#which is why i prefer to forgive myself and forget

[fearevillikefire]

Tbh i dont even like not like us... i mean for one thing euphoria was a much much better song. Like much better. I understand not like us is more memorable but what does that matter. i feel like people prefer not like us because it has more of diss energy but then compared to like the greatest diss songs of all time its just not all that good... like i just come back to hit em up. because the thing with not like us is it has these jarring and weird moments that take you out of it so much.. especially that part like 'hey drake they're not slow' it's just like man it's not a bad song but you can tell it was rushed which is fine but it isn't most grammies of all time worthy imo. I mean im not any sort of expert on production but you can just tell the production was rushed too, it's nowhere near the kinda quality you expect from kendrick's music and it suffers bad in comparison to euphoria. also since im talking about him GNX is a good album but it's so not for me right now lol.. if this had come out when i was in middle or high school i would've been real happy but ehhh. anyways i think I'll always prefer good kid mad city over anything else he releases but maybe i just need to sit with the newer stuff longer.. i respected mr morale but never got into it, conceptually i like it but ehh. it's weird cause good kid and damn and to pimp a butterfly are some of my top albums of all time since i was a middle schooler lol but at the same time i listened to logic a lot.. back then i really liked music about struggling cause i was struggling, i was also obsessed with rap, so that's kinda what i naturally gravitated towards.. i know it's stereotypical and shallow when white people say shit like i learned to understand the black experience because of kendrick lamar😫 but it is true i learned to give a fuck from listening to his music all the time from like 12 years old on.. like there's not a chance i would've known anything about antiblack racism or black culture at that age in my majority white/latino community.. so i always appreciate that... hell i probably wouldn't have understood anything about all kinds of themes in his music, poverty, abuse, sex work, drugs, gangs... now i did only get the perspective shared in that music and the shows i watched and shit but it's better than nothing. i have no explanation for why i loved rap so much, but im glad cause i think im a much smarter and more empathetic person thanks to that as an adult. But i gotta say im glad i never took the christian messages or stupid black israelite crap to heart cause.. that's dumb lol. Lol even 12 year old me knew that was crap. I really was a good kid idk why.. i was definitely real politically correct all my life and i have no explanation why i was never racist or homophobic or anything like that.. shit i was always pretty right on the government and shit too, i learned the fbi was against the black panthers when i was like 13 and ran with it for life i guess.. i wonder if being transgender contributed to this shit but honestly idk. It was hard in middle school cause i was always the 1 lone kid who would call out the racist kids saying racist shit to be 'funny' and back then i didn't understand maturity or anything. I was really hostile to those kids because of that and honestly looking back i probably scared the shit out of them. I wasn't a nice kid at all back then.. being politically correct or whatever didn't make me a good person lol. I was really pretty terrible, mean, angry, avoidant. And i wasn't a good friend to my few friends.. they were just weird unpopular girls basically. And i was pretty wrong for this, but on our last day of middle school i was like im deleting everyone's numbers and we're not going to talk again goodbye forever.. and one of my friends even cried 😕 i don't remember what i even said after that... my reasoning was that i'd come out and transition before high school and i wouldn't be connected to anyone from my past since nobody was going to the same school as me. Pretty dumb idea because idk why i thought i could be stealth

[dekariosclan]

With you, I forget my goddess

So, I have completed Bg3 twice now, but on both runs I’ve romanced Gale (truly shocking, I know) and therefore I had never seen Gale’s non-romance discussion with Tav about the Annals of Karsus.

I recently got to see it, and what surprised me the most is how extremely angry and bitter Gale is about Mystra’s treatment of him. Rightfully and understandably so, but it’s something we do not see or experience in the romance version.

This got me thinking about the difference in Gale’s reactions in the friendship vs romance scenes, why they are different, and also how this relates to the complaints I’ve read about Gale ‘still not being over Mystra even when romancing Tav’.

(Note that I’m mainly going to focus on the portions of each dialogue that relate to Mystra in particular, and I’m not referencing the ‘alternate’ boat scene w/Gale—where he tells you beforehand that he will return the crown to her—since he doesn’t mention Mystra at all there.)

Screencaps below are from @munmomuu’s wonderful video on YouTube. The screencaps take place after Gale has read the Karsus book. If you are romancing him, before you reach this point, the conversation ends because he tells you he wants to discuss it later “in private,” during the boat scene.

But in a friendship run, he will explain what he’s read to you and then begin to make his case for using the crown:

Gale: Some gods may delude themselves into believing they care about their worshippers, but when it comes down to it - we’re all expendable. Children to be appeased, not respected.

Gale: I worshipped Mystra loyally for years, and in that time she granted me the barest sliver of the power I was ready to wield.

Gale: Even with the fate of the world at stake, she had little more to offer me than the means of blowing myself up at a more convenient time. She’s done nothing to help us.

There then comes a dialogue branch where Tav can ask this:

And Gale replies, with understandable bitterness:

Gale: She sent me to die.

Look at how angry he is during this whole exchange, and how he focuses all that anger on the past, and what Mystra has done to him (or not done, as he points out she’s offered them no help at all.)

— — —

Now let’s compare this to his Mystra dialogue in the boat scene:

Gale: I’ve already defied Mystra. Had I followed her command, there’d be nothing left of me but a smoking crater.

Gale: The tadpoles, the orb - these threats to our existence - the gods could aid us if they wished, but instead they cower behind Ao. So let us act ourselves.

Gale: I used to believe Mystra’s forgiveness was worth dying for. But I was wrong. You showed me just how much I have to live for.

Notice how there’s no fiery anger at Mystra here, just Gale’s resigned belief that the Gods have failed them.

So what’s the key component that makes Gale react so differently in each scenario?

It is, of course, Tav.

More specifically, it’s Tav’s love for him, which has clearly helped his heart heal from the trauma that he’s experienced. Yes, Tav’s friendship is extremely important as well, and yes, Gale is still insecure even with Tav’s love (‘you would really prefer me as I am?’) but the extreme bitterness, the anger, all of that is gone. Here, Gale is no longer hung up on Mystra and the past; he’s looking to the future. Because now that he has Tav, what he desires most is to take his life and his fate back from the Gods and into his own hands—with Tav at his side.

The irony is that some people complain about Gale ‘not being over Mystra’ while he’s actively romancing Tav, but just look at the difference in the dialogue! Look at how focused he is on Mystra when he is not romancing Tav, and then how she becomes a mere afterthought once Tav has claimed his heart.

I really enjoyed seeing this level of detail. I think it perfectly illustrates Gale’s frame of mind in each scenario, as well as showing the positive impact Tav’s love has on Gale.

And last but not least—it confirms that Gale was not exaggerating when he says this:

Gale: With you, I forget my goddess. I love you.

— — —

[official-linguistics-post]

I enjoy linguistics but I have bad memory so it's a pretty casual enjoyment because I regularly forget like, the classes of words or at least the intricacies of it. Would you mind explaining a bit about why "chat is not a pronoun"? Not because I disagree with you, but I absolutely would be unable to explain why not myself to someone and I would like to have a more thorough understanding.

Like they(multiple) is a pronoun? Is chat something like a 'group noun'?

Feel free to disregard this if you don't want to do it, I just remember better with.. I guess real world discussions than trying to read general information or textbooks so I thought since there was no harm in asking.

"chat" as it's generally used is what i'd call a term of address, like "reader" or "friends, romans, countrymen." (other linguists may prefer other specific terms for the role of "chat," but there is overall agreement that it's NOT a pronoun.)

forgive me, this is a very complex topic and one that i find very hard to translate into layman's terms because i'm still trying to understand its nuances myself. "chat" does not have the syntactic and semantic properties of a pronoun, namely the binding to an antecedent. "chat" is more often the antecedent itself, which is why people keep latching on to examples where "chat" and an actual pronoun can be interchanged – because the pronoun is bound to its antecedent, "chat."

if there is anybody on tumblr who actually studies this topic in depth, PLEASE jump in, especially if you can do a better translation out of jargon.

[aprilblossomgirl]

i feel like i'm hurting so much for faifa in this episode. he doesn't deserve to hear that many hurtful words. before i continue, i think i need to say this first: as an asian myself, i will always understand why most (asian) shows choose forgiveness when dealing with bad parents/parenting, no matter how unforgivable they might be seen by the rest of the audience. and that, i believe, is not of any agenda by the showmaker. of course, to not generalize it, few medias didn't go through that route because of a different preference or goal in the storytelling. however, understanding forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean i believe it is always the 'right' way of wrapping up an arc.

thinking about the upcoming faifawine's story starting next week, i feel like some dialogues in this episode, no matter how they really felt off to me, are intentionally right there as a further backstory for faifa. and especially if the directing choice of faifa's expression changes through that scene with the whole family is anything to go by.

when yotha called fai, he said this first: "Tell me honestly. Don’t be scared of hurting anyone." as if yotha knows that fai always keeps his feelings to himself to avoid hurting anyone else.

fai trying to come up with a reasoning, "I was probably just angry with her, but I think everyone was hurt by what happened— Dad, Newton, and Mom." as if to avoid answering yotha's question, "Do you hate her?" with his real answer.

"If Mom really wanted to abandon us, why would she have taken me with her?" shows that fai was not being optimistic (as yotha implied) but somehow trusted the mom. only to be shattered later, "I thought if I brought Faifa who loves being with his Dad and brothers, at least he would ask me to bring him back to visit everyone often and we’d all see each other sometimes. On the other hand, if I’d brought you, Yotha, we might have been so happy that we wouldn’t have wanted to come back and see anyone here again..." (what nonsense! i cannot understand any logic behind this one.) in a way implying that she might haven't been that happy with fai, which somehow validate what he and yotha had been talking about before: "I don’t know why she took me with her even though you were the one who wanted to go." / "Because she loves you more than me." / "That’s definitely not the reason." oh, i was right. mom doesn't love me. but she's hurting. but...

imagine being faifa, hearing all of those hurtful excuses, but his immediate response was trying to justify why mom did what she did instead of trying to validate the real feeling he himself was having. and i say this with my whole being: that's a pretty accurate representation of how we, asian kids, mostly were nurtured. the scene just stabbed me right in the heart.

faifa might haven't said anything, but his face didn't lie. you could very clearly see how his face instantly dropped once mom told her reason for taking him instead of yotha at that time. and i still cannot forget the face he made a few episodes back when mom gave him something he was allergic to. the level of gaslighting here is too suffocating to witness. the emotional neglect just hits too hard. i cannot even begin to break it further into fai's loneliness.

all these made me wonder how the upcoming third arc will 'deal' with fai's inner wound. i hope the show won't brush it off because i think it would add more depth to the romance part, how he navigates his feelings once someone finally enters his life, as it has been implied that wine was also dealing with heartbreak.

[reblogandlikes]

Self insert Fandom

I've come to realise that most of the toxicity within the acotar fandom is often rooted in a ridiculous amount of self insert. They see a character as them, therefore their actions are absolved. They see another character in their abuser, or worse, 'as' their abusers and so they can never be impartial towards them, thinking the worst because in real life they've dealt with a lot.

