#which says something about the current state of my mental health

[bratty-metalhead]

It has been a long while since I have checked in on my followed blogs and I feel absolutely terrible for it. How are you doing? I hope well. Thank you for being you. In case no one has said lately you're incredible and shine like the stars.

Awwww holy crap, this is so sweet. Thank you! You’re fabulous!

[zero-a]

people will go all "just be yourself and love yourself! :)" and then go "if you don't act the way i want, you gotta reprogram your entire way of thinking then reach into the very core of who you are and what makes you you, discard it, and replace it with this better, friendlier, more empathetic version that's coincidentally far more convenient for me to deal with than any other possible compromise we can make that you can do for me but doesn't stretch your mind to nothing but thin bands of what you'd consider 'You' :))))))"

[shadesoflsk]

YOUR? OUR MARGARET

PAIRING: Leon Kennedy x Single mom!reader

SUMMARY: Life slowed down when Leon first saw those tiny rays of sunlight. But he didn't think he would fall in love with the whole sun. Or: Leon falls in love with a single mother.

WARNINGS: Brief mentions of alcohol, government, leon's traumas, love confessions, Leon is a bit insecure and awkward but he's also a sweetheart and has a soft spot for kids, cheesy and corny type of love, this is just fluff believe me!

WORD COUNT: 4.5k

AUTHOR'S NOTE: If I had a nickel for every time I've written about Leon's transition from vendetta to death island I would have two which it isn't a lot but it's funny it happened twice. If you wish to know what song Leon played this is the one I had in mind. As always, I hope you like it. This is my Valentine's Day fic for today!

MY MASTERLIST

Gruesome scenarios and depressive states of mind have tainted Leon's path in life. However, the grizzled and gloomy agent has had a rather rough patch this last year in which he was left alone to die in his own sorrow—Raccoon City, Spain, China and his already-known addiction took a toll on him.

He doesn't have anyone to blame, nor does he want to. Yeah, he could blame the government for stripping him of his innocence and his genuine wish to help people but he felt like he had failed his nation, not the DSO, not the FBI, just him.

Behind closed doors, in the white house and for everyone else he's Agent Leon Kennedy, Mr. Kennedy, and if someone were to ask the president he'd say he's the most trusted weapon the country has. 

He has grown accustomed. His shield has hardened to the point he's numb to most things he should find disturbing or annoying yet he couldn’t help but wish someone would see him the way he really is. 

A bittersweet feeling grew in Leon’s system. Alcohol no longer brought the same dull sensation that’d put him to sleep even in the loudest and sleazy bar. So, slowly he grew out of his addiction. Not alone, though. Alongside him were a couple of therapists which he reluctantly confided in. Not because he didn’t believe in mental health, but because he thought it wasn’t for him.

Also, his friends made his life a bit better. Spare the man the embarrassment, but friendship does indeed make you see the world more colorfully. It was nice hearing his name slip out of his friends' lips. Leon, Leon! Aww, Leon. 

However, life didn’t prepare him for the moment his name was replaced by a:

Dada.

Therapists had told him he should look for a hobby, something that’d fill those moments where boredom or monotony would push him to fall back into his deadly addictions. And he completely understood, he ought to follow the experts’ advice in order to actually improve.

It was rather easier, he was not a complicated man. 

Even before the Raccoon City incident, he loved exercising. Whether it was lifting weights, cycling, or plain running he’d always be found doing something. The mere thought of just lying in bed was something he’d never engage in, especially not now that he’s getting better. 

So, he combined two things. One he was familiar with and a second one he hasn’t been able to really connect with: nature. 

Near his current apartment, there was a small park in which he goes jogging. Usually, his schedule would only allow him to go there in the early hours of the morning where the only people he’d find were retired grandparents who danced to some Spanish music he couldn’t understand.

Peaceful, he liked it. 

But when he was getting used to his daily morning jogging, a call from work told him they needed him ASAP. So, his little detoxicating activity would be postponed to the afternoon. 

After dealing with the usual stress from work, calls from Hunnigan, and a rather bothersome headache, he got to his apartment and decided to get ready and not skip his so-needed jogging. 

The afternoon sky was painted with a hue of blue mixing with the slightest orange color, the gentle breeze hitting Leon’s face as he jogged around the park. His tempo never missed a beat not even after an hour or so between his physical training and some pauses. Sweat fell from his forehead and onto the ground with each step he took, meaning that he was reaching exhaustion.

At last, he found solace under a tree that cast a shadow, perfect for Leon to catch his breath. Closing his eyes, he let his lungs inhale as much air as they could.

His peaceful moment was broken when a tiny voice called out for him. Or rather, mistaken him for someone else.

“Dada!” A little girl came walking to where he was seated, wobbly steps trying to reach him. 

“Margaret!” You appeared out of nowhere before the toddler could reach and hug the stranger. The giggling and excited kid seemed to have heard “run faster” by the way she didn’t stop at your call.

A hint of confusion washed over Leon as he watched the scene develop with rather curious eyes. A mop of curly hair running away from your grasp. The white dress turned into a slightly brown color, Leon guessed the child must have been playing in the dirt.

And then a glimpse of a faint smile replaced his previous bewilderment as his eyes fell on you. As you tried catching your daughter, he observed her antics and your patience. 

Finally, your hands lifted the little one as her tiny legs kicked in the air, ready to run in the air. 

You fixed Margaret’s dress and messy hair while her bright eyes continued being focused on the man sitting on the grass. Her hands doing the typical “grabby” motion to Leon. Sighing in defeat, you spoke to the man.

“Sorry, don’t know what happened.” You sheepishly said as you offered the man an apology for your daughter’s previous mischievous actions. “She usually doesn’t call random people dada I assure you.”

“She gave me quite the scare.” Leon chuckled as he got up from the grass. “My past actions flashed before my eyes.” 

“As I said, I’m sorry.” You repeated your words while your daughter tried wriggling her way out of your arms. When she saw that her mother’s grip wasn’t budging, she took matters into her own hands.

She started crying.

You weren’t letting your daughter play with a stranger, that much you knew. 

“My name’s Leon, by the way.” Leon said, extending his arm, but he pulled back as soon as he saw that you were too busy handling the tantrum your daughter was having. 

You told Leon your name which easily fell from his lips to confirm he heard you well. “Do you normally come here?” You asked.

“Yes, but just in the mornings.” He responded, watching the little one pouting. “Something came out today so duty called. Cops don’t rest.”

“Wait, Are you a cop?” You seemed to relax at the revelation and he couldn’t help but get a Deja Vu from this little interaction. A friend of his asked him the same question, but at least now he wasn’t surrounded by zombies.

“A cop…” A whisper came out from Leon’s lips, a playful yet gentle smile formed on his face. “Kinda.”

“I’ll assume you’re way more important than that.” You adjusted Margaret in your arms when she finally calmed. Although she kept on staring at Leon, her bright eyes focused on him. “Because if you were indeed a cop or a chief you’d be puffing your chest out.”

“Are they always like that?” He acted surprised.

“Here, in New York? I don’t know… you tell me.”

It’s been a while since he last spoke with someone this freely. Surely he has talked with his friends a lot. But they were people he had previously known and shared the same past as him, a connection to the outside world seemed impossible and even greedy in a way.

Soon, both of you found yourselves unable to stop talking, even Margaret chirped from time to time, making her opinion loud and clear. He got to know a bit about you, and you got to know little fragments of his life. The ones who wouldn’t lead him to share more than necessary, obviously.

Despite the rough exterior, his constant frowning stopped as a soft expression replaced it. Margaret's chubby hands absentmindedly held one of Leon’s fingers as he spoke with you, blabbering and being overjoyed by his presence. 

However, her cheerful mood slowly turned sour as soon as she got hungry. Glassy eyes and sobs warned you that the conversation would come to an end.

“Yup, I gotta go.” You murmured trying not to bring more stress to your already distressed baby. “It was nice talking to you.”

“Likewise.” Leon kept his hands in his pockets, unable to come up with anything else. He wanted to say that perhaps they could repeat this. But then again, he’s been so deprived of normal social interactions that he no longer knows if that would sound creepy. 

“Have a good night.” He decided it would be the wisest thing to do. He watched your soft expression as you took your little girl’s hand and waved goodbye. 

Ever since that little interaction, his schedule changed. His morning routine was long forgotten. An excuse was made, something between the lines that his shift changed so he has to work in the mornings. 

And he was delighted to spend time with both of you. The highlights of his whole day would be getting to hear about you and Margaret. 

Each day that passed meant new memories being made. From the way he got to know Margaret’s favorite ice cream flavor to your childhood dreams. Every detail mattered for him because he could now see how simple life could be.

He took—both of you mostly— on little dates. Let it be to try a new cafeteria near the park, drinking an americano while Margaret drank from her sippy cut which was filled with chocolate milk. 

However, there were times in which Margaret would stay with a friend of yours. Allowing you to be alone with Leon. And while he appreciates the joy and happiness your daughter brought, he also loved the moments in which he could focus just on you. 

Sadly, years of training didn’t prepare him to man up and make the first move. When he thought he would brush away every insecurity and second guesses, something would come up. 

He wanted to grab your hand, the waiter would come at the worst time. He wants to compliment you, he'd almost choke with his own saliva. He wanted to give you a goodbye kiss after driving you home, someone would call him.

It was as if the universe was against him.

Thankfully, you had picked up those hints. And if Leon wasn't the luckiest man out there, you can help him in his predicament.

On a usual afternoon, as Margaret played with the leaves that had fallen from the trees, you shot him a question.

“Would you like to have dinner with me?”

“Huh? Yes, it sounds nice.” Leon absentmindedly replied, thinking it would be like the rest of your dates.

“I mean… In my house. I don't think I've invited you yet.”

In the meantime, Margaret had grabbed some leaves which she placed on Leon's hair. The man didn't even react to it, already used to her antics.

“I wouldn't like to intrude.”

“You wouldn't. See it as a friendly meeting.”

Friendly meeting, of course. He couldn’t be so selfish.

“If you insist.” He says as the little one giggles, her smile just showing two teeth. “When would it be?”

“Are you free this 14th?” 

He nods, he doesn't even remember if he's in fact free. But he'd make time. 

Besides, who works on Valentine’s Day?

     ⊹˚₊‧───────────────‧₊˚⊹

He wishes he would've realized about the implications of the day sooner.

The other dates have been nothing but platonic. Of course he had been nervous, biting his nails to the point where had to put on clear nail polish. 

But this one is for Valentine's Day. Day where people confess their love in dramatic ways. Some lucky people even propose on this date. 

Leon has been out of the dating game for years. He believes he'll mess it up somehow, especially as he sees the reflection of himself in the mirror. 

Of course, he knows he's getting better. But his appearance tells everyone otherwise. His hair continues being dark, a big contrast from his past self whose blond hair would be the talk of some people.

The palm of his hand brushes over his stubble cheek. The sensation of those tiny hairs is similar to blades. He looks at his watch, there is no time to shave. The last thing he wanted was to be late on his first date.

He sighs and walks toward the table, on top of it are two bouquets. One has multiple red and pink roses, that one is for you. The other one consists of a single white rose, for Margaret. Even if he has forgotten the basics of dating, he wouldn’t go empty-handed to your home.

The drive to your house isn’t an easy one. Not because he lacked driving skills, he is pretty much proud of how well he could drive when he is not facing life-or-death situations. 

He takes his car, just for today. He knows he has to be himself and show you his love for bikes. But he would be lying if he wasn’t a tad scared about coming to your house driving his usual motorbike. What would you think? Surely you’d dump him for risking his life or something like that.

But he is so damned anxious. He turns on the radio, trying to muffle his thoughts but the first thing that comes up is a Valentine's Day advertisement. ‘Don’t mess up your date today! Try our newest product and—’ He’s trying, he doesn’t know what the ad is talking about but he needs no product for this date to be a success.

He turns off the stupid machine. After all, today’s music sucks. Nothing personal, he just doesn’t like it. He’d prefer if the radio played real music. Some Deftones and Korn would do. 

But right now he’d dance to anything. Valentine’s Day, after all, should be a romantic getaway from the normalcy of life. Even though years had made him a corny individual, if it’s with you, romanticism should never die.

He’s rambling, his head is a mess. He sees himself slow dancing with you, Somethin’ Stupid playing in the background. He foresees a future in which he could paint next to your daughter, suns and trees never looked so pretty as he imagines that scenario. 

Dating you would come with the whole pack, he knows well. But even at his age, he still feels like a broken child whenever he sees himself in the mirror. Memories of his innocence being stripped away of him and his present still clinging on to the faint threads of hope. 

