#which is good because i felt like shit since the winter holidays so this is a better state of existing in general

[silencesscreams]

santa doesn’t know you like i do

james potter x f!reader (smut)

summary: you and james had been distant for a month, until you saw him at a christmas reunion. you thought he didn’t see you the way you wanted him, until he couldn’t help but bringing you over to his apartment next door.

a/n: did this in a rush but i needed to do a christmas james fic, also stream fruitcake (i love you sabrina carpenter) happy holidays!! didn’t really check for mistakes so just tell me if you see any (please), also keep in mind english isn’t my first language so sorry about any errors.

warnings: smut with plot, muggle + modern day au, afab!reader, she/her pronouns referring to reader, reader knows how to bake, james is taller than reader, wolfstar, friends to lovers, petnames (love, darling, sugar), casual drinking, use of y/n once, kissing, hickeys, swearing, praise, fingering, oral (f receiving), slight dom!james and sub!reader dynamic, james loves biting, orgasm denial?, a bit of a size kink, unprotected (sorry) penetration

you loved the winter time, especially christmas.

gifts, snow, hot chocolate, good food, what could be top that?

you and your friends had planned a christmas reunion, you were so excited you felt stupid. sirius and remus were hosting the party in their apartment, which was right next to james’, so you assumed he’d be there.

even though you and james were very close friends, since you had developed a crush on him you both had been a bit distant, especially because he was in a situationship with a girl you barely knew and you didn’t want to get in the way. even if you were attracted to him, you wanted what has best for him, though you couldn’t handle being around him while he was obsessing over her.

you told your roommate, lily, about it and she said that you were acting silly, distancing yourself from him like that and that you should try and talk to him normally at the party. you guessed she was right, you just wondered if he was going to bring the girl there, you would absolutely hate it.

you and lily went separately, which you realized was a bad idea once you stood in an elevator with a very heavy glass tray filled with chocolate mousse not being able to press the floor buttons without dropping the dessert on the floor or getting your dress dirty. and so you heard him.

shit.

“remus, are you sure she’s not coming?” you heard james say from far away. “no, i just don’t want to-” he saw you. “listen, i’m getting on the elevator, see you soon” he stepped in, cheeks flushed looking at you. you knew he was talking about you in that phone call.

“hi, it been a while” he says, trying to look away from you.

“james, could you press the button please?” you request, signaling to the buttons on the elevator with your head.

“oh, yeah, of course. going to the party?” he asked, already knowing the answer. you nod a yes, hating how awkward the situation felt. the elevator doors close and you feel obliged to say something

“how’s anna?” you question, remembering the girl he had been with for the past month.

“alright, i think” he looks at you. “it didn’t work out between us, you know? we broke up one or two weeks ago”

“sorry to hear that” you weren’t sorry at all.

“it’s whatever, i’m not even sure if i really liked her, just felt like i was trying to get over someone” he stated, the doors open and he held up his arm, holding the door so you could get out before him.

“that sucks. thank you” you step out, staring at him as he got out. he looked pretty like this, his hair looked messy-cute, just the way you liked it. he was wearing the black pants you bought him once and a sweater. he was probably freezing outside. sure, you weren’t wearing the best clothes to keep you warm, specially with the length of the dress, but you took an uber, he walked everywhere.

“hey, could you help me out with something?” he asked, opening the door to his apartment.

“sure” you follow him, closing the door behind you with a bump of your left shoulder, gently placing the tray you were holding on his entrance table. he looks at you, blank look on his face, he looked like his mind was fully empty. “so, what is it you want help with?"

“right, hm, could you help me pick out a sweater?” before you distanced yourself from him, he would always call you randomly and ask you to pick out his clothes. you loved it, it felt like playing with dolls again. you nodded a yes and he went to his room, you looked around his living room. it looked the exact same as it did a month ago, except it had a small christmas tree in the corner between the tv and the framed mirror. you got on your knees to look at the ornaments. they all had pictures of him and his friends. once you saw a picture of you and him in one, you felt like crying, it was the cutest thing. you were smiling and his face was glued to the side of yours, pretending he was biting your cheek. you quickly took a photo and put your phone back in your cardigan's pocket.

“you like the tree?” he smiled, you turned your head and got up, straightening your dress. he had given you quite the fright.

“it’s cute” you smile back, he was shirtless, holding two options in his hands.

“did you see that photo of us from thanksgiving?”

“yeah, i did” you look away. he holds up two sweaters, a cream colored one with little blue patterns and an awfully ugly one that had christmas lights. you were sure he had worn the ugly one to last years holiday party, it was ugly sweater themed.

“i would go with the one that doesn’t have lights” you were sure he was joking when he brought that one. “also, that has to be some sort of fire risk.” you joke as he put son the cream one.

“good choice, thank you, love” he referred to you like that, you just didn’t expect he would feel okay with doing it now.

“you’re welcome, james” you smile, looking at him, but not directly into his eyes. he goes to the door and picks up the mousse effortlessly.

“i’ll get this for you, don’t worry” he said before you could question him. you follow him and open the door.

once he steps out, you close the door behind him and he looks at you that way again.

“we’re doing okay, right? we’re not fighting or anything like that?” he asked, your brows furrow, feeling bad for not treating him like you usually did this past month.

“of course we’re okay, aren’t we? i’m okay” except you weren’t okay with loving him, you weren’t okay at all, but it was better to love him and him not corresponding than not having him in your life at all.

“good, ‘cause i wouldn’t know what to do without you, darling” he said, smiling.

“i wouldn’t know what to do without you either” you smile back and ring the doorbell to the apartment next to james’. it takes him a while but remus opens the door, looking at you and james in shock.

“hey, guys” he said in an awkward tone, the one that his voice turned into when he was nervous. “come in” he said, opening the door wider and mouthing something to james as he held the door for you.

“i’ll take your dessert to the kitchen” james says to you as you head over to lily, who was talking to mary.

“okay, just put it in the refrigerator, alright?” he nods and sirius follows him as he goes to the kitchen.

“why’d you lie to me?” he interrogates remus as he opens the door of the refrigerator.

“listen, i knew you wouldn’t come if i told you she’d be here. i didn’t want you to spend christmas all alone in your apartment, plus, you guys weren’t even in a fight, you’re just distant” he explains himself nervously moving his hands.

“he saw her?” sirius questions, coming into the kitchen and seeing his boyfriend nervous.

“went up the elevator with her.” james stated and looked at remus again “she could’ve heard what i was telling you on the phone, you know?” james said almost whispering, scared you’d hear that too.

“please, everyone knows that you’re in love with her. don’t torture rem’ over it” sirius jokes, giving the man next to him a kiss on the cheek.

“listen, chill out, drink a bit. it’ll be fine” remus says, looking at james with empathetic eyes.

james was trying to not think about you. he had been trying for the past year. until he met anna a month ago, as time passed and he spent more time around anna, he realized that everything she did reminded him of you. it seemed like he had been falling for someone who was a bad copy of you and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he stayed with her. that month was by far the worst in his year, it was the one without you. you pulled away and he didn’t understand why, so when he saw you that night, he thought you hated him. he didn’t know what to do.

until you talked to him.

that was when he felt like everything good was happening to him, like somehow the universe had brought you back to him. and when he saw you taking a picture of his christmas tree his heart could’ve just melted. he knew you didn’t hate him and that was the biggest relief possible. so he stayed at the party.

“hi” you greeted him, sitting down next to him on the couch. everyone was doing their own thing. james would usually be around the boys joking and drinking, but that night he had spent most of his time sitting on the couch across from you, eyeing your every move. when mary, who had been talking to you for the past twenty minutes, saw him, she announced that she was going to get a drink and chat with peter for a bit. and so you were left making eye contact with james from across the room. after thirty seconds you got up and sat next to him.

“hey” he smiled, you took his drink from his hand and took a sip, not breaking eye contact once. the heat burned your throat in the best way possible, it was way stronger than what he usually had.

“changing it up for the holidays? you’re usually a beer guy, aren’t you?” you ask, putting his drink on the coffee table in front of you both.

“decided i needed something more for tonight, 'was feeling kind of tired, you know?” you nod in answer, your leg brushed against james’ and you immediately looked away from him, he casually put his right hand on your knee and led it up to where your dress ended in the middle of your thighs. you were so incredibly close it was driving you insane, what was he even doing?

“have you baked those cookies recently?" he looks at you, like he wasn’t doing nothing at all. was he drunk?

“i haven’t, but i can bake some for you another day, i know you like them. how much did you drink?” you ask, his tolerance was high, the party had been going for about an hour and a half, he didn’t drink much, did he?

“almost nothing. two cups of that you drank” his hand there was driving you crazy, you tried to hide it but your nervousness was pretty noticeable. “i really like the cookies, what do you put in them that’s different?” “hm, usually i put more salt and vanilla extract than what’s recommended by recipes but that’s it” you felt a lump in your throat, he was making you so nervous. he looked so good and you felt like screaming because he had never touched you like that before. sure, very long hugs and sometimes cuddles, but not hands on thighs and whatever it was he was doing to you.

“are you alright, love? you seem a bit pale” he questioned, smiling at you, that damned smile.

“i’m fine. i’m going to the bathroom to freshen up, but i’ll be back soon” you got up and walked quicker than usual to the guest bathroom, locking the door behind you as you walked in. you looked at yourself in the mirror, trying to calm down. no, he wasn’t flirting with you, you were just being delusional, it was all fine. plus, you both were really good friends. it was completely normal for friends to touch each other like that, you were just letting your feelings for him get in the way of some friendly physical touch. that was probably it. you checked your makeup and flushed the empty toilet, to at least fake you were actually in the bathroom.

as you opened the door, you were faced with james potter, in all his glory, staring at the door of the bathroom you were just in.

“sorry, did i take long? i-” he interrupted you.

“listen, y/n, i have been trying to brush this off for about a year now but i can’t. i hope this doesn’t affect our friendship, but im interested in you. as more than a friend and i really like you. i think you’re pretty, funny, i think you smell great and have an amazing taste on basically everything. i want to take you out on dates and treat you better than anyone ever has, this past month i have felt so bad without you around me and when i saw you again today i just felt better. well, that was until i realized about half an hour ago that i hadn’t bought you a christmas gift, but just text me your wishlist and i’ll get you whatever you want because i just want to make you happy. that’s all i want this christmas. also, is this bad timing to point out the mistletoe on the doorframe?”

you couldn’t believe it. you loved everything he had just said, you wanted him more than you’ve ever wanted anything in your life. you loved him.

“kiss me” you said simply like your heart wasn’t pounding crazy quick in your chest.

“what?” “kiss me. isn’t it bad luck not to kiss under mistletoe?” so he did. his lips crashed with yours, his right hand holding you by the back of your neck and his left on your hip, closer to your ass than it normally would be in any kiss. he spent a while like that, lips glued to yours, taking the situation in. he pulled away, looked at you from top to bottom and then went back to the kiss. his tongue entered your mouth smoothly, but the kiss was feral and hungry. he craved your taste, he kissed you like a starved man.

soon enough, the left hand was grabbing your ass for dear life. he pulled away again, leaving you craving the feeling of his mouth on yours.

“you’re not feeling well, can i take you home?” he asked, looking at your lips. it took you a while to understand what he was implying.

“please” you whisper, he takes your hand and leads you to the living room, grabbing your cardigan from the chair it was on.

“wait here” he said to you, going over to sirius and telling him you were feeling a bit sick. sirius waved to you and mouthed a get well soon, it was sweet he believed james, specially since his mouth looked pink from your tinted lipgloss.

as soon as you stepped out of the apartment you looked at james with a big smile on your face.

“this is so weird, i suddenly feel better” you joke.

“really, huh? should take you to my apartment just to be safe” he picked you up, holding you with one arm.

“james!” you shouted, laughing.

“don’t worry, darling. ‘gonna take good care of you” he opened the door to his apartment, closing it with his foot. he took you to his room, throwing you on the bed and jumping to lay down on the spot next to you. he took his shoes off lazily and took off your heels for you.

“you’re so stupid, you know that?” you comment, rolling your eyes at his gesture. you loved it.

“yeah, i am the one who’s stupid” he smiled, crawling over you, his legs between yours and his face right over yours, giving you a sweet smile. he kissed you again, that same starved way, this time he wouldn’t have to stop though.

his hands roamed your body, cupping your breasts through your dress. your hands went over to his hair, tugging on it lightly. he chuckled into your mouth when you did it the first time, but he liked it more than anything. he pulled away from your mouth, now kissing from your cheeks to your neck, biting it lightly, leaving marks. you gasped at the feeling of his teeth nipping on your skin, the wet patch on your underwear becoming absolutely undeniable.

his kisses turned sloppy once they reached your chest, he pulled down your dress to get a good look, you weren’t wearing a bra. your breasts looked absolutely perfect, your nipples perked up because of the cold.

“you look so fucking gorgeous” he whispered “hate to mess you up like this” no he didn’t. he was loving every second of it.

his lips sucked on your right nipple, his hand grabbing your left boob. you moaned at the warm feeling of his mouth on you. his tongue flicking your nipple before moving onto the other.

“james” you gasp, shivering under him. he’s loving the way you react to him. your hand goes down to palm him through his jeans, he can’t help but groan.

“needy, aren’t we?” he teases. he’s been waiting for this moment for so long, at the same time he wants to take it slow, he wants to absolutely wreck you.

“please” you beg, he wants something else first.

“not yet, princess. be patient” he slips his hand under the waistband of your underwear, feeling how wet you were. “all for me?”

“all yours” you tried not to stutter, holding back a moan once he pinched your clit.

“good girl” he says, putting one finger in you, using his thumb to stimulate your sensitive bud. you bring the back of your hand over your mouth to hold in a moan but he stops you.

“nonono, none of that. i wanna hear you, love” he puts another finger in and you moan, lightly arching your back. he smiles and trusts his fingers into you whilst stimulating your bud.

“you’re being so good, sugar. so pretty like this” he praised you, your walls clench around him and you moan loudly at his words. he smirks, already knowing how much you love being praised like that. being told you’re a good girl. he pulls out his fingers and you whine at the empty feeling. he pulls the sweater he was wearing from off of him, discarding the piece of clothing you had picked for him earlier that night. he takes your lacy underwear off and opens your legs, holding apart with his wrists and getting a perfect view of you.

he kisses the inside of your thighs upwards in the direction of your pussy, he was kissing you everywhere except where you most wanted him. until suddenly he kitten licked your hole, his thumb moved in circular motions on your clit. you groaned at the feeling of his mouth on you. he sucked on your clit and put two fingers in again, flicking over your sensitive bud with his tongue.

“fuck!” you moaned once he nipped at your clit with his teeth, you were so close. your hands tug on his hair and you can feel his cocky smile against you. he kept on thrusting his fingers into you, sucking onto your bud harder. you moaned loudly at the feeling, not being able to hold it in.

“shit, james, i’m gonna cum” you say in between moans and groans. you were almost reaching your high but he pulled his fingers out, giving your cunt a peck before pulling away, making you whine.

“not yet” he took off his pants hurriedly, he was wearing white underwear and you could see his hard cock pressed against the fabric. he was bigger than what you thought was. james took himself out of his underwear, he was on his knees towering over you, not breaking eye contact as he stroked himself before penetrating you. it was probably the hottest thing you had ever seen. he gave you a quick kiss before lining himself up against your entrance, the tip against your aching hole.

“tell me if you want to stop, alright?” he asks, looking into your eyes as you nod. you close your eyes as he begins to put it in.

“no, look at me, love” he demands, you open your eyes and look at him over you. holy shit. once he’s fully in he groans, not moving an inch. “you’re so fucking tight, feels so good” he whispers, pulling out almost fully and then trusting back in. you moaned at the exciting new feeling.

it took him a few thrusts, but once he finally picked up his pace he didn’t hold back, hitting your g-spot perfectly with every thrust. he made you a moaning and shivering mess beneath him, scratching harshly his back. you were sure it would leave marks.

his head was in the crook of your neck, biting the soft skin beneath him. it felt better than anything, it didn’t take long for you to start feel your orgasm coming onto you. he thrusted deeply, hitting the perfect spot even harder.

you moaned loudly, your walls clenched around him, he groaned at the feeling.

“are you alright?” he teased you, voice sounding strained as his thrusts hit deep inside of you. he lifts your hips, thrusting harder and hitting everywhere you needed him to. you threw your head back, completely taken by the pleasure he was causing over you, your eyes fluttering shut.

“shit, james. ‘m gonna cum” you state, scratching his back roughly.

“do it, be a good girl and cum for me” he said, groaning as your walls tightened around him. your climax hits you hard and you're moaning and arching your back as he holds you against him. his thrusts don’t stop once you’ve finished.

“gonna cum in you, is that alright?” you nod in answer, not being able to form a coherent sentence because of how fucked out you were. the sound of his hips slapping against yours filling up the room along with your moans and his swearing. after a few thrusts you felt his cock twitch inside of you, his hot juices mixing with yours.

once he’s finished he collapses over you, not pulling out. he leaves a trail of kisses from your collarbone to your mouth, kissing you firmly once he gets to the end.

“i think i should take you out on a date sometime” he says, grinning. he was so stupid.

“you really should” you kiss him softly and you knew what it was. he was also in love.

[atlafan]

Layna's never been so ravenous for her boyfriend. Which is shocking because there have been many times where she's felt more than desperate to have his body on hers, but this is something different entirely.

Normally, she doesn't like winter by the time February hits. The holidays are long since over, and the snow is less magical. There's black ice everywhere, and the air hurts her face. All that being said, she just found a new reason to like winter.

Sweater vests.

She had no idea Harry even owned them until she saw him wearing one at the latest showing at her gallery. He looked so handsome. All dressed up in a pair of slacks, loafers, sweater vest, and a long jacket. He hasn't exactly been dressing appropriately for winter, so when she sees him walk into the gallery, she feels like the wind has been knocked out of her. Layna is a professional, but she only has so much willpower when it comes to Harry. She's let him fuck her in the backseat of her car in the gym parking lot for fuck's sake.

They lock eyes from across the room. Layna takes out her phone and sends him a text. He raises an eyebrow when he sees her name lit up on his phone.

You're mean

how am I mean?

You look too good

not sry

Bet you're wearing that nice cologne I like so much too

u bet ur🍑

need you

ur werking

come to my office, no one will notice if I slip away for a few minutes

bet

Harry shoves his phone into his jacket pocket and makes his way to Layna's office. It's in such a private area, she's not worried about being caught. Besides, the gallery sold out. Her work is essentially done for the night.

So, that's how Layna ended up clutching at Harry's chest with her leg up over his hip, pressed up against the door of her office on a work night. His lips are on her neck, sucking on her like a leech as her fucks her with his fingers. Her fingers twirl in the material of the vest and she's doing her best not to make too much noise. Her lips are going to be incredibly swollen by the time they're done. She's panting and near convulsing in his arms. Her fingers move up to his hair to rug on. It's finally grown out to a length where she can actually tug on it again. He moans into her neck and pushes her harder up against the door. One of his hands presses flat against it by her head, and she can't help but whimper as she looks at his pulsing veins and rings.

"Shit, I'm gonna make a mess." She gasps when she feels Harry's fingers fucking shallowly into her while his thumb rubs her clit. "I don't want to ruin your pants."

Harry pulls away and looks at her before sinking to his knees and wrapping his lips around her clit as he continues to fuck her with his fingers. Her hands fly right back to his hair. She nearly loses her balance, but Harry keeps her stead, placing one of her legs over his shoulder. He looks up at her and smirks, and that's when she loses it. She lets out a loud cry of his name as he laps away at her juices. He drags her panties back up when he's done and stands up slowly as he runs his hands up her body. He cups her jaw and licks into her mouth. She melts into him.

"I knew you'd like this outfit." He smirks. "Daddy cleans up real good when he wants to, hm?"

"You mean you did this to me on purpose?" She pouts.

"Payback for all your relentless teasing the last few weeks."

"You can't tell me that wearing shorts in the freezing cold doesn't look funny." She scoffs. "Besides, thought we made up from all of that."

"We did." He nods, squeezing her hips. "But I couldn't resist making you sweat."

"Well, you succeeded, and then some. Let me-"

"Nope." He steps back from her. "You can wait until we get home. I'm gonna shove my dick so far down your throat you'll be gagging all over it, and it'll ruin your pretty makeup. You're working, Layna. Compose yourself and be professional." He moves her, she's too stunned to speak. He wacks her ass before leaving the office.

A shiver runs up her spine. How much longer does she have to stay at work for?

NO COMPLAINTS BLURB

[suugarbabe]

I’m OBSESSED WITH UR FICS OMG- can u do a Mattheo or Theodore FIC x Reader based off of karma?! LOVERRRRR

Hii anon!

Sorry it's been a minute since you asked this :( I'm not super good at lyric fics but I did try my best so if it's shite dont come for me 😬

pairing: Theo Nott x reader

warnings: angst angst angst, no happy ending

You're talking shit for the hell of it

Addicted to betrayal, but you're relevant

You're terrified to look down

'Cause if you dare, you'll see the glare

Of everyone you burned just to get there

It's coming back around

You did your best to walk through the halls with your head high, but you could still hear the whispers of others around you as you passed. In the beginning it absolutely crushed you to know that Theo was saying awful things about you. You never thought the man that kissed you so softly, or wiped away tears from your cheek would be the one to inflict so much pain that the tears were because of him. 

The thing was, you were really happy with Theo in the thick of it, you didn’t understand where things were starting to go wrong when they did. About two months ago, when you were still together, Theo started being…distant. He all of a sudden wanted to study alone, was doing extra time on the quidditch pitch and going to bed early. 

You felt like you couldn’t be too mad at him for these things, end of term exams were coming up before winter holiday, and Theo was really serious about his studies. And to be honest, a lot of your study sessions ended up well…studying human anatomy (which was not a real subject at Hogwarts). 

And Slytherins quidditch team had gotten a new chaser recently, so Theo wanting to spend some extra time doing that didn’t seem off, he was essentially the lead chaser, and with good reason. You figured the combination of extra studying and extra quidditch was why he was so exhausting and going to bed early. 

You were definitely sad he was being distant, but were doing your best to play it off. Apparently you weren’t doing that good of a job as one night Theo had gotten particularly snappy with you. 

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked it without even looking up from his textbook. It was a rare occasion that he was actually studying with you in the common room. You shook your head, “Nothing’s wrong Theo, I’m glad we’re doing this together.” 

He left a puff of air through his nose, “W’dya mean, we always study together.” 

“I-I just meant you’ve been studying alone a lot lately, I’ve just…missed this with you,” you didn’t know why your voice was a little shaky. He wasn’t normally like this with you.

“You know you don’t have to be by my side all the time? I can have space to myself too,” Theo started packing away his things.

“I-I know, Theo, I wasn’t - I didn’t mean…” you trailed off, not sure what to say. 

“You know what, I'm just going to go to bed, guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” You watched him walk away from you, up the stairs, down the dorm halls. You don’t think he even noticed that he showed you zero affection before he left. Didn’t tell you he loves you like he always did, didn’t even kiss you. 

Spider-boy, king of thieves

Weave your little webs of opacity

My pennies made your crown

Trick me once, trick me twice

Don't you know that cash ain't the only price?

It's coming back around

You were starting to get used to Theo not really being there. It seemed like the only time he ever gave you attention was at meal times, and you figured that was only because his friends were your friends and vice versa. You dared not make any forms of PDA unless Theo initiated it. You stopped doing that last week when you felt him tense up grabbing his hand in the hall. 

