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littlemisspascal · 4 years ago

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Death and an Angel part 14.5

Death!Din x Cupid F!Reader

Summary: And it’s unbelievable, truly, that he’s found someone who makes him feel as though he’s flying and falling simultaneously.

Rating: T

Word Count: 3,701

Warnings: angst, dialogue heavy, language, angst, Violence, plot plot plot, did I mention angst? Cuz it’s here

Author Note: Texas weather is no laughing matter and never have I hated snow more than these last few days. This is definitely more of a transition segment so I wrote shorter snippets as a result, but there is some serious plot development nevertheless. The response to last chapter was so amazing I can’t thank everyone enough for all the love and support 💖💖💖

Links to Part 1 and Part 14 and Part 15

Cross-posted on AO3.

Photo Inspiration:

Ahsoka hijacks the Razor Crest as soon as Din teleports her aboard the ship. She pushes Din out of the cockpit, refusing to let him so much as glimpse the coordinates of the destination she inputs into the nav computer. The Oracle hadn’t been kidding when she said she didn’t trust him going alone to rescue his soulmate.

Bo-Katan hadn’t been phased by Ahsoka’s arrival, adapting to her presence with the same ease as a duck to water. However, Din couldn’t help noticing the moment her mask of cool indifference slipped when Ahsoka asked the reaper to stay in the cockpit with her, claiming they had important matters to discuss.

Din climbs down the ladder into the hull, recognizing that the conversation about to ensue is not one he needs to be involved in. Fingers twitching restlessly, he commits himself to checking each of the weapons in his armory, sharpening his vibroblades and loading a set of whistling birds into his vambrace. He’d made a promise to Ahsoka against killing Moff Gideon, but he’d made no vow against scarring the Seraph beyond recognition.

When Din’s finished with him, Gideon will be a warning to the rest of the galaxy what happens if you steal from Death.

He stills at the thrum of satisfaction that runs through his body at the thought of pressing Gideon’s eyeballs out with his thumbs. The darkness within him has grown stronger since he killed Hess and it’s becoming an increasingly harder challenge denying its craving for bloodshed. If not for Ahsoka’s intervention, he would have reaped Xi’an’s soul, breaking another sacred rule. He should feel grateful, but the darkness expresses annoyance instead, upset to have been denied its kill.

There is a thought that has been plaguing the back of his mind, shackled in the same corner as his other doubts and regrets. He once had iron control over his powers and emotions, but now he’s holding onto his human façade by a mere thread. So slowly he hadn’t even been aware it was happening, his darkness has usurped his morality.

He’s meant to be a neutral entity, but when he looks at his reflection in the fresher mirror all he sees is a weapon.

Obsidian orbs have replaced brown eyes. Flawless tan skin has become dissected by lines of ink that once were blue veins.

Darkness is corrupting him from the inside out, making him a slave to the power he once mastered.

And he doesn’t have a fucking clue how to stop it.

Bo-Katan joins him in the hull an hour later. She doesn’t say anything , just leans against the wall across from him, and Din continues cleaning the barrel of his amban rifle as if he doesn’t see her.

The silence isn’t tense or uncomfortable, but he feels her gaze trying to penetrate his helmet. He knows the reaper well-enough to tell there is a question on her mind, but her hesitance to voice it unsettles him. Bo-Katan rarely holds her tongue around him, preferring blunt honesty over sugarcoating, which means whatever is on her mind must be serious.

He bites back a sigh when she starts restlessly shifting in place and pauses his task. “Ahsoka told you,” he says at last.

“That Moff Gideon fucked with our lives?” Bo-Katan snorts humorlessly. “Yeah, she showed me everything.”

“I’m sorry about your sister.”

“Me too. But it’s...good not being in the dark anymore. I needed to hear the truth,” she replies stoically, but the pointless adjustment of her headband betrays her internal strife. There is a moment of pause before she looks at him again. “I heard about your promise,” she says, and it’s not really a question, except that it is.

Din’s fingers tighten around the rifle. “Did she make you swear the same one?”

“No.” Bo-Katan shakes her head. “No, she didn’t.”

He’s not surprised by the answer. He actually thinks he should have expected it, considering the universe has always held him to a stricter standard than other entities.

“Ahsoka made it clear to me that this is something between you, Gideon, and your angel alone. I cannot interfere just like you cannot kill him.”

There is bitter resignation in her tone. He recognizes it because he felt the same when he made his promise to Ahsoka. No one likes being told no when they want something. But this—knowing with absolute certainty Gideon is the one responsible for hurting their loved ones and being told you can’t do anything to avenge them? This is the kind of pain that will linger for years to come as an ache in their bones and a scar over their hearts.

It isn’t fair. But Din’s lived long enough to know the universe never intended life to be that way.

“Can I ask you a favor?” Bo-Katan asks, pulling him out of his thoughts.

He blinks at her, realizing this is the question she’d been withholding since she came down the ladder. Never has she asked him a request before. “What is it?”

“You must separate Gideon from the Darksaber,” she answers, expression one of absolute seriousness. “The Armorer warned my people if the Lightsaber was ever mishandled, it would turn against the wielder by transforming into the Darksaber. Instead of empowering you, it deceives you. Fills your head with delusions until you lose your grip on reality entirely.”

“And you want to spare Gideon’s sanity?” Din asks slowly.

“Of course not. The son of a bitch deserves to be punished for his crimes. Even if I did want to,” her lips curl into a snarl at the thought, “there’s no way of undoing the damage done to his mind. What I want is for the weapon to be returned to the Armorer. She’s the only one who can properly dispose of it.”

“Right,” he agrees quietly. Anything that comes out of the Armorer’s forge is built to last the length of eternity. He could toss the Darksaber into the center of a sun and it’d remain whole and unaffected, waiting to twist the mind of the next wielder. Nodding his head, he assures her, “I’ll take care of it, even if I have to cut off his hands.”

“Good.”

Din paces the length of the hull, each thud of his boots making contact with the metal floor blends with the low hum of the engines. Usually he’d ignore the creaks and groans of his home, but the metallic symphony is the only thing capable of drowning out the thoughts in his head urging him to storm the cockpit and retake control from Ahsoka.

“Pacing isn’t going to make us arrive any quicker,” Bo-Katan tells him, not even bothering to open her eyes as she lounges atop one of his storage crates. “Ahsoka said it will be another hour at least.”

He has a retort ready on his tongue when a voice calls out his name from somewhere beyond the Razor Crest.

“Din!”

Din freezes in place as unexpected, heart-wrenching hope slices through his chest. He knows that voice. It’s his favorite in all the galaxy.

“Death?” Bo-Katan asks, concerned by his stillness. “What’s wrong?”

He tentatively reaches out towards the bond, giving it the slightest of tugs. When he feels the distant flicker of a reaction on the other end from his angel he nearly forgets how to breathe.

“The bond,” he murmurs, voice thick with awe and relief. “I can feel it again.”

Longing fills his chest where the hollowness used to reside now that the invisible block separating them is gone. It wraps around his heart, squeezing so tightly he nearly falls to his knees. Din pulls at the bond again on impulse, possessed by the all-consuming need to see her, to have her at his side where she’ll be safe.

The bond protests the harsh treatment, too weak to physically bring them together across the vast distance separating them. He snarls a curse under his breath, hating being helpless to protect her. It’s unfair, he finds himself thinking for a second time. Unfair how it hurts more now being able to feel her presence compared to when he couldn’t at all.

A paper airplane flickers into existence on the horizon of his mind, flying straight into his hand when he reaches out for it. I can’t leave this place. Not yet, the note says. The words themselves are unsettling, but it’s the strength of the emotions she’s attached that has him reeling with shock. For one crazy, electrifying moment he thinks he’s passed onto the afterlife.

Another note arrives. I miss you, Din. I want to see you so much it hurts. And it’s unbelievable, truly, that he’s found someone who makes him feel as though he’s flying and falling simultaneously.

As he sends a message of his own, never has he been more certain that if anyone can put an end to the darkness inside of him—it’s her.

“The Moff is an expert when it comes to defensive warding,” Ahsoka says as the three of them stand looking up at a canyon wall that extends in either direction as far as their eyes can see. “But even he can’t hide from my sight.”

Din scuffs at the salt-covered ground with his boot, still coming to terms with the fact all this time Gideon’s been hiding out on Crait of all planets. As much as he wants to believe Ahsoka’s right, his powers can’t detect even the barest hint of the Seraph’s presence.

Bo-Katan’s eyebrows arch with skepticism. “You’re sure this is the right place? It’s kind of remote.”

“Perfect for building an army,” Ahsoka replies without missing a beat.

Din exchanges a look with his reaper, realizing this is the first time either of them are hearing about this.

“Gideon has an army?” he asks. “Who—”

“Mercenaries,” she interrupts, turning around to face them. Her blue eyes are distant and cloudy, entranced by a vision. “When I break the warding, all but one will meet the end of their mortal lives attempting to overpower us.”

“All but one? I don’t think so.” Bo-Katan rests her hands deliberately on her blaster pistols. “Anyone who works for Gideon is an enemy in my book.”

“Migs Mayfeld is not to be harmed.” There is steel in Ahsoka’s voice as she blinks back into the present moment.

Din nudges Bo-Katan with his arm when it looks like she wants to continue arguing. The reaper huffs a quiet breath of annoyance, but eventually jerks her head in the tiniest nod of compliance.

Ahsoka grabs her twin sabers from her belt and ignites their blue blades. She handles her weapons with deadly grace, altering her appearance from peaceful Oracle to fierce and cunning warrior. Turning back to the canyon wall, her gaze trails over the red-brown rocks only to pause and narrow at seemingly random points.

Bo-Katan tries and fails to follow her line of vision. “What are you—”

The Oracle leaps into the air with surprising agility, lashing out with her sabers against the rock. Blinding light bursts forth from the point of collision followed by a flickering glimpse of a gigantic metal door.

“—looking at,” Bo-Katan finishes quietly, watching Ahsoka swing herself higher to attack another portion of the canyon wall where the next segment of warding is hidden.

There is something undeniably satisfying about seeing the door materialize as the wardings cloaking it are destroyed. Every precise strike of Ahsoka’s sabers brings Din one step closer to reuniting with his soulmate.

As if spurred by the mere thought of her, fear ripples across the bond like a gust of icy wind, stopping his heart cold. His angel is terrified. Din reaches out as far as the bond will allow in its fragile state, trying to get her attention by pulling at it and shouting her name, but none of his attempts breach the storm of panic.

“She needs me,” he mutters to himself, stepping forward with clenched fists. His vision narrows until all he can see is the door in front of him, an obstacle that must be dealt with. “She needs my help.”

“Wait,” Bo-Katan calls out, but her voice sounds as if it’s coming from thousands of miles away. “Ahsoka isn’t finished with the warding yet!”

If he were capable of rational thought in that moment, he would have heeded her warning. As it is, he summons his power into the palm of his hand, the darkness inside of him crowing in wicked delight. He winds his arm back, preparing to slam his fist against the door, only for a whipcord to wrap around his wrist with an audible zip.

He’s pulled backwards onto the ground, breath knocked from his lungs as he lands with a heavy thud. Bo-Katan appears not a second later and pins him in place by straddling his waist. The darkness is demanding he push her aside, knowing with absolute certainty the reaper is no match against him, and it takes all his strength to wrestle the urge under control.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” She glares at him, eyes resembling green flames eager to incinerate him.

“I—” he rasps, breathing heavily. His hand starts trembling, a burning itch under his skin. “I can feel her fear. She needs me.”

Bo-Katan blows out a long, frustrated breath. “Well, shit.” She jostles him then, forcing his head to momentarily clear as his helmet smacks the ground. “Look, soulmates are soulmates for a reason, right? I heard it’s like being two halves of the same whole. So if your soulmate is anything like you, she’s not going to give up without a fight. You have to trust she can take care of herself right now. That she’ll be fine.”

Din bristles. Trust is not the issue here. There is no one he trusts more than his angel—not Bo-Katan, not Ahsoka, not even Kuiil. The issue is he’s being asked to deny the instinct to shield her from danger which is woven into every cell of his being.

“She’ll be fine.” The words come out sounding sharp around the edges, cutting his tongue like shrapnel. “Everything will be fine.”

Bo-Katan disconnects the whipcord and rises to full height, apparently satisfied by his agreement. Din pushes himself onto his feet at a slower pace, his hand still shaking as if it's electric. He looks down at it, noticing for the first time the flesh is gone, replaced entirely by shadow. His expression tightens as he observes the change, realizing the black tendrils are slowly creeping up towards his wrist.

An alarm rings out, reverberating off the canyon walls like an explosion. Din’s gaze snaps up just as Ahsoka lands on the ground in a defensive crouch. Now that it's been fully unveiled, the door bears a striking resemblance to ones he’s seen at military fortresses across the galaxy, ridiculously massive to intimidate enemies and impenetrable from outside attacks. It makes sense, he thinks with a scoff, someone as power-hungry as Gideon claiming an abandoned base as their lair. Without the wardings, Din is able to detect the massive number of souls gathering on the other side, resembling vermin crawling over one another in their haste to arm themselves.

He searches for his angel’s soul, even just a glimpse of her bright light, only for his powers to instead encounter a massive cloud of dark, negatively-charged energy within a distant corner of the underground tunnel system. It fills an entire room, prohibiting him from sensing if anyone is inside. There is something strangely familiar about the energy, like he’s encountered its essence before, but he can’t recall the specifics of when or where.

“It’s time.”

Ahsoka’s voice reels his focus back to his physical surroundings. He notices the way her grip on her sabers tightens in anticipation and out of the corner of his eye Bo-Katan withdraws her blasters from their holsters.

The bottom of the door begins to raise with an earsplitting groan, but the mercenaries only wait the minimum amount of time it takes to pass under without hitting their heads to start charging forward.

Every mortal has a beginning and an end just like everything else in the galaxy. These mercenaries are no exceptions, having long sealed their fates when they agreed to accept Gideon’s payment. So when Din’s shadowy hand phases through a man’s chest and tears his heart out of its cavity, staining the white salt under their feet crimson as blood bursts from the vacant hole, Din tells himself he’s simply fulfilling destiny.

He repeats it when he discharges an assault of whistling birds, each one puncturing the throats of each target they encounter with a shrill warcry. And also when he rips a devaronian’s horn out of his head, a fragment of skull and bits of brain matter still gruesomely attached.

Again and again, with each permanently silenced voice and every shattered fragile bone, destiny is fulfilled.

Din would be lying if he said he’s never wondered what it would be like to die. To pass on from this world into a new realm for him to explore. He’s imagined the idyllic afterlife mortals have written poems and novels about, describing it as a blissful safe haven where sorrow and tragedy have no definition because they do not exist. He’s familiar with their opinions of damnation’s appearance, too, as an infernal place of fire and brimstone and screaming.

They were wrong about that.

Damnation is not a distant hell. It is found in an underground lair on Crait.

Instead of flames and sulfur, a Cupid’s blood is split and a soulmate bond is snapped in half.

Instead of screaming, a madman laughs.

“I’ve waited so long for this moment,” Gideon says through his chuckles, hauling himself onto his feet. His voice is an abrasive rasp, as if he’s shredded his vocal cords by screaming. “I’ve had to be patient, wait to find your weakness so I could catch your attention. It’s a shame, really, she had to be the one you fell for. She was quite the little spitfire.”

Din stares at his soulmate’s motionless body, frozen in place. Please, he pulls at his severed half of the bond, resolutely ignoring how cold it feels. Open your eyes, angel. Don’t leave me. Please.

There is no response. Just heartbreaking silence.

“I sense your anger, your hurt, and grief. Those are mortal emotions.” The Seraph grimaces in disgust, then lets out a low hiss when he agitates the wounds on his face. “By living amongst their kind you’ve forgotten your true potential. You are not their equal, Death. You are their superior. Immortals are meant to be better than them. To rule over every aspect of their pitiful lives.”

“I don’t want to rule anyone,” Din says, dragging his eyes away from his angel to glare at Gideon. Both his hands begin to shake as his mind plunges into a gaping abyss of remorse and despair. “I just want a life with her.”

“Even dead, she continues to blind you.”

Din snarls viciously in response. His control is pushed closer to the brink, holding on by mere fingertips, and darkness engulfs the entire room as a result.

The glow of the Darksaber persists, reflecting off his beskar and Gideon’s armor. It reminds him of moonlight, and he thinks for all that Bo-Katan warned him about the weapon’s sinful qualities, she did not mention its beauty. Even Ahsoka’s vision had failed to truly capture its radiance, just as a holovid can never compete with a face-to-face conversation.

His powers are drawn to the Darksaber. The energy it emits matches the one encountered earlier when searching the tunnels for his angel’s aura. This close, there is no ignoring its familiarity, not when his brain feels seconds away from exploding.

“I used to believe love conquers all,” Gideon prattles on, seemingly oblivious to Din’s torment. “I chose it as the Cupid motto because I thought there was nothing mortals cared more about than the health and happiness of their loved ones. Only after our fateful encounter did the Lightsaber reveal to me the truth.”

Lightsaber? Din’s head jerks up to stare at him, biting back a wince when the throbbing in the back of his mind intensifies at the movement. Does Gideon not realize the weapon has transformed?

By connecting Ahsoka’s claim that Gideon didn’t fully understand the consequence of corrupting the Lightsaber with Bo-Katan’s explanation that the Darksaber deceives its wielder, the answer is an obvious one: he doesn’t.

Gideon mistakes Din’s confusion for interest and his lips slowly curl into a smile. “Mors aeterna. It means—”

“Death is eternal.” The translation slips unbiddenly from Din’s lips before he even realizes his mouth has opened.

“There is no one more feared or respected than you. But for what reason? What have you done to earn your reputation?” Gideon demands, spit flying as his anger flares. “You are no more than the universe’s favorite puppet. Mindlessly obedient to its every demand.”

Hearing the truth always hurts, but hearing it from Gideon is especially torturous. Din’s creed to the universe has dictated his actions the entirety of his existence. He never fought against its orders, never thought of his own desires as more important than what it wanted.

Until he matched with his soulmate. She changed his priorities and shifted the center of his entire world by revealing to him even Death could experience love.

There had been no hesitation when he broke his creed for her.

And he doesn’t hesitate breaking Ahsoka’s promise now.

“I just murdered your soulmate right in front of you and you do nothing. Did you ever love her at all?”

“I do.”

Din summons every trace of power and darkness he possesses and combines them together within his core—a volatile, pulsating mass of pure chaos. His beskar armor starts to crack and chip away, unable to withstand the increasing pressure.

He thinks of his angel’s smiling face, the sound of her laughter, how bright her soul shines, and he thinks all those things are gone now. Not even a chance to say goodbye.

“More than anything.”

And Death lets go.