So that’s why he made the promise of taking this relationship seriously. No matter if you end up being nothing more than friends. People often say that you just know when you meet the one. And he saw the beacons of lights announcing the whole sun when he met you and your little one.

Eventually, he reaches your home. Double-checking the address you had previously sent him over text, he confirms this is the place you live in. A modest house, enough for you and Margaret. 

He switches off the engine and takes out the key from the ignition. Placing his hands one last time on the steering wheel, he takes a deep breath, mentally preparing himself. And with a newfound conviction, he grabs the two bouquets and gets out of the car.

When he walks towards the door, he immediately knocks. If he dared to wait just a second just to calm his anxiety, he’d spend at least 5 minutes staring at the wooden material. So, he sacrifices that priceless time in order to face reality.

A ‘coming’ is heard by Leon a few seconds after he knocks. Eventually, the front door opens and you welcome him with Margaret in your arms. “Hey.” You greet him, Margaret doing the same as she waves her hand.

“Hey, you two.” Leon says with a warm smile, trying to hold back the fact that there hasn’t been a better image than this. “I couldn’t come empty-handed to your house so I took the liberty to bring you these.”

Leon then hands you the bouquets he had brought—the bigger one for you, and the smaller one with a single rose for Margaret. 

“Are these for me?” A dumb question, of course. But there’s no harm to ask and surely it would get a nice reply from Leon who has been dancing around the idea of flirting with you. Too scared to come off as awkward and silly.

“I don’t see another pretty woman around here.” It slips so smoothly out of his lips. Leon Kennedy, you still got it, he mentally praises himself. 

“Yeah, right.” You roll your eyes, satisfied with the answer you received. “Please, come in.”

Leon nods and enters your house. The living room was nicely organized, and the way some toys blended in with the decoration brought a smile to his face. The perfect balance between the sober expected room with the colorful and childish playthings.

You set Margaret on the floor not before giving her the rose Leon gifted her. She absentmindedly walks toward the couch and sits down to inspect what an amazing thing the funny man brought.

“Well, looks like she likes them.” Leon hums as he watches how Margaret starts happily tearing the flower into tiny pieces. Her antics filling Leon’s heart, he could get used to this feeling.

He wants to.

“Yup, definitely.” And your eyes meet Leon’s, his piercing blue eyes are not cold as he often thinks. They remind you of the beach sea, of the gentle waves and the gentleness they carry. 

And he sees himself in yours. In your eyes, he isn’t a cold and depressed agent who is fighting off the odds. He admires the man he’s becoming. The man who despite everything he has experienced, wants to do better.

“I haven’t told you yet but…” Leon trails off as he gathers the courage to do this simple yet nerve-wracking action. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

He grabs your hand and brings it to his lips. Without breaking eye contact, he kisses your knuckles. A gentleman through and through. If he could win your heart, he’d do anything to protect both of you.

Although he was lying, even if he weren’t to win you over, you have already gained a friend who would literally save the world for you to live in with your most beautiful miracle. 

“You’re sappy.” You shake your head laughing, but you don’t push Leon away. In a way, your teasing comes off as a thank you. 

“And you break my heart.” He chuckles, letting go of your hand which falls to your side.

As it does, your eyes fall on Margaret. While she continues playing with torn pieces of the flower, you see her head swaying slowly from side to side, as if fighting off sleep. 

“It’s nap time for little Margaret.” You break the silence as you walk toward Margaret whose tiny fingers still try to tear up the already destroyed rose. 

You pick up Margaret and with the way she isn't getting fuzzy, your assumption was correct. She is fighting against Morpheus, sadly losing.

You glance at Leon who is standing in the same place you left him. Admiring the scene of you carrying your daughter. 

“Would you like to help me?” You murmur. 

Of course he does, he wants nothing more but to embark on this new life. He has seen so much horror and for once, he wants to indulge in this domestic dream of his.

“If you let me.”

Humble, timid, and definitely not showing how enthusiastic he was about helping you. 

You nod and guide him upstairs. Margaret’s room was just next to yours, even though you prefer to sleep with her, still too nervous about her getting tangled in her own blankets.

As both of you reach the room, shades of pink and white greet Leon. Some toys are scattered around the floor too. Proof of Margaret’s wholesome behavior. 

Margaret shifts in your arms, her previous peaceful demeanor changing given the frustration of not falling asleep yet. She is pretty much easy to handle when nap time comes, but today is one of those days.

“You told me I could help.” Leon's hushed voice reaches you. His eyes express the need to assist you in a task like this. 

“Sure…” Your heart flutters as Leon steps up to help you. You indeed asked him if he wanted to come with you. But the fact he had so eagerly accepted the role made you appreciate him even more.

If that was even possible.

As Margaret starts letting out soft cries, you hand her to Leon who is quick to catch her. At first, Margaret is held rather awkwardly which brings a smile to your face before her cries get really serious.

You help Leon by moving his hand. That gains a quiet ‘ok ok’ meaning that he got the hang of it. 

He positions Margaret on his chest, her face seeking the crook of his neck as she continues letting out tiny sobs. With his hand supporting his back, he rocks her.

If anyone were to see him, they'd think he's a father holding his daughter. But in his mind, he's holding your world, his world. 

Oblivious to it, Leon started humming a song. He doesn’t know where he had heard it before. Maybe it came from his mother, a memory he thought was deeply buried in his mind.

Eventually, your baby falls asleep which definitely boosts Leon’s mood as she grins. He's built for this! He thinks.

He lays Margaret in her crib. The little one breathes slowly as she drifts off to dreamland.

Both of you slowly and quietly walk out of the room making sure not to make any loud noise and wake the sleeping princess. 

As you slowly descend from the stairs and are once again in the living room, Leon’s mind is filled with expectations.

What's next?

What is he supposed to do now? 

As if on cue, your words break the silence.

“I forgot to order the food.” You sheepishly admit as you nervously laugh. Between cleaning the house before Leon came and taking care of a toddler the fact that a dinner without food wouldn't be a dinner slipped out of your mind.

“I'll do it right now just give me a second to search for this one restau—”

“Hey, it's okay.” Leon reaches for your arm before you can walk toward where the phone is. He takes this opportunity to do all the things he has wanted to do with you. To accomplish each one of those silly yet endearing wishes of his.

“Besides… this is a great excuse for us to bond more.”

He lets go of your arm but instead, his hand takes out his cellphone. Your eyes curiously watch as he types something.

For a moment, Leon doesn't utter a word and you can see how his fingers are slightly shaking.

Leon looks up from the phone and gives you a gentle smile before he sets the phone aside. After a couple of seconds, the slow and wistful chords of a piano announce the beginning of a song.

“May I have this dance?” Leon extends his hand toward you. 

You opt to accept his hand. In the back of your mind, you wanted to tease him one more time. Just like you did when he told you happy Valentine’s. But you feel this is way more important than those simple words.

As your hand locks with his, he pulls you closer to his body. His free arm finds its home in your lower back, not too low to keep it PG and not to discomfort you in this intimate dance.

Letting him guide you, you sway from side to side. His past self wouldn't have imagined that he could reach this level of serenity and tranquility. The simple thought of having a family was like a faraway dream.

Your head rests comfortably on Leon's shoulder, the scent of his cologne being your new favorite aroma. The one that brings you memories from the time you met him to all the dates you had that led to this very moment.

The song continues its course, and the outside world is forgotten for a moment. No words are exchanged as both of you drown in the homely feeling of dancing in each other's arms.

After a while, without lifting his head and allowing his lips to ever so slightly graze against your ears, Leon's voice cut through the peaceful melody.

“Let me in.” He whispers, his hands ever so slightly tightening around your middle section. His words brush against your ear like the soft melody that plays in the background. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Let me in, in your life. I don’t want to ask you to just be your partner.” The weight and truth of his statement turn your head in a messy place. “I want to be part of your life and Margaret’s.”

He wants to stick around, he wants to be greeted by you and Margaret each time he comes back from a mission. He wants to give Margaret the childhood he never had. And, he wants to fulfill every little dream you and he may have. 

“I want to wake up next to you each morning. To Margaret telling us she's hungry in her own way.” He's always been a man of few words, but in this moment he could recite the whole bible if he wanted. 

“I want to put Margaret to sleep every day just like I did today. And I want to sleep next to you every night, knowing that you're safe.”

“I don't want you to be a memory.” His lips move to the side of your face, daring to kiss your cheeks in a sweet manner. “I want you to be my whole life.”

Smoothly and with ease, his words fall from his lips while his tempo never falters. His thumb now softly rubs your skin, where his hand is located to support your back in the dance.

He'd want to take pride and tell you he's that good with words. However, many times he has rehearsed this speech that if he had stumbled on his words he'd have let the earth swallow him.

And as the song came to an end, so did Leon’s confession. 

A few seconds of silence create the worst nightmare in Leon's imagination. He could already hear your words telling him you don't feel the same that you're already in love with someone else or—

Your knuckles caress Leon’s face, feeling the growing stubble on his cheek and jaw. The sensation of being touched like this has been a long-distance memory that he's completely forgotten what being loved felt like.

He now feels both of your hands cupping his face, prompting him to look you in the eyes. His blue eyes lock with yours and admire the softest of expressions drawn on your face.

As he gazes into you, he can only think how in love he is. And what a good life awaits for him.

And what feels like both an eternity and a split second, your lips connect with his in a tender yet meaningful kiss. One that he's been expecting after all this time.

The one is indeed not a myth.

AUTHOR'S NOTE 2: I had so much fun writing this. There's something about found family that makes me all soft and sappy lmao. And sorry if my despiction about cops is wrong... I've never set foot in the US so spare your writer the embarrassment. Anyway, I hope you all have a beautiful day! No matter if you spend it with your lover, friends or alone. (Dividers are from: @/cafekitsune)

💬 SHADESOFLSK: Comments, reblogs and likes are very much appreciated.

[laokim]

aphroditeapprenticee

the void obsession is anti-neville, anti-law, anti-mental health, anti-well being, anti-manifesting, anti-everything. i hate it. it's all coming from the lack of understanding of the very fundamental foundation of the law. creation is finished. nothing and no one to change but SELF.

but, do you really understand that creation is finished? because if people did, i highly doubt they'd try to get into the void. creation is finished means you don't "create" anything. everything you can ever conceptualize is already created. if creation is finished, that means there is nothing to achieve, nothing to change, nothing to try, and nothing to fix. all you need to do is align yourself with that reality(state). you shift to that reality(state) in imagination/consicousness. that's literally it. here is a great post i highly recommend reading regarding the concept of creation is finished. If you're in your room right now, do you have to build a kitchen in order to be in a kitchen? no. you leave your room and go to the kitchen. because your house is already built. it's the same thing. you don't "change" your 3d. you leave your current state and move to your desired state.

the reason you're trying to get into the void is because you don't like your current life and because there are so many aspects you want to change, you're carrying the burden of changing the 3d on your shoulders, you're viewing the void state as something that will magically change and solve everything. so you're trying to get into the void so you can finally change the 3d. but again, nothing and no one to change but SELF. you're not changing the 3d. I need you to understand this, you're NOT changing the 3d. you're changing your SELF. when you change self, the 3d changes on its own because everything and everyone is SELF pushed out. i have no experience with the void, so i can't give you any advice on how to get into the void except for relaxing and just focusing on being.

but if i were you, I'd let go of the void. what is your obsession with the void helping you in any way? how long have you been obsessed with it? please let go of what does not serve you.

you're lacking. you're feeling lack. you're desiring. I suggest you scroll down my blog and read my other posts and replies to other asks. the very first step is to stop desiring NOT by suppressing your desire, but by fulfilling it all in imagination only. there is only fulfillment or lack, you have to make a choice. will you fulfill your desire in Imagination or will you continue to live in lack in imagination. in imagination, which is your kingdom, where all things exist and fulfillment is totally unconditional?

leave the 3d alone. i mean it when i say manifesting has nothing, i mean NOTHING, to do with the 3d. it's all about you. your inner self. you're not changing your face, you're changing your SELF. you're not changing your body, you're changing your SELF. you're not changing your bank account, you're changing your SELF. you're not changing your family, you're changing your SELF. YOU'RE NOT CHANGING THE 3D YOU'RE CHANGING YOUR INNER SELF (state of consciousness aka self-concept).

if you were my sister, i'd do anything to make you completely give up on the void state and study and apply the law instead. but, i can't do that to you because the choice is up to you. will you continue to do yourself a disservice by obsessing over something that doesn't get you anywhere or will you let it go and study&apply the law which guarantees the fulfillment of your desires?

your 3d doesn't need to be changed. no matter how horrible it looks, there is nothing wrong with your 3d. your 3d is perfect as it is. it's your consciousness. you have to change your consciousness, your SELF.

if you have time to obsess over the void, read neville. read edward art's series. You think manifesting is about changing the 3d. that's why you see manifesting as something that requires hard work, that's why you're obsessing over the void because you think the void will remove the "hard work" you think you should do to manifest. when you realize that all you need to do is literally just fulfill your desire in imagination only, you will no longer be interested in the void. the void obsession started last year. never have i ever once tried to get into the void. because to me, manifesting isn't about changing the 3d. it's all about my imagination/ consciousness.

if you want to take my advice, which i hope you do, unfollow every single void blog you follow. delete void information you wrote down anywhere. unsubscribe to every channel relating to the void. cut off every online friend you made talking about the void. let go of it. and i can guarantee you this much, if you focus on changing yourself in imagination, your results will show up in the 3d SO fast you'll be scared(in a good way).

it's up to you whether you're going to obsess over the void for the next 3 months and get nothing out of it but worse mental health OR spend the next 1 month on studying&applying the law and reap a good harvest, if you do, your results will be satisfactory.

