#which is mean and unfair so im not doing it ofc

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

how is everyone feeling on this fine monday?

[deus-ex-mona]

i miss her…

[kentjohnson91]

Today we are going to discuss trades/slash free agency signings that have happened this offseason and how and why they made me upset:

Max Jones: Anaheim➡️Boston (free agency)

I love the chaos he ensued with Trevor and the other young guys

Was the first person to post about Jamie Drysdale being traded which was just a video of jamie dancing and smiling but then added like 10 thousand broken hearts

also as a bruins and red sox fan WHY ARE YOU GUYS NOT INCLUDING HIM

Zadorov and Lindholm threw out the first pitch at the Sox game the other night and Max and his wife (i think they’re married but maybe im wrong) were literally there but not invited to do that and also not sitting with the Lindholms and Zadorovs in the nice seats

It was not a numbers thing either because in like 2021 (?) they had like 7 new guys for the B’s on the field at 1 time

Nikita Zadorov: Vancouver➡️Boston (free agency)

As a Bruins fan SO EXCITED

As a fan of chaos i’m sad

Him and Myers reeking havoc on the ice together was so iconic for the short time we were blessed by it😔

Nick Blankenburg: Columbus➡️Nashville (free agency)

This was like one of very few moves i have not approved of by Mr Don Waddell

He was cooking from the start and then this happened

Like Ik he was probs gonna be in the AHL a lot but like for an undrafted defenseman he is good

He’s like 5’9” (more like 5’8 stop lying Nick) and runs around throwing hits on 6’3 or bigger guys

He’s my favorite little man and i want him back. He rounded out the Michigan group on Columbus too well.

Kevin Bahl: New Jersey➡️Calgary (trade)

Ik i say “im not a devils fan i just love him” about like half their team but like i swear its true

I need everyone to acknowledge the childhood friends to NHL teammates arc of him and the Hughes brothers and that is heartbreaking that it is no more

Also i understand it was an underpay for Markstrom but that will always happen for goalies (see Ullmark trade) so all the Devils fans acting like it was a good thing he was gone and not appreciating the time he put in there or the calgary fans mad they got him and hating him already made me wanna cry

Like GIVE HIM A CHANCE

also he just had a baby right before the trade and that means none of his NJD teammates get to see the baby and that will make me bawl (hehe bawl - bahl) like a baby no joke

John Marino: New Jersey➡️Utah (trade)

TOM FITZGERALD WHEN I GET YOU

This poor man who tends to look like a kicked puppy for no reason seemed so happy there

with Jack, Luke, Nico, Kevin, Curtis, Nate like cmon why would you do this to me

Will never cope with whatever the fuck was goin on with him and Luke honestly

WHY UTAH

Ryan McLeod: Edmonton➡️Buffalo (trade)

this was another one like the Kevin one where the fans pissed me off instantly

“the other guy was such a good prospect he was gonna develop more and play for buffalo”

i’m gonna hold your hand when i tell you that McLeod is 24 (almost 25) and 25 year olds can STILL DEVELOP TOO THIS SHIT SHOULD NOT BE NEWS HELLO???

also people who started using what his brother did as an excuse to not want him

while no one knows for sure, randomly assuming with no real reason that he had any knowledge of his brothers part in the 2018 Team Canada Scandal is so unfair honestly

and ALSO they separated him from his pookie (Bouchard) and his gay dads (Leon and Connor)

Not coping

Linus Ullmark: Boston➡️Ottawa (trade)

where do i even begin

no more hugs

no more feeding each other during post game interviews

no more eating cinnamon buns that Ullys wife made them together

no being Matt Poitras dads together

I ofc understand from the business side but it doesn’t make it hurt less

Jake Debrusk: Boston➡️Vancouver (free agency)

This one stung

we all knew it was coming but like

he’s been here his whole career

him and McAvoy were the ultimate duo

scored their first goals on the same night

if anyone saw Charlie McAvoys post about him and Grizz just know i cried for hours over that shit

Matt Grzelcyk: Boston➡️Pittsburgh (free agency)

another one that hurt a lot

once again see charlie mcavoys post

THE ONES OF THEM FROM COLLEGE TOGETHER

ENOUGH CHUCK

also no more amazing interviews with Mr Grzelcyk (Matt’s dad)

He worked in the Garden forever so Matt LITERALLY LEARNED TO SKATE THERE

HOMETOWN HERO AND A HALF

HEARTBROKEN

Anyways if i think of more im forgetting or something else happens before camp ill make another post but anyways

[blushydrangea]

im here to ask u ur thoughts in the... pj controversy ehhekekfke i wanna say smthn abt but like i feel as if i dont grasp the whole thing yet so i chose to shut up rn

hi love! under the cut so the people who are tired of discussing this topic can avoid it.

it's a long one!

i know everyone here has likely come across the tweets pj made, but as an archiver at heart i feel the need to break everything down. screenshots aren't mine.

on the 18th, pj made a tweet about fellow drag queen and artist chappell roan, questioning the authenticity of her love for drag. most people (me included!) thought she was trolling, which unfortunately didn't happen to be the case. plane appeared to be under the impression that chappell was mean or cold towards drag queens she invited to her shows, something she allegedly heard about in boston and, according to some people on reddit so take this with a grain of salt, was debunked. she followed her tweet with another, ironically saying "i love chappell roan". the first tweet was then deleted.

after several people accused plane jane of trying to gatekeep drag from women & having an unfair opinion deeply rooted in misogyny, pj released a notes app screenshot on the 19th. however, going against the purpose of most notes screenshots, hers wasn't an apology. instead, she chose to call out the hypocrisy of people attacking her because they were calling her a man (it's important to note that pj hasn't directly told us what her ood pronouns are afaik).

she made some more shady tweets after that and argued with stans on social media but i don't feel like including these, so the last update we have was this apology pj made for her fandom.

before i speak my mind on this, i just wanna say that i am willing to discuss this as long as people are polite, any aggressive messages i might receive will be promptly deleted.

