#which is sad bc i do love house avenging | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

koitrash · 3 years ago

Text

The Dress

‘You burned so bright your flames engulfed me, your fire so hot I wanted it to annihilate me, along with everything you touched. And I thought, maybe a little selfishly, you couldn't possibly destroy the same heart you mended.

Could you?’

Pairing: Ellie Williams x reader

Summary: You and Ellie break up and find each other again LMFAOOO THATS IT BUT ITS SO CUTE I SWEAR TRUST ME

Warnings: Angst, fluff, cursing, basically same as the game, jumping around chronologically

Word count: 8.2k (sorry lol)

A/N: Okay maybe im just really emotional after writing this but i actually love it so much i kinda didn't want to share it??? Idk it took weeks to write because i dunno it needed to be PERFECT. I tried a different way of storytelling here, kinda wanted the flashbacks to roll into the present time parts idk if i did it any justice but that was the thought behind it. This fic is very angsty and very fluffy and im emotional so listen to some sad break up songs and some cute falling in love songs :)

edit: okay yall totally have to listen to 'Elliot's song' by Dominic Fike and Zendaya during the first kiss scene i'm BEGGING YOU TO ITS SO CUTE

Also this was def inspired by Saintrvckwell and Thelastoflesbians bc i adore their writing so much it FUELED me and obviously 'the dress' by dijon started all of this so everyone should def listen to it cos it's an amazing song

The gravel crushed under Ellie’s battered and clearly loved converses as she stared at the old house at the end of the street, some flowers scattered on the porch with the sunset falling under the roof, painting the clouds hues of orange and pink. She couldn’t pinpoint her feelings at the time but she knew how she was supposed to feel. Acceptance, forgiveness, maybe even some hope. Sure, she was still working on feeling that way about Joel but there was still something back in Jackson. Something she left here long ago. Someone she couldn't muster up the courage to talk to in almost 2 years. A feeling of guilt she couldn't shake, no matter who she killed, who she avenged, who she forgave.

She fiddled with her hands and for a split second she thought about leaving. To go find the next adventure waiting for her while she left open cuts unhealed and words left unsaid. She thought about how time heals

all wounds. About how this person probably moved on, living life just like when Ellie was never in it. But she spent a lot of time thinking about this, too much time. So much time that before she knew it her feet led her right back here. Standing in front of Joel’s old house, the ghost of her two favorite people talking on the porch faded into a stale memory. So she listened to that deafening voice in her head, turning on her heels to leave until she caught sight of that painfully familiar fabric dancing in the wind, connected to a painfully familiar body. One she knew all too well.

Ellie’s fingers roamed over the soft fabric of a dress and she thought about how much you would like it. How pretty it would look on you. So she picked it up and stuffed it in her bag before Jesse called her to show something he found. What it was, she still didn't know because all she could think about was how beautiful you would look in that dress. You two had been dating for a couple of months and she thought the gesture would be completely too sappy but she was so head over heels for you she didn't care.

She was practically strumming with excitement as she sat on her couch, a box resting beside her, waiting for you to finally knock on the door. To which she would wait three seconds before opening because she didn't want to seem like she was actually waiting at the door like a love sick puppy. Not that you would have noticed because that was the day you held a cassette tape behind your back, eager to show Ellie your find. She swung the door open to see you beaming back at her.

“The Sick Habit.” You smiled, waiting for Ellie to question your seemingly random statement.

“Why do you and Dina keep calling it that? It's The Slick Habit.” She grinned back at you, stepping aside to let you in.

“Well it doesn't matter because I finally found a tape so you could listen to it.” The small box almost flew out of your hands from how fast you whipped it out. Ellie’s jaw immediately dropped as she walked closer, grabbing the plastic from your hands.

“No fucking way.”

“Yes fucking way because I’m the best girlfriend ever and fucking awesome.” You pointed your fingers in the air in a ‘matter of fact’ kind of way with a shit eating grin plastered on your face.

“Where the hell did you find this?”

“There’s a music store over by the old ski resort, Joel took me by it today on patrol.” You didn't miss the falter in the girl's smile at the mention of her father figure. Ellie moved to the cassette player on the dresser as you sat on the couch, a ribbon tied box tucked in the corner caught your attention before Ellie sat beside you. She distracted you quickly, handing you an ear bud, silly grin of excitement back on her face. You listened but you couldn't say you were paying too much attention because Ellie was sitting so close to you her warm breath danced on your cheek and you were getting hotter and hotter every second. Sure, you guys were dating for sometime now but the butterflies in your stomach everytime you two were close never went away. She glanced over to you, smile still on her face as her head bopped slightly to the music.

“Do you like it?” She asked.

“Yeah.” Your voice wavered, a tad bit breathless but you couldn't help it.

“Okay then why are you looking at me like that?” Her shoulder nudged you.

“You're just… so pretty.” The words left your mouth barely over a whisper, like it was a secret between just you two. Her brows shot up, surprised at the sudden compliment.

“Pretty?” She questioned, hand moving to pull the headphone out her ear as her eyes glossed over your features.

“Yeah pretty.” You leaned forward, elbow resting on your knee as your head laid in your hand now getting a better look at your beautiful girlfriend. “Sorry, does adorable sound better to you?” This earned a laugh from Ellie. “How bout’ cute? Angelic?”

“Angelic - oof, yeah I totally see that.” Sarcasm oozed from her voice and this time it was your turn to laugh.

“Ya’ know when I first saw you I almost asked if it hurt when you fell from heaven.”

“Y/n, If you said that I would have told Maria to kick you out of Jackson.”

You threw your head back, throat bubbling with laughter before your hand flew to your mouth in an attempt to quiet yourself.

“Why do you do that?” Your girlfriend watched you, brows creased like you were some puzzle she couldn't solve.

“Do what?” Her sudden concern made you anxious. Did you do something she didn't like unknowingly? Did it upset her?

“Cover your mouth when you laugh.”

You sputtered a bit, unsure how to answer.

“Stop that.”

“What?”

“Covering your smile. It's cute.” She turned away and you almost missed the soft pink flush of her cheeks.

“What are you so sappy about?”

“Shut up.” She scoffed, a dimple poking out slightly and you adored her soft, smug smile. You decided to joke it off because although you loved telling your girlfriend every single thing you loved about her she wasn't always as verbally lovey dovey with you. Ellie liked to touch you more than she liked to say how she wanted to. She liked pet names. She liked cuddling in the morning. She liked to help you with things you were stressed with. She liked to play the guitar for you. She liked that you enjoyed just sitting next to her sometimes. So what she didn't say she showed and that was your favorite thing about her.

And now she was showing you a box. The same red ribboned wrapped box that was sitting in the corner of the couch before. You were so consumed in your thoughts of admiration of Ellie you didn't even notice her grab it.

“What's this?” You asked and she just pushed the box to you, a small smile on her features. You grabbed it, pulling the strings to let you open it, revealing a piece of clothing. Your eyebrows lifted as your fingers glided across the soft fabric. It was a beautiful dress, one that you would see on the mannequins of seemingly fancy stores. None of them were held together well enough to withstand the harsh conditions of the new world so you never got to wear one but you dreamed of it. And here it was, clamped between your hands, waiting for you to show it off.

“I found it a while ago but I wasn't sure how to give it-'' Ellie stuttered in front of you, fiddling with her fingers like she always does when she's nervous. You immediately soothed her thoughts, wrapping your arms around her neck to pull her in close. Her arms hugged your waist, just like they always do and you wanted to stay here forever.

“Thank you El. It's beautiful.”

The dress fit you perfectly, complimenting your curves in all the right ways even years after wearing it for the first time. Ellie loved that dress on you, the way she looked at you in it gave you a euphoric high. Every single time. And this time was no exception. She stared at you down the street and you were more shocked it was actually her in the flesh. You hadn't seen her in years since the Seattle trip and last you heard about her, she was headed on a suicide mission to Santa Barbara.

You were heading to the church for the spring dance when you saw a glimpse of her familiar frame standing in the middle of the road. You'd been helping Maria set up for the annual dance since her and Tommy broke things off you kinda became her right hand man. Dina came back to Jackson after Ellie left since taking care of an entire farm and raising a baby was understandably too much for one person to handle. Ellie stayed with her after Jesse’s passing to help out but you never could bring yourself to visit them at the farm, still unable to see her again. But you loved Dina so you were more than happy when she decided to come back, eager to help out in any way you could.

The Seattle aftermath was the most painful experience you ever faced. Ellie couldn't stomach coming back to Jackson so after the break up you were more happy than you'd care to admit that she wouldn't step foot here anymore. Her blind rage put more of a mental strain on you than you'd expect but Ellie changed a lot after Joel's death. She wasn't the girlfriend you once had and although you would follow her to the end of the earth you still had boundaries, morals you wouldn't cross and that line blurred for her.

Dina’s face was twisted, full of anger, maybe even disappointment when she told you Ellie left to finish what she couldn't in Seattle. You were angry too but you knew your ex girlfriend well. You knew this wasn't your decision to make, there was no convincing her to rethink and you had no faith she would even listen to you. The only thing you wanted to do - could do was distract yourself. Become completely engulfed in helping other people. Maybe it helped satisfy the need to take the weight off a random person's back since you couldn't do it for the one person who needed it the most. You tried not to think about how Ellie was probably dead, gone for good. You didn't let your mind wander to what you would have said to her if you saw her again. You didn't cry yourself to sleep in your cold bed wishing she was still next to you. Because Ellie wasn't coming back and it took you almost two years to finally come to terms with it.

So to see her staring at you with the same utter admiration sparking in her beautiful green eyes was jarring to say the least. Your head felt like it just got knocked off and screwed on backwards because your thoughts were confusing, feeling happy, relieved, angry, maybe even a little sad but your legs moved on their own. Your body naturally gravitated to her, telling your limbs to wrap their arms around her neck and feel her arms hug your waist like they used to but your brain still felt betrayal, an unsettling feeling to stay far away from her.

“Ellie.” Fell from your lips like you were speaking to a ghost. And she only stared back and you knew she was scared, like any word she muttered was going to have you reeling back so you actually walked this time. Because your body knew that's what it's supposed to do when she made that face. Your body wanted to hold her, make that face go away, replaced with a warm smile. The smile she always gave you.

Ellie watched you step closer, hesitating for a second before taking another step but she was frozen in place. The one person she couldn't forgive herself for for years was standing a couple of yards away from her and she had to catch her breath because for a second there she almost forgot how beautiful you were. You took another step and she watched your dress, the one she gifted you all those years ago, flow in the wind so angelically she actually thought there was a heaven for a second. Another step and she felt a pull to you. A familiar pull because her body naturally wanted to hold you, just like always. And it wasn't until she finally moved her leg, just a little bit and you were running towards her, like that movement was confirmation she was real. She opened her arms and your warm body pressed against her, arms wrapping around her neck and she melted. Everything melted in your hold. Her anxiety, fears, regrets, guilt. All of it disappeared like it was never there to begin with.

And all she could do was mutter “I'm sorry.” as she buried her face in your neck, consumed by your scent.

And all you could do was hold her like she was going to turn into dust if you let go because for the first time in almost two years breathing came easy again.

But your anger didn't just fizzle out the way you thought. You weren't completely healed like you wanted. You couldn't look at the love of your life and say you didn't feel anything. Any hate, any betrayal, any longing or love.

“I couldn’t do it.” You felt her warm tears roll down your nape as she curled into your neck, trembling slightly as you held her and you couldn't hold the lump in your throat down anymore. This Ellie, that was now cradled in your arms, was who you fell in love with. She was soft, felt empathy for the lives she took but more importantly this Ellie here with you now was tired. She was tired of the constant fight with herself. With her past actions, her rage and fury. “It's okay.” Was the only thing you got to muster up the words to say. You didn't know how to comfort her, she'd been through so much shit you felt words didn't penetrate the way they used to. “Joel wouldn't have wanted you to Ellie, it's okay.”

“Yeah.” She muttered between soft sobs, “I know.” Ellie didn't cry much. She was always one to shed tears in private, never to show she wasn't as strong as she tried to be, wanted to be. You felt her grip on you loosen, signaling it was time to let go so you did, pulling back to see her red rimmed eyes and pink nose. God, you missed Ellie so much it almost hurt to see her again as your ex. Her hair was shorter now, cut at weird angles that you figured she did herself and somehow still managed to look amazing. She sent you a ghost of a smile and you noted all the new scars her face wore now. And before either one of you guys could say another word someone called out to you.

You couldn't ignore the way your heart sank as reality came crashing back down, hearing your girlfriend call your name somewhere behind you. It's been almost two years and you didn't want to be alone forever. There was nothing wrong with your current partner. You two communicated well. She was sweet at times. The sex was … good.. enough… okay, closer to below satisfactory. But deep down you knew she was only there to fill in the gaping hole Ellie left in your heart. And you knew no one could ever replace, or replicate the pure love you two had for each other.

But you couldn't just throw what you have now away for someone who left you already.

So you turned to your girlfriend, sniffing and forcing a smile as you raised your arm, welcoming her to the conversation. She stood beside you like she normally does but it felt so wrong. But you wrapped your arm around her like you normally do, and she smiled at you like she always does, like Ellie used to always do.

“This is Lana, my girlfriend.” You swallowed thickly, turning back to see Ellie’s crushed expression. “Lana, meet Ellie.” You chose not to state your relationship status to her. Your partner greeted her with a warm smile, completely oblivious to her past relations with you since she was fairly new to Jackson. “Maria needs you to help finish the prep for the dance.” Lana stated clearly. There was nothing wrong with Lana, she was sweet to you but she was rather strict, maybe a little boring. You nodded before she pulled away promptly, like her loving gesture was a part of a script.

“Have you seen anyone else?” You asked Ellie, who was now fiddling with her fingers again.

“No, I just got here.” She answered. Her voice was soft, barely there, like if she spoke too loud the words would fall apart.

“Dina and Maria are inside.” You threw a hand back towards the general direction of the church. “If you want to talk to them you can come with me. We can catch up after I finish helping.” A small, forced smile played on Ellie’s face at your last words. You wanted to talk to Ellie so bad. There were so many things you wanted to say, things you wanted to know, but the only questioned that blared in your head was;

Why did she leave when she promised she never would?

You gripped Ellie’s freezing hand as the cold white snow crushed underneath your steps and she sent you a worried look before you pushed the church doors open. You two had been dating for the past two weeks and almost no one knew about it. Not that you needed everyone to know but Ellie had just confessed to feeling uneasy to be seen with you in public, unsure on how people would take it, or maybe how a certain person would take it. To which you replied ‘They have bigger fish to fry than two girls kissing.’

But here you were, walking into the winter dance, hand in hand with the love of your life and you couldn't be more proud. You smiled brightly enough for the both of you as the live music filled your ears and the warm string lights lit your face. You turned to Ellie, who’s look of doubt melted into a smile before turning back to see Dina and Jesse standing at the bar which you two made a beeline for.

“If it isn’t Jackson's new love birds.” Jesse joked, already passing Ellie a cup filled with whiskey, just how she likes it.

“Please, I had to give her a pep talk before we even held hands here.” You scoffed, waving your intertwined fingers in the air and earning a laugh from Dina.

“You guys are so cute. I like you way better than that Cat chick.” Dina half joked.

“I knew you didn't like her!” Ellie finally spoke.

“I'm taking that as a compliment.” You threw your free hand up.

“Trust me it is.” Dina leaned in close, a beautiful smile playing on her face and you couldn't help smiling brighter yourself.

“No it's not.” Ellie started again.

“Don't defend your ex. Learned that the hard way.” Jesse, thankfully, cut her off before she could dig herself a hole. You laughed watching her mouth drop and her face twist defensively before she sighed in defeat, taking a swig of her drink.

The only time you let go of her hand was when Dina invited you to dance, which you gladly took now that you had some alcohol in your system making your body feel loose. Ellie was too busy talking to Jesse about some new video game he found on patrol so you slipped away from her with a reassuring smile.

Dina always danced like no one was watching. She always moved so freely it was honestly relieving to be around her. And it helped that she was so supportive of you and Ellie's relationship. You laughed and twirled with her until your sides hurt and her face was red from laughing so hard. And maybe because you two were so rowdy the band played a slow song next and everyone around broke off into cuddled up couples.

So now here you were, standing in front of Ellie again as she leaned on the bar, smiling to you and you smiled back, reaching for her hand. She watched you, pure admiration on her face as you asked an empty question. “Wanna’ dance?” But you dragged her to the dance floor before she could answer, moving her arm to wrap around your waist and draping yours over her shoulders.

