#which neither of us (trying to write in our books and not join in the conversation) were especially receptive to

[obstinatecondolement]

I give my dad's brother a pass on never contacting us, as he is more broadly shunning all of my dad's side of the family. He was adopted and was treated like shit by my grandmother, because she a) didn't want to adopt and resented her adopted children, and b) was a fucking racist to her black adopted children, so he doesn't consider us to be his family. Particularly now that he is in contact with his biological mother and half-siblings.

He's also chronically depressed to a very disabling degree and lives in another country, so like... there are barriers to communication there that are different to the rest of the family not talking to us because they think we're embarrassing and messy.

[i-cant-sing]

TIME TRAVELER AU PT 2

Original post/idea here. Part 1 is here. Part 3 is here.

Check out my MASTERLIST for more!

I fucked up.

You thought as you sat on the bed, holding your head in your hands.

I fucked up so baaaaaad.

Not only have you healed Baldwin of his leprosy, forever changing history of the LEPER KING, but also managed to somehow be his bride. To make matters EVEN worse, you cant just up and leave right now because you dont know the disastrous effects it'll have on the future now that Baldwin wont die of leprosy, which means that the kingdom of Jerusalem wont fall to Salauddin and his muslim army and after that its just a domino effect.

You tried to view your options here.

I stay here, marry Baldwin and fuck up the fabric of time and space because how can someone from the future marry someone from the past? Wouldnt I cease to exist?

I leave, return to my time where authorities arrest me for fucking around with time- that is, if I even exist in the future now that I've altered history. Who knows if my ancestors survived/were born after this?

No. Neither option is good. I need to stay here and fix this. But in a way that i dont draw too much attention to myself so that im so insignificant that nobody remembers, let alone writes about me in the history books.

You were drawn out of your thoughts with someone knocking on your door. "Come in." You said, straightening yourself.

A couple of servants walked in, all women. "Princess Y/n." They all courtesied. "We've been sent here by his majesty to prepare you for dinner with him."

Princess? Ah yes. Only a couple of hours ago, Baldwin had proposed to you, I guess the concept of asking wasnt a thing here as he just slipped on the big beautiful ring on your finger.

You narrowed your eyes at them. "First of all, Im not a princess. You will address me as Y/n only. And secondly, Im not going to join him for dinner, so there's no need to prepare me" The maids all shared a look of confusion before the head servant spoke.

"But we cant address you as anything else until you wed the king, after which you will be our queen, princess."

"Didnt I just tell you not to call me princess? Just call me Y/n!" The head maid shook her head. "Princess, we can not do that. If we do, then we would be punished. And we must prepare you for dinner with his majesty!" The maids moved ahead to start helping you but you raised a hand, halting them.

"I said, no." You said sternly.

"What... what will we tell the king, princess? He's expecting you-"

"Tell him i cant come because Im sic- no, Im not feeling well and Id like to be alone." You cant say "sick" in this era, because that means "death sentence" here and you dont want to be fretted over and bring attention to yourself as "the king's fiancee got SICK!". Besides, you do need to be away from Baldwin as much as possible and have some time to plot your moves.

-

You had pulled out your notebook and began writing out dates and historic events of this era to plan your escape. You're trying to find some sort of shortcut where Baldwin gets sick again and dies, leaving his kingdom in the hands of his sister and brother in law, who will bring its downfall-

Someone knocked on your door gently. "Princess?" You quickly hid your notebook. "Come in."

Baldwin walked inside and towards you, eyes worried as they scanned you up and down.

"I heard you're not feeling well?" He asked and before you had a chance to back away, he had cupped your cheeks in his hands tenderly. "What's wrong? Shall I fetch the royal physician?"

"No." You replied with your face smushed in his hands. "I'm fine." You pulled your face away his large hands.

Confusion spread through his blue orbs. "Then why did you not join me for dinner?" He asked, using a hand to push your hair over your ear, not taking the hint that you didn't want him touching you.

"I just-" what possible excuse could you come up with that would be both effective and not insulting enough to have your head chopped off. "you- you dont care about me."

Baldwin looked at you in bewilderment. "I dont... care about you? Princess, how can you say that?" He tried to cup your cheek again but you backed away before he could, putting on a face of hurt.

"How can I not? You dont care about what I want, or even ask me what I need?" You feingned pain in your voice, turning away from him for dramatic effect.

He grabbed your shoulders and turned you towards him, his pupils grew wide as if trying to search for what it is that you need. "My love, what do you want? Just say the word, and I'll give it to you."

You looked down, again for the theatrics, and Baldwin lifted your chin. "Go on."

"You never- never asked me to marry you."

"Huh? But I did today-"

"No, you stated it- demanded I marry you." You furrowed your brows and looked down again.

Baldwin smiled. Of course, how could he have not asked you? You were a girl after all, you want to be courted the traditional way. Its not your fault that you dont know that kings do not ask permission for things. They just get it, because who would refuse to marry a king?

He kissed your forehead, lifting your chin again to meet his eyes. "Im sorry, princess. I shouldve asked." He took your hands in his and had that charming smile again. "Will you marry me, Y/n?"

"No." You shook your head. "I... I cant marry you, your majesty." You said, adding tears into your eyes. His brows furrowed in concern.

"What? Why?" You tried pulling your hands away but he didnt let go, tightening his grip ever so slightly.

"I-" well, you could say that youre not catholic and the church would never let you two get married, but you also dont wanna be tortured for being a "heretic". Maybe religious differences could be the last plan. Taking your silence as hesitance, Baldwin spoke. "I can offer you everything and more. Jerusalem would be yours. What is it that I lack that anyone else could offer?"

"I am not a good match for you!" Ah yes, lets do the typical "its not you, its me." You bit your lip as you yanked your hands out of his and walked towards the window, your back to him (theatrics). "You and I are not equals- no we are nowhere close! Youre a king, your father was a king, your family is royalty. I come from nothing, as did my ancestors. There will never be stability in our marriage when we come from such different backgrounds!" You never thought that you would be putting yourself down and call yourself "inferior" to break up with a man.

Silence hung in the air, as you held your breath.

"Youre right." You heard him say behind you. "We are not equals, we never will be." For some reason, instead of being relieved, a chill ran down your spine. Baldwin wrapped his arms around you, resting his head on your shoulder. "I may be a king, but youre far superior to me. You're an angel, sent to me by God, and you saved me. I wouldnt be king anymore if you werent here, princess."

Warmth spread from your cheeks to the tip of your ears, both due to the close proximity and his words. Sensing your bashfulness, he chuckled, kissing your cheek as he turned you around to face him. You could hear your own heart beat at how close he was.

Baldwin tilted his head, half lidded eyes staring at you. "Youre everything and more that I could ask for, princess. Never put yourself down and compare yourself to me, hm?" He said, giving your arms a gentle squeeze before moving away, but not detaching himself completely as he took ahold of your hand and looked back at you.

"Now that this is settled, let us go eat. I've had the servants prepare a feast for us and then we can discuss wedding arrangements-" shit shit shit shit shit fuck it!

"I'm not catholic!" Baldwin halted at that. You've already said it, might as well dig yourself a deeper hole. You let the tears form in your eyes. "Im... Muslim. I didnt tell you because I didnt want you to think I was working for Salauddin and spying on you for him, you know I wasnt! I really did only want to know about you. Please believe me, I wasnt-"

"I believe you."

What? Just like that.

"You- you believe me?" You breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you. Once again, Im sorry i didnt tell you I was a Muslim, but dont worry, I'll pack my things and leave tonight-"

"Why? We still have to get married."

You blinked slowly. "But... Im Muslim?"

Baldwin shrugged. "So? It doesnt change anything."

You looked at him in bafflement. "It does! It changes everything! We cant get married! Im a Muslim! The church wont allow interfaith marriages, and I dont intend on converting to catholicism either if thats what youre suggesting!"

"I am not suggesting that. You can be a muslim if you want to, but we're still getting married." Baldwin stated matter of factly.

"The church wont allow it-"

"The church will do as I say. I am the head of the church. Besides-" He smiled.

"I dont remember angels having to prove themselves to be a catholic. You saved my life, you cured my incurable disease. As far as the church is concerned, youre a miracle sent to me by God. Youre the Chosen One!"

Is he... is he hearing himself? Can you try to convince him?

"But... but Jerusalem deserves a Catholic Queen-" you tried weakly, but he cupped your cheek and smiled gently at you.

"I am Jerusalem, Y/n. And I deserve you." Was all he said before pecking your forehead.

He tugged you along with him. "Now, we have to eat."

You dont want to eat. You want to stay behind and think of another strategy because clearly you cant talk yourself out of this wedding.

"I'm- I'm not hungry." You said, making him frown.

"How is that possible? You havent had anything since morning. I dont want you getting sick before the wedding." Baldwin continued to pull you along.

Does he not listen?

"I dont want to eat- I- dont feel like it." You said a bit harshly this time, hoping he'd take the hint.

And he did, finally stopping. He sighed and let go of your hand. "Okay. I suppose if you really dont want to, we can skip dinner tonight." Fucking finally. "Its just... I seem to have developed a habit of enjoying meals with you. And now that my leprosy is cured and I have no more diet restrictions, I just- I had the kitchen prepare some of my favourite dishes that I was able to enjoy before my disease disabled me."

You stared at him. Is he- is he trying to guilt trip you? Baldwin once told you that due to leprosy he had ulcers in his mouth, and he couldnt eat different types of food, and was only able to have bland, soft goo.

You looked away from his big sad eyes. He's not getting to you. You need to go back to your room, make yourself scarce, be far away from him as often as possible.

"You can still go and eat dinner alone."

With one hand, he cupped your cheek. "Princess, you know I cant eat until you eat too. But its okay, if you dont want to eat, then I wont too. I guess I'll just have the servants finish the chicken roast and oh-! They even made strawberry cream cake for dessert. But- maybe another day."

You looked into his eyes, those blue orbs that were filled with sadness, resembling a kid who was just told "no candy!"

Sighing, you held his hand. "Maybe I can have a few bites."

His face lit up. Ah, he knew you'd come around. "Lets go!"

-

The next day, youre helped by the maids to get ready for the day. Apparently, Sibylla wanted to meet you and discuss some things, and you suspect she wants to talk about the wedding preprations.

The maids had prepared your bath and were very insistent on washing you themselves but you made them all leave the bath chambers. Finally, they compromised when you told them that they could dress you up if they wait outside.

Setting your old clothes on the bed, you entered the bathroom and settled into the warm water. The essential oils and flower petals soothed your mind and body, and you finally had some desperately needed silence to hear your own thoughts.

Last night at dinner, Baldwin was very- well, "happy" would be an understatement to how he felt near you. And all those forehead kisses and skin contact doesnt go unnoticed by you either. You suppose that since he had leprosy, he never really had or was allowed to touch anyone else. But now that hes cured, all thanks to your dumb ass, he craves the physical intimacy.

You closed your eyes as you sank deeper into the warm water. Gosh, did I really have to give him the water? Had I not done that, he would still be ridden with lepro-

Your eyes snapped open. Thats it. You just have to make sure he never drank your water in the first place! Yes! You can go back in time and sure, its always dangerous to go back in the same time period more than once, but you really dont have any other option now, do you?

After half an hour, you finally exited the bathroom and the maids practically ushered you to sit in the chair as they finally, FINALLY got to dress up the future queen of Jerusalem and after a whole hour, they're finally done. And... well you look good. Your hair has been done nicely, and a delicate golden headpiece, almost like a elegant hair band sits on top of your head. They added some color to your cheeks and lips with crushed berries. As for your clothes, they dressed you in a dark blue tunic with loose, flowing sleeves. The tunic itself was made of silk, probably brought in from the Byzantine empire and was only available to the upperclass of this time.

"I am not wearing those!" You said when they opened the jewellery boxes. There were diamonds and other precious stones adorning the earrings and necklaces.

"But princess, you must wear these. It is royal protocol for the king's bride to be, and the future queen to wear the royal jewels." The head maid said. She doesnt know that you dont plan on sticking around and if you leave wearing these jewels, who knows what havoc would that cause?

"No. I dont want to wear them."

The maids shared a look of concern. "What?" You asked them.

"Its just... his majesty picked these out for you himself. He would be mad at us if you were not wearing these." One of the younger servants spoke as she fumbled with her fingers. Through the mirror, you looked at everyone's worried expression. You doubt that someone as calm and collected as Baldwin would lose his marbles over his fiancee not wearing jewellery.

"I dont think the king would be mad at you if I dont wear some jewellery. He isnt one to get angry that easily, you know?" You said chuckling, but it died when you saw them share the same concerned looks again. This time, you turned away from the mirror to look at them directly. "What? Go on, no secrets."

Another maid mustered up the courage to mumble. "Well- it's just- the king- I mean- his majesty is calm but um-" she paused to look at the other maids for help but they all avoided eye contact. "Out with it." You said a bit sternly.

"His majesty... gets... emotional- yes, emotional! When it comes to matters concerning you."

"Emotional? What do you mean? Speak clearly, no word will get out of this room, I promise." You spoke all while glaring at the other maids to make them silently comply to not tattle on their friend.

The maid bit her lip. "His majesty... gets mad when he thinks that you're not being treated well." You gave her a look to continue. "A few weeks back, while you were strolling out in the garden, his majesty reprimanded some of his knights for not escorting you. He asked them why they weren't guarding you?"

A few weeks back? It may have made some sense for Baldwin to be protective of his bride to be, but you two weren't engaged until yesterday. And before that, his relationship with you was barely platonic, more like a king-servant thing.

"Tell her about the kitchen incident too." Another maid whispered.

"What kitchen incident?"

"Um, 2 months ago, when the kitchen had prepared a feast for his majesty, he almost fired the entire kitchen staff for serving olives with the entree." You gave them a quizzical look. "Well, his majesty had told them that you can't eat olives and had told them not to include it in the palace's food. But it was a feast to celebrate his victory and the staff thought it'd be best to add olives because the king likes them."

Your eyes widened at that. He almost fired the kitchen staff because you said you can't eat olives? I mean, it's not like you're deathly allergic, you just didn't like how tart they were and when Baldwin saw you picking them out on your plate, all you could manage to blurt out was that you can't eat them. Perhaps, he thought you had diet restrictions like him.

You huffed. That still didnt warrant such a reaction from him. "That isn't nice. Don't worry, I'll talk to him."

The maid looked at you in horror. "No! I mean, his majesty would not like that we- um..." she tried to come up with appropriate words that wouldn't be insulting. Her scrunched up face as she thought hard made you giggle.

"Fine, fine. I won't say anything to him. You have my word." You said, smiling at them assuringly.

The head maid then held out the pearl necklace to you. You sighed and nodded, and they all cheered as they started picking out the jewels for you.

Its okay. You told yourself. I can always drop them somewhere before time travelling.

-

As soon as you were dressed, one of Sibylla's lady-in-waiting came to fetch you. She hurried you, saying something along the lines of "you must see princess Sibylla right away!" And you couldn't stop her from pulling you along, so time travelling will have to wait.

"Princess Sibylla needs to see you right away, princess!" The maid said as she pulled you towards a room. Knocking on it, the door swung open and you were met with the sight of different gowns hanging on dummies with maids tending to them, and right in the center of the room was Sibylla, practically jumping on her heels.

"Y/n!" She yelled out as she ran towards you and engulfed you in a hug before her lady in waiting, the same one standing beside you, cleared her throat. It caught Sibylla's attention who gasped softly before backing away and immeadiately giving you a courtesy. "I mean, princess Y/n." You gave a nasty look to the lady in waiting before shaking your head at an embarrassed Sibylla. "You don't need to courtesy to me, princess Sibylla."

She immeadiately beamed. "Of course I do! You're not going to be just my sister in law, you're also going to be Queen of Jerusalem! Of course i bow to you."

Me, a queen? Yeah, we'll see about that.

"Still, I consider us friends before anything else." You offerer her a small smile. "You called for me?"

"Oh? Oh, yes!" She immeadiately grabbed your hand and pulled you further into the room. "I didn't know what colours and material you preferred, so I ordered them to bring everything with the best seamstresses in kingdom!" She pointed at the seamstresses, who bowed to you.

"But... I don't need clothes. I already have a wardrobe." Your statement made Sibylla laugh as did a few of her hand maidens.

"Ahh, you're so naive!" Sibylla giggled. "That wardrobe doesn't exist anymore. You're a princess, soon to be queen, you need a royal wardrobe!" She said as she dragged her hand over one of the gowns, feeling the material. "And! You still have to select your bridal gown!"

For the next 3 hours, Sibylla had the maids show you different gowns and materials, even helping by giving her input as to what would suit you.

"I still like my old clothes, they're quite comfortable." You sighed. Designing your new wardrobe was not something that needed your urgent attention at the moment. You need to return to your room and get the time machine from your old dress and leave this era.

Sibylla nods. "I understand what you're going through. I still remember how they burned away my entire wardrobe when I married Guy. But I suppose its poetic in a way. Since you're starting a new life, so why not start one by getting new clothes!"

Wait.

"They burnt all your old clothes?" Sibylla nods. "Mmhmm! In a way, you're burning away your past! And starting a new-" You didn't stick around as you immeadiately rushed out of the room and made your way towards your own.

You can't- your old clothes has your time machine. If they burn it, you can't ever leave!

You burst into your room, looking at the empty spot on your bed where you'd left your clothes before going in the bath.

"No." The maids, they must've put it in your closet. You searched it, searched your entire room but to no avail.

A maid walked into your room, watching you tear apart the bedroom. "P-princess? May I help-"

"Where are my clothes?!" You walked upto her, the poor maid's fright apparently on her face. "WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES!?"

"They- they're burning it-"

"WHERE?!"

"The gardens!"

You ran out of your room, and made your way towards the royal gardens as fast as you could, but with how huge this palace was, getting there took a while. Not to mention when you did get to the gardens, you didn't spot anyone there, but you did notice the smell of something burning, which lead you to the back of the gardens, that was away from everyone's sight.

