#which is why i havent been very active for the last week

[kaidatheghostdragon]

Prompt: Jason and Jazz are the reincarnation of Thomas and Martha Wayne

Either bruce or alfred realize it when they walk in on jason and jazz dancing in one of the lesser-used rooms in the manor to one of martha's favorite vinyl records.

[thesmutsideblog]

Never Ever? - Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: After a you and your long term ex breakup, some truths about your sex life come to light at the BAU and the idea that you've never had an orgasm, does not fly with Spencer Reid.

Reader is AFAB, and the story is using she/her pronouns, mostly because this one is really self indulgent and loosely based on me being pissed off about my ex.

Content warnings: dumbification of Spencer Reid, simp Spencer, shitty ex boyfriend, self indulgent writing, no beta or proof reading, cursing, smut, sexual worship, porn with plot I guess.

I have never written in second person before so I can only apologise for the shit quality of this, I havent written smut since 2018 and it's unedited, there is going to be spelling issues it's the dyslexia I'm sorry xx

GIF by comeandjointhebigboys

Spencer is doing everything in his power to look like he is minding his business, mostly because he really is trying to not eavesdrop. He came over to make a cup of coffee because he got barely any sleep last night and he wants to keep focused. But with no case directly at hand, there was something else the team were paying attention to and it was impossible for Spencer to completely ignore it.

"So he just, broke up with you?" Emily asks, dumbfounded.

"Over the phone," you say tilting your mug towards yourself, choosing to stare down at the small remainder of your coffee rather than to make eye contact with your team members.

"What an asshole," JJ says, lacing her arms together, until she looks like a disapproving mother. "Did he say why?"

"He said, we were going different places, and it would be a disservice to the time we spent together to pretend to be happy and keep lying to eachother," you say, sighing and putting the mug down, choosing to accept this caring interrogation about your breakup as your fate for the next twenty minutes.

"He used those words?" Emily asks, still trying to grapple the concept that your boyfriend, who she had met on a few occasions and had some thoughts she kept to herself about, had broken up with you.

"He used those words but what he really meant was 'I want to start sleeping with my twenty year old coworker and you spend too much time at work, so I'm ending things,' but he won't have the decency to admit that, despite the fact he was sleeping with her before the week was out," you roll your eyes as Emily and JJ continue to voice their disgust, loudly across the bullpen. You catch Spencer's eye for a moment and give him a small sad smile across the room, he nods and then looks away.

The guilt is eating Spencer alive. It's not like he actually had anything to do with the end of your relationship, he actively kept himself far away from it and even discussing it with you as possible. But the facts still remained the same, he likes you. He has liked you since your first day at the BAU and his feelings have never faltered. But you have always been in that relationship since long before he met you, and he knew that he didn't stand a chance, and he wouldn't want to mess around with that anyway. But he was unable to disagree with Prentiss, his own feelings for you aside, the simple fact of the matter was you have always been well out of your exes league. You are beautiful, and intelligent and charismatic, and your ex thought he was those things but more often than not fell short.

It's not like he even wished that your relationship would end and could blame it on the unlikely event of magical intervention. But the sheer fact that he was undeniably happier that you were no longer dating a man you were once very much in love with, that was enough to have him feeling guilty. Which is one of the many reasons he is really trying to not get involved in this conversation. One of the many reasons he is trying to keep a distance.

"How long were you two together again, like three years?" JJ asks. You shake your head.

"High school sweethearts," you correct her, "it's been a lot longer than three years."

"And he broke up with you over the phone, for a co-worker?" Emily emphasis each word in the sentence as she slowly sounds them out.

"He denies the last part but, yes," you nod.

"What are you beautiful ladies being so loud about?" Derek asks, approaching the three of you with some files in hand.

"The fact that men never fail to both disappoint and astound me," Emily states looking up at Derek from her seat, "no offence."

"None taken, but a little context wouldn't go a miss," he says looking at each of you in turn.

"My ex is a pig," you explain as nonchalantly as you can manage. You're trying really hard to be very collected about this. You've had a few days to process the breakup and you knew it was coming, even if you won't admit that to yourself. But being broken up with hurts, whether you see it coming or not. He was the only person you ever really dated, and having spent so much of your life with him this was a big adjustment. But deep down you weren't exactly mad about the situation, as much as it made you feel a lot better to complain about it. Things had not been right between the two of you for quite some time, and you find yourself almost relieved that it's over. But that still gave him no right to be as much of an asshole about it all as he has been.

"So he is the only guy you've ever really dated then, huh?" Emily asks. You give her a look as the thought crosses through her mind. "Wait, does that mean?"

"We started dating when we were barely more than kids Emily," you defend.

"So it's just been that guy, that guy?" Emily is struggling to be even the smallest part composed. "What is wrong with men?"

"You need some strange," Derek says casually.

"Morgan," JJ scolds him but Emily is slowly nodding her head. "Emily..."

"Best way to get over someone," Emily points out.

"Wow, I am not getting under anyone," you state, holding up your hands.

"Look, I understand the appeal of someone you've been with for a long time, they know you, they know what you like," Derek leans back on the table, "so new is risky, and some people really don't have a clue what they're doing I'll admit," he chuckles, "but trust me the longer you leave it-" Derek knows he isn't crossing a boundary, you and him have had plenty of conversations, but as soon as you give him the look to stop talking, he stops.

"I appreciate your concern but sex, is really not at the top of my priority list," you say.

"Please don't let a guy like that ruin it for you," Emily is staring up at the ceiling all types of distressed at the idea of your ex and his general existence.

"I don't think you need to worry about him ruining anything for me, more like just wasting my time," you say before realising that may be revealing too much. All three of them look at you instantly. "Do not read into that."

"Disinterest," Emily states looking you up and down. "And no immediate desire to release that usually comes with a breakup."

"We're not really doing this, are we?" JJ asks looking between the two profilers concerned.

"She's been distant the last few months, talking less and less about him, so the breakup wasn't unexpected, which means the sexlife probably wasn't up to scratch at the time," Derek adds.

"Oh you guys are doing this," JJ gives you an apologetic look as they start rattling off assumptions.

You try your best to ignore them until Derek says something which does tiptoe over the line- by a mile. "Pretty boy, what are the statistics on post breakup sex?" He is half joking but it pulls Spencer directly into a conversation he had been trying to avoid.

Spencer knows the answer, and that's obvious, but answering will only encourage them to get him involved in the conversation. But not answering is suspicious and could cause worse problems. He pushes his thumb into the centre of his palm as he speaks. "27% of adults report having sex with an ex within a two-year period," Spencer states knowing that's not what Derek meant but hoping he could get away with it.

"No, I mean rebound sex," Derek corrects.

"Studies show that thirty-five percent of those who are broken up with have sex to get over their ex, and twenty-five percent as a form of revenge," Spencer says giving in and stepping closer to the group.

"Look sixty five percent of rebound relationships fail within six months," you say. That's a safe thing to say you believe, as you know the team would likely assign that research as an attempt to make an educated guess how long the fling with the coworker would last. But Spencer knows better. He cannot help but wonder if that's what has been making you act differently the last few months. If you saw the end in sight and wondered what that means for you when it's over.

"You're not looking for a relationship though, you're just looking for some fun," JJ points out.

"You do remember how to have fun, don't you beautiful," Derek asks giving you a wink.

"Yeah," you say brushing him off.

"Do you?" Derek asks, unconvinced.

"I told you, I'm not interested in going out and getting laid, it's not worth the energy," you say.

"When was the last time you had an orgasm?" Emily asks. Spencer chokes on his coffee.

"Emily!" JJ chastises her.

"Someone had to ask," Emily says.

"No one had to," you tell her.

"Come on, six months?" Emily asks. "A year?"

"Emily," JJ warns.

"Shit..." Derek whispers and you feel his gaze on you intensifying. He has you all figured out.

"What?" Spencer asks, not meaning to.

Derek is keeping his eyes on you and you cannot meet his eye. "Tell me I'm wrong pretty girl," Derek says, wanting himself to be wrong.

"I... I don't know... You're a profiler, how am I supposed to lie to you?" You huff.

"Are you kidding me?" Derek asks.

"Derek you're not helping," you state.

"Sorry," he says, "I just don't understand how that can be the case."

"You said it yourself, some people really don't have a clue what they're doing," you say.

"So you've never?" Emily asks cottoning on.

"Can we please stop talking about this," you say.

Spencer's brain is ticking over trying to read between the lines and when it clicks he is struck with a similar dumbfounding as Morgan. How? How?

He cannot help but have one clear thought scrambling around his brain at a million miles per hour. If he had ever had the chance, he wouldn't have wanted anything more than to make sure you felt good. To know he had made you feel good.

How inconsiderate could your ex be? How little attention must he have been playing to not even notice that you were not getting what he was out of it? How had he never cared to make that better?

And why did you not feel cheated by that fact?

"I'm not eavesdropping," Garcia defends bringing Spencer out of his head and back into the room.

"Okay why don't we just fax everyone the stats on my sex life," you groan, resting your head in your hands.

"I'm just saying," Garcia tries.

"I appreciate all of the unnecessary concern," you say, "but my sex life isn't a BAU case." Emily smiles as she goes to speak but you catch her thought right before she opens her mouth. "And it's no ones problem to solve either."

"It's a little tragic," JJ confesses.

"JJ," you're surprised, JJ is normally the one you can count on to get the others back on track but she just shrugs.

"Let's leave it be, Garcia do we have a case," Spencer is talking with his hands even more than normal and you cannot help but notice. He is trying to come to your rescue and you appreciate that. You appreciate everything Spencer does.

"Maybe," Garcia explains, waving her tablet at the group. "Hotch wants us in the conference room, five minutes ago."

You're quick to get out of your seat and away from the grilling you are receiving from the team and everyone else is quick behind you. Hotch and Rossi are at the desk when you all enter.

Hotch frowns. "You took a while," he notes.

"Discussing the breakup?" Rossi asks, looking you up and down.

"I dont even want to know what has given that away," you admit taking a seat. Hotch nods a half apology which you silently shrug off in return.

You were trying your best to pay attention, giving Hotch the respect he deserves, but the case he was talking about didnt feel like it required the BAU's involvement and Emily is quick to voice that opinion. You managed to register a few words about consulting and favours, but nothing is really sinking in, not when you can feel Spencer's gaze on you as hot as a fever.

You raise your eyes to meet his and they dart away. You think back, and it occurs to you that maybe conversations about your sex life or anyone of the teams sex lives for that matter wasnt exactly what Spencer signed up for. You feel a little guilty, knowing you kind of indulged the others and let him get pulled into the conversation even if that wasnt your intention.

You catch him looking at you again but he doesnt see you looking back, it's like he is trapped in a thought, and in this moment you've never seen Spencer look so without a clue.

"Reid?" Hotch asks, repeating the question.

Spencer looks to Hotch, and he buffers. You know he knows the answer to the question, you know he always knows, but his brain seems to have frozen up on him. "I... sorry what?"

"This is statistics kid," Derek says, "are you sick or something?"

Emily gently pokes Spencers shoulder. "Maybe he is getting a software update," she jokes.

You lean forward and give Hotch the answer he is looking for, remembering from a conversation you and Spencer had a few weeks back about Ohio. Hotch gives a side eye to Rossi before continuing.

You look back at Spencer and he is watching you again, you offer him a small smile and he returns it. You've always been better at reading Spencer than most members of the team but you don't recognize this behaviour at all.

"Are you okay?" You ask him as you both make your way down the steps of the BAU.

"Of course, why do you ask?"

"You blanked back there, Spence, pretty hard," you say as gently as you can, "I havent seen you like that since..."

"Since when?" Spencer looks curious, and softer somehow.

"Since we worked that case in Illinois, with the models, you took one look at that girl Annie Grant was it, and your IQ dropped like a hundred points," you laugh gently.

"She was pretty," Spencer confesses.

"I think Morgan got her number," you recall.

"He did," Spencer agrees.

"So, what is it? Because it's not a pretty girl in lounge wear," you say.

"You dont know that for sure," you can tell he is trying to joke around the subject, and normally youd find that cute. Cute in the kind of way you havent been able to admit to yourself before. Because having a crush on a coworker is not convenient at the best of times.

"Okay, Dr Reid, keep your secrets," you give him gentle shove and his smile is disarming, soft and so happy to just be involved. "Got any fun evening plans?"

"There's this new study into cognitive dissonance in specific trauma patterns I have been meaning to read," he offers. You bite back a chuckle.

"You've got a date with science," you nod to yourself, "of course you do."

He looks around, thinking for a moment. "Are you going to walk?" He asks.

"I usually do," you admit, "it's only a few blocks after all."

"Can I," he pauses, "can I walk you?"

"You want to walk me home?" You ask, a little suprised at the offer.

"If that's okay, the study can wait," he says. There is a look in his eyes you can't quite pinpoint, somewhere between pleading and hopeful. You nod.

"I'd love that Spence."

The distance to your apartment door had never felt so short, and you hadn't realised until now quite how much you enjoyed the moments when you were with Spencer, and no one else was watching. Maybe because he paid less attention to making sure no one noticed him watching you, and he just keeps watching.

Spencer looks at his feet as you fumble with your keys, he has no idea what he is doing. He didn't think any of this through, he just kept thinking about you, and what you deserved and what you should've always been given and now he is stood at the doorstep of your place with no plan, no idea of what compelled him to think any of this was a good idea and no idea of what to do next.

You smile at him, and bite your lower lip just a small bit, the look is so demure that Spencer wonders if he imagined the entire conversation in the bullpen, wondering if maybe he was really so wrapped up in these months of conflicted feelings for you that he managed to lapse from reality so badly that he got himself here.

"Do you want to come in for coffee?" You offer and his heart damn near stops in his chest.

"Coffee is never coffee kid," Derek's voice rings in his head. "It's an invitation."

"Got decaf?" Spencer asks, and you laugh.

"Like anyone who works at the BAU knows what decaf is," you open the door wide and walk through. "You coming?"

He doesn't answer but follows you, closing the door behind him. Your apartment isn't a mess but it's clear things have been moved around since your breakup, there is clear empty spaces where things once collected dust, like so many things once filled a place and vanished. You weren't dwelling on the relationship, because there wasn't a point. You had loved and you had lost, and you knew it went like that sometimes.

