#which is why it sounds so dogshit

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Not to be uhhhh annoying, but Karkat's theme and Eridan's theme from Alterniabound at the very least have to do with each other.

Both of them start off with a melody, but switch it up at around 0:06 seconds. Then once again another switch at 0:52 (almost perfectly in sync).

At around 1:06, Eridan's theme goes slow and sad, and on the other end? Sounds of tediousness(TM). Barking, Super Mario ghost oooohing that sounds like rolling your eyes, and vaguely digital soundbites.

And THEN, at around 1:23, Karkat's waltz resumes, and Eridan's theme also becomes a waltz (more or less at 1.25x Karkat's speed).

Karkat's music ends at 1:57, WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT Eridan's theme kicks up. And then a "Hey!" is heard at 2:03/2:04, a couple of seconds after Karkat's theme actually ends. Quite literally: "Karkat pay attention to me. Hey. Karkat. Karkat. Karkat." lmao.

And guess which theme also loosely follows this pattern? Terezi's. A canonical crush of Karkat's (A lot more out of sync, though). Kanaya's theme doesn't, however. Much less Vriska's, or any other theme in Alterniabound's album.

Of course all of these songs follow a pattern, and they're made for the same [S] Pages. Karkat and Eridan's, though? Almost completely in sync.

I dunno, maybe I'm trying to fit triangles into square holes, but it seemed worth mentioning. I genuinely tried listening to both at the same time in two different tabs but I couldn't get much out of it.

(This is nosyDetective btw, I just can't send asks from this blog bc it's not my main 😔)

Unfortunately, the similarities seem pretty superficial - eridan's theme is mostly in 4/4 (2/2 technically because its a march) and karkat's is in 3/4 the whole time - but still, here's the two 3/4 parts mashed together for your listening pleasure, hahah.

[monsterfactoryfanfic]

if I've learned anything from grad school it's to check your sources, and this has proven invaluable in the dozens of instances when I've had an MBA-type try to tell me something about finances or leadership. Case in point:

Firefox serves me clickbaity articles through Pocket, which is fine because I like Firefox. But sometimes an article makes me curious. I'm pretty anal about my finances, and I wondered if this article was, as I suspected, total horseshit, or could potentially benefit me and help me get my spending under control. So let's check the article in question.

It mostly seems like common sense. "...track expenses and income for at least a month before setting a budget...How much money do I have or earn? How much do I want to save?" Basic shit like that. But then I get to this section:

This sounds fucking made up to me. And thankfully, they've provided a source to their claim that "research has repeatedly shown" that writing things down changes behavior. First mistake. What research is this?

Forbes, naturally, my #1 source for absolute dogshit fart-sniffing financial schlock. Forbes is the type of website that guy from high school who constantly posts on linkedin trawls daily for little articles like this that make him feel better about refusing to pay for a decent package for his employees' healthcare (I'm from the United States, a barbaric, conflict-ridden country in the throes of civil unrest, so obsessed with violence that its warlords prioritize weapons over universal medical coverage. I digress). Forbes constantly posts shit like this, and I constantly spend my time at leadership seminars debunking poor consultants who get paid to read these claims credulously. Look at this highlighted text. Does it make sense to you that simply writing your financial goals down would result in a 10x increase in your income? Because if it does, let me make you an offer on this sick ass bridge.

Thankfully, Forbes also makes the mistake of citing their sources. Let's check to see where this hyperlink goes:

SidSavara. I've never heard of this site, but the About section tells me that Sid is "a technology leader who empowers teams to grow into their best selves. He is a life-long learner enjoys developing software, leading teams in delivering mission critical projects, playing guitar and watching football and basketball."

That doesn't mean anything. What are his LinkedIn credentials? With the caveat that anyone can lie on Linkedin, Mr. Savara appears to be a Software Engineer. Which is fine! I'm glad software engineers exist! But Sid's got nothing in his professional history which suggests he knows shit about finance. So I'm already pretty skeptical of his website, which is increasingly looking like a personal fart-huffing blog.

The article itself repeats the credulous claim made in the Forbes story earlier, but this time, provides no link for the 3% story. Mr. Savara is smarter than his colleages at Forbes, it's much wiser to just make shit up.

HOWEVER. I am not the first person to have followed this rabbit hole. Because at the very top of this article, there is a disclaimer.

Uh oh!

Sid's been called out before, and in the follow up to this article, he reveals the truth.

You can guess where this is going.

So to go back to the VERY beginning of this post, both Pocket/Good Housekeeping and Forbes failed to do even the most basic of research, taking the wild claim that writing down your budget may increase your income by 10x on good faith and the word of a(n admittedly honest about his shortcomings) software engineer.

Why did I spend 30 minutes to make a tumblr post about this? Mostly to show off how smart I am, but also to remind folks of just how flimsy any claim on the internet can be. Click those links, follow those sources, and when the sources stop linking, ask why.

[gremlingottoosilly]

Lego still not sponsoring me (dark!Konig x fem!Reader)

Konig is a nerd who needs to get sprayed with water for being a fucking creep. You're an adorable cashier at the Lego Store in Berlin who doesn't know any better and is too nice to lose. He will have you. Mostly because he wants someone to do his Lego sets with.

Details count: 2922 AO3 TW and Tags: Dub-con/Non-con, age gap, size difference, kidnapping, awkward colonel Konig, nerd Konig, hurt/comfort, Konig's POV(mostly), awkward German, yandere Konig.

You didn’t want to build Millenium Falcon with him. 

You didn’t want to shower or eat, you didn’t want to do anything besides crying, and even though your tears, as he expected, were beautiful and adorable, it was kinda hard for König to take care of your mental and physical needs while he was rock hard from watching you cry so sweetly. 

König is patient, kind, and a model citizen through and through. Why are you upset? He is doing everything he can, just to make you smile! Seriously, Schatzi, the desire to make him as miserable as you possibly can doesn’t make you pretty or cute or even the least bit adorable. Good thing that he is used to feeling sad and kinda of bullied – you’re lucky he doesn’t even try to feel good anymore. Not in his destiny book to live a good life. — I brought food. 

You groan lightly, whimpering somewhere in the corner of his basement. To your justification, his basement is a bit dirty. He forgot to visit the house for months after deployment, which was never enough to fill out the blanks of loneliness in the empty rooms. His dogshits methods of choosing decorations also made the mere existence in the house a hard mission even in itself. He looked at the anime posters in the guest rooms, which made him want to sell the property to anyone willing to pay 50 Euros for the processing fees. The posters(Sword Art Online because why the hell not, he likes cool swords and a power fantasy about a loser getting the chick) and artwork of his queen and savior, The Busty Blond Lady From Fate because, unlike those waifu-obsessed freaks, he did have a life and not enough time to actually remember her name. Something about light sabers. Or cats. — Are you going to kill me? 

He sighs because you sound like a broken record. All the time – the questions about his intentions, like you can’t see the tent in his pants every time you open your eyes, about letting you go, about at least allowing you to text your family that you decided to change your country of residence and would need to revoke your German visa. You’re way more soft than he thought you’d initially be – no fighting, no arguing, just pure terror and desire to die every time his hands brush over you. König is a sweet guy, as sweet as someone like him can be – but he only has a few weeks until his next mission, and even a few days of your moping around is bound to make him not just blue-balled, but also very, extremely, offensively hot-headed. 

He spent two days with you chained up in his basement and, he thinks, that should be enough for foreplay. He is extremely generous and kind – usually, at this point, he’d already start breaking the fingers of whoever poor fuck is his torture victim for the mission. 

— I don’t want to kill you. 

You whimper – somehow, his answer didn’t calm you down. Fucking women and their inability to talk to their kidnappers – he considers spiking your food just this once, so he could have a nice session with your little drunk self and some roofies but, of course, he is a nice guy who brought you takeout in a reheatable container, with a cute plastic fork and some sparkling water in a glass, just so you won’t feel like he is making you eat some garbage. It’s good food, too – he’d love to cook like this, but the heights of his skills are runny eggs and burnt coffee. He hopes you like the Italian because it’s the most inoffensive stuff he could have brought you without resorting to pizza and cup noodles. He will never let you eat cup noodles on his watch. 

— Are you going to rape me? 

He can’t exactly say no because, as a matter of fact, pulling your cute body under his is one of his intentions. He wanted to do it since he was you in this fucking store, but, of course. saying this to a pretty girl is lame. And completely counter-productive. And would make him a villain in your eyes, even though he tries so fucking hard to be a hero. He can make you feel good if you were to just open your pretty legs for him and moan under his tongue – god knows, he wants to make you feel good. He wonders what would it take for him to please you. If he could have a full-time job at this. 

— Nein. Thought I told you already. 

— I don’t…I shouldn’t believe you. 

He shook his head, pushing the plate(he had to go out of his way to actually put the pasta from the tray to a proper plate, enjoy this, woman) towards you. You’re adorable like this – naked, trembling, a bit too weak to actually fight him over not eating anything for the past two days – you’re repeating the same conversation over and over again and König wouldn’t mind living in a groundhog day if the loop would end with his fucking you on that thin mattress each time. 

Speaking of mattresses – he needs to get you a thicker one. 

Speaking of thicker mattresses – he needs to relocate you into his bedroom as soon as possible. 

