#which is why I dont trust spaces that are like that- where you can never question anyone ever on anything. feels too culty.

[snekdood]

personally, the reason I keep saying these antisemitic leftists aren't actually leftists is because for me- leftism has an entirely different function where antisemitism doesnt exist- so imo when someone makes excuses to be bigoted they've moved more to the right and no longer qualify. I came into being a leftist specifically because I expected there to be no bigotry. and when I find it I cant bring myself to believe you're an actual leftist. I get that the history of leftism hasnt been so neat but definitionally, to me, bigoted people dont qualify for actual, genuine leftism that actually *does* what it claims to believe in.

[dolibeauti]

bruh fuck school let’s go on a roadtrip with the LOV!!! really suggestive mdni NOT PROOFREAD DONT COME FOR ME

shigaraki x reader

the van you guys are riding in is way too small to fit everyone . . . unless someone sits on another’s lap. obviously, people like their personal space so it looked like one person had drop out of the trip or else the trip would be canceled. sadly, no one sacrificed themselves.

“ugh… c’mon guyss! i really want to go on this trip” toga whined next to double, squirming around like a child having a tantrum. you rolled your eyes in annoyance. she’s been complaining like this since yesterday. “i am NOT letting my dignity wash away by sitting on anyone else’s lap but their car seats.” you protested, making it clear that you wouldn’t give less than a shit if the trip was canceled.

dabi batted an eye at you with devious intentions (🤨) “are you implying that you’d rather have someone in your lap?” he rebuked your statement with a grin of victory, causing your face to contort in disgust. “no, i’m saying i’d rather not go, dipshit.” you shook your head before getting up to go to the other room. but not before overhearing him say that he guesses the trip will continue.

whatever.

ding

dabi :

js go man

toga wants you to

what if i told you you can sit alone

would you go

you :

ok

that’s not reassuring

but ok

where are you guys?

dabi :

we’re in the van bruh hurry up

you :

shut up

you assumed they already threw your stuff in the van because your luggage was nowhere to be seen. you walked up to the car and knocked on the heavily tinted windows before you heard the loud sliding of the door. greeted by dabi’s shit eating grin with his thumb pointing towards the back.

fuck - they tricked you.

you weren’t gonna sit alone, you were gonna sit on a lap. tomura shigaraki’s lap. out of everyone they chose AFO’s successor and the guy you had the hots for. “are you actually joking with me?” anger ran through your veins when you realized the situation but all your stuff was in that very luggage (that was in the van already) and no way in hell were they letting you get it back now.

“what? it’s just shiggy.”

that’s what happens when you trust a villain.

now you were sitting uncomfortably on tomura’s lap. it was miserable and you could tell he was too. the van had only one seat in the back with the rest of the space for luggage so you offered for yourself to sit on the floor surrounded by all the luggage in which he declined.

not that he was forbidding you to move but that it was okay for you to sit on him. he’d wrap his arms around you when you guys were on a bumpy trail, as if he was your very own seatbelt. you had to stop yourself from letting yourself indulge in your sinful thoughts when this happened so you distracted yourself by having conversation with everyone in the front where tomura occasionally joined in on.

so that’s why it was actually hell when everyone fell asleep (except kurogiri cuz he’s driving IDK KEAVE ME AKONE joke). the only people awake other than kurogiri were you and tomura because 1. you couldn’t sleep on his lap 2. he couldn’t sleep with someone on his lap.

“shigaraki… do you want me to move to the floor?” your turned your head to ask him in a quick whisper. he met your gaze with a shake of his head before hugging you from behind and resting his head on your back.

your eyes widened at the realization of what was happening right now. you were never that close to him before, only interacting through messages or meetings.

oh and you knew you were in for a ride (pun intended) when you felt something poke against your ass. he stayed silent, still in the same position as before, albeit with a tighter grip.

“shig.”

“sorry.”

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Why the Alpha Timeline is the Alpha Timeline

I figured I'd make a post, since it's pretty subtle and I think it genuinely passed a lot of people by? Homestuck is made up of a lot of words, haha.

The alpha timeline is described by Doc Scratch, functionally, as "the timeline that causes LE to exist."

The path which alone has my absolute mastery is the alpha timeline, a continuum I define as that which boasts exclusive rights both to my birth and to my death, two circumstantially simultaneous events.

Aranea also gives the explanation that the alpha timeline is the one where reality is perpetuated.

AG: Reality itself is using you and many others to propagate its own existence. Strictly speaking, there is only one path to its successful propagation. 8ut it still permits you to make choices.

Caliborn also states that his quest as a Lord of Time is coming to terms with the inevitability that everything, ever, in all of time, will be because of him - that he'll be the one to shape it, including the circumstances of his own defeat.

uu: AS A LORD OF TIME. I THINK I'M GOING TO MASTER TIME. NOT WITH MY BRAIN. WHICH WOULD BE TOO HARD. BUT WITH MY INSTINCTS. uu: LIKE IN A WAY THAT WORKS WITH MY NATURAL IMPULSES. SUCH AS MY AMBITION. MY WILL TO COMMIT MAYHEM. MY DESIRE TO PUNISH THOSE I DESPISE. uu: SO IF I WANT YOU TO BECOME STRONG. SO YOU CAN CHALLENGE ME LATER. AND I SEE EVIDENCE. THAT YOU PROBABLY BECOME SUCCESSFUL. uu: I THINK TO MYSELF. WHY SHOULDN'T I BE THE ONE TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN? IF IT'S GOING TO ANYWAY. uu: I THINK PART OF MY PERSONAL QUEST. IS TO BECOME AT EASE WITH THE FORCES OF INEVITABILITY. uu: INEVITABILITY THAT ALL THINGS SHOULD AND WILL FALL IN MY FAVOR. THAT ALL CAUSALITY ANSWERS TO ME. AND THAT ALL OUTCOMES NOT ONLY SERVE ME. BUT CONSIST OF MY BEING. uu: SO I FEEL THAT. THE MORE I GROW IN POWER. uu: THE MORE STUFF IT SHOULD TURN OUT I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR. uu: UP TO AND INCLUDING. EVERYTHING THAT EVER HAPPENS. uu: EVEN IF IT HAS TO BE. uu: RETROACTIVELY.

Aradia's stint as stewardess of the afterlife is explicitly described as "service to the lord of double death," and Dave explains that he acts instinctively - like Caliborn does - to fulfill the conditions of the alpha timeline. It's also worth noting that their classes, Maid and Knight, are roles that directly serve a Lord in the real world.

TEREZI: LUCK1LY YOU M4K3 4N 4DOR4BL3 H4NDM41D TO TH3 M4ST3R OF D34TH, 3SP3C14LLY 1N YOUR CUT3 CH3RRY P1X13 3NS3MBL3 ARADIA: you think so?

GG: well youre from the future right? GG: dont you know already if itll work? TG: yeah more or less TG: i never really studied how it went down all that closely TG: i just figured when the time came to sort it out the right thing to do would be obvious TG: like it is now TG: managing the loops is a balance of careful planning and just rolling with your in the moment decisions TG: and trusting they were the ones you were always supposed to make TG: by now im pretty used to having my intuition woven into the fabric of the alpha timeline

I'm starting with all that so I can explain that the GAME OVER timeline doesn't end when the time players disappear from it, like doomed timeline offshoots normally do, because it IS the alpha timeline: the sequence of events that causes GAME OVER to occur is the sequence of events that Caliborn/Lord English have chosen: one where (nearly) everyone dies, all hope of victory is lost, and his servant, the Condesce, gets to claim the Ultimate Reward, perpetuating the same misery and oppression in the new universe, and presumably all universes to come.

We see from Caliborn's chess match with Calliope that his (and by extension, LE)'s modus operandi is to follow the rules to the letter, while manipulating his opponent, tricking them with "shitty twists". It's always been explained that LE's actions have been "sanctioned by paradox space," that is, everything he's doing is explicitly allowed, nothing he's doing is against the rules - including the fact that he must be defeated. He has, via his mastery of time, perfectly engineered a situation where the only viable reality is the one where yes, he IS defeated... in the dream bubbles, by the dead and doomed, whom he sent to the dream bubbles in the first place via Condy, Jack English, and all the other boss fights. And his will, his ideals, are imposed on the new universe in spite of his defeat.

In a completely Watsonian read of the text, Lord English is an incredible villain because - subtly and unsublty - he IS basically responsible for every bad thing that ever happens, ever, to everyone. He has legitimately been the puppetmaster pulling the strings the entire time, pretty much all because Caliborn is a huge asshole who loves to hurt other people, and wants to do it as much as he can, to as many people as he can, for as long as he can.

But I think he's especially interesting through a Doylist perspective, through a reading of the text as a coming of age. Homestuck is a worth riddled with theme and symbolism, and thematically, Lord English represents everything that these kids need to overcome in order to mature into kind, empathetic adults who will be one day responsible for the care and oversight of a new universe. He represents selfishness, sadism, greed, destruction, oppression, fascism, murder, genocide, and hatred. And also literally the patriarchy.

And, you know what? Don't take my word for it. Here's Andrew Hussie's commentary from Book 6 Act 5 Act 2 Part 2:

Much of the logic [for who contributes to Lord English] orbits around these negative traits associated with men, or more specifically, the “toxically masculine” aspects often linked to certain male personalities. Dirk has a lot of these traits, which are central to Dave’s feelings of tension and abuse concerning his bro. The intellectual aggression, the power of assertion, the knowitall-ism, the mansplaining. That’s a lot of Dirk stuff when he’s at his worst. Equius shares a lot of those traits too, with some different points of emphasis. Both of them have this creepy-guy streak running through them, with strange or offputting interests, and seem to get a quiet kick out of making others uncomfortable through demonstrations of these fascinations. They are actually pretty similar characters in this way.

He's invited into the trolls' universe (and, by extension, the kids' universe) via the Dancestors, in an original sin kind of way. I'll let Hussie explain on their Formspring (emphasis mine):

We learn more about the troll race, as a once peaceful species and such before kid-ancestors as players scratched their session, though the short term relevance of this is mainly as a preamble to Scratch's religious story. Establishing an Eden-like paradise from which there is some departure through sin is sort of the boilerplate basis for religious lore. ... The failed players from peaceful Alternia made a classic "deal with the devil" move by causing the scratch after being given a choice by the mother of all monsters. (Echidna. Hey, she's a big snake!) By doing so they brought Scratch into their universe, and therefore all the things you'd expect that comes with summoning the devil.

