#which logically i Know isn’t because of me. that is hurtful to think but there’s a part of me that’s like You’re fucking dumb for thinking

[mikkomacko]

My brain is in angst with a happy ending writing mode: babies edition so here’s Luke with the twins I guess. (with a lil brotherly bonding fluff)

Two things have been permanently on Luke’s mind since Reader got pregnant: “What can I do to make sure my Mama is okay?” and “Oh my god what am I supposed to do with a baby, I��m going to break them”. Don’t get him wrong, Luke loves those girls more than anything (those ARE his sisters/nieces/something in between?), but he is terrified of hurting them or not knowing how to connect with them. 1. He’s super clumsy and babies are extremely fragile. 2. He doesn’t know what a normal childhood looks like. Sure he had some good years before his dad got sick, but he hardly remembers those. What he does remember is sitting in hospital waiting rooms and staring at the same movie playing on the TV in the pediatric wing for the third time that night. He remembers Quinn skipping school more often to work a part time job so they could eat for the last couple of months before he left. He remembers crawling into Jack’s bed at night and asking him when Quinn is coming home. Other than their birthdays, Luke doesn’t remember how to play or have fun like a kid, and that makes him terrified that he won’t be able to connect with them twins. Obviously he can’t talk to Reader about this, she has so much on her plate already, and Nico didn’t exactly have the best childhood either, so he goes to Alex. His logic being “Alex is the closest thing I know to a child so surely that will work”. He figures that he had to have had some kind of whimsy in his childhood or at least knows what kids like, I mean the guy rollerblades everywhere and watches Bluey by himself, so he goes to Alex and ask So. Many. Question. He’s with Alex for a couple hours talking without even realizing it (at least not until he got hungry) and afterwards he feels so much lighter. Not because he thinks he would know what to do with a baby right now, but because he feels reassured that he has more than just Jack and the parents to turn to for help if he struggles with the twins.

-🦉

The closest thing he has to a child is Alex just made me burst out laughing. You’re so right, though. All the boys still view Alex as the baby of the Devs especially knowing how reader babies him.

Imagine Luke sitting at the table with him for breakfast like “Can I talk to you about something?”

And Alex is just like “yeah of course bud.”

“I’m scared we’re not going to know what to do with Baby Hisch. Like what do kids even like?”

Luke is genuinely so worried and nervous, meanwhile Alex is just shrugging around a bite of cereal. “All I know is that mom and Nico know everything so it’ll be fine.”

But Luke isn’t giving up that easily. He starts quizzing Alex.

“What did you do for fun when you were a kid?”

Completely serious Alex is like “I liked to hide from my dad when he got home from work.”

“Oh like hide and seek?”

“No like he was angry and I was scared he was going to hit me.”

“Oh. What about when you were older?”

“You mean when I was homeless? Or before that?”

Luke is starting to think that maybe Alex’s childhood was even worse than his, but he turned out happy and fine so something must have gone right.

“What’s your best memory? Like from your childhood?”

“Probably when Nico and y/n picked me up from the airport and took me for food.”

They go back and forth for hours, Alex sharing all these fun little moments he remembers and Luke starts to pick out the pattern. Anytime reader or Nico fed him, tucked him into bed, took him sight seeing in New York, just made him feel seen were his favorite.

And while Luke still doesn’t really know how you do that for a baby, at least he knows he cares enough to try. Which seems to be the best thing to happen to Alex and him and Jack.

[time-was-over]

i feel like i’m dying. like the insides of my soul are sloughing off and im so fucking alooone it’s agonizing

[empresskylo]

can you make a fix of cod guys reaction to you getting into an argument with them, which causes us to flinch and cover our face from any impact because we had an abusive ex.

featuring Ghost, Price, Soap, Gaz, Konig, & Alejandro

⊹ cod men x gn!reader

[ warnings ] domestic violence implications

cod masterlist

Ghost

He’d run his hand through his hair if he didn’t have this bloody mask on. Ghost looked down at you, his eyes narrowing in and scrutinizing your every minute detail. You tried to glare back, but you were feeling rather small with the weight of his disappointed glower. 

“You’ve got t’be more careful,” his voice boomed, though he was trying to keep it at a normal level. 

“I know, I’m sorry—”

“Sorry isn’t gonna cut it when you get someone killed,” he growled, taking a step in, closing the space between the two of you. 

You stepped back on instinct and bumped into the wall—trapped. You suddenly felt trapped. You knew that logically he wouldn’t hurt you, but something about his pissed-off demeanor and towering frame triggered something in you. Your breathing increased exponentially and Ghost watched helplessly as your chest rose and fell in rapid beats.

A bit taken aback by your response, Ghost raised a hand to grab your shoulder and you turned your head and shied away. You let out a small gasp as if waiting for him to land a blow on you. 

You squeezed your eyes shut, the entire moment passing by excruciatingly slow. That’s when you knew you fucked up. Ghost dropped his hand and his fist clenched, putting everything together all at once. Something inside him broke seeing you look at him like that—with fear in your eyes. It fucking hurt.

“M’not gonna hurt you,” he said in a much softer tone than earlier. He’d never lay a hand on you, even out of love, if you didn’t want it.

You blinked rapidly, forcing yourself to look up at him, your face inflamed. “I-I know. I didn’t… I don’t know why…” The words got lost in your throat. You were so embarrassed. 

“Who?” He asked sharply.

You tilted your head, your hands squeezing at your sides. Ghost took a step back to give you room, though he wanted nothing more than to step into you closer, to pull you against him. He didn’t care how annoyed he was with you, all that drifted away, unimportant nonsense he’d come back to later.

“ Who… ?” You repeated.

“Who. Hurt. You?” He bent over slightly, aligning his face with yours as he talked, making sure you couldn’t turn your face away from him. 

“J-Just an ex-boyfriend. It’s not a big deal. I don’t know why I responded like that. I-I know you wouldn’t hurt me.”

Ghost sighed, his eyes dancing between yours. “No. I wouldn’t.” His voice was dark and deep again. “But I have nothin’ against hurtin’ that bastard.”

“Ghost, please.”

He straightened and rolled his shoulders, trying to suppress the bubbling anger. He looked down at you at last. “Can I touch you?” He asked softly.

You nodded, tears falling down your cheeks now. He tentatively took a step towards you and pulled you into his arms. He wrapped them securely around you and you nuzzled your face into his jacket. If he wasn’t so shocked over the way you responded to him, he’d be yelling at you to tell you who it was that hurt you so he could hunt them down. 

Instead, he clutched you close to him, trying not to think about the fear that crossed your eyes, even if it was momentarily. Even if it wasn’t because of him. He never wanted you to look at him like that again. Something rotten tugged at his heart as he felt you try to stifle your cries. Oh, he was definitely going to kill that bastard. And he was going to make it slow and painful.  

Price

You chased after Price as he made his way down the hall. “I swear I didn’t mean to—!”

He cut you off, spinning on his heels, making you bump into his chest and slam to a halt. “It doesn’t matter what you meant !” He yelled, losing his composure briefly. 

You flinched at his loud words, stepping away from him. It was a quick movement, a subtle tick of your face, your eyes squinted as you pulled your head away. You acted like this was something you were all too familiar with. 

Immediately Price’s anger shifted away from you and onto whatever bastard trained you to cower. 

His widened eyes traced your face and you slowly read his expression as he came to the realization of why you would flinch away from him when he shouted. You watched as several emotions crossed Price’s countenance. 

His voice was hushed as he edged closer to you, the deep baritone sending a shiver up your spine. “Y’don’t have t’tell me now,” his voice was so low as he spoke. “But you will tell me who, eventually.”

“John, I–”

He was always so gentle with you. But right now, the intense hatred for whoever this bastard was that harmed you, took over. He shook his head and clicked his tongue. “Don’t wanna hear it, doll. You will tell me who did this to you if it’s the last thing I get out of you.”

A wave of heat crossed your cheeks, his eyes boring into yours. You nodded meekly and his face softened. “Com’ere,” he cooed, opening his arms. You stepped into them and were immediately surrounded in the warm comfort Price brought you, one hand rubbing circles on your back and the other sliding up into your hair, tucking your head under his chin. 

“S’your not mad at me, anymore?” Your words muffled by his body. 

You felt his chest rumble as he spoke. “Could never stay mad at you.”

Soap

“Blood hell,” Soap whined, annoyed with you for hiding the arm wound you got the other day. 

“It’s not as serious as it looks,” you tried to convince him, your lips quirking into a weak smile. 

He closed his eyes to collect his last remaining patience. “Not serious—” he repeated, his words rising in several octaves as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “You’ve got twenty stitches in your arm! How the fuck is that not serious?!” 

He reached for your arm and you pulled it away, shuddering briefly from the brief touch of his fingertips. The two of you froze, his eyes darting to meet yours the second he saw the shift in your composure. 

“Gonna tell me why y’just did that?” He sat still in his seat, trying to steady his voice. 

“Did what?” You asked, attempting to play dumb, but the tears were already misting in your eyes. 

Soap sighed, his face dropping as he studied you. “Fuckin’ hell,” he said with displeasure. “You shoulda told me. I wouldn’t have—I woulda been more—” He lost his words, watching as a few stray tears fell down your cheeks. 

“Hey, hey, hey,” he said softly. His thumb came up to wipe the tears away, his hand then cupping the side of your cheek. “S’okay. M’not mad.” You leaned into his hand.. “Jus’ wish ya woulda told me.” You nodded and he gave you a weak smile. 

“Com’on, let’s get that bandage changed.” His voice was gentle as he coaxed you up, wrapping an arm protectively around you as he led you down to the infirmary. You would discuss this later. Right now, all he wanted was to make sure you felt safe in his arms.

Gaz

Gaz wouldn’t say he had anger issues… he just got passionate about the people he cared about, and sometimes that would come out in spurts of angry shouts. What he didn’t expect, was the way you reacted the first time he ever lost his cool in front of you. 

“I cannot fuckin’ believe Shepherd,” he growled. 

“Maybe we should just focus on the positive,” you said meekly, trying to help calm Gaz down.  

“Yeah? And what fuckin’ positive is that?!” He shouted as he paced back and forth. He regretted it the moment it left his lips. 

You squeezed your eyes shut at his words and brought your hands up for the briefest of seconds to cover your face. 

Gaz whispered your name and you instantly tried to compose yourself. You straightened and gave an awkward smile.

“That wasn’t at you,” he corrected, his eyes deflating as he watched you. “I-I’m sorry. I’d never hurt you,” he said wistfully, running his hand over his hair and cursing. He looked at you completely differently than he had just moments earlier. His entire demeanor shifted. He was suddenly staring at you with such intensity it made something well in your eyes. 

“No, Gaz. It’s not you.” That was the last sentence you could get out before the tears escaped. You quickly wiped them away and Gaz stepped towards you, resting both hands on either one of your shoulders. 

“Hey,” he said calmly. 

You gave him a sideways smile. “It’s just…” you tried to get the words out but they slipped away.

“S’alright. You don’t have to tell me.” His hands slid down your arms, giving you a squeeze before releasing you. “You know I’d never hurt you, right?”

You gave a small laugh. “I know that, Gaz.”

“Good.” He pulled you into his chest without asking, all his anger from earlier transforming into gentleness. “You can tell me when you’re ready,” he said into your hair. 

You nodded. “Thank you.” He held you a bit tighter and you closed your eyes in peace. You never wanted him to let go. 

König

He was frustrated with the way you were angry at him for insisting he do this mission alone. “You’re gonna get yourself killed!” You argued.

He had enough. He didn’t lose his temper often, but there was no way Konig was allowing you to come on a mission quite this dangerous. He pushed up from his chair, the table in front of him shaking as he did. 

He was a big guy, and you knew that, but the way he quickly took up the space of the room amazed you. “Verfickte Hurerei!” Fucking hell! he shouted. “Why are you pressing this so hard?!” He gestured towards you, his fists clenched and you winced. You cowered away, surprising even yourself with your actions. 

Konig watched you through his rapid blinking, dumbfounded by what just happened. It took him a second to process.

“Liebling?” He asked his voice back to its usual tone. “I wasn’t going to— fuck . I’m sorry.” A pang of guilt coursed through him. You thought he was going to hit you? Jesus Christ. He wanted to reach out to you but he refrained, knowing that might make things worse. 

“Konig,” you whispered and his eyes snapped to yours. He tilted his head, studying you as you regained your composure. “S’not you.” Your words were so faint it hurt his heart a little. 

He watched as you wiped away a stray tear. Your body had shifted back to how things used to be. Before Konig. 

Your lip quivered and you felt so small and embarrassed. Konig mouthed your name breathlessly and you blinked away tears before closing the distance between the two of you. You practically fell into his arms and he tightened them on you instinctively. 

“You okay, liebling?” He cooed, his hand stroking your hair. 

You nodded. “M’sorry.”

He pulled back so you had to tilt your chin and look up at him. “Don’t apologize.” His hand came up and stroked your cheek. 

“It’s not you,” you tried to reassure again, worried Konig was going to eat himself alive thinking you were afraid of him. 

“I know.” Your lips pinched together and Konig pulled you back into him. “You’re safe. You’ll always be safe with me.”

You felt tears fall; not out of terrible memories, but out of the love you felt radiating off of Konig. 

Alejandro

“Jesus, would you just listen to me?” You shouted. 

“Listen to you?! You haven’t heard a fucking thing I’ve been saying!” He yelled back. His accent was always heavier on his words when he was mad. 

He took a big step towards you, his knife still in his hand, covered in blood. You flinched when he approached so suddenly. His dark words and his fast movements made you duck in fear. 

Alejandro paused all his movements, startled by your reaction. “Jesus,” he mumbled, sheathing his knife and holding his hands up. “I wouldn’t hurt you, mi amor.” He shook his head in frustration with himself. His jaw clenched as he watched you look back up at him. How awful he felt seeing your beautiful features shrouded in fear. 

“I…” you swallowed hard. “I’m sorry. The yelling… I don’t know. It just made me think back to…”

Something inside Alejandro shifted at your faint words. “Mataré a ese bastardo,” I’ll kill that bastard , he growled. “Who was it? Who fuckin’ touched you?” 