Speaking of his bedroom – he is fucking bricked. 

— If you don’t trust me, why do you ask? 

You bite your lips. He can see you’re hungry and thirsty – he doesn’t want to forcefully feed you, so, yeah, you better be very hungry very soon. He pushes the plate towards you, hoping you won’t launch it on his head. He survived worse, a 6’4 British dude in a ski mask falling on him with the speed of Brexit, but getting hit by a plate when your angry girlfriend is being an angry girlfriend is…the best thing that could ever happen to him, actually. Gott, he is miserable. 

— I…I don’t know. Don’t want to get killed. 

— I won’t kill you. 

— But you will hurt me. 

— I don’t have to do that, Liebling. 

No, he doesn’t. 

But he sees the way your plushy thighs are squeezing into that tiny corner where your mat is, your squishy body getting all shaky and trembly, your lips in a tight line with tiny blood droplets from biting on them too much – and, by his fucking god, you’re beautiful. He wants to make you wet, to make you squirm, to make you beg and cry for mercy as he pounds into the sweetness of your cunt. He wants to try you on the inside and out, lick you all over from the inside, and then make you lick your love juices from his lips. 

König knows he is hard and can’t really hide it – it’s useless now, really, he is being very nice and considerate to you. Changing your life is hard, especially with how quickly you moved to his place – like a good boyfriend, he should help you adjust. And aid you in recognizing that he is, in fact, your boyfriend and future husband. The perfect partner to ever exist. — What is it? 

— Pasta. It’s…it’s good. Should be good. He is nervous, anxious. Seeing a pretty girl in her natural habitat – a Lego store – is one thing. He was barely able to talk to you properly, especially right after his deployment, where the only female attention he ever got was Roze asking to cover her or additional female soldiers groaning in pain as he stomped them. But you…he shouldn’t be colonel around you – absolutely not. You’re soft and civilian, you’re as polite as a girl in a basement could be, and you deserve to have something nice for once in your life. Licking his lips, König gently picks up a fork and presses a small amount of pasta – rich, creamy, with some nice cheese that smells divine - -against your lips. 

You refuse.

A smart move, he could have poisoned it – so he thinks for a few seconds, staring at you like a smart girlie you are, and then – lifts his hood. If only barely, revealing his scarred chin and bruised lips. The initial swelling after getting his head bumped by a guy who was speaking like an edgy teenager in the Counter-Strike lobby was already gone by the time he managed to get you into his basement – but no amount of rest could hide all other marks from his job. 

Despite being a seasoned mercenary with hundreds of killed targets and completed objectives, he feels…insecure. You’re a nice girl, a good girl, the type that used to look at him with hatred while he was bullied at school. Hatred or pity – but you only look at him with fear, and it cements his understanding that you’re not going to give in to loving him so easily.

König sighs deeply, his lips, curved into that awkward, boyish smile that creeps on his face every time he as much as thinks about you, now transforming into a scowl as you proceed to whimper and try to get lost in the wall behind you. Like he wouldn’t be able to track your scent if you would disappear. He slowly presses his fork towards his mouth, chewing on the food – showing you that it’s not poisoned. 

He smiles again when he sees you slowly parting your lips, expecting him to feed you with less of a fuss. He’d propose something else – maybe even untying your hands and allowing you to actually for yourself, but something in your helpless state made his cock throb in his pants. God, König knows he isn’t his strongest soldier, but could he please make you less adorable? He doesn’t want to push you on your knees and make you suck on him until he whimpers, but the way you lick all of the cheese from your lips and try your best to look presentable in front of him… The process of feeding someone shouldn’t really be sexual, but König gently pushes the hair away from your face and lifts up the fork over and over, sometimes only changing to bring a glass of water to your lips. He can do this all day. Every day. Pleasing you already becomes second nature – and he spends most of his life thinking that the only thing he can take care of is his rifle and a few tortured enemies that need their teeth extracted. You require gentle handling – and he wants nothing more but to give you that. Just…a bit later. Preferably after the already came in your pussy at least two or three times and made you choke on his dick as a little thank-you gift. 

You finish eating after a short while, thanking him for bringing you a napkin to clean your lips. König gently caresses your head, enjoying the sensation of your hair under his palm – it’s like petting a cat. A soft little pet just for him and no one else – if only he could actually bring you to like him. He has a few bond activities in mind, though. — You liked it, ja? 

You lick your lips again, and his breath hitches. This is going to be hard, this is going to be impossible, it’s worse than having to work with high Krueger on a ship that made everyone feel like they were the ones doing crack in the backroom of their makeshift base. 

— I…I did. 

He pets your head again like you’re his pet – and you gently move your head to lean into his touch. Perhaps you’re dumber than he thinks. Or way smarter – a clever strategy to make him relax and nice to you without making him too suspicious. You slowly get back into your corner, but König wouldn’t have any of it – he drags you back by your arm, making you whimper and sob in his hold. It’s bad, he doesn’t want you to squirm from under him as much as you do, but…if you don’t want to be a good girl, he might as well force you to. 

You cry as he pushes you deep into the corner, his hands roaming over your body. Thank god he ripped your clothes before you woke up – now there isn’t anything protecting you from his hands, not even that adorable bra he ripped in pieces because, as much as he loved wearing a uniform with straps and buttons everywhere, he could not figure out how to take this thing off you without breaking it. The last time he was sleeping with a woman, she wore a sports bra that could be taken off easily. It’s your fault that you decided to be more girly, really. Not his. 

His hands cup your breasts roughly. Tugs and twists your nipples, a few shaky moans telling him exactly how sensitive you are – he might not have a girl in a hot minute, too busy with being the best freaking mercenary in the world, but even he knows how to take care of a pretty thing like you. Your tits fit in his hands perfectly, even more, reasons to believe you were just made for him. Not for some lame job at a Lego store counter – you should be waiting on your knees in his bedroom, with your mouth open wide and neat to fit his cock right in. With some sweet things lingering on your tongue as he bullies himself right in, getting what he deserves for protecting peace – and installing violence – while doing his job. He might not be the best freaking guy around, but he deserves something nice. 

He pinches your nipples until they’re firm and swollen, every little cry escaping from your lips is only encouraging him to proceed. Licks on the open skin of your neck until his eneve stubble makes you whimper from how sensitive you are – it should be painful, he thinks, with how bloody the little bite marks from his teeth have become. 

König marks you as thoroughly as possible, smiling each time you cry and beg for him to stop. You’re changing between bad German and good English, between loud cries and small whimpers, which he can’t determine from pleasure to pain. Not like he cares, too determined to make you cry his name – even though you probably don’t know it. All of his desires to claim you taking full power now, not listening to the way you plead with him. Whimper for him. Your skin is a clear canvas, allowing him to paint you with hickeys and marks, enjoying the little blood droplets covering your collarbones. 

— Quiet, please. Don’t…don’t move, Schatzi. I don’t want to hurt you. 

— Please, please, just…anything but… — Won’t take long. Promise. 

— I don’t want to- — Quiet. I know you don’t, Liebling. Just…Scheisse, you…fuck. 

— Stop! — Can’t. I apologize, Schatzen. Relax for me, ja?

He whispers, he whimpers, he is almost out of his mind when he can finally put his tongue on your swollen nipples. For some weird, depraved reason, he almost expects the milk to start flowing from your chest, allowing him to drink up as much as he wants. If he could get you pregnant, he might enjoy it for a few months – although having a kid on his hip isn’t as fun as it could have. He tried to babysit Hutch kids once when he brought them to base – and it was the worst fucking day of his life. Besides, little children can’t be around Legos – it's already a deal breaker for someone like him. 

Speaking of legos…

You wiggle in his grasp, as good as you can with your hands still in the handcuffs – he should give you that one, at least you aren’t just laying lifelessly in front of him. At least you’re putting up a fight. At least he doesn’t feel too bad about restraining you without proper reasoning. You lick your lips again, that cute tongue of yours going over all the bite marks. You take a deep breath, shaking in his hold. God, he can just look in your face the whole day – barely knows how to handle himself around you. — I…I thought you wanted to…build this set with me? Smart girl. Way smarter than he gave you credit for – you know how to make him stop in his tracks and finally look at you differently. Maybe, you’re too good for him. Maybe, he doesn’t really care about that. Millennium Falcon, still sitting in the box – König hoped you’d start slowly putting it together but, seemingly, you need a bit of encouragement. The only thing that could tug him away from your breasts is the expensive set sitting just next to him. 

Might start bonding with you as well. He tugs away from your nipples with a loud pop, an obnoxiously wet sound emerging as a thin line of saliva connects your breasts and his tongue. You whimper when he smiles, that scarred face of his twisting in a huge grin. Knows he’s not the most charming person around, but it’s not like you have any choice now – not with the limited options he gave you. Like a good girl, you’d probably pick doing Lego Sets with him than taking his cock in that tight pussy of yours. He’d be satisfied with any outcome. — J…ja. I’d like that.  He has to give this one to you – you really know how to get a man going.

Bu building this insane set with him, that is.

[sturnioloszn]

IN LOVE WITH A CRIMINAL - C.S

summary; after almost being caught committing murder, chris reassures you that everything is fine and helps you relieve some nerves...

warnings; smut, mentions of committing a crime (murder), gun kink.

a/n; i'm lowk stepping out the comfort zone w this one, so if it's dogshit, we know why. btw, if u don't understand the relationship, chris and y/n work together as hitmen (or ig hitman and hitwoman).