You weren’t completely oblivious. You knew something was going on, but you just didn’t know what, or why. However two weeks ago you got the confirmation you never wanted. It happened later after dinner. Theo told you he had to go to the quidditch pitch to help train the new chaser again. However you happened to run into said chaser, quite literally, as you were headed back to the common room. 

You had turned the corner quickly, stuck in your head about everything going on in your relationship and not paying attention to where you were going. That’s when you slammed into a strong chest, arms grabbing hold of you so you didn’t fall down. 

When you looked up, you saw the face of the very person your boyfriend was supposed to be with. “W-why aren’t you with Theo?” 

He looked confused by your question so you continued, “Aren’t you supposed to be on the pitch with him? You’ve been training with him for like the last two weeks.” 

His face fell, “Sweetheart…we haven’t done any training together since I joined the team.” Your chest was tight, like someone had hold of your heart and was squeezing the blood from it. 

“I-erm, I have to go,”. You pushed away from him, walking quickly back to the dorms. He called after you but you didn’t hear him. It was like the blood squeezed from your heart was rushing to your brain making you deaf. 

You found yourself walking to Theo’s dorm instead of yours, wanting to confront him and not delay the inevitable any longer. 

But that’s when you caught him. Caught him right in the act. As soon as you opened the door you saw him, naked and tangled with someone else. His eyes locked with yours, and there was no remorse. 

You closed the door behind you, he didn’t even follow you. You saw the girl he was with go towards the girls dorm. She avoided your gaze. At least she felt guilty.

You stayed in the common room, hoping maybe Theo would try and find you. Try and give you an explanation, but he never came. 

'Cause karma is my boyfriend (karma is my boyfriend)

Karma is a god

Karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend (weekend)

Karma's a relaxing thought

Aren't you envious that for you it's not?

Sweet like honey, karma is a cat

Purring in my lap 'cause it loves me

Flexing like a goddamn acrobat

Me and karma vibe like that

It was Enzo who found you that night. Enzo who asked you why you were crying and what was wrong. Who swore to you he didn’t know what Theo was up to and offered to hex him if it would make you feel better. 

You found yourself spending more time with him. It got your mind off Theo and he was treating you so kindly. 

Surprisingly Theo seemed bothered by your new interactions. But you didn’t care, he lost that right when he did what he did. 

When he started rumors about you being the one who cheated with Enzo instead of the truth, you were hurt. But Enzo was there for you, wiping your tears and letting you cry on his shoulder. 

He told you that it didn’t matter to him and he would stick by your side the whole way. So today, when whispers and conversations were still happening around you, you held your head high. 

You walked by Theo in the corridor, his eyes trained on you the whole way as you walked up to Enzo. He greeted you with a hug and a kiss to the top of your head. Your relationship was platonic, but you could see how to the outside person it may seem like more. 

You didn’t notice Theo come up to the two of you, “Taking my sloppy seconds, Lorenzo?”

You stiffened at his words, but Enzo was quick to defend you, “Seems like you’re the one who got sloppy Theodore.” 

You chanced a look at Theo, his jaw was clenched. Enzo didn’t stop, “Shame you were such an ignorant bastard. You never deserved her in the first place.”

Enzo put a protective arm around you, pulling you into his side. Theo opened his mouth to reply, but Enzo pulled you away, headed toward your next class together.  

Theo was left standing there, steaming. Karma was a bitch.

[cock-ainee]

You know what imma tell you all?

I once had my first friend. It was uhh, 5th grade of primary school? Previously, i was friendly with almost everybody.

At first she was annoying me. She was always sticking to me and i had no idea why. Only later we started talking and became friends. But it wasn't long, until another friend joined us. And for some time, it still was fine.

Then there was covid... And it was the worst shit that could've ever happened to me. When we finally came back to school i was more closed off than ever. But i still had my friends, right? So i thought.

Sometime later they both went on a trip during winter holidays. I couldn't go, so they took a girl from another class. And when they came back, that's when it started. They completely ignored me most of the time. They were just talking among them three. Well, there was also one more girl that joined at some point. And i was thrown away like a piece of trash. They were always walking down the hallways together while i walked behind them like a loser. They always sat together, leaving me alone. But when i ignored them, of course there was a problem.

I cut off all contact with them after we finished school. Because i was sure i'm going to find more real friends in high school.

A bit before that.. like, exactly 31st of december, 2022 somebody texted me (i had a Gojo pfp on fb and his name was Sukuna) and we started talking. In a really short period of time we became good friends. But with time, he started being dry. He barely texted me, until he completely cut me off, not responding to my messages at all.

One of the most hurtful situations, which literally made me cry, was when i agreed to give my friend my phone. To text him. She was texting him (as me) some sexual kind of stuff (idk we often did that, also in rp) and after i told him it was her, he said something like "could you give me her fb? She seemed cool".

In the end i think he sensed i wasn't really happy with what he said, so he gave up, but it was already there, right?

Well, high school. I was so nervous, because i was afraid of talking with people. And during my first lesson, i talked with a girl. She seemed so genuinely nice, and i felt relieved that i was somehow able to talk with her. After that, she introduced me to her friend. I was sad, because i thought that i won't have a chance to befriend her, since she already has a friend. But as time went on we started talking more and more, and they kind of separated. And she was MY friend. Well, SHE IS my friend. The best, most perfect one i could've ever got. Because that's my @beeksana !!!!

At the end of grade 1, some people from the class started being petty towards me for no reason. Then there was a tiny drama in class (not about me but i helped one of the girls there) and well, summer holidays. When we came back in september, it was a nightmare.

I was alone. Totally alone, and didn't talk to anybody. I skipped school a lot because i couldn't handle being there. Then i was absent a lot because of the winter conditions, and i missed a lot of exams. I csme back to school later though. And i had so much things piled up, i was so fucking scared. I knew it was partly my fault, but i just couldn't handle it. I skipped school again, but for a few weeks until they called my mom to school.

And during that period, i talked with my other "friend" and my cousin. The friend was a class higher than me, and i knew her from primary school. I introduced her to my cousin and they befriended each other too. But the friend has TONS of other friends. And she drinks alcohol on any occassion she gets. I never liked that.

Well, while i talked to them, instead of giving me any support, they started scolding me. Or rather my cousin was scolding me and the friend agreed like the fucking npc she is. They thought i skipped school because i was fucking lazy?? They didn't think at all how i felt mentally, especially with the hell i have at home. I told them to go fuck themselves and left them. And you know what?? I don't feel like i lost something valuable. I don't miss them. If somebody doesn't support you, then fuck them!!

And lately, i was bickering with one of my online friends which is on my kny rp group. She started calling Sanemi ugly or some shit, so i started insulting Douma (her fav character) and she got all petty. What was she fucking thinking?? She wasn't talking to me for some time anyways, and she expected me to not defend Sanemi, who comforted me more than she ever did, even though he doesn't exist???

I told her that "If Sanemi was real i'd have better chances with him than you'd do with Douma, because he strictly likes beautiful women." She got all angry, left all the groupchats, deleted my nick on our private chat and yeah. Left. And i don't think i feel any different too.

So now irl i have one person. And so what? One is better than 10 fucking liars. And so, really, you all - if somebody isn't being right with you, just leave them. You'll save yourself the trouble.

So yes Beebee, FUCK UBER 😈

[ilaiyayaya]

I Am So Mad rn frfr

I hate that my mental health always takes a massive drop around this time of the year. The worst part is like, it's not even like normal seasonal depression, I like fall and winter and like as soon as Christmas is done I'm fine again for the rest of the winter months. But god I fucking can't take having to see my family like once every week or 2 for a full 3 months from the start of October to the end of December because there's always either a holiday or one of their birthday's. At least I narrowly avoided one of the 2 worst days, Thanksgiving, because I had work as an excuse 🎉🎉🎉 unfortunately I don't have work on Christmas and because I avoided them for Thanksgiving I am going to be hearing shit over that on top of the normal things that make me want to die. I am actually at my fucking limit of dealing with these people, the last time I saw them I got extremely close to having a meltdown and fighting my uncle. If I hear a single fucking thing this time about my fucking hair, or my ear-piercing, or my job, or the way I fucking walk, or if one of them say I look like a [REDACTED] because of any of those things I'm gonna fucking lose it. I fucking hate my entire dad's side of my family and I can't fucking escape them in my current situation and yet my mom's side of my family is mostly great and I don't have a problem with a majority of them, unfortunately I haven't been able to talk to any of them in several years and trying to get in contact with any of them would give an easy way for my mother to find me which would potentially put my life in danger so yea that's cool.

At least after Christmas I'll be done with them for a while so just 1 more week and it'll all be over, and as long as I'm out of my father's house by this time next year, which there's no reason why I shouldn't be aside from my own incompetence (which is a really big obstacle, I can't do shit right), I won't have to see any of them ever again. Just 1 more week 1 more week only 1 more I can do it I'll live no more holidays after that I can survive 1 week surely I won't go on a psychotic rampage within that little amount of time.

AND last night someone I haven't talked to in like 6 months randomly messaged me on Discord minutes before I was about to go to sleep wanting to call, and I regrettably said sure. This was like 5 hours before I was supposed to go to work too and the entire like 2 hours he had me trapped in the call I was just desperately trying to find an excuse out (even tho I literally had a very valid excuse of having work the next morning) and of course I did not get a single moment of sleep afterwards because it was too late by the time I got out and was tired af the entire day (I have still not slept since then because I am very smart and take very good care of myself and always get sufficient sleep and I have work again in 6 hours).

The call itself was completely fucking miserable too, there is a reason I haven't talked to this person in 6 months and absolutely should not have agreed to talk but I suck and can't say no to anything ever. Immediately like 1 minute in they start telling me about how they think some girl at a bookstore they go to is flirting with them, which like, on it's own, if it was actually happening, like that's fine, whatever, cool, but then the snowball really starts when he mentions her age as "probably in her early 20s" (he's like, at least 35 (which again, normally I don't care, fine on it's own)), and I blanked out really fucking hard for 90% of that call so I don't even remember everything he said about her after that, but I do remember him progressively changing her age as he kept talking to "probably 20" then "at least 18" and then after that kinda implying but not outright stating that she's possibly not even 18. This entire time I was pretty much not saying a word except like "yea" and "uh-huh" and like other completely meaningless responses, so it just felt like he was having an internal debate with himself over whether he should try to go after this potentially underaged retail worker except instead of it being internal it was out loud, to me. What's fucking worse is the conclusion he came to was that like, he "doesn't really care about how others perceive him at this point" in reference to trying to hit on this probably underage retail worker. I feel really bad for that bookstore clerk she probably literally was just trying to do a job that she has to do and now this creep thinks she's into him. AAAAAAAAAA AND I'M THE FUCKING WORST BECAUSE THE ENTIRE TIME THE MOST I SAID WAS LIKE "yea I probably wouldn't do that, but like it's your life I can't stop you" INSTEAD OF TAKING A HARD STANCE AND JUST SAYING OUTRIGHT TO FUCK OFF AND DIE.

After they finally finished being the biggest creep I have had to talk to in months they just started talking about a bunch of random games they'd been playing, and they got really hung up on Baldur's Gate 3 specifically, they fuckin' hate it. I should preface this part with, I have mentioned to this person once in the past that I am nonbinary and trans and they were kinda weird about it then and I just didn't ever bring it up after that, but they still definitely knew unless they just forgot. So like, idk anything about Baldur's Gate, or D&D as a whole, but I've heard 3 is good, and so when he first brought it up I said "I haven't played it but I have literally only heard good things about it" big mistake, this instantly led to him listing off every issue he had with the game, specifically it's writing, and how much he hates that they added the ability to choose your pronouns because it's a classic fantasy game and pronoun choice doesn't make sense in a D&D-style fantasy world (even though I thought like the entire point of D&D was making your own character whatever the fuck you want it to be). He also really didn't like that you can be in a polyamorous relationship in 3 and brought up an example of like, some character in 2 would never be in a poly relationship, and if you chose them as your partner they would probably kill you if you tried going out with anyone else, but like, that character isn't in 3 as far as I'm aware, and also like, just because it wasn't in 2 doesn't mean they can't add it in 3, actually that was like the crux of most of his points he just really didn't like anything that was even slightly different than Baldur's Gate 2. Also side note but that character he brought up from 2 I do not remember the name of at all and every single time he brought her up he was like "surely you know her, you've definitely seen her there's tons of rule 34 of her" sorry but no I haven't seen the porn of a random character that I didn't even know existed and I don't know why you assume I have. Anyways now I have a reason to play Baldur's Gate 3 and never touch Baldur's Gate 1 or 2 entirely out of spite.

I don't know why the fuck he just randomly wanted to talk to me and have these specific fucking conversations with me of all people but now I've had to spend the last 20 hours thinking about how much that call pissed me off so that's fun. God I fucking wish I had some basic fucking social ability to tell someone to fuck off without worrying about, literally nothing, just completely nebulous anxiety, I had literally no reason not to just leave the call and tell him not to message me again as soon as he started being weird BECAUSE I DON'T ACTUALLY FUCKING GIVE A SHIT HOW SOMEONE WHO IS THAT MUCH OF A PIECE OF SHIT REACTS TO ME TELLING THEM TO SHUT UP WHY THE FUCK AM I LIKE THIS AAAAAAAAA I'M JUST FUCKING BLOCKING HIM NOW LIKE I SHOULD HAVE LAST NIGHT AAAAAAAAA. At least in this case I can just easily block him and be done with it, I'm not friends with anyone he knows anymore and I already hadn't been talking to him but like, ugh.

[themattress]

So, we have had three major stumbling blocks for Disney.

The first was John Lasseter being forced out in 2018 due to claims of sexual harassment. While I absolutely believe there was a problem with that (the man admitted as much), I do find myself torn on whether removing him was the right call given that no legal action was ever involved, which leaves reasonable doubt as to whether the problem was big enough to warrant such an extreme solution. Couldn't he at least have been allowed to train a proper successor first? It didn't matter so much with the projects in 2019 - 2021 that he already had a hand in developing, but now his absence is starting to be felt on both the Disney side of things and the Pixar side (ex: would Lightyear have even happened had he still be around?)

The second was the absolute shit-show that was Bob Iger leaving, Bob Chapek taking his place, Chapek fucking up so badly that Iger had to oust him and be reinstated, and then Iger fucking up given how disorienting the whole situation naturally is for him. Disney has always been at its best when there was steady leadership, and clearly it doesn't have that right now.

And the third was just the natural, political and business upheavals that the world has gone through since 2020. Big corporations like Disney were woefully ill-prepared to handle it, and are still desperately struggling to adapt, with this year's worker strikes being the latest case.

In any case, what have I loved after 2019, perhaps Disney's biggest year ever? Well...

Soul Raya and the Last Dragon Encanto Luca Turning Red Wandavision Loki What If…? Hawkeye Ms. Marvel Werewolf By Night The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special Black Widow Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings Spider-Man: No Way Home Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness Black Panther: Wakanda Forever Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 Obi-Wan Kenobi Andor The Wonderful World of Mickey Mouse The Quest The Santa Clauses Goosebumps Mirrorverse Dreamlight Valley Once Upon a Studio (and probably Wish)

So, a good amount of stuff! The problem is that there has been just as much, if not more, stuff that I either am highly torn on (which I will mark with a *) or that I flat-out don't like, such as....

Onward* Mulan Cruella* Jungle Cruise Phineas and Ferb: Candace Against the Universe* Secret Society of Second-Born Royals Godmothered Home Sweet Home Alone Chip n' Dale Rescue Rangers* Lightyear* Pinocchio Hocus Pocus 2 Disenchanted* Strange World Willow Peter Pan & Wendy* The Little Mermaid Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny Elemental* Haunted Mansion The Bad Batch The Book of Boba Fett* The Mandalorian: Season 3 Ahsoka* Eternals Thor: Love and Thunder Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantomania The Marvels The Falcon and the Winter Soldier* Moon Knight* She-Hulk: Attorney at Law* Secret Invasion

With more to come that also doesn't sound appealing to me.

And this goes against what I said in the OP:

It doesn’t have to be a case of quality over quantity, both can co-exist: if there is quality to the work, then the quantity of the company’s power is justified. 

If Disney can't ensure that good quality far outweighs the bad in what it puts out, then it needs to slow the fuck down and reassess itself. I really hope that Iger's next successor can do this, because if not then Disney will stay on the fast track toward yet another dark age.

Unpopular Opinion Re:Disney

Under Bob Iger, Disney has become a more powerful mega-corporation than ever, beyond what was thought humanly possible. Not only has it increased the quality of its own output, but it’s got Pixar, it’s got Marvel, it’s got Star Wars, it’s got Fox, it’s constantly making a killing at the box office, it’s getting its own streaming service to rival Netflix…it’s honestly terrifying!

And I want them to keep at it!

Look, I’m no corporate expert - all I know is that no matter how huge a corporation might grow, if it produces satisfactory products that feel like I’m paying for something worthwhile, then I’m totally fine with it. It doesn’t have to be a case of quality over quantity, both can co-exist: if there is quality to the work, then the quantity of the company’s power is justified. 

And I am REALLY loving most of Disney’s output over the past decade. They’ve given us:

The Marvel Cinematic Universe Bolt Wall-E Phineas and Ferb Up The Princess & The Frog Toy Story 3 Tangled Epic Mickey Winnie the Pooh The Muppets Brave Gravity Falls Wreck-It Ralph Wander Over Yonder Sofia the First Disney Infinity Frozen Star Wars Rebels Big Hero 6 Inside Out Star VS. The Forces of Evil The Lion Guard New Star Wars movies Zootopia The Jungle Book Finding Dory Elena of Avalor Moana Tangled: The Series Big Hero 6: The Series DuckTales Coco The Incredibles 2 Christopher Robin Ralph Breaks the Internet

And with much more still to come!

Not everything has been great, of course (ex: The Jungle Book remains the only live-action remake of an animated film that is actually worth anything, IMO) but the good far outweighs the bad. Disney is providing me with exactly what it’s supposed to - entertainment. And if the company growing bigger means it can keep doing so at this level of quality, then so be it.

[allthefakepeople]

Thank you for fulfilling my prompt 💕. Please don't apologize for taking a few days. I can only agree with the last anon. I love everything you have written, thus far and you did brilliantly with my prompt. I especially love this line:

"He’s gone and I’m what’s left. And I’m right here."

I think it is unbearably sad that Wille percieves himself as only the 'spare' and is to a large extent also treated as such. Because I clearly only want someone to take proper care of him, how about "Thank you, mama" as a new prompt. And you decide whether he says it to Kristina, Malin, Linda or even Simon. And how he says it fond, grateful, jokingly...

ok ok ok a few things. one i'm so so sorry this took so long to get out. i just got a little busy but today i was suddenly hit with this storyline and had to write it down. to say sorry i'm pretty sure this is one of my longest prompts haha. i hope it's okay that i combined these prompts i just thought they would work well together. it's definitely pretty fluffy but there is also for sure some hurt/comfort and some minor angst. @eyeofthedrgn i'm so so glad that you've enjoyed all my others.

also i have to admit part of this one was slightly influenced by a scene from the show teen wolf in which stiles calls melissa mom (if you've seen the show, if not then ignore this part of the message)

anywhoooo i hope you all like this one and that you haven't gotten sick of my writing yet haha

-Miels💜✨

Writing Prompts (yes i am still accepting them, though again it might take a bit to get to them)

“Thanks Mama”/“Don’t worry, I’m staying right here,”

Wille doesn’t think he’s ever felt this sick and out of it in his life. To be completely fair, he probably could’ve gotten a handle on this before it got this bad, but his mother had hammered the point into his head that “the Crown Prince should  never appear weak” so what had started as a minor cold had become… hell. It had become hell. His head was fuzzy, he was sure he had a fever, he had chills but was also burning up, his throat felt like he’d just taken up sword swallowing and he wasn’t very good at it. In short, Wille felt like shit. He knows he probably looks like shit too. He curses his past self for not taking it easy and resting but with all the new responsibilities of crown prince and returning to Hillerska after Christmas, with all the stares and whispers and Simon, he instead thought he could just push through it when it was just a runny nose. Fat chance of good that did him now. Deep down, a part of him wondered if he let it get this bad on purpose as a punishment for his behavior before Christmas. He tried to push those thoughts away knowing they wouldn’t do him any good right now. Plus, in a wild turn of events, Wille and Simon had somehow developed a tentative friendship since Wille’s been back. 

When he initially returned to school his first mission was to find Simon and, even if he pushed him away, tell him that August was the one who had posted the dreaded video. He had been almost eaten alive by the guilt over the holidays over not telling Simon on that last day before break but he had just wanted to give Simon the chance to have, at least somewhat of a, joyus holiday. He knew it was pretty unlikely that he hadn’t managed to completely  fuck up Simon’s chance at a happy winter break with all of his drama, but he still hoped it was the case anyways. It was part of the reason he didn’t text Simon the information either, although part of the reason for that was the minor fear that Simon had blocked him and wouldn’t get the message anyways. He knew this was something that had to be done in person, so even if Simon didn’t ever want to talk again after, he was determined to let Simon know who had ruined them beyond recognition. 

He knew the conversation was not going to go well when he’d finally approached Simon on their first day back, looking as beautiful as ever though a twinge went through Wille at the dark circles under Simon’s eyes that hinted at restless nights, and Simon had immediately turned away from him. 

“Wille, please. I can’t do this today. Not yet at least,” Simon practically pleads. Wille hates himself even more for having to push past this boundary that Simon is clearly trying to set, but this is important. 

“I understand you don’t want to speak with me Simon. But this is really important.,” Simon still had his face buried in his locker looking for a nonexistent book, his shoulders had become even more tense the longer Wille stood there. “Look, you don’t have to ever talk to me again after this if you don’t want to. But Simon, please.” He noticed Simon’s eyes flick to him when the word please, softened like butter, had flown out of Wille’s mouth. Wille lowered his voice even more and cast his eyes around. Luckily the hallways were practically empty. “It’s about the video,” That got Simon’s attention. His face snapped. Simon’s eyes darted across Wille’s face, clearly searching for some sort of answer to what this could be, before settling on Wille’s eyes. Wille put all the emotion he could into making his expression as open and vulnerable as possible. Simon let out a big sigh, Wille tried to bite back a small smile knowing that he had him, before nodding slowly. 

“Fine,” Simon then gestured to the open door of the empty music room a few paces down. As Wille led Simon into the room and closed the door, the feeling of deja vu wrapped around him and squeezed at his chest. The last time they had been in here, Wille had never felt more helpless around Simon before. He was feeling that right then. Wille brought his hand up to his lips and bite at his nail but quickly pulled it away again, knowing that Simon’s eyes were on him. Wille’s were on the floor, not quite able to look Simon in the face when he explained who had ruined Simon’s life… Well apart from him of course. It was quiet between them for a few moments as Wille tried to organize his thoughts and Simon, who had always been more patient with him than he ever deserved, let him. However the silence started to stretch and bend, but not yet break, as Wille’s mind raced from how to tell Simon this into… Should he tell Simon this. Especially when he doesn’t have a plan on how to fix it. Eventually it seemed like Simon gave up on waiting for Wille.

“Well? What do you have to tell me,” Wille’s eyes darted up to meet Simon’s quickly, where Wille himself actually entered the room Simon had stayed right at the door probably so he could make a quick exit if things went south, before darting away. Simon sighed again, though this time Wille could tell he was getting frustrated. 

“Wille please. I don’t have time for this.” Simon sounded so defeated and lost that it brought Wille’s eyes back to his. Wille realized he couldn’t drag this out any further. Simon deserved to know even if it didn’t change anything. 