“Okay, which couple do you think is gonna’ last to the next dance?” Your smile grew as the question fell from your lips and Ellie scoffed.

“Definitely not Robbie and Caitlyn.” She nodded her head to the couple swaying awkwardly together, like their parents forced them to dance and you giggled.

“What? I can't see that at all.” Your voice oozed with sarcasm as you glanced around the room, searching for your next suspect. “I think Margot and Keith won't make it.”

“Aren't they married with a kid?”

“Well sure.” You laughed and she chuckled a bit. “I had a dream a while ago that he was gay and in love with Seth.”

“That sounds like a nightmare.” A belly laugh erupted from your lips, making you double over, pressing your forehead on Ellie's shoulder as you giggled and she joined in.

You couldn't describe the feeling you felt at that moment. Excited to be so in love with your fairly new girlfriend so quickly. Sure you guys were super close before but to now be together. It was a completely different feeling altogether. To be overwhelmed with the urge to protect and care for her. But to also be scared. So scared you'd lose her. Scared the world might steal her from you. Scared you wouldn't be enough to care for her, fulfill all her needs that you wanted more than anything to satisfy. Because being with Ellie gave you a whole new meaning to life. A new meaning that you never wanted to let go of.

And she was here holding you like she'd never let go. Your eyes met hers as her face melted into a look of longing but appreciative and you fell into the trance of her big mesmerizing green eyes. Your heart felt like it was going to crawl up your throat when she made the move to slightly lean into you. You knew what was coming, it was about damn time honestly. You and Ellie had been best friends for so long, secretly pining for each other so the sexual tension was enough to clear the room but both of you guys were too shy, too timid, too afraid to fuck up to make the first move. But you were tired of waiting.

Your hand cupped her jaw, guiding her lips to yours as you swallowed down the nervous jitters that were about to hurl out your mouth. Ellie didn't waste any time either, pulling your hips close to hers as she closed the distance, lips meeting yours in the most delightful way possible. It felt like the entire room went silent; the only sound was your heartbeat matching hers. If you were honest, you wish you could have paid more attention to how soft her lips were or how her hand ran up your spine as she tilted her head to deepen the kiss. The only thing you could think about was how perfect she was. How perfect you two were together. How she would forever bear your soul as she was now forever engraved in your heart. And you wanted nothing more than to stay by her side, no matter how painful it may be.

You pulled back, the sound of your lips smacking apart filling your ears as you stared back at her, smile tugging at the ends of her mouth.

One look at her and you could feel it, so passionate and full of fire it could burn the entire room down.

It's us against the world.

Ellie fingers grazed the bare skin of your lower back, the parts that your dress exposed. She watched you, studying your expression, trying her hardest to figure out what you were thinking in a moment like this.

You had finished the prep for the dance some time ago and Ellie had talked to both Maria and Dina before retreating to the bar to have a drink. You didn't know what her intentions were for coming back to Jackson but you decided to just enjoy her company while she was here and resume your normal life once she inevitably left.

Ellie's eyes trailed to you, watching as you spoke to your girlfriend, which pained her to acknowledge but she couldn't stop you from living your life however you wished. Sure, it was a little surprising but she shouldn't be feeling the twing of betrayal that was festering in her gut. Not after what she put you through, betrayal was the last thing she should be feeling right now. Her eyes darted to watch the brown liquid swirl in the cup cradled in her hand before taking another gulp, desperate to take her mind off the guilty feeling.

Across the room your girlfriend was telling you some shit that you could care less about. The relationship was so stale you could honestly break up with her right now. But you knew that'd be reckless. With Ellie in town your heart tugged to who it knew best, who it longed for but your mind knew you liked to remember the good parts. Forget the things you didn't want to acknowledge. The painful subjects that tarnished the relationship.

It still puzzled you; how you could be so madly in love with someone and become a stranger with them again. How your everything could say the things they said, act the way they acted, be unable to fix things because she was the glue that put you back together so you couldn't wrap your head around how the two of you couldn't fix this.

And it burned a hole in Ellie’s head ever since it happened. The scene playing over and over again that shattered the one thing she still had in life. You. She regretted the words she said more than anything but as she watched you now, mending yourself back together from knives she threw, it crossed her mind that maybe you guys weren't supposed to be together. Because you were so perfect to her, she felt her rage and grief ridden anger pour into your soul. And she wanted nothing more than to stop it, get away from you to keep you the pure angel she always knew, untainted by her past.

Maybe that's why she left that night to Seattle with Dina without telling you.

But now you were back in her arms. Because you dragged her to the dance floor, hand in hand like lovers at the winter dance, getting ready to share their first kiss. And you wrapped her arms around your waist as you leaned in close, and Ellie finally felt like she was home again. In almost two years she finally felt at peace in your arms.

“Guess who lasted?” You smiled at her, knowing she'd remember your running joke.

“Don't tell me Keith and Seth made it work out.” Her smile reflected yours, which was growing in size by the second. And as much as you didn't want to admit it, being back in Ellie’s arms was the most safe you'd felt in a really long time.

Your mouth dropped like Ellie had just told the most shocking secret of all time. “Ellie! Keith is happily married to Caitlyn! With kids! Get your mind out of the gutter!” You giggled, swaying to the music of the band and she also joined in, just like she used it. But her smile didn't quite reach her eyes, like she was holding on to something that wouldn't let her be happy. You studied her face again, wanting to burn it in your mind because after you two broke up you spent so much time trying to get rid of her face you forgot how beautiful it was.

“I really missed you, Y/n.” Ellie spoke softly but the words still felt like daggers. And she knew that she shouldn't be saying that but she really did miss you. So much.

“Ellie, what are you doing here?” You asked, ignoring the painful statement she just made and the swaying of your hips together slowed.

“I uh,” She paused, eyes darting around the room as she chewed the inside of her lip for a second. “I forgot something here. Something really important.”

“How important can it be if you left it for so long?” You questioned taking a guess on what she could have possibly left for almost two years.

“More important than she probably thinks she is.”

“Ellie,” You sighed now that she confirmed exactly what you were thinking and your heart sunk to your gut, swimming in the pool of emotions. “What do you want from me? I'm not going to leave all of this behind just because you missed me. That's not even fair.” You felt the anger bubbling in your throat, the painful memories of your breakup flooding your mind.

“I-” Ellie sputtered for a moment, desperately trying to search for the right words. “I'm not asking you to leave with me, Y/n. I just wanted to see you again.” Your arms fell from her shoulders, hands resting on her biceps that you could tell were more toned than you remembered.

“You don't get to do this Ellie. You can't just waltz back here saying ‘I miss you’ n’ shit when it's been years.” You tried to keep your voice hushed so the other couples swaying to the slow music around you couldn't hear but it was getting harder and harder by the second. Her hands fell from your waist and you took a step back. You glanced back at your girlfriend to see her bored, stale, unamused look on her face that never seems to leave and you felt absolutely no sense of comfort from it. It wasn't like looking at Ellie, you always felt an overwhelming sense of home when you looked at her but with your girlfriend you never felt that.

So you let your legs lead you. You walked, heart pounding out of your chest as your mind ran a million miles a minute. And you kept walking, feeling the wind brush your exposed legs, as gravel crushed under your heels.

Leave it up to Ellie to casually stroll back into your life after you finally mended your broken heart, like she just went out for a morning jog. Casually letting her arms wrap around your waist as she whispered sweet nothings into your ear like you two were lovers again. Knowing that you were always weak for her and you'd always be. You'd always be wrapped around her finger and her wrapped on yours. Because you two were soulmates, spirits wandering the earth waiting to finally meet each other and being inseparable ever since.

Up until Joel’s passing.

And your legs stopped, planting you at the cold, hard grave of Joel Miller, Jesse’s grave only a couple spots down. You sighed, hearing the tale tell footsteps of Ellie behind you.

Your lungs crushed as you frantically looked around for an exit as you walked close to the edge of the bombed store in the mall, overrun with WLFs. You glanced back to see Ellie, wide eyed and dripping with water before you pointed.

“Okay it's this way. We can get to the marina through here.”

“What? No, we're taking their boat.” Ellie shook her head before pointing back at the direction you assumed their boat was.

“You heard them right? They were talking about Tommy.”

She paused for a moment, eyes flickering between yours as she tried to rationalize her train of thought. “We don't know that.”

“Who else is it going to be?” Your voice dipped to speak in hushed tones as your brows furrowed.

“If it is him, he'd be gone by the time we get there. Abby is where he's headed so if we just-”

“Ellie, what if he's in trouble? We came here to get him.”

“He can take care of himself.”

“Jesus christ.”

“If you want to split up fine but if you do this, I'm not saving your ass again.”

“Are you serious right now? You would let me die over a fuckinh boat? You've got to be kidding me.” At the time you didn't know those words would sting as bad as they did, burning themselves into your memories. And you waited, hoping, praying Ellie would take it back. She'd say 'That's not what I meant.’ or ‘I didn't mean it like that.’ but they ever came. She only shrugged, face twisted like you was just supposed to be okay with that, almost baffled that you weren't.

“What the fuck.” You walked back, pacing for a second before she finally spoke up.

“Y/n, we should be going for Abby and you know it.”

“Dina is fucking pregnant Ellie! We have to go back to Jackson and you know it.”

She groaned, irritation growing quickly with the time ticking and opportunities going down the drain. “I don't have time for this.”

“You just said you'd let me die for a fucking boat.” You said breathlessly because there was no way she didn't deny it. You almost refused to believe she didn't take it back.

“You're just going to let her get away with it?” You looked up at Ellie, her expression grim. “She fucking killed Joel.”

“I want her dead as much as you do Ellie but you have to prioritize.” You walked up to her, your cold hands reaching out to grip her arms, hoping that might ground her. “You know I would follow you everywhere you go, to the moon and back, but are you going to put your friends life at risk - shit, your fucking girlfriend’s life at risk for revenge? Think about everyone you've hurt so far. The people we've killed already. If you keep going-”

“I don't care.”

Ellie’s sanity was slipping faster and faster, replaced by the pure fury of revenge. You knew why she wanted, so badly, to avenge Joel's death. You knew, but that didn't mean you could toss aside your morals and you honestly didn't think Ellie would either. The fact was; it was eating her alive and you could tell. Ellie would never put getting to Abby over your life. It was always you and her against the world and before this you thought you'd do anything for her and she was testing those limits. Part of you felt guilty, like you weren't doing enough but Ellie was on a path of fire, burning down everything she touched in her rage and you've never seen that side of her. You've never seen this side of her.

It was kinda hot for a while, watching her kill ruthlessly added fuel to your fire once you and Jesse caught up to them on the second day. Then it dipped into just being attractive to watch her, till she wasn't doing it to protect you anymore. The times where she would get so wrapped up in killing as many WLFs as possible, releasing her anger and paying no mind to where you were, then it started to get concerning. She was losing her purpose and right now proved it.

It was sad to watch honestly. It pained you knowing there was nothing you could say to get her to open her eyes to what she's doing. Nothing. You sighed, looking back at the boat and knowing how many people she’d have to kill to get it and you couldn't do it anymore. The last three WLFs begged for their life as you slit their throat and you watched one of them on their knees, crying, pleading, over and over and over, for Ellie to let them go. And she did it anyway.

You sighed, letting your hands cup her cheeks, hers met your wrists and you both knew what had just happened. Her cold eyes met yours as they melted, tears rimming her big round eyes but not enough to fall. You swallowed down the lump in your throat before you spoke again.

“Okay.” Your voice came out soft, trembling slightly. “I really hope you make it.” On the surface it seemed like you were wishing her well, hoping she was coming back to you alive and safe but you both knew she was losing herself. You hoped Ellie would make it through whatever hell she was bound to be faced with.

But Ellie never came back to you after Seattle. She was never really herself again, no matter how much you two tried to work it out she was just a shell of her former self. But you truly believed she was your soulmate and you'd still do anything for her, so you two tried. You tried so hard to let go of what happened in Seattle but it always felt like the relationship was strained, like a ticking time bomb.

A couple of days after Seattle, after you buried Jesse’s body, you and Ellie finally talked. And maybe it wasn't exactly the right time for a talk since she was too busy harboring all the guilt for the Seattle trip and you were mourning the loss of one of your best friends, survivor's guilt lingering in the shadows of your mind. But you two hadn’t spoken to each other since you got back and the air was always tense when you guys were together. Ellie didn't sleep at your place like she did when Joel died, because that was the only place she could actually get some rest for the first couple nights. Instead she stayed at Dina’s house, nursing her back to health and helping out with the pregnancy. You visited a couple of times but the aura around you two changed, now off-putting and uncomfortable, so you only came when she wasn't there.

Ellie had showed up to your house exactly four days after you guys got back, her face grim and lifeless, all the color drained from her cheeks and you could tell she hadn't been sleeping, not that you had much luck either.

“Me and Dina are leaving Jackson.” She announced to you and all you could do was blink at her.

“Do you want me to come?” You settled on asking, secretly hoping the answer you were anticipating didn't come.

“I think we need some time to ourselves.” She answered slowly like that was going to make the we-are-officially-breaking-up blow any softer. “I just can't think straight here. It's too painful.”

“Painful around me?” You rolled your tongue inside your cheek, avoiding eye contact with her.

“Painful - around everything.”

“Okay.” Your eyes burned from the tears that were threatening to roll down your face but you were tired of crying. You were tired of feeling so awful all the time.

“I love you Y/n.” Ellie started and you glanced to the floor, sniffing hard and biting down on the inside of your lip because for whatever reason that made it feel like you still had control of something. “Yeah,” The word fell from your lips and you swore they weren't even yours. “I know.” Your voice shaky as you finally made eye contact with her red rimmed ones. She wasn't crying so you swallowed back your tears, blinking them away.

“I hope you find what you're looking for Ellie.” Was the last thing you said to her and you thought maybe it's for the best. Maybe you were wrong and she wasn't your soulmate. Maybe she was just put in your life to teach you what love really was and if that was the case she did her job, and she did it extremely well.

Because you loved her so much you almost hated her.

So maybe that's why you felt so confused when you saw her again. Maybe that's why your thoughts were a whirlpool of emotions that left you feeling everything all at once, after not having to put much thought into everything else, helping people, doing what Maria asked of you, dating the most bland woman on planet earth. It was all easy, so simple you didn't have to think anymore. Ellie coming back into your life made you think. It made all of those wonderful, exhilarating moments where you felt the most alive you've ever felt rush back into your mind. But right now you didn't want to think. You wanted to know.

“Did you ever find it?” You asked, seemingly to the open air around you as your fingers grazed the cold concrete of the grave labeled ‘Joel Miller’.

“Yeah.” Ellie's voice called back and you turned around to finally meet her pained eyes again. She truly had the most mesmerizing face you've ever seen, even when it's twisted so joylessly.

“Was it worth it? Are you happy?” The questions came rushing out your mouth like a broken dam, releasing all the blood from the open wounds she left.

“No.” She stepped closer, “I should of never left you Y/n, I'm sorry. I just couldn't do it, I couldn't face you after Seattle.” You chewed on the inside of your cheek as you pondered if you really wanted to ask your next question.

“Do you still love me?” You couldn't look at her. You couldn't look at the face of who you longed for, for years, and ask if they loved you because you really couldn't tell if you wanted to know that answer. You didn't know how you'd react if she said no. Truthfully, you knew fully how much it would shatter your soul but the question was already in the air and the seconds that passed felt like hours before she responded.

“There wasn't a day that passed that I didn't think of you. I love you so much, you can't even understand.” Ellie spoke and her voice faltered a bit.

“You know what's crazy? I would toss everything I've built, the things I love, to be by your side again.” This time tears really did start running down your cheeks and you remembered, strangely enough, how warm they are. How warm tears hold enough comfort to make you unravel, feeling bare and vulnerable by a simple stream of water on your cheek.

“You shouldn't do that. I shouldn't of come here. You have a life. It was selfish of me to-”

“But I want to. I want to leave with you. I would want nothing more than to leave with you right here, right now Ellie.” You spoke but emotions are such a strange thing, your tears started rolling faster, so fast you had to take a second to catch your breath. “I spent so much time trying to forget about you, get your face outta’ my head, stop having those stupid words repeat over and over. And for some reason as soon as I saw you again it was like my body just knew.”

Ellie’s warm, familiar hand rested on your shoulder and you turned back to her, letting your body step close. Her arms wrapped around you, like they always do, and you melted in her hold, like you always do. She sniffed against you and you thought about how this world is cruel and unfair but you would run around it twice to just stay here in Ellie’s arms.

“Where are you planning on going?” Your voice was muffled into her shoulder.

