeps you separated from his work. and if you were selling him stolen goods before? well, that’s gotta stop. will refuse anything you bring him and demand you quit putting yourself in unnecessary danger. will lock you in his room if you don’t.

packs your hospital bags months before your due date. he’s so nervous. he uncharacteristically messes up orders and drops glasses when he’s working and the thought pops into his head. blames it on nicotine.

speaking of. chain smokes. not in the house or near you, but he does to calm himself down over the whole ordeal. needs it to stay sane. when he gets too worked up, you tell him to go have one to chill out.

wren and mickey absolutely find out and make fun of him.

when your water breaks, it’s during bar hours, of course. he won’t let you downstairs when it’s working hours so you have to call him to tell him. tells everyone to get the fuck out and considering how worked up he is, they do without any complaint.

carries you, literally bridal style, to his car.

again, an absolute wreck at the hospital. paces. won’t leave you to smoke though, you half wish he did, however, because he’s somewhat of a pain. jumping at every sound of pain you make, demanding Harper around, you can tell even Harper is annoyed.

but when it’s all done and over with, you have to almost pry the baby from his arms. tries to bottle feed it, but doesn’t get how to do it right. at least he’s trying.

hope you’re ready to be pregnant 24/7. he’s addicted :).

loves watching you breastfeed, if it's possible for you to do so.

[ihavenoideamanokay]

okay I've given up I'm gonna rant about the blue beetle movie because OH MY GOD

I wanna watch it again but I don't wanna go back to the theater I just wanna buy it already so I can watch it over and over and over

IT WAS SO GOOD

spoilers ofc so be prepared (also this is gonna be really long)

my one complaint. is khaji having a feminine robot voice. because I'm used to young justice where they were just a slightly more murderous sounding jaime which I think is perfect. idk it just feels too much like a marvel movie with the female robot suit. IT WAS BETTER THAN A MARVEL MOVIE THOUGH HAHAHAHA-

(for the record I usually say they/them for khaji bc they are a bug robot thing I don't think they understand or care about human gender but I'm stuck between that and that one venom post where they say venom uses he/him sometimes to match eddie's gender BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE KHAJI WOULD DO THAT 💀💀)

anyway I loved the movie soooooooo much and I love boostle being gay (and wasn't prepared for ted having a wife) so I was worried that ted had a daughter but she was AWESOME I LOVE HER SO MUCH

I especially love how nice she was???? her only surviving family member is a complete jerk and it never rubbed off on her, no matter how done with it she was and all that

I have a family member who, like vIcKy, is just mean to everyone for no reason (okay victoria kinda had a reason I'll get to all that later) and if I'm around her for too long I start wanting to match her energy. like yell back. I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON? LOOK WHO'S TALKING! that kinda stuff. but JENNY DOESN'T DO THAT I mean she still stands her ground and all that BUT she never sinks to victoria's level and that's amazing.

anyway on victoria's reasoning yeah I get it, it totally sucks that you helped create the company and it never got passed down to you, and I'm not trying to invalidate that in any way, I'm just saying, think about it from a different perspective. she could've been a psycho from the beginning. creating weapons will probably make you feel horrible and depressed because you're killing people! I just think we don't know if she cracked because of that and that's when she started seeing people as expendable, or if she was born like that, or if she became like that because of the sexism! I was just thinking about it and I feel like there's a possibility that their grandpa thought she was being a little too aggressive or something and that's why he gave the company to ted. of course, I'm not saying that's what happened, just that that's an interesting thought I had.

NEXT this is dumb but I'm too bi for that movie I saw the main couple and went IVHVAJBKSBEJV THEY'RE BOTH SO PRETTY WHAT 😭😭😭 (well it was more like I went yeah the guy who plays jaime (I'm sorry idk any actors) is pretty and then jenny came on and I just. oh no. then they flirted and I was like NO WHAT-

okay I love the family relationships in this movie because they're all so different. I mean you have jenny and her mom who she didn't really know (because she died), then her dad being distant, then her and her aunt constantly hating each other but being too scared to do anything about it. of course they didn't wanna kill each other because ✨lawsuits✨ but they wanted to get rid of each other because victoria was doing horrible things and jenny was getting in her way. then you have jaime's family which is a disaster in the best way possible. I love how we didn't see them that much but could still tell exactly what was going on there. you get that they're all super close (you even get that there's no privacy💀) and they're all like best friends. I feel like his mom should've gotten a bit more characterization, but whatever. I mean her husband died?? and we barely see her???? idk. I just like how drastically different it is from the kords like I think it's cool.

I realized after the movie that. his grandma never saw him transform the first time. and she probably saw the hole in the roof and, knowing her, did not care. then when he comes back they saw khaji attached to him and she was probably filled in, but. we never saw her reaction. I think it was a good decision not to show it, because she'd probably react in some way that mentioned her fighting people in the past and all that.

okay this is another cursed thought but what happened to jenny's motorcycle at the end? she drove it over but then jaime flew her away. did she leave it there and just make him pick her up later to get it? did he go back and fly it to her?? motorcycles are heavy man I don't think that would be fun. did he drive it to her???? did he just leave it there??????? did he fly her everywhere after that??????????? people will guess your secret identity man. also did milagro steal it because that is totally a milagro thing to do-

OH YEAH let's talk about how they all hated jenny when jaime transformed because as funny as that was. guys. she literally told him not to open it. (honestly I feel like it's an insult to khaji's intelligence that they thought they couldn't get out of a fast food box but that's just me.) and I totally get that they hated her because she was a kord and victoria was being horrible but like THEY JUSTIFIED IT AS "YOU DID THIS TO HIM" AND I FEEL LIKE OUT OF EVERY COMPLAINT THEY HAVE WITH HER THAT'S THE WORST ONE TO USE. SHE KINDA GOT JAIME AND MILAGRO FIRED AS WELL although that's also because milagro was breaking rules and jaime's just too good of a person to not yell at victoria. WAIT WHAT ABOUT THE FACT THAT SHE SAID "PROTECT IT WITH YOUR LIFE" KNOWING FULL WELL HE COULD ACTUALLY DIE THAT'S A GOOD COMPLAINT but like we can excuse that bc we love her here

okay so yes the scene where he talked to his dead dad was fine and all like I like it but. PLEASE. THE CGI WAS SO BAD IN THAT ONE PART. like the rest of the movie was fine BUT SERIOUSLY COME ON GUYS but in other news I love that scene because anything that has khaji just. vibing. is the best. and then having jaime accept them and stuff.

