#which may surprise some of you lmfao but its never been something that i remember to do

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #178

What was the last big change through which you went? Do you deal well with change, typically? Have you always? The very obvious answer is how much my legs have improved. Walking is usually more uncomfortable than fucking agony nowadays, and after being so used to the extreme weakness in my legs, I've come leaps and bounds. Change can still stress me out, but I've definitely gotten friendlier towards it.

What is something fun you have done within the past week? I watched Girt finish Nier; it's his all-time favorite game so I loved watching him be all enthusiastic about it and share interesting stuff. I'd actually already seen him play it once, MANY years ago, but I completely didn't remember the plot (he finished the game when I was so done and VERY much barely conscious lol), and this time he played the "Replicant" remake, so the quality of everything was improved. I thought it was great, its soundtrack is especially astounding.

Have you ever read any self-help books? Nah, I'm not nearly interested enough in the genre to get past a couple pages.

Do you thank the bus driver? Yes, you should thank any person that serves the public; bus drivers, waiters, everything. That's just common sense to me, like it's so rude to not show appreciation for someone serving YOUR needs. "But it's their job to ____," I don't give a fuck say thank you you ungrateful shit.

Are you scared of needles? Only very long needles that penetrate very deeply.

Do you know anyone who is/was a drug addict? Yes.

Do you tend to cave into peer pressure? No.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? Yes.

Who was the last person you went to the movies with? Girt. I'm TRYING to talk him into seeing Barbie now lmfao, I don't think it's happening though. It kinda surprised me how unwilling he is, and I do kiiiinda worry he's fallen into the "it shits on men too hard" crowd, but I don't know.

Do you ever fear falling asleep? Well yes, for some reason no doctor has been able to confidently figure out, I have severe nightmares/terrors nearly any time I fall asleep. This has been going on for years though so by THIS point it's not so much fear, but annoyance.

What do you think is the youngest age someone should lose their virginity? I'd personally be very nervous if I knew my kid was having sex before 16, but I'm completely aware that it's not very realistic; teens developing a genuine libido is gonna happen and they're gonna do what teens do. I feel like this would, for the most part, vary with the person and their level of maturity and self-discipline, but what do I know.

Do you believe in abstaining from sex until marriage? That's a personal choice that isn't mine to make for anyone but me, HOWEVER I do see how waiting until you're legally bound to see how sexually compatible you are may not be a great idea. That's very important to some people so you should know this before you get married, in my own personal opinion.

What is your sexual orientation? Pansexual.

What is something you have acquired with age? TOLERANCE, open-mindedness, the ability to see what's right and wrong is almost never black and white and those also aren't the same thing for every single person, and that's okay. I've definitely learned to see that the world isn't experienced only through my own eyes and my moral compass.

Do you enjoy history? I really don't, I do believe it's important to know history to be aware of what's been tried and failed + why, but I'm just not interested, man. I also was so bad at dates and names and I just found it all boring.

Have you ever changed religions? Haha three times I guess; OG was Roman Catholic just because I was raised that way from birth, but it quickly turned to Christianity, in my earlier 20s I felt the most connection to Neo-Paganism, now I'm an agnostic/atheist of sorts. Got very high doubts that's ever changing.

Have you ever lied about your gender? Nah.

Have you ever designed your own Facebook timeline cover? I've EDITED pictures for that purpose, but I've never like, made some sort of collage or anything for this purpose.

What is one site that closed down that you wish would come back? Give me back my kabam.com Dragons of Atlantis game please I want it back the app is not the same

Are you a fan of the Saw movies? I've never really watched them, honestly, and I'm not very interested just because of the SHEER level of "you don't want to picture this" the traps are. It's not the gore that gets me, I just don't want to imagine going through that stuff; physically seeing it in movie form is anxiety-inducing.

Do you ever forget how old your siblings are? Only my half-siblings; I have none of their ages memorized. It's not that I care less because they're "just half," instead it's that they're not regulars in my life, like I see them once every good few years for a few days at most.

Who last talked about kissing you? Girt, I'm sure.

Did you speak to your father today? No, I haven't for a while. And I'm sure I won't until my nephew's birthday party on the 19th.

Would you ever get gauged ears? The first holes in my earlobes are; they're only 4mm and I don't plan on going any larger because one ear in particular will almost certainly tear if I push it any further.

Do you believe in moving in together before engagement or marriage? That's MY preference, like I definitely think it's wise to see how you exist in the same home before you tie the knot.

Did you ever give a hickey to the last person you kissed or you guys didn’t go that far? Yes.

List five of your favorite YouTubers. Markiplier (I don't really watch his content anymore but he as a person I still adore), GameGrumps, Rhett & Link (I haven't watched their stuff in many years now, but like Mark, I still adore them as individuals), John Wolfe, and Snake Discovery are all up there, but I definitely love more than five.

What pet names do you use with your significant other? All the usual ones I can think of, some far more than others.

Who is your best online friend? Mazzy and Tez aren't just my best online friends, they're my closest friends out of anyone if you're not counting my boyfriend and mother.

Who knows more about you: online friends or offline? HAHAHAHA ONLINE, I have ALWAYS been WAY more open about myself online, especially in terms of hobbies and interests and artistic stuff I do.

What’s something you find unconventionally romantic? Someone teaching you about something they're passionate about. Like how sweet is it that they wanna share that joy with you. YES you can overdo this and be overbearing about it, but in willing doses, I think this is very cute to share your passions.

List 3-10 things in nature you find amazing. Sentient existence itself (hell, even non-aware organisms are fucking fascinating), outer space, evolution, life and death and how it goes back into life in an everlasting cycle, mountains and volcanoes, canyons where you can see time right in front of your face in the layers of rock, fossils, really clear water, love and affection being exhibited beyond just the human species, and the deep ocean. I could go on for a LONG time, nature is endlessly fascinating.

What is one song that you've been listening to on repeat lately? "Platz Eins" by Lindemann is one.

Do you enjoy creative writing? Yes, very much.

Do you sleep with just a sheet in summer when it's hot? No, I change out blankets. Thicker comforter in the cold months, a thin blanket when it's hot.

Do you get bursts of creative energy or is it more consistent? I feel like I definitely have this baseline creativity going on, like I get especially artistic ideas so regularly (I have ongoing lists of a variety of art-based projects I wanna get to some day), however I absolutely do have bursts of increased creative drive. I fucking love those.

Have you ever been chased by a dog? Not by one that had any intention of hurting me; just pets chasing while playing.

Is your voice high, low, or somewhere in the middle? It's definitely lower than your average woman's.

What's the next friend or family birthday coming up? Will you buy them a present? Mom's is the 5th. And no, I have literally no source of income so I physically can't even buy her a candy bar or some shit, and it's fucking embarrassing and honestly agonizing to be That Person who goes into her bday empty-handed. I could write or draw something, but I haven't been able to think of what yet...

What was the last book you read? I'm currently reading Wings of Fire: Darkness of Dragons by Tui T. Sutherland. I've gotten into the habit of reading before bed and I'm enjoying it.

What are your plans for tomorrow? Nothing.

Is there a gang problem in your area? Not in my very specific area, but this city absolutely does, no one likes this place.

Do you make your Starbucks order more complicated if it isn't busy? I don't even go to Starbucks.

Would you date an already attached person? Hell no. In MY romantic relationships, you're picking me or them, and there's no in-between.

When you marry, will you wear white? I doubt it, I think I'm probably gonna wear black. But white is still possible.

Is there anything significant happening this month? Mom's and Ryder's birthdays, and I know Ryder will have a party. This weekend I'm going to Girt's sister's new place for the first time; I know that's not really "significant," but dude, anything that breaks my daily routine is worthwhile to mention in my world lol.

What are your grandfathers’ names? I only remember my mom's dad's name, which was William.

Have you ever seen a snake in real life? Living to 27 and not seeing a single snake, at least here, would be extremely odd. Yeah, I've seen plenty, I have a pet snake in my own house.

Do you know anyone that has been held hostage before? Oh yikes, not that I know of.

Can you ever hear dogs barking from your house? Does it annoy you? Yes, and admittedly yeah, it does. Our next-door neighbor particularly has a big dog named Kira, and she is CONSTANTLY barking, and she's not an indoor dog (she's behind a proper fence, calm down), so you certainly hear her. It doesn't annoy me to the point I'm gonna go bitch about it, but dogs barking is a noise I just do not like.

What's your main reason for booking taxis? I've never been in a legit taxi; they're not really a thing around here. I've taken an Uber with my mother literally once in my entire life, because of car problems.

When was the last time you saw your partner (or your best friend)? He was here yesterday; we finished Silent Hill 2 finally and that was fun, I was glad he liked it. It was nice, the last visit we played his favorite game of all time, and this time we closed off mine.

How did you sleep last night? Surprisingly very good.

Do you like candy corn? No, it's disgusting to me.

Are you bored right now? Yes; my anhedonia has been VERY severe the past few weeks. We're in the process of adjusting meds because I'm pretty sure I've reached the point of developing an immunity to something. It's happened with my psych meds many times before, so I expected it to happen again.

Do your grandparents speak English as a first language? Yeah, to my knowledge they all only spoke English.

Do you remember to turn lights off in the rooms you're not actively using? Yes, when you live in a family that actually has to worry about their bills you learn this shit quick lmfao.

Do you have many snacks in your house right now? No, Mom and I avoid that because we're very "out of sight, out of mind" with food, and if unhealthy shit is here, we're gonna eat it. It's just healthier for us to not have stuff available to us.

Do you keep alcohol in your house? Not regularly, no. I uh, think. Maybe Mom has alcohol somewhere, but I doubt it; both of us only drink usually for holidays, and never a lot.

Did you have a bunk bed when you were a kid? Yes, for me and my younger sister. I started off in the top bunk, but in my pre-teen years before Ashley moved out and I got her room, I preferred the bottom bunk.

[inkytsuki]

I.....i don't remember when I slept last

[wxnderlustfandoms]

not a villain [loki x teen!reader]

[not my gif]

pairing: loki x teen! reader (platonic), avengers x teen!reader (platonic)��

description: you try to make loki feel more welcome after thor brings him to the compound, thinking it would be good for him. he thinks you’re just trying to get on his good side for selfish reasons, but after overhearing you defend him to the avengers, he realizes you see the good in him

word count: 2291

warnings: none really. 

a/n: not me taking this description straight from my shifting script and turning it into a fanfic lmfao

in a way a continuation of this headcannon because the reader’s powers are the same and its the same backstory. 

After the fight at the airport between the avengers, they all realized how stupid the accords were and how it provided them no freedoms to do the things they needed to. However, you pointed out that the idea of an accords was okay because if we’re being honest, the avengers didn’t really think about collateral. The avengers all met with the countries that made the accords and worked together to revise them to work the best for both parties. 

Once that was settled, you all moved back into the compound and returned to normal life. Well, as normal as you can get with the avengers. 

One day, you heard a loud booming noise outside and saw a flash of light come from outside. You opened your window and flew out quickly to investigate. When you got closer, you saw a tall blonde with longer hair and a hammer. With him was another tall man with long black hair. A few other avengers were already there and they seemed to be on edge. 

You landed next to them and realized that the blonde was Thor. He was an avenger and you remembered seeing him on tv when New York was getting attacked. 

“I’m sure you all remember my brother, Loki,” Thor introduced, gesturing to the man with black hair next to him. Loki looked about as excited to be there as everyone else was to see him. 

“Wait, wasn’t that the guy who attacked New York? I saw him on TV when I was a little kid,” You asked Sam quietly, whispering towards him. Sam nodded his head and you looked back to Thor confused. 

“Why is he here, Thor?” Tony asked, holding his armor-covered hand up to him, prepared to attack if he needed to. You seemed to be the only one not in a fighting stance, but to be fair, you really didn’t understand what was happening. 

“I believe that it will be good for Loki to come and live with us all here! Who knows, maybe he could even become an avenger with the proper training!” Thor boomed with a smile. You felt yourself smile a bit just looking at him, he radiated so much pure, optimistic, happy energy. 

“Absolutely not, he tried to take over the world, Thor. He killed people,” Natasha argued back.

“My brother may have had a complicated past, but I just know that this will be a good opportunity for him!” 

You didn’t feel as though you were in any place to take a side, as you were not there in New York and did not know anything about Loki, but you felt as though if Loki was here to train to become an avenger, he should be able to. He didn’t seem like a terrible guy. You listened to them go back and forth for a while, discussing things you once again couldn’t input on because you were a child when these things happened. 

Eventually, Thor convinced the rest of the Avengers to let Loki stay with them. However, he was basically on house arrest at the compound until they deemed him trustworthy enough to leave, and Tony made sure to tell Loki how he believed that to be a long, long time. Loki seemed to not be bothered at all, and hadn’t really talked throughout the entire interaction. His brother kind of took the lead and spoke out for him. 

The next week, you didn’t see Loki much around the compound. He seemed to be brooding in his room or something like that. You shrugged and just thought he might be taking his time to get comfortable. 

I mean, he did try to kill a lot of people in this compound. It's got to be awkward to just run into them in the same compound now that he lives with them, You thought, walking into the kitchen. Your wings flexed in surprise when you saw Loki in the kitchen. He looked up when you walked in and he looked like he was going to leave once he was aware of your presence, but you stopped him.

“You don’t have to leave, you know? We both live here and this kitchen is big enough for the two of us,” You said. 

His face didn’t betray what he was thinking, but he didn’t make another move to leave. You got out some ingredients to make a sandwich for yourself and looked over to Loki, who was looking through the cabinet. 

“So… you’re like… a god?” You asked him the question you’d been thinking the whole time since he moved in. 

He looked at you and raised an eyebrow. The look on your face told him you were being serious. 

“Yes,” He responded bluntly. You raised both of your eyebrows in your surprise that you got a verbal answer. 

You hummed, going back to making your sandwich. Loki didn’t seem to find anything he wanted in the cabinet and made his way to leave the kitchen. “See ya, Loki!” You said as he exited. 

The next few weeks went the same way, you running into Loki and initiating conversation with him, trying to get to know things about him. He was very blunt, his answers short. Sometimes he didn’t even answer and the conversations were very one sided but you still didn’t give up trying to get to know him. You knew that because Thor was still taking care of things on Asgard and coming back and forth, he didn’t really have time to check on how Loki was but for a few minutes. And the other avengers made no attempt to socialize with the god. So you decided to. You weren’t sure if they knew you were talking to him all the time, but if they did none of them made an attempt to stop you. They knew you were trusting, but they also knew you weren’t dumb, so they trusted you. 

One day, you caught Thor when he was visiting the compound and asked him what Loki’s favorite earth food was, or if he could bring him some food from Asgard. Thor was surprised a teenager was concerned about Loki, but thanked you for thinking about him. He told you about an Asgard dish that could easily be made with Earth food and you thanked him, going to the kitchen and started making it. When you were done with it, you went to Loki’s room and knocked on his door. It took a minute before he opened it, but he was surprised to see you when he did open it. 

“Hi! I noticed you didn’t seem interested in any of the snacks in the cabinet and haven’t really eaten any good meals since you got here, so I made you something. Thor said it was similar to an Asgardian dish. I’m… not sure exactly which one. It was pronounced weird. But I hope you enjoy it!” You said, handing it to him. He wasn’t sure how to respond, so he just looked at the dish and then back up at you. 

“Anyway, I hope you have a good day, Loki!” You told him, walking back to clean up your mess in the kitchen. 

Loki stood there with the door open, looking at the dish. His thoughts were jumbled and he couldn’t figure you out. What could you possibly want from him that would make you try so hard to get on his good side? He appreciated the gesture, but he didn’t trust that it was just out of the kindness of your heart.

Later that week, you were hanging out with a majority of the avengers in a lounge room, TV on in the background, but you all were mostly just talking. 

The topic of Loki got brought up quickly. They started talking about still not being able to trust him and how awkward it is he lives at the compound now. Usually you wouldn't say anything because you didn’t feel like it's your place but you just had to this time. 

“Well maybe, if you guys even tried to talk to Loki, you would know he’s not a terrible person,” You defended. 

Bruce laughed, “Are we talking about the same man that mind controlled Clint and made me go all hulk mode on everyone?” 

Clint agreed. 

“Jesus,” You stood up, wings ruffled in anger.

“[Y/n], why are you getting so defensive?” Sam asked. 

You turned around and gave him an annoyed look. “Because you all are sitting here, saying Loki could never be anything but a villain, but won’t stop treating him like he is!” You threw your hands up in defeat. Walking a bit to the right before turning back to them. “Like, how is he supposed to prove to you guys he’s good when you won’t even give him the time of day! I’m not saying to go in trusting him 100%, I know he did bad things in his past. But haven’t we all? Isn’t there some part of our past we wish we could go back and erase because it was a mistake?” You looked to Natasha especially while saying this. 

“[Y/n], I understand what you’re trying to say, but it’s incredibly naive of you to trust Loki, and to compare what he did to any of us,” Clint responded. You looked at him, confused and hurt. Looking to the other people sitting in the room, they agreed, nodding their heads. Your eyes started tearing up. 

“If I’m too ‘young’ and ‘naive’ to understand these things then why am I even an avenger? You can’t sit here and constantly bring up my age and lack of experience when I try to say things just because you don’t think I’m right! If Loki’s villainy in the past never affected you guys personally you wouldn’t be sitting here holding this, what? 5 year grudge against him!?” You felt a few tears fall down your face and you brushed them away, almost angry that they decided to fall when you were trying to talk to your comrades. You were trying to tell them that you don’t want to be treated like a kid, but here you were crying like one. 

“[Y/n]...” Sam started, getting up when he saw you were crying. You shook your head, turning away from them and running back to your room. You collapsed onto your bed and let out a few sobs. 