There you found them, two maids burning your clothes in a small bonfire.

"PUT IT OUT!" You yelled as you rushed towards them, startling them.

"Princess-" they began bowing.

"Didn't you hear me? PUT THE FIRE OUT!" They scrambled about trying to find some water, but of course, they didn't have it.

"I'll get it from the fountain!" The two maids ran to get a bucket of water for you, but it would be too late by the time they came. So when you spotted your old dress burning, you pulled it out with bare hands, not caring about burning yourself.

The dress was mostly burnt to ashes, while only few bits remained that were still on fire. You managed to wrangle out your time machine out of it, the small metal box that was burning hot and left marks on your skin as you tried to hold it.

But even from here, you could see the damage was done. The area that displayed the year had now completely melted off, as did some of the buttons.

No. No. No. No. No. NO!

You couldn't help but cry as reality began to set in. You're stuck here.... you're stuck here forever.

Heart wrenching sobs wracked your body as you tried to hold the hot metal machine in your hands, your skin burning as you tried. Even when the servants came and poured the water on the fire, you still kept on crying, clutching your machine to your chest, partly to conceal it, partly from helplessness.

The maids looked at each in worry as they tried to console you, tried to pacify you, lest you had them executed. But it didn't matter, you were inconsolable. While one of the maids sat by your side, trying to soothe you, the other one ran in to get help.

Moments later, when you were able to hide the machine in your clothes again, someone came up and touched your shoulder from behind.

"Y/n?" You looked up through your tears. It was Baldwin. For some reason, seeing him only made you cry harder as you finally realised that you were stuck here with him. That you fucked up permanently.

"Oh princess. What's wrong? Don't cry- shhh, I'm here." He pulled your body towards him, letting you sob into his chest heartbreakingly. Exhaustion, frustration and shock must have overtook your body, as you fainted in his arms.

"Princess? Y/n?" He tried waking you up before collecting you in his arms and rushing back into the castle.

-

Hours later, you woke up to find yourself back in your room, lying in your bed. Your eyes looked down at your hands which were now wrapped in bandages. They only served as a reminder of what youd lost- your time machine.

Tears welled up in your eyes again. Am I- am I really stuck here? You sniffled.

A hand came up to caress your cheek, startling you.

It was Baldwin. "Princess? Do you want to tell me what happened?" His soft tone made you even more sad, and you raised your bandaged hands to wipe your tears, but he caught your wrists and lowered them back gently, using his own hands to wipe away the tears.

"No, you cant use your hands for sometime. The burns need to heal." His hand remained on your cheek, thumb caressing the area under your eye. "What happened, Y/n? Why were you so upset?"

You cant avoid the topic for long, and now that your way of escape is gone, you need to be careful of what you say and how you act around the king.

You let out a shaky breath. "They... they burned my clothes."

"Mmhm. Dont worry, I will have them bring in the fanciest clothes for you. Sibylla will make sure of it. Only the best for my princess." You shook your head. "Its not- its not that... They were my clothes... they burned away-"

"I know... but its a tradition. The maids burn away the bride-to-be's old clothes to signify that youre detaching yourself from the past and starting a new life." He explained, watching as you sniffled. Clearly, you were still upset over this.

"But the maids, they still should've informed you of this tradition before doing anything. I know how emotional of a transition this could be for girls." You nodded sadly, heart still sinking at the loss of your machine. "Dont worry though, they will be punished harshly for it. I have them in the dungeons tonight, and tomorrow-"

"What? Punished? No!" You cut him off. You dont want anyone to die because of you, especially when you dont know if anyone these people could potentially be an ancestor of yours.

"But they caused you harm. You burned yourself due to their-"

"No, no. Please, don't punish anyone- I- it was my fault for not knowing about royal traditions! Please, your Majesty, I beg you- don't do this- i- i-" You pleaded.

"Shhh, okay. Okay. I won't punish them for it." He patted your hair. "On one condition."

You looked at him in confusion.

"You call me Baldwin from now on." He grinned. "We are to be husband and wife soon, I don't want us to use royal titles with each other."

Your eyes widened. Is he- is he really giving up titles? You're not that blind to see his attempts at intimacy, but what you don't understand is why or even how you came to be on the receiving end of it.

What exactly is it about you that has made him want to marry you? Surely, Baldwin would've preferred to marry someone of this era, someone who is more compatible with him. Despite you trying to blend in the past months, you allowed Baldwin to see how you're not... as Conservative as most people of this time period are. One could say that he may be impressed by how intelligent you are than others, but it also brings up the factor of being "threatened" or "insulted" by the same intelligence.

Even though you consider beauty to be a "subjective" thing, the whole "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", you're not blind to how attractive others are. So why not them?

Did he only like you because you're intriguing? Does he still think you're a spy? Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer?

Probably. Or maybe he really does believe all that mumbo jumbo about you being "an angel sent to save him."

"As you wish... Baldwin."

-

Last night, after Baldwin had left you to rest, you stayed up and tried to figure out if you can fix your time machine, and if not, then can you built another one?

Fucking hell. You closed your eyes. I made it once, I can build it again. But it's easier said than done.

Back in the present, you had the technology to build it. Now? You have to first make the technology and the tools from scratch before you could even get on making your time machine, all while keeping your science project discrete, which was easier before because you weren't going to be married to a fucking King!

Right now, you're sitting in Baldwin's private dining room (yes, there are more than one dining room. He's royalty, what did you expect) having breakfast- well, being fed breakfast.

"You really don't need to do this." You said as Baldwin fed you another spoonful. He smiled as he wiped your lips with a napkin. "I don't need to, I want to. Besides, I don't want my princess starving."

Involuntary, your face flushed. "I- the maids could've fed me. And im not a princess." He frowned slightly. "Why would you- open wide, princess- why would you want the maids to feed you when you have me?" He pushed the spoon to your face as you parted your lips, but then he pulled it away and brought his face close to yours. "Do I make you nervous?"

You backed away immediately. "I- no- I mean-"

He burst out laughing. "I'm- I'm sorry princess, but you are just too endearing!" Baldwin chuckled as he grabbed the spoon again and fed you.

Your cheeks reddened, this time more out anger than embarrassment. "I don't want to eat anymore." You muttered, turning your face away.

He smiled as he brought the spoon to your lips again. "Ah ah, but you still haven't had enough." However, you rejected again, looking away instead of replying.

He sighed, placing the spoon back on the plate. "I'm sorry, princess. I shouldn't have laughed at you."

"You shouldn't have." You mumbled, face still turned away from him.

His lips quirked up a bit. "You know, for someone who insists that she's not a princess-" He turned your face to him gently. "- you sure have all the blandishment of one."

"Blandishment?"

"Flattering actions of a princess." He nodded.

You frowned. "Are you calling me a spoiled princess? A brat?"

"I would never!" Baldwin gasped. "I enjoy you acting like royalty, demanding respect and attention. You deserve it and more. Besides-" He picked up some food on the spoon again and brought it to your lips. "Even if if you were a spoiled, bratty princess, I wouldn't mind. I would enjoy spoiling you, hm?" He nudged the spoon to your lips softly.

You parted your lips, making him smile. It really is hard to stay mad at him when he looks at you with his baby blue eyes. They just- they draw you in.

"Also, before I forget, I will be leaving the castle today to meet Salauddin. So you can either hand out with Sibylla, who still wants to help you design your wedding gown, or your can-"

Salauddin? "Why are you meeting Salauddin? Isn't he your enemy?"

He chuckled. "Only on the battlefield. He and I have developed a friendship, or a mutual respect over the years. As to why I'm going to meet him, is... well, you."

"Me?" He nodded. "Since you told me that you're a Muslim, I thought that we could perhaps have a discreet Islamic wedding- what is it called? Nikkah? So, I could go and learn more about it from Salauddin."

You opened your mouth to protest. You don't need to be part of history as the "king of Jerusalem's Muslim wife" or "the Muslim-Christian wedding that took place during the Crusades", even if it might make the world more progressive.

But then, you didn't protest. "Can I come?"

Baldwin raised a brow at you. "You want to meet Salauddin?" You shook you're head. "Well, no, not really. I mean, I don't mind meeting him, but I just want to get out of the castle for a bit. It's been months since i left this place, I just want to get some fresh air." This could be the perfect opportunity for you, because if memory serves you right, Muslims of this era had made significant advances in science. Maybe you can use their help to get some tools to make the time machine again.

Baldwin looked unsure. "I don't know if it would be safe for you-" you held his hand with your bandaged ones. "Please, Baldwin? Can't you take me with you? And wouldn't I be the most safe when I'm with you?" Ah yes, stroke the male ego.

Finally, he smiled.

"Alright. I supposed it would be fine, after all, you should see the kingdom you're going to be the queen of."

Thoughts? (Also, I need to go shower rn, so I'll put the read more later. Doing so much effort for u guys, my spoiled greedy children)

Part 3 is here.

[tcubunny]

switch!tzuyu x switch!fem!reader - “trying our best” (warnings: smut, praise, breast play, scissoring, clit stimulation, oral)

a/n: thank u to my pookie @soyeonsbabygirl for proof reading 🤗 first time writing for tzuyu, kinda nervy. i’ve had this idea in my head from the second i thought up this au. small issue that we’re going to fix with our imagination, as always: let’s pretend jyp is strict on hotel rooms and if the company placed/booked/whatever-the-balls two specific members in a room, they HAVE to the be ones who share it🙏idk if i’m lying ab the switch tags bc i think that’s what’s happening, but idk tbh. maybe if i feel generous in the future ill write a fic about how her and the reader ended up getting caught and what their punishment was. for now, much love and enjoy pookabutts😘

word count: 1.8k

“goodnight you two, don’t do anything you know you’re not supposed to.”

jeongyeon warns and gives you and tzuyu a kiss before walking to the door and shutting it behind her.

you and tzuyu are the best girls for your unnies, you never get in trouble. your notoriously great behavior has fully merited their trust, yet letting you two share a hotel room still seemed risky. everyone insisted that being alone with each other would be too tempting, but there was nothing they could do about it.

you both promised—specifically to jihyo that you would sleep on separate beds, and wouldn’t try anything, and you plan to follow through on that promise.

“are you tired?” tzuyu’s voice bellows throughout the room. “i guess.” you get up and lock the door before walking to the other bed. “well, goodnight.” tzuyu turns off her bedside lamp and lays down, draping the covers over herself.

“goodnight.” you do the same as her and get comfortable. you close your eyes, trying your best to clear your head, but you’re far too hyper-aware of the fact that she’s right next to you. you really wouldn’t dare disobey the others, but it’s all you can think about.

the minutes rush by and you still can’t manage to fall asleep, completely immersed in your less than holy thoughts about tzuyu. you toss and turn, but nothing works.

“y/n, are you asleep?” you hear a murmur in the dark and turn to face tzuyu’s bed. “no.” there’s a few seconds of awkward silence before tzuyu speaks up again.

“i know we said we wouldn’t, but do you want to sleep with me? i just feel so isolated.” you think about it for a second, you desperately want to say yes, but you know you can’t. “tzuyu…”

“please, they won’t find out. the door is locked and they have no other way of checking on us.” she is correct, there’s no way they can find out unless they enter the room, which they can’t do if the door is locked. and you always lock the door when you’re in a hotel; it wouldn’t raise any suspicion.

“okay…” you get up and walk to her bed, hesitantly joining her under the covers. you turn away from her, too scared that you won’t be able to control yourself if you face her. you both say goodnight again and the deafening silence returns.

falling asleep is significantly more difficult now that tzuyu is right next to you. you can feel the warmth emanating off her body and you want nothing more than to turn around and kiss her. you can also feel your own warmth stretching from your flustered cheeks to your aching core.

“i can’t sleep.” you’re jolted out of your trance of sorts by tzuyu turning on the light. you turn to look at her and she sits up against the headboard, so you do the same. “me neither.” you reply, trying to hide your reddened face.

“i’m bored.” she says, tucking her hair behind her ears. “me too.” you look around the room, trying to think of something else to continue the conversation. “you think the others are asleep?” she exhales before answering. “let’s think critically here, none of them can keep their hands off each other.” you look down at the floor. “yeah…”

you both sit without saying anything. having her so close but not being able to touch her how you want is absolute torture. you bite down on your thumb as a weak attempt to distract yourself, but it doesn’t work in the slightest.

you look over at her, head tossed back on the bed frame, eyes closed, and arms inside her shirt. you’ve never been one to make impulsive decisions, but your desire for her completely takes over.

“tzuyu…” you call out, inching closer to her. “wha-“

you crash your lips into hers, cutting off her sentence. the kiss is slow and sends heatwaves straight to your core. her lips feel amazing, you swear you’ll never be able to separate from them. you let your tongue wander inside her mouth and she gladly takes it in. you entangle it with hers, lifting your hand to cup her face.

she pulls away and you whine in frustration. “we can’t.” her actions greatly differ from her words; she tugs the collar of your shirt towards her and continues kissing you.

“why not?” you repeat the pattern of pulling away and going right back to the heated kiss every time either of you speaks. “we promised.” “they won’t find out,” you pause your sentence to keep tasting her “like you said, the door is locked.”

it appears you’ve fully convinced her as she pulls you closer and makes you straddle her. you let your hands get lost in her hair as she grabs your face.

you can already feel a pool of slick collecting on your underwear while you’re squirming on her lap. the air in the room suddenly feels hot and your clothes start feeling like a burden.

“take off your clothes.” you instruct, getting up to do the same. you toss your things to the side, not caring where it lands. you watch as tzuyu rips everything off and crawls to the edge of the bed to sit.

you admire her body with a smirk before pushing her down and getting on top of her. the truth is, neither of you has any experience with being in control, but you’ll have to make do.

“you’re so pretty.” you whisper in her ear, moving your mouth down to her neck. “you’re so pretty.” you kiss her chest, making sure not to leave any new marks that the others could notice.

you gradually move lower until you reach her tits. you take one of the into your mouth and she lets out a loud moan. you slap your hand over her mouth to shush her.

“nayeon and jeongyeon are right beside us, do you really want them to hear?” you take your hand off and she brings her own hand to her mouth, urging you to keep going.

your mouth goes back to her tit, sucking and biting it gently. her choked moans make your pussy drip, you can’t wait any longer. you replace your mouth with your hand and tap on her thigh. “can you spread your legs?” “mhm.”

she does so and you swing one of your own legs over one of hers so that your pussy is directly aligned with hers.

you look into her eyes waiting for approval to go on, but she just pushes your hips down instead, making your soaked cunt collide with hers. you almost scream out from the feeling, but bite down on your finger to stop yourself.

you gyrate your hips, twitching slightly every time your clits touch. “you’re so fucking hot.” tzuyu coos from beneath you and pulls you down to her lips. you moan and whine into her mouth, trying to remain as quiet as possible.

you no longer care in the slightest about how many rules you’re breaking, the only thing on your mind is how amazing tzuyu sounds.

“you feel so good, tzu.” your sentence comes out hurried and broken, the feeling of tzuyu’s pussy on yours messing with your senses. “hm, thank you.” an inebriating smile adorns her lips as she responds. one of her hands remains placed on your hip, pushing you down against herself. you lean back, resting your weight on your hands as you brush your hair back.

“faster.” she hums while digging her nails into your skin. you whine at the feeling and speed up, making tzuyu reflexively thrust her hips up.

“shit, don’t stop.” her back arches as she pleads with you. “i wouldn’t do that to us both.” you giggle and bend down to meet her lips.

you can feel your muscles beginning to contract and hold onto tzuyu’s hand against the mattress.

“i’m so close.” you cry out and squeeze your eyes shut. “hm—me too.” hearing her weak whimper is all you need to reach your climax. you fiercely hold tzuyu’s hand as your hips shake, silencing your moans with her lips. you don’t stop until you see her body tense and she lets out a string of profanities with her orgasm.

when she completely finishes, you let yourself fall down on her chest, completely slumped. you both lay there panting without moving until your heart rates settle and you regain your composures.

“you’re incredible.” she traces your lips with her fingers and you look up at her. “i pay attention.” she laughs at you, pushing you off of her to get on top of you.

“it’s my turn to show you how well i pay attention.”

your eyes widen at her remark, you didn’t think she could sound any hotter, but somehow she does. she kisses down your neck, going past your chest and all the way to your stomach. she plants a kiss right above your core and your hips jerk forward.

she stands up and pats down the edge of the bed for you to sit. she then kneels in front of you, opening your legs with her hands. you can feel the slick pouring out of you, she looks absolutely ravishing on her knees for you.

she kisses your thighs as you stroke her hair with a smile on your face, completely drowning in how beautiful she looks.

she looks up at you and dips her tongue between your folds, already earning desperate moans from you. her tongue moves with great agility, sucking your clit and pushing into your entrance every time she passes it.

you give her feedback in the form of hushed whines and whimpers, still very aware of the people on the other side of the wall.

“does that feel good?" she asks in a sweet, innocent voice, the contrast between her actions and her inflection adding to your arousal.

you whine and arch your back slightly, pushing tzuyu’s face further into you. she chuckles as she lets go of your clit with an audible ‘pop.’

“y/n, answer my question.” she begs with the same tone and you look down at her, a dangerous glint painted on her eyes.

“hm,” your attempt at answering comes out as a moan and your cheeks redden as you feel tzuyu’s laugh against your pussy.

"i think,” you whimper into your own hand as she pushes her fingers inside you. “i think you can tell, ah fuck.” she mercilessly pumps her fingers in and out of you while her lips wrap around your clit.

it doesn’t take long for the edges of your vision to glow white, you orgasm hitting you without warning. you grab a fistful of tzuyu’s hair, holding her in place. she eagerly swallows every bit of sticky white fluid pooling out of you, allowing you to fully come back from your high.

you let go of her hair when you realize how hard you were holding onto it and she stands up. “i think i won.” she teases, coming closer to sit on your lap.

“oh, it was a competition? in that case, i think i’d like a rematch.”