“I know…” Wille started then stopped again, eyes still skittish. “I know who posted the video,” At Simon’s sharp inhale, Wille looked back at him. This time he didn’t let himself look away. Simon looked like he wasn’t sure if he should feel relieved or angry or anxious so he settled on an expression  that somehow conveyed all three.

“Well?” Simon insisted. Wille took a deep breath, both quelling his own anxiety as well as his rising anger at the information he had. 

“It was August,” At the expression on Simon’s face over this, Wille almost wished he could take it all back. Simon looked resigned, angry, heartbroken, but also like he should’ve seen this coming.

“August…” Simon scoffed. “Of course it was August. Who else could it have been?” Wille stayed silent as he let Simon work through his emotions. Something seemed to occur to him.

“Wait… How long have you known about this?” Wille was dreading this question. He looked away, and hugged himself with his arms trying for some comfort but being unsuccessful.

“Felice figured it out right before break and told me,” Simon scoffed again, Wille flinched at it being directed at him.

“Before break… and you didn’t think to tell me when you first found out?” Simon’s voice rose slightly. Wille kept his gaze firmly on the floor now, not wanting Simon to see the tears steadily building up at the corner of his eyes. 

“I.. I just…” Wille started out stuttering. “I just wanted you to have a nice holiday. I didn’t want out last conversation to be about that,” Simon let out a harsh laugh at that.

“That wasn’t your choice to make Wille. I deserved to know,” Wille nodded at Simon’s words. He knew he had fucked up. He always just seemed to keep fucking up around Simon. 

“I know. And I’m sorry. It’s why I wanted to tell you as soon as I could after coming back.” Wille looked back up at this, Simon still looked disappointed before something seemed to occur to him. 

“But… wait. If you knew it was August, I’m positive you would’ve mentioned something to your mother.” They were getting to the part of this that Wille hated even more. “So why the fuck do I still see him wandering the halls of Hillerska?” 

“My mom…” Wille stopped to get a hold of himself. “My mother appears to have already known… before I had even made the statement,” At this Simon’s mouth dropped open. “She says the reason she didn’t tell me is she knew I’d ‘react like this’ whatever that means. Nothing is going to happen to him because she’s protecting him. But Simon,” He takes a tentative step towards where Simon is still stationed at the door looking ready to bolt. “ You have to know that if I knew who had posted the video or knew that she had known before I made my statement, I never would’ve made it,” This didn’t seem to be the right thing to say. Simon’s face darkened at the mention of the video.

“I… I don’t know if that makes it any better Wille,” Simon’s voice cracks at the same time as Wille’s heart. Wille nods.

“I understand.” They briefly stood together in their grief. Wille could feel the panic and sadness rising in him again. While he knew this conversation wasn’t going to fix anything, he had hoped they’d at least come out of it less broken. He wanted to be out of this room. He knew it probably made him a coward to want to run from this but he’d never claimed to be brave. He also didn’t want Simon to witness just how broken this all had left him. “That was all I had to say. Now if you want, you never have to speak to me again,” Wille’s voice hitched at the thought of him and Simon going through the rest of Hillerska, practically strangers who somehow knew just how the other person liked to be kissed, tears now making their way down Wille’s cheeks. He squeezed his arms even harder around himself, though it did little to help.

“Wille,” Simon’s voice was soft but broken. Wille interrupted not being able to handle that tone of voice. “Honestly, it’s okay Simon. You wanted space and I’ll give you as much space as you want for as long as you need. I’m sorry I pushed you to talk even now.” At his next words he made sure to look Simon in his eyes even though it broke him in two. “You deserve for everything to be on your terms now.” That seemed to break something in Simon, because tears were now running down his cheeks as he tried to keep them at bay. Wille couldn’t help himself. He walked right up to Simon and hugged him just like he’d wanted to since he’d let go of him before the break. Wille melted into Simon and his familiar smell and his familiar warmth. Simon held on just as tight, hiding his face in Wille’s neck. Wille could feel where his shirt was getting wet with Simon’s tears but there would’ve had to be a natural disaster going on outside for him to have pulled away. They cried against each other for what could have been hours or minutes or years or seconds. Wille knew they’d missed part of a class at least. Eventually Wille slowly started to pull back. He felt his heart clench at the small whimper that managed to escape Simon’s lips before they clamped down. Wille brought his hands from around Simon’s shoulders up to his face, where he gently brushed Simon’s tears away with his thumbs. Wille noticed Simon shiver at the soft touch. In a quiet voice, looking Simon in the eyes, Wille mumbled

“I’m serious, Simon. You don’t owe me anything. You can’t take all the time you want. I won’t force anything from you after this,” Simon’s eyes bore into his, so beautiful and so broken. Wille slowly brought his lips down and brushed them against Simon’s cheek, who closed his eyes and let out a breath at the soft touch. “Just don’t give up on me yet,” Wille whispered against Simon’s ear before slowly pulling all the way back, so they were only connected by a single joined hand. Simon looked him in the eye and opened his mouth. Wille braced himself.

“I could never,” Wille squeezed Simon’s hand and offered him a small but genuine smile that Simon just barely returned. Then Simon nodded once and opened the door. Wille let him. 

That whole conversation felt like a lifetime ago, but since then Wille and Simon had slowly but surely built back up to a friendship. Neither were ready to cross the line into something more yet, but they could both confidently say the other was their best friend. If they sometimes clung to each other a little longer than necessary or Simon caught Wille’s eyes on him lingering longer than strictly friendly, well they didn’t mention it. 

Either way, the second Wille had woken up on this day feeling like death warmed over, all he wanted was to go to Simon’s. A few weeks after Simon and Wille had started up their tentative friendship again, Simon had invited Wille to come over and, although he had originally protested worried that Linda hated him, Wille couldn’t deny the opportunity to spend time with Simon. It also seemed like his worries were for naught because the second he stepped into Simon’s house again, he was being pulled into a warmed, loving embrace by Linda. He melted into it completely and almost missed Simon’s unbearably fond expression at the scene in front of him. So yes, he wanted to spend time with Simon, who was slightly exasperated with him for not taking better care of himself, but what’s more is he wanted to spend time in Linda’s warm company. His own mother had never known how to deal with a sick Wille (or a sick anyone for that matter) so he’d never experienced the loving way Linda cares for her children when they’re even slightly under the weather. He knew for a fact that Simon wouldn’t even be home yet, since he had choir practice and Sara had riding, but Linda had always said that Wille was welcome anytime and right now, Wille was having a hard time resisting that pull. 

He doesn’t even know how he managed it, but somehow he found himself in front of the Erikkson’s door. He was knocking before he’d meant to and then the door was opening and Linda’s angelic face was on the other side. Wille’s pretty sure he even caught sight of a halo over her head but that could very well have been a hallucination from having a fever of 102. 

“Wille!” See, this is why Wille came here. No one was ever this excited to see Wille. 

“Hi Linda,” Wille attempted a smile but it probably came across as a grimace. He’s not sure how Linda didn’t immediately catch on to how awful he felt considering how awful he must look, but Linda had always been too polite for her own good. However she did let Wille come into the house, Wille vaguely noticed that Malin was hovering just slightly behind him. Huh, I guess that’s how I got here. Linda turned to him once he’d entered.

“I’m afraid Simon isn’t here,” Linda looked sincerely apologetic.

“Oh yes… I know that already,” Wille was pretty sure he was going to start swaying pretty soon. He caught on to the slightly confused expression on Linda’s face.

“Sara isn’t here either,” Now Wille was starting to feel a little sheepish at coming here.

“No, I know that too.” Linda studied him for a few more moments and then seemed to actually clock in to the fact that something was wrong.

“Wille, are you okay?” Wille tried to nod his head rapidly but that just made him dizzy and he put his hand out against the wall. 

“Umm. Not really,” Wille tried to look directly at Linda who now looked sincerely worried. 

“Do you need me to call Simon?” Wille panicked at the idea of Linda worrying Simon over something like this.

“No no. I just… ummm I haven’t been feeling too well today and… I just wanted to be somewhere that makes me feel safe… and that’s… well here but also I kinda wanted to be around you since I know you take care of Simon and Sara when they’re feeling sick and I…” Wille could tell he was just gearing up before suddenly he was pulled into some loving arms. He melted into it immediately, feeling the motherly glow of Linda. Even though Linda was significantly shorter than Wille now, he felt just like a kid again in her arms, burying his face in her neck.

“Of course I can take care of you. You shouldn’t even have to ask,” Linda whispered into Wille’s ear. Wille nodded before seeming to realize this close contact wasn’t the best idea. Hating himself slightly for it, he pulled gently out of Linda’s arms, who rubbed her hands down his arms comfortingly. 

“I shouldn’t be hugging you. I don’t want to get you sick too,” Linda waved her hand at this.

“I don’t get sick. Don’t even worry about it,” Then before Wille could protest, Linda’s hand was reaching up to his forehead.

“You sure are burning up though, how would you feel about laying down. I’m sure Simon wouldn’t mind you borrowing his bed for a few hours,” Wille felt entirely too weak to resist the idea of sleeping in a bed surrounded by the smell of Simon so he just nodded, leaning heavily into Linda. She easily took his weight and led him down the hallway into, what Wille knew to be, Simon’s bedroom. 

“Give me one moment Wille,” Linda had Wille lean up against Simon’s desk as she pulled back Simon’s covers and grabbed a pair of pajama bottoms from Simon’s drawers. It didn’t take too long and before he knew it, Linda was sticking her hand out for Wille to take, which he happily did, and led him to the bed. She had him sit down first.

“Do you want to change into something a little more comfortable?” Wille nodded sleepy at those words, before slipping his own shirt off and taking the pants from her. He knew that when he was more aware of it, he would be embarrassed about stripping in front of Linda, but right now he couldn’t be bothered to care about that. Once he was changed, Linda gently helped him lay back in bed. He melted into the pillow and the surrounding smell of Simon before he felt the covers being brought up around him. His eyes fluttered as he felt a gentle hand against his forehead and a whispered

“Sleep now, Wille,” He felt so safe and so comfortable and he was quickly slipping into dreamland but he let one thing slip before he did.

“Thanks Mama,” He didn’t hear a response as he was dragged under. 

                              —--------------💜💜💜—----------------

Meanwhile Simon was slightly panicking. He hadn’t heard from Wille all day, nor had he really seen him. When he had seen Wille, Wille had seemed so out of it he hadn’t even noticed Simon was there. Simon was worried. He knew Wille hadn’t been feeling great all week, had been pushing him to rest, but Wille had been stubborn. Simon had texted Wille a few times to no response, which was already strange because Wille almost always responded. Simon saw a text from Linda pop up at the top of his screen as he refreshed his messages with Wille hoping for some form of response, but he brushed her message away, pretty sure it was about dinner or something. Then Simon had been called into Choir practice and had been able to distract himself for a little while even if Felice had made his worries flare up again by saying she also hadn’t seen or heard from Wille for most of the day. Simon ignored the face Felice made over Simon’s clear distress for Wille. Simon would have felt this way if any of his friends had gone off the raider. I mean, yeah he was pretty sure he was in love with Wille and had been since Wille had said it to him all those months ago, but that doesn’t change the fact that he would do this for any of his friends. 

When he finally left choir practice Simon pulled out his phone but he still didn’t have any messages from Wille. He decided to check Wille’s room once more to make sure Wille wasn’t just hiding away for whatever reason. When he got to Wille’s he was almost immediately sure that Wille wasn’t there because Malin wasn’t stationed outside but he knocked anyway. Not getting a response, Simon yet again started to panic. Pretty soon, Sara would be getting annoyed for having to wait for him so slowly Simon made his way to the stables, thinking maybe just maybe Wille might be there. 

He didn’t find Wille, just a frustrated Sara who he apologized to profusely. He quickly explained why he’d been late and she softened slightly at that.

“Maybe text Mama and see if she knows anything,” Simon thought about that for a moment and realized it couldn’t hurt. He also remembered the message she had sent before choir practice and felt guilty over having ignored it for so long. However a completely different emotion filled up Simon when he actually read her message.

Hi Mi amor. Just letting you know that if you’re looking 

for your boy, he’s resting here. He looked pretty worn 

out and seemed to need a place to crash. ❤️

Simon let out a breath of relief at knowing Wille was safe and then a whole new emotion filled him when he realized that Wille had gone to his house, knowing Simon wasn’t there, because he needed comfort from Simon’s mother. If Simon thought about it too long he might just burst into tears.

Gracias mama I was getting worried

when I couldn’t find him. How is he?

He seemed pretty out of it but he’s sleeping and

hasn’t woken up so I’m letting him rest.

I think he’d probably appreciate it if you

were here when he wakes up

Yeah Sara and I are on our way back now

Now that Simon knew where Wille was, he couldn’t get home fast enough. Sara seemed to notice his change in emotion because she didn’t comment, just let Simon drag her to the bus. By the time the siblings got back to their house, Simon practically broke the door down in his haste to open it.

“Jesus, Simon. He’s not going to disappear,” Sara teased. Simon just huffed and walked through the door. Immediately heading for his mom.

“How is he?” He knew he still sounded slightly panicked but Linda didn’t comment on it. 

“He’s fine, Mi amor. He’s still resting. I was about to bring this soup in for when he woke up but why don’t you bring it up for him.” Simon nodded and took the tray from Linda. He gently opened his bedroom door, setting the tray down on the washer across the way as he softly closed the door again, before grabbing the tray again and bringing it into his room. He couldn’t help but melt slightly at the sight of Wille curled up in his sheets. He quietly walked over to his desk, placing the tray on it before he was surprised by a sound behind him.

“Simme?” Simon’s heart jumped, both at the surprise of hearing Wille’s voice and at the nickname. When Simon turned around, Wille’s eyes were hazy but open, settled gently on him. He kept his own voice quiet when he responded.

“Hi Wille. I brought some soup if you want some,” Instead of answering that, Wille stuck his hand out and Simon couldn’t do anything but take said hand. He gently brushed Wille’s hair off his face as he looked down at the boy in front of him. He felt like he was filled with molten lava over the feelings that were rushing through him.

“Come down here,” Wille gently tugged at Simon’s hand. Simon nodded but released Wille’s hand anyways. Wille let out a sound like a whimper that Simon quickly squashed, bringing his hands through Wille’s hair again.

“I’ll join you in a moment. I’m just going to change into something more comfortable.,” That seemed to placate Wille for now because he let him go and Simon, as quickly as possible, changed into some pajama pants and a shirt. He would brush his teeth later. He slipped back over to where Wille was, who opened his eyes again when he sensed Simon coming closer. Wille grabbed Simon’s hand and tugged again.

“Okay okay Wille,” Simon chuckled lightly. He then climbed over Wille into the small bed behind him. Simon then wrapped his arms around Wille from behind, who seemed to melt into the touch immediately. Simon knew this wasn’t strictly friendly but he didn’t really care at the moment. Not when he had Wille in his arms again. 

“Will you stay with me Simon?” Wille’s voice was barely a whisper and heavy with sleep and raspy from his, what Simon had to guess, sore throat, but Simon heard it just the same. He briefly tightened his arms around Wille before responding.

“Don’t worry, I’m staying right here,” That seemed to be enough for Wille because he nodded, probably more to himself than to Simon, then he sighed. 

“Thank you.” Simon thought that that was going to be it, but as sleep pulled Wille under he uttered one more thing. “Love you, Simme,” Simon freezed. It’s not like this was new information. Even though he hadn’t said it since, Simon knew Wille had loved him since well before Christmas. However, Wille had been very careful with Simon’s boundaries since. He made sure that Simon was comfortable with everything and always made sure Simon knew that he could take moments to himself if things got to be too much, even if they were only friends. It doesn’t change the fact that hearing those words again from Wille, despite it probably being a byproduct of being sick, filled Simon with a feeling that he could only describe as pure, unadulterated relief and joy. 

He waited a few moments to hear Wille’s deepened breathing, making sure Wille was asleep, before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on Wille’s forehead.

“I love you too, Wille,” Even though Wille couldn’t hear him, Simon still felt insanely happy over being able to voice those three words to Wille. 

He knew that in the morning, if Wille was feeling better and up to it, they would have to have a talk about this and even though Simon was pretty sure he was going to catch whatever Wille had, Simon stayed wrapped up in Wille. He wasn’t going anywhere.

[likeastarstar]

6:03 PM- Namjoon

(A/N: for the anon who asked for a Haru Haru song based drabble! I hope you like it! I'm sorry it took awhile for me to write. Feedback is appreciated!)

You broke up with him last December.

Now, you weren't sure why exactly. It seemed stupid, all of the arguments you had. Back then, you stacked them up into a tall tower as reason to end things but now you're starting to realize that weaponizing every discussion against Namjoon instead of using them to strengthen the two of you was just... dumb.

It was so stupid.

His face when you ended things was still so vivid- the confusion in his eyes, turning to disappointment under a second. The way his shoulders dropped when you said the words 'breaking up', the hands holding yours letting go instantly. He didn't say much, didn't put up much of a fight. At the time you thought that was a sign that you were right in ending things but now you realized you had spent so long pushing him away, he probably realized there was nothing he could say to change your mind.

If you could go back, you'd change a few things. But that was then and here you were... now.

You were standing in a park filled with happy people wondering if they could tell how sad you were, staring at the Christmas tree you had just watched light up. It was an annual tradition, coming to this very spot and watching the lights turn on. You used to really love it, the cold winter air a good excuse to hold onto Namjoon tighter, strong arms looped around your shivering form. You had actually met here, when he almost crashed into you on his bike one day. He apologized a million times but you always gave him shit for it, insisting that he was a terrible bike rider.

Maybe you should've forgiven him for that too.

It seemed like December came too early this year, a whole year without Joon and you still felt the same. Empty- lost. You felt your personality disintegrating by the second. Happiness felt a million miles away and it didn't seem right that the rest of the world was singing about holiday cheer. People around you hugged and kissed each other, laughing in the carefree sort of way as if you weren't standing right there, lonely. It's December again and no one seemed to ask if you were ready.

You turned a fraction of an inch and regretted it instantly- he looked different. A year had changed him, for the better. His hair looked shorter, he had always talked about cutting it but never went through with it because you liked running your hands through it. Namjoon had been working out, you could tell even through his thick winter jacket. You didn't recognize any of the clothing he was wearing, which was strange because at one point in time, all of his thing had been picked out by you and smelt of your perfume. You barely recognized him now, either him nor the girl standing next to him.

He had made so many improvements, you wondered if the girl standing beside him was an improvement too. She was shorter than you but had better hair, cropped short and tucked behind her ears carelessly. You couldn't stare at her for that long, it was burning your eyes.

He held her the way you figured he used to hold you and tried to picture yourself in her place, only succeeding in making yourself slightly nauseous. You stumbled away, hoping to get as far away as possible. You got halfway home before your mind had started spinning completely- was that really him? Was your mind playing tricks on you? Who was that girl?

It could've been all in your head, maybe you had finally lost your mind. But the lump in your throat was definitely real, and the way your heart was aching couldn't be ignored.

Your phone was pressed to your ear with the dial tone ringing in your ear before you knew what you were doing- you had to have punched his number in by memory since you deleted his contact in your phone ages ago. He didn't pick up, obviously. Who would answer a call from their ex-girlfriend while on a date?

The voicemail tone rang out and you heard a noise escape you, wondering if you really sounded that pitchy all the time or if it was his effect on you.

"Hi," You began slowly, unsure of what you were planning on saying to begin with. "I think I just saw you, in the park. I didn't say hi."

You stopped walking, staring ahead blankly. He didn't deserve this, you begging for his forgiveness so long after the fact. He didn't deserve how you treated him before, not then, not now.

"I shouldn't have said hi. I'm glad I didn't." You admitted. "You don't have to respond to this- I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I was awful, to you. You were perfectly nice and I was just...I blamed you for things you didn't do and I never apologized so I'm apologizing. I'm sorry."

You should tell him you still love him.

You opened your mouth, the word love forming on your tongue when the tone rang and it was over. Message sent.

Maybe that was a good thing.

You stared at your phone screen as it went black, the call ending automatically and you felt light. It hurt, sure- you still loved him, sure. But, somehow, you felt better. You could live with this weight, a burden lessened now that you had apologized for how you treated him. You could live with this version of the pain, knowing you at least apologized. You could get through it, you just had to take it day by day.

masterlist.

[a-second-hand-sorrow]

‘Tis The Damn Season (Roy Kent x Reader)

WC: 3195

Warnings: Heavy swearing (it’s Roy, come on), Sadness, Taylor Swift lyrics (I snuck in a little Taylor reference so I wanna see if someone picks up on it)

Summary: Y/N is home for the holidays and runs into her old flame, Roy Kent. What could possibly go wrong?

A/N: Dude I cannot tell you how intense this is gonna be lmao. I’m sorry in advance for the sadness but this song is very bittersweet so it makes sense. I hope you guys enjoy, and hopefully I can write something happier for Roy in the future

If I wanted to know who you were hanging with while I was gone I would have asked you. It's the kind of cold, fogs up windshield glass, but I felt it when I passed you. There's an ache in you put there by the ache in me. But if it's all the same to you, it's the same to me

December 22nd, 2020

It was almost eerie coming back home after being away. Y/N knew the bitter cold of an English winter all too well, but it had been so long since she last felt one that it caught her thoroughly off guard. What caught her off guard even more was coming face to face with Roy.

“Y/N?” His voice was certainly deeper than she remembered it being, and she couldn’t tell if the shiver that passed over her was from him or the cold.

“Holy shit. Roy?” Y/N asked in return, turning around to get a better look at him. He had really aged into his looks. Not that he wasn’t gorgeous when they were younger, but time had certainly done him well. Y/N felt her face flush and tried to banish those thoughts from her head. She approached him slowly, stopping a foot or two in front of him.

“What the fuck are you doing here? I thought you were over living the dream in America?” Roy asked abruptly, earning a small chuckle from Y/N. She did always love his bluntness, a trait that none of her friends in LA seemed to share.

“Well mum and dad decided they were putting their feet down and asked me to come home for Christmas. They said they missed having me around and I’ve been dying for a proper white Christmas ever since I left to be honest.” Y/N said, pulling her coat around her tighter as the wind picked up. There was a slight lull in the conversation, and for once Y/N found herself not feeling the need to fill it with unnecessary chatter. It was comfortable, like it always was with Roy.

“If it’s any consolation, Christmases have always felt a bit different since you fucked off across the pond. Good to hear it’s not just me who’s noticed it.” Roy said, his voice softening slightly. Y/N felt her heart skip a beat, her mind flashing back to the last Christmas she spent with Roy.

 25th December 2005

“I’m once again very sorry for my family. They always seem to really get into the festive spirit, a little too much if you ask me.” Y/N said, resting her head against Roy’s chest. He chuckled, the vibrations from it calming Y/N down a little.

The pair of them were lying in Y/N’s childhood bed, which was far too small for them but was the only room in the house free for them. It was exactly as Y/N had left it before she moved out to live with her uni friends, and Roy had already ridiculed her relentlessly for all the dated posters stuffed animals. Despite her initial embarrassment at the state of her room, Y/N’s unease melted away quickly.  She always felt so at home with Roy.

“Babe, they were fine honestly. I don’t know why you get so freaked out.” Roy mused, throwing his arm around Y/N’s shoulders, pulling her closer to him.

“I care about you a lot, and I care about them a lot. So I guess I just really want you to like them and vice versa, because you mean a lot to me.” Y/N muttered, deliberately keeping her gaze away from Roy’s.

