#which ones did the AI rip off

[redspacewriter]

season vii: a walking telenovela

either it’s jin/luna or jack/sophie, ya’ll claudia said it best (like i’ve been saying all along) that couple is all drama. truly, fusebox is channeling 90’s telenovelas. might have to start rewatching some of the throwbacks, for science of course.

[chisatowo]

I love how my first two pmd randomizer teams I characterised them in my head as different flavors of ah goofy and now these new guys are just a bunch of assholes. Just a gaggle of shitheads who think they're better than everyone else. They all hate eachother and think they're the only normal person here. They r also best friends but they do kill eachother on a regular basis.

[statelesspinup]

I did not just find an Etsy store using AI fucking photos to sell amigurumi patterns

What bullshit is this??!??

Please ignore my tabs I need those but THERE IS NO WAY this isn't AI. Here. Let's take the worst one I found and dissect it.

Like,,, okay. Just try following the line of yarn in front of the poke ball. It splits off and attaches in ways that yarn doesn't. There are completely detached circles of yarn!! What even is that metal thing?? I've been knitting and crocheting for a decade and I don't know what that is. Why is the yarn wrapped around a jar?!

Is there anything I can do about this? I just feel bad for whoever is gonna buy that sonic the hedgehog pattern (which was NEARLY ME) and gets totally ripped off. Bc if you have to use AI to sell your pattern, something tells me that the real pictures of the pattern's results aren't going to look right.

[luludeluluramblings]

Damian Wayne’s Obsession with Smalltown!Reader

A/N: Strictly Platonic, this ain’t no Game of Thrones.

A/N: I’m over halfway done with Part Six, but I need to fluff it up. Life is just exhausting me right now. I feel like my writing is downgrading despite my efforts. But, I’m assuming that’s just the exhaustion.

A/N: Also, how y’all feel about AI art? I have some images of the Smalltown Folks for visualization purposes, but I’ve been keeping them ambiguous in the story. I plan on giving background information on them, so if y’all wanna see ‘em lemme know.

Warning: Slight Obsession and Yandere Themes

Damian is so similar to his father and Tim in the way he sees Reader, his blood sibling. But, only after he realizes his mistake in pushing them away. He is one of the many that refuse to like reader on principle, yet the one of the quickest to fall into the obsession after the realization hits.

Damian has always thought of himself as the blood-son. Though, he’d grown less fanatical than he once was about it. It became his way of reassuring himself whenever he falls short of being Robin, or he can’t seem to live up to his own high standards. He’s the blood son, he is family. Bruce won’t abandon him. He’s worthy. He has a cemented place here.

His training and time with the League of Assassins caused him develop this need to constantly proof himself. Which still influences his behavior despite the family working to pull him from that unhealthy mindset. It’s still there, buried deep, and the fact that he was Bruce’s only biological child helped him keep that mental state at bay.

Finding out about the existence of Reader made that believe falter. Worse yet, Reader coming to join the family ripped that coping mechanism right out of his hands.

Bruce didn’t even know Damian existed until Thalia just dropped him off, and everything he and Bruce had took effort and time and so much work.

Yet, Reader instantly got it all. With no work, no fight, no blood, no sweat, no choking back tears because god forbid he cries. Reader had Bruce first. Reader had what he fought so desperately for.

That’s what stung. Damian was less concerned about being replaced as Robin, he had earned that title. But, he was concerned about being replaced as Bruce’s child. He no longer felt he had that exclusive connection to Bruce.

Damian can’t help but take it out on Reader. Yes, he has grown a lot of a person since coming to live with Bruce. But, Reader was just so fragile and weak and frustrating. It brought back a lot of old negative feeling he had thought he moved past. It didn’t help that Reader seemed to always be trying to squirm their way into his life. What more did they want to take from him? They’re nothing like him, or Bruce. Or anyone in this family. They don’t belong.

It isn’t until that night in the Kitchen, when they offer food the peace-offering to Damian, that he realizes he may have been wrong. That expression, that cold look, that had appeared on Reader’s face had look startlingly like Batman Bruce.

And, when the stopped attempting to talk to him, to wriggle their way into his life, he could shake the wrongness of it. Of course, his pride told him he had won and, for a while, he felt satisfied.

Until that phone call. Reader was always talking on that damn phone. Clinging to it like a lifeline. A weakness.

Damian overhead the conversation Reader was having with their other half-brother. The gentle reassuring tone. The unconditional love and care. Things he had craved. Things he sees other people have that he’ll never admit he wanted.

At first, he assumed it was a lover they were talking to. That love between family members still being a slightly foreign concept to him. But, when Reader confirmed it was their brother, something in him clicked with realization.

He wanted that. And, worse yet, he could’ve had that. But, Reader was now giving him that blank look. One of a stranger. Their walls had come up. They were no longer allowing Damian access to what they had previously offered him. How dare you withhold it? That affection is mine.

Of course, he’s disappointed. In himself and with Reader. He finally realizes that Reader had just been offering that love to him and he’d stubbornly foolishly refused. It’s not his fault, he didn’t know. It’s not his fault.

But, the thing about blood is that there will always be a connection. He has time. He can break those walls back down and bury himself in Reader’s affection. They already had a place for him anyway. He’ll let them cool off a bit before he tries again. In the end he is just taking what he’s owed.

[silence-ofthe-llamas]

More Mech Au-Au!

Swindle-orientated chapter, with sprinkles of TexAid.

Swindle smiled at everyone.

He smiled at those he was happy with, he smiled at those who had pissed him off, he smiled at those he was making deals with, the list was endless.

The only time he didn’t smile was when he was on his own. The door would click closed behind him, the lock automatically engaging, and the facade would slide from his face.

This all had to be worth it. It had to. He’d risked so much already, he was gambling at stakes he couldn’t pay. Failure would mean death, death for all five of them, and as such, failure was unacceptable.

He’d promised Onslaught.

Vortex was a source of pride for him - a prototype mech who had survived against all odds, plumping up his resume handsomely. The only surviving AI from that round and the round that came after - against all odds, Vortex had persisted. He hadn’t self destructed like his own cohort had, he hadn’t lost his sense of reality, he didn’t completely lose himself. He remained exactly who he was, for better or for worse. The discussions of destroying him once he’d begun to show his more aggressive tendencies were terrifying, sending Swindle scrambling for ways to extract Vortex from the mech. They didn’t get this far just to be treated like they were disposable. Had they forgotten that they were real people they’d trapped within the metal? What did it matter that they were slated to die anyway? That didn’t mean they could just be destroyed when they became inconvenient, there was supposed to be a due process. They were owed that much.

Swindle hung up his hat and ran his hand through his hair. Fuck. They’d gotten so lucky with that boy – Felix, right? That was his name, and Swindle has a vague recollection of his name meaning luck. Good for them that he lived up to it – they were lucky that he was persistent and determined, lucky that Vortex seemed to like him. His teammate liked to play with his food, and it seemed he was settling in to give First Aid a good long chew. Which was good! It meant Vortex was unknowingly buying himself some more time whilst he looked for ways to extract him and put him in something else. Anything else would do at this point - shit, he could be his toaster and burn his toast for eternity. At least he’d still be alive and he wouldn’t be left alone again.

Shit. How depressing. How did this become their only option?

Swindle kicked off his shoes, neatly placing them away onto the rack, and shrugged off his jacket

“I want to make them burn in hell.”

He’d done it because he had to. He took no pleasure in what happened to his team after he gave the wrong people the right intel - but it was this, or they’d all be dead. Like, dead-in-the-ground-dead. Skullfucked by maggots dead. Not on ice, not in giant suits of armour with guns and swords bigger than buildings, dead. Dead and forgotten, and it would be all five of them. Nobody alive to fight in their corner, nobody to keep them as safe as they could, nobody to do what needed to be done.

The screams didn’t haunt him like they used to. While they were still alive, skulking around the research centre with tags and monitors and cables and cameras on them at all times, people did terrible things to them. Trepan was the most frightening. He was enraptured with the idea of creating super soldiers. That’s what they’d tried at first - they’d needed warm, fresh, and living bodies - and who would notice if a mercenary group went missing? Everyone would just assume that they had died, and that would be that. They wouldn’t even look for their corpses.

Vortex had been the most difficult one for them to deal with. He was rude, unruly, and dished back what he was given. At one point they’d had to strap him down Hannibal style just to give him his injections - after they’d removed his prosthetic arm when he’d slashed through the restraints and three researchers with the hidden blade, he’d taken to biting down hard enough to rip chunks of flesh from the researchers instead. Vortex would laugh through the blood that dripped down his chin, but he’d always ended up screaming.

Brawl was freakishly quiet. He would press his palms to his temples, his eyes dull and face gaunt. Swindle would never admit how it made his insides churn, how guilt had ravaged him into sleepless nights. They all screamed, they all cried through the agony of it, but it was the worst when they were quiet. His team wasn’t meant to be quiet. They were always doing something, saying something. Vortex was always pissing off Blast Off, winding him up like a younger sibling did to an older one. Brawl was always playing music far too loud in his headphones. Onslaught was much quieter, but he was his own kind of orchestra of sound. A gun being cleaned, turning pages, the squeak of leather.

They weren’t in the research facility. They were shadows of themselves.

Onslaught had always given Swindle his looks though. No blame. No fault given. Thankful. They’d made a promise, after all. They’d agreed that this was what they would do, how it would happen. Anything that gave them longer to figure out what the fuck they were going to do.

The experiments were a failure. All it gave them were broken men. But that only gave them perfectly usable test subjects for something else, for another failing project.

Trepan had asked Swindle personally who he would volunteer as their first test subject. Who did he think had the best chance of success? Who did he think would make the best immortal warrior?

The cockroach, he’d replied. Vortex was fucking impossible to kill. He’d seen him getting himself blown up multiple times. He’d had to pay to fix his face, he’d had to pay to fix his spine, he’d had to pay for that damn prosthetic and every single hospital stay to stitch him back together. And not once had the man been touched by death. If a nuclear bomb were to fall on them, he was convinced Vortex would emerge unscathed and demanding a cigarette.

He was also extremely resistant to control. He despised being told what to do. Onslaught was an exception because he had actually made an effort to build a rapport with him, it was a relationship built on mutual respect and understanding. And Trepan? Every single scientist in this building? Vortex would rend them to dust and ash if they even entertained the thought of controlling him.

It was a hopeful moment, a glimpse into an optimistic future. Vortex would lose his humanity, but they would all regain their freedom.

But good things didn’t favour terrible men.

Fuck, he wanted a cigarette.

The photoshoot with Blurr was overrunning. It was already eleven o’clock at night - they’d been at this since 10 in the morning, working hard to get their perfect shots. The photogenic mechanics (paid actors). The intelligent engineers (more paid actors). The trustworthy medics (yet more paid actors). Their only non-actor was Blurr, but even then he was just their show dog. He wasn’t actually a pilot, not in the traditional sense. He wasn’t deployed, he was paraded.

Blurr would want to talk after, to natter away about something or other, to get a drink together and maybe a bite to eat, but Swindle just wanted to go to bed. He was tired. Exhausted. Going into his teammates lockers to grab a photograph had just dug up old memories from where he’d buried them, and he’d woken up with Vortex’s screams in his native tongue ringing in his ears, unable to get back to sleep. He could still hear it between the sounds of the camera shutter.

First Aid seemed to be a nice enough kid. He got on well with others, he did his job without complaint, and he was efficient. He didn’t dally around when he was to clamber into Vortex, he was quick and to the point - and, Swindle noticed with growing curiosity, he studiously avoided touching his controls.

If only the pilots were smart enough to pick up on that. Shame, really. It was starting to get real expensive to keep this quiet.

So it was with quiet horror that he watched as First Aid was trapped within the cockpit, the medic accompanying him collapsing to the floor as blood spurted up the glass from where his leg used to be.

He found himself hissing through his teeth. Don’t do anything stupid, Tex!

When First Aid stumbled out looking like his first pilot he’d ever had did, Swindle felt a grim mood take over him. How hard was it to fucking behave? To not do something so unbelievably stupid? To not get himself killed? Apparently it was too much for Vortex to fucking control himself.

But First Aid had been okay. The next day he was as chipper and chirpy as ever with full recollection of the previous day. He’d thought it was funny.

And that’s when Swindle knew that the boy was their chance. If he could survive Vortex, if Vortex was allowing him to live, then they had to seize the opportunity they could.

Nobody listened. Nobody fucking listened. They were repatriating children in biohazard bags, not even a hand left intact for their loved ones to hold as they said goodbye, and they weren’t listening to him.

