#which is interesting because i guess that means he's Always represented hope even though i can't remember when i made that decision

[possessable]

Mmm future for bozzy for the evil oc asks

Actually a bit of a difficult question to answer because i didn't think much about Bozzy's future aside from "he's doing Pretty Well" [SORRY BOZZY YOUR MEMORY GOT TURNED INTO A SYMBOL OF GUILT HAUNTING THE NARRATIVE EVEN THOUGH YOU WENT OFF TO HAVE A RELATIVELY GOOD LIFE] so the only worst outcome i can think of for him is something he already largely avoided,

i think the worst thing for him would be if he got stuck in that transitional lull when the hurt is no longer actively happening but the healing has not begun yet , like if after he had to leave his home he became too wary to ever let himself be hopeful for fear of it being taken away [again] . in my mind [in the narrative too, i guess?] he has always represented hope [for some reason] so i think the worst thing would be if he didn't let himself believe he could be okay again

It's okay though because he does end up okay again and he also helps Rowan be okay again

[the-fandom-finder]

It think my main problem with some Izzy fans is they straight up lie or have extreme cognitive dissonance for stuff. “Izzy is more popular than ed/stede” no you were just around people who like is he more than them? I promise you the average person fandom or not does not like him more than the main characters. Also, just because he’s popular in the fandom doesn’t mean he’s a better character. You how many fandom I’ve been where they sent her around the white male character more than any other character? So often it’s a dime a dozen. He talks about how crazy Ed is before we even meet the character and when we meet him, he’s just a little suicidal at very least at that point. honestly even if he did survive, it would not make sense for him to be the captain of the ship. It’s canon that he’s not good at running anything and only really good at violence. he’s an interesting character meant to represent toxic masculinity at least in season one and how breakable and fragile it is. Honestly, him and Zuko have a lot in common when it comes to fandoms. These characters are both flawed and I’ve done bad things, but for some reason, some fans wanna make them look perfect like they’ve done nothing wrong and excuse everything that comes with the cost of completely miss characterizing everyone else around them. Man called the British, which are basically the cop because he didn’t get what he wants and view himself as knowing Ed more than himself which is messed up, bro. and the story portrays this as bad like it should be. Also, why are all the tags that were created to criticize Izzy taking over by Izzy fans like you asked for a specific tag and then take it over and then get upset when people use it. I also have seen fans on Twitter called themselves Ofmd hater and then spend all their time talking about the show. It’s OK to move on. It is not the Izzy show and never was. I have to rewash the show to remember Izzy‘s and actually interesting character because his fans have changed him so much that I can’t stand him if I don’t watch the show. There is a reason why people were being rude against the phantom for some stupid reason reasons or only a small group of people they named them and that weird little list they had. Now I don’t think any of the Izzy fan should be attacked or doxxed because that’s just weird and wrong. That doesn’t mean you can’t criticize them and how weird they are about this white man. I think it’s time for some of you who just have so much hatred of everything else in the TV show. Make an OC That’s like 2 inches away from that character and leave you’ll be much happier. Another problem I have is how some people treat David he’s not a perfect man nor perfect writer, but to go out of your way to say you understand the story infinitely more than him is crazy. He is shown multiple times he loves the character. This is just how he wanted to take him in the story not out of malice,, not out of homophobia not of hatred for disabled people, but because that’s how his story was always going to end he just got to die slightly less full of hate and may be a little happy. Izzy and ed had no chance of ending up together. The story basically states that pretty early that it was one-sided and not entirely healthy on either side. Also celebrating the show knocking a third season and people losing their jobs even though you were probably going to see Izzy again in some form is crazy.  I promise you your hate did nothing or brothers was just being a cheap ass and canceled other diverse shows so it definitely wasn’t because of you. Either way, I guess I win in the end. I still love the show and not full of anger at least about this. I got a lot of other problems lol. This post is probably way too long about something that doesn’t really matter too much but it feels good to get it out especially with finals coming around. If you read this entire thing and hate me well thanks for reading. I guess. Hope you have a nice day and I mean that genuinely life‘s kind of sucks right now for everyone lol.

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Mini & Moni Music was... interesting, kind of concerning? We really know so little about the members - especially if you're like me and don't watch all the lives and documentaries, and read every book or interview. Even if I did all that, though, I wouldn't know much. The more honest they are, the more obvious it is they're "hiding" so much from us and how little we know them. This honesty unintentionally increases the disconnect between us and them, throwing every memory of them in a different light. A lot of the intimacy we feel/felt isn't real because, sometimes, when they look happy they're actually struggling while we enjoy ourselves and their "happiness".

The thing about RM for me is I've struggled to understand him, even if I probably have more in common with him than other members. The way he expresses himself is very opaque to me. I lack the sensibility, or context, I guess, to understand his thought process.

This special content between Jimin and Namjoon was a bit sad. RM doesn't seem happy. Every year, I feel like he reveals that he wasn't happy in the previous year. Has there been any year where Namjoon didn't suddenly reveal he'd been struggling? Because last year he made it seem as if he'd been doing pretty well, and I guess he was better at some point, while working on RPWP, but he'd been having a really rough time. Hearing him say he had to distance himself from BTS in order to heal (I think in 2023, after Indigo, but also applies to chapter 2 in general?) and Jimin saying the members thought he liked them less now... was sad.

RM really had(s) been struggling with the group. I know Hobi really wanted a chance to do something solo, but Festa dinner still feels mostly like it was brought on by Namjoon. I'm pretty sure Jungkook, Jimin, Jin, Suga, and V would've been fine carrying on with group activities with little to no solo activities, and Hobi only wanted a chance to do something different, not necessarily a big break from the group (I think; I haven't watched a lot of chapter 2 solo content, maybe I'm wrong). But RM was truly "done", to the point where the members felt him pulling away from them... RM popping up during one of Jungkook's live and their whole interaction kind of takes on a new meaning. Jungkook had been really happy to talk to Namjoon, and Namjoon said he missed Jungkook and that they needed to hang out. At the time maybe RM had already created distance between himself and the members so they missed each other a lot and there was a kind of uncertainty in their relationship.

I believe in BTS, but this content has made RM, the leader, seem the least excited about BTS, which may be untrue - contradictory and conflicted feelings can coexist. I kind of became concerned about how they'll return as a group (and what that will sound like...) if RM just looks so burnt out and even regretful about many things in their past (like his seriousness before). I know that each member struggled a lot, and for every hard moment there is a good one RM remembers, but I hope that when he comes back he learns how to enjoy being in the group again (or maybe for the first time; maybe he never really knew how to love the group without feeling weighted down by it). Like he says, RM speaks for the group. Most of Festa seems like him speaking for the group while the group itself didn't share his feelings completely but wanted to support him. It's ironic because RM said he feared that the group only represented his thoughts and not the group's, but I really want to know what the other members think. Suga, for example, has always blamed their hiatus on the enlistment, whereas Namjoon has made it clear that wasn't the main reason.

I don't know, I know the group has been through a lot, including the time they almost disbanded (I say almost, but how close were they, truly? Thinking heavily about something and having the intention of doing it are quite different), but this made me lose confidence in the group a bit, at least in RM. In the eyes of the members he's equated to BTS, but it seems like he's drifted apart from them. That's life, but as a fan it was hard to hear. Maybe they all feel the same, and I'm putting it all on Namjoon... This conversation with Jimin was very negative, but that's not the whole truth, and I shouldn't forget that.

[yansimstorythatiwillnotworkon]

Oka Ruto

Name: Oka Ruto

Gender: Female

Class: 3-2

Club: Occult

Persona: Lovestruck (Coward)

Reputation:

Overall: +30

Liked: 0

Respected: +100

Feared: -10

Crush: Taro Yamada

Strength: Incapable(?)

__

Oka is pretty overloved, and I'm pretty sure that this is because YanDev's only goal was to make a "shy girl" character, as well as the "big titty goth gf" character. Of course, I could always be wrong, but in all honesty I'm not even sure why any type of school would promote an occult club, especially considering that the club itself doesn't have too many BIG benefits regarding a normal playthrough.

But enough about the functions, I'd like to get into the ideas for the story. Originally, in the story I wrote so long ago, I stopped posting after I finished Oka's week, although I'm not sure why. But in these chapters, I put to use the demons, the 3rd for bathroom ghost, and every member of her club in a way. This was of course because I desperately wanted them to be useful for something. By all means I'm fine with the supernatural being a canon thing in YanSim, I just never understood why it was there in such an easter egg manner.

I hope that this can function as a decent week(s) to represent her, although it will take a good minute to get all of them done. As of 5/26, I've finished a single chapter and plan on posting it every five students (excluding Aishi and Taro).

I've more details about Oka's relations with her club and such beneath the cut.

Shin is trustworthy, Oka knows that, but if she's not around, he's usually just as timid and quiet as the rest of the club. Of course, she can't blame him or her club for their own anxieties and appreciates his ability to step up whenever she's around, but sometimes it worried her when she was gone. On the note of Shin, though, despite his feelings for her, she can't bring herself to feel the same. It's a great trait to want to protect the one you love and make sure they follow a safe path, but Oka's already anxious enough as it is. Oftentimes, her anxieties are completely unwarranted, and even when they are, Shin treats her as if everything she conspires about is completely true or normal. Oka appreciates this, but she really wish she had someone a bit more... normal, so to speak. More normal than her, more normal than Shin, and more normal than her club.

Which is unsurprisingly where Taro comes in. Taro is a pretty regular guy and holds his own minimal charms. He can tell her when she's overthinking something or when something she comes up with simply doesn't make any sense. Simply because he's normal. Oka loves her club and all of her friends, but with all of the anxiety that's been built up after having believed in this for so long, it makes sense for her to be so exhausted of it. She can believe in ghosts all she wants, but it didn't mean that she had to surround her every waking moment around being anxious about it. That's why she'd like to try to be a little normal. Maybe even leave the club and get together with Taro. Not only to experience a normal friend, but to experience a normal relationship as well.

Supana is one of her friends, as well as her first and best right now. They knew each other outside of school and met similarly to how Budo and Oka met each other- through their parents. While Supana was simply interested in all things supernatural, Oka's parents convinced her that they were 100% real and have bashed this thought process into her head since she was a child. Supana knows this and knows firsthand how anxious Oka can get because of how she was raised. She'll be another one of the more important club members.

As for the 3rd floor bathroom. I assume you can guess why she would have a fear of it all things considered. I imagine she often switched chores with Dora or something at the end of the day but will eventually get caught by a teacher and be forced to clean her assigned bathroom, which in turn will trigger her interaction with the ghost. I don't want to spoil too much, but I will say that Sumire most certainly wants Ayano dead. At practically any cost.

[sinfulequity]

Is it a swarm or a mob?

Hi! So I was meant to make a Fuuta-Muu post, right? And, well, it was meant to be on my main but like. I made this blog! I'm sure as heck gonna use it lol

Anyways, it's primarily about how they communicate, though I touch on other stuff. With that being said, thank you in advance and I hope you enjoy!

First to head the charge, yet always last in line- You guessed it, I'm starting with Fuuta! The guy that, even when trying to do a good deed, comes off as a dick, yet compared to a puppy by the author themself. Now Fuuta seems to be someone who likes communicating in a group, despite how abrasive he comes off in milgram. In that sense, Mikoto's considering Fuuta as attention seeking is spot on!

Mikoto: Hey, it’s kinda a bother having you be so angry and tense all the time. You should stop trying get everyone to pay attention to you. You’re a uni student, right? You can’t act like that once you start working properly. Futa: Huh!? Shut up. Not like I care what you say. Even though we’re in this shitty situation, you’re just chatting away, it’s stupid. Aren’t you the one who’s acting out of place here?……also the fact you give everyone nicknames is just gross. Mikoto: *sigh* It’s more stupid to be taking this all so seriously. I mean, it’s definitely just a reality TV program. There’s no way a real prison exists that’s this lax. Also, I don’t give nicknames to everyone. I don’t give them to young kids like Amane, or to the hard-to-approach types like Shidou-san. I mean, I’m not giving you one, right? Futa: ……oi, which group are you trying to say I am?

He's trying to make a social group he can fall back on, even if it's something as small as commiserating about their situation together. (The way he wants to communicate seems to moreso fall in line with how Mikoto does; granted, with more aggressiveness)

Q.01 What do friends mean to you? Futa: People who get excited about the same things as you

He's stated before that people he likes talking to are ones that can get hyped about the same things as him. This can also be seen in his behaviour in milgram; a prime example is how he interacts with Haruka.

Futa: You said you don’t play any games, right? Do you not watch league or premier either? Haruka: E-eh, I, I don’t understand, what that is…… That… uh, “leeg”? Futa: Huh!? It’s international soccer. It’s normal for guys your age to know stuff like that. What a pain… I really have nothing to talk to you about, huh. Even though we’re around the same age. Also don’t speak to me so formally. It’s gross. Haruka: Ah, e-excu-, I don’t, I uh… got it…… Futa… kun……

He's implied to have repeatedly told Haruka to be less formal with him! He's also asked about hobbies that he's already interested in, seemingly to try and use it to get closer to Haruka. There are exceptions (i.e. Yuno showing off what she does for her younger brother) but that moreso dovetails into my next point of observation.

Fuuta doesn't like to be perceived as vulnerable. Which, I think everyone has noticed because dude's an anxious wreck. Like seriously! He tries to be the group representative cause he thought Es treated Yuno badly (and if we were to give him credit, extrapolated that Haruka might not have been treated well too because it's clear that Haruka's standards aren't the highest), but is shaking like a leaf and breathing weirdly.

Futa: Haa…… haa…… Ok…… Kotoko: What’s up, Futa.……your breathing seems a bit uneven? Futa: Huh!? I’m getting ready to fight. That guard is looking down on all of us……! Kotoko: ……hmm. Is that so…… I’m looking forward to it. To seeing what your “justice” really is.

This trial he tries to barter a better verdict before breaking down and begging cause he can't take it any more! Which, given Shidou's report of injuries, I really can't blame him?

Either way, this pairs really badly with another trait that he seems to have; not really being able to join a conversation properly unless shown a clear indication that his input is wanted. A good example of this is actually Mahiru's birthday interaction with him. He only goes into talking about her birthday when she implies it's something that he should be making an active interaction with instead of reactively asking what she means.

Mahiru: Fufu, it’s a special day today. I can’t help but feel something good’s going to happen. Futa: What’s with all the muttering to yourself. It’s creepy. Mahiru: Geez, you really don’t understand, Futa-kun. You’ll never have a proper romance with that attitude! Futa: Who cares. Obviously this is because today’s your birthday. It’s just the day you happened to be born, it doesn’t mean anything. Here, I’ll give you my tomato, so just shut up and eat it. That’s your birthday present, so be grateful.

Wrapping back to something I mentioned earlier, this might be a thing that Mikoto picked up on as attention seeking.

