#which means tons of people have read them Karen

[minaaaawaaaa]

Reblog/comment with your favorite things in South Park *fanon media. Here's some of mine, pairing-related separated since some people don't really care for that, which is totally fine

Craig being partly Peruvian (derived from Pandemic I & II); either not Thomas's or Laura's biological son and half-siblings with Tricia. Also him just being tall asf; I think his dad is supposed to be taller than the average adult male character. Also Craig balding early in adulthood LOL

Plot twist villain Cartman in larger-scale-plot fics

Also, Cartman still earning God's wrath when he really, really deserves it

Kyle being the absolute fussiest little shit you've ever seen, at any age, for good reason usually. This is pretty canon, but still it's important to maintain

I think it's never directly put out there in canon besides Tweek's name being so terrible, but the Tweaks have definitely had Tweek and half the town on meth for years

Tweek being super artsy and those practices helping him relax; visual arts, music, sewing/crotchet, etc.

Clyde Donovan, the most sensitive crybaby football player of All Time

Quarterback Stan, regardless of high school/college/NFL level

It's so sad but longtime-alcoholic-since-10 Stan :( I still love him

Not sure when/where it became popular as it isn't too evident in canon, but the weird Craig and Kenny often being pothead frenemies thing? Idk when or why it started but it's pretty fun

Burnout yet extremely dependable Kenny working a ton in high school and often shooting for custody of his little sister Karen once of legal age. Also him being a scientific/mathematical genius but never applying it to prioritize Karen's comfort and safety instead. Also him being super clean given his family situation

Stan being the 5-in-1 body wash friend and Kyle being a major skin care girlie

When ppl draw them in the show's style and when they make them actually look like they're 9

Adaptation of the wackier canon events into a more realistic context like maintaining Butters's eye injury through other means, Kenny being gone for extended periods of time, Stan secretly taking in animals, still playing superheroes. I recently read an anger management counseling fic where Cartman bit off a guy's finger in an argument which I assumed was a Scott Tenorman Must Die reference

Pairing-related

Tweek being closer to the Tuckers than his own parents; his own house being tidier but the Tuckers' being much more of a home

Craig's been gay since 2007, Season 11 episode 8, "Le Petit Tourette." No straight reason for asking to do "the coolest kid in the world's" laundry. Has a type for twitchy dudes--Thomas from that same episode and then his relationship with Tweek

Cartman's demented-ass crush on Kyle; Kyman shipper or not, that kid's got bigass issues. I do not ship Kyman but Eric's got a fucked up little obsession with Kyle. Bro saved his family from deadly L.A. smug because he couldn't live happily without having Kyle there to constantly argue with

Stan being the one to be super down bad for Kyle yet also be the one with more issues in the relationship. I love Stan but dude has way too much of Randy in him, he's gotta be a pain in the ass

Only Kenny calling Butters "Leo," with most characters not recognizing his actual name being Leopold; being sort of popular as a secretive background relationship and Kenny being very protective

[ceterisparibus116]

Hey! As far as I understand, in the US you guys have to do an undergraduate degree before doing law school. Do you have any opinion on what Matt would’ve taken at undergrad?

Also I just want to say that I really love your writing and your posts are genuinely making me consider a career path that I’d never thought about before! I’d always sort of dismissed being a lawyer because I’m quite shy about public speaking, so I never really thought about how much I like the law in itself. It’s so interesting!

EEEEEEEEE this is exciting! The world needs more lawyers - especially more lawyers going into it for the right reasons. So many lawyers just care about the money or the power (or their parents' approval), which means there's a dire need for lawyers who want to help people.

And I just wanna say: law doesn't require public speaking. Criminal law kinda does (you're pretty much always showing up for hearings and trials in criminal law), but civil law...not so much. Civil law has some hearings and depositions, but very few civil cases go to trial. The vast majority of it is sitting at a desk, writing and researching. Although you do have to be able to meet with victims and witnesses, and that makes some people nervous. (That still makes me nervous, actually.) But it's not public speaking, I think?

You could also try to be a full-time law clerk. Most judges hire clerks for only a year or two, but some take on clerks permanently. As a clerk, your job is 100% research and writing and preparing documents. You get all the fun of making brilliant legal points, but you can make those points safely on paper without having to stand up and present them.

However, I also do believe that public speaking is a skill, not just some natural talent. So I think it's always possible to get better. Here are my two absolute favorite resources on public speaking:

This amazing youtube channel (which isn't specifically for public speaking, but does address public speaking sometimes, and has a ton of general tips for building confidence, overcoming nervousness, turning awkwardness into charisma, etc.); and

This lifesaving book (which is the best book I've read on public speaking, hands-down, and I highly recommend it even for people who aren't lawyers because although it's written for lawyers, the content is overall about how you approach public speaking [how to both feel and appear more confident, etc.] rather than the content of what you're saying. I literally love this book so much!)

Oh, you also asked about Matt. XD

My undergrad was political science, so I like the idea of Matt doing the same just because #relatable. But I don't actually think of him as a poli-sci guy. Like, Karen is the one who's more concerned with broad social structures. Matt seems more interested with figuring out what he's supposed to do than he is with figuring out what society is supposed to do. Matt seems to say: "The system is broken, but I can help as a lawyer, and where I can't help as a lawyer, I can help as a vigilante." He's not the one invested in uncovering corruption or dismantling oppressive systems.

I think of him as more like a history guy. Partly because of the Thurgood Marshall thing. But I imagine him digging into the history books, finding people who inspire him, and modeling his life after them (when he's not angsting about whether he could live up to them).

That said, I secretly ADORE the idea of Matt as a math major. My mock trial coach in high school tried to convince me to be a math major myself, and although I didn't go that route (I'm more like Karen; I wanted to research social and political issues), there's a lot of wisdom to it. Math is logic, after all. And it's pure logic.

If I say "a + b = c," there's no emotion there. But if I say something like "police + poverty = ____" ...y'all already are having an emotional reaction, right? And you're filling in the blank with something. You're likely filling the blanks in based on emotion and anecdotes, since I think most of us have a strong opinion about this, but most of us probably haven't done a deep statistical study into the issues.

As a lawyer, if you care about truth, it's absolutely vital to be able to use logic both to make your arguments and to figure out which arguments you should be making in the first place. We can't completely ditch our personal biases, but I do believe studying math helps work those parts of your brain that can analyze a problem with logic and without using emotion and anecdotes as a shortcut.

So yeah, I love the idea of Matt being good at math.

[amporella]

absolutely LOVED your style parenting headcanons (and literally everything you say) but i was Wondering if you had any parenting headcanon for k2???? or cryle. i'm an allkyle truther and generally, a lover of parent kyle in general and style, k2 and cryle are like . My otps so i was just wondering. i hope you have a good day!!!!!

AUGHH THANK YOU SO MUCH ANON!!! YOU'RE SO SWEET <3 and your ship taste is just out of this world good too. I actually have never thought about cryle parenting headcanons so this post is going to be exclusively k2, BUT rest assured they are On My Brain now and I will make a headcanon post for them one day!! In the meantime, here are K2 parenting headcanons:

I think Kenny would actually be fairly hesitant about having kids, at least initially? He's SO loyal and steadfast to the people he loves but he's simultaneously a little scared of that huge commitment and the responsibility that comes with it, especially after being more responsible than any child should have to be. I can also see him worrying about falling into the cycle that caused his parents to become the way they were.

Kyle is definitely the one who's most confident about wanting kids; he LOVES them and has always had the maternal urge like his mom. He understands and respects Kenny's hesitance, though, so they probably only have kids when they're in their 30s or later, when Kenny's had time to recover/heal and they're a lot more financially secure than Kenny used to be.

Kenny is the most devoted parent ever though when they finally have them. He obviously loves Karen more than anything as a kid, and that sense of protectiveness/devotion definitely carries over to his actual kids. He also absolutely SPOILS them once he has the means to, which Kyle disapproves of but knows better than to try and stop him.

Kenny is the best sport with dress up. He lets his kids paint his nails and shows them off to everyone even when they're absolutely terribly done. He also puts together a new Princess Kenny costume and is probably more into playing castle games than his kids are. He's ENDLESS entertainment and his kids love it.

He's also very good at doing hair from doing Karen's hair as a kid, so he helps with that. Kyle does need to step in if their kids end up with curly hair though, because he was NOT prepared for that. He's a very quick learner, though! He gets the hang of it.

I talked a lot about Kyle in my style parenting headcanons first, so I'm not going to say a ton about him because I think he'd be very similar to how he is as a parent with Stan. The main things about him as a parent are that he IS Sheila 2.0 in the sense of insane amounts of protectiveness.

HOWEVER one of the differences between style and k2 is that while Stan would try to calm Kyle down from going to the PTA meetings (and would be protective in different ways), Kenny would also show up. That scene where Kyle asks Kenny to tell Cartman to shut up and he immediately does it with vigor is very reminiscent of how they would be as parents imo. If Kyle does it, Kenny's all in.

Kenny breaks out the opera singing (or just the singing in general) for their kid, and he's surprisingly still good at it. Kyle's in charge of bedtime stories and reading in general, but Kenny's the one who does the crazy voices when it comes to dialogue.

Their kid would just be so cute, okay. They're both extremely cute and their kid is just a bastion of cuteness. And unexpected mischief, mostly from Kenny's side. Kenny worries a lot about their kid having some of his more difficult to handle traits as a kid (like his rampant 10 year old flirtiness) and Kyle has to reassure him that he also put a million good traits into the mix. They have the most hard working kid ever in the end, though. Both of them are just SO committed to what they do that they instill that value very strongly into their kids. Sometimes too strongly! They need to chill sometimes.

Overall they are just extremely good parents, and they function very well together!!

[leandra-kinard]

I would like to add something to the last bit, the need for a ship to become canon.

I think it's a perfectly reasonable wish that a queer ship becomes canon because straight ships become canon too. Not every ship you may want, but TV shows are full of those slow burn romances, the "will they, won't they?" scenarios between two characters. See Mulder and Scully, for example. It's a very common and highly popular trope that keeps viewers on the edge of their seats and engaged over seasons, because everybody wants those two people to get together eventually (everybody ships them, in a "rooting for" meaning of the word). And the same applies to same-sex couples. Just that it's so far unheard of to ever be fulfilled.

People want representation, and have been getting more and more of it in recent years, but they do not simply want any kind of queer characters and relationships, they want the same treatment as straight characters and relationships would get, the same diversity of stories and concepts.

There are also many examples where the basis for a shift to a romantic relationship between two male or two female characters was there. (I am thinking first and foremost of Destiel, which sort of halfway did go canon but also not really because it could still be read as a platonic love confession by people with heteronormativity goggles.)

Buddie was one of those examples. The breadcrumbs were there (and it actually pisses me off a little when some Bucktommy shippers who only joined the fandom because of Bucktommy deny this). There were many moments and interactions between Buck and Eddie in the past seasons that were layered with subtext and with a valid, credible potential to read more than just friendship into it - not just some shipper goggle head canons, but genuinely valid interpretations. There were moments that were similar to those between straight characters who later got together. There were prominent tropes and framings often used (and more often so) for romantic purposes. Those things were there.

(Personally, I believe as a sort of 'backdoor' IF they ever could and would decide to make Buddie canon; there needed to be a few of those breadcrumbs that would make it credible in hindsight, which from a writer's perspective makes sense: you don't know if you're ever going there, but you might, and if you do, you need there to be a basis for it).

MOST of all, 9-1-1 was a show that already proved it knew how to handle queer characters. There are Hen and Karen, and there's Tarlos on the spin off; there were tons of side characters or guest characters that were/are queer. If any show was ever to give the fandom a slow burn queer romance, it could be 9-1-1, and it could be Buddie.

So with all those - entirely not unreasonable - hopes and expectations present in the Buddie shipper portion of the fandom, it is of course a somewhat difficult situation to see one half of that ship be confirmed as queer, but then get together with someone else. I can empathize with that.

Personally, while all of the above applied to me, and while I, too, thought at the beginning that this was somehow a catalyst for Buddie to become canon (in the euphoria of "OMG Buck is actually bi??? This is canon??!!"), I realized that Bucktommy may not have been what I wanted all these years, but it's what I needed.

To me, this budding relationship is beautiful; it has a rich potential for so much to explore; it seems mature - not just regarding the emotional maturity in how these two characters communicate and approach each other, but also storytelling wise. It's easy, too. It's not some big dramatic and difficult realization (which it would have been for Eddie, most likely. Look at all his baggage!) but something that Buck slips into, like finding a particularly well-tailored glove all of the sudden.

It wasn't what I envisioned, but it turned out to be better, for me personally. And in regards of Buck and Eddie, I kinda do love the fact that they can still be close friends who love each other beyond what regular friends usually feel for each other, but it's only platonic. Ryan had a point there when he said that it's important to show that a straight and a queer man can still have such a close (and very tactile) friendship without the revelation that one of them is queer changing anything between them. That's also important representation!

That maturity may very well be the crux of the matter. Younger people tend to lean more towards drama, towards angst, and big soul-crushing emotions (and in fic I enjoy that too, to an extent). Older people with more life experience (and often enough drama in their own lives, lol), tend to prefer something that's comfortable, that feels good and right because it's so mature and easy. So maybe that's part of why there is such a rift between some Buddie shippers and others who were content to embrace this new canon relationship.

(While that's a rather charitable reading of the emotional reactions by some of those shippers, I still have very little patience for people who use their frustration to rain on everybody else's parade and display genuine toxicity towards other fans, and most of all to the actors!)

To circle back to the anon's question, I, too, don't think this is unique or new. But I think that from all the shows that had seemingly straight characters who got shipped by fandom, 9-1-1 had the biggest and most realistic potential here. As we saw, the potential was fulfilled for one half of the ship. We weren't wrong to read Buck as bi. And precisely that established fact is reason why some people find it so hard to separate canon and fanon this time around, I believe.

I'm asking this to you because you're the only person I know who's been around fandoms for so long — do you find this shipping-situation weird? I've been in many fandoms but I've never really seen this insistence on there being only one acceptable ship for a character and encouraging the idea that anything other than the norm is almost sacrilegious. Almost every big fandom over the years have had multiple conflicting pairings, take for example, Marvel. Even works of media that have a canon romantic pairing have had fans who ship others with the leads (that was what shipping was tbh) and no one has ever shown up to their doorsteps with pitchforks in hand, at least not that I'm aware of. So I guess I'd really like your opinion on why you think this is happening now? Have things always been this way, just not in plain sight? Is this just the new fandom culture that is developing now with the influx of younger people? Or is this fandom an aberration where a group of people are so used to being the majority that they simply aren't taking well to things not going their way?

I've been thinking about this today, and I'm still not sure what I think.

I've been in fandoms with a hugely dominant ship before. I've been in fandoms that had ship wars. I've been in fandoms with a lot of peacefully co-existing ships. I'm not sure this fandom is really all that different. To answer your first question, no, I don't find it all that weird. In fact I sort of expected it.

Let me tell you a story about the Brokeback Mountain fandom, which managed to have a ship war despite having really only one ship, the canon ship. So BBM fic fell into several broad categories, the biggest of which were fix-the-ending/canon divergence fics and the straight-up AU fics (I wrote one of each, lol). Post-canon fics weren't as common, because you had to deal with one half of the canon pairing being...well, dead.

There was a post-canon fic that gained a lot of fans...and when I say "fic" that's really an understatement. It was a SAGA, and I don't use that term lightly. It was a series of like...6 or 7 epic 100K+ word fics and it was over a million words total. The author would put out more than one 5K chapters per DAY. I'm still in awe of this woman's output. But it was the content that created the issue.

(Brief recap for those who have not seen BBM - two ranch hands in the 1960s, Ennis (Heath Ledger) and Jack (Jake Gyllenhaal) spend a season herding sheep together, have sex, form a bond, then separate to go about their expected hetero lives but get together for fishing trips every year or so to have sex and spend time together. Jack wants more, Ennis is terrified. Both marry and have families. Eventually Jack dies in what is implied to be a gay-bashing but who knows, and Ennis makes his peace with the love he'd felt for him)

The saga picked up a couple of years after the film's events. Ennis decides to tentatively explore what being queer means, goes to Laramie, finds a gay bar, and very cautiously enters. Through a Series of Events he gets mixed up in an assault there and befriends a local sheriff's deputy, who is also gay. They begin a relationship.

Now, this series was COMPLEX. A huge cast of characters, a long and thorough evolution of this relationship, a lot of angst over Jack's memory, and it really worked for a LOT of readers. The new love interest she created was a really great character.

For others...it did not work and they hated it.

The animosity between fans who loved this saga and those that did not grew pretty heated. This was like '05 so there was no twitter or tumblr, this was all on LJ and dedicated fandom forums (some of which banned discussion of this fic for this reason), but there was doxxing and namecalling and real vitriol.

I guess my point in all this is that when there's strong feelings, some fans will find a way to be horrible to each other.

I was in the Sherlock fandom, another fandom 98% dominated by one ship. There were other ships, but somehow they seemed to co-exist mostly peacefully barring some snide remarks and rude comments (I could be wrong about this, if you asked someone who shipped a non-Johnlock ship they might have a different answer). No, the insanity in the Sherlock fandom was not ship-war-related.

I was also in the Criminal Minds fandom, which has a whole bunch of disparate ships and no ship wars that I can recall.

Then there are other fandoms, like Avatar, with TERRIBLE ship wars that are still going on.

I don't think the situation in 9-1-1 is as unique or different from other fandom wanks as has sometimes been asserted. I think terrible fandom wars are sort of inevitable, whether they're ship related or not. But for what it's worth, here are some of my thoughts on what's going on here.

A loooooong time (5.5 seasons) with one very dominant non-canonical queer ship. No other ship really ever approached the level of saturation or devotion of Buddie.

A pervasive belief that this ship might possibly become canon. That's a feature a lot of other ships do not have.

A lack of intense devotion to any of the other love interests. BuckTaylor was never a challenger to Buddie. Neither was Eddie and Shannon, or anybody else. It's hard to fight when there's no worthy challenger.