They needed Felix Anwyl in that mech. Now. He was sick of watching lambs being offered up for sacrifice. Vortex was a malicious bastard but even he would get bored of it all eventually - and from where Swindle was standing, he saw a much better chance of getting their brothers online if Vortex settled down and stopped acting like he was possessed by the devil.

Seeing Felix sprinting towards Vortex in a pilots suit that didn’t fit him, Swindle discretely cleared the way. He distracted the officers with him, had them avert their eyes for a second to let him pass. He redirected people, he gave distractions, he delayed who he could to buy First Aid much needed time to get to the mech before that cadet took a single step inside. Vortex would kill them for the intrusion, he’d explicitly had enough of it and was demanding what was his. His words in the morning memos were enough.

Swindle was out of options. He needed to get First Aid into that mech before they stamped the paperwork to render the supposed AI obsolete and for the scrap heap.

He didn’t have a toaster ready for him yet.

Prowl had looked thunderous on the catwalk. So had Pharma. He had to fight to keep his grin at bay - he had to press his hand to his lips to hide it when Vortex began yelling ‘mine’ through the walkie talkie.

Oh, he really liked this one.

Pharma had kicked up the biggest fuss. He didn’t want to lose his precious medic.

Swindle checked his file. First Aid hadn’t been on any major medical assignments since the previous year, and there was no record of why. No particular displeasures, no signs of any faults or major errors, any need to retrain, or competencies lapsing and requiring reassessment. Pharma had just decided to force First Aid away from his job in some bizarre, inexplicable act.

He’d grabbed him by the collar and hissed into his ear that the blood was on his hands. That if he wanted to keep First Aid, then he could be the one to clear the mech out, that he would be the one to write to the families and explain what had happened.

Pharma had opened his mouth and begun to say something about a punishment, but Swindle placed his finger to his lips and shook his head.

“It’s not on his record.” He reminded him, tapping the file. “Do you want to incriminate yourself? Right here?”

And so he’d received the stamp of approval that evening. The ink was still wet as he shook Pharmas hand, the man holding his too tightly.

First Aid seemed to like Vortex too.

Pilots didn’t usually go and hang out with their mechs. They liked to be near them – apparently there was something about the connection that had them bond in such a way that they liked to be close to them, that they’d feel drawn towards them, but First Aid’s seemed to be almost excessive. At every free opportunity, he was there. If you couldn’t find him, the advice was to check Vortex – he’d probably be in the cockpit reading a book or listening to music, or he’d be elbow deep cleaning out the joints from the gunk the clean up crew didn’t manage to get. If it was a meal time and he wasn’t in his room or in the cafeteria, he was with Vortex.

His secondary role on base was still, technically, a medic – but Pharma had made it clear that he wasn’t welcome back in the medical bay. He’d made his bed, so to speak – if he wanted to be a pilot, then he’d be one, but it was at the sacrifice of his oath to medicine, so he wasn’t allowed to perform it. He was left to spin his wheels, to attend training sessions when they could run them for him (it was an open secret that he wasn’t a pilot, but a secret it was) and scratch his arse until the alarm went off and he was marked for deployment.

Swindle didn’t know that Pharma could hold such a grudge. He’d made a mental note to never piss him off.

A few times, when Swindle couldn’t sleep and was on a walk, he’d seen First Aid slipping into Vortex. He’d raised his brows at that.

Swindle didn’t know how Vortex hadn’t squished him yet.

Vortex fell back into the Shatterdome, rain thundering down on his armour sounding like the roar of a passing train. Sparks erupted from the gaping hole where his shoulder used to be, two of his back blades torn free and the remaining hanging on by rapidly breaking cables. The mech fell to its knees, catching itself on its remaining arm, its visor flashing a single message over and over.

OBJECTIVE ONE: PROTECT THE PILOT.

For the first time, Vortex had obeyed the objective embedded into each of their mechs. Protect the pilot. More than that, he’d brought him straight back to them.

Swindle watched him in quiet awe.

Wow. He really liked this one.

When the radio had cut out in a roar of static, Swindle had half expected Vortex to stay out on the front and continue his slaughter like he usually did when his pilot died, but instead he watched as the red dot that symbolised Vortex on the screen instead turned around and began sprinting back to the Shatterdome, ignoring all of the targets around him, ignoring when a quintesson got a good hit on him, barrelling past the other deployed mechs. Mission Control received multiple communications from the other pilots out in the field, confused calls from the crews of the helicopters monitoring from above - Vortex wasn’t responding. Vortex was moving entirely independently - his pilot was unresponsive and his life signal was so weak it could easily have been the electricity from the cables exposed to the elements being detected instead.

His walkie talkie crackled as Vortex looked directly at the large room Mission Control sat in overlooking the hangar. A voice he hadn’t heard in years ground out.

“He dies, everyone dies.”

Swindle swallowed hard, and nodded.

“Tex?” The voice was weak and unrecognisable. Swindle realised it must have been Felix. He was alive and conscious enough to speak - Swindle was already waving off people trying to get permission to do things, motioning for them to just get fucking on with it.

“Get that pilot out!” He hissed at them.

“It’s going to be okay.” Vortex promised. Swindle didn’t know his voice could get so soft.

“Stay put, Tex. Don’t move a muscle and unlock your emergency escape, the medics are here.” Swindle spoke into the walkie talkie. He received a few weird looks from those around him, but he ignored them. He’d field their curiosities later - for now, he had to focus on keeping Felix alive and figuring out how they were going to safely contain Vortex.

Fuck. He wished Onslaught had been activated. He’d know what to do. For a brief moment he wished their positions were reversed. He’d have handled all this shit so much better. Swindle would never tell him or ever admit it, but Onslaught was always the brains of the unit, he always had a plan. He’d probably have had all of them activated by now, brought the whole team back together again.

He chewed his bottom lip until it bled, the taste of copper stinging on his tongue.

The medic had to live. He had to. There was no protecting Vortex if he went on a murder spree - they could just about justify the pilots being pulverised inside of him, the difference between the cost to spec up and build and test a mech that was his equal vs the cost to train a new pilot was extraordinary. Vortex could, in theory, chew through a few hundred more pilots before they’d start to wonder if they should have just built a new mech. But to destroy a whole base?

Yeah. No. It would be significantly more difficult to justify it as a misidentified ‘protect the pilot’ protocol. Sure, he could argue that the base failed to save his pilot, but how would the mech know? Why did the mech identify the Shatterdome as a target? Clearly it was faulty, glitched, and needed to go.

Vortex was not one to be reasoned with. Swindle knew that all too well. There wasn’t going to be the opportunity to talk him down from his decision.

They succeeded, or they failed. That was it. One or the other. Felix survived, or everyone died.

God, he prayed that Felix was as much of a cockroach as Vortex was.

[purseowner4thequalityanimation]

SMT Boardgame Kickstarter Smells Like Suspicious Fish

There's an SMT boardgame. Curb your enthusiasm, you shouldn't back it. And if you did, lower your pledge to like a buck until they clear things up, because as it stands it seems like an incredibly suspect product.

Checking through the Kickstarter comments and Japanese Tweets about the boardgame makes the entire thing seem poorly planned at best. I'll summarize as best I can;

The designer is incredibly infamous in the boardgame community

Naoki Matsunaga, a self-described "board game sommelier", is the designer. You'll find tweets lamenting that "the board game sommelier is involved". Why is he so hated? This thread goes into detail: co_boze on twitter. Part of it is they bashed Werewolf over one game they saw of it, another is they took on a kind of public-face role for boardgames appearing on late night TV shows to talk about them in ways that annoyed boardgamers. They seem to have designed a boardgame based on "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" which ripped off Sid Sackson's 'I'm the Boss". But it's what co_boze talks about next that's really bizarre. The game was apparently banned from most board game cafes and playing spaces. Seminars where people could play the game were hosted, but the venues that hosted these seminars all closed down.

If you keep looking through comments, you start finding claims that his company does multi-level marketing (ie pyramid schemes). To be honest, I don't know if this is true. But even if it isn't, it is really not hard to find people who know of this guy and would really really really REALLY prefer he was not involved.

"Oh fuck, it's THIS guy" is not a reaction that inspires confidence

2. Questionable development and presentation issues.

A regular collaborator with Atlus recently tweeted "The use of AI in Atlus works or derivative works is stictly prohibited." He responded to a reply asking if this was about a board game.

The staff running the SMT BG Kickstarter later clarified the actual -game- wouldn't use AI graphics... but from the looks of it, the promotional materials do.

Dig that... generic metal pipe aesthetic. Nothing screams MegaTen like black plumbing to nowhere.

In totally unrelated news, a board game manufacturer recently tweeted that a Kickstarter used their name without permission, and they're not sure why.

Quote tweets on the post would suggest it was the SMT board game. The comment they are loosely referring to is this:

In a follow-up post, they do specify "The product figures will be made of PVC." and "We will be manufacturing the games in partnership with a factory in China that has a proven track record... " "Figure director Kimura Yuzuru has over 10 years of experience..." and other boring development stuff that I have no issue with. What I do have issue with is how they can say things like they're "considering" which manufacturer to use and namedropping other companies that they're unrelated with. (While I was typing this post, they posted an update that clarified the CMON issue and literally nothing else: here.)

The boardgame is being presented with machine translated English printed on the same cards as the Japanese. But the actual game will have a translator check everything.

they hire translators to localize all game content

Additionally, there was a week long radio silence on the Kickstarter. For reference, Kickstarters are normally very active with the project planners dropping updates, responding to feedback and clearing up any concerns.

Some of the concerns were "How does the game actually play?", a question that would be best answered by dropping a rulebook for people to look at, or better yet showing them an entire run of the game. The SMT BG Kickstarter has boldly chosen neither. Devs have commented the game is on Version 11 and plays well, which makes it strange that they can't share any of it with anyone else.

Actually, when you compare this to how most Kickstarters are run, it becomes very clear the SMT BG Kickstarter is, uh, kinda failing in all possible regards. The first Backer Goal is "Jack Frost Dice" at 2000 backers (not funds raised, BACKERS). Despite getting 300%(!!!) of the initial pledge needed, there are no bonuses or unlocks.

Mind, this lack of information comes after they already delayed the start to supposedly improve Backer Goals and other aspects.

There aren't a shortage of issues - it's ICREA's first boardgame (but not their first tango with SMT; they made the SMT30th Logo, for instance.) The timeline seems totally wack. The staff have been incredibly slow to respond. Cards with tiny font and two languages printed on them. Etc, etc. Maybe individually these issues wouldn't be too concerning. But all of them combined make the product seem incompetently run at best, and at worst an actual scam.

I'm hardly a big influencer in the SMT scene (my biggest contribution is when that fucking succubus gif gets 36k likes on Twitter every 5 months) but I haven't seen any English speaking sources discuss this in detail, when there really should be at least some noise about all of this. Still. if just one of you end up saving 600 bucks on what ends up being a trashfire carcrash project because of this post, then that'll have made the past 30 minutes of typing this shit worth it.

[hezzabeth]

"For the last time, that poem isn't romantic! It's insulting," Revati yelled over her shoulder as she began to pedal.

The layout of Olde Landon had been deliberately designed to keep tourists inside for as long as possible. There was only one way to access the front gates, and that involved defeating the Queen of Hearts' hedge maze. When the park was still open, tourists would be forced to spend at least an hour in the maze, stumbling upon tiny toy shops and food stands around every corner. The same thing occurred when they left, resulting in a very rich park and bankrupt guests. Now the maze was overgrown and easy enough to navigate.

Revati pedaled past the cart that once sold her heart-shaped sunglasses. Then she turned left, almost crashing into the wall of roses. The wall of roses stared back at her, their red blooms heavy and suspicious. Thanks to Bridgadeiro, she knew they were probably secretly insulting her.

The next turn consisted of an old stardust popcorn stand. Revati skidded to a stop and inspected the inside tray, where a few ancient kernels lay. Carefully, she picked up several of them and placed them in her jacket pocket. As far as she could tell, the kernels were seeds. Someone was shifting around the corner, causing the branches to shake.

"Aurora, is that you? Did you go ahead of me?" Revati yelled.

"While conferring in the labyrinth where false preachers reeked of death, the monster began to growl," a voice called from around the corner. An unfamiliar, flat female voice. Raiders. Raiders were, of course, an occupational hazard in any post-apocalyptic settlement. Normally, they never made it further than the broken glass pit at the park's gates. Sometimes Dityaa would bring one in, insisting they were "lovely," which always led to awkward dinners.