Fuuta actually has pretty rigid thinking in terms of socializing! I'd say that was interesting but also that tracks, given that he does most of his socializing online. But he also has very firm schemas as to how people should act/socialize from their perceived roles in society (i.e. stating that he doesn't really talk to girls because he doesn't want to be involved in "girl talk"-

Q.05 What do you like in the opposite sex? Futa: Someone who can have a conversation on the same level as me. The things girls talk about are usually all boring

-and being upset with Kazui and Shidou for not being proactive about trying to escape this situation

Futa: The ones I don’t particularly like are Shido and Kazui. The old geezer duo. Even though we’re in a state of emergency here, even though they’re the oldest out of us all, they’re acting like they don’t have a care in the world. I can’t believe they’re so unreliable. They’re good for absolutely fucking nothing!

). It's simultaneously really old fashioned and a product of our time. It's honestly a frustrating aspect of his character.

Though at the same time, it's a view that makes him susceptible to indoctrination. This vulnerability has only gotten wider since the end of the first trial, with the voters' voices, Kotoko's assault and the fact that he never really had a strong sense of self to begin with. It's almost a shame I didn't write this up earlier because I have to say; with the lesson that Fuuta seems to have learned from our first vote (I never should have stuck my nose in other people's business) and this, I feel like Fuuta is in a very dangerous position mentally. Not that voting him guilty/unforgiven would have been better but. Idk this seems like something that's bad to affirm.

Second up is the queen B herself, Muu! Is that a Bee or a Belle? Hmm, I wonder~ (in all seriousness, her change from trial one to trial two feels more like a dark version of Cinderella if we're truly making fairy tale references)

Now Muu is someone who likes feeling comfortable and as such, she tends to hang out with people who allow her the freedom of opinion. That, and people who actually pay her "proper" attention.

Q.01 What do friends mean to you? Mu: People who listen properly to what I say

Oddly enough though, while she functions just fine in group environments (easily taking charge of her prior friend group) she actually seems to prefer one on one conversations?? For the most part, she seeks out people to talk to when they're by themselves or in a small group. This can be seen within the portal timeline, key examples being this conversation implying she went to Haruka's door in order to converse with him as soon as possible,

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday. Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad…… Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you. Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

this conversation implying that Muu actively sought Yuno out in order to get birthday wishes from her,

Mu: Yuno. Don’t you have something to say to me? Yuno: Huh? To you? Me? ……ahh, uh? Your birthday, right? Happy birthday~ Mu: How mean… Since it’s my birthday, I really wish you’d said something before I had to come and tell you myself. Yuno: Right, right, I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful in future~ Later! Haha… things have become even more of a bother………so was that Mu-chan’s real personality, then? It’s probably because the guard did something, right?

this conversation emphasising her desire for someone's complete attention when she has it,

Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me. Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen. Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things. Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see.……the new me…….

and this.

Mu: Hey~~~ Isn’t everyone a bit gloomy lately? I get that this situation isn’t ideal, but you’re really bringing down the mood for my birthday. Yuno: Haha, surely even you can tell now’s not really the time for something like that, right. Nobody’s really in the mood, or rather nobody has time time to deal with something like that. Mu: Boo, how boring. You seem to be free, you can celebrate for me. Go on, celebrate. Yuno: Wow, what a pain. I’m reading the atmosphere properly and keeping quiet. Well, you just go and have fun with Haruka. In the corner somewhere so you’re out of everyone’s way.

There's something to be said about that trait shown within the portal timeline + the shrinking of her group shown in INMF. This feeds back into her wanting people to pay attention to her, though I think it's also a way to pay back that attention in kind, which feeds into my next point.

Muu is a very eye for an eye person. Granted, it seems to be perceived slights as opposed to objective ones. This can feed into one of her more negative traits, that being she can overly exaggerate the hurt in her own experiences (side note, this is likely why that one line was translated as "I am always the drama queen").

Not to say that the hurt she feels isn't, by any means, real, but it can leads to situations where she retaliates in a manner that's far more harsh than what happened to her. Literally a prime example of this is her murder! Like I'm sorry, but murder is not a reasonable response to bullying, much less being ignored. However, this can also go the other way around. Treat her nicely and she's going to treat you well.

This type of attitude is likely why she had such a dismissive reaction to one of her friends thanking her for the lipstick in the After Pain group chat. To use an adage, one good turn deserves another. She gave her friend the lipstick and her friend thanked her (even if indirectly, by complimenting the lipstick). Thus, in her view, it was paid back in kind.

Another, more recent, example of this is her interactions with Haruka. Giving him a makeover, lavishing him with her attention and bringing him food as the guilty verdict sets in for both of them, she has been giving him kind acts. One could argue that she feels that Haruka has been returning this by thanking her and contemplating how best to carry out his vow regarding her verdict (in other words, a continued promise to follow through on his actions when it comes to it- which we know is when and not if, since we know the verdicts).

However, if you want to take a kinder interpretation, she recognizes that Haruka isn't in the mental position to do that. This would be why, on her birthday, she's so insistent about what she's doing being a great thing to Fuuta of all people. Basically, that tightrope between wanting to seek validation but wanting a kind deed to be a kind deed.

However, like Fuuta, Muu also has a very shaky sense of self. Or rather, in her case, a shaky esteem. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she had RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria).

She's someone that looks to see other people's reactions before making a move herself, if subconsciously. And it's very clear that she half expected to be voted guilty and tried to overcompensate for that in INMF. That expectation with the hope/want of getting external validation sure did make a horrifying concoction...

Honestly, her verdict is going to be very touch and go for her. It could turn out well in the end, but there's such a high risk in terms of her mental health (+physical, depending on how the votes go) that it's... Worrying. And Haruka's vow, while providing a sense of comfort currently, is likely going to be detrimental in the long run. For both of them.

Overall, they're two (very) dumb kids that screwed up, and they both justify their actions to themselves in different ways. Fuuta falls back on a sense of justice and the fact that he wasn't the only one involved in his sins. Muu focuses on her pain and the idea that the only person that can truly judge a person is the one in the situation. However-

-they both clearly took things too far, and they know it. Regardless of how they behave, I get the feeling they do regret the results of their actions.

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

I saw you answered an ask about Spider's and I wanted to ask about Quaritch.

You mentioned that you worry Quaritch is going to have a "Snape type" death where he's an asshole the whole time but then he gets himself killed doing the right thing at the very last second so everyone can be like "wow maybe he was a good guy after all" which is honestly what I suspect they will do, but I really hope I'm wrong.

So my questions are: what do you think will actually happen to Quaritch in the sequels? And if you were in charge of the Avatar sequels, what would YOU choose to happen to Quaritch?

Super interesting question, that is a massive fear of mine. It's such a common trope these days and it's such insanely lazy writing, and at this point I think it's boarderline irresponsible. It's always the hot, male, white villain that can die and be redeemed without doing any of the work or suffering any of the consequences of the choices he made. I call it the Darth Vader effect. It's Darth Vader dying at the last minute to save the galaxy instead of, oh, I don't know, going to a war crimes tribunal and seeing all the parents of the children he literally murdered, and maybe facing his daughter whose entire planet he exterminated. Just thoughts.

It's young white fans that are so eager to forget who Quaritch is as a character, and what he's done and represents. People say it's just a movie, well, I'm really tired of that storyline regardless of how harmful it is. Don't you all want better? BUT ANYWAYS, I've been blocked for a year already by most people that disagree with me on this, so I digress.

I think I've given my answer on this before (god knows I can't find any of my posts ever), but I would do this movie the same way but not killed Neteyam. I think you give audiences (and Spider) the whole of next movie to really think Quaritch could change and saving him might've been the right choice. We also get a whole movie more of Neteyam to get to know him and like him even more, and then you have Quaritch kill him. Really like, a deciding moment where he really becomes clear. I would love to have been so mad about him being given a sympathetic arc just for my expectations to be literally played against me. I also think it's a cop out Quaritch isn't the one who killed Neteyam, not that it would stop people as they seem to love child killer Lyle anyway.

As for how I think it will end... I think I've answered this before too, but it's really hard to tell when we're only at movie 2/5. His story has to evolve from there. If I had to guess though, I want to say he struggles to find his place because as a "Na'vi" he doesn't fit in with the humans anymore, and he's in the body of his worst enemies, and it starts to push him to the brink a little. I think that something will happen that means he loses any chance of getting Spider for good, and that'll just drive him even farther into fully crazy spiralling until eventually it's the RDA and just rogue insane stalker Quaritch on the side. I think I'd like to see him devolve slower, we got hints of it closer to his death in the first movie and in the second close to the boat scene. I think he's gotta spiral.

I definitely had a different answer last time I had this question, and that answer is valid as well I'm sure. It just escapes me right now. Hope this is what you were looking for!

[mimssysciest]

i always have the worst couples as my comfort ships, what the hell.

the brain rotting levels these DORKS gave me is worse than the time i was obssesed with gopher. (topher bus/gandhi)

i got a doc on my notes app with 40 ideas on fanart for them. (this includes editing, drawings, maybe comics? not sure, these might become eventually fanfics in case i cant draw it right.)

(in case you are a ch mootie and is curious, i had one doc for gopher too, but i registered way fewer. theres around 12 ideas </3)

NO OTHER PAIRING I LIKED MADE ME GET THIS MUCH IDEAS IN SUCH A FEW TIME, im honestly impressed with myself and with how there is such few fan content of them if there is so much potential 😭

i dont rlly blame the fandom for such, their relantioship is mostly played as a joke in the show than a real thing to develop their characters and dynamic, which is fine, not everything needs to be treated seriously, specially if we're talking about a side character and his love interest that is one of the main antagonists in a exagggerated comedy. also, sometimes they have pretty toxic moments, like, vicky literally beats him up and mark attempted to kidnap her and also knew exacly where she lived, thats disturbing! and yet, it makes total sense for them to be toxic, given how awful they both are. i mean, were. because mark actually improves in the later seasons and even becomes friends with timmy, and tbh?? that brings even more potential to them, like, i think their relantioship could either help them improve or make eachother worse. (the latter i refer more to vicky, though, i can see she getting actual character development if she was more grounded, like in the oh yeah cartoons shorts/season 0.)

anyway, i conclude they could've been cute in a weird way, they could be more than what there was in the show.

actually, i hope these freaks die for infesting my thoughts and for making me take a interest in vicky as a character. i always hated her so much until now 😭 but thanks for reading.

ALSO, they need a ship name. HOW COME YALL ARE A CANON COUPLE IN A SHOW THAT IS MORE THAN 20 YEARS OLD AND NEVER GOT ONE?

i thought in calling them "emerald morning star"

• morning stars are medieval weapons that vicky carries with her a lot of times through the show, while mark finds somewhat of ammusement in violence due to his planet's culture. im pretty sure too that in the earlier seasons it was mentioned that he enjoys torturing prisoners, so it definetely fits both of them. 😭 (THESE FREAKS ARE DESPICABLE AND SICK (IN THE EARLIER SEASONS), THATS WHY I LIKE THEM SO MUCH. I FUCK WITH CHARACTERS THAT CLEARLY ARE MADE FOR EACHOTHER OR DESERVE THEIR PARTNER.)

•"morning star" theres "star" in the name, and mark's from outer space erm... also his and, i guess, yuggopotamia's symbol is a UPA styled star.

•morning star is one of the devil's names, which aligns with vicky's evilness.

•"emerald" cuz the signature color of both of them is a shade of green and i love this little detail about them. they really are made for eachother.

not sure about this name, i want to hear more ideas, but i cant think of something that represents them better.

[blairsanne]

Hi bb! 💗 I'm curious to know who are your top 3 favourite Deano characters and why? (To watch or read or write or just look at 😉)

Ahh, what a nice question, bb! 💛💛💛 I always need to form an emotional connection with the characters, so... while Deano is always nice to look at, this is really based on the character themselves.

This was honestly kinda hard to answer.

1. Anders Johnson (The Almighty Johnsons)

This was probably an obvious answer, haha.

I love his sense of humour and desire to have fun. I love how cunning and cynical he can be, despite clearly having his own ethics and hopes for the future. I love how protective he is of his family/Dawn - especially when they don’t realize/appreciate it. I love when he’s confident and self-assured, but I also love when he’s vulnerable/we see his pain points (which all seem to revolve around his bros and Dawn? This is a man who loves certain people quite fiercely even if it’s not a romantic love and even if it's not always realized).

I interpret him as someone who has spent a lot of his life appeasing people to get by (whether his toxic childhood, or PR work in general, or Bragi powered interactions) but that desires to be more open with a few closer people. He both “trusts” them with his snarkier side and uses it as a shield to keep them from getting too close lest they hurt him with rejection. A bit of “well I don’t even like you anyway so there” at times, even tho it’s bs lol and only Axl ever seems to fully buy into it.

I feel like he needs some unconditional love in his life because it certainly didn’t happen with his parents, and it’s a bit touch and go at times with his bros. (Though Olaf seems very unconditional-grandpa-love? Maybe that’s why he and Olaf get on so easily.)

I think of him as a character that both represents aspects of myself and aspects I find attractive in others.

So in short, he’s my favourite because I think he’s very lovable and interesting and in need of love and he’s in a story where I love the concept and all the characters and it’s very easy to write him and imagine lots of scenarios for. 💛 (Also I find him very attractive in this role, even if he hated those absolutely magnificently tailored suits.)

2. Iolaus (Young Hercules)

Also probably not much of a shock, given he's the other Deano I have a sideblog for! This was the first role I actually saw Dean in, and I loved Iolaus so much back when this was on air, so it was wild to realize this was the same person who played Anders after I got into him haha.

Iolaus is once again a very funny, cunning, cocky character who has some insecurities that I find rather endearing. Iolaus is very charming to me, with his playfulness and heroics. I don't think the other characters see him as heroic necessarily, but he clearly cares about his friends and has many moments of being just as protective of others as Jason and Hercules. 💛

Also I'm always impressed that Iolaus seems to be able to keep up with Hercules; I don't know that he gets enough credit for that. He also should, by all rights, probably get with girls easier than he does since he's such a flirt. (He does have a bad habit of lying, though... Insecure bb.)

Basically I want to be in that world and give him all the love he deserves! I think it helps that I like the universe/world building/conceit of the show already, so I enjoy all the other characters and how they interact too.

Plus: Leather Pants? Those curls? Come on. 😩

3. Jon (Pork Pie)

This is where I got a little stumped. I also considered Barnaby and Will Johnson for third spot. Even as I write this I'm second-guessing my choice haha.

I really root for Jon. He's a fuck up, but he's trying to fix it. He's trying to make amends, and he gets caught up in a crazy situation, but he's so good-hearted. He means well, and you want him to succeed.

I love that he's a writer, but like, clearly not able to write because of what's been messing with his head (and then the shenanigans of the movie). His behaviours are just so funny at times, like how he orders his burger, his rapping along to the radio, etc. Even though I feel like Jon isn't funny in the sense of like, trying to be funny, he's really endearing and makes me laugh.