You weren’t necessarily crying because the avengers didn’t accept Loki. It upset you, but that wasn’t why you were crying. You were crying because this wasn’t the first time they have brought up your age to belittle your opinion or said you were not experienced enough to have an opinion on something. You were sick of them treating you like that when you’d been a part of the avengers for almost 2 years. You jumped slightly when you heard a knock at your door. You thought it was Sam coming to talk to you, but you didn’t want to speak to him.

“Go away, Sam,” You yelled. 

“It’s Loki,” You heard his voice from the other side of the door. Your eyes widened in surprise and jumped up off the bed. Walking to open the door. You tried to make it look like you weren’t crying, but when you opened the door he could see the redness and puffiness around your eyes. 

“Is… something wrong?” You asked, having no idea why Loki would come talk to you of his own accord. 

“Can we talk?” He asked. You nodded and led him into your room. He looked around for a second, taking in your room before you sat on the bed and invited him to do the same. You sat more towards the middle of the bed, crossing your feet in towards you. Loki sat near the edge, barley making an indent in the covers. It was probably as awkward for him as it was for you. 

“Listen, I’m sorry if I’ve been annoying you the past few weeks. I’ve been trying to make you feel welcome here but I know it's been a lot. No one really wants a teenager all up in their business. So… I’m sorry,” You started, looking up at him.  

Now, you were usually good at reading people, however, ever since Loki moved into the compound, you could never read his face. Even now, you looked at his face and couldn’t see a single expression that revealed what he was thinking.

“I don’t understand you. Why are you so nice to me? And why would you go against your teammates to defend me? What exactly does that accomplish you?” You sigh a little as you realize he overheard you talking to the group of people out there.

“I don’t really have a reason to be nice besides wanting to make you feel welcome. I know what it’s like to feel… out of place.” You gesture to the wings on your back and the horns on your head. “Ever since this happened, the avengers are the only people that seem to accept me as the way I am. And I believe everyone deserves to have that. Even if the avengers don’t end up being that for you, I hope you do find it.” You explain. “I trust that you have good in you. Being mischievous doesn’t mean being evil,” You smile at him.

For the first time since Loki moved in with the avengers, he smiled. Even if it was a small smile, it was genuine. He nodded and got up, on his way to leave. Before he did leave though, he turned around and revealed he was never truly annoyed by you and enjoyed the talks you had. 

[cheelduh]

How to strike your way into someone’s heart (Highschool AU)

Part 2 to this. Can be read alone!

Pairing: Childe x fem!reader

Warnings: A lot of swearing I mean what do you expect they’re all teenagers. Lots of brick slapping. Childe clowns Scaramouche. OH YES this isn’t edited at all lmfao have fun.

Synopsis: It’s your big date with Childe after you lost the bet miserably. You decide to pay the occult club a visit in hopes of finding something that can...ease your concerns. Childe on the other hand has Signora give him a friendly piece of advice, believe it or not. 

Note: SRY THIS TOOK ME LIKE A MONTH

For as long as you can remember, you've never believed in ghosts, demons, or souls that lose their way in the endless void, forced to roam the earth in repentance.

Believing in the unknown takes creativity, adventure, maybe even a little sense of fear. Scratch that—a shitton of fear, because humans love to weave in their insecurities and inability to explain something into something of a phenomenon.

Bad luck lies in this category. Bad luck is simply a way to justify the catastrophe that one cannot admit they have fabricated themselves. Everyone wants a reason as to why shit hits the fan, and it can be anything but their own fault.

Bad luck is nothing but a load of bull to you. That's totally why you're standing outside the calculus classroom during lunch break, which happens to be the official meet spot for the occult club.

You raise a fist to knock, but then falter, thinking over your options once again. Is this what it has come to? Putting your faith into the weird kids that once tried to summon Schrödinger's cat for the physics final.

Fischl kicks the door wide open, a smirk playing at her lips once she spots you. "One cannot refrain from the song of your cogitation. The feline for which thou dwell on—"

A squeak leaves your throat and you flinch back, cutting her off. "You can read my mind?"

"Fischl," An icy eyed boy shows up from behind her and points a thumb back. "Mona needs your help."

Fischl squints at you for a brief moment, and then spins onto her heel to go back into the room.

The blue haired lower class man, Chongyun you guess, narrows his eyes at you. "Is there something I can help you with?"

Finally you manage to speak, palms all sweaty. "Yeah uh, I need your help. You know, with occulty things." You use your hands to articulate your thoughts, but ultimately give up.

You're not sure if it's pity towards your pathetic explanation or simply annoyance, but Chongyun widens the opening. He silently gestures for you to follow.

Stumbling on your feet and putting on your big girl pants, you hurry inside of the room, hoping you aren't seen by Beidou. She wouldn't let you hear the end of this.

The temperature instantly drops, and you have to adjust your sight to navigate. There's heavy incense in the air as well as a a few lighted candles from the dollar store, you guess.

Sitting smack dab in the middle of all the demonic markings is Mona, with a mischievous glint in her eyes. Chongyun has made his way next to her, crossing his arms with a sigh, and Fischl is busy cooing at her bird.

"Well well well..." Mona's amused, eyes almost twinkling as she gets up from the poor desk that had to suffer the wrath of her ass. "If it isn't Y/N."

Mona is a glorified dick wiper in your books. One time, she partnered up with you in chemistry last year and refused to do any work because apparently her "star sign" said she was incompatible with science. You haven't forgiven her since.

"I need your help." You barely manage to choke out the words, reigning yourself in by clenching your fists instead. It'll be unethical to claw her face, especially since you're the one who's come to her.

"Oh?" She smiles wickedly, revelling in every moment of this no doubt. "Why would the high and mighty Y/N need help from the 'Whoroscope whore'?"

Fischl nearly slips out a laugh, trying with her upmost ability to refrain from rolling all over the floor.

You blink away your tears of almost-laughter, casually sliding in twenty mora across the table dividing you two. If she's a whoroscope whore like you say she is, she'll definitely put it in her bra.

Mona raises a brow, but her eyes linger on the bill for a second too much. "What makes you think I'll do it for money?"

"That's simple," You say, rolling your eyes. "When you see mora, you cling to it like a baby clings to a tit. Now just take it and solve my issues."

She fumes a litany of curses but snatches the money up anyways.

"What do you want?"

You breathe in, then out. "I need a talisman."

Mona raises a brow, hand on her hip. "I'm sorry. Did I get that right?"

How dare she. You will your eye into not twitching, the beginnings of fire thrumming through your veins, scalding hot. How dare she make me repeat myself.

"You know, the thing to fend off evil spirits," Your statement hangs heavy in the air as the cogs in their brains click into place. "I need one that can remove the most evilest thing times ten to the power of twenty five on this planet."

Everyone immediately thinks of Hu Tao.

Chongyun is the first to speak from an area of expertise, seemingly shocked at your words. "Are you sure you want a talisman that powerful? How bad is the evil spirit you've come across?"

You glance out the window, through the semi-open blinds. The apprehension curls in your stomach once you spot Childe chasing Aether with safety scissors, and you've never been more sure of than anything in your life.

Gulping, you turn back to the exorcist. "I'm 110% sure."

He doesn't ask any more questions and goes to fetch the talisman.

Mona clears her throat. "So I hear you have a date with Childe today. Quite the character you've taken to."

"Oh please," You hiss through your teeth, your blood pressure going up tenfold, "you're the one that told him our star signs were intertwined and that we're fated lovers."

She shrugs innocently, stance casual unlike your own that is ready to lunge an attack.

"Here you are," Chongyun hands you a talisman, a colourful mix of some charms, some kind of liquid in a bottle, and about a shitton of other things. "You'll need these if you're going to face the most demonic of all evils."

You think of Childe's stupidly handsome smirk, the playful life of his eyes, and how gentle and considerate he is with you. You think about how cruel he is to others, but how loving he can be to you.

"Oh, I will be."

—

Childe is getting his ass handed to him by Scaramouche on the switch. It's just that he can't seem to focus, not with the forthcoming date all over his mind.

He hasn't experienced these kind of jitters in a long time. Has to endure that foolish smile that's about to plaster all over his face.

Scaramouche may be a son of a bitch with an agenda, but he doesn't appreciate his acquaintances safeguarding their personal crap when it starts to leak onto him. Especially when it comes to video games.

"Okay," The short boy sighs, stretching over the staff room sofa to drop his controller on the cushions. "Let's hear it." He can't even properly enjoy his victories when Childe isn't giving it his all.

"Hear what?" Childe lays his head back, relaxing from all the strain of endless gaming during the lunch hour. He seems too relaxed for someone who's broken into the teacher's lounge.

"Why you're so distracted." Scaramouche points out. "Not that I care—hey! I'm serious here!"

Childe's cracking up for absolutely no reason, rudely cutting him off. "I'm sorry—sorry it's just so hard to take you seriously when you're wearing that stupid fucking hat."

"Don't question the drip." The older moves his head to glare at him, but the thin stripe of silk on his hat swooshes with him, and it's enough to have Childe clutching his stomach in pain as he barks out in laughter.

"Grow the fuck up." Scaramouche says, no doubt exasperated from the constant shit he gets.

"Ok—ok I'm sorry."

There's a knock on the door before Scaramouche gets the chance to intimidate him again.

"Fuck shit fuck who is that? Wasn't there a staff meeting?" Childe whisper yells, panic clear in the ocean of his eyes.

Scaramouche shrugs and downs a can of soda with no care in the world.

Childe would be nonchalant too. If it were a normal day, he wouldn't give two shits about getting caught.

However, he's looking forward to that date he has with you today. Detention is going foil all his lecherous plans.

"It's me." The feminine sound of a threat calls out from the other side. "Open the door." The clicks and clacks of her toes tapping the floor indicating her impatience.

The two sigh in relief, Childe getting up to open the door. It's way too early in the afternoon to deal with this crap.

"Surprised to see me?" Signora greets sweetly, and if not for the murderous glint in her eyes, he would smile back.

"Yeah, I didn't say Bloody Mary three times." The ginger replies, keeping a steady eye on the upperclassman in case she pulls a fast one.

The blonde shoves him aside in offence, and prances in like she owns the goddamn place. Scaramouche greets her with the bird.

"There's this rumour going around—I'm sure you've heard..."

"Oh?" Childe pockets his keys, ready for an attack, not even remotely interested in the topic.

"Something about how Y/N gave Mona a visit today" Signora muses, elegantly taking a seat on the arm of the couch, "with your date and all, I just thought you should know."

"Hah!" Scaramouche bursts out in laughter, tears in the corner of his eyes. "I can't believe she went to get a horoscope reading on how shitty your date's gonna be."

"Get castrated." Childe growls, flipping him off on both hands.

"Now now boys," Signora's lips curl, and she clasps both manicured hands together, prepared to break the fight if it ever reaches its peak. "Settle down. You two are comrades."

"As if I'm comrades with this SIMP!" Scaramouche has to wheeze out the words.

The youngest clenches his fists, unclenches, and then lets a smirk grow. "Oh? I'm the simp? What about that time Mona pantsed you in-front of all the freshmen and you fell in love with her."

Scaramouche glares at him, a glare strong enough to have anyone shaking in their shoes. "I'm attracted at her sheer audacity of trying to fuck I, Scaramouche, the 8th harbinger, over. It takes balls."

"Mad respect." Signora leans forward to place her phone on the coffee table, then approaches Childe. "Moving on, the reason I've decided to bestow my precious intel on you is because I have a favour to ask of you."

"What?" He says blankly, confused that she has a request for him out of all people.

"I need you to let me get you ready for this date of yours." She gives him a gaze that is enough to wither away any arguments.

Childe shares a look with Scaramouche as if to say "am I fucking deaf because I sure as shit didn't just hear that."

"You sure as hell did, boys." Signora intercepts the connection of their two brainwaves with a dreaded sigh. "I hate Y/N. This is the only way I can get back at her."

"Hey!" Childe exclaims loudly, waving his hands in the air incessantly. "What makes you think I'll let you shit on my future girlfriend."

"I'll be doing nothing of the sorts." She points out, giving him a sly smile. "I just know she's terrified of what's coming. The better the date is, the more she's gonna hate herself. What more do I need but to sprinkle some inner conflict within her airtight resolve?"

As favorable as the proposal is, Childe  contemplates for a second. Signora...helping him? This could work to his advantage if he plays his cards right.

His inner turmoil takes him into the future, where you two are happily married with eight and a half kids. If you ever managed to find out Signora was the culprit that was finally able to set you two up, you'd never forgive him.

"Nah I'll take a hard pass." He doesn't want to think about divorce and custody battles this early on. He'd rather face the brunt of Signora's wrath.

Scaramouche chooses right then to make a tactical withdrawal out through the window since he doesn't want to be a witness to a murder he hasn't caused.

Surprisingly— "Fine then." Signora shrugs, unbothered when summoning out a minty juul from no where. She's disappointed nonetheless.

Childe tilts his head, perplexed, but decides against mulling over it for too long. Instead, he strides off to the door, wanting to get the last two periods over with so he can run home and freshen up for this date.

"Oh and Childe?" Signora calls out to him, but he barely acknowledges her, only pausing momentarily without looking back. "A piece of friendly advice. A diligent student like Y/N, there's no way she'd be into rash things like fighting. So try and control yourself, hmm?"

He flashes the senior a sheepish smile, the front row tickets to the illegal underground fight-club burning in the back pocket of his pants.

—

Childe conceals near the bushes by the gate, expertly hiding his shaking hands by pretending to look for something in his back. His goal isn't to seem desperate, even though he's raced out here at the speed of light after Havria's dismissal.

It's not like he's trying to eavesdrop or anything. He just wants a little insight on how you're feeling about this, in case the rumors of you visiting the occult club wasn't a farce.

From his peripheral, he spots you and a familiar figure that is Lisa, leisurely walking side by side as you approach the main side walk.

"Ready for your date, Y/N? You've been daydreaming all afternoon." Lisa winks, and dodges the shove you send her way with experience like no other.

"Yes, daydreaming about punching you in the face." Your left eye twitches in annoyance as you fix your hold on your skateboard.

"Well then, I'll be off—ah!"

The gorilla grip you have on her sleeve takes away all the time she has to get on the last bus she's about to miss.

Your utter strength is enough to make Childe's knees weak. How pathetic he thinks.

"Oh no you don't," You say in a sing-song voice, "you got me into this, so you're going to help."

"Help with what?" Lisa fakes a hard pout as she bats her lashes, trying to collect pity points.

"I—" You inhale, loosening your grip on her and averting your eyes nervously to see if anyone's watching. "Don't make me say it."

The older girl motions for you to continue, and you're sure you've suffered more for less at this point.

"I've never...been on a..." The sentence ends in a trailed murmur.

Childe doesn't think he's ever seen you so flustered. He's about to snap a picture for later, but decides against it. They'll be plenty of moments later on to see your cute expressions.

Lisa's grin is both seductive and terrifying, Childe notices. "You've never been on a date?"

"Shut up!" You hiss, dropping your board so you can cover her lips with your palm, eyes darting around your surroundings frantically. "Not so loud."

He has to bite at his fist to hide his amusement.

As if she has a sixth sense, Lisa's eyes somehow find Childe's through the abundance of leaves, and there's a glint in her eyes that nearly makes him shart his pants.

"Of course Y/N," She replies sweetly to you, who is currently unaware of the staring match going on. "I'll teach you everything you need to know...and more."

Childe doesn't know if that's a good or bad thing. Nor does he want to find out.

—

You ponder on what's taking him so long, more on edge than you usually are. Thankfully, Lisa basically pried your hair down from its usual up-do. Said something about how you can hide your lack of shits given as to not offend him.

Except you think you're giving more shits that you expected to. Why else would your heart be pounding so hard?

"What took you so long?" You sense him creeping up on you, ceasing his chance to pounce.

Childe groans playfully and slaps a hand over his face as he comes into view. "How'd you know?"

"You have a douche-styled gait." You reply as you remove your gaze off your phone to approach him.

He's prepared to shoot a witty reply, but it dies halfway through his throat when he procures a good look at you. Your hair frames your face elegantly, eyes shining despite the tiredness that's so clear, all complete with a cooling spring dress that hugs you just right.

Mouth going dry, he forgets how to speak the common tongue, unable to tear his gaze off your form.

You shift in place awkwardly. "Uh are you okay? Looking a little...blank."

"Sorry—sorry just thinking." Childe stumbles over his words like the complete idiot and a half he is, berating himself countlessly on the inside. He regains his confidence once he spots the light dust on your cheeks. "You ready for the best date ever?"

"The best date huh?" It's the first time you smile today, and he swears his heart leaps in his rib cage. You're the prettiest thing he's ever laid his eyes on. "I'm ready. I better not be disappointed."

"I wouldn't dare disappoint, girlie." He feigns mock offence as dramatically as possible. "I'll show you how to have some real fun. Cool keychain by the way, for good luck?"

It's one of the charms Chongyun urged you to carry with you at all times to keep all forms of evil away.

"Yeah...something like that."

The two of you ease into the walk in a relatively comfortable fashion, contributing with lively chatter and a few jabs here and there. It's not awkward at all, not like you thought it would be. Your nerves loosen up, mind diverting from the roots of the stress of high school.

"—And you won't believe what Kaeya did the other day. I'm telling you there's something wrong with him because that SoundCloud rapper wannabe Venti goaded him into birdboxing through the hallways at lunch."

"And the son of a bitch did it?"

"The son of a bitch did it." Childe confirmed, gasping through his laughs as the two of you converse in psychobabble. "And guess who he bumped into?"

You're choking in laughter, tears in your eyes as you hunch over and shake. "He didn't. Childe—no he didn't."

"Straightttt into Diluc. And he had the balls to feel him up because he thought he bumped into a hot bab—"

Childe crashes into a sturdy chest and stumbles backwards towards you, but manages to catch his balance midway. Both of you freeze when faced with a buff guy from another school, bandages on his fist and a crooked smirk on his face.

