#which is really funny bc 1) we're friends and 2) she's got a girlfriend so we had to explain that she's lesbian married (not Actually

[sapsolais]

,

[zwiebelii]

tw death, tw lung cancer

(it's not *that* sad, but nonetheless, it's about actual human death, so tw nonetheless)

Around 2 years ago I worked at the local christmas market, and the owners of the shop I worked at were an old couple, who were really really nice. Overall, it was a very familiar atmosphere, none of that corporate bs, they also paid us considerably well, and we're just. In general really cool chill old people. It was a lot of fun working with them, and if I ever get the chance, I would like to work there again.

Unfortunately they both smoked a lot, especially the man, who was also Coughing™ a lot. Now, 1 year ago, I talked to the woman, and found out that he had been diagnosed with lung cancer. But she also told me that the chemotherapy was apparently working, and how happy she was that she could spend another Christmas with him, etc, and that’s the last thing I had heard from them, until about 2 weeks ago. Basically, she posted some pictures of him with friends and family on her WhatsApp story, as well as a picture of his tombstone, showing that he died in July of this year.

I remember seeing it while I was in the bus, and almost starting to cry, but I managed to hold the tears back, thinking I’ll deal with this at home. However, shortly after that, I started having a migraine, and the rest of the day was just lying in bed and suffering, and the whole thing kind of… didn’t register in my head? Or I pushed it back bc I genuinely really liked this grandpa, to the point where I can definitely say he is a bit of a role model for me. When I worked at the Christmas market he was already in his late 60s, and he was the type of old person that had seen and experienced so much stuff, you could ask him about ANYTHING in the world and he would have some sort of story to tell. He was also just really really good at talking and telling stories, he had at one point been part of a union and in general had been active politically when he was younger, and he was so so so incredibly kind.

Now here’s where the……. “Funny” Part comes:

His surname was “Bonk”, which is rather rare in Germany, and also just. A funny name. During the time I was working there, I had a joke going on with my friends, where I would “bonk” them on the head as a greeting (not actually hitting them, just doing the motion), and them “bonking” me back. So when I found out that my boss’ name from my first ever job was “BONK” of all things, this was fucking hilarious. Also, when he would answer a call, he didn’t say something like “Ja, hallo?”, but he would just say “Bonk.”, and me and the others working there (mostly students) would have to hold back our laughing.

And yesterday I was video calling with my boyfriend, and I had completely forgotten about the whole thing, when my boyfriend at one point mimicked the “bonk” meme - at which point it all suddenly came crashing down, and I just started sobbing uncontrollably. At the same time, this whole situation was so incredibly absurd, bc of all things that could have possibly reminded me of this, it was a MEME to finally do the trick. My bf was super worried, bc, imagine it from his perspective:

You’re video calling your girlfriend who’s doing an exchange semester abroad, everything is normal, you’re joking, then you act like you’re hitting your own head and say “bonk bonk bonk” - and suddenly she starts wailing like a baby. Poor boy got scared that something bad had happened to me 😭😭

So bc of the absurdity of the situation I just started… cry-laughing? And I managed to explain what had happened, and why I was crying, and then we just sat there laughing (while I was still crying), and just. Ahhhhhhhhhh

I’m still sad about his passing, especially the thought that I will never again talk to him or listen to his silly stories really gets to me. But the whole situation kind of… lit up how I think about this? And I think it fits right into Herr Bonk’s humor, so I like to think that if he might still be watching or something like that, he finds it funny and probably has some sort of comeback about how I’m so silly for crying at this :,)

Anyways that was a lot of rambling sjhrfgjsdhgf if someone’s still reading this, please remember to support your local small businesses and artisan shops

[bnuyy]

for my obi <3

1. tattoo parlor! i went in to get my first ever tattoo and i was visibly nervous while in the waiting area and he noticed. so he outright asks "Is this your first time?" and i nod, can't really speak bc a big beautiful man is speaking to me and my nerves are already wrecked, but he keeps smiling and carries on the conversation. "I'm here for my second, but still nervous about it. I hate needles." He speaks in such a light hearted manner and with such a gentle disposition that i started calming down enough to ask what he's getting. he says he has the sigil of his fire department on his chest and he wants to get an arm piece, some patterns he and his tattoo artist worked on designing together, and he lets me see it on his phone. he knows it will hurt a lot, but he's been thinking on it for a while and knows it will be worth it.

