#which is weird because I am usually pretty shameless about my writing

[smaller-comfort]

So how do you imagine snail love darts and necrontyr working/combining? Cause I am interested~

Aksjdhsk ahahaha oh god okay here we go

(Tumblr crashed on me three times while I tried to write this, but I will not let that stop me from rambling at length about snail sex, speculative xenobiology, and various ways that necrontyr get to be fucked up little guys.)

Okay. Some assumptions/general thoughts: necrontyr do not have "dual-use" reproductive/waste elimination systems (inferred from Trazyn's hilarious disgust at the idea, but honestly it would be entirely believable for him to have completely lost any and all memories of necrontyr biology). A lot of higher order animals do (they're efficient!), but you start to see ones that don't when you get down to bugs and marine creatures, so that's what kicked off this train of thought.

I'm assuming also there is relatively little sexual dimorphism among necrontyr (not for any particular reason, although my understanding is that actual female necrons are a relatively new thing in wh40k lore, so that fits). And finally, everyone constantly dying of turbo cancer has led to a 'throw everything but the kitchen sink at it' evolutionary approach to reproductive strategies.

Okay, now snails: they use the darts during courtship to deliver hormones that increase the likelihood of fertilizing their partner's eggs; after the several-hours-long mating dance, they'll exchange spermatophores. (Fun fact, the penis, copulatory canal, and dart sac are all located inside the genital pore, on the snail's head. Mating dances can involve a lot of biting.) Snails have bad aim, but it's not uncommon for both snails to end up getting stabbed during courtship.

"Copulatory canal" is a deeply unsexy phrase, btw. So are most words we use when talking about sex, unfortunately. *sigh*

Anyway. While many necrontyr do only have one set of functional reproductive organs by the time they reach adulthood (either because the other set was always vestigial or because it gets removed to reduce the spread of cancer), both sets are usually present in some fashion. Sterility would be fairly common, but medical technology is able to mitigate some of that; the lower classes, at least, need to be able to breed like rabbits to feed the war machine. Gender is mostly divorced from reproductive role by the time biotransference happens; in addition to male and female, there would have been at least one other normative gender, possibly two (to account for both null and multimodal genders). Gender fluidity would have been common and largely unremarkable for necrontyr. (It's still largely unremarkable for necrons, but it's not particularly common; they're mostly fixed with whatever gender they had at biotransference.)

Okay, so, love darts. Pretty much only ever used by nobles/the military, because in the upper classes of society, sex isn't about reproduction, it's about reinforcing social hierarchies. And necrontyr social hierarchies tend to be inherently about violence in one way or another. Sexual dominance is generally more about who gets stabbed with the dart than it is about which penis is going where. (That's still a factor, but it's secondary, since genital configurations/functionality can be a bit of a wildcard.) Snails take an egalitarian approach to sex; necrontyr categorically do not. Both parties consenting to be darted would be considered weird and perverted.

Kind of going off ancient greek/roman sexual mores here; it would be entirely unthinkable, for example, for Obyron to be the penetrative partner in either sense with Zahndrekh. (Then again, Zahndrekh is a shameless pervert.) Sex between two social equals is generally accompanied by an agreement- sometimes tacit, sometimes explicit- about not using the darts. Doing so would be an overt act of aggression. Often, to prevent any potential misunderstandings, they'll voluntarily empty their dart sacs ahead of time.

Forcing someone to empty their dart sac prior to sex is a pretty common form of sexual humiliation. When done voluntarily, it's a sign of submission or respect. (Darts usually have a refractory period of a few days, depending on the person's overall health. Single-chambered dart sacs are typical, but multiples aren't unheard of. Leads to occasional 'surprise! You thought I was submitting to you but now you're getting fucked instead' situations.)

The dart sac would be located in their mouths, under the tongue; it's meant to be ejected into the soft tissue of the mouth, but it's sharp enough to pierce the skin anywhere. (This does mean kissing can be Complicated, or at least somewhat subversive, depending on everyone's social standing.) Normally it gets broken down and absorbed by the recipient's body; pulling one out tends to be extremely uncomfortable/painful.

The exact cocktail of hormones and neurochemicals it injects the other person with would vary somewhat between individuals, but can potentially vary widely between dynasties or social classes due to genetic/geographic/cultural differences. Some might include a mild paralytic agent; some sort of euphoric effect is also common. (This is all in addition to the original function, which, uh. Is to make the recipient more likely to get pregnant.) The shape of the dart varies in a similar fashion, ranging from a straight, smooth bone spike to something more elaborate with barbs or fluting.

(A bloody mouth can signify a lot of things to necrontyr- in addition to violence or illness, it's also inherently erotic. Necrons who remember this try very, very hard not to think about it when confronted with Flayed Ones.)

(Yenekh: *very sexily smearing his mouth with blood and draping himself all over Oltyx*

Oltyx: *oblivious, can't stop thinking about how pretty Yenekh is*

The rest of the flayed ones: *still not sure why their king and his consort haven't fucked nasty in a pile of carrion yet. Maybe they need a bigger pile of carrion? Yes, that's probably it. They will take care of this for their beloved king.*)

Crypteks have their own social hierarchies within their conclaves, but they're usually not as concerned with sexual politics as nobles and the military tend to be. Most people believe that crypteks all lace their love darts with poison, and the crypteks don't try to discourage that assumption. Some of them probably do, tbh.

Necrons, of course, don't have genitalia, but they can still stab each other with love dart analogues- this ranges from things like executive buffer override packages sent via interstitial channel, to actually physically jamming a spike of necrodermis into a neural input node. (From a purely aesthetic/romantic standpoint I also like the idea of love darts constructed out of crystallized core flux. The first time Zahndrekh does that to Obyron he goes into complete cascade failure and takes several hours to reboot.)

If Orikan and Trazyn did have sex pre-biotransference, one of them would have darted the other without permission (probably accidentally, being that they are both intensely nerdy losers and thus Bad At Sex by necrontyr standards), setting off a sixty-five million year hate-sex feud that neither of them can even remember the origin of. Orikan would've gone after Trazyn's mouth with a pair of pliers at some point; joke's on him, Trazyn's into that.

(Trazyn does have a collection of necrontyr love darts in the archives- all of them ones he collected personally when he was alive. He has no absolutely no memory of slutting it up back in the day, though, and probably doesn't even realize what they are. Sannet, unfortunately, does remember, and wishes he didn't. He has had to put up with so, so much over the years.)

[bitegore]

#i got thoughts on this but ill spare op#im not disagreeing i just think there's more routes than that#i got an essay to write before im allowed to monologue though

speaking as someone who has got to make their art weirder PLEASE monologue

sorry this took me so long to answer i . Forgot to finish it lOL

anyway the post in question says that the only way to make your art weirder is to find what you like and include that gratuitously, which sometimes works. I've heard people call this "feeding the id" before and so that's kind of the terms I think of it under - some of these things I really like, they get my brain going, and if I include them gratuitously it'll come out in the general story pretty intensely because I'm leaning into my premise hard.

But usually when I say I want to make my art weirder I don't really mean that I want it to be more id-driven, so much as I want it to be thought-provoking and kind of defy interpretation a little so people have to look twice at it.

Also like, honestly, I can't rely on my own id to come up with something that also strikes at an audience's id, because then I'll write long and sensual passages about (example) exchanging local currency and doing quick math on napkins in a diner and I'll be the only one remotely hanging on by the end of the first three paragraphs. It won't even be funny, really.

But a lot of weirdness is established in the, like.... level of density and uncommonness-of-juxtaposition that can be found in the separate elements of a piece of work. Something made entirely out of the pieces one expects and the things that are typically found in it compose the "standard", and to increasingly make things weird or off-standard you have to add unexpected elements or remove expected elements. I've been calling this "greebling" an idea for a while, after the way sci-fi versions of everyday items are turned into or whimsical setpieces are turned into futuristic or sci-fi-fantasy props. It's not hard to take a normal idea and add one completely out-of-left-field element that makes readers go "how the fuck did you even come up with this" (for me, anyway), and it's especially easy to stack six or seven or twenty or so ideas deep and watch a perfectly normal plot or image turn into something else entirely.

I am also like 99% sure there are other ways people make their own work weird, too many people are doing it.

That is kind of the weirdness formula, as far as I care, anyway. Because it makes it very easy to come up with borderline-absurd simplistic bullshit and then start making it compelling and interesting to think about - not by being relatable or doing what the audience wants to see or a completely shameless display of something that other people can gawk at but by just by having room to play in a concept that no one has seen done before but isn't necessarily super alien to write or draw or whatever.

Side note being that I'm not the most "creative" creative person out there - I don't make shit up, I synthesize things by putting two or more ideas together and mixing them really hard - so for me if I wanted to make something at all it'd have to be something someone else had already sort of done, in some way, anyway. That probably impacts how I come at this and if you're less interested in playing with other people's metaphorical lego blocks it might not work as well.

[monstroso]

wait no, i wanna say something about this actually

okay so one of my guiltiest pleasure is taking whatever media i'm enjoying and - usually before finishing it - opening up ao3 to see what kind of fics and pairings there are there for it.

this is fun especially for older media that won't have a dedicated fanbase because the ecosystems are usually blind cave worm-levels of specific and weird. i love a dead fandom with one active author writing their very, very niche fetish for the enjoyment of zero people. naturally, i never read any of them, but i love seeing the human tapestry woven before my eyes, naked and unashamed.

this is a bad habit i have inflicted so many times on my friends that i now get prompted about when i should do it and report my findings (which of course i am delighted by). so during one of mafia classic's extended driving segments, DJ suggests I entertain us both by doing just that.

now Mafia (Video Games) has about 550 fics on ao3. That's actually pretty good! I'm accustomed to media with like ~20 or so. here are the most popular ships:

no surprises here, except that the top ships are all in basically a dead heat, which is unusual for most fandoms but not altogether unexpected in a franchise like Mafia. there's a lot of male characters experiencing high emotion. that's compelling stuff!

but what's this first pairing here leading the pack, DJ asks? Vito and some guy named Henry? we're still on game 1 so i do some digging.

"It's the main character from the second game and his older mentor." I report back, dutifully avoiding spoilers. this premise is basically catnip to me, the unfortunate and incurable Reservoir Dogs apologist, so there's no judgement on my part. I understand completely.

Intrigued by the possibility of the potential spotify-year-end top-100-daydreams-annihilating ship that awaits me, we head into game 2. Definitive edition, of course.

so 11 hours in, i cannot tell you how disappointed i am. Vito/Henry is so fucking milquetoast. They interact like 4 times. They say like 50 words to each other. McHanzo has more substantive canon interactions. this is some of the most shameless cardboard cutouttery i've ever had the misfortune of witnessing. almost 50 fics is entirely too generous for this, the blandest of m/m combinations.

anyway, never trust the pairing list.

i like that mafia 2 somehow manages to be less gay than mafia 1 (despite not having a single named female character that isn't related to the player character) purely by dint of Vito being the least interesting man alive

[fortune-maiden]

Why is posting whump so hard >.<

[phoenix-is-the-hottest-thing]

I want to pre-emptively say that what I'm gonna ask is in good faith and I'm really curious, that said I wanted to ask since you are the one who I follow who enjoys Elysia a lot and I tend to find really interesting your readings of characters:

What is it that makes Ellie that enjoyable for you? I genuinely am perplexed because It feels to me like a character I would normally like, the whole motif of loving humanity, not by necessity or weird cult, but out of pure admiration of what humanity can be feels like something I would enjoy, but throughout the whole ER experience Elysia has always prompted an eye rolling experience to me, and I think it may be because of how much everyone seems to not be able to shut up about how great she is for a second, but I feel I'm probably biased by an annoyance I've head with her before hand from interacting with a vocal subset of fans of her wich usually ends up being "she hot, repeated sex and horn joke n.387" so I ended up kind of skimming through when dialogue involving her was present.