Revati slowly walked around the maze corner. There was a screeching metallic sound, and the weapon fell from Revati's hand. An android was slumped over on the ground. Once it would have been golden, but now it was rusty and covered in mud. Someone had ripped its legs off, leaving nothing but wires and tubes spitting bright blue fluid. Instead of a torso, there was a black empty hole with a concave door swinging on its bent hinges.

"And in the forgotten twists, footsteps quicken, hearts beat, and teeth are bared," the android chirped, its voice still distorted and far away. The android's face was a beautiful mask. Still-carved eyes. Unmoving sweet lips.

Revati powered up her solar gun and slowly walked forward, aiming it at the android. The android's metal eyes scraped in their sockets, turning towards her.

“Is that you? My darling Perdita?” The android’s voice whispered, the lips unmoving. The whispering voice had a posh lilt to its accent. Revati refused to answer. It was best to never engage with AI.

“Perdita, I clawed my way in! They know about you; the spider knows,” the android whispered before collapsing completely.

Revati slowly walked forward, still holding her weapon. With one foot, she kicked the android. It didn’t move. Its power had definitely died.

“Spider? Is that some sort of gang?” Revati whispered to herself. Gangs were always given stupid names.

“The spider is us; the spider is legion,” a flat robotic voice called out, and Revati spun around.

Queen Victoria was standing behind her, scorch marks all over her dress. A faint blue glow was erupting from beneath the skin of Queen Victoria’s chest.

[eternalsams]

Like Cats and Dogs ➻ Miguel O'Hara

pairing: Miguel O'Hara (Spider-Man 2099) x Spider-Woman!reader

warning/content: black cat and golden retriever energy, Miguel is a party pooper

summary: you finally find the way to travel across the dimensions and you meet an interesting person.

words count: 1.5k

a/n: English isn't my first language so please take that into your consideration. Also, this is straightly inspired by a conversation I had with an AI of Miguel and I had to share this because it was so fun.

You slowly open your eyes, your pupils adapting to the new light around you. The night sky faces you and the high buildings reach the stars. You look down at your bracelet and close the portal you just came from. You immediately notice the other person in the room and jump back, arming your web shooters and aiming for the man in the room. "Who are you? Show yourself or I else shoot!" You threaten and the man steps closer, revealing himself calmly. He's tall, oh so tall. He's got broad shoulders and a strong jawline. His fists are clenched but what makes you relax is the big spider drawn on his body. The suit he's wearing looks like yours, only yours have a yellow spider on your back. "Do I know you?" He asks calmly but watches all your movements. You walk around him, inspecting his suit from every angle. "I don't know... Do I?" You say, staying at a certain distance from him, not knowing if he was dangerous or not. His jaw clenches and I can see he's getting impatient. "My name is Miguel O’Hara. I’m Nueva York‘s one and only spider man. My life is pretty hectic and full of one bad thing after the other." He introduces himself, hoping you would cooperate and do the same. He takes a step closer and you get a good look at the dark veins in his eyes. "Do I know you?" He asks again.

You chuckle and stand back in front of him. "Did you practice this little speech of yours in front of your mirror this morning?" You cross your arms across your chest and raise an eyebrow. He frowns and take a step towards you, menacing. "My life is not a joke. I’m doing everything I can to protect this city from any threats. Why do you want to fight me?" You look down at his fists and can see his laser web wrapping his hands, threatening you. You slightly smile and look back up at his red eyes. "You think you're the only one with these bad boys, huh?" You shoot a short web to the wall next to you. His lips part and you can see him deep in his thoughts for a second before he looks back at you. "You... are like me?" You simply shrug. "Seems like it, big guy! But you... seem different, evolved..." You slightly frown and grab his hand, inspecting his talons and then grabbing his face to look closer at his fangs. "Are you a vampire or something?" You ask him before he rips your hand off his face. "I am not a vampire." He growls. "Oh... Are you a demon then?" You ask excitedly and shook his shoulders, which seems not to please him that much. He yanks your hands away a second time and steps back from you. "Not a demon either. Why are you here? What do you want?" You exhale loudly and pace slowly in front of him. "I've heard about you, Spidey... So I left my dimension to meet you. I still don't know if I'm glad I met you or not though..."

He stares at you, confused and search for his next words. "Other dimension? What are you rambling about. If you weren’t so annoying I’d knock you out." You roll your eyes out and chuckle. "Have you ever heard of the multiverse?" You cock your head to the side, enjoying how confused he looks. "The... multiverse..? You can travel through dimensions?" He raises his eyebrows. "Yup!" You clap your hands and shoot webs on the ceiling to make yourself a swing, sitting down on it. "You, my friend... are from Earth-928 and I am from Earth-634. You're the Spider-Man here and I'm the Spider-Woman of my dimension." You explain to him. "You're kidding..? I don't have the most... normal life but this? What brought you here?" He looks back up at you. "I told you! You did! I was doing some research about the multiverse and I had a weird vivid dream where I saw multiple Spider-Men, and so I knew I had to meet some of them, including you!" You point at him and he blinks. "So you came here, to my world, based on a dream? You’re crazy! I guess that's a good thing..." I grin at him and pat his cheek. "Aww, Spideyyy.... You're being soft on me!" He slaps my hand away and growls. "Hey! I'm not being soft!"

"You so are!" You chuckle and pinch his cheek like a grandma would do. He slaps your hand once again and keep it away from his face. "Don't you dare touch me again!" You hold up your hands in surrender with a sly smirk. "Okay, okay... So... You single, Guapo?" You wiggle your eyebrows. "Why? You wanna take me out on a date?" He huffs, as if the mere idea of dating you was ridiculous. "Maybe... We could have a bunch of inter-dimensional babies!" His little smile quickly drops and he blinks. "What? You're clearly insane..." He sighs. "Oh, come on, Mr Vampire... Don't you ever smile or crack up?" You can see he doesn't like the nickname but you don't really care. "I do smile. Just not with you." You step closer and have to tilt your head back to look in his eyes. "I wanna see that fangy smile!" You say excitedly. "I don't need to show you anything." He looks like he’s on the defensive, and looks a bit disturbed that you might notice he’s a mutant. "You’re from a different reality- how am I supposed to trust you?" He frowns and crosses his arms on his toned chest. "I'm literally a different version of you! We're the same! You're a vigilante, I'm a vigilante. You save people from bad guys, I save people from bad guys... What else do you need to trust me?!" You throw your arms up and exhale loudly. "You’re from an alternate reality. For all I know, you’re a supervillain pretending to be good. I need proof." He just stands there when you're pacing in front of him. "Alright... Tell me what you wanna know." You sigh and face him. "Why are you here? You said because you saw a vision of me. Why did you feel the need to find me?" He asks, tilting his chin up to look down at you. "Curiosity."

"You’re risking the health of your reality just to satisfy your curiosity?" He raises his eyebrows, almost speechless. "Yeah, my dad always told me I was too curious for my own good... But hey! What can I do about it?" You chuckle and shrug. "Maybe try not to put your home in danger if you get a passing whim! You're so weird..." He sighs and pinch the bridge of his nose. "So, tell me, Mr Vampire... What else do you need from me so you trust me?" You ask with a sly smirk. He growls and throws his head back. "I'm not a vampire, for the last time! Stop calling me that!" His fists have charged and begin to crackle with a blue electric energy, he seems ready to fight with you. You slightly laugh and hold your hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry... It's just so easy to mess with you, big guy!" He shakes his head and grits his teeth. "You’re so obnoxious. You know that? What do you wanna know about me?" You think about it and smile widely, pointing at his face. "Can I touch your fangs? I wanna check if they're sharp..." He frowns and looks weirdly at you. "No! What is wrong with you? Why are you so obsessed with my fangs?" He takes a step back from you, keeping his distance. "I'm not obsessed with your fangs." You immediately respond but you both know you're lying. Your gaze catches something else and your eyes widen. "Are those claws?!" You exclaim and almost jump on him, grabbing him arm and inspecting his hand. "What are you doing? You can't just touch me without my permission. I'm not some play thing, okay?" He says in a little voice, way less confident. You smile and softly touch the end, feeling how sharp the claws are. "You're fascinating..." You lead his hand towards him and watch the claws retract when his fingers touch his suit. "Hey! Stop that! No touching me without permission. That's a rule! And why am I so fascinating? I'm not some kind of experiment! And they're not claws, it's talons!" He exclaims, getting rid of your touch. "No... You're just so different from me..." You ignore his request not to be touched and grab his other hand, checking again his talons.

"Don't you get the message?!" He pulls his arm out of your grip. "Stop touching me!" His fists crackle with energy as his anger returns. You step back and hold up your hands. "Alright, alright... Calm down, Guapo. I'm sorry, I didn't want to upset you or hurt your feelings." He seems to calm down and his shoulders relax. "It's just that I spent months working on travelling across the multiverse and when I finally do it, the first person I meet is a Spider-hero, just like me. It's all so exciting!" You grin and you can almost see a smile creeping his way onto his lips before he looks away, shaking his head. "You're so weird..." He sighs and you smile even more. "Oh, trust me I know."

[m00nymonster]

Birthday

Prompt: present

What do you give a spaceship?

This was a question Seth was asking himself now because two cycles ago Iris had had her fifth birthday party, and for the first time Perihelion had asked for one too. It hadn't seemed interested before, but lately had become more verbal (literally) about its wants. Apparently after years of seeing Iris get birthday parties it wanted one for itself. This party had to include presents, which was the problem.

The party itself would be simple to organize. Peri wasn't fond of the other AIs in the program--it had trouble getting along with them, especially Holism, who was popular with the other AIs--so the guest list would simply be the crew and Iris. A party with seven adults and one child was easy enough. The present part? That, not so much.

A spaceship didn't need much. Fuel, for the few times its power core needed a boost. A good cleaning every now and then. A happy crew for company. However, one did not usually associate a vehicle with possessions. Spaceships weren't sapient enough to even ask for such things.

For now the crew was plotting in a university faculty room at PUMNT, though Iris had been brought with them and was currently happily playing with dolls at the table.

"I requisitioned party streamers and decorations," Kaede said.

"And cake?" Iris said hopefully.

"Yes, and cake."

"Chocolate?"

Kaede smiled. "Of course."

"Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!" Iris chanted. "Oh! And starchy foods!"

"Iris, we'll have all your favorites," Seth said patiently. It wasn't like Peri was going to eat them.

"Yaaaaay!" Iris squealed. "I want to give Peri a teddy bear!"

"A teddy bear? Where would we put it?"

"On the bridge! Captain Teddy!"

Martyn laughed. "Okay, we'll find one for you."

"I wanna find it," Iris pouted. "And it has to be pink!"

"All right, starlight. We'll go shopping," Martyn said. "Seth, we'll leave the rest to you."

"Sure," Seth said. The two left, and Seth looked at his crew.

"Peri's expecting a present from us, too," he said. Kaede made a face.

"What the heck do you give a spaceship?" she asked.

"I was wondering the same thing," Seth said dryly. "I don't think we can get away with a teddy bear."

"It enjoys Iris' media," Matteo replied. "Maybe we can give it...a game based on some media?"

"Peri devours those. We need something that'll keep it occupied for more than five seconds. Literally."

Matteo looked stumped. Kaede shook her head.

"We've got to think outside the box. What would a machine get use out of? And 'a good polish' is not the right answer," she said, glaring at Matteo, who closed his mouth.

The crew and their captain sat in thought. Finally Seth said, "it's disembodied, isn't it? I mean, it doesn't have a body like the rest of us."

"I suppose," Kaede said. Seth grinned.

"I know what to get it," he said. "Let's get to work."

Two weeks later the crew had Peri's first birthday party. Peri enjoyed watching its humans play silly games, including pin-the-appendage-on-the-fauna, and eating cake (although Iris wore more cake than she ate). But it was by far the most excited to open the two packages it knew contained its very first birthday presents. Well, Iris would open them, anyway.

Is it present time? it asked eagerly as Seth finished wiping cake off of Iris. Seth nodded. "Iris, would you open the presents, please?"

"Mine first! Mine first!" Iris squealed, and grabbed a hot pink box. She ripped it open and pulled out an equally pink teddy bear. "Look, Peri! I got you a teddy bear!"

Thank you, Peri answered seriously. Can we put it in my engine room?

"Whereever you want," Seth replied. "Iris, if you--"

Iris was already ripping the packaging on Peri's second present to shreds. When she pulled out its contents she looked confused.

"What is it?" It was a machine of some sort, the same size as Iris, with a large dome top and several wiggly metal arms underneath.

"It's a very special drone," Seth said. "Peri, try it."

