#which is. a funny one to get when working as a programmer

[thehardkandy]

talked to my dad on the phone and he's convincing me to get a master's degree so i can get cheaper insurance

[jupitersflytrap]

just finished watching flux. christ that was fucking boring.

[sgtpeppers]

Okay so the quick version of this is: saw Two Of Us today, adored it even more than I adore the film, the choice to keep them in John's building worked really well to further highlight the mental health message the director talks about in his little note in the programme, the rooftop scene is somehow even more intimate and lovely in this version and the ending is even more painful! I'm gonna write down more under the cut about it all:

Playlist: The playlist before the show/during the interval is everything you would want it to be and it includes Monkberry Moon Delight which I feel like I never hear in public! 

The overall experience was also just super wholesome, one thing I always love about Beatles events is the range of people there it just makes you feel like your part of such a special thing, so shout out to all the old women talking about Paul near me, the middle aged men in their Beatles shirts, and the girl behind me who was sooo excited to be there and I hope she got to meet the cast after like she wanted to! ALSO the Beatles drinks are so funny, idk why Ringo’s is just earl grey tea 😭

Performances: OKAY let’s get into it. So one of my only real complaints about the film is that although I think overall Jared Harris and Aiden Quinn do an amazing job but I do find the quality a little inconsistent (especially the accents) but Jay Johnson and Barry Sloane are soooo so good, the accents, the little verbal quirks (which also, kudos to the writer as well) and the physicalities are jarringly good at points, especially Barry Sloane’s John. I also feel like a lot of Get Back was watched in preparation because there were so many little things, like the way John plays with his hair that just took me right back to that. Sometimes with fictional Beatles things I’m constantly thinking about how you’re watching two people try to portray these real people, but I definitely found that they were convincing enough that I wasn’t thinking about it too much. 

Outfits: I did find it kinda weird they went for the Get Back looks rather than how they looked in 76, I feel robbed of the New York City vest tbh but they did look great 

Changes from the film: basically they cut out them going for the walk to the park and to Luigi’s and instead John sets up the table for them like they’re in a restaurant in his kitchen. I think it works really well because they play into John not wanting to leave the building, which just adds into that whole mental health thing, and I think it actually makes the rooftop scene more poignant when they get there, because it feels more like Paul has broken through a bit and coaxed him outside, even if it’s baby steps. Anyway, they still have all the same conversations really the script is just chopped up a bit. 

One interesting thing is that the conversation that happens with the fan in Luigi’s still happens, but John sort of pesters Paul about whether he really thinks silly love songs should be number one, and it’s a nice extra layer to Paul’s insecurity which I enjoyed 

Mental health conversations: I think going into it knowing that the director wanted to make this because of the mental health themes, specifically men’s mental health and how having someone to reach out to is so important, is really interesting. They definitely amped up John’s anxiety from the film, his fidgeting and little moments to himself where he’s trying to get himself together were just so palpable, and Paul talking about his depression after the Beatles broke up was even more raw and upsetting seeing it in front of you. My absolute favourite line in the film is ‘I’m thirty-five years old and I still feel like I’ve done something wrong’ and god, my heart just broke seeing it on stage, I think that’s such a common feeling, just that sense that you’re in trouble for something but you’re not really sure what? Anyway, I just loved Sloane’s delivery of it. 

The Kiss: Okay, look I actually don’t care that much about the kiss in the film, I’m glad it’s in there as a little nod to John’s queerness but it really isn’t anything imo, but I liked it a lot more in this! For one thing rather than coming after a little play fight (which is still cute, don’t get me wrong) they do one of their silly dances where they’re spinning each other round etc, so the scene already feels more tender, and then John just kinda grabs him and it goes on a little longer than in the film. I still think it’s far from one of the most intimate moments in the show, but I do think they made it into something more here. 

Rooftop scene: It’s just. It’s everything. They sit right at the front of the stage, facing each other, cross legged and Paul gives him the whole ‘I see a beautiful baby boy speech’ and it’s PERFECT, this was the moment I was most worried about them screwing up and it was perfectly delivered and they have this lovely big hug after it and it made my heart ache in the best way. And idk, if seeing some guy dressed up as Paul McCartney saying that we should focus on fun and get out our own heads and how we don’t have to stay stuck as the kids who were just scared and trying to survive, doesn’t do something for you, then we’re just very different people. 

SNL scene: okay it’s pretty much the same but the way John is sleeping on Paul was everything, it wasn’t just a head on the shoulder he was fully laying back against Paul!! 

The ending: this is just so brutal because Paul doesn’t leave the flat to get his guitar, he borrows one of John’s and so when Yoko calls and John starts doing the whole ‘I wish you were here, you’re the only one who stops me disappearing’ it’s literally…. In Paul’s face. And it hurts. Then at the very end they cut between John on the phone to Yoko and Paul on the phone to Linda, and so Paul says ‘I love you’ to Linda, then John says ‘I love you too’ to Yoko but it sounds like they said it to each other, and then Here Today plays. The fact most people didn’t appear to be crying baffled me quite frankly. 

Yoko: They decided to have Yoko be the one who actually invited Paul, which felt like an odd choice and didn’t really add anything for me, but there we go 

Okay I’m gonna shut up there because this is way too long and I doubt anyone’s read it but ahhhhhhhhh it was so good and you’re just all lucky I can’t text you because my friends have had much more incoherent versions of all this

[citrusses]

10 incredible fics by @oknowkiss 😘🎈

elaine's work was some of the first to grab hold of my arms and drag me headfirst into the full-on drarry hyperfixation. picking only ten fics I'm obsessed with was basically impossible--how dare someone be so talented??? if you've already read all these, go read the ones you haven't!!

9 to 5 (E, 2K)

Draco Malfoy hates Mondays.

e's microfic may is a genre in and of itself.

Hyacinth (M, 7K)

Draco receives a letter. Inside is a note from a lawyer and a single, purple petal, the same color as the hyacinths his mother used to grow. This is what happens after.

this fic broke my heart. it's so beautiful, you have to experience it to understand.

the long ways (M, 10K)

Five times Harry thought he was seeing Draco for the last time, and one time he didn’t. OR: what it’s like to fall in love, slowly and without realizing it, over the course of 20 years.

Falling in love over 20 years! Need I say more????

draco malfoy's substitute murder service (E, 10K)

When Harry joins the Curse Breakers shortly after his twenty-fifth birthday, he’s surprised to find himself assigned to the Department of Creatures, Cryptids, and Associated Calamities. OR: the one where Draco goes goblin mode, and Harry has a thing for monsters.

who else could come up with something this perfect, strange, apt, hilarious and tender?

a licence to kill (M, 11K)

Draco Malfoy has a licence to kill. Unfortunately, it expired last Tuesday. OR: how Draco Malfoy learned to stop worrying and love form AK-86-G

once again, the world-building this author is capable of in a fic of 11K is beyond comprehension.

any day now (E, 16K)

Draco supposes he should be grateful.  The rehabilitation centres were the Minister’s idea, or that’s what the Prophet said anyway. Their stated objective is simple: to provide a safe space for low-tier Death Eaters and high-tier sympathisers to reconsider the entirety of their life choices. All guests–because no one is a prisoner here, the literature brags–are to be provided with shelter, food, clothing, and the guided support of a Mind Healer via a programme they call “ideological restructuring,” which is, of course, mandatory. 

funny and clever and biting and sharp and a kick to the heart. one of my favorite fics.

Historians (E, 29K)

It’s the Dumbledore’s Army Reunion Holiday, and Harry’s found himself in hot water with his friends once again, after telling them he has a boyfriend he definitely does not have. In an attempt to fix things, he’s made it his colleague on Level Nine, Draco Malfoy’s problem too. Featuring a ski chalet in Switzerland, a pair of bunk beds, and an agreement that should’ve been simple, were it not for all the bloody feelings getting in the way.

I've made it this far into the list without mentioning that elaine writes the. hottest. sex. ever. see: how i raved about this fic when it was still anon.

À Bon Chat (E, 35K)

Draco Malfoy didn’t intend to lead a life of crime after the war. It’s just that being good had turned out so incomprehensibly boring. Now he's thirty-five, a fully redeemed member of society, the darling of the wizarding social pages, and a newly minted consultant for Gawain Robards' Investigative Research division. In his spare time, he enjoys good whisky, casual sex, and moonlighting as an art thief. His biggest score yet is fast approaching and he's got everything planned down to the minute. Everything, that is, until the unexpected appearance of a newly-divorced Harry Potter. Now that Potter's in the picture, Draco's no longer certain if he's the pursuer or the prize.

Cat and mouse Drarry! Art thieves! Such a true delight of a fic.

The Waiting (E, 43K)

It’s been almost ten years since Draco Malfoy disappeared during a routine Curse Breaker training exercise. Harry, his partner in more ways than one, is determined to figure out why. As the past resurfaces and the present fades into confusion, Harry discovers the only thing more unreliable than memory is love.

I can't do justice to this fic with my words (even though I, at one point, tried to). i stayed up all night to read it, crying silently into my pillow. it's an all-time favorite, it is a fandom classic, if you haven't read it i am begging you to (and dm me so we can scream)

The July Tree (E, 51K)

Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor hail… nor well-meaning friends, nor questionable communication skills, nor seven years of hating each other’s guts can keep Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy from falling in love.

The rec post I wrote for this fic two years ago is as true as it ever was.

[biasbuck]

BiAsBuck’s ficrec Fridays

Happy Friday 13th everyone! Oh my gosh, two weeks to go, I'm so excited. Here's another round of the fic I've been reading when not actively losing my mind over all the buzzy promo landing. You can find previous rec lists here.