The Dancestor's "departure through sin"? It was the fact that they couldn't get their shit together and grew up inside the Medium. That's why they're the age they are, 9 sweeps - adulthood by troll standards. They aren't kids anymore because that's the ultimate sign of having failed to do a coming of age. Symbolically, the Dancestors represent a prior generation of grown-ups that fucked everything up, leaving a huge mess for their descendents to clean up after. In fact, Doc Scratch even describes the alternate choice Echidna gave them:

The heroes could either accept their defeat along with the extinction of their race, and put no others at risk.

In other words, they could have stopped LE if they'd simply chosen not to Scratch. But once more, in line with their behavior up until that point, they chose the selfish option, and bore descendants into the world they ruined. They're immature, nasty, mean-spirited, cruel, callous, and shallow on purpose, because their role in the story is antagonistic. They're aligned (even if unwittingly) with Lord English, as they're the ones who directly invited him in via their failure to grow the fuck up.

There's also a reason why SBURB/SGRUB directly tie achieving godhood and reaching the Ultimate Reward to planetary quests fundamentally designed to help children mature. God-tiering is supposed to come at the end of one's quest, as achieving it directly teleports you to the Battlefield for the final boss.

AG: I really think how successfully they mature is tied to success in the game. It challenges the players in all the ways they need to 8e challenged to grow, which is different for every individual, and veeeeeeeery different for every race. AG: I don't think we were so hot at that aspect of the game. In fact, I'm sure we were quite awful. Hell, even I wasn't that gr8 at it! I actually just kinda fell ass 8ackwards into the god tier, to 8e honest.

And there's a perfectly functional Watsonian explanation for this - in order to increase the odds that the new universe will successfully propagate new universes, it's ideal to leave it in the hands of kind, mature people. But the Doylist explanation is, again, even more interesting.

Hussie has spoken extensively about the comic having always been about two things at its core: first, a creation myth... and second, a coming-of-age. These are complimentary themes, as Homestuck also makes statements about society and its effects on kids. In the real world, the kids of today become the voters, revolutionaries, and lawmakers of tomorrow. In Homestuck, they create, and are responsible for, a new universe.

I always saw HS as an exploration of young people developing relationships over the internet […] There’s a lot more to HS than just that obviously, but if there’s anything which it’s been about through and through, it’s modern kids relating to each other from afar, developing as people and growing up.

In fact, all the initial kids' entry artifacts are metaphors for "departures, loss of innocence, and sometimes the journey from childhood to adulthood outright." John biting an apple, symbolizing the act that cast Adam and Even from Eden. Rose breaking a bottle, the act of christening a boat, and an item integral to the main means by which she relates to her mother, alcohol - an adult substance. Dave hatching an egg, literally the act of bringing new life into the world. Jade shooting an effigy of her dog, both symbolic of Old Yeller, and of breaking a pinata, an act often done at quinceneras.

There comes a point in childhood where the child stops being a child - the safe, familiar, comfortable world that they knew stops existing, and they can never get it back. They are thrust into a world that is alien and massive, and forced to grapple with the weight of their future duties. They deal with losing their guardians and finding direction in their absence. They must decide how they want to grow up, and then are responsible for shaping the society that comes after them. In other words, SBURB/SGRUB in this metaphor represent adolescence.

Within that context, God-tiering is actually interesting because it symbolizes adulthood - a semi-permanent state that a child is supposed to reach at the end of their SBURB/SGRUB journey. And, in fact, it's treated that way - none of the characters reach god-tiering the "proper" way... and of our god-tiered characters, nearly all of them have some sort of emotional struggle with growing up too fast. Vriska with the expectations of her shitty society, Rose with her emulation of her mother, Dave with his abusive brother, and the Alpha kids with substance abuse (the jujus) and romantic drama.

Anyway, sometimes when Mario's running sideways he gets a star that makes him magic and invincible. OH. YOU MEAN HE BECOMES TRICKSTER MARIO. Yes, but less stupid. So for a while he becomes flashy and hyperactive and nothing's challenging anymore. He just starts barreling over mushrooms and leaping over pits as fast as he can, then gets to the end and jumps on the flagpole and that's it. Mario "wins". But the point is, he didn't really win. That magic star was actually devastating to his development as a human being. WHY. Because he skipped over many critical trials on his spiritual journey. Mario NEEDS to stomp on all those mushrooms. He NEEDS to bonk those bricks with his head, for the sake of his personal growth. By using the star, he is denying himself many powerful moments of catharsis.

Like... I dunno... seems pretty blatant to me!

So with Homestuck so firmly being a coming of age, and with the Dancestors - whose primary failure is that of unrelenting immaturity - being cast in an antagonistic role, doesn't that make Caliborn's position of ultimate final boss extremely fitting when we take this conversation into account?

You may be destined for bigger things, but you’re still an atrocious, stupid child. And you may have won the “game” with your sister, but that doesn’t mean it was the best thing for your development as a person. You had her dream self killed, which is not an opportunity your species typically gets. So she died prematurely, instead of allowing the conflict within you to settle itself naturally. In short, you forced your predomination to happen a little too early, and now you’re stuck. STUCK? Yes. Your personality is stuck in some sort of cantankerous prepubescent limbo. You are going to be a stunted, miserable tool forever.

He's literally a child who chose to stunt his own growth so that he could reap all the game's rewards for himself. Someone who so stubbornly desired the selfish, greedy, and immature option that he was willing to hurt himself to achieve it. Caliborn - and by extension, Lord English - is a direct symbol for the refusal to mature, to be kind, to care about other people. By including Dirk, Gamzee, and Equius at their worst, he also comes to represent misogyny, toxic masculinity, the patriarchy. He's the Condesce's master, and so by extension, he represents fascism and oppression; as Doc Scratch, he gets off on abusing girls, and so he also represents predators and abusers. And his goal is to perpetuate himself, his ideals, what he symbolically represents, down every successive generation. Much like how these cycles of abuse and oppression seek to perpetuate themselves in the real world!

And that's why the alpha timeline, the GAME OVER timeline, is the way that it is: it's one where Lord English WINS. In Lord English's version of the story, everything is fucked up forever. He might be defeated, as is the timeline's inevitability, but his politics, his bigotry, and his ideals live on.

Except.

Our Breath player gains a power that literally unsticks him from time.

Now, personally, I don't believe that the ending we got is the one that was originally intended. I don't feel the need to elaborate upon that here, but suffice to say, given how clearly and consistently these themes are set up throughout the entire rest of the comic, it just makes sense to me that the ending we got, where characters stay dead, never finish their character development, etc. etc., is a MASSIVE tonal and thematic departure, which smacks of external pressures and influences. Everything after [S] GAME OVER is soft canon to me for this reason. But there's things that survive in it that are really really interesting, so I'll mention some.

First, the pre-retcon versions of the characters still exist, as we see from (Vriska). That means that everyone who died in GAME OVER would not necessarily have stopped mattering to the plot. I firmly believe that the original ending would've seen Lord English confronted by the GAME OVER (characters), who would also have the most karmic claim to beating Lord English's face in. This would also satisfy his whole deal of playing by the rules - he knows he HAS to be defeated, he just gets to choose the circumstances of his defeat; without realizing that John's retcon powers can rewrite a timeline, he would've set up his own death to be in the bubbles, at the hands of the already-dead, while Condy claims the Ultimate Reward - thus making it so that he still wins in the end.

But Breath represents freedom, choices - and the retcon powers are something John gains mastery over after completing his personal quest, which we've established is directly tied, both literally and symbolically, into growing up and maturing. By becoming a kind, empathetic, mature adult, John is able to choose something else.

Second, that the Ultimate Self is brought up at all, which seems to me like it would mitigate the bittersweetness of the (characters) from GAME OVER staying dead - because, in my head, the original plan for the retcon was that it would bring everyone back, and therefore, all the (characters) from GAME OVER would live on through the surviving post-retcon gang, who will eventually achieve Ultimate Selfhood, as Davepetasprite^2 says they will. This would also directly mirror the words Godtier!Calliope gives to her counterpart:

CALLIOPE: bUt then... CALLIOPE: what shoUld i do? CALLIOPE: you don't need to do anything. CALLIOPE: be who you've become, and who i didn't. CALLIOPE: consume the fruits of an existence i could never understand. CALLIOPE: live.

Third, there's just so many outstanding plot threads, even for the characters that DO survive. Jake's prophesized to defeat Lord English, Dave never actually gets over his hesitance about time travel and defeating Lord English, Karkat has multiple means of bringing his dead friends back to life and doesn't say anything, Vriska and Terezi still aren't 100% reconciled, Gamzee's tragedy is never addressed, Jane, Dirk, Jake, and Roxy never really figure out their situationship, etc. etc. etc. ... to say nothing about all the plot threads left dangling for the characters that stay dead.

And finally...

Isn't that just kind of a better story? One where the kids get to grow, change, learn from their mistakes, and create a better, kinder universe, after defeating the avatars of cruelty, oppression, and immaturity?

Is it just me? Haha.

[lov3rmir]

★ ° * . ` red lipstick smudge `

★ ° ` summary ` after buying a new brand of lipstick, you couldn't decide which you liked best. so you asked for assistance.. ★ ° .

★ * ` mail ` a little ooc alhaithem but not too much, got lazy at the end but i love this <3

AL-HAITHAM—

The acting grand sage was drowning in his work. The pile of paper seemingly never ending, it didn't help he haven't seen you in a while. al haitham missed your scent, the calming yet fresh scent you always wore. The more he thought of you, the more his desire to see you grows. Alas, his duties calls yet again.

You however, had a much more troublesome duty. You had bought two lipsticks, one of which nilou recommended you and another which you had waited for its restock. Now that you had saved up and could afford both, you didn't know what to wear first. It was a dilemma of utmost importance, but you had no one to help you with.

Nilou was busy with the rehearsals, candace was too far to just ask about a lipstick and dehya was off somewhere. You couldn't find the traveler either, nor kaveh. So you decided on your trust worthy lover, The Acting Grand Sage.

Saying hello to the guards, you showed them the permission slips alhaithem gave you if you wanted to visit. This was much easier than to have to go through a whole line. Knocking softly on the doors, his voice invited you in.

“ come in. ” here he was, buried in a pile of paperwork, you almost missed him if his strand of hair wasn't stickin out from his grave. “ busy aren't you? ”

You voice made him look up, for a moment he thought he thought he was imagining it. Maybe all those numbers and words formed his desire and there you stood. But he knew better, that blinding smile can never be mistaken for fake.