Mostly I think what I like about Jon is how "soft" he seems. Like, not in a weak way; he certainly powers through a lot of messed up situations and pulls off crazy things! But the motivation for all of it is this deep love he has, and I feel like he shows that love to his cohorts as well. He can be quite vulnerable at times, even when he seems to believe he will be rejected. The way he seems so touched by every kindness, his attempts to be supportive, and accepting...

I just really want to give this man a hug, haha.

Although I haven't formally written for him, I have a sequel to Pork Pie outlined in my WIPs that feels a bit daunting; both because of the plot I have in mind and because of how great the movie itself is. I feel like there's a lot to live up to, there, so we'll see if I ever end up writing it out haha.

-

Ahh thanks so much for this ask, bb! 💛💛💛💛

[kaddyssammlung]

Sleep Token - Calcutta Analysis

“I am caught, tangled in”

The first association that I have with this is: “I am tangled in your trance and I'm certain....”

The words caught and tangled in make think about spiders somehow. Idk why I have it linked this way but it makes me think about animals. And also about a feeling of being trapped in something or by something or someone. That someone or something is probably Sleep.

“Wrapped and quartered tripping up and over”

The word wrapped makes me think about spiders again. It evokes the image of him being trapped in a spider's web and “waiting” in there to be consumed.

I have the word “quartered” connected with “broken into fractions” or “through a fractured existence”. To me this represents a feeling of not having a sense of self. This is something that I can relate to because of my sh*tty memory thanks to my struggle with dissociation mostly. I often feel like I have no sense of self because of that. As if I'm just pieces floating around somewhere.

Tripping up and over also fits into this. It makes think about someone who is not really able to keep their body stable and therefore they fall over things in their way.

“Time lived again for just a moment”

This is a tough one and I also know that is one that is being debated about a lot. I'm someone who believes in reincarnation. For me this expression makes me think about that topic.

But he says “for just a moment” so maybe he means that he lived for just a moment? Maybe Sleep made him feel alive?

“missing pieces find me”

To me the missing pieces fit the the word “quartered”. This reminds me again about not feeling whole for whatever reason. But also missing pieces from your soul even? I've heard other humans talk about them not feeling whole because they feel like parts of their soul have split away from them. This is a concept that I do not resonate with so much at the moment.

“I sweat and I ache for

your eyes and the way you breathe”

This kind of speaks for itself. He seems to really want to be with someone or something. It's loaded with a deep desire. So deep that he even feels pain because of it. What I find weird about it though is the fact that he says “the way you breathe” this makes me think about “the way I left you breathing” which is another call back.

“And I wake saying your name”

This makes me think about previous questions and mostly about the question where he went to meet Sleep. Was it astral travel? Or was it lucid dreaming? Maybe it was lucid dreaming because he says “and I wake”.

“Your name” does he mean Sleep? Who knows but I guess it was or is important to him.

“You are more than warm belief

melting skywards more than silence broken”

That's a strange way of expressing your appreciation but also a very nice sounding one.

The expression “warm belief” makes me think about not really believing something in some way. You try or maybe want to believe something to be true but you don't really believe it. Idk where I am taking this from.

“Melting skywards” pointing towards God?!

“I'm whole again for just a moment

'Til the morning comes”

This is interesting for multiple reasons. There is something/someone out there that can make him feel whole again.

To me personally this is almost like giving out a false sense of hope and security. I have tried so many things and I was always hoping that these things would make me feel “whole” again in some way. It never worked out!

And also we have the “morning” again.

“Oh, she said you'd better believe it”

Or what?!

It makes me think about the things that he was promised.

[megashadowdragon]

the greatest akainu theory @bottlepiecemuses

youtube comments

Personally I’ve always felt it was clear that his idea of “absolute justice” will be born of a sacrifice of a loved one, like every other backstory. I assume that, by compromising on something, someone close to Akainu died, and he vowed to never let any death go in vain. During Ohara he would have said, if one person lives then all of the others who we killed would have been in vain and that’s disgusting to him

A cool thing to mention is that in the official song Red Dog Red, sung by Akainu’s voice actor for a one piece album released quite a while back, the main chorus has him repeat the line “Battle without honor!”. A cool callback from Toei to their earlier series and a fitting line for a character who will rain down hell from above, swim under the ground, and blast a hole through you to get to what he wants.

Great video, a deep dive on the hottest man in One Piece. I appreciate you actually discussing the filmic influences behind all the admirals. Before the Imu reveal, that long stretch of real world time after Marineford but before Reverie, it was always difficult to square which of the two Big Bads, Akainu and Blackbeard, Luffy would punch first, since they both represent the apex of opposition to him in vastly different ways. This analysis helped me to answer that question, even taking Imu into account, but we reach different conclusions. Instead of MarieJois echoing Marineford, it'll reverse things in a way. Blackbeard will arrive to steal what he wants, but this time he won't be the one to kill the king at the last minute, because the dog will have already bit his face off, leaving the empty throne actually empty. Then Blackbeard mercs Akainu leaving his victory a hollow one, because black holes get it? or because magma rapidly cools after finally erupting get it? Then I guess like, Luffy vs Blackbeard happens shrug. My imagined scenario is obviously not as well thought out as yours, hope it wasn't too annoying to read.Show less

admiral akainu being the guard dog puts him in the position to bite their throat out

I think Akainu is really gonna snap back on the world government in some way. When I see him, I think of the story of Sensui from Yu Yu Hakusho. Light/Dark and no grey, but something happens that snaps that line. I don't know what that will be exactly though.

Akainu is Oda's pawn for killing what Luffy won't. Eliminating the World Government from within. Thank you for the video this was great!

What if Akainu is actually the real leader behind Sword? Remember how he's revealed as "an insurgent in the Marines" by Spider Squard when he explains who told him about "Whitebeard's betrayal"? Could've been a subtle nudge of things to come. Then we have the fact that Sword members act without having to be worried about orders from the upper echelon because they're "about to get fired". The fact that Jewelry Boney managed to get away even though Akainu personally came to pick her up, means he likely let her go. And then we go back to the tattoos that Akainu has. No, not the Yakuza one on his left arm, but rather the one on his right that completely stands out: A simple sword.Show less

Interesting! I had never considered that Akainu could only have accepted the fleet admiral position because he didn't want to serve under Aokiji, who he doesn't like. But it does make sense, as I can't really see any other reason for he to be doing paperwork instead of fighting on a battlefield.

Great video and analysis. Another things interesting about akainu’s post time skip design is his snipped ear, which is something that people do to their guard dogs to make them more intimidating. This tiny design change just further emphasizes the fact that he really is the WGs dog

kizaru's "unclear" justice can also be translated as "grey area justice". fwiw i think this gives another perspective on things. it's less that he applies his justice in an inconsistent or unclear way, but more that his justice deals in the grey area of what is legal or "just"

I think nothing would be more interesting than finding out that Akainu's Home Island is none other than Hachinosu. For a man that dreams of Justice, being born on an Island that is the definition of anarchy and chaos. Seeing Piracy be revered as the Way and seeing countless attrocities done to the non-pirate population (mostly slaves, but also traders and other dark deals) Yet the population keep flocking, including his own parents. Corrupted by the desire of wealth and fortune. Akainu being a survivor of Rock's Island during his prime. Would explain why he's the way he is. He probably became somewhat of a vigilante, killing Pirates at Hachinosu. But at the end of the day Rocks always knew, and never did anything about it because he found it amusing. And with a single display of power, shows Akainu that only the Strong can change the world. He even fueled his hatred by letting him live and continue to do his thing. Eventually during a raid by Garp, he manages to catch Garps attention and becomes a Marine officially. But the words Rocks said to him that day and his display of power made him realize, that if he is to change the world to his views, then he needs to have the power to make it happen. Would be interesting. Blackbeard got inspired by Rocks, while Akainu got traumatized by Rocks. But at the end of the day his Will is the one they inherited. Truly painting Rocks as the villain that even dead still affects the world.Show less

Given the implied closeness of Dragon and Sakazuki I've had the idea that Sakazuki was raised by Garp's assistant Bogart

Maybe if doflamingo gets out, sakazuki will come to his realization while in battle with dofi and literally has to cut the strings of a celestial dragon while coming to terms with deciding to not be a puppet to them anymore

I think saka is going to betray the world gov to keep pursing his own justice more, his only equal did it, His thematic animal is constantly threatening to do it His movie characters do it He has every reason to do it Makes the story more interesting to do it It makes senseShow less

[quincyhorst]

HC Potpurri: Catalan People

First off, this post goes dedicated to @marmolao , given they requested headcanons about the Inazuma Areori Catalans (Barcelona Orb + the Catalonian Quartet from Muteki no Giant) as a bday gift. Originally I wasn't sure if I had enough content of them in my mind, but I did manage to compile lots of things I've written so far. Hope you like it Marmo!!! 💟

Keep on mind most info is still on proto-stage due to lack of focus and time working on these; so there's things that might change or not. PLUS, like always, I'm waiting for VROH to give profiles to the non-main characters as to know about them better.

Either way, let's go!

I think this is a given already, but I do like to see the Catalonian Quartet as the equivalent of the Red Matador Jocks on the AreOri timeline; just that the other group represents Navarre instead (At least 3/4 of them ig). If you really think about it, both groups have a huge keeper who's animal themed (Alonso / Fermín), a cocky striker that randomly goes challenging people (Luther / Samuel), another small forward that tends to be too confident (Bergamo / Davi) aaaand obviously the captain + emblem player of their respective teams (Clario / Querardo). I also like this comparison due to the Scar- I mean Red vs Violet motifs they have. 🍊🍇

Though if I had to say whose group is more united, I guess the catalonians win this round. I like the idea that Clario, Bergamo and Luther were close knit friends since infance, with Alonso joining the group by himself later on. Seriously. Since they first joined Barcelona Orb, the keeper straight up started to stick around for no apparent reason. The three were confused, but after seeing he meant no harm, they just let him in. But overall, their bond is very strong even overseas :)

Honestly though, I do see Alonso being a complete enigma most of the time. None even knows what is he cooking inside his head. It is even more unknown how does he even get to see his sorroundings given he's always with his eyes closed, but he won't ever tell his methods (?

About FC Barcelona Orb as a whole, I like to see it being as a branch of the actual famous team, containing a special squad for teens around Junior High age. So, its members come all from different parts of the city, from different schools and contexts.

They all train on Inazuma's own equivalent of the real life Camp Nou; which means they can also get some interactions with the actual adult representatives of Barcelona. In few occassions they themselves offered to help the teens train!

But what about this team on the OG timeline? Both the FC and the junior team DO exist, but their presence is less important. In Reloaded it is mentioned this team managed to win the Spanish Youth League, which happened either at the same time or before as Japan's FF. HOWEVER here's where the differences start: While Luther and Bergamo do play soccer in the OG, Clario nor Alonso DON'T. The fluffy keeper just couldn't develop any interest on soccer at all, and Clario never felt confident about himself as a player. He doesn't know about the potential and skills that lay dormant beneath him, of couse. But without these key players, BO sadly lost its chance to win.

After that they also participated on few matches as to decide the Catalonian represensatives for the prior Spanish Community Cup (Inexistant in AreOri, managing to get some BO players into the team. But then again, only Carlos would be choosen to represent Catalonia *worldwide*, so it was all a huge letdown.

When it comes to the actual spanish team over at Liocott, I think Alonso is the only one who supports it (Mainly because he just happens to find Fermín dreamy). The other three do not feel very fond of RM at all (And like we said, the poor catalonian representation does not help their case)

Now as for the other players...

...Okay, I'll be extremely self-indulgent here. I've joked many times about F. Dazzlo looking VERY closely to a certain paldean pokemon character, Arven; so I like to base my HCs on him. For now, I can picture Dazzlo making little sandwiches for everyone post practice :D He also has a pet dog,; but worry not, they're okay.

Also... While I do for now avoid developing too much anyone minor from BO / MNG, I DO admit I'm cooking something with Gregorio Habaro. He mainly remains a side character, obviously not joining the national selection but with his own side plot as he follows the spanish to Russia. I'd LOVE to explain more but it is HEAVILY tied with an OC and I haven't even told her story on the OG yet HELP!!!!!!!!!

Maybe one day we'll get there and I'll tell it all (Or I could share it by other methods); but for now: Remember his name, keep a pin on him, he's very important to someone.

At least on the meantime, I also see the BO defenders as friends. Imo Oscar seems very sweet, I have a feeling he could be the most upbeat player of BO (At least after Alonso, no one beats his ":3" vibes).

Well, guess that's all for now. As always, if you want something more on detail or request anything else, go on!

Aaaaalso last thing I've discovered while re-watching Reloaded again: Barcelona Orb has a coach....

[lonelywretchjervistetch]

My DC Cinematic Universe: Superman (Part XII)

Part Twelve: Hope

...Jesus Christ, did I actually devote 11 POSTS to this? Goddamn. Well, since I've come this far...

When I started this, I originally planned , like 6 posts, tops. And then, I just kept...typing...more. It's hard for me not to talk about this, I guess, because...well, as I said in the very first post, I love Superman. He's always been my favorite DC hero, and not just because of his supporting cast, or the villains, or the stories told about him. I do love those things, but no. Superman is my favorite because he represents hope in a bleak, uncaring world. A world that's so often marred by violence and pain, and terror around every corner. Superman is the bright colorful primary hope in a greyscale noir darkness. A solar-powered beacon amongst the gloom.

And that sucks, because more and more, it feels like audiences...don't really want that from their heroes. Or at least, filmmakers don't think they do. Think about this for a second. How many heroes in the DC Universe do you think actually inspire hope? In the comics, a bunch could be given that mantle, as well as the Justice League as a whole, most of the time. But the movies?

Think about this. I mean really think about this, OK? Pattinson's Batman is the first version of the character to directly help people as a hero. Sure, Nolan and Burton's Batmen helped people indirectly, and maybe saved a couple of people they didn't know personally, like...a few times? But they never really helped people directly in the same way as Pattinson's Batman did. I'll be making a post about Batman soon enough, but this most recent version is definitely one of the better ones for me for this reason. That said, though, Batman is supposed to inspire fear primarily, which the Pattinson Batman also does well. But what about the other major heroes we've seen?

Well, Wonder Woman is supposed to exude strength in truth, and I definitely don't think Gadot's Wonder Woman pulls that off in her most recent installment. After all, most of that film is basically composed of her lying to herself, and I also think it's one of the reasons that giving her the secret identity of Diana Prince is a mistake. Again, I'll get to her in a later essay series. Oof, that one's gonna be interesting.

I like Momoa's Aquaman, but I can't say he inspires much hope, in either the films or the comics. It's not really his bag. To be fair, a huge problem with his personalization is that he's more defined by his role and powers, than he is as a human being. And Momoa does that well enough, but also leans more into the "underwater badass" vibe than anything else. Which has...mixed results, in truth. Again, Aquaman'll get another entry; I have ideas for him as well.