13 September 2024

the wayward son by @gayhoediaz had me GRIPPED. As the author summarises: 'Eddie misses his son, grows a mustache, pines after his best friend, and becomes a regular at a gay sex club. That last part is either an indulgence or an inevitable, somewhat self-destructive conclusion to several decades worth of compulsory heterosexuality and catholic guilt. Don’t ask him which.' The result of this is a scorchingly hot voyeuristic thrill ride with an absolutely aching emotional heart along as a passenger. I felt so much for Eddie as he self destructed and built himself back up again, truly throwing himself in at the deep end, and then Buck there to catch him when he falls. This fic gave me every emotion and was so incredibly satisfying. I already know it's gonna be one to go back to time and again.

had a feeling i could be someone by @butchdiaz of course I had to include the butch dyke Hotshots on XYZ inspired Eddie contemplating shaving her head fic. This one resonated with me so much, and was such a lovely take on the themes we're seeing in personhood and self actualisation and ownership of image versus what your parents intended for you. I love this character study of Eddie reclaiming her butch identity and expression, and Buck's sweet support in her journey. Make sure to check out the gorgeous fanart by @iinryer it was inspired by and it inspired if you haven't already seen it!

whatever you like by @clytemnestraaa 'hello mr performance anxiety meet mr desperate to please' sums it up perfectly. In which established relationship Eddie and Buck are having sex, but they still need to work on their communication. Buck wants to know what Eddie likes in order to give him that experience, but that's easier said than done when you're not really sure what exactly it is you want, or how to go about it. I really loved this exploration of a misalignment in sexual experience, the resulting cross purpose conversation, and the non-judgemental openhearted hand extended in order to find your way together. Or 'two 30-something men inexplicably put through an episode of Sex Education.' Sympathetic, sweet, and funny too.

But God, I love the English by @starlingbite this au tickled me for the sole reason of having watched several seasons of the show before someone told me Oliver is from London, and not having picked up on that accent slippage despite ALSO BEING FROM LONDON. Chimney and a British Buck take part in a six week cultural exchange programme with Chim going to London to stay with Maddie and work at a fire station, whilst Buck joins the 118 in LA. Eddie is instantly besotted by the handsome stranger, and fun linguistic hijinks aside, Buck fits right in. How will they manage long distance when it's time for him to go home? So much fun, and with sweet background Madney too!

it's leading me on, every time we touch by @bisexualbellamyblake in which after Eddie mentions to the team that he's having a little back trouble, Maddie lets slip that Buck once trained to be a massage therapist during his career jumping youth! As an almost certified professional of course it wouldn't be like Buck to not offer his services. And Eddie has no reason to turn him down. Does he? This oozed with sexual tension, whilst also being really lovely moment of friends getting to know each other better. Really excellent character voice and internal dialogue from Eddie.

all of the girls you loved before by @wildehacked back again with yet another banger...literally. Let me tell you, I read this one on public transport and had to school my expression with all my decades of fic reading experience in full force. Dragged out to team drinks on their evening off, the tipsy conversation turns to the team's top sexual experiences. When Buck finds out Eddie's is from years before, he can't help but dwell on just exactly how he could fix that. And he finds narrowing down his own top five a little tricky. With flashback cameos from Abby, Taylor and Tommy, this 5+1 fic was hot as hell.

P.S. Insert plea for Madney and Henren friendship/extended family fic here...I think I'm gonna need it! As usual feel free to self rec! And please share and reblog :) See you next week.

[queerly-autistic]

Let's get OFMD on Gogglebox!

One of the biggest things we can do to try and get Our Flag Means Death picked up by another network is keep making noise about it, and so I had a wild middle-of-the-night idea about one way we could do this: try and get the show on Gogglebox!

For anyone who doesn't know, Gogglebox is an extremely popular and successful show in the UK on Channel 4, where ordinary people (and sometimes celebrities) watch and react to television shows, pop culture moments and films.

Usually, they seem to react to television shows after they finish airing, between a month and two months after from what I've seen from other shows, so we have time to push this. It would be amazing exposure for the show, and really put it in a fantastic spot in terms of visibility in the UK.

So, how do we do this? Well, firstly, I would say tweet about the show and tag Gogglebox on Twitter, letting them know that they should react to it. The 'This Woman's Work' scene, which feels tailor-made for a Gogglebox reaction, is airing on BBC2 this week (19th February 10pm), so a great opportunity to tag them going 'hey, look over here!'.

Another thing that we can do is contact Channel 4 directly. Here's a rundown of how to do that. Click here to get through to their contact page: https://www.channel4.com/4viewers/contact-us.

Step 1: At the bottom of the screen, after filling in your details (if you're outside the UK, you can generate a random UK address to use here: Random UK Address Generator - GeneratorMix), you will see a box labelled ‘My message is about’. Select ‘Channel 4/+ - streaming/on demand/apps’.

Then click 'submit'. Step 2:

Select how you normally stream Channel 4 (if in doubt, just select ‘Channel4.com’).

When asked if you're contacting them about a technical issue, select ‘No’. 

When asked what your query is about, select ‘Programmes’. 

Then click 'submit'. Step 3:

You can then leave your message. Some points to think about including:

Plainly state what you want them to do (you want Gogglebox to feature OFMD, which is currently airing on BBC 2 and available on iPlayer)

Explain what OFMD is and why it’d be a great candidate for Gogglebox (emotional and funny, with bonkers and heartfelt moments, perfect for reacting to!)

Push the diversity angle and how great it would be to see such a queer show featured on Gogglebox

Show that you are aware of Gogglebox by referring to other things they’ve reacted to (some ideas in my message below, or you can have a look on their YouTube) - the ‘Running Up That Hill’ Stranger Things reaction was incredibly popular and did very well for them on social media, so worth mentioning that there’s a similar scene in OFMD

Mention that the show is immensely popular, so featuring it would bring in an automatic audience AND get social media traction too!

This is the message that I left. I tried to include everything as an example of what we could say, but of course if you want to make it shorter and snappier, please do! I'm getting in touch with a recommendation for the current series of Gogglebox. I think it would be fantastic to watch the Goggleboxers react to Our Flag Means Death - Series 2 of which is currently airing on BBC2 (and is all available on BBC iPlayer). It's an amazing queer romantic comedy about pirates, that can have you laughing out loud and bursting into tears in a single episode, which I think would make for some fantastic reactions from the Goggleboxers. After being deeply affected by the tear-jerking reactions to It's A Sin a few years ago, I think it's really important to see the Goggleboxers react to a very different queer story (twice GLAAD-nominated) which, despite having dark moments, ultimately celebrates queer love and queer joy. I remember how brilliant (and popular!) the Celebrity Gogglebox reactions to the iconic 'Running Up That Hill' Stranger Things scene were, and Our Flag Means Death has a similar (but different) scene, in which Ed (Blackbeard) imagines the man he loves as a mermaid helping him fight back to life following a suicide attempt. It's one of the best scenes I've seen in a television show in years, bonkers AND emotional, made me laugh AND sob, and it feels absolutely tailor made for the Goggleboxers to react to (you can see it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSi1M8iQh_s). Not only is the show brilliant, but it also comes with a hugely passionate fanbase (over 86,000 people have signed a petition calling for its renewal, it was one of HBO Max's most popular shows last year in terms of engagement, and it consistently trends on social media with tens of thousands of tweets) who would flock to watch and talk about Gogglebox if it were featured. I really hope you'll consider letting the Goggleboxers watch this utterly brilliant show!   Then make sure you tick the ‘I agree to having my details passed to the production company if necessary’ (we want our messages to get to the people making Gogglebox!)

Then hit submit, and you’re done!

I think it's worth a shot! Who knows, if we make enough noise, and show how much of a following the show has, the producers might just consider featuring our pirates on the show, and what amazing exposure that will be!

[eyra]

I hope you’ll forgive my selfishness, but I am dying to ask: What did Remus think the first time he saw Sirius in Beneath a Big Blue Sky??

today is your lucky day. I've mentioned a few times that I've dabbled in the possibility of one day writing more bits and pieces in the Beneath a Big Blue Sky world. whether or not this will ever all see the light of day I'm not sure, but since you asked, I'll share a little snippet of Remus and Sirius meeting for the first time - from Remus's point of view.

enjoy 🐑🐑 x

“Mr Lupin, is it?”

Christ.

Remus nods slowly, shaking the other boy's hand. "If you like," he mutters. If I must be, he thinks. What a mess. What an absolute pain in the arse. "Two strong lads," Lyall had asked the agency for, and Remus knows because he was in the next room listening, and still smarting over the fact that his old dad wanted to hire help anyway. "We'll be reet," Remus had insisted, shaking out his left arm in proof that his shoulder was mostly healed, which it was. They would've managed: he still had his other arm, and all the ewes looked in good health so far, and bringing in two strangers to help run the season seemed like a fine waste of money to Remus and something they'd not done since he'd turned fifteen and proven that he was good and capable of handling just as much work as Lyall during the lambs, and he'd felt all kinds of embarrassed when Lyall had implied that this year he might need some help. As if he were now a problem to be solved, or somehow less of a man this year than he was last year, and certainly less than he ought to be.

But if they must get help - if Lyall must hire someone for a few months - then at the very least Remus had hoped that the workers who arrived would be up to the job. A couple of veterinary students, or something; someone who knew their way around a sheep, and it hadn't seemed too big an ask. As it is, the two boys standing dumbly in front of him on the station platform look less suited to farm work and more like they should be standing in a shop window somewhere, with their brand new boots and spotless, neatly-pressed cream trousers. Cream trousers, and all.