“I don't know. Anywhere but here.” She let out a tight, airy laugh.

“So we're just gonna roam the earth together?”

“I don't really care where we go as long as you're with me.”

“Did Santa Barbara make you more sappy or something?” You laughed, leaning away from her to see her pink flushed cheeks which only made you laugh even more. You'd think after you travel all this way to see your lover again you wouldn't get flustered so easily but that was Ellie. It's always been Ellie.

“Oh come on, it's been like two years since I've seen you!” Her smooth, soft laughter filled the air along with yours. “So uh, what about Lana?”

“I doubt she'd even noticed I ran off with you.” Your stomach twisted thinking about the aftermath of the reckless stunt you were about to pull with Ellie but at this point you didn't even care.

“Really? She seems a little - uh-,”

“Strict? Boring? Stickler for the rules?” You cheesed, already knowing Ellie’s thoughts, not that it was that hard to figure out.

“How did you even end up with her?” She chuckled, letting her arms fall from your back as she turned back to the graveyard.

“I dunno, a distraction maybe? She’s got nothing on you though.”

“Well I could of told you that.”

“So what stopped you? In Santa Barbara, I mean. With Abby.” You asked and she sighed, visibly slouching as she looked over Joel's grave again.

“I thought if I killed her I could finally forgive myself. I mean- she was hanging on a fucking pillar and I was still thinking about how if I do this, I can finally come back to Jackson, finally sleep, or talk about Joel again. Or get to see you.” A soft, nostalgic smile rested on her lips before she frowned again. “I dunno’. Back in Seattle you looked at me, like you didn't even recognize me and on the beach I thought about Joel. He used to tell me,” She started waving her hands around. “Things happen and we move on.’ and I would think about how stupid that was.”

You wanted to make a comment about how impulsive she was for not listening to the wise old man's words, or how you wanted to murder Tommy when you were told he went to tell Ellie where Abby was, but you sat quietly instead, nodding your head to encourage her to keep talking. “But he was right. Things happen and we move on because if you don't, you'll never recognize yourself again. Would of been nice for him to add that part on, maybe I would of listened.” She scoffed.

“No you wouldn't.” You smiled, a short chuckle falling from your lips.

“I said maybe.” Her smile reflected yours.

“You still haven't learned your lesson of wearing canvas sneakers in the snow.’

“It happened like, twice.”

“El, it happened like five times. I know because I was a little impressed your toes didn't have frostbite. “

“Well, be prepared to be even more impressed because I lost my boots a while ago.”

“Oh my god. We are finding you another pair.”

“I think I've been doing pretty well so far.”

“What is wrong with you?” Your cheeks hurt from how hard you were smiling and you watched, under the soft light of the lamp post, Ellie’s unforgettable dimple pop out for the first time in forever.

You honestly couldn't understand love. You couldn't understand how someone could be so perfect for you in all the right ways and still leave them because of the small things. You couldn't understand how for some reason, some strange, bizarre, stupid reason it was all worth it. Everything you and Ellie went through, the aftermath, the experiences, the tears, the adrenaline rush, the fall, the arguments, the makeups, the makeouts, it all had this way of twisting the dark, cruel world around you and turning it into the most beautiful, breathtaking place. Because that's what love did. It confused you. It made you think. It changed you, in ways you couldn't imagine.

And there was a girl feeling the same exact way you were, although she would never say it but you knew her like the back of your hand. Which was weird because humans are supposed to be unpredictable, but for whatever reason you always knew Ellie. You always understood her. You always wanted to stay by her side.

“Promise to stay by my side?” Your hand met hers, fingers curling in between hers and she smiled back at you.

“Always.” Her other hand reached for your cheek as she placed a quick, sweet kiss to your forehead because she knew you always loved those.

“I’ll never leave you again.”

I hope you guys enjoyed this as much as i did, truly one of my favorites lol. Also i feel like Ellie really isn't one of much words, hence why she journals all the time so with that being said i didn't know how much she would really say about her thought process in SB???? Bc i could fully go into a essay about that chapter but i doubt she would actually tell ppl about it? Idk just an observation. Sorry theres no smut in this one, kinda wasn't the right time lol but im working on a couple :))

#ellie williams x reader #ellie tlou #ellie williams #ellie tlou2 #the last of us #the last of us x reader #tlou #tlou2 #tlou fanfic

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winter-soldier-vibes · 3 years ago

Note

Hey darling ❤️ love your writing 3000 :) can u do one with Bucky x reader (they’re together) where he overhears the reader on the phone with her parents that are emotionally & verbally abusive towards her (they always have been) and the reader has to explain it all to him afterwards even tho she’s having a panic attack (bc she’s afraid bucky will leave her since she has no one else to go to ??) and bucky comforts her and reassures her that he’s gonna be there for her and like comfort fluff? I live in an emotionally abusive and manipulative household rn and I tell you your fics are like an escape for me. Even if u don’t do this thank you from the bottom of my heart :)

Hey there, I love you 3000 ❤ I am so so sorry to hear about your situation, and while I'm glad to hear that my writing is an escape for you, I want you to know that I'm here for you. No one should have to go through what you described. I hope that this can bring you some comfort but please, I encourage you to reach out to someone who can help you. My DM's are open as well, you shouldn't face this alone. I'm here for you!!!

You owe them nothing

Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 3200 (ish)

Warnings: emotional abuse/gaslighting, manipulation, parent issues, tears, angst, breakdown, fluff.

---------

You really tried to keep it hidden. It wasn’t something that everyone needed to know about.

Your parents loved you, at least that’s what they had said. But it was one of those things where you felt like it was for show - the kindness that they showed when you were around others faded away once you were alone with them.

You remember once they had said “of course I love you, I’m your parent!”

But that made you wonder how they would treat you if you weren’t theirs.

They were horrible to you for as long as you could remember. Gaslighting you and making you feel like you owed them something even though they were the ones who should have taken care of you.

They were around but never…there. They would be there for family dinners but they were always riddled with criticisms of grades and who you were talking to and how you dressed. All of your hobbies were seen as a waste of time, something you should only do when you had nothing else to do. School came first, naturally, but there was always something they told you you had to do before you could do anything for yourself.

Yet when you would complain about being depressed, they told you to get a hobby because you never do anything.

Tired meant lazy, energetic and passionate meant loud and annoying. When you were quiet they thought you had nothing to say, yet when you expressed your opinions you were told to shut up.

You couldn’t win.

You could never make them happy, there was always something you were doing wrong.

They thought it was their right to monitor who you talked to and saw, what you did outside of school, what sports you could join. When you would say no to the school dances or parties you would make up an excuse about not wanting to go or having work to do. Your friends would call you a buzz kill. Little did they know you would give anything to go.

Whenever you would do something wrong (or anything, period,), your parents would yell at you. They would curse you out, make you cry, only to yell at you for crying like a little bitch.

The older you got, the worse it was.

You thought when you moved out it would be better. But you had all these years of being told you were worthless and having them be your providers. When you got your own place you didn’t really have any friends, nor did you really know how to make friends. You had a job to help you get by, you could support yourself. That wasn’t the issue. You could support yourself, you always had to.

It was that you were so lonely.

You wanted friends but you were so afraid of the criticism you would get. You were afraid to make yourself known, because you were always taught that being told what to do and taught what to think was much more appealing than having your opinion.

But this was an opinionated world.

You were good at what you did, so good that you had gotten a job at S.H.I.E.L.D. You thought that would make you happy, more importantly that it would make your parents happy, but no such luck.

“I got a really great job, guys.”

“Fantastic. I guess you’re just doing so great without us,” they had snapped.

“What? I mean… this is what you wanted right? For me to get a good job?” you had said, confused.

You heard a loud sigh on the other end of the line. “Of course we do, what are you crazy about? Of course we wanted you to get a good job but you just deserted us like we were trash. Have we done nothing for you?”

You felt your heart sink in your stomach. ‘Of course you guys have, I love -”

“Don’t say what you don’t mean. If you really cared about us you’d be helping us out. You got a great job and probably have a huge paycheck that you hoard and you left us here to struggle to make ends meet.”

You took the phone away from your face temporarily to take a shaky breath. Of course they would go there with the salary, why wouldn’t they? All of your paychecks had gone to them, since it was their house and they were feeding you, leaving you with barely enough money for your car and gas and phone bills, only for them to suggest longer hours when you complained.

“I can help you guys out if you need,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady.

You heard an exasperated sigh on the other line again. “You really should be more grateful, you know? We raised you your entire life and then you leave us alone? You never even call us? You’re so fucking selfish.”

Then the line went dead.

You shook your head and felt tears in your eyes as you spoke to yourself. “Well maybe I would call you if it didn’t always yell at me.”

Of course, you would never say that.

See, it wasn’t so bad. You never said anything because they were only ever mean to you, which would make you uncomfortable. There were people out there that would get hit or who would have to raise themselves from a young age. Once you grew thick skin it wasn’t so bad, you were just being dramatic.

Right?

Your new job was fairly successful, you were fantastic at what you did. You did a lot of behind the scenes work, weapon repair and plans of action with missions. Not that they needed much help with that. Still, they took you in as their friends.

Well, as close as you would let them get to as friends.

It took a while before you warmed up to them. Everyone tended to keep to themselves, but not as much as you. You kept the parts of you hidden away - you were there for a job, you did it, and you did it well. You knew how to do your job but interacting with the team, making friends - you didn’t want to get emotionally attached.

Not like you knew how to make friends to begin with.

Naturally you were drawn to the quieter side of the team, once you were able to open up. They were all nice but sometimes the parties and the jokes were a bit much. You just didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing that would make you the punchline.

No one needed to know about you, or how you would spend your free time being yelled at through a phone with you trying to make it better. That wasn’t part of the job, so you shouldn’t bring it up.

It wasn’t like anyone would want to help. You were just a nuisance to everyone around you.

Right?

No one talked about their life before the team much. Not many people on the team had a great life before the Avengers first came together. Natasha or Wanda had once spoken about how this team was a family. And as much as you wanted to believe it, you helped the team. You weren’t a part of the team. So even if that were true, it didn’t include you.

At least, that was your point of view.

The team viewed you as a part of the team as much as any of them. You didn’t fight with them but you made sure everything would go as smoothly. You were kind and great at what you did, but they wished you would open up more. Of course, being a team of people who had trouble opening up, they understood.

Bucky was one of the ones who took a liking to you, mostly because he saw a lot of himself in you. He could tell there was something that you were trying to get past but weren’t quite able to yet. That there was something bothering but you wouldn’t dare say it for fear of bothering someone. You threw yourself into projects and distractions and from the way you carried yourself, he guessed you were avoiding something that you weren’t ready to work through. At least, not yet.

He knew that feeling too well.

The ex-assassin was one of the easiest for you to open up to because he didn’t expect much from interactions. Both of you were quiet and kept to yourselves that there wasn’t much pressure to share anything or say anything. You knew his past but would never bring it up unless he wanted to. Which eventually, he did. You could tell he felt pressure to be who he was before HYDRA took him, and while Steve was surprised he opened up to you first, you weren’t. Steve knew Bucky before everything, and you didn’t have that bias. He was whoever he was today regardless of who he was yesterday.

And Bucky found comfort in that.

You think you would’ve too, if you thought you deserved it enough to do the same.

See, you were worried that you were making everything worse than it really was. You worried that maybe you were being too sensitive or that what you had grown up with was normal. With everything that everyone on the team went through, a few insults from your parents was hardly anything. You were being dramatic.

There was nothing to be sad or angry about. You just had to get over yourself.

Right?

You were getting by until one night when your parents called, as they did on occasion. You were in the middle of working, so you ignored it. The phone went to voicemail before it started ringing again, and you ignored it, again. The third time you sighed and picked up your phone, turning away from your work.

You took a deep breath before you answered. “Hello?”

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

You closed your eyes and brought a hand to rub your head. “Well I’m doing fine, thank you, how are you?”

“Don’t give me that attitude. What the fuck are you doing? You’ve been ignoring our calls.”

You stood up to pace the floor slightly, dreading the conversation that was coming. Is it the ‘family is most important’ or the ‘where’s my money?’ speech today? “I’ve been working.”

“What, so work is more important than family now? Is that what this is? You don’t care about us?”

Family speech it is.

“Dad -”

“What if one of us was dying? Huh? Would that be important?”

“Stop it. No one is dying, and I was working. And I have more work to do, so I really have to go.”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do, I’m your father.”

Gaining confidence you gritted your teeth and snapped, “You know what? I’m an adult now so you can’t tell me what to do.”

There was silence on the other end of the line and you could practically hear the steam coming out of your father’s ears.

At some point Bucky had come down to your working space to check on you, seeing as it was nearly morning. He stopped in the doorway, and seeing you were busy on the phone he thought he would stop by later to give you some privacy. But he stopped when he heard you snap.

You never snap.

“Who do you think you’re talking to you ungrateful little bitch?”

“I’m talking to the people who treated me like shit my entire life and ask me for money when you wouldn’t give me the time of day for 18 fucking years.”

Even you couldn’t believe the words coming out of your mouth. But god did it feel good to say them.

“Are you fucking serious right now? We did nothing for you? What do you think we’ve been doing your whole life? We’ve done everything we did to help you be the best person you could be. You have that job now because of us and you have no right to speak to me that way.”

You chuckled darkly as you looked up at the ceiling, unaware of Bucky’s presence behind you. “My entire life all I’ve ever wanted to do was make you guys proud of me. But you know what? I’m fucking done. You hated me, gaslighted me, and made me hate myself almost as much if not more than you seemed to hate me.”

“I did no such thing you ungrateful -”

“You were supposed to love me and care for me, and all you did was take advantage of me. I’m not your child, I’m a paycheck. I don’t owe you anything because you gave me nothing. So you know what? FUCK. YOU.”

You hung up the phone and tossed it across the room, adrenaline taking over your body as you tried to stop shaking. Because a small part of you felt bad.

But fuck did that feel amazing.

You heard a throat clear behind you and you turned around to see Bucky, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“You okay?”

You nodded nervously, rubbing the sides of your arms. “Yeah, I’m fine,” you said, unconvincingly. “How much, uh...how much did you -

“Enough,” he said, pushing himself off of the door frame as he crossed over to you. “Who was that?”

“Bucky, don’t, it’s really fine. I just got a little worked up.”

“Y/n,” he started, looking at you with concern. “Who were you talking to?”

“No one.”

“You don’t get upset like that at no one,” he took your hands in his. “Y/n, you're shaking.”

It was then that you realized your hands were still shaking, trying to keep the anxiety of what happened at bay.

It’s going to be so much worse now.

I can never talk to them again.

Is that a good thing? Didn’t I want that?

Bucky could sense you getting lost in your head. “Sweetheart, tell me what happened, please. I want to help you.”

You pulled your hands away from his and crossed your arms. “You can’t help me because there’s nothing wrong, okay? I handled it, it’s over. Done. nothing to worry about.”

“Y/n -”

“No really, there’s nothing you can do, okay?”

“Will you at least let me try?”

You looked at him, adrenaline starting to drain from your system. This was Bucky, your Bucky, who had never done anything but love and support you. He had never done anything to hurt you.

But what if he left you too?

You took in a sharp breath and curled in on yourself, a scared look on your face. Bucky crossed back over to you, seeing a scared look on your face.

“Hey, hey, y/n? Can you look at me?”

You brought your eyes up to meet his, feeling your chest constricting as you tried to keep your breathing even. It wasn’t working.

“I - I’m sorry, you shouldn’t… I’m fine really I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”

“Hey, it’s alright, it’s okay, you have nothing to apologize for,” he pulled you in for a hug and kissed the top of your head. “Let’s go sit down, okay?’

He led you over to your bed and you leaned forward, hands on your knees and head in your hands. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s happening, this - I’m sorry, it’s so stupid, I’m so stupid.”

Bucky rubbed a hand up and down your back, hushing you. “It’s not stupid. If it’s bothering you, it’s not stupid.” Bucky took a small breath. “Do you remember all of those times after nightmares and all those panic attacks you would walk me through? How I thought I was being stupid?”

“You weren’t being stupid”

“And neither are you.”

You took some more shaky breaths as tears kept falling down your face. “You’re okay. It’s alright, I’m right here.”

Bucky let you calm down, knowing you would talk about it if you wanted to. He wanted you to talk about it so he could help you (and hurt whoever upset you) but he wouldn’t force you into telling him anything you didn’t want to.

The two of you sat in the silence, Bucky looking at you with soft eyes as you kept your face hidden.

“I haven’t told you a goddamn thing about me. You ever wonder why?”