I get it. Art can sometimes mimic reality, but they are indeed forgetting that this is a whole fantasy fiction book about human women turned fae getting dicked down with a hint of war and political intrigue. These characters are not, in fact, you or your abusers. Making the series so personal to themselves can then lead to a lack of introspection of the work as a whole made to be enjoyed and critiqued to the readers' preference, whether shallow or in depth.

But because this fandom in particular seem to make these books so personal than reading it as a piece of fiction, they're inflicting real world scenarios onto fictional characters and if their characters face any backlash or reasonable questioning, they take it as a personal attack which for some reason leads to insults and wild assumptions of very REAL people.

"No, no one is saying you should forgive your abuser mum, boyfriend, sister, because this literally isn't about you. I dont know you or your situation. Im talking about *insert character*."

"No, I don't think reactive abuse is OK, though I also don't believe lying about SA is OK either, let alone condoning SA."

"What do you mean it's abusive to lock someone up and then make an excuse to say it's not abuse to lock someone else up?"

The mental gymnastics is truly outstanding. If they're so called morally grey, let them be just that.

Speaking for myself, it's easy to find some commonality in a characters personality. It's written by a whole human who has a personality too, after all. But I do not attach myself to these characters as if they are my family members or those dear to me. They are, in fact, not real, and I will talk about them in the context of a fantasy text, generally.

Now the moment you take their actions out of a fantasy text, every character, and I mean, every character, needs to be dealt with the same scrutiny. Your faves will be called out and dragged. You cannot call real people names, but then think highly of yourself when your faves have done worse. What does that then make you? A racist? A misogynist? An AS denier? An abuse apologist? Someone who endorses apartheid? Someone who's OK with controlling the female body? A war criminal?

You see how absurd that all is?

Honestly, it's not that deep. But again, it's not bad to see yourself in character. Just realise that when people have some reservations about them, they are not calling YOU out. They are strictly talking about that character and that character alone. But maybe if you find so much offence, perhaps you should think about why that is. Look deep and figure out why it troubles you so much. Perhaps they're holding up a mirror, and you simply can not bear to look into it, seeming that that character represents you so much.

I think this is the only fandom I've been involved in where simply daring to disagree with the main MC and side characters can lead to online prosecution and just so much hostility. I've seen some truly nasty comments, and it's boggling. I can imagine how off-putting it may seem to newer readers.

I long for the days when people can talk about the characters and narrative alone without feeling the need to make disclosures about what they support in real life because it's truly unnecessary. I thought reading fiction was meant to be a form of escapism, not defending my moral standpoint.

If I said I enjoyed Katherine Pierce, Klaus Mikaelson and Kai Parker from TVD, what then? They're despicable, but fucking enjoyable. Don't get me started on Game of Thrones characters.

Alright, I'm done now 😅

[miraclechatbug]

In Animaestro, Adrien said, "Well, I'm more of a dog person myself."

He could be lying to protect his identity... but I like this theory too.

Since the Ladybug and Black Cat miraculouses are meant to represent yin and yang, I believe the same thing applies to Marinette and Adrien.

So, Marinette is a cat person and Adrien is a dog person! :D

Other things/headcanons:

- Adrien is an early bird; Marinette is a night owl

- Adrien is always described as sunshine or the summer sky; Marinette is described as moonshine or the ocean

- Adrien is very tidy and organized; Marinette is chaotic and disorganized

- Adrien is more quiet, a listening type; Marinette is the type to overshare and give lots of advice

- Adrien prefers classical music; Marinette is more into contemporary- though they both like Jagged Stone

- Adrien is very calm and thinks about his words before he says them; Marinette thinks at a mile per minute and doesn't have much of a filter

- Adrien is a very internal thinker, meaning he processes things internally which is why he's able to develop a persona like Chat Noir very easily; Marinette is more of an external thinker, she processes things by talking to people and asking questions and needs to be surrounded by activity to process better

- Adrien is very unsure about his future and place in the world; Marinette has a lot of ideas about what she wants to do in her future

- Adrien might take a more calm and relaxed approach to life as he grows older; Marinette is more goal-oriented and ambitious

- Adrien may be good at being creative, but he draws inspiration from other artists and people; Marinette always has a unique flair in every one of her designs

- Adrien avoids confrontation whenever he can even when someone tries to encourage him; Marinette will stand up for herself and others, especially when she's given encouragement

- Adrien might not always want to talk about his feelings or talk about his issues, used to process things on his own; Marinette might want everyone to talk it out, the type who wants everything out in the open

- Adrien is extremely forgiving when he is wronged, to the point that it could be harmful to him; Marinette is more stubborn, it takes her more time to see herself in another persons shoes if she doesn't relate to them- she doesn't forgive or forget easily

- Adrien is more of the type to get sad and depressed; Marinette is the type to get anxious and worried

- Adrien is more of a follower, go-with-the-flow type of person; Marinette likes taking the lead and charge when no one else seems to

- Adrien is optimistic, and always tries to think about the best-case scenarios; Marinette is a bit pessimistic, always thinking about the worst-case scenarios and catastrophizing

- Adrien has very few, close friends and prefers it this way; Marinette always ends up making friends with a lot of people

- Adrien prefers to focus on the practical matters and issues on hand; Marinette prefers to dig deeper and understand the bigger picture

- Adrien is more comfortable with an unplanned, spontaneous approach to life; Marinette wants plans, schedules, and well-defined procedures in place

- Adrien's very graceful and can move with ease; Marinette is clumsy and lacks a good hand-eye-coordination

- Adrien finds happiness and freedom in being Chat Noir; Marinette finds it stifling and constricting at times

- Adrien refrains from making judgments about people too quickly; Marinette jumps into conclusions too quickly

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

There's more, but I can't think anymore, and it's like 3am haha. I don’t mean to say that they are opposites of one another, they're actually really similar in nature and have similar values, they just might come at it differently. I just wanted to write down the differences I could think of, the contrast between the two.

"Creation and destruction are the two ends of the same moment." "Without order, nothing can exist. Without chaos, nothing can evolve."

They're a beautiful balance of each other, two sides of the same coin

[blackbullet99]

Mary Jane Watson From The Spider-Man Trilogy Is Ridiculously Overhated

I keep seeing a bunch of stuff online about how the Raimi Trilogy MJ sucks, how she’s “the real villain” and a horrible person, blah blah blah.

Truth be told, I don’t have that much of an attachment to this character, I’ll defend people like Katara from the unjust hate she receives because she’s one of favorite characters and heroines EVER! But MJ (in these movies anyway) is merely okay. I much prefer the leading ladies of the other Spider-Man films, Gwen Stacy and Michelle Jones.

They have more personality, better relationships with Spidey and aid him more in his heroics. In the original trilogy Peter and MJ are often at odds and usually the later always has to be rescued (not that it’s her fault). There are legitimate reasons to dislike this depiction of MJ (i.e. her personality isn’t exactly comic accurate). But a lot the hate she receives is relatively unfounded and definitely in misogyny, coming mostly from incels.

Like, seriously, this just screams incel loser syndrome right here.

First and foremost, MJ is a fairly sympathetic character, she’s generally a kind, friendly individual for the most part, which is why Peter is drawn to her, but she’s also deeply insecure due to her abusive father and thinks her worth is determined by whom she’s in a relationship with, only for these people, such as Flash and Harry to mistreat her or demean her respectively.

People often get mad at MJ for her treatment of Peter, but really think about things from her perspective. He’s the only guy who treats her with sincere genuine kindness for the most part, then out of the blue, after he indirectly confesses his feelings about her and she directly confesses her, he states they can only be friends, then to quote TV Tropes, we the audience have a…

Then Peter tells her he wants to be with her after she’s publicly announced she’s engaged and the later when she comes close to considering it tries to back out of it, again we the audience know why, by MJ doesn’t.

However, I will say ditching her fiancé at the altar was messed up and I can’t really defend it, probably the worst thing MJ did especially because said fiancée was a genially nice dude. But hey, it’s sweet to see her and Peter finally admit their feelings despite her knowing he’s Spider-Man.

She also gets a lot of flack in Spider-Man 3, which I also find kinda unfounded. One big reasons is her essentially cheating on Peter by kissing Harry, but people tend to forget:

She quickly realized what she was doing was wrong.

Peter also kissed Gwen right in front of her, without much thought, you could argue that kiss was staged, but still it’s rather hypocritical.

I’m not saying MJ is a flawless woman who can do no wrong, but her that her vices are overblown by so called fans. It can only be due to misogyny seeing as Peter and Harry also do pretty jerkish things. I already mentioned some of Peter’s actions earlier, but in the first movie Harry essentially goes after someone he knows his best friend likes as soon as she breaks up with her ex and doesn’t even tell his best friend about it, then his dad pretty much calls his girlfriend a slut and that he should just do her while he can (something people actually agree with) and he barely defends her. But neither he or Peter get as much flak. Granted I really like both characters myself, but still.

I just don’t get why people are so obsessed with villainizing MJ in these films. Isn’t the whole point of these films is that anyone even good people can make bad or selfish choices, but sometimes all they need is forgiveness, understanding and compassion. That’s one of the core themes of the trilogy, especially the final film. So I’m gonna leave you with this…

[velvet-games]

I finally finished the piece for @prince-liest's OC, Tzafael! this really reminded me of how fun character design is (and also that I've completely forgotten how to make digital art, but that's besides the point...) <3

credit to @hogbogglerspirits for the umbrella design! I kind of butchered it so please look at the original and throw lots of love at them

LOTS of notes, draft sketches, brainstorming, etc. below the cut. enjoy!

(note: a lot of what I'm talking about is based on posts prince made under their #tzafael tag, so take a look at those if you haven't yet!)

thanks for joining me below the cut! here's the sketch without the colors as a treat (in case you want to color it yourself or something, idk).

notes about making the digital drawing:

holy shit this took me forever -- I was not kidding about forgetting how to make digital art lmao. I forgot how much less forgiving digital lines are and genuinely lost the spoons to even attempt lineart, hence just a sketch below the colors.

some of you might've seen the original sketch I sent to prince, which the digital version diverges from just a little. it's mostly the halo which I'll explain later, and I finally caved and drew the sixth eye (you can tell I drew and erased it multiple times in the sketch lmao -- still don't know if I prefer it with or without)

here's the original color ref by the lovely @gendermeh! my color scheme ended up looking really different, so some notes about that:

I was looking at references for magpies like this

and I wanted to basically follow that color scheme while also being somewhat similar to the original -- dark head/shoulders --> dark top of the jacket, bright blue wings --> bright blue bottom of the jacket, greenish tailfeathers --> green pants, hints of purple --> purplish sleeve and pant ends

I also tried (and mostly failed, let's be real) to capture the iridescence of the feathers -- they look like oil spilled on the pavement or iridescent hematite to me! I think the key ended up being adding bright greens/purples and roughly blending them into the blues or vice versa but I didn't really figure that out until I got to the pants lol.

I'm gonna be honest; I don't remember why I went with this shape for the tailcoat. I just remember being unhappy with the sketch and then trying a bunch of different shapes that mostly looked worse lol -- I think I landed on this because a split tail kind of looks like wings?

