#which is like. huge win!!! for me with my social anxiety especially. it was a good day...

[links-studies]

NOOO I WAS BUSY HANDLING LIFE STUFF FOR MOVING THAT I LOST MY STUDY STREAK 😭 I just finished one of my most major tasks on Monday so I haven't had anything immediate to work on either and aaaaaargh

[yakool-foolio]

Hello, give me one for Danganronpa, Ace Attorney and Rain Code of that character ask. (angel wants to know if Yomi anf Kristoph go to super hell)

A package deal! You've sold me on the chance to ramble about so many characters. You opened the floodgates, now you're in the splash zone!

Danganronpa: Blorbo - Shuichi Saihara (No surprises here) Scrunkly - Kiibo (He's so cute man, every time I think about his blushing sprites or him wanting to be a singer I crumple up like a napkin) Scrimblo bimblo - Tenko Chabashira (She deserves so much more love, the writing did her so damn dirty by hiding all her motivations in FTEs. I will never forgive Kodaka for this) Glup shitto - Tsumugi Shirogane (She's my favorite mastermind I don't care what anyone says about her! Anyone who calls her 'one-dimensional' talks like they're stuck in the killing game behind the screen! But I know better! MY DAD WORKS AT NINTENDO!) Poor little meow meow - Nagito Komaeda (Only considered controversial because of what the fandom has done to this poor guy. He's no doubt one of--if not the--best character Kodaka's ever written, and yet I must helplessly watch as he's reduced to 'haha I like hope and I'm crazy,' which is a huge disservice to his complex and well thought out story. Sadly it's a symptom of him being dragged outside of his context by pop culture.) Horse plinko - Junko Enoshima (I dunno, she probably wouldn't mind it) Eeby deeby - Nagito Komaeda again (I had to look up the exact meaning of superhell for this. And honestly he kinda did that to himself. Now wake up Nagito and go get your man so ya can live on that island together!)

Ace Attorney: Blorbo - Kazuma Asogi (Whoops he stole the top spot from Apollo, but believe me I think about him a lot too, especially cause he wins the relatability category; social anxiety go brrrrrrr. Yet no character has had me go more feral than Kazuma and I still have a TON on my mind about him that I really need to put to written word someday.) Scrunkly - Ron DeLite (MY SWEET LIL GUY! I'd let him steal all my valuables cause he's just too darn cute!) Scrimblo bimblo - Bobby Fulbright/The Phantom (The best final case culprit for the best final case in the entire series, I will not waver in my opinion! Bobby is such a fun detective, nearing the heights of Sholmes, while also being revealed to be the identity-stealing assassin I've always dreamed of. I will run in circles forever thinking about this amalgamation of a character. Now if only he was given any official merch...) Glup shitto - Satoru Hosonaga (If Hosonaga only has one fan then that's me! If there's ever a TGAA Investigations game, he better make a cameo someway somehow!) Poor little meow meow - Matt Engarde (This could've also gone to The Phantom but it fits Matt thematically cause he's very orange cat coded to me. My first 'uh oh my favorite character is a murderer aren't they' moment in Ace. And it would not be the last.) Horse plinko - Mael Stronghart (I hate this dude I hope Klint and Genshin are beating him up as ghosts.) Eeby deeby - Kristoph Gavin (If I had a nickel for every time I turned a dynamic between a mastermind antag and a mentor figure into bitter exes cause it somehow makes their relationship more interesting than it already is, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.)

Rain Code: Blorbo - Yakou Furio (What blog do ya think you're even lookin' at right now?) Scrunkly - Shinigami (She's really adorable in her blob form with how she emotes, and she's a sweet person under all her snark!) Scrimblo bimblo - Melami Goldmine (The more I think about my personal interpretation of Vivia's backstory, the more I love Melami by association since she's got a lot going on with her as well. I'd kill to learn more about her history and if she's had any canonical affiliation or interaction with Vivia. I need them to be business partners!) Glup shitto - Nun (What's not to love about a cat-eared nun who runs a death metal choir at the church? I'd go to one of her performances any day!) Poor little meow meow - Hitman Zilch (I got real sad over him dying because I thought we'd lost the best antag in the entire game AND WE'D ONLY JUST BEGUN. This hitman has altered my brain chemistry forever and there's no cure.) Horse plinko - Dr. Huesca ("It's what he deserves," I say calmly and rationally through gritted teeth as my fist clenches and trembles with rage.) Eeby deeby - Yomi Hellsmile (If I had a nickel for every time I turned a dynamic between a mastermind antag and a mentor figure into bitter exes cause it somehow makes their relationship more interesting than it already is, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.)

[nickeverdeen]

Hiiii, I’m a huge fan of your work!! I was hoping I could get an Arcane matchup?

About me:

I’m Female, bisexual, but don’t really care for pronouns. I dress more on the feminine side when going out, but dress very masculine when I’m home or with people I’m comfortable with. I’m Enfp, but often take a lot of alone time to myself, and struggle with some social anxiety. I often deflect a lot with humour, especially if it’s my own issues/traumas, and I hate talking about vulnerable feelings with others, but I’m an overall open person with anything else. I’ve been told i give good advice, and I’m always willing to help a friend, although I have a bad habit of going M.I.A. Or just not talking or hanging out with people for periods of time. (Sometimes I forget, I’m kind of like a cat?? I come and go) I usually dress feminine to look nice because I grew up learning that self image is very important, so I often feel pressured to look nice whether for respect or how I’m perceived, but I feel most comfortable in casual and masculine clothes. (I feel like I’m wearing a costume or not myself when wearing very femme clothes most of the time, but sometimes I like the way it looks)

My hobbies include Drawing, writing, and reading, but I’m also academically gifted, but hate studying. I have adhd, depression and ptsd, which probably is why I’ll sometimes go m.i.a. I also have really bad issues with intimacy and attachment, but I’m working on it lol. I like annoying and teasing those I’m close to, and debates/arguing with friends.

Also, despite my generally lax and carefree attitude/front I know when I need to get serious, especially for others. Currently I’ve had to step up for my family and take care of the house and my siblings while my dad works most of the day because of some recent events a few months ago (basically a step in parent). I also struggle a lot with feeling selfish or like I’m not doing enough to help my family.

Sorry if this was a lot lol. Thank you!!

Sour Arcane match is…

Caitlyn Kiramman

Caitlyn’s composed and steady nature would provide a grounding presence in your life, helping you navigate your social anxiety and moments of self-doubt

She’d constantly remind you to take breaks from your responsibilities, even scheduling quiet evenings together where you both unwind with tea and a good book

Caitlyn would adore your teasing nature and would often respond with witty comebacks that leave you grinning

She’d completely understand your need to go M.I.A. sometimes, leaving you space but still checking in with thoughtful messages like, “I’m here when you’re ready.”

Caitlyn would love seeing you comfortable in your masculine clothes when you’re at ease, but she’d also admire the effort you put into dressing more femme when going out

She’d compliment you either way, often saying, “You look stunning no matter what you wear.”

Caitlyn would quietly observe you drawing or writing, fascinated by the way your mind works

She’d often ask questions or request to read your work, genuinely appreciating your creativity

She’d enjoy engaging in debates with you, finding your perspective both challenging and refreshing

She’d occasionally let you win just to see your smug grin, though she’d never admit it

Caitlyn would carefully and patiently help you navigate your discomfort with vulnerability, creating a safe space for you to open up at your own pace

She’d surprise you with little acts of care, like fixing you tea while you’re writing, tidying up when you’re busy, or even bringing flowers after a tough day

You two would often share quiet, intimate talks under the stars, where Caitlyn listens attentively to your thoughts and feelings

Caitlyn would admire your dedication to your family and would want to help wherever she can, even if it’s just lending a listening ear about your struggles

Though Caitlyn is gentle with you, her fierce protective side would surface if anyone made you feel unsafe or disrespected

She wouldn’t hesitate to stand up for you

Caitlyn would take subtle inspiration from your artistic side, often asking you to teach her how to draw or write

She’d be terrible at first but would enjoy the bonding experience

Caitlyn would match your humor with her own understated wit, enjoying the way your laugh lights up the room

Your favorite dates would involve visiting cozy bookstores or art galleries together, holding hands and sharing thoughts about what you see

Caitlyn would gently push you to confront the guilt you feel about being “selfish,” reminding you that prioritizing yourself isn’t a bad thing

On rainy days, you’d find comfort cuddling on the couch, Caitlyn’s arms wrapped around you as you listen to music or watch something lighthearted

Your sarcastic jokes would keep her on her toes, and she’d always be ready with a clever retort

Caitlyn would admire your ability to step up when needed, seeing in you a kindred spirit who values responsibility and care for others

No matter how much you doubt yourself or pull away, Caitlyn would remain a steadfast presence in your life, reminding you of your worth through her actions and words

[90spumkin]

P.S. If This is Spencer, I’m Sorry

Summery: When Spencer tries to reach out to an old flame, but gets her voicemail. He wasn’t expecting it to include him.

A/N: okay so I’m not a huge country music fan, but I love the song Austin by Blake Shelton. I probably didn’t do the song justice, but I tried. The voicemails kind of go a long with the song, but of course I changed them. It is obvious I was never meant to be a song writer lol. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this!

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

Warnings: swearing

Word Count: 1184

Spencer wasn’t someone who was known for having much luck with the ladies. Most of the time they overlooked him, especially when he was friends with guys like Derek Morgan. However, Spencer wasn’t envy of this fact he just took it in stride. But Spencer has had partners some his friends knew about and some that were not so well known.

Y/n was one of those not so well-known partners. Spencer had met her on a case in Austin, Texas. She had been the lead detective on a cult case and had been the one to suggest they needed the BAU’s help.

During the case Spencer didn’t pick up on the social ques very well, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t notice every smile and every time her arm or leg brushed against his. Derek and Emily of course teased him about it, but Spencer just wrote it off as them just teasing like normal.

It wasn’t till the end the case Spencer thought there might be something there. The team was staying another night due to the case wrapping up so late. Y/n had suggested the two of them go get a bite to eat together. Spencer agreed and to this day would say it was one of the best nights of his life. They had laughed and cried, ending the night wrapped in each other’s arms. That next morning when Spencer woke to someone banging on his door, he realized he was alone. Y/n had snuck out sometime while he was asleep, and Spencer never saw her again.

A few years later they were called back to Austin for another case. Spencer couldn’t help but to ask about y/n. His heart cracked when he was told she had transferred to another state and had not told anyone exactly where. This didn’t settle right with Spencer and he rolled everything over in his genius mind. Played back that night over and over. Analyzing her behavior down to every detail.

It was around noon on a Tuesday when an idea hit him. It was a paperwork day and Spencer had been done for about an hour or so already. He rushed to Penelope’s bat cave as fast as he could without raising alarm for the other profilers in the room.

“You want me to do what?” Penelope looked like Spencer had just walked in wearing a clown suit…again…that’s a tale for another time.

“I need you to find y/n /y/l/n phone number. The detective from the cult case in Austin, Texas a few years ago.” Spencer was trying to keep his voice from becoming too high pitched but failing tremendously.

“I’ll tell you what boy wonder. I’ll do this favor for you AND keep it a secret from the others, as long as you tell me everything that happened between the two of you.” Penelope smirked knowing she was going to win this one. Spencer gave in and told her everything, which made the goddess of gossip’s heart hurt for the boy genius. He really liked this girl.

As soon as Penelope dug up y/n phone number Spencer didn’t waste any time. It rung several times before going to voice mail:

If your callin’ about the add it’s over.

If it’s Tuesday night I‘m shopping.

If your selling insurance, please don’t. I’m not buying.

If it’s anyone else, please wait for the tone.

P.S. If this is Spencer, I’m sorry.

The phone fell to the floor. Spencer couldn’t believe it. It had been so long and only one night. Penelope picked the phone up off the ground and hung up.  No words were passed between the two just a much needed hug.

Spencer spent the next couple of weeks running the voicemail over and over in his head. What was she sorry for exactly? For leaving that night? For breaking his heart?

He made the decision that he wasn’t going to call her again. He couldn’t have his heart broken again. All these years he told himself it was a meaningless hookup, maybe that would work again. And it did work, for a few days.

He somehow talked himself into calling her just one more time. He was in such a frenzy about the end of her voicemail that he just had to talk to her. It took him two hours to get the courage to call her. He wanted to say the right thing and not screw it up. He dialed her number and waited patiently for it to start ringing. Before it could finish ringing a full ring Spencer hung up. He hadn’t thought that maybe she was in a different time zone then him, she could be sleeping.

So Spencer waited till about 8 am the next morning to try calling again. It rung a total of three time when he heard y/n’s sleepy voice say, “Hello?”

Spencer freaked, hung up, and threw the phone down on the coffee table. She had answered and Spencer had wussed out. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. He was acting like a crazed teenager to afraid to call his crush. He was a grown fucking man, why couldn’t he just talk to her?

He made the decision that afternoon at lunch to try calling again. Once again Spencer listened to her ringtone before getting her voicemail once again:

If it’s Friday I’m working.

If it’s Saturday I’m sleeping, and if nothing happens

I’ll be dead to the world till Monday.

I’ll call you back… maybe.

P.S. If this is Spencer, I’m sorry.

This time Spencer left a message saying, “Hi this is Spencer Reid. I- umm- I can be reached at

702-555-0103.” He hung up not saying another word, hoping that maybe she’d call him back. He tried not to get his hopes up, he knew it was a long shot. Just because she said his name in both voicemails didn’t mean she actually wanted to talk to him. His brain came up with many logical reasons and situations to why she would say his name followed by ‘I’m sorry’.

When Monday rolled around Spencer was full of nervous energy and anxiety. His friends just thought it was from his extremely high coffee indulgence and cut him off. He actually had to beg Emily for ‘Just one more cup. Please!’.