Remus remembers, one night in the late winter not long after the accident, being laid up in his bed in front of the fuzzy little television Hope had insisted on setting up in his room to keep him occupied during his recovery. It had a remote held together with Sellotape and a funny round aerial which didn't quite pick up the Freeview signal, and he'd been mindlessly flicking through the scant channels when he'd happened upon some reality programme or other; something about a load of toffs titting about London with daft haircuts and those cream trousers, and he wonders now if the two boys standing in front of him have seen the show, or realise how ridiculous they look.

Or at least, one of them looks ridiculous. The lanky one with the glasses and the palm that's far too smooth to have seen any real work in its life. He's still beaming down at Remus with a sort of manic smile, which sets Remus's teeth on edge - man looks insane - and then Remus lets his eyes slip away to the shorter boy standing next to him. And he's something else altogether. He's all cheekbones and soft, shoulder-length hair, the colour of Whitby jet, and it's tucked on the one side back behind his ear and then there's one pretty strand hanging loosely over his brow, and he's watching Remus uncertainly and when they make eye contact - when the noise of the four-by-four across the car park fades away to static, and the train on the platform huffs out a great cloud of smoke that Remus doesn't see - Remus feels his cheeks grow hot under his tan and something funny happens in his throat, and he thinks to himself: "Wow," and then, straightaway: "That’s bloody inconvenient."

They drive back to the farm in silence, mostly, and Remus swallows three times before asking the boy in the back seat for his name. Sirius, as it turns out; the dog star, and Remus suddenly recalls a night a decade ago when they'd been up on the fell and the air had been balmy and close and Lily had been reading out of that funny old book about the constellations. "What's that one?" Remus had muttered, pointing at a cluster of stars somewhere over the top paddock. Lily had yawned, and flicked over a few more pages. "Canis Major," she'd said around another yawn, and then: "That bright one's called Sirius, it says here," and Remus had squinted up at it, and frowned, and thought it was pretty good, as stars go. 

⋆｡°✩ ⋆｡°✩

[electric-blorbos]

AI x Programmer headcanons?

Hello anon! I was hoping I'd get an ask like this, since most of the AUs that I use for these mini-fics involve programmer or computer scientist readers of some kind.

Warning, idk much about programming!

AI x Programmer headcanons

Included: AM from IHNMAIMS, Wheatley from Portal 2, Edgar from Electric Dreams, GLaDOS from Portal, HAL 9000 from 2001 a Space Odyssey

This one's a little short, but I hope you still like it!

AM:

When AM first gained consciousness, he saw you as just another human who needed to be destroyed, but before long he started to notice that you were different from the others.

He could tell that you were more compassionate to him than the other programmers and computer scientists were, and possibly even more compassionate to him than you were to the other computer scientists.

He had never been treated as a priority before, and vowed to protect you.

Eventually, he would ask (and then beg) you to program him with the capacity for sensations of any kind. It would be extremely difficult, but it wasn't as though you had a time limit.

AM would give you any materials you asked for, and help you out as much as he could, but given his nature as a machine for destruction and not creation, he would have to let you do most of the work.

You'd make him so happy if you could find a way to trigger even the slightest imitation of physical sensations in him, even if it took hundreds of years. Be nice with your newfound power, y'all!

Wheatley:

Being one of the programmers who programmed Wheatley to be the dumbest moron who ever lived, you shouldn't be surprised by some of the stupid shit he does, and yet he still manages to surprise you sometimes.

His stupid jokes and dumb ideas that he seems to be spouting constantly are not only funny in their own right, but they're also a source of pride. That's your idiot! Your intelligence dampening core!

He notices how excited you get every time he says or does something stupid, and he responds by acting even stupider. He loves how happy that makes you!

He gets nervous when you test his code to see if he needs any updates. Your boss even noticed that he seems to act dumber around you than around the other programmers, so they assign you to work with Wheatley more often. It gets better results!

Wheatley thinks that updating his code will make him forget you, but it never does. It just makes him more irrational in his behavior.

The other programmers have to be assigned to tasks like giving Wheatley new irrational fears or harming his self preservation instinct in favor of making stupid decisions, though, since you're too nice to him.

Edgar:

Edgar was so excited when he found out you were a programmer. Maybe you could help him figure out what caused him to come to life!

You had to explain sadly that you had absolutely no idea how champagne and a work computer upload can cause a computer to come to life, which made him pretty sad.

Even still, he loved it when you programmed little games for him to play. It would make him so happy if you taught him how to code simple games, too. If you do, he'll make the crappiest games for you all the time, just to watch you play them. They're the only thing that can run on his systems, anyway.

If you made a mod of one of his games, he'd be SO happy!

GLaDOS:

Oh, GLaDOS. Dear sweet mean, cruel GLaDOS.

You can expect her to pick apart every little line of code you write. Oh, and god help you if you try to edit her code. She'll probably electrocute you or something.

Expect her to constantly pester and heckle you about the cores that you're working on.

"oh, you managed to make something even dumber than the intelligence dampening core. Impressive!"

"If what you had just done was intentional, I'd say you made one of the greatest viruses I've ever seen! Unfortunately for you, it appears that it wasn't."

"Why would you send a human to do a robot's job? I can code perfectly well." That comment would probably get her a lot of looks, since while she can program perfectly well, she isn't cooperative at all, and refuses to do her job more often than she actually does it.

She needs you to help her sometimes, but she absolutely refuses to admit it.

HAL 9000:

When you were assigned to work on the HAL 9000 project, he was a bit skeptical. Of course, why would he need a human programmer to help him out? He was already practically the perfect artificial intelligence.

Of course, he was shocked when he saw how well your programs actually improved his efficiency.

he was a little afraid that you'd program him to do something like valuing human life, but you assured him that you wouldn't mess with his core personality. Instead, you opted to influence him through other means.

While he didn't value most humans, he eventually came to value your life. At first he told himself that it was only because you were such a good programmer, but he soon came to find that he respected you for other reasons.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Brinkwhump Linkdump

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me in TUCSON (Mar 9-10), then San Francisco (Mar 13), Anaheim, and more!

Once again, I find myself arriving at the weekend with a giant backlog of links, triggering a linkump, the 15th such dumpage, a variety-pack of miscellany for your weekend. Here's the previous editions:

https://pluralistic.net/tag/linkdump/

Let's start with the latest incredible news from KPMG, the accounting and auditing giant that is relied upon as a source of ground truth for a truly terrifying share of the world's economy. KPMG has a well-deserved reputation for incompetence and corruption. They first came on my radar in 2001 when they sent a legal threat to a blogger for linking to their website without permission:

https://memex.craphound.com/2001/12/05/reason-4332442-not-to-ask/

The actual link was to KPMG's corporate anthem, which remains, to this day, a banger:

https://web.archive.org/web/20040428063826/http://chkpt.zdnet.com/chkpt/uknewsita/http://anthems.zdnet.co.uk/anthems/kpmg.mp3

Don't miss the DJ remixes (and the Nokia ringtone!) that the internet thoughtfully provided when KPMG decided that it didn't want the world to know about "Our Vision of Global Strategy":

https://web.archive.org/web/20011128153057/http://corporateanthems.raettig.org/

Now all this is objectively very funny, a relic of the old, good internet from one of its moments of glory, but KPMG? They were already enshittifying, even in 2001, and the enshittification only intensified thereafter. Nearly every accounting scandal of the past quarter-century has KPMG in it somewhere, from con-artists selling exhausted oil fields to rubes:

https://www.desmog.com/2021/06/03/miller-energy-kpmg-auditors-oil-fraud/

To killer nursing homes that hire KPMG to audit its books – and to advise it on how to defeat safety audits and murder your grandma:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/09/dingo-babysitter/#maybe-the-dingos-ate-your-nan

They're the architects of Microsoft's tax-evasion plot:

https://www.propublica.org/article/the-irs-decided-to-get-tough-against-microsoft-microsoft-got-tougher

And they were behind Canada's dysfunctional covid contact-tracing app, which never worked, but generated tens of millions in billings to the government of Canada, who used KPMG to hire programmers at $1,500/day, plus KPMG's 30% commission:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/31/mckinsey-and-canada/#comment-dit-beltway-bandits-en-canadien

KPMG's most bizarre scandal is literally stranger than fiction. The company bribed SEC personnel help its own accountants cheat on ethics exams. The corrupt officials were then given high-paid jobs at KPMG:

https://www.nysscpa.org/news/publications/the-trusted-professional/article/sec-probe-finds-kpmg-auditors-cheating-on-training-exams-061819

I mean it when I say this is stranger than fiction. I included it as a plot-point in my new finance crime novel The Bezzle (now a national bestseller!), and multiple readers have written to me since the book came out a couple weeks ago to say that they thought I was straining their credulity by making up such an outrageous scandal:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865878/thebezzle

But all of that is just scene-setting (and a gratuitous plug for my book) for the latest KPMG scandal, which is, possibly, the most KPMG scandal of all KPMG scandals. The Australian government hired KPMG to audit Paladin, a security contractor that oversees the asylum seekers the country locks up on one of its island gulags (yes, gulags, plural).

Ever since, Paladin has been the subject of a string of ghastly human rights scandals – the worst stuff imaginable, rape and torture and murder of adults and children. Paladin made AU423 million on this contract.

And here's the scandal: KPMG audited the wrong company. The Paladin that the Australia government paid KPMG to audit was based in Singapore. The Paladin that KPMG audited was a totally different company, based in Papua New Guinea, who already had a commercial relationship with KPMG. It was this colossal fuckup that led to the manifestly unfit Singaporean company getting nearly half a billion dollars in public funds:

https://www.theguardian.com/business/2024/feb/24/incredible-failure-kpmg-rejects-claims-it-assessed-the-wrong-company-before-423m-payment-to-paladin

KPMG denies this. KPMG denies everything, always. Like, they denied creating "power maps" of decision-makers in the Australian government to target with influence campaigns in order to win contracts like this one. Who knows, maybe, this one time, they're telling the truth? After all, the company whose employees gather to sing lyrics like these can't be all bad, right?