Sorry for the long ask but now that ER has ended I wanted to try and see If I'm missing something with her, and if you decide to respond to this long-ass ask thank you in advance, if you don't feel like I absolutely get it dw and thank you for your time

I think, first off, it's perfectly ok to not like her! She seemed to be a pretty hit or miss character, many people love her but a lot also don't like her at all. That's totally fine.

For me, first of all I liked the mystery about her. When you're really trying to think of what's up with a character, you think more about them, and if you think a lot about a character you'll usually get attached. If you're not interested, obviously that's not gonna happen. She made me curious! She had a lot of sneaky sneaky recollections, and to be honest some things she could do haven't been clearly explained even now.

Second thing, Elysia made me laugh a lot. She just says completely shameless and outrageous things, and she's not shy about what she thinks or wants— she's also a huge tease who knows exactly what to say to gently bully her friends. Laughing is a positive experience, I like doing it, so it made me like her even more!

Third thing that got kinda dropped in Elysium Everlasting (SHAME), but was more present in ER chapter 1 and 2, is how they were actively subverting the "she's perfect" narrative. Elysia will say outrageous things, but whoever she's talking to reacts more like *facepalm*. Mei, Mobius and to a lesser extent Su would do that. It creates a comedic dynamic, sometimes at her expense ("must be growing up" "you're just getting fat, Elysia"), sometimes not, and balances out what she says. Even in her enemy collection, you have Elysia bragging, Mei asking "Can anyone keep her under control?" and Kevin answering "No". It's very funny, and it disarms the annoyance I feel, because the other characters are literally siding with me. (But they like her anyway).

Fourth I guess comes her actual character, she's a nice girl who wants to make everyone around her happy, but she is also profoundly lonely and covers up her negative feelings with smiles and jokes. That kind of character is fun to write and read about! She's also very insightful so she delivers so good lines to other characters too, which is ALSO very good. I like seeing her be soft, but I like see her teasing too. Just a delight to write and read about.

Fifth she is very pretty and fun to play, I always enjoy my runs with her! Not a fan of the color pink myself but her model is very very well made, and her gameplay feels really good to me. Then again I love most characters' gameplay, as long as they don't hurt my hand hahaha.

Sixth she is very memeable and I love making jokes and memes so that made me like and think about her more, joins back with point two except I'm the one joking around.

Let's stop here... getting a bit long. But on top of my head that's what I like about her!

[sagessoftwings]

Hello!! May I request a JJK and Demon Slayer matchup please? Thank you in advance!

•••

Hello! I'm Estelle or Aster. I'm 18 years of age, a psychology student, and my pronouns are : He/They. I'm also Poly-Panromantic Asexual.

I'm an introvert who barely goes out, I usually stay in my room reading manga/manhwa while listening to music. I have social anxiety so I don't do well with a lot of people, especially if it's a crowd of strangers. Though, I have noticed and am quit grateful for, I have very low presence so most of the time, people around me doesn't notice I'm there at all, even if I walk in front of them, they don't notice nor see me at all.

I'm very quiet and awkward at first but once I warm up to someone, I can be pretty loud and shameless. I swear a lot, I tend to hug or have any sort of physical contact with my friends, and I make a lot of sexual and dark jokes.

I'm an indoor person, which means I'm not athletic at all. I enjoy watching sports but I don't enjoy doing them. I do play a lot of board games though, if you count that as a sport.

I'm a night owl who stays up until 3 AM in the morning and I'm usually dancing to K-Pop songs during those hours or coming up with weird ideas or thoughts ( Like those shower thoughts ).

Apart from all that, I am a kind and caring person, friendly too but lately I'm very cautious over making friends because I care too much that it ends up hurting me instead. I commit a lot to friendships and relationships, and I'm usually the therapist friend. I just care a lot and love a lot that I end up bottling up my own problems so that I wouldn't bother anyone. I have self-esteem issues and constant negative thoughts of myself, I cope by making jokes about it though. I do have a short temper and I tend to ghost or push people away when I'm angry. I love playing pranks on people, as well as having deep conversations about fandoms and making theories and such. I like to think I'm a chill person who, when left alone, can be weird ( talking to myself, doing strange dramatic acts, etc. ) Oh, I hate failing, so I work hard to win whenever I can. Be it on games, competitions or school exams, I don't like failing. It doesn't matter if I didn't win first place, as long as I didn't fail. I'm a passionate lover and friend ( though, I tend to call people I love and care for, a bitch, but lovingly 💗 ) Also, I suck at cooking, I'm only good at arts & crafts.

My style is completely androgynous.

My ideal type is someone who's willing to take the time to understand me and to be patient with me. I love a lot and will shower you with affection but I have moments where I need to go into hibernation from socializing so much because it physically and mentally pains me if I force myself to socialize more than I already have. My love language is physical affection, corny/cheesy flirts, and overly affectionate words. I will literally write you a long ass paragraph, declaring my love for you. I'm very supportive, so I want someone to support me too. Free of judgement as well. Also, communication is something I hold very strictly in relationships. If you don't want to communicate with me, we're done. I hate misunderstandings, so please be open with me. I won't rush you but don't hide it from me forever.

Hi hi my love!! I love your name it’s so cool 😪 anywho I hope you like your matchup <33

Warnings: sexual content (aged up), cursing, and fluff

For JJK I ship you with: Yuji Itadori!!

Yuji is the guy for you if you like a chill manga reading sesh

He’ll set his whole place up for the two of you with lofi music on the tv, candles and mood lighting and snacks

He really out did himself with this one bestie, It’s little things he does to try and show you how much he loves you

Yuji is the sweetest, especially when you two first meet and he could tell you were the type not to open up right away so he took the first step to let you know he was rlly interested in you

Yuji loves to just sit around and watch dumb videos with you, he also plays a lot of video games and likes when you sit on his lap and he’ll even teach you how to play if you want

I feel like Megumi would be his room mate and constantly have to tell you two to shut up while you two dance battle to k-pop

Yuji likes to sit on the bathroom floor while you take a shower and you two just have like weird ass conversations

He’ll join though if you want him too, he won’t tell but he secretly hopes you ask him to join you in the shower

He definitely has those crayola washable shower crayons to give you feel detail on why aliens exist and they truly don’t want anything to do with us

Yuji always notices that your perceived as the ‘therapist friend’ so he typically will pull you into his lap and ask you if your genuinely okay and if there’s anything on your mind

He cares so much he just doesn’t wanna see you unhappy

Yuji and you are constantly playing pranks on Megumi and Yuji has considered making you two a YouTube channel

Yuji always makes sure he sends you ‘Good Morning Handsome’ texts if you aren’t spending the night at his place

Yuji specifically bought one of those headlamps so when you two have random late night theories he can pull his ‘Theory Book’ out (which also double as his private diary which has a lot of thoughts about you in it ;) )

Yuji has always, since day one, put so much effort forth to understand every single thing about you he just adores you so much and honestly doesn’t wanna lose you

Yuji is the least judgmental person on earth, I mean this mans fkn farted on Megumi's pillow to really test if it gives people pink eye (it does)

He likes to send you stupid flirty (lokey cringy) vids while he’s not with you and be like “Haha I wanna fuck you so bad ahhh autocorrect I meant good morning-”

Mans pulls up with a notepad and pen and stares into your soul then be like “what pet names you like??”

If he gets drunk he will spam you about what he loves about you

If you get into a disagreement he will try everything in his power to just talk it out with you cause you can’t leave him now… he got you matching build- a-bears :(

Smutty Smut-

SUCH A GIVER, if you even try to give him head before he gets to you mans will tie you up “You always come first… no pun intended”

He makes everything so fun and carefree like yes it can be serious sometimes but he wants to make sure your feeling good and having a good time

LOVES TO KISS YOU THIGHS AND LEGS

He’ll sit between your legs with them thrown over his shoulders and just suck at bite at your pretty legs

His moans are so pretty but he can get kinda embarrassed so please tell him he sounds pretty

Bestie don’t be surprised if Sukuna pitches in too, he might be a million year old curse but god dayum shawty you is a fine one

Yuji has a HUGE stamina so babes your insides will be obliterated so you will need a wheelchair

Yuji likes to give you kisses while his hand uses Sukuna’s mouth for something better than being an asshole

After Yuji has cleaned you up and kissed over all the marks he left behind he’ll always pull you into him and tell you how well you took him

For Kny I ship you with: Genya Shinazugawa

HE IS SO UNDERRATED

Genya loves to stay in with you and will make you baked goods while you chill and read mange

AND HE’S SO CUTE, he’ll come up and cuddle next to you and always ask what’s going on in your manga, he’s so invested in you and your interests I’d die for him

Genya quite literally couldn’t get a word out when you two first met it was his brother that had to say “hey my dumb ass of a brother thinks your really handsome and would like to ask for your number”

MEANWHILE HE JUST GIVES YOU A LIL WAVE FROM ACROSS THE ROOM

Genya can always use a hug and never fails to give that amazing bear hug squeeze

Please teach him to dance, he trips over his own feet

He will however always stay up late with you to dance and he’ll even practice when your not there

You once went over to his and Sanemi’s apartment and saw him doing a lil dance routine in the kitchen while making sandwiches

Like Yuji, Genya will sit on the bathroom counter and talk to you

Genya is so cute, he has a problem with staring at you and just going “You’re so beautiful my dove”

YOU AND HIM PULL PRANKS ON SANEMI CONSTANTLY HAHAHAHAHAHAH

Sanemi has definitely thought about getting a restraining order on the both of you

Genya is the last person in the world to be judgmental towards anyone unless someone deserves it

Genya is like literally the best with communicating his feeling like this mans has the softest spot for you

-Smutty Smut-

He is so freaking gentle with you, his rough callused hands will drag over every point on your body with such a feathered graze and he’ll look up with the FATTEST blush and be like “is this okay?”

But if you want it rough mans won’t hesitate

His aftercare is phenomenon and if you want something cooked he won’t falter to run to the kitchen and slave away

Such a innocent soul but please teach him to kiss, you’re his first and genuinely doesn’t know what he’s doing

Please tell him sweet nothings while he thrusts into you, tell him he’s pretty and such a good boy HE’LL GO FERAL

His biddies are also very sensitive so don't be shy, give em a kiss kiss

He likes to place one hand on your cheek while his forehead rests on yours when he cums

Genya always puts a cold glass of water on your side of the bed when he’s done cleaning you up

He’s so warm so great for after sex cuddles

[tipsydipsydo]

Jar of Kinks [M] 

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Gender of the Reader: female

Word Count: 1.8k

Rating: 18+

Genre: Smut!

Warnings: Sexual Language; Dirty Talk; Dom-/Sub-Dynamics (Dom! Yoongi and Sub! Reader); Petnames; Praising; Begging; Teasing; Multiple Orgasms; Overstimulation; Spanking; Ass-Play (fem.); (anal) Fingering; Usage of spit; Double Penetration; unprotected vaginal Penetration (please stay safe!); Mentions of Sextoys

Summary: Your relationship with Yoongi is young, you two have still so much to explore with each other behind closed bedroom doors. There are so many secret fantasies and kinks that needs to be unwrapped...

A/N: This Fanfiction is based on my own Jars of Kinks! The dear @yoongiandthebiaswreckers asked me if I'd be interested to write these kinks a little more out... with Yoongi, he's my biaswrecker. So yeah, I couldn't deny her this ask 🙈👉🏻👈🏻💕

Also big Thanks are going to @borathae, she turned me into such an assplay and Sub! Yoongi Hoe and also @kay-diggle, because she confirmed my fantasies about Yoongi has an ass-thing!

[Links]:

▪ Jars of Kinks - Sub Yoongi (coming soon)

▪ Blog Navigation 

「© tipsydipsydo」

This following story is my intellectual property and belongs only to my blog tipsydipsydo.tumblr.com!