You looked over at Bucky, eyebrows creased with slight confusion.

“They said blood was supposed to be thicker than water. That family comes first, right? I spent my whole life listening to them and following them and being the perfect kid. I made myself into everything they wanted me to be. And it still wasn’t enough for them.”

Bucky tilted his head slightly. He hadn’t known his parents much before they died but he had always wanted to have more time. But he wasn’t oblivious to the fact that not everyone had good parents.

“You know, I remember thinking that once I made it they would be happy. That if I worked hard enough or went onto do great things that they would be proud of me. That’s all I ever wanted, you know?” you said, voice wavering as you let out a bitter laugh. “But it’s not, you know? Never is, never was, never will be. All they do is take and take and no matter how good I am they’re always gonna hate me because I can’t be perfect.”

“No one’s perfect, y/n.”

“Well that’s what they want me to be. I know I can’t be perfect so I know they’ll never be happy. That they’ll call me ungrateful and selfish for succeeding and for leaving them when they never wanted me to be there to begin with.” You felt tears spill over as you wiped them away. “And I’m ust so fucking done with being a disappointment to them and to everyone else.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“I don’t know,” you said softly, not really wanting to be more vulnerable.

Bucky, sensing this was a time he could push you, challenged you. “I think you do.”

You shook your head. “I didn’t want anyone to see me the way they did. I thought what they said wasn’t true but...I just thought that maybe I was overreacting. Other people have it worse you know - some people have no parents or some have it so much worse. Mine just yell at me you know? Tell me everything’s my fault and that they wish they’d never had me. That I’m ungrateful for not being with them and that I owe them. I just...I heard that for the first 18 years of my life. I didn’t need any more of it.”

“y/n, that’s…” he swallowed, trying to contain his anger. “That’s not normal. No one should have to go through that. You can’t possibly think you're a bad person.”

Your shrug was enough to tell him that you did.

“Y/n, I don’t know who your parents think they are but you don’t owe them a damn thing. You may be related to them but you have no obligation to love your parents if they treat you like that. You have every right to be angry or to hate them. It doesn’t make you a bad person to be angry with someone who hurt you.”

“But they’re my family.”

“Well they didn’t treat you like it. You have us now, you don’t need them anymore. We’re your family. And we’re not gonna leave you.”

“They didn’t leave me Bucky, I left them.”

“You can’t leave someone who was never there for you.”

----------

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alloftheimaginesblog · 4 years ago

Text

Life Without Colour (PART FIVE)

Soulmate AU: Your vision is in black and white until you meet your soulmate. You and your boyfriend, Steve Rogers, aren’t each others soulmates but you love each other. He introduces you to his friends, the Avengers, and a very odd thing happens.

Characters: Steve Rogers x Plus Size Female Reader, Bucky Barnes x Plus Size Female Reader

Note: ignore that i don’t even question bucky being able to get through security at the airport, i couldn’t think of how he would be able to get through the airport security bc of his metal arm so i’ve skipped that detail completely. i hope it doesn’t detract from the story!

this is nearly 6000 words!

Taglist: @domainoflostsouls forgetthisbull handon-h-art yourspecialcrush giulsgotmusic mrsbarnes-rogers luosymekawa linzeyzarcone forgetthisbull calamityreads talgra marina-darling btsforlif lamoursansfin classic1985 lovesicksofi fandomsfallnomore thebivirgin classygladiatorcupcake

PART ONE

PART TWO

PART THREE

PART FOUR

PART FIVE

PART SIX

Seconds turned to minutes and minutes turned to hours. You had long since stopped trying to figure out what state you were in and where you were headed. Bucky had been driving non-stop aside from two bathroom breaks at a small gas station in the middle of nowhere. You had stopped crying a long time ago, too drained and too tired to continue. You felt horrendous. You hated this, you absolutely hated this but you had no choice in the matter. The car had been silent for the whole way aside from the quiet chatter on the radio. Bucky hadn’t wanted to speak in fear of upsetting you further. He had been driving you out of state to go to an airport that would be a little harder to find. It had been Fury’s idea, to go to an airport that Hydra wouldn’t look for straight away. It gave you a little more time to get away without being watched.

You took a break from watching the blur of trees and roads to glance at the clock on the dashboard; 13:42. You hadn’t eaten yet, barely had anything to drink either and you knew that you weren’t far away from a dehydration migraine. As if on cue, your stomach rumbled loudly. Bucky, without speaking, reached behind his car seat and produced a rucksack and dumped it on your lap with a, “Here. There’s water and some snacks in there. We’ll get a proper meal when we’re at the airport.”

You dug through the bag, producing two bottles of water. You opened one and offered it to Bucky, he accepted with a nod, draining half before handing it back to you. You offered him a muffin but he shook his head. You dropped the bag to between your feet and began to have your water and muffin. It helped curb the hunger, at least for a while, and you felt a lot better once you had something in your stomach. After a while, you sank back into your seat with a yawn.

Bucky glanced over at you, “We’ve still got a few hours to drive, you can sleep if you want.” You looked at him and he gave you a small smile, “It’s okay. I’ll wake you up when we’re there.”

You thanked him quietly before closing your eyes. It didn’t take long before you fell asleep and your soft snores filled the car. Bucky looked at you for a couple of seconds, smiling to himself. Man, it’s gonna be a long few weeks.

It only felt like you’d closed your eyes for a few minutes when Bucky was saying your name, gently shaking your shoulder. Groggily, you opened your eyes to meet his blue eyes and it almost gave you a fright seeing them. Sometimes it still surprised you to see colour and especially when Bucky was around... colour seemed to be brighter and those deeper blue eyes seemed so bright in person.

“We’re here,” he said, pulling back quickly, not wanting to upset you by being too close. Bucky was very careful of boundaries, he always had been but especially after the Winter Soldier incidents. He knew what it felt like to not want to be touched or have your personal space invaded so he was always careful to not overstep.

“You’ve got the fake passports and stuff, don’t you?” You asked him, yawning and stretching in your seat.

He nodded and told you that they’re in his bag. In order to help the process of becoming anonymous, Fury had fake IDs and fake passports made for the two of you. They’d even gone so far as to create two new backstories for the pair of you just in case anyone ever questioned the pair of you. You and Bucky got out of the car, your legs ached from having sat in the car for hours upon hours. It was dark outside now, you didn’t know the time. Bucky grabbed the bags out of the car and handed you the two passports to hold. As you walked into the airport, you flicked to it. Miss Jane Smith and Mr John Smith. Two very common and obvious fake names but you hoped that it wouldn’t be picked up.

The check in process was much easier than you anticipated, the passports passed the ID checks and soon, the two of you were through security and heading for the food outlet. Bucky had told you to keep your head down for most of the time and to avoid direct eye contact with cameras. The airport was relatively quiet which was good in the sense you didn’t have to worry about people around you noticing Bucky. Bucky led you to a small café which was quiet and the two of you sat at the back. Everything was kind of passing in a blur and it only seemed like a few seconds until Bucky was back with your food.

You began to eat in silence and it was then you realised where you were going, “Estonia?” You asked quietly, making sure to not be overhead.

Bucky nodded as he took a bite of his burger, “Managed to find a secluded house, already furnished. The owner agreed to let us stay for a discounted price as well.”

“I’ve never been,” you shrugged, taking a bite of your food, “Where are we right now?”

“Pittsburg,” he said, glancing around the café to make sure no one was taking notice of the pair of you, “Steve thought it would be a good idea to leave from an airport a few hours away from New York. Hydra and Rumlow would check New York airports first once they realise you’re out of town.”

You smiled sadly as you looked down to your food. Leave it to Steve to think of everything. Bucky told you that the flight would be leaving in an hour and it would be a long ass flight but it was okay because you were exhausted and you could absolutely sleep for a good portion of the flight anyway.

You sighed, “When can I take this stupid disguise off? I’m so uncomfortable!”

Bucky studied you carefully, “When we’re in the safe house.”

“Do I look stupid? I feel stupid.”

“You look... different. Not bad just different,” he paused before speaking again, “I prefer you as you are though, without the wig, contacts and flashy clothes. I think you look much better when you’re being yourself.”

You didn’t know how to respond to that with anything other than a nod. It felt foreign and wrong to receive a compliment from him, even though it was a genuine, friendly compliment, it felt wrong. The two of you didn’t say much after that.

After eating, you and Bucky went to get some plane snacks. You grabbed some water and some treats, you also wandered to the book section and picked up a book. As you were walking to the books, you saw a little boy and girl pass wearing matching Captain America t-shirts. Your breath caught in your throat as you watched them pass. It seemed to hit you in that moment that this was real and this was truly happening.

“(y/n)?” Bucky asked appearing behind you.

You turned to him, “Sorry... I just can’t believe this is happening.”

Bucky nodded before gesturing to the check out, “Let’s get this all checked out and then hopefully we’ll be able to go to our departure gate.” He didn’t really know how to help you without overstepping or potentially upsetting you. He didn’t want you to get upset in public so he thought that he could keep you distracted and that would help ease your worries. It helped, having him there to guide you and distract you from possible sad thoughts helped a lot actually.

You found your airplane seats quick, the two of you were bang smack in the middle and you were both in a two seater section. Bucky let you go in first, saying that he preferred not to look out of the window when taking a flight. You sunk into it, keeping your head down and wrapping your arms around yourself to get warmer. As Bucky sat beside you, tapping his foot and his hand on the armrest impatiently, you looked at him curiously, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said, “Just... not a big fan of flying.”

You pulled out the magazines which were in the pocket of the chair in front of you and handed him them, “I find that reading the safety procedures always helps. Also reading the magazine where you can just check out the meal deals and the perfume deals help a bit.”

Bucky took them off of you and began to flick through them. In the meantime, you closed your eyes. As the plane began to move, Bucky tensed beside you and you opened your eyes to look at him, his hands were clenched around the arms of the chair, jaw clenched too.

“Hey, show me that,” you said, sitting up straighter and pointing to the magazine. He looked at you and then handed it to you. Bucky had been helping you out by distracting you from being sad, the least you could do is distract him from being anxious. You leaned over, probably a little closer than you would’ve felt comfortable with in normal circumstances. Bucky stiffened as he smelled your perfume when you came closer. You took no notice of the closeness.

“Look at that!” You said, pointing to the menu that they were offering that night on the flight, “What would you have?” Bucky shrugged and you rolled your eyes, “C’mon. I’d have the chicken curry and the cheese and ham panini and then I would absolutely have the tiramisu afterwards. What about you?” You held it closer to him for him to study.

“Uh... I mean, I suppose the lasagne sounds nice. The breaded mushrooms too, I like those. Never had tiramisu but it sounds nice enough so I’d give that a go too.”

“No way,” you said shaking your head, “I would order the tiramisu and you would order the chocolate and raspberry mousse and we’d share them both.”

Bucky snorted slightly, “Sure thing, whatever you want.”

You flicked through more of the pages, “Ooooh,” you said noticing the deals on the perfumes, “I love airplane and airport deals. I only ever buy my perfume from duty free, honestly. No point in buying it full price anywhere else.”

“I still find it crazy that there’s a shop on an airplane.”

You nodded, “I mean, it’s pretty weird but I’m not complaining about the deals. Some of the stuff you can buy is so bizarre though. I was on this flight once, going on holiday with my family when I was younger, and they were selling t-shirts with a picture of the airplane we were in on them saying ‘I rode in this plane and all I got was this lousy t-shirt’.”

“That sounds like it’s a total dad shirt,” Bucky laughed slightly. He looked a lot younger when he smiled. He was always so stony and serious but when he smiled or laughed, it knocked years off him. He was already a handsome man but when he smiled, he was just... wow.

You burst out laughing as he said it, “My dad did buy it and he wore it so proudly!”

Bucky laughed with you, finding his nerves easing up as he spoke to you. He hadn’t had a chance to talk to you about anything other than the fact you were soulmates so it felt rather nice to talk to you on another level. It was still prettty strange but it was nice. Steve always told him that you were easy to get along with so he wasn’t too surprised. As you continued to chat, you gasped audibly when you came to the ‘collectibles and merchandise’ page, “There it is!”

“No way!” Bucky grinned as he looked down at the picture of the t-shirt exactly like the one you described, “Oh, god, it’s hideous.” The two of you lapsed into laughter again, talking and looking at it before Bucky happened to glance out of the window, “We’re in the air?”

You looked out, “Yeah, we took off about fifteen minutes ago actually.” Bucky breathed out an impressed laughter, “My distraction technique always works. Keep the mind occupied on something else like the ugliest t-shirts in the world.”

Bucky smiled, “Thank you and thanks to the ugliest t-shirt ever-” it was then that a man wearing the exact t-shirt you had been slating got up from the seat in front of you and shot you a dirty look as he walked past, “Oh, shit.” It was hard to keep your laughter in but somehow you both managed it.

As you calmed down, Bucky sighed, “No, really, thank you for that.”

You smiled as you handed him the magazines back and sunk back into your seat, “And now, I sleep.”

When you woke up a few hours later, you found yourself to be sitting alone with no Bucky Barnes in sight. You looked up to see a flight attendant coming down the aisle, “Excuse me,” you said with a smile, “do you know where the man sitting next to me went?”

She smiled, the same warm smile that every flight attendant has, “Yes, your husband is in the queue for the toilet, he should be back in a few minutes.”

You nodded, she went to leave when you caught her again, “Sorry, can you do me a favour?”

When Bucky came back, he was pleasantly surprised to see you sitting awake, smiling at him, “Good sleep?” You nodded, “Don’t worry, you didn’t snore... too loud.”

Your cheeks burned as he teased you, “Shove it, Barnes,” you scoffed, “I bought us a present.”

He frowned, “A present?”

You grinned as you held up two t-shirts, the exact same one that you both said was the ugliest shirt in the world, “No way!” He laughed, clapping his gloved hands together, “Oh my god, they’re worse in person.”

You laughed as you handed him his, “You’re so welcome. I will make us wear these at some point by the way, don’t think you’re getting out of it.” You’d never seen Bucky smile so wide with pure joy radiating from him. It was nice to see; it made you feel a lot better about the situation that was happening. You and Bucky hadn’t broached the subject of being the other’s soulmates, you actually really didn’t want to have that conversation anytime soon, but it was nice to know that at least you got on a little bit.

The fact that the pair of you were laughing so soon felt wrong. It felt like you were betraying Steve for merely getting along but it was nice. You were scared of what was going to happen and Bucky had been anxious about flying so the pair of you had nothing to do but talk to each other. Sure, it wasn’t a particularly interesting conversation but it was something. It was still a little awkward and a little weird at times but you could look past that for a few minutes to just appreciate the fact that Bucky was doing this.

Soon, you were curled back into your plane seat, your own jacket draped across you, “Thanks,” you said quietly as sleep began to take over, “for doing this for Steve. I know that it’s not ideal and I know you probably don’t want to be stuck with me for weeks. I appreciate it, Bucky.”

Bucky nodded and didn’t say anything. I’m not doing it for only Steve, I’m doing it for you too. He watched you for a moment longer before closing his own eyes and resting into his own seat.

The rest of the flight went by in a blur, you slept some more, read your book and ate some food. It wasn’t long before it was time to land and Bucky could not have been more happy than in the moment the wheels of the plane landed on the runway. The airport was a relatively quiet which meant that security and getting your bags was a lot faster than anticipated.

Soon, you were waiting with Bucky in line to get a rental car. To your surprise, when it was your turn to speak to the receptionist, Bucky slid a wad of cash over the counter, “I want a car to keep and I want it off book.”

The receptionist, who was a middle aged man with salt and pepper hair, eyed Bucky with narrow eyes and Bucky stared right back at him. You glanced between the two men wondering who would give up the staring contest first. After a pregnant pause, the receptionist shrugged and dug around in the drawer next to him before pulling out a car key, “Grey sedan in Lot C, registration plate ends with RUS. It’s old and a little worse for wear but for this price, best I can do.” He glanced from left to right before sliding the keys across the table. Apparently he seemed to accept the bribe. You raised your eyebrows, looking between the man and Bucky.

Bucky thanked him with a nod before taking the keys and picked up his and one of your bags before walking away with you in tow, “Wait,” you said quietly, rushing to keep up with him, “You just bought a car?!”

Bucky nodded, “We needed a car. This one will do for a while, keeps us off of the radar for a while.”

Finding the car was easy, the hard part was trying to keep up with Bucky. He took long, quick strides that were hard to keep up with. The car was parked alone in Lot C. It was a little old, with some dents and scratches in the doors from previous bumps and accidents and some of the paint had chipped but aside from that, it seemed to be fine. Bucky loaded the bags in the trunk before getting into the driver’s seat. You settled into your seat and Bucky said that it would be a forty minute drive but could do it in half the time if the road’s were quiet. Then, you both set off.