"You better not be profiling me Dr Reid," you quip as you catch him looking around.

"I wouldn't dare," he says.

"So, are you going to explain why you're being so sheepish?" You ask, reaching for a mug, to actually make coffee.

"I'm being sheepish?" he asks. He had hoped he was hiding it better.

"Nervous at the very least," you say putting the kettle on. He says nothing and you sigh. "Did we make you uncomfortable earlier?"

"What?" Spencer asks, caught off guard by the question.

"Talking about my ex," you offer up. "I know that sort of gossip isn't exactly for everyone-,"

"No," he is quick to defend, "that's not what's bothering me."

You smirk and he sees the trap you laid for him that he walked right into. "So something is bothering you pretty boy," Morgan's nickname for him falls from your lips and it sounds so different. It burns every nerve ending, each fibre of his being and he forgets how to speak for a moment too long. "Spence?"

"I," he brings himself back.

"I don't mean to pry, you don't have to tell me anything," you explain quickly.

"How was your ex such an idiot?" he asks outright. You laugh, it's short and shallow because you're not expecting anything close to that from Spencer.

"What?" It's your turn to feel dumb now as you spiral trying to process what Spencer is suggesting. That the conversation had gotten to him, but not in the way you'd thought. His problem hadn't been with the topic but the content, the confession. The kettle brings itself to a boil but you're interest is elsewhere now.

"I don't mean to speak out of place here, but if I were him there are so many things I would've done differently," he fidgets with his tie but doesn't stop. This confession is coming out now or not at all and he wants it finished. He needs it finished. He does not want blurred lines. Not between the two of you. "Not even touching the subject of how your relationship ended. I wouldn't have left you in the rain last October, I wouldn't have held all the things I knew about you when we met as reasons to run years after I agreed to love you regardless. I wouldn't have let you go to work angry all those times. I wouldn't have lied about plans. I wouldn't have let you go to sleep sad or angry, and be gone in the morning. I wouldn't have left you wanting, for anything. Because if I was him I would understand what a beautiful rarity it is to find someone who does what you do, with your compassion and determination and dedication and is still kind, still hopeful, even when things are dark. There are not a lot of things I don't know much about, and maybe relationships, and romance and sex are in that limited list, and maybe he would argue that hypotheticals hold no ground when your experience is as limited as mine, but I frankly don't care what his opinion would be. Because he didn't see you for what you are and that means his thoughts are of no value to me. I don't tell you this because I am expecting you to say anything, it's just burning me up that you weren't treated, hell worshiped, in the way you deserved and I had to tell you that I can't think of anything more wrong." He steps back and you're still catching your breath. "I, I am sorry I shouldn't have... I will see you at work."

He turns and strides to the door, and your breath heaves in and out of your chest and you wonder if you can find your voice before his hand finds purchase on your doors lock. "Spencer," you breathe out. He pauses, hand hovering over the door handle.

"Yes?" his voice is so quiet, and he doesn't turn to look at you.

"Please don't leave," the request falls from your lips and Spencer has never felt more of a need to do something than to do anything you ask of him in this moment. But his doubt still hangs gently in the space between the two of you.

"What?" he asks again, searching in the word to find something to hold onto, looking for some guidance or instructions he missed. He didn't have a plan, and he doesn't know what to do with this.

"Please," you say again, voice sturdier now as you start to close the distance between the two of you, "Spence," his breath hitches as you place a hand gently on his shoulder, encouraging him to turn back to you, and he does, "don't leave."

His eyes stare into yours and you swear you feel all the months of unsaid things, of quiet wanting, of stolen thoughts in weak moments, bursting at the seams. You had told yourself in another world, another life time, had you met Spencer Reid and the timing had been different, if you had been different, he would've been everything. You told yourself from that first day that those brown eyes may plead into you with every moment you meet them but it was never going to be the right time.

His eyes stare into yours and he feels the weight of all the things he long tired to bury, crawling their way up from the depths and pushing against his skin, desperate to get out. Desperate to be known. Desperate to correct the wrongs and do right by you. Desperate.

His hand hovers touch's length away, scared to close the distance, scared to make the move, to change everything. You both know in this moment, that all it takes is one touch and you're going over the cliff.

This is a road you do not turn back from.

You whisper one last time, like a prayer, "Spence," and in a blink gravity turns back on, and everything blooms in bright technicolour.

It unfolds in a rush, his hand to your waist, pulling you that much closer, both of your hands gripping to the fabric of his shirt as he pulls you up to him, other hand moving gently under your chin to guide the tilt of your head. His lips crash onto yours and there's a hunger you've never seen in him, and a hunger you've never known inside yourself.

There's a gentleness, a caution in his desperation, in his need, one that you don't have in your own. He keeps kissing you and you back up, footing not very careful as you tighten your grip on his shirt. Your back finds support against the edge of your counter and you find yourself letting on of the hands slip from the fabric of his button down to tug at his tie, to keep him closer at first, and then in an attempt to remove it entirely.

He pulls back for a moment, not to catch breath as either of you would be happy to drown in this moment, but his eyes are scanning you, like he is looking for something else, something missing.

You pause, slowly tugging the tie from his collar and letting it fall to your floor. "Spencer?" you ask.

He looks lost as he breathes in. "I don't know what I am doing," he says.

"You're doing great is what you're doing," you say, not looking away.

"Is this okay?" he finally asks. Your heart starts running away from you as you try to remember to breathe.

"This is more than okay," you assure him, "please Spencer, don't stop kissing me."

That's all he needs to hear and his lips are back on yours and the kisses are feverish and starved and he presses his hands into your hips and the gentle moan that leaves your lips sends Spencer's mind spinning.

He pulls his lips from yours and starts kissing a trail down to your neck, you lean more into the support of the counter top and let a hand find it's way into a tangle of his brown hair.

His tongue against your skin, the gentle brush of teeth on that spot that makes the sound from before seem like a draft of a masterpiece. Spencer knows that now he has heard you, voice like honey, moan trembling from your lips, nails dug into his scalp gently tugging on his hair, barely able to keep your eyes open yet again your breathing steady, no sound will ever compare.

In the the times he had let himself think about you, imagine all the things, let his fantasies and dreams run away with him, he had never come close to this moment. How your fingers shake as you start to unbutton his shirt, needing to do something, needing something.

Needing him.

And you can feel his need in return, in the way he holds onto you, on the way he is listening to your body, hearing every response, feeling every movement, determined to do this right.

He feels the way you press your tights together, tight against the counter, the need for something more radiating off of you, and you don't give time for the doubt to creep in. "We should," you breathe out as you feel the blood rushing through you, knowing that there will be marks from where he is kissing you that you won't be able to hide tomorrow, not that you want to, "move this to the bedroom."

"Is now a bad time to point out that I have mostly just a conceptual understanding of what we are about to do?" Spencer asks between kisses.

"I think you're worrying too much, because if you're basing this on theory," you take his hand leading him towards your room, "so far you're giving nothing but hard evidence."

You let your own innuendo slide as you both fall back onto your bed, he looks down as he leans over you, and there's a softness, a patience in this moment, as he needs to soak it all in.

You reach up and continue to undo the buttons on his shirt until they are completely undone, and he watches you as you do, you give the fabric a gentle tug and he catches on, slipping the rest of the shirt and the jacket off and letting it fall back somewhere out of mind. You trace a hand gently up his arm and he leans down to kiss you again, your lips, your jaw, your neck.

He runs a thumb over the deep red mark he has left and you feel the fever rising again. You need out of these clothes, you need more.

You start to undo your own shirt buttons and as each button comes undone Spencer follows the trail of exposed skin and leaves hot kisses on each new place.

You can feel the hard outline of his cock against your thigh as you reach to unzip the side of your skirt. The nervousness is still fluttering in Spencer's face as he helps you slip out of it. His fingertips brushing over exposed skin, his hand creeping up the inside of your thigh and you buck up gently at the touch.

His lips trace kisses up your torso to your chest and like this, each kiss so intoxicating, each touch so electrifying, his hand inching further and further up your thigh, as his lips dance over the skin around the fabric of your bra there is nothing he could ask of you that you would not do.

Sex may never have been perfect before, but you'd always thought it was at least decent, passing, respectable. But this build up with Spencer, his hands on your skin, his lips leaving evidence on your body that he has been here, this was more than you'd ever felt. And he hadn't even really touched you yet.

You reach to undo his trousers, eager to get him in less clothing but he pulls back, out of your reach. "Not yet," he whispers against your skin, "you start doing that and this will be over way too soon." He brings his lips to yours again, stealing a deep kiss as he unclasps your bra. "And this is about you, all about you," he is mumbling again, almost incoherent against you. He is determined, his mind is focused on you and your pleasure and what you deserve.

You don't think you've ever wanted anything as much as you want this.

His thumb brushes against the your clothed skin, and sparks shoot through your body, nails digging into his shoulder as you gasp at the contact.

He nudges closer, his forehead pressed to yours, and you look at him. Spencer, your colleague, your friend. Spencer who never forgets your coffee order. Spencer who stayed all night to help with paperwork because you lost a bet. Spencer who has accompanied you to every movie you've ever asked him to. Spencer who bought an extra ticket to every convention just in case you would want to come.

"Please," you plead, like you need to, as if it was possible that he wouldn't do anything for you in this moment. As if you even needed to ask.

He kisses you, pulling you up and towards him, breathing you in as his hand finds its way between the elastic of your underwear and your skin.

Your nerves are as quick to respond to his touch as fire to a accelerant. Every movement makes you wonder if Spencer was given some map of your body that you didn't know existed, a guide to movement and pressure and timing that couldn't be more perfect.

You are nodding at his movements, keening at every increase of pace, every finger curl, every swipe of his thumb. Your body shuddering in anticipation and a pleasure you never knew courses through you.

Spencer is leaving compliments with every kiss across your body, so eager to please, so desperate to worship. When he hits the spot, your body gives you away at alarming speed, you buck, moving your arms to prop yourself up on elbows, leaning into him, into the movements, rutting against him. "Fuck," you manage in the haze.

Spencer responds to this approval with dedication and vigour and then you feel it, that hot white coil of pleasure pulling at you, like a tight chord. "Shit," you start breathing heavier, faster, "shit, shit."

"You're so incredibly beautiful," you hear Spencer whisper. You can't keep your eyes open as your knees begin to shake.

"Spencer," you whimper, not for any reason but to say his name. The need to say his name over and over, and over as the chord pulls tight and finally snaps.

The pleasure explodes through you, every nerve tingling, like fireworks cascading through you. You shake, riding the high through and fall back onto the bed, slumped with a laboured breath.

Spencer moves back up to be level with you, gently brushes some stray hairs from your face and he smiles down at you. "That is what it's supposed to feel like?" You ask.

If this was all he could have for the rest of his life, Spencer would be a happy man. He plants a kiss on your forehead, and that look of devotion has not left his eyes.

But he has been filled with a new sense of purpose, like he was made for this. For you.

He doesn't have time to debate internally if your ex was purely just that poor at what he did or if it feeling so easy, coming so naturally to him was something else entirely. He didn't really care which it was, maybe both. Right now all he cared about was making up for lost time, lost opportunities, all your disappointment.

He kisses you again and the force of it is more knowing, more sure, it's hot and messy and every moment it feels like you need to be closer, deeper, more entwined. The whole time he keeps his hand in your underwear, thumb running in soft, intensely accurate circles as his fingers do most of the work.

It crosses your mind that maybe it should be almost embarrassing that he is making it so easy. It should be embarrassing that Spencer barely needed any time to bring that second orgasm to precipice. It should be embarrassing that you're convinced this man could make you come by the way he kisses you alone, but you're not embarrassed. Not because you've never felt the pleasure like this before, not because you think pleasure it never something to be embarrassed about and not because after everything you deserve this. But because it's Spencer Reid, and everything with him has always felt like it is exactly as it should be, and him making you feel this way, is no exception.

He holds you in the kiss as your second orgasm pulses through you, just as intense as the first one, he feels you shake as it floods you. A moan escaping into the kiss, from your mouth to his and he groans against your lips.

He is so focused on you that he isn't paying any attention to how this is effecting him, how hard he is against you. How desperate he is for you. His need for your pleasure overtaking any need of his own.

You know if left to his own devices Spencer would stay as the two of you are, skin pressed to skin, lips on yours, trying to write years worth of wrongs in one night. But you do not want to give into exhaustion before you have let him ruin your expectations in all the ways you know.

He moves from your lips to your neck and before you can process much of his plans you feel the kisses trailing your hipbone, and with the third orgasm approaching you can see where his mind has wondered to. You lean forward, gasping in pleasure, but determined to get his attention, you place a hand on the side of his face, tilting up his chin to meet your eyes. "Wait," is all you manage to moan out before the pleasure tears into you, your head falls back and you grab a fistful of sheet, trying to keep yourself up through the pleasure.

Spencer does as you ask and waits until you manage to gather your words, eyes on you. "Please," you try. He runs his eyes over your body trying to understand your request.

You reach down, pulling once again at the edge of his trousers, fumbling to undo them, to get him out of them. You've never known Spencer to be so slow to catch on, but he is practically drunk on you.

"Oh," he manages. "Oh."

Before he can start to explain all the reasons he doesn't think that's important right now you look up at him with those eyes so pleading. "Please," you whisper again.

And he is putty in your hand, happy to do anything you ask of him, he nods and you finish undoing his trousers and push them down, he finishes discarding them.

Now it's your fingertips against his skin and he holds his breath as you move for his boxers. "Is this okay?" you ask quietly.

"You're everything I have ever wanted," the honey leaves his lips and you kiss him, his lips focused on you as you help him out of his boxers and pull him down and close.

"I need you," you whisper. "Right now, I need you."

"I am yours," he responds.

You keep your fingers threaded in his hair, and you tug a little harder as you become overwhelmed with him. "Fuck," Spencer's voice shudders in pleasure and you understand his desperation to please you instantly, because you want nothing more than to give him everything.

Everything becomes a mixture of moans and names, lips pressed to skin, and fabric scrunched with every thrust. You kiss Spencer's neck, finding his sweet spot with a similar precision to which he found yours. Leaving a collection of marks on his neck before her buries his face into yours, repeating your name over and over, becoming more and more wanting. His neediness matching your own and as he digs his fingers into your hips that now familiar feeling starts to rush you.