to be honest, i didn't like what she said. being a person with a platform and, let's be real, several crazy stan accounts who follow her word like gospel, it was wrong in my opinion to call a growing lesbian artist (one of the very few we have, at that) performative for her love of drag. someone who also engages in the *checks notes* performative art of drag. there isn't much of a "bag" to be secured by pretending you love drag, as it's not that mainstream, and i can't help but wonder if pj would have the same criticism were chappell a gay man instead of a lesbian woman.

misogyny is real and it's present in all of us, we were all raised to see women as less than. pj is white and male-presenting with her makeup off, she isn't incapable of misogyny because she is gay or a drag queen. therefore, it rubbed me in the wrong way to see her voice out the same beliefs i've heard from other gay men before – that women deserve to be questioned whenever they exist in drag spaces. i don't agree with the sentiment that pj meant women shouldn't do drag, as she never said that. though she honestly reminded me of those men who ask me very specific and tricky questions about the tree of gondor or whatever when i tell them i love the lord of the rings. are you a true fan?

her notes app statement was what pissed me off. she was really immature imo, ofc she's only 26 so there's room for growth, but twisting a situation you inserted yourself in to seem like the victim based on... people calling you a cis man? come on. it was a self-centered statement made by someone who seemed to refuse to take any criticism on this subject matter. i was very disappointed she chose the "but you are wrong too!" route instead of apologizing to the people she hurt.

her apology to her fandom was... fine, i guess. it served to show me that she seems to be comfortable living in her bubble.

do i think she's a bad person? no, i don't. but i do think she had a misogynistic take and doubled down on it because she refuses to admit she was wrong. i'm staying away from her for the time being, i'll probably get over it eventually but rn i don't wanna see her face all that much. no judgement whatsoever to people who forgave her and are still posting about her, it's your blog, do what you want <3

[lipglossanon]

OMG MY TUMBLR KEEPS CRASHING WHILE IM TRYING TO TYPE THIS OUT RAAHHHH anyways, i saw this edit earlier of a re4r mod that like, adjusts the camera and so there’s this one clip where u can see leon just straight up manspreading and it was so hot HES SO HOT i just wna sit on his lap and cockwarm the shit outta him, you feel me?

and ofc this is gna turn into another thirst for stepbro leon bc why else wld i be here 🤭 i just imagine like, leon trying to study for college exams or smth and reader is laying on his bed, scrolling on her phone, bored out of her mind before suddenly feeling that familiar neediness springing up when she looks over at leon, sat at his desk, studying his books and notes, man spreading a lil in his chair and looking so studious, and asks, “leon..can you take a break? i need you” she says while pouting but only gets a, “no, sweetheart, i’m sorry, but finals are coming up” (this just reminded me that i have finals coming up too NOOOO💔💔💔) and ofc she’s whining and making somewhat of a fuss abt it but is just getting ignored by him which slightly annoys her before she tosses her phone aside and gets him, crawling under his arms and sitting in his lap. at this point, leon just lets her do it since she isn’t really doing much. right? WRONG. she starts to quietly whine in his ear, talking abt how much she needs him and it gets to the point that it’s annoying him that he eventually grabs her by her throat with a mean glare and a slight squeeze

“you wanna be a needy slut, huh? want my cock so bad?”

and she just nods eagerly, thinking she finally got her way as he pulls his pants down, pulls her shorts and panties down to just hang off her ankle before sliding his cock into her already soaking wet hole before cooing at her with mock sympathy, “there, happy?” but she’s just too cockdrunk to pick up on it as she nods and tries to move against him, but before she can even move so much as an inch, he’s holding her hips harshly and bruises are probably going to show up later

“you have my cock, now be a good girl and sit still, or you won’t get anything”

and she’s on the verge of crying out about how unfair he’s being before she sees the look in his eyes, as if daring her to disobey him before she meekly nods and tries her best to not move around as leon goes back to studying, thrusting up occasionally just to get a little reaction out of her before going completely still again

😵‍💫😵‍💫 brainrot, SORRY IF ITS NOT GOOD I AM NOT A WRITER😓😓 i was also having thoughts abt exec!leon fucking virgin!reader bc i can not get that one part of the fic outta my head..but that’s gna hv to wait for another time bc i hv a 5 page rough draft to write for my writing class tomorrow😀😀👍

-🪷

🪷 anon, never apologize for writing because you’re brain has beautiful thoughts 😵‍💫 😵‍💫 (and like a link to that mod vid—for scientific purposes of course 😌 😜 )

And you wanna know what’s insane?? I’m literally in the middle of writing a cockwarming fic for stepdad Leon 😱 so surprise I guess *jazz hands* 😜

But oof Stepbro Leon making her sit there while he studies for finals 🥴 🥴 I’m gonna have to take this and add it to my list (which is predominantly Stepbro Leon; he got everyone in a chokehold 🤤)

Haha no worries!! Thank you for sharing cause that’s so hot like it’s not even funny 🥵 🥵 and exec Leon is way more popular than I thought he’d be (very pleasantly surprised! 💜) and good luck with your rough draft!!! 💕

[allylikethecat]

ally!!!! you are so very mean to our poor fictional!matty i believe that u actually enjoy making him suffer

i am not kidding i’m on my period rn and i had to wait to read the update bc i saw how sad everyone was saying it was & i had to wait for all the crazy hormones to stop making me so sad so it wasnt gonna make me cry 💀 this chapter was so so sad and every time you update this fic i love it more and more!

whilst i do not appreciate fictional!george’s reaction (i understand he is overwhelmed & upset ofc but HELLO look @ how pathetic fictional!matty is rn he needs a HUG) i do understand that this was a very big shock and he needs some time to digest (but also hopefully not too much time)… also im just super excited that he KNOWS now lol i fear its only gonna get more intense for fictional!matty

also on the subject of ATKH - THEY’RE SO CUTE AND HAPPY PLS DONT LET FICTIONAL!GEORGE SCREW STUFF UP TOO MUCH … i have realised that rn ATKH is kinda ur only fic where fictional!matty isn’t currently in like the peak of his misery ..yet.

hope you’re doing well !!! 🤍

— 💌💌

Hello My Dear 💌 Anon!

I will admit that I *do* enjoy making poor Fictional!Matty suffer - it makes his happy ending that much sweeter!