KEPT the shoes -- absolutely magnifique. I wish I knew how to color gold better.

added lots of jewelry! they like shiny things :)

ALSO PLEASE LOOK AND APPLAUD ME. I FINALLY REMEMBERED TO LABEL MY LAYERS!! NO I DON'T REMEMBER WHY THE HALO HAS ITS OWN LAYER.

alright, time for some more design notes/explanations + draft sketches!

but first, a couple disclaimers:

I want to make it very clear that I LOVE everything about the original design. I made a lot of changes based on personal preference/the way I interpreted the character. I was actually planning on making a digital piece that was more faithful to the original design too, but I was just out of spoons for it cause of life stuff.

you probably shouldn't try to read the notes I made in the sketches I'm about to show you unless I say otherwise. most of it is incoherent brain vomit in illegible artist handwriting and I'll transcribe/explain the stuff I think is important :) (the stuff in quotes are direct transcriptions of my notes)

I know my sketches are very messy lol. I only draw for fun, so I usually don't force myself to make stuff any neater than necessary unless it's supposed to be a formal piece. try to bear with me.

1:

my first few sketches of them! (I think?) this was before I sent prince a laundry list of questions so I was still trying to get a vibe

"magpie -- beak lips?" -- you'll see this in a few sketches; I considered giving them the lipstick design that velvette has since it looks like a beak. I still kind of think it's cute, but 1) I'm pretty sure velvette is the only character that has them, so I didn't want to make it seem like they were related somehow and 2) I thought it might be distracting with how much other crazy stuff I ended up including in their head/face

also, sidenote since it's relevant to what I said about vel: something I realized was important is how one character's design relates to the designs of the rest of the cast. I wasn't sure how much I should've gone for what looked good in a vacuum, how much should be based on what other characters looked like canonically, or what other characters would look like if I also designed them. it ended up being mostly the second option, but it was honestly still a struggle. should I take away some of the tumblr-sexyman-ness (no shade to tumblr sexymen; I love them) because there are other characters that already have it? should I relate their design to sera's and emily's in the show or should I think about how I would've designed sera and emily? should I follow some of the design philosophy of the original show and just throw stuff on there because it looks cool (the answer is yes btw)? decisions, decisions ...

I don't think this showed up really well in most of the drawings, but they actually have a black line down their nose! let's take a look at sera:

since they're siblings, I wanted to include some similar facial markings. the nose line ended up being the only thing I kept though -- I was going to include freckles, but I have a compulsive need to give every character giant bottom lashes so there ended up being no room T.T I like that the magpie's hints of purple kind of match hers tho!

the wingification of the hair begins! I was still unsure of it at this point, but it was an idea I had since I was kind of struggling with how straight the feathers were in the original.

"maybe the ones on their head count as wings (so only one main pair)" -- I originally just had the 2 pairs of wings on their head, so I was thinking of just giving them 1 pair on their back so there would be still be 6 total. also this middle drawing of them is meant to be their exorcist outfit (I wanted it to be a cross between what the other exorcists wear and sera's outfit)

at this stage, I was thinking of giving them more magpie-like characteristics, so I looked at some references and tried to emulate them in a more human design. this ended up being really awkward so I scrapped it, but I still like the idea that their exorcist mask looks like a bird (kind of like a plague doctor's)

2:

peekaboo! I love the idea of them using the wing hair to cover their eyes lol. (ended up using that idea for my own seraph OC since that's their biblically accurate purpose: to cover their eyes/faces in reverence/humility -- doesn't really fit with tzafael tho lol, so they show their face most of the time)

an eyeball in the bowtie -- pretty self-explanatory. the eyeball motif is important.

the one in the middle is just me practicing drawing the original design, and the one on the right is another exorcist outfit I think. I wanted to include the diamond motif/points that sera has on her dress (the diamonds on the bottom turn into eyeballs, which is why the final design also has eyeballs on tzafael's sleeves/pants)

3:

lots of notes on the side based on what prince said in response to my ask

"localized omniscience (power of sight) -- cool + ironic that their sight was supposed to serve God but made them see Heaven for what it really is instead"

another exorcist outfit, this time including the feathers

I was also experimenting with the halo; I was trying to make it look sort of like sera's crown, but that didn't feel right ...

some practice with eyes -- my style is pretty flexible with eye shapes, so I try to make them suit the character. I drew lute's eye and also an actual magpie's as references -- lute's because of the exorcist background and also because they looked appropriately sharp, magpie's for obvious reasons. once again, my compulsive need for giant bottom lashes strikes

there was honestly a lot to balance with the eyes -- I wanted them to look condescending/bored (lowered top lid) but also amused (raised bottom lid) and like a magpie (round) but also harsh/mischievous (sharp, maybe slit pupils like a snake) and similar to sera's (but not too decorated -- also does it make sense for them to look like sera's if emily's don't even look like sera's?)

considered having wings on the shoulders -- the magpie pattern is super cool, so it would've been nice to have that somewhere more explicitly in the design. I still think that might fit in an outfit they would wear in heaven (maybe for formal occasions)

the introduction of the sweatervest! honestly I kind of love this for the way it captures more of the preppy, spoiled old-money upper-class vibe some heaven residents have, but it was scrapped since I couldn't imagine them wearing that while trying to scare the denizens of hell. maybe something they wear casually though.

"yes nictating membrane (on every eye!)" -- AHH I'm so sad I didn't end up putting this to use. I just feel like the whole effect is based on actually seeing them blink, and I don't animate lol.

4:

ugh, the nefarious laughter one ... don't worry I tried harder on a sketch later on lol.

"like the diamonds on Sera + Em" + "diamonds turn into eyes?" -- I draw the diamonds on the sweatervest turning into eyes later.

tried an actual bow instead of a bowtie -- very cute but didn't fit the vibe.

a skirt! I think they would wear a skirt sometimes.

5:

"FUCK ASS BOB" -- asghdk the wingification of the hair continues. unfortunately, I'm realizing at this point that the silhouette of the hair is starting to look a lot like alastor's. I gave a very half-hearted attempt at mitigating this, but it goes back to the thing of how much I am obligated to the original show's designs and what looks cool to me -- I think the wing hair fits them and I didn't want to change it because of alastor, plus my alastor design actually has completely different hair anyway. I did add a third pair to the back to look like a ponytail though.

introduction of the scarf! I was actually going to include this in the final design but uh,,, I forgor. are you starting to see a pattern.

the reason for the scarf is that the "tzafael going to places they know they'll draw attention/can incite chaos" reminded me of that scene in avengers where loki walks into a fancy building looking pretentious af and just casually stabs a guy's eye out. not really the same thing but I felt like the vibe matched. hence, loki's funny little scarf fit.

6:

uaoughdfjh it was SO FUN to draw the wing hair, and it was at this point that I realized they had to stay even though I wasn't sure if it was too different from the original.

gossiping with rosie cause that's the first person I thought of -- tzafael also summoned a pearl necklace to clutch because of the sheer drama of it all (your ex-husband did what??)

also started drawing the rings on their hands. magpie like shiny.

7:

lots of notes cause I was trying to compile the things I still needed to think about/incorporate into the final (I thought this was gonna be the last draft ... haha)

trying to include more bird/eye motifs

"fish ... purse?" -- ha! I forgot I was gonna give them a fish purse. I think I drew that in a later sketch, but not them wearing it.

"picked up Hellish traits bc of extended stay -- existential crisis?" -- I asked prince about the sharp teeth, and their answer implied that they became sharp as they stayed in hell longer, which got me thinking ... I feel like that's actually a great body horror concept. lucifer falling and looking like a normal angel at first, eventually waking up to more and more devilish features and feeling more and more like he's lost his home and his past self ... spooky.

another exorcist outfit -- I actually really like the eyes on the ribs! I never made a final draft for the exorcist uniform, but it would probably look close to what I drew here.

the one on the bottom was meant to be similar to the feathered shoulder pad idea, but this time with the whole magpie (with giant eyes). tried putting the "freckles" (really just dots in this case) over their brows, but that ended up looking kinda weird.

the eye is pretty close to the final design

the one on the right was supposed to be the full final design, but I was totally off lol -- the long trench coat really doesn't give off the right vibe at all

8:

playing around more with the loki vibes of the scarf, also added an eyeball to the chest

I never got happy with the design of the back of the coat -- I think it should probably just be blank at this point. but the sketch here is meant to look like wings/tailfeathers.

yet another exorcist outfit, this time with more magpie motifs. I actually like this one a lot, but I probably should've added the eyes on the ribs from the last sketch. I think I also considered giving them actual tailfeathers at this point.

9:

thanks for sticking with me! I promise we're almost done. have a trans dinosaur I saw while I was travelling as a treat <3

10:

this is after I finished the sketch for the final piece and realized I didn't like the halo design. I drew lute's, sera's, em's, and adam's as refs. (honestly I love the show's idea that each person/people of each rank have a different kind of halo -- I wonder if they can switch them out?)

my main inspiration ended up being the exorcist halo, but I made it look more like an eyeball -- since it always points toward heaven, we can say it's always "looking" at heaven.

(also sera's feather lashes! they're so cute)

11:

EVEN MORE EXORCIST DOODLES

12:

tzafael shooing away my fox demon OC

13:

these are actually sketches for my own seraph OC (raguel), but I wanted to include it since it has even more wing/feather hair variations. I also think the idea of the eyelashes being feather-like could've been cool for tzafael.

14:

some more OG design doodles

tzafael and raguel together because self-indulgence is the name of the game babey (also wanted to draw tzafael freaked out with their wings flared)

(raguel's blind btw, hence asking for eyes -- tzafael has so many!)

you can probably read the dialogue here so give it a shot. I believe in you.

15:

you know what? the fish purse deserves some doodles

16:

putting them in Situations! I was reading over prince's posts again and I realized there were some funny things I could draw them doing/saying

again you can probably read the words here

angel dust also loves fish (but is apparently bad at taking care of them, hence the suffocating blobfish), so tzafael shows him their aquarium (complete with live fish and flora ofc)

I thought alastor was 8 ft but apparently he's 7.3 ft? so tzafael is enjoying the .2 ft they have on him

trying and failing again to come up with a design for the back of the jacket lol

THE crowley quote

apparently the halo still sends signals from the exorcists -- thought their reaction to the battle at the hotel would be funny

the nefarious laughter (take 2) that I promised -- based on a doodle of alastor viv did that I found

them being sad and curling up in a pile of shiny things like a dragon

OKAY I'M DONE. huge, huge thank you to prince for sharing their OC! this was a lot of fun and clearly inspired me a lot haha. please check out their writing; it's literally so good that I can't read anything else these days. I am chewing on their thoughts constantly.

this was an absolute monster of a post, so if you're still reading, I am both impressed and bewildered at your patience. I hope you enjoyed! (I certainly did!)

[unseededtoast]

Turtle Doves | Joel Miller

Part Twenty Two

Chapter Directory

Series Summary: In which two broken souls connect so deeply, that if one should perish, the other would surely die of a broken heart. (slow burn, timeline changes. After TLOU1, before TLOU2, assumed knowledge of infected, uses elements from both show and game)

Series Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, death, and sexual content.

Also cross posted on my Wattpad and AO3, if you prefer those formats. Here is a link to my masterlist for everything else I’ve posted.

"But that night you got hurt, I enjoyed killing them. I liked hearing them die in front of me, their blood staining my hands."