"Spencer, I am going to cum again," you whisper. Spencer cannot form words, he just keeps kissing, sucking, digging at your skin, even now he isn't close enough to you. "Fuck!" You scream out and the pleasure of your orgasm is almost too much for Spencer.

"Fuck, I," Spencer's brain is doing flips trying to figure out what to do, what he is supposed to do. "I am going to."

"Please," you beg in his ear.

"I should, I haven't," he is trying to piece the words together but they're not coming. You know what is trying to say, what is cannot find the words to ask.

"Please stay with me," you say, nudging his nose with your own, "please."

Your gentle request is his breaking point and he crashes his lips back onto yours as his own orgasm comes to fruition.

He collapses down next to you, both catching your breath. "Fuck," you repeat, for what might be the millionth time, as you long lost count.

You cannot help it, you let out a little laugh and Spencer glances at you, a smile breaking out on his face. "For the record, I hadn't planned that," he says.

"For the record, I really planned on drinking my coffee."

"I can make you a coffee," Spencer offers, turning to his side.

"We should, get cleaned up first," you smile.

"Then coffee?"

"Then coffee."

[frzerburn]

Hello. First off I am here to say you can’t be given me life updates then fall off the face of the earth! I need to know what happens next, we drinking more coffee? We fighting off bitches? We out here dancing? 😂

Anyways, I hope you are well friend. I like hearing all the things and hopefully this makes you laugh a little. 😊

This is coco and she makes the best faces when she wakes up from naps 😂

🤣….Im Sawwy!

Almost got into a fight that i was trying to stop the other night with my barguest. I really want sum fucking coffee damn it!!!! I dont connect well with others so lets say im staving off bitches 😊. Also i dance behind the bar every night and i personally think its fucking amaze ballz! Btw u made my fucking night last night when i saw you wrote me literally made me smile cause tbh i dont genuinely think anyone cares about my life much at all,which is fine but this actually had me leaving my phone open in the service well lasg night with a thoughtful smile on my face. Hmmmmmm lets see…its 5:55am and i still haven’t gone to sleep since closing my bar at 1am. Ive been binge watching the office for the past week and a half for the 5th time now cause why nottttt mental health 😋. I met literally the sweetest couple and they love me and i think theyre the greatest and unfortunately theyre moving to Michigan so theres that but they’ve come to see me at my bar twice now and plan to come see me more before they leave. My hair has been looking very different and pretty dope and i love it because it helps my mental health. Ive been thoroughly enjoying a game on xbox with my best friend which i will say is the best game ive ever played! Busy football season is upon us and i need the money and very excited for the busy work seeing as im super hyper active! My jeep (Zoey) has been treating me right so were good there. Ive been posting alot about Border Collies because i really want a super active dog to run everyday with & they’re beautiful 😍. My Aunt Lily sent me $100 for gas last night and that was such a random surprise 😊💛. Oh ! Dare i say fall is upon us?!?!? 🍂 🍁 🍃

September & December both have Friday 13ths so im gonna get lots of piercings because those are my favorite holidays! Ive been deeping alot of awesome music like Jaded by Fordo , Lost souls Baby Keem ,Like we wrote LITHE & i just loving listening to anything EDEN! Like i absolutely have been listening to Zzz ALOT! Hmmmmm i havent read in a week now just cause my Adhd gets the best of me and i cant focus but thats life. Coco is fucking adorable!!!!!!!!! What a fucking cutie!

Thanks for being the best , friend and i hope you’re out here doing your best and if you’re not i wanna hear about it all! Seriously im glad u reached out to me! Means literally more than i can put into words! I have so much more to talk about but i wrote a fucking book bwahahahahaha! You’re so very welcome!

💛🍂🍃🍁

[thelarsvolta96]

post about life lately

this is gonna be a long one so buckle up i guess. just wanted to explain why ive been gone and rarely active lately.

so ive been in and out of the ER lately, my most recent stay being 5 days long, because ive been having severe digestion issues and pain to the point where i couldnt eat or drink anything because it would just come right back up. my mental health has been down the fuckin drain lately as well. and i have no funds or health insurance to get help with any of this. thankfully before my ER visit i scheduled a mental health visit for tomorrow, which i totally forgot about until they emailed me asking for paperwork. but my follow up for my physical health isnt until october 3rd, and thats just to establish care, i doubt ill get any answers there. in the meantime ive lost 20 lbs without meaning to or trying, just because i cant eat very much at all. im somewhat convinced that i cant eat beef or gluten at all, and any time i eat a leafy veggie or something like broccoli that causes me intense pain and discomfort as well. but i dont know. i need to get allergy testing done and whatever other testing they can do on me. they did an upper endoscopy on me at the hospital and said i had "minor gastritis" which is ridiculous because of course its gonna look minor when i havent eaten in a week. i havent even been aggravating it. i dont know what to do. for now im eating what little i can and conserving my energy. im just so lost. not to mention my mental health just constantly spiraling, im sure in part due to me not getting the nutrients i need and also because i just feel so sick constantly.

the drs at the ER kept saying they think its cannabinoid hyperemesis, which i think is pretty bullshit, but they say the symptoms can last up to 6 months after ur last use. so i guess im gonna be off the weed until the end of march to see if thats really whats causing all of this. im hoping ill get a different diagnosis from the drs im able to see, but i dont know if i will. i just have to play it safe. unfortunately, the weed was like the single best helper for my physical pain from just existing as well as for eating food, so my appetite is basically nonexistent at this point as it has been for well over a decade now, only now i have no way to stimulate it. so now im in constant pain, constantly tired, constantly feeling sick. its hell.

anyway, im trying to keep a list of trigger foods, and so far its been any beef, and ive had a hard time with saltine crackers and pretzels. ive eaten chicken and rice alright, i was even bad and ate some french fries with sauce the other day and that was ok. hence my thinking that gluten might be fucking with me. but i have no idea. im just so distraught. i want answers. i need to be able to live my life.

i guess thats pretty much everything. hopefully i wont disappear for a large length of time again. sorry everybody

[ferrn0]

REGARDING POSTING

heads up / TW: this looks at personal stuff + vent(? sorta) ALSO this is not super important / not essential for you to read

TL;DR:

less posting due to massive lack of motivation

want to post more and take art serious but its hard

could be depression or hormones idk dont know what to do

overthinking lots -> dont know why this is happening

crave regular change but havent had it + difficult to get change bc of parents -> maybe this is why??

going to try my best not to stress abt it

do not worry about me, im going to be okay

i havent been posting much proper/ finished/ full art ( not sketches ) because ive been really struggling with motivation this year. For all i know, it could be a depression(?) thing or perhaps hormones ( i have a uterus unfortunately) or maybe it just comes down to ADHD.. i do take medication for adhd but they dont really do much regarding dopamine so my motivation is still kinda low even when i take the meds. I really want to be posting proper art and i want to take my art more seriously however, without motivation its really difficult. Im finding myslef slipping back into what feels like a depressive mindset. kind of. yet, im super happy in so many aspects of my life where i used to be affected by this mindset. I have found a better group of people to be around ive found more things i want to do and ive got goals for the year- i didnt have those this time last year. And now.. my creativity has been affected and i dont know what to do.

-

I feel guilty for not posting. Or maybe i feel frustrated that i dont post (which leaves me with noone seeing my work). Either way, i want to post. but i cant get myself to.

this leaves me thinking...

"maybe i just need to improve my skills"

"maybe im not putting enpugh effort in, what if im just not 'trust(ing) the process' enough"

"i might need to just try a new medium"

"maybe i need a new intrest or fandom to join so i can make fanart"

"what if i was just qrong my whole life and im not cut out to be an artist?"

"perhaps theres something else wrong with me and thats why i cant get myself to do things"

And this circles round and round. So what do i do about it?? should i just take a break and not focus on posting? but i already do that anyway! do i just try to do a month long or a week long challenge? but i always miss days and eventually give up!

The more i write about this the more i realise i am not okay. and that im getting worked up over a small thing. but i am miniscule and to me this small thing is ginormous.

-

i am a kind of person who craves change. but only when i want it. And i have gone a very long time without the kind of change i need in my immediate environment. so maybe thats the issue. but i happen to be a child. who lives with his parents. so that causes some problems, dont it? not that my parents are horrible people or incredibly unfair. but because they have their own ideas of how we (me and my brothers) should grow up and what sort of privileges we get ect. because they are my parents. My parents believe that we should each have atleast one physical out-of-school activity we do each week. I do basketball. and i have been since i was in grade 5. its been almost 5 years. dont get me wrong, i love the game and i love playing it. but i find myself dreading going to each game everyweek. i need change. i want to quit bball. i also do drama classes each week(since yr 6/7)- but i like that. and i dont want to quit. because its different every week, every year. My bedroom has also been that same for the past 3 or so years, yes i have moved things around, but the furniture hasnt changed, and the walls have been the same colour with the same wall stickers since we moved in when i was in year 1. I spend a lot of time in here(my room) and it doesnt feel like mine anymore.

-

TW- eating

my medication for ADHD gives me a smaller to no appetite during the day. I no longer bring much or anything to school to eat. i dont really eat breakfast either(but i did that before i got meds anyway). I still eat dinner everyday, just a little less that i used to. and i will eat lunch (depending on situation) during the holidays and weekends mostly because it ends up getting made dor me half the time. i do suspect the rather sudden change un my eating habbits might be affecting me. but nothing terrible has happened to me yet(i have lost a few kgs but that isnt worrying as i was a little overweight beforehand). perhaps this is affecting my motivation too. but who i am to know for sure?.

END OF TW

-

i think i will just continue as i have been. but i will try my best to not worry myself over not posting. although i cannot make any garantees. not many people follow or interact with me here so i doubt this will cause too many concerns but if it does, please do not worry. i will be okay. i am working on myself.

I apologise to those who want/wanted to see my work more/more often. i hope this all makes sense and that you can understand ♡

with sillies,

thomas[FERRN0]

[qpr-competition]

MENTAL ILLNESS ACTIVATED

this is going to contain spoilers for Entropic Float. i highly recommend you play it - its free on steam and itch! the entire cast is queer! its about timeloops and the mortifying ordeal of being known, heavily centering on finding out who the characters are! i can repeat these three sentences in my sleep because thats my most basic sales pitch that i give because theres not much else i can say without going into spoiler territory (because im not very good at it)

alrighty so, Kanatsune Ame.

funnily enough, youre right for almost definitely the wrong reasons to call him Ame - Kanatsune is his first name, but because his codename is Kanatsun, and because he is an orphan and has no other family, his last name, Ame, is the one that is more personal to him.

this guy is so deeply out of touch with himself it hurts.

in Entropic Float, in order to get to the true ending, you first have eighteen normal endings to get through - nine routes, each with a No Entropy ending and Entropy ending. for each of the protagonists, there are three routes - morning, noon, and night. (its also coded so that the first four endings you get are tied to your system time. after youve completed four endings, youre free to choose the time slot. how cool is that???)

in each loop, the people present are different.

when you play as Amelie Macon, Ame is present as another person in the loop. he is fairly cool - save for an occasional moment of "if i were to try solving a kitchen puzzle, the rest of you would soon be running in fear from a fire" or "i will not go anywhere near the bug (except for when i hear people near the bug talking about Anomalies, which are my area of expertise)", some things he does are "save Loam and Amelie from Entropy sludge but die in it himself with a horrific scream" and "kill Amelie to make sure she isnt the cause of the Anomaly while also delivering a line that makes me completely feral"

when you play as Rashmi Jamil, two times out of three Ame is present as Rashmi's Floater (the third time hes just absent, i wonder why (i know exactly why)) - he remembers all the loops that havent been lost to Entropy, but cant give clear information. this has been my first impression of him, and while i didnt think "is he like, the spirit of the Anomaly" exactly, that was basically the way i felt. he tells you how bad the Entropy levels are, and can say things that are common across loops - one example being "this is one of the more accurate ways Stephanie describes her powers when she comes clean about them".

when you play as Ame, you get access to his thoughts.

he clarifies his own thoughts arent sarcastic

mister hero complex you literally went into your field to Help People. perhaps initially more in the abstract but also how cant you see that you care

point is, on Ame's routes, it becomes crystal clear how much of a wet paper towel he is. like, when Rashmi dances for him because the loop doesnt matter anymore and theyd like to relax about it, he says to their face that "its so sad that i dont really have the eye for the true awe of art anymore" while not taking his eyes off them. also sir you literally spend your free time going to whatever performances you can get tickets for. he calls himself heartless, but when you get to see his memories, a persistent theme in them is "it hurts".

but heres the part that made me attach to him like a baby duckling.

if you know my main, you may notice that this is the phrase that is in my blog title

this fucking guy is how i found out i was physically disabled. i was losing my mind for like a week. i already liked him a lot, but that shot him up to the number one spot in a "if he not like me fr then why is the scene of him finding out hes disabled is how i found out im disabled"

god. he makes me so mentally ill. i want to shake him by the shoulders

hi I wanna talk about my blorbos. for poll reasons only of course

bonus bracket official first round comes out tomorrow and as I selected the flowers polycule (yohanallumi? do they even have a ship name? am I paving the way here?) as my Shaman King Blorbo Of Choice they are the ones who get today's infodump

these three are from the mainline sequel series, shaman king flowers, and because takei copied his own homework with flowers they're basically supposed to be analogs to these three

yohane (top left) is the emo twink rival with a cool older sister and daddy issues, allumi (top right) is the snappy badass arranged fiancée, and hana (bottom centre) is the protagonist. he has none of his father's chill and is a little bastard so I can't say he's anything like yoh

these parallels are so funny to me because flowers began serialization in 2012. over ten years after the original manga started. takei knew he had to know what he'd created with yoh and ren and he somehow? doubled down? like this is a completely real, unedited (except for any errors in fan translation) page from flowers

yohane is literally just a bl protagonist stuck in a shonen battle world and I Do Not Know why takei wrote him like that. and then allumi is just anna but more reality tv and I love her so much she's so deviantartcoded. asakura hana and the bad bitches he pulled by being the Worst.

I've literally heard allumi described as "someone's fan oc who wound up in canon" and they meant it as a negative thing. wrong she is wonderful

I just love these three so much they're my kids. flowers should have just been them hanging out at the mall for 38 chapters like fuck the plot.