Ahhh I'm sorry for hitting you with a sad chapter when the hormones are ~hormone-ing~ I really hope I didn't make you cry! And if I did I am so sorry! BUT I am very happy to hear that despite the sadness you're still enjoying it! I've been having a lot of fun working on it, especially now that I have some direction again!

That was very much *NOT* what Fictional!George was expecting to find out - he was already worrying about Fictional!Matty's delicate sobriety and apparent health issues and then to find out that he is pregnant, when Fictional!George already felt like he took advantage of Fictional!Matty during that encounter?! The guilt is very real and so is the self doubt - a lot of him lashing out at Fictional!Matty was him projecting his own self doubt and panic onto Fictional!Matty- too bad Fictional!Matty doesn't know that and also that is extremely unfair of him... but at least he KNOWS now! Fictional!Matty's secret is out in the open now! He just now needs to figure out how to tell his Mother...

Hey Infection Verse Matty isn't *that* miserable at the moment! Like yes, when we left him in the Christmas Fic he did have a stomach ulcer BUT he had just gotten engaged which was very exciting! All The King's Horses Fictional!Matty and Fictional!George are very cute and happy at the moment though. Hopefully Friday's chapter will make up for how sad the Ducklings update was. ATKH is currently my FAVORITE fic that I'm working on and I can't wait for y'all to see how their story continues to unfold! (There is a very special cameo in Friday's chapter as well that you'll recognize if you follow me here on Tumblr lol)

Thank you so much for reading and for the continued support! I'm sorry to have caused emotional pain with the Ducklings update but hopefully the ATKH update will make up for it! I hope you had a wonderful Wednesday and that you have a great rest of the week!

❤️Ally

[allamericansbitch]

So you can either ignore this whole ask or only answer certain aspects because I totally get if you don't want to.

While you were gone/your inbox was closed, there were ofc (as always) a lot of things happening in the fandom and there aren't many blogs line you that have constructive criticism (someone who can criticise taylor when it's due but not blame her for unnecessary things) so all the blogs and in general everywhere I was on (tiktok, twitter, etc) was either completely babygirling taylor for her actions or hating her for every single breath she was taking. So I have some following things that happened in the last two weeks and if you'd like to, I'd love to hear your honest opinion on them and if you think criticising taylor for these things is valid.

1. "Taylor is a mean girl because she dragged Lana on the stage when she won aoty and made fun of her since she was nominated in the same category."

2. Taylor's gonna bash/drag the hell out of Joe in the new album. It's unfair when she names songs like 'So long London' when he was there for her when the whole world hated her."

3. "Taylor (apparently) smoking at the superbowl after party in the club while she knew people were recording her is so irresponsible and she's such a bad role model for young girls when she smokes in public"

Please don't feel pressured to reply to all of these and if it makes you uncomfortable, dont reply at all :) Love you <3

I think this is fine to answer because tbh i think all of this is pointless and has no merit.

it bothers me more that taylor is friends with lana, who's a zionist and racist (also other things), and actively praised her during her speech. i feel like that's the issue people should've focused on.

Taylor has every right to write about her life and going through a breakup of a 6+ year relationship is hard for anyone, so of course she's gonna cope with it the way she knows best which is through writing. the real issue is how the fans act/react to it. they act like her emotions are just 'tea' and that they should fight anyone who does her wrong, just overall being incredibly immature and disrespecting her art and craft. it's one thing to listen to the album (what we assume it'll cover topic-wise) and be like 'oh this is why the relationship ended, this is how she felt at certain moments and im sure he also has his side', that's healthy and mature... it's another thing to be like 'he never valued her, he was terrible, joe is a terrible person i cant believe him she's so innocent and hurt' and that's the way it's probably gonna go, just immature mindsets, making blind and harmful assumptions, infantilizing her and her role in the breakup, diminishing her songwriting to map out a relationship no one truly knows about, and never actually will. they disguise their behavior as analyzing her art when in reality they're just analyzing gossip and reducing her art to feed their parasocial behavior.

she's a grown woman who can do as she pleases, there are way more important things to be angry about, from her own actions that are actually serious to just around the world.

[jaeger-pups]

Eren sending Zeke selfies when he needs some mild validation attention.

E: which is better?

Z: ?

E: which pic.

E: pick one.

E: my bad if ur at work...

Z: I'll be off soon so it's fine

Z: you look amazing in both though

E: amazing? Lol really?

Z: ofc ;)

E: yea but you always say that. how'm I supposed to believe you? 😅

Z: you never take a bad pic.

E: ur right lol. It's my good genes. From mom.

Z: ur not wrong 😏

E: you really like both tho? :o

Z: yea Eren. Ur pretty.

Z: as if you don't know lol

E: ...guess I just like hearing you say it.

E: or... seeing you type it? 😅

Z: ah. That what it is? ;)

Z: I like what you did w/ your hair. It's different.

E: me too. I finally got it down so I can do it myself.

E: Mikasa or mom used to have to help me.

Z: yea? it looks really good.

E: thank you, big brother ☺️

Z: I need to pick you up after I'm off?

E: Eh? :o what for?

Z: thought you might wanna come over? Aggravate me for a bit? 🙃

E: lol you just wanna hang out w me

E: that's so sweet 💕

Z: unless you have plans, which is fine

E: no no I'm free, heh☺️

E: we can hang out

E: hope work was ok

Z: it was.

Z: 😁better after your selfies tho.

E: 😌stoppit.

Z: im serious lol

Z: no one compares

E: hm. 😇 I have more.

Z: oh?

E: yea...

Z: sfw, or...?

E: not at all sfw actually. 😌

Z: ah. 😏 ok.

Z: so I should definitely come get you once I finish here at work, hm?

E: If I don't send them before then👀

Z: ...I've still got like twenty minutes left here💀

E: plenty of time 😇 I've got some good ones

Z: you could torture me like that w/ no reservations? Im a little disappointed, Eren.

