#which means there's people that haven't done much with excel yet

[elprupneerg]

what if instead of going to class i was just sooooooooo sleepy

[onrainynights]

I'm about to be so annoying btw

[dragonsbluee]

So I've recently been re-reading TCF And chapter 196 is such an excellent example of how Cale interacts with the people around him, how he views himself and how they view him. This is also at the point in the novel where he hasn't really accepted that he is Cale now, not KRS, because he doesn't feel like he can.

So anyway, we start the chapter seeing the people of Rain City react to Cale's shield and they say something important!

"Won't he faint is he uses such a large shield? Why doesn't he just activate it when the northern bastards come?" "Can't you tell? He doesn't want to see us or the territory getting hurt at all."

At first, I thought this was just the regular drama of people reacting to Cale, but then Choi Han, the kids, and Ron tell him he's being ridiculous, and I realize the townsfolk are right.

The Wyvern Battle is only the 2nd or 3rd major battle Cale has been in so far but only as Cale. As KRS, he's done this before, and having read later chapters, we know Cale holds so much guilt over those battles and how he wanted to keep those he cared for away from it all but couldn't. After all, record only gives him information to guide them and make plans; he often couldn't physically protect them. How many times has he defended a shelter or teammates and wished he could have just covered them all with a shield instead of giving commands from the back? We know how guilty he feels over Choi Jung Soo and Lee Soo Hyuk's deaths.

He knows he doesn't have to keep it up, and he's the one who spreads a rumour that it's taking all of his energy, but he's already considering himself a "bad person" for taking military command and only giving orders. (except that's what it means to take military command?) There is absolutely another motive for keeping the shield around the city. Cale wants the opposing forces to view him as weakened, or he doesn't want people to think his power is as strong as it is. However, at the same time, he's absolutely protecting them because, just like the townsperson says, he doesn't want to see any of them get hurt by an attack he could have blocked.

Cale is doing what he can to undermine himself while claiming he's going to make everyone else the hero of this battle, but he won't drop the shield, which means no one can disregard or forget his involvement. It's not intentional! He's just literally made himself the first line of defense as a direct parallel to every time he was the last line as KRS. He wants to stay at the back, he does not plan to get involved unless he has to, but Cale won't let himself stay out of it. So the shield goes up and stays for multiple days.

Meanwhile, all Choi Han, Ron and the kids see is Cale surrounded by paperwork (because taking command of the entire Northeast is a lot of work), keeping a shield up that's known to make him cough up blood (they don't know about it getting stronger or the vitality of heart), and only sleeping 1 to 2 hours a night (thank you crybaby), so they assume it's a combination of work and concentration to keep the shield up. As usual, they're worried and frustrated at Cale's self-sacrificing tendencies.

We haven't even gotten to the actual battle yet, but this is such a great setup of how it's going to go and how the novel goes.

[eyrieofsynapses]

why Aurora's art is genius

It's break for me, and I've been meaning to sit down and read the Aurora webcomic (https://comicaurora.com/, @comicaurora on Tumblr) for quite a bit. So I did that over the last few days.

And… y'know. I can't actually say "I should've read this earlier," because otherwise I would've been up at 2:30-3am when I had responsibilities in the morning and I couldn't have properly enjoyed it, but. Holy shit guys THIS COMIC.

I intended to just do a generalized "hello this is all the things I love about this story," and I wrote a paragraph or two about art style. …and then another. And another. And I realized I needed to actually reference things so I would stop being too vague. I was reading the comic on my tablet or phone, because I wanted to stay curled up in my chair, but I type at a big monitor and so I saw more details… aaaaaand it turned into its own giant-ass post.

SO. Enjoy a few thousand words of me nerding out about this insanely cool art style and how fucking gorgeous this comic is? (There are screenshots, I promise it isn't just a wall of text.) In my defense, I just spent two semesters in graphic design classes focusing on the Adobe Suite, so… I get to be a nerd about pretty things…???

All positive feedback btw! No downers here. <3

---

I cannot emphasize enough how much I love the beautiful, simple stylistic method of drawing characters and figures. It is absolutely stunning and effortless and utterly graceful—it is so hard to capture the sheer beauty and fluidity of the human form in such a fashion. Even a simple outline of a character feels dynamic! It's gorgeous!

Though I do have a love-hate relationship with this, because my artistic side looks at that lovely simplicity, goes "I CAN DO THAT!" and then I sit down and go to the paper and realize that no, in fact, I cannot do that yet, because that simplicity is born of a hell of a lot of practice and understanding of bodies and actually is really hard to do. It's a very developed style that only looks simple because the artist knows what they're doing. The human body is hard to pull off, and this comic does so beautifully and makes it look effortless.

Also: line weight line weight line weight. It's especially important in simplified shapes and figures like this, and hoo boy is it used excellently. It's especially apparent the newer the pages get—I love watching that improvement over time—but with simpler figures and lines, you get nice light lines to emphasize both smaller details, like in the draping of clothing and the curls of hair—which, hello, yes—and thicker lines to emphasize bigger and more important details and silhouettes. It's the sort of thing that's essential to most illustrations, but I wanted to make a note of it because it's so vital to this art style.

THE USE OF LAYER BLENDING MODES OH MY GODS. (...uhhh, apologies to the people who don't know what that means, it's a digital art program thing? This article explains it for beginners.)

Bear with me, I just finished my second Photoshop course, I spent months and months working on projects with this shit so I see the genius use of Screen and/or its siblings (of which there are many—if I say "Screen" here, assume I mean the entire umbrella of Screen blending modes and possibly Overlay) and go nuts, but seriously it's so clever and also fucking gorgeous:

Firstly: the use of screened-on sound effect words over an action? A "CRACK" written over a branch and then put on Screen in glowy green so that it's subtle enough that it doesn't disrupt the visual flow, but still sticks out enough to make itself heard? Little "scritches" that are transparent where they're laid on without outlines to emphasize the sound without disrupting the underlying image? FUCK YES. I haven't seen this done literally anywhere else—granted, I haven't read a massive amount of comics, but I've read enough—and it is so clever and I adore it. Examples:

Secondly: The beautiful lighting effects. The curling leaves, all the magic, the various glowing eyes, the fog, the way it's all so vividly colored but doesn't burn your eyeballs out—a balance that's way harder to achieve than you'd think—and the soft glows around them, eeeee it's so pretty so pretty SO PRETTY. Not sure if some of these are Outer/Inner Glow/Shadow layer effects or if it's entirely hand-drawn, but major kudos either way; I can see the beautiful use of blending modes and I SALUTE YOUR GENIUS.

I keep looking at some of this stuff and go "is that a layer effect or is it done by hand?" Because you can make some similar things with the Satin layer effect in Photoshop (I don't know if other programs have this? I'm gonna have to find out since I won't have access to PS for much longer ;-;) that resembles some of the swirly inner bits on some of the lit effects, but I'm not sure if it is that or not. Or you could mask over textures? There's... many ways to do it.

If done by hand: oh my gods the patience, how. If done with layer effects: really clever work that knows how to stop said effects from looking wonky, because ugh those things get temperamental. If done with a layer of texture that's been masked over: very, very good masking work. No matter the method, pretty shimmers and swirly bits inside the bigger pretty swirls!

Next: The way color contrast is used! I will never be over the glowy green-on-black Primordial Life vibes when Alinua gets dropped into that… unconscious space?? with Life, for example, and the sharp contrast of vines and crack and branches and leaves against pitch black is just visually stunning. The way the roots sink into the ground and the three-dimensional sensation of it is particularly badass here:

Friggin. How does this imply depth like that. HOW. IT'S SO FREAKING COOL.

A huge point here is also color language and use! Everybody has their own particular shade, generally matching their eyes, magic, and personality, and I adore how this is used to make it clear who's talking or who's doing an action. That was especially apparent to me with Dainix and Falst in the caves—their colors are both fairly warm, but quite distinct, and I love how this clarifies who's doing what in panels with a lot of action from both of them. There is a particular bit that stuck out to me, so I dug up the panels (see this page and the following one https://comicaurora.com/aurora/1-20-30/):

(Gods it looks even prettier now that I put it against a plain background. Also, appreciation to Falst for managing a bridal-carry midair, damn.)

The way that their colors MERGE here! And the immense attention to detail in doing so—Dainix is higher up than Falst is in the first panel, so Dainix's orange fades into Falst's orange at the base. The next panel has gold up top and orange on bottom; we can't really tell in that panel where each of them are, but that's carried over to the next panel—

—where we now see that Falst's position is raised above Dainix's due to the way he's carrying him. (Points for continuity!) And, of course, we see the little "huffs" flowing from orange to yellow over their heads (where Dainix's head is higher than Falst's) to merge the sound of their breathing, which is absurdly clever because it emphasizes to the viewer how we hear two sets of huffing overlaying each other, not one. Absolutely brilliant.

(A few other notes of appreciation to that panel: beautiful glows around them, the sparks, the jagged silhouette of the spider legs, the lovely colors that have no right to make the area around a spider corpse that pretty, the excellent texturing on the cave walls plus perspective, the way Falst's movements imply Dainix's hefty weight, the natural posing of the characters, their on-point expressions that convey exactly how fuckin terrifying everything is right now, the slight glows to their eyes, and also they're just handsome boys <3)

Next up: Rain!!!! So well done! It's subtle enough that it never ever disrupts the impact of the focal point, but evident enough you can tell! And more importantly: THE MIST OFF THE CHARACTERS. Rain does this irl, it has that little vapor that comes off you and makes that little misty effect that plays with lighting, it's so cool-looking and here it's used to such pretty effect!

One of the panel captions says something about it blurring out all the injuries on the characters but like THAT AIN'T TOO BIG OF A PROBLEM when it gets across the environmental vibes, and also that'd be how it would look in real life too so like… outside viewer's angle is the same as the characters', mostly? my point is: that's the environment!!! that's the vibes, that's the feel! It gets it across and it does so in the most pretty way possible!

And another thing re: rain, the use of it to establish perspective, particularly in panels like this—

—where we can tell we're looking down at Tynan due to the perspective on the rain and where it's pointing. Excellent. (Also, kudos for looking down and emphasizing how Tynan's losing his advantage—lovely use of visual storytelling.)

Additionally, the misting here:

We see it most heavily in the leftmost panel, where it's quite foggy as you would expect in a rainstorm, especially in an environment with a lot of heat, but it's also lightly powdered on in the following two panels and tends to follow light sources, which makes complete sense given how light bounces off particles in the air.

A major point of strength in these too is a thorough understanding of lighting, like rim lighting, the various hues and shades, and an intricate understanding of how light bounces off surfaces even when they're in shadow (we'll see a faint glow in spots where characters are half in shadow, but that's how it would work in real life, because of how light bounces around).

Bringing some of these points together: the fluidity of the lines in magic, and the way simple glowing lines are used to emphasize motion and the magic itself, is deeply clever. I'm basically pulling at random from panels and there's definitely even better examples, but here's one (see this page https://comicaurora.com/aurora/1-16-33/):

First panel, listed in numbers because these build on each other:

The tension of the lines in Tess's magic here. This works on a couple levels: first, the way she's holding her fists, as if she's pulling a rope taut.

The way there's one primary line, emphasizing the rope feeling, accompanied by smaller ones.

The additional lines starbursting around her hands, to indicate the energy crackling in her hands and how she's doing a good bit more than just holding it. (That combined with the fists suggests some tension to the magic, too.) Also the variations in brightness, a feature you'll find in actual lightning. :D Additional kudos for how the lightning sparks and breaks off the metal of the sword.

A handful of miscellaneous notes on the second panel:

The reflection of the flames in Erin's typically dark blue eyes (which bears a remarkable resemblance to Dainix, incidentally—almost a thematic sort of parallel given Erin's using the same magic Dainix specializes in?)

The flowing of fabric in the wind and associated variation in the lineart

The way Erin's tattoos interact with the fire he's pulling to his hand

The way the rain overlays some of the fainter areas of fire (attention! to! detail! hell yeah!)

I could go on. I won't because this is a lot of writing already.

Third panel gets paragraphs, not bullets:

Erin's giant-ass "FWOOM" of fire there, and the way the outline of the word is puffy-edged and gradated to feel almost three-dimensional, plus once again using Screen or a variation on it so that the stars show up in the background. All this against that stunning plume of fire, which ripples and sparks so gorgeously, and the ending "om" of the onomatopoeia is emphasized incredibly brightly against that, adding to the punch of it and making the plume feel even brighter.

Also, once again, rain helping establish perspective, especially in how it's very angular in the left side of the panel and then slowly becomes more like a point to the right to indicate it's falling directly down on the viewer. Add in the bright, beautiful glow effects, fainter but no less important black lines beneath them to emphasize the sky and smoke and the like, and the stunningly beautiful lighting and gradated glows surrounding Erin plus the lightning jagging up at him from below, and you get one hell of an impactful panel right there. (And there is definitely more in there I could break down, this is just a lot already.)

And in general: The colors in this? Incredible. The blues and purples and oranges and golds compliment so well, and it's all so rich.

Like, seriously, just throughout the whole comic, the use of gradients, blending modes, color balance and hues, all the things, all the things, it makes for the most beautiful effects and glows and such a rich environment. There's a very distinct style to this comic in its simplified backgrounds (which I recognize are done partly because it's way easier and also backgrounds are so time-consuming dear gods but lemme say this) and vivid, smoothly drawn characters; the simplicity lets them come to the front and gives room for those beautiful, richly saturated focal points, letting the stylized designs of the magic and characters shine. The use of distinct silhouettes is insanely good. Honestly, complex backgrounds might run the risk of making everything too visually busy in this case. It's just, augh, so GORGEOUS.

Another bit, take a look at this page (https://comicaurora.com/aurora/1-15-28/):

It's not quite as evident here as it is in the next page, but this one does some other fun things so I'm grabbing it. Points:

Once again, using different colors to represent different character actions. The "WHAM" of Kendal hitting the ground is caused by Dainix's force, so it's orange (and kudos for doubling the word over to add a shake effect). But we see blue layered underneath, which could be an environmental choice, but might also be because it's Kendal, whose color is blue.

And speaking off, take a look at the right-most panel on top, where Kendal grabs the spear: his motion is, again, illustrated in bright blue, versus the atmospheric screened-on orange lines that point toward him around the whole panel (I'm sure these have a name, I think they might be more of a manga thing though and the only experience I have in manga is reading a bit of Fullmetal Alchemist). Those lines emphasize the weight of the spear being shoved at him, and their color tells us Dainix is responsible for it.

One of my all-time favorite effects in this comic is the way cracks manifest across Dainix's body to represent when he starts to lose control; it is utterly gorgeous and wonderfully thematic. These are more evident in the page before and after this one, but you get a decent idea here. I love the way they glow softly, the way the fire juuuust flickers through at the start and then becomes more evident over time, and the cracks feel so realistic, like his skin is made of pottery. Additional points for how fire begins to creep into his hair.