You shook your head. “Alejandro, please. It was so long ago.”

He clenched his fist, his other hand coming up to the scruff on his jaw. He closed his eyes to try and contain himself. When he opened them, you could still see the darkness lingering behind them. “I don’t care how long ago it was, mi amor. I need you to tell me who it was.”

You frowned and he closed his eyes again before walking up to you and pulling you into his arms. “God. I swear I’ll fuckin’ kill him.”

You let out the softest of giggles at how dramatic he could be. But still, you felt so safe knowing he would go to the ends of the world to protect you. You felt him kiss the top of your head, mumbling something about being sorry for yelling. 

[missmeringuemorgue]

Hello and Welcome!

In this PAC reading we will find out hints about your Future Spouse! How exciting! For those who want to listen to this PAC in audio format, be sure to check this out!🥰

My best wishes and onto the reading…

Group 1

1. I see something related to Ghostbusters so they could be into ghosts and the paranormal, perhaps even ghost hunting. I’m getting a sense of someone who is adventurous. Your future spouse would definitely want to go on a ghost hunting adventure!

2. I see they could have dark hair. They are also fit - might go to the gym. Could have tattoos. Might have a platform online, like YouTube or Twitch. The letters “C”, “R”, “B”, also the letter “S”. Might listen to rap.

3. You might not like them at first or they aren’t your usual type. This is someone who isn’t what they appear to be and what I mean by that is they might put on a mask when meeting new people and it might take some time to get to know them. Perhaps, you will see right through this mask and will not like them hiding their true face. I’m not saying that they are two-faced or anything like that. They are more like guarded which makes me think they have been hurt in the past when opening up too soon, so they wear this mask in order not to get hurt again.

4. Could be from Europe or a small country. I’m getting a sense of someone returning home, so they might not live in their birth country or just travels a lot outside of it.

5. Could have a sibling of the same gender.

6. There’s just a lot of spirits around them and the theme keeps popping up which makes me think they are well spiritually protected. If you ever wondered how they are doing, just know that whatever happens is happening FOR them not TO them. Also they could be good at manifesting.

7. They could be either your Twin Flame or Soulmate (if you believe in those things), because I see a strong spiritual bond between you.

8. This is someone you’ll likely have kids with.

9. Some of you need to hear that you aren’t delusional. If there’s someone you feel a strong pull towards, they might be your person. Put logic aside and trust your intuition on this.

10. Something related to Shrek, Puss in Boots to be specific. So cats might be significant or it could also mean that like I’ve mentioned earlier you wouldn’t like your future spouse at first or you might even be rivals, enemies to lovers kind of trope if you will.

11. Edgar Allan Poe keeps popping up, so they might read some of his poetry to you and that’s one of the ways you’ll know it’s them. Speaking of poetry, they might be a poet as well. They might just write their poems on paper or they might create music from it.

12. Twenty One Pilots might be significant. So they might like this band and listen a lot to them, also when with them you could hear a Twenty One Pilots song and that’s yet another way to help you realise who is your future spouse.

13. Snow White or Disney Princesses in general might be significant. I’m getting a sense of something forbidden, and what I mean by that is your love might seem forbidden in some way, like maybe you come from different backgrounds or cultures and not all people agree with your decision to be together. Also I feel distance, so you might be from different countries too.

14. I’m getting a sense of ancient civilisations and it feels like you have been searching for this person since the beginning of time. You could always tell that something was missing but couldn’t figure out what. It’s this. It’s them. When you are reunited, everything will make sense. It will make sense why it didn’t work out with someone different; everything will fall into place.

Group 2

1. Elon Musk comes to mind, so they might be the CEO type and they could be well-off, perhaps even rich. Also they could be into robots/computers/technology in general, I’m also hearing video games, specifically Doom, Counter Strike and Call of Duty. They might also drive a Tesla/their dream car is a Tesla or they just want to buy it for whatever reason.

2. I see teddy bears, so they might have a good, kind heart and are a true softie. They give great hugs and they might have a chubbier body type, well proportioned though. Also Valentine’s Day might be significant.

3. The letters “G” and “J” or more specifically the names “George” and “James”.

4. Germany/Austria might be significant, so they might be from one of these countries or you might be from one of them which would be a confirmation this reading is for you.

5. Water sign vibes: they could have a lot of water placements in their birth chart or it could also mean they have a lot of qualities to water signs.

6. I see paintings, so they might be into museums and art, also they could be studying or studied something related to art.

7. I see pearls and the sea: again with the water energy. This could mean they are in tune with their emotions, and I’m also hearing when they get angry it feels like a mountainous sea with rain and lightning above, it’s like you can see it in their eyes. They don’t try to hide their emotions.

8. I have to keep this pg rated, but maybe some of you need to hear this: I heard they are great in the sexy department. They could have a Leo Venus, but not necessarily.

9. I see Cupids and Angels, so they might seem too good to be true when you meet them but trust me they are for you and they are here to stay. Also you could be mesmerised by them on your first meeting. It’s like they captured your heart the moment they walked into the room.

10. Opera, movie theatres or theatres in general might be significant, like you could meet them there or they might invite you to see something in a theatre. Also they could be an actor. The letter “E” and specifically the names “Evan”, “Eva” or “Evelin”

11. Something related to islands and pirates. They might be the “bad boy”, “bad girl” type. Not in a bad way but they just always get what they want. But more importantly they always know what they want so you won’t have to question their actions or feelings because their actions match their words.

12. Good at noticing details. Very diligent. I see them never forgetting special occasions, they might even put them in their calendar so they don’t forget. Might like to surprise you with a home cooked meal or “just because” and “this reminded me of you” gifts. Gift giving might be their love language.

13. Countryside, cottage core, gathering berries and mushrooms: this might be their vibe, they might live in the countryside or they would love to own a home outside of town.

14. Might wear glasses, might own a cat, wants to own a cat or cats are in one way or another connected to your person or your relationship with them.

Group 3

1. I feel a safe place, so they could be your safe haven. You could also have a safe place where you go in your dreams or during astral travel, you could meet them there. They might have also created a safe space for you to be and to protect you during sleep or astral projection.

2. I see cherries, blueberries and the forest, so they might live near a forest, they like to go on walks in the forest, you could meet somewhere with a lot of nature or near a forest or it simply means they just love nature.

3. Very intelligent, they could be the brains behind many projects. Also they could like old cartoons, like cartoons from the 90s or early 00s. Scooby-Doo could be significant. Also they could like solving problems, like they could be a lawyer or somehow related to law even.

4. They could have darker features and what I mean by that is they could have darker skin, darker hair, darker eyes or something like that. Also Ibiza/Maldives could be significant.

5. I feel they like to party a lot or at least did in their early years. I’m not saying they are old but they could have had a party animal past. I don’t feel them this way anymore though. They could party here and there but not as intensively as they did in the past.

6. The number “nine” could be significant, so it could be their life path number or it could be your life path number which would be a confirmation this group is definitely for you. Also they could be ending a toxic cycle right now, like a toxic relationship or an addiction of some sort. This addiction could be related to them partying as I mentioned earlier.

7. I see letters or messages of some sort, so it could mean they will contact you soon or they have contacted you in the past with a letter. I feel it could have been a small letter, like the ones you exchange during class when the teacher doesn’t notice.

8. The seven wonders of the world might be significant, like you could meet them at one of them or something like that. Also you could meet while travelling whether it be a long or short trip.

9. Your future spouse has a great fashion sense, almost iconic as some would say. They also could be into modelling or have dreamed of becoming a model. Very stylish, indeed.

10. Lady GaGa could be significant, like you could meet while Lady GaGa’s song is playing or while with them, you might hear a Lady GaGa’s song and that will be a confirmation.

11. The reoccurring theme of numbers keeps popping up, so they might as well be somehow connected to various numbers, like they could have their own business, they could be an accountant or an office worker, also the show “Office” and Britney Spears might be significant.

12. Asia, more specifically Korea might be somehow connected either to them or to you. I’m hearing your love story could be similar to the love stories in KDramas.

13. I keep seeing dogs, so they definitely could be a dog person or perhaps even have a dog. Also this could signify loyalty and friendship, so you might as well be friends first before you start dating.

14. There’s lots of symbolism to music and musicians, so your future spouse might be a musician or is somehow related to the music industry.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Since you've discussed your favorite parts of ep. 7, I'd like to know your biggest criticisms of it & how you would've addressed them.

[Referencing this post!]

*raises finger* (my lawyer pulls me away)

Here’s how I would change the ending (while still staying within the Disney + mobile gacha game restraints and sticking with the themes + patterns established by other OBs):

Rework all the dreams. Every single last one. I can’t count the number of issues I have with them. Between the inconsistent pacing (4-35 parts per boy), the lack of urgency, extra fat (irrelevant convos), frequent contradictory explanations of the dreams, and the on-the-nose announcements of how each boy has changed, these are horribly inefficient vehicles for storytelling and need to be significantly tightened.

Between each dorm’s dreams, cut back to Malleus and Lilia so they at least STAY relevant for a book that is supposedly about Diasomnia. Let us know what Malleus’s current state of mind is, have Lilia reflect on what it’s like to see Malleus twisted into… this. Something, anything.

Make the explanation for the dreams consistent. Instead of changing the explanation or slapping on new details every other update, just claim right from the get-go that dreams tend to pull from a dreamer’s wishes/desires but it’s unknown how the dream worlds will actually be interpreted or how they’ll interact with Malleus’s magic since each person is so different. You can still have the dreams with deeper hidden meanings, but avoid overcomplicating the logic governing dreams in the first place.

Have Lilia join up with us in the dream world. Maybe a scene where Ortho or Idia connects the dots on his identity and contacts Lilia using his Muscle Red gaming ID tag in the dream world. Lilia receives his invite that way and joins us for the battle maps + help Silver and Sebek train with their new equipment. You can also potentially use this section to have Silver and Lilia reconcile over Lilia keeping secrets from him.

Like how Sebek had moments with the first years in their dreams, give Silver moments in which he can reflect on his relationship with + thoughts on the Dawn Knight. It feels a little strange to me that we went from emotional breakdown learning about his lineage to… thanking the Dawn Knight for not taking Lilia away at the end??? Like it feels like we missed the middle part of that development. We never got to hear his inner thoughts about the ordeal or how he comes to terms with it. For something so heavy, you’d think there would be more screen time dedicated to that??

The sword strikes Malleus, which brings him back to his senses but doesn’t break the horn. (This is just a personal dislike thing; it’s uncomfortable for me because it inevitably reminds me of poor injured animals and that’s not exactly… fun 💦)

Lilia still gets in the way of Malleus and Silver’s final stand-off, but rather than dying, he’s in critical condition and is in very real danger of dying.

Have Malleus willingly sacrifice a significant chunk of his magic (since he has all that excess from the senators blessing him + Malleus even canonically says he’ll give up his wings, his lifespan, etc.) to bring back Lilia from the brink. This would serve multiple purposes: 1) permanently power cap Malleus, 2) show him that his previous actions actually hurt Lilia but he also has the power to do good too (so he’s not filled with complete despair at the end), 3) rids him of the excess power he didn’t ask for, so now he’s more “approachable” to people, 4) doesn’t bring up potential issues with reviving the dead, since this could be categorized as ultra powerful healing magic, and 5) parallels the self-sacrifice Lilia had for him, that Silver had for Lilia, etc.

Honestly, I think Lilia should move away to the Land of Crimson Long to retire instead of regaining his magic and returning to NRC as a student. That way, Malleus isn’t the “special” OB boy that doesn’t have to still deal with the thing he OB’d over. Have it end on a hopeful note though, like have Idia or Lilia showing Malleus how to text (which is now more feasible due to Malleus’s reduced power) so he can always reach out to Lilia at a moment’s notice. This also fits in with the theme of keeping connected.

Alternative scenario to the previous point: have Lilia be taken away to urgent care and/or in a coma for a while. Let Malleus stew with the weight of what he did. Then maybe he + Diasomnia are called in when Lilia’s unstable and this might be good-bye 💦 Idk, at least then Lilia wouldn’t be dead for all of 5 seconds and Malleus would actually have a period where he’s forced to sit and reflect on what he did. Worrying and praying that Lilia will be saved, promising to the stars that he’ll never act out again if they just save Lilia. (You can still have your power of love saves him moment here!)

Following the OB, give a more balanced view of the repercussions of Malleus’s OB. Tell us how other nations are reacting, show us that some people are suspicious of him + need extra help recovering after the fact (in addition to people who love his UM and want to stay in there longer), etc. The current version works overtime to reassure us that there are zero negative (or even dubious) consequences when, logically, there would be at least some. This includes the main cast. Realistically speaking, they’d at least have some reservations or complicated feelings revolving around what happened in their dreams and how they feel seeing Malleus return. Ultimately, they’d welcome him back but some of them would still snark a bit while others are more forgiving (depends on the character; not all of them would react the same way).

We can still have the party + knighting ceremony at the end, but include some kind of magical broadcast or something where Malleus apologizes to all of Twisted Wonderland and lets them know what steps he intends to take to make amends moving forward. In the original, he only apologized to NRC, which I feel doesn’t cover the scope of the lives he could have affected. And if you’re going to have the other OB boys recite their flaws + how pathetic they were wallowing in darkness + how they’ve changed/are better than that now, grant Malleus that same opportunity here. It would also be great if he could go around and acknowledge the important people in his life, including classmates, to show us that he truly recognizes the value in these connections. I do, however, want to caution: the speech shouldn’t sound like Malleus speedran a character arc and is now without flaws. Malleus should also have some lines where he admits he’s imperfect and may falter, and if that’s the case, then he trusts us to admonish him and set him on the right path. This would show us that he’s willing to give up control to others and that he’s being more receptive to criticism.

Add a nod to Raverne at the end??? Like maybe Malleus wonders where his father is and we get some explanation as to why he didn’t show up in the Castle Wildrose memories but his mom did.

I don't think I actually made many changes here; most of the plot points remain, just change the execution and what the focus is on.