E: you'll get over it 🤭 you love me

Z: I do. But don't think I haven't noticed how you like to use it against me

Z: I know what you're up to, little brother 😏

E: up to?? What an unfair assumption

E: I had no hidden agenda here 😭

Z: sure. Cus its not like you don't have friends you could've messaged w/ the same curiosity (if that's all it was)

E: yea but your responses are more... idk.

E: you tell me the things I wanna hear ig

E: when I need to hear them.

Z: so I'm special, am I? Lol

E: just a little ig...

Z: you're so fucking cute.

E: ✨️😇 hnngh, yea stuff like that~

Z: I mean it.

Z: better hurry w/ those pics. on my way in fifteen

E: hehe ok. I'll send the ones I took last night. They're just for you tho. Kay?

Z: right cus I've only got dozens of friends who I cannot wait to enlighten abt the nature of how close me & my younger brother have gotten 🤔

E: don't be a smartass 🫤

Z: 😅 my apologies, Princess.

Z: big brother would be honored to have a look at your pics.

E: that's better, thank you.

[omophagic-beast]

alright lets talk ttrpg goals for 2023! this post is about games im writing that i want to finish this year, ill make another one for games i want to play in 2023.

i have. so many half finished games. in fact i even have several games that are written!! they just need to be laid out and put out there. so heres the goals and the order for said goals

1- Record Collection 2K23, and the yet-unnamed game for it that ive been writing up over the past few weeks. part tarot-driven game, part... play? there’s stage directions in there in any case

its based off the four wind albums by the Oh Hellos, later on the two characters in the play only talk to eachother via lyrics from each album, moving through the seasons as they move through their story.

ofc i want to finish this one during the jam, which means by the end of january. very much pushing myself to just Get It Out There and not worry so much about it being exactly what i want, because i can always come back and update it later. its horribly (affectionate) self indulgent already so to b clear i am writing this game for Me, so the only person who needs to like it at any point is Me :3

2- There Is An Anger Inside Of You. ive been noodling at this game for over a year now, with the creation date on the word doc being may of 2021. its done!!! its finished, i swear to god, i just need to lay it out, and i already know how im going to do that i just need to *grabs myself by the shoulders* fucking do it

its a game about being angry when youre not able to express it, the struggle of keeping your anger under wraps being played out as a rather unfair game of chess. and i am going to get it out by the end of february.

3- The Lady, The Tiger, and The Accused, a hack of For The Queen based on the short story The Lady or The Tiger. its another one that is currently completely written out, but rather than laying it out and getting it out there my goal with this one is to get it formatted for playtesting. its a three player game, players taking on the role of either The Lady, The Tiger, or The Accused, and answering the prompts as such. i really love it, but it needs to be played by people and revised before ill feel comfortable declaring it finished.

also, i want to actually crowdfund and print this one, with art and editing and maybe some pretty extras and such. so my goal is to start playtesting it by my birthday, the 17th of march. after that... im not sure! crowdfunding it by the end of the year would be wild i think, since, in true For The Queen style, id love to get a gaggle of artists to draw Princess cards for it, and that takes time! so the goal is more to have it ready for crowdfunding by the end of this year, and if that happens sooner then thats cool and good!

4- Someones Simple Book of Spells Volume One: Paper. This one is also FULLY WRITTEN *sounds of agony in the distance* i just need to LAY IT OUT

and honestly since i already know how i want to lay it out lets put this one for the end of april. yes this is pretty much a game a month for the next bit but theyre all SO CLOSEEEE to being done anyways its just that final push, i could accomplish most of these goals in a weekend if i just did it so. im going to!! do it!!!

5- ok finally, one thats actually not almost finished, its The Center of the Known Universe. a small anthology of games originally started for the weird west jam but never finished.

its got some of my favorite concepts ive ever thought of though, a game about aliens freezing time in a small western town and LARPing as cowboys, two wild west wizards battling it out at high noon, a game about supernatural cowboys falling in love while experiencing all the seasons of the desert, and more. its a love letter to the small desert town i currently live in, and i want to see it come into being. im going to give myself the summer for this, lets say the goal is to have the full first draft written by september. i also would love for this one to go into print, so a secondary goal is to have it ready to crowdfund in time for ZineMonth 2024, so february of next year.

i think thats probably all the projects i can set goals for this year, october-december is always very busy for me so im not gonna set anything besides the two i want to get ready for crowdfunding in 2024, though i do have several other half written games lying about (looks nervously at my over-4000 word “ttrpg ideas” doc).

maybe ill get into the swing of actually finishing games and get to them as well! but if not thats just fine :3

you can always find all my games over on the Grey Jay Games itch.io page, and i may make a sideblog just for GJG, but for the moment all game news and stuff from me will be right here @resident-corvid​

[findursoulmateorfindyourself]