I just realized this movie could totally be a queer metaphor because of the whole acceptance theme?? I mean it's not like THE QUEER METAPHOR MOVIE EVER it's more like hey self acceptance. I mean you have to come out to yourself before you come out to others so idk that's just random

anything that has khaji da and jaime being best friends is automatically amazing. so my favorite arc in young justice is the reach arc (because I'm a sucker for possession and it was just totally well done) and my absolute favorite part of the arc + favorite blue beetle moment + possibly favorite part of the whole show??? is when khaji says the "then you haven't learned anything from our time together" line (that jaime says like an episode or so before I think) and every time I rewatch that I'm just like 😭😭😭😭😭 because they're besties your honor (or in love idk that ship isn't my first choice but I don't have a problem with it) and it's so so so good

I was so worried the movie was gonna be bad because I've only seen one recent dc movie (okay it was half of one) and I'm going to be honest I was not engaged at all I was kinda bored (I don't wanna say what movie it was because it's a very very hot take) and I was like oh no what if this movie does it too. nope. I also was really really hoping that they'd actually be like yeah the scarab's name is khaji da AND THEY DID I WAS SO HAPPY

oh my god I was looking at the cast and they listed victoria's assistant scientist guy as dr. sanchez. NOW I'M NOT THE SMARTEST BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S NOT HIS NAME- WASN'T THAT A WHOLE PLOT POINT 😭😭😭

that's all I have to say for now, there will probably be more later

[tomwaterbabies]

I hope the surgery went well and recovery goes smoothly!!! You asked for asks and I saw you have some robo Varian art that's been eating my brain for a few days now. I guess not technically a question but I'd love to hear more about that au if you wanna ramble 👉👈

HEYYY thank you so much! it went really well and the pain is super minimal rn, i can even sit up on my desk! which was recommended by my surgeon to do anyway so thats rad

ANYWAYSSSSS... THANK YOU for the kind words im so glad you like it!! and THANK YOU for reminding me of the fact i never posted about my robot au like i had meant to 💀

here it is NOW (and to anyone who hasnt seen the art here it be)

this is long as hell btw. so sorry

SO. setting i imagine is similar to typical vat7k BUT a little darker and more dystopian. think steampunk industrial stuff... which i know hugo's kingdom is already like lol but just imagine it like. in a lot more places. this is basically a "steampunk" au too

robots are VERY common. invented by a group of scientists with the main ones being donella and ulla

robots are used as service etc etc. theyre not sentient at all so this isnt like. some unethical practice

but ulla and donella are OBSESSED with making them more and more advanced, theyre besties and all that. but ulla is Particularly obsessed with making the Perfect Robot

we know that ulla is kind of messed up in the head. in this au she kind of messes way too much with robot sentience WHILE ALSO getting obsessed with the eternal library. same stuff happens eventually. donella and ulla fight about the eternal library etc etc

BUT ALSO... ulla is working on her Magnum Opus. a son for her and her husband, who she is making to be the perfect robot. quirin is unaware of the shit shes doing and fully trusts her and supports this passion project

and well! she does make the first Sentient Robot. with the use of science and Magical Knowledge she was able to basically give life force through magical means into the robot. The robot of course she named varian. and not only is he sentient, but he looks completely human

she did some messed up stuff tho! again! she's programmed him with fake memories so he thinks he has lived a life fully as a human. he's also programmed to not notice things like the small seams on his body and all that. like his code just immediately disregards all that

anywaysss. after ulla disappears, quirin is dedicated to taking care of varian. he figures it's best to follow with ulla's choice of making sure varian doesnt know hes a robot

MEANWHILE ! because of the schism between ulla and donella, there was some wack shit that happened. namely robots going completely crazy. now all robots are Murder Robots. so the world is pretty Dystopian at the moment

Varian decides he wants to go out and find the source of what made the robots go crazy. bc this sucks lol. like everyone is Just Miserable

so he meets his friends. nuru, yong, hugo!

LETS TALK ABOUT HUGO

hugo works for donella. hugo also absolutely HATES robots. the robots have been messing shit up since he was a kiddo

he's kind of like a robot hunter. harvesting them for parts as well as getting rid of them bc theyre dangerous. usually donella directs him to different missions. and now shes telling him to join this guy (varian) bc she wants the secrets that ulla had hidden and varian is sure as hell after them

sooooo at one point. varian gets hurt maybe, or interacts with something that breaks the code in him or whatever. the code that stops him from noticing his robotic qualities. i think he probably would get super injured and like. he and all his friends stare in shock and horror as some sort of gash or sparks or whatever show a metallic inside

they all find out he's a robot together weeeee. no one is having a good time

so he's living with existential crisis. he's away from his dad so he cant travel all the way back to be like hey What The Fuck. AND he's still dedicated to his goal. but now he's just. confused, scared, and unsure if he's worthy of his humanity that he thought he had

they all try to work with this new discovery (which i think would happen earlier on rather than way later). hugo especially is like. having a crisis. bc he's always hated robots and for good reason. but varian... varian is SO human. he thinks, he feels, he cares, etc. he's more Human than a lot of the Flesh and Blood people he's been around

so you know, hugo starts to fall in love with him anyway. lots of excellent scenes of him helping varian with his mechanics, etc

and of course varian starts falling in love with him too, but is dealing with a lot of confusion as well. like is he even real, doesnt hugo deserve to be loved by a Human and not a Robot, etc etc

ok jesus christ. i think thats all the main stuff. woaghghg

[dreamii-krybaby]

I hate the fact that I have to make a post regarding the situation that is happening on MDTumblr rn. But it has gotten the point its been affecting people that have nothing to do with it, even me a little, which I did not expect.

I have no intention of involving myself or in picking sides, but I feel like by already making this post am already putting my feet in the water. But anyways, am going to get straight to the point

If you have no personal relationships with the people who are involved, don’t involve yourself, don’t pay attention to it, that’s it, ignore it. Don’t discuss it, don’t opinion on it, nada, cero. And if you do want to discuss it, do it privately with people of trust.

And if you are confused on what’s going on? Thats fine, in fact, don’t even pay attention to it, don’t ask, keep doing your own thing. It’s not worth your time and energy.

As of rn I feel like there is still a lot of lack of information regarding context and details. And I feel the best way to approach this is to be neutral. As if worse case scenario, if either side of the conflict turns out to be wrong, you save yourself from embarrassment.

Its sucks that I need to talk about this bc am seeing a lot of people that don’t have to do with anything get involved or become affected by it. Even myself.

What am about to do this hypocritical of my part, since I advised to not make an opinion, but I have to say this:

Am disappointed at how some of the people that are heavily involved isn’t really handling the situation well. As in handling things in a more in civil way you could say.

Yes am aware some of them are minors but that doesn’t mean some of them can’t do better.

And am also disappointed that some who aren’t minors are also not handling the situation that well.

I’ve seen both parties insult at eachother, Like if that’s going to make anything better.

So please, if you are an outsider and are feeling affected by this whole thing or are confused, ignore it completely. This is THEIR problem not YOUR’S or MINE’S.

One or two conflicts shouldn’t go out if their way to involve unrelated people and suck the joy out of the entire community. Yes, I know one of them involves serious accusations, but as I said before, they could have handled the situation better and there is a lot of unclear information.

My point still stands, am not taking sides, do not come here and try to persuade me. Bc I won’t.

If after seeing this you disagree with me and no longer want to interact with me, that’s fine. I do not care.

Also if any of you need a break, that’s ok.

And am saying all of this because I learned it from personal experiences in other platforms. And bc am seeing how its affecting way more people than it should.

I will still be posting contend btw.

Anyways made some memes to cheer up a little.