[inmydelusionalera]

can you do prebed routine with ateez members what would going to bed be like with each of them and whats something special that you would do or share with the member before sleep? thank you very much in advance, love your reactions!

Night-time Routine with ATEEZ

Omg this is so cute!!! Thank you for being so sweet with all your support and I'll try my best to write something for this <3

Genre: fluffy

Warnings/triggers: n/a

Gender: any

Hongjoong

The second Hongjoong enters the door, he wants to do something that will help him relax and wind down after his long and tiring day. Once he gets home, he sees you on the couch covered in a soft blanket, reading a book. He makes his way over to you and sinks into the couch next to you.

"Rough day?" You asked him.

"Yeah... but now... Netflix?" He picks up the remote before you can respond and makes you share his blanket with him. Hongjoong puts on the show you both have been watching recently as he knows it's something you both enjoy. You snuggle into Hongjoong's chest, and he holds you close, causing you to fall asleep on him. Once the episode finishes, he carries you to bed, trying not to wake you up in the process. This was how most of your nights went, but neither of you minded as you got to spend time with each other without forcing energy.

Seonghwa

Seonghwa was building one of his Lego masterpieces whilst you were sat across the room doing your skincare routine, getting ready for bed. He stopped playing with his Lego and watches you concentrate as you spread moisturiser on you face. He makes his way over to you and dips his fingers into the cream, copying you, and applied it to his skin.

"Do you want to join me?" You look up at Seonghwa who was testing out your products.

"Maybe we could do our skincare together now and then you could help me build my Lego?" He looks at you smiling with his big eyes that it's impossible to say no. Together you do your skincare and he uses all your products as he knows you know more about them than he does and he trusts your recommendations. As soon as you both apply your facemasks, he grabs your arm and pulls you over to where he was previously building his Legos.

"We can do this whilst we wait for them to dry."

Yunho

Yunho is sat in his gaming chair when you arrive home from your late shift. He's so focused that he didn't hear you come through the door and doesn't notice your presence until you practically collapse in his lap. He chuckles at your antics.

"Why don't you join me on this adventure? It might help you relax." He hands you a controller so you can join his game- he always finds a way to make you be a part of both his virtual world and his real world. You're hesitant at first because Yunho was so much better at video games than you were and you didn't want to be a burden on his quest but he eventually convinces you an he pulls a chair next to him. Late into the night, you were both victorious and your adventure had been filled with silliness and laughter.

You spend the rest of the night completing several quests which have made you realise that Yunho's only quest was to get you to laugh and relax.

Yeosang

San

You were in the living room painting a portrait when Yeosang came in. He stood behind you, admiring your artwork and when you look up at him, you could tell he wanted to try it.

"You're welcome to join me if you want. There's a spare canvas over there."

"Are you sure? I don't want to waste materials because we both know art isn't exactly my forte." You shrug and grab the equipment for him and place it next your canvas. He hesitates at first as he tries to figure out what he wants to paint but once he gets started, time goes by quickly and it's early in the morning by the time you're both done. Even though you were both silent throughout the process, it definitely made you both closer.

As you both sit back to admire your artwork, Yeosang whispers, "We should do this more often before bed."

It was almost midnight when San enters your shared apartment with a bag full of snacks from all over the world. He had a huge smile on his face which suggested that he wanted to try them with you at that very moment.

"San... we always end up snacking before bed," you said looking into the bag of goodies.

"So? It's kinda become a tradition now so we can't break it. Plus we've never tried these ones before." Convinced, you reach into the bag and pull out an unfamiliar bag of candy. You open the bag and give the first bite to see if it's good before trying it yourself. Once he gives you the all clear, you try it for yourself and end up loving it.

"Don't eat all of it, we've still got tons more to try." You and San end up turning it into a kind a mukbang until you're both so full, it makes you tired.

Wooyoung

Mingi

"We haven't played this one before yet," Mingi says, carrying a board game to the floor where you were already sat. It had become a routine to play board games before bed as you didn't always get to spend time with each other during the day.

"That looks fun, I'll help you set it up." You take the top off reavling the board game inside. It takes you 2 minutes to fully set up the game. Mingi lets you go first and hands you the dice. You roll the dice and move your piece forward accordingly.

Hours go by, with Mingi eventually winning the game. Excitedly, he gets up and starts bragging and celebrating his victory. You congratulate him and jokingly say, "You only won because cheated. I'll win fairly tomorrow."

"Game on Y/N."

You and Wooyoung always end up doing something silly you've seen off tiktok together just before you go to bed- tonight wasn't any different. You were silently watching tiktoks until you came across one that you wanted to do with Wooyoung.

"Wooyoung! Let's film a tiktok slapping each other with tortillas and neither of us can laugh."

Shocked by the sudden request, Wooyoung giggles, "Y/N what? Slap each other?" You end up showing him the video and he agrees after seeing how much fun it looks. You grab the tortilla wraps and water from the kitchen whilst Wooyoung sets up the camera. You film the tiktok and both of you lose and end up getting water everywhere but neither of you minded because of how much fun you were having. After posting the tiktok, you decide to go for round 2 which turned into round 3 and so on until it reaches close to 3 am and you both finally call it night.

Jongho

You were both sat on the couch on your phones until Jongho got up and started to set up the karaoke machine. You were confused as it was already 10.30pm but you watched him set it up anyway and didn't say a word. He finishes plugging everything in and passes you a microphone.

"Really? Right now? It's already late."

"Exactly, it's the perfect activity to tire us out. Hurry and pick the song." You're still confused but do it anyway and you pick out the perfect duet for you both to sing. He nods in approval to your choice and when his parts come up, he always holds your hand and looks at you in your eyes to make it seem like these words were made for you. You end up singing until early morning which is when your voices started to begin to hurt and your eyes were getting heavy- he was right, it was the perfect way to get you tired.

[callsign-rogueone]

Can you give us the director’s cut for Conscription Day with Aaric and Sunny? There’s not nearly enough content out there for our favorite little princeling, and I’d love to hear your thoughts!

-fw-gt

absolutely I can!! you know how obsessed I am with them rn. I’ve been working on their later chapters a lot, really getting into the drama… ugh they’re so healing to write. my future king and queen 💗

It persists through the handful of boring patriotic speeches about the commitment you’ve made to your country, which go in one ear and out the other. You know why you’re here. You don’t need to be given any other reasons.

with unmarked characters, I feel the need to give them motivation for joining up that isn’t just squarely patriotic, since Navarre is pretty corrupt lmao. Peach is here because she wants to help people by being a healer and because it’s a way to get a more stable comfortable life than being a farmer’s daughter — I imagine it similar to the US where you can get free medical school if you work as a military doctor for X amount of years. and then Sunny… she’s running away just as much as Aaric is, but she’s also looking for something here. that’s all you get for now.

Maybe you’re a little bit alike in that regard; not in your level of preparation — you’re definitely the least-armed person in the squad, and likely in the entire quadrant, with one knife at each hip and absolutely nothing else, as that was all you’d been able to afford before you left for Basgiath — but in the way you present yourselves to the rest of the world, focusing on figuring everyone else out and keeping quiet, not sharing much.

love me some comparing and contrasting! I’ve already told y’all that Sunny is going to be his complete opposite, not in terms of personality, but in status and upbringing. she was poor as a kid, and still is poor as a young adult, and therefore is basically completely disenfranchised and powerless. especially compared to a prince. BUT they’re both nervous little bbs on day one, Sunny because she’s not sure she’ll make it, and Aaric because he’s a trying to not be found out. and so is she… no I will not elaborate at this time.

One of the wingleaders, the only girl of the four, shouts something you can’t distinguish, and then there’s a chorus of screams as the orange unhinges its massive jaw, spewing red flame upon the formation. A girl across the courtyard springs into action, leaping in front of her wing with her palms outstretched, making some kind of invisible shield over herself and the group of students behind her that deflects the fire. and All of Second Wing seems intact, having been protected by the girl who had put up the air shield. She looks a little unsteady on her feet, but otherwise unharmed — it must have taken a lot of energy to do something like that.

some people already guessed, but this is darling and love btw!! wingleader Laurent and section leader Callwell. they’re going to be running second wing with efficiency and grace and a healthy amount of mom energy. and maybe expect a little moment between Dain and Love after this, him checking on her and being a protective little secret bf 🥺

The boy you’d been watching locks eyes with you, and then you’re on the ground underneath him in a matter of seconds, wrapped up in each other; chest to chest, his hands braced against the gravel on either side of your head, one leg between yours, your faces less than three inches apart.

in the book, bb prince uses himself as a human shield over some random girl. what a guy. ngl I kinda swooned when I read that. something about a prince putting others before himself… idk. anyway I kinda just replaced that girl with sunny hsjsb but this was also an opportunity to get them close. neither of them were making eye contact, until now, when they’re close enough to kiss. they won’t be kissing for quite a while, though. this is going to be my attempt at a slow-burn.

The intimacy, the implications of this position you’re in with a total stranger, a man you’ve never met, and an armed one, at that, should make your skin crawl, should make you want to kick and scratch to get him off of you, but you stay in place, under the safety of his armored shoulders, because it’s clear that he doesn’t want to hurt you, or to assert his power over you — but to protect you.

I guess this is your first warning (of several more to come) that Sunny’s backstory is going to be a little dark?? I’m not going to write her past out in detail, but there’s going to be some implications of bad things that are up for interpretation by each reader, but ultimately lead to her being wary of men and strangers in general. Aaric is going to have to prove his mettle, that he’s not a bad guy. like socializing a feral cat. and that slow process started today. she’s already getting a vibe that he’s a safe person, but all bets are off in this environment where it’s kill or be killed.

He reaches forward to brush the dirt from your hair, tucking a loosened strand behind your ear. Your heart has never beat this fast in your life. You’ve never been touched this gently, never seen such a deep look of concern in a man’s eyes, that gorgeous shade of green looking down at you…  You realize that he’s still holding your hand — rather, you’re still holding his. You let go quickly, your cheeks warming with embarrassment. 

see above. + there’s some magnetism there, some mutual attraction, and the beginning of Aaric realizing that he wants to protect this girl with his life. Sunny has never felt like this before, and probably isn’t even sure what this feeling is, but she knows deep down that it isn’t bad, that he isn’t bad — she doesn’t realize that she’s still holding him because it feels safe and natural, even if those feelings are new and unusual to her.

First Wing was far enough away to be unscathed, but Third Wing, and the squad beside yours… if you had been placed anywhere else, there would have been a reasonable chance that you’d have been burnt alive.

luck, fate, or divine intervention, whatever you want to call it, is going to play a considerable role in her life and her time at Basgiath. you might notice in later chapters, a certain other girlfriend’s prayers are always answered — but Sunny doesn’t even have to ask. that’s all I’ll say here.

You step back into place at the back of the block, between your hero and a blonde girl who looks like she regrets eating breakfast this morning. “Deep breaths,” you whisper to her. “In through your nose, out through your mouth, like you’re blowing bubbles. and The boy is right — the three of you should look out for each other, if you want to make it out of here alive.

if this wasn’t clear, this is Sloane!! her and Aaric (and kinda Visia too but she’s less important) are gonna be Sunny’s gang, much like Ridoc and Sawyer and Rhi are Violet’s. and she still doesn’t know Aaric’s name here, or Sloane’s, but she’s already starting to get the feeling that they’re safe (not going to turn on her) and that they need to stick together.

plus a sneaky peekie because I cannot resist:

You give him a warm smile, grabbing one yourself along with a short knife. “You’re digging in too hard, and taking the meat along with it. You need to hold it more flat, and scrape, to take off just the skin. Like that.”

the boy can fight, and he’s well-read and knows fancy etiquette and all that… but he’s missing several normal-people-life-skills. baby prince cannot peel a potato to save his life. Sunny won’t judge him for it though. and he won’t judge her for not knowing certain things either.

+ some hints in the form of emoji:

💙🧡👑🎶🍓🩹👻🍀

okay I need to stop now. I’m giving it all away. but more of them soon!! they’re gonna be my next gf chapter because I luv them. and because once I finish ch 2, ch 3-4 are basically ready to go already hehe

[braveclementine]

Extra Bonus Chapter

Warnings: None

Copyright: I do not own any Marvel characters or locations. However, I do own my OC Elizabeth Lightwood. I do not condone any copying of this.

*This is not part of the actual book. The book ended two chapters ago and that's the true ending. However. . . ever since I fell in love with. . . well a certain book theme. . . I feel like I sort've have to include it in every book I write. So you can think of this as the 'real' ending, but it's really more like. . . ending 2. You can choose depending on which you like better: Realistic or Non-realistic*

🎃 :::::  🧡  ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━  🧡  ::::: 🎃

The Stark house was full of laughter and talking. You, Tony, Steve, Bucky, and Elizabeth had a dinner together almost every Sunday night. So the five of you were sitting around the rectangular table.

It had been about five more years ever since things had ended with Thanos and such. Elizabeth and Bucky no longer wore jackets or gloves over their Vibranium arms. Everleigh was heading off to college the next school term. You'd had another son three years ago named Blyke.

Elizabeth had another set of twins, a boy from Steve, a girl from Bucky. She'd named them after Harry Potter characters, which she was able to get away from because they were both head over heels with her and neither had any idea where their names originated.

Luna and Remus.

Tony had to hide his laughs from the super soldiers whenever Remus' name was said.

At the moment, you had all just finished a fried chicken dinner that Elizabeth and you had worked on together. Your children were all playing in the room next door, shouting as they played some sort of card game.

You were eating a chocolate muffin while Elizabeth ate vanilla cake. The three men drank beers.

"Oh yeah." Elizabeth said excitedly, more to you than the other three, but they trailed off to hear her. "I'm expecting."

"Again." You snorted teasingly.

"Yeah how many are you going to have?" Tony asked, sounding exhausted just with the idea of more kids.

"As many as God wants to give us." Elizabeth grinned. "Besides, it's not that bad. You have only four."

"Only four." Tony muttered.

"My stomach hurts just thinking about carrying another child." You sighed, although you wouldn't be opposed to another kid in reality.

"Pretty sure that's the chocolate muffin speaking." Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

You snickered. "Yes, that's probably true."

"So whose kid?" Tony asked, motioning between the two super soldiers.

"Neither." All three of them answered together. And then as though that wasn't enough, Bucky added, "He's Sams'. We're going to name him Heimdall if he's a boy or Frigga if she's a girl."

It took you a moment to realize what they were saying. You inhaled your soda, crying out as the bubbles rushed to your nose, making you flinch and your eyes start watering. Tony choked on his mouthful of beer.

Tony coughed, pointing wildly between Steve and Bucky, "How did- What? How? I don't-"

"It's very simple Stark." Bucky drawled, "Sam fucked our girl and got her pregnant."

Tony just gaped, but you were sort of wondering how neither Bucky nor Steve seemed upset about it.

"You're blushing." Elizabeth teased and your cheeks burned more.

"I-"

"How could you?" Tony asked, but more in a curious way. "How did it not burn when. . . I mean you know. . . cheating. . ."

"Oh," Elizabeth said brightly. "Well, you see, when both parties consent on all sides, the pain doesn't exist."

"Wait." You looked at Steve and Bucky, "So what you're saying is-"

"All five of us fucked?" Bucky finished for you.

"Language." Tony said.

Steve shot him a glare.

"Oh." You said, looking at Tony and then Elizabeth, "Well, um, congrats? I think."

Tony tossed his beer back, trying to drain it in one gulp.

"Want to join in?" Elizabeth asked.

Tony spit his beer upwards so that it sprayed all over his face and he choked on it again. When his throat cleared he near shouted, "You have terrible timing!"

"Y/N." Elizabeth and you knew you were burning as you looked over at her. "What would you think if I went ahead and sat on Tony's lap?"

You bit your bottom lip and Elizabeth didn't give you a chance to answer before she said, "And of course, Steve's lap is a possible seat along with Bucky's for you."

You saw Tony's eyes darken just a little bit and you decided to tease. "Well. . ." You said slowly, starting to smile. "We are sisters. We probably should share everything."

"Especially our toys." Elizabeth nodded seriously, getting up from her seat, sauntering around to stand in front of Tony. Tony's expression turned a little uncertain, but also curious. You slowly half rose from your seat, but couldn't muster the courage to actually approach Steve.

So you watched, lips twitching into an amused smile as Elizabeth ran a finger across Tony's cheek. He seemed stunned and suddenly Steve said in his Captain voice, "Y/N. Come here sweetheart."

You moved to stand in front of Steve, who was smirking, looking very relaxed in his chair.

"So," Elizabeth said, "May I?"

"Uh- Y/N?" Tony asked quickly. "I mean, I'm excited but it's up to you Pumpkin."

"We can try it out." Steve said, looking up at you. "If you hate it, we stop. We never talk about it again. This isn't something that if we don't do it, we're not still going to be friends. It's just a lifestyle we have and we're offering it."

You looked at Tony, "I would like to try it."

"Steve?" Elizabeth asked, glancing at him, biting her bottom lip.

"Go ahead doll." Bucky chuckled and held his flesh hand out for you. You smiled, crossing your arms over your chest.

"I think that's the wrong hand." You said.

Bucky blushed a little, slowly extending his metal hand. You hadn't touched it before, really. You placed your hand in the palm, finding it as cold as expected, but also warm. You slid your hand up his arm and loved as he closed his eyes, breathing in deeply.

Then slowly, you sat in his lap. His metal arm came around your hip and the two of you looked at each other for a moment, before you blushed. You busied yourself with looking at his arm, seeing that Stephen's name had been added right under Elizabeth's.

You touched it. "Wait, you're soulmated to them too?"

"Yeah." Steve nodded while Elizabeth rested her head on Tony's shoulder. "We've been together for about a year now. Just trying it out. We decided to be soulmates about two weeks ago. We've been waiting to see how you guys would react, but you both seem to be taking it well."