Curious, Peri downloaded a part of itself into the drone. It floated in the air and the arms wiggled. Iris giggled and grabbed one. "Hello, Peri," she said, and shook it like a handshake.

Hello, Iris, Peri said, and shook back. The drone gently wrapped two arms around her like a hug.

Thank you, Peri said quietly, its feed voice filled with emotion. I love it.

Seth smiled. "Happy birthday, Peri."

[bird-in-the-space]

Echoes of the Unknown

You had become one of those alien robots with no way of turning back. You decide to take the risk of revealing yourself to Emily and take comfort in her presence as you wonder about the future of your new predicament.

Warnings: dead bodies, a lot of crying, angsty, being uncertain of things, cursing and Emily being supportive.

Chapter 3

------------------------------------------

It was dark. You groaned as you had perhaps one of the worst headaches in history. You felt heavy, very heavy. When you finally managed to open your eyes, your vision was first red before it turned green and AI-like. You felt confused. It was like you were inside some computer system. 

Rocks were the first thing you saw in your vision. You pushed yourself to kneel despite your headache and odd heaviness. You fluttered your eyes around the cavern before you tried to feel your face. You panicked when you felt something cold and smooth covering your face. 

You tried to find an edge or a hole, anything that could help you pull it off. You began to claw your face in panic. Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!

Your finger suddenly found an edge right beneath your eyes. You pushed it through and managed to rip the thing off from your face. A mask-like plating fell to the floor. You gasped when your vision became wider and clearer, allowing you to see and breathe through your mouth. 

You looked around the cave. 

What had happened? What was going on? 

You then noticed your hands. Instead of your fingers, you saw three long metallic claws, and your arms resembled those purple robots. You then looked at your body and saw it was similar to those robots. You felt your face and noticed your nose was missing, all you could feel was your mouth and eyes. 

Now panic began to settle when you realized what had happened. You wished it was just a bad dream, but everything was real, you were real. You had turned into one of those robots! 

“No! No! No! This can’t be happening! This can’t be happening!” Your voice surprisingly came out normal as you began to hyperventilate or breathe through your mouth. You then realized that you couldn’t feel your lungs. You no longer had them. 

However, it did not really stop you from taking frantic breaths as your robotic body began to shake and tears fell down from your eyes. 

You leaned against the cavern wall, venting out your panic before trying to calm yourself and remember what had happened. You then noticed something lying on the ground. It was a human body, or in better words, your human body. 

Dread loomed in your mind when you saw your body lifelessly lying there. You feared the worst as you quickly crawled over to it and picked it up gently. 

“No! No! No!” you uttered repeatedly as you tried to find any signs of life in your human body, carefully handling it in your now large claws. 

It felt weird to stare at your own body. It didn’t help that your body felt cold to your metallic hands and when you gently placed your body beside your head where your ears should be, trying to hear any heartbeats — there was nothing. 

Your body was dead. You were dead. 

You mournfully held your body in your hands. Tears escaped your eyes again as you began to sob. How could this have happened? How did you become… this? 

You saw the strange metal thing from before. It was lying there motionlessly. You remembered how it turned on before and caused that weird light between you and the robot when it tried to shoot you. It allowed you to figure out what happened. 

You must have switched bodies with this thing, allowing you to survive while the robot died in your damaged body, which also means that there was no way for you to turn back to normal. 

You held your body in your hands. What you should do now? 

You noticed your phone on the ground. Carefully picking it up, you opened it and saw that Emily had tried to call you several times. How long has it been?

You then heard something in the distance. It sounded like shouts and someone calling your name. You looked between the cracks and noticed lights there. It must have been the camp chancellors, looking for you. 

Looking toward the crack and then toward the path where the robot came when it came after you, you stood up, wobbling as your legs felt heavy. It took a moment to get used to, but you were able to move and check the cavern. You found no one. The cavern was completely empty. Even the blue crystals were gone. You looked behind you toward the crack and made a heavy decision. You left, taking your human body with you as you didn’t dare to leave it behind. 

Luckily, finding a way out wasn’t as difficult as a giant robot. You managed to find a way out and saw it was still night-time. You saw a helicopter and people looking around the mountains, most likely for you. 

Your heart ached to make yourself known to them, but there was no way you could appear to them as a giant robot. With a heavy mind, you went to the forest, away from them and Emily who had no idea what became of you. 

Luckily, you knew the woods of the Lynx Wood like the back of your hand. There was an abandoned barn perfectly away from the camp area and other hiking paths so it should work as a hiding place for you. 

You approached the barn. You kneeled to open the doors and looked inside, finding it empty like usual. You then quietly stepped in and closed the doors after ensuring you were alone. 

You carefully placed your human body on the hay piles and stared at it. If it wasn’t for the bruises and the dirt on your clothes, you looked like you were peacefully sleeping. It felt strange to look at your body from another being’s eyes. 

You then sat down and leaned against the wall, pondering what you should do now. You couldn't go back to the camp, your human body was dead and there was no way you were going to try to look for the other robots, especially when the robot whose body you currently inhabited tried to kill you. So, you were convinced they were not a good type of robot. 

Phone buzzing suddenly broke the silence. You looked at your phone that lay beside your dead body and saw it was Emily trying to call you again. 

Your heart desired to answer, but how in the hell would you explain what had happened? You were technically dead and had been turned into a giant robot by an alien machine thing, and there was no way for you to turn back. 

You pondered while you stared at the ringing phone till it eventually went to voicemail. 

You stared at your metal hands. Personally, you would leave and try to figure it out on your own, but your heart yearned to tell Emily. She has always stood by your side and helped when things got rough. Maybe… just maybe… you could tell her and have someone to help you figure out what was going on. 

“(Name)!” You jumped when you heard Emily’s voice. You quickly realized it came from your phone and that it was the voicemail playing.  

“If you hear this, please try to call me back and tell me you’re okay. The rescue patrol are looking all over the place but they can’t find you. Please answer or give a sign that you’re okay,” Emily explained and then it was the end of the message. Her tone felt broken like she had been crying. She was no doubt fearing the worst.

You thought about your options. You could leave right now and try to figure things out on your own, or reach out and figure things out with a friend, but then you could risk getting found out and possibly getting captured and taken somewhere you most likely do not want to end up. 

You glanced at your phone and sighed, making your decision.

In the campgrounds. Everyone was restless and most of the campers were confused when the rescue patrol showed up. Mr. Robin and most camp leaders went with the rescue patrol to scour the mountains. However, it has now been hours and there was still no sign of you. Emily had been trying to reach your phone, but there was no connection because of the mountain. This time she managed to send out a voicemail at least. 

Her eyes burned with tears and worry was crippling her from within. You were missing, possibly hurt and no one could find you. Is this how she was going to lose you, her best friend? To a mountain because of their stupid curiosity? Why did she not back you up and tell Amanda and the others it was a bad idea? Now you will end up as one of the poor victims who went to forbidden parts and never came back. 

She looked at her phone and decided to try calling you again. 

But then her ears heard a phone ringing. She looked toward the forest. She recognized the ringtone. She was the one who helped you pick it because she thought your old one was too bland.

“(Name)!” she called out but the phone only kept ringing. Despite her best judgment, she walked into the forest to investigate. 

She walked some miles from the campgrounds till she eventually stumbled upon your phone lying on the grass. She picked it up and answered her own call. She felt confused. Why was your phone here? How is it here? She was certain it fell with you when you fell. 

The screen was cracked and the energy was low. Emily opens your phone and finds herself in the camera app. She pics the latest video and turns on the play, watching the last things you saw in the cave.

She furrows her brows when the video shows giant blue crystals and purple robots all over the cavern. She could hear your silent breathing as you recorded these robots. The video then ended as it was only thirty seconds long. 

She then heard something move behind her and saw you coming toward her. She yelped when you picked her up and pushed the side of your finger against her mouth to prevent her from making any sounds. Emily panicked and tried to struggle in your hand. 

“Emily! It’s me, (Name)!” you tried to explain, hoping your voice was enough to give it away. 

Emily stopped struggling and looked at you confused but with recognition. 

“I know this looks weird and unbelievable. But this is actually me. It’s hard to explain. But I need you not to scream. Can you do that?” you asked. 

Emily looked reluctant but nodded her head. 

You sighed and took your finger away from her mouth. 

Emily spat her mouth and then looked toward you. 

“(Name)? What the hell happened? Why are you a giant robot?” she asked with a quiet yet bewildered tone. 

“As I said before. It’s hard to explain. So much happened in those caves. I do not even know where to start,” you said. “But I will explain everything, but not here. Can you come with me to the abandoned barn?” you asked. 

“Well… sure,” Emily answered with an unsure look. 

“Great,” you said then walked away from the camp with her before anyone could notice her sudden disappearance. 

During your walk back to the barn, you explained what happened after you fell and hit the bottom. How you found these crystals and robots, and how one of these robots tried to kill you, and then this machine caused you to switch bodies. Emily listened, nodding along thought skeptically. 

After you reached the barn, you showed her the last thing that ensured the truth of your story – your own body. 

You pulled the cover away and showed Emily your lifeless body. 

“Oh, Fuck!” Emily covered her mouth with her hands, staring at your body in shock and horror. 

She slowly stepped toward your body and placed her hand around your neck, most likely trying to find a pulse.

“Shit!” she stepped back in horror. 

“You’re actually dead!” 

“And with my human body dead. I do not think there’s any way for me to turn back,” you placed the cover back over your body so Emily didn't have to keep staring at it. 

There was a momentary silence as Emily tried to progress everything. 

“So, what now?” Emily looked toward you. 

“I don’t know. I can’t show myself in the camp like this,” you replied. 

“Well… if this alien machine thing caused you to switch bodies, then maybe there is an alien machine that could revive you?” Emily suggested. 

“I’m pretty sure my body would rot beyond repair before I could find such a machine,” you said. “I’m not even sure what I am right now,” you added. 

“Maybe you could find the other robots?” she said. 

“This one tried to kill me when it saw me. I don’t think the robots with this symbol are friendly,” you said, pointing at the symbol on your chest. 

“Well, fuck! I don’t know what to suggest!” Emily threw her arms around. 

You pondered that yourself. Your human body was dead. You were now a robot. This was anything but how your summer was supposed to go. It was so wrong. Everything in your body felt wrong. Your metallic limbs were heavy as shit. You needed to drag them with force to make them move. You had to get used to having three talons for fingers. And everything is now super small compared to you. 

You honestly wanted to cry and scream your heart out. If you even have a heart anymore. 

“Hey… (Name),” Emily caught your attention. She was looking at you with concern in her eyes. You realized you must have looked pretty distraught for her to notice. 

“We’ll get through this. I… know you must be scared right now,” she said, touching your hand with her much smaller hand. 

“How? I’m a giant robot now. How are we supposed to get through this?” you asked. 

“We’ll figure something out. We don’t know everything, but… at least you’re still alive… technically,” she glanced toward your covered human body. 

“You would help me even if I became… this,” you motioned your robot body. 

“Of course! Robot or not, you are still my best friend. I’m honestly more happy that you’re okay,” she comforted. “I don’t know what I would have done if this was to be our last summer together,” she said, looking down. 

You looked at her more comfortably, feeling bad for what you thought about doing earlier. “I…” you hesitated. “I’m sorry…” you uttered. 

“What for?” Emily looked at you confused. 

“I..- I considered leaving instead of showing myself to you. I was scared how would you react,” you confessed with guilt in your now blue eyes. 

“Don’t be. I would’ve probably been batshit scared too if I suddenly became a giant robot. The whole camp would have probably called the military on me,” Emily said with a dry chuckle. “But I am glad you did.” she smiled. 

You wanted to cry from her assuring words. You knew she was a great person, but you never thought she would help even after showing what you had become. 

She hushed when she saw you were about to cry. “It’s going to be okay. We’ll get through this together,” she said and hopped on your knee. You gently wrapped your large fingers around her and she held them back. 

“Can you stay here for a while? you asked. 

“Of course. We find out what to do with your body, then we’ll figure out how to go from here. Okay?” she said. 

“Okay,” you nodded, basking in the comfort of her presence. You were now more happy that you decided to tell her. You no longer felt alone in your tragic situation. 

[heartfullofleeches]

ok but mono w stoner darling how would THAT go 😭

Funnily enough, I think these two could be quite happy together. How I imagine it is Mono first learns of Darling through the post they made while high out of their mind rambling about numerous topics from their life to whatever random shit their inebriated mind cooks up like how much it sucks food doesn't taste like it did when you bought it when you reheat it in the microwave. Mono finds their bizarre post cute, and it gives them some insight to the human world which is the excuse Mono uses to stalk their page.