its really still a problem. i am reading mark aurel which is all about focusing on urself and pracising kind hearted not comparing urself too others not envy and so on and then this stunning stunning stunning young woman comes, dark hair teint skin beuatifuk mouth beuatofuk smile suoer young oerfect akin very beautifuk body but akk in a very subtle way. she smiles to me i smile bavk i admire her but and this sistrubs me i still envy her. i wish i had her beauty and her eaziness soorit the effortless sex appeal. next to her i feek old, wasted and kind of trying to be ridicule. i need to wear rhose toght things to he recognized I need to really ahoe my hody but she is not doing anything kf jt and still glowing. but it ahoukd he omay and i ahoukd not feek bad aboht mysekf just because she js suoer stunning. why am i doing it. its all just to put myself down. but i knkw irs a fact a fact i just oainky should accept and mkve on. be grateguk for the bidy i am in as i an prraching everyday and saying hoe much i love myself now. apparently i am not there yet. hiw can i get over it and just recognize and cherish her beuaty fulk stop. i dont hate her fir being behaitfuk i just wish it coukd be me instead. i think my kifr woukd be so much better if i looked like that but what woukd be better? i know she is a beautifuk kind soul the way she smiles gives jt off. its not like i would be taking this beautiful body and losing a beautiful character bc she clearly has it all…so what am i scared for. the man or woman I like, likes her better fir her beauty and her character? so it be, then it simply means they are a better match. if she is oreferred for something like getting into a club I am not, so it be. it is not my oath to be in this club as it is not my path to be with this person. but then how to jot feel sorry for urself as it all just seems unfair. and i think this is the crucial part. everythingabout us is beautiful if we are doing it with a compass liek mark aurek out of honesty purity and kind hearted ness every little thought ( it is okay to be jealous I am not there yet) but I am really trying. I might bit get into the club, i should say c’est la vie, and might go hoke with a fresh mind crrating something amazing. it has the same value. or does it not? therr is no such thing as objectively speaking thats why POV became such a thing i guess but yes. lets try to oretend objectively which means a lot kf opinions gathered she is getting into the club meeting tons of amazing oeiple and sancing to incredibke music. over girl going home and chilking thwre no ine cates aboht her. but it is also with what aurek says caring about what ithers think and do its espeically the problem!! I inky have my now and here out if my eyes and my heart and it is supposed to be like that. and ofc im thinkinf hundert peopke consider it to he better like this or like that basically this is how democracy works, how can I vakidate my own opinion as much as them 100 if it comes to, it is the same good to be rejected and go hike than be in the club? its the same old same okd question about. which opinion values how can i crrate my value without the measurements of others. i am always coming to this. i sint want peiple to think i am a narcisisit egoman if i dont give a fuck aboht theyre opinions amd weigh mine way higher. it is trucky to maneuver in that mindest without becomung ignorant. but at the same time i dont want to live through grow through prosper thorigh affirmation hell no that aounds like hell. i want to affirm mysekf. it is maybe because ut is the sustainabke way. when we think about rivers and flyids which i cam to visualize when we had a saying about einfluss neglej und beeinflussen which also inckudes the river interesntinfky and aurel is talking alout aboht the stream and i think it is pary of live as blood is streaming through our veines and we need ghe water and the fluids, the circulation is life. bht coming back to the asoect of sustainabikty. listen imagine your own body giving ur own body ur own bacteria ur own blood cells when we tal

lol my paragrpah was maxed oht i do too much bla bla. but yes if we i somt want to go into biologism to much i never want to dsocirmante bodies espeicalky when it comes to genetics we always have to he carefuk to not get into any natuonalism discimnating fucked up shit. but I think my own body loves theri own system the most and it csn get a lot of her own system. its a little bit maybe kets talk about skin its better. my dahrer always refused to wash us too much as babies and in general he as this pladoyer: ur own bidy crrates fat that oeitect the skin, washing it away sith oerfumed shampoo gel to then out chemical body lotion sossnt seem to be an enhancement for the skin seems pretty ligicak to me. I mean everyone has their own bekiefs and ways but I kove to appreciate what my vody creates and what my body does. I know i am talking aboht an abled healthy skin ans i know some peiple just love to smeell like thousand rose leafs. byt i find that metaphor pretty good for also souk stuff. what my own body gives to my body is because it is healthy important disclaimer sensefull and good for me. it pribably matches my needs better than any artificial or natural product which fits affirmation from outside. of course fhe cream snells nice i feek fresh but then, my bidy get used to this crram wnats more of this crram and stips crrating its own fat to protect the skin maybe. I always have to buy this cream and its exterior, it will never last. i need it nee alk the time

i need rhat affirmation it feeks good but it wont last, my own afformation whereby comes naturally fits my needs and it is independent on any outer things. and this is why the value for me of my own affirmation wighs heavier than any of other people. i feel free and i feel good avoht jt but ifc still i am here comoaring mayelf to a maybe 19 year old woman that i wikk never be and never was. and its okay like fhaf but i need ti remind myself and i am disappointed inmyself still that it affects me so much and my head us gilled aitb it instead kf kther thints. but at the same time i lay down write this down and reflect on it so i hope i pray but i also

know that the next time i get inti a situation like that ill feel differently. I see feel hear taste the world thourgh my eyes and I love that I appreciate so many good food so much so many nice music ao many beuatofuk animals buidlings chikdrens families situations ( sometimes i dont of course madness, sexism, racism exploitation hatred and injsutice of the workd) but Its all meant for me. and i need tk accept and allrecate this. trhough my mind baby through my mind and love ur mind, it diesnt mean you think her mind sucks, it is beautifuk for sure, but its her mind her life her feelings hers and its good to see ssomeone havinf it like that its just an insoiratuon and a joy if beuaty and smiles which is for free and contagious( but Its all meant for me. and i need tk accept and allrecate this.

[anakinskywalkerog]

omg no way tumblr never bothered to tell me you replied. plus why is nothing showing up in my following feed??? a bone to pick for next time ig

ahaha i missed this too you're so good with advice! ❤ and thank you hehe i have been informed the new pfp it a character calld lust from an anime called fullmetal alchemist, but i just like the aesthetic

it really is and thank youuuuu! im sure it will! *sends ✨good luck✨*

hmm i dont wanna obsess over han at all, because first of all, ELI! that would be unfair. and han is sort of crazy, anyways. i am listening to i can see you from speak now tv but i shouldnt because it reminds me of han. it also reminds me of anakin. very anakincore track. i cant help it though, i can see you is so good, although it gives more of a reputation vibe than speak now tbh. still love it anyways and thank mother taylor for it. are you enjoying speak now tv? what's your favourite track? i think im enjoying mine, mean and back to december, but everything is ofc v nice! wish we had a mine pop mix tv and some more beat to enchanted, but its perfect as it is!

yess "there will be plenty more guys 😂 trust me." that's exactly what i thought, too! like, he's here now, but someday there's going to be someone else EXACTLY like that. although it might not be so bad if i did make a decision influenced by him because he and i have a similar objective - physics/engineering degree at oxford/cambridge so its a win-win no matter which way i go ig. plus we're academic rivals. competition is the norm for us. but about intrigue with han...

"oh? whos your friend? (i asked han to pose for one of my snaps hehe) is this friend good-looking?"