He tried not to check his phone to often. Especially since his beloved profiling team was already on edge about his anxious behavior. Even though with his best efforts, Spencer couldn’t help but jump and all but dive for his phone when it started ringing. This of course caught the attention of his teammates and he just tried to ignore them all as he checked to see who was calling. He answered and this is what he heard:

If you were callin’ about that night I’m sorry.

I would take back my leavin’, I promise.

I should’ve listened to my heart and stayed a little longer.

I think I know where I belong now.

Again, I’m so sorry.

And by the way Spencer I might love you.

*

*

*

@criminalmindzjunkie​ @brooklynxnicole​ @hendersonsshadow​ 

[icemankazansky]

Hey Carly, hope your week’s been good. So, I have a quick question and this one might be a bit out of your usual stuff. I’ve been reading a lot about your zodiac Sun, Rising, and Moon headcanons (opinions? ideas? I’m not sure which you prefer calling them) about Iceman, which I absolutely love. First, I want to state that I am a HUGE Icemav fan (got into this fandom after seeing TGM for the first time). Second, I was wondering what Charlie’s zodiac sign was, since based on her personality and the decisions she makes throughout the movie. So I was wondering if you could possibly give your opinion on what Charlie’s Sun, Rising, and Moon would be? If you struggle with answering this question since it’s outside your mind palace on Top Gun, that’s totally okay. (I totally get it, since I truly think she’s a lesbian ;), Icemav fucking wins, and I truly love Ice as a character too) I just gotta know what her zodiac headcanons could be.

Hello! Oh, man, I cannot tell you how much I love when people ask me to indulge in my little zodiac headcanons. I'm so excited!

The second you asked me this question, I immediately thought AIR SIGN. Air signs are known first and foremost for their intellects and the way they think: They are very rational, logic-based, and objective thinkers. They are also socially intelligent, which sometimes shows itself as someone who can talk to anyone, a social butterfly, but I think across the board air signs' social intelligence really means that they know how to play the game. Air signs usually make good leaders and don't have a hard time getting people to follow them, because air signs know how to work people. (I realize how manipulative this sounds, and it can be, but think of it, overall, more like someone who is naturally musical. They just innately understand how rhythm works, they have an ear for key, etc.)

But there's a flip side to all of this. Air signs are rational thinkers, but this often means that they have low emotional intelligence. This presents not only as someone who can be cold and distant, but also someone who doesn't understand their own emotions. The downside to their social intelligence is that they often have difficulty forming deep interpersonal relationships. They know how to talk to people; they know how to work people socially. And they do it as default. Think of the most popular girl in school who doesn't have a single real friend because that takes a different kind of work, a different set of skills.

Charlie Blackwood: Libra Sun

Libra is an air sign. It is represented by the scales, and Libras crave balance. This can often result in control issues and anxiety, because it's very difficult to balance everything, especially when you can't do it all yourself. (Libras will definitely try to do it all themselves, though. If you want something done right ...) Libras are also often serial monogamists. Your friend who is never single longer than a couple days? They likely have a prominent Libra placement. They always want a romantic partner, but they don't necessarily know exactly what it is they want from one, and since there's no right answer (and Libras always want a right answer) and forming deep interpersonal relationships is so difficult ...? They make some bad choices in that department. It's not disingenuous. Libra wants to be in love. They want romance. They just don't necessarily understand how to do that. So you get poor matches like Charlie and Maverick that are made quickly without really getting to know the other person first. Charlie likes the idea of being in love with Maverick, but even if they were well-matched—they are not—she doesn't know how to make that happen. She repeats Carole's words to Goose to Maverick: "Take me to bed or lose me forever." She wants what Carole and Goose have, and she's attracted to Maverick (air signs tend to be attracted to fire signs—I headcanon Mav as an Aries—probably because they're very much what air signs are not), but she's working this problem like an equation, and love doesn't work that way.

Libra Rising

Your sun sign is your core personality. Your rising sign, or ascendant, is how people first perceive you. A lot of people talk about it like a mask, and that metaphor does work because usually when you're consciously putting on a front when you're somewhere for the first time, or you're in a professional setting or somewhere you feel uncomfortable, etc., that front is your ascendant. (For this reason, many people think that your rising sign becomes less relevant as you age, because you run out of fucks, but there are physical characteristics and a general vibe that go with rising signs, so I'm not quite sold on that.)

This one was difficult for me to decide for Charlie, because I think she comes off warmer and more accessible than she actually is, but I am very sure that Charlie has a water and probably a fire deficit, and that's where I would normally go for those things. After some consideration, I'm going to go with Libra rising. When your sun and ascendant are in the same sign, it's basically what you see is what you get, but as I discussed above, Libra knows how to play the game, and they appear more sociable, even-tempered, and personable than they may actually be.

Virgo Moon

Your moon sign reflects your emotional world. As I mentioned way up there, your sun sign is going to determine a lot about how you process and understand emotions, but your moon sign gives you the flavor of that emotional world, whether you process or understand the emotions you're having or not.

Virgo is an earth sign. Earth signs are similar to air signs in that they are intellectual and tend to think logically rather than emotionally. They are grounded (yeah, I know, but that's part of the reason they're called that, okay?), feet planted on terra firma. They tend to be a bit rigid; they like order and tradition and they have certain ways they like things to be done, and god help you if you deviate from the "right" way. Virgo has a lot of similarities with Libra, in that they're both always trying to find balance, but Libra vacillates, always unsure, always anxious about the scales tipping. Virgo knows the scales will tip, and Virgo is keeping score. Also like Libra, Virgo thinks things will only be done properly if they do them themselves, and they will try. Virgo in this placement brings a sort of orderly detachment to emotion: Virgo will label the emotions and put them in little boxes, but shy away from the notion of actually feeling them. This results in someone who is composed and difficult to get a rise out of ... until they aren't, and then they're just going to let everything out at once. Because they don't really understand their emotions and, frankly, are kind of pissed off that they have to deal with them at all, most Virgo emotional outbursts are characterized by some anger or frustration, even if that isn't the nature of the emotion that's troubling them.

This was fun! Thanks for asking.

N.B. A few years ago, I did some graphics with the boys' big three on them, and I classified Ice as a Virgo Moon. I want to go on record that I have given it more consideration and my opinion is Ice is a Scorpio Moon. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[yourstormthlaylirahh]

Watch List | September ‘22

Watch list tag game :) Tagged by @25shadesoffebruary and @dragonsareawesome123

Currently Watching (Binging)

Checkmate I love Agatha Christie and I am loving how they are adapting her stories so far! I find Poirot a bit irritating (I’m more of a Miss Marple fan) so I have been greatly loving Si Tu Yan especially in the Poirot parts - he is a huge improvement. I am not very familiar with the Republic Era of China so it is giving me lots of things to research later.

Currently Watching (Airing)

About Youth which is so good! The characters are so soft and layered and have very different conflicts, and I am loving watching them support each other

The Eclipse also phenomenal! I love how aggressively P’Golf and the scriptwriters are being with their political/social commentary, and both First and Khao are such fantastic actors. Every time Khao cries a piece of my heart dies forever 

180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us this is shaping up to be one of my favourites of the year, it has a very moody-queer-film vibe with highly complex characters and relationships

Takara-kun to Amagi-kun I am warming up to this one, I was pleasantly surprised with the very frank discussion of readiness for sex, sexual boundaries, and how much care Takara-kun is showing in his understanding of consent. I really value seeing these kinds of open and honest discussions becoming more commonplace in media for teenagers, it reminds me of a similar storyline that recently ran in the Heartstopper comic. 

Girlfriend Project Day 1 (I know it’s technically not airing but it only ended this week so I am keeping it in this column because I haven’t completely finished the last ep) I am enjoying it a lot, they did an absolutely fantastic kiss scene which I wasn’t expecting, so that was nice. It’s retreading the same ground as Love Class, and I wish it had the same run time as that series so I could compare and contrast the 2 series better, but alas. The curse of painfully short GLs.

My Only 12% Cake is the best character of all time, he is such a kind and caring friend. I am scared the whole time watching this show because I am waiting for it to trample my heart because Wabi Sabi.

Vice Versa I am a bit behind on this and having been watching through gifs for the last couple of eps tbh. I am having trouble letting go of my expectation of a more sci-fi based show featuring lots of archery. If I can manage to do that I think there is lots to enjoy for what the show is, my expectations were just simultaneously drastically different and extremely high.

Still airing but on hold: Coffee Melody, War of Y and On Cloud 9

Not BL, but I am going to start the new Bee & Puppycat today, which I am very excited for

Rewatching:

Bad Buddy with my cousin

Looking forward to:

Never Let Me Go this is one of my most anticipated shows of the year, I love mafia settings and I am hoping for lots of angst, drama and betrayal

Wish You Luck the trailer was amazing! I am chomping at the bit for next summer, I am loving the greater variety of genres we are getting and Tonnam was fantastic in Triage

Nighttime in the Suburb I have some anxiety as always about how the asexual character will be handled, but I also tend to trust the Philippines on handling more unusual queer storylines so

The Uncanny Counter S2 give them back to me!!!!!

Home School I need it now! Very The Eclipse/The Gifted vibes. Also Chimon!!!

Art Adore En I was sold as soon as I saw a polycule in the trailer, it looks like exactly my kind of messy

GAP may this kick off a new trend where the sapphics stay winning. I also adore FreenBecky 

Chains of Heart the synopsis looks great! Very pulpy and dramatic!

Moonlight Chicken P’Aof and EarthMix are some of my favourites, and I am curious where they go with a very different storyline than they have done before

Summerdaze I loved the mock trailer for this, I really hope there is news soon. I want them to open another crowfunding campaign because I missed the first le sigh

I am also impatiently waiting for an adaptation of Transplant to be announced, Sammon adaptations are always great and I just really need TanBunn back

Tagging: anyone who would like to do it, and feel free to say I tagged you so I can see your answers! :)

[purplesurveys]

1469

survey by lovelypursuit

Do you like oatmeal raisin cookies? I don’t think I can say that I do. Oatmeal is fine with me but I would most definitely remove every single piece of raisin from my cookies.

Which smells better - Pez or Play-Doh? I like the smell of Play-Doh and have never smelled the former, so the former wins by default.

Does your hair reach your boobs? Yeah it already does. I don’t feel like getting a trim anytime soon though, I like its current length just fine.

When are you having spring break? We don’t have that.

And how will you be spending that time? Still can’t answer that. The only breaks I get in a year are Holy Week and Christmas breaks, and during those times I usually like to stay at home and just spend the time recharging. I’ll occasionally go out of town though.

Have you ever had a crush on celebrity no one knew about? CM Punk fits this question best, even though he’s not technically a celebrity. I had such (and honestly, still do) a huge crush on the dude which I never thought was possible in the arena of pro wrestling lol.

Do you have a Roku? I have a really vague memory/idea of what this is, but I can’t seem to remember right now. Anyway, we never did and I don’t think it was ever available here.

What's something that fills you with anxiety? Work, unfortunately. Dealing with clients has to be the most anxiety-inducing aspect of it, but I think I can say I still like what I do PR-wise - especially the times where I get to write - and I still find fulfillment in what I do.

Do you like Anthony Green or Jack White? Jack White’s name kind of rings a bell but ultimately idk who either is, so I don’t have a preference.

Do you think you're attractive? I think I’m just fine. I don’t hype myself up too much but I’m also not as insecure about my looks as I used to be years ago.

Do you drink coffee on a daily basis? Yeah - you got it right with daily pretty much. 

Do you have strict parents or are they more chill? They were strict when I was younger, like in never letting me go to sleepovers until I was in high school, not letting me on social media...but I mean, I’m in my mid-20s and have been earning my own money. I’d have an issue with them if they would continue to be as strict with me as they used to be.

At what age did you move out of your parents? (or what age will you?) I haven’t moved out yet and am not really in a rush; where I live, the pressure to move out isn’t super felt and children really do take their time in continuing to live with their families. I hope to have my own place by the time I’m in my late-20s, at least.

What age do you think is too old to still live with your parents? I don’t judge people based on this. Again, it’s a culture thing. The only time I’d think if someone is “too old” is if they’re like in their 30s and is jobless and doesn’t do anything to help around in the house.

Do you think Clinton Kelly looks like a less scruffy Bradley Cooper? I don’t know who the former is.

Do you always download the free songs on iTunes? I don’t remember what those songs might have been anymore, but I don’t think I ever downloaded them anyway because for the most part I didn’t know who the artists were.

Have you ever loved a boy who was dating some other girl? I’ve never had feelings for a guy, period.

Is your hair all the same color? Not so much currently. My roots are growing fast as all hell, so I’ve got like two or three inches of black hair and the rest is still in its dyed light brown shade.

Have you ever tie dyed anything? I have in the past. It was an activity we had to do for school in like Grade 6.

Do you know anyone who says 'wow' a lot? Hahahaha ME. It’s a common expression I use.

Have you ever watched Bob's Burgers? I haven’t.

How many cardigans do you own? I don’t have any.

Denim, leather or varsity jacket? Denim.

Has a teacher ever caught and read a note you were passing in class? I will firmly say no to this, but I did get caught once in a situation that involved the passing of notes. Basically this girl in my class needed a dictionary to do her homework for English class, and I guess she saw that I had a copy of my own dictionary under my seat??? so she intended to pass a note to ask for it. She was doing this during our history period - already a big no-no - so anyway my seatmate eventually handed it to me, and not knowing yet what the nature of the paper was about, I unwittingly opened the note. My teacher happened to see it, paused the class to stare daggers at me and told me to keep the note away, soooooo yep that was pretty fucking annoying to get caught up in that whole mess just because someone wasn’t doing her fucking homework.

What annoyed me even more is that I know that teacher never liked me so it really felt like that public scolding was just an excuse to finally have something to be pissed at me for.

Do you know anyone who is afraid of horses? I don’t think so. There might be people I know who are, but I wouldn’t know who.

What's your favorite perfume that you own? Heat Rush.

Do you clean things that are already clean when you're bored? No, I never do that.