Cyborg exudes...being depressed. He should more exude anger and frustration, in my opinion, alongside an existential angst, but he's not particularly hopeful. Inspirational, maybe? Even then, that's another character with poor characterization in recent years in the comics, mostly due to the bizarre decision to choose him as a member of the Justice League in the New 52. That's a whole other issue I have, and we'll get to that one too...somehow.

I think that's everybody, right? Right?

Ew, Ezra Miller. Gross. Well, if I must. First of all, Flash is one of my other favorite DC heroes. Yes, I know, I'm a basic bitch of a comic book fan, but sue me. I liked Flash WAY before he was cool, back in the mid-2000s as a teenager. As a hero, Flash does inspire some hope, but weirdly enough...I think he inspires more wonder and mystery than hope. A red wind that blows in and fixes your problems. He wears a mask, but also wears a smile. Unlike Superman, he doesn't exude the sane amount of trust with an unobscured face, but he still inspires joy and excitement. And Miller's Flash annoys the ever-loving shit out of me. I know, the new movie is allegedly great, but we'll goddamn see. He's not my Flash, that's for sure, and he's certainly not the most hope-inspiring hero.

What about Shazam? Again, more wonder from him in the film, but he's also a bit of a hopeful figure in the comics, at least in his early incarnations. I wouldn't say that that's reflected in the film, but the film version is based more on the New 52 version of the character, and he has more of a family-oriented message. And for the record, I think that works perfectly for the character, so no complaints here.

And of course...there's Cavill's Superman. I've said it once, and I'll say it again: I do like Cavill's Superman in a number of ways. With what he's given, he's not bad in the role. But of all things that Superman represents in the Snyder DCU, it isn't hope. Sure, he claims that the symbol on his chest stands for hope (WHICH IT FUCKING DOESN'T, BY THE WAY), but you know what I think when I watch his performance as Superman?

Oh, look, it's the guy responsible for the DEATHS OF HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE! Yeah, bug fucking surprise there, I know, but that's a little piece of baggage that's kinda hard to shake, I think! Sorry, but he never recovers from that for me, and the sequel honestly makes it worse, because they emphasize that even more. It doesn't work, and it certainly wouldn't inspire hope in me if I was in that universe.

Look, I get that I'm rambling. I'm a rambler, it's what I do, but my point is this: we deserve a Superman that we actually like, and that inspires hope in us and the people of Metropolis. Reeves mostly pulled that off, and it's time to bring that idea back to live-action Superman. And here's the fun thing about that concept...it can inspire stories to come. Because, hey...let's say that this first movie puts Superman on the path to inspiring hope. Because that's what I did. I introduced the character and his friends and foes, emphasized his struggles in the film, and examined his impact on the people of Metropolis. That's where you start.

We hit the second movie, and we cement Superman's popularity. We started the first film with metropolis feeling neutral-to-negative. Then, we start the second movie with Metropolis at two extremes. Those people influenced by Gordon Crown will see the negative aspects of Superman's presence, while the others will see Superman as the heroic figure he is. The city's divided on how they feel. But, by the end of that movie, we'll swing more towards those extremes, with greater negative threats making themselves known. Still, positive attitudes get even more positive at the same time. And then...third movie.

Third theoretical film will cement Superman as a bastion of hope, but will also make one of the main villains against him Gordon Crown, as well as Metropolis itself in some ways. The journey of Superman over the course of these films is truly turning him into a beacon of hope for Metropolis, and for the world at large. It is, quite literally, the hero's journey.

And personally, I think that'd be interesting to watch.

...Look, if you've made it this far, I really genuinely hope you liked this long-ass essay series. Honestly, despite the rigor...I had a good time typing it all up. I feel like I always have these ideas, and I never have an outlet to dump them all into, so I appreciate this hellsite being that outlet, as well as appreciating anyone who somehow has the free time to read my word vomit.

So, yeah, now what? I mean, I think the next step in this crazy-ass journey of mine is pretty obvious...kinda. So when that time comes up...well, I'll see you there. Right, buddy?

Index: Superman

Part I: Why I Love Superman

Part II: On Lois Lane

Part III: The Kents

Part IV: The 'Rents

Part V: The...Frendts?

Part VI: Lex Luthor

Part VII: The Real Villains

Part VIII: Superman's Rogues Gallery

Part IX: The Story - Act One

Part X: The Story (Acts Two and Three)

Part XI: The Story - Climax

Part XII: Epilogue (Part One)

Part XIII: Epilogue (Part Two)

[sleep5d]

The Law of the Triangle [Dream]

Kaylee: Hi. Hope your day is easier today. I just now escaped.

Ira: Just here at hotel running laundry. It's a busy day. Your night go okay?

Kaylee: It was really busy, but not terrible. I was there 9-8, ran the whole time, did a bunch of laundry, and almost had to do breakfast...which I would have if I had to.

I woke up from this dream and I'm supposed to tell you about it. A specific, recurrent type of dream. For the last year or so, I've been having these dreams where I meet with someone who has a red triangle tattoo on their hand.

The tattoo is where the thumb meets the wrist, just far enough that a sleeve cuff would cover it. Then, in these dreams, the person always takes me to a group of people that also have the Triangle tattoo. I see each one's mark as I shake each person's hand.

I am the only one without the tattoo in these dreams. I meet the same person initially every time, but they bring me to different groups of people each time in a different place. They always all have the red triangle, and everyone is always in suits.

It's related somehow to this, but I'm not sure how, nor do I know what it means [equilateral triangle with a 27 inside and a 3 on the outside of each side]. I keep "seeing" it with my "vision".

Ira: So, are you familiar with the law of the triangle?

The triangle is used in many esoteric wisdom schools such as Alchemy. Point up represents perfection in the material 3D world. The point down is repressed perfection in the Divine. Overlaying them, you get the "star of David," or six-rayed star.

With the tattoo in that position, it would imply a joining of forces within the two. Interesting dream to have.

Kaylee: Lol, you already knew I was going to want to know.

So I'm a bit familiar with that because of the merkaba, which is represented by the same symbol.

A lot of my messages come in dreams. The first time I met with the first group of people, I remember it very clearly. There were men and women, and we were at this sort of campus type place.

I was sitting on a park bench that was off the path of a sidewalk, next to a pond. The group of ladies I was with got up ad started walking down the sidewalk.

But when I got up, I noticed that I only had socks on, and I was standing in mud. This big tall guy with long hair suddenly appeared and carried me across the mud, and I took my socks off. We went inside this huge building that I guess all these people were staying at.

We went on the second floor, and we were all circled around this really scrawny guy who was in the corner hunched over this tapestry that was laid out in the floor. And he was doing some sort of alchemical work and it was silent.

Ira: What were you feeling?

Kaylee: At first, it felt like a normal day around new friends. Everyone was laughing and smiling and talking. The sky was blue and it was a nice temperature. But when I stood up, and looked down and saw the mud, the sky turned dark and cloudy and red. I looked up over my shoulder and that man was there, but I never got a good look at his face.

When he picked me up, I started to freak out, because I'm usually really lucid and in control of my dreams, exploring wherever I am without limitation. But I felt like he knew better than me. I felt confused because the entire courtyard was mud, and it had been grass just seconds before. I was confused because instead of putting me on the sidewalk, the man carried me to the building. I did not feel in danger with him, I felt familiarity.

Everything was hyper realistic inside the building, and I felt like I had been there before, even though I couldn't remember. I was introduced to many people before we all went into that room. One ex-military guy was watching a combat musical and singing along. I was like, "what the fuck is this?"

When we were all around Tapestry Guy, I felt power like I feel when things manifest in the 3D. Reverent, still, calm, and guided. I don't know what it said, but there were symbols on the tapestry, and that's when I first noticed the red triangles on everyone's right hands.

[sargeant-bxrnes]

1 step forward, 3 steps back.

warnings: rafe being… rafe. drug mention & consumption, cursing, toxic relationship, sexual situations/implications, mental health issues. ANGST.

[AN: this is the first thing i’ve written, ever, so my apologies if it’s not flawless ; also, english is not my first language, that’s a warning on its own]

my requests are open btw

click for my master list

word count: 4.4K

Called you on the phone today

Just to ask you how you were

All I did was speak normally

Somehow I still struck a nerve

“Hey,” you said in a soft tone as soon as Rafe picked up the phone, you were laying down on your bed, staring at the ceiling.

“Hey princess,” his tone was calm, but his voice was rough and raspy all together.

“How you doing?” you asked him, even though you’d seen him last night, up close.

“I’m doing great,” he replied in a surprisingly cheerful tone, which is weird this early in the morning. Rafe is not a morning person. “You sound tired.”

“I am tired,” you confirmed with a sigh. “Guess I have you to thank for that.”

“My pleasure.” he replied cockily, and even though you couldn’t see him, you could practically hear his proud smirk.

“So, what’s the plan today?” you asked in a casual tone, fidgeting with the edge of Rafe’s shirt, the one you wore to sleep.

“Uh, what do you mean?” he asked in a distracted tone, he sniffed subtly and coughed.

You knew what that meant, but still, you hoped it wasn’t what you deep down knew it was.

“Yeah, I mean—“ you said and made a brief pause. “Wanna go to the club? Maybe we can take a ride on the boat, you know, with food, alcohol... just us.”

“Can’t, I’m busy.” he said after a few seconds, if you didn’t know him better and his occasional mood swings, you would’ve said his tone was harsh.

"Really?" you asked in a soft tone, trying to disguise your disappointment with interest. "But I thought we were going out together today."

"Y/N, just because I'm your boyfriend it doesn't mean I have to be with you all the fucking time."

Okay, now he was definitely angry, you thought you said the right thing, but it still made him angry.

"Rafe-"

"No, Y/N. I have a life of my own, you know? Things to do besides you."

“That’s okay Rafe, I get it,” You said calmly, nodding your head softly. “Have fun today.”

Now you clearly heard the sound of him sniffing something and the sigh that left his lips after, and Barry’s voice in the background. “Don’t play the victim card on me, that’s not gonna work. I deserve to have some time off.”

“I didn’t,” you said softly. “And it’s okay baby, you’re right, you deserve to have some fun.”

“See? No need to be so fucking dramatic,” he said, his voice and words slurring. You? Dramatic? It was all him. “But don’t worry princess, I’ll drop by tonight and fuck the attitude out of you, yeah? That way I’m not just doing things with you, I’m doing you.”

And with such a vulgar comment and a harsh tone, Rafe hung up on you, leaving you completely dumbfounded and filled with incredulity.

What you did know for a fact, is that he would keep up his word. And judging by his tone of voice and how annoyed he was, you could already imagine the ache between your legs.

You got me fucked up in the head, boy

Never doubted myself so much

Like, am I pretty? Am I fun, boy?

I hate that I give you power over that kind of stuff

You knew exactly what you were getting into when you started hooking up with Rafe, and what you were committing to when you agreed to be his girlfriend.

You know that man carries more problems than he shows, he prefers to make himself appear as the Kook prince who lives a life of partying and money; hiding all the things that were going on in his head.

However, there were times when his attitude made you doubt yourself.

You couldn't help but think, ‘What if one day I don't manage to calm him down?’ ‘What if one day he realizes that there is someone prettier, or hotter, or wealthier out there?’

And Rafe would get angry if you doubted yourself. He would complain to you about it, saying you had no reason to be insecure about your looks; if you are absolutely gorgeous, or to feel insecure about your personality; if you were the most genuine person he'd ever met, and you could make him laugh until he forgot all his problems.

But what really made him furious was when you had doubts about the relationship itself, about whether or not he was capable of leaving you for someone else. He took those doubts personally, as if he wasn't trying hard enough to show you how much you mean to him.

When in reality; you were doubting yourself.

'Cause it's always one step forward

You were preparing dinner for you and Rafe, your family was out for the weekend, and Rafe had decided to spend it with you.

Your hair was tied up in a bun, your attire consisted of nothing but your underwear and a shirt that used to be Rafe's, but you took it so long ago that it's yours now.

Music from your shared playlist played in the background, as you danced absentmindedly with a spatula in hand, extremely calm and enjoying time with your boyfriend.

Rafe could do nothing but stare at you with admiration, you are literally the only good thing in his life; his little piece of heaven. You are everything to him.

As soon as Dark Red by Steve Lacy started playing, you let out an excited gasp. That song in particular is Rafe’s and yours, like… if you two had to choose a song to describe your relationship, it would be that one. It represented how you two did not always have good times, but your love prevailed.

Seeing you this happy, comfortable and at ease with him made Rafe's soul happy. All his life, he had done nothing else besides make people angry, disappointed, terrified. But with you, everything was different.

You were so focused on swaying your hips to the music and singing, that you didn't notice when Rafe stood up and walked over to where you were.

It wasn't until he stood behind you, chest to back and with his hands on your hips, that you realized he was closer. His head was bowed, you could feel his breathing close to your ear, so he was able to murmur in your ear the lyrics of the song:

“Only you, my girl, only you, babe,” he sang in your ear, his voice a soft whisper as he wrapped his arms around your body and started to sway with you. “Only you, darling, only you, babe.”

The gesture quickened your heart to unsuspected levels, you felt your knees weaken as you pressed closer to his body, appreciating his closeness as he pressed a kiss against your temple.

“You know I love you so much, right?” he mumbled in your ear, as you closed your eyes and relished his presence.

“I love you too, baby.”  you mumbled back, leaning your head against his chest, caressing one of his arms around your waist with your fingertips, and bringing your hand to his ash blond hair, stroking it softly.

and three steps back

“Why is he mad at you, again?” Topper asked you with a raised eyebrow, after witnessing Rafe utterly avoiding even looking at you when he walked into the room and then left without a word.

“Because I told Barry to not open the door if Rafe dropped by,” You replied with a shrug, closing your eyes and leaning back against the chair. “And when Rafe tried to lash out on him, Barry said it all had been ‘Mrs.Country Club’s’ request.”

“And he’s mad at you because you don’t want him to get all fucked up?” Topper questioned next, trying to understand the situation. But he never knew what the fuck you two were up to.

“Yes, but it’s Rafe, are you surprised?” you said with a heavy sigh.

“No, not really,” Topper admitted. “Honestly, I don’t know why you keep up with him, Y/N.”

“I ask myself that all the time…” you said with a deep sigh. “But I love him, so I guess that’s the answer.”

“And? I mean, I don’t want to be ‘that guy’ Y/N, but he’s…” Topper trailed off, apparently looking for the right word.

“I know exactly how he is, Topper, I don’t need you to remind me. I already think about that way too much.”

You and Topper had easily assumed that Rafe was no longer around, since he seemed to be making his best efforts to avoid you.

But Rafe was there, and he heard everything. He’d heard Topper giving you bad advice (or what he considered bad advice) And he heard you, having doubts about why you loved him or stood by him at all,and it made him want to lash out again.