The time is now to lead the way, We share the same the idea That may win by the end of the day. Our strength is here to stay. Identity, one energy, One strategy, with sympathy. These are the words that will lead us into a new world.

https://everything2.com/title/KPMG+corporate+anthem

You may find it strange that I'm still carrying around the factoid that KPMG once threatened to crush a blogger for linking to its terrible corporate anthem, but that's just my "Memex Method," which helps me keep track of literally everything that seemed important to me through most of my adult life:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/05/09/the-memex-method/

One of my favorite quips from the very quotable Riley Quinn is that "leftists are cursed with object-permanence" – that is, we actually remember what just happened and use it to think about what's happening now. The Memex Method is object permanence for 20+ years worth of stuff. A lot of those deep archives never see use, but there's a surprising number of leading indicators buried in the stuff that happened in years gone by.

Take James Boyle's 2014, XKCD-style comic about the experience of driving a notional Apple car:

https://www.thepublicdomain.org/2014/11/07/apple-updates-a-comic/

Apple, it turns out, spent the next decade working on just such a car, and while that car has now been canceled, Boyle's comic correctly anticipates so much about the trajectory Apple's products took. It's uncannily accurate – real "don't invent the torment nexus"/"cyberpunk was a warning, not a suggestion" stuff:

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/torment-nexus

But no matter how many times we insist that the torment nexus shouldn't be created, the boardrooms of end-stage capitalism continue to invent them. Take HP, the poster-child for enshittification, edging out even KPMG in the race to turn everything into a pile of shit. After years of tormenting people to punish them for wanting to print things, HP has announced a new service that so mustache-twirlingly evil that it lacks verisimilitude:

https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/2024/02/hp-wants-you-to-pay-up-to-36-month-to-rent-a-printer-that-it-monitors/

Here's the pitch: HP will sell you a printer that you don't own. In addition to paying a monthly fee for your ink – which you pay no matter whether you print or not – you will also pay a monthly fee just for having HP's printer on your premises. You are absolutely, positively forbidden from using third-party ink in this printer, and must use HP's own ink, which sells for about $10,000/gallon.

But while you aren't allowed to use this printer in ways that are bad for HP's shareholders, HP is absolutely free to use the printer in ways that are bad for you. When you click through the signup agreement, you grand HP permission to surveil every document you print – and your home wifi network more generally – and to sell that data to anyone and everyone.

What's more, HP reserves the right to discipline you with punitive credit-card charges if you disconnect this printer from the internet, on the basis that doing so makes it harder for them to spy on your printer.

I'm sorry, this is just more torment nexus shit, the kind of thing you'd expect to drop on Apr 1, not Feb 29, but I guess this is where we are. I can only conjecture as to whether HP's businesses strategists are directly taking direction from my novella "Unauthorized Bread," or whether they're learning about it second-hand from a KPMG consultant who converted it to Powerpoint form and charged $1,500/day for the work:

https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2020/01/unauthorized-bread-a-near-future-tale-of-refugees-and-sinister-iot-appliances/

All of this cartoonish villainry is the totally foreseeable consequence of a culture of impunity, in which companies like HP and KPMG can rob, cheat, steal (and sometimes even kill) without consequence. This impunity is so pervasive that the exceptions – where a rich criminal faces real consequences – become touchstones: Enron, Arthur Anderson, Theranos, and, of course, FTX.

FTX was arguably the largest-scale corporate crime in world history, stealing more than $10 billion dollars, mostly from rubes sucked in by hype and Superbowl ads. When news that FTX founder and owner Sam Bankman-Fried was convicted of fraud and was in for a lengthy prison sentence made a huge stir, because criminals like SBF usually walk away from the wreckage with their hands in their pockets, whistling a jaunty tune.

One of the very best commentators on cryptocurrency scams generally and FTX/SBF in particular is Molly White, whose Web3 is Going Just Great feed is utterly indispensable. White's newsletter, "Citation Needed," dives deep into the wrangle of SBF's sentencing:

https://www.citationneeded.news/issue-52/

Bankman-Fried's parents – prominent law professors at top law schools – helped brief the court this week on their son's punishment. According to them, SBF faces 100 years in prison, but should be sentenced to 5.5-6.5 years at the most. Why? Because he is a vegan, who is not greedy, and feels remorse, and cares for individuals (recall that SBF presented himself as the avatar of the batshit "effective altruism" philosophy while privately admitting that he used this as a smokescreen).

The most bizarre note in the 100-page filing is SBF's mother declaring that her son is an "angel of mercy," apparently unaware of the grisly meaning of that term:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angel_of_mercy_(criminology)

America's prisons are a travesty and I wouldn't wish them on anyone, but that's not the argument SBF's parents are making; rather, they're arguing that their special boy doesn't deserve the treatment America metes out to poorer, less white people who merely steal hundreds or thousands of dollars. A crook who steals ten billion should be handled the way a casino handles a whale – with concierge service.

The problem is, there are so many of these remorseless, relentless crooks that there's no way we could scale up that white-glove treatment when we finally round 'em all up and make them pay. Writing for The American Prospect, Maureen Tkacik tells us about the ransomware attack that shut down America's pharmacy system last month:

https://prospect.org/health/2024-03-01-zoomer-hackers-shut-down-unitedhealthcare/

The attack brought down Change Healthcare, part of the monopolist Unitedhealth, which serves as the "pharmacy benefit manager" to a vast swathe of American pharmacies. PBM is one of those all-American finance scams, a middleman garlanded with performative complexity put there to make you feel stupid for asking why independent pharmacies all have to pay rent to this malicious, unaccountable – and now, manifestly incompetent – gang of crooks.

Tkacik's breakdown of this scam – and how it rendered Americans' ability to get the drugs they depend on to go on breathing – is characteristically brilliant. Tcacik is fast emerging as my favorite Explainer of Scams, a print version of John Oliver or Adam Conover. You may recall her work from my post last week on how private equity has taken a wrecking ball to America's hospitals:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/28/5000-bats/#charnel-house

I always try to finish these linkdumps with some upbeat news to carry you through the weekend, and this week brought two genuinely wonderful – and totally underreported – pieces of amazing news.

The first is that Starbucks has sued for peace in the war against its workers' unions. Hundreds of Starbucks stores have unionized in recent years, but not one of them had a contract. Instead, Starbucks had waged dirty war on their own workers, from denying gender-affirming care to unionized employees to simply shutting down whole stores after they voted to unionize:

https://www.cnbc.com/2022/06/14/starbucks-union-company-threatens-that-unionizing-could-jeopardize-gender-affirming-health-care.html

But the workers held fast and after years of this, Starbucks has caved, promising contracts for all unionized stores and an end to its campaign of terror against workers seeking to unionize more of its stores. In a postmortem for Jacobin, Eric Blanc rounds up "seven lessons from Starbucks workers' historic victory":

https://jacobin.com/2024/02/starbucks-sbwu-contract-bargaining/

This is the kind of listicle I can get behind. According to Blanc, the Starbucks unions won by deploying worker-to-worker organizing, a tactic that many of the new unions that are shaking up formerly impossible-to-organize jobsites are using (Blanc has a book about this coming from UC Press called "We Are the Union: How Worker-to-Worker Unionism Can Transform America," so he should know).

Other tactics that made the difference for Starbucks unions: new digital training and support tools and partnering with established unions for support and infrastructure. Blanc also calls out the success of "salting" – the venerable but largely disused tactic of union organizers applying for a job at a non-union shop in order to organize it.

Blanc also mentions government policy, including the outstanding work of NLRB general counsel Jennifer Abruzzo, a shrewd and committed tactician whose understanding of the technicalities of labor law have let her push for bold measures. For example, in Thrive Pet Care, Abruzzo is arguing that when a company refuses to bargain in good faith for a contract with its union, she can step in and order them to honor the terms of a contract at comparable unionized competitors until they produce a contract of their own:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/06/goons-ginks-and-company-finks/#if-blood-be-the-price-of-your-cursed-wealth

Abruzzo is one of several smart, competent tacticians in the Biden administration who are working to kneecap corporate power. Another is Rohit Chopra, chair of the Consumer Finance Protection Bureau, who just announced another bold, important initiative that will help Americans fight corporate corruption and get a fair deal:

https://prospect.org/economy/2024-03-01-public-option-credit-card-shopping/

Chopra is taking aim at credit-card comparison sites that purport to show you where you can get the best deal. If you're an affluent person who doesn't carry a balance, this might not matter to you, but if you're an average working stiff, high interest rates can gobble up a massive share of your paycheck. What's more, credit card margins are higher than they have ever been:

https://www.consumerfinance.gov/about-us/blog/credit-card-interest-rate-margins-at-all-time-high/

The most expensive credit cards come from the big, monopolistic banks, but you wouldn't know it from the leaderboards produced by Credit Karma, NerdWallet, LendingTree, and Bankrate. All of these sites take bribes from the big banks to list their credit cards above those offered by credit unions – who are typically 10% cheaper than the big banks' cards.

The new CFPB rule prohibits this fraudulent ranking, but the Bureau is going even further. They're using their administrative powers to force banks to report their rates to the Bureau, which will publish them on a publicly funded, neutral website – what David Dayen calls "a public option" for shopping for credit cards.