[lonelyroommp3]

the only thing i’ll say on the YA/kidlit discourse is that i do think there Are demographics of people that are basically only catered to (commonly) in YA. like i’m a trans girl and i actually don’t like YA basically at all, but it legitimately is hard to find other books like detransition baby or manhunt (already two completely different genres) that feature openly transfeminine characters in interesting stories. like i said i pretty much avoid YA like the plague unless i’ve had a specific recommendation so this really isn’t me being like “ummm but the only good books for queer people are teenybopper books” but i am legitimately sympathetic to other trans girls struggling to break into a market of books that barely ever acknowledge us beyond being a weird sex thing or a joke. the market is dire rn. btw do you have any recs

also just additionally for context: to clarify i am not talking about “representation” which is something i care very little about, but i do think it’s yknow nice to read books that factor transness & transition (totally unavoidable parts of my life) into their worlds and stories, or at least stories written by people who Dont Hate Me etc

i honestly can't say i have any recs because with the exception of a few frenzied months here and there i have, generally speaking, been in a reading slump since about the age of eighteen so i just have not read enough as of late to even begin to build up any sort of rec list. but what i will say is pretty similar to the post i already made which is - in most cases things are out there if you take the time to look. that is not meant to diminish the comparative lack of books by & about & for trans girls and women or express a lack of sympathy for your plight, and it sucks that whatever options i give you will not give anywhere near the same volume of results as they would if i was telling you how to search for books about straight cis women falling in love with hockey players or whatever (fr, i think everybody deserves to have a shitty hockey romance that represents them. this is what progress is really about), and you will probably have to search for longer to find something you really like or connect with, which objectively is a crap situation and gives you added work you didn't ask for.

with that said: one good place to start is lgbt specific bookshops - i'm uk and specifically london based so of course my frame of reference is going to be gay's the word, which i believe delivers at least within the uk and also has the option to filter search results specifically by identity (it's not perfect - there looks to be just one "trans" result so you'll have to actually manually dig to find books specifically focused on trans women). but you're always going to find books there that don't make it into the lgbt+ fiction sections at other bookshops bc, yknow, specifically queer bookshops have the space to specialise and go into much more depth. there's also the chance that if you contact these shops directly (i know gay's the word has a contact/enquiry form that you could probably use even if you're not uk based) the people working there will be happy to give you more specific recommendations

additionally, it is easy to shit on booktok, but i do think once you filter your way past the hundreds of identical accounts all reccing the same 3 romance novels it's honestly really democratised the book rec game, both in terms of reader recommendations and, as i said in my post (albeit in a snarky way that does not really do justice to the range of material of all levels of quality being plugged on social media nowadays), indie authors being able to plug their own material. i literally cannot even download tiktok on my phone bc it does some insane cocomelon shit to the adhd part of my brain, but i'm sure by searching general hashtags related to trans lit, transfem authors, etc you should be able to find accounts or at least one off videos dedicated to those specific recs (and that goes for, honestly, any category of identity be it gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, disability, etc etc etc). plus, yknow, it's all about The Algorithm, so engaging with content made by transfem authors or writers otherwise including trans women positively in their stories (or content about those works) is just going to boost those stories to more potential readers and show authors, publishers, bookshops etc that there is a keen market for good stories about trans women

basically all that was a very roundabout way of saying like. 100% it's shit and annoying that as soon as you're looking for books about any marginalised groups you end up having to do increasingly elaborate google-fu just to find something halfway decent to read, while some other people can just walk into a chain bookshop and immediately find 50 books For And About Them on the very first table. but at the same time "having to do slightly more work to find these books because they're not in the immediate mainstream" is not the same as those books not existing, especially when we are in the goodreads booktok international delivery at the click of a mouse era, and so i tend to be wary of subscribing to any train of thought that mistakes the former for the latter

[topazpearl]

in celebration of sbg returning in a little over 2 weeks (!!!!!) have my HUGE master doc of all my possible theories, ideas, wants/needs, etc.

(spoilers abound of course)

Edit: For an updated, post-S2 release version, [here]

[Hamilton chorus voice] NUMBER ONE: The giant freakin phantompede and how to escape it

-Logan shoots it in the eyes, probably won't kill it tho, just make it mad and blind, which doesn't help

-they pull a Tremors and use the jeep as bait to make it jump off the cliff to its death, and they all jump out at the last second. a big gamble, assuming its stupid enough to do this. (tho making it blind first as mentioned could work) Sucks that they lose the jeep but they can get another car

-Or (this goes into my Phantom Ashlyn theory which I'll talk later) ashlyn can talk to it and tells it to go away and it….does! idk lol it's stupid but maybe ash has enough girl boss energy to convince it. or it's so shocked by a human talking to it it's like "dang ok" 

-last idea: they're near the school so they lure it there and into the sports area, assuming they have a baseball field, and kill it with all the big lights there (the poetic justice of it all... get 'em tyler)

NUMBER TWO: Schrödinger's Tyler

-I'm hoping that once phantompede is taken care of they'll go back to find him. Taylor will force them probably. Cue angst. 

-my top theory rn is that if you die in the phantom dimension (PD) you enter a coma in the real dimension (RD) b/c I think it'd be very lame and low stakes for a horror thriller for ty to just wake up fine but in pain. 

–unless there's some really NASTY RD consequences like, he starts getting narcolepsy, starts hearing Phantom noises too, constantly sick, slowly wasting away with each day, maybe relives his death every night like some horrid nightmare??? etc 

-then of course there's the popular idea that if u die in the PD your body becomes a phantom. who knows how long that takes. could be fun and angsty if it happens rlly fast like while the kids are there and see his body turn into a phantom and they freak the frick out. yeah 

and if the phantoms have no retained memories, Tay is just calling to him but it's for naught 

-anyway if ty's in a coma that'll be fun to explain to the parents 

-If a phantom is killed, their connected person in the RD who was in a coma dies fr

NUMBER THREE: Ashlyn and the Phantoms (cool new band name) 

-we know the kids are getting influenced by the PD, making phantom noises (further supports phantoms were people theory) but with Ashlyn's "really strong" connection to the PD, she's in special danger. If one can turn into a phantom without dying, it's gonna be her. Ryan the spy said that "the girl" – assumingly ashlyn– should be "especially" at risk of danger. This could be bc she was the one who interacted with the rift, or bc she already has a higher level of phantom influence on her. 

-when ashlyn told the phantom to let go, and her friends to calm down, both times she spoke with a black speech bubble WITH PHANTOM NOISE LINES NEAR IT.

this is different than characters who have also spoken with black bubbles. obviously these have been with threats/malice, but the boys' didn't have the red lines.

These times ashlyn has spoken, the phantom acknowledged her voice, and her friends' spell-like violence trance was broken. Therefore, Theory: ashlyn not only can hear phantoms, but she can speak their language sort of

-depending how the Tyler situation goes down, I think Ashlyn will have lots of guilt and anger towards herself, and if she can't reign it in, I could see her going into a violence trance like her friends did. maybe even worse (a semi phantom transformation??) Cue a fun angsty 'talking her down' moment with the others at best, or full on fighting Phantom!ashlyn at worst

-when ashlyn was born, a phantom like touched her in a blessing/cursing sense which is part of the reason why she can hear phantoms and her strong PD connection 

possibly even possession???? seems a bit farther fetched tho 

-tldr; i want ashlyn to enter her monster girl era 

-The evil gang seems confused why the kids have lasted so long. maybe Ashlyn's PD connection goes both ways. she provides a strong anchor to the RD. Maybe the PD is USUALLY all desolate with the pillars that we saw in the finale (maybe it's even an afterlife of sorts?), but Ashlyn makes a huge radius (~30 miles! (assuming kids were driving at least 60mph for 30 minutes)) of the PD around where she wakes up mirror the real world, creating a safer space for her and the kids. meanwhile a normal person that gets sucked into the PD gets thrown into a desolate hell world different from the RD (also maybe stuck there permanently), causing them to die much quicker. 