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

It's always one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

No, I don't understand

[+18. Really]

“Leave me alone!” his voice boomed in the room, his brows furrowed and the veins in his neck were popping out.

“Rafe—“ you tried once again, approaching slowly in an attempt to place a hand on his shoulder, but he waved it away aggressively.

“Leave-me-alone,” he said, pausing in between each word to emphasize on how much he meant it. His eyes were bloodshot, his nose had specks of white dust, his lips were dry and his voice was coarse.

You weren’t entirely sure what you could say to get him to calm down. Or if there was anything at all you could do.

Normally, what upsets him the most is Ward. His own father. Rafe has spent his whole life trying to prove he's a good son, to make his father proud, and Ward never appreciates his efforts, only notices the bad, and ignores Rafe's clear calls for help, has since Rafe was 10 years old, so he certainly wasn't going to pay attention to him now that Rafe finally had a steady girlfriend, someone who had willingly decided to help.

95% of the time, you managed to talk to Rafe before he decided to resort to intoxication. Most of the time just seeing you helped him calm down, hearing your voice soothed him, and your lips, your skin, put him in a state of peace.

But the other 5% is when Rafe resorted to alcohol and, above all, drugs.

When Rafe is upset and decides to get high, he only manages to become unstable, erratic and yes, aggressive if not handled with care.

In those situations, the best thing you can do, putting yourself first, is to give him his space. Let him screw himself as much as he wants for that day, and help him deal with the consequences the next day, while you listen to him lament his attitude.

Rafe always said he would quit the vice; claiming you were all he needed to calm himself down, that you made him feel at peace. And above all, that you weren't slowly killing him; on the contrary, every minute he spent with you made him feel more alive.

However, for one reason or another, he always came back to it. Whether it was at a party, because Kelce suggested it, or, as is almost always the case, when he's upset with his father and needs quick relief.

And usually, this ‘quick relief’ ends up with Rafe fucked up, big time.

Once he was convinced that you wouldn't try to intervene again, Rafe went back to his business. He turned to the table, and since he already had the line ready, he simply leaned over and inhaled it, throwing his head back, running his hand through his hair and exhaling as he closed his eyes.

You exhaled heavily, shaking your head as you stared at your feet.  You knew he would struggle to quit, after all it is an addiction and he has to fight it, but sometimes you get the impression that Rafe doesn't want to quit, not really.

"Do you want to help me?" asked Rafe eventually, turning his head to look at you. You didn't know if it was a trick question or not, so you hesitated before answering. "Answer me."

"Yes, of course I want to, Rafe." you replied with your respective hesitations, wondering what he was up to.

"Come here then," he said, making a 'come hither’ sign with his fingers.

You took a hesitant step but stopped, your eyes narrowing as you analyzed Rafe, trying to determine his intentions.

He raised both eyebrows in your direction, in a silent question of whether or not you're going to go with him.

Eventually you walked over to where Rafe was, he smiled at you while biting his lip lightly. Without saying anything he approached you and kissed you; the drugs made his senses heighten, so the kiss was intense from the beginning.

So that's when it made sense to you what he wanted, he wanted you. Your most obvious thought is that he would use you to take out your frustration, put the drugs aside and, most likely, fuck you.

Your idea seemed to be the right one as soon as Rafe grabbed you by the waist, still with his lips on yours, left a little bite on your lip before pulling away; and without any problem, lifted you off the floor and placed you on the table.

It's something you wouldn't admit out loud,—mostly out of shame and guilt,—but this kind of sex with Rafe was the best, he's completely unrestrained, rough, full of stamina and teasing, and above all, possessive. And that, in combination with his attractiveness, always drove you crazy.

And honestly; if what he wanted was to fuck you to take out his frustration, you'd let him.

His kisses were hungry and his hands desperate, running all over your body without distinction, as if he didn't know where to start.

He parted his lips from yours, and left a kiss at the corner of them, on your jaw; and began to make a little trail of slow kisses down your neck. The feeling of his lips on your neck made you bite your lip as you wrapped your legs around his waist to feel him closer.

You slid your hand under his shirt, caressing his defined abs and the sides of his body gently with the tips of your fingers, as he left little bites on your neck. Your hands slowly moved up, intending to remove his shirt, but Rafe was quicker and brought his hands to the edge of your shirt, causing you to stop your movements to raise your arms, so he could remove your shirt with ease. And so he did.

He parted his lips from your neck and stared at you, the hunger in his eyes made you feel a fire in the pit of your stomach that only he could put out.

Desperately, your lips connected again as he settled between your legs. One of his hands traveled to your neck, and he wrapped his fingers around it, pressing lightly to the sides. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head; though he couldn't see it.

With just enough strength, Rafe used the grip he had on your neck to push you down onto the table, so that you were lying on top of it.

As soon as he leaned over the table, you could feel his breath over abdomen, so you bit your lip in anticipation for what was to come.

He began to leave slow, wet kisses on your abdomen, making a slow trail to the edge of your shorts. Your automatic reaction was to close your eyes and put a hand in his hair, stroking it gently.

What you didn’t know is that the fact that you closed your eyes had given Rafe an opportunity he couldn't miss. Without you noticing, he slid a hand to the side of the table, where the small bag of white powder was.

To conceal his actions, he unbuttoned your shorts, and returned his lips to the beginning of your abdomen for more time.

The little bite he left to distract your attention caused a gasp to escape your lips; and that sound almost caused him to change plans completely.

He did want to fuck you, don’t get him wrong. He even had a mental debate about whether to continue what he was doing or simply sink his head between your thighs and provoke more sounds like that.

But he wanted to try something first. He had always wanted to try it, but had never asked you, because he knew that you would most likely say no.

With ease, he slid your shorts down your legs; so that they stayed at your ankles or fell to the floor; he didn't care. One of his hands slid into your underwear with ease, his fingers going straight to where he knew you needed him the most.

Trusting that you would not open your eyes, carefully, he put the white substance on your body, so delicately you didn’t notice. He began to prepare to inhale, while biting his lip in reaction to the sinful sounds that left your lips.

And obviously, without warning, Rafe inhaled a line from your thigh.

And all your sounds stopped, your eyes opened and your expression was filled with surprise, the bad kind.

You couldn't believe what Rafe had just done, you felt like an idiot for falling into the trap.

You also had to bite your lip to keep from letting out a moan in reaction to what his fingers were doing in between your legs, but your pride forbade it.

But more than anything else, you were outraged.

“Rafe, you did not just—“

“It felt nice, yeah?” Rafe’s voice was hoarse, you could feel his breath over your skin, as he left little kisses around. “After all, I did feel you clench around my fingers.”

His dirty words, hoarse voice, and close proximity to your body, not to mention his fingers deep inside you, caused you to let out a soft moan, causing Rafe to smirk in what he thought was victory.

But you wouldn't let him win this little game.

Although you really didn't want to, you grabbed his hand by the wrist and pulled him away, your legs trembling slightly at the sudden lack of anything between them.

Rafe's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as soon as you pushed him away from you and got off the table, lifting your shorts off the floor and putting them back on without a word.

"What are you doing?"

You didn't answer, as you searched for  your shirt, feeling his heavy gaze on your body.

"Y/N, where do you think you're going?"

“I’m leaving you alone as you asked me to, remember?” you said in irony. “Before you sniffed a line off me after I begged you to quit that shit?”

“Oh, so now you’re playing the victim?” his voice rose. “Don't- Don’t act as if you wouldn’t have let me fuck you less than a minute ago!”

"Yes I would have let you, to distract you from that shit!" you admitted to him, failing to control your anger. "I said I wanted to help you, to distract you, to give you something different to do. Not that I'd give you another place to snort lines from!"

Rafe knew you were right, of course he did.

You had spent months after months trying to get him to quit, you had offered him countless hours of your days to give him something new to do, distractions, attention and love. And this is how he had decided to pay you back?

But Rafe was angry too, very. You had interrupted him, you were yelling at him; and you had left him so hard, that it would start to hurt unless he did something about it.

“Fine, then get the fuck out of here.” Rafe spat, his anger clearly getting the best of him.

Your eyes widened at that, you hadn't expected him to react like that.

Your best case scenario would be that your attitude would piss him off, yes, but that he would retaliate by getting you back to the table and showing you everything you were missing.

Instead, he simply took your word for it and told you to get out of the room.

“What?”

“You heard me, get out.”

“Rafe—“

“You uh, you have three options, yeah? You let me fuck you over that table and do whatever I want, you get out of here, or I’ll get you out of here.”

The first offer was tempting, it really was, but you wouldn’t allow him to talk to you like that. Before anything, came respect and dignity, and no matter how much you wanted him to fuck you silly, you were too angry and disappointed at him to let it slip.

Blinking repeatedly to chase away the tears from your eyes, you grabbed your phone from the other end of the table, your jacket from Rafe's bed, and walked out of there without another word as you heard him calling your name.

And maybe in some masochistic way

I kinda find it all exciting

Like, which lover will I get today?

Will you walk me to the door or send me home cryin'?

Your relationship with Rafe was unique.

Not because of the circumstances in which it was created. A one-night-stand that turned into something casual, that was formalized after a dinner.

If not for Rafe.

You loved him, no doubt about it. You would give anything to see him happy and at peace, at peace with himself and succeeding in his life.

Rafe would do anything for you, really, anything. No matter how risky, demanding or dangerous, he would do anything for you.

He would die and kill for you.

But that surely didn’t mean it was an easy relationship, hell no. In fact, the willingness both of you had to do anything for each other sometimes made things too complicated; for at times it seemed that not a single rational thought crossed your minds.

And yes, Rafe’s addiction was a big issue. Whenever he was too high, or going through withdrawals, he wasn’t the Rafe you knew or had grown to love, it was another side of him you wanted to help get rid off. And the process wasn’t easy.

While trying to get clean; there was no way to know how he’d behave. He could either get clingy and want you around at all times to calm himself down, or he’d be in a very bad mood all the time, constantly snapping at you and raising his voice.

So there were days where he’d walk you to the door of your house and leave you there with a tender kiss and a smile.

Or days when you’d get out of his truck without a word, with tears streaming down your cheeks while he kept yelling for probably the stupidest thing.

No, it's back and forth, did I say something wrong?

It's back and forth, goin' over everything I said

It's back and forth, did I do something wrong?

'It's back and forth, maybe this is all your fault

Rafe knew he wasn’t okay. After all, he had begged his father for help, begged for anything that would get those thoughts to stop, but his father hadn’t listened, had only told him to ‘man up.’

You knew he wasn’t okay. Which is why you wanted to help him, to offer the support no one else had bothered to give him before he met you.

Whether he wanted it or not, those thoughts were still there. Being with you made them easier to ignore, but it’s not like they vanished entirely. He still had some ideas that made his own skin crawl.

And sometimes, you’d say or do the wrong thing and trigger those thoughts. And things got bad again for him.

Rafe knew you wanted nothing but to help him get better and be the best version of himself, and he really wanted to give you that. To change and make an effort. Not only for himself but for you. He wanted to be a man worthy of your love.

But it was hard to be anywhere near decent when you two went out and a guy stared at you for longer than Rafe’s limits allowed, or when guys tried to hit on you, when his friends got a little bit too close for his comfort.

Whenever he got jealous, he turned into a walking, talking ticking bomb. Anything could, and would set him off.

It wasn’t your fault, not really, but most of the time you felt it was. You knew Rafe dealt with a lot of insecurities already, of not being a nice person, not being good enough and so many other things. And you hated being one of the factors that caused his insecurities to arise.

And I'd leave you, but the roller coaster is all I've ever had

It was a complicated relationship, and it would probably never stop being complicated because both of you are complex people, plus there are other factors that affect the relationship.

But that didn't mean either of you would stop fighting to keep it alive. Neither would let the other go.

Rafe utterly refused to ever let you go. He loved you as he had never loved anyone, as he never thought himself capable of loving with that twisted heart of his.

You are, without exception, the best thing in his life, the best thing that ever happened to him. And you being in his heart was slowly turning him into who he had wanted to be during all those years of loneliness.

And you would never let him go, because you loved him with all your heart, soul and nerve of your body. And because you know that no one will ever love you like him. With so much passion, intensity, honesty and purity.

Because every feeling Rafe expressed with you was true; he was himself with you. And you didn't want to let him go.

Even if the two of you went one step forward, and three steps back, that single step would be longer than any step life makes you take backwards.

[itsdanii]

Because I’m an angst-addicted ball of misery, is it okay if I request drabbles of Fuckboy!Atsumu and Fuckboy!Oikawa being the crush of the reader but she knows of how they treat other girls and doesn’t want to end up heart broken and since she’s shy and introverted, the boys barely know her aside from her being a classmate?

She tries to keep a simple distance away from them until said boys randomly show an interest in her and they start showing her attention, love, and treating her better than the girls they messed with until after a few weeks she overhears from them or their teammates that it’s out of pity/they were bored because Y/N seemed easy to mess with.

Y/N doesn’t let them know she overheard them, instead a switch is flipped and she’s emotionless around them and avoids them. When they ask why she’s like that, she simply says “I won’t let you hurt me like the others.” She basically treats them like they don’t exist (she’s friendly to everyone but them) and said f!boys regret it and bust their asses to fix everything between them (I read how you felt about full angst, so the reader just blocked their number, social media’s, and treat them like the plague until they prove that they truly love her or regret messing with her :) )

Hey, bub. Sorry for the slight delay! I hope you don't mind me making slight adjustments about the plot for my comfort 🥺 And uh... this drabble turned out to be a oneshot because I got carried away. I only did Atsumu's part which went over 3k+ works 👁️👄👁️ Anyway, I hope that you still like it. Have a good day, stay safe and hydrated! ♥️

Karma's a b*tch

genre: angst to fluff

warning/s: rude behavior (resolved), cursing, self doubt and insecurity(?), do message me if I missed any

a/n: please do read the warnings before you proceed. warnings have been put there for a reason

ft. fboy!atsumu miya, f!reader

never play with a girl's feelings. wanna know why? just read the title.

You stared at the back of Atsumu's head dreamily, your elbows propped on your desk as you basically ignored the world around you.

Contrary to the belief that noisy students always sat on the back, Atsumu and his twin were actually seated in front. Despite being in the middle of a class discussion, the two kept on chattering as if the teacher didn't exist. The teacher basically gave up already trying to shut them up since they never listened anyway.

You knew that she could've just sent them to detention but of course, who would do that to the miya twins? People almost worshipped them and your teacher wasn't excluded. Everytime she entered the room, you noticed how she would always cast a glance at the Miya twins and smile "politely."

The two, of course, took advantage of it. If it meant being able to get away with their noise by just simply smirking at the teacher in front of them, they'd do it. They already did anyways. They never did anything more than that though, and for some reason you were thankful that they never crossed that line.