A small detail that's generally consistent across the comic, but which I want to make note of here because you can see it pretty well: Kendal's eyes glow about the same as the jewel in his sword, mirroring his connection to said sword and calling back to how the jewel became Vash's eye temporarily and thus was once Kendal's eye. You can always see this connection (though there might be some spots where this also changes in a symbolic manner; I went through it quickly on the first time around, so I'll pay more attention when I inevitably reread this), where Kendal's always got that little shine of blue in his eyes the same as the jewel. It's a beautiful visual parallel that encourages the reader to subconsciously link them together, especially since the lines used to illustrate character movements typically mirror their eye color. It's an extension of Kendal.

Did I mention how ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL the colors in this are?

Also, the mythological/legend-type scenes are illustrated in familiar style often used for that type of story, a simple and heavily symbolic two-dimensional cave-painting-like look. They are absolutely beautiful on many levels, employing simple, lovely gradients, slightly rougher and thicker lineart that is nonetheless smoothly beautiful, and working with clear silhouettes (a major strength of this art style, but also a strength in the comic overall). But in particular, I wanted to call attention to a particular thing (see this page https://comicaurora.com/aurora/1-12-4/):

The flowing symbolic lineart surrounding each character. This is actually quite consistent across characters—see also Life's typical lines and how they curl:

What's particularly interesting here is how these symbols are often similar, but not the same. Vash's lines are always smooth, clean curls, often playing off each other and echoing one another like ripples in a pond. You'd think they'd look too similar to Life's—but they don't. Life's curl like vines, and they remain connected; where one curve might echo another but exist entirely detached from each other in Vash's, Life's lines still remain wound together, because vines are continuous and don't float around. :P

Tahraim's are less continuous, often breaking up with significantly smaller bits and pieces floating around like—of course—sparks, and come to sharper points. These are also constants: we see the vines repeated over and over in Alinua's dreams of Life, and the echoing ripples of Vash are consistent wherever we encounter him. Kendal's dream of the ghost citizens of the city of Vash in the last few chapters is filled with these rippling, echoing patterns, to beautiful effect (https://comicaurora.com/aurora/1-20-14/):

They ripple and spiral, often in long, sinuous curves, with smooth elegance. It reminds me a great deal of images of space and sine waves and the like. This establishes a definite feel to these different characters and their magic. And the thing is, that's not something that had to be done—the colors are good at emphasizing who's who. But it was done, and it adds a whole other dimension to the story. Whenever you're in a deity's domain, you know whose it is no matter the color.

Regarding that shape language, I wanted to make another note, too—Vash is sometimes described as chaotic and doing what he likes, which is interesting to me, because smooth, elegant curves and the color blue aren't generally associated with chaos. So while Vash might behave like that on the surface, I'm guessing he's got a lot more going on underneath; he's probably much more intentional in his actions than you'd think at a glance, and he is certainly quite caring with his city. The other thing is that this suits Kendal perfectly. He's a paragon character; he is kind, virtuous, and self-sacrificing, and often we see him aiming to calm others and keep them safe. Blue is such a good color for him. There is… probably more to this, but I'm not deep enough in yet to say.

And here's the thing: I'm only scratching the surface. There is so much more here I'm not covering (color palettes! outfits! character design! environment! the deities! so much more!) and a lot more I can't cover, because I don't have the experience; this is me as a hobbyist artist who happened to take a couple design classes because I wanted to. The art style to this comic is so clever and creative and beautiful, though, I just had to go off about it. <3

...brownie points for getting all the way down here? Have a cookie.

[darkwood-sleddog]

https://scitechdaily.com/dogs-can-talk-study-confirms-dogs-intentionally-use-soundboards-to-communicate/

Saw this and wondered about your thoughts on it. I remember reading awhile back your post(s) about it and Clever Hans and everything.

I haven't read the study myself yet, so I don't have opinions/information beyond that.

I personally don't think this study proves button dogs are doing anything new or surprising or beyond Clever Hans-like behaviors.

First off, the study is self-reported and the sample size is not very large, meaning that the dogs are not in a laboratory environment where we can be sure they are getting the same type of instruction and that anything that might lean the study towards Clever Hans effect is mitigated (we even have to try to purposefully mitigate Clever Hans effect in Human behavioral studies btw).

Clever Hans effect is not imitation, much in the way the study describes that dogs are not imitating their owners. It's not like the horse was imitating his handler stomping at the ground, the horse who was known as Clever Hans used his knowledge of human body language to anticipate the correct answer and would stop pawing at the ground when this body language was achieved. A big part of "Clever Hans Effect" is the fact that this body language, by the humans involved, is not consciously done. We all display things unconsciously from a body language perspective and domestic mammals like dogs and horses, who have been bred to work alongside humans for a very long time, are excellent at decoding this. The horse didn't understand math in the same way these button dogs in all likely hood only understand that the combination of these particular sounds give them something they desire. I can ask my dog to sit and they'll get a treat, which is rewarding. So the next time they hear "sit" they are anticipating a reward and performing the behavior that produces the reward. They do not understand the word "sit" in the context of the English language. I can change that word to any human language or any word I want and they'll still perform the behavior as long as that sound (+potential hand signal) + reward is associated with the behavior on a consistent basis.

The study goes on to say that the dogs can string two-word combinations together to communicate. It's well known that dogs can be taught quite a few words and combinations of words/commands even without buttons, so this is not surprising (my dogs know that Gee (turn right) is different from Gee Over (get to the right side of the trail for example).

The study observes that most button communication from dogs dealt with essential needs such as "outside" + "potty" or "outside" + "play". These are already needs and desires that dogs (attempt to) communicate with their owners on a daily basis, the only difference between somebody relying on buttons for this communication vs somebody who is not is that a majority of pet owners are not well versed in dog body language and may be ignorant of or misinterpret what their dog is trying to communicate. I personally think there is a huge problem with expecting dogs to communicate in a distinctly human-like way that has not been proven to be more accurate than basic commands + body language while us as humans might place little or no value in the communication styles of dogs themselves.

What the study does not do is prove that button using dogs are describing dreams, emotions, or anything beyond their immediate needs. These concepts are peddled heavily by the most popular animal button communication influences such as Hunger for Words and Bunny the Dog, etc. It is THIS aspect peddled by dog button people that irks me the most (in addition to some of the ableist language towards non speaking people these people have pushed..) because it is simply not true that their dogs can describe dreams they had or how the dog feels about their new baby. It is not scientifically proven. Button for potty? Cool, I love that if it works for you. I don't need a button like that for my dogs because I understand their body language differences between outside + potty and outside + play, but I know some people might need a tool like this for clarity or ease. Buttons to describe dreams and desires beyond a dog's immediate needs? I'm suspicious and comparing you to Koko the Gorilla's handler who did the same thing (non-scientific attributing of emotions given to the animal they care for in a non-accurate way).

The study says it would love to find out if they can attribute button use to dreams, complex emotions, past & future events, etc. But how can you possibly, in good faith, know you're being accurate with this when we cannot even guarantee an absence of Clever Hans Effect in human behavior studies? When we have not even been able to identify these things in a non-button study? How do you identify if it is happening correctly within button using dogs if you can't identify if it is happening within normal dog behavior?

and finally, the study lists four individuals associated with the study and NONE of them are animal behaviorists or have backgrounds in DOG cognition and behavior. One of those four people is associated with the brand of buttons used. This alone flaws the study enough for me to discount it.

[dtrghost]

closeness and proximity part.6

pairing: ghost x f!reader

synopsis: callsign is sunshine, because you're anything but. team 141 thought ghost was bad? at least they could crack a smile out of the guy from time to time, you? you were stone faced, all day, every day. until one day you're not, not with a certain someone anyway.

warnings: fluff, some angst, ooc simon, virgin! reader, 18+ smut, cunnilingus, piv, praise kink, this a softer smut, degrading terms are still gonna be used but in a praising way because i think after everything that's happened her first time shouldn't be too much, he still gets rough though. size kink, overstimulation!receiving, some masochism!receiving on simon's behalf, some sub!ghost, cursing.

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT:

word count:

The last half a year wasn't as bad as she thought it'd be. Turns out she wasn't a sociopath, she had some tendencies sure, but in reality she was just broken from years of unresolved trauma. She had a long way to go, but according to the reports sent to HQ by her therapist, Ms. Maeve Riva, she was making excellent progress.

Price moved out halfway through her leave, and at first she was happy about it, the flat was a lot cleaner, quieter, she had more space for herself and she could decorate it in peace without hearing him grumble about how feminine her decor was.

But she got lonely within a week, and adding on the depression from reliving her worst traumatic experiences, she'd end up calling someone to talk to, which was more often than not, Price. She trusted him enough for that, and she knew he wouldn't tell the team. She wanted them to think she was getting better, and in a lot of ways she was, but some aspects of recovery couldn't be helped.

It was the last day before she was officially off leave and back on call, and she wanted to make it memorable. She sat down in her usual spot in front of Maeve who smiled warmly at her.

"Last day! I brought.." She pulled out two half liter bottles of cherry coke, handing one to her with a cheeky look in her eyes.

"These, to celebrate you! Look how far you've come!" Her therapist gushed emotionally. She chuckled, cracking it open and taking a sip. She sighed at the burn of the carbonation as it slide down to her stomach.

"Thank you Maeve. Couldn't have done it without you and you're weird obsession with tea." Maeve rolled her eyes, snickering as she took a swig from her bottle. Normally she'd do this with alcohol, but knowing her client it was best not to.

"So what's on the agenda for today. Party your heart out, one night stand." She hummed, shrugging her shoulders.

"I was actually gonna call a friend of mine."

"Oooooo one night stand with a friend then. Those are always interesting." She laughed and looked at her incredulously.

"No no no just for some time to reconnect. I'm getting tired of being alone all the time." Maeve nodded, tilting her bottle towards her in agreement.

"Who's this friend of yours? Are they hot?"

"Name's classified, but damn straight he's hot. Shit. I wanted to climb him like a tree when we first met." Her eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Alright then. So have you asked him out yet?" She sighed, leaning back on the couch.

"Nope. Don't even know where he is right about now. Haven't tried to call in the last 6 months either."

"And why is that?" Here the therapy session truly started.

"About 2 weeks before I was put on leave we had an.. altercation. Meaning a knife to my neck and some hurtful words. He apologized, we moved on, but a part of me still feels like what he said was true." She knew what she was referring to, and she leaned forward and put her hand on her knee gently.

"You then and you now are two very different people. Yes your occupation requires more, gruesome methods of getting information out of people, but you feel remorse, you do it out of necessity. You can't keep beating yourself up about it." Y/N nodded, looking down at her phone for a second in contemplation.

"Give him a call. I'll be here with you." Her eyes flickered to Maeve's, only seeing comfort and reassurance. She sighed, her tongue poking at the side of her cheek for a moment before she picked up her phone and looked in her notes. She'd asked Price for Simon's number before he left, and she saved it for when she got the courage to actually contact him. She took a deep breath, hitting the call button and listening to it ring in her ear.

"This is Ghost." Her heart was beating out her chest, the sound of his voice causing her eyes to water involuntarily. Maeve noticed the immediate panic in her eyes and reached over to squeeze her hand, gesturing her to respond. She couldn't hear the conversation, but she could tell by her facial expressions the idea of what was going on.

"Uh-, hey, it's Y/N." All the air left his lungs for a moment, his throat dry as he sat up from his bed. It was his off day, so he back at his flat, watching some old crime movie that he'd seen a while back and took a liking to.

"I just wanted to ask if you um, if you wanted to just ya know, hang out with me later. If you can." She hated how she sounded. Her voice was shaky and she was having a hard time getting the words out. The silence was killer, and it was because he was shocked. 6 months of no contact and suddenly she's asking him to dinner.

"...Yeah. Alright. Time?" Her eyes blew open, Maeve cheering her on as she forced herself to remain calm.

"Does 6:30 work for you? I know you prefer staying in so I can-"

"S'alright I'll come to you. I know where you live anyway."

"Oh alright." It went silent for a bit, and she shrugged at Maeve's curious look.

"...You doing alright then?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah. I'll tell you about it when I see. I don't have alcohol so if you plan to drink you'll have to bring your own. Oh, and no masks. Bye." She hung up quickly, taking a deep inhale as she looked at Maeve with wide eyes.

"So you have a date then."

"I guess so. He's coming to me... fuck." She realized she had no idea when he was going to show up.

"We can cut this one short. I got you covered." She thanked her, seeing it was 4 and she needed time to get ready. She rushed home, cleaning up before racing upstairs to change where she was suddenly at a loss. What the hell was she going to wear?

Simon was in no better situation either, staring at his closet that consisted of hoodies, cargo pants, black t-shirts, and mostly work attire. What did a hang out at her place constitute? Nothing formal surely, casual? He decided on a black t-shirt, jeans, and a pair of black shoes he had that weren't too worn out.

The idea of no masks surprised him, but he didn't care too much. They'd known each other for years and he'd been meaning to find a reason to show her his face, and seeing her own. Then realization struck him.

Did that mean she's not wearing one either?

He couldn't help the sudden bloom of excitement in his chest and stomach at the thought of it. He sprayed on his cologne and grabbed his keys before heading to his car. He had memorized the way there, having driven by sometimes to catch a quick glimpse at her as a way to check in.

She sighed, looking in the mirror at her final look, fear and overthinking plaguing her mind. She didn't wanna look like a bum in her own house, so she put on a nicer pair of clothes, which was really just an all black, long sleeve two piece. She looked comfortable but put together at the same time, even if she was anything but the latter.

What if she just called him and said something came up? What if he's already driving over here?

A knock on her door interrupted her thoughts, mentally cursing herself as she sprayed herself with her favorite perfume and scurried downstairs while adjusting her hair. With a deep breath, the door opened and her eyes blew open, and so did his.

Fuckin' hell. I'm not gonna make it through the night. He thought to himself.

Her mask was off, revealing her perfect nose, skin, and god those lips. They were just the right size, shiny with whatever lipgloss she was wearing. She flashed him a smile that took his breath away. Her outfit hugged her curves in sinful ways that made him swallow his drool before it had to chance to run out of his mouth.

He was just as hot, the way his clothes perfectly hugged him figure, showing off the slim of his waist and broad, bulky shoulders. His pants accentuated his muscular thighs, getting just that much tighter around them as he moved in them.

His jaw was chiseled, as if sculpted by the Gods themselves, his scars added depth to his face with plump lips and a look that would make anyone's drawls or panties fall off. She's surprised hers didn't.

"You look great."

"You look beautiful." They said at the same time, their cheeks beginning to burn.

"Thank you Simon. It's good to see you again."

"It's good to see you too Y/N, oh and I.. I brought these.. for you." He pulled out a bouquet of flowers from behind his back, her eyes lighting up in surprise as she hadn't noticed his arm behind his frame in the first place. They were gorgeous. White roses with stems of lavender to compliment them.