I’ll not accept any kind of reposting, stealing or using/editing my work!

That includes reposting my content on other social media platforms too, even when you link me as the original author.

Thank you.

Muffled moans comes your lips, getting lost quickly in the pillow under your cheek. You're ass up on the bed, the power of Yoongi's thrusts and the all this pure pleasure press your upper body literally into the matress.

All these sinful moans and whimpers that leaves your mouth and throat, turns automatically into unidentifiable noises. It's kinda weird but exactly this fact turns your boyfriend beyond believe on, makes him all feral.

He loves to see you crumble under him, falling piece for piece apart for him.

Yoongi loves that he pounds you so fucking good that you can't hold yourself up anymore, that your arms gave in and your hands are grabbing desperately the sheets under you. To have at least something to hold on and not to get perished by all the desire you feel for Yoongi in every viber of your body.

His thrusts are not as fast as you're usually used to, it's rather a slow rhythm. But oh my god, he's stretching you so good and his dick is going so. fucking. deep!

Your boyfriend prefer to take his time and to use his energy thoughtful and well calculated, trying to last as long as possible while ruining your poor pussy over and over again. You already had two orgasms, just from the foreplay and you can guess, it wouldn't be the last ones this night!

Yoongi is a giver, he loves to please.

That was one of the very first things you've learned in this relationship, that you definitely not have to worry about how you'll have to fake an orgasm in the most realistic way.

Yoongi showed you right at your first time together that he's able to please a woman. More than that.

Your relationship is still young, three months ago you've started dating each other officially. But compared to your previous relationships, you've had in these three months already more orgasms than in the last 5 years!

He's different than all the other mens before him.

He knows how a female body works. He knows how to read your body language. He knows where he has to stop and asks you at first before he continues. He knows that every person and every body is completely individual and everybody has different preferences and limits.

This man knows that he has to take his time to explore the body and sexual needs of the other person, that it needs time, love and trust to open up to each other. That those things simply need patience and empathy to let the safe walls down and show them all these different facettes of you, to let your partner slowly unwrap these secret desires which are deep down in you.

He really cares for you. A thing that most partners didn't do.

A harsh slap onto your right butt cheek makes you yelp in surprise but also in pain and pleasure. Quiet whimpers are leaving your lips while Yoongi massages gently the bruised skin.

"Your attention wasn't here by me, Babygirl. I just wondered what thoughts are running through this pretty head while I fuck you into the matress, Sweetheart...",grunts Yoongi in a low and raspy voice. His hips are snapping more forceful now, want to make sure that your thoughts will stay here for now on.

"I-I just thought about h-how... oh my God, Yoongi... how lucky and g-grateful I am to have you... Fucking me so good and making sure that I-I'll enjoy it...", you whimper and bite your lower lip, trying to suspress a desperate mewl.

"Hmm, yes Babygirl~ I want to make sure that I'll to fuck you your overthinking brain all nicely out... only when you can't think straight anymore and just are able to enjoy my fat cock in your dripping pussy you'll be able to cum... and I want to make you cum for a third time, Baby. I want you to have your third orgasm on my cock, I want you to clench so tightly around me when you cum that you'll gonna milk my balls dry... are you doing that for me, Darling?", pants Yoongi with a breathy voice, slowly getting closer to the edge as well.

Over the whole time your boyfriend was telling you what he wants to do to you, he squeezed and massaged both of your ass cheeks with a firm grip. He didn't even needed to tell you, it was pretty obvious right from the beginning that he kinda has an ass thing.

It's not like you dislike it, hell no! You welcome his admiration and grabby hands... even more, you actually love it when he pulls your cheeks apart to be able to watch himself sliding so wonderful in and out of your drenched folds. Sometimes even with the little hope he would pay some attention to your other hole which is so nicely on display as well.

You had already more than enough possibilities to give him so more hints or to talk with him about that... but everytime you still hadn't enough courage to verbalisize your kinks.

Too often you got turned down for from your previous boyfriends for those fantasies, most of the time with not so nice words. The last thing you want is to ruin everything right at the beginning, just because you couldn't watch your mouth properly.

...well, you wish you would be able to shut your damn mouth up and control your desperate body...

More than once Yoongi's left thump brushes casually over your tight puckered musclering when his hand grope roughly a handful of your soft flesh. Of course with no intentions behind it but you can't control yourself when your whole body is pumped full with greedy desire. Everything, that comes near to your asshole makes you so fucking desperate, you can't withstand the seduction to buck you hips up. Literally begging non-verbal with this move for some more stimulation.

A low chuckle rumples in Yoongi's chest. If you would look over your shoulder now, you'd see that the right corner of his mouth is curved into a smug smile.

"Does my little princess likes it when I rub my thumb over her cute asshole? She's sensitive here, hm? Your sweet hole is clenching so desperately and your tiny pussy just got even wetter...", he teases you, circling your sensitive musclering with his finger on purpose now.

Now you've reached a point where you couldn't hold your secret kink down anymore, mewling and whining you're pressing your ass in his hands. Your head is nodding furiously and you confirm his guess with countless whimpered "Yes!" that tumbles out of your mouth.

"Fuck. God, Y/N, you don't know how fucking hot that is... your ass was always so damn seductive and now you even show me that you have a thing for assplay! That's so freaking hot, I could blow a load right away.. ", growls Yoongi in a tone you've never heard before... so primal and animalistic.

Before you have even the chance to open your mouth, the next harsh spank lands on your left cheek. Shortly afterwards Yoongi's palm is soothing the sharp sting and pulls your cheeks apart for a second time.

You're about to melt into a puddle of need and pleasure, you're in full speed on your way to your third orgasm. You completely lost the control over the words that comes over your lips, your mouth is babbling non-stop. Begging him to to stuff you up, to finger your tight asshole, filling you up with his digits.

A deep groan escapes your boyfriend's throat, it didn't take much time to spread your ass open until your hole is full in display for him. God, how much he admire this scenery...

Yoongi want to make this process as short as possible, simply use his spit as lube and massaging it onto your tight muscle. Gently and carefully he let his middle finger sinks into your greedy asshole.

A moan full of lust leaves your mouth, rocking your hips against his pelvis.

"God, Baby, you are such a perfect Queen for me! How greedy and desperate you are to get your ass stuffed up while I ruin your sweet pussy, if I knew you love double penetration that much.. fuck, I'd have fucked you today with a nice and thick buttplug in your ass. Pulling and pushing it in and out with every thrust until your asshole is all soft and stretched open for me to bury my creamy load right into your cute asshole~", purrs Yoongi with a devilish chuckle. Drilling his cock faster and faster into you, abusing your cunt to the maximum in the best possible way.

While telling you completely shameless all this filth, his ring finger joined his middle finger in your ass, pumping them in and out in a fast pace.

Now it's too much.

All this let the coil of pure pleasure in your abdomen bursts open and knocks all air out of your lungs. If Yoongi wouldn't hold you up by your hips, your body would collapse completely onto the bed. Your mouth is wide open to let a silent scream out, your walls spasming so tightly around Yoongi's cock that he also couldn't hold it anymore.

Choked groans are leaving his throat as he rides his and your own orgasm out. You literally milked the very last droplet of cum out of his cock.

After coming down from his high, he pulls his fingers out of you and wipes them off on the towel under you. With a soft smile Yoongi gives you a litte peck between your shoulder blades.

"I think we should order some nice buttplugs online, hm?~"

"We don't have to... Go to the dresser and pull the third drawer out and take the second box out of it. I bet you'll find something in there, you'd like to try on me...", you wisper tiredly but with a coy smile in the corners of your mouth.

You're already halfway in the dreamland when you hear Yoongi's raspy voice saying:

"Fuck, Y/N. I didn't know I'm that lucky to can call a kinky Godess my sexy Girlfriend. You store a half sexshop in here!"

[machablossom]

I really want to rant about the ending. That was one wild episode 12 and I can't say I loved it, but I didn't hate it either.

Being honest, I think I'm mostly dissapointed things didn't go the way I wanted. I usually expect from a series to let me down in some aspects, but this time I felt like there was no rush of emotions like it happened during the past episodes.

I don't actually mind about the supposed queerbaiting, though I would have wanted Renga and Matcha Blossom to become canon. Alas, a girl could dream.

However, there were many things I believe could have been better, others which were just fine, and others which could have been different altogether from the very start of the series. Overall I feel like the main plot (Langa and Reki facing up against Adam) and the main theme of the anime (skating is a fun thing to do and it's better enjoyed surrounded with friends and people you love) were developed just right. However, the way they got to the results were not the best, in my opinion.

I would like to give my opinion on each character development, so this may take a while. Also, I'd like to point out what I would have wanted to happen, if things were up to me.

First and foremost, Adam is the character I had more trouble with. I didn't love the last beef against Langa much. I've had trouble with the entire Eve thing and the fact that he's a 30-something chasing after a 17 yr old boy, be it romantically or just skate-wise.

I know Adam's sexual preferences are never stated through the whole series but we can imply he does feel a certain attraction towards Langa beyond the skating scene and it is very uncomfortable, not to say wrong.

I loved the idea that he let go of the idea of chasing his 'Eve', to celebrate a wedding for a funeral. I am all for theathrics and drama, and his "final boss" outfit was nuts. The skateboard was awesome too! But the mere implications of him, turning into some sort of Grim Reaper whilst racing against Langa one last time are very bone-chilling, at least to me it was, again, very unconfortable.

I'd have loved for Adam to lose to Reki, OR, Tadashi and Langa to race so that the final encounter could have been Adam vs. Tadashi. That way, I think he'd have gotten to reflect on his actions and actually grow as a character rather than just be cured by the power of fun and friendship.

In the perfect scenario, he'd escape with Tadashi, he'd ditch his job and tell his aunts to go f*ck themselves, close 'S' for good and get some therapy somewhere where he could be happy skating with his beloved assistant.

On the other hand, I was hoping he'd get arrested. I hoped Kiriko got to put him behind bars and ruin his carreer both as a politician and as a skater, so that S would close. Maybe in some sort of epilogue we'd seen him come out of jail and make up with the gang, skating with them again as friends. Maybe Langa would go see him in prison to help. Idk, I feel like he needs retribution and punishment, but he was also a character who needed help.

The last part with Tadashi and the dog thing was weird and I didn't love it, but I think it works for their relationship. I won't complain, some other people here on tumblr have put it into words way better than I would have.

What I feel was the worst, worst thing they could do was have him crash their celebration party, falling ridiculously from a helicopter with a bouquet for Langa. No. No, just no. The creeps again. Ugh.

Then, I have to say the second in line who bothered me the most were Miya and Shadow.

It's silly: I really screamed in rage and pain about Shadow not getting together with the manager. I wanted all the other ships to be canon, but I knew it's Japan we're talking about and I know we'd get teased about it in the best case scenario, but the straight ship? The one they could totally go for? NO! Also, I think Shadow got played dirty, shoving him into the background after he was attacked in ep. 10. We didn't get to see any justice done to him against the dude that beat the crap out of him, if, perhaps, Shadow could beat him again at 'S', this time fair and square.

Miya, oh my poor catboy. Played so dirty as well. I liked the last time we see him when he meets with his friend again in school and they seem to reconect. But I wish we would have gotten to see them skate together again. This is very wishful thinking, but I wished we could have seen Miya a little bit older, when the others could have taken him a lot more seriously. I wanted him to do much more than just be a background character, because he deserved it.

Next is Joe and Cherry. Oh boy. Hold onto your horses, I have a LOT to say about my favourite duo.