You jolted up slightly when the bell suddenly rang, a loud yelp slipping past your lips out of shock. With your eyes widening like saucers, you felt your cheeks heating up when majority of your classmates turned their head towards your direction, some having a grin on their faces while the others having a look of displease.

However, their stare didn't matter as much as a specific person's did. A pair of brownish eyes stared at you intensely, his gaze so intense it was enough to make you almost squirm in your seat.

Feeling your heart rate picking up along with the shiver running down your spine, you looked down at your lap, successfully cutting your eye contact with Miya Atsumu - the guy you secretly liked despite being hailed as your school's certified f!ckboy.

"Make sure to finish all your requirements this upcoming weekend. You're all seniors so I have high expectations on your outputs, understood?"

With a series of "Yes, ma'am," the class was dismissed.

The room was filled with different noises - subgroups gossiping with each other, the footsteps of students hurrying their way out, the rustling of papers, clanking of chairs and the voices of the class representatives reminding the assigned people to clean properly.

It was lively, for them at least.

As for you, you preferred being alone. No, you weren't some weird nerd kid who acted as if they hated the world. Instead, you preferred categorizing yourself as one of those people who were naturally shy and introverted.

You don't really like crowds nor socializing. You've always opted on sitting by the corner, just enjoying the calmness silence brings you.

Grabbing your books from your desk, you stood up and made your way to the door, head casted a little downwards to avoid making eye contact with people, knowing that doing so will result to interactions, and who has time for interactions anyway? Certainly not you.

With the lack of paying attention, you failed to notice someone who was rushing their way out. Like a cliche movie, your body collided with them, the impact causing you to stumble backwards, loosening your grip on your books as they fell on the floor.

Luckily, the person behind you managed to catch you on time, their hand gripping the small of your back to keep your bum from meeting the floor.

"Whoa, there. Ya alright, princess?" spoke the familiar voice just behind your ear, his breath against your skin giving you small goosebumps.

Instantly, you jerked away. Turning around to face him, you bowed down while muttering continuous apologies. "Miya! I didn't mean to bump into you, I.. I swear. I was just walking out and then somebody j-"

Chuckling, Atsumu placed a hand on top of your head, giving your hair a small ruffle which eventually made you look up at him. "Calm down, I ain't mad at ya. No need to be so flustered."

With a stiff nod, you mumbled a small "Okay," before bending down to pick your books off the floor. You didn't fail to notice how your hands were trembling and you silently prayed to whoever diety was watching over you that Atsumu won't notice it.

"Yer y/n, right?" Atsumu asked as he bent down as well, one hand clutching your book as he let his finger trace over the name written on it. "A pretty name fer a pretty face like yers."

You wouldn't be surprised if he'd ask if you were doing okay because by now, you were a hundred percent sure that your face must be looking like a red tomato. "Thanks I guess," you said, giving him a shy smile before taking the book from his hand.

The small encounter was cut off by someone calling for Atsumu's name. Turning your head to the direction of the noise, you noticed Osamu walking towards you with a small frown on his face, one hand gripping the strap of his bag as he went on how they're going to have to run extra laps again if they ever got late for practice.

Atsumu only chuckled at Osamu before turning his focus back on you. With a cheeky smile, he booped the tip of your noise fondly. "Guess I'll see ya around, pretty thing. Careful not to stumble again, alright? Don't want another man catchin' ya."

With that, Atsumu went on his merry way, turning around one more time to send you a wink, chuckling as you gave him a slow wave before his figure disappeared from your vision as a mere dot.

"See ya later..." you whispered on thin air, lips unconsciously curling up as you stared at the direction he went off to. Once you snapped out of your daze, you bit your lip to stop yourself from squealing like a school girl in love.

Well, technically, you were a school girl in love, right?

That night, as you laid on your bed staring at your ceiling full of glow in the dark stars, you thought that maybe it wasn't so bad making conversations with people every once in a while.

-

The days went by pretty quickly.

At first, you thought that everything will be back to normal. After all, you never tried associating yourself with people. Your high school life was basically nothing but waking up early for school then going back home after class and then repeat.

However, something was strange. In fact, it was very strange. Not only were people trying to befriend you but the one and only Atsumu Miya was actually making an effort to talk to you, and to say that you were confused would be an understatement.

He basically didn't pay attention nor spared you a glance before, until that day you bumped into him.

You knew that it wasn't a good practice to judge someone based on what other people say but he wouldn't be called as your school's f!ckboy for nothing. He'd change his girlfriend almost every week as if he's only changing clothes, cruelly dump those who did not meet his certain standards and doesn't care even if a girl cries infront of him. Those are exactly why you tried not associating yourself with him nor his twin.

But there was something about Atsumu Miya that kept on drawing you in. You didn't know if it was his annoying piss colored hair, intense gaze, or the aura surrounding him. You couldn't help but wonder how someone like him, the exact type of person you swore you hated, managed to keep you attracted like a moth on to a flame.

It was weird.

And yet you loved it.

"Ya know y/n, ya kinda wound me," Atsumu said, plopping himself down beside you on the cafeteria.

With your hand clutching the chopsticks mid-air, you surveyed your area, noting how some heads, specifically the Inrizaki VBC's, turned to your direction. "Sorry, what do you mean?" you muttered as soon as your eyes met Atsumu's.

"I literally thought we're already friends when I saved yer ass from falling backwards," Atsumu answered before stuffing his mouth with an Onigiri, no doubt made by Osamu.

Placing your chopsticks down, you wiped your lips with some napkin before speaking up. "I'm sorry for asking this but... what's with the sudden interest, Miya?"

You were aware of how snappy you sounded, but in reality, it was your own defense mechanism acting up. Just how were you supposed to ignore him when it's he himself who kept on clinging to you?

"Hm, what do ya mean? Is it so hard to believe that I'm trying to befriend ya?" Atsumu tilted his head a bit to the side, his lips curling up into a smirk. "Why not try givin' me a chance, princess? That isn't so much to ask for."

You organized your now empty bento, placing it on the side before focusing your whole attention to the man in front of you. "I've seen how you treated girls before," you said with a low voice, averting your gaze from him to avoid melting into a puddle.

Damn stupid feelings.

"I see..." Atsumu said with a slow nod. "Then I guess that makes it more of a challenge."

Your eyebrows immediately furrowed upon hearing that, your curiosity spiking up at what his words meant. "Challenge? What do you mean?"

Instead of answering you, Atsumu just stood up, his bento in hand with the side of his lips curled up. "I'll see ya around, princess."

With that, you were left alone in your table, eyes still trained on Atsumu as he made his way back to the Inarizaki VBC's table. You watched as most of his friends chuckled while patting his back, some even sending a glance towards your direction.

Deciding that pondering over it would only be a waste of time, you stood up and made your way back to your classroom, failing to notice a grey haired Miya watching you.

-

You let out a small squeak as someone behind you reached for the same book you've been trying to get for almost 5 minutes now. Tilting your head back a little, you were met with an upside down vision of Miya Atsumu's face.

With your arms still raised in the air, you spun around to face him, your back flush against the bookshelf keeping you basically trapped. "Miya," you mumbled while looking up at him, one hand fisting the side of your skirt to release some pressure.

"Here," he simply said while handing you the book, obviously holding back from laughing at your flustered expression. "Don't worry, I ain't gonna try anythin' that would make ya uncomfortable. I was just passin' by and saw you strugglin'."

"And he even tucked my hair behind my ear!"

"He did that?" your cousin spoke from beside you.

Both of you were seated on top of your bed, legs crissed crossed as you gossiped about your interactions with Miya Atsumu.

For the past few weeks, you've been having encounters with Atsumu - in the cafeteria, in the library and even outside of school where he claimed that he was out to buy some ingredients for Osamu and only managed to bump into you "coincidentally". Name it and he'll be there.

With these constant encounters stirring up your feelings, you had to resort on calling your cousin for some girl time in order to save your sanity. Luckily, your parents had no objection. They were even happy that you were actually trying to open up to other people. It was only your cousin but according to your parents, "A small step is still a step."

Plopping your back on your bed, you grunted as you placed both of your hands on your cheeks. "Mhm. I just don't get it you know? He's basically this popular guy that plays volleyball, has a group of girls swarming over him and has the face and body that looks like it's been sculpted by God himself, and yet he's wasting his time on me."

You looked at your cousin with a small pout, one hand reaching out to poke her thigh. "Am I just overthinking things?"

With a breathy chuckle, your cousin laid down beside you. "Maybe? I can't really say for sure since I don't know this Miya guy except your description of him, but what I think is that you should give him a chance."

Hearing that, you laid on your side to face her, elbows propped up against the mattress as you rested your cheek on your palm. "Aila, have you been listening to me? He is a f! ckboy. Dangerous, treats girls like shit, and undeniably sexy. What if his sudden interest is only a one time thing? What if he's just messing with me?"

"And what if he isn't?" Upon hearing no reply, your cousin took your silence as her cue to continue. "What if people just labeled him as this so called 'f!ckboy' because that's what they perceive him to be? What if inside him is just someone who's vulnerable, trying to protect themselves from getting hurt by people so they end up hurting others first to save themselves from the pain? What if he's just waiting for someone who wanted to really know him, the real him? Would you really deprive him of that opportunity just because of what you hear from other people?"

"I... I don't know.."

"Miya isn't here to defend himself and I'm not trying to defend him, but don't you think you should at least give him the benefit of the doubt?" Aila smiled as she settled herself on a comfortable position. "Give him a chance, y/n. Everyone deserves to get one. It's up to him to prove whether he's worth the chance he was given."

You sighed deeply, letting her words sink in as you also shifted yourself on a comfortable position, raising your comforter up until it reaches just below your chin. "Then what happens if he isn't worth the chance he's given?"

With a hum, your cousin just shrugged. "Then you either forgive him and let it go or... give him the finger and tell him 'f!ck you' for messing with your feelings," she said with a short giggle.

"It's something only you in the future can decide. Goodnight, y/n."

With a thankful smile, you turned the lamp off as you whispered, "Mh, goodnight, Aila."

-

"Let's be friends," you said as you slammed a box of onigiri in front of Atsumu, a smacking sound resonating in the air making the rest of the boys look at your direction.

Even the sound of balls whooshing in the air stopped, replaced by the sound of them dropping suddenly on the gym's floor.

With his lips parted, Atsumu shifted his gaze from the onigiri, Osamu, Suna and you. "Ah..." he muttered as if he was just as shocked as you for having the guts to come inside the gym in the middle of their training.

Feeling your cheeks heating up out of embarrassment due to his lack of response, you looked down and started to fiddle with you fingers. "You said you wanted to be my friend and I kept on keeping my distance from you so I thought you might appreciate those onigiri as my peace offering." You scratched the back of your head before giving him an awkward smile. "A-anyway, that's all! I'll see you around, Miya!"

Atsumi could only watch you as you dashed out of the gym. Snapping out of his daze, he looked down at the box of Onigiri, smiling unconsciously as he noticed the sticky note posted on top with "Good luck on your practice, Miya! :))" written on it.

"Interestin'," Atsumu whispered before standing up, Kita's voice filling the air as he called the team back for practice.

-

It's safe to say that after that embarrassing moment, you became friends with Atsumu. You even became close with his twin because they were always with each other. It wasn't long then when the usual duo became three - Atsumu, Osamu, and you.

It was hard to adjust at first. Your female classmates would always glare at you and spout out some nasty remarks but the twins were always there to defend you. In fact, you even met the whole team and hanged out with them when you didn't have some academic tasks to finish.

It was fun, and you were thankful for your cousin who gave you the advise of giving Atsumu a chance.

But there was a downside on the situation.

Your feelings which you kept hidden for a long time was only growing day by day, and you were afraid that it was slowly showing signs.

How?

Everytime Atsumu was near, your heart would beat so fast that you felt like you just finished a 4 kilometer run. Your hands would become clammy, breath would hitch, and face would heat up whenever he teases you, and don't even forget to add that one time you literally froze when you spun around, only to come face to face with him - nose almost touching, lips ghosting against each other with only an inch keeping you apart.

You were playing a dangerous game and yet you had no intention of stopping, not knowing that it wasn't only you who had a secret.

Because Atsumu Miya was also playing a game - something much more dangerous than yours.

-

"Where's 'Tsumu?" you asked as you peeked your head inside the gym.

Kita, who was about to walk out, gave you a smile before opening the door wider for you to come in. "Atsumu's in the storage room. The twins made a mess again so I told them to go clean up before we start practice."

"Typical," you said with a short giggle. "Anyway, I'm just going to drop off Atsumu's hoodie that I borrowed last week. I'll watch over them while you do your business."

"That would be great. Thank you so much, y/n-san. Call me if something happens," Kita said, giving you a small nod before leaving.

As you entered the empty gym, you grimaced upon seeing something that looks like spilled milk on the floor. With a shake of your head, you made your way near the storage room sneakily in attempts of scaring Atsumu.

However, as you got closer, you heard two familiar voices. It was Atsumu's and Osamu's voice, and basing from the way they were speaking, it seemed as if they were in the middle of an argument.

"The fuck did ya say?" It was Osamu.

"I said I was only playin' with her. I mean, she's so easy, don't ya think? It basically only took me a couple of weeks and she came runnin' to me with that box of Onigiri, claimin' she wanted to be friends," Atsumu said, followed by a chuckle. "As if I didn't notice the way she acted around me. I'm telling ya, that girl is in love with me."

"And so, what if she is? That's not an excuse for ya to play with her feelings, dipshit."

Hearing Atsumu huff, you slightly backed away from the door, only to freeze when you heard his next words.

"Y/n is nothin' but a toy to me, somethin' I can dispose of when I got bored."

Biting your lower lip, you clenched the handle of the paperbag you were holding before running out with tears streaming down your face.

You ran as fast as you could, ignoring the worried looks you're getting from the people you were passing by. Even Kita was shocked to see you yet he didn't bother calling out, thinking that you might be needing some alone time for yourself.

You skipped class.

Throughout your whole Highschool life, this was the first time you skipped your class and it was a bummer that the reason was Atsumu Miya.

Stirring your strawberry milkshake from a nearby cafe, you thought about Atsumu's words, another batch of tears streaming down your face as you realized how pathetic you were for believing that he isn't what others say.

Maybe your cousin was wrong.

Atsumu Miya wasn't worth the chance he was given, because he only proved that once a f!ckboy, always a f!ckboy.

-

You blocked Atsumu's social media accounts.

In fact, you even blocked and deleted his number to stop getting in contact with him.

Even in person, you didn't bother paying him any attention unlike before. You stopped coming to their practices, stopped giving him food and stopped talking to him.

You basically acted as if he didn't exist.

It was hard because you knew that your heart belonged to him, but you had to endure it. You didn't want to give him the satisfaction for playing with you. You know your worth and there's no way you're going to let some f*ckboy ruin you.

"Y/n, would ya stop?!" Atsumu said as he grabbed your wrist, effectively stopping you from walking away from him any further.