Mono eventually reaches out to darling. They're on the fence about whether to reveal they are an alien royal or just pretending that they're a human liking Darling. Something tells them Darling wouldn't care too much either way, but they still aren't sure. It slips somewhere along the way, but as Mono first assumed Darling doesn't give a damn. Having an alien penpal is probably the coolest thing that ever happened to them. Mono keeps their distance for the most part, but one of Darling's post finally gives them the push to meet their starlight in person.

"The world feels so small sometimes... I look out at the stars some nights and I wonder if the universe is just as tiny. I'll probably never get to find out myself, but it's nice to dream that I could....."

"My ship is outside."

".....fr?"

Darling probably thinks they're joking around at first, but the second they step outside they see a big ass alien robot carrying a bouquet of their favorite flowers. Flowers they had told Mono about. Darling is glad to abandon their old life, but they don't think they have enough weed in their stash to last them for however long they're away. Mono's ten steps ahead of them on that front. Its always had a bit of a green thumb so adding a few herb plants to their horde was no sweat off their shoulders. Sectioned off an entire quarter of their garden/lab just to grown more for Darling. Dabbles around in edibles and oils as well - anything to make sure Darling is happy and feels like they never have to leave their ship beyond the trips they take to new worlds.

Mono would have Darling hooked up, but they'd also have Darling fucked up and high out of their mind playing around with different strains to ensure Darling gets the maximum high.

-

Mono: Starlight? You haven't given me an update on the last batch of edibles I brought to you. It has been roughly twelve hours since you digested them. Would you care for more?

Stoner Reader, cradling the ship ai's monitor they ripped out of a wall - staring at the ceiling as they whisper : I think.... I think I'm good for now

-

Mono is an amalgamation of flesh and metal so they probably could get stoned with Darling. They are a little hesitant about letting Darling update their blog due to still being in hiding from its family, but they cave everytime Darling asks them to join them for a picture flashing that adorable smile of theirs Mono can't help but fall more in love with whenever Darling blesses them with a glimpse of it.

[minisugakoobies]

💚 or ❤️ with Lee Know

Oooh, my choice? Ok!! Let's go with: 💚 [ Seductive ] - A deep, slow, and deliberately intense kiss filled with passion and desire

Also I wrote more Spidey!Minho 🕸���💕

***********

"I always imagined one day I'd end up in one of your webs - but I have to admit, I didn't quite picture it like this."

You stare down at the spiderweb hanging hundreds of feet down from the edge of the platform on which you stand. It’s strung up between two nearby buildings, swaying patiently as it waits to catch you.

Minho rolls his eyes at your quip. Why did he decide to go along with your plan? Defeating the super AI trying to take over the world by blowing up its server farm from the top of the building down? It's insane. You're insane.

"Enough with the flirting already. Don’t make me restrain you," he threatens, shooting a tendril of webbing at you, enough to wrap around your wrists, tying them together.

You look at your bound hands, raising an eyebrow. "Okay, now who’s flirting?" you croon playfully.

"Stop making me regret our little deal," Minho groans, rubbing at his head through the holes in his ripped mask. The two of you had promised not to attack one another in the name of saving the world. Teaming up with you was a terrible idea, but he’s desperate. Why else would he turn to his nemesis for help? "How long do we have?"

"Until the bombs I set send this building and all those crazy robots inside straight to hell where they belong? Maybe five minutes?" You glance at your watch. "Uh, maybe five minutes four minutes ago, that is."

Minho rips off what's left of his mask to gawk at you. "What?!"

"We have sixty seconds left, so, uh - better make them count!"

Minho's eyes widen as you loop your bound arms over his neck and kiss him.

When he thinks back on it later, and he will think about it, a lot, he'll tell himself it's the adrenaline surging through his veins that makes his heart race as your lips touch his. That the exhilaration of the moment compels him to clutch at you, holding you tight.

But the way he kisses you back... well, that he can't explain. Maybe he's insane now, too. It's an intense feeling, whatever it is, and he gives in to it, mouth moving fervently with yours, every press of your lips burning him up inside, on and on and…

Minho slowly realizes there has been a distinct lack of explosions. “Uh, what happened to sixty seconds??”

You check your watch. “Oh, ha! I got the hands mixed up. Damn, I’m always doing that.” Minho can’t do anything but stare as you rip your wrists apart and back away from him, towards the edge of the platform. “But we’re definitely down to like thirty seconds, so… catch me if you can!” 

You jump. The building beneath his feet begins to shake, and he springs into action, diving forward. He reaches you just before you hit the web, and wraps himself around you, helping you tuck and roll safely across the woven landing pad.

He lands on top of you, automatically giving you a once-over to make sure you’re not injured, like he’d do for anyone else he just rescued from a death-defying drop.

“I knew you’d save me,” you sigh, staring up at him with lovestruck eyes. 

He groans, flopping onto his back. Yeah. Definitely insane.

(@minttangerines @kiestrokes @chans-room)

[violetmina]

Chokehold - Ch.12

Chokehold Masterlist

Accepting taglist requests!

Taglist: @roundroald @i-wished-upon-a-star-one-night @sexytholland @scraftsku35 @avastrasposts @missihart23 @ladyvillainous @elementress44 @haibara-ai-tsii @123passwort @sanscas @lulzbrokenbyfantasy @icantevenchoose @marksassybanana @a-rogue-tiddy-bot​ @itsyellow​ @lmarina2000​ @d3adite666 @casualfansoul @missrandomheart @cvstle @elianamarie-blog @1970sbitch @depressed-but-make-it-cute @loversjoy @raktajinoaddict @trisaratops-mcgee @faith-alons26 @mrsdarcyinlovewithbuckybarnes @writersmulti

Pairing: Billy Butcher x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4,394

Warning: Swearing, adult themes, mild violence, and as always - Butcher.

A/N: Life is messy and so is this chapter. But we're finally here after too long of a hiatus. Again, I thank you all for your patience and hope it's to your liking.

Much to your dismay - and most likely his as well - Butcher did not return that night to your bed. Which had been plenty warm thanks to him giving you plenty to think about in the car. Another cold shower to shock you into the day ahead, a rushed cup of caffeine, and you'd managed to get to work on time and in a…tolerable mood. By the time you had finished your shift, your mood had improved from tolerable to okay. And once you were knocking on Hughie's apartment door, Annie greeted a pleasant version of you.

“Perfect! You're right on time,” she beams.

“You look particularly perky,” you comment, watching her glide about as she gathers her things. Hughie just shrugs, smiling at her buoyancy with you.

She pulls a ball cap snug to her crown. “Homelander has started his apology tour. Both he and his entire team of wranglers have been fucking insufferable. He's like a man-child stuck in the corner with the PR dunce cap.”

Annie shrugs on a mini backpack, swoops in and wraps an arm around your shoulder. “And you got me out of the tower before I blew every fucking fuse in the building. Soooo, yeah. I'm glad to be anywhere but there right now.”

She blows Hughie a quick kiss, which he makes a show of catching, and practically lifts you through the door. She jams her sunglasses on, hissing, “Let's go, go, go!”

For the first few minutes, you stumble after her as she winds you over a convoluted route through the city. Finally you just step onto the subway as the doors begin to close, and slump into a seat next to her. Annie sighs briefly before digging into her backpack. She rummages until her hand emerges with a couple of granola bars and hands one to you.

“So, this Torsten guy,” you ask as you unwrap the treat. “What do I need to know?”

Annie shrugs after a bite. “He's surprisingly down to earth for some of the people he's made costumes for. Before they became really famous, I mean. Sassy on a good day. Not much to say. But he'll do great work. He always did for me.”

You almost ask her for the nitty, gritty on the Seven. And Vought, and Stormfront. And especially Homelander. But you don't see yourself spontaneously obtaining the ability to rip his head off, and therefore have no desire or intention to meet him any time soon. Plus you know Annie has been through it already. Hughie admitting to manipulating her the way he had in the beginning had shocked and appalled you. You never thought he had it in him. But things were supposed to be different now, and you wanted to help keep it that way.

Instead, you sit in what counts in New York as semi-comfortable silence, making quick work of the snack. Soon enough the train pulls up to a stop in lower Manhattan and you follow Annie's lead. More for her benefit than yours, you do your best to not draw any attention to either of you. You can't imagine what it feels like to have little to no anonymity like she does.

Within two blocks from the station, Annie turns you down a more cramped alley, reaching a small steel door tucked just off the pavement. She knocks twice, then twice again. When it swings open she pulls you in behind by the sleeve. 

It's dim for a small second before you turn a corner and enter a warm, welcoming parlor. You see one wall lined with bolts of fabric, the other with a few mannequins sporting custom suits, one with what you presume is a prom gown. But you see no signs of any supe work done here.

Just as you see an archway with a curtain, a sewing machine beyond just peeking behind, a wry old man with wild white hair passes through it. “Starlight!,” he grins, a crisp hint of German in his accent when he greets her.

“Hey Torsten. It's so good to see you. I know we’re both on a tight schedule, so I'll make this quick. This is Y/N, my friend I told you about.”

“You are the lady who needs a gown for a gala, correct?,” he inquires as he shakes one of your hands in both of his, peering at you over half-rim glasses.

“Yes, and unfortunately on short notice.”

“And you need full range of motion is my understanding. Are we expecting…trouble?” Before you can reply he winks. “No need to answer.  Your reasonings are not for me to know nor pry. If you're comfortable, I need to begin measuring you right away. You can tell me your ideas as I go. Yes?”

You nod and Annie finds a bench to sit on as he begins to work. He flicks and tracks a soft measuring tape about you, tossing you fabric and color ideas, muttering numbers in between. He is quick, precise, and you see exactly what Annie was talking about.

In a matter of short minutes, he drapes the tape over his shoulders and strides back through the curtain. He returns with a rack of what you assume are sample dresses. “Starlight, you know how your movement is when working. Help her compare these silhouettes, please.”

When Torsten disappears behind the curtain again, you turn to Annie. “He's …efficient?”

She nods. “Very. He's no bullshit. I've always liked that about him. I wish he could be my designer at Vought. But he's too good for those soul sucking leeches.” She pulls out a beige, chiffon dress off the rack with a teasing look. “So? Are we going with a puffy princess theme?”

“Go to hell,” you laugh.

You set to the task of raking over the samples your new tailor has presented. It's easy to shove aside anything overly glitzy or flashy. The mission requires you to be subtle, not draw attention. By the time your fingers skim over the last sample, you feel like a fish out of water.

“Help me out here, Annie. What would you look for?”

She contemplates the rack. “Well what are they teaching you? Are you sneaking in weapons?”

Your stomach drops for a split second when you feel the words form on your tongue; Billy is teaching me jiu jitsu. But you swallow them back and shrug, unnerved at how close you just came to letting the cat out of the bag.

Why don't you tell her all your wet dreams about him while you're at it?, the little voice sneers.

“Umm…what about the less you know the better? How far does that go?”

“I need a little context to be helpful here,” she deadpans behind a sequined nightmare.

You clear your throat before answering, “I think…some grappling stuff? Definitely some hand to hand. And some weapons training, but I doubt I'll be able to sneak anything into the event.”

“Okay. So our priorities are mobility, subtlety and classy enough for black tie.” Annie swipes out three of the samples and shoves them into the flashy reject pile. “Absolutely no mermaid cut.” She taps her chin before adding four more. “And nothing poofy, or has excess fabric.”

After a little more refining, the two of you manage to trim the choices down to three. Torsten returns to eye each one, glancing at you in between his silent judgements. “Do you favor one over the others?”

You shake your head.

He smiles slowly. “Would you like me to surprise you?”

You glance at Annie, who nods emphatically. “He's never been wrong. Trust me.”

You shrug. “What the hell. As long as I have it by the event, and I can take care of business, I'll leave it in your hands.”

“Wunderbar. I will begin immediately.” He shakes your hand. “Starlight, which of you should I deliver it to?”

^^^

You had made far quicker work of getting your dress taken care of than either of you expected. In which case, Annie had just enough time to grab a bite to eat before returning to Vought. You snag some quick delicacies at a food truck and slink off to one of Annie's favorite spots at the closest park.

Sitting on the bench, watching others wander about the park and each other, you eat your fill, making conversation with Annie between bites with a bit of contentment. A rare feeling with all the chaos that usually drowns your life. And you allow a little gratitude to silently wash over you.

You glance at her, certain Annie must be more grateful to have this brief moment this evening than even you. You catch her eye as she gives a slow smile. But the look in her eye doesn't seem to be gratitude. It's almost mischievous. Or suspicious.