But now? BuckTommy is not only canon, but it has a lot of fans. It's a threat. And it's not only a threat in a feelings kind of way (as in, people like a thing that is not the thing I like and it makes me upset) but there's a perception that it's an ACTUAL threat, as in if people like this ship and promote it, it could cause it to become a permanent relationship (the degree to which fan response actually affects how the show unfolds is...debatable).

I do not personally think this is the case, but some fans strongly believe that Buddie could still happen if it weren't for BuckTommy. So if you're still wanting Buddie and believe it will or could happen, the existence of an alternate love interest represents a direct obstacle to that happening. That's a heck of an incentive to hate that competing ship. I get it.

That...might be a somewhat unique situation. There's a fight now because there's a challenger who might actually stand a chance.

This goes along with what we saw in the immediate aftermath of 7x04. I read someone else say (apologies, I don't know who it was, feel free to @ me if it was you and I'll credit you) that the early post-7x04 enthusiasm and acceptance of Tommy reflected the belief that he was temporary. A lot of folks thought it was just a way for Buck to get with Eddie, like, very soon after that. But the more time went by, the clearer it became that this was not the plan or the intention. So the mood soured for those who were still pulling for Buddie.

Other fandoms I've been in with a hugely dominant ship...Sherlock and X-Files are the two that spring immediately to mind...there was never a challenger with any legs. X-Files fandom wank was between the ship and the...lack of ship, shall we say. But a concrete, tangible "opponent" makes a fight so much more visceral, doesn't it?

I do think there's been a fandom shift towards needing ships to be canon that I don't really get, but it's there. There's been a lot written about fandom culture in the last ten years, the breakdown of boundaries between fans and creators, the access to those creators, a sense of ownership/entitlement, purity culture, obsession with shipping "correctly" (which leads into wanting things to be canon for the validation)...these are all newish features. So pile that on top of 9-1-1 having a longtime single ship that's legitimately threatened for the first time in its existence by a competing canon ship and it's kind of a powderkeg.

No wonder it's caught on fire.

[th3-third-duffel-bag]

ANALYZING EVIL DEAD RISE VS STRANGER THINGS 5 PREDICTIONS BC THE WRITERS SAID SO.

im sorry.

*****ok do NOT read any further if you haven't seen evil dead rise yet. you have been warned.*****

ok this is gonna be a long one I think.

my friend @3leven1 and I came up with 4 main predictions about what the fuck this means. here we go class.

UNO: POSSESION.

obviously in evil dead rise (I'm just gonna abbreviate it to edr) there is an ongoing theme of possession. this could mean multiple things. when people got Vecna'd it was often refereed to as "possession". vecna might be back to Vecna more people in the gang to break them up and do a great number of damage in their attempts to defeat him. in season two (which was also confirmed to be related to s5) will was possessed. could this mean will will -haha will will- get possessed again?? or will someone else...? this brings me to my next theory.

DOS: THE WHEELERS.

by now I bet a ton of you have seen that in the posters for season four, we had one for Karen wheeler. now why the hell would she have one?? its not like she's a main character, she never has been. but maybe its implying that she will be. Ellie (the mother) in edr was possessed and went rogue killing her children and others. in s4 Vecna picked random teens to kill. or.... not so random. every one of his four victims had some sort of trauma or conflict eating away at them. its been implied that Karen is unhappy in her marriage with ted. I mean come on, in seasons 2 and 3 she was getting ready to go fuck billy like twice. so is vecna gonna go after Karen??

hold up in not done the the wheeler fam just yet. in edr, Ellies sister, lily, pulled that badass card out of the deck and killed Ellie. a good deal of that situation, she had a gun. now, class, who knows how to handle a gun in the wheeler fam? Nancy. Nancy is going to kill her possessed mother, defending her family. hey! y'all remember towns the end of edr when the bodies of them possessed people formed one big monster??? sort or reminds me of something...

TRES: THESSALHYDRA AND SEASON THREE.

first in line: season three. the mall monster was made up of melted down people.... and rats. if the people and rats could turn into a monster, then I have no doubt that other monsters themselves can. but. could this abomination of other melted monsters be the thessalhydra????

NEEEXT!!!: the thessalhydra. if you are in any way acquainted with dnd, you know the thessalhydra. if you aren't its okay! that was the monster the gang was fighting in wills painting. in season four, when robin, Steve, Eddie, and Nancy were walking through the woods in the upside down, there was another earthquake. during that earthquake, in the subtitles, it said something along the lines of "creature bellows in distance". I don't thing any of the monsters we've already been acquainted with 'bellow'. could this be the second big bad of s5 and the "creature with a gaping mouth' (possibly melted down monsters????) Nancy saw in her visions? probably.

CUATRO: ELEVEN GETS VECNA'D

hold on don't freak out!! its just a theory. but I do have some solid goddamn evidence so maybe you should freak out just a little bit.

around the middle of edr, lily finds Bridget eating glass to "kill the buggies in her tummy" creepy ass bitch. but before that, she is appalled to find that blood is literally POURING out of her nose. I really don't think I should have to explain that one. that's not all though. seconds after, she finds blood running out of her eyes too. Vecna kills him victims by sucking there eyes into their heads. when this happens, blood runs out their eyes too. so, class, lets put together these puzzle pieces regarding eleven.

nosebleed (el) + blood running out eyes = eleven gets vecnad.

but maybe she'll be ok. before we figured out one was Vecna, he tried to Vecna eleven when she was young. but she did get out of it by exploding him into the upside down.

uhm. yeah im sorry for that last one. if you read this before watching edr, I did warn you, back off. ANYWAY. yeah that's all I got. tell me what you think!

[missdefying]

Thoughts on Marketing, Social Media, and Putting All Your Eggs in One Basket

With Twitter becoming a cesspool, tons of folks are jumping ship. When Space Karen took over, I lost about 100 followers in the first week due to account deactivations. That number continues to decrease each day. Even if I was willing to stay on Twitter, my target audience isn’t, making marketing on Twitter less effective every day.

Twitter is where I built my career. I connected with execs at Shudder, Tony Todd, @flanaganfilm, Patton Oswalt, Tananarive Due and more. Without Twitter, I wouldn’t have landed my TV/film manager, my agent, or my literary rep. I wouldn’t have raised money for my podcasts, NIGHTLIGHT and Afflicted. Sure, I could have found other ways--and will find other ways in the future--but suffice to say that Twitter is a big reason I am where I am today.

Saying goodbye to Twitter doesn’t make me sad, however. What makes me sad is to see what its become. What makes me sad is that, as a former professional marketer, I should have known not to put all my eggs in one basket. I am not sad to leave Twitter. I’m sad that something that was once pretty great is now so awful. I’m also incredibly tired of companies and their unethical business practices. Pretty soon, there won’t be many companies left to support. That’s just how things are now: you can’t spend your money pretty much anywhere without giving it to a grubby little shithead with an ego problem.

Now, I’m scrambling to diversify my marketing, but that’s really difficult when the most effective platforms are owned by corporations...usually run by shitty people. These days, it’s almost impossible for creatives to market ourselves without lining the pockets of some billionaire in the process, who will in turn use that money to do absolutely nothing positive for society.

For those of you who are wondering what the hell you should do going forward for your marketing, let me share my plan:

Diversify. Don’t rely on one platform. My plan is to create content on TikTok and share that on Instagram and Facebook. Some of that content will be stories, some of it will be memes and nonsense, and some of it will be horror-adjacent things like tarot readings. I’ll also be posting stories here on Tumblr instead of Twitter. Eventually, all my Twitter stories will be available here and on my website...

Which leads to my second point--have your own website. It’s the only thing you can truly own. No one can take it away from you. No one can tell who what you can and can’t post. Sure, if you’re a hateful asshole, your host can kick you off, but if you’re just a regular person, you can easily move your site to another host if your current host fails you.

Newsletters: I’m on the fence about this one. While I think they’re an excellent idea, I’m hesitant to try out Substack because Apartheid Clyde has apparently said he wants to buy the platform. If I do a newsletter, I’ll probably go with MailChimp, which has its own issues, but is probably my best option. I do need to do more research, however. All of my stories will be sent via newsletter before they’re available to the public if I choose to start a newsletter. However, newsletters are VERY difficult to do well. People don’t want to hear about your promos--they want stories, art, whatever it is you create. Which means..you’ve got to create even more free content.

Patreon: All of my stories will be published on Patreon before they go live anywhere else. I’ll also have some exclusive content for Patrons. Again, you’re relying on a platform someone else owns, but (so far) I’ve found Patreon to be less evil, and I don’t mind supporting them.

Finally, don’t forget offline marketing. Print out postcards for your podcast, book, art, etc and leave them places they won’t get trashed, but also where your target audience may hang out. The bulletin boards at coffee shops are great for podcasts because folks like to listen to stuff while they work in the shop. Wear your merch (don’t forget a website address or something else to let people know WHAT the merch is about and how they can get the thing you want to sell if they’re interested), and sell merch so others can promote for you!

So, yes, I’m sad that Twitter has become what it has, but I’m also thankful for the kick in the ass to push me to market the right way--across multiple mediums instead of relying on one, which creates a single point of failure.

And if you’re so inclined, I’m missdefying everywhere it matters, so follow me on Tiktok, Instagram, etc.

[aarlone]

My resolution for 2022 was pretty simple - all I wanted was to keep track of the books I read over the course of the year. I tracked them all over on Instagram as I finished each book, and last night I finished book #24 (ETA I was able to get one more book in for 2022 and added it to the list).

Nearly all of these books were found through the Queer Science Fiction and Fantasy database, which is an excellent resource for finding books with prominent queer characters. Some of them are just from authors I already liked, but happened to have queer characters anyway, which was nice. I think books 10, 11, 17, and 23 are the only ones that don't have explicitly queer representation, though I have seen people online suggesting that the protags of 17 and 23 are aro/ace.

I also was able to get nearly all of these books through my local library, as well (technically, I could include the two books I already owned, since they are both rereads that I got originally from the library).

So here's the list all in one place, with some notes on them if I feel like it.

The Stone Sky, by N. K. Jemisin

Blackfish City, by Sam J. Miller - I kind of want to read more cyberpunk like this

The Raven Tower, by Ann Leckie - this had a ton of elements that are extremely my jam, and I enjoyed reading this book a lot.

The Mask of Mirrors, by M. A. Carrick

Magic For Liars, by Sarah Gailey

Call Down the Hawk, by Maggie Stiefvater

Karen Memory, by Elizabeth Bear

Red-Stained Wings, by Elizabeth Bear

Together We Will Go, by J. Michael Straczynski - JMS has been destroying me emotionally since high school. I loved this book, but I needed something much, much lighter afterward.

The Sorceress and the Cygnet, by Patricia A. McKillip - this, and its sequel, are favorites of mine since middle school. I realized during this re-read that the character of Lauro Ro might be read as being aromantic, though I think it would be hard to say definitively.

The Cygnet and the Firebird, by Patricia A. McKillip

The Queens of Innis Lear, by Tessa Gratton

The First Sister, by Linden A. Lewis

In the Ravenous Dark, by A. M. Strickland - this book was probably the most horny of all the books I read this year. I liked it, but damn is it horny.

The Collapsing Empire, by John Scalzi - Scalzi's so reliable for me. The Interdependency Cycle books are just my flavor of sci-fi.

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, by V. E. Schwab

Middle Game, by Seanan McGuire

The Black God's Drums, by P. Djèlí Clark

When the Tiger Came Down the Mountain, by Nghi Vo - this and The Black God's Drums are both closer to novellas, but I'm still counting them. When the Tiger Came Down the Mountain was excellent, and I read it in one sitting while at the laundromat.

Winter's Orbit, by Everina Maxwell - it took a bit for me to get into, but I dug it - my kind of sci-fi, but not quite as much of a popcorn read as Scalzi, if you get my meaning. A bit heavier.

This Golden Flame, by Emily Victoria

Iron Widow, by Xiran Jay Zhao - one of the best books I read this year, this absolutely ruled.

Not Even Bones, by Rebecca Schaeffer

The Consuming Fire, by John Scalzi

Full Fathom Five, by Max Gladstone

[gildatheplant]

So I finally got around to watching IWTV ep.5

First of all, I should preface this that I watched it a week late, so Tumblr had spoiled most of it for me. I went into it fully knowing that it was divisive, and people were either angry about how the show ‘ruined’ Lestat or argued that it made sense in the context of the show.

First off, I’m in the latter camp. While I can see how the final fight between Lestat, Louis, and Claudia could be traumatizing for some viewers, particularly since it’s seen primarily through Claudia’s eyes, I didn’t think it was that shocking in light of many other violent moments in the show. I feel like the reason so many viewers reacted so badly to it was because episode 4 was mostly very light-hearted, even with its depressing ending. Going from arguably the most upbeat and fun episode to the darkest episode is bound to give a lot of viewers whiplash.

That said, it does annoy me a bit to read viewers saying that they want to quit the show, or that the writers are terrible or ruined the characters, that they loved episodes 1-4, but 5 (and maybe 6) have ruined it...because did they forget episode 1? Lestat was absolutely brutal to Louis near the ending of episode 1 but for some reason fans were not only OK with it but were absolutely hyped about the show. The ending of episode 1 had Lestat interrupt Louis’ brother’s funeral out of jealousy, Louis discovering that Lestat had murdered his friend/lover Miss Lily, Lestat driving Louis to have a complete mental breakdown, Louis trying desperately to find solace with his priest friend in the church (during his mental breakdown), only for Lestat to interrupt and murder Louis’ priest friend and another priest in front of Louis, Lestat tossing Louis around like a ragdoll when Louis rightfully tries to stab this bloodthirsty monster...this all happened after Lestat and Louis were already lovers...

So I guess I’m confused why fandom gave Lestat a pass after all of that, but then seemed shocked that Lestat was abusive in episode 5. True, Lestat was more physically violent towards Louis in episode 5, but the show has been building up to it throughout the season.

Also, I’ve read most of the books, so please don’t “Lestat wouldn’t do that in the books”. You all were perfectly happy when the show strayed from the books if it meant amping up the homoeroticism, like Lestat having levitation sex with Louis, but when the show amped up the violence, suddenly there was all this clutching of pearls. In the books, Lestat is described as having murdered innocent men, women, and children without remorse. He and Louis fight, with the insinuation of violence being involved, it’s glossed over, unlike the show, but the insinuation is still there. TotBT has Lestat say he’d never hurt Louis or Claudia but 1) it’s his perspective 2) it contradicts things written in other books and 3) TotBT depicts Lestat raping someone and forcefully changing someone so it’s clear Lestat’s concept of hurting others is seriously skewed. 

I get if people are too triggered by the show to continue, and hey that’s fair, horror isn’t for everybody and some types/styles of horror can be too much even for fans of the genre. But I think it’s very unfair to slam the creative team of the show because they went in a direction that didn’t fit with your personal interpretation of the characters.

[kernyen-xo]

It’s been a while, but guess what? I was lounging in my new recliner and holding my arms up over my head and did a double take at them. Dude! I have old lady arms =:p

So, speaking of my recliner, something I’ve always wanted, btw, I’m thinking I should have bought one that wasn’t leather because every time I sit in it, I slowly slide down until my butt is hanging off the edge. It’s a little comical. Okay, it’s more than a little comical. But I still love my chair. It’s a recliner, people. I’m hoping that over time the leather becomes less slippery, otherwise I’m going to have to sew non-skid thingies on the seat of my pants.

My condo is starting to feel like home. It took a while to unpack and organize things, but I’m pretty much finished with just a few things left to do. I moved in on July 30th. See, what I mean? It took forever. It’s now fall. Where did the time go? Anyhow, the drive to work is pretty good since I’m driving against the traffic. I feel very fortunate since commuting to work can be brutal for most of the residents in the area. On an average it takes me 15-20 minutes to drive to the office and the same driving home.

It still feels unreal that I’m a homeowner.

I’m still getting used to living in this area. It’s a different culture. I live near Sac State / East Sacramento. The vibe is different. Not bad, just different.

I bought a Ring and installed it. There’s a ton of catalytic converters getting stolen. There’s a lot of attempts on breaking in, thieves stealing packages, etc. While it’s not happening in my neighborhood, it’s happening around it. I live in a gated community, which helps, but I know it doesn’t keep any of us completely safe or free from theft.

In other news:

The job is good. We’re moving into a bigger space, like way bigger.

After 10 years of renting a house, the kid decided to move out when I bought the condo. She and her fur kids moved in with her partner.

I had my 2nd booster shot and it knocked me off my feet. I was down for 48 hours. It was awful, so awful that I’m having second thoughts about getting the 3rd one :-/

I’ve read 103 books out of my goal of 150 for this year. I’m getting there.

I tried watching the new Quantum Leap series, but I dunno yet. I’m waiting for the hook and reel and I’m thinking it’s not going to happen.

I watched the documentary about Fauci. I had no idea how instrumental he was in creating the AIDS cocktail. I also watched the documentary about Nolan Ryan. He was a great pitcher with all these amazing records. I know. Karen, where have you been? Apparently under a rock. But it’s nice to learn things, even if it is long after the events/facts have happened.

I’m glad the weekend is right around the corner. I don’t know what I’m gonna do, but whatever it is, it’s going to feel wonderful.

[creoterative]

AoT characters as dogs

Info: Read the title, don’t bother me with explaining what I was thinking while writing this mess

Warnings: Ehhh... yes, probably, there are some harsher things mentioned, injuries, violent people... proceed with caution, if you are sensitive, don’t want anyone to come at me after this

Eren: Doberman 

- Used as a guard dog for a young woman, whose husband hit her several times before she could finally call the cops on him

- Had the best training a guard dog could get and he is mighty proud of it

- (still loves belly rubs tho)

- Eren is trained to have kind of a switch in his head, so he is this calm, well behaved and caring dog when he is with his owner, but as soon as he gets the signal from her, he turns into a military dog, biting off peoples limbs if they don’t jump out of the way (there is no jumping out of his way)

- He barely wags his tail, but if there is the sound of an icecream truck nearby...

