I’m breaking my No Tumblr For Lent rule because I really have to share -
I’m 65 pages into Mansfield Park and I can’t stand Edmund. He’s objectively a Good Person (which I can already tell is going to be a rarity in this narrative), but god is he insufferable.
The Crawfords are flakes, but at least they’re entertaining flakes so far.
Austen is always scathingly snarky but this is the first time I think she comes off a bit self-righteous??
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the problem w reading tsp when my ass is not sleep deprived is that i actually have thoughts so my comment becomes a monstrosity. I AM SO SORRY!
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there's this guy in my boxing club who looks exactly like how I've pictured Telemachus and me and my unstable mind are having a hard time distinguishing what's real 🙃
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I'm so desperately bored rn. can't do anything. because all I want to do is think about Dan or Jenkins. but I don't want to let myself do that because then I'll lie down and fall asleep and the day will be over and it'll feel like I didn't do anything.
can't even watch anything. nothing feels right. I'm. so bored. I tried drawing but. nope. head empty.
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there are just so many things I want to do, I want to read 200 mangas, I want to read 150 books, I want to read all the fanfic, I want to get back into drawing, I want to write 10 fics at the same time, I want to watch all the anime, I want to knit at least 5 projects, I want to do more sports, and there is just not enough time
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Added huge swathes of color to my sleeve today and now my arm hurts.
Like.
It was an expected outcome, but still.
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Brother idk how tf I'm gonna make it to my lunch I am literally so smooth between my ears I'm not capable of doing much more than crawling back into bed for a nap lol
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I’m reading a book in Spanish in order to learn the language and I’m absolutely enjoying it, even though it’s kinda hard. I can feel it getting better day by day as I learn new words though
(the book is Cien años de soledad by Gabriel García Márquez in case you were wondering)
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my mind is in the gutter rn
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so anxious i want to throw up!!! i need to 1) schedule a meeting w/ professor 2) schedule a meeting w/ scholarship coordinator 3) finish my heat transfer homework 4) eat 5) take a shower 6) take my meds 7) refill my meds 8) study for exam but i feel so incredibly stuck
turns out avoidance behaviors DO NOT help my anxiety!!! crazy!!!
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being an extrovert is stupid bc suddenly im home alone without an activity & im so desperately sad like girl…
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have come up with a great strategy to do studies, which is to pick characters i wanted to draw anyways and fold them like a pretzel to show off whatever it is the study's for. the one problem with this though is too many characters have abs and none of them are satisfying enough for an ab study
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as an aroace person with limited sexual experience, no interest in watching porn, and poor sex ed as a teen, there IS something simultaneously funny and vaguely tragic about being 28 adult years old and realising how extremely tiny your frame of reference is for genitalia and deciding you should expand this to better understand bodies (yours and others). and then you're just there like "okay so what the fuck do I even google right now, anyway"
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all i've been doing lately is going to work, and when i'm not there i'm too sick/tired to do anything, hence being a week+ behind in coursework
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