Listen here, I wanted them to be canon. I hoped for the discreet rings on their fingers shot, or a sudden drop of any of them that they had been secretly married for the past two years or something like that. I wanted flashbacks to their trip to Paris. I wanted more of their teenage years. I wanted a date night at Sie La Luce. Man, I would have died for a kiss. But, alas, it's Japan we're talking about and I know I'm viewing the series from a western point of view.

But that's not what bothered me. What really bothered me was that all the tension that had been growing since ep. 7 between the two of them and then between them and Adam seemed to be just a stepping stone for Langa to win the tournament. We saw Cherry get slapped with a skateboard just for us, the expectators, to dislike Adam a lot more.

I would have loved for them to have the chance to reconect with Adam, be it by punching him or by accepting a heartfelt apology. Specially Cherry. Kaoru deserved MUCH better than what he got, and Joe deserved better than what we've got to see from him. The last scene we saw of them, idk, I thought it was funny and I loved how Cherry showed so little professionalism by drawing on his bf in public. LOL.

But I also didn't like it. I think they ended up being comic relief when they were two of the most wonderfully developed partners in the whole series, even if we've just got some crumbs of their relationship. Also, Joe's deep and caring personality, the whole pinning on Kaoru situation, feels like it matters so little when we see him back at the starting point, just being a shameless flirt. The advantage I see from all of it is that we've got a lot left to the imagination with them.

(Man, i would have loved to see Joe punch Adam in the face with a skateboard at the celebration party after his arrival on the helicopter).

And finally, Reki and Langa. Being honest? I actually loved them. I didn't mind there wasn't a explicit moment of romance or a confesion. That was never the point. The symbolism of their 'friendship', of their bond, is more than enough for me.

I think Langa was slightly too overpowered. As I said before, I think the beef was a little too over the top, but, mah, I've seen a lot of sports anime, its not that over the top. I'd have loved to see him snowboarding at some point, perhaps then we'd have seen Langa as a very talented athlethe and not just some random teenager with crazy skills he just pulled out of his pretty canadian butt. Then again, the little scene with his father's memory was really nice. Closure over mourning, that's a wonderful thing to do.

Reki, my boy, on the other hand, I loved him. Cheering for his bf and believing in him and waiting for him at the end of the line, *chef's kiss*. The part where Langa falls over him and they hug on the ground, perfect, hilarious. The insinuation that they are both happy when they are together, yes, yes, good. The last scene with Reki and his family, I love it! I have nothing wrong to say about Reki. I love him and I'd give an arm for him.

...

Overall, it was a good series. It could have been done better. The ending could have been better. I would love a sequel anyway, if only they could focus on the plotlines they left inconclusive and, for god's sake, they kick the creepyness down a notch. For what I conclude, the entire series was meant as fanservice and they didn't imagine it would grow so big. Anyway, I will keep writing Matcha Blossom, I really loved them and I hope this is not the last we ever see of them all.

[nowis-scales]

Headcanons for Ryoma’s Birthday

I cannot finish fic on time to save my life, this we know. I considered writing some fic for his birthday but it just did not work out... So! I am going to do headcanons about Ryoma for his birthday, cause I just think he’s neat. Hopefully they’re to someone’s liking!

• This man cannot flirt to save his life. If he ever gets like, a good flirting line in, it is by chance more than anything. He’s really awkward about his feelings and struggles to convey his interest in someone. Pretty much his only solution is to just tell the person outright how he feels, which is a little forward for most people. He also is unlikely to notice if someone starts flirting back with him, for he doesn’t like to make assumptions. So basically, if you want Ryoma to know you’re interested, you’re going to have to make a big sign that says so and smack him with it repeatedly.

• Has a weird relationship with his appearance. On the one hand, he looks a lot like his father and he’s very proud of that fact. In fact, some people say that you can actually see his eyes light up when you tell him so — but even with this being the case, he would probably tell you that he is the least good-looking of his siblings. It seems to be not so much that he thinks that Sumeragi was unattractive, so much as it is that he thinks of himself as more average in terms of appearance than the others. This is perhaps just another element of his classic ever-hard on himself behaviour. 

• In a light nap, Ryoma is perfectly pleasant. Quiet and all around alright to be around. Once he gets into a deep sleep, though? He snores obnoxiously loudly. He has done so since he was little, but it is much less cute now that he’s a grown man. Spending a night next to him is like spending a night sleeping next to a grizzly bear. Sometimes, the snoring gets so bad that he wakes himself up wondering what that awful sound is.

• A bit shameless when it comes to nudity. Not in like, a weird Niles sort of way, but just in the fact that he doesn’t make a big deal out of it. The difference between observations of nudity in Hoshido and Nohr is already vast, but even by Hoshidan standards he might not be characterized as super shy. He just doesn’t make a big deal out of it, approaches it with an “it is what it is” attitude. Sometimes the body is not clothed, it happens.

• Though the relationship between him and Saizo is largely professional, they were good friends as little kids. Since Saizo’s father worked for Ryoma’s father, they were often each other’s playmates when the adults were together. Being high prince and surprisingly good at playing people like fiddles, Ryoma roped Saizo into a lot of games as children. They especially liked going to ponds together to try and catch frogs. 

• His favourite flower (after a cherry blossom, of course) is the orange osmanthus. They remind him of tiny orange suns blossoming from the earth. He has many memories of being in the gardens with Ikona and seeing them, so he ends up associating them with her in some way. Not that he minds. He likes to have reminders of people who are gone. 

• If Orochi had to conjure up one “funny for everyone else, embarrassing for him” story out of her mind about him, it would be from when he first began to practice giving speeches. Mikoto had him practice a few in Shirasagi Castle Town, which many people happily attended. Many of them were great — the first one... not so much. There was nothing wrong with Ryoma’s speech in itself. The people simply failed to focus on it, due to the fact that his voice was going through some er... changes at the time. It was cracking and squeaking in all manner of different ways, and every time it happened, it seemed like the high prince’s face just kept getting pinker, and everybody was just trying not to sympathy-laugh at poor Ryoma. Even Mikoto nearly failed to keep it together. If anybody brings this incident up, Ryoma will sulk about it.

• One of those people who can crack like, every part of his body. He doesn’t do it often, because he knows some people are really bothered by it (Hinoka in particular hates it), but will usually do it when he’s by himself. Would potentially crack his knuckles as a threat, but usually refrains on the basis that it is a total cliché.

• Has an epigrammatic sense of humour. If you don’t know what that means, it’s like the Oscar Wilde style humour. However, it is notable that his humour changes once intoxicated. Rather than being dependent on his cleverness with words, it’s more self-deprecating. Usually it’s all in good fun, but every once in awhile, he says something a little out there and his loved ones have to ask if he’s okay. Biggest contender for that outcome he’s ever had was the response of “What are you going to do, tell my father?” to Xander during a playful ribbing session.

• I know the game wants us to think he’s straight, but this is one of those times where I reject canon in favour of my own interpretation. I think he’s bisexual, he just has a heavier lean toward women. Since per the Japanese Rhajat/F Corrin S-support, Hoshido seems to be implied to have some homophobia hanging about, he’s quiet about it for the most part. He knows it might colour the more traditional people’s opinions of him. He’d like to be more open about it some day, and would try to support LGBT+ people in his own reign. 

• A lot of people think he is sensitive about being touched or doesn’t like to be. This is absolutely not true. People mostly just avoid it with him as they are under the impression that he is too important. He literally could not care less. He loves having his hair played with, his hands held... he loves hugs and he doesn’t mind if you want to hang onto his arms, and he likes pats on the shoulders and the ruffling of his hair... This poor man is terribly touch-starved. It’s okay to touch him. In fact, please do.

[dreamylyfe-x]

of all the things they could make mickey and ian fight over, why are the writers going with 2 so OOC storylines in the final season? the show never framed ian as seeing mickey's illegal income as not "real" work before. and mickey was never the slacker type, so why now? and mickey would never vague about monogamy. i'm so confused. if they gotta fight, why not over something in character and meaningful. this just feels like writers being mean to the fans, making us sit thru all this nonsense

Hey! Thanks for the ask. Made my (very weird and stressful) day. 

I’m going to be disappointing right off the jump and say that I don’t actually think any of this is OOC, per say. But. In GENERAL. Shameless is not the show it was. I think this is very normal for long-running shows. Take Friends: When you get into the back half of that show’s extensive catalogue, is starts to feel like the characters are a Xerox of a Xerox. Early season Monica is a bit OCD, and a clean freak who loves to be in charge -- but she’s also warm, and hospitable and emotionally available to her friends. Late season Monica is often a coked-out squirrel-woman who loses her mind if someone moves a pillow. That’s quality isn’t out of character, but it’s no longer being balanced with the warm and supportive woman we initially met. I think a bit of that might be “we already know you either like or hate Monica, so we’re just giving you the stuff that’s funny and/or dramatic. We got 22 minutes and six characters and we don’t have to build that other shit anymore.” 

I think that’s happening with Mickey and Gallavich. And I don’t think that’s weird for a) a show that has run this long and b) a character who was gone and then returned. They are giving us a Mickey that has always existed -- unbound by traditional manners, aggressive, blunt and obsessed with Ian Gallagher -- but we aren’t getting much of the Mickey who curls up with Ian at the worst time of his life and kisses his forehead. We aren’t getting all the verbal confirmation of Big Feelings they gave us when he came back in season 7. We aren’t seeing Ian and Mickey as a team, which is a big part of their mid-seasons dynamic. I think that makes people feel like these arguments are OOC, when they’re arguably reasonable issues, but aren’t being given a ton of nuance, or balance. 

Aside: There’s some balance in how the actors are playing the intimacy and the physical affection. The little touches and kisses are appreciated by me. 

So to dig into the OOC stuff -- first of all, it makes total sense to me that they’d have issues about the role crime plays in their lives together. I love that Ian never gave a damn that Mickey is a straight up criminal. But every time Ian lost Mickey, it was because the law intervened. When Mickey is not incarcerated, he’s with Ian. Ian is no longer 16, no one is a juvenile offender, Mickey was given a devastating sentence in season 6 -- 16 years -- Ian was 18! That was his entire living memory, if not more. They are married now, against considerable odds, and I completely understand why Ian doesn’t want Mickey to risk going back to jail. 

Likewise, I get why Mickey doesn’t want to do what Ian is doing. Mickey does not have the temperament for minimum wage jobs. He has a longstanding history of thinking it’s absolute bullshit to work hard for no money. Particularly when he’s smart enough, skilled enough and ballsy enough to make a LOT of money in an afternoon just by spotting an opportunity. 

Mickey has never SAID this on the show, but in canon we have seen him go to prison four times. Once, because Ian’s unhinged spurned groomer shot him; once because Mickey CHOSE to headbutt a cop so he could go to prison and avoid his dad; once because Mickey was consumed with a need to avenge Ian; and finally because Ian got himself tossed in prison, so Mickey CHOSE to join him. If Mickey has confidence that he won't go to prison if Ian isn’t a factor... Not the craziest idea. 

So -- writers spitballing ideas for Gallavich conflict? I think that’s a pretty good one. Two clear sides that both have merit. I’ve already written a bit about my thoughts on the monogamy issues... first, I’ve always figured they were monogam-ish, to reference Dan Savage. They are faithful to each other while they’re together, and when they are separated (usually by prison!) they aren’t. This isn’t the first time Mickey has voiced a lack of interest in being monogamous -- most notably “Great. Now we’re in a horror movie.” Mickey isn’t a traditionalist and I don’t think he feels like this is a make-or-break issue. But MOSTLY? 

MOSTLY. 

I really and truly believe what I’m about to say... 

Mostly Mickey wanted to do what Ian wanted. 

If he legit didn’t want monogamy he wouldn’t have tried to cheat of Ian’s paper. He didn’t like that “write it down and flip the paper” game. He wanted to match Ian’s answer. So he took a guess and he was wrong about what Ian -- who had literally just told him he found the concept of the rest of his life overwhelming -- had written. 