You couldn’t stop staring out of the window, looking at every single detail of Estonia. It seemed like a dream that you’d be waking up from any second now. Your hands fidgeted with your jacket sleeves as you stared out to the vast unknown. What would become of you and your relationship, you had no idea. You didn’t know what was going to happen and you had absolutely no clue where you would be going. A wave of uneasiness crashed over you as you tried to swallow down the nausea.

The drive seemed to simultaneously be the longest and shortest drive ever. Seconds felt like years and minutes felt like nanoseconds. You just wanted things to go back to how they were two months ago when things were easy and simple and life was without colour. You glanced over at Bucky, wishing that it had been anyone besides him that was your soulmate. Bucky was a decent enough guy from the short time you’d been with him, I mean, he was willing to take you to a safe house for god knows how long after meeting each other less than three times so obviously he was a good guy but... even if you and Bucky ended up friends, ended up falling in love... nothing could ever happen. You just couldn’t do that to Steve.

Oh, Steve.

You wondered what he would be doing just now. He would probably be in the gym with Sam, boxing his feelings and emotions about the whole situation out. That’s what he usually did when things were tense or when he was stressed, he would go to the gym and work out for hours. Sam would usually go with him, being his comic relief to make things less stressful for him. You had never been so thankful for Sam Wilson than in that moment of realisation. You had been so focused on what this meant for you and how this would affect you that you’d practically overlooked your boyfriend’s feelings.

Steve would be blaming your kidnapping on himself, even though it wasn’t his fault that Hydra were dickheads. He would be devastated that he’d had to send you off with your soulmate, knowing fine well that you could easily come back home in love with Bucky. It had been so hard for Steve to make that decision but it had to be done. He wished that he could’ve came with you but it was his mess to clean up and he couldn’t just let his friends do it. He wasn’t that selfish even though he wished he could have been. Steve would rely on Sam pretty heavily over the coming weeks. Sam had been such a good friend to Steve in the few years they’d known each other. Sam understood Steve, they shared the same values and same morals and that was something you liked about Sam. Sam wasn’t afraid to stand up and fight for what was right. You knew that Steve would be in good hands with Sam at his side.

Little did you know, Bucky was thinking of Steve Rogers too as he drove. It was surreal that he was driving with you, through Estonia, to a safe house where you’d be for weeks, potentially months. It scared Bucky, honestly. He liked you, not in a romantic way (yet), but he had heard all about you from Steve. All of those months that Bucky was in Wakanda, Steve called every week to check on him. Every week, Steve would talk about you. He remembered the things he would say about you. ‘She’s great, Buck. She’s got this smile, this really wide smile that I’ve only seen a handful of people have in my life. You know the one I mean. That genuinely happy, makes you smile when you see it smile.’, ‘You gotta meet her, Bucky. She’s everything I’ve been looking for and even though we’re not soulmates, we are.’, ‘It’s crazy. After Peggy, I never thought I’d fall in love again but (y/n) came into my life when I needed her most. Every day, I wake up thankful for her. My god, you have to meet her. You two will get on so well. She keeps my on my toes and is hilarious.’

Bucky glanced at you, a familiar pang of guilt shooting through him. You were his best friend’s girl and he could never do anything to pursue you because he cared about Steve too much. Steve was the one person who had given him a chance and had stuck by him through everything. Steve deserved you, Bucky didn’t.

It wasn’t long before Bucky pulled into a driveway. You looked around, realising that you were deep in the woods. It was an off road cabin that seemed to be pretty far from civilisation, “This is it.” Bucky cut the engine before getting out of the car. You stayed put, staring at the cabin in front of you. From the outside, it looked a little run down but very liveable. It was made with a dark oak wood which blended in well with the trees. Passers by would have to do a double take at first because of how well it blended in.

You got out of the car, grabbing the rucksack that had been by your feet. Bucky appeared beside you, carrying all of his and your bags, “Ready?”

You didn’t look at him, eyes stuck on the cabin in front of you. This was it. This was your future. You were unusually terrified as you stared at it. As soon as you stepped into that cabin, your future would change forever. Everything would change. Life as you knew it with Steve would completely change as soon as you walked into that cabin. With your heart beating fast, you took a breath and nodded, following him up the stony path and to the front door. He unlocked it and swung the door open before disappearing inside. You hesitated at the front door, staring at the line on the floor to mark the cabin’s entrance.

“I love you, Steve,” you whispered before stepping into the cabin and closing the door behind you.

The cabin had an old musty smell to it, the smell of emptiness. Clearly, no one had lived here for a long time. The décor was simple and pretty outdated but it was nice. Bucky had flicked the lights on throughout the cabin and was checking each room just to double check. You wandered through each room. The living room was simple with a couple of recliners and a small couch with a small TV on an old coffee table. You’d be surprised if the TV still worked with a thick layer of dust coating it. There was a large fireplace in the middle of the side wall which would be nice on a cold night. The kitchen was nice with everything that the pair of you would need to get started in the wooden cupboards and on shelves. It had a small table in the corner of the room, looking out of the window. Bucky told you that tomorrow, he would go get some shopping and food supplies until then you had the water and a few more snacks.

Next, you ventured into the bedrooms. Yours and Bucky’s separate bedrooms were adjacent to each other. Bucky had dropped his bags in the slightly smaller room. You went to object but the look on his face told you not to even bother. Bucky’s room was smaller yet still spacious enough for a double bed and a wardrobe. Your room was pretty much the same though as well as a wardrobe you had the chest of drawers as well. The shared bathroom was beside your room and it was... well, it was just an outdated bathroom. And that was it.

The cabin wasn’t particularly big or luxurious but it was much than you had expected. You seriously were expecting to sleep on the floor on a bug infested hotel but Bucky had done pretty good. You’d long since abandoned your disguise, feeling much better when looking like yourself. As you wandered around again, checking cupboards, finding extra duvets and pillows in the wardrobe in your room, you remembered something important. You dug around in your bags until you found it; a picture frame. Bucky knocked on your bedroom door. You turned to him, “You don’t need to knock,” you said.

“Come so I can show you something.”

You followed him into the living room as you held the picture frame in your hands. He stopped in front of a painting on the wall moving the painting to reveal a safe, “Oh, wow,” you said surprised.

“I got this safe installed and I’m putting this gun inside it, okay?” He told you, taking a gun from his back pocket. You jumped slightly, not expecting him to wield a weapon in front of you, “This is for emergencies, got it? I’ll teach you how to use it but for now, I’m locking it up in here, okay?”

“I don’t want to use a gun-”

“Neither do I,” Bucky said, cutting over you, “but I have to at least show you how to use it just in case, okay? The code is 0407-”

“Steve’s birthday.”

Bucky faltered before nodding and continuing, “Yeah, Steve’s birthday. Type that in,” he typed it in, “and it’ll unlock.” He dropped the gun inside of it before closing it over, “Re-type the code and it locks. Got it?”

You nodded.

“I always have at least one weapon on me at all times, okay? I have my gun and I have my knife. I’m only putting this here and showing you just in case, okay? We’ll probably never have to use it but it’s just in case something happens, just so I know that if I can’t get to you, you can have some way to protect yourself.”

Again, you nodded. Bucky eyed you carefully, making sure that you were okay with this. You didn’t really know how to feel about it. You weren’t surprised that he had weapons but it scared you the thought of you having to use them. Hopefully it would never come to that though. He could see the toll this was taking on you and you’d barely been gone a day. He was about to ask what you had in your hands when you wandered over to the fireplace and put the photo atop. It was a photo that you had once upon a time hated. It was you and Steve laughing as you posed for a picture in front of your Christmas tree. Nat had taken it on Christmas Eve. You wore a dress that hugged your curves a little too tightly for your liking but Steve had loved to see you in that dress. He always said the colour complimented your complexion so well and now that you could actually see colour, you could see where he was coming from. You loved that picture now, you remembered the night fondly where he twirled you around, telling you how beautiful you were every other minute. So yeah, you could see your protruding stomach and your bigger arms but you loved it. You smiled as you looked at Steve’s smile, heart soaring as you looked at him. Steve could make you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. With him, you truly believed it. Your weight never defined your worth, you defined it.

Almost instantly, Bucky lunged for it, grabbing it and almost tumbling into you, “What the fuck?!” You hissed, leaping backwards. You hadn’t expected the dark haired super soldier to lunge from across the room, almost knocking you off of your feet to grab the picture frame down.

Bucky released a sharp breath, “The window,” he said gruffly. He pulled the curtains shut quickly, “We can’t put any photos up.”

“Why the fuck not?!”

He rolled his eyes, Steve had warned him that you could be stubborn, “In case we’re being watched. If someone’s tailing us, they might look through the window and have our identities confirmed if we put photos up.”

You rolled your eyes, “If someone’s tailing us then I’m pretty sure that they know our identities already. Give me it back.”

“Fine but you’re not putting it there,” Bucky said.

You glared at him as a bubble of anger boiled in your stomach, “My god, how am I meant to stay here with you for weeks if you’re such an arse over a photo?!”

“Yeah?” Bucky scoffed, “I didn’t have to come here, (y/n). I came because Steve asked. I came for you.”

You were breathing heavy as you glared at each other, “Yeah well maybe I don’t want you here.”

“Maybe I don’t want to be here!”

“Keep the stupid picture.” You turned on your heel and stormed into your bedroom, slamming the door shut behind you. You knew that you weren’t angry at Bucky, you knew that the two of you were tired and hungry. You knew that you were a flurry of emotions from having your life flipped upside down. You knew that Bucky was looking out for your safety but you were pissed and he was the only person near you so he would have to deal with it.

Bucky sighed heavily as he fell onto the couch, pursing his lips and pinching the bridge of his nose. Yeah, Steve, she’s fucking brilliant.

It was hours later when you rolled over with a huff. Sleep wasn’t coming easily. You were still too pissed off and because you were still so pissed off, you were only getting more annoyed. You knew that if the anger faded, you’d probably end up crying and you didn’t know which was worse so you just stayed angry. You wished that Bucky would’ve just been able to talk to you normally instead of treating you like a child. You would’ve absolutely understood the picture fiasco had he not leapt over the table and yanked it like a dog stealing someone’s dinner from the table.

You sat up in bed. Usually, if you couldn’t sleep you’d watch TV or go on your phone but you didn’t feel up for watching the tiny TV in the living room and you obviously didn’t have a phone so you couldn’t do much than think. You’d need to see if there was a cheap CD player and CDs in town so that you could at least have some background noise. The cabin was eerily quiet at night. It was a different surrounding in a different country and everything just felt a little uneasy. You were used to New York where the hustle and bustle was part of every day life but the woods was so quiet aside from the rustling trees... it would take some getting used to.

With a huff, you grabbed your dressing gown from the bag on the floor and made your way into the kitchen. You grabbed a glass and filled it with water before taking a long drink. You didn’t know why you wandered into the living room but you found yourself venturing in and it was then you noticed, in the dim light from the moon, you saw a note and the picture of you and Steve that sat on the coffee table in front of the TV. You picked up the note.

I’m sorry about freaking out over the picture, it’s been a long day. Steve warned me you were stubborn but I wasn’t prepared, I guess. Let’s not put it on the fire place until we’re absolutely sure that no one’s tracking us. Until then, it can go here where it’s not facing a window. Hope that’s okay. It is a lovely picture of you and Steve... Again, sorry. - Bucky

You smiled slightly as you read it before slipping the note into your dressing gown pocket and going back to bed. So Bucky Barnes was decent after all.

#reader insert #life without colour #lwc #plus size series #plus size reader #reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x plus size reader #steve rogers x reader x bucky barnes #bucky barnes #steve rogers #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x plus size reader #bucky barnes/reader #steve rogers/reader #bucky barnes x reader x steve rogers #marvel #avengers

255 notes · View notes

brw · 3 years ago

Note

002 — ScarletVision (it’s ur brand I HAD to 💖)

When I started shipping them

Honestlyyy I cant remember </3 they just have given me brainworms for the past 5 or so years n I have to deal w/ it <3 I guess I just thot that Vision was cool n they're such an iconic pairing that you sort of have to come across them at some point

My thoughts

ONE of the premier comic book relationships. theyre iconic theyre groundbreaking theyre so special and dramatic and have my whole heart. i can't personally think of a single relationship that has the range they do. theyre ur embarrassing het parents theyre the friendship of a gay man and lesbian they are a t4t lesbian power couple they are having a fight in a car park they are star crossed lovers whos fates are entertwined and the fact that their romance happened goes against all odds. they r so special.

What makes me happy about them

the fact that they STILL love each other they still are very close friends they made a LIFE together and they remember and respect that and love each other for it and even though theyre much different now they still have so much respect for one another i love their constant growth. strangers to being so fragily in love with each other to becoming stronger + standing by one another as they become the best versions of themselves, building a life together away from the avengers, the tragedy that struck them and the fact that they managed to rebuild past that and remain good friends. they r SO. thinking about them daily. they were KIDS IN LOVE they didnt deserve this :(

What makes me sad about them

everything john byrne did </3 set the WORST prescent for them it makes me so enraged that ppl still use it as evidence they shouldn't have been together they were SO in love prior to that vision got violated against their will and thats not their fault!!! n the fact that people can't let them rest.... WEIRD WRITERS R NOT THESE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS RESPONSIBILITY PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE IT IS! SOBBING.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me

definitely ppl who recontextualise their relationship to be manipulative or abusive on vision's part saw that kind of idea in the 616 SV tag n i was so :/ just. dont use the tag lol. anyway finding anything centered on them that isn't mcu based is ridiculously hard so. that ig. vision with binary pronouns. i struggle a lot if u couldn't tell.

Things I look for in fanfic

genderqueer vision at the TOP of that list but definitely like,,, stuff that has clear references i guess. like i like some continuity i like being able to tell which comic issue it happened during i like being Specific!! uhhhh wanda being explictly jewish in like holiday celebrations is always a plus :0000 and if the avengers r there definitely a non mcu lineup. where r jan and hank.

My wishlist

ngl not sure what this means but assuming it means like, wishes for them, i guess uhhh. polyamory. literally it is 2022 no more ship wars. they r dating everyone. my wish is that they get back together but have an open / poly relationship.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other

DEFINITELY scarletvoodoo & visionmantis. wanda & jericho r SO SO SO soft they are so important scarletvision endgame but i do actually need more content of them so badly. there is so much more to explore how does jericho vibe w/ tommy & billy!! they were moving in together what does their house look like!! what is their morning routine!!! please let me know!!and visionmantis bc they are just also so soft.... autistic nonbinary lesbian 4 autistic nonbinary lesbian. she is green they r red it is a perfect combo. they understand each other on a deeper level, like they understand each other's emotions & outlook more than other ppl n i really want that explored. they only broke up canonically bc vision could not get pregnant!! we can fix that its the future. bring them back to me.

My happily ever after for them

AGAIN polyamory. they have so many hands. getting back together getting remarried but like. explictly as their updated selves. we CANNOT regress we need to look forward it has to be brought out of respect for what their pasts r and what their futures would look like together has to be a writer that actually cares abt them please nothing to do w/ wendyshow i could not handle it. i know it will not happen in a way that i want but i can dream!!

ask game for fandoms, ships & characters.

#TYSM FOR ASKING.#ask games} answers #r: until the stars burn out #userbuckynat #they ARE my brand thank u sobbing #emotional support transgender lesbians

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some-stars · 3 years ago

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Fic writer questionnaire! Tagged by @deputychairman, thank you!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

65....just waiting for 69 so i can celebrate

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

288,609

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

okay, so, there's a lot so we're gonna collapse some. So, 16: The Witcher (games and show), Supernatural, Dark Angel, Glee, Stargate (both SG1 and SGA), MCU, Vampire Diaries, Teen Wolf, due South, DC (comics and movies), House of Leaves, Sense8, Harry Potter, Les Miserables (book), Doctor Who, and X-Men movies. Oh, and I wrote a lot of NSYNC RPF back in the day but you will never see it. (Unless you literally read it back then and remember one and want to reread it, I’m not ashamed of them if you were also in the pit with me. If that is the case feel free to ask.)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

all some children do is work: this one surprised me, i did NOT think there was this kind of appetite for almost-gen turned-into-a-kid fic, but i do really like the fic itself so i'm contented with its acclaim

method: i mean, it's fake dating, written back when there wasn't much non-modern-AU fake dating in witcher fandom (possibly there still isn't?) so, not surprised

Emergency Pants: this is the one that the Claw chose back in 2012 bc i had written very pornographic tony/bruce about a month after Avengers came out so there was a big appetite for it. i don't much care for it these days except i do still think the tony voice is good

warm you like the sunshine: deeply unsurprised this one is popular (and it's one of my own fics that i reread a lot), it's extremely tender BDSM with a juggernaut pairing, that gets the readers

As often as from thee I go: honestly kinda surprised about this one, which is just a 2500 word confection i wrote for my own satisfaction, but it does have explicit sex and jaskier crying about his feelings so maybe it makes sense

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I almost always do, but usually just with "Thanks!" unless it's a detailed or lengthy comment.