"Awwww thank you. These are beautiful." She smelled them, humming at the aroma.

"Do you mind if I put them in a vase really quick?" He shook his head, watching her shuffle back into the flat as he trailed behind her, shutting the door. He took his time looking around, nodding to himself as he was impressed at how well decorated it was. He left his fairly bare, the walls were gray and he'd only furnished it with the necessities. He watched her walk back into the room, bending down to put the flowers on the coffee table in front of the couches.

He almost groaned at how perfectly those pants hugged her legs, complimenting the shape of her ass as she adjusted the vase to be at the center of the table. Her hair fell off to the side beautifully, her velvet locks entrancing him as this was only the second time he'd seen it naturally. He forced himself to look away as she stood back up, smiling at them before shifting her gaze to him. She noticed that he didn't bring anything other than the flowers.

"Not drinking tonight?" He shook his head, dropping his keys onto the table.

"Alright, do you want anything else? Water, I have some coke."

"Coke's fine." She hummed, quickly grabbing two bottles from her fridge and coming back to see him getting himself comfortable on her couch.

"Here." She passed it to him before taking a seat next to him, crossing her leg over the other as she grabbed the remote to put on a movie.

Fuck, those thighs of hers.

He couldn't help but let his mind drift off for just a moment.

How good they'd look locked around his head as he ate her pretty little cunt out until she was begging for him to stop. How'd they feel against his body as he fucked her through the night. Their smoothness, how'd they be shaking by dawn.

"Simon, you okay?" Her voice dragged him out. She looked at him curiously as he snapped out of it suddenly, embarrassed.

"Penny for your thoughts?" She pressed, making him snicker to her surprise.

"I don't think we'd make it to the end of the movie if I told you that." Her jaw dropped for a moment, suddenly not sure how to comprehend his blatant statement as her thighs unconsciously pressed together.

"Don't do that." He commanded roughly, eyes flickering away from her legs and his hand squeezing the bottle in his hand a bit tighter. Suddenly she understood, and she couldn't help the grin stretching across her face making him roll his eyes.

"I know I know, I'm hot. Don't gotta tell me." She teased lightly, chuckling to herself.

"Don't get all cocky on me now. You were the one fantasizing about me while I was in the shower that one time." "Fuck yeah. Told my therapist about it too, she thought I should've shot my shot when I had the chance back then." He looked over to her for a brief moment, watching as she took in the look in his eyes before they flickered back to the screen.

"You could still shoot it." He suggested quietly, his cheeks burning red as he took another swig of his drink. He wished he'd brought the damn whiskey.

"Would I miss?" He huffed a small laugh at her uncertainty.

"You never miss." Her throat went dry, her eyes darting around the room in front of her before her hand reached out to the one he had on his thigh, grasping it in hers before resting it on the meat of hers.

She sighed lightly at the feeling of his hand squeezing her quads, her eyes shutting for a moment as she let her head fall back.

"Call it a miracle if we get to the credits Riley." He chuckled, his thumb stroking her clothed skin gently. They watched the movie in tense silence, their breathing a bit ragged in an attempt to not jump on each other.

"So, how's the team been?" She began, watching him shift in his spot.

"S'been good. Soap's still a shithead but what's new with that." He listened to her chuckle, missing the melody of it.

"Not surprising."

"How's therapy been? Honestly." He was looking for a genuine answer, turning his head and seeing her bite her inner cheek for a moment.

"It's been rough at times, but I guess I should've been expecting that." She avoided Simon's gaze for a bit while, feeling a bit odd talking about it. When she looked back up, she noticed his look focused on her neck.

Her hand reached up, feeling the unevenness in the area from the scar that was left after he pressed his knife against her neck.

"It's okay, forgot it was even there." She brushed off.

"No it's not." Every part of him regretted that, he never forgave himself.

"It was justified. I threatened you before that too. You were just scared, rightfully so." She had reached over to the other side of him, grasped his clenched fist and gently poking her fingers through the break it apart.

"Si, honey. Look at me." His eyes flickered to hers, his chest tightening at the tenderness looking back at him as she squeezed his hand. She was so close, he could smell her lovely perfume, one that made his head spin.

"I forgive you. Okay?" He hesitated, his hand slowly relaxing as hers slipped in, intertwining their fingers for a moment before she sat back. She noticed the dazed look on his face, his mouth slightly opened as his eyes flickered all over her body, from her face, to her waist, to her legs, and back up.

"So how long have you had a crush on me for."

"Oh fuckin' hell."

"What it's a fair question! I'll answer if you answer."

"I'm not answering that."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Why not?"

"Because it's a bloody stupid question that's why."

"No it's not! If we're gonna fuck then I should at least get to know how long you've been waiting." He sighed, pinching the bridge of his eyebrow and listening to her laugh.

"Well, hopefully not JUST fuck, but I'll take what I can get." She added on quietly, picking at her nails with a small smile on her lips.

"Since a few months after we met." He answered suddenly, looking back up at her. His stare was intense, as it always was, his amber eyes boring into hers.

"Yeah. About the same for me. I didn't understand it for a while until I went through therapy, a bit before that but I wasn't completely sure until I talked it out." He nodded.

"Thank you, by the way." She spoke up, her leg beginning to bob nervously.

"For?"

"Everything. Trying to help me when I didn't want it, coming back for me, fighting HQ for me. All that stuff."

"Of course I came back for you." She placed down her bottle with a shrug.

"I didn't think you would."

Sick, selfish bastard. I don't want something like that on my team.

Those words had stuck with her, and he could tell.

"Oh um, speaking of. We did this thing in therapy where I had to write a letter to the person I think I hurt the most and you were one of them. I was gonna mail it but I never found the courage. Can I just give it to you now?" His eyes widened for a moment, placing down his coke on the floor next to him and giving her a curt nod. She rushed upstairs, opening her drawer and taking out the singular letter she had kept, the rest already having been shipped out.

She stared at it for a moment. Was she ready to hand this to him? For him to read her thoughts and emotions during one of the most vulnerable times of her life? She could say she lost it, accidentally shipped it to the wrong address by mistake. She could've just wrote "sorry for being a prick my bad" and moved on, but she made it personal, emotional, she was pretty sure that there was a stain on it from a tear that had fallen as she wrote.

"Get lost?" Simon called out, noticing how long she'd been gone. She took a deep breath before going back down, staring down at it as she took a seat next to him. He could see her hesitance to hand it to him, her fingers tightly glued to the sides.

"Read it to me then." He offered, shifting his body to face her.

"I'm not sure if that'll be any better."

"I disagree. Go on. Take your time." She felt small in that moment, his intense gaze causing her hands to shake as her finger glided over the indents of his name written on the front. She turned it over, gently slipping her finger underneath the seal of the envelope and opening it, pulling out the letter.

"I tried to keep it short." She spoke, her heart pounding and her voice wavering. He nodded, though she likely didn't see it with how trained her eyes were on the letter. With a deep breath, she started, her voice being the only sound in the room as Simon paused the movie.

"Dear Simon, I dreaded writing your letter because of how personal it would be, but I managed to force myself to pick up my pen and put ink on the page. This letter has no goal, and my therapist told me it was supposed to make me feel better, but that isn't the case for this one."

She stopped for a moment, feeling her throat close up and tighten.

"Take your time lovie." He crooned softly, watching as her eyes darted around the page. She could do this, she thought to herself, clearing her throat and beginning again.

"We've known each other for a few years now, and at first I thought we'd be great friends. We were alike in some ways and even if some our conversations were painfully awkward, I looked forward to them. I was excited when I found out that I was being moved to team 141 because I'd see you again. I used to stay up sometimes and think about some bullshit future with you, where we'd live somewhere quiet together, getting old with a cat and a small garden in the back or whatever else I imagined. But then I actually got there."

She could feel the tears burning in her eyes. Simon didn't speak, instead he just continued to stare at her with a soft gaze, watching the emotions flicker in her eyes, like the candlelight he had seen all that time ago.

"I was confused. I didn't understand why I imagined these fantasies about us or why I wanted to be around you in the first place. I couldn't handle all of it at the time. I had done horrible things in front of you, tortured people in ways that now I can't stomach thinking about. There is no amount of money or apologies I can give to take my actions back, to bring those people back to life and figure out another way. And I did it because I'd seen it done before. I've watched the strongest of people break in Verdansk, and I replicated it because I knew it would work, and that's what matters right? That i got the job done."

Her voice had cracked, the tears that had once blurred her vision now streaming down her cheeks.

"I know that none of this is an excuse, and I won't ask for your forgiveness because I know that I don't deserve it. But I need you to know that I'm sorry, for hurting you, for scaring you, for failing you. Your face in that room is what I see when I close my eyes at night, consistently reliving it every chance of sleep that I get. You tried to save me and I didn't let you, and I'll always regret that. You words stuck with me, and I promise that I will spend the rest of my life trying to make amends with myself and everyone else I've hurt. If you've gotten this far, thank you for reading, and for what it's worth, if anything, I'm truly sorry for what I've done to you.

Yours wholeheartedly,

-Y/N L/N."

He watched as she covered her face with the paper to try and hide her sobs, even though her body shook and convulsed lightly as she cried. His body moved before his mind did, getting up silently. She thought he was leaving, and she was okay with that.

"Hey, look at me." He cooed softly, gently taking the paper from her tight grip and placing it on the table behind him. Her eyes flickered to his, her cheeks red and puffy in his hands as he cupped her cheeks.

"I forgive you, Y/N." His voice was calm, even. She shook her head, her hands coming up to her face to hide her tears, only for him to pull her arms away and intertwine their fingers.

"What I said was fucked up. It's not true. You're not sick, you're not selfish. Do you hear me?" The resolve in his eyes only made her feel worse. She wanted him to hate her, to scream in her face and rip up her letter, but here he was. On his knees in front of her and holding her hands, doing the opposite.

"You're all I want, and you're all I'll need. I know that now, always have." He could still see the hesitance and disbelief in her wide range of emotions, so he did what he's been wanting to do for so long. His hands went back to her face, and with a gentle tug their lips met. It was almost too overwhelming, the sensations that flooded her senses soon overpowered her. She kissed back with the same fiery passion, sighing into his mouth as his hands dropped to her waist.

He rose, pushing her frame back into the couch, hovering over her. She was engulfed by him, he kissed her like it would be his last, pouring every ounce of his soul into hers, and she drank it gladly. She engraved the feeling of his soft lips on hers into her mind, feeling the roughness of his palms gliding under her top to feel her skin against his.

"Let me show you how much I need you lovie." He muttered against her lips, his eyes dark with lust, love, and desire.

"Let me take care of you."

Her throat when dry at his words as they sent shockwaves through her body, her thighs pressing together once more as heat gathered in the place she now needed him the most. With a single nod she was picked up in his arms, her legs wrapped around his middle as he began heading up the stairs to her room.

"Where." He followed her point to the right, pushing the door open with his hand and shutting it with his leg. His lips met hers again, moaning at the feeling of her hands combing through his hair. He tossed her onto the bed with a small umph, and she suddenly regretted wearing pants.

~ Oh we're switching to 2nd POV for this yall. Buckle up! Or should I say saddle up ;)))) ~

He settled himself between your legs, his hands squeezing the flesh of your plump ass as his lips hit yours, this time rougher and more needy.

"You ever done this before lovie?" He mumbled against your lips. Your breath hitched, your body tensing underneath his as you look away, embarrassed by your unspoken answer. He on the other hand, he loved it. His length grew impossibly harder at the idea of him being your first and your last.

He'd be damned to let you go again. You were it for him, it ended here, just you and him.

"Hey hey, look at me." Your eyes flickered to his, only to find fondness and excitement in his eyes as he rested his forehead against yours.

"It's alright love. I'm more than happy to be your first." He could feel you relax, his lips grazing over yours as he moved to your ear.

"I'll do it right yeah? I'll take my time with you, give it to you real nice and ruin you. You want that sweet thing? You want me to ruin you?" He could hear your uneven, shaky breaths as your legs pressed together, trying to relieve some of the pressure of your arousal. He groaned at the sight, of your small body under his and aching to be touched by his big, rough hands.

"Please Si." You whimpered, your eyes shiny with lust and need. He used his knee to push your legs open, his hand traveling down your body and cupping your hot sex. Your skin burned at him feeling how wet you were, the moisture pushing through your panties and just nearly to your pants.

"I know lovie. I got you, always have right?" You nodded vigorously, buckling your hips into his hand desperately for some friction. He hummed, pressing a sweet kiss on your lips before they traveled to your neck. You felt his tongue travel over your scar in a silent apology, one of likely many as his hand cupped your breast under your shirt. He loved how perfectly they fit in his hands, how soft and supple they were.

"How about we take some of these things off." His suggestion was more of an order, and you worked quick, pulling off your top and unclipping your bra as his knees sat on either side of your hips, watching with a raging hard on and sultry eyes.

"You're fucking beautiful love, so perfect for me." You felt vulnerable under his intense gaze, gripping the sheets to stop yourself from covering your chest. His head came down, swirling his tongue around your nipple as he teased and pinched the other one. Your breathy, soft moans were music to his ears, and they only grew louder as you felt him grind his clothed length against your core. He kissed and sucked, leaving marks all over chest to claim you as his.

"Simon" You whined, grabbing at his shirt, watching it ride a bit to showcase his lower back. With a smirk he lifted himself up for a moment, slowly peeling off his shirt as if he were giving you a show before tossing it somewhere in the room. Your hands began to roam, and he watched as you became entranced by him, your fingers delicately tracing his scars and running over his muscles.

You shivered, feeling his finger gliding underneath the waistband of your pants. You watched as he got off of you, sinking down to his knees as he began to slide them and your panties off of your legs. With a grip of your thighs he yanked you closer, amused by your small yelp as he examined your wet cunt.

Were you okay down there? Your thoughts began to race as he sat in silence.

"You... are a fucking goddess." His words caused you to gasp lightly, his hands pushing at your now arched legs to open them wider for him. You exhaled shakily at the feeling of him kissing and nipping at your inner thighs, leaving more marks he'd probably reencounter soon.

He was addicted to you already, fuck knows how many times he'll be in your room on base, doing just this.

He gripped your hips, cementing you in place before he licked a strip from your hole to your clit, listening to you moan as your head fell back against the bed.

"Eyes on me lovie. Want you to watch me eat this delicious fucking pussy." Once your eyes met his, he began eating you out like a starved man who had been deprived of a good meal for months. Your hands landed on his head in shock by his vigor and need as you moaned his name. He hummed, the vibrations adding to the hot pleasure that was coursing through your body as his tongue swirled around your clit.