i tell him that he helped me calm down a bit and face this with a bit more courage, and he says he's happy to. soon it's my turn to to go and i leave the waiting area to go get started and say a quick little bye. while i lay back on the leather chair and have the design traced onto me, i'm starting to get nervous again until i look past the curtain that isnt closed entirely to see obi taking his seat on the other side. he spots me and smiles, and i smile too, feeling my heartbeat relax a little. soon we're both cringing and sweating at the pain, and my eyes are closed most of the time but when i open them to look at him, his eyes are shut tight and he's clenching his jaws in a way that is extremely attractive, and his face is bright red and shining with sweat, and he looks gorgeous even though i feel bad. he opens one eye to look at me and manages a stiff smile through the pain, and lifts his free arm to show his hand making a corna, silently communicating that he's all good. i lift mine and do the same which makes him smile wider. eventually mine is done, but his still has a long way to go since his is bigger. it felt daunting and weird, but i went and waited for him in the lobby to see how it turned out and to see if i could talk to him a bit more. the whole time i just kept going back and forth about how ridiculous this felt, how he must definitely have a beautiful girlfriend already, how he wouldnt have done the same for me, how he'll think i'm creepy etc etc. but right before i decided to leave, i see him stand from his chair and notice me, his smile reaching his eyes and once again i feel less anxious because of him. he shows me his awesome tattoo on his huge bicep, i show him mine (felt funny cause i got it on my hip and had to lift my shirt to show him even if just a little bit and i started to feel warm having him look at such an intimate part of my body with such attentive eyes) and he says i made a great tattoo buddy and helped to keep him calm, which was surprising because i felt that he did that for me. so he says the next time he gets a tattoo, he hopes i'm there too and went and gave me his number. we walked out together, laughing about how sore we felt, but happy about our new body art and the fact that we met.

2. kind of both at the same time. we talked as friends for quite a while like months as besties, on the phone and texting each other as much as possible, stuff to brighten the other's day, send something that would make each other laugh or whatever. however, the longer the nightly conversations went, the more attached we grew to each other and the tension was there but neither of us really knew what to do. casually i told him that i think he's my favourite person, and he said that i'm definitely his. i said that it's too bad because of our busy lives that my favourite person hasnt been recieving the attention he deserves, and he said the same about me. that he wants his favourite person to know that she is special to him and that he wants to give her all of his attention, his care, and his love. that last part made us both kind of pause over the phone only cause i thought i was hallucinating, but before he could wonder whether or not i hung up, i said that i want my favourite person to know that he makes me feel safe and comfortable and i want him to feel loved just as much. we can hear each other smile over the phone while mumbling sleepily little 'goodnights' and wishes for the other to sleep well.

3. we had already hung out a lot, like getting coffee together and movies at each other's places, but our first date as a couple was a little picnic by a duckpond. we laugh and talk with his head on my lap, i teach him how to skip stones, we look at dogs going on walks, and just enjoy each other's company. he makes fun of how messy i am when eating fruit, and before i can get embarrassed and pick up a napkin, his hand is on my cheek and his thumb wipes away the juice from the corner of my mouth. i stare with butterflies in my tummy when he takes his thumb into his mouth and licks it clean. his eyes seem more serious than before, but he smiles as he picks up another strawberry and says "lemme help you." and brings it to my lips. i keep eye contact while i bite it, but i have to look away while chewing bc i feel embarrassed. when i look back up at him he's still staring and still looks just as intense. he put his thumb on my chin again, but there's nothing to wipe away he just gently grabs hold of my face while he leans forward. i get bold and meet him half way, and his kisses taste like mango and pineapple. eventually i wound up on his lap with my arms around his shoulders while he has one arm around my back and his other hand is squeezing my thigh through the slit in my dress. our makeout session is cut short when we hear scuffling beside us and pull apart to see a squirrel stealing the last of our almonds and scurrying away. we just watch it leave, still holding onto each other and breathing heavy feeling all fuzzy, and all he says is "well damn." absolutely devastated to have his almonds stolen. of course i burst out laughing and he starts laughing too, and we decide that it's time to pack up and go before we're robbed of anything else.

4. if not for that squirrel i'm almost positive we would have done it right there on that blanket out in the open gjkkfjkgjk but no we did not

selfship question of the day — because i love hearing about y’all selfships?

today ladies, gents, & non-binaries..we’re talking about the past with your self-ship. give me the history of you and your boo.

1. how’d you two met? pls don’t care how long or short the answer is..give it to me !!

2. who made the first move? which one of you love birds shoot their shot first? 🤔

3. first date? how was it? where’d y’all go? what y’all do?

4. be honest bestie, y’all fucked on the first date or nah? 👀