Joel and I don't stay in the town for another night, we continue on. Our pace is slower than what I've become accustomed to, but Joel's wound isn't completely healed yet. The two of us have been silent after our discovery, Joel didn't have anything to say after I declared my death threat. No, instead of saying anything, he just handed me the photos and nodded solemnly.

With the two of us getting closer and closer to Omaha, I find myself feeling appreciative of Joel's slower pace. This gives us opportunities to find things we may have otherwise missed. And it also gives me more time with him. Since his near-death experience, I find myself trying to memorize the way his eyes shine golden in the sunlight, the way his voice sounds in the morning, how his shirt clings to the broadness of his shoulders, just small details. The small details are the ones I know will fade first, and I want to be able to hold onto them for as long as possible.

I know this to be fact because I can no longer quite remember what Ryan's voice really sounded like, and I can't quite remember just how soft Lucas' hair was. The simple things about them have slowly faded from my mind without me realizing it, until I thought about them one day and could never truly remember. I've never been able to forgive myself for forgetting, and I know I don't want to forget these things about Joel. After all, he's the man who has kept me alive all this time.

A part of me wishes I could be there when he's reunited with his pseudo-daughter. I wonder if he's going to tell her about this, or never mention it to her at all. She would have no idea I exist, or that Joel and I took this trip together. I know Joel is trying to protect her from the people of this world due to her immunity, so it makes sense if he never tells her about any of this. She's still a child at the end of the day, and no child should hear that there's a bunch of crazed men out there trying to find and kill them. Even if she never knows about me, or any of this, I know I'll still be able to rest peacefully at night with the knowledge that I helped protect her.

"This okay for tonight?" We stop walking as Joel points out a small, run-down gas station. It's likely the only building for miles, and so I agree to stop here for the night.

As we set up our makeshift camp, I continue to think about the girl waiting for him back in Wyoming. After hours of on-the-road thoughts, I can't help but to be fascinated with someone who is immune. It's glaringly obvious that she's one of a kind. Sure, I've known for a while that she's immune, but I think it just took some time to process it, to really understand what it means and the ramifications of it. But mostly, I just want to know how it happened. What caused her to be immune and why it's not being replicated anywhere else, that we know of.

My eyes follow Joel's form as he starts the fire for the night, my thoughts anywhere but the present. I watch how he situates the flammable material while wondering what his life is like in Wyoming and if he's excited to be back. Obviously, he's probably eager considering he's got family waiting for him. He lights the fire and the amber glow illuminates his features in soft light. His eyes look warm and inviting, the curve of his nose beautifully adorns his face with unique character, the plumpness of his lips reflect with the drink of water he just took. As if he feels my eyes lingering on him, he looks over and meets my gaze.

"What's on your mind?" He asks, shifting back from the fire a few feet as it takes flame. My eyes dance between him and the fire, debating if I should confess or not.

"I um, I've just been thinking about a lot of things." It's not a complete lie, I guess. Orange flames rise and dissipate, crackling in front of us.

"About what? You've been quiet since this morning." Instead of confiding in him my most recent thoughts, I decide to unload the other thing that's been bothering me for a while now, since he was stabbed. With a sigh and a quick lick of my lips, I tell him my moral dilemma.

"I've never been one to enjoy taking a life. Didn't like it when I was on FEDRA gate duty, and I didn't like it when we ran into the Fireflies. But that night you got hurt, I enjoyed killing them. I liked hearing them die in front of me, their blood staining my hands. And I've been having these thoughts of what it's going to feel like to kill these people. It's almost anticipatory." Our eyes stay locked on one another as I speak, my words quiet and somber. With a shaky breath, I continue,

"And I'm not sure what that makes me. Am I really any different from them if I look forward to killing?" My throat constricts, like my body doesn't want me to voice my fear. The silence between us is palpable and dread grows in me with each second Joel doesn't say something. Not being able to handle the criticism when he opens his mouth, I focus on the fire.

"Doesn't make you a bad person, if that's what you're worried about." He finally speaks, and his words catch me off guard, the total opposite of what I was expecting.

"Then what does it make me? Because it isn't good." My voice cracks. I know it's not fair to be asking him these questions, but, I can't stop from asking them. He shifts his weight to his other side and leans forward slightly, looking deeper into my eyes and I fear if he looks too hard he'll be able to see right into my soul.

"Makes you human. Means you have purpose, something worth protecting. Or, in your case, a ledger to balance." There is no trace of anything but authenticity as he speaks, his words settling into my mind. My eyebrows come close together as I mull over what he's said and I realize he may be right.

"You know I really thought you were going to die that night." I change the subject slightly, not wanting to admit to him that he's becoming my 'something to protect' and a part of my 'ledger to balance'.

"And if I did I suppose it was just my time." He relaxes his posture as if the thought of death is no more stressful than deciding what he's going to wear the next day.

"Don't say that." I shake my head, not wanting any more images of his dead body in my mind. The one from this morning, from the photos, still haven't left my mind. Each time they pop up behind my eyelids, it instills a new fear in me each time.

"You did a damn good stitch job." He tries to lighten the mood, pulling up the hem of his shirt to show the still intact sutures.

"It's a wonder you didn't bleed out. Do you even remember what happened?" I'm not entirely sure how much he saw, or what he remembers. To answer my question, he shakes his head.

"Not really, just remember you gettin' there and the rest is just kind of-" He motions with his hands that his memory of the night has become scrambled.

"One of them got you real good with their machete. I stuffed the wound with my shirt to try to stop the bleed and then I had to get you to another building. On the ground just outside of where we ended up there was one of their torches, barely still burning on the sidewalk. So I took it and heated the blade of my hunting knife, then I cauterized the cut. Found the sewing supplies when I was looking around and just did my best. Truthfully, you lost a lot of blood, like, way too much." I give him the brief recounting of the night. His fingers lightly trace the stitching before he meets my eyes again.

"Thank you." He tenderly says, dropping the hem of his shirt.

"It was the least I could do." I shrug one of my shoulders. The silence between us returns for a few more moments before Joel announces that he's going to get some sleep for the night. I tell him I'm going to as well, but end up staying awake.

After a while, the flames of the fire begin dying off but my eyes remain affixed to the back of Joel. The shirt across his shoulders is drawn tight, battling to stay intact. His dark curls are barely brushing the collar of the shirt, more prominent from the humidity of the day. As my eyes wander down his solid form, the chain around my neck seems to burn my skin. Disgust with myself boils up from within, and I force myself to look away from Joel.

My gaze turns up to the ceiling and I try to flood my mind with how Ryan sounded, how he felt, how he loved me. Bits and pieces come back, like how his hand felt on my cheek, how solid his chest felt when I hugged him, but I cannot remember his voice. I can feel the timbre of it, but can't place the true tone and inflection. Tears well in my lower lash line as I accept that I genuinely can't remember him fully anymore. I've known for a while that certain things have faded, but I never took the time to mourn that loss, I have not allowed myself to mourn Ryan the way I should have all those years ago.

My hands curl into frustrated fists, my nails digging crescent shapes into my palm as silent tears run down my face. Tears of guilt for forgetting, tears of sadness because I can no longer remember all of my husband. Tears of fear because I realize that I may be falling in love with another man; one whom I cannot be with. I grit my teeth together in lieu of screaming and a hollow feeling opens in my chest.

Moving faster than my mind can keep up, I go outside where the air hits the wetness of my face and sends a shiver down my spine. Once I'm sure that I'm far enough to where Joel can't hear me, I let myself cry. With each ragged breath I take my chest heaves up and down unevenly. Tears uncontrollably run down my face and I grip the chain around my neck tightly, wishing I could just have one more second with my family, wishing I could feel the warmth of their skin on mine, to tell them how much I love them one final time. Hoping and praying that my love for them and their absence is enough to stave off the feeling blooming inside of me for Joel.

All through the past ten years I've yearned to have my family back, there's been a hole in my heart, a void that has never been filled since outbreak day. A void that hasn't been hurting as much the past couple of weeks. I've always missed Ryan and Lucas, but lately their absence has been a dull ache as opposed to the sharp stabbing I'm used to. I'm not sure what this means, because I know I love and miss them vehemently. But I also know how I feel about Joel.

Unable to stay standing, I lower myself to my knees, burying my face in my hands. My eyes squeeze shut and the tears fall off the ends of my eyelashes. Guilt overtakes me as I remember how on outbreak night Ryan protected Lucas and I to the best of his ability. How he told me he loved me, and that we were going to be alright. If only I had turned that corner first. Why was I the one to survive, but they had to die?

Guilt burns into anger and I blame myself for what happened. If only I had been brave enough to go first, then maybe they would still be on this Earth. I know they could've forged a life for themselves somewhere. Meanwhile I was content being shipped everywhere and ended up being a lowly pill runner. Why couldn't that FEDRA guard have shot the infected two seconds earlier and spared them? It just isn't right.

Sobs strain my throat while I try to stay quiet and I use the sleeve of my button up to wipe my nose. The stars above me shine brightly and I stare at them, stray tears falling down my cheeks. If only they could reach out to me and let me know that wherever they are, that they're together and they're not suffering, that they're not angry at me for feeling this way about Joel.

Ryan and Lucas will never be able to be replaced, they will always occupy a special place in my heart. I know I can never have them back with me physically, yet I know that they are forever with me, tethered to the very fiber of my being. But I feel that my heart is opening up a new spot, and I'm not sure I'll be able to kill whatever is blooming. I'm not sure I want to.

With wide eyes I search the sky for some sort of sign, some indication that my feelings are right or wrong. But my search is cut short when I hear the door of the gas station open. Quickly, I use the sleeve of my shirt to wipe my face and hope that the darkness of night will conceal my puffy face. As my head turns to face Joel, I can almost swear I see a streak of light in the sky. But by the time I do a double take, whatever I thought I saw, is gone.

"Are you okay?" Joel's voice cautiously asks as he slowly approaches me. The stars are shining so bright tonight that I can see the familiar crease between his brows. His boots crunch softly on the loose pebbles on the pavement and I nod my head, trying to stabilize my breathing.

"I'm okay." My voice betrays me as I speak, it comes out hoarse. Joel comes to my side, and lowers himself next to me, crouching instead of resting on his knees.

"Why don't you come back inside? I'll get the fire started up again." I feel his eyes on me as I stare back at the sky, one last lone tear sliding down my cheek. Joel's words are smooth as honey, calming and soft. A gust of wind blows past us, sending another shiver up my body.

Joel must see the slight quiver as the breeze passes, and he puts an arm around my shoulders, the other under my elbow, and he helps me back to my feet. He keeps his arm gently wrapped around me as we go back to the gas station, and I lean into his touch out of instinct. Before we enter the building, I stop and take one last look at the sky, hopeful to see whatever it was that zoomed past when Joel stepped outside just to confirm what I think it was. But nothing happens.

I step back into the building in front of Joel, who works to get the fire reignited. My body begins to physically calm down from my crying, jagged breaths turn into hiccups. The first one shocks us both, but after the second I think I can almost see a tiny smile on Joel's face. However, when he turns to me after the fire is rebuilt all signs of a smile are gone and is instead replaced with a caring expression. Joel's dark brown eyes are wide and I see how his eyes look over my face, his shoulders aren't tight and rigid, he almost looks relaxed.