"Fuck this is the best pussy I've ever had." He growled, his tongue entering your hole as he fucked you expertly. He forced himself to not thrust his hips into the bed for some relief, focusing all of his efforts into this moment. You moaned his name as you approached your orgasm, his eyes shooting up to look at you as he almost came from the way you said it. You felt his fingers replace his tongue, grinning at you as two slipped into easily.

"Gotta get this pretty cunt ready for me lovie." When his mouth attached to your clit and his fingers moved inside you, you saw stars, your hand gripped his free one that pressed flat of your lower stomach.

"Cum for me. Cum all over my fucking fingers." He instructed. He felt you clench down on his fingers, your head thrown back in ecstasy as your orgasm rocked you. He continued his motions until your whined, pushing at his head to get him off for a moment.

"You taste amazing, fuck I could do that for hours." He came up, pressing his lips against yours and shoving his tongue in your mouth, letting you taste your euphoria. You tugged on the belt loop of his jeans, feeling his chest vibrate against yours as he chuckled. He stood back up, your eyes trained on his body as he undid his button, letting his jeans drop.

Your eyes blew open, a sudden fear striking your heart. He was massive, his tip red in agony from the lack of attention.

"Si... that's not gonna fit." You told him. He brushed it off, stepping out of his pants and returning to his position, hovering over you.

"I'll make it fit. Don't worry." Shivers ran up your spine at his deep, raspy promise to you. You reached down, gathering some of your slick and beginning to slide your hand up and down his cock. his head hung for a moment, moaning your name softly. You sped up for a brief moment, only for him to yank your hand away with a shake of his head.

"This is about you love. Just do me a favor and say my name all pretty like you did earlier while I fuck you." You moaned, your arms wrapping around his neck as he grabbed the base of his dick, slowly pressing himself into you with a quiet groan in your ear. You felt yourself stretching to accommodate his size, your eyes flickering down to watch as he slowly disappeared into your sopping cunt.

He bottomed out with a moan, looking down at you.

"Any pain pretty?" Your cheeks burned at the pet name, shaking your head as he shifted your hips to get comfortable, listening to him hiss at the movement. He gives you a moment to adjust, and with your signal of buckling your hips into him for friction, he began thrusting into you. His pace was slow, following through with his promise to take his time with you as he memorized the feeling of your pussy clamped around him, hot and wet and needy for him to fill you up.

You soon began moaning loudly, still sensitive from his tongue as your nails pressed into his back.

"You're taking me so well Y/N, swear your pussy was made just for my cock." He grabbed your chin, forcing you to look him in the eyes as he fucked you.

"You were made for me love, made to be fucked like the pretty fuck toy you are." Your mind was sent into cloud 9, the feeling of his hips driving into you with purpose and need sending you over the edge.

"Oh fuck si right there!" He knew just how to fuck you, his length hitting the spot he knew would make you see stars, spots that had never been touched or stimulated in your life until now. He grunted at the feeling of your squeezing him again, kissing and sucking your neck as he pounded into you faster.

"Oh f-fuck yeah. Pussy feels amazing, so fucking good for me Y/N. I can feel myself, right here love" He took your hand and used his to push yours down on your lower stomach, feeling him fuck you with rhythm.

You were the best he'd ever had, and the best he'll ever have. No one could compare to you, nobody could moan his name like you could, make him feel good like you could. He was yours now, and he intended to let everyone, including yourself know that. The pleasure soon grew to be overwhelming, your fingers digging into his shoulder blades and making him shudder and whine into your ear.

"Fuck, do that again lovie. Mark me. Give me something to show off and let em know I belong to you." And you did just that. You left deep, red scratch marks on his back, kissing and nipping at his neck and his chest, leaving dark marks that he could flaunt later. His praises never stopped, him talking you through every orgasm you had and quickly slipping his cock back in when one had forced him out. He had no filter now, saying anything he wanted, which consisted of the filthiest words you'd ever hear him speak, and each time it would bring you and him that much closer to the never ending ecstasy you found in each other.

"S-Si I can't." You cried, tears rushing down your face as you pushed at his chest, the pleasure mixing with pain as your legs shook against his torso.

"One more for me. I'm so close lovie." Your want for him to cum was more than enough to help you persevere, his thumb coming down to rub your clit as he felt his orgasm approach.

"Where do you want me my love." He groaned, looking down at your fucked out face with his hooded eyes.

"In me. Please fill me up Si." You begged, your doe eyes big and watery. He let out a dirty moan you'd have to get out of him again later when you were able to move again as he let your legs down, fucking you fast in missionary, your legs locked around his middle.

"You want me to breed you huh. Dirty little girl, I'll give it to you. Fill that tight pussy up, you'll be full of me every day, walking around with my seed running down those pretty thighs of yours." His words sent both of you into a euphoria, your cum mixing together as he shot his load into you, your pussy having a vice grip around him as he shuddered. He managed to fuck you through yours, only stopping when you had begged him to with your pretty voice.

"Shhhh. I'll take care of you Y/N. Just trust me." He cooed in your ear, slowly pulling out of you and hearing you whimper from the loss of connection. He picked you up, bringing you to the shower that you lazily directed him to. He ran a bath, noticing how you were unable to stand up without his help. He scrubbed you clean, leaving loving kisses on your delicate skin, feeling you shiver as his tongue swirled over a few love bites he made.

When you were all clean he dried you off and helped you get dressed. You sent him to shower and managed to keep yourself up enough to grab some old clothes Price left behind that you cleaned and left in your drawer for whenever he came back for them, which was never. You laid on the bed, your eyes closing from exhaustion as you curled into yourself under your comforter, missing Simon's warmth and body heat. You were asleep by the time he got out, throwing his clothes into your laundry hamper and slipping into bed next to you, bringing your body flush against his.

"Goodnight lovie." He soothed, brushing your hair back and pressing a slow, loving kiss on your forehead before falling asleep with you, happy and content to have you in his arms.

That night was the first in 6 months where you slept through the night, no nightmares to plague your mind, no loneliness to keep you up in tears. You were in his arms, full of his love in every way, your closeness and proximity being the last identifier you needed to believe that life would get better.

And it would, you both knew it.

And that's it people!! It was my first time writing smut to be published so bear with me if it's bad. I might write a follow up chapter to this series but this is what I'll consider to be the last part! Thank you so much for your love and support and if you have an ideas for the next series, any hcs, preferences, smut etc let me know!

@thaprilks @bowtruckleninja @almightywdm @niallcozidonthavebettername @gothgirl6-6-6

[kaija-rayne-author]

Thoughts on upcoming Veilguard AMA.

Obligatory 'I'm not an asshole' disclaimer. Feel free to jump to the cut if you've read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I was on media blackout while I played it. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Note. None of my writing on DA, but especially DAV, is edited. This is just my off the cuff writing. I don't have the time, energy, or heart to edit them properly.

Heard there was an AMA coming up on the 4th of December.

Given how the devs weaseled out from every actually important question in every other AMA, I don't have a lot of hope that we'll get any answers as to why DAV is so bad.

I just want to know why they scrapped Joplin. It had almost everything committed fans wanted. I want to know why every single decision they made somehow managed to make the game worse. I think there was pressure from EA. But rumour has it that BioWare has always had a lot of control over the games they make.

It's probably partially EA's fault. But I think the blame for the DAV mess belongs firmly on the devs and the people who decided to fire their (often) best writing talent.

But I'm not going to go. Because of said weasely behavior.

Maybe I just have to be done with games from huge corporations. I'm playing Greedfall now and loving it. It’s an RPG from an indie studio. It's a wee step back on graphics, they reused a couple of sets, but generally, it's a very solid RPG that feels like an RPG. They aren't staying away from sticky ideas and awful behavior by people. I find that incredibly realistic. The main/player character is a diplomat, who lies like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

I kept expecting Rook to burst into song and bluebirds to fly out of their ass. Maybe big corporates just can't give me what I want in RPGs anymore. I want truly morally grey choices. I want sticky political shit. I want passionate Romances with happy endings. I want to feel when I play games like these. Which means I need games with solid writing, good characters, and excellent world building. It means the OST has to be good. Not something that had the dedication to it as if Zimmer scraped it off his boot. Greedfall has all that. Plus the morally grey choices.

I've usually purchased and played AAA games from bigger companies because I do like unique maps to explore, and I'm an admitted graphics slut.

But holding DAV on one hand and GREEDFALL on the other? Greedfall wins, hands down. And it's a 5 year old game that very likely didn't have the 250 million dollar budget DAV had. I haven't even finished it yet, and it still wins. I played Subnautica Below Zero just before this one. It's more survival sandbox, but has plenty of RPG elements to it. When Unknown Worlds made both Subnautica games, they were still indie.

Perhaps, after loving BG3 as much as I do (Larian is also Indie) I should've gotten the message to check out indie produced RPGs earlier.

Message received.

DAVs utterly disastrous showing... It's likely a result of late stage capitalism and Disney polluting everything, and people in charge thinking MARVEL actually has any relevance since Disney bought it. Among a lot of other things I'll probably never know about.

But those are excuses. If BioWare truly has as much control as rumoured... it's on them. All of it.

I tried watching Loki. I utterly adore Tom Hiddleston, and even he couldn't get me through that disaster.

I already picked up a few more indie RPGs in the Steam fall sale. Looking forward to exploring them.

Maybe BioWare is just too corporatized to produce anything truly good anymore. Corporations don't have any room for true creativity.

It doesn't really matter. DAV broke my heart and landed BioWare on my boycott list for several reasons I detailed in my review series. I'm just done with them.

[rubykgrant]

OK, my thoughts about the final season of RVB! If you haven't seen it yet, warning for SPOILERS!

In general, I thought it was alright. The good parts were GOOD, but it felt kind of rushed, and a few things were disappointing. Certain parts I wish had been different, but I'm glad it exists. Watching it with lots of cool people made it fun, and it had a decent enough ending for what it was... though, after so many years, so many characters, just so MUCH of a story, I wish things had been a little MORE. It was a shame it was so short and rushed. I'm still glad the people who worked on it got it done, and we were all able to see it.

So. Actual thoughts on different bits...

I'm somebody who enjoys seasons 15-16-17, so while it will always be real in my heart, if they HAD to do a ret-con, having a spoof with a Retro Convention was VERY funny. Kai would absolutely milk her relation to Grif for some attention. I thought it was weird that Dylan was there, but she was a convention host? I feel like it would have made more sense for her to be one of the people asking questions about where the Reds and Blues went (y'know, like she ACTUALLY DID in 15). Oh well.

Things were very rushed... if this had been a more full season (or, in my perfect world, a story split into 2, so we get 19 and 20 out of it. I'm sorry, it just bugs my brain when something ends on a 9 instead of a 10. that's a ME problem), there could have been more of a Big Reveal about Tucker being the Meta. HOWEVER, since things were very condensed, I can appreciate how amusing it is to have Epsilon info-dump the plot to every body.

I did get a chuckle out of Epsilon being a "recorded prediction program" and not the true AI, and he decided to just be an obnoxious little youtuber. Like, that was so awful, it was AWESOME. It is also something that would have made Alpha Church super ticked off, which is very fitting. Good job Epsilon, 10 out of 10~

I was so happy to see Sheila and Lopez! Mechanical love lives on. It was a bit meh seeing the Reds act like they don't care about Caboose (we've been there, done that), but some of the funny bits that followed and Simmons getting Sarge interested by bribing him with Blue Defeat saved it (listen, these guys have been insisting they hate each other for 2 decades, but they can literally not live without each other. let them just admit they are ALL FRIENDS). Grif ranting was excellent.

No Donut is some major BS! Look, I get it, we stole the spot-light in 16-17, he was the time-god's most specialest pink princess and a harbinger of death, it can be intimidating to include something so powerful after trying to erase all that from existence... but come on. With all the important call-backs and connections 19 made with previous seasons, AND having the ending be in Blood Gulch? DONUT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE AND HE SHOULD HAVE THROWN THE AI UNIT. No, I mean it, imagine the thing gets knocked really far away, maybe from an explosion, and Donut throws it clear across the canyon, because you KNOW he can! This time instead of it being a grenade that kills Tex, she catches the unit, tra-la-la, it all comes together. I'm sorry, Simmons doing the cool sports-ball throw was fun, but... Donut. DONUT!

Alright, moving on. It felt a little awkward that Wash is yet again hurt, and nobody is there with him? Oh wait, Doc is there, except no he isn't. Listen. Listen. I love plural Wash. I also love the idea of him genuinely having an emotional connection with Doc, because it DOES make sense; when Wash kid-napped him, Doc just kept making all his sarcastic little comments the whole time, and it tricked Wash into having real conversations with him. I honestly think that if Doc hadn't been with them, Wash wouldn't have been so open to the idea of finally settling down after his Villain Moment. They also both have a lot in common with AI incidents, and again, Villain Moments. I'm just annoyed that the Pacifist and the Original Bad Boy evidently died. Off screen. Give me back my purple boys. If we need to have Wash Not Be Around for a while, have him and Carolina go off to track down Hargrove or something. Maybe they went to two different locations, and Wash gets back to the others first, so we still get Carolina to the rescue.

Anyway, the plot! There was a lot of funny bits when it came to looking for Tucker, getting into the ship with the "video call security", and Niner being there! Hooray! I am... a little disappointed about WHY and HOW Tucker is a "villain". Obviously, I can't picture him being legit EVIL, but the idea that he's just the physical puppet being controlled by the AI isn't very... good. I understand how it was explained, sure, but still. I know I keep rambling about my own thoughts for alternate scenarios, but I can't help it! I just don't like when Sigma (or Omega) are just plain EVIL, for no reason. They've always been more complicated than that (the Meta wanted to be HUMAN, remember. and Omega even told Epsilon "I'll be here if you need me". they are definitely different kinds of harsh and intense, but they aren't the Murder AI or the Evil AI). I don't like that Tucker is being tortured into doing what they say... a more subtle manipulation, the Fragments not only convincing Tucker but also themselves that they NEED to do all this to get Alpha back, is very intriguing. After Epsilon Deconstructed, the Fragments lost their Memories. They just know they aren't complete. Tucker just knows he wants to talk to his best friend again.

If it needs another push to make it more insidious, I'd buy that Meta suit being a trap to begin with; Hargrove probably had that thing rigged to make it into a trap for anybody that wore it, so they'd have this subliminal inclination to collect all the AI, and kill anybody in their way. Something-something forgetting what your motives are, and only caring about the GOAL. Tucker and the Fragments ALL need to remember who they are and why they want the Alpha; it isn't about being a weapon. If there was more of a fake-out/reveal of Tucker being the Meta, maybe with a false hint of it being Felix with the orange/black colors, a sign that Tucker is still in there would be him getting close to killing everybody... but he backs off each time.