He smiled at you, “ what brings you here? ” he asks. You walk over to him showing him the two items who made your hair turn grey. “ I'm having trouble deciding. Can you help, oh Grand Sage? ”

“ Acting Grand Sage. There's a difference. ” he frowned, this made you chuckle, ” yes, yes. Can you help me? Acting Grand Sage? ” he huffed, nodding to you.

You sat where there was space on his desk, smiling and showing him the two different lipstick. “ I'm having second thoughts on which i should use first. Do you think you can help me? ” you tilted your head. Al-haitham stared at you becore taking one of the two you held. He kept staring at it for a good while, you started sweating.

“ turn around. ” you blinked. “ what? ”

“ i said turn around. I have an idea. ” you knew he didn't like repeating himself, so you did as told. “ i dont get why i need to turn around. ” he stayed silent. It wasn't until a moment later you taped you on the shoulder.

Turning around you were about to question him when you felt his lips on yours. They lstayed there for a while, al-haitham had your eyes covered by his hand. And you knew, he definitely felt the redness on his hands. You could feel the smirk he had.

Before long, he stood back. A smile on his face. “ this one suits you best. ” you didn't understand what he meant until he wiped some smudge off his lip. Realization struck you. He wore your lipstick. And he—

Your face heated up. Words failing to form a sentence, you nodded and toke the lipstick. Walking away in a daze. Al-haitham watched you stumble a few time before reaching the door. He called out “ Leave your schedule open tomorrow, I'll have a reservation ready. Wear the lipstick too. Unless you want me to hel— ”

“ NO! Thank you! See you tomorrow! ” you left in a hurry, your face now hotter than ever. Everyone gave you look but ignored you. This isn't the first time you came out of the Acting Grand Sage all flustered.

Al-haitham however, was in his desk. A new found determination to finish all his work before your date. The lipstick still present on his lips.

©— lov3rmir. 2023.

★— @elychee * @eenie-teenieweenie * @simplyxsinned ...★

[lilacstro]

pac: messages from universe

back with another pac, trying to post as much ideas I had last week haha. choose between two piles today, i felt to do two instead of three irdk why, sincerely hoping it resonates.

paid readings are open :)

pile 1 pile 2

support me on ko-fi :)

Pile 1

"discontent" with wherever you are currently it seems. Very simple and clear messages coming through. I feel you all are holding on to something, some mindset, some unaligned person or something like that, which could be holding you back. I feel there is lack of appreciation for what situation you are in currently, you all are very out of touch with your higher inner self, your feminine and receptive side, trying to "justify" wrong feelings and things. The message for you is to go back to home. The lyrics coming up "home, let me go home, home is wherever I am with you", and you here, is yourself pile 1. dont be so caught up and hurried that you disconnect yourself from yourself and being. Don't be hurried to start something new, go to your destination skipping beats, worried and in a haste about the future or the thoughts that you are behind. No you are not. You are where you should be, and you will go through your destination through a journey, which will help you grip on the things you have been asking for. Universe is literally lending its hand to you, guiding you through your purpose and desires. Take inspired actions, talk to your loved ones, and embrace the season you are in, it wont be the same in a while. A manifestation for you is about to come true. If something was removed from your life or your life feels empty, you are about to receive what you have always wanted, the one that aligns with you, universe is making space for it in your life. Have a hold of yourself for now, try not to sulk if you are, and i promise you, you will be rewarded for putting your trust in the universe. A message coming through is a quote from buddha, "the dirt of the mind settles on its own", i heard a knock on my door as im writing this, something/someone is about to show up for you soon! also, consider going out, sitting in the sun. i also had a feeling you are struggling to make a choice of sorts, you are likely to get advice from someone, or as i may say, please take an advice from someone you trust.

Advices: 1. Stop and let it grow around you for a while. 2. anything you want, its out there somewhere 3. Make space for it 4.Rest, be gentle with yourself. 5. Content with what i already have 6. You are always shifting, and you can shift mountains too <3

I hope it resonated, all the best <33

Pile 2

The energy in this pile is so scattered, i mean different possibilities coming through. A possibility im getting for some of the people reading this pile is something changed overnight, something came crashing down. As soon as I was trying to comprehend this, my sister started singing, "you think, you'd never find another so pure, it ain't true, ain't true, ain't true, ain't no crying in the club hey hey, let the beat carry the tears as they fall baby" this is crying in the club by camilla cabello

another set of people seem to be doing relatively good, some of you might also be working on their goals and purpose with sheer determination.

Regardless of your situation, your message is clear, "your hard work will be rewarded, and everything would be so happy and joyous, it will be better than expected". if someone here was working for a family related problem or for their family, you guys would celebrate the good times coming together, its victory for you!! I definitely think there is a lot of love and harmony from the angels and higher deities you believe in, as if they are looking over you, and if you are not there yet, I see your angels will guide you through, helping you achieve the happiness you deserve. I see some of you could be meeting a partner sent from divine, something your guides would orchestrate for you. If not, then someone, maybe friends or family coming together for a celebration of some sorts, If you are even feeling stuck at the moment pile 2, its extremely short lived, this will blow out much faster than you think. If you are afraid about some important communication coming through, be assured whatever happens will happen for your highest good. I hope you all can keep on hanging in there, don't make a mess out of confusing yourself, stand firm in yourself and take actions you feel you need to take. An opportunity for travel coming through, for others, you are closing out cycles, and going to something new in your life. Release the old baggage that you don't need then, and resolve all your feelings. An advice for you is to connect with earth, maybe walk on soil and grass barefoot, maybe sit in a lotus pose and do meditations on ground. Happy times ahead for you<3 universe is just preparing you for that it seems.

Advice: 1.Ride the wave, see where it takes you 2.Find balance 3.Make the best of it 4.You have support, trust and release 5. Listen quietly 6. Its okay to feel feelings :)

I hope this resonated for you pile 2, i love you.

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Now that I've gained a basic knowledge of Judaism and Jewish people I notice stuff non-jewish people don't. My mom still hasn't clocked the mezuzah on our neighbour's lintel and I am fairly confident she never will, as she ignores the very existence of that ritual object. I don't plan on telling her, I dont know if it's misguided or not but divulging someone's Jewish to a non-jew just feels wrong, it's a breach of trust and privacy but moreover it's just potentially putting the person in danger you know?

Additionally, one week ago, I explained to my mom what tzitzits were, cause someone wearing them was driving their scooter so fast the tzitzit were flying and it made me laugh, so I had to explain. She sighed, saying I knew really weird stuff and it seemed like I was being converted to something. A claim of which she ignores the sheer irony and hilariousness of. Because Yeah. Sure. I'm being converted into Judaism. That's something the Jews do, proletizing. Everyone knows how eager Jewish people are of converting people. /j

More seriously, the amount of ignorance for saying that sentence astounds me.

I don't know where I am going with this. I guess I feel weird noticing stuff and not being able to share cause people always have weird reactions to my basic knowledge. I don't even want to imagine what their reactions would be if I told them I was converting (which I'm not I'm just saying an hypothetic scenario).

All of that made me think of actual converts who probably experience a similar liminal space at one point, a space of knowledge and recognition, while still being out of the Jewish tribe. Merely noticing more and more as they walk the path to Mount Sinai.

Oh, absolutely. I absolutely resonate with this, especially because I'm (to non-jews) visibly jewish. I use myself as an example because I don't like assuming things, but...

To non-jews, you're a jew if you've associated with jews. It reminds me of a few weeks back, I attended shul and a xtian lady who also attended asked me how I was jewish (please try not to do this if you've just met someone - it was awkward for me to explain. I'm grateful that the reform shul both welcomes non-jews and that they attend shul, too, it was just awkward). Even pointing out hechshers had somebody saying that I "looked jewish," so it's obvious why I knew what the OU stamp meant. To me, that's 101-level of judaism and it still had somebody like "oh, you're a jew I guess." For better and for worse, non-jews tend to not care about judaism or jewish culture unless they have someone close to them that is jewish/jewish adjacent/whatever it might be.

All of this is to say I empathize with what you're saying, and I've got experiences really similar - which is why I freak out when non-jews actually care. It's like "thank you!". I don't have too many non-jewish followers however, I see every one of you and love you, and hope that we can create a better world together🩵

[turnstechgodhead]

Le sign... speaking of the server,

dirk is encouraging me to be more firm on my own thoughts for my comfort

i've seen ppl talk about it in stream a lil which im always like I Don't Care when it pops up but i've had Enough and i want to talk about the topic bc it's itching at my brain follicles.

since we're pretty strider-oriented, this had to happen at some point: strider cest/strilonde cest/in cest wont be allowed in the main server. if other people don't care, i might make a separate server.

-"hey why is that ^ something you would allow? pretty insane." / "are you a pro shipper then??"

no

"so you're an anti?"

also no

i dislike this argument as a whole bc i don't 'get it' i guess because im audhd. neither side is fully correct nor fully wrong.

"fiction affects reality." and "fiction is not reality." are two different thought processes that can and should coexist in the same space.

look. fiction can affect reality, but it IS also possible to separate from it. you can para or whatever responsibly. tag it. try to make sure people who don't want to see it don't have to see it. and if minors are getting sent your shit, make sure its clear that this should NOT be happening in reality. if you're a child, keep that shit blocked. it's NOT for you and you should not be actively consuming it. (please listen to this advice bc i grew up on the internet barely supervised, from a very unhealthily early age [7-8] and then developed into a fucked up hypersexual.) (seeing something fucked up and being like AUGH my eyes! is normal because that just. happens. thats life. you deal with it afterwards in some way. talking to someone you trust etc. you do not go back for more i am begging.) (if someone is showing you these things on purpose then please read this website all the way through for me ok?)

you should not be looking at an adult exploring/enjoying fucked up shit

videogames are not going to make you or me more violent by having violence, gore, and murder in them. but videogames DO make some people violent. those people should not have access to these things. but we (you and i) cannot control that beyond making sure content is labelled and set aside. i like playing games where i assassinate people. i am not an assassin. someone could play the same game and get terrible ideas they act on. this is not my fault for playing the game.

and, if you're an adult who likes fucked up shit (me too) tag your shit or have it listed somewhere on your about that it's something you post about frequently there. and maybe reiterate that it's not real. its just toys. and should never be followed irl. yeah, it fuckin sucks that we gotta do this shit, but kids are unfortunately on the internet, with the inability to differentiate grey from black and white. your shit might be the first exposure. which sucks!! so it's our responsibility to try and mitigate harm on both sides unfortunately until we can convince parents to start parenting their children again. which sucks. i just wanna post shit in peace but the buzzing around from very loud teenagers makes me anxious. i get it.

it fucking sucks!!! but we can't control other people, especially if theyre malicious

but you control what YOU see on the internet. block anyone. (i blocked someone back in the day for disliking johndave. be free.) and help people do that (control what they see) by making it very clear. you aren't evil for not wanting to see it, and other people aren't evil for enjoying fucked up content.

also some of yall on BOTH SIDES do some truly vile shit in the name of this argument when your energy could be spent elsewhere doing shit you like or even doing things that are actually. Helpful.

so i don't like either label i dont want to be associated with either of the sides but if you want to call me one or the other then . Whatever i guess? thats your business, not mine. just know you are not a failure or a freak for not constantly reinforcing and reassuring everyone that you think adults doing their own thing in fictional spaces with little toy dolls (that theyve been doing since the 70s-80s) is gross. you can just think that like. in general and look away because the dolls are dolls. but don't go posting doll horn-knees untagged. that's rude as fuck.