[beetleboo]

long post. one i’ve been trying to make for a while now. hell, i wrote this like... third week of may. didn’t post it until now because i didn’t know if I wanted to.

but something i want to lay out, been wanting to lay out for months. dont want to talk to anyone about it, just want to put the info out there for it to be seen.

if you re/blog this i will block you. i may put this on the relevant sideblog at some point.

because 2020 was the worst year on record for me for a number of reasons, and it’s torn me down to the lowest point i’ve been in a long time, and this is just. everything that’s gone down. not a callout post, no one gets named, but these are all the events

partially in relation to my fandom sideblog, because that’s where i had community, and where it’s all just. gone. doesnt exist anymore.

i started up a server, ages ago now. somewhere i curated to be a positive and safe space for things, and for a while, it was that.

around the end of 2019, spilling over to the start of 2020 when it picked up, i found, both on my blog and in discord spaces, in particular the server i ran, that people no longer talked to me. no one would hold a conversation with me past a few basic responses, no one replied to anything i shared, no one engaged when i tried to start discussions. so i pulled back from the main server - S1. thought it was just a lull in activity. stayed that way for weeks, months, and I just muted the server. no one ever cared about anything i had to say. was lucky if anything i posted got even a token emoji react

was in another, smaller server - S2. people i talked to damn near every day, even in voice. played games together - that became... no fun simply because everyone else was so much better/further ahead in the game. i was completely useless, so didn’t server a function in game and never really felt like anyone actively wanted me around, but i still participated in chat.

but again, no one ever responded to anything I posted beyond maybe a token react

couple people discussing something one day. I contributed with Theory A, and quite immediately got that shut down. few minutes later, they rephrased exactly what I said and happily nattered away. so whatever I said wasn’t worth it when it came out of my mouth but if they talked about it, it was all well and valid. so again, between that specific experience and no one interacting with me, nor anything I post. server muted. treatment taught me no one cared about my presence there.

gave admin rights to S1, my server, to someone I trusted. two requests only: dont delete channels and let me know if you want to invite anyone (since I kept it private)

RYE (i’m just assigning random three letter names to people to keep this straight) posted public invites several times. never asked me. one of the two things i asked. brought it up with them that it bothered me, just got vague noncomittal responses. more public invites. eventually, after having the server muted for months, i handed over full control and left. that was almost a full year ago. none of the people have talked to me in that entire year, through discord or here or anything.

except RYE who sent me a message after a couple months like ‘wow i havent heard from you in a while hope you’re doing ok’. i wasn’t. after a bit but still the same day, i said as much. that i wasn’t doing well. they never responded. and i don’t mean like, they didn’t respond that day. i mean i literally never heard from them until months later when they sent me a meme and also didn’t respond to me commenting on that meme.

and this is one side of things. all of the above was the first half of the year. this next bit happened about. march2020? I was in another server - S3. another place that was a good space at the time. was in voice chat with two other people. started talking about one thing. MIN very suddenly said something along the lines of ‘i don’t care about this i’ll come back when you’re done’

this is one of the very few things that can trigger me - i’ve had a lot of people talk down to me if I dare look excited about anything. when they came back, i asked if they could try to just. depart conversations more softly. MIN always said ‘if i do anything hurtful to you just tell me! i dont want to do that kind of thing!’

this was clearly a lie as they exploded on me, telling me they always have to walk on eggshells around me, that I ask so many things from them. before what I asked them that day, I can only recall one other thing i asked (which was not to talk about a person who was abusive towards me, and they were like ‘yea sure np’ about that, over a year prior’)

the whole thing turned into basically me having to shut down the fact that i was hurt by what they did, had to ignore that now and i had to fawn and placate them and the only thing i got out of that was that my feelings were irrelevant, only theirs.

(incidentally, I have had two other people turn on me in similar ways, accusing me of doing shifty/bad/terrible things, and not being willing to tell me what they are when I ask, only saying that ‘i should know what i did’ so that’s also now a Fun New Bit Of Trauma.)

and that entire weeklong event lead me straight to a breakdown. literal genuine breakdown i cannot convey how devastating that entire scenario was without going into far too many details.

so between all of these things happening in less than six months, with three different community spaces folding and collapsing and fading away from me, with many of the friends i thought i had just. moving on to other things and dropping me. people i talked to every day just not bothering with me anymore. they all have gone on to other stuff and no one ever went ‘hey beets wanna see what i’m up to’ or ‘wanna do this thing with me’

a handful of instances of me saying ‘yeah i’m dealing with these fears that have been reinforced lately that people aren’t safe to deal with, even thought part of me knows they’re probably irrational it feels like i have evidence to back it up’ and people immediately take it personally like i’m saying they’re not safe. despite. me outright saying. i know logically it should be irrational. but their reactions just reinforce it so it’s just a loop and tells me, again, never to bring up any of my problems with anyone.

so this all just reinforces that there’s something wrong with me. couple years back i spoke to a friend and how i was frustrated that I seemed to end up in bad spaces and they said ‘well you’re the one thing in common so its probably your fault’ and obviously they’re not my friend anymore but that has affected me so deeply. i can’t do anything without overthinking, whenever anything goes wrong i tear apart everything i’ve done and everything i’ve said or thought and i don’t know why things keep going bad. i try so hard but i’m just. not right.

so it all teaches me that there’s no point in reaching out in trying to talk to people because if i say ‘hey this hurt me’ i get ignored at best or torn down, yelled at, scolded. no point in trying to talk to new people because everyone just walks away at some point. not even a natural drift apart, i can handle that. but just very suddenly, they’re gone, off with better people doing better things.

roundabout, ties back to ‘consumption versus community’ - this is why i’ve been struggling so hard with lack of engagement on my sideblog. lucky to get a dozen notes on anything i make, unless it’s something other people can use (like mods) and even THEN it’s rare to see much activity. and that was FINE because i had people to talk to elsewhere, who would ask questions and we could back and forth and i shared my stuff and they shared those and it didnt matter if my posts only got a dozen notes because i had friends to talk to.

now i get (example) seven notes, six of which are likes and one is a reblog with no commentary. when i have something with a ton of notes, still, minimal commentary, no one talks to me. even on a mod with five hundred notes it just feels like i went ‘hey i made something :)’ and everyone picked it up and walked away with it, no one went ‘hey this is cool i want to talk to the person who made it.’

and it just feels like 95% of the time, i’m just overlooked. 

and it’s worse than it’s ever been in my entire life, and I wonder, what’s the point of any of this anymore.

why bother to make the posts to share when it all just gets passed by. what’s the point in trying to reach out to new people and make friends when i get lashed out at or left behind? the social is gone out of my social media. i had community, and now it’s gone.

so this has all been going on for months and months and months and hey! suffering. and i dont expect it to get any better, don’t expect this post to fix these issues, but i’ve been trying to say something about all of this for fucking months and i think just, laying it all out is all I can do about it. i’m sure i’ve forgotten some things to touch on but as it is, all these events, all of it happening all together. new traumas, old traumas reawoken, reinforced, i’ve been torn to pieces i don’t know how to function, i can’t remember the last time i felt like even half a real person. taught that the safe, positive spaces that meant so much to me don’t actually exist and they’ll all turn on me and be torn away. nowhere is safe anymore, and trying to make it safe is just going to ruin me again.

people aren’t safe, places aren’t safe, been proven to me time and time again so i just. stay away.

no matter how much i try to fight that, it just doesnt work.

anyway tl;dr beets needs therapy probably

[quirklessidiot]

aoba johsai’s sport’s journalist (h/c’s)

just crack+ fluff + platonic-ish relationship (gn!y/n) (w: language!) a/n: this has been bugging me for awhile now since i havent seen headcanons of this yet (if their are do send them on my ask box) and since im on a slump, i decided to write this down. this is completely fun, easy-going, and self-indulgent, really perfect for someone stuck on a slump ksks. idk if i should make some for the other schools but oh welp enjoy! happy 900 btw werkwerk uwu so weird to reach this when im not even very active.

Now let’s be honest here, it’s no surprise that the volleyball team of aoba johsai has their own sports journalist. Like, c’mon, they’re one of the best in the prefecture.

But let’s start with the basics here, shall we? Let’s start with you, how this all goes through, and how you got into this heaping pile of mess.

Yep, you.

There you were in high hopes to get into journalism for college so what better way was it than to apply for the school paper? It would definitely look good and pretty in those college applications *chef’s kiss* you’re a second year btw idk if that matters but yeah..

Much to your surprise no one was applying for the news section which was kind of sad since you wanted a buddy there.

but-but it turns out though everyone was applying for the sports section completely understandable, next to feature, it was the most exciting thing to write because there was going to be a special section and writer for the volleyball team.

You knew that volleyball was kind of a big thing around your school?? you just didn’t expect it to amass like that much people.

The editor in chief is obviously surprised, you were the first person on that day to come in there and actually apply for something else.

and guess where that led you to?

Yep, the sport’s section, specifically the volleyball team’s personal sports journalist. Your brain goes brrt brrt because you were not a sports writer at all and you were, ironically, scared of ball games.

VOLLEYBALL WAS COMPLETELY NEW TERRITORY FOR YOU.

Your editor in chief laughs it off and says, “you’ll do fine… its like news bUT SPORTS! IT’LL DEFINITELY LOOK GOOD IN YOUR APPLICATIONS!”

You’re not sure if you should be terrified or terrified?

It doesn’t help that on the first day when you enter the gym you look terribly constipated and panicking a lot because of all the stray balls being spiked and tossed around.

It also didn’t help that you crash course the terminologies and the member’s name a night before and you were just running on iced coffee that day.

Yeah, way to make a first impression, huh?

When you approach the coach, you’re not exactly sure what to say and you were this close to chickening out until you saw one of the players come up to you and ask if you were alright and if you wanted to talk to oikawa.

you’re loading for a second there.

and the poor guy who asks you if you were alright, starts looking actually worried because you weren’t responding at all.

“OH, oH IS THAT THE CAPTAIN?”

the guy literally looks very confused?? because what kind of rock were you living under that you didn’t know Oikawa???

so you go ahead and introduce yourself and say that your name was Y/N and you were the new sports journalist for the team.

“....soooo you write?”

“...”

at this point on, you’re also confused too

and idk man, first impressions do indeed last because you ended up (unknowingly) sharing the same brain cell with Matsukawa Issei.

you both were just confused there, straight up looking like two kids who got left behind by their mom in the grocery check-out line.

anyways...

He tells you the team’s pretty chill and you should stop looking like they spiked a ball on your puppy or something.

Basically introduces you to the whole team after, 

no questions asked, just go with the flow.

You basically just click and vibe???

Not only because you crash coursed and related to whatever they said, 

you literally all shared the same brain cell together.

Kentaro was another story though, kid basically hated your guts at first, it felt like if you were to say one sentence to him that day, he’d literally spike a ball at your direction.

“we’re basically the same year tho :(” -Y/N

“lmao well do i’ve got news for you, y/n-chan.” - Oikawa and basically everyone on the team.

you gradually start to understand the coolness of the sport since you had to incorporate visiting them once or twice a week during practice.

but suddenly it becomes almost a daily routine after a month because they’re just really friendly people??

like wow, they’re all friendly giants.

You’re literally just there to write about them but they’re really patient and kind, they even invite you to practice games so that you could practice out your skills in writing since you mentioned that you’ve never written for sports yet.

they even give you some added key terms that aren’t found in books and online.

you’re def closest to iwaizumi and matsukawa.

iwaizumi because he makes really funny fish jokes about oikawa (yes you arent supposed to be laughing but man theyre funny af, oikawa would usually call you and iwa corny because the jokes aren’t even that funny) and yes its canon that whenever iwaizumi sees an oikawa fish in textbooks, he starts laughing and joking about it.

no explanation needed why you ended up being close to matsukawa.

its obvious after that first meeting ya both would be besties.

same brain cell bros go brrt brrt.

incredibly!! supportive!! I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH

like when you release a new write up about them, Oikawa would usually go, “It’s such an honor to be apart of your first steps, can you sign this?”

dramatic but hella supportive, we stan the gr8 king

“oh, wow, i thought you said you didn’t write before? how come you sound like a professional already?” - Hanamaki 

another dramatic best boi.

akira + kindaichi getting shy because they’ve never experienced this yet. So whenever you try to interview them about stats or something for a special issue, they usually end up a stuttering mess

“w-well, L/N-san...”

kentaro slowly warming up to you but still looks like he wants to spike a volleyball at your face 90% of the time but unlike before you’re used to his whole thing already.

“Move, extra.”

“You were great, by the way. That was a powerful spike!”

you may or may not be included in random ramen nights with the team

yes, oikawa buys you your own bowl of ramen

itadakimasu.

he doesn’t mind tho, he really loves how you write them. 

so its sort of a thank you for giving the team justice when you write about them.

team says you’re technically part of the team so they make you your own jersey. Now when you watch your games people ask if you’re like the manager or smthng.

“ no :’) “

When they lost against shiratorizawa and karasuno, you were bawling too like you were apart of the team.

this pretty much cheered everyone up despite the loss because your crying face was apparently very funny and memable.

oh right, your article was passed on to the town’s newspaper

it was literally like 7 am on a saturday and your notifs went zoop.

they added you to their group chat and spammed you with pictures of the articles that you wrote.

“...wOW I CAN’T BELIEVE IT?? YOU GOT FRONT PAGE FOR SPORTS???” -Oikawa

“we didn’t even win the tournament but we still get a feature?? thats so cool?? holy shit?? CONGRATS KSKSKS” -matsukawa

lmao idk matsukawa looks like a keyboard smasher tbh idk why

pretty much its normal for you to even start hanging out already outside of the court and after practice to get steam buns.

more chaotic mess and clumsy you running around.

your volleyball sports writing experience wouldn’t be complete until someone accidentally spikes a ball at the back of your head amaright?

ironically, it’s yahaba who does that to you. poor smoll bean.

“wow, you’re dumb.” -kentaro says to you

“ :’)” -you.