- Eren isn’t too good with other dogs and people, very focused on his owner

- He listens to commands like they were in his code, really, he can abort an attack while still in flight

- Oh he hates cats. Like so much.

- He has this weird moment, when the washing machine is running, he sits in front of it, staring at the laundry... turning.... and turning... asking himself what he is doing with his life.... then his owner comes back from the bathroom and he sits on the couch with her again, demanding some cuddles

- loves to chew on big bones, feels very strong then (which he is, obviously)

Mikasa: Akita Inu

- She is used as a guard dog as well, but not because of any violent family members, it’s just... there are ‘Karens’ in the neighborhood. You know who I mean. And they don’t like the children of her family.

- So now, they got Mikasa and after one good bark at the fence, bitches ain’t comin’ near them kids, not closer than like ten meters

- She’s big, and she doesn’t care. Like, at all.

- Every few months she has to see a groomer and get a full bath. She seems as if she hates it, but secretly she absolutely loves it. 

- She has a collar with spikes on it to make her look more dangerous

- Mikasa is actually really good with the kids and even trusted to be alone with them, when here owners are still at work

- She does okay with other dogs, because she exactly knows how to beat them but she doesn’t trust other humans at all, being very cautious around them, always with her resting bitch face - not that she’s afraid, she just doesn’t know what to expect

- Once, there was a fire at home, the older brother made some food, but forgot to turn off the stove, before he went to take a shower. Mikasa got everybody out of the house without a single injury and stopped a car so the firefighters could be called.

- After that, they got her a new fluffy cave to sleep in and a ton of plushies, she loves them

- She needs a special diet because of her liver (yeah, kids... and chocolate... )

Armin: Fox Terrier

- Small, extremely fast and used for hunting

- Oh, how he hates when people come at him with ‘aaawww look at this cutieeee’, but of course he behaves like a good boy (don’t you dare laugh at that, all of you Armin simps)

- Belongs to a veteran and goes hunting with him, but also serves as a kind of therapy dog for his owner. Not officially, the veteran is too proud to admit it too.

- Armin is fluffy and he knows that, still he doesn’t like to be pet by strangers. If he sniffed them, they were around him for several hours, he might just randomly sit on their lap, but it takes time.

- Instead of barking the hell out of himself, like most dogs with ‘small dog syndrome’ do, he stalks his prey silently, suddenly doing a full hunt after them

- He need much space, so his owner bought a small part of land and built a fence around it, his personal playfield

- Is good with other dogs, as long as they behave themselves and don’t chase after him just because he is small

- Evenings in front of an oven, fire on, a little christmas hat hanging from his left ear, sitting on his owners lap and enjoying belly rubs. Yeah, the good times.

- He absolutely adores kids, loves to run with them and they often ask his owner if they can throw him a ball, which is great for a dog like Armin, who needs his excercise

- He can and will eat everything. Literally. Ate a whole turkey for Thanksgiving. Little rat. 

Sasha: Bernese Mountain Dog

- She. Is. So. FLUFFY.

- Absolutely adorable, will walk up to strangers for pets

- Keeps an eye on a herd of sheep in the mountains of Switzerland

- Her owner is a shepherd, obviously, and treats her like family, since he is all alone in his hut

- Sasha can walk all day and night without getting exhausted, she is used to the dangerous terrain and knows the mountains like no other soul on this earth

- Maybe because she got lost two or three times...

- She wears a cute bell around her neck because of that, although she is older now and her owner fully trusts her... Just in case, you know?

- Sasha is very friendly, but when one of the sheep tries to get out of line, she is very strict and barks it back to the herd

- Loves coming home from work, sheep in the barn, owner in bed, and just sitting in the big window, watching the sun set

- That big lady can eat anything. Although she doesn’t feel good about eating their own sheep, it’s for surviving and also tasty, so yeah

Connie: Labrador Retriever

- (I thought about choosing one of the many Springer Spaniels for him, just to joke about it. Good try, but no.)

- He is the prime example of a Labrador Retriever, there is no other dog expressing that much ‘Retriever Flare’

- He lives with a very sportive couple and the two men often take him for very long hikes

- Happy, loving, kind and good with other dogs, but if anyone touches his Bertie, a plushie that looks like an elk, that guy is dead

- Connie loves water, of course, but what he loves even more is making his owners completely wet when he shakes his body, after coming right out of the sea or lake

- Doesn’t understand the concept of TV. There are things moving in there, but why can’t he touch them... Same with the frikin’ windows, what are those invisible walls for?!

- He can run. Fast. And forever.

- Out of all the characters here, he can do the best puppy eyes, especially when it’s for food

- Speaking of food, he can literally eat everything. Plastic package of this good old lasagne? Well, it has to go somewhere if we want the actual food, right? Somehow he survives all the shit he eats.

- When he wags his tail, he almost flies, I swear

Jean: Border Collie

- Very active and competing in special events

- Belongs to a very lovely young woman and her boyfriend, like that woman is just small and sporty and the nicest ever. So big boy Jean is a little embarrassed, but don’t you dare talk trash about her, he’ll shit in your shoes at night.

- Often goes jogging with her boyfriend, who he really likes, but at the weekends, there are hikes with her, which he also loves just as much as her

- Jean is good with other dogs, at first a little cautious, but he manages to keep his manners

- He is a proud dog and loves to win competitions. But in exchange for that, if he makes a mistake like jumping over the hurdle from the wrong side, he gets so insecure.

- Buddy loves to hear the door bell ring, he zooms right out of his higly exclusive bed

- Little arrogant though, loves it if people adore him and his talents

- He is really smart and once had a part in a documentary about the brains of animals, comparing dogs to other mammals

- He has his whole garden full with toys to train and of course play with

- Jean has bad teeth, so he gets some dental sticks extra, but apart from that, he can eat everything. He’s just special about his food, sometimes doesn’t accept it because it’s too dry or too wet or whatever problem he has that day

Historia: Golden Retriever & Samoyed Mix

- The most beautiful Goldie you will ever see (apart from my own, sorry)

- She is owned by a friendly old man who lives in a small town and just wanted a companion for his remaining years after his wife died

- And she does her job very well, the man smiles everytime she greets him when he comes home from his morning walks. He walks with her some time later, just wants her to have her beauty sleep.

- They are a good team, Historia is glad to have become his dog and his kind nature perfectly reflects her own

- She’s calm and friendly when around other dogs, her best friend Ymir lives in her town as well, so her owner sometimes sends Historia there with a small gift bound around her neck, letting them play with eachother

- Of course, like every Goldie, she loses a lot of hair, so she has to see a groomer several months a year, her owner is too old to do that all by himself, although he cleans up after her in his house

- Gosh, she’s so good with kids

- She loves to help whenever she can, although she is not an official service dog. As time goes by, the son of her owner teaches her some tricks, like getting the phone when it’s ringing or opening the door

- Historia loves to go to the grocery store, because in the small town everybody knows her and she’ll be greeted with sausages and cheese from one or two of the employees

- She has to be careful around vegetables since she is allergic to carrots, but apart from that she can eat everything

Ymir: Belgian Sheepdog

- Calm, collected, big and fast, the perfect dog to heard a bunch of cows. Yes you heard me. 

- Ymir was adopted by a farmer and his family after she was given to a shelter by her previous owners because of her ‘temperament’

- Well, turned out that those people were unexperienced with dogs and didn’t know how to handle her, so after a good amount of training with the farmer, Ymir had a job and a forever home

- She is extremely good at her job, showing no fear at all and she even battled coyotes, who were trying to break in the stables, probably because they wanted the chickens, who also live there

- Historia is her neighbor and they often meet outside, their owners being good friends for years

- Unlike most of the other characters, Ymir can’t handle children. Her previous owners had children themselves, but they treated her like a toy and she learned, that kids are only annoying little brats. Although her actual owner has two children as well, she stays away from them.

- She doesn’t like to be pet that much, especially not on her belly. The only one who is allowed to do that, is the farmer, nobody else. Petting on the head is okay though. 

- Ymir is allowed to roam around the backyard and the meadows freely, but she has to listen to her farmers voice and be ready for work if he demands so

- She doesn’t like water

- Her teeth are very well, so she prefers a challenge, som good chunks of meat from a cow or a whole leg maybe

Reiner: German Shepherd & Rottweiler Mix

- Bred to be a military dog, he became one at a very young age

- He passed all the tests with excellent marks, but of course, he remained a dog inside and his owner, a young marine officer, never wanted him to let go of his inner puppy

- That inner pupy comes out right after work, playing in the backyard, chilling on the couch, chewing on a big piece of buffalo horn, you name it

- He is extremely strong and big as well, so people can be very intimidated by him when he walks down the street with his owner, but Reiner actually doesn’t understand that

- After a splinter of a grenade hit him in the shoulder, he retired, having at least 10 years of his life left and his owner actually didn’t know what to do with him, so he gave him to a good friend who owned a shelter

- Reiner had to wait another two years until he got adopted by a nice couple, who were searching for an intelligent, not too old dog, who might be eager to work. So they checked him, bought him and trained him to become a service dog.

- After he completes his training as a service dog, another two years passing by, he is bought by a nice family. They have a daughter, who suffers from epilepsy and if she is severely stressed or didn’t drink enough water, she can get really bad migraines. So Reiner’s duty is it to warn her about her epileptic seizures and to remind her about drinking enough.

- That girl really loves him and he feels useful again, so it’s only natural that they allow him to sleep in her bed, extra cuddles for big ex-military dog

- He loves to get pet, anywhere, anyhow, any time. Give him a hug, kiss him on the head, that dog will wag his tail like a frikin’ tornado. Yeah, the girl he watches over said that he looks like a helicopter sometimes.

- Because of his strong jaws, he can bite through anything, which doesn’t mean that he should though... well, dude’s a dog here, so that soldier puppy doesn’t care if it’s a bone or an electric fence, he was trained to endure pain, now deal with it. 

Annie: Husky

- One word. Bitchface.

- She is beautiful, dark coat, big blue eyes, but her resting face, killing.

- Annie is owned by a middle aged man, who owns a large property in Alaska. Don’t worry, Annie doesn’t give a flying shit about the snow. She sleeps in it. For the kick. (and because her breed actually CAN do that, huh)

- Hard as stone from the outside, one single glare from her and her owner gets what he wants.

- But on the inside, she is pretty calm and quite nice. At least she lets her owners little daughter pet her and after a few years she even pulls the sleigh for her.

- Annie doesn’t trust any humans apart from her owner and his family, but mostly her owner of course

- She does like to wander off for a few days, only to return with a dead caribu as an apology for diappearing. But in secret, she just wanted to hunt something. And the look on her familiy members faces are hilarious.

- She doesn’t own many toys. The smaller dogs in town are her toys.

- Annie isn’t too well around other dogs, she doesn’t bark or growl or anything, but if they don’t back off, she will give them a taste of her biting force

- She’s used to eating anything, even raw fish and dead birds, she eats that like candy

Bertolt: Irish Wolfhound

- Big. Very. BIG. 

- Soft and cuddly, but he refuses to be called that.

- He is owned by an elderly couple, who live together with their daughter’s family. They all adore him and he always has someone who will go for a walk with him.

- Bertolt isn’t the most active dog, often just laying in his bed, sleeping. but if something fun happens, he’s absolutely on board.

- Is rather shy and doesn’t interact with strangers that much, although he isn’t aggressive at all

- Bertolt protects the house and especially the two kids who live there. They seem to like him really much and sometimes they still ask if they can ride on him. Which their parents of course deny.

- Because he is so big, he can cause problems in the house with him tripping over some toy or bumbing against an old vase.

- He is quick when it comes to sneaking out of the kitchen with a chain of sausages aroung his neck. Guess who gives it to him every sunday.

- Bert is the most loyal dog you can imagine. He would never leave the kids in the backyard, if some weirdo was calling from the front gate or he would never take food from strangers. He also doesn’t walk around the house freely, he knows the rules and sticks with the elders, if no one allowed him to go visit the kids yet.

- He can and wil eat anything. Like before with Connie, when I say anything, I mean it. 

Levi: Hovawart

- You don’t want to mess with that dog. You don’t.

- Is owned by a lawyer and protects his house from any angry clients.

- Levi is a silent stalker, so don’t even try to get in, there are eyes on you as soon as you approach his home

- He isn’t owned by a lovely family, but his owner still shows him love and care, enough for Levi to rip every shithead apart who tries to break in

- He’s fast. And when I say fast, I mean like he runs at you, jumps over a 2,5 meters fence and still rushes after you without losing speed

- That bastard will not just hold on to you until the cops come. He will tear your precious leg apart, step by step. But just enough so the judge doesn’t call him overly aggressive.

- Does he wear a collar? Yes,his name and the phone number of his owner are on it. The question is, who would be mad enough to approach a guard dog, wandering around on his own.

- Levi may not be the youngest, but that doesn’t mean shit to him, he’ll protect his home if he reaches 9 years, he’ll protect it if he reaches 15 years.

- He sleeps under his owners desk, if he is at work by daylight, but at night, Levi has to go outside, sleeping in a nice big dog house

- Do we even need to talk about his diet. 

[princessfbi]

I saw you wrote a Now You See Me fic and I was wondering how you would do a NYSM AU for the 911 characters? Maybe how would you dress them too?

*gasps* NONNIE THIS IS A GIFT!

So the thing about that movie is that it's a Robin Hood heist type of movie. Ok so Bobby would definitely be the Dylan role. The one that's pulling all the strings but isn't actually on stage with the others. But he can pull off pretty much any magic trick imaginable. Athena would be an FBI agent and they met when she had to call Bobby in to help her solve a case. They fell in love and got married and it took Athena all of ten minutes to figure out that Bobby was involved in some... less than upfront business. But she knows her husband and she knows that sometimes the rules don't often help people when they should so as long as she doesn't see it, she doesn't need to know about it.

I'd make Eddie the daredevil. He's the escape artist who can pretty much break through any lock. He drives fast cars, motorcycles, and walks through fire. He'd also be a fighter (but the more like healthy way like Ryan does in real life where it's a release and it's about endurance/mindfulness and not the poor coping skills to deal with his trauma that Eddie had in season three) His life is high stakes, high paced, and locked in speed which would be a really awesome parallel to his calm demeanor. I'd pretty much keep him in the same clothes he wears now but like a shit ton more of those v-neck shirts. Give me all the v-necks. Season 4 hair FOR SURE!

Hen would be the animal tamer. Literally there isn't an animal that she doesn't connect with. She has so many pockets and literally there's just animals hanging out in them. Like it wouldn't be uncommon for her to just be talking to someone and then randomly out pops a baby bunny like it's nothing. The ferret definitely hates Chimney. Her and Karen would also have an animal sanctuary where they take care of animals that have been abused or abandoned by hack jobs, circuses, and magicians who didn't realize the care and work that comes with working with animals. I think I would keep Hen in the same style she is in the show but I would let her have a bolder lip and wild glasses like Aisha has in real life. Karen is already fabulous so we will not be touching a hair on her head.

Chimney is absolutely the mentalist. He's been on talk shows, he's been a consultant on failed TV shows, he's even almost had his own show on TLC. But nothing sticks. He has the perfect charisma to be a front man but things just keep falling through. But he can read a person from halfway across the room without a blink. He is very good at his job. Literally one of the best. I'd keep his scruffy Chimney look from S4 but I would stick closer to Kenny Choi's style at premieres. He's always ready to be on if the occasion arises so he wants to look good. Button down, slacks, possibly a chest. I mean talk about dreamboat Chimney with him in a three piece suit but no tie and the sleeves of his button up rolled up his forearms! OH MY GOOOODDDD!

And finally, the newbies. The Buckley Siblings. They ran away young and haven't stopped running since. They're pickpockets. Buck is a prodigy at sleight of hand and Maddie is one of the best grifters no one knows about. Buck has the fastest hands Bobby has ever seen as he watched Buck nick about five wallets, a watch, and someone's phone in less than two minutes. Maddie has a keen ability to blend in almost anywhere. She can catch your attention one second and then blend into the crowd the next. Like we're talking full on Megan Fox doing a costume change in the middle of Grand Central in TMNT. They're good kids though. They never steal more than they need and they keep their targets, if they can help it, to business people with three piece suits and Rolexes that cost more than any apartment Bobby's ever had. But Buck's fingers are young and restless and Bobby watched Buck lift a woman's wallet only to drop it back into her purse when he heard her talking on the phone about how her asshole boss had screamed at her in front of everyone. A noble gesture but the quickest way to get caught. He corners Buck knowing that picking the younger of the two will bring out Maddie (she's very protective of her brother and she could give Marvel's The Black Widow a run for her money) and offers them a job. We'd keep it to the Buck S1 looks (GIVE ME THOSE RIPPED JEANS PLEASE) because he'd be still very young during this but keep the S4 hair but Maddie would be all JLH's style because stunning. STUNNING I say! And she would have the most versatility because it's just constantly changing.

I'd probably go a more Leverage style in regards to the heist rather than get too complicated with all the stuff about The Eye but there'd be so much Madney and Buddie and Bathena and Henren love happening because when you're a drifter the family you find is so important. So it'd be a lot of Found Family Vibes. There'd be a bit where they're disguised as firefighters of course. Perfect opportunities for hurt/comfort too! I think I would do Eddie Whump though this time around (I know! But imagine that like the baddie sabotaging Eddie's locks or something and they can't get to him) OH MAYBE THEY CON DOUG OR SOMETHING.

Anyways thanks Nonnie cus now I'm gonna be thinking about this all day.

[strangerthings4theories]

Billy Is Not A ‘B’ Character In Stranger Things

Yeah, his name starts with a ‘B’. That’s not what I mean. 

Everyone’s noticed an interesting trend in Stranger Things: if your name starts with a ‘B’, you’re probably going to die. First it was Barb. Then it was Bob. Then it was Billy. So, like Barb and Bob, Billy’s probably gonna stay dead. Right?

Not so fast. I’m a writer, fam. I’ve studied storytelling my whole life. And when you line up all the characters who have died so far (excluding the ‘bad guys’ and bit players), I can immediately tell you one of these characters is not like the others.