Speaking of killing... Sarge. Oh, Sarge. I will admit that, just from a thematic point of view, yes- it works to have a Sarge death. I don't care for it being Tucker that did it, or that Donut isn't there to share the moment as well. Matt Hullum acted the HECK out of that scene, though. In fact, the whole bit of Sarge running back to save Caboose, and trapping Tucker with a bubble shield, was AWESOME. I didn't want Sarge to die... but he went out wearing his red armor, and told Grif and Simmons he cared about them. It was sad, but it was well done. In my perfect world, we just THINK he died, but then at the end it is revealed he's still alive! How? Well, Doc gave him CPR! Doc isn't dead either, that is integral you see. I'm not sure of Sarge going "Hurgh Bleh" would have been better or WORSE. Well, heck. I wish he wasn't dead, but as much as I hate it, I... didn't totally hate it?

I kind of wish Simmons had more of a break-down over it. I wanna see him lose his temper. OR, he acts so quiet and cold, it is just UNNERVING. Then Grif helps snap him out of it. Let's be real, those two are so co-dependant, it ain't even funny. I appreciate Simmons telling Grif he is officially free to leave, and the conversation of "Come with me" leading to Simmons saying he wants to see this through, and Grif agreeing to come along was good. Simmons has aspired to be an impressive soldier from the beginning, and Grif has just wanted to be DONE. In the end, they meet in the middle.

I may be a sappy Grimmons person, but I can say, as objectively as possible, they should NOT be separated at the end. Grif and Simmons are literally the introduction to the series. They were the first two characters we see, they have been side by side almost CONSTANTLY, they are always bickering but they are also each other's favorite person. I don't even mean in a shippy way, it is just a fact. To have them say good-bye and just leave each other is honestly out of character (we saw that before, remember, in 15; Grif got so guilty about it, Simmons came to the realization that opposites attract, and they finally had to admit they missed each other. it was a WHOLE THING). I think it would have worked if, after telling Grif he's free to leave at the end, Simmons waits minute, then starts following him-

Grif; What are you doing?

Simmons; Coming with you. What the hell else would I do?

And that is that, wherever they do, they're together. Also, Kai shows up and HUGS HER BRO, come on, please!

Now, as a sappy Grimmons person, they should have just gone through with it. It has been more than 20 years. Seriously. We all know it. People who don't even care about the ship know it. Just commit to the freaking bit. Stop being cowards. Let them hold hands, or hug, or gently bump the visor of their helmets together, SOMETHING. Show them taking a walk on the beach together, all lovey-dovey. We deserve some emotional satisfaction after a 2 decade queer-bait slow-burn. JUST DO IT.

Sigh... OK, that is out of my system.

My absolute FAVORITE thing in 19 was Tex. She was so freaking PERFECT. I love Caboose telling the unit a story, his way of bringing her back, because that was how he talked to Epsilon. It was so sweet. When they asked Caboose why he brought her back instead of Church, he told them- "Because I wanted to win". Listen, Caboose LOVES Church, but he knows what is up. It was hilarious to see her go through the teleporter to get her black armor back. I absolutely ADORED her saying she's NOT a "failure" anymore, because she's not just based on the Director's memories of losing his wife, she's also got the memories of the guys who REMEMBER HER KICKING THEIR ASSES. 100 percent, Tex return was the best. Her reuniting with Church was also very sweet... the only thing I would have liked more would be the other Fragments showing up in there, so they can all be together (and Church gives Theta a hug; he doesn't even need his memories yet, he just knows he loves Theta).

I didn't care much for deleting the Fragments at the end, but I get the "reasoning". Like, sure. Fine. In my perfect world, Caboose gives the unit to Carolina, so someday, when they're all "ready to wake up again", she can see her family. Wash taking the fall to alert Carolina was both kinda wonky, but also very funny, and hey- it got her there! Again, I don't know why she wasn't there with Wash from the beginning. Also, just. A few characters being dead, and most of the others splitting up at the end... nah. They all need to live together and be friends and be happy and be OK! Like, come on. They've had a lot of "endings" in this series that were bitter-sweet, or kind of sad. I know life doesn't always have a happily ever after... but just once, give them that.

OH, and ANOTHER THING; if things had been just slightly different, if both the Fragments and Tucker sort of "forgot" who they are, the way to remind Tucker should have been JUNIOR. Heck, maybe Carolina was off finding Tucker's kid, and when they come back Junior gets his dad to remember who he really is... but the suit is still controlling him, forcing him to fight. I just want a happy Tucker family reunion. Give that kid his daddy back. Even if Junior isn't there for the big conflict, he should have shown up at the end, with Tucker promising they won't be separated again.

Well, that sure was a lot! The final season was a lot, in a short amount of time! Again, I wish certain things were different, but I'm happy I could see it. Even after everything, all the good and bad parts, I know that it still isn't "the end". I've got a lot of ideas for stories, and so do many other fans out there. I know people are going to keep sharing their thoughts, creating their art, telling their stories... because a universe without stories? That's just empty space.

Bow-chicka-Bye Now!

[matchadobo]

KIDD; eustass kidd as a college student

summary: my headcanons of kidd as a college student in the modern world. no dfs here. part two here tw: afab!reader, nothing sussy here dw

* studies metallurgy or mechanical engineering

* insanely good at physics and chemistry 🫦

* but very emotionally and people dumb

* would wear graphic tees with rolled sleeves, ripped jeans, ankle boots

* eyeliner and lipstick on AT ALL TIMES

* is always late to class

* would be an overachiver

* makes every little thing a competition

* however, not an active student. he's just active when he wants to speak up about something he knows

* the typa student who does last minute reviews before exams and/or quizzes yet still manage to get a high mark

* lives in dorms with the other kidd pirates

* always have boys' nights where they just watch horror and scare each other, play games, or just get drunk

* not active in extracurriculars, he couldn't care less (unless it's related to his course or he's interested abt something it offers)

* know him as "that one hot redhead who always has a frown in his face and always gets into fights with the professors"

* would always banter with profs; not to disrespect them, but he's smart enough to butt heads with the professors. although his intention is to purely state what he knows is right, he always ends up disrespecting them bc of his language and attitude and gets demerits lmao

* kidd as a groupmate is a pain in the ass; he never replies and only does when he feels like it—which is rarer than rare. he replies to comply on the day before the deadline 🤬

* whenever there's debates, he's your man. mans got no filter and actually say stuff that no one wants to (e.g. controversies like church vs state, gray areas, taboos, gov't corruption, etc.), but only with a foul language

* submits tasks late 😫

* his handwriting is like this. he don't care abt pen width, brand, and type

* would visit nightclubs and bars seldomly, have hook ups and flings here and there but nothing was serious enough for him to go crazy for. he'd be with them one night max, he's the type of guy to leave afterwards 😭

his relationship with you:

* if you were just a blockmate he'd never even bat an eye at you let alone know you exist

- unless you caught his eye bc of your attractiveness physically or mentally

- if you haven't done anything remarkable to catch his attention, you're good as a rock to him

* if you're friends with him and is part of his circle:

- kidd being friends with you means that he can not only tolerate you but you can also measure up to and endure his feistyness

- that is tantamount to him being interested with you

- whenever a topic is blurry to you, he'd call you "dumb, birdbrain, shit for brains, etc" each time he explains and you still don't understand. but he would always accurately and patiently piece it out for you step by step, there's just some harshness that comes with it

- would always treat you to his and yours' favorite place after school whenever he sees you tired and bummed out after classes. would always tell you that "cmon i'll feed you some real fuckin' food, better than those ugly ass instant noodles you always have at your dorms." secretly loves seeing you eat and be full after meals

- each time your circle goes out, he'd always be seated next to you, is always close to you, or keeps an eye on you saying "you'll kill yourself with your dumb ass if i don't keep an eye on you." but that's just an excuse, cuz he likes looking at you

- study dates! well, he refuses to call them dates; just like how he refuses his feelings towards you. but would always insist on regularly doing this

> he doesn't really need the study dates, he's smart enough to excel on his own. he just wants an excuse to spend time with you, be close to you, teach you, make you laugh, and eat with you

- would he confess? he would, drunk. it'd start when you ask him to stop since he had too much to drink, he'll cup your face and tell you with flushed cheeks as his breath stinks from alcohol, he'll proclaim how much he adores you and how cute you are. he'll regret it in the morning and would avoid you for days.

- when you two get together, you two are inseparable. pda is clear as day. he's clingy af, would always link arms with you during lectures, rubbing circles on your soft skin. would let you put your thighs over his lap and stroke them fondly. when you put your head down during class as a result from weariness, his fingers with red-lacquered nails combs through your hair to soothe you. would always have an arm around you, whether above your shoulder or waist.

- his go to destressing activity is game/movie night with you and his circle

dreamy sighs 0~0

[m1dnyt3-w0lf]

Chapter 4: A Flash of Blue and Red

Word count: 4,369

Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3

Jess hovered at the doorway with a skeptical look on her face. It took everything in me not to just push her out and close the door in her face so I could start my plan. Patience was a talent I did not carry.

“Are you sure you don't want to try other jobs? I mean, it's still light out.” She asks for the millionth time.

“I'm sure. Besides, my nerves are already worked up as it is with the applications I did. I'd rather not work myself sick with anxiety, you know?” I insist. Finally, Jess relented. She sighed and offered an apologetic smile.

“You're right. Sorry if I was overwhelming you, I just wanna help.” She says with a sigh.

“No worries, I appreciate it, really.” I reassure her with a smile. A silence drops between us. I awkwardly sway from one foot to the other. “So…”

“Oh, right, silly me.” Jess chuckles. “I'll see you when I see you then.”

“Bye.” I give another smile and a wave. Hopefully, not too soon.

She gives another wave and starts walking down the hall towards the elevator. I close the door and let out a sigh and drop my shoulders. Dealing with people was exhausting. I needed to wait for her to leave the complex and then the radius completely before I could even think about going to the nearby shops. I figured thirty minutes was a good limit. Just gotta figure out how to kill thirty minutes. Doom scrolling on my phone was tempting, especially since I haven't received any of my boxes yet.

I managed to unlock my phone and hover my thumb over an app until my mind cruelly reminded me I had dishes to wash. I groaned, dreading the act. I debated leaving the dishes for a while before deciding on doing them. Maybe this'll earn me some roommate brownie points or something.

I looked at the mess Miguel left from cooking. He said he would wash the dishes when he came back from work. I clicked my tongue a couple of times and tapped my fingers on the counter, thinking. Fuck it, I can't handle a messy kitchen. I get the pans submersed in water while I start the rest of the dishes. It took a hot minute but I got them all done. I huff and check the time.

Perfect. An hour had passed, which meant Jess would be long gone. I hurry to dry my hands and grab my things before rushing out the door. If I move fast enough, I should be done by late afternoon. My body buzzed with excitement as I walked out of the building and followed the trail on my phone.

"Sorry. Excuse me. Pardon me." I muttered in a polite tone as I dodged and weaved through the crowded sidewalk. I was, for once, thankful for my tiny stature. I checked my phone several times to make sure I was staying on track. I knew I was prone to getting lost, so any way I could prevent that was greatly welcomed. Last thing I needed was to call Miguel to come rescue me.

"Thank you so much for your time." I thank the sandwich shop owner who returned my polite smile.

"Thank you for applying!" She gave me a wave as I exited the shop. I stepped to the side of the door as I took out my phone to see what was next in my route. I had applied to three jobs, four now, and decided on one more application before calling it quits and heading home. I made excellent time as it was still mid-afternoon.

I settled for the nearby bakery and headed in the direction the route took me. The sidewalk wasn't as crowded in this part, which I was thankful for. I hummed along to my music as I took a turn and walked down the length before taking another turn. I come to a sudden halt, seeing a wall in front of me.

"What the—" I take out my phone to look at the route. I had taken my turn much too early. I turned around to head back the way I came, eyes still on my screen as I double-checked my mistake.

“Wrong turn, Miss?” A man’s voice called out to me. I looked up with a look of surprise. The man in front of me looked like an average Caucasian man.

“Oh, uh, yeah.” I answer simply as I move to the side to walk past the man. He followed my move, making me stop.

“Where are you headed? Do you have the location on your phone? Let me see, I can take you there.” He says with a smile. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Something about his smile felt off.

“Oh, no, I’m good. It’s nearby. I just need to backtrack a bit.” I answer, trying to sidestep again. Again, he followed. My heart began to thunder in my chest.

“Come on, just let me see your phone so you don’t make another wrong turn.” He insists, stepping closer. Shit, shit, shit, shit. I fake a smile and chuckle a bit nervously as I stand my ground.

“No, it’s fine, really!” I insist as I pocket my phone, his eyes watching my movement closely. Attempting to phone Miguel or the police was impossible at this point. My only hope was to somehow escape to the sidewalk. I glance behind him at the thought, only to see said sidewalk empty. Wow, what happened to “the city that never sleeps”? My eyes focus back on the man, taken aback to see him closer than before and forcing me to take a couple of steps back to keep the distance between us.

“Listen, Miss, just hand over the phone, and you can get on your merry way.” He says, never dropping his smile that seemed to get creepier and creepier as the interaction progressed. He continues to advance, and I continue to back away. His advances eventually push me back behind the corner, out of sight of the sidewalk. Now, I was really in trouble. I could feel my fear slowly overwhelm my body and kick in my fight or flight. My eyes dart around for both an escape and a weapon, but nothing proved suitable or even chance-worthy. My surroundings were nothing but garbage bags and soggy cardboard. I look back at the man, his smile sinister.

“H-hey, man, I’m just trying to pass by.” I try to reason, my confident tone betrayed by my stutter.

“And you will, after you give me that phone.” He says nonchalantly. My back meets the wall.

“Listen, we can be buddies, right?”

“Of course we can. And buddies give their buddies their phone.” He grins. “And their wallets.”

Great, now he wants my wallet, too. I think bitterly.

“Not always…”

“Sometimes they do. This is one of those times.” He replies, now only a few feet away.

“Look, you don’t have to do this.”

“What if I want to?”

“Well, uh, ya see—” My words die in my throat and get replaced with a scream when he launches himself and roughly grabs my arms, pinning me against the wall.

Then he was screaming.

His hands were torn away from me as his scream got further away. My eyes widened as I watched him just suddenly launch backward away from me. I was left to gape at him in silence. Another man dropped down from above, then slowly stood. His hulking figure faced the first man, giving a beautiful view of all of his back muscles. I couldn't help the slow trail of my eyes down his back.

Holy shit, that's an ass. I thought as I stared. The man turned his head over his shoulder to look at me. I snapped my eyes up to his face, or rather “face” since he was wearing a mask, as my cheeks bloomed red. He turned back forward, but the perpetrator had already run away.

My heart hammered in my chest as I watched the man turn to me. Even with a few paces between us, he still easily cleared over me. I gulp, never in a million years thinking this would happen to me.

“Spider-man.” I whisper softly. The giant man clad in blue and red narrowed his eyes, at least, I think they're his eyes, at me. He started to advance, and I backed up instinctively only to bang my head against the wall behind me. I hiss and rub at the spot, cursing myself for forgetting about it. I looked up at Spider-man and gasped. He was already right in front of me with his hands on his waist. I, once again, couldn't help my wandering eyes. Why did he look so good?!