[sinfulsalutations]

𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕪 𝕖𝕒𝕥 ⋆*･ﾟ𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕓𝕒𝕕 𝕓𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙

➼ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ☆ ꜱᴍᴜᴛ, ᴏʀᴀʟ ꜱᴇx, ᴄᴜɴɴɪʟɪɴɢᴜꜱ, ꜰᴀᴄᴇ-ꜱɪᴛᴛɪɴɢ, ꜱʟɪɢʜᴛ ᴏʀᴀʟ ꜰɪxᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ɪɴ ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ᴘᴀʀᴛꜱ

⋆ ★ ɢᴇɴᴜɪɴᴇʟʏ ɪᴅʀᴋ. ɪ ᴡʀᴏᴛᴇ ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪɴ ᴏɴᴇ ꜱɪᴛᴛɪɴɢ ᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴛᴀɴɴɪɴɢ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇᴀᴄʜ ᴀɴᴅ ɪᴛꜱ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ꜰɪʟᴛʜ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴍʏ ᴍɪɴᴅ ᴘʟᴏᴘᴘᴇᴅ ᴏɴᴛᴏ ʜᴇʀᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ. ʜᴀᴠᴇ ꜰᴜɴ

➼ ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜰɪᴄ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴꜱ ɴꜱꜰᴡ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ. ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ 18+ ᴅɴɪ

⋆ ★ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴏɴ ᴀᴏ3 ⋆*･ﾟ ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ ꜰᴏʀᴍ

Hunter - Actively drowns himself

Hunter thinks the best place he could ever be is buried deep into your cunt. He loves the feeling of every jerk of your legs, every single fold and crevice of your sex. Even then he feels like it isn’t enough, and presses himself to you so adamantly and for so long he leaves with his entire face drenched.

I’ve expressed before that his nose is a clit tickler and I still stand by that. He presses against it while he lets his tongue fuck into your hole, letting out heavy breaths that make you sigh and twitch against his face.

He wants everything from you. Wants you whining and bucking into him. Groans into your cunt “C’mon pretty, give it to me. Let me have it, oh, let me give you this,” when he’s making you reach your peak.

Tech - Treats it like a scientific experiment

There’s a method to making you orgasm thoroughly and pleasurably, Tech has discovered, and as a man of logic, it wouldn’t be correct to treat pleasuring you any differently than he does other situations.

The first time you let him between your legs, Tech takes his time to thoroughly take you in, and he collects his observations, infers what might make you cum the hardest, the fastest, and soon after he begins to run his “experiments.”

He concludes quickly that it’s all about the combinations of stimulation and how they’re applied, how hard or gently he sucks your clit in his mouth while his fingers probe your entrance, the speed of his index and middle pumping into you while his tongue gently licks around your folds. Tech won’t rest until he’s figured out everything that makes you click and cum.

Wrecker - Wants to be your chair

If you think Hunter is messy about how he eats your pussy, you haven’t seen Wrecker yet. This boy wants to be so roughed up and drenched you’ll be in need of a shower before he even gets his cock wet.

And he wants you to sit. Not hover, not squat, sit. You may express insecurities or worries of hurting him at first, but Wrecker is extremely adamant it’ll all be alright. I mean, come on. The man is huge, and any worry of crushing him is gone the instant he grabs onto your hips and situates you right on him.

Wrecker is incredibly eager when he laps at your cunt, tongue and fingers reaching any place he can, encouraging you to move and grind all over him so you can get your fill. If he gets your spend dripping down his chin and trailing down his neck, that just means hes given you and you’ve given him everything you can feasibly give, and he can wipe it away with a pussy drunk look on his face before asking if he can make you come again.

Crosshair - Does it more for himself than you

You could reasonably argue that Crosshair likes eating you out more than you like getting eaten out. This man craves it like he’s addicted, forever hooked on your taste, your body, every twitch and sigh and slight movement of your body forever ingrained in his mind.

Somehow, despite giving, he manages to be selfish. Crosshair is groaning into you, whispering things he knows you can’t hear because hes talking to himself (or your cunt). Even through that, he makes it good for you; being selfish doesn’t mean it won’t be enjoyable for the receiving party. If he’s slow and thorough about it (which rarely happens) he can make you see stars with the gentlest of pets. But usually, you come fast and hard. And no matter what, he makes you feel good.

Echo - Slowly but surely

Echo is probably one of, if not, the most romantic when it comes to eating you out. He doesn’t want you to do any work; “Don’t grind your hips, sweetheart. I’ve got it. Just feel good for me.”

Giving is something he feels is necessary to show his love and appreciation in the bedroom, so he wants you to lie back and let him make you fall apart at his own pace. And Maker do you fall apart.

Echo knows every single rhythm with his licks and pumps and sucks, every pattern he could follow that will make you feel so good your eyes are brimmed with tears once you do finally finish. But he’s quick to rise up and kiss them away, whispering little nothings while his hand traces the curves of your body, easing you back down from the high.

ragu list: @starstofillmydream @pb-jellybeans @corrieguards @badbatchbabe @ladytano420 @jediknightjana @sleepycreativewriter @shinyshayminflower @thebahdbitch @secondaryrealm @nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius @kimiheartblade @followthepurrgil @wolffegirlsunite @starrylothcat @sev-on-kamino @aconstructofamind @padawancat97 @littlemissmanga @starqueensthings @freesia-writes @wings-and-beskar @clio3kantarella @secretthegriffin @idontgetanysleep @523rdrebel @dystopicjumpsuit @mandos-mind-trick @sunshinesdaydream @andrakass2 @jesjestraverse @crosshairlovebot @wizardofrozz @dangraccoon @lickylickylicky @thebomb-diggity @urmomsmattress @jedi-hawkins @who-would-want-a-broken-heart @cw80831 @ladyzirkonia @multi-fan-dom-madness @moonlightwarriorqueen @eyeluvmusic21 @mythical-illustrator @a-single-tulip @isaidonyourknees @salaminus @mekuiikore @crosshairscrustysock

[thistlecatfics]

Remus & Harry's fight in DH with the lens of lycanthropy as CSA

I revisited the fascinating Remus vs Harry fight in DH for my ‘Andromeda hates Remus’ mini meta, and now I keep thinking about it from the lens of lycanthropy as childhood sexual abuse. 

I love using fiction as a way to stretch my empathy muscles (which sounds pretentious and sanctimonious but it’s true!), and it’s taken me a while to really figure out how to find empathy for Remus here. He literally blasts Harry and makes Harry hit his head so hard he develops a big lump! Because Harry rightly calls him out on running away from his pregnant wife! Because it’s hard for me as the reader to see how Remus feels because being a werewolf just… doesn’t seem all that bad? Or at least not disgusting, even if it obviously carries societal stigma? 

A lot of people hate the lycanthropy as CSA thing precisely because there’s this implication that you are then cursed to perpetuate the violence, but I think it’s still a worthwhile way to understand Remus. I’m not going to make a grand text based argument for the metaphor. I just like it because I like using fiction as a way to work through my own stuff. 

Someone does something to you as a kid, something bad, and you carry that around for the rest of your life and you feel like it marks you as different from others and disgusting at your core and probably dangerous too. Most of the time you look normal – which just makes you feel like you’re a liar because you know you’re disgusting and isn’t it terrible that you’re lying all the time and letting people believe you’re alright? But you carry it, hidden, all of the time. 

(Plus, the obvious of Fenrir in the night targeting children, how Draco who has worked to let Death Eaters into Hogwarts in HBP is afraid of the idea of letting Fenrir into a school etc.) 

Many survivors (including nearly all CSA survivors I know who are men or lesbians) have at some point held a deep fear about some latent predatory nature that might take over and lead them to hurt people/children/women in the same way they were hurt. Desire feels dangerous.

So for Remus, the idea that he might pass along lycanthropy to his unborn child is not just “my child might be a werewolf” but “I just deeply harmed a child.” Not just any child. My own child. A baby.

Trauma brain is saying: I let myself relax. I put down my guard and let myself act like a normal person and stopped seeing myself as something disgusting and dangerous and who needs to be set apart from others. I let myself be loved. And what was the result? I did this to a child, just like it was done to me. It feels internally for Remus like he just sexually abused a child.

Even if logically he knows that cannot possibly be an accurate understanding, trauma brain is insistent. He just did the one unspeakably bad thing he hates most in the world.

No wonder he wants to run from that possibility. No wonder he wants to try to risk his life for a noble cause instead of facing the possibility. No wonder he’s so agitated that, when pressed by Harry, he blasts him against a wall. 

I’m not arguing that everyone needs to read his actions this way, and, like I said, I totally get why people hate the lycanthropy as CSA metaphor thing. But Remus's actions only start to make sense to me when I take that lens, and it’s the lens which allows me to feel closest to him and feel the most empathy for him here.

[sorry-not-feeling-it-right-now]

One thing about Smitten is that he is quite good at recognising the emotions of others, but this part of him is highly overlooked because of, well, his unhealthy attachment towards to princess. The only time he’s shown that part of his character is in the Thorn chapter, where he recognises the pain and self hatred Thorn has for herself and is 100 percent on team cutting her free from her bindings. He’s not even mad at Oppy siding with killing the Princess at all, as he just quickly forgives him and be like “oh water under the bridge”. With how protective he is over the Princess you’d think he’d be more angry at him, but he isn’t. Which is very interesting to me. One of the ways you can get Smitten in the Thorn route (aside from flirting) is to by recognise that the two of you are putting yourself in a cycle of pain, and then handing her the weapon (symbolising your trust) despite that, logically, you’d know that you would be stabbed. And yet he did that anyway.

The differences of the two versions of Smittens in HEA and Thorn lies in how much you know about the Princess. In Thorn, he’s seen how we’ve hurt her. He’s seen how much it had changed her, turning her into someone who is bitter and untrusting. So with he intention to redeem himself and to show that he is apologetic for what we’ve done, he gave her the implement (aka letting down his walls). For HEA however, he literally just met her. To get to HEA, he recognises that the Princess is upset with your decision of wanting the stay in the cabin forever. But because he(and by extension Quiet) fears being alone in an unfamiliar environment he pushes those doubts aside in order to make the both of you happy.

Both Smitten and Broken are emotionally open people, except when one sees the other upset his first instinct is to lift them back up and gently remind them that they’re worthy of love and kindness, while the other would sit down quietly with the other and listen to their woes.

(Reminds me of a fic that @/writingdevil wrote… it’s a poly fic between Smitten Broken and Oppy. Go read it. It’s really sweet)

I am on the team of “Smitten can become better if we just get him away from the Princess for a little while”. While his love and devotion for her is genuine, his fear of being alone that leads to his unhealthy need to please her and make her happy is. Something. Actually a lot of the Voices need some time out away from the Princess.

(Edited to have this cause I have a stupid idea. Ignore this)

[myreallovelymind]

💗Dating life update 💗

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the amazing date I went on with the guy who picked my pink lingerie set. It was honestly one of the best dates I’ve been on with one of the most attractive men I’ve ever seen. I wish I could share a picture so you can fan girl as hard as I am.

The date was amazing, we went out for pizza and we had a bottle of wine. He was dressed so well, he’s 6’1, speaks with a posh British accent and honestly, I melted when he looked at me in the eyes. I melted so hard, I couldn’t actually look at him so he thought I wasn’t interested in him until we were on my sofa about to kiss… my bad!

Sex was incredible. He’s kinky and dominant but didn’t expect me to submit. We filmed ourselves and we genuinely hold hands when he’s fucking me doggy? Like who does that on a first date?!

It was great butttttttt….

He’s a dad and is part time in London and part time 1 h away from London. He has a flat here but also a house there. Before we started texting, he has decided to rent his central London flat to spend the summer with his child as he had given up on dating apps.

Surpiseeee, I turned up. We then had a few days of talking about logistics and he didn’t quite see it working. He said I’m not the type of girl we would want to see casually and he would want to be together together and try fully but that he didn’t have the time. I was upset. Telling him we should try because I think what we have is special.

When people talk about how someone will make you feel like you’re their dream girl. That’s how he makes me feel. This is going to sound so cringe, but I believe in love at first sight for a second. I met him and thought… I think he’s my person.

Alas, he said he wanted to stay in touch but he would want us to try fully in November when he gets his London flat back. I was upset and told him that don’t want to text him unless we are trying because that would just hurt. So we left it at that.

I posted on Tumblr saying I hate dating bla bla bla. I go on a date which not even 1% of the chemistry I had with hot dad man. I spend a week telling my friends I miss him and I want to text him. I have never been in this situation. I have never been unable to move on. I’ve never checked my phone multiple times a day to see if he texted me. He’s been on my mind all the time.

A week after our goodbyes… I’m edging my denied pussy to him moaning my name on my video… and I get a text from him.

He says he’s been thinking about me every day. He doesn’t want to see anyone else and he wants me in whatever capacity I can give him. He wants to date and really try but he’s okay with casual if that’s what I can give him. I have also, never had a man trying to get me back.

I obviously say yes. I call my friend shrieking like a little girl. Nobody has seen me this giddy before. I won’t be seeing him as often because he is a working dad but I don’t care. I would rather wait for him than shit dates more often.

He wants to be my dom. He wants to control my orgasms and wants me to cum but also respects the fact that I want to wait a year. He made me fuck him whilst looking at him and kept telling me how incredible I looked. I’ve never felt this way before. It’s like every cell in my body wants him.

This sounds like a love letter? Anyway, I’m seeing him on Wednesday, so in a week. He wants me plugged and belted, wearing a dress when I cook for him on our second date. It was his birthday last week and he didn’t get a cake because he was working, which is criminal so I’m going to make him his favourite cake, Victoria Sponge Cake 🍰

It’s not love, it’s lust. My logical brain knows this isn’t love. But what if he was my person? Watch me jinx this but I just wanted to share where I’m at!

Did I mention he was gorgeous and that he called me “my love”?

[dazed--xx]

SKZ Reaction: He hurts the reader II (Hyung Line)

A/N: this is for @slayhyunjin one of my favorite followers and I’d like to say a friend now. Merry Christmas hun you wanted them to make up and I did what I could but please remember in part one Minho was a Yandere so his is technically a good ending in his mind but I will have the Maknae line out soon so get the cutest most fluffy Jeongin pics ready cause that was what was promised 😭😂 but anyway I hope y’all enjoy this and it makes y’all a little happy to see that I’m alive and still writing.