In fact, I can tell you Billy is not the ‘B’ character of S3. Alexei is. The Duffers just slid over to the ‘A’ to throw us off.

It all comes down to the weight each character is assigned. Are they a protagonist central to the story? A secondary character designed to comment on or reveal things about the protagonist(s)? Or are they just an extra, designed to fulfill a specific role in a smattering of scenes?

You don’t have to scratch your head over this. If you know storytelling mechanics, sorting characters is pretty easy (usually).

Let’s try it out...

One Of These Characters Is Not Like The Others

>>Barb, Bob, and Alexei have an arc spanning only one season. The Duffers never intended to let them survive for two. When they die, they leave no loose threads behind them except for other characters' grief and remorse. (And in Barb's case, a deep sense of injustice - which Nancy resolves in S2.)

>>Billy’s already had an arc spanning two seasons. When he dies, he leaves a TON of loose threads. He never:

made up for bullying Max

made up for hurting El (Starcourt was a good start, but not enough)

apologized to Lucas

apologized to Steve

stood up to his father and broke his hold over him

had a fulfilling friendship/relationship with anyone

grieved his mother (if she’s dead), found her again (if she’s alive), or otherwise came to terms with her memory

reclaimed the sweet, happy boy we saw on the beach

healed from the abuse he suffered throughout his life

hit back at the Mind Flayer, made Him regret possessing him, and emerged victorious

If he’s dead for good, this is disastrous storytelling. A good writer would never dream of cutting a character’s arc so short. It makes people (and other writers) grumpy.

>>Barb, Bob, and Alexei have a handful of narrative functions. They’re intended to show us more about specific characters, or redirect the plot at specific, identifiable points.

Barb is Nancy’s best friend. Her death was designed to propel Nancy’s coming of age journey. In S1, it shows Nancy how selfish she’s been and brings her and Jonathan together. In S2, it leads her to reject Steve because he doesn’t understand how desperately she needs justice for Barb. When Nancy secures this justice, Barb’s role in the story is complete.

Bob is Joyce’s boyfriend. His relationship with her shows us Joyce is holding herself back and not pursuing the man she really wants (Hopper). Throughout S2, he helps Joyce and the kids solve puzzles crucial to the plot. Then he helps them escape the lab and dies a hero. With that, his role in the story is complete.

Alexei is an expert on the Russians’ “key” machine. His primary role is to give Hopper, Joyce, and Murray the info they need to shut it down. Along the way, he provides comic relief, helps Murray overcome his hatred of Russians, and shows us Russians and Americans can coexist peacefully. Finally, his death demonstrates the lethal threat posed by Grigori. After that, his role in the story is complete.

>>In terms of narrative structure, Billy is a heavyweight. While I can rattle off just a handful of functions for Barb, Bob, and Alexei, I can’t do the same for Billy. Yes, in S2 he operated at ‘B’ character level. But in S3 he broke out and took control of the narrative. The entire plot of S3 hinges on his possession by the Mind Flayer. Without him, the story simply would not happen.

In addition, Billy is not defined by a single relationship. Just now, I summed up Barb, Bob, and Alexei like this: Barb is Nancy’s best friend. Bob is Joyce’s boyfriend. Alexei is an expert on the “key” machine. You can’t do that for Billy. He sits in the middle of a whole constellation of relationships! He is:

an antagonist to Lucas

Max’s step brother and the “monster” she defeats/tames

Steve’s rival for the kingship of Hawkins High

Karen’s (eventually rejected) love interest

Neil’s terrorized son

his mother’s sweet little boy who lost his way

El’s opposite and equal, the yin to her yang

Will’s older “twin” - in Will’s words, “a new me” (it’s no accident they share the same name)

This is just with the main cast so far. He interacts with a slew of minor characters as well, such as Tommy H. and the Holloways. And you can bet he’ll develop relationships with the rest of the main cast. The potential is incredible! Among other things:

Hopper will see himself in Billy and become the positive father figure Billy needs.

Joyce will see Will in Billy and become the protective mother figure he needs.

Jonathan will resent Billy’s presence and hold a grudge. Over time, he’ll learn that monsters can change.

It’s a lot, okay? And it’s not an accident. This kind of narrative pull only happens by design. 

Other characters who have the same pull include Hopper, Will, and El.

Billy is not a secondary character. He is a main character, the kind you can point to and say “yes, this show is about him.” That’s why, when an article I read recently said “we haven’t had a REAL major character death yet (Billy doesn’t count),” I laughed.

It’s true. We haven’t had a REAL major character death yet. But only because Billy ain’t gonna stay dead.

Peace. ✌️

»»————-　✼　————-««

P.S. If you want to figure out who’s a ‘B’ character like Barb, Bob, and Alexei, use this handy-dandy checklist:

has a name that starts with A, B, possibly C (Barb, Bob, Alexei, Argyle...)

is a sweet, adorable character that makes you like them (to make their death more painful)

can be defined by a single relationship

has a handful of narrative functions

For these reasons, Argyle is at the top of my list for S4. He's already been introduced as "Jonathan's new best friend" - an eerie parallel to Nancy and Barb.

[insideoutstory]

Okay what is future Christine’s pregnancy like? Is she absolutely miserable or unsure? Is Steve constantly running out to get her stuff?

Okay heads up, I have ZERO experience writing pregnancy plot lines, and in the past, I have't been super into reading them. But when Steve Harrington tells you he wants six kids, you do what you need to do. So *rolls up sleeves* here we go! This got long, so I put it under a cut. 💕 🍼

Honestly, even though Chrissy and Steve have talked about kids a lot, she's still scared when the time rolls around. It's not so much that she's worried about being a bad mom - like Steve says, they've had practice. Also, she grew up in a single-parent household with a dad who did his best, she she knows that she doesn't need to be perfect so long as they can talk it out.

What scares Chrissy is the physical reality of pregnancy - because human reproduction is a nightmare and there are an endless amount of things that can go wrong. Chrissy knows more than the average person because she's so into science, so at the start, she's definitely terrified of all the different dangers.

Chrissy also struggles with feeling isolated sometimes, because she doesn't have her mom to help her through it. She can talk to Joyce or Claudia or Karen, but even then it's not the same. [Side note: I feel like Claudia is definitely the kind of mom who had like really weird cravings while she was pregnant with Dustin, and just assumes that that's how pregnancy is for everyone, which is how Chrissy ends up with a gift of pickles and peanut butter with absolutely no idea what to say.]

So Chrissy wishes she had the assurance of her real mom, who could tell her their family health history and what she went through carrying Christine. A lot of times she feels like she's wandering through the dark, and she can't tell if what she's experiencing is normal or something catastrophic she won't recognize until it's too late.

BUT

If there's something else we know about Christine, it's that she has the Mom Friend Gene which, outside of being maternal, means that the moment someone else is scared or nervous, it's easier for her to calm down. She will revert to being the rational person in the face of chaos and, lucky for Christine, she is surrounded by well-intentioned men who are the definition of chaos.

We're gonna tackle this in ascending order, most rational to the least rational.

5. Hopper

Okay, so y'all haven't gotten to this part of the story yet, but I promise that once everything in Season 2 calms down, Hopper and Christine are closer. He's best friends with her dad, and sort of a second paternal figure for her. Hopper isn't the kind of dad who panics in this situation, not after everything he's been through. He's actually really great at talking to Christine and calming her down because, by GOD, does this man know what it's like to be terrified of yourself as parent. Hopper is one of the few people Chrissy can talk to without putting on a brave face, which she really appreciates.

4. Pete

Chrissy's actual dad is a little more chaotic. We know that he's well-intentioned and great at communication, but he's also scatterbrained and a little hapless at times. He'll soothe Chrissy with stories about her mom, stories about herself when she was a baby, reassurances that the two of them will get through this together. Then he'll also come visit with a ton of gifts for his grandkids even though they haven't been born yet, only to remember that he didn't remember the take out Christine asked him to pick up.

3. Eddie

Listen, Eddie is terrified of the prospect of raising kids. We know he didn't have a good relationship with his dad, his mom isn't in the picture, and he grew up ostracized by society. He's terrified of being unable to save his kids from that, or unintentionally screwing them up in some different way. That being said, he talks about that fear a lot, so he's actively working it out. Despite his usual chaotic personality, he's usually pretty calm around Chrissy - like his brain is telling him he has to walk gently and soothe her. He'll do things like brush her hair for her or give her a massage, painting her nails, just hanging out doing nothing so she doesn't need to get up to change the thermostat or the TV.

Also he's constantly playing guitar for her, because this baby will know music. (He plays "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica as a lullaby and you can fight me on this because it is PERFECT for their family dynamic.)

2. Dustin

Dustin is so goddamn excited to be an uncle. He's also a nosy little shit who can't mind his own business, so he is 100% the type to grab a drink out of Chrissy's hands and tell her it's bad for the baby. Sees a box of Eddie's cigarettes? Throws them in the trash because they're bad for the baby. Steve leaves the Lysol out while he's cleaning the kitchen? Packs everything away in the middle of the operation because chemicals are bad for the baby. He's dangerously close to getting himself banned from the house for the last few months, but no one wants to lose the happy energy he brings to the place.

Also, you can bet that he's going through all his belongings trying to decide what to give to him. This kid will have their own complete set of Lord of the Rings before they're a month old, coloring books with superheroes, a radio in their room so Dustin can call without tying up the phone line. He's a nerd and an inventor, and the kid will be too.

Steve

We know this. You knew this. Steve is a well-meaning disaster and his brain has too many thoughts to function properly. He's excited. He's scared. He's thrilled. He's mortified. There's so much that he needs to do. Each day brings a different Steve: Handyman Steve who is baby-proofing the house months in advance to the point that he's accidentally locked himself out of the cabinets; Scholar Steve who's checked out every parenting book from the library to learn how to be the best dad he can be; Chef Steve who's taken all of Dustin's critiques to heart and is trying to learn how to cook a healthy meal so Chrissy doesn't need to stand in the kitchen; Doting Steve who will drive any distance at any time of day to get Christine what she needs at this exact moment; back to Handyman Steve who has painted the nursery three times because he's indecisive and can't decide what looks best.

But of two things I am sure.

One: when it finally comes down to it and Chrissy goes into labor, he has a solid battle plan and does not break a sweat. All the go bags are packed, all the appropriate phone calls are made, they take the fastest route to the hospital, and it all goes off without a hitch. He has prepared for this moment and he does not lose his cool.

Two: Steve cannot go shopping with Eddie, because they will both have a meltdown. One of them in the baby section? Okay, they're a little nervous, but they have the mental bandwidth to talk themselves through what they think is the best decision. BOTH of them in the baby section? They work each other into a frenzy, arguing, panicking, pulling the manager into their dramatics because they're scaring the other customers. Three injured, many traumatized, and they spent twice as much money as they intended to.

[funnyincorrectmcu]

Saw you were doing an ask spree so I have a question! What are your ultimate favourite Marvel fanfics? (Ao3 answers preferable!)

OOOH!!! 

I ALWAYS LOVE THIS QUESTION!! But it’s also always SOO hard, because I have SO many fics that I ADORE! <3 <3 <3 

Okay okay. Since you’re asking for ultimate favorites, but since you’re also in a sense kind of asking for recommendations, I’ll do you a solid and give you a list of fifteen (which is really doing myself a solid because it means there are fewer that I have to narrow down). 

That said, if you really want my full list, go to my AO3 account and check out my bookmarks (and some of my works, if you’re interested!). Because there truly are a LOT of AMAZING writers out there. <3 <3 

Alright. Here goes nothing. 

Also, I am SO sorry this took me so long, but it took me forever to narrow down to fifteen, and even with THAT, I cheated. XD

Also also, fair warning, 95% of these are Tony and Peter centric. <3 

Also also also (lots of also’s, oops XD), I’m gonna give a little bit of info on each one for anyone interested, but PLEASE, read all tags and warnings before you actually start reading, because some of these are a little rougher than others. (Btw, when I say “major warnings”, I’m referring to AO3′s “major archive warnings” list.)

1. More Ancient Than Magic by @ironfamjam 

This is a mini Hogwarts AU that I absolutely ADORE and think about at least once a week. The way the author melds the two universes is incredible and so well done, and I quote it all the time.  One-shot, IronFam centric, featuring Ned and MJ, with special guest appearances from the other Avengers and Peter’s classmates. No major warnings. 

2. Everybody Loves Skip by @baloobird

Okay, Kris is my favorite MCU fanfic author of all time, so you’ll see her on here a couple of times. This is by far my favorite story of hers, and it’s what made me fall in love with Interwebs. <3 <3  Multichapter, Peter centric, featuring Ace!Peter and Interwebs, with special guest appearances from Tony, May, and Tracy Leeds. Minor sexual harassment/non-con, but it doesn’t get too graphic. 

3. Ohana by @jen27ny

I read this story as a part of last year’s Irondad Big Bang, and let me tell you, I was SOOO invested. I got to the point where I had to send in play by play reactions because I was so emotionally invested. The story is so well told. <3 Multichapter, Tony and Peter centric, featuring Pepperony, Spideychelle, and minor Stucky, with special guest appearances from the rest of the Avengers, HYDRA, and my fast beating heart. No major warnings. 

4. Come, My Darling, Homeward Bound by @i-am-irondad

ANOTHER Irondad Big Bang 2020 story that I became OVERLY invested in to the point that I had to send play by plays in to the author. It’s a Room AU, and she NAILS each and every one of the character dynamics. I never even saw Room, and I loved it. <3  Multichapter, Tony, Peter, and Morgan centric, featuring the rest of IronFam, Spideychelle, and adorable sibling moments, with special guest appearances from Quentin Beck and my tears. Minor implied sexual harassment/non-con. (She also has a prequel and a sequel, just so you know.) 

5. The Lightning Strike by @booksxtvxsupernatural

Yet ANOTHER Irondad Big Bang 2020 story that hit me right in the feels. This is a canon-divergent post-Infinity War fic, and the way the author shows how events could’ve transpired is so realistic and beautiful. <3  One-shot, Tony and Peter centric, featuring Harley Keener and Nebula, with special guest appearances from IronFam, May Parker, and several other Avengers. 

6. Family Doesn’t End with Blood by @baloobird

This is a series of one-shots by my girl Kris based off of the Irondad Bingo prompts, so there are a lot of different prompts and themes, but they ALL rock.  Multichapter, Tony and Peter centric, featuring Ace!Peter, IronFam, and Interwebs, with special guest appearances from several other MCU characters. Warnings vary, so pay attention to the tags and read the notes. 

7. I love you more than anything (bio dad AU) by @iron--spider

Okay, so maybe this is cheating, because it’s technically a series, but every fic in it is so good that I couldn’t possibly pick just one. I just love the whole series, because I love how the author builds their relationship. It’s so cute. <3  Series of one shots, Tony and Peter centric, featuring the rest of the Stark and Parker family and baby Peter, with special guest appearances from Obadiah Stane, James Rhodes, and Happy Hogan. No major warnings.

8. sometimes, people just die (and sometimes, they don’t) by @snarky-drabbles

This one was for the 2019 Irondad Secret Santa (huh. No wonder so many of them are Tony and Peter centric. XD), and it’s an amazing time loop story that takes place during Endgame and has an ending you might not expect, but it ROCKS.  One-shot, Tony and Peter centric from Peter’s POV, featuring Pepper Potts and Stephen Strange, with special guest appearances from a whole lot of fighting. XD 

9. A Rite of Passage by @baloobird

Another ADORABLE Interwebs from my favorite person, because she made me obsessed with this ship and now I can’t stop. XD  One-shot, Interwebs centric (wait, did I actually find one that isn’t Tony and Peter??), featuring Ace!Peter and Bi!Ned, with special guest appearances from Brad Davis, Flash Thompson, and Betty Brant. Minor sexual harassment/non-con, but nothing graphic at all. 

10. Where Dreams are Nightmares in Disguise by @baloobird

This one was actually written for me, by Kris, so obviously, it made this list. I seriously cannot thank her enough for writing this amazing fic for me based on my prompt, and for writing it so well! I LOVED IT! <3  One-shot, Tony, Peter, and Morgan centric, featuring Pepper Potts and lots of LEGOS, with a special guest appearance from a really bad dude. No major warnings. 

11. harm and foul by @iron--spider

You know, there’s a lot of Tony protecting Peter out there, but sometimes, I just really wanna see Peter protecting Tony, and this is a GREAT example of that.  One-shot, Tony and Peter centric, featuring IronFam, Ned Leeds, and bada** mofo Peter Parker, with special guest appearances from Justin Hammer and a few Avengers. No major warnings.

12. Sugar, Butter, Flour by @doctornineandthreequarters

Another one written for me, this time by the incredible Jaime for the 2019 Irondad Secret Santa, and I couldn’t have asked for anything better. She took my prompts to heart and created some BEAUTIFUL sibling bonding and I LOVE it!! <3 <3  One-shot, Peter, Harley, and Morgan centric (whoa. Another one without Tony. See? I have variety! ...kind of. XD), featuring Pepperony and adorable sibling love, with a special guest appearance from a Karen. No major warnings. 

13. Bite the Bullet by @baloobird

In case you haven’t figured it out, yet, I love you, Kris. XD <3 Another amazing ace story that gets me feeling all kinds of validated and loved. <3  One-shot, Tony and Peter centric, featuring Spideychelle, Ace!Peter, and Ace!Tony, with a special guest appearance from BFF Ned and lots of lovely ace acceptance. No major warnings. 

14. what is stronger than the human heart which shatters over and over and still lives by @lyssismagical

So, I started reading her works solely through Tumblr, and when I finally realized that she had an AO3, I went on there and bookmarked a TON of her stories immediately. This is one of her more recent ones, but it’s one of my faves, even with all the whump (being Whumptober and all). It has a positive ending, I promise.  One-shot, Tony and Peter centric, featuring amazing BFF Michelle Jones, protective Peter Parker, and adorable little sister Morgan Stark, with special guest appearances from Pepper Potts, May Parker, and a lot of family love and support. Rape/non-con, but it isn’t super graphic. 