Series Tag List: @stardust-and-starlight, @adrieunor, @remmyswritings, @rhiannon-russo, @maytheglitter, @eleinemk, @becauseican2, @kay2304, @odelia-d32, @nicotinebirds, @computeringturtle, @absurdthirst, @linkpk88, @bethany2002, @spideysimpossiblegirl, @imthedoctorlove, @fishsficrecs, @sarahjkl82-blog, @reblogggs, @annathewitch

Permanent Tag List: @promiscuoussatan, @vintagesaph, @sylphene, @over300books, @aerynwrites, @softly-sad, @chibi-yuki, @theocatkov, @oh-no-a-whovian, @freeshavocadoooo, @you-and-i-deserve-the-world, @lin-djarin, @happiestsparkleofall, @randomness501, @gallowsjoker, @rogertaylorsfalsettogivesmehives, @captain-jebi, @leilei-draws, @coaaster, @stilllivindue2spite, @pointy-sharp, @melobee, @artsymaddie, @disgruntledspacedad

#death and an angel #my fic #Din Djarin #din x you #din x reader #din djarin x you #din djarin x reader #the mandalorian #the mandalorian x reader #pedro pascal character fanfiction

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sarcasticfina · 3 years ago

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Fic Writer Tag Game

How many works do you have on AO3? 263

What’s your total AO3 word count? 4,901,188

How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they? including the fandoms on FFnet, that haven't yet been moved over to ao3, that'd be a total of 37. separating the larger fandoms (marvel, dcu) into their individual parts: Thor; Arrow; Smallville; The Vampire Diaries; Glee; Captain America; Supernatural; Teen Wolf; Iron Man; Life with Derek; Firefly; Friday Night Lights; X-Men; Fantastic Four; Harry Potter; Sons of Anarchy; Girl Meets World; Batman; Daredevil; From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series; Transformers; Lost Girl; Game of Thrones; Banshee; High School Musical; The OC; One Tree Hill; CSI: New York; Degrassi; Gossip Girl; NCIS; The Unusuals; Criminal Minds; iCarly; Secret Life of the American Teenager; Twilight; and The Listener

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. and I wonder (if everything could ever feel this real forever) - darcy/bucky - Steve tells him that Darcy's harmless. Bucky imagines, on paper, Darcy is harmless. HYDRA wouldn't give her a second glance. But he does. He can barely keep his eyes off her. He's not sure he wants to. | Kudos: 5576

2. I Climbed The Tree To See The World (When The Gusts Came Around To Blow Me Down, I Held On As Tightly As You Held On To Me) - darcy centric | darcy/steve - The path to self-discovery, including becoming Coulson's assistant-slash-liaison-slash-bff, Captain America's lady love, and rating fourth on the SHIELD BAMF scale, was like the yellow brick road; it was chaos and confusion around every bend. | Kudos: 3973

3. Take a little piece of my heart (and keep it for yourself) - oliver/felicity - A collection of Olicity prompts on Tumblr posted here for easier access/reading. | Kudos: 3498

4. You put your arms around me (and I'm home) - darcy/bucky - A collection of Darcy/Bucky oneshots, drabbles, and prompt fills. | Kudos: 3293

5. you (anchor me back down) - darcy/bucky - "I'll be right back." Famous last words. | Kudos: 2747

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? not all of them. i do try to keep up on them, especially on longer stories when there's been significant wait times in between chapters, or when a reader is asking a question or is unclear on something. and especially when someone writes a really indepth comment/review, i like to respond to those and talk about motivations and character growth.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? I've written a number of fics that either had suicide or major character death, so i'm not sure if one outranks the other in terms of most angsty... hmm... i remember "be still and know that I'm with you (be still and know that I am here)" and "light a match, burn the world to ash (I will watch it die, and hold your hand as I fly)" both got some pretty intense reactions when they were posted. And "It's Your Song That Sets Me Free (I Sing It While I Feel I Can't Go On)" was basically just angst from beginning to end. buuuuut, i think i'll say "so you think you can tell (heaven from hell" was, only because there's a build up of everything going so right, only to pivot at the end, so it feels very bittersweet.

Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written? i loooooove crossovers. i find writing in the marvel fandom makes things quite easy, but also smallville. as long as i can find a common thread, i enjoy finding a way to overlap two shows. i'll say the hardest one to write was "ruby red slippers (unavailable in her size)." I'm not sure why, but i found writing each personality together just felt strange. i liked the idea behind the story, but i definitely remember feeling like i was really forcing myself to keep going, like something just didn't fit right.

Have you ever received hate on a fic? oh, definitely. you cannot please everyone, it's impossible. for the most part, hate comes and i either argue back, take the criticism for what it's worth, or just ignore it when it's baseless. i think the hate that bothered me the most was a homophobic PM someone sent me re: "you know I will adore you ('til eternity)," on FFnet. i actually went and searched it up. they've since blocked me so i can't read our whole thread back and forth. but i did put part of it on tumblr so i could rant on it a bit, so you can see that here.

Do you write smut? If so what kind? ha. yes. depending on the story, it can be really detailed or really flowery. it depends on the ship, the plot, and how graphic i feel like being. i've definitely become more comfortable over the years with my writing. that said, i think everybody likes something different. i once had a reviewer tell me a sex scene was too much, just too intense. it was a stefan/caroline story and to be fair, that entire oneshot was just them fucking, lol, but it is what it is. to each their own.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Multiple times.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! for the record, i am always happy to have my stories translated and shared. i just like having a link sent to me and to be credited.

What’s your all time favorite ship? i have a list of OTPs, because interests change and as shows come and go, my love for a ship can be shelved for a while before it pops back up at random. currently, i can't get enough of buck/eddie from 9-1-1. and, historically, chloe/oliver (smallville) and felicity/oliver (arrow) have been two of my top OTPs. but i think i'd have to go with bonnie/damon. they had all the potential and the show dropped the ball by not exploring it. at the same time, that's kind of a blessing, because i don't trust those writers to properly explore what they had without eventually destroying it for the likes of de/ena. it means a treasure trove for writing where it could have gone and all the what if's.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will? the intention is always to finish. but given how i feel about allison mack and how that impacts my feelings re: chloe sullivan, pretty much anything with her as a main character is not something i see myself returning to.

What are your writing strengths? What are your writing weaknesses? i'm putting these together because my strength is my weakness. i love to write. when i get an idea, i go all in and i will skip eating and sleeping to just write write write. but i also eventually hit a wall and i get so many ideas that i hyperfocus on one until the steam is gone and then i hyperfocus on the next one to maintain that need to keep writing, accidentally leaving the last story in the dust for entirely too long. i also have clinical depression that comes and goes, which hasn't been super great mixed with covid and isolation, so more often recently, i find myself overly exhausted and despite wanting to write, can rarely get motivated to do so. so, pre-covid, wrote so much i left entirely too many stories dangling. during covid, i've just been reading and struggling to get myself focused enough to do what i love.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? i appreciate the authenticity when possible, but i've recently been reading more about how native speakers of other languages feel when a) their language is butchered by google translate, or b) it's just not genuine in terms of how bilingual speakers act or speak.

What was the first fandom you’ve written for? it was smallville, but i remember adopting it out to someone else because i wasn't going to finish it. so if you look at my ffnet, the first fandom i wrote for appears to be x-men: the movie, but i remember writing a chloe/oliver story prior to that.

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written? i have a lot. i mean, on ffnet, i have 576 stories, many of which were transferred over to ao3, with a lot of oneshots and drabbles getting joined together into collections. so there's a ton to pick from that span a 14-ish year timeline.

"you know I will adore you ('til eternity)" and "let me break (the walls that surround me)" hold a special place in my heart.

honestly, each story is important in its own way. there are bits and pieces of each that i love. every time i write something new it feels like my favorite. my best. and then a new idea comes along. there are scenes i've written that i loved more than the whole of what they became. lines that stand out that are almost too good to be a part of the larger picture.

one of my all time favorite passages i've written was bonnie's thoughts on damon and herself in 'if you love me (let me go)":

He is far from perfect. He is a novel of red, corrective ink. He is frayed pages and torn binding. His life, his choices, his mistakes leave lasting effects on everyone he meets.

She is a lifeboat with a hole in it. An anchor that drowns in the sea while everyone else remains steady above. She is both the calm and the storm, and while she screams that she will not be tamed, she cries. Bittersweet tears that go unnoticed and uncared about.

there are other stories, other pieces of dialogue, that i've been proud of. that make me laugh when i re-read them. that make me cry. and i love them. there are others that make me wilt and cringe and regret. it's a process. love and pride and growth, all bound together.

Tagging: @absentlyabbie, @anonymous033, and anyone else who'd like to fill this all out, haha

#fic writer tag game #long post

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berrykook · 4 years ago

Text

over love (y!jk)

part 2 to overtime

in which you are becoming sick from having some trouble adjusting to life with jungkook and you are both frustrated

contents: yandere!jungkook, kidnapping, vomit, stockholm syndrome, jinkook r kinda mean sorry :(

word count: 5.6k

a/n: hey thanks to everyone who followed and/or liked, reblogged, or somehow commented on overtime! i appreciate the kind words

i’m terrible with writing requests, but feel free to leave some yandere requests in my inbox and i might just write some drabbles

to keep things consistent on here i wrote this stoned and i ended up referring to jin in like 3000 different ways ok dr. kim is kim seokjin and sheriff kim is kim taehyung and who knows perhaps i will expand on this little universe who knows i sure don’t

the writing goes a bit back and forth bc i wanted to show reader’s struggle with how she feels towards jk

not much is going on here plot-wise bc it’s not a chaptered fic but either way lmk wat ppl think! ;p

*☆*ﾟ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ

You weren’t sure how he managed to do it but on some day during the second month, Jungkook had begun testing your patience before you had even completely woken up. You hadn’t even opened your eyes when a blistering tug of frustration began twisting in your chest. Immediately, your eyes shut tighter and you burrowed yourself into the fluffy, sweet-smelling sheets. Although lately, just the slightest hint of Jungkook’s scent made you nauseous.

Seeing you cuddling into his pillow set off an explosion in Jungkook’s chest as he cooed and hugged you closer from on top of the covers.

“Baby, no! It’s time to get up!” He giggled as he ran his hands all along your back, ass, thighs, calves and finally, your feet. “Come on, darling, it’s morning.” A wet kiss on your ankle had you clawing your way out from under the blankets. Jungkook’s alarm clock displayed a later time than it usually did, yet you still managed less than thirty minutes of sleep. It was better than some nights.

Jungkook jumped at the opportunity to sloppily kiss your face. “Good morning, sweetheart!” Another kiss to the top of your cheekbone. “Did my baby get some sleep?” He ran his fingers through your hair, trying his best to mind the tangles.

You looked over to him and sadly gave a slight shake of your head. He cooed sympathetically, kissing all along your hairline. One of his hands dropped down to rest dangerously close to your ass.

“Oh, sweetie. At least after today, I’ll have some more time to help you fix your sleeping schedule! Maybe the new house will help you adjust better.” His kisses stay above your jawline, but slow significantly. He hums, and you have yet to speak a word.

He grabs your hand and intertwines it with his. “Let’s get you some food. Maybe it’ll help you feel sleepy?” He guides you up and leads you to the adjacent bathroom. “I’ll be in the kitchen, princess. You better be eating in less than ten minutes!” You felt your eyes shutting at the sound of his receding voice. Peace was nearest when Jungkook was far.

You must have fallen asleep for a moment because it seemed that seconds later, Jungkook was rapping his knuckles on the bathroom door.

“Honey? Are you okay?” His voice is soft, almost hesitant. It always makes you wonder how he manages to hide away his deep disturbance and perversion. “Sweetheart…”

You have been sitting cross-legged on the bathroom floor since you left the bed. Your toothbrush has remained stagnant on your tongue. You make a pitiful sounding moan and Jungkook gasps as he opens the door.

“Are you sick? Oh no, baby...aw, come here…” he takes a knee and holds you close to his chest. Your head is spinning from the lack of sleep still, so you cuddle into him just slightly. You can feel the stiffness of the shirt you ironed against his torso and jealousy burns in your stomach. The ladies at the office must be running around like chickens with their heads cut off as the police’s search for you still has “zero leads” over two months in. You yearned to just sit at your desk once more and complete some busy work. Anything would be better than rotting in Jungkook’s apartment. “What’s wrong?”

You moan softly and Jungkook’s hands around you jerk a bit. “Head hurts. Didn’t sleep.” You are unsure how Jungkook could possibly understand your mumbling from his chest. “So tired...” you whisper, leaning more of your weight on him. He sighs.

This had become a common morning routine in the Jeon residence. Jungkook was constantly worried sick about you, checking the security cameras from work like a madman as you had yet to sleep at any reasonable hour in the time you had been moved into his place. Jungkook tried cuddling you to sleep, changing his mattress, working from home, cooking new food, and everything under the sun in an attempt to help you sleep and adjust to life with him. So far, nothing had been successful - sleeping pills had just barely helped, but you didn’t like the way they made you feel in the morning and Jungkook wanted to scream at the thought of you not waking up in time to kiss him goodbye for the day.

“Sweetheart, I should really go to work today...you know I have to…” Jungkooks moves you onto his lap, bouncing you for a moment as if you were a babe on his hip. “I’m so sorry...I’m trying to make it all better.” You rise from his chest dizzily, smiling weakly at him. His heart began to race and you giggled, mocking him internally for this delusion that his presence would help your sleeping problem. He giggled back and pinched your nose. “Let’s go to the kitchen, yeah?” He plucked the toothbrush from your mouth and held onto the small of your back as you finished washing up. Wrapping your legs around his waist, he carried you over to the kitchen. You had to push aside the nausea to smile and force down the breakfast Jungkook spent an extra hour in the morning making for you.

The house was silent save for Jungkook’s soft humming and shuffling about. He cooked, cleaned, worked, and had no complaints. Jungkook was fulfilled just by the thought of coming home to you greeting him at the door each night (of course, it was his threat of keeping you chained up like a bitch if you didn’t greet him that motivated you to wait on him so). Typically, you spent all day sitting around, letting the hours melt away until Jungkook came back from work and that hanging feeling in your chest began to throb until he left you alone again. However, your steadfast decline in energy had him frequently coming back home during his lunch hours and bothering you with his presence more often. You were sure that he came back some days just to watch you sleep in the middle of the day. He would be gone when you awakened, but you just knew he had been there, watching.

“I think we should celebrate tonight, don’t you think?” He was back at his favorite position (behind you) slowly rubbing his hands over your tummy. He kissed your cheek wetly and you coughed to hide the shiver running down your spine.

“Celebrate what?” You turned your head slightly to look at him - how he adored recieving just a modicum of your attention!

He wiped the corner of your lips and sucked on his finger (you were sure he had no reason to do so as you were not a messy eater). “Celebrate our last day in this home, silly,” he murmured sweetly, stealing a piece of your french toast for himself. He moaned comically, praising his own mediocre cooking. You spent a significant amount of your remaining energy into smiling warmly at him and turning around to hug him properly. Jungkook gasped lightly as he was under the impression that you were still “too nervous” to be affectionate with him. You let out a slow breath, holding back the contents of your stomach with a whimper. Jungkook kissed the crown of your head, blissfully unaware of how he made you sick.

“Don’t we usually celebrate when we finish moving into the new house?” You cross your fingers behind his back in hopes to extend whatever “celebration” Jungkook had been plotting.

Jungkook never pressured you sexually, but there was a lingering fear within you that he would snap and demand something from you. You knew from the moans he let out whenever you touched that he expected something, at least someday. You, however, had no intentions of that nature whatsoever...even as you begged your mind not to fall victim to his love, you couldn’t fathom the thought of laying together with him. Jungkook laughs.

“Well, we can celebrate both! Why don’t you get some sleep and when I come home, we’ll throw together a nice dinner and I’ll bring home something to drink, huh? Come on, baby, it’s our last night here...this place is special,” he says wistfully, taking in the white walls and clean carpet. “This is our first home together.” He smiles down at you, brushing your hair behind your ears. He ignores the sweat that pools at your temples.

“Ah,” you say in understanding before pushing him off of you and running to the bathroom. There it was - the first anxiety-induced vomiting session of the day. You heard Jungkook stomping after you from your seat on the bathroom tiles. Of all the places in the apartment where Jungkook harassed you, this place felt the most like home - the most familiar.

“Oh no, baby! Ah, it’s okay, it’s okay...you’ll feel better soon.” He worked on tying your hair back and holding you from behind, one hand rubbing your stomach and the other hand between your shoulder blades. You tried your best to ignore him, hoping that this was one step closer to your body giving up and dying so you would finally be away from him.

You didn’t have much to expel so it was too soon that Jungkook was helping you wash your mouth out and get back into bed.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie...I’ll tell Hoseok that my last day can wait. You’re more important,” he giggled, touching his nose to yours. “I’ll text Seokjin-hyung to come over and see what’s going on.” Jungkook laid in bed with you, hovering over you as you placed yourself in the fetal position. Your heart picked up a beat.

“No, Jungkook,” you mumbled angrily. You cursed yourself for letting your irritation be known. Jungkook’s hand stopped brushing through your hair. Did he really have to be touching you all the time?

“What do you mean ‘no?’” His tone dropped a few degrees and you held back a groan as you gripped his hand from your head and held it to your chest in an attempt to placate him. He huffed angrily like a child.

“No, as in you should say goodbye to your coworkers. They love you.” You looked up at him with sad eyes and he laughed gleefully, cooing and fawning over you as he always did.

“Oh, baby! You’re so considerate, aw…there’s no way I’m leaving you when you’re sick like this! Hobi can just tell the ladies at the office that my last day is actually tomorrow and I was spending today sorting out my apartment, or whatever he figures out. Easy! I don’t mind staying here one or two more nights if it means comfortable travels for my healthy sweetheart.”

You buried your face into your pillow, groaning as you realized that the person who made you sick would be hovering over you for several more days as the move out of his apartment would begin soon and he would be out of work. You were empty, but nausea still plagued your body as your fear of Jungkook made its rounds.

Jungkook sighed deeply, lightly massaging the back of your neck. “I know, baby, you must feel so sick…I’m sorry...let me get Jin-hyung in here right away!” He bounded off to get his phone from his work bag at the front door. His booming footsteps echoed in your head.

The drive to fight and escape, admittedly, never burned through you. It had been two months since that night in the parking garage and Jungkook was even moving the two of you into a new house (a hillside house in Busan at that), yet you barely made any attempts at escaping at all. Jungkook loved you deeply and made that clear in every sentence, every gesture, every movement - but there was a part of him who despised you, too. The part of him that came out whenever you expressed annoyance or disdain towards him - even just disagreeing with him could reveal this nasty side to him in which he would yell, cry, or threaten you until you were crying and being comforted in his arms. An inkling of an idea for remaining in Seoul burned in the back of your mind, but it made you writhe with anxiety at the thought of his reaction. His loud footsteps grew in volume again as he tried his best to softly land in bed to avoid further agitating your stomach.

He chose to lie beside you, gently picking you up so you could rest on top of him. The sound of his heartbeat was deafening against your dizzy head.

“Jin-hyung is on his way and Hobi is handling everything at the office,” he mumbled, stroking your back like he always does. He let out soft little hums and pressed gentle kisses to the corner of your mouth. You took a deep calming breath when your heart rate began picking up on its own. Try as you might, Jungkook did at times have an effect on you. You supposed it was some sort of savior complex, partially from that night in the parking garage and partially from how gently he treated you since coming into his home. Before Jungkook, you never viewed yourself as delicate (and for good reason!). However, Jungkook’s tender touches and heartfelt words held some power over you.

“You feeling okay, baby?”

You were on the verge of tears for no apparent reason. Despite Jungkook having made you sick from the moment you woke up, you felt oddly safe in his arms. You felt loved, and the feeling made you even sicker. You buried your face into his chest and hoped he wouldn’t notice your flushed face and teary eyes.

“Aw…” His voice was so soft that you could barely hear it even from his chest. “It’ll be okay, Jin-hyung will help...what else can I do for you, baby? Tell me.” He cradled the back of your head with a large hand. Jungkook’s size was so apparent when you were this close. “Hm?”