How did you spend Valentine's Day? That was a weekday if I remember correctly, so I was just at work and it was just an ordinary day for me.

Do you get President's Day off at your school? No, we don’t have that holiday(?) here. Even if we did, I would never recognize it. Presidents aren’t to be celebrated lmao, especially the one we are going to be having by next month.

What would you do if an ex-boyfriend started using one of your besties? I think Angela is smart enough to know if she is being used so I would let her handle it and stand up for herself.

Would you rather live in a tropical or arctic climate? I mean, I hate how hot it can get here (I live in a tropical climate) but I wouldn’t give it all up just to go to the other extreme.

What is the last thing you took that wasn't yours? My sister’s black polo shirt which I’ve since adopted, hahaha.

Do you have an older brother? Not biologically but we have a cousin who pretty much feels like one since we grew up together.

What do you do when someone overweight complains about being overweight? I’ve never been put in this situation and don’t think it’s also my place to like give advice or whatever so I imagine I would mainly listen and let them rant.

Is there any Irish, Scottish, or Danish in your heritage? No, not at all. But then again, who knows – people always get surprised from the results of their DNA kits hahaha so I could always turn out to unexpectedly have some European blood in me. But I highly highly doubt that.

Do you find Asians attractive? Uh sure, whatever hahaha.

Is it racist to ask if a specific race is attractive or not to someone? Depends on the context or if it’s meant as a backhanded compliment.

Have either of your parents ever been to jail? No.

Have you ever been to jail? No.

Keep Calm and Carry On or Screw Calm and Get Angry? I tend to have a short temper so it’s the latter for me, lol.

Do you think Urban Outfitters is overpriced? Idk, I’ve never been to one.

Are your collarbones prominent? They are, yeah. It’s one of my favorite features.

Have you heard about the Alyssa Bustamante case? I haven’t but wow that’s a very Filipino sounding name lol. That’s my only takeaway from this question.

Have you ever in your life worn overalls? Yeah. I have photos as a baby where I had them on.

How did you react when you heard Whitney Houston had died? I was shocked and sad but I wasn’t really able to share those feelings with anyone because no kid in school had really been familiar with who she was, and I only knew her because I was into Beyoncé at the time and knew she had been one of her influencers and would mention Whitney in literally every interview lol. So I got pretty upset, but I wasn’t a major fan or anything like that.

Do you love yourself? Yes.

What is the brand of desktop/laptop you're on right now? Apple.

Are there any words you don't usually pronounce correctly? No. I’m conscious when it comes to mispronouncing so I usually look the word up or ask around.

Do you think Helena Bonham Carter is attractive? Sure.

Would you rather listen to Dolly Parton or Dusty Springfield? Dolly largely because I don’t know who the other one is.

Are you watching The Walking Dead this season? Nah - they’re on their final season this year, right? I stopped watching when they killed off one of my favorite characters in like season 7 or whenever that was. He was one of the last original cast members so when they got rid of him my interest in the show gradually waned.

What TV shows do you keep up with? I haven’t been watching any series lately, besides the K-drama Happiness which I finished in two days while I was dealing with post-election depression lol. I have a couple of series on my radar that I want to start on though, which are Sh**ting Stars and Twenty-Five Twenty-One.

Are you a light sleeper? I can be. If I have something going on the very next day, like a flight or a big event, I’m on edge even while sleeping hahaha.

Have you ever forgiven a cheater? I’ve never been cheated on and am honestly not sure how I’d handle it. I think it would depend on the situation but I hope to god I would just walk away.

Would you consider cuddling cheating? Yeah.

What does the purse/bag you last used look like? It’s a pink handbag that has this cute image of a flower on the lower right side.

Would you wear heeled/wedged oxfords? Not my style; I’ll have to pass on those.

Do you own a blazer? Yeah I have a couple of them in case I need to wear something formal for work.

Gunmetal, cooper, silver, or gold? Silver.

When's the last time it snowed where you live? Never.

Can you make a clover with your tongue? Nope.

What's your favorite coffee brand/flavor? Caramel or hazelnut.

Have you ever made out with a firecrotch? With a...what?

Do you listen to The Story So Far or Balance and Composure? No for both.

Is your belly button pierced? It isn’t.

[ilovejevsjeans]

The mental health revolution changing F1 for the better

Formula 1 drivers are superheroes. They always have been, and always will be, pushing themselves and their cars to the limit week after week.

But it is often forgotten that F1 drivers are also human beings. They face emotions and challenges like the rest of us, yet do so amid the pressures of one of the most exclusive and competitive sporting series in the world.

As mental health has become more of a talking point for society as a whole in recent years, its place within racing is also coming more and more into the spotlight.

The pinnacle of motorsport has tended to operate as an environment where, if you're not up to the job, you'll be replaced. The stigma surrounding mental health means that opening up can be seen as a sign of weakness, which for drivers is not something they are often willing to show for fear of it being used to their rivals' advantage.

"Even if you have them, I would never say so," says Max Verstappen. "Why would you say your weakness, even if you have one? Why would you explain that? No, I would never say those kind of things."

But some of Verstappen's peers have been trying to change things. Daniel Ricciardo has been part of a mental health campaign within Renault, and explained the importance of having a close core group to be able to talk to, relieving some of the pressures of F1.

"You sometimes might keep things close to you, you think it might be showing some weakness or whatever," Ricciardo says. "For me, trying to stay positive and all that stuff, it's really about the people I choose to have around me, close friends or family or whatever that you can bounce things off and talk openly.

"I put a lot of trust in people. I think it's quite easy for me to talk to someone and be open. I don't seem to bottle a whole lot up. But you need that outlet.

"Motorsport, for the most part, is a male-dominated sport. There's a lot of ego and pride, and not everyone always feels OK opening up and being a bit vulnerable."

Lando Norris was particularly open in talking about his mental health battles upon arriving in F1, revealing during his rookie season that he had been working with a mind coach to help ease some anxiety and confidence struggles during his rise up the motorsport ladder. But the pressures of his rookie season took their toll.

"Last year it looked like I was really confident and not nervous, and it was more that I put on a brave face," Norris reveals. "Inside I was struggling a lot. I think I just covered it up quite well last year."

As Norris' confidence grew and his debut season went according to plan, he stopped working with his mind coach: "Doing it more on my own and taking my own responsibility for it was part of the growth that I needed."

He's found ways to properly manage his confidence battles, citing his video game streaming as a fun outlet that helps him switch off from the pressures of F1. And his on-track performances this year have been among the best on the grid. He is now in a stronger place.

Imposter syndrome - where someone has a feeling of inadequacy despite achieving success - is something that is part and parcel of racing in F1, given the comparisons between every driver on the grid in the competition for wins, podiums and even race seats.

"It's something that I struggled a lot with, especially before going into Formula 1, and during last year," Norris says. "The belief of if I've got what it takes, and what do I think comparing to my team-mate or comparing to other drivers, obviously always comparing against other people - that's the thing that screws with your head sometimes.

"It's something that is very tough to deal with, self-belief and everything like that. There are a lot of things that I've struggled with over the past few years and growing up.

"Not everyone wants to talk about it all the time, but it's something that I've struggled with. I'm sure many other drivers have thought about and struggled with over the past."

Drivers also have to contend with the sometimes necessary evil of social media. All but one driver - Sebastian Vettel - have some kind of social presence. While it allows them to give fans an insight into their lives and help boost their profile, making it a handy marketing tool, it also leaves them open to abuse from anyone with a keyboard.

Romain Grosjean has previously opened up about receiving criticism across platforms, even when posting about his life away from F1. But he has learned how to deal with the trolls.

"Mentally, I'm quite strong, and I've shown it through the years," the Haas driver says. "It's never nice to read, a lot of people are assuming things that are not correct.

"I guess it's freedom of talking. I'm fully onboard with people saying what they say, and what they think. Sometimes it's just not based on truth. It's wrong, and that's a bit disappointing."

He even likes to tackle some of them head-on: "I reply to some and talk about it. It makes me laugh, and whenever good results are coming, I just want to give them a thumbs up, or maybe another [finger]...

"We just need to make sure that we don't pay too much attention to those, because they're just people on their sofa. They've got no idea what we're living through, they've got no idea what our body goes through or our career, how tiring it is, how much it takes on the family and so on, that we are away so much on the road.

"They just like to abuse you because it's easy and it's free. They can keep going for it, I don't mind. Thanks for the ones that support me. I think there are maybe more people who support me than those that hate me."

Ahead of his breakthrough podium at Mugello last weekend, Alexander Albon had been facing pressure over his results at Red Bull, particularly in some corners of social media.

To him, the best way to deal with it is simply not to look at it, accepting what people say is out of his control.

"It's quite simple: we just don't look at anything further by your phone," Albon says plainly. "In the end, you're the only one that can really make the change. All these comments, they're there, but they're not in control of anything - I am.

"You understand it, or you see it, but it doesn't affect me. I just see it as they have an opinion. That's great. But I'm here to be better. And then that's what I'm focused on."

As Ricciardo mentioned, the ego-driven, often machismo-heavy nature of F1 means signs of vulnerability are taken as weakness. It creates a toxicity that is hardly healthy for the paddock environment.

But things are changing. F1 drivers are now talking more openly about the mental pressures of racing, including six-time world champion Lewis Hamilton. Hamilton posted on Instagram recently about his "two sides", calling himself "someone who is figuring life out day by day, just like you, trying to find inner peace, manage time, balance work and life, finding time for family and friends, working on managing my emotions".

Hamilton added that he had "a lot of difficult days" and urged his followers that it was "never a bad thing to ask for help if you need it, or to tell somebody how you feel. Showing your vulnerable side doesn't make you weak, instead, I like to think of it as a chance to become stronger."

That vulnerable side is all too rare to see in F1, something Hamilton acknowledged when asked by this writer about his post.

"Between the drivers, ultimately as competitors, it is not the first thing you think of doing, being open and expressing yourself," he says.

"But I think it is really important, and more important than what is happening here. It is not really about me necessarily, more about in the world everyone is struggling with something and it is creating parallels that you can relate to.

"What I was trying to convey, that it is OK to have those difficult days, those are the growing days I think where you find the most growth. I am managing well, and I have a good group of people around me."

Teams are also embarking on more programmes focusing on mental health to support their workforce and get the very best out of them. McLaren has a partnership with mental health charity Mind, which was announced in July. The team has been helping work on fundraising for the charity, recently holding a prize draw for two custom-painted helmets from Norris and team-mate Carlos Sainz Jr.

As F1 teams focus on 'human performance', mental health has become more and more a part of that.

"You want the best performance out of everyone, how to put everyone in their best position and their most comfortable position to perform," Norris says. "More and more F1 teams, and we are as a team, McLaren, are taking more and more recognition to these kind of things, and raising awareness for it."

The 'new generation' of F1 drivers have been refreshing for so many reasons, but their willingness to open up more and talk about mental health struggles is hugely important. It will hopefully create lasting change that can be felt throughout the paddock, and make the often cut-throat world of F1 become more understanding. (X)

[elves-n-angels]

How Sebastian Stan Went From Winter Soldier to 'Winter Swoldier'

To keep up with the Chrises, Stan upgraded his diet, training, and worldview. And 2020 is shaping up to be his best year ever.

BY LAUREN LARSON 

DEC 19, 2019

THE COFFEE-SHOP staff is having a silent meltdown. The peppermint tea I ordered was forgotten as soon as Sebastian Stan walked in. He orders a coffee, receives it instantly, and goes to put it down on a table. The lid isn’t fully on, and the coffee spills. It’s almost a “stars are just like us” moment, but then a barista suddenly materializes with a paper towel in his outstretched palm. “It’s wet,” he says eagerly.

Stan, 37, is wearing black shorts, a black T-shirt, midcalf black socks, and a gray hoodie missing its drawstring. He looks very off-duty SoHo, which he is: He’s back home in New York City on furlough from preparations for The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, an extravagant collaboration between Marvel and newborn streaming service Disney+.

He’s also wearing a blue baseball cap, which sits slightly higher on his head than it might on the head of someone with less va-va-voom hair. That hair sent the Internet into a tizzy recently, when a poster for Falcon showed Stan with a short cut. In the past when Stan has played the Winter Soldier (né Bucky Barnes), he’s had shoulder-length hair. Next to his forehead, which is giant—the White Cliffs of Dover of foreheads—the longer style made him look very sinister.

Stan is somewhat less recognizable in street clothes, but women still side-eye him on their way to the bathroom. Maybe they recognize him; maybe he’s just a little too strapping not to be famous.

As Stan talks, he maintains an unsettling deadpan, verging on a glower. “People always ask me if I’m okay,” he says, still glowering. “They’ve said I have ‘serial-killer resting face.’ No matter what I do, I’ve always had dark circles under my eyes that never really go away. Lately there might be a little moisturizer happening here and there, just in case. Preserving a couple years, or whatever.”

The more reserved the actor, the more likely he is to become part of Hollywood mythology. Between Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) and Captain America: Civil War (2016), a rumor circulated that he had gotten too ripped for the arm he’d worn in the earlier film, a wraparound contraption meant to look like a machine prosthetic. Redditors called him “the Winter Swoldier” and “Bulky Barnes.”

Stan laughs when I bring it up and clarifies that he used a new-and-improved arm in each successive film. With the first iteration, he had to apply lube to slide his real arm into what was essentially two rigid metal tubes. “It was like having a massive hammer attached to me,” he says, “but it looked unbelievable in the movie, and it actually informed a lot of my body language.”

Subsequent arms were more mobile, and Stan doesn’t have to lube up to get in there anymore: There’s a sleeve inside the arm for his next appearance as the Winter Soldier. But, he concedes, he did get too big for the arm used in Civil War. “I was so insecure being around these massive fucking guys, so I started lifting really heavy and ate a lot. I remember I showed up, and I was a little bit bigger than I had been in The Winter Soldier. The arm was a bit tight,” he says. “I was losing circulation.”