Fuck. You think. Classic high school cliché.

Realizing he can't risk the remainder of this date when it hasn't even begun, Childe raises a hand in apology, aiming to be the bigger person instead of socking the kid in the face.

"Sorry. I wasn't looking." He offers to the guy, but you can tell he isn't buying any of it. There are about four more kids who group, a setup that isn't going to end in your favour.

"Hey punk. You don't remember me?" The upperclassmen barks out, glaring holes into your date.

You deadpan towards Childe, but he's too is racking his brain to remember. Ends up shrugging with no recollection.

"I have a list of names but they're in my other pants." Shit, what an a-grade reply. Now you know you're done for. "Listen dude, I'm kind of on a date and the vibe is going great. Don't ruin it."

"It's a good thing she's here to watch then!" The guy yells, stomping so that he's right in-front of Childe, ready to pounce. "You humiliated me in front of my gang last week. I'm here to rip you a new one."

Childe blinks, tries to remember, and when he doesn't, he grabs a wad full of cash from the his Fanny pack and throws it at the guy's feet.

Everyone's eyes bulge out of their sockets, including yours at the amount of money placed there casually on the crack of the dirty sidewalk.

"Hopefully this is enough for the damages." Childe offers, aiming to not further escalate the situation albeit how pissed he is right now. If you weren't here...well that would be another, much more violent story.

With a soft tug, Childe brings you close and begins to pass the guy, until he's abruptly stopped by a hand gripping his shoulder tightly.

"I don't think so!" The guys barks, and his lackeys move to surround you two. "You gotta pay taxes too buddy." Oh he's getting way too comfortable now.

A feral smile grows on Childe's face as he looks over his shoulder. "Oh?"

"Yeah shithead." The guy seethes, puffing out his chest to size him up.

Childe itches for a fight. He can no longer keep in the urge and is just about ready to raise a heavy fist, but is beaten by the sound of a loud thwack, and then a painful groan following.

There you are, standing in front of the trembling asshole, spinning your crossbody bag in circles like it's a nunchuck in all it's glory. There's a deadly glint in your eyes, pure, unadulterated vexation in your features.

If Childe could fall for you any harder, it's probably happening now. In that exact moment, his heart beats in his ears uncontrollably, and there's nothing but raw adoration that piles up all at once.

You're an angel of destruction, a force not to be reckoned with, and shit, you're the eye of the fucking storm.

Fire courses through your veins as you pulverize the guy with your bag, swinging with such expertise it has Childe in awe. "He may be an absolute idiot for not remembering—"

"Hey girlie you're killing me here!" Your date snaps out of his astonishment temporarily.

"—but you don't get to call him a shithead, you asshole!" You snarl angrily, gripping the handle of your bag tightly, decking everyone that lunges at you, letting out strings of curses with every hit. Every hit sends a flock of them either stumbling back in pain, or knocked out completely.

Childe doesn't even get a chance to lift a finger by the time you're done violating them with your heavy ass pink bag. Stands there like an absolute loser.

"Apologize." You pant, prepared to send another flurry of attacks at the leader, who is crawling away with a battered face. "Apologize or I'll—I'll fucking Russian neck tie your ass."

"S-sorry!" The guy whimpers out and tries not to piss his pants at the threat.

Childe is still in too much shock at the whole ordeal to reply, short circuiting.

Another thirty seconds pass until he registers the smaller hand waving in front of his face. He catches your cold hand through his haze, brings it closer.

Running a free hand through his locks, he doesn't hide his astonishment. "You're fucking gorgeous, girlie." He whistles lowly, eyeing you with a new kind of regard.

"I-I uh." Your face is all shades of red by now, the adrenaline from kicking ass wearing down. "Let's go."

"How is that bag so heavy?" One of the fallen gasps out in pain, clutching his ribs as he trembles on the floor. "Like a buh-brick."

A part of your zipper in open, and Childe briefly peeks out of morbid curiosity. His jaw slackens. "Is that a...no, it can't be."

"It's a brick." You murmur guiltily, gnawing at your bottom lip. "Just in case." Fingers tentatively play with the straps.

Childe is head over heels by now, all smitten as a foreign warmth bubbles up in his throat, and he's just about sure he'll puke his heart out.

His next words are picked out carefully. "There's an underground fight club going on—"

You lock and aim for his right kidney.

Worth a try, Childe thinks.

"SIKE. Joking—joking. Just a joke." He insists, gloved hands raised by his ears in defence.

Clicking your tongue, you scowl and rush past him.

It hasn't even been an hour and it's been the most exciting date Childe's ever experienced. When he sees your lips twitch, he knows it's the same for you as well.

"Are we going or not?" You mumble, avoiding eye contact, a tinge of red still decorating your cheeks.

Childe crumbles into his hands at your deadly duality. One that comes for his enemies and one that comes straight for his heart.

[marshmallowprotection]

Oh man, pokemon? I low-key love talking about what teams the RFA would have. I have made some of my own but I never really thought about their teams too much, I'll show you them if you want to see, though! They may not be so thought out but hey! It's fine, it's fun! lol

But I love how I have named my main team after the RFA-

Keep in mind that I have this team for years and I will never change it, so I didn't have much thought when naming them after the RFA, lol

My first ever pokemon and favorite one for YEARS is Charizard and it's not surprising that I have named it after Saeyoung. It's also my ace and my Mega Y which deals a LOT. I remember hearing that it's Mega Pokedex entry is that it gets its power from its bond with its trainer? If so, I low-key think that this suits Saeyoung since he feels like he has gained a superpower or something when MC loves him!

Next up is Salamence which I named Saeran! I thought the red on it and blue is like SE. And I think the Moxie ability kinda fits honestly! I like to think that my Salamence spends hours just flying up in the sky, haha.

Next is Dragonite which I named it after Yoosung. It might be cute but it can do a lot! I like to think that it fits Yoosung cuz it's cute like him and it has his hair color.

Next is Aerodactyl which I named after Zen. I low-key didn't have much choice on this one cuz I named Jaehee and Jumin after the other two so this spot goes to Zen! It's the fasted pokemon in my team and I like to think that Zen runs fast cuz he exercises all the time sksks, also the color is kiiiiinda fitting?

Next up is my Marowak (Kanto) who I named after Jaehee! Again, the colors fit her and it hits super hard with its held item. I like to think that it's her Judo training and she can hit hard and be serious.

Next up is Tyranitar which I named after Jumin. I didn't think this much but now that I think about it, i think it kinda fits? I think it's toughness reminds me kinda of Jumin and his security and how it can do a lot in battle and STILL be bulky. It's also serious too which is a bonus lmfao-

I think that's everything! Tell me what you think. I've been playing Pokemon for years now and it's fun to imagine what Mystic Messenger characters would have!^^

I think it's so cute that you've named your team after the RFA. That really makes it feel like you've got the family together again. I think it's sweet that you imagined the personalities and tried to make that cut it alongside color schemes. Seven as an ace-up-your-sleeve type who knows how to breathe fire? Yeah, I can vibe with that. Mega-Evolution is a power that lasts briefly but can only be done by having a strong bond with your Pokemon. Saeyoung can't reach his peak without the strong love by his side.

Yoosung and Saeran as dragons? They're very opposing dragons, too. You gave Yoosung speed to zoom around since we all imagine him to be like a puppy. Saeran got the snark and sullen nature since I know it is SE Saeran you're trying to imagine here. Zen is unrivaled in his way of making us remember that he's a rarity, and giving him a Pokemon that is only gained by finding a fossil to revive? Yeah, that's what I'd expect if we want to imagine someone created him for something he didn't want and he ran away to you.

Jaehee makes sense to me, honestly. I tend to give her fighting and normal types but this one is a little out of the box so it made me think harder about her and how she can defend herself. Jumin is the only surprise to me since I tend to think of him with psychic types and I've always seen him that way. But, you're right in saying he's strong and sturdy.

So, I've already answered the would-be teams for all of the RFA sans Jaehee and Zen, so I'd be happy to share those with you right here as needed!

Jaehee's team to me is a mesh that brings together her natural sense of fighting with food-themed Pokemon. She has a team with her who knows how to practice and train just like Jaehee does to keep up her training, and the natural foil to that with the other half of the team is focused on helping her find the freshest produce and coffee to run her shop. Her struggle would be learning that it's okay to bring those two loves together to work hard in the same place! Lopunny is likely her oldest partner and they've reached Mega-Evolution because of it.

Zen's team is a team that rivals his beauty. We all tend to think of Zen as a wolf since he never shuts up about it, so having a Furfrou and a Mightyena just seem to make sense. I imagine it was easy to catch them since I know he caught those dogs on the streets when he was in his gang. Absol is easy to relate to for him since he was thought of as a bad omen, too. They find peace and union in knowing that they can't be misunderstood by each other. The rest of his team seems to reflect his psychic abilities and his connection to them. Munna is a good match for his dreams. Rapidash and Gardevoir fit the bill of a man on stage who feels charming and dashing.

[somebodycallixii]

tagged by @choitaeyang for the little P1ece questions thing :)

(ps im sorry i didnt answer all of the questions but i just didnt want the post to get too long!!)

1. Since when have you been a P1ece? I listened to Siren for the first time like early last fall, and found That's It a little later, and i remember thinking ok this is probably some well established group like their rapping and sound overall just really impressed me. (cut to surprised pika face when i found out OH THEY'RE LITERALLY ONLY A YEAR OLD)

2. What made you decide to stan P1H? i knew i liked their music but i decided to officially stan when i found out they were at FNC because n.flying is my ult, so i was like this must be a sign??? lmfao

3. Who is/are your bias(es)? jiung!

4. Your favourite era so far? in terms of music, Siren/Stand Out is my fav but in terms of looks/concept, Do It Like This/Find Out by a long shot.

5. Your favourite title track/MV? I like the MV for scared the best because the concept for it is really artistic, plus the falling rocks genuinely made me nervous so A+ for the immersive experience alkdflsdkjs

6. Your fav P1H choreo? the intro to Reset is so amazing, they are literally so in sync its mesmerizing to watch

7. Your fav b-sides? That's it is one of my favorite kpop songs ever, and idk if this counts as a title or a b side but i also love breakthrough a LOT

8. Your fav cover of theirs? MANIAC MANIAC MANIAC oh my god if you havent listened to it yet you have to. i love it even more because they were in charge of the creative direction for the video and they talked about how they had to put moodboards together and stuff. it makes me glad that they have some creative control for their content!!

10. Have you watched their little STAGE + performances? What’s your favourite? i havent seen all of them but this one with seob and intak is my favorite that ive seen. im usually not a fan of lyrical dancing like this but the beginning part is so good and i can just watch it over and over

12. Most iconic P1H tiktok in your opinion? soul glitching to the "listen to me now" audio fucking kills me. its literally so dumb but it cracks me up dlkfjsdlfs

13. A P1H moment you love? when they did the portrait drawing contest on Jongseobs birthday live, and keeho gave this big speech about how some artists arent appreciated in their time just bc he lost sldkfjlsk😭

16. A collab you’re hoping for? in their daebak show interview keeho and jiung said that they want to try more bandy music, so i think them working with n.flying would be so cool!! it would make my n.fia heart so happy

18. Fav lyric if you have one? "going my own way with two great danes, gotta stay humble like bill murray" certified iconic

19. Fav vocal, rapper and dancer? vocal has to be keeho, rapper jongseob, dancer soul!! why my own bias isnt on this list the world may never know.

23. Something you love about being a P1ece? I always love being a part of smaller fandoms because theres such a strong sense of community and dedication that sometimes gets lost in groups with huge fanbases. (in terms of like, when fanbases get bigger there can be lots of weird drama about voting or who should have won what or which fandoms are "fighting" one another but with smaller groups its like "woo!! we got a comeback!!" lmfao)It's a difficult balance, because while you want them to become successful and reach a larger audience, theres something special about stanning a newer/less well known group and feeling that camaraderie in fandom spaces.

Bonus: Anything P1Harmony-related that you want to recommend to your (non-P1ece) followers or to new P1eces?

Keeho covering "All of Me" by john legend genuinely surpasses the original, i could listen to this for days!! pls listen and be amazed!!!

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) ok so this may sound so dramatic but; let me paint you a picture: i’m responding to your latest message, sitting on the edge of the sofa. i type in “lovely anon” into the search and see this longgg post come up and i’m like uhhh... i scroll down and see the people you tagged and literally. when i saw @ lovely anon. i . cried . like full on tears. my brother goes “what are you doing” “she tagged meeeee” and he continued what he was doing and didn’t care LMAOO but i was so emotional? i love and appreciate you too and aAH IM CRYING!! you’re just really sweet and i didn’t expect it at all and it was really lovely to be a part of something :’)

the kermit pic sent meee but yes yes yes!! when you start uni let me know, lol i’m so excited for you!! let me know how it goes cuz i’m literally hype hahah & yes we will be in our sad corners of the world, missing england but you’re right it’ll be sooooo worth it in the end!!! and oH i’m glad you talk to them lol i truly thought you like haven’t seen them/haven’t spoken to them this whole time😭 that would’ve been awful!

also i totallyyy get what your saying about the english speaking thing. and idk why you’re insecure (well i *knowww* bc it’s not your first language and you’re studying it in college so yuh) but your english is great :)))

lol yeah that makes sense.. my mom took french in college and she remembers NOTHING HDJSHSJ (the fact that you wanna learn MORE languages i- ahh i so admire you.. you literally know so many languages🥺) yea i mean you know a bunch of languages bc you know the base of words lol, but i wonder if because you know latin it’ll be easier for you to learn french? oh- oh wait you said it’ll be easier HAHHAHA

THERES SO MUCH EXCITING STUFF TO TALK ABOUT HDGSJSJSL it’s so wild to me that you can’t watch chaos walking :( i’m a professional hacker tho so i’ll try and find a way for you LMAO (by professional hacker i mean i literally have gotten multiple free trials and i’m pretty sure the hulu police are after me bUT ITS THEIR FAULT BC WHY IS IT SO EXPENSIVE???) i mean the movie was good? and cute? and funny? but yea don’t think it’s gonna be the most fantastic thing haha AND THE DOGGO AWWW (i saw it again today- or my today lol, saturday, aND THESE OLD PEOPLE CAME AND SAT IN FRONT OF ME AND MY FRIEND LIKE ITS A LONG STORY LMK IF YOU WANNA HEAR IT)

SHARK FILMS?!?!! PLEASE READING THIS I HAD NO IDEA YOU WOULD LIKE SHARK MOVIES TOO FHSKSHSHDJDJGAJAYSJS ok so i haven’t seen any of the classics (i’m working on it) but i would probably watch jaws to laugh at it? not like that lmao but like comparing it. OKAY BUT HONESTLY I BARELY KNOW ANYONE WHO LIKES SHARK FILMS AHHH OKAY im adding “the shallows” to my watchlist bc it sounds super good AND SAME AHSJD ANY BODY OF WATER IN A MOVIE I JUST KNOW ITS COMING LMAO watch me not go in the water anymore after seeing that picture HHDJSJ

WHEN I READ THIS I JUST GOT DONE TALKING TO MY MOM ABOUT THE MEG AND THAT SCENE WHERE THE SHARKKK JUMPEDDDD AND ATE THE OTHER ONEEEE AND THEN JONAS HAD TO DO- bro i cannot (i think that one is my favorite because i love me a bit of romance and the subtle romance hAD ME) 47 meters down PHEW could you imagine?? i try not to think too hard about it i’m like “don’t be dumb catherine, don’t put yourself in a dumb situation” (not autocorrect having “dumb bitch” ready i am not lying) and i literally understand... there is no other way to explain 47 meters down

i CANNOT watch horror movies, can’t can’t can’t, i literally hate them i cannot do it!!! the thrill is tempting and it’s cool in the moment but i cant lmao. i don’t have nightmares about scary things (for the majority of the time) but going to sleep i’m like oooohhhhhh shit 🥲 literally what you explained

music !!!! music !!!! music !!!! (u ever write a word and now it looks weird lmao) MY BROTHER DOESNT LIKE MUSIC AND ITS SHIT IM LIKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU- anyway, my music taste is all over the place i mean......... it’s crazy. earlier today i was listening to meghan trainor’s album “title” oUT OF NOWHERE, but just a few minutes ago i was listening to fall in love with me by earth wind and fire soooo lol .. megan is *chefs kiss*, i’m not familiar with stormzy🙈, harry styles.... IM SORRY IM THAT PERSON but i don’t listen to his solo music EEK i only listen to adore you... and not that frequently... the music video freaked me out... i like niall’s solo music a lot more, which i listen to a lot more. now. one direction. favorite. please & thank you. i have a playlist called “boy bands” and it consists of one direction and the vamps (obsessed with cherry blossom btw) but as you can see my taste is all over the place!! fr fr if i sent you what apple music has as my “favorites” it went from ariana grande to carrie underwood to glee (OBSESSED DONT LET ME TALK ABOUT IT) i mean please if you let me i will nonstop (hamilton HDJSH) talk about music all day😩 & NOOO UR MUSIC IS GREAT HAHSK IM NOT A BIG RAP PERSON BUT DOJA CAT IS MY FAVORITE!!

okay good, i’m glad :) i was just nervous that you did feel that way <3 and GOT IT HAHAJ healthy pressure is always good :’) my friend got me these pens cuz i love stationary and school supplies lol and was like “now you have to write something” soooo yea i feel that! and i saw you posted the ficcccccc literally so proud of you 🥺🥺 i’m trying to decide if i read it tomorrow or tonight..... sleep or a literal beautiful creation made by the sweetest person and is v v nice smut and college!peter and 4.7k...... sleep aint really calling no more.