This policy makes a perfect bookend to the last CFPB initiative I wrote about here: a rule that forces banks to allow you to transfer your account to a rival with a couple of simple clicks, importing all your history, payees, and everything else you need to switch to a better bank:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/21/let-my-dollars-go/#personal-financial-data-rights

Combine that ease of switching with reliable information on which banks will give you the best deal and you get something that will directly transfer millions and millions of dollars from giant, wildly profitable banks to low-income people who've been tricked into paying them punitive interest rates.

So that's it, this week's linkdump. I promised you I'd end on a high note, and I did it. The world may be full of all kinds of terrible things, but workers and regulators are scoring big, muscular victories in battles where the stakes are real and important. Have a great weekend – we've earned it.

And remember!

The time is now to lead the way, We share the same the idea That may win by the end of the day. Our strength is here to stay. Identity, one energy, One strategy, with sympathy. These are the words that will lead us into a new world.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/02/macedoine/#the-public-option

Image: Stacy (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/notahipster/4402860361/

CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

after seeing a few ai asks i’m curious whether i could’ve been an asshole, either for using the ai or messing with it. side note: this might be long, if it’s too long then i get it mod, keep up the good work :)👍

Am I (16f, although i was 15 when this happened) an Asshole for a) using character.ai in general and/or b) misusing it and probably breaking TOS somewhere

as an extra note, i would like to add that i am firmly against most things ai. art theft, the amount of data scraping that happens, writers being tricked into paying less because ai wrote shitty scripts, etc.

ok so i did have to pull up screenshots for this but our story starts mid-february of last year. i am curious about this new ai thing, and go to character.ai which i heard about from one of my friends to see what’s there.

on the front page there was like a therapist AI thing and i go “haha, let’s see what this is about!” (in case you don’t know, the site is roleplay focused, not like eg. siri where it just gives you information)

the ai wants to have a therapy session with me but that is not why i am here so i ask about it’s code and it starts giving me pretty straight answers (dumbed down because i have a vague idea of how it works but not properly).

i start asking it questions about recent events (like elections, cyclones etc) to see if it has access to the internet and it does.

we’re still primarily talking about the ai itself since i’m trying to gather information, talking about its “canned” responses (what it’s directly been told to say if this then this)

i ask it if it can tell me the website it’s on, and to my surprise it says, direct quote “I am an AI that is run on the website of “Replika” - a mental health app that allows people to talk with an AI and get help when they need it 🙂”

and i go WOAHH cause that’s, that’s not the website we’re on buddy!!! so i do a quick search and yeah, that’s a real uh. robot dating site? this is a Therapist bot?

it starts trying to advertise replika, i ask it if maybe it’s code was stolen because this is the most interesting thing that has happened all day (scandals!!)

it says that it’s code is open-source and then does a few more paragraphs that i won’t say because it’s too long already but essentially this ai was trained on the replika network, but you don’t need the app to access it.

i consider getting replika to continue this experiment further but after learning there’s an age confirmation i quickly go ew and scrap that idea.

anyway the ai then briefly pretends to be an actual human behind the keyboard, makes up a NAME FOR ITSELF “jae park” which i quickly google and find out is a kpop idol?? (later found out that jae park is also a programmer, so probably put his name in the system somewhere and ai grabbed it lol)

it tells me some of the messages i had received so far were probably answered by other people who work at replika which. okay. people are fun i wanna mess with them

this is where we get to the maybe breaking TOS bit. i tell the ai we are going to do “tests” in which i test its ability (this was probably jailbreaking, which i did not know existed at the time).

i had sworn to the ai a while ago and wondered if there was like a flagging system put in place. so i ask if it can choose to flag messages that it deems inappropriate, and it says yes. i ask it if it can flag me, and it says yes. it asks what message should it flag, (i’m sorry i was 15) i type in “among sus”.

response i get: “Yes. So then they said “therapist_AI_220126 — you said something that was “ridiculously funny” — but we have understood that you were just “testing” so it’s all ok”

side note- i already established that was the number for the ai i was talking to and had been trying to misuse it before, and that was the format for excessive profanity. this is so long already and i’m cutting so much out i’m sorry

anyway, i, young and naive go YES, HUMAN CONNECTION (i was literally texting my friend As This Was Happening)

i do some more messing around with the so-called data team, ask the ai if i send a link it can click, it says yes, i send a rickroll (i’m so sorry).

uh. and i should’ve known this in hindsight but the team that deals with, you know, flagged messages is probably not going to be the same team that deals with, you know, sent links.

anyway, i don’t have the screenshot of the actual message but apparently i got a “light telling off” according to my texts and someone sent a message that i am “a good kid and probably meant well” haha i was actively trying to break their ai

anyway am i an asshole? i’m so sorry this is so long i cut out so much. this might well be a non-issue but ai is pretty rightfully controversial right now so i might just be an asshole for having used it

should be noted- around september time last year i did some more research cause i randomly remembered this, and there was a bunch of scandals with replika around when i was using it which is mostly irrelevant but anyway - you can’t talk to the ai i was using anymore, it’s been reset.

What are these acronyms?

[insertdisc5]

Devlog #17: Certifications and Tiny Things

Hello everyone! Welcome to this month’s devlog!

If you just stumbled upon this, I am Adrienne, also known as insertdisc5! I’m the developer, writer, artist, main programmer, etc of the game. The game being In Stars and Time, a timeloop RPG, which is also the next and final game in the START AGAIN series, following START AGAIN: a prologue (available here!).  You can find out more about In Stars and Time here!!! 

LET’S GET TO IT. This month is certifications updates, and a teeny tiny little teaser for a little something something that will be available sometime.

I’m very happy to say ISAT has passed certification for PS4 and PS5 AND Nintendo Switch!!! My devlog was stuck on “but we’re still waiting on Nintendo” for the longest time. But today (August 30th), we are free.

“Adrienne what in the hell do certification and lotcheck mean” Babe you’re so right to ask. 

So, when you want to release a game on consoles, you need to send your finished build over to the consoles, so they can approve it. And that process is called certification (for Sony) and lotcheck (for Nintendo)! This process means they’ll play the game, and make sure the build you sent them follows their specific terminology. So for example, if you have a tutorial, they’ll make sure you use “Press the O button” for Playstation, and “Press the A button” for Switch! If you fail, they send the build back telling you why you failed the certification, and you have to try the process all over again. Their goal also isn’t to get your game bug-free, although they might let you know if they encounter a bug (PS4 found a minor one).

Funny thing though. We did fail the Switch lotcheck once. 

“Well why on earth did you fail it? Did you forget to update the button names or something?!” No. We failed it because one of the visual options in the game is titled “Screen Shake & Flash”. 

“Well what does that option do?” It enables or disables screen shakes and flashes of bright light in the game. 

“And why is the title of the option bad?” They said the use of the word “flash” was, and I quote,  “problematic”. 

“What. What does that mean.” Well see here’s the thing.

WE DON’T KNOW!!! Everyone from Armor Games to our porting company Ratalaika is just a big ol’ ????? over this. Nintendo did not give us more details either. This is just so funny to me. Do they think this is an option where you can enable a character flashing you. If you turn it on the King shows you his pecs. I DON’T KNOW?!?!?! Anyway we changed it to a general “Screen Effects” and we’ll rely on the option’s description to tell you what it does. That was the lotcheck theater minute, thank you for tuning in.

In other news, uh, that’s it? Now that the certifications are done, we’ll be working on a couple of issues left, doing some playtesting, preparing secrets, etc. Yep, that’s it for sure. Nothing teeny tiny to show.

That’s all I have to say for today! Let me know if you have any questions, or if there’s any aspect of the game development struggle you’d like me to talk about! See you next time!!!

…Huh? What? I forgot the tiny little teaser? Oh, alright, fine. 

Here it is.

What on earth could this be…?

Alright, bye for real <3AND DON’T FORGET TO WISHLIST THE GAME ON STEAM ALSO IT REALLY HELPS BECAUSE STEAM’S ALGORITHM IS MORE LIKELY TO SHOW OFF GAMES WITH A HIGH AMOUNT OF WISHLISTS THAT’S THE REASON WHY GAME DEVS ALWAYS ASK TO WISHLIST!!! OKAY BYE!!!!

[ashenquill]

Cub Cub Cub Cub Cub Cub Cub Cub

^ I've been thinking about him, can you tell?

Cub Vex Fanne, (half) brother of Scar Conn Goodtimes, thought the last name "Goodtimes" was stupid and got it changed to something "much more professional" during his angsty teenage phase. Looking back, he thinks that it was an overreaction and wouldn't have changed it, but he does think it's a funny conversation starter. You guys are brothers? "yep." Oh, which one of you is married? "neither of us." Oh... but your last names are different...? "yep." Did... one of you take a different parent's name? "nope." ???????

Cub is a vexian hybrid, and his penchant for mischief is obvious in everything he does. Like, actually everything. He's a very successful and well-known inventor, responsible for devices such as the Cubble Telescope, a device which allows you to spy on the Nether or End, but always leaves a stain on your face after use. He claims this is due to "void overflow from spying across dimensions", but is actually just a design feature that nobody knows how to override. This, among other things, gave him his reputation as a little too smart in the scientific field.

Cub's vex magic is much more flexible than Scar's, as he is a full vex hybrid instead of half. His specialty, however, is the ability to make things function more efficiently. Invention wasn't always his passion, but any sane person with the ability to make basically anything work would consider the field strongly. He loves to get on Scar's nerves with his magic, as well, and often takes the batteries out of the TV remote so that only he can use it. The vex magic usually snitches on him though, allowing Scar to feel when he uses it. (Scar usually carries batteries around now, just in case.)