"We're not asking you two to soulmate to us." Bucky said quickly. "It was a choice on Sam's side that we do it and we thought it sounded good. But even if you guys just wanted to be with us occasionally, like we wouldn't expect you to soulmate with us as well."

"Wait. . ." You said slowly. "So would Tony and I interact with Stephen and Sam as well since you're all technically soulmated?"

"You could. But they would understand if not." Steve answered easily.

You looked at Tony and then grinned, "Well if Sam is involved, I'm in."

"Now wait a damn minute. . ." Bucky mumbled darkly. "What's so good about that little bird?"

Elizabeth laughed and Tony rolled his eyes. "Yeah right." Tony smirked, "You're thinking of the wrong one Y/N. I think you were actually thinking of that sexy wizard being the reason you want to jump into this."

You laughed, the tension in the room that had been there while trying this out was gone now. It felt amazing, the air in the room now. "You're probably right. The sexy wizard does have good appeal."

Steve chuckled at that.

"I agree." Elizabeth said brightly, sitting up a little more on Tony's lap. "The sexy-"

"If one of you call me a wizard one more time, I'm portaling you to Mars." Stephen threatened, walking into the dining room right then and there, Sam next to him. Sam was grinning and Stephen was smiling just a little bit.

You blushed darkly as the two of them came to stand near the rest of you. Stephen smirked at your husband, "So. . . Stark? You think I'm sexy?"

You looked and saw that Tony was blushing darkly, looking extremely flustered. Elizabeth flounced off his lap to go over and hug Sam, who wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

Tony cleared his throat, "Well, I mean. . . You are very um- good looking. I mean, anyone can see that-" Tony's words died as Stephen leaned over him, their lips inches apart. You could see Tony's adam apple bob hard. Then Stephen kissed him.

Your arousal spiked immediately and you rubbed your thighs together, forgetting where you were. But you remembered as Bucky chuckled, placing a hand on your thigh. "Oh doll. . ."

You blushed darkly, but couldn't tear your eyes away from where Tony was now clutching the front of Stephen's dress shirt, the two of them kissing deeply. Your heart actually skipped a beat, watching Stephen's tongue dip into Tony's mouth.

Suddenly, a completely different voice cleared their throat. You turned in Bucky's lap to see Everleigh standing in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest. Her headphones were around her neck now and she raised her eyebrows.

"Everly!" Tony yelped, falling out of his chair, while you tensed on Bucky's lap. "Knock!"

Everleigh sighed, rolling her eyes, "Please take the kinky stuff to the bedroom. Preferably at someone elses house."

"Right." Tony said while Sam and Steve smirked. Stephen only put his thumb at his own lip.

"Sorry." Elizabeth apologized sincerely.

Everleigh sighed, walking out of the room, muttering darkly about her parents.

You put a hand over your face, remembering all of the kids were in the other room.

"Was that the first guy you've ever kissed?" Elizabeth teased Tony and you watched in amusement as Tony turned red again.

"Ah- well- um-" Tony stuttered, getting off the floor, grabbing the empty beer bottles. "More beer anyone?" And he nearly sprinted for the kitchen.

Elizabeth giggled, dancing over to where Stephen as still standing, kissing his cheek. He wrapped his arms around her now.

"Well?" Sam asked you. "Gonna join in?"

You waited a moment, thinking about all of it, before tilting your head up, catching Bucky by surprise as you kissed him on the lips. He responded quickly though and you loved the way his lips felt against yours.

"Oh yeah." Tony said, coming back into the room. "I'm liking this idea. Sweetheart?"

"Let's do it." You breathed as you pulled away.

And you did.

[crochetedblorbos]

"Look, she's well steep."

Character Name: Montgomery “Three-Card Monty” Barker

Fandom: Realms of Peril & Glory (@realmspod), Liminal London campaigns [Podcast]

Played By: Naomi Clarke (@naomithinksit)

Yarn Used: Hair: CraftSmart Value - Toasted Almond Skin: CraftSmart Value - Taupe Birthmark/Mouth: Caron Lava Cakes - Sour Cherry Tracksuit: Red Heart Super Saver - Spring Green Zipper: CraftSmart Value - Heather Grey Shoes: CraftSmart Value - Tomato Soles: CraftSmart Value - White

Basic pattern here.

Monty, our beloved chicken nugget wizard. I fell in love with this kid pretty much from the moment I heard him (him being Naomi’s creation helped with that) and he’s just…adorable. And after Episode 4 of Loose Change (the fourth mystery), Great Googly Mooglies, that boy needs all the hugs. I hauled ass to get him finished in time for Episode 5 (I am writing this paragraph prior to actually finishing him, so we’ll see if I manage since it’s, uh, Sunday night). [Crafter’s note: I did not. I finished him two weeks later, in time for Episode 7.] He differs from the base pattern as follows:

Shoes: I actually used a different color for his soles this time! Like with Joseph’s, I did the soles in white, then switched to red for the body of the shoes. However, I did use white for the decreases at the toes in the first round of decreasing the shoes to give that white toe cap that’s so distinctive on Converse and Converse knockoffs (per Naomi, everything Monty owns is a knockoff). I also added an extra round of decreases to make longer flat tops to the shoes and skinnier ankles. The shoes went up to R9 like that, and then: R10: Ch 1, sc in front loops of first 5 sc, sl st in next 2 sc, sc in next 5 sc, sl st in first sc (12 sc).

Tracksuit: I asked on the Light & Tragic Discord, and Naomi was kind enough to inform me that Monty wears high-tops and tucks the hem of his tracksuit into them. I also wanted the pants to have a kind of baggy effect. So once I joined the tracksuit yarn, I chained 2, then did 2dc in the back loop of the first sc in R9, then dc in the back loop of the next 10 sc in R9, then 2dc in the back loop of the final sc in R9, sl st in first dc (15dc). I then continued as normal. I used the same method for his shirt as I did for Joseph and Gerry, just a bit higher up when I started the hemline. I also formed his torso the same way as I did Gerry’s—square most of the way up and then starting the decreases at the very end. Neither of these decisions were intentional, I just wasn’t paying attention to how many rounds I’d done. For the zipper, I tied three knots on top of one another to make a zipper pull, then embroidered in straight lines up and down either side of the zipper track before doing a cross stitch up the middle.

Head: Naomi said in S4E5 that Monty “had one of those big birthmarks” and I knew I had to include it. I didn’t really plan the defined edges of the birthmark, just changed color back and forth as seemed appropriate. Came out a bit Ziggy Stardust, but you know, it’s Monty. I also used safety eyes for him again. Think I put them in too far up too soon, because stitching around them was a pain in the ass, but it worked out.

Hair: I, uh. Forgot to start adding his hair in as low as I usually do, so his hairline is a bit higher in the back than normal, which is one of the reasons there are no pictures from behind, the other being that for some reason the seam got really jagged up the back (I’m guessing I wasn’t counting carefully enough and my joins got off). I’d meant for him to have a textured stitch to his hair, but I got to that point while I was away from home and didn’t have my book with all the stitches in it with me, so I improvised. I gave him a fun little swoosh of hair at the front. Turns out I was overcomplicating things with Hux’s and Mini’s hair. There’s a legitimate stitch called the hair stitch or fur stitch that does exactly what I was trying for on them with significantly less stress, so I used that here for Monty. Gives him kind of a cheeky look and I love it.

Arms: I used the same method I used for Joseph. I only stuffed up to R20 so he would have a little more flexibility in the shoulders.

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, 2/18 “Back In The Saddle” (more glorious filler) Part 1

The episode begins with an uninteresting Friday Night Dinner intro that has nothing worth writing about, except we see Richard again, and I feel like I haven't seen Richard in a really long time. (This is a Richard-centric episode, which is fine with me).

They fixed the Tomatos Sign? Say it ain't so!

Oh, the other chalkboard.

I recommend you all look up a woman named Valerie Campbell on TikTok or Instagram. She worked on the show and shares a lot of behind the scenes stories. I can’t seem to find this specific post again, but if you care to dig around yourself, she had a little story about the crew member that actually designed this sign.

I don't remember it being a particularly fascinating story, but if you want to hear the story of Sign Guy, go on and find Valerie.

Thinking about the time Rory took a slice of unbuttered unsyruped French toast on the run like it was a god damn pop tart. You weirdo.

LG: Look at the handwriting on that sign. It's so precise. So determined. It's focused Luke. RG: That's Jess' handwriting.

That tone of suspicion again. Sigh.

You know what, I won't pile on Lorelai too much for this comment, because it was lighthearted and not dripping with passive aggressive sauce for once. You win this round, Gilmore.

Couldn’t have killed you to throw in a “that’s so thoughtful/cute/sweet” or something though.

I love how blasé they are about their notions that either Luke or Jess could have such gorgeous handwriting. Neither of them are marveling even one bit over that skilled graphic design. Sad lack of shock, wonder, and awe.

Lorelai is very much NOT Team Jess and is actively trying to destroy this adorable friendship. Being a Lorelai and Literati supporter at the same time seems like a paradox of sorts? But hey, according to Tumblr, I'm just a big ol woman hater for saying Lorelai is evil. Continue, Lorelai. Lay some old fashioned Dean Lust on us. It's what the people want.

Rory looks thrilled to see ButtZilla.

Drop yourself off a bridge.

Lorelai: Please please please eat with us Dean!

So much said with so little in her tone of voice alone

From left to right: Wetting her pants in excitement to have Dean for breakfast/ thinking about covering his naked body in maple syrup; a man wondering if this will be one of the rarest of days when the Gilmores pay for their food; Hello Darkness My Old Friend; and Buttzilla.

I've got something you can eat, Dum Dum.

JOKES ON YOU BUTTZILLA! JESS WROTE THE SIGN! YOU'RE GONNA EAT AN OMELET THAT YOU ORDERED OFF A SIGN THAT JESS WROTE!

Mind your own business, AssButt. Your necklace is stupid and so are you. Your mother doesn't love you.

"Next time I get you all alone I'm going to give you SUCH a spanking, young man."

Poor put-upon Brad. One day, Brad will rule the world, and the peasants will be sorry. Our usual Chilton crew that consists of Rory, Paris, Madelyn, Louise, Brad, and one rando (some 30 Year Old Archie looking dude) are gearing up for a Business Fair. They have to invent a product appealing to high schoolers. Rory is the CEO, and they have an imaginary 1 million dollars to imaginary market/produce/and distribute it. They also have to find a responsible adult to be their "business advisor". Richard will eventually join them and muck things up. Everyone else's negligent dads are too busy working and Rory's deadbeat dad Crusty is off somewhere trying to impregnate some chick named Sherry and wouldn't know how to Business if his life depended on it, so Richard it is. But this is the 2000s, so surely someone's mother could also have business experience?

Paris and Madelyn suggest Rory's mom, seeing as she "Runs a hotel", but the girls wouldn't know that Rory's mom regularly leaves her shift in the middle of the day to do things like look at coffins. Not a good role model. Joyous filler nonsense.

Rory: LOL yeah I guess. Let’s have someone look at Lorelai’s “books”. The Independence Inn and Stars Hollow are both an accountant's wet dream.

I neglected to include Brad in my poll of Gilmore Girls characters whose quietly bubbling anger will one day no longer stay contained until they snap and murder somebody.

She's definitely not, but Paris threatens her so Rory promises to ask her anyway.

The people of Stars Hollow are incredibly angry and violent. Don't let their sweet faces fool you. Try to take away their coffee or twinkle lights, or fuck up their wedding invitations, and you'll be sorry.

[anon-e-miss]

Vault - Reunion

“Thank ya,” Ricochet murmured when Prime and Ironhide were out of audio range. Jazz nodded.

“I don’t think he bought a scrap of that,” Barricade said, wary as ever.

“Important thing is Prime’s goin’ long wit it,” Jazz replied. “Ironhide ain’t gonna start scrap wit ya without his okay.”

Out of sight, out of processor, Jazz thought the easiest way to keep Barricade from getting any grief was to keep him close to home while he settled. Jazz did not entirely trust Barricade’s motives, neither did he entirely trust Ricochet’s judgment but he was prepared to wait and see. There was no need to worry about his allegiance for a while. With the bitty he was carrying, Barricade would be out of commission for a while. Given the chaos in Darkmount, his and Ricochet’s absence would not be noticed for some time to come and even when it was, there were good odds that the Cons would blame it on Tarantulas. There was no need to let Megs know the eight-legged freak had been eliminated. Let Tarantulas’ drones keep them on the fritz until they fizzled out.

“Which one of got yourself scrapped?” Ratchet demanded without looking up from the CR chamber. Prime was in the medbay with him, Ironhide was mercifully absent. He never lingered in the medbay lest Ratchet get the idea he needed a tune up.

“Not scrapped,” Barricade grumbled. “Just carrying.”

“Room 3,” Ratchet ordered. “Lie down.”

“The bitlet’s my nephew,” Barricade said. “Can I just stay long enough to see that he’s okay.”

“Nephew?” Ratchet asked. “Prowl knows how to keep his secrets. Lie down on that medberth over there. Keep quiet.”

Ricochet helped Barricade onto the medberth and helped him settle on his side so he could watch. Jazz made his way over to Optimus and left his brother to fuss over his lover. He had not had the slightest idea of Ricochet’s romance with a Decepticon and as a result he had not done any digging to see just what sort of mech Barricade really was. That he had found Tarantulas’ lair, that he had been after vengeance for his brother despite the vorns of no contact, that he had wanted to save the nephew he had never known both spoke well for him. What Jazz could confirm was his testimony regarding Sentinel being responsible for the destruction of Praxus. The scum bucket had left behind plenty of other evidence regarding his crimes, mostly because he had not seen them as crimes but as acts of righteousness.

“You haven’t told Prowl or Punch would have alerted that he was trying to drag himself here,” Optimus said.

“I didn’t wanna be alone when I broke his spark if the news was bad,” Jazz explained. “He’d need ya, ‘n Ratchet.”

“He never never mentioned a brother,” Prime said.

“They both kept it close to their sparks,” Jazz replied. “‘M thinkin’ there was a lot of sparklin’ package there. But they made a pact, once Prowl appeared on our side, not to harm each other. Cade didn’t know Tarantulas had’m or he woulda gotten ‘mself slagged to save him. I need ya to be honest wit me. Cade said he joined the Cons because he heard Sentinel Prime give the order to wipe Praxus off the map and Megs had the city encircled. That ring true?”

“Yes,” Optimus replied with an all too familiar world weary gravity.

“Figured it wasn’t somethin’ he’d lie about,” Jazz sighed.

“Megatron wasn’t the villain in the beginning,” Optimus replied. “If he hadn’t lost his way, our history books would write him as the saviour of Cybertron.”

“What happened?” Jazz asked.

“I wish I knew,” Optimus replied. “Because if I did I might be able to fix it.”

“I’m activating the release protocols,” Ratchet said. “Don’t interfere. If he reacts badly I don’t need to be tripping over anyone.”

“Consider us statues,” Jazz said. He held his intakes as he watched Ratchet definitely key in a long string of commands. With a hiss, the CR chamber opened. From within it came a piercing cry.

“Owie!” The bitlet wailed and Jazz felt a tug on his spark. As Ratchet picked Ostaros up from the chamber, he brushed away a dozen cables. The bitlet, a large and chubby thing, kicked and cried as Ratchet crooned to him and set him on a medberth. “Owie!”

“Is he hurt?” Jazz asked as the bitlet seemed to cry in pain.

“He’s calling for Prowl,” Ratchet replied. “Owie, Ori. It’s okay, Sweetling. We’re going to bring your to your Ori soon.”

“How is he?” Prime asked.

“Perfect health,” Ratchet said. “Miraculously. There are scars around his spark chamber. That monster tried to implant his spark chamber in that protoform you found. I’m not sure how the shock didn’t kill him.”

“‘M sorry I can’t drag ‘m up from the Pit to kill’m again,” Jazz said.

“Owie,” the bitlet thrashed.

“Barricade, are you actually Prowl’s brother?” Ratchet asked.

“We shared a progenitor,” Barricade explained.

“It could be enough resonance to settle him enough to finish my exam,” Ratchet declared. “Ricochet, help him sit up. I need Barricade to hold Ostaros while I look him over.”

“Sure,” Ricochet helped Barricade sit up. The gravid Praxian did not look quite as ashen or green. Hopefully solid ground and clean air would help his light-cycle sickness.

“Hold him against your spark,” Ratchet ordered as he draped the bitlet against Barricade’s chassis. “Don’t kick your cousin.”

“No owie,” the little one whined as he looked at Barricade. The familial resonance was still enough, or maybe it was the doorwings. Either way, he stopped thrashing and just sulked.

“I’m not but you’ll see him soon,” Barricade reassured him as Ratchet ran more scans and did a physical exam.

“Everything seems to be... perfect,” Ratchet said, sighing with relief. “Do you want an energon goodie, Sweetling?”

“Goodie?” Ostaros perked up.

“Mhm,” Ratchet reached into his subspace and offered the bitlet a treat. Ostaros took it and shoved it into his mouth and smiled as he chewed.

“He’s perfect,” Optimus said. “Thank Primus.”

“He is,” Ratchet confirmed. “Barricade and bitlet are in good shape. They just need Barricade to get a few good meals in him and some real rest.”

“Eh?” Barricade asked.

“I mostly had you hold the bitlet to distract you,” Ratchet declared and Barricade flushed. “I’ll give Ricochet a list of supplements I want you on because I’m going to guess you haven’t let Hook or Oilslick anywhere near you.”

“Absolutely not,” Barricade confirmed.

“He’s got pretty much constant nausea, that okay?” Ricochet asked.

“It can be,” Ratchet replied. “Filtered midgrade could agree with you better, Barricade. Filler in rations can be hard on the fuel tank.”

“Okay,” Barricade said. He looked up at Ricochet.

“I’ll get it for ya,” Ricochet promised him. “Ya don’t gotta worry ‘bout havin’ enough, Sweetspark. Not here.”

“Ratchet, Prowl’s gotta be feelin’ the bond again ‘n goin’ half crazy,” Jazz said. “Can we bring ‘m to ‘m?”