Stan is not a new arrival in the Marvel universe: He made his superhero debut in 2011, with Captain America: The First Avenger. But recently he’s enjoyed a burgeoning late-term fandom as his roles (and arms) have ballooned. Beyond Marvel, he starred alongside Margot Robbie in 2017’s I, Tonya, as Tonya Harding’s jackass boyfriend. When we meet in October, he’s just returned from shooting the spy film 355 in London, with Jessica Chastain, Penélope Cruz, Lupita Nyong’o, and Diane Kruger. Another insecurity-inspiring roster.

With Stan’s constellation of anxieties—he says he’s “terribly self-aware, to the point of detriment”—he is uniquely suited to stardom in 2020. A decade ago, audiences wanted actors to be pillars of Hollywood hubris, strutting around in latex Marvel suits, muscly and impenetrable. We still want the muscles, but we also want stars to be genuine.

Marvel films can seem at odds with that national craving for authenticity. Steve Rogers, for example, becomes Captain America instantly, in the first ten minutes of The First Avenger: He goes into a machine and emerges fit, huge, and self-actualized. I ask Stan whether that narrative—man gets muscles and immediately earns the admiration and attraction of everyone in his midst—isn’t a dated, unrelatable picture of masculinity.

“When I was watching Steve Rogers,” Stan starts in, “I saw him question his identity, his alliances, the government. ‘Who am I? What is this? What made me come into this is very different than the role I am in now.’ I think it was very timely, in the sense that you could see that character evolve. Then he gives up his shield and is like, ‘I’m out. I’m going to do my own thing.’ He chooses his own life. It’s actually more relatable.”

There’s an obvious metaphor there: Stan is Captain America, and stardom—and the press tours, the scrutiny, and the training that come with it—is his government, always invading his carefully fortified sense of self. As a result, he can appear very reticent in public, offering only occasional glimpses of the unguarded Sebastian Stan. Audiences live for those moments.

Stan is the anti-celebrity in the year of the anti-celebrity.

And his ambient hostility toward questioning is offset by the behavior of his Falcon costar Anthony Mackie. When alone in interviews, Stan can seem deflective and bored, but he gets an enormous kick out of Mackie, who has jumped in to rescue many an interviewer left to writhe on the hook by Stan. He is the Sebastian Stan whisperer, midwife to a charm that can be difficult to coax out.

“When I’m trying hard to find the honest moment, he sort of unlocks me a little bit. We both laugh and we find a way to have a good time,” Stan says. When I tell him that I’m planning to mine Mackie for gossip, he laughs. “Here’s what he’s going to say: ‘He’s way too serious. It’s boring. He slows everything down. It’s always these questions and, like, the stare. Give this kid a Yoo-hoo! Somebody get him a chocolate milk. Good God, put a smile on his face!’ ”

Mackie is the enthusiastic extrovert to Stan’s pensive recluse. Even though I reach him on the phone at 9:00 p.m. after a long day of shooting in Savannah—“I’m already going to bed,” Mackie says in a N’awlins drawl that sounds sleepier than usual—he’s forthcoming about Stan. He describes his costar as a hermit, a chronic Irish-goodbye-er who doesn’t offer much of himself at first. “If the FBI ever needed to get anything out of him, they’d be in very big trouble,” Mackie says. “I don’t know what the male equivalent would be of ‘resting bitch face,’ but Sebastian has nailed that 100 percent.”

His first impression, which lingered for a long time, was that Stan was a very quiet, very reserved actor. They shook hands when they met, but it wasn’t a buddy-com bromance at first sight. It wasn’t until much later, when the two were on a press tour for The Winter Soldier, that they hit it off. Mackie hung out with Stan and a few of his closest friends, and they “unlocked” Stan for Mackie the same way Mackie now unlocks Stan on press tours.

Their chemistry also plays well on set. They share a dedication to their work, and they both come from classical acting backgrounds. (“He went to Juilliard,” Stan says of Mackie. “He can do anything.”) Beyond that, they’re opposites, reining in each other’s moods to a perfect, workable middle. “He calms me down when I’m ready to rage against the machine,” Mackie says. In turn, Mackie bullies Stan into having fun.

Case in point: When they were on a press tour in Beijing, they had one of those endless nights that make press tours seem glamorous. “It just went on and on and on,” Mackie recalls. “We had to do press the next morning, and he’s like, ‘I’m going to bed.’ I’m like, ‘Nope.’ I took his wallet and his cell phone so he couldn’t get into his hotel room. Then, by the time we got to the press, I was fine. He just looked like he’d gotten hit by a car.”

Hollywood has always relished actor partnerships—from Robert Redford and Paul Newman to Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson—but now more than ever, buddying up feels like an imperative. Pairs perform, especially on social media. In November, when Stan and Mackie took over Marvel Studios’ Instagram to announce that they’d begun filming Falcon, fans were as thirsty for their friendship as they were for the show. Their dynamic is the stuff of memes: “[I] want someone to look at me the way Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie look at each other,” one fan tweeted.

I know what that fan meant. When Stan does look at you without suspicion—when, perchance, he laughs at something you say—it’s like winning a battle.

WHEN IT COMES to fitness, Stan has also benefited from the influence of a charismatic spirit guide. He played soccer and basketball at his Rockland County, New York, high school, but he didn’t start running and going to the gym until he was in college at Rutgers University. And he didn’t get really into fitness until 2005, when he was cast in a film titled The Covenant, which Stan calls “really classic.”

Really classic, indeed: The Covenant also stars Chace Crawford, whom Stan would later join on Gossip Girl (another classic), and Taylor Kitsch. Stan plays one of five prep-school boys endowed with supernatural gifts and sick abs.

“I got a call,” Stan says. “And one of the producers said to me, ‘Look, you’re going to have to look like John Travolta in Staying Alive.’ He’s just glistening with muscles. It’s ridiculous. I was like, ‘Oh my God.’ I started to work out with a trainer, but it was my buddy

Taylor Kitsch who got me into it.” With the trainer and Kitsch as his gym shepherds, Stan began exercising in earnest.

Then, in 2013, ahead of The Winter Soldier, Stan teamed up with trainer Don Saladino, who’d also sculpted Ryan Reynolds, John Krasinski, and Liev Schreiber. That same year, Stan starred in a Broadway revival of William Inge’s Picnic, playing a character whose defining trait is his hotness.

“Inge was writing something very important about vanity and how people were perceived in terms of being quote-unquote good-looking, beautiful, or pretty,” Stan said in a Playbill interview in 2013. “In the play, there’s something shameful and dirty about it. Our obsession with beauty has not changed. When we see something that turns us on, we either appreciate it or judge it. It’s so primal. We still dismiss people if they’re pretty; we don’t care how they feel, because they should just be happy looking the way they do. That’s something we were trying to say with this production.” Stan is less philosophical about his Picnic bod these days. “I had to be basically shirtless every night, like eight shows a week,” he says. “I really zoned in on diet, and everything transformed.”

He prefers exercising on an empty stomach, so he generally starts his day with coffee—and a rice cake with some almond butter and honey if he’s feeling depleted. Today he was feeling very depleted, he says, so he had some scrambled eggs with Brussels sprouts and aioli. “I’m not going to tell you the place where I got that,” he adds, unprompted and wary, as though I might start dining there daily in a stalker vigil.

Stan is a proponent of “quality over quantity,” but that doesn’t mean he skimps on his workouts; he just knows that a 20-minute session that catapults his heart rate into the red zone is as effective as an hour of low-intensity bullshit. He runs (“I’m not going to tell you where”) when he’s feeling meditative.

In advance of the Falcon shoot, Stan started lifting weights every morning and knocking out stunt training for the fight scenes. He points out that filming an action movie is a workout in itself: You spend whole days running around and sweating in a heavy suit. “I mean, next to Evans and Hemsworth and all those guys, I feel like I’m 50 miles behind. I don’t think I can get to that size, to be honest,” he says. That aside, Stan feels, in his late 30s, better than ever. “My body right now is probably the best it’s ever been.”

THERE'S A PHOTO of Stan, age 15, on his Instagram. It’s a headshot from Stagedoor Manor, an acting camp that he attended while in high school. He’s recognizable from the brow up—he has the same broad forehead, the same voluminous hair. His arms look pale and soft, like overcooked linguine, and he’s staring down the camera with theater-kid intensity.

Stan lived in Romania until he was eight years old. Shortly after the Romanian revolution, he and his mother moved to Vienna and stayed there for four years before heading to New York in 1995. No, he says, he didn’t have a foreign exchange student’s social cachet in middle school. “Maybe if I was from France or something. But I am Eastern European. We left communism,” he says. “When I came here, I just wanted to be like everybody else.”

I ask Stan which of his mannerisms are typically Romanian. “You’re kind of putting me on the spot to define a whole nation—a guy who hasn’t been there for years,” he says. But he thinks for a second. “For me, based on my mother, the ‘Romanian temperament’ is perseverance—being able to handle more than you think you can. At 27, my mother was working two jobs in a foreign country where she barely spoke the language. There’s a sense of family and perseverance that’s deeply ingrained in the blood.”

Even for someone who has experienced a certain degree of stardom, Marvel fans can be a shock to one’s sense of family. Certain Marvel stars acquiesce to the attention on some level, greeting fans with a Chris Hemsworthian openness to scrutiny. Stan’s boundaries are reflexive and firm, as though his sense of self is always under attack. (Which, to be fair, it may well be: “He’s so reserved,” Mackie says, “but in this day and age that’s a very good quality.”)

Stan is more protective of his personal life than most actors. Celebrities often use social media to dispense calculated chunks of themselves in exchange for privacy. Stan occasionally opens up on Instagram: “Been working with this guy through years of self judgement and mental wars when it comes to fitness and LIFE,” he wrote of Saladino in a caption accompanying a gym selfie. But questions about the people in his orbit ping ineffectually against his poker face.

He attributes this to only-vaguely-alluded-to incidents in which his family and friends were subject to public attention. As a public figure, he has opted into that attention, he explains, but they haven’t. It upset him when they were the targets of scrutiny, particularly when that scrutiny came from his fans. Stan seems to be looking for earnestness in an industry that, on the whole, disdains earnestness. He “tries hard to find the honest moment,” as he himself puts it (much like how he saw a profound statement about “our obsession with beauty” in William Inge’s horny play).

In this, the Marvel universe is an improbably good fit for him. We speak the week after Martin Scorsese said Marvel films “are not cinema,” and Stan is as defensive of the films as he can be without disrespecting Scorsese, one of his heroes. “All I know is that all movies affect people,” he says. “I’ve certainly experienced firsthand many people who have been affected and helped by Marvel movies.”

Captain America fans lean earnest. People have told Stan that Bucky Barnes helped them cope with their PTSD. During Q&A sessions, he’s asked questions like “What would Bucky Barnes’s major be?” and “What happened to Bucky Barnes when he fell from the train?” Stan fields those questions without sarcasm or diversion.

“They think we are these people,” Stan says, again without condescension. He’s content to take questions about Bucky Barnes, especially if it distracts fans from asking questions about Sebastian Stan. “Now we’re much more obsessed with the personality rather than the actor. We take people and swallow them and digest them and chew them up, and then we spit them out the other side. Then we’re done,” he says. “We’ve done that with numerous celebrities—people. I’ve seen people have massive ups and downs and stuff. All I can do is just try to be as honest as I can. And do my job.”

Men's Health Magazine, December 19, 2019.

[reogou]

like you | kirishima.e

@centerhabit​ asked:

Omgg can I have a kirishima x reader where shes playful with her buddies but gets so flustered when ppl confess to her and kiri has a huge crush on her but bc she likes him back it's really hard for her to be her usual self around him so shes just quiet and kiri thinks she doesnt like him? Can u make it end fluffy please :)

pairing/s: kirishima eijiro x fem! reader

genre: fluff

warning/s: none

a/n: a repost from my main. i also edited this a bit. hope you all liked it! 

🏷: @bnhabookclub​

Having a massive crush on someone really gets into you. The feeling of a million butterflies flying around your stomach every time you see them. Every time your heart leaps when you think about them. The feeling of getting to know them more, feeling closer, being that special someone in their lives, and having a space in their hearts. Thoughts about them that always replay on your head, like what they like and dislike, their favorite foods, who are the people that are important to them, questions like that. But most importantly, you ask yourself, do they like you back?

Do they feel the same emotion you feel every time they are around? Do they also feel the need and urge to talk to you? Do they even care for you? Just by thinking about it makes you shiver and anxiety creeping into you. What are their thoughts about you? Do they find you cute? Hot? Do they like your personality? Do they see you funny? Do they feel something special towards you?

As time goes by, the feeling gets stronger and stronger until you can’t help but be conscious about yourself, especially if that one person gives a sign that she treats you differently from the others. And in a not great way. It feels awful for Kirishima. Just thinking about you hating him makes him wanna punch himself and ask what’s wrong about him.

You were close with everybody in class (well except for Mineta) and always hang out with everybody. Even Bakugou hangouts with you and likes you even though he doesn’t show it. You always wear that pretty smile on your face, your eyes glistening with joy every time you see a person happy because of you. You’re always there for everybody, helping them, talking with them, laughing with them. You’re the social butterfly of Class A, but your treatment gets different when it comes to Kirishima. Even though you’re a talkative person, you always keep quiet whenever he’s around. When you both meet in the hallway, you either walk back to where you came from or walk fast without looking at him. It feels like you’re avoiding him.

Kirishima asks himself if he isn’t enough. If he makes you uncomfortable. If you don’t want to hang out with him. Don’t you like him? What did he do wrong for you to hate him?

Kirishima sighed and rested his back entirely on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. Kaminari glance below him to see Kirishima in front of him before glancing back at the TV, resuming on playing with Sero. Bakugou was on the floor with him while leaning on the couch, waiting for the loser with Kaminari and Sero to win against him while Sero and Kaminari are sitting on the sofa, playing. The two boys on the floor was hidden from anyone who came from the stairs or the kitchen.