Start tonight. start with at your command and the power of awareness. the law and the promise contains over 50 success story letters neville eceived from people. Read this series, his interpretation of neville's teaching is amazing and he also touches on subjects neville barely did that people may be struggling with. neville and edward art are the only teachers you need imo. debunk everything you know about the void and read what i linked above and apply. You will reap a good harvest.

[wizlizbelle3]

You don't need to feel it real + What SATs actually is

I'm going to link a reddit success story which I think explains SATs best and it's something I needed to remind myself as well. There's so much misinformation out there and people who say "oh you need to use all your 5 senses to do SATs correctly"

NO! The whole point is to detach from the 3D and focus on that 4D space and you can't do that if you're using your senses. Also, SATs is a state where you can barely even remember what your desire even is. Everytime I did SATs correctly, I couldn't remember my scene.

The reason it didn't manifest in the 3D is because I realized I was too tired and just gave up and went to sleep. But if you'e in the same boat then this post is gonna be really helpful for you. Please read all the way through properly.

So SATs is literally a state akin to sleep. Akin means similar to. So a state where you're basically asleep but also awake. You can move your body but you don't *want* to. You're too relaxed and tired. It's not a magical position or something where you can only do sats if you don't breathe for 3 hours or something. You're literally supposed to be super tired and the main key to manifesting through SATs is that your desire should be the last thought before you let go of waking consciousness. That's why it manifests because you re-direct your focus onto your desire which your subconscious then takes into command to reflect in your 3D.

This person in the success story did not even visualize. They just accepted it before they fell asleep. They didn't even loop the affirmation. Just before they knew they were super tired and going to bed, they affirmed once that they will receive good news regarding the health of their father. That's it. In a few hours, when they woke up, they got the news that their father will be fine. But the one thing that stands out to me is that people misinterpret what Neville initially said about SATs and this person understood it unintentionally.

Here's an excerpt from Neville's Q & A that somebody posted in the comments:

Question: I would think that if you get too much into the sleepy state there would be a lack of feeling.

Answer: When I speak of feeling I do not mean emotion, but acceptance of the fact that the desire is fulfilled. Feeling grateful, fulfilled, or thankful, it is easy to say, “Thank You,” “Isn’t it wonderful!” or “It is finished.” When you get into the state of thankfulness, you can either awaken knowing it is done, or fall asleep in the feeling of the wish fulfilled.

So the key is not to force yourself to be happy or feel some emotion but to remind yourself that you have it. You have to ACCEPT that you have it. I asked Chatgpt how to accept something. Here's what bbgirl told me:

Recognize and Acknowledge

What to do: Acknowledge the reality of what you have, whether it's something physical, emotional, or situational.

For Positive Manifestations: Celebrate it and affirm, “This is mine now.”

For Challenges or Conditions: Gently affirm, “This is my current reality, and I accept it.”

Why it helps: Naming and recognizing something removes resistance and denial.

Practice Gratitude

What to do:

Be grateful for what you have. Say, “Thank you for this. I am so glad it’s part of my life.”

Focus on the benefits or lessons it brings.

Why it helps: Gratitude shifts your focus from resistance to appreciation.

Let Go of Resistance

What to do:

Notice if you’re resisting emotionally or mentally.

Practice letting go of "what ifs" or "why nots" by focusing on the present.

Why it helps: Resistance keeps you stuck. Letting go allows for smoother integration.

MY TIPS:

Thank yourself. "Omg thank you me for being so amazing".

Affirm. Robotic affirming DOES WORK and it helps majorly with any other technique you use. Some people can just understand what the void is and apply but people who are suffering a lot can have doubts so do the robotic affirming. Do everything you believe in so your mind doesn't have the option to resist. Replace your thoughts with you desires by affirming. Listen to the right subs (I updated my playlist and will update it further) and just relax. You have to remind yourself that you have it already.

Let me know if y'all have questions!

Edit: I'm sorry I didn't even attach the link lol https://www.reddit.com/r/NevilleGoddard/comments/130mrwo/i_finally_did_sats_right_and_it_felt_completely/

[mythicalmaven]

Beyond Boundaries • Oscar Piastri (PART TWO)

HERE IT IS! Part two! This time with smut, as promised <3 Hope you'll like the chapter! I hope i'll be able to post chapter 3 ASAP!

masterlist

↳pairing: oscar piastri x female!reader (norris!reader) ↳word count: 3.8K ↳↳ parts: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, ↳series summary: Since Oscar joined McLaren as your brother’s teammate, you two have quickly become best friends. Recently promoted to be Oscar’s physiotherapist, you both relish the opportunity to spend more time together. However, as the new role brings you closer, Oscar finds himself grappling with unexpected feelings and rising tension, leaving him conflicted about how to handle his emotions

↳chapter warnings: reader is dared to give Oscar a lap dance during truth or dare, masturbation (Oscar), bestfriend!reader, sexual content, sexual tension, NSFW, 18+ content (mdni), brother's teammate trope (reader is lando's sister)

Almost a month has passed since your first race weekend as Oscar's physiotherapist, and you have to admit that you have had the time of your life. You love your new job and are absolutely thrilled to work in the field you've studied so hard for. The fact that you get to work closely with your best friend has had a very positive impact on your mental health. You can confidently say that you are in a great state of mind.

It was the weekend before Oscar's home race in Melbourne, the race of the year that Oscar always looked forward to the most, but also put the most pressure on the young Australian driver. He felt more need to perform well when it was in his home country. 

Several drivers and their girlfriends, who were part of your friend group, decided to arrive in Australia a week early to spend some off-track time together in a big house by the sea. The group included Lando, Oscar, Daniel, Max, George, Logan, Alex, and their girlfriends. Since you were good friends with them, you tagged along as well, even though you are a driver's sister and not a girlfriend. Though, sometimes, you wish you were a certain someone's girlfriend.

That said villa is where you were currently chilling on a lounger, sunglasses resting on your nose as you were deep into a conversation with Alex' girlfriend, Lily & Max's girlfriend, Kelly about what your plans would be during the moments off on race week when you felt your phone vibrate in the pockets on your shorts. 

You grabbed your phone and took your sunglasses of your nose to check in the message that you got. The moment you saw that it was a text from Oscar, you felt a smile grow on your face. 

Osc: Hi there! Look up :)

Looking up from your phone, you scanned your eyes around and across the pool you saw Oscar and Daniel standing, both with a beer in hand. You immediately locked eyes with Oscar, who raised his beer to gesture hello, flashing you his signature smile as well as a careful wink. 

Y/n: Hi x

"What are you smiling about?" Kelly asked cheekily, already onto something.

Lily replied in a chuckle, following your gaze, which landed on Oscar and Daniel "I think it has to do something with a certain Australian and his name is definitely not Daniel" 

You scoffed at Lily's comment "Yes, it was Oscar who texted me. But it's not what you think it is" you told them. 

"Y/n, I've known you for years. I can see the way you look at him, and he's doing the exact same thing. There's a reason people call him Oscar 'heart eyes' Piastri," Lily said, raking a hand through her hair. "It's all over social media, girl. They ship you two so hard that there are even edits going viral."

Your eyes widened a bit at Lily's words, surprised that it was supposedly all over social media. It was probably TikTok, a platform you’d been avoiding for multiple reasons. "He is not giving me heart eyes," you scoffed again, downing your cocktail in one go. "And besides, I don't see him like that. He's my best friend, and I don't have feelings for him anyway." Lies

Kelly giggled and rolled her eyes "Yeah, and Max sucks at formula 1" she joked "Do you believe yourself?"

You slumped down deeper into the lounge bed, covering your face with your hands "Fine, I might have a small crush on him" you confessed, feeling your cheeks starting to flush. 

"Small?" Lily raised her eyebrows, looking at your flushed state.

"FINE, I'm in love with him, happy now?" you whisper-yelled, making sure only Kelly and Lily could hear. "It's not like it matters anyway. I'm pretty sure he doesn't feel the same, and even if he did, I couldn't do anything about it."

Kelly took a sip of her cocktail, looking at you reassuringly. "First of all, I'm pretty sure he's constantly checking you out. Have you never noticed that?" As you shook your head, she continued, "But why wouldn't you be able to do anything about it?"

You let out a sigh of defeat "Well, for starters I'm pretty sure that Lando will kill both me and him. When I started getting closer with the boys on the grid, we made the rule I wouldn't date his teammates. It would make things way too complicated if anything went wrong" you explained, trying not to ramble "And second, I'm literally his physiotherapist now. It wouldn't be very ethical to date my client, would it? I know it's different in our case because we were best friends before I got the job, but it still feels unprofessional. And I'm pretty sure my boss wouldn't be delighted with that news either."

You shrugged and looked at your lap, staring at your phone with the conversation with Oscar still open. "But it's not relevant, because I know for a fact that he doesn't feel the same. I'm pretty sure I'm not even his type."

"Well, I'm pretty sure you definitely are on his radar. But I have no clue how to prove that t you" Lily said, a smile on her lips "And to be honest, I'm pretty sure that Lando would be fine with it if you were honestly so in love. I get what you mean regarding your job tho. It might make things complicated. But to be fair, if it's real love, then it should be worth the risk. Shouldn't it?"

Another vibration of your phone got your attention, pulling you out of your thoughts. It was Oscar again, apparently he noticed the change of mood in you. So he was watching you from time to time, apparently

Osc: You feeling well? You look a little defeated. 

"Talking about the devil, aren't we?" Lily asks as she sits down beside me.

"Yup" you nodded, breathing in, trying to think of something you could reply 

Y/n: Yeah, peachy :) Just a little tired from the heat of the sun. Nothing to worry about, Osc 

Osc: Saw that your cocktail is empty, wanna make another one? I wanted to get a new beer as well, so we might as well go in together. You know, two birds with one stone

Y/n: Sure :)

"I'm gonna get a new cocktail, I'll be back in a bit" you stated with a kind smile as you stood up from the lounger, adjusting your shorts and making sure your bikini top looked presentable. 

After giving you a smile in return, Kelly leaned towards Lily. "You know, I might have a little plan to get some action going on between the two of them," she whispered sneakily, nodding towards Oscar and you.

Lily rolled her eyes and chuckled. "Oh god, what are you planning?"

"Well, you know how Alex suggested playing truth or dare tonight with drinks, right? Why not make it a little more interesting and have y/n do something to make Oscar a bit jealous? That might steer him in the right direction," she proposed.

"And what exactly do you have in mind?" Lily asked, not entirely sure if she found the idea very smart.

"We could always dare her to kiss Logan or something. They're good friends, and I'm pretty sure neither of them would mind since they've kissed before," Kelly started. "Besides, she's kissed Carlos during truth or dare before, so I know she's not too awkward for that during games."

"Hmm," Lily replied, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she took a breath. "I think I have a better plan." She proposed her idea, making Kelly's eyes light up in agreement.

Lily smiled back at her friend and shifted her gaze to her boyfriend. "Alex!" she called out a bit louder, her boyfriend immediately making his way over to the two girls.

"Okay, so we kinda have an idea. But you have to promise you won't tell anyone, okay?" Lily said.

•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•

Meanwhile Oscar and you were in the kitchen, deciding on what cocktail to make. Oscar was staring at the contents of the fridge, not sure what to grab. 