15. Peaches by @peterparkrr

This was yet another Irondad Secret Santa 2019 fic, and while this one wasn’t written specifically for me, I freaking loved it. There’s so much tension and mystery in this, and I seriously thought I was gonna pass out reading it from all of my worry. But, luckily, it has a happy ending.  One-shot, Tony and Peter centric, featuring canon divergence and lots of references to other Avengers, with a special guest appearance from a terrible government. No major warnings.

And there’s my top 15! But, because I said I was cheating, here are two bonus fics that cannot be found on AO3. I know you prefer AO3, but trust me when I say you cannot pass these up. 

1. This fic by @loubuttons

This was posted directly to Tumblr, but I have it saved in screenshots on my phone and I re-blog it all the time because I absolutely ADORE it. I will always be down for Peter and Morgan fics, especially when Tony is involved, and this one touches my heart like no other.  One-shot, Tony, Peter, and Morgan centric, featuring protective big bro Peter Parker and Tony being an amazing parent, with special guest appearances from equally awesome Pepper Potts and May Parker. No major warnings. 

2. He’s My Intern? by losingmymindtonight (if they have a Tumblr, I don’t know it, so if anyone knows it, please find them and tell them they’re awesome)

This one was posted on FF.net, and it was actually one of the first Tony and Peter stories I ever read, and it BLEW me away. This one is another series of one-shots, but each one is filled with soft Tony and Peter moments and I love it.  Multichapter, Tony and Peter centric, featuring Happy Hogan, Bruce Banner, F.R.I.D.A.Y., and all the hurt/comfort you could possibly want, with special guest appearances from Pepper Potts, May Parker, Ned Leeds, and several other Avengers. No major warnings.  

Okaaaaay. I think that’s it?? 

Wow. That took me FOREVER. 

And I’m not even sorry, because all of these authors deserve ALL of the credit I gave them. 

Thank you so much for asking this! I hope I didn’t bore you or babble too much. XD 

All of you should definitely check out these amazing fics! They 100% deserve the praise! <3 <3 

Thanks again for asking! <3 

[uh-velkommen]

The White Lotus, HBOMax

Alright four episodes in and things are finally starting to ramp up. My face throughout the whole episode was stuck on discomfort. This show packs so much tension in every 45 minutes that I'm constantly waiting for somebody to pop off or something crazy to happen but instead we get teased with the smallest little plot pusher. Which is working. I'm officially intrigued. I do wish I knew the overall point of the show because that's what would've helped me decide if I wanted to keep up with but now my determination to find out how this all ends is doing just that...

Character breakdown + Spoilers/Predictions

Armond: The manager of the White Lotus resort. I love him in all his poor choices. He's just constant chaos simply because he has the power to create it. He's also the biggest driver of drama. He lies a lot, almost pathologically, and he will carry those lies to the grave for no real reason.

Nicole Mossbacher: Resort guest, Mark's wife, and Olivia and Quinn's mom. She's a pretty basic character who is teased about possibly having OCD and working during vacation. She was pretty chill in the first 2 episodes but every once in a while she says things that gives off I'm a centrist but my views lean a little more conservative.

Mark Mossbacher: In the beginning he's stressing about possibly having testicular cancer because his father died of cancer... Turns out his father had AIDs. He has a depressive episode over his dad being gay and then, while drunk, he inadvertently comes onto the Armond. The next day Armond tests the waters with Sober Mark and we get uncomfortably funny scenes of Armond coming onto Mark in front of the whole family. Mark's a very passive dude who doesn't do anything exciting in the show but we just find out that he has, in the past, repeatedly cheated on his wife and didn't tell her (he told his son that he did tell Nicole but I don't believe it) I think his theme is just being genuinely unhappy with his life at the moment.

Olivia Mossbacher: She's a college sophmore and has many moments where she calls out her parents questionable statements. She carries herself with a weird nonchalance where you'd think she's a mean girl but she's only ever expectedly mean to her brother. However, she brought along her friend Paula and we start to see that their friendship is built on some unspoken competition. The girls do tons of drugs on vacay until Armond gets his hands on them and breaks his 5 year sobriety. This is when and why shit starts to hit the fan. They know he stole the drugs but because everyone avoids admitting to having illegal drugs, no one is ever outright accused.

Paula: Olivia's poc friend, possible hypochondriac, and supplier of drugs, has secret rendezvous with one of the Hawaiian native resort workers. She refuses to say anything when asked about her nightly disappearances but Olivia knows why or for whom Paula keeps sneaking off. We learn that Paula doesn't want Olivia to know about her and her beau because Olivia always wants what she has. My theory is that this wouldn't be the first time Olivia has stolen a partner of hers and I think now because Paula isn't admitting to hooking up with this guy, Olivia is gonna steal him and use Paula's secrecy as a way of blame.

Quinn Mossbacher: Involuntary loner in my opinion. He comes off as a classic video game nerd, obsessed with the internet, cant live without his Switch and Fortnite. He doesn't have any friends and he takes all the teasing from Olivia and Paula without a fuss. But he starts sleeping on the beach alone and keeps running into these amazing sights to see. This is where we start to see him blossom and speak up. Its ever so slow but in episode 4 he actually walks up to a group of guys and introduces himself, interested in their boat related sport[?] (Or maybe even the guys themselves🤞) He's also the only one who knows about the Dad's affair and stupidly hints at it at the family dinner (he's just genuinely stupid).

Shane Patton: Also a resort guest and the funniest character to me. He's your run of the mill self-centered male Karen (Kevin if you will) and he arrives at the resort with his wife Rachel. They're on their honeymoon but so many moments make you question why in the hell did these two get married? He is in an unnecessarily one sided battle with Armond. First the resort accidentally downgrades his room. Armond gaslights Shane into thinking that he never purchased the bigger room. Shane gets a receipt. Armond tells him there's a German couple staying in the receipted room longer than Shane and his wife are there so the room will not be ready for them in time. Shane finds out the Germans are actually leaving wayy earlier. Armond apologizes and books them a romantic sunset dinner on a boat. The boat is actually a funeral where a strange grieving woman, named Tanya, fails to spread her mothers ashes in the sea. Shane confronts Armond and asks for Corperate's number. Armond creates a fake business card and when Shane realizes the number is fake, he bursts into Armond's office to find him rimming a coworker while high on Ketamine. Prediction: Armond's gonna get blackmailed for abuse of power in a classic Monicagate manner.

Rachel: Shane's wife. Rachel's a journalist who actually looked up to Nicole (her job as CEO of god knows what puts her in the public eye) but when she finally got to sit with Nicole over lunch, Nicole calls her out for writing an incredibly slut shamey article, claiming that Nicole used her femininity to get her where she is now. This is the first smack in the face that maybe journalism isn't for Rachel. Well that on top of the constant teasing from Shane about her career choices. Shane's family is much more wealthy than Rachel's and he always finds subtle ways to make it known. Shane also pays her no mind, flirting with Olivia and Paula and battling Armond. Even during their arguments (which happens too many times for newlyweds) Shane doesn't look at Rachel and just gives periodic "mhmm"s and "okay"s. Also Rachel hates the Mossbacher family simply because they all seem to be doing better than her.

Now for the boring ones

Tanya McQuoid: An eccentric resort guest (which is a polite way of saying, a weird ass person who is over polite and basically pushes herself into every other character's drama in the most unintentional way, she's also bad at reading the room) She comes off as calm and quiet but we find out that her mother recently passed and she's in Hawaii to spread her mothers ashes. She becomes creepily obsessed with the resort's massage parlor manager, Belinda, after a complimentary massage and suggests becoming a beneficiary so Belinda can open up her own massage parlor. Her "obsession" could possibly just stem from Belinda showing her an act of kindness during a hard time but I know I questioned Tanya's intentions for at least the first two episodes... In episode 4, some random dude, Greg, shows up and invites Tanya to dinner after "accidentally" mistaking her room door for his own. Tanya postpones a business meeting with Belinda so she and Greg can hook up that night. The presence of these characters feel a little out of place. Unlike the Newly Weds and the Mossbacher family, there is not a lot of plot overlap. Tanya will often pop up to converse with the others and brag about Balinda's skills but she doesn't cause any trouble. Tanya's also very wealthy so I definitely thing this "Greg" has some secret plot to take down Tanya or plant something or steal her cash and unfortunately I do not think Belinda will see anything bright in her future. Her plans will be left on the backburner which I say is unfortunate because she's a kind woc who is just trying to do her job and is clearly very skeptical about going into business with this strange, rich white, resort guest.

Honorable Mention

Lani: A Hawaiian native, trainee at the White Lotus. She shows up in episode one as her first day on the job. Later we find out she's also pregnant and goes into a premature labor on the job. She has her baby and disappears for the next three episode. Come back Lani, Armond has just started getting your name right!

Show Themes

The show does touch on conversations of race and class but I would not consider this a political show or one with an agenda (it's satire). I point out the characters of color here because their race becomes a device used to create tension but not in a Token POC kind of way. All the characters are rich and they are shamed for it by the show writers. By this I mean nobody is spitting in their faces and calling them Climate Killers but the choices the characters make, the things they say, and the way they act gives the viewer something to laugh at. Their ignorant entitlement juxtaposing with the beautiful Hawaiian beaches and tragic Hawaiian history creates an underlying experience of, look at these rich people not having a good time and they can't even realize why! As for the characters, there is plenty of time to sit back and question, is this character a good person, who's the real antagonist, how do these stories intertwine, who do we root for What story is attempting to be told here? What is the message!?

[feliix]

Crush Culture ✦ KTH (18+)

✦ Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

✦ Rating: M ✦ Word Count: 14k (screams)

✦ Genre: fluff, angst, smut, fake dating!au

✦ Summary:  Once summer hits and you return to work at the local ice cream shop, you’re swarmed with couples coming in on lovey-dovey on dates. You’ve always hated the idea of relationships and love, but it’s Taehyung’s mission to make you reconsider by the end of the summer.

✦ Warnings: childhood friends 2 lovers, idiots 2 lovers unprotected sex, fingering, pining, soft sex, light mentions of marking, mentions of bad past relationships, Tae is kinda a player but he turns out alright

✦ A/N: a big big thank you to the lovely @hobiance​​ for helping me plan yet another fic and @jinned​ for giving me the much needed support and hyping me up until I finished my first long boi ilysm ♡ also thank you to my lovely beta @jinterlude​ who I would be completely illiterate without! the most beautiful banner you’ve ever seen is made by none other than my baby @koophoriia​ ily bunbunbun

Written for the BHQ Bangtan Boardwalk Collaboration

Taglist: @krystle1990​ @imluckybitches​

“Gross”

Another couple. Probably the 50th overly lovey-dovey pair that you’ve seen this evening alone. The shop is packed full of them on warm nights like this.

To say ‘love’ isn’t really your thing isn’t far from the truth. Relationships suck. Been there, done that.

You always keep the same theory; relationships either end in heartbreak or marriage. And even still, marriage can still end in heartbreak, so what’s the point?

“Stop being dramatic,” Taehyung laughs after catching your snide remark from around the corner. He had just run to the back to get you a fresh package of cups after using up all the stock in the front.

Tonight is busy, to say the least. The sun is setting, and it’s the perfect time for families and couples alike to come in and get a cold and tasty treat, especially on a day as hot as this one. It’s over 100º, and the humidity is doing a real number to your hair.

“It’s not dramatic,” you sigh, leaning on the counter behind you as Taehyung maneuvers around you, placing the cups on the shelf underneath.

It’s just the two of you on the schedule tonight. Your boss is kind of an asshole, leaving 2 ‘kids’ in their early twenties to run the shop by themselves while he went off to do god knows what. Probably at the bar across the street, since his car is still parked in the back, but he’s nowhere to be found. That’s okay though, it's better than having him loom over your shoulder and critique your scooping texture the whole shift.

“Whatever you say,” Taehyung shakes his head.

Unlike yourself, Taehyung is a hopeless romantic, always looking for love in the wrong places. It always seems that his relationships never work out though, which has always confused you – Taehyung is a great guy.

So great that you have been best friends with him for as long as you could remember. It all started that time in pre-k, where you poured a shovel of sand on his head in the sandbox. Initially, it did make him cry, but he got over it eventually. Ever since, he’s been right by your side, sandy hair and all.

“How much longer,” your eyes roll back in your head, neglecting to look at the watch on your wrist in fear that your shift has a significant amount of time left.

“Just under an hour, we should start the closing checklist so we can get outta here,” Tae responds as he reaches for the rag and sanitation bucket.

Nodding your head, you follow his plan – beginning your mission to clean like a speed demon so you can leave at 8 o’clock on the dot. You’ll be damned if a customer comes in at 7:58, but there's always one Karen that comes as you’re about to lock the doors. You hate those Karens.

Lucky for you, closing tonight went as smoothly as it can go. You and Taehyung are ready to go at 8 on the dot, clocking out and locking up behind you.

“So what are we doing tonight?” Taehyung asks, his fingers adjusting the headband that sits just above his forehead.

“I was gonna go home and sleep…” you trail off, avoiding eye contact with him. You know his eyes are much too convincing to look into, and you are beyond exhausted from working a double today.

“Booooo you’re boring,” he teases, stopping in his tracks in the center of the parking lot, “it was an early night we should do something.”

With a deep sigh, you stop as well, turning around to meet his suggestive smirk. He knows he’s about to get his way before you have the chance to argue back with him. So you tilt your head, waiting for him to explain what he has in mind.

“I’ll be at your house by 9.”

And with that, you’re starting the ignition to your car and racing home, carefully, of course.

Taehyung is always spontaneous like this.

After making it home and rushing to get ready, Taehyung was there to pick you up, a few minutes late, but that’s just par for the course. When you end up at your favorite boba spot, you know Taehyung wants to talk about something. He never wants to sit down at a place like this just for small talk, you’ve picked up on his signs and can read him like a book.

But when you finally get your drink and sit at your favorite table in the back corner, he doesn’t say much. It’s almost like he’s waiting for you to speak up. His eyes staring down at his drink instead of sipping it, hands rested in his lap with his lip caught between his teeth. It’s puzzling, slightly, you thought he wanted to hang out tonight and do something adventurous…

The awkward silence and lack of gestures from Taehyung is starting to make you uncomfortable, so you decide to take matters into your own hands.

“How are things going with that girl,” you ask before bringing the straw of your tea to your lips, sipping nonchalantly.

“Oh yeah,” he sighs, his fingertips drumming along the surface of the table, “it didn’t really work out.”

When it comes to Taehyung, relationships never really seem to work out. To say it lightly, he is extremely picky. His last relationship ended because he thought the girl breathed too loudly. The girl before that had an annoying laugh,  and then the one before that bit her nails.

Eventually, his pickiness has become a trend to the point that Taehyung will entertain a girl for a month or so. Then, he'll find something so minuscule within the said girl and turn it into a dealbreaker. The nit-picking things are way too much to move past for Taehyung. It’s clear that he is in search of the ‘perfect woman,’ like that even exists.

“You’re probably better off.”

You don’t think much of the words before they leave your lips. Relationships are a ton of work, is it really worth it to put all your effort into something like that? There is a way to just be happy on your own, you know.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He’s taken back by your statement, his eyebrows furrowing in response as he waits for your answer.

“You know what I think,” you tilt your heat matter-of-factly, “relationships are a waste of time.”

“What is with you and all this ‘anti-love’ stuff anyway?”

His question catches you off guard, a boba bubble almost catching in your throat leaving you a coughing mess. Taehyung chuckles at your discomfort, waiting patiently for you to get it all out and answer his question.

“I’ve wasted too much time with too many dead-beat guys to even think about love,” you sigh again, your coughing fit subsiding as you reach for your boba once again.

“Not all guys are dead-beats, you know.”

His words come out harsh, almost as if he finds your words offensive. Like you are meaning to group him in with all the guys you’ve dated in the past. Which is strange, Taehyung knows that he’s different. For one, you’ve never dated him before and two, if he was such a dead-beat you wouldn’t have kept him around for so long.

You can’t talk to guys, or most people like you talk to Taehyung. He’s the one you rant about the dead-beats to, along with everything else under the sun. He knows all the shit that you don’t tell anyone else, he’s like your own personal human diary. Secrets are always safe with him, it's not like he has anyone who would listen to the gossip even if he wanted to tell.

After a minute of silence Taehyung’s expression changes, his eyes squinting at you in that ‘I have a crazy idea’ type of way. It’s a look that you see often, and you couldn’t say that you would ever be used to it.

“Okay then I’ll make you a deal,” he proposes, a glimmering look in his eye that made you somewhat nervous. You never know what you are getting with Taehyung, but most of the time his ‘deals’ are on the crazier side.

“What is it?” You still ask although you’re a bit nervous to hear his answer. If his plan is to set you up with one of his delinquent friends or something–

“Be my girlfriend.”

Your eyes widen as the words leave his lips, confusion taking over your expression as a small chuckle leaves his lips. He can't be serious…

“Your what?”

“Two weeks is all I’m asking for. Be my girlfriend for just two weeks, and I’ll show you that love isn’t as shitty as you think it is.”

“You’re crazy,” you shake your head, a disbelieving smile stretching wide across your face.

“C’mon Y/N,” he challenges, “it’s two weeks of your life, what else do you have to do?”

The quirk of his eyebrow and quick squint of his eyes grabs your attention. He’s serious about this, scarily serious, and you aren’t quite sure how to react to that.

“What’s in it for you?” Your chin falls into your palm as you stare at him, waiting for his response.

“Well for one,” he starts, a sigh leaving his lips, “I won’t have to listen to you complain about how much relationships suck anymore.”

Just when you don't think you can roll your eyes any further into the back of your head, your own actions surprise you. If looks could kill, the one you’re giving him right now would surely take him out. He doesn’t pay much mind to it though, he’s used to your sass and just shrugs it off.

“This is an awful idea,” you glare at him as if it will change his mind. You’re certain this experiment of his would not change your own. Love sucked, and that was that.