[skyechild]

Slut me out

𖤐 pairing: Minghao x reader x Jeonghan (M/M/F) 𖤐 genre: smut and some angst, 𖤐 warnings: Its only sensory deprivation and some jealousy 𖤐 kinks: Sensory deprivation, 3some 𖤐 wc: 5.4k 𖤐trope/au: est r/s, non!idol 𖤐 summary: You trusted Minghao with your life, even blindfolded. But your mutual friend Jeonghan? Not so much. He didnt do anything too bad other then the occasional tease, there was something that made you almost, cautious. 𖤐 notes: This is part of my 14 days of kinktober, i have no muse for ateez rn because svt has taken over my life currently... 𖤐 tag list: @cultofdionysusnet / @stravvberrymilksan / @spooo00oky / @kwanisms /

You hadn't expected it when Minghao sat you down that night, lacing your fingers together and taking a spot next to you, one foot up on the couch to face you. "You know Jeonghan right?" You nodded, eyes narrowing. "Yes...hes Shua's best friend. What does this have to do with me?" You frowned. "Did something happen?" Minghao shakes his head, shushing you gently before you could panic too much. "He's fine, everyones fine." He murmured, stroking the back of your hands.

Nodding you scooted closer. Minghao's body was always warm but his hands were always cold. You had always teased him for it but you werent focused on that. "You remember how we were thinking of...making sex more lively right?" You had a feeling you knew where this was going, eyes locked on his, talking with your eyes. Mentioning Jeonghan, then mentioning your sex life? You pulled your hands away a bit.

"You want to bring Jeonghan into this?" You scooted back to your original spot. "You want him to join us?" You clenched your hands once you pulled them away from him. "Hao thats..." You looked down at his hands which twitched, wanting to reach out to you. "Did you already talk to him about it?" At the others silence you bit your lip. "Why not Shua? Or even Jun? Hes your best friend..." You mumble. "Of all people...Jeonghan?" You knew you were sounding rude and jealous but you didnt care.

The green monster was here and was biting at your being. You both nonly talked once about bringing someone into an intimate space with you, and he chose Jeonghan? Out of all 12 of his friends. "Minghao...you know Jeonghan and i dont get along well." Thats an understatement. Youre constantly at the elders throat while hes teasing you constantly, warranting the (one sided) fights. You wanted to throw something, anger joining the jealousy.

You didnt want anyone seeing Minghao like you did. Even if it was once and never again. "You invaded my, no our bedroom and privacy, to the one man who wont let it go?" By now Minghao has figured out hes fucked up. Youre not using 'Hao' or any nickname for him. It shoots an arrow through his heart. You let out a sigh and he watches you, wanting you to meet his eyes.

"...I trusted you." Its like another arrow in his chest but when you look up at him your eyes are soft. "Its because i trust you and how much i love and adore you..." The suspense is killing him and he wants to tell you to hurry up. "I'll do it this once. But i had hard limits i want to talk about with both of you." He nods as he grabs his phone, ready to send the text. "Dont do this again." Your voice is firm as you look at him, frowning lightly. Once he sends the text he holds your hands again, sighing at the relief of your skin against his.

Its about fifteen minutes later that theres a knock on the door, pulling you both from your conversation. You stand up before Minghao can, walking over to the door and opening it. "Say anything and ill send you home." Your cut off whatever the older was about to say and his mouth snaps shut with an almost audible click. You walk back to the couch and stand behind it, leaning against Minghao who was sitting back.

His head moved to press against your stomach, eyes watching you before looking back at Jeonghan before youre talking again, your hands on his shoulders. "Make one thing clear tonight." You start "Minghao is in charge once we are in the bedroom. He is mine." You state and Minghao wants to smirk at the possessiveness in your voice. "Second of all, youre not to talk, at all." Jeonghan frowns. "Unless we talk to you." His frown lessens a bit.

"Hard limits." You start, pointing at the chair thats across the couch. "Sit there." He follows, eyes on you once he sits. "You are not to kiss me, any part of me, nothing." You hold up a finger. "You are to follow Minghaos directions." You hold up a second finger. "If you cant keep your mouth shut, i will gag you." Jeonghans brows shoot up, in almost surprise. "Safe word is Berry." Your tell him. "You will wear a condom. Im clean and Hao is clean. But you wear a condom because i dont know where your cock has been, and i dont care to know."

You hum, a hand on Minghaos head. "I'll be blindfolded, but i will know the difference between you and Hao." You stroke his hair, nails brushing against his skin softly. "This is only happening once." You narrow your eyes at the other. "I dont take orders from you, i barely take orders from Hao sometimes." You havent noticed that your boyfriends eyes have closed, head still resting against your stomach.

But when you do look down you notice and it causes you to smile softly at him and Jeonghan almost envies the look you give him. So full of love and adoration, only for your eyes to turn hard once they lock with his. "Ill let you stay long enough to come down from your high. Maybe ill let you eat because id feel bad making you leave afterwards." You take a breath and its only then that Jeonghan notices the nerves hiding behind that attitude before you speak again. "Would you like a drink first? Or just get started?"

He blinks before looking down at your hand that hasnt stopped stroking Minghao's hair. "A drink first would be nice?" Its a question and you nod, leaving Minghao to grab the wine.

Leaving Minghao's presence is like pulling gum from hair or running through quick sand, almost impossible. You didnt believe in soulmates but if you did, youd fight to prove Minghao was yours. Everything seemed brighter whenever you were around him, even the stormiest days.

Handing Jeonghan a glass of wine you motioned him to follow before grabbing Minghao's hand, tugging him up off the couch. "Hao c'mon." You whispered, smiling when he looked up at you. "Its time." You let Jeonghan follow behind as you led the way to the bedroom, opening the door you let both men walk into the room. From the way Jeonghan was already almost done with the wine you figured (hoped) he was nervous.

You sat on the bed as Minghao dug out a box from under the dresser and placing it on top. You took that moment to slip off your shirt before you turned to look Jeonghan when your boyfriend was rifling through the box. "Take off your shirt." You stood up from the bed and walked towards him, taking the empty glass and setting it aside before jerking your chin towards the bed. "Sit." You commanded.

You've heard from rumors that Jeonghan had good dick game but you never paid attention. Never cared but now you hoped they werent lying. You cocked your head to the side as he sat down, a smirk on his lips as he didnt bother to remove his shirt, leaning back on his hands. Your eyes narrowed. "Maybe you should be the one blindfolded if you're going to be a brat." Your snapped, walking back towards Minghao and looking for a red silk blindfold and picking it up once you found it and looking at your boyfriend for permission.

"Can i use this on Jeonghan?" He frowned a bit. That was one of his favorite to put on you, it looked perfect against your skin. He shook his head and handed you a black one. "This one. Red is for you." You nodded, trading the blindfolds and walking to Jeonghan and setting it beside him on the table.

You had taken a quick look at what your boyfriend had pulled out while you were busy with the other. A red lace blindfold that you might be able see out of (It was his favorite), headphones and a gag. You would say no to the gag and Minghao knew that. You both never used it so you knew it had to be for the other.

You slipped onto Jeonghans lap, leaning over to grab the blindfold once settled. "You have a few choices for now. Blindfold, the gag Hao has out or you listen to orders." You spoke, grinding down on his cock and smacking away his hands when he tried to touch. "Add cuffs to that. You can only touch if you behave and so far you havent." You smiled down at him as you sat up on your knees. "Now. Shirt off. Dont make me ask again." You tilted his chin up, looking down at him. It didnt matter that he was older then both of you. Age went out the window for you and Hao when you were in the bedroom.

You smiled bright once he moved to take off his shirt even if his eyes screamed reluctance. "Good boy." You murmured softly before standing up infront of him. "Jeonghan, do you have any hard limits?" You spoke, focusing on the other as Minghao came up behind you, setting the items on the bedside table before wrapping his arms around your waist.

"No marks." You nod. "Glad we have that in common." You leaned back into your boyfriends chest, his head resting on your shoulder. "No degrading names." You hum, mentally checking it off your list. He was quiet for a moment. "What if i want your lips on my body?" You were almost surprised. You had said you didnt want his lips on you but this you werent expecting. You turned your boyfriend, quietly checking in if he would be ok with it.

"I can be ok with that." He spoke and you smiled, kissing his temple. "Is that all?" When he nodded you gave him a small smile. "If you remember anything, just say berry if you want us to pull away fully. Everything stops and it ends there, its the safe word. We use the traffic light system too. Red is stop, give it a moment until you feel ready to continue. Yellow is slow down and check in, green is good to go." He nods.

"Now...are you going to listen or be a brat?" You watch as he seems to think about it. "Ill be as good as i can." You sigh but nod, letting Minghao hold up the blindfold to your eyes. "Do you want to wait til youre on the bed?" You trusted Minghao with everything so you shake your head, holding onto his wrists as he wrapped it around your head, a small kiss being pressed against the side of your head before hes guiding you over to the bed next to Jeonghan.

Minghao's hand brushes against your stomach before they land on your thighs carefully. "Are you ready love?" You hum. "Can i have my head on the pillow?" Jeonghan watches as Minghao helps you move up the bed. "Colour?" You smile, hands sliding up his arms to his shoulders. "Green Hao, im ok." He smiles before he turns to the elder. "You cant do anything with your pants still on." He stands up straight, hands leaving your skin and you have to hold back a whine.