"Get your hands off me, Miya. I don't wanna talk to you." You struggled against his hold, trying to take your hand back, only to fail when he tightened his grip.

"The hell's yer problem? What's with the sudden attitude? Yer basically ignorin' me and I don't have any idea what I did. Just tell me what I did wrong instead of actin' like a little brat." Letting go of your wrist, Atsumu groaned as he ran his fingers through his hair out of frustration. "I.. I don't like this."

You laughed, eyes squinting as you let out a fit of giggles before pointing at him. "You don't like this? Why not, Miya? I'm just a toy for you, right? So, I don't really get why you don't like this. Is it because you're not bored of me yet so you're not willing to dispose of me?" Crossing your arms over your chest, you looked at him with a serious expression. "Well, I'm sorry to say this but I'm not going to let you hurt me like the others. I'm not a plaything nor am I desperate like those girls pining over you. Have fun looking for a new toy. You're not worth playing with anyway."

That being said, you turned your back on Atsumu, ignoring the whispers that suddenly filled the hallway as the students parted some space for you, leaving Atsumu with his lips parted and feet frozen on the ground.

Serves you right, Miya.

-

Atsumu felt hollow.

With every passing day that you're ignoring him, conversing with people whom you never bothered associating yourself with before, the more he regret taking advantage of your feelings.

It was only supposed to be a game, nothing but a pass time and yet why did it felt like something was missing?

"I wasn't supposed to care," Atsumu said desperately while clutching his head in his hands, elbows propped on the table as he opened up to his twin. "F!ck...I think I like her, 'Samu."

"No shit, idiot," Osamu answered without taking his eyes off the stove. "I told ya several times to stop messin' with people's feelings and did ya ever listen? No. That's what ya get for bein' stupid."

Groaning, Atsumu rested his cheek against the table, facing Osamu's back. "Help me."

Slowing down from stirring the pot, Osamu looked at Atsumu through his shoulder. "Why would I do that?"

"Well, I'm yer twin. Aren't ya supposed to help me? Plus... y/n acts fine around ya." Atsumu sighed before sitting up properly. "I won't bother ya fer a week if ya help me out. I already did everythin' I could. Flowers, chocolates, even payin' attention in class just to impress them! Nothin' worked."

Osamu chuckled at the desperation and frustration in Atsumu's voice. "Deal." He turned the stove off, covering the pot before making his way to Atsumu. Sitting down, he crossed his arms over his chest while staring at the brokenhearted Miya. "Y/n is actually kind. Well, not until that moment she found out about yer stupidity. Have ya tried showin' her that yer willin' to change?"

Atsumu nodded. "I did. I even gave her the usual things girls like."

"I asked if ya showed her that yer willin' to change, not tried winnin' over her through bribery." When Atsumu didn't respond, Osamu let out a 'tsk' before continuing, "Just stop botherin' her and prove that ya regret what ya did."

"Easier said than done," Atsumu grumbled which earned him a smack on the head.

"Will ya stop bein' a sad boy already? I have a plan."

-

Its been two weeks.

Two weeks of no Miya Atsumu trying to apologize. Two weeks of no Miya Atsumu following you like a lost puppy while holding either chocolates or flowers.

Instead, what you were getting were these random post it notes on your locker, your desk, everywhere. Wherever you go, there would be random post it notes with various messages. Some contained cheesy quotations, the others short apology letters.

And despite how mad you were at Atsumu, you wouldn't be able to deny how cute the act was. Not only did he gave you space but also exerted an effort of silently letting you know that he'd be willing to wait for you.

You noticed how he stopped acting like a boss in class, opting to jot down notes instead of chattering with Osamu like usual. You also noticed how he stopped having a random girl beside him during breaks. Everytime you would pass by, no longer would he try to block your way and flick your forehead, but instead give you a hopeful smile before proceeding on his way wordlessly.

But what made you realize that he indeed regret what he did was that one time.

You were walking back to your classroom after forgetting your umbrella. The sound of the heavy rain tapping on the ground resonated on the empty hallways, the cold wind making you shiver as it whooshed in the air.

Wrapping your arms tightly around you, you entered your classroom, eyes widening as you saw Atsumu trying to fit something on the space below your desk while mumbling something.

Clearing your throat, you noticed Atsumu jolting up slightly before turning around to face your direction.

He smiled sheepily before scratching his nape. "I know it's yer birthday tomorrow so I was tryin' to fit this here. I guess there's no point hidin' it already since ya caught me anyway." Sighing, Atsumu picked up the fox stuffie and handed it to you. "Happy Birthday, y/n. I know yer still mad at me and ya probably hate me but I still wanted to give ya a present."

You stared at the fox in your hand, your fingers poking the fluffiness of the material as you fought back the urge to smile. "Thanks," you answered with a dismissive tone.

For a split second, it was silent, and you were aware of the intensity of Atsumu's gaze burning on your forehead, yet you refused to look up, knowing that once you did, you won't be able to hold yourself back and might just forgive him there and then.

"I like ya, I really do. I know I messed up big time fer taking advantage of ya and I'm sorry fer that. It was stupid and childish of me to think that the people around me are nothing but mere toys fer me to play with. I regret hurtin' yer feelings and I'll be willin' to wait until ya forgive me. Just know that I won't stop until ya do."

Hearing something rustling, you looked up and noticed Atsumu taking off his jacket. Within a few steps, he was already infront of you, draping his jacket over your figure. "I'll see ya around, princess. Don't get sick, alright?" Smiling, Atsumu gave your cheek a small pinch before heading out.

You were left in the empty classroom with nothing but the fox stuffie serving as your company. Atsumu's scent was swirling around you from the jacket you were given and at that moment, you haven't notice the single tear sliding down your cheek.

Because of all people, you never expected for Atsumu Miya to be the first one to greet you without having to remind them.

He was the first person you knew outside of your household to ever remember your birthday.

You hugged the stuffie close to your chest, burrying your face on top of its head as you let the comfort it brings envelope you.

-

You stared at the empty space infront, your head swirling as you thought of the possible reasons why Atsumu haven't been in class for three days now.

It's currently your last subject and throughout the whole day, you've been doing nothing but wonder where he was. You haven't asked Osamu about it yet since he was excused from the class due to the preparations for the upcoming match.

And so, the moment your class was dismissed, you rushed your way out, making your trip to the gym. You were thankful that they were in the middle of a water break so you had the chance to call out Osamu's name without having to worry about Kita.

"Y/n?" Osamu's eyebrow shot up upon seeing you. Suddenly, a knowing smile made its way to his lips. Standing up, he walked over to you. "He's sick," he said without even waiting for you to say something.

"Oh.." you muttered, shifting from one foot to another nervously before tugging at the hem of Osamu's jersey. "Do you... uhm, do you think it would be alright if I visit him after your practice? I wanna see if he's doin' alright."

"Alright. I think 'Tsumu would appreciate that. Why don't ya sit on the bench and wait a little for us to finish practice then ya can visit our house after?"

Upon hearing that, your face instantly lit up. You smiled at Osamu as you nodded.

Osamu only chuckled at you and fondly ruffled your hair, a habit he and Atsumu shared.

You waited patiently, and it wasn't long then when their practice finally finished. After Osamu took a shower, you both went on your way to their residence.

As you entered their house, Atsumu's voice immediately met your ears.

"'Samu! Cook me somethin', I'm starvin!"

You looked at Osamu who only shrugged as if he was already used to it. You took your shoes off and wore the slippers you were given before placing your bag on the couch.

"Our room is on the right. Go ahead and talk to him." Osamu said as he pointed on the door at the end of the hallway.

With a nod, you slowly made your way to their room, knocking softly before sliding your way in.

The first thing that greeted you were the mess of opened junk foods on the floor. Roaming your eyes around, you grimaced at the sight of empty water bottles littered around along with the volleyball laying on the ground.

Averting your eyes away from the trash, you looked at Atsumu whose back was facing you, his shoulder raising up and down evenly, indicating that he must be asleep.

Carefully, you walked claser and sat on the edge of his bed, your hand immediately feeling his forehead. "You're burning up," you mumbled, brushing his hair away from his face.

Suddenly, Atsumu's hand gripped your wrist, his eyebrows furrowed as he squinted his eyes. "Am I dreamin' or are ya a ghost?" he asked with a raspy voice.

"I'm not a ghost, 'Tsumu. I'm really here."

You watched as Atsumu slowly nodded before letting go of your wrist. "What're ya doin' here? I thought ya were still mad at me." Sitting up, Atsumu held the comforter close to him as he shivered.

"I heard you were sick. I'm no longer mad at you. I guess I'm still upset but I just can't hold a grudge against you forever, can I? That's not something I can do," you said with a shake of your head. "I really like you, you know? Despite your title of being a f!ckboy, I still fell for you. You were the first person I tried opening up to aside from my cousin. It's just a bummer that you ended up taking advantage of that vulnerability."

You felt Atsumu reaching out for you, his hand enveloping yours as he gave it a small squeeze. "I know, and I'm sorry. I really am."

"And if I give you another chance, will you prove me that you deserve it?" you asked as you looked at him, "I'm still hurt about what happened so I hope that if I give you this chance, you won't waste it."

"Yes. God, yes," Atsumu answered breathlessly, "I promise it won't happen again and I'll try to be better."

Suddenly, Atsumu wrapped his arms around your figure, pulling you on his lap as he settled his head on the side of your neck. "Thank you," he mumbled repeatedly against your skin, his arms tightening around you as if he was afraid of letting go.

And he never did.

Indeed, there was something about Miya Atsumu that kept drawing you in, and despite the bumps and dangers that came along your way, you didn't withraw.

Because as you closed the last page of your photo album eight years from then, you realized how right your cousin was alll along.

Atsumu Miya was worth the chance he was given, and he proved it to you every single day, sealing it with the diamond ring now resting on your left hand.

Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated ♥️

[ptergwen]

smoke and mirrors

⇢ richkid!tom x richkid!reader ⇠

w/c: 4.1k

warnings: swearing, drinking, light angst, and implied smut

summary: because of your mother’s insistence on a pristine family image and tom’s messy one, you deny your true feelings for him

a/n: ok ok ok the pics of tom in monaco really made me think and i had to get everything out of my system so here we are! thank you and enjoy x

-

your living room is engulfed by a hushed chatter that comes from far too many guests. half the people, you hardly know. it’s overcrowded, superficial, and the last place you want to be. it’s one of your mother’s get-togethers, as she likes to call them. these things are always far from the casual affairs they sound like.

weeks go into planning, caterers and decorators making themselves at home in yours. the family’s image is everything to your mom, so being a good hostess is her top priority. ironically, she’s more concerned with throwing her gatherings than raising you. so much for family, huh?

the only reason you agreed to make an appearance tonight is that tom might do the same. he’s a really good friend, someone you’ve been able to count on through all the mess that is your lives. you met in high school, when he moved from london to the states. his dad was offered a job promotion he couldn’t pass up. plus, tom and his brothers would be receiving a stellar private education here in america.

it was a win for everyone, especially you. the freckle faced boy who got lost on his way to english class became your closest confidant. tom’s company is such a sweet escape. he’s not interested in opera or the stock market like most people you meet are. he sneaks you out to go on walks at dawn and does shots with you until you can’t stand straight.

as you two continue to grow together, revelations about yourselves have come to light. what you want beyond your inheritances, who you want beyond friendship. you figured out the second part on a faithful night recently. tom showed up to your place with a bottle of tequila. after you drank it down through lots of lime chasers and giggles, he kissed you. you didn’t kiss back.

your heart said to go for it, but your mind pulled you back in. you were so shocked and overcome with new feelings, you froze up. that, and you’d infuriate your mother. although she cares about tom a great deal, she loathes his public figure. he’s always getting papped in places and with people he shouldn’t be. the two of you together would just destroy her.

you still want to please your mom at the end of the day, no matter how deep under your skin she gets.

tom immediately apologized and tried play it off as him being drunk. you grew up with him, became part of each other’s families, which means you know him well enough to know he was lying. he meant every second his lips were on yours.

what you need to do now is something you’ve meant to for a while. the only problem is that you’re stuck at your mother’s party, and tom hasn’t shown up yet.

“y/n, darling,” your mom calls for your attention. she’s dragged you into a conversation with some bloggers, but you haven’t spoken a word. “why don’t you tell us about your trip to spain last summer?” she plasters on her award winning grin and squeezes your shoulder. it’s time to play along.

“oh, it was beautiful,” you halfheartedly reply, more to the bloggers than her. they nod in clear interest. one jots down notes. “we went for a few weeks and visited a bunch of different cities. i’d love to go back sometime.” the typical press formatted answer earns your mom’s approval. you’re off the hook. your eyes start to wander around the room, hoping to set on tom.

“we?” the woman taking notes asks. must everyone pry? “my friend and i,” you shortly reply. you’re standing up on your tiptoes to see over the crowd. you’d think six inch heels would do the trick. “i’m actually looking for him right now, so if you’ll excuse me,” you offer a polite smile and silently pray they won’t ask who. unfortunately, your wishes don’t come true.

the other blogger, a short and stubborn man, speaks up. “just a friend you say? come on, tell us. who’s the lucky fella?” he inquires. your mother raises a firm eyebrow, signaling for you not to.

tom has a reputation for his reckless behavior. it’s your mom’s worst nightmare when the media associates your names under most circumstances. you’re representing her, so she does whatever she can to control how you’re seen. you’re constantly in the papers, being a young socialite and all. it sucks.

“he’d like to stay out of the tabloids, sorry,” you cover for tom, on your mom’s behalf. “i should really go. it was nice meeting you.” the bloggers don’t bother to hide their disappointment as you shake their hands. your mother rubs your back in approval. “thank you for doing that. we’ll talk later,” she speaks lowly. “bye, mom!” you practically make a run for it. 

weaving through the sea of people, you end up by the main entrance. it’s hard not to get lost even though it’s your house. the place is packed with girls just a couple years older than you, wearing pearls around their necks. men’s strong colognes flow through the air. you’re in a form fitting red slip dress and louboutins yourself.

smoke and mirrors is what they call it. you show the pretty parts to distract from your ugly ones.

harrison suddenly comes waltzing in with a lady on either of his arms. you’d expect nothing less. he’s tom’s best friend besides you, considering the failed kiss attempt didn’t change that. their parents worked at the london branch of the same company. they each came to the states and met you. you happily introduced them to your world, helping to make it theirs as well.

“haz!” you meet him at the front door. he’s smirking while he leads the women inside. “fancy seeing you here, isn’t it?” he jokes. “very funny. i died laughing,” you deadpan, curiously eyeing harrison’s plus two. they merely giggle. “listen, have you seen tom anywhere? if he’s coming.” you’re fighting back a frown. “why wouldn’t he be?” harrison questions in a more serious tone this time.