... dude? like, WHAT? that sounds like pretty blatant flirting to me.

but lets not forget that once we were in the corridor and bro leaned in super close (keep in mind this was months ago and this was in the middle of like 15 other people anyways) and i leaned away out of reflex 😂 i think he looked at me later with a very patronizingly disappointed

kinda expression. i think that was a test, and i failed miserably but thats fine 💀

eli really is we even have loads of similar interests!

yw and sameee! it is hehe she even send me memes and is a pedro pascal stan (as she should. pedro pascal is an icon. love him) ! very happy with that

oh no, is everything okay? can i do anything to help? if it helps, my life is only peaceful because i am in isolation from all friends, hehe i need time to regenerate. i am an ambivert at heart. my extrovert meter needs to recharge lmaooo

also, a part of me wonders if cranberry is mad at me? basically, he aksed me to write a steamy story abt him and han (thyre best friends) and didnt want his gf to find out incase she thought he was weird (bro she already does. shes ur gf. she knows what weird she signed up for smh)

anyways i made a small oopsie. i asked some people to critique it for me, and one of those poeple may have been the girl from my diary, whos friends with cranberry's gf, and who previously told machete i liked him when i wanted it to be a scret and explicitly told her so, and the one who i knew cannot be trusted with secrets because she will tell someone and lie about it 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

anyways cranberry was annoyed (and understandably so.) he said his gf was mad at him (impossible - if she was, shed be mad at ME first cos thats how women are. better than revenge is living proof. but she isnt! ) and i get it, but then people stop being mad, right? i mean, ive been really mad at him too, for a variety of reasons. i forgave him though and he didnt even apologize like i did! but he seemed normal at prom perhaps a bit icy? a guy friend told me im overthinkinngit and while he may have been annoyed it doesnt mean hd stop being friends with me or anything, and that he definitely wouldnt stay mad because its not a big deal.

but i texted him cranberry with a pretty obvious joke and he didnt even find it funny??? like thats HIS sort of joke??? how does he ot find that funny??? my friend says he must be mad then, but says theres the chance he just didnt find it funny?

like, i get it, but i want to make amends! and i wont even see cranberry in person so i can never tell. but if he was mad, he wouldve blocked me, or left me on delivered, or just opened. but he even sees my stories n stuff!

plus his friends would be mad if something happened. like guys are super gangy like that. but his friends are not mad at all, like han and this other guy are totally normal and no one sad that. even when han brought it up the day after the whole thing, he didnt imply it was serious and just dropped it after joking around abt it.

my friend did say if i was friends with cranberrys friends, it doesnt mean they have to be mad, but what if cranberry and his gf broke up over something as stupid as a joke???? and it was my fault??? i would feel awful and i cant even tell or say sorry.

nor can i ask han over text cos then hed tell cranberry and itd be weird. and i cant ask eli cos i dont want to set a bad rep.

he texted about it and i delved into a tiny argument he said its fine but "just think more next time". i think he and han both know i didnt mean for this to happen and that it was a genuine accident, but people gte hurt over things even if they know it wasnt meant to hurt them. shoulve said no is proof of this.

but they did send me a video of them reading the story together [cranberry and his friends, it was han who filmed (i did ask them to film their reaction)] and cranberry was cracking up as he read it! if he was mad he wouldve abandoned it. but they sill seemed to love it. surely if cranberry was mad at me, then that wouldnt have happened?

jesus christ, thats LONG. i apologize for troubling you, i didnt think itd get this long! its just been on my mind :( ironically it happened yesterday just after i was so happy. ugh. boys are awful

yes haha thank youuu :) if you're okay with my constant somewhat accidental drama dumps, i definitely will :D

love you and stay safe x

hi sythe so sorry it took me so long to respond to this!

I hope all is well with Eli. but GIRL have I been listening to “I Can See You” sooooo much it’s literally the delulu girl anthem! I love it. having a little crush on Han just adds some spice!! there’s nothing wrong with a little seasoning to an otherwise boring existence 😂

I am okay 🩵 just really been struggling with my OCD lately. I hope it gets better soon.

no fuckinf WAY cranberry asked you to write a steamy story!!? girl that is NOT platonic. what are these men doing out here 😂😂😂😂 but I agree, very unlikely that he is mad at you

I love the drama dumps, I wish we could vent together for real because I have been ALL over the place with my drama lately 😅 but it’s fine, it adds the comedy. i’m watching my own life like a work of absurdism. I would absolutely recommend that strategy.

[banghwa]

Hi. Honest question because I'm struggling with it. And I know I'm not the only one because I've seen quite a few people speak up about it here. How do you manage to enjoy face and everything about it so freely without being bitter about how the previous releases were treated compared to it? Is it just your love for jimin? In which case idk why it doesn't work for me since I love jimin too. Or is it because you don't think those things are important? It's just so unfair, the way I see it. And sometimes I think maybe these things aren't that important but then I think that they might be important to the members because their art is their life and then I get sad. Idk if they themselves see what's going on, they can't be blind and not see it right?

I can't believe that it is as clear as day, the way the different albums were treated differently, and yet people pretend it's not the case (I'm not talking about you here! But you know, the fandom has always said everything was the members' choice and therefore everything is perfect which is. Not.) So how do you do it?

ooooooh please i am so bitter i just cant say anything abt it bcs im too exhausted to deal w ppl accusing me of being a solo over it :'))) im still like. rly upset over how the jitb roll out went and the thing is i know im not imagining it bcs even non-bts fans have been weirded out by the sheer irresponsibility behind it. which i think that might help ? in a weird way? the fact that it was so clearly mismanaged to the point that ppl outside of the fandom took note of it means that we are rightfully concerned about it. and every subsequent release just further proves it. so to me idk i just feel resigned. like yeah ofc we knew all along thats what this was. and i think those of us who have been into bts for a while were unfortunately not that shocked that every single subsequent release no matter how small got smt bigger than he did. like idk its a day in the life of a hoseok fan i think to me in a weird way made me relax a bit bcs like. i can no longer be disappointed lol. it also helps that i have a rly good and positive but appropriately critical circle of ppl i follow who are on one hand never shy to speak their honest thoughts while authentically enjoying other things. so its a space that makes it rly easy to feel like my bitterness and disappointment is justified all the while feeling like im still allowed to enjoy things at the end of the day im still incredibly sad that i will never have a jitb physical to play on my cd player or a photobook to look through but. idk theres nothing i can do abt it theres nothing that can be done abt it anymore. admittedly though it all makes it rly hard to buy other physicals :(( that still doesnt feel right :((