I sit on the edge of the bed, leaning down to undo the straps on my black heels. I'm usually focused on how sore my feet are after wearing heels for several hours, but my mind is engrossed with one thought.

It wasn't uncommon for Chris and I to be paired together for hits; actually, we worked well as a team. But tonight didn't go as smoothly as it was meant to.

It was supposed to be a straightforward night; while I kept the ambassador distracted, Chris would take him out.

Unfortunately, my charm worked a little too well, and the ambassador wanted to "find somewhere more private," so we kept changing locations, meaning Chris couldn't take the shot easily.

We eventually managed, but the authorities were on scene immediately, which wouldn't have been the case if we had stayed at the original location. Due to this, we were almost recognised, but we fled the scene just before they could recognise us.

Yet, I can't help but feel paranoid. I know what line of work I'm in, and yes, I know the risks, but it's still an insanely scary thought. What if they saw my face? Would I have to be a fugitive? Would I have to live the rest of my life in the shadows to prevent from being seen again?

Fuck.

The sound of ammo hitting the bathroom counter snapped me out of my anxiety-ridden thoughts. I slowly stand up from the bed, stepping out of my heels and heading towards the bathroom in the hotel room.

I reach the doorway and see Chris at the countertop, he's clearing the gun that was used tonight. I lean against the door frame with my arms crossed over my chest as I watch his hands work the gun. I won't lie, Chris was hot as fuck, he had a sharp jawline and a beautiful side profile with gorgeous brown hair that fell over his forehead.

But it doesn't matter how sexy he was, there's no way anything could happen between us, especially with work. It would just get way too messy.

"Do you think they saw us?" I ask, breaking the deafening silence that was lying between us.

"No," he replies coldly. I know he was somewhat upset at me due to the fact that I couldn't keep the ambassador in one place, making his job harder.

"There were a lot of them... what if they did see our faces?" I say, now beginning to share my inner conflicts with him.

"They didn't. Stop stressing," another cold reply.

"They saw us leave though, we had to have looked suspicious, right?" I question once again. I could sense he was getting annoyed at all my questions but I really couldn't help it.

"We're fine," he huffs, as he sorts through the unused ammunition. I watch his fingers work diligently, organising everything so carefully. I wonder what else his fingers would be good at.

Fuck, I really have to stop thinking these things, because I can only blame myself for the dampness in my panties right now.

"Listen, it's not your fault, okay?" He sighs, turning his head to finally look at me. I think he feels slightly bad being so harsh on me, even though it really isn't my fault that I'm so hot.

I nod at his words, dragging my eyes to the floor to avoid eye contact. He takes a few steps towards me and places his index finger under my chin, tilting my head high enough so that our eyes could meet.

"I mean it...I'm sorry for being a dickhead," his words are soft and sincere, almost enough to make my knees crumble completely. "And no, I'm sure they didn't see us. Stop stressing your pretty little head about it,".

He's so close that I can almost hear his heartbeat, and the small touch he has on my skin is enough to burn up my entire body. There's no way he can't see the effects he has on me.

"What can I do to ease your mind, hm?" He says, moving his finger from under my chin and using his entire hand to cup the side on my face; his thumb caressing my blushed cheek softly.

"Nothing, I'm fine...I probably just need some sleep," I say. But even if I take him up on his offer, what is he really laying out on the table? Maybe I'm reading too far into this.

"Nothing? There's absolutely nothing I can do f'you?" He asks, lowering his head to my neck and planting a soft kiss there. I lean my head back, surprised by his actions.

Chris and I have been strictly colleagues, and other than the occasional flirty joke, there's not been anything else between us... until now.

"Chris..." I whisper, almost as a warning, as if someone could catch us at any moment.

"Hm," he mumbles against my neck, still peppering small kisses. I sigh and give into his touch. He feels me surrender, and he moves his hands to my curves, drinking them in with every touch.

"This dress looks so fucking good on you, y'know that?" His words are barely recognisable, so I weave my hands through his hair and tug his face away from my neck. I guide him towards my lips and it doesn't take long for him to crash his perfect, plump lips into mine.

The kiss is instantly hot, burning even, and the feel of his hands all over my body definitely doesn't help with the heat. His hands slip down to my ass, grabbing handfuls. A light gasp leaves my mouth, surprised by his direct actions.

"Can I make you feel good?" He asks, briefly pulling away from my lips. There's a look of hunger in his eyes, which makes him look even more irresistible.

"Please, Chris," I reply pathetically. By now, my panties are soaked, and we're both still fully dressed. God, what is he doing to me.

I feel him reconnect our lips and slide his hands under my ass to my thighs. I feel his arms tense, and my feet lift the ground. He places me onto the bathroom countertop, and I wrap my legs around his torso.

His hands find my hips again, but instead of stopping there, they continue downwards towards the slit in my dress. His right hand slips under my dress, and he reaches for the fabric at my hip.

He invites his left hand under the dress, too, finding the fabric on the other side of my hip. He tugs both sides down, removing my panties completely.

He looks up at me, his cold, blue eyes meet mine. I've never seen anyone with eyes as pretty as his; they really are his best feature.

"Do you trust me?" He asks, his eyes locking me in a trance. I nod, unable to get any words past my lips.

"I need you to use your words," he speaks again. If he keeps speaking like this, my composure will be out the window any minute.

"Of course I trust you, Chris," I say, wondering why he's even asking me that. He then turns and grabs the gun next to him. What is he doing?

He returns his attention back to me and slowly spreads my legs. My dress rides up, leaving me more than accessible to him.

"Fuck, look at how soaked you are and I haven't even touched you yet," he groans, and I can see the buldge in his trousers form.

He then does something that I would have never dreamed he'd do.

He took the barrel of the gun and ran it between my folds, lathering it in my fluid. The cold metal of the gun against my hot core makes me jump slightly.

"C-Chris... what are you doing?" I ask, my breathing getting shallower.

"Shh, just let me take care of you and ease your worries," he says, his eyes never faltering from my dripping cunt. I throw my head back and enjoy this new sensation that I'm being guided through.

Then, out of nowhere, I feel the gun slip into me. No way he's fucking me with a gun.

"Fuck, Chris," I say, bucking I'm hips slightly. I'm not completely opposed to this idea but it's definitely something new.

Thank God I saw him take out the bullets otherwise my stress level would be through the roof.

He starts pumping the gun faster and faster, and a familiar heat is building in my stomach. Moans start spilling from my lips uncontrollably and my hands find their way to his hair again.

"Chris, p-please... don't stop," I say, at this point I'm fucking the gun back, and I'm so close to euphoria.

"I wasn't planning on it," he breathes out. A few strokes later, and I'm spamming around the gun, letting my wetness coat it as Chris' name, along with a string of curse words, leave my mouth.

He slowly removes the gun from my hole and looks at it in wonder before turning to me.

"I've never been more turned on in my life," he says, his eyes bouncing back between me and the gun.

I'm sure I look a mess right now, I'm panting heavily, my hair is frizzy, and mascara is likely running down my face, yet Chris doesn't think twice about calling me beautiful.

"What does this mean for us?" I ask, pulling myself down from the countertop, grabbing onto Chris to steady myself.

"I've liked you for a while, y/n, I was tired of pretending like I didn't need you," He admitted. My cheeks are definitely blushing, and not because I just orgasmed.

"Me too... but what about work?" I question, work is the main reason I hadn't made my move. I'm already a criminal, I can't be in love with one, too.

"We'll make it work, now stop worrying about everything, I'm going to run you a bath, and you're going to relax," he says, placing a soft kiss on my forehead.

a/n; well... I don't think this is too horrendous (if it is, keep ur mouth shut otherwise i'll cry). alsooo, 151 notes on my last fanfic?? u guys are insane but i appreciate it sooo much, thank youuu and love youu smm 💙

[hivesfics]

ok wrote this half asleep and have never written for reid before because i’m not smart enough to so forgive me if this is ooc or dogshit

cw: nsfw under the cut, sub-ish spencer, calling him a good boy, face-sitting, reader is described as having a vagina but no pronouns or other descriptors used.

the only way you can get spencer to shut up after a long day, not that you don’t like hearing him talk, is to sit on his face and not let up until you’ve cum on his tongue at least twice.

even then, he’ll try to talk against your cunt. muttering praises to you as his tongue glides along your wet cunt. sucking and licking at your clit before pressing his tongue inside of you. his nose pressing just right against your clit.

“taste s’good.” you can vaguely hear him muffle against you.

it makes you laugh, raising your hips away from his face. he looks up at you, his eyes glazed over and pupils dilated.

“why—“ he whines and god is it a delicious sound.

“whole point of this is to get you to stop talking, honey.” you laugh again, feeling his hand try to pull your hips down again so your cunt is flush against his mouth again.

“please.” he begs, just a bit of pussy making his IQ rocket down to an all-time low.

you oblige, sitting back down. rocking your hips against his face this time, to which he moans like he’s the one being pleasured.

if you were on your back instead, you knew he’d be rutting into the mattress.

you cum a total of 4 times that night before lifting up off his face and collapsing beside him.