“y/N-SAN I SWEAR IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.” -yahaba 

overall, you found yourself in a safe haven with the volleyball team and yes, you also cried when the third years graduated. 

the third years have a picture with everyone on the team + you with a very red face from all the crying?? once again, you’ve proven yourself to be a meme.

continued to write for them up until graduation.

and its def obvious you kept in touch with all of them after, duh.

[themechaneer]

~ Hewwo OvO ~

So quick update and rundown of why the hell I’ve been taking so long doing any legitimate writing and why you all should see me being more active here very soon.

So some of you know, some of you don’t, I work as a direct support provider/care provider and I do 24 hour shifts. Before the pandemic when I still had a coworker I did 3 shifts one wekk and 4 another and that was my schedule. During almost all of last year’s summer and fall I was alone after my coworker at the time took an extended leave of absence I was doing 5 day shifts which---- really left me no energy for writing or much of anything really. She came back round November only to quit mid-January which---- again left me doing 4 24h shifts per week while my boss tried to find a replacement. It’s why for about a whole year now I’ve seemingly not had any momentum or energy for any threading despite the enthusiam and motivation being there T-T.

Thankfully though we’ve found someone and so long as she continues to work out my schedule should be back to normal. On top of that, this means I’m FINALLY able to take a long overdue vacation from work ;^; . This will start in another two weeks or so just as soon as I get back from visiting my mama & papa. I’d call that the start of my vacation but honestly I’m going there to take care of my mom for a bit (she fell on ice and broke BOTH of her arms and while capable my dad is not the most patient or sensitive of men so my sister and I are helping when we can). But once I get back I plan to have another two whole weeks for myself where I finally start on my pile of drafts I’ve been dragon hoarding for forever and after that will probably be plotting with those I’ve been dying to for sometime but havent because of lack of time and energy. SOON MY FRIENDS.

All that aside, I just really wanna thank each of you for showing genuine interest and sticking around as long as you have and supporting, and encourging me. Seriously means the world to me to have such amazing rp partners and friends that never mind how long I take and are still here for me when I need them. I don’t think I could ask for better or more genuinely wonderful people to know. Bless you all  ♥

[bakugohoex]

chapter seven ➺  hidden motives

pairing: pro hero katsuki bakugo x pro hero female reader

cw: language 

word count: 2100+

a/n: i promise this series will end soon, i just havent posted for it since decmber whoops, also i promise later on there will be be a lot more action between you and bakugo, i just need to set the plot up, and from the next two chapters theyve got a lot of contact between the two of you

summary:  in which the untrustworthiness of heroes has arised and you and toga get sent on your own little mission, what turns into gaining intel turns into something a lot bigger than you expected, with old friends coming back and an understandment that you were lied to for a very long time

chapter six | masterlist | chapter eight

↞ back to my hero academia masterlist

The purple bruises from last week had disappeared, but the burnt sensation around your wrist remained, it had began to heal but even then, the bandages that Bakugo replaced every night didn’t help. You and Bakugo sat in front of the tv, Tomura with a drink in his hand and Toga beside you trying to gain your attention.

“Can we still really trust the heroes?” One of the civilians had spoken through the TV but you had stopped paying attention. 

Toga’s lips curved to a smirk at the sight of the screen, the events of the prior week had been televised. The blazing night, the murders that occurred and then the couple, the couple you led to death. You could feel Bakugo shift his weight closer to you, he didn’t speak, no usual anger, he was complying watching along. Your face was the next to pop up, a picture taken at the scene where you had stopped the two police officers from grabbing Dabi.

“Ex pro hero Y/n Y/l/n was seen running out of an alleyway after what seemed to be her partner had robbed a convenience store, inside the alleyway were two unconscious police men. If you see this woman contact the police and stay away from her, she is highly dangerous…”

Bakugo closed the TV, seeing how your face had turned sour, “don’t worry about it.” It was soft but you could sense that he was getting more and more frustrated being surrounded by villains.

He had been on ice with Dabi, glaring at him whenever he could, refusing to go out with him and opting to go with Mr Compress. He hated this but most of all he hated seeing how vulnerable you had gotten. You were both cold and sad to him, he’d hear soft sobs some nights and others you were cold and reclusive.

You knew watching the broadcast what you were, a pawn. The Front would never need someone like you, they always wanted Bakugo, but you, they would wear you down until you died in your own means.

“Dabi should be back now, you both can go.” Tomura had told you and Toga that you’d both have to collect some files; it was easy enough to sneak into the commission. With both your quirks you could easily get past security and get the files that they needed. You didn’t question why Tomura had even asked you both to go, but you complied, and Toga had become impatient and grabbed your bandaged arm.

You had wanted to ask what Dabi had been doing but didn’t bother seeing him agitated. His mind was always eerily empty, he never had thoughts and was always just planning his next villainous plan or deciding a meeting for this mysterious man he had been associated with. He never spoke the name of the man and it seemed like nobody ever questioned where he went past midnight.

Suppressing the pain, you gain a fake grin to the girl, her grip still around your burnt arm, it would need checking up properly but that would never occur. You both began walking outside, your black hoodies covering your head and the sunglasses you wore. It had become a lot darker through the afternoon, so it looked normal enough.

Her voice kept playing in the back of your ears, you weren’t paying attention to her, her voice being very annoying, and you wished you could just tell her to fuck off. But you nodded, agreed at her words, acted out as a perfect little villain that you were.

“Y/n, we’re here.” Her cruel grin was evident in her malice tone, she looked between the commission building that you had been in, only three weeks ago. But here you were, a villain ready to infiltrate, you both hid to the side, already knowing what she was going to do.

Seeing the man come to the side, a cigarette in his hands, Toga grabbed her knife and stuck it in him before ingesting his blood. “Y/n now.” She spoke as he tried to scream for help, instead you controlled his head and pushed him into the concrete making him go unconscious. You saw the large rubbish container; you should’ve probably put him in there. But his bleeding head would be fine, and you still wanted him to be found.

You watched her transform in the man and began controlling those in the building. It was a mass group, but your main goal was to control those at the bottom floor and then in groups once you were passed security. She started walking towards the door and you followed, all the thoughts that filled your head would definitely give you a headache, but you kept at it, every single one of them was under your quirk, making them allow you through, letting you both into the elevator and with ease you had made it with the girl.

She tried to figure out what the man’s quirk was, but to no avail couldn’t, trying everything even hurting herself. But it didn’t work, “Y/n, you should’ve looked in his head to see what his quirk was.”

“Sorry, next time I will.” You tapped your foot impatiently; she watched your eyes skim the buttons of the elevator. You remember running away from this exact elevator to tell the president that you would agree to this.

You wondered how she was doing in a safe house, how Todoroki was doing, if being dead was nice and calm for the two of them. You knew when the plan was initiated, they’d both have there own reveals, how they could both go back to their own lives. But you knew most of all, that you’d owe Todoroki, you’d treat the boy to dinner or some other meal.

Toga softly pushed your arm, getting you out of your gaze, you followed her, controlling the cameras away from you both and finally reaching the file room. The commission had decided to have both paper and electronic copies of each human with a quirk, each pro hero and each villain. You had gone through the database a lot when you first started out as a sidekick, you knew the system by the back of your hand.

“We need hard copies.” You nodded, Tomura had gave you both a list to get the files for. You had assumed it was to see how he could vitalise different people to benefit him. But the list varied from normal humans, to pro heroes and villains, it didn’t make sense at all. You grabbed the files you and Toga had designated, before going through the pro heroes cabinet. Finding both yours and Bakugo’s file, your names in bold, with the words inactive stamped across it. You saw the photos they had used, it was fresh out of UA, how young you both had been, so vulnerable unaware of what was to come.

You softly skimmed on Bakugo’s photos, the nights you had been spending in the same bed had brought another side to the boy. Kinder, softer even, he still acted like a dickhead, but he knew the position you both were in and was trying to remind you of why you were even doing this.

“Y/n, I cant find this guy’s, help me.” She whined using the mans voice, it sounded horrific, but you nodded, dropping the files back in the cabinet and walking back to her.

“What’s the name?” She passes the piece of paper, taking a look at the name sprawled over it. The name Aone, you went through the A section, trying to look for the name.

That’s when you saw it, the name of someone a lot more familiar. The lettering was exact, even the surname was the same. But it couldn’t be, his name sprawled in a file of villains, a file of active villains. He couldn’t be, he was dead, he couldn’t exist, he couldn’t be alive. You touched the folder, your mind going through the motions, you heard a squeal Toga having found the file. But all you could see was the name, the name that you hadn’t heard since you were 15 years old. The name of the boy who had saved you, who you had lost.

Grabbing the folder and putting it on top of the others, you both left as quickly as you could. But as fate would have it the loud sound of an alarm blared through the rooms, the elevator had locked itself and being on the fifth floor was not the plan. You saw how heroes had come running up the stairs.

“What do we do Y/n?” Toga had transformed back to herself, and you knew there was only one way out.

You grabbed her, passing her the folders, “keep them tight, you trust me.” It was a stupid question, there was no trust within the two of you, you both were not even friends.

“Just do it.” She muttered grabbing onto the papers with a force, you held her arm, seeing the quirks activate around you.

And a face you hadn’t expected, “Y/n.”

“Deku.” You whispered. He had his arm out, the red and yellow circling his arms, you went into his head saying the words he was shocked to hear. A sorry, an apology, not something a true villain would ever say, he hadn’t expected to see you here, noticing the files in Toga’s hands. He wanted to stop you, but you had gone off in a run.

“Y/n don’t.” He shouted.

It hadn’t stopped you, the window shattered from the force, you both flew out of the window, falling lower and lower, you saw the rubbish container, moving it to where you’d land. It had been a quick movement, and you both landed with a loud scream into the rubbish.

“We have to run.” You said to her grabbing the files and taking off out of the rubbish heap. You took one look back to the building, Midoriya looking out of the window. The saddened face he had, you remembered the first time you had met him, having introduced yourself on the first day of UA. He had always thought of you to be the sweetest girl to ever exist. But here you were, and he could hardly even recognise you.

You could hear the pro heroes try and run after you, but you did something drastic to stop them. Moving the cars that had been on the road to crash into each other and stop the heroes movements, it was petty. But it had worked and both you and Toga both ran for your life’s worth.

Toga was the first to run into the Front’s building, you behind, you had slipped the file quickly away from her own grasp. Knowing she’d ask too many questions, “everything okay?”

Bakugo’s voice was softer and you tried to give a nod, but he continued, “she mentioned shitty Deku, what happened?”

“I’ll tell you later.” You tried to excuse yourself but were stopped by his own grip.

His eyes looked angry, but with a hint of worry, “don’t do this shit, tell me now.”

You looked down, not knowing how to speak, you just wanted to leave, find out the truth but you had to deal with the blond boy. “He was at the commission that was it.”

His grip on your arm had loosened but still lingered, eyeing you up and down. “Did you say anything to him?”

You shook your head, but the slam of the wall that you had been leaning against, caught everybody off guard. Toga stopping her recount of the event as she watched your eyes calmer than usual. The yellow sparks making the wall become ashier.

“Don’t fucking lie to me Y/n, not when we’ve been through too much.” He had known in an instant you had lied; he knew your tell so easily, how you’d answer questions with your facial expressions rather than speak out the lie.

He knew you too well, had paid attention to you for so many years. He knew you inside and out and it bothered him you had kept it from him. “I said I’m sorry, that’s it.” He looked at your eyes, you were hiding something more. He was not letting this go but had let go of your arm seeing you quickly excuse yourself to get changed. Instead you sat on the bed, the hoodie wrapped around your body, staring at the brown folder, the name on a small label at the top.

Why does a file even exist for him? Files for the dead get moved to the basement, it made no sense. Was there some sort of hidden motive for his file to even exist?

You took a deep breathe, opening the file to see the picture of the deceased boy and the words Active stamped across the field. The name of the boys sprawled largely in bold, it was him. A soft tap against the door and the name ahead of you. Akira was alive.

i’d really appreciate if you guys could leave a like, reblog or comment, thanks x

if you guys want to be a part of a tag list, just reply to any post and i’ll add you xx

@samusimp @alainarose13 @crispychannie @underratedmage @jennammaee @cathy8taffy @sugacious @moonlightaangel @kat-sukis-hoe @effmigentlywithachainsaw @swankiifiied @maat-the-prescriptive @missmultifangirl @tvwhoresblog @kuroos-world @chrrylevi @ukaisgratefulwhore @answer-the-sirens @animexholic

[turpentine-pool]

Explanation and kind of getting things off my chest some of you might want to know( I owe you all an explanation for being gone for so long)

So , I am sure this past year has not been easy to anyone, with COVID-19 changing everything; the way we live, the way we think... to me it has been the worst year I have had lo live so far. I have lost a lot of loved ones, both friends and family. I have lost people dearest to me; people who raised me up and took care of me when my parents didn't. I took care of them until the very last moment , even though I was not supposed to be there. I got the virus myself , and was in the hospital for about a week and a half( people who know me or might remember, I have delicate health and I get sick easily) Recovered after being very sick, and I need to take medication .

Not happy enough with this , destiny decided it would be nice to put an ill puppy in the way too...which I have been taking care of. After that I lost my job.Boss couldn't pay all of us because of the virus, business doesn't go well.

I have two dogs and myself to take care of. It is rough, but now I have nobody else I can rely on but myself. Thats why I havent been here, needed to get out of social media for a while.But I guess I am back despite all of this, not going to be as active as I used to be, but I missed you guys and I think coming back at my own pace will be good for my mental health.