Masterlist Part 1

Chan:

Your phone had been ringing off the charts since you had left your shared apartment with Chan. You stared at the waves of the ocean as the sea breeze kissed your tear stained cheeks. Your fear had dwindled in the hours you had been sitting here on this empty beach. You bite your lip, maybe you did misunderstand. You knew Chan almost better than you knew yourself; which is why you know he’d never cheat on you. You know that she probably did fall or even if she purposely fell Chan was probably innocently helping her up because that’s the type of person he is. Well, you thought he was…that is until that lamp whipped past your head and was sent crashing against the wall. Guilt filled you as you remembered the way Chan pleaded with you not to go. He knew you had nowhere to stay, you weren’t from South Korea though you had lived here for almost 5 years it wasn’t easy for you to make friends as a foreigner wether you fit in or not. You didn’t fit with most of the things that happened around you in this country and without your relationship with Chan though, living here was apart of your dreams growing up, you would have never made the leap into moving here without him and his support. Tears filled your eyes once again as you remembered the only people you have to talk to would probably immediately send Chan over to your location. You hate yourself for wishing he was actually here, you hate how much you feel like you need his insight in what you should do but you did know he’d probably think of an answer logically without including his own emotions into whatever advice he’d give you. You sigh heavily as you lift yourself from the sand and make your way back to your car. Your phone in hand as the special ringtone you had set for Chan blared through the speaker. You almost chuckle to yourself at the irony; he finally called you right after you thought about how much you needed his help. You were relieved to see the comforting texts from his members after they had called but for those few hours you had been gone Chan hadn’t once called you. Pressing the green button you lift the phone to your ear hesitantly as you sit yourself in the drivers seat. .

You almost let out a sob as you heard his tear laced voice ring through your phone “Y-Y/N?” He questioned as he sniffled. You hear him struggling to catch his breath between his sobs “Y/N if you’re there you don’t have to say anything but please just listen..” he pleads, you could tell he was trying to calm his breathing “I-I’m so sorry, I know what you saw with that trainee looked really really bad…b-but I swear I don’t even know that girl. She is—was just a backup dancer for the Case 143 concept but since she made you and me uncomfortable we all agreed she can work with Itzy or Twice.” Your heart clenches at his caring nature which is why the girl still had a job in the first place. “But Her actions and my behavior wasn’t okay and I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that and I don’t want to make any excuses like I was angry because that doesn’t make it okay. I should have never gotten that violent, I should have just let you cool off and came to talk to you when we both had calmed down and. For that I’m so sorry and if you don’t want to be with me anymore I’d completely understand honestly I think you shouldn’t be with me anymore because what I did isn’t okay and I know that and i deserve for you to leave—ITS NOT LIKE YOU HIT ME OR ANYTHING!” You exclaim almost fuming at the way he was describing himself “it doesn’t matter. What I did was wrong and I don’t want you to justify it either. I was wrong to do that it makes me sick to my stomach knowing I could have really hurt you. Thank god I didn’t but what if I did? I wasn’t paying attention Y/N you could have gotten seriously hurt what would have happened if it hit you—but it didn’t” you cut him off once again, as tears rolled down your cheeks “Chan are you breaking up with me?” You hear a whimper release from his lips “Why would you want to be with a guy that almost hurt you physically?” He questions “you even said you wanted to get your stuff and leave me because of all this” he cries “why wouldn’t I want to protect you even if it’s from myself? I love you more than anything in this world and that’s why I don’t want you to forgive me because the idea of you getting hurt by my own hand makes me disgusted I can’t even look at you without feeling like shit knowing I really fucked this up” your heart cracks at the pain and guilt laced in his tone “you want to know why I do want to forgive you?” You ponder “You do?” He asks bewildered you give yourself a small sad smile before answering “yes, because if you were really the type to hurt me physically you wouldn’t feel like breaking up would be the best option, you think about things rationally and always put how I feel or could possibly feel first. You genuinely show that you care about me and it makes me know you’re a genuinely good person and that’s why I love you that’s why I want to be with you. Things were…intense to say the least but I do want to work things out soon maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but I do want to work things out with you and move on from this with you as your girlfriend” the line goes silent for a second “okay..b-but can I ask you something?” He asks hesitantly “yeah anything..” you reply instantly. “C-can we move on from this with you as my fiancé? I really didn’t want to propose like this but I really really want to marry you and I can’t imagine us breaking up without me at least asking you s-so that y-you do know my intentions” You can hear the hesitation and love in his words the question really throws you for a loop “C-can I answer you when I’m ready to come talk? I do want to be with you but I’d like to be proposed to properly I don’t want to remember the way we got engaged like this even though the answer is and will always be yes but for right now it’s a maybe later I love you Channie I’ll see you in couple days I promise..” you reply lovingly. You can almost hear the smile on his lips as he responds “I’d wait for you forever don’t worry I’ll see you soon my love and I’ll do it right next time I promise..”

Minho:

The smell of mildew filled your nose, the feeling of your bed is different. Your eyes are burning as they adjust to the fluorescent light, your eyes widen in shock. This isn’t your room. You look around in a panic as you throw the foreign blanket off you. You look around the room, you didn’t see a single window. The only furniture that was there was the bed you were seated on and a chair across the room facing where you were once sleeping. Where were you? You lift yourself from the bed and make your way toward the door, noticing your lack of pants and shoes you rush toward the door trying to twist and pull on the knob before slamming your fist into it repeatedly “HELLO?! HELLO?! IS ANYONE THERE?” You call as you continue to pound your fist on the door. Panic filling your body in a tidal wave you hear footsteps coming toward you “HELLO?! Who’s there?! PLEASE HELP ME!” You hear the person stop infront of the door as you try to open it again. “Hello?!” You call once more to the stranger finally realizing how much of a bad idea it was. You had no clue who was on the other side of that door. It could be the person that put you here. Were they going to hurt you? What did they want? You questioned to yourself, bile rose in your throat as you heard the slight ‘click’ from the lock and see the knob turn “W-wait!” You shout the door doesn’t move “A-are you going to hurt me?” You question pressing your ear to the door only to hear silence in return “please answer me” you plead the stranger knocks once “d-does that mean yes?” You question fear filling your tone. They knock once again “Does that mean no?” You hear two knocks in response “O-Okay…why am I here? Where am I?” You hear a heavy sigh on the other side of the door before they force it open.

Your eyes widen in shock and relief washes over you, as you’re greeted by your boyfriend. “Minho!” You exclaim tears almost streaming down your face as you rush over to him and wrap your arms around his neck burying your face in his neck “Thank god! Why did you do that why didn’t you answer me I’m so scared right now and you couldn’t just tell me what was going on? What happened why am I here how’d I get here? Where are my clothes?” You question as you pull back noticing the stoic expression on his face “I took them” he states matter of factly. “W-why?” You question slowly removing yourself from from him “so you can’t leave of course” he smiles sinisterly. Your mouth hanging open in shock “what? You did this to me so I can’t leave?” He smiles once more the light that always sat in his eyes now gone their almost soulless. “Min what’s going on? Something seems off” you question nervously as you take a step back away from him “you think it’s okay to break up with me? I think it’s quite okay that I prevent that. You told me to not come back to see you anymore. I can’t just let that happen, it’s okay you just have to stay here; I’ll take care of you baby, don’t worry.” He says taking a small step toward you as he placed a pout on his lips “can’t you hug me again? I wasn’t ready so I really didn’t get to hold you like I wanted” his hand caresses your cheek “what do you mean I just have to stay here? What about my apartment? My job? My friends and family?” You question. Minho smiles sickeningly “That’s the best part baby everyone already thinks you’re either dead or missing at the very least. It’s okay I made everything look very believable and it won’t be linked to me or anything I am really sorry that I did have to collect your blood a little, I know you’re scared of needles that’s why I put those pills in your drink so you would sleep through it cause I know you’d be scared but, because I needed everyone to think you’d died in the ordeal but you can’t even feel it can you? I really did a great job right baby? Now we can be together and nothing is wrong anymore everything is fine. I mean it will suck to have to act really sad around my members knowing you’re alive but I have to so they don’t think something is wrong didn’t I do good baby? I’ll always do great things for you and now you can be free from those burdens, I’ll take care of you. You can live here it’s a house I know about that’s underground you can walk around it as you like. I’m sorry I locked you in here but you were sleeping and I didn’t want you to possibly sleep walk or anything because that was one of the side effects—you’re fucking crazy” you cut him off in shock at his admissions. “What the hell is wrong with you?” You growl. Fear grows in your stomach as his façade drops the smile quickly gone from his lips turning into a straight line.

“Fine then I guess you can’t go around as you like. And if you try to run I’ll cut your Achilles tendon look I don’t want to have to do it this way but you’re not giving me a choice so go lay on your bed and think about what you said to me and fucking fix it when I come back with food for you. I love you so I don’t want to have to leave you in here for too long, but I am an Idol you know? things like random world tours can come up and be there for months on end so who would take care of you if I decide to leave you here while I go? Either figure out if you want to be truly like the old you and die in a bloody gory death. If you be good and listen to me like you used to then I’ll be just as good to you. I don’t want to hurt you nor does the idea appeal me honestly it makes me nauseous but I’ll do what I have to. Be good lay down and just let me love you the way only I can. There’s no one else for you anyway it’s us for the rest of our lives babe and if you have a problem with that, well I’ll take Stockholm Syndrome even if it’s your own brain tricking you into loving me again just so you can dissociate from this. I’ll take it but if you act like this again we will have an issue.” He threatens tilting his head to the side taking a step toward you “Do you want there to be an issue?” You shake your head in response “O-of course not, Min I-I was just surprised by what you said. I’m just mad you had to use a needle on me but I really appreciate all the effort you went through, y-you did well I promise. Im not mad at you im sorry for trying to break up with you I won’t ever do it again but Min I don’t want to stay here let me go with you.” You force out, you felt like throwing up at the softness of your tone. “I’m sorry baby you have to stay here but if you’re really not mad come here give me a kiss let me hold you.” You pout at his words “p-please min I don’t want to be left here don’t leave me here please I’ll be good ill listen to your rules can’t I just be with you all the time? C-can’t I just live with you? I’m scared please Min” you plead, you felt disgusted with yourself begging him but you could tell he’s unstable and you didn’t know what he was truly capable of but you knew this was not going to end well if you didn’t listen to him. Bringing yourself closer to him you place your lips on his feeling his arms wrap around you and you could almost pretend like things were how they used to be.

Changbin:

Waking up in a panic you look around the room, almost worrying when you didn’t find Changbin sleeping beside you. The events from the night previous replay in your mind as you lift yourself from the bed. A sharp sting spreads throughout your back. You groan in pain, the door shooting open at the sound. “Y/N, are you okay?” Changbin rushes into the room in a frenzy. You stare at him bewildered, “yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” You question almost sarcastically. You finally notice his disheveled state, the ghost of the trails of tears that streamed down his face. The scabs and bruises on his knuckles, you’re eyes widen in shock seeing his hands. Almost like a reflex you rush out of bed and grab his hand “What happened?!” You question worriedly taking his hand in yours .“I’m an asshole….” He states with a pout on his lips. “What? What happened to your hand Binnie? Are you okay?” He removes his hand from your grasp. “I’m a disgusting person…I was mad that I-sigh- I was mad that I hurt you s-so I punched the wall” you’re eyes widen “YOU PUNCHED THE WALL?!” You exclaim. “I fixed it after I made a hole in it. I have to paint it but it’s fixed” he murmurs. “DO YOU REALLY THINK I CARE ABOUT THAT FUCKING WALL? ILL DEMOLISH IT IF I WANTED TO WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?” You growl at him anger growing in your gut at the idea of him hurting himself. “I deserved it.” He states matter of factly. “Honestly I deserve worse. I’m sorry, but when you were sleeping I checked on your back and put some ointment on it but it’s a really big bruise. S-seeing it….I wanted to die. I hate myself for doing that to you. I got really mad at myself and it just happened. I’m so sorry, you don’t understand how much I said it when you were sleeping but I need you to know I’m really sorry and that it won’t happen again because-sigh-Y/N I think we should break up.” He sobs. You stare at him. “What? You want to break up? W-why? I won’t be clingy or harass you anymore I love you I don’t want to break up” you cry.

It was his turn to be shocked “Y/N I hurt you. I gave you a huge bruise on your back. I put my hands on you which is something I never thought I’d do. I can’t be with you knowing I did that and honestly I’m disappointed you would just let it go. Don’t make excuses for me, don’t try to justify it because there is no justification. I can’t redeem myself from this—yes you can—No I can’t you may be able to forgive me but I won’t be able to forgive myself. Look at your back Y/N! Actually fucking look at it I look like a domestic abuser. It makes me fucking sick!” He snaps. Your heart feels like it’s being ripped right from your chest and dangled infront of you. “Bin I love you I don’t want to break up we can figure things out. We can fix this. My back will heal” you go to grab his hand again “but the trauma from it won’t. Not right away.” He states sadly as he takes a step back. You let out a whimper “please we can work through this I love you. I know you’re going to be disappointed that I want to forgive you. But look at you right now I know you wouldn’t do it again you look like you hate yourself right now. You are beating yourself up already why would I pour salt on that wound I’m sorry but you’re not breaking up with me I’m the one that got hurt I’m the one with the bruise on my back so I’m the one that gets to make this decision and we’re not breaking up.” You see the disappointment on his face “Y/N.—no we’re not breaking up if that’s what you want to say then I don’t want to hear it” you argue placing your hands on your ears. A pout etched onto your lips as you stare at him with tear filled eyes. You shake your head at him. A small sad smile spreads across his lips. “Okay. You win we won’t break up. Im happy you’re quite stubborn and strong willed when it comes to people you love. But I am disappointed you would forgive someone that hurt you physically…” His tone is soft and caring. You feel the anxiety of a break up dwindling as you wrap your arms around Changbins neck placing soft kisses against his cheek. “I love you, you’ll forgive yourself in time with me by your side okay?”