You walked your way over to Oscar, resting your chin on his shoulder, looking over it to see if the ingredients were there "We could make a sex on the beach?" you suggested calmly "I love the taste of those"

Oscar felt a jolt go down his spine at the feeling of your chin on his shoulder and your breath near his ear. The hairs on his neck standing up at the contact "I think we should be able to, we have all the ingredients here, I guess" 

You smiled happily "If you grab the ingredients, 'll go grab the shaker and a new straw" 

You stand side by side with Oscar, the kitchen counter filled with an assortment of colorful ingredients. The air is filled with laughter as Oscar playfully nudges you with his elbow. 

“Okay, so what should we start with?” he asks, eyes twinkling with excitement.

You grab a bottle of orange juice, and some cranberry juice. “How about starting with these? They’re essential for a Sex on the Beach cocktail.”

Oscar grins, grabbing the shaker and some ice. “Absolutely! And we definitely need to add a little bit of this,” he says, holding up a bottle of vodka.

As you pour the orange juice into the shaker, Oscar’s fingers brush yours, sending a pleasant shiver down your spine. He adds the vodka with a flourish, spilling a bit on the counter, which makes both of you burst into giggles.

“Oops! Guess I’m a little too enthusiastic,” he chuckles, wiping it up with a towel.

You add just the right amount of cranberry juice, then pass him the shaker. “Your turn, mix master.”

Oscar dramatically rolls up his sleeves and starts shaking the ingredients, his exaggerated seriousness making you laugh even harder. “I take my cocktail-making very seriously,” he says with a mock stern face.

After a few minutes of shaking and playful banter, the cocktail is finally ready. You both pour the mixture into two glasses, garnishing them with an orange slice and a cherry. You clink your glasses together, eyes meeting over the rim.

“To our masterpiece!” Oscar declares.

“To our masterpiece,” you echo, taking a sip. The flavors burst on your tongue, a perfect blend of sweet, tangy, and fruity.

“This is amazing!” you exclaim, and Oscar’s face lights up with pride.

“We make a pretty good team,” he says, his smile warm and genuine.

As you both enjoy your drinks, the kitchen filled with your laughter and shared triumph, you can’t help but feel the around vibe around you grow a little more intimate, one cocktail at a time.

•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•

As the evening progresses, you find yourself in the living room with the group, playing a lively game of truth or dare. The room is comfortably cluttered with friends lounging in various spots. A few are sprawled out on the carpet, laughing and leaning against each other. Others are perched on chairs, while a couple of people, including you, are settled on the couch.

The atmosphere is incredibly enjoyable, a mix of playful teasing and shared laughter. George and Alex, seated on the floor, have already kissed for a dare, much to everyone's amusement. Max, from his seat on a chair, had to chug an entire beer in one go, eliciting cheers and applause. Kelly, sitting cross-legged on the carpet, shared an embarrassing experience, her cheeks turning pink as everyone laughed with her.

You glance around, feeling a warm sense of camaraderie. The game has been going on for a while, and each turn brings new surprises and more laughter.

Here's a refined version of the passage:

"Okay, Oscar, your turn," Max said, casting a curious glance at the Australian.

Oscar met the Dutch driver's gaze. "I'll go with truth," he decided after a moment's thought.

"Hmmm," Max began, leaning forward. "What's your biggest turn-on?" he asked with confidence.

Oscar's eyes briefly flicked towards you before he refocused on Max. "Well... I'm really into teasing," he admitted, running a hand through his wavy hair. "I like building up the tension for the real stuff. But I also can't resist a sensual massage," he added with a slight grin.

Kelly, seated next to you, shot you a knowing smirk upon hearing Oscar's response. "Well, well, look at that," she whispered teasingly "I think you remember that.. You know, for work purposes" she added with a wink.

You rolled your eyes and playfully nudged her shoulder. "Shut up, will you" you retorted.

"Lily, truth or dare?" Oscar interjected. When Lily chose dare, he grinned mischievously. "I dare you to read the last sexual text you sent Alex out loud."

Lily blushed but giggled. "Alright, fine," she agreed, glancing at Alex apologetically. She scrolled through her phone until she found the message. "Well, I sent him a picture, which I'm definitely not showing here. But the text said, 'Say my name when you come for me,'" she read aloud.

The group erupted in cheers and playful whistles, teasingly congratulating Alex. "Damn, you've hit the jackpot with her," you joked, nudging Alex's arm. "Not only is she gorgeous, but she's got skills with sexting too."

"Hey, why do you think I'm always in such a good mood" he joked back at you.

After the laughing had died down a bit, Lily looked around the room, pretending to decide who she would choose. Which was of course not necessary, since it was time for the plan...

"Alright, y/n, truth or dare?" Lily's mischievous grin focused on you.

"Dare," you replied, trying to sound confident despite the butterflies in your stomach. When it came to Lily, you could never predict what she had in mind, during games like these. 

Lily exchanged a knowing look with Kelly before turning back to you. "I dare you to give Oscar a lap dance."

Your heart skipped a beat as you glanced at Oscar, who looked both surprised and flushed, his cheeks turning a faint shade of pink. 

Taking a deep breath to steady yourself, you stood up and walked towards Oscar, who watched you with a mix of anticipation and a hint of disbelief. The room fell into a hushed silence, everyone waiting to see your next move.

"You sure you're okay with this?" you asked him softly, a small smile directed to him "100%" he replied, a small smile joining the blush on his face.

You leaned towards him, your voice barely above a whisper. "It's okay" you reassured him, feeling his nerves radiate beside you. "I've got this."

You knelt down in front of Oscar, catching his gaze. "I hope you're ready for this, Osc" you whispered softly, your hand brushing his cheek gently. There it was again, the nickname, that goddamned nickname made him feel things that he shouldn't.

Oscar's eyes widened slightly, his breath catching in his throat as you straddled him, feeling the warmth of his body beneath yours. Your movements were slow and deliberate, matching the rhythm of the music playing softly in the background. Each sway and grind sent a shiver down Oscar's spine, and he struggled to contain the building desire that threatened to overwhelm him. 

As the dance continued, Oscar felt himself growing hard, his body reacting instinctively to your closeness and the intimacy of the moment. He shifted uncomfortably, trying to discreetly adjust his position to hide his predicament, but the effort was futile. His cheeks burned with embarrassment as he prayed no one else noticed.

You could confidently state that you were very much enjoying the way you could feel his body betraying him. He's losing control and you knew it. The tightness in his jeans a clear indicator that his facade is crumbling to pieces. The calm and reserved Oscar Piastri, now a whimpering and flustered mess. It's almost like a challenge to you, trying to get him to snap.

He bit his lip, trying his hardest to hold back his moans, but occasionally a soft whimper escaped his lips, barely audible over the music. Only you could hear those little sounds, adding to the tension between you.

Finally, as the song came to an end, you leaned in close to Oscar's ear, your breath warm against his skin. "See? That wasn't so bad now, was it?" you murmured softly, planting a gentle kiss on his cheek before standing up and returning to your seat.

The room erupted into cheers and applause, everyone teasing and cheering for both of you. Oscar sat there, still slightly dazed but with a shy smile on his face, his admiration for you mixed with a feeling of desire that he couldn't quite shake. Stuck with the predicament in his trousers.

•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•

A few hours later, you found yourself laying on your bed, still thinking about the situation with Oscar. You wanted to check up on Oscar, wondering if he was not feeling awkward about it. His room was on the other side of the hallway, but you didn't wanna go there, since you were sure that everyone else was sleeping and you didn't want anyone waking up. But honestly, you wouldn't take the leap either if anyone was still awake, since you didn't want to give them the wrong impression. So you opted for a facetime call, something the two of you did very often when you weren't together. 

Oscar was currently laying in his bed as well, shirtless. Wearing nothing but his boxers. His once pale skin, now tanned from the sun, on display. He was in conflict with himself, he hadn't been able to get rid of the persisting hard on he had from the lap dance. He tried everything to get rid of it, from a cold shower, to thinking about the most disgusting things. Nothing seemed to help.  

"Screw it" he muttered softly as he moved glided his hand down his abdomen and inside of his boxers. His thoughts trailing back to the way your ass moved over hit clothed dick as he grabbed his member in his hand. He can't help but let out a small moan as he continues to work on himself, his hand moving in up and down strokes in a steady rhythm.

He can still imagine your lips on his cheek, it drives him absolutely wild. His breath is growing more and more erratic. Oscar imagines your small hands being the one to touch his dick "Oh god.. y/n.." he moans out softly, attempting to stay as quiet as possible. His heart racing with every filthy thought that raced through his mind, the feeling of his release already getting closer each stroke. 

His moment was cut short when he felt his phone vibrating on his night stand 'who would call him at this time?'  he wondered

he contemplated on ignoring the call, until he saw that it was you who was trying to call him. The slightest moan leaving his lips at the idea of hearing your voice. He took his phone from his nightstand, taking a deep breath before picking up. Hoping he could play of his flustered face to the alcohol he had consumed. 

"Hey Osc"he heard your voice echo through the phone, his hand still gliding over his cock, now in a slower and careful strokes. He tried to convince his brain to stop touching himself, but he simply couldn't, the sound of your voice too arousing.

"Hi" he mumbled softly, biting his lip to stiffle his moan. Oscar was rock hard and pre-come was already leaking from the tip. It was embarrassing at how close he already was.

You saw the flushed cheeks on his face, but didn't think much "I just wanted to check on you... I hope you I didn't make you uncomfortable earlier with the dare. I had no idea they were going to ask me to do that." you said softly, the soft vibrations of your voice immediately traveling to Oscar's throbbing dick. 

"Hey, it's okay" Oscar's expression softened, his eyes filled with warmth as he looked at your face on his screen "And to answer your question... yes, I did enjoy it." he replied, a small smirk growing on his face.

Your heart skipped a beat at his admission, a mix of relief and something more flooding through you. "Really?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. 

"Yeah," Oscar nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Probably more than I should have." 

Oscar's fingers wrap tighter around the base of his cock, a whine threatening to escape when he starts to move his hand a little faster now. He tried his utter best to hide what he was doing during your call. He knew it was unethical, but he couldn't help himself. You made him so incredibly turned on that it almost hurt. He studies your face on his screen so intently, that he didn't even notice the moan and the soft 'fuck' that left his lips.

You felt a rush of emotions at his words, knowing there was something unspoken between you both. "I'm glad," you replied softly, unable to hide the smile that spread across your face.

"Good" he said, his voice no more than a hoarse whisper as he felt his release getting closer and closer. Oscar's breath was ragged now and heat clings to his arms, skin burning with want as he imagines your lips around his cock. He was so incredibly aroused, hot pressure rising in his dick. 

"Osc?" oh fuck, not that nickname again, pretty sure he would be able to cum with you saying his name like that over and over again.

He works over himself, hand shaking with every twist of his wrist and it’s getting him so close, he has to slow down a little "Yeah?" he pretty much moaned out. His attempt to hide the fact that he was jerking off, failing miserably.

Oscar was jerking himself desperately now, his hand moving a erratically. He was so incredibly close, another groan threatening to slip. Still completely unaware that you had already catched on to the fact that he was pleasuring himself, until he suddenly heard you speak up.

"Come for me, Osc" 

So he did. It didn't take long. Not even two desperate strokes later, his entire body started twitching and he felt a shock wave traveling through his body. The utmost erotic sound escaped his lips "Ah... fuck... y/n" he groaned as his release washed over him, his cum spilling all over his own hand and abdomen.

After the last wave had passed, Oscar tried to catch his breath, meanwhile carefully slowing down the rhythm of his movements "Fuck, that was so hot.." he breathed

previous part | next part

[k-tarotz]

Would You Have A Chance With Your Celebrity Crush? | PAC

Pile One Pile Two Pile Three

Pile Four Pile Five Pile Six

have you ever wondered about whether or not you could pull your celebrity crush? like would you be able to do it? well I am here to tell you if you could or not! it can be an alive person.. or not. someone that lived recently… or not. it’s fully your business! please just keep in mind that this is for fun, it’s absolutely not the set in stone truth and the outcome can definitely change overnight for so many reasons. look at this as the current energy beautiful sweetheart 🫶🏻 having a crush on a celebrity is ok, it’s the unhealthy boundaries that are not, please remember that!

🫐 paid readings

disclaimer: this is a reading made for fun, if you take it seriously don’t participate in it. this includes both if you genuinely believe this is a sign or could impact your mental health in a negative way and/or if you are allergic to joy and fun. period.

Pile One

would you have a chance with your celebrity crush?