“You need to be more careful.” He said. I blink and look back up at him.

“Come again?” I asked, not having heard him. His eyes narrowed more as he sighed.

“I said, ‘be more careful.’ You could've gotten seriously hurt if I wasn't there to save you.” He scolded. His voice sounded distorted as if he had a crappy mic. It wasn't too hard to understand, but it sure made things a little harder to hear.

“Oh, uh, yeah, I know. I just had a…bad stroke of luck.” I say with a nervous chuckle. His hands lifted off his hips to instead be crossed across his chest. My eyes looked at the movement before quickly looking away.

“Right.” He sounded unconvinced. “I'm taking you home.”

“What? No, wait, I still have a couple more places to apply to!” I tried to argue. Suddenly, his face was directly in front of mine.

“Home. Now.” He growled out, the sound coming out deeper than intended…I think.

“Okay.” I squeaked out. He stood again and lent me his hand. I looked at it for a moment.

"It's a hand. You're supposed to take it." He tells me. My cheeks color in embarrassment.

"Yeah, I know that." I place my hand in his. He gives me a quick tug, and I yelp as I'm lifted clean off the ground and into his strong arms. His arms find a home around my waist while my arms are quick to find a home wrapped around his neck. I feel my cheeks flush.

"A warning would've been nice." I huff at him. He only responds in a chuckle. He shifts his hold on me, freeing one arm while the other holds me against him. The touch sends a shiver down my spine. I huff again, mostly out of embarrassment.

“You might want to hold on.” He tells me. I look at him with confusion.

“Wait, why?”

“I warned you.” I open my mouth to respond, but my words quickly die into a scream when he shoots out a laser-like web and propels us up into the air. I wrap my limbs around him like a koala and squeeze tightly. There’s a moment of weightlessness where I felt like I was floating. If it weren’t for Spider-man’s hold on me, I probably would’ve floated away.

Then came the dive.

I pressed myself against my supposed hero as a scream came tearing out of my throat. Fear coursed through me as my fight or flight kicked in once again at the sudden sense of plummeting towards earth. My eyes had screwed shut long ago, and, frankly, that probably made the feeling worse. Almost as soon as it began, the rise shot us back up into the air. I gasped, feeling like the air was being rushed out of me. Then, the weightless feeling. The fall. Rinse and repeat. I screamed myself hoarse and to the point of tears. I was practically crying from the experience. The masked man carrying me at least had some courtesy to stop on a rooftop and allow me a break.

“You’re shaking.” He comments casually. Oh gee, I wonder why I could possibly be shaking. Couldn't possibly be because I was just launched through the air against my will.

“Shut up.” I whisper weakly instead. He helped me down, keeping a firm but gentle hand on my arm to keep me balanced. My legs shook from the fright and the sudden need to hold my own weight. I took several, shuddering, deep breaths as I attempted to brush my windblown hair back into something presentable again. “You swing like you’ve never had a passenger before.”

“My passengers are usually escaping death,” he replies. I shut my mouth immediately. I probably sounded like an ungrateful Karen with the way I was complaining. I've seen all the videos of Spider-man saving people. All of them in some kind of life-ending trouble that made him need to sweep them away as quickly as possible.

“Right, sorry.” I mutter sincerely. I shifted uncomfortably. “What I meant to say was thank you for saving my life.” He tilts his head a bit at me. It was impossible to see what he was thinking with his face covered. Not even his body language was giving anything away.

“You’re welcome.” He says. I nod and clear my throat.

“Ready to go again?” He asked. I nodded.

“Yeah.” I let him pick me up again, my cheeks once again flaring up in the usual red hue. I turn my face away from him and look out into the city beyond. I didn't recognize anything around me. Then again, I didn't make a regular habit hanging out on rooftops. I furrow my brows as a realization hits me. I turn my head to look at the side of his face. “Wait, I haven't told you where I lived yet.”

I feel his entire body freeze and stiffen, his muscles turning rock solid under my hands. The act only made me blush more, but I did my best to ignore it. I watched him keep his gaze away from mine, waiting for a response.

“I…no, you didn’t.” he responded simply. I nervously tap my fingers along his back, feeling the muscles ripple slightly under my touch.

“Is this a bad time to tell you I don’t actually know the address?” He snapped his head towards me, our noses touching from the sudden turn. I yelp and move my head back to allow some space between us.

“What?!” If I wasn't held securely against him, I would’ve jumped.

“I just moved here, and I'm not the best with directions.” I mutter. He groaned and used his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose.

“¿Que la chingada, que voy hacer contigo?” He muttered to himself. I blinked. Spider-man spoke Spanish? I couldn’t recall any news article or post talking about him speaking Spanish. I squirreled this information away for later.

“I know the name of the apartments, though!” I try to reassure. The “eyes” of his mask narrow at me.

“Tell me.”

“Tempest Apartments.” I tell him. He nods.

“I know where that is. Hold on.” Immediately, I held onto him tighter. He headed to the edge and jumped off. I had to bite the inside of my cheek so I wouldn't scream again. I felt bad that I might've blown out his eardrum with my screaming earlier. However, the suppressed screams turned into tears that squeezed out and slid down my face. I tightened my hold as much as I could in an effort to feel some type of safe while hundreds of feet in the air. Whimpers left my mouth each time we fell in the swing. It might've been my delirious mind, but I swore I felt his arm tighten its hold on me. It felt oddly comforting, weirdly enough.

We made it to our destination after what felt like hours. He helped me down like before. I couldn't deny how a powerful being like him being gentle fascinated me. I've seen clips of him bending metal like bread, and yet, here he was holding me like a porcelain doll. I felt my body come alive at the thought. My mind also went haywire with story ideas I could be writing for weeks.

“Miss?” I blink my focus back on Spider-man.

“Oh, sorry, what was that?” I ask. He sighs.

“I was telling you to get into the basket.” he motions to the webbing on the ground. I look at it in confusion.

“Wait what?”

“I’m going to send you down into the alley over here. Then you can go into the apartments safely.” He explained in an annoyed manner. I wince a bit at his tone.

“Why couldn't you just land me in front of the apartment or something? You’re Spider-man, aren't you?”

“I’m also a wanted vigilante, or did you forget?” He retorted. I open my mouth to speak but quickly close it.

“Right, sorry.” I looked at the basket of webs. I eyed it suspiciously. “Is it going to hurt?”

“They look like lasers, but they dont feel like them.” He reassures me.

“Can it support me?”

He looked from me to the webs and back to me. “I swing on these webs. Why wouldn’t they support you?”

Can’t argue with that logic. I thought. I chewed my lip and shifted from one foot to the other.

“You…you’re not going to drop me, right?” I looked up to where I guessed his gaze was. I saw his body visibly shift. He no longer seemed intimidating or superhero-esque. He had shifted into something more human, I guess? For lack of a better way to describe it. He moved closer and gently held my arms. He pulled himself closer to me, crouching slightly to meet my face with his. My eyes widened at the gesture, feeling completely seen for a moment.

“I didn’t drop you while swinging, right?” He asked me. It wasn't condescending or sarcastic. It was a genuine question. I shake my head in response, eyes still on him. “Exactly. Can you trust me not to drop you now as well?”

“Yeah, I can trust you.” I say finally with a slow breath. He nods and moves away, his hands slowly sliding off my arms. The action left a tingling feeling in its wake. I take another slow breath. I walk over to the basket of webs. He helped me step in and sit me down onto the webbing, shifting me a bit so my weight was properly dispersed. He then created a sort of pulley system with his hands and pulled on the web to pull me off the ground. I yelped a bit as everything shifted. I desperately clung onto the webbing around me. It felt silky to the touch but clung to my skin like syrup. It was a very odd texture.

“You okay?” He asked, to which I responded with a quick nod. He gave a small nod back and moved me closer to the edge. I cautiously looked down and gulped. We were several stories high, and I wanted nothing more than for this moment to end.

“I'm going to start lowering you down.” His words sent a shock of panic through me.

“Wait!”

“What’s wrong?” He immediately asks. I take a slow breath to calm my nerves.

“N-nothing, I’m ready.”

“Are you sure?” I nod at his question.

“Just hurry up before I psych myself out.” So he starts lowering me down. I started to look down, but he called my attention.

“Hey, hey, no. Look at me.” I looked up at him immediately. “That’s it. Keep your eyes on me.”

I suck in a breath and swear I feel my heartbeat stall a moment. My eyes are glued to him, and only him, the rest of the world fades. I didn't want to disappoint Spider-man. Slowly, he gets further and further away from me as the sounds of the nearby street become louder and louder.

“You're doing so good,” he calls down. “Tell me how you're feeling right now.”

“I’m doing fine.” I called back up. The urge to look down to see how much longer I had to go ran through me.

“Good, good. Say, are you new to this side of New York?” My mind immediately lost the thought.

“What?”

“Are you new to this side of New York?” He repeated.

“Oh, uh, yeah, you could say that.”

“Explains why you don't know your way around.”

“Yeah, well…” I let my words trail off.

“You should be more careful, maybe get someone to show you around.”

“That's what my roommate says.”

“Your roommate is a smart guy.”

“I never said he was a guy.” I squint my eyes up at him, no longer to see any defining features other than his figure. I felt my butt hit the ground, a yelp escaping my throat. The web goes slack enough for me to crawl out with ease. I stand and brush at my pants before looking up at Spider-man.

Except he was gone.

I blink in surprise. Where did he go? And how did he run off so fast? I swear my eyes were not away for long. I furrowed my brows as I scanned where he was standing. My eyes latched onto the abandoned web and trailed down to the limp basket at my feet. I hum a bit. No one was going to believe me that I was saved by Spider-man.

“Not without evidence.” I take out my phone and snap several pictures and take a video. I lift the web basket and spin it around. I expected the web to have some weight to it, but it didn't. It was just as weightless as a normal web. It gave off a dim, red glow that I was sure glowed like a neon sign at night. It was a wonder how he’s eluded anyone with these as his transportation.

A car honked, making me jump and snap out of my thoughts. I looked toward the street. I needed to get home. I dropped the webs and hurried onto the sidewalk, making a speedy trip into the complex and up to the apartment. My mind was reeling with the events, ripping apart every bit of the interaction. I enter the apartment with my head very far away.

So far away, in fact, I didn't even notice Miguel on the couch.

“How was job hunting?” He asks, his voice dangerously calm. I freeze on my walk to my room. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end, and a cold sweat began to develop. I slowly turned to Miguel, who had shifted his head enough to just barely look at me from the corner of his eye. He sat with his arms crossed and a frown on his lips. Talk about a disappointed dad pose.

“Uh, it was good! I applied to a lot of places, and Jess even showed me a couple of other places to apply to.” I say with a smile, appearing nonchalant. Maybe if I played it cool, he wouldn't suspect a thing.

“That so?”

“Mhm! And it's been a long day, I think I’m go-”

“Sit down with me first.” Shit.

“What was that?” I hoped I heard wrong.

“I said ‘sit down with me.’” Nope, I didn't hear wrong. I chew the inside of my cheek as I walk over and sit on the opposite end of the couch. I can feel my nerves start to creep up on me. Miguel kept his eyes on me like a hawk as I sat. I gulp and clasp my hands together.

“So, uh, what's up?”

“How many jobs did you apply to?”

“Uh, I actually didn't keep count.” Which was true.

“And you just got home with Jess from applying?” I saw the trap from a mile away. Jess probably told him when she dropped me off. I sigh.

“No.” I mumble. There was a thick silence following my response.

“I told you, you can't go out on your own.” He says after a bit, effectively breaking the silence. He sounded disappointed.

“Miguel, I'm a grown woman! You can't just have someone babysit me every time I want to go out!” I argue immediately, hating my loss of independence.

“Until you know your way through these streets, I will!” He argued. “This isn't Hollywood! New Yorkers can smell a newcomer from a mile away!”

“I know that-”

“No, I don't think you do. Otherwise, you wouldn't have pulled this stunt!”

“I just walked out!”

“You were reckless!”

“I can take care of myself!”

“No, you can't!”

“How stupid do you think I am?!”

“Stupid enough to pull this stunt, clearly!” Silence befell us, our glares rivalring the other’s. I felt tears start to prick my eyes and was forced to look away. He was right. I could've gotten hurt, or worse, if Spider-man wasn't there to save me. I let out a shuddering sigh, accepting defeat.

“I won't go out alone again.” I mumbled. I could practically see the tension melt away.

“I know it seems unfair, but this is for your safety.” I hear him say behind me. “Can you look at me, please?”

I turn to look at him with a soft huff. He looked sympathetic.

“I’m sorry for calling you stupid, I'm just worried about your safety. I’m glad you got home safe, though.” I debated on telling him about my encounter with Spider-man.

“Thank you.” I say, deciding it was probably best to make him think nothing bad happened. All that worry can’t be good on his cholesterol or something. He stared me down for a moment before relenting.

“I’m going to wash those dishes, and we can order in for dinner. Get a chance to get to know each other better.” He says. He starts to get up before I stop him.

“Oh, actually, I washed your dishes for you.” He looks at me.

“You did?”

“Mhm.” I reply with a nod.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” I say. The energy between us once again feels chill. He sits back down.

“How do you feel about Chinese?” He asks, grabbing his phone out of his pocket. I smile.

“Sounds good.”

Translations

Ch 5

Tags: @crocs-blogs @madschiavelique @arithestrawberry @eveandtheturtles @obi-mom-kenobi @thelaundrybitch @symmetricalkazekage @raphsmuneca @tojishugetiddies @kazunewolfwood-blog

[subbe93]

It Has Always Been You, Epilogue

A/N: So, here we are! Another fic has come to its end. And like with other fics, I feel sad because I have worked with this so long, so it feels a little empty when you are done, like: “I’m not going to work with this one anymore.” But I still feel proud that I got this fic done! It makes me happy to know that I have finished another fic, especially now that I’m also studying!

About the next one: I don't know when I will get the next fic out because... well, I have studies to do, but I haven't decided what I'm going to write next, so... xD Most of you have asked for a new Arranged Marriage fic, so probably the next one is it. But I have also been interested in the idea of some kind of Wild West AU where Shinichi spends his time helping sheriff/s to keep order in their town even though he isn’t sheriff himself (maybe he is too young to be one?). But one day he would meet a young bandit woman/girl - and you guessed right, she is Ran x) -, and they would get to know each other and fall in love! But like I said, I'm not sure which one I’m going to work on next (because I know some of you have waited for requests so long!), but we will see!

But yeah, I hope you have enjoyed this fic! I also want to thank all the likes, comments, and reblogs, they mean so much to me ❤ Thank you so much for being here and following this story even though you have waited chapters long time ❤ Thank you ❤

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

Epilogue:

“I’m really sorry about everything, Julia.”