He walks over to me and leads me to what I've claimed as my spot for the night, marked by my backpack. Gingerly, he sits me down and crouches by my side once more, moving a rogue strand of hair out of my face that was plastered to my cheek from the tears. His fingers are warm against my face, and he lets them linger there for just a second longer than he needs to. My eyes slowly blink, appreciative of the contact. He licks his lips and his eyes look over my face once more, trying to piece together what's wrong.

"You don't have to tell me why, but I just need to know that you're alright, that you're not hurt." I look into his eyes that are inches from me and I nod with another hiccup jolting through me.

"I'm not hurt." My hoarse voice confirms to him and I wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand to dry them fully. I feel that my eyes are puffy, my lips swollen from keeping quiet and I hope I don't look as disheveled as I feel inside.

"Okay." Joel nods and only then does he back away from me. Though I wish he would stay. However, I know that with my uncertain emotions, that it's probably better he that he doesn't. For his sake. He doesn't need to be roped into my personal shit show.

Every few minutes a hiccup interrupts the quiet, and each time I see Joel struggle to keep a smile at bay. I'll admit, they do sound a little ridiculous and if I weren't so upset I'd probably laugh at them too. But as my hiccups calm down, I find myself transfixed by the dancing flames.

Perhaps I needed to come to terms with my reality, accept my losses, and understand how Ryan and Lucas are still a part of me to be okay with something new. And perhaps this something new is for the better. Even if it doesn't work out, at least I know I'm still human enough, capable enough, to keep going.

Twenty Three

[italeean]

Ahh sweetheart, congratulations!!!✨

This event looks so fun that I can’t help but want to participate~ buuut as your friend I would like you to judge me honestly. And not just give me someone I love already (unless you think it works~) ahem!

Mochii is what I go by, sweet and simple, I like to draw, play games and I adore being outside! Love going on walks, nature and in the cities~ it’s a great way to spend time with your friends and maybe even grab a fika (swing by a cafe)✨ I tend to attract myself a lot of shy, introverted people a lot ^^

I am naturally a switch. I am the king of tickle fights as one of the oldest siblings in my family. So be aware~

Oh, Genshin, obviously ✨

I would prefer male, because they are more fun than the gals in this game, sorry ladies ;-;

This is super long.. I’m sorry, love you lots mwah!🌹

CHICHIIIIIIIIII 💜😭😭 I'M SO HAPPY YOU PARTICIPATED, CHICHIISWEETHEART!!! I won't start with how amazing you are because it would take up the whole post 😅 You're here for the event, and a match-up you shall get ❤️💜🍡 *some dango for you to munch on while simping for your match*

🔮 For this event, your match is... CYNO

🔮 Why did I choose him for you?

• SAME. SWITCH. ENERGY. Both of you can be a meanie tickle monster one second and a giggly flustered mess the instant after • He's not the most extroverted person, while you are a little ball of sunshine. He'd 10000% fall for you. Hard. • He would take you to the desert at night, when it gets colder, to make you admire the breathtaking landscape • He'd say something cheesy like "you're the most breathtaking landscape" just to make you blush and huff in embarrassment • And if you hide your face, some pokes will definitely come! It's Cyno's duty as the General Mahamatra to punish you for the crime of "hiding the most beautiful face of the world" • I'm sure he would try to take you to the desert during the day as well just to show you how different it is with sunlight, but he'd end up dumping a bucket of water on you because he'd notice that you're not the best at handling the heat • Then he'd drag you all the way to Gandharva Ville and beg Tighnari to check you up just to make sure you're actually okay • Idk why but I think Tighnari would wreck both of you because you'd be two little dummies together, but your shenanigans always amuse and endear him • Since you're both athletic people, you could go on morning runs together before Cyno has to go to work, and it would be the general's second favorite moment of the day (the first would be coming home to you after work or after a mission) • I feel like Cyno would fall victim to sweet little sneak attacks... and they always work since his torso and feet are always exposed • Let's not forget that Cyno graduated from the Akademiya, so he could ramble about random facts and explain you everything you wanna know • And obviously... you'd have lots of TCG matches since you like playing games and he likes playing this game! And there may or may not be a penalty for the loser~

🔮 Tickle scenario

Being from Khaenri'ah, you weren't exactly the biggest fan of the Archons, nor the firmest believer, but you were sure that they blessed you in the instant when you met Cyno.

He was just perfect for you... and he made you feel at home in a compliment foreign country like Sumeru. He was so goofy and affectionate, but he also had that solemn aura of authority that made you admire him even more. You two shared many hobbies, which made the two of you get even closer, although the general could be merciless while playing Genius Invokation TCG...

But he usually found a way to make you forgive him for being too aggressive while playing, like he was doing when he dragged you around the whole Avidya Forest to make you see the most beautiful landscapes (he got some pointers from Tighnari).

"So... do you forgive me for yelling while playing?" The general asked you with sad, pleading puppy eyes while you two were sitting on a huge tree branch. "Well, that yell startled me quite a lot..." You pouted. The truth is, you had already forgiven him the moment he took you to a very big and tall tree to watch the sunset, but seeing him so troubled was quite cute.

"I see..." He said in a solemn tone, trying in vain to hide his sadness and mortification, "I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable, and take all the time you need to forgive me..." That tone, that nervous fidgeting with his hands, those sad eyes... you couldn't help it, you bursted out laughing.

"Cyno... babey... I was just messing with you..." You finally confessed, watching his expression turn from guilty to confused to astonished to pouty. "Come on... don't pout! I couldn't help it, your reactions were just too cute~" You teased, but the general remained grumpy.

"Awe... won't you smile for me..? I know you want to~" You whispered the last sentence into his ear while scribbling gently up and down his back, enjoying the series of startled sounds and choked laughter that left your partner's mouth.

"See? Just give in and gimme a smile, holding it in is pointless" You teased in a very sweet tone, something you probably learned while getting wrecked by Yae during your time in Inazuma.

However, Cyno was tough and it would be a lie to say you didn't know... Archons, his head was sturdier than a plank of Adhigama Wood! You were sure that only drastic measures would've been enough with him, and being a good partner you knew exactly what you needed.

In a swift movement, you straddled him and wrapped him in a tight hug, then you started blowing a series of quick little raspberries on his collarbones. It was a little unusual to be so sensitive there, but Cyno was a very peculiar person so he didn't surprise you too much.

"HMMMM- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OKAY OKAHAHAY IHIHI'M LAHAUGHIHIHIHING STAHAHAHAHAHAP" He finally gave up after lasting so long. "See? It wasn't so hard~" You kissed the white-haired guy on the nose, turning him into a flustered mess.

Eventually, the sun began to set to leave the scene to the night sky, so you and your lover decided to glide down from the tree and head home together.

However, as soon as your feet touched the ground, you stumbled over something you clearly hadn't seen, and before you knew what was going on, you found yourself lying on your stomach on the soft grass with a weight on your back.

Well... that weight had a name, and that name was Cyno.

"Cyno, what the-" You started, but he quickly interrupted you, "I, the General Mahamatra, will not tolerate your crimes of mischief any further. Judgment is upon you!"

With that sentence, he started scribbling on your right thigh and squeezing on the left one, switching techniques to never let you get used to the feeling. "Nonono- HEHEHEHEHEHEHE WAHAHAIT IHIHIHIHI'M SAHAHAHARRY NOHOHOHOT THIHIHIS!!!" You begged, but your pleads fell on deaf ears and the tickle attack continued.

"WAAAAAEEEHEHEHEHEHE PLEHEAHAHAHSE NOHOHOHOHOT THIHIHIS!! ANYTHIHIHIHING BUHUHUT THIHIHIS!!!" You pleaded pointlessly. Cyno knew your limits very well, and he was aware that you still hadn't reached it.

Suddenly, an idea hit you. You managed to turn your arms back and with a bit of luck, you found Cyno's bare feet, completely vulnerable as he was sitting on top of you. It took only a quick scribble to make him jump off and finish that tickle fight.

"You're a meanie..." You panted while you recovered from that brutal thigh-tickle attack. "But you love me~" He replied with a smug knowing smile. "Indeed I do..." You grabbed his hand and finally started heading home.

"Technically I won the tickle fight~" You teased.

"Don't make me go for another round..."

[hackerqueen]

Another Love

Chapter 8: Someone to stay

Previous <-

warnings: mention of suicide attempt

Jessy's POV

– Do you know that she saved me?

I whispered, looking into the distance. The sky wasn't beautiful. It was overcast so you couldn't see the stars. It was dark, gloomy and cold. It accurately reflected my condition as well as my companion's.

– Not only you. – Jake replied, his voice was hoarse

I looked up through my teary eyes at his face, which was illuminated by the moonlight, to see the shadows under his eyes have become even more pronounced. He was so tired.

– A few days after Richy's funeral, I wanted to die. – I started again without looking at him. All the walls around our broken hearts have fallen, leaving only the truth. A devastating truth. – I drank myself into unconsciousness even though I hadn't done so in a good few years. And I was standing there. On the bridge, swinging over the edge. I..

The hacker was tense. It was probably one of the few conversations he had with another human being. But I had to confess my sins. They've weighed heavily on my heart for too long, and Jake seemed like the only person who would listen to me at the moment.

– I was already wondering how far I would fall. How long will it be before I die? Will it be immediate or will it be endless agony? - I sniffled, fighting tears - But suddenly I heard a MC behind me. She screamed not to do it. To come home with her. What home - I thought then? Duskwood was no longer my home since I found out that the person closest to me was someone else entirely. He was a liar. Richy kidnapped and held Hannah, and a few hours later he would come to the workshop and joke with me like he always does. He did all that and then he just gone.. He killed himself and left me alone.

We were both silent for a while. I looked at his profile out of the corner of my eye. He stared at the sleepy, unlit buildings before him. I think he was very lonely. Lonelier than he lets on. Maybe lonelier than he even realizes.

– Then I felt her touch. She didn't yank me, but lightly touched my arm to make me turn around. And then I saw that she was crying too. That I wasn't the only one suffering. – my voice started to crack – It was soothing. And you know what we did then? We sat there and started drinking what was left in my vodka bottle. We drank and cried because that was all we had left. At that time, we were convinced that the people we loved the most in the world had been taken away from us. But I'll never forgive myself for what I did the next day.

I could barely speak through the spasms of tears. I was all red and trembling from them.

– The next day I packed up and left Duskwood without telling her. No apologizing. No thanking for saving a life.

I hid my face in my hands, feeling despair and shame again. Jake sighed heavily, probably hating me even more.

– I'm sure she understood.

– Of course she understood! – I burst out – I came back after half a year and when I talked to her, she didn't hate me. She said she fully understood me and that I had the right to do so. Leave, forget and come to terms with what happened. MC is the kind of person who will stay with you no matter what. She is the sun when the storm is spreading chaos all around. That's why I know I don't deserve her. Because when I left her alone, she welcomed me with open arms.

I swallowed and felt his intent gaze on me. He listened to me but did not judge.

– I've hurt a lot of people, Jake. After what Richy did, I completely changed. I pushed Dan away. MC. Everyone. I preferred to be alone so that I would never be disappointed in anyone again. To never experience the same emptiness, griefing. But it was a mistake. I was an egoist who forgot the existence of others. I forgot that Dan, Thomas and Cleo lost a friend too. I forgot Hannah was being held by a friend. And I forgot that MC lost you.