He chuckles softly at the soft huff that leaves you. He slips off his shirt easily and you almost sigh because you know how Minghao moves, hes smooth and careful. Jeonghan seems a bit more rough and less fluid, so when the sound of something hitting the floor echoes you know its from Jeonghan. Said male shuffles closer to you before he stops. "Can i touch?" He isnt quite sure who hes asking. You for consent or Minghao for permission.

You nod but you dont hear Minghao, you assume hes nodded because warm hands land on your stomach. Minghao's were usually cold. You lift your hands, one landing in soft hair and the other reaching in the direction you believe your boyfriend is in. "Dont worry about me my love. Let Jeonghan pleasure you." You pout quietly but nod, your other had landing on Jeonghan's shoulder as his hands roam your skin.

One hand slides up your chest before around to your back, when you arch your back he assumes thats a go ahead and unhooks your bra. He chuckles at the unconscious, pleased sigh and the relax back on the bed. His other hand grazes over your breast, thumb brushing against your nipple, your breath hitching.

You cant lie, his hands to feel good but you dont get the jolt of cold and the shivers from Minghao's touches, that was one of your favorite parts. Especially when there was a blindfold added. You sigh once his hands push your thighs apart. You strain your ears to listen as you hear the floorboards creak. "Hao?" You heard him chuckle. "Still here love, im not going anywhere." You relaxed a bit and let Jeonghan continue the soft, barely there touches.

Minghao grabbed the head phones before walking back to the bed, sitting by your side. "My love? Im going to put headphones on you. Is that ok?" He takes a hand, letting you touch the headphones carefully. You wont be able to hear them and while it excites you, it makes you a bit nervous. "Can i keep a hold of your hand?" You didnt exactly hate being that defenseless and you knew Minghao would control Jeonghan.

The elder had stopped touching you as you spoke. So you can be this cute? He smiled softly as he watched you carefully once Minghao spoke up. "I wont leave the room." He states before he hums quietly. "I wont go far either. I know youre iffy about this, but Jeonghan is here too, just incase." Jeonghan gently squeezes your thigh at the mention of his name before he glances at the other, silently asking for permission to talk.

A nod makes him turn back to you. "I know i always tease you, but im not going to let anything happen to you, especially in here." He adds to Minghao's soothing words, watching you relax a bit more. "One of us will always be touching you in some way." Jeonghan glances at Minghao, as if making sure. Minghao nods but raises an eyebrow, quietly filing it away for later use.

"If you dont want them just let me knew and we dont use them. If you do want them then dont later tell us. I wont be mad" Minghao strokes your hair carefully, letting you mull over it. "Ok. For now yes. As long as you guys keep your word that someone will always be touching me." Minghao smiles, you can feel it when he presses his lips to your cheek.

"Good girl." It gets your own lips to turn up into a smile. Jeonghan notes that you seem to prefer praise before he watches Minghao put the headphones on you, taking your hands and placing them on Jeonghan. Back in the position they were in, in his hair and on his shoulder. His skin is just as warm as his hand and you sigh softly. Youre a bit more tense with the headphones on but Jeonghan turns to Minghao. "Can i eat her out?" The other nods, chuckling softly. "Tap her pelvis before you start unless you want to be kicked in the side. She knows what it means." He nods before turning back to tug on your shorts, pulling them off along with your panties once you understand.

Jeonghan doesnt ask lots of question about your bedroom activities and Minghao quietly thanks him in his head. Jeonghan shifts, a hand staying on your thigh once yours slips off of him, calming you before you can panic. He taps your pelvis and you squirm a bit at the thought. While Jeonghan was always bullying and bothering you, his actions were followed by him licking his lips, toying with a canine or pushing his tongue against his cheek. Needless to say, you were curious about what he could do with his tongue.

He grins at the squirm you do before pushing your legs apart, moving to lay on his stomach between your thighs. He fights back a groan at the sight. You werent soaked but he remembers there being a small wet patch on your panties before he removed them. Jeonghan rests your thighs on his shoulders, gripping the tops of them incase you were to try and move away. Your hands land in his hair after a small search and he grins wider, blowing on your clit softly, the cold hair a sharp contrast to the touch touches you had been getting.

You jerked away but didnt get too far. Minghao took a seat in front of the bed after laying out some toys just incase. "You can use those if youd like. Make sure to guide her hand to them before." He nods, throwing a glance at the toys before his attention was stolen by your pussy again. Licking his lips he slipped his tongue between your folds, lapping up the arousal that was there and getting a small sigh of pleasure from you.

He nodded at the reaction before he flicked the tip of his tongue against your clit before sucking on it right after, getting a pretty whine from you. That was what he wanted. Jeonghan hummed against your clit before he started sucking on your folds, adding to the wet mess. His eyes closed once he got into a steady rhythm, fingers moving to spread your folds. The moans and whines were making him hard, his hips moving in small movements against the bed.

Jeonghan used one hand to keep your folds spread while his other joined his tongue. His tongue had dipped into your entrance, everytime he had it pulled out a high pitch moan and a tug on his hair which would gain a low moan from him. His fingers pushed into your entrance, humming against your clit once he sucked it into his mouth harshly, getting a sharp moan from you. Your hips were wiggling and Jeonghan nipped at you folds in warning causing you to yelp.

"Hannie please..." Your words are slurred and a bit loud but when he curls his fingers just right your legs try to shut around his head and your back arches. He presses against that sweet spot inside you as your leg jerks, rubbing the area quickly. Minghao watches, almost impressed with how fast he was riling you up. Jeonghan cooed at the cry of his name. He angled his hand so his thumb could rub small aggressive circles on your clit before leaning down and catch your arousal in his mouth when you came with a sharp cry, gripping his hair tightly.

He rubs your thigh as you come down, free hand gently sliding in and out still. He adds a third finger, stretching you out. "Do you want to go first?" He turns to Minghao who shakes his head and throws two condoms on the bed. "Youre the guest tonight. Enjoy your time before i take her back." Jeonghan has to prevent himself from rolling his eyes before his attention is brought back to you who whimpers, chest heaving from your orgasm.

He barely notices Minghao come closer until he sits by your head, his hand around his cock. "Roll her on her stomach for me." He speaks, eyes watching you carefully as Jeonghan nudges your hip, pulling you up onto your hands and knees. He chuckles quietly when you flail a bit. Minghao grabs your hand. "Wait." He stops. Jeonghan is confused before he notices that hes probably waiting for a signal from you. He assumes he got one because he pulls the head phones off "Good?" You nod and position yourself more comfortably.

"Its not you Jeonghan, not being able to hear raises my anxiety, being blindfolded helps a bit." You soothed the other before he had a chance to open his mouth. He nods with a soft smile, tapping your outer thigh gently, discreetly wiping off your wetness on your thigh at the same time. He lets you and Minghao settle before hes behind you, a grin on his lips and how adorable you look, even while in this position.

Your head was in Minghaos lap, still blindfolded but with a bit of vision from where it had slipped a bit, the other having tossed his pants at some point. His hands were in your hair, stroking through it while he licked his lips. The look in his eyes were a mix between adoration, lust and love. Jeonghan almost felt like he was interrupting something. Your head rested against his thigh, grinning up at Minghao.

It looked like you were asking for permission even thought you were blindfolded. Minghaos thumb brushed across your forehead. "Jeonghan is our guest tonight. Why not ask him for permission once?" Your grin twitched, falling into a close lipped smile before you turned to face the male before you, trying to see through the red lace.

"Can i?" Jeonghan wanted to make you beg for it, but the way you had acted earlier made him weary of doing a lot. He knew you had a high dislike for him but he hummed. "I suppose so. But why dont you get him fully hard first." It almost sounded like a question, his gaze flickering to Minghao's who nodded in approval. He smiled softly as he looked at you, nodding as he jerked his chin towards Minghao, almost forgetting you couldnt see him. "Suck." You smile back at him unconsciously and Jeonghan makes note of how pretty it is because you never smile at him that way. It was either forced, a grimace or a mocking smile.

You turned your attention back to Minghao whos smile had changed into a smirk from what you could see, it made you clench around nothing in anticipation, catching Jeonghans attention making him bit his lip. You loved Minghao's smirk. He took your distraction to stroke the skin of your lower back and ass with one hand while grabbing and opening a condom. You were very set on him using a condom and he wasnt about to complain.

Once he had rolled it on he groaned lightly as he pumped his cock a few times. You had to admit, it was a pretty sound. You pressed a wet kiss to the side of Minghaos cock, echoing back his hum. You slid your tongue around the rim of his head, teasing the underside. Minghao let out a sigh, stroking your hair. His was focusing on Jeonghan behind you, wanting to know when to expect him.

Jeonghan's cock was long and pretty, slimmer then Minghao's but a bit longer while Minghao had girth. He grinned when you jolted forward at the touch of Jeonghans cock against your folds. Jeonghan loved it, loved watching you jolt everytime he brushed his cock against your clit, using your wetness as lube. He hummed, pressing the head in a bit. You sucked on the tip of Minghao's cock softly, soft kitten licks against his slit. Warm hands landed on your hips, thumbs stroking your ass as he slowly pushed in more at the same time you were taking more of your boyfriend in your mouth.

Minghao sighed in pleasure, holding your hair back and out of your face. You whined against his cock at the small thrust Jeonghan gave to get the last two inches in, hips hitting your ass. A loud whine coming from the male behind you. You pulled off Minghaos cock, a broken moan leaving you. "How are you still so tight little one?" Youd let that nickname pass, you didnt like princess and he wasnt sure what nicknames were forbidden.

He waited there for a moment for you to adjust, small grinds seemingly helped as you ended up pushing back against him, a low groan leaving his lips. You adjusted, spreading your lips a bit more and groaning as Jeonghan slid a hand to your lower back and pushing, making your back arch more. "Holy fuck you look so pretty like this." It slipped out his lips before he could stop it.

You moaned at the praise, arching your back more for him and taking Minghao back in your mouth. Jeonghan felt like he was going to drool. Your back was arched and it was beautiful. Lets spread, back arched with your head down, and his cock sitting inside you. He huffed, pulling out a bit and jerking his hips forward. It drew out a choked moan from you from around Minghaos cock and a low whine from Jeonghan.

He wanted to call you princess so bad, he used it too much in a playful way he supposed. He always called you princess so of course youd think it was a mocking you. You were so close to having Minghao down your throat when Jeonghan gave a harsh test thrust and you gagged around him but moaned loudly, the thrust set off a chain reaction. Jeonghan moaned as you clenched around his cock, you gagged and moaned around Minghaos cock which caused him to hiss out a moan.