Thank you for hearing me out, it really means a lot. ❤

[planetjisungie]

lucky charms- h.rj

characters; ravenclaw! renjun x hufflepuff! reader ft. gryffindor! mark and gryffindor! jeno (sigh)

summary; with the exams coming up, you need a little help with your charms. well you dont, you just needed an excuse to talk to your long time crush, huang renjun

an; i literally changed this on the spot 🤡 plot holes here i come- (also id like to think jeno is more of a hufflepuff but idk man)

sigh okay this is a long boi

end of year exams were in just a few weeks

yay, your absolute favourite !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sarcasm

now, charms

in room 99, classroom 2E in the south tower

i did my research

you were pretty good at charms, not nearly as good as you were in the care of magical creatures and herbology though

still above averagely good

you know who else was good at charms?

huang renjun

the star ravenclaw prince boy, the pride of the house and a very beautiful boy

best boi renjun

if jeno was being quite honest he was SICK AND TIRED of hearing you two pine over eachother

jeno met you in first year, and you quickly became best friends and even ended up in the same house as eachother

despite having different friend groups (your friend group consisted of you and eunji), you stayed best friends until now aka 5th year

just go with it okay

so as he was saying before i digressed, jeno physically is pained as he watched the longing glances both you and renjun throw when the other isnt looking

but it isnt his business to meddle with your lack of relationship problems

best boi part 2

BUT! but! he will give you both a tiny! eensy! little! minuscule! nudge

that nudge being forming a plan with you

you were slightly reluctant when jenos very enthusiastic face greeted you at the table saying he had ‘a totally brilliant, spectacular, show stopping, wonderful, flawless plan’

this was jeno we were talking about

the same boy who planned the failed midnight snack run a few weeks before

and as soon as he mentioned renjun your eyes narrowed

"proceed."

the plan was for jeno to ask renjun to tutor his friend who was falling behind in charms

said friend was you

and you were ahead of the class

bUT!! you agreed because he wasnt in your class, so there was no way he could know that right?

wrong.

who was in your class?

mark lee. one of renjuns best friends.

also the boyfriend of eunji and the reason you wanted to gauge your eyeballs out everytime you turned around to talk to them

thats right eunji ditched you to sit next to her little markie. bitch.

nonetheless, you agreed because your dumb, spontaneous ass forgot that renjun even knew mark, because if someone said ‘whos mark?’ you would go ‘eunjis boyfriend’

so of course, when all the students were making their way to their class, jeno caught up with renjun seeing as they both had muggle studdies

"hey man, i have a favour to ask"

stage one of operation: stop the oblivious fuckers from pining over eachother (that name may need some revamping) was a-go

"depends what said favour is"

smart boi™️

"is it possible to tutor one of my friends in charms for the upcoming OWLs?"

oh? this piqued china pretty boys interest

"i mean, sure, i could do with some revision too. tell them to meet me at the library after school"

and so jeno walked away with a smug smirk, victorious

and when jeno told you he had agreed later in potions, you were yet you werent surprised

so of you trotted after last period, kinda nervous because youre about to be in the literal breathing proximity of renjun

like obviously youve talked to him before but this time it was just you and him

alone

no get those thoughts out of your head

n e ways u perv

renjun sat at the back table, textbooks and notebooks with his neat writing in both chinese and korean all over the pages

smart boi part 2

so seeing him not looking at you

attention whore

wow why am i so mean today

you sat down and cleared your throat, placing your blank notebooks on the table so the boy wouldnt get suspicious

you had to pray to whatever gods were listening for your cheeks not to flare up the colour of the strawberries you had for breakfast

healthy girl™️

and the gods apparently answered your prayers

because as soon as renjun looked up and into your eyes you swore you were too distracted for your blood cells to even think about moving towards your face

and renjun nearly had a heart attack (by aoa)

poor boy

jeno had NOT told him that he would be tutoring you

he was going to be choked later

"sorry im late"

renjun was nearly offended that you would even apologise to him for being late by

2 minutes and 48 seconds

"no no its okay i havent been here long"

that was a lie he had study period last and has been sat in the same goddamn chair for an hour already but your presence made his ass cheeks ache less

so he started teaching you, but ???

you seemed to fully grasp the concepts

confused boi

excuse me ma’am/sir/señor/señorita whatever you prefer to go by-

you need to brush up on your acting skills dude

appalling smh your drama teacher back from your muggle school would be completely distraught

so for the next hour renjun ‘tutored’ you

things you already knew but this was a dream-

and actually he was a funny guy

he was also muggle born, so you could both relate over things you experienced as a kid

this lead to a raging debate over dora the explorer

that bitch was shaded in said debate, fully annihilated

hola soy dora your asshole

but,, it was fun. because jeno was pureblood and grew up knowing about all his magicky stuff so he was kinda boring sometimes

no tea no shade

but you ended the session with smiles on both your faces, cheeks literally aching with how hard youd been laughing and smiling

so lads

the next day at breakfast renjun was all happy, plonking himself next to mark at the gryffindor table because

man does not give a SHIT about the looks he was getting. he is huang renjun.

"why are you so smiley this morning? and why didn’t you come to my common room last night"

the gryffindor common room was the dreamie hang out

no one dared tell THE mark lee to go somewhere else with his friends

"sorry, last night i was tutoring y/n in charms" smiley boy still

mark seagull eyebrows: activated

excuse him?? charms?? you?? the one who got an outstanding in your report card??

something smells fishy here

"renjun... y/n got an outstanding on her charms"

eunji who had magically appeared next to mark basically said what he was just thinking

confused boi part ??

"wait what?"

but later on he didnt question you about it

he silently observed you

he told himself that anyway

quite honestly if you were spending time with him he was not about to complain

he was staring at you, simply put

my leng bby (thats you, youre my leng bby)

so for the next 2 weeks every day after school you would meet up to ‘catch up’ on your charms

that being said it literally always, every time, ended up with you two talking about something unrelated

like the 5th day you had a conversation about which series of power rangers was better

"SPD, obviously"

AM I THAT OLD?? on god i hate it here

"no, y/n, we all know that dino force is better"

i agree with y/n on this one pal

on the 7th day you talked about muggle sports that you both enjoyed

"i played a lot of cricket"

"cricket? okay tory"

"i am NOT a tory"

on the last day when you should have been, you know, LEARNING

you were having a lovely old chinwag about the x factor

"simon cowell is a king"

"i agree"

legend behaviour if you ask me

wait does chinwag exist in other countries??? translation: chat

so of course the exams came up

but you were dreading them for a different reason

this meant the end of tutoring with renjun

this was super bittersweet, you wanted to spend more time with eachother

you literally could it wasn’t that deep both of you are so dumb smh aint nothing stopping you

jeno agrees with me too, mans pulling out his hair still as you had somehow not gotten together yet

it was like watching snails race, incredibly frustrating but you know that there is the finish line somwhere over the horizon

so you took your exams and both of you passed with flying colours, obviously

smart kids

and you ran right to renjun to celebrate

seeing as he had

not really helped you but you thought that he thought he helped you

oh no honey he knew that you didnt need help

but he didnt know whether to confront you about it?

rip your guilty conscience

so after a long discussion with mark, our china boy decided to ask why the heck you wanted his help when you were absolutely fully capable

unlike mark

and when you saw him approach you first in the halls your heart went

NYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

that was the sound of a fast motorbike

"hi y/n"

‘damn renjun, couldnt have thought of anything better than that?’

"uhh hi renjun"

awkward silence by stray kids

"i just wanted to know why you asked for my help"

okay where is the nearest shovel and what is the most efficient way to dig a large hole-

as if renjun sensed your panic radiating off you in waves

which he did

"not that it was an issue! i enjoyed spending time with you, it was just, you didnt really need help"

he was a pure boy

so you puffed your cheeks and decided to just come clean

somewhere, jeno felt his senses tingling

"genuinely i just wanted to spend some time with you because i really like you"

renjun froze and wanted to smack his head into a wall

bruh

you noticed his expression and panicked yet again

stop panicking man its okay i gotchu

"it was jenos idea"

blame jeno is always a fool-proof plan b

unless you get pregnant, that would not be a good idea

so i guess its not fool proof

BUT I DIGRESS

renjun face palms and groans

"youre kidding me! all this time we wasted doing boringass charms work when we couldve gone on dates"

confusion™️

but?? you felt hopeful??

"i dont think im on the same wavelength"

"i like you too dumbass"

oH so YOURE the dumbass??

yes, yes you are renjun is best boi, accept the L which is really a W bc renjun likes you back

jeno who had found his way to you, listening from around the corner sighed in happiness

"fucking finally!!"

[avellanas-nutty-empire]

Ok yall I'm sure you're all probably fed up of hearing my opinion but I'd still like to share my thoughts on Starco from Star VS The Forces Of Evil. After doing literally (and I'm not joking) nothing for weeks but school work, sleeping, and watching the same 12 episodes over and over again because it's the only thing that rejuvenates my spoons, I finally managed to do something else and thus I have become enraptured by svtfoe.

(I guess this is spoilers if you havent seen all 4 seasons?)

Because I watched it recently, I havent participated in the fandom - but I did see just a tiny bit of shipping disputes while looking thru the tom lucitor content (cause I love my boi). The disputes werent anything super big, but it did get me thinking....

Marco has said that he liked star from the beginning, which I dont like. If he really did, we would have seen even just a sliver of him blushing around star in the beginning of the show. Or a slight scowl when star does something with someone else that could be interpreted as romantic in theory if Marco was there instead of the other person. Not like jealousy, but him having that split second thought I dont like that shes like that with them and it passes, or he doesnt dwell on it too much, because its not strong enough to be jealousy. It's just a small little intrusive thought that would hint the viewers of his feelings.

Marco said his feelings kept growing stronger and stronger over time, which yeah, I'll believe, but he also said that they were already strong from the beginning. Given the fact that there was no proper indication of even just... feeling slightly awkward around star in the very beginning because shes a girl hes a boy they are capable of falling in love with eachother I mean with a situation like that, things are bound to be a bit awkward around eachother even for just a little while. And like, yeah it does get like that eventually, but only after it's out in the open that at least one of them is possibly attracted to the other. Which ofc makes things awkward but I'm talking about... like, not even crush awkward but like like awkward

I really like the concept of the blood moon curse tho. I headcannon that the blood moon curse chooses the 2 souls (in that room I guess) that are the closest together and binds them together in what will develop as an irrational borderline unhealthy attraction. And it chooses 2 souls that are already super connected to eachother because it's easier to bind them together if they already have that kind of connection, ya know? So I like the idea of star and marco being destined to eachother from the beginning even without the blood moon curse, but I dont like how we saw their feelings develop.

It feels so much like starco was just kinda.... slapped on there (especially last second in the final episode) simply because the writers could. Which... sadly... is how most ships become cannon. We live in a world where being allosexual and alloromantic is the default. The normal. The unquestioned. You might not even know what the term allo means, it's so baseline. But my point is that romantic and sexual relationships have been last minute slapped into movies and tv shows since the beginning of television basically. Even if the genre isnt romance. Especially if the genre isnt romance. Society projects romantic and sexual attraction and relationships in such a way its actively harmful for those on the aro/ace spectrum. They might blame themselves for a long time wondering why they cant be attracted to people like a normal person.

But my point is, svtfoe was not made to be a romance show from the very beginning, so ofc the romance elements are out of whack. I personally am a multi shipper, so I like a lot of the ships, but it just.... really grinds my gears to see a romance plot fucked up because society has to portray how normal being allo is so they slap cannon ships in last second or without much realism for their development

Anyways, sorry for bothering yall with my thoughts again. But that's what I think :P

[neverheardnothing]

rewatching joe iconis and family lincoln center performance at 4 am instead of packing or sleeping just to feel something and i have so FEW and so MANY thoughts and yall are gonna hear em all. no i will not put this under a cut. im going to be an absolute bastard about this.

i love the story joe tells about why he's singing mitb as the first song so much. like. the spite of it all. the defiance of it all. the pride of it all. the dig it or fuck off and disappear of it all. the joe iconis of it all. 

“i know exactly the song im going to sing as my first song at the american songbook series.” i love that he highlights the fact that this is the american songbook series.

then immediately jumping right into broadway here i come with molly hager, the other song he is most known for!!!

every time i think about this performance i think about how this was the first (?) time this song was performed by them since the closing of bmc.

and then lance rubin comes up to sing try again. which is the only time that i know of that anyone but joe has sung this song.

i remember a remark made during watching it live that having someone else sing the song made it seem so clearly more about joe and his career. but also having lance sing it immediately makes me think of bbh closing early which yeah is part of joe’s career but also lance’s.

and also the line “if you’re an actor and another actor gets the part you auditioned for” reminds me of how lance found the auditioning process of acting and the whole [not acting part] of an acting career to be terrible which is why he quit to then become an author and the juxtaposition of him singing try again is Something. but also he DID try again he is just applying his efforts to a different creative field and it’s working out great for him. good for lance rubin.

lol i haven’t even talked about the actual performance aspect of this song anyways it’s very different from the two versions ive seen of joe doing it. he plays it a lot more comical. i love it.

sidenote not specific about this performance, but i love love LOVE the line and the music at “use the stairs, walk to the street. see the people, feel the heat, and apply yourself again.”

and also the line “when they cast you out to sea, there’s a lifeboat manned by me called try and try again” will never not make me think of bsol/last on land and bonus lance was also in that show! it just keeps circling around.

everything about these past 3 songs performed at this venue in this set list order in this moment at joe’s career is honestly so wonderful. like you had a songs about an anxiety attack, a suicide/loss of self in success, and repeated failures before this song all sung by individuals. two of these songs were written at points where joe felt frustrated/sad with his career. one written in the aftermath of specific frustration about the first closing of be more chill. one an actual song from bmc. like what a SETLIST for your first three songs! fucking michael in the bathroom, broadway here i come, and try again. truly something.

THE WHISKEY SONG!! i love hearing joe sing so much. while i think we can all agree he’s not the most skilled singer there’s something special about hearing a composer perform their own work. he adds like 3 levels of charm to make up for lack of singing skills lol. just a very charismatic guy.

lance rubin back on tamborine for the next bit of the song and he’s like laughing through it. not completely sure what he’s laughing about honestly but this Is a comedic song (after 3 real downers of songs) and also joe was playing it up.

jared weiss down on the floor with his guitar playing along. that’s its own bullet point.

audience cheering as more family members start coming on stage! i love that the band is getting cheers. love that!!!

the camera isn’t on him but from the audio, nick blaemire is presumably running around giving high fives to people in the audience.

i can’t exactly tell with the camera angle and the lighting but i think that more family members get up from different seats in the audience or at least enter in the back and walk through the audience to get to the stage during this instrumental break. reminds me of how joe loves theater that physically touches you. giving you high fives in this case.

love liz lark brown. she plays it pretty like. frenetic and frazzled. love it.

amara, badia, danielle, will, and nick are just chillin sitting on the steps of the stage. 100% contributes to the vibe of this song. top fuckin notch.