GIRL ALL OF MY SENTENCES ARE TOO LONG HAHAHAH IN FACT THIS IS TOO LONG SOOO (also why am i 3 days late..😑) anywho it’s 1 in the morning so <33 lovely anon

🥰

oh my god the fact that you cried nearly made me cry too😭😭🥺🥺 (also, your brother LMAO), i wasn‘t even sure if you‘d see it but i immediately thought of you so of COURSE i included you <333

the hulu police lsjsjaiaik, girl i was ready to get a hulu membership when i wanted to watch big time adolescence and i couldn‘t find it anywhereee, and when i got to the payment it said i need a bank account that‘s based in the US or whatever. like bro i was about to pay you!! but i was forced to find it somewhere (and i did, on levidia,— not that i‘ve ever used it because it‘s illegal 😤 i would never!!! i‘d rather support billion dollar companies and spend my money on watching films that i can find for free 🥰🥰🥰 not

i‘ve found chaos walking online so i‘ll watch it som time this week!! also YES TELL ME THE STORY

okay so idk if you watched/are planning on watching falcon and winter soldier but i watched the first episode the other day and they were speaking french (just a few seconds) and I UNDERSTOOD SOME WORDS DLDJDJ and i was so proud of myself. i‘ve only ever learned french with duolingo lol (i only do like 5 mins a day and that‘s why i was so surprised that i understood some of it!!). and yeah apart from latin i feel like italian, german, french and english are all similar in a sense.. i mean obviously they‘re completely different languages but for example there are some grammatical constructions in french that i think i wouldn‘t understand if i only spoke english? so when i translate those things into english you can‘t directly translate them bc you say things differently, but when i translate them into german then it makes more sense to me. idk that‘s something i noticed so i feel like if you already know multiple languages it‘s easier to learn another language compared to if you only know one language and are trying to learn a second one. even if the languages aren‘t similar then i think you get the hang of it easier.

ikd slsjsjs also i don‘t want you to think that i‘m a linguistic genius or anything lmfao, like i‘m only fluent in english and german and i‘m just a wannabe (ew that word) polyglot sksj (yes i had to google polyglot— i do think learning ancient greek would be super cool tho? like imagine studying latin AND ancient greek, whew). and honestly i don‘t think i‘ll ever be fluent in another language bc i don‘t plan on living anywhere other than germany or possibly england and i‘m not dedicated enough to properly learn any other languages esp if i don‘t have anyone to speak the language with. but i still try my best and i just love language/languages as a whole so yeah i‘m happy & just learning as much as i can dkdjh🥰

(I guess language/linguistics are/is my passion (which sounds sooo lame lmaoooo) and the word passion comes from the latin word pati (i think💀) which means to suffer, and in german passion is called Leidenschaft which basically means suffering too, idk why i‘m telling you this maybe you know it already. but ok dumb fun fact, in german you can make compound words with as many words as you like, and the longest official german word is Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz which is a law for the monitoring of labels on beef... this is such a dumb fact but i think about that word like once a day idk why dodjsjsj so... 👁👄👁)

but i‘ll stop boring you with my linguistics talk because truly i don‘t know much about languages but i am interested omg i‘m gonna shut up now.

now water + sharks. (so in non-covid times i always go to croatia with my dad during the summer, and even before ever watching a shark film i was always kind of scared in water.. but after watching so many shark films wldjdj HELP Like you know when you go deeper into the ocean and you can‘t see or feel the ground/floor? anymore.. then i just start imagining sharks. like i can‘t help it i just imagine a shark sneaking up on me or feeling something graze my foot ABD I JUST START FREAKING OUT SSKJSHSJ. idk. anyway kdkdh i do love the ocean/swimming though but the older i get the more i realise how fucking scary the ocean is ( even if we’re gonna disregard sharks)

your brother... what‘s wrong with him? HOw CAN YOU NOT LIKE MUSIC LIKE WHAT THE FAWK

OKAY BUT SAME ABOUT THE ADORE YOU MUSIC VIDEO DLDKDJSJSKSLSLKSKSJSHSH and yeah i have to say harry’s style (styles lol) as a solo artist isn‘t reaaally my cup of tea, and i only like the popular songs from his second album and the first album is only good when i‘m in the right mood (haven‘t actually listened to it in a while though, but kiwi is one of my all time favourites along with only angel but i hate the start, like it takes 40 seconds to actually begin properly). i like mgk and because of him i watched the dirt which is a film about motley crue, and now one of my favourite songs ever is same ol situation and i‘m into rock now lol. +++ justin bieber. I had a justin bieber cardboard cutout thingy😭 i was the biggest Belieber on earth when i was 13-16, but i didn‘t like his last album and tbh he‘s become a bit weird lately, BUT OH MY GOD. i Listened to his new album yesterday and i‘m in LOVE with the song hold on

i really like niall‘s music toooo!!!! And doja cat 😌😌😌😌 And THE VAMPS OG MY GOD. i got to see them live bc they were the opening/support act for little mix and ajdsjskslslsjsjsj. (Also i love concerts, some of the best memories of my life are concerts, i‘ve seen nicki minaj live 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and justin twice and my heart fills every time i think about how excited i was, it was my first concert ever (16th of September 2016 😌) and i was the happiest person alive seeing justin drew fucking bieber (even if i‘m not tooo sure about justin nowadays)

i have a confession? Idk what hamilton is. I mean I‘ve heard about it and i keep googling it but i‘ve never watched it (is it even a film???? or like a proper musical? also pls tell me you grew up with high school musical. i have a few friends who didn‘t and it makes me so sad 😭😭😭 hsm is the best thing to happen to my childhood , the sooooongs— i still listen to some of them every week or month lool they make me so happy)

(Okay wait i was about to recommend some stormzy songs but you said you‘re not that into rap so i won‘t dksksjl)

What you said about my fic AHSLSLSJB (i wasn‘t sure if you sent an ask about it earlier? idk that might have been someone else, so if it was (and you‘ve read it already) i hope you liked it sksjsj i was...... unsure about it. and i have this reeaaallly long peter fic that i started writing in december and that‘s the only peter thing i currently want to write but also i can‘t because idk how to continue kddjj.) but I’m definitely getting back into writing i have a few blurbs that i want to write so 🥰🥰🥰

Oh and pls as soon as you read this let me know: violet or yellow? (it‘s just a tiny thing for my new theme slsksj)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

weird to think back on things like the funky experience of being The All A’s/B’s gang and then The All A’s person during middle school and the Smart Kid designation cuz we all have a godawful time within the k-12 education system and also in Higher Education / academia as well and the setup isn’t like, good for anyone though natch between the “lack of attention / occasional positive attention” and “frequent / negative attention” ends of the experience the former is preferable; apparently weird to have been Good Student passing b/c again idk i have good retention and could memorize shit in homeroom for a quiz that day and that was great b/c actually i had godawful / nonexistent study habits and actually basically hated school and did anything last minute and all but like whatever, i could figure out / understand and remember shit more efficiently / faster than usual so like, idk, i’d get wild results ig. and anyways yeah Smart Kid throughout all of k-12 but like, although i don’t think i’m Not smart in any way, it’s like, but no i hated school and never really tried, that inferred correlation wasn’t there but like also there’s the weird Presumed Identity for you. and it Was weird b/c idk i was like, okay? “perpetually nebulous / imprecise / uncertain sense of identity” gang out here and i’m like hmm okay Am i “the good grades getter?” and then apparently you are cuz like welp that’s the Expectation, and also in my case i was also in the “oops let’s minimize ptsd party” gang of Gotta Get As/Bs motivation..............the point is like, it’s funny how despite that concept of what The A’s Getter is, by now i’m like oh but that’s not even like, my Main Thing, much less my Whole thing. my main thing is that i get wildly interested and passionate about stuff and when i’m really about shit i’m So about it and into it and all that yknow. and it’s like, would be cool if i hadn’t had to like, first fight past this arbitrary Assigned Box to even start to figure out what i’m Really like. but Schools aren’t out here about like allowing for people to be varied individuals and shit. plus, weirdly i’m not sure if i hadn’t had that “Positive” Label to supplant any others that my autistic ass would’ve been largely left alone as much as it generally was............even I didn’t get through middle school w/o some light bullying peppered in there but hey for the most part i got by. and like, i remember 15 was a time for a wild Agonizing Spike cuz that was the point i was having to try to settle on a college major and i was like bitch i don’t know!!! for starters how is every 19 / 20 y.o supposed to know!!! but like litchrelly a year and a half ago my ass was in middle school and barely had any opportunities to individually choose what to pursue, and even if i Had an interest i would sometimes assume if it didn’t seem like The Smart Kid choice i would just assume that like, my interest would only be Allowed to go so far. so yeah i’m 14-15 for the first time having a little breathing room and allowed to pick out my own shit and investigate various stuff (cuz of the luck of getting to live on campus aka parents are Not around and i can be around for more than just Classes) and yet like, that wasn’t enough time to suddenly Fully Realize The Whole Of My Own Identity And What My Actual Passions And Life Goals And Etc Are. plus i kinda remember that i figured i’d flunk out and so was kinda Not spending freshman year expecting to actually be able to do this college thing.....so yeah i always distinctly remember the Stress of sophomore year with this Timer counting down of “gotta declare a major oh god” and trying somehow to Realize What I’m Even Like (i did partially lmao outside of the Academic aspect of it) and obviously like, that’s a Lot.......................plus it was kind of doomed anyways cuz i do remember that when i even mentioned the fact of like “hey what if i majored in ______ [cuz i’m evidently actually like thinking social issues are what i’m thinking i could dedicate my attention to, i’m 15 idk trying to figure this shit out]” and it got immediately brushed off cuz of my mom’s assumptions about what i was like based on my being Smart(tm) and my not wanting to tell my parents about anything Actually about myself by that point so that was like..........well cool to know that that’s not an option for me anymore thanks to immediate dismissal........................like i totally remember that by sophomore year i was def Swiss Idol and “i don’t have a clue what to major in” was a big part of that 9_9...............and like, doing college early is kinda crazy but also Not having high school to mayyyybe figure things out for a bit before hurtling towards Declare Major at 92384 mph is like, would it have helped? who can say. but for example, i know Now i’m a theatre gay, and the limited number of friends-ish i made at college was basically all theatre gays what a surprise, but i myself didn’t ever touch that because i had No direct experience with it, because middle school didn’t have that extracurricular, and then being dropped into hs with people who did? i was like fuck i’m not auditioning for shit i really don’t know how to do. i’m not even Supposed To Be Here goddamn!! i can karaoke avpm in the first floor lounge that’s IT!! fuckin r.i.p. but i mean also i Know high school is it’s own fuckin mess that’s hardly like “flourish as individuals!!” all a sudden. like how i don’t know if i’d’ve been “solid B’s” gang if i would’ve had more room to just figure out my own shit earlier, or if things would’ve been even More miserable cuz of my replacement Type being something more frowned upon cuz weird loser was def waiting in the wings............and then of course Smart Kid expectation constraints wasn’t hardly the only issue in holding back that “oh wait but what am i like *Actually*” process cuz if i was in high school i would’ve been around my parents every day and That was just as much if not more a hindrance in figuring myself out. like going to college may have been useful in that yes i did learn shit but if nothing else i am glad for it b/c the strides i made in “god damn i have to get away from these people (my parents lmfao)” and knowing at least that i’m not Like what THEY thought i was like was E ssen tial Knowledge..........but anyhow like the point of looking back on this shit isn’t to figure out How To Have Run The Perfect Course cuz obviously what’s the point in imagining as broad a what-if, but it’s good for Understanding shit currently..........like oh yeah this crap probably Affected me!! and you gotta know the history to understand the present...............it’s just really wild how like, Passion and (rarely activated) Energy And Intense Interest is like, what i consider my Thing now, and that was like. not what i ever heard anyone else tell me that’s what i’m Like, like, ever basically. i mean not that i don’t think i’m Not smart. it’s just like, not my whole thing and it just kinda feels more incidental, right. What If the whole time i’d been able to pursue whatever i felt like is a wiiiiiiiild question i don’t even know. there’s been so Little of that that’s its absolutely off the shits to be able to put together “oh right i’ve been a theatre gay all along” and “actually i Have performed on stage a decent number of times and supremely thrived in those experiences and i Know i was interested cuz i wished like (@ my family: dni)” and have this very simple (and thus far unusable) Knowledge about something i actually like and am interested in, cuz for the most part it’s [??? ?? ? ?? ???]

on a shorter but related note: the Camaraderie i feel with everyone in the “either has or wants to or would even seriously consider Cutting Ties with parent/s" gang and like, always very Interested in the various experiences within this v broad category. cuz there are so many factors playing into Why you’re in this group and then there’s so many factors in regards to whether someone actually feels able to ditch a ‘rent or two, and then beyond that, all the factors in whether someone’s actually able to............like, knowing that it’s never “lucky” to have to be in this group in the first place, i fairly am Lucky about it in many ways cuz, first of all, lucky to have been able to actually execute [eff off from parents] maneuver, and lucky to get to Know that’s what i totally needed to do........we are all Valide in how we try to deal with relations w/ parents that are so bad you even have to think about “maybe i have to Not Have This Person In My Life At All” and like, when people are dealing with that but Don’t feel they have the option to truly cut that parent or two out of their life, that’s like, well as someone who once felt that way and can Empathize and yet also had these Factors Line Up which let me peace out which aren’t factors that are in play for everyone (as well as a lack of other factors which Are relevant for others and which might mean Leaving Behind Parent/s 5eva isn’t an option they’d consider) it’s like Oh wow, let me hear more about that experience. tldr the camaraderie

oh and ps. it’s funny how like, in my post-being-in-school life, i thiiiiiiiink people usually probably assume i’m Kinda Dumb if anything. cuz the Grades don’t exist anymore but i’m still autistic!!!!! which is another wild factor in thinking about like “well what if [some aspect of my life] had been entirely different, hmmm” cuz it’s like. well i’d’ve still been autistic lmao..............the Social shit has like, been an issue even before the other usual shit in school cuz i Knew i wasn’t fitting in at preschool when all we were doing was like, learning colors and going outside. and it always was a bit distressing to me Never really having more than a couple friends and even then not that close or anything, right? and also how i’d try to Fix this with various strategies and trying out different situations like “oh well i’m not putting myself out there i’ll put myself out there” [tries it and it half-backfires] or “well if i’m spending a weekend with people who know me from Online they’re gonna like me for sure” [majority of ppl in a sub Friend Group i’m peripheral to and i’m intermittently stressed the whole time] “Ah Fuck” lmao and honestly only recently am i like oh right..............when you’re autistic socializing just in a very fundamental way is really like That*.................(*a way i can’t easily explain lmao)............like really just in mad recent times kind of realizing like, oh, okay, i don’t think i can ever Adjust My Approach and just suddenly become good at Easily Makes Friends and that kind of shit..............finally just kinda realizing like ohh right okay i really just do Not do “normal good conversation” like you’re supposed to and that’s just chill The Way It Is not necessarily “not good enough at it” way but It Just Is Different way like........yeah it can be Not Pointless to try to modify your social approach and that’s true for absolutely anyone, but like say, if i’m like oh if i simply get Better at [social interaction task] i will then finally be Good at it, it’s like, shit well that’s honestly just not how it works for me. like, #getting how after a point it’s like “okay learning to do [task] in a way that’s more [like this] is maybe gonna be better for Masking / seeming allistic but like, not for Actually giving me a social experience that’s more fulfilling for Me.” Plus, it’s like, i’m also way more (or okay at least As Much) socially limited by external factors, probably. 

pps oh and also, tangentially related b/c Autistique, it’s wild how every time you delve into (something At All specific about autism) you’ll probably learn something Utterly new about autism which is like god damn this isn’t That niche why haven’t i heard this!! why do i have to know there are 538 other would-be “i should already know this” revelations waiting for me about this topic cuz you have to manage to dig up this stuff on your own and dodge all the unhelpful bullshit types of sites where it’s Not about info from people / for people who are autistic? please. it’s almost like this is a constant and important part of my identity that affects p much every aspect of my life and is helpful to hear others’ info about the collective experience of it b/c like, it’s literally all in your own head and you can’t just somehow Know the ways you’re different in that realm just from emergent traits you can pick up on and figure out. ugh!!!! anyways

this is LONG but NO readmore b/c eh. who am i if not [i hope everyone hates my blog this week.jpg] every week

[borisbubbles]

ESC2019 Preshow #19

19. SWEDEN John Lundvik - “Too late for love?” SemiFinal 2, #08

As we speak journalists from all over the Euroverse are flocking around John Lundvik to ask very ancamfartable question to him: “Bigger Than Us really is your song or”? Poor man he probably doesn’t even remember that the demo was submitted to the BBC <3

ENTRY ANALYSIS

After the disaster that was last year’s Melfest, Christer VOWED to reinvent the competition and bring ~Quality~ this year. He... kept his promise I guess? He said it contained two songs which could WIN ESC and one of them won (after wiping the juries lmfao - Christer never rigs, ever). "Too late for love” nothing but an excellent showcase of Sweden’s musical expertise, but I’ll pass on dissecting it  because a of all, I know very little of music theory and b of all, I don’t care what instruments are used in which order and in whether the clef is in C-minor or D-Moll or WHATEVER. The song isn’t nearly as important as what you do with it. 

So I settle for an easy comparison and the netizens apparently loooooooove comparing  “Too Late For Love” is “Nobody but you” for some reason (🌚). I can see why, but I disagree. They’re not that alike. “Too late for love” is better in every single way imaginable: It’s cheerful, it has a more consistent storyline, with a performer who isn’t dressed like your mom’s pilates instructor and doesn’t have awful tryhard arty-farty staging :-) 

However, TLFL’s excellent use of musical theorems (I guess?) is also why I don’t love it. I like it, sure, why wouldn’t I? It’s a good song. However, that’s also *all* it is and Eurovision is so much more than a summation of perfectly executed technicalities.  It’s about having *IT* and Lundvik doesn’t have *it* for me. TLFL lacks an identity beyond “This Is A Good Song”, which others in this category such as “Mercy” and “Running” had. BUT IS IT TOO LATE FOR LOOOOOOOVE? IS IT??