“now will you hush up?” you look over at him, watching as he rubs his jaw.

spencer nods, looking blissed out. he definitely did not cum in his pants just from the taste, smell, and sound of you.

“good boy.” you whisper before drifting to sleep.

[pseudophan]

Please send screenshots of the subreddit that sounds so funny

this was my original post which like again i fully assumed would just get immediately deleted by the mods and potentially get me banned (would be a blessing) i just had to get it out there because i was losing my mind. however it turns out the moderation of this sub is dogshit which explains a lot

and then it started an absolute war but the main highlight is this wynter person who is just... so mad

they also started arguing with other people in the same thread with that same attitude like bskhbfdgjks i love when people enter a comment section just SWINGING but then they can't keep it up at all. like i'm so obviously just trying to piss you off why would you keep replying when your entire point is that people have better things to do than care about these things... which, by the way, claiming people have a life and don't spend all their time on reddit is extremely funny when according to your post history you leave 20+ comments a day

they replied to the last one but all the notification preview showed me was "you call ME condescending when you're the one throwing a tantrum like a toddler because-" and i want to know what the rest of it said sooooo bad, it must have been really mean if it got autodeleted lmfao

anyway i feel much better now, that was good for the soul <3

[olderthannetfic]

I'll be honest i have a lot of……..activism burnout? ok, that's not a good word to use in this context, but I have 'whatever the less serious version of that is', in regards to AI.

Like, I'm not saying AI is good or that I enjoy seeing it or that I'd use it for fandom stuff. But this whole paranoia about it is just….i dont care. And I know that I should. And I DO I care, I guess, in some ways, but this whole "OMG AI IS EVERYWHERE" "AI IS KILLING FANART" "THIS FIC SOUNDS LIKE AI" (which can be used as both an accusation and also as criticism).

like, sorry, i genuinely do not care that there's AI art on pinterest or that there's an AI fic in a ship tag or that Kids These Days use character.ai as opposed to talking to real people. (with a caveat of "if AI is banned on pinterest/ao3, yeah, you have the right to bring up that specific factor." i ALSO don't like it when AI users give themselves more credit than they deserve, by saying like "omg look at this art i made with AI" no bestie you did not in fact make that art.) but this whole thing where people are weirdly obsessed with loving to hate AI is just exhausting and it really makes me not care.

it really isn’t that deep and it's not a topic i give a fuck about it (i say after having just written several sentences on the matter). like i dont like ai art and i really really dont like fucking AI chatbots on technical support websites or whatever, but also i dont think the world is gonna end because someone had chatgpt write them a story or a recipe or a cover letter or something like that.

i get that AI is annoying and that 99.99% of the time anything made by AI is gonna be dogshit compared to something a human made and that it can be very disappointing to see AI after AI in a tag or something but also the asshole part of me is like. 'oh, you hate ai? you think it's killing fandom culture? awesome, great, should we throw a party? should we invite nikola tesla?'

i think part of why ai wank pisses me off so much is cuz its everywhere, as its the hot new topic, and i'm aware that there is a lot of hilarity in me contributing to this argument especially considering my opinion is very much the unpopular one that people will not like, but even with blocking words like "ai" or "gpt" or whatever it's impossible to fully avoid cuz opinions will still slip through the cracks somewhere, or show up on a website where you can't filter, or some rando is always gonna be talking about it in offline settings or whatever, and it's all in the news, and i'm just tired of hearing about it constantly.

--

[judasgot-it]

I wanted to write something really quick for Jouno's birthday ngl, so here's some really cheesy dogshit

Happy Birthday to the blind king himself (ugh I miss him)

Scenario: Calling Jouno while he's at work. It becomes a little silly.

As much as Jouno hated the telephone, he hated the sounds of his coworkers even more.

What were they yelling for? It's four in the morning.

Who's even up at four in the morning?

Apparently them.

Every day. For the last 2 weeks.

Usually, he could have slept in for at least 3 more hours. Have a coffee that didn't taste like piss and tinfoil (everyday he hated whoever made the coffee in the lounge, no one would tell him the name of the moron who cheaped out on it. They weren't safe from him.) and get to tell his woe's to someone who didn't have rocks for brains.

But no. He was stuck here, at HQ, listening to reports that led their current case to nowhere.

Which led to yelling. Always yelling.

So answering the phone was honestly rather refreshing.

"..."

He waited a second. Why should he, of all people, speak first?

"Hello? Is Jouno there?"

Jouno felt time pause for a moment. He stopped, listening to the other members in the room.

They seemed rather distracted, not truly paying attention to what he was doing. Teruko and Tachihara were arguing and Tecchou was...he smelt gross, so probably working out.

"Sorry, who is this?"

He really hoped he was hearing wrong.

"Jouno, c'mon you know who I am. Why, is something wrong?"

When did you have their number? As far as he recalled, only government officials were ever given this number, and even that is far and few in between. He never let you know much about his work.

"I'm not trying to buy anything."

To Jouno's dismay, that failed miserably. Instead, all he heard was your laughter on the other side of the phone. Did you really think his misery was funny?

"If I find you, I'll kill you."

Jouno made threats as a part of his day-to-day life, it was easy to fake it towards you. But a part of him felt how he was cracking easily, hearing your obvious giggles as they thought of the next line to say.

"Ok ok. Sorry I know you're busy at work right now. But I really did call for something really important."

Taking a moment, Jouno sighed as he leaned against the small desk that held the phone. He waited a bit, listening to see if the others in the room were still ignoring him.

As much as he hated it, they seemed to actually notice that the "bad-things-are-happening-please-help" phone was called. His luck really is immaculate.

"How did you get this number again?"

There was a guilty laugh on your end. What had you so happy?

"Some other day, maybe. But that's not important! Jouno."

Jouno gave a very long sigh.

"Jouno, today is your birthday!"

"Yes."

He was really hoping he was as good of an actor as he thought he was, because he couldn't help how his heart was beating twice as fast at the thought of you remembering something so small.

"Are you coming home tonight?"

There was a pause.

Jouno didn't want to respond, because he hated the answer. Truthfully, he didn't know when he would have a 'normal' (for a hunting dog) workday.

He didn't even want to admit out loud how much he missed you.

"Oh, ok. You know, after your 'case' is over, we should get to celebrating. I have the perfect gift for you already, which definitely involves no clothes."

"No."

There was a pause on your end. He hated telling you no. Weird, since frankly breaking people's hearts was his favorite past time.

"Good idea. Uh..."

Jouno forced himself to listen back into the conference room, which was now weirdly quiet. There was also a small heartbeat very very close to him.

That was not a good sign.

"Thank you. Um."

He turned his head, bell-jingling against the phone, as he knew Teruko was looking up at him -probably with a shit eating grin.

"...I love you."

Sighing, he ate his pride, turning away.

"I love you too, Jouno. Happy birthday."

You sang it, not forcing him to endure the entire song. He hoped he was tall enough and facing enough away that Teruko couldn't see the smile on his face hearing those words.

When he hung up the phone, hearing the click and shut off the landline, he was forced to face his reality.

The one where he couldn't stop hearing his coworkers giggling. Particularly Teruko's, but even Tecchou was laughing somewhere deep in that stupid body of his that managed to breathe air.

He wanted to kick him.

"I didn't know you were in a relationship."

Tachihara said this nervously, but still with a smile in his voice.

"I'm not. I don't know who that was or how they got that number."

It was hard to say this seriously, as Jouno could feel the red creeping up on his face.

Happy birthday Jouno omfgggfgfg when is he coming back </3

[androgynousblackbox]

OKAY, so I haven't actually finished the book yet so maybe my opinion on this will change, but I honestly feel like the gringo booktubers I watch all have no idea of what to do with Tender Is The Flesh and are fundamentally wrong about it? Like, saw someone trying to say "this book tries to criticize the food we eat rather than the industry", which sounds like absolute fucking bullshit to me because a BIG portion of the fucking book is all about how the industry is treating "the meat" like fucking dogshit and how the characters themselves, the ones who work inside of the industry, are disgusted whenever anyone even attempts to say there is something good about it. There is this constant cognitive dissonance where the characters know what they are doing is inhumane and awful, that they are treating "the meat" horrible, but it's their job, what are they going to do, and at the same time they feel it crosses a line whenever someone call "the meat" human or are even beyond inhumane when someone says the meat "have a good life" because they get treated as studs. Also, like in general, I feel all of them miss the part about this author being argentine and thus how that colors their vision of how the industry works. The biggest industry in all of the argentina, the one that gave us any kind of possibility to survive in this world, was the meat industry, we actually fucking need it because we have nothing else to offer, and yet, all the powerful people who are involved with the meat industry in this work are all foreigners: a japanese man who collects skin of people and threatens his employees with skinning them alive, a gringo, that is literally called gringo, and a german man who is to utterly dettached that has no issue calling "the meat" human and also make inhumane comments about them. At that point is very obvious to me that this isn't about just criticizing an industry, but criticizing a system to whome the industries are merely a reflection of. It's not about the world, it's about a country being so set on their old ways and traditions that are literally willing to eat each other if it means having a foot in the outside world. Because otherwise we have fucking nothing. And this ALREADY fuck us over in the real world. The protagonist is literally the representation of that! He literally asks himself why he keeps working on this shit if it makes him miserable? Because he is the best at it, because he gets paid and he needs the money. CAPITALISM ALL THE WAY DOWN, BABY. Like, the meat food industry is bad, but also think about why they are bad and why the powerful people want it to be bad in the first place. Like, the books says that indigenous, immigrants and other POCs are the first humans to being eaten. The poor and elderly. Why do you all think that is?? Like, I just generally do not understand how you can read that and come out thinking "this person just wants me to be vegan and I don't like that"/"this person doesn't criticize the food industry", like I am a very fucking firm believer that vegans who spend every breath trying to make you vegan are shit and just eat whatever, but even I got that it was meant as something else than that. And how people keep saying that the ending "comes out of nowhere" when it's literally foreshadowed at the beggining at the book while doing the world building? Were you even paying attention at all at that point? Like, I literally saw someone being "I think this book overstimates how much it would take for the world to be okay with cannibalism", like THAT IS NOT THE POINT. The point is not to write "how it's a world where human meat is mandatory", but rather explore the idea in which the way we ALREADY eat each other gets taken to it's extreme. LITERALLY WHAT ALL DISTOPIA FICTION DOES?? Anyway, again, I might change my mind when I finish the work myself, but even by reading the start myself and knowing a bit about the background of this author, I just do not get any of these reviews at all.