-Ashlyn's influence extends to jamming the recording devices like some kind of weird phantom static.

-Broke: Ashlyn's parents wanted her to learn self defense and have a knife bc they're in the military. Woke: they want her to be able to protect herself after the phantom scare when she was a baby

NUMBER FOUR: Origami gang and Co INC. 

-My Current idea on what the evil gang is doing: The gangs symbol is an origami crane (orizuru). the crane in East Asia has longevity as one of its symbolisms, with some myths saying it flies souls up to paradise. there's the popular myth that if you fold 1000 cranes you get a wish.

Heres where the evil twist comes in. The gang boss believes that if he traps 1000 people in the PD as like, a sacrifice, then he'll get a wish and he'll ask for eternal life or whatever. this gang is a cult and he's tricked everyone saying that they'll also get a long life but really it's probably only gonna be him 🤫 So they go around to different haunted places in America and pick ppl they sense can open these shadow rifts and get sucked in. the phantoms may be ppl they trapped in the past and they've turned into phantoms

-Ryan, the guy who's spying on the kids, maybe is ALSO "Mr. thomas"? he just puts on a wig and is a good actor lol. this is the reason why he asks about "Mr. Thomas's" fate. What goes against this is that Ryan seems to know all about the PD mechanisms, which doesn't fit Mr. Thomas being confused abt ashlyns hair. Unless he wasn't expecting it

– or "Mr thomas" could just be Ryan's friend or brother or smn. A low ranked guy in the gang that got stuck with roping Ashlyn into Savannah, but doesn't know the truth/details about the PD. 

-the gang mentions that "both sides" are trying to track them. either the government and a supernatural hunting group, or even some force in the PD like some Alpha Phantom like the devil who's like "Where's my dead people quota hello?" or better yet "you're messing with MY domain and I'm gonna Get You". 

-This is based solely on the Boss' appearance and smiling countenance: what if the gang Boss is Aiden's uncle, his dad's brother. his weird, estranged brother who's also evil probably. I'm really hung on this idea don't mind me. Maybe it's b/c we don't know his name yet, b/c he's secretly related and it'll be a big reveal

-you have to be able to make a paper origami crane from memory to be an official gang member /hj 

(S2 spoilers) NUMBER FIVE: Aiden's dyed hair and why it's A Big Deal

none of these have any solid evidence I'm just wildin 

-He hates his natural hair color/thinks it's ugly

-doing it to hide his real identity (IF the Clark family being involved with the Origami gang is real it would probably fall under this, BUT I have strong reason to believe Aiden is not involved with the gang tho. (See my ~EXCEL SHEET~ for my reasoning)

–falls under my random "gang boss is aidens uncle" theory. his uncle is the weird black sheep of the family, that Aiden has a spitting resemblance to, so he dyes his hair to make him look less like him

further developing my silly Boss Uncle idea but I'm imagining that Daniel (Adiens dad) married into the family bc he looks sm different than his wife or Ben's parents. But when he married Jessica (Aidens mom) at the start they used his surname, had Aiden, etc. Then Daniel's weird (evil) brother starts committing Crimes tm, possibly even convicted, jail time, all over the news (maybe he got out early cuz of parole, good behavior idk). Aidens family suffers for it by proxy; Aiden is bullied, his parents are stigmatized at work. it actually gets so bad that they decide to switch to Jessica's maiden name Clark. Currently wondering if Ben's dad, William, and Jessica are the siblings here. anyway they do that and with their constant moving and traveling, it's easy to embrace the new identity. But Aiden was still pretty affected by it being a kid and all so that's why he dyes his hair, and plays it off as doing it for funsies

-based on claims (if someone has proof of this beyond his skin tone HMU) I've seen that he's part Asian, so maybe has suffered really nasty racism in the past but when he's blond he's white passing, so he does it so he's not bullied anymore

-blondes have more fun to help with this "constantly happy" persona he has

– semi related, he's heavily masking depression and loneliness, and the bright yellow hair makes him happier.

-he dyes his hair for attention bc he didn't get enough of it as a child with his parents traveling and working 

Actually-!

NUMBER FIVE ½: Aiden's backstory

after seeing the Easter egg, wondering if his mom divorced or died idk cause the lady in the picture doesn't look like his mom, her hair is darker?? now ofc she could just be dying her hair too idk!!!

Absolutely Wildin' here but maybe aidens parents died when he was a kid so he was adopted but surprise! his dad is still alive and is a criminal and running a shadow cult. or maybe the boss is still his uncle. or maybe the boss is his parent(s) killer!!! 

Or Maybe The Boss is aidens dad. Aidens biological mom died and the Boss went crazy and probably committed crimes and went to jail, and then Daniel (aidens uncle, Boss' brother) and Jessica took custody of him. and then the Boss escaped jail and started his cult, maybe to bring back his wife

kinda off topic but I'm wondering if Aiden's red eyes are fake too. colored contacts. like neither of his parents have it, no one does. does he just have Protagonist syndrome or is it related to one of the ideas above?

I'm just throwing darts. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

NUMBER SIX: Character arcs and futures

-either no other of the kids will "die", just Aiden and Ashlyn will "survive", or everyone except Ashlyn will "die"

-but i hope if they can sever their connection with the PD, anyone who dies in the PD and gets in a coma will wake up

-So they're gonna get kidnapped. that's definitely gonna be a thing. either mid S2 or S2 ending. up in the air whether the kidnapping is successful or not. 

actually I'm placing my bets now S2 finale will be them getting kidnapped and it just cuts off there for another awful cliffhanger.

since it seems Mr thomas will be involved, maybe he'll ask the kids to stay after school to talk abt their failing grades or smn, and then maybe they're hit with knockout gas??

OR the gang has been spying on them so they pick a time when the kids are all separated and jump them. 

maybe this is when aiden knowing where ashlyns dance studio is is actually plot relevant!!??(please) like he (and Ben probably cuz they're always together) are able to escape their attackers and Aiden goes to help ashlyn cuz he wants to make sure she's OK. and she's either fine cuz she's a girl boss and can kick butt, or he saves her oo la la 

–lol imagine kidnapping is successful, gang tells kids why they were kidnapped, if Evil Boss Uncle theory is true this helps facilitate this but Ashlyn "goes off" on Aiden yelling and "attacking" him and stuff saying he's part of the gang etc but it's all a ruse to have the gang think she'll cause another energy spike and Aiden gets this and plays along, so assuming the kids are locked up, the gang opens their cell to stop ashlyn, and that's when they escape

–also assuming the gang would be smart enough to get rid of the kids phones when they're snagged. 