NF Corner

Mello was good this year!!! It’s nowhere near the level of 2012-2016 (definitely THE golden age of Melfest, at least for the years I’ve seen), but there was a lot of variation and it’s easy enough to find songs to root for. 

(In a way I resent that John won because it’s *way* more rewarding to sink my teeth into any the other songs because they have more to offer in terms of camp and humour, but w/e that’s just me)

Starting off our batch for today’s NF corner is LINA HEDLUND of Alcazar fame:

A perfectly lightweight, timeless campy schlager anthem sung by a ~Glamourous Cougress~. We at BorisBubbles WORSHIP OUR COUGARS AND HAGS (Tamta <3 Tamta’s song </3) especially if adorned in a salmon-pink cape and a giant halo.

Even some of the NQ-fodder had merits: Meet Oscar En Lestat:

Lol he looks like he ran out of the set of “Interview of a Vampire: The Remake”. 😂 “I love it” has a pretty dope beat, and that’s without considering the plot twist that this song is about Oscar’s century old girlfriend. Like, seriously,

THAT’s where the styling ideas come from, right? He even uses her nail varnish lmfao stop I am DYING.😂  Anyway, is it any surprise to you this song finished LAST in its semifinal lmfao. Not even Sweden could get into it because they were too busy laughing their asses off <3 Hatrið mun sigra!!

But there was ONE entry I was absolutely smitten by. I don’t think any of you would disagree when I say that I absolutely ADORED Anna Bergendahl: 

They say Anna was a broken arrow... well watch her as she shoots!!! There’s a fire on the horizon and this song is the spark: In three minutes it ERASES all of the festering dislike I had for “It���s my life” and makes me feel EXCITED whenever I hear the name ‘Bergendahl’. Like a top of the mountain, like a wishing well fountain, we were the luck of the draw to have witnessed the Anna Renaissance, fighting her way though Andra Chansen like a beacon before a fire, like a boxer before a fight, topping charts and coming out as her own here, only to be PAINFULLY jury snubbed. But she’s gonna live, she’s gonna die and she’s gonna BURN!!! ~Ashes to ashes and dust to dust and ashes to ashes again~

It would’ve been PERFECT had Anna been the bun of this decade’s Sweden Smörgås (preferably by qualifying and redeeming herself). There were several other entries I could potentially showcase here but this write-up is already getting way too long for my tastes, so let’s move on to:

Qualification Odds: Guaranteed Qualifier

Yes, obviously this qualifies? lol. I mean, it’s not even the name “Sweden”. TLFL would qualify for fucking Slovakia, that’s how good it is. It’s well-produced and well-performed [by a man], ergo it advances. Period.

Having said that, "Too late for love” lack of a concrete identity raises my concern. Most people, myself included, are lukewarm to it, which is nice not what wins Eurovision. You need to make people love you and well, I don’t think it’s too late for love (is it?), but Sweden need to something and they need to do it fast. I really want Sweden to do better than Robin and Frans now that they have an entry I actually LIKE but ugh how can I win when I lose? :sob: Notice that their odds haven’t shortened once since Lundvik won Melfest and that indicates to me they may not do as well as advertised...

Projected placement: 3rd-5th in the semfinal. After he qualifies, he’ll place between 5th and 10th in the Grand Final. 

Link to the masterpost

[briteboy]

okay i’m gonna be real with you. i have...a LOT...of messages. going as far back as like...january? probably? i know...i’m so bad...don’t crucify me. i tried to get through all of them but there were a lot that i didn’t have a worthwhile reply for so i’m sorry if i didn’t answer something you sent :{

so here we have: a lot of nice things, a lot of santisms, reactions to the lou and cillian punchout, a few responses to my portfolio and other stuffs...i wanted to put astrology asks in at the end but it’s...a lot more than i thought it was and it’s 3 am so i’d rather die than answer all of those LMAO sorry. i’ll get to it next time

Anonymous said:

u can delete the snorting cum asks but it will still follow you for eternity

okay so I saw the ask about snorting cum and it reminded me of a time that cum came out of my nose. It was gross but my boyfriend and I laughed it off. idk. I thought it would be a funny thing to share!! i'd understand if you didn't want this on your blog!! (maybe it makes you laugh!!)

wELL. WE’RE OFF TO A GOOD START HERE. i’m screaming at this...i hope nothing EVER comes out of my nose ever in life...i hate this but ur right it did make me laugh

(Winry anon again) Also, did you get her name from FMA Winry Rockbell because if so I love it

hehe...yes...

hornybodies

this is what bartsim calls me and i hate her for it

whats the truth bitch

I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT THIS IS ABOUT BUT I’M LAUGHIGN

i never realised how much i actually missed santi but now im CRYING AND I WANT HIM BACK IN EVERY SINGLE POST WITH LOU BY HIS SIDE LIVING HAPPILY EVER AFTER PLEASE

I missed santirat's beautiful face there are literal tears rn

me too...i hate that i miss him so much it’s so freaking dumb...i haven’t cried to my own story in a while but i bet i’m gonna once santi’s comeback rolls around. i’m already bracing myself

nvm u can have the lovely rat back, that way my heart wouldn’t be hurting like it is now

honestly yeah that’s fair

Been silently following your blog and though I'm more of a "ghost"(? What does that even mean¿) follower, I can't help but express just how chocked I am to see Santi again OMG. Gutted Lou has had a flashback, she does not deserve this. :'(

hello casper the friendly ghost...i love having santi pop up with surprise flashbacks hehe...ur right though she DOES NOT NEED THIS in her life, but it will get better for her soon do not fret my ghoulish friend

I need more pics of Lou and Santi together I’m not satisfied, thankssss

ELI AND MIYU GETTING SO EXCIted WHEN LOU TOLD THEM SHE LIKES GIRLS MY HEART :’)

HEHEH i love it cause that’s literally how my friends and i act, it was fun to write in a scene :~} i’m glad you liked it :’}}

Yeah when I cut my hair short everyone assumed I liked girls I found it kind of odd, but I didn't care too much. It mostly just made me end up realizing all the shit lgbt people go through, one time a guy literally went up to me and my friend, my bff who no one really knew was a lesbian was terrified because he said "oh dont worry lesbians are hot, but gay guys are just disgusting" it ended up he was talking to me, i just rolled up a piece of paper as tight as I could and smacked him on the head

EWW first of all that guy can take his weird fetishization and homophobia elsewhere thanks...i’m glad you threw a paper ball at him LMAO. but yeah on one hand, coming from ignorant/straight people it’s like “uhhhh why would you assume that about me”, within the lgbt community it’s like...common ground...an inside joke...i guess? so it’s weird. the link between hair, clothes and sexuality is can definitely be harmful in certain circumstances

fiona is my spirit animal and i love her ok thanks for coming to my TED Talk

that was illuminating thank you

i re-read santis story and i s2g i've read it so many times idk, but like its so easy to read i dont mean like emotionally but it flows really well. and like its not too confusing i hate when people make overly convoluted stories in an excuse for being deep its some good shit good job my dude

AKJSDKGKSJD THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i never expected anyone to read it oNCE let alone REPEATEDLY...that really makes me so happy though because it’s definitely something you have to go back and read to catch all the details. ahhhhh thank you so much, i never ever want my story to be too complicated so i’m glad you don’t think it is!!

im crying because your recent post reminds me so much of my relationship with my mom when i was younger... she was always out of a job and sometimes we had to resort to living with other family members, it was all really hard on her and especially with having a kid she had to take care of at the same time. even though these are fictional characters, it’s comforting to know that other people have gone through the same situations i have. i love fiona and lou so much, they’re my heart and soul <3

OMG ;_________; i’m crying i’m so glad it resonates with you...i had a lot of friends growing up who were in similar situations and i think i kinda based lou and fi’s relationship on that, so you’re definitely not alone <33 i’m so glad you love them i love u

basically what I’ve learned from these asks is that Gianni is a perfect god-like human and I want one

he is. one time an anon told me they were like santi but they wanted to be rooney and i was like “i’m both santi and rooney on different days and i want to be gianni.” now u know why

hi, i just wanted to pop in and say that i really, really love your blog and i admire your editing skills SO much, i think you are EXTREMELY talented and i don't think you get told that enough. i've been following you for awhile now and i am in love with ALL of your stories, characters and edits you've put out! you're really an inspiration to me and i hope someday my edits can turn out as good as yours!! i don't have reshade so it's harder for me, but i'm trying to learn!! ok have a good day :-)

OMFG ;-; I DO GET TOLD IT A LOT AND IT STILL SEEMS FAKE...you don’t have to go out of your way to compliment me ;___; but thank you so so so much i’m crying...it makes me so giddy that i might inspire someone like WHAT...i don’t even know what i’m doing half the time i edit so u will definitely be able to catch up to me one day even if you don’t have reshade, i know it. i edited without reshade for like 2 and a half years on this blog so you can do it i promise!! have a good day/night/life i love u

fuck my succ

I'm in need of some giannti in my life

we all need some gianti in our lives

Hey! I just wanted to say that ur an amazing writer. You portray everything so well, it’s insane. I want to be a writer someday and I hope my writing is at least somewhat close to yours. Have an awesome day my dude💕

WOW I’M CRYING...i still have a lot of room to grow and so do you, i hope you are able to become the writer you want to be :’} and thank you so much for the wonderful compliment i’m emo have a great day as well

aver is my queen, confirmed.

avey is everyone’s queen confirmed

oksy but listen, look up the model Charlotte Ray Spencer

i did but i couldn’t find her?? all that came up was ray spencer obituaries in charlotte, SC LMFAO...charlotte spencer is an actress tho it seems, is that...who...? omfg

MAY I JUST OFFER THIS NEW SONG OF THE NEIGHBOURHOOD CALLED VOID BC I HAVE A FEELING SANTI WOULD LOVE IT (it's also meant for my aggressive sadboi oc)

OH I LOVE THIS IT FITS PERFECTLY WITH THE PLAYLIST I’M MAKING FOR THE NEW ERA OF SANTI...THANK YOU I’M TOTALLY ADDING IT

I had a ectopic pregnancy when I was seventeen but I feel like I got off lightly compared to Molly. Your story is so beautiful in so many ways, I think it’s incredible how much character development you’ve managed to pull off honestly I’m amazed. Thank you ❤️

omg ;_______; i don’t even know what to say to this, but it means so much to me i can’t even put it into words. thank you thank you thank you so much, and i’m so sorry you had to go through that as well. molly was an extreme case and i hope no one has to go through what she went through. i’m glad you’re okay now, and thank you so much for reaching out to me and reading my story at all ;-; <3333

just a heads up: the links button on your ccfinds blog goes to the femmefinds url still

oh yeah i know i’m gonna be real with you...i’m too lazy to fix it lmAO

Luv your stick n poke tats u posted!!! Could u do more? Maybe on diff places on the bod?? Ur so talented. Xx

omg that was FOREVER ago...maaaaaybe in the future...we shall see...but thank you <33

Can u do a family portrait for all ur characters like u did w Lou!!!

oooooh hehe i probably will in the future!!

Kill v maim is one of my favorite songs of all time omg it makes me wanna wear ripped jeans and a leather jacket and cover myself in glitter and smash some windows with a baseball bat MMMMMM

HELL yeah me too...i become a cyber punk alien vampire when i hear that song

maybe do a casting call posted here ? u have many followers and im sure a good chunk live in ur area and would be willing to model ^_^

omg SCARY...i probably could tho tbh that’s a good idea, thank you!

hi sunny, what program do you use to merge your cc and what do you use to detect and remove broken cc that just doesn't work in game anymore? thanks!

i actually haven’t merged on my new laptop yet but i used s4s for merging and there’s the mod conflict detector!!

My game hasn't been working since the first Cats and Dogs patch but I uninstalled and reinstalled and it finally works again 😭

sunny!! would you recommend your computer to play ts4 on? has it good graphics, can handle the highest settings and so? i really need a new computer but i have no idea which one to go for

yes i would recommend it!! i have reshade, ultra settings and like 8 gb of cc.

thanks for answering my ask eee ur story is probably the best ive read on here and yeah. i love how everything connects and everyones just so real. you dont have to post this i just wanted to thank you for being my inspiration and making me smile, laugh, cry, and scream in the middle of the night with your characters.

I LOVE U...it still sounds so fake to me when people say i inspire them, i don’t even know how to respond to all this ;-; just thank you for sparing a glance my way and resonating with my creations. <3 we scream and cry 2gether

I listened to Separator by Radiohead on repeat whilst reading Santi’s story and now that song just reminds me of him and Lou. I’d totally suggest listening to it’s so good! As is your story :3 xxx

oh radiohead that’s good sh*t...i’m listening to it now and i feel the santou vibes...especially when santi’s feeling out of his mind and she’s the only one who can calm him...haha cool..anyways THANK YOU!!!!

how do you make poses for the roof? i'm not sure how i can know if the sims will clip into the roof or float

honestly i just...eyeball it...because all roofs are different and you can’t put them into blender so. i just winged it lmao...i just made a pose that looked like it could’ve been lou climbing out the window, only the rig was still ground level, and then i used alt + 9 to lift the teleporter onto the roof as best as i could. that’s why it probably wouldn’t be a very practical pose to release, because i have no way of making it easy to use 

Lou punched him and I knew it would happen. 😀👌 nice, nice I like Lou whopping ass.

hehe i’m glad you enjoyed it...who knew she had a freaking hook like that

ok a theory... santi went to look for molly's mother and yea

omg tell me cillian sings every other freckle at some point

OMFG well...that song came out in 2013 and the current flashback year is 2008 so. i would personally murder cillian myself if he was still in lou’s life 5 years after this honestly

hey kitty girl! i was wondering if you could answer this teensy lil question i got. im writing a "story" anddd i was trying to figure out how to make some parts not cliche. like i hate reading about whatever and being like girll ive done seen this before so i just needs to know. kisses

i absolutely love how this is worded and the fact that u called me kitty, very cute. anyway...this is pretty broad, perhaps you could clarify what kinda cliches you want to steer clear from? a lot of the time when i know something is gonna be cliche and there’s no avoiding it, i just kinda own up to it and try to subtly point out how cliche it is and somehow that makes it work out better...like being self aware somehow adds another more realistic element to the story that makes it better? idk...anyway dm me if you need help!!

so.... lou can remember more of what happened? this is good! go 2 the police bitch! tell them!!!!!!!

she should!! but the only problem is she doesn’t have proof. so... 🤔

how do you write your stories in a way that everything is organized and you're certain and not confused with everything? i mean, do you have any way for writing that let you develop your stories with not so much difficults? i'm trying to write an story for months but i only have a few of the most important events on my mind, i don't know how to develop another important details, i always feel that everything is confuse or crap

hmmmmm well my mind is very ah convoluted so it’s a wonder any of this comes out even somewhat cohesive? but basically i have a very good memory and utilize google docs a lot hahaha. i’ve gone in depth about my writing process here!

whats a good way when it comes to starting a sims story? i mean like the first post? :/

ummmmmm maybe test the waters a bit and just make a post introducing your character(s) first? or dive right in and get sh*t started. it could go either way tbh

boyish by japanese breakfast is a santixlou bop

oh sh*t!!!!!! i love japanese breakfast!! and i love this thank you!

So is lou like into cillian in a way? Making him kinda be in her type

as of right now (in the flashbacks)? HELL fucking no. but you’re right, she did say those things in the future to santi. so 🤔

Everyone guessing shit stupidly annoys me haha. I'M UNOBSERVANT AND I DON'T WANNA GO BACK AND CHECK SHIT, LET ME LIVE. *Like* if you a ~dum~ reader who doesn't want every bit of foreshadowing called out. lol

i respect this honestly whenever i drop the hottest foreshadowing of 2018 i never expect my inbox to flood like it does but here we are and i am amazed

CILLIAN NEEDS TO FUCKING FIGHT ME (TYPING THIS ON MY COMPUTER BC I SAW HIS DINOSAUR ASS AND CHUCKED MY PHONE OUT THE WINDOW)

i’m screaming...i’m so sorry it’s my fault about your phone but like also i’m poor i can’t pay for that

i'm studying your latest posts because they're beautiful and my hatred for that long necked bitch is intensifying -- what makes me burn even more is that he's still wearing her necklace, can we say let the bitch burn?

burn babey burn

Why don't you use quick tags?

i’m dumb is why

CILLIAN IS SUCH A SHITASS I HATE HIS FACE WHY R U DOING THIS TO ME

BRUHHHHH THE DINOSAUR LOOKIN ASS BOY IS B A C K run

WAIT THE NECKLACE. HE STOLE THE MCFUCKING NECKLACE BROOOOO

What if Fi's blue eyes are from... Cillian..?

wHY did you have to make him cute and fucking cool though? I still hate him but it's harder.

NVM I JUST LOOKED AT THE POST AGAIN HES WEARING HER NECKLACE INHOPE SHE CHOKES HIMS WOTH IT THIS TIME

I SCREAMED AT THIS SERIES OF QUESTIONS OISDFNGJKDSKJN yeah sorry he’s conventionally attractive but unsettlingly so and i feel uneasy when i look at him and plus the fact that he’s literally evil so .

im like, to 90% sure that cillian is in ace joker. so that song might have reminded lou of him...

this was sent right after that scene of lou hearing the song at pippin’s, so

My conspiracy theory is that cillian is Lou's father. Speakimg of which are we gonna get to that soon, I'm dying of curiosity;.;

I’M LAUGHING I THINK U MEANT FIONA’S FATHER AKSJDKJGDSJ but yeah well. You’ll See

what do u resize ur photos to?

whatever 33% of 1920x1080 is i forget. i have a resizing + sharpening action so i just run that

im about to kill those kids if they keep fucking with my baby

THESE BITCHES BULLYING MY BABY LOU? CATCH THESE HANDS

me @ these ugly kids:

Who are the best creators for mens clothing? I struggle so much to find good cc creators with men specifically!

badabing badaboom

I’m not sure if you’ve converted things before but do you know any good sims 3 cc to sims 4 tutorials? Or your followers?

errrrrr i have no idea i’m sorry :x

would you consider making like a photoshop psd file with all the layers in your editing process?

omg...heck no it would be so unhelpful OMFG mostly because my editing is just my own action + shading and highlighting unique to that pic

would you ever do an editing timlapse of your gameplay pics? 💖💖

ahhhhh maybe!! probably in the future!