"If you clench this will be over a lot faster then i want." Jeonghan mumbled as he picked up the harsh thrusts he was giving, hitting that sweet spot inside you which made you cry out in pleasure, chest heaving as you panted, inhaling air before you took your boyfriend back in your mouth and down your throat with a furrow of your brows, throat relaxed. His hips jerked up, a low groan leaving his lips as he holds you there for a moment before. "Such a good girl."

Jeonghan whines as you clench around him. "Fuck, you really do like praise." He hufs, continuing to aim for that spot. Minghao nods, letting you come back up for air, small sounds being let out from every thrust once your mouth wasnt full. "Baby? Are you ready?" Minghao cooed and Jeonghan almost stopped if you hadnt jerked your hips back. "Yes." Jeonghan kept his pace but watched in curiosity. "Deep breath." He spoke before you took him back down your throat.

When you got to the base Jeonghan gave a harsh thrust in awe before he slowed down a bit, mouth dropping a bit in surprise once he noticed Minghao pinch your nose shut. You clenched around Jeonghan and he let out a high pitched cry before reaching around to rub your clit quickly. "Minghao can i cum?" It slipped out before Jeonghan could stop it, but it made the younger release your nose and let you come up to breath. "Good girl Y/n." He cooed quietly, watching as drool slid from your chin.

"You can come Jeonghan. But Y/n cant yet." Jeonghan whimpered, gripping your hips tightly with one hand as he continued rubbing your clit, hips moving at an unforgiving pace at the same time he was hitting your g spot. He watched as Minghao brushed some drool off your chin and Jeonghan cried out once his cum filled the condom, hips jerking erratically as he rode out his high. You bit your lip to hold back your orgasm, tensing your whole body. "Hao please? Please i need to cum." Hearing you beg made Jeonghan's cock twitch with interest and he groaned lightly. Jeonghan moved to go to the bathroom and discard the condom as you and Minghao finished.

You scrambled from your position, groaning before you sat down on Minghao's cock, shivering at the familiar feeling of his cock inside you. "Please...." Minghao huffed, groaning as he gripped your hips. "Fuck." He hissed, kissing at your neck as he nodded, thrusting into you from underneath. He held your hips down. "Cum with me baby." He whispered against your skin, biting down once he held you down against his hips, warm cum filling you as your release slid down his cock once you felt his teeth dig into your neck. He was for sure going to leave a mark and you hummed at the thought.

Jeonghan came back out with his boxers on along with some lotion and a wet washcloth in one hand and some water and a snack in the other. Placing both on the table he helped Minghao lay you down once the other gathered his energy. He wiped you down, giving an apologetic smile when you whimpered at the cloth against your sensitive pussy. "Sorry." He murmured. "Darling can you walk to the bathroom? You need to pee." You were still coming down from your high and you wanted to swat Jeonghan away like he was an annoying fly.

"Let my live in my high for a little bit." You mumbled, voice croaky from the abuse on your throat as you felt Minghao leave the bed to clean himself up. You let out a sigh as you swung yourself around, Jeonghan's hands beating you to untie the lace blindfold. You had to admit, Jeonghan was very good at after care. You smiled a bit once your vision cleared, coming face to face with the other as he helped you up. "I brough water and snacks for you." He said quietly as he helped you wobble into the bathroom where Minghao was.

You nodded, tossing him a small, grateful smile. "Thanks." He nodded, his own grin pulling at his lips before he went back to the bed, stripping the covers and pursing his lips, looking around for spare sheets. He found them in the closet in the hallway, a small smile on his lips as he remade the bed. He heard the giggles in the bathroom where he could hear the shower running. He debated on leaving but you did say he could stay, but he felt like he was intruding now, somewhere deep inside him he hoped you would be open to doing this again.

Leaning against the wall he took one of the three water bottles he had half juggled in. He slipped on his sweat pants, stretching his neck after he took a sip. It was a few minutes before you both emerged from the bathroom, clean and happy. "You changed the sheets?" You were surprised, eyes wide as you looked towards the bed then Jeonghan. The male nodded, almost shy at the attention. "Yeah...." He felt like he wasnt supposed to for a minute before the grin on your lips was wide and your arms were around his waist in a quick but tight hug.

"That was very nice of you, thank you." You smiled up at him as you pulled away, walking backwards into your boyfriends chest. Jeonghan chuckled softly. "Contrary to popular belief, i am good at aftercare." You feigned a gasp, returning the tease. "I wouldnt have known." Jeonghan covered his mouth teasingly.

Your view on the other had changed a bit, you werent cold towards him anymore, just returning his teasing instead of wanting to beat his ass everytime he spoke. He smiled brightly at the returned tease. "Maybe we will do this again." You glanced back at Minghao. "As long as you dont go behind my back again without me." You huffed. You were still a bit irritated but the whining the other had done while you both were in the shower washed it away.

"Sorry baby." He whispered, hugging your waist tightly, kissing your neck gently. Minghao took his time nuzzling your neck and peppering it in soft kisses. "I love you." Your whispered against your skin quietly, wanting only you to hear.

Jeonghan chuckled. "I've never seen him this touchy." You both shot glares at him. "Id hope not." You grumbled while Minghao huffed. It was quiet for a moment before Minghao looked up at the other. "Do you want to stay for food or take a shower so you dont smell like sex?" Jeonghan pursed his lips. He did smell strongly of sex and he knew the others would tease him if he came back without a shower. "It'd be nice, thank you."

Once he disappeared into the bathroom you turned in your boyfriends arms, slinging yours around his neck and playing with the hair on the back of his neck. "We should talk later." You spoke and he nodded. First you were going to eat, and then talk to them both.

[esoteriamaya]

TAROT OBSERVATIONS

Ahhh tarot, one of my fave things to talk about.

So I want to talk about a few cards that's been on my mind lately. Some times interpretations can be a little misguided, but overall I like to tell people to trust their gut. So without further a due we can get started on some things I've observed over the years.

Starting with..

7 of Cups

so the 7 of cups takes a focus on dreams and goals that one wants to embark on.. but wait.. which one do you choose? its so funny to me. Because its like each cup shows a different dimension on where your life could go. But only one is going to be the one that works the best at the moment. And the rest will follow. This is where a lot of confusion comes in when this card comes up in the reading, be it love, money, career... you name it. It's message to the reader is so that this person can choose ONE thing, so it can commit on the others little by little. Piece by piece. Giving your all to that one thing, and a little bit here and there to the others will help them grow much easier. If its in the matters of love, you might have too much on your plate, and should probably re-examine the wants and needs of your relationship in due time.

8 of Cups

Abundance. Time. And Commitment. Nothing comes fast and easy with this placement, and even if you don't have all the resources, someone will come along and will help you for the ride. Don't be ashamed to let people in when you dont know what works at the moment. You could use a helping hand even if you think you have it all together you know. with the 8 of cups, its simply asking us to feel determined in all that we do, because the reward is right around the corner.

The Empress

I love this one, which is why its the third one. The Empress shows creative magic, that is connected to the sacral chraka/womb space. The person who gets this card in any reading is shown to have deep resilience, luck, charm and an openess that brings people towards them. Even if they do not know this for themselves, they are seen as attractive individuals and its their auras that capture the attention of many. If you see this in a love reading, career reading or even a money reading, you have all the cards and should be using your energy to the fullest.

Queen Of Wands

This card shows an individual who is a boss, is top notch and knows what they want. If you get this card in a love, career, money reading etc. You gotta play your part as the leader in some way and to never run away from it. It shows a drive in the persona that could be very fiery in nature, and people tend to like this side of you. Could also show someone who can be great in what they do, and should be open to sharing that gift with everyone in the future.

8 of Wands

The 8 of wands is a bit fickle to me. It shows a lot determination at the start, like going back and forth on an idea and then coming to terms with it. This can show up as energy that can be fiery and has a need to 'go to war' for whatever it is that person desires. A lot of heavy lifting in my opinion.

Ace of Coins

Beneficial in a reading if you ask me. If you see this come up in any reading, be it love, money, career etc. You might get something special out of it. Like all that work paid off or something. Could be a new lover could be financial stable and you could benefit from this. Your new career could be bringing you a fortune, or you simply are in luck for some fun and money matters are going to be alright. So if you get this card this energy would be great to pull in a reading.

The Moon

The subconscious is the focal point here for me. It's really deep and can penetrate the reading in a whole new function, since its connected to water. I feel that getting this card in a love reading would show something you need to analyze a bit more, learning how to trust your gut and not going in head first all of the time. The moon card is indeed the mystic, and you could learn a lot about how your emotions plays a huge role in your reality at the moment.

The Sun

Excellence. A really lucky card. It shows that things will go great during this time and how your energy will be more lucky, confidence will be up, and life will show experiences that makes living all worth it. It could be a sign of celebration. In love, it could mean a happy, balanced couple. In career, this could be fortunate. It all depends on what you're looking to get into.

6 Of Coins

My generous card. When pulling this card, it shows an appreciation of material things and the heart. Its focus is on helping the ones you love, and being in a fortunate position and using that gift to work with the community in some way shape or form. It could also mean you might need to hold on to your coin a little longer, and not being a super spender just because you got it, you never know when you're going to need it for something good ;)

Thats it for now. Just wanted to try this new observation list and get started on more to come. Hope you lot enjoy!

[padfootastic]

No, tell us about the dorm parties and Lily finding out about them, pretty please

ooooh a tag question! love these too hehe

okay so. a lil bit of backstory: i had a semi-wild teen life, ykno? like. not as crazy as ~american high school movies but in the context of the country i grew up in? pretty unreal. there were parties and alcohol and weed and a lot of hooking up. so much petty drama. so much irreverence.

point is: i dont like it when teens are portrayed as some pure, untouched, prudish creatures who've never heard of fun or drugs or sex. it just doesnt fit with what i know.

and i fully believe that hogwarts--a boarding school where kids have MAGIC (which really just means unending possibilites)--was a place where the students went wilddd. one of the ways? dorm parties. u have these private spaces for just you and like. 5 others. u can do a shit ton with ur wand. why wouldnt u use it for parties ykno?

so yeah, i think the common room had larger parties after like. quidditch wins and end of exams, but bc its more people and more younger kids, u had to be more careful. dorm parties tho? smaller, more intimate, and ur with the people u know/trust so crazier shit will happen.

the marauders were invited to a lot of them in the girls dorms (and vice versa) and ykno. they went to a lot. bc teen boys and girls. it was all very scandalous--booze and short skirts and shirts unbuttoned off their shoulders and hazy smoke filling the room and lipstick marks smeared over chins and necks and the like--and incredibly fun. just kids being kids, yeah?

lily, though. i've long been playing w the idea that her friendship w snape (and chastisement of james--and sirius, to a lesser extent) came w a substantial social cost. her defending someone who was so shady didnt win her any points and i hc as her a person who hid her insecurity w self righteousness (on top of just. being a bit of an abrasive person) which didn't win her additional favors. so even her dormmates maintained a certain distance and the dorm parties didn't often include her. she only found out accidentally when she went up to the room it was happening in to get a book back and saw everyone buzzed out and dancing and more relaxed (intimate) than she'd ever seen.

it was genuinely a huge shock when she saw the boys sprawled across the room in varying stages of undress (james had a girl and a guy on a thigh each, arms wrapped around both waists; sirius was hanging upside down w a joint dangling from his lips and its a wonder he didnt choke himself to death) and she squeaked out of the room in a moment of severe cultural shock.

it was only later that she worked herself into moral outrage and just. hurt-filled anger type stuff, ykno? her roommates sort of had to give her a reality check in that moment. the marauders only blinked at her in bemusement, amused at her high-handed attempts to manage them.