This is my head cannon: I think he liked that Ian wrote down monogamy. This is not my head canon: they are SUPER sweet to each other in the next scene. I am not convinced that the monogamy debate is going to be much of a thing beyond that scene. And I understand that, for a lot of people, that scene was extremely unpleasant. To me, personally, it made sense for it to come up. But I think it’s settled. I think they’re done with it. 

The one place where I’m like “What is this?” is the slacker stuff. I mean, I can meta why Mickey might be afraid of failure or whatever, but it’d be mostly head cannon. They haven’t given us a ton to build on there. The best we got is “Stop disappointing the people you love!” being what motivated Mickey to do something he didn’t want to do. But Mickey was right, if he thought that interview was going to be a disaster. Mickey knows himself and he is painfully aware of his limitations. 

As for why are the writers DOING this? Well. Ok. Here’s what I think it is: 

1. Story is conflict. So they needed one. And “struggle to adjust to marriage” really isn’t a bad one. Specifically, figuring out how to be married when you have no role models and have a few social strikes against you is a good one. 

2. The writers are amused by Gallavich fighting. They think it’s entertaining. And while there are a lot of people out there for whom Gallavich is EVERYTHING, Shameless’s viewership is also made up of people who think Frank is hilarious. No one ever send me an ask about why Frank is hilarious. I will not be able to figure that one out and the research might kill me. We definitely don’t all agree on what is and is not funny. 

3. They’re going somewhere with it. At least a little. 

I don’t KNOW three is true, but here’s something I believe about John Welles. I think he’s a biiiiit of a sap. I think he probably wants to leave each Gallagher with something nice. I don't think his plan it to send everyone off on an ice floe to freeze to death. So I think (hope?) that what we’re going to see is three (maybe four?) episodes of Gallavich At Odds and then I think we’re going to move into them trying to work together to make lives together. And they will probably still fight, because that seems to be part of the Xerox of a Xerox of Gallavich. I’m sure many people will find that cringey and problematic and annoying -- but I also bet we get a few moments we love, here and there. 

I don’t think they’re trying to be mean to the fans, but I think it’s serving 8 characters ... Nope. 9. (I forgot Frank. I always forget about Frank.) ... and we aren’t going to get the depth and breadth we want. And most of that will be on the side where we see Gallavich loving each other, because at this point they expect us to KNOW that. And some of it’ll be Mickey’s internal life because they tend to focus on the Gallaghers. But I do fervently hope we get a little more of that other side of the coin. Because I absolutely agree that one side is more fun than the other. 

[good-things-do-happen-dean]

I am actually terrible at prompts but for you I will try: Dean and Cas teach at the same school but no one knows they’re married because Cas was just hired a few months ago, and they don’t want people to think that’s the only reason he got the job; cue Benny incessantly flirting with Cas and trying to ask him out until Dean is forced to step in. The ending is up to you (;

[casually writes this one hundred years later] i love this prompt so much em, thank you for sending it 💖also, it’s me, so i think you can probably guess where the ending goes hahaha enjoy!!!

sweet like honey, sweet like molasses

“Mornin’, sunshine,” somebody drawls across the teachers’ lounge.

Dean doesn’t look up from the copier, until he hears Cas say “Good morning, Benny,” back to the somebody, and he nearly puts a crick in his neck from looking up so quickly because what the hell, that’s Dean’s line.

The somebody in question, Benny, apparently, is leaning back against the counter with the coffee maker, sipping from a steaming mug that says “Mornings suck” in red over a cartoon vampire. He’s a big guy, or, maybe he’s not actually. He’s shorter than Cas, but broad-shouldered and barrel-chested, with a neatly trimmed beard and bright blue eyes.

Dean turns his ring around his finger with his thumb, looking back at the growing stack of copies without really seeing them. They chat about Benny’s AP class maybe coming by the library next week to review research strategies for their upcoming project. Benny says something that makes Cas laugh, rich and low. And Dean finds he suddenly needs a fresh cup.

“Hey there,” he says, squeezing between Cas and Benny to get to the coffee pot. “Morning, Cas.” He doesn’t miss Cas rolling his eyes at him ever so briefly. “Don’t think we’ve had the pleasure,” he says to Benny, reaching out a hand. “I’m Dean Winchester, ninth and tenth grade English.”

Benny grins, and it spreads across his face all slow like honey, or molasses maybe, with that accent. Okay, Dean decides. Fine, he’s hot. Whatever.

“Benjamin Lafitte,” he says, shaking Dean’s hand. “But you can call me Benny. I’m the new Miss Kline while she’s on maternity leave.”

“I see you’ve met Mr. Novak, here,” Dean says, clapping Cas on the shoulder.

“Practically the first thing I did when I was hired.” Benny winks at Cas across Dean, who gives Cas’s shoulder a little squeeze. Only because he’s friendly, and definitely not because he’s possessive or jealous of this guy. Also definitely not to show off the simple silver band on his ring finger that wouldn’t mean anything to Benny anyway.

That’s the plan, after all, to keep their marriage private at school. They live out of the district, so it’s unlikely they’ll run into any students in line at the grocery store or the movie theater. Same for coworkers.

As far as almost everyone knows, the Winchester-Novaks are just Mr. Winchester and Mr. Novak, work friends who hit it off pretty much immediately after Mr. Novak was hired. They get to work at the same time, but they drive separately.They have lunch together, but they eat in the teacher’s lounge instead of in Cas’s tiny office at the back of the library. Dean normally stops by the library at the end of his planning during fourth period, but that’s because he teaches English and the library is, well, where the books are. It’s not because he’s a sap who misses his husband an hour and a half after they’ve just eaten lunch together. Or, okay, it is that, but nobody else knows it.

“Would you look at the time,” Dean says at the sound of the first bell. He rinses out his mug, setting it upside down in the drying rack, before heading to the door. “Gotta beat the thundering hordes to the stairs.”

“Actually,” Benny says, “I’ve got planning first period. Mind if I swing by to pick your brain about that project, Cas?”

Dean turns to stare daggers into Benny’s broad back with one hand on the doorknob. It isn’t that he doesn’t trust Cas, of course he does, but there’s something about this Benny character that rubs him the wrong way.

“Dean?” Cas calls after him, just like he would at home from the garden or the kitchen to where Dean is working in the garage. Dean very nearly says, yeah, babe? but he catches himself just in time. “Your copies.”

Right.

***

Things continue on like that. Benny starts showing up at the same time as them, somehow casually overtaking them so he can hold the door open. He joins them in the teacher’s lounge before school for a cup of coffee and a chat. He sits with them at lunch. He pops his head into the library at the end of the day (when Dean is there during his planning) with a cheery “see ya tomorrow!” and a wink.

Benny asks them about places to go in town. Which coffee shop has the best cold brew, which one has the best atmosphere for getting work done, which one attracts the least students. Where’s the nearest place to fish, or would it be better to drive farther up the highway. What’s the deal with the weird owner of that bookstore on Main.

In the evenings, when Cas and Dean are stretched out on the couch, Cas with his legs draped over Dean’s lap while he reads, Dean using said legs as a slightly lopsided table to grade on., they talk about it, a little.

“He’s harmless,” Cas says. “And besides,” he folds himself up to sitting and presses a kiss to Dean’s temple. “I love you.”

Dean’s ninth graders may or may not get their essays back a day late after one such evening when the stack of papers he’s working on are unceremoniously dropped on the floor, and Dean hauls Cas up and fully into his lap for a while before they fall asleep curled together on the couch.

Soon enough, Dean even starts to maybe like the guy. A little. Not that they’re friends, or anything, but he doesn’t mind Benny so much, doesn’t mind the three of them being the three of them so much. Sure, he doesn’t love Benny staring at Cas over his mug like he hung the moon, or the gifts he starts bringing (“Made it outta that Metatron guy’s bookstore alive. Have you read this? I think you’d like it,” one day, a hearty loaf of homemade bread the next week), but it’s fine. They get along despite the shameless flirting.

Until all of a sudden, it’s been four and a half months and Miss Kline is due back next week. They’re sitting in the teacher’s lounge before school on a Friday at their usual table. Charlie, the computer skills teacher, Dean’s work wife, and the only person on staff besides Principal Singer who knows the truth, just popped in to show them pictures of the baby, little Jack, with his tuft of blond hair sticking straight up and his chubby cheeks.

“Well,” Benny says, leaning back in his chair. “End of the road.”

“We’ll miss you,” Cas says sincerely, reaching across the table to pat his arm.

“Don’t suppose,” Benny starts, looking right at Cas. “You’d wanna get a drink?”

“Okay,” Dean says because he’s finally had enough of this guy. “Look, dude, he’s taken.”

Benny looks at him and cocks his head like he doesn’t understand.

“A ring, I mean, come on, Cas is wearing a ring. A wedding ring.” Dean knows he’s almost definitely getting too loud because Cas’s other hand squeezes his thigh.

“Dean,” Cas says.

“And another thing -” Dean starts, but then he’s the one who doesn’t understand because Benny’s tipping his head back and laughing, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Cher,” Benny says, and Dean bristles at the pet name. A pet name, for his husband. The nerve of this guy. “You think I don’t know you two are together?”

Wait.

“You think,” Benny says, and leans forward in his chair, making direct eye contact with Dean. “I was only flirting with Mr. Novak here?”

“Uh,” Dean says, eloquently.

Benny raises an eyebrow, that same molasses grin spreading across his face. And then Cas is laughing, and Benny joins in, and, eventually, after he finishes thinking through the last four and a half months in a different light, so does Dean.

***

The other history teacher, Mildred, retires at the end of the school year. There’s a retirement party in the teacher’s lounge that’s also a welcome back Mr. Lafitte party.

When they come back in August, as far as almost everyone knows, the three of them are just Mr. Winchester, Mr. Novak, and Mr. Lafitte, work friends who really hit it off last spring when Ms. Kline was out. They used to drive separately, but now they carpool. They sometimes eat lunch in the teachers’ lounge with Charlie, but mostly they eat together crowded around the tiny desk in the tiny office at the back of the library. It works out that Benny and Dean have the same planning period, so they normally end up in the library at the end of the day, co-planning an interdisciplinary English and history unit with all sorts of supplementary materials that Cas helps them find.

And in the evenings, when they’re stretch out on the couch, Cas reading with his legs in Dean’s lap, his head against Benny’s shoulder, Dean and Benny grading on the matching lap desks Cas bought them at the beginning of the school year, they’ll catch each other’s eye over Cas’s head and grin, slow and sweet.

tagging: @joharvele | @contemplativepancakes | @fluffiestlou | @never-forever-more | @emblue-sparks | @tearsofgrace | @prayedtoyou | @chaoticdean let me know if you’d like to be added to/removed from my tag list 💖[or if you would only like to be tagged for certain things!]