6) What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

"Long black night, morning frost" (Les Miserables) for absolute certain. One of the very few fics I've written with an outright unhappy and pessimistic ending (although I found it very cathartic to write). For Witcher fics, "Kind" and "go ask alice" are about as sad as I get.

7) What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Almost all of them, honestly. There's a point in happiness of endings where you really can't distinguish degrees. Probably the most--not saccharine, but distinctly Happy Ending-ish is either "Water like a stone" or "Darling, if you only knew," which to my eternal shame are both Glee fics. In terms of Witcher fics...it's still hard to pick! I think the kidfic trilogy ended very, very happily; I think "If you live through this with me" ended TOO happily.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you've written?

I do not, and I don't read them, at least not since the days of the late 90s/early 2000s when I once read a really good Highlander/X-Files crossover (oh, and Martha's cosmic horror fic where Stargate and Angel and I think something else all cross over but it feels quite natural and right). I don't like fusions, either, most of the time.

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Never! In 20 years! I've been extremely lucky.

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

ahahahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

yes...yes you could say i write smut. on occasion. you know, when the urge comes on me. i write mostly kink or at least kink-adjacent fic, but i've done some vanilla scenes too, and i write m/m and m/f and (occasionally) f/f. fun fact, my only rimming scene to date was in a f/f/f threesome!

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think so? I can't remember, honestly, which sounds dreadful but like...I don't READ the translation, because I am sadly monolingual, but I get a burst of delight when someone asks to do it (or to make a podfic).

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have tried--me and a friend once got like 12k deep into a co-written Tiger and Bunny fic--but it doesn't really work out for me. I am a massive control freak when it comes to writing and absolutely miserable to work with. (Although I wasn't so bad back when we wrote the T&B fic, we just sort of never got around to finishing it. Which is sad, because it was GREAT.)

14) What's your all time favorite ship?

Max/Alec from Dark Angel. I shipped it when I only started watching DA for Jensen's episodes, I shipped it when I fell in love with Max, I shipped it when I frantically hand-wrote notes about the fic I wanted to write, I ship it right now as I'm typing, I will ship it in my grave. Also it's not a het ship bc neither of them are heterosexual, thank you very much.

15) What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I only post finished fics, but in terms of things I haven't posted, I still think my "For A Good Time Call" fem!jaskier/yennefer(/geralt) AU would have been truly incredible. If you haven't watched that movie go watch it immediately so you can share this beautiful idea with me.

16) What are your writing strengths?

Ohhh, this and the next one are hard, because I truly don't know. Well, besides "porn." I am genuinely good at porn, which is HILARIOUS considering how many more sex scenes I've written than participated in. But overall, I have so much angst and neurosis and tenuous self-worth tied up in writing, I'm a very bad judge of my own skills. Also, it depends on the fandom! In some fandoms I'm good at dialogue, in others not so much. In some fandoms I'm good at pastiching the tone of the source and in others...Not So Much.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

If I had to pick a weakness, though, I'd say concrete imagery/detail. Like, the things that characters are physically doing either out of emotional reaction or just, they're doing something in that scene. Dialogue is usually easier (not sure if it comes out better, but it's easier).

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I used to be mildly annoyed at it but! Now! On AO3! You can put a footnote by the French or whatever, so the reader can jump down to read a translation and then jump right back up. I now feel that if you choose to include dialogue (or any words) in another language from the rest of the story, this is the only acceptable method.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I remember vaguely in 1996 or so writing a couple pages of Kit whump for the Young Wizards books. I wrote some execrable nonsense in X-Files, but in my defense I had just turned 13. I don't THINK I wrote anything for Star Trek, which was my first fandom. Oh, and I attempted to write fic for Homicide, which I watched in 7th and 8th grade and lied about my age to get onto the good mailing lists (they were actually the bad, racist mailing lists, I would later realize, but again I was 13).

20) What's your favorite fic you've written?

Sorry to disappoint anyone who follows me for Witcher content, but it's either "The absolute absurdity of end-series items" (House of Leaves) or "A quite unlosable game" (Dark Angel). They are both Big Idea fics, and I feel like in both of them I got the Idea across brilliantly, and I'm truly proud of them and think they're the best things I've ever made. (In terms of Witcher fic, it's the kidfic trilogy for sure.)

I am not going to tag anyone because that always makes me mildly anxious, but if you read this and you want to do it you can say you were tagged by me! :D? :D?

#meme

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swashbucklery · 4 years ago

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as far as i can remember they were just like everyone yeeted back to exactly where they were but it's five years later and then did no further critical thinking or worldbuilding about what that would look like practically

Look. I know that the real answer to “why is there a 5 year time jump between IW and Endgame” is, “because the Russos wanted to give Tony an adorable child to capitalize on the sadness of his death, and a younger child wouldn’t be as cute/sad.” But because Endgame was trying to do so many things altogether, narratively there’s this massive question mark about the resolution of the snap and un-snapping because it doesn’t make sense in-universe. And if this set of films had been released in 2016 I think I’d be more likely to trust that this was done with intention, that there’s a cool thing they’re going to do with the time gap that will have narrative payoff. But the Russos spent two feature length films systematically dismantling everything I loved about the entire universe and franchise and so, like. Now I am here with my grievances.

So.

Leaving aside the concept of like. I get that we’re calling it the blip bc only the avengers know it was the snap but do you not think we would call it idk. The Calamity? The Great Dusting? Or, given the way that we as a society are experiencing COVID, it’d make more sense to have in-universe characters refer to it by a year except we CAN’T because WHAT YEAR IS IT IN THE MCU, GUYS. DOES ANYONE KNOW? IS EVERYTHING IN WANDAVISION NOW HAPPENING IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2023?

BUT ALSO.

(Feelings about the post-snap MCU under the cut, content warnings for the fact that I remain incandescent with rage about Endgame and don’t like Tony Stark.)

1) Okay someone in reply to my last post said that they made some comment in Far From Home that everyone got re-snapped out of harm’s way which answers my “what if you were on an airplane” question I GUESS but also: what if you were on an airplane, guys.

2) Zooming in tight on the hospital situation in Wandavision like. I know that you can just say the above but also: if you were connected to medical equipment do you get snapped back with it disconnected? If no, because it was life-saving, are you - reconnected? What happens if someone else is now using that equipment? What if you were in the middle of getting surgery and you were snapped but your surgeon was not? We have not thought this through.

3) Also what got unsnapped back leads me to what got snapped in the first place because this is relevant, if you are going to create an in-universe calamity that leads to a global apocalypse you have to at least briefly wikipedia what might happen so that there is a cohesive narrative explanation for your choices. For the sake of this post let’s say - LET’S SAY - that Thanos misspoke in Infinity War and that the snap doesn’t kill half of all life on earth and it’s truly just half the people.

3a) This is relevant because if you kill 50% of the plants and bacteria and fungi, the entire ecosystem collapses and everyone dies BUT NEVER DECOMPOSES and there are so many things that rely on the existence of microorganisms that we don’t even think about. (Reference here if you’re a nerd, there’s a more approachable summary in the Washington Post from 2014 here. This article deals with the idea of no bacteria ever but the principles they lay out are sound.)

3b) So let’s assume it’s just people. Post-snap it’s now been five years, which is enough time for most processes (food systems, manufacturing supply chains, housing reallocation, transportation networks) to have adapted to a sudden decrease in population. You think this is not a big deal but IT IS, it’s not just a question of oh we have less mouths to feed therefore the planet is healed IF YOU SNAP HALF THE FARMERS YOU GET HALF THE FOOD SUPPLY it literally solves nothing. Let alone the mass deaths as supply chains are disrupted and food systems scramble to recover, PLUS the tragedy of food waste as supply chains have to be reworked to respond to the new geographic realities of demand.

3c) Plus the inevitable economic collapse as financial systems predicated on production and finance working in a specific way just cease to function

3d) Let alone the administrative burden? Just to start with, if Mr. X doesn’t pay his rent because he’s been snapped, who is in charge of deciding when his apartment can be rented to someone else. What happens to this things. What happens if his next of kin has been snapped. If these administrative systems no longer make sense in a post-snap society how do you begin to decide what system works better and reconcile that with pre-existing political ideologies and systems.

4) Okay BUT THEN YOU BRING EVERYONE BACK. And it doesn’t FIX THINGS because its been FIVE FUCKING YEARS so you’ve basically just created a second apocalpyse? Because society has now ADAPTED and RECOVERED. Like yeah it’s nice to see everyone again but what if you were the person who rented out Mr. X’s apartment and now he gets unsnapped and is like, hello I live here what have you done with all my shit.

4a) look I know a lot of people like Morgan Stark I know they do but honestly the Russos broke the entire MCU so that Dead Tony Stark’s Adorable Child Who We Made Up Just Now could exist and it is infuriating to me.

4b) But also then like. Everything that was adapted post-snap has to get redone. It’s not as simple as “going back the way things were.” You’ve restructured your global food system to feed 3.5 billion people and suddenly you have to feed 7 billion that is a catastrophe. And yes you can theoretically get around this partially by stockpiling all of the food that would have gone to waste in the initial snap, but not all food can be preserved/stockpiled and that infrastructure takes time to establish.

4b-2) Plus the parallel crises in housing, infrastructure, transportation and financial systems.

4c) And the thing that is really getting me is like. 200% Monica deserves to walk into her job and still be employed as - whatever she is, a spaceship pilot slash director of SWORD? But the idea that like. What happens to that boring dude who was doing her job, does he go back to his old job? Does the person who took over for him just get fired now how does that work. Do jobs even work the same way after the global economy has been so substantially restructured? Is there a system for this how does HR figure out if the company can suddenly afford to pay all of their pre-snap employees?

And look I know that you’re reading this like wow. Grouchy Aunt J maybe you need to chill about Marvel comics movies. And probably I do, you’re not wrong, but also the text is inviting us to think about this. They’re showing Monica in the hospital and hoping that the little moment of OH SHIT THE DOCTORS ARE FREAKING OUT OR WHATEVER is sufficient to close this narrative gap but it's just drawing more attention to it. “Maria had a plan for all this” WHAT PLAN. What did she DO what did she anticipate how has her plan made all of this better. Did she singlehandedly solve all of the global food, housing, economic, infrastructure and health crises with one really well-researched powerpoint? The MCU has to decide if they’re going to actually sit down and provide an in-text resolution to Endgame or if they’re going to brush past it and ignore it but they have to pick one and then do it.

#night of the living anons #wandavision #wandavision spoilers #grouchy aunt j's bottomless endgame rage #grouchy aunt j's superhero science corner #mcu feelings

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luffysbasement · 3 years ago

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/rp

ok thats it. ive come to a decision. i am now an official c!dnf apologist. (...or whatever they call it)

(long post!! just sleepy rambling abt c!dnf lol, be warned)

i will defend c!dnf's story of love and heartbreak and repel all concepts of them being in a toxic relationship.

i see a lot of hc's with george turning to dxd bc dre hurt him and stuff but i beg to differ! (i love dxd he's my lil meow meow but i dont want the tragic love between c!dnf to fall into one thats misunderstood and viewed as a toxic one!!)

even from the beginning, before the first lmanberg war, before the crowning of eret, dream was already planning on giving the throne to george. the throne was already his without any malice, nothing. because then, before dream's fall to desperation and madness, theyre just one nation that wants to thrive and keep their lands to themselves (fair enough, fair enough). dream has yet to feel the threat that tommy and wilbur will be showing him for the control of the server.

george being crowned king was premature. this was already during the time dream felt threatened. the time he starts spiraling into madness, dethroning eret and pushing george atop the throne out of pettiness. sure it was with ulterior motives. but let's not forget that george wasn't even that into being king.

my personal analysis on george's character: he very obviously doesnt have strong opinions and drives in regards to the events happening in the server. he's always just kinda with his friends, fighting with his everything but not really sharing the same intensity when it comes to motives. (this is basically just george being uninterested in lore lol BUT) we can look at that as his character trait. his main point is the fact that he sleeps a lot. he's detached. in the recent events, he's in confusion, not being able to distinguish reality and his dreams. detached george can be a thing from the start of the smp. this would make a lot of sense because when dream promised him the throne, we didnt show strong emotions and when he was declared king, he was the exact same. even when he was dethroned by dream, he initially didnt have strong reactions until the people around him started getting angry for him. only then did he felt upset by dream.

going back to dream: he was already george's knight before george was even king. we can debate all we want whether dream avenging george's mushroom house is just an excuse, or because of his genuine care for him or just him performing his duty as george's knight but point still stands: he defended george.

(lets not forget that before seeing george's house, when dream passed by the flower shop and got flowers, his first thought is to give it to george)

when george was dethroned, dreams main reasons are (aside from the fact thatceret is back): george is being exposed to potential danger as king and george doesn't even want the throne.

(if we're going by my george charac. analysis above, we're going to go by dreams words with the second reason.)

this is probably where the hurt no comfort came in.

dream didn't want george to be exposed to danger. which he was. it may be a funny prank for tommy but it is still arson and theft. and george is the king. even when dream was on the verge of his "fall", he still cared. there's a possibility that by this time, dream still hasnt cut his attachments and he still does care for george. and it might be his last act of caring. the last thing he can do for george before dream lets himself finally turn into this cold, emotionless warrior that only wanted power and control, not letting his friendships and emotions hold him down.

during the exile is probably the time dream has shaped his thoughts and emotions to be void to be able to control other people's thought and emotions instead.

dream cut off everything that mattered to him. for george, as a friend and ahem lover ahem, this hurt. theres no explaining to do here, dream left behind everything including his bonds wih other people, he lefts his friends, left george. all for the sake of power and control. how hurt, we cant really tell because george's character isnt an expressive one. he could be holding all his emotions in, maybe denying them, leaving it all at the back of his mind to visit only occasionally when he's alone.

but george cant be the only one. making the decision to cut off everything must also hurt. dre chose power over friends, he chose to be cold hearted. coming to the realization that this is what he has to do and actually acting it out--itll hurt.

theyre both hurt. george is left alone without his friends, all of which are in their own personal pursuit of something while hes just there. toeing between realities and dreams. probably as a way to remedy the fact that the home he had has broken into pieces and flew off to seperate ways. they cant go back to the old days so george just let his dreams consume him so he can play around like he used to with his friends.

dream is in prison. not only did he fail to achieve what he tried so hard to get, (so hard he had to get rid of everything he has, only strength remains) but he must be getting nightmares to remind him of how much he failed and how much he lost just to fail.

its such a sad gay love story

#i dont fcking know whG im doing with this #its 3am #im tired from drawing but here i am making a freaking essay over dnf #dnf #dream smp #looooool #c!dnf my beloved #your tragic love story shall not be misunderstood for a toxic one #it is in fact not because it is just sad #tKe this with a grain of salt i am literally just mind vomitting #not thinking straight just thiniing dnf

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moonlit-imagines · 5 years ago

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Headcanons for being Peter Parker’s sister

Peter Parker x sister!reader

warnings:

a/n: this is LONG

prompt: @coffeeaff: “Hc where y/n is Peter Parker's sister!”

let’s start this out by stating the obvious: you were Peter’s other half

ever since you were kids, it’s always been “Peter and Y/N”

sometimes you’d literally have to be pried apart bc you refused to leave each other’s sides

may and ben went from zero kids to two in a day and had no idea where to go from there

especially when you and peter had nerf wars

“what are we gonna do, ben?”