[userblaney]

racism rant part 23456786543245

the double standards are through the fucking ROOF. it actually makes me want to fucking strangle someone. if i get called 'racist, and anti white' for saying that white ppl cannot experience racism and get held back when i have another lesson????? then a pasty ass dude call me, the n word (im fucking brown anyway) IN FRONT OF A TEACHER?? AND NOT FACE ANY CONSEQUENCES??? and if i report them?? i'm 'mistaken' and hes 'just uneducated'??? number one. educate them?? number 2. thats unfair???? these incidents happened when i was 14 btw. but do u know what is even more painful?? when ppl 100% know what they are doing, what theyre saing and the meanings of theyre actions and consequences. im talking about higher ups, teachers, slt members, shopkeepers, all that. it makes me so fuckING MADDDD. im in a class with one of my friends. she has a pretty noticeable indian accent bc she yk. moved here from india less than 2 yrs ago?? but her english is perfectly understandable. yet this bitch (ofc middle aged cishet white man) decides to pretend he has no clue what shes saying. anD PROCEEDS TO MOCK HER??? the audacity he has. hes also called me the saddest and most awkward person ever for waiting for him to fimish his converstaion. which ok yeah i am, however if alex (white kid) waits for him to finish his convo before asking something. hes polite and well behaved and praised like crazy. its not much but its very worthy of a fucking boot in the face. and if i report him?? im disrespectful. ofc i am. its jus banta inni. cant u take a joke? NOT IF ITS FUCKING RACIST I CANRT. oh yeah dont even count the number of times ive been called paki. another huge thing, im sure poc would relate to (specifically 1st gen immigrants) is being underestimated like fucking CRAZYYY dont even lieeee. when i was in primary, i was rlly good at readinf so like everytime i had a sub or wtvr yeah theyd always b like omg ur english is so good!! no shit i was born here. ur accent is rlly welsh omg i thought itd be different!! no shit i was born here. do you understand what that means?? yeah dw. my personal fave is one where ur doin sumt wrong or zoned out like ill give u an example. the local co op makes a queue for the skl kids since its right by our skl and i was waitin once bc i had to get milk n eggs on my way home innit then. i had a major migraine so i was zonin out all day and i happened to zone out while second in the q. then i was allowed in then for abt 30 secs i dint realize, then atp someone nugded be from behind so. i went in. then the security guard asked me if spoke english??? even tho id spoken to him on previous days bc im a rlly regular visitor???? anyway long story short, id been called a 'fuckin immigrant' but yeah. i'm just mad bc how can ppl who we are supposed to trust treat us like that and thing thats ok????? yeah its nutn new k bye

[salt-volk]

post 705470921409019904   bc u have to PAY for monthlies u cant just earn them from gameplay. we need item that are easy to get yet also go up in value over time. every other game i play has these thing as a reward for long term & consistent players!

if the ONLY shit that retains value is premium/paid content then of course the economies fucked bc the only ppl who can make longterm value investment are those who are already well off. limited/retiring item earned from special prizes, chance event, quests, & gaemplay are essential for allowing ftp players to still get itmes that appreciate in value & be able to keep on par with premium paying users (bc then even if they dont spend money they can still have item that ppl will want).

part of dvs economy being so shit is bc u cannot "play the market" much the way u mgiht some other games. literally nearly every item is either 1. completely worthless junk that will return every year & already exists in abundance OR  2. its paid premium shit that only gets traded for other paid premium shit. rarely are there any "mid tiere value" items in between that can be leveraged by folk in the middle.

i think in retaliation to customs & monthies seeming too inacessible we went so far in the other direction that now all other items is TOO acessible which only makes the problem worse (if the ONLY valuable items are super hard to get or paid, then its impossible for ppl who dont have acess to those to "work their way up". if this was balanced by having more free/cheap to get yet also valuable items, then custom & monthlies would actually become MORE  acessible to the avg player bc they could get their hands on non-monthly non-custom items that still genuinely have value & could be traded for higher value thing.)

limited item does not always = bad & exclusionary. it can be a part of healthy economy & even a way to help limit exclusivity by giving ftp players economic mobility just for actually playing the game.

i think when ppl talk abt wanting more limited items they mean stuf like this. not more monthiles. but shit that can serve as ACTUAL reward for gameplay. right now participating in event, story quests, & even getting random chance pop up are all boring/un exciting bc once u have one set of the item thats all u ever need, theyre all worthless, retain no value, & nothing feels like an actual sruprise or a reward. theres no incentive to participate bc everything is easy & already handed to u.

dv userbase seems to be such weird mix... ppl who want to own every single item in the game with no effort & no exclusiveity but then also complain abt there being nothing to do, no long term gameplay goals, event reward feel lacking, & how boring it is between content drops. but usually part of the motivation/goals & participation feeling worthwhile on other games is BC u have to work a lil to collect things. exctiement of earning prize that gain in value, making sure ur present to collect event rewards bc the ones will be diffrent next year, new itme u strategize to trade for. & when u lack all of that ofc its gonna feel more boring.

tho obv thats not main issue with the site & im not sayin anyone is wrong for feeling that way i thinkit can def be hard to strike balance between "enough exclusivity to feel fun & motivating" vs "so much that it just feel unfair" but my point is just that right now we really need some "mid tier" limited items (that ARENT locked behing million potatoes worth of item alchemy lmfao) to balance the market & put free player on equal footing in the economy. stuff that appreciates in value & makes rewards actually feel special/worthwhile bc one day u can trade/sell it for something cooler! yk?

idk as a ftp player myself to me at least that would help playing dv actualy feel worht it.

[the-sun-princess]

Emi Plays Revue Starlight: El Dorado Part 11

MAHIRU TIME IM GON BE INSUFFERABLE.