Roy sighed, moving his hand to Y/N’s chin, tipping it up so her eyes met his. “You know I love you so fucking much, right?” He said, the pure love in his eyes almost stopping Y/N’s heart. She nodded, smiling widely at her boyfriend before kissing him softly.

Y/N could feel Roy smile into the kiss, and they slowly pulled apart, resting their foreheads together. “I’m gonna miss this when I’m away. I’m gonna miss you.” Y/N said, not daring to raise her voice above a whisper.

“You’ll only be a few hours away. That’s fucking nothing, babe.” Roy said, his breath tickling Y/N’s face.

“You know you’re the world’s best boyfriend, right?” Y/N said, relishing in the bright smile her comment got from Roy.

“I believe I do.” He said, humming in content as Y/N cuddled back up against his chest. He took in the surroundings, realising he’d never felt as peaceful as he did now.

“Merry Christmas, Roy.”

“Merry Christmas, Y/N.”

“Earth to Y/N, you alright?” Roy said, pulling Y/N out of her head and back into the real world.

“Oh yeah, I’m fine. Just not used to the cold. I’ve been desensitised being in LA for so long.” She said, giving a weak chuckle to try and sell her lie. Roy just nodded, a suspicious look on his face.

“So… how’ve you been?” He asked, and Y/N could tell he was trying to change the subject. She was definitely grateful.

“Yeah, I’ve been alright. I’ve got a job writing for James Corden’s show now so that’s been keeping me pretty busy. How about you? You still playing for Richmond?” Y/N asked, knowing full well that he was still with the club.

“Yeah, they made me captain recently which is exciting. That being said, it’s not like there was an outstanding bunch of guys to choose from. Still can’t believe I’m playing on the same team as Jamie fucking Tartt.” Roy grunted, eliciting a chuckle from Y/N.

Before he could say anything else, Y/N blurted something out that no one in their right mind should say to an ex so soon after seeing them again.

“Did you want to grab a drink?”

So we could call it even, you could call me babe for the weekend. 'Tis the damn season, write this down. I'm stayin' at my parents' house, and the road not taken looks real good now. And it always leads to you and my hometown

December 22nd, 2020

“God, I can’t believe that. The new gaffer has never coached football before?” Y/N exclaimed, her eyes wide as Roy nodded, taking a long sip from his beer.

“I couldn’t fucking believe it when they told us, I thought it was a big joke from Rupert to celebrate his farewell. Clearly not.” Roy said, shaking his head in disbelief. Y/N smiled, taking a sip of her own drink. They’d come to the Crown and Anchor at Roy’s suggestion, and though he got the occasional photo or autograph request from some patrons, he told them all to fuck off, leaving the two to drink in peace.

“So how is it being captain? Is it like this massive extra weight on your already very weighed-down shoulders?” Y/N asked, and Roy just rolled his eyes, taking another drink from his glass.

“It’s just the same as normal except I get an armband during games, and I get more of an excuse to tell the team to get their act together when they’re being dickheads. It’s actually a pretty good post.” Roy said, feeling his stomach twist as Y/N laughed loudly at his comment.

“Sounds like a perfect fit for you Roy.” Y/N said, raising her glass in the air towards him in a kind of salute. Roy raised his glass in recognition, the two of them taking another drink.

There was a bit of a pause in their conversation before Roy took in a deep breath and opened his mouth. “Why did we break up?” He said, and Y/N froze. Her heart was hammering in her chest, and Roy took her silence as a cue to keep talking.

“I mean, I know the whole ‘you moving to LA’ thing fucked us up a bit but being back here with you now just makes me realise how fucking good we are together. I know this is probably the sappiest shit I’ve ever said, but I couldn’t get you out of my head. I kept thinking about you all the fucking time, and seeing you be all successful made me so happy because I knew you could do it, but then I realised I wasn’t there beside you and I was fucking devastated. If you don’t feel the same then we can forget this ever happened, but tell me you don’t feel this.” Roy said, his sudden burst of emotion taking Y/N by surprise. She looked at him, and her heart hurt to see the desperation in his eyes.

“Leaving you was the worst choice I ever made.”

December 23rd, 2020

Déjà vu kicked in as Y/N woke up in her childhood bed at her parent’s house, and as she rolled over, she was met by Roy’s sleeping form. Realising that neither of them had any clothes on did freak her out slightly, but she decided to just roll with it. As she looked over at Roy, she remembered how much she loved watching him sleep.

It always intrigued her seeing him be so peaceful when he was usually so intense all the time, and though there were a few more wrinkles around the edges of his face, it was the same face she loved back when she was a teenager. It was the same face, she realised, she never actually stopped loving.

She gently rested her head against his chest, the gentle beat of his heart nearly lulling her back to sleep. Being back in Roy’s arms felt so natural, and Y/N wondered how she spent so many years without him around. She never admitted it to anyone, but she got so lonely in LA. Everything was different from home, and though she needed to move to pursue her career, every day she wondered how different her life would have been if she’d stayed.

As Y/N was lost in thought, Roy stirred beneath her, groaning slightly. “What time is it babe?” Roy muttered, his voice hoarser than usual from sleep.

“7:30. Why?” Y/N replied instinctively, before freezing once she realised what just happened. He called her babe. The last time he called her that was over the phone the day she decided to end things.

“Too fucking early to be awake, that’s why.” Roy mumbled, kissing the top of Y/N’s head and tightening his grip on her. Y/N sighed, realising just how screwed she was.

“I’ve been thinking.” Y/N said, and Roy grunted in response, his eyes still shut in an effort to go back to sleep.

“I’ve realised that every big decision I’ve made since we met has circled back to you somehow.” Y/N said, her statement causing Roy to open his eyes.

“Same here. Life’s a funny thing innit, but it always leads me back to you.” Roy said, closing his eyes again as Y/N let his words sink in.

Yeah, she was fucked.

I parked my car right between the Methodist and the school that used to be ours. The holidays linger like bad perfume. You can run, but only so far. I escaped it too, remember how you watched me leave. But if it's okay with you, it's okay with me.

December 24th, 2020

“God I forgot how beautiful a Richmond Christmas is.” Y/N said, her arm linked with Roy’s as they walked down the central street.

“Speak for yourself, babe. Christmas is just everywhere, and don’t get me wrong, I love the spirit of giving and all that shit but once it hits October it’s like you can’t escape it.” Roy exclaimed, causing Y/N to chuckle.

“Grinch.” She muttered, sticking her tongue out at him cheekily. Roy huffed, pulling his arm in sharply, laughing at how Y/N stumbled.

“Oh you bastard, that was so uncalled for!” Y/N said, frowning as Roy laughed harder.

“So was you calling me a grinch.” He replied, shrugging his shoulders as they kept walking. As a Christmas Eve treat, Roy decided to take Y/N for a nostalgia walk back through Richmond to relive some of their greatest hits, so to speak.

“Holy shit, that old church is still there?” Y/N asked, stopping to marvel at the building. Roy nodded, turning to look at it as well.

“Yes, it is. Do you remember when your mum dragged us to a Christmas Eve service the first Christmas we were together and we got death glared by that old lady in front of us because we were getting a bit too handsy?” Roy said, and Y/N’s eyes widened before she cracked up laughing, nearly keeling over.

“Shit yeah I remember that. We were horny little goblins back then.” Y/N said, and Roy smirked, adjusting his position so he could kiss Y/N’s neck briefly.

“Who’s to say we still aren’t?” He whispered, taking great pleasure in the shiver that ran down Y/N’s back.

“Let’s continue the tour, Roy. I don’t want to be arrested for public indecency on Christmas Eve.” Y/N replied, her voice a tad uneven, much to Roy’s pleasure.

“If the lady insists.” He said, resuming their walk as Y/N took a few deep breaths.

The rest of the tour was wonderful, and Y/N had never laughed so much in one afternoon. They returned home to find her parents out doing last minute shopping, so Y/N put on the kettle.

Roy had settled down on the couch, trying desperately to remind himself that he wasn’t dreaming. Y/N was back, and she still loved him.

“Here you go. Earl grey with one sugar and a whole lot of milk.” Y/N said, passing him a hot mug of tea.

“You remembered how I take my tea?” Roy asked, almost astounded at the fact.

“Of course I did. I made you a lot of tea over a long time, that thing tends to stick.” Y/N said, chuckling as she sat down next to Roy.

She instinctively leaned into him, taking a sip from her tea as she took in his presence.

“Do you remember the day I left?” Y/N muttered, and she heard Roy grunt his response that she took to mean ‘yes.’

“Course I do. How could I forget? I was so proud of you for going to follow your dream, but it hurt so much to see you go… I would’ve gone with you.” Roy said, his honesty almost frightening him.

“You would’ve given up your football career to follow me to LA?” Y/N said, looking up at him with confusion and disbelief in her eyes.

“Yeah, I would’ve followed you anywhere because I loved you that much. In fact, I’d drop everything today and go with you if you asked.”

Sleep in half the day just for old times' sake. I won't ask you to wait if you don't ask me to stay. So I'll go back to L.A. and the so-called friends who'll write books about me, if I ever make it. And wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles I'm fakin'. And the heart I know I'm breakin' is my own. To leave the warmest bed I've ever known.

December 25th, 2020

“Merry Christmas, Roy.” Y/N muttered, her voice muffled against Roy’s chest.

“Merry Christmas, Y/N. Now go back to bed.” Roy said, causing Y/N to pull a face and retract her head from his chest.

“But it’s Christmas morning and mum and dad have so much stuff they need me to help them with. Plus presents, we can’t forget those, so I can’t come back to bed, sorry Roy.” Y/N said, kissing Roy’s cheek before attempting to get up.

Her attempt, however, was met with a tightened grip around her, with Roy’s arms boxing her in. “You’re not going anywhere. Your parents can wait, I just want you for a bit longer. Is that too much to ask?” Roy said, the love in his voice giving Y/N butterflies.

“Ok fine, but only because it’s Christmas.” Y/N said, missing the smile that graced Roy’s face at her concession.

The two drifted back to sleep, and when Y/N’s parents came upstairs to check on her they simply smiled at each other before closing the door behind them.

After their sleep-in, Y/N awoke first as usual. She checked her watch and her eyes flew open once she saw the time. “Oh fuck.” She muttered, trying to find a way to get up without waking up Roy.

Unfortunately she wasn’t successful, and Roy rose quickly, rubbing his eyes as he did. “What the fuck are you doing?” He said, watching her through semi-closed eyes as she frantically hurried around her room.

“My flight is leaving soon, and I’m not packed.” She said, unaware of the look of shock on Roy’s face.

“You’re leaving today?” Roy said, and Y/N turned around, her heart sinking at the betrayal in his voice.

“Yeah, work wants me back in ASAP and I don’t want to risk losing my job. James is a good boss but you never know what might break him.” Y/N said, pulling on a pair of leggings that had been abandoned on the floor.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Roy said, his voice raising slightly.

“I’m sorry?” Y/N replied, pausing as she looked at Roy.

“I told you that I would’ve quit my job and followed you anywhere because that’s how much I love you, and here you are running back off to work after what we’ve just been through. I thought this meant something to you, Y/N.” Roy spat his words at her aggressively, and Y/N dropped her head in shame. He was right, as always.

“It did, it does. You mean the fucking world to me, Roy Kent, and I don’t know what I would’ve done if I hadn’t run into you when I did. But I have a job in LA, and a life. It’s lonely, sure, and I never feel like I can trust my friends, but I can’t just leave it all behind, no matter how much I want to.” Y/N said, feeling tears well in her eyes as she looked at the man who held her heart in his hands.

“Is this what you really want? To be stuck on another continent, being friends with people you don’t even like and working your fucking ass off with no reward, huh? The Y/N I knew would never settle, not like this.” Roy said, looking Y/N dead in the eye as she stood opposite him.

“Things change, Roy. As much as I don’t want them to… I think you should go.” Y/N said, hanging her head even lower to avoid meeting his gaze. Roy felt his heart shatter, trying to keep himself together but failing.

“Y/N…” He trailed off, hearing his voice break as he said her name. That pushed Y/N over the edge, tears running down her face.

“If you don’t go now, I’m never going to leave.” Y/N said, feeling more fragile than she had since the last time they ended things. Roy nodded solemnly, picking his clothes up and slowly getting dressed.

“I love you, Y/N.” Roy said, causing Y/N’s chest to wrack with sobs. She couldn’t look at him as he left, refusing to break her own heart any further.

“I love you too, Roy.”

[gukyi]

in the frosty air | a jjk drabble

summary: two weeks ago you and your roommate slept together. which would be fine, if you knew you both felt the same about each other. but you don’t. and now it’s christmas, and jungkook is still gorgeous and gentle and wonderful and here, and and you don’t really know what to do about that.

{college!au, roommates!au}

pairing: jungkook x reader genre: this is just an angst train tbh, but it has a happy ending! word count: 1.6k warnings: mentions of past alcohol consumption, this centers around everyone’s favorite capitalist holiday, being sad in the wintertime a/n: OHHHHHHHHHH *internet breaks* anyway yeah i’m back baby!!! here’s a little drabble to celebrate because i can’t help myself when it comes to jungkook. love me or we both go down coming soon!

“This Christmas is pretty fucking lame, isn’t it?”

You whip around at the sound of his voice. “Oh, hey. I didn’t hear you come in.”

“I figured,” Jungkook chuckles, bending his head down as he crawls through the open window to join you on the fire escape. The temperature is freezing and the wind is stinging your skin, but it didn’t really feel right to be spending tonight inside. “Saw the window open. Thought you might be here.”

“Yeah. I was probably gonna head inside soon, though.” In the hopes that you would be curled up in your bedroom before Jungkook even got home. Seeing him lately has been hard. “How did your final go?”

“It was alright.” You don’t have to keep looking at him to feel Jungkook taking a seat next to you, crossing his legs over each other as he stares out into the city below you. It snowed a few days ago, and the sidewalks are still covered in that dirty slush that always lingers, wet and cold and black from car tires. Just being beside you makes your heart race, makes your chest tighten. “I was pretty stressed out about it, but then I just sort of remembered that I did my best and that was all I could do, you know?”

“That’s good.” You wish you had that mindset. You spend days studying for an exam and once it’s over, you spend days dwelling on all the things you might have gotten wrong. It’s a philosophy you apply to most aspects of your life. Why you did the thing you did. Why doing the thing you did was the worst thing you could have done. How you will recover from it. If you even will. 

Jungkook sighs. You turn to look at him, just briefly, glance at his side figure, and notice he’s wearing nothing but a giant zip-up hoodie. Isn’t he cold? “It doesn’t really feel like Christmas.”

“Yeah.” You don’t have anything else to say to that. It doesn’t. Which is a damn shame, because you and Jungkook spent the entire beginning of this month turning your tiny, two-bedroom apartment into a winter wonderland. You got a tree to put up next to your TV and decorated with the weirdest ornaments you could find. You hung up those dangly white Christmas lights on the balcony of your fire escape, the ones meant to look like icicles dripping from the metal railing. The radio has been playing nothing but Michael Bublé and Mariah Carey. And yet.

It’s not hard to wonder why this Christmas is such shit. Your spring internship fell through a week ago. Your parents rented a lake house and assumed you wouldn’t be coming with. All of your other friends have gone home already. And Jungkook, perhaps the last person in this whole goddamn city you would have wanted to spend time with, you can’t even bear to look at. 

“How did your finals go?” Jungkook asks, trying to keep the conversation going. 

“They were fine.” At least that torture is over. But living with Jungkook, seeing him every day and knowing that what you have done you can never undo--it’s endless. 

There’s silence. It’s like the two of you simultaneously have no idea and know exactly what to say. Like the words are lingering on the tips of your tongues but your lips are sealed shut. Opening them won’t be like a can of worms. It will be a dam, a waterfall of I’m sorrys and What nows. One week ago, in the heat of the night and in the haze of drink after drink, you and Jungkook made the worst mistake two roommates could ever make. 

“Are you going home this break?” You blurt out the words before you can stop yourself. 

Jungkook sighs. “I’m not sure.”

“It’s okay if you want to.” I get it. I’m not sure if I’d want to hang around and see me either. 

He shrugs. “I just haven’t decided yet.”

He knows that you’re staying. The two of you were so looking forward to spending Christmas together. Now look at you. Jungkook was the perfect roommate. Then everything changed. 

“Okay.” He’s probably just trying to figure out a way to let you down easy. 

Next to you, Jungkook rustles a hand through his pocket. “By the way, uh--I just remembered. I got you something.”

You don’t even have time to object before Jungkook is placing a small fabric box into your open palm, resting on your lap. You look down at the item, at the way your hand seems to envelop it. 

“You didn’t have to--”

“I wanted to.” Jungkook is firm in his response. “Besides, I got it a while ago. Figured now is as good a time as any to give it to you.”

There’s not really anything else to do except open it. Carefully, with trembling fingers, you pull off the lid. Inside sits a dainty silver locket resting amongst a pile of folded tissue paper. You gasp, your breath coming out in smoke in the cold winter air. 

“Oh my God, I--”

“I overheard you talking on the phone saying you wanted one,” Jungkook admits sheepishly. “I wanted to give it to you before I forgot.”

Fingers shaking from the cold, you pull the locket from the box. It dangles from its chain, a delicate little thing, barely the size of a fingerprint. Even on this hazy winter evening, it still catches the light.

For the first time tonight, you look up at him. His eyes are a swirling brown, a deep chocolate. They are unreadable. He offers a small, guarded smile your way, lips pink in the chilly air. “Thank you,” you tell him honestly. This is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for you. 

You can’t accept this without returning the favor. Wordlessly, you get up from the fire escape, rushing indoors for a moment as you grab your gift from your bedroom. It’s been sitting in there for at least two weeks now. You hold your hand behind your back as you make your way back to the fire escape, sitting down next to him once more. 

With a small flourish, you reveal your own present. They’re drumsticks. 

“For you,” you tell him, that same small grin on your face. “Since you’re always drumming on everything. Thought you could use something to do that with.”

Jungkook looks positively starstruck. He takes the sticks in his hands, feels the wood with his fingers, tracing over the logo at the bottom. You aren’t very well versed in the world of drum equipment, but your friend in the orchestra told you it was a good brand. 

“Wow, Y/N,” he says, mouth agape. “This is... this is the most thoughtful thing anyone’s ever gotten me. Thank you.”

“Always.”

And that’s the truth, isn’t it? No matter what you do, no matter what you say, you will always be there to give Jungkook what he deserves. To make his life just the tiniest bit better. Doing thoughtful things for him has never required effort on your part. There is just a part of you that will do them, because he deserves it. Because he is so gentle, and loving, and kind, and wonderful. 

You sit there for a little while longer, relishing in the brief respite of your gift exchange. It’s softened the ice, warmed the air, broken the tension. Even if only a little. But it’s enough to keep you out here, sitting next to him. It’s enough to keep you from drifting away. 

“I don’t regret that night.”

The words feel like biting wind. 

“What?” You turn to him. 

“I don’t. I’d do it again. A thousand times over.” Jungkook is resolute. He looks at you, eyebrows furrowed in determination. 

“Jungkook, what happened that night--”

“Is something I’ll never forget,” he finishes. “Do you know how fucking long I had been waiting to do that? To hold you? Kiss you? To spend the night with you?”

Each syllable presses deeper into your chest, imprinting themselves on your heart. You stare back at him, too shocked to say anything at all. 

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same,” Jungkook adds on, quickly backtracking. “I sort of... got that message when I woke up that morning and you were gone. But I just wanted you to know that that night didn’t change anything about how I feel about you.”

Jungkook’s got it all wrong. You were the one who fucked up. You were the one whose feelings won’t change. “I thought you were the one who didn’t feel the same.”

Jungkook chuckles, this sad, forced cough. “Are you kidding? I’d do anything to relive that night. You’re my favorite person in this whole world, Y/N.”

If the weather were just a little bit warmer, if the wind wasn’t as dry, perhaps tears would fall. But instead, you blink back at him and it feels at once like your heart weighs a million pounds and nothing at all. “Me too,” you choke out. “I never want to be without you.”

Your fire escape is barely big enough for one person, let alone two, but that doesn’t stop Jungkook from reaching over and pulling you in, pressing a chilly kiss to your frozen lips, the heat of his mouth warming you up from the inside out. It’s cold tonight, yes. But Jungkook makes you feel like it’s summer all year long. 

You smile against his lips. They feel like home. They taste like peppermint lip balm and coffee and ice. 

“Do you want me to stay?” He asks. As if he was even thinking about going home anyway. 

“Yes,” you whisper back. 

It feels a lot more like Christmas now. 

“Then I’ll stay.”

↳ don’t forget to message me with any thoughts or feedback! i missed you guys!

[psychdelia]

christmas used to be billy’s favorite holiday. he loved setting up the tree every year with his mom, matching big smiles on their faces as she carried him to set the star on top. he would help her cook and bake, dance around the kitchen with her. she always surprised him with more gifts than he anticipated, and he would give her a card with messy handwriting and glitter and a drawing of the two of them with i love you mommy scribbled on the bottom.

and then she left and christmas joy was replaced with pain. his father screaming and presenting him with fists instead of gifts. and then max and susan came along and she was their little angel. spoiled with gifts and love while he received nothing but hurt.

billy hates christmas now. hates the holidays in general, but christmas the most. spends all day sulking, curled up in bed and crying. neil gets on him about it, maybe smacks him around before leaving him even worse than how he started. he lost all hope that maybe she’ll come back as a christmas miracle, scoop him up and take him away from all the hurt.

his plan for the day was to stay in bed. avoid the world. but then neil came barging in, demanding billy get off his ass and take max to the byers’ for a christmas party. he was stupid to think that he could catch a break after being forced to ‘celebrate’ with them yesterday, which essentially meant being forced to help susan in the kitchen and watch max get showered in love and gifts while he received nothing.

so he got up. threw on a dark green sweater, tight jeans and boots, still not nearly warm enough for hawkins winter. he silently drove max to the house, only looking at her when she didn’t get out after a minute of being parked.

“what.” billy spoke flatly, his first word of the day.

“come and hang out with us.” max rushed out, nervously fidgeting with the hem of her sweater.

billy just sighed.

“i’m not really in the mood to hang out with a bunch of snotty little shits, so,” he shrugged. “maybe next year.”

“it’s not just us! nancy and jonathan are there. and mrs. byers and chief hopper! and,” a pause. “robin and steve.” she added on quietly.

“max i don’t really think-“ he was interrupted by a knock on his window. he turned to find a very happy and smiling mrs. byers eagerly waving at them.

“come inside!” she urged as billy rolled his window down.

billy just looked at max and gestured towards the house, ignoring her dramatic defeated groan before she got out.

“you too!” joyce grabbed billy’s shoulder, smile faltering at the way he flinched, her touch unexpected. “max told me you guys already celebrated yesterday. what’s another celebration?”

“i don’t think it’s a good idea mrs. byers.” he replied with a small smile, hoping to charm his way out of this situation.

she sighed. “honey, it’s your second and probably last christmas in hawkins before you go to school back home.” she responded to his shocked expression with a sad smile. “we all figured you’d be applying to schools there. and max might’ve slipped up. don’t be mad at her! she’s just scared to lose you, is all.”

billy frowned and looked down at his hands. he hadn’t even told her he was only applying to schools in california. just trying to graduate and get the hell out of indiana, go back home.

“come on, kiddo. your sister would appreciate it.” a pause. “i’ll spike your eggnog.”

billy sighed, taking a few seconds to contemplate before getting out of the car.