OMG HEATHERS WAS FILMED AT MY HIGH SCHOOL AND IM JUST HYPED UP SEEING IT BEING MENTIONED ON THIS ACCOUNT!!

OMFG THAT’S RAD...i’ve literally only seen it once tho i’m fake

I'M SHOOK. my friend kinda asked me out and I wanna say yes but my parents won't let me date. I'm 18! I need your advice! -signed 18 and alone anon

um UR 18 BUDDY UR AN ADULT...DATE WHOEVER THE F*CK U WANT HONESTLY

Can you pretty please link some photoshop tutorials you recommend? I really want to make my photos more cinematic and like your's without totally copying you or someone else. All I do right now is sharpen, color balance, and add some noise and then resize. I really need some more ways to get better looking photos such as yours.

ahhhhh the problem is i don’t know of any i’m sorry...lmao this is totally unhelpful :\ i have my own editing tutorial which is outdated but can probably help you out with the basics of lighting effects and shading n stuff?

Heyyy, I saw that you answered a question about making a ps action like your reshade, and I just wanted to say that I would love that! Unfortunately Mac users like me, can’t use reshade unless boot camping Windows onto our computers...☹️ and your reshade is just soooo pretty...

i don’t know if i’ll be able to replicate the reshade effect totally but i could release the action i’ve made for myself? it warms up screenshots but is totally adjustable to your liking for different color tones so in that way it’s kinda similar to the reshade. i’ll seeeeee what i can do...i know the woes of mac users all too well, my friend

i just wanna give lou a big ol cozy hug :o((( pls

pls hug her she needs it.

Do you post on tumblr from your phome or from your computer? Just curious.

mostly from my computer, sometimes i answer messages on my phone while i’m out and you can tell because autocorrect actually makes me use proper capitalization for once in my life

how many hours have you played the sims? for me i have 4,070 hours. haha help

OMFG i think mine is like...900 or something...i can’t tell if that’s too much or too little, but it’s definitely inaccurate

if i could only look at one person's tumblr from now on it would be yours. ur literally the queen of tumblr #shookaf and also i really hope i die before you ever say ur leaving tumblr cause when u do, i will legit die and bury my own grave. i really appreciate u and hope one day i can be on ur level but rn im at level 1.5 while ur up in the millions :D

I’M SCREAMING PLEASE I AM A PLEB.............i cry u flatter me too much ;-; i genuinely hope i never leave this place because it’s been so fun and it’s helped me evolve so much as an artist and a writer, plus i made some of my greatest friends on here. so i hope that day never comes!! but who knows life is wild. anyway i’m sure you’re actually like at level 578 and are just being modest. it’s okay you don’t have to be humble

i think its so cool that you and wanderlust and other simmers use multiple worlds to make your own town and stuff. idk why but thats just so cool to me and i would have never thought of it. love your blog and story <3

omg!!! well i couldn’t resist, i love a bunch of them and can’t limit myself to just one ya know. plus the more i thought about it, the more my gen 2 story kinda centers around these kids from this one town and the town itself is very relevant. so i felt like i had to make my own!! and i’m very excited to get started with that hehe

I just met a guy named Rodrigo Santiago and I sCREAMED HOLY SHIT

Update (tho idk of you got the first one): I just got a text from a classmate named Rodrigo Santiago. I'm sCREECHING

no freaking way. there’s no way i don’t believe...i want proof...

YOU SO FUCKIN PRECIOUS WHEN U SMILE

dont worry about posting this or do idc but i just wanted to say you should write about whatever you want and not care about whether people think you condone it or not. if i (a gay male) were to write about lesbians its not like im saying YOU HAVE TO BE LESBIANS BLAH BLAH BLAH you know what i mean? or if im writing about a robbery doesnt mean im like condoning robbery so like idk you do you boo and keep it coming ;D ilysm btw

OMFG no yeah i get it, i mean i think now especially in this online environment, people are hyper aware of Problematique things and so they’re a little too quick to point fingers without looking deeper than the surface. and whatever it’s fine people are always gonna be like that because people are mostly inherently judgmental, especially when it comes to consuming media. artists/writers face stuff like this all the time because people refuse to look past the surface, hence why works have gotten misconstrued all the time. but yeah i really appreciate this sentiment, thank u i love u

hope this isnt a weird question but what is the image size that u used for your character page?? thnk u 💕

omg it’s 300x300

have u listened to visions of gideon by sufjan stevens i was listening to it while reading ur stories and it made me so :(

oh my boy sufjan aka gianni’s personality claim i love him...and this song is :{ but i love even if it’s from the nasty age gap peach fucking movie

If i was married to Jamie and he treatin’ our daughter like that… oh I swear HES GOT TO GO!

it’s 2 am i’m so tired answering all of these i forgot who jaime was for a sec i was like um why are we talking about GoT anyways good night

how does alpha hair work with reshade? it seems so good in your screenshots and i’ve seen that in others screenshots it looks bad? whats the secret?

well good morning haha jk i never went to sleep anyway here u go

hooow do you make adorable toddlers in ts4?? teach me, gimme some advice please :(((

chubby cheeks! big eyes! small faces! little but plump lips! a good skin! dats all

how did u get ur sim onto the fire escapes?

ze teleporter mod, that’s it

I snickered at the, THE RETURN OF SANTI. Like I imagine it written in red horror lettering and santi just busts down the door and says ho ho ho im back bench, Did U miss me?

honestly i own a calendar and if i knew a definite date u already fucking kNOW it would be up there

ahhh im sorry for asking but im wondering how you find voice claims?? i'm looking for some for my sims, but it's tough to find one that's *right*, you know?? and your voice claims are great!! thank you <3

OMG voice claims are HARD, i literally just like “collect” them over time...i have a list in my phone of voices i like/may use in the future lmao, but try to think of actors or musicians and search interviews/movie or tv scenes with them speaking!!

i don't even read your story but i still follow you because i love your personality, sim style and just your whole entire tumblr

u follow me for ME? UM...what are u doing here...i’m so sorry (i love u...)

do you have a different reshade preset for flashback screenshots and for the present ones?

i do not!! i just edit differently

what happened to the honeycomb?

OMFG it’s still there...but we legit haven’t seen it since girooni’s wedding so um...it’s gonna have to get a makeover. i’m gonna do it when girooni come back home so i can finally show rupi working there like...wow...she deserves to be seen

lou's dad is the biggest asshole and i am waiting for the day that bitch dies

us when he dies

shit theory: caroline goes to find and confront cillian about what he did in teen lou timeline. care ends up forming a crush on cillian and goes back to meet him several more times, but cillian ends up liking lou more which makes caroline jealous. and that's why they don't speak currently, 'cause cillian ruined lou's life in more ways than one.

uM holy fuck that’s all i got to say

pls tell me that Caro killed the dude that choked Lou (or beat his ass)

god i hope so !

how many people do you follow? are you “strict” with who you follow?

i follow 264 people and yeah i’ve gotten a bit stricter with it just cause like...i only want to follow people whose content i truly care about/will actually notice on my dash

would you ever do a sim dump?

probably in the future, it seems like people want more male and female sims from me SO

ramona got some moves tf

the girl is out here bobbing to the chicken dance like nobody’s business

have u seen the end of the fucking world? if u did what are your #thots

UM......................i watched the first episode ‘cause i heard so much about it and um.............................it was so bad OMFG i hated it. way too edgy for me. completely missed the mark. not into it at all. hard pass

CAN LOU PLEASE HAVE A MAN IN HER LIFE WHO IS NOT A COMPLETE TWAT PLEASE

HOPEFULLY ezra will follow through with that and i don’t necessarily mean in a romantic way but like...as her new roommate MAYBE he will be a blessing we can HOPE

I'm not sure if you've been asked this or not, but your poses are so good and I was wondering if you have ever considered making a pose pack? Sorry if this came off as rude! I love your posts!

i will probably in the future!! but first i gotta figure out which ones i’d actually include

okay so this is random but I just wanted to say that I absolutely love your sims stories. Everything is so perfect and I'm forever shook because I can't believe the "sets" you use are actually the game. Your sims are so fleshed out and you are a huge inspiration to me. Anyways sorry if this was weird but I'm like obsessed with ur blog. bYe

AJHSDHJFSD THANK YOU!!!!!!! yes somehow we work miracles into this game can u believe it...ahh but thank you so much, it means everything that i would inspire you in any way...like what...omg

Santi is actually standing outside present Lou’s apartment wondering where the fuck he went wrong

he’s been there for 6 months just on the street standing there please someone let him in .

LOUUUU OH MY GODDD SKKDSNSJDH MY BABY. SO THATS HOW SHE GOT THE SCAR. WOW

there it is fellas. this message is sooooo old i’m so bad

Have you read/heard of The Lunar Chronicles

i have not!! but i’ll jot it down!

I was wondering if you’ve ever had any problems with skins? For me some on the palm side of the hand it’s noticeably darker than what the skin is supposed to be.. like the rest comes out find but the hands are darker.

hmm...that’s weird, i haven’t seen that. i think it probably depends on the skin? or maybe your sim detail settings?

santi my daddy, honeybodies my mommy, lou looking like a cutie when she saw dat tiny puppy. my name is rappin anon, and i just wanted to say, ur are my favorite simblr basically saving my day. rappin anon OUT

o...my god

i love u

i love u...

[prevsapphism]

make chronically ill characters you tepid fools.

another Interesting thing i’ve noticed in my time on here in the rpc is that the rpc is mostly peopled by able-bodied characters. in my almost decade ( Lorge Yikes ) on this site, i’ve only seen two ( 2 ) Actually Disabled characters. in all of the hundreds of thousands that exist or have existed here. two. Count Them. Two. 

i’ve also noticed, in fic, when characters are disabled, they usually seem to have their disabilities ignored or erased ( fanon alana bloom, anyone? she was pushed Fairly Violently out of a window? and most fanworks of her have her Completely Upright And Fine as though the injury were very minor and not. You Know. Life-Threatening? ) or, we serve as Inspiration or a Sad Pitiful Comparison to make Shiny Ablebodied people look better. ( looking at you, fanon charles xavier. ) if i didn’t know any better, it would seem as though the rpc is doesn’t want to write disabled characters because they find us repulsive, cumbersome and generally gross and undesirable. 

but since so many of you don’t know what ableism is when it’s not right in front of you, i’m going to be nice, give you all the benefit of the doubt and show you how to write us better.

first of all, you, the presumably abled writer and / or character, need to heed these four ( 4 ) factors before i continue:

please remember your character is disabled. i can’t tell you how many times in fanwork that i’ve seen disability acknowledged once and never come up again, which is especially disrespectful to real live disabled people because we don’t get to forget. neither should you lmfao.

disabled characters are usually written with very little or no insight into the disability itself, which makes for a shit portrayal. this post should not be your only character building source for disability. as you should with every other foray into a subject you’re unfamiliar with, do ya research and do it thoroughly. i’m not saying look at medical textbooks five hours a day, but don’t just spend five minutes on webmd and then call it a night holy fuck.

if you have a Gasping Need to make your disabled character exist alongside an abled one and have them ( the abled character ) look better, do it, i suppose ( sarcasm, ) but think about where your decision for making them disabled comes from and why you want to do it.

don’t use person-first language. don’t use person-first language. don’t use person-first language. don’t use person-first language. don’t use person-first language. your character does not have a disability, ( ie they’re not a ‘person with ____,’ ) they are disabled. they are a disabled person. disabilities aren’t some Wicked Cool Limited Edition Skin you get in your Human Person Loot Box that you can take off whenever you want. they are very often integral parts of our identity and you demonstrate a very superficial knowledge of what disabilities actually are when you phrase them this way.

but queen morgaine, how am i going to make my disabled character good and compelling? fear not, reader-- here is a list of disability and chronic illness things you can and are encouraged to apply to your character to make them more realistic and nuanced!!!!!

able-bodied people can and are encouraged to reblog, other disabled people are enthusiastically encouraged to add on. 

sleep. sleep is a very loaded subject in disability. a lot of us, like those with fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue, sleep a lot. being incapacitated by your own Flesh Enclosure all the time saps so much of your energy you Would Not Believe. we also very often do not feel Refreshed or Energised when we wake up because of our pre-existing conditions. we sometimes take naps in an attempt to assuage our fatigue, but they’re usually hit or miss-- i like to say that We Do Not Take Naps, Naps Take Us. on the other end of the scale, a lot of us don’t sleep at all or sleep very little because our disabilities keep us from falling asleep for long stretches, whether it be from being in pain, being sick, or being Overall Uncomfortable. here’s how this could look in your disabled character:

cancelling plans to take a nap or lie down.

leaving plans early to take a nap or lie down.

erratic fatigue-- not being tired when they should be ( ie in the middle of the night ) but being overwhelmingly tired the next day. 

like i said, not feeling refreshed, or even more tired when they wake up.

feeling pain in their sleep.

sleeping an entire day or very long stretches.

being kept awake for long stretches by their illness. 

physical aids. this isn’t a given for every disabled person, but i’m putting it here because characters that are disabled don’t often have them in fiction. for openers, they should absolutely be portrayed in a positive, or at the very least neutral light. most of us irl are happy to make our lives easier as much as we can, so it doesn’t make much sense to have them suck in fiction. ( except for . You Know. Ableism, but like i said. benefit of the doubt. ) a physical aid can be as simple as a fidget toy that keeps us grounded in our brainfog or something as complex and noticeable as a service dog or a wheelchair. here are some ideas:

Ever-Present water bottles and especially electrolyte drinks like gatorade, vitamin water and my Personal Favourite, sobe lifewater ( not sponsored. ) very useful for those of us with vitamin imbalances, or those of us with pots or vertigo that makes getting dehydrated very easy and very unpleasant.

also taking supplements in or with our food for these deficiencies. 

canes!!!! canes!!!!! canes!!!! canes!!!!! especially on younger people!!!!! people under 40 use canes!!!!! give us cool canes!!!! give us canes that match what we’re wearing!!!! give us canes that fold up to fit in our bags that we carry round all the time!!!!! give us canes!!!!!

service dogs!!!!!

crutches!!!!!

meds we carry round all the time!!!!! i know very few chronically ill people that don’t take meds throughout the day or at least once!!!!!

also, if your character uses mobility / household aides or prostheses etc they'll need maintenance or replacing at some point! maybe even multiple points!

variability. chronic illness is an extremely mutable subject. this means a few things-- one, our range of ability, whether it be mental effort, physical limits or otherwise differs from day to day. sometimes even from hour to hour. two, our ‘okay’ or ‘personal best / Weekly High Score’ may not match up with your ( able-bodied ) ‘okay.’ your ‘did okay today’ may mean ‘went to class, did homework and tidied desk,’ but our ‘did okay today’ may mean ‘changed our clothes and / or took a shower’ or ‘ate [ a decent ] lunch.’ and that was The Most we accomplished all day. chronic illness saps all your energy and your motivation. this is especially important if your character is mentally ill as well. this also means that some of us can go out dancing one night when we were bedridden the day before, but going down a long flight of stairs the next day or earlier that day can be too much. anyway here’s how this can look:

like i said, getting excited about or talking about their Little Victories to other people-- how they ate breakfast, washed their clothes or hair, looked after their pet, and that was it. ( please congratulate us / them for these, by the way. it means a lot. )

being able to do one thing but not another, like being able to clean a set of dishes or walk a dog, but not being able to walk four blocks or clean a bathroom.

conversely, being fine earlier, but not being all right now-- like being pretty okay with walking four blocks, but feeling terrible an hour, or even ten minutes, after and being in too much pain to walk. 

getting too hot and needing to go somewhere to cool down, or being really cold and needing a sweater within a very short time period.

being nauseous from not eating or drinking but being too nauseous to eat or drink.

new symptoms or issues popping up out of nowhere or periodically-- ‘oh shit, my hips are aching again. what have i done now.’ ‘great now i have headaches for some g-dforsaken reason. are you kidding i only get those when its cold.’ ‘uGh why the fuck am i shaking all over? i thought i stopped doing that!!!’ 

appearance. many of us have the energy to keep up with a personal style or Aesthetic. some of us don’t. this is kind of self explanatory, but here’s how it could look in your character: 

wearing the Lowest Effort outfit-- a shirt, some leggings and a sweater.

wearing a Really Nice Outfit, but having their range of mobility for the day compromised due to having to set aside some energy to look nice.

not combing or brushing their hair.

messy living spaces. we don’t have the energy to be tidy all the time. we barely have the energy to get out of bed most of the time. your character should probably follow suit.

The Medical Debacle. doctors can often do chronically ill people more harm than good. a lot of us are treated as Medical Mysteries™ due to having rare illnesses or having symptoms that don’t make sense, whether it be because they conflict with other symptoms we have-- for example, it took, and is taking, ages for me to get a proper fibro diagnosis because i’m chronically anaemic and have a fluctuating but pervasive eating disorder as well, so it’s very hard for medical professionals to distinguish which illness is causing what. Or Something. also, a lot of our insurance companies may not cover certain procedures or meds, which we often learn by surprise when we go to get checked out or treated. doctors can deliberate on giving us a diagnosis when everything we’ve told them we have matches up with that illness because it doesn’t ~fit us~ or some bs as well. they will also suggest or prescribe things that we’ve already tried and don’t work ( i can’t tell you how many of my hypermobile friends have been told to try yoga. ) sometimes we have to Actively Battle for certain types of treatment or for a certain diagnosis. here are some more examples for characterisation. 

health scares that end your character up in the hospital.

multiple urgent care, doctor or hospital visits.

having to fight for or argue with a doctor for a diagnosis.