Hyunjin:

“It’s just a sprain. Rest it for 48 hours and take your anti-inflammatory. And keep the splint on for a week or two as it is only a Grade 1 sprain. Come back if the pain gets any worse or if it seems like the swelling isn’t going down.” The doctor informed as he handed you your discharge paperwork. You nod along before making your way out of the hospital. You’re not excited about going home, the drive here was excruciatingly painful but at least your wrist is splinted. You couldn’t believe how Hyunjin reacted. How could he hurt you like that? The thought of the events earlier in the afternoon made you fee nauseous, how could the guy you loved for the past year choose his crazy ‘best friend’ over you? You had allowed Yerim’s antics to go on for too long based on her friendship with Hyunjin. Pulling into your driveway you’re quite pissed to see Hyunjins car still there. Meaning they were both still here. Your blood boiled as you forced yourself out of your car locking it behind you as you make your way to the door. Before you could enter your code into the pad, the door is forced open. You’re greeted with the sight of a disheveled Hyunjin. Tears streaming down his face, his sobs growing worse and worse with the glare you had directed at him. You roll your eyes as you shove past him, seeing his suitcase that was once under your bed now in the living room right beside the couch a complete lack of Yerims presence lingered. “W-wait! Please…” his whimpers between his sniffles as he wipes his face on his sleeves. “Wait for what Hyunjin? You weren’t supposed to be here when I got back remember? It seems your friend knows how to listen properly but you can’t.” You growl your mouth pulled into a harsh line, as you clenched your jaw. “I-I know but how could I just leave? I tried okay? I tried to listen to you I packed my stuff even though I didn’t want to I just—I couldn’t leave knowing you’re hurt. I couldn’t leave knowing that I may never get to see you again and I know it’s selfish but I have to try to fix this. I didn’t know what Yerim said but if it’s anything like what she tried to do then I’m sorry I never realized. I’m sorry I never knew the things Yerim did to you…b-but I do now! I swear I know the truth now and I’m sorry I should have never pushed you I should have listened to what happened.. a-and I would have probably done worse to Yerim if she said the things to me that she said to you.” He cries as he makes his way over to you stopping right infront of you he tries to caress your cheek. You flinch at his action, and a pout forms on his lips as he hesitantly places his hand back at his side “how’d you find out?” You question your eyes finally meeting his “cause there’s a reason I never told you”

His eyebrows scrunch together “does it matter how I found out? And why? Why would never tell me? How long has she been harassing you with that bullshit because that’s what it is. It’s bullshit! I never once slept with her. I never once told her I loved her, she was my best friend and I saw her like a sister and when she tried to throw herself on me when you had left I just lost my shit and realized what was going on.” He explained with tears streaming down his face. A heavy sigh is released from his lips and his current state is enough to send your heart into the morgue. “Jinnie—She was fucking pissed that I supposedly was choosing you over her but she doesn’t realize how many times you probably feel like I chose her over you. You should have told me but that doesn’t excuse what I did to you and I’m so fucking sorry Y/N. I really am, a-and if you let me I’ll make it up to you. Yerim is gone she’s out of my life she means nothing to me if she could try to ruin something that she knows I’ve dedicated myself to. She knew I wanted to marry you. She came with me to pick the ring for when I proposed but in the end even her attempts didn’t ruin anything. You knew she was bullshitting. In the end, I ruined everything but I will fix it. I’ll make it up to you I want to be with you I love you and I’m so fucking sorry” He cut you off dropping to his knees and holding your good hand in both of his “if you forgive me for this it will never happen again. I’m so sorry that I pushed you. I’m so sorry I let my anger get the better of me because you are right I heard her tell you those things and I heard you defend me and I don’t know I couldn’t think and I got mad. But if it makes you feel any better I pushed her too probably a lot worse than I pushed you and I told her I want nothing to do with her anymore I think she got the message cause she slapped the shit out of me and left” you’re eyes widen at his confession your hand instinctively lifting his face inspecting his cheek seeing the fading red mark. “I’ll fucking kill her she did what?!” You growl “she hit you?” You rush past him grabbing your keys only to be halted by Hyunjin grabbing your hand “it’s fine I deserved it for what I did to you” he comforts, your eyebrows raise “yeah and if anyone deserves to hit you it’d be me not her and I didn’t nor would I want to hit you let alone allow some slut to do the same thing to MY boyfriend. Don’t try to stop me cause I’m going to fuck her up Hyunjin” you notice the way his face lit up “Am I?” You shake your head at him in confusion “are you what?” He bites his lip as he stared at the ground “Am I still your boyfriend? What I did was really really bad…and I don’t feel like I deserve to call myself that anymore since you told me to leave” you look at him feeling a little guilty, whilst you did indeed tell him to pack his shit and leave you are kind of relieved he didn’t listen. While you didn’t enjoy the fact that he pushed you, his loyalty and the love he has for the people around him is what drew you to him in the first place. If Yerim wasn’t such a bitch and didn’t antagonize the issue then this wouldn’t have happened and yes, while he shouldn’t have pushed you he thought he was protecting his childhood friend.

“I’d like to think you still are…I-if you still want to be—more than anything I want to be your boyfriend more than I want to be an idol at this very moment” he cuts you off looking at you with hope. You bite your bottom lip and wrap your arms around his neck. You hear a sigh of relief release from his throat as he holds you against him as if you’d disappear when he let go. “Thank god….I love you so much I’m so sorry you won’t regret this I promise” he cries as he buries his face in your neck. You smile slightly pulling your head back to look at your sad puppy of a boyfriend pressing your lips against his. He kisses you passionately before you pull away “But if I ever see Yerim it’s on sight. She doesn’t have the right to put her hands on you just for rejecting her. She’s going to get her ass whooped and you won’t be able to stop me…”

[suzukiblu]

WIP excerpt behind the cut; "grief-soup clonebaby". (( chrono || non-chrono ))

“No!” the kid’s–the–the kid’s three selves all shout in unison, whipping around to make three different faces at him. Tim stares at them, not–“That’s dumb. Like you’re dumb. Super, super super-dumb. I got a real name.” 

“You–want a name?” Tim asks, and swallows again. What is he even supposed to–to call them, then, if they want a– 

“I got a name,” one of the kids says dubiously, and one of the others rolls their eyes, and the third one puts their hands on their hips and sticks out their tongue at him again. “Duh.” 

“You . . . do?” Tim–blinks, immediately thrown off. “Where did you . . . ?” 

“I’m not stupid, stupid,” the third kid says in exasperation. "I know how names work.” 

Tim . . . blinks, again, and swallows again, senselessly, and . . . 

Kon had never named himself. He–hadn’t thought it’d count, maybe, or maybe he’d thought it would’ve been pathetic or embarrassing, or maybe he just really genuinely hadn’t known how, so he’d–so he’d never– 

But the kid did, apparently. Tim doesn’t . . . Tim doesn’t know how he feels about that, still, but whatever it is, it fucking hurts. 

And whatever it is, it’s more about Kon than it is about the kid, shitty as that is of him. 

“You picked your own name?” he asks carefully, his voice a little tight in his throat; a little painful. 

“Duh,” the first kid says again, the other two briefly scuffling with each other on the ceiling behind them, for . . . some reason, Tim assumes. Probably. Maybe. “I thought maybe I'd be ‘Robin’ ‘cuz you suck at Robin-ing so you shouldn’t be it anyway and Steph was Robin but I don’t wanna be a bird or a plane and I thought maybe ‘Suzie’ ‘cuz Greta’s not using it anymore since she’s not dead anymore but I’m made of dead people and I like the ‘eee’ at the end, but I don’t like the ‘ooo’ in the middle, so Rallie.” 

“. . . ‘Rallie’?” Tim repeats, briefly distracted from his still-simmering panic attack and nausea-inducing levels of disappointment. He would’ve expected–well, “Robin” and “Suzie” both have a logic he could follow even before the kid started prattling on about said logic, if not one literally anyone older than ten would ever actually use, but where in hell did they get “Rallie”? 

“I don’t like ‘Ralph’ but Cissie said it was a good one but also she was fake VR Cissie anyway but I think probably the real one said it first ‘cuz you were tryin’ to make me think I was Kon and I still like the “eee” at the end so I like Rallie, Rallie sounds good,” the second kid says reasonably, popping their head up from their wrestled two-out-of-three tangle. 

“So I’m Rallie,” the third agrees, popping up too. “Eeeeeeeee.” 

“. . . ah,” Tim says. Well . . . that’s technically also logic, he guesses. Still little-kid logic, but . . . logic. Or at least, well–reasons.

And at least he isn’t going to have to call them anything that’ll cut him to call anyone who isn’t–

And then Tim very suddenly realizes something that he really should’ve realized right away, which is definitely proof of just how upset he is right now, because–

“Wait,” he says, his shoulders stiffening. That’s not–he didn’t–“I was trying to make you think–how do you know about Steph and Bart?” 

He didn’t tell them they weren’t Kon, and he definitely didn’t tell them he used Steph and Bart’s DNA to stabilize the blend of Superman and Luthor’s that he made them from. How would they–how did they find out that information, and how the hell did they figure out how to access the Speed Force when they shouldn’t even have known that was an option for them, much less an option that should’ve been possible for them, when– 

“I can read,” Rallie says, making a face at him again. “An’ you didn’t even lock your dumb computers that good. I just did all the numbers until I got the right one.” 

“Every terminal is a randomized eighteen-digit pin number,” Tim says a little incredulously. Which–admittedly just using numbers and not including mixed-case letters and special characters is not ideal cybersecurity, but–“That would take six years to brute-force crack. Each.” 

“Yeah,” Rallie says. 

“. . . did you just . . . try every combination you could think of?” Tim asks, still feeling a little distant and–disconnected, maybe. 

“Yeah,” Rallie says. Tim can’t imagine how the kid not only did that but did that without getting bored for–however long it took, subjectively. 

“But you accessed the Speed Force before that,” he says, and Rallie rolls all three sets of their eyes. 

“You put me in your dumb VR,” they say. “An’ you ran all your dumb VR on your same dumb computers that weren’t even locked that good. So I went in them instead.” 

“. . . what?” Tim says. A couple of Rallie stick their tongues out at him; the third one just looks dubious. 

“So I read all your stuff before I came out, dummy,” they say. “So then I knew ‘bout Steph an’ Bart an’ the Speed Force an’ I could fix myself so I could use it right an’ look better an’ everything. Duh.” 

Oh, okay. That is actually even worse than what he thought had happened, Tim realizes distantly. That shouldn’t even have been . . . that couldn’t even have been possible. 

Could it? 

“You’re not even the world’s third-greatest detective,” Rallie informs him scornfully, as apparent proof that it was, and then all three of them snap back together into one solid body again and they fall off the ceiling with a too-perfect twist and land on their feet on top of the computer terminals with a performer’s flourish. 

Tim didn’t teach Experiment 103 gymnastics either. But if Rallie got into the computer system, somehow . . . 

How far did they get into the computer system? 

And did they figure out how to use it to get into any other computer systems? 

Oracle helped him build the programs that he recreated to build this system. Oracle gave him some of the programs he recreated for this system, even. If Rallie had access to those and however long they had in subjective time while they were growing and any idea how to figure any of them out . . . 

“Rallie,” Tim asks very slowly. “How long did you spend reading my . . . stuff?”

“I dunno,” Rallie says with a shrug, walking backwards across the computer terminals like they’re on a balance beam and then doing a too-perfect back walkover. “A while. Then I got bored and came out instead and then you took like eighty-four years and four months and seven hours and sixteen minutes and twelve seconds to get back and I got real bored so I went back in and read some other stuff and then I got bored again so yeah. Also I peeked upstairs but nobody was there so that was boring too so I just ate the fridge and played in the training room and read all their stuff and then I came back and read the rest of your stuff. And stuff. I'm not Kon but I found that sour squishy candy stuff he liked that somebody left in the pantry and your dumb VR was right, that's super good, but the waffles were only okay."

Tim feels nauseous.

[asarigg]

Inside the Character's Mind: Part 1

mentions of physical, psychological and sexual abuse towards both Koujaku and his mother

SELF DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR

Let’s go back to the beginning. Or rather, what Koujaku tells us. He also talks about himself, of course, but usually when he talks about his past, most of the time he talks about his mother: because that’s what hurts him the most. He barely mentions the abuse towards him other than the tattoo and that one time his father punched him. But he always talks about all the hardships that his family put his mother through. And I’m sure you’ll agree with me that it is hard to believe that was it.

Koujaku’s father has proven to be an extremely violent piece of shit and a zero-empathetic person. I don’t doubt that Koujaku’s mother, because of her nature, was his favorite toy. What’s more, he did every cruel thing he could think of to her, his wife too, she had fresh wounds every day and she couldn’t even eat, and although it isn’t said nor implied I wouldn’t be surprised if Koujaku was a product of rape. I mean… most likely. We hardly know anything about his mother, not her appearance, not her name, not what she liked, not how the hell she ended up in that place, if there was any love involved in it or if it was something about debt, we only know that she was the perfect victim.

She was always saying sorry to her son, for everything Koujaku’s been witnessing, she feels guilty and responsible because he tries to stand up for her, and because she has brought him to a world where the one that decides for them is a criminal. She keeps a deep pain inside for everything that’s happening and she tries to hide it, especially from Koujaku, and seeing her son suffer doesn’t help. Smiling to him so he doesn’t worry, and saying sorry to try to comfort him. That’s why the last thing she repeats over and over to her son when she’s lethally wounded is “I’m sorry”, feeling sorry that it’s because of her that he has lived like this, because she wasn’t able to protect him, to give him a proper life.

Obviously all his father did was also psychological abuse towards Koujaku, even blackmailing him with hurting his mother. But I sincerely believe that his father would use physical abuse to teach the boy a lesson, nothing could stop him anyway, because Koujaku as a child complained and rebelled, he didn’t care if his father hit him, he would defend his mother regardless. This is why I sometimes give Koujaku more scars to his body, and besides defensive cuts I also give him cigarette burn marks. Lore expansion better known as adding trauma.

I think he just doesn’t talk about it that much because the abuse towards him isn’t what has hurt him the most. We ourselves often don’t give it much importance if someone tries to insult us, but maybe if it’s someone close to us, that does piss us off, some logic like that. Moreover, throughout the game Koujaku’s personality is just like that, always worrying about others and giving little importance to himself, to the point of being tremendously negative for him.