“Everyone is good to go,” Ratchet confirmed.

“Prowl... might not want to see me,” Barricade said. “He doesn’t know... He should get the chance to just be happy.”

“The bitty just settle cause ya feel familiar enough wit the resonance,” Jazz replied. “Ya led us to ‘m. Prowl’s gonna be happy ya helped get’m ‘n yerself home safe.”

“Prowl can hold long grudges,” Barricade cautioned him.

“If he thought ya was scrap, he woulda seen ya scrapped,” Jazz replied. “Even if he didn’t know. He understood enough.”

“Barricade,” Optimus interjected. “If Prowl has any doubts, I can confirm the destruction of Praxus was at Sentinel Prime’s servos. Prowl’s suffering at Tarantulas servos began with him as well. I can’t imagine, hearing what you did and seeing what you did and losing what you did, making a different choice than you made.

“Thank you,” Barricade murmured.

“A transport will be outside waiting,” Optimus said. “Tell Prowl I’ll check on him and his bitlet later. I think he is going to feel overwhelmed as it is.”

“Comin’ to help if he has a crash, right Ratch?” Jazz asked.

“Yes, I’m coming,” Ratchet replied. “I want Barricade back for an ultrasound. After everyone settles. I think the procreators to be would probably like a first look at their creation.”

“Yes, please,” Barricade agreed. Ricochet was smiling in a way Jazz had never seen before. Impending procreatorhood suited him.

Jazz tickled Ostaros’ cheekplate as Barricade carried him to the transport. He had been frozen in time at 3 vorns old. Somehow he had come out of statsis with no ill effects, at testament, Jazz thought, to how well Prowl had looked after him. The bitlet was a hefty little thing, bigger in every way that Jazz would have thought he would be. He remembered Cheetor describing Prowl has having looked frail with a large belly. Beyond every other torture, the rapes and degradation, what had Prowl endured just to bring this bitlet into the world. Taratulas was no medic and Jazz did not want to imagine Prowl enduring a c-section at his servos. If Prowl had suffered lingering damage from the ordeal, Ratchet must have repaired it during the marathon surgeries. Even if Jazz asked after it, Ratchet would never tell him. His patient had his privacy rights.

“Owie?” Ostaros perked up as the transport pulled up to Jazz’s building. He looked about, looked for his originator. “Owie?”

“Almost there,” Jazz promised. “‘M a little surprised he ain’t waitin’ on the sidewalk. ‘M glad but I gotta wonder what Ori had to do to keep Prowl in berth.”

“You picked a good nursemech for Prowl,” Ratchet declared. “Don’t know if I could have managed it without sedatives.”

“Where are we going to stay?” Barricade asked Ricochet. “I know you don’t have a place in Iacon.”

“Wit us for now,” Jazz answered for his twin. “It’ll be cozy but it won’t suit Ori to see either o’ ya in a hotel.”

“You two realize your originator is terrifying, right?” Barricade asked.

“Y’re carryin’ his grandbitty, yer automatically gonna be in his good books,” Ricochet promised him. “Me, ‘m the one in trouble for not gettin’ ya outta Darkmount sooner.”

“He’s right,” Jazz declared. “Ricochet better treat ya like a king if he wants to get outta the dung heap.”

They took the elevator up and it was a tight squeeze but no one was keen on waiting for the next one. Everyone wanted to see Ostaros in Prowl’s arms. Jazz led the way to his habsuite and knocked twice, once heavy and once light, before entering his encryption. You never just came into the habsuite when Punch was on guard, you always gave a helms up. Barricade froze but Ricochet took his arm and tugged him gently into the doorway. As his lover dug his peds in and shook his helm, Jazz stepped off to the side and watched Ori silently approached. It was obvious Barricade was scared, not of physical damage, Jazz thought, but maybe something worse and it was making his gold face plates pale and gold green at the edges.

“I don’t think...” Barricade murmured.

“Everythin’s gonna be fine,” Ricochet promised him.

“Jazz can take him to Prowl,” Barricade said. “He doesn’t need me.”

“Owie?” Ostaros did not exactly strain in Barricade’s hold but he looked about wildly.

“Please Jazz?” Barricade asked, desperate for an escape. As he looked to Jazz, he saw Punch and he went ashen.

“Take the bitty,” Punch ordered and Jazz took Ostaros as Barricade just about shoved the little one into his arms as he wobbled. “Ricochet, get’m on the couch.”

“Easy Barricade,” Ratchet cajoled him. “Sit.”

“I’ll make some ruby tea,” Punch declared. “No sense tryin’ to fuel’m when his tank is rollin’.”

“What should I do?” Jazz asked as he bounced Ostaros lightly. “Should I wait.”

“Take the bitlet to Prowl,” Punch ordered. “Before the Twins can’t hold’em anymore.”

“So that was yer trick,” Jazz said.

“Oh yeah,” Punch replied. “I don’t play clean ‘n fair.”

“Geni!” Sideswipe exclaimed as he stepped into the doorway. He and Sunstreaker were sitting on Prowl’s legs with colouring books in front of them. Prowl stared at Jazz and then at the bitlet in utter disbelief. He shook his helm.

“Owie!” Ostaros made grabby servos as he called to his originator.

“He’s yers,” Jazz assured him. “The reason the bond went quiet was because the freak had’m in a CR chamber. Ratchet’s cleared ‘m. He’s in perfect shape.”

“My bitlet,” Prowl sat up straighter and leaned to reach for the bitlet. Jazz sat at the edge of the berth and put the little mechling in his arms.

“Easy,” he soothed.

“Owie,” Ostaros snuggled against Prowl’s spark.

“That’s yer bitty?” Sideswipe asked.

“Mhm,” Prowl hugged the bitlet tight, tears of joy in his optics. “I designated him Springer.”

“Not Ostaros?” Jazz asked and Prowl shook his helm.

“Tarantulas called him Ostaros,” he explained. “He was always Springer for me.”

“It’s a good designation,” Jazz replied. His own creations inched up for a better look. They surrounded Prowl like Jazz imagined older siblings getting their first look at a new bitty brother.

“He’s pretty cute,” Sunstreaker declared and Prowl chuckled and stroked his helm.

“Thank you,” Prowl said. “So are you.”

[sirianasims]

Chapter 9

The End of an Era

Welcome back to the Duchelli household, where we are hurtling towards the final stretches of our first generation.

I’m not sure what is going on here, but I think Johnny is showing off some yoga moves. On the sidewalk. To a stray cat.

His daughter Jodi is pretending she doesn’t know him in the background.

To increase the household income enough to send Cora off to university, everyone is working hard. On top of her criminal activities, Alex has taking up writing a few books and painting.

Cora is still single and has no real friends, so for Love Day, she gives a rose to her beloved sister.

Brielle and Shawn used Love Day to finally make it official. No one was surprised, as they have been together for a while.

Another visitor dropping by is one of Brie’s best friends, Ariana Broke. She’s one of Angela and Dustin Broke’s twin daughters.

This is Adriana, the other twin. Both twins are very close with Brie.

Cora has neither the time nor inclination for making friends. It’s all about homework.

After fulfilling his aspiration to be the greatest bodybuilder ever, Don is back to being a serial romantic. He still has strong opinions on cheating, and most of the women closer to his age are married, so the dating pool is honestly a little sparse. Therefore, he invites out the somewhat younger Evie Delgato.

Evie tells Don all about her college, and mentions how she isn’t planning on settling down in a serious relationship until she gets her career started, so she’s open to just having some fun.

And so, after “having some fun” in a back room of the bar…

… Don kisses Evie goodbye before she heads back to her dorm.

Cora has gotten a job as a barista, which means she has to get up insanely early. So she’s always tired and in a bad mood. Late night studying does not work well with 5 AM workdays.

After work and a nap, she barely has time to fall asleep in her breakfast before going to school.

Her barista job, however, has given her a newfound appreciation for coffee, and she manages to talk her parents into letting her buy a fancy coffee maker at home.

Much better! Hopefully this’ll get her up in the morning.

While out on the town one day, Don hears someone cry in the ladies room. Out comes Morgan Fyres-Munch. Don asks her what is wrong, and she tells him that her and Wolfgang’s marriage has been rocky for a while, due to the stress of them living with her aging parents, and he finally had enough and left her.

Always the gentleman, Don cheers Morgan up and invites her to join him for coffee.

They hit it off immediately, and Don does his best to make Morgan feel better about herself.

It doesn’t take long before Morgan starts flirting back.

And to no one’s surprise, they end up in a back room.

Cora is really doing nothing but studying. She’s trying to get accepted into the distinguished degree in Physics at Foxbury University, and that takes hard work.

One evening, the girls are given school projects as usual, and Brie brings, besides one of the Broke twins, this guy.

His name is Aidan, and it turns out he’s a bit of a nerdy loner. Maybe Brie brought him because he reminds her of Cora. They immediately bond over robots.

“Alex, babe, will you still love me when I’m old and wrinkly?”

“Of course, honey.”

And so, Don is the first member of the family to hit old age.

Cora, would it kill you to leave the voidcritters alone and attend your father’s birthday? Sheesh. Even Christie from his fitness club is more excited than you.

beginning / previous / next

[varian212]

{Books read from July 8 to July 13.}

1

Author's Name: Erich Maria Remarque

Number of Pages: 250

Summary:

War breaks out in Germany in 1914. Paul Bäumer and his classmates quickly enlist in the army to serve their fatherland. No sooner are they drafted than the first images from the battlefield show them the reality of war.

My favorite quotes:

“Why do they never tell us that you are poor devils like us, that your mothers are just as anxious as ours, and that we have the same fear of death, and the same dying and the same agony—Forgive me, comrade; how could you be my enemy?”

''It is very queer that the unhappiness of the world is so often brought on by small men.''

(The word "queer" means here strange, unusual, or odd.)

''We were eighteen and had begun to love life and the world; and we had to shoot it to pieces.''

 ''We had suddenly learned to see. And we saw that there was nothing of their world left. We were all at once terribly alone; and alone we must see it through.''

“Ah! Mother, Mother! You still think I am a child - why can I not put my head in your lap and weep? Why have I always to be strong and self-controlled? I would like to weep and be comforted too, indeed I am little more than a child; in the wardrobe still hang short, boy's trouser - it is such a little time ago, why is it over?”

Thoughts on It:

The scenes where Paul returns home on leave for a short time were the hardest for me. Paul knew the place so well, yet everything seemed strange and meaningless to him. The books he had spent so much time studying for school seemed like a joke after his experience in the war.

Back home,the desire of people, especially men, to know more about the war seemed annoying to him. He had to lie to his mother that things were fine in the war, that he was safe, and that they had enough food. When the reality was exactly the opposite, there were scenes where Paul and the other soldiers had to hide their food from rats, where they had to stay buried underground until the barrage of shells stopped (the sound of which was loud and painful—a technique often used in war to keep the enemy awake as long as possible, rendering them incapable of fighting).

I think the most horrifying thing about this book is how Paul, along with the other soldiers, are made to join the army under the pretense that they are the "golden generation" that will save Germany. Of course, an idiotic phrase said just to make as many boys as possible join the army. No one prepared them for what was to come, and no one told them that they might not return home.

Next is a story about the author of the book, not a very funny one; you can skip to the next book title - City of Thieves.

Here is the quote from the beginning of the novel:

“This book is to be neither an accusation nor a confession, and least of all an adventure, for death is not an adventure to those who stand face to face with it. It will try simply to tell of a generation of men who, even though they may have escaped shells, were destroyed by the war.”

Erich Maria Remarque personally met Adolf Hitler in World War I, where both fought on the German side. Over time, it is said that their relationship (which was almost nonexistent, with them exchanging only a few words) fell apart.

The war ended, and Erich Maria Remarque returned to writing. He wrote his first book, which was not very successful (titled The Dream Room). He did not become famous until 1929, after his book All Quiet on the Western Front immediately caught the public's attention with many copies sold. 

What further changed the situation was an adaptation of the novel, the first adaptation (there are now three films), released in 1930.

After this first adaptation, the authorities heard about the novel, and of course, they did not like it. Remarque's work presented exactly what they were trying to hide—that war is grotesque, irrelevant to ordinary people, and that once you leave the war (if you are lucky enough to do so), your life will never return to what it was.

Remember, this was 1930, nine years before the start of World War II. 

By 1933, the Nazi regime made it a national crime to own a copy of All Quiet on the Western Front. All copies had to be handed over to the authorities.

Joseph Goebbels (chief propagandist for the Nazi Party, and later Reich Minister of Propaganda) along with Hitler planned to go to Erich's house and kill him, considering him and his works a "threat to the ideology of the entire Nazi Party."

Fortunately, Erich was warned by his acquaintances of this murder attempt and left for the United States via Switzerland in 1939. The Nazis were not happy when they found out. But Erich lived his life continuing to write books, far from his homeland. The saddest part of this story is what happened to his younger sister, who remained in Germany.

Elfriede Scholz had to answer for her crimes as well as her brother's. Her crimes consisted of being overheard by her landlord saying that the Nazi-driven war was a lost cause, and his for writing this book.

Elfriede was judged and found guilty, and on December 16, 1943, she was beheaded, just four years after Remarque’s departure from Germany.

Erich did not know about his younger sister's death until after the war. He would dedicate his 1952 novel Spark of Life to her. The dedication was omitted in the German version of the book, reportedly because he was still seen as a traitor by some Germans.

I think the story behind this book makes it a million times more powerful, and I am sorry I did not give the book a chance until now.

Please give it a try, I don't think you'll regret it! And, of course, the latest adaptation of the film (2022) can be seen on Netflix, almost as good as the book.

Trigger Warnings!!!

Animal,death,death,gore,hospitalization,surgery,violence,war.

2

Author's Name: David Benioff

Number of Pages: 258 

Sumamry:

The plot revolves around two Russian youths; a looter and a deserter. Both crimes have the death penalty, but a high ranking colonel makes them an offer. The city is starving, but he wants a dozen eggs to make a cake. If the two of them can find these within 72 hours, he'll spare their lives.

My favorite quotes:

''You couldn't let too much truth seep into your conversation, you couldn't admit with your mouth what your eyes had seen. If you opened the door even a centimeter, you would smell the rot outside and hear the screams. You did not open the door. You kept your mind on the tasks of the day, the hunt for food and water and something to burn, and you saved the rest for the end of the war.''

“I never understood people who said their greatest fear was public speaking, or spiders, or any of the other minor terrors. How could you fear anything more than death? Everything else offered moments of escape: a paralyzed man could still read Dickens; a man in the grips of dementia might have flashes of the must absurd beauty.”

“You don't like the girl. You don't know what color eyes she has, you don't like her.”

“You're a writer. Make it up.

-What's the good news?

-Pardon?

-You said the bad news is we're going the wrong way.

-There isn't any good news. Just because there's bad news doesn't mean there's good news, too.”

“Those words you want to say right now? Don't say them.' He smiled and cuffed my cheek with something close to real affection. 'And that, my friend, is the secret to living a long life'.”

Thoughts on It:

I know some of you might not have high expectations just because it's a book written by the guy who also did Game of Thrones. That's what I thought too, until I read it and found that the atmosphere and characters he created are worth reading about and you'll find them interesting.

 Kolya, who is somewhat of a playboy, a semi-intellectual from the Soviet Union, and Lev, the protagonist, are set to spend 2 days together searching for eggs so that one of the leaders can make a cake for his daughter's wedding. (This creates a discrepancy, a sort of "let them eat cake" irony, because people are starving to death, yet this leader is thinking about a cake to please his daughter.) 

Kolya and Lev form an iconic duo, and finding eggs should be easy under normal circumstances. However, not in Leningrad, amidst a military conflict.

By the way, to be honest, I thought until the end that these guys would develop a romantic relationship. Things were becoming quite sus between them.

Although this book and All Quiet on the Western Front have much in common, City of Thieves seemed to me to be a couple of notches lighter than All Quiet On The Western Front. 

I remember when I read All Quiet On The Western Front, I had that initial feeling where I thought about how horrifying it would be for me to go through what the protagonist had experienced. Throughout the book, there are only one or two happier moments, although to say happy is an exaggeration.

All Quiet on the Western Front makes you feel powerless, it makes you believe that there is no hope left, that nothing is worth fighting for anymore.

In City of Thieves, although the atmosphere is equally brutal, equally grim, there are still some interesting moments that make you almost forget what kind of book you're reading.

I recommend reading All Quiet on the Western Front first, and then reading this one as a sort of solace.

Trigger Warnings!!!

Gun violence, Child death, Cannibalism, Blood, War, Sexual violence, Death, and Gore

3

Author's Name: Donna Tartt  

Number of Pages: 771 pages  

Summary: 

Theodore Decker was 13 years old when his mother was killed in a bombing at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York. The tragedy changes the course of his life, sending him on a stirring odyssey of grief and guilt, reinvention and redemption, and even love. Through it all, he holds on to one tangible piece of hope from that terrible day -- a painting of a tiny bird chained to its perch.

My favorite quotes:

“Every new event—everything I did for the rest of my life—would only separate us more and more: days she was no longer a part of, an ever-growing distance between us. Every single day for the rest of my life, she would only be further away.”

“We looked at each other. And it occurred to me that despite his faults, which were numerous and spectacular, the reason I’d liked Boris and felt happy around him from almost the moment I’d met him was that he was never afraid. You didn’t meet many people who moved freely through the world with such a vigorous contempt for it and at the same time such oddball and unthwartable faith in what, in childhood, he had liked to call “the Planet of Earth.”

“There had been nights in the desert where I was so sick with laughter, convulsed and doubled over with aching stomach for hours on end, I would happily have thrown myself in front of a car to make it stop.”

Thoughts on It:

At first read, I loved it immediately -I felt like each part of the book had its own vibe, completely different from the rest of the story. I enjoyed Theo's life in Las Vegas; it seemed so dream-ish and reminded me somewhat and only a little bit of Cormac McCarthy's All the Pretty Horses.