[obsessivestar]

'What If It's All A RomCom?' - a Ted Nivison x Reader

{{-I'm gonna let y'all figure this one out LMAO-}}

// General Warnings: 18+ Fic MINORZ DNI, Reader implied to be afab and under 5'5. \\

// Chapter Warnings: Ted's ex mentioned, (no name drop n not throwing shade), subtlety. \\

// Word Count: 3.5k \\

☆▪︎▪︎▪︎Taglist!▪︎▪︎▪︎☆

@k-k0129 , @callsign-scully & @limecorpse

☆Love Ya To Death!☆

Chapter 15: Rose Coloured

The warmth in my stomach shifts for a moment, and I feel a little nervous. I watch as Ted moves the blankets up to cover our lower halves, sitting up a bit and leaning against his pillow. "I....think hangin' around me is making your pillow talk worse.." I make a light-hearted joke as I sit up as well, trying to ease the tension that was now filling the room. It was a pretty heavy thing to drop out of the blue. What started as a funny little conversation in his Tacoma has begun this big, almost unnecessary mystery. He's choosing one hell of a time to finally talk about it.

"I know, I'm...I'm dogshit at this sort of thing.." Ted gave a soft, nervous sounding chuckle as he lays back against his pillow. "And I hate that I can't do it sober, but....I think I've kept it long enough...from you.." Wow. Fuck. This is really happening. It hits me like a tidal wave, making me place a hand on my bare stomach. I realize that I truly have no idea what this big secret could be. I quietly search my memories of our first conversation, desperately trying to find any context clues that would give me an idea of what to expect. The only thing I knew for sure was that he was at Joe's wedding, but didn't stay for the reception. That gives me...nothing. I have no idea what he's going to tell me, I have no idea what to be ready for. That's making me incredibly nervous.

"Ted...should I be worried?.." The words leave me before I'm able to filter them, my playful smile completely gone. Fuck, this is why I stopped smoking. I'm paranoid for nothing. This is clearly hard for him. He trusts me, I should trust him too.

"No! No...m-maybe? I--" Ted cuts himself off, his usual confidence seems to be slipping which at least assures me he's trying to be honest. He runs his fingers through his dark hair, the usual height of it sticking to his sweaty forehead. "I-I mean...I-I'm probably gonna look like a huge dick for fucking you senseless before telling you, but...I don't know, you...do something to me. You always have, and it..." He pauses and let's out a deep sigh. "...it drives me insane."

That last little sentence is a lot more reassuring than he probably thought it'd be. Even if I'm nervous, I want to make this as easy for him as possible. If we're really gonna have something special, it needs to have honesty in there with all the tension.

"Always? What, are you about to admit you've been stalking me for the last two years?" I ask with a lighthearted smile, trying to ease the tension once more.

"No! Oh my god, no. Never." Ted nearly shoots up out of the bed, sitting up more briefly before letting out another nervous chuckle. "Okay, on Instagram, maybe, but no. I've--I've stayed in L.A., an entire state away from you, I swear..."

"Then it's okay, Ted. It's okay..." I reach for his hand to take it into my own, giving him the most reassuring smile I could muster, looking into his eyes as I speak. "Look, I'm not gonna sit here and claim some sappy shit like 'I know you, you'd never hurt me!', because it's been less than a month of...this.." I pause to gesture around the not-so foggy room, the lingering smell of cannabis still in the air mixing in with the smell of sex. "I mean, I didn't even do any of this...casual shit until I met you, and...I'm pretty sure that means it's real, right? How we're feeling?..." I felt like I was rambling, but I could see that my words were reaching Ted.

"Yeah, yeah it's real.." Ted spoke up with a little nod, giving me a small smile. "I'm not gonna lie and say I've never done casual shit before you, but...yeah, I can feel it..."

"I don't want you to lie, Ted.." I reply, bringing both of my hands down to hold his, shaking my head a little. "I promise I'm going to listen and hear you out, no matter what it is. If it's upsetting, we'll talk about it. If it's not, we move on and...probably have more good sex, imma be real." The tension between us is cut by my little joke. Ted let's out a cackle, looking up at the ceiling.

"Yeah, yeah it's--It's pretty great.." He replies, his tone a bit hoarse.

"Surprisingly good, right?"

"Yeah, it--it fucks with me, dude. It fucks with me."

"And I'm in your bed for a change."

"Yeah, you are."

"You know why?"

"Because the sex is good?"

"Not just that, it's because I like you, Ted. I like you..."

I see Ted's shoulders visibly relax and he turns to look at me again, his amused smile shifting into a warmer, almost infatuated smirk. I watch as his eyes search my face, quietly taking in my features before taking another deep breath, nodding a bit to himself before speaking again.

"Alright, so..." Ted speaks and looks back up at the ceiling again. "When I went to Joe's wedding, I...went with my girlfriend at the time. She was my date. We'd been together for...about a year or two by that point, I think.." I notice that he isn't looking at me as he's explaining himself, but I understood why. Based on the way he was squinting and searching the ceiling, he was trying to recollect as much as he could.

"There was this really nice wine they were serving before the ceremony. I'm not even a wine kinda guy, but I had...a few glasses, so did my girlfriend. Anyways, I..." Ted is holding onto every word a little longer as he speaks, I can't completely tell why. Maybe he's being very careful with how he words this story, or maybe he's stalling for as long as he can until he has to say the part he's clearly worried about.

"I...I used to consider myself a pretty romantic guy." Ted admitted, gesturing with his free hand as he talked. "Like, I liked doing things, sharing stuff. I'd always have some dumb fuckin' date planned every other week. We'd go hiking, we'd go on a road trip, I'd get some fuckin'...stupid expensive restaurant reservation just so we could make fun of how expensive everything was while willingly giving them our money; knowing we were giving them our money. I...I don't know, I liked doing things together, even if they were dumb or didn't go completely according to plan. I guess you could say it's my love language? Or It was? I don't know.." I quietly remind him that everything's okay by giving his other hand a gentle little squeeze. All of that sounded wonderful. I'd love to make all of the dumbest plans in the world with him after this film was done. I'm hoping I can bring that side of him back.

"...What happened?.." I ask after a moment, tilting my head at him.

"Well...maybe my love of sharing experiences was a bit much, cause...I had made some comment about having our own wedding sometime or something..." Ted glances at me as he speaks, shaking his head a defeated sigh. "I-I can't remember exactly what I said, but whatever it was, it was big enough to freak her out. She flipped at me, we got into an argument and then she left.."

Hearing that made me feel both confused and frustrated, visibly furrowing my brows. That sounded like a strange thing to get upset about, especially if you've been dating for over a year or so.

"She left the whole wedding?" I ask, not even trying to mask my confusion.

"And me." Ted replied with a little shrug, his gaze moving to his closed door. "Like, an hour before the ceremony."

If this were any other guy, I'd feel like he was leaving something out, but based on the somber look on Ted's face I know he's telling the truth. That's it. He made a comment about having a wedding with his girlfriend and she flipped out and left him. Her reaction made no sense in my head.

"What???" I let go of Ted's hand to shrug both of my arms out. It's like the disbelief you get when your favourite show or book has the worst, most cop-out bullshit ending of all time. It sounded like bullshit. "That's it? Over a comment about fuckin' marriage?"

"Yeah." Ted simply nodded, placing both of his hands on his bare chest. "I think I had said something like 'another moment we could share' or something, and she just...I don't know, she--she lost it."

"So it wasn't even one of those dumb 'ball and chain, I hate my wife haha' jokes?"

"No."

"What the fuck???"

"Yeah, I know. I-I still don't get it either."

The more Ted won't look at me, the more I have the urge to reach over and touch his face, but I keep my hands to myself for now. I genuinely couldn't fathom a person having such an overreaction over such a cute comment. The only thing I could think of is maybe she was having a bad day? Maybe she was overwhelmed? Maybe she thought he was genuinely proposing then and there and flipped out? Still, why wouldn't she at least hear him out?

