#which is weird because I typically don’t feel much empathy in real life

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Okay what other soul-crushing books about the meaning of humanity can I read?

[thevindicativevordan]

You got any thoughts on Superman Birthright?

Probably my second or third favorite Superman origin, and the one that has my favorite Clark/Lex interactions.

Real pity it didn't get to stick as the "canon" origin because I like it a lot more than the Byrne origin that preceded it and the Johns Secret Origin that succeeded it. Smallville's influence is undeniable, but not a detriment, I like the Kents as flawed younger parents rather than wizened flawless mentors (if they have to be alive still when Clark becomes Superman that is). Pa Kent struggling with feelings of alienation with regards to Clark growing up and taking more of an interest in his heritage is still one of my favorite Pa/Clark moments in Superman's history. Ma Kent being a UFO buff is a great idea, apparently Waid had a story about that he never got to tell. I wonder what it was? Would probably make for a nice Annual or fill in story now that he's back at DC.

Lois is great of course, for all the reasons she usually is, as is Perry who gets way more panel space here than he usually does. Lois and Perry's relationship here is hilarious, love the gag where he writes out two lists of reasons to fire or keep her respectively. "No good place to hide the body" had me cackling. Jimmy though is just kind of there, he's the pal who has Supes back as always, but he's heavily overshadowed by the rest of the cast. Only real disappointment for me in terms of the core cast members.

There's a lot to like here in it's handling of Clark Kent as well. Love that Waid actually shows us Clark has travelled the world to gain some perspective, that he's not naïve or clueless, simply idealistic. He's seen the cruelty of the world up close, and he's also seen the way people react when they realize they're dealing with someone who has "gifts" (whether that's himself or Lex).

Showing us some of Clark's pre-Daily Planet journalist career is also a big pro for me, that's an area of Clark's life I wish got fleshed out more. Waid manages to establish a divide between the Clark and Superman identities that still makes the two feel different without it being a repeat of Pre-Crisis. It's a return to Superman being more "real" while Clark is more of a disguise, but "Clark" isn't bumbling so much as overlooked and ignored (which if you've lived in a big city is pretty much exactly how you get treated as a newcomer). His co-workers barely acknowledge his existence, Lois isn't giving him the time of day, Perry tears him a new one for not having a story to turn in about the ongoing alien invasion on time, Clark has to suffer in the trenches over the course of the story to prove himself.

Like Morrison's Action Comics run, this origin tries to fold a lot of the original Golden Age attitude back into Superman. This incarnation is a man with a temper, him shooting a gun then catching the bullet before it hits the guy who sold guns to a school shooter is literally a recreation of a Golden Age panel. Yet this isn't a "retro" take at all, despite being from Christopher Reeve's biggest fan. Waid writes Clark as someone who makes mistakes, fucks up in ways you don't typically see Superman do, and has a lot of doubts about whether or not he can live up to the task he's set before himself. Doesn't help that Metropolis doesn't welcome him any more easily as Superman than it does as Clark.

Public opinion about him is divided at first, then swings heavily to negative as Lex frames him for a false flag Kryptonian invasion, only to finally recover after he saves the day and exposes Lex. Personally I like Superman to have to work for that glowing reputation he usually enjoys, and if Lex is involved in trying to turn the public against him, so much the better. The anger and contempt towards Lex he demonstrates in particular sets the tone for the relationship between the two in the modern day.

Speaking of Lex, my God, this has got to be one of my favorite takes on him, and on his relationship with Clark, both pre and post Superman.

As adults Waid nails the Post-Crisis status quo of Lex being a selfish piece of shit who hides his nature behind a façade of philanthropy. For all his attempts at projecting an aura of power and intelligence, both of which he has in spades, Lex is so clearly defined by the lack of love and understanding he was shown as a youth. It's Superman "disrespecting" him, by not being happy to pose for photos with Lex after seeing him commit an act of sabotage, that pisses Lex off. For this "crime" Lex does everything he can to smear Superman to the public, and entertains holographic fantasies of dissecting Supes to copy his powers. He quips that killing Kal is "genocide" since he's the last of his people, something he demonstrates no empathy for at all given he laughs in Clark's face when he realizes Superman doesn't know he's the last.

Waid's Lex is probably one of the most monstrous incarnations, yet one of the most sympathetic as well. For my money, Waid is the one who convinced me that Clark and Lex being friends back in Smallville is a good thing.

One reason is that Clark gets to see how people react to "gifted" individuals. By observing the way Lex is treated for being unlike the rest, Clark gets a taste of what's to come if his own abilities were ever exposed. This has the dual benefit of establishing why Clark puts so much effort into making people feel at ease, and also establishing Lex as sympathetic for being unable to hide like Clark can.

The second big reason is that it shows why Clark thinks there's a chance Lex can be redeemed. Birthright Lex wasn't a monster from the start. At first he tried to help, but it always backfired. Doubling the efficiency of the milking machine scared/hurt the cows and upset Pa Kent, his ideas for how to improve the local government got rejected, and of course his experiment with Kryptonite. Sad twist of fate that Lex mistaking Clark's look of pain for the fear/disgust he sees everywhere else is what causes Clark to eventually give him that look of disgust for real when they reunite as adults. But having their first interactions be friendly instead of hostile makes Clark's hope that Lex can become a force for good feel grounded in reality instead of hopelessly naïve.

Can't gush enough about Yu's art either, he can make Superman look bright and inspiring, or scary as hell. His take on Metropolis makes it look and feel like a "City of Tomorrow", someplace exciting and dangerous, a city that needs Superman to protect it. Yu's Krypton is also one of my favorite incarnations, love that he gave Lara the S-curl! That's one idea from the DCAU I wish had become sacrosanct for all future origin retellings. Lara doesn't get to have enough influence on Kal to my tastes, so any little bit counts.

Sadly overlooked as it was coming out due to Azzarello and Lee doing For Tomorrow, it seems like it's risen in status after the fact. The S-shield being a symbol of hope on Krypton in addition to the El family crest has carried forward thanks to the DCEU (which is hilarious given Waid's feelings on that franchise).

Waid has another Superman project coming up next year with Brian Hitch that appears to be a "Year 2" follow up to Birthright. No clue if it will actually take place in strict continuity with Birthright, honestly it feels weird to have anyone but Yu do a direct followup to that, but Waid has said that a Superman run from him would basically be an issue 13 that continues from this story. I'm excited to see Waid take another big swing at Superman, I think he still has it in him to put out a great story, and Birthright being out of continuity may end up being to everyone's benefit. If this ends up being Waid's last Superman story, I hope he gets to do whatever he wants with the Birthrightverse. Kill off the Kents if that's his desire, I know he prefers them dead (as do I). Fingers crossed whatever he comes up with is good.

[bestworstcase]

farran rereads lost lagoon: chapters 16-17

back at it.

re: romance novel: “I saw a patch of red flowers, and I thought they would be striking against Cass’s dark hair. She wasn’t exactly a flower wearer, but maybe she’d let me pin one on her dress? The color would set off her fair skin so perfectly. And she could at least keep some in a vase by her bed. I refused to believe there was a person alive who didn’t feel better with freshly cut flowers in her room.” that’s gay rapunzel

i do admittedly have some ambivalent feelings about this passage. on the one hand it’s - yes, very gay. but also it feels to me like such a clear illustration of the difficulty rapunzel has with empathy and listening to other people when their experiences or expectations or needs diverge from hers; she acknowledges that cass isn’t into flowers, but follows it up with “but maybe i can get her to wear some anyway,” and of course there’s the whole refusing to believe anyone could feel differently about having flowers in their room than she does. and it also has this weird undercurrent of - god, i don’t know how to phrase it in a succinct way.

this specific passage was on my mind when i wrote this bit in moonless air chapter 4: 

Still. She plucks at the stitches of her jack-of-plate, self-conscious.

It’s the nicest thing she owns. Soft green velvet sewn over sturdy layers of canvas and steel. Armor. She’d saved up for more than a year to buy it for herself on the anniversary of her adoption two years ago, and at the time it had been nothing but a frivolous luxury. Stupid, really. She’d never had real reason to wear it in Herzingen, not for anything besides teaching herself how to move with its weight and entertaining ridiculous fantasies—but last night, Moira had intimated that their destination in Vardaros is fancy as well as dangerous. So the jack seemed… appropriate.

Sharp. She twitches.

Clothing—fashion isn’t– Cassandra’s always hated dresses. It’s a trait that demands a certain amount of indifference to what other people think of her appearance.

And she can do indifference. Cassandra has indifference in spades. But nobody’s ever paid her a compliment quite like that before: baldly appreciative. Straightforward. Not like all the times Rapunzel coaxed her into tolerating crowns of late-summer flowers because the colors look so nice with your complexion! and not like the Commander’s gruff praise for how grown-up she looked in the hideous pastel gowns that had come with the lady-in-waiting gig.

because – like, cass is butch, and “not a flower wearer,” and here in lost lagoon we have this passage where rapunzel expresses this pretty straightforward attraction to cassandra but in the context of imagining cassandra presenting in a much more feminine way than she is comfortable with - in a dress with flowers in her hair etc - and it just... rubs me the wrong way a little bit. and this is not to say like cass can’t be butch and put a flower in her hair but when it’s paired with rapunzel specifically acknowledging that cass doesn’t WANT to wear flowers then it - yeah i feel weird about this passage. 

and that translated into cass having a whole little crisis over being complimented for her appearance without implicit pressure to be more feminine for the first time ever

anyways

i still can’t get over the name monsieur lefleur 

rapunzel summarizes hervanian culture as “brash but can be funny; distrustful but not mean-spirited” so, basically, they are americans

she is feeling very Prepared to meet with them, in contrast to every other time she’s met with foreign dignitaries or nobility before this. eugene tries to warn her that cass is PISSED with her and she just brushes him off, as one does, by saying that cass is “not all bubbles and moonbeams” but that she is “a softy” inside. 

of course this leads up to cass blowing up and going off while rapunzel tries to calm her down and just - groan this line. 

“People don’t change! You told a criminal a detail that puts my entire future at risk!”

how many times have i said “cass doesn’t act this way in tts” i feel like it’s a constant drumbeat. but i have to say, again, that cass doesn’t act this way in tts. i don’t think it’s unrealistic for her to think like this, given that her father is essentially corona’s chief of police and she idolizes him, but i feel the need to reiterate that there is zero sign of cass having this mindset in tts proper. and it does sort of bother me when people read this into cass’s character because it undermines and delegitimizes her dislike of eugene in early s1. 

which like. tts itself sort of frames their mutual dislike as a mutual problem, but it’s... really not? and imo the best illustration of this is in this exchange from cassandra vs eugene: 

CASSANDRA: Unbelievable. Did you eat all the cookies?

EUGENE: I’m not a pig, Cassandra. I ate all of your cookies; I’m saving mine for later.

CASSANDRA: Ugh– you are nothing but a self-serving, inconsiderate, arrogant freeloader!

EUGENE: [scoffing] You know, I can rattle off insulting adjectives describing your personality, too, but to do so would imply that you actually have a personality, and I just wouldn’t feel right about doing that!

this is the dynamic every time they squabble in early s1. 

1 - eugene does something selfish or thoughtless - in this case taking all the cookies and milk for himself. 

2 - cassandra calls him out for it, and he doubles down, often taking a potshot at her in the process. 

3 - cassandra gets mad and calls his behavior what it is (self-serving, inconsiderate, arrogant)

4 - eugene gets defensive and insults her as a person, typically with variations on calling her icy / unfeeling / humorless / joyless. 

which is to say, their fights are initiated by eugene’s poor behavior, and cassandra attacks his behavior but eugene attacks cassandra herself. like, eugene is the dude who insults you and then goes “pfft why can’t you take a joke” when you get upset with him. that’s what this is. 

moreover, when eugene’s, for lack of a better term, residual flynn rider-ness starts to taper off, cassandra’s criticism of his behavior also tapers off, AND she gets much gentler about how she phrases this criticism once he starts to actually take it on board. but there’s no accompanying shift in the way eugene speaks to and about her - the jibes about her being humorless or cranky or soulless literally never stop and at no point does he ever seem to consider that cass might not appreciate them as much as he thinks she does. 

(to be clear, i don’t think they bother cass very much if at all - but they do create and reinforce a perception on eugene’s end that cass Doesn’t Have Feelings and the background radiation of that contributes to the toxicity that develops in season 2.)

like again, pulling from cassandra vs eugene here, eugene is extremely insulting towards cassandra even when he’s ostensibly coming to her defense: 

RANDOM THUG: Look at that, Fancy-Boots has got something to say!

EUGENE: Name-calling? Come on, we’re better than that, aren’t we? Sure, we could sit here and make fun of each other—tease Cassandra for her chronic joylessness, or me for my uncommonly good looks, or you for your poor dental hygiene, tragic fashion sense, robust body odor, and what are clearly woefully misguided decision making skills, but do you really want to go down that road?

ALL OF WHICH IS TO SAY - besides demonstrating an obvious willingness to give eugene another chance once he starts doing the bare minimum to not be a dick to her, cassandra doesn’t like eugene because eugene is an asshole to her and takes the enormous privileges he is given completely for granted. 

saying “well she doesn’t like him because he was a criminal and she doesn’t believe criminals ever change” erases that completely and reframes the conflict as cassandra treats eugene unfairly because of bigotry that she needs to unlearn. lost lagoon takes this even one step further in that lost lagoon eugene is genuinely trying to be responsible, he is taking his new lot in life seriously. he doesn’t need cass to tell him off for acting like an ass because he doesn’t act like an ass. he shows actual interest in getting to know cass and makes an effort to break through her hostility in order to get along. unlike his tts counterpart, lagoon eugene really doesn’t do anything wrong, and that makes cassandra’s intense hatred of him on the grounds that he was a thief look completely irrational and, like i said, bigoted. 

it’s just very frustrating to me.

anyways

rapunzel tries very hard to persuade cass that it’s actually totally fine that she told eugene the secret because she just can’t keep secrets from eugene (except the lagoon which she has arbitrarily decided is totes fine to keep secret and i am pretty sure this contradiction never gets pointed out) - and cass is having none of it, and of course arianna interrupts before anything can get resolved. 

they rush out and monsieur lefleur interrupts them, asking questions about the lost lagoon. he reveals that he heard an ~elegant cloaked person~ inquiring about it in the library. he asks for the book. they say no. the red herring smells to high heavens, and the chapter ends with rapunzel subtly telling cass to hide the book ~for the safety of the kingdom~ and oh my god i just can’t handle the low stakes. 

seventeen picks up from there with cassandra’s point of view; she’s suspicious of lefleur and angsts a lot about how she has no time to train and she needs to get out of corona yada yada. her plan is literally to just walk until she finds someone to hire her on as a guard which. lol. this kid.

i feel like this is the strongest passage in the whole book: 

She said there couldn’t be any secrets between Eugene and her. But why—especially when it meant sacrificing my future and everything I held dear? I’d read about romantic love in poems, and it seemed to me like a spell. Sounded great for the lovebirds, but what about the other people.