-also SPOILER ALERT if you haven't seen Reds ig stories but since they just had midterms it's probably October (bc the story started at the beginning of the school year (August) and there was a month skip (September) where they were learning self defense) Which Means that it could be Aidens bday which is why ashlyn is at his house and they're having a pizza party or whatever yippee! (i want this) And maybe Mr and Mrs Clark talk about seeing phantoms (the panel of them looking stressed the heck out lol) bc I'm assuming all the guardians have been seeing them I'm assuming!!!! And maybe Ashlyn overhears, and the kids Finally can tell the parents what's going on but I doubt it. b/c that'd be too easy y'know?

-regardless, the either failed or successful kidnapping will probably set the parents over the edge, Especially if Ty is in a medically unexplainable coma, and Mike Banner will be like "tell me what's going on Right Now" and the parents believe them and they help the kids get to Savannah yippee!! a cool Big family squad force they all hop on a working school bus or smn and drive there. (I wish i knew how many seasons there's gonna be so I could predict pacing but since it's a thriller I'm assuming pretty fast, so maybe 3 seasons? cuz while we got a fast plot we seemingly have a slow ashlyn & aiden relationship so 🤷‍♀️)

Sorry back to character arcs:

Ashlyn: Learn to trust and connect with people, make friends, lean on others. Could be nice if she accepts and admits the kids are her friends by the end of S2, leaving the next season for Aiden/Ashlyn dev specifically. More development about her connection with the PD, which could put friendship to the test. 

Taylor: will either shut down with grief like her mom, or maybe snap and have an Edgy arc (seems… unlikely to me tho she seems too emotionally intelligent for that). NEVERMIND with all the stuff im seeing, it seems likely!!!) Willing to bet money the twins are unhealthily codependent on each other. Maybe she'll start latching onto Ben instead (whether anything romantic develops on top of it is debatable, but I can see it. theyve already got a cute little closeness going on). Would not be surprised if, after losing her dad (which im predicting was a suicide) and Ty, she can't stand the thought of losing someone else, and will save someone in danger at her own expense, leading to her death. Sure I'll predict she'll die 2nd if there are more deaths.

Tyler: he frikkin ded so… (would've been nice to see him become even more caring but yknow)

Logan: Seems to be overcoming his fragility well if the arcade scene is any indication. Still has self-worth issues to overcome due to his parents' abandonment. Maybe we'll learn more about that in S2. That could be a rumor and the real reason he lives with his grandparents is that his parents died but idk why that'd be hidden unless their death was suspicious (phantom related???). He'll die 3rd; survives longer than expected but is the halfway point. 

Ben: Still needs to find a new passion for life, i suspect playing musical instruments like the guitar will be the answer (thank you tyler). Tho maybe learning to love his altered voice could happen? (tons of dudes have a rough/husky singing voice that ppl love) But this is probably unlikely. 

– Taylor and Logan's deaths will hit him really hard, maybe feels like his strength is worthless if he failed to keep the others safe, and starts spiraling real bad. Possible phantom transformation or attempted suicide. 4th to die. 

Aiden: (get medicated) Learning self-control, improving interpersonal relationships, accepting serious/negative emotions, along with God knows what else will be revealed. 

– Kinda wondering if he grew up in a "toxic positivity" mentality home, where his parents are like "we're so privileged we shouldn't complain" 

– IF he does die, he'll be the last one, leaving Ashlyn alone (when it hurts the most!!! muhahhaha!!! 😭), and it won't happen in S2.

NUMBER SEVEN: Miscellaneous predictions, wants, musings & hypotheticals

-hey uh what about the photo Logan took of the phantom back at the sorrel-weed house?? surely he still has it? can he show the parents?? will they be able to see it?

-Logan saw the whole Aidlyn hug from the roof from his snipper position, change my mind.

-Another death will happen in S2, possibly even two deaths.

-Mr thomas switches sides and helps the kids, gives them info

-Ryan (the spy) switches sides and helps the kids

-the tour lady Jasmine and the Boss are a hot evil couple 

also kinda want them to have a Rourke & Helga dynamic where he throws her under the bus at the last moment and she's Bissed 

-I want the boss to die by his own evil plan. i doubt a redemption arc will happen but I'd be down for it if done well.

-*grabs your shoulders until they bleed* listen. Aiden saved ashlyn, now I need her to save him. I need this. 

-Taylor and Ashlyn girl time please!!!

-Logan and Aiden becoming closer would also give me joy. big Freckle and Rocky energy. 

-Consider: Ashlyn says that she thinks Aiden looks better with dark hair, not meaning it as a compliment but as an objective statement, but he decides to grow out his dark hair again (will take a bit). 

-this doesn't have to happen but I think it'd be really funny if Aiden somehow gets the IDEA that Logan has a crush on Ashlyn when Logan doesn't, causing a stupid silly short jealousy arc.

-actually I really need a "can skydive from 10,000 ft but can't confess to the girl he likes" Aiden Clark

which like would make sense bc at this point he knows she thinks he's annoying, pushy, etc., so that's just asking for a rejection 

-I've got a bad feeling smn will happen to Ashlyn's parents, specifically her dad

-you know what's better than Ashlyn having to be a girlboss and face the villains alone? Aiden and Ashlyn going together and Aiden being used as collateral by the villains :) What if he dies permanently irl, while the rest of the kids, if they died in the PD, reawaken, leaving him the only one permanently gone in the end? :) 

-bruh what if everyone died like fr fr. yes I'm imagining Ashlyn looking at all her friends' graves. 

-the Origami gang fails to kidnap the kids b/c all that self-defense paid off, and they accidentally create a huge "energy spike", making phantoms appear everywhere in town.

-if the kids DO get kidnapped successfully, I want Ashlyn to be an awesome girlboss and use her knife shoes to help them escape.

-if my puppy fic became Canon that'd be swaggie actually.

-let Ashlyn have a dog 2023

-pov you're in Georgia in the fall and a hurricane hits, knocking out solar power for a few days. what then? :)

-when all this garbage is over and they hopefully all live in the end, I want them to have a fun stargazing party lead by Logan cause they can finally enjoy the night (And maybe aidlyn have their first Kiss?? 🙈)

-If there ISNT a "group goes to see Ashlyn in a ballet performance" scene then I'm WRITING IT MYSELF 

-the kids are like, juniors right? Prom. 

-Aiden works hard to get his permit and his parents buy him a car but it's a crappy one cause they know he'll wreck it but hey it's Savannah or Bust.

-At the end of all things, Aiden and Ashlyn will become a couple, or at least have reciprocal romantic feelings. This is not just my shipper heart talking. I feel it in my brain, in my soul. (b/c Red rlly seems to ship it so 😏)

-maybe aidens parents work for a religious missionary aid group like Samaritans purse

-a kid going into an angry protective phantom mode to protect another(s) 😳 (aidlyn on the brain but it could be anyone)

-if I had a nickel for every time I've imagined Aiden dying in Ashlyn's arms, I'd have many nickels 

-what if having a good singing voice ran in Ben's family? haha jkjk…unless??? but they don't sing like ever cuz they don't want Ben to feel bad 

-man what if a kid died by a phantom pushing them down a set of stairs.. 