*ben, cocking his nerf gun* “it’s nerf or nothing?”

once your aunt and uncle got the hang of things, you were all one big team

peter and you started growing up and going to school

it was new and scary for you

you came up with a secret way to say “i love you” to each other bc you were afraid the 5 year olds would make fun of you

“the lion says hi” (you were 5 and you really liked the wizard of oz)

every year you got placed in the same elementary school classes, turning into some of the most delightful kids who kept to themselves most of the time and showed real promise

until one year they wanted to put you in separate classes to see how you’d do alone

you and peter simultaneously had tantrums until they called may and ben and calmed you down

“what’s that noise?” -teacher at least 35 doors down the hall

the school almost switched your class so you’d be together again, but ben decided that the two of you needed a little bit of space to grown on your own

which worked! now when you guys got home, you’d run to your shared room and tell each other all the third grade gossip

by the time you reached middle school, you were in half of each other’s classes and most of the same clubs

by high school, peter was begging you to join band and the decathlon team

you can’t tell me you guys didn’t take the same foreign language class to talk to each other

“j'ai renversé du chocolat chaud sur le canapé” (I spilled hot chocolate on the couch)

“je vais retourner le coussin” (i’ll go flip the cushion)

now here’s where things get interesting

you were the first to know about peter’s newfound powers

because you walked into your shared room while he was stuck to the ceiling

“hey, uh, i can explain in a minute, but can you maybe possibly help me down?”

it took you an hour

he fell on top of you

“sorry! sorry, sorry! i’m sorry”

“start talking, please”

peter explained that he had the powers for 2 weeks and he has gotten stuck to so many things

he was scared

“don’t tell anyone!”

“since when have i been a snitch?”

you and him using your science brains to figure out how to deal with all of this

then ben died and everything wasn’t so good for a while

you’d find each other crying alone a lot

then sitting together and crying

and comforting aunt may every chance you got

sometimes you and peter made cookies for her and now peter likes baking and cooking

peter decided to become “spider-man”

which you weren’t completely psyched over but you weren’t totally against either

“pros: my brother is a super hero, cons: it’s dangerous and if i lose you, me and may will be very very sad. we already lost ben”

thrifting together

clothes and electronics

“do we really have to go through the trash, too?”

“yes, y/n, there could be some really cool stuff here!” *peter holds up a mechanical keyboard* “score!”

missing trains together

walking to school/home together

showing each other new music

walking into your apartment and finding tony freaking stark on your couch

sitting with may on the couch until tony calls you into the room

“so you helped create the webs for his suit?”

“i have no idea—”

“y/n, he knows”

“yes, yes i did”

getting to work as tony’s engineer/scientist apprentice

“y/n, this is a little weapon that i am gifting you so that if peter ever does something stupid, you can lend a hand. that is all it is for, kapeesh?”

mr. stark this, mr. stark that

peter’s tired, bruised-ass self crawling through your bedroom window at 2am was actually pretty normal

you are his wingman

he had to copy your homework a lot

“you owe me”

you almost died on the washington d.c. field trip but you were the chillest person there bc you knew peter was nearby

“dude! why are you so calm?” -flash

(fast forward to infinity war)

“holy shit! we’re all gonna die!” -ned

you grabbed peter’s arm right before he left

“lion says hi” you chuckled with fear in your eyes

“lion says hi” he repeated, handing you his hoodie from out of his bag “if i lose this, may will freak. keep it safe.”

you and ned talking about spider business on the bus

“do you still have that thing mr. stark gave you? the secret weapon?”

“yeah but it’s not much use right now”

you seeing a certain spider being lifted into space

calling the suit itself bc you have access to the comms

“peter? peter, what the hell are you doing? come back!” you were staring out the bus window

*line disconnected*

you called pepper

“ms. potts? hi, it’s y/n”

“they’re in space”

“are they coming back?”

“god, i hope”

and then may dusted

and all your friends dusted

and you were freaking out

and pepper called you

“oh, my god, thank god you’re okay”

“are peter and tony okay?”

“i have no idea.” she’s crying now “is your aunt okay?”

“she’s gone” you’re crying now

“oh, jesus. okay, hey, don’t worry, everything will be alright. i’m gonna get you a ride to the avengers compound. everyone we need is meeting there”

waiting weeks to find tony and your brother

your hopes were so high when captain marvel brought the ship back

you, steve, and pepper got there so fast

but your heart dropped when you heard “i lost the kid”

pepper and tony decided to adopt you since you weren’t quite 18 yet and tony knew what it was like to be young and alone

and you looked up to tony and pepper anyways

and they had already started to see you and peter as their “crazy ass yet talented nephew and niece” (tony’s words)

you were a bridesmaid in the wedding, though

and you’d never had a sister, so morgan was pretty great

you babysat a lot after you left the house because you secretly liked being back home

when the snap was reversed, everything was really really weird

peter was 5 years younger than you

you fought against thanos in a suit that you built yourself

peter didn’t know it was you until you landed in front of him to protect him and lifted your mask up with tears in your eyes

it was the most emotional hug you ever had

may was super proud of who you grew up to be

but she was upset she didn’t get to be there during some of the most important years of your life

mourning tony with your brother, trying to comfort him the best that you could

telling him all about the past five years

still having one of the strongest family bonds you could imagine because that’s the way it is

#peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker #spiderman #spiderman x reader #spiderman imagine #marvel #marvel x reader #marvel imagine #avengers #avengers x reader #avengers imagine

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queen-of-the-avengers · 4 years ago

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Pick A Side

Characters: Steve Rogers x Stark!Reader, Tony Stark

Word Count: 1,886

Warnings: angst, captain america civil war and sokovia accords spoilers

Request by @previouslyforgotten: Alright this takes place during CACW and the reader is Tony’s daughter. He expects her to take his side but she takes Steve’s side. Maybe bc she thinks it’s right idk? But she’s like “I love you dad, but you can’t ask me to not choose what I think is right”?? And maybe make it buckyxreader. Or maybe Steve? Or whoever it doesn’t matter. But I’ve had this in my mind for awhile and I figured I’d ask.

Summary: You’re a Stark, so people expect you to take your father’s side on everything. When the Sokovia Accords are presented, you have a choice to make: will you take your father’s side or the side you believe in? What will it do to your family?

Squares Filled: captain america for my second card of @star-spangled-bingo // rivarly for my second card of @avengersbingo // balconies/rooftops for my second card of @happystevebingo

Author’s Note: If you have any requests, please send them in! This is unbeta’d and any and all mistakes are all on me.

Being Tony’s daughter is something hard to live by. It holds a high standard for everyone who hears it. People expect you to show up to events, to be as smart as your father, to protect those when they ask, to be a hero even though you don’t know how to be one, and to make sacrifices that a normal eighteen-year-old wouldn’t dare to make. Being Tony’s daughter has put a lot of strain onto your life, but you knew one thing to be true: if you hadn’t been his daughter, you wouldn’t have met any of the people you live and work with.

And what wonderful people they are.

The person you grew closest to would have to be Natasha. She understands how suffocating Tony can be, so she offers you a place to rewind and let go of everything that is bothering you. She knows a bit too much about being trapped inside your own head, to have so many people relying on you to do the right thing and to show up and to be what they expect, and she takes that all away.

The person you love to have fun with is Bucky. He’s the one you go to when you need to get out of the house. Despite being trapped with HYRDA, he does know how to have a good time. He grew up in Brooklyn in the 1940s, he loves to dance, be outside, to hike, to be involved with nature in every way possible. He finds peace in doing that, and you love to join him.

The person you love to learn about magic is Wanda. She is always looking for an excuse to show off her powers, and you go to her whenever you want to learn about what she can do. She manipulates minds, and you admit to asking her to make you see what a world would be like if there were no problems and everyone is happy. It’s a delusion, but you just want to live at that moment even if it is for a few minutes. She’s loyal and trusting, and she’s a really good friend to count on.

The person you go to about knowledge is Thor. He knows everything about all the worlds in the Nine Realms. He introduced you to Heimdall who showed you what he can do. Thor is a crazy and silly friend, but his heart is always pure. He makes you laugh when you’re feeling sad, and you trust him with your life.

The person you go to about science is, of course, Bruce. The people you go to about athletic skills are Sam and Clint. The people you go to learn about the new world are Shuri and T’Challa. When you have an existential crisis is Vision. You have so many people to fall back on, and you are so grateful to have each of them in your life. Being Tony’s daughter allows you to have so many opportunities that not a lot of people are going to have.

Steve, though, well, he’s a completely different story. He’s all of those put together and more. He is your other half--when he hurts, you hurt. When he is passionate, you feel it too. When he cries, you want to sob. Everything you feel is because of him. He holds your heart like no one else does. He provides you with a home, safety, and comfort. You don’t just trust your life with the man, your life is the man. You live for him. You breathe for him. You fight for him. Everything you do is for him. Your love for him is so strong, you sometimes cry at night by yourself because you just get so overwhelmed with your feelings for him that it physically hurts.

You’re more like him in more ways than one. You have the exact same serum inside your body as he does, and that makes you the second Captain America to walk the face of the Earth. Everyone calls you Major America since you’re much younger than Steve, and Major is one rank below a Captain. As a joke, everyone thought it was funny to have your suit be just like his, but you’re not complaining. Captain America’s suit is very sexy and tight-fitting. Out of all the suits you’ve seen the team wear, Steve’s is the best. Although, you are a bit biased. Your love for him makes you think everything he does is sexy and right. You are caught in his web, and you’re not sure if you want to be untangled from it.

Yet, no one knows about you and him.

There are some suspicions, but nothing had been confirmed with most. Natasha, Vision, Thor, and Wanda know, but they don’t say anything about it. You tell Natasha everything, Wanda sees Steve in your mind when you picture complete happiness, Thor hears you ask Heimdall about Steve all the time when you’re with him, and Vision is just too smart not to know. They all keep your secret, but you’re not sure how much longer you two can go on without your father knowing.

You want to tell him, but you’re at a point in your life where you need to choose which side you want to be on; the side of justice or the side of family? The government wants to pass a thing called the “Sokovia Accords” that states they get to regulate people that have “superpowers” and dictate where they are needed and when they get to help. The events that led up to that were, of course, what happened in Sokovia with Ultron, the attack on New York with Loki and his alien army, the battle of Triskelion in Washington D.C when Bucky was the biggest threat there was at the time, and the most recent attack in Lagos, Nigeria between the Avengers and Brock Rumlow or Crossbones.

Tony picked the side the government is on along with Natasha, Rhodey, Vision, T’Challa, and the newest member, Peter Parker. Steve has the rest on his team. Everyone is waiting for you to make a decision, and it’s the worst decision you ever had to face. There is too much at state on either side, so you don’t exactly know what to do. Well, you do, but one of the two most important men in your life isn’t going to like it.

On one hand, Tony is your father, and he took you in after your mom died. He’s given you everything you could have ever dreamed of and more. He’s the best father a girl could ask for. He’s been there for you through thick and thin, and you owe him your life. There is nothing you wouldn’t do for that man.

On the other hand, Steve is the love of your life. Your soul combines with his making him the only person in the entire world who not only gets you but completely understands you. There are times where you don’t even have to say a word, and he knows what you’re going to say. It makes those emotional times go by very easily.

Your mind is telling you to pick your father’s side because he had your back and now its time for you to have his. However, your heart is telling you to pick Steve’s side because these accords will rip this team in two. Yes, a lot of people have died because of these attacks, but you also saved billions by preventing catastrophes. If it weren't for you and your team, there would be aliens killing all of New York with a psychotic maniac as their leader, Ultron would have wiped out humanity so that he could start fresh wit obedient robots at his feet, and many more attacks.

These accords aren’t what’s good for your team and humanity, and like you said earlier, one of two most important men in your life just isn’t going to be happy with what you pick.

“Y/N, it’s time to make a decision. Are you going to sign or not?” your father asks.

All eyes are on you inside the conference room. You’re legally allowed to make this kind of decision, and since you have the same serum in your body, you have a say whether or not these accords are going to be a law or not. Tears threaten to spill over your eyes as you grasp the paperwork in your hand. He’s going to hate you, you can feel it.

“Y/N?” Tony asks once more.

“I love you, Dad,” you begin with a cracked voice and end with a whisper, “but you can’t ask me to not choose what I think is right. I’m sorry, I’m not signing.”

You push the paper away just as a few tears rolled down your cheek. You can’t seem to look at your dad in the eyes because you know you’ll see the hurt, anger, and betrayal you have left on his soul. Steve knows how hard this is on you, so he takes matters into his own hands.

“You’re not being serious right now, right?” your dad asks angrily.

“Tony don’t do this. You know she did what she thought was right,” Steve steps in.

“Like hell, she isn’t. She’s only doing this because she’s fucking you,” he snaps.

More tears spill over your eyes as you got up and hastily leave the room. This is painful as it is, you don’t need your father telling everyone that he thinks you only did this because you’re shacking up with the head leader of the other side. You don’t know where you’re going, but as soon as you take a step outside, you let out a loud sob. You’ve walked right onto a balcony, and you’re grateful no one is going to see you breaking down. Your knees buckle and you almost fall, but familiar and strong arms catch you before you hit the ground.

“He hates me,” you sob into Steve’s chest.

He brings you over to one of the patio chairs and sets you down on it.

“He doesn’t hate you,” Steve sighs.

“I can’t choose his side. I can’t believe that these accords are a good thing for us. Fighting against them is the right thing to do, and I hoped he’d just see that. I didn't even know he knew. God!” you sob more.

Steve doesn’t know what to say that would make you feel better right now. Instead, he decides to hold you, comb his fingers through your hair, and make sure you know that he isn’t going anywhere right now. It’s not fair how your father is treating you, but he’s going to make sure you understand you have someone on your team to back you up.

These accords are a bad thing, and if you can get everyone on your father’s side to see that, then maybe you can start the process of healing.

However, you know you’re never going to get to that stage because just like you, your father is a very stubborn man. You’re not sure what’s going to happen with the two of you after this is over. One side has to win; you just hope it doesn’t destroy the relationship you have with your dad.

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thisiswhymomworries · 5 years ago

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If I may contribute to your statement about how much Agamemnon deserved death, it wasn’t just his daughters wedding day. He arranged for her to be married to Achilles so that she would be within convenient murder range. If I remember correctly, at least in Euripides’ telling of the events, even Achilles thought the whole thing was awful when he realized what was going on. So yeah, there is no telling of the story in which I feel bad for him.

oh yeah, you’re absolutely correct that Agamemnon totally set that up and arranged for her to be married solely to get her out of the house to be killed

and Achilles WAS like “hey what the fuck this is my wedding too--well. not anymore I guess >:/”

ALSO Agamemnon is the bitch who started the Biggest Dick Slap Fight with Achilles about the distribution of loot, which led to Achilles having his Big Sulk and refusing to fight, so Patroculus put on his armor and fought in his place--shout to him by the way!! he has the highest kill count in The Iliad, NOT Big Baby Achilles--and was therefore eventually killed by Hector

so the order of fuck ups is:

Agamemnon makes a stupid ass promise (to Artemis I believe) at the beginning of the war to sacrifice whatever he sees first when he arrives home

immediately sees his daughter, who ran out to welcome him first bc she loves him

realizes now he has to kill her otherwise the gods will be mad and he won’t be able to join / or will doom The War expedition

doesn’t just stay home!! like yeah, he made a regular human promise ala WWI alliances where if something happens to this other guy over here, then fucking everybody in their dog has to go to war over it, including him, but this is YOUR DAUGHTER my dude, just stay home

Decides to go ahead and kill his daughter, I guess!!

lies to his wife (Clytemnestra) and to Achilles (ally) that he’ll marry Daughter to Achilles before they go off to war

when Clytemnestra brings Daughter down to get married, he instead ties her to the alter / pyre and kills her while Achilles is like “whoaaa what the fuck”

all so he can go to this stupid war that again, Does Not Involve Him. he only promised that if Other Guy’s shit got fucked up (ie, his wife Helen getting abducted), then he’d help out but like,, Helen maybe wanted to go to Troy anyway and also still ultimately not his problem

yes breaking promises his a huge No-No but also so is literally all of these other fuck ups he does, so why not just do One (1) fuck up and also NOT kill your daughter\

Goes to war and tries his hardest to fuck THAT up too!!

so the whole point of killing his daughter is that he HAS to go help fight in this war and then when he gets there, he’s useless

coulda just stayed home, moron

he starts a Biggest Dick Slap Fight with Achilles--ACHILLES--over who gets the best loot by pulling that he technically has rank as a king or something but he didn’t do shit

Achilles Big Mad

so basically this guy made direct eye contact with the Greeks’ BESTEST most special warrior, lied to him, killed his would-be wife, snidely pulled rank, took away another woman he wanted (that’s the “loot”), and pretty much fucked her while loudly reminding The Best Warrior he ain’t shit

like,,, ?? the Greeks DID NOT need him there!!