The Hospital Smell. You Know The One. we have nightmares about this smell.

ambient Hospital Noise in a setting. 

The Debt They’ll Rack Up for being in and out of the Medical Circut all the fuckening time if they don’t have good insurance. sometimes even if they do. Chronic Illness Is Magic. 

your character’s meds getting switched round a lot while the doctors try to figure out what they have and their reaction to those meds.

getting annoyed with ( a ) doctor( s ) for not diagnosing them with something they know they have or not prescribing them a treatment they know they need.

your character getting an mri or some other screening / evaluation and getting a wrong diagnosis that’s much worse than or not enough for what they actually have.

your character not having a diagnosis at all or having their symptoms overlooked and being frustrated about it.

some nice touches you should also include in your characterisation:

please consider making your character the protagonist of their story. so often we are sidelined and eclipsed by abled characters, so it would be very much appreciated if we got to drive the narrative for once.

a lot of us are mentally ill as well-- i can’t think of a single one of my physically ill friends who isn’t neurodivergent too. please consider making your physically ill character mentally ill, or even autistic, in combination to their physical illness. a lot of us are also self-deprecating to cope with all that we go through every day, so a few jibes at themself every once in awhile is good to include in your character too.

disabled people date and fall in love. aro rep is well and good or whateva, but ( head )canoning a disabled character as aro is not at all revolutionary in any respect and it contributes to the Undesirable Cumbersome stereotype you want to stay away from.

Disabled People Have Sex. we often have to have sex Around our disabilities, ie circumvent them before, during and after sex, But We Have Sex. ace rep is well and good or whateva, but making a disabled character ace is not revolutionary and again, makes us look incapable of being worthy of sexual desire, as well as having pretty Nasty Implications overall. disabled. people. have. sex. i encourage you to make your disabled characters have sex.

don’t make your supernatural monster character disabled unless you make your monster’s disability and their Monsterhood mutually exclusive, and better yet don’t do it unless you have a good disabled character too. it reinforces the stigma that disabled people are to be ostracised and othered for something we can’t help. your monster is not a monster because they’re disabled, your monster is a monster because they eat people or whatever the fuck.

Anyway Thats It Bye send me an ask here or over at @trustawitch if you have any questions and @ me or send me an ask here or trustawitch if you end up making a disabled character! i’d love to see them!! xoxo

[tamiddyinyourcity]

8:14am.

My brain repeats the phrase "Ion know if the pussy wet or if its bleedin n shit" from Nicki Minaj in Barbie Dreams whenever I have this shit starting.

Tuesday, May 5th of 2020.

I had a dream about having a panic attack trying to order food in a chinese buffet again. (Its not corona related, its just me being unable to choose out of things with too many options and too little options. They ask me what I want before I've even seen the menu or trays, its upsetting.)

But damn, I sure miss it. I really miss it.

Here's a song from my teenage years that I loved to listen to. (Its sped up, for some reason. And doesn't have Dej Loaf, so, this is the wack version.)

And an uplifting song.

I also had a dream where You're Dead to Me by Kali Uchis was playing hauntingly in the background. I can't even remember the dream, but, the annoying loom of heartbreak and overall memories had been getting on my nerves.

God, symbolism of me being haunted by the breakups with my ex. Wonderful, truly. (She says, really trying to avoid gritting her teeth, so hard she'd crack several.)

Feeling a bit odd, you know?

Or well, some feelings for him were still valid. I did like what we had.

But I still wonder how much of it was just a lie.

Seemed like a lot of his feelings for me were? Hard to say. One second, he'd be saying he didn't have strong feelings for me, but didn't know why. Then a few days later, surprises me with my favorite candy and flowers just to make me feel happy before a road trip.

Or him refusing to get back together after our first breakup went down, just to..... Creep on this page, to read all about how my date with Patrick #1 had went. (And weird, how me pausing writing, just for the OFFCHANCE of that guy creeping on me, and having to put a disclaimer for sex..... just, ugh, man..... That's weird and he knew it.)

At least I had the subconscious decency to know, "I'd rather Patrick #2 not read about how my ex boyfriend's dick was rubbing against my pussy lips or his face in my chest". (Ironically, nothing had happened past that. Since to an extent, I did end up liking #2 more than #1. Probably since #1 had less abs and was yet again hiding how me cutting him out of my life for a few months had hurt him emotionally. So yeah, when the hot ex is being weird, and you can lay next to a man you used to feel the closest emotion of "love" for, and still think about the way your most recent ex boyfriend used to smile at you in bed..... youve got it bad.)

Oh gross, I'm tearing up writing this. I really did like that guy.

But, not like I'm gonna pull an Usher and start dancing in the rain shirtless over it.

Because it's sunny, lmfao.

Anyways.

But hey, things were still given another chance. And what sucked the most was that it went well, really well.

Untiiiiiiil the freaking party.

I wasn't even gonna touch the conversation of his birthday with a ten foot pole, due to the whole "I called one of his good friends a shady bitch and told her to focus on shading her artwork than shading me", (which is true, her shit was lineart and the paint bucket tool fam.....)

But, it ended up in conversation. I would've just hung out with him in the morning or something before the party, or potentially helped set up.

But nope, he invited me. Despite 10 million (or ten) "are you sure its a good idea and not too soon"s, he said yes.

I even gave him the option to change his mind, as long as it was told to me a day or two before the event.

He was fine!

Theeeen oh look, morning of. He pussies out. Big time.

Jesus christ, I can no longer date or see any semblance of good in a coward man. That's just too pathetic and annoying at that damn point. Plus the LIES, man, anything to make him not seem like the person in a bad light! Shift it onto me, shift it onto Azalea, or Chris, or anybody! God, fuck you prick. I still 190% see why he never had anything good going on for him in life.

A 20 year old virgin with so little experience with girls or social interactions, thats embarrassing as hell. 90% of the shit that happened with him would only happen with other male virgins with 0% experience with anybody in life, or someone completely narcissistic or straight up braindead for any of that to happen.

He applies to all three, truly.

.....

Why do the pretty ones have to be so ridiculous? Ugh. I really dislike liking people. Especially romantically. They never know what to do.

Eugh.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh.

Gah.

Ugh.

Yuck.

Gross.

.......

8:48am.

But looking back, he had none of the real qualities I'd adored in a boyfriend.

I think it was convenience? Not even to seem like a dick. I straight up almost **** my ****** after me and Patrick #1 had broken up. And when the closest option to feeling like someone else genuinely cares about my presence and what I do with my life is with the next scrawny boy I meet online, then, it happens.

We did mesh pretty well, though.

But, not nearly enough on the level I had with another person.

Once I eventually went, "He's an entirely different person, don't bother trying to make him into something he's not, or expecting him to act like your other ex", (not like i ever truly did, or wanted him to,) then, things went easier.

I'm still unsure of if he ever actually liked me though, honestly.

He made that so hard to understand.

Always hard.

.......

I wanna be kissed, not gonna lie. Not by him. Maybe by the person he was before he showed all his true colors, and assholery.

I missed being loved, not gonna lie.

Not by him.

But just felt like it was.

Not very fun, knowing you're the one who cares more than the other person in any given situation.

But as I've said before: I can always say I was the one that tried.

In every single situation.

The one that was saying "no" to every resolution is now the man who is no longer in the picture.

Since he's a fat floppy pussy.

(I would refer to how he came from one, but his mother is really nice, so I'd rather just acknowledge she raised a cowardly narcissistic son who deserves to be castrated someday, instead of insulting her. She's a nice woman, very friendly! I appreciated meeting her in this current lifetime and whatnot.)

9:16am.

But I still have had better in my lifetime.

So much better.

That's always gonna be possible for me, fam.

Best believe it.

Alright, back to researching how to make my hair smell like Froot Loops. Peace out, my fams.

[i-amusemyself]

.!.ALL RAINY DAY AESTHETICS.!.

Ahhh its my fave anon!!!! Thankies!!

the outdoors

overcast: do you think you’re an overachiever? what do you your friends think?

Tbh I can’t deny it. At academia at least, I defo do better than the average. It’s nbd though.clouds: is there anything someone has ever said to instantly make you sad?

Oh boy so many fucking things where to even start. Every comment ever that just confirms what my anxiety and self hatred says to me. Also people saying things that show you they obviously don’t trust you or whatever. It’s hard to explain some of them tbh. But yeah, it happens a lot where even just a single word can make my heart sink.gray skies: what calms you down?

Okay I have some very unhealthy coping mechanisms and they do. But also talking to my friends, scrolling mindlessly through tumblr and listening to music too.thunderstorm: how do you prefer to resolve tension in your life?

Get that shit out in the open bc lifes too short. I’d rather have to start the uncomfortable conversation and just get it over with than just live with a fuckton of tension.wind chill: what makes you feel cold inside?

I mean, the weather! Besides that idk, I’m not really sure how to interpret this? If it means like, emotionless and even indifferent to the pain of others, then I’d say thinking too much about the shit the human race does and the general injustice of life.

droplets: to you, is physical closeness more or less important than frequent communication?

I mean, I crave physical closeness but to me frequent communication usually keeps my anxiety at bay and makes me really happy in general tbh, so I’d say that’s more important to me.

puddle: what is your emotional outlet? why?

My personal blog. It’s literal life saver some days since I can say everything I want and not feel bad for dumping it on anyone.

morning fog: do you prefer waking up early or sleeping in? I prefer the longer days that come with waking up early but as someone that can’t remember the last time they had 8 hours sleep, I’d say I prefer sleeping in!

drizzle: what is something you would like to know more about / explore?

Omg everything!!!!! I just love information lmao. I’m particularly interested in diseases and psychology and conspiracy theories but seriously I love to hear what everything has to say about anything

the indoors

fairy lights: what makes your eyes light up?

Just little things like messages from friends or even just getting tagged in shitty memes lmao. I just like it when people remember I exist. Anything bigger than that is a bonus.

coffee shop: where is your favorite place to be?

I don’t know anymore. I honestly don’t. I had a favourite place near home, but it was out of a list of very limited places. There’s not really any place I can go and feel at peace or anything anymore. I mean, there are places I’ve visited that I want to go back to, like brugge or amsterdam, but idk its not the same.

windowpane: what music do you listen to the most?

It varies so much depending on my mood from chill indie or alternative stuff to cheesy pop to what is essentially people just screaming.teabag: do you prefer tea or coffee? how do you take it?

I can’t remember it’s been so long since I had either lmaocandlelight: what is your favorite scent? why?

Petrol and car fumes lmfao. It’s just a smell I grew up with tbh bc I spent so much time at car shows and race tracks etc.

throw pillows: what is your favorite type of relationship? do you have one like that?

Hoo boi, the kind I don’t have lmfao go figure

cozy: have you ever been in love? describe the feeling.

I haven’t honestly even dated much, but I do love so deeply I surprise myself so who knows lmao. Wouldn’t say I know the feeling well enough to describe it though.

bustle: do you enjoy being busy? why or why not?

If I’m busy doing things I love with no deadlines then sure, I’m a big fan. But if I’m busy out of necessity I really hate it and get low key stressed.

succulents: do you like taking care or things, people, and animals? which one do you enjoy the most/least? why?

Sure! It can be rewarding and I’m almost always happy to do it! Though I mean I don’t know, I find animals easier to take care of, I never really know what to do with people. But I don’t prefer one or the other, theyre just different.

chatter: what are your favorite things to talk about? with whom? why?

I love to talk about deep shit tbh, miss me with that small talk. Tell me about your life and your childhood and your dreams and space and life and death. I love that shit.

your body

baggy sweater: what keeps you warm? 

Absolutely nothing lmao

daze: do you meditate? why or why not?

Nope, I haven’t got time for any of that

damp: do you cry often? what makes you cry?

I low key tear up at tv shows and films all the time lmao, but actually crying doesn’t happen much. Sometimes I feel like I need to but I’ve forgotten how to.

umbrella: what makes you feel safe?

Knowing I could kick the shit out of someone if they tried anything lmfaoooo! Nah idk tbh, I rarely feel very safe I’m just used to it now.

gleam: what makes you feel the best about yourself?

The only thing I have that I ever do right is doing well academically so ig that

yawn: who takes care of you when you’re sick? who do you take care of when they’re sick? 

I take care of myself lmao I aint gonna go complaining. Though a few of my close friends are very good to me when my depression acts up. And I’ll take care of anyone that asks for or I can see needs help.

hum: besides music, what is your favorite sound?

I love thunderstorms so much!!! Also the lil pap pap pap when a pet is coming to greet you.

brush: do you enjoy having your hair played with? what about massages?

Hell yes and hell yes.

fuzzy socks: do you prefer warm or cold weather? why?

Warm weather by a mile!! I’m not built for the cold and I probably won’t feel warm enough again till May.

gloves: do you like working with your hands? why/how?

Yeah defo, I’m that one annoying person who always has to be fiddling with something (that sounds so wrong lmao). Idk why, I just,,, I like to do it, it helps me concentrate and I like building up a picture of things without even looking at them

[stillsolo]

Since they met in the Exodus verse, I'm gonna keep it that way and keep them in the Exodus verse only ( except one. kinda. )  this isnt proofread, sorry!   .... say hello to 2k worth of headcanons involving HanDra. AleHan? idk.  @blackheartcd