“Two weeks,” his voice carries a taunting tone, his eyebrows wiggling to entice you into his plan. He isn’t going to give up on this easily, you know Taehyung. And Taehyung always gets his way.

“Fine,” you huff, “two weeks and that’s it. And if my mind isn’t changed you owe me 3 more of these,” you say, picking up your tea from the table and shaking it at eye-level for emphasis.

His bottom lip catches between his teeth, satisfied with your response. He isn’t exactly sure how he’ll manage to pull this off, but he’s definitely up for the challenge.

“We start tomorrow at 8, I’ll pick you up after work.”

Crossing your arms over the table, you bury your head in your arms. This is going to be the most interesting two weeks of your entire life.

“So you’re like dating dating?” Lainey’s jaw drops, excitement prevalent on her face as you spill about your night with Taehyung.

Lainey is the only person in your life that understood your hatred for relationships, other than Taehyung of course. Not that she shares the hatred herself, she just heard enough about how much you despise being in one to know how you felt.

Along with Taehyung, Lainey is your best friend. And she’s the only person in this world that you can bear to work a double with on a Saturday.

“That's the plan,” you sigh fiddling with the scoops behind you. It’s pretty slow for a Saturday afternoon, not many customers have come in since you opened up at 11.

That’s the thing about working at an ice cream shop – it sucks when it's slow, and it sucks when it's busy. Though it isn't a miserable job, you at least have Tae and Lainey to keep you company.

The smirk on Lainey’s face hasn’t disappeared since you told her about Taehyung’s deal. She’s shocked that you actually agreed to something like this, especially since it’s with Taehyung. The same Taehyung that ended a 3-month relationship last year because the girl ‘smelled like peaches.’ It’s only a matter of time until Taehyung finds your own deal-breaking trait.

“For the record,” you turn to look at Lainey, a grin still evident on her face, “I don’t think this is gonna change my mind.”

“Y/N,” Lainey whines as she draws out the last syllable of your name, plopping herself down in a chair to pout. “Stop being so…so…”

“So?”

Her face crinkles as she racks her brain for the word, rubbing her temples in hopes that it will come to her. Your eyebrow crooks in response, a slight chuckle leaving your lips as you wait.

“Pessimistic!” Lainey’s face lights up as it finally comes to her. She does have a point. It’s been a while since you actually let anyone in

“You know Taehyung, you never know, maybe something could happen,” her eyebrows lift at the end of her sentence, too suggestively for your own comfort.

“Okay no, that's exactly why this is only two weeks. I know Taehyung, he’ll be over it in 2 weeks.”

“Whatever you say,” the pitch of her voice is raised teasingly. She doesn’t believe this will be a two-week thing.

Lainey has been friends with you and Taehyung for 4 summers now. Once she started working at the ice cream shop with you two it was an automatic connection. Letting her into your little clique with no hesitation, you quickly became 3 peas in a pod.

But Lainey sees a lot of things that you aren’t able to see for yourself. You had grown up with Taehyung, grown accustomed to his unique mannerisms and behaviors without even noticing. Lainey, on the other hand, has a different point of view.

She sees the way Taehyung looks at you and how he hangs on each and every word that leaves your mouth. How he longs to make you laugh, watching you with a growing grin each time a chuckle passes through your lips. She notices every behavior that you see as nothing more than ‘friendly.’ But who is she to say? So, for now, the information remains tucked away and stored in her mind for a later date.

Your fingers drum on the glass cover of the freezer beneath you, leaning against it as you wait for a customer to come in. All this time with nothing to do is really doing wonders for your imagination; thinking about what Taehyung has planned for the two of you to do tonight. Nothing special, you hope, he really doesn’t need to go all out for this.

“He’s picking me up after work”

“Oooh he’s picking you up?”

“Shut up,” your eyes roll at her teasing nature, growing slightly embarrassed by how giddy it’s making you. It’s just Taehyung, and you are just hanging out like you do every other night.

The rest of you shift flies by – it always does when you work with Lainey. Before you know it, the closing checklist is coming to an end, only a few steps left before you can finally get out of here. The clock had just turned to 7:55 pm, but Taehyung still isn’t here. Not that you’re expecting him to be on time or anything, this is still the same Taehyung you have always known.

What you aren’t familiar with is the nervous butterflies fluttering around in your tummy as the clock approaches 8pm.  What are you even nervous about? It isn’t a blind date, other than the fact that you have no idea what you’re doing. And it isn’t even a date. It’s Taehyung for crying out loud.

Speaking of the devil, the chimes in the front of the shop ring as Taehyung passes through the doorway. You don’t see who it is at first, your back turns to the door as you sweep behind the counter. The chimes ringing at this time of night do trigger your fight or flight instincts though, ready to turn to whoever is approaching and give them a dirty look for coming in this close to closing time.

But once you turn around and see Taehyung standing in the doorway with a bouquet of sunflowers, your tension quickly subsides. You swear that you can feel your heart skip a beat, heat rising to your cheeks as you try your hardest to form a manageable sentence. It's okay that you aren’t able to, though, the surprised look on your face is enough for his own to light up and beam across the room.

“I’m here to pick up the pretty girl with the coffee ice cream stain on her shirt,” he chuckles, his bottom lip catching between his teeth.

He dressed a lot nicer than usual attire; a dress shirt with a loose pair of slacks dressing his slim figure. His hair is light too, much different than the dark brown curls that frame his face. He’s really going all out for this – and you’re wearing a pair of running shorts and an ice cream stained t-shirt.

Lainey is just as stunned as you are, frozen in her spot with her jaw practically on the floor. She looks at you with wide eyes, her eyebrows raising as a smug expression crosses her face. You look in her direction, about to ask if she’s alright to finish closing on her own, but before you’re able to say anything she’s already shooing the two of you out the door.

With a goofy grin displayed across his face, he hands you the bundle of flowers, tied together with a delicate white ribbon. You mumble a thank you, still stunned that he showed up here looking like that to take you out tonight. So he is the romantic type, note taken.

“You like nice,” you gulp nervously. It already feels like a date and you haven’t even left the parking lot yet. If this is how things are going to start you had an exciting 13 more days ahead of you...

“As do you,” he smirks, his eyes wandering down to the small brown stains littering your shirt. Eyes narrowing, you read the expression crossing his face – of course, he’s joking. “I brought you some fresh clothes to change into don’t worry.”

Relief rushes through your body as the words leave his lips.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

An interesting yet on-brand response from Taehyung. He’s a big fan of surprises – as long as he’s not on the receiving end.

The drive to your destination seems long. You aren’t quite sure how long you’ve been on your way; between the agile back seat changing of clothes, which you are surprisingly skilled at, and the anticipation coursing through your veins, you’ve lost track of time All you know is that you’ve been driving through backroads for at least 15 minutes, and the destination doesn’t seem anywhere near.

“This is it.” The car pulls into a small dirt parking lot, dimly lit by some dingy street lights that aren’t doing such a great job illuminating things. Your eyebrow crooks unintentionally – this was it?

Your eyes wander outward as Taehyung parks the car, unable to see anything further than a 10-foot radius.

“Where are we?” The question leaves your lips in a worried fashion. Trees surround the parking lot on all three-sides, while the road you've pulled in from occupies the fourth-side. You’re hesitant to get out of the car, but as Taehyung rounds the front and opens the door for you, you’re on your way out. He motions for you to hold on as he pops the trunk – returning with a blanket and a reusable shopping bag filled with god knows what.

He still hasn’t given an answer to your question though, and you still aren’t quite sure where you are. If It was lighter out you assume it would be beautiful here, all the greenery dark and shadows hovering over you from the trees.

The bright light from his cell phone flashlight lights up the way, a path on your right

“Hell no,” your arms cross over your chest as you stand still in your place. He’s out of his mind if he thinks you’re going into the woods this late at night. You’ve seen enough horror films, stuff like this never ends well.

“C’mon, it’s not as bad as it looks,” Taehyung laughs at your pouting manner, amusement filling his system as you glue your feet to the ground of the parking lot. His puppy dog eyes plead for you to follow him, a hand outreaching in your direction for the taking. You contemplate it for a moment, your eyes narrowing as you ponder the possible outcomes of the situation before you.

“Fine,” you huff as you take his hand in yours.

His hand feels different in yours this time. His long fingers lacing between your smaller ones in the perfect fit that you’ve neglected to notice before. You’ve held his hand before, platonically though. This time it’s platonic too though, right? It’s just a date. A platonic date between two friends. Two friends who are dating on a two week trial period. So yes, it is strictly platonic. Right?

The dirt path doesn’t drag on for too long, but the sounds of bugs ticking and twigs breaking beneath your feet is enough to startle you. Every scared and breathy gasp that  leaves your mouth is followed by a small fit of laughter from Taehyung. At least one of you is amused.

But the dirt path soon turns rocky, a clearing becoming more and more noticeable as Taehyung’s flashlight brightens the way ahead of you. The rows of trees come to an end as the ground flattens, a giant slab of rock lying beneath your feet. Out ahead of you is completely dark, and until you approach the darkness you don’t notice that you’re just a few yards away from the edge of a cliff. A river lies below the edge, the sound of water rushing fills your ears and calms your nerves. It is quiet out here, peaceful and without distraction.

Taehyung stands back as you admire the scenery around you – your own phone flashlight now out and panning around to look at the view. It’s beautiful out here, nothing to worry about but the sounds of the water and whatever Taehyung is doing behind you…

You couldn’t have zoned out for more than 2 minutes, but once you turn back around to face him a picnic blanket lies on the ground before you. Snacks scatter the extent of the fabric, a few candles placed in the center

“You really went all out for this, huh?” A nervous laugh leaves your lips before you swallow harshly. Never in your life has a guy ever gone all out like this for you. A late-night picnic at a secret location, fixed with all of your favorite snacks and some candles for ambiance.

“Had to,” he smiles, “it’s our first date.”

You join him on the blanket, grabbing for a bag of popcorn as you sit down. Maybe relationships wouldn’t suck so much if all men treated you like this…

Woah woah woah. It’s just Taehyung. Taehyung who already knows all your favorite things to eat. He’s just trying to be convincing – to prove to you that men take you on dates, do nice things. But stuff like this never lasts. Two weeks from now you’ll be going back to the same old Tae and Y/N friendship that you’ve always had.

The conversation goes on as normal tonight, he doesn’t make any moves (as expected, it’s Taehyung) and you enjoy the view and calm atmosphere with your fake but not so fake boyfriend. You stay out on the cliff for a few more hours before he takes you home. Taehyung put a lot of effort into making tonight special, and you appreciate him for that. But even after all his effort, you know that real relationships aren’t like this.

Every guy you’ve dated would try to woo you over in the beginning too. They call it the honeymoon stage for a reason. Things are always great in the beginning, lavish gifts and dates, loving gestures. That kind of thing never lasts. Soon the effort runs out, the guy gets bored of putting the work in, and they end up sleeping with your freshman year roommate. Well, at least that's how it is for you.

The bundle of sunflowers Taehyung gave to you earlier on in the night sits on the end table next to your bed. Each time you look at them all you can picture is the goofy grin he sported as he stood at the entrance of the ice cream shop. It replays in your mind like a movie. How he dressed up all spiffy just to take you out. How he took you to a spot only he knew about, somewhere so off-site and serene that he knew you’d remain uninterrupted. You can’t help but wonder if he’s using the same old tricks on you that he does to other girls though. If he only knew about that place because he’s taken someone there before.

Not that it matters though, you aren’t his real girlfriend. You’re just on a trial period. But for some reason the thought that he might have brought another girl to the same spot before doesn’t sit well with you.

“Sooooo,” Lainey teases, her chin falling into her palm as she leans on the freezer before her, “how was your date with Y/N?”

Taehyung chuckles at her nosiness, he’s sure you’ve already told her all about it. There are no secrets left between you two. Even sometimes Taehyung felt like the odd man out around you both.

“It was good.”

Taehyung keeps his answer short, leaving the rest up to her imagination. He isn’t one to kiss and tell or to not kiss and tell either. Things are better that way.

“Just good?” Lainey challenges, knowing there is much more that he’s leaving out. Her eyes narrow as she waits for his response. You haven’t told her anything about last night, not even where you went after he picked you up. Things are radio silent on your end.

Taehyung glances back at her, contemplating whether or not he should spill the beans.It would be nice to have someone else to confide in since it's always you on the receiving end of his secrets; however, this is the one secret that you can't know.

He chews on his bottom lip pensively, if anyone knows what’s on your mind, it would be Lainey. Not that Taehyung is looking to pry, he just has no indication to how you feel about last night, or about him.

Before Taehyung can even open his mouth to speak, a knowing smirk is spread wide across Lainey’s face. It’s that kind of look that makes him nervous – she knows something.

“You like her,” she muses, tossing her hair over her shoulder as the words catch in the air. It’s out there now, and it’s obvious. Well, maybe not obvious, but clear as day to Lainey – and that is more than enough to make Taehyung worry.

“I don’t,” He denies her claim, his willpower too strong to give into her.

“Oh yeah? Why do you self sabotage every one of your relationships then?”

Her words catch Taehyung off guard, his jaw clenching harshly as an annoyed breath is forced out of his nostrils. He wants to deny her claim once again, but he can’t bring himself to keep brushing off these feelings that have had a grip on him ever since he was young.

Lainey is right too. He does sabotage each relationship that comes his way. Taehyung goes out of his way to find something wrong with each girl he dates. He can never admit it to himself, but in the back of his mind, he knows that it's the fact that none of those girls are you.

“It’s written all over your face every time you look at her you know?”

Was he really that obvious? Did it show that much whenever he was around you?

“What do you mean?” Taehyung clarifies, the small once of hope bearing weight in his chest that Lainey is just joking around. That she doesn’t actually know the one thing he’s been holding onto for so long.

She doesn’t have to respond for him to know the answer. The quirk of her eyebrow and knowing expression on her face says enough.

“Well you can’t tell her,” he sighs, hand gripping harshly on the countertop as he stares down at the black and white checkered floors. Lainey turns to look at him staring down in distress, a sympathetic glance directed at him. He’s worried you’ll find out.

You can’t find out. If you do, then all bets will be off. Once you know Taehyung’s feelings for you there is no way that you’ll let your little arrangement continue. He knows you only agreed to this because there is nothing between you romantically, or at least as far as you know.

Lainey bears her weight on the cooler behind her, leaning comfortably on the cool glass. “I want her to be done with this ‘I hate love thing’ just as much as you do,” her fingers mock air quotes as she continues, “Want me to be honest?”

“Please.”

“I think you might be the only one who can change her mind.”

Taehyung’s heart skips a beat as the words leave her mouth. Blood rushes to his ears, pumping like a snare drum as he considers what she just said. He’s confused as to what she means. You agreed to fake-date him, but you still hate love.

A comfortable silence fills the air, Lainey watching him as his lips roll between his teeth as he’s deep in thought. Change your mind. The words repeat in his mind like a broken record. That’s what he’s trying to do, for the right reasons; so that you won’t be so miserable. But behind those selfless reasons come with smaller selfish ones. He gets to be with you as more than a friend now, and although it’s nothing more than some kind of test run, he can’t help but feel like this can be something more too.

“Like you think…” he gulps, clearing his throat as the words stutter out of his mouth, “I could get her to fall for me?”

The lack of response that Lainey gives is ominous, but the raise of her eyebrows and toothy grin forming on her face needs no words to tell. If anyone is to change your mind, it’ll be Taehyung.

That night Taehyung took you to the drive-in movies. To be quite honest, you couldn’t really recall what was playing, some Pixar film with bugs as the main character if you can recall it correctly. You were far too distracted laughing with Taehyung, watching as young kids played around on a grassy patch near his car. The giggles that left his lips each time the little girl waved to him were music to your ears. You never noticed how much he loved kids, how good he was with them.

The image of his hands clasped together as he fawned over the little girl, picking dandelions in the grass and racing to place them by your feet was burned into your memory. The boxy grin that graced his face all night long. The way his eyes squinted from his cheeks, pushing up as he smiled so big. The whispers of the word ‘cute’ each time her pigtails bounced while she toddled away.

Missing the movie doesn't disappoint you. If anything, the memories you've saved from tonight are more than enough.

The next night you were unable to go out, the shop was so busy that you were not able to leave until an hour and a half after your shift was supposed to end. Some punk kid dropped 2 cones on the floor on his way out and decided it would be best to leave them there without cleaning anything up. Maybe if it hadn’t been so busy then you would have noticed the spill before it dried up and stuck to the tile floors.

Naturally, you spent a good 15 minutes trying to mop up all the stickiness on the floor. But to your luck, Taehyung is working with you that night. Once all the customers left the shop he hooked his phone up to the speakers, grabbed your hands, and danced you around the shop. Well, it was supposed to be dancing but it probably looked more like Taehyung swinging your arms as you attempted to not trip over your own feet.

It makes up for not getting to go out though, and you’d take a night like that over a fancy dinner any chance you got. 

It’s been 12 days since you became Taehyung‘s girlfriend, and as the remaining days decreased, so did your hatred for love. Each night he planned something special. The real kicker was the texts that you get once he makes it home from dropping you off every night. A simple ‘I had a great time tonight’ was enough to make your heart swell and heat rise to your cheeks.

And as you notice your hatred for love and relationships leaving you, you notice another feeling enter your system. Or several feelings…

Things are getting just as sticky as the night two when ice cream cones landed on the shop floor face down, sprinkles and all. Spending time with Taehyung like this is bringing some things to the surface you didn’t know were buried in the first place.

Every night that you spent with Taehyung over the past 12 days allowed you to see him in a new light. You got to see him on a different level than just friends. You got to see what every girl that fawns over Taehyung experiences.

Something about your friendship never let you jump past that barrier. You only see him as a dear friend of yours. Nothing more and nothing less. And now the issue is that...you aren’t sure how you’ll ever go back to see him as such.

You like Taehyung as more than a friend, that's for sure. And you know because of that things will never be able to go back to the way they once were.

Maybe you're reading too much into it, but your gut is telling you that you aren't the only one feeling this way.