[nahalism]

Do you struggle with boundaries when you love people? i think its the hardest part for me and i dont know how to navigate it to this day

i wouldnt say i struggle but i have moments lol. relationships are a part of life so it can be a reoccurring challenge that crops up when i least expect it. on the whole i do well, but there are times i hide behind avoidance, and other times where i fail to draw the line.

something that rly helped me (& i still practice) was taking the time to define who i am, what i need, what i like, and what i want, on my own. for example: what practices help me maintain good mental, emotional and physical hygiene? what actions do i need to take to attain my personal aspirations and goals? what do i like to do for fun and how do i like to do it? do i manage my time in a balanced way? how much of my day is allocated to tasks surrounding myself vs tasks centred around others? how often do i sidetrack my plans or alter my plans to cater to others? i have free time, but is it free time or me time? — that process got me familiar with what being in my own orbit, and living by my own preferences felt like. & having preferences (and the ability to assert them!) is literally all boundaries are.

having boundaries with yourself (knowing and respecting your preferences), creates self trust, self assuredness & the makes the desire to preserve that growing sense of self a priority. deeper than that!! it made acting according to my own desires feel normal. & that was so important cause nobody wants to be bad with boundaries, but i kept forfeiting mine for reasons that were so ingrained in me that i wasnt even aware of the exact moment id betrayed myself. building that relationship with myself made me aware of moments where id shrink myself, or moments when id presume that only certain parts of me would be accepted in the spaces i was in. because i knew that fuller version of me, i began to recognise how i would 'camouflage'. i could recognise when i was abandoning parts of myself or how id relinquish parts of my routine around certain people. only by being aware of those moments was i able to understand not just why i lacked boundaries, but the situational triggers for the relapses in my behaviour. — side note* it can be tempting to start with 'why' or get stuck on blaming circumstance for why we are how we are. but there is no shortcut for starting at step 1, which is starting with yourself. taking the time to get on a level with myself meant that i wasnt 'choosing' to have boundaries. i wasnt doing the work out of obligation, but because i really valued the time id shared with myself and really rated the person i discovered i was. i no longer wanted to let myself down or inhibit myself and short change me of a life experience i deserve. creating the space i provided for others, for myself, was a priority and a deep desire. without that as my anchor, the answer to why i acted the way i did wouldnt have mattered because id have never found the answer in myself. ultimately, any form of codependency / enmeshment with others / or forfeiting of boundaries, is based in fear. and usually that fear is of being alone, being unsafe, rocking the 'boat', a.k.a being alone, attacked, rejected, bullied or abandoned for being you. getting myself in order before trying to order how i interacted with others = a knowledge and comfort that i wasnt alone nor could i ever be. i felt safe with myself and sure that i could never be unwelcome out of the space i was holding for myself UNLESS i continued to alter myself for others or fail to assert myself when with others. once i tapped into that i could consciously show up even when it felt uncomfortable to do so, & even when i made/make mistakes and regress, i have a safe space to come back to and a foundation to move forward from.

i know you didnt ask for all this but i just wrote what came to me as a response (my baaaad that its long). i just feel like life sucks when we dont advocate for ourselves and so hopefully a pinch of whats working for me will work for you. it takes time & the road is windey, but its so worth it and the progress is certain. sending you a big hug & good luck 🫂

[razzmothazz]

rambling more abt nightcord and their theme because i just NEED to get it out if my system

i think nightcord is such beautifully constructed with its theme of healing because every character has someone specific helping them out most within the unit

idk how to explain it in general terms but basically

kanade struggles with overworking and not taking proper care of herself, her main help with this comes from mizuki! sure, others help out too but mizuki is the one who points out those self destructive behaviours the most [or at least from ehat i remeber] and this dynamic is so so beautifully shown specifically in carnation recollection

mizuki is the one telling kanade to take a break, but kanade is set on making another song for mafuyu despite being absolutely stuck. i think mizuki is the most clever out of the 4 specifically because of this event, since they knew kanade wont give up on it ever and decided to use a different approach to give her the deserved break and would also help her out in this situation. kanade would never have some time off if it wasnt for mizuki. thats how mizuki cares for her, by "tricking" her into taking one while also getting to spend nice time together and end up reminiscing.

this is such an important story because thanks to mizuki, a part of kanade got to heal.

mafuyu very obviously is mostly helped by kanade, who tries her very best and gives it literally her all to help mafuyu find herself, but she always gives mafuyu space when she needs it as well. i think since this one is most obvious i dont have to dwell on it too much but the love and care kanade has for mafuyu makes me soooo fucking insane like omg. kanade is the whole reason mafuyu even tries. shes the sole reason why mafuyu could get where she is now and didnt give up.

ena is a bit tricky, but surprisingly i think her helper is... mafuyu. i have honestly no clue how to explain what i mean at all, but seeing someone with so much talent and the "perfect" life be completely empty was so important to enas character. mafuyu makes painfully slow progress on her situation yet ena notices it, and she might not fully realize it but its helping ena take things easier with her art as well, which i think is shown very well in hope will someday go beyond the morning. mafuyu makes just a slightly different expression but ena still notices it, paralleled by enas art teacher noticing enas intent and emotion behind her art project. despite so many mistakes in the work on a technical level, it had soul. not to mention mafuyu indirectly helps ena be more understanding of others, which is very obvious when you compare how she was with mafuyu at first vs their current dynamic. mafuyu doesnt even know it but she inspires ena so so much not only in her art but to be better as a person.

and for mizuki, its also very obvious with main help coming from ena. pretty much every mizuki focus [<- exaggeration warning] will have ena trying her best to help mizuki out, and thanks to enas growth she can understand mizuki better and better and know how to deal with their issue. she thinks she needs to know the secret to know mizuki, but she learns that its not actually important, and she wants to show mizuki that as well. she constantly shows mizuki support and care weather they are willing to tell their secret or not, and in her own way wants to reassure mizuki that no matter what she wants to be there for them. ena helps mizuki so much that they even finally consider telling ena their secret, after like a year in canon if not longer!! which is such a huge deal because mizuki was convinced that telling ena someday they will tell what it is was completely a lie. they never had any intention to actually say what it is. but they grew so much and feel so safe around ena that the fact they even CONSIDERED IT implies so much healing, growth and trust. it makes me SOB. i am INSANE about mizuena. ena loves them SO MUCH its just so JSHSHDHYSHEIRUDHXHJSNB

okay im gonna stop here cause the tired is getting to me and i feel like i cant explain myself at all now but you get the point n25 care about eachother so much it makes me cry and punch walls and scream and drop to my knees on the floor in a dramatic way and explode and-

[socksandbuttons]

Bestie...us this to ramble about anything you like.

I'm tired but I want you to be happy.

OKAY SO u only have the full context but i get to ramble ALL I WANT AS U SAID SOOOO Im working on an au's design that i told you about. so far silhoutttes good i LOVE THEM. dying at this one concept CAUSE I LOVE IT SO MUCH HAVENT SEEN IT YET BUT SORT OF BUT NOT ENTIRELY. Anyway design wise 3/5 look good! i can work with them (its colors per usual bestie as u KNOW) the other two look too much like Vamp lunar and of eachother and im like ... i need to fix this cause vvamp lunar different (did u know i fleetingly considered using him for this??? i decided against it i like making new things) THEN THEN THERES MY OWN PIZZAPLEX AU which i havent touched in a while but i rmabled enough about it to you but i never showed off the thing i was doing about that. SUN!LUNAR AU PLAGUES ME ONCE A WHILE. BUT I DONT TALK ENOUGH ABOUT HIM. Love me some Solar vibing with his new bro and not having a crisis about the other two. Whomst are still having issues (I will remind u all that NICE ECLIPSE'S MOON was something he was also trying to save. That it wasn't verbal abuse until the more recent episodes when they reintroduced how his world is. Makes a good reason for Solar to leave tho.) My au's Moon has bad mood swings. Does Bloodmoon Exist? No. Does KC? No. Could they? KC can't anylonger unless they legit kept that code but i doubt that. (Due to Moon literally wanting it out. Solar not wanting to put him thru that ordeal and knowing it wont work in getting his moon back.) Bloodmoon was only made when Eclipse wanted OUT for realsies. Vs Solar and Sun may have been switching but nothing that opted violence for an answer. Just mistakes that they didnt realize would happen. Sun!Lunar literally being a result of trying to put code back in but just making a New Person instead. So they continue to find a way to help Sun (Solar just... desperately not trying to think about how unlikely that could be) OH YEAH REMEMBER WHEN MOON PROMISED TO FIX SOLARS STAR AND HIS MOON AND SUN??? YEAH??? well rip that that. We aint gonna think about that. what else can i ramble about POKEMON AU WHERE U HAVENT SEEN IN A WHILE BUT SOLAR FLARE... I FINALLY... FIGURED OUT HOW I WANNA DRAW/DESIGN HIM LOL Space AU i cant recall what ive shared ever. But Love me some thinking about how theyre made and their differences. Lots of cute ship stuff. Yes I forget to share those. Theres more bean au stuff i was thinking over too like when bloodmoon comes in. I definitely wanna think about his like... whole thing about trust and death and instance on not being a tool. Its partly why he doesnt get along well with Eclipse (Someone to put the aggression onto vs killcode who in this au actually still calls him son, Lunar this time round since NOT a hostage a better reception. Sun still has a panic attack. yknow i remembered solar WOULD actually exist.... one thing at a time i need to make a list of things here and there.)