-Rlly hope that Aiden's parents don't get scared seeing phantoms in their house and hearing other families having phantoms in THEIR houses and thinking the whole town is haunted, and they consider moving which they don't wanna do bc Aiden finally has friends but what else can they do!? angst. 

-John 15:13 for Ashlyn with the others except it's not permanent (I'm not saying ash is a Jesus figure tho WHWKEJEJDJ)

-I rlly wanna see ashlyn laugh like REALLY LAUGHING

~~

That's it for the moment (●'◡'●) thanks for coming

will any of these be canon? who knows! it's the fun of it all

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

here is a preview for my next Armand/Daniel one shot (which I will hopefully finish and post sometime tomorrow) under a read more bc it's a bit long

It’s been nearly a month since Daniel and Armand have reconciled.  Regaining his memories awakened those old feelings.  After the interview, Daniel tried to go back to his normal life.  He didn’t last long.  Once he remembered Armand, he wanted him.  It’s like he’s found the missing puzzle piece that completes him.  

Which yeah, that’s not exactly healthy.  But Daniel is old and sick; he figures he’s got ten to fifteen years tops.  Years of drug use have had their toll, and there isn’t exactly a cure for Parkinson’s.  So if he wants to spend his last few years with the love of his life, who cares?  They’ve already damaged each other in all the ways that matter.  And yet, there’s still so much love there.

Daniel loves Armand so much it makes him crazy.

Worse, it makes him insanely horny.  They haven’t fucked yet.  Armand tried getting in his pants the very night they got back together.  Daniel had refused him, saying at his age he couldn’t get it up anymore.  He’s about seventy-five percent sure that Armand knows he’s lying.  Even without peeking in his head; he’s learned to read Daniel’s expressions well enough.

And Daniel has told him not to go digging around in there without his permission.  As far as he knows, Armand hasn’t.  It’s not so bad, not having sex.  Not like he was having much before.  Everyone his age is either married or in long term relationships.  Sure, there’s a few other divorcees, but none he’s really interested in.  So it’s been awhile.  

It’s not like he’s not getting off in other ways.  Armand bites him almost every night, and that feels just as good as sex.  Plus, he knows for a fact that Armand considers it more intimate.  Still, Daniel worries.  With Louis gone off and living the single life–not that that will last long–Armand isn’t getting it anywhere else either.  He doesn’t want it to cause problems between them.

But he can’t do it.  Armand remembers him from his youth, when he was willing to try anything at least once.  Back then he was a lot more flexible, and he didn’t sag in the wrong places.  Armand may think he wants to be with him, but the experience will prove lackluster.  He can’t do the things he used to do anymore.  He’ll just disappoint Armand.

The nightlight clicks on, light catching Armand’s fiery eyes and making them seem to glow.  “What’s wrong, my love?  Usually you’re asleep by now.”

Sleeping during the day isn’t nearly as hard as Daniel expected it to be.  His circadian rhythm has always been off, he doesn’t get sleepy till around 3 in the morning.  Sleeping during the day has actually done wonders for his insomnia.  

Daniel rolls to his side and meets Armand’s gaze.  Armand installed those fancy windows he had in Dubai to Daniel’s house here in Brooklyn.  They never really talked about it; Armand spent the night the first night and then just never left.  Daniel doesn’t really mind; he wants Armand here.  

“Can’t shut off my brain,” Daniel says.

“Perhaps I can help,” Armand says, and reaches a hand to his neck to stroke his thumb over the bite mark he left earlier.  

Heat flares in Daniel’s core and he sucks in a sharp breath.  God, he wants Armand.  Wants those teeth inside him at the same time as his cock.  He wants Armand to fuck him stupid.  Sometimes, when it was really good, or especially intense, he would get all floaty after.  Like he was disconnected from his body and everything was fuzzy and loose.  

Armand’s eyes darken and his hand closes around Daniel’s throat and holds him in place.  Then his mouth is on Daniel’s and Daniel sinks into the kiss.  Armand always kisses him a little before he bites him, and it’s always nice.  There’s a sharper edge to it now then there has been.  Armand’s tongue is fucking his mouth, and his lips are moving against his perfectly.  

Armand shifts, putting Daniel on his back.  He uses his free hand to spread Daniel’s thighs so he can slot between them.  He kisses Daniel until Daniel has to break away to catch his breath.  Then Armand nuzzles into his neck and breathes in his scent.  His hand moves to Daniel’s hair and snatches his head back.  He licks a hot stripe up Daniel’s neck and Daniel moans wantonly. 

Armand kisses his throat and sighs.  “My beautiful boy, let me make love to you.”

Daniel stiffens.  “I can’t, I told you-”

“Daniel,” Armand cuts him off, voice stern.  “Tell me the truth.  Why don’t you want to be with me?”

Daniel can feel his face turn red.  “I don’t want to disappoint you.  I’m not a spring chicken anymore.”

Armand’s brow furrows.  “You mortals have such peculiar expressions.  I suppose that’s referring to your age?”

Daniel looks away, nervously twisting his hands.  Armand catches them and presses a kiss to the back of each.  “You can’t disappoint me, beloved.  I’ve longed for you these years apart.  Let me have you.”

Daniel snorts.  “I’m old and out of shape.  It won’t be like it was before.”

“Do you truly think that matters?”

Daniel feels his chest tighten and he has to blink to keep the tears from welling. “Are you even physically attracted to me anymore? Because eventually the nostalgia will wear off and you’ll-”

“I’ll what, Daniel?”Armand says sharply.  “Do tell me.”

“You’ll get tired of me.  Realize I’m not the same person anymore.  And you’ll leave.”  Daniel didn’t realize how much he feared it, until he said it out loud.  

“I’m not the one who leaves.”

Daniel winces.  He might deserve that a little.  He did run off quite a bit.  But Armand let him leave, let him stay gone.  If he really loved him, why didn’t he just find him and bring him back?

Armand’s gaze softens and he bends down to gently kiss along Daniel’s throat.  Daniel allows it, sinking down into the mattress. It feels nice; arousal coursing through his entire body.  Fuck, he wants Armand.  

Armand nuzzles that spot right beneath his ear that always gets him hot, before sucking on it.  It feels heavenly.  Armand pulls back to pepper kisses over his throat.  “I love you, my beautiful boy.  I’ll never tire of you.  I’ll never stop wanting you.”

He has such conviction in his voice.  Daniel wants to believe it, but he isn’t sure.  “I’m not beautiful, and I’m not a boy anymore.”

“You’re as lovely to me as the day I set eyes on you,” Armand says, then moves his mouth near Daniel’s ear.  “And you’re my boy, always.”