His hum in your ear snapped something within you and you let out a sad whimper. Jungkook gasped softly, cooing and patting your back. “Are you gonna be sick again, baby? Aw, it’s okay…” One of his hands made its way to the back of your neck and the floodgates crashed open. You were disgusting. You couldn’t even remember the last time you cried before you met Jungkook and here you were now, crying because...he made you feel good? You suspected that your body was steadily giving up on you and your mind wasn’t very far behind. You’re unsure when you did it, but you had an iron grip on Jungkook’s hand. His thumb rubbed over your hand as he patiently waited for you to gather yourself and speak to him. The small smile on his face made your heart twist and writhe. You supposed Jungkook was just the slightest bit handsome.

You looked like a sick puppy looking up at him from his chest. Jungkook was eager to kiss your pouting lips once you had gathered yourself. He hadn’t filled you in yet, but the sound of your weeping lit a fire under him and aroused him deeply. He chuckled a bit, reaching to wipe a tear from your chin.

“Dunno,” you murmur pitifully after several minutes. You fall so your cheek is flat against his chest and you can no longer look into his eyes. He laughs while softly uttering to himself about how cute you were. It makes you embarrassed and ill at the same time. “I’m sorry. I’m all over the place.”

“I know, I know. The new house is going to be so wonderful for you. #e’re going to be so happy there...did I mention my parents will be nearby? Just a short drive away, baby. They’ll be so excited to be close to their grandchildren...just think about it...we’re so close to that life.” The heartbeat that sent chills up your spine ten minutes ago began to warm your own heart with just a moment’s notice. His whispering calmed you to approach slumber, despite it scaring you into a near insomniac for the past two months. You wondered how you were going to word to Dr. Kim that you were losing your mind.

“Doesn’t that sound nice? Shh, shh, i know you must be feeling so bad right now, but just focus on me...I love you so much, baby. I can’t believe you’re home and safe here with me...I can’t explain how happy you make me. I wonder sometimes if I could ever make you understand. I never want you to ever second-guess yourself or my love for you...I will always be here, baby. I love you so much.”

Jungkook caught any tears from your eyes with lightning speed. You cuddled into him lower towards his ribs and he laughed. “Am I making my baby bashful? Aww, sweetie...I’m just trying to make you feel better...it must be working, right?”

You let out a small noise of disdain. Jungkook fawned over you and continued making you blush until he left with a dozen kisses to get Seokjin at the door.

Jungkook called Dr. Kim in to check up on you at least once a week since you entered the apartment (and still had yet to exit). You liked Dr. Kim to some twisted degree. Of Jungkook’s brothers, he was the one you disliked the least - Hoseok, your old boss, was a dick to you since the day you met him and was also the ultimate reason why Jungkook knew who you were in the first place (Jungkook mentioned one night that he first saw you at a holiday work party and his favorite photograph of you was from that night and framed by the front door). His other brothers, Sheriff Kim and Detective Min, were key players in tossing your missing persons case in the trash. They had comforted you so kindly that night you were attacked by Jungkook’s favorite brother, Namjoon. Jungkook vaguely mentioned something about one or two more, but you tuned out the conversation about his brothers, horrified, when it was revealed to you that even law enforcement could not free you from Jungkook.

You heard Jungkook and Dr. Kim speaking in hushed voices from the hallway outside Jungkook’s bedroom. Your heart ached and stomach twisted at Jungkook’s worried tone.

“Here she is, hyung,” Jungkook whispered when they finally entered your bedroom. You swaddled yourself with the heavy sheets and raised a hand to wave shyly at Dr. Kim. If only he was not a pawn in Jungkook’s game - if only you had met him some other way. He was devastatingly handsome.

Jungkook sits on the bed, close to you and possessively. Dr. Kim smiled warmly.

“How have you been lately? I hear you’ve had some more trouble sleeping?”

You nod gingerly, smiling awkwardly as Jungkook stayed rooted to the bed. He looked at you with concern, blissfully unaware that he should not be in the room.

“I slept for 30 minutes, Dr. Kim.” You are bashful and Jungkook notices immediately.

“She threw up again this morning...I’m so worried, hyung.” Jungkook was practically laying on top of you at this point. His body desperately attempted to show Seokjin that you belonged to him and nobody could love you like he does.

“Ah, I see, I see.” You could tell that Dr. Kim also wanted Jungkook to step out. “Well...my question. How do you feel?” Dr. Kim addresses you by your first name and the sound hangs in the air, foreign to you at this point. Jungkook called you your given name at times, but mostly when you were being defiant and he was threatening you somehow.

Jungkook became more alert because of this and opened his mouth to respond before getting cut off by Seokjin raising his hand to stop him. You twiddle your thumbs.

“I don’t know,” you mumble nervously.

Before Jungkook, you prided yourself on your independence and your swift thinking and problem-solving skills. You had no desire for dating at this quintessential time period of your life and you focused most of your energy on bettering yourself and maintaining a well-rounded life.

Now, it seemed like just Jungkook’s presence regressed your mind years back. You felt deep, deep fear and hatred towards him and his psychotic nature, but you also felt yourself wrapping around his finger. He took care of you well and didn’t ask for much. He managed the apartment, money, food, everything all by himself and all he ever wanted from you was your love. He was terrifying when he was angry and you still hadn’t figured out a way to escape safely and make it more than ten paces from his apartment. You were sure that Sheriff Kim and Detective Min were watching you almost as closely as Jungkook did. You were hopeless and you knew this from the first night you set foot in Jungkook’s home. You weren’t sure how you felt at all. Life no longer felt real.

“That’s okay. Take your time,” Dr. Kim said softly after a moment. You felt yourself tearing up at his kindness and from the pressure to speak. Jungkook reached for your hands, pulling them apart to stop you from picking at your hangnails. You let out a sad sound and Dr. Kim folded his hands, waiting patiently for you to come forward and speak your truth.

“I don’t know...I don’t know. Really,” you whimpered, trying to steady your voice. You sighed in frustration, embarrassed at having cried so much this early in the morning.

Dr. Kim made a noise of understanding and asked Jungkook to step out into the hall with him. You stared at them as they walked out, jealous that you did not have the right to know about your own health. You forced yourself to sit up past the dizziness and listen to their conversation.

“She’s coming along nicely. Keep doing what you’re doing and she should come around completely soon.”

You fell back onto your pillows once you heard Dr. Kim say this to Jungkook.

“Yuri was the same way with me and Namjoon had a similar experience with Ara. Don’t worry, Kookie, she’ll be fine. Putting her in her place more often should do the trick. You know about Hobi’s favorite method, yes?”

“Are you sure? She’s sick! I can tell she’s still repulsed by me sometimes...I don’t want to push her too far. You saw how messy it was with Taehyung…” Jungkook sounded close to tears. Perhaps he was as sensitive with others as he was with you.

“It won’t be like what happened with Taehyung. She’s a tough nut to crack. You need to take it a step further. Think about it...you should never be disrespected in your own home.”

Your heart twinged at the thought of how kind Dr. Kim had been since you first met and how lowly he spoke of you now. The thin wood of the bedroom door was not nearly enough to deafen the sting of his hissing. You could practically hear the cogs turning in Jungkook’s head.

They continued to converse about things you had no context on and at times, Jungkook’s wild emotions would run free and he would passionately describe how saddened he was that you weren’t adjusting well to his home. You tried to tune out his crying. They seemed to discuss some sort of plan to “put you in your place,” but you barely cared anymore. You just wanted your mind to unravel completely already so you could succumb to Jungkook and accept your fate with him. There was no hope for escape. There never was.

“Think about it, Jungkook. I’m serious. I’ll be back next week, okay?”

You heard their voices retreat and Dr. Kim was then gone without having said goodbye to you. Whatever. His beauty could never outweigh how strongly he believed you were somehow below Jungkook. You heard Jungkook’s heavy footsteps stop in front of the bedroom door for a moment as if he were hesitating. He came in slowly.

“Baby? I spoke with Jin-hyung,” he uttered. You turned on your side, pretending to be asleep. “Oh,” he breathed, seeing your eyes closed.

Seokjin had just finished handing his ass to him about being more stern with you and breaking you down faster so he could win you over already. Of himself, Namjoon, and Hoseok, none of them had taken as long as Jungkook to win over the hearts of their partners. He sighed, exiting the room to help you sleep. You both had a lot of work to do.

You woke up several hours later to Jungkook quietly raging in the living room at his TV. Despite being deeply invested in his game, he felt your presence immediately and set his game aside, standing in place and staring you down.

“Honey,” he exhaled anxiously. “Did you sleep well?”

You nodded slightly before awkwardly shuffling off to find food. Jungkook bounded after you quickly. His eyes darted around nervously as he tried to figure out what to say.

“S-so, the move has been delayed just a day...tomorrow, I’ll go into work for my last day and we can start the move the next day.” From the way you apathetically fluttered about the kitchen deciding what to eat, Jungkook felt like he was talking to himself. “Are you feeling better, sweetheart?” He stood much too close to you, so you let out a soft noise of acknowledgement as you pressed a hand against his chest to softly guide him a step back.

His conversation with Seokjin earlier filled him with anxiety and your behavior didn’t help him in the slightest. If anything, he felt his anger begin to rise inside of him. He took a deep breath, attempting to delay his boiling point.

“I said, are you feeling better, sweetheart?” For a moment, you stopped rummaging through Jungkook’s fridge as his icy tone ran down your spine. He huffed when you continued going about making yourself a sandwich as if he wasn’t even there.

“Yeah, I feel better,” you mumbled, straining yourself to open a jar of peanut butter. Jungkook looked on angrily, choosing to let you struggle.

“Well, that’s good.” You uneasily continued making your sandwich while Jungkook followed your every move. A part of you knew that you should pay better attention to him so he’s satisfied, but the resistant part of you which so passionately despised Jungkook was not allowing you to give him more than a crumb of your focus.

Jungkook gulped down his irritation to the best of his abilities, but it continued to rear its head at you. Seokjin’s words echoed in his head - you should never be disrespected in your own home.

“Well...I’m home now. What would you like to do today?” Jungkook brought a hand up to his jaw to help soften it.

You figured he didn’t notice that he had a habit of standing as close as humanly possible to you. Sighing lightly, you pressed a hand against his ribs to push him back once again, but an iron grip intertwining your fingers stopped you.

“Don’t do that,” he said in a low tone. You gave him a confused stare, hoping that he would find it cute and have mercy on you.

“Huh? What do you mean?” You tried to sound as soft and sad as possible, praying that you didn’t set him off. He stared down at you with a steely gaze, completely unaffected. Your breath quickened a pace as you wracked your brain for a solution before he was too far gone.

“You don’t love me yet...do you?” It was not a question. Fuck, you thought.

“You know...none of my brothers had such trouble getting their wives to listen to them after they moved in together.” You begged yourself not to giggle - how absurd it was that Jungkook called this anything but a kidnapping. “Jin-hyung said that it has been too long that you’ve been acting this way.” His glare almost made you forget how sweet and gentle Jungkook could be. You wondered if this side of him would ever come out if you let yourself love him too.

“Acting like what?”

“Like you know what!” He snapped. You flinched and he gasped at the sight of you scared.

Jungkook wouldn’t dare put his own hands on you. Oddly enough, he drew the line at hittting you. For some inexplicable reason, you knew deep down that he wouldn’t do it either. Something about you knew that Jungkook did possess at least a percentage of genuine love for you.

“You disrespect me. You think I’m some sort of ugly monster...you still haven’t figured out yet that I actually saved you. You’re too fucking dense to figure out that nobody has ever loved anyone the way that I love you. Too fucking dense to know that this is real...that this type of love doesn’t happen to everyone. You should be fucking grateful. You sh-”

“But I do love you,” you said mousily. You crossed your fingers with the hand that Jungkook was not holding. Jungkook looked as if he had the wind knocked out of him.

It was not true. In this moment, you knew that your hatred for Jungkook far outweighed the gratitude you had to him for that night in the parking garage. You wanted to make him sweat.

Slowly, he raised your intertwined hands to his chest.

“Baby...you don’t mean that…”

You took a deep breath, both to calm yourself and to up your performance.

“I do, Jungkook. I do mean it.”

Jungkook felt a few steps off from bursting into flames with how hard he was blushing - and, you should have known better than to use those two words to Jungkook so early on. He gasped softly, running your intertwined hands back and forth across his heart.

“Sweetheart…” His face contorted as he struggled with his next move. He was torn between punishing you and teaching you to respect him at all times, and punishing himself for cherry-picking a reason to assert dominance over his sweet girl. He whimpered, lower lip trembling embarrassingly. “Uh, you’re so perfect.”

You took your hand from his and cupped his face instead. Jungkook was nearly hyperventilating at this point, so you figured you should cut the act soon.

“Uh, tell me again! Please, please say it again,” he begged, blubbering. You wanted to roll your eyes (you were unsure if it would be of disgust or of endearment) at his ability to bawl at the drop of a hat. “I’m so sorry, p-princess...I didn’t mean to yell at you. Uh, you’re s-...so perfect, please say it again...”

You giggled. “I love you.”

Jungkook sobbed, hiding his face from you for a moment. One of his hands gripped your shoulder as if he were afraid you would drift away.

“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry...I can’t believe I doubted you.” You awkwardly patted Jungkook’s shoulder, giggling some more to lift the mood of the room. He began babbling something about his “goddess” and how he “wasn’t worthy,” but you didn’t bother trying to understand.

“No, I should be apologizing...I should show you more often how much I love you, don’t you think?” You stood a little taller and got closer to his face, but quickly retreated when Jungkook nearly lost control of his breathing again. “I’m sorry, Jungkook. I just get so nervous around you sometimes...I’m going to try harder from now on to show you what I feel for you. Okay?” You grabbed his face again, pulling him to make eye contact with you so he could calm down.

His weeping turned into gleeful laughs with a snap. You let out a breath of relief, having successfully defused the bomb that is Jungkook and saving yourself from whatever it was Seokjin planned on having him do. That sour feeling, that lingering fear of Jungkook also came back stronger with a snap. You prayed he wouldn’t try to kiss you on the lips, knowing your acting skills weren’t yet ready to hide such a level of disgust.

“I don’t know what I was worried about. I should have known that you were just having trouble expressing yourself! Baby...you don’t have to hide how you feel about me. I’ve always known that we were soulmates.”

Jungkook has a dreamy look in his eyes that churns your stomach. You smile awkwardly as he leaned in closer and closer, vibrating with the excitement of receiving his first kiss from you. He even playfully tapped his chin with his finger when you had taken a moment too long.

“J-Jungkook!” You pushed his chest lightly, giggling behind your hands. “Don’t do that...I’m shy, honey…” You looked down at your feet and playfully pushed him again, running off to the bedroom to cringe in private.

For the first time since setting foot in Jungkook’s apartment, a spark of hope ignited within you. Jungkook was completely weak at your slightest gesture. You took his breath away and made him stutter and sweat without even lifting a finger. Jungkook was aware of how deeply he could get under your skin, but he had no idea you knew how deeply you were already under his.

Jungkook called out your given name. “I love you!” He yelled from across the apartment.

You smiled before turning into the bedroom, leaving the door open for him to follow behind.

#yandere jungkook #yandere!jungkook #yandere jeongguk #yandere!jeongguk #yandere bts #yandere!bts

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incomprehensiblelentils · 4 years ago

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@dollsome-does-tumblr does this and opened it up to anyone and I am feeling chatty today SO!

Because I co-write a lot with my lovely wife, I might answer some questions including those co-written stories, or I might not, depends on how I feel when I get there.

name:

Megan but I go by Lentils most places on the internet, Shadowcrawler over on AO3

fandoms:

at the moment: MCU, especially Agents of SHIELD and Daredevil; Terminator: Dark Fate; Halt and Catch Fire. Oh and I wrote Dollhouse fanfics a thousand years ago. Sometimes I will watch a movie/show and think “those two girls should be gay” and bang out 2k of fic about it and then never write for that fandom again. (I THOUGHT this was going to be HACF but as it turns out, no, it’s not done with me yet.)

where you post:

AO3, at Shadowcrawler. I also have a tumblr @lentils-writes where theoretically I post links to fics/advertise them in the tags, because I used to be real precious about not putting porn on this blog, but fuck it.

most popular multi-chapter fic:

Co-written, it’s definitely mallverse, which is I think the reason most writers definitely hate us because it’s very long and there are a lot of tags lmao. The problem is that every tagged character HAS shown up in a significant fashion at some point so we can’t just...untag them! It doesn’t update weekly anymore because we’re exhausted by life lmao so at least there’s that???

As for a multi-chapter fic that was just me, I don’t tend to do that so much, so actually it’s say you will, my 3-chapter Endgame fix-it where Clint dies instead of Natasha and Natasha and Laura have a past. It actually has over 1000 hits which is very exciting! I feel like it’s...niche in a way that is frustrating but understandable lol. I put a lot of my heart into it and some people really liked it, so that’s gratifying.

favorite story you’ve written so far:

Co-written, I think our SHIELD Dollhouse AU is very underrated for the amount of work we put into it. Author bias evident here because I love Dollhouse warts and all, and it’s a lot of fun translating episode plots as well as the general trajectory of the show into stuff that will work with SHIELD characters. We don’t just rewrite episodes, we really try and rework them as needed. Also it features both Skimmons and my beloved rarepair Bobbi/Kara, though of course they won’t get together until later.

Of my own stuff, I’m still really really proud of the AU where Kara Palamas didn’t die. I think that was a pretty severe misstep of the show and I think I did a good job of fixing it. (I haven’t forgotten Kara, promise!)

fic you were nervous to post:

lolololol I wrote some uh. Terminator pornography last year and. They are very porny! I had co-written a bunch of smut obviously, but that was the first time I’d posted like, PWP all by myself on purpose??? and that was TERRIFYING. Also I was very nervous to post the Engame fix-it because that was my own personal goodbye/tribute to Natasha.

how you choose your titles:

They are always either song lyrics or jokes (such as Three Lawyers and a Baby, my Daredevil Accidental Baby Acquisition fic). My WIP docs are always titled either obvious shit like “RoseJannah horse girls” or memes like “what if we belonged to a fire cult and we fucked haha just kidding unless...?” or “Morgan has two mommies.”

do you outline?:

B and I typically outline for the co-written fics, although it’s more often chapter-by-chapter outlines since that’s how we write them. On occasion we’ve fully planned multi-chapter stuff out in advance but that’s less common. Oh and the one-shots are nearly always outlined as well, just to keep ourselves organized.

When I have written planned multi-chapter fics in the past I have used outlines - particularly for the Kara one and I had to do that for the SHIELD Kill Bill AU because I was trying to follow the format of the movie. For things that are allegedly supposed to be one-shots I almost never outline, which turns out to be a terrible idea when they inevitably balloon beyond my control and become 45k like say you will. That one, I wrote out a list of scenes I thought needed to be in it and then I wrote about 75% of those scenes and then I wrote a bunch more scenes I hadn’t planned for. Don’t be like me, kids!

complete fics:

According to AO3, 89 as of right now. Uh, you do not want me to list all of them, here’s a link, I guess!

in progress:

I don’t understand what the difference is between this question and the WIP questions lmao help????

posted WIPs that I have active plans to continue at this time:

Cowritten: mallverse as I said, and its femslash smut oneshots spinoff and character flashbacks spinoff and older characters/teachers spinoff (these get updated, uh, irregularly), the first half of a Piper/Snowflake SHIELD s7 fic that we are planning on finishing the second half of soonish, SHIELD Dollhouse AU, SHIELD Teen Beach AU, SHIELD Buffy AU. You may notice a pattern!