Did I just not matter in the face of this love, even though I had been the one to risk everything to show Rapunzel the world? Was I just supposed to fall on my sword because Eugene was uncomfortable that he didn’t have every last piece of information about Rapunzel?

she has a brief argument with owl, who is a pretty obvious stand-in for her own doubts / feeling that she truly belongs in corona and doesn’t actually want to leave. but she has no choice! but it’s stormy, so she can’t leave! oh no!

(i think if tts really strongly felt she had no choice but to free corona, a measly thunderstorm would not be enough to stop her.)

[soyosauce]

Cyberpunk 2077: Is This To Be An Empathy Test?

Cyberpunk 2077 is an adaptation and extrapolation of the popular tabletop pen-and-paper role-playing game Cyberpunk, originally published in 1988. The video game uses an extrapolation of the setting and Interlock system, translated to video game format.

When I finished the game, credits rolled. And rolled. And rolled. More than 15 minutes went by.

Now, days later, as I reflect on more than 70 hours of playtime, Cyberpunk 2077 feels like many people have had their hands in the pie. Its strengths and weaknesses stem from its massive ambition, marketing, and promises.

Different Experiences

I played CP2077 on a Ryzen 7 3700x with 32 gigs of RAM and an RX 2700 GPU. I was able to get around 35 FPS at 1440p without noticeable drops (except when looking in mirrors), and I played on ultra-settings without ray tracing on. I began playing it with the rest of the PC consumers with the day 1 patch.

As a crafted experience, I can say that it is the most impressive looking game I've ever played, and my playthrough seems to be a fortunate one, with maybe a handful of glitches or bugs across the entire 70 hours. None of which were remotely game-breaking. I was never unable to progress in the story. I never had a crash. The most annoying thing I experienced was sometimes crosshairs from a gun would continue to stay onscreen after it was holstered.

I mention this because I think a major component of why I come away with a positive experience is because my computer could deliver the intended experience. And Cyberpunk 2077 is unrivaled in its execution of a funneled narrative. Characters and environments have never felt more genuine and cinematic.

The sound design is some of the best I've heard, and it's perfect in every aspect of the game. From the sound of a throaty exhaust to the scraping of metal-tipped hands against hardwood, the sound is superb and adds to the immersion.

 The World

With a setting as old as Cyberpunk, there will be consumers who are familiar with the setting and have a grasp on the worldbuilding. For the uninitiated, however—of which, I think most customers will be—the aesthetic and gameplay elements the marketing team used in advertisements will be the primary hook. The game doesn’t go out of its way to communicate that it is anything more than that, either.

What was most compelling about Night City was the meticulous detail and care devs clearly put into every nook and cranny of the city. Distinct and disparate, no part of it feels reused or like its filler. It is the most gorgeous and well-realized environment I've encountered in a video game.

Yet the gangs, fixers, and side jobs located within it feel one dimensional when viewed from a macro, worldbuilding perspective.

Typical fixer missions are varied enough and have different small bits of story, but usually just elucidating that specific mission and its characters. You’ll find little bits of lore some of the time, which augment the siloed stories, but often don’t give a wider context to help situate the faction you’re interacting with.

The gangs seem to have a central theme, but I never learned why they were actually there from a worldbuilding perspective, beyond the fact that the game wants you to be looting and shooting.

Culturally, the gang elements are too often a pastiche and don’t feel real. They have scripted lines that are often dehumanizing and feel unrealistic. Some of them don't even make any sense. They'll find a dead body and start yelling for you to come out, "cunt", or some other misogynistic pejorative. How do they know it's a woman? Making them all say and act that way feels so cheap, encouraging you to take them out because they're demonstrably “bad” people. And it doesn’t matter what kind of mission it is. Context doesn’t matter.

With the bits of lore you’ll find all over the place (often repeated), it feels like a missed opportunity to not humanize and characterize the gang identities as a whole; even if you are spending most of your time mowing them down, at least you’d come to understand why the city is the way it is and what its general makeup is better than just knowing which gang claims which area of the city.

The world feels overly concerned with aesthetics that the player never gets context for, so it feels like a caricature used for aesthetic purposes only.

For instance, Arasaka, the megacorporation controlling/running Night City, has a highly traditional, tyrannical, Japanese businessman who has had his life extended with cybernetics. He’s over one hundred years old and controls Arasaka with an iron fist. The inference on my part is that locations in Night City with heavy Asian aesthetics are there because of this megacorp’s influence. But it still feels strange because, in other lore given, the city has been run by other corporations not that long ago and had other cultural influences asserted. So why is Little China, Japantown, and Kabuki a weird pastiche and the only place that seems to assert its cultural influence on the city? When you enter other areas, they don’t look like they’re trying to recreate foreign cultures. Is it because of the Arasaka influence? Possibly, but I never found any lore that explained it. Visually, this aesthetic dominated my playthrough.

The result is a siloed microworld that feels like it might be there simply to justify some of the predominantly Asian gangs, who seem to be basically just cyberized yakuza and come up fairly often in fixer missions. The main story also springboards off some of these locations, so the game really wants this look to make an impression on the player.

When you explore in-depth, all of the interactable, consumable portions of the city have a faux quality because you can only look at them. Sometimes you can buy food from a couple of vendors and clothes, but everything exists solely to be interacted with in a hyper-specific way, rather than extrapolated from a perspective divorced from what would be merely aesthetically interesting and actually realistic enough to let V feel like a character that is a part of this world.

You can sleep with and date a few different people, depending on your gender presentation, but the relationship's extent beyond that varies. There are some texts between characters, but you don't get to, say, go home and do anything with them. Their interactions with you in person are the same as though you had phoned them.

You can talk to people on the sidewalk, but they have a regurgitated one-liner and then go back to what they're doing. You can't go up to a gang member and talk to them because once they see you, they’ll attack you if you get too close.

The only things that feel genuinely next level are the prescriptive story elements. And that's okay! It just doesn't jive with the level of detail or how much you think you'll be able to interact with things when you first see them. Marketing makes it seem like the world at large may be something you can interact with, but those all end up being the curated narratives.

Because the worldbuilding framework is from a first-wave cyberpunk perspective, unfortunately, pitfalls like techno-orientalism are prevalent.

The themes around the commodification of those things that make us human, from our body, faith, and art, are all interesting themes present in the genre—but here they are skewed toward fetishizing minorities and subcultures, just as first-wave cyberpunk texts tended to do.

V is ostensibly a cyberpunk and it follows that they would be a part of the same subgroup as the minorities who are underrepresented and lacking nuance in the CP2077 world, but V is actually traversing the story with their only integration into a subculture being that they’re a mercenary. With few exceptions, they all seem to not really share punk values, either. Some take jobs from corps (you certainly can if you want), some don’t like the corps but aren’t particularly anti-establishment or pro direct action. Most just seem to hang out at a bar. You don’t hear about what they do on the news or in the world. You don’t get jobs from fixers that are ideologically aligned with being punk. And you don’t integrate with any other subcultures when out of the main narratives.

The exploitation of people and the world's general themes and sensibilities still feel firmly rooted in the late 80s, early 90s. It is not aware enough to fully realize an actual subculture or even the dynamics of criminal elements in the city, so it frames the story from a mainstream perspective for mass appeal.

The problem is that, with so many people consuming the game, this becomes the default that those consumers will adopt. It has a responsibility precisely because it is so popular and will become a part of the general intellect. Rather than be progressive with its themes and push mainstream depiction of cyberpunk to something in line with what can be found in literature today, it is regressive.

Ultimately, the worldbuilding is the most disappointing aspect of Cyberpunk 2077. The main narratives, however, are a different story.

 Story

Arguably, the most important thing for a role-playing game experience is the story. In 2077, you play V, a mercenary on the edges of society trying to make it big in Night City. In classic cyberpunk genre fashion, a chance at a big score drops into your relatively inexperienced hands, and you seize it. A heist is planned; it doesn't go as planned—and Johnny Silverhand, a long-dead anarchist and misogynistic jerk—basically a proto-typical embodiment of 70’s rock ethos—ends up in your head. He has his own agenda, and V can either go along, get along, or make their own decisions about what to do next. For the most part.

The story beats are as meticulously crafted as corners of Night City. The character animations are the most advanced I’ve ever seen—: they’ll smoke a cigarette for a portion of the conversation, stub it out, then get up and pace nervously while delivering their lines. Their emotions will be written on their face and flow naturally. They'll touch items or other people in the scene. They look and act like real people and sound like it too.

There’s a 4-part storyline with a trans character in which you just won’t ever learn their story unless you talk with them and earn their trust. You can go through the whole narrative and help them out (or not), and never learn much about them. But if you spend the time and ask questions, you'll always get something from these storylines, even if they initially seem to be just another gig on the map.

Because the game's worldbuilding, including in-game ads, is blind to its own defaultism, stories like this are absolutely vital. I wish there were more of them and I hope the free DLC forthcoming are things like this.

2077 is populated with genuine, human moments. They communicate why you should care about the city and the people you encounter. And most importantly: these moments define V as much as the main storyline.

Whether intentional or purely a byproduct of how each facet of the game was developed, these stories augment the play experience a tremendous amount.

What I remember most is finding out if Johnny can, and will, actually change or if he's just trying to manipulate me, discovering how my decisions alter the way he interacts with me, and going down a rabbit-hole, sex trafficking narrative that initially feels a bit too archetypical, only to have it morph into a multi-part story that rooted V's narrative in an emotional and impactful way.

These are the stories that you can actually, meaningfully change. And because I did them all before the main storyline, they all felt like they meshed well with my V’s overall story.

Of course, you could do the main story right away and then go back and do these side stories. I think the experience would be quite different because of the knowledge and relationship you have with Johnny at the end of the main story experience, though.

The main storyline has multiple endings; I've experienced four of them, and they all deliver fairly well on expectations. These endings do not consider anything that isn’t a main or side job, which is labeled as such in your log. Your relationships with the main characters do change the endings slightly, but they don't change the overall outcomes for V and Johnny. This made the game's main attraction for me the fleshed-out side narratives and a few other mysterious side jobs that crop up without a fixer giving them to you.

These other stories were more enjoyable because I felt like I really mattered and could actually mess them up. The main storyline is only preoccupied with whether or not you did X and, if so, you can see the Y ending. It felt like it had lower stakes.

 Conclusion

I do feel like 2077 is a new way to consume an immersive role-playing video game experience. It's unfortunate and unfair to many people that multiple promises the game makes cannot be fulfilled unless they can experience it on a particular platform (with a fairly sizeable amount of money in the investment). A decent computer to play it on is the best way, and it’s expensive if you want to max out absolutely everything. Next-generation consoles aren't even optimized for it yet. Last generation consoles are struggling. Crashes, bugs, poor textures, and framerates.

What is Cyberpunk 2077 when it can’t replicate the ideal delivery for its desired experience?

So much of what made the experience singular and noteworthy for me comes down to how life-like and human the people I came to care about the most in the game looked and acted. Take that veneer away, and the cracks in the façade appear.

Doing most of the side content before the main jobs gave my V a meta-narrative: they were a ruthless killer that would do pretty much whatever a fixer asked of them. Those were the expectations set by the world outside of the story. But then V morphs into a person confronting that life, questions who they want to be, and what it takes to thrive in Night City when you hit the main narratives. That’s why I had a positive experience. And that’s why I’ll return to the city and do things differently.

Ironically, Cyberpunk 2077's overall game experience relies on technology to build empathy between the player and the main cast. Yet, the world outside of the main narrative denies that same empathy to the denizens and factions it populates Night City with. If the platform you’re playing on can’t effectively utilize the demanding Red Engine developed for Cyberpunk 2077, the most likely outcome is an experience devoid of the only substantive thing it has to offer.

[s0niyeah]

Damn. So we have officially been halfway through 2021 and the beginning of the new decade sure seems pRoMiSiNg. There don’t seem to be signs of the world opening up and regaining its original colour anytime soon, and to be honest, I’m not here to rant about that. I’ve damn well come to terms with that fact now and with everything else the year has put me through so far, lockdown and shit seems to be the least of all my problems. It’s become a fucking routine at this point.

But yeah, I genuinely do see this obvious growth in my character, and I’ve experienced things I never thought I would go through in my entire life, especially in this anti-social pandemic, but like every other teenager, did anyway. I also did stuff that isn’t so typically, um, “teenagery” and I honestly have no idea if I’m ever gonna put out this shit on my blog, as I’m writing everything that comes to my mind while listening to the ridiculously calming voice of Kendrick Lamar from another one of his interviews (goddamn, those seem to soothe me like literally NOTHING ELSE) when I should be paying attention to my French lecture instead.

I feel my entire growth as a person in this year has gone through a full-blown Tyler, The Creator IGOR character-arc: from me infamously announcing to my new class in my English lecture that “I DoN’t BeLiEvE iN lOvE” to actually falling in it only a few months later and then taking one damn month to get out of it, realizing that love is, in fact, not fake AT ALL having felt it so close to me FOR REAL, but then going back to how I was before all this bullshit happened, and being the usual “unromantic” cringe person that I was, it’s all been insane. Can’t put it into words how much I have changed and refined myself, because I didn’t think I would actually reinvent my old self all while being confined to the four walls of my house. Guess nature does have a sort of magic after all and it DOES MAKE IT HAPPEN no matter which situation you have found yourself trapped in. It’s weird how all of us are so different in so many ways and yet have to go through so much similar shit at some or the other point of their lives. And I can’t believe I used to shame people for that- I-

God, I’m so pathetic. I know damn well I didn’t deserve to go through that balderdash, but a part of me is glad I did, because if nothing, it gave me a little bit of empathy at least.

I literally just went from having a leather exterior to finding myself to losing myself for someone else and then losing that person to find myself again. Which brings me back full circle to one of my favourite Eminem quotes “It’s okay to lose people but never lose yourself.” :’)

Speaking of Eminem, I also discovered a lot of new artists, a lot of new music and I regularly write all about it on my blog, but there’s something about Eminem that still has him on the top of my list, even after all this time. This guy- I mean, he literally predicted my future. The song Lose Yourself- no, I don’t care how “overplayed” it is, it’s a classic for me and countless other people because after months and months of listening to it for the first time and hours and hours of vibing to it like there’s no tomorrow, I finally could see a reflection of myself in the lyrics and as cliché as it sounds right now, it just…hits different. I also had this firm new year resolution to earn enough to buy a mic by the end of the year and I’m proud to say that if nothing else, at least THAT is going great for now, but it wasn’t that way always. Went from being underpaid and overworked to finally quitting the strenuous intern life just yesterday, to finally break out of the vicious circle of monotony. And I’m so glad I shifted my focus from my job to my music (and RIGHTFULLY SO) and yeah, this was just a random feel-good post to remind me of how far I have come without actually looking back :) Guess I can finally say that I’m proud of myself lol. Special mention to my merch store which went from being my only serious source of income to a casual passionate hobby now.

Anyway, love y’all if you’ve read it so far. Even if you haven’t, I KNOW your worth and hope you get whatever you want in your life fam, good luck <3

-SoniYEAH

[shirokodomo]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

THE MUSE - Hakudoshi (Inuyasha)

THE MUN - Eleanor / Ellie / El

Fill out & repost! This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is: Canon / OC / AU / Canon-divergent / Fandomless.

It's a mix of these three, the character itself is canon but I have a bunch of AUs and Canon Divergents verses although I also write him within his Canon Verse

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO.