🎲 : two of swords reversed, queen of wands reversed, the empress, the emperor

YOU LIKE OLDER PEOPLE 🫵🏻 I am joking, of course, but this is definitely an age gap relationship. You could be older too, but the majority of people choosing this pile is younger! So if that’s not your thing, you can choose another pile if you wish to 🫶🏻

Although, I would like to state that for some of you this age gap is under 10, you are just self conscious about it because it’s not something that you are necessarily used to.

If you are an adult over 20 the answer is: Yes! Yes you would. Not because of your age of course, but you are literally their perfect match. Come on, you got the Empress next to the Emperor! Personally, I never get these two together from what I can remember so in my eyes this is INCREDIBLE!!! Do you know the song “can somebody match my freak, somebody with a freak technique?” that’s you two. I do not think you are freaks though lol This pile radiates a very wholesome and cute energy, some of you classy even for sure. A very beautiful energy. It’s like those couples in movies you see that just seem perfect for one another and it feels weird to see them not with each other. Like Marshall and Lily, or Gloria and Jay! It’s like people don’t expect you two work together but you do, better than some couples who look like they were made for one another. It’s very cute in my eyes for sure 💔

If you are a minor, there are two possibilities so please choose whichever fits you.

If you are significantly younger: NO. I am (not) sorry to tell you this, but your celebrity crush is not a creep. Matter of fact, I can feel their energy being disgusted at the thought of dating a minor/someone much younger than them. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely gross adults who are attracted to minors. It’s just not them. They are attracted to people their age and older than them. [If you are in your early twenties crushing on a grown adult like 40+ years they could possibly hate the idea of dating someone significantly younger due to having a relative around your age, which makes seeing you as a child.]

If you are younger only by 2-3 years: NO. At least, not yet. Say you are 16 and they are 18. Right now? Hell no. When they are 24 and you are like 22? Sure, they don’t care. It’s the mental state you two are in, and the life experiences, you know? It’s important to them. They do think a 2 year age gap is important in childhood, not necessarily in adulthood.

what causes this outcome?

🎲 : queen of pentacles, ten of coins, queen of coins, four of coins

if you got a yes - you! you cause this outcome! you are wonderful, so they just can’t help but fall for you. they are magnetically pulled to you because of how attractive and interesting they find you.

if you got a no - I think it’s pretty clear but they look at you as a child. they are the kind of person who likes to protect children from harm, not put them in danger.

channeled song: teacher’s pet - melanie martinez (I do not like her, it’s just your energy)

things that might be relevant: snow white (?), darari - treasure, ‘cutie patootie’, pink plush (a pig?), silly cat plushies / figures, japan scenery, one in a billion - enhypen (someone here likes heeseung lol), butterflies (yellow and white), religious, 00s rnb, nose sensitivity (nosebleeds, hay fever ect), midnight train to georgia (?), purity, coloured rose petals 🥴🫶🏻🧚🏻‍♂️🧚‍♀️🪽🌺☃️

Pile Two

would you have a chance with your celebrity crush?

🎲 : eight of pentacles reversed, king of wands reversed, the queen of swords reversed, the chariot side ways under the kow & qos

No, but there doesn’t seem to be a negative energy here. You are just not their kind of person. Not their romantic type, not their ‘friend type’. Rather than this being malicious, it’s disinterested. Definitely not private, but they don’t seem to be interested in a connection with you. I am sorry that sounds harsh, but there is really not much to it.

I wish I could make this as long as pile two’s, but their energy genuinely seems disinterested. As if their higher self doesn’t even care to elaborate. It’s like they have better things to focus on in life? They don’t seem too interested in romance as a whole. Rather tired and exhausted, and just want to focus on work. I am definitely not saying this is healthy though, because something here seems to impact their social life quite a lot.

Yet, they still seem very very kind, it’s like they aren’t interested in romance but if you approach them in a friendly manner they will make sure to be kind to you even if they might be a bit awkward. In a very charming way though. They will make sure you are comfortable and feel safe though.

Their energy is not malicious or mean by any chance, I think my explanation was just a bit too straightforward. They genuinely seem like such a sweetheart, with a bit of sadness surrounding them. That can definitely impact them currently, as it seems like a constant thing in regards of their mood as of now. I hope they can heal, truly. 🫶🏻

what causes this outcome?

🎲 : judgement, six of pentacles, the moon, seven of swords, ace of swords reversed, the lovers

Multiple reasons! However, you need to take only what resonates and what you think is right. One of the reasons is; that you are simply not their type. They don’t want to waste your time and get your hopes up high, that would be like playing with your feelings. Which they definitely not want to do at all.

However, that’s only halfish of the pile. The rest.. Your celebrity crush is simply not interested in romantic or sexual relations. They are aro, ace or aroace. Of course, aroace means little to no interest in romantic and sexual relationships, but theirs pull towards no. In order for this to “change” they have to like you a lot. Which is not impossible, but that’s like three people in this pile only. That’s why I didn’t feel the need to put a yes in the previous section.

channeled song: around the world - ATC

things that might be relevant: mr chu by apink, ph balance lipstick, bows in hair, white sweater, cherry pie, phone case, weird phonecases (?), gel nail art, ‘don’t you know how sweet it tastes’, edits on tiktok, puppies, upset, mascara (mot waterproof), colours brown and beige, gem stones, angel aesthetic ☪️✝️↪️📯🛍️🪭

Pile Three

would you have a chance with your celebrity crush?

🎲 : ace of cups, knight of swords reversed, two of swords side ways, nine of coins reversed, justice reversed

Yes, but only because they are sexually attracted to you, quite a lot. It’s like, they wouldn’t mind to date you but they definitely wouldn’t expect it to be a long lasting relationship.

It definitely doesn’t seem like a lovely dovey crush like feeling. Rather one where they could be very attracted to your body. If you are not the same race/ethnicity, that definitely ads to it. Though it doesn’t seem like they would be sad if you reject them, they would respect your wishes and move on, they aren’t a forceful type of person. If one night stands are not your thing they can definitely respect that.

It’s not like they are an asshole but I do assume their preferences in regards of sexual and romantic relationships highly differ from yours. It’s like you are cute, lovely and they find you lovable but more in a friendly manner in a way they adore you. The sexual attraction is just something they cannot deny.

what causes this outcome?

🎲 : the devil, the moon, ace of swords, knight of wands

I will be honest with you sweetheart, they like their youth and that they can get whoever they want. Of course, that’s not true. However in their mind they can, because they know how to use their charm to the max and don’t take failures to the heart but rather as a way to acknowledge differences. “ No hard feelings “ definitely describes them very well.

They prefer to be single and rather get rid of their sexual urges whenever they can with people that are similar minded to them… Basically, hook up culture. Not a player, definitely bit of a pervert though.

channeled song: party for the night - gray / drive - jay park ft gray

things that might be relevant: panda, teddy bear, laugh (you might like theirs), wanda vision, the colour red, sharks, blue, kcon, fan service, video calls, stickers, dyi, disappointed (as in, someone in this pile could be disappointed), acrylic paint 🧊🍿🍷🌟❄️🌈

Pile Four

would you have a chance with your celebrity crush?

🎲 : ten of cups, the lovers, judgement, the world, eight of cups reversed, knight of cups

Yes, because they are a family oriented person! They definitely want to get married to the love of their life, their soulmate. Someone who has the same goal as them and can see where their desires are coming from. They don’t see any desire in short relationships or giving their time, body, attention and love to someone that they don’t think deserves it. Someone that only likes shallow relationships or ones without a stable foundation are not for this person. They want someone incredibly committed and loyal who knows what they want. I also do believe that putting family before anything is important to them. As in, the one they create with their chosen one. Nothing is more important to them, so with that heart they wouldn’t like to be with someone that puts work before their family. I would use the word hate, but that might be too much, although at times they do feel that way.

Either way, they judge each of their romantic interests based on their standards. If they notice that their goals don’t align with one another’s they immediately lose interest. It’s the feeling of “I would rather wait lifetimes than be with someone that doesn’t truly love and value me” sort of mindset. Good for them tbh, slay

what causes this outcome?

🎲 : justice reversed, nine of coins reversed, the hierophant reversed, ten of swords

Well, I will be honest here. Some of you downright force yourselves to have the same life goals as your celebrity crush. “ If ____ asks me to I will do it willingly!!! “. The thing is though, you know that’s not the life style you want, but you would still force yourself to be happy and content with it just because you love your person too much. That’s why it would work out, because of your consistent effort. It’s not really worth it tho, don’t give yourself up for anybody, you are worth much more.

That’s only for SOME people reading it. If the shoe doesn’t fit you, don’t wear it. Majority of people who chose this pile have the exact same mindset and would make an insanely lovely couple with their chosen one! You also seem to have the same mindset, hobbies, interests and appreciation for things in life. Honestly very compatible! You could possibly have zodiac signs that are also a good pair.

channeled song: brought the heat back - enhypen

things that might be relevant: golfing, heart and stars, xoxo (hugs and kisses), the colour red, giggles, vampire fangs, little ducklings, bunnies, flowers, cafes, crystal clear water, ice, oranges, animals, birds, teardrop, lock, fan 🥛🍼🩰🎸⛸️🛩️

Pile Five

would you have a chance with your celebrity crush?

🎲 : the hermit reversed, two of cups justice, the wheel of fortune reversed, justice

No, you two are simply way too different from one another. Which I believe, you are aware of too. Surprisingly though, you are not the one that would be rejected. You would reject your celebrity crush because I do believe that if you were to know their true nature you would be turned off. So if they make their moves on you; you would just not care and walk away.

Slay, value yourself pretty sweetheart 🫶🏻

what causes this outcome?

🎲 : queen of cups, three, temperance reversed, six of cups reversed

As I have mentioned already, it’s definitely you being turned off by them, getting the ick. Their real personality could very much heavily be different from what they present themselves to be which would make you lose all interest in them for sure. Not because of the person they are, but you must definitely hate lying and people who put on a fake persona. Although, you don’t find their real personality charming as well? They could for sure enjoy flirting with people and making as many experiences as possible, which is not like you. I don’t feel heavy judgement from you, but your energy feels like ‘if I would have known the true you then I wouldn’t have wasted time/energy’ you know? It’s like you are polar opposites.. Two different ends of two different coins. They could also like alcohol more than necessary, which could be a huge no for some people in this pile due to bad experiences in the past. Which is a completely valid point! 🫶🏻

channeled song: million dollar baby - tommy richman

things that might be relevant: trillion, beauty spots, red nails (navy blue & baby blue.. some whites & glitter?), hair strokes (pda), naps, heavy metal (?), broken glass, transparent vases, rubik’s cube, franz kafka (the author), calligraphy pen 🌃☎️⏳🔭📈💥

Pile Six

would you have a chance with your celebrity crush?

🎲 : justice, eight of swords, ace of cups, the lovers

Yes, and you better believe it! Okay, wow, that sounds a bit bad, but I mean it. If you were in a situation where you two were to spend time together, you would have a chance, your romance would just be slow burn. Which, I think is perfectly alright! Although, it might make you a bit sad at first, perhaps more insecure although there is nothing you need to be insecure about. You are beautiful from inside and out!

It’s like you guys would be friends, then sexual attraction would set in and then y’all would be having romantic feelings for one another. The sort of relationship where y’all sleep together, so now you guys are automatically dating lol It’s very sweet and pure, really.

what causes this outcome?

🎲 : five of wands, two of wands reversed, the emperor, six of coins

They are simply not the sort of person to rush into any kind of relationship! Not even when having crushes, they rather would become friends with them to see the type of person they are before making moves. They would also only make moves if they can see that the feelings are mutual, so honestly they are just a rather careful person.

Your feelings would be there from the start while theirs would slowly develop, ya know? It’s like you fell first, they fell harder.

That’s for sure 1000%

Your charms got to them, not just a bit. They like how intense your emotions can get, and how cute you are. They like it because you don’t try to be cute, but rather you just naturally are cute. It’s certainly very adorable to them, it makes them more interested in you. Bit by bit they would fall for you. (Or rather walk in love, they are in no rush.)

channeled song: perfect - ed sheeran

things that might be relevant: potatoes (??), vines, 2nd gen ggs, ‘yayaya’ (x.o by enha / cake by the ocean - joe jonas), pastry, slice of life anime, tiramisu (cake~ tiramisu cake~), red ribbons / red string of fate, black choker, ‘hallelujah’ (like the song), horror movies, starry nights, camping, E, Anne with an e, attack on titan, the sun ♌️⚽️🎟️🏅🗽🏖️

💭 This was fun to make but also a bit challenging 💔 Regardless, I hope everyone enjoyed it, even if they didn’t necessarily liked their result.