Something in his face moved. I could see how despair gripped his throat.

– So please don't make my mistake again. When you find MC, and I know you will, don't leave her. This special person who saved us all needs someone to stay with her too.

[transpondster]

Virginia Woolf wasn’t sure what she felt when she heard that Katherine Mansfield was dead. The cook, ‘in her sensational way’, had broken the news to her at breakfast: ‘Mrs Murry’s dead! It says so in the paper!’ At that one feels – what? A shock of relief? – a rival the less? Then confusion at feeling so little – then, gradually, blankness & disappointment; then a depression which I could not rouse myself from all that day. When I began to write, it seemed to me there was no point in writing. Katherine won’t read it. Katherine’s my rival no longer. While Mansfield was alive, Woolf had found her ‘cheap and hard’, ‘unpleasant’ and ‘utterly unscrupulous’. It bothered her that she wasn’t sure if Mansfield liked her – letters and invitations often went unanswered. And she sensed that Mansfield was holding something back: ‘We did not ever coalesce.’ But, on balance, she hadn’t wanted her dead, even if she had sometimes wished that she didn’t exist: ‘Damn Katherine! Why can’t I be the only woman who knows how to write?’ She decided that she would have preferred for Mansfield to ‘have written on, & people would have seen that I was the more gifted – that wd. only have become more & more apparent’. And on Mansfield’s side? ‘How I envy Virginia; no wonder she can write,’ she told her husband, angry that he wouldn’t take care of her the way that Leonard Woolf took care of his wife. ‘That’s one thing I shall grudge Virginia all her days – that she & Leonard were together.’ Mansfield thought that if only she’d had Woolf’s life (‘her roof over her – her own possessions round her – and her man somewhere within call’), she might have written novels too. But although she had sometimes looked up to Woolf (six years her senior) and admired the ‘strange, trembling, glinting quality’ of Woolf’s mind, she couldn’t forgive her ‘intellectual snobbery’, ‘arrogance and pride’, ‘boundless vanity and conceit’. The ‘Blooms Berries’ had made Mansfield feel like a ‘stranger – an alien’, never letting her forget, as she wrote in her journal, that she was ‘the little Colonial walking in the London garden patch – allowed to look, perhaps, but not to linger’. She wanted to ‘be bold and beat these people’; she flirted with them at their parties while plotting to ‘crush’ them.

Deborah Friedell · I behave like a fiend: Katherine Mansfield’s Lies, London Review of Books

[junowritings]

Can I request a match up for Baldur's Gate 3 please?

My preferred pronouns: she/her

My partner preferences : Male except Raphael, Emperor, Cazador, Thorm, and the Withers!

My personality : I'm shy, timid, quiet & polite to strangers. With people I'm comfortable with, I'm loud, outgoing, playful, mature, responsible, motherly(to naughty friends), childlike(to mature friends/family) and sarcastic (unintentionally).

I'm kinda tomboyish as I wear over-sized t-shirts, baggy pants, sneakers but don't play sports or video games. I'm a slow learner, not smart, not strong, and not talented.

I'm pretty dense, straightforward, oblivious, and naive too.I get confused or misunderstand what people meant easily so it's best if you tell me straight to my face so I can't be mistaken. I'm also touch starved as I love giving & receiving affection but I only can hug one person and even then, I do my best to not overdo it.

I'm a hopeless romantic, dense, sensitive, forgetful, unreliable, & overthink often. I work as hard as I can & try my best & be careful as I can to everything I do, as I'm pretty clumsy & makes mistakes more often than most people. I try to help my family and friends as they've helped me & cared for me dearly.

I try to communicate properly & ask for their consent first before doing anything because I misunderstood that I had their permission before. I do my best to give people the benefit of doubt but I do have my limits. I don't really get angry often that even my family & friends are surprised when it happens once in a blue moon.

I don't believe in compliments I get occasionally or why my family & friends care for me because I don't see good things in myself only bad things.I'm kinda perverted which contrasts my innocent & baby face. I keep it to myself though. I always need to let the cinema employees check my identity card to verify my age whenever I watch a R-rated movie.

Although a kind stranger realises I'm older than I looked when we talked about how I didn't lashed out in anger at someone who didn't do anything wrong to me because I know how it felt to be in that position

Hobbies : drawing, reading manga, listening to music, fanfics especially reader inserts, and watching anime, movies, & cartoons. My favourite genre is romance but I love comedy, mystery, action, sci-fi, fantasy, and historical too! My favourite music genre is pop, but I also love ballads, & alternative rock!

Likes : music, fanfiction, manga, anime, cartoons, books (If I find it interesting), family, friends, potato chips, chocolate, cakes, bread, anyone who is kind, patient, supportive, helpful, tries at least, trustworthy, responsible, fair in general, respectful, flexible, honest, open-minded, humble, sincere, accepting, thoughtful, encouraging, forgiving, careful, understanding, wise, mature, cooperative, caring, etc. That's more but that's all I could think of

Dislikes : anyone who's rude, disrespectful, doesn't listen to others, refuse to admit mistakes, blames others for their mistakes, ignores people yet demands attention from them, demanding, won't acknowledge what you said, hypocritical, biased, irresponsible, careless, disloyal, inconsiderate, insensitive, inflexible, petty, hostile, untrustworthy, immature, uncooperative, unforgiving, judgemental, narrow-minded, self-centred, unethical, self-righteous, etc. That's more but that's all I could think of

Please & thank you!

Of course you can hun! Hell yeah first match up for BG3! Thank you so much for the request and I do hope that you're doing well!

Now without further ado, I match you with...

Hun you deserve a whole lot of love, and no one is more willing to provide it than Dammon! 

Dammon has an affable personality - warm and easygoing to everyone he’s crossed paths with. It makes even some of the most hardened hearts melt like metal over a forge fire, so don’t be surprised if you find yourself warming up to him faster than you’d expect. 

The first few times that the pair of you meet it’s understandable to be shy and quiet. He’ll respect that you may not be the most outgoing around someone you haven’t gotten the time to know. He’s happy to be the mediator for you; he’ll fill in the gaps with idle chatter as he works, prodding with the occasional curious question about yourself or your day if your comfortable. Honestly he’s content to simply exist in your space until those short, polite responses of yours begin to ease into something more genuine - something a little more you.

He admittedly feels proud when you begin to open up around him, since it’s a sign that you’re feeling more comfortable around him. It’s exciting seeing you acting more carefree and loud! The playfulness and sarcasm is a pleasant surprise for him. Dammon can sometimes be downright wicked, so if you’re in any playful kind of mood? You guys go together like a match and oil, much to the detriment of any friends in the vicinity. Plus, even if you don’t notice you’re being sarcastic, the snort and poorly concealed chuckle from the tiefling wherever he is becomes enough of an indication - he can’t help but get a little kick out of the confused look you give him till you clock onto why he’s so easily amused.

You say you’re untalented and not smart, but Dammon will be firm in insisting otherwise! The look on his face the first time you’d said it, so casually as though it were the truth - it genuinely left him speechless. He’d stop whatever he’s doing to move over to your side, taking your hands in his and tugging you so close like his touch will somehow convince you that he means it when he tells you that couldn’t be further from the truth. There's no missing the way you view yourself with a critical eye, so he delegates himself to professional encourager to balance that out - actually called himself that once and will actively do it again if it so much as gets a smile out of you. Not to mention it’s a wonderful excuse to shower you in praise every chance he gets; which with his penchant for encouraging words and teasing means you better get used to being on the receiving end of his endless affections. 

Dammon’s a quick learner. Once he notices that you struggle with misunderstandings he tries to keep in mind to be a little more straightforward in conversation. If he notices in conversations with others that whoever’s talking has lost you with what they’re doing or saying, Dammon doesn’t think twice about subtly leaning in to fill you in on the blanks. He wants you to feel included and doesn’t want you feeling left out - he’s a considerate guy!

Say goodbye to being touch starved because this man is HERE. Dammon gets fidgety when he’s got nothing to work on; he’s so used to working with the heft of tools in his hands that they feel a little emptier without them. Before you two became a thing he’d bring some of his tinier passion projects to tinker with outside the forge, eager to tell you all about them since he doesn’t want you to mistakenly think he’s uninterested. After that though things are still the same, just that these projects have now been replaced by you. Honestly if he had his way he’d always want to be touching you in some way - and if you’re comfortable he will! His hands will always seek out yours for comfort, giving reassuring squeezes when he catches you overthinking. 

Soft touches to your arms, along your back, wherever this tiefling can reach he’s there - there’s just so much of you to love! And when his hands are occupied his tail is right there, circling around your wrist or curling round your hip to keep you in his space. Be sure to give him plenty of love too! Communication comes into play a lot here - Dammon will reassure you every time that he wants whatever affection you’re comfortable to give, but he appreciates that you check in beforehand; it’s a sweet gesture.

Let him listen to your music! He’s got a tendency to get any kind of music stuck in his head even after the first listen; Alfira’s tunes back at the Grove always had him tapping out the notes with clawed fingers along his workspace. Cutest thing is he doesn’t even know he’s doing it - please point out that he’s tapping out a tune or humming along to one of the songs you’d shown him under his breath; he goes copper up to his ears whenever you mention it.

Enjoys hearing about all of your interests, but the pair of you really hit it off over the books. On the road there wasn’t much time or luxury to expand on his reading aside from the few things Dammon brought with him; and books that could be carried on the move were hard to come by. Now that he’s settled in Baldur’s gate he’s set on spending more time doing stuff he enjoys - he’s more than earned the rest at least. And what better way to spend that time than being cuddled up into your side, content to read either alongside you or while you’re enjoying your other hobbies. Dammon’s a sucker for any kind of domestic intimacy like this, and he’ll share the books that he has with you if you’ll do the same. 

That being said, there's no way he’s giving up that one book in his room easily, at least not until you two have been together for a while. Though, that resolve lasts about as long as it takes for you to kiss the guy till he can’t think straight. 

Needless to say, Dammon’s certainly smitten with you.

[afra-blueraz]

🐺 Yuna Sekigetsuro 🐺

⚠️ Please note that Yuna is not a real person. But I wanna imagine her as myself for my self-insert ship with Yui. So she can be an OC or me. ⚠️

🐺 _____________________________________ 🐺

General information

Real name: Sekigetsuro Afra

Changed name: Sekigetsuro Yuna

Kanji: 赤月狼 優菜

Kana: せキげっロ ユナ

Name explanation:

赤 ( Seki ) _ red

月 ( getsu ) _ moon

狼 ( ro ) _ wolf

優 ( Yu ) _ gentleness

菜 ( na ) _ greens

Age: 18 ( Changed her records of her age to 20 )

Birthday: March 24th

Zodiac Sign: Aries ( Ram )

Race: A werewolf from the red moon clan

Blood Type: O_

Gender: Female

Pronounce: She / Her

Sexuality: Bisexual

School: Ryoutei Academi, English Teacher

Voice Actor: WIP

🐺 _____________________________________ 🐺

Appearance

Sprites: WIP

Ryoutei Academi: WIP

Hair: When Yuna was a child, she had long and dark black hair. Her hair was wavy and sloppy. After immigrating to Japan, she cut her hair. Now she has short, dark wavy hair.