Ran observed how that American woman lifted her head and looked at Shinichi. Her eyes were red from crying, yet she tried to smile. Ran felt bad because even though Shinichi said otherwise, she still felt like she was the one who had made those tears, the one who had made that woman’s life miserable. It was her fault that Shinichi had broken up with that woman, who genuinely seemed to love Shinichi. Ran couldn’t even guess how it must feel when all this time Julia had believed in marrying that man who had now left her for another woman. Though Ran also knew that Shinichi didn’t feel too good about it either, but like he had said, love was never easy.

Ran would have loved to say something to that woman, make her feel even somehow better, but she also knew that there wasn’t anything that would make Julia feel better. The time would be the best healer.

And when she thought about it, maybe she wasn’t the right person to say anything.

“I am too”, Julia answered.

“Are you going to be okay?” Shinichi asked, looking worried. “I mean… I don’t feel excellent to let you go before we had talked about this and make sure we are fine.”

“It’s okay, Shinichi”, Julia said and Ran felt a little jealous when she saw how Julia raised her hands on Shinichi’s chest. “I’m fine and I understand and probably with time I also agree with this even though right now this feels very unfair. To… let go of someone you love. But…” Then she looked at Shinichi. “But I believe you know the feeling.”

“Very well”, Shinichi answered. “And more than that, I hate to be the one who makes you feel like that.”

“I know, Shinichi, I really do”, she answered gently. “But I need a little time to deal with this. But as I promised, we would talk about this more as soon as I am ready. Okay?”

“Yeah”, Shinichi answered. And then they hugged. And even though it felt cute and touching and Ran was happy that this breakup was friendly and not full of hate and jealousy, she couldn’t ignore that one feeling…

“Okay, Ran-chan”, Ran heard Yukiko say, making her take her eyes away from Shinichi and Julia. Yukiko was smiling brightly, which kind of made her feel relieved. To be honest, Shinichi’s parents had taken it pretty well when Shinichi and Ran had met them for breakfast and told them what had happened. Even though Ran had known Shinichi’s parents like forever and they were the nicest and kindest people Ran knew, she had been so scared to meet them again. In the end, she and Shinichi broke up because of her, and now Shinichi has broken up with his fiancee because of Ran. But they had been kind and welcoming, even though they had also been worried about Julia.

But that was only understandable. And Ran was too. But she was happy that Julia even had someone who would travel back to America with her and maybe be there for her too. Someone who would make sure that she would be okay.

Because Shinichi would stay in Japan - at least for now.

“Promise to take good care of our little Shin-chan?” Yukiko said and took her into a tight hug.

Ran let out a laugh and hugged back. That was so familiar because it wasn’t the first time that Yukiko had said that to her. “I will”, she promised. Sadly, she still caught Julia saying something, which went like this: “If you ever get tired of her, remember that I’m the next on the line, okay?” Shinichi laughed, but she couldn’t hear the answer, because Yukiko let go of her and smiled looking a little sad.

“And remember call from time to time”, she continued. “Because Shin-chan doesn’t…”

“Let him be, Yukiko”, Yusaku interrupted gently. “Shinichi would call when he feel like it.”

“But…”

“And the same goes if she gets tired of you”, Ran caught Julia saying, and instead of listening to Yukiko’s and Yusaku’s conversation, her centralization went to Julia and Shinichi. “You are always welcome back to me.”

And as an answer, Shinichi still smiled and said: “Well, I keep that in my mind.”

Ran turned to look at those two to see that they were done with huggings. And Yukiko just went to them while Julia moved aside. “Shin-chan, are you sure you’re going to be fine?” she asked and hugged Shinichi tightly.

“Mom, I’m an adult.”

“But you’re still my little boy…”

Hearing that groan as an answer made Ran smile, but she turned her eyes to Julia, who also looked at those two. Even though she felt a little uneasy and jealous after those little conversations that she had heard Julia and Shinichi to talk, part of her still felt bad and she still wanted to apologize about this. And maybe now that the parents were saying goodbyes to their son, she decided this would be her chance.

“Julia-san?”

Light blue eyes turned to look at her, and if she had looked at Shinichi softly, now her facial expression hardened. Ran felt bad being the reason for that cold behavior, but she hoped that one day she could forgive her. In the end, what she had learned about Julia, she seemed to be a nice person.

“I want to apologize for everything”, Ran said and bowed deeply. “I know it’s my fault that this happened and you need to go through all this…” Then she straightened and smiled. “But if there is something I can help with, don’t hesitate to ask.” And that’s all she could promise.

Julia just stared at her for a moment before she started to smile slowly, but it wasn’t a warm or friendly smile. “Well, all you can do now is take better care of him than last time.”

It was kind of a spike in her heart, but maybe she deserved that. “I will”, she promised.

“Good”, Julia said. “And if you don’t, don’t worry: I will take him back and ensure you won’t hurt him ever again.”

“It’s time to go”, Yusaku’s voice said, making Julia break eye contact and leave Ran there, looking after her. They said their last goodbyes, which Ran participated too, but somehow she couldn’t concentrate on it. Even though she knew that Julia had probably said those words just because she was angry with her - and she knew that if she would break up with Shinichi again, he would deserve a woman like Julia -, it left her chill. Like it was a threat.

Well, that it probably was, but it was a harmless one. Ran knew it. She also knew that the reason why she took it so personally was because she still felt guilty for this break-up and Julia hadn’t said that with a friendly tone. And there was also the truth that she could have handled her break up with Shinichi a little better five years ago.

“You shouldn’t take her words too seriously, you know.”

Ran looked at Shinichi who still looked after his parents and Julia. But it made something tightening in her chest. How much he had heard?

“What are you talking about?” Ran asked, trying to look like she had no idea what he was talking about. But Shinichi looked at her with that smile that he had when he had discovered something crucial for his deduction.

“That Julia would take me back if you got tired of me”, he said and turned. “She is just angry, but she would get over this”, he continued and walked to the windows. Ran followed with her eyes as he leaned on the railing in front of them and just looked outside all those planes.

He wasn’t wrong, but this probably would take some time for all of them, to get over and get okay with everything they had done and said. She was happy that this hadn’t been any kind of war, but it was still the truth Julia was heartbroken and both Shinichi and Ran felt bad for it. And it would take some time - even for her and Shinichi - to accept this and live with it. And probably the most crucial thing would be the talk with Julia when she would be ready. Because only after she makes peace and gets over this, Shinichi and Ran would be ready to leave this behind.

And maybe somewhere deep down Ran was a little bit scared. Would Julia come back one day and fight back into his heart? Would she try to do something to sabotage his relationship with Ran? Or maybe Shinichi would realise one day that he was really in love with Julia and not with Ran? One day he would say that he would like to break up and return to Julia, and… and…

But maybe those were worthless thoughts that didn’t matter. There was no point in thinking about those now. Only time will show.

And it had been five years, she thought. Five years and Ran knew that she was still deeply in love with him, and what Shinichi had said, she believed he felt the same. If that time hadn’t broken them apart, she didn’t believe that it would happen any time soon. Maybe being apart from each other and experiencing different kinds of relationships had only made them stronger, taught them, and made them see differently. Made them see that maybe they couldn’t live without each other.

Maybe this only showed that they would always get back to each other.

And if Shinichi had stayed the same, Ran knew that he wouldn’t made lightly his decisions. If he had been ready to marry Julia, he wouldn’t have broken up with her on a whim. He wouldn’t have stayed in Japan without being sure of his feelings for Ran. He wouldn’t have stayed if he wouldn’t have been sure that he would have wanted to start over with her.

So she walked to him, touching his back gently when getting beside him. Shinichi turned his head to look at her.

“Are you regretting this already?” she asked with a smile, and even though she said it as a joke, she needed to know that he was sure about this. In the end, he hadn’t had weeks or even days to think about this through. He didn’t have a home, no property, no… well, not anything else than the luggage he had brought from America and everything that was inside.

Shinichi started to smile and looked back outside from the window. “I don’t”, he answered. “Well, maybe a little bit, because I just stayed behind and didn’t let any of my friends know. And honestly, I’m a little bit worried about Julia.”

Ran turned her eyes out from the window.

“But staying with you feels the right thing to do.”

When Ran turned to look at him again, she saw how he straightened himself before turning to look at her, putting his hand around Ran and pulling her closer.

“But you don’t have anything with you”, Ran said. “And this all happened so fast.”

Shinichi smiled. “But I have you”, he said, making Ran blush. “And that’s all I need.”

“Smooth talker”, Ran said and looked away even though her cheeks were burning.

Shinichi laughed and she felt a kiss on her cheek before he made her turn and took her into his gentle embrace. She felt a kiss on her head.

“Whatever”, she heard him say. “But I have to admit: right here, right now, this is the first time in five years I feel like I’m home.”

She felt how he leaned his head against hers, and for some unexplained reason, she felt tears in her eyes. Ran leaned on him while his arms tightened around her, hugging her tightly. She let her head lean on his shoulder, closing her eyes and feeling that familiar warmth, letting those tears escape. Maybe she understood him now while being in this only place where she felt safe and good. Where she felt like a home. Like this was the only place where she belonged. For this - for him, she would have dropped everything else if it would mean that she could have been with him.

And she realised how much she had missed him all these years.

Yeah. This was the only place where she belonged.

“Welcome back home”, she said, trying to tighten her grip around him. She wouldn’t let him go ever again. Never.

~ The End ~ 

[lauren-ce]

Apologies if I'm being nosy, but I just have to ask how you ended up in the Evrart Chair and also how fucked up does a chair have to be to ruin someone's back?

I'm glad you asked! For those of you wondering, this is in regards to a fic I wrote recently. At the end I complained about having sat in a chair that fucked up my back severely enough that I had trouble walking for the next two weeks (I'm still recovering a month later).

I apologize, but I'm going to answer your question in the worst way possible by writing way too much. Story time!

There is a trend in architecture that took place in the 1950s which you've probably heard about! Brutalism. Overly Sarcastic Productions made an excellent video if you need a primer on the topic, but the gist of it can be boiled down to the following: concrete, functionality, utility, and more concrete (concrete was a very cheap postwar material that allowed war-torn countries to rebuild quickly)

As stated in the video, Brutalism was designed as the ultimate utilitarian style, made specifically to aim towards the ideal of a socialist utopia. Buildings for the people, made to fit their function. BUT WATCH OUT! Brutalism is often maligned as being imposing and monolithic, which is why it can be so readily confused with various types of hostile architecture, or architecture made to be the exact opposite of ergonomic. This is where the soul of brutalism dies (and why it looks so ugly: many people miss the point that it's meant to be useful and honest and not flashy).

UNFORTUNATELY, my ideal chair just so happens to look like the stuff of brutalist nightmares. It's the kind of chair that would make people cry, and yet my back is generally happiest in this specific kind of thing. I sit at the table and work on my computer a lot, so reclining is uncomfortable as it forces my neck to bend down (I'm tall). I like the hard edges because it means the chair is sturdy and won't break/squeak/move when I shift slightly. I like the straight back so I can't recline. My spine is in heaven.

All this to say, after breaking the one I usually use, I spent hours looking for a chair to fit my needs, and I thought I finally found one at World Market.

Pretty plum color, no? And the back looked like it would work, as the reclining angle was much less than many of the others I could find. So I went to test it out. It was VERY comfortable. That's where I made my first mistake:

I work on my feet. My entire job is done standing. ANY chair would feel comfortable after a day of standing! So I thought I'd picked a winner, and I took the bastard home and sat in it for four hours straight. And then when I tried to stand up again, I knew I was fucked. I had to shuffle to bed, and then I was in pain all night. Luckily it was the weekend and my wife was there to help me sit up and stuff, but still, my mood went into a downward spiral and for the next two weeks I was constantly icing my spine and using my heating pad while chugging painkillers. Lifting anything more than 5 pounds put too much pressure on my lower back, and standing up straight was too difficult since my back would seize and prevent me from breathing very well.

I'd get my revenge, but the chair got the last laugh. I had recovered enough to walk mostly normally, so I thought I'd bring the fucker back to World Market. I lifted it (with correct deadlift form, I might add): instant pain. I'd refucked my back. I managed to get rid of the chair (and get a refund), but I set my healing back a week in the process.

Anyway, there's your answer. "How fucked does a chair have to be to fuck up your back?" Not at all, unfortunately. I probably sit for longer periods of time than I should, but if there's one thing this stupid ramble is meant to stress, it's the importance of a good chair. I still haven't found a good replacement.

Take-away points: reclining chairs aren't automatically "good" for your back. Do your research! Instead of buying a gaming chair buy this, and never ever ever trust a chiropractor. (that last one has nothing to do with this story, but is just a good general rule.)

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

There's this rumors about the midnight suns movie (idk it it's confirmed) and they say moon knight is going to be in it? How do you think it would Work?

How do you think is he gonna interact with the rumoured members?? (According to am article and post in Twitter that I read) Since their different from the comics: dr.strange, wong, Elsa Bloodstone, Blade, Dane Whitman, Wanda,Agatha harkness,ghost rider, man-thing

Now I'll tell you what I think, but there's always the chance that it does happen and I'm completely wrong. So to the future people out there that find this, I'm more than happy to be wrong.

I think the Midnight suns as a movie is going to be a clusterfuck and perform terribly. The issue is that we are taking characters that have gotten shows and haven't been introduced yet to the MCU. And a movie is expecting you to come in with this knowledge. So there is the chance for a lot of people go come in and go "Why do I care about any of this?"

There's also the problem that they are anticipating this and making it more friendly to new audiences by watering down the characters. So you get Moon Knight standing in the background not saying much or you get cheap shots at his DID with no explanation and he comes across as quirky insane violent guy.

This happens in big team up comics too. Which is partly why I dislike them greatly. When you put together a large group from all over, you are either expected to know their background already and be thrilled to see them together, or they become just another figure standing vaguely in the background giving reaction shots to things that more popular characters say or do.

If they are going to do Midnight Suns, they need to give it a series with multiple episodes to cover all the characters properly. But even then... You'll notice that their other series on Netflix that did this didn't perform well at all. It had decent writing, excellent acting, and gave voice to the other characters, but the audience really didn't connect and it just kind of went bottom of the barrel in ratings.

This gives Marvel the idea that people just aren't interested in these lesser B rated characters (characters that aren't Captain America and Iron Man and Spider-man) and then they devote less time and money to them.

I mean, Marvel is already giving less time and money to their shows and even their movies. The CGI has dropped quality significantly. And with them putting everything into CGI and less practical effects, it just means that everything looks terrible. (Werewolf by Night my beloved you were beautiful and people need to devote more time and money into practical).

My fear with Moon Knight going into ANY big time movie that is not strictly about Moon Knight is what has happened to him in all the comics in the past that did this. He becomes a shape in the background and cheap pot shots about his mental health become gag worthy. He becomes that crazy guy that no one trusts because he is unpredictable and violent.