“You okay, bud?” Kaminari asked, clearly feeling unusual at his behavior.

“Huh? Ah, yeah. I’m fine.” Kirishima averted his eyes from their questioning ones to avoid more questions. He ran his hand to his hair and sighed once again.

“Who would believe your shit when that’s literally the 4th time you sighed asshole? Got nothing better excuse than that, Shitty Hair?” Bakugou furrowed his brows at Kirishima.

“I’m sure no normal people would sigh that heavily if they’re okay.” Sero grinned at him. If this was an ordinary day, Kirishima would have been all smiles while talking about you, gushing over you. However, he was just sitting there, thinking so deep that he didn’t notice you coming down from the stairs with Mina and Uraraka.

You were laughing with Mina and Uraraka about that one movie, which has a hot MC. Giggling, you saw Kaminari and Sero playing in the living room. When Mina saw them, she beamed and greeted them.

“Hey, Denki, Sero! Whatcha’ doin’?” You looked at Mina weirdly, who’s staring back at you.

“What?”

“What the heck is that language?” Your face contorted. Mina shrugged.

“I just heard it on one of those Youtube videos.” You shook your head and turned towards the two boys who are still playing. You walked towards them while Mina and Uraraka followed you.

“Where’s Kirishima and Bakugou? You’re not with them?” You asked, the blonde and redhead out of your sight.

However, when you got closer to the couch, you saw Bakugou sitting on the floor below Kaminari and Sero.

“You got no eyes, Shitty woman?” Bakugou rolled his eyes at you. “Well, good morning to you, too, Bakugou.” You stuck your tongue out at him, sarcasm evident in your tone.

When you looked below Kaminari, your heart raced when you saw a redhead guy sitting on the floor beside Bakugou. When Kirishima looked up at you and smiled, you felt your face heat up. You almost jolted when Kirishima greeted you a good morning.

“Uhh-…G-good morning!” You stuttered and almost shouted. You bit your lip and looked away from Kirishima to steady your heartbeat.

“You okay, Y/N?” Kaminari chuckled.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You rolled your eyes at him when he grinned at you, clearly teasing you.

What the fuck, Y/N? You’re embarrassing yourself in front of Kirishima! Your crush!

Mina and Uraraka laughed at your reaction. You glared back at them and pinched Uraraka on the side.

“Ouch!” She whined playfully, still laughing. You rolled your eyes at them, turned your heel towards the dorm’s front door, looked over your shoulder, and signaled Uraraka and Mina to follow you. You rolled your eyes when you saw the sheepish grin on their faces.

“Shut up.”

-

Kirishima exhaled sharply when you got out from the front door, looking defeated. He looked at Kaminari who’s staring at him and groaned.

“I knew she hated me.” He mumbled, which reached the boy’s ears.

“What do you mean? Who?” Sero asked. “Oh, man!” Sero groaned while Kaminari smirked at him.

“Better luck next time, bro!” Kaminari laughed at Sero, earning him a groan from the tape-hero.

“You’re really bad at this, Soy Sauce Face.” Bakugou smirked.

“I’m not. I think it’s you who suck at this.” Sero smirked back at him, challenging Bakugou.

“What?! You’re the one who sucks at this! You wanna fight, huh, Tape Arms?!”

“Bro, chill.” Kaminari looked at Bakugou while chuckling. He turned towards Kirishima and faced him, his console now on his lap.

“Who hates you? Y/N?” He asked.

“Yeah.” Kirishima replied. Kaminari laughed at him while holding his stomach.

“What do you mean Y/N hates you?” Sero chuckled. Kirishima shoots them a confused look, not knowing what’s going on.

“Doesn’t she hate me? I mean, she’s so friendly towards all of you even to Bakugou, but every time she sees me, she always avoid me.

“What the- this fucker.” Bakugou facepalmed at him while Kaminari and Sero continued to laugh at him.

“It’s not like that, idiot!”

Kirishima stared at them. What the fuck are they saying? Kirishima is really confused right now as to what was happening and what the boys are talking about.

“Y/N doesn’t hate you! In fact, she likes you!” Kaminari blurted out, torn between laughing at his friend’s stupidness or being frustrated at his friend’s stupidness.

Kirishima sat frozen on his seat. What the fuck? You like him?

-

The wind blew, making the leaves rustle, creating a peaceful music to your ears. The garden was a beautiful place to rest in. The calming breeze of the wind and the smell of flowers around and the birds’ small chirping around you can make a person’s heart fall into peacefulness.

But in contrast to what one should feel right now, the boy in front of you is trembling with nervousness. You can even see the cold sweats running down his forehead to his chin, disappearing on his uniform coat.

His eyes shot up at you, eyes full of determination despite his vulnerable state. He took a deep breath before standing straight and staring right into your eyes.

“Y-Y/N… I know you already feel my affection towards you, but I want to make a proper confession and express my love to you.” He started bravely. You feel your cheeks heat up and your heart race at his words, utterly flustered at his confession. Even though this is not your first time to have someone confess to you, you still get flustered every time you learned that someone has a crush on you.

“Y/N, I h-have liked you for a long time now, since first year.” The boy confessed.

You bit your lip and opened your mouth to speak, only to mutter a single “I-…” before heating up and avoiding his gaze. You fumbled at the hem of your skirt and looked up at the boy in front of you. Sighing, you corrected your posture and face him.

“I-i’m sorry b-but… I can’t reciprocate your feelings for me…” You mumbled.

He sighed and smiled at you, making you jolt a little at his action.

“It’s okay. I know you have Kirishima inside your heart from the start.” He said sheepishly. Your eyes widened as you realized what he just said to you.

“E-eh?!” You squeaked, cheeks heating up even more. He smiled at you before looking at something behind you. When you slowly turn around, it felt like time froze. Your heart thumping even louder as you stared at those crimson eyes that are open wide, shock evident inside them.

You swallowed hard as you felt embarrassment rose inside you. You just want the earth to open below you and swallow you to a place where you can save your ass from embarrassment. The boy gave you a small wave then walked away as Kirishima came over and stood in front of you. Silence fell as you and Kirishima gawked at each other with eyes wide open.

“I…I,” You attempted to speak up, but the bile inside your throat made you unable to do so.

“So… you like me, huh?” He said quietly, eyes staring at you. You chewed on your bottom lip and nod your head towards him. There’s no way to hide it now. He knows your feelings for him already, so why not just take this chance to confess?

“Y-yeah…”

He gave you a soft smile that made your heart swell and your insides melt, his smile giving you strength.

“B-but you don’t have to be forced to answer me. It’s okay if you don’t have the same feeling as me. It’s totally okay even though you like someone else-” Your words were cut off when his soft lips touched yours, sealing you into a kiss you thought would only happen in your dreams. You closed your eyes to feel his embrace more as you started kissing him back, your lips following his movements. The kiss was so magical and beautiful that you almost reached for his lips the moment he pulled from you. He chuckled at your reaction and kissed your forehead.

“Don’t worry sweetheart, you will get lots and lots of kisses today, onwards.” He said cockily, making you pout.

“Does this mean… you like me too?” You stared at his crimson eyes. He smiled at you and nodded. He leaned towards you until you felt his hot breath beside your ears, making you gasp.

“Since first year.” He whispered into your ear.

“I thought you hate me, though.” He pouted at you. Your eyebrows shoot up from what he said.

“Huh? Why would I hate you?” You asked, confused at his remark. He avoided your gaze, and you saw a small tint of pink on his cheeks. You can’t help but grin.

“Kirishima…” You hummed softly as he looked back at you. “Are you… blushing?” You asked him while grinning. This time, his face turned into red, almost like his hair and eyes.

“W-what?! Of c-course not!” He stuttered, making you laugh at him. He glared at you playfully, making you laugh even more.

“Stop laughing!”

“I can’t help it!” You snickered while trying to stop your laughter. Keyword: Trying. Instead of getting angry at you, Kirishima smiled softly at you, finding you cute while laughing. He can’t help but to steal a kiss from you once again making you stop laughing. Your face heat up once again and blinked at Kirishima.

“Now you’re the one blushing.” He teased. You smacked his arms and hid your face in his chest.

“Stop!”

[sapphicmsmarvel]

Homophobia

How they react to your homophobic family members.

TW: Homophobic slurs.

I didn't know what language Marvel had assigned to Sokovia so I just used latin because they said the words for sokovia derived from Latin on the marvel wiki

Amica mea: My love

Carol: Straight out tells them how fucking rude they are.

You were at a family reunion. For the most part people were supportive of your relationship with the gorgeous woman in the suit next to you, but some were not.

Like your uncle.

"Y/N, I see you're still...well you." Your uncle threw a distasteful glare at your hand locked with Carols. "You should really consider a man." You rolled your eyes, "yeah and you should consider finally croaking it. But you don't hear me bitching." Carol threw you an impressed glance as she bit her lip to keep herself from smiling, and failing as she did it.

Your uncle was absolutely flabbergasted, "why Y/N, all I want is for you to be making good decisions and being a woman who loves another woman is not a good one." You were expecting this, and you were just ready to punch him in the face but Carol stepped in. "Excuse me, Y/N is the most loving woman ever. You should be grateful to have a niece so kind and powerful. You should also be grateful that I'm not punching you in the face for how you treat my girlfriend." She stepped towards him, towering over him. "You are nothing more than just some old asshole who thinks people care about what he thinks. Take your wrong ideals and shove them up your ass." She hissed.

He looked absolutely terrified, your godmother was watching this entire thing unfold. She threw you a thumbs up as if to say "you've got a good one."

Yeah, you really do.

Wanda: Sweet ole Wanda, finally snapping at someone.

She rubbed your shoulder as you sat through the reception, you felt uncomfortable and unwelcome. You were only invited because your mom (who supported you so much) insisted. You were never welcomed at your religious family's gatherings because well, you were a Grade A sinner because you had tattoos. They didn't even know you were queer. And you even got a guest which was surprising.

You were civil enough to wear a suit that would contain your tattoos (minus the ones on your fingers that you covered with makeup and rings). But your aunt wasn't civil enough to keep comments to herself.

Your aunt sat next to you, the one that was known for being homophobic and an asshole. Also a huge racist. You sighed inwardly, Wanda squeezes your shoulder subtly saying she knew. She always knew. Pros of being a freaking mind reader.

When your aunt heard Wanda's foreign accent she got this look in her eyes, the look you knew. The "I'm a racist and I show it look". "Where are you from?" Your Aunt asked, her voice tight and cold.

"Sokovia." She spoke, God, her accent just made you weak. "Really?" Your Aunt said with feigned interest. You resisted the eye roll. You promised your mother you'd be civil. You promised your mother you'd be civil. You thought to yourself and Wanda responded in your head, you can do this Amica Mea. Besides, I am not ashamed of where I came from.

And no one should ever make you feel like you are. You said back.

Your Aunt smiled coldly, like a snake. "So how did you two become friends?"

Friends? Does she not see Wanda's arms around your shoulder?

"A mutual friend of ours introduced us," You said, your words clipped. "So what have you been up to?" She asked, realizing how cold you were yet trying to fill the awkward silence. "We went to a pride festival last month." You said, after all, June had just passed.

She smiled coldly, "you still a f*g supporter?" Wanda moved her arms around your waist, "she's also a f*g fucker." Wanda said calmly as she sipped her wine. Her eyes becoming filled with contained fury.

Oh you could've made out with her right then and there at your cousins wedding. Your Aunt looked absolutely scandalized as you said calmly, "meet my girlfriend, Wanda." "You brought your girlfriend here?!" She shrieked. "You told me to bring a guest. So I brought one, someone I love." You kissed Wanda on the cheek and looked at your Aunt, "bite me, bitch."

Your aunt huffed away, and you looked at Wanda who was looking at you filled with love, "I'm sorry I said that, I just hated that-" You silenced her with a kiss, when you pulled away you said, "I love you, Wanda Maximoff." She smiled, "I love you, Y/N L/N. Regardless of your crazy family." You giggled as she kissed you again.

Maria Hill:

Holds you back from doing something you'd end up regretting. Even if she wanted to punch them as well.

Your sisters wedding was something you absolutely dreaded.

"You know we've defeated terrorists before right?" Maria said, obviously seeing your anxiety.

"Yeah well, terrorists never called me a f*g." You snapped.

"How bad was it?" She set her hand on your shoulder, "you told me your family wasn't the most accepting but what else happened?"

You shook your head, "I came out when I was fourteen, I told you that. But everybody except my parents insisted it was a phase, even my own sister. It's never ending." You said tiredly.

She gripped your hand, "I love you, Y/N. If anyone gives you shit I'll deal with it okay?" She gave you a teasing smile as you rolled your eyes and brought her hand up to your lips to kiss it.

"For the love of God," your sister walked up to you, "Aunt Suzanne is disturbed."

"Cause I kissed my girlfriends hand? How dare I." You rolled your eyes and took a sip of Maria's wine.

"Just hold it back today okay?" Your sister nudged you.

"Hold back what? My relationship? My happiness? In case you can't tell we're at a fucking wedding. Love is allowed here dumbass."

"You know how Aunt Suzanne is..." She trailed off.

"Yeah, a cunt." You hissed. Maria squeezed your arm as your sister rolled her eyes.

"Just act normal." She scoffed and walked away.

Act normal? You thought to yourself and went to go beat the shit out of your sister. Maria gripped your arm and pulled you back to her chest to make it look like a weird cuddling dance move so guests didn't suspect why the bride and the sister of the bride were about to beat each other.

"If you keep yourself from fighting someone, I'll reward you." Maria whispered huskily.

You looked at her, "you'll let me fuck you in the closet that's down the hall?" You said nodding your head towards the said hall.

She snorted and banged her head against your shoulder, "I honestly don't know why I love you." She shook her head, and looked back up to you smiling.

You smiled and leaned in to kiss her, "only for you." She grinned and pulled you two the dance floor. Where you two ignored the looks and swayed together, looking like two idiots in love.