[toxifoxx]

I'm new at asking asks so uh um sorry if I'm typing weird anyways wanna explain your au or something or just talk about random facts about your fnaf au? Been staring at your version of william and Henry and just admiring it and wanna know stuff about the sillies ye.

hello anon, thank you very much for the question! :D

to preface this i'll say i do have a few different AUs that all kind of vaguely exist in my mind but i'll presume you wanna hear about my main AU. i like to describe it as "fnaf lore if it didn't suck", i try to stick to canon by keeping major events mostly the same so if you already know fnaf lore you won't be too confused at my AU. i also like to focus more on the tragedy aspects of the lore, so in my writing there's a lot of focus on characters and their emotions, particularly william because i like to psychoanalyze him. but i also want to give more depth to the characters in general and put some spotlight on the missing kids since like… they are barely treated as important in canon and that's kind of sad

putting the rest under the cut cause this post got pretty long (talks about AU features, and a lot about henry and william)

i actually do have a breakdown of some of the key features of my AU! -less sci-fi, more paranormal like old fnaf -willry canon for shits and giggles (past tense)(they are like a divorced couple) -semi-good dad william (until the horrors) -more complex character dynamics, personalities, etc. -relationships expanded upon -more focus on the tragedy aspect -a mildly comprehensive timeline! -transgenderism (william is trans bc i believe it in my heart to be true) -ends at fnaf 6/pizza sim! (UCN is more of like, an epilogue)

if you're curious about my william and henry, i try to base them mostly off the novels! (though novel lore is irrelevant here, since i follow game canon instead, it's still a good basis for their personalities)

so, william is "the normal one", mostly running the business side of things but still a talented inventor and a great entertainer as well. he's silly, he's goofy, he's charming, and he loves the kids! and he loves his family more than anything, even though he's not the most amazing parent! so naturally no one would suspect him to be a murderer. cause underneath all that he's very selfish, willing to go to any lengths to achieve his goals. when CC died he kind of snapped, killing charlie on impulse (but discovering animatronic posession later after observing fredbear and the puppet behaving strangely) thus starting the whole remnant thing. remnant exists still but its more just like a concept than a physical, tangible thing; it's the part of the soul that cannot move on.

and henry is the artist, the recluse who prefers to remain out of the public eye and always seems to be off in another world. he doesn't like talking with people much but i imagine he's very passionate about fredbear's and feels more confident whilst performing as fredbear (like how william does with springbonnie). he's a better dad than william but that's not a super high bar to beat and he unintentionally kind of neglects his kids a lot. which is why the security puppet exists, to keep them safe (didn't quite work. RIP!) i think him and william are actually more similar than either of them would care to admit. henry is a selfish man who'd do anything to achieve his goals too, which is why the murders are covered up and fazbear entertainment keeps going. and also why fnaf 6 happens.

more about charlie's death. it puts a strain on henry and william's relationship, but henry also doesn't want to believe that his partner did it. but i think somewhere in the back of his mind, he absolutely knows. they stick together for a while, but after the missing children's incident henry completely kicks william out of the company. william almost gets convicted, but he's let off since cops couldn't find evidence (henry almost does too but is also let off). and after that william decides to lay low for a while and fuck off to somewhere else. what does he do? shrugs. sister location would happen a while after this and so on and so forth. i could elaborate more if you have any more specific questions!

[angelhummel]

okay so in honor of pride month, i have something i wanna get off my chest for real. sorry if this is super long

I have a tendency to go outside of tumblr spaces when looking at glee content — something i frequently regret. but in my time in those spaces, i often the most delusional take ever. it is basically, “kurt was always kinda pushy towards finn. so did he actually DESERVE to be called a slur??? 🤔🤔🤔 let’s discuss.” this shit boils my blood to no end and while it’s obvious why, i feel the incessant need to defend my boy kurt at all costs.

for one, he wasn’t any more pushy than any other character in the show. i mean for god’s sake, rachel quite literally THREW herself at finn as early as the first episode and i guess that’s fine??? what kurt did was virtually no different bc all the characters do weird, out of pocket shit throughout the show. it really only bothered finn bc kurt is a boy and finn is OVERLY bothered by the prospect of a boy having a crush on him. (more specifically that its kurt — he just simply dislikes kurt being attracted potentially straight guys. thats why he took so much issue to kurt singing with sam. it’s always been about his personal issues with kurt)

moving on to the actual scene in question, so much of what flop accused kurt of was grossly unfair to him. like he says something along the lines of “im scared to even take a shower when youre around,” implying that kurt is some ‘predatory gay’. which is ironic, bc we learn from kurt himself that he never showered after gym JUST to avoid be labelled as something like that. at no point did kurt’s advances move towards remotely ANYTHING sexual in nature, finn just instead assumed that of him

finally, i do believe that flop WANTED to call kurt a slur. he knew that kurt wouldnt call him out for it and you can tell from his tone that that had been building up inside of him for awhile. he wanted something that would push kurt away/scare him. he just went for the cruelest method possible in the moment.

so all this was to basically say that flop hudson sucks and that kurt did not deserve any of the shit that he endured. he was pretty much taught by his peers that it is inappropriate and unacceptable for him to have the same wants and desires that literally any teenager would have simply bc he was gay.

thank you for tuning into my rant. this has been stewing for awhile lmao

lmao yesterday i saw a gifset where cory as finn was doing some good fun acting and i stared at him for like a minute going "if i focus on the cory of it all, can i trick myself into liking finn even a little bit?"

the answer was already no, but if it hadn't been, this ask wouldve set me straight. thank you <3

i've definitely talked about that before tho bc omg. finn has the nerve to call anyone else pushy. i know its not like it'd happened in the show already but. this is the boy setting up a whole kissing booth to manipulate quinn into kissing him aksljfsdlk. or the way he got drunk at the wedding reception in s4 and was hounding rachel. that literally gives me the heebie jeebies lmao sorry to be dramatic about it but i hate it

and god yeah it just breaks my heart bc we know that kurt is always walking on eggshells around these people anyway. and literally 2x04 has become one of my least favorite episodes bc of how hard it is to watch as a kurt stan lmao. sorry it has like two iconic songs but finchel are so fucking manipulative and awful and i've had several rants about this episode before aljsfdlks but basically boils down to them literally making kurt feel like he's committing a crime by asking sam to sing a duet with him and isolating him to an unhealthy degree

and then wanna act all :O four eps later when kurt is like "im getting tf out of here to go to school with people who are nice to me" aslkfdslfjsd

anyway literally just search "2x04 anti finn" on my blog and you will find more posts than you would ever care to read lmao

[disabled-stuck]

HI ITS ME CHRONIC PAIN ANON BACK AGAIN... here's my thoughts on who of the human cast is Aware That They Have Chronic Pain Issues. srry ppl were discussing and im like, Wow, Time For Me In Hc Central

june's issues start to really develop and get bad post-game (in my headcanons), so for a long period of time she literally has no one to talk to about it bc she's self-isolating. she eventually tells nannasprite about it when nanna is guilt-tripping her into getting up (nanna voice: Whatever works, hoohoo!), and nanna is like. this is my only granddaughter. i will do whatever i can for her. (i love june & nanna's dynamic. could u tell.) jasprose also is like GIRL!!! You Are In Pain!!! nanna & jasprose team up of the century to get june egbert to Acknowledge Her Problems

dave NO clue NO idea WILL not talk about it. maybe EVENTUALLY tells karkat about it but i don't think she ever seeks out a diagnosis or tries to get one. hes got old ingrained trauma about seeing doctors, which is something he's trying to get over, but like, he already has 4 bajillion other things to unpack about his childhood and healthcare systems are not historically good about chronic pain, a dismissal of their symptoms might set them back in that regard. they're just homebrewing this shit for now.