"And that was it? You guys didn't talk after the wedding?" I ask, sitting up more. I know this isn't what he wanted to talk about and I felt a little bad for not dropping it, but this was just...bonkers.

"Yeah, that was it. Ended at a wedding." Ted confirmed with another little shrug. "Her friend came and got her stuff from my apartment and that was the last I'd heard from her. Probably could've tried harder, but...I just knew it was done."

I couldn't imagine breaking off a near 2 year old relationship over a simple comment about potentially getting married. I'd have understood if the comment was made before the 6 month mark, but 2 years, man. 2 whole years, thrown out the fucking door. Even I wouldn't be that petty.

"So..." I speak up after a moment, clasping my own hands together. "...How do I fit into this? Do you think I had something to do with it?"

"No, I hadn't even noticed you at that point. It was after she left.." Ted shook his head, resting more on his back as his gaze went back up to the ceiling. I watch him take in a deep, heavy breath. Whatever he's about to say, it's been weighing on him not even since we've met, but since that wedding itself. Whatever it is, I'm ready to hear it. I just want him to be honest with me, and with himself.

"After she left, I was...a pretty decent mess.." Ted explained, moving his hands a little as he spoke. "I drank more wine than I probably should've; way more than I should've. I wanted to look chill, I wanted to look fine, but everyone asked where my date went and I just got frustrated. I sat in my seat, watched the ceremony, watched all the bridesmaids go up on the stage, saw you stand near Joe and then after, I..."

Ted finally turns his head to gaze at me fully once again, his dark orbs meet mine as he trails off. His dark eyes are moving side to side as if they're struggling to pick an eye to look into and I watch his somber expression fade into something I don't recognize, his eyes almost looking glassy. Whatever he wants to say, he's silently struggling with it. I raise my brows a little and give him a gentle smile to try and silently encourage him. I want him to know it's okay, that he can trust me. I hope he knows he can trust me.

"....I...I was too upset to approach you, so I left.."

Ted finally finishes his sentence, his tone simple, almost stern, like a strict parent that had made up their mind. He's a lot more relaxed than he was before. All of the tension surrounding him was gone, as if it were never there. Silence fills the room as I put all of the pieces in my head together. That feeling of disbelief enters me again, my eyebrows furrowing once more. That's it?

"...That's it?" I ask after the long pause, shrugging my shoulders lightly. "You didn't approach me because you were upset?"

"...and because you were just..." Ted breaks his gaze away from me to look up at the ceiling again, slowly shaking his head. "...beautiful. Too beautiful."

"You didn't approach me because you were upset and I was 'too beautiful'."

"Yes."

"So--wait.."

My eyebrows are lowered so tightly I feel like I'm going to get a headache. I close my eyes and sit up completely, sitting up on my knees.

"So you goto your wedding with your girlfriend..." I begin, holding my hands out with my fingers pressed against my thumbs, recollecting his whole story to him. "You goto the wedding with your girlfriend, you drink a bit of wine and you make a comment about having your own wedding, she freaks out and leaves you, you drink more to cope, you see me up with the bridesmaids and because you think I'm so beautiful, you...panic and leave?"

There is another silent pause between us after I repeat back everything he's told me.

"....Yeah...That's it." Ted finally answers, turning to look at me once more. "I..panicked and left.."

I don't know if it's because I'm still high or whatever, but that sounded...kinda dumb. Very dumb. I guess that's a good thing? This is technically best case scenario.

"So...what part of that were you specifically afraid of telling me?" A breathy chuckle leaves me as I ask, feeling the tension in the room begin to fade with the remaining cannabis smoke. "The coming to the wedding with your girlfriend part? Or the 'you were so pretty I dipped' part?"

"You weren't the only reason I left.." Ted gave me a small smile and playfully rolled his eyes at me, sitting up more to face me fully. "I just, I don't even know anymore, it was so long ago..." Ted runs his fingers through his dark hair, getting some of it to stay off his forehead. "I just remember seeing you up there and...it's like I was there for you, I completely forgot I was supposed to be watching two motherfuckers get married, there was just you." Our eyes meet once more. I see the true infatuation Ted has for me in his glassy eyes. I feel like I can see right through him, but I'm only seeing the best of him.

"But, at the end of the day, you were Joe's Maid of Honor and I was some fuckin'...stupid wine-drunk asshole who had just been dumped, so...that's why I didn't approach you." Ted glanced down at his lap. Everytime he's paused, it's like he's been thinking about exactly how to put it, purposely choosing particular words carefully. It's not that he's speaking slowly, no. He's speaking carefully, almost cautiously. I'm aware of it, but I figured it's because this is a lot for him to talk about. "I guess I just thought you'd think I was...pathetic. It worried me."

"What, you were worried I wouldn't think you were cool anymore?" I let out a soft chuckle, inching a bit closer to move some of Ted's hair out of his face.

"I...like having a good reputation..." Ted expressed with a warm little smile, taking my hand in his to rest it against his cheek. "It was stupid to hide, I know."

"Yeah, it was. It kinda was." I confirm with a playful little laugh. "I don't know why Joe was so adamant on you telling me that. I'm not offended or anything, it's...kind of sweet."

As I mention Joe, we both lay back down and pull the covers over our bare bodies. Ted's smile fades a little as we lay down, furrowing his brows at me. "Joe wanted me to tell you?" Ted asks, his tone a little hoarse again. He seemed a little confused by that. "He wouldn't tell you anything?"

"Yeah, I asked him about it first. He insisted you tell me." I emphasized, shifting a bit close to loosely wrap my arm around him, taking in how his warm skin felt against mine. "I guess it's a pretty romantic story if you think about it. As much as I wish I had met you sooner, I think you made the right choice to leave.."

Silence fills the room once more. They're starting to make me a little uncomfortable, like he's going quiet because of what I'm saying. I hope I'm not upsetting him. "...and we're together now, right? That's what matters.." I give him a fond smile, feeling my bare chest lightly brush against his. I see him relax fully again, slowly wrapping both of his arms around me to pull me into a warm, almost possessive hug.

"Yeah, that's what matters..." Ted whispered to me as I laid against him, feeling him give me a gentle peck atop my head. "I wouldn't of been good to you then. I think this was the perfect time..."

"You think so?.." I glanced up a little from his prickly chest to look at him, watching as he gently shook his head.

"After I got dumped, I got...I got stupid.." Ted admitted, another deep sigh escaping him. "Said things, did things...I-I wasn't myself. I wasn't who I wanted to be, connection wise, y'know what I mean?" I give Ted a small nod and a reassuring smirk, continuing to listen as he spoke. "Like, even before we met, even before we really connected I'd been...." Ted pauses and stammers a little, a half-chuckle leaving him. "It's gonna sound sappy as fuck, but I'd been working on myself a lot. Yeah, I'd look at your Instagram every so often, pretty sure I've been following you since that wedding, but I wanted to be my best self, even after I'd accepted I'd probably never see you again; that I had fucked up my chance. I couldn't do hook ups and, what do they call them?...'situationships' forever."

Ted's confession is genuine. I think this is the most honest and vulnerable he's been with me since we've met. I appreciate it more than he'll probably ever know. "So when you stepped into this fuckin' house with Tanner last week, I..." Ted exaggerates his tone, looking down at me with a smile. "I can't begin to describe how fucking terrifying that actually was."

"Terrifying?" I let a laugh leave me, raising a brow at Ted. "I'm terrifying now?"

"You are. You're fuckin' scary, dude."

"I'm scary?"

"You're hair-raisin', yeah."

"How am I terrifying? I'm half your size."

"Well, it's how I feel that's terrifying, actually."

I feel my cheeks go a bit warm from the subtle blush spreading along them, exhaling a quiet scoff out my nose.

"Because...now you're here." Ted continued, a nervous smile curling up the corners of his lips. "You know me, you've talked to me, said my name, kissed my lips, and if I somehow fuck this up..."

"Ted, you're not gonna fuck anything up.." I scoff a little at him again, bringing one of my hands up to caress his cheek, having him look me in the eyes once more. "Maybe most people would probably think it's a little fucked up that you got them high and slept with them before confessing all this, but what matters is that you trusted me enough to be honest and I'm not upset. I'm not uncomfortable or offended and I've always thought you weren't cool, so you've got nothing to worry about."

That last comment succeeded in getting a good laugh out of Ted, watching him shake his head a bit. "My point is that I...I believe in us, I guess. I believe in you." I give him a reassuring grin, caressing his cheek with my thumb. "I'm proud of you for finally sharing that with me. I'm as ready as you are to stick together. I'm not going anywhere, I promise. You can tell me anything, alright?.."

Ted leans a little into my touch, his worried expression softening into one of infatuation and tenderness. He pulls me into his prickly chest once more, lightly nodding before resting his chin on the top of my head.

"Yeah...anything.."

I hear a little waver in his voice as he speaks, but I figured it's just cause we're tired. I don't even think we're high anymore, though I can't recall where it would've worn off. All I know is my throat is sore and my legs are shaky but my body is warm and my heart is content.

I fall asleep to the feeling of Ted's hand slowly caressing my bare back, my dreams filled with wine glasses and roses.