The feeling of butterflies that pound in your stomach each time you meet eyes with him has to be reciprocated. There is just no way you can be feeling this way and he isn’t.

This isn’t like the feelings you’ve caught for any guy before, this is something else. Every night when you go home you lay in bed, staring at your ceiling with a dumb grin on your face as you think about your time together, about him. About the way his black curly hair falls in front of his eyes each time he looks down and how his smile lights up every room he was in.

These things that you were so blind to before can’t escape your thoughts, and it makes you wonder how many times or things you’ve looked over that make you melt, just like you are right now.

But in just 2 days, this trial-boyfriend period will be over, and you’ll have to go back to being just friends. Each day, each hour, each minute that approaches feels heavier and heavier. Anxiety floods your system each time you think about things being over, or that this arrangement you have isn’t even real.

When you think about the growing feelings you have for him, you honestly can't imagine what your life will be like any other way. What it would be like going back to just hanging out here and there. And what it would be like

You can’t even fathom thinking about what it would be like hearing him talk about another girl again. It makes you sick thinking that there's going to be someone after you, because in just 5 days this will be all over, and you’ll go back to being the girl best friend, nothing more.

Maybe it’s just wishful thinking that Taehyung has more feelings for you too. But the glimmer in his eyes as his bangs brush out of his eyes and they land on you tells a different story. When he looks at you it feels like you are the only two people on earth. He sees nothing else but you, and the way your eyes sparkle back at him.

Each day you spend with Taehyung after that feels like a wrench tightening the screws of your heart. 14 days is just not enough.

“Earth to Y/N” Lainey says waving a hand in your face. You must have zoned out, for god knows how long.

“Thinking about Tae?”

“What,” she catches you off guard, straightening your posture and brushing yourself off before responding to her, “no…just thinking.”

“Right,” the sarcasm drips from her lips, turning away from you as she wipes off a table in the front.

For personal reasons, you’ve kept Lainey out of the loop during this whole fake-boyfriend Taehyung thing. It’s better if you keep your feelings to yourself until you figure them out. And although it feels really really strange not giving Lainey the intel on what’s going on in your life, you know it’s for your own good.

Once you put what is in your head out into the world, you can’t take it back. What if you are just in the honeymoon-phase? If these feelings for Taehyung are only because he’s trying his best to woo you, and then they’ll just fade away as things return back to normal.

Something in you tells you that this isn't the case, but the small shadow of doubt in the back of your mind keeps you from talking to your best friend about it anyway.

The thing is, you don't have to tell Lainey for her to know. Every time Tae picks you up from work to take you out you shine. Your smile spreads so wide she’s afraid your cheeks will tear. The nervous shake of your fingers as you grab for your belongings as you head out the door doesn’t go unnoticed in Lainey’s eyes. She knows you too well to look over things like this, she just wanted to wait for you to say something first.

But now that you aren’t, Lainey has decided to take matters into her own hands, asking you about it herself.

“Lainey,” you start, waiting for her attention before you pull out a stool, sitting down and motioning for her to follow suit. She does, a questioning but knowing look evident on her face as she joins you. “You know how this thing between Taehyung and I is just an experiment or whatever?”

She nods in response, her hand quickly falling into her palm as she listens intently to your words.

“I think I messed up.” Your head is buried in your arms, laid over the tabletop in embarrassment.

“What do you mean?”

Her question is more for clarification, she wants to hear you say it herself. She knows that you’re gonna tell her you caught feelings. She sees it coming from a mile away, you confirming it is just the icing on the ice cream cake.

“Don’t make me say it,” you whine, neglecting to pick your head up and look at her. You can feel the grin on her face. You know she's smirking at you right now, doing her best to hold back a laugh. Finally, you got over your ‘I hate love and relationships suck’ thing.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about,” she sings, quite obviously teasing you while another deep sigh echoes from your chest. You manage to pick your head up, leaning onto your elbows with your chin caught between your palms as you face her.

“I like him.”

It comes out as a whisper, but Lainey hears it loud and clear. If you didn’t know better, you’d assume that the smile on her face can't grow any larger, but it does. She jumps up from her chair in victory, doing a funny dance with her arms whooping in the air to celebrate. You’re confused as to why, but you’re too far in your own thoughts to pay it any mind; your head just sinks back into your arms as your forehead presses against the cold metal table beneath you.

“I knew it,” Lainey smiles, her happy dance subsiding as she sits back down across from you. “I knew this fake dating thing was gonna work.

“Yeah well it really worked, because now I have feelings for a guy that’s never gonna reciprocate them for me.”

Your tone is laced with sarcasm, a disappointing ring outlining each of your words. You’re too embarrassed to look at the girl sitting before you, worried that if you do all the emotions you’ve been holding onto for so long will spill over and stain your stone-cold image; one you’ve maintained for far too long.

But Lainey’s your best friend. The only one that you should be comfortable being vulnerable about your feelings for Taehyung with; for some reason all you can’t bring yourself to be.

Before you can get a grip on your emotions tears are streaming down your face, falling onto the cold metal surface under you in small puddles. 

A sympathetic sigh leaves Lainey’s lips as she tries to gain your attention, “Hey.”

Inhaling deeply, you face her – mascara strewn across your face in black streaks and eyes nearly bloodshot. You’ve held this in for far too long. Only a double would tire you out and exhaust you enough to cry on the clock. Thank God it’s a rainy day, no customers ever come in on rainy days.

Or at least, no customers usually come in on rainy days. It's not until you hear the bells on the front door ring that you’re wiping your eyes, whipping around to greet whoever was entering.

And then you see him, standing there as he shakes out his umbrella, a bouquet of sunflowers in his hand.

And he sees you; mascara running down your face and tears staining your cheeks. He’s early. Your stomach turns at the sight of him, emotions not stable enough to handle carry a normal conversation like  

“Y/N,” his voice is quiet, worry dripping in his tone as your name leaves his lips. But you can’t face him right now, not like this.

Your feet move faster than you mind, standing up and rushing to the back to avoid him. Taehyung doesn’t follow you, just stands there and watches you walk away, solemn and worried that he’s done something. 

It’s not until Lainey is rising from her seat and pacing over to him that he’s brought back to reality.

“Taehyung,” she starts, hands coming up slowly to console him, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be here right now.”

“Wh-What’s wrong?” His lip worries between his teeth, eyes glossy as he stares at the door you just closed behind you. He’s looking at it intently, mind flooding with worry, wishing so badly that the door will just fly open, and you’ll tell him what was going on. In the back of his mind, he knows that you won’t, at least not for now. Talking about emotions has never been your strong suit, and chances of that changing at this moment are at an all-time low.

Lainey is unsure how to answer him, caught in between not wanting to lie and keeping your feelings private. She doesn’t want to speak for you; but she’s scared of saying something that can make this situation worse.

Her mouth gapes as she searches for a response to his question, lips opening and closing and she hums to find the right words. They don’t come.

The umbrella hanging from Taehyung’s hand drops with a crash, starling Lainey as she jumps at the sudden sound. But before she is even able to speak, the bell to the front door is ringing again, and Taehyung is walking away into the pouring rain.

The next day you wake up feeling numb. You’ve received several texts from Taehyung the night before, none of which you have the energy to reply to or even look at for that matter.

The guilt riddling your body has become too much for you to handle. You left work last night without even saying goodbye to Lainey. She’s a good enough friend and coworker to know that what you’re going through is more important than working the counter at an ice cream shop. 

After Taehyung left she came back and let you know; she almost had to break down the door to the backroom in order for you to let her in. She told you to go home, get some rest and that you’d talk tomorrow.

But after waking up the last thing you want to do is talk about Taehyung; to think about him.

Every time you thought about how your arrangement was supposed to end in just a few days you felt sick. You have worked so hard to open up just to build your walls back up again. And now you’re back at square one.

When you agreed to be Taehyung’s girlfriend you did not expect to fall for him like this. He’s Taehyung. He’s your personal diary, the one who knows all the shit that nobody else knows and listens to all the shit that no one else cares about.

Feelings ruin everything. Love sucks, and you knew this before you agreed. You agreed under the circumstances that Taehyung could show you that relationships could be fun; not under the circumstances that he would make you fall in love with him,

And the more that you think about it, maybe you were always in love with him. Maybe you always had these feelings for him, but they were trapped in the tight bonds of friendship that your subconscious never let you out.

But none of that even mattered now. The deal had to be off, and you need to distance yourself from Taehyung before you are hurt any worse. The longer this goes on the worse that you are going to feel when it's all over.

How are you supposed to go back to normal after this? Like is Taehyung thinking that showing you how amazing relationships are, you won't fall for him or something? Or does his true plan consist of making you fall in love with him, just to string you along like every other girl he's dated?

You’re trapped in the never-ending spiraling thoughts, soiling your image of Taehyung with each new theory that crosses your mind. None of them are good. All of them paint him as a player, as someone who just used you.

But the little thump in your heart when you notice the sunflowers placed on your bedside table wants your mind to change. Your heart wants you to believe that Taehyung feels something too, that throughout this arrangement he has seen a different side to you too – that he’s fallen for you just like you have for him.

It's a knock at your door that guides you out of your thoughts. The repetitive tapping at your front door that drags you out of bed. And when you check your peephole and it's no one else, but your small blonde best friend standing on your doorstep that has relief rushing through your system.

The door cracks open, Lainey standing there with an umbrella in her hand – even though it was nearly 100º with clear skies.

“Why are you still in your pajamas? It's noon.”

She pushes past you and to your living room, plopping down on your couch and making herself comfortable as she waits for you to join. You spin on your heels, an exhausted breath leaving your mouth as you pace over to her, plopping down beside her.

“Why the umbrella?” Your brow furrows as she hands it over. You take it though, still confused behind the meaning of the object that you're holding and where it came from.

“It’s Taehyung’s.”

You nearly drop it as his name leaves her lips. The name causes your stomach to tighten, mouth-drying instantly as emotions well behind your eyes.

“Why?” Is all you can mutter out. Why was she giving it to you, why was she here, and why did she have it?

“You need to bring it back to him.” She says sternly, her eyes locked on you as she waits for you to look back at her. But you’re too focused on the umbrella placed gently in your hands, tracing your finger over every wire and the soft rubber handle.

“I can’t.” Your words come out in a whisper, breath light and airy as you sigh, sinking your body back into the couch cushions. Giving the umbrella back to Taehyung will mean that you have to go see him. And if you see him, he’s going to want to talk to you about last night, then question you about why you haven’t been returning his texts. No. You will not be giving Taehyung his umbrella back.

“Y/N,” your name leaves her mouth gently, a sigh following it before she reached for you, rubbing your arm comfortingly before continuing, “I think you need to talk to him.”

“Lainey,” you let out an annoyed sigh, “you know I can’t do that.”

You’re serious in your words. Not that you don’t want to talk to him. If you could, you would, but you can’t. There are too many emotions involved. The wound is fresh and seeing him would be rubbing salt right into it.

“Y/N,” she sighs, this time more forceful, she’s trying to get something across to you but it's going right over your head. “Talk to him. Please.”

“You know I’m going to end up hurt if I do.”

Tears well in your eyes as the words croak from your throat. It's dry and scratchy, full of fear and anxiety.

“I think you’d be surprised,” she mumbles, her eyes instantly widening on realizing the words that just escaped.

Eyes wide with confusion, they’re begging her to go on, but if she does then Taehyung won’t be the only one in deep shit right now. You can’t know what she knows.

“What do you mean I’ll be surprised?”

“I have to go,” she stands instantly, motioning to the umbrella, “and you need to bring this back.”

With a slight ruffle to your hair, Lainey is giving you a supporting smile and waving goodbye. And you’re left alone once again – just you and Taehyung’s blue umbrella.

It takes a lot of courage to get ready today. You make sure to take your sweet time rummaging through your closet, flipping through articles of clothing for the better half of an hour. At the end, you opt to go with a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt. There isn't enough energy in your body to put on anything else, and you know you’ll just want to curl back up in bed once you get home. Sweatpants are safe, and safe is just what you need.

No makeup today either. If things are anything like you’re expecting, your makeup will just end up ruined anyway. It's your better judgment to shower though, you’ve neglected to take one after work last night; opting to just bury yourself under your covers as soon as you got back. But today is a new day. And with a fresh shower and your comfiest pair of sweatpants, you are about as ready as you’ll ever be to get your heart broken into a billion pieces. 

Umbrella in hand, you step out onto your front steps, relishing in your last few moments of ignorant bliss before making your way to Taehyung’s. You immediately regret your wardrobe decision as the sun beats down on your frame, the humidity making you feel sticky and gross – your favorite pants are  no match for this heat.

But you’re on your way to your destination anyway, the drive feeling longer and more drawn out than normal. Taehyung didn’t live that far away from you, but the ride there still felt like an eternity with each theoretical scenario passing your mind. 

Dragging your feet, you make your way to the front steps of his house. You’ve been here a million times, but today is different. From now on, every time you drive past this place all you’ll know is heartache.

You brush yourself off, taking a deep breath before bringing your hand up and pushing the doorbell. The sudden ringing sound startles you, even though you have every indication that it’s coming – you’re just too nervous and jumpy for your own good.

Footsteps approach the door, your stomach tightening more and more with the muffled pitter-patter of footsteps. You’re praying to God that it’s his mom, hoping that Taehyung just so happens to be out – even though his car is in plain sight parked just a few meters away from you. Wishful thinking, you suppose.

When the door to his house opens, you struggle to maintain your composure. He’s dressed similarly to you; a pair of sweats and an old sports t-shirt that has definitely seen better days.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

His eyes are sunken in, dark circles dragging underneath his eyes and his lips pulled downwards. He looks like a sad puppy, his dark hair all scruffy and sticking up in each direction – probably from him running his hands through it so many times. 

“I came to give you this,” you extend the umbrella out before you. He nods before taking hold of it, his hand far at the opposite end making sure not to keep his distance. The more you look at him, the more sorry you feel for dodging his texts. He looks like he hasn’t slept a wink, and you’re afraid it’s all because of you.

“Oh...uh, thanks,” he struggles to make eye contact with you, looking down at the object in his hand. 

It’s awkward, uncomfortable, and you can’t seem to find the words to say to break this strange tension between the two of you. He’s acting weird, shifting his weight back and forth but not moving away to close the door. His mind is racing once again – contemplating whether or not to just invite you in or leave it at that.

But with every aching bone in his body, he musters up the courage to lift his head, looking you directly in the eyes. Their dark like his, definitely from the lack of sleep you had the night before. Your mouth is turned downward too; hands fiddling together to try and distract yourself.

“D-Do you wanna come in?” He stutters, stepping aside slowly as he gestures towards his house. He suddenly worries when you don’t respond right away, taking a second to contemplate if this is a good idea or not. Ripping off the band-aid is never easy, but it needs to be done.

“Sure,” is the word that you decide on – hoping that it doesn’t make you seem disinterested or too desperate to talk. Maybe he’s just being kind though. Maybe it’s an empty offer, something that you say when you’re trying to be nice, but subconsciously hope that they won’t take you up on it. Like when you offer to share your food with someone, but you’re really hungry. You do it to be nice, not because you actually want to split the delicious looking burger and fries on your plate.

He leads you inside and to his bedroom. It looks the same as always, but it feels different. It still smells like him though, the comforting woodsy scent of pine and mahogany that he always reaches for. But that comforting scent is anything but comfortable. You’re frozen in place, unsure if you should sit on his bed and make yourself at home, much like every other time in the past. For now you just stand in the doorframe, waiting for him to tell you to take a seat, just like any polite guest would. A guest. You have never felt like a guest in his home before, or around Taehyung in general. But that imaginary wall between the two of you is standing tall and sturdy, and suddenly the two of you are reverted back to being strangers.

You watch as he toys with something on his desk, his fingers dancing from object to object and sifting through papers to look busy. The point of it – unknown to you but to him, he’s buying time. Trying to think of the first thing to say, what to ask, or if you even wanted to talk. Maybe you only agreed to come inside to be nice. Maybe you were too worried about hurting his feelings if you said no. But alas, here you are, standing awkwardly in his doorway as he shuffles around his room, his brain flooding with thoughts – but his mouth can not form them into audible words.

“I’m sorry for ignoring your texts.”

Your voice catches his attention, dropping whatever paper he’s looking at now and turning his gaze to you. You’re sunken into yourself, your chest thumping with anxiety as his eyes begin to wander your frame. Not in a ‘I’m checking you out’ manner though; more of a ‘you look so sad and I don’t know what to say to you right now’ kind of way. 

It’s true though, he doesn’t know what to say – which is why he’s staring at you, hoping the right words would just pop up and he didn’t have to use any brain-power at all. He doesn’t want to say ‘it's okay,’ because it's not. You never ignore his texts, and that alone tells him enough about what's going on. You are upset at him.

“What did I do wrong, Y/N?”

His words sound accusatory but his tone is soft, gentle and full of worry. Eyes swollen and looking like they are about to fill to the brim with tears, his sight is focused on you; now not able to look away.

“I-I don’t know…”

Your answer is honest. You don’t know if his intentions are dirty. Yeah, that’s what you thought initially, but looking at him with such hurt written all over his face tells a different story. 

Taehyung is silent, unsure of what more he can do or say to make you talk to him. He can’t force you to open up, he never has and he never will – that’s always been his rule. Everything you’ve shared with him has been on your own terms and conditions. Taehyung has always been here to be your listening ear, but he never pries.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

His voice is soft, eyes full of sympathy as he holds himself together. Those were the words he has been looking for. Now the ball is in your court and you’ll have to be the one leading the conversation. It’s just what he needed to figure this shit out.

“I-I don’t know.”

“Y/N,” he sighs as he drops himself down onto the mattress, “I shouldn’t have to say this for you to know it, but you know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

You do know that. You really, really do. But this time things are different. Is he expecting you to just come out and speak your truth like there won’t be consequences? No, he won’t push you to tell him anything you don’t want to. But the worry in his eyes and clammy hands are begging for you to just let it out so he can stop being in the dark.

You sigh out an ‘okay’ before sitting down beside him. 