“oh you must be freezing.” joyce rolled her eyes as she tugged at his sweater. “you kids and your fashion. you’re gonna get yourself sick like this. hawkins isn’t california!”

billy snorted. “duh.” he mumbled as she dragged him inside.

billy should’ve expected the stares. the guarded, confused and slightly angry expressions at his presence. he felt small, being glared at by nearly everyone in the room. he wanted to turn around, walk right back out that door. almost did if it weren’t for joyce stopping him in his tracks and holding his arm.

“oh, stop that you brats.” joyce huffed. “it’s christmas. be nice! and if you can’t be nice… no more cookies.” she smirked as they all groaned in protest in unison.

billy didn’t really care about the kids. he apologized to lucas not too long after that night, even agreed to the stupid deal to drive him around town and rev his engine to receive his forgiveness in full. it took him longer to approach steve, though. didn’t have the balls to do it until a couple months before steve graduated. he found him alone in the library, studying to get his gpa high enough to be able to graduate and get his diploma.

“can i sit here?” billy gestured towards the empty chair across from steve, who was glaring at him.

“only if you don’t give me another concussion.”

billy gnawed on his bottom lip as he slid into the seat, staring at the table and avoiding eye contact like a goddamn child.

it took him a minute to finally look up and spit out those two words he’d been meaning to say since that night. but it wasn’t the apologizing he dreaded most, it was the explanation and conversation that followed. he expected steve would ask questions, and shit did he have a lot.

billy kept his answers short, general. didn’t spill too much about all the shit going on in his life and in his head. steve didn’t look satisfied with his answers, but he eventually stopped asking questions. gave billy a stiff nod with a,

“yeah. fine. i accept your apology, i guess. just don’t fuck with me or the kids anymore.”

and that was that. billy kept his distance from them altogether. he occasionally carted lucas and max around for their stupid little dates, teasing them here and there. but it was never malicious.

now he stood right in front of the door in joyce’s house, itching to get out. lucas, max and her friends el and will were the only ones not staring at him apprehensively. the curly haired one was whining, asking why he had to be there, throwing in a few words he was probably too young to be saying. boy wheeler was following suit, making grand gestures and calling him an asshole. nancy looked just as prissy as always, turning her nose up. jonathan avoided eye contact. steve wasn’t quite glaring, but he didn’t look too happy to see him either. just because they were on okay terms didn’t mean they were on great terms. his girl robin didn’t seem too thrilled either.

“i’m just gonna..” billy pointed towards the table filled with drinks and snacks. he walked away as the commotion continued behind him, helping himself to the bowl labeled adult eggnog. he grimaced after the first sip before pouring himself a little more.

it was hard to make himself comfortable. he sat stiff and tense on the edge of the couch, as far away from everyone as he could get. the burn of the rum didn’t do much to heal the hurt in his chest, the pain of abandonment and grief he felt this time every year. he tried to tune everyone out, ignoring the kids yelling as they played video and board games, hopper as he snuck the teenagers more eggnog and beer, joyce as she continued to force feed everyone her christmas appetizers.

he found himself staring at the tree, messily decorated to the brim and a little lopsided. his gaze shifted to the walls, family pictures of just the brothers, then joyce and the brothers, and some including hopper and el. he was unconsciously playing with the chain around his neck, chest getting tighter and tighter. he forced his eyes away from the pictures to find jonathan helping joyce cook and set up dinner in the kitchen, laughing and smiling.

that was his breaking point. he set down his empty cup and sped off to the bathroom, scrubbing at his wet eyes. he shut the door behind him, pacing back and forth, trying to breathe through the lump in his throat. he eventually gave up trying to fight the tears off, a christmas tradition for him at this point. he eventually sat down in and slumped back against the bathtub, closing the curtains and shielding him from the rest of the world. he tuned out the music and chatter from outside, instead hugging his knees to his chest and hiding his face in his hands as he cried.

he knew he shouldn’t have listened to joyce. he shouldn’t have gotten out of his car and stepped foot into this house. he should’ve just gone home and lay in bed all day, much less embarrassing than crying in a goddamn bathtub with people right outside.

but here he was, trying to make up for lost time and bonding and memories with max, to show her that he cares and loves her and isn’t going to abandon her like his mother. and yet he was alone, abandoned and abandoning max in just 5 months. his chest hurt as he cried harder, tears freely slipping down his cheeks and staining his stupid sweater. he was nearly wheezing for air, not getting enough in between his sobs.

he must’ve been too loud because he didn’t hear the door open and shut. didn’t even know he wasn’t alone until steve pulled back the curtain, stunned to find him curled up there and crying.

billy wanted to snarl at him, glare at him with a smartass comment about the bathroom being occupied, but all that came out when he opened his mouth was another choked sob.

“shit, man, you don’t look so good.” steve spoke the obvious. “hargrove, you gotta breathe. don’t want you turning blue on me.”

billy turned away, shielded his face with his arms for god knows what. maybe he was expecting a punch, to be told he was a little bitch for crying like this. but all he received were hesitant hands gently prying his wrists away from his face.

“hey.” steve murmured, now only inches away from him. billy didn’t realize he climbed into the tub with him, kneeling before him in the cramped space.

“fuck off.” billy breathed out, all bark no bite, trying to pull his arms away from steve’s grip. but steve didn’t let up.

“why? so you can suffocate yourself to death in mrs. byers’ bathroom?” steve mused, rubbing circles into billy’s wrists with his thumb. “not gonna happen.”

“i don’t need-“ he choked up, words cracking as more tears unleashed. “i don’t need a fucking babysitter.”

“i know.” steve let go of his wrists, sitting back against the opposite end of the small tub. billy almost whimpered at the loss. was so glad he could will himself against at least one thing.

“what about a friend?” steve took in the way billy’s eyes shifted towards him, expression guarded. “look, man, you’re graduating and leaving next summer,” how many people had max told? “and you’re obviously going through some shit so i don’t see why i can’t at least try to help you through this so we,” he sighed as he gestured between them. “so we can be friends and not on bad terms anymore because i’m tired of having enemies.” he rushed out, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “i know what it feels like to want to leave this shithole, trust me. robin already applied to schools in cali too and i was maybe thinking about going with her and if we end up in the same place then maybe we can all be friends and help each other out.” he rushed out again.

billy just stared at him, bottom lip quivering pathetically. here steve was, offering to be his friend and follow both him and robin all the way to california. he’d be stupid if he didn’t take the offer.

“what? you following your little girlfriend out to cali for her to dump you on your ass like the last one?” billy was never too bright in the friendship industry.

“what? no. robin’s not - we’re not like that. we’re just friends.” steve frowned. “i already applied to some community colleges out there. but this isn’t about that right now.” he waved his hand dismissively. “you gonna tell me what’s up with you now? a secret for a secret?”

billy opened his mouth to try and reject the offer, to tell steve to fuck off again, but another sob wracked his body. he let out a frustrated groan through his tears as he scrubbed uselessly at his eyes.

“fuckin’ hate christmas.” he choked out, grabbing onto the saint necklace. his mother’s. “it-“ a whimper. “it was my favorite. at least until my mom,” he shut his eyes tightly, tears spilling out of the corners. “she just. up and left. left me with no note or explanation and a piece of shit father.” he exhaled shakily. “he beat her. and when she left..” he trailed off, gesturing towards himself. “there were no more fucking homemade pies or trees or gifts. just him. always drunk and angry every christmas, blaming me for her. then max and susan came into the picture and they had their perfect little family. celebrated every year.” the without me went unspoken.

billy hadn’t realized steve was inching closer and closer to him until he looked up from the bathtub and found steve inches away from him again, eyes big and sad as they looked over him.

“what are you-“ billy didn’t get to finish his sentence before he was enveloped in a big hug, the guy squeezing him tightly.

“hugging you.” steve mumbled into his shoulder, forcing billy’s face into the crook of his neck. in no time he was crying yet again, right into steve’s fucking shoulder.

steve was good at hugs. good at comfort. the way he rubbed all along billy’s back, one arm secured around his waist made him feel safe in a way he hadn’t in probably a decade. he let himself go again, freely ugly crying into his expensive and soft christmas sweater, clinging onto the material with weak, shaky fists.

“i didn’t know.” steve finally spoke after a minute. “shit, man, no one knows anything about you. i figured your dad was a hard ass after we talked about the fight but not that bad.” he pulled back just an inch, catching billy’s eyes with his own. “does anyone else know?”

billy shook his head.

“why don’t you tell hopper?” steve frowned. “that’s not normal or okay.”

“no point.” billy shook his head. “i turned 18 in november. can’t do jack shit now but wait until i graduate.”

“then move out.” steve said it like it was easy. like he could afford it, like he had anywhere to go.

billy laughed but it was more sad than humored.

“and where would i go?”

“with me.” steve’s response was immediate, no hesitation. “my dad’s always gone on business trips and my mom’s italian.” he said it like it was self explanatory. billy’s confused expression prompted him to continue. “she can’t stand bad parents and she loves company. you’re another mouth to force feed, too. she makes great pasta.”

billy shook his head. “i can’t just move in with you. what if they say no or-or it doesn’t work.”

“they won’t say no.” steve assured. “come on.” he urged. “it’s just one more semester and then we’re off to the golden coast.” he smiled dumbly. “it’ll work. trust me.”

billy went silent. thought about it for a minute. what it could be like to get out of that house. live and be friends with steve. go back home with him later on.

billy slowly nodded. “okay.” he mumbled. “okay.” he repeated again, louder and solidified.

they’d make it work.

[revengeisourlullaby]

Thousand Eyes

Warnings: Pro Hero Au, 18+, smut, unprotected sex, dom/sub-themes, overstimulation, begging, choking, oral (receiving), jealousy, hair pulling, claiming, slight breeding kink, fluffy ending

Shoto Todoroki x Female! Reader

Word Count: 7.4K

a/n: Happy Holidays everyone! I hope whoever comes across this is having a good end of the year and finding the positives in all the craziness. I have a few more fics in the works and will start pumping them out since I’m on break. Maybe I’ll start incorporating hcs, fluff only stuff, drabbles, etc and not just the long fics. Much love <3

You were sitting on the couch, scrolling through your phone waiting for Todoroki to arrive home from work. You had just finished fixing up dinner and he typically came home around the same time so the two of you could eat together. While switching from Tiktok to Twitter, you heard the front door click signaling to you that Todoroki had come home. Bringing yourself up from the couch you walked over to the door to greet him with a hug. You barely left any room for him to remove himself from his shoes before you wrapped your arms around his neck and nuzzled into him. Todoroki looked down at you, smiling. 

“Hi, baby.”

Dropping his work bag off to the side he returned your hug, squeezing you a little tighter than normal. Pulling away from him, you moved back a bit to finally let him all the way through the door. 

“How was work today?”

Grabbing his duffel bag up from off the floor and bringing it into the bedroom you heard him respond from the other room. 

“Not too bad. Actually, it was pretty calm today, mostly patrol over anything.”

“Well, that’s nice to finally have a break of sorts.”

Walking back into the main room, you saw him towards the bathroom. 

“Yeah, it was a nice change of things. Actually, something else came up. I want to talk to you about it but I’m gonna shower first if that’s alright?”

Nodding lightly in response, you waved him off. Walking back into the kitchen you turn the burner back on the stove to give the dinner that you made some extra heat.

“We can talk about it over dinner.”

Hearing him hum an okay and disappear into the bathroom, you hopped back on your phone and scrolled through Twitter again. Mindlessly scrolling, you saw a post reminding you about your childhood. It was a meme regarding the Grinch and you went deep in thought about your life in the earlier years. Thinking about how much you loved the Christmas season, and how that film somehow brought your family together no matter the occasion. The memories sticking with you dearly. You were so lost in thought that you hadn’t seen your phone shut off or Todoroki slipping out from the bathroom. He was standing in front of you and you still hadn’t noticed him standing there. 

He walked up to you, placing his arm on your arm and his other hand finding his way under your chin lifting it slightly so you could look at him. 

“Hey, my little ember. You there?”

He softly chuckled which brought you back to reality. Staring up into his eyes, you realized once again how beautiful he was. His hair was halfway dried, a few beads of water snaking their way down his strands. His brows were slightly furrowed in an attempt to silently understand what was going on in your head. Even though you guys had been together for a few years now, seeing him in front of you like this after you had zoned out and made the blood rush to your face. Making you heat up instantly.

“Y-yeah I’m fine. I was just thinking about old memories and got lost in them. You uh, you ready to eat?”

“Yeah sure.”

Grabbing two dishes from the cabinets you plated the food for both you and Todoroki. Bringing them to the table you turned back around to grab two glasses you turned around and asked him what he wanted to drink. Bringing the two cups to the table you finally sat down and the two of you began to eat. Swallowing you looked up at Todoroki.

“So what was it you wanted to talk about?”

“Oh! Yeah, I completely forgot.”

Taking another bite of food Todoroki began to speak through his mouth full of food. 

“So when I was leaving work today one of my interns informed me of this gala being thrown for all the heroes. I called Midoriya to see if he knew anything about it and it seems that it’s more festive than formal. Like a Christmas get-together. So, this is a long-winded answer of me asking if you’d want to join me?”

Your mind was racing about what you were gonna wear to this gala because the last thing you wanted was for you to feel underdressed. 

“Y/N?”

“Yeah! No, I'd love to go. I was just thinking about what I was gonna wear.” 

Chuckling softly, you rubbed the back of your neck, kinda embarrassed at yourself for being so vacant of reply for your boyfriend. 

“You’re always thinking about how you look...and I don’t understand why because you know you’re gonna be the hottest one in the room.”

“Sho! You’re gonna make my head big.”

“What?! It’s true. You’re too hard on yourself”

Shoveling another bite of food in your mouth you brushed him off

“Yeah, yeah I know but still I wanna look good. I can’t be next to you and then not put out. Can you imagine how that’d look?” 

Looking at him incredulously you were waiting for him to respond and when he did you wanted to slam your face in your hands.

“It’d probably look fine because you look fine regardless.”

“Shotoough-”

Exasperating at his response it caused him to let out a small laugh. Following suit with the small laughing fit, you shook your head and regained yourself. 

“So you said it’s kinda festive like we’re supposed to dress up?”

“I suppose. I’m pretty sure either way is fine.” he responded flatly standing up to go help himself to a second serving of food. 

“When is it by the way?” 

“Tomorrow.” he said, turning around to come to sit back at the table.

“Tomorrow?!” choking on your food a bit from the shock of this event being tomorrow. 

“Yeah..”

“Well, now I really have to worry about what I’m going to wear. Shit.”

Todoroki stayed silent noticing that you were deep in thought trying so fervently to figure out what you were going to wear to this gala. You didn’t want to disappoint but at the same time, you didn’t want to make it seem like a big deal for Todoroki’s sake. 

Suddenly, your eyes widened and you realized that you had the perfect thing to wear. 

“Todoroki! I got it!”

“Huh? Got what?”

“What I’ll wear for tomorrow!” 

Standing up from the table you walked into the bedroom speaking to him while walking away.

“Do you remember when I was making that Santa outfit but never wore it out because I was afraid it was too obnoxious? The one I based off that rich lady in the Grinch.”

Sliding the hangers to the side you were sifting through all your clothes trying to find this dress that you made a couple of years ago. Sliding over to the side of your clothes that you had your winter wear organized in you saw bright red fanned out on the floor of the closet. Bending down to pick up the fabric from the floor, your backside brushed up against something. Standing up with the dress in your hands you turned around to see Todoroki standing behind you. Holding the dress out to your side, Todoroki wrapped his arms around your waist. Your bright smile plastered across your face 

“Look! I found it. I’m gonna have to go get a petticoat tomorrow so it lays right but I think it’ll work well! And I can find you something too while I’m out.”

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary, baby. Wouldn’t wanna steal the show from my girl now would I?”

Dropping your arm that was holding the dress you wrapped your other around Todoroki’s neck. Threading your fingers at the base of his hair, massaging lightly into his scalp. 

“No, I guess not.” 

Smiling up at him, Todoroki lowered his head to meet your lips. Engulfing your lips in a tender kiss that warmed up your entire body. Every time he kissed you it felt like it was the first and you never wanted them to end. His lips were always somehow so soft and inviting. Pulling away and looking back up at him an idea popped in your head.

“Maybe we can just add a lil something to your tux then.”

With a small smile now on his face, he nodded his head in agreement. With a yawn beginning to dawn on him, your body followed suit against your will. A sudden wave of tiredness falling over you both. Stepping away from you, Todoroki began heading toward the bathroom. 

“Why don’t we get ready for bed? I have to get up a little early to finish up the paperwork from today’s shift.”

Nodding slightly you followed him into the bathroom beginning your nightly routine. You finished before Todoroki and walked back into the bedroom. You picked your costume up from the pool it was in on the floor and hung it back up in the closet. The cheeky smile that spread across your face was something that didn’t slide past Todoroki when he came back into the bedroom. 

“What’s got you smiling like that?” a breathy chuckled punctuated his question.

“Nothing really. Just thinking about how we’re gonna look tomorrow. I’m excited.”

Climbing into bed, you snuggled up into Todoroki as well as the sheets. 

“Well don’t stay too excited, you gotta get your rest.”

Placing a kiss atop your head you told each other good night and Todoroki shut off the lights. 

Waking up the next morning, you’d had gotten up a little later than you expected. You usually were able to catch him before he left. Throwing the sheets off yourself you stretched and tried to get yourself out of bed. Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes you opened up your phone and when you saw the time the leftover sleep left your body and you started getting ready in a hurry. It was almost noon and you still had to go out and grab a boutonnière for Todoroki and a petticoat for your dress. You got ready in record time and left your home to get said desired items. You wanted to be back in time to do your makeup and get properly dressed up and not be rushed for the event. 

By the time you got back home, it was around 2:30pm. Who knew finding a mistletoe boutonnière would’ve been such a feat. Finally settling into the couch you let out a sigh a relief and your stomach let you know for the third time within the hour you should eat something. With a groan, you waddled into the kitchen and fixed yourself something quick to eat. Todoroki would be home around five so you had enough time to screw around a bit. After you finished up you looked at the clock and decided to start to get ready for the evening. 

With your speaker blasting Christmas music you were clad only in black lingerie and adding the final touches to your makeup. Stepping back away from the mirror to get a full look at your face you smirked at yourself and went into the bedroom to get your dress and everything on. Pulling up your red fishnets and petticoat you walked over to the closet to grab the dress. 

Slipping it on you fastened the belt and then bent over to grab your red heeled boots from the bottom of the closet. As you got the zipper up on the boots you heard the front door open, signaling that Todoroki just got in. You glanced over at the clock and noticed it was about 5:30pm.

‘Just in time’ you had thought to yourself. Todoroki called out for you and with a quick 

“In here!”, you let him know that you were in the bedroom. You stood up and straightened yourself out while looking into the mirror embedded on the closet door. 

“Wow.”

Turning your head to look at him you posed and smiled at him. 

“Ya like?” 

“Yes, my little ember. You look amazing.” 

You walked a little closer to him wrapping your arms around his neck. You felt heat travel up into your face as his gaze seemed to pierce through you. 

“I know what that look means, and you need to get ready, or otherwise we’ll be late.” 

Planting a small kiss on his cheek you walked away and heard a small groan come from him which elicited a chuckle from you. While you were waiting for Todoroki to finish getting ready, you were stuck in front of the mirror in the main room deciding whether or not you wanted to add the Santa hat or not. You decided to keep it on hand and just put it on when you arrived at the gala. You didn’t want an indent in your hair to be too noticeable and if worse came to worse you would just have to fluff out your hair in the bathroom. 

You heard the clearing of Todoroki’s throat and you looked behind you. He always looked so good in anything he was in. His black tuxedo fitted nicely against his body and his hair was slicked back, a few pieces falling loosely in the front. 

“Well, look at you.” A cheeky smile following your words. 

“You like?” Todoroki wore a smug smile referencing back to how you greeted him earlier. Catching on you continued the charade. 

“Yes, very much. But, I have something to make it even better.” 

Walking into the kitchen where you dumped your findings from your outing earlier, you grabbed the mistletoe boutonnière. Going back over to Todoroki you began to pin the boutonnière onto the lapel of his tux.

“I told you I was going to find you something to make it a little festive. So now, whenever I come next to you a part of me will be under you. So I’ll just have to kiss you.”

Finishing pinning it onto his lapel, you looked up at him, his heterochromatic eyes seeming to sparkle with a new endearment to bestow upon you. 

“Very funny, now let’s get going.” He pressed a kiss on top of your head and you stretched back to grab your hat and clutch that you left on the counter and walked out the door. 

The drive to the venue was quiet but that was nothing out of the ordinary. What was though was Todoroki’s hand on your thigh occasionally squeezing at the plushness of them. You were smirking to yourself trying your best to keep your composure, but he gave your leg one particularly hard squeeze and you pressed your legs together out of habit. 

“You alright?” 

You could hear the smirk in his voice but you refused to give into him this early, you hadn’t even pulled up yet. Clearing your throat you fixed yourself in your seat

“Yeah, great actually baby.” Moving your hand onto his thigh closest to you you asked him, 

“You excited for it?”

“Yeah, I think it’ll be fun for the both of-” You had grazed your hand across his lap, running over his clothed sex to reach his other thigh and give it a squeeze causing his breath to hitch. 

“Guess I should’ve known that was coming sooner or later.” An airy chuckled left him but you knew that you had him right where you wanted him. Pulling up to the venue, he parked the car. 

Stepping out you grabbed your clutch and hat, staring into the tinted side window to place your hat where you wanted it. While checking yourself in your makeshift mirror, Todoroki came up behind you wrapping his arms around your waist. Nestling his chin into your neck

“You look so beautiful, baby.” 

“I know, now let’s go in so everyone can see.” You knew where he was attempting to go with his compliments but at least wanted to experience a little bit of the gala before your makeup would be indubitably ruined.  The both of you walked up to the hall this event was being held in and you could hear Christmas music blasting. The doors of the hall were open so you knew exactly where to go. 

Stepping in the hall looked like a winter wonderland. There was soft blue lighting throughout, snowflake and icicle decorations hanging from the ceiling. Centerpieces on the tables were filled with snowbrushed branches and accents of green. And of course in looking at the scenery in front of you, you failed to noticed the mistletoe hanging above you and Todoroki’s heads until Midoriya came up to greet you guys. 

“Hey! Todoroki, Y/N, how are you guys.”

“We’re doing great, it’s really good to see you Izuku!” You moved to go and hug him but he backed away slightly. 

“I can’t step under there with you Y/N, Todoroki is right there.” A nervous laugh left him but the overtone of joy covered it up. 

“What do you mean?” Looking up you noticed the mistletoe and then glanced at Todoroki

“Oh, that’s what he means.” Todoroki verbalizing your thought. With a quick kiss to Todoroki you moved back over to Midoriya giving him a hug. 

“You’re still such a goofball, I love it.” As you two were giggling you looked over at Todoroki who signaled to you that he was being motioned over with some work friends. Giving him a nod you hung around Midoriya for the moment.

“You wanna grab a drink? They have this killer spiked eggnog, you can’t even taste the alcohol.”

Raising your eyebrow you lightly elbowed Midoriya

“Sounds like my kinda thing.”

While walking up to the bar, you noticed Bakugou hunched over scouring the floor of the hall. He hadn’t noticed you yet so you picked up your steps and called out to him.

“Hey! Kaachan!” 

An audible groan left his mouth, cutting through the music that was blasting through the speakers. You knew that nickname pinched a nerve in him and seeing his reaction killed you every time. You came up closer to him and enveloped him in tight hug.