Don’t you think those scars would make him look more masculine, intimidating, as if he’s survived dozens of dangerous, tough fights? It seems the perfect image for an environment like organized crime.

Despite all of Koujaku’s feminine traits, the perception of him both in canon and in fandom (usually) is that of a stereotypically masculine, super straight man who fucks a different woman every night, always joking with “no homo, bro” (which, mind you, I’m not saying I don’t like these jokes, I make them myself too). But in reality that couldn't be further from the truth.

With that image that we have of him, sometimes it would seem that he is someone with prejudices or that he really had a hard time accepting that he’s not straight, specially when in the scene where he confesses to Aoba he says the following:

The reasons he tries to hide his feelings is a mix between the fact that they are friends and he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship they already have, that he wants to hide his past and that he doesn’t want to be a burden on Aoba, so he keeps all those things to himself. (And he’s also been educated a certain way and has always seen things one way, never gave it much thought so when it crosses his mind, of course he’s confused)

When he first met Aoba he thought he was a girl because he had really long hair, and after all, when we’re kids we don’t have very developed features anyway, it’s a pretty androgynous state. When Aoba corrects him and tells him he’s a boy his behavior is exactly the same, nothing changes. He corrects himself and never treats him as a girl.

He is someone who has no problem showing his affection for Aoba, neither in private nor in public, he’s very comfortable with his bisexuality, the only one who is reluctant to do so, either out of shame or fear, is Aoba.

What I’m trying to get at with all this is that all that “gentleman” facade and the “always accepting women who want to have something with him” that makes him look so stereotypical in a first impression has a much darker origin, although underneath all that there’s a much more sentimental, vulnerable and open Koujaku about his true feelings, expressing them even if he feels embarrassed, as we see on some occasions (touching his hair nervously when he confesses, of when he explains why Aoba's hair is so important to him).

The relationship he has with his mother is the most direct connection, or course. Being the son of an abused woman has made him hyper-aware of his position as a man (so much that sexism in this game almost goes full circle like the Bourbon family tree, but this is NC’s problem and it happens everywhere, it’s so obvious it’s a writers problem and it’s a shame it affects Koujaku so much because he’s basically the only one who isn’t scared of a bad bitch). We’ll talk about this in particular some more later, but let’s focus on what concerns his father for now.

Being the family of criminals that they are, abusers and… almost slavers, the most logical thing to assume is that they are specially conservative. It could very well be that his father, once he decided to make him his heir, wanted the image of his kid to be as intimidating and masculine as possible. A criminal, a murderer who could run his business in a world like this.

We know that the tattoo is an experiment by Toue, and it wouldn’t be strange if his father knew what was behind it, because after all it would also be beneficial for him to have a way to control him, to mold him to his liking and to make him obedient, unlike he had been behaving, refusing to be his heir and trying to defend his mother. The image of an effeminate, soft, sissy man was not exactly ideal for the future leader. For me, Koujaku’s father either already intended to name him heir before agreeing to the tattoo being an experiment with Toue and Ryuuhou, or he ended up deciding to name him the heir precisely because they had already talked about the tattoo and its possibilities beforehand.

His father would want to break him, drive him to despair so that he would stop resisting, take away his will and, although this is mostly headcanon, “make him a man”. Be a man, be strong, tenacious, learn to fight and find a woman to continue the family with, etc. So it is not surprising that at first he didn’t even reconsider his sexuality and thought that the affection he had for Aoba was just friendship, which over time, with such strong feelings, he realized was not the case. I sincerely love that he is shown to be so nervous and that he confesses to be kinda confused about it and in a state of denial, without having any external reference and too busy hating his father and Ryuuhou to even think about it, it’s normal that it took him so long.

He was trained to be a gangster, while his father insulted him, hit him and threatened him using his mother, on whom he took it out. This training also implies not only fighting but also for doing business, how to talk to be well-received, how to negotiate, how to give the best impression of himself at any given situation. This pack of skills seem to resonate with those that he uses to flirt and run his own business, even if he does it on an unconscious level, he just knows what to say to strike the person he’s talking to in their weak spots. His father’s physical treatment would not only be a punishment, but also to teach him a lesson, to learn to endure the pain, just like he endured the pain of the tattoo. If he cried, it would be shameful, he would be punished. He had to hide his pain, his feelings, his thoughts, for the sake of his mother’s safety and his own. Practically becoming a puppet, thus evolving into the life he carries in Midorijima as an adult.

Him not wanting to open up to Aoba wouldn’t be just an “oh he’s going to hate me”. It’s also what he learned would be the best, having a charismatic appearance that everyone likes. After all wouldn’t it be logical to not want any confrontation with anyone after all that? A tough guy, with people around him who admire him, who never gets tired or cries, because nothing’s wrong. In a way it’s also a shield, a protection, a defense mechanism. To be a man.

Now, the way he behaves that almost everyone without exception associates with his mother. And this, for sure, is the intention, his desire to protect his mother and therefore take care of the women he meets. But it’s also him actively wanting to be the opposite of his father.

What kind of relationship does he have with women? The contact he has with them is mostly through all his female fans, who are crazy to say the least. We’re not going to get much into the subject of sexism but first of all it’s a huge mistake that his fans are only young women or the way they make them all act.

Koujaku spends all his time building a character that he considers perfect, someone gentle, who never says no to a woman and is always available to entertain them, it would never occur to him to deny anything to any of them, as his mother was denied so many things. Unlike that hard and tenacious masculinity that he was taught to have in order to take on his role as the heir or the bestiality of his tattoo, he presents a gentle and chivalrous masculinity on the outside. What he does is pamper them and give them everything they ask for (almost, because has never really had serious relationships. Which makes sense because he would be telling them pretty big lies, right? That wouldn’t fit with his own code). He doesn’t think very highly of himself, he has a low self-esteem as he thinks he is nothing better than a worthless monster that should have probably died a long time ago.

Sometimes people who are abused go through abuse again, in a cycle. I think saying that Koujaku is a playboy is incorrect. (He acts flirty and likes playing around, sure, but there’s something deeper). That perception of him is natural, of course, because the way he behaves and how he is presented to you, is the image they want to give of him after all, in a basic and cliche way, so artificial that it is unsettling. I could believe that it sounds artificial on purpose, referring to that shell of how a confident and strong man should talk, if it weren’t for the fact that they do this kind of cliche and artificial situations quite often with other characters as well, and it makes it kinda hard to remain immersed. I honestly think that the foreshadowing could have been done a little better, but it still serves the narrative. Also this is practically almost all you see of his character the two first interactions he has with Aoba. Considering the structure of the game and how rushed everything is, it’s not very positive, but for the sake of your mental health it's better not to think too much about it.

In short, Koujaku is a very accommodating and attentive person. He listens and encourages others with their problems but doesn’t let anyone worry about him with his own, taking on everything himself. He even ironically tells Aoba that if he’s worried about what happened with Mizuki, he can blame him, and that he can always count on him to tell him anything. It’s a very lonely way to live, even though he has so many people around him.

Knowing this, it’s more than reasonable to think that more than him flirting with women, it’s simply him agreeing to give what those women ask of him. They come looking for something and he gives it to them. He’s a toy. It’s often joked that he’s practically a prostitute, and pretty much that’s what it is. And it’s in the balcony scene where we see a more personal side of him, where we can observe that in reality all this burden tires him, it’s not natural. It’s not like his character isn’t extroverted and charismatic, but that’s not everything, and in public he doesn’t allow himself to be “less”, so in private and in confidence is when he can afford to relax, with Aoba or in his own house.

Somehow, even though he is no longer with his family, the way he interacts with other people, or how he lets himself be used, be it consciously or not, even if there is a different intention behind, is not that different from before, people still use him.

BODY FOR SALE (child sexual abuse)

I’ve sometimes wondered if there was some sort of sexual abuse on Ryuuhou’s part towards Koujaku. Nothing is implied canonically, at least physically, but the erotic connotations of the story of the tattoo artist he’s based on, the sadism, the drugging in order to do something non-consensually, and his constant references to love make me think of it happening on a symbolic level. I think it’s obvious that Ryuuhou loves Koujaku, in his own way, as his creation, and he’s talking about love at first sight and the similarity of love and hate. Besides, the way Koujaku acts can be easily associated with it.

Even though he appears to be charming and flirty, he actually has a very low self-esteem, seeing himself as worthless, dirty, and constantly self-blaming for what happened. His tattoo being his shame and filth, something he doesn’t want to taint Aoba with, works just as an allegory of victims so commonly feeling guilty and dirty (causing them to. He shows unconformity when Aoba wants to touch him in bed (something that with time and the support of a loved one gets a little better), and when he tries to touch and wash away his dirt, his shame, his tattoo, Koujaku jumps at contact, which could also be interpreted as having a flashback or part of his ptsd.

All the anger he feels inside could also be part of the consequences. He mostly shows his hatred towards Ryuuhou, even though his father is supposedly still alive and was the one who did the most damage to them, especially his mother, whom he cared about the most. At the end of the day Ryuuhou “just” did the tattoo and his father has been treating them like that for years. So why does he tunnel all his rage only to him? Budget and time limit reasons? Maybe, but in this essay we’re not taking that. Obviously Ryuuhou was the one that made him lose it, torturing him ever since the beginning only to anger him, ultimately causing the death of his mother. But it can also be read as the response Koujaku had to a possible abuse. Ryuuhou took advantage of his situation, to stop him from resisting he could always use his mother. We’ve already seen Ryuuhou being referenced as male and Koujaku as the female counterpart, being lovers and enemies at the same time, with the female being associated with the powerless, abused victim, submissive, and being controlled by the male, as disgusting as it sounds. Ever since he was tattooed his body did not belong to him anymore, Ryuuhou made sure to mark his body and mind so that he could never forget him. He could have found refuge in his religious practices as well.

There’s always stigma around these cases, and the stigma around male victims makes it especially harder for them to speak about what happened to them. That sense of powerlessness, of losing control, of being less of a man, causing them having trouble with their identity, all of it is wrapped in toxic masculinity. All of this is seen in Koujaku. He keeps all his feelings for himself, feeling distant from other people and engaging in a lonely way of life.

There are people that report having trouble with their relationships with others not only because of the trauma that happened to them, but also out of fear of doing that very same thing to someone else.

This traumatic event usually makes victims apprehensive of any sexual activity, but there’s a considerable large number of victims that, opposite to this, develop hypersexuality. Sexuality is more important to Koujaku than it may seem at first, he sees his body as a tool for the pleasure of others, meanwhile his own pleasure is not important. He developed an unhealthy way of interacting with others, therefore he developed unhealthy sexual practices. This view of him being sort of a prostitute isn’t so far away, Flame Willow, the part of Platinum Jail they end in, pretty much looks like a red light district. It’s introduced as a palace for “passionate folks to get their thrills”, an euphemism.

He also smokes and drinks, which are not talked about a lot as an addiction to cope with his pain. In the Drama CD though they do talk about it as a way to escape the stress he’s facing because of the Tamaokuri, so we can assume that he uses these two and possibly developed an addiction, wanting to drink until blacking out to forget for a moment.

Even if the sexual abuse didn’t happen canonically, the metaphor is as close as it can be, so it’s in your hands how you want to see it. Even if it’s hard to talk about something like this, I really like how this was built, because something that isn’t sexual abuse (at least canonically, and I wonder if the allegory was intentional or not) actually feels like it, something that changed a person’s entire life, his perception of himself and the people he interacts with, an event with an actual weight, something I missed from literally any actual SA scene that we got in the rest of the game.

[blue-jisungs]

complete opposite

author's note. here it goes,, finally finished it after having it rot in my drafts for a month grrrrr … also, this one is for the biggest joshu stans i know, @fairyhaos and @slytherinshua <3

summary. you get scared of how joshua will react to bad news, joshua gets scared of how you’re acting… turns out is all a complete opposite of the other one was thinking

genre. fluff but also kinda angst? hurt to comfort me thinks

word count. 2269 hehe

warnings. swearing, mention of throwing up, feeling sick, having intimate relations with joshua but nothing explicit!! reader is overthinking a lot :(

heart thumping in your chest, you stared at your friend in disbelief. rina squeezed your hand and tucked a hair that has fallen on your face.

“i’ll drive you home, okay?” she hummed and stood up, placing a peck on your forehead “stay here”

you nodded weakily, your stomach going crazy. you watched her silhouette disappear and massaged your temples.

when you woke up today, joshua was already gone. he texted you good morning and informed that he’ll probably come home late at night. but then you felt unwell. ignoring it, you decided to eat breakfast and go to work.

which was a mistake. you barely arrived and already run to the toilet, returning your stomach’s contents. rina was already here so she helped you, handing you some water and meds. just when you thought you’re fine, mid-convo with a customer you turned pale again and your stomach was making turns and somersaults.

you bet it was the fish you ate yesterday. you were out with joshu to some kind of a fancy restaurant. lately you’ve been craving fish so you decided, why not. well apparently it wasn’t a great idea.

“okay, let’s go. just please try not to vomit all over my car” rina giggled and helped you stand up. you felt weak, beads of sweat forming on your forehead. rina bit her lip and led you to her car. “i need to pick up one thing on the way but maybe try taking a nap? should i call your boyfriend?”

“no, no. he’s really busy today” you sighed, secretly wishing he’d be there for you.

in no time you were home, rina walking you to the door. suddenly she handed you a few boxes of… pregnancy tests.

“what…” you laughed, looking at her shocked.

“you… look, i need to go back to work but my sister was pregnant a while ago. and her symptoms were similar. and your period is running late, isn’t it? you still haven’t eaten the chocolate from the cabinet at work” rina said softly, looking at your widened eyes “just… make sure. and call me, okay? if you feel worse or better, doesn’t matter. i’ll pick up whenever i can”

“i… you’re being a bit dramatic with the tests. but thank you. i owe you” you smiled. she nodded and gave you a quick hug before rushing back to work.

you entered your and joshua’s apartment, heart wild in your chest. sure, your period was late. but… no, that’s not right.

feeling a unpleasant sensation bubbling up in your throat once again, head spinning, you ran to the bathroom. throwing the boxes on the counter you accidentally knocked some things over. you knelt down and for another time this day, threw up.

taking deep breaths you weakly grabbed the pink box. scanning the stupid imagine of a stupid woman with a stupid baby bump you decided to try. what’s the worse thing that could happen anyways. you’re not pregnant, it’s just the fish. you and joshua always use protection and you’re always safe. right?

you paced around the bathroom, nervously putting away stuff in different places while waiting for the outcome. it’s not it. can’t be. logically – can’t be. physically–

you peeked at the stick.

two lines.