SOMEONE screams AH during the drunk part of the song and i cannot figure out who but it gives me so much life.

jared pulling lance down to the floor with him.

jason going “man.... this place is a dump” like i LOVE the irreverence.

everyone actually getting back up and also converging On the stage during the (kind of) acapella break.

and now your whole gang is up on the stage at the fancy ass appel room singing your what sounds like a mostly upbeat fun song but is actually about self medication with alcohol and it’s a fucking jam. i love the 3 solo songs and then bringing in everyone for a big group number.

sidenote not about this specific performance: the lyrics “i’ll pour some more and then—AND THEN?—i’ll pass out and then—AND THEN!” the and thens were not on the things to ruin album and i wonder why not ALL the time. was it just deemed extraneous? or was this an innovation after the album was recorded?

i love that you can see the band singing along.

yesterdays / i can’t relate. i love this song i fucking love it. i love the synthy keyboard that was an active choice made. which means that joe is not the one accompanying jared in this song.

jared: i hate today. joe: *snorts in the background*

“i like music you can hold” -> old records black suits, susannah’s obsession with music which was of course in vinyl format back then

will once said hearing lgw was very exciting because he’s first and foremost a fan of joe’s so he was hearing a new joe song for the first time and the world got just a bit larger and i think about that quote a lot in relation to this song because i was like Oh i Get What He Means now because this is the first new joe song i heard since like getting into his work and i felt that world getting a bit bigger.

jared’s monotone chorus on top of the girls underneath is so good. it’s so fucking good i cannot.

liz lark brown velociraptor fuckin classic. specifically in this performance the weird ass electric guitar noise at “there’s a dinosaur” is SO good. i love it.

i know people say Trans Vibes from next song (jeff) but this song also gives me trans vibes. i think joe inadvertently writes stuff trans people relate to because of his propensity to write for People Who Are Different.

people cheering as will takes off his jacket hell yeah.

i am way more used to the jeremy morse version of this song and really consider it more his so it’s so fun to hear will sing it.

i love the canon of the “oh”s so much.

after will sings “i go to the window looking out and what do i see? myself just staring back at me.” and someone in the audience AUDIBLY goes “oh.” like what a MOMENT. way more subtle than when someone screamed “WHAT” at the “naked korean girl” reveal during the pipe night performance but on the same tier of Great Audience Reactions.

smooth fuckin gliss bro i love it. arms out by side. i love it.

Classic Jason Sweettooth Williams Singing Helen. but this time they added like some REAL like. oh god i have no idea how to describe it. electric crunchy electric guitar noises. and it’s so good.

i havent mentioned this yet but in the background of every song people who are not in it or are backup vocals are just sitting and jamming along and it’s so nice because me fuckin too.

honest to god just have to give a timestamp for this but bullet point for whatever the fuck eric is doing in the background here.

will and katrina circling each other singing directly into each other’s faces. so good.

the Unexpected dynamic change and following crescendo i am Living.

katrina rose dideriksen riffing up top. yes. YES.

joe starting to play helen sharp and then forgetting part of his introduction to the song is so good.

the inevitable laughter at any performance of this song at “it is not lost on me you’re all here at my show”

i know nothing about the movie death becomes her so i honestly always just think about joe when this song gets performed. also thinking about how in the youtube premiere of this song, joe was talking about how lauren was shouting out the names of all the musical theater composers joe is jealous of.

right place/wrong time. i read a bsol review a while ago about how katrina rose dideriksen was underutilized and gotta say i Agree holy Shit let her sing More.

i also remember how joe once said this song felt the most personal to him and that he cried when writing it

police siren piano.

the first time in this entire song they sing in sync is at the line “i wonder if his/her life is just like mine” and i just start screaming.

when eric and katrina turn to each other for the first time and start singing At each other!!!!!!!!!!!

honey! thinking about jen ash tep talking about how Each performance of this song gets Wilder and Wilder.

love it when nick just gets off the stage and starts singing to people in the audience. apparently one of the people was will’s mom lol.

ACAPELLA BREAK!!!!!! joe just fully gets up from piano and starts WILDLY clapping along!!!!

woman of a certain age! i remember when the live show happened the album had not come out yet and then when the yt premiere of it happened it Had been out for a week or so.

piano note elevator bell

the electric guitar is doing some fucking weird ass things in this song and i am living so fucking much for it.

the riffs badia does are so fucking incredible i immediately paused this video to go and watch her sing big fat ruby again just because i wanted more badia content.

the story behind old flame is so good and joe waiting until the last fuckin moment to give her the song is so fuckin funny.

i love love love these types of joe songs that are like 7 minute long story epics like right place/wrong time and the actress and ammonia and old flame.

“the best way to get past the past is to shoot it in the head” and then the audience cheers and i fucking love it. my commentary is getting shorter. it’s 6 am and i’m tired can you tell. i also just had a lot of thoughts about this early on and less thoughts about later on.

revolution song. the deep ass fucking electric bass is So good i Will go apeshit. like honestly that might be my favorite smaller detail of this song. like i imagine if i were in the room it might be loud and deep enough that i could feel it In my chest. like you can Feel the revolution coming.

i love the faster tempo revolution song has in the cabaret version.

i also love the cabaret specific lines of “evolution in the institution”

joey is a punk rocker was honestly not ever on the list of songs i thought would get performed here but im so glad that they did. like the obvious choice would have been veins for annie golden but they went this route. obsessed with this choice. obsessed with the fact that amphibian replaced this song as the act 2 opener. obsessed that annie is the one singing this.

i am never not screaming about wave and yall know this. just throwback to me losing it in the tags in a reblog of picture of the wave passage going on about how it really does mirror joe’s career and bmc specifically. and again this song being performed for the first (?) time since bmc closed makes the “so today on a hill in las vegas” and onward part SO fucking sad i literally just started crying. the entire song being in past tense up until that part. i will just go die now.

will in the yt premiere talking about texting the line “our energy would simply prevail” in the leadup to bmc coming back.

find the bastard. for some reason when this happened live i thought it was gonna be outlaw that was performed. 

i swear to god it is literally physically impossible for me not to AT LEAST mouth along to “what’s your name, what’s your name” during this song

NAMES ARE FOR ACCOUNTANTS.

MY NAME IS AWFUL LONG AS IT’S THE LYRICS OF THIS SONG.

the goodbye song. it’s never not sad. i love love love that this song is the final song every concert. i also love the recent lore of finding out that penny dreadfuls was the encore song at concerts before they became too long and it had to get cut.

finally gonna mention the background car lights. what a beautiful backdrop.

also since im always on my wrol bullshit i love how fucking clearly you can hear him at the end

accelerando accelerando accelerando. insert [joe iconis peaked when he wrote the accelerando in the goodbye song post of mine].

katrina singing an octave up is always SO fucking impressive i am so impressed by her voice she is so fucking good i love her so much

the bows are so fucking sweet i love them.

goodnight it’s 7 am.

[sporesgalaxy]

You know what? Fuck it. Here's the whole ass WIP script for the Danny Phantom/Ben 10/Deadpool crossover nightmare, which is called #follow ur crossover dreams, by the way. I think copy-pasting on my phone is gonna delete some italics but whatever.

Reminder that it's still a really early draft with a lot I plan on changing (wade Motormouth wilson doesnt say nearly enough bullshit, for starters), but hopefully u will enjoy it. happy birthday to me, my gift is letting myself share ideas without maximum effort

[BEN is running through a crowd of high school students, excitedly. He is on his phone] BEN: C'mon, Gwen, just tell me where to go! I wanna fight some bad guys today! It's been weeks! [GWEN is on a computer] GWEN: Ben, for the last time, you are NOT going into this alone! We aren't even sure what's causing this yet! Seismic activity at this scale is totally unheard of around here, and whatever's causing it-- BEN: Is gonna get it's butt whooped by the one and only Benn Tennyson! BEN: Don't worry, I can totally handle this! GWEN: Yeah, cause things always work out perfectly  when you say that. BEN: Just give me the location, and you can catch up with me there! GWEN: No, Ben. I'll fill you in when we know more, but.until then, don't run off. [BEN is dejectedy watching TV at home, when suddenly, there is another earthquake. Soon after, a newswoman reveals the epicenter just outside of town, and Ben gets an idea] [BEN gets off a public bus at a bus stop far outside of town. He looks out into a dry hilly wilderness, and down to his phone gps to confirm he is going in the right direction.] BEN: all right...I didn't wanna risk timing out before I got there, but I think I'm close enough now... [BEN places his phone gps at his feet, closes his eyes, and slaps the Omnitrix] [BEN transforms into Stinkfly] BEN: Well, I was hoping for XLR8, but I guess I can work with this? [BEN picks up his phonr and flies off] [when he reaches the epicenter BEN finds, embedded into a large hill, an abandoned lab of some sort.] BEN: ooOh [BEN enters the lab, and shortly times out, becoming human again. He sort of tries to sneak, but is clearly too excited/curious to be very effective] [The lab is full of rusting, inscruitable equiptment. Finally, Ben enters a natural cave turned testing area deep inside the lab, a cavernous room machinery littering the floor. There seems to be a fixation on machinery that we would recognize as Danny's parents' portal, but not embedded into a wall, so like a door attatched to a tube. Spare parts and dissasembled prototypes rest along the edges of the room, and a few assembled peices rest towards one end.] [Ben stands on the far south end of the cave, looking around at all of the strange wiring and such.] BEN: I wonder if this is Plumber tech... [BEN kicks a bundle of cords on the floor, and the sound echoes through the room.] [Then, a stranger sound eminates from somewhere just outside of the cavern. And another, similar, closer sound is accompanied by a visible flash. And then-- in a green streak, DANNY bursts into the air in the cavernous space, and then hits the floor and skids. When he stops, he turns human as he falls unconscious] [BEN has no fucking idea what is going on] BEN: uh...h...HEY. ARE YOU...OKAY? DANNY: ... BEN: HELLO? HELO-O? DP: ya think he's dead? BEN: AUGH!!!! [BEN jumps violently, very surprised by Deadpool's presence, and takes a step back] BEN: Who the heck are you?! DP: Call me Deadpool! [BEN gives him a look of utter disbelief. That is the stupidest superhero name he's ever heard. He's about to say that, but then,] DANNY: [groans] DP: [hops down. Puts a hand out, signalling for Ben to stay] Stay here, kid. [Ben is offended to be belittled even if it's reasonable. He stands with an angry look on his face for a moment before following just a few steps behind deadpool, hand at the ready above his watch.] [DP veeery cautiosly walks over to Danny and then....abruptly switches gears, standing up straight and gently bumping the boy's shoulder with his foot] DP: hey. hey. get up. DANNY: five more minutess.... DP: ...7Your mom made pancakes? [DANNY's eyebrows furrow. He groans again. He props himself up, and rubs his head. He's covered in dirt and some blood. He opens his eyes and his expression is full of exhaustion and dread as he processes his unfamiliar surroundings. He looks up at Deadpool] DANNY: ...........I don't smell any pancakes. [DEADPOOL and DANNY stare at eachother for a moment. DANNY seems to be waiting for something. He suddenly looks at BEN, incredulous] DANNY: So are either of you going to attack me, or are we having a staring contest? BEN: I dunno, are YOU going to attack? [DANNY is so tired. He's had a long day] DANNY: I'd prefer not to, but it tends to happen a lot. DP: Well that's depressing! BEN: Well if none of us are fighting, I have a question. BEN: Where'd you two come from? DANNY: Ghost portal. DP: Time travel. BEN: ... BEN: You're not giving me much to work with, here. [BEN points to DANNY] BEN: Especially you. I get time travel, I can live with that-- DP: Thank god. BEN: --But, "ghost portal?" Like a portal for ghosts? Are you dead?? [DP slowly prods Danny with his foot again. Danny is too busy suddenly realizing that he's in human form to be concerned with that] DANNY: I--uh-- BEN: Was that what was up with the green energy? DANNY: Maybe I just went through the ghost portal, ok? I--where are we? BEN: Somewhere on the outskirts of Bellwood, Nevada. DANNY: Nevada? BEN: Nevada DANNY: Huh. DANNY: And why are you here? BEN: [excited to sound smart] There was some unnatural seismic activity around here, and I came to check it out, see if it was anything nefarious. BEN: [cocky] You know, usual superhero stuff. [Danny is a little shocked. He's never really met another superhero before, who wasn't a clone, or accusing Danny of being evil or something] DANNY: oh. BEN: What? DANNY: You're...you're really a superhero? DP: You're like 12 is that safe? [What is the deal with all these young superheroes but say it funnier] BEN: I'm 16!!! DP: Children trying to be superheroes never works out well, trust me kid. BEN: I'm not a child!! Why do you care, huh? DP: Cause I hang out with a lot of superheroes and the heroism business has never done anyone's mental health ANY favors. [DANNY puts his hed in his hands] DANNY: Ugh, tell me about it. BEN: Ha! You AREN'T a normal kid! DANNY: oops. BEN: What can you do?? Do you have GHOST POWERS? [DANNY bites his lip] DANNY: What about you? Do you have powers? BEN: I can turn into any of hundreds of aliens! DANNY: ...care to show me? [BEN looks at the Omnitrix. It's still timed out] BEN: ...in theory... [Danny raises an eyebrow] [meanwhile, Deadpool loses interest. He starts climbing on stuff, looking at the scattered tech.] BEN: Uhhh...can it wait a minute? I just flew here. DANNY: What?? BEN: [gestures to watch, grinning sheepishly] Alien tech! BEN: I swear I'll show you later. What about you! Show me yours! [Deadpool arches an eyebrow at them in the distance] DANNY: ...I guess, since you already guessed it... BEN: What are you so worried about? Ha, haven't you ever met another superhero before? [Ben was sort of kidding, but...] DANNY: BEN: DANNY: Uh, no. Not really. BEN: ...So do you fight bad guys all on your own? DANNY: Uh, yeah? I'm kinda the only person who can. [Reconsiders, and adds with bitterness] Well, the only one who can and will. [Ben thinks about that for a second. He knows how it feels to think you're the only person who can save the world, but Ben is usually wrong when he assumes that's the case. He doesn't like imagining how he'd feel without all the support he's gotten in his hero-ing career. He's genuinely concerned for Danny.] [Danny notices the concern in Ben's expression. Ben seems to be about to say something, but Danny suddenly feels insecure about being pitied. He finally stands up, brushing himself off] DANNY: But like, I have friends, and plenty of tech they can use to help me out. I'm just the only...I guess I'm the only superpowered person willing to deal with fighting ghosts all the time, okay? Whatever! I've been at it for 2 years, I'm used to it. [Ben then adds something together in his head] BEN: Wait, have you never heard of me? Ben 10? DP: Wow! Humble! BEN: No, seriously! Never? Have you ever seen any aliens? DANNY: Uh, no? BEN: Where are you from? DANNY: Colorado. BEN: I've saved the world, like, several times. [DANNY and DP raise an eyebrow each] BEN: Publicly!! People know about me! I'm a big deal!! This is--You guys aren't from here. I need to take you to the Plumbers, so we can-- [A portal powers up again. DANNY seems to suddenly remember something. He goes stiff] DANNY: Oh no. BEN: What? Is that the Ghost Portal? DANNY: Yeah. And you're about to meet the guy who punched me through it. [DP rejoins them to look at the threat] DP: Oh, now that you two have your shit figured out, I should mention I'm from another universe. BEN: WHAT! You said time travel! DP: Yeah, time travel gone horribly, horribly wrong. BEN: How??? I've time travelled a few times and never seen anyine mess it up that bad. DANNY: Yeah since when does time travel take you to other universes? DP: OH SO WE'RE ALL TIME TRAVEL EXPERTS HERE ARE WE??? I'm not telling you two how to live YOUR lives! DP: How about I start bragging about being a superhero expert! Neither of you even know what an X-man *IS!* BEN: Like from the comics? [DP looks at Ben. He won't say it out loud but his expression says "WHAT THE FUCK DUDE"] [BEN shrugs]

[time to get DISJOINTED!!! Here's 2 comic transcripts]

...[some fighting I havent written yet]...