“Oh c’mon don’t be like that. You know I can’t resist screwing with you.”

“Yeah yeah, now get off me.”

“Not until you give me a proper hug you dumbass”

Reciprocating the hug with one arm you stepped back and he finally got a full look at your outfit. Lifting his glass to his face he motioned to you

“Nice outfit.”

“Right! I finally had a place to put it to use to.”

Midoriya had chimed into the conversation now, “That’s the dress from the live action Grinch right?”

“Yeah! God I love that movie.”

Sitting up on the stool next to Bakugou, you asked for some of that eggnog Midoriya was raving about. You spun around so you could face both Midoriya and Bakugou while at the same time trying to spot Todoroki in the crowd of people. You spotted him chatting with Momo and a few other people that you assumed he’d done work with. 

You hadn’t noticed that Midoriya had walked over to Todoroki, you were too busy wrapped up in your thoughts at the moment. You sucked your teeth and a small sudden wave of jealousy was flowing over you. While in your head you turned your head to see your drink waiting on the bar counter and you took a big gulp of it. 

“God damn Y/N, did you even taste it.” Bakugou teased you.

“Yeah I tasted it. Midoriya was right saying you couldn’t even taste the alcohol. Shit is like juice.” You laughed trying your best to cover up your jealousy with alcoholic tendencies and low rate jokes. 

Bakugou noticed the quick change in your behavior and tried to follow to where your eyes were boring holes into. Once he saw Todoroki and Momo sitting a little too close for comfort he understood the current state of upset you were in. 

“Stop staring at it, it’s just gonna make you more upset. It’s probably nothing anyway.”

“Staring at what-”

“Todoroki and Momo. You couldn’t hide your emotions to save your life Y/N”

“Guess you’re right about that.”

Sighing you swiveled the chair back around ordering another glass in a piss poor attempt to keep your nerves at ease and not think about the scene in front of you. You trusted Todoroki and never even thought of him having ill intentions with you. 

You just felt a little competition with Momo considering they went to school together, she was stunning and he once had a crush on her that you found out not too long ago. It was all too much for you to process in the moment and Bakugou was attempting to figure out what to do to pull you out of your funk. Putting his glass on the counter he put his his arm on your shoulder.

“Look, you’re too pretty and look too nice to be feeling like this.”

Standing up he held his hand out to you and looked up toward the speakers,

“And by the sound of things, seems like it’s the perfect time to share a dance. So, care to dance with me?”

A small smile spreading across your face, you chugged the rest of your glass of eggnog and took his hand.

“I’m never gonna forget that.”

“Oh shut up.” Lightly laughing you trailed behind Bakugou leading you to the floor. Sia’s Snowman was coming through the speakers and you seemed to forget what it was you were upset about while swaying with Bakugou. He seemed to catch onto this and looked down to you only to be met with your eyes looking up at him with that of a doe. 

“Thank you.”

“Oh don’t start with that I just didn’t want to sit with someone mopey.” 

You nudged him while still swaying to the music

“Oh whatever, I’m still thanking you.” He looked down at you again 

“Try not to think about it too much. He’s still somehow ridiculously oblivious to things and doesn’t think about stuff like that too deeply. He doesn’t mean nothing by it. Wanna go get another drink and go over there?”

“Sure why not.”

Getting your drinks you walked over to the group of people you had become acquainted with through Todoroki. Old school friends of his that you seemed to flawlessly get along with. Walking in front of Bakugou you heard him mumbling about something. 

“What’d ya say?”

“Why are you walking in front of me?”

“Seriously?! That’s why you’re making all that noise.” You knew he screwing with you and you just waved your hand and walked over to the group. When you got there you noticed Todoroki wasn’t there anymore. Momo was the first to greet you out the group.

“Hi Y/N! How are you, it’s been so long.” She was also in a Santa dress but less dramatic than yours. She had a cute little santa hat headband to top it all off.

“I’m doing great! And you look gorgeous as always. This is a little off topic but do you know where Shoto went? I needed to ask him something.”

“I think he went to the bathroom. If you go to the back of the hall and turn left that’s where they are.”

“Okay cool, thank you. I’ll be right back!” You announcned to the rest of the group and they all nodded you off, acknowledging your absence. Walking to the bathrooms you went to turn into the hallway but instead turned into boyfriend. 

“Oh there you are, I just coming to look for you.”

His demeanor seemed unreasonably sharp and you couldn’t place whether he was mad at you or something else. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing why don’t you go hang up on Bakugou again.” 

Your face contorted in surprise and complete shock about how he was addressing the situation. He tried to walk away but you grabbed his wrist.

“Hold on, you’re not gonna jab at me like that then walk away. If it bothered you that much why didn’t you just come up and switch with him. I didn’t come up to you because it seemed like you were enjoying yourself chatting with Momo and everyone and I didn’t want to interrupt. That’s all.” 

“It’s a little hard to pay attention to a conversation when I’m focused on you dancing with another man, let alone it being someone I’m close to.” 

With that he walked away from you and back to the group from before. You watched him in disbelief, in absolute shock about what just happened. You took a deep breath and huffed walking back to group as well, instead when you arrived you didn’t sit on the couch next to Todoroki but rather leaned on the back of the couch standing over everyone. 

Looking up you saw Bakugou coming back with two drinks in his hands. He looked down at the couch and noticed Midoriya slumped out on the couch, unsure if he was sleeping or trying to focus himself on not making a mess everywhere. 

“Got this for him, but I think this is that last thing he needs so you can have it.” You smiled a thank you and continued chatting with everyone. You looked over at Todoroki who’s face was blank but his eyes held a fury that was unmistakable to you. You grabbed your phone out of your clutch to send him a text but he didn’t respond, let alone look at his phone. You sighed and excused yourself to the bathroom this time actually having to go. When you left you ran into Todoroki waiting in the hallway. 

“Hey…”

“Save it, we’ll talk about it later.” 

Mumbling an okay you walked back to the group slightly stumbling, all the eggnogs finally catching up with you. You took a detour to the bar to get a water to try and balance everything out. While sitting up at the bar Bakugou came up beside you. 

“What’s up with him?”

“He’s upset with me for dancing with you. Guess he does think pretty deeply about these things.” You rolled your eyes not having the energy to put more thought into your partners antics, knowing that if you did you’d completely ruin the rest of your mood. You looked up towards the group and saw Todoroki giving what looked like his goodbyes to everyone. You swiveled back to face Bakugou 

“This blows, but at least I looked cute while it happened.” Shaking your head you took another sip of your water. 

“That you did.”

You looked at him through your lashes, unamused knowing that he was part of the reason you were in the predicament that you were in. Chuckling to yourself you spoke one more time

“This will make for a funny memory in retrospect but right now I’m so over it.” 

The two of you were lightly laughing with each other when Todoroki made his way up to you too. 

“I’ll be taking her now.”

Whipping your head to him you couldn’t believe the way he was speaking.

“I’m sorry who the fuck is her?” The alcohol making you a little more loose lipped than normal as well as bringing your bubbling frustrations of the evening to the forefront. Bakugou snorted at the sight in front of him and got up from the bar

“See ya around Y/N. Call me.”

“See ya man.” 

Todoroki was glaring at the two of you and the ending interaction before he turned on his heel with your hand in his. Completely numb to the situation and with the help from alcohol you were almost a blank slate, not really thinking about anything that was going on. 

“Can you stop walking so fast, please, baby?” You were met with silence until you got to his car. Mumbling to yourself you didn’t think he’d hear you but to your surprise he did.

“If you’re gonna say something, say it so I can hear it.”

“Oh will you quit the act already. I was dancing with him I didn’t fuck him Shoto.”

“Sure looked like you wanted to with the way you were looking at him-

“-And I could say the same about you and Momo but you ain’t see me throw a fuckin hissy fit about it Sho! All up on her n shit, give me a break. Let’s just go home.”

You grabbed the door handle and let yourself in the passengers side sitting in silence when Todoroki got in and started the car. The tension in the car couldn’t be sliced with the sharpest blade, it was so thick it was almost suffocating. You took your hat off and fluffed your hair out in an attempt to hide that you were trying to get a look at him. His hands were gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were turning white and his veins were jutting out from his hand. 

You couldn’t deny that that sight alone was enough to send your mind spiraling elsewhere, but you couldn’t shake the guilty feeling that was beginning to well up in you. Pulling up into the driveway the two of you continued the silent treatment to each other. Walking inside the house you slipped off your heels, your feet relieved to be let out of their cages. You walked over to the kitchen to grab a glass of water but didn’t get the chance to make it to the fridge because Todoroki had come up behind you caging you to the countertop. 

“Sho, I don’t have the energy for this right now”

Moving his hand to your waist he spun you around to face him

“So you have the energy to pay attention to Bakugou but can’t give me the time of day.”

“Oh fuck you.”

Moving yourself out from under his arms you moved to go to the fridge but once again Todoroki interrupted you plans. This time it was with his hands around your waist pulling you into him. 

“I think you might want to rethink your choice of words baby. It’s not wise to upset me further.”

“What are you gonna do-punish me? Please.” Scoffing you tried to move away from him but his grip on you was tighter than you expected. All of this was too much and you were trying your hardest to keep your arousal at bay. You hated fighting with him but something about the way he was going about this was making your brain spark. 

“Is that what you want? Cause I think it can be arranged.”

“Actually what I want is for you to be an adult about this and to stop acting lik-”

“Shut up.”

“What?!”

Catching you off guard he pressed his lips against yours the sexual tension finally dispersing between you too. The frustration and anger of the situation being displayed through the fiery kiss between you two. Todoroki picked you up and placed you on the counter top, his hand trailing up your back and landing at the base of your neck, lacing his fingers into the bottom of your hair. 

Your hands planted on his chest pulling at the fabric of his jacket trying to bring him as close as possible to you. He pulled away from your lips and moved down to your neck finding you sweet spot immediately. He sucked on it until it seemed like it would hurt if he did for a second longer. He moved down to the plunged neckline of your dress and attacked the top of your breast that was exposed. With an airy moan escaping you you found yourself giving up on fighting him.

“Sho~ baby please.”

“I thought I told you to be quiet.” 

You were almost caught off guard by his response but instead was caught off by him picking you up off the counter and carrying you into the bedroom. When he plopped you on the bed, his boutonnière fell on top of you landing in your lap. 

“Now would you look at that. Guess I have to kiss what under it huh? Scoot back for me baby”

Moving back, Todoroki ran his hands up and down your thighs. His lips began kissing up your thighs while he was squeezing the sides of them. When he came close to your heat he breathed on it, pressing his nose into your clit but instead of finishing the job he moved to your other thigh teasing you. 

“Shoto please, I need you. You can’t keep teasing me like this.”

Lifting his head up from in between your legs he looked up at you.

“For someone who is the reason why we’re here in the first place, what makes you think you can order me around like that.” Cocking his eyebrow he awaited your answer, but your answer never came because he was teasing your clit. Rubbing his finger lightly up and down between your folds you couldn’t focus on your words. 

“That what I thought. Now shut the fuck up and let me do my work.”

With that he ripped at your red fishnets creating a hole right where your panties resided. You went to scold him for ripping your tights but before you could say anything he had used his quirk to singe off your panties leaving you bare in his wake. 

“Now, I know you can’t stay quiet for long, but I want you to try your hardest to keep quiet for me baby. Okay?”

You nodded vigorously looking down at him. He took that as his cue and licked a fat slow strip between your lips. Your breath hitched but you kept your silence. When he began circling your clit that when his request became a little more difficult to complete. Picking up his pace he began lapping at your clit making you lose your composure. A moan slipped past your lips. You began bucking your hips into him signaling that you were close to you release, something you should’ve held out on because Todoroki stopped his movements. Bringing his head up to face you he smirked

“See, you can keep quiet. All night you’ve been running your mouth but apparently you only listen when my mouth is on you. Isn’t that right?”

“Yes, but please Sho, please I wanna cum so bad.”

“Don’t worry my little ember, I’ll let you get to your release. You just have to listen to what I say. This time make as much noise as you want. I want to know how good I’m making you feel”

With the tip of his tongue he licked a quick strip across your clit, making you squirm on your back 

“Fuck!”

Chuckling to himself he began lapping at your clit again. Creating figure eights you lost all your senses. You completely gave into him and couldn’t hold back. Moaning, you were writhing in tempo with his tongue lost in the pleasure he was giving you. Your drenched hole began to flutter and heat started to flow to the lower end of your stomach. 

Overwhelmed with your orgasm your body convulsed against Todoroki, but he didn’t stop. He kept thrashing his tongue against your overstimmed cunt. Panting and moaning you grabbed a fistful of his hair trying to lift him away from you but he wrapped his arms around your hips locking you to the bed and his face.

“Shoto, fuck! It’s too much, I-I can’t take it.”

Instead of responding, Todoroki hummed against your pussy the vibrations sending you into your second orgasm. You screamed out Todoroki’s name unable to handle the stimulation running through your body. Todoroki finally lifted himself from your legs, staring at you like a predator does its prey.

“Didn’t know you could do that baby.” A smirk stretching across his face while he removed himself of his jacket and dress shirt.

“Do what-” You cut yourself off suddenly feeling a cold wet spot on the inside of your thigh. The realization of you squirting on his face threw you into a moment of embarrassment where you almost forgot he was in the room. 

“Baby, stay with me. Cause I’m not done with you yet. You have a lot to make up for for the stunts you pulled back at the gala. Don’t you think?”

Kissing you, you tasted the tang of yourself fresh on his tongue. You slid your tongue across his lip, asking for permission and he obliged. Your tongues danced a waltz that only you two knew the steps to. The fire from the both of you radiated off each other and fueled the jealousy ridden passion from tonight. Pulling away from you, he trailed his deft fingers down the valley of your exposed breasts and stopped at the belt of your dress.

“I think it’s time for this to go.”

Gently taking your articles of clothing off you sat up from your flattened position of the bed and pulled your arms from the sleeves. You wrapped your arms around Todoroki pulling him back into the bed and flipped yourself onto of him. You heard his shoes hit the ground and you began working on his neck. Sucking a small hickey onto the skin right underneath his collar bone. Grinding yourself into him you felt his bulge begging to be set from the confinements of his pants. 

Sliding yourself off of him you fumbled with the button of his pants and pulled them off along with his underwear. Taking advantage of your current position you were going to try your hardest to stay in control of it. Coming back up to kiss Todoroki you felt in between your legs for his length and positioned it at your entrance. 

His head was enough to make you go feral, making you want nothing but the rest of him. Hearing Todoroki’s breath hitch was just enough encouragement to push you to fully bottom out on him. The both of you groaned in pleasure at the sensation.

“Fuck you feel so good wrapped around me, baby. Feel good on me. Use me and only me. You’re mine and I’m yours remember that.” 

Though you knew what he meant, his last statement almost rubbed you the wrong way and brought back the frustrations from before. He was still bringing it up and you were getting sick of it. Rolling your hips back and forth on him you decided to use him to your full advantage.

Finding your rhythm you bounced up and down on his cock. Focused on your pleasure and also taking out your emotions on him. His moans were so blissful though that you couldn’t help but be intoxicated by him at this moment.

“Y/N, you’re so good, Fuck! Keep doing that ah~”

Feeling a sudden wave of confidence flood through you you decided to see how far you could take this position of control with him. 

“Yeah, you like that? You’re the only one that gets it. Not Bakugou, nobody but you.” With a ballsy move, you wrapped your hand around his neck and choked him. It didn’t last long though. Within a second you were flipped over, Todoroki hovering over you with sheer lust adorning his eyes. His hand wrapped around your neck, fingers pressing into the blood vessels on either side of your neck.

“Don’t say his fuckin name while I’m inside you. You think of me and only me. Understand?” 

Nodding quickly you recognized your reign of power was now over. Todoroki then slid his length almost all the way out before slamming it back into you kissing your cervix with blatant ferocity.

“Fuck! Sho! Fuck fuck fuck” 

Panting you were desperately looking for something to grab hold of. You shoved your hands into the sheets of the bed before slamming your nails into his back. The pace he set was vicious, clearly taking out his frustration on you.

“All night it’s been about him but right now I want all your focus on me. You belong to me Y/N.”

Grabbing your face he squished your cheeks together forcing your lips to pucker. 

“Look at me while I fuck you. Burn this into your memory of who makes you feel this fucking good.”

You looked at him and felt yourself about to reach your peak. Your fluttering alerted Todoroki to your climax and he pulled out.

“Sho, please. Please don’t do this to me again.”

“Hush and get on your hands and knees.”

Flipping yourself over, you pressed your face into the mattress and wiggled your ass in the air, waiting for Todoroki to line himself up with your sopping hole. 

“There you go, give me those hips. Ahh, fuck baby.”

Again his pace was unrelenting. The fat on your ass rippled with each contact of his hips.

“Come on, you know how to fuck me. Show me you deserve it.”

Todoroki tangled his hand into your hair and brought you up so your back lay flush against his chest. 

“I’m gonna dog fuck you, fill you up with so much of me that you don’t even have time to look at someone else without thinking of me. Every time you think of me you’re gonna think about my cum dripping out of you. Now, who do you belong to.”

“You.”

“Who? Sorry I didn’t hear a name”

“You, Shoto fuck! It’s you, it’s only ever gonna be you. Fucking hell.”

“There it is baby. You’ve been waiting for this, haven’t you? That’s why you’ve been mouthing me off. Well, fuckin take it.”

Letting loose of his grip on your hair and submissiveness taking full control of you, you began whining into the sheets. His cock attacking your walls was sending you into a space of mindlessness. 

“Sho- please, please can I cum. I need to cum so bad.”

“Go ahead baby, squeeze all the cum out of me. I’m gonna make you mine in every sense of the word.”

His thrusts began to falter and became deeper and slower. With one final thrust, you came around him, your pussy dancing around his cock milking him of his seed. 

“Fuck! Holy-”

“Y/N shit~”

Todoroki stilled inside you, hovering over your body while you collapsed into the bed, exhausted mentally and physically. As Todoroki pulled out of you, you felt so empty but didn’t have the energy to move anymore. 

As if he could read your mind Todoroki picked you up and pulled you toward the top of the bed rest you on a few pillows. He stood up to walk to the bathroom and grab a warm towel to clean you up. Coming back into the room he kneeled down to your core, gently cleaning your sensitive areas.

“Am I hurting you?”

“No, I’m okay, just keep doing that. It feels nice actually” Sighing you let your body fully relax into the mattress underneath you. Todoroki stood up and tossed the towel into the hamper and came back to lay on the bed with you. Giving your poor attempt at grabby hands due to your exhaustion he chuckled and slid next to you. Grabbing your hand in his he rubbed his thumb over the side of your hand.

You scooted closer to him moving his arm so you could lay your head on his chest. With all the attitude having left your body you were completely soft with him. 

“Are you still mad at me?”

Instant regret filled him, all of his actions from the night finally catching up with him.

“Y/N, I could never stay mad at you. Sometimes I don’t realize how much I ignore my emotions. I’m sorry for having you be at the receiving end of my frustrations. I just can’t bear the thought of losing you. You mean so much to me.”

“It’s okay, at least the sex was good. I would just hate you ever truly being mad at me and I wanted to make sure.”

“Y/N. I am thoroughly and undoubtedly obsessed with you. You’re my little ember and I can’t imagine my life without you in it. I couldn’t ask for anything more in life because you’ve given me everything I could’ve ever wanted.” 

With a smile across your face and sleep beginning to take over your eyelids, you tried your best to stay up with him while he confessed himself to you.

“You know I’ll love you forever Sho.”

Todoroki looked down at you with a dubious gaze trying to pick apart your affirmation. 

“Forever?”

“Forever Shoto.”

“Good, because I could use a bit of forever in my life.” 

[helnjk]

Snowed In - C.W.

Charlie Weasley x fem!reader

Requested: yes! by my love @lupinsclassroom

Ah HA I finally came up with a Charlie request. Okay, of course it’s professor reader because I’m obsessed with them but like....Charlie visits hogwarts, and then (I know logistically this isn’t possible bc ✨magic✨) but he gets snowed in and has to stay in the castle for the weekend and it’s just cozy and soft 🥺

Word count: 2.6k

Summary: sometimes, it takes just the right circumstances to get what you want. 

Warnings: meal mention, reference to/implied sex (blink and you’ll miss it), winter fluff! 

A/N: this took me so long to get done aaaaaaaa 😩 but yay ! more COMC professor & charlie 🥰

– 

Christmas at Hogwarts was always a spectacular sight. The professors always loved to go above and beyond with the decorations, but even without them, the grounds and the castle looked, well, magical. 

“Professor L/N?” a voice from across the room mumbled. 

Y/N looked up from the stack of papers she was grading to see Eloise Abbott, wrapped in her cloak and her Hufflepuff scarf, standing at the entrance to her office. A neatly wrapped present was clutched in her gloved hands as she waited for her professor to invite her inside. 

Athena was perched on her stand behind Y/N, resting after a long afternoon of delivering various Christmas gifts. Her sleeping figure seemed to appease the student’s apprehension slightly as she called out, “Come on in, Eloise!” 

“Isn’t the train supposed to be leaving soon? What’re you still doing in the castle?” Y/N questioned, stashing away the stack of parchments on her desk, that way her attention would be fully on the Hufflepuff. 

“Yep!” Eloise replied quickly, “I just wanted to drop off a present for you before I go! I know that you’re staying here for the holidays, right?” 

“You’re right.” Y/N smiled. “Thank you for thinking of me, Eloise, that was very sweet of you.”

A swift nod was her reply, and as quick as she had come, Ms. Abbott turned on her heel and darted out of the room. Thankfully, she remembered to yell a hasty, “Happy Christmas!” over her shoulder before she was fully out of hearing range. 

Y/N shook her head with a soft smile on her lips. Even after being her professor for nearly six years now, Eloise was still a shy little thing when it came to communicating with professors or any sort of authority figure. Still, the gesture warmed her heart greatly. 

The thought of gifts and spending Christmas alone, well, not exactly alone, but not with the Weasleys this year put a slight damper on her mood, though. Minerva had asked her if she could spend the holidays at Hogwarts this year since they were running short of staff who could chaperone the students. Of course, Y/N could never say no to her favorite teacher turned cool boss. It was the least she could do. 

With a sigh, she stroked Athena’s soft feathers and came to the conclusion that she was too distracted to continue her grading. 

Despite her attempt for some alone time, Minerva managed to stop her in the hallway. 

“Ah Y/N, just the person I wanted to see,” the older professor smiled.

“Anything I can do for you, Min?” Y/N replied.

She nodded, “I need your help with a particularly odd creature in my office. It doesn’t seem to want to leave.” 

The two professors briskly walked towards the Headmistress’ office side by side, their winter robes swishing around their legs. Professor L/N’s brows furrowed at the lack of concern Minerva had shown at the fact that there was a creature in her office. Of course, the older witch was highly skilled and educated, so maybe it wasn’t that big of a problem. What did she need Y/N’s help for then? 

“Er, Minerva,” Y/N began as they turned a corner, “What creature exactly is in your office? Do you think we need backup?” 

“I didn’t exactly get a good look at it, I just saw that it had orange-colored fur.” 

“Minerva.” 

The sly grin that she was met with did nothing to help the situation. Y/N simply rolled her eyes and went along with the all too obvious scheme the Headmistress had hatched up this time. 

The pair said nothing else as they continued their journey to the Minerva’s office, save for the password–’panthera leo’–once they reached the gargoyle statue. Y/N’s curiosity got the better of her as they ascended the spiral staircase, especially since the older witch hadn’t stopped grinning. 