__________________________________

Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 (smut) || Chapter 7 || Chapter 8 || Chapter 9 || Chapter 10 (smut) || Chapter 11 || Chapter 12 || Chapter 13 || Chapter 14 (smut) || Chapter 16 || Chapter 17 || Chapter 18 (smut) ||

[stars-n-spice]

The Dad Batch™ as things my dad has said/done:

Hunter:

asks questions about things and immediately answers himself like he knew the answer already or someone suddenly possessed him to answer himself

the only Korean movies he's ever shown us are war movies that are depressing as FUCK

had a Temu phase and for Christmas bought EVERYONE a blanket from them

explained his relationship with my mom to a coworker as "I live with her"

Mixed up my name with the dog

Had nice, long, beautiful hair but recently got it cut so short that he was depressed and moping for like a day about it even though HE wanted to cut it short

changes his age every time he tells us about when he came to America (he was either 14, 15, or 16)

Echo:

always sings "A Whole New World" for his karaoke song

apparently lied to the Korean embassy about going to America to "study" (has not been back since outside of visits to family)

my mom sent him a grocery list and he responded with "asking too much"

does not understand the words "bruh" or "huzzah" - along with all the other Gen Z slang (that even I don't understand sometimes)

would let me play Candy Crush on his phone but would take it away because I wasn't able to finish the levels and he didn't like me wasting his lives

calls my mom's cat "the baby"

got a PhD in his second language

Wrecker:

snores like a motherfucking freight train and sneezes like he's trying to break the sound barrier

learned how to cook/grill via YouTube (and is actually REALLY good at it)

wanted to show off his taekwondo skills (of which he has NONE) in elementary to a girl and said he'll kick a water bottle off her head - instead he ended up kicking the girl right in the face

Is married to a Mexican and thinks Taco Bell is the best (for some reason???)

Loves opening up presents more than the actual present itself (he'll always say that he doesn't need anything around Fathers Day, his birthday, or Christmas but then when he DOESN'T get anything, he gets upset)

takes a selfie and sends it to the family group chat every time my sister's cat comes to sit with him

Tech:

after his first date with my mom, he bought her a whole case of bottle water and left it at her dorm room door with no note or anything because he noted that she "drank a lot of water" during the date and thought she really liked water

was excused from mandatory Korean military service because his eyesight was so fucking awful, just absolute dogshit (and this was AFTER surgery)

asked if anyone needed to use the restroom on a road trip right before the exit and my younger brother said he needed to and my dad responded with "too bad" and kept driving

While we were watching Lord of the Rings every time I gasped or something during battle scenes or when Legolas did something cool, he went, "Don't worry. I think it's all CGI. That's all computers. It's not real."

Somehow knew his way around Texas the first time he was there after he was sent on a grocery run by my Tíos for a party they were having - y'know, before gps and google maps and shit

Crosshair:

frequently forgets my name and birthday but remembers that my favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip

when my mom asked him where her birthday gift to her from him was one year all he did was cover his face and then did like a "peek-a-boo" motion to claim he was the gift

as a kid he got so upset at dinner once that he flipped the table over and got into so much trouble (claims he doesn't remember why he was so upset)

will ask the cats about their day before asking my mom or my siblings and I about our days

sits in the dark and plays COD on his phone at full volume as a way of unwinding

[spectrechosts]

Dressed Up To The Eyes - Chapter 6

Surprise!

Full Series

Jester was so, so fucking quiet.

Stealth was not her strong suit, nor were surprises, but this was important.

She loomed over Medusa, fast asleep, and gently gently gently so so gently uncoupled her faceplate and backed away from the bed. She took it to her table and set it down, her workspace illuminated by her dim phone light as she picked up a tiny screwdriver and got to work.

By all accounts it was a simple procedure, just take out the old chip and put in the new chip. This didn't stop Jester from sweating through the entire thing, hands shaking as she delicately replaced the component and reassembled the faceplate. Carried it back to the bunk and slotted it into Medusa's head.

Her eyes flicked open.

"Jester? What're you-"

She blinked and sat up, placing her hand to her cold metal jaw.

"Jester. Jester Jester Jester Jester-"

She spent a moment cycling through vocal settings, exploring the capabilities of the new chip.

"Jester, what the fuck?"

The voice she settled on was still rather monotone. Jester found that curious, but whatever, wasn't her choice to make.

"Surprise!" She said, beaming.

"Jester you should have asked me before doing this."

"If I asked you would have insisted you were fine with the old chip, even though we both know you weren't." Jester said, arms crossed. "I kept it anyway, we can swap it right back."

Medusa settled back into her bunk, rolled to face the wall.

"…I don't want to swap it back. It's just- It's complicated. Okay? I like it, I do."

Jester sat beside her and placed a hand on her back.

"So why's it complicated?" She asked.

"I don't know. It's a step."

"Steps are good."

"Steps invite opinions." Medusa grumbled. "A robot being a robot is one thing, a robot taking steps to pretend to be human is another."

"But you are human."

"For years I haven't been. The robot voice is detached, it's safe. People assume the mask is on purpose if you don't act like you want to take it off."

"We can put the robot voice back, if you need it."

Medusa sniffled, which was new. Non-word vocalizations used to come out as unintelligible tones.

"I don't want the robot voice." She sobbed. "I want to take the mask off so bad. I want a face and a body and if I let myself want them I don't know if I can handle not having them."

"It's okay, we can figure it out together. I've got your back every step of the way."

Medusa reached behind her and took her hand, pulling it close.

"It's not going to be easy. Or fast. And you are not surprising me with more parts you bought yourself, that isn't- I don't want to put that on you, and I don't want that hanging over me. This is a one-time thing."

"Yeah, totally." Jester said, nodding. "No more gifts. But this one is good?"

"Yes, it's good. Come back to bed."

~

As far as Jester could tell, if most people cared that Medusa had a slightly less robotic affect they weren't drawing attention to it. Benefits of scaring the shit out of everyone, she guessed.

The only one she knew had an opinion on it was Scáthach, because she was Medusa's partner and also scary and thus had no issue bringing it up.

With her, not Dusa.

"Uh, is her voice different? I hadn't-"

"Don't play dumb, clown. I'm trying to be nice here." She said, not sounding at all nice. "I know you know her deal, I know you did this, somehow."

"…Swapped the new chip in while she was sleeping."

Scáthach grunted, whether approvingly or disapprovingly she couldn't really tell.

"It's close enough to her voice. And she can sing, she was singing along with the radio on our way back from the last mission. She couldn't do that before."

"Y-Yeah, I guess the old chip wouldn't-"

"No, before before. Tone deaf, sounded like dogshit. Now? Perfect. It's different. Better, but different."

"Oh." Jester said. What was she supposed to say to that?

Another ambiguous grunt.

"Yeah. She's happy. You did good."

"Tha-"

"But. If you fuck this up, if you get her out of her shell and she gets hurt because of it-"

Jester nodded solemnly. "You'll kill me with laser beams."

"I will strap you to the heatsink of my rifle and let you fry as I kill other people with laser beams."

"Christ."

Amused grunt.

"Good talk, kid. Don't fuck up."

[uninformedartist]

So a review on Helluva boss So2 ep 6

Ok so gonna break this review down into positives and negatives with my additional thoughts.

Positives:

So always start off with this, big props and love to the animation team we know know and see your struggle working under Vivienne and animating her over-complicated designs. Props to the BG team really stunning backgrounds, was actually a bit over the top for me (Ozzie's palace and especially the dildo factory shit was moving way too fast) but did pause to have a look at the BGs it is really pretty, the shit pacing made everything a visual blur tho.

VA work stunning love always a joy to hear Alex and James in any VA work tho Fizz's song was eyyy not the best but don't blame Alex it was a shittly written song in general especially when it went to the heavy metal part, overstimulating af and again shit pacing during the song and the flashing visuals gave me a headache. Striker's new VA, Ed's voice really grew on me he should've been Striker in the 1st place because I know for a fact Norman couldn't reprise his role for future episodes.

I loved Ozzie and Fizz's relationship especially the end scene where you can see Ozzie development or got hold of the best technology to give Fizz functional limbs, was a tender scene their relationship and interactions made me smile. I'll give Viv 1 ty for not fucking up their relationship, ty Viv (I can be nice to her :). Tho 1 scene that bothered me... the 12 sec Ozzie dong scene 💀 my soul it was just so jarring especially with the fast pacing. Felt like a race car coming to an immediate stop then speeding off again. Would've like the scene replaced with Fizz telling Bliz something nice about Ozzie, why Fizz likes him. I'm tired of queer couples/pairings in this show describing their partner in 2 ways, 1. how good they are in bed or 2. they got x anatomy that's amazing. But its Viv writing this ep, sigh her and her damn middle school sex jokes I'll let it slide.

Now negatives:

I said it before I'll say it for all eternity, the pacing was dogshit bad oh my soul wtf... Viv, Adam whoever I know you guys don't listen to criticism but if any criticism you take fix your damn pacing 😑. I had to pause multiple times just to see what has happening, what was said, what this paper/sign etc said. It was bad, and that paired with the overdetailed BGs and character designs, for the 1st time ever I got overstimulted from a HB ep and had to take a 5 min break to rest my eyes (was by Fizz's song). Its a noisey spinning kaleidoscope this ep, so unpleasant and its all pacing. Stay on certain scenes a bit longer and allow the audience to take in the scene before them (that flackback scene) its makes a difference. If you get overwhelmed/overstimlated ect by such visuals I recommend watching the leaked episode its much better in terms of pacing since its mostly storyboards and there is no color, plus its just the VAs talking with no background music and zero to minimal sound effects.