– Candy 🍬

[jaemotion]

blitzed | lmh (teaser)

pairing⇢ mark lee x reader

summary ⇢ finding Mark was always easy for you — which makes you his friends' last resort whenever they need him back.

genre/au ⇢ angst, smut, uh best friends ig?

rating & word count ⇢ 18+ | 0.6k

warnings ⇢ swearing, pining, drug use, high sex, allusions to mental health struggles, they’re kinda toxic ngl (more specific ones will be added in the full fic)

a/n: i couldn't finish the fic by the end of his birthday so i figured a teaser will do since it's been sitting in my drafts since March 💀. happiest 25th to the loml, my markie, my minhyung 🥺 we've been together for 9 years now? (he was one of the three rookies i picked from the SM rookie app 😌)

you hear a familiar giggle after opening the door.

sighing in relief, you should've thought of looking for Mark here right away. it's one of the secluded ones in this lounge that he and his friends frequented during their free time. mostly him cause his younger bros prefer staying in the main area where the consoles are. honestly, it's essentially a game room because of the other recreational amenities like billiard tables, etc.

your favourite actually, that's why you visit here a lot but that's mainly because you're also Mark's best friend.

he tends to stay in this room when he needs to be alone. just chilling around surrounded by his favourite things. being those colourful tablets on the small table beside him and apparently, you.

“hi baby~” he calls to you from the small mattress he’s lying on. he giggles after, arms splaying around when he sees the scowl on your face at seeing his current predicament.

you've gotten used to Mark calling you this petname though you haven't heard him call you that when he's sober. you stare at his form from where you’re standing, gaze switching between him and a couple of mollies. those smileys carved in each of the assorted candies further annoyed you for many reasons.

because it seems like they're taunting you.

he’s done this a million times before, sneaking out to take a breather when he’s going through something. you and his friends never bother him when it happens but it’s uncharacteristic for him to do this, getting high at this time of day so it must’ve been different.

“what the hell mark?!” you yell whispering instead of actually using your voice at him to not bring his friends’ attention from the main room. it’s already telling when Renjun asks you specifically to look for him when he usually does it himself.

“relax, i didn’t take a lot” he states, surprisingly sounding sober despite looking fried. you’re damn worried about him but instead, he’s out here biting his right pointer finger as he looks at you with those heavy lidded eyes.

“still..” you look away because of their intensity and then he starts giggling again, probably finding amusement in your reactions.

“mark what’s going on?” you prod, not wasting any more time. you already did by searching for him in other places even knowing that this is what he considered his safest.

you wait for Mark to answer because sometimes he takes a while especially when he's like this. fortunately for him, you’re the type to help in any way that you can.

hence why you tolerate Mark’s antics, taking whatever he can give you at the moment.

“don’t wanna talk about it” he quips, his arm that was lying above his head coming down to grab your wrist.

“then what do you want?”

“you” he says with serious intent, thumb rubbing around your inner wrist in a coaxing manner which prompts your eyes to return to him.

he's not looking at you though, his eyes seem so fascinated as his thumb continues circling your skin. if he’s being honest, Mark just doesn’t want to face a possible rejection from you.

he could take it like a man should but not right now. not when everything’s been going to shit for him. he can’t fuck up things with you too but he might’ve already by stupidly blurting out what’s been on his mind lately.

“me how?”

you actually knew what Mark was asking but it’s not often he’s like this, flogged up his mind to stop himself from being vulnerable around you. besides, you’ve wanted to pry him off to whatever he just had so you’ll entertain this specific request of his.

like you always do.

“on me” he whispers before bursting out in another fit of laughter. he may look disoriented but the sincerity in his eyes never wavers each time he looks at you.

© jaemotion 2024. do not copy or repost.

[googledetective]

my thoughts about the new drdt episode...

I want to start off that this episode has not left me in a great mental state and this piece of fiction is starting to effect my reality in a negative way, currently. I do suffer from mental health issues, so please be sympathetic. If something I say seems too emotional or a bit off, that's likely why. My therapist will be hearing about drdt, lol. No hate towards drdt, it's an amazing project, and I'm amazed at how the piece of fiction is able to make me react in such a way.

1. I am not educated on ASPD or anything like that, so if I say something wrong feel free to correct me. I had a feeling that Levi likely had it from his secret, but this is a cool confirmation. I like that this is represented in a really great way, and that the reactions to his confessions are also very realistic. I like Levi a lot, but now I understand him so much more, and it makes me really appreciate him.

2. I find it interesting how Levi is so detached, as Veronika said, to everything. Even if I was not capable of remorse, I would've remembered killing my own father. I wonder what his father did to be so looked down upon.

2.5. OKAY SO HES KINDA JUST LIKE ME FR. like I stated previously I've had some bad mental health issues in the past to the point I've kicked windshields of cars in and attacked people. It is not my proudest moment, but holy shit I can relate to this a lot. It makes me so good to see someone who's done shit like I've done who's trying to change.

3. Ace really did care about Levi and considered him a friend, which warmed and broke my heart at the same time. I really hope Ace finds another friend, because he deserves to feel some comfort and joy. I hope he learns about Levi's ASPD and realizes Levi has no malicious intent towards him. I find it nice that Ace did really trust and look up to Levi though, it proves him capable of friendship and deeper feelings that people usually overlook. Great complex character.

4. I was shocked that Levi sided with David, but honestly I do too. David is a good person, and we see that later in the ep where he doesn't tell Eden what Arei said.

5. J CALLED OUT HU??? UNEXPECTED. called her a stupid argument moderator. Interesting. I love you J, but watch it.

6. Veronika's secret isn't the worst thing she's ever done- interesting. I think it could be the thing she's the most ashamed of, but you never know. It really breaks my heart for Hu, and I hope we get a backstory on her soon.

I'm coming back after point 14 and adding this: these secrets don't seem to be any of the worst things they've ever done, nor relevant to the killing game (besides "Xander's"). These secrets are personal. I think they each have worse secrets but they are too related to the killing game so they couldn't give those out.

7. Excuse you, David. Freaky ass.

8. that is NOT Teruko's secret 😭😭😭

9. This is seriously rich coming from J, as she usually escalates the situation.

10. Eden's monologue broke my heart. I am so glad David lied to her at the end, or I think Eden's heart would've been broken. This just makes me so sad.

11. "That maybe there would be a world in which we would be friends." I'm sure there would be, since your fans have created worlds that you're dating her.

12. Arei needs to genuinely shut up. This is where I get very upset and irrational. I am so fucking mad at Arei for lying to Eden. For the rest of Eden's life she's going to be wondering what she could've done or if her friendship was enough. Why the fuck would you lie and say you believed you could change, only to come back and admit you know you can't. My heart breaks for Arei though, because I believe she could've changed. This especially makes me so upset because as a previously bad person who relates to Arei and tries to change, I feel like I'm going to give up hope to do so too. Obviously I gotta overpower and not let fiction effect my reality, but it really hurts.

13. Arei's worldview that nobody is a good person mirrors David's (though David excludes Xander). Makes me really sad. I can hope, but there's really no hope left.

14. Well we know who attacked Xander (what the actual fuck). I hope we learn how that ties in later. Eden's hidden quote, "you can never go back, no matter how hard you try." maybe it's referring to this incident instead of the situationship with her friends in the past.

15. Love this.

16. WE HAD A JRUKO MOMENT!!! So happy about this!!!

17. Why the actual fuck does Whit know so much about how that hanging mechanism would work. You're making yourself look so suspicious. High and low were highlighted, which was interesting.

18. Whit said this murder would've been hard if Arei wasn't a willing victim. If she was, this just makes this case even more tragic. She may have convinced herself to give up hope and cooperated with the killer, which pains me a lot. I think this was due to David's secret.

19. I love the carousel bit! And the banter between Arturo and Whit. They had banter last trial too, so that's a continuation. Maybe they'll have a confrontation in the future.

20. NICO FUCKED BRO

21. At this point my only logical conclusion of who I think the killer could be is J.

22. Everyone is bringing up Ace's friend- Taylor! It's seriously throwing me for a loop bc that's my name!

ENDING:

To clarify, I think it's sad that Arei believes she can't change and even started doubting Eden.

[jellyrabbitz]

𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓲𝓯𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓦𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓔𝓶𝓸𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼

Don't ever suppress your feelings in the name of the law of assumption or attraction.

Contrary to popular belief, feelings do not manifest; if you get sad over something and spiral for a little, that doesn't mean you're going to somehow attract more misery into your life, or that your manifestations will instantly fall apart.

Allow yourself to process your emotions. You don't have to remain in a happy or fulfilled state at all times to manifest. Many of you in this community seem to think you have to keep your 'mental diet' in check, but I don't believe it's necessary. Forcing yourself to think only positive and happy thoughts 24/7 is exhausting, isn't it? When I first joined this community, all it did was burn me out. I even began to experience lower back and hip pain because of how much I held in. Often I found myself thinking, "Why do I still feel so miserable even though I've supposedly been doing everything right?"

It's because shoving down your frustration and agony only riles it up more until it rears back up angrier and gnarlier than before, like a nasty untamed beast.

Don't be like me and simply let the emotions roll over you instead of fighting them. They're gone much quicker when you allow them to come.

Look, your manifestations will come regardless of how you feel. Think of it this way, you might get pissed over how long it's taking your package to arrive, but it's still on its way to you. So let it all out because there is nothing to worry about, you aren't going to ruin your 'package' just with some silly emotions. Seriously, don't listen to whoever came up with the whole 'negative emotions ruins your manifestation' bs.

Besides, 'perfect' people have their bad days as well. I see some coaches saying, "if you were your desired self, would they be having this negative thought?" Yeah, she might actually, because she's still a human being and not some unreachable goddess without emotions. Even people with their dream lives have negative thoughts just like anyone else. This idea that our 'ideal selves' have no negative thoughts or emotions EVER feels ridiculous to me.

Let's face it, it's normal for a lot of us in this community to feel discouraged. Trust me, I get it, it may look like nothing is going your way and this is all pointless. You might check the 3D and wilt when you realize nothing seems to have changed. There's nothing wrong with that! Checking the 3D is a normal thing for us to do-just like checking if our package is on the way-and I honestly think 'ignore the 3D' or 'the 3D isn't real' is harmful advice.

The way I like to see it is that the 3D is merely a reflection of my old and shitty thoughts that isn't permanent, and whenever I manifest it's like I'm planting a seed.

Instead of trying to force yourself to believe your 3D is perfect now, (which is extremely difficult for those of us who have terrible circumstances and can also be bad for your mental health) it may be better to acknowledge your current situation but know that it's changing.

I'd like to give an example from my own life, since I know my wording may seem confusing to some. A few weeks ago I received the news that my uncle was bound to die very soon, and they were putting him on a ventilator. Obviously I was upset after hearing this, and I allowed myself to wallow in sadness for a few minutes. Everyone around me was convinced he wouldn't make it.

Although I was miserable, I still persisted in the thought that he would pull through. I didn't even do any of my usual methods such as scripting and just told myself, "I know he will make it."

A few days later my aunt called me overjoyed. The hospital suddenly switched up and said he wasn't doing as bad as they thought, and he wouldn't even need the ventilator!

See? I still manifested even while I was sad, even while I had doubts, and he made it through. This is only one example of many.

You can manifest while feeling any emotion, even the acrid ones that feel like they're eating you up inside. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[theedoctorb]

Dungeons & Dragons Content Creators Summit and Being a Corporate "Shill"

I was invited to attend the Dungeon & Dragons (D&D) Creator Summit in early April, and I happily accepted. I initially wasn’t going to publicly say anything about attending because I didn’t see any need. However, in the last week, numerous conversations on various internet platforms have both tacitly and overtly accused anyone in attendance of being a Wizards of the Coast (WotC) “shill” or “clout chaser” who will agree with anything WotC says because they:

Paid for attendees’ travel.

Included a per diem to cover meals and incidentals while traveling.

Have given past promotional materials to many of the people in attendance.

May offer us further financial opportunities in exchange for refusing to challenge currently proposed ideas and materials.  

This is not only reductive, but further divides a community still reeling in the wake of the recent uproar over the leaked, proposed Open Gaming License (OGL) revisions which resulted in targeted harassment of individual studio employees and content creators, especially those of marginalized identities, despite the fact that most of those who were harassed had no authority over the business decisions which caused the initial uproar.

What is a Summit?