By myself, I have: Have Your Elf a Merry Little Christmas, a Terminator Hallmark Christmas fic that I ambitiously posted the first chapter of in 2019 and then lost steam immediately (I am going to go back to it sooner or later bc I had some cute ideas for it); the SHIELD Fate of the Furious AU that has one chapter to go and which I do intend on finishing eventually; Three Lawyers and a Little Lady, the Daredevil Accidentally Baby Acquisition AU that is literally just cute kidfic and poly avocados and which I have a bunch of ideas for and just need to buckle down and finish some.

posted WIPs that I have given up on:

Lol so there’s a Dollhouse Caroline/Bennett Doctor Who AU that I wrote purely as idfic and which nobody ever cared about except me, and I think that ship has sailed! RIP darlings. I also had an ongoing Skimmons series waaaay back when where I posted oneshots that were like missing scenes or gay readings for each s1 episode, and I just feel like it would be inauthentic to even try and finish it at this point. (It does include the first ever Skimmons fic to be posted on AO3! Really truly, there’s one fic that shows up as older but it’s an ongoing fic and was updated with the tag way after I posted mine.)

exchange fics due soon/unrevealed:

I haven’t done an exchange since like 2015 lololol I am so bad at them. I am currently working on finishing up my MCU Femslash bingo card, very late, and I do have plans for almost all of the remaining squares!

WIPs that live in my fanfic folder and are incomplete and who knows when they’ll be finished:

“RoseJannah horse girls,” which has been put on hold temporarily but is literally just Rose and Jannah being gay while riding orbaks

half of a Daisy/Gwen fic from Marvel Rising because I know they’re not making any more of those but I stg those two were really gay

multiple fics about Elise Nelson-Page including: avocados Halloween with smol Elise, Aunt Elektra very reluctantly taking smol Elise shopping until she realizes smol Elise also likes weapons (she buys her a fake katana), Uncle Frank is a pushover and spoils the shit out of Elise, and baby Elise has a high fever and everyone freaks out but then she gets better and smile at them for the first time (inspired by baby me lol).

coming soon/not yet started:

“Morgan has two mommies,” yet another Endgame fix-it where Maya Hansen did not die in Iron Man 3 and she resurfaces and she and Pepper kiss and eventually she adopts Morgan

Claire and Colleen go on a nice date to get coffee/tea where Danny doesn’t interrupt them goddammit

Bobbi/Kara Warehouse 13 AU which is sort of like “For the Team” but gayer ft. grappling hook

X-Men: Evolution Tabby/Amara fluff

Cameron/Donna character study disguised as smut

Grace proposes to Dani with a ring made out of the metal from her power source and Carl officiates the wedding

Dani gets horny watching Grace eat a peach and jerks off and Grace ends up hearing her and then they fuck (I have been calling this “the peach fic” in my head but I gotta stop being delicate about it lmfao it is just porn)

B and I have plans to do a Nico/Karolina Jasper in Deadland AU but we keep forgetting

I MUST WRITE FOGGY AND KAREN SADLY FUCKING IN A CHURCH WHILE THEY MOURN MATT THIS YEAR I STG

do you accept prompts:

uhhhhhh I have on occasion written a prompt for someone before but it’s pretty rare and I have enough trouble writing the shit I come up with in my own head lol. but never say never?

upcoming story you are most excited to write:

I’ve got a bit of the Bobbi/Kara Warehouse fic written and it’s nice to go back to that world. Also I’m weirdly excited about the Cam/Donna smutty character study I mentioned above, I have a lot of what I think are good ideas for it and it’ll be fun.

tagging @unwind-myself @swiftzeldas @swashbucklery @loved-the-stars-too-fondly and, if you want to, you!

#sometimes I write things

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sengenweek · 5 years ago

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SenGen Week: Day 02

Day 02: December 30

Cell phones / clothing/palette/role/etc swap

-’-

Title: Unfulfilled Reality.

-’-

A/N: Five fun facts about this chapter before beginning (you can skip them if you wish, they’re not really relevant, I just wanted to mention them):

01. A key to rescue Aeryn Sun from Katratzi, was John Crichton’s knowledge of unfulfilled realities, that series of episodes and events inspired today’s chapter, hence the title. (Fuck, I love Farscape. I gotta finish ‘Prolonged Insanity’, I’ve been delaying writing it for far too long).

02. The tale is 'Jack the Cunning Thief’ (the idea to use this tale came from 'And the Fables of Doom’ an episode of The Librarians. Because I think Senkuu would be just like Ezekiel Jones if he were to switch places with Gen).

03. In Newsradio the chapter 'Led Zeppelin Boxed Set’, Catherine Duke teaches Jimmy James how to beat a crooked 'three card monte’ dealer. During the episode, they repeat 'Find the lucky lady’ 'Where is the lucky lady?’, when practicing the scam.

04. This version of Gen was actually inspired ever so vaguely by Subaru in Houkago No Pleiades (Wish Upon The Pleiades). Mind the word ’vaguely’.

05. 'Black Holes Apocalypse’ is a documentary that explains in simple terms, what black holes are, and their role in the universe. Thanks to this documentary, black holes are briefly mentioned here.

-’-

It had been one of Byakuya’s many attempts to distract the newly arrived boy in his home. He’d read him a story, from a very old book Byakuya had no recolection of ever buying. The story told the tales of a rogue in old times, who used his cunning to deceive people –thieves, farmers, chiefs–, and gain money as well as the hand of a lady in marriage. Senkuu was marveled at the many tricks and ruses the man used to get what he wanted, how he tricked everyone to obtain his goals, with no actual harm done to anyone.

“Byakuya, I want to be like him” he said with sleepy eyes.

“Sure, kiddo. If you go the steady constant route, I’m sure you can be just like that rogue” he answered the boy.

-’-

The very next day, Senkuu went to the library, and he read everything he could find that came close to teaching how to deceive people. Naturally, these were psicology books, explaining human behavior. He absorbed the knowledge as best as he could, and tested it on field experiments.

Like, one time at school, he would tap his desk three times quickly when the teacher announced it was lunch time. He did this constantly for a few weeks, until one day, he did it about an hour before lunch time. A kid was halfway to his things when he realized it wasn’t time to eat yet, several more turned their heads in the general direction of their lunch, and another kid cried, she didn’t understand why it wasn’t lunch time yet. Senkuu was thrilled with his accomplishment.

The next step were deceptions, and what a better example of deceptions, than the ones magicians would pull off. Once more he went to the library, and read. Then he turned to TV to get more information. Then, the field experimentation.

He had practiced a long used scam with cards, a three card monte.

“Find the lucky lady. Where is the lucky lady?” he vociferates.

He scamed a couple older boys at the park, naturally he wasn’t skillful enough just yet, so he ended up being caught. Luckily a kid named Taiju came to his aid. Taiju was marveled when Senkuu’s tricks would work, so he stayed by his side, they became best friends in no time.

Slowly, but surely, Ishigami Senkuu became excellent at his field of work, especializing mostly on human behavior, he wrote a few books about it –some of them aimed just for sales–, he did presentations, and became well known amongst the youth. He was cunning, and arrived at the top not only with hard work, but with tricks and deceptions. Just like Jack had done.

-’-

Gen would often be lonely at night, so he counted the few visible stars that he could make out, the many artificial lights of the city making them almost invisible, so he had to use a telescope to see properly. He tried counting them one by one, until he knew their place –and their names– by heart. It all begun with stars, and loneliness for him.

When the stars were no longer enough, he had to find another thing to occupy his mind with, so he started to formulate questions about the sky, the typical ones, like: ’what’s out there?’, ’why is there so much color?’, ’why is it so quiet in outer space?’.

So he searched, finding answers with numbers and big complicated words he does not understand, and he goes from physics to chemistry to biology, and from there on onto everything else that a rhymes with the stars, with the sky, with the world. He reads, and writes, until he can trace some sense into this chaotic nonsense of unintelligible words and equations.

He dismantles –dissects– the mechanical devices he has on hand until their busted organs are bleeding out from their torn coppery veins. And like a mortician, he finds the cause of death: ’Curiosity’. It hangs from their plastic –sometimes metallic– toes.

-’-

’What is the world made of?’

The periodic table answers this question, with it’s many elements lined up in their ranks, subdued into their defined hierarchy. And Gen wants to bring this hierarchy down. He is unsuccessful. So he simply goes back to watching above him. And he finally dives into the dark stars. The dead ones, the collapsed supernovas that made points of amassed gravity –black holes–. He thinks they are as beautiful as the ones that still have light.

He wonders if his curiosity will end up crushing him one day –tampering with the elements until he creates iron–, and he will go out in a violent explosion of light, creating so much strain in the fabric of space-time that a black hole will be born where he stood.

He writes all of this down, going from his curious dissections, to his anarchistic tendencies, unto the flickering thoughts of destruction. He makes one or two important discoveries, which put him in a spotlight. But he remains as anonymous as he can, writing books, and papers, giving a conference here and there. Traveling around, making the name Asagiri Gen to be noticed.

-’-

Awards. They mean recognition for one’s actions. And people like recognition so much they make a big fuss about it, throwing parties, and making a show of being given an award. Such events tend to gather recognizable names into one place, mixing them up and stirring them together. There is no need to specify that parties are the favorite go-to method.

Asagiri Gen didn’t hate parties, rather he simply had a distaste for being around so many people, he had so little knowledge about social interactions that he grew awkward with each passing minute. Naturally, he pulled away from everyone else, and went out into a balcony, he did what he always did, he observed the sky.

He wore an elegant suit, a purple bowtie strangling his neck. He heard the crystal door to the balcony being opened and closed, heard the faint footsteps approaching; still, he didn’t turn back.

“Lovely night isn’t it?” questions a sultry voice behind him.

He turns to look at the newcomer out of the corner of his eye. It’s a young man, a strand of white-green hair falling in his face, the rest of it tied down in a ponytail. His suit is black, with a white shirt that lacks a tie –the first button is undone–. The young man gives an image of formal-casual, leaning more towards casual, given that his hands rest inside his pockets. He knew him. ’Ishigami Senkuu’. A sort of mentalist, a magician, he’d read one of his books out of curiosity –as he did most things–, it didn’t perk his interest.

“Yes, it’s unusually clear” he answers out of politeness.

“Why are you so secluded, the party is inside” he asks halting to a stop next to Gen.

“I get anxious around crowds”

“Hmm”

Senkuu gives him a sideways glance, as he leans his forearms on the railing, looking down at the fast moving vehicules that leave a stele of red-orange-yellow lights in their wake. Gen’s eyes are locked up into the inky mass of heavens, clouds gathering around the moon like a nightdress.

“You know corals get stressed too”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, they get real stressed because of the current events”

Gen looked at him dumbfounded for a second, and then laughed.

“You know, if you’re stressed, they say laughter is the best medicine” says Senkuu.

“That is a terrible joke!”

“It made you laugh” he points out pleased. “Ishigami Senkuu” he introduces himself as he extends his hand.

“Asagiri Gen” Gen takes the offered hand.

“So, Asagiri Gen, why did you come if you dislike it so much?”

The scientist grimaces a bit.

“I was sorta… ” he begins. “Blackmailed, a co-worker stole my favorite bracelet, and she’d only give it back if I came tonight”

Senkuu laughed –it was a throaty, raspy laugh–.

“Clever woman” he praises.

“Unfair woman. She insists I have to get out more”

“These kinda parties aren’t so bad”

“They’re okay, I guess. They just don’t have anything I like to drink”

“Oh. And what do you like to drink, Gen?”

“Cola” he smiles.

Senkuu looks strangely delighted, as he pulls out a medium bottle of cola out of his suit. He offers it to Gen, who practically beams with happiness.

“Thank you!”

He opens it, and takes a long swig. Then he gets aware of himself, sheepishly, he offers the bottle back to Senkuu, who takes a gulp.

“I prefer cola myself, too” explains the magician.

“Sweet black nectar of life” sighes Gen.

The other laughs again. They share the drink, until it runs out, and the scientist fumbles lazily with it in his hands. His phone rings, his co-worker send him a text. And he sighes.

“What’s the matter?”

“My co-worker. The one who blackmailed me. Well, she’s asking where I’m hiding”

“Hmm” Senkuu holds his chin. “I think I can help you out with that. Give you an excuse not to answer yet”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Give me your phone”

Gen cautiously gives it to him, and Senkuu then takes the emptied bottle of cola. He presents both objects in his hands, as if he were in front of a crowd. He clanks them together a few times, before hitting them hard against one another. When he hands them back to Gen, his cellphone rests within the plastic bottle. He examines the bottle astonished, the phone is indeed inside, the bottle has no damage on the outside.

“How did you even do that?!”

“A magician never reveals his tricks. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a producer in there that I must go charm up” he parts, while blowing Gen a kiss.

He stared at his back, both amused and annoyed, holding a cola bottle with his cellphone inside. Gen decided he preferred to stick to his science and his stars –although, magic didn’t seem so bad–.

-’-

A/N: Also on fanfiction:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13464121/2/SenGen-Week-2019-2020

#day two #cell phones #sengen #sengenweek #submission

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nowplayingblog-main · 5 years ago

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Fanfic Stats Tag Game

SurUmmm.... so I was tagged by @hailing-stars a LONG time ago, but I don’t remember ever answering this??? If I have, then I think it’s been long enough that it’s safe to go at it again. I’m always looking for ways to interact with the fandom more, so imma just do this for my own amusement, and maybe start the tag again.

Author Name: Fictionart (on Ao3)

Fandoms You Write For: At the moment, I am only writing for Irondad/Marvel, but in the past I have written for the Love, Simon/Simon vs. The Homo-sapiens Agenda/Creekwood Fandom, the Stranger Things Fandom, and was about to write a little for the Voltron fandom... though I don’t remember if I actually wrote anything. I can see myself writing more for Stranger things and Voltron in the future, but right now it’s just Irondad for me.

Where You Post: Exclusively on Ao3, though if I got asks or prompts for drabbles I would also post the here, on Tumblr.

Most Popular One-Shot: Bring Him Back by a landslide. None of my other fics have even gotten close to getting that much attention. It’s my hot take (before Endgame) of what happened after Tony came back to earth, and how the team finds out about Peter. Featuring vengeful father Clint (Disclaimer: I actually love the guy)

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: Surprisingly, it’s actually a little fic called I am Spider-Man. It’s an endgame AU, where Peter is the one who snaps. I wrote it extremely quickly, and with little thought or planning, so I was surprised when it did so well. I may revisit the concept or even re-write the fic some time in the future. (Don’t worry, I would of course leave the original, should this ever happen.)

Favorite Story You Wrote: What Occurred in Raychester Castle, for sure. I really feel like with this fic, I can truly write about what I want to read, it’s been such a fun journey and experience writing it, and I still have so much left to write and so much planned for it! I’m so excited for what this fics future holds! and I’ve gotten so much support and positive feedback from it... I’m just blown away.

Story You Were Nervous to Post: What Occurred in Raychester Castle... I wasn’t sure how people were going to react to it, and I had resigned myself to knowing that only me and a few other people were going to enjoy it and follow along with it, but so many people seem to be enjoying it! I feel bad since I already answered a question with WOiRC... I was also very nervous to post my very first fic ever - it was called Cute Bram Greenfeld and was for the Love, Simon/ Simon vs. The Homo-sapiens Agenda/Creekwood Fandom. It was the first fic that I had ever written and I got a lot of positive feedback from it, which then inspired me to keep writing.

How Do You Choose Your Titles: I honestly have no idea. For each fic it’s different - for example for What Occurred in Raychester Castle, I wanted it to have an element of mystery, you’re reading it to find out ‘What Occurred’ I also took some inspiration from a video game, which I’ve never played but have watched game play videos of, called “What Remains of Edith Finch” (which is very good, i highly recommend you at least watch someone play it.) - with that element of mystery. (The chapter names within WOiRC are actually song titles from the era, though I’ve begun to realize they’re probably more American than British...) Other stories are named after bits of dialogue in the story itself, or sometimes it’s literally the first thing that popped into my head.

Complete: I am Spider-Man, Subject 012 (Stranger Things), Cute Bram Greenfeld, Bring Him Back, “I lost the kid”

In-Progress: What Occurred in Raychester Castle, Guns Don’t Kill People, What’s So Scary ‘Bout That?

Coming Soon: Irondad Big Bang 2020, What Occured in Raychester Castle Volume II (Title to be revealed at the end of Volume I)

Do You Accept Prompts: Absolutely, they help spark my creativity and my motivation to work on pre-existing stories, and I really want to interact with this fandom more!

Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write: Irondad Big Band 2020, I’ve already written the first chapter, halfway through the second, and I’m just loving what I’ve come up with, and I’m excited to get further into the work. (I’m also really excited for Volume II, but it’s a little farther off in the distance, I can really begin to focus on it, once WOiRC is finished.)

Tag Five Fanfic Authors to Answer These Questions: @blondsak @icedaquarius31 @justme--emily @iron--spider @riseuplikeglitterandgold @silver-bubbles , and you know what @hailing-stars, if you want another go at it, I for one would love an updated version of it. (again, it’s been awhile!)

PS: If y’all really aren’t into it, then of course, there is no pressure from me!

#fic recs #of...myself #lol #what occurred in raychester castle #fanfiction #fic #fanfic #fics #my writing

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magistralucis · 5 years ago

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1 3 5 11 13 and 14 for mossflower pretty please! 💞

Your wish is my command.

—————————–

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

Mainly two things: I had been neglecting the ‘Absurdité’ tag on my blog, and also a Steak fic was way overdue for the fandom. That’s one film where the high level of fandom awareness didn’t necessarily match the fandom content available for it; more Steak stuff has emerged since in the fandom, which is a good thing. I was inspired by @kavcore aesthetics, A Clockwork Orange (as Steak is a massive shoutout to that book/film in itself) and one evening where I took a really good hard look at Steak and tried to figure out a narrative.

All this was months before I began The Mossflower. It’s easily the fic I put in the most active preparation time for. (Hiatus fics technically have been in planning for longer, but then I’m not actively thinking about them a lot of the time oops) The Mossflower in its original form was a two-month event in aksug complete with blog theme and aesthetic changes; it’s so far the only narrative in aksug other than ‘Liberté’ that I’ve granted such a change to. The inspiration was powerful enough I felt it merited it.

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

‘With those guys next to me I felt as if I could run a hundred miles nonstop, both alongside and away from them; I wanted to hold onto us as we were now, us superfluous youths (for yes, that is what it means, us lilyborn chellovecks), and yet as I gazed down mine and Dan’s hands together I knew that it could not - should not - must not stay this way, the red-white tide within me starting to subside.’

I could honestly insert any of Félix’s rambling monologues because I did want The Mossflower to be the kind of story that kills you immediately in the solar plexus with every other entry, but I think this one ‘line’ says it all 😭 welcome to adulthood and responsibility!

5: What part was hardest to write?

Everything. It’s lowkey highkey one of the most challenging things I have ever written.

First, Steak is set during what appears to be summer, so I physically waited until summer to start publishing it. This did not mean I could wait until summer to put down the first words, so in between finishing up Season 2 of ‘Liberté’, I was writing a lot of The Mossflower in bits and pieces too.

Second, Steak is ultimately an urban slice-of-life story (despite its surrealistic morality system), so I decided an epistolary fic was the best way to translate such a universe into text: this would be done in the form of Félix’s diary entries. Diary entries are regular, so they had to be updated in real time, matching times of the day where certain events happen in Steak (e.g. Georges is beaten up at night; the diary entries about this were all updated during the night, albeit in GMT).