Theo's character seems complex, easy to understand and relate to in some moments, but impossible in others. The way he suffered, how one moment in his life spent in the wrong room managed to drastically change his life. Some would call it destiny; I think it's something much scarier and surprising than that. I don't think I managed to fully identify with him, though. And I don't think I would do the same things he did in the book. Sometimes I think about how insignificant his life was, how he spent all these years obsessed with that painting.

I honestly think that Donna has a thing for obsessions, how they can take over your entire life, change you into someone else.

The relationship between him and Boris seemed a bit confusing, and in the end, I concluded that they were just two quite lonely people, two teenagers who needed each other when no adult was concerned about them. I liked Boris as a character; I liked how he was brought back, although his departure from the book was rather random.

I expected him to continue with Theo.

Poor Andy, though. Sometimes I read about characters and think how terrible it would be to be in their place. Andy was hurt by the thing he hated most - the irony of it all.

Another character I liked was Hobie. Reminding me of Harold Stein from A Little Life, Hobie falls into that category of super chill characters who help the main character heal, become better, even if with a small, almost insignificant fragment. I really think Hobie managed to make Theo's life better and was one of the few normal adults in the book.

Pippa, I don't have much to say about her. An okay character, although the interactions between her and Theo seemed cringy (I think because of Theo). I found it interesting that even though Theo grows up and is no longer the same 13-year-old boy from the beginning, his life seems not to have moved on. He still thinks about Pippa and has a connection to the ring he took from Hobie's partner, and most importantly, Theo continues to think about the painting all those years - as if Theo never left the explosion, and he relives it over and over.

Of course, there are a few things in the book that were a bit dragged out and made me give it only 3,5 stars. Some descriptions were too long and unnecessary, to the point where I forgot what was happening and had to go back a few pages.

Here I'm referring to everything except the description of the work Hobie,(and then Theo too) did. Reading all those descriptions reminded me of another book that you might like if you enjoyed this one, namely The Lost Painting: The Quest for a Caravaggio Masterpiece by Jonathan Harr. It's about a lost and found painting, about all the beautiful work of restoring them (take notes, Theodore Decker ).

On the other hand, I wish some aspects were explained more. There's that contrast again between the multitude of descriptions of insignificant things and the aspects the author doesn’t address but should.

For example, I would have liked the dynamic between Hobie and Welty to be discussed more, but I understand that the events are narrated from Theo's perspective, who is too preoccupied with his own dramas and experiences. 

One scene that left me confused is this one;

“Tell Hobie to get out of the store,” he (Welty) said thickly.

In disbelief, I watched the blood trickling bright from the corner of his mouth. He’d loosened his tie by yanking at it; “here,” I said, reaching over to help, but he batted my hands away.

“He’s got to close the register and get out!” he rasped. “His father’s sending some guys to beat him up—”

-Page 44

Why is there no further mention of this throughout the book, and why doesn’t Theo tell Hobie what Welty told him, that his father had sent some boys to beat him up? I want to believe that maybe Welty was just in too much pain and not fully aware of what he was saying, maybe some flashbacks from the past?

Anyway,another issue I had with the book was the ending, which felt a bit too Hollywood movie-like for me.

I think it could have ended differently and better, without the final section of the book feeling like a Russian mafia x Depressed and obsessed after a painting boy fanfiction with the tag "dead dove do not eat" and "hurt/comfort."

The book seemed so perfect to me until then that I probably would have given it 5 stars (and so far, I've only given one book 5 stars in my entire life). I've seen other opinions saying they found it interesting, I couldn't swallow it.

I plan to wait a few years before reading the book again; I'm pretty sure my opinion will dramatically change, and this is just my immediate reaction to it all.

Overall, this book had the premise to be a masterpiece, but it turned out to be just a very good book. 

Trigger Warnings!!!

Death,depression,drug abuse (heavy),suicidal thoughts,attempted suicide,terrorism

4

Author's Name: John Edward Williams

Number of Pages: 278

Summary :

The novel follows the life of William Stoner, his career as an academic teacher in literature, the relationship with his wife, Edith, the affair with his work colleague, Katherine, and his relationship with his daughter, Grace.

My favorite quotes :

"He carried this feeling of loss with him throughout the graduation exercises."

"She continued to talk, and after a while he began to hear what she was saying. Years later it was to occur to him that in that hour and a half on that December evening of their first extended time together, she told him more about herself than she ever told him again. And when it was over, he felt that they were strangers in a way that he had not thought they would be, and he knew that he was in love." 

“He was forty-two years old, and he could see nothing before him that he wished to enjoy and little behind him that he cared to remember.”

“He listened to his words fall as if from the mouth of another, and watched his father’s face, which received those words as a stone receives the repeated blows of a fist.”

“Because in the long run' Stoner said, 'it isn't Edith or even Grace, or the certainty of losing Grace, that keeps me here; it isn't the scandal or the hurt to you or me; it isn't the hardship we would have to go through, or even the loss of love we might have to face. It's simply the destruction of ourselves, of what we would do'.”

Thoughts on It:

You don’t need much information before starting the novel, only that it is good enough to deserve everyone’s attention.

The summary doesn’t quite do the book justice, it is simply about the life of Stoner, first a student, then a university professor. In essence, not much happens, and most scenes are predictable. I think this is what makes the book so good—it presents the life of a man. Not a very happy life, not much, but still a life.

Stoner's relationship with Edith, his wife, is complex and difficult to understand. Certain behaviors of Edith suggest she might suffer from some mental illnesses, but these are never addressed further in the book, likely due to the period in which the book is set (pre-WWI to a few years after WWII).

Their relationship seemed sad to me, one that no one would want to have. Stoner tried, I believe, to be a good husband and father. I’m not sure how well he succeeded, nor how much he actually tried.

If I were to recommend just one book out of these four, it would definitely be Stoner, as seen in the rating.

Although I just finished the book, I am sure I will reread it soon. Now I understand what people mean when they say they have a comfort book.

Trigger Warnings!!!

Themes of sexual violence, ableism and alcoholism

Moderate ones : Abandonment, War, Body shaming, Pregnancy, Alcoholism, Fatphobia, and Gaslighting.

[blueberrypancakesworld]

The arrival - Chapter 1

warning : comfort , tiny angst , little emotional , fluff , making friends

next chapter , masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Earth, a planet which in the drawings, the old books, the old documents was once a beautiful blue planet. For millions of years it was, until the people exaggerated it. Now it was nothing but a dying planet that could not heal itself. Not if humans continued to live on it.

It was a sadness to see all this, a sadness she only saw in part. ,,Miss, is this going to be on the test?" she heard the question of one of her students as she moved away from the blackboard. ,,Yes, it will be, I want you all to look at the plants on page one hundred and two by the day after tomorrow. The phenotypic and genotypic structure will be covered," she explained, smiling as she heard the sighs and laughter of some.

She let her gaze wander, saw the colors passing through her vision, the light from above coming from the lamps, the little light from outside.

She had her own vision. ,,So please-," she began, but stopped when the door to her room opened. Who is that? she asked herself, not recognizing the footsteps.

They were not the happy ones of the teenagers, or the bouncing ones of the children. But neither were they the determined ones of the other teachers. They were heavier, more disciplined. ,,How can I help the military?" she asked, looking at them questioningly.

Her reluctance was subliminal in her question. She did not see it and yet her students seemed to giggle. ,,Please, students, go take a break," she said and waited until all the students had withdrawn. ,,Sorry to disturb you, Miss Wilder, could we have a few minutes?" asked a man walking towards her. Leaning against her table, she sighed.

,,Why? If you've already sought me out, you should know my dislike for you," she said snappishly, folding her arms in front of her chest. ,,We are not here because of our dislikes. We are here to make you an offer," he said, and she heard his dislike as well.

Shaking her head slightly, she reached for her bag before taking her folded cane and walking past the two. ,,No interest and stay away from me," she warned and had already put her hand on the handle when his voice went through the quiet classroom, ,,Not even if we give you a trip to Pandora and funded research as well as the opportunity to see again". She stopped.

Her hand hung over the corner of the clinic, slowly realizing what he meant. Despite all the technology on Earth, nothing was free. And getting her vision back was something she could not afford. One thing she had to accept. The possibilities that opened up.

The possible journey to the planet she had been admiring, learning about, writing her thesis about since she was a student. The planet she emptied at school in the hope that the younger ones would try to save what could be saved. The plants and animals, the miracles she heard. A paid research, with like-minded people.

The possibility of seeing again, the possibility of seeing Pandora and not the broken earth. ,,What do you want from me?" she asked and turned to the two. She didn't know if they were smiling or not.

It was all the same and yet she hated herself for her weakness. ,,They are involved in our research. You have all the resources you need on Pandora, in return you just give us some data about nature" he said almost too easily.

A simple offer, but an offer that hurt. Am I cheating myself? she asked herself, not knowing if she was. ,,You would join Doctor Augustine's research, a project with the inhabitants of the planet," he added, and even if she didn't see him, she knew he could already guess her decision. ,,Doctor Augustine...how long has she been there?" she asked another question, hoping to avert her decision.

Not to give people the satisfaction of needing her. ,,It's been a while, but it's clear that we don't want to do without you. Your studies of plants are important, despite the fact that you have never been to Pandora, and your results are a source of research, teaching and study," he said.

She shook her head again, knowing that if she did, her life would probably change. But did she want to? Of course, and yet she left her students alone. They will understand, she thought to herself, thinking about her lessons, the happy stories, the films and the lectures.

They would manage without her. ,,You don't have to read my life to me...when do we start?" she said, avoiding their gaze. Even if she did not see them, she knew that they were smiling.

Maybe she was cheating herself by working for the men she hated, the men who mined and threatened Pandora. And yet the prospect of finally going to Pandora, feeling nature, studying it, watching it.

To get her sight back. A chance to see Pandora. ,,Tomorrow morning I'll be glad to have her with me," she heard him say before he held out his hand to her. ,,I'll be at the dock," she said dismissively before walking out, leaving them both behind. Her heart was beating too fast for her own good.

The excitement flowing through her was indescribable. I'm going to see Pandora, it went through her mind and she couldn't help but smile happily.

Walking down the hallway, she was about to disappear into the teachers' lounge when she heard the quick footsteps of her students. ,,What did they want from you?" asked James, a young boy standing excitedly with the others in front of them.

Her smile faded a little. ,,I'm going to Pandora," she said and was about to start explaining when she was almost knocked over by her students. The children hugged her warmly and she could hear the sounds of joy.

She was moved by the children's congratulations and cheers. ,,You are happy for me?" she asked, slightly surprised, and stood upright without being knocked down again. ,,Of course, you have told us so many times about Pandora", ,,You must send us photos and videos",,Yes, by all means, we want to see something too" came the explanations and she couldn't help but get a few tears of joy. ,,I will definitely do it, I promise" she said and promised to send a photo to each of them.

It touched her immensely that her students were so supportive. I have achieved something she thought hopefully and was grateful for the support of her students. But not only her students, but also the other teachers and her mother were happy for her.

Her mother even baked her a cake and they both celebrated a little together. But the later it got the more nervous she became and the doubts came. ,,What if I'm useless?" she revealed one of her worries to her mother as they sat at the table and ate dinner together.

Her mother's loving gaze did not reach her, but she felt her mother's hand on her. ,,My darling, you are not useless. You are an expert, my wonderful expert. You are the best researcher I know and that Doctor Augustine is lucky to have you," her mother cheered her up before she stood up and pulled her into a hug.

,,Remember, sweetheart, you don't have a weakness, you have a gift," she heard her mother say lovingly and felt the kiss on her head. ,,Thanks mom" she said and gave her a hug before they cleaned up and washed up together. ,,A gift," she thought, smiling slightly sadly. Blind.

She had been blind since her teenage years. She knew colors, how her environment looked, how most things looked. She saw things on her own things. The colors she saw replaced her vision and the images in her head were her own imagination. But Pandora.

Would be a completely different world in the true sense of the word. ,,I'm going to bed, have a good night" she heard her mother say through the small apartment. ,,All right, good night mom," she replied and waited until she heard the door close.

A sigh came over her lips as she moved towards the small shelf. ,,Hey Dad" she said and stroked the photo that was there. ,,I won't be around for a while...I'm on Pandora you know. They need me for their research. I don't know if I'll be back to be honest. Take care of mom until I get back" she told him everything and for a moment she hoped he heard her.

He just had to hear her. She stroked the picture one last time before disappearing into her own room. Undressing and slipping into her pajamas she lay down. The blanket was warm and seemed to wrap around her like a protective embrace. ,,It will be all right," she murmured before lying down on her side and closing her eyes.

But her night was not dark, it was full of dreams, dreams with colors, strange beings, stories. It was the time when she saw again, felt the world, it was her favorite time.

As if she could switch off from everything and finally see the real wonders again. The colors in her dreams changed to colorful plants, shining trees, many different animals like she had never seen before.

The forest around her seemed endless and yet was not threatening. The forest seemed to welcome her, to watch her. ,,Come to me, my child," she heard a voice she had never heard before. Her footsteps were cautious as she walked forward, the colors seemed to never stop, always reshaping themselves. It was unbelievable.

Suddenly, something like a giant tree appeared in front of her, but it seemed to be in motion. Its branches moved up and down as if it were really alive. She wanted to move forward, it seemed as if the voice would come from there.

Before she heard a screech in the sky. Looking up in confusion, she saw that the colors were broken by bright light and an eagle was circling in the sky. But before she could observe it further, the animal swooped down straight toward her. And with the stretching of his claws he collided with her.

Opening her eyes, she found herself back in reality. Her heart beat fast, her vision calmed down and was replaced by darker colors. Not as beautifully luminous as those in her dream. ,,What was that?" she murmured questioningly and ran her hand over her face.

But her eyes were still there. The eagle had not scratched them out. How could he? It wouldn't change her vision.

Sighing, she took the blanket off herself, got up and went into the bathroom to get ready. The cold water of the shower was pleasant on her warm heated skin. It not only cooled but also seemed to take away the pain. Since her blindness, her eyes sometimes hurt, but only after dreaming.

It seemed as if her dream vision was straining her nerves too much and resisting it. It will be alright she thought as she tied the towel around herself and went back to her room to pack her things. ,,Y/n honey coffee?" she heard her mother ask at the entrance of her door before the click of the light switch sounded. ,,Coffee, and you know I don't need it," she replied, shaking her head at the lack of light from the lamp. She knew her room inside out.

Only the light made the colors seem a bit brighter which hardly changed anything. ,,I know but you like the bright things" her mother said lovingly before she started to make the coffee. Continuing to pack her things, she came out of the room dressed in her clothes a short time later.

The smell of the fresh coffee rose in her nose and she went into the kitchen. ,,Thank you" she said before taking the cup from her mother and leaning against the kitchen table. ,,How are you?" the older woman asked and took a sip of her drink as well. ,,Excited, I mean, this is the planet I always wanted to go to. It's what I studied for, but it's also scary...Pandora is dangerous," she admitted, feeling her mother's hand on her shoulder.

,,Earth is also dangerous and you have adapted. The school, the streets, our apartment. You know your way around better than anyone else. Your colors show you the way," she said, knowing how her daughter was adapting.

She learned her surroundings and remembered people. ,,I will always be with you...your father too" she reminded and the younger one heard the jingling of something metal. ,,Here, this belonged to your father," said the older one, putting the dog tag chain in her daughter's hand. ,,I can't accept this," she protested, wanting to give it back, but her mother shook her head. Instead, she put a hand on her daughter's cheek.

Tears had gathered in her mother's eyes even if she did not see them. ,, I and your father are so proud of you. Keep this close to you so we can be with you," she heard her mother's brittle voice before they hugged. ,,I promise I will," she heard back, just as touched, and she already missed the security she felt. After they both talked a little more they decided it was time. She could not be too late.

The cab they had ordered drove them to the drop-off point. It was an environment in which she was only rarely. Too many people, too loud and too confusing.

Because of the many boxes, containers and machines that were moving, she could not get a clear picture. ,,I love you and I'll take care of you," her mother said as they stood in front of the cab. The bag with her things hung over her shoulder.

The chain around her neck jingled lightly as she wrapped her mother in a final hug. ,,I will, as soon as I get there, I'll send you photos and videos, I promise," she replied, wrapping her mother in a final hug. She detached herself and unfolded her blind cane before heading for the transport vehicle.

She tried to get a picture of it, to figure it out. She dodged a machine coming toward her. She went around a crate and kept going, but at the latest when she heard a ,,Watch out!" she knew that she had almost run into something. ,,Sorry" she apologized and waited for an answer, but it didn't come.

Astonished, she turned around to find the noise. Rollers? she asked herself and tried to listen more carefully. ,,Hey, do you need help?" asked a friendly male voice. She was not quite clear as if he was below her. She looked down and carefully moved her cane forward. A wheelchair she recognized and decided to go the friendly way.

She held out her hand to him, which was accepted after a short hesitation. ,,Hi, I'm Y/n Wilder Biologist, I'm supposed to be on this transporter, you too?" she asked, smiling slightly at him.

He seemed slightly surprised by her question and cleared his throat. ,,Ehm I am Jake Sully was taken here because of my brother as a soldier as I see we are already two side groups" he tried to ease the mood a little. ,,Side groups?" she echoed and started to move again but heard him next to her.

,,Well, me in a wheelchair, you blind, that's a good team for application photos and the press," he joked, and she understood what he meant. ,,Then we are probably the cool special cases" she joked and they both smiled a little.

Together they got in and even though she didn't want to, she stuck with Jake. Better to have some eyes she thought to herself before they both stopped and waited for someone.

Since they both didn't know where exactly they were going. ,,Ah Miss Wilder how nice to see you here I see you already made friends.Sully your brother is waiting for you back there. For you, Miss, just go down the hall, I'll walk with you a bit" she heard the same voice of the man as yesterday.