Summits are opportunities to have open dialogues and share opinions towards a common goal. They’re common in academia and politics. Good summits are about synthesizing new ideas and challenging old ones. They’re often heavily structured and moderated with specific strategic goals, and the good ones deliberately invite people with vastly different perspectives on a topic.

To put it mildly, summits aren’t something to organize if you want people to pat you on the head and tell you that you’re doing just great! They’re often extremely heated because people passionately and vehemently advocate for their perspectives and priorities which may be in direct opposition to others’.  

What’s different about this summit is that it ostensibly possesses a level of transparency which I haven’t experienced before. Summits are often closed-door conversations, so that the people in attendance can speak candidly about topics or strategies currently in the planning stages. 

My invitation email specifically stated that the goals of the D&D Content Creator Summit are:

To gather feedback on how the D&D team can improve the experience of making D&D content.

To gather feedback on upcoming products such as the D&D Rules Update and D&D VTT.

For content creators to have more opportunities to interact with D&D staff in-person.

The email invitation specifically stated that this summit is based on consistent feedback WotC has gathered since PAX Unplugged 2022, and that this is a “first step.” Additionally, no one in attendance will be expected to create any content regarding the summit, WotC will not be taking any footage, photos, or recordings of the summit for any purpose, and any information shared with attendees may be shared with the community. That last part is notable, because it means that people in attendance – all of whom have platforms of varying sizes – can frankly offer feedback now and in the future on what is discussed, as well as how D&D incorporates the feedback.

Who is Going? Why Were They Invited?

I don’t fully know who is going.  I also don’t know why certain people were invited and others weren’t. No one I know of – outside the organizers and those who helped them – does, and anyone else is likely acting on various degrees of speculation. I strongly suspect questions about inclusion and exclusion criteria will be some of the first things asked at the summit. I’m especially curious about this criteria, given that content creation isn’t my primary job – consultation and education on mental health are, though that role sometimes extends to matters of content creation.  

Some creators announced their attendance publicly out of excitement at being included or with the intent of gathering questions from their communities. Some creators kept their attendance privately known only among industry members and friends. Of those I know who have kept their attendance private, the fear of being the target of harassment is a commonly cited reason, but an even more common reason was a desire to attend and push for change. 

Many of the people I know who plan on attending are staunch advocates for various topics such as inclusion, accessibility, and representation of marginalized individuals in D&D and other tabletop roleplaying games (TTRPGs). Some of them have directly consulted with WotC before and offered frank feedback as part of their consultant role. Other attendees built their platforms on advocacy and haven’t been shy about calling out perceived missteps. In short, they’re not people who are afraid to voice their opinions.

It’s worth noting that – of the attendees I know – nearly every single one is marginalized in one or multiple ways, whether it’s ethnicity, gender identity, orientation, neurotype, medical/disability status, or a variety of other identities. Nevertheless, who is and who isn’t in attendance is absolutely worth noting, once we have all the facts. Who has a seat at the table is always poignant and important feedback.  

Isn’t Your Objectivity Compromised by Receiving Compensation for Attendance? Coercive Rewards and Role Clarity

Some of the online discourse supposes that those of us in attendance will kowtow to WotC’s efforts because they paid for travel, offered a per diem, and many of us have received promotional materials in the past on which we’ve built content. Is that true? Is our objectivity compromised? Probably not, and here’s why. In the psychology field, there are two concepts we talk about frequently: coercive rewards and role clarity. Coercive rewards are often discussed in terms of psychology research. Participants in research are generally compensated in some way for their participation, but the compensation cannot be so great as to compel or coerce them into saying yes when they might otherwise refuse. To give some perspective on the level of compensation, I live in the same geographical region as WotC headquarters, so travel costs aren’t covered for me. I am still receiving a per diem for food and incidentals during the summit. However, I’m taking two days away from both my day job and my private practice. While I can reschedule some of my clients, I won’t be able to reschedule all of them, so I’m going to end up losing money by attending, and I’ll have to make up other work at my day job. To put it bluntly, per diem and travel costs (if I were traveling), and occasional promotional material are not enough to coerce an endorsement from me, especially if I think something is actively harmful and the goal of the summit is to offer critical feedback. 

Instead, my attendance is driven by my love of the D&D community, what it’s meant to me, and my desire to help improve that community and help it thrive by bringing as many people to the table as possible. Most of the people I know planning to attend are in similar situations and of similar mindsets – taking time off from work and essentially losing money because the goals of this summit are important to them. The travel compensation and per diem simply help to minimize losses for some people.

One summit attendee I spoke with noted that there is also an equity issue at play. Without offering compensation for travel and a per diem, it limits attendance to those of a certain socioeconomic level. That negates the possibility of wider community feedback. Also, how many memes and Twitter threads exist about creators being “paid” in exposure? Offering compensation hints to me that WotC takes this feedback seriously and is willing to treat everyone in attendance like a professional.  

Beyond pure dollars and cents, many of the summit attendees are either immunocompromised or have family members who are. They are literally taking health risks to attend because they believe in the purpose of this summit and improving the D&D community as a whole. If that’s not a sign of how dedicated some of the attendees are to improving the community, then I don’t know what is. Now let’s talk about role clarity. There are a lot of different jobs in psychology, just like there are in games and content creation. In psychology, a person might be a therapist, evaluator, expert witness, consultant, teacher, researcher, or any number of other roles. To perform any of these roles effectively, they must be crystal clear on what that role entails and what is outside its scope. It’s the same thing here with the summit. Based on the invitation email, it seems that the role is similar to one of a consultant – to critically evaluate what is presented and offer feedback based on one’s experience and expertise. Thankfully, this is a role in which many of the attendees I know have a wealth of experience.

Some readers might retort with, “But you might get other jobs by being there!” Yes. Yes, we might. This is a professional invitation with an expected, professional role, and if we perform that role well, we might get future professional opportunities. That’s what should happen when one performs their job well, and it should be true regardless of the industry and context. However, the reality is that those jobs are both hypothetical and not likely to happen overnight. It's more likely that these jobs would be one-off consultations, collaborations, or the like. 

While jobs like that are appreciated and welcome, they are not steady employment. Summits are not generally real-life versions of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory whereby the one attendee who is most skilled and virtuous will be given control of WotC. Anyone who plans on attending with the fantasy that they will be instantly rewarded with their dream job is probably going to be disappointed.    

Is This Summit Solely to Do Public Relations Damage Control?

Ignoring the fact that a lot of the people attending this summit are generous with their opinions, for good or ill, some in the community have asserted that the D&D Content Creator Summit is simply WotC’s attempt to repair damage to the D&D brand in the wake of the bad business decisions during the recent OGL controversy. Events like this summit take a long time to organize, so I actually believe the email I received when they said that this is based on feedback they’ve received from as far back as late November/early December 2022.

At the same time, WotC would be foolish to avoid using this as a step towards what they pledged they would do at the tail-end of the OGL controversy: obtain and incorporate direct, community feedback. After all, the ability to follow through on proposed behavior changes is what we want when we have problems with people and companies, right? If the goal is to simply do damage control after a public relations nightmare, inviting a bunch of opinionated people with platforms to give feedback isn’t great if one doesn’t intend to actually listen. 

No one attending has forgotten the OGL situation, regardless of where they stood on it. If WotC is doing things well, they’ll learn that from the feedback. If WotC is going in a direction that irks folks at the summit, they’re going to learn that too, and if it’s the latter, that’s not going to help WotC, because the folks in attendance have platforms and haven’t signed any non-disclosure agreements.

Final Thoughts

All in all, what is the D&D Content Creator Summit going to be, and what is going to come out of it? I don’t know. I don’t think anyone does. 

Much like in D&D, we can’t know the outcome of things before the action. That said, there are going to be a lot of talented, caring, observant, insightful content creators present asking hard questions and offering critical feedback. Content creators, especially advocates like those I know are going, work damn hard to produce what they do, and it cheapens their hard work, especially the advocacy work, to call them corporate shills and assume that they’re going to agree with anything presented. Agreement isn’t the assignment. Neither is the assignment for us to listen to WotC. The assignment is for WotC to listen to us.

If we want to see change from people and companies, we have to be willing to note when they take steps to change, even if it’s just the first step. That’s not to say we can’t be critical at the same time. We should be critical, in fact, but critical isn’t the same as unyielding vitriol, universal condemnation, and us-versus-them. Critical means noting both mistakes and successes and pushing for constant improvement. No person or company is going to go from badly messing up to doing everything perfectly. 

As far as I know, WotC is trying something new with this summit, and it represents a shift in how they produce their products. I don’t know if it’s going to lead to sustained changes, but I’m willing to see if it does. I hope it does. More than that, I hope it’s exactly what they said it is: the “first step” in a new strategy of involving the community. My biggest fear is that if they see overwhelming, unflinching condemnation of anything they attempt, especially when it’s violence and threats from the community they’re trying to get input from, then they may stop trying to engage at all, and then we’re left with only anger and unfulfilled hopes. 

[drdemonprince]

I recently finished reading your book Unlearning Shame, and I absolutely loved it. I found the conceptual framework of Internalized Shame and your techniques for it so very helpful, especially when most ideas of mental health (anxiety and depression, trauma, etc.) have seemed insufficient and useless to me.

However, there was one thing that kind of bugged me the whole way through reading it. Your primary focus was the shame people face as part of marginalization, but often, this too felt insufficient for me. Like, I do face a lot of this flavor of shame: I'm an autistic trans woman, feeling like I'm cringey or childish or creepy or obscene or whatever are things that bug me daily, and restrict a lot of my freedom.

However, a lot of the shame I deal with stems from some kind of awful things I've done in the past, and this is perhaps the loneliest and most difficult kind of shame I deal with. To be fair, I think a lot of this has been very closely linked to my marginalization: people would interpret genuine mistakes of mine as signs I was some awful, manipulative predator, and quickly oust me from their friend groups as a result. If I had been an allistic cis man I would have faced far gentler behavior, or at least far more people would have justified the shit I did.

Regardless, very little in the book dealt with shame tied to guilt and wrongdoing. I remember there was mostly just this one tantalizing line about how even previous members of neonazi groups can benefit from speaking shame, but other than that, I didn't see much.

So my question here is, do you know how to deal with the shame of doing something really bad, and facing the consequences?

Thank you for asking, I'm glad you liked the book!

There are answers for you throughout the book, I think. Arguably, many of the examples of shame I outline involve feeling regret or shame over one's actions. People who do not recycle "enough" and feel profound shame and anxiety about it are people who have done something "wrong," in their minds. So are people who have repeated internalized transphobic/racist/fatphobic/etc messages to other people who share the same identities as them. These people's actions are systemically caused, and they are suffering from those same systemic forces that provoked them to take actions they feel bad about.

You aren't any more morally culpable than any of them, and you aren't qualitatively different from them -- even if you are likely telling yourself that what you did is so much "worse" and so much less justified.

You can find much of the advice that I apply to people who feel ashamed about an experience (a rape survivor, say), apply equally to you as someone who might have done something you view as "wrong." You can also look to the material in chapters 7 and 8 about finding grace and perspective for others who have done wrong to us, and apply much of that yourself. A person must be held in community before they can be held accountable, for example. Understanding the circumstances that contributed to your behavior is important, which it sounds like you've already done some work on, as is contemplating the needs you were attempting to meet with your actions, and the social supports you currently still need in order to move forward.

If someone has taken actions that go against even their own morals and they feel profoundly ashamed about it, I'd say they are generally still in a state of far-reaching systemic shame that goes far deeper and requires far more healing and support than just addressing the morality of their own actions. There's usually a lot of shame about one's identities, deprivation one is facing, fears of abandonment and attachment insecurities, and other major issues going on. Because a person wouldn't just violate their own moral precepts for no good reason.

No one wants to feel that they are a horrible person according to their own personal standards of goodness. A person's actions always make sense within their own context, and so when someone does something "wrong," either they have done something that they do not actually believe to be wrong, but fear societal judgement for, or they have been pushed to the brink by extreme distress, deprivation, abuse, indoctrination, political repression, exclusion, or likely a combination of those things.

I hope this is making sense. If you feel ashamed of something you have done, you need the exact same healing, safe vulnerability, social support, and trust as someone who is ashamed about something over which they have no control. There is no difference, you are no more deserving of that shame, and shame still will not prevent you from changing your behavior for the better. You can believe wholly that your actions in the past were wrong, and uphold your current values in the present, without deserving to feel any more shame about it.