Natasha: 

Does not hide affection and shows you off proudly.

Taking Nat to a family reunion was an adventure you were looking forward to. Your family was not the most supportive in the way you lived your life and who you lived it with. But Natasha was excited to show you off and shove it in their faces how great the two of you were.

Nat held your hand as you walked to your aunts backyard, "you seem excited." You said laughing.

"I can't wait to shove this in those fuckers faces." She said and promptly kissed you on the lips which you welcomed.

Your uncle decided now would be the time to walk out of the fence gate and see you and your girlfriend making out. "Oh! Um, hi Y/N."

You nodded at him in acknowledgment, Natasha's hands still wrapped around your waist, "Uncle Roger, this is my girlfriend Natalie Rushman." You two decided to go with her alias name because you couldn't risk her real name being revealed. Especially after the whole legal thing with Bucky.

Nat stuck her hand out to shake your uncles, "nice to meet you." Natasha said, lying through her teeth. She probably wanted to punch him, she's heard the stories.

He smiled and said, "likewise." Then promptly walked away.

She looked at you over her shoulder, "this will be a fun night."

Shuri:

Shuri believes in being petty, which you wholeheartedly agree with.

This family reunion meant a lot to you because it was the first family reunion you, the social outcast was going to after winning all your science awards. It was a prestige banquet, so you and Shuri were dressed in your finest attire, you in a suit and her in a wakandian dress that was red and orange.

You gripped her hand tightly as you walked into the hall, hoping to god your heels don't slip on the marble tiles. She rubbed her thumb across your hand soothingly. "It's alright." She said kissing your cheek softly.

You let out a huff as your homophobic aunt walked up to you with a smile, but it faded because she's a racist and homophobe. You squeezed Shuri's hand in warning.

Your aunt was mostly civil and you two walked to a table that had about four family members there, your uncle included, he was known for refusing to believe science and believe facebook articles over actual professors and doctors.

"Global warming isn't real!" You nearly walked away, one of your awards was in proving the fact that global warming is real. Your uncle refused to believe your points and you were about to leave when Shuri spoke up.

"That's enough!" Shuri said, "I will not sit here and hear you discredit Dr. Y/N L/N. She is not only your niece but someone who has done more research than you ever will in your lifetime. Not like you have much of that left anyway." She nodded to his wrinkled skin and white hair.

He guffawed. You smiled as she continued, "Y/N has a nobel peace prize, the Copley Medal, the Wolf Foundation prize and many others underneath her belt, if you want to know more, google her. She is reputable and the smartest woman I know." She kissed your head.

You waved with your middle finger as the two of you waltzed out to go eat at McDonalds, the night behind you as you two basked in your love.

[blurby]

Omgg can I have a kirishima x reader where shes playful with her buddies but gets so flustered when ppl confess to her and kiri has a huge crush on her but bc she likes him back it's really hard for her to be her usual self around him so shes just quiet and kiri thinks she doesnt like him? Can u make it end fluffy please :)

Like You

A/N: Thank you so much for requesting! 😘 I hope you like this. I really had the motivation to write this. Enjoy reading!

Pairing/s: Kirishima Eijirou x Reader

Warning/s: None

Genre: Fluff

AU: None

-

Having a huge crush on someone really gets into you. The feeling of a million butterflies flying around your stomach everytime you see them. Everytime your heart leaps when you think about them. The feeling of getting to know them more. To feel closer. To be that special someone in their life. To have a space in their heart. Thoughts about that person that always replay on your head, like what do they like and dislikes, what are their favorite foods, who are the people that are important to them, questions like that. But most importantly, you ask yourself, do they like you back?

Do they feel the same emotion you feel everytime they are around? Do they also feel the need and urge to talk to you? Do they also care for you? Just by thinking about it makes you shiver and anxiety creeping into you. What are their thoughts about you? Do they find you cute? Hot? Do they like your personality? Do they find you funny? Do they feel something special towards you?

As times goes by, the feeling gets stronger and stronger until you can't help but to be conscious about yourself, especially if that one person gives a sign that she treats you differently from the others. And in a bad way. It feels awful for Kirishima. Just thinking about you hating him makes him wanna punch himself and ask what's wrong about him.

You were close with everybody in class (well except for Mineta) and always hang out with everybody. Even Bakugou hang outs with you and likes you even though he doesn't show it. You always wear that pretty smile on your face, your eyes glistening with joy everytime you see a person happy because of you. You're always there for everybody, helping them, talking with them, laughing with them. You're the social butterfly of Class A. But when it comes to Kirishima, your treatment gets different. Even though you're a talkative person, you always keep quiet whenever he's around. When you both meet in the hallway, you either walk back to where you came from or walk fastly with your eyes on the ground. It feels like you're avoiding him.

Kirishima asks himself if he isn't enough. If he makes you uncomfortable. If you don't want to hang out with him. Don't you like him? What did he do wrong for you to hate him?

Kirishima sighed and rested his back fully on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. Kaminari glance below him to see Kirishima infront of him before glancing back at the TV, resuming on playing with Sero. Bakugou was on the floor with him while leaning on the couch, waiting for the loser with Kaminari and Sero to win against him while Sero and Kaminari are sitting on the couch, playing. The two boys on the floor was hidden from anyone who came from the stairs or the kitchen.

"You ok, bud?" Kaminari asked, clearly feeling unusual at his behavior.

"Huh? Ah, yeah. I'm fine." Kirishima averted his eyes from their questioning ones to avoid more questions. He ran his hand to his hair and sighed once again.

"Who would believe your shit when that's literally the 4th time you sighed asshole? Got nothing better excuse than that, Shitty Hair?" Bakugou furrowed his brows at Kirishima.

"I'm sure no normal people would sigh that heavily if they're ok." Sero grinned at him. If this was an ordinary day, Kirishima would have been all smiley while talking about you, gushing over you. However, he was just sitting there, thinking so deep that he didn't even notice you coming down from the stairs with Mina and Uraraka.

You were laughing with Mina and Uraraka about that one movie who has a hot MC. Giggling, you saw Kaminari and Sero playing in the living room. When Mina saw them, she beamed and greeted them.

"Hey, Denki, Sero! Whatcha' doin'?" You looked at Mina wierdly who's staring back at you.

"What?"

"What the heck is that language?" Your face contorted. Mina shrugged.

"I just heard it on one of those Youtube videos." You shook your head and turned towards the two boys who are still playing. You walked towards them while Mina and Uraraka followed you.

"Where's Kirishima and Bakugou? You're not with them?" You asked, the blonde and redhead out of your sight.

However, when you got closer to the couch, you saw Bakugou sitting on the floor just below Kaminari and Sero.

"You got no eyes, Shitty woman?" Bakugou rolled his eyes at you. "Well good morning to you too, Bakugou." You stuck your tongue out at him, sarcasm evident in your tone.

When you looked below Kaminari, your heart raced when you saw a redhead guy sitting on the floor beside Bakugou. When Kirishima looked up at you and smiled, you felt your face heat up. You almost jolted when Kirishima greeted you a good morning.

"Uhh-...G-good morning!" You stuttered and almost shouted. You bit your lip and looked away from Kirishima to steady your heartbeat.

"You ok , Y/N?" Kaminari chuckled.

"Yeah, I'm fine." You rolled your eyes at him when he grinned at you, clearly teasing you.

What the fuck, Y/N? You're embarrassing yourself in front of Kirishima! Your crush!

Mina and Uraraka laughed at your reaction. You glared back at them and pinched Uraraka on the side.

"Ouch!" She whined playfully, still laughing. You rolled your eyes at them and turned your heel towards the front door of the dorm and looked over your shoulder and signalled Uraraka and Mina to follow you. You rolled your eyes when you saw the sheepish grin on their faces.

"Shut up."

-

Kirishima exhaled sharply when you got out from the front door, looking defeated. He looked at Kaminari who's staring at him and groaned.

"I knew she hated me." He mumbled which reached the boy's ears.

"What do you mean? Who?" Sero asked. "Oh, man!" Sero groaned while Kaminari smirked at him.

"Better luck next time bro!" Kaminari laughed at Sero earning him a groan from the tape-hero.

"You're really bad at this, Soy Sauce Face." Bakugou smirked.

"I'm not. I think it's you who suck at this." Sero smirked back at him, challenging Bakugou.

"What?! You're the one who suck at this! You wanna fight, huh, Tape Arms?!"

"Bro, chill." Kaminari looked at Bakugou while chuckling. He turned towards Kirishima and faced him, his console now on his lap.

"Who hates you? Y/N?" He asked.

"Yeah." Kirishima replied. Kaminari laughed at him while holding his stomach.

"What do you mean Y/N hates you?" Sero chuckled. Kirishima shoot them a confused look, not knowing what's going on.

"Doesn't she hate me? I mean, she's so friendly towards all of you even to Bakugou but everytime time she sees me, she always avoid me.

"What the- this fucker." Bakugou facepalmed at him while Kaminari and Sero continued to laugh at him.

"It's not like that, idiot!"

Kirishima stared at them. What the fuck are they saying? Kirishima is really confused right now as to what was happening and what the boys are talking about.

"Y/N doesn't hate you! In fact, she likes you!" Kaminari blurted out, torn between laughing at his friend's stupidness or being frustrated at his friend's stupidness.

Kirishima sat frozen on his seat. What the fuck? You like him?

-

The wind blew making the leaves rustle, creating a peaceful music to your ears. The garden was a beautiful place to rest in. The calming breeze of the wind and the smell of flowers around and the small chirping of the birds around you can make a person's heart fall into peacefulness.

But in contrast to what one should feel right now, the boy in front of you is trembling with nervousness. You can even see the cold sweats running down his forehead to his chin, disappearing on his uniform coat.

His eyes shot up at you, eyes full of determination despite his vulnerable state. He took a deep breath before standing straight and staring right into your eyes.

"Y-Y/N... I know you already feel my affection towards you, but I want to make a proper confession and express my love to you." He started bravely. You feel your cheeks heat up and your heart race at his words, utterly flustered at his confession. Even though this is not your first time to have someone confess to you, you still get flustered everytime you learned that someone has a crush on you.

"Y/N, I h-have liked you for a long time now, since first year." The boy confessed.

You bit your lip and opened your mouth to speak, only to mutter a single "I-..." before heating up and avoiding his gaze. You fumbled at the hem of your skirt and looked up at the boy infront of you. Singhing, you corrected your posture and face him.

"I-i'm sorry b-but... I can't reciprocate your feelings for me..." You mumbled.

He sighed and smiled at you, making you jolt a little at his action.

"It's ok. I know you have Kirishima inside your heart from the start." He said sheepishly. Your eyes widened as you realized what he just said to you.

"E-eh?!" You squeaked, cheeks heating up even more. He smiled at you before looking at something behind you. When you slowly turn around, it felt like time froze. Your heart thumping even louder as you stared at those crimson eyes that are open wide, shock evident inside them.

You swallowed hard as you felt embarrassment rose inside you. You just want the earth to open below you and swallow you to a place where you can save your ass from embarrassment. The boy gave you a small wave then walked away as Kirishima came over and stood in front of you. Silence fell as you and Kirishima gawked at each other with eyes wide open.

"I...I," You attempted to speak up but the bile inside your throat made you unable to do so.

"So... you like me, huh?" He said quietly, eyes staring at you. You chewed on your bottom lip and nod your head towards him. There's no way to hide it now. He knows your feelings for him already, so why not just take this chance to confess?

"Y-yeah..."

He gave you a soft smile that made your hear swell and your insides melt, his smile giving you strenght.

"B-but you don't have to be forced to answer me. It's ok if you don't have the same feeling as me. It's totaly fine even though you like someone else-" Your words were cut off when his soft lips touched yours, sealing you into a kiss you thought would only happen in your dreams. You closed your eyes to feel his kiss more as you started kissing him back, your lips following his movements. The kiss was so magical and beautiful that the moment he pulled from you, you almost reached for his lips. He chuckled at your reaction and kissed your forehead.

"Don't worry sweetheart, you will get lots and lots of kisses today onwards." He said cockily making you pout.

"Does this mean... you like me too?" You stared at his crimson eyes. He smiled at you and nodded. He leaned towards you until you felt his hot breath beside your ears making you gasp.

"Since first year, baby." He whispered into your ear.

"I thought you hate me though." He pouted at you. Your eyebrows shoot up from what he said.

"Huh? Why would I hate you?" You asked, confused at his remark. He avoided your gaze and you saw a small tint of pink on his cheeks. You can't help but grin.

"Kirishima..." You hummed softly as he looked back at you. "Are you... blushing?" You asked him while grinning. This time, his faced turned into red, almost like his hair and eyes.

"W-what?! Of c-course not!" He stuttered making you laugh at him. He glared at you playfully making you laugh even more.

"Stop laughing!"

"I can't help it!" You snickered while trying to stop your laughter. Key word: Trying. Instead of getting angry at you, Kirishima smiled softly at you, finding you cute while laughing. He can't help but to steal a kiss from you once again making you stop laughing. Your face heat up once again and blinked at Kirishima.

"Now you're the one blushing." He teased. You smacked his arms and hid your face in his chest.

"Stop!"

-

Taglist: @lady-bakuhoe @bakugoyelling @bakugous-forehead @kingtamakimurder @kinkyacademia @kiriwhore-sama @zuffer-weird-girl @monst @secondhand-trash @aizawashoutta @redhawtriot @quirky-hero-imagines @queensynderella @lesbian-peanut-writer (sorry for the random tags! Please dm me if you want to be tagged or untagged)

[tenshindon]

*waves* Hi, I'm Silver. I want to write Yamcha more accurately (he seems really nice?), but I haven't the time or money to buy the manga or episodes, so... any tips, I guess? Can you help me? Thank you 🌻💜

hiya !! i’m always happy to talk about yamcha and The Character Of yamcha :) gonna put my thoughts under a read more cause this Might be long:

I havent watched Z or Super in a while but I do watch and read through the original Dragon Ball often so accuracy May Vary due to my trash memory. I’m also going to try to keep the games’ depictions of him out of this since accuracy varies among those.