I am not sure how the fandom views him in this regard, while he is one of the strongest incarnations, he isn't even on the level of either Inuyasha or Sesshomaru. So, kinda I guess?

Are they underrated? YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO.

To the story as a whole no, but he was relevant during a few arcs because of his connection to Naraku and the works he was sent to do.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO.

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?

Depends on the characters he is interacting with. With the main group (Inu & Co.) and with the other incarnations with whom he has interacted in canon material (Kanna, Kagura, The Infant) I pretty much stick it to canon as much as I can, though I have my own interpretation of his character in certain stuff.

But there are characters he never met or barely interacted with in canon (Koga, Kikyo, Sesshomaru, etc) so in these I go overboard and mostly "ignore" canon, and let my own imagination interpret how their interactions would go, while trying to keep him as the villain he is but without making the interactions short or boring.

Then I have a bunch of AUs and Canon Divergent verses which I love to dive in and allows me to stray away from canon for the most part (i.e: he doesn't die, he doesn't betray Naraku, etc). Two of my favorite Canon Divergent threads are those where he ends up traveling with Sesshomaru after escaping from Naraku or the one where a mother-son bond slowly forms between him and Kikyo.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.

He is a child and a child can still change his personality a lot even if they started out as a villain.

He is very intelligent, knows how to take precautions if/when things go wrong. In my opinion that makes him a good ally as much as it makes him a dangerous antagonist.

Canon didn't explore many sides of him and I'm more than willing to do that so plotting with me can become fun, even if some ideas might sound weird.

Although he was initially one of Naraku's most loyal incarnations and followed his orders, he can be self-serving (and in my eyes that's a good and bad thing) and can choose to take a different path from the initial plan even if that goes against his creator's goal and ends up benefiting the "good guys"

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?)

He is a villain and villains can be a little hard to handle and to create long threads with, without making it sound repetitive.

He can be quite creepy and perhaps a little annoying.

He has no qualms in his actions, doesn't possess empathy, doesn't care how many people were hurt or killed by his actions.

He is manipulative, although not as much as his creator, and more than capable of betrayal. Trusting him can be quite difficult especially after everything he did.

What inspired you to RP your muse?

Hakudoshi was always my favorite in the entire series, don't ask why, he just was, for some reason I was always drawn to him everytime he was on screen. His personality though sometimes difficult to portray can be interesting to explore, especially when aside from the fact that he is evil, there weren't any other sides of him shown which leaves a bunch of open doors for interpretation.

What keeps your inspiration going?

Dreams, random ideas and of course the other roleplayers I have interacted with so far.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

While I am aware that I have choose to portray a villain, I enjoy to try and step a bit out of the typical "I hate you and you hate me" troop when it comes to interactions with the "good guys", not saying that we shouldn't portray that, we definitely SHOULD because he has hurt many people and I don't expect other Muses to suddenly get along with mine but all I want is to try and step a bit more out of it so that we can create an interesting and enjoyable thread together.

An example I like to use for this, within the canon verse, is two threads I currently have with two different Inuyasha muses, in which we created an interesting set up for Inuyasha and Hakudoshi to interact, one that keeps the threads on-going smoothly, while keeping the obvious fact neither can stand the other because that's how their relationship is.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO.

Depends on my mood and depends on the thread. There are many times I wonder if I'm making him "evil enough" or if I'm making him OOC.

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO.

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO. But I am thinking of doing a prompt thing once a month for that! To help me with my writing skills.

Do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO. 

There are times I doubt it, other times I'm good with it.

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO.

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?

I'm open to constructive criticism all the time. 

Being plain rude however it's a no for me.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?

I LOVE getting asks, they help me not just build my portrayal of the Muse but also provides me with many headcanon ideas.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

As I wrote above there are times I doubt my portrayal and also I am open to constructive criticism, so if someone disagrees with my portrayal I am more than open to receive tips on how I could get better.

Disagreeing with my portrayal just to be plain rude though, I'll pass. I don't want drama and I've created this RP blog to have fun and to escape a little from the problems in real life.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?

Eh I'm fine with it? Hakudoshi is a villain and a secondary character, I won't expect everyone to like him and I respect that. I just ask others to equally respect my liking for this character.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?

Yes I am, again I'm full open to constructive criticism. While I feel quite comfortable with my English, it's not my first language so errors are bound to happen.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?

I am very shy and not exactly a big social butterfly, however I do like to talk to others that love the series/characters/etc as much as I do so DMs and Discord are open for that stuff too, not just plotting!

Tagged by: No one, found this on a random blog in the search

Tagging: @silverhanyou @windcarnation @konosesshomaru and anyone else who feels like doing this.

[multifandom-stranger]

4 . 9 . 16

The Broken Few Pt. 1

Pt 1, Pt 2, Pt 3

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 2.4k

Warning: Topics such as mental and physical abuse, self harm/cutting, and drug use are mentioned. Strong language is used as well. Read with this in mind please.

Heavy footsteps slammed into the puddles riddling one of the many back alleys of Seoul. A certain figure was following suit trying to catch him. “Shit! Oh fuck, oh fuck…” Mark hissed in between heavy breaths. He had been dodging around corners and shoving people around on the streets to try and shake the man off but nothing could change his keen focus induced by a blind rage. 

“MARK LEE GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!!” Mark looked over his shoulder to see just how much distance he was gaining and the answer was not that much. What he could see was that god awful ‘father’ of his. He had to refer to the man as such even with no blood relation. Mark has been put into the foster care system a year back. To say it was the safe space he needed to grow as a troubled teen was a fucking joke. The man in charge of their foster home was ruthlessly abusive to all the children in his care. 

Mark has been beaten, thrown, and mentally broken down by this man who had promised to give him the life skills for success. His only splice had been his friends on the streets. One day he snuck out during the night and bumped into some dude. Literally. He was running away from the hell hole he called home and right as he turned his head caught a flash of white before hitting the ground. He had big round eyes and pure white hair. No way in hell that was natural. Mark just sat there knocked down for a bit as the stranger stared at him with a… weird look. “What’s your name?” said the man as he extended a hand. Mark took it defensively and scoffed. 

“Why should I tell you?” Mark snapped back at the probably older man.

 The man smiled gently at Mark as he restarted the conversation. “I’m Taeyong and I help people like you.” What kind of asshole says shit like this is?

 “The fuck? Whatever man.” Just as Mark began to walk away his wrist was grabbed harshly by the taller of the two. He winced since he had been dragged by it earlier. “What the hell!?”  That same indescribable look was on his face. It was almost like he was reading a book that both informed and saddened him. Mark felt as though he was a tiny thing being observed under a microscope. Taeyong just gave off this oddly sweet and intimidating aura.

 “I can tell you know,” he said gently. Taeyong pulled up the sleeve of the arm he had grabbed and confirmed his suspicions. Bruises. Mark's arm had a few older ones along with the very obvious thing that adorned his skin. Lines upon lines of cuts. Same as his bruises, some were old and almost healed whereas some were newer and caused the previous grip to be painful. “After all, I’ve been there too. Takes one to know one.” Taeyong said as he rolled up his own sleeve. Mark instantly notes the familiar discolored lines adorning his pale skin. 

Even with his faded scars on display Taeyong smiled softly and said, “So do you wanna come with me to talk about why? I sense your running away as well. I have a place for people like us where we can feel safe for a while.” 

That was when Taeyong led him to this crummy little abandoned rooftop apartment. Apparently the place had been foreclosed or something. Point was that no one was there and no one would move in. The only sign of the place being lived in against regulations was the colorful lights that peered through the grimy windows. Taeyong stopped by the door and turned to face Mark with a smile. “Gonna tell me your name or what kiddo? That is, if you trust the stranger you walked off with enough to introduce yourself.” he teased with a light chuckle.

 Mark joined in his brief laughter and stated, “I’m Mark Lee. Nice to meet you Taeyong.” He extended his hand with a smile which Taeyong gladly returned as he shook his hand. Without another word he opened the door to reveal a rather inviting room, unexpectedly so. Sitting in this room with hand painted art on the walls, posters, small string lights, and lots of other cool things were three other boys now staring at the new face he was to them.

 “Guys, meet Mark. Mark, meet the guys.” Taeyong said and then pointed to one of them. “No hair over here’s name is impossible to say so we just call him Ten.” Ten proceeded to give him a small wave and a half smile. “Then there’s Jaehyun. He’s kinda the wanna be cool guy.” 

“Ya! Wanna be? I’m the real deal you asshole!” Jaehyun fired back with a scoff and a quick dismissive wave to Mark.

Taeyong continued, “Finally, the rabbit. See, doesn't he look like one?”

 Another outburst was heard, this time from the last boy with orange hair. “I’m not a rabbit! Why can’t you introduce anyone normally.” 

Taeyong waved a hand at him to tease and finally gave his name. Ever so sarcastically he sang out “Mark meet Doyoung! I really hope you get along well.” Ten rolled his eyes with a smile as the other three chuckled at his antics. “Now for the serious stuff. You gotta go back by dawn or something right?” Taeyong asked. 

Mark stared at him, taken back again. “Literally how do you guess this shit?” 

“Seventh sense is what I call it,” he leaned in closer to Mark as he continued. “But I think I have one hell of an intuition. Alright alright, court is in session!” 

Suddenly he was pulled back into a seat by the boy closest to him, Doyoung. Mark looked at him a bit confused before he whispered, “Relax, this is how we all had to do it. Roll with it.” 

Taeyong slaps the small table twice and looks back to Mark. “Spill kid. What’s your strife?” Looking around the room he saw everyone had gone silent and begun to stare. They didn’t hold any malice in their expression or boredom. Each person in the room seemed to be hanging on a thread, waiting for the moment he spoke. It felt oddly comforting. Even if it wasn’t, why not open up? Not like he’d ever see these guys again. 

“I uh, I’m in a shit foster home. Guy in charge makes us refer to him as father even though, clearly, he’s not related to any of us. I have no idea who my real parents are so it’s not like I can just leave. The main issue is that he beats the hell out of us. Day in and day out if you do anything he finds punishable, you’ll get hit for it. I just… It’s also his words though. I’m sick and tired of being called a fucking mistake or that my parents left me for a reason.” Mark started to feel his eyes tear up a bit before he resorted to his usual trick. Looking up as high as he could. He always did that when he cried. Look up at the ceiling, sky, stars, whatever. “I would do anything to feel like a person. A real person. Not a shell of one or a mistake. That’s why I cut. I wanted a feeling. I wanted an escape.” he said as he started to breath heavily and grind his teeth together.

 It amazed him that once he lowered his head he was met by that same look of understanding. Not pity or disinterest, but of empathy. There was a long comforting silence before Ten carefully broke it. “I was kicked out for being gay. I was also abused too.” 

Then Jaehyun added, “My parents both are addicts and tried to sell me off for drug money.” 

Doyoung chimes in calmly stating, “I’m lucky enough to have had great parents, they just passed away a while back.”  The room filled once again with a comforting silence.

They all shared glances of sympathy until Taeyong once again slapped his hand against the table. “Jury’s verdict? All in favor say aye.” One by one the three other boys all said ‘aye’ and Doyoung patted Mark on the back. “Court adjourned. Mark, are you willing to join our little family here?” Taeyong asked with his big brown eyes all rounded out with curiosity. 

“Depends on what you mean by that. Why should I?” 

Jaehyun leaned over Doyoung so that he was in line of sight with Mark. His expression got dead serious in that moment. “Kid, you either stay at the foster home or you can stay here with us and work to make a living of your own.”

Ten peeked over Jaehyun just barely and added, “We pick-pocket and do little jobs for people to get by. And yeah, it’s small but we have this little place to call home. We lead our own lives and do whatever the fuck we want here. No one can hurt you here.” “Best part is that this family is the best one any one of us has got. Pretty soon I bet you’ll fit right in.” Doyoung said as he placed an arm over Mark’s shoulder. “I know it’s not an honest living but it’s something. Are you in?” Taeyong asked. The other three looked at him with blank expressions. Whether he said yes or no wouldn’t change their lives too much, they just wanted to see the kid happy because they saw that pain in him. That pain they all knew too well. 

Surrounded by the darkness of the night outside the apartment Mark knew he still had plenty of time to get back but why the fuck would he. This was definitely a better shot at living life than living with that monster back home. Fuck it, this was his new home. Mark looked to Taeyong and said with a newfound confidence “I’m in.”His new family looked around at each other with big wide grins. 

Jaehyun lightly punched Mark on his shoulder to catch his attention before saying, “Here’s the rules, okay? One, loyalty above all else. We’ve all been fucked over by those we trusted.” When Mark glanced around once more he noted in the back of his mind that Ten looked particularly hurt. “Second, be smart. Don’t do something dumb enough to get in big trouble. If you fuck up so big it screws the whole family over, consider yourself out. We don’t want you here if you're just using us.” Mark knew the heavy nature of the streets. The rules were typical of most gangs or small families he had heard of but they seemed more reassuring than daunting. Why the hell would he stab these guys in the back if they’re the ones sticking out their neck to take him in. “Finally, listen to the older members. Since your the youngest and newest you gotta lot to learn from us kid.” 

Mark nodded as Ten held out his hand. Looking down there was a small needle in it. “Take this and prick your finger. Then go seal the deal by leaving a mark of your print on the wall.”

 Mark glances over to where Ten has pointed with his free hand to see four bloodstained marks upon the dingy green wall. He took a deep breath before taking the needle and walking up to the wall. “You know, this is like some mafia shit.”

 Taeyong let out a small laugh and looked at the kid with particular amusement. “You in or not? I’m not forcing your hand at all, but just know that once you're in your family. We’ll do anything for you at the drop of a dime and we expect the same back.” Mark stared the thing down for a bit before pricking his finger. A small bead of blood emerged and grew until he stamped it against the wall.

 Now here he was, running from that damn foster dad of his. He had called the cops to search for him but Mark has been living with the boys off the grid for weeks. It had almost been a month before the local police found themselves at a standstill. That’s when he went back out into the streets again. But he couldn’t forget one thing. The only thing he ever had left to him from his parents was a ring. It was a thick, plain silver band that only fit on his pinky finger. He had been told it was his mother’s ring. And of course, he left it at the fucking foster home. To cut a long story short Mark shimmied the damn drainpipe, got the ring, but got caught on the way out by the demon of a father figure he was forced to have. Of fucking course. So here he was, running down alleys and through streets to get away. “God damnit!” Mark shouted to himself. He had finally made it out, yet he just had to get the ring and get himself into a whole load of trouble. He had been working on the streets a lot these past few weeks so he knew a way to get a major gain and lose the man. Mark took a sharp left turn before starting to climb the chin fence he knew was around the bend. Once at the top he hurled himself down, landing with a thud. He looked back to see the old man run up to the fence and hit it in frustration from the other side. 

“Where the hell do you think a fuck up like you can even go, huh?! You got nobody! No one but me!” Mark could feel the rage swell. He did have somebody. He had Taeyong, Doyoung, Ten, and Jaehyun all there for him. 

Mark kicked at the fence sending that bastard back on his ass. “Yes I do! I’m not worthless! I’m not a fuck up! And I’m certainly not alone. If you ever try and find me again I’ll be the one to kick your ass for once. That’s a promise, not a threat.” With that he broke his firm glare and ran off to the rooftop apartment oasis he now called home.