Achilles--their best warrior--refuses to fight, Patroculus fights instead, gets killed, Achilles mourns for three days, they basically come This Fucking Close to losing the war--which has already stalled for ten years btw bc they can’t actually get inside Troy, so the “war” thus far is basically just glorified yelling “meet me in the fucking parking lot you bitch” and sometimes someone from Troy would in fact come out to fist fight someone in the parking lot, aka Hector vs Patroculus (RIP)

if Achilles hadn’t been sulking, maybe he would’ve won the fist fight vs Hector, and Troy would’ve surrendered after losing their leader

but that doesn’t happen so Odysseus does the horse thing to get the soldiers inside Troy and they sack it, but the point is that Agamemnon DIDN’T DO SHIT except make things worse

Comes back home and immediately insults the gods

Clytemnestra does kind of set him up for this by asking leading questions, but they’re so Babey Basic. like,, if a woman asks “hey do you think you’re better than the gods” just say no!!

there’s a red carpet, which is a huge honor for the gods alone, and it’s Super Super Obvious Clytemnestra is goading him into hubris but Agamemnon “Can’t Think Critically” the Daughter Killer is like “oh fuck yeah I’ll accept honors only reserved for the gods because I’m just as good as them DO YOU HEAR THAT GODS I, A MORTAL, AM LOUDLY PROCLAIMING HUBRIS WHILE SYMBOLICALLY STEPPING ON YOU GEE HOW COULD THIS GO WRONG”

didn’t seem to put any thought into how Clytemnestra, a woman, was supposed to hold onto the throne for him FOR TEN FUCKING YEARS but then when he comes back, he rolls up like “hey, honey what’s up with you? me?? oh yeah, I had fun killing our daughter, going to war, fucking other women. LOTS of other women, I even fucked Achilles’s woman. yeah, yeah, that’s just the kind of leader I am Babey!! but anyway, you’re going to give the throne back to me and let me start making decisions as king for the whole country after I killed your daughter, nearly cost us the war, and loudly insulted the gods, right? Right??”

Guess who just got MURDERED

yeah it’s the asshole who deserved it. like, the Agamemnon specifically makes sure to recount how he killed his daughter as she begged for her life and then flashes forward back to the present where he insults the gods, just to make sure we know he Really Really deserves it

not even by modern standards! the audience was at least supposed to understand the promise he made to Artemis was dumb and shitty, that regardless of whether he was “”forced to do it”” he did still kill his own child, AND he committed hubris

Clytemnestra even has a monologue about what the fuck else she’s supposed to do: there are no laws she can turn to, and as a woman, she’s not allowed to get revenge, so her only other option is to just hand the kingdom back over to this Moron and keep sucking his cock or whatever while pretending he didn’t murder her child

basically, if someone kills one of your family members, you are morally obligated to kill them

Agamemnon MUST get his shit wrecked due to hubris

Orestes (their son) has been off dicking around and sulking, and he doesn’t want to kill Agamemnon, and anyway, all he did was kill his sister! does that really count?? seriously though, does it? spoiler: the ultimate answer is No, killing women does not count as killing a person bc women are not people

this message brought to you by Athena (ironically)

also some shit about how women aren’t actually involved in motherhood or creating a child, so a mother isn’t really a parent, and that’s why Orestes gets to kill Clytemnestra via The Greek Obligation For Revenge

Clytemnestra decides Fuck That

she holds Agamemnon accountable and kills him as he must be killed in order to avenge the killing of their daughter

she tosses a net on him while he’s in the bathtub and stabs him a million times with a spear, while laughing maniacally and bathing in the rain of blood that spurts out

as is her parental RIGHT for avenging her daughter

except the problem is that she’s Not A Man, so she ““isn’t allowed”“ to kill a man

and also that the reason Agamemnon deserved to die is ultimately decided to be his hubris, because Women Are Not People so it was OK or whatever for him to kill his daughter bc that didn’t count

therefore Clytemnestra double wasn’t allowed to kill him / avenge her and should have sat around waiting for the gods to kill Agamemnon I guess, but there’s no indication any of them actually planned to do that

they just used her to do their dirty work, so if anyone in this story was fucked into a corner by the gods, it’s Clytemnestra, not Agamemnon

Orestes then has a big long story about killing Clytemnestra

like fuck his sister I guess?? he wasn’t doing shit about revenge and his moral duty to kill the killer of his family when she was sacrificed but now that his shit idiot dad got himself killed, nooow he’s all about His Moral Duty

so he kills his mom

and he’s kind of sad about it and worried that now he deserves to die too because he killed his mom, and it’s a super fucked up sin in Greek World to kill your parent

hence the deus ex machina--literally, how this trope got invented

they lowered an actor playing Athena from the rafters and had her proclaim that Women Aren’t People, so it was probably OK or whatever for Agamemnon to kill his daughter and since women have nothing to do with the creation of a child, and just hold that little sperm-baby inside them like a cup until it magically comes out with zero effort or risk to them, then Women Aren’t Parents so Orestes didn’t reeeally kill his parent

#greek mythology #ancient greek #ancient greek mythology #the agamemnon #clytemnestra #ask #anon #answered #mine

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hatsukeii · 5 years ago

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Hi! 2, 4, 6, 8, 12, 14 for Kageyama from the headcanons list?? If it's too many, just choose whichever interest you the most! Thank you! 💜

Hhhhh ty for requesting!!

I have so many ideas from Kageyama after seeing the latest few chapters all over my explore page on ig, this should be fun~

Btw just because I crave fluff and made up romantic scenarios I will be including you as a female s/o, I hope you’re fine w that bc I’m terrible at writing same sex fanfics and I feel like including you might be fun too, sorry if it’s not what you prefer, I’ll write up another one if you want!!

(You aren’t mentioned excessively though, so don’t worry!!)

Warnings: Mild manga spoilers that have to do with Kageyama’s backstory, nothing too major though, and angstangstangstangstangst-

2. How are they like on social media?

- Kageyama’s probably one that doesn’t really have that much regarding social media.

- However he would probably have the most common ones.

- Instagram, snapchat, maybe twitter too.

- He also has tiktok now that you’ve basically forced him to download it.

- Definitely uses instagram the most out of everything he has.

- Username: milkboykags

- Followers: 992 (Since he’s pretty popular through playing volleyball.)

- Following: 745 (He tries to follow most of his followers back if they have mutual friends between them, even if it’s a fan.)

- Profile pic: Probably one of those grunge shaky pics of him with a few of the Karasuno team members and you with a dark background and stuff.

- Bio: If you don’t have milk, don’t bother looking for me. ~Me, 2k19 (He hasn’t updated his bio a year lol.)

- His instagram feed is actually pretty aesthetic.

- He has one volleyball post of the entire team at the beach playing beach volleyball while the sun sets.

- He’s way too proud of that post.

- Another one of his posts was taken when you two were on an arcade date (At that time he hadn’t confessed yet, but he asked you out just to do that) and he sneaked a photo of you trying to get a unicorn plush from one of those claw machines.

- That one he’s gonna be keeping in his feed forever.

- He has a collection of highlights.

- There’s one for volleyball practice shenanigans, one for those little dates he takes you on, another one for full on group hangouts, then one of camera wars with random people that try taking photos of him, most likely you or Hinata.

- His feed basically revolves around this filter recipe he made for instagram, which makes his photos look cooler toned and more faded.

(P.s dm me if you want the recipe bc i made it on vsco lmao no I’m not a vsco girl don’t worry.)

- He doesn’t really use snapchat and twitter.

- Only does streaks with you and the volleyball team.

- Tiktok though, is a whole other story.

- Username: givemethecows

- Followers: 1405 (People from both tiktok and instagram.)

- Following: 200

- Bio: I make videos and shit.

- Profile pic: Bass boosted you like jazz meme (Bass boosted but photo if you get me.)

- Kageyama has this whole lowkey eboy thing going on with his tiktok.

- Most the time his videos are just a way to show his weird sense of humour or his sense of style that screams casual eboy.

- Since you forced him to get tiktok, you also forced him to learn dances with you.

- He’s terrible at those.

- Like very bad.

- He managed to break a pair of Tsukishima’s glasses while doing the renegade at break.

- And almost twisted his hips trying to throw it back as a joke.

- Needless to say it’s both hilarious and embarrassing for Kageyama.

- There are also tiktoks of him doing insane volleyball tricks on camera like the demon quick, the synchronised attack, and his jump serve etc.

- Which have gained him quite the following on the platform.

- In conclusion, Kageyama is generally pretty good at social media, but sucks ass at dancing.

4. What is Kageyama’s preferred weather?

- Surprisingly, Kageyama doesn’t like sunny weather. At all.

- For him, it’s the absolute worst thing.

- He think that sunny weather is way too annoying and hot and stuffy and gross.

- Plus, going out for morning runs in sunny weather is like wearing 10 jackets in hell.

- Like you can put on an extra layer if you’re cold but you can’t just strip naked if you’re hot.

- Oh my god he hates it so much it pains him to even think about it.

- He likes rainy days.

- Definitely not his favourite though.

- Rainy days usually mean staying home for the entire day.

- He can just laze around in his house, do whatever he wants.

- The sound of rain against glass windows soothes him.

- The constant sounds of droplets hitting the windows give him a sense of tranquility and peace.

- He will quite literally, fall asleep to those sounds.

- However rainy days do have their drawbacks.

- One of them, is having to stay home.

- Kageyama likes going for runs just to take in some fresh air, but that won’t work when it’s raining cats and dogs now will it.

- Plus, it means everything he does is restricted in his house unless he can get to an indoor gym that’s open.

- Boring.

- So he prefers windy days, when the cold breeze grazes his skin and the sun hides behind the fluffy clouds.

- It’s those days where he doesn’t have to suffer the heat that the sun brings upon him, nor does he have to suffer the feeling of rainwater dripping from the tips of his hair.

- He can do whatever he wants and still feel at ease and comfortable.

- Quite literally everything he asks for in a day.

6. Favourite music?

- Let’s be real, Kageyama probably isn’t good at music.

- He can’t dance or sing to save his life.

- However, he does enjoy how listening to music calms his nerves and gives him a chance to relax, even if he’s in a situation where he should be focused on an assignment or a piece of class work.

- People would expect him to enjoy listening to EDM or alternative rock, but no.

- This boy likes to listen to lofi and love songs.

- This doesn’t mean that his playlist only consists of these two genres, but the majority of songs in his playlist are either chill lofi beats or songs that give you the feels.

- Some of his favourite artists are Jeremy Zucker, Blackbear, Conan Gray, Billie Eilish, Lauv, Clairo, Wallows, Khalid, BENEE, Post Malone, Coldplay, Rex Orange County, Green Day, Shiloh Dynasty, Kina, love-sadKID, and the Arctic Monkeys.

- Has like 5 different playlists for different moods and events.

- One for moody times, one for study beats, one for when he wants throwbacks, one for firing him up before volleyball matches, and one for if he ever has to DJ in the front seat of someone’s car.

- Prefers to listen to music by himself.

- You’re an exception though.

- If he’s with you, you get one earbud, but he’ll be the one choosing the music still.

- You two have pretty contrasting tastes when it comes to music.

- He likes softer songs and lofi the most, whilst you prefer old rock and alternative rock. Oh and also a lot of throwback songs.

- I feel like Kageyama has definitely cried to a few songs when he was going through hard times.

- To him, listening to music is also a way of releasing all the inner conflict and frustrations.

- (Spoiler for backstory) When his grandfather died, he put Fix You on loop for at least 20 minutes.

- He was just numb, curled up into a ball on his bed, staring at the wall. He couldn’t feel anything. Nothing in his mind registered properly. All he could think of, was everything his grandfather had taught him, before he eventually passed away.

- Submerging himself into the melancholy song he was listening to, he didn’t even feel the tears that were now streaming down his face.

- The salty tears were now staining his pillow, creating little wet spots.

- He listened to every single lyric in the song, clutching his sheets harder every time the chorus came up.

- He punched his mattress repeatedly, still unable to accept the fact that someone he held so dear to his heart had just left like the wind.

- It wasn’t long until he was a sobbing mess, shaking and whimpering as he knelt on the bed.

- Silently sang to the lyrics, plopping back to his bed in defeat.

- His sister lingered in front of the door for five whole minutes, eventually leaving to let Kageyama sort out his feelings himself.

- You introduce a ton of new songs to him, since he doesn’t know that much about anything else other than lofi and sad songs.

- Just please no one let him listen to Nickleback. Please. He doesn’t need to know about it.

8. Movie that he would choose for a move nigh?

- The monthly Karasuno volleyball team movie night was finally here, and it was Kageyama’s turn to choose a movie this time, much to Tsukishima’s dismay.

- He’s put a lot of thought into this, not wanting to disappoint his teammates by choosing a shitty movie.

- He basically tried to figure out what everyone wanted to watch.

- However, everyone had very contrasting requests.

- Tsukishima wanted to watch Jurassic Park, Yamaguchi wanted a Disney movie, Hinata wanted something Marvel, Tanaka and Nishinoya wanted a horror movie, (Mainly so they could hit on you whilst you were still single) Sugawara wanted a romcom, Yachi wanted a comedy, and the others were fine with anything.

- He stressed himself out way too much trying to choose one movie.

- He finally got an idea after 3 entire days of thinking.

- And it wasn’t anything the team expected.

- Kageyama pulled up with Pulp Fiction.

- He’s seen that movie at least 5 times already.

- It was the perfect mix of comedy, gore, action, and philosophy.

- Plus, anything that starred Samuel L Jackson was worth a watch.

- Till this day, it remains one of his go to movies, alongside any MCU movie. (Captain America: The First Avenger is definitely his favourite though.)

12. Something small that they enjoy?

- One of the two small things Kageyama enjoys doing is baking cookies.

- Cookies in particular.

- I mean, there really is no detailed explanation.

- He’s pretty good at baking in general, even Tsukishima enjoys the cookies he bakes.

- Plus, he gets to dip the cookies in milk, what’s there not to enjoy?

- Another little thing he enjoys a lot is actually photography.

- Most the time, when he sees a pretty sky, or a city street at nighttime.

- He can’t help himself but snap a few photos here and there.

- Something about a well shot photo just hits different.

- Sometimes, he brings his camera out just to takes nice photos.

- Whenever you two are on dates, he’ll be able to capture candid or motion shots of when you’re just looking out the window of a bus mindlessly, or when you’re twirling around on the street playfully.

- Photos speak a thousand words, and honestly? He lives by that.

14. What is enough to bring him to tears?

- Support.

- Kageyama really needs support from someone he cares about.

- And no, not like support from his teammates.

- That’s different from hearing someone cheer from the stands.

- (Spoiler for backstory) Kageyama’s parents never gave much attention to him, since they were always busy with work. The only person that ever showed support for him was his grandfather, who passed away while he was still young.

- As if that wasn’t enough shit directed towards Kageyama, his teammates abandoned him during a match in junior high not long after the death of his grandfather.

- Which means that Kageyama now has lowkey abandonment issues.

- All through his volleyball journey he never got the support and reassurance he needed.

- He watched in envy as people from opposing teams, or even his own teammates, waved at their family members after they won or lost a match.

- All he could do was stare at the stands, hoping to catch just a glimpse of a family member.

- Nothing.

- Nobody realised how alone Kageyama felt during and after matches, until they watched him break down in tears after a particular match.

- It was the Spring Match against Seijoh, and Karasuno was playing like normal.

- Kageyama was insanely good as usual.

- What he didn’t notice then, was that you had dragged his sister Miwa to the match just so you both could cheer for him.

- In addition to that, you were also wearing his jersey.

- It wasn’t until the final point was scored, did he hear you and Miwa scream from the stands.

- Hearing the familiar voices, his head basically snapped in your direction, scanning the stadium for someone familiar, before landing his eyes on you and his older sister.

- His eyes widened for a hot second, his mind running in circles.

- Nobody has ever cheered for him.

- But here you two were, cheering for him from the stands.

- And you were wearing his jersey.

- A hand went up to cover his mouth, a huge grin spreading.

- One drop.

- Two drops.

- Then came the waterworks.

- The entire team was shocked.

- Like shookth.

- The two of you ran down to the arena, engulfing Kageyama in a huge hug.

- Best moment of his fucking life.

- From then on, the Karasuno team members made sure to notify you of any matches they had against other schools, hoping you and Miwa could go cheer.

- You two haven’t missed a single match since.

Whoooo three hours of work and going straight to Netflix at 2:30am, what a life.

I couldn’t resist I’m sorry casual or slight angst is my favourite genre of hc and fanfic-

I hope you liked this xx😗👉👈

#haikyuu x reader #kageyama tobio #hq kageyama #haikyuu headcanons #hq headcanons #hq x reader #kageyama x reader #haikyuu #hq #writing prompt

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