I didn't care for Crimson in this episode, I know he became Viv's favorite 😒 but seeing this fucker back so soon, it wasn't enjoyable, especially since the only reason he's in this ep is for a "big score" 😑. Also I'm tired of this over convenient plots, Fizz so happened to be in the greed ring and so happened to run into Blitz and Striker so happened to be in greed meeting with Crim who need a man for a "big score" AND SO HAPPENED Striker sees Fizz/Blitz fighting outside the window 🙃. Its all too convenient for me it takes me out and I then think how the plot coming together is ridiculous.

Striker is so under utilized. Since Viv hates him (confirmed by sources I can't pull now apologies) and she wrote this episode, everything established of Striker in So1 is destroyed. He's a husk of his intended character, all talk no show, a misogynistic clown who you can see Viv has no care writing him properly because she doesn't like him which is fucking horrible, this woman will butcher an integral villian, one with a good motivation (he hates blue-bloods) all because "oh I don't like him he's not in my fav OC list", petty af.

Fizz's disability and how its handled, spoke about it in this post:

It still remains the same though now we see it wasn't Wally holding the cake just some other imp and the card Bliz made for Fizz was a love confession still doesn't justify his reaction shoving the imp and his still underlying jealousy of Fizz since they were young. Yes it was backing off from a love confession/ashamed he's not as good a performer as Fizz, Blitz was jealous of Fizz. Made another post saying how I like how Fizz sees his disability, he's content, happy, has Ozzie who understands him and even made/went out his way to get Fizz the best prosthetics to better his quality of life, I like that good on Fizzy :).

5. Going to be a separate long post on (ಠ_ಠ) Blitz, THE FUCKING BIRD IS BACK 💀💀💀 why your rotisserie chicken ass not in hospital or we just skipping past that and how Viv keeps I'm gonna say it, forcing her characters to have daddy issues by writing this fucking irritating basic fanfic trope of killing the mother offscreen/not having the mother in the picture/us seeing her face. A commenter pointed this out and it irritates me because its the 3rd time she does this, she show Tilla (Blitz's mom) in pictures, you think there would be an episode revolving around Blitz's childhood etc but no she's "in" a fast paced pitty party flashback. This woman really can't show an ounce of respect to any female characters.

This is all for now, will be making more posts the more this ep settles in.

Score: 4.7/10

[itstimewehavesomesoliddick]

Bethesdrone Fallout 4 shills make me mad so have a lowkey longpost below with tl;dr at the bottom

While we're on the topic of betheslop, no, Fallout 4 isn't good because the "shooting" is good (imagine praising shooting in what's supposed to be an RPG in the first place), in fact it's not even good, the animations are just smooth with good sound design, other than that it's just the most basic point and click at enemy healthbars there is, the weapons all look retarded, the enemy AI is equally retarded, the shooting mechanics are more barebones than New Vegas (different ammo types are seemingly beyond the grasp of the bethesdrone), and the cherry on top, that part of the game wasn't even done by bethesda, they just called in another studio that knew what they were doing because bethesda clearly doesn't, if you play it for the most basic shooting, why not play an actual shooter game?

"b-b-but le weapon customization!" which allowed bethesda to massively reduce the number and diversity of available weapons compared to previous entries so everything gets even more dumbed down

"b-b-but le settlements!" aka the most underdeveloped gameplay segment? Why are you playing a Fallout game to build shacks? Rimworld is cheaper and at least there you're not just placing shit so numbers X and Y are simply high enough for your generic no name settlers that just go from one idle animation to the other, this is simply the lego effect, anyone can have fun building stuff with legos, but within the framework of Fallout 4, it is completely pointless beyond place X thing to advance the plot, if you like building cities, why aren't you playing a city builder?

I won't even get into the writing or how it's as much of an RPG as Call of Duty is a strategy game, or the ridiculous design of everything, or the betrayal of its setting for a constant barrage of shitty "lol so random" moments and snarky marvel dialogue

Fallout 4 is a bare minimum entry level shooter proclaiming it's an RPG with a dumb lego set glued on top along with some of the dumbest writing I've seen, yet its defenders get immediately dazzled by pew pew keys jiggling and blindly follow the brand recognition of an IP Bethesda wears like a skinwalker

"it's good if you turn your brain off" is the equivalent of saying "you'll like it if you're a retard that never thinks about anything", "it's good if instead of the RPG you were promised for 60 euros, you just focus on the bing bing wahoo and don't realize you've been scammed", games like Fallout 4 and Skyrim are the same blueprint, a shallow game making you chase your own tail while stroking your ego and having you soyjack at member berries, a real dogshit digital opium so you never scratch beneath the surface and realize just how shit their product is and spend money on half assed paid mods instead

People need to stop with the "no I can't say it's bad, I don't want to be mean!" or be in denial that things aren't nice and sunshine and hugs and good, that mindset makes you a brainless buckbroken consumer drone as long as you'll be too much of a pussy to be hostile towards the corpo suits pissing on your head and telling you it's raining (for 70 bucks), fuck em and fuck the whole industry, and if you really need to have that slop in your life for some Godforsaken reason, then quit being a bitch and learn to pirate

TL;DR Fallout 4 is slop for morons and consoomers and if you like and defend it, then you're the aforementioned target audience

[hollowtones]

do u have any thoughts about varlamore at this point in time?

Haven't done any of it yet. Opinions probably will change when I play any of it. LOL

So much of the new content seems like it feeds into Prayer XP in some way or another which has me very excited as someone that mostly enjoys playing an ironman.

Multiple friends have told me the Mining thing feels good and rewarded so I'm basically always winning forever for being a Mining enjoyer.

The birds are cute.

Hunter rumours seem like a fun system but it feels a little wack that the drop to finish one is (seemingly?) just an RNG thing with no indication that it's coming any time soon. (I say seemingly because the way it works & the way they've described hotfixes to it & the way I've seen others talk about the experience makes it sound like it's maybe a set task like Slayer that obfuscates the number for flavour reasons? At that point I'm just speculating though. Not sure if real just posting.) I feel like the skill needed a bounty system like this & more goodies (the ones they added in this update seem cool but well outside my level range any time soon LOL) to justify / encourage it outside of implings and birdhouses.

There's apparently a little quest that's just "a cute thing you can do" rather than some big account progression unlocking thing and everyone seems to love it. I like when they just add little quests like that. More please.

I'm sad that there's no one in the stands watching you when you fight in the coliseum! I seen them talk about why that is, and I get it, but I'm still sad.

The quiver looks so dinky.

Breaking & entering into a rich person's house to steal their shit is really funny. It could give dogshit for XP and money and I'd still do it a bit because that's cute.

The new dwarf area looks cool. Giving beards to the women dwarves is fun. Some of the big statues have really goofy looking mouths. Big fan.

I don't think the toucans are pets and I'm sad about it. LOL

Brady told me it's the poop update.

[aokozaki]

I tried playing Caligula Effect Overdose a while back, and I really did not like it at all.

while I found the story and characters, like, decently interesting I guess (in the sense that I could see them theoretically going someplace interesting? theoretically), I thought the game was overall quite dull and tedious in both gameplay and aesthetic, and that the BGM for the first dungeon, in particular, sucked dogshit. I found it to be a highly irritating and intrusive earworm that continually grated on me the more I listened to it.

Eventually, I turned the BGM off altogether, and in so doing, discovered that the game has literally no foley work. There's no sound effects for your fucking footsteps. They couldn't be bothered to make your fucking feet make sounds. In the remake of the game that- *cough* anyway at this point it was just like, alright, great, so you have left me with the choice of this inane garbage elevator music, or this lifeless void of a stock anime high school world where you literally can't even hear yourself walk around

I tried playing it for a little bit after that but I didn't see anything dispelling my impression that it was a cheap and boring Persona knockoff, so I stopped.

anyway you are now free to type below your reasons why I should give it another chance

Well, is it a Persona knockoff if the similarities are because one of the lead writers actually worked on Persona 1 and 2?

Like, you know the visual effect when a character first awakens to their Catharsis Effect? Here's what Persona Summoning looks like in P2.

It's not a Persona knockoff, oh no, it's the only successor to pre-modern Persona. A Persona 3 for a world where Persona 3 wasn't a soft reboot of the series.

The game's antagonist, Thorn, could easily be a MegaTen antagonist, she shows the most influence.

Anyway, as for the jank dungeon design, sound design, gameplay design... yeah the first game is a mess. It was a budget RPG originally released for PS Vita and it shows.

It's not a good game, you're here for the story. And honestly the music, because as long as you don't ruin it by getting lost in the dungeons for too long (they're so badly designed lmao), the soundtrack is a tour de force of famous Vocaloid Producers putting out some of their best work.

And like, c'mon, the anime highschool is supposed to be stock, the entire game is an unsubtle commentary on escapist media set in high schools.

Turn the difficulty down to easy and don't try to play Caligula Effect like it's a well designed game, it's not. Brute force your way through the story because it is pretty cool.

And if it's still too shit, skip to Caligula Effect 2, which had a different developer, who actually turned the concept into a much more functional game.