[humanlighthouse]

Fic Writer Interview Meme

I was tagged by my beloved @s1utspeare 💖✨ I’m doing this one quickly before it gets buried under notes, sorry to everyone who tagged me in stuff, the last few weeks have been insane and my wifi is still down, but I saw all of the tags and I love you so much for thinking of me?? I’ll get to them if I ever find them again 😓

name: Anna, HumanLighthouse on everything that counts!

fandoms: I almost exclusively write for DMBJ now and it’s the only fandom I’ve ever been actually involved in? I wrote one long fic for Anne with an E (the lovely, lovely Netflix show based on Anne of Green Gables) and another for the still-not-famous-enough, amazing webseries Edgar Allan Poe’s Murder Mystery Invite-Only Casual Dinner Party/Gala For Friends Potluck (yes, that’s the title, check it out if you like literature, that thing is brilliant), that I am pretty proud of, to the point that I made @jockvillagersonly watch it just so they could read my fic 🙈 I am shameless like that. Both are teeny tiny fandoms, but very sweet and welcoming! I also have a fic on hiatus for MDZS, some SongXiao angst/fix-it, and I read a lot of meta in that fandom but I’m not really involved in it? There’s just too much going on now. I was really into Reylo and Entrapdak for a while too, but like MDZS the fandoms got too big and I just ended up muting everything and rereading old favorites :/

two-shot: Like most writers I think, I tend to either do one-shots or multiple chapters. I’ve noticed that my emotional one-shots are usually super short, around 1.5k at most, my smut fics are <8k, and then you have the monstrosity that is my Slave AU, currently clocking in at 40k at about a third of the story… I am wide I contain multitudes and all that Before I admitted to myself that I was mostly a smut writer, I used to do like... first chapter of PG-13 fluff, and then the smut in a separate chapter but who am I kidding anymore...

most popular multi-chapter fic: And Sleep My Senses In Forgetfulness, my sleepy hospital fic, which is just gratuitous fluff (and smut). It’s one of my favorite fics so I’m really happy to see people like it!

actual worst part of writing: Not finding the proper word!! I swear by wordhippo (thesaurus.com judges me for writing porn and refuses to give me appropriately sexy synonyms, I swear) but sometimes the word just does… not… exist? or not in the right language, and it’s SO FRUSTRATING, sometimes I have the perfect movement or image in mind and I can't find the correct word for it 😭

how you choose your titles: They’re almost always adapted from lines of poetry and/or song lyrics, I hoard a bunch in my phone notes for when I need a good title. @jaecomments once asked about my titling process for one fic that didn’t take its title from that hoard, and like I told her, I literally googled “Neruda fabric” and found a good quote 😂 sorry about ruining the magic, guys 😂

do you outline: YES. I canNOT write without outlining, and outlining is my favorite part of writing. Back when I was writing my thesis, it drove my advisor crazy because I took like…. a year and a half to outline stuff before I could actually WRITE anything and he was like “are you actually working??” and yes I was, bro, respect the process plz. My drafts are pretty crude in wording but very detailed and apparently it’s kinda weird to read them? You’re lucky I spare (most of) you guys 😂

ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice: Oh sorry, did you mean my entire WIP list

callouts @ me: WRITE THE WIPS BEFORE MAKING MORE DRAFTS

best writing traits: I am thoroughly incapable of assessing my own competence and I keep getting blown away by the incredibly sweet comments I get?? I’d say that apparently I write pretty good smut 😬 intimacy and domesticity is my favorite thing so I guess that statistically I must have written some nice bits on that. Oh, and I try very hard to keep track of stuff like furniture, clothes, number of limbs, current actions etc.!

spicy tangential opinion: Dick therapy is valid - oh did you mean the other kind of spicy? Clichés are clichés for a reason, and that reason is that they work, embrace the cheesiness my friends

Tagging @mejomonster @jockvillagersonly and whoever else I haven’t seen tagged already! 💖💕

[fairy-writes]

Hello!! May I request a Tokyo Revengers and OHSHC romantic male matchup? Thank you in advance!

•••

Hello! I'm Estelle or Aster. I'm 4'1", a slytherin, and my pronouns are : He/They. I'm also Poly-Panromantic Asexual.

I'm an introvert who barely goes out, I usually stay in my room reading manga/manhwa while listening to music. I have social anxiety so I don't do well with a lot of people, especially if it's a crowd of strangers. Though, I have noticed and am quit grateful for, I have very low presence so most of the time, people around me doesn't notice I'm there at all, even if I walk in front of them, they don't notice nor see me at all.

I'm very quiet and awkward at first but once I warm up to someone, I can be pretty loud and shameless. I swear a lot, I tend to hug or have any sort of physical contact with my friends, and I make a lot of sexual and dark jokes.

I'm an indoor person, which means I'm not athletic at all. I enjoy watching sports but I don't enjoy doing them. I do play a lot of board games though, if you count that as a sport.

I'm a night owl who stays up until 3 AM in the morning and I'm usually dancing to K-Pop songs during those hours or coming up with weird ideas or thoughts ( Like those shower thoughts ).

Apart from all that, I am a kind and caring person, friendly too but lately I'm very cautious over making friends because I care too much that it ends up hurting me instead. I commit a lot to friendships and relationships, and I'm usually the therapist friend. I just care a lot and love a lot that I end up bottling up my own problems so that I wouldn't bother anyone. I have self-esteem issues and constant negative thoughts of myself, I cope by making jokes about it though. I do have a short temper and I tend to ghost or push people away when I'm angry. I love playing pranks on people, as well as having deep conversations about fandoms and making theories and such. I like to think I'm a chill person who, when left alone, can be weird ( talking to myself, doing strange dramatic acts, etc. ) Oh, I hate failing, so I work hard to win whenever I can. Be it on games, competitions or school exams, I don't like failing. It doesn't matter if I didn't win first place, as long as I didn't fail. I'm a passionate lover and friend ( though, I tend to call people I love and care for, a bitch, but lovingly 💗 ) Also, I suck at cooking, I'm only good at arts & crafts.

My style is completely androgynous.

My ideal type is someone who's willing to take the time to understand me and to be patient with me. I love a lot and will shower you with affection but I have moments where I need to go into hibernation from socializing so much because it physically and mentally pains me if I force myself to socialize more than I already have. My love language is physical affection, corny/cheesy flirts, and overly affectionate words. I will literally write you a long ass paragraph, declaring my love for you. I'm very supportive, so I want someone to support me too. Free of judgement as well. Also, communication is something I hold very strictly in relationships. If you don't want to communicate with me, we're done. I hate misunderstandings, so please be open with me. I won't rush you but don't hide it from me forever.

Hello lovely! I hope you like your matchups! This is just a reminder that if this is a romantic matchup, it’s in the current Tokyo Revengers timeline!

Tokyo Revengers Matchup: I pair you with… Ryuguji Ken!

Draken is QUITE a bit taller than you at a whopping 6’1” and still growing! I also see him as a Gryffindor, so you two make a fearsome couple despite the height difference!

He doesn’t mind that you barely go out but will sometimes take you out for rides through the countryside on his bike. He says you need the fresh air, and it gives him an excuse to show off his motorcycle skills! He makes sure to avoid any crowds, so it’s a plus for you! But, of course, he can always sense you, so your low-presence tricks don’t work on him!

Draken loves to hold your hand! So on the off chance, he loses track of your presence, he likes to make sure he’s holding your hand, so he doesn’t lose you. He also doesn’t mind that you are an indoor person! So sometimes indoor and low-key hangouts are just what he needs and appreciates! Teach him board games! He usually spends all his time with Toman, so feel free to teach him all kinds of new things when he has free time!

This big lug loves that you are so kind, caring, and friendly. Draken understands that you are cautious over making friends, so he hesitates to introduce you to Toman at first, but he introduces you after some time. Surprisingly, you and Takemichi hit it off and become fast friends!

Your short temper can be the cause of the occasional fight, but the two of you makeup quickly and apologize to each other after you both have had time to cool off. He definitely takes the time to understand and is incredibly patient with you! He deals with Mikey daily, so anything thrown his way usually just rolls off his back.

Draken knows you need time to yourself occasionally and doesn’t mind when you disappear to hibernate from social activity. He just asks for a text to let him know you’re alright, is all! I see his love language as being gift-giving. He likes buying little things that remind him of you when he has the money! But he loves holding your hand, too, as well as just general physical affection. He’ll always support you! He’d never leave you behind or in the dark about things and is big on communication! Overall, 10/10 would recommend him as a friend or boyfriend!

Ouran High School Host Club Matchup: I pair you with… Morinozuka Takashi!

Another whopping tall man! He’s even taller than Draken at 6’4”! This gentle giant is definitely either a Hufflepuff or a Gryffindor!

He’s a bit of an introvert himself which is funny given he works in a Host Club. He doesn’t push you but often asks you out on dates to go for walks around the park when there’s pretty much no one around. He doesn’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do either but does ask you to come hang out with him at the Host Club occasionally. Given his height, he is noticed pretty much immediately, so it’s something the two of you have to deal with when you go out and about.

It doesn’t take you long to warm up to Mori. He’s the strong and silent type and is a great listener! He enjoys your physical affection and will (somewhat shyly) return it! He’ll also happily watch sports with you even if it isn’t his favorite; he tends to watch martial arts matches instead of things like football or basketball. He’ll also play board games with you as a fun date night!

Mori loves that you are so kind, caring, and friendly! However, he also understands where you are coming from when you say you are cautious about making friends. He’s had too many people try and get close to him just for popularity’s sake. But he grows close to you quickly and opens up as well as listens to all your problems and worries!

His kendo training helps him keep his emotions in check, so your short-temper doesn’t affect him. He also doesn’t mind your pranks; he takes care of Honey, after all. He also admires your tenacity when it comes to working hard, so you don’t fail! He also loves how passionate you are towards him and your friends! Mori is incredibly patient and tries his best to understand you. He gets a little embarrassed at times with all the affection you show him but learns to love just as much as he loves you :)

[shamelesslymkp]

I posted 5,484 times in 2021

1495 posts created (27%)

3989 posts reblogged (73%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.7 posts.

I added 6,707 tags in 2021

#queue me up scotty - 1752 posts

#schrödinger's content warnings - 1143 posts

#fic recs - 1143 posts

#via:pinboard - 1142 posts

#i eat fic for breakfast - 1142 posts

#fic recs: supernatural - 149 posts

#ain't no other mkp - 125 posts

#fic recs: dcu - 70 posts

#source:biggest-gaudiest-patronuses - 23 posts

#fic recs: avatar - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#and reading the author's words about how upsetting and close to home this may be for readers and they understand if people can't keep readin

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

y’all i’m fucking dying here

on the one level, this is just. incredibly hot and sweet and oops they accidentally kink. (psst @gentledomcas if you have not seen this one yet um please do not run but do walk swiftly towards the ao3, I feel you will not regret it)

on the other level, this is the most olympic level of intricate rituals i have ever seen, holy shit

“Cool,” he says, even though ‘cool’ is the last word he would use to describe the way he feels right now. This is the least cool he thinks he’s ever felt in his life. He can’t believe he’s going to have sex with his best friend for a damn case.

But it doesn’t mean anything, right? And it certainly doesn’t make him gay. No, this is to  help out some poor gay porn stars who have landed themselves in psych wards because of some sort of bigoted spirit. Dean’s just helping them out, and if he has to get his hands dirty in a way that’s a little different than usual, well, he’s man enough to do it.

DEAN: I can’t believe I’m going to have sex with that angel, record it, and upload it to the internet.

LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE: well, you don’t have to --

DEAN: No, I’m gonna.

10 notes • Posted 2021-07-27 14:59:53 GMT

#4

Hey, I posted the plagiarism thing. We think that the Revenge series might be plagiarized from a destiel fic by apokteino called With Understanding, but the challenge is, the original is deleted - apokteino removed their account last winter. If I got you the PDF do you think you could check? (I'd dm but your box is closed to people not following you, sorry. You should be able to message me?)

for sure! let me see if i have an archived copy, too, although it doesn't sound familiar

ETA: no, I don’t have a copy archived. but if someone gets me a copy to read, I can for sure check it out!

13 notes • Posted 2021-08-04 22:47:24 GMT

#3

...it is so fucking weird reading fic about ‘lifestyle’ kinksters written by people completely outside of the scene, because it’s not exactly that they’re getting it wrong, I’m sure some people do in fact manage their kink relationships in such a way, but they write it like it’s standard and I’m just like... have you ever... talked to someone actually in the scene? or just read fantasies on fetlife.

like, I’m not judging, exactly - it’s like the fanon standard version of bdsm clubs, which are clearly based more on other fan representations of bdsm clubs than anything else, and have a lot of inspiration from (probably) porn and the old leather traditions, it’s certainly a subset of kink culture, it’s just. really fucking weird when people write it as the standard.