“fuck”

your heart thumped in your chest, ready to rip out from your rib cage and go for a walk. or jog.

“no, it’s not right…”

you spent half of the day testing the other pregnancy tests. because what if it’s just a malfunction? or if one brand has two lines for positive and the other for negative? you had to be sure.

and sure you were when all of them turned out to be positive.

your bathroom looked like war zone, everything turned upside down all over the place.

walking into the kitchen on wobbly legs, your head felt like it was about to explode.

you’re pregnant.

joshua is going to kill you. well, no. not really. but it will kill him.

you never talked about it. sure, he said he wanted to marry you one day but… but he’s an idol. he’s busy. maybe he doesn’t even want kids?

when some rumours floated around about your relationship… it killed him. some carats went crazy, not in a positive way. joshua was really going through it and now… relationship is not as a big of a problem as pregnancy. oh my god, carats are going to kill you. and the baby.

you don’t want to ruin his career. he worked so hard and loved what he did and now… now it’s about to fall apart like a house of cards triggered by a slight gust of wind.

tears dwelled in your eyes, throat tightening. joshua will hate you, that’s for sure. yes, he loved you but a kid… those are different circumstances, choices… way of living.

he will hate you and dump you. that’s for sure.

unless… unless you do it first.

no.

be rational.

he won’t, right?

the room felt like it was about to swallow you. all the pictures with joshua, your joshu. his ebony irises that you loved oh so much stared at you from the pictures. as if judging you.

you had to get out from here.

rushing to the bathroom, you tore all the boxes with the tests and flushed them down the toilet. then you threw all the tests into a plastic bag and then hid them under the sink. joshua never looks there. like that one time when you spent all day looking for something you lost and–

stop.

you took the keys and stormed out of your apartment, the need of fresh air almost suffocating you. you’ll be back before he gets home.

joshua pushed the door open, limbs feeling as if ready to fall apart any second. he just dreamed about changing his pyjamas and falling asleep in your arms.

it was late so he figured he won’t announce he’s here, like he always does. leaving his bag by the entrance, joshua stretched lazily.

he entered the bedroom and halted. the bed was empty.

“that’s weird…” he mumbled. maybe you’re in the bathroom? joshua grabbed his pyjama and decided to go check the bathroom.

if he was surprised that you weren’t in the bedroom, the bathroom left him speechless.

not only you weren’t there, like he thought you’d be. the room looked like a tornado passed through it.

everything was scattered around, as if knocked over; all over the place.

“y/n?” joshua called out, dropping the pyjamas. rushing to get his back to grab his phone, his throat went dry. it’s almost midnight and you’re not home. if you were going out with your girl friends, he’d know. he wouldn’t forget. so why you’re not home?

dialling your number, he noticed there’s no texts from you either. which was concerning too… you’d text him if you were going out somewhere. especially at this hour. and considering how cold it was…

the silence in the house was frightening. joshua didn’t like this one bit. suddenly he heard buzzing and his heart came up to his throat. your phone is home.

you left without taking your phone…?

joshua ran his hand through his hair. he has to stay calm.

he gulped and called your best friend from work. it was dumb, especially at this hour. but rina picked up immediately, even though voice w bit raspy and tired.

“hi joshua. is everything alright with y/n? i’ve been worried sick for the whole day–“ her voice was almost desperate for an answer.

“there was something wrong? i just came home and she’s not here… and, and she didn’t take her phone– i don’t know what’s happening” joshua whispered, feeling how his stomach drops.

“fuck”

“okay… okay… let’s stay calm. she… maybe she went to get some groceries?” rina breathed out “fuck, i shouldn’t leave her alone. is my fault… i…”

“hey, no, don’t say that. what even happened?” joshua asked and switched the light on. he’ll wait until you’re back. rina hesitated – if it was what she thinks it is, she doesn’t want to be the one passing the news.

“she felt unwell at work… and i drove her home but i had to go back… i should’ve stayed with her” rina mumbled.

suddenly there was a soft click of the door opening. joshua jolted, eyes turning into that direction.

you appeared in the doorway, your face catching his gaze. you were crying.

“rina, she’s here. don’t need to worry” he spoke softly. joshua noticed how scared you look. scared, tired and… guilty

“oh thank god. warn her that i’ll whoop her ass in work tomorrow” your grind let out a nervous laugh but she certainly sounded relieved “good night”

“good night” joshua whispered and hang up.

the silence was speaking volumes.

you slowly took off your shoes and sighed. opening your mouth to say something and then closing them again.

“if you wanted to go out, you should’ve taken a jacket” he said softly; there was no poisoned sarcasm in his voice, only genuine worry. you nodded weakly and played with your fingers.

“i…” your voice broke, eyes avoiding his.

joshua stood up and started boiling some water to mar you tea. you sat down on the couch, putting your bag close to you; hands gripping your knees.

for a moment it was peaceful, as if the world wasn’t about to fall apart in mere moments. just you, joshua and the sounds of boiling water.

in no time he returned, placing the cup on the table. then he looked at you, anxiety filling his heart.

“did something happen?” joshua asked. for the first time in ages he was unsure what to do. should he hold your hand? you didn’t look like you wanted to but on the other hand…

you shook your head gently, tears gathering at the edge of your waterline. your throat went dry and you felt like you weren’t able to physically speak out.

“i saw the bathroom, it looks like a mess. you scared me” he let out a soft chuckle, scanning your reaction.

nothing.

your fingers traced shapes absentmindedly on your knee, eyes distant.

“angel?” he asked, concern growing in his voice. only after you took a deep breather and let it out as a shaky sigh, you started. now or never.

“you’ll hate me” you mumbled and were met with a scoff. scared, you looked up at him. joshua was smiling softly, unaware of what he was about to learn.

“y/nnie, i’d never hate you” the smile wrinkles that you loved so much appeared around his eyes. your lip quivered and you looked away

“you will. i’m so… i’m sorry joshua” your voice cracked “i ruined your career”

“what are you talking about, silly?” joshua laughed nervously.

you just shook your head, tears beginning to roll down your cheeks. in a blink of an eye you started harshly sobbing, breathing getting hard to breathe.

joshua rushed and hugged you tightly, petting your hair. even though he hated that such thought crossed his mind, he couldn’t help but wonder what did you mean: did you cheat–

“i’m so fucking sorry” you whined, pulling away from him. then you reached to your bag and turned it upside down, causing its content to fall on the couch.

“what do you…” joshua’s voice died in his throat, your crying only getting more intense when you saw his reaction.

he reached to grab one of the white and pink sticks. two red lines.

then he looked at another one. two red lines.

the other one he grabbed has a blue plus drawn.

rummaging through all of them, mouth agape, he felt as if knocked the air out of his lungs.

no, not because you were pregnant (well, this too). because of your reaction. you thought he’ll hate you? that you ruined his career? that…

“oh y/n” his voice broke, grabbing your face in his hands. your quivering lip and wet eyelashes made his heart clench but it was hard for him to resist a smile “how could i… i’m…”

“i’m sorry! we never really talked about this before and… and i know that we’re not that young but your career is blooming and… and–“ you mumbled, voice becoming whiny and hard to control. why is he smiling, by the way…?

“y/n, please take a breath, okay?” he asked gently, caressing your wet cheeks “i would never have thought that… you’re going to panic thinking about my reaction”

you took a deep breath and blinked slowly. why; why in hell he’s so calm?! isn’t he going to–

“i’m going to be a father” he breathed out, his own eyes tearing up too “and you’ll be the mother, y/n. that’s… that’s something i could never dream of but i also always wanted…”

“w-what?” you asked and he shook his head, grinning with pearly tears blinking at the edge of his waterline.

“i love you so so much. i’m… speechless. and above all, so… so happy” he sniffled.

his reaction was… complete opposite of what you thought it would be. you felt as if a huge stone just dropped from your heart, relief washing over you. suddenly you put your hands on top of his and pulled him into a kiss.

lips connected and tears falling down your cheeks, joshua felt like all of this was unreal. pulling away, he rested his forehead against yours.

“i’ll be a dad” a faint whisper left his mouth as you wiped his cheek with a loving smile.

masterlist <3

taglist. @mirxzii ,, @primoppang ,, @l3visbby ,, @nicholasluvbot ,, @planetkiimchi ,, @weird-bookworm ,, @slytherinshua ,, @jiwuu ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @dazzlingligth

[sincerelyverena]

pls pls pls charles x short!alive!reader? established relationship, maybe just some fluffy moments between the two?

⟡⁺ THE GHOST OF YOU

tysm for the req, anon! 💞💞 ive thoroughly enjoyed my return here, n now the story is yours n i hoped u enjoyed it as much as i loved writing it <3 special shoutout to my dbd betareaders, i love and appreciate all of u sm!

. . . CHARLES ROWLAND X GN!READER ‘think i like you best when you're just with me and no one else.’ @andforthecoating

inbox is always open for requests!

in whichꕀ

✦ ﹒you love him. and he loves you too. a story as simple as that.

tagsꕀ

✦ ﹒fluff ﹐short!reader﹐alive!reader ﹐established relationship ﹐im still getting a feel for charles character so go easy on me pls ﹐havent written non-smut in a long LONG time

THANK YOU TO MY WONDERFUL BETA READERS: @love-xoxojules﹐@immortal101 ﹐@fadedpictures91 ﹐@charles-rxwlands﹐ @kidbiscuitt @smallestgremlin

Falling in love with a ghost wasn’t on the cards for you, until you met Charles Rowland.

The supernatural had haunted you since you were a small child, being the victim of a near-death experience isn’t easy on any youngling. Especially you. The consequences of viewing these seemingly mythological creatures took years of patience and silent work to endure, more so, because nobody would ever believe you if you told them you saw ghosts. How ghastly.

And as a young child, you couldn’t imagine that decades into the future, you’d be laid between the arms of one. Two bronzed columns that supported the minuscule length of your torso. And for a ghost? Charles is oddly warm. Or maybe that’s you warming up to your idea of your body heat, marinating in the crisp sheets of your bed. A sanctuary the two of you now shared, together.

But it was nice to think that it was Charles too. He was the reason why you felt comfortable and protected after all. In a world of witchcraft, warlocks, dangers, and death Charles was your home.

A pair of bow-turned lips place themselves against your temple, assisting you in drifting out of sleep. Charles murmurs against the surface of your skin, planting scattered kisses along the top of your head in the process. ‘Dove, we’re meeting Crystal for coffee, remember?’

Charles’s gently mustered words are enough to serenade a response out of your sleepy self. You murmur incoherent words, flipping yourself over so that when you inch your eyes open, they can delight in your boyfriend’s beauty.

His ebony-clad curls are fluffed to perfection atop his head, not a hint of bed-head in sight, which you consider impressive before you remember that Charles mostly spent the night just watching you. As if nothing else in the world matters. You extend a hand to the defined curve of his jaw, practically guiding his lips toward your own. They lock together in familiarity, and nothing but pure, honeyed ecstasy buzzes throughout you. This is better than coffee, better than anything. Charles tasted like heaven, hell, and everything in between.

And as you two separated, Charles beamed down at you with something indescribable bouncing around in his whiskey eyes.  ‘I think a sleep-in wouldn’t hurt, now, would it?’ Rising to the day seems like the logical option. Something that barely crosses your mind for a second before you fall captive to those bronzed arms, weaving around the hitch of your waist. And before you know it, you discover yourself half-tossed atop the ghost you had fallen for. The tall length of his legs tangled with your own. And any responsible, adult-like thought dissolved as your lips crashed together. Something oh-so-destructible yet perfect, how could you say no?

And possibly, that perfect destruction is always the reason why you both are considered late to possibly anything imaginable. If Edwin found himself in the depths of the fiery circles of hell again, the entire group would bet that you and Charles would take an eternity to part before he’d get rescued. It’d be more beneficial for Edwin to smuggle out himself.

‘We’re going to be awfully late, angel.’

‘Maybe because you keep distracting me.’

‘Nonsense, I’m brills and can do no wrong.’

You tear your eyes away from your reflection in the mirror before you. You scrutinise Charles with a disbelieving gaze at his words, which shortly dissolve into nothing less than adoration. Nevertheless, you continued to feign annoyance as you combed a single hand through your hair and down your scalp. Fingers adjusting the little strands to suit your desire for tidiness. 

You abandon this aspiration, pivoting upon your heel. The mask of annoyance you pertain slips away into nothingness as a soft laugh escapes you amid your words. Facing your boyfriend, you slip a hand into his own.

‘You’re lucky that I love you.’ 

'I am so very lucky.'

Charles’ adjusted his position as he moved his lips from the curve of your forehead, toward the curve of your lips. There was something passionate about how the deep onyx of hues sparked with something even deeper. Something warm and honeyed, indescribable. And before you could even decipher what it was you could feel the honeyed taste of him upon your lips, Charles scooped you up and threw you over his shoulder.

His arm relented against the small of your back, even as you holler out empty threats and meaningless curses amid your laughter. This merely prompted Charles to bounce you atop his shoulder blade, a chuckle of his own heard as you huffed and puffed. Nevertheless, you would refuse to admit that the action of soft intimacy made you feel over the moon with exhilaration.

A curse of Charles’s own accompanied your laughter as he was a breath away from the side of his torso slamming into the doorway he attempted to parade you through, which frankly made you laugh harder.

‘You’re such a dick.’ You managed to wheeze out.

‘I think you may be right about that one.’

Charles’s voice sounded with a tinge of mischief, which crept, announced in his tone. You could almost hear the grin in his voice as he articulated his words, even through your limited peripheral vision as you were held captive in his arms.

‘You love it, though.’