In the middle of this I also had to work out Félix’s argot system (required very quick familiarity with Nadsat), the time in between each event of Steak, and how quickly Félix’s feelings about everything should change between events. And I tell you, writing in argot is really hard. I have no idea how Anthony Burgess did it, except that he was a linguist and I’m not, which tbf made all the difference. Had I known more Russian in 2017 I might have found it easier to get used to.

Now that I wrote out the whole process it all sounds sort of overbearing. 😰The inspiration was quick, the amount of work taken to translate it into a story was not. I’ve something like 158 pages of notes still remaining. But all that work motivated me to keep going. The Mossflower gave me a lot of trouble, but it really is a baby of mine. I’m really happy how it turned out.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

There’s a lot about it that was fleeting, and I captured those moments for exactly as long as they needed to be captured.

People reading The Mossflower nowadays probably do it through AO3. That’s what I encourage as well, because Félix wrote a metric ton of entries, and trying to read all of that on Tumblr is a logistical nightmare. But the published fic doesn’t retain much of what it was actually like to see The Mossflower update in real time. So much of it was time-sensitive: having Félix occasionally answer a question, waiting for him to write something new, wondering what he made of a new experience while he was away. The Mossflower was a two-month kayfabe in addition to being a fic, I really had to sell the illusion that Félix was in some way ‘real’ and identifiable. All that gets ironed out in a fic, where weeks of effort are condensed in a few clicks and chapters.

But that’s not a bad thing. For a time, The Mossflower was an exercise in lived experience. Such experiences are difficult to repeat exactly as they were, but they do become memory, and that’s what I hope helped this story linger in the minds of the few who followed it from the start. The fic was exactly as long as it needed to be, in the form it needed to be, for the people who needed it the most.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

I actually didn’t listen to much of the Steak soundtrack while writing this fic. The only points in which I did were where the Chivers bard (Prisme) was mentioned, and once that was just to get the lyrics of ‘Divine’ 😂😂😂 I also listened to ‘Itea’ when Félix mentioned it, ‘Bleue’ when writing the first major descriptor of Bleue in the story, and that weird drama llama wailing music played while Georges clings desperately to the fence near the end when… Félix was taking part in that sequence. That was pretty much it for the soundtrack.

I did, however, listen to a ton of Todd Rundgren. I think Something/Anything is a very Sebinsky album in general, just in different forms in every time, and the album worked its magic for the The Mossflower too. ‘The Night the Carousel Burnt Down’ will always have a special place in my heart.

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

Not so much learn, as to think about themselves (if they were comfortable with that), or simply about what it means for a young boy to fall in love one dreamy summer. Félix reaches a lot of moral conclusions, but none of them need be agreed upon by the readers for a fulfilling experience. It’s a very cruel story with some very skewed views on humanity, though the cruelty is because youths that age can be cruel, and the viewpoint thing is… well, it’s Oizo. But there are honest parts, too, honest in the kind or at least softly bewildered sort of way, and if those moments led the readers to pause in thought, I consider it a job well done.

All that is retrospective, however. The most important goal immediately during and after the story was to make @lisa-franck a very happy soul 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

#trianghouls #fanfiction asks #the mossflower #steak (film)#sebinsky #thank u for asking!!!! i do so love the mossflower to this day :DDDDDDDD #long post under cut

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levi-inthesun · 5 years ago

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Awakening- Chapter 1

Summary: June (Juniper) works at the New York Public Library where she reads to kids once a week, otherwise she’s shelving books, checking out books for patrons, and catching the eye of one Steve Rogers.

Authors note: this started out as a different story, but I didn’t like where it was going so I re-worked it and it became this! I wrote this probably a year ago- so I’m dusting it off, editing and finally posting so all of tumblr can read :)

You were already running late to your shift at the New York Public Library. Cursing to yourself quietly when the subway left without you. You had had a feeling you should have left earlier that day, but having anxiety about missing things like the train were rather normal.

You mumbled under your breath, annoyed. Accepting your fate, you took in a few deep breaths and shot a text message to your boss letting them know you’d be late. Your anxiety threatening to take over so you practiced a few tools you have learned in your years of therapy.

One, is this in my control? No.

Two, is there anything in my power I can do to change this? Besides texting my boss no, it will be quicker to catch the next train than to take a taxi.

Three, what are my choices? I can freak out and probably start sobbing in this very public place, or I can accept that what has happened has happened and do my best to let go.

For the remainder of the time you were in the station, you focused on your breathing and scrolled through social media to distract you. Every so often feeling the smooth beads on the long necklace you wore every day.

Finally, the train arrived and you weren’t as late to work as you thought. You put your bag in your locker and stood in front of the mirror for a moment, adjusting your appearance. You had rushed out the door and your cat head-printed button-down was only partially tucked into your denim skirt. You tucked the necklace under your shirt and fixed your collar. Then you tucked flyaways into your braided crown until you were pleased. Scooting up your glasses from where they had fallen down to, you looked around the corner to the wall clock and checked the time.

“Damn!” you swore to yourself, it was 10:30 and you only had fifteen minutes until you were to read to a group of kids. You walked out to the floor and began shelving books. This month you were reading The Little Prince, one of your personal favorites, memorialized forever on your body as a small tattoo on your upper arm You also had a collection of wildflowers, branches, trees, and ferns on your arms, a small eye on the back of your neck.

You gracefully put books back in their proper place, taking your time to gently feel the spine of each and look over the title. You loved shelving books even though most of your coworkers hated it. You felt closer to the books in the short intimate time you spent putting them away.

You began the reading like you always did, giving a quick summary of the book in a way that would get the kids into it to help quiet the chatter, and review what was read last week. As you read, they listened quietly, drawn in to the little boy in the middle of a vast desert.

“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” You read the line slowly and gently touched the spot on your arm where the words were permanently at home.

Turning the next page, you glanced at the children around you and the array of parents and passerbyers stopping to listen, intrigued with the words the Little Prince had just spoken. You caught the eyes of a tall, handsome man with the softest light blue eyes you’d ever seen.

As you continued reading, you felt as if you were reading to the man with the blue eyes, your voice naturally flowing directly to him.

The first chapter ended and you thanked everyone for coming, who then, in unison, thanked you for reading to them (including the man in the back). You encouraged everyone to come next week to find out more of the adventures the Little Prince had gone on and who he meets.

Kids went to their parents or chatted with friends they had made there while you stood up, smoothing down your skirt and taking the book behind the front desk where the read-aloud books were kept.

You saw the man glance your way again from the corner of your eye, rubbing the back of his neck as he stared at his phone, seemingly frustrated.

You walked over to the man, getting his attention. “Excuse me, can I help you find anything?” you asked him with a polite smile.

“Uh yes!” he said quickly, “I’m looking for A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. I don’t come to libraries enough to fully understand how to find everything,” he said sheepishly.

“That’s okay,” you said cheerfully, “there is always time to learn.” The man smiled widely at your comment.

As you walked over to the correct section, you glanced over at the man and instantly realized why he looked familiar. Instead of fangirling, which part of you desperately wanted to do, you took in a deep breath and remained professional. You were used to celebrities and other well known people coming in.

You handed him the book and asked if there was anything else you could help him find.

“Actually yes… that book you were reading? Unfortunately, I won’t make it next week, but I am completely intrigued, even if it’s just a children's book.”

You looked at him, feigning shock. “Only a children’s book? Sir!” you said placing a hand dramatically over your chest, “This book is not just a children’s book! I didn’t read it until after I got through college and it changed my damn life. So I will now ask you to take that back!” You exclaimed, tone playful.

“I take it back!” he responded laughing, hands up in truce. “I know we just met, but I was hoping maybe you can tell me more about it… over coffee?” he was smiling widely as he asked and you felt a spark ignited within you that had been gone far too long.

Instead of answering, you led him to the check out station, smiling at the ground trying to hide your blush. While you were checking his books out, he looked away nervously, so he didn’t notice you scribble something on the receipt, then stick in just inside the cover for The Little Prince.

You spent the rest of your shift very, very distracted at the thought of going out for coffee with Steve Rogers.

When Steve got home later that evening, he was still thinking about you. How cute you looked in your button up that he could have sworn had little cat heads all over it and your denim skirt. How into reading the book you were, your trance only broken when you spotted him, even still you quickly got back into it. Steve felt like he may be going crazy, but it felt as if you were just reading to him. Your melodic voice carried over the group of kids and straight into his heart. Remembering the books he had stowed in his bag, he pulled them out setting A Tree Grows in Brooklyn down on the counter and picking up The Little Prince. He opened it up to see your messy cursive on the receipt with a phone number.

Call me when you finish :) - June

Then, for the first time in this century (probably), Steve Rogers did a happy dance as his heart was ignited with hope. After he regained control of himself, he immediately dove into the book reading until early morning when he reluctantly put it down to get at least a few hours of sleep, where he dreamt of a boy and his rose, a pilot and a fox.

Steve woke to the sound of a very unwelcome alarm, he shut it off and slowly sat up, looking out the large windows of his room in the Avengers Compound, watching as the sun rose in the sky, spilling hues of orange, pink and purple over the sky. He got dressed and left for his daily run, making it back in record time just so he could read the rest of the book.

You were shocked when you got a phone call later that day, the voice saying they finished the book and was wondering when you would be free to meet up for coffee.

Before you could stop yourself, you blurted out, “I’m free now.”

The voice answered much too quickly, making you feel a little less embarrassed. “Yes! Do you have a favorite spot to get coffee?” “Believe it or not, it’s right by the library. Meet me there in an hour and a half?” “Can’t wait, doll.”

As soon as you hung up, you looked down at your outfit of choice on this lazy day off. Sweatpants and a shirt with actual, non-ironic holes throughout. You booked it to your closet and allowed yourself 10 minutes to stress out about what the hell you were going to wear to your date with Steve freaking Rogers, finally settling on a pair of your favorite high waisted jeans and a loose tank top tucked in with a pair of sandals. You added a pair of stud earrings and put your hair into a low bun, that way if he was dressed up, you wouldn’t be too casual, and vice versa.

You had time to spare, but figured it wouldn’t hurt to be early. You popped your earbuds in and started listening to your Beatles playlist, making your way to the Subway Station. The ride went smoothly and thankfully no one bothered you. Once you got to the library, you sat on the steps by one of the lion statues and basked in the early fall sunshine, only closing your eyes for a second, soaking it all in when you felt a tap on your shoulder. Readying yourself to politely tell some rando to leave you alone, you were surprised to see Steve, 10 minutes early. “Hi!” you yelled, cringing when you realized your volume. You quickly turned off your music and stuffed your phone and headphones into your bag.

“You know, you are gonna lose your hearing if you listen to music that loud,” he said chuckling. You rolled your eyes playfully. “By the way, Ob-la-di is a good choice.” he smiled, and you thought that that is something you could easily get used to.

Then his face altered, annoyed as he looked past you. It looked like he was trying to make someone go away with a nod of his head. You looked up at him confused.

“Ah, sorry. My friends,” he said pointing to the group of extremely familiar-looking men and women, “they didn’t believe me when I said I was going on a date.” He shrugged.

You giggled and gave the group a flirty finger wave. They waved back before running off. “Well, shall we go ingest liquid gold sustenance?” you asked.

“Yes, lead the way,” he replied as he held out his arm for you. You tried to hold in the smile and blush that suddenly appeared on your face, but there was no fighting it.

Just a few blocks away, Steve opened the door to the cafe and followed you inside.

“Hi Maria,” you said fondly as you approached the counter.

“Juni!” she called back happily as she took her position behind the register, “I thought you had the day off today?” she asked as she already started putting your order in.

“I do,” you said with an almost dreamy sigh, “I’m here for fun,” you said, motioning to the tall man with you. “Oh, yes you are.” She stated, winking at you, “And what can I get for you?”

You tried not to giggle when he ordered an americano.

You found some seats in the corner, grateful that the cafe was normally pretty empty around 4. Once settled, Steve pulled out the copy of The Little Prince he had borrowed from the library, as well as a notebook filled with notes. You smiled and pulled out your well worn, well-loved, very marked personal copy. Maria brought your coffees over and winked again, mouthing ‘hot damn!’ to you before Steve could notice.

Another round of pink heat spread over your cheeks.

“So, I just realized we never actually introduced ourselves.” You said, knowing full well you both knew you knew his name.

“How rude of me,” he said with a playful tone, “I’m Steve.” “Good to meet you, Steve,” you say as you both shake hands once and let go, “Most people call me June, but my name is Juniper.”

“Juniper… that’s really cool. Would you mind if that is what I call you?” he asked, eyebrows raised in questioning.

You smiled, “Most people think it’s too weird or hippy-ish, which isn’t too far off. So yes, I would love that actually.”

“What do you mean it isn’t too far off? And why is there anything wrong with being too hippy-ish?” he asked, confused.

“Well, I grew up on the west coast. My parents were very much minimalists. We had a garden full of fruits, veggies, and herbs. We spent so much time out there together. I actually loved gardening and had a booth at our local farmers market and preferred spending time with my parents and my dog, and a lot of my friends stopped inviting me out, deeming I was ‘odd’ and a ‘straight-up hippy’,” you rolled your eyes and chuckled at how silly the whole thing was. “Anyways, there is nothing wrong with being too much of a hippy,” you said smiling, “I learned how to embrace it,” you shrugged.

Steve smiled at you and took a sip of his drink before responding, “Sounds like you didn’t have very good friends,” he commented sadly.

“Learned that one much too late,” you say as you take a drink yourself. “What about your parents, friends growing up?”

“Well, my best friend growing up was James- we all called him Bucky, except his mom when she was angry with him for doing something stupid-” he paused for a second before adding, “it was usually my ideas that got us into trouble.” He shook his head as a memory replied in his mind. “But my mom was my entire world. When she died, it felt like a piece of me died with her…”

“I’m so sorry,” you replied. Steve searched your face, but only found a genuine warmth and caring.

“Thanks, uh, yeah so then Bucky’s mom basically adopted me and we got into even more trouble… we definitely gave her a run for her money.”

You chuckled at the idea of him running around causing trouble.

After you both took another drink, you dove right into the book, pointing out favorite parts, what was personally identified with, as well as some questions Steve had had. One of your favorite parts was hearing about his relationships. “So the fox… honestly, it sounds very much like Bucky. I already mentioned how close we were, but eventually, our paths took us separate ways before reuniting, and... well he was extremely different. He had gone through some really terrible things, things I cannot even begin to imagine, when we were finally together again, it took a lot of work on both of our parts… like he was reluctant to be tamed, he didn’t want to get hurt again. It took a while, but now we are even stronger than we were before. It’s like we are tamed to each other, haha.” Steve realized he was getting more personal than he had anticipated and felt a little awkward.

“That is beautiful,” you said quietly, causing a little smile to appear on Steve’s lips.

His favorite part was just watching your eyes light up anytime one of the things he brought up was something you loved about the book as well. You were so passionate about this one children’s book and it was like it opened up a whole new place in his heart.

Hours later, your coffees were cold and barely touched, but there you sat, his hand gently resting on yours from across the table. The conversation had led to other favorite books, which you both had given each other quite the list to look into. Then you both talked about the things that made you happy.

You adored the days it rained. You felt like it was washing the city and yourself clean and the way people’s faces light up when they talk about something they’re passionate about. Steve loved the peace that watching the sunset over the city brought him, everything quiet and still. He also loved watching people as they read or watch movies, “You can see anything you need to know about a person,” he had said.

Eventually, Maria came up to let you know they were closing. You blushed slightly and apologized to your friend, who hushed your fears.

“Do you own any of the books on your list?” Steve asked, hurriedly as you walked down the street, “I would be honored to be able to read your personal copy of even just one, get a look inside your head a little more,” Steve said, a light blush threatening to take over.

You smiled widely, “In fact, I own all of the books on my list. I live in Brooklyn though, so if it is out of the way I can always bring a few next time I see you?”

There were two things about your statement that excited Steve beyond belief. 1. You lived in Brooklyn. 2. You wanted to see him again.

“I happen to love Brooklyn, it’s no problem at all unless you would be more comfortable oth-” You cut him off. “Honestly, I would love for you to come over and be impressed at my massive book collection.”

It was settled and Steve held out his arm for you again as you both chatted aimlessly as you walked to the subway station. It was late on a Saturday, so the train was noisy with talking from people going to or from parties and clubs. You pulled out your earbuds and handed him one as you plug them into your phone, putting the other in your own ear. You clicked on another one of your favorite playlists, hitting shuffle. The first song was a favorite by Noah and the Whale, The First Days of Spring. As the 45-minute train ride continued, you could feel your hand take a life of its own as it inched closer to Steve’s, which rested on the seat next to yours. The anticipation of holding his hand was practically killing you, so when Steve closed the distance you felt relief, as well as a pleasant tingle, wash over you.

Once you worked up the confidence, you rested your head on his shoulder… more like arm with his height compared to yours, but it was nice all the same, and Steve melted towards you.

Once your stop came you stood up and pulled Steve along until you were walking side by side. Music was stopped and put away, you both walked in a comfortable silence to your apartment building hand in hand.

You watched as Steve looked around with an almost sadness as you walked the streets of Brooklyn. Of course, you knew of his history, everyone did, but you would wait until he was ready to bring it up. Just because you knew what books told you about what happened didn’t mean it was the whole story, or that you had a right to know.

Suddenly Steve stopped in front of a building that was crumbling to the ground.

Steve couldn’t believe it was still here. The last time he had the opportunity to be in Brooklyn inconspicuously he hadn’t been able to find it. Yet, now, on his way to the apartment of one of the most beautiful, witty, honest and intelligent women he’d met since Peggy, was his childhood home. Where he spent his entire life sick, trying to stand up for himself but always being saved by Bucky. And suddenly, he was that tiny person again and felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude as well as the feeling of being undeserving to have you holding his hand. A tear slipped through and he prayed you wouldn’t notice. Instead, he felt your kindness through a simple hand squeeze. He took a few deep breaths and decided it was time to keep moving.

You continued leading him to your apartment and unlocked it. Before you opened the door you smiled at him mischievously.

“Now, I have spent a long time working on my book collection. If for some reason it isn’t impressive, you have to pretend it is otherwise whatever this,” you motioned between the two you, “could have been, isn’t happening.” Steve nodded in agreement, “You got it doll.”

You blushed slightly, biting your lip as you turned around and opened the door, letting him in.

What Steve then saw was incredible. You had hundreds of what seemed to be carefully selected books, shelved neatly throughout your entire, albeit small, apartment. You watched as Steve walked around, mouth hanging wide open, staring at the shelves on shelves and shelves of books. He then turned to you, mouth still open, and held out his arms motioning to it all with wide eyes.

“Okay, okay, you didn’t have to try so hard to make me feel like you were impressed, it’s okay. Appreciated though.” You smiled genuinely, even though you were trying to tease.

“Oh, well okay then.” Steve playfully rolled his eyes before grinning at you.

You both stood there looking at each other for what felt like a few beats too long, so you blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “I like ice cream. Do you want some?” Before waiting for him to respond you walked over to the freezer to pull out the tubs of ice cream you had and two spoons. “Uh yeah, I could go for some ice cream.” Steve walked over, noticing there weren’t any bowls.

Seeing his confusion, you explained, “It is more fun to eat it out of the container unless you’re afraid of germs or whatever,” you shrugged, hoping he didn’t think it was weird.

“Sounds good to me.” He replied, grabbing a spoon and the pint of mint chocolate chip. You grabbed the other, moose tracks and headed for the couch.