I suppose other people might find it weird when I write lifestyle kinkster fics based on the contemporary DC scene, though, so.

I am pretty excited about the fact that I’m finally seeing kinkster fics written by people who clearly do have experience in the scene, I knew they had to be somewhere.

14 notes • Posted 2021-03-09 23:11:45 GMT

#2

WAIT WHAT THE FUCK @rthstewart​ WHEN DID APOSTOLIC WAY GET FINISHED HOLY SHIT I THOUGHT IT WAS STILL A WIP HOW DID I MISS THIS IT WAS FINISHED IN 2013??????????????????????????????

17 notes • Posted 2021-03-28 12:50:29 GMT

#1

Shameless Self-Promotions:

MKP on the AO3 | MKP’s Fic Recs on Pinboard

MKP’s Fic & Fannish Content: @thefannishmkp | MKP’s Poetry & Original Content: @theoriginalmkp | MKP’s Poetry Fan Blog: @anotherarspoetica | MKP’s ND Reaction Gifs Blog: @hashtagactuallyautisticreactions

MKP’s Sequel to the Annotated Dean: @theannotateddean

Before You Follow: Content Warnings

WARNING THE FIRST: This blog is sometimes NSFW and occasionally contains images, videos, and writing of the pornographic variety (more specifically of the kinky variety). Blacklist the words "NSFW" and "KINK" to only see the vanilla geeky gleefulness. I also recommend blacklisting either my "i eat fic for breakfast" or "via:pinboard" tags due to the automated feed of fics I've recently bookmarked on pinboard, which include a copy of the original author's AO3 tags in the content of the text post. Please note that if you are using Tumblr's native blacklist function, you must blacklist the specific tags "nsfw for kate's bls" and "kink for kate's bls" to ensure the posts are filtered. Update, July 2019: While I do comply with Tumblr's ban on adult-only (visual) content, I do reblog and/or post explicit and/or kink-related content (particularly resources) from time-to-time. This means that this is still an ADULTS-ONLY blog! If you are under 18 (or whatever the legal age is in your country), Stop. Do not pass go. Unfollow my blog. Do not look at my archive. Do not like or reblog explicit or kinky materials I have posted or reblogged. Come back when you’re older. This is mainly an honor system kind of thing, but if I happen to discover a minor following me, I will a) ask you to unfollow immediately and b) block you if necessary. WARNING THE SECOND: Unfortunately, due to a frequent lack of spoons and an increasing reliance on phoneblogging, I no longer can commit to regularly tagging content on this blog. I still try to tag for (at the very least) NSFW and kinky content, and for common triggers such as sucidal ideation, talk about self-harm, etc., but I cannot commit to it. I sometimes manage to tag posts about politics or discourse, but not always. Please protect yourself and follow with caution.

17 notes • Posted 2021-04-18 17:23:16 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Sixty Eight

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

June 23rd, 2000

Emile looked at the surprise on Faith’s face with glee. “Do you like it?” he asked her.

“Emile...you set up this entire thing for me?” Faith asked, looking over at him.

“Yeah, of course!” Emile said. “You said that you couldn’t have a party because you broke your wrist and you wouldn’t be able to set one up in time when you were holed up in the hospital, so consider this a double party! A welcome home and a birthday party!”

Faith shook her head, grinning and crushing Emile in a hug. “Oh, Emile, I love you so much,” she laughed. “I’m going to miss you after this summer.”

Emile grinned and hugged her just as tight. “I’m going to miss you too. Never stop writing.”

“Never,” Faith promised.

  July 28th, 2002

Emile turned as he heard snickering behind him, but he wasn’t quick enough to avoid the big wave of water that was aggressively shoved into his face before he was promptly tackled by a very excited Remy. Emile laughed, even as he sputtered and spat out salt water. “Was that really necessary, Rem?” Emile asked.

“No,” Remy said with a shameless grin. “But it was really funny.”

Emile laughed and shook his head, just as a wave rose up behind them, easily as tall as Emile was, and both of them were rather unceremoniously shoved onto the shoreline. Emile laughed hard enough that the wave retreating was starting to pull him back into the water before Remy grabbed his hands and kept him lying on the sand. “We should have come to the beach ages ago,” Emile laughed.

“Agreed,” Remy said with a grin, sitting down next to Emile. “Especially because I get to see you in boardshorts.”

“You’ve seen me in less,” Emile said, frowning.

“Yeah, but there’s something about the beach that makes everything and everyone look good,” Remy said. “Especially this one guy in particular...”

“I agree, the beach does make you look good,” Emile said.

Remy squeaked and whacked Emile. “I was talking about you, doofus!”

Emile laughed and offered Remy a wink. “Oh, come on, you know you look good in swim trunks, don’t deny it!”

Remy was blushing furiously and crossed his arms. “This conversation was not supposed to be about me, mister!”

“Well, it is now,” Emile said with a huge grin. “And you look positively stunning when you’re all happy and giggly at the beach.”

“No. Not allowed. Illegal,” Remy said, shaking his head. “You cannot compliment me like that.”

“I can, and I will,” Emile threatened. “If you don’t acknowledge your beauty yourself, someone else has to do it for you.”

Remy huffed and stood with a stretch, and Emile got to his feet as well. “I’m not that pretty, Emile,” he huffed. “Besides, I’d rather look handsome today.”

“Descriptors aside, you’re attractive,” Emile said simply. “I will fight you on this.”

“Then fight me, loverboy!” Remy said, shoving Emile before running into the water.

Emile stood there in shock a moment, just registering what Remy had said, before he laughed and ran after Remy, shoving water into his face with a laugh. Remy sputtered and shoved water back at Emile, but Emile blocked most of the spray. He grinned, jumping through the water and clinging to Remy like an octopus. “Emile!” Remy exclaimed with a laugh. “Let me go!”

“Nope!” Emile exclaimed, laughing.

“Come on, Emile, let go!” Remy laughed, pushing and tugging at Emile’s various limbs, but Emile would not be moved.

They continued like this for a while, Emile giggling as Remy tried to break free of Emile’s grip, before Remy got a light in his eyes and he walked out of the deeper water, causing Emile’s legs to drop. “Hey! No fair!” Emile exclaimed, still laughing.

Remy walked out of the waves to the shore, and undid Emile’s grip on him. Emile groaned. “You just sucked all the fun out of that!” he exclaimed.

“Well, I need to reapply sunscreen, and so do you,” Remy said, walking back to their towels.

Emile sighed but followed Remy and sat down on his towel, fishing in their bag for the sunscreen. He passed it to Remy, who immediately started to apply it. “I am not getting sunburned on our day trip to the beach,” Remy said. “I don’t mind a tan, but I refuse to get sunburnt.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Emile said. “Sunburn sucks, especially if you have it where you normally wear clothing.”

Remy hummed his agreement, before asking, “Can you get my back?”

“Sure,” Emile said.

Remy knelt down and Emile rubbed a coat of sunscreen onto Remy’s back, about as thin as the layer Remy put everywhere else. Emile spoke idly as he rubbed in the sunscreen. “We should do this again sometime.”

“Agreed,” Remy said. “It’s nice.”

“Where do you think we should grab lunch?” Emile asked.

Remy hummed as Emile finished applying sunscreen. “I’m always a sucker for pizza by the beach,” he said.

“Sounds like a plan,” Emile said.

“Put sunscreen on yourself, too,” Remy said, turning to look at Emile with a stern face.

Emile rolled his eyes. “Come on, Rem, I’m not going to burn!”

“You’re right, you’re not. Because you’re reapplying your sunscreen. I’ll do it myself if I have to,” Remy warned.

Sighing, Emile put on a thin cover of sunscreen himself. “You know, I’m pale, but I don’t burn easily.”

“Whatever you say,” Remy said. “You’re still reapplying it.”

“Because you threatened to treat me like a toddler and smear it on yourself,” Emile scoffed, passing the bottle back to Remy. “My back?”

Remy obliged and Emile looked around, noticing a family setting up nearby, with a little girl staring at them. Emile smiled and waved, and she waved back. She turned to the woman putting up an umbrella, asking something, and the woman glanced over to them before saying something Emile didn’t catch. The girl ran up to Emile and Remy and asked, “Are you two best friends?”

Emile and Remy looked at each other and laughed. “Something like that, yeah,” Emile said. “Why do you ask?”

“I don’t usually see two men putting on sunscreen for each other,” the girl said with a shrug. “And I figured you must trust each other a lot.”

“You’re right that we trust each other a lot,” Remy spoke up. “We’ve known each other for almost two years now.”

“Has it really only been two years?” Emile asked. “It feels like it’s been forever.”

Remy laughed and kissed Emile’s temple. “It’s really only been two years,” he said.

The girl looked shocked. “You just kissed him!” she exclaimed.

“Yeah,” Remy said. “I can do that. We’re dating.”

The girl’s mother walked over and grabbed her by the hand, glaring at Emile and Remy. “Don’t go putting ideas in my daughter’s head!” she hissed.

Emile and Remy glanced at each other when the mother was gone, and they started to giggle. “Oh, boy, is she in for a surprise,” Emile said. “The next town over is a college town. The gays are everywhere, and they’re open about it.”

Remy snickered. “Not only the ones who have summer semesters, but the ones who come back from their studies and work as lifeguards or have jobs on the boardwalk, too.”

They continued to laugh for a minute before Remy sighed and Emile yawned. “Man, we’ve only been here a few hours but I’m exhausted,” he said.

“Well, maybe lunch would help with that?” Remy offered. “I think it’s about noon.”

Emile grabbed his glasses and watch from the bag and checked the time. “It’s closer to one-thirty, actually.”

“Oh, we’re definitely getting lunch, then,” Remy said, standing up and shaking the sand out of his towel. “Come on, babe, we’ve gotta eat before we pass out.”

Emile stood and folded up his towel and grabbed their bag, and together they went back to the parking lot to put away their beach stuff. They both pulled on shirts and headed to the pizza parlor they had eyed on the way over here.

When they walked in they were directed to seats and Emile looked around. It was a nice place, over all. But here was the perfect chance to get some more ideas for the project. “Hey, Rem.”

Remy looked up from his menu and groaned. “Come on, Emile. This, again? Why are you so insistent about following through with this game?”

Emile shrugged. “I just want your opinion on a couple things,” he said innocently. “What do you think of the layout of the restaurant? Compared to the shop that you have visualized in your head?”

“Well, I probably wouldn’t have booths,” Remy said, looking around. “They’re usually difficult to move for cleaning, and so much dust and dirt and stuff gets stuck under them or really close to them because it’s hard to clean the nooks and crannies.”

“So, only tables with chairs?” Emile asked. “Would that be an accessibility issue?”

“I’d have different heights,” Remy said definitively. “Regular height tables around the edges, with some tables higher up for people who are able to stand and climb up onto seats. And this is gonna sound weird to you...”

Emile tilted his head to the side, silently asking Remy to continue.

“...But I would have rectangular tables at the edges and circular ones in the middle, if at all possible. Less space to take up, and more potential space for a line, which I doubt would go out the door, but it’s whatever, you know?”

“It’s forethought. I like it,” Emile said, nodding and making mental adjustments in his head.

Remy ran a hand down his face and sighed. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Sorry for insisting we do this, like, every time we go out, but...you need a solid layout before you start a shop.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Remy said with a weak smile. “I’m just very tired, and I don’t want to talk or think shop right now, you know?”

“Yeah, I get it,” Emile said with a nod. “I’ll let it drop.”

A waitress came over and took their order, returning with their drinks and promising that their pizza would be out shortly. Remy was fiddling with the paper wrapper from his straw and he hummed. “Okay. I know I said I didn’t want to talk shop, but can I just...like, vent over something really quick?”