I WANT to see a show that brings in characters that are more on his level. I want to see a show with Jack Russel, Elsa Bloodstone, and Moon Knight. These are the OG of the Marvel Monster phase in comics. They started out together. They deserve to meet up.

Heck, Blade needs his own stuff first. I'd love to see Ghost Rider get a GOOD reboot and start to pal around with Frank Castel because those two love JUSTICE. (Though they are on different levels and there is the lack of development that would happen in that capacity).

I think the best thing Marvel has done so far in shows is having Frank show up in DD. Their diametrically opposed forces go SO well together and always have.

So on the line of who would go best with meeting up and working with Moon Knight? I'm back to Jack Russel and Elsa Bloodstone.

The MCU potential there is BEAUTIFUL. We have two comic book legends that have been given knew life through the MCU and are different than their comic book origins.

We have Jack Russel who understands what it is to be monstrous but also know that to be a monster is not to be evil. That often times the evil comes with being human.

Then we have Elsa who learned that of all the humans and life she has known, only the monster was the one who deserved pity and care.

Then we have Moon Knight... Well... You know what I think about Moon Knight because I could go on and on into another essay here.

SO ANYWAYS. I think Jumping into Midnight Suns is the wrong step. I think they need to work smaller and perhaps give back the Marvel Monster series. Get back to the start.

Give Werewolf by Night a series that explores the monsters and lesser liked characters. Get Man Thing back in here. Get Brother Voodoo and his zombies (though that has the potential in today's age to become Problematic if not handled with care, but amazing if done RIGHT)... Heck! Get Blade involved through this. Introduce the Vampires. (Reese in the MCU????? Yes Please).

SO yeah... I could be wrong. I'd love to be wrong and see how they do it and see it done well.... But I have concerns and honestly, I think Marvel has concerns too. They obviously WANT to do it. But two years in tells me that they still haven't figured out HOW to do it. And Oscar taking on more and more outside projects tells me that he also doesn't think they are doing it well either. (He said he'd only come back if he liked the script. That man has the right to be picky, bless him).

[danielfeketewrites]

DOCTOR WHO TOP 10 - 1st Doctor

So, I threatened to do this a while ago, and I'm finally ready. This is my first top 10 in a series of Doctor Who top 10s.

Expanded universe wil be included, always. Let's go.

10. A Big Hand for the Doctor

Out of the 11 Doctors, 11 stories anthology, this might be my favourite one? Although a few of the others are great as well.

It's just so... weird. I mean, all of those short stories are likely written by people with little to no knowledge of eu. So Colfer (who I am predisposed to like, because I loved Artemis Fowl as a kid) isn't tied to... I dunno, Quinnis? Operation Proteus? He's probably never even heard of them. So he creates a glimpse of a whole new NewWho-esque era that takes place before Totter's Lane. One that (unlike the one presented in Fugitive of the Judoon) seems actually fun and interesting.

The 1st Doctor had a cybernetic arm for all of his episodes. Why? Because why the fuck not.

9. The Savages

Whenever some weird incel on the internet says "Doctor Who was never about politics!", the correct answer to that is "Shut the fuck up and go watch The Savages." Or it would be, if any of it still existed.

Don't get me wrong - William Hartnell's Doctor Who era was very political. Mostly with "Nazis bad" and "cold war bad", which are both solid takes. But this serial has balls.

It has no monsters, it's just a parable about South Africa. I don't know, I just think it's really cool for this children's sci-fi show in mid-1960s to go "Yeah, fuck apartheid!"

8. The Edge of Destruction

I haven't seen this one for years but from what I remember and what I know about it, I like it a lot. It's just this weird filler, except it's not at all, because it's an integral part of each character's arc. It has a profound weirdness about it which I adore.

It's Doctor Who, as originally intended.

7. Home Truths

I listened to this one recently for the first time and - wow. Just wow. It's just dripping with atmosphere. I love it a lot and need to listen to the rest of that trilogy now.

6. Dalek Invasion of Earth

It's the one where the Daleks... actually become the Daleks. From opressors on a futuristic planet, bound to a single city, to galactic conquerors. Iconic, and for very good reasons.

5. Journey Out of Terror

Simon Guerrier is just fucking excelent at writing the 1st Doctor, Ian, and Barbara. There's no way around it, this short story is properly brilliant and you should read it if you haven't done so yet.

4. The Daleks' Master Plan

I love the madness of the Master Plan. It's a lot bigger than manageable. It's ambitious and epic and I adore it to bits. It has the Monk! Huge empires! Jumping through time! Cold war parallels! A Christmas special! There's nothing like it. Hopefully more of it returns to the archives one day.

3. The Aztecs

The Aztecs is one of the purest Doctor Who experiences ever. It's really funny, but also quite dark. It has action and adventure, yet stops to think about history and culture, as well as the philosophy of time travel. It feels timeless.

2. The Keys of Marinus

The Keys of Marinus is widely disliked and overall not a beloved story. Which is, of course, bullshit.

I love it so goddamn much. It's the first "Classic Who" serial that was genuinely FUN for me to watch. It made me fall in love with Doctor Who again, in the same way I feel in love the 11th Doctor's era. It's amazing and should be recognised as such.

1. The Time Meddler

Alright, this is one the most beloved Hartnell era serials. And... for good reasons.

I love this story. It's clever and fun and inovative and just all around marvelous time. I can't help it, the Doctor x Monk rivalry just gets me. The setting is excellent. And it kinda invents the final bits of Doctor Who that weren't invented by Season 1.

[fundielicious-simblr]

Little Beth is such a joy! Everyone in the house wants to always be around her, Angie and some other older women at church were joking that she's going to have quite the difficulty when it's courting time, she's got (atleast) 8 very protective older brothers! After we got home from Newcrest, the boys took turns being under the weather, so we kept them away until they felt better so we didn't have to deal with a sick baby. As the weather gets colder we're going to be seeing more and more sicknesses doing the rounds, since a lot of our congregation travelled to their families for the holiday period there's always someone who gets awfully sick.

Thankfully I've got my recipe for chicken & dumplings and chilli on demand, they're what the boys ask for when they're not feeling too good, the food warms them from the inside out. I make large servings of both dishes so that I'm not cooking a whole new meal from scratch by the morning. I'm used to making enough servings for 15+ people, so we're constantly flowing with an abundance of leftovers, which is amazing for when guests drop by unexpectedly. Being able to show hospitality is one of the things that my mother impressed on us was our duty to excel at as wives and mothers, we show the goodness of God when we extend an invitation to others to sit and fellowship.

The boys are absolutely in love with their little sister! It seems they all grew overnight when we brought her home, they finish their chores faster, finish their homework faster, and have upped their handwashing rate by a tonne (which I'm eternally thankful for!) The little boys have been practicing being gentle when holding her, and they only hold her with either Mason or I there. Little Titus calls her his baby, which makes this mama's heart glad that he's not so burned at having his spot as the youngest being taken. I've been spending more time with him and the twins as they've adjusted to having another baby in the house, and thankfully they've done so well.

Little Beth is hitting so many milestones! She's quite stubborn and doesn't want to start, but as soon as we get her on the floor and try and get her waving, or even crawling, she puts her heart and soul into it. The boys love cheering her on, and she loves the attention so she pushes until she's overstimulated. Her stubbornness means she fights sleep because there's so much happening in the house, so nap times have to be enforced or else she'd never get any sleep and would be an overstimulated mess.

Molly, Mason's sister, is in her second trimester of her first pregnancy and is absolutely glowing! She's been in the throes of morning sickness since she announced to us at easter, and she's only just recently began feeling better. She and Elijah have completed their move to Newcrest, now they live around 20 minutes from us. Her belly is so wonderfully small, we laugh that she hasn't popped yet so she hasn't had to go shopping for a whole new maternity wardrobe. Angie and I, along with some ladies from church planned a gender reveal/baby shower for Molly as the first event to celebrate them moving to Newcrest.

(AN: There's a video but is absolutely refused to load and the gif drove the quality into the toilet - that may be a post on its own tomorrow, for now there's a screenshot form the video)

And it's a boy! The boys were so happy to get another boy in the family. Molly and Elijah haven't picked out a name yet, so they've got more work ahead of them before the little mister makes his appearance.

Angie was ecstatic getting to plan this gender reveal, we only had one when we were expecting Noah before choosing to not find out anymore with the subsequent pregnancies. She and Aaron have such a love for children that even with 9 grandchildren, they're over the moon everytime they're told that there's another one coming. Aaron pastors our congregation, and many families have adopted him and Angie as their grandparents, so they have many 'grandchildren' that they're nurturing and helping to grow in the Lord.

[go-go-devil]

for the character ask i send you 3: clara the changeling, somsnosa, reah of thorolund?

Excellent picks, my friend! Though I'm going to exclude the favorite picture of them segments since they all come from video games and I don't wanna overthink which screenshots of them I find the most interesting.

Clara the Changeling (specifically from Pathologic Classic since I really haven't seen much of her in Patho 2 in comparison):

favorite thing about them: I love her sense of humor, even despite the horrible situations she's forced into. I swear Classic's Changeling route has some of the funniest dialogue exchanges in the entire game largely coming from how snarky and overall DONE she is in dealing with all the nonsense of the adults around her.

least favorite thing about them: How her religious ideology often leads her to show a very black and white understanding of morality. Obviously she's not an adult and is largely being manipulated into these ideas by her adoptive parents, but that doesn't mean she's innocent of some of the legitimately rude things she can say to other people's faces (or even just racist since I'm pretty sure I remember her calling Aspity a "heathen" or something along those lines).

favorite line: Of course the "I detest trickery" line is one of the most iconic quotes in the whole game, but I also really love that one line she can say to Daniil on Day 11 when he asks how she was able to get to Peter's loft unscathed: "I can walk through bullets and flames." It's so needlessly dramatic and untrue but also EXACTLY the kind of thing Clara would say to hype herself up XD

brOTP: I will constantly remind people that Classic tells us that she has a friendship with Sticky and Murky. The fact that the devs either ran out of time or simply forgot to show us this friendship in Changeling Route is one of the saddest missed opportunities of the whole game T_T

OTP: I don't really "ship" Clara with anyone, but I do think Clara/Grace is cute. Creepy neurodivergent girl relationships are always a win in my book, and honestly I could see these two getting together when they grow up.

nOTP: I'm not gonna get into this in detail here, but for the love of god people STOP FUCKING SHIPPING HER WITH BLOCK, OR ANY OF THE OTHER THE ADULTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

random headcanon: I truly do adore the idea of her having pet rats 🐀🐀🐀

unpopular opinion: I don't believe her going away with Commander Block is in any way the "good ending" for her. He certainly cares about her, more than the vast majority of the other characters even, but also literally says to her face that he wants bring her into a WAR solely because he too is so consumed by religious prophesies that he believes this malnourished teenage girl will be able to lead his troops to victory with her miraculous powers! What I'm saying is that he's got the spirit, but is also basically just as insane as the Saburovs when it comes to how he chooses to see her.

song i associate with them: As far as I'm concerned "Crucify" by Tori Amos and "Precious" by Depeche Mode are basically Clara's two theme songs. They just fit her storyline SO PERFECTLY T_T

Somsnosa:

favorite thing about them: I can't go into too much detail about this since you haven't listened to Absent Moon yet, but I love how much actual character development (and even character regression) she goes through in this series. Considering how extremely space characterization is in this series, that's very impressive!

least favorite thing about them: Nothing. She's literally perfect 💙

favorite line: Oh man I dunno... "Oh hey Wayne. I left my magic gauntlets in the basement... and now its infested with ambulant skulls." is a very iconic line from the Hylics 1. Wonderfully absurd premise for a "mission," and it's unique in how it implies her and Wayne already know each other!

brOTP: Wayne, Pongorma, and Dedusmuln

OTP: Wayne, Pongorma, and Dedusmuln. They're all in a queerplatonic polycule together 💛💙❤️💚

nOTP: Gibby and/or Odozier, I guess.

random headcanon: Her cat in H1 is named Bug. Unlike Wayne's cat it doesn't own the house she resides in, but does help her hunt insects on occasion and has agreed to guard her fridge as long as it gets free access to any fish held inside.

unpopular opinion: I don't think I even have one lol

song i associate with them: Since I'm nearly done making a character mixtape for her, I'll go ahead and say "The World Backwards" by Broadcast. Both the melody and the lyrics give me major Somsnosa vibes, largely because I imagine her being the one singing it.

Reah/Rhea of Thorolund:

favorite thing about them: Her determination for sure. When you find her in the pit Patches kicks you down into she's the only one of her party who's kept her sanity, and I always read her request for you to put down Hollowed Vince and Nico as less of her lacking the skills to do so on her part and more so that she can't bring herself to kill her two friends herself. Also that one line she says to you in the parish about how she's lost everyone she's ever cared about really hit me emotionally when I least expected it T_T

least favorite thing about them: How we never actually get to SEE her preform any of the powerful miracles she teaches us, even when we aggro her. My assumption is that she wants to be a pacifist whenever she can, which makes sense for her character and explains why she brought knights along with her to do all the dirty work for her, but still I hate being denied women showing off their powers, and she clearly has them!

favorite line: I always loved her end of conversation line in the parish: "Vereor nox." Which translates (roughly) to "Fear the night." It's a cool line by itself, but also does so much to tell us how Reah's viewpoint on the state of this dying world and how she's aligned with linking the fire without her having to outright tell us.

brOTP: Vince and Nico for sure!

OTP: Like with Soms & the Crew, I too enjoy the idea of her having wanted to be in a polycule with her two friends, only it was never meant to be due to the mission they would never return from.

nOTP: I hope I never stumble upon anyone who ships her with Petrus...

random headcanon: The reason Vince and Nico were chosen to be Reah's knights was because she specifically requested it to her father, the ruler of Thorolund. Petrus, however, she has no close relationship with. She let him join the mission out of pity, since after he naturally died and became undead this mission would be his only way out of being carted off to an asylum.

unpopular opinion: Reah is NOT innocent. She may prefer to be a lonesome pacifist, but there's no way in hell she's a fully helpless little maiden. Only the highest ranking clerics are given the mission to seek the Rite of Kindling, and she is objectively the most powerful in her squad thanks to the ivory talisman she carries and which Petrus wants to desperately to steal for himself. She also has a frankly absurd amount of humanity held within her if you steal it via the dark hand: 12 to be exact. That's more than Sieglinde, the only character canonically not an undead, and much more than Lautrec, Patches, and Maneater Mildred, the three of which all having so much because they're MURDERERS! Reah fucking stole humanity from many undead to reach that number, either by her own hands or using her knights to harvest them for her. She hates herself for what she's done for the sake of the mission, but she still let it happen...

song i associate with them: I... honestly haven't thought of that yet. Let's pray that maybe one day it'll come to me 🙏