You sat together on the couch eating ice cream and reading. Steve, the second one on your list of favorites (since The Little Prince was number one), and you one of his that you happened to have.

Periodically, Steve would look up from the book and watch as you were sucked in by the words. He could see every little reaction you had, every vulnerable moment when what the book was saying rang true for you.

He sighed as he turned back to the book in his hands- This is something he certainly could get used to.

#Steve Rogers x OC #Steve Rogers Fanfiction #Steve Rogers #Steve Rogers Fanfic #Avengers Fanfiction #Awakening #Fluff

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warp6 · 6 years ago

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If you're still doing the fic asks from yesterday, 2, 4 and 13 for with beautiful reluctance!

(put a fic title + questions from this list in my inbox!)

aaah thanks for the ask!

2: What scene did you first put down?

This is such an interesting question for a longfic that was over a year in the writing. I actually went back and looked at the version history to figure this out, and it’s a good thing that I did because it turns out I was totally wrong with all my best guesses as to what it was!

I jump around a lot (within scenes, between scenes) when I write; that’s always been my writing style, since as I’m writing one portion of the story, as soon as I have an idea for a later part, I just jump ahead and write out the part I’m thinking of. (Fucking hilariously, I had to come back and finish that sentence just now because I’d jumped somewhere else in this post after writing ‘portion of the story,’).

My memory before checking the version history was that the first scene I’d written had, in fact, just been the first scene of the first chapter. According to version history, though, I wrote down the first 1.5 sentences of the first scene:

The sky is overcast and the garden is overgrown. The woman walking up the path

(unchanged from the final version, except for the substitution of ‘person’ for ‘woman’), and then jumped to writing the scene where Janeway finds the stuffed animal and its tag at the end of Chapter 3.

More broadly, I have a pretty clear memory, considering it was well over a year ago, of the first night I started writing this fic–where I was, what I was feeling, etc. Pretty much from conception of the idea, I knew the premise of the fic, what it was about, and where it was going–though not all the major details, which I fleshed out over the next year as I outlined and wrote.

When I opened the new document, I believe I first hunted down the beginning quote–from which the fic gets its name–then came up with the setting of that very first scene, which snapped together in my mind from the quote in combination with a concept from the young adult novel that is credited on AO3 at the end of the fic. Then, evidently, I jumped ahead to the stuffed animal scene when I thought of it, to go ahead and get that down. I also wrote a rudimentary list of chapters that night, since the name/setting/[important spoiler characteristic] of each chapter were key to the premise of the fic.

About a month later, I started working on the fic again, and it looks like I then laid down sections of the first three chapters all at the same time.

Remaining questions under the cut for mild fic spoilers (I’m avoiding spoiling anything too major even under the cut, but there’s definitely some discussion of later-in-the-fic stuff) and length!

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

Ohhh, you know exactly which one. (Despite being the cretin who wrote it, I still practically scream every time I read over the scene and reach that line. ;)

Second favorite… I think I’m going to go with this line from Chapter 15:

“But I think he’s ready to come home.”

I think I like this line so much in context because it connects to so many different threads of the story, and also because it (I think/hope) successfully feels like a resolution to them. (I literally only just now went and checked, and it turns out it’s essentially the last line of dialogue in the fic! There’s one more spoken line but it doesn’t really count–plus the epilogue–but basically, it’s the last line spoken by one person to another. I never actually realized that this line was the last real line of dialogue when I was writing or editing, maybe because there is a full scene after it and an epilogue after that. In other words, I wasn’t thinking of this line in that light when I wrote it–which makes it interesting to me that it was the first potential second-favorite line I thought of, several weeks later, even though I’d never noticed its significance as Last Line of Dialogue while I was writing).

Elements of the fic that this line connects to, off the top of my head, sans spoilers: It’s a line about him (and all the moments that connects to, throughout the fic and at the beginning especially). It echoes the most famous line from the show itself, “Set a course…for home;” this fic was definitely a love letter to Star Trek: Voyager (and said line even makes an appearance in Chapter 10.) It also echoes Janeway’s end-of-Chapter 13 realization about she would have wanted ***** to do (which, in that moment, both really is and really isn’t about *****). And finally, it concludes the conversation Janeway has just had with ***** in Chapter 15, metaphorically being a final affirmation (with “he” in this sense being a stand-in for *****) of *****’s right to feel safe, not worry about protecting *******, and know the whole ordeal was over.

But despite all this, the line itself is just a lowkey end to the conversation, not any kind of emotional bomb. At least to me, it (hopefully) feels sort of gently satisfying, the end of the emotional catharsis I was trying to bring about in the final chapters (and which I sure as heck went through at least as the writer, lololol). In addition to all those direct connections to story elements, I feel like the line just has a nice all-around vibe of “Hey, you know what? This whole angsty story? That you took the time to read, and the characters went through in-universe? It’s over. The End. :)” It just feels very softly, peacefully conclusion-y, somehow.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

THANK YOU FOR ASKING THIS QUESTION SO I CAN TALK ABOUT MUSIC! Musical inspiration was so important to me when I was writing this fic. :D

First of all, I’m just gonna copy what I have in the fic endnotes:

* By the power vested in me, the official theme song of this fic is Dance to Another Tune by First Aid Kit.

* I also listened to this specific piano cover of the Lullaby from Pan’s Labyrinth when I was writing the garden scenes…which, as luck would have it, is only present on the Internet as the first song in this Ancillary Justice fanmix. (You don’t have to have an an account to listen, and it shouldn’t show you an ad when you listen for the first time). (This is a similar but slower version on Youtube.)

So those are the most important songs that helped me–I don’t always listen to music before I write, but for this fic I made a real point of listening to that Lullaby cover to help me capture the particular feel of the garden/observatory scene.

ALSO! :D I was considering making a playlist for the fic, which I didn’t really get around to doing since (judging by commenters/lack thereof) readership dropped off pretty sharply as the fic got longer, so I just didn’t think that many people would be into it, and I was also pretty tired from all the work I’d poured into the fic itself and ready to go focus on other things. But I would still enjoy doing it for myself–and I know that, of the people who did read the fic, there are a couple of major music lovers–so I might still get around to it some time!

Songs slated to be included are The Grey by Icon for Hire (ironically, the song is more relevant for the chapter called “The Theatre” than the chapter called “The Grey”–and furthermore, now that I think about it, Icon for Hire itself also has a song called Theatre that isn’t at all relevant to this fic, LOL), Navigate by Band of Skulls, maybe Never Let Me Go by Florence and the Machine, and maybe a few of my general Janeway/Voyager favorites that happen to be relevant to this fic: Falling by HAIM–relevant to the earlier chapters (“Never look back and never give up, and if it gets rough it’s time to get rough”)–and We Are All Made of Stars by Moby for the epilogue.

#fic asks

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bunnybbomb · 7 years ago

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Trying To Tie Loose Ends (Catharsis Continuation): Chapter 6: Seeing Eye to Eyes:

Summary: With Betaal as the new First Knight and Estuu as Brivere’s Holy Knight, the three Zoras must awkwardly make amends and learn to understand each other in order to properly be able to carry out their duties to Prince Sidon. However, their tense and complicated past threatens to hold them back from something greater.

(A fic for the sidlink fic Coma Baby, a continuation of the other one I made called Catharsis!)

This is a fanfiction for a fanfiction called Coma Baby by BanishedOne on AO3 (tumblr: @banishfics / @banishedone), and a continuation of the other one I wrote called Catharsis. If you like a grumpy Link and really well developed, deep characters and an amazing take on the political structure of the Zora Domain, then definitely check out Coma Baby! It’s a long read and still going on, but the writing and descriptions are superb and it just means more great content. This fic in particular is focused on my favorite character in the series, the OC Brivere. You don’t need to read the whole series to get what’s going on in this fic though, since a lot is explained in here.

I post memes and fics for Coma Baby on my tumblr, you can chat with me any time about anything! I also post all chapters on my AO3 account BunnyBob!

Huge thank you to my amazing beta reader Alina! Her tumblr and ff.net is @ipromiseitsnotanobsession. She actually does editing shit for a living and she is the one that makes sure these things aren’t trash, so

Disclaimer: In no way does this have any true ties or canon to Coma Baby unless stated otherwise. It’s really just an indulgence AU to feed my obsession for Brivere drama.

It only occurred to Sidon as he stood there, before every citizen in the Zora Domain, holding a silver scale spear that would initiate the knighting ceremony, that this was an extremely horrible idea.

He inwardly cringed as he looked at Estuu and Betaal kneeling in front of him. It wasn’t that they weren’t worthy of their positions respectively. Betaal had almost won the first tournament he’d held years ago for the role of his personal knight, and while still very young, Estuu was extremely intelligent had and won Brivere’s trials fair and square. Both of them had fought for and earned their respective titles in an admirable show of wit and strength, making Sidon honored that such talented individuals would choose to serve and protect him.

No, the problem was the infamous tension that ran between the two, along with his now Oracle Knight, Brivere.

Years ago, Estuu had shot Betaal in the eye with an arrow for reasons unknown. Ever since then, she had had to wear an eyepatch that, luckily for her, just enhanced her already rugged face and threatening persona. Many speculated that, if the incident hadn’t occurred, she would have become Prince Sidon’s original First Knight, not Brivere. Sidon couldn’t deny the possibility, since battling with a sudden handicap would severely hinder anyone’s fighting ability. But nothing could be done in time for the tournament and Brivere had apologized profusely and insisted that he had no hand in his brother’s brash actions.

Sidon often joked to himself that he should thank Estuu for doing it, but there was no way that he could tell such a dark joke to anyone else. Of course, there was no malice towards Betaal in his humor, as he admired her raw physical strength and amazing leadership abilities. It just hurt his heart to think that he possibly never would have met Brivere if the tournament had ended differently. The prince was dating him and Link now, who had left the Domain a couple days prior to try and find help for Brivere’s strange eye condition, caused by his future-seeing abilities. For now, Brivere continued to wear a silver scale visor to hide it, since most of the crowd still didn’t know about his condition.

The prince often mused that perhaps it was for the best that Brivere had won initially. When he had opened up the position for his personal knight to all of the Zora Domain, regardless of bloodline or status, he had the best of intentions to let everyone have an equal chance at the position. But he never would have expected the intense class war that broke out as a result. Under and upper city Zora alike had all fought in his tournament, accidentally making the position of first knight into a political statement. Undercity Zora wanted to rise into the untouchable upper class, and the Uppercity Zora wanted to put the lower class back into their place.

Sidon used to be silently thankful that Brivere had won, since he technically didn’t fall into either category. Then, he had realized that the controversy and torment that used to surround his beloved knight’s family was something that no one should be grateful for.

The sound of his father starting his speech snapped Sidon out of his thoughts. King Dorephan’s naturally loud voice was absolutely booming as he made sure that every individual could hear his words. “Zora of our great Domain, it is with honor that today we bestow the title of Holy Knight to Estuu of Brivere’s bloodline and the title of First Knight to Betaal of the Undercity Zora. May the two of you use your positions to continue to protect our Domain and its citizens. Please lead us to a prosperous future.”

The old king gestured at Sidon and Brivere to step forward. “Both of you may now swear in your respective personal knights.”

Sidon walked over to Betaal with the silver scale spear tightly gripped in his hands. She held her head down until he stood directly in front of her. “Betaal of the Undercity Zora,” he began, tapping the pointed end of the spear on her brow, “You have displayed great strength during your time as a warrior.”

The spear then gently shifted onto her left shoulder. “There is no doubt that you have worked hard and deeply care for your fellow Zora.”

Moving the spear to her other shoulder, Sidon stared into her one remaining eye. “With this, I am proud to declare you as my First Knight. May we work together to bring victory to our great Domain.”

Betaal knelt lower until her brow touched the floor, then she rose to her feet. “Yes, my lord.” she said proudly. The two of them each held out their right hand and clasped them onto the other’s left shoulder, bowing their heads until they lightly touched.

Slowly, they let go, and Sidon shifted the spear until it rested horizontally in his hands. He held it out to Betaal, who took it in her left hand with a thankful nod. Sidon grabbed onto her right hand and held it high, which was a bit awkward since she was so much shorter than him, as she turned to face the cheering crowd.

“May we all welcome the new First Knight, Betaal!” he announced loudly.

The crowd roared with energy as they cheered and clapped their hands. The Undercity Zora hollered and screamed with joy, absolutely ecstatic at one of their own making it into one of the highest positions possible in the elite class of the royal government. The Uppercity Zora were noticeably less excited, politely clapping or simply mumbling words of congratulations in barely audible monotone voices. The soldiers in attendance, many of whom had actually worked under Betaal’s watchful eye before, started up the famous battle chant, shouting “ZO RA RA RA!” over and over as they pumped their weapons into the air.

The sounds of the wild crowd almost drowned out the sound of Brivere’s own speech, but Sidon was still able to barely catch a bit of it as he turned to look at the brothers. Estuu was trembling, clearly shaken by the sudden and extreme change in volume. Both of them quickly went through the same motions that he and Betaal just had, noticeably leaving out the parts where they would have to touch, and then Brivere helped Estuu to his feet and ushered him back into the palace.

Some of the Zora who were watching tilted their heads in confusion, surprised that the Holy Knight’s initiation had happened so quickly, with no one paying attention. But the majority of the crowd either didn’t notice or ignored the brothers in favor of Betaal, who was more popular and technically held a higher rank than Estuu anyways.

Sidon and King Dorephan watched with concern as the two brothers ducked through the grand entryway, but they knew that it was improper to disrupt the ceremony to check up on them. Besides, Brivere had already warned them that this would most likely happen, but apparently Estuu himself was the one who had insisted on going through with the ceremony.

The prince hoped with every scale on his body that his new trio of knights would get along. He was at least confident that they would work together professionally, but this hope quickly died when he caught the glare that Betaal wore as she watched the brothers leaving and the slight scowl that they both gave her in return.

Dear Hylia help them all.

;

The first few days after the ceremony were tense as Sidon tried to adjust to his larger entourage.

It was already bad enough that two new positions were added, leading to more paperwork and fumbling around to try and clear up any confusion. But on top of that stress, his knights were walking around on eggshells. Everyone awkwardly danced around each other, trying not to slice their feet into ribbons as they moved to an ever-changing tune.

One second, everything would at least be somewhat professional, and then the next, Betaal and Brivere would be clawing at each other's throats. The fights always started the same, just over different topics each time. Betaal would say something against either of the brothers and egg them on until Brivere would snap and argue back. Ironically, the youngest Zora, Estuu, managed to be the most mature one and never got involved. But this was probably more due to him being mute than anything else, as evidenced by the cold stare he often eyed Betaal with.

This dynamic was surprising at first because Brivere was usually so reserved and stoic in the face of adversity. But Sidon could tell that Brivere was more confident and open to sharing his feelings after his melt down in the throne room a few months back where he had called out everyone who had ever wronged him and his family. At the same time, however, Brivere often still tried to maintain his usual emotionless mask out of nothing but sheer habit.

And for the most part, he was successful, and almost everyone saw no changes in his personality. But Betaal was the one person who knew all the wrong things to say, pushing Brivere to the point that he would snap and argue back.

If anything, Sidon wanted to be happy that his lover was finally able to give in to and acknowledge his emotions, but he was definitely less thankful that it made their working environment so damn uncomfortable.

Even though he was dating Brivere, Sidon didn't want to take any sides for sake of professionality. He figured that things would get better as they all got used to their new positions, and so he decided to just let the two of them fight it out until things settled down. But as the days melted into weeks and then a month, Sidon realized that things had only gotten worse, if even possible. It got to the point that he would excuse Brivere by sending him away to practice using his future-seeing powers, in turn also getting rid of Estuu. The only good thing to come out of sending the brothers away was a closer friendship with Betaal, resulting in the two of them becoming much more casual with each other. The Undercity knight wouldn’t refer to him by his formal title and didn’t speak in a stuffy manner if they were alone. He appreciated it, since even Brivere couldn’t help but act like he always had a silverscale spear stuck up his ass.

Even then, the few rare moments that Brivere and Betaal would be in the same vicinity as each other would be as tense as ever. Practically all of the other soldiers and workers in the palace knew about their rivalry, and everyone would immediately vacate the room should one of the knights enter while the other was present.

Their constant fighting wore Sidon out, who found it harder and harder to keep up his usual upbeat front that he displayed to his people. It didn’t help that his empathetic ability was always running in the background, catching every bit of animosity that raced through Brivere and Betaal every time they were near each other. Even Estuu, who always stayed out of it, was beginning to take a toll on the prince. Sidon was worried about the younger Zora, who clearly had a lot of inner turmoil, but no way to express it. The raw, negative energy that almost always emitted off of the Holy Knight wore Prince Sidon’s sensitive abilities out.

His knights were too busy arguing to notice the change until one day Sidon snapped and shouted at them. He absolutely hated the way their faces fell and he excused himself, avoiding them for days. As much as he hated to admit it, the relationship between him and Brivere had become strained, and he found himself missing his other Hylian boyfriend every day.

The guilt and fear of losing Brivere as both a lover and a protector, as well as the two other talented knights, was what finally made Sidon take action.

He was going to fix this whether they liked it or not.

;

"I want not a single word from any of you until we reach our destination."

His knights flinched at the harsh edge in Sidon's voice. Brivere opened his mouth to ask exactly where it was that they were going, but quickly decided against it when Sidon glared at him.

They quickly fell into line behind the prince, obediently following him through the maze of hallways inside of the Zora Domain's gigantic palace. It was a well-known joke that it had to be so big because of his father's huge body, but even Sidon thought that the sheer number of useless halls and rooms was ridiculous.

The strange group continued to walk in silence, yet the tension was still thick in the air. Sidon looked over his shoulder to see Betaal and Brivere glaring at each other. Sighing, he continued to lead them down several flights of stairs until they were in the lower, older levels of the palace. This section was mostly unused other than for emergencies or for storage, but what really stood out was the use of doors. For some reason, as the centuries went on, Zora architects decided that they were too good for doors and just made extravagant, high arching entryways instead.

And this old design was exactly what Sidon intended to use to his advantage.

They continued to walk until they came to stand in front of a particularly small door that stretched just above Estuu's head. Sidon grabbed the handle and threw the door open, holding his muscled arm out to welcome them in.

"I need you guys to go inside. There's something we need to investigate."

If it had been anyone else, the three knights would have thought it was shady. If it had been anyone else, they would have decked them. If it had been anyone else, they would have accused the other Zora of trying to lure them into a dark room just to murder them miles below the surface so that no one could hear their screams or find their bodies.

But it wasn't anyone else. It was just Sidon, their trusted prince and superior.

Hesitantly, each of them entered the room. Estuu could walk in easily, but Betaal had to duck her head and Brivere had to tuck himself into a ball and scoot inside.

The room itself wasn't weird. It seemed like an abandoned Hylian guestroom, judging from the design of the carpet and the small bed inside. That certainly explained the low doorframe, since their Hylian friend Link was about the same size as Estuu.

No, what was weird was when the door suddenly slammed shut behind them.

Sidon was definitely bigger than each of them individually, but as he leaned up in front of the door and felt their pounding fists on the weak wood he quickly became unsure if he was stronger than the three of them combined. He could only hope that Estuu was staying out of it like he usually did.

"Sidon!" Betaal's rough voice shouted. "Let us out of here now!"

"Not until you all finally fix things between each other!"

He could hear Brivere's panicked tone as the Oracle Knight pushed his body against the door. "But my Lord, what if something were to happen to you and we-!"