The first thing I wanna touch on is Yamcha’s ego- especially how it evolves over the series. The main thing to keep in mind is that while he is generally cocky about his fighting abilities (which is a major weakness of his as he underestimates his opponents often and gets in trouble because of that), he’s never overly confidant with himself as a person; he seldom tries to paint himself as a better person in comparison to others and rather keeps realistic skepticism about himself. It’s also worth noting that, depending on how old Yamcha is in your depiction, his awareness for his fighting inadequacy compared to his friends varies (the older he is obviously the more conscious he is).

Next thing I’ma talk bout is something that i see kind of treated inconsistently; Yamcha’s relationship with women and his love life. I feel like a lot of people forget that Yamcha’s defining character trait in Dragon Ball was his gynophobia- he chased Goku and his friends so long for the dragon balls so he could remedy his fear of women. Of course, he eventually does date Bulma as they realize dating each other would resolve their mutual wishes for Shenron (Bulma’s being getting a boyfriend and as mentioned before Yamcha’s fear of women). As we’re all aware though, nearly a decade later Yamcha and Bulma mysteriously separate, and the reason for doing so is never explicitly made clear in canon (I could honestly make a whole separate post on Bulma and Yamcha’s break up- there’s a lot to discuss with it so if anyone wants that let me know lmao). The majority believe that Yamcha was unfaithful which, in review of his whole character, makes literally no sense- even just subtracting his fear of women (though I’ll elaborate on that later). But back on track and in regards to his fear of women, it never fully goes away. It just so happens that he’s most comfortable around Bulma, and since Bulma’s the most prominent female character of the series we tend to forget his fear in the first place. When around other female characters, he’s subtlety more anxious- or at the very least he isn’t so much of a playboy as fanon interprets him to be. One final thing to note is- unless I remember the series wrong (and anyone’s free to correct me on this)- Yamcha’s never implied to have gotten another girlfriend or even a lover at any point. Of course it’s hard to track the intricacies of Yamcha’s life- this is a shonen anime where slice-of-life episodes are limited, and even then Yamcha is far from being a prominent character anymore (post Dragon Ball).

Up next is his loyalty/friendships, methods of handling conflict, and overall courage because in my rat brain these all go hand in hand. Nevertheless, Yamcha’s a devoted friend- he’s shown time and time again to be supportive of his pals and, even in spite of his shortcomings, always does his best to help the gang out. Like i touched on before, as Yamcha gets older, he’s more and more aware just how far behind in training he is in compared to his peers. But that doesn’t stop him from trying to fight off whatever threat’s present. So with that we can infer that even if Yamcha can’t be the absolute best, that’s not going to stop him from at least trying if it means helping his friends or making them feel better. Additionally, he’s quick to stand up for others, even if he doesn’t know them too well or even at all and he’s shown not to hold onto grudges. One thing to remember is that, presumably for 16 years, Yamcha’s only companion was Puar (that’s not even considering his life before meeting her) and most interactions he has with people involve robbing them. His social skills might not be the best (though that doesn’t mean he can’t act socially capable- he clearly has no issue trying to make Beerus feel comfortable and like a friend at Bulma’s party) but again, his social skills varies with age and the situation. But again, referring back to his readiness to defend others, he isn’t afraid of getting into conflict if it means helping someone else.

Last few topics I’m going to talk about are his relationships with property, finances, and goals- they seem like a small topics but I still want to talk about it. Now hopefully we’re all familiar with Yamcha’s beginnings of being a desert bandit- and seeing his methods of obtaining items, he didn’t try to charm his victims into giving him their stuff. He just took it if he could if he couldn’t intimidate them and retreated if he couldn’t get what he wanted (which is also noteworthy of Yamcha’s awareness of his limits- a bit contradictory to his fighting ego but it seems that if Yamcha’s certain he isn’t able to win something, then he’ll save himself if it means delaying a goal or staying alive). He doesn’t seem to mind playing the long game either, as he’s willing to tail Goku and co. for months as he waits for them to gather the dragon balls without ever letting his true intentions slip. When it comes to finances, Yamcha doesn’t seem to care to heavily about them: back in the desert, Puar mentions to Yamcha that he should wish for money to which Yamcha dismisses it quickly, stating he could just steal money if he really needed it. It’s also worth noting that despite being a successful baseball player by Super, Yamcha chooses to live in a modest apartment. Either he’s very paranoid with money and, despite having enough to buy a full house, chooses to live in a cheaper apartment building or he’s more comfortable with smaller living spaces- which makes sense since he’d lived nearly two decades in a desert cave and had to scavenge for supplies (plus he seems to still think fondly of the desert as he has a painting of such in his apartment).

For the TL;DR version of this post, here’s essentially what you should keep in mind when portraying yamcha:

He’s generally a very lax, simple, and sociable person when he wants to be- though a bit socially awkward when he isn’t prepared

He’s not egotistical, but he has a bad habit of underestimating his enemies at times. this changes over time of course.

While he’s not itching for conflict, he is loyal and quick to stand up for friends and strangers alike

He acknowledges he isn’t the best, but that doesn’t stop him from trying

He’s ambitious and seldom gives up on his goals

He cares little for huge amounts of wealth or property and generally is just trying to get by in life comfortably

While not cripplingly petrified of women post DB, he still maintains a mild anxiety around women he doesn’t know- even around women he does know pardon Bulma he’s still a bit on edge

I’m done with my character study using the anime and manga, but I like talking about Yamcha so below this little buffer I’m going to get into how the games portray him. I might’ve forgot something or got some things wrong so feel free to talk to me about that if you want to. Anyways, you can stop reading if the above is all you’re concerned with- regardless if you keep reading or not, I wish you the best of luck in writing Yamcha ! :)

If you’re still reading, join me in my continuous ramble of the Rubix cube of Yamcha’s character because Toei and Toriyama can’t be consistent.

Something that seems to be portrayed a significant amount is that Yamcha’s aware of his charm and that he uses this to advantage to smooth talk his way out of situations- not that he just so happens to be good looking and endearing and his panicked socialization just happens to work out for him. In regards to his way of talking out of situations, that’s honestly something I could see if Yamcha acknowledges he’s against a threat much greater than his fighting abilities will allow him to handle- and it’s not like he doesn’t consider himself attractive, if we’re to take his reaction to losing his tooth as anything (in case you aren’t aware, he curses Goku for ruining his “beautiful” face). An example of this is most prominent is his interaction with Frieza in FighterZ, where Frieza remarks that Yamcha is both “handsome and sensible”, to which Yamcha attempts to keep the conversation casual so as to not have to fight (which he later points out to Goku once the latter urges that the three of them should just start fighting already). Though I’m sure his first reaction isn’t to talk his way out of something- he’ll just do it if the opportunity presents itself.

I obviously take huge issue with Yamcha’s portrayal of being a womanizer- his major goal was to settle down, get married, and live out the rest of his life with someone. So for him to be portrayed as having to juggle girlfriends is a bit strange to say the least. You could maybe argue that Yamcha hypes himself up to be a lady’s man as a way to cope with his anxiety (fake it til you make it y’know) but I have little faith in the characterization in Dragon Ball games and for them to think that complexly- plus, again, it contradicts with his humble and awkward personality.

Aside from these two notes, that’s all I have to say. so I’m done- forreal this time.

[pigeonfancier]

I’m staying mid to highkey stressed out by everything lately, but I suppose that’s just the mood for 2021! The election uncertainty felt a little better, in that it was something I could grapple with and feel as if I was contributing towards positive change - but right now, it’s call or write in, and wait for politicians to do what we voted them in for.

A sort of surreal, sort of amusing thought that I’ve been turning over lately is.. I have very specific personality types that I adore. I really like calm, laidback, more lower energy people, because it’s the sort of contrast that evens me out: nearing my 30′s has forced me to recognise the fact that I mirror people constantly, so being around too many high anxiety or highstrung people is bad for my mental health.

This is fine! Calm, laidback people generally like me well enough, so it works out.. but the other personality type that I really fucking adore is very stable, very chill, self-satisfied and kind of bitey pissants. The moment that I realise that someone has already pre-emptively decided everyone in the room loves them, and they cannot even conceptualise a world where this is not the truth, I’m immediately midkey infatuated, like a cheetah meeting their emotional supporting labrador.

Unfortunately, that personality type is generally not as immediately charmed by me, which is always startling, infuriating and hilarious at once, because.. my default reality is also that, when I enter a room, everyone will leave with a positive impression, but here someone is! Challenging it! I need to fix this, I say -

Except I do not need to fix this, lmfao, and dedicated cavorting to win someone over, just to prove I can, is fun, but not necessarily my best choice of possible hobbies to pursue. Partially because that’s so much energy, and I already have so little energy for social shit in the first place! Other relationships don’t get downgraded, but they do end up with a lot of conversations about the OUTRAGE of this SITUATION, hahaha.

But it’s also not the best choice to pursue those friendships, because, especially with men, that particular kind of smug disdain towards the world has always ended with the same moment of awkward realisation. I’ll win over their friendship, I’ll preen, content that I have Won, and then I’ll realise..

Oh, dear. The same pissiness that I find endearing also means that this person’s a huge asshole, and now that I’ve won this metaphorical contest of wills, I don’t actually want to be around them or associated with them, so this means I’m being a huge asshole, too, because as soon as I process that thought, I’m already halfway out of the window.

I love the personality type, but it absolutely does not bring out great things in me, lmfao. Everyone draws out different bits of your personality, and it’s easy to say: anxious people make me anxious, and more aggressive, and that’s a shitty thing for both of us, so that is a personality type I do not thrive with.

It’s a little harder to say: overconfident assholes make me into an overconfident, overcompetitive asshole, and while initially a lot of fun, that’s shitty for everyone around us, including them, when I inevitably get bored of it. So even if this is a personality type I thrive with, even if it’s a lot of fun, it brings out some of my shittier aspects, and that shouldn’t be encouraged.

Even if it’s fun. Even though it’s always a lot of fun.

[darkgeminisworld]

This is gonna be a rant about a probably toxic friend so if you don't wanna read it, this is a heads up.

Okay so for several reasons, most of them being that I need to move on, I decided to write this lengthy rant about a friend I'm pretty sure will not be a friend of mine for much longer, which sucks bc he's almost my only irl friend but also feels good bc he's exhausting and I'm pretty sure he's also toxic.

I've met this guy like 6 and a half years ago, and we pretty much bonded over shared interests pretty fast. The first thing that bothered me was that he'd always be late, which would be absolutely fine if he'd been honest about it. But writing that it's five minutes until he's there and then showing up 30 minutes after that, or writing "I'm on your doorstep" and taking another ten minutes to show up, almost every single time, isn't, especially since I strained to be on time the first months (meaning I'd be too early bc my brain only does too early or too late, nothing in between). And his being late wasn't just 20 or 30 minutes, several times he was over an hour late. Oh, and once when we had agreed to meet he legit wasn't home and I waited around 2 hours, which I really should have held a grudge for back then and been way more pissed at him.

The second thing that bothered me was that he was way too nosy. He'd ask if I'm free to meet and play video games or whatever and whenever I said no he'd ask what I'm doing and if I can't manage my time another way to make time for him. And the thing is, not only did I not ask several times after he told me that he's busy that day, but I actively told him, several times over the course of about the last two years, that it bothers me and asked him to tone it down. My problem here is only that he didn't stop after I asked him to, bc before I told him and asked him, how was he supposed to know.

Coming out to him went well, though he did ask me whether I'm into him, which... No. Obviously it could've gone a lot worse, but still.

The next is more a small annoyance, a small itch, although it might have been a warning sign. He couldn't handle defeat very well. In most video games he was better, but he low-key aggressively denied it when I pointed out the win-lose ratio in my all-time favourite video game series and he'd try to cheat at other games. If it was only about him being competitive I'd understand, but that doesn't mean trying to rewrite the past by blatantly lying about it and ridiculing me for pointing out that that's bullshit, especially since it's only games, played for the fun of it.

We also went to the cinema sometimes, though if it had been up to him it'd have been way more often and that's another point where he really didn't let it go after getting a no. Whether he wanted to watch a horror movie after being told, several times, that I really don't like horror movies, or just the general question of whether we'd be going to the cinema, he'd ask again and ask what I'm doing, why did I not want to go, would another time be good, couldn't I ask my parents for money (which, to be fair, I could have. But I preferred not to bc back then it was really stressful bc we had to move and renovate and I just didn't wanna add more frustration if that makes sense? Plus I wanted to get my hands on some things, which required to save up) etc. Almost every time we did end up going, it was he who initiated it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wanted to see some of the movies just as badly as he did, but... And if he can't even accept "no" from a friend of several years (also a 100% guy friend as far as he is aware bc I didn't start to address gender issues with him), I'm worried about other contexts with that word. Also we did some kind of text role play (just texting back and forth with OCs inserted into several fantasy works like the Inheritance Cycle, who would parttake in the storyline, no set rulebook or anything) and his characters did some questionable and even outright deplorable things and when I wanted his character to suffer consequences, he always wanted him to get away with it. Like, his idea for one of his characters "pranking" mine in reaction to a prank which in itself was a retaliation to his character's pranks was kidnapping and waterboarding my character. And he kept defending it as a prank and demanded that my character should just forgive his character, like... It really made (and continues to make) me wonder and worry just how much of his darker thoughts I don't know about. And I don't know how accurate it is but I once saw a post with a quote that went along the lines of "man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." (btw I couldn't think of a satisfactory way to phrase it so I ended up looking up the quote and apparently it's from Oscar Wilde)

So I spent a fair amount of time arguing with him over that and trying to explain to the best of my ability why it was wrong, and for some time it went better.