[dieverdediger]

The Worship of Depression

Hot take: We as a Western society like depression. We like darkness. We like the “broken” guy. Take a look at shows like Rick and Morty, BBC’s Sherlock (to some extent), House M.D., Bojack Horseman, Doc Martin, and many others. We always like to see how this “weird” but “smart” guy struggles with his relationship and struggles to be a better person. 

That’s all well and good... IF we keep in mind that he is the abnormality. Not us. The problem lies in him, not me. Where he represents some universal condition, it is not necessarily an inevitable one. 

The lead characters of all these shows tend to have a pessimistic view of life. Take Dr. House especially. “Life is pain”, he says. And so he drives almost everyone away. They think the universe is meaningless and godless (literally and figuratively). We would be stupid to take their advice. Clearly there is something wrong with them. House has an addiction and tries to solve his loneliness through work and prostitutes, Morty is alcoholic and also lonely, Bojack is depressed, Martin has anxiety. Healthy people have none of these. So what they say should be taken with a grain of salt. 

Two shows point to a better world. Sherlock starts out like the guys above: cold, analytical, unappreciative of relationships. But we quickly realise - and Sherlock himself quickly realises - that he is the one missing out. There is some healthy view of the world that he, in all his genius, never realised. In Season 3 there is this one scene where Sherlock and his brother Mycroft have a little game. They try to one-up each other by analysing a stranger’s hat:

(See the vid below)

Sherlock: A quick sniff of the offending bobble tells us all we need to know about the state of his breath.

Mycroft: Brilliant! Elementary.

Sherlock: But you've missed his isolation.

Mycroft: I don't see it.

Sherlock: Plain as day.

Mycroft: Where? 

Sherlock: There for all to see.

Mycroft: Tell me.

Sherlock: Plain as the nose on your -

Mycroft: Tell me! 

Sherlock: Well, anybody who wears a hat as stupid as this isn't in the habit of hanging around other people, is he? 

By the third season Sherlock has grown, and this has helped him even in his intellectual pursuits. He could have stuck to his isolation and obsessiveness, but he didn’t. He opened up and really started to care for John and the others. It was through his empathy that he recognised the stranger’s isolation. That’s good. That’s growth. 

The other show, which is even better, is Lucifer. On the surface Lucifer is everything that’s bad about our obsession with the anti-hero: violent, destructive, has orgies, ignores important problems, hides his feelings... But the creators of the show always keeps it very clear to the audience that Lucifer is the one with the issue. Lucifer has the “daddy issues”. Lucifer himself often admits this. In fact his entire therapy thing is an attempt to deal with a recognition that he has the problem. Not Cloe, he. We should not emulate him. We can study him, and laugh at him, and cry for him. But not copy him. 

The point of everything is this: depressed does NOT equal depth or intelligence. What is sad is not necessarily true. What is pessimistic is not necessarily realistic. Quite the opposite usually. We have a tendency for taking the sad guy to be the one with the right view of life, and the happy guy to be the one with the naive and stupid view of life. Why? What is the rational reason for this? We do so because we think in our heart of hearts that life really is meaningless. But if it is NOT meaningless, then of course the happy man would be the right one. We shouldn’t mock him.

Now, of course if the universe is meaningless then we should agree with Dr. House. And if it has meaning, we should agree with Dr. Wilson. But suppose we don’t know whether it is meaningless or not. If we don’t know the facts, then shouldn’t we chose the healthier option? The view that is conducive to happiness, relationships, and love? Isn’t it the more “fitting”? 

I think linked to the “depression equals depth” assumption is the idea that happy people are naive. That they do not know pain. The idea that everyone who really knows pain would be cynical and depressed. But surely the facts don’t show that? All the great people in history have known suffering. Most of the happy people you know might even have suffered more than the rest. In fact, it is usually those with the most pain in life who somehow manage to be the happiest in spite of it all. And we envy them for that. 

It is easy to be sad. You simply let your sadness overwhelm you. It doesn’t take effort. You just allow it. But to be happy is difficult. To be grateful is an exercise. To overcome and see past your own pain is a skill. It takes effort. And we don’t like that. 

One fictional character that encompasses an awareness of suffering, and yet stays happy, is Father Brown. You might have heard about him. He is a creation of G. K. Chesterton. He appears has a kind of detective priest who solves crime by looking at the characters of people.

In Chesterton’s autobiography he explained how the glory of Father Brown lies not in him being some naive priest, but rather in a priest that is more aware of evil than others, but doesn’t let it overwhelm him. He transcends it. He based Brown on a person he knew in real life: Father John o’Connor:

I mentioned to the priest in conversation that I proposed to support in print a certain proposal, it matters not what, in connection with some rather sordid social questions of vice and crime. On this particular point he thought I was in error, or rather in ignorance; as indeed I was. And, merely as a necessary duty and to prevent me from falling into a mare's nest, he told me certain facts he knew about perverted practices which I certainly shall not set down or discuss here. 

I have confessed on an earlier page that in my own youth I had imagined for myself any amount of iniquity; and it was a curious experience to find that this quiet and pleasant celibate had plumbed those abysses far deeper than I. I had not imagined that the world could hold such horrors. If he had been a professional novelist throwing such filth broadcast on all the bookstalls for boys and babies to pick up, of course he would have been a great creative artist and a herald of the Dawn. As he was only stating them reluctantly, in strict privacy, as a practical necessity, he was, of course, a typical Jesuit whispering poisonous secrets in my ear. 

When we returned to the house, we found it was full of visitors, and fell into special conversation with two hearty and healthy young Cambridge undergraduates, who had been walking or cycling across the moors in the spirit of the stern and vigorous English holiday. They were no narrow athletes, however, but interested in various sports and in a breezy way in various arts; and they began to discuss music and landscape with my friend Father O'Connor. I never knew a man who could turn with more ease than he from one topic to another, or who had more unexpected stores of information, often purely technical information, upon all. 

The talk soon deepened into a discussion on matters more philosophical and moral; and when the priest had left the room, the two young men broke out into generous expressions of admiration, saying truly that he was a remarkable man, and seemed to know a great deal about Palestrina or Baroque architecture, or whatever was the point at the moment. Then there fell a curious reflective silence, at the end of which one of the undergraduates suddenly burst out. "All the same, I don't believe his sort of life is the right one. It's all very well to like religious music and so on, when you're all shut up in a sort of cloister and don't know anything about the real evil in the world. But I don't believe that's the right ideal. I believe in a fellow coming out into the world, and facing the evil that's in it, and knowing something about the dangers and all that. It's a very beautiful thing to be innocent and ignorant; but I think it's a much finer thing not to be afraid of knowledge."

To me, still almost shivering with the appallingly practical facts of which the priest had warned me, this comment came with such a colossal and crushing irony, that I nearly burst into a loud harsh laugh in the drawing-room. For I knew perfectly well that, as regards all the solid Satanism which the priest knew and warred against with all his life, these two Cambridge gentlemen (luckily for them) knew about as much of real evil as two babies in the same perambulator.

And so, to end my much too long post, I will make my point clear: there is nothing necessarily deep in being sad. And there’s nothing necessarily superficial in being happy. Don’t be depressed because you think it is deep. Don’t envy those who are clearly unhappy. Don’t mistake joy for foolishness.

P. S. I am not making any comment on depression as an actual psychological disease. I understand that this is not always a choice. But this just reinforces my point: clearly depression isn’t healthy. So we shouldn’t emulate it. We should pity and help those who have it, but we are idiots if we think people who suffer from it are somehow “deeper” and “more profound” than our happy Christian neighbour. There’s something this neighbour - who has the same problems us we - realise that we don’t. 

[roominthecastle]

Craig Mazin’s general theory on screenwriting

There is nothing honest or truthful about rigid structural forms. Robotically following a template (e.g. Syd Field’s 3-act structure or Chris Vogler’s hero's journey) likely results in a well-structured bad script. What real writers follow are their characters, and what great writers follow are their characters as they evolve around a central dramatic argument that is meaningful to other human beings.

Structure is not a tool, it is a symptom; it is a symptom of a character's relationship with the central dramatic argument.

Structure isn't something you write well, it is something that happens because you wrote well. There is a lot of what and when in structural templates but if we don't know why these are there, how are we supposed to know how to write them? "What's my motivation?" may be a cliché but it is the key to structure: what is the purpose of the narration?

Narration helps us move through a changing world; story is about a change of state and there are three basic axes on which change can occur:

internal: the character’s thoughts and feelings; it zigzags all over the place.

interpersonal: the main relationship; usually starts neutral then, depending on how the story unfolds, it can dip, rise, plummet, spike.

external: the plot; usually a straight line with a start and an end.

Narration is made up of scenes and follows the Hegelian dialectic: we take a thesis (”[x] is true”) and apply an antithesis (”no, [x] is not true and here's why”). What results from this collision is a new thesis called the synthesis which starts the whole process over again.

Every scene begins with a truth, something happens inside that scene that challenges it, a new truth emerges at the end, then we begin again. At the beginning of every scene we have a situation involving the three basic axes of change and we fire an antithesis at least at one of them to create something new. This is what story is -- constant changes. And the glue that holds these changes together is called the theme (or unity, first used by Aristotle in Poetics).

The purpose of the story is to take the main character from ignorance of the truth of the theme to the embodiment of the theme through action.

The theme is the central dramatic argument that has to be an actual argument (e.g. “life is beautiful even amidst horrors”) and not a vague concept (e.g. “brotherhood”) because a script without a central dramatic argument feels empty and pointless. But you probably don't want to start with the argument as it is a weird way to begin a script. Usually, we think of an idea first but then we should ask, "What central dramatic argument fits with this?" and, ideally, you should think ironically here, e.g.

idea: “a fish has to find another fish somewhere in the ocean”

central dramatic argument: “no matter how much you want to hold onto someone you love, sometimes you have to let them go”

While the argument sounds pretty cliché, it is great to pair with the idea because it contains irony, i.e. the outcome of reunion will be a separation. This is thematic structure and it guides the writing process. And you can always have a really good script built around a cliché. It’s the execution around the cliché that should be interesting, that’s what matters.

Usually we introduce our protagonist in an ordinary world but ordinary doesn’t equal mundane. It just means that the protagonist's life exemplifies their ignorance of the theme (central dramatic argument); in fact, typically, they believe the opposite, the anti theme. This ignorance is likely what enabled them to achieve a stasis that is not a perfect life, it's not the best life they could live, it is just the life they settled for; an “acceptable perfection”.

Without the writer’s "divine nudge", their life could go on like this forever, so our job is to undermine it via an inciting incident. It is a moment designed to disrupt a character's stasis, making the continuation of their specific "acceptable perfection" impossible and begin their transformation. It is genetically engineered to break this character's soul and destroy them. Everything the character does at this stage is in service of trying to recapture the stasis that's been destroyed. So your heroes, on some level, should be cowards in a manner of "I don't want things to change, please just let me be."

Underlying that attitude is fear and fear in your character is the heart of empathy. We feel for characters when we fear with them. Every protagonist fears something and this fear, the vulnerability, is our connection to a character. And the fearful hero should have lived their lives to avoid the thing they are afraid of. We are taking their safety blanket away and pushing them forward; they wanna get back what they lost and they wanna go backwards. This tension is what propels us through the second act portion of the story.

When you think about plot as something to jam characters into, that's when you run out of road around the second act. You run out of plot because it wasn't generated by anything other than you. A story is a journey during which characters grow from thinking one way to thinking the opposite. You are the parent with a lesson to teach them but the characters have to make these choices. If you write with that in mind, when you start thinking about plot as something that you are doing to your characters, that's when you can lead them from anti theme to theme, and you never have to ask "What should happen next?" only "How can I make what happens next better?" But how do we teach characters?

First, by reinforcing the anti theme. The protagonist is knocked out of their stasis and they are trying to get back to it. They are going to experience new things and these should reinforce their belief in the anti theme, making them want to get back to their stasis even more. We are basically creating a torture chamber here. We write a world where we oppose our character's desires and by doing so, we reinforce their need to go backwards. We design moments of push-and-push-back. We keep forcing them forward but also put things in their path that make them wanna go back. This creates tension, which is exciting, and when they get past those obstacles, it will be meaningful.

Then comes the element of doubt. The protagonist still believes the anti theme, so they need to run into something or someone that exemplifies the opposite, the theme. When they get a glimpse of this other way of living, they realize there is value to it, it is attractive to them, and their belief in the anti theme wavers. This doubt creates a natural internal conflict. The protagonist is rational as in that they have to have at least the capacity to see that there is a better way to live, which is a critical component. And it is fear that separates the irrational hero from their rational potential. Through circumstance, necessity, or another character's actions, the hero experiences a moment of acting in harmony with the theme. This could be something they do or they could watch someone else do it (active vs passive experience), and it brings about the magical midpoint change.

The protagonist's belief system has been challenged but there is no willingness to go all the way and believe the theme yet. They may not even understand the theme yet but they are already wondering if the anti theme they’ve been clinging to really answers or solves everything. And the very moment the protagonist considers the possibility of switching sides, you hammer them back in the other direction. The story has to make them shrink back into their "old way" and thus the hero retreats. This is the essence of dramatic reversal.

Something unexpected and contradictory/ironic works best here. This punishment makes the eventual completion of the journey that much more impressive. The further you go here, the more you feel at the end. When you design obstacles, lessons, glimpses of the other way, rewards, punishments, the beating back and pushing forward, keep thinking ironically. Think of surprises that twist the knife. If they have to face their fear, make it overwhelming. Don't disappoint, punish. Make characters lower their defenses by convincing them that everything is going to be okay, then punch them right in the face -- metaphorically. As a writer, you are the Old Testament God. Ask the questions "Where is my protagonist on their quest between theme and anti theme?" and "What would be the meanest thing I could do to them right now?" Then do that over and over again until they are left without a belief. As the demands of the narrative begin to overwhelm the protagonist, they begin to realize that their limitations are not physical but thematic.

This is when the other side begins to seem increasingly reasonable but they still cannot embrace it. They are given a chance to do so but they fail at it because they still cannot quite accept the theme. They just lost their belief in the anti theme. They are trapped between rejection of the old and acceptance of the new because the old way doesn’t work anymore and the new seems insane/unattainable. This is why they call this a low point. The original goal of going back to stasis is blown to bits. Whatever they believed at the beginning has been exposed as a sham but the enormity of the real goal is impossibly daunting. The protagonist cannot yet accept the theme because it is too scary. Their core values are gone but they aren’t ready to replace them with new ones. The protagonist is lost. What we need from drama is moments where we connect to another person's sense of being lost because we've all been lost. This will make the ending work. In absence of this there can be no catharsis.

Characters develop as they move through the narrative. The narrative is gonna impact their relationship to the theme. When a character finishes interacting with this portion of the narrative, their relationship to the theme or central dramatic argument changes from "I don’t believe that" to "I don't believe what I used to but I cannot believe this new stuff yet, either." If we think in terms of acts, this happens around the end of the second act, and it ushers in the defining moment when the character needs to face their greatest challenge and worst fear. This resolves the story being told and the life of the character; it brings them to a new stasis and balance (=synthesis).