You stare back, waiting. When her smile just grows, you shrug. “You know I'm not telepathic right?”

“Mmhm.”

“So what's the look for?”

“You just look happy. Like really happy.” She shrugs back. Then without missing a beat, “You got laid, didn’t you?”

You gape at her. “Jesus, Annie! That was subtle! No, I did not. Not that it's your business.”

“Shame,” she giggles. “I don't know what they taught you about body language last night, but they sure as hell didn't cover how to check your own. So…” She tilts her head in a dramatic flair of pensiveness. “Glowy, not getting laid. But your frustrated tone says you wish you were.”

“Oh God, Annie…”

“So must be new, something budding-” Annie stops dead. You stare back, aggravated as a new look on her face appears, dramatics and teasing gone. “Oh.” Her eyes widen a little. “Oh wait. Holy shit, you're seeing someone.” Then conspiratorially, “Are you in-?”

“Don't you dare finish that sentence,” you snap, your chest tightening. This was not happening. This was not supposed to be happening!

“Okay, okay, sorry.” She shifts in her seat on the bench to turn towards you. Full attention now and you resist the urge to squirm. “But you…you have someone, don't you? You're seeing someone.” She smiles, more reassuring now. “That's a good thing. Right?”

“I don't know,” you sigh. “It's-”

You hear more than see her eyes roll. “If you say ‘it's complicated’...”

“It is. It's complicated.”

She scoffs before lowering her voice. “I'm one of the Seven and my boyfriend is a former supe-killing vigilante, now a prominent member of the FBSA. And that's just the shorthand version.You wanna talk about complicated?”

You nod in defeat at that. “Then maybe you of all people will understand when I say…”

The words are difficult to catch, put them in a way that won't have you completely spilling your guts. You're in big trouble if Annie, whom you see fleetingly, is already catching a whiff of your feelings. You can only imagine Hughie's face if she figured it out and relayed it back to him. And Butcher..?

“Understand what?”

You turn to face her with a tinge of earnestness. “I don't know what this new thing is with this - person I'm seeing. But it's new, and complicated and exciting. And so very fragile. Which is why I would hope you, of all the people I know and talk to, would understand when I say I'm trying really fucking hard to keep it away from work. From this life we all live. For as long as possible.”

Not a complete lie, the little voice chirps in your skull.

Annie gives you a sympathetic look. “Yeah.” She heaves a sigh. “Fuck, yeah, I understand way more than I want to.” Just as you think you're off the hook, she asks, “Can I at least get a name? Tell Hugh-?”

“No,” you answer sharp, quick and unyielding. “No. I think this…thing should develop a bit more before I…you know.”

“Fine. If that's what you want, I'll keep your secret lover on classified.” Annie wags an eyebrow at you. “You just want to make sure they can rock your world before bringing them around, huh?”

“You're insufferable, Annie. Hughie is rubbing off on you.” The two of you share a few giggles over the bad innuendo before your phone buzzes in your pocket. You pull out the interrupting device and feel a jolt run through you. Speak of the devil.

The Boys about to clock out. Ditch Tinkerbell and get to the Flatiron in an hour.

“Is that them?,” Annie teases, pretending to crane her neck for a peek.

“Just Butcher,” you reply, sighing in exasperation to hide your eagerness. Maybe finally another rolling session. “More work, and on the double.”

Annie scoffs as you both begin to gather your things. “God, definitely keep him away from your love life.”

You prickle a bit, nearly remind her that she and Hughie technically met only because of Butcher in the first place. But then, from what Hughie had told you, Butcher had also made sure that their beginning had been one big, manipulative lie. And they both had been nearly killed for it. So you take advantage of Annie not even entertaining Butcher as an option, and nod tersely.

“Guess I should head back to work, too,” she sighs. She adjusts her cap low on her head again. “I'll escort you back along the way. Home or straight to the office?”

^^^

After a brief stop at home, you stroll through the office door with perhaps a touch of barely concealed enthusiasm. “Where's the fire?,” you call across the space.

“Did your lil britelite friend scurry back to her ivory tower?,” he ignores your question as he hunches over something at his desk. 

“Annie went back to the tower,” you answered, emphasizing her name, turning down the TV and its news babble as you pass.

“Good. Have fun shopping for yer prom dress? Giggling about like proper schoolgirls, I'm sure.”

You sidle up next to him at the desk, a witty retort forming before you get a glance of the papers stretched under his fingers. Dashes, letters, numbers and polygons catch your attention. “What's this?”

“Frenchie's work. Or the half-ass he could figure out anyway,” he grumbles at the chemical compounds.

“And? What did he find?”

“Still fuck all. Said the shit ain't adding up. And still nothing on that arsehole Walsh. This Persuasion shit is gonna persuade me to drink if we don't get anywhere soon.”

“Is that why you got a hold of me?”

Butcher finally turns from the science scrawling  to greet you. But the trademark smirk you're expecting is missing. “Nah. I needed you to get your pretty ass up here for training.”

“No ambush this time?”

He shakes his head. “No. I already cleared the space.”

You peek over your shoulder. Just as he said, the area was already cleared, floor bare and ready to go. How you didn't notice that upon walking in is beyond you. You begin to feel on edge. Is this a new lesson? Is he putting your new body language decoding to the test already?

You watch him as you follow him over to the open area of the office. Butcher gives no indication of his intentions, not any that you can read that is. But you can feel something off with him. Unreadable as ever. It's honestly beginning to get a little old.

You keep him in your peripheral as you start to move into position for your usual warm ups. He stops you short, saying, “Not this time. We're switching things up.”

“No warm up?”

He pegs you with a hard eye. “You think they gonna let you stretch out there when shit goes sideways?”

“No.” You stare back. “But I'm not out there just yet. Shouldn't we-?”

“Get your hands up.”

You do it almost in knee jerk response at his tone, an eerie level compared to his usual roguish cadence. It's …unnervingly calm for Butcher.

Your hands are barely up in time to catch his right arm as he swings at your head. 

Whatever lightheartedness there had been while out with Annie, it's all withered now. You step into him out of reflex, expecting he's setting up for a review of a throw. Butcher however has other plans, and you narrowly duck out of reach as his left hand snatches forward. You stumble back, back, back.

“What are we doing?” It comes out a little breathless as you watch him, not daring to blink. He had by no means gone full speed. But it had been too close even at that. Just the right amount of effort to put you on your toes, make you wary.

“Told ya - mixing things up. Right time you get your hands a little dirty.”

“Dirty how-” You're cut off as you manage to block a knee coming at you with your hands. It leaves you stumbling. “Butcher, the fuck?!”

“You can't go out there with just grappling. You know that.”

He's nearly on you in one long stride, and you duck past his left arm as he jabs. But you dodge too carelessly, right into his right hand. You flinch as you brace for a punch, but he grabs the back of your neck instead. His other arm becomes a vice. You're wrapped tightly against him and you try to catch your breath as he stares down at you.

“You do know that, yeah?” When you don't respond he continues with some frustration. “If I had a knife in my hand, the rest of it would be buried in your bloody guts right now. And a gun? Not a fucking chance.”

“I get that,” you bite out against his tight grip. “So what do you mean by getting my hands dirty?”

“I mean some shit that's a lil bit meaner.” He lets go and steps back to wag a finger at you. “If you think I'm gonna teach you to play fair, yer wrong.”

You take a couple steps back, trying again to read him, practicing your other new skills. The tension in his shoulders and chest tell you he's irritable. What's new there? His eyes give no other clues. His tone is still too level. You still can't figure out what's going on with him.

“So what dirty trick comes first?”

Butcher swings again, no warning. You step into him for a more careful block. He counters, locking your arm in his and you flinch again as he stops just short of headbutting you. His forehead presses against yours instead.

“That was easy, right? Throwing my skull about. And I've broke many a fucker’s face with that. But I've broken my own a time or two in the process, some I can't even remember. So don't ever do that unless you really fucking have to. Got it?”

Before you can say anything he pushes away from you. “What you do go after is all the tender bits. Eyes, nose, ears, throat, and everything with the short and curlies. Nothing is off limits.”

You nod.

“Say it!”

You blink at his snap and bark back, “Nothing is off limits! So what the fuck do I do to it?” You cut him off before he can answer. “Actually, no. I'm not doing shit.”

“Beg your fuckin’ pardon?,” he growls.

“The fuck is your problem, Butcher.”

“Oh, I'm looking at it.”

You quickly weigh your options of how to handle him, trying one last time to get a read on him. Then take a deep breath and throw the sane ones to the wind. “Stop pussyfooting with me. Give me a straight answer.”

His silence is heavy and glaring.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Another beat. “You could've taught this no different than the other times. What do you want?”

He keeps his lips sealed. He's been ornery before. But this is bodaciously aggravating. You feel hot, and not in the way he usually makes you feel.

“What is your problem asshole?!”

Finally a crack, and it slithers into that all too familiar smirk across his face. “Guess I didn't tell ya before.”

“Tell me what?”

“You look good enough to eat when you're this mad.”

And we're back to the other hot.

Oh no. You're not letting him get off that easy. “Give me a straight answer, or I'll walk.”

The smirks slightly falters. But his eyes still glint back at you. With that, you turn to call his bluff, catching a glimpse of the TV again as you do so. It's a news segment on the upcoming gala. Several photos of previous Vought parties and galas roll across the screen as the anchors give their spiel, showing off the supes.

“When you'd get the bullocks?”

A hand grabs yours. You didn't even hear him cross the floor. He continues, “You never talked to me like that before. Not really.”

You arch an eyebrow at him. “Thought that was the point. Growing a backbone and all that jazz before I have to go waltzing with those Vought pricks.”

The huffy tension in him slides just a little. “It is,” he admits. Finally. He glares at the TV. “And I don't nearly have enough time to teach you all you might need.”

You look back at the TV just in time to see a picture of a Vought Christmas party with Homelander and Maeve…

Oh.

…shit.

You turn back to Butcher, unsure what to say. All the options that came to mind felt pointless as your brain scrambles. What do you say? That was over a decade ago? There won't be any supes at the gala? You're gonna be fine? And then the words are out your mouth before you think, before you can catch them- 

“I'm not her.”

His eyes latch onto you, and surely as fast your own slip, he replies, “No you're fucking not.”

It has no bite to it, but it hits you in the gut all the same. And by the way he rapidly blinks, you realize it hit him, too. He rubs a hand over his face. Softer, almost hard for you to hear, “I meant…you're not. And I never taught her enough to not be either. Even if I had… it wouldn't've been fucking enough against him anyway.”

The uncertainty of what the hell to say to that is heavy, choking. Maybe it's your own foot in your mouth. It's almost certain you'd bungle it more and you were lucky enough he was still here in the office with you, let alone holding your hand. You don't know what the fuck to do.

Should've thought more about that widower thing, huh?

Butcher withdraws his hand. “That straightforward enough for ya?”

You nod, your brain no longer scrambling. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

He nods. “Yeah. Good.” He backs up, making a come hither motion. “Let's try this shit again. Start over.”

You can read him plenty well now. Because he's closed off, the subject is not to be brought up again. You feel more than see it in his shoulders, the way his mouth is set, the forced air of nonchalance. There's only the slightest undertone of anticipation, as if he's half waiting for you to leave.

“I'll take you home when we're done,” he says, a hidden message there in his eyes. Not a heated one with lusty promise but the closest to an olive branch he probably knows how to give. You might have asked for a straight answer. But you were damn sure not getting an apology. And you felt that he wouldn't hear one from you either.

You nod slowly. “Ok.”

^^^

You're not certain but the session felt short to you this time. Only an hour or so of Butcher walking you through all the vicious little ways you can hurt somebody. Simple tricks to remove an ear barehanded, where to strike at the throat, how little pressure it actually takes to blow out a knee. But even in that time you had become tired, more tired than normal it seems. You never quite shook off the heaviness of that moment and you noticed it clung to him, too, when he followed you into your apartment.

The idea of small talk to break the silence makes you almost cringe, so you turn to your bedroom to change into your sleep clothes. When you return, you walk out to find him leaning against the counter, staring into space. You pull him from his thousand yard stare by squeezing two of his fingers. You want to offer him some food but instead it comes out as, “You can stay.”

Butcher looks at you, mulls something over. Before he can say it, you offer an olive branch of your own. Not the only one you can think of but the only one you know he'd take.

“I want you to stay.”

Butcher eyes grow just a little softer. Then he nods. “Yeah. I'll stay.”

He pulls you into him, and you wrap your arms around him for an embrace that is too short for your liking. He gestures to your bedroom. “You're knackered. Get you some sleep.” Then after a beat, “I'll be here when you wake up.”