“So, you’re not going to tell me what’s going on despite the fact that you’re grinning at me like a cheshire cat?” Y/N probed, raising an eyebrow. 

“You’ll see, dear.” 

The younger professor had to push down the urge to roll her eyes. Thankfully, they had reached the top of the staircase, and the words she was about to say got stuck in her throat as she saw what, or rather who, was in the office. 

“Charlie?” she gasped, after pushing the door open. 

Leaning against the large oak desk with his legs crossed in front of him was Charlie Weasley with a shit-eating grin. Y/N paused at the entrance to the Headmistress’ office, her eyes darting between the redhead and her boss. 

“He’s the orange-furred creature that you can’t seem to get out of your office?” 

Even as she spoke the words, her head couldn’t wrap around the absurdity of the situation. Charlie let out a loud laugh at her question, his eyes moving his former professor and head of house, who had just slipped past Y/N and into her office. 

“I asked Minnie here to help me out some with surprising you,” he grinned cheekily. 

He pushed off the desk and took a few short strides. Faster than she could comprehend, he was standing in front of her, soft eyes staring down at hers and rough hands grasping at her arms. 

“Hi,” he spoke softly. 

In an instant, she practically melted in his arms, “Hi Charlie.” 

The sound of someone clearing their throat brought them out of their little bubble and their heads turned in Minerva’s direction.

“Alright Mr. Weasley, I helped you surprise Y/N,” she smiled knowingly, “Now off with you two! I’ve got a school to run.” 

With a shout of thanks, Charlie took Y/N’s hand and practically dragged her out of the office. Biting her lip to contain her grin, she felt like she was a student again, laughing through the deserted hallways as she and her boyfriend ran towards her quarters. 

There was a lot of tripping over their own feet and a lot of giggling, but she hadn’t felt this elated in a long time. Whenever Charlie would turn to look back at her, the edges of her lips would turn upwards automatically, as if he was the source of her happiness and her laughter.

Which, in a lot of ways, he was. 

Y/N had never been so glad to see the castle empty. It meant that she could let her professional professor facade down and let loose without having to think too hard about the repercussions. 

“So,” she started as they reached the hallway containing her room, “Care to tell me when you planned all of this?” 

The sparkle of mischief and delight in Charlie’s eyes nearly made her swoon, “I can’t stay long, unfortunately. Mum’s expecting me at the Burrow tonight, but I got an early portkey so that I could see you before Christmas.” 

Pushing up on her tiptoes, Y/N kissed him softly, “You’re wonderful, do you know that?” 

“Careful there, love, we don’t want to boost my ego too much.” 

–

“You all set?” Y/N asked, smoothing out the creases in Charlie’s scarf and trying to busy herself in an attempt to distract her mind from the thought of not spending Christmas in his arms. 

With a deep sigh, he answered, “Yep, just about.” 

Majority of their afternoon together was spent in bed, much to their joint amusement. In Charlie’s defense, he had come to do whatever it was that Y/N wanted, and well, that was what she ended up choosing. In hindsight, it was probably their best option anyway, since the weather outside the castle had slowly begun to worsen. 

By the time they had stumbled out of the warmth of Y/N’s bed and had gotten dressed once again, it was practically dark outside due to the snowstorm that rolled in. 

“It’s looking pretty rough out there,” she noted, as the pair of them walked hand in hand down the deserted hallways. 

Now and then, a student staying at Hogwarts for the holidays would pass by them and try their hardest not to stare at their hot Care of Magical Creatures professor and her equally hot dragon tamer boyfriend. 

Each time a student rushed past, Charlie would wait until they were out of sight before making eye contact with Y/N and smiling so big it shouldn’t have been humanly possible. 

“You’re insufferable,” she grumbled after the third student they encountered disappeared around the corner. 

“You love me,” he shrugged. 

The bickering pair paused mid step when they heard a new set of footsteps approaching them. For the second time that day, Y/N watched as Minerva approached. 

“I’m afraid your journey to the Burrow has to be put on hold, Mr. Weasley,” she spoke as she reached the pair. 

“What?” Y/N and Charlie said together. 

“The storm outside is much too harsh for anyone to walk past the apparition wards, even with impervious charms,” she explained.

“What about your floo, can’t he use that to get to the Burrow?” 

As Y/N spoke, she couldn’t help but feel a little guilty at the pang of excitement she felt at the thought of being able to spend more time with Charlie. 

“Ministry’s just gotten back with word that the Floo Network is under maintenance until further notice.” 

Charlie’s eyes flickered from Minerva’s solemn eyes to Y/N’s slightly confused ones, before he nodded, “Alright. Seems like I’m spending the night at Hogwarts then.” 

–

Dinner that night was amusing to say the least. As most students were at home with their families, those who stayed behind all fit in the long table that was usually the Head Table. Minerva, Charlie, and Y/N tried their hardest to contain their smiles at the incredulous looks that some of the students had. 

For some, it was their first time being in such close and intimate proximity to their professors. Others were wary of the attendance of the non-Hogwarts staff member, partly because he was a dragon tamer and mostly because he was Professor L/N’s boyfriend. 

Y/N’s heart had melted, however, at the sight of Charlie having a chat with the younger students. She had a flashback of summers at the Burrow when his younger siblings still weren’t old enough to attend Hogwarts, and how they looked at him with wide eyes and thought everything he said was gospel. 

“And then he opened his mouth so big I thought I was done for,” he spoke with such a tone that even Y/N was drawn in, “But turns out the old bugger was just going in for a yawn.” 

The end of his story elicited a giggle from the youngest student at the table and Y/N was sure that her heart was positively a pile of goo.

As discreetly as she possibly could, she placed her hand on top of Charlie’s thigh and grinned cheerfully as he took the signal and placed his larger one on hers. 

“Is it bad if I said that I’m glad you’re going to be here tonight?” she whispered when most of the attention wasn’t on them anymore.

“Absolutely not.” Charlie grinned and squeezed her hand. “Don’t you think the Floo being down sounds a little odd, though?” 

The pair glanced at each other and then their eyes drifted towards the Headmistress. As if she could read their minds–which was entirely possible–Minerva caught their eyes and smirked from behind her goblet as she took a sip from it. 

“Honestly, who knows what Minerva can come up with,” Y/N murmured, “She could tell us that there was a rogue Ministry gryffin creating potions in the dungeons and we would believe her.” 

The nonchalance of her statement choked out a loud laugh from Charlie. The stilted noise coming from him as he tried to contain his amusement ended up making her giggle as well. As the group finished up with their meal, the pair of them would catch each other’s eyes once in a while and another round of trying to repress their laughs would begin. 

They waited as everyone shuffled out of the Great Hall, stomachs full and eyes slightly droopy from the big meal. Their hands found each other as they walked down the chilly halls, providing a source of heat and comfort in the midst of so much cold. 

Once they reached Y/N’s quarters, Charlie flopped down on the bed with a sigh, stretching out on the comforter with a groan. 

Y/N couldn’t resist the urge to crawl onto the bed, tucking herself at his side. The familiar warmth of Charlie’s strong arm wrapping around her was enough for her to sigh contentedly, closing her eyes and succumbing to the gentle pull of sleep. 

“Wait, wait…” she heard him mumble, feeling the words vibrate through his chest. 

A groan escaped her lips as she felt him shift, pulling the both of them into a seated position. 

“Can’t, ‘m comfy here,” she grumbled, refusing to open her eyes. 

Instead of replying, Charlie carefully maneuvered them so that she lay back on the cold sheets and he slipped off the bed. It was silent for a few moments, save for the sound of his footsteps echoing through the room. Y/N was tempted to crack open her eyes just to see what he was up to, but the comfort posed by the bed was too strong. 

She knew he would eventually come back, and he did, the bed dipping as he kneeled on the space next to her. 

“Love,” he whispered, his hand brushing her cheek softly. 

“What’s it?” she mumbled, finally easing her eyes open. 

Beside her, sitting on the backs of his heels, Charlie held out a wrapped gift. The sight of him with a sheepish smile on his face, hands fidgeting nervously with the ribbon wrapped around the package, was enough for Y/N to sit up quickly. 

“Charlie?” she asked, tentatively taking the gift from him, “What’s this?” 

Her boyfriend cleared his throat before speaking, “I, erm, I was going to wait to have this delivered to you on Christmas morning but, I figured I’d rather see you open it in person.” 

Y/N didn’t need any more explanation as she tore open the wrapping. An intricately designed box opened to reveal the most beautiful necklace she had ever laid her eyes on. It was fairly simple, the design, a single pearl-like object in the center of a silver chain. If it weren’t shifting through iridescent hues of pink then blue then green then purple, she would have thought it were a pearl.

Tentatively, her fingers glided over the small round thing and it was warm to the touch.

“Oh it’s gorgeous,” she breathed, her eyes flitting upwards to meet Charlie’s.

“You like it?” he rubbed the back of his neck. 

“I love it!” she grinned, “Will you put it on me?” 

For having such large and calloused hands, Charlie was nimble and quick with the clasp of the necklace, his fingers sending shivers down her spine as he placed the necklace on her. 

“It’s made out of the shell of an Antipodean Opaleye’s egg,” he explained when she turned to face him once more, “I asked a friend of mine back in Romania if he could fashion it onto a necklace. I saw the shell and thought it would look stunning on you, I was right.” 

With a soft smile, Y/N’s arms snaked around his neck and she pressed a soft kiss on his lips, “It’s perfect. You’re perfect.” 

“Love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

The couple stayed in each other’s arms for a long time, relishing in the warmth and comfort of the other. When they finally managed to get dressed for bed and Y/N was tucked under Charlie’s arm for the night, their hearts were full. 

“Happy Christmas, my love,” he whispered as they were lulled to sleep. 

–

add yourself to my taglist!

General taglist: @expectoevans​ @george-fabian-weasley​ @gxthsanrio​ @slytherinscribbles​ @harpyloon​ @nuttytani​ @mesmerisedangel​ @amourtentiaa​ @sarcasticallywitty15​ @lumos-barnes​ @cruciostyles​ @writingsomewrongs​

Charlie taglist: @pinkypurplemagic​ @lifeofkaze​ @oldschoolkiddo​ @turtletaylor98​ @id-kill-to-be-an-assassin​

[sunlightwoo]

Five Day Confessions

pairing: baseball player!eric x g.n reader

genre: college au, best friends to lovers trope with like some slow burn?? in a way??? but also they’re like lowkey pining over each other cause why not with your usual fluff, humor and angst

wc: 4.7k

plot: you think that it’s amusing to see the star baseball player of your school pining over your heart, seeing as though your winter break was coming around the corner. maybe it was the holiday season that was coming, or the unspoken feelings that you might’ve had for your flirtatious best friend that was clueless about your own thoughts to him. let’s hope that maybe these five days that you both confess to each other indirectly finally go unnoticed.

a/n: this lowkey ended up being the longest oneshot that i have written on this blog, and i’m really shocked HOUEHGOEA of course it’d be eric sohn.. bUT ANYWAYSS :)) i hope you enjoy this piece that i’ve been working on these days for @timextoxhajima​‘s collab cause the pain i felt while writing this... yeah hehe anyways happy new yearrr

COLLAB MASTERLIST | MY TBZ MASTERLIST

Day One

It was five days before you were finally let out onto the winter break that you had been longing for since Thanksgiving weekend. An entire semester that was filled with endless assignments, stress and exams that definitely would’ve been the end of your existence, had it not been spent with your best friend along the way.

You were surprised that the star baseball player that was too close to your heart for your liking was passing, considering you never saw him come back to your shared apartment until the late hours of eight at night. Whether it was during the spring, or like now in the winter where he was conditioning for months before the season could even start, he was always focused on excelling in both baseball, but also securing a career in entrepreneurship if baseball happened to be a setback.

You argued the latter, that he was far too good to not be let into the major leagues, but he always found a way to downplay it and rather change the subject.

That was how Eric Sohn was, you concluded as you lived everyday being best friends with him.

The afternoon sun was already beaming down on you through the window as you sat at the seat closest to it in your last class of the day. Words that would’ve left your professor’s mouth sounded like complete gibberish as you were struggling to concentrate on whatever lesson he was trying to teach until you locked eyes with the said best friend, his eyes already scheming with mischief in them.

A smile crosses his lips as you watch him mouth something incoherent to you, making you distracted momentarily as you giggled to yourself quietly and shook your head. Turning away from the latter, the bell rings just in time for you to finally leave from your class as you hear the yells that were slowly growing louder come closer to your own ears.

“We’re free for the rest of the week!” He cheers as he tosses both yours and his bags over his shoulders, a habit that he picked up over the past few years even after you argued with him numerous times to not do so because of how bad you felt from the heaviness of your own bag combined with his sports gear.

That never seemed to stop him, however, since it was an everyday thing that he seemed to pick up to this day.

“Sounds like fun. Any plans for today?” You ask him curiously, walking out of the room together with him as the two of you were already heading out of the building to head back to your shared apartment, ready to start feeling the stress-free vacation that you needed for a while and for Christmas to arrive.

There was a beat of silence as you could tell that he was thinking about what to do for today, making you look at him momentarily and take in the tiny details that painted his face carefully. You knew that your best friend was handsome, there was no argument against that.

“Quit staring at me, I know you’re in love with me,” He chuckles slightly and you blink back to reality to see that he was already staring back at you, making heat rush up to your cheeks as you pulled away from his gaze to stare at the clear sky above you.

“There was just something on your face, that’s all stupid.” You retort, hoping that maybe he would’ve bought the excuse and it seems as though that he did as he lets another beat of silence pass by.

What was he thinking about?

“Hey, do you want to get some ramen?” He nudged you gently, making you look up at him with widened eyes as he broke you from your thoughts when you smiled in response, nodding as the two of you began to head towards the convenience store that was just down the street.

“Last one to get there has to pay.” You grin, already breaking out for a sprint as the latter decides that maybe giving you a five second head start wasn’t too bad, hiding the amused smile on his face from the fact that you were too cute when you were excited about the thought of ramen.

Up until he feels the emptiness of his back pocket, making him realize that you had stolen his wallet to buy your own stuff before he could even notice it.

“Oh shit wait- they have my wallet. Y/N, you can't just call that and then take my wallet!”

Luckily for you, he wanted to pay for your meal anyways just to keep the smile on your face aligned with the stars that always seemed to twinkle in your eyes.

Day Two

“Hey, are you busy?”

You turn your head to see Eric standing at your door frame, seeing that he seemed to be in distress as you paused the drama that was on your television for a moment. Patting the empty beside you on the bed, he immediately rushes over to where you sat in which he steals the opportunity to cuddle you in his arms as he wraps them around your waist tightly while laying on top of you.

A breath escapes your lips from his sudden weight and you shifted over so that you were no longer on one end of the bed but rather the middle, so that neither of you would fall off of the mattress as a result of his antics. This particular position was one that you were all too familiar with considering these cuddle sessions would only happen when one of you had problems to spill to the other, and you could only assume that in this situation, it was Eric that had something to say.

However, the only thing you were confused about was the reason as to why he was like this when there wasn’t anything that he has told you about these days, whether it was about relationships, baseball or even himself.

“Everything okay, bubs?” You mumbled quietly, staring at the blonde in question as his nickname that you gave him easily slipped past your lips when he let out a soft hum in response.

It wasn’t unusual for him to come into your room to talk about whatever was on his mind in which he found it comforting that he was able to confide in you for such things. He knew that if he told any of his friends, they might not be able to emphasize his emotions with him, which was why he was grateful that you were both best friends but also comfortable enough with one another where anything that was said would only be kept between the two of you and only you two.

A special thing that you two had.

“I think I’m overthinking things again.” He bluntly whispers and moves his head so that he is now looking out the window as your hands found their way to gently play with the soft strands that were tickling your stomach slightly.

It was silent as you continued to play with his hair as you listened to him talk about whatever was randomly on his mind, in which he talked about how he missed visiting his family since they weren’t around this time of year because they went on vacation assuming Eric was conditioning again this year not knowing he took time off to spend time with them.

It made you think about how you must’ve been the only other person that he could spend the upcoming holidays with, since you knew that your close mutual friends were also heading home as well to spend time with their families. However, your plan was to stay at the apartment alone since you didn’t have anything to look forward to until now.

“”I’ll make sure that you have the best Christmas ever, Eric, I swear,” You softly smiled, holding out your pinky down towards his face and you felt him hook his pinky around yours, sending the familiar sensations of warmth down your spine at your wordless promise, “That’s all that was on your mind?”

You wonder if this was what it must’ve been like to fall in love with someone, seeing as though your heart was still pounding in your chest at how close he was to you. His soft breathing on top of yours was making you feel warmer in your heart, and you could only hope that he didn’t feel how fast your heart was beating underneath his ear.

“I think I like someone too, but I don’t know what it’s like to fall in love with someone.” He says and you look at him in confusion just as he looks back at you in pure curiosity.

You didn’t think that he actually liked someone at the moment, considering he wasn’t really good at keeping secrets from you regardless of how hard that he tries. However, you could feel the slight sting of jealousy in your heart, paining you at the fact that he was indeed too out of your league, and also your best friend.

It was too risky, you knew, to even date your best friend and also the star baseball player of your university as everybody loved Eric. No matter how flirtatious or friendly he was towards everyone, it was all strictly platonic on your end.

“Falling in love with someone can be the most beautiful, but also the most painful feeling in the world, bubs. Have you ever felt like that with someone these days?” You reply and suddenly feel him get up from where he was lying on you, the emptiness from his warmth leaving your own making you frown invisibly, but you knew that there was something going on in his head.

He really did like someone else.

“I think so… Don’t worry about it, sweetheart, I’m not that serious about it, okay?” He chuckles while ruffling your hair slightly as you could feel the loud shatters in your heart resonate in your chest, and you could only smile as you hope that he never catches onto the feelings you buried in your heart.

“Have you ever felt like that though, Y/N? It’s like you’re the one who has been in a long relationship like that, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about one since freshman year?” Eric mumbles, slightly facing you as you let out a quietly chuckle, sitting up against your bed frame to stare between him and the golden sun that is slowly setting outside your window.

It’s a painful feeling because it’s you, You think to yourself as the thoughts of possibly confessing to him would be minimal because you knew that he was only being friendly as your best friend, and nothing more than that.

“Not everyone is worthy of my time and kindness, like you sometimes are buddy.” You smiled, feeling the bitter feeling of guilt crawl up the back of your throat as you swallowed the lump once again, hoping that these feelings for your best friend would possibly leave you alone.

Hopefully.

Day Three

You envied all the couples that were able to show off their relationships that they were in as you were at the mall with your close friends, Kevin and Hyunjae. The three of you were out buying Christmas gifts for your loved ones and friends and you were in distress considering you haven’t bought anything for Eric yet that would count as both a birthday and a Christmas gift.

It would’ve been harder if he had tagged along like he originally planned on doing so, until he got a text from his coach for conditioning this afternoon after school. You were grateful for the fact that you didn’t really have to worry about hiding what his gift was in plain sight, however you decided that maybe you should catch up with some mutual friends rather than going to the mall alone, hence the reason for Kevin and Hyunjae tagging along with you.

The three of you walked around the mall and goofed around, as if you didn’t have a care in the world since they seemed to have noticed your sour mood from looking at the couples in the mall. However, it wasn’t until you had pointed out that you needed to buy a gift for Eric that they finally pulled themselves together to help you come up with something to give to your best friend.

Eric was simple.

He wasn't exactly all that big on expressing what he wanted as he was happy with whatever was given to him, which was why it was almost a challenge for you every year to be attentive of his words and things that he’s had eyes on for a while. Because of this, you made it your goal every Christmas that was spent together to be sure that it was a gift that he would’ve mentioned unintentionally but would’ve hinted that he wanted it.

You suddenly end up at a shelter that was right beside the mall and look at the little animals that were looking for new homes to belong to, remembering all the times that you and Eric had visited a dog cafe this year. For all the times that he mentioned about wanting a dog to keep in your apartment to keep one another company when the other wasn’t there, you had the idea to adopt a golden retriever that had eyes that reminded you of his bright ones.

After signing the adoption papers and looking over papers for immunizations, you agreed to come back tomorrow to pick up your new furry friend as you decided to finally go for a quick coffee break at a nearby cafe. The three of you sat by the window in peace, feeling as though today had already gone by so quick when the events of yesterday in your bedroom started to cloud your thoughts.

It wasn’t likely for him to hide something from you when it came to relationships, and you wondered why he didn’t come to you sooner about it. You also then felt selfish as you didn’t like the idea of him liking someone else because of your own mixed emotions towards him and his flirtatious actions.

There was never any established words between the two of you whenever you exchanged cheesy lines or words of endearment that wouldn’t be seen as normal between best friends, but you wanted to believe that you two were more than that because you shared an apartment together. However, you began to ponder on the idea longer than you had wanted to, because now you were wondering who he might’ve been talking about the other day in your bedroom as you were pitying yourself over the unrequited feelings that you held for your best friend.

“Hey, do you know if Eric has told you guys who he likes?” You ask the two boys that were now looking at you in confusion, giving each other looks before turning to you with their drinks back onto the table.

“I thought that you guys were dating? Are you guys not?” Hyunjae mumbles and his words sent heat up to your cheeks as you were the one that was now flustered at the very thought of your friends assuming that you both had been going out.

Did that go for the rest of them?

Shaking your head slowly in response, you watch as their eyes widen into saucers and it seemed as though lightbulbs had been going off in their heads once you clarified the situation between both you and Eric, making the atmosphere quieter than it already was. Luckily it didn’t last long considering Kevin was the one that broke the silence that was filling up and invading your thoughts of why nobody asked about it.

“It makes sense now, for all the times that he talks about you and Hayoung from calculus.” Kevin says answering your thoughts and you feel your heart sink into your chest at his words, realizing that it was true that he liked someone else.

Maybe it was too selfish of you to bribe for his love with a dog, you think to yourself as a frown was now drawn at the corner of your lips at the thought of the dreadful rejection that you would inevitably face. You wondered how badly you’d be heartbroken after his rejection for your feelings, in which you thought that maybe this was a bad timing to tell him and not go home for the holidays.

It’d be better to ignore him than to face him at all.

“So he likes Hayoung?” You speak up quietly, looking at them while trying to not let your emotions falter the atmosphere, however you could tell that from the looks that they were giving you, one that you knew too well as empathy and pity, that you were in too deep into your own heart.

“I wouldn’t blame him anyways. Good for him.” You whisper and take a sip of the drink that was now bitter on your taste buds, trying to bite back the tears that were threatening to spill from your own eyes at your own selfishness.

“Y/N-”

“It’s fine, guys. I’ll be okay.” You reply and give them a weak smile that doesn’t meet your eyes, because you know that eventually you should tell him the thoughts that cloud your mind more than it should’ve.

You were in love with your best friend, and you hated yourself for never telling him in the first place.

Day Four

“Thank you, I hope that you have a good rest of your afternoon!” You grinned and waved to the shelter owner before taking your new golden retriever friend into your arms to bring into your car.

It was the afternoon before Eric’s birthday that you were finally bringing your gift for him back to your apartment as you were giggling at the excited pup that was trying to give you kisses on your cheek. You let her down onto snow and watched as she took some time exploring the cold snow that was beneath her paws before happily skipping back to where you stood as you crouched down to scratch behind her ears.

“Today is going to be fun huh, Byeol?” You whisper, looking at the way that her golden fur resonated the bright stars that you were so used to seeing at night whenever you couldn’t sleep.