“Sure,” Emile said, faintly surprised. Remy never brought up this sort of stuff unless it was really bugging him, so it had to be important.

“I don’t get why so many people in so many coffee shops go out of their way to buy the expensive coffee grounds and advertise where from the world it came from. Like, ethically sourced? Yeah, of course, promote that. But a lot of the time they spring for expensive grounds and they just...don’t do anything different with them. And, sure, some grounds will taste better than others. But if you don’t do anything original with it to adjust the flavor, what’s the point? Most people won’t tell the difference between the different kinds of bitter, and you have to raise prices to boot because of the cost of the grounds going into the coffee.” Remy shook his head and took a long sip of his soda. “It...it doesn’t make sense to me.”

Emile nodded along. “That makes sense. So your shop, you’d use regular coffee grounds, whatever that means?”

“I’d use the basic stuff, probably, yeah. At least at first, because that’s what I’d be able to afford. And I’d want it to be ethically sourced, ideally. Which, I know is a bit more pricey, but not out of the price range entirely. But basic coffee grounds with other ingredients still make a mean mocha if you know what you’re doing,” Remy said.

“I don’t know the first thing about making coffee, so I’ll leave you to that part of the business,” Emile said with a laugh.

Remy offered a sly grin. “Yeah. I wouldn’t ask your opinion on that without doing extensive research first so I can simplify things for you. And because you don’t know the terminology.”

Emile laughed unapologetically. “Thank you for being aware of that,” he said with a grin. “Means a lot that you would at least try and get me to understand.”

“Well, of course. It’s nice to have someone to run your plans by,” Remy said simply. “And since Theo graduated and has started doing his own thing, my pool of options has gone down by one. And when you don’t have a lot of options to begin with, that’s a big hit.”

“Maybe so,” Emile allowed. “But I’m willing to bet that your network is bigger than you think it is.”

Remy shrugged. “Maybe,” he allowed. “Maybe.”

[magioftheseas]

You're The Woooorst~!

Summary: Even worse was that he got violently ill in front of Ouma, of all fucking people. That wasn’t the worst day of his life. That was the worst night of his life. Because, as it turned out, when he woke up, he was still violently ill. And Ouma was, of course, the one to know about it, showing up in his damn room unannounced.

Rating: T

Warnings: Kaito being sick but it’s not too bad. Also lotta cursing.

Notes: Wanted to write a short Oumota fic, thought that “taking care of him while sick” would be a simple enough premise. It ended up a little complicated anyway...

***Alternate Ao3 Link***

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This was shaping up to be one of the worst days of his life. First, that bastard Shinguuji insisted on telling ghost stories, which freaked him out so much that he had to escape before he got violently ill. Which he did. But even worse was that he got violently ill in front of Ouma, of all fucking people.

That wasn’t the worst day of his life. That was the worst night of his life. Because, as it turned out, when he woke up, he was still violently ill.

“Morn-ing-star-shine!”

And Ouma was, of course, the one to know about it, showing up in his damn room unannounced, with a towel, a bucket full of water, and a puke bag. He must’ve picked the lock because Kaito is damn sure that he locked the door last night.

“Oh, wow, you look great for a sick man on death’s door! Juuuust kidding! Nishishishi! You look awful! Absolutely awful!”

Kaito groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes and wishing for a meteor to crash into his room right now. Preferably where Ouma was standing. Although Ouma skipped closer, cheeky grin splitting his face before he shoved Kaito down onto the bed.

“Didn’t your grandma ever tell you to take it easy when you’re sick?” he sing-songs. “You’re going to fall into your grave before ever taking a single step on the moon! And I’ll be sooooo sad, Momota-chan!”

Kaito growled at him, but he imagined that being in a lame cold sweat and having watery eyes decimated the effect any kind of glare would have.

“Do you really have to be here?” he snapped. “Or does seeing a guy sick get you off?”

“How’d you know?” Ouma asked, batting his eyelashes coyly before gagging. “As if! Even if I were into that, you look like a dog, especially with that goatee of yours.”

“Don’t knock the goatee!” His voice raised to a rasp. “And get the hell out! You’re the last face I need to see right now!”

“Can you even see with eyes that teary?” Ouma retorted, flicking his nose. Before Kaito could attempt to yell, Ouma scrubbed his face with the towel, not even bothering to be gentle, the asshole. “Besides, I’ll have you know I’m here out of the goodness of my heart.”

Kaito would’ve sputtered either way because of the towel rubbing against his mouth.

“That’s the worst lie I’ve ever heard you told.”

“It’s true,” Ouma insisted, soaking the towel and wringing the water out. “We both know you’re such a prideful fucker that no one else is aware of the fact that you’re as delicate as a flower, Momota-chan.”

“Fuck you!”

“And as a result.” Ouma tutted at him. “You planned on just sweating it out alone in your room rather than asking for anyone’s help. Which, truth be told, is so stupid I don’t even know how to comprehend it. Seriously, Momota-chan. That’s so miserable, it brings a tear to the eye! Boo-hoo!”

“So, what?” Kaito demanded. “What kind of guy would I be if I put that kind of burden on everyone?”

Ouma wiped down his face again. He was even rougher than the last time.

“Ow, ow, ow! S-Seriously, knock that shit off!”

“You knock shit off,” Ouma retorted, pulling on his beard and hopping away before Kaito could shove him off. “You’re an even bigger bullshitter than I am if you seriously believe that.”

“Urgh.” Kaito rolled his eyes and covered his head with his pillow. “I don’t have to hear this.”

He still heard Ouma shuffling about. Soaking the towel and wringing out the water again. Ouma letting out an annoyed little huff.

“Hey.” There’s a harsh jab into his side, making him jump. “Does your stomach hurt?”

“Fuck off!”

“Not an answer,” Ouma said, unimpressed. He shrugged. “But given that you’re not bitching about it, I guess it’s fine for now.”

Kaito grumbled and glared at him.

“You’re lucky I feel too much like shit to kick your ass.”

Ouma scoffed, heading into the bathroom and turning on the sink.

“And I was so worried about you!” he exclaimed over the running water, faking a sob. “Oh, Momota-chan, you had me worried sick! I thought you might die again! I can’t go through that a second time, I just can’t!”

Ouma came back, an expression like stone and a cup of water in his hand. Rather robotically, he handed it over.

“Drink. Or else I’ll tell everyone about your little display last night.”

“Are you blackmailing me?!”

Ouma’s lips twitched at the corner.

“I would never.”

Scowling, Kaito snatched the cup and downed the water, glowering down at the other challengingly. Ouma remained stoic.

“What?” Kaito had the childish desire to throw the empty cup at him but refrained. A real man kept his cool, even with annoying shits like Ouma around. “If you got something to say, say it.”

“Don’t you get exhausted talking so much?” Ouma cocked an eyebrow. “You’re sick. You should conserve your energy.”

Kaito snarled at him but bit his tongue.

He’s riling me up on purpose. Well. I’m not gonna fall for it anymore.

To prove his internal point, he turned away with a huff, nose upturned. Ouma’s stare on him remained, feeling almost uncomfortable, but Kaito let that wash over him like water. If he couldn’t deal with weird looks from a brat, what kind of luminary did that make him?

A shameless kid like Ouma wouldn’t get that. He’s too—immature. Naïve.

It wasn’t like Ouma was a bad person. Malicious, mean-spirited, and a fucking asshole, absolutely. But not a bad person. Just a brat who sucked ass at connecting with other people.

Kaito wasn’t that stupid. He knew that Ouma was here right now because he was worried. It was more than irritating—the reason why he kept his weird illness a secret was because he didn’t want people to worry, but Ouma was the kind of kid all the more excited when told no. All about butting his head where it didn’t belong, even when it resulted in burdens that no one should have to carry.

Ouma’s existence was so exhausting that Kaito didn’t understand how the kid could have so much energy despite living the way he did. Seriously.

Maybe that’s admirable in its own way?

He wasn’t sure, but he was tired. And dizzy. And nursing a headache. Oh, that was probably the sickness again. Great. Fucking great.

Kaito fell back with a sigh, crumbling the cup in his hand. The loud crackling of plastic just felt like mockery. It made his headache even worse.

“Urgh... This sucks... It sucks so bad.”

Ouma just takes the broken cup from him, probably to toss. How responsible. Too bad Kaito’s eyes were so watery that it was difficult to see now. Ouma just looked like a blob of purple of white. Kinda funny if not for the fact that his eyes stung, leaving him cursing as he furtively tried wiping them off.

The wet washcloth is pressed against his face again, but this time it’s cold, and before Kaito can protest, it’s thrown over his eyes.

“They were getting so swollen they looked fit to burst,” Ouma said, remarkably cool with even a calm click of the tongue. “Not a lie. If your eyes did burst into bits, that would be pretty horrifying.”

“Horrifying?” Kaito echoed before snorting. “It’d be a tragedy. I’d never be able to see the stars again if that happened. Everything would just be dark forever.”

“A nightmare for a luminary,” Ouma murmured. He flicked Kaito’s nose, making him gripe and flail at nothing but the air. “Did you know, Momota-chan? You’re so dim-witted that your vision already is super dark.”

“Oi! That’s uncalled for and untrue!” Momota does push himself up. It causes a bit of a rush that nearly knocks himself senseless, but he manages to keep his body upright as he lunges for that splotch of white. He ends up tumbling out of the bed, hitting the ground harshly and with nothing in his grasp. “Urgh... Ow...”

“See?” Ouma asks airily. “You’re so stuuuuupid, Momota-chan.”

Momota lets out a pained groan, but Ouma’s standing in front of him. Ouma, who grabs the back of his shirt collar. He hears the threads protest and tear and Ouma yanks.

“Dense, dumb, dull,” Ouma scoffs and drops him. He hadn’t been able to lift him much, so it didn’t hurt, but it was still irritating. “I swear. It’s sickening. Get back into bed, idiot. Unless you want to die here? If you do, don’t worry. I’ll lie to the others and say that I killed you. Spare you the embarrassment. Of course...” There’s a grin in his voice, but the laugher afterward... “Saihara-chan’s still gonna figure it out. Nishishishi.”

It doesn’t sound joyful at all.

Ouma’s really just that annoyed with him.

That’s a real joke if Kaito’s ever thought of one, so his chuckle is a lot more sincere. He tastes blood, and it’s still funny.

“What?” Ouma sounds real unimpressed now. “Have you lost your mind?”

He snorts. “Everything’s, uh, spinning a lot. Spiraling. Like satellites around masses.”

“Come on.” Ouma grabs him properly. “Get back to bed before you spiral out of control.”

“Hahah...” He does manage to pull himself to his feet with Ouma’s help, even as he sways a little. “So no-nonsense. You’re sounding less like your usual shitty self, Ouma.”

“Actually, I’m nobody. Nobody you know. Nobody you care about. Nobody at all.”

“Nobody, huh? Then...it’s fine.”

When he falls back into bed, his fingers curl tightly into Ouma’s ragged white shirt and he digs in. Ouma gasps sharply, falling with him. Another thud. Kaito’s head hurts, and when he comes to, he feels Ouma’s arm close to his scalp, Ouma’s knee by his hip, and Ouma’s harsh exhale of breath.

“...what the hell is this? What are you playing at, Momota-chan?”

He can’t answer when it hurts too much to think.

“You’re awful. Just the worst. The absolute worst.” And yet, Ouma does lean in. That liar presses his open mouth to Kaito’s cheek, lips pursing damply against his skin before murmuring into his ear. “You’re also delirious.”

At that point, Kaito just didn’t want to think so he let his eyes fall.

“This is the worst,” he heard Ouma lament just before he fell completely and utterly out of it.

He wakes up later in an empty room, head a bit clearer. He blinks once at the ceiling. Twice. There’s a wet washcloth folded upon his forehead. It’s long since gone a bit lukewarm.

Wait. What the actual hell was that?