His footsteps hadn't changed either, at least she could still make that out among all the noise. ,,Well then, Jake, I hope to see you again," she said and shook his hand in conclusion. ,,We have to fulfill the quotas," he called after her and she smiled. ,,What kind of quotas?" the soldier asked, but she waved him off. ,,You wouldn't understand a joke, so where is my capsule?" she asked and walked next to the man.

She knew that she could only reach Pandora in cyrosleep, but still. ,,Maybe I'm dreaming again" she thought when she arrived at the capsule. ,,Here's your stuff, you can give it to me, I'll stow it," he said and she suspected a slight smile on his face. ,,Thank you," she said curtly before putting her hand on the capsule.

It was cool, no wonder the metal and the special compunents were made for sleeping in space. ,,Miss would you please get ready" she heard a strange voice.

But a certain smell of disinfectant was in the air. A doctor or a nurse, she thought. ,,Sure," she said curtly and began with the preparations. Minutes later she was ready in the capsule, waiting to fall asleep and wake up on Pandora. She took a deep breath and surprisingly the capsule was comfortable.

It was quiet and the sounds of the crew's machines were barely audible. ,,Two more minutes," she heard the doctor say and tried to relax further. Her hand closed around the chain.

The metal was cool and yet reassuring. For a moment, she imagined her father. How he hugged her and saw her off with her mother. A beautiful thought.

Until it suddenly became cold. Colder than anything she had ever felt. I'm freezing alive, she thought, and even though the feeling was strange, she wasn't afraid. She would never see the end, only the surge of colors would show her the end. Taking a last breath she felt herself getting more and more tired.

Before she fell asleep surrounded not by darkness but by the same bright colors that greeted her. How long had she been lying there? How long had she been sleeping? Decades, days, minutes she did not know. But it didn't matter because she had her colors.

The colors of her dreams, the same forest. The same landscape was beautiful. She wandered through the forest, looked at the plants, saw the animals that passed her by.

Saw the bright blue sky, the clouds. ,,Pandora" came softly over her lips and she ran over a bright plant before it suddenly retracted and hid its blossom. She smiled and began to touch the other flowers and they all retracted.

She had touched the last one when a breeze passed through the forest. Blossoms and leaves were stirred up and danced around her. ,,My child, come here," she heard that voice again and looked around.

The giant tree had reappeared and was moving its branches. She walked towards it and tried to reach it. But no matter how fast she ran, the tree kept disappearing. It remained unreachable.

She suddenly heard another screech. Her gaze went to the sky where she saw the eagle again. Knowing what would happen, she hid under the large leaves of a plant.

But the eagle did not come, she heard neither the screeching nor the fluttering of its wings. She winced as she suddenly heard a crackling sound coming from behind her in the forest. Not daring to turn around, she tried to remain calm.

If she didn't move, whatever it was might stay away. Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder, whirling around to ward off something if possible, but she only met darkness.

Darkness that tore the ground from under her feet and made her fall. Before she suddenly opened her eyes and woke up. ,,Good morning sunshine" she heard the doctor's muffled voice before she ran her hands over her face.

Slowly the sharpness returned to her vision and the colors became clearer. I'm floating, she suddenly realized, lightly waving her arms. ,,Yup you are, well we all are to be exact" he said and she felt him pull her out of the capsule. She again rowed around a bit and felt helpless. Moving around in the spaceship with gravity was one thing.

However, without proper support it was quite another. ,,Don't worry, it won't take long to get your things and your cane, just try to navigate a little" he said carefully before she got the things in her hand. ,,All right, I can do that" she tried to encourage herself and pulled the bag over her shoulders before unfolding her staff and trying to float along something.

Despite her uncertainty, the feeling of weightlessness was a fun thing. She didn't know exactly where she was floating.

A few people avoided her, but once she caught someone with her staff. ,,So we meet again," she suddenly heard Sully's voice, who seemed to be floating around. ,,How nice that you made it. Do you know how long this will take?" she asked and continued to hold on to the metal.

,,I don't know, but I think we're about to be passed on," he said and she thought she could hear a certain sadness in his voice. ,,Is there a window around here if so could you describe Pandora to me?" she asked after a few moments of silence.

Jake seemed to look around for a moment. ,,Yeah, wait, come with me," he said, taking her by the arm and they both floated through the ship. ,,Here" he said and put his and her hand on the cold window. ,,It looks like the Earth, only less broken, more like the Earth in its prime," he described and she nodded. ,,A beautiful image," she murmured, but got no response from Jake.

The two stayed together, talking for a while. She learned about his brother's death, offered to come and they talked about their relationship.

Jake had truly become a good friend despite the fact that she had known him for so little time. She already called him that and the soldier seemed happy to have someone.

Before the two of them went to the shuttles where they sat down next to each other. Her ears were ringing from the engines, the talk of the soldiers and the commanding troop leader who was giving her an earache.

It took a few minutes for the shuttle to break through the atmosphere and begin its approach to Pandora. There were no windows in the room where they saw, which is why their colors were faded and dark. Having the mask on her face was strange.

A new feeling not necessarily oppressive but rather unfamiliar and yet she would also get used to it. ,,All right ladies I want you all to go out now and remember without the mask the planet will kill you if I don't" he shouted and the soldiers stood up.

She too unfolded her staff and waited for Jake to get into his chair. ,,Well, let's go," he said, and she nodded in agreement before they both walked down the ramp and set foot on Pandora's stone floor for the first time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist : @mooniequeen , @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed

[coruscantiscribbler]

My brain seems to have switched to creative overdrive…or I have gotten extremely inquisitive 🧐

This is a fair warning to my Artists, Authors, and all -around interesting people (because anyone who is not me is interesting) of Tumblr that The Asker’s Studio™️ is in session!

When last we met, I had intended to ask this set of questions, but the fates (and my keyboard) would NOT have it. We jumped tracks and went to Yularen, instead. (Not a bad thing ❤️)

While watching the new Andor series, I could not help but to think of you, and your fic, We Regret.

For those of you unfamiliar with this fabulous, Rebels (say what you will, that show brought us 6 more Thrawn books) based fic, it has all of our favourites: Kallus, Thrawn, Eli, Yularen, Pryce, Andor, and a host of interesting Original Characters.

A brief overview:

Follows Kallus as the very foundations of his life, and his most precious relationships are twisted and poisoned by his continued loyalty to the Empire. He finds it more and more difficult to silence the still small voice that wants him to question, to doubt but to go from blind loyalty to betrayal is a journey that is neither easy nor quick.

As anyone who is familiar with Rebels knows, Kallus eventually defects from the Empire and joins the Rebellion.

While the series did not include the character of Cassian Andor, you have done us all a favour and corrected this wrong. Andor plays his own pivotal role in your fic.

The questions that were pummeling me as I was watching the series were fast and furious, so I will try to keep it to a low roar. However, as I always remind my guests: you have carte blanche to answer, deviate, expand…or go in a completely different direction from my presentation. All I ask is that you talk, and talk a lot.

The first group of queries concerns, Andor, himself.

When you started the series, was there any urge to edit, expand, or depart from how you presented Andor thus far?

Was there anything about the series/character presentation that you would have changed?

The second set of questions involves your fic as a whole

Was there any desire to change how you were going to present the Rebellion & Kallus’s experiences after viewing the series?

Finally, I am curious how set is the arc of We Regret, are you certain of how it ends and the journey in-between here to there (end)?

I ask this last question, because I have always wondered if authors wake up one morning and totally trash the outline, jump rails, and end up in a completely different place!

Once again, it is my honor and pleasure to take up some of your precious time. Thank you, kindly.

I love your Asks, they are always so insightful and force me to (try) and be equally insightful.

I'm going to start with the last question first. No, I never trash the outline and go haring off in a completely different direction. For me the value of outlining or "breaking a story" as is said in Hollywood, is that I have explored all the dead ends, or seemingly attractive paths that only lead you into a swamp well before I actually start writing. And I plot backwards. I know the end of a story or novel or script before I ever start writing. If I know where I'm going it's very easy to figure out the scenes that I need to get there.

I know exactly how I will end this story, several years after the restoration of the Republic, and I will give away this much -- it won't be on Lira San. As I've indicated elsewhere I could never buy the happily-ever-after ending for a man with this much blood on his hands.

Andor has had a profound impact on me, but only in so far as how it bolstered by own views about the Empire. I have always seen the rebellion as having a dark underbelly because you don't overthrow a government without making some ugly compromises with decency and morality, and Andor does not shy away from that. Neither did Rogue One. One of the first moments in which we see with Andor is him coldly killing an informant to keep him from falling into the hands of the Empire.

I'M GOING TO THROW OUT A FEW SPOILER HERE. SO IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ANDOR STOP READING NOW.

The two rebel leaders we see in ANDOR are Mon Mothma and Luthen and they both make some truly ugly decisions in support of the rebellion. Mon Mothma basically sells her teenage daughter to a crime boss so she can keep financing the rebellion. And Luthen in an act of cold calculation doesn't warn a fledgling rebel cell that the Empire is waiting for them because it would compromise his informant inside the ISB. Ugly choices forced on these individuals by the dark times in which they live. Of course the crimes and brutality of the Empire are far worse than the morally grey choices made by the rebels, but none of these people are saints.

I'm going to try to keep that balancing of the light and dark now that Kallus is in the rebellion. Draven is a hard man. He expects his agents to be hard as well, to know they must bury their morals because everyone on all sides thinks they are fighting for the greater good.

YOU CAN START READING AGAIN.

I knew before I ever started typing that it would be Andor who recruits Kallus into becoming a Fulcrum agent. But I didn't want it to be a straight line from crashing with Zeb on the ice moon, asking a few questions and then ringing up the rebellion to ask if he could help. A man as dedicated and loyal as Kallus wasn't just going to throw aside his life and beliefs that easily, so I took him to rock bottom, and had it be a single, simple event, the death of a single young pilot trainee, that was finally too much. The proverbial pebble that starts the avalanche.

I wouldn't change a thing about Andor. I think Gilroy did an absolutely stunning job with the character's development. We first see him as a small time crook, a man with no direction and no purpose. A string of petty crimes, mooching off his friends, sleeping with a variety of woman, committed to nothing. Then slowly, slowly he starts to discover outrage and finally his purpose. It's how I wanted to move Kallus from loyal Imperial officer to rebel spy.

The other point where I found support from Andor was the presentation of family. Throughout the movies the rebels all seemed to have either real or found families, but the Imperials were presented as just two dimensional bad guys. And the treatment of the stormtroopers always offended me. Who were these men and women in the white armor? Wouldn't they have had mother's fathers, siblings, wives, husbands and children? Someone would mourn their passing.

Andor showed us people on both sides of this conflict with families. There is the commandant of the garrison on Aldhani with his wife and teenage son. There is the lieutenant who turns traitor because of a woman. There is Syril and his domineering mother. Mon Mothma has a husband and a sulky teenage daughter. There is the ISB informant who wants out because of his new born child. And of course there is Maarva who saved and raised a child, and whether Cassian knew it or not instilled in him a thirst for justice.

[lucascecil]

Something I read - War of the Daleks

This is going to be a bit different from the previous posts as 1. I haven't tweeted as I read as I did with The Bodysnatchers annd Genocide, so it's not something I have already written neither real time comments and 2. I have finished reading Alien Bodies already minutes before starting this "review". So let's do it.

I was positively surprised while reading because I heard so many bad things of War of the Daleks that I expected the worse. This book is not at all perfect, I don't know if I wouldn't even call it good really, but I had a decent time with it.

I want to talk about Sam first, because she is one of the downsides of this book. There is barely anything nice or cool or whatever told to us about her, instead she spends most of the pages being jealous as fuck of any woman she meets, focusing on her crush on the Doctor (which I don't like at all) and being a (not in a good way) weirdo.

At some point I was so irritated with Sam that I started saving the bits where she being jealous got in my nerves. I didn't do it for the whole book and still I got like 15 bookmarks. My favorite because of how fucking stupid it's is this one:

Three troopers, all male, entered the room. Like Ayaka, they seemed to be physically perfect. They were all blond and blue-eyed, like Hitler’s dream of an Aryan super-race. But these were real, not an ideal. And they all had weapons held ready.

Sam is not completely void of interesting traits in this book. She has been trying to map out the TARDIS but it seems an impossible task. The Daleks scare the Doctor, and anything that scares the Doctor scares her. She is not going to die screaming. There is a nice scene where she briefly takes control of the situation that shows she is coming around since she joined the TARDIS. Sam has become familiar with almost all kind of jails. But it's just not enough. For the most part Sam is a pricky teenager, annoying as hell, a huge hypocrite and all around not a nice person. She tries to tell the Doctor that they need to get the fuck out of this situation, which would be smart for most stories but this time it sounds mean spirited as if she is trying to get him away from other female characters. To prove my point:

The thought of the Doctor and Chayn together for a couple of hours, repairing stuff and getting friendly, was not particularly appealing. ‘Doctor,’ hissed Sam, ‘this isn’t our problem. A quick cup of tea, and goodbye, remember?’

And she is like that the whole book. I guess the author was trying to get Sam to be a flawed character but honestly it's just sound what it is: an adult man trying to write a teenager girl no matter he has no ideia how to do so. It's not the first book Sam is depicted as insecure, but when you compare how she is written here to, let's say, Vampire Science - it's ridiculous.

I want to comment on that Hitler paragraph because I saw it coming. In the start of the book it's mentioned and highlighted how "perfect" the Thals physically are, how they are the perfect human being while the text describes the whitest people ever and I was like - I know what you are trying to insinuate but you won't dare to say it like that. Then it did, and it's so absurd I can only laugh.

I get where I came from, okay? The Daleks are a nazi/facism metaphor and therefore the author is trying to set the Thals as an equivalent of the "ideal" germans that the nazi screwed over but it's so insensitive and so bad thought out I'm apalled. I just can't believe that was published.

But let's move on to another topic. I don't like the Thals. They do nothing for me in most stories they are a part of and honestly even in the ones were they are significative I never felt it obligatory needed to be an alien race that shared their planet with the Daleks. The Daleks work better as a concept isolated from them. They are fine, here. The writer tries to do something out of them - there a lot of scenes that are written to question their morality and ask if they are really any better than the Daleks. For example, when they wipe out a native population of a planet they were fighting on without remorse because they would be dead anyway - but at least they would die taking some Daleks with them:

‘Haven’t you looked behind us?’ she demanded. ‘There’s a native village there. And they don’t have hardened armour.’ ‘Then they’ll die,’ Delani said, unconcerned. ‘If the Daleks get past us, they’ll die anyway. This way will be quicker and a hell of a lot less painful for them. And it’ll give us a chance to live. Maybe you can avenge them.’ Ayaka didn’t know what to say. To deliberately order a strike that would kill civilian targets… She couldn’t think straight. All she could do was fire at the oncoming Daleks, blanking out her mind.

There is even one scene Eight tells a Thal general that the man had already become a Dalek himself.

Ayaka is perhaps the most interesting character in this book as she is the Thal who is there to question her own place in the military and ask if they are right and eventually reach the conclusion that the Thals themselves are becoming monters as she faces morally corrupt oficials and then ends the book promising to fight for a better world. It's nothing stellar and Doctor Who did it a million times before, but it's consistent.

Every Thal soldier must have one child before joining the fight. Probably with a partner they never met before and will not meet again. The mothers depart from their children as soon as they can - and the thought that they are fighting for their future have to be enough. Ayaka fights for her little girl.

One of my favorites scenes from the book is when Chayn, the only truly relevant character from the Quetzel, talks to Ayaka about it:

Chayn cut across her, her voice bleak. ‘My father was a soldier,’ she said. ‘He fought the Daleks, along with other races. He hired himself out to kill for money. I only saw him three times in my life. The last time, he was in a medlab, strapped to a bed, dying. His body had been shattered, but he wanted to tell me that he loved me before he died.’ Her voice became very quiet. ‘He did. And I couldn’t believe him. If he’d loved me, he’d have been with me, raising me.’ She glared at Ayaka. ‘I hate war, not because of what it does to my enemies, but because of what it does to those I love. It took my father away from me and killed him. But before it did that, it made him forget about everything that was important – really important – in life. He told me that he loved me, but by then he’d forgotten what love is.’ She swallowed. ‘I’ve heard it said that the first casualty of war is the truth. That’s not so. The first casualty in war is love.’ She looked into Ayaka’s eyes. ‘Perhaps your child will be able to forgive you for not being there for her. Perhaps she’ll even grow up thinking you’re some kind of a hero. She may even be right. But that doesn’t matter. Because war has already killed everything important inside of you. You’ve lost your love.’ She paused, waiting for that to sink in. Ayaka said nothing. ‘Your little girl isn’t a real person, with needs and hopes and fears. She’s simply a symbol of what you’re fighting for now, a sacrifice you’ve made. A part of you you’ve chopped off. Like your conscience. You know what Delani did was wrong, and yet you said nothing.’

There are some nice descriptions of Eight that I like, for example:

[...] Despite the dab of dirt on his nose, he still looked like some disenfranchised nineteenth-century poet – a naive soul out loose in the cold hard world, and struggling to make some sense out of it. His fine features, curled hair, and turn-of-the-century costume all contributed to the feeling, but it was the Doctor’s mannerisms themselves that made you realise there was a poetic heart – hearts! – and soul within the sensitive, attractive frame.

He says for him it's hard to recall some info after two or three regenerations. He tries to protect Sam when they first encounter a (dead) Dalek even though it would be an useless act. He mocks when they are found in the Quetzel that it's that time of the day when they are accused of commiting a crime and get in "jail" - it doesn't happen this time tho, for a change. If he sabotaged the ship, he would have done it more elegantly.

And, more interesting, the idea that it was his intereference over Thal story that made them into warriors, into the monsters he met, terrifies him. He is forced to face sins of the past even if the book doesn't use this idea to the fullest. It happens a second time, when Seven (not) destroying Skaro becomes a problem.