Who cooks: Normally, the servants will tend to most of their needs. If they're on their own, Han does most, if not all the cooking. Alaedra is incredibly lazy and would much rather do anything else than cook.  Han is certain that she knows how, but he's yet to figure out why.  Therefore, when they travel or take time away from the public eyes, he bugs the absolute shit out of her to make her cook for him.  Quite honestly, if they take a vacation that involves leaving Corellia, it wouldn't be surprising if he acted sickly just to make her cook something for him.  Especially, while aboard The 'Falcon.   Who does the laundry and other chores: Once again, the castle servants will tend to their everyday needs.  In a modern verse, Han's maturity will have failed to ripen even in his later years.  He'll probably be upset at her and pick a fight about her bras and underwear having taken a section of his apartment bathroom.  Since they probably won't live together until Han's maturity has had a chance to make up for its stunted growth, she'll just go buy more for when she stays over, and augment the pile evermore.  rip Han's bathroom How many children do they have: ...  Han won't want any children anytime soon.  Maybe not in his lifetime.  I wouldn't be shocked if he tried changing the law over the heirs of Corellia.  He doesn't believe that blue-bloods should always take the throne.  If he can't, it's very likely that one of Astri's children will take the throne one day.  On the other hand, if he does have a child, it'll likely be unplanned.  Planned is hard to imagine.  If it's a planned expectancy, Han will have to have married them for some time, trust them completely, and not to mention; love them.  Any of those within that trifecta is achievable, but you need all three to have him to give you a baby lmfao Who’s more dominate:  Uhhh.  They both are.  From what I've come to read, they find an equilibrium because of their headstrong personalities? It counterbalances a rapidly fluctuating weight on an ever teetering scale, governed by chance in full measure.  Both of them are nobles, which means they're constantly in danger.  They have little chance to put their guard down, if not ever.  Due to the loss both Han and Alaedra faced early on, they've become iron-willed and fiercely protective of who they love, as well as themselves.   However, due to how he’s been subjected to conceptions of a profound self-preservation and inability to yield since his wild youth, Han will find a way to dominate her, but only if he needs to.  I'd like to think of when it comes to her safety?  In critical moments.  Whether by way of words or actions; Han won't fail in finding a way to control the situation.   Favorite nonsexual activity: Ellie had read my heart I mean mind when she wrote her version of this ship meme!  I have a huge headcanon that Han actually misses Corellia a lot in his canon verse.  He'll hum traditional songs or lullabies.  He may actually have a traditional drum or flute stowed away on The 'Falcon.  Once again, due to his nature, he'll probably never be the first one to mention his love for it.  Alaedra would've noticed the habits in some way or another.  When Corellia hosts their grand balls, Han would much rather sit and listen and enjoy chatting with her and friends. In relation to that, when he gets comfortable around her, he'll want to share his favorite songs and teach her how to sing them.  In turn, Alaedra would want him to learn the songs she favors.   If not music, then studying.  Han works through stress by building and repairing things.  When something breaks down in the Castle, they call for the prince, not the mechanic.  Unless he's absolutely busy, he'll happily bolt from his duties for a little time with a hydro-spanner or plasma torch.  Since he's always worked repairs on starships, he's not familiar with repairing—lets just say, a foodsynth.  Therefore, he reads manuals and enjoys her company that way. ( she might be sewing or knitting? It's hard to say.  Depends on her mood, I think.  She would probably find bugging him to death by touching his datapad and clicking all the wrong buttons, just as entertaining ).   Although it would be incredibly embarrassing for him, he might offer to teach her the old language of his people, a language he prefers speaking over Modern Corellian.  Galactic Basic is the standard, and Modern Corellian is the standard on Corellia, but the people of Kor Vella, and a few other cities, still speak Olys Corellisi.   Their favorite place to be together: If we’re talking about remaining on planet—it all depends on the season.  Kor Vella is north of Tyrena, one of Corellia’s oceans.  There’s a river southwest of the kingdom that channels into Tyrena; he would take her swimming or fishing there often.  Han enjoys wildlife as much as he can.  He can’t remember much about growing up in Corellia, considering he left home in his teens.  His past space faring life robbed him of the chance to fully enjoy it with a mind of an adult.   There, Han enjoys teaching Aleadra how to gut fish, tell the difference between poisonous Corellian coral or saltwater mussels in hiding, gifting her organic pearls, collecting rare shells, and lying with her on the sandy shores.   ( Honestly, never isn’t sure if that’s her favorite place.  But knowing her, she  won’t say yes if she doesn’t want to go somewhere ).  Any traditions: ( can't really do this one yet.  Gotta have more interaction tbh ).   Their “song”:  :T …..  I would have lots to say about this if I knew very many songs of their planets.   What they do for each other on holidays: Omfg.  Holidays are the busiest times of Corellia.  It depends on if it’s galaxy-wide Holiday or just a Corellian holiday.  Because Han  l o v e s  the Independence festivals for Corellia.  I’ve talked about this a couple of times before.  Corellians will dedicate a week to celebrating their freedom from enslavement.  The week-long celebration is held throughout all the major cities, and the capital, Coronet, is the most ostentatious about it.  While the planet harbors fame for their invention of the first, fully functional hyperdrive, Corellia is also well-known for their distilleries and unique brandies.  Namely, their startling capability of holding their liquor.     So, they drink.         A LOT.       Moreover, for fREE.     The cities will be brilliantly lit with neon lights of all colors. Parades will march down the streets playing traditional songs as well as modern synth music, just depends on the city.  The people dress in little clothing.  What clothing they bother with are flashy, colorful garbs with face paint and lip paint to represent the gods and goddesses of Corellia who, the natives believe, had given them the strength and confidence to make a stand against their enemies who’d enslaved them.   Depending on whether or not Han as a partner judges whether or not he participates in the more … eccentric traditions.  Alaedra would adoRE what Kor Vella does.  The nobles, servants, and citizens leave the city and camp out in the plains that surround the kingdom.  For a week, they live the simple life and follow the traditions their ancestors established.  They don’t eat synthetic foods, they don’t use lumen / artificial lighting, they don’t take any droids with them — they live exactly as their ancestors once did.  On the first night, they light a huge bonfire and keep it lit for seven days and seven nights, ( along with many other fires, of course ).  They will dance, they’ll sing and they’ll get drunk as absolute fuck.  Corellians are a shameless and open people.  I wouldn’t be surprised if they had orgies.  They probably do. Where did they go for their honeymoon:  I have no capacity to answer this.  Han is rather...terrified of marriage and all the commitments it comes with.   Where did they first meet: I really liked Ellie’s idea; a ball. However, we’ve already established a first-encounter for Han.  They met for political matters, a treaty for the unification of their planets.   Any pets: Astri likes cats, and it doesn’t help that the castle often has scavenger rats making their homes there.  If you ambled into the great hall, don’t be surprised to see several Spukamas lounging on the furniture and walking about.  However, the deeper you go, the less Spukamas you’ll find.  Within the bowels of the castle, closing in on the ‘Solar’ ( the king’s chambers.  Called 'solar' since it’s constructed high in the great tower of the keep, with windows to let the sunlight in ), Gurrcats and Razorhounds roam free.   ( Spukamas are like house cats.  Gurrcats were once a wild carnivorous creature native to the planet Corellia.  They swanned the Corellian plains in packs.  If one of their group members were injured, the whole pack would savagely defend it. The Corellian slice hound, also known as the Razorhound, is a canine creature with sharp teeth and a spine-covered body.  They are sometimes domesticated as pets and appeared rather intelligent.  ) They often found a way past the walls of the kingdom, frightening the people.  It was worse when they fought one another.  In effect, Corellians domesticated several species to help perform certain tasks.   Both species and their fierce sense of protective instinct and loyalty drew the attention of their Corellian ancestors.  Their large and intimidating size was merely a bonus to them.  Han favors the Razorhounds above everything else.  He likes how they don’t shed all over his damn floors.   Every hound and cat are aware of who their real master is, even if Han isn’t the one to train them.  If the castle is ever seized while the royal family is present, the pack will split into groups to find each member immediately.  Han isn’t sure how Alaedra feels about the animals, but he hadn’t  had much hesitation when he instructed them to follow her from then on, saying that she was now part of his family.  Han hasn’t told Alaedra he’s done so, he doesn’t like stopping to think why.  He just wants her safe in this time of war.   What do they fight over: … A lot. ….  Just a lot.   They’re not an unhealthy couple, don’t get me wrong.  But they have a lot of different points of views on how to handle things as a leader.  Not only that, but their inability to take another’s culture into consideration because of their own, also holds a substantial weight as to why they struggle.   Do they go on vacations, if so where: sadlkfjklsadjfk This is really, really hard when they've never taken a vacation together LOL.  They need to, I’m sure.  Han needs it omfg.  If it's his first vacation with her and he finally has time to spare off-planet, Han will want to go to her home planet and see what's all the hubbub is about.  He's very, very curious about the place she grew up in and her family.   Han's sense of adventure hasn’t diminished in the slightest.  In fact, it's probably close to bursting.  Just thinking about seeing something new, or getting to go somewhere new, kick starts his adrenaline and makes him want to punch in the nav cords himself.  

kill me

[necromilk]

Oc hard mode, ulric - multiples of 3, xena - multiples of 4, modern urban fantasy hot snake hair dude - multiples of 2

SO MUCH!!!!

Ulric

What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

hah if by father you mean the man who raised him, he was p much ignored save for the attention he would get when he dad could make money betting on him. as for his bio dad-the guy died before ulric was even born

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

a lot of stuff with self harm, drowning, his mother…

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

hmmm, when hes older and married, yes its a lot better than when he was younger/couch surfing when older

In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

sleeping in the same bed with someone, doesnt even need to be sex, just having other person there with him is grounding

Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?

not at all with either, he didn’t really grow up with much so there wasn’t much to want or form attachments to as far as material things, and money isnt really something he ever concerns over

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

as somewhat of an ambitious person, he does admire wisdom as an extension of intelligence

If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

he usually tends to blame himself, cuz he knows hes a huge fuckup

How quick is your character to trust someone else?

he is literally a dog and will trust anyone first unless they prove they are untrustworthy

How does your character normally deal with confrontation?

will immediately apologize for whatever he did cuz he knows he likely did some shit

What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

lmfao his face

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

when it comes to skills or practices, hes more willing to improve, but when it comes to his personal appearance, he gets self deprecating

How does your character behave around people they dislike?

ulric really tries to like everyone, he does, but there are some things he can’t agree with and he will still be civil and kind but will try to avoid them if he can

Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?

lmfao B)

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

his future husband’s father, yes

What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

death is terrifying to him, so he always tries to live as much as he can–but he was never religious so he doesn’t think there is anything afterwards

Xena

Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

maybe not witnessed but he was bullied alot growing up and it did make him a lot meeker, and his moms both knew he was being harassed and did try to help all they could

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

is very much a pacifist and wouldn’t touch a gun if he didn’t have to

In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

probably when he is at home with his moms, spending time with them, baking or watching movies

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

to xena, happiness is life’s ultimate success

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

he doesn’t compare himself to others so much, he knows everyone is different but he can admire others for qualities he doesn’t have

How quick is your character to trust someone else?

is a bit more hesitant to trust someone, but can with a build up over time, but tends to trust fem-identified people more than the other side of the gender spectrum

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

literally not at all and would have a hard time fighting back if it ever did get physical

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.

in any situation when hes in a place completely male populated

How does your character behave around people they dislike?

avoids them, a lot shyer or quiet if he has to converse w them

How does your character treat people in service jobs?

he is always polite but tries so hard to not be the awful customer usually

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

super hard and p much never does it ever, the only people he has ever said I love you to are his moms

Cobra King (aka hot snake man)

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

he is one of a lot of siblings, so his mother has only so much time to give each of her children, but she was his mother and he respected her as that authority in his life

Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

when he was younger, no surprise that he probably witnessed someone he knew dying at the hands of a human, growing up learning to avoid them bc they were dangerous, seeing that only cemented those ideals

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

he doesn’t really dream much, but if he does its often dreaming of his childhood, when things were simpler

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

ofc, he is a cop but likely worked with guns before he became a cop, so it was likely someone he had a disagreement with and it escalated, but no one was hurt, likely just fired the gun to intimidate

Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

he feels like he can blend in better with more clothes on, but prefers to wear less otherwise it starts to bother his skin after so long

In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

probably just sleeping at home, bundled in blankets to keep warm

Does your character remember names or faces easier?

hes pretty good with names, since he always wears sunglasses, it makes the face thing a little more of a challenge

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

he believes success is the best way to happiness

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

more so ambition because it’s not really a trait he sees around much anymore

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

he doens’t compare himself to others, but if he does, its always to improve himself

What does your character like in other people?

he likes people who are firm in their beliefs, but can still admit when they’re wrong and keeping an open mind

How quick is your character to trust someone else?

he really has to know you and been through some shit to say that, its a pretty big deal to him

How does your character behave around children?

isn’t the most socially apt at dealing with kids, but obviously isn’t gonna be a dick

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

he tends to think more than act, so he would only resort to violence if it was necessary or in self-defense

What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

lmao generally all mankind

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.

stuck in some confined space with a human

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

if something doesn’t work the first time, there isn’t much sense in trying it again

How does your character behave around people they dislike?

is v much able to vocalize his dislike and has no shame in that and will not apologize for his opinions

Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

depends on the situation, if its something universally threatening, he would remove it, but if it were more so a personal problem, he would just remove himself

How does your character treat people in service jobs?

he is technically in a service job, but it really depends on how people treat him first

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

hes had mentors over his many years of living that have helped better discover himself

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

its something he has never actually said before? maybe once to his mother, but king is the most affectionate or openly emotional person

[terramythos]

Thoughts/reactions master post for October Daye #13 “The Unkindest Tide” or "major deja vu" 

Excellent Start: it fuckin opens with The Luidaeg showing up and dumping a bunch of lore

-There are some things to unpack here after thinking on it. The Roane predicted that Toby would bring them back. We knew already that they were seers and could predict the future. But this implies they did not predict their savior being Toby SPECIFICALLY, just someone from Amandine's line.

This is interesting for a couple reasons. First, it's a solid explanation for why The Luidaeg, the oldest and one of (if not the) most powerful Firstborn took interest in Toby, who's a changeling and thus beneath the notice of most of Faerie. On a related note, it's also an explanation on why Amandine was so keen on turning Toby into a human. The character who prevented this happening was, no surprise, The Luidaeg.

But while it appears Toby will indeed fulfill this prophecy, it's been implied if not outright stated that Amandine's line is also prophesied (probably by the Roane) to bring back Oberon. This is a wild guess, but I feel it makes more narrative sense and would be an interesting twist if we set Toby up to fulfill that prophecy, only to ultimately have August (or both of them as a team) do it. I'm pretty sure August is redeemable, unlike Amandine, and her character arc so far is based on trying to bring Oberon back and FAILING, so...

-I could be reading too much into this, but hey. I do think I should go back and read (1) The Luidaeg's short story where she confronts Amandine and (2) the scenes in book 5 where Toby talks to one of the few surviving Roane. Said Roane predicts Connor's death, but she says so much cryptic shit there may be something else hidden there relating to this.

...OH. OK. You know that makes a lot more sense. All the setup for this (which has been going on since book 5 lmfao) pointed to The Luidaeg being morally questionable and possibly evil in this one but like, this is way more in line with her character lmfao

Though I guess theres plenty that's morally questionable about forcing an entire race of people to turn into another one whether they like it or not

-Side note: The Luidaeg and Quentin's friendship remains adorable

-Gillian's magical signature is officially fennel and primroses.

-OK but like, we have to approach the fact that Gillain's skin is still basically sentient in some way? Like Firtha's consciousness is a big part of the short story. And can glean from that that the others probably have something to them. So uh, what happens to the souls (if you can call them that) when we fuse the skins to the Selkies?

New Firstborn?? New Firstborn! New Firstborn.

-ok so like correct me if I'm wrong but practically every Firstborn we met has been female. I think the only dude we've met is Blind Michael, who was a basket of crazy and Decisively Killed Off in book 3. Otherwise we've got The Luidaeg, Evening, Amandine, Acacia, and now Captain Pete.

The Luidaeg is such a fascinating character. One of my favorites from literally anything. This scene really exemplifies why I think. Seemingly cruel yet compassionate, coping with horrific tragedy, yet also a supernatural and terrifying monster. SORT OF. it’s complicated

-There's a scene after this where she verbally takes down an adult man, then is so kind and patient to a child who approaches her. And that contrast really hits. She has been consistently kind and protective of children through the whole series. It makes it more brutal when she says she doesnt even like them much because she misses having her own, and you know she can't lie. She's kind to kids because it is the right thing to so.

-Shit goes down in a bad way (seemingly unrelated to the main premise?). Like Dianda gets kidnapped by her evil brother whom we have not met before

SIMON TORQUILL REDEMPTION ARC IN THE FUTURE...... 2!

-Not to be rude October but like, werent you already planning to rescue Simon ANYWAY. That one's basically the freebie of those 3 favors you just promised

-ok I'm writing this part WAY LATER cause my dumb ass forgot that Simon returning is CONTINGENT upon bringing Oberon back and now this line makes way more sense. 

-little lore tidbit on why it's so easy to transform October and not the other characters... its the whole Tam Lin thing we figured out last book. Guess that should have been obvious

Not to be het rights on main but oh my god. Oh my fucking shit oh my god. (Its not really het rights cause tybalt is bi but oh my god holy shit)

-I am laughing at the fact this is a tense moment with lives on the line and an obvious time limit and Toby and Tybalt just go "time to make out a little in front of everyone"

-Lmao right after I typed that the Luidaeg basically said the same thing

-lmaoo she fuckin slices Tybalt's finger for his part of the spell then just does a tiny pinprick for Quentin because she likes him more 

-random interlude in the Undersea where toby rescues Peter

Ok Quentin's reaction here is funny

This scene's got a little bit of everything

Explanation on why Gillian can talk to her skin, since it's a "lost" one and hasn't been worn much. Also sort of an explanation for the Luidaeg calling the skins by name.

-anyway it's pretty obvious that Dianda's brother is the one behind Isla's murder, right? Like, why else introduce him at this point

-"maybe sending The Luidaeg to find Pete has been the wrong call" I'm starting to feel that way to be honest

-Yeah Torin being responsible is confirmed. There’s a scene where Toby gets badly injured and it’s borderline torture porn, which seems to happen once a book now. There is a cute somewhat angsty scene with her and Tybalt, which is always fun.

-There's some fun bits when they take down Torin but nothing particularly noteworthy. The interactions with Pete and The Luidaeg are fun when both return to the scene. I'm trying real hard to like Gillian but she's been pretty ineffectual this book, and every time she shows up it seems to be whining about Toby, which is a shame.

Luidaeg feels and The Moral, which is pretty good! Found family is a reliable weak point of mine.

-They do find an alternate solution (splitting the “dead” skins), and everyone who wants a Selkie skin gets it. They also let some of them stay Selkies for a few more years, but most get turned into Roane. And happy Luidaeg! 

-Though the whole “Gillian has a sentient selkie skin” is not addressed again and she’s the first one who gets turned. did Firtha/her ghost just get annihilated from existence? i don’t know man 

-Overall I'm pretty lukewarm over this entry. Like Once Broken Faith, it feels like a book made to Address a Big Lore Change but doesn’t have a solid conflict to support it. Torin is some one-off Merrow dude i’m pretty sure is never mentioned until he suddenly shows up and is the bad guy here, and the whole kidnapping Dianda and long interlude in the middle where they go to the Undersea to rescue Peter seems just... really random, considering the setting (Duchy of Ships) and the Selkies are supposed to be the center of the story.  

Nothing wrong with one-off villains, but ones like Blind Michael and Rhys were way more memorable/interesting than Torin. This just felt way too much like the randos from Once Broken Faith who were just villains cause someone had to be. can’t even remember their names or their motivations 

It's a shame cause there are some things I did really like in this novel. There’s some good character development. Captain Pete was cool (even if the conclusion basically writes her back out of the story). But imo this book should be a big Luidaeg entry and she's absent for like 70 percent of the book, which doesn’t help 

I guess what I'm saying is this would have been fine as a novella if there wasn’t a big novel-defining conflict to use. January’s resurrection was done in a novella and that’s pretty damn major, Lore-wise. 

I cant complain too much, cause the last 2 books knocked it out of the park. But I hope the next one feels more relevant.

-One thing I do want to mention (which I didn’t picture anywhere) is there is a lot of cryptic shit in this entry surrounding... Marcia of all people? Captain Pete and The Luidaeg both seem inordinately interested in her. And she seems very nervous when they speak to her and ask her questions and says a bunch of weird cryptic shit. I think this is setting up for something with her, but I’m not sure what. We basically know none of her backstory, which is unusual for a character who’s been in the series since book 1, so it wouldn’t be out of place to explore her more. I do think there’s something up with her birth/heritage. We know she’s a mostly human changeling (like only 1/4 fae?) but she’s very involved in the fae stuff, which is unusual. We don’t even know what the 1/4 is and the main character is literally a bloodhound for that sort of thing. 

-Anyway, there’s a novella at the end of this one called "Hope is Swift" starring Raj. So we'll see how that is!

-I like it so far. Lots of Cait Sidhe lore. The premise is that Raj gets hit by a car in cat form and then taken in by a vet and mistaken for an actual cat. There's also a they/them nb side character named Cal. 

-Overall I did enjoy the novella. Not a lot goes down but there’s good Cait Sidhe lore and character development for Raj. We also got to formally meet Ginerva, who was a character in name only to this point. I liked it more than the base novel i think 

-and not to drive more on my point in previous reads but BLIND MICHAEL. IS MENTIONED A LOT. mostly re: trauma and recovery, which is nice, but still. 

-I hope book 14 throws us back into the meat of the story. i mean, 10 was probably the weakest entry but it was surrounded by good ones, and since this one was preceeded by 2 of the best books in the series i hope the pattern stays true