Rip the band-aid off Y/N. Quick and painless.

His eyes narrow, almost to a squint, staring right through you in hopes of reading your thoughts. Your expression is nothing but blank as you try your best to gain some sort of composure. Do you just speak up and spill your guts? The words replay in your mind over and over until your thoughts are beat down and misshapen. 

You can picture his face when you say it; disgusted with a trace of disappointment and some confusion spread into the mix. Or maybe he’ll laugh at how pathetic you were, catching feelings for your fake boyfriend.

That’s it. There’s no way you can tell him. It would be much easier to just get up and leave. Tell him to pretend like none of this ever happened and that you needed some time to cool off. A few months maybe, or maybe you could just ghost him entirely. 

“Y/N?”

The sound of his voice breaks you out of your toxic thoughts, and his chocolate brown eyes bring you back down to earth. You can’t just leave him in the dust. He’s looking at you like you’re the only thing that exists. Things will be okay, right?

“Sorry, sorry,” you exhale deeply as you calm your thoughts; shifting the nasty scenarios out and accepting that whatever happens after this conversation is your fate. 

“Taehyung, I-I guess I wasn’t expecting this boyfriend-girlfriend thing we’re doing to go like this.”

His brow quirks at your words, confusion riddling his expression as his eyes narrow. With a tilt of his head, he’s pushing you to continue, visibly riddled with your choice of words.

“Swear you’ll be honest when I ask you this?” You question him, your hand moving closer to his as you lean in slightly. He’s like a magnet, you can’t help yourself from moving closer; even though the proximity of the two of you is clouding your thoughts and you can feel your heart beginning to swell.

He nods in response to your question, his eyes full of concern as he waits for you to continue, “Why did you ask me to do this thing?”

He knows that a question like this was coming, only if he could have prepared for it. But he didn’t, so his throat is left dry and scratchy as his mouth opens, only to stutter a bit before closing it back up. No coherent thoughts or words are able to escape his lips, just nonsense mumbling that caught himself off guard.

With a deep breath, he closes his eyes, regaining his composure before he can face you again. He agreed to be honest, and if honesty is what you want, honesty is that you’ll get.

“I’m sorry.” That’s all that he can say. 

Oh no. This is exactly what you were expecting before you came here. He’s gonna tell you that he didn’t mean to mess with your emotions, that he felt you catching feelings and got carried away. That he’s sorry that he ruined your friendship and played you like a violin all at once.

“Me too.”

You don’t know why you’re apologizing, but you are. It feels wrong. Absolutely utterly, and undoubtedly wrong. Apologizing for your own feelings is not something that you are okay with. Especially when he made you fall for him like this. Okay so maybe thinking that is giving him too much power, but who the hell takes you out on dates for nearly 2 weeks straight just to laugh about it later. How can he expect you to not catch feelings for him? With his deep voice and fluffy hair that always hangs in front of his eyes, that little giggle he has when he finds something amusing. Everything about him was attractive. And you’ve fallen for it all. Hard.

“Wait, why are you sorry?”

A scoff escapes your mouth unintentionally, but it’s well deserved. “For being the idiot to fall for a guy that was playing her, I guess.”

You can’t look at him any longer, so your eyes fall to your lap, staring at your chipped nail polish and dirty fingernails instead of reading whatever dumb expression he has now. But if you just took a second to look up, you’d notice the widening of his eyes, how his fingers are beginning to shake and his mouth gape. 

“Wh-What?”

“Don’t make me say it again Taehyung, I don’t feel like sounding stupid one more time.”

“No no I heard you, it's just,” his eyes slam shut, angry at himself that he let things get this far without keeping you in the loop. 

You’ve been telling him that you hate love for years now. After hearing it so many times, he’d just given up on the thought of you. Maybe if he said something before you went through all those shitty guys things could have been different. But he’s let this go on for far too long, and now you’re the one that was paying the price. 

“Y/N, I have feelings for you.”

Your neck nearly breaks with how fast your head snaps up. He’s the one looking away now, his cheeks a bit rosy as he tries to hide himself. He isn’t doing a very good job though, his hair is only shadowing his eyes and you can clearly see the way he’s nervously chewing on his lip; a cute habit you have grown fond of these past couple of weeks.

If he didn’t look like he does right now, you’d assume he was messing around. But you know Taehyung. You know his small little gestures and what they mean by now. You know when he’s being serious and when he’s telling a lie. He can look someone dead in the eye and lie to them, but when he tells the truth, he becomes shy and worried that he’s said the wrong thing. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You ask softly, gently reaching for his hand. The subtle contact makes him flinch, reacting by pulling your hand away. But his eyes meet your sympathetic ones, sparkling just like they always do, and he knows what he wants.

Taehyung’s hand reaches back for yours, lacing his fingers through yours before giving your hand a light squeeze. “You hate relationships,” he chuckles lightly, the mood of the room instantly shifting as the laughter leaves his lips. 

“I hated the ones that weren’t with you,” you correct him, but your voice comes across as just a whisper. He’s close enough to hear though, a blushing grin forming on his face as you shyly look away. His heart flutters when he hears it, a million butterflies erupting in his tummy all at once.

“I hated the ones that weren’t with you too,” he coos, his eyes wide and sparkling as he looks at you with such adoration. 

Time moves in slow motion as his hand meets your cheek, your eyes look deeply into his chocolate ones as he moves in closer. As your eyelids flutter shut his tongue runs across his bottom lip, wetting the surface before closing the distance between you. Finally.

And in that moment you’re at peace. Everything you thought you’ve ever hated, love, relationships, and maybe Taehyung for a hot second, are the only things that you long for. The 14 days don’t have to be over, and your days no longer have to be counted. When you’re with Taehyung you’re happy, you’re comfortable, and you're confident that he can give you what you have always deserved – but have never gotten. 

His lips move against yours in slow, languid motions, his large hands holding you close like he’s holding on for dear life. But you won’t leave even if you want to, not now, not after all this. 

Slowly, Taehyung shifts his weight and you move in succession. He’s laying you down on his bed, gently climbing over you without breaking the kiss. Things are becoming more heated now, you can feel it as his hungry lips devour your own. Your chest heaves up to meet his, your back arching off the mattress as his hands begin to scour your body. The heat pooling in between your legs is growing, an aching sensation overwhelming your core as your own hands reach up to rake through his long, fluffy hair. And you can tell he wants you too, the thin fabric of his sweatpants doing little to conceal the growing erection pressing against your thigh. 

You can’t help but let out a steep moan as his hips begin to grind into yours. Needy groans fall past his lips and onto yours as you roll your hips upwards to meet his small ruts. 

In a leisurely motion, Taehyung’s body is moving upwards, his knee finding a place between your legs as he brings himself up to a kneeling position. You chase his lips the entire way there, sitting up straight to be sure the contact doesn’t vanish, too consumed by your need for him to leave his lips.

And then his needy hands are running along the waistband of your sweats, fiddling with the tie before breaking your heated kiss. “Is this okay?” His words come out in a whisper, his eyes searching yours for any signs of doubt, but all he sees is lust.

“Yes,” you confirm, out of breath from making-out for so long without coming up for air. The lightheaded feeling taking over you goes unnoticed though, and quite frankly you’re too caught up in Taehyung to care.

Quickly, he rids you of your pants, looking back up at you for confirmation about your underwear. With an affirmative nod he’s removing those too, leaving you completely bare from the waist down as he stands over you fully clothed.

But soon he’s ridding himself of his own clothing, his shirt being pulled at the nape of his neck as he discards it across the room. He’s leaning back down to you, hungry for the feeling of your lips. He misses it, even though it's been less than a minute since he’s last felt your smooth lips on his. 

You won’t open your eyes to see, but with the shuffling movements and shaky connection between your mouths you can tell Taehyung is stripping himself of any remaining clothing he has on. He’s needy, unable to wait any longer to get down to business, he’s already waited long enough.

You’re the one who breaks the kiss this time, too curious to see what he’s sporting down below for your own good. But you are not disappointed once you see it – he’s long and girthy; the pigment a shade or two darker from his skin tone than the rest of his body.  Your thoughts are wandering, wondering what it's like to have him inside of you; dreaming about what he feels like. Arousal pools at your core, mouth salivating as your daydreams linger.

“Like what you see?” Taehyung chuckles. You barely notice that you’ve been staring, eyes wide and focused on the hardened dick before you, which is probably a bit uncomfortable for him. 

“Sorry!” You cringe at yourself lightly, covering your eyes in embarrassment in fear that you just ruined the mood you’ve worked too hard to create.

“Don’t apologize,” he smiles as he grabs your wrists, moving them away from your round eyes. Scrunching your nose in displeasure, you catch your lip in between your teeth, mentally face palming at how weird you’re being.

He couldn’t blame you though, it was taking everything in him not to gawk at you. It was the first time you’ve seen each other naked. Bathing suits did little for your imagination, not that you had even thought about Taehyung this way before.

But he eases your nerves by coming down face level with you, reaching for your shirt and pulling it up over your head. You look at him with wide eyes, taking in each part of him as he caresses your body gently. He’s in awe of you like this. So relieved that you’re finally his, that he has you like this.

Nimble fingers dance down your body, landing at your core as he runs one up your slit, collecting your arousal on his fingertip. An impressed smirk grows slowly on his face, “I can’t believe you’re this wet already,” he hums. “All for me.” 

His eyes remain focused on your center, devouring it with his eyes as his hands hold steady on your thighs. You can’t help but grow slightly embarrassed, dripping with arousal so early on though he’s barely touched you. A lump forms in your throat causing you to swallow thickly – this doesn’t go unnoticed by Taehyung.

A concerned expression crosses his face, brow furrowing as he moves his hands upward to settle on your waist. “Hey,” his voice is soft, gentle and full of worry, “everything okay?” 

“Just nervous,” you answer, a fake smile showing on your face to try and combat your own emotions.

It is no secret that Taehyung is a bit more experienced than you are in bed. He knows that, you know that, and that is enough to turn you into a nervous wreck. Leave it to your own thoughts to ruin the moment.

“We don’t have to…”

“No!” Your voice comes out a little too eager, a bit loud, shocking Taehyung. His eyes widen in response, body jolting from the impact of your tone. “No,” you say more gently this time, “I want to.”

You did want to – you just have to get over your own nerves first. Luckily, Taehyung didn’t mind and was willing to guide you through it.

With a reassuring smile plastered across his face, he laces his fingers through yours. As you lock eyes, you nod him onward, giving him the go-ahead to continue. He moves languidly, his fingers moving back down to trace your slit once more. The sensation makes you tense, the nerves tingling through your body making it difficult for you to calm down. 

But with a reassuring squeeze of his hand to yours, you’re taking a deep breath. Closing your eyes as you lie your head backwards onto his pillowcase. The smell of him consumes you, relaxing you effectively as his fingers meet the entrance of your core.

Shivers run through your body as he dips one finger inside. Your arousal acts as a natural lube, letting his finger glide gracefully into you. You gasp at the sensation, eyes rolling back into your head as he begins caressing your walls. His finger moves swiftly in and out of your core, his other hand still locked with yours to guide you through.

With your body finally relaxing, Taehyung is able to add another finger into the mix. The extra pressure makes you shudder for a moment, taking a little to adjust to the greater size inside of you. Thankfully the mild discomfort subsides, and he’s able to pump his fingers in and out once more. 

He’s making sure to watch each of your expressions, growing harder and harder just from watching your face contort in bliss. With each of his movements you bite down harder onto your lip, focusing on him and him only. 

“You’re doing so well,” he praises as his thumb rubs circles over your hand soothing you. You can feel your heart swell at his words, heat beginning to rise to your cheeks. 

In one swift motion, Taehyung begins to separate his fingers, stretching your walls as his digits move in scissor-like motions inside you. “Fuck,” you mumble, hips jutting forward in reaction. 

A steep moan leaving your lips as he brings his fingers back together, just to extend them once more. Your body is quickly getting used to the pressure, begging for more as you roll your hips.

He can sense that you’re eager from your movements alone. With one final squeeze, his hand is leaving yours. The empty feeling in your palm is unpleasant. But once you open your eyes and notice he’s using it to palm himself, his fingers groping around his length and beginning to pump slowly, that empty feeling is replaced with something else. 

Your mouth salivates with desire, hungry for the feeling of him inside of you. He’s aroused you enough, and you’re too eager to feel him for your own good.

“Taehyung,” you moan, “fuck me please.”

His cock jumps in reaction to your words, his chest heaving as his breath catches in his throat. Never in his life did he expect to hear those words come out of your mouth – but he wouldn't mind hearing it again.

“Hmm?” He hums, knowing damn well what you said but being greedy enough to pretend that he didn’t. You whine in response, your legs shaking on the bed in a mini temper-tantrum.

“Please,” you drag out, “please fuck me.”

Your words are music to his ears. He removes his fingers from your dripping cunt, grabbing the backs of your knees to pull you closer to him and hike your legs up over his hips.

“Anything for you.”

Complying to your wish, he lines the tip of his cock up with your entrance. The feeling of his smooth head against your core is enough to make you moan, your head thrown back to expose the soft skin of your neck.

Taehyung takes this as an opportunity to leave his own mark behind, leaning down to attach his lips to your skin. You gasp as his teeth graze your skin, his plump lips sucking harshly before his tongue is swiping over the area to soothe it. 

But your eyes open once he’s beginning to pull away to look at you. His eyes are dark, full of lust mixed with adoration, a sigh of relief leaving his chest as he gazes down at you under him. There’s a lot going on in his head right now. Of all the emotions swirling around, the thing he’s most focused on is how lucky he is to have you.

And before you know it, he’s leaning down. Pressing a chaste kiss to your lips, making you smile. One more kiss is left on your forehead before he's pulling back, securing the position of your legs on his hips. 

And then he’s realigning himself with your core, pushing past your entrance and slowly descending into the depths of your pussy. He’s moving slowly, taking his time as he thrusts into you. The delicious stretch is unfamiliar, but it's not uncomfortable – like you were made just for him. A simultaneous groan leaves your lips as he bottoms out, the tip of his cock pressing deep into you on a spot that’s gone untouched. 

He hums a sigh of contempt before pulling back, only to rock his hips into you once again. Your velvety walls welcome him delightedly, soft whimpers leaving your lips once he bottoms out again.

“Y/N,” your name leaves his lips in a low grunt, the bones of his pelvis driving into your skin as he begins to pick up his pace. In reaction you clench down on him, orgasm beginning to loom overhead with each movement of his hips.

Desire fills your senses as you roll your hips over to meet his thrusts. His movements are slow and intentional, making sure to bottom out each time to watch you squirm over his dick. He loves how your jaw drops each time his tip presses against your g-spot, knowing just when he hits it each time.

Taehyung’s teeth are barred, sweat gathering at his brow as his dark fluffy hair sticks to his face. He’s trying to hold himself back, the overwhelming urge to finish just in reach, but he doesn’t want to stop. So his hands roam your body to try and distract him, his palms caressing up the sides of your torso as your back bridges into him. The feeling of hot breath fans over your face with each sigh he lets out. 

But the tightening knot in your stomach is threatening to snap with every movement of his hips. It's getting harder and harder to hold on with the power of his thrusts growing stronger.

“Taehyung,” you whine, “so close” your hands find his back, fingernails dragging down his spine in attempts to ground yourself. Taehyung’s face contorts as your nails pierce his skin, leaving lines of red scratches down the length of his posterior.

The stretch from his length and his rhythmic motions sends your senses into overdrive. Squeezing your eyes shut and grasping onto the sheets underneath you, you can taste the brink of your orgasm. Taehyung is focused; his grip on your thighs strong and his face contorted with bliss. But all you can think about is how stupid you could have been if you had decided to just cut him out. What matters is that you’re here with him now, and the thought of that is enough to push you over the edge. 

Your breath hitches in your throat, stomach twisting and turning as your pussy throbs repeatedly around his member. Emotions running high, three words almost slip past your lips, but with the small amount of strength you can muster up, you hold them back. Another time, some time that isn't so lust filled like this one.

Taehyung’s thrusts are growing sloppy. His grip on your legs tightening as his lip is caught between his teeth. And with just a few quick thrusts, he’s coming undone inside of you. White, hot spurts of cum paint your walls, filling you up and making you feel so unbelievably full. 

You’ve always felt close to Taehyung – he knew everything about you and vice versa; but this time was different. The way his hands settled on your legs, bringing them down gently after finishing. How his eyes are becoming so soft as he looks at you, a lazy grin pulling at his lips. You’ve never felt closer to Taehyung as you do in the moment. As his body collapses next to yours, pulling you in and holding you close as you recover from your highs, you’re completely at peace.

“Sorry I got carried away, I guess I should have asked if you’re on birth control still,” he laughs, burying his face into the crook of your neck. 

“I am,” you chuckle alongside him.

Your naked bodies tangle together, his leg weaving its way through yours to be as close to you as possible. He’s intoxicated by you, closing his eyes as he rests against your body in complete bliss. Now that he has you this close he never wants to let go; and neither do you.

“Can I tell you something?” His voice is soft, whisper like but still confident. His tone doesn’t falter.

“Anything.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

Butterflies erupt in your tummy, your heart thudding in your chest as heat rises to your cheeks. He loves you. It's not that friendship kind of love anymore; it's the relationship kind. The same kind that makes your heart skip a beat and body riddle with every emotion in the book. The kind that keeps you up all night thinking about – but also helps you fall asleep, knowing he’ll be there in the morning.

And all of a sudden it seems so stupid that you were fighting those words back in the heat of the moment just a few minutes ago. He felt it too, you always knew that.

“I love you, Taehyung.”

Crush culture once made you want to spill your guts. Every guy sucked, relationships were stupid and love was a social construct that you didn’t feel like conforming to. There was absolutely no one that you would waste your time on, until Taehyung came around. What you had been looking for your entire life has always been right in front of your eyes – you were just too dumb to see it.

Maybe love is alright, after all.

‘Crush Culture’ is copyright 2020 @parksfilter, all rights reserved. Please do not repost on any platform or translate without permission.