[caitlinposs]

i’ve been hitting my cart to fall asleep so i can get through these days as fast as possible. getting high is the only thing i can cling onto anymore, it gives my life the interest and color i’ve been needing currently. i was on the right track to quitting but i guess ive crashed back into it.

i wonder. if we were still friends would i be over at your house right now? would you be at mine? would i be miserable? or would we be cuddling? i’m not the type of person to confront my thoughts. i let them decide for me, i let them take over because i tend to believe they’re in my best interest. if you ask me for the reason i dropped you, id tell you it’s because i didn’t want you to leave me, but honestly i did it out of instinct. it was one day in february, a switch flipped in my mind and i put no effort into turning it back on.

i guess i realized it wasn’t just the two of us anymore, everytime id come over there’d be 5 extra people invading our space. i only loved you when i was alone with you so i always wanted you to myself. i have no idea why that is. it’s not like i was in love with you or something. :/ but all these people i’ve done wrong, i never did it out of spite or hate. i did it because i don’t know how to fully let someone in.

dont be mistaken, i’m still very evil. ;3

an example of my evilness: one day i’ll confess my undying love for you, and the next i’ll completely forget about it. interest can spark inside of me which will usually burn out fast. the only rare exception is when it doesn’t. my fps. the ones i’ve loved so heavily i could easily set the world on fire for them. obsession taken way too far. but i’ll always have a soft spot for my favorite people. they know my chaos.

in the paragraph you sent me before you blocked me, you told me my only motivation is male validation. honestly, yeah. i agree. i wouldn’t call it validation, but something similar. anyway it’s not like it’s something i can control.

when i was younger i had devoted my soul to my dad out of fear and possibly a little trust. every time i did something wrong in his eyes, my body would shut down and i was unable to feel or think anything. soulless. a certain type of numbness where i could practically feel a reaper touching me. one upsetting response from him and my purpose was ripped out of my chest. even if his demeanor was off, if he was driving a little faster and a little more aggressive, i could immediately feel his mood switch—which would end up causing mine. i felt this feeling again yesterday, over something so small. i was telling my aunt how i applied for a job and he immediately said no in a stern ass voice and shook his head. that shut me the fuck up because i could already feel it flushing into me. a weird feeling of confusion has always come along with this numbness, because i can never truly understand what makes him so upset. he was asking me if i wanted to apply at starbucks the night before? maybe it’s because i applied for the job my mom wanted me to do. actually yeah that’s probably it. my dad’s always been so jealous of her because ‘i treat her better than him.’ it’s totally true, i do, but that’s because she was always there to hold me when i cried and she took the time to understand my soft spots. she tells me she loves me everyday, while i don’t have a memory of my dad saying i love you.

so that’s it. that’s all i want from men. i know now, i don’t crave their validation, i crave their care. their sincerest love. i really yearn for someone to put their hand on my head and pull me into a hug every time they noticed i looked a little empty. someone who doesn’t become demented or begin ignoring me when i mess up. someone who will stay by my side even if i reject them just because they know me better than anyone, someone who doesn’t let me push them away. someone who’d never get tired of dealing with my guilty tears. someone who would rather hold my hand than stick it in. ugh. unconditional love.

and basically, i guess id do anything for this kind of care. i’ve fucked plenty of people over just to experience it, even if all of it was bound to end up temporary. but, of course, all that it did was remove more people from my life. make me more lonely. i’m begging please don’t blame me forever. i hope you understand this uncontrollable urge is not something im close to mastering. when im attached, i would rather rip all of my hair out before i allow you to slip through my fingertips, even if i just met you a day ago. when i start seriously thinking about someone, there’s absolutely no going back. until i break and my brain becomes weak from allowing the thoughts to consume it. just thinking about a guy’s potential in caring for me so gently gets me messed tf up. that’s why i try to see guys as weird creatures so i don’t get attached to any. my lips feel like poison, causing damage is all i’ve ever known.

but, i know im young. the so called “men” im talking about are actually boys. when i grow wiser and develop into somebody i can actually be proud of, i can only pray that god will bless me with this type of undying love.

god please please please give me your strength

[moonie-presence]

canvas, wardrobe, & alternate for the oc ask game ?? any character(s) of your choice!! :3

omg hi!!! Ty

canvas: Does your OC have any scars, piercings, tattoos, or other markings? Do they display or cover them up at all?

Du Vide, unless im misremembering, is my only oc with tattoos. They span his entire body, neck to toes, and he did them himself, sewing needle stick n' poke style. I doubt he'd have trusted any one else to ink them.

Since du vide is an upcoming ttrpg character and my fellow players follow me i wont go into detail regarding why he has them by he definitely has them for a reason, relating to his work in experimental machinery/technology. Any good mad scientist tests things on themselves first, obviously.

As for covered up or not, he doesn't make any real effort either way, due to the size of the tattoos. he's usually pretty covered, but he doesn't care if they get seen, theyre not secret. as for why they don't show up in the art usually is because i hate drawing them. weeps

wardrobe: How big is your character's wardrobe? Do they wear things threadbare, or can they afford new clothes often? Are they any good at mending and repairing their own clothing?

Courtland is a notable character wardrobe-wise because i designed him to be so unredrawable due to my madness

pictured: madness

Courtland's wardrobe is relatively large but most of his clothes look the same. The clothes he's wearing up there are his work uniform, so it's what he's usually wearing day to day with a few changes.

however he does have other clothes in line with what you'd expect from an aristocrat, like day clothes, outing clothes, outrageous party clothes, etc. Courtland's got *very* extravagant party clothes. he doesn't get the opportunity to wear them often and isn't very fond of them anyway.

as for when his clothes get fucked up, he's very good at repair. sewing and the like is one of his favorite hobbies!

here's him under all that fabric;

alternate: What would your OC's alternate universe look be? If they're a fantasy character, what's their modern look? If they're sci-fi, what's their fantasy look? What AU would you want to see your OC in, and how would they dress themself? Bonus: Prompt an AU!

when it comes to AUs, the one i end up landing on a lot for the earthshakers is the classic "what if it all never happened"/"what if they lived"

theres exactly one post on here (or the art blog i dont remember) explaining what the deal is with purgatory so heres a quick rundown: In the spaces between realities exists a vast, wild, metaphysical plane referred to occasionally as purgatory, which is a roiling melting pot that chews people up and spits them out as fantastic monsters. getting there is extremely difficult, but the hands down easiest way is to die, and fall through a weakness or crack in your reality when transitioning from life to afterlife.

Since the creatures in purgatory are always changing to suit their needs and there is no true ceiling for what can happen to you, occasionally a particularly strong-willed individual will grab unmatched, omnipotent power and become something called an earthshaker, the highest most feared echelon of purgatorian life. not gods, but damn well close. The earthshakers i've designed are Wellium (aka Lux, or the White Light), Videns, and Seleen.

(psa: this is a creative project? headworld? thing? ive been working on for literally upwards of 6-7 years now. I consider it my special interest, but its kind of nebulous and wordy and i get Too Excited about it so i end up rotating it around in my head a lot instead of talking about it)

Each of the three come from wildly different places/settings, and each has a grisly death, leading to their conquering of the endless voidplane. It's a fun thought to think about, about where they'd be if they just never died at all.

Wellium was once a soldier, a test tube baby/experimental weapon used in an intergalatic war. Eventually after a life of training to kill the unfamiliar, her life was considered inconsequential enough to be selected to guide and activate an experimental bomb to attempt to wipe out their enemy. Videns was a child born with select supernatural powers, and out of fear and superstition was drowned in a river by a mob of villagers after a life of living on the run. Seleen, a magician, was born with too much magic, and died when her body couldn't handle the strain anymore.

like. Videns could have found a place where she couldve flourished and been accepted. Seleen couldve pursued other paths in life instead of obsessing over her own impeding death and the use of the very thing that doomed her. Wellium couldve gone home.

their deaths are tragic, but theyre what set them on the path to kinghood and make them the creatures they are now. however, due to the way their universes work, there are realities where they did live, and lived full lives. got the chances to become people. its fun to think about!

what is and what was.

again ty soooo much for the ask! sorry that this post is dashboard destroying lol

[thegeminisage]

TNG UPDATE TIME! last night we did "devil's due" and "clues."

ok so for context we had been using letswatchstartrek DOT COM to try and tell ahead of time whether or not the episode would be fucking garbage. this was a flawed approach because almost every one of their opinions were wrong, like, some bad eps were rated more highly than they should have been, but for the most part you could trust if they labaled an episode a dud it was a dud. i remember a string of like 3-4 duds in late s4 but i can't go back and look because the site SHUT DOWN and it's not on the wayback machine. anyway all this to say i think we hit the duds

devil's due: i don't understand why they keep putting the devil is star trek. we did that once in the animated series and now we can't do it anymore. i actually can't remember when the second time was but it's driving me bonkers

that said i wish the devil could always be a super hot lady in all media appearances

THAT SAID it is truly incredible how quickly they can put a super hot lady on tng and have you hate her within the span of five business minutes

also, furthermore, as catherine said many times: kirk simply would have fucked her. kirk would have fucked her, and it would have either been fun or it would have been another close encounter of the space babes which would have been fun in an entirely different manner, but kirk would have fucked her and it would have been way more interesting than a fucking COURTROOM DRAMA

i also dont know why we keep putting courtroom dramas in star trek. i can only recall two instances where they were good (tos court martial and tng measure of a man).

clues: this got off to a bad start (holodeck 💀) but i was quite invested by the end. we love a good amnesia plot and it was JUST creepy enough to keep me hooked

(SUPER RUDE btw to give us guinan but ONLY for the holodeck scene...what the fucj)

anyway i knew data knew a full day had gone by cuz i had read the summary but i thought like something had GOT him i didnt know he was LYING ON PURPOSE so i spent the entire episode fretting about data doing nefarious deeds because he would NEVER do that but if he did do that he would deserve to

deanna screaming at her own face in the mirror was extremely fun as well. also whatever was going on with her and worf there for a second. he is so tall and she is so tiny and i think they and riker should f[i am sniped immediately]

also i'm so glad she got possessed and not pregnant. every time she was on screen catherine and i just repeatedly went "please don't get pregnant please don't get pregnant please please please" so i thjink that counts as tng giving us ptsd

i don't think i would enjoy rewatching this one since i already got the answer but it was entertaining enough to keep me from being bored the first time around. hopefully only 1-2 more duds left to go this season...

TONIGHT: "first contact" and "galaxy's child" which are promising titles. fingers crossed!!!