DP: DANNY WHY IS YOUR GHOST DAD SO HOT?? DANNY: HE'S NOT MY DAD. PLEASE DON'T CALL HIM THAT, IT'S A WHOLE *THING* WITH HIM-- [VLAD beams] VLAD: Now, Daniel, is that any way to speak to your father?? DANNY: SEE?! Now he'll never shut up about it! VLAD: I've had enough of your sass, young man! You're GROUNDED. [VLAD spikes Danny into the ground HARD.] [DP is pissed off now. He reaches for his katanas.] DP: Ok I get the picture.

...[more unwritten fighting]...

VLAD: Well, now that I have your undivided attention-- [DANNY has just been punched into the ground. He's sitting up, now] DANNY: --You can start the evil monologue. Joy. VLAD: Evil is such a reductive word. Don't you ever get tired of being beaten half to death to protect people that couldn't care less if you lived or died? [DANNY stands up, with some difficulty] DANNY: You *would* think having a conscience is exhausting. [VLAD is taking a lazy step towards Danny every few moments] VLAD: ...Have you noticed where we are, Daniel? VLAD: Because it isn't Amity Park. It's not even in the same universe as Amity Park. VLAD: And it's not anywhere your idiot father will ever bother finding, seeing as it has nothing whatsoever to do with ghosts. [VLAD is standing over Danny, now] VLAD: Do you know what that means, my boy? VLAD: Nothing I do here can spoil my reputation. VLAD: And none of your little friends are coming to save you. [VLAD places a hand on Danny's shoulder, gripping too tight] VLAD: So VLAD: I'm going to make you the same offer I made you the night of the reunion VLAD: One. Last. Time. VLAD: Either abandon Jack and let me teach you how to really use your powers, [VLAD summons some ghostly energy between his hand and Danny's shoulder] VLAD: Or force me to make poor, dear Maddie file a missing person's report that will never be resolved.

[wow direct segue into comic!]

..[just a tad more unwritten fighting]...

[Vlad has Ben by the neck very far up in the air, and Ben is frantically pressing his Omnitrix] VLAD: [cackles] Goodness, I think your powers might be even more tempermental than Daniel's! It's a little sad, honestly. I was looking forward to a real challenge for once. DP: [on the ground, a distance away] Superpowers shmuperpowers [cocks gun, and fires a couple of shots at Vlad] [Vlad was watching DP talk, unimpressed. He becomes intangible, clearly no longer interested in Ben, allowing him to plummet to his death] [After becoming tangible again, and without breaking eye contact, in a flash of pink energy, Vlad is right in front of Deadpool, and violently pins him to a wall] DP: AWH, you can teleport?! That's not even fair!! VLAD: [close to Deadpools face, crushing his neck harder] No. It isn't. And that's just how I like it. DP: [choking] [thinking] don't say harder daddy don't say harder daddy don't say harder daddy [cut to Ben falling through the air, desperately, repeatedly smacking the Omnitrix] BEN: PLEASE WORK PLEASE WORK PL-- [Danny swoops in and catches him] BEN: [clinging to Danny, obviously spooked but trying to be cool] Thanks! DANNY: [amused] Don't mention it. [Danny puts Ben down on the ground] BEN: Um..where are your legs? DANNY: Oh, they uh...they just do that sometimes. DANNY: Is something wrong with your watch? BEN: [glares at the Omnitrix] It just does this, sometimes. [Danny sees something coming] DANNY: Well you'd better fix it fast! [Ben looks up just as Danny turns them both intangible, seconds before Deadpool is sent hurtling through them and into the ground] [BEN is grinning, watching his hands as they turn re-tangible] BEN: That is SO COOL! I've only ever gotten to do that to myself! Y'know, as an alien! [DANNY was looking at DP's crater, but turns to BEN, surprised at the genuine enthusiasm] DANNY: [maybe blushing a little?] Uh, thanks! [BEN grins at him, and Danny smiles back. They're cute.] [Deadpool's hand pops out of the crater, waving (flailing)...reassuringly?] DP: Don't worry about me, all he did was break [groans] most of my bones. [Danny grabs Ben and pulls him out of the way before Vlad fires an energy blast at Deadpool] VLAD: Still think you can manage without superpowers? [DP sits up painfully and slowly, and coughs] DP: Ac-- [Vlad hits him with a copious amount of energy blasts for an unnecessarily long time as he slowly lowers to the ground] [When Vlad lands and stops firing, he turns around to face Danny and Ben] VLAD: Where were we, Daniel? [Danny is horrified. He's gripping a fistful of Ben's shirt like his life depends on it, expecting to have to save him a third time. Ben is a bit shaken but still determined, and holds his hand at the ready over the Omnitrix] VLAD: ...That was rhetorical, my boy. I had just asked you a very simple question. VLAD: [turning his gaze to Ben] And I don't want to repeat myself. [Ben is not quite picking up on Vlad's thinly veiled threat. Danny, bug-eyed, follows Vlad's gaze to Ben, and is clearly absolutely terrified to be responsible for the deaths of two people he just met. Danny tightens his grip on Ben's shirt.] DANNY: ...I-- [a gunshot hits Vlad from behind. Vlad is completely shocked] [behind him, DEADPOOL is sitting up in the crater, charred to all hell but somehow still alive. He appears to only have one (barely) functioning arm left, which is holding the smoking gun] DP: I never said I didn't have any superpowers, jackass. [DP narrows his eyes] DP: I just like guns. [DP tries to shoot VLAD a few more times, but VLAD has turned intangible, and flies to a safer distance] Vlads gonna say some shit and run off Im not done yet but hoo boy. Oh man.

[sibyl-of-space]

havent angsty long-posted on here in a while lol it’s like i am in 3rd year of college all over again

Well, no thanks to fast and reliable testing, I am at least fairly sure I actually do have Covid. I still haven’t gotten my test results and it’s been a week, but I have a headache typing this because I over exerted myself by performing the highly taxing tasks of... taking a shower, cooking something, and sitting upright instead of lying in bed (as I have been largely doing for the last 2 weeks). So at the very least I’ve been able to communicate with my workplace and am now at an understanding that I should just take this week off too because if sitting upright for extended periods of time makes it hard to breathe, that is perhaps, slightly concerning.

So instead my anxieties now are about the fact that literally contracting Covid was actually in the long run beneficial for my mental health because I’ve been able to just... rest, and play some video games, and rest some more, and sleep, and edit photos, and watch other people play video games. I’ve gotten to just. Relax. I haven’t had the chance to relax since before the pandemic started, because I work at a nonprofit that helps homeless people and that shit doesn’t stop being necessary in a crisis. And it’s compounded by the fact that I work in IT and we had to basically throw together enough band-aid and duct tape solutions to get everyone set up to work remotely, which was hard as fuck to do, and now we are still going in part of the week to help serve meals shifts because we don’t have any volunteers.

(That is like 90% definitely how I contracted it, a few weeks ago I worked a meals shift with someone who was not-so-subtly coughing into his mask next to me and it was not the phlegm-y cough but the ‘ah i am just clearing the old airways’ cough. Why are you working a meals shift to serve the homeless if you have symptoms OH MY GOD. Anyway.)

My workplace is not organized in the best of times, which made it interesting but lively and was largely endearing even if it was somewhat frustrating. But now, it is just driving me up the wall. I have felt at the end of my rope mentally for about 2 straight months with no end in sight. And now the more literature that comes out indicates it could be YEARS before the USA is able to approach anything resembling normal because of this, and I do not think I am mentally capable of handling this kind of environment for that long.

My team is GREAT. I love them. This organization put out the only legitimate IT starting position that did not require 3-5 years of previous experience, paid me MORE than a fair starting wage, and is just all around great at treating me like a person and I’ve learned so much from them. I am so thankful. But the organization as a whole is managed like, well, basically a shit show that makes me honestly miss the well-oiled shitty corporate bureaucracy that was my first job out of college. I’ve been considering applying elsewhere for ages now, but... well first of all I feel like I need to at least have worked a full year here before moving on (it’s been about 7 months presently) for it to count for anything, and also, well it has been very nice actually being treated like a person in a 9-to-5:30 office position and I don’t know how much I’ll be seeing that if I sell out and work for some tech startup or whatever the hell.

Up until now I have had a sort of... promise I’ve kept to myself, where if I am not fulfilled and start to actively dislike and resent my job when I wake up for it in the morning, that I will move on from that job. I have held on to that. My first job out of college was an excellent source of stability for me as a recent college grad, but when it reached a point it was stressing me more than it was supporting me, I moved on. I then worked minimum wage (note: minimum wage was $15/hr at this point so my income was only actually decreasing by $4/hour because administrative assistants do not get paid what they are worth. Now bay area cost of living is fucking stupid, but minimum wage in this circumstance was actually livable for me with the bonus of having my parents’ health insurance.) at a fabric store - I stayed there for 2 years, longer than I’ve ever held a position, and while partly I left because I had more or less finished learning what I had hoped to learn from my coworkers, the store was transforming away from that kind of community DIY vibe it started out as and turned into a kind of etsy wine mom vibe that didn’t click with me as much anymore, and also I was turning 26 and would lose my health insurance through my parents.

So I took the next several months taking my first real break from constant responsibilities/employment since pretty much ever, focused on speedrunning Tales of Symphonia and eventually started studying for a baseline IT certification so I could try and get a job that was more appealing to me than administrative bullshit, which I hated so much. My closest friends I made in my first corporate job out of college were people in QA and IT, so I decided to try and make that a reality. I studied my ass off for a couple solid months, took both tests for the A+ certification, passed, and started applying to jobs. And now here we are.

My frustration stems from the fact that I want to continue working with the people who took a chance on me when I was very green and had no experience, just 2 tests under my belt and a willingness to learn. I really do want to continue learning and growing here. But the environment, through no fault of anyone’s, has been just grating on me. I honestly believe that if I quit they would all completely understand, but I don’t WANT to - I want to stick it out, partly out of pride (this organization has such high turnover, I have already outlasted over half of the new users I’ve onboarded.....), partly to repay the team that has invested in me and treated me like a human being, and partly because I know more experience is necessary if I want to land another job anywhere else.

But boy, am I drained. I was literally hoping I had Covid because it meant I could get 2 weeks off work. And here I am, finally got Covid, am taking 2 weeks off work, and yet I still feel bad about it because a damn test hasn’t come back making me feel validated about it and I’ve still partially convinced myself I’m being a drama queen.

And this break from work is just making me dread the prospect of YEARS of this kind of uncertainty. It’s been so nice just kind of being able to do things at my pace, but it took me actually contracting The Plague to actually get this kind of relief.

Anyway, a few bright sides... first, my tortoise is adorable and doing great, so there is that. (Just looked over and saw her doing something cute. I love her.) Second, I will continue to rest this full week, and next week there is a good chance I will feel more empowered to tackle a workday with the perspective of fresh challenges as opposed to just some monotonous daily grind, after having this time off. Third, if I continue to feel nothing but dread and frustration regarding work, I think I should stick to that promise to myself and give a deadline to when it’s time to start looking elsewhere and move on, because no organization is worth my mental well-being. And lastly, I’ve re-visited OoT for the first time in a really long time (handhelds are about all I can do at the moment), and that was really special.

I’m still fucking pissed that there is pretty much no chance I’ll be able to go to France this Christmas with my roommate and girlfriend. I was so excited to have a paycheck where I could afford to do something not just for myself but for the people closest to me, I routed our flights so we had layovers that would let us connect on the main flight together and paid extra so we could sit together, I was SO excited about this because I spent almost EVERY Christmas in France as a kid because of my family and I miss it SO MUCH, I was so so so excited to share these intimate memories with people I really care about, but the USA is a fucking dumpster fire shit show so who knows when I’ll be able to actually do that now. I haven’t cancelled the flights yet but I’m coming to terms with the fact I’m going to have to do so. Hopefully I can get a refund and we will just have to go next Christmas, but I’m still really fucking upset.

Not even going to comment on how much of a shit show the USA is in general. I feel completely helpless. Another 4 years of Trump is literally a catastrophe we can NOT permit but the current DNC platform looks like it is going to fix about, oh, FUCK ALL, so at this point it feels like there is no hope unless we literally start busting out the guillotines. Every time I see an Elon Musk fanboy on Twitter some of my remaining faith in humanity crumbles. Then I think about how people have been protesting EVERY SINGLE DAY for the right of Black people to LIVE and NOTHING is being done about it. It’s both exhausting and terrifying.

In conclusion, I would like to stop living through a major historical event, please and thank you.