You have to design a moment that's gonna test the protagonist's faith in the theme. They have to go through something to prove they believe in this new theme. It's not enough to say "I get it, I was wrong." They have to prove it via action and in a way where they literally embody the new theme with everything they have. Before that, there is another round of torture, the relapse, which is a temptation right before their big decision/defining moment. We hold up their safety blanket and say, "Go ahead, character. Take it and go back to your old ways." They have to reject this and do something extraordinary to embody the truth of the theme. They have to act in accordance with the theme and by doing so, they prevail.

We have to create a mechanism to tempt and then force action. It also produces one last chance to punish the character: they experience the cost of embracing the new theme and they don’t back down, they demonstrate their faith in it, which brings a reward. Finally, after many collisions of many theses and antitheses, there is one big final synthesis which we need to see: the after-story life in harmony with the central dramatic argument. If you remove everything in between the first and last scene, there should only be one fundamental difference: in the beginning, the protagonist acts in accordance of the anti theme and at the end it is replaced by the theme.

There is really only one big act and it's called your story.

[loopy777]

whats your thoughts on Venom, the green goblin and doctor octopus, the three characters who are generally held up as spidermans archenemies? which one do you think has the best potential as spidermans definite enemy if they were written perfectly, and which series do you think had the best portrayal of each of them respectively?

If I had to crown THE Spider-Man Archnemesis, I would have to give it to Green Goblin. Doc Ock is the oldest, and the first to both defeat Spider-Man and make him consider quitting, but ultimately Norman has taken more from Spidey, gotten more personal in their conflict, and created more of a legacy for the mythos. Sorry, Otto.

That said, I don’t really like designating a single archnemesis for Spidey because Norman hasn’t completely dominated the field. Ock runs the Sinister Six, Spidey’s big Villain Team and one of the best Villain Teams in all of superhero comics. (And let’s face it, the Legion of Doom is bigger only because DC characters got more media exposure for a long time and Superman’s villains are so good that Lex Luthor, Brainiac, and Bizarro lift up the likes of Solomon Grundy and Cheetah when they’re all on a team together.) Venom has the whole Evil Knockoff thing going and a unique and terrifying ‘stalker’ gimmick that puts him in a special class, not to mention how he directly overpowers or counters all Spidey’s abilities.

And, honestly, the whole ‘Goblin’ gimmick is kind of arbitrary and has nothing to do with spiders. Clowns and bats don’t have a direct relation, but at least they’re opposites in terms of color and purpose, so Batman and Joker kind of seem like twisted rivals. Goblins and spiders are only linked in that they’re both kind of Halloweeny, but Spider-Man has little to do with Halloween or spooky stuff, anyway. But I better cut this line of thought off before I start explaining how Spider-Man shouldn’t be Spider-Man at all and him being Frog-Man would make just as much sense and then we wouldn’t have to deal with pictures of icky spiders in all Spider-Man media.

But yeah, Norman Osborne is still indisputably a cut above the others.

Ock is really just a typical mad scientist with a robot-arm gimmick that allows him to directly fight with Spider-man. He’s well-written and constructed, granted, and I love how his arrogance contrasts with Peter’s humility, how they’re such opposites in terms of empathy, and how different their paths become after science-based accidents that granted them unusual powers. Bendis’s “Ultimate Spider-Man” comics nicely honed in on this theme, and I also appreciate how both Stan Lee’s prose story in the unrelated “Ultimate Spider-Man” short story collection (...it’s a title Marvel loves to reuse for some reason) and John Byrne’s attempted origin revision linked the irradiated spider to the explosion that created Ock. All great villains should be dark reflections of their heroes, but while Ock has gotten some great stories that make him a top-tier villain, he still offers little storytelling potential beyond his mad scientist archetype. Now, I know what comics-readers are thinking at this point: Yes, I did read the original “Superior Spider-Man” run and I think there’s some real potential there, but honestly I feel like it was under-served by Dan Slott’s pacing and foibles. And I haven’t seen an adaptation of it yet that I think really fulfills the possibilities. But the idea is great, so maybe Otto will get his chance to level up his rivalry with Spider-Man.

Venom’s problem is that he’s a little too focused on his revenge on Spider-Man. The stories where he stalks Spidey, wandering into Peter’s life to fold laundry with Aunt May, popping up to have a surprise tussle with Spidey just to throw him off-balance, etc- Those are great and make Venom seem super-scary, especially since Spidey can’t beat Venom in a fight without some kind of edge or gimmick. But all Venom wants is revenge on Spidey, so after he’s failed a few times to get it, what do you do with the character? He’s not scary if he keeps failing. The original idea was to have the symbiote pass on from Eddie Brock and take on other hosts, and that might have opened the door for some new kinds of stories. I know this was eventually implemented 20 years later, with the original Scorpion getting to be Venom for a while, and symbiotes becoming a whole Thing with a bunch in various colors, but I didn’t read any of those stories and they don’t seem to have left much impression on the general Spider-Man fandom. Ultimately, it was chosen to ‘redeem’ Eddie Brock and make Venom into an “anti-hero” (for a definition of the term that means “protagonist who kills people but doesn’t have to worry about that whole ‘consistently laid low by their fatal flaw’ thing”) which did sell a bunch of comics in the 90′s and set up some tension-filled team-ups with Spidey. Nice idea, if implemented in a really shaggy way, but -- again -- what do you do after that? Venom/Eddie isn’t really a compelling lead who you can keep telling stories about. (Yes, I saw the Venom movie. It has like two minutes of amusing material and two hours of boring dreck, and none of it is memorable.) And making him evil again runs into the same problem as having left him evil in the first place. Venom was a good idea whose time came and went, and perhaps someone will find a way to make him fresh again. But until then, I think he gets by more on his visuals than anything.

The Green Goblin, in contrast, has a lot going for him in terms of storytelling potential. He’s a mad scientist, a wanna-be crime boss, a dark shadow of his civilian identity looking for revenge and/or illicit thrills, and personally has that ongoing personal hatred/rivalry for Spider-Man. That offers a whole bunch of storytelling paths, all of which have been taken and proven fruitful over the years. And that’s without getting into how Norman Osborne is the father of Peter’s best friend Harry, a flawed father figure to Peter in his own right, a ruthless millionaire industrialist before Lex Luthor gave it a try, and another dark reflection of the paths Peter could have taken in both aspects of his life. Even when Norman is dead, his legacy continued to be felt for 20-odd years with how Harry fell from grace. You can even link Norman to his spin-off the Hobgoblin; just Norman’s equipment getting passed on created another enduring villain. And, again, that’s without even looking at Norman’s murder of the one-time romantic lead Gwen Stacy being the event that ended the Silver Age of comics. Norman Osborne is just plain a truly great, versatile villainous character who has managed, despite being almost 60 years old, to still maintain an “Oh, no!” impact among Spidey fans when he shows up. Sure, there have been bad stories about him, and some over-exposure at times, but that hasn’t diminished his impact or ongoing potential.

As for portrayals, I’m overall a fan of the 90′s animated series and their takes. That show really petered out after a few seasons, but it introduced Ock with a bang and got a lot of mileage out of him. Venom got to do the whole scary stalker thing, and then the show put him on a shelf until his ‘redeeming’ death to avoid over-exposure, so that worked out fairly well. And while it’s odd how Kingpin and Hobgoblin took over most of the Green Goblin’s role in Spider-Man’s stories, what we did get of Norman was good, and the performance that went into the Green Goblin really sold the weird psychology of the character. Those three villains definitely got a chance to shine in this series, even if Green Goblin was under-used.

I also think the Sam Raimi movies overall did a good job. Green Goblin was perfect- aside from the costume. Willem Dafoe utterly nailed every aspect of the character, right down to the body language, and the movie did a good job condensing his rivalry with Spider-Man into a single movie. As for Doctor Octopus, I’m of two minds about how he got a sympathetic backstory and characterization. On the one hand, it made him a more compelling character and Alfred Molina danced nicely between the human side and the villainous side. On the other hand, though, Ock has classically never really been sympathetic; he’s an utter monster in behavior, and the insertions of bullying in his backstory have never changed that. Venom is the only one I think didn’t really get a chance in these movies; I like this version of Eddie Brock (really!), but he barely got an opportunity to be Venom and you can tell no aspect of the character really inspired the storytellers.

Spectacular Spider-Man, naturally, did a good job. I think this version of Green Goblin is the best of them all; I even got my DVD set signed by Steve Blum! Ock was also done well, getting to be the Master Planner as well as leader of the Sinister Six, although I don’t think I quite buy the timidity they gave the character before the accident. Similarly, I didn’t buy Eddie’s fall from grace as Peter’s best friend; one episode he’s upset because Peter’s blowing him off for hanging out, and the next episode he’s nearly killing Mary Jane just to mess with Peter. You might as well just start with Eddie being a monster, like the Raimi movie did.

I also think Bendis’s Ultimate comics did well by all three characters. I’m not really a fan of Goblin-Hulk, but Norman’s impact was fully in effect (even if we had yet another toothless homage to Gwen Stacey’s death with Mary Jane getting thrown off a bridge and surviving), and they fit him well into the Super-Soldier Arms Race aspect of the setting. Ock got some really great use, including an arc of character development and ‘redemption’ that still managed to allow him to be an arrogant monster to the end. Venom was under-used, but this might be the best ever interpretation of Eddie Brock and obviously inspired the Raimi version, and I love the origin of the symbiote here and how it tied to Peter’s father. My only complaint is that after that first great story, Bendis didn’t seem to quite know what to do with Venom; the video game and its comic adaptation seemed to be setting him up for more, but that didn’t come to anything.

So, those are my thoughts. As a Spider-Man fan, I think I’m spoiled for choice in picking an achnemesis. Despite the little flaws that keep Ock and Venom from topping the Green Goblin, they’re still heavy-hitters as comic book villains and could run the game in the rogues gallery of most other superheroes. But Spidey has one of the best sets of villains in the business, so that’s not surprising.

[emjs-good-out-here]

🌿 + 🌲 + 🍂 for Kitty and Delta! 💙

🌿 What way does your OC show that they care without using words? What way do others show your OC that they’re cared about without using speech? 

Hmm, I feel like Kitty’s instincts would be to cook for people that she cares about, but she also never really had people she cared about before her Embrace, and now the majority of those that she does feel that way about don’t eat... So, failing that, I think she would just make herself useful to that person. She’d pay particular attention to any tasks or problems that they need taking care of, and lend her assistance without really needing to be asked. She’d probably also shower people in gifts, because she definitely has weird feelings about money and objects and their links to a person’s worth and importance.

Delta is just... quietly around. She learns people’s likes and dislikes, and does her best to anticipate their needs in whatever way she can. She puts down her electronic devices, turns off her music, and actually pays attention when they are around (and while that might not seem like a lot, it’s actually huge for her).

For Kitty, loved ones show their affection through being around her, and including her in their plans. For Delta, it’s almost the opposite; the best way to show they care is to acknowledge that she sometimes needs to have her own face, and being understanding that she isn’t going to reply to their attempts at communication every time, but that that doesn’t mean that she cares any less.

🌲 How deeply does your OC feel? Are they typically empathetic or do they have a hard time connecting with others in this way? What are they like when offering support and comfort to someone they care for?

I’m not entirely kidding when I say that Kitty is a little bit of a sadist; she thoroughly enjoys enjoys holding power over others, and making them uncomfortable. But that said, she does have quite a bit of empathy for the ‘average person’; the people who exist more towards the bottom of the social hierarchy, and she does what sh can to help them out, whilst directing her... other attentions towards the elite and those in authority.

She’s still kind of learning how to do the whole ‘support and comfort’ thing. She’s a good listener, though, and if someone is the cause of her loved one’s problems, rather than just something, then she absolutely will get some kind of revenge on them.

Delta feels a lot. She goes to kind of a dark place after her Embrace, and is kind of consumed by anger and sadness over the loss of her own life for a while, but when she was alive, she was a very passionate person. She had- and eventually does have again- a lot of empathy for her fellow man, and she was a prolific hacktivist, fighting for the rights of everyone around her.

She’s incredibly socially awkward, so isn’t the best at offering support and comfort, but whilst she struggles to find the right words to say, she always offers the right sentiment, and her awkward, sympathetic pats are usually appreciated by her loved ones. If someone she cares about is having a tough time, she throws a mean movie night, which usually helps to take people’s minds off of their troubles.

🍂 Does your OC enjoy hugs? What do they do as a show of affection for: their friends, their family, their significant other(s) or for strangers? Over all what are they like with recieving affection from others?

Kitty adores hugs! Just don’t expect your wallet and/or jewelry to still be there afterwards! For reals, though, she’s fairly physically affectionate, even when that affection isn’t entirely sincere, so from the outside it appears as though she treats strangers and loved ones pretty much the same in those regards.

She adores receiving affection from others, and has made a lucrative career out of evoking such emotions in others, for a limited amount of time.

Delta... not so much. She doesn’t care for hugs, but is also too awkward to tell people that, so just kind of uncomfortably suffers through them. Her personal show of affection is just to be around people, existing in the same space and going about their lives together. If she absolutely adores someone, she will probably attempt to hold hands, but will still be convinced she’s somehow doing it wrong.

She doesn’t like recieving affection from others. She doesn’t know how to take a compliment, and just feels super uncomfortable about the whole thing if someone is too nice to her.

--

Send me some Soft Asks about my OCs!

[lavender-hemlock]

Aw.. Shit, here we go again. (Questions below the cut because I’m not an asshole like the below.) 

@kazexvoss

Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well

1. What is you middle name?

Marie

2. How old are you?

23

3. When is your birthday?

October 7th

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Libra

5. What is your favorite color?

Burgundy

6. What’s your lucky number?

7

7. Do you have any pets?

One dog

8. Where are you from?

The US-Tragedy-A

9. How tall are you?

Hahaha.. 5′.  10. What shoe size are you?

Size 6

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Probably over ten.. and more than half are boots. 

12. What was your last dream about? Asked by breaking-from-grace

13. What talents do you have?

I guess I have a talent for my empathy, art, and writing? Not sure what merits as a talent without being overzealous. 

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I’ve been called a witch because of intuition for emotions of others? Or being scary close to presuming things. 

Sadly can’t bend any spoons, stay tuned. 

15. Favorite song?

Toooo many. Music is too vast to pick just one, but I’ve been listening to Day Dreaming - Jack & Jack a lot lately. 

16. Favorite movie?

Probably the Phantom of the Opera version with Gerard Butler. 

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone who is capable of respecting the flow of my energy. When I need space, when I’m all for being close. It isn’t that I’m picky or moody, but I know what I need and also don’t need them being worried when I’m just being quiet and reading a book. It’s just a mutual respect and understanding. 

Ya feel? 

18. Do you want children?

Yeah. Which is weird to think about. I’m not in any rush. 

19. Do you want a church wedding?

I think it is right for me to pursue it, but kinda no. I want a venue probably really low key done up in lights, curtains, and simplicity that doesn’t need a huge budget. Its about the bond, right? 

20. Are you religious?

Yep, I am a christian. 

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

I have! I had a piggy bank get knocked on top of my head when I was little and my mom rushed me to the hospital. I think that was the first time I saw stars. Only time though!

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Yeeeeap. 