ESP SINCE TRUE ROUTE TIME YEEHAW

claudine :) also there's much less frustration this time around

kaoruko akjshdf...ofc i spoke too soon

nana's in shock

junna....it's ok nana's a wimp

everyone who plays miguel is happy to get his role lol even tho he doesnt do THAT much

ofc karen, maya, and claudine jump into an etude as miguel, cavallero, and carmencita respectively (will carmencita get to Do something this time?)

i love you mahiruuuu

she's givin first years supplementary lessons in (i think singing)

nana pls mahiru's always been the cool senpai/older sister type. even if she can be insecure

kill nana time

it's been 500 years she deserves this

THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYIN

I have the bg music to go down real low when they're talking bc i cant fuckin hear it otherwise and since it was such a long line i thought the music stopped completely for mahiru to say it

amemiya's kinda sad nana's not writing anymore (At least for seisho) and i guess isnt in the know of nana going to england instead of the new national troupe so at least she wont have to pick between acting and writing yet. i think

hikari mention

GIRL U GO TO ENGLAND AFTER THIS AKJFH

mahiru wins at being better at english than nana

oh mahiru didnt even NEED amemiya's suggestion to visit a beach this is why she's better than everyone

NANA kjhskjgh

THEY VISIT MAHIRU HOME i was HOPING for a hokkaido beach

i am Not used to hearing men in starlight that arent the giraffe (or andrew) this is fucking Wild. ...i think the brothers are shogo, asahi, and ake (shogo sounds like one and asahi and ake used boku) which leaves yuuhi and mayo as the lil sisters

azuki bean throughline

hell yeah you are

thar far

is this farther away than kaoruko's beach (i mean it is already bc theyre in hokkaido) but in time spent Walking to it-

lesbian flag beach

shkfjhskjdfh

girls u have all spent too much time with claudine stop referring to ur partners as her akjhfd

gay wording

hmm why is nana unfair tho mahiru....bc she said she won't let u win that easily

hm hm

i like that mahiru's not asking what the feeling is

anyway hiii judy

you seem a lot more smug than put off this time around, kaoruko

oooooooooo

nana and mahiru are actually standing against judy pretty well, they aren't nearly as frazzled n taken aback as the others have been and are improvving back. amemiya's all squinty at it

judy still slices their cloaks tho.

oo junna english

hmmm

mahiru didnt rlly sound out of breath from the improv so much as she sounded kinda panic-attacky. but gf karen to the rescue

i love u karen

image limit

<<part 10 part 12>>

[ashmp3]

okay re: ur vocal note/rant bc ofc i listened i have issues yeah omg i put it on in the background like a little podcast

and like i am sooo with you on this 😵‍💫 like its so unfair abt how a girl will take out her insecurity and anger at a guy and put it onto ANOTHER girl instead of the guy!!!! like be mad at him like it just sounds so 16th century witchhunt that apparently the guy isn't responsible for who he wants to sit and talk to and rather theyre mad that another woman is trying to charm and bewitch him like boohoo sorry u only see other women as competition and also u sound like a better person than me bc best believe if i was friends w a girl and she acted like that i would be playing breakup playlists and sulking and ripping my hair out and writing w a glitter red gel pen abt all the curses that i want to befall her bc there is nothing worse than being a girls' girl and then being hated by other girls!!!!!!!!! (esp bc of a man) feels like hell is a pit in ur stomach!!!!!!!!

and to insert myself omg i graduated hs a year and a half ago now but even from then until now ive had the same friend group which is a group of guys and for no other reason than that i genuinely like them and theyre like a group of brothers to me and we vibe but the hatred from other girls is literally heartbreaking 😭 bc every so often i would hear in high school abt 'oh xyz from this group of girls called u a pick me and talked abt u and said u want male attention' which is a batshit crazy take bc everyone knows that i preferred women anyway like wdym im not gonna date any of those guys in my group we are friends...just friends....and once in y10 this guy was obsessed w me and he was like a millionaires son and popular and i was shy and kinda intrigued so i dated him for a little while but 16 year old me would hear comments 24/7 in the hallways abt how i was some slut for doing it (it being dating him) which is crazyyyy bc every single one of these comments came from girls (and girls who i knew liked this guy)

so like omg yes to agree w u on everything nothing is more infuriating and annoying as hell when like girls forgo ur friendship and ur good intentions and just the overall sisterhood vibe bc theyre mad some guy is into u...like even if ur not into him back 😭 sorry for the long ass ask

call her daddy count your days call her ashmp3 is coming to take over ur little podcast…

i KNOWWW but genuinely she doesn’t have any reason to be mad at either of us? like he sat next to you because you dragged him there and then all you did was bat your eyelashes and giggle and i know she’s shocked that this didn’t work because she is really so pretty and men kneel down just to talk to her. And i am sure the guy doesn’t even like me i think I was intriguing to him and we hit it off well so of course it might look like that. also she knows i don’t even want him she KNOWS who i got my eyes on so i was just so shocked at her behavior.

also the whole thing about breakup playlists and red glitter pen i love you you are so funny and expressive i giggled… And yeah i don’t do that i’m like oh well moving on. I don’t like dwelling on things, and i don’t get sad i get mad. Mad because as you said, being a girls girl and then it flipping on you is just aggravating.

PEOPLE DO THAT ALL THE TIMEEEE like why is it so hard to believe that you see them as friends and they see you as a PERSON that’s their FRIEND no i’m telling you it’s girls that see attention from a guy as a confidence boost or confirmation that they are worth something which is all fucked up and not normal way to think about yourself… But i think the deep insecurities just come from the place of wanting to be accepted. And they can’t understand that you hanging out with your friends doesn’t mean anything more because they themselves couldn’t do it aka they would try and flirt… So u get hated on bc they project themselves and think what they would do. FUCKED UP!

i had that happen with another cancer guy and in hs and still now i don’t have instagram facebook nothing i am a monk in a body of a baddie. But i remember my friend showing me profile of random girl and saying “she hates you and talks shit about you bc of cancer guy” like you don’t KNOW ME. Hate HIM lmfaoosjdjsjs i mean don’t hate anyone… Crazy

and 🫂🫂🫂 long asks are always welcome and thank you for listening to my rant and i am sorry you went through things like this bc it’s truly heartbreaking being reduced to a “pick me” just because you don’t act shy around just some guys.