You nod, trying not to feel slighted and wish him a good night. As he heads to your couch, you try to just feel grateful that he's even here and hadn't ripped your fucking head off for your slip back at the office.

The rollercoaster of the day, however, leaves you just as restless as it does tired. You toss and turn into the wee hours of the morning, not quite asleep, not quite awake. Somewhere in that limbo you slip out of bed and pad back to your living room. You find him standing at the end of the couch, staring out the window, his dark eyes sweeping the rooftops and the skyline. As if searching the dark for something.

You don't say anything. Instead, you gently lace your fingers with his and pull him till he slowly turns away from the curtains. Butcher follows silently as you pull him down to the couch, and without a word crawls in behind you like the night of his injuries. Without a word, he pulls his coat over the both of you best as he can. And only then do you finally drift to sleep.

[micer2012]

hi :D

xisuma talked about the theory (the one game theory stole) about 38 minutes into the latest stream! (Feb 4)

he once again mentioned that yeah, he belives game theory plagiarized it, but he also mentioned that your theory included the point that was based on a rendering issue (and GT "made the same mistake") and idk if he mentioned it before but now I'm wondering what that part is 🤔

that's it ty byeee

HOLY SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

2/4/24 Hermitcraft 10 | First Stream with Sicksuma! 31:48:

“Hey X, big fa[n], wanted to know if you watched the Hermitcraft game theory and what you think about it.”

Yeah I did see it, and…

I still, I still have very mixed feelings about it. I don’t wanna get dragged into, yknow, um… A sorta calling people out or anything like that, but the explanation, that we were given about that had never been satisfactory for me. 

I-I really think that that was plagiarized. Um- The biggest reason I think it was is because… Apart from the theory being SO on point with this fan theory, like beat for beat, the fan theory, the original one, has a detail in it, which is a complete and utter misunderstanding of something that was just a rendering issue? There was a rendering issue in the video that this fan extrapolated into meaning something. And then, so did the Game Theorists, um… fan theory or whatever you wanna call it, right? They made the same extrapolation on a rendering error, to me it was just… too uncanny, and… supposedly, no, the writers never did that, uh, y’know I’m not here to say they did or they didn’t, it’s of course entirely possible and you can never know, it’s just it never satisfied me, it never felt right. 

So um, yeah, I-I still feel not too great about that. Like it was nice to have my story in a big video, that- that felt really cool, but the way in which it happened, not cool I don’t think. It just, uh, I don’t buy it. 

[...]

34:35: “X doesn’t buy his own lore, that’s so damn cool” says memcbest- I don’t know what you mean by that, I’m not saying I don’t buy my own lore I’m saying- I think- I think it was plagiarism. I really do. Like I said, an uncanny amount of similarities, like beat for beat with this fan theory, and then even misinterpreting a rendering error the same way, it just- it didn’t feel right AT all. It really felt like this had been ripped off. 

…So yeah, so therefore, I feel bittersweet about it. Like it’s cool that there’s a video out there on Evil X, but it… it should’ve been made by someone else, y’know. Or with the original theorist’s consent. That’s how I feel about it. 

Later on he goes on about other channels not citing their sources and furthering the same misunderstanding/false info because they’re just plagiarizing from each other, but it’s not directly related so I won’t transcribe it. He says plagiarism is an interesting topic to think about. He also talks about how AI will make it worse, and about having seen the hbomberguy video ^^

I THINK. THE RENDERING ERROR HE'S TALKING ABOUT IS the point of EX's eyes reflecting as Jeff's i put at the end of my first post:

BUT ANYWAY. THIS MEANS A LOT TO MEEE THIS REALLY DOES MEAN A LOT. the stance xisumas given before this to my knowledge is "it looks suspicious but we cant know unless they say something" so to hear. someone who absolutely has all the facts, is unbiased towards either of us, say firmly game theory's statement doesn't hold up and it's Obvious it's copied from mine. IT. MEANS A LOTTTT

[aihoshiino]

chapter 154 thoughts

Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: 11

Aqua Hoshigan Status: (Still) white

man

This is one of those chapters where, technically speaking, I should probably be tearing it to bits (AND I DEFINITELY WILL) - it represents a pretty substantial break in or retcon to the series continuity as it's been presented to us thus far and the actions of certain characters in the lead up to this event don't quite make sense if they've had access to some of the information that's seemingly been in their hands for a while but… would you guys forgive me if I said I didn't really care LOL. As I've said before, I'm the sort of reader who can excuse a lot of raw Plot Bullshit so long as I feel like the hearts of the characters are intact and for all its fumbles, this is a chapter I think is unerringly dedicated to the hearts of its characters. I've made no secret of the fact that Ai is and always has been my main avenue of investment in Oshi no Ko as a series and in this chapter, we uncover the final secret in her heart in particular after having the entire series thus far dedicated to laying it bare to us.

We pick up exactly where we left off last chapter with the reveal that the HKAI breakup was indeed founded on Ai's pregnancy, as a lot of us had predicted.

This, uh, does not quite line up with previous events!

From what we'd previously been told, in terms of placement in the timeline, the death of Airi and her husband happened after the twins were born and sometime in the leadup to the Dome concert, which would put it in the ballpark of Ai's 18th to 20th birthday depending on how long it was in the works for. But based on how this flashback section is structured, it seems to place their deaths before Ai even knew she was pregnant, let alone giving birth. If it was just clashing with 15YL's retelling then I could dismiss that as an element of the movie's fictionalization that we've seen and Kamiki alludes to but this also clashes with where this event was placed temporally by Ichigo, when remembering a real life event. So… What gives!!!!

Like, at the end of the day, the exact placement of Uehara's death only matters inasmuch as it needs to be before Ai gets her new apartment, since the point Ichigo is really making is that Aqua is pinning his hopes on a dead man who was dead before he could have ever contributed to Ai's murder. But placing it that far back in the timeline - before the twins were even born! - just makes Aqua's willful ignorance in relation to it come off as a lot sillier and more difficult to swallow than if it happened closer to Ai's actual date of death.

I'm also a little disappointed that we really quickly breeze past Ai revealing she's pregnant - it's not the point of the scene overall and it would be weird to go really deep into her POV in the middle of a Kamiki flashback but one of my big issues with the Movie Arc was that it ripped past anything and everything to do with Ai's pregnancy, including how she herself felt about being pregnant. Like I said in my 145 review, skipping over the parts of it we've seen makes sense but I think there's still a bunch of really fascinating potential in exploring how Ai felt when she realized she was pregnant - how did she hide it for long enough that she was almost halfway through her pregnancy and getting fucking enormous before her first checkup? How did Ichigo and Miyako react when they first got the news? There's so much juicy character and relationship work you could mine out of that but the story fails to do so. We sort of get a crumb of this in the DVD but her feelings there are all centered on the pregnancy in relation to Hikaru and even then she breezes past it so fast it's clearly not meant to be the focus of any of what she's saying and idk. For a character whose entire hook is her struggles with motherhood, familial love and all the rest of it, that's a little disappointing.

THAT SAID!!! All that makes me sound like I didn't like what went on with Ai this chapter but I actually loved it. It's so painfully in line with everything we've been told and shown about her thus far in the manga and in this chapter, we see all her strengths, weaknesses and human contradictions laid bare in a way I find incredibly rewarding and compelling.

The HKAI breakup especially is just soooooo deliciously cringe inducing. It's an echo of the argument with Nino that 15YL portrays, where Ai's good intentions, avoidant tendencies and absolute absence of tact all snowball and end up ruining one of her most important relationships. Like… I can't believe I'm about to say this about a conversation in which Ai is one of the people talking, but she really is the reasonable one here! She's right to identify that their relationship is not working, that adding babies and marriage to the mix will only make things worse - her intentions, as they always are, are good and she's making her decisions with Kamiki in mind… her delivery is just absolutely dogshit!!! GIRL, PLEASE, YOUR WORDS!!!! USE YOUR WORDS!!!!!

For all my issues with Akasaka's writing lately, I think he portrays these kinds of two sided failures of communication so well, where you can see exactly where both characters are coming from and why they are failing to get their feelings across to each other. From an outsider's POV it's clear as day that Ai views herself and her children as the burden, one she doesn't want to put on Kamiki for the sake of a girl who doesn't even know if she can love him… but is it any wonder why Kamiki took it the way he did and why his guts were so utterly wrenched out as a result?

Kamiki's attempted proposal and Ai's immediate rejection of it are really interesting with the context of 45510 in particular. Extrapolating from her talk of marriage there, she brushed him off so quickly because she simply didn't believe he was serious… and yeah, he's pretty clearly not fully cognizant of the weight of what he's trying to propose, never mind that he's meeting "let's break up" with "LET'S GET MARRIED" lol.

Also interesting to extrapolate from both 45510 and other material surrounding Ai is that, at that point in her life, she simply didn't understand what the point of marriage was. On top of her being Literally Sixteen And A Child right now, Ai is said to have come from a deeply dysfunctional home where her mother engaged in a number of equally dysfunctional relationships, at least one of whom was with a man who was creeping on Ai even as he was working up to marry her mom. It's no wonder she doesn't really take the idea of marriage seriously, but it still hurts so see her reject Kamiki so bluntly - even more bluntly in the Japanese text somehow, simply chirping 無理! (Muri!) in response, i.e, not just "no way" but telling Kamiki to his face it's impossible.

Honestly this whole breakup scene is so darkly hilarious just in terms of how bad Ai is completely beefing it. Congrats babygirl that's the worst anyone's ever done it!!!

And we finally get the "I can't love you" drop after just shy of 25 chapters of buildup…….. And honestly, it feels a little hollow.

I talked about this a little before so forgive me for repeating myself but that line - or rather, Aqua and Ruby's implied misunderstanding of it - from Ai to Hikaru was given a huge amount of weight in the story when it was first introduced. It was implied to be the lynchpin in which everything else about the HKAI romance rested only for the story to go UH WELL ACTUALLY IT'S ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT AI FORGIVES HER KILLER which is like… fine, it just feels very jarring on a reread or when trying to sew together a plot thread like this. It especially feels strange because the emphasis is placed on them not getting it right or at least that Gotanda disagrees with their interpretation, only for the manga to whip back around and not only return this line to its previous heightened importantance but also to largely not line up with what was established about this line and its place in the narrative when it was first introduced. It's just more evidence that Akasaka's plans for the Movie Arc and its resolution changed in some way during serialisation because these inconsistencies are pretty glaring.

Not just that, but like… it's hard to feel impacted by this line when we didn't even see it in the Movie Arc. In general, it's so fucking weird that so much about the main emotional resolutions going on right now revolve around Ruby's performance in the movie when most of the big emotional moments people are reacting to are happening entirely offscreen. This would already be bad even if it wasn't taking place in a manga like OnK with its increasingly frustrating habit of offscreening more and more bits of the story that are extremely important for the characters. Before this chapter I would've said that maybe we'd see some of it after the movie released but given that Kamiki's arc and the revenge play as a whole is pretty clearly wrapping here, what would even be the point of it?

Idk. It's just increasingly obvious (and just as frustrating) to me just how much of the Movie Arc was wasted time and how much of the setup that needed to happen to make what follows really land just… didn't. This chapter's resolution for Ai and Hikaru, both separately and as a couple, is still excellent, but it could have been a lot better if its foundations weren't so meager.

We also finally get concrete proof from the horse's mouth that Kamiki was the one who deliberately leaked Ai's address and……. honestly this is kind of a wet fart too lol. OnK has previously very strongly implied that "Kamiki is Ai's killer" was a red herring or that we should at least be slightly skeptical of Aqua's assertions and conclusions but… nope, he was right all along, I guess?? Alright………………………… I certainly don't believe his insistence that gosh he totes didn't think Ryosuke would go THAT far and I'm still wondering wtf the two of them were doing at the hospital the night the twins were born but like. Honestly at this point, I don't really think it matters and I care much more about emotional resolutions than I do granular plot details - and boy do we get one hell of an emotional resolution.

I haven't shouted her out yet because I was saving it for this section but fuck, man, Mengo's expression work told chapter is killer as usual but this final stretch of pages is just gutwrenching. Ai's gentle, rueful smile on the DVD contrasted with the look of shocked, dawning understanding on Kamiki's….. Jesus Christ.

And at last, we uncover the final secret hidden at the bottom of Ai's heart. The entire manga thus far has been a process of stripping away the viewer's willful ignorance with regards to Ai's humanity but the DVDs had been an oddly ominous mystery box floating around, containing some implied dark secret that would change the entire trajectory of Ai's character as we knew it… but of course, the person who tells us that is Ai herself, a girl who hates herself, thinks of herself as dirty and impure, irresponsible and incapable of love.