"It is my command as your prince that you three stay in there and work things out!"

The immediate silence that followed told him that Brivere and Betaal had frozen in uncertain shock. It was a dirty move, sure, ordering them to stay in the room, but it was the only way to keep them from arguing back. He felt the weight on the door lighten, then heard soft footsteps as both of his knights quietly slinked back to the center of the room.

Sidon could barely hear their voices through the door, even as he pressed his whole face against it. But while he couldn't make out exact words, he could definitely tell that they were bickering in whispers just as harsh as if they were screaming at each other. He could only guess what the silent Estuu was doing during all of this, most likely just hiding behind his brother while scowling at Betaal, like usual.

The voices quickly grew louder and louder until Sidon could practically feel the wooden door shaking from their intense shouting. When there was sudden silence followed by the loud clanging of metal clashing against each other, he immediately realized that maybe it wasn't a good idea to lock three of the Domain's best fighters into the same room as each other.

Shit. He should have at least taken their weapons away first.

;

Betaal walked behind Prince Sidon, trying not to limp too much and show just how badly Brivere had injured her a few days before. While he was definitely still an asshole, she at least had to acknowledge how skilled he was with a longsword, especially since it wasn’t a common weapon among Zora soldiers.

She was satisfied to at least see him doing the same, as the Oracle Knight stumbled around next to her. Not one of the trio were speaking as they walked through the woods surrounding the Domain. They were overseeing several groups of soldiers who were combing the woods for monsters to make the roads safer for travelers.

Suddenly Prince Sidon stopped walking, making her and Brivere scramble to not bump into him. “I am going to rejoin the group led by Guard Captain Bazz just up ahead. Estuu is with them on my command to help them find any bokoblin bases. You two stay here on stakeout until I return or you receive word saying otherwise.”

“What, is this another ploy to get us to talk to each other and get along again?” she joked, trying to lighten the mood.

It clearly backfired when Sidon stared back at her with a hard gaze. “No. I gave up on doing that after last time. To be quite honest, I am extremely disappointed.” the prince said curtly. “I feel ashamed to bring either of you around the other soldiers because of your behavior. It makes me wonder if I should regret either of you being placed into these positions.”

His words stung, sure, but Betaal couldn’t fathom why Brivere looked absolutely devastated at Sidon’s harsh statement. Perhaps he was weaker than she had initially assumed.

With that, Prince Sidon turned and walked away. The two of them watched his large red form weave through the trees and eventually catch up to Guard Captain Bazz’s group. They were now alone with each other in a grass clearing with nothing else but the bright moon that hung above them.

They aggressively started a camp fire. Rather, they argued about the right way to position the logs, and then how to actually start a fire, then Betaal accused Brivere of trying to freeze her to death with his inability to get a spark going and he just glared back at her when the fire suddenly roared to life.

She rolled her one eye. “What, am I supposed to be impressed? I had to do this all the time when I was in charge at Fort Boko! I bet you and your brother have never had to even light a candle before.”

“First off, Estuu and I lived in poverty for nearly a century,” he said, the blazing fire behind him almost as hot as the heat rising in his chest. “We are both well aware of how to make a fire because it was the only way we could stay warm. Second off, I do not understand why you hate us so much!”

Betaal cringed. “I do not hate you two.” she lied politely.

The Oracle Knight threw his hands into the air, clearly fed up at this point. “Oh bullshit!”

She gaped back. Brivere was always so professional to the point that she was pretty sure that he always had a silver scale spear stuck up his golden ass. “I despise people who deny their hatred when it is so clear,” he spat. “I have had to put up with it for too long from everyone else and I will not tolerate it anymore by the likes of you.”

“Oh really?” she hissed back. “And what exactly makes you think that you and your brother deserve my respect? He shot my eye out! I lost the tournament because of that!”

A frustrated sigh erupted out of Brivere as he tugged on his long forefins. “I am aware of my brother’s actions. I have already apologized, and I will continue to apologize for them. But as I have already told you, I did not put him up to it. I would never cheat for something that I wanted, as satisfaction only comes from truly earning something with one’s own skill.”

His voice dropped as he looked at her through the slits of his visor, regret clear in his deformed eyes. “I thought that I had conveyed my sincerest apologies when I tried to give you the position all those years ago.”

“I don’t remember it that way.” she snapped back.

Brivere arched his brow at her, still forgetting that such gestures couldn’t be seen by others due to his visor. “Really? How do you remember it?”

She hummed and closed her eye. The last round of that cursed tournament was one of the worst days of her life, so she tended to block it out. But she dragged it out from the depths of her mind if only to show Brivere the true impact of his actions.

It took a few minutes before she let out a loud sigh and slumped back against the grass. “I remember walking into the arena with my head held high, not wanting anyone to think that I was trying to hide my eye patch. I remember you standing on the other side of the platform, clearly pitying me. I remember you not even fighting back until I had to call you out on your bullshit.” Her fists balled next to her sides, clenched in anger. “And I remember you humiliating me in front of my own people who wanted me to win for their sake, and all of the people who expected me to fail just for being from the Undercity.”

Brivere silently sat there, clearly unsure of what to say. Eventually, he spoke up in a soft voice. “I am sorry. I didn’t know that you saw it that way.”

“Sure,” she grunted. “You elites are all the same. You act without thinking about what the hell those of us under your thumbs are going through.”

The golden knight’s face pinched tighter in frustration. “I wasn’t even considered worthy of living in society until a few months ago when I became nothing but a tool for the elite that you claim I am part of.”

“And even back then, you were still considered higher than me!” she shouted, shooting into an upright position. Her one eye stared back at him, boring a hole through his visor. “Don’t you see?! Undercity Zora like me are so far below the rest of you!”

“Then maybe you should not get so hung up on useless titles and statuses!”

Her hands flew into the air in frustration. “You really don’t get it!” she laughed. There was not a trace of humor in her breath, however. “I have to work for those titles! It’s the only way I can be even be seen as worthy to live by those stuck up pompous assholes! It’s the only way I can survive!”

“Do not speak to me as if I do not understand!” he shouted in her face, baring his sharp teeth. “You know of the controversy that used to surround my family. I am well aware of how much titles matter in society, but at least I have learned that there is more to life than bending over backwards for the very people that will dispose of you the second you aren’t useful anymore!”

A strangled growl clawed its way out of her throat. “Don’t act like you’re suddenly wiser and smarter than me because of your fancy new powers! YOU DON’T GET ANYTHING!”

The two of them were now panting for breath as they glared each other down. They were absolutely daring the other Zora to make the next accusation, to stab the next painful word through the other’s heart, but nothing came of it. Eventually they lost their steam and fell back onto the grass, slowly curling up into themselves. The woods continued to be quiet, other than the occasional howl of a monster too far away to be a threat.

Betaal was the first to break the sudden silence that had washed over them. “You seriously can’t expect me to believe that you are above titles when you clearly adhere to them so well.”

He glared at her through the slits of his silver visor. “And what has misled you to that conclusion?”

“How about the fact that you made up your new position of Oracle Knight?”

“I thought I already explained this to you back in the barracks months ago,” he groaned. “First off, the Oracle Knight and First Knight hold the same status, so it is not as if I gained anything. I would dare to say that you have more power than me, since you have control of the prince’s soldiers and I do not unless he tells me otherwise.”

Betaal deflated a bit at this, realizing he was right. “Then why do it?”

“I already told you. Goddess, were you not listening back at the barracks?”

“Sorry, I’ve learned to tune you out for years now.”

A slow, deep sigh hissed out of Brivere as he held his hands together in prayer and pressed them to his face. “Dear Hylia above please give me strength.”

The First Knight rolled her eye. “Cut the theatrics and just tell me why you made such an arbitrary title for yourself.”

“Fine.” he said curtly. “As I have stated before, I simply wanted to pledge my bloodline’s loyalty to the royal family. As my father was dedicated to King Dorephan, I am to Prince Sidon, and I know that our ability to see the future will be passed down and continue through a strong line of knights who wish to do the same for their generation of the next ruler.”

Betaal sighed. “Yeah, but don’t you think that’s a little much? Everyone already thinks that it’s weird that you and Sidon are together so often.”

She flinched when Brivere suddenly shot up, his eyes clearly wild even through the narrow slits of his visor. “We do not stay together too much!” he cried out.

Propping herself onto her elbows, she arched her brow at the flustered Oracle Knight. “No, you guys totally do. You think that I don’t find it insulting every time

His mask of indifference was cracking, letting her see the panic writhing underneath. “I do no such thing!” Brivere said, unconvincingly. She stared at him in confusion, completely lost as to what suddenly made him so anxious.

Wait.

The way he was so defensive at the smallest accusations, completely flushed at the mere question of his relation to Sidon…

It reminded Betaal of herself.

Realization dawned on her. “You and Prince Sidon are dating?!” she shrieked before she could control herself.

Brivere yelped and gripped onto the grass around him. “N-no! It is not what you think! I assure you that it is much more complicated!” he exclaimed.

“Bullshit!” Betaal shouted, scooting right next to him. She absolutely enjoyed the embarrassed way he squirmed in place.

Stabbing a clawed finger at his chest, she giddily asked “How long has it been?”

He didn’t respond. Although she had a surprising soft spot for romance, that did not excuse her suddenly becoming too pushy, especially considering their tense relationship with each other. And that was putting it lightly. She pulled her finger back and awkwardly sat next to him, their scales shining from the warm fire blazing just in front of them.

A couple of minutes passed before the silence was broken by his soft voice. “Over a year.”

Her head whipped to the side to stare at Brivere, stunned. “Seriously?! For that long?!”

His golden tail shyly bobbed as he nodded. “Yes. We have kept it secret for many reasons, which I am not completely comfortable sharing without his consent.” Although she wanted to ask for more details, it was a reasonable restriction.

He still caught the conflicted look on her face and chuckled, much to her surprise. She had never seen him actually happy before. She hadn’t even known that he was capable of feeling such a thing. “I will tell you, however, that one of the many problems with our relationship is the power dynamic. He technically holds a lot of power over me as my prince, but I assure you that we see each other on equal terms.”

Hesitating, he tilted his head towards Betaal so that she could see his deformed eyes through the slits of his visor. The strong light of the fire illuminated not just the strange condition of his eyes, but also the broken man that was hiding underneath all of the extravagant jewelry and armor.

“Can you please promise me that you will not tell anyone of this?” he said in a desperate, pleading whisper that tugged at her heart. “Aside from Estuu and Link, Prince Sidon is all that I have. I cannot imagine a world where all three of them did not exist alongside me.”

Betaal hummed and slowly nodded. “I can do you one better,” she said, piquing Brivere’s interest. “In exchange for your confession, I will give you one of my own.”

As much as she didn’t want to, she had pressured Brivere into confessing something he was clearly uncomfortable with. And on top of that, it was something that was a secret, something that could possibly ruin his career. So it was only fair if she did the same.

She took in a deep breath and stared into the flickering fire in front of them. Its warmth reminded her of the special one in her heart. “I am dating another soldier named Dunma, who was recently promoted to my right hand in command.”

“…Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Both of them sat in silence. Eventually, Brivere spoke up. “Does anyone else know about this?”

“Not to my knowledge.”

“I am sorry. Obviously, I know how it feels.”

“It’s alright. I just wouldn’t dare to tell anyone for the same reasons you and Sidon haven’t.” She laughed. “Power dynamics, what a bitch, right?”

Brivere surprisingly snorted and replied, “What a bitch.”

Betaal thought about how easily they were talking now despite being at each other’s throats for the last few years, more so over just this month alone. And then she cringed, remembering the results of such hostility.

“Hey…” she said slowly. “I’m sorry.”

Brivere looked at her, his lips slightly parted in surprise. “For what?”

“You know, all of the fighting. Sidon’s clearly pissed at us. I’m sorry if I accidentally ruined whatever you guys have. I can’t imagine a world without my Dunma.”

He sighed and leaned back into the grass. “Then can we agree to stop fighting every time we see each other?”

“Sure.”

“Then I accept your apology.”

Both of them were now reclined on the ground, faces turned to each other, both out of the desire for company and to also not lay directly on their head fins and cause muscle cramps later. The warmth of the fire lapped at their feet as the cool night air washed over the rest of their bodies.

Brivere’s voice softly made its way over to her. “I apologize for the way I acted at the tournament all those years ago. I had no idea that you perceived me that way. I thought I was doing the right thing, but it is now clear that I didn’t.”

She sighed and closed her eye. “I mean- sure. Yeah, it’s cool. But I want to know what the hell you were thinking, not fighting back against me.”

“I assure you that it was not out of pity. I could never look down on such an admirable fighter.” At this she jokingly scoffed back, swatting the compliment away with one hand. “I am serious!” Brivere laughed. “There is a reason why you have become so popular within our army and eventually earned the title of First Knight. You are extremely talented in battle.”

“Are you going to get to your point or are you going to finish sucking my dick first?” Betaal teased.

Brivere gasped at her vulgarity and she laughed at how flustered he got. “Right right, sorry, forgot that you only do that to our beloved prince.”

“BETAAL!”

“Geez, you’re too sensitive. But seriously, continue.”

The golden knight would have rolled his eyes, but even that slight movement caused him pain in his current condition. He tried to convey the gesture through his exasperated words. “I didn’t fight back because I thought that it would make up for my brother’s actions. Everyone already hated me so much because of the controversy surrounding both of us, and the arrow incident seemed to push them all over the edge. I thought that I didn’t deserve the position of First Knight if I could be so easily shaken by their words, but I learned to put up a stoic front to at least take away their satisfaction from hurting me.”

His voice suddenly became low as he tried to find the right words. “I figured that if everyone wanted you to win because of their hatred of me, then I might as well give in to it. I didn’t want to bring shame to Prince Sidon. I wanted to give you the position in exchange for the loss of your eye, I suppose.”

“And you didn’t think about how I could possibly see that as you pitying me or looking down on my misfortune?”

“I never would have imagined that it could be misconstrued in that way. I am so sorry that I was too misguided to realize it.”

Betaal sighed. “Promise to never do something like that again?”

“You have my word.”

“Then I accept your apology.”

They lay there, listening to the quiet woods around them. Neither of them knew exactly what got into them after a few moments of silence. Maybe it was exhaustion. Maybe neither of them cared anymore. Maybe it was the relief that they had finally cleared up some misunderstandings, and they were hoping to clear up some more.

Whatever the reason, they slowly began talking.

Betaal relayed her struggle as an Undercity Zora, constantly trying to prove that she was worth far more than the snotty elites above her deemed her to be. She joked that her father wanted her to be a scholar, since a higher education was definitely uncommon among her people, but she couldn’t help but become the living stereotype of an Undercity brawler. The battlefield just kept calling to her too much to stay away. As harsh as it was, war was her home, the one place where she could be herself and actually feel that her life actually had some sort of inherent worth, even when everyone above her said otherwise.

In exchange, Brivere told her about the hardships he had had to endure because of his father’s hasty marriage on the battlefield over a century ago. Despite being able to see the future and knowing that he would die, Prion had still left him and his mother alone in the world with no evidence of his love for them. As a result, both were stripped of nobility status and his mother had been taken advantage of by Zambezi in her grieving state. The only good thing to come out of it was his beloved brother Estuu, who may have acted a bit differently and required more care than most kids, but had been, and still was, extremely cute and intelligent.

At least, that was his younger brother that he was describing, so Brivere was definitely biased.

Betaal cringed at that part but decided to hold her own opinions aside. After all, the kid did shoot her eye out and still presented no explanation as to why. Then again, he was mute, but still. She continued to listen anyways, feeling her heart begin to soften towards the brothers as Brivere’s story continued.

She caught the way Brivere’s breath hitched when he hesitated before speaking about how his mother had killed herself because of all of the mockery that she endured. It had happened when he had simply been asked to take Estuu out to practice archery, and they came back to find their dead mother floating in their poisoned cistern. Brivere was left alone to take care of a child, but he was just a child as well.

And then all he had was Estuu and all Estuu had was him.

He had clawed his way up to First Knight to try and regain some sense of dignity and also to support the two of them. And now here he was as Oracle Knight, nothing more than a tool for the elite to use for their own desires.

Sure, Betaal had heard his story many times before. It was definitely tragic and complicated, but the full extent of how bad it was had never hit her when it was just rumors spread around the barracks by soldiers in-between sparring sessions. As she sat there listening to the man who had actually went through it all, she could see the pain in his eyes that the others had written off as weakness or joked about right in front of him.

And in-between each of their stories they kept saying sorry to each other. The apologies became less about their own wrong doings against the other and more about the regret they felt for the other Zora experiencing such hardship.

As the night stretched on and the fire began to burn itself out, the topic of difficult pasts shifted to amazing victories on the battlefield and other fond memories. They found that they actually had more in common than they initially thought. It ranged from strong ties, like their shared hatred for the upper class that looked down on them, to smaller, more mundane things, like their shared enjoyment over The Cursed Girl series. Brivere admitted that he hadn’t really read the series but knew about most of it since his younger brother had completely memorized the books and sometimes used it as a means of communication. This impressed Betaal, and Estuu became a bit more bearable to her in that aspect.

Somehow, the conversation turned to insecurities, along with whispers of praise and encouragement to the other Zora, trying to assure the other that they shouldn’t be afraid or that they had more worth than they gave themselves credit for. They could sense each other come close to tears several times and said nothing if the other had to pause and sniffle or wipe at their face.

Both of them were terrified of failure. Of becoming useless and unworthy of simply being alive. Of losing the Zora that they loved the most in the world. Brivere even admitted to how he was sharing Prince Sidon with the Hylian Champion Link and Betaal didn’t even bat her eye. If anything, she just teased him about it, asking if he felt something for the Hylian as well and shrieking with laughter when he couldn’t answer.

The moon shone brightly above them, now the only source of light as the fire had died long ago. They were quietly gasping for breath, throats and minds completely exhausted from hours of talking about things that they had never told anyone else.

Betaal’s one eye met Brivere’s deformed ones hidden behind his visor. A silent message passed between them as their peculiar eyes became heavy, promising to still be on their guard and protect one other should anything try to attack them in their sleep.

;

“Do not rest until they are found!” Prince Sidon shouted to his men.

“Yes sir!” the soldiers shouted back in unison.

He nervously watched as they dispersed, each guard looking behind every tree and disappearing to search further into the woods. When he had left his First and Oracle Knights yesterday to join another group of soldiers, Sidon had never anticipated how long it would take. He had only intended to be gone for a few hours in order to regain his composure after accidentally lashing out with a venomous tongue. Brivere had reacted as if the prince had just run his spear through his chest, but Sidon left his lover behind anyways like a coward.

And now he worried that their relationship would be ruined over such careless words. The same thing had happened a long time ago, when Brivere had been sick with the Water Blight and had said harsh things to Sidon. He remembered how broken he himself had become over such statements. It had taken forever for them to come back from that, and it was nothing short of a miracle that they managed to be in a relationship now. But as much as Brivere hated to admit it, he was softer at heart and much more emotionally fragile than Sidon was. He was just much better at hiding it.

That wasn’t the only thing that worried Sidon. When they had finally returned from destroying a Bokoblin base, he had realized that he didn’t actually know where he had left Betaal and Brivere the night before. The woods were extremely vast and had no landmarks that made anything stand out. It was just a sea of trees with monsters lurking inside, making Sidon realize that they had wandered too far, and now he had no idea where his two knights could be.