[transmascpetewentz]

Welcome to my blog! 🤍💙🤍

Hello everyone, I'm sure you already know me, but for the new people: I'm Lou, I'm a bigender (in a jewish sense) fem gay trans man, I'm white/slavic, and I'm converting to Judaism. There isn't really a theme to my blog, I just find sideblogs too hard to keep track of so I keep everything in one spot. Politics, my personal life, and fandom will be posted here all as one stream of consciousness.

Here's my old pinned post if you ever need it, though the information on there may be outdated and probably doesn't reflect my current views if I've said something contradictory more recently. You can find my tagging/filtering system, general content warnings, and more about me under the cut.

To all the lurkers on my page, kiss the meowzuzah on your way in!

(all credit goes to @the-catboy-minyan)

Longer About Me

I'm converting to Judaism. Currently, I'm working on observing Shabbat and beginning more serious Torah study. We'll see where this goes; I would say that the journey > the destination, if the destination wasn't so good. You'll see me shitposting about this a lot, because it's something that's important to me and my brain likes to make up jokes about everything I think about for a prolonged period of time.

I'm also learning Hebrew. Currently, it isn't very good, but I can hold a basic conversation using some Google translate for individual words. I had to re-learn nikud because of reading the Siddur and Tanakh. I'm not very commentary-literate, though I've attempted to get into reading some for the Torah. Also, I keep mostly kosher!

Tag Filtering

So, I'm not very good at tagging, but one that I use pretty frequently is #ask to tag and it's a catch-all for anything that you might want to proceed with caution in. I also use #long post and #arguing a lot, for long posts and arguing respectively. Other than that, I'll tag most things about a certain bigotry with #[bigotry], including examples of that bigotry. If you're affected by said bigotry, you can and should filter the tag for your mental health!

I recommend that you filter out certain words entirely instead of just tags if you are triggered by a subject, since I oftentimes forget to tag posts with adequate warning tags. I don't like to tag things a lot, so if you are triggered by things I post about a lot and word filtering doesn't work for you, feel free to unfollow.

Although this is not an ED blog, I have an eating disorder and I post about it under the tag #ed talk. If you are uncomfortable with hearing that kind of discussion, block the tag and don't engage with the posts. If you are the kind of person who thinks people with eating disorders should have to censor themselves online for the comfort of others, do yourself a favor and don't follow me at all.

Frequently Asked Questions

Are you a Zionist?

It depends on how we're defining Zionism. If we're defining Zionism as "support of the modern state of Israel," I am a post-Zionist because the state exists. If we're defining Zionism as "the right of Jews as a native people to live and have self-determination in their native land," (which is also my personal definition), I am a proud Zionist. If Zionism means "support for the murder of innocent Palestinian people," then I am anti-Zionist, but that is a definition that divorces Zionism from its historical context.

Can you reblog my donation post?

Probably not, unless we already know each other. Due to the amount of donation scams that have popped up on tumblr recently, I don't feel safe giving money to random people that ask.

[catboybiologist]

I was wondering if you had any readings on the biological aspects of transitioning, especially with the info you use to deconstruct the transphobia argument that being transgender is ‘against biology’. Im a biological sciences major, but haven’t gotten to discuss (much less find resources on) this topic.

Thanks in advance.

Long and rambling response incoming! Sorry for leaving this in my inbox for a few weeks.

This is a very interesting topic to me, and doesn't really have a clean answer. Because its not really about the biology itself, its mostly about the philosophy of science, and how it interfaces with ethics, etymology, and societal understanding. The primary thing to understand is that science is *descriptive*. Morality or classifications are societal determinations that we use to "wrap" scientific observations- gender is therefore the societal "wrapper" to sex, which, over centuries, has snowballed and taken a social definition well past any biological system.

That being said, most of my arguments hinge on the totality of changes that are possible with HRT, and how they affect the molecular mechanisms of sex determination. To me, this sheer totality means that a trans man with significant time on HRT can actually be considered a "biological man", and vice versa for a trans woman. To me, the sheer extent to which cell expression patterns change, and structural elements of the body change, means that the way that transphobes use terminology like "biological sex" is bullshit. And as I've said before, this is NOT a transmedicalist argument, and if I ever sound transmed, I am sorry. Part of the totality of this biological definition includes the interface of genetics, pyschology, and sociology that comprehensively includes all trans people, even those not on HRT. Rather, I use the changes of HRT as a way to demonstrate the plasticity of sex in humans and other animals, and how thin the barrier between sexes actually is. This punches holes in a lot of the propaganda that transphobes tend to roll out, and helps demonstrate how flimsy their talking points are. All of this is to say, something can't be "against biology" because biology is morally neutral. It's not morality. It's not static definitions. It's a set of observations. But, our thinking about definitions and classifications can reflect and be advised by these observations. For me, it helped to think about HRT changes, because my personal mentality is one of a constructed identity. I define myself by what I am in the moment, and if I can document my current state, that helps define who I am- which is a woman. The biology of transition told me how deeply that is true, and continually becomes more true, on a molecular level. So. Here's some individual papers and points that help guide my thinking on the topic, and how each helped me find peace with transitioning: Medical descriptions of changes on HRT:

I'm sure everyone is familiar with this and the WPATH, but from the perspective of medical expectations. Instead, take a look at the changes documented here, and start thinking about how deep and profound they are- these cell types and body structure are sitting there just waiting to happen, and they are literally the same as their cis counterparts. This was huge for me in accepting that my post-HRT body wouldn't be "fake", and actually is literally the

Review paper of sex determination pathways in the animal kingdom:

Transphobes use chromosomes as a prescriptive definition of sex and gender. However, if you take a broader look and see how sex determination works in animals with similar genetic mechanisms as us, it becomes pretty clear that chromosomal sex determination is a late addition to the party. Essentially, most animals use a fairly random mechanism to ensure an advantageous sex ratio in their population. This is often environmental or based on some random gene on chromosome that looks nothing like XY sex determination, but if a large chromosomal deletion comes along, its a convenient way to keep the big version of the chromosome always paired with the small chromosome- for example, the X chromosome always being paired with another X, or its half-deleted pair, the Y chromosome. But there's nothing intrinsic about the chromosomes itself that define sex, its just an evolutionary ride-along mechanism.

So what does actually determine sex? Well, as with any broad scale developmental effect, one signalling molecule or gene can cause extensive downstream genetic effects, and that active, lived set of gene expression then defines what secondary sex characteristics develop.

(even though the main point is about spermatogenesis, it does provide a lot of nice summary figures about testosterone signalling) While these papers don't talk about trans people, the introduction of cross-sex hormones will activate these pathways, and cause the wide variety of downstream transcriptional changes in gene activation. Essentially, the active genes in your body will follow the dominant upstream sex hormones in your body. If you're transfemme, on HRT, the active genes in your body are female ones. If you're transmasc, on HRT, the active genes in your body are male ones.

While I never explicitly studied trans people in my biology education, studying principles of gene regulation, chromosome biology, and just a tad of reproductive physiology means that I started to think about how all of those interface with the way we define ourselves in a lot of ways. And usually, that is dynamic- you can have developmental changes kicked off by signalling molecules later in life, and it would be deranged to ignore those changes out of spite and insist that the biological system is still the thing it was before. Sex determination is not exempt from that.

Again, I use HRT changes as an example, but you can find many similar papers on the psychology of transness even pre-HRT. But, I would caution against trying to find a "root biological reason" for being trans pre-HRT- its likely too polymodal to accurately characterize. It's why I stray away from neurological papers and arguments here. That is an ENTIRELY different argument and this post is already long. But hey, every ask I get like this helps formalize my thoughts on the matter. Hope this helped!

[kingofthefortress]

An explanation

Tl;dr - this blog will most likely never come back. It will remain on what is essentially an indefinite hiatus unless something else ends up happening and I change my mind.

I left randomly, and want to explain why I did, properly.

If you don't know, I'm mod Rat. I was the second TADC askblog and shortly after the creation of the Kinger blog(which you are currently on) I made @zooooble, an askblog where I attempted to write as my interpretation of Zooble as opposed to Kinger, as they were two major comforts to me at the time(along with TADC as a whole).

Unfortunately, we got off to a rocky start pretty much immediately, with someone sending gore in my asks, leading to the asks being closed right after they opened. A bit later after asks were reopened, I started getting more and more odd asks - including animal abuse on Zooble's blog, and people being very gross about Kinger here and in some instances, me. This continued until I closed up the asks, which I originally didn't know would be permanent.

This ended up lining up horribly with my irl situation aswell, not to mention the fact that I was frequently disrespected in my asks. Someone even talked bad about me in Zooble's blog, thinking we were different mods.

Through all of this other mods were having lore happen to their characters, it got so overwhelming to have to keep up on anon blogs, TADC blogs, personal blogs I haven't and never will show here, it was making this feel like a chore.

Not to mention Zooble - because of several shitposts that I now regret, people were asking me and mod Soup(owner of the Gangle blog) to make Google canon. It was and never will be canon. It is a ship that now makes me uncomfortable and as I understand it, Soup aswell as they are literally in a relationship.

I didn't want this blog to get to the state it did. I just wanted to make jokey things, but it all got so complicated so quickly. It has been atrocious for my health, mental and physical. And I decided I need to stop worrying about this post. I wanted to make something like it months ago, but I didn't want to let people down. I don't care for this blog anymore.

I started a comic at some point in here, really its mostly a blur, but I ended up falling out of TADC as the third panel was being worked on. The whole Kinger wood rot arc was just something I made to make myself feel more included since other mods were doing lore with their respective characters aswell. I regret it - he would've been better as a silly character, like I started the blog with the intent to invision him as.

The TADC fandom was alright for awhile, but at this point, I am no longer interested in TADC, the characters, story, or these blogs.

The blogs were great when they started, when it was just some people having fun, but now, everything feels so odd. It's all different and not in a good way, not to the fault of the mods at all.

If you still want TADC askblogs(in the OG askblog group) -

@thecomicallytragicgangle is to my knowledge the most active, @jaxtherabbit is to my knowledge either on hiatus or inactive(though their blog is still fun to scroll through), @blue-tooth(Moon) I am unsure if they are active or not but they're an amazing artist and have a blog that's fun to go through, @theoneandonlysun is still active(I think), @cainetheringmaster is somewhat active, @theclownkaufmo(Abstractions) is a shared blog where to my knowledge there are still a few abstractions taking answers. There is of course askblogs not in this group, but these are the ones I was interacting with.

I believe @pomniii and @ragatha1 are inactive.

I will be floating around in some places in the internet, but now, this is my goodbye to this blog and all my other blogs on this account.

I guess this is just a lengthy post all to say:

Goodbye TADC. I hope you enjoyed this blog while it lasted.

[vxmpirehunterd]

UPDATE: A REASON FOR MY ABSENCE, A BRIEF SUMMARY Normally I don't make posts about my life but I think I need to give an update to all the peeps out there about my random absences. I don't talk about my life a lot due to the amount of dysfunction and heartache that goes on behind the scenes that drain my will to be creative, to interact with everyone, to even live. It's like every year that goes on, there was something in the background that disrupted my life and mental state further.

First and foremost I've grown up a parentified child taking on responsibilities not mine to bear with no say in the matter. Being forced to give up my own childhood for my own parent's selfish decisions. Then I moved away from my mother's to my father's. Which wasn't even better from 2014-2019 living with him was very terrifying due to his anger issues and violence whenever I didn't do things his way. He had this expectation for me to go to college full time while working full time and expected me to pay for my own college and pay him rent. When I stopped going to school to focus on working, he would verbally and sometimes physically hurt me. I had lost a severe amount of weight due to the stress and decided to move back in with my mother in 2019.

Fast forward 2021 my father died of cancer and my mom is in a custody battle with one of her many baby daddies and looked to me for financial support since she hadn't worked in nearly a decade. I had started a new job around that time but my mental health was drained at that point.

Now in 2024 my mother has decided to bring my elderly and sick grandmother into the household where we don't have a lot of resources and we really aren't equipped to give her proper care. But now the table has turned where she has finally got a new job a month ago and I am not working currently. She decided to dump the task of taking care of a confused, incontinent, elderly grandmother onto. Even though my own mother never had anything good to say about her own mother and I don't have great experiences with my grandma either. But we have to take care of her because "we're family." Gimme a break.

So right now I'm a bit pissed, sad, tired, and a myriad of other unpleasant emotions. If you ever want to know why Koji is gone all the time. Here is your answer. Family life bullshit.

But not to worry, I've been working on trying to get myself out of this hole I've seemed to find myself in again. Because I do want to interact with all my new followers and old ones. It's just that I've been recovering from deep wounds.