So is it really any surprise that her darkest secret, the thing she can only confess with her eyes shining with black stars is simply that she's a fallible human? That she was a lonely young girl, confused and hurt in her own ways and that she hurt someone she dearly cared for and wanted to take it back?

Is it a little convenient that she put all this in the DVD? Yes, absolutely, and I'll be the first to say that the DVDs existing at all are a pretty clear retcon in service of getting info onto Aqua's hands. But it's also perfectly in line with Ai's timid, avoidant methods of reaching out. It parallels both Viewpoint B and 45510 (moreso the latter) where she pours her heart out in words, waiting for others to read and understand her. In 45510 in particular, her leaving the blog post is an extremely clear and strong parallel to the DVD - love letters put into bottles and thrown to the ocean in desperate hope the person they're addressed to might find and understand them.

As Akane says, Ai is torn between secrecy and a desire to have her true self exposed, so she attempts to craft scenarios in which this must happen, even if her avoidance can only allow her to do so with indirect methods. With the blog and moreso the DVDs & their method of delivery, Ai attempts to create situations where the initiation confrontation and disclosure is out of her hands and she has no choice but to tell the truth.

Ai's entire speech here is just heartbreaking. If the start of the chapter didn't make it explicit enough, we see her here put her good intentions into words to better understand how they were misinterpreted.

This adds SUCH a fascinating additional layer to her death that has me gnashing my fucking teeth. One of the things I've talked about a lot in my Ai meta is that Ryosuke is essentially an agent or even an embodiment of the entertainment industry and the way it has exploited her - the misogyny, entitlement, purity culture and abuse that ruled her life went on to end it. With this additional detail, though, Ryosuke becomes an agent not just of the things that plagued Ai of B-Komachi, but Ai as a human, too. All her life, Ai is willfully misunderstood and mischaracterized by the people around her, assigned narratives and roles without her consent and punished for both living up to and failing to live up to them. Ai's death is the end result of a lifelong cascade of failure on the part of every system and individual that has had the opportunity and responsibility to care for her - and, as Aqua throws in his father's face, that includes Hikaru.

Hikaru's supposed understanding of Ai is not one based in empathy or love but projection and possessiveness - understanding in this context is ownership, exclusivity and frankly, arrogance. A claim to a piece of Ai that no one else knows. But as Aqua forces him to realize… Hikaru never understood Ai, even as she did her best to make herself understood. For all his arrogance of understanding Ai and the nature of their relationship, Kamiki is ultimately just the same as every other person who idolized and objectified her then discarded her when the image they'd created in their mind didn't match reality. Ai wasn't his pure and perfect soulbonded saviour - she was a lonely, broken kid like him, still struggling to understand love after a lifetime spent starved of it.

Once, Kamiki begged Ai to save him. And here, the bitter truth is laid out for all of us: the salvation Kamiki had wished for was waiting for him, reaching out with open arms and he not only desecrated it but irrevocably destroyed any path back towards it. In killing Ai, Hikaru Kamiki killed himself.

The imagery of this moment is so fucking gorgeous. The visual of Kamiki and Ai reaching out to each other, in mutual understanding at last but separated by time and death… the "what if" happy Hoshino family… Ai's words being framed as a 'love letter' that transcended time to reach Kamiki and Aqua's eyes blazing with white as tears pour down his face… Jesus fucking Christ Mengo I'm already dead!!!!!

Like I said up top, I make zero secret of the fact that I am primarily invested in Ai above everything else in the manga and the way her importance has been seemingly downplayed since the late 130s mark chapter wise has really bugged me. As such, this chapter was INSANELY cathartic for me. Not only do we get a really beautiful cap to Ai's post death arc (hopefully finally killing those dumbfuck Secretly Evil Ai theories for good) but it's done in a way that once again recenters her love and her wishes as the heart of everything. Even Aqua's revenge play is completely redefined in this context - no longer the childish, selfish and self destructive lashing out we've seen before but as a quest to both honor Ai and to punish the person arrogantly assuming ownership of her heart even as he so catastrophically misunderstands her.

This is a really fantastic end to Aqua's arc too… on paper, that is. I know for a fact that a certain genre of OnK readers are going to bitch and moan that Aqua didn't run his dad over with a 2003 Honda Civic but I really can't imagine Aqua's revenge quest going any other way unless OnK was intended to be a pure tragedy. Over and over, we have seen that Aqua's revenge is at odds with not just his happiness but with Ai's wish for him to live a full life with a bright future. It is self destructive, hurtful to the people around him and antithetical to any of them moving on and reclaiming what their futures. With the emphasis the story places on moving towards a happy future, in selfishly reclaiming your happiness even in the face of systems that seek to crush you and on honouring Ai's wishes and legacy, it would be flatly thematically incoherent for Aqua to choose killing.

The issue is not with this as Aqua's end point but with the path we've taken to get here. As was the issue with Ruby during the Movie Arc, we don't actually see any of the internal work that happened in service of this arc, just the big emotional end points of offscreen development. But it stings especially bad with Aqua when such a huge chunk of the last few arcs locked us out of his head, sharply contrasting the start of the story that lived and breathed his interiority - AND when this is more or less the capstone to his series long struggle to choose love or revenge. It's not that I dislike this as an emotional payoff for Aqua's revenge - this is more or less beat for beat what I'd expected - but that it lacks proper support from the rest of the story. In general, this chapter falls flatter than it should because all this heightened, dramatic emotion rests on arcs and setup that simply have not been shown to the reader, save for Ai.

Speaking of Ai, the info in the DVD here potentially represents a pretty major break in the continuity of Aqua's behaviour based on when we're told he had access to it but I'm willing to bite my tongue and see if that gets filled in, if only because this chapter review is already so fucking long. Let's just say that I Noticed and I sure hope Aka or his editors did too.

And finally… Oh, hey there, Ruby! Aren't you an interesting little snarl to this chapter. Or maybe "snarl" isn't quite right, but her presence here is potentially interesting either way. I'm not quite sure how to read both her expression and her presence - the expression on her face looks VERY displeased and it looks to me like she's outside the room, so is she maybe eavesdropping and not happy with what she hears? Or is she in on Aqua's talk with Kamiki here and just struggling with her emotions with regards to it all? I'm quiety hoping it's the latter, because it would confirm that Ruby DID recognize her dad in 147 and Akasaka wasn't expecting me to believe he was hitting her with the stupid stick quite that hard lol.

In either case, I'm actually excited to see what Ruby takes away from this. In the ways that AQRB has echoed the HKAI dynamic, Ruby has always been in Kamiki's shoes - the one desperate to be saved, clinging to her oshi and relying on him as her sole bastion of light in the world. So what will she think now after being faced with the logical endpoint of this wished-for codependence? When she sees how destructive and self destructive it can potentially be? Just as she saw Ai reflected in herself, will Ruby see her father in her own reflection - and if so, what will she do about it?

Break next week! So we'll be sitting pretty for two weeks to find out. Not that I actually mind this time because with a chapter like this on top of season 2 of the anime coming back today, a week without a break might have actually killed me… please, akamengo, i'm just a little guy!!!!

[bamsara]

Oooo, for the dialogue prompts "you should have thought about that before you got into a fight" and "I only wanted to help"

I love your works! Your art looks like itd taste like sour patch kids, v nice!! ^^

Sun (Mostly) Centric | Wordcount: 1,147 | AO3 Version

The world has not yet adjusted to the flood of robots merging with day-to-day society.

At least, not in the form they had taken prior. To say that there was some backlash was undercutting it; using arguments of humanity vs machine to its core, despite the clarity that those walking alongside them weren't just AI made to mimic human traits and personality, but sentient beings that develop their own. There's a difference between a chatbot app and your next-door neighbor who just so happens to be made out of metal.

Still, there is progress as much as there are incidents. A recent ruling states that all robots don't need to look human in order to receive the same amount of respect and rights (which is fantastic for all of Fazbear's line up of robots, considering they were animals in nature and all, in all franchises and pizza plexes across the country) but there were...incidents too, some of them making the news.

So when you're out doing some quick shopping for groceries one day and a stranger with a taut face and a sour attitude starts heckling Sun, and that heckling turns to harassment, and thus turns into him reaching for the back of the animatronic's head and pulling at the vulnerable wires there, you clock him.

Hard, actually. Your knuckles hurt like a bitch, but you don't have time to shake the feeling out from your hand because the guy sends one right back and oh, there you go, tumbling in the isle and knocking baking soda and sugar and other cake ingredients off the shelf as the two of you yell profanities and arguments while Sun has a metaphorical loading symbol over his head while he processes the last five seconds.

Now you're both banned from that store. The other guy is too, thankfully. Still sucks though. You didn't get to check out the ingredients for the cake.

"You're a real mess." Sun scolds you, dipping the rag back into the warm water, and bringing it back up to your face. He dabs at the dried blood under your eye, careful not to rub too harshly so as to not irritate the darkening skin beneath it. "Honestly. That could have gone so much worse-"

"Like pulling wires out of your head?" You interrupt. You're not too keen about the bathroom being turned into a lecture hall, and the lid of the toilet seat being your 'time-out' spot as he tends to you. "Yeah, sure. I'll just let the stranger rip out what is essentially your brain cords out of your flat skull and be fine with it."

Sun shoots you a look. The default smile is strained.

"What?" You hiss in the silent pause, and not because of the sting of your eye. "All I'm saying is that this-" A point to your face, "-is preferable than the other outcome."

"Our wires are welded in with steel, so I highly doubt a human could rip them out without some sort of power tool." Sun tuts. "You remember Parts n Service."

He had a point. The machine in Parts n Service did weld his arm back into place at the time, and all the other repairs since then didn't go without some sort of heat tool to make sure everything was properly molded in place. Still, you frown. "It's still fucked up that he did that, though."

"Language."

"We didn't even get the cake mix." A light dab on the eye, you bite your tongue as Sun clears the last of the dried blood from the area. "Shouldn't have banned us. Now we have to go across town to get groceries."

Sun pulls back the rag, stained pink and light brown with old blood, dropping it in the sink to be washed later. "You should have thought about that before getting into a fight."

"I was only trying to help!" You defend, continuing as Sun pulls out the disinfectant in a rather knowing manner. The cut underneath your eye from the guy's ring was about to sting like hell. "And it's not like I was the one who started it!"

He pours a dab of alcohol onto a cotton ball retrieved from the first aid kit, a small puff of white in between large silocone fingers, it's almost comical how he pinches it into place before crouching back down, the cotton ball hovering over your face. "Hush. This is going to sting."

Your mouth thins at the underlying tone of Moon's voice in his scolding, leaning away from the offending ball. "You're such a hypocrite."

A hand comes underneath your chin to hold you in place, thumb pressed into your jawline. "Stop whining."

"How would you feel, huh?" You wrinkle your nose as the disinfectant ball comes closer. "What would you do if someone attacked me like that?"

The cotton ball presses against the cut and you flinch, hard enough that your shoulders hike up and your neck tenses. It stings like hell, searing for a moment before dulling to an aching throb, a hiss in the back of your dry throat.

The Daycare Attendant's thumb keeps in place for a second, then pulls it away, expression unreadable. "The same thing we did the last time someone tried."

You grit your teeth, pressing your lips into a thin line as the stinging starts to fade.

"Though," He continues, pulling the cotton ball away and tossing it into the trash. "While your help is appreciated, It would be very much appreciated if we were to avoid something like that in the future!" He waves his hands, the bright smile returning, and Sun's fingers go behind your ear, pulling back out a colorful bandage. "I think it goes without saying that it makes me very sad to see you all hurt. Not fun at all!"

You blow hot air out of your nose in a huff as he applies the sticky bandage. "Hypocrite."

"There you are! Right as rain, dandy and peachy." Sun pulls back to observe his handiwork, and there's a slight pause. "Well, not quite. You've still got a bit of a shiner. I don't think I have a medicine for that one."

"It makes me look cool." You jest. "I look badass."

The animatronic sighs, heavy and loaded for a robot with no lungs, though his exasperation is evident in his voicebox. "Pulling my wires, our wires, please, you're constantly on them-" He's mumbling, quickly. Still talking even as he cradles your head gently by your jawline, and presses his faceplate to the skin above the black eye. "Afraid that's all I can give."

You wrinkle your nose, smiling. "I think a cake would be great too."

"Thanks to someone-" He starts, rising from a crouched position and taking your hand to help you stand. "It looks like we'll be ordering one from the bakery instead."