Before immigrating to Japan VS After that

Eyes: In her human form, Yuna has dark black eyes. But when the moon is full and her wolf power goes out of control, her eyes turn blood red.

Height: 163 cm / 5'4 ft

Weight: 46 kg

Body type: Yuna has a very skinny body.

Scent: Yuna was a girl who lived in the forest. She loved the pleasant and natural scent of flowers, that's why modern perfumes are too artificial and annoying for her. Because Yuna has a half-forest, her hair always smells of Afra flowers. If Yuna wants to use perfume, she prefers to use natural perfumes. She loves the scent of flowers, especially Afra flowers.

Style: Yuna is not a fashion girl and prefers to wear simple clothes. She wears glasses with a red frame, which was the symbol of their clan. During the red moon, when Yuna's wolf power is at its maximum and her eyes turn red, she does not need to wear glasses.

School: Yuna is employed as an English teacher at the academy so she doesn't need to wear a uniform. She usually does not wear formal clothes and appears in the class as a teacher with a normal look.

General: Yuna is not a fashion girl and prefers comfortable clothes. She usually wears clothes that cover most of her body because it makes her feel safe. She usually wears a white shirt and a blue wool vest. However, she likes to have a little girly style, so instead of wearing pants, she usually wears skirts. Yuna prefers to use boots instead of shoes.

Colors: Red is the symbol of her clan so everyone knows Yuna as a red girl. But her favorite colors are blue and purple so she usually use blue for her clothes. And white and black are so common in her clothes.

Yuna with Ryoutei outfit: WIP

Yuna's winter and autumn outfits: WIP

Yuna's underwear + pajamas outfits: WIP

Yuna's usual outfits:

Yuna's usual shoes:

🐺 _____________________________________ 🐺

Personality

MBTI: INTJ_A

When Yuna was a child, she was very happy and lively. She was playing in the forest and was very happy. After what happened to her family, Yuna became a bit isolated and introverted. She is very kind, but she gets very angry when others take advantage of her kindness. Yuna hardly trusts others and tries not to get too close to people. She hardly forgets and forgives the mistakes of others, but still tries to be more kind. She is very loyal and her family and friends are very important to her and she tries her best to take care of them.

More information about INTJs:

INTJs are hardworking, independent, and curious. INTJs often train their analytical eye on systems to see how things operate. These personality types often have self-motivation and work best independently or on small teams.

INTJs can be both the boldest of dreamers and the bitterest of pessimists. They believe that, through willpower and intelligence, they can achieve even the most challenging goals. But these personalities may be cynical about human nature more generally, assuming that most people are lazy, unimaginative, or simply doomed to mediocrity.

Likes: reading books, writing, walking in a garden ( because she remembers her real home in forest ), smelling flowers, cooking, drawing arts ( she is a big artist ), blue sky, nature

Dislikes: Crowded places, big cities, polluted air, noisy places, two_faced people, hunters

Strengths:

intelligence

Creativity

Painting

Flight

wolf power

Strong sense of smell

mind reading

Knowing people

Playing chess almost better than anyone

Weaknesses:

Lack of trust in people

being isolated

not being social

Nervous attacks due to trauma

🐺 _____________________________________ 🐺

Relationships

Canon story: In her canon story Yui is her girlfriend.

Au Ships / RP: based on our roleplays I don't mine ship Yuna with other OCs. But don't force her into relationships.

Yuna's relationship with canon characters: WIP

Yuna's relationship with other OCs: WIP

Ex-boyfriend: Hayashi Kenzo (deceased)

Father: Sekigetsuro Sota (deceased)

Mother: Kimaru Mika (deceased)

Cousin: Sekigetsuro Shina

Founded family: WIP

🐺 _____________________________________ 🐺

Backstory

Before Yuna was born:

Sekigetsuro Sota was the son of the chief of one of the largest werewolf clans known as the Red Moon Clan. This clan had very strong wolves that absorbed their most power from the moon during the red moon. This clan had extraordinary powers that they had to hide from greedy people.

Finally Sota grew up and met a girl from another clan and they fell in love and got married and their marriage brought about the union of two great clans.

Chlidhood:

After Sota and Mika got married, they had a daughter. The girl who was born at the time of the red moon set and symbolized a new power for the red moon clan. The power that strengthened this tribe and made their union stronger and stronger every day.

The girl had dark black hair that smelled of Afra flowers. A flower that Mika loved so she named her daughter Afra. Every time she hugged her and stroked her hair, she smelled the pleasant aroma of Afra.

Sota was very proud of his daughter and knew that she was the symbol of the glory of their territory and tribe and that she was supposed to be the largest tribe of werewolves.

Sota loved his daughter and raised her with love. He used to play with his daughter in the forests among the dense trees and teach her to become a powerful queen for her tribe one day.

Before leaving the forest:

Afra had a boyfriend named Kenzo from her mother's clan. They secretly played by the river that glowed at night and shared their first kiss there. The only person who knew about Afra and Kenzo's relationship was her cousin Shina and she always encouraged Afra to make her relationship with Kenzo stronger. Those three people were also best friends.

One day when they were playing by the river, far from home, hunters attacked their clan and killed most of their tribe.

Sota ran to save his daughter and niece but could not find them. When Afra came back, it was already too late. Everyone was dead. Afra heard her father's last words to her: I love you.

After leaving the forest:

Afra, Kenzo, and Shina ran away together. But finding a safe place was almost impossible. The hunters searched everywhere to finally find the daughter of the chief of the tribe who has great power.

When the hunters found the three, Kenzo shielded himself to save the girl he loves with all his heart. Kenzo's body fell into Afra's arms and he said to Afra with a beautiful smile: I love you Afra. please be strong

It was hard for Afra to leave Kenzo and the house, but Afra and Shina had to run for their lives. The hunters chased them and almost succeeded in killing Afra until a very large orange wolf was found and saved them.

When Afra regained consciousness, she met a man who introduced himself as Tsukinami Shin. Shin took care of Afra and Shina for a while, that's why Afra owes her life to Shin. Shin helped them escape from their country and go to Japan.

After immigrating to Japan:

As strangers, Afra and Shina were forced to stay in Japan to avoid predators. Fortunately, both of them had good skills in learning foreign languages ​​and were able to learn Japanese very quickly. But Afra, who was much smarter, learned other languages ​​besides Japanese.

In order to find a suitable job, Afra manipulated her records and created a fake name and age for herself so that she could find a job. Her real name was Afra and she changed it to Yuna. The only people who called her Afra were her family, her boyfriend, her cousin and Yui.

Ryoutei Academi:

She was hired as an English teacher at the academy, where she met a girl named Komori Yui.

🐺 _____________________________________ 🐺

⚠️ Spoil for her future route ⚠️

After finding a job at the academy, she met a girl named Yui Komori who lived with four brothers, the Mukami brothers.

One of the brothers, named Ruki, became suspicious of Yuna's fake identity and set out to uncover her secret.

While Yui and Yuna's relationship grew stronger, Ruki tried his best to keep Yui away from Yuna.

🐺 _____________________________________ 🐺

⚠️ Important notes: All arts has been drawn by me. Don't repost. Reblog is OK. ⚠️

⚠️ The photos in edits are from pinterest. ⚠️

🐺 _____________________________________ 🐺

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

Can I request a match up for Baldur's Gate 3 & Castlevania (Netflix) please?

My personality : I'm shy, timid, quiet & polite to strangers. With people I'm comfortable with, I'm loud, outgoing, playful, mature, responsible, motherly(to naughty friends), childlike(to mature friends/family) and sarcastic (unintentionally).

I'm kinda tomboyish as I wear over-sized t-shirts, baggy pants, sneakers but don't play sports or video games. I'm a slow learner, not smart, not strong, and not talented.

I'm pretty dense, straightforward, oblivious, and naive too.I get confused or misunderstand what people meant easily so it's best if you tell me straight to my face so I can't be mistaken. I'm also touch starved as I love giving & receiving affection but I only can hug one person and even then, I do my best to not overdo it.

I'm a hopeless romantic, sensitive, forgetful, & overthink often. I work as hard as I can & try my best & be careful as I can to everything I do, as I'm pretty clumsy & makes mistakes more often than most people. I try to help my family and friends as they've helped me & cared for me dearly.

I try to communicate properly & ask for their consent first before doing anything because I misunderstood that I had their permission before. I do my best to give people the benefit of doubt but I do have my limits. I don't really get angry often that even my family & friends are surprised when it happens once in a blue moon.

I don't believe in compliments I get occasionally or why my family & friends care for me because I don't see good things in myself only bad things.

I'm kinda perverted which contrasts my innocent & baby face. I keep it to myself though. I always need to let the cinema employees check my identity card to verify my age whenever I watch a R-rated movie.

Although a kind stranger realises I'm older than I looked when we talked about how I didn't lashed out in anger at someone who didn't do anything wrong to me because I know how it felt to be in that position.

Best attributes : None

Worst attributes : unintentionally sarcastic, not smart, not strong, dense, oblivious, naive, sensitive, overthinks a lot, clumsy, misunderstand easily, get confused easily, forgetful,unreliable. That's more but that's all I could think of.

Hobbies : drawing, reading manga, listening to music, fanfics especially reader inserts, and watching anime, movies, & cartoons. My favourite genre is romance but I love comedy, mystery, action, sci-fi, fantasy, and historical too! My favourite music genre is pop, but I also love ballads, & alternative rock!

Likes : music, fanfiction, manga, anime, cartoons, books (If I find it interesting), family, friends, potato chips, chocolate, cakes, bread, anyone who is kind, patient, supportive, helpful, tries at least, trustworthy, responsible, fair in general, respectful, flexible, honest, open-minded, humble, sincere, accepting, thoughtful, encouraging, forgiving, careful, understanding, wise, mature, cooperative, caring, etc. That's more but that's all I could think of.

Dislikes : anyone who's rude, disrespectful, doesn't listen to others, refuse to admit mistakes, blames others for their mistakes, ignores people yet demands attention from them, demanding, won't acknowledge what you said, hypocritical, biased, irresponsible, careless, disloyal, inconsiderate, insensitive, inflexible, petty, hostile, untrustworthy, immature, uncooperative, unforgiving, judgemental, narrow-minded, self-centred, unethical, self-righteous, etc. That's more but that's all I could think of.

MBTI : INFP-T

Preferred gender result : Male except Raphael, Emperor, Cazador, Thorm, and the Withers!

I'm open whether it's a poly or a monogomous answer.

Please & thank you!

A/N: Okay, first let me just say, HOLY SHIT, this is such a detailed ask! Thank you for being so specific as it really helps the matchup process! Secondly, I would like to say, OF COURSE YOU HAVE BEST ATTRIBUTES! You say so yourself, silly! You’re caring and considerate (always looking for consent, and giving people the benefit of the doubt), you’re hard-working (you try your best even though you’re clumsy and make mistakes often), and you’re extremely considerate, responsible, and self-aware (having this sense of duty to care for your family as they’ve cared for you in the past). 