rose: yeah, she knows. she doesn't talk about it in those terms, though. instead of saying "i have a horrible migraine and cannot get out of bed" she tells kanaya to text the gc that she's afflicted by the Broodfester Woes and cannot join them this evening. theyve sort of picked up by now what that means but she thinks it's funnier this way.

jade: HMMM. i think she put herself through her denial paces but actually i think going grimbark essentially caused her to not feel her chronic pain (a side effect of condy's semi-control over her body), and when she got shunted back into her body she had to face the reality where she DIDNT hurt all the time like wow thats how ppl normally feel? what the fuck????

jane: oh absolutely fucking not does not know. unlike jade, his pain got WORSE during crockertier. yet it still takes literally two decades for him to finally acknowledge that his stuff is NOT normal and the fact that her whole friend group has chronic pain doesn't help, which kind of sucks. jane voice: well sometimes i can get out of bed when i have a headache and rose can't, so clearly its not the same (as if jane doesn't force himself out of bed even when he really shouldnt!!!). roxy has to be the one to tell him.

roxy: yeah she knows it's chronic pain. she's been worried about getting cirrhosis for years, and so has been keeping up to date on her physical health as a result. she figured it out pretty quickly after a couple flareups. trickster mode made it worse for her.

dirk: hal has been telling him for YEARRRRRRRRS that his carpal tunnel is just that, carpal tunnel. and yet. AR: Dirk, if you do not take better care of yourself, you are never going to be capable of building me a body of my own. TT: 1. I'm fine. 2. I'm not building you a body anyways, so the point is moot. anyways he accepts it during the game bc he's like you know what. might as well admit it to myself. good thing, too, because it only gets worse after a couple decapitations.

jake: has pretty much always known, deep down, but like. she lives on an ISLAND. the hell is he going to do about it? no, better not to think about it. someday they'll be able to deal with it, but that day isn't today, and theres so much to do. so he represses it DEEPLY. normal action hero jake english doesn't have chronic pain, of course. she's a heroic manly lead, after all... (the deconstruction of that mindset sort of makes them acknowledge it, though.)

ANYWAYS I JUST RAMBLED AT YOU FOR A COUPLE HUNDRED WORDS HOPE U HAVE, A GOOD DAY/NIGHT/WHAT EVER

YYAYYY no you're so good nonnie thank u forever and ever

[petruchio]

Caroline I saw that post and I just wanted to reach out because I have some love and (possibly) encouragement:

Don’t worry Bestie, everything you described about having it all but still feeling so unseen, misunderstood and fundamentally lonely?

I promise promise promise that’s just what being 23 feels like.

I feel like that sounds so silly to say, but I promise I felt the same way, and it took me a while to realize that THIS is what people were talking about with the whole 23 thing.

Like, suddenly, I’m looking at my entire life with newfound understanding and. I really was just doing it all in hopes that it would solve something that simply can’t be solved that way. Like checking all the boxes won’t do this. I don’t think.

And wow I think I’ve always been so lonely and misunderstood. This whole time in fact. I feel that that I will always be this way. How could I not? How could something that (I now realize) is so fundamental to me ever change?

But thoughts have varying degrees of accuracy AND that’s just the 23-24 journey, I really do swear bestie.

23 didn’t feel like that for me at first, but then I “had it all” and it did feel like exactly that. And it did for a long a time. But slowly, I found some meaningful connections (which I already had, actually) but I got better at being present in those moments with those people. Letting those moments define my life, rather than worrying so much or getting caught up in weather I’m actually understood.

If someone wants to try understanding me, does it matter if they succeed? How could anyone truly understand anyone else? They’d have to BE them to really get it. So it’s the effort that counts. And the living in those moments of that effort and the feeling of that love and the seeking to do it for other people.

And more than that, maybe I haven’t been understood ever, maybe I never will, but it’s that people try this impossible task that is so moving. And that I try it for them in return. This is also the reason why I am so important to have on MY OWN roster. To be besties with myself. Bc I am, truly, the best friend ever for me. Because I always understand.

It’s really hard to describe what I mean about this, so I’m sorry for rambling, but I just want you to know that you’re so normal for this, and It’s just part of life I think. (Kind of like how every teenage feels that one specific way. you see it and you’re like “yeah, that’s what being a teenager feels like”) you’re in that right now, just a different age/lesson/skill.

I promise things will feel differently moving forward, maybe not now, but soon. I believe in you, and I’m rooting for you. Just take it one day at a time 💛

this is such a sweet answer, and i really love how you framed it -- not like, oh it's okay, you'll find someone who understands you someday! but like, you're always going to feel misunderstood but the magic is in finding people who care enough to bother with *trying* to understand you -- the magic is in the trying.

and yeah i do think it is a lot of just Being In Your Early Twenties because after finally leaving my parents house and college and really figuring out who i am on my own, i've been doing a lot of unpacking of why i actually do act the way that i do and that's been a huge process of grieving -- letting go of the dreams i used to have that don't serve me anymore, mourning the things i never even knew was missing during my childhood and teenage years, understanding the ways that my life is shaped by my personal and family history, figuring out what i'm trying to compensate for, and recognizing the ways i'm doing that in both healthy and unhealthy ways. it's hard work!! it sucks most of the time!! but it is ultimately a rewarding, if lonely, process.

i feel like i come on my blog a lot to complain about this deep sense of loneliness i have, and it's strange, because i do have friends and i do have a lot of people in my life who i feel really close to, and i have genuine and meaningful connections with other people that are fulfilling and great in their own ways. and yet i still have this feeling. so maybe there is a comfort in just admitting that i'm always just going to have a profound loneliness inside of me, and there's nothing i can do and no amount of friends i can have that's going to resolve it. and that trying to fill that empty space that lives inside of me with *more* friends, *more* activities, *more* money, *more* prestige, *more* meaningless boxes to check off... it's never going to work. maybe that's the process of letting go i need to work on now.

it's true that at the end of the day, the only person who's going to hang out with me for my whole life.. is me. i have to be my own best friend, like you said, and most of the time, i do a pretty good job of it! and i do love me for that, i love me for how hard i've been working to understand myself, i love me for wanting to get better, i love me for still being brave enough to love myself in spite of the giant whirlpool of anxiety and sadness and worthlessness inside of me that is trying so hard to suck me into the deepest and worst parts of myself. that's hard work, and i really am proud of myself for doing it.

i guess someday i just want to really have the experience of feeling... genuinely wanted. i have glimpses of it, so i know it's out there. and i think you're right, this is a feeling that is unique and specific to this era of a life and the reality of being a young adult, and for me, i do trust the universe and i do trust myself and i do trust that time and practice and continually opening up my heart no matter how many times it hurts will bring that to me. and i'm sure that someday i'll be nostalgic for my long lonely days and the lessons they're teaching me. i do wholeheartedly believe that life is about one long process of discovering and learning. and for me, at this time, this particular form of that learning is just going to be something i have to do by myself.

well i apologize for my rambling too. in a funny way, it's often when i open up about feeling misunderstood and lonely that i end up feeling the most understood. this message did that. it's one of those little glimmers of understanding that helps me to feel a little less alone. in a cheesy way... i guess it's moments like this that keep me hoping <3