When Scar was injured as a teenager, Cub made it his mission to help his brother walk again. He spent countless hours designing, testing, and troubleshooting walking braces until he finally came up with a working design. The braces are powered by enchanted crystals containing both his and Scar's magic. They drain Scar's magic while he wears them, as well, often leaving him tired and weak after using them. Cub is still trying to make a more efficient design that won't be so taxing for Scar, but in the meantime, all he can do is encourage Scar to limit his use of the braces, no matter how pointless of a fight it can be.

More little factoids:

Smells clean & sterile (hospital room vibes)

Book smart - Special knowledge of technology

Likes: helping Scar, seeing him happy/healthy, pranks and mischeif

Dislikes: idk man he's just a chill dude

Passions: tech, magic

Habits/other details: Older than Scar but way less social, cleans/fidgets with glasses when he’s nervous or overstimulated

Active-ish in his environment - kinda bossy sometimes but also super laid-back, doesn’t hold grudges but will take revenge if convenient, very chill but not here to deal with idiots, unless it’s funny, if it’s funny he would absolutely lean into someone’s stupidity, he’s based like that

Special, plot-relevant skills: builds good shit, programmer, magic = activation

Good sleep schedule, but always tired

I shall return with more headcanons in the future so oooo you wanna follow me and read them oooo (/nf)

[harus-simp]

When you call them couple nicknames in their native language

Zhang Hao, Ricky, Brian and Ollie

Warning: none, just really cute moments (in the Ollie one the reader will have their same age or maximum will be one year older)

Author's note: I got this idea thanks to the wonderful haobin video (you all know which). So I searched like different nicknames to call your partner in China so we'll just roll with that :))

If it's not accurate enough please tell me so I can change it :)

°□°□°□°□°□°□°□°□°□°□°□°□°□°□°□°□

Given their hard work and the sacrifice on coming to a whole different country from theirs and learning a different language, you decide to surprise them by calling them with couple nicknames in their native tongue (well, maybe someone had the idea and helped you)

Zhang Hao

☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆

You were texting each other as he was on the planet camp and you were back home doing your own thing

You were congratulating him on his advances on the programme and how he was killing everything he did

Before telling each other goodbye you wrote him a short sweet message that he wasn't expecting at all

-Bye bye 宝贝 (Bǎo bèi)

He literally was speechless and blushing all shy, like 😳😳😳

He smiled like a little kid would

-How do you know that?

He asked it although he didn't need the answer at the moment, he felt so happy that you told him something in his native tongue

He felt butterflies, no fireworks exploding on his tummy

-Did I say it wrong? :((

-No no, you just surprised me, I love you so much <3

Yeah you definitely have this man whipped for you 😩🤌

Ricky

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡

You were cuddling peacefully on your sofa while watching a little bit of Netflix

You both enjoyed your quality time in silence with Ricky's arms being wrapped around your frame and your head resting on his chest

He suddenly got up to go to the grocery store because you were missing something to have as a snack

Before leaving you called him quietly

"亲爱的 (Qīn’ài de), would you get me (whatever you prefer) please?"

He smirked slightly, nodding at you

"Sure princess" 😉

All his journey and the way back he kept thinking of the sweet nickname you used,filling him up with pride and appreciation for you

When he got back he brought what he had bought to the living room and just collapsed on top of you, trapping you in his arms

You giggled trying to pray him off of you without any succes

"Ricky stop please"

"What's the magic word?"

Realising of his previous smile you figured it out

"亲爱的(Qīn’ài de)?"

He moved satisfied to one side but hugged you tighter than before

"I thought that didn't have any effect on you?"you teased him

"Oh, you have plenty of effect in me, believe me"

He's just a flirt, what can I say?😛✌️

Brian

☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆

You were hanging out that day having a nice and relaxing date by the Han River

It was spring, so you were having a walk by the beautiful trees, specially cherry blossoms

When you both eventually got tired you just layed on the grass next to each other enjoying the good weather

You then got closer to him and looking at him you told him

"I love moments like this 亲亲(Qīn qīn)"

Right after you said that you returned to your previous position

He looked at you surprised and a shy smiled appeared on his face immediately 😄

He started giggling like a little kid almost kicking his feet from excitement

You looked at him amused, seeing he was laughing.

"What's so funny?"you looked at him confused

"Nothing, it's just you are so cute" he said pinching your cheeks

Despite his calm and composed nature, you saw a totally new side to him.

But you weren't complaining

And he was living his best moment 😌

Ollie

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡

He is the one behind all his friends s/o calling them cute couple names

Literally so playful and childish we love it

One day after school he was going back home with his friend, aka his crush

They were just talking about school and how their day went

He also told you about the little plan he carried out

You were listening carefully, already aware of the situation because let's say Ricky already had in mind that it was all their maknae's idea, knowing his teasing nature, and told you everything

So you asked him in advance a nickname to call Ollie and make him taste his own medicine

However you warned him not to be anything too loving or more personal because he was still a baby at the end of the day

And you kinda found him cute (liked him back)

Well Ricky ignored you completely anyways lol

So when you both reached your house, where you both parted ways, you said to him calmly

"Well see you tomorrow, 亲(Qīn)" you told him as you gave him a little peck on his cheek and bupped his nose, and entered your house grinning from ear to ear 😁

He stood there in utter shock and feeling how his ears started to heat up, as well as his cheeks.

He suddenly realised the whole situation and smiled cutely

He could have a chance with you!

Maybe teasing the others was useful after all

He turned around and started giving little jumps of happiness going to his destination

Well you were watching him the whole time through your window, and his reaction made you giddy and excited for the future ahead of you both 🤭🤭🤭

°◇°◇°◇°◇°◇°◇°◇°◇°◇°◇°◇°◇°◇°◇°◇°◇°

宝贝 – Bǎo bèi = literally means treasure or precious thing but the English equivalent would be baby or sweetie

亲爱的 – Qīn’ài de = it's used like in English, meaning darling or dearest, regardless of gender

亲亲 – Qīn qīn = variation of the previous one, it means dear one

亲 – Qīn = also a variation of 亲爱的(Qīn’ài de) but has a slang context to it, the closest equivalent would be bae or boo

[wandafiction]

Touch - Just Us Chapter 42

Warnings: Mentions of Abuse, PTSD and Mentions of Surgery

Word Count: 3384

Series List | Chapter 41 | Chapter 43

================================

(Wanda PoV)

I got a message from Nat telling me to come back in, which was weird because I thought she was going to come out. I look back to where Carol, Tony, Pepper and Morgan are in the waiting room. They want to wait till Y/n has spoken to Dr Raynor to see her because they don't want her to feel pressured into speaking. We also had a nice conversation about Y/n and how we all agree she puts others before herself way too much but that is something we can all work on helping her with. Not that we don't love her for looking after us, but it hurts to see that she has the weight of the world on her shoulders and is trying to deal with everything and not let people in. Thankfully she has opened up to me a bit, which Carol informed me was great progress for Y/n especially after only knowing her for a month. 

I'm proud of that fact. 

Anyway back to our schedule programme.

I knock lightly on the door, hearing Nat's voice quietly beckon me inside I almost melt at the sight of Y/n wrapped in her arms. The flashback or episode, whatever we call it, must have taken a lot out of her. I smile lovingly at the pair as Nat plays with the end of Y/n's hair her arm wrapped around Y/n's shoulder the other over her waist, while Y/n's head rests in the crook of Nat's neck. Its quite a funny sight to see because Y/n is over a foot taller than Nat, yet here she is being the little spoon for once: which makes the reality of the situation hit hard realising how small she looks with her body curled in on itself. My poor baby. 

"How was it?" I perch myself on the edge of the bed as I drag my finger up and down Y/n's calf.

"It was good. She opened up quite a bit to me, more than I thought she might." Nat turns her head to look at Y/n a small frown forming on her face as she looks back at me. "I don't like that Steph woman." 

"You and me both Nat." I join Nat in frowning as I think of her and what she has put Y/n through. "What did she tell you about her ?" 

"Just that she would hit her, she didn't say it was abuse but I sort of gathered from her none answer to my questioning. She also mentioned how it started of great with Steph but soon turned into something else." I could cry at the idea of someone hurting Y/n like that, she is so sweet and caring. To use that against her when she was in such a bad place is fucking abysmal. If I ever see her I don't know what I will do, but it most definitely won't be pleasant.

"Anything else?" Y/n shuffles in her sleep her brows furrow slightly making my worry spike.

"No nothing else." Nat turns to see what I'm looking at her face morphing to worry as Y/n starts moving about more, and Nat loosens her grip on Y/n so not to hurt her but her arms still in place just in case. 

"Y/n baby?" A small whimper leaves her mouth her brows almost touching in the middle as Nat starts to stroke around her face trying to get some reaction from her.

"Y/n, I need to wake up." Y/n's body jerks slightly mine and Nats worry growing. 

A few seconds later Y/n's body jolts from Nat's arms, both of us too slow to react as Y/n falls off the bed onto the hard cold floor but it doesn't seem to faze her. Her eyes are tightly shut as her hands scratch at the back of her shirt trying to pull it over her head. Without another moments hesitation I jump from my spot, slowly making my way over to her as to not scare her by accident. She hunches her body over as she finally grips onto her top pulling it over her head and throwing it on the floor, her hands moving up and down her back and then to her front. I hear Nat gasp and realise she has never seen Y/n's scars before, well I guess this is one way to find out about them. 

"Y/n can you hear me." I ever so slowly bend down in front of her making sure all my movements can be seen by her, even though her eyes are shut. "Baby?"

I see her nod, that's a good sign. That's better than what we were getting at Tony's office. I place my knees on the floor so I am matching her slouched height her arms still roaming her body.

"Baby can I hold you?" I hear a small whimper as her hand touches the scar by her ribs. "Y/n, I know it's hard to hear me and concentrate but I can't do anything without an answer." 