I know it can be challenging to believe in yourself, god knows I don’t all of the time. But I just wanted to tell you that just by reading this I can tell you you’re an INCREDIBLE person worthy of all such love, friendship, respect, and happiness. And I wish for all of that for you. People give you compliments because they love you, and they want you to love yourself. I know we’re still technically strangers, but from this, I can tell you’re a brilliant, responsible, and empathetic young lady; I would feel proud to call you a friend. Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk, okay?

Okay… Sorry. Mushy rant over. On to the matchups!

For you my Unconvinced Anon, I think your best matches are Halsin (BG3) and Hector (Castlevania)!

Your BG3 Matchup: 

Halsin would be a great match for you! He’s kind and wise, and very soft-spoken. You’re extremely compatible as Halsin is fairly intuitive when it comes to feelings and relationships, so even if you are forgetful or misunderstood, it’s no matter. 

Halsin is also very forward and direct in telling people how he feels and what he wants. Some people (and some game players) can find this to be offensive. But Halsin does not intend to offend or overstep. And should you tell him to please reel it in, he will gladly do so. You too mention how you are often unintentionally sarcastic and straightforward. Halsin is someone who greatly appreciates this level of honesty in a partner. He finds it preferable to those who would play games or beat around the bush with their feelings. 

Halsin also likes your style. Druids tend to appreciate function over form in most that they do, and clothing is no exception. So long as you are comfortable, and covered enough to not break any public indecency laws, Halsin doesn’t care that you aren’t wearing flower skirts or embroidered coats. What works for you, works for him. Although yes, he still doesn’t see a big deal with people walking around naked. He’d fit right in at a nudist colony that’s for sure lol. But he understands not everyone is as comfortable with nudeness as he is, so he promises to remain clothed unless you would ask otherwise of him ;) 

Halsin appreciates your more mature, motherly nature. Especially since he can use all of the help he can get teaching and sort of parenting all of the orphans he’s taken into his new settlement, outside of the city. He admires how you inspire the children to be honest and kind in their actions, even when it may get them into trouble. You lead by example, and to Halsin, there simply is no better way to lead. 

He also rather enjoys your naughtier side. Gods know he certainly has one. And it’s always a comfort to find someone with an open mind surrounding such adult or perverse subjects as opposed to someone who would be judgemental and stick up their nose. 

Halsin is also very understanding when it comes to physical boundaries. Yes, he would love to be intimate with you, as well as hold you or cuddle during the long cold nights. But he also understands that not everyone is as friendly to touch as he is, so he will always ask for permission before touching you or hugging or kissing you. And who knows? Maybe in time the two of you can work through baby steps to a level where you feel comfortable with him touching you. Don’t worry, however, Halsin will still make a point to check in with you first. And if you don’t ever feel overly touchy, that’s fine too. Halsin enjoys your company just as much. 

However, Halsin does take a small issue with you not believing you have ‘best qualities’, as you said. He thinks you’re full of great qualities! He loves how excited you get when you talk about the latest historical romance novel you’ve read. He loves how considerate you are, especially when it comes to speaking to the children or irritated people, and how you don’t immediately assume the worst of them. He thinks it admirable. 

Halsin is an ENFJ (at least in my opinion), so when you are introverted, he’s extroverted. If you’re around unfamiliar people and feeling shy, he’ll do the talking for you, no problem. Halsin’s extroversion is also great for you because it can push you out of your comfort zone, and into trying new things and meeting new people. He’s always bragging about you, how incredible he thinks you are. And he proudly shows off the drawings you allow him to share. He just can’t help but beam when it comes to you. 

On the other hand, you’re both NFs (Intuitive Feelers), so you end up creating a very soft, and understanding harmonious relationship. You’re both highly empathetic and compassionate, so once you’re in a relationship together, you can stay in it for the long haul. You believe in working things out via communication and love. ENFJs are also driven by a need to be better, whereas you as an INFP, are driven by a sense of responsibility to do something important. The two of you understand that life is about those around you, not just about yourself. Your combined selflessness makes you the perfect couple!

And don’t tell him I said this, but get a few drinks in him and Halsin will reveal that he actually has a decent singing voice. Let him serenade you with old druidic ballads about the land and love and nature’s greatest creations. Just try not to blush too hard when he stops the song to inform you that in his eyes, YOU are nature’s greatest creation. 

Your Castlevania Matchup: 

Hector would be another wonderful match for you! He’s more on the quiet side, but once he develops a relationship with someone, he does open up and show off a more witty sort of dark-humored funny side. 

In the early seasons, Hector is also rather naive, almost childlike in his understanding of the world and the figures around them. He takes everyone at face value, not bothering to wonder if there’s something unsaid lying just beneath a conversation or agreement’s surface. Of course, once he is tricked by Carmilla into betraying Dracula, much of that changes. Sure, the childlike wonder and innocence Hector has for all of his undead animal creations is still there, but he’s matured. He’s learned. 

Hector would be a good match for you because he understands what it means to go through life not quite understanding what people are saying, and what’s more, being an outcast because of it. He will do his best to be direct/straightforward when talking to you because he knows you need it, and because he’s learned that when it comes to the people you love, honestly, however painful it may be in the short run, is the best policy in the long run. A temporary bruised pride or ego is nothing compared to the scar left by a former relationship that was ultimately built on lies. 

Hector also has a very distinct fashion sense. I mean, have you seen his hair? He’s gorgeous with that hair and skin and he doesn’t mind that others know it. He likes your more relaxed style. In Dracula’s court, he and Issac were always under such pressure to look clean-cut and important. It’s nice to be able to relax and not worry about his manner of dress when you’re around. 

And if anyone is touch starved, oh my god, it’s this man. Sure he had some experiences in the past, and then he spent a short while with Lenore, but it wasn’t the same. It didn’t mean what he wanted it to. It was all an illusion and a fleeting one at that. Hector doesn’t know what it means to feel a lover’s touch. He’s completely inexperienced in that department. He’s no stranger to sex, but what of softness and tenderness beyond that? Has he ever had one of those incredibly comforting bear hugs, the ones where both people wish they could stay there, holding onto one another for eternity? Has he ever sat next to his lover on the couch, their thighs just barely brushing up against one another, and felt safe, felt at home? Hector doesn’t know whether or not he’s touch-averse because touch is foreign to him. The two of you would get to learn together where each of your boundaries are, and how each of you would need to be touched to feel loved. The great bit is you’d be discovering all of that together. 

I would also argue that early seasons Hector, and even later Hector is a hopeless romantic. Not necessarily in the lovey-dovey sort of way, but in the looking to the future with rose-colored-glasses sort of way. His vision for Dracula’s future was certainly much more lush than what Dracula suggested. And his view of summoning souls into corpses in his forge-mastery is also clouded by this sort of soft, glamourized view. 

The other thing you have in common with Hector seems to be this recurring theme that you need to be or should be better for the people you love. Hector has a fair amount of guilt for doing what he did, with choosing to believe Carmilla over Dracula, with not understanding the true scope of either of the vampire’s plans. He feels like he let Dracula, Issac, vampire society, and humanity down. I can sort of hear a similar thing in your writing. Now, I don’t know the reason for you feeling this way, so I can’t relate it to Hector’s internal justification, but I can confidently say this: he understands, probably more than anyone, why you feel this way. He sees the way you shrug off his compliments, how you don’t seem to believe him when he says he’s proud of you and so happy he gets to share his second shot at life with you. He knows it will take time, but he won’t stop reminding you that, to him, you are beyond incredible. And he’s so unbelievably fortunate to have met you. 

In the past humans have treated him horribly. They’ve been all the things you dislike: closed-minded, judgemental, hypocritical, superiorly indignant… They cast him out. But you, you’re so kind, and considerate, empathetic, and humble. You are living proof that humans can be more than cruel and closed off- you’re the best humanity has to offer. Hector can’t believe he almost condemned someone like you, and the other side of humanity that you represent, to death. Knowing you, he swears he will never make a mistake like that again: no ignorant group judgments from here on out. 

Plus Hector is (in my opinion), an INTP. With you being an INFP, you’re both introverts who enjoy the quiet. The big difference is that you are an Intuitive Feeler, he’s an Intuitive Thinker, so he tends to be driven more by logic and facts rather than emotions. In some cases, this may result in Hector not quite understanding why you react to something because he’s looking at it from a distanced, scientific view. He may come off as critical at times because of this, but I believe his more recent experiences have taught him the importance of communication. As long as the two of you are willing, you should be able to talk these disagreements or misunderstandings out. It’s also great for him because you keep teaching him that some choices cannot be logically quantified, there’s no clear-cut rationale behind them. In a lot of instances, choosing to be kind doesn’t make sense: it doesn’t follow any specific rules or purpose, but it’s the right thing to do. Your unique approach to thinking about life and people and problem-solving pushes Hector to become more aware and compassionate when it comes to his fellow man. 

Plus, with his plans to write a book, and your love for interesting reading, Hector would love nothing more than for you to enjoy his writing, and offer any feedback you’d have. He values your opinion, your company, your… Well, everything. You mean the world to him. 

The two of you get to live a kind, peaceful life, with your friends, family, and of course, your own little army of undead pets to keep you company.  

A/N: Holy fricken shit this answer is 2,000 words long! Whoops. My apologies. It kind of got away from me a little bit lol. I just want to reiterate for other readers, this isn’t my norm. These matchups are intended to be shorter. But this Anon here sounded like they could use some cheering up, so my creative juices jumped into hyperdrive. 

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[ask-a-bot]

The younglings take their pills with a spoonful pf yogurt or ice cream, it helps our youngest to not feel the pill because swallowing a pill scares her. Megatron, I hope Sunstreaker did not offend or guilt you. He was not supposed to use the comm unit unsupervised, but I think he needed to say what he did, even if it wasn't necessarily in the kindest words. Is there anything else you need to get off your chest, Sun?

... I'm still... I don't know if I can ever forgive you, and I sure as frag am never going to forget the war, but... I can accept that you're trying your best to make things better. And our best is all we can ever do. ... Are you going to make me talk?

No, Sun. You weren't supposed to go behind our backs like that, but I understand that this is between you. I know it's hard, and if you want to talk, we can, but you're not in trouble.

That is a helpful hint. I dislike solid medicines myself. My preferred method of taking something is directly into the energon lines, through the valve at the wrist.

That's for- Megatron! D'you intentionally make yourself worse so we'll have to give you emergency medication via the wrist?

Of course not, Prime! That would be completely irresponsible.

Well... OK.

He did not say anything that I have not already thought about multiple times myself. I do not deserve kindness.

That's not true! Megatron, maybe if the world hadn't been so harsh and unforgiving, you wouldn't-

Somebody else would have, Prime – someone like Tarn, using my calls for peace and justice as an excuse to do far, far worse than anything I could imagine in even my darkest of moments. The downtrodden were all angry – that is why we were all so dangerous.

What we got was a war – it could just as easily have been a series of rioting and looting, without a leader and without any semblance of order: bands of angry hoodlums, striking all over the place at once, killing the innocent, turning weapons upon the police for which they were completely unprepared.

I am not saying that what I caused was good and I am not saying that the outcome could not have been better, but it could have been much worse. Very much worse.

And you don't deserve kindness or forgiveness because...?

Because what I did – what I caused – was terrible anyway! It was going to happen, but that does not make it right. Two wrongs never make a right. I know that now.