“long story. you have guests to entertain, so i won’t get into it now,” you decide and manage a small smile instead. he perks up. “right. i’ll let you know if i see him?” nodding, you give him a wave goodbye. “enjoy yourself.” “you too, love. cheers!” the girls lean into him, harrison wiggling his eyebrows at you. he’s ridiculous.

hours pass by without word of tom. it isn’t like him to miss an event, especially if you’re in attendance. you despise these exhausting nights, and he’s supposed to be your rock during them. he should have his arm draped around your shoulders, whispering silly remarks to you while you hide out somewhere. you miss him more than you thought possible.

you’re just about to give up when you spot nikki ushering her husband inside. behind them follows tom, clad in a grey checkered suit with his locks perfectly tousled. he’s here. you waited the whole night, and he finally came.

tom kisses his mom on the cheek before strutting over to the drink table, not without a few reporters hassling him. they’re probably looking for another holland scandal to break. he declines their requests for comments on this and opinions on that, instead pulling up a chair next to harrison. the two exchange hugs and fix themselves glasses of champagne, you watching their encounter.

harrison fills tom in on the drama he’s missed tonight while they sip their drinks. tom keeps forcing smiles that don’t reach his eyes. he’s fiddling with his fingers, leg bouncing up and down steadily. those are the telltale signs he needs saving. however awkward it may be, you’re going to have to break your silence. it was bound to happen eventually.

“mate, i’m telling you. she fit her entire first right up her-“ “boys,” you cut into harrison’s story, greeting him and tom. his face tints deep pink upon your arrival. “don’t let me stop you. finish your charming anecdote,” you encourage him and subtly glance over at tom. he’s biting back a grin as he sets his elbows on the table.

“not with a lady present. let’s just… pretend you didn’t hear that,” harrison chuckles nervously and hops to his feet. “i’m gonna leave you two to chat.” humming, you move to take his chair. tom sucks in a breath. “what happened to the girls you brought?” you wonder. “they left. said they got bored,” harrison admits, tom stifling laughter. he elbows his friend for that.

“oh, fuck off. i’ll see you later,” he mopes, flicking your arm for good measure. tom salutes him and grabs his nearly empty champagne. “so long, bruv.”

it’s just you and tom now, seated side by side, silently so. he has no intentions of speaking first. he’s too embarrassed, and you don’t blame him. this is on you. you clear your throat before starting the conversation.

“can i top you off?” you tap the bottom of his glass with a tiny smile. tom shakes his head. “i’m alright, thanks.” he finishes the last sip and sets it down, turning to face you. your smile has vanished. “wasn’t sure you were gonna make it. i’m glad you did,” you change the subject. as if he’s considering the sincerity behind your words, tom furrows his eyebrows.

“mum wanted us to. she dragged me and dad straight off the golf course,” he explains and clasps his hands in his lap. his fingers interlock with each other. you fight off the urge to replace them with yours. “we would’ve been here sooner, but the paps are camped outside.” the hint of a smile forms on his lips, at last. “guess it’s not often you get the town’s finest under one roof.”

“you think i’m one of the town’s finest?” you tease, resting your chin in your palm. something flashes behind tom’s eyes. he looks right into yours, scooting closer. “absolutely. you’re the most eligible bachelorette in this whole building.” you allow a toothy grin to spread across your face. “tommy, stop it. you’re too nice to me.”

the nickname is music to his ears. tom looks you up and down, licking his lips simultaneously. “no, seriously. you look gorgeous,” he muses, you pushing at his chest. he exhales a breathy laugh, and you giggle yourself. “red’s definitely your color.” “reverse card. you wear it way better than i do,” you insist. your fingers tug at the collar of his suit. “too bad you didn’t match me.”

you’re relieved you two can talk like you usually do, light flirting and good vibes. it might not be so hard to put the kiss behind you. well, you can’t go on pretending it didn’t happen. you have to at least discuss the fiasco. tom should know why you didn’t reciprocate, then you can take it from there. whether he still has feelings for you, assuming he ever did, will depend on how that turns out.

“not to ruin the fun, but we still have to talk,” you murmur, tom’s body stiffening across from yours. he’s not sure he’s ready to discuss that. “can it wait? we’re at a party,” tom reminds you, running a hand through his styled locks. “yeah, my mother’s. don’t tell me you’re having a good time,” you playfully chastise him. he simply shrugs. “hardly. you’re the best part.”

you ignore the butterflies roaming about your body.

“you won’t mind a quick convo, then. it is with me,” you attempt to persuade him and place a hand on his knee. tom coughs a bit too loudly, the contact surprising him. “you know what? i think i’ll take you up on that drink first,” he decides with a mustered up smile. “coming right up.” you pat his leg before taking his glass. he chews on his lower lip while you poor the bubbling liquid. that was certainly… odd.

you slide tom his champagne back with an exaggerated wink. tom scoffs at this. “mm, thanks. care to join me?” he brings the alcohol to his lips, eyes never leaving yours. your mother specifically said no drinking tonight, since the press would be here. screw your mother, though. “please. could you hand me a glass?” you eagerly grab the champagne bottle. tom searches for an empty cup next to him.

you two are unspoken drinking buddies at this point.

“here you are, darling,” tom drawls, holding out the glass for you. every time he calls you that, you completely melt. “thanks, tommy,” you purr in response. you’re finally pouring your own drink when someone taps you on the shoulder, and hard. you look behind you to find your mother standing with her hands on her hips, less than thrilled. speak of the devil.

“hello, mother. can i help you?” you make sure to ask rudely. she responds with a smile that’s obviously fake. if tom weren’t here, you’d be getting scolded. “yes, my darling. those bloggers from earlier were hoping you’d finish your interview.” your mom shakes your shoulder in a motherly way. you squint up at her. “didn’t they leave hours ago-“ “they’re back,” she sharply informs you.

she’s lying, and you have a hunch as to why.

frowning, you hold tom’s hand in both of yours. “sorry, this won’t take long. why don’t you go find tuwaine?” you suggest instead. “he’s around here somewhere.” tom gives you an understanding nod and laces your fingers together, even if it’s only for a moment. “must be chatting up some producers or whatnot. i’ll see if i can help.” he’s such an incredible friend to everyone. he deserves the same from you.

“thomas, so lovely to see you,” your mom interrupts. tom stands up, kissing both her cheeks out of courtesy. “you, too. what a wonderful party. thank you for having us.” despite what the rest of the world believes, his manners are impeccable. “of course. give nikki my best, will you?” your mom puts her hands on his shoulders. he grins at her. “definitely. take care, mrs. y/l/n.” “always a pleasure,” she states, nudging you to come along with her.

you shoot tom one last apologetic look as your mother pulls you along and towards the crowd.

tom is no idiot. he’s well aware how she really feels about him.

when a swarm of guests is surrounding you, your mom lets go. you scowl, crossing your arms over your chest. “why would you do that? i haven’t seen tom in days.” she sighs without a care. “isn’t it time you branch out? expand your social circle?” her manicured fingers ruffle your hair. you push away her touch. “i’m social enough. we were in the middle of something really important.”

you begin to walk away, but your mother takes your arm. “whatever you’re about to do, it’s a mistake. he’ll make a fool of you,” she practically spits. yanking your arm from her grasp, you laugh bitterly. “of me, or of the family name? look around, mom.” you gesture to the spot beside her where your dad should be. “as far as i’m concerned, i have no family except tom. i’m gonna go check on him.”

you’re gone before your mom can stop you. she simply stands there, utterly mortified by what you said.

you run around the house to find tom, stumbling in your heels and not giving a fuck. you’d truly meant the part about him being your family. all the holland’s, honestly. they’re the most genuine and caring souls, and you don’t want to lose the one you’re closest to because of your mother’s delusions. 

tom is in a circle with harrison and tuwaine, the three of them chuckling amongst themselves. you’d hate to bug him, but this can’t wait anymore.

“uh, tom?” you mumble his name, appearing behind him. he steps away with another quiet laugh. “hey, y/n/n. that was quick, hm?” your face gives away your distress. his whole demeanor shifting, tom reaches for your hands. “what is it, love? is something the matter?” “just… come with me,” you croak out.

you manage to smile at harrison and tuwaine, dropping one of tom’s hands so you can lead him upstairs. they each return the smile and share curious looks.

following behind you, tom keeps your hand tight in his own. he’d thought you were going to grill him about the kiss that barely happened. it seems like this is a much more pressing matter. his outburst of emotions can be discussed another time. now, it’s time to deal with yours.

you drag tom into the first room on the second floor, which is your dad’s study. he’s away on business this weekend, so he luckily couldn’t make the party. tom sits down in the office chair. you sit up on the desk, in front of him. your lip quivers the second his worried features come into view.

“y/n/n, what’s going on? why are we in here?” tom wonders, his tone soft. your heart clenches. “i- i wanted us to have some privacy when i told you this,” you sniffle out and blink back the tears forming. you’re sort of shaken from the conversation with your mother, and mostly because you have no idea how tom will react to your confession.

his hands come to stay on your thighs, right below your dress. they feel warm against your bare skin.

“tell me what? i’m listening, yeah?” tom gazes up at you with so much love. “lay it all out for me.” god, he’s fucking amazing. if only you knew where to start. “do you, um…” you trail off, letting your tears subside and words settle. “do you remember when your family made your big debut in town?”

a grin replaces tom’s frown, painting his beautiful face. “how could i forget? you made it quite memorable.” he traces circles on your thigh and elicits a giggle from you. “i spilled a whole thing of soda on your white fucking button down,” you recount with a lighthearted sigh. “right before your dad was supposed to introduce you to everyone, too.”

tom presses his tongue into his cheek to hold back another grin. “took ages to get it out. dad went mad when i didn’t show.” he cocks his head to the side, you leaning back on your hands. “you held me hostage in the laundry room so you could do that bloody stain stick.” your mouth drops open in mock offense. “i had to clean up my mess! i wasn’t gonna let the world meet you covered in pepsi.”

that was one of your earliest memories together. the holland’s threw a party and invited everyone who was willing to attend. they had been hoping to properly introduce themselves to the town, and this was their way of doing so. although yours and tom’s friendship was fairly new, you spent all night together because you had experience with such events.

tom’s dad was making a speech to thank the guests for coming. you and him listened from the snack table, until his name was called. he rushed to go up there while you were pouring yourself a drink. he’d bumped into you, and the bottle ended up all over him. you snuck tom right off to his laundry room.

you’d felt terrible as he stood there shirtless and blushing, you aggressively swiping his button down with a stain stick.

“why do you bring that up?” tom questions and continues circling your skin. you purse your lips. “i dunno. it was the last party i actually enjoyed,” you admit, putting your hand over his that rests on your thigh. “like to reminisce when i’m suffering through one of my mother’s.” his eyes shift to where your hands are laced. “i see,” he affirms. “so, is that… all you wanted to talk about?” “not even close,” you laugh out.

a burst of courage coursing through your body, you say it. “when you kissed me the other night-“ “i won’t do it again,” tom cuts in, trying to avoid the rejection he thinks you’ll give him. “it was a mistake, and i’m so sorry. our friendship is more important than my feelings.” you seem excited to hear that, though it’s not for the reason tom expects. “you do have feelings for me?”

he’d forgotten about his i was drunk excuse.

“um, yeah. i do,” he admits, cheeks rosy and lip caught in his teeth. “but, i’ll learn to put them aside, if that’s what’s best.” “no, no. it isn’t,” you dismiss him and put your free hand on his chest. “i love you, tom. that’s what i was really trying to tell you.” your words bring an instant grin to his face. he chuckles in disbelief, standing from the chair.

“fuck, thank god. that’s all i’ve ever wanted to hear.” he’s between your legs now, his hands moving up to your hips. you’re beaming at him as your arms snake around his neck. a burning question comes to tom’s mind. “hang on. why didn’t you kiss me back, then?” he almost whispers, thumb brushing over your hipbone. “this is gonna sound weird, but… my mom,” you reluctantly let out.

“you’re gonna have to elaborate,” tom prompts you and raises an eyebrow. you can’t hold back your eye roll. “she’s never been a fan of the person you are in the media.” his lips form a line. “i gathered.” your fingers tangle in his curls at the nape of his neck reassuringly. “i was subconsciously scared i would be letting her down in some way, if we were together.”

tom allows your hands to work their way up to his scalp. he exhales contentedly as you play with his ever so soft hair. “i understand, she’s intimidating. what’s changed that brilliant mind of yours about coming clean?” your nose scrunches up when he pokes one of your temples. “oh, yeah. i yelled at her earlier ‘cuz she stole me away from you.” his face lights up. “sexy.” “shut up,” you groan. “someone had to tell her off.”

“good thing it got to be you,” tom agrees with a squeeze at your hip. “‘m proud of you, y/n/n. it’s not easy, standing up to mummy dearest.” you tug on his hair. “like you’d know. nikki is a saint.” “that’s what she’ll have you believe,” he says under his breath, you gasping. his lips turn up in a smirk. “on that note… i love you, too.”

“would’ve been embarrassing if you didn’t say it back,” you acknowledge with a cheesy smile. tom dips his head down to rest his forehead against yours. “yeah, yeah. save the attitude for your mum.” your legs easily wrap around his waist, tom’s breath hot as it hits your face. “let’s give that kiss another go,” you mewl. he doesn’t hesitate to reply. “with pleasure.”

tom’s lips land on yours, you kissing back right away. he smiles into it as your lips gently move together. “about fucking time,” he grumbles, your hands situating in his chocolate curls once again. he’s savoring every second you touch him, kiss him, love him. the taste of your mouth is one he’s craved for longer than you could imagine.

it doesn’t take long for things to heat up, you messing with tom’s hair and tom rubbing your hips. you lay back on the desk as his tongue enters your mouth. holding you by your waist, tom hovers over you. his tongue tangles with yours in a deep kiss. between that and his fingers beginning to massage your thigh, you’re done for. you’re ready to take this a step further by the time he’s kissing down your neck.

“tommy?” you grab onto his shoulders, your head back. his lips detach from your skin with a grin. “yeah, love? ‘s everything okay?” he coos, pressing a final kiss to your collarbone. “more than.” you tilt his chin up to peck his lips. “you wouldn’t happen to have a condom, would you? just thinking ahead.” he laughs breathlessly, reaching into his suit pocket.

“conveniently enough, i do. not sure your dad would like me fucking you on his desk, though.” tom sets his hand on your leg that’s still hooked around his waist. “my room’s always available. carry me?” you make grabby hands and bat your lashes. he hoists you up by your waist, not lifting you just yet. “that would break the news of us, no? your mum’s gonna go apeshit.” he keeps his arms around you, chuckling.

“let her. besides, i know a couple of bloggers that would love to announce our status update.” you peck tom’s lips, grinning as you do. you’re suddenly in the air and being picked up by tom. the surprise of it makes you squeal, clutching onto his broad shoulders instinctively. he gives you the look of adoration that’s reserved for you only.

“we’ll go pop a few bottles with everyone, then we’re celebrating on our own.”