Your plan for today was ideally to surprise him with Byeol, hoping that maybe he would love her as much as you already did in the short span she got familiarized with you. The only change in your plan was that you had forgotten he was conditioning today at the batting place, making you want to give Byeol to him earlier than you had planned.

Maybe this time you’d be able to find the guts to tell him with Byeol there with you.

Already driving to where you knew that he would be conditioning near your campus, you hummed to yourself while pretending to make a conversation with Byeol, hoping that the golden retriever’s presence could ease your nerves at the moment. There were a million scenarios that were already playing out in your head as you were scared for what was yet to come when you would by then arrive. However, all you were scared of was his reaction for when you would tell him, since he was your best friend overall before anything else.

You make it to the nearby gymnasium with Byeol in your arms, shushing her quietly as you wanted for her to be a surprise for when you had found Eric by the batting cages, but for some reason you felt a bit breathless.

He was easily recognizable as you could tell who your best friend was immediately by his amazing skills considering he was the ace, but there was something that felt off. You were most definitely feeling the familiar butterflies that fluttered in your stomach, but there was someone that approached him first when he went on a short breather before you could even make yourself visible.

“Youngjae! You did really great!” A girl squeals and based on her tone and appearance from where you stood, you knew that it was Hayoung.

Oh.

“What are you doing here, Hayoung? I didn’t expect for you to be here, since I thought you did student council?” He had asked her with his hands on his hips when she gave him a small shrug before moving closer to him so that they were now only inches apart.

You felt like someone had stuck something into your heart and twisted it tight enough for the dulling ache to appear in it. Of course Hayoung would be here, you think to yourself, as you think that he must’ve invited her to watch him practice and condition to win her over that way, making you feel even more hurt from the thoughts that were now reentering your mind.

“I have heard from the grapevine that you had liked me, and I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go on a date since I liked you too?” You hear Hayoung ask him slowly and watch as she walks up to him with a smile on her face as she looks at him with a soft smile on her face, making your heart strings pull at the sight of it in agony.

Deciding to head back to your apartment, you left the scene as Byeol continues to walk with you back home in the chilly air. You think to yourself in that moment that you were right about your thoughts, about how you never would have stood a chance considering he had only seen you as a best friend and nothing more.

And it hurt knowing that there was nothing you could do to possibly change his mind.

Eric, on the other hand, was looking at Hayoung in confusion as she was still looking at him with a smile, when he had suddenly let out a quiet no. Her face scrunched up at the response as she was confused as to why he would say it, but there was something in him that knew it didn’t feel right, even if he had told his friends that he liked Hayoung.

The only reason why he had told them that he liked her in the first place was to lie about his feelings towards you, knowing that they wouldn’t be reciprocated with the miscommunication you both had about unrequited love.

“Hayoung, I don’t like you in the way that you think I do,” He says slowly and watches as her face then contorts to one of sadness until she gives him a weak smile as he thinks that maybe she knew why.

“You’re in love with Y/N, aren’t you?” She whispers in a quiet tone, making Eric feel guilty about the way that he was rejecting her when he was admitting in that moment that he actually did fall in love with you more than he should’ve been.

It was as though a flip as switched as he suddenly had the urge to go find you and leave the indoor batting range, wanting to talk to you instead before it was too late to even say it.

“Yes, yes I do love Y/N.”

Day Five

Eric is sprinting his way past the cold December night back to your apartment as he was tightly clutching onto his baseball gear from conditioning. He knows that although it was less than forty degrees outside while it was beginning to sprinkle light specks of snow, he shouldn’t be running this late in this weather.

However, the events of earlier had finally clicked as he was still running to your shared place with his heart beating loudly in his chest.

The apple watch that he adorned on his wrist had shown that it was already five minutes before midnight, making him think that you could possibly still be awake doing something if you were watching a drama like you usually would on a Friday night. He began to wish that maybe it wasn’t too late for him to tell you everything that was going on in his mind while his thoughts were running at half a million miles per hour.

It doesn’t take him much longer to finally arrive at your apartment complex as he had darted up the stairs to rush and find you as quickly as he can. Although he might’ve been slightly shivering, he couldn’t help but continue to think about what you could say when he tells you that he had loved you.

Would you hate him for it, or would you actually reciprocate those same emotions?

When he unlocks the door to a dark apartment, he notices the dimly lit kitchen where there was a small cake waiting for him, a candle that was unlit as a note was visibly seen beside all of it. He checks the clock in your living room to realize that it was a little past midnight, the date underneath it illuminating that it was now the twenty second of December.

“Happy birthday, Sohn.”

He turns around almost immediately, nearly giving himself a whiplash because of it, to face you who was holding Byeol in your arms. There was a long beat of silence that passed by between you both, him being in shock that you had a new puppy in your arms and you noticing how he looked tired even in the darkness as the two of you continued to look at one another. It wasn’t until you noticed that he was slightly shivering where he had stood that made you snap out of it and blink back to reality.

“Eric, did you actually just run when it started snowing? You’re going to get sick, you idiot.” You say, almost bursting into shouts and put Byeol back onto the floor to grab him some warm blankets when you suddenly feel him grab your wrist gently.

Without another word, he goes in for a soft kiss on your lips and you hesitate for a moment as you realize what was going on. It didn’t take long for you to pull him back in for another kiss when you felt him slightly pull away, wanting to let him know with the kiss that your thoughts were exactly in line with his.

Even if these past five days of indirectly confessing to him were painful.

When you both finally pull away to collect your thoughts and breaths, he holds you close as his forehead rests on yours as you look up at him in curiosity, wondering where the sudden boldness of his actions had blossomed from. However, it was the sounds of Byeol barking that made you look down and giggle at the small golden retriever before picking her up into your arms again.

“I don’t think I’ll get sick, if I have you with me,” He whispers quietly, a small smile painting his lips as he looks into your eyes before looking down at Byeol, “Is this little puppy ours to keep?”

“She’s technically your birthday and Christmas gift, so yes,” You grinned as he carefully takes her away from your arms to hold into his, cooing softly at the beautiful fur coat when you realized what had just happened in the past few minutes, “Hey, why did you kiss me? What if I get sick too?”

“Then I guess we’ll both spend our Christmas sick, but with cuddles, kisses and our new baby as a couple. How does that sound sweetheart?” He muses, making heat rush up to your cheeks as his lips were now somewhat hovering right over yours when you quickly pecked his lips cheekily before grinning to yourself while crossing your arms in front of your chest.

“I suppose it wouldn’t be a bad idea, since my best friend will finally be my boyfriend this year.”

[bondsmagii]

same person who asked about spelunking (sorry i binge your blog every now and then and keep finding things i wanna hear about this time!) But you mentioned one of your most terrifying experiences involved dolls, I'd love to hear about it if youre comfortable :>?

oh it's fine, don't worry! I can always appreciate a good old fashioned bit of curiosity. I suppose it's only fair that with all the creepy experiences I take from other people, I finally give a statement of my own. buckle up, though, because this one is a long one.

So, this all happened in 2011-2012, and it began in Belfast, Ireland. A friend of mine, Caoimhe, had started studying at Queen’s University, and she had moved in to student accommodation in the student district nearby. I was studying in Scotland at the time, but thankfully the summer and winter holidays provided me with three months off each, so I would frequently return back to Ireland and catch up with the people who’d stayed there. Caoimhe’s place, being situated in the city and in a university district, was obviously the place to hang out and party, but before I even arrived Caoimhe warned me that the place was… odd. Now, as anyone who’s ever met me knows, I absolutely love creepy stuff and I have a tendency to bring it out in places and in people; naturally I asked for details, but Caoimhe said she wanted to see what I thought when I got there. Considering I was going to be there that evening, I was able to have a modicum of patience.

I get there in the late afternoon. It’s summer and everything is still bright and lively, and the street looks normal. Parking is only on one side of the street; on the other side is a row of buildings, three floors high. Most of them are split into houses, but there are a few businesses there, too – a nursery school, a hairdresser’s, that kind of thing. I get out of the car and go and knock on Caoimhe’s door, which is between two businesses. She opens the door, and immediately tells me she cannot wait to hear what I think of the place. I have no idea what to expect, because Caoimhe was always the sceptical one and it takes a lot to get her even remotely excited about anything spooky, but I realised what she meant within about five minutes of being in the house.

It was the weirdest layout of any house I have ever seen.

Upon entering, I was in a small porch area. Going through the interior door brought me to the bottom of a set of stairs; to the right was a short hallway, containing a bedroom and, at the end of it, a spacious kitchen. Going up the stairs, I came to a small bathroom on the half-landing; turning and ascending the second flight brought me to a small landing area and, directly opposite, a colossal living room. Turning up yet another flight of stairs and there was a larger bathroom on the half-landing, practically industrial – like a large school changing room. There were about eight showers all lined up in cubicles, toilets lined up in other cubicles, and a row of old, almost Victorian-looking sinks. There was no door to the bathroom, either. Just an open archway leading to tiles that looked as though they should be on a factory floor in the early twentieth century. After this, there was another flight of stairs and then a small landing, this time with nothing ahead of it but, to my left, a long hallway. I mean, a long hallway. The longest hallway I’ve ever seen in any residential building, ever, in my life. It went on, and on, and on. From beginning to end, at a normal walking pace, it took about two minutes to walk. There were other doors, but they were few and far between. Only three people lived on that floor, and the hallway just stretched endlessly on. Caoimhe, of course, lived in the absolute furthest room from the stairs. We walked, passing the occasional door, under dim, flickering lightbulbs high up in the ceiling. We had long since walked past the original house we had entered. We were probably almost entirely down the street by this point. There were no windows at all.

Finally, we get to Caoimhe’s room. It’s practically at the end of the hall; in front of us is a dead end, and a fire escape that cannot exist. All of the buildings on this street are terraced, which means that joining on to this wall should be the next building. There were no alleyways separating any of the buildings at street level – they were all side by side, sharing a wall. I asked Caoimhe about it and she just shrugged, and then pointed to the wall opposite her door. There was another door there, cheaply made, not a fire door like the doors to the bedrooms. It also didn’t fit properly, leaving a small gap and a cool breeze drifting out from between the wood and the frame. I, of course, stuck my eye to the gap and peered in. I could make out nothing aside from swirling dust and the faint outline of the first few steps of another set of stairs. Upon my asking, Caoimhe told me she didn’t know where it went to, and that she and some of the others had tried to prise the door open but given up when it wouldn’t budge. They had even asked the university’s residential services about it, but were told that it didn’t belong to them as tenants and it was best to leave it alone.

As I mentioned before – Caoimhe is not really interested in messing around with this kind of stuff. Practically minded, she spent her time dealing in the tangible, and as a nursing student she had precious little free time. What free time she did have she enjoyed spending drinking, and annoying me by doing lines of cocaine off my books. I love her dearly, but you have to understand that mysteries like this do not interest her at all, but they drive me mad. From the moment I saw that door, I suppose my fate was sealed. In the old refrain of many sorry souls before me, I had to know.

The first few nights I was there was admittedly spent partying and catching up, and nothing out of the ordinary happened. I split my time between staying with Caoimhe and staying with an ex-boyfriend of mine, Brian, who lived about half a mile away in another part of the university district. I was at his place when I got a call from Caoimhe at about two in the morning, telling me that some weird shit was going down and I had to come see. I, of course, ran over there as quickly as possible, to find the house in uproar. Aside from one girl on the ground floor, everyone else lived in the Endless Hallway – all three of them – and they were all out of their rooms and standing in a strange section of the hall about two thirds up. Here, two rooms were located, the doors to which were set back in a little alcove. Opposite this alcove was another fire door that had to lead to nowhere, that I admittedly had not noticed before. I stared at it, confused, and then I was temporarily comforted when Gemma, once of Caoimhe’s housemates, asked me if I hadn’t noticed it before, either. I absolutely had not, and the general consensus was that nobody had noticed this fire escape. It was very difficult to miss, too – it was silver, with the green sign for a fire escape on it, but strangely there was no way to open it from this side. It was just a smooth door – no handle, no push bar, nothing. Being a fire escape door, it should have had a push bar and swung open into the stairwell or hallway beyond, to prevent it from being blocked from opening by a crowd of people trying to escape, but there was nothing. It was like looking at a fire escape door from the outside. Everyone agreed that it could not have been there before; Gemma and Ashley, the girl in the room next to her, were absolutely adamant they would have noticed it, considering it was right opposite their doors; Caoimhe admitted that she probably wouldn’t have noticed it because she wasn’t in the habit of noticing every door she walked by, but she did admit that the colour would have made it hard to miss. I, of course, amin the habit of looking out for such details, precisely for reasons like this, so I had definitely not noticed the door before.

I asked how they had noticed, and Gemma said that she had heard running footsteps in the hallway going back and forth for some time, and as she’d been trying to sleep she had opened her door to tell whoever it was to knock it off. She had found the hallway dark, and the door opposite hers. She had understandably been freaked out by this and banged on Ashley’s door, and the commotion had drawn Caoimhe into the mix whereupon she had said she knew a guy who absolutely had to see this shit and called me. She was correct, and I duly stayed the rest of the night to see if anything else happened. Nothing did, and aside from the extra door that had materialised in the hallway, things were calm for another week.

When it all kicked off again, I was staying over after another heavy night partying. Caoimhe and I were passed out in her room when we were both woken up by an incredibly loud crash. Before we could work out what had happened, lights went on in the hallway outside and we heard Gemma start screaming, and I mean reallyscreaming. Caoimhe and I jumped up and ran out into the hall, sprinting the distance between Caoimhe’s door and the alcove, and there we found Gemma hiding behind her own door and the fire door opposite wide open. It had been flung open so wide that it had crashed against and dented the wall it was on. Ashley was looking at it, dumfounded; Gemma could barely watch. Caoimhe was also not being much help, so – bound by insatiable curiosity and an extreme lack of self-preservation that for me is so often co-morbid with said curiosity – I went forward to investigate. I noticed that the door seemed old, like it had perhaps been rusted in place; beyond it there was nothing but darkness, and cold air moved out of the passage with enough speed that I felt a strong breeze. I had my phone, so I turned it on to use it as a light, seeing that beyond the door was a short landing and then a set of stairs. I went to the wooden railing at the top and shone the phone down, seeing that the stairs appeared to keep going in a half-flight, small landing, half-flight pattern. The stairs were all wooden, and in bad condition. With the girls still nervously watching, I descended the first flight and then turned to look at the next one. It smelled stale now, and slightly damp; I put the brightness of my screen up and saw, arranged neatly at the end of each step, there was an item of children’s belongings – a toy, or a teddy bear. They were all arranged very precisely, one on each stair, all the way down as far as I could see. Where the light gave out, the darkness was so black it seemed to have a solid weight. I decided I was not going down there without a proper light, and as I didn’t yet have one, I retreated back up the stairs. We closed the door over, but it would no longer fit in its frame; a chair was dutifully carried all the way up from the distant kitchen and put in front of it.

I quickly discovered something even odder about that staircase. Probably to the surprise of nobody, it shouldn’t exist. The floors directly below us should have been a hairdresser’s; there was no space for a stairwell and no way to exit on the ground floor. I went outside and checked both the front and the back of the building, and no doors opened anywhere near where the stairs should have come out. There was just no possible way for it to fit, and no point to it being there. It was a dead end in dead space.

Now we get to the truly terrifying part. For several weeks the place seemed to be fine, just the kind of regular haunting I was used to but that the others understandably found concerning. Cold spots, weird noises, strange atmospheres, feelings of being watched… that kind of thing. It made me increasingly uneasy in one particular spot of the house, though. There was one other mystery door that led to a mystery staircase, and that was the strange, out-of-place door opposite Caoimhe’s room. I figured that there was a chance that that door shouldn’t be there, either – like the fire escape, it was a different kind of door to the others, and also like the fire escape, it didn’t quite fit into its frame. I tried multiple times to get in to the staircase beyond, but the door would absolutely not shift and every time I tried, I would soon have to retreat because of an overwhelming sense of sadness and dread. I’ve always been highly sensitive to the paranormal, and anyone who has spent any amount of time with me has seen some inexplicable stuff go down; something I’m known for is knowing things I shouldn’t be able to know. I either just know them – they just arrive in my head full-formed and I know that it’s the truth – or they come to me in dreams. These dreams stand out from the other dreams because they’re incredibly realistic, and even in the dream I know that they’re something else entirely. I’m either myself in the dream, moving around and discovering things on my own, or I’m watching as somebody else does it, silently observing and, unusually for my dreams, with no amount of lucidity at all. I suppose, with all my banging around trying to get up those stairs, I must have finally tapped in to whatever it was that would allow me to know what was beyond it, because shortly afterwards I experienced the worst instance of this of my life.

By this point, I was back at university. I hadn’t thought too much about it all in any detail because classes had started again and I was still exhausted from driving all my stuff back over, getting the ferry, unpacking… moving every three months was a bit of a drag. Despite this, when the dream started, I immediately knew where I was. The building felt different, and all the lights were dimmed to the point they were barely worth being on, but I knew I was back in Caoimhe’s flat and I also knew that it was years before anybody moved in. I stood there and watched as a woman walked towards me down the long, endless hallway. She was young, probably in her mid-twenties, and her hair was a mess. Her face was blotchy and her eyes red; she was still crying as she walked past me. I knew that she was moving out, that this was the final walk-through; suddenly I was the person who was moving in, and I was being handed the keys, and the estate agent was saying that the place was mine and that the agreement still stood: I was allowed to do anything with the place and the price would stay low, so long as I obeyed the wishes of the previous owners and kept the top floor as it was and in good order. I agreed and then I was alone in the hallway.

I immediately walked to the end of the hallway, past the room that was Caoimhe’s when I had known the place, and to the door opposite. The wood looked newer now, and when I pushed it, it swung open noiselessly and without resistance. I walked up a neat set of wooden stairs and the light was warm, sunset-orange. I emerged from the staircase and found myself in a lovely attic room, the sun setting through a large dormer window opposite. The room was a beautifully decorated nursery, with a small bed under the window and a dresser, a toy box, a rug on the ground littered with toys. I looked around, touching the small hairbrush on the dresser, seeing the little blonde hairs entwined in it; on the nightstand next to the bed was a picture of the crying woman I had seen earlier, happy now, holding a smiling little girl of about two or three months in her arms. I stared at this picture for a long time, feeling a growing sense of sadness that deepened into dread. I felt paralysed, unable to turn and leave even as the dread grew and I wanted to more than anything; instead of running, a sudden urge to sleep came over me. I staggered to the small bed, curled up to fit, and immediately passed out.

When I woke, I was on my back and the room was dark. There was enough moonlight that I could see the glint of the picture frame beside me. Immediately I was gripped by terror – I was aware, even then, that I do not sleep in my dreams. I can do a lot of things that most people can’t – I die in my dreams, I read and write in my dreams, I see my reflection in mirrors in my dreams – but I do not sleep. I decided to sit up and see if any of my usual tricks for waking myself would work, but before I could move I felt something shifting in the bed beside me. It was solid and firm and cold; it pressed itself against me with plastic smoothness and then shifted, part of it bending. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something sitting up in the bed beside me. I told myself not to look at it, but of course I did. Sitting next to me in bed was a baby, but at the same time it was a doll. It had the plastic look to it, the strange texture of the hair, the glassy eyes – but at the same time its face moved, its limbs moved, and around the eyes and mouth there was a slight discrepancy, like the whole thing was a plastic mask forced into the flesh of the face. I stared at it, mute, too stunned to do anything, and then the baby doll opened its mouth, revealing sharp, pin-like teeth, far too many of them – and it began to cry.

I have never heard a sound like it and I never wish to again. It was a cry so piercing it was painful; it was a sound meant to terrify. It rose the same dread in me as I imagine people felt when they woke to hear air raid sirens in the dead of night; the distant thud of falling bombs. It was all I could hear and it was all I became. It inspired a blind terror in me that I have rarely known; I wasn’t human as I launched myself from that bed. I was a prey animal in flight, I was running for my life. I jumped from the bed and before I could hit the ground I awoke, miles away, in my dorm room in Scotland – but something was on the bed beside me. I sat up, turned, and the doll was there. It looked at me, grinned, and opened its mouth. Then it started screaming again.

I want to say that’s the moment I woke up for real, but I was awake. That thing was beside me in bed, still screaming, and I was awake enough to panic, to roll out of bed, to stand up, to stare in frozen horror for several seconds, and then to reach out blindly until I managed to turn the lamp on. The room filled with light and still the doll remained, for three or four seconds, still crying that horrible sound, and then it faded. The sound faded with it, gradually, until I could only see an outline on the air, and then it was gone. I did not sleep for the rest of that night. For the rest of the semester, I only slept in the daylight.

I never returned to Caoimhe’s house. I have my answers, which is something, but I do not exaggerate when I say that the cost was far more than I anticipated I would have to pay, and that something of that experience has forever stuck with me. Even now, a decade later, I go to bed every night with the fear that I might wake up in that hallway again, the door at the end of it – and the knowledge that I will go to it, step into the sunset-orange of the space beyond, and go back up those stairs.

[zephahhhh]

1, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40 for the asks.

1. What's your favourite holiday?

Halloween aka gay Christmas 🏳️‍🌈✨

36. If you had a garden, pick one thing you'd grow.

Idk, probably something editable like tomato or cucumber. Herbs are great as well.

37. What is your favourite thing about winter?

Not sweating 💀 can't tell you how much I hate that

38. What was the best gift you ever received?

(TW mention of eating disorder and other mental health issues)

My family doesn't have the tradition of giving birthday gifts so I rarely received gifts. But last year before I flew to the UK, my sister gave me a heart shaped rose quartz, which was a gift she received from her friend a few years ago. It was to wish me to make true friends and get better when I got here, the same reason her friend gifted it to her. I was in a really bad place in the first half of 2021, severed depression, anxiety, and PTSD, along with mild eating disorder and psychosis symptoms. She had always been the most (and almost only) supportive person in my family, and always knew what to do when I had a meltdown. The meaning behind this gift is a lot for me.

39. Who was your favourite teacher in school and why?

Being raised by a teacher mother and studied in the school she worked for ten years, my relationship with my teachers had always been complex. Mostly they knew me as my mom's daughter or my siblings' sister (🙄). I only met someone I truly like and respect as a teacher when in highschool. She was my homeroom and math teacher. She knew how I'm different from my classmates and was willing to adapt. For example, we needed to hand in weekly journals (which was hilarious) and I wasn't always able to write them. She knew I am good at writing and can write many times more than my classmates did, and told me to hand them in whenever I like, as long as I have the required amount of them by the end of the semester. So I wrote long arguments and observations in those journals, which was what my peers were not able to do. We're still good friends now and I miss her very much (she insisted we call her by first name after graduating from highschool because she's only about ten years older than us)

40. Do you think soulmates exist?

Being demiromantic I'd say yes, but not exactly like what we read in the fantasy.

I've only ever fallen in love (or feel attractions other than sexually) once, and it was my ex. We had a deep connection that is beyond friendship since we were in highschool, and got together about three days before our graduation. It felt like finding the lost piece of puzzle, and I felt complete with them. We were engaged at one point, got our rings and was ready to get married (without our family knowing 💀) right after we both finished college. We also registered for partnership before same sex marriage is legal in Taiwan. (It doesn't do shit but we wanted it) unfortunately our mental illnesses made us harm each other to the point it couldn't be fixed, we were too young to know better. (We broke up four or five times before our final fallout) I hated them a lot for a while, but now we're back to being friendly and we both apologized for those years. However we both agreed that it is impossible for us to love each other like we once did again.