Sidon shook off his worries and helped search the forest, trying to make himself useful. Shouts of Brivere and Betaal’s names by other soldiers were the only things he could hear over the heavy pounding of his heart. But even as he tried to occupy his mind with scanning the woods for his knights, he couldn’t help but think of every possible scenario imaginable.

What if the two of them had gotten ambushed by raiders? A member of the Yiga Clan? A whole group of Yiga Clan members? A Hinox? A hoard of monsters? What if they had gotten lost or injured? What if they were… dead?

A shudder passed through Sidon. What if they had finally had enough of each other and had drawn their weapons out? What if they were both dead from the fight? After all, both of them had proven themselves to be two of the most talented fighters in the domain. No, what if one of them had accidentally killed the other and ran away, trying to escape imprisonment?

He didn’t notice that he was practically sprinting through the woods now. The only thing that would ease his anxieties would be if he could actually find them.

A blur of scarlet suddenly crashed into him. Whatever it was, it was much smaller than him, but the surprise of the attack knocked him to the ground. He quickly positioned his spear so that it was threateningly pointed at his opponent.

Estuu stared back at him, unamused.

“Oh!” Sidon said sheepishly, lowering his weapon. “I apologize, Holy Knight. But then again, that isn’t the best way to get the attention of someone who is on edge.”

When Estuu just glared back Sidon remembered that the younger Zora couldn’t talk. For all he knew, Estuu could have actually been trying to get his attention for a while now and he had just been too distracted to notice. The prince cleared his throat in an attempt to save face. “Nevermind that. Is there something you wish to report to me?”

The younger Zora tugged onto Sidon’s silver bracelet and pointed behind him. When the prince just arched his brow in confusion, Estuu sighed and let go. He then used his only hand to cover one eye and after a pause used his flattened fingers to cover both of them, raising them up and down like a visor.

Sidon immediately perked up. “You have found Betaal and Brivere?!”

Estuu nodded and grabbed back onto Sidon’s bracelet, trying to pull the prince along. He obliged, obediently following the scarlet Zora through the woods.

The sight would have looked comical to anyone else, a child dragging around a fully-grown Prince like a beloved toy. In any other situation, Sidon would have laughed at how ridiculous this was, but his heart was tearing itself apart as feelings of relief and anxiety battled in his chest. The two of them silently weaved through the trees. But as their walk stretched on, the only thing on his mind was the state of his knights, each possible outcome getting worse and worse with each passing second.

He was so caught up in his growing panic that he didn’t even notice that Estuu had stopped and was now staring at him. Sidon only snapped out of it when a strangled growl escaped the small Zora’s throat as he waved his only arm to a grass clearing right in front of them.

The prince nearly had a heart attack on the spot. Laying in the grass were both of his knights, completely motionless.

Sidon wrestled out of Estuu’s grasp and accidentally knocked the tiny Zora aside when he ran towards his fallen friends. “BRIVERE! BETAAL!” he screamed.

To his shock, both of them shot up onto their feet and had their weapons pointed at him in the blink of an eye. As he stumbled and fell over, he couldn’t tell if he was more relieved to see that they were actually alive or scared that they might attack him any second.

Luckily, it was the former. “My lord!” Brivere shouted, lowering his weapon as he ran to Sidon’s side. “I am so sorry! You caught us by surprise in our slumber!”

Sidon was so happy that Brivere was still alive and apparently not mad at him that he pulled the golden knight into a tight embrace on top of him. He didn’t care that Betaal was still standing there, although he was confused when an amused smirk danced across her lips.

Both of them quickly pulled apart and Brivere quickly got back onto his feet, holding a hand out to help him up. Sidon grasped onto it more out of a need to physically feel his lover’s presence and to assure himself that he was truly there than because he needed help. He then turned to both of his knights, a sorrowful look on his face. “I am deeply sorry for leaving the two of you alone for so long. I did not anticipate running into a hoard of bokoblins, and I spent the night with Guard Captain Bazz and his men trying to get rid of them at their base. We have all been looking for you for hours.”

He was relieved when his knights simply nodded in response. “I apologize for the trouble, my lord.” Brivere said, bowing his head. Betaal laughed and smacked a hand onto the golden knight’s back.

Sidon tensed up, anticipating a fight. But, to his surprise, Brivere just chuckled in return as he straightened up. The First Knight then stepped forward, eyeing Sidon with an amused gaze.

“It’s alright your Highness. Everything turned out fine,” Betaal said, patting him on the arm as she passed. Then she paused and looked over her shoulder, grinning at Brivere. “I’m going to go around and get the other soldiers to stop their search. I’ll take the part of the woods west of here and you take the east?”

Brivere nodded with a slight smile. “Sounds like a plan.”

“Cool.” Betaal looked back at Sidon and blinked, but the way she did it suggested that she was actually trying to wink at him. “Don’t slack off. I know you want some alone time with your Oracle Knight, but actually try and search for any wandering soldiers. Send them all back to the barracks when you find them so that this doesn’t stretch on for too long.”

He was too stunned to argue. “Uh- um, I… Ok. Yes, sure.”

With a nod to both of them, Betaal walked through the trees and out of sight. Estuu waved and pointed in her direction, scurrying off before either of them could say otherwise.

Now that they were alone, Sidon ogled his First Knight. “What in Hylia’s name did I miss?” he asked.

A rare laugh escaped Brivere’s taut lips. “I assure you not much, my lord.” the golden knight said as he held his hand out to lightly grab onto Sidon’s. “Shall we look around and tell the other soldiers that the First Knight and I are safe?”

Numbly, Sidon nodded, and the confusion sloshing around inside of him melted into affection as he and his lover walked away hand in hand. Of course, when they came across other guards they had to quickly pull apart. But the feelings of affection still remained.

;

The first few days after the incident in the woods were awkward as Sidon tried to adjust to his knights’ sudden change in behavior.

No one could explain why the two seemed to be so much calmer now. The other soldiers and palace workers still left the room out of habit when one of the knights would enter while the other was in there, but they would peer behind the entryway and be surprised to find that the two of them would just be politely chatting with each other.

It was also strange to see two of the most powerful and strongest warriors in the Zora Domain suddenly be so casual. This was especially because Betaal tended to act tough to cover up how she struggled being the only Undercity soldier in the palace, and Brivere had always been known for his infamous resting bitch face and spear-up-his-ass attitude. So, it completely shocked everyone when the First Knight would often lean over and whisper something to the Oracle Knight and they would immediately start cackling. Genuine smiles and bouts of laughter became less rare, and Sidon was finally enjoying his role as a prince again.

Although Betaal had clearly not completely forgiven Estuu yet, it was obvious that she had at least warmed up to him a bit. Some swore that they saw her quietly sitting with the younger Zora in the royal library, both of them completely engrossed in the same book that they had read so many times before. Guard Captain Bazz even claimed that he once witnessed her follow Estuu when he ran away to have a meltdown, presumably comforting him by the way he quickly recovered and came back. But if anyone asked Betaal, she always denied it and no one was certain if she was actually joking or not.

Now that they all got along, it was an absolute joy to have the three of them be Sidon’s personal knights. To him, it was just like having old friends be your coworkers, and his dull duty as prince became much more bearable as a result.

They even often had contests during boring council meetings to see who could get away with the most outrageous and funny gestures without the other stuffy old council members noticing. No one knew who had started it, but Estuu was the reigning champion because he had somehow managed to sneak behind King Dorephan’s shoulder and stick his tongue out without anyone else batting an eye. They had to tone it down after Sidon burst out laughing while a council member was reading about the soldier fatality rates and funeral procedures.

Prince Sidon had always known that his three soldiers had had difficult pasts. Each of them had never been expected to make it to their high positions. Everyone held them down and told them that they were worthless, and complained that they must have cheated to become his personal knights for the sole purpose of mooching off of his power.

But Sidon knew better than that. His knights had fought back against society’s designated roles for each of them, taking what was rightfully theirs with the intention of protecting the very people that had tormented them for years. Brivere, Estuu, and Betaal were very admirable in his eyes, refusing to stick to an oppressive class system or listen to anyone’s harsh tongue and instead, choosing to fight for what was right.

And, as he proudly stood by his father’s throne, three of the Zora Domain’s toughest and most fearsome warriors kneeling right beside him, Prince Sidon couldn’t help but hope that he could rule his kingdom the very same way his knights acted when the time came.

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ark-of-eden · 7 years ago

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Fanfics for Appreciation.

(R:) This is, by no means, an exhaustive list of every awesome fic author or awesome fic that I love, because that is a huge list and I am honestly writing the following recs based on what comes up first in my mind or in my collections and how long I can write this before my brain melts. ^^;; Please do not assume that if you aren't below then I don't read or like your stuff; if you write fic, assume that I love you and you deserve all the treats and affection. :D

Uh, just for the record, in the course of compiling this list, I learned that I seem to like more darkfic than I thought I did, so...C_C;;;

The World's Translated Thus by Abyssal1/Aleph_Abyssal: I believe that @12_drakon deserves thanks for reuploading the PDF in Google docs? The above link is literally the only place I can find it anymore. The prequel, Red Letter Days, is downloadable here in EPUB. This fic is one of the famous ones, IIRC. I love it because it has the very best alien worldbuilding for G1 Cybertron that I have ever read. This is one of the fics that is so well-contained that I feel like I could easily rec it to anyone who knows nothing about Transformers and they would be able to grasp it all just fine, provided that they were cool with the quantum alien goo sex and tons of angst. (And if anyone out there knows what Abyssal1's pro name is, tell me so that I can buy the shit out of her novels and whatever else she's writing these days.)

The collected works of Anax (Imperator): Anax is technically on AO3, but most of his TF fics remain on LJ. All existing chapters of Five Million Years are there, while only eight were ever uploaded to AO3; LJ also holds the two incomplete sequels. Please send ups to this dude so he will Rite Moar because he is brilliant. His worldbuilding is magnificent, depicting early-war military life with all sorts of brilliant politicking and character interactions.

Starcrossed Duology by gatekat & Verilidaine: Another infamous fic, IIRC. Amazing character development and breadth of story, and the most tearjerky ending I have ever seen on a fic. The first fifth to fourth of the main story is the most soul-numbing stretch of extended horror and torture that I've experienced (and I have read quite a bit of horror and torture), but the really great thing is that the echoes of those events continue for the rest of the entire fic, shaping the lives of the people involved and prompting a very realistic recovery/adaptation in the wake of the trauma. The rest of what these two wrote together is also good; I especially like Judicium and The Making and Breaking of a Trine, but all of their work is hugely detailed. (Just really pay attention to those tags.) For even more of the even more if you find that you need more, search gatekat's immense outpouring for the more. There is so, so much. x_x

Borealis by tainry: This fic is amazing. It starts with the discovery of how the Bayverse Cybertronians can reproduce after the loss of the Allspark and a way of turning salvaged human minds into new Cybertronians, and then it expands through ages of time and cultural advancements until it's beautiful and huge. Science and technology are wrapped into the setting with special skill so all the tech feels believable.

Sound and Fury Series by fractalserpentine & HopeofDawn: One of my favorite pieces of fiction ever, and another series that I could rec to non-TF-fans and feel confident that they wouldn't lose their grip on the setting. This is some goddamn beautiful worldbuilding focused on the culture of carrier and symbiote mecha with Soundwave and friends as a focal point. I cannot overstate how great the work on the setting and characterization is. Even cooler, the "interfacing" in this whole series is asexual (based on data transfer) and is intimate without being truly erotic. The end of this series wraps up in the end of the Giants of the Earth series (another badass piece that I, being ignorant of Iron Giant media, didn't expect to like as much as I did).

Domesticus Series by femme4jack, fractalserpentine, HopeofDawn, and Sakiku: The premise is that Earth is exporting humans to be turned into sex slaves for Cybertronians who don't see them as sapient beings. But the stories are way more than shallow xenoporn (though there's plenty of that in many lovely forms). Various Cybertronians end up learning more about the human species and work for greater human rights, especially after humans and Cybertronians are discovered to have a natural symbiosis.

Everything written by peacewish: She is intimidatingly brilliant. These Games We Play is the main story, and it's such a carefully-crafted epic in which Soundwave becomes too attached to Jazz (his postwar slave) and there is a great deal of politicking among the Decepticion elite, plus the small-scale mind games in which Jazz and Soundwave jockey for power in their relationship. It's so complex and it unfolds so perfectly.

Book of Hours by Kemmasandi: An in-progress fic that I love because of all the careful attention to worldbuilding (probably you can see a theme to my picks here). Cybertronian society and technology are written in a natural, effortless way that makes the whole setting feel very alive, and the characters are so well-crafted. I've yet to come across another fic that does the prewar development of Orion and Megatronus' relationship so believably.

Across the Great Divide Series by dragonofdispair and Rizobact: I freaking love this series to bits because it addresses disability in such an interesting way. Prowl has a sensory issue that makes it painful for him to touch anyone, but he wants to have a relationship with Jazz and they make it work. Involves other people learning about and respecting a disabled person's needs and a couple working to accomodate one partner's difficulties for mutual pleasure. Also cool cultural details and robot Mafia.

what you are in the dark by Enfilade: This is actually my favorite one-shot fic, the one I think of first after setting aside all those epic Great Cybertronian Novel fics mentioned above. The appeal for me is the simple setup of erotica in which one person cannot see and the other doesn't speak. The descriptions and everything else about this fic just amaze me... It's beautifully executed and I hold it very, very close to my heart.

Soooooo many other things by Enfilade: There's just...so damn much here to love...TT^TT The agonizing denial desert of These Shackles You Forged, the great character interactions in Mend What is Broken, the more great character interactions enhanced by extra added Tarn and Deathsaurus in On My Dark and Lonely Side... It's all so good. It's all so painfully good. TTT^TTT

oh god so many things by ultharkitty i'm pretty sure i have a problem: I confess that my favorite pieces by her are the extremely twisted ones that are permutations on the theme of sociopathic monster Vortex fixating on innocent angel First Aid. I'm just gross with how much I love the things she does with that pairing purely because it's her doing that pairing; otherwise, I couldn't give a damn about Vortex/First Aid. I have to make some specific recs here: -- Mind Games and Dream Fragments: The Fave. Vortex is cruelly kind in giving First Aid what he wants the most. -- What You Wish For: If you can handle very dark darkfic, PLEASE READ THIS. It's actually Vortex/Dead End, but the main storyarc involves Dead End becoming addicted to the experience of other people's deaths and eventually graduating to terrible misuse of spark bonds. All the characterization is razor-sharp, the pacing is perfect, the character development is wow, and the ending is inevitable. I love this horrible lump of pain. -- Rain: Sad, minimalist story of fallout from fraternization. -- The Wages of Compassion: First Aid sparkbonds with Vortex to save his life, and there is some twisted Combaticon culture and First Aid literally reformatting a dude. Characterization is lovely despite how dark this is. -- Euphoria: A non-war, sane-Vortex AU in which First Aid gets a membership at an exclusive kink resort and Vortex is his amazing dom. Downright cockle-warming!!

An Education by zuzeca: Sequel to Fading Embers by spaceliquid. Galvatron starts brooding after battlefield sex with Optimus and Cyclonus, worried that he won't ever be able to satisfy his lord again, starts taking pleasure lessons from the Prime. It sounds like it should be lolcracky, but it's actually gentle and bittersweet with very lovable characters. This is one of the fics that I keep rereading every so often because I enjoy experiencing it that much. Zuzeca's Pillars of the Temple series is also several stories of TFP AU win that include too much awesome to sum up here.

Fics and Fears by 12drakon: Damn, I love this fic so, so much. The underpinning of the whole thing is the function of fiction in different areas of life. Some people use it to cope with past trauma, others to spin events in their favor, others to prop themselves up with hero fantasies... It's like fanfiction about the concept of fanfiction, but the TFP story packaging it all is really great too.

Robots, Robots Everywhere Series by oriflamme: Each fic is very different in nearly every way, but holy shit, her use of language and world design is just amazing. I wish I could be more specific, but every story really is too different to write a capsule of the whole thing. :P IT GOOD. READ.

Just about everything by spockandawe: It took a bit for me to get used to the second-person narration, but the stories are so great that any delivery method is perfect. I love the character interaction. I love the narrative voice (it constantly makes me want to read them out loud because the language she uses is so fun). The sad bits are piercing but beautiful.

War Without End Series by AzarDarkstar & dracoqueen22: Finally, a series based on the enormous question of why Bayverse Optimus is so chill about his people getting killed and why he keeps bending in favor of the humans to the point of destroying his own species. The other Autobots are just as disturbed by these events. Eventually, Autobots and Decepticons gravitate together to save their own kind and learn to reproduce without the Allspark. This series is just designed and executed in a damn cool way.

Prisoner by hellkitty: I have such a soft spot for this one because it focuses on linguistic differences between Autobots and Decepticions that have developed over the war. The POV is of a human grad student who is given the injured Starscream to study because the Autobots and NEST don't care about her research.

Just about every other damn thing by hellkitty: For your convenience, the above link goes to the first of the 19 pages of fic she has. Just chug those damn things. Most aren't very long. Also, it's hard to pick out certain ones to rec without my notes elsewhere, because she tends to not include descriptions or link related stories into series, so reading oldest to newest is how to get most things in order. :/ I remember her fondly because she writes quite a bit of prewar Drift (including interesting stories of how poverty and sex work manifest in Rodion) and Deadlock, and I am just ragingly onboard for that content. Be aware that there's some twisted stuff in places, especially with her super toxic Turmoil/Deadlock. One specific rec I might make would be Meridian, a fairly dark AU in which Deadlock really did sell out the Knights and took Wing as a war prize when he returned to the Decepticons.

Upon a Star Series by dracoqueen22: I love this series so much. It makes my heart tender and my eyes tear up. TT_TT It really does feel like a fairytale and I love all the tiny details about Prowl and Sunstreaker and even poor, desperate Starscream. Turbocharged comfort fic like a fuzzy pillow fort.

So many things by Lycaste: There's just so many damn delightful pieces here. It helps that a lot of it has to do with the DJD and the like. XB Wired for Action, The Autobot Justice Division, Cry Havoc (In Quatrains), and Sibling Rivalry are some of my very favorites. After spending too much time stuffing my brain with darkfic, I really need well-written humor, and these are definite repeat reads.

Nearly everything by Owlix: Owlix writes a little bit of everything. I recall a lot of his pieces being small, carefully-made sketches of character interactions.

Dear Lies Series by dracoqueen22: I honestly like this one not because I enjoy the dynamic, exactly, but because it shows how insidiously and gradually abusive elements can enter into a relationship. Features Jazz as the too-intense antagonist. (TBH, I have a weird liking for fics in which Jazz is subtly or overtly sinister.)

And I'm pretty sure everybody likes something from Bibliotecaria_D: You can't really go wrong with her work. ^^ Highlights in my mind include White Lies (great postwar DJD sads), Constructicon Lite (Constructicons feeding Prowl), Gone Fishing (the wonderful adventures of the guy with Megatron's voice), Walk the Line (realistic, educational BDSM fic), and Playing the Long Odds (another cool realistic story about falling in love with friends and how that changes things).

There are so damn many more but my eyes are starting to get blurry from too much shuffling around in my archives. =_= I love all you wonderful fic writers. You bring me so much joy.

#fic recs #awesome fanfiction #fanfic writers #bless this mess #transformers fandom #i literally can't express how much joy fanfiction has brought to me over the years #fanfiction has literally reined in my suicidal ideation several times because i realize that i don't want to die until i read the ends #fanfiction against mental illness #people that i love #IF YOU WRITE FIC I LOVE YOU

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