‘No,’ Ayaka answered. ‘But we are what we must be. And what we are, you created.’ ‘I?’ The Doctor frowned. ‘You were the one who taught us to fight, Doctor,’ Ayaka informed him. ‘What we have become is what you helped to make. If you dislike what you see, you have only yourself to blame.’

And:

‘The Daleks were coming back to life,’ he explained. ‘The Thals were simple farmers, looking for fresh sources of food. They had low levels of technology. The Daleks wanted to murder them, and they had stolen a vital piece of the TARDIS from me. I needed to get it back, but I couldn’t manage it alone. So I had to persuade the Thals to help me. I forced them to fight. I made them stop being pacifists.’ He thumped his chest bitterly. ‘I’m responsible for what they’ve now become. I’m responsible for Balatan’s death.’

There is also this moment when Davros says the Daleks were built without weaknesses, but the Doctor disagrees: without strenghts, without a future, without a hope. While I strongly dislike Sam characterisation in this book, Eighth was alright. Nice, even.

The actual Dalek plot is decent. It's an excuse in form of a book to retcon Remembrance, but while it could've been better I can also think of a lot ot ways I could have been worse. I even like the Dalek Emperor in this story as we actually see him making strategies. Even Davros going to trial so he can lure out non loyal Daleks and using the Doctor as a plan b if it goes wrong is nicely thought out. It works. Dalek Prime is even the only character besides Eight that don't understimates Davros even though he despises him. I am a bit tired of "Dalek factions fighting" stories but this one is good in that aspect.

Skaro is the Dalek word for home, which I didn't know. There is a page or two dedicated to explain what the different colors in the Daleks cases mean and it was nice because while I wondered about it before I never researched what they meant. There is also this cool chapter where this random character goes to a Dalek base to it can sabotage it and then he fights this huge marine monster native to Skato that's pretty cool.

He realised he was wrong. This was no creature native to Antalin. It was wide, about six feet across, and two thick at the centre. It swam by undulating its entire body, like a ray. Twin stalked eyes stared at him, malicious intelligence evident. A Slyther… This was a creature from the Daleks’ home world. They must have released one to patrol the sea about the platform. It would envelope its prey like a jellyfish, grabbing hold and then absorbing it through its membranes. It could pump stomach acids from the underside of its body to weaken its prey and partially digest it. Those acids would be able to penetrate his suit if it enveloped him.

There is also a bit that caught my attention: if I understood it right, the Second Doctor fought (in Power of the Daleks) the Dalek factory that Eight sent through the time vortex at the end? It didn't get on my nerves like the retcon fest of The Eight Doctors, I just thought it was random.

There is also a phrase when Sam reflects that she may be a bit desinsitize by death now which stuck for me because I have a lot to say about how that's a recurring theme for audio Eight and it was nice to see it here so I can fit it all in while talking about that topic.

So yep, the weakest book so far apart from The Eight Doctors but I was surprised that for the most part it was a decent read. ★★☆☆☆

[jenuinejournal]

🎇✨Day 27/31-Day Journal Entry Challenge✨🎇

Hello, hello!

We are starting the #promptoftheday with Day 27 of our 31-Day Journal Entry Challenge!

**On our social media pages, we are posting the prompt of the day to remind everyone which day we’re on 😄 To download the 31-Day Journal Entry Challenge Calendar, you can subscribe to our Weekly Journal Prompt Newsletter. In the Welcome Message, you’ll have access to the file!**

🤍🤍🤍

Day 27 asks us to write about: “How do I usually feel when in an argument?”

We can reflect on today’s prompt by looking back on Day 18 and Day 19’s prompts. Both of these prompts had a similar question about our reactions when something negative is happening.

How do you usually feel when in an argument? For some people, being in arguments or other verbal altercations can make them very anxious.

You may feel uneasy in your chest or in your stomach areas, and it’s all nerves.

Other people get really excited, they get adrenaline rushes and they don’t stop themselves as easily.

You could say that either of these examples may occur on different sides of the argument, or neither of these examples could fit for you, that’s okay, too. This is your personal experience!

When you’re in an argument, do you get sad or emotional quickly? Do you sometimes cry trying to defend yourself or to speak your side? Are you often intimidated into remaining silent?

However you notice you react, just bare in mind that this prompt isn’t intended to change your responses, just to get you to acknowledge them.♡

✨✨✨

Thank you for journaling with us & joining this #JournalChallenge and our #journalcommunity 🤗

If you’d like to download the full 31-Day Journal Entry Challenge, you can do so by subscribing to our Weekly Journal Prompt Newsletter!

Subscribe here

In the Welcome Message, you’ll gain access to the PDF file & also, have access to weekly journal prompts delivered to your email 🥰

Thank you again for joining, sharing, participating, and being part of the journaling club & our challenge!

You are what makes the club, a club🤍

#journaling #JenuineJournalingChallenge #Writing #writingchallenge #writingcommunity #journalclub #journalcommunity #selfcare #selflove #selfacceptance #selfworth #healingjourney #shadowwork #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #quietquitting #quiet #books

[hellfiremunsonn]

Just Let Me Hold You A Little Longer. Joesph Quinn x Reader

Just Let Me Hold You A Little Longer.

Summary: You’re another new addition to the stranger things cast for season four and are about to shoot Eddies death scene. Emotions are high and Joe helps bring you back to earth. 

(This fic has no smut. Younger audiences are able to read this without any explicit content. but I will still be marking and labeling my writing as 18+)

18 + IF YOU ARE NOT 18 OR OLDER DO NOT READ OR INTERACT WITH MY WRITING. IT IS NOT INTENDED FOR MINORS. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MEDIA YOU CONSUME.

Warnings: none? fem reader! mentions of blood but it’s all fake. Joe being cute, lots of fluff honestly.

Word count: 2822

I bounced my leg up and down waiting for someone to come get me from my trailer so we could start the scene we were about to film. It was eddies death scene and I was super emotional about it. Falling in love with his character, just from reading the words on paper, but it was nothing compared to how well Joseph curated his character in real life. My character June was the love interest for Eddie. She was different from him, but still just as much as an outcast. Shy and sensitive, in love with her books, and her own fantasy worlds she could engulf herself in. The two characters first interaction is when she drops her copy of the lord of the rings, and Eddie picks it up but before handing it back he quotes something from it to her, which she quickly quotes back. Being the only female from the school to join hellfire, the two of them hit it off romantically quite quickly.

Being a new character so late in the show, Joe, Jamie, and I often stuck together; especially in the beginning before truly getting to know everyone. So not only did our characters have such a strong bond, we did too. A small knock on my door before it opened "It's time" a female voice came through the open door and I took a deep breath before getting up while wrapping the straps of my mask around my ears and following her to set. Knowing I was about to hold Eddie in my arms with Gaten until he died made my stomach churn as if this was all real. As if the large amount of green screens behind me, and the taped x's marked on the floor weren't there, and we really were in some corrupted version of a small town called Hawkins, settled in Indiana.

Standing next to Gaten I hopped up and down a few times, shaking my hands hoping the nerves would slip out of the tips of my fingers with the movements. But it never did.

"You ready kid?" I whispered to him.

"Ready as I can be" He said smiling back.

We ran on the spot for a moment, laughing at how ridiculous we looked. We were covered in fake dirt and our makeshift amor, while trying to get our breath uneasy so when we made it to Joe we would be more properly out of breath. We gave each other a quick high five and got ready at our marked spots, removing our masks and handing them to whoever was closet to us.

The loud call of action along with the snapping sound of the clapperboard echoed through the lot as Gaten and I ran towards Joes laying frame in the middle.

"Eddie!" I yelled in character, falling to my knees next to him, trying to pull him into my lap as best as I could.

He coughed and the fake blood sputtered out of his mouth slightly. "Oh God" Gaten said coming to his knees next to me.

"Bad, huh?" Joe said forcing a pained smile.

"No, you're gunna be fine" I said cradling his head in my hands, my thumb stroking his cheek, practised tears rolling down my eyes and into the frizzy hair of his wig. "We just gotta get you to a hospital okay?" I said looking back up at Gaten. At this point our characters know he's not going to make it, but the delusion, and selfishness to ignore the actual outcome wouldn't allow them to say anything pessimistic.

"Okay" He muttered. Gaten and I attempted to lift him but neither of us were strong enough to get him up further than a sitting position.

"Shit" I said wiping my tears away with the back of my hand. I looked at Gaten in desperation, as if his character Dustin had the solution. My chest tight and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Gatens own eyes filled with tears. Joes struggling voice bringing both our attention back down to his face. "I didn't run away this time right?" he asked with another forced smile across his lips, fake blood dripping down the side of his mouth. I choked on a sob, and at this point I couldn't tell if it was my own or my characters feelings that were bubbling up in my chest.

"No, no, you didn't run" Gaten said grabbing onto one of his hands.

"You're gunna have to look after those little sheep for me, okay?"

"No, you're gunna do that yourself" Gaten said, tears now rolling down his cheeks. I forced another choked sob down in attempts to keep myself more composed than I felt.

"Nah man... Say it, say 'I'm gunna look after them'" Joe encouraged.

"I'm gunna... I'm gunna look after them" Gatens last few words almost inaudible.

"Good, cause I'm actually g-gunna graduate" Joe began struggling to get more words out, his character basically bleeding to death beneath us. "I think it's my year Henderson" He repeated his own words from the beginning of the season when we're first introduced to Eddie in the cafeteria. "I think it's finally my year"

Another sob escaped me and Joes eyes flickered to mine for only a moment. He looked back at Gaten. "I love you man" he said. Gaten struggled to even look at Joe, turning slightly, his fist tapping against my knee. "I love you to" and then Joe turned to me. "And I'm so in love with you" his shaky hand coming up to cup my face into it. I grabbed onto it tightly, my bottom lip quivering. "I'm in l-love" I hiccuped and stuttered through my sobs because looking at him, at Joe, I felt like I really did fall in love with him. "I'm in love with you to Eddie Munson" and as I placed an unscripted kiss to his forehead, a single tear ran down his face and into small hairs at his temple, his eyes glossed over as he looked through me. Eddie taking his final breaths in my arms. Gaten and I crying, our heads down, shoulders bobbing with light chokes until the lights came up and someone yelled "Cut!" a thunderous applause of everyone watching behind the camera, erupting around us.

Joe immeditly sat up, bringing both Gaten and I into a tight hug. The three of us staying there for a long while. Staff starting to move quietly around us, tidying, while letting us get our emotions back together. Gaten was the first to pull away with a small laugh. I let out a shaky breath and smiled, laughing along with him.

"Fuck that was brutal" Joe said spitting out some of the fake blood that was still in his mouth. His voice back to his British accent.

"I think I need a therapy session after that one" I admitted. I forced a smile, my emotions still not fully settled, something in me didn't feel right yet. "You both did fucking amazing, I mean you both always do, but this was just, fuck" I said shaking my head at a loss for words.

"So did you" Gaten said reaching his hand out towards me to help me back up. A little wobbly on my legs from kneeling on them for so long. I could feel the pins and needles radiating in them. "The forehead kiss was cute, I think the fans are gunna eat that shit up" He said.

"Just felt right you know?" I said shrugging. I clapped my hands together. "Alright, time to get this fucking wig off my head before I rip it off with my own hands"

"I'll walk with you" Joe said.

"Sounds good" I replied. "Gaten, I love you, I'll see you tomorrow yeah?"

"Yes ma'am" He smiled, and we did our signature handshake we came up with. Gaten and Joe shared a hug and a few words before Joe and I began our walk to the hair and makeup trailer.

The walk was quiet for most of it. Just the sound of our shoes against the pavement. I took a deep breath, still trying to calm myself down.

"You alright?" Joe asked bumping his shoulder into mine.

"I don't know actually" I said honestly, glancing at him slightly. "I still like" I looked into my hands trying to find the words. "I still feel it?" I said, but it came out more like a question. Joe nodded.

"This is your first big acting thing right?"

"First acting thing ever" I corrected.

"Fuck, and you got Stranger Things?" he chuckled. "That's actually pretty impressive"

"Thank you? I think?" we shared a laugh before reaching the trailer. Joe opened the door letting me go in first and I skipped up the stairs quickly and plopped myself down into one of the chairs. Sarah quickly getting to work on Joe and Tara starting on me. "Heard you did amazing out there" Tara said while removing bobby pins, tap, glue, anything that kept that bright red wig stuck to me. "It was very emotional" I said forcing a laugh. I saw Joe look at me for a moment, out of the corner of my eye. I didn't turn to him, feeling slightly embarrassed. I didn't want to think about the fact that I might truly be in love with him. Someone I knew well, but not well enough. My first acting job ever, and I'm already crushing on a costar. I didn't want people to think I was 'that girl' but Joe made it almost impossible. He was so smart, and caring, quick witted, and just so lovely overall.

Pretending to be more focused on my phone than I really was, I scrolled through twitter, reading what some of the fans had been saying about the show so far. It was fun reading all their theories, knowing they had absolutely not a single clue about what was going to happen. Putting my phone back down on the table in front of me I stared at myself in the mirror as Tara peeled the wig off of me, and then the tight mesh cap that kept my hair smooth and in place underneath everything. I almost had to stifle a moan from how it good to have it off my head. A handful of another round of bobby pins later my hair was free. Tara fluffed it lightly, giving my scalp a light scratch and my head dropped forward as I reviled in the feeling. I swear I almost drooled onto myself after lifting my head back up once she stopped. She laughed at my slightly blissed out expression. "Thank you" I said smiling at her, reaching behind me in a stretch but also to hug her slightly without leaving the chair. "Makeup wipes are here as you know, and then baby wipes just incase you want to clean yourself up a bit before going home if you're not going to shower here" "You're a life saver" I said to her smiling.

After she left, I just sat there for a moment thinking back on the performance I just gave. I hoped I did the character justice, and I hoped people would like my character as much as I did.

That tight feeling in my chest was still present, and I wasn't sure how I was going to get rid of it. I closed my eyes, and while focusing on my breathing I repeated the mantra 'In through the nose out through the mouth'. But it didn't help, in fact it felt like it made it worse, like I still wasn't getting enough air. I furrowed my brows looking at myself in the mirror again. I hadn't noticed the tears rolling down my cheeks, or when Joe whispered to Sarah asking if he and I could have a minute alone. Reaching for the armrest of my chair is spun me until I was facing him. His wig was now off and only Joes eyes looked back at me. Eyes that were filled with concern. "You're okay" He reassured and it broke the dam that was keeping those heavy emotions trapped behind it. His arms resting lightly on my shoulders he squeezed, pulling at me gently until his arms were wrapped around me. I clutched onto him, balling the hellfire shirt he still wore into my fists. Shoving my face into the crook of his neck and shoulder. I sobbed into him, loud, and wet cries, that most definitely were dampening his shirt that my face was pressed into.

"You're okay" He repeated, one hand smoothing up and down my back. After a few moments his hands slid down my back until they rested on my waist. "Hey look at me" He whispered. "I just- I can't yet, just let me hold you for a little bit longer" I said quietly, and he let me. After a few more minutes I hesitated before pulling back from him, still holding onto his shoulders tightly. A small smile spread across his face and with one hand he brushed away a few stray tears away with this thumb. "Wanna talk about it?"

I took a deep shaky breath. "It just felt... Real" I said searching his eyes before continuing. "And I know it wasn't, but I don't think my body caught up with that part, I think it truly felt heartbroken, and I really did love Eddie, even as me you know" I sniffled. "But knowing it was you, it felt like it was you, and I felt like I had lost you" I admitted, glancing down unable to look at him again. His hand still resting on my cheek he moved it until his pointer finger was under my chin, tilting my head up encouraging me to look at him.

"You didn't lose me alright? M'right here, and I'm not going anywhere"

I smiled, fresh tears welling up in my eyes.

"C'mon, no more tears" He said wiping them away before they could fall any further down my face. I smiled, laughing at his quick hands. Finally letting go of one his shoulders, I grabbed his hand and interlocked his fingers with mine. Bringing our hands up to my lips, and pressed a light kiss on the back of his hand. I blushed when I realized what I had just done, and tried to remove my hand from his but he held it tighter. "Do you think you'd date Eddie if he was real?" Joe asked abruptly.

"Uhh, I don't know, I think so? I liked that he was just truly himself all the time and didn't give a fuck about what people thought, something I wish I could have done when I was in high school, except I graduated on my first try" I teased. "Do you think you'd date June if she was real?" I said tilting my head. He leaned back a little and thought for a moment, his tongue coming out in a point over his top lip. "Yeah I think so, but only because she's so much like you already, and since I already like you, it makes sense"

I furrowed my brows. "Wait, what are you implying Joe?" I asked. Heart beating so rapidly in my chest I was sure he could hear it.

"Implying? I'm not implying anything, m'saying I like you" he shrugged, and he looked at me with a cocky smile.

"Like, you like me, like ‘hey there's (Y/N) I like that girl’ Or are you saying you like like me?"

"'Like like'? What are we twelve years old?" He laughed. "I like you (Y/N), as in I would like to ask you on a date, and maybe kiss you on the lips, as me Joe, not Eddie"

My breath hitched. "Unless you say like one more time though, then I might have to reconsider"

I laughed and pushed his shoulders. "I'd love to go on a date with you Joe" I said blushing and biting the inside of my cheek as I hesitated before asking. "Are you okay with us being costars? I just, I don't want people thinking anything bad of you"

"I don't really care what someone else thinks, not like I even look at my own social accounts anyway" he said smirking.

"As long as you're okay with it, I would really like to go on a date with you, I would have asked you sooner but I was too nervous" I said in a rush. "Um but Joe?"

"Yeah?"

"Do I have to wait for that kiss?" I asked coyly

"Nah, I wouldn't make you wait that long" he said leaning forward, my face in his hands, our foreheads touching. We were both still in costume. Covered in fake dirt, and blood, my hair was greasy, and I without a doubt smelt like sweat. But still, he pulled me to him closely our noses brushing lightly against one another, until his lips, very gently, pressed themselves into mine.