Fast forward a few months to the blm protests or more specifically news coverage of it and info I sent him. He defended cops and blamed the protestors and even justified the atrocities of the cops, so that was the first instance where we had a huge fight. I practically drowned him in links and videos etc and some weeks into that I thought I'd managed to get through to him (Spoiler: I didn't really get through to him) so I kept it in mind but continued to have contact with him and everything (bc at the time I didn't know that I didn't really get through as much as I thought).

From there on it pretty much went downhill. We had been thinking about doing a trip to London for a few days (his idea but at the time I really wanted to go, it was around 2 years ago when I still practically worshipped that one author, she who must not be named) and to this very day he's not letting it go completely. Even though the pandemic puts lots of obstacles in the way and I have more important things to worry about, namely final exams and applications. Even though London is expensive as shit and I still have no way to earn money atm. And about the vacation, I finally canceled last summer (and gave the aforementioned reasons) and he completely lost his shit and got super aggressive, insulted me and tried to guilt-trip me into taking that back and agreeing to still go on that vacation with him. Then we got into another fight where he wanted me to cancel the vacation with my grandparents, which was already planned and booked and everything in order to make time for the vacation I'd already said I don't want to go on with him anymore and aggressively demanded (he didn't ask, he sent a demand and bombarded me with exclamation marks) to know when exactly I'd be going on vacation with them. Then he went offline after I refused and ignored the next few messages I sent him and only replied when I asked "what I'd I reconsidered my stance on the trip?". I mean, baiting him with that definitely was shitty of me, but the result showed that that was basically what he wanted, pressure me into still going on that vacation. That specific conflict had been going on for weeks, bc despite me telling him that it's counterproductive and detrimental to my mental health to increase the pressure and therefore my anxiety about getting a job to pay for the trip, he kept pressuring me while acknowledging that he's giving me lots of pressure and anxiety and even using that against me.

He also didn't acknowledge that most times we try to meet, he goes offline for hours before replying and disappearing again. That would be absolutely fine if he didn't accuse me of doing that, which btw is his standard technique and it took me a long time to realize that. He always tries to shift the blame to make me look like the one at fault, and he always, always demands that I apologize when we had a fight via WhatsApp.

And when I started enforcing my boundaries and telling him to stop asking again and again why I can't meet, what I'm doing, or demanding other explanations, he started to attack me for the kind of language I use, so when I'm ever so slightly sarcastic he immediately latches onto that and creates a new conflict.

But this still isn't all, oh no. He's also basically an ecofascist, and is fully okay with sacrificing social justice to save the environment, completely choosing to ignore that the people he's protecting are the ones at fault and that the ppl who contribute the least are the ones experiencing the hardest ecological consequences.

He's said multiple times that he thinks both sides are equally bad, in the context of left and right in general as well as antifascism and fascism and that he doesn't "condone the oppressed defending themselves with any means necessary" bc that, too, would include violence. He's defending the "right to free speech" even when right-wingers say really disgusting shit, he disagrees with prohibiting demonstrations of ppl who think that Corona is a hoax, he has zero empathy for ppl who are affected, who suffer long-term consequences from infections, not even for ppl who die from it (he literally said "people die anyway, that doesn't justify imprisoning everyone else") and somehow still thinks he has the moral high ground.

And the last bit he did was explaining to me, from his endocisallohet white guy perspective, how I'm "not discriminated against" bc gay ppl in my country can get married (only since 2017 btw) and when I, despite the fact that I shouldn't have had to and that it was a real blow to my mental health, wrote him a message that was almost the length of an essay, he calmly started to question my replies with the detachedness of someone who's discussing whether pineapple belongs on pizza and demanding further explanation. To top it off, he said that marginalized ppl have to always reply to everyone calmly and politely, no matter if it was offensive bc the person asking might be unaware of that. Otherwise, he said, everyone would be right to stop listening to us. Like, he literally said that we don't deserve human rights if we're not licking the boots of our oppressors if that way of thinking is followed through to the end.

I almost forgot, he also thinks that white ppl should have a say in whether something is a racist slur, or whether something is racist in general (we're both white, but at least I'm trying my best to unlearn what my upbringing taught me instead of being the cliché of the white person who goes "how dare you call me racist, I've never been more insulted in my whole life!", which is basically his reaction)

So up until this last fight, I conceded some ground to him to end the fights and keep him as a "friend" not only bc I feel horrible when I imagine losing one of my only irl friends but also bc I was hoping I could get through to him and educate him, to the best of my ability, on how to be a good ally to marginalized people. But the disregard with which he treats my explanations why the way he talked (wrote) about marginalized people is absolutely not okay and the fact that he just told me that he genuinely doesn't see how he did anything wrong even after I explained it to him in detail is just too much to bear at this point.

Oh, and while looking through the chat to prove him a liar I found that apparently, to him a promise is a promise, no matter whether it was given under pressure or voluntarily, so do with that what you will.

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Pop artist Nadia Vaeh has dropped her new music video for her powerful track 'Anxiety'. The video reflects on her personal mental health struggles and how she copes with the highs and lows of anxiety. The video shows Nadia alone at home coping with what the real and raw effects of anxiety look and feel like. As an advocate, she hopes her music can inspire people to embrace the conversation of mental health and be a reminder that they are not alone.

Babeheaven, the project of West Londoners Nancy Andersen and Jamie Travis, share their latest single, 'Craziest Things', along with a video from the award-winning illustrator and animator, Sacha Beeley. The track is taken from the duo’s much anticipated debut album, Home For Now, which will be released on November 20 via AWAL, and follows the singles 'Cassette Beat' and 'Human Nature'. About the track, Nancy said: “On 'Craziest Things', I explore my anxiety and insomnia, not being able to make sense of my emotions and running around in a state of mania.”

Moscow-based multi-talented avant-pop artist Kate Shilonosova aka Kate NV has just unveiled a video for 'Lu Na', a track taken from her last album Room for the Moon. Drawing from “unlived memories of 70s and 80s Russian and Japanese pop music and film,” the project also comes with vintage and surreal conceptual videos inspired by the shows she was watching as a child. In these new Gina Onegina-directed visuals, she introduces four dancers voguing in pinky cats outfits. “‘Lu Na’ was originally planned as a dance clip consisting mostly of one repetitive loop—simple pattern where cats walk in a square one by one,” she stated. “This pattern was hugely inspired and based on [Samuel] Beckett’s piece Quad which I love. Originally I just wanted the sun to appear slowly behind those cats while they walk. All of the dancers were wonderful, they brought so much life to the characters of those cats!” [via High Clouds]

Kississippi, the increasingly pop-minded project of the Philadelphia musician Zoe Reynolds, have released a new single, 'Around Your Room'. Kississippi got their start making wispy and hypnotic folk reveries, which opened up into more muscular fare on their debut full-length, 2018’s Sunset Blush. 'Around Your Room' is their most unabashedly pop song yet, a strobing synth that pulls from Lorde’s Melodrama providing the main thrust for Reynolds’ gauzy lyrics about memory and its inexorable pull. Reynolds cowrote 'Around Your Room' with Sarah Tudzin of Illuminati Hotties, according to a tweet from Tudzin. “This song tells a story of yearning and infatuation. It’s about being hopelessly enamored in a way that took me back to my youthful perception of love,” Reynolds said in a statement. “It represents those moments where you’re fully infatuated with someone and they’re all you can think about. I’ve written about love in a cynical manner in the past and this song was written as a reminder of the magic and euphoria that comes with it.” 'Around Your Room' is the lead single from a new Kississippi album due out next year, Reynolds’ first for Triple Crown. Watch director Josh Coll’s video for the song above. [via Stereogum]

Tank and The Bangas have announced a new EP called Friend Goals. Due out November 20 via Verve Forecast, the six-track, guest-heavy release is being previewed with the track 'Self Care'. The New Orleans-based group are known for their collaborative habits, having this year teamed with the likes of Jacob Collier and Fantastic Negrito. Friend Goals, as the title might suggest, brings together a number of artists Tank and The Bangas have befriended over their career. The follow-up to last year’s Green Balloon LP features guests like CHIKA ('Mr. Insta'), Duckwrth ('Fluff'), PJ Morton ('TSA'), and Pell on the title track. Lead single 'Self Care' actually touts three collaborators: Jaime Woods, Orleans Big, and Anjelika “Jelly” Joseph. The track itself is exactly what we need in 2020, an ode to being with yourself and being damn okay with it. “Chillin’ all by myself/ Netflix, eatin’, cheatin’, by myself, all by myself,” Tarriona “Tank” Ball spits, clearly enjoying her alone time. “Nobody else/ New people to the left/ What is there left but myself?” “‘Self Care’ is THE quarantine song to get you moving,” Ball said in a statement. “It shows that some of the best things can come out from solitude, especially when the beat hits this hard.” Take a listen above via the song’s Fat Happy Media-directed video. [via CoS]

New Zealand’s platinum sensation BENEE unveils the official video for her latest single 'Snail'. For the visual, BENEE and director Anita Fontaine deliver a lush and larger-than-life fantasy befitting of the track. In the colorful clip, BENEE wakes up to feed her giant snail roommates and slides around their slime trails before heading to work in her secret elf lab. Soon, she’s cycling out of her home—a concrete replica of her own head—out into a storm. After being struck by lightning, our heroine turns into an elf and cruises through a mushroom wonderland under the glow of an aurora borealis-style blanket of colors across the sky. Reflective of her personality, it pops off as her biggest and boldest video to date. Of the inspiration behind the video, BENEE says, “I knew I wanted the vid to be a weird fantasy story involving snails! I said to Anita that I wanted to be an elf with long braids riding a bike and have giant mushrooms somewhere in the vid...She came back with the treatment, and I loved ittttttt! Her imagination is supa whacky in the best way, and I’m so happy with how ‘Snail’ turned out!”

Bebe Rexha has returned with her new anthem 'Baby, I'm Jealous', which features Doja Cat. 'Baby, I'm Jealous' is Bebe Rexha's first single of 2020, following on from last year's Maleficent: Mistress of Evil track 'You Can't Stop The Girl'. The new track marks the debut collaboration between Bebe Rexha and Doja Cat, and is accompanied by a Hannah Lux Davis-directed visual that stars Charli D’Amelio, Nikita Dragun, and Avani Gregg. Bebe Rexha says the new single is "about embracing my insecurities", and adds, "It’s about the way social media has heightened my jealousy which can affect how I feel about myself. We are constantly flooded with the highlights of other people’s lives, and at times I find myself comparing my worth and beauty to others. It’s part of the human process to experience jealousy - ultimately, this is an anthem to embrace those feelings as a form of empowerment." [via Line Of Best Fit]

Making her grand return to the scene with a striking new single is Brighton-hailed singer Fable, with her new tune 'Thirsty'. With otherworldly tones and harmonising vocals, the singer serves us with a sumptuous genre-bending tune that has us headbanging at every chorus. Known for her bold and atmospheric sonics, the singer accompanies the song with an attention-grabbing video with juxtaposing images of ethereal nature and mental destruction. Speaking on the single, the singer said, “'Thirsty' is about taking the beauty of life for granted. How overtime we write off profound stuff as mundane because it’s a constant; the sky’s always there, but it’s weird and beautiful that we even exist under it. It’s playful at heart but it’s about my realised depression and learning how to reset my perspective through mindfulness,” Having disappeared from the scene back in 2016 due to a personal tragedy, the singer has reconnected to her artistic side and is ready to step back into the spotlight. [via Wonderland]

With the enticing line-up of Joe Lonie (Supergroove), Milan Borich (Pluto), Jol Mulholland (The Reduction Agents) and Morgan Leary (Cindy), Tāmaki Makaurau supergroup Kathy Bates Motel share their latest ear worm 'Cool Your Heels'. The class act's second single, following up debut track 'Damaged Goods', is dangerously catchy, with killer harmonies from vocalists Lonie and Leary. 'Cool Your Heels' will have you moving your feet and hankering for a dance, a need so perfectly met by the Footloose inspired, Joe Lonie directed visuals. Everybody cut foot loose, the weekend and 'Cool Your Heels' have arrived. [via Under The Radar]

Up-and-comers Wargasm recently dropped their fifth single, ‘Backyard Bastards’, and now they’ve released a video to go with it. Shot and edited by Olli Appleyard, the video sees sees Sam Matlock (guitar, vocals) hunting down Ryan Cornall (session drummer) on a manic murder spree that finds its peak in an epic showdown between the two, all the while being cheered on by Milkie Way (bass, vocals) and her dancer squad. You can check out the video for ‘Backyard Bastards’ above. [via Dead Press]

Atlanta-based glam punk rockers Starbenders have released an energetic and evocative music video for their new single 'Can’t Cheat Time' off most recent album Love Potions. 'Can’t Cheat Time' is available now as part of a bundle featuring the original single and an acoustic version. 'Can’t Cheat Time' perfectly pairs frontwoman Kimi Shelter‘s incredible vocal shapeshifting abilities with electrocuted guitars and heart-pounding rhythm for this stand out rock ‘n’ roll anthem. Speaking to the inspiration for the single’s music video, Shelter adds: “‘Can’t Cheat Time’ is a personal favorite amongst the band. This single has a wicked string arrangement reminiscent of Jeff Lynne from ELO’s production style. It was so rewarding hearing all of it come together with the live string players. The accompanying music video is a love letter to the mom and pop businesses that have shaped and supported our very existence. These businesses along with the touring industry have been devastated by the pandemic. We filmed in locations around Atlanta which include the local greasy spoon diner, the record shop, the independent guitar store, the watering hole, and the divey small music venue. While mega-retailers did not close down for even one day, 60% of small to medium-sized businesses in the USA that closed will never reopen. These places are vital to the social and economic health of our cities. We encourage our friends to go to saveourstages.com. Sign up to push legislators to help independent venues though the updated Heroes Act. So many are hurting and on the verge of financial ruin from lighting to sound engineers, musicians, DJs, security, bar staff and venue operators. Our hearts are with you all.“ [via The Girls At The Rock Show]