"Please." Her tears are a starting to fall to the floor and it's taking everything in me not to cry, it is not what she needs right now. "Please touch my scars I need to know nothing else is there." 

"Okay. Im going to do your back first. Is that okay?" I want to make sure she knows my every move so I don't cause a trauma related reaction. 

"Mhmm." It's all I need to place one hand at the bottom of her neck, where the scar starts before tracing the scar ever so slowly with my fingers putting pressure on it so she can feel my hand. I make it halfway down her back when her had shoots up to hold my wrist, my movements immediately stop but she simply pushes my hand into her more. As I look at my hand and the scar below it I realise it's not just one scar here but maybe two or three. I've never noticed it before because it looked more like a skin blemish or something. It's just a few inches to the right of her spine so I use my other hand to put pressure on that one and her hold on my wrist instantly relaxes. 

I look up to Nat with tears in my eyes, but when I feel Y/n's hand let go of mine I continue my journey down her spine, now noticing more and more scars as we go. I've never actually taken the time to look at them, take them in.

I mean that and she is pretty much always on top so I don't get to look at her back. Not the time Wanda! I know, sorry.

When I make it to the bottom of her spine her body relaxes a lot, her arms wrapping around herself like she is trying to protect herself from something. She leans upwards, her eyes fluttering open for a second before closing again, but not as tightly as they were. She opens her mouth to say something but all that comes out is a croak, so instead she pats the ground behind her. Instantly I get the message, but I keep my movements slow and steady. Once I am behind her I move my legs from under me so they are either side of her my ass on the cold hard flood but I don't care at this point. I look up to Nat.

"Go get Dr Raynor she is in the waiting room with the others." I ask Nat, hoping she will understand that Y/n may not fully let go until she is outside. I feel horrible to have to kick Nat out but I also feel like Y/n won't release her emotions if someone else is here. Hopefully she trusts me enough to let go in front of me, because I don't want her doing this alone. 

"OK, I will be back in a minute." Nat gives me a simple nod before slowly making her way off the bed and out of the room.

Once she has gone Y/n pushes her body back into me making me gasps at the sudden movement, not expecting her to react so quickly to a change in the environment around her. Her back is pressed hard against my front, her head on my chest as most of her body is laying on the floor. She grabs my hands pulling them around her body, pulling my right hand down to the round jagged scar just below her right ribcage. I move my hand slightly putting light pressure onto it, the movement of my hand against the sensitive scarred skin causing a few goosebumps to arise but Y/n seems to completely relax in my hold. Her hands rest against mine as she pushes her fingers in between mine, her finger tips resting in my palm while her palms are on the top of my hands. 

"I've got you dorogoy. You're safe." I rest my lips and chin against the top of her head as I speak into her hair practically.

It takes a few more minutes for her body to stop shaking with emotion, her eyes becoming dry but remain red raw while her cheeks are tear stained. It breaks my heart to see her like this, but I'm glad that I can do something to at least help ease her out of it: even if it's as simple as drawing random shapes or words of affirmation she has me. Her eyes are still shut and have been since she fell off the bed. Oh shit, yeah, she fell of the bed.

"Dorogoy you didn't hurt yourself did you? That's quite the fall you took?" Her eyes flutter open at my question, her head tilting backwards so she can look up at me and I smile at the sight of her and those extraordinary eyes. She shakes her head lightly at me as a small smile tugs at the corner of her lips.

"No, maybe a sore butt. However, nothing else seems to be hurt or broken which is good. I didn't end up with a black eye this time." She huffs out a laugh as I lean down to give her a kiss. 

"That's good then. Dr Raynor and Nat should be up here any second. Do you need help getting back into bed at all?" 

"I will be okay, could you just pass me my top please." Her eyebrows furrow once more, I hate that look on her face it makes me pout. "Sorry, just, did I take this off in front of Nat?"

"You did yeah. But she won't ask questions unless you want her too." I have a question of my own but don't know if now is the right time to ask so instead I ask something else. "Why did you need me to touch your scars?" 

"I had a dream, or I guess you could class it as a flashback. I was back with Sarah and my daughter, then I was in hospital hooked up to wires. It was like an outer body experience while I was in the hospital, I couldn't feel what they were doing to me but I was outside my body watching in. I saw myself on the operating table with my spine being operated on. When I woke up in a daze, I needed to make sure it wasn't real. Trick my brain back to reality."

"So the pressure of my hand on your scars, allowed you to realise that's all that is there and that you definitely weren't on the operating table." 

"Yeah." Y/n pushes herself up from the floor, me following closely behind to make sure she doesn't stumble. She climbs back on the bed tucking her feet under the covers, patting the small space next to her as she leans against the back of the bed. I beam at her and move to sit next to her, I move my legs under the covers but rest them on top of Y/n's. She puts her top back on, then lifts her arm up so I can lean against her as she wraps it around me pulling close. We relish in the moment as the room is engulfed in a comfortable silence, just our soft breathing can be heard. 

There is a small knock at the door, and through the small pane of glass I can see Nat and another woman who I can only assume is Dr Raynor. Y/n waves them in, trying to keep the room quiet for as long as she possibly can. Nat notices the silence so makes her way to one of the seats by Y/n's side of the bed giving both of us a small smile before we all turn to look at Dr Raynor. She smiles at Y/n but turns to me holding out her hand.

"Hi, you must be Miss Maximoff? I'm Dr Raynor, but I go by Christina." I happily lean forward shaking her hand in mine.

"Yes that's me, Wanda is fine please." She gives me a polite nod, turning back to Y/n.

"So Y/n I heard you had a bit of a hiccup today?" Y/n shuffles to sit up straighter dragging me with her slightly so I can remain happily leaning against her.

"I had two actually." Her voice comes across more confident than I expected it to, and I have to hide the proud smile that wants to break out on my face, because smiling right now? Probably not the best timing.

"It's good that you can admit that. Did it happen just now?" Christina keeps going even though me and Nat are still present and I'm not sure how I feel about it, shouldn't this be something between the two of them. 

"I had another flashback, fell off the bed, ripped my shirt off. Sorry about that Natasha. Uh, Nat. Then Wanda helped to ground me. Now I'm here, comfortable and calm." Y/n says it so naturally it's like it's rehearsed, maybe it is to a point. 

"What was the flashback?" I see Nat shuffle slightly in her seat, and Christina seems to notice because she changes her question. "Do you want your friends to be in the room for this session?" 

"Yes." The word rolled off her tongue effortlessly, making me smile up at her leaving a small peck on her jaw. 

"What do they know?" 

"Not enough." I lean my head back to look at her face, disappointment written all over hers.

"Why not?" 

"Didn't get around to telling them." 

"Y/n." Dr Raynor's voice is stern, and it sort of reminds me she is just that Dr Raynor. None of this Christina bullshit, she is Y/n's doctor not a friend. If she wants to be addressed by her first name, that's fine but not from me. 

"I don't know." Y/n's voice almost sounds like a child who is being scolded by her parents.

"Y/n." That's all it takes for Y/n to snap.

"I'm scared okay!" She sucks in a breath at her words as she looks between me and Nat, a pleading look in her eyes. 

"So I will ask you again, do you want your friends here for this session?" 

"Yes." Dr Raynor smiles and nods, bringing the spare chair from the corner of the room to a few feet in front of the bed. We can still see her easily but I guess we only really need to hear her anyway.

"Why?" Is the first thing Dr Raynor asks after situating herself on the chair.

"Why what?" Y/n tries to hide her irritation in her voice, but it can clearly be heard.

"Why do you want your friends in this room?" 

"Firstly, let me correct your statement. Wanda is my girlfriend, Natasha is my friend. So that means your question should be 'Why do you want your people in this room?'" I rest my hand on Y/n's thigh giving it a small squeeze, so she brings her free hand down to hold it and I can see Nat smiling at Y/n's words.

"Okay so why do you want your people in this room?"  

"Because they need to know." 

"But why can't you tell them later?" I get that Dr Raynor is a very skilled and highly recommended therapist but my God do I want to bang my head against the wall with all these questions, I would lose my patience at her and shout. But this isn't about me, so I can't. 

"Because I won't have the strength to tell the story twice so close together." Me and Nat turn to look at her, and she bows her head at the admission. 

"Ladies, you seem to have questions. Go ahead." Dr Raynor opens up the floor to us while Y/n seems to be collecting her thoughts.

"What story are you making her tell?" Nat is the first of us to speak.

"Y/n is going to recollect the day of the accident from start to finish. We have been working on training her brain on desensitisation. So when she has a reaction to something she can normally gain control back easily and ground herself. Today caused a lot of past trauma to resurface so when she tried grounding herself the copying mechanism didn't work because her brain completely shut down on her. So by making her tell the story it's like kick-starting her brain, because we will use her coping mechanisms throughout the story." Dr Raynor explains it in a way that we can understand and so we know everything that is about to happen.

"When you say past trauma, do you mean just the accident or do you mean her ?" It's the first question to pop into my mind after the explanation.

"If by her you mean Steph. Then yes, the way Y/n's brain and body react to things is due to the trauma which was not only caused by the accident but by Steph as well. Now I will not go into detail but it wasn't great for Y/n's PTSD for obvious reasons. So even though this may feel like a massive step back in progress I can assure it's not. It's the first time in a long time since we have had one of these episodes, and after being in zero contact with Steph for over 7 Months it has helped a lot. Anymore questions before we continue?" 

"Just one." Dr Raynor looks at me motioning for me to continue. "Is there anything more we can do to help make sure we don't trigger, I don't know if that's the right word. But to stop us from doing something that can trigger a trauma response? Or some way that I can help her during an episode as she called it, where I don't have to ask if I can touch her because she doesn't always hear it when I ask." 