The Charles-like cockiness your boyfriend presented caused you to blow out a breath of feigned exasperation. Yet, unbeknownst to him, the slow ghost of a smile proceeded to creep onto your lips. Especially as he continued to balance you upon the bridge of his broadened shoulder, for a hint of dramatics, of course. Because you did love it.

And as the two of you ventured toward inevitable lateness, you couldn’t help but think how you couldn’t wait to do it all again the following morning.

WORD COUNT: 973 MASTERLIST REQ ME!

[neoplatinum]

link up - avenoir | yoo 'karina' jimin

summary: jimin has a complicated predicament to deal with — you sleeping with her friend, chaehyun. knowing that you two don’t have an official label sends her in a tailspin

pairing: situationship!jimin x reader

themes: hurt jimin, confused reader, ultimately just dummy reader being beyond stupid, mentions of chaehyun (kepler), jeno (nct)

wc: 1.6k

“jimin do not pick up that call.” yizhou instinctively grabbed the phone straight from jimin. to which aeri let out a giggle and then continued. “it’s doing you no good to continue whatever you have going on with her.” minjeong nodded fervently; the three girls stared at jimin eyeing the vibrating phone with your nickname and photo plastered on the front.

“but what if she’s in danger?” minjeong could feel her blood pressure rising just at the question. 

“jimin, when has she ever called you when she’s in danger,” aeri was always calmer and logical in her responses.

“the only danger she could be in is not getting to eat you out by the end of the night.” yizhou folded her arms and crossed her legs.

“ning!! that’s not the point!” minjeong slapped yizhou and instead placed a comforting hand on jimin’s shoulder. 

“she doesn’t deserve access to you, and you know that! especially after what she did.”

“ESPECIALLY after what she did.” yizhou emphasized before turning off jimin’s phone.”

--

“she’s not picking up.”

yunjin kept singing into the new world with chaewon while sakura was cheering them on. ryujin turns her head towards you, “of course she isn’t picking up! i wouldn’t pick up either!”

“but she always picks up!”

“maybe she finally woke up and realizes how shitty you are.” eunchae shouts as she eats another takoyaki. you shrink further into the couch.

“eunchae!! language!!” sakura shouted and continued banging on her drum ring and cheering on the duet.

“listen, all im saying is that sleeping with her friend is a bad look if you’re trying to get with her!” ryujin tried reasoning with you.

“i thought it would make her jealous and you know…want to be official with me.” you hung your head low.

“how could you possibly think that was the best way to do that?” kazuha rolled her eyes and pointed at you, “you shouldve just asked her whats going on with her and jeno instead of sleeping with her friend!”

“fuck, im so stupid.”

“so so stupid.” sakura said while yunjin and chaewon harmonized a final “so so stupid~”

you let out a sigh and left the noraebang room to grab more soju.

--

“hi.” jimin flatly says.

“hi.” you nervously reply.

yeji groaned and rolled her eyes before stomping out of her dorm with ryujin in tow. when ryujin urgently called you saying that yeji was in trouble in her dorms you weren’t expecting to see jimin face to face after two months of radio silence.

it was all a ploy from yeji and ryujin so you two could finally talk again.

“are you okay?” trying to tread lightly as you're in her room, which could easily mean that she's going to smack you.

“yes, why?” jimin stepped away from you and turned her attention back to her laptop where her essay sat still on her screen. you could feel the panic rise in your body, after begging for a response from jimin, being alone with her caused your brain to blank. you suddenly forgot all the apologies and speeches you spent sleepless nights reciting when stood in her room.

“well?” she continued to type out her essay not sparing you a single glance. this is where you had to be bold.

“jimin, can we talk?”

“oh so you want to talk? after sleeping with chaehyun? yeah sure lets talk.”

you grimaced and pulled yejis chair closer to jimin and sat down. seeing her again after so long tugged at your heart, she was still so so adorable with her shin-chan headband and big round glasses. you recognized that tick in her jaw though, she was tense.

“the only reason i slept with chaehyun was because i thought it would make you jealous and well, get together with me?” you trailed off at the end. to which jimin finally turned to look at you with furious eyes.

“i cannot believe you! how could you possibly think that was a good idea?” she crossed her arms and eyed you.

“it wasn’t a good idea!! i am very sorry, i was jealous because there were rumors that you were sleeping with jeno and i know we aren’t exclusive but, it made me nervous to ask you if its true and well, i wasn’t thinking.” you ramble on and on to which it only infuriates jimin more.

“jeno? so you heard rumors and believed them instead of asking me instead?”

“yes, im very sorry jimin. i know i shouldve asked you and not assume anything but, he kept talking about you and it got to me.”

“shit, i need to speak to him, he knows we’re just friends.” jimin mumbled out. “NOT THE POINT, you still slept with chaehyun.”

“i know, i know, and truly, i really am sorry.”

and suddenly, jimin stands from her chair and stares at the wall blankly before turning to you.

“i’ve heard enough of your apologies i need time to process all this.” jimin says and stands up walking you out of her dorm. you groan and let out a sigh when you dial ryujin’s number.

“how did it go?” ryujin whispers.

“she didn’t hit me, so i think okay?” you walked away from jimin and yeji’s dorm to see ryujin and yeji at the vending machines. you hung up your phone.

“i should’ve kicked your ass for what you did to jimin,” yeji stares at you "but she told me not to, so count your blessings." and with a final nod yeji stomps away.

ryujin gives you a sheepish smile and pats your back. “good luck, i hope you know how great of a friend i am. i convinced yeji to let me do this so she put us on a temporary sex ban.”

“ew ryujin, i do not need to know that.”

“you will know exactly how much i care about you that im not going to be intimate with MY girlfriend for your sake.” and with that you and ryujin walked out of the building.

--

you stare at jimin as she continues playing fiercely on the court, not knowing you are in the stands. you have also been trying to avoid aeri and yizhou’s wrath so you wrap your jacket a little tighter and pull your hood down further. 

as the game ends in a tie, you see all the players spread out to leave the court, you’re hoping to catch jimin alone so you can properly apologize after that conversation in her dorm last week.

“jimin!” you shout at she grabs her jacket and water bottle. she scowls at you but waits for you to reach her. “hi! these are for you!”

“okay?” she grabs the bouquet out of your hands and quickly throws them into a trashcan.

“jimin please wait!” 

she turns to you and watches you expectantly.

“go on, say what you were going to say.”

“okay! i really really like you, i think ive liked you since we first met. and when you suggested we sleep together just because i was ecstatic, the girl of my dreams wanted to be with me even if it wasn't exclusive. i shouldn't have listened to jeno and his stupid man words, it just irked me so much to know how close you two were and when his friends were implying you guys were together, i lost it. it felt like i had lost you and i didn’t know what else to get your attention back. so i slept with chaehyun and i know it looks bad because it is bad, but i really only wanted your attention, im sorry i didnt communicate my feelings for you better and caused all this. i regret so much of what i did but i'll never regret my feelings for you jimin.”

and by now aeri and yizhou have gathered behind you, ready to knock your head down if jimin asked but all you could do is try to convey your deepest feelings for the girl that had captured your heart.

jimin was tearing up and sobbing at this point and you wanted nothing more to hold her but you knew you would be overstepping boundaries, and most likely get a kick from yizhou from behind.

“you really hurt me, when chaehyun texted me that you two had slept together, my world fell apart. i didn’t want to confirm it with you because if you had confirmed it, it would’ve just proved that all we had was simply a fling, and to me it was never just a fling.” jimin hiccups while shes crying and holding her jacket tighter.

“you’re not just a fling to me either, i like you and only you.”

“i do too.” she whispers. “we should stop sleeping together.” she adds on.

“of course, anything you’d like.”

jimin sighs and lifts her head, “we did this all backwards, we should've gone on dates first, maybe we wouldnt be here like this.”

“i would have done any way to be with you jimin.” you speak earnestly.

“stop trying to smooth talk me im still mad at you.” she chastises you.

“okay, ill stop.” a warm smile took over. out of the corner of your eyes, you spot something coming fast towards you.

"you little shit! get over here, i don't forgive you even if jimin has!" yizhou shouts as she gets runs at you. you escape jimin's hold and start running away, trying to find an exit.

"oh no!" you run out of the gymnasium with aeri and yizhou chasing after you and a laughing minjeong chasing after the two.

--

a/n: i hope you enjoyed it! stay safe and stay healthy everyone!

[tadanoningen-fr]

My WH Brick by Brick Notes

(PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS WHOLE POST CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE 10/2024 WELCOME HOME UPDATE! DO NOT READ IF YOU DID NOT SEE THE UPDATE, YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND ANYWAY!)

Also this is a very large post and there may be some grammatical errors. I recommend watching the video and listening to the audio while reading these notes. If you can't, IWillGetYourSmile! (PROMISE) on YouTube recently put up the videos and audio for anyone who cannot see them on the website.

Sorry for not putting bullet points, I wrote them on a doc and pasted it here and I was lazy to bullet point everything :')

Brick By Brick

Barnaby’s handprints are on the pages and they’re splotched in black like the gunk seen in the exhibition.

Black gunk are on the pages; title, 2, 8, 9, 14, it’s clearly implied they’re from Barnaby turning the pages, but how and why is Barnaby reading this book?

(Probably over-analyzing) Wally’s face on page 4 seems a little too blackened out.

Poppy wanted to make a cozy for her lamp, Coffin referenced this in one of the Q&A posts for Poppy!

Sally is the character with most of her text missing from the book. Maybe it’s because she keeps breaking the 4th wall talking to the narrator?

Page 7 shows all the neighbors except Poppy, even Eddie is here!

Barnaby’s reaction to Poppy refusing to be in the play is rudely lackadaisical…though he delivers truths harshly.

Sally seems to have a close relationship with Poppy; she cares about her more than any other neighbor. Her feelings were hurt realizing that she made Poppy scared.

Eddie doesn’t hesitate to call Sally “downright rude”. Damn Eddie, now you’re sharing the resentment? I don’t really blame him…

It’s weird that Sally is now worried that Poppy may hear or see her play, isn’t she supposed to be happy about that?

Barnaby’s black-splotched paw is seen again at the corner left of page 9, I think it was his thumb after he turned the page from page 8.

Julie is afraid of the dark.

Almost every appearance he makes, Barnaby is holding food.

Franks’ advice is logical, in which he suggests making Poppy man up so she can at least see the play.

Barnaby started the idea (possibly unintentionally) of “brick by brick”, and for some reason Sally took it too literally. Wait, wasn’t Frank supposed to take things literally?

Light red watercolor paint surrounds Poppy when she’s worried.

Why did the entire neighborhood think that bricking Poppy’s windows was a good idea? I can’t help but feel as if they weren’t quite themselves when doing this.

The shading in page 15, especially on Poppy, seems oddly realistic and not cartoony unlike the whole book art style.

Although most would raise an eyebrow at Poppy’s excitement understanding why she’s being bricked up, I think it kinda makes sense because Poppy always cares about safety, and knowing that the neighbors are bricking her in for her sake, she is okay with this in a way. (She is confirmed to think of this as well.)

Page 14 doesn’t really look like Barnaby’s black paw, but it kinda looks like fingers instead. Who is this? It’s placed oddly at the top of the page.

When Sally calls them peanuts, Barnaby is surprised. I’m also a little surprised because Barnaby was the one who calls Wally peanuts, but here Sally uses it on them.

The Missing Audio

Who says “No, please sit with me.”? I think it’s probably Wally as he doesn’t perform in Sally’s plays often.

We seem to be in Poppy’s perspective, while the book is in the neighbors’ perspective (or maybe Sally’s) as soon as things get quiet.

The breathing is either Poppy’s or the monster Sally describes, as it was seen getting late in page 14 (or it could be just the spotlight effect).

Wood scratching is heard, this is most likely the monster Sally described scratching Poppy’s barn.

Does Poppy think the monster is a neighbor? Is that why she’s saying “the door’s open”?

The monster seems to try to get into Poppy’s home, but if what Poppy says is true (the door is open), why can’t it come in?

The rattling of the doorknob reminds me of how Home speaks through house onomatopoeias, but it’s probably unlikely that Home is making these noises.

Was Poppy trying to get out of her home in fear of the monster? Why the echos?

Sally is the one who says “A-are you alright?”.

I’m still wondering if it’s daytime or nighttime because if it’s nighttime, this might confirm the monster trying to get to Poppy, but if it’s daytime, it will be unconfirmed.

Is Poppy outside? Why is she confused about where she is?

Frank is the one who says “Y-You’re out! The door’s open, why didn’t you open the door?!”. He sounds confused and angry. Maybe he got frightened.

Aftermath Notes & Questions:

Did this take place before or after Homewarming?

We seem to be approaching a pattern with how Darkness and the neighbors interacted with each other; Eddie Dear was surrounded in darkness at homewarming, leading him to a breakdown and panicking, Julie is afraid of the dark, even if it’s caused by something so simple, and when Poppy was surrounded in darkness, the monster was implied to come after her, making her panic.

This is the second time Sally and Frank appear at the end when someone is in trouble, and their time of appearances are the same as well. This happened with Eddie in Homewarming, but Sally left and Frank stayed, and now with Poppy, both Sally and Frank were there.

If this pattern of darkness and the neighbors keep going, this means that the neighbors may be the prey of something we have yet to understand. The question of Wally and Home’s innocence is still unclear, but now Eddie and Poppy are out of the question for being evil in this story for sure. Perhaps Sally and Frank too, but we don’t have enough evidence at the moment.

A question that just appeared and is still unanswered is why Barnaby’s black paw prints are seen in the book. Another thing I noticed is that Barnaby’s paw blocked out the author and illustrator, and so did the record player too. Could this mean that Barnaby may be helping to hide certain things? If so, why? Barnaby’s paws also had been avoiding the pages of where Poppy appears every time.

A little theory about the black paws; Barnaby somehow got his hands on the Brick by Brick book, and began skimming through it until page 14, where someone takes the book from Barnaby and the book is sent to the restoration team. This theory is just based on the black paw prints and fingers, because after page 14, there were no more black prints. And it’s more oddly suspicious that the last black print we see isn’t Barnaby’s, plus it was in an odd place.