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Yes! I’ve been fortunate to meet a few bands and also see the cast of Fast and the Furious. I got to go on set for the 5th movie! I was lucky. 

24. Baths or showers?

Showers. 

25. What color socks are you wearing?

Black. I hate this question. I’m looking at only one person rn. 

26. Have you ever been famous?

Kinda? Yet I think famous in this way is very subjective? I had my old (and first) RP community for like eleven years. Its not fun when everyone knows your name, I’ll tell you that. You get put on a pedestal or get called terrible things if you don’t respond. It was a whack time. I don’t miss it. I was just famous for the designs I would put for the community and being like a “veteran” member with tons of “powers” (community bling). Blegh. 

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Nope. I admire those that do great things and gain that attention for the work they have put in, but its a double sword. Everyone knows your business and looks at you. Seems like a ant under a magnifying glass analogy.  

28. What type of music do you like?

I like a lot of pop/alternative. I listen to generally everything except some heavy techno/bass stuff isn’t really for me. 

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Nope, don’t plan to. What if a snake bit my ass? How do I explain that to a doctor. 

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

3!

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

I have to pick one!?

32. How big is your house?

It’s modest. 

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Asked by Caewen!

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Yes! I have been trained to use one strictly for defense over the home. What a sad world. 

35. Have you ever tried archery?

No, but I wish!

36. Favorite clean word?

Cleaaaan? 

37. Favorite swear word?

Fuck. 

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Hahahaha 72 hours. I like sleep. 

39. Do you have any scars? Asked by Sangria-Fangs!

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Yeah! It’s.. okay. Kind of creeps me out tbh. 

41. Are you a good liar?

No. I would psych myself out. 

42. Are you a good judge of character?

Yeah. It took a lot of fuck-ups to figure that out!

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Poorly. All of them. 

44. Do you have a strong accent?

No.

45. What is your favorite accent?

Gosh. British or Australian. 

46. What is your personality type?

INFJ. 

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

Boots! 

48. Can you curl your tongue? Cries. Asked by Caewen. 

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Innie. This is weird. 

50. Left or right handed?

Right handed!

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Don’t @ me. 

52. Favorite food?

Snow crab.

53. Favorite foreign food?

Italian. 

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

SO fresh and SO clean ~

55. Most used phrased?

”I dare everyday.” She says before she does something stupid. 

56. Most used word?

Ye. 

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

Anywhere from 5 minutes to over 30 minutes. There is no inbetween in this. 

58. Do you have much of an ego?

Either the biggest in the room or the smallest. There is no inbetween. 

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

BITE. 

60. Do you talk to yourself?

When I’m trying to focus really hard. 

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Only to myself, yes. In my car and forgetting there’s someone in the car next to me? yes. 

62. Are you a good singer?

I’d like to think so. 

63. Biggest Fear?

Snakes. 

64. Are you a gossip?

No, but I’ll discuss, not spread. 

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? Asked by Hingan-Fox!

66. Do you like long or short hair?

I like both!

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Unfortunately. 

68. Favorite school subject?

Literature. 

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Kinda inbetween. Ask me on a random day, it may be one or the other. 

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

No but it sounds cool!

71. What makes you nervous?

Confrontation. 

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Kinda. 

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

It depends on the thing. If its not my place, I won’t. If they’re ignorant, it depends if its worth it. If they deserve it- passionately. 

74. Are you ticklish?

I will stab you. 

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

Nope

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Yep!

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Yeeeap. 

78. Have you ever done drugs?

Mary Jane. 

79. Who was your first real crush?

A boy in kindergarten who drew me cards everyday and left them in my desk each morning. ; ; 

80. How many piercings do you have?

None! Needles and I do not work out. 

81. Can you roll your Rs? 

I can’t even curl my tongue and now I get this question. 

82. How fast can you type?

90 WPM average. 

83. How fast can you run?

Fast as fuck boi. I’m just memeing now, aren’t I? Just trying to get through this. I don’t think anyone will get this far. 

84. What color is your hair?

Dark brown!

85. What color is your eyes?

Green-blueishhhh. Depends on the day/lighting. 

86. What are you allergic to?

Wax and bees. 

87. Do you keep a journal?

I used to until someone read it lol. 

88. What do your parents do?

Work? 

89. Do you like your age?

I kinda have to? 

90. What makes you angry? Asked by Caewen! Oo boy. 

91. Do you like your own name?

Yeah, I’d say its just fine. It’s mine.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

Jace and Claire. 

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

Happy with either.

94. What are you strengths?

Empathy, understanding.

95. What are your weaknesses?

Patience (depends), Failure. 

96. How did you get your name?

They said they just shouted it out until they figured they could say it everyday for the rest of my life and not get tired of it- and the meaning is pretty. 

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

I don’t think so. Never looked into it. 

98. Do you have any scars? Asked by Sangria-Fangs!

99. Color of your bedspread?

White.

100. Color of your room?

White, greys. I like snow and furs and lights. 

Now, after all that- I am clearly no bitch @kazexvoss. Do yours. 

[eldritchsurveys]

507.

1. are you more tolerant of hot or cold weather? describe a time when you were extremely cold? describe a time when you were extremely over-heated?: >> I really don’t know anymore. I mean, I run hot, so I think I physically fare better in colder weather. But I don’t enjoy cold weather, you see. I don’t necessarily enjoy hot weather all the time, either, but I feel like I have more freedom in warm seasons than I do in cold ones. A time when I was extremely cold is when I was still new in NYC and I couldn’t find the shelter I’d been referred to and it was eleven degrees and I wasn’t wearing proper winter clothing because I was eighteen and dumb. I nearly froze to death, no joke. I can’t remember a time I was extremely overheated. 2. what was something weird that you did as a child? did anyone make fun of you for it? were there any other children you knew who did the same thing?: >> I was a weird child to other people, but I can’t really see what I did that was so weird. From my point of view, I was pretty unremarkable, but others didn’t see it that way. The myopia of being unable to see myself from other people’s point of view, and all. But I guess being socially underdeveloped and preferring to live in my internal headspace is “weird”, so, that. 3. what has been the hardest thing about growing up? what was the easiest thing about it? was there ever a time when you wanted to stay young forever? was there ever a time when you wished that you could be older?: >> The hardest thing about growing up was dealing with traumatic events without proper assistance or support. (Which is why I’m so behind on dealing with them.) The easiest thing about growing up was just... the passage of time, I guess. That stops for no one. I don’t recall ever thinking I wanted to stay young forever, but of course when I was young I wanted to be an adult so I could start making my own decisions and running my own life. 4. which age milestone has been the most meaningful to you (ie. 16. 18. 21. etc.)? what did you do for that birthday?: >> I’ve never had much use for the standard age milestones. 5. do you use sarcasm on a daily basis? do you have any favorite sarcastic comebacks? how about a favorite sarcastic television-show character?: >> I don’t think I use sarcasm very often. I don’t know what my favourite sarcastic comeback would be, either. I can’t think of a sarcastic tv show character right now.

6. who was the last person you yelled at? do you often yell at this person? are you on good terms with them again, or are you still upset with them?: >> I don’t remember the last time I yelled at someone.

7. if you work, do you get along with your coworkers? which one of them have you known the longest? is your current place of work somewhere that you plan to stay for a long time?: >> --- 8. name three items that have much sentimental value to you. who gave you these items, and for what occasion? do you ever have a harder time throwing away things that people have given you?: >> My plushies have sentimental value, because they’re... plushies. I don’t know. Sometimes I’m not sure I know what sentimental value really is, because I’m ruthless when it comes to downsizing and getting rid of stuff I don’t need or use.

9. in general, would you rather spend the majority of the day at school or at work? what is the longest amount of time that you have spent at either of those places?: >> --- 1o. name some trends that you really enjoy. how did you find out about them? do you know anyone else who likes them as well?: >> I don’t really know what’s trendy. There’s stuff I like that a lot of other people like, too, obviously... but I don’t know if that makes them trends or not. I really just don’t pay attention to this sort of thing. 11. who do you speak with more often: your online friends, or those that you see face-to-face? of which type of friend do you have more? which of those friendships do you value the most?: >> --- 12. when was the last time you felt confused about something? is this a subject that often confuses you?: >> I don’t remember. 13. are you often misunderstood, or do you think that people can get where you are coming from pretty well? do you think that you have a good ability to understand others? if yes, explain?: >> I don’t know how often I’m misunderstood. I feel like I have a hard time making myself understood sometimes, but I don’t know if that’s true or not. I think I have a pretty decent ability to understand others, especially considering I had to really work at my cognitive empathy over time. It doesn’t always come easy. 14. when was the last time that you had a headache? what did you do, if anything, to help it feel better? which is worse for you: headaches or stomach aches?: >> Last night. I took an Aleve. I’d rather have a headache than a stomachache. 15. have you ever had a crush on someone you met online? if yes, what happened between you and that person? do you think that online relationships are legitimate relationships? explain your stance?: >> I’ve been interested (in whatever fashion) in people I knew online. One of those people is my most recent ex, for example. I do think online relationships are legitimate, because... I don’t think any form of relationship is illegitimate? It’s also less difficult for me to understand physically distant relationships because I... am a physically distant person, lmao. 16. out of all of your past friendships and romantic relationships, which one was the worst? if that person were to show up at your place, would you be willing to talk to them?: >> I don’t want to rank any as “the worst”. I don’t see that as helpful. Also, only one of those people knows where I live, and I don’t think they’d show up here anyway. 17. if any, how many friends have you made in the past year? how many have you lost? is making friends something at which you are good, or does it take you awhile to form friendships?: >> I don’t know if I’ve made any friends. I still don’t really know what a friend is right now. Could definitely use some external insight in this area. 18. if you are 18 or older, did reaching your 18th birthday make you feel like you were an adult? if not, what moment (or moments) made you feel like you were finally maturing?: >> I “felt” like an adult because everyone around me said I was. But I didn’t really understand what that meant, and the feeling was only superficial. Mostly I felt crazy, because I was pretty crazy back then. I needed more support, not to be thrown out into the world and left to my own devices, but I guess I made it through all right in the end. I’m alive, ain’t I. 19. would you say that you are typically more or less mature than people your own age? why do you think this is? do you ever look down on people who are less mature, or (if you are “immature”) do people look down on you?: >> I don’t know how to grok or compare maturity. I’m just wherever I am, and I don’t feel the need to measure that. I don’t look down on people for behaving immaturely, especially if they’re young. Like, it’s all part of the process, dude. Let people live and learn. 20. when was the last time that you felt paranoid, and why? do you often feel nervous, or are you more of the mellow type? do you know anyone who is nervous or worrying all the time?: >> The last time I felt paranoid was last night because my heart rate was elevated for about an hour, randomly. But I guess hearts just be like that sometimes. I don’t often feel nervous, I’d say I’m more mellow than anything else although I do have my high-strung moments. Most of the people I know are some level of anxious on a regular basis, so I guess I’m an anomaly. 21. if you have a formspring account, what do you think of it? do you think that you will keep using that site for a long while, or will you be giving it up soon? how many questions have people asked you so far?: >> I haven’t used Formspring since it was popular for that short burst of time. 22. when driving/or when riding in the car, do you ever get pissed off at other drivers? how often would you say this happens, if ever? do you know anyone who has some serious road-rage?: >> I’m the passenger, so other drivers have little to no effect on me. I don’t think I know anyone with actual road rage. 23. as a kid, did your parents force you to eat everything on your plate? if you had them, how did you feel about family meal times? if you were to have children, would you have structured meals with them?: >> I don’t remember, honestly. I don’t recall having any feelings about having to eat meals with my parent, either. It was just normalised. Regardless of whether I ever raise a child or not, I do sometimes miss structured meals, for the bonding aspect (I’m very interested in the connection between food and social bonds, you see), and for the routine/ritual aspect. But that’s just not the kind of household I live in, so. 24. what was the last new thing that you tried? what is something you did a long time ago that you might like to do again?: >> I tried this little snack I found at the Asian market earlier today. It was good as hell, as I’d expected. I don’t know about the second question. 25. do you like it when life falls into a routine, or does routine-ness tend to bother you? when was the last time you went out and did something on the spur of the moment? when was the last time you sat home all day?: >> I am naturally routine-averse; I need variety to stay interested and engaged. Even if I enjoy something, if I do it every day at the same time or whatever, I’ll get bored real fast. But I do sometimes seek out routine when I’m stressed, and I think that goes back to those multiple hospitalisations and the strict and bland routine they imposed. Weird shit becomes comforting when the brain is under pressure, lmao. 26. what kind of things are sold in the last store to which you went? did you make any purchases while you were there? is that some place that you will going back to soon?: >> Everything, it was a big-box store. I didn’t buy anything because they didn’t have what I wanted to buy. We shop there very often, yes. 27. what is your least favorite part about going to the doctor? what about going to the dentist? which of those people would you rather see?: >> Being touched is my least favourite part. I guess I’d rather go to the doctor, though, because that’s less invasive (most of the time). 28. do you ever take care of anyone younger than you (ie. babysitting, watching a younger sibling, etc)? do you like doing this, or does it get to be a hassle?: >> No. 29. is there anything that your parents do that you hope to do for your potential future children? is there something your parents do that you will not be repeating if you have kids of your own?: >> In the unlikely event, I’d say... I hope to inspire creativity by being a creative person, and I hope to not be so strict and standoffish that I give said child an attachment disorder.

[easilydistractedbyfanfic]

Blog Summary Tag Game

Find your fandom kru and help them find you. Answer the following and include the tag #the100blog in your answer, then tag some of the blogs you follow.

Great idea, and thank you @osleyakomwonkru & @viviansternwood for tagging me - I read both of your summaries with interest!

1. What are your primary topics?

I got a tumblr blog during S5 of the 100 because I just needed to finally talk about the show with other people (been watching since S1 though), so The 100 and the characters of Raven & Murphy in particular are my primary subjects. I’d say they’re about 85% of my content, tossing in a few other shows I like (TUA, Twin Peaks, Buffy, Peaky Blinders, Altered Carbon, GOT, Marvel stuff...) and then also very progressive politics, some gardening stuff (I have a big garden) and posts I find funny. 

I started writing Murven fanfic soon after S5 started as well, so I post updates about that and am always open to messages about my stories. 

2. What tags should a visitor check?

I’m not the greatest at this considering I’m still a bit new, but I use a few tags frequently =  #murven, #murphy x raven, #the 100 spoilers, #my meta, character names, and then in the hiatus waiting for S6, I used #is it season 6 yet. Otherwise I mostly tag the name of the show or the ‘ship’ I’m posting about. 

3. What do you love about The 100?

I love that it’s so gray! I’m on the “older” side of fandom (I have 2 young children), and I am involved in local politics where I live. I’m an empathetic person and the world we are living in today brings me a lot of grief. It sounds strange that I would choose a dystopian tv show watch in my downtime, but I have always loved sci-fi and the delve into the darker aspects of human nature, and this show speaks to me on quite a few levels, especially when I relate it to the world stage we face in our own timeline. The show is not perfect, and I am frequently angry about some issues, but overall, it’s done a wonderful job of creating characters with intriguing backgrounds and motivations, and I love dissecting the character choices and emotional struggles they go through. So much of our own lives feel like a battle these days, and while it may not be the physical struggle that the characters on The 100 face, I relate to the desire of wanting to do the right thing but often feeling like your efforts are for naught and your successes are very short-lived. 