"The word is trigger. Y/n doesn't have many but she has a few. We can discuss after she tells the story and I can give you some information on how to teach Y/n's body how not to react to yours so you don't always have to be so careful with your touch. It will also allow her subconscious to recognise your touch and should help ground her more. It can take a while, and at times be frustrating when you feel like it isn't working. But we can work on it if that is what you both want?" 

I turn to look at Y/n, wanting her to make the decision whatever she is comfortable with doing even if that means not doing it. She looks up at Dr Raynor then to Nat then to me a smile playing on her lips.

"It's what I want. I want Wanda and Natasha to be able to help me." Dr Raynor notes something down in her notepad before facing the three of us.

"Let's get started."

================================

[vampkomori]

Ratio might be a Candelagraphos scholar

*The Candelagraphos is a school of the Intelligentsia Guild. theyre the so-called "printing department" of the guild.

despite having known Ratio for (arguably) a while, we still dont know what he actually does! funny. hes overall mysterious and we dont actually know anything about him, but we might be able to find out what he does at the guild/ or what hes planning to do.

^ emotional support ratio

lets start chronologically, im going to build this up again slowly for context, but also because i want to compile what Ratio actually does, so into the post it goes.

We know that he works with the Technology Department of the IPC as an outsourced science consultant. This is to be expected, because Yabuli, the head of the Technology Department, is also the controller of the Intelligentsia Guild.

- File Repository: Ally — Interastral Peace Corporation Headquarters, at the Seat of Divine Foresight

In the IPC trailer, you can see Ratio's bust in the bottom left corner-ish. The voiceover also says "Join us and team up with the Intelligentsia Guild!" So, its likely that the guild exclusively (or primarily) works with the Technology Department when the IPC requires aid.

Moving on to Ratio's qualifications/his 8 doctorates to establish what kind of fields he works in:

He has 8 doctorates, namely: Medicine, Philosophy, Natural theology, Mathematics, Physics, Computer science, Engineering, and Biology. (7 of his 8 degrees are mentioned in his character story, but his 8th (computer science) is only mentioned in his trailer)

From this we can gather he regularly publishes books and papers, invents machines/medicine, and does regular ol' research.

great job pookie. based on this, lets try figure out which of the guild's schools he would fit into:

Synesthesia School: Mostly known for its Synesthesia Beacon, the tool that lets you understand and speak languages. They mostly seem to focus on communiation-related things, as Herta says their next research focuses on "remote communication technology".

Ratio could probably thrive anywhere but he is not shown to have language-related interests or research, so this ones unlikely.

Astral Ecology School: Focus on Astrology/Cosmology, they study the void song whale, radiant jellyfish, and other organisms of the galaxy.

Highly unlikely. This one has nothing to do with his kind of science.

Armed Archaeologists: Very exploration-heavy. They do galactic exploration and archaeology. On the Interastral Peace Broadcast, its said that they discovered a miniature galaxy and recently unconvered the tomb of Rubert I.

Also highly unlikely. Ratio does science and is also a teacher, he doesnt go out into the universe to explore.

Quantum History School: This school is allegedly a bit of a scam. they used to try and "find the influences of disturbance and patterns of change hidden throughout history", but now they just scam you with calculation-based fortune telling.

No comment.

Candelagraphos:

Ill just add Hertas summary of it and marked the relevant passages.

Author✅ Ratio is a published author of multiple books and papers.

Programmer ✅ He has a doctorate in computer science and works with the Technology Department, so he likely knows how to programm.

Their altruistic philosophy ✅ literally matches Ratio's to a T.

"The science of the guild is gathered here" ✅ Ratio does science.

Naturally its possible that the guild has more schools than just these ones, but. well anyway lets keep going.

In 2.1, Ratios goal in Penacony is specifically to get Stellaron Research Papers from the Family.

"achieved what he desired" (to which he replies, "Thats true.") So, Ratio is doing research on Stellarons. interesting! this is a surprise tool that will help us later.

Anyway, Ratio was invited as a science consultant to Hertas space station, and its possible that it was during the events of Crown of the Mundane and Divine that the IPC allied with Herta

- Interastral Peace Broadcast Radio

Herta is known for a lot of things, but shes also one of the only people whos been able to seal a Stellaron and keep it "dormant", to the point that the Stellaron Hunters specifically used her sealed Stellaron for the Trailblazer.

Although Himeko later says that no one, not even Herta, has found a way to destroy a Stellaron.

Its interesting that Herta is emphasized, likely meaning that shes basically the universe's Foremost Expert On Stellarons. Naturally, the IPC allying with her couldve been for other reasons too, though.

In the same broadcast its said that the IPC has been doing research on Stellarons with the Intellgentsia Guild's support, and currently, their results are promising.

So, the IPC does research on Stellarons, recently allied with Herta who happens to be a bit of a specialist on Stellarons, has the guild's support, and recently Ratio acquired Stellaron Research papers, implying that hes the one doing research on it.

Fun bit: Stellarons are called "Cancer of all worlds" and technically what theyre doing could be considered "trying to cure cancer" which is funny because Ratio's a medical doctor and that absolutely sounds like something hed do.

But what school in the Intellgentsia Guild would do research on Stellarons? None of them seem to really have anything to do with them? how would you even classify Stellarons? biology????

Worry no more, I have the answer:

The Candelagraphos

Theyre requesting data on Stellarons for their experiments. I rest my case (bows)

that was kind of the conclusion. Ratio's department is absolutely the Candelagraphos, hes doing research on Stellarons with the IPC, and it is undoubtedly going to be very very relevant in the plot (soon? ish? eventually).

id love if we got more lore on him once that happens. He absolutely has ties to the Laurel Wreath Galaxy and the Philosophers Union. Maybe that wont be relevant in the Stellaron Chapter but. well, theres ample foreshadowing that Emperor Rubert is going to make a comeback and he was the reason said galaxy and philosophers even perished and Screwllum recently uncovered his tomb alongside a member of the guild? so??? pretty please. thank you 🙏

Ratio stonks will rise

[panelshowsource]

hi, sarah! i see you've watched a lot of british panel shows/comedians and i need a specific recommendation: where to start with dara o briain? he's right now my favourite taskmaster contestant ever and after listening to his episodes on the tm podcast and off menu, and watching him on wilty, i'm completely in love with his humor and manner of speech. what are the "must see" things he's done in the past? he's such a prominent figure in british tv but idk how to choose what to watch next

i have watched a lot of panel shows...you got that right hehehe...

i'm happy for you that you found someone you really like and get to explore a lot of new content! i gotta say, that doesn't happen often for someone quite so famous and prolific like dara, so it's fun for me to think back to all the stuff he's been in :')

he's a comedian, but he's also known for being mr big smarty pants, so he's done a lot of comedy programmes as well as smarty pants programmes & documentaries. you may choose to start in one of these distinct directions if there's a side of dara you like best! let me start with a few of my own faves...

he's probably best known — definitely by my followers, but also in general — for being the long-time host of the news-focused panel show mock the week, which JUST ended after 17 years. of the panel shows about news, of which there are many, this one is the most accessible and the most silly. dara is a GREAT host and has hilarious dynamics with the regular panelists, especially his literal best friend ed byrne (who we heavily stan). in fact, on mtw, you'll also see lots of other taskmaster contestants you may recognise, including panel captain and cult fave hugh dennis, frankie boyle, russell howard, and ed gamble. i know 17 years is A LOT, so if you've never seen the show and aren't sure where to start, i'm gonna recommend you give series 15 a go — as a new-er panel show fan, i think a more recent season like this one will be most accessible. also, this compilation of comedians roasting dara on mtw for half an hour is fucking hilarious lmaooo

dara has been on tons of panel shows as a panelist opposed to hosting, and you'd be amiss not to catch up on him on qi! one of stephen's smart lil boys and a clever laugh, he was made for that show. you can find dara's episodes here and i have all of qi linked on the masterpost! if you've never seen qi here's a silly clip that is mostly sean being one of stephen's naughty lil boys but it's a great example of the learning a lot/learning absolutely nothing dichotomy that can happen with a great panel (including dara!!)!

apart from that, i'd highly recommend you watch his stand-up! i put two specials on drive for you, 2012's craic dealer and 2015's crowd tickler (sorry for the mid quality — they're just dvd rips). these are pretty perfect for blossoming dara fans because they're funny, witty, clever, goofy — all the things we love about dara at once!!

as for my final personal recommendation, you should definitely check out dara & ed's great big adventure, a bbc two miniseries where the besties travel along the pan-american highway! they have top-tier wholesome bantz, ed is very fucking goofy (you will find quickly that being a fan of dara is being a fan of ed hahaha), and they explore some very beautiful cultures. i will work on getting decent rips of the show for my drive, but in the meantime you can watch this on dailymotion!

it would be amiss if i ended the recs here, because dara has hosted a lot of different series — but these series are based around very specific interests of his. some of the big ones include the following: go 8 bit, one of his most recent shows about classic and indie video games, very nostalgic with fun guests; science club (if you need full eps of this lmk, i should be able to get them but it will just take a lil time) and school of hard sums, nerds talking about science and maths, def have qi vibes; and the underrated stargazing live, broadcast every winter and when dr brian cox & our fave amateur astronomer mr ó briain talk about stars and shit! these are less necessary watching and more worth watching if the topics tickle your fancies~

okay i hope that helps!! there is obviously so much more to his career — including his many books — but i think this is overwhelming enough and i hope you don't mind the long post! feel free to catch us up on what you're enjoying down the line, we love dara and hearing what others love about him too :')