My favourite living characters are Raven, Murphy & Diyoza 

My favorite dead characters are Sinclair & Luna (honorable mention to barrette dad!)

My favourite ships are Murven & Kabby, and I am rooting for some Niytavia this season. Throw Diyoza into anything and she’ll make that work too.

4. What do you hate/what frustrates you about The 100?

Like a lot of fans who really enjoy the characters in this show, I’m constantly frustrated over how frequently plot takes precedence over characterization. When things feel out of character, ignored, or only happening to help the plot along, I am taken out of the show because it doesn’t feel ‘right’ to me. But when things are flowing and it all makes sense and the characters are reacting like they are true to themselves - ahhh, now THAT is why I’m watching. 

And I have seen others mention this, but when it comes to fandom, I am very surprised how many fans choose a favorite character but then decide that every other character is “bad/wrong/evil” if that character in any way is at odds with their favorite. Like they can’t acknowledge the faults of their own favorite, even though this entire show is built around the idea that everyone is morally gray...It’s baffling to me as a fan and I think is contributing to this idea that entertainment should either be “good” or “bad” with no middle ground, which is completely absurd. I’ve talked about it a lot with other fans, and I think the suggestion that fans relate to a character so much and then feel personally attacked if that character is going through something may be correct. But that also feels concerning because such a reactionary attitude when you don’t have all the facts (ie, the next episode may resolve the conflict, or the next scene may take it in another direction, or in fact, there are valid reasons for characters to be fighting/angry with each other but that doesn’t mean that EITHER of them are wrong for their feelings and/or that doesn’t mean that they won’t work through it eventually) - is concerning to me, especially in this political climate. It’s like the authoritarian worldview we’re seeing come out in politics around the world - people aren’t thinking critically (and no, that doesn’t mean just complaining) and people aren’t thinking big picture. I could say a lot more, honestly (what else is new!), but it absolutely meshes with purity culture, authoritarianism and what I see as a lack of empathy because people are so focused on themselves. Again, this comes from someone who may often have been a silent fan but has been present in a variety of fandoms for a long time, and certainly that shapes my own two cents. 

My least favourite living characters - I don’t love every living character but I don’t hate any of them either. I get FRUSTRATED for sure though, and while I love Kane & Abby typically, I’m not liking their attitudes lately and really hope that clears up soon. 

My NOTPs - I’m absolutely a “ship and let ship” fan, but I truly don’t get the idea of Clurphy. And since I’ve wanted Murven since 1x10 (yes, I know this is weird), I have never been a fan of mem0ri and didn’t like the rushed setup of z@ven that made no sense to me

5. Is this exclusively a The 100 blog?

No, but about 85%, if not more. And absolutely Raven x Murphy/Murven obsessed. If you like them too, well then, come sit by me and I’ll happily talk your ear off and let you do the same!

6. What else should people know?

I have a small circle of close friends in real life, and none of them watch the 100 (I don’t watch their shows either, LOL). So I am always super interested in chatting about it with other fans! I always reply via Ao3 comments, inbox asks and DMs, and in fact - let me give fair warning that once I get going, I just keep going and going. My metas are LONG and I will cite my sources! LOL! Please keep in mind that most of my time is spent with two young children so adult discourse is like catnip to me! Honestly, it’s love for the characters that motivates me and I just really like diving into them. I have made other fandom friends via random asks & comments, and I think that’s one of the great things about this show. 

And I would also just like to say that overall I think the 100 fandom is really great, and a big shout out to all the Murven shippers who have welcomed me & eagerly accepted my stories! 

Gonna tag some mutuals & please know if I missed you, you ARE included here and it is just that my memory is not perfect and nothing else! And only play if you want to, obviously!

@anilengka, @deweysdenouement, @idontwantto10, @mamabearsdontthink, @johnmurphysass, @arkadiaschancellor, @mastertano, @cicichip, @amidnightjen, @sly2o, @bettsfic, @asroarke, @octannibal-blake, @youleftme-clarke, @brienneknighted, @potpourri-of-ecclecticism, @izzycheeese, @sarka-stically, @paintingbellarke @electricalice, @jarleene, @bellofthesky

[bezzuba]

hey stingray.. u should.. talk about.. ur opinions about how hiccup and toothless grow together as a pair over the course of the movies... and also perhaps ur thoughts (again) about how the third movie agrees with or conflicts against ur views on their friendship and their development..

the httyd films do a wonderful job when it comes to showing how hiccup has grown over the course of his friendship with toothless, and it is very heartwarming to see. toothless’ growth, however, isn’t as explicitly displayed and it is easy for many to mistake what is arguably character development / progression for character degradation / deadlock. in this essay, i aim to rectify that by pointing out a few of the many things toothless has learnt and become for the better through his friendship with hiccup.

flskdjf no but for real thank you for sending this in julie! i feel like…a lot of people equate toothless’ ‘softening’ over the years he spends in berk to Domestication™ ( he’s tamed / trained / made accustomed to humans / literally any other related word that is not ‘domesticated’, lads…i’m no expert and maybe it’s just a case of semantics but domestication is an inborn rather than acquired trait that appears over the course of many generations, lads… ) and like. it makes sense! toothless isn’t a human so him acclimatising to living with them sure would count as Domestication™ but. consider this…dragons aren’t humans…but they’re sentient…self-aware…not as much as humans maybe but they’re clearly on a similar level. that softening? to me, it’s not ‘taming’ so much as it is toothless learning that trust and empathy are just as powerful + effective as domination and apathy.

i’m not saying that toothless isn’t not, to some degree and by human definition, tamed. living in a dragon-receptive, enriching environment like berk has absolutely had some effect on things like hunting style, reactions to threats, and cognitive processes in general; the shift in focus from surviving each day to actually doing more than just surviving + the fact that environmental enrichment has been proven to promote brain activity through increased synaptogenesis means toothless literally cannot think like a typical non-berkian dragon. i just. strongly dislike how people think of toothless more as an animal than someone who is simply non-human. the distinction is hard to explain but like. from what i’ve seen, for them, emotional and cognitive growth is Bad. toothless can’t not be the wary, mysterious dragon we see in the first film. he can’t be ‘downgraded’ into a playful nerd who doesn’t immediately harm every human that approaches him.

it. says A Lot about their Edge ( “a character opening up to literally anyone? unacceptable!” ) + their understanding of interesting and realistic characters. like? opposing qualities in a character aren’t? mutually exclusive?? a toothless who is an adorable fucking dweeb and a toothless who is majestic and takes no shit from anyone aren’t! mutually exclusive! they can be! the same toothless! a character! can have more than one (1) facet! god just. this notion that toothless trusting hiccup + berk’s humans enough to be vulnerable around them is somehow inferior to toothless Being Wild And Alone Forever is so! overrated! let jaded characters learn how to be soft and trusting you cowards! let characters who have been lonely for their entire life learn what and how it is to be connected you cowards!

maybe i’m looking too deeply into toothless. maybe it’s because i write him and toothless ( as anyone with self-awareness would ) sees himself as a person, not as an animal distinctly separate from a human. i don’t fucking know but i don’t appreciate it when people narrow toothless, a lovely character with an identity outside of ‘dragon who was befriended by a human’, down to literally just that.

flkdsjg okay enough complaining…more expanding on + gushing about how Best Tier this interspecies friendship is. i’ll try to leave my headcanons out of this but if i happen to not succeed in doing that you can’t blame me for doing what canon was too afraid to do ( which is explain things and make sense )

so first off! can i just talk about how important hiccup and toothless’ bond is, not just to people like me who would fucking kill for more media content with a strong emphasis on platonic soulmates, but also to the characters themselves? i have seen a lot of people make very logical, very probable inferences about toothless being hiccup’s first actual friend but please also consider the idea that hiccup might be toothless’ first actual friend, too!

we don’t know a lot about toothless’ past in canon but there are some things that can be confirmed for sure / with 99% surety:

he was separated from fellow night furies at a young age.

i say this with 100% certainty lmao there is no other way to explain his estrangement with his ‘night fury side’, which in httyd3 is depicted as his keen unfamiliarity with his species’ mating dance.

not the best depiction but i’ll give dreamw.orks a reluctant pass for that because although courtship rituals are genetically hardwired ( i.e. toothless inherently knows what ‘steps’ to take and what to do ), if he hasn’t ever seen one initiated before he probably would not know what to do when one is initiated to him ( i.e. he has no context for these ‘steps’; he doesn’t actually know that they’re a part of a courtship ritual ).

ig there’s also that thing about him not knowing he can harness lightning or whatever, but the fact that the first thing that popped into my head was that mating dance scene when i thought about how httyd3 depicted toothless’ disconnect with his ‘night fury side’ probably speaks something of how much they handwaved away any explanation for that phenomenon + consequently lowered the mnemonic impact of it

he was as much of an outcast in the red death’s nest as hiccup was in berk.

this is said with less certainty than the assumption above it but like. in the first film, hiccup says toothless “never steals food, never shows [himself], and…never misses” and we see toothless destroying human weapons / constructions. it all sets toothless up to be this Ultimate dragon to humans but can you imagine what that looks and sounds like to a dragon who is part of the red death’s flock?

“never stealing food?? what the fuck, courts danger?? do you want to die??? the queen’s gonna eat you what the fuck!”

i hc that she doesn’t eat toothless because she associates his presence in raids with more dragons coming back ( as she should because destroying human contraptions that trap / kill dragons makes it harder for them to. y’know. trap / kill dragons ), which equates to more food being brought back

so she makes one (1) exception for this quietly defiant but very amusing flock-subject

and everyone’s probably aware of that but they’re also like WHAT IF THIS IS THE DAY SHE CHANGES HER MIND BRING SOME FOOD BACK I DON’T WANT TO SEE ANOTHER EATEN!!

“what! are! you! shooting! at! it’s just weird dead-bark and metal! and that’s dead-bark and still-fire, what the fuck at least shoot at human dens if you’re gonna shoot at dead-bark!”

it’s very obvious to us humans what most of the contraptions we see in berk are used for but to dragons? dragons who don’t have the same cognitive processing and are probably too busy trying to gtfo with some food to figure out what this weird human shit does?

listen. we see toothless disarming humans. the dragons see toothless doing something they don’t understand for reasons they don’t understand.

HM DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR

okay he probably wasn’t an outcast per se but he was. definitely avoided.

basically, toothless was alone just like hiccup was!

so yeah. they changed the world with their friendship but their friendship absolutely changed their worlds first. that fact alone is delicious enough but then you look at what their relationship is actually like and god! finally_some_good_fucking_food.jpeg

i love! the comfort! the faith! the trust! the ease in which they touch and calm and talk to and fly with and sleep on and just…be with each other. we don’t see it much in httyd because duh, prologue but. there’s this sense of…complete and utter security in their bond by the time httyd2 comes around. they know each other so well. they love each other so much.

hiccup, completely unafraid of the plasma blasts detonating dangerously close to his fairly immobile, very vulnerable form. hiccup, trusting in toothless’ faith in him as he splays a simple hand out to stop him. hiccup, “TOOTHLESS!” / “HEY! you left my dragon back there! he can’t fly on his own! he’ll drown!” / “we have to head back for my dragon!”

toothless, willing to support hiccup’s decisions even if they are stupid af. toothless, trusting in hiccup’s judgement and ability to defuse situations where he would have exacerbated them. toothless, so ready to shield hiccup from harm from anything or anyone.

hiccup, terrified for toothless even as he grieves for his father. hiccup, ignoring drago, ignoring the bewilderbeast, pleading one more time for toothless. hiccup, willing to die reaching if only to have toothless reach back. hiccup, “please. you are my best friend, bud.” / “my best friend.”

toothless, sensitive to hiccup’s upset and wanting so badly to make it go away. toothless, waiting as the haziness becomes clearer, waiting for the touch, the face, the voice. toothless, willing to fight “the strength of will over others” to reach back. toothless, “he’s challenging the alpha!” / “to protect you!”

god there’s so much more but if i listed every single detail about their friendship as observed in httyd2 this answer wouldn’t be ready for posting for like. at least a week

and even before they reach that stage, those decisions in httyd that go from hesitant to confident…

hiccup, tentatively trusting this dragon to eat the fish and not his fingers. hiccup, sticking around because he’s got no better place to be in and no better company to be with. hiccup, reaching and reaching and reaching.

toothless, wary and mistrustful but willing to give this human a chance. toothless, mimicking hiccup rather than completely disregarding him or chasing him off. toothless, slowly…cautiously…hopefully…reaching back.

hiccup, throwing his cheat sheet to the wind and relying on instinct and trust alone. hiccup, standing tall under astrid’s doubt and saying with full conviction: yes. hiccup, casting his helmet and viking status aside because he can’t not see a bit of toothless in every dragon now. hiccup, jumping onto a burning ship with no goddamn fucking hesitation to free a trapped toothless. hiccup, falling into the fire of his own creation, into the end of a centuries old war.

toothless, putting his faith in this human who has never once flown in his entire life and then putting even more faith in this human who quite literally throws caution to the wind. toothless, climbing out of the cove not for himself but for hiccup. toothless, going against instinct and swallowing his fire because hiccup screamed “NO!”. toothless, terrified for his hecking life but willing to “stay with me, buddy, we’re good, just a little bit longer” and “hold, toothless…NOW!”. toothless, falling into the fire with hiccup, determined to make this the end of one thing only.

PLUS SO MUCH MORE. these are only from the first two films alone; gotnf gives us even more Good Content and i’m just! fuck! i love two dweebs! i love hiccup and toothless so much!

and now for specific character growth / developments that i will never get over…i won’t talk about hiccup because i am nearing 2000 words BUT TOOTHLESS…LISTEN. toothless never used to drink “have mercy on others” juice. he never used to drink “don’t shoot or maim or otherwise injure when provoked” juice. he never used to drink “give others a chance because everyone deserves a chance” and “not everyone is out to kill you or hurt you or take everything you love and cherish away from you” juice. but after bonding with hiccup? he’s hooked! he’s so hooked! he is more willing to lean into faith rather than doubt! he is more willing to believe in an after rather than a never! he is more willing to compromise rather than overlook! he is more willing! to empathise!! i’m so emo!

i already talked a bit about how he comes to trust enough to be vulnerable ( i.e. not constantly guarded / cautious ) around berkians and like…can you imagine how big of an achievement that is for someone like him? for someone who has been alone for so much of his life? for someone who knows what it’s like to be forced to be vulnerable for someone they don’t trust at all? I’M SO! EMO!

HICCUP FINDING STRENGTH IN TOOTHLESS? TOOTHLESS FINDING STRENGTH IN HICCUP?? MmMmMm that’s some good shit ( Good Shit ) right there!!

i have…a lot more screaming about their friendship + love for each other to do but i’m tired and you can tell so i’ll wrap this up with some more opinions on httyd3′s Bad Tier handling of toothless’ character and the consequent portrayal of his bond with hiccup! i know you’ve already read it julie but if anyone who’s read to this far hasn’t already seen it…maybe take a peek at my first essay™ here…

i haven’t seen the final movie in a while so my memory of it might be a little shit but i’m glad that they at least maintained some element of that gentle ease / security / comfort we see in httyd2. definitely not as much as i’d hoped, but i would’ve been able to deal with that — maybe even justify it — if they hadn’t also insulted hict.ooth’s friendship for the sake of a ‘love at first sight!’ romance i can’t get behind multiple, multiple, MULTIPLE times.

i failed to address this in my first httyd3 critical post BUT LIKE. the way EVERYONE acts like and states that toothless ignoring / dismissing hiccup was a very natural, logical consequence of him being interested in the light fury ( which he. defs would stop being after she nearly killed what is literally half of him oh my goOoOod ) was so! fucking! insulting! to not only hiccup + toothless’ bond, but also to almost everything this franchise stands for and the characters themselves!

after six years of seeing hiccup and toothless interact with + love each other, do you really think HICCUP’S FRIENDS would say “well, what did you expect?” to toothless leaving?? do you really think that they would imply that toothless only stayed with hiccup because he didn’t have a choice? ‘maybe they don’t understand the weight of their bond, stingray’ AFTER SIX GODDAMN YEARS OF SEEING IT DEVELOP AND DEEPEN??? and maybe they don’t but surely they understand how important toothless is to hiccup and wouldn’t make a callous comment like that RIGHT?? god i’m so ready to throw hands at dreamw.orks for having astrid say “he didn’t have any reason to” to hiccup’s “he didn’t leave before” i am sO r e A d Y

also just the fact that IT’S IMPLIED THAT TOOTHLESS ONLY STAYED WITH HICCUP BECAUSE HE DIDN’T HAVE A CHOICE / ANY REASON NOT TO?? it’s so gross what the heck dreamw.orks why bring gotnf up if you’re just going to retcon it i don’t understand!

httyd3 is a good movie in that it is very evocative, has an insanely lovely colour palette + insanely amazing soundtrack, and tries its best to give a satisfying ending to “the friendship of a lifetime”. i love it and will absolutely be rewatching it so many times when it’s released on blu-ray, but it’s not perfect and i could go on and on and ON about the tragedy that is toothless’ characterisation.

flskdjg okay i’ve run out of steam now so tl;dr:

thank you so much for asking for my opinion so respectfully julie this was a delight to see in my inbox + a delight to answer

i love toothless and hiccup

I LOVE TOOTHLESS AND HICCUP

I LOVE! TOOTHLESS! AND HICCUP!

i am never getting over my love-hate for httyd3

[cleverbroadwayurl]

The Lady of Shalott (Connor Murphy x SlightlyFem!Reader)

Word Count: 2692

A/N: Me??? Writing Connor Murphy like Chloe Price from Before the Storm??? Yes. Also! I implied a little bit of fem!reader, and I did ask if anyone was against that, and no one said no, so uhhh here it is! I tried to make it not so tough to read but it’s hard to do that when you’re talking about the Victorians who were kinda snooty. Also! This is a real poem! I have a love of it, and the paintings are absolutely stunning! Just do a quick Google search to find them! And uhh if you want to be tagged in all of my work, you need to let me know bc I don’t know about that right now. 

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of marital assault, mentions of assault, mentions of Victorian era laws (which are horribly sexist), some dickwad, bad ending, language IF I MISSED ANY PLEASE LET ME KNOW

Connor rubbed his eye with his hand before checking the analog clock once again. 7:28. Fuck first period. With a glance at the board, he was met with the empty white surface. A hint of dread rose within him. Ever since his British Literature teacher said that everyone from the Romantic Era had died by the time the Victorian Era came around, except of course, for Connor’s least favorite poet, he’d been preparing for the worst ever since.

He hadn’t done his homework from the night before. It wasn’t like he wouldn’t normally do it—he typically liked English. His dad on the other hand, he did not like. Connor scoffed at last night’s fading memory, the image of Zoe’s cookie dough ice cream wrapped into his arm, a spoon in the other, while Larry went batshit about “stealing your perfect sister’s ice cream” for the fifth time that month. It wasn’t like he was taking it. He just wanted something sweet at 2 AM instead of sleeping. It wasn’t like he could sleep anyways. He was out of weed anyways. Fuck sleep. Fuck Larry. Fuck Perfect Zoe’s ice cream.

“Alright let’s get started,” Mr. Rand called out, picking up his anthology and flipped through the pages. “The Lady of Shalott. What do we think?”

Wait a minute. Connor had read that poem. Well, not read. No, Connor had enjoyed that poem, which was a first, especially ever since the bastard Wordsworth came into his life. He was silently thanking whoever he could—fate maybe—that it wasn’t that pretentious dick who loved nature so much he thought that “God himself has created Heaven on Earth” or some dumb shit. No, this was a fairytale poem about a badass lady who looked out her window, saw an attractive man, and then was banished to death by a curse that was placed on her years ago. It was like a really dark fairytale. And Connor had a soft spot for the original Brother’s Grimm stories.

And, on the bright side, he wouldn’t have to lock himself in the bathroom for getting so fed up with Wordsworth’s outlook on life (well, that and his classmate’s discussion) and how everything would be perfect if we all just loved nature. Yeah, Connor tried that. It didn’t work even a little bit. If anything, it made things worse for him. Being alone with his thoughts was not a good phenomenon, to say the absolute very least. So a break from the nature-loving freak himself was like walking under a waterfall into a right of passage.

“I think it’s like a fairytale!”

It was going to be one of those discussions. Alright. Fine. Connor took a deep breath and hoped that the conversation would get a little bit more exciting before he would leave and chill in the silence of the bathroom while everything around him remained still. It was the one thing he could control; that he could keep calm. He decided he’d give it another 20 minutes before leaving.

He chose to zone out a little bit, his pencil doodling a little boat, scarves and rags coming out of it. He’d draw the actual Lady of Shalott later. It was now that Connor wished he’d gotten a coffee from literally anywhere to help him stay awake and fight off his usual headache of not sleeping. When he’d been open about his head hurting before, kids started to laugh at him; mock him for being “too hungover to even talk about poetry”. The truth was that he was never actually hung over—extremely hungry, yeah, but that was kind of a given. And that was another thing that the coffee he so desperately craved helped with. He knew it was too late to get it right now, though. His drawing was just only getting started, guidelines still very prominent.

His black nail polish hit the paper, and he stopped for a second, assessing the damage that had been done. He liked it. Yeah, it was a new wave of hurt, it could symbolize the violent calmness of the Lady’s death. Connor made a few more marks, giving the image a real feeling of rage and empathy. He liked it. It was more than pretty. It was telling of what he assumed deaths of this caliber were like.

“Let’s talk about some Victorian history, okay?” The teacher queued up his PowerPoint before walking back to the front of the class, adjusting his blazer just slightly. Why was this teacher so pretentious? He was always way too chipper for this time of day; it was like he’d just swallowed a spoonful of straight caffeine. Connor rolled his eyes before pulling out a pen for the accents of his drawing.

“Now, in the Victorian era, women were typically referred to Angels of the Household. They did practically everything in their power to make the home perfect and ‘just so’ for her husband.

“Another term came along with the Angel of the Household, however. That term was Fallen Angel; or a woman who did not do the chores she was expected to and would also often commit adultery. Now, adultery was a pretty common thing among men, especially since divorce was so unheard of and frankly only for the exceedingly rich. And if the woman committed adultery, the husband and the rest of society would shun her, causing her death or causing her to be exiled. The deaths were a lot more frequent and usually were water based. Women would jump off bridges or purposely drown themselves in some way or another. Given this new information, what can we say about the Lady of Shalott?”

“She got what was coming to her.”

Connor rolled his eyes. He had to restrain throwing his pen at that one kid. He didn’t know names, but knew that that kid was more annoying and ruder than Jared Kleinman. Connor watched as the kid smiled smugly as the teacher tried to continue the conversation with the class, leaving that comment out. While the comment was a joke to the kid, Connor knew that there was truth behind it. He refocused on his drawing.

“I think we should also talk about some laws women had to follow.”

For some reason, Connor thought of his sister. Maybe it was the events from the night before or something. It dawned upon him after a minute or so: Zoe would totally raise her hand like the dumb overachiever she is and state something completely true and wonderful about women today before giving harsh criticism to anyone else who still believed in it. He had to chuckle a little bit. While he was still definitely upset at his sister and often fought with her, sometimes fighting to purposely get a rise out of her, he kind of missed the bond they’d had before. It was weird. Connor dismissed the feeling.

“Women weren’t allowed to file any kind of lawsuit without her husband’s or father’s consent. That includes divorce. And, if they somehow got the money and consent, women couldn’t divorce based on adultery alone like men could.”

Connor turned back to his work once more before he could hear the discussion around that. He didn’t want to hear the discussion around that. If he did, he’d have to leave for the bathroom, and he still had 5 minutes to stick it out before making his final decision to skip or not. So, instead of listening to the cringeworthy conversation, he chose to add medallions to his boat and begin the figure of the Lady of Shalott.

“Good question, Ellie! Women were legally obligated to submit to their husbands. As in, martial assault was completely legal and encouraged. It wouldn’t be many years until that law was changed.”

“Wait! So like assault was legal?”

“No! Not at all, actually! Let me give an example of this.” Connor hoped he wouldn’t be picked. If Mr. Rand used him in an example where he was the bad person, the class would break out into laughter and his entire day would be ruined. He’d have to leave, he’d have to find a new way to cope with this bullshit because his fucking dealer wasn’t getting back to him. Everyone called him a freak now, he couldn’t imagine what it would be like if the teacher called him something like a predator to an entire sex.

“Let’s say Jenna and Erik were married, and Erik assaults Jenna. That’s legal in this time period. But now let’s say Connor and (Y/N) were married—(Y/N) being the feminine figure in this situation” FUCK “They live a very happy marriage, love each other very much, and neither have done anything wrong. But let’s say one day someone forces (Y/N) into a situation they don’t want to be in. That would be illegal because (Y/N) and their assaulter aren’t married. Does that make sense?”

Connor suddenly met your gaze, each of you embarrassed as the other. You quietly eyed your pencil quickly after, a blush ever prominent on your features. You looked up after a solid thirty seconds, refocusing on taking notes on the class’s discussion. Someone else spoke up about you as your eyes met your notebook again, not shifting up this time.

“So if (Y/N) wanted to file a lawsuit, they’d need Connor’s consent?”

This was just getting worse and worse by the minute. Connor counted. He’d been here past the 20 minute mark a while ago. He had 10 minutes left before he could escape. Connor wasn’t going to the bathroom, though. No, he was going home. This was too much for him and his lack of sleep.

“Yes, that’s correct! And I’m sure Connor would gladly give it, as two people in this time period generally love and care for their spouse, even if this time period’s art don’t depict that.”

Connor didn’t need to see your face to know you were beet red. He kept staring at you until he made eye contact again. He shot you a look of sadness. Connor knew what was coming. The kids around you would start calling you a freak, would start making fun of you for this teacher’s dumb move. He had never talked to you, but knew from various things he’d heard around the school that you just kind of kept to yourself and were generally a nice person. You didn’t deserve to be harassed for something that was out of your control. You didn’t—fuck was Connor turning into Zoe?

“Would Connor even do it? Because how does he know that (Y/N) isn’t lying about their acts of adultery?”

Now Connor couldn’t hold it in as he watched  your face meet the light and contort into utter horror. You scooted your chair away from this kid, eyes fixated on your desk as you did so. Even from his seat across the room, he could sense your discomfort and your attempts at distracting yourself from the thoughts that oh-so-obviously clouded your mind. He could see how you held your breath. The tighter that your inhale became, the tighter that Connor’s fist and jaw clenched.

“Because unlike you, I actually believe in the people who come forward about a very personal and traumatizing experience, asswipe.”

“Language, Mr. Murphy.”

Connor’s face turned red and slumped into his seat. Although, he had been victorious. You were staring now, pencil not moving as he could see your heavy breaths take over. He relaxed a little bit at that, but not enough to stop crumpling the drawing he’d created at the beginning of class. His eyes shifted from you to that one kid, fight blazing in his heart.

“Connor is right, though,” Mr. Rand continued, “He would believe them because why would you lie about that kind of thing, especially when that’s your spouse? You wouldn’t. Studies have shown that even in today’s society, you can’t even pay people a million dollars to lie about being assaulted. So, why lie? No one does, Mr. Bernstein. You’re just trying to justify your own actions.”

But the kid—Bernstein apparently—smirked at Connor, happy he’d gotten a rise out of him. Bernstein didn’t even listen to the speech that Mr. Rand gave so eloquently and wonderfully, but to be fair, Connor didn’t either. No, instead each of them were staring at each other, one in victory and the other in pure plotting. He knew that he couldn’t get revenge on this dick now, but soon. Yeah, Connor would beat the shit out of him soon.

“Hey, Connor, right?”

Connor didn’t even notice that you’d stepped up to his desk, he had been so involved in making that one kid fucking pay for his actions. His eyes were now meeting your nervous ones, and Connor tried his hardest to seem less intimidating. It probably didn’t help that he’d chosen to wear all black and was staring at Bernstein like he was going to kill him. And a part of him knew that he couldn’t help being intimidating—rumors spread around this school almost better than cholera had in the Victorian age. To you, and everyone else, he was scary and unstable, ready to strike at any moment. He wished it wasn’t like that, especially with someone who was as needlessly as nice as you. And now, he had proof that the rumors were true.

You were making an effort to at least be nice to the poor kid who sometimes can’t keep his feelings in check. Yeah, he has outbursts, he just wished they weren’t as often as they were. And you knew that—or at least, he assumed you knew that. And yet, you were still talking to him, like he were a real person and like everybody else in the entire school didn’t treat him like some zoo animal that they didn’t even pay to see.

“I just wanted to say thank you for like…defending me back there. That kid deserved it.” You smiled nervously, shifting your feet as you stood in front of his desk.

“Yeah. No problem.” He stated, trying to be as not scary as he could be, “Human beings need to be treated with respect, you know? Plus, that one kid calls me a—”

“Hey freak!”

Connor’s hands balled up and his breathing became staggered. He quickly packed up his stuff before walking off, giving you a small nod as he continued on with his day. It was almost like for a moment he’d forgotten he was in this shit school with people who commit fuckery at all hours of the day. He stepped into the bathroom; choosing to at least try to go to second period. But he’d have to be late. Yeah, he needed to calm down from that encounter and he just…he couldn’t take anyone with that shitty sense of humor at the moment.

^^^

Connor rubbed his eye with his hand as he walked into the classroom. 7:28. Fuck first period. With a glance at the board, he was met with the empty white surface. A hint of dread rose within him. Ever since his British Literature teacher said that everyone from the Romantic Era had died by the time the Victorian Era came around, except of course, for Connor’s least favorite poet, he’d been preparing for the worst ever since.

He hadn’t done his homework from the night before. It wasn’t like he wouldn’t normally do it—he typically liked English. But he’d lost the motivation to the night before for some reason. Maybe it was because he could hear Zoe playing guitar and humming along through the wall until about midnight. And by then, he decided he wasn’t going to do it.

Connor looked up and started for his usual spot, but it was oddly surprised to find you in the seat next to his, pulling out your notebook and offering a soft smile to him. He offered one back before sitting in his spot, careful not to accidently bump you or something. He settled, class started, and for some reason, Connor felt like first period British Literature might just be okay.